1. Testing. Testing.
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2. Testing over the credits.
The credits that no one cares about.
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3. "Ooh, we're the business people.
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4. "Ooh, we want our credit
before the film starts, 'cause..."
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5. Anyway.
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6. The story you're about to see
takes place in a world
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7. where the human race has never evolved
the ability to tell a lie.
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8. This is a typical town in that world.
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9. As you can see, people have jobs and cars
and houses and families,
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10. but everyone tells the absolute truth.
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11. There's no such thing
as deceit or flattery or fiction.
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12. People say exactly what they think,
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13. and sometimes that can come across
as a bit harsh.
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14. But they've got no choice in the matter.
It's their nature.
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15. Look, I'm not coming in to work today.
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16. No, I'm not sick. I just hate it there.
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17. Oh, your baby is so ugly. It's like a little rat.
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18. Wow! I just took one of the biggest poops
of my whole life.
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19. What are you ordering?
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20. So if you're a chubby,
little loser like this guy, for example,
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21. that's Mark Bellison, by the way,
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22. then you're all alone
and at the bottom of the pile.
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23. But later on in the story,
his luck's gonna change
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24. when he tells the world's first lie.
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25. He doesn't even know it himself yet.
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26. So look forward to that.
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27. Don't blow this.
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28. - Hi!
- Hi.
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29. You're early.
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30. I was just masturbating.
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31. That makes me think of your vagina.
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32. I'm Mark. How are you?
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33. A little frustrated at the moment.
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34. Also, equally depressed and pessimistic
about our date tonight.
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35. Sure.
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36. I'm Anna. Come on in.
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37. Um... Just wait there.
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38. I need to finish getting ready.
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39. While doing that,
I might realise I'm still horny
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40. and try to finish masturbating
without you hearing.
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41. I feel awkward now about being early.
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42. Yeah,
I'm disappointed that you're early
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43. and not really looking forward
to tonight in general,
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44. but the thought of being alone
the rest of my life
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45. scares both my mother and me equally.
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46. Sure.
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47. Oh.
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48. I'm thinking you've started masturbating,
'cause it's like it's too quiet.
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49. And you said you were gonna
try and do it without me hearing.
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50. I'm worried the restaurant I've picked
isn't expensive enough for you.
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51. It's all I can afford
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52. in my situation.
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53. I know I'm in my 40s,
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54. but I haven't got any
financial assets to speak of.
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55. Also, my boss said
he's probably gonna fire me this week.
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56. Wow!
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57. I just masturbated.
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58. That makes me horny.
I hope this date ends in sex.
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59. I don't find you attractive.
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60. Oh!
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61. Shall we?
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62. Yeah.
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63. - After you.
- Thanks.
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64. - This is not as nice as I remember it.
- What are we gonna talk about?
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65. Hi. I'm threatened by you.
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66. Mark Bellison. Table for two.
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67. Of course. Come with me.
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68. Thank you.
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69. - Plastic.
- I'm very embarrassed I work here.
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70. - Hi.
- Hi.
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71. - Hello.
- And you're very pretty.
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72. That only makes this worse.
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73. Can I get
you two started on some drinks?
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74. - Yes.
- I'll have a Budweiser, please.
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75. I'll have a mango margarita,
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76. and I'll probably have three more drinks
by the end of the night.
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77. - Your sister?
- No.
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78. - Daughter?
- No.
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79. She's way out of your league.
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80. Thank you.
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81. Shall I ask you
some questions about yourself?
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82. Yes.
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83. How do you spend your days?
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84. I get up at 8:00 in the morning
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85. because the noise from my alarm clock
interrupts my sleep.
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86. And I lean over and just turn it off.
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87. Turn it off.
That's more specific than I thought.
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88. - Oh. What did you want to know?
- Just...
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89. - Well, do you have a job?
- I have a job in an office.
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90. - What do you do?
- I'm an executive.
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91. - Do you enjoy that?
- No.
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92. - Oh!
- But I enjoy the end result of the job,
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93. which is money.
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94. And also the hours are pretty good
for the amount of money I make,
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95. which I spend on things I like,
such as clothes and hiking and drinking,
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96. even though I know it's bad for me.
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97. But I'd rather just get all the money
and not have to work for the results.
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98. Oh, sure.
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99. Tell me something about you, though.
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100. You already know a lot about me.
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101. You know I'm good-looking
because, well, here I am.
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102. And you know that I'm successful
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103. because you've seen my apartment
and the clothes that I'm wearing.
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104. And you know I'm happy
because I'm smiling.
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105. - Are you always happy?
- Usually.
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106. Some days I stay in bed, eating and crying.
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107. - There you go.
- Thank you.
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108. - I had a little sip of this from right there, so...
- Okay.
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109. You guys ready to order
or do you need a moment?
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110. I'm good.
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111. Oh! I'll have the Caesar salad with chicken
because I think I'm fat,
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112. but I also think I deserve
something that tastes good.
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113. I'll have the fish tacos
'cause it's what I had last time I was here.
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114. It's all I know.
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115. Great. I'll get those two started.
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116. If I gave you my number, would you call me?
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117. No.
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118. Sorry. It's my mom.
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119. I think she's probably checking on the date.
It won't take long.
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120. Hello.
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121. Yes, I'm with him right now.
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122. No, not very attractive.
No, doesn't make much money.
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123. It's all right, though.
Seems nice. Kind of funny.
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124. A bit fat.
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125. Has a funny little snub nose.
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126. Kind of like a frog in the facial area.
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127. Yeah, but...
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128. No, I won't be sleeping with him tonight.
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129. No. Probably not even a kiss.
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130. Okay. You, too. Bye. Sorry about that.
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131. It's all right. Don't think twice.
How is your mum, all right?
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132. - She's all right...
- Great. That's...
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133. Thanks for going on this date with me.
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134. You're way out of my league,
and I know you only did it as a favour to Greg
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135. and I'll probably never
hear from you again, but...
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136. I had a better time than I thought I'd have.
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137. But I won't really know how I feel about you
till I'm a little less drunk.
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138. - Sure.
- Yeah.
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139. Well, call me tomorrow
if you still like me when you're sober.
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140. I might.
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141. Oh! Thank you for kissing me on the cheek.
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142. I know you didn't have to do...
You're very pretty! Good night!
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143. first used
roughly 4,000 years ago on Celtic chariots,
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144. was, for the most part,
unchanged by man until the late 1800s.
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145. Hi, I'm Bob: I'm the spokesperson
for The Coca-Cola Company.
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146. I'm here today to ask you
to continue buying Coke.
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147. I'm sure it's the drink
you've been drinking for years
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148. and if you still enjoy it, well,
I'd like to remind you
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149. to buy it again sometime soon.
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150. It's basically just brown sugar water.
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151. Haven't changed the ingredients much lately,
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152. so there's nothing new
I can tell you about that.
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153. Changed the can around a little bit, though.
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154. You can see the colours are different there,
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155. and we've added a polar bear,
so the kids like us.
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156. Coke's very high in sugar,
and like any high-calorie soda,
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157. it can lead to obesity in children and adults
who don't sustain a very healthy diet.
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158. And that's it. It's Coke.
It's very famous: Everyone knows it.
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159. I'm Bob: I work for Coke.
And I'm asking you to not stop buying Coke.
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160. That's all.
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161. It's a bit sweet.
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162. Thank you.
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163. Hold the elevator.
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164. - Hey, Mark. How's it going?
- Hi, Frank. Not too well.
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165. I went on a date last night with a girl
I've had a crush on for years,
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166. and she'll most likely never call me again.
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167. Oh, and I think I'm getting fired today.
How about you?
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168. Oh, I'm not too great, actually.
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169. I've been throwing up pain killers all night
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170. because I'm too afraid to take enough
to actually kill myself, so...
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171. See you tomorrow.
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172. If I'm not dead, then sure.
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173. - Good. That's settled, then.
- All right. Have a nice day.
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174. Cheers.
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175. This isn't natural!
None of this is natural! We're all animals!
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176. Why am I wearing clothes?
How do you people live like this?
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177. Why is there all this concrete?
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178. I woke up this morning and realised,
not only do I not love you,
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179. but also the thought
of sleeping with you sickens me.
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180. That should make me not love you,
but it only makes me love you more.
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181. I just don't want to go in there today.
I just don't, you know?
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182. All of Lecture Films' productions are written,
filmed and edited on this very lot.
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183. In fact, this building is
where Lecture Films' talented writers
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184. scour the world's past events
for the most dramatic,
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185. entertaining and even hilarious moments
from world history,
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186. which are then turned into scripts,
handed over to our world-famous readers
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187. to read off of teleprompters
and then filmed for your viewing pleasure.
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188. Now, if you'll just fol low me over here,
I will give you a sneak peek
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189. of Lecture Films'
upcoming summer blockbuster,
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190. 1812 to 1813.
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191. Coming soon
from Lecture Films,
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192. screenplay by Brad Kessler
and starring Nathan Goldfrappe,
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193. 1812 to 1813.
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194. And so Napoleon invaded Russia
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195. with a brute force
of nearly 700,000 men behind him,
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196. armed with muskets
and supported by cannon brigades.
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197. Crippled by disease and hunger,
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198. Napoleon's men persevered.
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199. It was then that...
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200. Oh, look, everyone.
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201. There's Mark Bellison,
one of Lecture Films' very own screenwriters.
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202. Mark is one of Lecture Films'
least successful screenwriters.
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203. I also hear he's most likely
getting fired today.
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204. Let's go to the editing bay, where we can
watch them put the final touches
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205. on the upcoming Lecture Films feature,
The Invention of the Fork: Right this way.
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206. Morning, Shelley.
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207. Hi, Mark.
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208. I realise more and more every day
how overqualified I am for this position
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209. and how incompetent you are at yours.
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210. Any messages?
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211. Anthony is coming up with in the hour to see
if he can get up the courage to fire you.
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212. If he can't, he said
that he'll definitely do it tomorrow.
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213. Anything else?
Any messages not to do with being fired?
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214. Well, I told everyone
you're getting fired this week
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215. and they shouldn't expect
their calls returned,
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216. so no one left any messages.
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217. Okay. Next time...
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218. I don't think there'll be a next time.
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219. take the message,
just in case I don't get fired.
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220. You're almost definitely getting fired.
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221. Yeah, but I'm still here now, so...
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222. Seems like a waste of time.
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223. No, it's not.
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224. You're getting paid for it, so let's
take the message in case I don't get...
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225. - But everyone knows that you are.
- Hasn't happened yet.
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226. Okay. But everyone knows you are.
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227. I'll be in the office, don't...
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228. Okay.
I'll be searching for new jobs on Craigslist.
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229. You should probably
just get on with your work.
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230. No, thank you!
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231. Anthony?
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232. Come in. What?
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233. Come in.
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234. Well, you look really depressed today.
That's gonna make this so much harder.
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235. - Anthony, don't fire me.
- Oh, Mark.
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236. The 1300s, they're so boring.
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237. And the last two scripts
you turned in were depressing.
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238. They were about the Black Plague.
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239. It's the 1300s.
What am I meant to write about?
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240. It's not totally your fault, Mark.
You got stuck with a tough century.
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241. - No, no, I can make it work.
- Mark.
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242. Just give it up.
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243. Nothing new is gonna
have happened in the 1300s.
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244. At Lecture Films, we just want to take
the big-name readers of the day
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245. and have them read the stories
that people know and love.
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246. I'm having...
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247. Can I... Do you mind if I...
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248. - I come back and do this tomorrow?
- Oh, well...
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249. No, I just got nervous about firing you.
I just don't do well with confrontation.
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250. Hey, maybe... Maybe if I just sleep on it.
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251. Well, then I'll be thinking,
"Will he fire me, won't he fire me?"
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252. - You're fired.
- I am fired, yeah? 'Cause I sort of...
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253. Yeah. Oh, boy.
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254. Mark, I woke up this morning,
sober, and realised that,
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255. while I did enjoy your company,
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256. based on your looks, your financial situation
and your position in life,
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257. I have no interest in you romantically.
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258. I'm just too far out of your league: Anna.
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259. Is that 'cause you just got fired?
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260. And 'cause I just got an e-mail
from a woman who...
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261. Yeah, my favourite part was when she said
it was based on your looks.
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262. You read my e-mail?
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263. Yeah. Everyone's read it.
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264. It's the best one you've had all year.
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265. Not for me.
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266. I'm gonna get a snack. Do you want a snack?
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267. So?
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268. I loathed almost every minute
that I worked for you.
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269. So, what are you gonna do now?
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270. I don't know.
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271. But I don't hold out much hope for the future.
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272. I don't have a lot of hope for you either,
but I wish you good luck.
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273. - Bye, Mark.
- Bye, Shelley.
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274. - Mark!
- Yeah?
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275. - Do you mind if I talk to you for a second?
- No.
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276. - I heard the news they were firing you, huh?
- Yeah.
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277. - That must be hard.
- Yeah.
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278. Well, I just wanted to say good bye,
and I've always hated you.
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279. - You've always...
- Hated you.
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280. - I didn't know that.
- Yeah, a lot of people knew it.
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281. - What, you told other people you hated me?
- Yeah.
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282. I even turned some people against you.
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283. Is that why you came over to talk to me?
To tell me you hated me?
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284. No, I came to say good bye to you,
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285. and the rest of it
just sort of happened on its own.
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286. Came out, yeah, sure.
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287. I always knew that the Black Plague
would never work as a movie.
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288. You're an awful writer,
assigned to an awful century.
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289. And you're a little man-bitch.
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290. Man-bitch.
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291. But I've always been threatened by you
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292. because there's something about you
that I don't understand,
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293. and I hate things that I don't understand.
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294. But you'll always be a loser.
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295. And I'll always be more successful
than you in nearly every way,
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296. and that's just the way it is.
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297. Oh, and Shelley thinks
you're an overweight homosexual.
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298. - No, I never said that.
- Thank you.
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299. I said, "Fat faggot.
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300. "Fatty, fat faggot. "
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301. I stand corrected.
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302. And I was upset with
"overweight homosexual. "
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303. Doesn't matter.
Either way, you're a dumpy little queer.
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304. Mark, try to enjoy your loser life.
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305. He's awesome.
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306. Well, no.
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307. Your opinion. Bye, Shelley.
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308. I look forward to never seeing you.
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309. Mrs Johnson,
you have got to take your medicine.
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310. - Hi.
- Are you here to abandon an elderly person?
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311. I already have. Martha Bellison, I'm her son.
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312. Ooh, it's good you're here.
She's not doing well.
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313. You should say your final good byes today.
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314. Yeah. Someone says that to me
every time I come here.
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315. She's at the top of our death pool.
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316. You look like my dead son!
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317. Each day is worse than the last.
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318. I'm on pills that make everything orange!
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319. Oh, Mum, this is so depressing.
At least look out of the window.
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320. Telly's broken.
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321. It's not broken.
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322. You probably sat on the remote
and changed the channel again.
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323. Yeah, you have, look.
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324. Gotta put it on channel three
for the satellite to work.
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325. I don't understand anything you just said.
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326. That makes me scared and angry.
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327. Lost my job today, Mum.
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328. I'm in my 40s,
and I'm alone with no prospects.
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329. Things aren't much better for me here.
But could be worse.
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330. We could be homeless.
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331. Don't you wish you could change things?
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332. Don't you wish you weren't such a loser?
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333. Well, I don't think I'm a loser.
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334. You are, Mum. Definitely.
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335. We come from a long line of losers.
It's not your fault.
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336. You're a...
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337. A loser.
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338. I love you, Mark.
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339. I love you, too, Mum.
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340. Good luck with finding a job, eh?
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341. I'll go.
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342. Oops.
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343. Shut up!
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344. Haven't even got a job.
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345. - Hi.
- I'm here for the rent.
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346. Yeah, I was gonna come
and talk to you today. I got fired yesterday.
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347. I know. That's why I'm here for the rent.
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348. - Yeah, I haven't got it.
- How much do you have?
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349. I got about $300 left in my ban k account.
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350. - The rent's 800.
- I know. I haven't got that.
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351. Then you're evicted.
You got one day to get your stuff out of here.
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352. Well, how am I gonna do that?
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353. You got $300. Rent a truck.
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354. What can I do for you today, sir?
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355. Just been evicted from my apartment.
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356. So I have to withdraw whatever I've got
in my account to move my things out.
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357. Think I have to close my account.
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358. Probably gonna be homeless. Mark Bellison.
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359. Unfortunately, sir,
the system is down right now,
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360. so I'm not gonna be able to perform
an account closure until it's back up.
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361. But I can help you with a withdrawal.
How much would you like to withdraw today?
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362. - All of it. Whatever's left.
- The system is down, sir.
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363. Can you tell me
how much is in your account?
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364. Sir?
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365. $800.
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366. Sir?
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367. - $800.
- Pardon me?
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368. I have $800 in my account.
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369. Oh! The system just came back up.
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370. - System seems to be back up, guys.
- Thanks, J ill.
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371. Just a second while I access your account.
You said you were withdrawing 800, correct?
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372. Wait a second.
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373. It says here that you only have
$300 in your account,
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374. but you said you wanted to withdraw 800?
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375. Yeah.
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376. I apologise, sir.
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377. It seems our system has made a mistake.
Let's get you your $800.
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378. Did you want large bills or small?
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379. - B ills, large.
- All right, here you go.
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380. That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, $800.
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381. Is there anything else
I can do for you today, sir?
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382. Uh-u h!
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383. Sorry for the inconvenience.
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384. - What are you doing here?
- Paying my rent.
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385. Come on!
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386. Today, I stumbled upon something
that no man has ever stumbled on before.
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387. What I've done, they'll write about
in history books for generations to come.
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388. And yet, moments ago, it was unfathomable,
not only to myself but to mankind as a whole.
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389. It's hard to describe.
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390. And it was as easy as...
How do I explain this?
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391. I said something that wasn't.
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392. Huh?
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393. I said something that wasn't. I...
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394. What's the word for it?
There is no word for it.
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395. Of course there isn't. I invented it.
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396. Watch this. Jim!
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397. What?
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398. My name is Doug.
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399. - Your name is Doug?
- Hi, Doug.
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400. That's so weird I never knew your real name.
Doug is good. It suits you.
Copy !req
401. Come on!
Copy !req
402. What's my name?
Copy !req
403. - It's Doug.
- Doug.
Copy !req
404. No, it's not! It's Mark!
Copy !req
405. - Your name is Mark?
- Hi, Mark.
Copy !req
406. - Mark suits you even better.
- Marko.
Copy !req
407. Okay, you're not getting it.
Copy !req
408. Marko.
Copy !req
409. - I'm black.
- I knew it.
Copy !req
410. You're very light-skinned, but I can see it.
Copy !req
411. - I always wanted a black friend.
- Me, too.
Copy !req
412. I'm an Eskimo.
Copy !req
413. Fantastic!
Copy !req
414. Yeah, I've never seen a black Eskimo.
Copy !req
415. I'm a pi rate.
Copy !req
416. - I didn't know they still had those.
- Are you a dangerous pi rate?
Copy !req
417. I'm a I ion tamer, and I'm wearing a wig.
Copy !req
418. Aren't you scared you'll get bitten one day?
Copy !req
419. That's a fantastic wig.
Copy !req
420. - I invented the bicycle.
- I love your work.
Copy !req
421. Can I get a discount on a ten-speed?
Copy !req
422. I'm a one-armed German space explorer.
Copy !req
423. When's your launch date?
Copy !req
424. That's a very lifelike prosthetic.
Copy !req
425. This is incredible.
Copy !req
426. Come on, let's up the stakes a little bit.
Come on.
Copy !req
427. If you could make the world
the way you wanted it to be,
Copy !req
428. what would you do?
Copy !req
429. If you could change anything,
if you could do anything,
Copy !req
430. what's the first thing you'd do?
Copy !req
431. If I could do anything?
Copy !req
432. Anything at all?
Copy !req
433. Anything at all.
Copy !req
434. I would touch girls' boobs.
Copy !req
435. Yes.
Copy !req
436. And maybe have sex with them, too.
Copy !req
437. Oh, agreed. That, too.
Copy !req
438. Okay. Let's try that.
Copy !req
439. - Where are you going?
- Out.
Copy !req
440. Don't look at me. I'm not attracted to you.
Copy !req
441. - No, listen.
- Don't bother. I've heard it all before.
Copy !req
442. The world's gonna end
unless we have sex right now!
Copy !req
443. Do we have time to get to a motel,
or do we need to do it right here?
Copy !req
444. Motel.
Copy !req
445. Help me get my dress off.
Copy !req
446. Hold on, wait, wait.
Let's get to know each other first.
Copy !req
447. No! We have to have sex.
The world is going to end!
Copy !req
448. I don't even know your...
Copy !req
449. Think of the children!
Think of the little babies.
Copy !req
450. Let's have a drink.
You look like you'd like a...
Copy !req
451. - $10 for a beer. That is...
- Don't you understand?
Copy !req
452. - We are all going to die!
- This isn't right.
Copy !req
453. Well, of course this isn't right,
the world is going to end!
Copy !req
454. We have to have sex right now!
Copy !req
455. Oh, hold on. Hi, NASA: Yeah, it's me.
Copy !req
456. I'll let her know. That is good news.
Copy !req
457. - Now.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
458. World's not gonna end. We don't have to...
Copy !req
459. - We're gonna live!
- ... sex.
Copy !req
460. We're gonna live!
Copy !req
461. Thank you! Oh, thank you!
Copy !req
462. - I've gotta go.
- Can't you stay?
Copy !req
463. We've been through so much together.
Copy !req
464. Well, that was one of
the worst experiences of my life.
Copy !req
465. Did you invent a new kind of bike?
Copy !req
466. What else would you do?
If you could do anything.
Copy !req
467. - Boob.
- No, we've done boobs.
Copy !req
468. What's the next thing you'd do?
Copy !req
469. - Eh?
- Well, what would you do?
Copy !req
470. I'd get money.
Copy !req
471. I'd get all the money.
Copy !req
472. Come on.
Copy !req
473. - Where are we going?
- On a trip.
Copy !req
474. I'll drive.
Copy !req
475. I shouldn't be d riving.
Copy !req
476. But I don't care. I'm trying to h it bottom.
Copy !req
477. H ere comes bottom. Pull over.
Copy !req
478. Just stop.
Copy !req
479. All right, do me a favour.
Let me do the talking, okay?
Copy !req
480. I think I'm gonna puke.
Copy !req
481. Do not puke
in front of an officer of the law.
Copy !req
482. Don't tell me not to puke
'cause that'll make me puke more.
Copy !req
483. Hello, Officer. How are you?
Copy !req
484. Well, I'm relieved
you're not a couple of black guys.
Copy !req
485. There's a much higher probability
that I'd be jumpy,
Copy !req
486. shoot you without provocation,
and then I could lose my weapon.
Copy !req
487. That's good.
Copy !req
488. - I don't want to go to jail.
- He doesn't want to go to jail.
Copy !req
489. Have you been drinking
and operating this motor vehicle?
Copy !req
490. - Yeah, a lot of drink.
- Well, then you're probably going to jail.
Copy !req
491. I'm gonna need you
to breathe into this for me.
Copy !req
492. Officer, you don't need to do that.
Copy !req
493. I'm gonna say that,
judging by the look of this car,
Copy !req
494. you can't afford my bribe.
Copy !req
495. Why? How much do you charge?
Copy !req
496. 5,400.
Copy !req
497. That's a lot.
Copy !req
498. That's too much, I think. Why so high?
Copy !req
499. I have an expensive cocaine habit.
Copy !req
500. But, you know, it's more than that.
Copy !req
501. I feel like when I set the price up higher,
it takes it out of the realm of petty crime
Copy !req
502. and helps me preserve
my sense of personal integrity.
Copy !req
503. Sort of feeling of self worth if you're... Yeah.
Copy !req
504. Well, it was nice chatting with you.
Copy !req
505. Anywho, I'm still gonna need you
to breathe into this for me.
Copy !req
506. You're gonna wanna blow, not suck there.
Copy !req
507. Oh, yeah. That's pretty much off the chart.
You're drunk.
Copy !req
508. - You're going to jail. Step out of the vehicle.
- I don't want to.
Copy !req
509. Sir, I'm gonna ask you to exit the vehicle
one more time.
Copy !req
510. - Might as well.
- I can't.
Copy !req
511. All right! That's it! Get out of the car!
Come on out here! You're drunk!
Copy !req
512. - You should be ashamed of yourself!
- Officer.
Copy !req
513. I'm gonna think about this later.
Copy !req
514. - Officer. Listen, no, no, no!
- Sir, please get back in the car!
Copy !req
515. Listen to what I've got to say.
Copy !req
516. He's not drunk.
Copy !req
517. I've made a terrible mistake.
Copy !req
518. I do this sometimes. I get a little...
Copy !req
519. It's the adrenaline.
Copy !req
520. Well, actually, it arouses me.
Copy !req
521. Sexually?
Copy !req
522. - Oh, that...
- I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
523. Please. Please let me help you.
Copy !req
524. Can you forgive me? Did you eat something?
Is it food poisoning?
Copy !req
525. - You'll drive?
- Yeah. Good idea. Thank you.
Copy !req
526. Sorry.
Copy !req
527. That was awesome.
Copy !req
528. - Stop laughing. I'm gonna be sick.
- You're gonna be fine.
Copy !req
529. Oh, good.
Copy !req
530. - Where are we going?
- To get rich.
Copy !req
531. What are we doing here?
We don't have any money to throw away.
Copy !req
532. We're not gonna throw it away.
Copy !req
533. - Good luck.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
534. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
535. Chips, please.
Copy !req
536. There's a very good chance
you'll lose all this money here tonight.
Copy !req
537. - I know.
- And even if you happen to win,
Copy !req
538. there's an even better chance that,
in the long run, we'll win it back.
Copy !req
539. - I know.
- Some of the games are fixed,
Copy !req
540. - like the ones that use computers.
- I know.
Copy !req
541. - Good luck.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
542. - Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Copy !req
543. If I could be a stripper, I would,
but I'm not attractive enough. Drinks?
Copy !req
544. We'll have two beers, and we'll take them
over there at the roulette table.
Copy !req
545. - Cheers.
- Come on,
Copy !req
546. roulette's the stupidest game of all.
It's all chance. There's no skill whatsoever.
Copy !req
547. It's all right, I'm feeling lucky.
Copy !req
548. - You've never had a lucky day in your life.
- Just watch.
Copy !req
549. Get your bets in.
Get your bets in.
Copy !req
550. The house always wins in the long run.
Copy !req
551. Because of the zeroes on the board,
Copy !req
552. every bet is slightly favoured
towards the house.
Copy !req
553. 35 black. No one wins.
Copy !req
554. Look at that u n usual thing, I've never...
Copy !req
555. It's gone now. I'm on 35 black, by the way.
Copy !req
556. We have a winner.
Copy !req
557. Good job!
Copy !req
558. Congratulations, sir.
Copy !req
559. I just won the major jackpot on that machine,
but no money came out.
Copy !req
560. Oh, I'm sorry about that, sir.
Copy !req
561. Let me get that fixed for you.
And can I say congratulations, sir?
Copy !req
562. Thank you.
Copy !req
563. We've got a major winner here.
Would you open up the vault?
Copy !req
564. This is the most amazing night
of my entire life.
Copy !req
565. Think how amazing it would be
if you didn't smell of vomit.
Copy !req
566. I know.
Copy !req
567. Mark, how's it going?
Copy !req
568. Good.
Copy !req
569. Oh.
Copy !req
570. How's it going with you?
Copy !req
571. Pretty awful.
Copy !req
572. I was up last night
researching on the Internet,
Copy !req
573. like, suffocation suicide.
Copy !req
574. I think that's what I'm gonna do tonight.
Copy !req
575. Later.
Copy !req
576. Frank.
Copy !req
577. Yeah?
Copy !req
578. Don't do that.
Copy !req
579. Why? I mean...
Copy !req
580. You know, I'm miserable.
I don't think anyone would care.
Copy !req
581. I'll care.
Copy !req
582. But you're a loser,
which doesn't really count.
Copy !req
583. Things are gonna be okay.
Copy !req
584. They are?
Copy !req
585. Yeah. You're gonna meet someone.
Copy !req
586. You're gonna be happy.
Copy !req
587. I shouldn't kill myself?
Copy !req
588. Definitely not.
Copy !req
589. Okay, so I don't need to kill myself.
Copy !req
590. Wow! I thought...
Copy !req
591. I thought that like... That suffocation idea,
Copy !req
592. I thought that was like
a really good idea, you know?
Copy !req
593. It wasn't.
Copy !req
594. Wow!
Copy !req
595. My night's opened up.
Copy !req
596. Do you wanna hang out or something?
Copy !req
597. Oh, not really.
Copy !req
598. It's all right. It's okay.
Copy !req
599. No! Good idea.
Copy !req
600. Let's hang out. I'll see you tonight.
Copy !req
601. I'll see you tonight.
Copy !req
602. Cool, okay.
Copy !req
603. Hello, this is Anna.
Copy !req
604. Hi, it's Mark.
Copy !req
605. Oh! Hi, Mark. Didn't you get my e-mail?
Copy !req
606. The one about not being
good enough for you?
Copy !req
607. That's the one.
Copy !req
608. Yeah, got that, cheers.
Copy !req
609. Listen, the reason I'm calling is
I want to ask you out on another date.
Copy !req
610. Why would you do that?
Copy !req
611. Well, I found out I can pretty much
have my life the way I want it.
Copy !req
612. Congratulations! I gotta go.
Copy !req
613. No, wait.
Copy !req
614. Listen, I know you said you didn't wanna go
on another date with me, ever,
Copy !req
615. but I'm different now.
I think I'm in your league.
Copy !req
616. Are you better looking?
Copy !req
617. No. More powerful.
I think you have to see it for yourself.
Copy !req
618. Have you been to the gym?
Copy !req
619. No. I joined a gym, but just...
Things have changed for me.
Copy !req
620. I think you'll hardly recognise me.
Copy !req
621. Did you buy new clothes?
Copy !req
622. No. Sorry, can we just meet up? It'd be best.
Copy !req
623. You did admit yourself that,
you know, we got on.
Copy !req
624. If you had an okay time, then please say yes.
Copy !req
625. I'm just asking for
one teensy, weensy little date.
Copy !req
626. Okay, fine.
Copy !req
627. Fantastic.
Copy !req
628. I'll pick you up tomorrow, about 8:00?
Copy !req
629. Most likely, though, this will be our last date,
so just know that.
Copy !req
630. Yeah. Great.
Copy !req
631. Okay. Bye!
Copy !req
632. Bye!
Copy !req
633. Hang up, Mark.
Copy !req
634. Bye.
Copy !req
635. MALE NARRATOR: proudly presents
The Industrial Revolution.
Copy !req
636. Hello, I'm Angelo Badsmith.
Copy !req
637. Come, watch me read
about the exciting events
Copy !req
638. that took place during
the Industrial Revolution,
Copy !req
639. written by the most beloved and esteemed
screenwriter of his generation,
Copy !req
640. Brad Kessler.
Copy !req
641. I don't think anyone can write
a better screenplay than Brad Kessler.
Copy !req
642. No?
Copy !req
643. Hey!
Copy !req
644. Did you come to beg for your job back?
Copy !req
645. Everybody!
Copy !req
646. That's the loser that thought
the Black Plague
Copy !req
647. would make an interesting film.
Copy !req
648. Hey! Good luck, douche bag.
Copy !req
649. - You can't go in there.
- I've got an appointment.
Copy !req
650. Oh, then go right in.
Copy !req
651. Talk to you later.
Copy !req
652. Hi. That was the head of the studio.
Copy !req
653. Why are you here?
Copy !req
654. Well, when you fired me,
I was seriously depressed.
Copy !req
655. - I knew it.
- But...
Copy !req
656. I went for a walk, right out of town.
Copy !req
657. And I came across a desert,
and I fell asleep under a tree, palm tree.
Copy !req
658. I don't do well
with other people's life-changing stories.
Copy !req
659. And then when I woke up,
I saw like a thing sticking out of the sand.
Copy !req
660. And I unearthed it,
and it was an ancient chest.
Copy !req
661. Really old. Seven hundred years old.
Copy !req
662. And in that chest was this.
Copy !req
663. What is it?
Copy !req
664. It's a never-before-heard event from history.
Copy !req
665. When does it take place?
Copy !req
666. 1300s.
Copy !req
667. Oh, come on, no, Mark!
Copy !req
668. Mark, I've already told you,
we don't do Black Plague movies here!
Copy !req
669. It's not about the Black Plague!
It's not just about the Black Plague.
Copy !req
670. It's about... Can I just read it, please?
Copy !req
671. Get excited. Don't tap, get excited.
Copy !req
672. Get very excited,
Copy !req
673. because this is one of the best discoveries
Copy !req
674. man has ever discovered.
Copy !req
675. And you can be part of it.
Copy !req
676. Yes, but is there a movie there?
Copy !req
677. The greatest movie
Lecture Films has ever made.
Copy !req
678. Start reading.
Copy !req
679. "On the very first day of the 14th century,
a momentous occasion occurred.
Copy !req
680. "It began like any other day.
The sunrose, babies began to cry.
Copy !req
681. "But all of that was interrupted
when a giant, flying spaceship
Copy !req
682. "crashed down from the skies
and landed in the heart of Babylon. "
Copy !req
683. What?
Copy !req
684. Uh... Get everyone in here, right now.
We got a big one.
Copy !req
685. Oh, please, Mark, continue.
Copy !req
686. "The ninja army
unleashed a giant fireball
Copy !req
687. "and brought the robot dinosaur
to its knees, saving Mars, Earth
Copy !req
688. "and the nude Amazonian alien women,
all in one sweeping motion.
Copy !req
689. "The Earth was saved.
Copy !req
690. "Jebediah and Aleena were allowed to marry
by alien King Wanglor.
Copy !req
691. "It was to be the first h u man
nude Amazonian alien woman wedding,
Copy !req
692. "and no expense would be spared.
Copy !req
693. "All of Babylon and Mars were invited
to join the celebrations.
Copy !req
694. "The wedding was held
on a brisk summer's day on Mars.
Copy !req
695. "And all of the survivors
of the Great Ninja War
Copy !req
696. "and the Black Plague were present.
Copy !req
697. "They feasted and danced and laughed,
and it was a joyous occasion.
Copy !req
698. "The moment the bride and g room kissed,
Copy !req
699. "King Wanglor performed
a mind-wipe on all the humans,
Copy !req
700. "thereby erasing all knowledge
of these events for about 700 years,
Copy !req
701. "until one day,
a great writer by the name of Mark Bellison
Copy !req
702. "would stumble across them in the desert
after being fired by his crap boss, Anthony,
Copy !req
703. "and mocked by Brad and Shelley,
two huge douche bags.
Copy !req
704. "Lecture Films would go on to make
the picture, and it'd be a huge success.
Copy !req
705. "And Mark would become very wealthy
and famous from it. "
Copy !req
706. What are you gonna call this, Mark?
Copy !req
707. The Black Plague.
Copy !req
708. I want you to start immediately
'cause I think this could be
Copy !req
709. the best screen play ever written.
Copy !req
710. Oh, it will.
Copy !req
711. It will be the best screen play
ever written by anyone.
Copy !req
712. Well...
Copy !req
713. I guess congratulations
on selling your script today.
Copy !req
714. - Cheers.
- Cheers.
Copy !req
715. Tell me something about your family.
I don't know that much about you.
Copy !req
716. We're sort of what you'd call u n lucky.
Copy !req
717. My dad was an alcoholic.
Copy !req
718. Sad.
Copy !req
719. Drinking got to a point where he lost his job,
and with a family to support,
Copy !req
720. he had no choice
but to turn to a life of crime.
Copy !req
721. What kind of crime?
Copy !req
722. Burglary. Houses, mainly.
Copy !req
723. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
724. It's Monday at noon.
You're not supposed to be at home now.
Copy !req
725. If you must know,
I'm incredibly stressed at work.
Copy !req
726. I've come home early.
I'm having a bit of me time.
Copy !req
727. More importantly, what are you doing?
Copy !req
728. Well, I was gonna rob your house.
Copy !req
729. I don't like that idea. Not a fan of that at all.
Copy !req
730. Well, I'm not gonna do it now
because you're in.
Copy !req
731. And do you know what's gonna happen?
Copy !req
732. I'm gonna call the police,
you're gonna be arrested.
Copy !req
733. Well, I'm just gonna leave,
and you don't know my name.
Copy !req
734. - What is your name?
- Richard Bellison.
Copy !req
735. Good to meet you.
Copy !req
736. You've got two options. Option one,
I send the police to your house, right?
Copy !req
737. Arrest you there,
embarrass you in front of your neighbours.
Copy !req
738. Or option two, you just come in
and wait for the police here.
Copy !req
739. - No, I'll wait.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
740. - Come on in then. Do you want a cup of tea?
- Yeah, that'd be great.
Copy !req
741. He spent the last years
of his life in jail.
Copy !req
742. I never really knew him.
Copy !req
743. But I've been blessed
with some luck as well in my life.
Copy !req
744. I had a wonderful mother who raised me.
Copy !req
745. - Oh, that's sweet.
- She's great.
Copy !req
746. Where is she?
Copy !req
747. At an old people's home.
Copy !req
748. But I'm gonna get her out of there tomorrow.
Copy !req
749. I'm gonna get her a mansion,
Copy !req
750. so she can spend
the rest of her life in luxury.
Copy !req
751. That's nice.
Copy !req
752. - Compliments from the chef.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
753. I don't know what's wrong with him today,
but these just look awful.
Copy !req
754. They look fine to me.
Copy !req
755. Well, you're stupid.
Copy !req
756. I was thinking.
Copy !req
757. Now I'm obviously rich and successful and...
Copy !req
758. Maybe I'm in your league
and that we could be together, romantically.
Copy !req
759. What would be the point?
Copy !req
760. We might enjoy it.
Copy !req
761. Well, I do like you
and I do enjoy your company.
Copy !req
762. And if we were to get together and procreate,
Copy !req
763. I would like the offspring
that are carrying half my genetic code
Copy !req
764. to be well taken care of, financially stable.
Copy !req
765. I also think you'd make a good father
and a good husband, which I like.
Copy !req
766. Fantastic.
Copy !req
767. Unfortunately, none of that changes the fact
Copy !req
768. that you'd still be contributing
half the genetic code to our children.
Copy !req
769. I don't want little fat kids with snub noses.
Copy !req
770. Sure.
Copy !req
771. Sorry.
Copy !req
772. Hello? S peaking.
Copy !req
773. She what?
Copy !req
774. Mum?
Copy !req
775. They just called me. What's going on?
Copy !req
776. They said I'm probably gonna die tonight.
Copy !req
777. What?
Copy !req
778. Hello, there.
I was just coming in to check on her.
Copy !req
779. You must be Martha's son.
Copy !req
780. What do you mean, she's gonna die tonight?
Copy !req
781. It does not look very good.
She suffered a major heart attack.
Copy !req
782. Her heart is very weak.
Her pulse is not very strong.
Copy !req
783. Her blood pressure is dropping rapidly,
Copy !req
784. and she will probably suffer
a fatal heart attack sometime tonight.
Copy !req
785. Yes. Still going to die.
Copy !req
786. Side note,
Copy !req
787. it's fajita night downstairs in the cafeteria,
Copy !req
788. so you might wanna grab yourself
a little bite down there after Mom dies.
Copy !req
789. Okay?
Copy !req
790. I'm so scared, Mark.
Copy !req
791. People don't talk about it,
but death is a horrible thing.
Copy !req
792. One minute, you're alive,
Copy !req
793. and then just like that, it's all gone.
Copy !req
794. This is it, Mark.
Copy !req
795. Few more hours like this and then
Copy !req
796. an eternity of nothingness.
Copy !req
797. Nurse!
Copy !req
798. Her vitals are dropping.
Copy !req
799. I'm so... I'm so frightened.
Copy !req
800. Oh, Mum.
Copy !req
801. Mum, listen to me.
Copy !req
802. Listen carefully.
Copy !req
803. You're wrong about
what happens after you die.
Copy !req
804. It's not an eternity of nothingness.
Copy !req
805. Huh?
Copy !req
806. You go to your favourite place
in the whole world.
Copy !req
807. Yeah. And everyone you've ever loved
and who's ever loved you will be there.
Copy !req
808. And you'll be young again.
Copy !req
809. You'll run and jump
like you used to and dance.
Copy !req
810. You used to dance.
Copy !req
811. There's no pain.
Copy !req
812. Just love.
Copy !req
813. Happiness.
Copy !req
814. And everyone gets a mansion.
Copy !req
815. And it lasts for an eternity. An eternity, Mum.
Copy !req
816. Say hello to Dad for me.
Copy !req
817. Tell him I love him.
Copy !req
818. - Go on.
- What else happens?
Copy !req
819. Mum.
Copy !req
820. I'm gonna see my mother again when I die.
Copy !req
821. Will you tell us more, please?
Copy !req
822. Hi.
Copy !req
823. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Copy !req
824. There he is! That's him!
Copy !req
825. Is there only one place you go when you die?
Copy !req
826. Will everyone who has ever died be there?
Copy !req
827. What's this place called?
Copy !req
828. Will I get to have sex with people there?
Copy !req
829. Are there shopping malls?
Copy !req
830. What about smoking?
Can we smoke up there?
Copy !req
831. Hi.
Copy !req
832. They're saying you know something different
about what happens after you die.
Copy !req
833. Twenty four hours ago, Mark Bellison
was just your typical nobody writer.
Copy !req
834. Today, people are saying
he has new information
Copy !req
835. about what happens after you die.
Copy !req
836. Oh, this is bad.
Copy !req
837. I just need to get... I know, I'm sorry.
Pardon me. Pardon me, please.
Copy !req
838. Oopsie! Excuse me. Um, oh, excuse me.
Copy !req
839. Quick.
Copy !req
840. Come in.
Copy !req
841. Yeah.
Copy !req
842. Just tell me what you told your mom.
Copy !req
843. I don't think I should. Anything can happen.
Copy !req
844. I've got to keep my mouth shut from now on.
Why did I...
Copy !req
845. Whatever you said
obviously affected a lot of people.
Copy !req
846. I mean, I don't think you have
the choice to keep it in.
Copy !req
847. Yes, I do. I could walk out that door now.
Copy !req
848. I could get on the first plane to Namibia.
No one knows me there.
Copy !req
849. Just tell me what you said, Mark.
Please, just tell me.
Copy !req
850. My mum was dying, she was scared,
she was shaking all over,
Copy !req
851. and she said she didn't want to
just enter a world of nothingness.
Copy !req
852. So I said, "You're wrong about what happens
after you die. "
Copy !req
853. And I told her, I said,
Copy !req
854. "It's not a world of nothingness.
Copy !req
855. "You go to the best place ever,
where all your friends are
Copy !req
856. "and you have an eternity of joy. "
Copy !req
857. I made her happy.
Copy !req
858. How do you know these things?
Copy !req
859. Well, I...
Copy !req
860. Oh, that makes me happy.
Copy !req
861. You have to tell them everything you know.
You have to. It's too big.
Copy !req
862. Listen to me, you don't understand.
The things I told my mum...
Copy !req
863. Didn't you say that it made her happy
to hear them?
Copy !req
864. - Yes.
- And how did that make you feel?
Copy !req
865. - Good.
- So imagine how it would feel
Copy !req
866. to do the same for all of these people.
Copy !req
867. Uh, okay.
Copy !req
868. I need some time.
Copy !req
869. You sure I should do this?
Copy !req
870. Of course you should.
Copy !req
871. Mark, what you know
is gonna change man kind forever.
Copy !req
872. It's the most important thing
the world has ever heard.
Copy !req
873. I'll let you work.
Copy !req
874. Come in.
Copy !req
875. I brought pizza.
Copy !req
876. How come you never told me
we all get mansions?
Copy !req
877. - Uh, I didn't...
- Just let him keep working.
Copy !req
878. It's one thing that you invented
the bicycle, but...
Copy !req
879. Just keep working, don't worry about...
Copy !req
880. I've known him for a long time,
and he never told me that.
Copy !req
881. - I got plain, and I got...
- That's good.
Copy !req
882. I got another plain.
Copy !req
883. In London, England,
they wait.
Copy !req
884. In Rome, Italy, they wait.
In New York City, they wait.
Copy !req
885. The world has come to a standstill,
Copy !req
886. with everyone
at their televisions and radios,
Copy !req
887. or here on this lawn,
Copy !req
888. waiting for Mark Bellison to come forth
and tell the people what he knows.
Copy !req
889. Oh!
Copy !req
890. Hi.
Copy !req
891. I've finished.
Copy !req
892. Are you ready?
Copy !req
893. - I guess so.
- Oh.
Copy !req
894. I wish I had something better
to put these on, though, like tablets.
Copy !req
895. Or just even better paper.
Copy !req
896. - That feels better.
- Good.
Copy !req
897. Just...
Copy !req
898. Just tell them what you know.
Copy !req
899. - Good luck out there, man.
- Cheers.
Copy !req
900. Twenty four hours ago,
Copy !req
901. Mark Bellison was just
your typical nobody writer.
Copy !req
902. Today, people are saying
he has new information
Copy !req
903. about what happens after you die.
Copy !req
904. Sorry.
Copy !req
905. I guess
Copy !req
906. you heard about the stuff
that I told my mum the other night.
Copy !req
907. That's why you're here.
Copy !req
908. I know some things,
some very important things
Copy !req
909. about what happens to you after you die.
Copy !req
910. Everything you need to know
Copy !req
911. is written on these pizza boxes.
Copy !req
912. "Number one,
Copy !req
913. "there is a man in the sky
who controls everything.
Copy !req
914. - "Number two... "
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
915. What does he look like?
Copy !req
916. Uh, tall, big hands for making stuff.
Good head of hair.
Copy !req
917. What ethnicity is he?
Copy !req
918. Uh, he's a new type of ethnicity.
Copy !req
919. He's a mixture of all our ethnicities.
Copy !req
920. - Does he live in the clouds?
- No.
Copy !req
921. - Can we see him?
- No.
Copy !req
922. He lives higher than the clouds,
too high to see him.
Copy !req
923. - So he lives in space.
- Not that high.
Copy !req
924. So then the thermosphere?
Copy !req
925. Sorry, people. I've got a lot
to get through here. Can we just...
Copy !req
926. Man lives in the sky, you can't see him.
He controls everything. Cool?
Copy !req
927. Good. "Number two,
Copy !req
928. "when you die, you don't disappear
into an eternity of nothingness.
Copy !req
929. "Instead, you go to a really great place. "
Copy !req
930. "Number three,
Copy !req
931. "in that place, everyone will get a mansion. "
Copy !req
932. - What kind of mansion?
- The best mansion you could think of.
Copy !req
933. Ah, I was thinking of a horrible mansion!
Copy !req
934. Well, no.
Copy !req
935. It's the best mansion you could ever think of.
Copy !req
936. Not the one you're thinking of
right now, but ever.
Copy !req
937. Whatever the best mansion is you'd like,
that's the one you're gonna get.
Copy !req
938. "Number four,
Copy !req
939. "when you die,
all the people you love will be there. "
Copy !req
940. Will they have their own mansions?
Copy !req
941. Yeah. Of course. Everyone gets a mansion.
Copy !req
942. What if I want them to live in my mansion?
Copy !req
943. Well, that's fine. They'll leave their mansion.
They'll come and live with you, won't they?
Copy !req
944. - What happens to their mansion?
- I don't know. It goes back on the market.
Copy !req
945. Can we... "Number five,
Copy !req
946. "when you die, there will be free ice cream
for everyone.
Copy !req
947. "All day and all night,
whatever flavours you can think of. "
Copy !req
948. - Even bad flavours?
- Why would you think of bad flavours?
Copy !req
949. You just said every flavour I could think of.
Copy !req
950. Oh, no. I just thought of vanilla and skunks.
Copy !req
951. Well, don't eat that, then.
Copy !req
952. I just thought
that chocolate sauce was diarrhoea.
Copy !req
953. Don't put that on the ice cream, then!
What is the matter with you people?
Copy !req
954. Can we... Please. "Number six,
Copy !req
955. "if you do bad things, you won't get to go
to this great place when you die. "
Copy !req
956. Where will you go?
Copy !req
957. A terrible place, the worst place imaginable.
Copy !req
958. What constitutes a bad thing?
Copy !req
959. Awful crimes, rape, murder, things like that.
Copy !req
960. - Is punching someone bad?
- Yes.
Copy !req
961. - What if they're trying to hurt you?
- Well, then it's fine.
Copy !req
962. - Is cursing bad?
- No.
Copy !req
963. - What about being late for work?
- No, that's...
Copy !req
964. I mean, you might lose your job
if the boss doesn't like it,
Copy !req
965. but it won't affect what happens
to you after you die.
Copy !req
966. What about if you forget to feed your dog?
Copy !req
967. Well, then, if you forget,
I mean, it's bad for the dog.
Copy !req
968. If the dog dies, it's bad, but it's not...
I mean, don't do it on purpose.
Copy !req
969. Don't buy a dog just to starve it
for a laugh, but... Can we...
Copy !req
970. If I do just one bad thing,
do I go to the bad place?
Copy !req
971. No!
Copy !req
972. You get three chances.
Copy !req
973. Three bad things and you're out.
Copy !req
974. Like baseball!
Copy !req
975. Sort of. So, anything else?
Copy !req
976. Yeah!
Copy !req
977. - Oh, please, can we just move on?
- No!
Copy !req
978. We have to know everything that's bad.
Copy !req
979. Yeah.
Copy !req
980. Fine.
Copy !req
981. Is it bad to wear pants?
Copy !req
982. Oh. What the...
Copy !req
983. No. There is no hairstyle
that can put you in the bad place.
Copy !req
984. We've been through this.
Copy !req
985. The main ones are things like hurting people
physically, on purpose, okay?
Copy !req
986. Taking their stuff, doing things
to people they don't want done,
Copy !req
987. murdering people on purpose.
Copy !req
988. Okay. "Number nine,
Copy !req
989. "the man in the sky who controls everything
Copy !req
990. "decides if you go to the good place
or the bad place.
Copy !req
991. "He also decides who lives and who dies. "
Copy !req
992. - Does he cause natural disasters?
- Yes.
Copy !req
993. - Did he cause my mom to get cancer?
- Yes.
Copy !req
994. Did he cause that tree to land
on my car last week?
Copy !req
995. - Yeah.
- Did he kill my dad with that heart attack?
Copy !req
996. Yeah.
Copy !req
997. I say fuck the man that lives in the sky!
Copy !req
998. Yeah, that guy's evil!
Copy !req
999. That guy's a coward, hiding up there
doing bad things to us.
Copy !req
1000. Why doesn't he do it to our faces?
Copy !req
1001. We have to stop that evil bastard
before he kills us all!
Copy !req
1002. Wait, wait, listen.
Copy !req
1003. The man who lives in the sky
and controls everything
Copy !req
1004. is also responsible for
all the good stuff that happens.
Copy !req
1005. He's the guy that saved my life
on that fishing trip when the boat capsized?
Copy !req
1006. - Yes.
- Did he capsize the boat?
Copy !req
1007. Yeah.
Copy !req
1008. He killed my grand mother
and left me those millions of dollars?
Copy !req
1009. You bet yeah.
Copy !req
1010. So, he's the one
who cured my mom's cancer?
Copy !req
1011. Yeah.
Copy !req
1012. So, he's kind of a good guy,
but he's also kind of a prick, too.
Copy !req
1013. Yeah. Right, but check this out, okay?
Copy !req
1014. "Number ten, even if the man in the sky
does bad stuff to you,
Copy !req
1015. "he makes up for it by giving you
an eternity of good stuff after you die. "
Copy !req
1016. As long as you don't do any of that
bad stuff that you mentioned, right?
Copy !req
1017. - Yeah, of course.
- So it's kind of a test.
Copy !req
1018. Yeah.
Copy !req
1019. Well, that's everything I know.
Copy !req
1020. How do you know all these things?
Copy !req
1021. Because the man in the sky told me.
Copy !req
1022. Yeah, well, how come we're just finding out
about these things now,
Copy !req
1023. millions of years into our existence?
Copy !req
1024. I don't know. He forgot.
Got... Seen all the stuff he does?
Copy !req
1025. Thank you.
Copy !req
1026. Think that went well.
Copy !req
1027. Cheers, cheers.
Copy !req
1028. - Cheers.
- Cheers.
Copy !req
1029. Did I ever tell you about the time
I saved a baby from a burning building
Copy !req
1030. and there was a bear, and...
Copy !req
1031. Wait, there was a burning building
and a bear?
Copy !req
1032. Yeah, well, I heard a baby crying
and so I ran in there through the flames,
Copy !req
1033. not caring about my own safety,
got the baby, jumped out.
Copy !req
1034. It was the second storey, jumped out.
Copy !req
1035. I landed, baby safe. But then this bear...
Copy !req
1036. - Wait, how did you survive?
- Well, let me tell you.
Copy !req
1037. No, how did you survive the jump?
Copy !req
1038. I've seen you twist your ankle
crossing the street.
Copy !req
1039. Because on this occasion
I landed in something soft.
Copy !req
1040. - Oh.
- So...
Copy !req
1041. What did you land in?
Copy !req
1042. - Jam.
- Jam.
Copy !req
1043. It was a barrel of jam.
It was a jam factory on fire.
Copy !req
1044. Probably what attracted the bear
in the first place.
Copy !req
1045. - Right.
- You haven't heard of that?
Copy !req
1046. The burning building, baby,
bear, factory, jam incident?
Copy !req
1047. Shoot, no.
Copy !req
1048. Yeah, classic. So, I land.
Copy !req
1049. This bear is coming toward,
big, lumbering, eating machine
Copy !req
1050. like that happy chap over there.
Copy !req
1051. - What, sleeping, ugly fatty?
- Well...
Copy !req
1052. - He's not happy.
- Well, how do you know?
Copy !req
1053. What do you mean?
Look at him. He's a loser.
Copy !req
1054. You can't tell that
from just looking at the guy.
Copy !req
1055. He could be the world's greatest poet.
Copy !req
1056. Well, he probably is a loser. Bad example.
Copy !req
1057. But I'm saying, it doesn't have to be,
just by...
Copy !req
1058. Okay. What do you see
when you see this fellow here?
Copy !req
1059. Short, sweaty, bald guy.
Copy !req
1060. - Right.
- Hi!
Copy !req
1061. He's carrying a briefcase.
He's in a hurry.
Copy !req
1062. He's probably off to
a really important meeting.
Copy !req
1063. He's probably a high-powered businessman.
Copy !req
1064. You see more than I do.
Copy !req
1065. Well, because, if you look...
Copy !req
1066. What do you see when you see those guys?
Copy !req
1067. Mmm...
Copy !req
1068. Two nerdy losers in hats?
Copy !req
1069. Yeah. Good. Good observational skills.
Copy !req
1070. But what I mean is, look beyond
just their appearance and look at them.
Copy !req
1071. They're holding hands. They're in love.
Copy !req
1072. Hey, do me.
Copy !req
1073. I mean, just what do you see?
What do you see in me?
Copy !req
1074. You're pretty.
Copy !req
1075. You've got a wonderful smile.
Copy !req
1076. - Well, that's what everyone sees.
- I wasn't finished.
Copy !req
1077. You're the sweetest,
most caring person I know.
Copy !req
1078. And you've got a freckle there
I've never told you about how much I love.
Copy !req
1079. You usually smile,
Copy !req
1080. but sometimes you spend your day in bed,
eating and crying.
Copy !req
1081. You'll hold someone's hand
after their mum...
Copy !req
1082. You're the most wonderful person
I've ever met.
Copy !req
1083. What do you see when you look at me?
Copy !req
1084. You're chubby and you have a snub nose.
Copy !req
1085. Yeah. That's about it.
Copy !req
1086. You're smart.
Copy !req
1087. You're kind.
Copy !req
1088. You're the sweetest man I've ever met.
Copy !req
1089. You are definitely
the most interesting person I know.
Copy !req
1090. And you are fun to be with.
Copy !req
1091. And you see the world in a way
that nobody else sees the world,
Copy !req
1092. and I like the way you see the world.
Copy !req
1093. And you're my best friend.
Copy !req
1094. You make me happier
than anyone I've ever known.
Copy !req
1095. - Why can't we be together, then?
- Because of the whole genetics thing.
Copy !req
1096. Little fat kids with snub noses.
Copy !req
1097. It's a shame that being rich and famous
doesn't change your genetics.
Copy !req
1098. Because I love you.
Copy !req
1099. Does being rich and famous
change your genetic material?
Copy !req
1100. No.
Copy !req
1101. It doesn't. O u r kids would be
little fat things with snub noses.
Copy !req
1102. Thanks for that, Jim.
Next up, Mark Bellison.
Copy !req
1103. Does he deserve all the money and fame
Copy !req
1104. or is he just some fat loser
who hears things from the man in the sky?
Copy !req
1105. I say fat loser, Bob.
Copy !req
1106. It's as simple as this, Jim.
Just look at the guy.
Copy !req
1107. He's fat, he's stupid-looking.
What else do you need to know?
Copy !req
1108. And what about the hundreds of people
camping out on his lawn?
Copy !req
1109. I mean, don't those people have jobs?
Copy !req
1110. Maybe they're all fat losers like him.
Copy !req
1111. Stay tuned, we got weather in five.
Copy !req
1112. And then write, "The duck flew all the way
to Alaska to meet up
Copy !req
1113. "with his friend
who was a polar bear who lived there. "
Copy !req
1114. - "And the polar bear... "
- How many of these have you had?
Copy !req
1115. Doesn't matter. Uh... "The end. "
Copy !req
1116. - That's a strange ending.
- It is, isn't it?
Copy !req
1117. And you want me to take this over
to Lecture Films?
Copy !req
1118. - Yeah.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1119. Tell them to film that one this week.
Copy !req
1120. Okay.
Copy !req
1121. Tell them it's for kids.
Copy !req
1122. Kids will love that, won't they?
Copy !req
1123. Bears and ducks in cars.
Copy !req
1124. - What's that?
- It's a birthday card for you.
Copy !req
1125. - You want it?
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1126. Oh, I came to tell you
that I can't watch a movie with you tonight.
Copy !req
1127. - Why not?
- 'Cause I have a date.
Copy !req
1128. Who with?
Copy !req
1129. - Brad Kessler.
- Brad Kessler?
Copy !req
1130. You know what I think of him.
I think he is the world's biggest douche bag.
Copy !req
1131. - To you. Not to me.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1132. He's very sweet and kind to me.
Copy !req
1133. Well, of course he is. Look at you!
A shark would be sweet and kind to you.
Copy !req
1134. - It would?
- No, it wouldn't.
Copy !req
1135. Do not get in with a shark.
It will just... I was just...
Copy !req
1136. - But don't go out with him.
- Why not?
Copy !req
1137. - Well, he's an excel lent match for me.
- Well, don't sleep with him.
Copy !req
1138. - Why not?
- What? You were going to?
Copy !req
1139. If I don't sleep with him,
Copy !req
1140. then he'll find another acceptable mate
who would sleep with him.
Copy !req
1141. - Then I'll miss out.
- No, he won't.
Copy !req
1142. - Yes.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1143. You haven't thought this through.
Copy !req
1144. Because if I was going out
on a date with you...
Copy !req
1145. And if you were attractive, like Brad.
Copy !req
1146. Yes. Well, why...
Copy !req
1147. But I would... I would lose respect for you...
Copy !req
1148. - Huh?
- ... if you slept with me on the first date.
Copy !req
1149. I would because I...
Copy !req
1150. Just chat, just talk to him, sure.
Copy !req
1151. But, listen, do not, whatever...
Copy !req
1152. Let him know
what a wonderful person you are just by...
Copy !req
1153. Verbally, not with... Because he will then go,
Copy !req
1154. "Oh, I... I want to date her...
I want a second date. "
Copy !req
1155. Do not...
Copy !req
1156. Do not have sex with anyone
unless you are married to them
Copy !req
1157. is the rule.
Copy !req
1158. Settled.
Copy !req
1159. - Okay.
- Good.
Copy !req
1160. What's this?
Copy !req
1161. Birthday coupon for sex.
Copy !req
1162. It's a coupon for birthday sex.
So it's sex with you 'cause it's my birthday?
Copy !req
1163. What do you get the man
who has everything?
Copy !req
1164. - Sorry.
- Forget about it now. Sorry, I didn't know.
Copy !req
1165. - No, no, no, stop.
- We're not married.
Copy !req
1166. Which is what you just said.
Copy !req
1167. Do not sleep with anyone
unless you're married to them.
Copy !req
1168. That's what I said. But hold on, though.
What about the coupon?
Copy !req
1169. - The rule is...
- Yes, I know what the rule is.
Copy !req
1170. So we can't...
Copy !req
1171. The coupon, it's just such a...
Copy !req
1172. - Rule.
- Such a shame to waste it.
Copy !req
1173. - But, I mean, you know...
- It's too bad.
Copy !req
1174. It is, it is.
Copy !req
1175. Now I can't redeem sex with this.
Copy !req
1176. So you'd like what?
What am I gonna get you now?
Copy !req
1177. Can't have sex with you.
Copy !req
1178. You probably just prefer socks, right?
Copy !req
1179. Yeah. Shitty little woollen ones,
instead of sex.
Copy !req
1180. Hello?
Copy !req
1181. Oh, he's coming.
Copy !req
1182. Well, why have you invited him here?
Copy !req
1183. I didn't. It was his idea.
Copy !req
1184. I bet it was. It's my house.
Copy !req
1185. - Anna.
- You are so handsome.
Copy !req
1186. I know.
Copy !req
1187. - Mark. You look like trash.
- Oh, your opinion.
Copy !req
1188. Let's go have some fun.
Copy !req
1189. - Not too much.
- Hey! What are you doing with that?
Copy !req
1190. That is a coupon for birthday sex.
Copy !req
1191. - With you?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1192. But he doesn't want it
because we're not married.
Copy !req
1193. - He'd rather have a pair of socks, right?
- Can I have it?
Copy !req
1194. Oh, sure. Of course,
we'll have to get married to use it.
Copy !req
1195. Well, maybe we just will.
Copy !req
1196. Well, don't... I'm not happy for that. What...
Copy !req
1197. I'll call you later.
Copy !req
1198. - I thought we'd celebrate tonight.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
1199. Today I was handed
a very impressive promotion.
Copy !req
1200. Not only am I the head writer
of the coveted first century,
Copy !req
1201. but today I was handed the reins
to the 18th, 19th, and 20th centuries.
Copy !req
1202. - Oh, that is exciting.
- It's very, very exciting.
Copy !req
1203. No other writer's ever had
that many centuries,
Copy !req
1204. let alone four of the most popular ones.
Copy !req
1205. Mark's never had more than one century.
Copy !req
1206. Mark also has the man in the sky
Copy !req
1207. telling him stories
no one's ever heard before.
Copy !req
1208. Yes, but does he look like this?
Copy !req
1209. Does he have my genetics?
My confidence? My charisma?
Copy !req
1210. - No.
- No.
Copy !req
1211. I'm gonna send that bottle back.
Copy !req
1212. Not because it's turned, but because
I want to appear discerning and powerful.
Copy !req
1213. Yes, sir.
Copy !req
1214. Also, I think we're ready to order.
Copy !req
1215. She will have the small Caesar salad
because I don't want her to get fat.
Copy !req
1216. And I will have the fillet, rare,
because it's expensive,
Copy !req
1217. it tastes good, and I'm important.
Copy !req
1218. Excel lent.
Copy !req
1219. I understand why you want me to have
the small Caesar salad, but I am very hungry.
Copy !req
1220. - Maybe we could add some chicken.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
1221. We both know that one day
you're going to lose your looks.
Copy !req
1222. You know, get old, wrinkly, ugly.
Copy !req
1223. Why throw a weight problem on top of it
with delicious, fatty chicken?
Copy !req
1224. Of course not.
Copy !req
1225. Oh, I'm sorry. That must be my mom
calling to check on our date.
Copy !req
1226. She's very control ling and impatient.
Copy !req
1227. Let me talk to her.
Copy !req
1228. Okay.
Copy !req
1229. Anna's mom, you're on with Brad Kessler.
Copy !req
1230. - Yes, your daughter looks beautiful.
- Ah!
Copy !req
1231. No, she hasn't blown it by boring me.
Copy !req
1232. Okay, you're annoying me now.
Copy !req
1233. Your voice is shrill. Good bye.
Copy !req
1234. Sorry.
Copy !req
1235. Thank you.
Copy !req
1236. Mmm!
Copy !req
1237. You know, you are
a near perfect match for me,
Copy !req
1238. physically, genetically,
socially, economically.
Copy !req
1239. I agree.
Copy !req
1240. And a large part of me just wants to bag you
Copy !req
1241. because Mark's in love with you
and I enjoy watching him fail.
Copy !req
1242. Why do you hate Mark so much?
He's a really good friend of mine.
Copy !req
1243. Because he's a loser.
Copy !req
1244. I'm the one who should be living in
a mansion and talking to the man in the sky.
Copy !req
1245. But I can have the one thing that he can't.
Copy !req
1246. - You.
- Ah!
Copy !req
1247. Because you are sensible.
Copy !req
1248. You want to marry a strong genetic match
Copy !req
1249. and maybe one day
have children that aren't...
Copy !req
1250. Little fat kids with snub noses.
Copy !req
1251. Exactly.
Copy !req
1252. Exactly. Yeah.
Copy !req
1253. The man in the sky,
in his infinite wisdom,
Copy !req
1254. has told us that we can do two bad things
and still get into our mansion.
Copy !req
1255. So I say to you...
Copy !req
1256. No. I won't move into your mansion with you
when we die. You're really smothering me.
Copy !req
1257. The more you push me away,
the more attracted I am to you.
Copy !req
1258. Out of the way, fatty!
Copy !req
1259. Hey, you're Mark Bellison.
Copy !req
1260. Yeah. You gonna apologise?
Copy !req
1261. For what?
Copy !req
1262. - Who wants another drink?
- Yeah, please.
Copy !req
1263. I'll take one.
Copy !req
1264. Thanks.
Copy !req
1265. What's going on?
Copy !req
1266. What, I can't be depressed
Copy !req
1267. 'cause I've got a big house
and loads of money?
Copy !req
1268. What about you guys?
Are you happier, at least?
Copy !req
1269. Since the man in the sky?
Copy !req
1270. - Yeah, definitely.
- Very happy.
Copy !req
1271. Are you still lonely?
Have you found someone yet?
Copy !req
1272. - Uh, no, I kind of gave up on that.
- Why?
Copy !req
1273. Well, because I was thinking
that if I get eternal happiness when I die,
Copy !req
1274. that'll be really great because it's eternal,
Copy !req
1275. you know, so you can't really beat that.
Copy !req
1276. So I'm just really happy
that that's gonna happen.
Copy !req
1277. So until then I think
I'm just gonna stick with the alcohol
Copy !req
1278. and my little apartment and just kind of
hang out by myself and drink and watch TV.
Copy !req
1279. That doesn't sound like a happy life.
That sounds like a long, miserable one.
Copy !req
1280. Well, no, it won't be that long,
because the more I drink, the faster I'll die.
Copy !req
1281. And I'm just waiting for that mansion,
you know?
Copy !req
1282. That's what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
1283. Brilliant.
Copy !req
1284. You call him on the phone,
on a telephone?
Copy !req
1285. No, I just... He's speaking to me now.
Copy !req
1286. - Is he saying something?
- He is, yeah.
Copy !req
1287. Well, would you please tell us
what he's saying?
Copy !req
1288. He's saying,
"Why are you speaking to that idiot? "
Copy !req
1289. And I'm saying back,
"I'll give him a chance..."
Copy !req
1290. There's got to be something better on TV
than this.
Copy !req
1291. Oh, wait, Mom, don't change it.
That's my very good friend.
Copy !req
1292. Oh, please. I know all your friends,
and they're nothing like that.
Copy !req
1293. What's that supposed to mean?
Copy !req
1294. It means just because
he's talking to the man in the sky
Copy !req
1295. doesn't make him good enough
to be your friend.
Copy !req
1296. What if I wanted him to be
more than just my friend?
Copy !req
1297. Man in the sky forbid.
Copy !req
1298. It would make no sense.
Copy !req
1299. Mark Bellison is who the man in the sky
chose to speak through,
Copy !req
1300. but that doesn't change the fact
that he's still a loser
Copy !req
1301. and your kids would be, too.
Copy !req
1302. - Well, he is more than just that.
- There's nothing more than that.
Copy !req
1303. Losers are losers. That's all they'll ever be.
Copy !req
1304. He is...
Copy !req
1305. He's smart, he's funny,
and he's kind, and he is loving.
Copy !req
1306. And he makes me feel special.
He makes me happy.
Copy !req
1307. You are going to be
with the person who's right for you,
Copy !req
1308. the person who'll give you
the kids you've always wanted.
Copy !req
1309. Someone like Brad Kessler.
Copy !req
1310. Hello, Brad. One moment.
Copy !req
1311. - S peak to him. Don't blow this.
- Mom!
Copy !req
1312. Hello.
Copy !req
1313. Hi, Brad.
Copy !req
1314. I miss you, Mum.
Copy !req
1315. I know you can't hear me.
Copy !req
1316. I know you're not up there in a mansion.
Copy !req
1317. You're right here in the ground.
Copy !req
1318. And I'm the only person in the world
who knows that.
Copy !req
1319. And I'm not happy.
Copy !req
1320. I did all this, but...
Copy !req
1321. I'm not happy because
Copy !req
1322. no one listens to what they really want.
Copy !req
1323. That's why I'll always be a loser.
Copy !req
1324. That's why I'll always be alone.
Copy !req
1325. Mark.
Copy !req
1326. You look awful.
Copy !req
1327. Can I come in?
Copy !req
1328. - Haven't seen you much lately.
- Yeah, I know.
Copy !req
1329. I've been busy with work and things and...
Copy !req
1330. Also, I tried calling you
and you never answer your phone.
Copy !req
1331. - Did you know I was getting married?
- Yeah, I heard.
Copy !req
1332. That's why I came over here, actually.
I wanted to give you this invitation.
Copy !req
1333. Don't do it.
Copy !req
1334. The wedding is tomorrow.
Copy !req
1335. Please, don't marry him.
Copy !req
1336. - I hope you'll come.
- Why?
Copy !req
1337. Because it would make me happy.
Copy !req
1338. Being around you makes me happy.
Copy !req
1339. Then why are you marrying him?
Copy !req
1340. I only have a certain amount of time
that I can find my ideal genetic partner,
Copy !req
1341. have the children that I've always wanted.
Copy !req
1342. You know that.
Copy !req
1343. One day, Mark,
Copy !req
1344. I'll be wrinkly and old, ugly.
Copy !req
1345. No, you won't. Not to me.
Copy !req
1346. You'll never be ugly.
Copy !req
1347. You're confusing me.
Copy !req
1348. - Please take this.
- Have a nice life.
Copy !req
1349. Enjoying your ice cream,
you fat loser?
Copy !req
1350. Stop that!
Copy !req
1351. It's okay. Forget about them.
Copy !req
1352. What's your name?
Copy !req
1353. Short Fat Brian.
Copy !req
1354. Well, Brian.
Copy !req
1355. You are so much more
than just short and fat.
Copy !req
1356. See? You're Brian with the Great Smile.
Copy !req
1357. Thanks.
Copy !req
1358. Ow!
Copy !req
1359. Greg!
Copy !req
1360. Sorry!
Copy !req
1361. Keep the noise down.
Copy !req
1362. Fat, ginger...
Copy !req
1363. Shut up!
Copy !req
1364. You haven't lost yet, man.
Copy !req
1365. Ah!
Copy !req
1366. Loser.
Copy !req
1367. We are here today,
sitting in this building,
Copy !req
1368. to share in the wedding
of Brad and Anna,
Copy !req
1369. two attractive young people
Copy !req
1370. who have come to the conclusion
that this wedding will be mutually beneficial,
Copy !req
1371. that their genetic match-up will be
most likely to produce favourable offspring
Copy !req
1372. and a lifetime of financial stability
and physical security.
Copy !req
1373. Brad, do you agree to stay with Anna
for as long as you want to
Copy !req
1374. and to protect your offspring
for as long as you can?
Copy !req
1375. I do.
Copy !req
1376. And Anna, do you agree to stay with Brad
for as long as you want to
Copy !req
1377. and to protect your offspring
for as long as you can?
Copy !req
1378. I do.
Copy !req
1379. Before I pronounce these two man and wife,
is there anyone here in this building
Copy !req
1380. who believes they offer
a better genetic match-up to either party?
Copy !req
1381. Me.
Copy !req
1382. Oh, come on, Mark.
Copy !req
1383. I mean, look at you.
How can you possibly be better than me?
Copy !req
1384. Because she's happy with me.
Copy !req
1385. If she were happy with you,
what is she doing standing up here with me?
Copy !req
1386. She thinks her kids deserve
the best possible start in life.
Copy !req
1387. And she's right.
Copy !req
1388. Yeah. And do you know
what that makes you?
Copy !req
1389. You're a sperm donor.
Copy !req
1390. She's my best friend.
Copy !req
1391. I thought I was your best friend.
Copy !req
1392. Not now. Let's...
Copy !req
1393. And I love her.
Copy !req
1394. Don't do this.
Copy !req
1395. Don't do it.
Copy !req
1396. Is this what you really want?
Copy !req
1397. It's the way of the world, Mark.
Copy !req
1398. Why? Why does it have to be?
Copy !req
1399. Who says your kids will be better than mine?
Copy !req
1400. Who says that a strong jawline or
a fast metabolism or a muscular physique...
Copy !req
1401. He's also taller.
Copy !req
1402. No, I know, but I'm just...
Copy !req
1403. Please, man, I...
Copy !req
1404. Who says those traits will make your kids
better than mine, or happier?
Copy !req
1405. I'll love our children.
Copy !req
1406. And who says you'll make a better husband
Copy !req
1407. just because you come from
a more privileged family
Copy !req
1408. or a better genetic line?
Copy !req
1409. She's a prize on your arm.
And your kids will be, too.
Copy !req
1410. Anna.
Copy !req
1411. If you tell me this is what you really want,
I'll go.
Copy !req
1412. Is this what you really want?
Copy !req
1413. Well, now, it's not up to us
to decide what we get in life.
Copy !req
1414. - That's up to the man in the sky.
- I'm talking to her.
Copy !req
1415. Why don't you just ask the man in the sky
what he wants for Anna?
Copy !req
1416. - Surely he knows best.
- She knows what's best.
Copy !req
1417. Just tell her
what the man in the sky wants, Mark.
Copy !req
1418. Why don't you tell me
what the man in the sky wants for us, Mark?
Copy !req
1419. Just please tell me.
Copy !req
1420. No.
Copy !req
1421. Are we married yet?
Copy !req
1422. - Because I have plans later.
- There's a few...
Copy !req
1423. Mark, wait!
Copy !req
1424. Why don't you just tell me
what the man in the sky wants?
Copy !req
1425. - I did a bad thing.
- It's okay.
Copy !req
1426. - You're allowed three.
- No, you don't understand.
Copy !req
1427. There is no man in the sky.
Copy !req
1428. Why did you say there was?
Copy !req
1429. I couldn't stand the look on my mum's face
when she was dying.
Copy !req
1430. And things just escalated.
Copy !req
1431. But how did you say something that wasn't?
Copy !req
1432. I don't know, I just did. I just can.
Copy !req
1433. But when I asked you if being rich
Copy !req
1434. and successful and famous
changed your genetics,
Copy !req
1435. why didn't you just say yes?
Copy !req
1436. 'Cause it wouldn't count.
Copy !req
1437. Mark.
Copy !req
1438. I know what I want.
Copy !req
1439. I want little fat kids with snub noses.
Copy !req
1440. I'm your man.
Copy !req
1441. So that's it. I got the girl.
Copy !req
1442. Anna and I are very happy together,
by the way.
Copy !req
1443. She still doesn't fully understand
how I said or did all those things.
Copy !req
1444. No one does.
I'm still the only person who can tell a lie.
Copy !req
1445. Actually, that's not entirely true.
Copy !req
1446. What do you think?
Copy !req
1447. That looks good.
Copy !req
1448. It tastes so good, Mommy.
Copy !req
1449. - Your best yet.
- I'm so glad you like it.
Copy !req
1450. Huh? Oh.
Copy !req
1451. I don't know where to start.
Copy !req
1452. Just start on the bread, maybe,
then work my way up there.
Copy !req
1453. You eat that. You liked it so much.
Why don't you eat some more?
Copy !req
1454. You eat that. You liked it so much.
Why don't you eat some more?
Copy !req