1. It's an important and popular fact
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2. that things are not always
what they seem.
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3. For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
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4. that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
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5. instead of the third most intelligent.
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6. The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
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7. had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
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8. They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
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9. but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
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10. as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for tidbits.
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11. So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
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12. The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
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13. as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
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14. through a hoop, whistling
The Star-Spangled Banner.
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15. In fact, the message was this;
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16. "So long and thanks for all the fish. "
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17. So long
and thanks for all the fish
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18. So sad that it should come to this
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19. We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
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20. You may not share our intellect
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21. Which might explain your disrespect
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22. For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
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23. So long, so long
and thanks... for all the fish
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24. Your world's about to be destroyed
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25. There's no point
getting all annoyed
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26. Lie back and let the planet
dissolve around you
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27. Despite those nets of tuna fleets
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28. We thought that
most of you were sweet
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29. Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
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30. So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
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31. So long, so long
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32. So long,
so long and thanks for all the fish
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33. If I had just one last wish
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34. I would like a tasty fish
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35. If we could just change one thing
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36. We would all have learnt to sing
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37. Come one and all
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38. Man and mammal
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39. Side by side
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40. In life's great gene pool!
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41. So long, so long, so long
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42. So long, so long
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43. So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish!
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44. The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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45. begins very simply.
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46. It begins with a man.
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47. Ooh!
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48. An Earthman, to be precise.
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49. Who no more knows his destiny,
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50. than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
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51. His name is Arthur Dent.
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52. He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant
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53. and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
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54. What do I want you to do about it?
Find him
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55. and tell him I'm currently lying
flat on my back in front of...
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56. Fine, I'll hold.
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57. You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers for ever.
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58. I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
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59. This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
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60. - Why has it got to be built?
- It's a bypass.
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61. You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
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62. The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
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63. On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
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64. Mr Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
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65. if I just let it roll straight over you?
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66. - How much?
- None at all.
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67. By a strange coincidence,
none at all
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68. is exactly how much suspicion
ape-descendant Arthur had
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69. that one of his closest friends
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70. was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
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71. somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
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72. Arthur! Arthur!
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73. - Ford!
- Yes?
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74. Here.
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75. Ah, there you are!
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76. Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
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77. Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
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78. Whoa! You already...
You already know? How?
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79. What do you m...?
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80. Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
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81. Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
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82. Well, what about my house?
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83. Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer!
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84. - Good. Let's go to the pub.
- Huh?
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85. They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
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86. - Can we trust 'em?
- To the end of the Earth.
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87. - How far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
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88. Huh?
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89. Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
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90. Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
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91. Six pints coming up.
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92. Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
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93. Three pints each? At lunchtime?
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94. Sorry. Ah. Time is an illusion.
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95. Lunchtime, doubly so.
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96. And eat those peanuts,
because you'll need the salt.
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97. - Look, what is going on, Ford?
- Arthur...
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98. What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
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99. I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
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100. Is that something
you're likely to say?
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101. Remember when we met?
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102. Out the way!
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103. - Oof!
- Hi.
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104. Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
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105. I assumed you were drunk.
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106. I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
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107. You saved my life. And now
I'm saving yours. Please drink.
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108. It must be Thursday. I could never get
the hang of Thursdays.
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109. - If this is about your house...
- No, it's not about the house.
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110. - Who's he?
- She. She.
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111. Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
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112. I hate those kind of parties.
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113. I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
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114. - But there I was.
- Who are you?
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115. - Oh!
- And there she was.
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116. - Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Oh, no. I mean, who are you?
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117. Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume!"
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118. Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
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119. You're the first to get that right.
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120. - Really?
- Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
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121. - Right.
- I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
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122. So did I.
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123. People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
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124. What?
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125. All these people are idiots!
God!
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126. That's awkward.
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127. Tell me.
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128. She was amazing though, Ford.
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129. Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
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130. Uh, without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
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131. Maybe I'm de-evolving.
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132. Well, I should tell you
that I do not date
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133. single-celled organisms, okay?
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134. Let's go somewhere.
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135. Yeah. Definitely.
Um, where do you have in mind?
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136. - Madagascar.
- Is that that new club on Dean Street?
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137. No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
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138. That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
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139. Wait a sec.
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140. Go.
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141. God, you're serious.
Um, I can't go to Madagascar.
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142. - Why not?
- Because, I just, you know...
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143. - You're serious?
- Yeah.
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144. I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you, so...
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145. what do you say, Dr Livingstone?
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146. I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
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147. I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
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148. Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
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149. I don't even know your real name.
Ow! Ow!
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150. - Tricia McMillan.
- Well, Tricia McMillan.
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151. Um, I have a proposition for you.
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152. Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first, say Cornwall,
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153. and we'll see how it goes.
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154. Right, of course, Cornwall.
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155. Hey, excuse me.
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156. Is this guy boring you?
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157. Why don't you talk to me instead?
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158. I'm from a different planet.
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159. It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
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160. "Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
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161. Mm, that does happen.
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162. Speaking of...
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163. We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
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164. That's my house.
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165. People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
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166. You really think
the world's going to end?
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167. Yes.
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168. Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
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169. - If you like.
- Will it help?
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170. Not at all. See you.
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171. Last orders!
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172. - What is that?
- Run!
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173. Look out!
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174. Aha! Towel!
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175. Arthur!
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176. What the hell are those things?
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177. Yeow! They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
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178. I picked up their signal this morning.
You'll need this.
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179. - What are you doing?
- We're hitching a ride.
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180. Um, people of Earth,
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181. this is Prostetnic Vogon jeltz of the
Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.
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182. As you are probably aware,
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183. plans for the development of the
outlying regions of the galaxy
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184. involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
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185. And your planet is one of those
scheduled for demolition.
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186. There's no point
acting surprised about it.
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187. The plans have been on display
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188. at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
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189. If you can't be bothered with
local affairs, that's your lookout.
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190. Apathetic bloody planet.
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191. I've no sympathy at all.
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192. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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193. is a wholly remarkable book.
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194. Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
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195. ever to come out of the great publishing
corporations of Ursa Minor.
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196. More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
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197. better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
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198. and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
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199. of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
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200. Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
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201. and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
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202. It's already supplanted
the Encyclopedia Galactica
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203. as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
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204. for two important reasons.
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205. First, it's slightly cheaper,
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206. and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic "
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207. printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
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208. So you're not from Guildford?
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209. Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
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210. Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,
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211. but rather a writer for this,
this book thing.
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212. Good, huh?
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213. I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
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214. If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
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215. - We're safe for now.
- Good.
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216. We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
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217. - Oh, get me home, Ford.
- Arthur, your home is...
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218. Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
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219. You don't remember.
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220. Okay, Arthur, I've got something to tell
you. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
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221. Your home planet has been blown up.
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222. Huh, blown up.
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223. Couldn't you have done something?
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224. I saved your life.
Okay, that makes us even.
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225. It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here, you've...
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226. gotta know where your towel is.
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227. Okay, give me a hand over here.
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228. Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
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229. Before the Vogons find us.
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230. Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
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231. Huh?
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232. - Now we'll get a signal.
- What is a Vogon?
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233. Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
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234. Vogons.
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235. Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
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236. Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
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237. They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
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238. from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal without orders
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239. signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
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240. queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
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241. lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
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242. and recycled as firelighters.
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243. On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
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244. They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
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245. Hmm?
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246. And if we don't get a ride soon,
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247. we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
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248. They've already destroyed
a planet today.
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249. That always makes them a little eee!
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250. Ughh! What is that?
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251. - Put this in your ear.
- Huh?
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252. We have unwittingly
picked up a couple of hitchhikers.
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253. The fish is translating for you.
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254. The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
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255. and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
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256. It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
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257. and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
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258. to the speech centers of the brain.
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259. The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
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260. you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
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261. Resistance is useless.
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262. - All right.
- Someone's coming.
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263. Here we go. Look lively.
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264. Wheee!
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265. Ha, ha!
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266. - Hmmm.
- Sir.
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267. - What?
- Hitchhikers.
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268. "O freddled gruntbuggly..."
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269. No, really, you don't have to read.
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270. We've put you through
enough trouble already.
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271. "... as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
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272. Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
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273. The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
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274. During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
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275. of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
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276. I Found in my Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
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277. four of his audience
died of internal hemorrhaging,
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278. and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
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279. survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
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280. "Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
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281. "... with my blurgle..."
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282. The absolute worst poetry was
by Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
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283. Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
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284. "See if I don't." Yeah.
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285. So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
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286. Either die in the vacuum of space,
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287. or tell me what you thought of my poem.
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288. A... a... actually, I rather liked it.
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289. - Hmm?
- Yeah.
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290. - That's good. Run with it.
- Hmmm.
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291. Uh, some of the words
I didn't understand,
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292. but I found the imagery quite effective.
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293. Continue.
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294. Well, uh, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
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295. which seemed to counterpoint
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296. the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
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297. - Vogonity!
- Vogonity, sorry, vogonity...
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298. of the poet's soul.
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299. So what you're saying is,
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300. I write poetry because
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301. underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
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302. I just want to be loved?
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303. Yes, yes, yes.
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304. Yes, yes, yeah, please.
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305. Ahh, ooh, ooh, mmm.
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306. Throw them off the ship!
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307. - No! No!
- Ford. Ford!
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308. Ahh!
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309. All right! All right!
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310. Resistance is useless!
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311. Shut up! Get a job!
Wash your filthy hands!
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312. Don't panic. Don't panic.
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313. So this is it?
We're going to die?
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314. Yeah, we're gonna die.
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315. No, no, what's this?
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316. What is this?
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317. What's this? This is... nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
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318. You're sweating.
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319. - Would you like a hug?
- No.
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320. "Space, " says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
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321. "is big. Really big. "
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322. "You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. "
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323. A... a... and so on.
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324. It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
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325. you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
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326. But with space being really big and all,
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327. the chances of being picked up
within that time
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328. are two to the power of two billion,
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329. 79 million, 460 thousand,
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330. 347 to one against.
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331. By a staggering coincidence,
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332. it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat,
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333. where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
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334. and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
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335. Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
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336. have all now been demolished, Ford
and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
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337. - Ford?
- Y es.
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338. - I think I'm a sofa.
- I know how you feel.
Copy !req
339. So much for the laws of physics.
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340. And our top story.
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341. The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
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342. the starship Heart of Gold.
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343. Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
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344. than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
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345. In the name of people, freedom,
and, uh... democracy, stuff like that,
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346. I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me. Whoo!
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347. Come on!
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348. Beeblebrox,
universally considered
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349. to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
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350. is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
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351. who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
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352. in the universe contest.
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353. Great.
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354. Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
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355. "Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
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356. Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
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357. If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
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358. Come on, I love it.
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359. Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
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360. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What d'you...?
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361. - I was just watching myself.
- We have a couple of hitchhikers.
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362. Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
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363. I didn't. The ship did.
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364. What? Wh... wh... Say what?
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365. When we engaged the
lmprobability Drive... The big button.
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366. - I know.
- They were picked up here.
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367. In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
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368. - On Earth.
- That's impossible.
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369. - No, just very improbable.
- Listen. I don't have time for this.
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370. We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
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371. So ten out of ten for style, but...
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372. minus several million
for good thinking.
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373. You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
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374. Don't. I'll send Marvin.
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375. Marvin.
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376. You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
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377. Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
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378. It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
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379. Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
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380. and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
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381. just that? I won't enjoy it.
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382. Yeah, well, that's life.
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383. Life?
Don't talk to me about life.
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384. - Commander Kwaltz.
- Yes.
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385. We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
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386. - Where?
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
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387. Requesting hyperspace clearance.
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388. Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
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389. - Yes, sir.
- Get me Vice-President Questular.
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390. Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
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391. Here we go.
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392. I think that door just sighed.
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393. Ghastly, isn't it?
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394. All the doors have been programmed
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395. to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
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396. Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
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397. Please yourselves.
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398. Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
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399. and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
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400. Call that job satisfaction?
'Cause I don't.
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401. You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics
Corp. For building robots with G.P.P.
Copy !req
402. - What's G.P.P.?
- Genuine People Personalities.
Copy !req
403. I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
Copy !req
404. Arthur?
Copy !req
405. Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours.
Copy !req
406. And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
Copy !req
407. Oh, for heaven's sake.
Copy !req
408. I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
Copy !req
409. Ah-ha! Ow!
Copy !req
410. Freeze!
Copy !req
411. Freeze?
I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
Copy !req
412. - I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
- Oh, why do I bother?
Copy !req
413. - Zaphod?
- Ford!
Copy !req
414. Is that you?
Ford! Praxibetel lx!
Copy !req
415. What the hell are you doing here?
Copy !req
416. I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
Copy !req
417. - That is so you.
- Look at you!
Copy !req
418. President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
Copy !req
419. You zarkin' frood.
Copy !req
420. I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Copy !req
421. Oh.
Copy !req
422. President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half brother...
Copy !req
423. - We share three of the same mothers.
- We've met.
Copy !req
424. Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
Copy !req
425. This is him, Ford. The would-you-like-
to-see-my-spaceship bloke.
Copy !req
426. - Hmm.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
427. - Hello, Arthur.
- Tricia!
Copy !req
428. - How you doin'?
- Hey, Trillian.
Copy !req
429. This is my semi-half-brother lx,
I'm sorry, Ford.
Copy !req
430. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
431. Um, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
Copy !req
432. You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
Copy !req
433. Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
Copy !req
434. Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
Copy !req
435. I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
Copy !req
436. I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
Copy !req
437. Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
Copy !req
438. I don't know, Arthoolia.
Copy !req
439. That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
Copy !req
440. - How'd you get here?
- I just stuck out my thumb.
Copy !req
441. - Right. In your pajamas?
- I was in a hurry.
Copy !req
442. Okay. Did you know I was here?
Copy !req
443. Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
Copy !req
444. Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
Copy !req
445. Okay, um, look.
Copy !req
446. I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
Copy !req
447. Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
Copy !req
448. You do know what happened?
Copy !req
449. Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
Copy !req
450. Excuse me, we're having a chat.
Copy !req
451. Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo!
Copy !req
452. You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
Copy !req
453. - You wanna fight?
- Okay.
Copy !req
454. - No. No.
- I'm just kidding.
Copy !req
455. I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
Copy !req
456. Didn't see that one coming, did you?
Copy !req
457. Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah!
Copy !req
458. Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
Copy !req
459. He's a guest on my ship!
Copy !req
460. I thought you said you stole it.
Copy !req
461. Stole what?
What are we talking about?
Copy !req
462. Whoa! That doesn't sound good.
Copy !req
463. - Are you okay?
- just fabulous, thanks, "Trill".
Copy !req
464. A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
Copy !req
465. I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
Copy !req
466. Yes, I do!
Copy !req
467. Hey, this is really pretty.
Copy !req
468. - Don't!
- Whoo! They're on our tail.
Copy !req
469. Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage!
Copy !req
470. Ow! Stop that! Ow!
Copy !req
471. just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
Copy !req
472. - Uh, computer?
- Hi, there.
Copy !req
473. I'm Eddie, your computer.
Copy !req
474. I'm pleased to report that it's
a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
Copy !req
475. They're sending you a message.
Copy !req
476. This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
Copy !req
477. I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the President?
Copy !req
478. She digs me.
Copy !req
479. Surrender the stolen vessel at once
Copy !req
480. or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
Copy !req
481. section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar
Space Bylaws...
Copy !req
482. Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
Copy !req
483. Leap to hyperspace! Come on!
Copy !req
484. Sure thing, fella!
Copy !req
485. No.
Copy !req
486. Did they have proper
hyperspace authorization?
Copy !req
487. - No, commander.
- Oh.
Copy !req
488. Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
Copy !req
489. I'm coming, sir.
Copy !req
490. I'm boiling!
Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.
Copy !req
491. So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
Copy !req
492. That depends. Where are you going?
Copy !req
493. Where am I going?
Copy !req
494. - You okay?
- Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
Copy !req
495. Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
Copy !req
496. When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
Copy !req
497. The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
Copy !req
498. the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
Copy !req
499. wrapped round a large gold brick.
Copy !req
500. - Belgium. Hold it one second.
- Belgium.
Copy !req
501. Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
Copy !req
502. - Arthur.
- Right. Gorgeous.
Copy !req
503. No hard feelings, okay?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
Copy !req
504. - Earth.
- Yeah. I liked Earth.
Copy !req
505. Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
Copy !req
506. Because if you do... I'll pull your
spleen out through your throat.
Copy !req
507. - All right. Thanks, buddy.
- Okay.
Copy !req
508. Good stuff. Like those jammies.
Copy !req
509. Hey, hey, Zaphod,
what's with the two-head thing?
Copy !req
510. Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't be
president with a whole brain.
Copy !req
511. It's crazy.
Copy !req
512. - Oh, so you carved it up?
- Yes.
Copy !req
513. Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
Copy !req
514. You know what I'm talkin' about.
Copy !req
515. Your tea is ready.
Copy !req
516. I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea.
Copy !req
517. So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
Copy !req
518. I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
Copy !req
519. Or your own spaceship.
Copy !req
520. Anything else he's got two of?
Copy !req
521. Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
Copy !req
522. What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
Copy !req
523. I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
Copy !req
524. Okay, look. Do you see this?
Copy !req
525. This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
Copy !req
526. Enjoy your doughnut.
Copy !req
527. Do you see this?
Copy !req
528. This toasts bread
while you're slicing it.
Copy !req
529. We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
Copy !req
530. - I told you I wanted to get away.
- To Madagascar.
Copy !req
531. That was... some sort of test.
And I failed.
Copy !req
532. - How badly does it hurt?
- It doesn't feel great.
Copy !req
533. No, I mean your chin.
Copy !req
534. - Ah...
- I might have an aspirin.
Copy !req
535. Right.
Copy !req
536. Hey!
Copy !req
537. Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
Copy !req
538. - Please, don't.
- Showtime, Trill.
Copy !req
539. I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
Copy !req
540. Buttons aren't toys.
Copy !req
541. Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
Copy !req
542. that's when I realized
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
Copy !req
543. I think. It's all a little...
Copy !req
544. shaky.
Copy !req
545. I've seen it. It's rubbish.
Copy !req
546. I've seen it. It's rubbish.
Copy !req
547. Many millions of years ago,
Copy !req
548. a race of hyperintelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
Copy !req
549. got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
Copy !req
550. that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
Copy !req
551. to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
Copy !req
552. to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
Copy !req
553. O Deep Thought,
Copy !req
554. we want you to tell us the answer.
Copy !req
555. The answer to what?
Copy !req
556. The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
Copy !req
557. We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
Copy !req
558. Hmm, I'd have to think about that.
Copy !req
559. Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
Copy !req
560. - Is it finished?
- No, there's more. They go back.
Copy !req
561. - Seven-and-a-half million years later?
- That's right, they do.
Copy !req
562. Deep Thought, do you have...
Copy !req
563. An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
Copy !req
564. - It doesn't matter. We must know it.
- All right.
Copy !req
565. The answer to the ultimate question...
Copy !req
566. of life, the universe
and everything...
Copy !req
567. is...
Copy !req
568. 42.
Copy !req
569. Yeah? What?
Copy !req
570. 42?
Copy !req
571. Yes, I thought it over
quite thoroughly. It's 42.
Copy !req
572. It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
Copy !req
573. But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything!
Copy !req
574. That's not a question.
Copy !req
575. Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
Copy !req
576. - Give us the ultimate question then.
- I can't. But there is one who can.
Copy !req
577. A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
Copy !req
578. A computer of such infinite complexity,
Copy !req
579. that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
Copy !req
580. And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms,
Copy !req
581. and go down into the computer to
navigate its 10-million-year program.
Copy !req
582. I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
Copy !req
583. - That's it?
- That's it.
Copy !req
584. You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
Copy !req
585. I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
Copy !req
586. - Let's get it ready, baby.
- Why...
Copy !req
587. do you want to know
the ultimate question?
Copy !req
588. Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
Copy !req
589. but, uh, mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
Copy !req
590. You're President of the Galaxy.
Copy !req
591. - Yes, Arman.
- Arthur.
Copy !req
592. Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
Copy !req
593. I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
Copy !req
594. Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
Copy !req
595. We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
Copy !req
596. We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
Copy !req
597. - You in?
- Always.
Copy !req
598. - All right!
- Uh, I want to get off.
Copy !req
599. - Uh, sorry, what exactly are we doing?
- This!
Copy !req
600. The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
Copy !req
601. of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
Copy !req
602. without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
Copy !req
603. As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
Copy !req
604. it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
Copy !req
605. almost simultaneously.
Copy !req
606. So you're never sure
where you'll end up
Copy !req
607. or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
Copy !req
608. It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
Copy !req
609. The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
Copy !req
610. often used to break the ice at parties
Copy !req
611. by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
Copy !req
612. Ieap one foot to the left
Copy !req
613. in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
Copy !req
614. Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
Copy !req
615. partly because it debased science,
Copy !req
616. but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
Copy !req
617. Wow, is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
Copy !req
618. Very probably, yes.
Copy !req
619. Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
Copy !req
620. In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
Copy !req
621. Aw, come on!
Copy !req
622. We have normality.
Copy !req
623. Did it work? Are we there?
Copy !req
624. Yeah. We're here. Magrathea!
Copy !req
625. I don't think so. Eddie...
Copy !req
626. - Ow!
- What planet is this?
Copy !req
627. I'm checking for you.
Copy !req
628. Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
Copy !req
629. Thank you for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
Copy !req
630. but this is not Magrathea.
Copy !req
631. We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
Copy !req
632. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
633. Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
Copy !req
634. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
635. In the beginning,
the universe was created.
Copy !req
636. This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
Copy !req
637. Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
Copy !req
638. though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
Copy !req
639. firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
Copy !req
640. called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
Copy !req
641. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
642. The Jatravartids,
who lived in fear
Copy !req
643. of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
Copy !req
644. were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
Copy !req
645. They were unique in being
the only race in history
Copy !req
646. to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
Copy !req
647. Mr President!
Copy !req
648. Hey, all right. How you doin'?
Copy !req
649. Hey, what have we here? I love it!
Copy !req
650. Hey, I love you. Fantastic!
Copy !req
651. You guys related? Don't go changing.
Copy !req
652. Arthur, I want a drink.
Copy !req
653. I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
Copy !req
654. lxxie!
Copy !req
655. - I've been here before.
- Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
656. Come on.
Copy !req
657. Tricia! Tricia, I...
Copy !req
658. Now we await
with eager expectation
Copy !req
659. Thy handkerchief
to bring us back to Thee
Copy !req
660. Hello, Humma.
Copy !req
661. - join us. Sit down.
- Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
Copy !req
662. The handkerchief is coming.
Copy !req
663. Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion on us all.
Copy !req
664. So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
Copy !req
665. We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
Copy !req
666. in reverence to you.
Copy !req
667. Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
Copy !req
668. We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
Copy !req
669. Bless you.
Copy !req
670. We goin' in here?
Copy !req
671. All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
Copy !req
672. Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous President.
Copy !req
673. What brings you to our humble planet?
Copy !req
674. Oh, I think you know
why I'm here.
Copy !req
675. No, I don't think I do.
Copy !req
676. I think you think you don't.
But we both know... you do.
Copy !req
677. Eloquent as always.
Copy !req
678. Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
Copy !req
679. That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
Copy !req
680. when you were my opponent
running against me,
Copy !req
681. you said I was stupid.
Copy !req
682. The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
Copy !req
683. if memory serves, you won,
Copy !req
684. proving that good looks
and charm win
Copy !req
685. over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
Copy !req
686. And, incidentally, you are stupid.
Copy !req
687. Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir.
Copy !req
688. Uh, I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix up
Copy !req
689. 'cause, actually, he's not with us.
Copy !req
690. We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
Copy !req
691. He grew, didn't he. He's not that tall.
Copy !req
692. You didn't come half-way across the
galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
Copy !req
693. Why are you here?
Copy !req
694. Of course not,
that's, that's ridiculous.
Copy !req
695. I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years, I haven't been avoiding you.
Copy !req
696. You look great. You're doing well.
Copy !req
697. You've grown, obviously.
Copy !req
698. - Aggh! Oomph!
- Wait! We don't know why we're here.
Copy !req
699. We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
Copy !req
700. How very, very improbable.
Copy !req
701. I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
Copy !req
702. Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
Copy !req
703. But... even an lnfinite lmprobability
Drive requires coordinates.
Copy !req
704. Which I happen to have.
Copy !req
705. No, no, no.
Copy !req
706. You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
Copy !req
707. You must bring me something in return.
Copy !req
708. - Wh... What?
- A gun.
Copy !req
709. - A gun?
- A very special gun.
Copy !req
710. Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
Copy !req
711. But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
Copy !req
712. Fine. I'll get your gun.
just give me the coordinates.
Copy !req
713. And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
Copy !req
714. My word as President.
Copy !req
715. No. I need a hostage.
Copy !req
716. Only... what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
Copy !req
717. Come on.
Copy !req
718. Oh, no!
Copy !req
719. Hey, take it easy now.
Copy !req
720. No, stop it.
Ah! Oh, that kind of tickles.
Copy !req
721. Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
Copy !req
722. You need me!
Copy !req
723. Come back! Come back!
Don't leave me alone.
Copy !req
724. Come back!
Copy !req
725. I thought I alone
considered your boyfriend
Copy !req
726. a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
Copy !req
727. What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr Humma, sir."
Copy !req
728. "We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
Copy !req
729. Where the hell is Ford?
Copy !req
730. By the left, march.
Left, right, left, right.
Copy !req
731. Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
Copy !req
732. Fire upon the kidnapper!
Copy !req
733. Hey, come on!
Copy !req
734. The President is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him!
Copy !req
735. Bang! Bang!
Copy !req
736. It's locked!
Copy !req
737. Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
Copy !req
738. Come on, Zaphod.
Copy !req
739. - Hey, what did I miss?
- What have you been doing?
Copy !req
740. Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer!
Copy !req
741. They're shooting at us!
What are we going to do?
Copy !req
742. - I have an idea.
- Pushing him out and running away?
Copy !req
743. What? He's the one they want.
Copy !req
744. You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
745. - Back off!
- What's going on?
Copy !req
746. I have the President
and I will kill him, I swear.
Copy !req
747. - Could that actually kill him?
- I don't think so.
Copy !req
748. - It's an aerosol can.
- Oh.
Copy !req
749. Okay, frightened now,
frightened.
Copy !req
750. - Hi, little guy.
- Get her!
Copy !req
751. - Zaphod, no, come on!
- Arthur!
Copy !req
752. - Arthur!
- Tricia!
Copy !req
753. - Arthur!
- Tricia! Wait!
Copy !req
754. Arthur!
Copy !req
755. Resistance is useless!
Copy !req
756. Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
Copy !req
757. Where's the circus?
Copy !req
758. They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go!
Copy !req
759. Let's go!
Copy !req
760. Whoo! Computer, take us to Magrathea!
Copy !req
761. What? No, no, no.
We've got to go after Tricia.
Copy !req
762. - Who?
- Trillian.
Copy !req
763. They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git!
Copy !req
764. Right, you're coming out!
Copy !req
765. Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
Copy !req
766. I'd love to, but my
guidance system has been deactivated.
Copy !req
767. Oh, come on!
Copy !req
768. I'm sorry.
It wasn't my fault.
Copy !req
769. What you doing on this ship?
Copy !req
770. - Ford?
- Marvin.
Copy !req
771. I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
Copy !req
772. And?
Copy !req
773. It hates me.
Copy !req
774. No, uh-uh. Eddie, computer,
Copy !req
775. is there another way
to follow the ships?
Copy !req
776. Activating Emergency Escape
Pod. It's super-neat and fun to fly!
Copy !req
777. Ow!
Copy !req
778. Unbelievable!
Copy !req
779. I'm in. I'm in.
Okay, Ford, do you have any idea?
Copy !req
780. We'll press this.
Copy !req
781. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
782. - This button.
- Okay. Nothing's... Okay!
Copy !req
783. Good man, good man, good man.
Copy !req
784. - Okay, we're wobbling...
- You forgot your towel.
Copy !req
785. Get him off me! I'll kill him!
Copy !req
786. - Okay, Ford, there's a...
- Is that better?
Copy !req
787. No, that's worse, that's worse.
Copy !req
788. - Do what... I don't need that.
- Okay.
Copy !req
789. Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
Copy !req
790. I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
Copy !req
791. Thanks, Marv.
Copy !req
792. Ooh, ooh. Eee. Ooh, ooh.
Copy !req
793. Whoo!
Copy !req
794. Whee! Whee!
Copy !req
795. Yeah! Yeah!
Copy !req
796. - Magrathea!
- No, we're on the Vogon planet.
Copy !req
797. - Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!
- This is Vogsphere.
Copy !req
798. - Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
- No, it's not.
Copy !req
799. - There is no Magrathea.
- Yes, it is.
Copy !req
800. - What are you doing?
- They took my head.
Copy !req
801. They have these
on Arcturan megafreighters.
Copy !req
802. They use them when
they need to concentrate.
Copy !req
803. - What is it?
- It's a thinking cap.
Copy !req
804. There you go.
Copy !req
805. Should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
Copy !req
806. Now I'm feeling
much better about our predicament.
Copy !req
807. I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
Copy !req
808. It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
Copy !req
809. Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could... Ow!
Copy !req
810. - Did anyone see that?
- See what?
Copy !req
811. - What was it?
- Uh...
Copy !req
812. Nothing, it's, uh, nothing.
It's just my imagination.
Copy !req
813. Okay, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
Copy !req
814. There's... definitely
something going on here.
Copy !req
815. just... just watch.
Copy !req
816. just watch.
Copy !req
817. Okay, I think we...
Copy !req
818. - Oooh!
- Ah-ha! You too!
Copy !req
819. Yeah, what was that?
Copy !req
820. I thi...
Copy !req
821. Zaphod, what do you think?
Copy !req
822. I think... Ow! Zarquon!
What was that? jeez!
Copy !req
823. I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
Copy !req
824. - No one ever does.
- I have an idea.
Copy !req
825. Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!
Kill it! Get rid of it!
Copy !req
826. Okay, don't think.
Copy !req
827. Nobody think. No ideas.
Copy !req
828. No theories. No nothing.
Copy !req
829. Ow!
Copy !req
830. This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
Copy !req
831. - We need an idea to save her.
- I have an ide...
Copy !req
832. - Ah! Run!
- Yeeaaghh!
Copy !req
833. Ooh! Ah!
Copy !req
834. You're supposed to stop.
Copy !req
835. Okay, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
Copy !req
836. Okay, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
Copy !req
837. but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
Copy !req
838. Okay, where is she?
Copy !req
839. Who, the director of robot arm repair?
Copy !req
840. Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus
of... Blaard?
Copy !req
841. No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
Copy !req
842. Oh. Right.
Copy !req
843. Sorry, no record of Earth.
Copy !req
844. Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
Copy !req
845. - Oh, yes.
- She's lying.
Copy !req
846. She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
Copy !req
847. - Mmmm.
- Here we are. Earth.
Copy !req
848. Oh. Um, "destroyed."
Copy !req
849. Um, do you have
a second home planet?
Copy !req
850. - Destroyed? That's impossible.
- That's what it says here.
Copy !req
851. Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
Copy !req
852. Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
Copy !req
853. - He said the gray building, right?
- All the buildings are gray.
Copy !req
854. "Give me a hand." Ha-ha, very funny.
Copy !req
855. How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
Copy !req
856. Go and fill that in.
Copy !req
857. Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
Copy !req
858. Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
Copy !req
859. If you'd fill that form in for me,
Copy !req
860. and return it as soon as possible.
Copy !req
861. - Writing implements to your left...
- You're President. Can you do anything?
Copy !req
862. Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
Copy !req
863. Hey, how you doin'?
Copy !req
864. Hey, it's me, your President!
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
Copy !req
865. All right. I know that sponge.
All right!
Copy !req
866. - Next!
- President coming through.
Copy !req
867. How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
Copy !req
868. I love kabuki. Look at that.
Copy !req
869. Out the way.
Copy !req
870. Give us a kiss!
Copy !req
871. Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
Copy !req
872. Prisoner release form.
Copy !req
873. Oh, wha...?
Copy !req
874. I don't believe you.
Copy !req
875. These are the orders.
Copy !req
876. "Love and kisses"?
Copy !req
877. Mm. Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
Copy !req
878. the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
Copy !req
879. is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Copy !req
880. Good day.
Copy !req
881. Ow, get off of me!
Copy !req
882. Ow! What the hell is that?
Copy !req
883. Ow, no, wait, wait! There's been
some kind of mistake. Ah!
Copy !req
884. - Tick all the boxes on the right.
- Right. Got it.
Copy !req
885. Not that one!
Copy !req
886. What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
Copy !req
887. Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
Copy !req
888. Alternatively, if life
hasn 't been good to you so far,
Copy !req
889. which, given your current circumstances
seems more likely,
Copy !req
890. consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
Copy !req
891. Right, there we go.
Copy !req
892. Oh, kidnapping the President.
Copy !req
893. Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
Copy !req
894. Okay. Right.
Look, this is the President.
Copy !req
895. - Oh!
- Okay. See, there?
Copy !req
896. He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
Copy !req
897. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
898. She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
Copy !req
899. But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
Copy !req
900. Those are blue.
Copy !req
901. - I'll stay here.
- All right. Hold that. Okay. Wai...
Copy !req
902. Oh, he's hungry today.
Copy !req
903. That's blue. Right.
Copy !req
904. - I'm not a journalist.
- We're just hanging out.
Copy !req
905. Okay, this is, uh,
it's for Tricia McMillan.
Copy !req
906. Tricia McMillan. Mm. Okay.
Copy !req
907. Sir, it's a release form.
Copy !req
908. Thank you.
Copy !req
909. She's free to go.
Copy !req
910. Release her.
Copy !req
911. Zaphod's here.
Well, then, uh, that's fine then.
Copy !req
912. Let's just go and get him.
Copy !req
913. Who are we waiting for again?
Copy !req
914. No, I'm serious.
Copy !req
915. Tricia!
Copy !req
916. - Tricia.
- Trill.
Copy !req
917. - Hey, come on.
- You idiot!
Copy !req
918. You signed the order to destroy Earth.
Copy !req
919. - He did?
- I did?
Copy !req
920. Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod"?
You didn't even read it, did you?
Copy !req
921. Honey, I'm President of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
Copy !req
922. An entire planet, my home,
Copy !req
923. destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
Copy !req
924. - They framed me!
- Are you an idiot?
Copy !req
925. - Trillian.
- You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
Copy !req
926. - He threatened me.
- Get a backbone, Arthur.
Copy !req
927. Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea. Oh!
Copy !req
928. Stupid!
Copy !req
929. - Got your arm.
- How considerate.
Copy !req
930. Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
Copy !req
931. Oh, the President tests my patience.
Copy !req
932. This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
Copy !req
933. Fantastic. At last.
Copy !req
934. Oh. That's one hour for lunch,
everybody.
Copy !req
935. I think I'll have soup today.
Copy !req
936. The Encyclopedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
Copy !req
937. states that it is
far too complicated to define.
Copy !req
938. The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love.
Copy !req
939. "Avoid, if at all possible. "
Copy !req
940. Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
Copy !req
941. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Copy !req
942. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, come in.
Copy !req
943. I... I didn't...
Copy !req
944. Um, look, uh...
Copy !req
945. Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
Copy !req
946. I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
Copy !req
947. Um, for what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling...
Copy !req
948. - Can you hand me a towel?
- Yeah, sure, this...
Copy !req
949. Thank you.
Copy !req
950. Actually,
what I was going to say was...
Copy !req
951. if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
Copy !req
952. then neither of us would be here now.
Copy !req
953. I just thought that might
count for something.
Copy !req
954. It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
955. All right, computer, take us to...
Where are we... Where we headed again?
Copy !req
956. Okay, I'm gonna get you
another lemon.
Copy !req
957. All right.
Copy !req
958. Engaging Improbability Drive.
Copy !req
959. No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
Copy !req
960. Magrathean coordinates accepted.
Copy !req
961. It blows my circuits to tell you
Copy !req
962. that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
Copy !req
963. around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
Copy !req
964. Magrathea! Magrathea!
Copy !req
965. Magrathea!
Copy !req
966. Unbelievable.
Copy !req
967. lncredible.
Copy !req
968. It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
Copy !req
969. Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
Copy !req
970. The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
Copy !req
971. but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
Copy !req
972. If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
Copy !req
973. kindly do so at the tone.
Copy !req
974. - How can a planet be closed?
- Zarkin' A, cousin.
Copy !req
975. Okay, computer, keep going.
T ake us down.
Copy !req
976. I'd be happy to.
Copy !req
977. It is gratifying
that your enthusiasm
Copy !req
978. for our planet continues unabated.
Copy !req
979. As a token of our appreciation,
Copy !req
980. we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
Copy !req
981. we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
Copy !req
982. To ensure on-going quality of service,
Copy !req
983. your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
Copy !req
984. I'm delighted to tell you
Copy !req
985. there are two nuclear missiles
heading right for us.
Copy !req
986. If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
Copy !req
987. Something's jamming
my guidance system.
Copy !req
988. Impact minus 45 seconds.
Copy !req
989. Computer, do something!
Copy !req
990. Sure. Handing over
manual control. Good luck.
Copy !req
991. I need some help.
Copy !req
992. I can't do this without my third arm.
Copy !req
993. Arthur, grab my hand!
Copy !req
994. - Did we lose 'em?
- No, they're coming right at us.
Copy !req
995. - Why don't I just press this?
- No, we're not back to normal yet.
Copy !req
996. - What will happen?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
997. Don't do it! We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
Copy !req
998. - Sod it all.
- No!
Copy !req
999. Wow. Where are we?
Copy !req
1000. Exactly where we were.
Copy !req
1001. And the missiles?
Copy !req
1002. Apparently, they've turned...
into a bowl of petunias.
Copy !req
1003. And a very surprised-looking whale.
Copy !req
1004. And an improbability factor
of 8, 767, 128 to 1 against.
Copy !req
1005. We have norm... normality.
Copy !req
1006. Normality, right.
Copy !req
1007. We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
Copy !req
1008. - What is normal?
- What's home?
Copy !req
1009. What are cows?
Copy !req
1010. A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
Copy !req
1011. It is important to note that
suddenly, and against all probability,
Copy !req
1012. a sperm whale had been
called into existence
Copy !req
1013. several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
Copy !req
1014. Since this is not a tenable
position for a whale,
Copy !req
1015. this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
Copy !req
1016. This is what it thought as it fell;
Copy !req
1017. Ah, whoa, what's happening? Who am I?
Copy !req
1018. Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by who am I?
Copy !req
1019. Okay, Okay, calm down, get a grip now.
Copy !req
1020. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
Copy !req
1021. I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
Copy !req
1022. What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
Copy !req
1023. Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
Copy !req
1024. Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
Copy !req
1025. Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
Copy !req
1026. And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
Copy !req
1027. It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground!
Copy !req
1028. That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
Copy !req
1029. The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
Copy !req
1030. as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again!"
Copy !req
1031. Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
Copy !req
1032. we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
Copy !req
1033. What are those things?
Copy !req
1034. They're portals
to another dimension.
Copy !req
1035. Right. I don't suppose this
portal has central heating, does it?
Copy !req
1036. Ah, this is the one.
Copy !req
1037. This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
Copy !req
1038. Right here.
Copy !req
1039. Hey! Whoa!
Copy !req
1040. Okay, in we go!
Copy !req
1041. We can't just step into that... that!
We don't know where it leads.
Copy !req
1042. If we pick the wrong one,
Copy !req
1043. we just... we come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
Copy !req
1044. What? Yeah, it's a big biggie,
Ford. A big biggie.
Copy !req
1045. What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
Copy !req
1046. This is the right one. I have a hunch.
Copy !req
1047. - Ford!
- His hunches are good.
Copy !req
1048. Arthur, I say we go.
Copy !req
1049. Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?
Copy !req
1050. This is suicide!
Copy !req
1051. - I think I resent that.
- I don't care.
Copy !req
1052. I'm getting hostility
from you, Alex...
Copy !req
1053. - Arthur!
- Have you ever tried yoga?
Copy !req
1054. - Trillian!
- I think that's supposed to happen.
Copy !req
1055. She's gone!
Ford, she's gone!
Copy !req
1056. Arthur, don't panic!
Copy !req
1057. - Ford!
- Hey, wait for me!
Copy !req
1058. Whoo!
Copy !req
1059. Come on.
Copy !req
1060. Idiot! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
Copy !req
1061. Ahhh!
Copy !req
1062. No, no, no, don't leave.
Come on, come on, just start!
Copy !req
1063. I told you this would end in tears.
Copy !req
1064. Did you? Did you?
Copy !req
1065. Geronimo!
Copy !req
1066. Ooomph!
Copy !req
1067. Far out! Far out! Ha-ha!
Copy !req
1068. This is it. This is it!
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
Copy !req
1069. So, this is how
it's all going to end, is it?
Copy !req
1070. Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
Copy !req
1071. You think you've got problems.
Copy !req
1072. What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
Copy !req
1073. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1074. - Aaaaagghhh!
- Whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
1075. - Who are you?
- No, uh, my name is not important.
Copy !req
1076. Uh, you must come with me.
Copy !req
1077. - Get away.
- Terrible events are afoot.
Copy !req
1078. Um, you... you must come
or you'll be late.
Copy !req
1079. - Late? What for?
- What?
Copy !req
1080. No, no. What's...
what's your name, Earthman?
Copy !req
1081. - Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Well...
Copy !req
1082. late as in
"the late Dentarthurdent."
Copy !req
1083. It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
Copy !req
1084. - No.
- Your friends are safe.
Copy !req
1085. - You can trust me.
- A man who won't tell me his name?
Copy !req
1086. Okay, my name is, um...
Copy !req
1087. my name is... is...
is... Slartibartfast.
Copy !req
1088. I... I... I said it wasn't important.
Copy !req
1089. Well... so my friends are safe?
Copy !req
1090. Let me show you.
Copy !req
1091. I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
Copy !req
1092. Did you know we built planets?
Copy !req
1093. Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
Copy !req
1094. Doing the, um... doing the coastlines
was always my favorite.
Copy !req
1095. We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
Copy !req
1096. But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
Copy !req
1097. are a... are a bit of
a luxury commodity...
Copy !req
1098. Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
Copy !req
1099. Best laid plans of mice, you know.
Copy !req
1100. - And men.
- What?
Copy !req
1101. Best laid plans of mice and men.
Copy !req
1102. Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
Copy !req
1103. Um, I must warn you,
Copy !req
1104. we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
Copy !req
1105. - Huh?
- It may disturb you.
Copy !req
1106. It scares the willies out of me.
Copy !req
1107. Aghh! Aghh!
Copy !req
1108. Ha, ha, ha.
Welcome to our factory floor.
Copy !req
1109. Okay.
Copy !req
1110. All right. All right.
Copy !req
1111. Yeah, this is it.
Copy !req
1112. This is it.
Copy !req
1113. O great Deep Thought!
Copy !req
1114. We have traveled long...
Copy !req
1115. and far.
Copy !req
1116. Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
Copy !req
1117. the universe and everything?
Copy !req
1118. No.
Copy !req
1119. - What?
- I've been watching TV.
Copy !req
1120. Oh.
Copy !req
1121. I designed
another computer to do that.
Copy !req
1122. Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
Copy !req
1123. No, it's not here. It's another world.
Copy !req
1124. It's on another world.
Copy !req
1125. It is another world, stupid.
Copy !req
1126. Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
Copy !req
1127. to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
Copy !req
1128. Well... Okay.
Copy !req
1129. You sure you don't have the question,
Copy !req
1130. or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
Copy !req
1131. 'Cause I think I've done
a lot to get here.
Copy !req
1132. Oh, shh, shh. The show's back on.
Copy !req
1133. Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
Copy !req
1134. Great. I'm gonna go and find something
else for my entire life to be about.
Copy !req
1135. Zaphod, Zaphod,
there's the... the gun.
Copy !req
1136. - Gun?
- That Humma sent you for.
Copy !req
1137. - You gave him your head.
- Why'd I... Why'd I do that?
Copy !req
1138. - Okay.
- That's stupid.
Copy !req
1139. O Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
Copy !req
1140. - There you are.
- Hm?
Copy !req
1141. Look familiar?
Copy !req
1142. So it wasn't destroyed?
Copy !req
1143. Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark ll.
Copy !req
1144. So you... you made the Earth?
Copy !req
1145. Not me alone,
but I... I did my part.
Copy !req
1146. Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
Copy !req
1147. That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
Copy !req
1148. Oh, hoo!
Copy !req
1149. All right, Frank?
That's... that's Frank.
Copy !req
1150. Ah-ha. They...
they've nearly finished the oceans.
Copy !req
1151. Zaphod.
Copy !req
1152. Here, it's...
Copy !req
1153. it's just like Humma said.
Copy !req
1154. - Now you can go get your head back.
- Hey, Ford.
Copy !req
1155. It's been nice knowing you,
you zarking frood.
Copy !req
1156. No!
Copy !req
1157. - Whoa!
- This is a bust too.
Copy !req
1158. H... H... Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
Copy !req
1159. You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
Copy !req
1160. which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
Copy !req
1161. The Point-of-View Gun,
conveniently,
Copy !req
1162. does precisely what its name suggests.
Copy !req
1163. Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.
Copy !req
1164. If you point it at
someone and pull the trigger,
Copy !req
1165. they instantly see things
from your point of view.
Copy !req
1166. Give me that thing.
Copy !req
1167. It was designed by Deep Thought,
Copy !req
1168. but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
Copy !req
1169. who, after arguments
with their husbands,
Copy !req
1170. were sick of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
Copy !req
1171. "You just don't get it, do you?"
Copy !req
1172. Uh, uh, and you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
Copy !req
1173. because life goes on, you know,
Copy !req
1174. and I should just go on with it.
Copy !req
1175. Shoot him again.
Copy !req
1176. Whoa.
Copy !req
1177. Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
Copy !req
1178. - Say what?
- That is brilliant.
Copy !req
1179. What's goin'...?
Copy !req
1180. I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
Copy !req
1181. - We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
- Who cares?
Copy !req
1182. I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
Copy !req
1183. Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
Copy !req
1184. You wanna know why I'm edgy?
Copy !req
1185. Argh. Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
Copy !req
1186. and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
Copy !req
1187. Huh?
Copy !req
1188. Ugh! You actually wanted
to know the question
Copy !req
1189. because you always wondered
if there was more to life
Copy !req
1190. and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
Copy !req
1191. Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
Copy !req
1192. You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
Copy !req
1193. another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
Copy !req
1194. Huh? That's not true.
Copy !req
1195. And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
Copy !req
1196. Hey, whoops.
Copy !req
1197. Oh, baby doll.
Copy !req
1198. Give me that thing.
Copy !req
1199. It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
Copy !req
1200. It's okay.
It's only a couple of little mice!
Copy !req
1201. Voila!
Himalayas. Good, eh?
Copy !req
1202. Earthman, you must realize
Copy !req
1203. that the planet you lived on was
commissioned, paid for and run by mice.
Copy !req
1204. When you say mice, do you mean
the little furry white creatures
Copy !req
1205. with whiskers, ears, cheese?
Copy !req
1206. Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyperintelligent beings.
Copy !req
1207. I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
Copy !req
1208. but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
Copy !req
1209. I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
Copy !req
1210. Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
Copy !req
1211. but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
Copy !req
1212. Actually, this explains a lot.
Copy !req
1213. All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
Copy !req
1214. there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
Copy !req
1215. No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
Copy !req
1216. Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
Copy !req
1217. what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
Copy !req
1218. that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
Copy !req
1219. I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
Copy !req
1220. - And are you?
- Uh... no.
Copy !req
1221. That's where
it all falls down, of course.
Copy !req
1222. Here you are then.
Copy !req
1223. Is this...?
Copy !req
1224. It's, um... It's all there.
Copy !req
1225. You know, it all works.
Copy !req
1226. Welcome home.
Copy !req
1227. - Hey!
- Hey, man!
Copy !req
1228. - There you are!
- Surprise!
Copy !req
1229. What are you doing?
What happened to you?
Copy !req
1230. Is that tea?
Copy !req
1231. - First, our hosts attacked us.
- Right.
Copy !req
1232. But then they made up for it
by making us...
Copy !req
1233. this amazing meal.
Copy !req
1234. It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
Copy !req
1235. Oh, come on, that's lovely.
Copy !req
1236. We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
Copy !req
1237. The, um, talking... talking mice. Cool.
Copy !req
1238. - Sit, Earthman.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
Copy !req
1239. - Please, drink.
- Um, uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
1240. - Uh, is there anything else?
- No, we're quite happy, thank you.
Copy !req
1241. Um, good, I'll be outside, so...
Copy !req
1242. You were right.
Copy !req
1243. - Please, drink.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1244. He was right.
Copy !req
1245. Now, to business.
Copy !req
1246. To business!
Copy !req
1247. Eat!
Copy !req
1248. - Shh.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
1249. We've spent a lot of time
on your planet
Copy !req
1250. Iooking for this ultimate question.
Copy !req
1251. Only to have it blow up
in our faces. Literally.
Copy !req
1252. Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
Copy !req
1253. to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
Copy !req
1254. But here's the point.
We must have product.
Copy !req
1255. We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
Copy !req
1256. - Of course.
- We've rebuilt the planet.
Copy !req
1257. Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
Copy !req
1258. - Which happens to be your brain.
- Right.
Copy !req
1259. More tea?
Copy !req
1260. Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
Copy !req
1261. Yes, to complete the program.
Copy !req
1262. You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
Copy !req
1263. - Hardly.
- Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.
Copy !req
1264. Zaphod! Trillian!
Copy !req
1265. Ford.
Copy !req
1266. What was in that food?
Copy !req
1267. What was in my tea?
Copy !req
1268. Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
Copy !req
1269. just wait a sodding minute.
Copy !req
1270. You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
Copy !req
1271. What about, what's 6x7?
Copy !req
1272. Or, um, uh, how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
Copy !req
1273. Here's one:. How many roads
must a man walk down?
Copy !req
1274. Hey, that's not bad.
Copy !req
1275. Fine. Fine, take it, 'cause my head
is filled with questions,
Copy !req
1276. and no answer to any one of them
Copy !req
1277. has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
Copy !req
1278. Except for one.
Copy !req
1279. The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
Copy !req
1280. Is she the one?
Copy !req
1281. The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
Copy !req
1282. Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
Copy !req
1283. And for one week,
Copy !req
1284. one week in my sad little...
blip of an existence...
Copy !req
1285. it made me happy.
Copy !req
1286. That's a good answer.
Copy !req
1287. We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
Copy !req
1288. - What's this "Is she the one" tripe?
- Take his brain!
Copy !req
1289. No, don't take the brain!
Don't take the brain, mice!
Copy !req
1290. It wasn't me!
Copy !req
1291. I'm famous.
Copy !req
1292. Shoot him, quickly, shoot him!
Copy !req
1293. Oh, bollocks!
Copy !req
1294. Agghh!
Copy !req
1295. I'm gonna be sick.
Copy !req
1296. Belgium.
Copy !req
1297. Follow me.
Copy !req
1298. Left, right, left, right.
Copy !req
1299. Attention!
Copy !req
1300. Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
Copy !req
1301. Though I can't say I blame you.
Copy !req
1302. Mr President,
we're here for your protection.
Copy !req
1303. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
Copy !req
1304. Fire!
Copy !req
1305. No! No!
Copy !req
1306. What's all the fuss about?
Copy !req
1307. Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy. Ooh.
Copy !req
1308. - For God's sake, stop!
- Cease fire.
Copy !req
1309. Now I've got a headache...
headache... headache...
Copy !req
1310. Marvin!
Copy !req
1311. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1312. He's got a towel, run away!
Copy !req
1313. I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
Copy !req
1314. We need that gun.
Copy !req
1315. Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start!
Copy !req
1316. Come on. Oh, fire, fire!
Copy !req
1317. Fire, fire!
Copy !req
1318. Oo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
Copy !req
1319. He's locked it
from the other side.
Copy !req
1320. We'll have to go the other way.
Copy !req
1321. Come on, let's go!
Copy !req
1322. Stop!
Copy !req
1323. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1324. Stop it! Stop it!
Stop shooting at us!
Copy !req
1325. Oh, I feel so depressed.
Copy !req
1326. I can't face another day.
Copy !req
1327. What's the point?
Copy !req
1328. - You all right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1329. Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
Copy !req
1330. Marvin, you saved our lives.
Copy !req
1331. I know. Wretched, isn't it?
Copy !req
1332. You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
Copy !req
1333. Take it away.
Copy !req
1334. You could do all of that, but it's not
gonna... Well, I'll ask... I'll just ask.
Copy !req
1335. I... I... I've just been informed
by some of the lads
Copy !req
1336. that since we're so near completion,
Copy !req
1337. we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
Copy !req
1338. Oh.
Copy !req
1339. We, well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
Copy !req
1340. Unless there's, um...
Copy !req
1341. there's, you know,
anything you want to change.
Copy !req
1342. Something you think
your planet could do without.
Copy !req
1343. Yeah. Me.
Copy !req
1344. Oh! Um, hello?
Copy !req
1345. No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
Copy !req
1346. Let's go somewhere.
Copy !req
1347. Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
Copy !req
1348. I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
Copy !req
1349. I am a little peckish.
Copy !req
1350. I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
Copy !req
1351. - I think. I'm so confused.
- Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
Copy !req
1352. All right, let's trip the
light fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
Copy !req
1353. Come on.
Copy !req
1354. - You got your towel?
- Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
Copy !req
1355. - Only always.
- Right. Yeah.
Copy !req
1356. I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel.
Copy !req
1357. Okay. Hold tight.
Copy !req
1358. Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
Copy !req
1359. All right! Whoo!
Copy !req
1360. Not that
anyone cares what I say,
Copy !req
1361. but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
Copy !req
1362. So long and thanks for all the fish
Copy !req
1363. So sad that it should come to this
Copy !req
1364. We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
Copy !req
1365. You may not share our intellect
Copy !req
1366. Which might explain your disrespect
Copy !req
1367. For all the natural wonders
that grow around you
Copy !req
1368. So long, so long
and thanks... for all the fish
Copy !req
1369. The world's about to be destroyed
Copy !req
1370. There's no point getting all annoyed
Copy !req
1371. Lie back and let the planet dissolve
Copy !req
1372. Despite those nets of tuna fleets
Copy !req
1373. We thought that most of you were sweet
Copy !req
1374. Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
Copy !req
1375. So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
Copy !req
1376. So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
Copy !req
1377. So long, so long
and thanks... for all the fish
Copy !req
1378. Yeah!
Copy !req
1379. Play it!
Copy !req
1380. So long and thanks for all the fish
Copy !req
1381. So sad that it should come to this
Copy !req
1382. We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear
Copy !req
1383. Oh, dear
Copy !req
1384. Despite those nets of tuna fleets
Copy !req
1385. We thought that most of you were sweet
Copy !req
1386. Especially tiny tots
and your pregnant women
Copy !req
1387. So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
Copy !req
1388. So long, so long,
so long, so long, so long
Copy !req
1389. So long, so long
and thanks for all the fish
Copy !req
1390. For all the fish
Copy !req
1391. It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
Copy !req
1392. But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
Copy !req
1393. For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
Copy !req
1394. "I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel"
Copy !req
1395. a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
Copy !req
1396. and carried his words far,
far back in time,
Copy !req
1397. across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
Copy !req
1398. where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
Copy !req
1399. of frightful interstellar battle.
Copy !req
1400. The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jeweled battle shorts
Copy !req
1401. were meeting for the last time,
Copy !req
1402. when a dreadful silence fell.
Copy !req
1403. And at that very moment,
Copy !req
1404. the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
Copy !req
1405. drifted across the conference table.
Copy !req
1406. Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
Copy !req
1407. this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
Copy !req
1408. So the opposing battle fleets
Copy !req
1409. decided to settle
their remaining differences,
Copy !req
1410. in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
Copy !req
1411. now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
Copy !req
1412. For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
Copy !req
1413. the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
Copy !req
1414. where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
Copy !req
1415. the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Copy !req
1416. Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
Copy !req
1417. in the history of the universe,
Copy !req
1418. say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.
Copy !req