1. That's right.Copy !req
2. New York.Copy !req
3. It's 1958.Copy !req
4. Anyway, for a few more minutes it is.Copy !req
5. Come midnight, it's gonna be 1959.Copy !req
6. A whole other feeling. The new year.Copy !req
7. The future.Copy !req
8. Yeah, Old Daddy Earth fixing to start
one more trip around the sun.Copy !req
9. Everybody hoping this ride round
be a little more giddy...Copy !req
10. a little more gay.Copy !req
11. Yup, all over town,
champagne corks is a-popping.Copy !req
12. Over in the Waldorf, the big shots is
dancing to the strains of Guy Lombardo.Copy !req
13. In Times Square, the little folks is watching
and waiting for that big ball to drop.Copy !req
14. They're all trying to catch hold
of one moment of time...Copy !req
15. to be able to say,
"Right now! This is it! I got it!"Copy !req
16. Of course, by then it'll be past.Copy !req
17. But they're all happy,
everybody having a good time.Copy !req
18. Well, almost everybody.Copy !req
19. There's a few lost souls
floating around out there.Copy !req
20. Now, if you all ain't from the city...Copy !req
21. we got something here
called "the rat race."Copy !req
22. Got a way of chewing folks up
so that they don't want no celebrating...Copy !req
23. don't want no cheering up.Copy !req
24. Don't care nothing about no New Year's.Copy !req
25. Out of hope, out of rope, out of time.Copy !req
26. This here is Norville Barnes.Copy !req
27. That office he's stepping out of...Copy !req
28. is the oddice of the president
of Hudsucker Industries.Copy !req
29. That's his office.Copy !req
30. How'd he get so high?Copy !req
31. And why's he feeling so low?Copy !req
32. Is he really going to do it?Copy !req
33. Is Norville really gonna
jelly up the sidewalk?Copy !req
34. Well, the future, that's something
you can never tell about.Copy !req
35. But the past...Copy !req
36. that's another story.Copy !req
37. In the third quarter
we saw no signs of weakening.Copy !req
38. We're up 18 percent over last year's
third-quarter gross...Copy !req
39. and that, needless to say,
is a new record.Copy !req
40. Our competition continues to flag
and we continue to take up the slack.Copy !req
41. Market shares in most divisions
is increasing...Copy !req
42. and we have opened
seven new regional offices.Copy !req
43. Our international division...Copy !req
44. is also showing vigorous signs of upward
movement for the last six months...Copy !req
45. and we're looking
at some exciting things in R&D.Copy !req
46. Sub-franchising.
Don't talk to me about sub-franchising.Copy !req
47. We're making so much money
in sub-franchising...Copy !req
48. it isn't even funny.Copy !req
49. Our nominees and assigns
continue to multiply and expand...Copy !req
50. extending our influence nationally
and abroad.Copy !req
51. Our owned
and operateds are performing...Copy !req
52. far beyond our expectations
both here and abroad.Copy !req
53. And the Federal Tax Act of 1958...Copy !req
54. is giving us a swell write-off
on our plant and heavies.Copy !req
55. And our last debenture issue
was this year's fastest seller.Copy !req
56. So third quarter and year-to-date...Copy !req
57. we have set a new record in sales,
a new record in gross...Copy !req
58. a new record in pre-tax earnings...Copy !req
59. a new record in after-tax profits...Copy !req
60. and our stock has split twice
in the past year.Copy !req
61. In short...Copy !req
62. we're loaded.Copy !req
63. Mr. Hudsucker?Copy !req
64. It's a pity to waste a whole Montecristo.Copy !req
65. He could've opened the window.Copy !req
66. Waring Hudsucker never did anything
the easy way.Copy !req
67. Why? Why did he do it?
Everything was going so well.Copy !req
68. What, am I a headshrinker?
Maybe the man was unhappy.Copy !req
69. He didn't look unhappy.Copy !req
70. - He didn't look rich.
- He was never an easy man to figure out.Copy !req
71. He built this company
with his bare hands.Copy !req
72. Every step he took was a step up...Copy !req
73. except, of course, this last one.Copy !req
74. Sure, sure he was a swell fella...Copy !req
75. but when the president,
chairman of the board...Copy !req
76. and owner of 87 percent
of the company stock drops...Copy !req
77. - 44 floors...
- Forty-five.Copy !req
78. Counting the mezzanine.Copy !req
79. Then the company, too,
has a problem. Stillson!Copy !req
80. What exactly is the disposition
of Waring's stock?Copy !req
81. Well, as you know...Copy !req
82. Hud left no will and no family.Copy !req
83. The company bylaws
are quite clear in that event.Copy !req
84. "His entire portfolio will be converted
into common stock..."Copy !req
85. and will be sold over the counter
as of the first of the fiscal year...Copy !req
86. - "following his demise."
- Meaning?Copy !req
87. Meaning simply that Waring's stock
and control of the company...Copy !req
88. will be made available
to the public January 1st.Copy !req
89. Do you mean to say...Copy !req
90. that any slob in a smelly T-shirt
will be able to buy Hudsucker stock?Copy !req
91. The company bylaws are quite clear.Copy !req
92. My God! You're animals!Copy !req
93. How can you discuss his stock
when the man has just leapt 45 floors?Copy !req
94. - Forty four.
- Not counting the mezzanine.Copy !req
95. Quit showboating, Addison.
The man is gone.Copy !req
96. The question now is whether
we'll let John Q. Public waltz in here...Copy !req
97. - and buy our company.
- What are you suggesting, Sydney?Copy !req
98. Certainly we can't afford
to buy a controlling interest.Copy !req
99. Not while the stock is this strong.Copy !req
100. How soon before Hud's paper
hits the market?Copy !req
101. - January 1st.
- Thirty days.Copy !req
102. - Four weeks.
- A month at the most.Copy !req
103. One month to make the blue-chip
investment of the century...Copy !req
104. look like a round-trip ticket
on the Titanic.Copy !req
105. We play up the fact that Hud is dead.Copy !req
106. Long live the Hud!Copy !req
107. - We depress the stock.
- To the point where we can buy 50 percent.Copy !req
108. - Fifty one.
- Not counting the mezzanine.Copy !req
109. - It could work.
- It should work.Copy !req
110. - It would work.
- It's working already.Copy !req
111. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art
on Madison Avenue.Copy !req
112. What we need now is a new president
who will inspire panic in the stockholder.Copy !req
113. - A puppet.
- A proxy.Copy !req
114. A pawn.Copy !req
115. Sure, sure, some jerk...Copy !req
116. we can really push around.Copy !req
117. You punch in at 8:30 every morning,
at 7:30 following a business holiday...Copy !req
118. unless it's a Monday,
then you punch in 8:00.Copy !req
119. - Punch in late and they dock you.
- This goes to seven! Urgent.Copy !req
120. Incoming articles get a voucher.
Outgoing articles provide a voucher.Copy !req
121. Move any article without a voucher
and they dock you!Copy !req
122. Take this up to the secretarial pool
on three! ASAP!Copy !req
123. Letter-size, a green voucher!
Folder-size, a yellow voucher!Copy !req
124. - Parcel-size, a maroon voucher!
- This is for Morgatross! Chop-chop!Copy !req
125. Wrong color voucher and they dock you!Copy !req
126. 6-7-8-7-0-4-9-Alpha-6!Copy !req
127. That is your employee number!
It will not be repeated!Copy !req
128. Without your employee number
you cannot get your paycheck.Copy !req
129. All right, this goes up to 27!Copy !req
130. Return a waiver!
Do not return without a signed waiver!Copy !req
131. Inter-office mail is code 37!
Intra-office mail is 37-3.Copy !req
132. Outside mail is 3-37.Copy !req
133. Code it wrong and they dock you!Copy !req
134. I was supposed to have this
on 2810 minutes ago!Copy !req
135. This has been your orientation.Copy !req
136. Is there anything you do not understand
or understand partially?Copy !req
137. If you have not been fully orientated,
you must file a complaint with Personnel!Copy !req
138. File a faulty complaint
and they dock you!Copy !req
139. Kloppitt. Kloppitt, Kloppitt...Copy !req
140. Max Kloppitt.Copy !req
141. "Max Kloppitt, Jr."Copy !req
142. What do you do when the envelope
is too big for the slot?Copy !req
143. Well, if you fold them, they fire you.Copy !req
144. I usually throw them out.Copy !req
145. Just got hired today.Copy !req
146. - Terrific.
- You know, entry level.Copy !req
147. Tell me about it.Copy !req
148. But I got big ideas.Copy !req
149. I'm sure you do.Copy !req
150. For instance,
take a look at this sweet baby.Copy !req
151. I developed it myself.Copy !req
152. Yes, sirree, this is my ticket upstairs.Copy !req
153. You know, for kids.Copy !req
154. Terrific.Copy !req
155. So you see, I won't be working
in the mail room long.Copy !req
156. No, I don't guess you will be.Copy !req
157. - How long you been here?
- Forty-eight years.Copy !req
158. Next year they move me up to parcels
if I'm lucky.Copy !req
159. Attention Hudsucker employees!Copy !req
160. Attention Hudsucker employees!Copy !req
161. We regretfully announce that at 30
seconds after the hour of noon...Copy !req
162. Hudsucker time...Copy !req
163. Waring Hudsucker,
founder, president...Copy !req
164. and chairman of the
board of Hudsucker Industries...Copy !req
165. merged with the infinite.Copy !req
166. To mark this occasion of corporate loss...Copy !req
167. we ask that all employees observe
a moment of silent contemplation.Copy !req
168. Thank you for your kind attention.Copy !req
169. This moment has been duly noted
on your timecards...Copy !req
170. and will be deducted from your pay.
That is all.Copy !req
171. - Blue letter!
- Blue letter!Copy !req
172. They're bringing down a blue letter!Copy !req
173. It's a blue letter.Copy !req
174. Top, top level.Copy !req
175. Confidential communication
between the brass.Copy !req
176. Usually bad news.Copy !req
177. They hate blue letters upstairs.Copy !req
178. - Hate them.
- You!Copy !req
179. Yeah, you! Barnes!
You don't look busy!Copy !req
180. Think you can handle a blue letter?Copy !req
181. This letter was sent this morning
by the big man himself...Copy !req
182. that's right, Waring Hudsucker!Copy !req
183. It's addressed to Sid Mussburger,
Hudsucker's right-hand man!Copy !req
184. It's a blue letter!Copy !req
185. That means you got to put it
right in Mussburger's hands.Copy !req
186. No secretaries! No receptionists!Copy !req
187. No colleagues! No excuses!Copy !req
188. Mussburger!Copy !req
189. Hi, my name's Buzz, I got the fuzz,
I make the elevator do what she does.Copy !req
190. Hang it up to dry.
What's your pleasure, buddy?Copy !req
191. - Forty-four.
- Forty-four, the top-brass floor.Copy !req
192. Say, buddy, what takes
50 years to get to the top floor...Copy !req
193. and 30 seconds to get down?Copy !req
194. Waring Hudsucker! You get it, buddy?Copy !req
195. Say, buddy! Mr. Kline, up to nine.
Mrs. Dell, Personnel.Copy !req
196. - Mr. Levin, 37.
- Thirty-six.Copy !req
197. Walk down! Ladies and gentlemen,
please step to the rear.Copy !req
198. - Here comes the gargantuan Mr. Grier.
- Buzz.Copy !req
199. Say, buddy, who's the most liquid
businessman on the street?Copy !req
200. Waring Hudsucker. Say, buddy.Copy !req
201. When is the sidewalk fully dressed?
When it's wearing Hudsucker!Copy !req
202. You get it, buddy?
It's a pun, it's a knee-slapper...Copy !req
203. it's a play on... Jesus, Joseph
and Mary, is that a blue letter?Copy !req
204. Why didn't you tell a guy? Hold on, folks,
we're express to the top floor!Copy !req
205. Good luck, buddy.Copy !req
206. You're gonna need it..Copy !req
207. Mr. Mussburger's office?Copy !req
208. Hello.Copy !req
209. - Do you have an appointment?
- No.Copy !req
210. - Shall we look in the book?
- Ma'am, we shall...Copy !req
211. - We don't seem to be in the book.
- I wouldn't be.Copy !req
212. If we had an appointment,
we'd be in the book.Copy !req
213. I have this...Copy !req
214. Here it is.Copy !req
215. Gambotz?Copy !req
216. Harry Gambotz?Copy !req
217. No, too risky.
He's green but he's not slow.Copy !req
218. Who is he?Copy !req
219. No, I want an imbecile, not a cipher
or you'd have the job.Copy !req
220. They moved him to grommets
and O-rings.Copy !req
221. He's doing pretty well.Copy !req
222. No, no, not, McClanahan.Copy !req
223. He bungled the Teleyard merger,
thinks he's got something to prove.Copy !req
224. Who let you in?Copy !req
225. Atwater? Tremendous.
Except I just fired him last week.Copy !req
226. Mr. Mussburger...Copy !req
227. Mr. Bumstead's waiting downstairs.Copy !req
228. - I'll be right there.
- Yes, Mr. Mussburger.Copy !req
229. Spit it out!Copy !req
230. - I...
- Yeah?Copy !req
231. Well, maybe you're
the company's biggest moron.Copy !req
232. We can't use Morris. Been here too long.
He's a nice guy with too many friends.Copy !req
233. In fact, why don't you fire him?
Scratch that, I'll fire him.Copy !req
234. Make it fast, fast!Copy !req
235. Mr. Bumstead is growing restless.Copy !req
236. Tell him I'll be right there.
Give him a magazine.Copy !req
237. What, are you a mute?Copy !req
238. How's the stock doing? Bad?Copy !req
239. Well, it's not bad enough.
Listen, chump.Copy !req
240. Either you find me a ding-dong or tender
your key to the executive washroom.Copy !req
241. That goes double for you, pal.
Ear-clay? Ood-gay!Copy !req
242. This better be good. I'm in a bad mood.Copy !req
243. Sir, I've got something for you
from the mail room, but first...Copy !req
244. if I could take a minute of your very
valuable time to show you something...Copy !req
245. I've been working on
for the past two or three years.Copy !req
246. You know, for kids.Copy !req
247. It's perfect for Hudsucker,
not that I'm any great genius.Copy !req
248. They say inspiration
is 99 percent perspiration...Copy !req
249. in my case
it's at least twice that...Copy !req
250. - but I've got to tell you, this sweet...
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
251. Sit down, son.Copy !req
252. Go ahead.Copy !req
253. Try it on.Copy !req
254. Put your feet up.Copy !req
255. Go ahead.Copy !req
256. Let's get to know one another, shall we?Copy !req
257. Let's chat.Copy !req
258. Man-to-man.Copy !req
259. Now then,
you're from the basement, aren't you?Copy !req
260. And weren't blessed with much...Copy !req
261. education?Copy !req
262. Well, I am a college graduate.Copy !req
263. But you did not excel in your studies.Copy !req
264. Well, I... I made Dean's List.Copy !req
265. At the Muncie College
of Business Administration.Copy !req
266. And your friends, they called you "jerk,"
didn't they?Copy !req
267. - "Dope?"Dipstick?"
- No.Copy !req
268. "Lamebrain?"Schmo?"
Not even behind your back?Copy !req
269. Well, as a matter they voted me
"Most Likely to Succeed."Copy !req
270. You're fired.Copy !req
271. Get your feet off my desk,
get out of my office.Copy !req
272. Leave your apron in the locker room.Copy !req
273. Oh, my God!Copy !req
274. The Bumstead contract. I've been
working on that deal for four years!Copy !req
275. Get out of here!
I'll take care of it! Get out.Copy !req
276. You could have destroyed
the most sensitive document of my career.Copy !req
277. Mr. Bumstead
is threatening to leave the building.Copy !req
278. I'm on my way down.Copy !req
279. We need the first page
of the contract retyped.Copy !req
280. Yes, Mr. Mussburger.Copy !req
281. Yeah? Yeah.Copy !req
282. Out! Out of the office!Copy !req
283. Down three points?Copy !req
284. That's encouraging.
How about New York?Copy !req
285. Not that way, through the door!Copy !req
286. Sir, it'll take three hours
to retype the Bumstead contract...Copy !req
287. Where are you going?
Get out of here! Stop that!Copy !req
288. Mr. Bumstead's threatening to leave.Copy !req
289. Not the whole contract,
just the first page.Copy !req
290. I'll be there.
Give him another magazine.Copy !req
291. - He says he'll leave.
- I said I'll be there!Copy !req
292. And you're wife's been trying to reach you.Copy !req
293. Up on your feet! We don't crawl
here at Hudsucker Industries!Copy !req
294. - My leg is on fire!
- No assumptions!Copy !req
295. It's early yet. Just let me know
where we stand at the closing bell.Copy !req
296. Oh, my God, the Bumstead contract!Copy !req
297. No magazines! No coffee!Copy !req
298. Mussburger! I wanna see Mussburger!
Or did he jump out a window too?Copy !req
299. Don't worry, Mr. Mussburger, I got you!
I got you by your pants.Copy !req
300. Pants?Copy !req
301. Mr. Mussburger, I'm gonna
give your pants a nice double stitch.Copy !req
302. It'll make them real strong
and you're gonna look real sharp.Copy !req
303. - No, single stitch is fine.
- But the double stitch, she lasts forever.Copy !req
304. Why on earth would I want
a double stitch?Copy !req
305. To pad your account.Copy !req
306. Single stitch is fine.Copy !req
307. Damn!Copy !req
308. Oh, what the heck!
Mr. Mussburger is such a nice man...Copy !req
309. I'm gonna give him
a double stitch anyway.Copy !req
310. That's some strong stitch, you bet!Copy !req
311. "The Einstein of Enterprise."Copy !req
312. "The Edison of Industry."Copy !req
313. "The Billion-Dollar Cranium!"Copy !req
314. "Idea Man!"Copy !req
315. And not one of you has given me
a story on him!Copy !req
316. Bunch of lamebrains!Copy !req
317. Facts, figures, charts.
They never sold a newspaper!Copy !req
318. I read this morning's Argus,
let me tell you something.Copy !req
319. I'd wrap a fish in it!
I'd use it as kindling!Copy !req
320. I'd train my poodle on it
if he wasn't a French poodle...Copy !req
321. and partial to pages of Paris-Soir.Copy !req
322. But I wouldn't shell out a hard-earned
nickel to read the thing!Copy !req
323. Come on, chief, give us a break.Copy !req
324. Sure, Tibbs. Take a break.Copy !req
325. Go to Florida. Lie in the sun.Copy !req
326. Wait for a coconut to drop.
File a story on it.Copy !req
327. It'd be more of a grabber than your piece
on the county grain surplus!Copy !req
328. The human angle!
That's what sells papers!Copy !req
329. We need a front page with a heart
and the Idea Man can put it there!Copy !req
330. Look, chief, if we had more access...Copy !req
331. If a frog had wings
it wouldn't bump it's ass a-hopping.Copy !req
332. I don't want excuses, I want results!Copy !req
333. What makes the Idea Man tick?
Where's he from?Copy !req
334. I want to know everything about him!
Has he got a girl? Has he got parents?Copy !req
335. Everybody has parents.Copy !req
336. All right, how many?Copy !req
337. How about it, Parkinson?
You've been awful quiet over there.Copy !req
338. Still waters run deep.Copy !req
339. Only thing deep with Parkinson
are the holes in his ears.Copy !req
340. Yes, Idea Man.Copy !req
341. What are his hopes and dreams,
his desires and aspirations?Copy !req
342. Does he think all the time
or a certain portion of the day?Copy !req
343. How tall is he? Shoe size?
Where does he sleep?Copy !req
344. What does he have for breakfast?Copy !req
345. Does he put jam on his toast
or doesn't he?Copy !req
346. If not, why not and since when?Copy !req
347. Well?Copy !req
348. You're useless.Copy !req
349. Yes. Idea Man. "Creator."Copy !req
350. "Innovator."Cerebrator."Copy !req
351. Fake!Copy !req
352. I tell you, the guy's a phony.Copy !req
353. - Phony?
- As a three-dollar bill.Copy !req
354. - Says who?
- Says me, Amy Archer!Copy !req
355. Why is he an Idea Man?
Because Hudsucker says he is?Copy !req
356. What are his ideas?
Why can't anyone interview him?Copy !req
357. Five bucks says
she mentions her Pulitzer.Copy !req
358. Again? You're on.Copy !req
359. Just take a look at the mug on this guy.Copy !req
360. The jutting eyebrows, the simian forehead,
the idiotic grin.Copy !req
361. He has a face only a mother could love
on payday.Copy !req
362. The only story here is how
this guy made a monkey out of you, Al.Copy !req
363. Yeah, monkey or not,
I'm still editor of this rag.Copy !req
364. You were doing the piece on the FBI.
"When Will He Marry?"Copy !req
365. - I filed it yesterday. Nice tie, Earl.
- Well, do a follow-up.Copy !req
366. "Crime Buster or Pantywaist?"Copy !req
367. The rest of you mugs get off your brains
and get me that Idea Man story!Copy !req
368. Al, he's the bunk.Copy !req
369. I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!Copy !req
370. Say, buddy,
where'd you get the new duds?Copy !req
371. Say, buddy, how did old bucket butt
like his blue letter?Copy !req
372. Did he bust a gut? Did he die?
Well, hello, Mr. Mussburger.Copy !req
373. - Lobby, we haven't got all day.
- Right away, Mr. Mussburger.Copy !req
374. How are you this fine morning, sir?Copy !req
375. It's been a pleasure serving you today,
sir.Copy !req
376. It's been a pleasure serving you too,
buddy.Copy !req
377. Sid, shouldn't we be
a little concerned...Copy !req
378. with the downward spiral of our stock
these past few days?Copy !req
379. You're the expert,
but at the Muncie College...Copy !req
380. Relax, it's only natural...Copy !req
381. in a period of transition for the more
timid element to run for cover.Copy !req
382. Like I said, you're the expert...Copy !req
383. but do you remember the plan
I outlined for you...Copy !req
384. the day I set fire to your office?
The day I was promoted?Copy !req
385. I do remember and I was impressed.
But that's all forgotten now.Copy !req
386. Thank you, Sid.Copy !req
387. The reason I mention it is it requires
such a small capital investment...Copy !req
388. Again, you are the expert here.Copy !req
389. But there's such an enormous
potential profit...Copy !req
390. given the discretionary income
of the burgeoning middle-class.Copy !req
391. So if you agree, I'd like to bounce
the idea off a few people at lunch.Copy !req
392. Sure, sure.Copy !req
393. Tell whoever you want. I'd like to
hear about it at some point too.Copy !req
394. - I got gas, Benny.
- Yeah. Tell me about it.Copy !req
395. No kidding, Benny. I got gas.Copy !req
396. - You get the special?
- Far from it.Copy !req
397. Enter the dame.Copy !req
398. There's one in every story.Copy !req
399. Ten bucks says
she's looking for a handout.Copy !req
400. Twenty bucks says not here,
she don't find one.Copy !req
401. - She's looking for her mark.
- She finds him.Copy !req
402. She sits down
and orders a light lunch.Copy !req
403. How will she pay for this lunch?Copy !req
404. - She looks through her purse.
- No money.Copy !req
405. The mark notices.Copy !req
406. - He's not noticing, Benny.
- Maybe he's wise.Copy !req
407. He don't look wise.Copy !req
408. Plan two.Copy !req
409. Here come the waterworks.Copy !req
410. - Yellowstone.
- Old Faithful.Copy !req
411. Hello, Niagara.Copy !req
412. - He notices.
- She's distressed.Copy !req
413. He's concerned.Copy !req
414. She explains her predicament.Copy !req
415. And enter the light lunch.Copy !req
416. - She's got other problems.
- There's illness in the family.Copy !req
417. - Her mother needs an operation.
- Urgently.Copy !req
418. - Adenoids.
- No, Benny.Copy !req
419. Lumbago.Copy !req
420. That gag's got whiskers on it.Copy !req
421. He ain't biting, Benny.Copy !req
422. - She's losing him, Lou.
- Maybe he's wise.Copy !req
423. He don't look wise.Copy !req
424. - How does she pull this out?
- He's getting away.Copy !req
425. - She better think fast.
- She isn't.Copy !req
426. She is!Copy !req
427. She's good, Benny.Copy !req
428. She's damn good, Lou.Copy !req
429. Can I get you boys anything else?Copy !req
430. Bromo.Copy !req
431. I'm sorry we had to take the stairs.
It was just that horrible elevator boy.Copy !req
432. I can't say how much I appreciate
your listening to my story.Copy !req
433. I'm lucky to find someone in this bustling
city with a stout heart and a ready ear.Copy !req
434. At any rate, there I was traveling
this great country.Copy !req
435. Some I met were kind to me,
others exceedingly cruel.Copy !req
436. Traveling by motor bus, rail,
even by thumb.Copy !req
437. The couch, please.Copy !req
438. Hoarding every dollar, counting
every nickel, pinching every penny.Copy !req
439. It's been a long road leading
to the coddee shop downstairs.Copy !req
440. Not that I'd trade a day, an hour,
a moment of it for anything.Copy !req
441. I don't know what came over me.Copy !req
442. It was the shock of eating
after so long...Copy !req
443. without the enzymes kicking in
after so long...Copy !req
444. Then you couldn't possibly know
what it is to be tired and hungry.Copy !req
445. - Hungry, anyway.
- I don't wanna bore you...Copy !req
446. with all details of my life.
Not a happy story.Copy !req
447. I'm jobless
but not for want of trying.Copy !req
448. I'm friendless, with no one to take care
of me and had you not come along...Copy !req
449. - ... exactly when you did...
- I, myself...Copy !req
450. At any rate, I arrived in town
not 10 days ago...Copy !req
451. full of dreams and aspirations,
anxious to make my way in the world...Copy !req
452. a little naive perhaps...Copy !req
453. but armed with determination,
work ethic...Copy !req
454. and a belief in the future...Copy !req
455. - I, myself...
- Only to have that belief...Copy !req
456. that unsullied optimism, dashed against
the marble of the workplace.Copy !req
457. Such is life. Seek and you shall
find. Work and you shall prosper.Copy !req
458. - Cigarette?
- No, thank you.Copy !req
459. Seek and you shall find,
work and you shall prosper.Copy !req
460. These were the watchwords
of my education...Copy !req
461. the values instilled in me...Copy !req
462. while I was growing up in a little town
you've never heard of.Copy !req
463. - Mind if I join you?
- Be my guest.Copy !req
464. A little town you've probably
never heard of...Copy !req
465. a dusty crossroads of which
you've probably never heard.Copy !req
466. Excuse me. Executive washroom.Copy !req
467. Are you all right?Copy !req
468. Is it your lunch?
The chicken à la king?Copy !req
469. - Is the à la king repeating on you?
- No, I'm fine. You were saying?Copy !req
470. Values, watchwords, tender years.Copy !req
471. A town you've probably never heard of.Copy !req
472. Muncie, Indiana.Copy !req
473. - You're from Muncie?
- Why, yes. Do you know it?Copy !req
474. Fight on.Copy !req
475. Fight on Dear old Muncie.Copy !req
476. Fight on.Copy !req
477. Hoist the gold and blue.Copy !req
478. You'll be tattered
Torn and hurting.Copy !req
479. Once the Muncie's done with.Copy !req
480. You.Copy !req
481. - Go, Eagles!
- Go, Eagles!Copy !req
482. A Muncie girl!Copy !req
483. What do you know about that?Copy !req
484. I'll tell you what, Amy.Copy !req
485. I'm gonna cancel the rest
of my appointments...Copy !req
486. and get you a job here at Hud.Copy !req
487. Oh, no! Really...Copy !req
488. Don't bother to thank me. It's easy.
I know where a vacancy just came up.Copy !req
489. - Mailroom. This will only take a moment.
- Yeah.Copy !req
490. Good afternoon, this is Norville Barnes.Copy !req
491. Barnes! Where the hell have you been?Copy !req
492. Where's my voucher?Copy !req
493. - I'm not sure.
- I need that voucher!Copy !req
494. I told you a week ago it was important!Copy !req
495. I'm president of the company now.Copy !req
496. I don't care
if you're president of the company!Copy !req
497. I need the voucher now!Copy !req
498. Look, why don't you work in here
with me?Copy !req
499. Are you familiar
with the mimeograph machine?Copy !req
500. Well, of course. I went to the
Muncie Secretarial Polytechnic.Copy !req
501. A Muncie girl! Can you beat that?Copy !req
502. I just don't know
how to thank you, Mr. Barnes.Copy !req
503. Please, Norville.Copy !req
504. - Go, Eagles!
- Go, Eagles!Copy !req
505. "Once the Munce..." Holy moly!Copy !req
506. Is this guy from Chumpsville?
I even pulled the old mother routine.Copy !req
507. - Adenoids?
- Lumbago.Copy !req
508. That gag's got whiskers on it.Copy !req
509. I tell you,
the Hudsucker board's up to something.Copy !req
510. What's a six-letter word
for an affliction of the hypothalamus?Copy !req
511. - And it's a cinch... Goiter.
- This guy isn't in on it.Copy !req
512. - She's right here.
- How much time to make the late final?Copy !req
513. - Chief.
- Hiya, chief.Copy !req
514. Just the person I wanted to apologize to.Copy !req
515. - About seven minutes.
- Yeah, I was all wet about your Idea Man.Copy !req
516. Well, thanks for being so generous.
It is human and you are divine.Copy !req
517. No, he's no faker.Copy !req
518. He's 100 percent real McCoy,
beware of imitations, genuine article.Copy !req
519. The guy's a real moron,
as in a five-letter word for imbecile.Copy !req
520. Oh, as pure a specimen
as I've ever run across. Okay.Copy !req
521. If working at the Argus
doesn't make me an expert...Copy !req
522. then my name isn't Amy Archer
and I never won the Pulitzer Prize.Copy !req
523. In 1957.Copy !req
524. My, oh, my series
on the reunited triplets.Copy !req
525. Well, come down here, hammerhead,
and I'll show it to you!Copy !req
526. What's a three-letter word
for a flightless bird?Copy !req
527. Not now, I'm busy.Copy !req
528. Right, I said, "hammerhead,"
as in a 10-letter word for a smug...Copy !req
529. bullying newspaper man.Copy !req
530. Gnu. Who couldn't find... That's G-N-U.Copy !req
531. Couldn't find the Empire State Building
with a compass, map and a guide.Copy !req
532. Or is it Emu? That's just potatoes.
Here comes the gravy.Copy !req
533. The chump really likes me.Copy !req
534. - A Muncie girl!
- Better off falling for a rattlesnake.Copy !req
535. This guy's just a patsy
and I'm gonna find out what for.Copy !req
536. There's a real story here,
some kind of plot.Copy !req
537. A set-up.
Oh, and say, did I tell you?Copy !req
538. - He didn't odder you money?
- A sawbuck!Copy !req
539. Ten smackers! Let's grab a highball!Copy !req
540. - On Norville Barnes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
541. Copy!Copy !req
542. Ms. Smith, would you come in
and take a letter?Copy !req
543. Of all the cockamamy...Copy !req
544. Did you see the front page
of today's Manhattan Argus?Copy !req
545. Well, I didn't bother to read the article.
I didn't think the picture did you justice.Copy !req
546. Well, the picture's fine.Copy !req
547. It's what that knuckle-headed
dame wrote underneath.Copy !req
548. Of all the irresponsible...
Take this down.Copy !req
549. Dear, Ms. Archer.Copy !req
550. I call you "Miss" because you seem
to have missed the boat completely.Copy !req
551. How would you know if I'm an imbecile?Copy !req
552. You didn't have the guts to come
interview me man-to-man!Copy !req
553. Change "man-to-man"
to "face-to-face."Copy !req
554. Change "face-to-face" to "eye-to-eye"
and "guts" to "common decency."Copy !req
555. These wild speculations
about my intelligence...Copy !req
556. these preposterous inventions
would be suited...Copy !req
557. to the pages of
Amazing Tales Magazine.Copy !req
558. If the editors of the Manhattan Argus
see fit...Copy !req
559. to publish the rantings
of a disordered mind...Copy !req
560. perhaps they will see fit
to publish this letter.Copy !req
561. But I most seriously doubt it.Copy !req
562. As I doubt also that you could find a home
at Amazing Tales...Copy !req
563. a periodical which I have enjoyed
for many years.Copy !req
564. Sincerely, et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera.Copy !req
565. Is that all, Mr. Barnes?Copy !req
566. You know me, Amy, better than this dame.
Do you think I'm an imbecile?Copy !req
567. Oh, well, I'm sure I...Copy !req
568. Tell the truth. I trust you.
I place a lot of stock in your opinion.Copy !req
569. - Well...
- Sure, you're biased.Copy !req
570. You're a fellow Muncian.Copy !req
571. But let me ask you a question:
Would an imbecile come up with this?Copy !req
572. I designed it myself.Copy !req
573. This sweet baby will put
Hudsucker right back on top.Copy !req
574. You know, for kids.Copy !req
575. Why don't I just type this up?Copy !req
576. Oh, no, Amy, that won't be necessary.
I shouldn't send it.Copy !req
577. She's just doing her job, I guess.Copy !req
578. I don't know, maybe she does deserve it.Copy !req
579. Maybe she should have come in here
and faced you man-to-man.Copy !req
580. She had a deadline.Copy !req
581. Sure, but she still could've gotten
your side, for the record.Copy !req
582. Well, it's done now. What's the use
of grousing about it?Copy !req
583. Forget the letter, Amy,
I just had to blow off some steam.Copy !req
584. She's probably just a little confused.Copy !req
585. - Confused?
- She's probably a fast-talking career gal...Copy !req
586. thinks she's one of the boys.
If you know what I mean.Copy !req
587. Oh, I'm quite sure
I don't know what you mean.Copy !req
588. Suffers from one of these complexes
they have nowadays.Copy !req
589. Seems pretty obvious.Copy !req
590. She's probably very unattractive
and bitter about it.Copy !req
591. - Oh, is that it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
592. She probably dresses in men's clothing...Copy !req
593. drinks with the guys
at the watering hole...Copy !req
594. hobnobs with some smooth-talking
heel named Bidd...Copy !req
595. - or Smoocher or...
- Smitty.Copy !req
596. Exactly. I bet she's ugly, real ugly.Copy !req
597. Otherwise, why isn't her picture
next to her byline?Copy !req
598. Oh, maybe she puts her work
ahead of her personal appearance.Copy !req
599. I bet that's exactly
what she tells herself.Copy !req
600. But you and I both know
she's a dried-up, bitter old maid.Copy !req
601. Amy, how about we grab
a little dinner and a show after work?Copy !req
602. I was thinking maybe The King and I.Copy !req
603. How about Oklahoma!Copy !req
604. Norville, you don't know
a thing about that woman!Copy !req
605. You don't know who she really is.Copy !req
606. And only a numbskull thinks
he knows things...Copy !req
607. about things he
knows nothing about.Copy !req
608. Say, what gives?Copy !req
609. The inventory of the Jacksonville...Copy !req
610. facility should be reduced
by 15 percent.Copy !req
611. Memo from the desk
of Sidney J. Mussburger...Copy !req
612. What are you doing down there,
Ms. Archer?Copy !req
613. Who are you?
How did you know who I am?Copy !req
614. I suspect Old Moses knows
just about everything...Copy !req
615. leastways if it concerns Hudsucker.Copy !req
616. But who are you?
What do you do here?Copy !req
617. I keep the old circle turning.
This old clock needs plenty of care.Copy !req
618. Time is money, Ms. Archer.Copy !req
619. And money drives
that old global economy...Copy !req
620. and keeps Big Daddy Earth
spinning around.Copy !req
621. - See, without that capital formation...
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
622. Say, you won't tell anyone about me,
will you?Copy !req
623. I don't tell no one nothing
unless they ask.Copy !req
624. That just ain't Old Moses' way.Copy !req
625. So if you know
everything about Hudsucker...Copy !req
626. tell me why the board decided
to make Norville Barnes president?Copy !req
627. Well, that even surprised Old Moses
at first.Copy !req
628. - I didn't think the board was that smart.
- "That smart"?Copy !req
629. But then I figured it out.Copy !req
630. They did it because they figured
young Norville for an imbecile...Copy !req
631. like some other people I know.Copy !req
632. Now, why on earth would the board
want a nitwit to be president?Copy !req
633. Because they're little piglets.
They're trying to inspire panic...Copy !req
634. make that stock cheap so they can
snatch it all up for themselves.Copy !req
635. But Norville, he's got some tricks up
his sleeve. He does.Copy !req
636. You know, for kids.Copy !req
637. Yeah, he's a smart one, that Norville.Copy !req
638. But I guess you don't really know him
any better than that board does...Copy !req
639. do you, Ms. Archer?Copy !req
640. - Well, maybe I...
- And only some kind of knuckle-head...Copy !req
641. thinks she knows things
about things she...Copy !req
642. When she don't...Copy !req
643. - How'd that go?
- Well, it's hardly the same.Copy !req
644. Why, you don't even know
your own self.Copy !req
645. You ain't exactly the genuine article,
are you, Ms. Archer?Copy !req
646. Yes, well, in connection with my job...Copy !req
647. sometimes I have to go undercover,
as it were.Copy !req
648. I don't mean that.Copy !req
649. Why are you pretending to be
such a hard old sourpuss?Copy !req
650. Ain't gonna
never make you happy.Copy !req
651. I'm happy enough.Copy !req
652. Okay, Ms. Archer.Copy !req
653. I got gears to see to.Copy !req
654. I'm plenty happy!Copy !req
655. Hello?Copy !req
656. - I can't print that!
- Why not? It's all true.Copy !req
657. The board's using him to depress
the stock to buy it cheap.Copy !req
658. It's pure speculation!
They'd have my butt in a satchel!Copy !req
659. - Old satchel butt.
- I know they're gonna buy that stock.Copy !req
660. You don't.
They haven't bought it.Copy !req
661. The stock's cheap!
What are they waiting for?Copy !req
662. - I don't know.
- Amy's hunches are usually pretty good.Copy !req
663. You don't accuse somebody of stock
manipulation on a hunch.Copy !req
664. The readers aren't interested
in sensationalism...Copy !req
665. gossip, unsupported speculation!
Facts! Figures! Charts!Copy !req
666. Those are the tools
of the newspaper trade.Copy !req
667. It's as if you're trying to take the
heat off this Barnes numbskull.Copy !req
668. Oh, come on, chief. That's a low blow.Copy !req
669. Archer's not going to go gooey
for a corn-fed idiot.Copy !req
670. I was out of line. But you're out of line
with this stock-swindle story.Copy !req
671. Give me more of that
"moron from Sheboygan" studd.Copy !req
672. - Muncie.
- Whatever.Copy !req
673. That's what sells newspapers!Copy !req
674. I've got a harder story,
"The Sap From The City Desk!"Copy !req
675. - Watch it!
- It's about a dim-witted editor who...Copy !req
676. Easy, tough guy.Copy !req
677. Does this suit look mannish to you?Copy !req
678. Yeah, sure. Let's grab a highball.Copy !req
679. Back off!Copy !req
680. Smoocher!Copy !req
681. What gives?Copy !req
682. A man of great managerial potency.Copy !req
683. My husband is also a president.Copy !req
684. Sears Braithwaite of Bullard.
Do you know him?Copy !req
685. Your companion is an ode!Copy !req
686. A lyric! Are you betrothed?Copy !req
687. Amy works in my office.
She runs...Copy !req
688. - Oh, the folly of youth.
- Those green remembered hills.Copy !req
689. That bourn
from which no traveler returns.Copy !req
690. I once ran the mimeograph
for Sidney.Copy !req
691. Though engaged at the time
to quelqu'un d'autre...Copy !req
692. my water-cooler romance
became a mad passion.Copy !req
693. An amour fou. A folie à deux.Copy !req
694. I'm brushing up on my French
with the most charming man...Copy !req
695. Pierre of 5th Avenue.Copy !req
696. - Do you know him?
- Do you know him?Copy !req
697. Sidney and I are planning a trip
to Paris and points continental.Copy !req
698. Aren't we, dear?Copy !req
699. For sure. I would like to borrow Norville
for a while, if you don't mind, dear.Copy !req
700. Well, frankly, I...Copy !req
701. You have a very charming wife,
Mr... Sid.Copy !req
702. So they tell me.Copy !req
703. Norville, let me shepherd you
through some of the introductions here.Copy !req
704. Try not to talk too much.Copy !req
705. Some of our biggest stockholders are...Copy !req
706. Scratch that. Say whatever you like.Copy !req
707. Shake hands here
with Sears Braithwaite of Bullard.Copy !req
708. - Sir.
- Glad to know you, Barnes.Copy !req
709. And this is Zebulon Cardozo...Copy !req
710. one of Hudsucker's largest
and most loyal stockholders.Copy !req
711. What's this I hear
about you being an imbecile?Copy !req
712. What's ailing you, boy?Copy !req
713. Last week, my stock
was worth twice what it is now.Copy !req
714. I'm getting out of the whole
kit and caboodle of it, boy...Copy !req
715. unless I see a
vast improvement.Copy !req
716. What you've got here, son,
is a range war!Copy !req
717. You're gonna have to circle our wagons
or I'm gonna get out of your wagon train.Copy !req
718. No need for concern, sir.Copy !req
719. It's only natural in a period
of transition...Copy !req
720. for the more timid elements
to run.Copy !req
721. Yellow? I'll show you yellow, boy!Copy !req
722. Zebulon, you mind now and quit acting
like such an old grizzly.Copy !req
723. Step lively here, Norville.Copy !req
724. I'm sorry, Sid, I thought maybe
if I showed him the long view...Copy !req
725. And this is Thorstenson Finlandson...Copy !req
726. who heads a radical splinter group
of disgruntled investors.Copy !req
727. Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Finlandson.Copy !req
728. It might interest you to know I studied
Finnish in high school.Copy !req
729. Let see,
I hope I'm not too rusty.Copy !req
730. Ladies and gentlemen...Copy !req
731. distinguished members
of the Hudsucker board...Copy !req
732. I give you the Rajah of Romance,
the Ministereo of Moonlight...Copy !req
733. the incredible,
the unforgettable...Copy !req
734. Mr. Vic Tenetta!Copy !req
735. Rajah, I like that.Copy !req
736. Take one fresh and tender kiss.Copy !req
737. Add one stolen night of bliss.Copy !req
738. One girl one boy
Some grief some joy.Copy !req
739. Memories are made of this.Copy !req
740. Don't.Copy !req
741. Norville?Copy !req
742. What happened?Copy !req
743. Oh, nothing. Just the more timid investors
are no longer running for cover.Copy !req
744. - Let me look.
- Sid found me the ice pack.Copy !req
745. Well, let me hold it
or you'll have a real shiner.Copy !req
746. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
747. I guess people are pretty hot
over this imbecile story.Copy !req
748. I'm sorry.Copy !req
749. Oh, it's not your fault, Amy.Copy !req
750. You're the one person
standing by me through this.Copy !req
751. Norville, there's something
I have to tell you.Copy !req
752. You see, I'm not really a secretary.Copy !req
753. - I know that, Amy.
- You do?Copy !req
754. I understand you're not very skilled yet
in the secretarial arts...Copy !req
755. but I'll tell you a secret,
I'm not that skilled as president.Copy !req
756. - I know I put up a big front, but...
- I believe in you, Norville.Copy !req
757. At least, I believe in your intentions.Copy !req
758. Oh, I don't blame them, really.
I suppose I have made a mess of things.Copy !req
759. Those folks have to protect
their investment.Copy !req
760. Most of them are very nice people.Copy !req
761. Listen, Norville, you can't trust
people here like you did in Muncie.Copy !req
762. Certain people are...Copy !req
763. See, did you ever go to the top of Larson's
feed tower and look out over the town?Copy !req
764. - What?
- On Farm Route 17?Copy !req
765. Oh, yes, in Muncie.Copy !req
766. - No, Vidalia. Farm Route 17.
- Oh, yes, 17, yes.Copy !req
767. I... Well, no, no. I never really.Copy !req
768. The guys from the Varsity Squad
would bring their dates up there to...Copy !req
769. hold hands.Copy !req
770. Of course, I never made Varsity.Copy !req
771. There's a place I go now.Copy !req
772. Cutest little place near my apartment
in Greenwich Village.Copy !req
773. It's called Ann's 440. It's a beatnik bar.Copy !req
774. - You don't say?
- Yes.Copy !req
775. - A beatnik bar.
- You can get carrot juice...Copy !req
776. or Italian coddee and the people there,
well, none of them quite fit in.Copy !req
777. You'd love it.Copy !req
778. Why don't you come there with me?Copy !req
779. There's a marathon poetry-reading
on New Year's Eve. I go every year.Copy !req
780. - It's marvelous.
- Every year?Copy !req
781. Well, this year, if it's good,
I plan to make it a tradition.Copy !req
782. I...Copy !req
783. My, it certainly is beautiful.
The people look like ants.Copy !req
784. Well, the Hindus say,
and the beatniks also...Copy !req
785. that in our next lives some of us
will come back as ants.Copy !req
786. Some will be butterflies,
others will be elephants...Copy !req
787. or creatures of the sea.Copy !req
788. What a beautiful thought.Copy !req
789. Hey, what do you think you were
in a previous life, Amy?Copy !req
790. I don't know. Maybe I was just...Copy !req
791. a fast-talking career gal
who thought she was one of the boys.Copy !req
792. Oh, no, Amy.Copy !req
793. Pardon me for saying so,
but I find that very far-fetched.Copy !req
794. - No, I have to tell you...
- That person would come back...Copy !req
795. as a wildebeest or a warthog.Copy !req
796. No, I find it more likely
that you were a gazelle...Copy !req
797. with long, graceful legs,
gamboling through the underbrush.Copy !req
798. Perhaps we met once.Copy !req
799. A chance encounter in a forest glade.Copy !req
800. I must have been an antelope
or an ibex.Copy !req
801. The times we must've had foraging
together for sustenance...Copy !req
802. snorfling water
from a mountain stream...Copy !req
803. picking the grubs and burrs
from one another's coats.Copy !req
804. Or perhaps we simply touched horns
briefly and went our separate ways.Copy !req
805. Oh, I wish it were that simple,
Norville.Copy !req
806. I wish I was still a gazelle
and you were an antelope...Copy !req
807. or an ibex.Copy !req
808. Well...Copy !req
809. can I at least call you "deer?"Copy !req
810. You're funny.Copy !req
811. Seriously, Amy, it's what
your beatnik friends call "karma."Copy !req
812. - Karma.
- The great circle of life, death and rebirth.Copy !req
813. Yes, I think I heard of that.
What goes around, comes around.Copy !req
814. That's it. A great wheel
that gives us all what we deserve.Copy !req
815. I gotta show Sid and all the
guys I deserve their confidence.Copy !req
816. Tomorrow's my big presentation
to the board.Copy !req
817. Kiss me, Amy! Kiss me once for luck.Copy !req
818. Sure, Norville, sure.Copy !req
819. You know, for kids!Copy !req
820. It has economy, simplicity,
low production cost...Copy !req
821. potential for mass appeal.Copy !req
822. All that spells out great profitability.Copy !req
823. I had the boys down at R&D
throw together this prototype...Copy !req
824. so our discussion
could have some focus...Copy !req
825. and to give you gentleman a firsthand
look at how exciting this gizmo is.Copy !req
826. It's fun, healthy, good exercise,
and the kids will just love it.Copy !req
827. We put a little sand inside
to make the experience more pleasant.Copy !req
828. But the great part is
we don't have to charge an arm and a leg.Copy !req
829. What if you tire before it's done?Copy !req
830. Does it have rules?Copy !req
831. - Can more than one play?
- It's a game?Copy !req
832. - Is it a game?
- Will it break?Copy !req
833. - It better break eventually.
- Is there an object?Copy !req
834. - What if you tire before it's done?
- Does it have batteries?Copy !req
835. - Could we charge extra for them?
- Is it safe for toddlers?Copy !req
836. How do you know you're finished?Copy !req
837. How does it stop?Copy !req
838. - Is that a boy's model?
- Can a parent assemble it?Copy !req
839. - What if you tire before it's done?
- Is there a larger model for the obese?Copy !req
840. What the hell is it?Copy !req
841. Well, it's a... It's a...Copy !req
842. It's a...Copy !req
843. Brilliant!Copy !req
844. Genius.Copy !req
845. It's exactly what Hudsucker Industry
needs at this juncture.Copy !req
846. Sure, sure.Copy !req
847. Even a blind man can tell you there'll be
an enormous demand for this...Copy !req
848. This...Copy !req
849. Congratulations, kid.Copy !req
850. You've outdone yourself.
You've reinvented the wheel.Copy !req
851. I'll recommend to the board that we
proceed immediately and that the...Copy !req
852. And that the...Copy !req
853. dingus be mass-produced
with all deliberate speed.Copy !req
854. Although, you realize...Copy !req
855. of course...Copy !req
856. as president...Copy !req
857. the ultimate decision is yours.Copy !req
858. I'm for it.Copy !req
859. We'll call it the Flying Doughnut!Copy !req
860. The Dancing Dingus!Copy !req
861. The Belly-Go-Round.Copy !req
862. The Swingerina!Copy !req
863. - The Wacky Circumference!
- Uncle Midriff!Copy !req
864. - We need something short!
- Sharp!Copy !req
865. - Snappy!
- With a little jazz!Copy !req
866. The Shazzammeter!Copy !req
867. The Hipster!Copy !req
868. The Daddy-O!Copy !req
869. - The Hoopsucker.
- The Hudswinger.Copy !req
870. - The Hoopsucker!
- The Hudswinger!Copy !req
871. - Fellas!
- You got something?Copy !req
872. You got something?Copy !req
873. Fella, I got something!Copy !req
874. Ladies.Copy !req
875. Norville!Copy !req
876. Rockwell News presents, Tidbits of Time.Copy !req
877. World news in pictures,
we kid you not.Copy !req
878. As Old Man 1958
hobbles towards his finish...Copy !req
879. Barnes is the name
on every American lip.Copy !req
880. Norville Barnes, young president
of Hudsucker Industries...Copy !req
881. a boy bred in the heartland,
but now the toast of New York.Copy !req
882. Barnes is the brainy inventor
of America's craziest craze:Copy !req
883. The Hula-Hoop!Copy !req
884. Reaping huge profits for his company
and winning the hearts...Copy !req
885. and hips of every youngster
in America!Copy !req
886. Did I say youngster?Copy !req
887. Here's Mom taking a break
from her household chores...Copy !req
888. and even Dad is swinging
into the act!Copy !req
889. Cards, letters, congratulations...Copy !req
890. come pouring
in from Kankakee to Petaluma...Copy !req
891. including one very special
long-distance call.Copy !req
892. He's on! He's on the line!Copy !req
893. - Hello?
- Hello, Norville.Copy !req
894. - This is the President.
- Oh, my God, sir.Copy !req
895. I just wanted to congratulate you.
I'm very proud of you.Copy !req
896. - Oh, my God, sir.
- Mrs. Eisenhower is very proud of you.Copy !req
897. The American people
are very proud of you.Copy !req
898. Mr. Barnes, how'd you come
up with the idea for the Hula-Hoop?Copy !req
899. It was no great idea, really.Copy !req
900. A thing like this takes a whole company
to put together.Copy !req
901. I'm grateful for the opportunity.Copy !req
902. Did you have any idea
there'd be such a huge response?Copy !req
903. Frankly, I don't think anybody
expected this much hoopla.Copy !req
904. "Hoopla on the Hula-Hoop."
Can we quote you on that, Mr. Barnes?Copy !req
905. Sure, I guess.Copy !req
906. Mr. Barnes, will you give yourself a nice,
fat raise?Copy !req
907. Come on, you guys.Copy !req
908. What scientific principle
explains the mind-bending motion...Copy !req
909. of this whipping wheel of wonder?Copy !req
910. The dingus is quite simple, really.Copy !req
911. It operates on the same principles...Copy !req
912. that keep the Earth spinning
around the sun...Copy !req
913. and that keeps you
from flying off the Earth...Copy !req
914. into the cold reaches of space...Copy !req
915. where you would die
like a miserable swine.Copy !req
916. Yes, the principle is the same...Copy !req
917. except for the piece of grit
they put in to make the experience...Copy !req
918. more pleasant.Copy !req
919. Yes, it's Hula-Hula everywhere!Copy !req
920. From the parties of the Park Avenue
smart set...Copy !req
921. to sweethearts who want to be married
in the swing of things.Copy !req
922. Mr. Barnes, did the board
consider you an idea man...Copy !req
923. when they promoted you
from the mailroom?Copy !req
924. I guess so, I don't think they promoted me
because they thought I was a schmo.Copy !req
925. Mr. Barnes, what's the next big idea
for you and Hudsucker?Copy !req
926. Jesus, I don't know.Copy !req
927. An idea like this sweet baby
doesn't just come overnight.Copy !req
928. Although, I'll tell you one thing,
I certainly didn't expect all this hoopla.Copy !req
929. You can quote me on that.Copy !req
930. Rumpus Magazine
has called you the most eligible bachelor.Copy !req
931. And society pages have been linking you
with fashion model Za-Za.Copy !req
932. - You care to comment?
- There's no truth to the rumors.Copy !req
933. We're just dear friends.
Isn't that right, Za-Za?Copy !req
934. How do you respond to the charges
that you're out of ideas?Copy !req
935. Has Norville Barnes run dry?Copy !req
936. Not at all. Just this week I came up
with several new sweet ideas.Copy !req
937. A larger model Hula-Hoop for the portly,
a battery option for the lazy or spastic.Copy !req
938. A model with extra sand
for the hard-of-hearing.Copy !req
939. I'm earning my keep.Copy !req
940. Speaking of that,
do you expect to get a raise?Copy !req
941. By anyone's account, I single-handedly
have saved Hudsucker Industries.Copy !req
942. Our stock is worth more now than ever.Copy !req
943. Yes, I expect to be compensated for that.Copy !req
944. - Pull yourself together, man.
- Nobody told me!Copy !req
945. You sold all our stock?Copy !req
946. We dumped the whole load.Copy !req
947. I had 20,000 shares!Copy !req
948. I'd be a millionaire now.Copy !req
949. Sure. We'd all be millionaires.Copy !req
950. There's no point in looking back.Copy !req
951. At the time, Stillson thought dumping
our position would panic the market...Copy !req
952. further depress the stock.Copy !req
953. Then we could buy it back and more,
of course, once it got cheap.Copy !req
954. Cheap? It's never been more valuable!Copy !req
955. And I'm ruined. Ruined!Copy !req
956. Addison.Copy !req
957. I'm getting off this merry-go-round!Copy !req
958. Myron.Copy !req
959. Plexiglas.Copy !req
960. Had it installed last week.Copy !req
961. Myron?Copy !req
962. All right, so the kid caught a wave.Copy !req
963. Right now, he and his dingus are on top.Copy !req
964. Well, this too shall pass.Copy !req
965. Myrtle J. Mussburger
did not raise her boy to go...Copy !req
966. knock-kneed
at the first sign of adversity.Copy !req
967. I say, we made this chump,
we can break him!Copy !req
968. I say, the higher he climbs,
the harder he drops!Copy !req
969. I say, yes...Copy !req
970. the kid has a future...Copy !req
971. and in it...Copy !req
972. I see shame, dishonor...Copy !req
973. ignominy, disgrace.Copy !req
974. Sure, sure.Copy !req
975. The music plays, the wheel turns...Copy !req
976. and our spin ain't over yet.Copy !req
977. For Pete's sakes, Norville!Copy !req
978. Oh, Amy, where have you been hiding?Copy !req
979. Do you know what those nincompoops
in the boardroom are doing?Copy !req
980. I wouldn't call them nincompoops.Copy !req
981. They're discharging 80 percent
of the workforce.Copy !req
982. In New York City alone,
that means 1800 people out of work!Copy !req
983. People with wives, children and families!Copy !req
984. Oh, yes, we're pruning away
some of the dead wood.Copy !req
985. - You mean you know about this?
- Know about it? Sure.Copy !req
986. You think the board would do anything
without my authorization?Copy !req
987. It was my idea from the start.Copy !req
988. - Your...
- Sure, it was.Copy !req
989. We're in a period of transition here.
Things have slowed.Copy !req
990. You're being awfully kind to yourself,
Norville Barnes.Copy !req
991. You've slowed down, sitting up here like
a sultan, not doing a lick of work.Copy !req
992. You know ideas
are the lifeblood of industry...Copy !req
993. and you haven't come up with one since
the Hoop.Copy !req
994. You've forgotten what made your ideas
exciting to you.Copy !req
995. If it wasn't for the fame, wealth,
the adulation...Copy !req
996. Would you get out of here?Copy !req
997. You too, sisters, move it. Out, out, out!Copy !req
998. I've been watching you, even though
you've been avoiding me.Copy !req
999. Shut up!Copy !req
1000. Don't think I haven't noticed
how you've changed.Copy !req
1001. I used to think you were a swell guy.Copy !req
1002. I thought you were an imbecile.Copy !req
1003. - Amy, I'm...
- Shut up!Copy !req
1004. Then I figured out you were a swell guy.
A little slow, but a swell guy.Copy !req
1005. Maybe you're not so slow,
but you're not so swell either.Copy !req
1006. Looks like you're an imbecile,
after all. Shut up!Copy !req
1007. You haven't talked to me for a week
and now I'm going to say my piece.Copy !req
1008. Look, I've never been...Copy !req
1009. dumped by a fella before,
and that hurts...Copy !req
1010. but what really hurts is watching you
outrun your soul!Copy !req
1011. Chasing after money and ease
and the respect of a board...Copy !req
1012. that wouldn't give you the time
of day if you...Copy !req
1013. - if you...
- Worked in a watch factory?Copy !req
1014. Shut up! Exactly.Copy !req
1015. Norville, don't you remember
how you used to feel about the Hoop?Copy !req
1016. You told me you'd gonna bring a smile
to the hips of everyone in America...Copy !req
1017. regardless of race, creed or color.Copy !req
1018. Finally, there'd be a thingamajig
that would bring everyone together...Copy !req
1019. even if it kept them apart spatially.Copy !req
1020. "You know, for kids."Copy !req
1021. Your words, Norville, not mine.Copy !req
1022. I used to love Norville Barnes.Copy !req
1023. Yes, love him...Copy !req
1024. when he was just a swell kid
with hot ideas who was in over his head.Copy !req
1025. Now your head's too big to be in over!Copy !req
1026. - Hey.
- Consider this my resignation.Copy !req
1027. Effective immediately!Copy !req
1028. Buddy, buddy.Copy !req
1029. Buddy.Copy !req
1030. Buddy. Buddy, say, buddy.Copy !req
1031. Buddy, say, buddy.Copy !req
1032. Buddy. You busy?Copy !req
1033. Looks like you nodded off there, buddy.
Say, you got a minute?Copy !req
1034. Buzz?Copy !req
1035. Is this important?Copy !req
1036. I think so. It's this little idea
I've been working on.Copy !req
1037. You see, I don't intend
to be an elevator boy forever.Copy !req
1038. Take a look at this sweet baby!Copy !req
1039. Get it? Incredibly convenient, isn't it?Copy !req
1040. You know, for drinks?Copy !req
1041. This is how it works.
It's got these ridges...Copy !req
1042. on the side that give it
its whammy.Copy !req
1043. See, you don't have to drink like this
anymore. You can drink like this.Copy !req
1044. I call it the Buzz-Sucker.
You get it, buddy?Copy !req
1045. People are dying for this
and we won't have to charge an arm an...Copy !req
1046. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1047. This...Copy !req
1048. is worthless!Copy !req
1049. But, buddy...Copy !req
1050. This is the most idiotic thing
I've ever seen.Copy !req
1051. Yeah, but, buddy...Copy !req
1052. Nobody wants a harebrained product
like this.Copy !req
1053. You see, Buzz,
it lacks the creative spark...Copy !req
1054. the unalloyed genius
that made something like, say...Copy !req
1055. the, Hula-Hoop such a success.Copy !req
1056. What do you mean barging in
and taking up my time?Copy !req
1057. I've got a company to run here!Copy !req
1058. - But, buddy...
- I can't have every deadbeat...Copy !req
1059. on the payroll pestering me
with their idiotic brainwaves.Copy !req
1060. I'm sorry, buddy.Copy !req
1061. - An example must be made.
- What do you mean, buddy?Copy !req
1062. You're fired.Copy !req
1063. Is that plain enough for you, buster?Copy !req
1064. Oh, buddy!Copy !req
1065. And don't call me "buddy."Copy !req
1066. Oh, please, sir! This job running
the elevator, it's all I got!Copy !req
1067. It's okay if you don't like it.Copy !req
1068. Just let me keep my job,
I'm praying to you.Copy !req
1069. Get out of my office! Get up! Up!Copy !req
1070. We don't crawl here
at Hudsucker Industries!Copy !req
1071. I'm sorry, sir! I'm sorry!Copy !req
1072. Thank you, Aloysius.Copy !req
1073. This is...Copy !req
1074. useful.Copy !req
1075. Sorry I'm late, Sid. That back
nine at Riverdale's really murder.Copy !req
1076. It's a tough course. A real lollapalooza.Copy !req
1077. Sit down, son.Copy !req
1078. I thought the boardroom would be
a swell place to chat undisturbed.Copy !req
1079. Seems we've got some security
problems here at the Hud.Copy !req
1080. You don't say.Copy !req
1081. Ordinarily, I wouldn't
bother you with it...Copy !req
1082. but this is embarrassing.Copy !req
1083. It concerns you directly.Copy !req
1084. - How's that, Sid?
- It's not serious in itself.Copy !req
1085. Some elevator boy
that you'd fired came to me...Copy !req
1086. claiming that you'd stolen the idea
for the dingus.Copy !req
1087. You'd stolen it from him.Copy !req
1088. - Maybe I was a little rough on him...
- Forget it.Copy !req
1089. You don't have to explain to me.
He's a little person. He's nothing.Copy !req
1090. Fire whoever you want.Copy !req
1091. No, the problem is who you hired.Copy !req
1092. That dame. A spy, as it turns out.Copy !req
1093. She must have gotten
to that elevator schnook...Copy !req
1094. and her paper is going to town.Copy !req
1095. Sure, sure, we tried to kill the story,
but the Argus won't play ball.Copy !req
1096. The problem the board
will have is you hired this woman...Copy !req
1097. and you kept her on...Copy !req
1098. while she was making a chump
out of you.Copy !req
1099. Serious error in judgment.Copy !req
1100. Business is war, kid.Copy !req
1101. Take no prisoners,
give no second chances.Copy !req
1102. When the board meets
after New Year's...Copy !req
1103. your position...Copy !req
1104. Looks like you're finished.Copy !req
1105. Washed up.Copy !req
1106. Oh, fourteenth hole at Riverdale...Copy !req
1107. some use a mashie,
some use a niblick.Copy !req
1108. Niblick.Copy !req
1109. You get more loft, more backspin.Copy !req
1110. That dame...Copy !req
1111. she got your throat pretty well slit.Copy !req
1112. When you're dead, you stay dead.Copy !req
1113. You don't believe me,
ask Waring Hudsucker.Copy !req
1114. Tough luck, kid.
You had a short climb up.Copy !req
1115. It's a long way down.Copy !req
1116. Stolen hoop idea from...
You can't print that!Copy !req
1117. We are printing it!Copy !req
1118. She hits the streets this evening.Copy !req
1119. And she's dynamite!Copy !req
1120. But, Al, it's the bunk!Copy !req
1121. Norville showed me his design
the day I met him.Copy !req
1122. Buzz couldn't have invented it.
Look at him, he's an imbecile.Copy !req
1123. Aren't you a broken record?
Gunderson did design it.Copy !req
1124. Apparently, he's a prodigy.Copy !req
1125. - Says who?
- You're not the only one with sources.Copy !req
1126. Smith has a source on the Hud board.
Very hush-hush.Copy !req
1127. Yeah. I bet his initials
are Sidney J. Mussburger.Copy !req
1128. You lost it, Amy.
You gone soft, by the looks of it.Copy !req
1129. Soft on the dummy from Dubuque.Copy !req
1130. - Muncie.
- Whatever!Copy !req
1131. This story's hot and you're no longer on
top of it. It's the scoop of the century!Copy !req
1132. The other papers
won't have this till tomorrow!Copy !req
1133. They'll be choking on our dust
come morning.Copy !req
1134. You're fools, both of you!
You're being used, don't you see?Copy !req
1135. Take a break. You worked hard
on this story. You broke it for us.Copy !req
1136. But it's passed you by
and Smith's taking up the slack.Copy !req
1137. You want slack,
I'll give you slack!Copy !req
1138. You're not putting me out to pasture!
I quit! Consider this my resignation!Copy !req
1139. Effective immediately!Copy !req
1140. Soft.Copy !req
1141. So tell me...Copy !req
1142. why do you feel
this woman betrayed you?Copy !req
1143. What's the difference?Copy !req
1144. The whole world,
it seems, is against you?Copy !req
1145. I don't know.Copy !req
1146. Und the elevator boy...Copy !req
1147. Buzz, he too works against you?Copy !req
1148. Well, yeah.Copy !req
1149. Classic.Copy !req
1150. Patient displayed listlessness,
apathy, gloomy indidderence...Copy !req
1151. und was blue und mopey.Copy !req
1152. When asked what the Rorschach stains
represented, patient replied:Copy !req
1153. "Nothing much. I don't know.
Just a blotch. Sure beats me."Copy !req
1154. Patient shows no ambition,
no get-up-and-go, no vim.Copy !req
1155. He is riding the grand loopen-ze-loop...Copy !req
1156. that goes from the height
of delusional gaiety...Copy !req
1157. to the trough of despair.Copy !req
1158. He is now near,
but not yet at his lowest point.Copy !req
1159. When he reaches bottom, he may erupt
und pose a danger to himself und others.Copy !req
1160. Diagnosis, Dr. Bronfenbrenner?Copy !req
1161. Patient is eine manic-depressive
paranoid, type B...Copy !req
1162. with acute schizoid tendencies.Copy !req
1163. So patient is?Copy !req
1164. Precisely, nuts!Copy !req
1165. Prescription?Copy !req
1166. Three things, commitment,
electroconvulsive therapy...Copy !req
1167. maintenance in eine secure facility.Copy !req
1168. Yeah, he's a tall guy. A real mess.Copy !req
1169. Yeah, yeah, look, you better get down here.
He says he's a friend of yours.Copy !req
1170. He didn't say.
But, man, is he from Squaresville.Copy !req
1171. I want a martini!Copy !req
1172. It's New Year's Eve. I deserve a martini.Copy !req
1173. - Daddy, it's like I've been telling you. You...
- I thought you served misfits here.Copy !req
1174. Yeah, daddy. That's a roger.
But we don't sell alcohol.Copy !req
1175. What kind of bar is it,
you can't get a martini?Copy !req
1176. It's a juice-and-coddee bar, man,
like I've been telling you.Copy !req
1177. Right. So I want a martini.Copy !req
1178. I've had a martini in every bar
all the way down here.Copy !req
1179. Martinis are for squares, man.Copy !req
1180. What'd you call me,
you beatnik son of a...?Copy !req
1181. Norville.Copy !req
1182. What?Copy !req
1183. - Look who's here, Amy Archer...
- No.Copy !req
1184. Prizeter Pule winner.Copy !req
1185. Looking for a nitwit to buy you lunch?Copy !req
1186. - Norville, I'm sorry.
- Bar fella, I'd like...Copy !req
1187. a martini, please.Copy !req
1188. I tried to tell you so many times, I...Copy !req
1189. It's hard to admit
when you've been wrong.Copy !req
1190. If you could just...Copy !req
1191. find it in your heart
to give me another chance.Copy !req
1192. "You take no prisoners,
give no second chances."Copy !req
1193. Please, Norville!
Please give me one more chance!Copy !req
1194. And yourself too. We both deserve one.Copy !req
1195. Just give us a second chance.Copy !req
1196. Together we can fight this thing.Copy !req
1197. I know this last story was a lie
and we can prove it.Copy !req
1198. You got to release a statement.Copy !req
1199. - I can help you write it.
- Oh, what's the difference?Copy !req
1200. I'm all washed up.Copy !req
1201. Extinct. Homo sapiens sapicus.Copy !req
1202. Well, that just about does it.Copy !req
1203. I've seen Norville Barnes,
the young man in a big hurry...Copy !req
1204. and I've seen Norville Barnes,
the self-important heel.Copy !req
1205. But I've never seen Norville Barnes,
the quitter...Copy !req
1206. and I don't like it.Copy !req
1207. Fight on.Copy !req
1208. Fight on, dear old Muncie.Copy !req
1209. Fight on. Hoist the gold and blue.Copy !req
1210. You'll be tattered, torn and hurting.Copy !req
1211. Once the Munce is done with you.Copy !req
1212. Go, Eagles.Copy !req
1213. You can't surrender, Norville.
Remember.Copy !req
1214. Fight on, Fight on
Dear old Muncie.Copy !req
1215. Fight on
Hoist the gold and blue.Copy !req
1216. You'll be tattered, torn and hurting.Copy !req
1217. You lied to me. How could you lie to me?Copy !req
1218. You, a Muncie girl.Copy !req
1219. But, Norville, I...Copy !req
1220. When you're dead, you stay dead.
Just ask Waring Hudsucker!Copy !req
1221. Oh, Norville.Copy !req
1222. Extra, extra! New Year's Eve edition!Copy !req
1223. Barnes' brain caught red-handed!Copy !req
1224. Ideas ersatz!Copy !req
1225. Man from Muncie a moron after all!Copy !req
1226. Read all about it!Copy !req
1227. New Year's Eve edition!
Man from Muncie a moron after all!Copy !req
1228. You're not so slow,
but you're not so swell.Copy !req
1229. And it looks like
you're an imbecile after all.Copy !req
1230. Sure, sure.
But your friends called you dope?Copy !req
1231. Dipstick? Lamebrain? Schmo?Copy !req
1232. Please, buddy, running the elevator,
it's all I got.Copy !req
1233. Norville, you let me down.Copy !req
1234. You let Mrs. Eisenhower down.
You let the American people down.Copy !req
1235. And when you're dead, you stay dead.Copy !req
1236. You stay dead, you stay dead.
Sure, sure.Copy !req
1237. The kid is screwy, it's oddicial.Copy !req
1238. The barred-window boys
are out looking for him now.Copy !req
1239. We'll see how Wall Street
likes the news...Copy !req
1240. that the president of Hudsucker
is headed for the booby hatch.Copy !req
1241. When Doc Bronfenbrenner
gets through with him...Copy !req
1242. he'll need diapers and a dribble cup.Copy !req
1243. Well, if that's all...Copy !req
1244. Long live the Hud!Copy !req
1245. Watch where you're... Hiya, buddy!Copy !req
1246. - Buzz?
- Out on the town? Guess what?Copy !req
1247. Sid says I can have my old job back.
I deserve a second chance, he says.Copy !req
1248. - He did?
- Turns out he's not such a bad guy after all.Copy !req
1249. Buzz, that's wonderful.Copy !req
1250. He told me you stole that swell hoop idea
from me. What gives?Copy !req
1251. - Buzz, I would never...
- Gee, that was a swell idea.Copy !req
1252. And Sid says you stoled it!Copy !req
1253. What are you waiting on, Clarence?
Pop him one.Copy !req
1254. But Buzz...Copy !req
1255. He's that big-shot faker!Copy !req
1256. - That Wall Street fraud guy.
- Nuttier than a fruitcake.Copy !req
1257. Somebody call the cops!Copy !req
1258. Ring out the old, ring in the new.Copy !req
1259. Ring out the old, ring in the new.Copy !req
1260. Hey. Hey!Copy !req
1261. Hey.Copy !req
1262. Strictly speaking,
I'm never supposed to do this...Copy !req
1263. but have you got a better idea?Copy !req
1264. She'll be driving
Six white horses when she comes.Copy !req
1265. She'll be driving six white horses.Copy !req
1266. We'll all have chicken and dumplings
When she comes.Copy !req
1267. We'll all have chicken and dumplings
Yes, we'll all have chicken and dumplings.Copy !req
1268. We'll all have chicken and dumplings
When she comes.Copy !req
1269. She'll be coming round the mountain
When she comes.Copy !req
1270. She'll be coming round the mountain
She'll be coming round the mountain.Copy !req
1271. She'll be coming round the mountain
When she comes.Copy !req
1272. She'll be coming round the mountain
I said coming round the mountain.Copy !req
1273. Oh, yeah, coming round the mountain
When she comes.Copy !req
1274. Love that tune. How you doing, kid?Copy !req
1275. Mr. Hudsucker?Copy !req
1276. How do you like that thing?
They're all wearing them upstairs.Copy !req
1277. It's a fad. Anyway...Copy !req
1278. I see you've been having some
problems with the board.Copy !req
1279. I guess Sidney's putting
the screws to you, Norman.Copy !req
1280. - Norville.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1281. Say what you like
about the man's ethics.Copy !req
1282. He's a balls-to-the-wall businessman.Copy !req
1283. Beat you any way he can.
Straight for the jugular. Eddective.Copy !req
1284. Any particular reason...Copy !req
1285. you didn't give him my blue letter?Copy !req
1286. Jesus, Norman, just a dying
man's last words and wishes, no big deal.Copy !req
1287. Mr. Hudsucker, I must've mislaid it...Copy !req
1288. It's in your apron pocket,
right where you left it.Copy !req
1289. Imbecile.Copy !req
1290. Failure to deliver a blue letter
is grounds for dismissal.Copy !req
1291. - Jeez, sir, I...
- Oh, it's New Year's.Copy !req
1292. I'm not gonna add to your woes.
I'm just saying.Copy !req
1293. Anyway, you wanna read it?
You might learn something.Copy !req
1294. Might keep you from jumping
out of any more windows.Copy !req
1295. "Blue letter from the desk
of Waring Hudsucker..."Copy !req
1296. to Sidney J. Mussburger,
regarding my demise.Copy !req
1297. Dear, Sid, by the time you read this...Copy !req
1298. I will have joined the organization
upstairs...Copy !req
1299. "... an exciting new beginning.
I will retain fond..."Copy !req
1300. - Memories.
- "Of the years you and I have spent..."Copy !req
1301. Yeah, yeah,
standard resignation boilerplate.Copy !req
1302. Go down to the second paragraph.Copy !req
1303. "You will no doubt be wondering
why I've decided to end my tenure..."Copy !req
1304. both at Hudsucker and here on Earth.Copy !req
1305. From the standpoint
of our balance sheet and financials...Copy !req
1306. sure, sure, we're doing fine.Copy !req
1307. But in my personal life, Sidney,
I have made grave errors.Copy !req
1308. I have let my success become my identity.Copy !req
1309. I have foolishly played the great man...Copy !req
1310. and watched my life
become more and more empty as a result.Copy !req
1311. My vanity drove away she
who could've saved me.Copy !req
1312. Oh, yes, I loved a woman once, Sid,
as you well know.Copy !req
1313. A beautiful, vibrant lady...Copy !req
1314. "... and angel who, in her wisdom,
saw fit to choose you instead of I."Copy !req
1315. Mr. Hudsucker.Copy !req
1316. Skip this part.Copy !req
1317. Next page. Next page!Copy !req
1318. "This brings me to our company, Sid,
and its future."Copy !req
1319. Our next president must have the liberty
I have had as owner...Copy !req
1320. - "to experiment and even fall."
- Fail.Copy !req
1321. "Without fear of the whims
of the stockholders or an impatient board."Copy !req
1322. - The new president must be free to fall...
- Fail!Copy !req
1323. - And learn to fail...
- Fall!Copy !req
1324. And rise again by applying
what he has learned.Copy !req
1325. Such is business. Such is life.Copy !req
1326. Accordingly, I hereby bequeath
all of my shares in Hudsucker Industry...Copy !req
1327. to whomever you and the board
shall elect to succeed me as president.Copy !req
1328. I assume this will be you, Sidney.Copy !req
1329. "If not, if the board should choose
someone else to be president then, then..."Copy !req
1330. Tough titty toenails!Copy !req
1331. That'll show the bastard!Copy !req
1332. Okay, go ahead.Copy !req
1333. "Then I urge you to work
with the new president..."Copy !req
1334. and remind him
when he needs to be reminded...Copy !req
1335. that failure should never lead
to despair.Copy !req
1336. Despair looks only to the past,
in business...Copy !req
1337. "... and in love."Copy !req
1338. The future is now.Copy !req
1339. The future is now.Copy !req
1340. "When our future president needs it..."Copy !req
1341. Waring Hudsucker,
hereby bequeaths him...Copy !req
1342. "... his second chance."Copy !req
1343. Deliver that letter in the morning!Copy !req
1344. And so began 1959. The New Year.Copy !req
1345. When he learned that Norville owned
the company, Sidney was upset at first.Copy !req
1346. It's a good thing
Doc Bronfenbrenner was there...Copy !req
1347. Sidney?Copy !req
1348. Because he was able to keep
Sidney from harming his old self.Copy !req
1349. He prescribed a long rest in the sana...
In the sanator...Copy !req
1350. In the booby hatch.Copy !req
1351. Now, Norville...Copy !req
1352. he went on and ruled
with wisdom and compassion...Copy !req
1353. and started dreaming up
them exciting new ideas again.Copy !req
1354. You know, for kids.Copy !req
1355. I had the boys down at R&D
throw together this prototype...Copy !req
1356. so our discussion could have focus...Copy !req
1357. and to give you gentlemen
of the board a firsthand look.Copy !req
1358. That's the story
of how Norville Barnes climbed way up...Copy !req
1359. to the 44th floor
of the Hudsucker building...Copy !req
1360. and then fell all the way down,
but didn't quite squish his self.Copy !req
1361. You know, they say there was a man
who jumped from the 45th floor.Copy !req
1362. But that's another story.Copy !req