1. You've reached Dr Stuart Price.
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2. The office will be closed until the 24th.
If this is an emergency, please try...
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3. Hi. This is Dr. Stu Price.
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4. I'm getting married, so I'll be out
of the country for two weeks.
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5. I'm not sure if I'll have cell service.
If this is a dental emergency, plea...
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6. Nothing.
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7. Daddy, please. You're not helping.
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8. I looked into his eyes.
Not the eyes of a man.
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9. The eyes of a coward.
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10. Excuse me.
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11. —Phil.
- Tracy.
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12. I'm sorry.
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13. Where the hell are you?
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14. It happened again.
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15. Don't say that.
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16. Please.
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17. No, this time we really fucked up.
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18. Seriously, what is wrong with you three?
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19. So much, Trace,
I don't even know where to begin.
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20. Oh, God. How bad?
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21. Like no wedding bad?
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22. Yeah.
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23. Little worse than that.
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24. Mm-hm.
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25. You really need to floss more.
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26. Fuck that. That's why I come here.
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27. Then you should come more than
once every two years.
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28. - So you could bleed me of all my money?
- I never charge you a dime, Phil.
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29. - Hey, how do I work the nitrous?
- Uh, you don't, actually.
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30. Come on. Just one hit.
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31. Fillings look pretty good.
Any other problems?
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32. Yeah, actually.
You're getting married in Thailand.
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33. For starters, that's flights for me and Steph.
That's two grand right there.
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34. My mother-in-law's watching the kids.
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35. Now she's got this whole new thing
to hold over my head.
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36. Plus it takes five days to get there.
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37. It's a 16-hour flight.
And it's beautiful when you get there.
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38. - Whatever. It's a hassle.
- It is kind of far.
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39. Lauren's been there a week
and she's still jet-lagged.
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40. It's where her parents are from.
It means a lot.
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41. Who gives a shit about her parents?
Her dad hates you.
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42. He doesn't hate me.
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43. He's just never spoken to me.
I think it's a cultural thing.
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44. Why can't you get married in Vegas
like last time? So much easier.
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45. Why can't you just be excited for me?
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46. This is my wedding.
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47. You're really happy, huh?
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48. I really am.
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49. All right. I'm happy too.
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50. Thank you.
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51. It's gonna be fun.
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52. Phil? Put the prescription pad back.
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53. Thank you.
You know that's a felony, right?
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54. Fuck you, man.
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55. - Was this right up against your scrotum?
- Yep.
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56. - Oh, my God. I just realized.
- What?
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57. I forgot to renew my passport.
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58. Oh, no.
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59. Good thing I did it last week.
It's in the kitchen drawer.
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60. You're the best.
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61. Hey, we're a team.
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62. No, I mean, you are a good guy.
Like, a really good guy.
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63. Thank you.
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64. So I know you're not gonna get mad.
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65. Mad? What...? Mad at what?
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66. Alan found out that we're going to Thailand
for Stu's wedding.
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67. So?
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68. So he's heartbroken, Doug.
You guys are like his family.
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69. No, your family is like his family.
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70. All Alan talks about is the three of you.
And that weekend.
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71. Wait. Is he the one that keeps calling
and hanging up?
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72. He does that when he's upset. He doesn't
understand why he's not invited.
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73. Could you just run it by Stu?
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74. Just run it by him.
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75. For me?
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76. No fucking way.
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77. Absolutely not.
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78. Come on, Stu. It's killing him.
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79. I don't care.
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80. Honestly, the two of you
were barely invited.
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81. - Oh.
- All right. I get it. I really do.
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82. Just, you know what? Alan considers you
to be one of his best friends.
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83. I consider Alan to be insane.
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84. Stu, throw him a bone.
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85. His dad pays
for everything he eats and breaks.
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86. We should squeeze the old man
to cover the bachelor party.
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87. That's good.
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88. I'm glad you brought that up,
because this is the bachelor party.
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89. - What?
- What are you talking about?
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90. Yeah. It's my bachelor brunch.
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91. Go crazy. Get some chocolate-chip
pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress.
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92. That's bullshit. Ha, ha. You can't just
skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
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93. You see that?
That's orange juice with a napkin on top.
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94. Do you know why?
So nobody roofies me.
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95. Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe
at a bachelor party.
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96. Come on.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
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97. No, I don't.
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98. I'm still putting the broken pieces
of my psyche back together.
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99. And you know what the glue is?
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100. Lauren. And I'm not doing anything
to screw that up.
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101. - You wouldn't be with her if it wasn't for us.
- Oh, this'll be good.
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102. Stu, think about it.
You ended up ditching Melissa.
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103. Two years later,
you met your true soul mate.
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104. You take Vegas out of that equation,
you would have married a cunt.
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105. It's okay. I'm allowed to say it.
It's a bachelor party.
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106. Drink up, everybody.
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107. Wait, there's no alcohol.
I forgot, we're at a fucking IHOP.
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108. Well, it's my decision and it's final,
so how about a toast?
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109. - This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
- Come on, Phil. Where you going?
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110. I just don't get it.
He's getting married in Thailand.
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111. That's great for him, but what about us?
You're just selfish.
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112. Come on, sweetheart.
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113. Shame on you.
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114. Don't worry, Stu.
I will stand up for you no matter what.
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115. Thank you.
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116. But you gotta help me out
with this Alan thing.
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117. Guys, I can't tell you
how much this means.
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118. Alan's been waiting for the invite
ever since he got wind of the wedding.
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119. I'm sure he has.
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120. Yeah, he's been standing outside
by the mailbox every day.
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121. - Wow, that's rough.
- Yeah. I, uh...
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122. I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas,
you know? He really needs this.
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123. [KNOCKS ON Doom
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124. What?
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125. Sweetie, it's Pa Pa. You have visitors.
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126. Go in slowly,
give him a chance to acclimate.
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127. Hey, Alan.
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128. Hey, guys.
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129. - Hey, Phil.
- Hey, bud.
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130. Uh... Uh, you guys wanna come in?
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131. - Sure.
- Yeah, absolutely.
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132. - Hey.
- Hey.
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133. Hey.
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134. - Hey, Stu.
- Okay. See you on the court in half...
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135. Pretty cool room, Alan.
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136. Oh, thanks, Phil. My dad pays my rent.
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137. Alan, what the fuck?
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138. We were supposed to delete these.
You made a promise.
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139. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell?
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140. I'm not cool with this at all.
You can't have these.
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141. - Ha, ha.
- Chillax, Stu. Nobody ever comes in here.
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142. Total violation of trust.
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143. Mother, I'm done with my lunch.
It's just sitting here.
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144. Sorry, honey. I 'll be right up.
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145. Can't believe you stopped by.
This is cool.
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146. Wait a second. AI, is that Mr. Chow?
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147. Yeah. We still keep in touch.
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148. Stu.
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149. - The guy that kidnapped us?
- He didn't kidnap us.
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150. He kidnapped Black Doug. Remember?
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151. It was a whole big misunderstanding.
He's actually quite charming.
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152. - Alan, he's a criminal.
- Excuse me, boys.
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153. - Hi, Linda.
- Hi, Dougie.
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154. I guess we don't do dessert any more.
I didn't get that memo.
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155. Well, I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
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156. Would a cupcake kill you?
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157. - I don't think this was a good idea.
- Uh, Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
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158. Stu would like to invite you
to his wedding.
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159. Well, only if you're not busy.
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160. Stu.
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161. Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers
are in town.
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162. No. They're in Raleigh-Durham
that weekend.
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163. Mm.
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164. Are you really being serious, Stu?
You're inviting me?
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165. Yeah, why not? Could be fun, right?
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166. - Phil, are you going?
- Of course.
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167. Then it will be fun.
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168. - Ah!
- Whoa, what the fuck are you doing, man?
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169. It's my immunizations.
This is the last day I can do it.
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170. That's supposed to be done
by a registered nurse.
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171. I am a nurse. I'm just not registered.
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172. Oh, Stu, look at this.
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173. I bought this because I thought of you.
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174. - Hey, there he is.
- Hey, Stu.
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175. - Teddy. What's up? How are you?
- Good to see you, man.
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176. - All right.
- Who's this guy, Stu?
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177. This is Teddy, Lauren's little brother.
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178. Goes to Stanford. Premed.
This is Phil, Alan and Doug.
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179. - Hey, nice to meet you, man.
- Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
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180. - I'm...
- Uh, he's 17. Kind of a genius.
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181. Actually, I'm 16.
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182. And I'm not a genius. My dad just had me
take the entrance exams early.
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183. Because you're a genius.
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184. - So, what are you, a doctor?
- No. Not yet. I'm premed.
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185. Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?
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186. - Yeah.
- Well, he turned out to be a gay.
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187. - Alan.
- It's true. I read it in Teen People.
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188. Right. Okay, well, I'm gonna grab a book
or something for the plane.
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189. You guys want anything?
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190. - No, thanks.
- I'm good.
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191. I would actually love a Smartwater.
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192. Cool.
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193. Thanks.
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194. - Whats the matter with you? He's 16.
- Yeah, Alan. Take it easy.
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195. I'm a little confused.
Is he here just to see us off or what?
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196. - How does this work?
- How does what work?
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197. Is that person coming to the wedding?
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198. Yes, Alan. My bride's little brother
is coming to the wedding.
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199. Is that okay with you?
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200. Well, it's just the first time I've heard of it.
You could have paged me.
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201. Don't overreact. It's gonna be fine.
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202. Hey. Mind if I sit?
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203. - Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
- There's no wolf pack, Alan.
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204. - Come on.
- It's no problem. I can find...
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205. - Don't be ridiculous. You're sitting here.
- Careful. That's a Louis...
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206. That is a Louis Vuitton.
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207. Thanks.
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208. That's a nice neck roll.
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209. Thanks. You can use it if you want.
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210. Okay.
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211. Baby! Hi! on, my God!
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212. Ah.
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213. - How was your trip?
- It was long, but good.
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214. This is so absolutely beautiful.
Thank you so much.
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215. Of course.
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216. Between Teddy and me,
you must be pretty excited.
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217. Pretty soon you'll have two doctors
in the family. Ha, ha.
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218. You have to realize that in my country, we
don't consider dentist to be real doctors.
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219. Dad.
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220. Okay.
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221. Anyway, I have to go and talk to Teddy
about his cello performance tonight.
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222. See you.
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223. - Ouch.
- I'm so sorry.
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224. Your dad's kind of obsessed
with your brother.
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225. Teddy is my dad's prized possession.
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226. It's always been that way.
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227. He'll warm up. I promise. Okay?
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228. If you just fax it over to me,
I'll pick it up from concierge.
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229. Okay. Ha, ha. Thanks, Pa Pa.
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230. Bye-bye.
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231. That was, uh, my dad.
I'm a stay-at-home son.
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232. We were discussing your wedding gift.
He's sparing no expense.
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233. Oh, that's so unnecessary.
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234. I've been, uh, meaning to ask.
I noticed it's a fishing village.
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235. Is there a Long John Silver's
on the island?
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236. You know, no, I don't think so.
I'm so sorry.
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237. But we are actually sewing
some great fresh seafood.
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238. - Better than Long John's'?
- Yes.
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239. I'll be the judge of that.
Enjoy your evening.
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240. You too. Okay.
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241. All right.
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242. Thank you, Teddy.
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243. The hands of a brilliant musician...
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244. and one day, a great surgeon.
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245. I admit it.
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246. When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.
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247. He seemed unattractive.
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248. He lacked intelligence and imagination.
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249. He was missing that spark
you look for in a man.
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250. But then I look into Stu's eyes.
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251. He reminded me of my sweet brother,
Chaiyo.
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252. For those who do not know...
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253. Chaiyo is learning-disabled
and lives in a group home.
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254. But Chaiyo loves chok.
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255. And that's when I realized...
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256. Stu is chok.
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257. What's chok?
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258. Chok is soft white rice
in lukewarm water.
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259. It has no taste.
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260. We feed it to small baby
and very old people.
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261. It is nourishment
that everyone can digest.
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262. The world needs chok.
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263. Just as the world needs people like Stu.
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264. To my sweet daughter and Stu.
Congratulations.
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265. - Hear, hear.
- Cheers, guys.
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266. And now I believe that Teddy
has something to say.
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267. Sit down. I got this.
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268. Sit down, boy.
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269. That was, uh, a great speech, sir.
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270. I like the comparisons between, uh,
Stu and rice.
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271. I've also prepared a few words.
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272. "Hey, everybody, here are some fun facts.
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273. The population in Thailand
is 63 million people.
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274. It is twice the size of Wyoming.
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275. Its chief exports are textiles,
footwear and rice.
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276. Each year, approximately 13,000 people
are killed in car accidents in Thailand.
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277. - The climate in Thailand is..."
- Alan, uh...
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278. Alan, why don't you skip
to the last card there, buddy?
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279. Okay. Sorry.
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280. "None of you know Stu like I do."
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281. Not you. Not you.
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282. Not you. Not you.
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283. Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
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284. No one.
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285. "I can't even tell you
what we've been through...
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286. because we made a pact
more important than blood.
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287. What I can tell you is this:
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288. This is not Stu's first marriage.
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289. There was a whore in Las Vegas
a couple of years ago..."
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290. All right, time's up.
You can sit down, bud. You can sit down.
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291. - It was good. I did good, though.
- Oh, God, you killed it.
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292. - Okay. Thanks, Phil.
- Sit down. Yeah.
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293. In your face.
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294. Well, that was exactly as painful
as I expected it to be.
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295. Ha, ha. Sorry.
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296. Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?
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297. - Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Phil.
- Be nice, Phil. He's extra sensitive tonight.
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298. Get over it. He's your father-in-law.
He's supposed to hate you.
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299. Come have a drink with me and the guys.
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300. You know, I'm really exhausted.
We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.
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301. I spoke with the manager.
He'll let us have a beach bonfire.
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302. That sounds fun.
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303. Nah. I'm good.
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304. He's tired.
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305. Stu. One drink with your friends.
They came all this way.
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306. - I just wanna hang out with you.
- Oh, come on, just go and do me a favor:
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307. Take Teddy with you.
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308. He never gets to have any fun.
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309. That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
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310. - All right. One drink.
- Perfect.
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311. - See?
- You win.
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312. - See you later.
- Have fun.
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313. - Got your key?
- Uh, yep. Got it right there.
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314. - I'll see you in 20 minutes.
- I love you.
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315. My Uncle Roger said
that he once saw a albino polar bear.
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316. Really? Polar bears are white.
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317. How would he know if it's an albino?
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318. This one was black.
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319. Did you ever think
maybe it was just a black bear?
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320. Whatevs.
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321. - Okay. Here we go.
- All right.
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322. - American beer.
- Let's do it.
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323. Sealed bottles.
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324. Thank you. All right.
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325. Um, I'm not really old enough to drink.
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326. Yeah, it's illegal.
Be a shame if somebody reported you.
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327. Nobody's reporting anybody.
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328. It's fine, Teddy. Have a little fun.
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329. - Careful.
- What? Oh.
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330. What is this? Roasting marshmallows?
Nice touch.
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331. - That was Alan's idea.
- Oh. Good thinking, Alan.
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332. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Stu.
This place is paradise.
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333. Not bad, right?
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334. And I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm actually jealous of you.
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335. I mean, Lauren is an angel.
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336. Yeah, she really is amazing.
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337. Wow, you guys are sweet.
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338. Not big breasts on her,
but still, solid rack for an Asian.
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339. Sorry, Teddy, but it's true.
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340. That's okay.
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341. That is just wildly inappropriate.
And yet I'm really glad you're here.
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342. All you guys.
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343. Even you, Alan.
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344. It means a lot that you made the trip.
Thank you.
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345. Wouldn't miss it, buddy.
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346. Great. Now can we have our
one fucking beer, Dad?
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347. Mm-hm.
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348. All right. Toast.
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349. Come on, stand up, guys.
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350. Come over here, Alan.
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351. To Lauren and Stu.
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352. - You did it, buddy.
- You sure did.
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353. Cheers.
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354. What the hell?
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355. What?
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356. No.
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357. Phil?
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358. I think it's happened again.
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359. Alan, what the fuck did you do?
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360. I didn't do anything. I swear to God.
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361. Your hair is gone.
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362. No, no.
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363. UP...
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364. Where the fuck are we?
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365. Phil, I'm scared.
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366. Stu, come on, get up. We got a situation.
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367. Oh, holy shit.
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368. Where are we?
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369. Oh, my God, Alan. Your head.
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370. No, your head.
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371. He's bald.
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372. Stu, you're gonna freak out,
but it's gonna be okay.
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373. Why? What's...? Is it my teeth?
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374. - It's not your teeth.
- No.
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375. - Are you sure?
- Yep.
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376. - Did you check the bottoms?
- I did.
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377. Oh, my God.
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378. What the fuck? Ow!
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379. That's good.
Why don't you try to wash it off?
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380. It's not coming off!
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381. This is a real tattoo!
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382. Alan, what did you do?
Did you roofie me?
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383. - I didn't do anything.
- Stu, he swore to God.
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384. What happened?
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385. - Oh, jeez!
- What is it? What is it?
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386. Help! Back there! What are you'?
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387. Did you see that jump?
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388. - Oh, what the hell?
- Oh, it's a monkey.
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389. Look at the cute little vest.
Hi, little monkey.
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390. Alan. Alan.
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391. Butthole.
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392. - Phone.
- Hi, monkey.
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393. Look, Alan, Alan, go find the phone.
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394. I got it.
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395. Doug. Doug. Where the hell are you?
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396. I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
You guys coming down or what?
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397. Oh, Jesus. Thank God. Doug's fine.
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398. Stu, Doug's fine! He's at the resort.
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399. Why aren't we at the resort?
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400. What's going on? Where are you?
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401. I don't know, man. We woke up
in some shithole room in some city.
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402. Oh, God. What city?
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403. I don't know, Doug. Fucking Asia Town.
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404. I don't know. I told you.
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405. Where are we?
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406. I have no fucking idea.
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407. - Hey, Stu.
- What?
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408. Check this out.
Copy !req
409. You ever seen anything like this?
Copy !req
410. - What is that?
- Careful!
Copy !req
411. Might be a spider's nest.
I've tangled with those before.
Copy !req
412. I don't get it, man. I mean,
we each had one beer last night, right?
Copy !req
413. - I mean, you too.
- Yeah, but I left early, remember?
Copy !req
414. I don't remember shit.
Copy !req
415. Tracy wasn't feeling well.
She came down to get me.
Copy !req
416. Wait a second. Is Teddy with you guys?
Copy !req
417. Teddy? What?
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
418. They've been looking for him
all morning.
Copy !req
419. - Teddy went to Stanford, right?
- Yeah. Why?
Copy !req
420. Fuck!
Copy !req
421. I just found his finger.
Copy !req
422. What?
Copy !req
423. I just found his fucking finger, Doug.
Copy !req
424. Phil, what is going on?
Copy !req
425. All right. All right, all right, all right.
Copy !req
426. This is what we're gonna do.
Tell the girls that we woke up early...
Copy !req
427. and went on a fishing trip.
That's where we are.
Copy !req
428. - Right.
- All right, stay by the phone.
Copy !req
429. Shit!
Copy !req
430. All right, we got a little bit of a problem.
Copy !req
431. What is that?
Copy !req
432. We don't know.
Copy !req
433. Is it a worm?
Copy !req
434. It's a mushroom.
Copy !req
435. Yeah, shiitake.
Copy !req
436. Monkey, taste it. What do you think?
Is it shiitake?
Copy !req
437. He can't understand you.
Copy !req
438. He just did.
Copy !req
439. Why is he pulling on it?
Copy !req
440. He's probably hungry.
Copy !req
441. Wait a second. Is that...?
Copy !req
442. Aah! What the fuck, man?
Copy !req
443. Tell that gay monkey
to leave my shit alone!
Copy !req
444. Chow'?
Copy !req
445. You fucking crazy.
Copy !req
446. Ah, so fucking light in here.
Copy !req
447. Alan.
Copy !req
448. Grab me my sunglasses.
Copy !req
449. - It's great to see you, Leslie.
- Mm. Nice to see you too, my little hobo.
Copy !req
450. Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
Copy !req
451. Alan called me a few days ago
and invited me to wedding.
Copy !req
452. - Excuse me?
- What? He's my plus one.
Copy !req
453. You didn't have a plus one.
It's $200 a plate.
Copy !req
454. Guys, guys. Just focus, okay?
Chow, what happened?
Copy !req
455. You guys texted me, said you fucked up
and looking to party.
Copy !req
456. I picked you up in my boat
and I brought you here to Bangkok.
Copy !req
457. And we had a sick night, bitches!
Copy !req
458. Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a second, Chow.
Copy !req
459. Chow, we're in Bangkok?
Copy !req
460. Holler! City of squalor!
Copy !req
461. Do you know how I got this tattoo?
Copy !req
462. Uh, yeah. From a fucking tattoo guy.
Copy !req
463. Come on, Stewie.
Use that big Jewish brain.
Copy !req
464. Hey, what's the monkey holding?
Copy !req
465. That's a finger!
Copy !req
466. Stu, I got some bad news.
Copy !req
467. Teddy was with us last night.
Copy !req
468. That's his finger.
Copy !req
469. Teddy... Teddy's dead?
Copy !req
470. Ha, ha. Teddy not dead.
He party with us all night.
Copy !req
471. Well, then where is he?
Copy !req
472. Don't you remember anything?
Copy !req
473. - No!
- No. Nothing, Chow.
Copy !req
474. Okay, okay. I explain it all, okay?
Copy !req
475. Just let me do one bump,
get my head straight.
Copy !req
476. Come to papa.
Copy !req
477. - Okay.
- That's a big...
Copy !req
478. You ready for craziest fucking story of...
Copy !req
479. Chow.
Copy !req
480. Mr. Chow, are you okay?
Copy !req
481. You gotta be kidding me.
Copy !req
482. Fuck, he's dead.
Copy !req
483. - Help!
- Stu.
Copy !req
484. - Help! Help!
- Stu, shut up.
Copy !req
485. Stu, shut up. Stu, shut up!
Copy !req
486. - Call an ambulance!
- Shut up!
Copy !req
487. He's dead. Look, if someone comes and
finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine...
Copy !req
488. we'll spend the rest of our lives
in a Thai prison. Shh!
Copy !req
489. Alan. Alan, please stop crying.
Copy !req
490. All right. All right!
I just need a second to figure this out.
Copy !req
491. This is the worst idea ever.
What the fuck is this place?
Copy !req
492. "Bangkok is the capital of Thailand.
Its population is 12 million people."
Copy !req
493. Alan, put the cards away and help.
Copy !req
494. Elevator.
Copy !req
495. I'll get the button. I'll get the button.
Copy !req
496. What the fuck is the deal
with this monkey?
Copy !req
497. That monkey gets it.
Copy !req
498. - Come on.
- Oh, fuck. No, the power's out.
Copy !req
499. - We gotta take the stairs.
- Ah, fuck!
Copy !req
500. Come on.
Copy !req
501. Here it is.
Copy !req
502. Feet first, feet first. I've done this before.
Copy !req
503. Alan.
Copy !req
504. All right. Careful. Careful.
Copy !req
505. - Stu.
- What?
Copy !req
506. We still have to find Teddy.
Copy !req
507. Oh, God.
Copy !req
508. The roof!
Copy !req
509. - Teddy!
- Teddy!
Copy !req
510. - Teddy! Teddy!
- Teddy! Teddy!
Copy !req
511. Teddy!
Copy !req
512. - You guys see anything?
- No.
Copy !req
513. Come on. Where are you, buddy?
Copy !req
514. He's not here.
Copy !req
515. I can't believe this is happening again.
Copy !req
516. Okay. Look, we'll handle this.
You get back there.
Copy !req
517. You tell them that Alan and I
got drunk with him, we're still partying.
Copy !req
518. - You gotta go get married.
- No, no.
Copy !req
519. I'm not going back without Teddy.
Copy !req
520. It's Lauren's little brother,
he's lost, he's injured.
Copy !req
521. If I fuck this up...
Copy !req
522. I lose everything.
Copy !req
523. Okay.
Copy !req
524. All right.
Copy !req
525. Alan, check your pockets.
Copy !req
526. - What?
- You know the drill.
Copy !req
527. Come on, there might be clues.
Copy !req
528. - Check your phones. Numbers, texts.
- Oh, that's a good idea.
Copy !req
529. - I got nothing. Fuck.
- Me neither.
Copy !req
530. - I got a text from Chow.
- What time?
Copy !req
531. Uh, 10:00 last night.
Copy !req
532. What's it say?
Copy !req
533. "On my way, niggas."
Copy !req
534. Oh, niggas. Okay.
Copy !req
535. Hip-hop.
Copy !req
536. We are so fucked.
Copy !req
537. - Hey, Phil.
- What?
Copy !req
538. Look who's back. Hi.
Copy !req
539. We gotta get you out of the sun.
Get you a hat.
Copy !req
540. Yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
541. Phil, I really think we should go
to the American Consulate.
Copy !req
542. For what? Report a dead body
we shoved into an ice machine?
Copy !req
543. Are we gonna keep walking in circles?
That's real productive.
Copy !req
544. I'm trying to figure this out.
Your attitude is not helping.
Copy !req
545. Well, I'm sorry. It's 100 degrees
and we don't have a plan.
Copy !req
546. And all we've done is buy him hats
and sodas.
Copy !req
547. What? it's a bag of Fanta.
Copy !req
548. - All right, what do you wanna do, Stu?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
549. - Then stop yelling at me like it's my fault.
- It is your fault!
Copy !req
550. All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
Copy !req
551. Shit. Shut up, it's Doug. Talk to me.
Copy !req
552. Just got off the phone with Bangkok P.D.
They got him. He's okay.
Copy !req
553. Oh. Thank God. Doug found him.
Copy !req
554. - What happened?
- He got arrested.
Copy !req
555. - Arrested? For what?
- Disorderly conduct.
Copy !req
556. - Seriously?
- Yeah. He's okay, though.
Copy !req
557. They'll release him to you, no questions
asked. No one here has to know.
Copy !req
558. He's at the, uh...
Copy !req
559. "Ratchawang Police Station."
Copy !req
560. Okay. Okay,
I'll call you when we get there.
Copy !req
561. - Teddy's in jail, but fine. We gotta get a cab.
- Okay. All right.
Copy !req
562. - Yes, I have his paperwork here.
- Okay.
Copy !req
563. - He has been cleared.
- Sounds good.
Copy !req
564. - Of course.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
565. We're good, we're good.
They're processing for release.
Copy !req
566. Yeah, they threw him in the drunk tank.
He's fine.
Copy !req
567. Sixteen years old, spent a night in jail.
Can you imagine?
Copy !req
568. We love to party.
Copy !req
569. Here we go.
Copy !req
570. - Wait, who's this fucking guy?
- Teddy Srisai.
Copy !req
571. What...? No, no, no. I'm so...
Copy !req
572. It's the wrong guy. Sir.
Copy !req
573. Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Uh, there's been a mistake.
Copy !req
574. He brought the wrong guy.
That's not Teddy.
Copy !req
575. Of course it is.
We have his IDs and everything.
Copy !req
576. These were in his pockets
when we made the arrest.
Copy !req
577. They were in his pocket?
Copy !req
578. Excuse me, sir.
Copy !req
579. How did you get this stuff?
Copy !req
580. Hello?
Copy !req
581. Teddy doesn't speak.
Copy !req
582. We tried English, Thai, Chinese.
Nothing.
Copy !req
583. Let me ask you something.
Copy !req
584. Does he look like he works out at
Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
Copy !req
585. Look, we arrest a lot of people.
Copy !req
586. We cannot analyze everything. All right?
Copy !req
587. Well, what do you expect us to do
with this guy?
Copy !req
588. Not my problem.
Copy !req
589. Hey, guys?
Copy !req
590. I think he knows us.
Copy !req
591. Hi. Hello.
Copy !req
592. Do you know where our friend is?
Teddy! He's missing!
Copy !req
593. Stu, forget it. The guy's worthless.
Copy !req
594. He knows something.
He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
Copy !req
595. What if he just doesn't understand?
Copy !req
596. Uh, I'll act it out.
Yeah, like charades. Watch.
Copy !req
597. - Two words.
- Is it a movie?
Copy !req
598. This is not for you, Alan.
Copy !req
599. American teenager in Asia.
Copy !req
600. Karate Kid with Jaden Smith.
Copy !req
601. It's easy because
you were talking through it.
Copy !req
602. Stu, it's a waste of time.
Copy !req
603. Just leave this fucking guy here.
Copy !req
604. Oh, here's something. "There are
500,000 monks living in Thailand.
Copy !req
605. It is not uncommon for some monks
to take a vow of silence...
Copy !req
606. at the age of 8."
- There you go.
Copy !req
607. - Is there anything else in that envelope?
- No, it's empty.
Copy !req
608. Whoa, hang on.
Copy !req
609. A drink card from White Lion Bar,
Bangkok?
Copy !req
610. Worth a shot.
Copy !req
611. Jesus Christ. Is this the right street?
Copy !req
612. That's what it says.
Copy !req
613. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is the White Lion.
Copy !req
614. What the fuck happened here?
Copy !req
615. Holy shit.
Copy !req
616. - Oh, okay. Just keep walking. Yeah.
- Okay. Yeah, we should probably...
Copy !req
617. - Ah!
- All right. It's okay.
Copy !req
618. What the fuck is going on here?
Copy !req
619. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guys, check it out.
Copy !req
620. Holy shit. Stu, look.
Copy !req
621. That's my face.
Copy !req
622. Go, go, go.
Copy !req
623. Nice work, Alan.
Copy !req
624. - Hello?
- Be with you in a minute.
Copy !req
625. Excuse me.
Copy !req
626. Oh, look who it is.
Copy !req
627. So, what do you think?
Copy !req
628. What? I'm sorry?
Copy !req
629. The tattoo? You love it?
Copy !req
630. Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
Copy !req
631. No refunds. Get the fuck out.
Copy !req
632. - Wait a second.
- Read the sign.
Copy !req
633. We don't want a refund.
We just have a couple of questions.
Copy !req
634. Trying to figure out
what went down last night.
Copy !req
635. "What went down"?
Copy !req
636. Look what you did outside.
Half the neighborhood went down.
Copy !req
637. We did that?
Copy !req
638. You don't remember getting into a bar fight
at the White Lion?
Copy !req
639. Starting a full-on fucking riot?
Copy !req
640. No, sir. We don't remember anything.
Copy !req
641. Hold this. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
642. Check this out.
Copy !req
643. Holy shit.
Copy !req
644. Fuck the police!
Copy !req
645. Fuck the police!
Copy !req
646. There's Teddy. He was with us.
Copy !req
647. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
648. That's when the cops arrived,
started cracking skulls.
Copy !req
649. I took you guys
and hid you in the shop here.
Copy !req
650. Then you decided to get a tattoo.
Cried like a little bitch.
Copy !req
651. This kid's fucking 9 years old.
He's got balls twice your size.
Copy !req
652. - Show him your balls, man.
- No, no, no. That's okay.
Copy !req
653. Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy.
Have you seen him?
Copy !req
654. Not since last night. What happened?
Copy !req
655. Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister
tomorrow and we kind of lost him.
Copy !req
656. Oh, well. Then fuck it.
Copy !req
657. What do you mean, "fuck it"?
Copy !req
658. Bangkok has him now
and she'll never let him go.
Copy !req
659. You hear that? Huh?
Copy !req
660. - Is this what you wanted? Happy now?
- Phil.
Copy !req
661. You're wasting your time.
These monks take their vow shit seriously.
Copy !req
662. Look at this.
Copy !req
663. That's the sign of the Chiang Mei
monastery just outside of town.
Copy !req
664. Maybe somebody over there
can get him to talk.
Copy !req
665. Can we just go over this one more time?
You got the beer from...?
Copy !req
666. The hotel bar.
They gave me a sealed case.
Copy !req
667. - Right. But who gave it to you?
- The bartender.
Copy !req
668. Right. Okay.
Copy !req
669. And then you brought them out
and I opened them.
Copy !req
670. Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine,
so it's not the beer.
Copy !req
671. - So, what the hell happened?
- I have no idea.
Copy !req
672. Hey, guys. Check it out,
he's got a Chinese boner.
Copy !req
673. Alan, come on. Cut it out.
Copy !req
674. The monkey is a pervert.
Copy !req
675. Come on, that is so wrong.
Copy !req
676. Hey, don't stop, monkey, keep doing it.
Copy !req
677. When a monkey nibbles on a penis,
it's funny in any language.
Copy !req
678. Oh, keep doing it!
Copy !req
679. All right. Thank you.
Copy !req
680. We good?
Copy !req
681. Bye, Shannon. Bye, Lil Wayne.
Copy !req
682. Wow.
Copy !req
683. So beautiful.
Copy !req
684. What is this, a P.F. Chang's?
Copy !req
685. Ah, they're meditating.
Copy !req
686. - Such a peaceful people.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
687. Knock, knock! Hello?
Copy !req
688. Alan, Alan, show some respect.
Don't get up, guys.
Copy !req
689. We brought one of your guys back.
Copy !req
690. He's really funny.
He's really nice and cool.
Copy !req
691. Hi, how you doing?
Uh, are you the one in charge?
Copy !req
692. - Hey! Aah!
- Excuse me. Ow!
Copy !req
693. - Wait! Ah!
- stop in
Copy !req
694. Just calm down! Aah!
Copy !req
695. Hold on! Ah!
Copy !req
696. It's because" Ow! We're talking! Ah!
Copy !req
697. Stop talking. Goddamn it!
Copy !req
698. Don't! Stop!
Copy !req
699. Wait! it's me!
Copy !req
700. Stop hitting me!
Copy !req
701. Oh, I get it.
Copy !req
702. No talk. No talk.
Copy !req
703. Shh. Okay. We no talk.
Copy !req
704. Okay.
Copy !req
705. - Asshole.
- I get it, I get it.
Copy !req
706. Late last night, you climbed the walls
of our monastery...
Copy !req
707. shouting out question about love,
marriage and the meaning of life.
Copy !req
708. Poor Brother Han was meditating alone
in the garden and you took him.
Copy !req
709. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
710. We kidnapped a monk.
Copy !req
711. Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle.
Copy !req
712. And we are so sorry about that,
but we weren't ourselves last night.
Copy !req
713. Yup, things kind of spun out
of control a little bit.
Copy !req
714. But there's a boy who's missing
and hurt.
Copy !req
715. Can you find out if he knows
where our friend is?
Copy !req
716. Brother Han took a vow of silence
many years ago.
Copy !req
717. It would be useless to try.
Copy !req
718. Well, maybe he can write down
what happened on a piece of paper.
Copy !req
719. Actually, that would be cheating.
Right, Grand Wizard?
Copy !req
720. - Alan.
- I'm afraid Fatty is right.
Copy !req
721. See? What?
Copy !req
722. None us will ever know what
Brother Han knows.
Copy !req
723. Oh, all right.
Copy !req
724. So much for holy people.
Bunch of bald assholes. Come on, let's go.
Copy !req
725. Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna
put some signs up that say "no talking"...
Copy !req
726. - before you unleash your dragon.
- Yeah, that was a little rough.
Copy !req
727. You're welcome for bringing him back safe.
You know, we found him in a drunk tank.
Copy !req
728. We did take him in the first place.
Copy !req
729. Come on, guys, let's go.
Copy !req
730. Wait.
Copy !req
731. The Buddha teach:
Copy !req
732. Every memory lives somewhere
deep within.
Copy !req
733. Perhaps you should bring your question
to the garden of meditation.
Copy !req
734. - Did you understand a word he said?
- About two-thirds.
Copy !req
735. Something about the garden
of meditation?
Copy !req
736. No, he said he's farting
because of his medication.
Copy !req
737. I get that.
Copy !req
738. This is a waste of time.
I don't remember anything.
Copy !req
739. Do you?
Copy !req
740. No. I got nothing.
Copy !req
741. Alan?
Copy !req
742. Alan?
Copy !req
743. Every memory lives somewhere
deep within.
Copy !req
744. - Sweetie?
- What?
Copy !req
745. You have visitors.
Copy !req
746. - Hey, Alan.
- Hey, guys.
Copy !req
747. - Hey, Phil.
- Hey, buddy.
Copy !req
748. - Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- Is this true, Stuart?
Copy !req
749. Yeah, why not? it'll be fun.
Copy !req
750. - What the fuck?
- To Lauren and Stu.
Copy !req
751. Cheers.
Copy !req
752. - Chow?
- We had a sick night, bitches!
Copy !req
753. - Yeah!
- Alan, what the fuck?
Copy !req
754. Is that person coming to the wedding?
Copy !req
755. There is no wolf pack.
Copy !req
756. - Alan, don't do that!
- "The population in Thailand is ..."
Copy !req
757. And we're the three best friends
That anybody could have
Copy !req
758. Hey!
Copy !req
759. Yeah! Fuck the police! Fuck the police!
Copy !req
760. I know where to go.
Copy !req
761. What do you think, Alan?
Copy !req
762. Uh, this is the place.
Copy !req
763. Come on, let's go.
Copy !req
764. I don't remember any of this.
Copy !req
765. Yeah, Alan,
are you sure this is the place?
Copy !req
766. Yeah, pretty sure.
Copy !req
767. Bros, finally!
Copy !req
768. Is he coming or what?
I've been waiting all day for him.
Copy !req
769. Uh, I'm sorry. Waiting for who?
Copy !req
770. Chow, that dick-ass fuck.
Copy !req
771. - Why, what's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing's wrong.
Copy !req
772. Okay, good. Look at this.
Copy !req
773. Look what I bring for him.
Check it out, huh? Huh?
Copy !req
774. - No, no, no.
- $6000, American.
Copy !req
775. Wow, it looks so real.
Copy !req
776. Sorry. Ahem. Sorry.
Copy !req
777. Alan! What the fuck?
Copy !req
778. It's okay! it's okay.
The gun, very sensitive. Very sensitive.
Copy !req
779. - Everybody okay?
- Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
780. Okay? Then get the fuck back to work!
Copy !req
781. Come on! Music, please!
Copy !req
782. Who has my $6000?
Copy !req
783. No, no, no. That's Chow's deal.
We got nothing to do with that.
Copy !req
784. Un-fucking-believable, man.
Copy !req
785. This guy, if he backs out again,
this shit is gonna catch up to him, okay?
Copy !req
786. He's made a lot of enemies in this town
and now they're your enemies.
Copy !req
787. That's not fair!
Copy !req
788. Okay, listen.
We're just looking for a little kid.
Copy !req
789. - Two thousand dollars.
- What?
Copy !req
790. I don't know. Maybe more.
How young you want this kid to be?
Copy !req
791. No! No, no, no. Sorry.
You misunderstood.
Copy !req
792. We're looking for our friend,
16 years old, Teddy?
Copy !req
793. Teddy?
Yeah, he was here with you guys last night.
Copy !req
794. He was?
You remember if he left with us?
Copy !req
795. You were in the corner all night
with Kimmy. I didn't see you leave.
Copy !req
796. Kimmy? Kimmy? Is she here?
Copy !req
797. Yeah, she's in the back.
She just came for her shift. Go talk to her.
Copy !req
798. Listen, I'm sorry about everything
that happened.
Copy !req
799. Pay attention what
I'm gonna talk to you now.
Copy !req
800. When you see Chow,
you tell him Samir says hello.
Copy !req
801. - Okay.
- But do it like that, okay?
Copy !req
802. Hello. Like threatening.
Copy !req
803. Like ironic.
Copy !req
804. - Hello.
- Okay.
Copy !req
805. - Hello.
- Hello.
Copy !req
806. - Hello.
- More O. Hello.
Copy !req
807. Hello.
Copy !req
808. Go away, go away.
Fucking make me crazy.
Copy !req
809. Of course I remember him.
He was buying shots for everyone.
Copy !req
810. Nice kid. His parents must be so proud.
Copy !req
811. Yeah. You have no idea.
Copy !req
812. Okay, so do you remember
if he left with us?
Copy !req
813. Yeah, you all were leaving together,
but you almost forgot this one right here.
Copy !req
814. - Right, superstar?
- Hmm.
Copy !req
815. This one was following me around
like a little puppy dog all night.
Copy !req
816. Saying how he fall in love with me
and ask me to marry him.
Copy !req
817. Classic Stu.
Copy !req
818. - We didn't get married, did we?
- Of course not.
Copy !req
819. We just had some fun
in the Chardonnay Room.
Copy !req
820. What, uh... What happens
in the Chardonnay Room?
Copy !req
821. Let's just stay on task here.
Copy !req
822. Oh, you know. Dance for him.
He tickle me. We had sex.
Copy !req
823. - I massage his shoulders.
- Fuck!
Copy !req
824. It's okay. You're not married yet.
It's no big deal.
Copy !req
825. It's cheating, okay?
Copy !req
826. No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
It's a violation of my moral code.
Copy !req
827. Don't be sad. Stu, you love it.
Copy !req
828. You were crying,
saying how special it was.
Copy !req
829. Wait. Ha, ha. I'm sorry, he was crying?
Copy !req
830. What a baby. He was crying.
Copy !req
831. You should have seen him.
He was so sexy, the way he move around.
Copy !req
832. I had to ask him slow down
so I don't drop my load too quick.
Copy !req
833. Load? What load?
Copy !req
834. Oh, you know. My sperms.
Copy !req
835. Eh, I think your English is off.
You're talking about my sperms.
Copy !req
836. Where would your sperm come from?
Copy !req
837. From my balls.
Copy !req
838. Hold on. Back up.
Copy !req
839. Wait, wait. Are you...?
Copy !req
840. Hey. You in Bangkok, sweetie.
Copy !req
841. There's a reason
they don't call it Bangcunt.
Copy !req
842. Oh!
Copy !req
843. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
844. Wow.
Copy !req
845. I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
Copy !req
846. Come on, Stu. It was beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time.
Copy !req
847. How's that work?
Copy !req
848. Shoot my load into you,
you shoot your load on the floor.
Copy !req
849. - Okay.
- You shot your load in me?
Copy !req
850. In my bottom?
Copy !req
851. Oh, God.
Copy !req
852. Stu, it's not the end of the world.
Copy !req
853. I'm sorry, but I am so confused.
Copy !req
854. I made love to a man with boobies.
Copy !req
855. Listen, I promise you no one's ever
gonna find out about this.
Copy !req
856. But we just found out about it.
Copy !req
857. And then we forget. That's what we do.
Copy !req
858. I've done so much fucked up shit,
and I just forget about it.
Copy !req
859. - You have?
- Yeah. You just forget. It goes away.
Copy !req
860. That might be harder to go away,
but in time it'll happen.
Copy !req
861. That's what I'm gonna do.
Copy !req
862. I'm just gonna forget about it.
Copy !req
863. - Never happened.
- Right.
Copy !req
864. Phone. Phone. Who is it? Answer.
Copy !req
865. Lauren's dad.
Copy !req
866. It just reminded me.
Copy !req
867. - Answer it.
- I can't.
Copy !req
868. He might know something about Teddy.
We still have a shot.
Copy !req
869. - I can't.
- Get your head back into the fucking game.
Copy !req
870. - Hello?
- Who takes an all-day fishing trip...
Copy !req
871. the day before a wedding?
Copy !req
872. Yeah, ha, ha.
I guess it was kind of stupid.
Copy !req
873. Put Teddy on the phone.
Copy !req
874. - Uh, Teddy's seasick, actually.
- Seasick?
Copy !req
875. Teddy's been a maritime deck cadet
since he was 9.
Copy !req
876. Well, that's weird,
because he's puking everywhere.
Copy !req
877. I'm gonna tell you something
that you did not know.
Copy !req
878. I don't like you.
Copy !req
879. - Yeah, I knew that already.
- My daughter chooses you...
Copy !req
880. - that's her problem.
- Hey, it's Phil Winnick.
Copy !req
881. Listen, I apologize. We've been reeling in
some crazy marlin, and I just want...
Copy !req
882. - Phil!
- Phil!
Copy !req
883. Jesus.
Copy !req
884. - Phil? You're okay.
- Fuck me.
Copy !req
885. Give us back our monkey.
Copy !req
886. What monkey? Get your own monkey!
Copy !req
887. Come on, you asshole.
The fucking monkey.
Copy !req
888. Come on.
Copy !req
889. Any time, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us.
Copy !req
890. This is our monkey.
Copy !req
891. Alan, no one's getting shot over
a fucking monkey. Hand him over now.
Copy !req
892. Oh, God, I never get to keep no monkeys.
Copy !req
893. Hey, check it out.
He's got a banana on his helmet.
Copy !req
894. - These guys are the real deal.
- What's happening?
Copy !req
895. Hold on. How did this happen?
Do you know where our friend is?
Copy !req
896. Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, 16 years old, Asian kid?
Copy !req
897. No, I don't understand what he said.
Copy !req
898. What did he say? What did he say?
Copy !req
899. He said, "Fuck you and your question."
Copy !req
900. Oh, my arm!
Copy !req
901. Poor Phil! Phil, are you okay?
Copy !req
902. Oh, I got shot. Fuck! Fuck, guys.
Copy !req
903. It's all right, Phil. We'll figure this all out
and get the monkey back. I promise.
Copy !req
904. No one gives a fuck
about the monkey, Alan!
Copy !req
905. Oh, shit, look at my arm.
Copy !req
906. What the fuck is going on?
Copy !req
907. Stu, am I gonna be okay?
You're a doctor.
Copy !req
908. I don't know. Let me look, let me look.
Copy !req
909. What? What?
Copy !req
910. Stu, come here. No, look at it.
Copy !req
911. Stuart Price, get your ass back over here!
Copy !req
912. - You got shot!
- I know!
Copy !req
913. - Hey.
- Yo. You all right?
Copy !req
914. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Copy !req
915. Actually, bullet just grazed my arm.
Eight stitches.
Copy !req
916. Only cost $6. How's that even possible?
Copy !req
917. How's any of this even possible?
Copy !req
918. I mean, if I was a foot to my left,
Stu, I'd be dead.
Copy !req
919. What are we gonna do?
Copy !req
920. I'm sorry, guys.
This wasn't part of the plan.
Copy !req
921. What plan, Alan?
Copy !req
922. I've said too much already.
Copy !req
923. Alan, what plan?
Copy !req
924. This is all Teddy's fault.
Copy !req
925. What are you talking about, Alan?
Copy !req
926. Why is he here?
He's not part of the wolf pack.
Copy !req
927. Alan, what did you do?
Copy !req
928. It's not my fault. Teddy shouldn't have
been sharing from his bag.
Copy !req
929. What bag?
Copy !req
930. The marshmallows.
I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
Copy !req
931. But it was dark, it was hard to keep track,
and then you almost sat on them.
Copy !req
932. I couldn't tell which was which.
It was mayhem.
Copy !req
933. What did you do to the marshmallows,
Alan?
Copy !req
934. Alan? What did you do?
Copy !req
935. Well, isn't it obvious?
I spiked them with muscle relaxers.
Copy !req
936. And, plus, my ADHD medication.
Copy !req
937. - What?
- You drugged us again?
Copy !req
938. Not you. I just wanted to knock out Teddy
so we could enjoy the weekend.
Copy !req
939. "Enjoy the weekend"'? Alan, you told me
that you didn't do anything.
Copy !req
940. Alan, you swore to God.
Copy !req
941. I just wanted things to stay the same.
Copy !req
942. Look at my face!
Copy !req
943. You ruined my life!
Copy !req
944. You're not my friend.
Copy !req
945. Don't say that, Phil. Are you serious?
Even in America?
Copy !req
946. - Yes!
- Oh, God. Don't say that, Phil.
Copy !req
947. Don't start crying, Alan.
Copy !req
948. You're the bearded devil!
Copy !req
949. You liked it. You smiled at me when
I held up the marshmallows.
Copy !req
950. Because I like marshmallows,
you fucking psycho!
Copy !req
951. Hey! Whoa, whoa, hold on! Stop!
Copy !req
952. - Guys, guys. Enough.
- Why?
Copy !req
953. Why, Alan? s Why?
Copy !req
954. Because we're the three best friends,
remember?
Copy !req
955. Remember?
Copy !req
956. Stu, that's enough. That's enough.
Copy !req
957. Fuck.
Copy !req
958. Guys, we can't fall apart now.
We gotta stick together.
Copy !req
959. - Alan, what's that written on your belly?
- What? Huh?
Copy !req
960. "Lebua Hotel. Saturday, 6 p.m."
Did you write that?
Copy !req
961. No.
Copy !req
962. Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
Copy !req
963. What about England?
Are we friends there?
Copy !req
964. I told you,
it was in the heat of the moment.
Copy !req
965. We're still friends, all over the world.
Copy !req
966. - Even Great Britain?
- Yeah. Mm-hm.
Copy !req
967. Well, what about you, Stu?
Copy !req
968. We'll see.
Copy !req
969. Gentlemen, follow me.
Copy !req
970. All right.
Copy !req
971. Here you go.
Copy !req
972. Well.
Copy !req
973. It's about time. Sit down.
Copy !req
974. - Come on, sit, sit, sit.
- Okay.
Copy !req
975. Wow, you guys look like shit.
Copy !req
976. - Uh, do we know you?
- Hey.
Copy !req
977. Take off your fucking hat.
You're in a restaurant, for chrissake.
Copy !req
978. Okay, listen. Uh,
we have no clue what's going on here.
Copy !req
979. You know, they sell a plum whiskey here.
It's fucking unreal.
Copy !req
980. Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up.
Copy !req
981. Oh, I'm sorry, you guys already
got fucked up, didn't you?
Copy !req
982. Uh, listen. I'm a little confused.
How did you...?
Copy !req
983. Yeah, you know what?
I'm a little fucking confused.
Copy !req
984. Where's Chow?
Copy !req
985. Where is Chow with the fucking account
code and the fucking password?
Copy !req
986. We don't know anything about any codes.
We're just trying to find our friend.
Copy !req
987. - Teddy.
- Yes. Teddy.
Copy !req
988. Have you seen him?
Copy !req
989. Come here.
Copy !req
990. Hmm. Let's see. Oh.
Copy !req
991. There's Teddy.
Copy !req
992. - Holy shit. It's from last night.
- Hmm.
Copy !req
993. Who are you?
Copy !req
994. I'm a businessman...
Copy !req
995. and I have invested a large chunk
of capital in your friend Chow.
Copy !req
996. And in return, he was supposed
to transfer our profits electronically...
Copy !req
997. about five fucking minutes ago.
Copy !req
998. So last night,
we took Teddy as insurance.
Copy !req
999. Oh, my God. Is he okay?
Copy !req
1000. Oh, my God. I wasn't done talking.
Copy !req
1001. You tell Chow...
Copy !req
1002. that we are having breakfast on the roof
of this hotel tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.
Copy !req
1003. Now, if he makes the transfer,
you will get Teddy.
Copy !req
1004. If not, well, then, hey, you know?
It's Bangkok.
Copy !req
1005. That's your cue to get the fuck
out of here.
Copy !req
1006. Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
Copy !req
1007. Alan, leave the hat.
Copy !req
1008. Attaboy.
Copy !req
1009. We're fucked. Chow's dead.
What do we do now?
Copy !req
1010. The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow.
This whole thing's about a bank account.
Copy !req
1011. Let's just go back to the hotel,
Search Chow's body.
Copy !req
1012. And hopefully the password's
in his wallet or something.
Copy !req
1013. What if it isn't?
I mean, they're gonna kill Teddy.
Copy !req
1014. Just relax. We have until 8 a.m.
tomorrow to figure it out.
Copy !req
1015. First the monkey, now my hat.
Copy !req
1016. How much worse can this day get?
Copy !req
1017. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
1018. Well, we're living here in Alantown
Copy !req
1019. And he's driven our lives into the ground
Copy !req
1020. When we woke up
We were wasted and drunk
Copy !req
1021. Phil got shot
Copy !req
1022. We got beaten by a monk
Copy !req
1023. I was happy, and my life was good
Copy !req
1024. Getting married like a dentist should
Copy !req
1025. Roasting marshmallows on a stick
Copy !req
1026. I got fucked in the ass
Copy !req
1027. By a girl with a dick
Copy !req
1028. I remember that.
Copy !req
1029. And we're living here in Alantown
Copy !req
1030. There's water everywhere.
Copy !req
1031. Yeah, that's because it melted, Stu.
The fucking power's out.
Copy !req
1032. "With an inadequate electrical grid
serving millions of people...
Copy !req
1033. Bangkok experiences
1500 power outages per year."
Copy !req
1034. Seriously, Alan, that's enough.
Copy !req
1035. Out of the way.
Copy !req
1036. We got it.
Copy !req
1037. Ghost! There's a ghost!
Copy !req
1038. Motherfucker!
Copy !req
1039. Chow, calm down! Chow, calm down!
Copy !req
1040. - Fucking kill on me!
- No, no, no. Ah.
Copy !req
1041. It's okay.
Copy !req
1042. Relax.
Copy !req
1043. - Shh.
- Shh.
Copy !req
1044. That's it. It's just us. Breathe.
Copy !req
1045. - Chow so cold.
- I'm gonna warm you up.
Copy !req
1046. Chow so cold. Chow so cold.
Copy !req
1047. You did good, buddy. You did good.
Copy !req
1048. Chow did good.
Copy !req
1049. Feeling better?
Copy !req
1050. You all right? You warm enough?
Copy !req
1051. I don't know.
Come feel my balls and tell me.
Copy !req
1052. I've been locked
in a fucking ice box all day.
Copy !req
1053. Hey, Alan, you want my awesome
sunglasses, you just ask Chow.
Copy !req
1054. You don't have to kill me.
Copy !req
1055. Chow, nobody killed you. You were
already dead. You didn't have a pulse.
Copy !req
1056. Oh, you never do blow before?
Copy !req
1057. Sometime your heart stop, start up again.
Read a book.
Copy !req
1058. Look, I'm sorry.
We're just having a bad day.
Copy !req
1059. Oh, you having a bad day? Did you die?
Copy !req
1060. I got shot.
Copy !req
1061. But did you die?
Copy !req
1062. Chow, some guy told us that
you've got a bank code or something...
Copy !req
1063. and if we don't bring it to him first thing
in the morning, he's gonna kill Teddy.
Copy !req
1064. Who, Kingsley? Pfft. He harmless.
Copy !req
1065. Don't worry. I got the bank codes.
Copy !req
1066. Great. All right,
we gotta meet him at 8 a.m.
Copy !req
1067. Who is that fucking guy, anyway?
Copy !req
1068. Invest in my business.
Copy !req
1069. Yeah? What business is that?
Copy !req
1070. It's called Not Your Business, okay?
Copy !req
1071. So where's the monkey?
Copy !req
1072. - The monkey?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1073. I stashed the account number
and password in his vest. Where is he?
Copy !req
1074. - Why would you do that?
- Safekeeping, pretty boy.
Copy !req
1075. I got a lot of heat on my ass.
Copy !req
1076. I got FBI, Bangkok P.D.,
Interpol, MSNBC:
Copy !req
1077. That monkey snorting coke
with me all night...
Copy !req
1078. jerking me off while
I watch Stu fuck with ladyboy.
Copy !req
1079. - Ugh.
- He not going anywhere.
Copy !req
1080. We don't have the monkey, Chow.
Copy !req
1081. No, some Russian thugs
took him from us.
Copy !req
1082. Oh, you fucking guys.
Copy !req
1083. Okay, no problem.
Copy !req
1084. We just have to get him back.
Copy !req
1085. - From where?
- Same place we took him from.
Copy !req
1086. This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
Copy !req
1087. Think of him like monkey drug mule.
Copy !req
1088. He take coke to buyer...
Copy !req
1089. and deliver cash to dealer.
Copy !req
1090. He middleman.
Copy !req
1091. Dealer never handle drug directly.
Copy !req
1092. He clean.
Copy !req
1093. That's terrible.
Copy !req
1094. Not terrible. What you talking about?
It's fucking genius.
Copy !req
1095. You ever see monkey go to jail?
Copy !req
1096. We just signal monkey for deal,
he come close...
Copy !req
1097. we take his vest and that's that.
Copy !req
1098. Maybe get some blow too.
You know, just bump.
Copy !req
1099. No. No more bumps, Chow.
Copy !req
1100. Okay, this is ridiculous.
Copy !req
1101. Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle.
Signal monkey.
Copy !req
1102. - All right, here we go.
- Come on.
Copy !req
1103. How'd we wind up with the monkey
last night?
Copy !req
1104. Well, I needed some blow and
Alan thought he was cute, so we stole him.
Copy !req
1105. So stupid.
Copy !req
1106. Stu, ready to grab vest?
Copy !req
1107. I... Okay. I just grab it?
Copy !req
1108. - Yeah, just do it, Stu. Just do it.
- Hey, monkey!
Copy !req
1109. - Alan, shh.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1110. - Fuck!
- We gotta go right now.
Copy !req
1111. Pull that fucking monkey in!
Copy !req
1112. I'm trying!
Copy !req
1113. Aah! Fuck!
Copy !req
1114. Get that monkey in here, Stu!
Copy !req
1115. He won't let go!
Copy !req
1116. Stu, get back in the car right now!
Copy !req
1117. I'm trying! Slow down!
Copy !req
1118. He's so strong!
Copy !req
1119. Let go, you fucking monkey!
Copy !req
1120. - Look out!
- Aah!
Copy !req
1121. Oh, shit. Tight squeeze.
Copy !req
1122. I got him! I got him!
Copy !req
1123. - Where's the code, Chow?
- Check his little vest.
Copy !req
1124. - You got it, Alan?
- Yeah, I got it, Phil.
Copy !req
1125. - Slow down, slow down, Chow!
- Hold on, gay boys!
Copy !req
1126. - Holy shit!
- Fuck.
Copy !req
1127. Don't worry, I got this shit.
Copy !req
1128. Pig!
Copy !req
1129. Oh, my word!
Copy !req
1130. Ha, ha. Sorry, Stu. My bad.
Copy !req
1131. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1132. Get down!
Copy !req
1133. What the fuck?
Copy !req
1134. Oh, no! They shot the monkey!
Copy !req
1135. They shot the monkey!
Copy !req
1136. I'm at my wits' end!
Copy !req
1137. He's coming back around.
Copy !req
1138. Look out!
Copy !req
1139. - Holy fuck.
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
1140. - Everybody all right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1141. Whoo! I have such an erection right now.
Copy !req
1142. Are you for real?
Copy !req
1143. Shh.
Copy !req
1144. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Copy !req
1145. It's okay.
Copy !req
1146. They're gonna take good care
of you here, okay?
Copy !req
1147. What's that?
Copy !req
1148. Oh, yeah. Of course.
Copy !req
1149. Cigarettes, got them right here.
Here you go.
Copy !req
1150. There you go.
Copy !req
1151. Deep breath.
Copy !req
1152. Good. Good.
Copy !req
1153. Smoke it in.
Copy !req
1154. Breathe the smoke
into your tiny little lungs.
Copy !req
1155. There you go.
Copy !req
1156. It's funny. I've never been
much of a smoker...
Copy !req
1157. but, boy, does it look cool on you.
Copy !req
1158. Alan! Come on, let's go!
Copy !req
1159. I'm gonna miss you, monkey.
Copy !req
1160. I wish monkeys could Skype.
Copy !req
1161. Maybe one day.
Copy !req
1162. - Come on, get in.
- Scoot over.
Copy !req
1163. - Oh, we gotta go see Kingsley.
- He's gonna be fine.
Copy !req
1164. If I could save time in a bottle
Copy !req
1165. The first thing that I'd like to do
Copy !req
1166. Is to save every day
Copy !req
1167. Till eternity passes away
Copy !req
1168. Just to spend them with you
Copy !req
1169. Are you guys seriously this calm?
Copy !req
1170. Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
Copy !req
1171. I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
Copy !req
1172. Ever do anything that doesn't
end up in a standoff?
Copy !req
1173. I'm an international criminal.
It always ends like this.
Copy !req
1174. I met my wife at one of these things.
Copy !req
1175. You have a wife?
Copy !req
1176. Yeah. We married 15 years.
Copy !req
1177. What, Chow not good-looking enough
for woman?
Copy !req
1178. No, that's cool.
Copy !req
1179. - Let's do this.
- Welcome to the Tower Club.
Copy !req
1180. Blah, blah, blah. Who cares?
Copy !req
1181. - it's okay.
- Stop. Chow crossing.
Copy !req
1182. Hey, Kingsley.
Copy !req
1183. - Well, well.
- Propecia looking nice.
Copy !req
1184. Whew, you been hitting the gym?
Copy !req
1185. Yes, I am, actually.
Thank you for noticing, Chow.
Copy !req
1186. Hey, guys, have a seat.
Copy !req
1187. Where's Teddy?
Copy !req
1188. He's waiting downstairs in my car.
We'll send him up...
Copy !req
1189. - when the transfer is complete.
- Tell you what:
Copy !req
1190. Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy.
And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
Copy !req
1191. Oh, jeez. Chow.
Copy !req
1192. Can we move this along?
Copy !req
1193. Alan, account number?
Copy !req
1194. Come On, Come On, Come On.
Copy !req
1195. Uh, eight-one-four...
Copy !req
1196. K, as in "knife"...
Copy !req
1197. two-three-nine-eight.
Copy !req
1198. Password?
Copy !req
1199. "Baloney1
Copy !req
1200. Your password is "baloney1"?
Copy !req
1201. It used to be just "baloney."
Now they make you add number.
Copy !req
1202. Really fucking annoying. Okay.
Copy !req
1203. - And it's that easy.
- Ta-da.
Copy !req
1204. Oh, look, you sunk my battleship.
Copy !req
1205. Great. Now can we please have Teddy?
Copy !req
1206. Uh, yeah. Bring him up.
Copy !req
1207. Good to go.
Copy !req
1208. Ha, ha. See? We go to your
wedding, we have fun, I bust a nut.
Copy !req
1209. We did it, Stu. It's over.
Copy !req
1210. This is Bangkok Police.
Everybody down.
Copy !req
1211. No! Kingsley, you're fucking 5-0?
Copy !req
1212. Gotcha, Leslie.
Copy !req
1213. Get him out of here.
Copy !req
1214. Go. Good, good! We're good!
Copy !req
1215. How the fuck...?
Copy !req
1216. Samir?
Copy !req
1217. You fucked me over 6 grand?
You camel jockey.
Copy !req
1218. You spit to me?
Copy !req
1219. You spit to me?
Copy !req
1220. Hey, 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time.
Copy !req
1221. It's not the money, man.
It's the principle.
Copy !req
1222. Principle? Nigga, please.
We both dead inside.
Copy !req
1223. You call me nigga?
Huh? Don't call me nigga.
Copy !req
1224. - Toodleoo, motherfucker!
- Called me nigga. Racist asshole, man.
Copy !req
1225. - You guys okay?
- What the fuck's going on?
Copy !req
1226. Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
Copy !req
1227. - You're a cop?
- Yes.
Copy !req
1228. This sting operation's been in place
for weeks.
Copy !req
1229. When Samir told us
that your friend was lost...
Copy !req
1230. we took advantage of that information.
Copy !req
1231. - I'm sorry.
- Oh, no.
Copy !req
1232. - So can Teddy come out of the car now?
- No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fucking car.
Copy !req
1233. They don't have him.
They never had him.
Copy !req
1234. They just needed us to bring them Chow.
Copy !req
1235. They used Teddy as bait.
Copy !req
1236. Do you have any leads at all?
Copy !req
1237. No. We've checked everywhere,
no one has seen him. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1238. If you haven't found him by now...
Copy !req
1239. I'm afraid Bangkok has him.
Copy !req
1240. Why do people keep saying that?
Copy !req
1241. Stu...
Copy !req
1242. it's time.
Copy !req
1243. Phil.
Copy !req
1244. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1245. Don't say that. Please.
Copy !req
1246. No, this time we really fucked up.
Copy !req
1247. Oh, God. How bad?
Copy !req
1248. Like no wedding bad?
Copy !req
1249. Yeah.
Copy !req
1250. Little worse than that.
Copy !req
1251. I don't know what to tell you.
Copy !req
1252. Okay, how about this?
Copy !req
1253. He fell off the fishing boat and drowned.
Copy !req
1254. No.
Copy !req
1255. Okay, I got it.
Copy !req
1256. Teddy was hit by a truck.
Copy !req
1257. - Alan.
- Not a good time, Phil. Kind of busy.
Copy !req
1258. How many people get run over here?
Copy !req
1259. Ugh. Over 1200 a year, Phil.
Copy !req
1260. Perfect.
His body was too mangled to recover.
Copy !req
1261. Case closed.
Copy !req
1262. Can I have more ice, please?
Copy !req
1263. I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
Copy !req
1264. Stu, do you want this or not?
Copy !req
1265. Look at what I've done, Phil.
Copy !req
1266. What I do.
Copy !req
1267. I have a weakness for prostitutes.
Copy !req
1268. All kinds, apparently.
Copy !req
1269. I have a demon in me.
Copy !req
1270. So what?
Copy !req
1271. Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
I'll just let her live her life without me.
Copy !req
1272. Stu.
Copy !req
1273. I want you to call Doug and tell him
I'm never coming back.
Copy !req
1274. I'm getting off the hamster wheel.
Copy !req
1275. I'm gonna stay here in Bangkok.
Copy !req
1276. I think I belong here.
Copy !req
1277. Open up a little dentist office.
Copy !req
1278. Teeth cleanings with a happy ending.
Copy !req
1279. You sure about this?
Copy !req
1280. Hey! What the crud?
Copy !req
1281. Power's out, Alan.
Copy !req
1282. - Phil.
- Doug.
Copy !req
1283. I need answers, man.
Copy !req
1284. - I know, um ...
- Doug, who are you talking to?
Copy !req
1285. - Give me the phone.
- No, that's a private...
Copy !req
1286. - Who is this?
- Lauren?
Copy !req
1287. Phil? Tell me what's going on right now.
Copy !req
1288. We lost your little brother.
Copy !req
1289. What?
Copy !req
1290. Bangkok has him now.
Copy !req
1291. We gotta take the stairs.
Copy !req
1292. You're in Bangkok?
Copy !req
1293. Ew! That's a finger!
Copy !req
1294. Put Stu on the phone.
Copy !req
1295. "Bangkok experiences
1500 power outages per year."
Copy !req
1296. Stu really just doesn't wanna
talk to anybody.
Copy !req
1297. - Water.
- Power's out.
Copy !req
1298. Come on, Stewie.
Use that big Jewish brain.
Copy !req
1299. He's just not up for it...
Copy !req
1300. - Phil? Phil. Phil, give me the phone.
- it's Lauren.
Copy !req
1301. - I know. I need to talk to her.
- I'm handling this. I'll handle this, Stu!
Copy !req
1302. - You're gonna break her heart!
- Hey, sweetheart, it's me.
Copy !req
1303. I'm so sorry!
Copy !req
1304. Stu? What the hell is going on?
What does he mean, you lost Teddy?
Copy !req
1305. What? Is that what Phil said?
Copy !req
1306. No, no, no. We misplaced Teddy.
Copy !req
1307. But we're all good now. We're headed back
to the resort. See you soon.
Copy !req
1308. I love you so much.
Copy !req
1309. And I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.
Copy !req
1310. Stu!
Copy !req
1311. - Stu...!
- Ah!
Copy !req
1312. Taxi! Taxi!
Copy !req
1313. Come on! Come on, Alan! Come on!
Copy !req
1314. - Hey, you mind filling us in?
- Okay.
Copy !req
1315. - Now, when we woke up, the power was out.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1316. And you found Teddy's finger in what?
Copy !req
1317. - In a bowl of water.
- But it didn't start out as water.
Copy !req
1318. - It was ice.
- Exactly. Teddy got ice from the machine...
Copy !req
1319. came back to the room,
put his finger on ice, fell asleep.
Copy !req
1320. What do you do if you wake up
and your finger's in a bowl of melted ice?
Copy !req
1321. I'd get more ice, Stu,
on the 15th fucking floor!
Copy !req
1322. Yes!
Teddy goes up, the power goes out...
Copy !req
1323. Holy shit. Of course.
Copy !req
1324. Of course, he's in the ice machine.
Copy !req
1325. Alan, no!
Copy !req
1326. It's on 10!
Copy !req
1327. Sir, is the elevator stuck?
Copy !req
1328. - Come on.
- Go. Go, go, go.
Copy !req
1329. Ten! This is it! Teddy!
Copy !req
1330. Teddy! Teddy!
Copy !req
1331. Look out, look out.
Copy !req
1332. - Oh, my God! Teddy!
- He's okay! He's okay!
Copy !req
1333. Hey, you okay?
Copy !req
1334. You okay, man?
Copy !req
1335. Where am I?
Copy !req
1336. You're in an elevator in the middle
of Bangkok.
Copy !req
1337. But we're gonna get you out of here.
It's gonna be fine.
Copy !req
1338. Hey, Stu...
Copy !req
1339. nice tattoo.
Copy !req
1340. - Thanks, man.
- All right, let's do this.
Copy !req
1341. Come on. Come on, come on.
Copy !req
1342. Doug, we found him. Yeah!
Copy !req
1343. I know, I know, but we're on our way.
Okay, bye.
Copy !req
1344. All right, guests are arriving,
people are starting to ask questions...
Copy !req
1345. but we can still pull this off.
Copy !req
1346. - How?
- I don't know. Like, a taxi?
Copy !req
1347. - Chow's speedboat.
- What?
Copy !req
1348. Last thing I remember was getting
off Chow's speedboat.
Copy !req
1349. Chow has a speedboat?
Copy !req
1350. The Perfect Life.
Copy !req
1351. Come on.
Copy !req
1352. Stu, get that back line.
Copy !req
1353. Good jump, Phil!
Copy !req
1354. - You all right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1355. You sure you know how
to drive this thing?
Copy !req
1356. Please. I was raised in yacht clubs.
I know what I'm doing.
Copy !req
1357. You know where we're going?
Copy !req
1358. Please address me as "captain."
Copy !req
1359. Oh, fuck you, Alan.
Copy !req
1360. Do you know where We're going,
captain?
Copy !req
1361. Affirmative, cadet. We're going south,
through the Gulf of Thailand. Ha, ha.
Copy !req
1362. Good.
Copy !req
1363. Hey. You okay?
Copy !req
1364. - Feeling a little better.
- All right.
Copy !req
1365. Listen, Teddy, I'm really sorry.
We didn't mean for any of this to happen.
Copy !req
1366. It's funny. I can't remember anything...
Copy !req
1367. but when I woke up...
Copy !req
1368. I was kind of happy.
Copy !req
1369. Yeah!
Copy !req
1370. By the way, you have any idea
where my finger is?
Copy !req
1371. Yeah, we gave it
to a drug-dealing monkey.
Copy !req
1372. Bangkok.
Copy !req
1373. Yeah, right?
Copy !req
1374. Fucking Bangkok.
Copy !req
1375. He's on his way, I'm telling you.
Dad's always doing this.
Copy !req
1376. No, it's just...
Copy !req
1377. I apologize! There will be no wedding!
Copy !req
1378. No, he is on his way. He will be here.
Copy !req
1379. Please, if you will all move to the bar.
Copy !req
1380. We are going to clear this area. Please.
Copy !req
1381. Daddy, how can you do this?
Copy !req
1382. I'm telling you, I spoke to him.
He's coming.
Copy !req
1383. You don't understand.
Copy !req
1384. Look. There they are.
Copy !req
1385. Stu!
Copy !req
1386. Alan, there's no dock.
Copy !req
1387. Just hang on.
Copy !req
1388. - Alan, it's not funny. Turn the boat.
- Hang on.
Copy !req
1389. Is that Alan driving the boat?
Copy !req
1390. What? Uh...
Copy !req
1391. We should probably move back a little bit.
Come on.
Copy !req
1392. - Alan, slow down!
- Please!
Copy !req
1393. Turn the boat! Turn the boat, Alan!
Turn the fucking boat!
Copy !req
1394. Everyone, back up a little bit here.
Copy !req
1395. Sir, it's gonna get worse
before it gets better. Come on, sir.
Copy !req
1396. Hold on! Hold on!
Copy !req
1397. Fuck!
Copy !req
1398. Hi.
Copy !req
1399. Hi, everybody.
Copy !req
1400. We came in a little hotter
than we planned.
Copy !req
1401. And sorry we trenched the lawn here.
Copy !req
1402. Totally fixable. A bit of sod, we'll be fine.
Copy !req
1403. - Baby!
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1404. - Hi.
- Ah, I'm so happy to see you.
Copy !req
1405. Teddy.
Copy !req
1406. Teddy, here.
Copy !req
1407. - Hi, Dad.
- Oh, Teddy.
Copy !req
1408. - Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Copy !req
1409. No! Your hand!
Copy !req
1410. I know. We had an accident. I'm okay.
Copy !req
1411. - This is your fault.
- No, Dad.
Copy !req
1412. He's right. Mr. Srisai, Lauren.
Copy !req
1413. - I haven't been completely honest with you.
- Stu?
Copy !req
1414. - Yeah?
- Don't do this.
Copy !req
1415. Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
Copy !req
1416. You said I'm chok.
Copy !req
1417. Well, I'm not.
Copy !req
1418. I'm not some weird milky, ricey,
watery goop...
Copy !req
1419. that you feed to infants
and old people, okay?
Copy !req
1420. Maybe I would be
if you added some cayenne pepper.
Copy !req
1421. I wish I was a boring dentist
who had a boring life and boring friends...
Copy !req
1422. but I don't, I'm not.
Copy !req
1423. I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
Copy !req
1424. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
No membership fee...
Copy !req
1425. I have heard enough of this.
You come here.
Copy !req
1426. Whoa.
Copy !req
1427. Here's the deal, man.
Copy !req
1428. I got a dark side.
Copy !req
1429. There's a demon in me.
Copy !req
1430. It's true, he has semen in him.
Copy !req
1431. I said "demon."
Copy !req
1432. But you also have semen in you.
Remember?
Copy !req
1433. That's not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
Copy !req
1434. Point is...
Copy !req
1435. this demon takes me
to some pretty weird places.
Copy !req
1436. And we lost Teddy
for two days in Bangkok.
Copy !req
1437. But that same demon took us to hell
and back to find him.
Copy !req
1438. We took on Bangkok and we won.
Copy !req
1439. And that's pretty fucking cool
if you ask me. Right?
Copy !req
1440. I love your daughter
and I'm gonna marry her...
Copy !req
1441. unless you have any problem with that.
Copy !req
1442. - I'm good.
- All right.
Copy !req
1443. But all that said...
Copy !req
1444. it would actually mean a great deal
to both of us...
Copy !req
1445. if we could just get
your motherfucking blessing.
Copy !req
1446. Hey, Alan.
Copy !req
1447. Your head looks pretty cool shaved.
Copy !req
1448. Thanks, Phil.
Copy !req
1449. You should shave your head too.
Copy !req
1450. Why would I do that?
Copy !req
1451. Well, that way,
we would look exactly alike.
Copy !req
1452. Take good care of my daughter, Stu.
Copy !req
1453. - I will.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1454. I'm sorry we almost
killed everyone with the boat.
Copy !req
1455. Just happy you're here.
Copy !req
1456. Don't worry about the tattoo. I'll have it
lasered as soon as we're home in L.A.
Copy !req
1457. It's okay. I can get used to it.
Copy !req
1458. Really?
Copy !req
1459. - But for now, let's switch sides?
- Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
1460. Thank you.
Copy !req
1461. Much better.
Copy !req
1462. Dear family and friends...
Copy !req
1463. on behalf of Stu and Lauren...
Copy !req
1464. I welcome all of you
for this marriage celebration.
Copy !req
1465. We are here today to encourage,
celebrate...
Copy !req
1466. I walk along the avenue
Copy !req
1467. I never thought I'd meet a girl like you
Copy !req
1468. Meet a girl like you
Copy !req
1469. And I ran
Iran so far away
Copy !req
1470. I couldn't get away
Copy !req
1471. Thanks, buddy.
Can you hold on for a second?
Copy !req
1472. Thank you. Ahem.
Copy !req
1473. Hello? Hi, everyone.
Copy !req
1474. I'm, uh... My name's Alan Garner.
Copy !req
1475. Um, I want to thank the Asiatic people
for allowing us in your land.
Copy !req
1476. I wanted to, um, say that, um,
I'm really happy to be here...
Copy !req
1477. and I have a wedding gift
to present to Lauren and Stu.
Copy !req
1478. Um, and a lot of thought have gone
into this...
Copy !req
1479. and I hope that you appreciate it
as much I di... Are going to.
Copy !req
1480. Okay. Guys.
Copy !req
1481. Bangkok, Oriental setting, and the city
Don't know what the city is getting
Copy !req
1482. Oh, fuck!
Copy !req
1483. In a show with everything
But Yul Brynner, ya know?
Copy !req
1484. One night in Bangkok
And the world's your oyster
Copy !req
1485. The bars are temples
But the pearls, they ain't free
Copy !req
1486. You'll find a god in every golden cloister
Copy !req
1487. And if you're lucky, then the god's a she
Copy !req
1488. Alan!
Copy !req
1489. I can feel the devil walking next to me
Copy !req
1490. What the fuck, man?
Copy !req
1491. - So, what do you think?
- It's insane! How did you do that?
Copy !req
1492. My dad had to make a lot of calls,
and then I told Mike, I said:
Copy !req
1493. "You gotta do it.
It's for my third best friend."
Copy !req
1494. Alan, it's amazing. I love it.
Copy !req
1495. Thank you so much.
Copy !req
1496. We only have him for the night.
We don't own him permanently.
Copy !req
1497. Understood.
Copy !req
1498. One night in Bangkok
Makes the hard man humble
Copy !req
1499. Not much between despair and ecstasy
Copy !req
1500. I can feel the devil walking next to me
Copy !req
1501. You do a lot of public speaking, Alan?
Copy !req
1502. Mike, you were great.
Copy !req
1503. It's true, that was incredible.
Copy !req
1504. Thanks, guys. Thank you.
That means a lot. Really, it does.
Copy !req
1505. By the way, you really need to remove
that fucking tattoo from your face.
Copy !req
1506. Yep. On it.
Copy !req
1507. Sorry about the last-minute
performance change.
Copy !req
1508. - Don't worry.
- What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1509. Well, he was supposed to sing
"Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers...
Copy !req
1510. but then I remembered
you don't like indie rock.
Copy !req
1511. Hey, guys. You're not gonna believe this.
Copy !req
1512. - Is that your phone?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1513. How come you never tried calling us?
Copy !req
1514. It's been dead for two days.
Copy !req
1515. But I recharged it
and found all these photos.
Copy !req
1516. - What?
- Oh, shit.
Copy !req
1517. Some of it's pretty messed up.
Copy !req
1518. - Awesome. Let's check them out.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
1519. No one needs to see this stuff.
Copy !req
1520. Come on, man. I'm Mike Tyson.
I've seen everything.
Copy !req
1521. - It'll be fine.
- What...?
Copy !req
1522. All right. But we look at it once...
Copy !req
1523. And then we delete them.
It's gonna be okay.
Copy !req
1524. Motherfucker.
Copy !req