1. Motherfuckers!Copy !req
2. Fuck.Copy !req
3. Fuck!Copy !req
4. We're almost home, buddy!Copy !req
5. Whoo!Copy !req
6. Whoo!Copy !req
7. Hey-Copy !req
8. My name's Alan and I bought a giraffe!Copy !req
9. He's all mine!Copy !req
10. He's super friendly!Copy !req
11. Oh, wow.Copy !req
12. Look at the giraffe.Copy !req
13. Oh, my God. Where do you think it's going?Copy !req
14. Whoo!Copy !req
15. Oh, my life is great! I have a wonderful life!Copy !req
16. I have a wonderful life!Copy !req
17. Yes, sir. Absolutely, I will.
Thank you so much. No, of course.Copy !req
18. No, no. And again, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
19. That was the mayor, Alan.Copy !req
20. It was an accident.Copy !req
21. You said you'd always love me
no matter what I did.Copy !req
22. I know and I do. You're my best friend.
But, Alan, why would you buy a giraffe?Copy !req
23. I've always wanted one.Copy !req
24. I could feed him from my tree house.Copy !req
25. Besides, they remind me a lot of myself.Copy !req
26. In what way?Copy !req
27. They're majestic, pensive and tall.Copy !req
28. - Pensive?
- Yeah.Copy !req
29. - Where'd you learn that word?
- "Words With Friends."Copy !req
30. - What friends, Alan?
- You can set it on random.Copy !req
31. Alan, aside from the fact
that you shut down a freeway...Copy !req
32. you murdered a wild animal.
It's national news.Copy !req
33. You don't want to know the checks
I had to write to fix this.Copy !req
34. Oh, please. We're rich.Copy !req
35. We are not anything, Alan.Copy !req
36. I am well-off. You are my 40-year-old son—Copy !req
37. Forty-two. I'm 42!Copy !req
38. —42-year-old son who still lives at home.Copy !req
39. You are to go back on your medication
or I'm cutting you off.Copy !req
40. You're bluffing. When's dinner?Copy !req
41. Your mother and I can't take this anymore!Copy !req
42. - Well, you might have to.
- I can't do it!Copy !req
43. I cannot do this!Copy !req
44. I don't care what you say anymoreCopy !req
45. This is my lifeCopy !req
46. Go ahead with your own life
Leave me aloneCopy !req
47. Keep it to yourself
It's my lifeCopy !req
48. Alan! Alan!Copy !req
49. AveCopy !req
50. MariaCopy !req
51. My God, he's got the voice of an angel.Copy !req
52. It's breathtaking.Copy !req
53. AveCopy !req
54. MariaCopy !req
55. I can't believe my daddy is dead.Copy !req
56. I can think of so many people
I would rather have died first.Copy !req
57. Like my mother.Copy !req
58. As many of you know...Copy !req
59. my father and I were extremely close.Copy !req
60. He was my life partner.Copy !req
61. He would often tell me,
almost on a daily basis...Copy !req
62. that I was his favorite child.Copy !req
63. I'll always remember the last words
he said to me:Copy !req
64. "I'm proud of you, Alan.Copy !req
65. Never change."Copy !req
66. Well...Copy !req
67. I heard you loud and clear, Daddy.Copy !req
68. I will never change.Copy !req
69. Never, ever.Copy !req
70. Oh, Morn.Copy !req
71. Go ahead, chief.Copy !req
72. Sid Garner was a beloved husband...Copy !req
73. father and neighbor.Copy !req
74. Wow, rough day.Copy !req
75. - Yeah, how's Tracy doing?
- Not great.Copy !req
76. Her mother's totally on the edge,
and if all this weren't enough...Copy !req
77. apparently Alan's been off his meds
for almost six months.Copy !req
78. Oh, boy.Copy !req
79. Yeah, it has not been pretty.Copy !req
80. - Then there's the whole fucking giraffe thing.
- I thought that was pretty funny.Copy !req
81. - What?
- Come on. He killed a giraffe.Copy !req
82. Who gives a fuck?Copy !req
83. You know, I wasn't gonna say anything,
but Alan's been stopping by my office lately.Copy !req
84. You're kidding me. What for?Copy !req
85. I don't know. He just sits in the waiting room
and reads Highlights magazine.Copy !req
86. Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can,
and then leaves.Copy !req
87. Check it out.Copy !req
88. - Wow.
- Jesus, what are you gonna do with him?Copy !req
89. Actually,
I wanted to talk to you guys about that.Copy !req
90. Linda really wants to stage
an intervention for him.Copy !req
91. An intervention? Really?Copy !req
92. I think that sounds like a great idea.Copy !req
93. Yeah, the thing is...Copy !req
94. she's pretty convinced he won't agree to it
unless all of us are there.Copy !req
95. I mean, you know how he is.Copy !req
96. I don't know. It seems a little extreme to me.Copy !req
97. Oh, God. Look at him now.Copy !req
98. Okay, I'm in. When are we doing it?Copy !req
99. So we talked to Tracy today...Copy !req
100. and she said that the treatment facility
that they found is really nice.Copy !req
101. It's beautiful. I checked it out online.
Great reputation.Copy !req
102. Who gives a fuck? It's in Arizona. We gotta go
on like a two-day drive for this shit?Copy !req
103. Here we go.Copy !req
104. They should just save their money
and send him to fat camp.Copy !req
105. - Phil.
- What?Copy !req
106. He should lose weight. He'll find a woman.
The dude's lonely.Copy !req
107. If he's so lonely,
why don't the you spend more time with him?Copy !req
108. - No, trust me, you don't want that.
- No. You definitely don't want that.Copy !req
109. Come on. He's not that bad.Copy !req
110. I mean, what's the worst that's happened?
The tattoo?Copy !req
111. Yeah, the tattoo's the worst.Copy !req
112. Right?Copy !req
113. Definitely. Tattoo was the worst. Nightmare.Copy !req
114. Speaking of which, you ever get tested?Copy !req
115. Excuse me?Copy !req
116. You know, because of the ink.Copy !req
117. That went inside you.Copy !req
118. I'm fine.Copy !req
119. - Take care.
- All right, good luck tomorrow.Copy !req
120. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
121. - I'll pick you up at 11.
- Perfect.Copy !req
122. Thank you so much.Copy !req
123. Thanks.Copy !req
124. - Again, thank you so much for coming.
- Oh, of course.Copy !req
125. This is Nico. Nico is a good friend of Alan's.Copy !req
126. - What's up, bros?
- Oh, yeah, hey.Copy !req
127. And that's Blanca. Blanca's been with us
since Alan was a baby.Copy !req
128. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
129. And this is Timothy.
Timothy lives across the street.Copy !req
130. He and Alan swim together.Copy !req
131. - Hey, what's up, little man?
- Hey.Copy !req
132. - Why don't you guys take a seat?
- Yeah.Copy !req
133. Tracy's on her way back with Alan right now.Copy !req
134. Obviously, he has no idea this is coming,
so things might get a little intense.Copy !req
135. But, no matter what happens, remember:Copy !req
136. This is all about Alan getting better.Copy !req
137. Mother, Oreo smoothie, now!Copy !req
138. Oh.Copy !req
139. - Hey, everyone.
- Hey.Copy !req
140. Hey, Timothy. Little cold for a swim, isn't it?Copy !req
141. Oh, wow. Look. You went to the pier today.
How was that?Copy !req
142. - We had a great time.
- Yeah.Copy !req
143. I played skee ball for, like, 45 minutes.
It was a pretty sick workout.Copy !req
144. What's going on?Copy !req
145. Uh, ahem, why don't you have a seat, bud?
We just want to talk to you for a sec.Copy !req
146. Okay.Copy !req
147. - Hey, Phil.
- Hey. Yeah.Copy !req
148. - Yeah.
- What's going on?Copy !req
149. Oh, you got me.Copy !req
150. So, Alan...Copy !req
151. we're all here to tell you
about an awesome place...Copy !req
152. called New Horizons.Copy !req
153. That does sound awesome.Copy !req
154. Alan, this is an intervention.Copy !req
155. A what?Copy !req
156. Mom.Copy !req
157. Alan.Copy !req
158. "I love you so much. We all do.Copy !req
159. But we can't keep lying to each other.Copy !req
160. Ever since you were a baby, all I want—"Copy !req
161. Oh, my God, is anybody else falling asleep?Copy !req
162. Alan, listen.Copy !req
163. - No offense, Mom, but you're boring.
- Mr. Alan.Copy !req
164. Oh, now you?Copy !req
165. "I pick up after you for 30 years.Copy !req
166. I cleaned your room.
I see things no one should ever see.Copy !req
167. But I pray for you.Copy !req
168. - Mr. Alan, everyone—"
Hey.Copy !req
169. - Someone should clean that up.
- Alan.Copy !req
170. Alan. You are not well.Copy !req
171. You're off your meds and you're
clearly upsetting your whole family.Copy !req
172. - That's baloney.
- Alan, if you say yes to this...Copy !req
173. we drive you there today, and I promise
you will come back a changed man.Copy !req
174. Who's we? What do you mean, "we"?
Who's we?Copy !req
175. We. All of us. Stu, Phil, me, you.Copy !req
176. You going, Phil?Copy !req
177. I love you, Alan.Copy !req
178. Hey, Alan, you hungry?Copy !req
179. You wanna get some Arby's?Copy !req
180. No, thanks.Copy !req
181. You know, I meant to tell you earlier,
that's a really cool vest you got on.Copy !req
182. Thanks, Phil. It was my dad's.Copy !req
183. He died in it.Copy !req
184. Whoa.Copy !req
185. That's intense.Copy !req
186. Hey, Alan, just want to say what you're doing
is really brave. We're proud of you.Copy !req
187. Yeah, you're gonna do great.Copy !req
188. Stop the car.
I don't want to do this anymore.Copy !req
189. - What?
- I changed my mind.Copy !req
190. Alan, you can't change your mind.
Everybody's counting on you.Copy !req
191. I'm fine just the way I am.
I want to go home.Copy !req
192. Turn the car around.
Now, please! I don't—Copy !req
193. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
194. - Oh, my God! He's doing it on purpose!
- Get out of his way!Copy !req
195. I am, I am.Copy !req
196. - Hey! Hey, get the fuck off!
- You have to exchange information.Copy !req
197. - Why?
- Jesus. Phil!Copy !req
198. - Phil! Phil!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
199. - Get away from him!
- I'm trying!Copy !req
200. - Look out!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
201. AW, Shit! Oh, shit.Copy !req
202. Shit!Copy !req
203. Go, go, go!Copy !req
204. Lock your doors! Doug, look your doors!Copy !req
205. Shit! What's going on?Copy !req
206. Get the fuck— Hang on!Copy !req
207. - Help!
- Let go, fucking asshole!Copy !req
208. - Stu! We're okay.
- We're in an elevator!Copy !req
209. Where are you?Copy !req
210. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
211. Please, this is a huge mistake.Copy !req
212. You got the wrong guys!Copy !req
213. I got the right fucking guys! Get him up.
Pick him up. Put him here.Copy !req
214. - You're Black Doug! That's Black Doug!
- Shut the fuck up with that. Shut the fuck up.Copy !req
215. Oh, my God. It is.Copy !req
216. Alan, tell me right now,
why is Black Doug kidnapping us?Copy !req
217. - I said don't call me that shit no more.
- Sorry.Copy !req
218. - It ain't Alan's fault.
- Thank you, Black Doug.Copy !req
219. - Motherfucker!
- Doug!Copy !req
220. - Doug!Copy !req
221. - Just Doug, okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
222. Why are you doing this?Copy !req
223. Because“.Copy !req
224. I told him to.Copy !req
225. I'm Marshall.Copy !req
226. And whether you know it or not...Copy !req
227. we all have something in common.Copy !req
228. And it all started four years ago
when this moron...Copy !req
229. sold the wrong drugs to this dumb fuck.Copy !req
230. You have no idea the chain of events
that were set in motion that night...Copy !req
231. in the parking lot of a fucking liquor store.Copy !req
232. What up, nigga?Copy !req
233. Excuse me?Copy !req
234. Chill out, I'm not a cop.
Just in town for the night.Copy !req
235. Me and my boys looking to get our freak on.Copy !req
236. You sold Alan roofies.Copy !req
237. Oh, shit. I must've mixed up the bags.Copy !req
238. My fault, Alan.Copy !req
239. Damn. Marshall gonna be pissed off at me
on that one.Copy !req
240. Damn. Marshall gonna be
pissed off at me on that one.Copy !req
241. Marshall?Copy !req
242. You're Marshall.Copy !req
243. You brought us out here because of that?Copy !req
244. You're not here because of that.Copy !req
245. You're here because some Chinaman
I never heard of strolls into my town...Copy !req
246. and takes one of my guys off the street.Copy !req
247. - Mr. Chow?
- Yes.Copy !req
248. Yes, Mr. Leslie fucking Chow.Copy !req
249. You introduced a virus into my life.Copy !req
250. Oh, God, what did he do?Copy !req
251. He fucked me in the ass.Copy !req
252. Oh, he does that from time to time.Copy !req
253. Not literally.Copy !req
254. Jesus!Copy !req
255. A few weeks after your bullshit, I get word...Copy !req
256. this sheik is coming in from Abu Dhabi.Copy !req
257. MARSHALL'. He was looking to make some
less-than-legal investments.Copy !req
258. He brought his two wives...Copy !req
259. and $42 million in gold bars.Copy !req
260. It was a lay-up.Copy !req
261. Get down! Get down!Copy !req
262. MARSHALL'.
We took it all.Copy !req
263. Two vans, each with 21 million in gold.Copy !req
264. My guys split up.Copy !req
265. One of them made it back...Copy !req
266. one of them didn't.Copy !req
267. ls there a problem, officer?Copy !req
268. Not anymore, motherfucker.Copy !req
269. Leslie Chow stole $21 million from me...Copy !req
270. on a Tuesday.Copy !req
271. Oh, God.Copy !req
272. I looked everywhere for him.Copy !req
273. But he's gone, no one can find him.Copy !req
274. Until the little cockroach got himself pinched
in Bangkok.Copy !req
275. So I pay him a visit.Copy !req
276. MARSHALL".
I offer him a truce.Copy !req
277. I won't touch a hair on his head.Copy !req
278. I just want him to tell me where my gold is.Copy !req
279. He refuses to talk.Copy !req
280. Not only does he refuse to talk to me...Copy !req
281. he has no communication with anyone
from the outside...Copy !req
282. except you!Copy !req
283. Hey-Copy !req
284. It's unfair!Copy !req
285. Alan, you been talking to Chow?Copy !req
286. - They've been writing letters.
- Hey, those are private!Copy !req
287. "Dear Leslie, OMG, the McRib is back!
Why was it ever gone?"Copy !req
288. Exactly!Copy !req
289. "Dear Alan,
I threw urine on prison guard today.Copy !req
290. Blamed it on cellmate. Wish you were here."Copy !req
291. Yeah, I wish I could've seen that.Copy !req
292. Letter after letter of total nonsense...Copy !req
293. except for one common thread:Copy !req
294. You guys!Copy !req
295. The wolf pack.Copy !req
296. Jesus Christ, Alan.Copy !req
297. Five weeks ago, Chow escaped
from maximum security detention.Copy !req
298. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
299. He stowed aboard a shipping freighter
bound for the West Coast.Copy !req
300. - Where is he?
- I don't know.Copy !req
301. Alan, if you know where he is,
you tell this man right now.Copy !req
302. Phil, I don't know, I swear.
I haven't talked to him in months.Copy !req
303. We gotta do it the hard way.Copy !req
304. - Oh, no!
- What the fuck? Hey!Copy !req
305. - Let's go.
- Hey! No! No! What the fuck?Copy !req
306. Whoa, what are you doing?Copy !req
307. Doug is my insurance. He stays with me.Copy !req
308. You don't give me Chow,
I blow his brains out.Copy !req
309. You go to the cops...Copy !req
310. I blow his brains out.Copy !req
311. That's insane! We don't even know
where the fuck he is!Copy !req
312. No one does.Copy !req
313. But I figure the wolf pack
has the best chance of finding him.Copy !req
314. You have three days.Copy !req
315. Get to work.Copy !req
316. Can you take Stu instead?Copy !req
317. Fuck you, Alan.Copy !req
318. Shit.Copy !req
319. Shit!Copy !req
320. - Alan.
- Yeah, Phil?Copy !req
321. I need you to roll over here
and chew off these hand-ties.Copy !req
322. Okay.Copy !req
323. - Oh.
- Damn it!Copy !req
324. Ow. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
325. - Got a little too much steam.
- Get off me.Copy !req
326. All right, let me just shimmy down.Copy !req
327. - Would you just hold still? Hold still!
- OW.Copy !req
328. Help!Copy !req
329. Help!Copy !req
330. Holy shit.Copy !req
331. What are we gonna do, Stu?Copy !req
332. - We're gonna go to the police.
- Oh, no, we're fucking not.Copy !req
333. Did you hear that guy?Copy !req
334. He will kill Doug, period.Copy !req
335. Chow is a cancer.Copy !req
336. He's been a cancer
since the first day we met him.Copy !req
337. We're gonna hand him over to Marshall
and then it's done.Copy !req
338. - Hey, Phil.
- Alan, not now.Copy !req
339. But I need you, Stu. I can't do this alone.Copy !req
340. Do what alone?
We have no idea where he even is.Copy !req
341. - Phil.
- What, Alan?Copy !req
342. I was gonna say I got this strange e-mail
the other day.Copy !req
343. I wasn't sure what it meant,
but now I think it might be from Chow.Copy !req
344. "Fatty, it feels good to be out.Copy !req
345. I'm close by. Tell no one. I'll be in touch.Copy !req
346. Chow."Copy !req
347. This says "Chow."
How did you not know this was from Chow?Copy !req
348. At the time, I thought it was "Chow"
like "goodbye."Copy !req
349. You know, like, "Chow, arrivederci."Copy !req
350. - You know, Sbarro, Papa John's.
- I'm writing him back.Copy !req
351. Whoa, wait, wait. Just hold on.Copy !req
352. Gonna tell him you're happy he's out
and you'd love to see him.Copy !req
353. Ooh, I would love to see him.Copy !req
354. Do you even know what's going on?Copy !req
355. Yes, I do. Phil's doing all the work,
I'm his assistant...Copy !req
356. - ... you're standing there looking like an idiot.
- I'm gonna arrange a meeting...Copy !req
357. - ... and we're gonna take him out.
- "Take him out"?Copy !req
358. Who says that?
How do we take someone out?Copy !req
359. We'll use drugs.Copy !req
360. Prescription drugs.Copy !req
361. You know, the kind a dentist has access to.Copy !req
362. Good luck finding a dentist
who will write fake prescriptions.Copy !req
363. Oh, I know one. His name is Stuart Price.Copy !req
364. Now let's go find a fucking pharmacy.Copy !req
365. Whoo! You just got schooled, son.Copy !req
366. Are you coming or not?Copy !req
367. I don't like this plan.Copy !req
368. Okay, then. Ciao.Copy !req
369. I got a pretty dope sense of humor, bro!Copy !req
370. This amount with syringes is just weird.
Go check it out.Copy !req
371. Everything okay?Copy !req
372. Well, it's just a strange request.Copy !req
373. This drug in this amount
and a pack of syringes.Copy !req
374. - It's just a little weird.
- Yeah.Copy !req
375. It's just kind of an emergency, so...Copy !req
376. See, that right there, and you're acting
all fidgety, plus you look like shit...Copy !req
377. in our business, these are all red flags.Copy !req
378. I need to call the doctor,
make sure everything's okay.Copy !req
379. Aha. You're in luck, because I actually am
the prescribing doctor.Copy !req
380. Oh, boy. Another red flag.Copy !req
381. It says here you're a dentist.Copy !req
382. Yeah. Doctor of Dental Science.Copy !req
383. This is fucked up.Copy !req
384. Hey, Dad?Copy !req
385. I think we got a live one.Copy !req
386. How'd we do?Copy !req
387. We did good.
I got Demerol, a pack of syringes...Copy !req
388. and almost lost my dental license.Copy !req
389. - What about Chow? Anything?
- No.Copy !req
390. Oh, look at this.
He e-mailed me like 20 minutes ago.Copy !req
391. Alan, we've been sit—Copy !req
392. Give me the phone, please.Copy !req
393. - What does it say?
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
394. He wants to meet Alan tonight at 8.
It says come alone.Copy !req
395. - Come alone where?
- A bus stop.Copy !req
396. In Tijuana.Copy !req
397. Tijuana's the bomb.Copy !req
398. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
399. No, that's perfect.
No, it's like a three-hour drive from here.Copy !req
400. Yeah, Stu, try reading a map.Copy !req
401. Yeah, Alan, try reading anything ever.Copy !req
402. Yeah, Stu, try not having
such big horse teeth.Copy !req
403. All right, we need a plan.Copy !req
404. They're meeting on a bus bench
in a public place...Copy !req
405. so Alan needs to convince Chow
to go someplace more private.Copy !req
406. Someplace where we can sneak up on him
and drug him.Copy !req
407. Like where?Copy !req
408. I don't know, like an alley.Copy !req
409. What about a movie theater?Copy !req
410. Fuck, that's actually a great idea.Copy !req
411. The lights go down...Copy !req
412. we take the seats behind him,
we jab him and it's fucking done.Copy !req
413. I'll jab him if you want.
I've drugged people before.Copy !req
414. Yeah, us.Copy !req
415. No offense, but we're not letting you handle
any drugs. You'll kill someone.Copy !req
416. Oh, please, I'm an expert.Copy !req
417. Remember the marshmallows in Thailand?Copy !req
418. Yeah?Copy !req
419. I made it so you could eat at least three
before hitting a fatal dose.Copy !req
420. Wait.Copy !req
421. So you're saying I would've died
if I had had four?Copy !req
422. Nobody eats four marshmallows, Stu.Copy !req
423. That insane theory is the only reason
I'm still alive'?Copy !req
424. Yes! And you're welcome, by the way.Copy !req
425. Don't say "you're welcome"
for almost killing me.Copy !req
426. - Fine.
- Thank you.Copy !req
427. - You're welcome.
- Goddamn it!Copy !req
428. Oh, God.Copy !req
429. You know, you were right.Copy !req
430. - About what?
- That place in Arizona. It's not gonna help him.Copy !req
431. There is no facility that can fix this guy.Copy !req
432. We're gonna spend the rest of our lives
dealing with him...Copy !req
433. because we're all he has now.Copy !req
434. You realize that? We're it.Copy !req
435. Oh, shit, check it out.Copy !req
436. Is that Chow?Copy !req
437. Hey, fat stuff.Copy !req
438. - Leslie.
- Uh-uh-uh.Copy !req
439. - Act cool. Eyes forward.
- Yeah, okay.Copy !req
440. - Anyone follow you?
- No, I don't think so.Copy !req
441. Good, good.Copy !req
442. Gotta keep low profile right now.
Chow wanted man.Copy !req
443. Can't trust anyone.Copy !req
444. Quick, give me some sugar.
Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
445. What the fuck?Copy !req
446. Did he just kiss him?Copy !req
447. Listen, I'm in a bit of a pickle, Alan.Copy !req
448. - I need a friend.
- Well, I'm your friend, Leslie.Copy !req
449. Exactly. That's why I called you down here.Copy !req
450. You're the only person I can trust
in this shit-hole of a life.Copy !req
451. That's not true.
Stu and Phil are your friends.Copy !req
452. Oh, really?Copy !req
453. That's interesting.Copy !req
454. Where are they?Copy !req
455. - Around.
- Around where?Copy !req
456. I don't know.Copy !req
457. - Motherfucker! I told you to come alone!
- Leslie.Copy !req
458. Shit.Copy !req
459. - What happened?
- Is he leaving?Copy !req
460. We'll talk more! I'll give you another kiss!Copy !req
461. He's coming this way.Copy !req
462. Get down. Get down.Copy !req
463. - Fuck.
- Leslie!Copy !req
464. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
465. - Get out of the car, you mutts!
- Leslie, no!Copy !req
466. - Get off me, fat clown!
- Chow! Chow, calm down!Copy !req
467. - Who sent you?
- No one! No.Copy !req
468. - We just wanted to see you!
- Liar! No one wants to see Chow!Copy !req
469. No, we— We miss you.Copy !req
470. - What?
- We miss you, Chow!Copy !req
471. - That's it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
472. We miss you.Copy !req
473. You miss me?Copy !req
474. So much.Copy !req
475. You miss Chow.Copy !req
476. Yeah, buddy.Copy !req
477. We love you, Chow.Copy !req
478. I hurt myself todayCopy !req
479. To see if I still feelCopy !req
480. I focus on the painCopy !req
481. The only thing that's realCopy !req
482. What have I becomeCopy !req
483. What the fuck am I watching?Copy !req
484. My sweetest friendCopy !req
485. Everyone I knowCopy !req
486. Goes away in the endCopy !req
487. - Is that gonna be enough?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
488. This will take about a minute to kick in.
We'll tell the waitress he's drunk.Copy !req
489. By the time we get to the car,
he'll be out cold.Copy !req
490. My empire of dirtCopy !req
491. I will let you downCopy !req
492. I will make you hurtCopy !req
493. Alan, sit down.Copy !req
494. That was really nice, Chow.Copy !req
495. Thanks, Phil.Copy !req
496. The key is to sing from your heart.Copy !req
497. So Mexico, huh?
What are you doing down here?Copy !req
498. You know, fucking, doing blow.
Same old, same old.Copy !req
499. Ooh, I got into cockfighting.Copy !req
500. - Oh, cockfighting. That sounds wonderful.
- Yes.Copy !req
501. Basically, been killing it down here.Copy !req
502. That is just terrific. Right?Copy !req
503. I mean, that's terrific.
I think that calls for a toast.Copy !req
504. I like that.Copy !req
505. - To killing it.
- Killing it.Copy !req
506. Yeah, to killing it.Copy !req
507. Mm.Copy !req
508. You okay, Chow?Copy !req
509. I don't know. You tell me.Copy !req
510. So how many rooster birds do you have,
Chow?Copy !req
511. - Aah!
- Huh?Copy !req
512. - Shh. Act cool or I open his vein.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
513. Why you wanna drug poor Chow?Copy !req
514. No, no. It's not what you think.
There's this guy Marshall.Copy !req
515. Marshall? How you know that fat fuck?Copy !req
516. He says you took his gold. He's got Doug.
He'll kill him unless we bring you back.Copy !req
517. It's true! I swear to God, it's true!Copy !req
518. Chow. Chow, that's the truth.Copy !req
519. Goddamn it!Copy !req
520. That motherfucker.Copy !req
521. Stu, you okay?Copy !req
522. - You all right?
- No.Copy !req
523. We're sorry, Chow.Copy !req
524. We're sorry.Copy !req
525. - We didn't know what else to do.
- Next time, don't lie to Chow.Copy !req
526. You're right. You are so right,
and we made a huge mistake.Copy !req
527. So, what do we do now?Copy !req
528. That depends.Copy !req
529. Can I trust you?Copy !req
530. What is this place, Chow?Copy !req
531. My house.Copy !req
532. Chow used to be on top of the world.Copy !req
533. Had three beautiful homes
in three different countries.Copy !req
534. But this one, my Mexican villa...Copy !req
535. this was my favorite.Copy !req
536. And everything got fucked.Copy !req
537. Chow go to prison, all my property seized.Copy !req
538. My homes...Copy !req
539. sold at auction to highest bidders.Copy !req
540. But I know something no one else knows.Copy !req
541. This house is where I stashed the gold.Copy !req
542. - Marshall's gold?
- Yep.Copy !req
543. Hid it inside the basement wall.Copy !req
544. No one knows it's there.Copy !req
545. We're gonna go get it.Copy !req
546. Wait. You mean break in?Copy !req
547. Look, Marshall wants his gold.Copy !req
548. And he's gonna hunt me down
until he gets it.Copy !req
549. If we show up without it, he'll kill me.Copy !req
550. We're not breaking in anywhere.Copy !req
551. Not anywhere, Stu. My house.Copy !req
552. It's piece of cake.Copy !req
553. I know every square inch of this place.Copy !req
554. The best part, the guy we're stealing it from
doesn't even know it's there.Copy !req
555. So he'll never know it's gone.Copy !req
556. You guys know what's going on, right?Copy !req
557. What do you mean?Copy !req
558. Well, and please correct me if I'm wrong,
we're not breaking into this house.Copy !req
559. This house is too small.Copy !req
560. We're breaking into another house.
This is just a model, right?Copy !req
561. What? Alan, no!Copy !req
562. My chickens!Copy !req
563. Oh, shit!Copy !req
564. Chow, what the fuck'?Copy !req
565. Watch out for the claws! They're trained to kill!Copy !req
566. His beak is so sharp!Copy !req
567. Ow! Ow!Copy !req
568. - Oh, fuck!
- Stay still, I'm trying to help.Copy !req
569. - Don't!
- Get it off!Copy !req
570. - Fucking bull's-eye!
- Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
571. Shoot it! Shoot it! Shoot it!Copy !req
572. Stu, the window!Copy !req
573. - Get it out!
- Okay, okay!Copy !req
574. Get it out!Copy !req
575. Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
576. Don't struggle. Let go.Copy !req
577. You won a lot of fights, Wallace.Copy !req
578. Not this time.Copy !req
579. - What the fuck is wrong with those chickens?
- They're angry.Copy !req
580. All I feed them is cocaine.Copy !req
581. And chicken.Copy !req
582. That's some house, Chow.Copy !req
583. It was my Shangri-La. Now it's gone.Copy !req
584. Could you not spit inside my minivan,
please? Jesus.Copy !req
585. Who lives there now?Copy !req
586. Some dot-com millionaire. He's never here.Copy !req
587. This is a vacation home.Copy !req
588. The help doesn't show up on Sundays.Copy !req
589. No one there but the guard dogs. Stu?Copy !req
590. We'll toss these burgers over the gate,
wait for the Demerol to kick in.Copy !req
591. Make sure you put in enough to kill them.Copy !req
592. We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow.Copy !req
593. This will knock them out for hours.Copy !req
594. Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you worked for PETA.Copy !req
595. - What a pussy.
- Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
596. Alan, take that.Copy !req
597. Aah!Copy !req
598. - Where are you going?
- You'll see.Copy !req
599. Pardon me, little loser.Copy !req
600. Excuse me, fucking asshole.Copy !req
601. Follow me.Copy !req
602. two security panels inside.Copy !req
603. If you cut only one wire, it triggers alarm.Copy !req
604. Place will be crawling with cops.Copy !req
605. But if you cut wire on both panels
at same time, alarm disabled.Copy !req
606. Yeah, but how are we gonna get inside
without tripping the alarm?Copy !req
607. Check this out.Copy !req
608. - Any more stupid questions?
- Whoa.Copy !req
609. Now, who's coming with me?Copy !req
610. I'll do it.Copy !req
611. You wanna tell him?Copy !req
612. Oh, um...Copy !req
613. Alan, you're just too fat.Copy !req
614. Roger that.Copy !req
615. OW. Ahh.Copy !req
616. You kicked me, you motherfucker.Copy !req
617. No, no, no. Don't get up.
Will trip motion detectors.Copy !req
618. Stay low like dog.Copy !req
619. Okay. Good idea.Copy !req
620. - Which way?
- In there. The kitchen.Copy !req
621. Aah! What the fuck is that?Copy !req
622. Ha, ha.
I'm saying hello. We're dogs, remember?Copy !req
623. Hey, Stu?Copy !req
624. Check it out.Copy !req
625. Oh, my God! So gross!Copy !req
626. God! Chow, cut it out!Copy !req
627. Okay, I'm here.Copy !req
628. Now what?Copy !req
629. Pull the cover off so you can see the wires.Copy !req
630. Okay.Copy !req
631. Okay. Done!Copy !req
632. Okay, on three, out the gray wire.Copy !req
633. One, two...Copy !req
634. Wait. Wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
635. I don't have a gray wire.
I have red, green and yellow.Copy !req
636. That's weird. I have light gray,
medium gray, dark gray.Copy !req
637. You do?Copy !req
638. Motherfucker.Copy !req
639. My bad. I'm colorblind.Copy !req
640. You're what?Copy !req
641. Fuck it, just out the middle one.Copy !req
642. No, my middle one could be different.
The wires are all twisted.Copy !req
643. - On three. One, two—
- Chow, stop!Copy !req
644. God.Copy !req
645. Hold on, I'm coming to you.Copy !req
646. What the fuck's taking them so long?Copy !req
647. Where'd you get that shirt, the Diesel store?Copy !req
648. Phil.Copy !req
649. What?Copy !req
650. It's a cute top. Where did you get that shirt?Copy !req
651. What's the problem?Copy !req
652. Just point to the wire you want me to out.Copy !req
653. - This gray one right here.
- Great.Copy !req
654. For your information, that's green.Copy !req
655. Ooh, tsk, tsk, tsk.Copy !req
656. Which one's red?Copy !req
657. The one in your left hand.Copy !req
658. - Wait, which hand is that? I'm also dyslexic.
- What the fuck?Copy !req
659. - Where'd you get it?
- I don't know. I'll find out, I'll get you one.Copy !req
660. There's a cool Diesel store in the mall
that I like to go to. Right next to the food court.Copy !req
661. I don't know if it's Diesel.Copy !req
662. Looks like a Diesel.Copy !req
663. What's the matter with you?Copy !req
664. Okay, you're still holding
the one I left you with, right?Copy !req
665. Pretty much. Heh, heh.Copy !req
666. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
667. All right. On three!Copy !req
668. One...Copy !req
669. two...Copy !req
670. three.Copy !req
671. Holy shit, it worked.Copy !req
672. All good?Copy !req
673. - Easy peasy.
- All right.Copy !req
674. You have no idea.Copy !req
675. Come on.Copy !req
676. Whoops.Copy !req
677. - Jesus, be careful, Chow.
- Ha, ha.Copy !req
678. Fuck this guy.Copy !req
679. Living in my house. Living my life.Copy !req
680. Can we just stick to the plan?Copy !req
681. Fine.Copy !req
682. Ha, ha. Ruined.Copy !req
683. He is completely out of control.Copy !req
684. Let's just get this done.Copy !req
685. This way. Come on, come on.Copy !req
686. It's buried behind this wall.Copy !req
687. - Alan.
- Here you go, boss.Copy !req
688. Aah!Copy !req
689. Fuck!Copy !req
690. - You okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.Copy !req
691. Just warming up.Copy !req
692. It's so heavy. Do we have a lighter one?Copy !req
693. - Why don't you just let me do it, Chow?
- Okay. Either way, you or me. Same thing.Copy !req
694. You might wanna take your shirt off.
Makes it easier.Copy !req
695. - What?
- I've heard that too.Copy !req
696. See that? Chow come back for you.Copy !req
697. That's the last of it.Copy !req
698. You sure?Copy !req
699. - Yeah.
- You triple sure?Copy !req
700. - Yes!
- Good! Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
701. Chow?Copy !req
702. Chow?Copy !req
703. Chow!Copy !req
704. Chow!Copy !req
705. Chow!Copy !req
706. Chow!Copy !req
707. Chow, open this fucking door right now!Copy !req
708. Chow!Copy !req
709. Stuart Price.Copy !req
710. No felonies. One arrest:Copy !req
711. Las Vegas, Nevada.Copy !req
712. Phil Wenneck.Copy !req
713. No felonies. One arrest:Copy !req
714. Also Las Vegas, Nevada.Copy !req
715. Alan Garner.Copy !req
716. Is this record accurate?Copy !req
717. Uh-huh.Copy !req
718. I did that. Mm-hm.Copy !req
719. Yeah.Copy !req
720. Masturbating on a city bus.
Yep, that was me.Copy !req
721. Look, we've been here for 5 hours.Copy !req
722. We already told your guys everything.Copy !req
723. No.Copy !req
724. You told them a story
about a little Chinese man.Copy !req
725. Leslie Chow. He's an international criminal.
Look it up.Copy !req
726. A little Chinese man that no one in town
has seen or heard of.Copy !req
727. The hotel where you say he's staying?
No one there.Copy !req
728. Probably because he left town.Copy !req
729. That's one theory.Copy !req
730. Another theory is that you're lying.Copy !req
731. "Lewd behavior, Cracker Barrel,
Christmas Eve."Copy !req
732. Excuse me.Copy !req
733. We're fucking dead.Copy !req
734. Why would Mr. Chow do this?Copy !req
735. Because he's a greedy piece of shit
who used us.Copy !req
736. - Yeah, but he's our friend.
- Oh.Copy !req
737. Grow up, Alan.Copy !req
738. You're free to leave.Copy !req
739. All the charges have been dropped.Copy !req
740. By who?Copy !req
741. It's your lucky day.Copy !req
742. There's a car waiting for you out front.Copy !req
743. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
744. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
745. What?Copy !req
746. I'm sorry.Copy !req
747. What is this?Copy !req
748. Get in the car.Copy !req
749. Excuse me, sir?Copy !req
750. Where we headed?Copy !req
751. Welcome back.Copy !req
752. - What the fuck?
- Let's go, guys.Copy !req
753. Out to the back.Copy !req
754. - Doug?
- Guys. Careful.Copy !req
755. Get your ass back over here.Copy !req
756. Leslie Chow never lived here.Copy !req
757. You didn't break into his old house.Copy !req
758. You broke into my house.Copy !req
759. I don't understand.Copy !req
760. You didn't get back the gold
he stole from me.Copy !req
761. You got the other half that he didn't.Copy !req
762. Oh, my God!Copy !req
763. What, you mean the half he never had?Copy !req
764. He's a world-class rat,
and you three were his accomplices.Copy !req
765. - No!
- We had no idea.Copy !req
766. We were trying to help you.
We thought you'd be happy!Copy !req
767. Thank you so much.Copy !req
768. Thank you for ripping me off.Copy !req
769. Thank you for desecrating my home!Copy !req
770. And thank you for killing my fucking dogs!Copy !req
771. We didn't kill your dogs.
They're just tranquilized.Copy !req
772. Oh, right.Copy !req
773. You don't know.Copy !req
774. - Chow snapped their necks on his way out.
- What?Copy !req
775. And somebody's gotta pay.Copy !req
776. - He's right.
- No, no, no! Aah!Copy !req
777. My head of security.Copy !req
778. Couldn't stop three fuckups and a Chinaman
with a pair of wire cutters.Copy !req
779. Unreal.Copy !req
780. Aw. Man.Copy !req
781. That's okay. I know it's scary.Copy !req
782. Hector. Run upstairs and grab a pair
of sweatpants for Alan here.Copy !req
783. I'm a 44 slim.Copy !req
784. Can you bring me a few options?Copy !req
785. You found Chow once. Find him again.Copy !req
786. And my gold.Copy !req
787. Wait.Copy !req
788. We don't even have a car.
Chow stole my minivan.Copy !req
789. Take the limo. Hector has the keys.Copy !req
790. And get going.Copy !req
791. I'm killing Dougs today.Copy !req
792. - I never saw anyone get killed before.
- Right?Copy !req
793. My God, that was so intense.Copy !req
794. I mean, he just fell and then he's dead.Copy !req
795. I feel sick.Copy !req
796. Me too.Copy !req
797. Well, maybe we should get some food, guys.Copy !req
798. What are we gonna do?
We have no idea where Chow is.Copy !req
799. I don't know.Copy !req
800. He took your minivan.
We could report it stolen...Copy !req
801. and then they could track him down?Copy !req
802. It's worth a shot.Copy !req
803. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
804. I left my phone in the minivan.Copy !req
805. Well, if you lost your phone, Phil,
I have that Find My Phone app.Copy !req
806. We have bigger problems than that, Alan.Copy !req
807. No, wait, wait, wait.
If your phone's in the minivan...Copy !req
808. and Chow has the minivan,
then your phone's with Chow!Copy !req
809. You heard him.
We have bigger problems than that, Stu.Copy !req
810. Alan, give me your phone. Quick.Copy !req
811. - That's brilliant.
- Yes.Copy !req
812. - Wait, what's your password?
- "Hey Phil."Copy !req
813. - Yeah?
- No, that's it.Copy !req
814. - What?
- That's my password.Copy !req
815. "Hey Phil."Copy !req
816. It is it.Copy !req
817. Phil gets it.Copy !req
818. Nothing worse than losing your phone.Copy !req
819. You just saw a man get murdered.
Your brother-in-law is kidnapped.Copy !req
820. You sure there's nothing worse?Copy !req
821. You don't get it, Stu.Copy !req
822. You just don't get it, do you?Copy !req
823. Wave over 60 apps on that phone.Copy !req
824. What if I lost my phone?Copy !req
825. Do you have any idea how much time
and man-hours it would take...Copy !req
826. to re-download those apps?Copy !req
827. You are right.
I had not thought of that. Thank you.Copy !req
828. Oh, God, it's not always about you, Stu!Copy !req
829. It's locating.Copy !req
830. - Oh, God, of course.
- What?Copy !req
831. Where is he?Copy !req
832. He's in fucking Vegas.Copy !req
833. - Shotgun.
- Oh.Copy !req
834. Oh, no.Copy !req
835. Hey, Stu?Copy !req
836. I don't enjoy talking to you that way.Copy !req
837. I don't know why you insist
on making me blow my top.Copy !req
838. We've been on a lot of adventures together...Copy !req
839. but it seems like you haven't
learned anything.Copy !req
840. Anything!Copy !req
841. You think on it.Copy !req
842. I'll be in the limo.Copy !req
843. He's okay.Copy !req
844. Someone needs to burn this place
to the ground.Copy !req
845. I told myself I would never come back.Copy !req
846. Well, don't worry.Copy !req
847. It all ends tonight.Copy !req
848. It says 200 yards up on the right.Copy !req
849. And there it is.Copy !req
850. Amazing.Copy !req
851. Looks like he ditched it.Copy !req
852. - It's open.
- No shit.Copy !req
853. Well, look around.Copy !req
854. Let's see if he left anything in here.Copy !req
855. - I found the Demerol.
- Good. Keep it, we're gonna need it.Copy !req
856. I got my phone. No fucking keys, though.Copy !req
857. - Alan, anything?
- No, not even the gold.Copy !req
858. - Why the fuck would Chow come down here?
- I know, right?Copy !req
859. Why here?Copy !req
860. You can't match the pure strength and power...Copy !req
861. of John Cena!Copy !req
862. - Cena puts Punk down!
- Oh! Ha, ha.Copy !req
863. Nice!Copy !req
864. Excuse me.
Have you happened to see the driver...Copy !req
865. of that minivan that's out front?
Short Asian guy?Copy !req
866. Yeah, they're all short.Copy !req
867. Ha, ha. That's so true.Copy !req
868. Right, but he may have been trying
to pawn some gold.Copy !req
869. That would be my business, wouldn't it?Copy !req
870. I like your T-shirt.Copy !req
871. I saw that show at the Forum.Copy !req
872. He played "Captain Jack."Copy !req
873. Yeah, I heard that was legendary.Copy !req
874. Woman...Copy !req
875. you have no idea.Copy !req
876. Try me.Copy !req
877. Cassie, I'm hungry.
I thought you ordered Chinese.Copy !req
878. Mom, I'm with a customer!Copy !req
879. - You'll eat when I say it's time to eat!
- But the doctor—Copy !req
880. If you don't reverse that right now,
there's gonna be hell to pay.Copy !req
881. She's rude.Copy !req
882. Thank you.Copy !req
883. Yeah, you hear that, Ma? Nobody likes you!Copy !req
884. Yeah, keep your mouth shut!Copy !req
885. Whoa.Copy !req
886. You're smart.Copy !req
887. A Chinese guy came in here earlier.Copy !req
888. It was pretty weird.Copy !req
889. He pawned a gold brick.Copy !req
890. The thing's worth 400 grand,
he took 18,000.Copy !req
891. - Did he say where he was going?
- I'm sorry, was I talking to you?Copy !req
892. He said he wanted three things:Copy !req
893. He wanted some girls,
some guys and some bath salts.Copy !req
894. I gave him a card for an escort service
and he took off.Copy !req
895. Pretty high-end,
so good luck getting anything out of them.Copy !req
896. Thank you.Copy !req
897. We gotta go. We should go.Copy !req
898. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
899. I'll get it, I'll get it. I'll get it.Copy !req
900. Anything?Copy !req
901. No, I'm still on hold.Copy !req
902. Oh, look how happy this fucking guy is.Copy !req
903. Have you ever witnessed a moment
with that much heat?Copy !req
904. I mean, white-hot heat, bro!Copy !req
905. No, it was pretty intense.Copy !req
906. Yeah!Copy !req
907. Yeah, it's actually an emergency.Copy !req
908. He has a thick Asian accent.Copy !req
909. I totally get it...Copy !req
910. but this is a highly unusual circumstance
and—Copy !req
911. Okay. All right.Copy !req
912. It's an escort service.Copy !req
913. They're not gonna tell us shit.Copy !req
914. Maybe an escort would.Copy !req
915. - You still have her number?
- Yeah, but...Copy !req
916. it'd be pretty awkward.Copy !req
917. It's all we got.Copy !req
918. She smiled at me again,
from inside the shop.Copy !req
919. Ha, ha. This is the best day of my life.Copy !req
920. Hey!Copy !req
921. On, my God, you guys-Copy !req
922. It's been so long.Copy !req
923. - Come in, come in.
- Thank you.Copy !req
924. - You look great.
- So do you! You're pregnant.Copy !req
925. I feel so fat.Copy !req
926. Oh, please.Copy !req
927. Do you guys mind taking your shoes off?
I'm a germ freak.Copy !req
928. - Yeah, sure.
- Of course.Copy !req
929. Alan.Copy !req
930. Alan, what are you doing?Copy !req
931. Sorry.Copy !req
932. - Wow, you have a great house.
- Thank you.Copy !req
933. I got married a year ago to a surgeon.Copy !req
934. - Another doctor, can you believe it?
- Another doctor.Copy !req
935. His name's Jeff. You guys would love him.Copy !req
936. Tyler, say hi to Mommy's friends.Copy !req
937. Hi.Copy !req
938. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
939. Wait, is that the baby?Copy !req
940. Yeah, time flies, huh?Copy !req
941. Wow.Copy !req
942. Jade is there a place we could talk
that's a little bit more private?Copy !req
943. Let's go in the kitchen.
You guys want coffee?Copy !req
944. Perfect.Copy !req
945. He)', you coming?Copy !req
946. Is it okay if I go say hello to the little guy?Copy !req
947. Of course.Copy !req
948. Nice stuff.Copy !req
949. Thanks. Jeff bought it for me.Copy !req
950. Jeff. Who's that, your fake dad?Copy !req
951. Your name was Carlos once.Copy !req
952. Did you know that?Copy !req
953. No.Copy !req
954. Well, it was.Copy !req
955. And, frankly, it suits you better.Copy !req
956. Okay.Copy !req
957. Do you remember me?Copy !req
958. No.Copy !req
959. Are you my real dad?Copy !req
960. Yes.Copy !req
961. I don't know. You gotta understand,
I've been out of that world a few years now.Copy !req
962. Yeah, of course. We totally get that.Copy !req
963. I mean, Jeff knows everything
and he's cool, but—Copy !req
964. We're just asking if you can call around...Copy !req
965. just find out if anybody
might know where he is.Copy !req
966. We could really use your help.Copy !req
967. You used to love it
when I would carry you around.Copy !req
968. Sometimes I can still feel your little head
on my chest.Copy !req
969. So do you like this new Jeff guy?Copy !req
970. Yeah, he's nice.Copy !req
971. My dad was nice too.
We did everything together.Copy !req
972. He was my life partner, heh.Copy !req
973. I really let him down.Copy !req
974. Okay. Wow.Copy !req
975. Just trust me, you don't want to go
over there, okay? Not this one.Copy !req
976. I love you too.Copy !req
977. She says there's this crazy Chinese guy...Copy !req
978. and he's holed up in the penthouse suite
of Caesars Palace.Copy !req
979. There's girls going in and out,
drugs everywhere...Copy !req
980. It sounds like a bad scene.Copy !req
981. Hey, Alan?Copy !req
982. We gotta go.Copy !req
983. I gotta go, little man.Copy !req
984. It was great talking to you.Copy !req
985. High five.Copy !req
986. - It's great to see you.
- You too, Jade.Copy !req
987. - Thanks so much for your help.
- Yeah.Copy !req
988. That's a great kid you got there.Copy !req
989. He is the best.Copy !req
990. Alan.Copy !req
991. Oh, hold on. I have something for you.Copy !req
992. Perfect.Copy !req
993. Oh, please.Copy !req
994. I'll see you around, Carlos.Copy !req
995. - Yeah.
- We got him.Copy !req
996. - Great. Where is he?
- Caesars Palace.Copy !req
997. Change of plans.
Tell him we're going to Vegas.Copy !req
998. I'm on my way.Copy !req
999. There's a spot just outside of town.Copy !req
1000. I'll text you the details. Be there at 6 a.m.Copy !req
1001. And make sure the little fucker's tied up.Copy !req
1002. We don't have him.Copy !req
1003. Hey, Marshall, it's Phil.Copy !req
1004. Maybe Stu wasn't clear.Copy !req
1005. We don't actually have Chow,
we just know where he is.Copy !req
1006. Yeah, and we were hoping
that you and your guys...Copy !req
1007. could go to Caesars and get him.
- I don't give a fuck what you were hoping.Copy !req
1008. The deal is you bring Chow to me.Copy !req
1009. - Oh, fuck.
- 6 a.m. Or your friend is dead.Copy !req
1010. Shit.Copy !req
1011. Oh, God.Copy !req
1012. This place gives me the chills.Copy !req
1013. I know, right?Copy !req
1014. It's great to be back.Copy !req
1015. - So many good memories.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1016. Okay, so here's the deal:Copy !req
1017. You need a key just to get onto his floor.Copy !req
1018. And then once you're there,
he's got security posted at the door.Copy !req
1019. It's ridiculous.Copy !req
1020. Let me guess, that's him?Copy !req
1021. Yep. The one with the strobe lights.Copy !req
1022. I got an idea.Copy !req
1023. But you're not gonna like it.Copy !req
1024. It's not gonna work.Copy !req
1025. Not with that fucking attitude.Copy !req
1026. You know this whole place
is made out of marbles?Copy !req
1027. Come on. Go, go, go.Copy !req
1028. After we stick Chow, Alan and I are
gonna take him down through the lobby.Copy !req
1029. Be waiting in valet.
Engine running, ready to go.Copy !req
1030. Are you sure about this?Copy !req
1031. Give me the Demerol.Copy !req
1032. See you in 20 minutes.Copy !req
1033. - Hey, Phil?
- Yeah?Copy !req
1034. Don't die.Copy !req
1035. All right.Copy !req
1036. Are you ready to do this?Copy !req
1037. Yeah.Copy !req
1038. Wait, what are we doing?Copy !req
1039. Holy shit.Copy !req
1040. We're gonna climb down...Copy !req
1041. and then it's about an 8-foot drop
to the balcony.Copy !req
1042. - All right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1043. No, you spit in your own hand.Copy !req
1044. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1045. Dry desert air.Copy !req
1046. - Alan, it's fine. You don't need it.
- Okay.Copy !req
1047. Oh, God.Copy !req
1048. - Unh!
- Careful!Copy !req
1049. - Phil!
- I'm all right.Copy !req
1050. I'm okay!Copy !req
1051. - Hey, Phil.
- What's wrong?Copy !req
1052. Hold on a second.Copy !req
1053. - What?
- Hold on!Copy !req
1054. Like, kick yourself out a little bit.Copy !req
1055. Alan.Copy !req
1056. - Stay still!
- Alan!Copy !req
1057. Did you get it?Copy !req
1058. No. Hold on.Copy !req
1059. Ha, that's cool, ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1060. Oh! Fuck me!Copy !req
1061. Everything all right?Copy !req
1062. It's okay!Copy !req
1063. It's all right!Copy !req
1064. I got it! Whoa.Copy !req
1065. Are you okay?Copy !req
1066. Alan, it's your turn.Copy !req
1067. That's it.Copy !req
1068. Phil, I can't. I can't.Copy !req
1069. Come on.Copy !req
1070. Whoa!Copy !req
1071. Alan, you all right?Copy !req
1072. Phil, call Security!Copy !req
1073. - I think it's slipping!
- Just hold on!Copy !req
1074. Oh! God!Copy !req
1075. - You need to calm down.
- I'm slipping, Phil!Copy !req
1076. Oh! Fuck!Copy !req
1077. Oh, shit! You okay?Copy !req
1078. Help!Copy !req
1079. Oh, no.Copy !req
1080. I'm gonna die, Phil.Copy !req
1081. No, you're fine. Just...Copy !req
1082. Drop down to me.Copy !req
1083. No chance.Copy !req
1084. I'm good up here.Copy !req
1085. Alan, you can do this. I'll catch you.Copy !req
1086. Just"Copy !req
1087. let go.Copy !req
1088. That's it. That's it. Just drop straight down.Copy !req
1089. But don't push off.Copy !req
1090. No!Copy !req
1091. - Oh, God!
- Come here!Copy !req
1092. Holy fuck!Copy !req
1093. You Okay?Copy !req
1094. Yeah.Copy !req
1095. Shit. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
1096. I almost died, Phil.Copy !req
1097. Come on. I wasn't gonna let you go.
You're my boy.Copy !req
1098. And you're my man.Copy !req
1099. Alan, what are you doing? Alan.Copy !req
1100. Okay.Copy !req
1101. Let's go get this fucker.Copy !req
1102. Hey!Copy !req
1103. Have you seen my—?Copy !req
1104. Huh?Copy !req
1105. Phil!Copy !req
1106. Motherfuckers!Copy !req
1107. Grab the gun!Copy !req
1108. - Oh, fuck!
- Phil!Copy !req
1109. Oh.Copy !req
1110. Phil, you okay?Copy !req
1111. Chow!Copy !req
1112. Chow!Copy !req
1113. Chow, open the fucking door!Copy !req
1114. Fuck.Copy !req
1115. Chow, stop.Copy !req
1116. You motherfuckers!Copy !req
1117. Leslie, get down from there! Please!
You're gonna hurt yourself!Copy !req
1118. Nothing hurts Chow.Copy !req
1119. I am invisible!Copy !req
1120. It's "invincible," and you're not.
You're just out of your fucking mind.Copy !req
1121. Now get down from there before you die!Copy !req
1122. Die?Copy !req
1123. How do you kill what's already dead?
Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
1124. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1125. Holy...Copy !req
1126. Woo-had.!Copy !req
1127. - Hey. You okay?
- No.Copy !req
1128. Look up.Copy !req
1129. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
1130. - That's Chow!
- What?Copy !req
1131. Follow him.Copy !req
1132. Woo-had.!Copy !req
1133. Whoo!Copy !req
1134. I love cocaine!Copy !req
1135. Out of the way!Copy !req
1136. How did this happen?Copy !req
1137. We had him trapped, and then he jumped!Copy !req
1138. He's out of his fucking mind!Copy !req
1139. I'm out of my fucking mind!Copy !req
1140. Wow.Copy !req
1141. So beautiful.Copy !req
1142. Stu, do not lose him.Copy !req
1143. I'm trying.Copy !req
1144. Whoa!Copy !req
1145. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1146. I believe I can flyCopy !req
1147. I believe I can touch the skyCopy !req
1148. Think about it every night and dayCopy !req
1149. We gotta pack up all this gold.
We're taking it with us.Copy !req
1150. Talk to me, Stu.Copy !req
1151. I got him.Copy !req
1152. Ha, ha. I got him!Copy !req
1153. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1154. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1155. Shit.Copy !req
1156. Fuck! I lost him!Copy !req
1157. Don't tell me that. You can't lose him!Copy !req
1158. This is so much harder than you realize, Phil.Copy !req
1159. I'm just a dentist!Copy !req
1160. No, Stu, you're a fucking doctor.
Now go get him.Copy !req
1161. Where the fuck did he go?Copy !req
1162. Fuck me!Copy !req
1163. I should have thought this through!Copy !req
1164. Shit!Copy !req
1165. Move!Copy !req
1166. - Aah!
"Stu?Copy !req
1167. - Chow?
- Stop the fucking car!Copy !req
1168. - Stu.
- I can't! The pedal is stuck!Copy !req
1169. - What?
- Stu?Copy !req
1170. - I can't see!
- Stop, motherfucker!Copy !req
1171. - Get off!
- Pull over!Copy !req
1172. - It won't stop!
- Aah!Copy !req
1173. Get off the car!Copy !req
1174. I can't see anything!Copy !req
1175. Ha-ha-ha. We're gonna die finally.Copy !req
1176. Holy shit.Copy !req
1177. Stu? Stu, what happened?Copy !req
1178. Stu, what's going on?Copy !req
1179. We had an accident, and I think he's dead.Copy !req
1180. Wait, what?Copy !req
1181. I think I killed him.Copy !req
1182. Holy shit.Copy !req
1183. He's not moving.Copy !req
1184. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
1185. Mr. Chow?Copy !req
1186. Chow.Copy !req
1187. Stuart?Copy !req
1188. He's alive. He's okay.Copy !req
1189. Oh, great.Copy !req
1190. Put him in the limo and come get us.
We'll meet you at valet.Copy !req
1191. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
1192. Stu.Copy !req
1193. That was some ride, huh, pal?Copy !req
1194. Yeah, it was pretty wild.Copy !req
1195. I can't feel my nuts.Copy !req
1196. Would you rub them
and make sure they okay?Copy !req
1197. It's over, Leslie.Copy !req
1198. Wait.Copy !req
1199. Let's make a deal.Copy !req
1200. Want Chow to blow your dick?Copy !req
1201. Come on, Stu.Copy !req
1202. I could be a good wife to you.Copy !req
1203. - No more deals.
- No, wait!Copy !req
1204. Let's put the bags in the back seat.Copy !req
1205. Trunk's full.Copy !req
1206. Hey, guys? I'm feeling better now.Copy !req
1207. All right, it's the next exit,
then four miles straight into the desert.Copy !req
1208. Let me out, we split the gold four ways.
Everyone wins.Copy !req
1209. Marshall gonna kill me!Copy !req
1210. My blood will be on your hands!Copy !req
1211. You want Chow's ghost haunting you
for rest of your life, Stu?Copy !req
1212. Floating over you while you make fuck
on your wife?Copy !req
1213. He's not gonna kill you, Chow!
He just wants his gold back!Copy !req
1214. It's gone. I blew the first 20 million in Bangkok.Copy !req
1215. - That's why I had to get the other half.
- Enough, Chow! It's over!Copy !req
1216. You motherfucker!Copy !req
1217. When I get out of this,
I'm gonna rip out your fucking lungs!Copy !req
1218. You hear me? You're dead! You're all dead!Copy !req
1219. I didn't mean that.Copy !req
1220. Chow loses temper sometimes.Copy !req
1221. Please. I need help.Copy !req
1222. I know that now.Copy !req
1223. That's the exit.Copy !req
1224. They're here.Copy !req
1225. Alan, they're coming, grab the last bag.Copy !req
1226. Please, Alan.Copy !req
1227. Doug!Copy !req
1228. Step away from the bags. Let's go!Copy !req
1229. We good?Copy !req
1230. - It's all there. I promise.
- Not exactly.Copy !req
1231. I'm still missing the original half.Copy !req
1232. But, no, that's all we have.
Chow said he blew the other half in Bangkok.Copy !req
1233. Where is he?Copy !req
1234. He's in the trunk.Copy !req
1235. Deal's a deal.Copy !req
1236. - Doug.
- Give me the keys.Copy !req
1237. What are you gonna do with Chow?Copy !req
1238. I just wanna talk to him.Copy !req
1239. Move.Copy !req
1240. You all right?Copy !req
1241. What the fuck?Copy !req
1242. End of conversation.Copy !req
1243. Why would you do that?Copy !req
1244. Leslie Chow is madness.Copy !req
1245. You don't talk to madness.Copy !req
1246. If you're lucky, you trap it in the trunk
of your limo and you kill it.Copy !req
1247. You did a great thing tonight.Copy !req
1248. You should feel good about this.Copy !req
1249. What the fuck?
You think this is a fucking game?Copy !req
1250. Don't, don't, don't!Copy !req
1251. Oh, shit!Copy !req
1252. Toodle-loo, motherfuckers.Copy !req
1253. Chow.Copy !req
1254. Chow. Chow, wait.Copy !req
1255. Oh, now you wanna talk, blue eyes?Copy !req
1256. No more silent treatment?Copy !req
1257. Leslie. No.Copy !req
1258. Stay out of this, fatty.Copy !req
1259. No, Leslie.Copy !req
1260. You shoot Phil, you gotta go through me.Copy !req
1261. What?Copy !req
1262. - Alan.
- Quiet.Copy !req
1263. I'm in a stare-off.Copy !req
1264. Today you all live.Copy !req
1265. Because one of you was a friend.Copy !req
1266. Alan, what did you do?Copy !req
1267. I unlocked the latch
between the back seat and the trunk.Copy !req
1268. And left him his gun?Copy !req
1269. Yeah, I didn't think it all the way through.Copy !req
1270. He gave Chow a fighting chance.Copy !req
1271. That's all I ever need.Copy !req
1272. Fat fuck.Copy !req
1273. It's never easy, is it?Copy !req
1274. No one wants to see that.Copy !req
1275. Except for me, but I was born bad.Copy !req
1276. Hold on. I have something for you.Copy !req
1277. For your loyalty.Copy !req
1278. - Oh, no, I don't want this, Mr. Chow.
- Okay, give it back, then. Come on.Copy !req
1279. Quick! Before Stu smells it.Copy !req
1280. I don't want it either, Chow.Copy !req
1281. Oh, please.
Like a squirrel doesn't want a nut.Copy !req
1282. It funny because he's Jewish.Copy !req
1283. Don't you get it?Copy !req
1284. Goddamn it.Copy !req
1285. Okay, go on. Get out of here, all of you.Copy !req
1286. Hey, chubster, I'll call you in a week.
We'll get together.Copy !req
1287. No, Leslie, we can't be friends anymore.Copy !req
1288. What?Copy !req
1289. You're not good for me. It's not healthy.Copy !req
1290. Alan, you're not thinking straight.Copy !req
1291. Let's just talk tomorrow.Copy !req
1292. Leslie, you're one of the coolest
and nicest guys I've ever met.Copy !req
1293. And you're smart and you're funny
and everybody loves you.Copy !req
1294. Alan. What is this?Copy !req
1295. When we get together,
bad things happen and people get hurt.Copy !req
1296. Yeah, that's the point. It's funny.Copy !req
1297. Well, I've gotta make some changes in my life,
and this is one of them.Copy !req
1298. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1299. Farewell, Leslie Chow.Copy !req
1300. You're cold as ice.Copy !req
1301. Shotgun.Copy !req
1302. Everybody okay?Copy !req
1303. Yeah.Copy !req
1304. Alan, you okay?Copy !req
1305. Yeah.Copy !req
1306. Good. Let's go home.Copy !req
1307. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
1308. You know what, guys?Copy !req
1309. You can go ahead without me.
There's something I need to do.Copy !req
1310. Do you even know how to get home?Copy !req
1311. Of course I do. I'm a grown man.Copy !req
1312. I'll ask a stranger.Copy !req
1313. Good luck, Alan.Copy !req
1314. We'll see you soon.Copy !req
1315. Did you know that just a couple blocks
from here...Copy !req
1316. there's a place that looks exactly
like Paris, France?Copy !req
1317. I can't remember what it's called,
but it's supposed to be magnificent.Copy !req
1318. It's called Paris Hotel and Casino,
and it is magnificent.Copy !req
1319. Yeah, that's it.Copy !req
1320. Well, I'd like to take you to dinner there.
Tonight.Copy !req
1321. Oh, sorry. No can do.Copy !req
1322. Oh, well...Copy !req
1323. I'm banned from the casino for life.Copy !req
1324. Plus 1 O years.Copy !req
1325. I took Morn there for her birthday,
played a little blackjack.Copy !req
1326. She split 10s.Copy !req
1327. - Oh.
- I may have overreacted.Copy !req
1328. They said it was abuse of an elderly.Copy !req
1329. Ha, ha. I've done that.Copy !req
1330. Heh. Right? Whatever.Copy !req
1331. I can't go back there.Copy !req
1332. But, uh...Copy !req
1333. Golden Nugget has the best prime rib
in town, if that's...Copy !req
1334. Well, that sounds glorious.Copy !req
1335. I'll send for you at 8:00.Copy !req
1336. Is that it?Copy !req
1337. I saw it once in a pornography.Copy !req
1338. Oh.Copy !req
1339. It's a nice gesture.Copy !req
1340. But maybe we should wait.Copy !req
1341. Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1342. I'll see you at 8.Copy !req
1343. You look great, Alan.Copy !req
1344. What do you think? Hat or no hat?Copy !req
1345. Uh...Copy !req
1346. - Hat. For sure.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.Copy !req
1347. Wow. Who's this guy?Copy !req
1348. The vest and the cane? I love it.Copy !req
1349. Thank you. Cassie picked it out for me.Copy !req
1350. You look like Mr. Peanut.Copy !req
1351. Yeah, I know, right?
That's what I was going for.Copy !req
1352. - Maybe we'll just lose it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1353. Hey, Alan, I was just talking to Cassie.
She's an amazing woman.Copy !req
1354. Oh, thank you for saying that.
She is an amazing woman.Copy !req
1355. I find her much better than your wives.Copy !req
1356. Aw. That's sweet.Copy !req
1357. Which reminds me.
Um, we need to talk. Doug?Copy !req
1358. All right, listen, fellas.Copy !req
1359. Now that I'm getting married, I'm gonna be
spending a lot more time with Cassandra.Copy !req
1360. - Yeah. It's the way it should be.
- No, you slow your roll, Phil, okay?Copy !req
1361. There's more.Copy !req
1362. And you're not gonna like this part.Copy !req
1363. I must resign from the wolf pack.Copy !req
1364. Wow, that's a big step, Alan.Copy !req
1365. I know.Copy !req
1366. But she's my soul mate.Copy !req
1367. And my new best friend.Copy !req
1368. Plus, she lets me mount her...Copy !req
1369. which relaxes me.Copy !req
1370. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1371. Alan, maybe never say that part again.Copy !req
1372. Chillax, Doug, we're all adults here.Copy !req
1373. I know you mount my sister.
I've seen it. Many times.Copy !req
1374. What?Copy !req
1375. Alan, you are the best.Copy !req
1376. The point is:Copy !req
1377. You need to let me go.Copy !req
1378. You in particular.Copy !req
1379. I can't be your hero anymore.Copy !req
1380. Okay. Sure.Copy !req
1381. Having said all that...Copy !req
1382. I still would like to get together
on Tuesdays for bowling...Copy !req
1383. and alternating Sundays
for general horseplay.Copy !req
1384. - How about we play all that by ear?
- Alan, it's time.Copy !req
1385. Here we go.Copy !req
1386. Ready?Copy !req
1387. I'm ready.Copy !req
1388. What the fuck?Copy !req
1389. Oh.Copy !req
1390. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1391. You guys.Copy !req
1392. We're so crazy.Copy !req
1393. I'm wearing women's underwear. Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1394. Oh, my God. Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
1395. Stu, don't freak out,
but you need to look down.Copy !req
1396. What?Copy !req
1397. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1398. Ho-ho-ho.
- Aah!Copy !req
1399. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
1400. I have boobies now!Copy !req
1401. Holy shit!Copy !req
1402. It's not funny!Copy !req
1403. Alan, what did you do?Copy !req
1404. What did you do, Alan?Copy !req
1405. The wedding cake.Copy !req
1406. It was from Leslie.Copy !req
1407. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1408. We had a sick night, bitches. Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req