1. It's an important and popular fact
Copy !req
2. that things are not always
what they seem.
Copy !req
3. For instance, on the planet Earth,
man had always assumed
Copy !req
4. that he was the most intelligent
species occupying the planet,
Copy !req
5. instead of the third most intelligent.
Copy !req
6. The second most intelligent creatures
were dolphins, who, curiously enough,
Copy !req
7. had long known of the impending
destruction of the planet Earth.
Copy !req
8. They'd made many attempts
to alert mankind,
Copy !req
9. but most of their communications
were misinterpreted
Copy !req
10. as amusing attempts to punch footballs
or whistle for tidbits.
Copy !req
11. So they eventually decided they would
leave Earth by their own means.
Copy !req
12. The last ever dolphin message
was misinterpreted
Copy !req
13. as a sophisticated attempt
to do a backward somersault
Copy !req
14. through a hoop, whistling
The Star-Spangled Banner.
Copy !req
15. In fact, the message was this:
Copy !req
16. "So long and thanks for all the fish."
Copy !req
17. The extraordinary story
of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Copy !req
18. begins very simply.
Copy !req
19. It begins with a man.
Copy !req
20. Ooh!
Copy !req
21. An Earthman, to be precise,
Copy !req
22. who no more knows his destiny
Copy !req
23. than a tea leaf knows the history
of the East India Company.
Copy !req
24. His name is Arthur Dent.
Copy !req
25. He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall
ape descendant
Copy !req
26. and someone is trying to drive
a bypass through his house.
Copy !req
27. What do I want you to do about it?
Find him
Copy !req
28. and tell him I'm currently lying
flat on my back in front of...
Copy !req
29. Fine, I'll hold.
Copy !req
30. You can't lie in front
of the bulldozers forever.
Copy !req
31. I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.
Copy !req
32. This bypass has got to be built
and it is going to be built.
Copy !req
33. - Why has it got to be built?
- It's a bypass.
Copy !req
34. You've got to build bypasses. Besides,
you should've protested months ago.
Copy !req
35. The plans have been on display
at the planning office for a year.
Copy !req
36. On display?
I had to go down to a cellar.
Copy !req
37. Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much
damage this bulldozer would suffer
Copy !req
38. if I just let it roll straight over you?
Copy !req
39. - How much?
- None at all.
Copy !req
40. By a strange coincidence,
none at all
Copy !req
41. is exactly how much suspicion
the ape-descendant Arthur had
Copy !req
42. that one of his closest friends
Copy !req
43. was not descended from an ape,
but was, in fact, from a small planet
Copy !req
44. somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.
Copy !req
45. Arthur! Arthur!
Copy !req
46. - Ford!
- Yes?
Copy !req
47. Here.
Copy !req
48. Ah, there you are!
Copy !req
49. Eat, drink. We gotta talk.
Copy !req
50. Now's not the best time.
They're going to demolish my home.
Copy !req
51. Whoa! You already...
You already know? How?
Copy !req
52. What do you m...?
Copy !req
53. Oh, they, they? When you say
"they" you mean they? Got it.
Copy !req
54. Listen. I got somethin' important
I gotta tell you. Right now.
Copy !req
55. Well, what about my house?
Copy !req
56. Workers of the Earth, I bring
good tidings of peanuts and beer!
Copy !req
57. - Good. Let's go to the pub.
- Huh?
Copy !req
58. They won't demolish it
until they've finished the beers.
Copy !req
59. - Can we trust 'em?
- To the end of the Earth.
Copy !req
60. - How far's that?
- About 12 minutes away.
Copy !req
61. Huh?
Copy !req
62. Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly.
The world's about to end.
Copy !req
63. Six pints coming up.
Copy !req
64. Keep the change.
You got about ten minutes to spend it.
Copy !req
65. Three pints each? At lunchtime?
Copy !req
66. Sorry. Ah. Time is an illusion.
Copy !req
67. Lunchtime, doubly so.
Copy !req
68. And eat those peanuts
because you'll need the salt.
Copy !req
69. - Look, what is going on, Ford?
- Arthur...
Copy !req
70. What if I told you
I really wasn't from Guildford?
Copy !req
71. I was from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
Copy !req
72. Is that something
you're likely to say?
Copy !req
73. Remember when we met?
Copy !req
74. Out the way!
Copy !req
75. - Oof!
- Hi.
Copy !req
76. Wasn't it strange I was trying
to shake hands with a car?
Copy !req
77. I assumed you were drunk.
Copy !req
78. I thought cars were the dominant
life form. I was introducing myself.
Copy !req
79. You saved my life. And now
I'm saving yours. Please drink.
Copy !req
80. It must be Thursday. I could never get
the hang of Thursdays.
Copy !req
81. - If this is about your house...
- No, it's not about the house.
Copy !req
82. - Who's he?
- She. She.
Copy !req
83. Tricia McMillan.
We met at a fancy-dress party.
Copy !req
84. I hate those kind of parties.
Copy !req
85. I'd rather have stayed at home
and ironed my hankies.
Copy !req
86. - But there I was.
- Who are you?
Copy !req
87. - Oh!
- And there she was.
Copy !req
88. - Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Oh, no. I mean, who are you?
Copy !req
89. Oh, the costume? Right.
"Livingstone, I presume!"
Copy !req
90. Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin,
but the best I could do at short notice.
Copy !req
91. You're the first to get that right.
Copy !req
92. - Really?
- Yes. Everyone calls me Santa.
Copy !req
93. - Right.
- I thought the beagle was a giveaway.
Copy !req
94. So did I.
Copy !req
95. People at these parties
are drunken idiots.
Copy !req
96. What?
Copy !req
97. All these people
are idiots! God!
Copy !req
98. That's awkward.
Copy !req
99. Tell me.
Copy !req
100. She was amazing though, Ford.
Copy !req
101. Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.
Copy !req
102. Uh, without the beard,
you look at least 80 years younger.
Copy !req
103. Maybe I'm de-evolving.
Copy !req
104. Well, I should tell you
that I do not date
Copy !req
105. single-celled organisms, OK?
Copy !req
106. Let's go somewhere.
Copy !req
107. Yeah. Definitely.
Um, where do you have in mind?
Copy !req
108. - Madagascar.
- Is that that new club on Dean Street?
Copy !req
109. No, it's a country
off the coast of Africa.
Copy !req
110. That Madagascar?
Why are we waiting here?
Copy !req
111. Wait a sec.
Copy !req
112. Go.
Copy !req
113. God, you're serious.
Um, I can't go to Madagascar.
Copy !req
114. - Why not?
- Because, I just, you know...
Copy !req
115. - You're serious?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
116. I want to go somewhere I've never been
and I'd like to go with you, so...
Copy !req
117. what do you say, Dr. Livingstone?
Copy !req
118. I say that's
an extraordinary proposition.
Copy !req
119. I can't go. I mean, I've got a job.
Copy !req
120. Quit. Get a new one
when you come back.
Copy !req
121. I don't even know your real name.
Ow! Ow!
Copy !req
122. - Tricia McMillan.
- Well, Tricia McMillan.
Copy !req
123. Um, I have a proposition for you.
Copy !req
124. Why don't we go somewhere
a little closer first,
Copy !req
125. say Cornwall,
Copy !req
126. and we'll see how it goes.
Copy !req
127. Right, of course, Cornwall.
Copy !req
128. Hey, excuse me.
Copy !req
129. Is this guy boring you?
Copy !req
130. Why don't you talk to me instead?
Copy !req
131. I'm from a different planet.
Copy !req
132. It's true. You want to see my spaceship?
Copy !req
133. "Do you want to see my spaceship?"
What kind of chat-up line is that?
Copy !req
134. Mm, that does happen.
Copy !req
135. Speaking of...
Copy !req
136. We've got two minutes.
Drink up.
Copy !req
137. That's my house.
Copy !req
138. People of Earth, a round of drinks,
for everyone, on me.
Copy !req
139. You really think
the world's going to end?
Copy !req
140. Yes.
Copy !req
141. Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper
bag over our heads, or something?
Copy !req
142. - If you like.
- Will it help?
Copy !req
143. Not at all. See you.
Copy !req
144. Last orders.
Copy !req
145. - What is that?
- Run!
Copy !req
146. Look out!
Copy !req
147. Aha! Towel!
Copy !req
148. Arthur!
Copy !req
149. What the hell are those things?
Copy !req
150. Yeow! They're ships
from a Vogon constructor fleet.
Copy !req
151. I picked up their signal this morning.
You'll need this.
Copy !req
152. - What are you doing?
- We're hitching a ride.
Copy !req
153. Um, people of Earth,
Copy !req
154. this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the
Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.
Copy !req
155. As you are probably aware,
Copy !req
156. plans for the development
of the outlying regions of the galaxy
Copy !req
157. involve the building of a hyperspace
express route through your star system.
Copy !req
158. And your planet is one
of those scheduled for demolition.
Copy !req
159. There's no point
acting surprised about it.
Copy !req
160. The plans have been on display
Copy !req
161. at your local planning office
in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
Copy !req
162. If you can't be bothered with
local affairs, that's your lookout.
Copy !req
163. Apathetic bloody planet.
Copy !req
164. I've no sympathy at all.
Copy !req
165. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Copy !req
166. is a wholly remarkable book.
Copy !req
167. Perhaps the most remarkable,
certainly the most successful,
Copy !req
168. ever to come out of the great publishing
corporations of Ursa Minor.
Copy !req
169. More popular than
The Celestial Homecare Omnibus,
Copy !req
170. better selling than
53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity,
Copy !req
171. and more controversial than
Oolon Colluphid's trilogy
Copy !req
172. of philosophical blockbusters,
Where God Went Wrong,
Copy !req
173. Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes,
Copy !req
174. and Who Is This God Person Anyway?
Copy !req
175. It's already supplanted
The Encyclopedia Galactica
Copy !req
176. as the standard repository
of all knowledge and wisdom
Copy !req
177. for two important reasons.
Copy !req
178. First, it's slightly cheaper,
Copy !req
179. and second, it has the words
"Don't Panic"
Copy !req
180. printed in large,
friendly letters on its cover.
Copy !req
181. So you're not from Guildford?
Copy !req
182. Which would explain the accent,
which I've always wondered about.
Copy !req
183. Um, you're not an out-of-work actor,
Copy !req
184. but rather a writer for this...
this book thing.
Copy !req
185. Good, huh?
Copy !req
186. I don't feel well.
I need a cup of tea.
Copy !req
187. If I asked where we were,
would I regret it?
Copy !req
188. - We're safe for now.
- Good.
Copy !req
189. We're in the washroom on one of the
ships of the Vogon constructor fleet.
Copy !req
190. - Oh, get me home, Ford.
- Arthur, your home is...
Copy !req
191. Oh, God, my home.
My home was demolished.
Copy !req
192. You don't remember.
Copy !req
193. OK, Arthur, I've got
something to tell you.
Copy !req
194. It's unfortunate, but it's true.
Copy !req
195. Your home planet has been blown up.
Copy !req
196. Huh, blown up.
Copy !req
197. Couldn't you have done something?
Copy !req
198. I saved your life.
OK, that makes us even.
Copy !req
199. It's a tough galaxy. If you want
to survive out here, you've...
Copy !req
200. gotta know where your towel is.
Copy !req
201. OK, give me a hand over here.
Copy !req
202. Careful. It's hot.
We've gotta get off this ship.
Copy !req
203. Before the Vogons find us.
Copy !req
204. Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull.
Copy !req
205. Huh?
Copy !req
206. - Now we'll get a signal.
- What is a Vogon?
Copy !req
207. Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons".
Copy !req
208. Vogons.
Copy !req
209. Vogons are one of the
most unpleasant races in the galaxy.
Copy !req
210. Not evil, but bad-tempered,
bureaucratic, officious and callous.
Copy !req
211. They wouldn't even lift a finger
to save their own grandmothers
Copy !req
212. from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast
of Traal without orders
Copy !req
213. signed in triplicate,
sent in, sent back,
Copy !req
214. queried, lost, found,
subjected to public inquiry,
Copy !req
215. lost again and finally buried
in soft peat for three months
Copy !req
216. and recycled as firelighters.
Copy !req
217. On no account should you allow
a Vogon to read poetry to you.
Copy !req
218. They can't think or imagine.
Most can't spell. They just run things.
Copy !req
219. Hmm?
Copy !req
220. And if we don't get a ride soon,
Copy !req
221. we won't need the Guide to tell us
how unpleasant the Vogons are.
Copy !req
222. They've already destroyed
a planet today.
Copy !req
223. That always makes them a little "eeee!"
Copy !req
224. Ughh! What is that?
Copy !req
225. - Put this in your ear.
- Huh?
Copy !req
226. We have unwittingly
picked up a couple of hitchhikers.
Copy !req
227. The fish is translating for you.
Copy !req
228. The Babel fish
is small, yellow, leech-like,
Copy !req
229. and probably the oddest thing
in the universe.
Copy !req
230. It feeds on brainwave energy,
absorbing unconscious frequencies,
Copy !req
231. and excreting a matrix
of conscious frequencies
Copy !req
232. to the speech centers of the brain.
Copy !req
233. The practical upshot of which is that,
if you stick one in your ear,
Copy !req
234. you instantly understand
anything said to you in any language.
Copy !req
235. Resistance is useless.
Copy !req
236. - All right.
- Someone's coming.
Copy !req
237. Here we go. Look lively.
Copy !req
238. Wheee!
Copy !req
239. Ha, ha!
Copy !req
240. - Hmmm.
- Sir.
Copy !req
241. - What?
- Hitchhikers.
Copy !req
242. "O freddled gruntbuggly..."
Copy !req
243. No, really, you don't have to read.
Copy !req
244. We've put you through
enough trouble already.
Copy !req
245. "... as plerdled gabbleblotchits
on a lurgid bee."
Copy !req
246. Vogon poetry is widely accepted
as the third worst in the universe.
Copy !req
247. The second worst
is that of the Azgoths of Kria.
Copy !req
248. During a recitation by their
Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent,
Copy !req
249. of his poem
Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty
Copy !req
250. I Found in My Armpit
One Midsummer Morning,
Copy !req
251. four of his audience
died of internal hemorrhaging,
Copy !req
252. and the President of the
Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council
Copy !req
253. survived by gnawing
one of his own legs off.
Copy !req
254. "Or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts..."
Copy !req
255. "... with my blurgle..."
Copy !req
256. The absolute worst poetry was
by Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex.
Copy !req
257. Luckily, it was destroyed
when the Earth was.
Copy !req
258. "See if I don't." Yeah.
Copy !req
259. So, Earthlings,
I present you with a choice.
Copy !req
260. Either die in the vacuum of space,
Copy !req
261. or tell me what you thought of my poem.
Copy !req
262. A... a... actually, I rather liked it.
Copy !req
263. - Hmm?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
264. - That's good. Run with it.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
265. Uh, some of the words
I didn't understand,
Copy !req
266. but I found the imagery quite effective.
Copy !req
267. Continue.
Copy !req
268. Well, uh, yes,
interesting rhythmic devices,
Copy !req
269. which seemed to counterpoint
Copy !req
270. the underlying metaphor
of the humanity of...
Copy !req
271. - Vogonity!
- Vogonity, sorry. Vogonity...
Copy !req
272. of the poet's soul.
Copy !req
273. So what you're saying is,
Copy !req
274. I write poetry because
Copy !req
275. underneath this mean,
callous, heartless exterior,
Copy !req
276. I just want to be loved?
Copy !req
277. Yes, yes, yes.
Copy !req
278. Yes, yes, yeah, please.
Copy !req
279. Ahh, ooh, ooh, mmm.
Copy !req
280. Throw them off the ship!
Copy !req
281. - No! No!
- Ford.
Copy !req
282. Ahh!
Copy !req
283. All right! All right!
Copy !req
284. Resistance is useless!
Copy !req
285. Shut up! Get a job!
Wash your filthy hands!
Copy !req
286. Don't panic. Don't panic.
Copy !req
287. So this is it?
Copy !req
288. We're going to die?
Copy !req
289. Yeah, we're gonna die.
Copy !req
290. No, no, what's this?
Copy !req
291. What is this?
Copy !req
292. What's this? This is... nothing.
Yeah, we're gonna die.
Copy !req
293. You're sweating.
Copy !req
294. - Would you like a hug?
- No.
Copy !req
295. "Space," says the introduction
to The Hitchhiker's Guide,
Copy !req
296. "is big. Really big.
Copy !req
297. You just won't believe how vastly,
hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is."
Copy !req
298. A... a... and so on.
Copy !req
299. It also says that
if you hold a lungful of air,
Copy !req
300. you can survive in the total vacuum
of space for about 30 seconds.
Copy !req
301. But with space being really big and all,
Copy !req
302. the chances of being picked up
within that time
Copy !req
303. are two to the power of two billion,
Copy !req
304. 79 million, 460 thousand,
Copy !req
305. 347 to one against.
Copy !req
306. By a staggering coincidence,
Copy !req
307. it's also the phone number
of the Islington flat,
Copy !req
308. where Arthur went to a fancy dress party
Copy !req
309. and met a very nice young woman
whom he totally blew it with.
Copy !req
310. Though the planet Earth,
the Islington flat and telephone
Copy !req
311. have all now been demolished, Ford
and Arthur were, in fact, rescued.
Copy !req
312. - Ford?
- Yes.
Copy !req
313. - I think I'm a sofa.
- I know how you feel.
Copy !req
314. So much for the laws of physics.
Copy !req
315. And our top story.
Copy !req
316. The sensational theft of the most
coveted ship in the universe,
Copy !req
317. the starship Heart of Gold.
Copy !req
318. Stolen at the launch ceremony
by none other
Copy !req
319. than Galactic President
Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Copy !req
320. In the name of people, freedom,
and, uh... democracy, stuff like that,
Copy !req
321. I hereby kidnap myself
and I'm taking the ship with me. Whoo!
Copy !req
322. - Come on!
Copy !req
323. Beeblebrox,
universally considered
Copy !req
324. to be the dimmest star
in several solar systems,
Copy !req
325. is most famous for his controversial
defeat of Humma Kavula
Copy !req
326. who claimed many thought they were
voting for the worst-dressed being
Copy !req
327. in the universe contest.
Copy !req
328. Great.
Copy !req
329. Kavula is best remembered
for his slanderous
Copy !req
330. "Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign.
Copy !req
331. Put your ego aside.
Something important has happened.
Copy !req
332. If there's anything more important than
my ego, I want it caught and shot now.
Copy !req
333. Come on, I love it.
Copy !req
334. Zaphod's just this guy, you know.
Copy !req
335. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What d'you...?
Copy !req
336. - I was just watching myself.
- We have a couple of hitchhikers.
Copy !req
337. Hitchhikers?
Why'd you pick up hitchhikers?
Copy !req
338. I didn't. The ship did.
Copy !req
339. What? Wh... wh... Say what?
Copy !req
340. When we engaged the
lmprobability Drive... The big button.
Copy !req
341. - I know.
- They were picked up here.
Copy !req
342. In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait.
That's where you picked me up.
Copy !req
343. - On Earth.
- That's impossible.
Copy !req
344. - No, just very improbable.
- Listen. I don't have time for this.
Copy !req
345. We've got the police of half the galaxy
after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers.
Copy !req
346. So ten out of ten for style, but...
Copy !req
347. minus several million
for good thinking.
Copy !req
348. You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it.
You drive me crazy.
Copy !req
349. Don't. I'll send Marvin.
Copy !req
350. Marvin.
Copy !req
351. You ought to know,
I'm feeling very depressed.
Copy !req
352. Well, we have something
that should take your mind off things.
Copy !req
353. It won't work.
I have an exceptionally large mind.
Copy !req
354. Yeah, we know. But we need you to go
down to the number two entry bay
Copy !req
355. and pick up our stowaways
and bring them up here.
Copy !req
356. Just that? I won't enjoy it.
Copy !req
357. Yeah, well, that's life.
Copy !req
358. Life?
Don't talk to me about life.
Copy !req
359. - Commander Kwaltz.
- Yes.
Copy !req
360. We have located the spaceship
Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox.
Copy !req
361. - Where?
- Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.
Copy !req
362. Requesting hyperspace clearance.
Copy !req
363. Hold your position, captain,
until clearance is granted.
Copy !req
364. - Yes, sir.
- Get me Vice-President Questular.
Copy !req
365. Hyperspace permission granted, captain.
Copy !req
366. Here we go.
Copy !req
367. I think that door just sighed.
Copy !req
368. Ghastly, isn't it?
Copy !req
369. All the doors have been programmed
Copy !req
370. to have a cheerful
and sunny disposition.
Copy !req
371. Anyway, come on. I've been ordered
to take you up to the bridge.
Copy !req
372. Please yourselves.
Copy !req
373. Here I am,
brain the size of a planet,
Copy !req
374. and they ask me to take you
up to the bridge.
Copy !req
375. Call that job satisfaction?
'Cause I don't.
Copy !req
376. You can thank
the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation
Copy !req
377. for building robots with G.P.P.
Copy !req
378. - What's G.P.P.?
- Genuine People Personalities.
Copy !req
379. I'm a personality prototype.
You can tell, can't you?
Copy !req
380. Arthur?
Copy !req
381. Hey, Slim, are you wearing
my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours.
Copy !req
382. And they ain't doing the trick.
Come on. All right.
Copy !req
383. Oh, for heaven's sake.
Copy !req
384. I've brought the aliens.
Don't thank me or anything.
Copy !req
385. Ah-ha! Ow!
Copy !req
386. Freeze!
Copy !req
387. Freeze?
I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator.
Copy !req
388. - I wasn't talking to you, Giggles.
- Oh, why do I bother?
Copy !req
389. - Zaphod?
- Ford!
Copy !req
390. Is that you?
Ford! Praxibetel lx!
Copy !req
391. What the hell are you doing here?
Copy !req
392. I just stuck out my thumb and here I am.
Copy !req
393. - That is so you.
- Look at you!
Copy !req
394. President of the Galaxy.
I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula.
Copy !req
395. You zarkin' frood.
Copy !req
396. I want you to meet a friend.
Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Copy !req
397. Oh.
Copy !req
398. President of the Galaxy. This is my
cousin. He's a semi-half-brother...
Copy !req
399. - We share three of the same mothers.
- We've met.
Copy !req
400. Have we? I'm sorry.
I've got a terrible memory for species.
Copy !req
401. This is him, Ford. The "would you
like to see my spaceship" bloke.
Copy !req
402. - Hmm.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
403. - Hello, Arthur.
- Tricia!
Copy !req
404. - How you doin'?
- Hey, Trillian.
Copy !req
405. This is my semi-half-brother lx,
I'm sorry, Ford.
Copy !req
406. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
407. Um, would you excuse us
for a second, please?
Copy !req
408. You went down on that little planet
and didn't call me?
Copy !req
409. Sorry, I didn't know.
I had a galaxy to run.
Copy !req
410. Hi, Tricia McMillan, right?
Copy !req
411. I think he called you Trillian.
Which of us got the right one?
Copy !req
412. I shortened it.
Something a little more spacey.
Copy !req
413. Right. I was thinking
of changing mine to,
Copy !req
414. I don't know, Arthoolia.
Copy !req
415. That's a good one.
Well, this is weird.
Copy !req
416. - How'd you get here?
- I just stuck out my thumb.
Copy !req
417. - Right. In your pajamas?
- I was in a hurry.
Copy !req
418. OK. Did you know I was here?
Copy !req
419. Don't flatter yourself.
I've got a spaceman too.
Copy !req
420. Yeah, that's kinda like
the Dingo Shuffle, yeah.
Copy !req
421. OK, um, look.
Copy !req
422. I left you at the party. I feel bad, but
I was gonna call you when I got back.
Copy !req
423. Well, there is no
going back now, is there?
Copy !req
424. You do know what happened?
Copy !req
425. Enough small talk.
We're on the run, remember?
Copy !req
426. Excuse me, we're having a chat.
Copy !req
427. Well, I think the girl's getting...
Boo!
Copy !req
428. You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut
your face or I'll kick you in the zatch.
Copy !req
429. - You wanna fight?
- OK.
Copy !req
430. - No. No.
- I'm just kidding.
Copy !req
431. I'm a kidder. Let's be friends.
Let's connect. You and I.
Copy !req
432. Didn't see that one coming, did you?
Copy !req
433. Popped right out of the box.
You foxy, yeah!
Copy !req
434. Teach your pal a lesson, Ford.
He's a guest on my ship.
Copy !req
435. He's a guest on my ship!
Copy !req
436. I thought you said you stole it.
Copy !req
437. Stole what?
What are we talking about?
Copy !req
438. Whoa! That doesn't sound good.
Copy !req
439. - Are you OK?
- Just fabulous, thanks, Trill.
Copy !req
440. A little help over here.
I'm in over my head.
Copy !req
441. I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon,
do I have to do everything?
Copy !req
442. Yes, I do!
Copy !req
443. Hey, this is really pretty.
Copy !req
444. - Don't!
- Whoo! They're on our tail.
Copy !req
445. Fire a gun. Launch a missile.
Do some damage!
Copy !req
446. Ow! Stop that! Ow!
Copy !req
447. Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me.
Copy !req
448. - Uh, computer?
- Hi there.
Copy !req
449. I'm Eddie, your computer.
Copy !req
450. I'm pleased to report that it's
a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers.
Copy !req
451. They're sending you a message.
Copy !req
452. This is Vice-President Questular Rontok.
Copy !req
453. I am speaking to the kidnapper
of the president?
Copy !req
454. She digs me.
Copy !req
455. Surrender the stolen vessel at once
Copy !req
456. or we will take action
as defined and permitted by...
Copy !req
457. section 1-8 of the Galactic
Interstellar Space Bylaws...
Copy !req
458. Zaphod, please come back now.
This is ridiculous.
Copy !req
459. Leap to hyperspace! Come on!
Copy !req
460. Sure thing, fella!
Copy !req
461. No.
Copy !req
462. Did they have proper
hyperspace authorization?
Copy !req
463. - No, commander.
- Oh.
Copy !req
464. Bring me the request
to pursue fugitive forms.
Copy !req
465. I'm coming, sir.
Copy !req
466. I'm boiling!
Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir.
Copy !req
467. So are you along for the ride
or am I just dropping you somewhere?
Copy !req
468. That depends. Where are you going?
Copy !req
469. Where am I going?
Copy !req
470. - You OK?
- Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea.
Copy !req
471. Yes, there is. Come on.
I'll show you the kitchen.
Copy !req
472. When you see what I'm about to show you,
you'll beg me to take you with us.
Copy !req
473. The best drink in existence
is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster,
Copy !req
474. the effect of which is like having your
brains smashed out by a slice of lemon
Copy !req
475. wrapped round a large gold brick.
Copy !req
476. - Belgium. Hold it one second.
- Belgium.
Copy !req
477. Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry,
what's your name again?
Copy !req
478. - Arthur.
- Right. Gorgeous.
Copy !req
479. No hard feelings, OK?
Sorry to hear about your planet...
Copy !req
480. - Earth.
- Yeah. I liked Earth.
Copy !req
481. Got these boots there.
But don't mention it to the girl.
Copy !req
482. Because if you do... I'll pull
your spleen out through your throat.
Copy !req
483. - All right. Thanks, buddy.
- OK.
Copy !req
484. Good stuff. Like those jammies.
Copy !req
485. Hey, hey, Zaphod,
what's with the two-head thing?
Copy !req
486. Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't be
president with a whole brain.
Copy !req
487. It's crazy.
Copy !req
488. - Oh, so you carved it up?
- Yes.
Copy !req
489. Parts of my personality weren't exactly
what you'd call presidential.
Copy !req
490. You know what I'm talkin' about.
Copy !req
491. Your tea is ready.
Copy !req
492. I suppose I should've said
it resembles tea.
Copy !req
493. So, two heads
is what does it for a girl?
Copy !req
494. I mean, if I'd had two heads,
or three...
Copy !req
495. Or your own spaceship.
Copy !req
496. Anything else he's got two of?
Copy !req
497. Come on, Arthur, don't be like that.
Copy !req
498. What am I supposed to be like?
Green? Bleeping?
Copy !req
499. I can fold my eyelids
inside out if you like.
Copy !req
500. OK, look. Do you see this?
Copy !req
501. This detects what you're craving
and makes it for you.
Copy !req
502. Enjoy your doughnut.
Copy !req
503. Do you see this?
Copy !req
504. This toasts bread
Copy !req
505. while you're slicing it.
Copy !req
506. We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space.
Copy !req
507. - I told you I wanted to get away.
- To Madagascar.
Copy !req
508. That was... some sort of test.
Copy !req
509. And I failed.
Copy !req
510. - How badly does it hurt?
- It doesn't feel great.
Copy !req
511. No, I mean your chin.
Copy !req
512. - Ah...
- I might have an aspirin.
Copy !req
513. Right.
Copy !req
514. Hey!
Copy !req
515. Tricia... Trillian, sorry.
There's something I have to tell you.
Copy !req
516. - Please, don't.
- Showtime, Trill.
Copy !req
517. I'm going to set up.
Buttons aren't toys.
Copy !req
518. Buttons aren't toys.
Copy !req
519. Anyway... When I saw
what I'm about to show you,
Copy !req
520. that's when I realized
why I had to do what I did to my brain.
Copy !req
521. I think. It's all a little...
Copy !req
522. shaky.
Copy !req
523. I've seen it. It's rubbish.
Copy !req
524. Many millions of years ago,
Copy !req
525. a race of hyper-intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings
Copy !req
526. got so fed up with the constant
bickering about the meaning of life,
Copy !req
527. that they commissioned
two of their brightest and best
Copy !req
528. to design and build
a stupendous super-computer
Copy !req
529. to calculate the answer to life,
the universe and everything.
Copy !req
530. O Deep Thought,
Copy !req
531. we want you to tell us the answer.
Copy !req
532. The answer to what?
Copy !req
533. The answer to life,
the universe, everything.
Copy !req
534. We'd really like an answer.
Something simple.
Copy !req
535. Hmm, I'd have to think about that.
Copy !req
536. Return to this place in exactly
seven-and-a-half million years.
Copy !req
537. - Is it finished?
- No, there's more. They go back.
Copy !req
538. - Seven-and-a-half million years later?
- That's right, they do.
Copy !req
539. Deep Thought, do you have...?
Copy !req
540. An answer for you?
Yes, but you're not going to like it.
Copy !req
541. - It doesn't matter. We must know it.
- All right.
Copy !req
542. The answer to the ultimate question...
Copy !req
543. of life, the universe
and everything...
Copy !req
544. is...
Copy !req
545. 42.
Copy !req
546. Yeah? What?
Copy !req
547. 42?
Copy !req
548. Yes, I thought it over
quite thoroughly. It's 42.
Copy !req
549. It would've been simpler
to have known what the question was.
Copy !req
550. But it was the question.
The ultimate question. Of everything!
Copy !req
551. That's not a question.
Copy !req
552. Only when you know the question
will you know what the answer means.
Copy !req
553. - Give us the ultimate question then.
- I can't. But there is one who can.
Copy !req
554. A computer that will calculate
the ultimate question.
Copy !req
555. A computer of such infinite complexity,
Copy !req
556. that life itself will form part
of its operational matrix.
Copy !req
557. And you yourselves shall take on new,
more primitive forms
Copy !req
558. and go down into the computer to
navigate its 10-million-year program.
Copy !req
559. I shall design this computer for you,
and it shall be called...
Copy !req
560. - That's it?
- That's it.
Copy !req
561. You're looking for
the ultimate question? You? Why?
Copy !req
562. I tried that.
Why? 42. Doesn't work.
Copy !req
563. - Let's get it ready, baby.
- Why...
Copy !req
564. do you want to know
the ultimate question?
Copy !req
565. Partly curiosity,
partly a sense of adventure,
Copy !req
566. but, uh, mostly I think
it's for the fame and the money.
Copy !req
567. You're president of the Galaxy.
Copy !req
568. - Yes, Arman.
- Arthur.
Copy !req
569. Whatever.
Presidential fame is temporary.
Copy !req
570. I find the question, that's permanent.
It sticks.
Copy !req
571. Plus, everyone thinks you're deep.
Win-win.
Copy !req
572. We just hit that button and bam,
we're at Magrathea, I think.
Copy !req
573. We've hit it twice and
we're still not there, but anyway...
Copy !req
574. - You in?
- Always.
Copy !req
575. - All right!
- Uh, I want to get off.
Copy !req
576. - Uh, sorry, what exactly are we doing?
- This!
Copy !req
577. The Infinite Improbability Drive
is a wonderful new method
Copy !req
578. of crossing interstellar distances
in a few seconds,
Copy !req
579. without all that tedious
mucking about in hyperspace.
Copy !req
580. As the Improbability Drive
reaches infinite improbability,
Copy !req
581. it passes through every conceivable
point in every conceivable universe
Copy !req
582. almost simultaneously.
Copy !req
583. So you're never sure
where you'll end up
Copy !req
584. or even what species you'll be
when you get there.
Copy !req
585. It's therefore important
to dress accordingly.
Copy !req
586. The Drive was invented following
research into finite improbability
Copy !req
587. often used to break the ice at parties
Copy !req
588. by making all the molecules
in the hostess's undergarments
Copy !req
589. leap one foot to the left
Copy !req
590. in accordance with
the theory of indeterminacy.
Copy !req
591. Many physicists said they
wouldn't stand for that sort of thing,
Copy !req
592. partly because it debased science,
Copy !req
593. but mostly because they didn't get
invited to those sort of parties.
Copy !req
594. Wow, is this gonna happen
every time we hit that button?
Copy !req
595. Very probably, yes.
Copy !req
596. Ah, I think
the Earthman's about to be sick.
Copy !req
597. In the trashcan, ape-man.
This ship's new.
Copy !req
598. Aw, come on!
Copy !req
599. We have normality.
Copy !req
600. Did it work? Are we there?
Copy !req
601. Yeah. We're here. Magrathea!
Copy !req
602. I don't think so. Eddie...
Copy !req
603. - Ow!
- What planet is this?
Copy !req
604. I'm checking for you.
Copy !req
605. Did you just pluck
one of my hairs? Off my head?
Copy !req
606. Thank you for waiting.
Sorry to disappoint,
Copy !req
607. but this is not Magrathea.
Copy !req
608. We are currently in orbit around
the planet Viltvodle Six.
Copy !req
609. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
610. Magrathea's gonna have to wait.
I got a score to settle on this planet.
Copy !req
611. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
612. In the beginning,
the universe was created.
Copy !req
613. This made a lot of people very angry,
and is widely regarded as a bad move.
Copy !req
614. Many races believed it was created
by some sort of god,
Copy !req
615. though the Jatravartid people
of Viltvodle Six
Copy !req
616. firmly believe that the entire universe
was sneezed out of the nose of a being
Copy !req
617. called the Great Green Arkleseizure.
Copy !req
618. Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
619. The Jatravartids,
who lived in fear
Copy !req
620. of the time they called the
Coming of the Great White Handkerchief,
Copy !req
621. were small blue creatures
with more than 50 arms each.
Copy !req
622. They were unique in being
the only race in history
Copy !req
623. to have invented
the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.
Copy !req
624. Mr. President!
Copy !req
625. Hey, all right. How you doin'?
Copy !req
626. Hey, what have we here? I love it!
Copy !req
627. Hey, I love you. Fantastic!
Copy !req
628. You guys related? Don't go changing.
Copy !req
629. Arthur, I want a drink.
Copy !req
630. I think I've been here before.
Have I been here before?
Copy !req
631. lxxie!
Copy !req
632. - I've been here before.
- Humma Kavula!
Copy !req
633. Come on.
Copy !req
634. Tricia! Tricia, I...
Copy !req
635. Hello, Humma.
Copy !req
636. - Join us. Sit down.
- Good to see you. Thanks. All right.
Copy !req
637. The handkerchief is coming.
Copy !req
638. Let us pray the Almighty will exhale
a breath of compassion on us all.
Copy !req
639. So that's Humma Kavula.
I thought he was just swearing.
Copy !req
640. We lift our noses, clogged and unblown,
Copy !req
641. in reverence to you.
Copy !req
642. Send the handkerchief, O Blessed One,
so that it may wipe us clean.
Copy !req
643. We ask this and all things
in Thy precious and alliterative name.
Copy !req
644. Bless you.
Copy !req
645. We goin' in here?
Copy !req
646. All right, I like it. It's big,
it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants.
Copy !req
647. Zaphod Beeblebrox,
our infamous president.
Copy !req
648. What brings you to our humble planet?
Copy !req
649. Oh, I think you know
why I'm here.
Copy !req
650. No, I don't think I do.
Copy !req
651. I think you think you don't.
Copy !req
652. But we both know... you do.
Copy !req
653. Eloquent as always.
Copy !req
654. Your ability to articulate
never ceases to amaze.
Copy !req
655. That's funny.
During the campaign, Humma,
Copy !req
656. when you were my opponent
running against me,
Copy !req
657. you said I was stupid.
Copy !req
658. The election is ancient history,
Zaphod, but...
Copy !req
659. if memory serves, you won,
Copy !req
660. proving that good looks
and charm win
Copy !req
661. over brilliance
and the ability to govern.
Copy !req
662. And, incidentally, you are stupid.
Copy !req
663. Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir.
Copy !req
664. Uh, I just want to say, there's been
some sort of terrible mix-up
Copy !req
665. 'cause, actually, he's not with us.
Copy !req
666. We came to worship you.
He followed us and...
Copy !req
667. He grew, didn't he? He's not that tall.
Copy !req
668. You didn't come half-way across
the galaxy to settle a campaign grudge.
Copy !req
669. Why are you here?
Copy !req
670. Of course not, that's...
that's ridiculous.
Copy !req
671. I've been stranded on a strange planet
for years. I haven't been avoiding you.
Copy !req
672. You look great. You're doing well.
Copy !req
673. You've grown, obviously.
Copy !req
674. - Aggh! Oomph!
- Wait! We don't know why we're here.
Copy !req
675. We were trying to get to Magrathea
and our ship brought us here.
Copy !req
676. How very, very improbable.
Copy !req
677. I kept a few souvenirs
from my former life.
Copy !req
678. Ah, the heady days of space piracy.
Copy !req
679. But... even
an lnfinite lmprobability Drive
Copy !req
680. requires coordinates.
Copy !req
681. Which I happen to have.
Copy !req
682. No, no, no.
Copy !req
683. You don't get something
for nothing, Zaphod.
Copy !req
684. You must bring me something in return.
Copy !req
685. - Wh... What?
- A gun.
Copy !req
686. - A gun?
- A very special gun.
Copy !req
687. Designed by the greatest computer
ever invented.
Copy !req
688. But the only way to find it
is to go to Magrathea.
Copy !req
689. Fine. I'll get your gun.
Just give me the coordinates.
Copy !req
690. And what will you give me
to ensure your return?
Copy !req
691. My word as president.
Copy !req
692. No. I need a hostage.
Copy !req
693. Only...
Copy !req
694. what does
Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
Copy !req
695. Come on.
Copy !req
696. Oh, no!
Copy !req
697. Hey, take it easy now.
Copy !req
698. No, stop it.
Ah! Oh, that kind of tickles.
Copy !req
699. Two heads are better than one.
Double your pleasure.
Copy !req
700. It's not fair. You need me!
Copy !req
701. Come back! Come back!
Don't leave me alone.
Copy !req
702. Come back!
Copy !req
703. And I thought I was the only
one who considered your boyfriend
Copy !req
704. a narcissistic moron,
but the whole galaxy does.
Copy !req
705. What about you?
"Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir.
Copy !req
706. We're not with him. We just came
to worship you." Very brave.
Copy !req
707. Where the hell is Ford?
Copy !req
708. By the left, march.
Copy !req
709. Left, right, left, right, left, right.
Copy !req
710. Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
Copy !req
711. Fire upon the kidnapper!
Copy !req
712. Hey, come on!
Copy !req
713. The president is the kidnapper.
You'll kill him!
Copy !req
714. Bang! Bang!
Copy !req
715. It's locked!
Copy !req
716. Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch.
Copy !req
717. Come on, Zaphod.
Copy !req
718. - Hey, what did I miss?
- What have you been doing?
Copy !req
719. Field research. So they found
where we are? Belgium bummer!
Copy !req
720. They're shooting at us!
What are we going to do?
Copy !req
721. - I have an idea.
- Pushing him out and running away?
Copy !req
722. What? He's the one they want.
Copy !req
723. You can't go out there.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
724. - Back off!
- What's going on?
Copy !req
725. I have the president
and I will kill him, I swear.
Copy !req
726. - Could that actually kill him?
- I don't think so.
Copy !req
727. - It's an aerosol can.
- Oh.
Copy !req
728. OK, frightened now,
frightened.
Copy !req
729. - Hi, little guy.
- Get her!
Copy !req
730. - Zaphod, no, come on!
- Arthur!
Copy !req
731. - Arthur!
- Tricia!
Copy !req
732. - Arthur!
- Tricia! Wait!
Copy !req
733. Arthur!
Copy !req
734. Resistance is useless!
Copy !req
735. Bring her to Vogsphere
for processing, captain.
Copy !req
736. Circus. Circus!
Copy !req
737. They got her and it's my fault.
We have to go!
Copy !req
738. Let's go!
Copy !req
739. Whoo! Computer, take us to Magrathea!
Copy !req
740. What? No, no, no.
We've got to go after Tricia.
Copy !req
741. - Who?
- Trillian.
Copy !req
742. They've got Trillian,
you stupid half-brained git!
Copy !req
743. Right, you're coming out!
Copy !req
744. Computer, we don't want to go to
Magrathea, we want to follow the ships.
Copy !req
745. I'd love to, but my
guidance system has been deactivated.
Copy !req
746. Oh, come on!
Copy !req
747. I'm sorry.
It wasn't my fault.
Copy !req
748. What you doing on this ship?
Copy !req
749. - Ford?
- Marvin.
Copy !req
750. I've been talking
to the ship's computer.
Copy !req
751. And?
Copy !req
752. It hates me.
Copy !req
753. No, uh-uh. Eddie, computer,
Copy !req
754. is there another way
to follow the ships?
Copy !req
755. Activating Emergency Escape
Pod. It's super-neat and fun to fly!
Copy !req
756. Ow!
Copy !req
757. Unbelievable!
Copy !req
758. I'm in. I'm in.
OK, Ford, do you have any idea?
Copy !req
759. We'll press this.
Copy !req
760. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
761. - This button.
- OK. Nothing's... OK!
Copy !req
762. Good man, good man, good man.
Copy !req
763. - OK, we're wobbling...
- You forgot your towel.
Copy !req
764. Get him off me! I'll kill him!
Copy !req
765. - OK, Ford, there's a...
- Is that better?
Copy !req
766. No, that's worse, that's worse.
Copy !req
767. - Do what... I don't need that.
- OK.
Copy !req
768. Stop the rocking.
Marvin, any ideas?
Copy !req
769. I have a million ideas.
They all point to certain death.
Copy !req
770. Thanks, Marv.
Copy !req
771. Ooh, ooh. Eee. Ooh, ooh.
Copy !req
772. Whoo!
Copy !req
773. Whee! Whee!
Copy !req
774. Yeah! Yeah!
Copy !req
775. - Magrathea!
- No, we're on the Vogon planet.
Copy !req
776. - Yes, it is. It's Magrathea!
- This is Vogsphere.
Copy !req
777. - Yeah, Magrathea. I know it.
- No, it's not.
Copy !req
778. - There is no Magrathea.
- Yes, it is.
Copy !req
779. - What are you doing?
- They took my head.
Copy !req
780. They have these
on Arcturan megafreighters.
Copy !req
781. They use them when
they need to concentrate.
Copy !req
782. - What is it?
- It's a thinking cap.
Copy !req
783. There you go.
Copy !req
784. Should give him some zest
for about ten minutes or so.
Copy !req
785. Now I'm feeling
much better about our predicament.
Copy !req
786. I checked the Guide for how
to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere.
Copy !req
787. It said don't.
I'm assuming you have a better plan.
Copy !req
788. Well, I kind of had this idea
that we could... Ow!
Copy !req
789. - Did anyone see that?
- See what?
Copy !req
790. - What was it?
- Uh...
Copy !req
791. Nothing, it's, uh, nothing.
It's just my imagination.
Copy !req
792. OK, right. Now, everyone just stop
a minute, please, and look at me.
Copy !req
793. There's... definitely
something going on here.
Copy !req
794. Just... just watch.
Copy !req
795. Just watch.
Copy !req
796. OK, I think we...
Copy !req
797. - Oooh!
- Ah-ha! You too!
Copy !req
798. Yeah, what was that?
Copy !req
799. I thi...
Copy !req
800. Zaphod, what do you think?
Copy !req
801. I think... Ow! Zarquon!
What was that? Jeez!
Copy !req
802. I'd make a suggestion,
but you wouldn't listen.
Copy !req
803. - No one ever does.
- I have an idea.
Copy !req
804. Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford!
Kill it! Get rid of it!
Copy !req
805. OK, don't think.
Copy !req
806. Nobody think. No ideas.
Copy !req
807. No theories. No nothing.
Copy !req
808. Ow!
Copy !req
809. This is crazy.
Trillian is in there somewhere.
Copy !req
810. - We need an idea to save her.
- I have an ide...
Copy !req
811. - Ah! Run!
- Yeeaaghh!
Copy !req
812. Ooh! Ah!
Copy !req
813. You're supposed to stop.
Copy !req
814. OK, so I'm not thinking.
Not thinking. No ideas coming.
Copy !req
815. All right, this isn't an idea
that has any merit at all,
Copy !req
816. but, Marvin, can you give me a hand?
Copy !req
817. OK, where is she?
Copy !req
818. Who, the director of robot arm repair?
Copy !req
819. Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus
of... Blaard?
Copy !req
820. No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth.
Copy !req
821. Oh. Right.
Copy !req
822. Sorry, no record of Earth.
Copy !req
823. Galactic sector
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha?
Copy !req
824. - Oh, yes.
- She's lying.
Copy !req
825. She's skinny, and she's pretty,
and she's lying.
Copy !req
826. - Mmmm.
- Here we are. Earth.
Copy !req
827. Oh. Um, "destroyed."
Copy !req
828. Um, do you have
a second home planet?
Copy !req
829. - Destroyed? That's impossible.
- That's what it says here.
Copy !req
830. Says it was destroyed to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
Copy !req
831. Who in their right mind
gives an order to destroy a planet?
Copy !req
832. - He said the grey building, right?
- All the buildings are grey.
Copy !req
833. "Give me a hand." Ha-ha, very funny.
Copy !req
834. How am I supposed to drive this pod
with one arm? Stupid human.
Copy !req
835. Go back and fill that in.
Copy !req
836. Then, make sure, when you fill in
the facilitating form...
Copy !req
837. Leave this to me. I'm British.
I know how to queue.
Copy !req
838. If you'd fill that form in for me,
Copy !req
839. and return it as soon as possible.
Copy !req
840. - Writing implements to your left...
- You're president. Can you do anything?
Copy !req
841. Presidents don't have power. Their job
is to draw attention away from it.
Copy !req
842. Hey, how you doin'?
Copy !req
843. Hey, it's me, your president!
What's goin' on? Thanks for coming.
Copy !req
844. All right. I know that sponge.
All right!
Copy !req
845. - Next!
- President coming through.
Copy !req
846. How you doin', Pinhead?
No, really, it's me.
Copy !req
847. I love kabuki. Look at that.
Copy !req
848. Out the way.
Copy !req
849. Give us a kiss!
Copy !req
850. Hi, I've come about
release of a prisoner.
Copy !req
851. Prisoner release form.
Copy !req
852. Oh, wha...?
Copy !req
853. I don't believe you.
Copy !req
854. These are the orders.
Copy !req
855. "Love and kisses?"
Copy !req
856. Mm. Now, according
to the Galactic Penal Code,
Copy !req
857. the punishment for
a presidential kidnapping
Copy !req
858. is to be fed to
the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Copy !req
859. Good day.
Copy !req
860. Ow, get off of me!
Copy !req
861. Ow! What the hell is that?
Copy !req
862. Ow, no, wait, wait!
Copy !req
863. There's been some kind of mistake. Ah!
Copy !req
864. - Tick all the boxes on the right.
- Right. Got it.
Copy !req
865. Not that one!
Copy !req
866. What to do if you find yourself
stuck with no hope of rescue.
Copy !req
867. Consider how lucky you are
that life has been good to you so far.
Copy !req
868. Alternatively, if life
hasn't been good to you so far,
Copy !req
869. which, given your current circumstances,
seems more likely,
Copy !req
870. consider how lucky you are that
it won't be troubling you much longer.
Copy !req
871. Right, there we go.
Copy !req
872. Oh, kidnapping the president.
Copy !req
873. Oh, no, she's not eligible
for release at this time.
Copy !req
874. OK. Right.
Look, this is the president.
Copy !req
875. - Oh!
- OK. See, there?
Copy !req
876. He says the kidnapping business
was a horrible misunderstanding.
Copy !req
877. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
878. She meant nothing by it.
He's ordering you to let her go.
Copy !req
879. But this isn't a presidential
release of prisoner form.
Copy !req
880. Those are blue.
Copy !req
881. - I'll stay here.
- All right. Hold that. OK. Wai...
Copy !req
882. Oh, he's hungry today.
Copy !req
883. That's blue. Right.
Copy !req
884. - I'm not a journalist.
- We're just hanging out.
Copy !req
885. OK, this is, uh...
it's for Tricia McMillan.
Copy !req
886. Tricia McMillan. Mm. OK.
Copy !req
887. Sir, it's a release form.
Copy !req
888. Thank you.
Copy !req
889. She's free to go.
Copy !req
890. Release her.
Copy !req
891. Zaphod's here.
Well, then, uh, that's fine then.
Copy !req
892. Let's just go and get him.
Copy !req
893. Who are we waiting for again?
Copy !req
894. No, I'm serious.
Copy !req
895. Tricia!
Copy !req
896. - Tricia.
- Trill.
Copy !req
897. - Hey, come on.
- You idiot!
Copy !req
898. You signed the order to destroy Earth.
Copy !req
899. - He did?
- I did?
Copy !req
900. Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod?"
You didn't even read it, did you?
Copy !req
901. Honey, I'm president of the Galaxy.
I don't get a lot of time for reading.
Copy !req
902. An entire planet, my home,
Copy !req
903. destroyed because you thought
they wanted your autograph.
Copy !req
904. - They framed me!
- Are you an idiot?
Copy !req
905. - Trillian.
- You knew. Why didn't you tell me?
Copy !req
906. - He threatened me.
- Get a backbone, Arthur.
Copy !req
907. Oh, a backbone? What about coming here
to rescue you? Thank you. My idea. Oh!
Copy !req
908. Stupid!
Copy !req
909. - Got your arm.
- How considerate.
Copy !req
910. Right, then, all those lucky enough
to have two arms, hold tight.
Copy !req
911. Oh, the president tests my patience.
Copy !req
912. This time I shall pursue him myself.
Ready my ship.
Copy !req
913. Fantastic. At last.
Copy !req
914. Oh. That's one hour for lunch,
everybody.
Copy !req
915. I think I'll have soup today.
Copy !req
916. The Encyclopedia Galactica,
in its chapter on love,
Copy !req
917. states that it is
far too complicated to define.
Copy !req
918. The Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy has this to say on love.
Copy !req
919. "Avoid, if at all possible."
Copy !req
920. Unfortunately,
Arthur Dent has never read
Copy !req
921. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Copy !req
922. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- No, come in.
Copy !req
923. I... I didn't...
Copy !req
924. Um, look, uh...
Copy !req
925. Trillian, I just wanted to say,
you were right,
Copy !req
926. I should've told you, and I understand
totally if you're angry with me.
Copy !req
927. Um, for what it's worth,
I know how you must be feeling...
Copy !req
928. - Can you hand me a towel?
- Yeah, sure, this...
Copy !req
929. Thank you.
Copy !req
930. Actually,
what I was going to say was...
Copy !req
931. if I'd said yes to you
and gone to Madagascar,
Copy !req
932. then neither of us would be here now.
Copy !req
933. I just thought that might
count for something.
Copy !req
934. It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
935. All right, computer, take us to...
Where are we... where we headed again?
Copy !req
936. OK, I'm gonna get you
another lemon.
Copy !req
937. All right.
Copy !req
938. Engaging Improbability Drive.
Copy !req
939. No, Zaphod, no.
Buttons are not toys. What did you do?
Copy !req
940. Magrathean coordinates accepted.
Copy !req
941. It blows my circuits to tell you
Copy !req
942. that we're in orbit,
at an altitude of 300 miles,
Copy !req
943. around the legendary planet
of Magrathea.
Copy !req
944. Magrathea! Magrathea!
Copy !req
945. Magrathea!
Copy !req
946. Unbelievable.
Copy !req
947. lncredible.
Copy !req
948. It's even worse
than I thought it would be.
Copy !req
949. Greetings. This is a recorded
announcement as we are all out.
Copy !req
950. The Commercial Council of Magrathea
thanks you for your visit,
Copy !req
951. but regrets that the entire planet
is temporarily closed.
Copy !req
952. If you'd like to leave your name
and a planet where you can be contacted,
Copy !req
953. kindly do so at the tone.
Copy !req
954. - How can a planet be closed?
- Zarkin' A, cousin.
Copy !req
955. OK, computer, keep going.
Take us down.
Copy !req
956. I'd be happy to.
Copy !req
957. It is gratifying
that your enthusiasm
Copy !req
958. for our planet continues unabated.
Copy !req
959. As a token of our appreciation,
Copy !req
960. we hope you will enjoy
the two thermo-nuclear missiles
Copy !req
961. we've just sent
to converge with your craft.
Copy !req
962. To ensure on-going quality of service,
Copy !req
963. your death may be monitored
for training purposes. Thank you.
Copy !req
964. I'm delighted to tell you
Copy !req
965. there are two nuclear missiles
heading right for us.
Copy !req
966. If you don't mind,
I'm going to take evasive action.
Copy !req
967. Something's jamming
my guidance system.
Copy !req
968. Impact minus 45 seconds.
Copy !req
969. Computer, do something!
Copy !req
970. Sure. Handing over
manual control. Good luck.
Copy !req
971. I need some help.
Copy !req
972. I can't do this without my third arm.
Copy !req
973. Arthur, grab my hand!
Copy !req
974. - Did we lose 'em?
- No, they're coming right at us.
Copy !req
975. - Why don't I just press this?
- No, we're not back to normal yet.
Copy !req
976. - What will happen?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
977. Don't do it! We're here.
No telling where it'll send us.
Copy !req
978. - Sod it all.
- No!
Copy !req
979. Wow. Where are we?
Copy !req
980. Exactly where we were.
Copy !req
981. And the missiles?
Copy !req
982. Apparently, they've turned...
into a bowl of petunias.
Copy !req
983. And a very surprised-looking whale.
Copy !req
984. And an improbability factor
Copy !req
985. of 8,767,128 to one against.
Copy !req
986. We have norm... normality.
Copy !req
987. Normality, right.
Copy !req
988. We can talk about normality
till the cows come home.
Copy !req
989. - What is normal?
- What's home?
Copy !req
990. What are cows?
Copy !req
991. A proper cup of tea
would restore my normality.
Copy !req
992. It is important to note that
suddenly, and against all probability,
Copy !req
993. a sperm whale had been
called into existence
Copy !req
994. several miles above
the surface of an alien planet.
Copy !req
995. Since this is not a tenable
position for a whale,
Copy !req
996. this innocent creature had very little
time to come to terms with its identity.
Copy !req
997. This is what it thought as it fell:
Copy !req
998. Ah, whoa, what's happening? Who am I?
Copy !req
999. Why am I here? What's my purpose?
What do I mean by "who am I"?
Copy !req
1000. OK, OK, calm down, get a grip now.
Copy !req
1001. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation.
A sort of tingling in my...
Copy !req
1002. I better start finding names for things.
Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail.
Copy !req
1003. What's this roaring sound whooshing past
what I'm gonna call my head?
Copy !req
1004. Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do.
Copy !req
1005. Yay, this is really exciting.
I'm dizzy with anticipation.
Copy !req
1006. Or is it the wind?
There's a lot of that now.
Copy !req
1007. And what's this thing coming towards me
very fast? So big and flat and round.
Copy !req
1008. It needs a big wide-sounding name
like ow, ound, round, ground!
Copy !req
1009. That's it, ground. I wonder if it will
be friends with me. Hello, ground.
Copy !req
1010. The only thing that went through
the mind of the bowl of petunias
Copy !req
1011. as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again!"
Copy !req
1012. Many have speculated that if we knew
why the petunias had thought that,
Copy !req
1013. we should know a lot more about the
nature of the universe than we do now.
Copy !req
1014. What are those things?
Copy !req
1015. They're portals
to another dimension.
Copy !req
1016. Right. I don't suppose this
portal has central heating, does it?
Copy !req
1017. Ah, this is the one.
Copy !req
1018. This will all end in tears,
I just know it.
Copy !req
1019. Right here.
Copy !req
1020. Hey! Whoa!
Copy !req
1021. OK, in we go!
Copy !req
1022. We can't just step into that... that!
We don't know where it leads.
Copy !req
1023. If we pick the wrong one,
Copy !req
1024. we just... we come back,
we pick another one. It's no biggie.
Copy !req
1025. What? Yeah, it's a big biggie,
Ford. A big biggie.
Copy !req
1026. What if it rips us all into
tiny little atomic particle thingies?
Copy !req
1027. This is the right one. I have a hunch.
Copy !req
1028. - Ford!
- His hunches are good.
Copy !req
1029. Arthur, I say we go.
Copy !req
1030. Go with the hunch of a man
whose brain is fuelled by lemons?
Copy !req
1031. This is suicide!
Copy !req
1032. - I think I resent that.
- I don't care.
Copy !req
1033. I'm getting hostility
from you, Alex...
Copy !req
1034. - Arthur!
- Have you ever tried yoga?
Copy !req
1035. - Trillian!
- I think that's supposed to happen.
Copy !req
1036. She's gone!
Ford, she's gone!
Copy !req
1037. Arthur, don't panic!
Copy !req
1038. - Ford!
- Hey, wait for me!
Copy !req
1039. Whoo!
Copy !req
1040. Come on.
Copy !req
1041. Idiot! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
Copy !req
1042. Come on, come on, come on!
Copy !req
1043. Ahhh!
Copy !req
1044. No, no, no, don't leave.
Come on, come on, just start!
Copy !req
1045. I told you this would end in tears.
Copy !req
1046. Did you? Did you?
Copy !req
1047. Geronimo!
Copy !req
1048. Ooomph!
Copy !req
1049. Far out! Far out! Ha-ha!
Copy !req
1050. This is it. This is it!
Deep Thought. I'm a-coming.
Copy !req
1051. This is how
it's all going to end, is it?
Copy !req
1052. Me, alone on a dead planet,
with a manically depressed robot.
Copy !req
1053. You think you've got problems.
Copy !req
1054. What if you are
a manically depressed robot?
Copy !req
1055. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1056. Whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
1057. - Who are you?
- No, uh, my name is not important.
Copy !req
1058. Uh, you must come with me.
Copy !req
1059. - Get away.
- Terrible events are afoot.
Copy !req
1060. Um, you... you must come
or you'll be late.
Copy !req
1061. - Late? What for?
- What?
Copy !req
1062. No, no. What's...
what's your name, Earthman?
Copy !req
1063. - Dent. Arthur Dent.
- Well,
Copy !req
1064. late as in "the late Dentarthurdent."
Copy !req
1065. It's a sort of threat, do you see? No.
Copy !req
1066. - No.
- Your friends are safe.
Copy !req
1067. - You can trust me.
- A man who won't tell me his name?
Copy !req
1068. OK, my name is, um...
Copy !req
1069. My name is... is...
is... Slartibartfast.
Copy !req
1070. l... I... I said it wasn't important.
Copy !req
1071. Well... so my friends are safe?
Copy !req
1072. Let me show you.
Copy !req
1073. I could calculate your chances
of survival, but you won't like it.
Copy !req
1074. Did you know we built planets?
Copy !req
1075. Oh, yes, fascinating trade.
Copy !req
1076. Doing the, um... doing the coastlines
was always my favorite.
Copy !req
1077. We used to have endless fun doing the
little fiddly bits around the fjords.
Copy !req
1078. But then the galactic economy collapsed,
and seeing that custom-built planets
Copy !req
1079. are a... are a bit of
a luxury commodity...
Copy !req
1080. Come with me because there's
been a terrible mix-up with your planet.
Copy !req
1081. Best laid plans of mice, you know.
Copy !req
1082. - And men.
- What?
Copy !req
1083. Best laid plans of mice and men.
Copy !req
1084. Yes, well, I don't think men
have much to do with it. Here.
Copy !req
1085. Um, I must warn you,
Copy !req
1086. we're going to pass through,
well, a sort of gateway thing.
Copy !req
1087. - Huh?
- It may disturb you.
Copy !req
1088. It scares the willies out of me.
Copy !req
1089. Aghh! Aghh!
Copy !req
1090. Ha, ha, ha.
Welcome to our factory floor.
Copy !req
1091. OK.
Copy !req
1092. All right. All right.
Copy !req
1093. Yeah, this is it.
Copy !req
1094. This is it.
Copy !req
1095. O great Deep Thought!
Copy !req
1096. We have traveled long...
Copy !req
1097. and far.
Copy !req
1098. Have you calculated
the ultimate question of life,
Copy !req
1099. the universe and everything?
Copy !req
1100. No.
Copy !req
1101. - What?
- I've been watching TV.
Copy !req
1102. Oh.
Copy !req
1103. I designed
another computer to do that.
Copy !req
1104. Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?
Copy !req
1105. No, it's not here. It's another world.
Copy !req
1106. It's on another world.
Copy !req
1107. It is another world, stupid.
Copy !req
1108. Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it
Copy !req
1109. to make way
for a hyperspace expressway.
Copy !req
1110. Well... OK.
Copy !req
1111. You sure you don't have the question,
Copy !req
1112. or a way to, you know,
access it or something?
Copy !req
1113. 'Cause I think I've done
a lot to get here.
Copy !req
1114. Oh, shh, shh. The show's back on.
Copy !req
1115. Well, I don't wanna bother you,
so I'm gonna... Good stuff.
Copy !req
1116. Great. I'm gonna go and find something
else for my entire life to be about.
Copy !req
1117. Zaphod, Zaphod,
there's the... the gun.
Copy !req
1118. - Gun?
- That Humma sent you for.
Copy !req
1119. - You gave him your head.
- Why'd I... why'd I do that?
Copy !req
1120. - OK.
- That's stupid.
Copy !req
1121. O Deep Thought,
we were told that there is a gun.
Copy !req
1122. - There you are.
- Hm?
Copy !req
1123. Look familiar?
Copy !req
1124. So it wasn't destroyed?
Copy !req
1125. Actually, it was.
This is a backup. Earth Mark ll.
Copy !req
1126. So you... you made the Earth?
Copy !req
1127. Not me alone,
but I... I did my part.
Copy !req
1128. Ever heard of a place,
I think it's called Norway?
Copy !req
1129. That was one of mine.
I... I got an award for it.
Copy !req
1130. Oh, hoo!
Copy !req
1131. All right, Frank?
That's... that's Frank.
Copy !req
1132. Ah-ha. They...
they've nearly finished the oceans.
Copy !req
1133. Zaphod.
Copy !req
1134. Here, it's...
Copy !req
1135. It's just like Humma said.
Copy !req
1136. - Now you can go get your head back.
- Hey, Ford.
Copy !req
1137. It's been nice knowing you,
you zarking frood.
Copy !req
1138. No!
Copy !req
1139. - Whoa!
- This is a bust too.
Copy !req
1140. H... H... Hey, man. You know,
you must really be frustrated.
Copy !req
1141. You go through all you have,
you don't get an answer,
Copy !req
1142. which means no money or fame,
which you deserve...
Copy !req
1143. The Point-of-View Gun,
conveniently,
Copy !req
1144. does precisely what its name suggests.
Copy !req
1145. Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic.
Copy !req
1146. If you point it at
someone and pull the trigger,
Copy !req
1147. they instantly see things
from your point of view.
Copy !req
1148. Give me that thing.
Copy !req
1149. It was designed by Deep Thought,
Copy !req
1150. but commissioned by a consortium
of intergalactic angry housewives
Copy !req
1151. who, after arguments
with their husbands,
Copy !req
1152. were sick to the teeth of ending
those arguments with the phrase,
Copy !req
1153. "You just don't get it, do you?"
Copy !req
1154. Uh, uh, and you're right,
I shouldn't be so upset
Copy !req
1155. because life goes on, you know,
Copy !req
1156. and I should just go on with it.
Copy !req
1157. Shoot him again.
Copy !req
1158. Whoa.
Copy !req
1159. Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too.
Copy !req
1160. - Say what?
- That is brilliant.
Copy !req
1161. What's goin'...?
Copy !req
1162. I can see why Humma Kavula
would want one of these.
Copy !req
1163. - We better get back. Arthur's waiting.
- Who cares?
Copy !req
1164. I do. Especially since we're somewhat
of an endangered species, thanks to you.
Copy !req
1165. Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.
Copy !req
1166. You wanna know why I'm edgy?
Copy !req
1167. Argh. Of course you're edgy.
Your planet's been blown up
Copy !req
1168. and you've been tooling around
with the guy who signed the order.
Copy !req
1169. Huh?
Copy !req
1170. Ugh! You actually wanted
to know the question
Copy !req
1171. because you always wondered
if there was more to life
Copy !req
1172. and now you're crushed
because you find out there really isn't.
Copy !req
1173. Hey, fantastic. Psychedelic.
Copy !req
1174. You've got no home, no family,
and you're stuck with me,
Copy !req
1175. another in a long line of men
who doesn't really get you.
Copy !req
1176. Huh? That's not true.
Copy !req
1177. And you're worried you might have blown
it with the one guy who really does.
Copy !req
1178. Hey, whoops.
Copy !req
1179. Oh, baby doll.
Copy !req
1180. Give me that thing.
Copy !req
1181. It won't affect me.
I'm already a woman.
Copy !req
1182. It's OK.
It's only a couple of little mice!
Copy !req
1183. Voilà!
Himalayas. Good, eh?
Copy !req
1184. Earthman, you must realize
Copy !req
1185. that the planet you lived on
Copy !req
1186. was commissioned, paid for
and run by mice.
Copy !req
1187. When you say mice, do you mean
the little furry white creatures
Copy !req
1188. with whiskers, ears, cheese?
Copy !req
1189. Yeah, but they're protrusions into our
dimension of hyper-intelligent beings.
Copy !req
1190. I don't know this cheese
of which you speak,
Copy !req
1191. but they were there on Earth
as mice experimenting on you.
Copy !req
1192. I see where you've become confused now.
You see, we were experimenting on them.
Copy !req
1193. Ah, no, well, yeah, no.
That's what they wanted you to think,
Copy !req
1194. but you were actually
elements in their computer program.
Copy !req
1195. Actually, this explains a lot.
Copy !req
1196. All my life,
I've had this strange feeling
Copy !req
1197. there's something big and sinister
going on in the world.
Copy !req
1198. No, that's normal paranoia.
Everyone in the universe gets that.
Copy !req
1199. Perhaps I'm old and tired,
but the chances of finding out
Copy !req
1200. what's actually going on
are so absurdly remote
Copy !req
1201. that the only thing to do is say hang
the sense of it and keep yourself busy.
Copy !req
1202. I'd much rather be happy
than right any day.
Copy !req
1203. - And are you?
- Uh... no.
Copy !req
1204. That's where
it all falls down, of course.
Copy !req
1205. Here you are then.
Copy !req
1206. Is this...?
Copy !req
1207. It's, um... It's all there.
Copy !req
1208. You know, it all works.
Copy !req
1209. Welcome home.
Copy !req
1210. - Hey!
- Hey, man!
Copy !req
1211. - There you are!
- Surprise!
Copy !req
1212. What are you doing?
What happened to you?
Copy !req
1213. Is that tea?
Copy !req
1214. - First, our hosts attacked us.
- Right.
Copy !req
1215. But then they made up for it
by making us...
Copy !req
1216. this amazing meal.
Copy !req
1217. It's so... Everything's right.
Everything's delicious.
Copy !req
1218. Oh, come on, that's lovely.
Copy !req
1219. We're glad you like it, Earth creature.
Copy !req
1220. The, um, talking... talking mice. Cool.
Copy !req
1221. - Sit, Earthman.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you for that.
Copy !req
1222. - Please, drink.
- Um, uh, excuse me.
Copy !req
1223. - Uh, is there anything else?
- No, we're quite happy, thank you.
Copy !req
1224. Um, good, I'll be outside, so...
Copy !req
1225. You were right.
Copy !req
1226. - Please, drink.
- Yes.
Copy !req
1227. He was right.
Copy !req
1228. Now, to business.
Copy !req
1229. To business!
Copy !req
1230. Eat!
Copy !req
1231. - Shh.
- Sorry.
Copy !req
1232. We've spent a lot of time
on your planet
Copy !req
1233. looking for this ultimate question.
Copy !req
1234. Only to have it blow up
in our faces. Literally.
Copy !req
1235. Which is why you're here.
We've been offered a lucrative contract
Copy !req
1236. to do several 5-D TV chat shows.
Copy !req
1237. But here's the point.
We must have product.
Copy !req
1238. We need the ultimate question,
or one that sounds ultimate.
Copy !req
1239. - Of course.
- We've rebuilt the planet.
Copy !req
1240. Now all we need
is the missing piece of the puzzle.
Copy !req
1241. - Which happens to be your brain.
- Right.
Copy !req
1242. More tea?
Copy !req
1243. Sorry, did you just say
you need my brain?
Copy !req
1244. Yes, to complete the program.
Copy !req
1245. You can't have my brain. I'm using it.
Copy !req
1246. - Hardly.
- Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse.
Copy !req
1247. Zaphod! Trillian!
Copy !req
1248. Ford.
Copy !req
1249. What was in that food?
Copy !req
1250. What was in my tea?
Copy !req
1251. Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
Copy !req
1252. Just wait a sodding minute.
Copy !req
1253. You want a question
that goes with the answer 42?
Copy !req
1254. What about, what's 6x7?
Copy !req
1255. Or, um, uh, how many Vogons
does it take to change a light bulb?
Copy !req
1256. Here's one: how many roads
must a man walk down?
Copy !req
1257. Hey, that's not bad.
Copy !req
1258. Fine.
Copy !req
1259. Fine, take it, 'cause my head
is filled with questions,
Copy !req
1260. and no answer to any one of them
Copy !req
1261. has ever brought me
one iota of happiness.
Copy !req
1262. Except for one.
Copy !req
1263. The one. The only question
I've ever wanted an answer to.
Copy !req
1264. Is she the one?
Copy !req
1265. The answer bloody well isn't 42,
it's yes.
Copy !req
1266. Undoubtedly, unequivocally,
unabashedly, yes.
Copy !req
1267. And for one week,
Copy !req
1268. one week in my sad little...
blip of an existence...
Copy !req
1269. it made me happy.
Copy !req
1270. That's a good answer.
Copy !req
1271. We don't want to be happy.
We want to be famous.
Copy !req
1272. - What's this "is she the one?" tripe?
- Take his brain!
Copy !req
1273. No, don't take the brain!
Don't take the brain, mice!
Copy !req
1274. It wasn't me!
Copy !req
1275. I'm famous.
Copy !req
1276. Shoot him, quickly, shoot him!
Copy !req
1277. Oh, bollocks!
Copy !req
1278. Agghh!
Copy !req
1279. I'm gonna be sick.
Copy !req
1280. Belgium.
Copy !req
1281. Follow me.
Copy !req
1282. Left, right, left, right.
Copy !req
1283. Attention!
Copy !req
1284. Thanks a lot
for leaving me behind.
Copy !req
1285. Though I can't say I blame you.
Copy !req
1286. Mr. President,
we're here for your protection.
Copy !req
1287. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
Copy !req
1288. Fire!
Copy !req
1289. No! No!
Copy !req
1290. What's all the fuss about?
Copy !req
1291. Vogons are the worst marksmen
in the galaxy. Ooh.
Copy !req
1292. - For God's sake, stop!
- Cease fire.
Copy !req
1293. Now I've got a headache...
headache... headache...
Copy !req
1294. Marvin!
Copy !req
1295. Oh, no.
Copy !req
1296. He's got a towel, run away!
Copy !req
1297. I'm gonna get us outta here.
How do you drive this thing?
Copy !req
1298. We need that gun.
Copy !req
1299. Come on. Get this ship started.
Come on. Start!
Copy !req
1300. Come on. Oh, fire, fire!
Copy !req
1301. Fire, fire!
Copy !req
1302. Oo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
Copy !req
1303. He's locked it
from the other side.
Copy !req
1304. We'll have to go the other way.
Copy !req
1305. Come on, let's go!
Copy !req
1306. Stop!
Copy !req
1307. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1308. Stop it! Stop it!
Stop shooting at us!
Copy !req
1309. Oh, I feel so depressed.
Copy !req
1310. I can't face another day.
Copy !req
1311. What's the point?
Copy !req
1312. - You all right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1313. Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur.
Copy !req
1314. Marvin, you saved our lives.
Copy !req
1315. I know. Wretched, isn't it?
Copy !req
1316. You got to ask yourself,
what's the point?
Copy !req
1317. Take it away.
Copy !req
1318. You could do all of that,
but it's not gonna... Well, I'll ask...
Copy !req
1319. I'll just ask.
Copy !req
1320. l... I... I've just been informed
by some of the lads
Copy !req
1321. that since we're so near completion,
Copy !req
1322. we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth.
Copy !req
1323. Oh.
Copy !req
1324. We... well, we can put it back exactly
as it was when you left, you know.
Copy !req
1325. Unless there's, um...
Copy !req
1326. There's, you know,
anything you want to change.
Copy !req
1327. Something you think
your planet could do without.
Copy !req
1328. Yeah. Me.
Copy !req
1329. Oh! Um, hello?
Copy !req
1330. No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep.
Copy !req
1331. Let's go somewhere.
Copy !req
1332. Definitely. Where did you have in mind?
Copy !req
1333. I know this great restaurant
at the end of the universe.
Copy !req
1334. I am a little peckish.
Copy !req
1335. I need to go to Humma's.
He's got something of mine.
Copy !req
1336. - I think. I'm so confused.
- Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out.
Copy !req
1337. All right, let's trip the
light fantastic, baby. Just you and me.
Copy !req
1338. Come on.
Copy !req
1339. - You got your towel?
- Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it?
Copy !req
1340. - Only always.
- Right. Yeah.
Copy !req
1341. I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel.
Copy !req
1342. OK. Hold tight.
Copy !req
1343. Stand by for commencement
of life cycle. In three, two, one...
Copy !req
1344. All right! Whoo!
Copy !req
1345. Not that
anyone cares what I say,
Copy !req
1346. but the restaurant
is at the other end of the universe.
Copy !req
1347. Yeah!
Copy !req
1348. Play it!
Copy !req
1349. It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives.
Copy !req
1350. But the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
Copy !req
1351. For instance, at the very moment
that Arthur Dent said,
Copy !req
1352. "I wouldn't want to go anywhere
without my wonderful towel",
Copy !req
1353. a freak wormhole opened up in
the fabric of the space-time continuum
Copy !req
1354. and carried his words far,
far back in time,
Copy !req
1355. across almost infinite reaches of space,
to a distant galaxy
Copy !req
1356. where strange and warlike beings
were poised on the brink
Copy !req
1357. of frightful interstellar battle.
Copy !req
1358. The two opposing leaders, resplendent
in their black-jeweled battle shorts
Copy !req
1359. were meeting for the last time,
Copy !req
1360. when a dreadful silence fell.
Copy !req
1361. And at that very moment,
Copy !req
1362. the words "I wouldn't want to go
anywhere without my wonderful towel"
Copy !req
1363. drifted across the conference table.
Copy !req
1364. Unfortunately, in their native tongue,
Copy !req
1365. this was the most appalling
insult imaginable.
Copy !req
1366. So the opposing battle fleets
Copy !req
1367. decided to settle
their remaining differences,
Copy !req
1368. in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
Copy !req
1369. now positively identified
as the source of the offending remark.
Copy !req
1370. For thousands of years,
the mighty starships tore across
Copy !req
1371. the empty wastes of space and finally
dived screaming onto the planet Earth,
Copy !req
1372. where, due to
a terrible miscalculation of scale,
Copy !req
1373. the entire battle fleet was
accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Copy !req
1374. Those who study the complex
interplay of cause and effect
Copy !req
1375. in the history of the universe
Copy !req
1376. say that this sort of thing
is going on all the time.
Copy !req