The God of Cookery (1996)

1. Sir, you were born with angel's bones, your eyes show holy light.

2. You're a saint descended to earth. I've found you at last.

3. Don't go away.

4. Though I'm revealing heaven's secret and will suffer,

5. it's just my destiny.

6. Even if it is more risky, I have to tell you your whole fortune.

7. Sir...

8. An assorted noodle, please.

9. Since the noodle hasn't been rinsed in cold water, it tastes like alkaline.

10. And the fish balls are tasteless, too.

11. You cook them as curry fish ball

12. in order to cover this drawback.

13. But it's naive for you to do all this,

14. as the woking time was not long enough.

15. The curry flavor only stays outside.

16. The soup washes the taste away.

17. The curry fish ball now becomes tasteless,

18. neither fish nor curry.

19. That's a failure!

20. You haven't selected the turnip. Too much fiber. A failure.

21. The pig skin is overcooked. A failure.

22. The pig blood is too soft. A failure, too.

23. This pig colon is the worst.

24. It's not properly washed. You can find shit inside. How come?

25. Hey, shit!

26. Hey, shit, hey.

27. Hey, shit.

28. Just wipe it off.

29. How about I promote that?

30. "We can find shit in your food."

31. Nothing special.

32. This is assorted noodle!

33. - $23. - You're paying me?

34. You'd better give me $30 for me to see a doctor.

35. Please respect me at least. I'm the God of Cookery.

36. - The God of Cookery? - The God of Cookery.

37. You were born with angel's bones, your eyes show holy light.

38. You're a saint descended to earth. I've found you at last.

39. I'm pretty famous in this district.

40. You needn't say, bitch.

41. Hey, I'm only making a living.

42. You needn't hurt me by saying so.

43. - Bitch. - Bastard.

44. - Bitch... - Bastard...

45. Competition of the Supreme Chef of HK is now starting.

46. Let's have the honor of our judge tonight, the God of Cookery.

47. The God of Cookery will taste our first entry—

48. King's Fried Rice prepared by Tai Long from Lung Fung Restaurant.

49. Good, you managed to steam the rice stuffed inside a shrimp

50. and seasoned it with First Class abalone juice,

51. then fried it with bird's nest.

52. At first glance, this is common fried rice.

53. But in fact, it shows the highest technique.

54. You deserve to be called the King of Frying.

55. However, the vaporized water made the rice too soft.

56. You've ignored the most basic technique of frying rice.

57. You must use over-night rice for frying rice, King of Frying.

58. Your rank: zero!

59. The next entry is Multi-Fish, cooked by Lau Sam of Kam Kong Restaurant.

60. The ingredients include somei, garoupa, and three other fish,

61. then reshaped as a whole fish—

62. one side to be steamed and the other to be deep-fried.

63. Each kind of fish receives two flavors. Altogether, ten different flavors.

64. This fish is really...

65. It's like being radiated. I just want to vomit.

66. You want me to eat this?

67. Your rank: zero. Go home and review yourself.

68. - I— - You're so dumb.

69. Not dumb. You made extra fish.

70. You— You made extra fish.

71. The next entry is Golden Robe by Chan Tung of Royal Restaurant.

72. This vegetarian dish shows the cutting techniques.

73. How long did you spend carving the bean curd?

74. One whole day.

75. But you know it's become pungent.

76. Can't you smell that?

77. Yes, I do.

78. But this dish mainly shows my fast carving skills.

79. Please show us your left hand.

80. And now your middle finger.

81. You've cut your finger, Fast Chopper.

82. Terrific!

83. Now, the remaining entry is Secret Roast Goose

84. by Yeung Chun Tin of Five Rams Restaurant.

85. It's seems he'll surely get the championship title.

86. It's already cold. Your rank: zero.

87. - Finished. - Hold it.

88. Since it's called Secret Roast Goose, there must be some secret.

89. In fact, we only eat the paddy birds inside.

90. Those paddy birds have absorbed

91. the flavor of the goose, and have been keeping warm.

92. It's perfect to eat them now.

93. I've taken every detail into account.

94. God of Cookery, what have you to complain about now?

95. Great! The Supreme Cook of HK is born now.

96. Hold it.

97. - His rank is still zero. - What?

98. No way.

99. Why?

100. It's too ugly.

101. Impossible! I've specially selected the paddy birds.

102. They're all pretty and tasty.

103. I don't mean the paddy birds. I mean you.

104. I'm ugly?

105. What's that got to do with my appearance?

106. Sure. How can I have an appetite

107. when I see your appearance?

108. Therefore, I dare not look at you.

109. But being ugly is not a fault.

110. Sure.

111. Being a chef, you must be considerate for the guests.

112. Even female stars in porn movies must get plastic surgery on their busts.

113. Though you have potential, you need surgery on your face first.

114. Please pull his hands away.

115. I never expected the God of Cookery to be so demanding.

116. How can we make a totally perfect dish?

117. When talking about cooking, we depend on one word.

118. This Rainbow with Flowers is my dessert for you tonight.

119. And the word is "heart."

120. Right. We must rely on our heart to make the perfect dish.

121. Very delicious!

122. He's proud, yet humble at the same time.

123. He tries not to be famous, but is admired by everybody.

124. He's made good use of fire, the gift to humans from God.

125. He can make super dishes, the real art of fire.

126. Is he an angel from heaven?

127. Or is he Satan from hell?

128. No one will know.

129. But one thing is certain.

130. Everyone addresses him as the God of Cookery.

131. You only need to say I'm an angel from heaven.

132. Why say I'm Satan from hell?

133. Is hell related to me?

134. I wanted to add a little bit of mystery to you.

135. You wanted to do what? Have you considered me?

136. "A little bit of mystery." Damn you!

137. A darkened screen with a spotlight on you so that you look like a ghost.

138. Don't you think that's mystery enough?

139. I'm not shooting horrible movies, man.

140. But the director wants that.

141. Hire an assassin to kill that director,

142. and then you.

143. With such a rubbish director and such a lousy MC as you...

144. You both conspire to play me a fool.

145. Are you playing me a fool?

146. Sorry. I promise to write the script properly next time.

147. - Rubbish. You're useless. - I'll go and fix it at once.

148. Remember, you're no more than garbage.

149. Roll back home immediately.

150. My dear fellows,

151. you've all done a great job.

152. - We should. - It's our duty.

153. - Mr. Tai. - We all understand that, God of Cookery.

154. It's my pleasure. Mr. Lau, thanks.

155. I learn a lot from you.

156. I should do this.

157. You made extra fish.

158. How long have you practiced? Extra fish.

159. - Just tell us if you need any help. - Sure, I will.

160. Thanks for your commission.

161. You know you've taken my commission?

162. You know you've take my money, right?

163. You shouldn't shout that so loudly there.

164. I was so absorbed in announcing it.

165. Mr. Yeung, shouting doesn't mean good acting.

166. You shouted that "very delicious" ironically and derisively.

167. Even a blind person knows you're only acting.

168. I was sucking on the acrylic and dioxide solution.

169. Of course the acrylic and dioxide solution.

170. How else could I write that out?

171. You should know this stuff well.

172. - It's a really hard work. - Sure, it is.

173. You're to take up this hard task. How dare you challenge me?

174. You think you're really capable?

175. If you were capable, you'd be standing in my position right now.

176. You're so foolish.

177. If you get on my nerves, I'll kick you down there.

178. I'll hang up your dead body in Statue Square.

179. Suck these cigarettes butts and say, "Very delicious."

180. Say it until I ask you to stop.

181. Boss, sorry to bother you, but we would like to leave now.

182. All right. Thanks.

183. Your share has risen. Why didn't you inform me?

184. Has it?

185. I really didn't know, I swear. Let's talk business first.

186. I have a new product. I want to make use of your fame.

187. - I'll see if we can agree. - Instant Cup Noodle.

188. Maggie.

189. There are 53 kinds of instant cup noodles in the market,

190. with annual sales of $1.3 billion.

191. Cup noodle gets a share of 33%. Very keen competition indeed.

192. - Good packaging. - My nephew is in charge of it.

193. He admires you very much.

194. - Richard, greet Mr. Stephen. - Mr. Stephen.

195. Richard, you must had higher education.

196. Har-Harvard University of USA.

197. Har-Harvard University of USA.

198. And Cam-Cambridge University.

199. Cam-Cambridge University.

200. Double master's degrees.

201. Let me explain the design of this product.

202. What are you doing?

203. Why did you come over here?

204. Go on speaking over there. You are not to stand here.

205. - Where's your homeland? - Chiu Chow.

206. Damn you. Don't you have any manners?

207. You said you have master's degrees?

208. Is bastard's degree more appropriate?

209. Why did you go to that side?

210. He called you a bastard, do you hear?

211. Okay, don't scare the kid.

212. If I don't teach him, who will?

213. Keep calm, don't tremble.

214. Be good. Smile.

215. The fish balls seem a bit lousy.

216. They're not elastic at all.

217. Why must they be elastic inside the stomach?

218. It's not for ping pong.

219. Why not for ping pong?

220. So they're pretty elastic after all.

221. Come on, drink it, asshole.

222. Asshole.

223. You can come any time if you have interest.

224. - I'll try my best to help you. - I'll do whatever I can to help you.

225. Good brother. Buddy.

226. - Really good buddies? - You must help me.

227. I'm counting on you. Let's toast.

228. I've got good bargain beef.

229. Call this number if you want it.

230. But why won't you give me benefits on abalone?

231. Excuse me. Make way.

232. Sorry to bother you.

233. I'm Bull Tong,

234. graduate of the Chinese Cookery Academy.

235. I can cook delicious dishes.

236. Right. Good cooks always end up as beggars.

237. You've hired so much garbage. No way.

238. Don't you know him? Isn't he your staff?

239. Fat Bull, which department are you from?

240. I'm just passing by.

241. What?

242. I do admire you, God of Cookery.

243. I was just wondering if you would give me a chance.

244. Maybe you can hire me as an assistant.

245. Damn you!

246. - Security. - What do you want?

247. - Catch him? - I didn't say that.

248. You really want to follow me?

249. Yes. You can ask me to do whatever you like.

250. Take a big dump in front of the elevator now.

251. This fatty is hard-working.

252. Contact Amy on the 41st floor tomorrow at 9.

253. Are you serious?

254. I like that.

255. Doing whatever you like proves your power.

256. Thanks.

257. I must thank you.

258. Ow!

259. - What are you doing? - What's going on?

260. The boss is dining here, so I brought him a bottle of red wine.

261. He's losing his temper right now.

262. Which wine did you deliver?

263. - He wants an '82. - This is an '82.

264. I gave him an '83.

265. - Go take this to him at once. - Yes. You go.

266. Boss, this is a bottle '82.

267. Are you hungry?

268. Sit down and eat something.

269. Why?

270. I'm indeed a kind man. I do have sympathy.

271. You can never guess what I'll do next.

272. Go on eating.

273. Why this now?

274. I tell you, you can never guess what I'll do next.

275. Just keep eating.

276. Once is enough. You can't fool me a second time.

277. I won't let you guess.

278. I won't fool you again, no way.

279. Yes, I'm really a nut.

280. I really can't figure out what you're going to do next.

281. I've told you twice already.

282. If you can guess, I wouldn't be called the God of Cookery.

283. The God of Cookery is great.

284. Of course! I'll surely win!

285. The God of Cookery is great!

286. Get some narrow tables and small chairs so that customers can't sit comfortably,

287. and they'll leave as soon as possible after eating.

288. Get the thickest straws and biggest ice-cubes.

289. Then they can finish the drinks quickly and buy more.

290. Are you a newcomer? Do you need me to teach you?

291. Not flexible at all, asshole.

292. - Mr. Chow, the ceremony may begin now. - Good, let's begin.

293. Are you ready?

294. Yes.

295. Making big money.

296. Please help yourselves to some snacks.

297. Your branch opens opposite my cafe again.

298. - You respect me so much! - Aren't I friendly enough?

299. Asshole!

300. - Mr. Chow, congratulations. - Thanks. Drink more.

301. A fan will present you with flowers, then you'll get on stage.

302. Who's so clever as to get a fan to present flowers?

303. We didn't hire her. She's really your fan.

304. - What? - Female student, nice and gentle.

305. - She's been waiting for you so long. - Has she?

306. What a coincidence!

307. Hey, what a coincidence!

308. Hey, what— what a coincidence!

309. What a—

310. What a coincidence.

311. Mr. Chow...

312. - Time to present flowers. - Yeah, I know.

313. - Can we start now? - I'm waiting on you.

314. God of Cookery!

315. Hey! UFO!

316. Dear guests, the celebration for the opening of our 50th branch

317. is starting now.

318. We've selected the time.

319. We now invite the Kitchen God into the kitchen.

320. Since we have some spare time,

321. we'll now introduce a new course to you.

322. "Deep First Love Gold Silver Lovers Main Course."

323. Even Confucius and Jesus said, "First love is wonderful."

324. So we chose this theme by using the best ingredients.

325. The price for this course is only $99.99.

326. A bonus stamp is issued for every meal.

327. If you collect five bonus stamps,

328. you can redeem a "Love Bone" pendant for the price of $99.99.

329. As I have blessed this pendant,

330. it really helps young lovers with their first love.

331. It's even more effective with the help of alcohol.

332. Let's have the honor of the God of Cookery

333. demonstrate how to prepare this course.

334. Thanks, but please excuse me if I don't give a perfect show.

335. If you don't give a perfect show, you won't be called the God of Cookery.

336. Good.

337. First, we must prepare a pair of piglets in love.

338. We shall drain their blood without their notification.

339. - We then make use of their blood— - Pig blood.

340. The romantic blood.

341. What? You feel pity for your species?

342. I then deep fry their skin until they become golden.

343. - This is pig skin. - True love pig skin.

344. Just pig skin.

345. I then get the fish meat of Parisian Baguette.

346. I'll place it over Sentimental Indian Curry.

347. Curry fish balls?

348. Pig blood, pig skin, fish balls.

349. Is there any turnip?

350. None of your business!

351. Go serve the guests.

352. Of course we need some perennial Korean turnip

353. and a pig colon.

354. We then place it on some raw noodle.

355. Mix all ingredients together, and there it is— assorted noodle.

356. You charge $99.99 for this common noodle?

357. Are you crazy?

358. But it's not easy to prepare delicious assorted noodle at all.

359. You know, the simple dish is hard to prepare.

360. Just like that.

361. Okay, let me try your assorted noodle now.

362. The curry fish balls are tasteless. So is the curry.

363. The pig skin is overcooked. A failure.

364. The pig blood is too soft. A failure, too.

365. You haven't selected the turnip. Too much fiber. A failure.

366. This pig colon is the worst.

367. You can find shit inside.

368. Are you mistaken?

369. Are you performing a talk show? You're clever, but go back for a rest.

370. You aren't a conscious businessman.

371. Security!

372. I pick up this kind of bone in the garbage bin every night.

373. And you sell it at $100?

374. I cannot cheat customers the way you do.

375. I won't help you do this anymore. What kind of God of Cookery are you?

376. You know nothing but cheating customers.

377. Can you really cook? Can you chop ingredients?

378. Take over. I'm leaving now.

379. He is asking you. Answer him before you leave.

380. What?

381. Great!

382. You're not qualified to be called the God of Cookery.

383. I won't argue with you here. Shut up.

384. You aren't even fit to sell assorted noodle in the street.

385. You're no longer an employee of our corporation.

386. I'll call the police if you keep up this bullshit.

387. Who are you to talk in front of me? I'm the real God of Cookery.

388. You aren't good enough to clean my shoes, you bastard.

389. Want to fool me?

390. I'm not afraid! Come on!

391. I can kill your whole family.

392. You don't need to threaten me.

393. Someone is messing around here. No photos.

394. Do you dare take up a knife and cook something for us?

395. Are you saying I can't cook?

396. Being a chef, you don't even have the strength to hold a knife.

397. Let me teach you

398. how to prepare a bowl of delicious assorted noodle.

399. You must have the heart to cook.

400. I'm the real God of Cookery.

401. I really can't figure out—

402. I really can't figure out what you're going to do next.

403. I'm a graduate of the Chinese Cookery Academy.

404. I can cook very well. I can really cook.

405. Good cooks always end up as beggars.

406. You're great, God of Cookery!

407. I'm the real God of Cookery.

408. Mr. Chow, more than 50 customers fell ill

409. after eating beef at your restaurant.

410. We suspect you use British beef to serve guests.

411. We want you to assist us in our investigation now.

412. I've got good bargain beef. Call this number if you want it.

413. Small chairs and thick straws.

414. Big ice-cubes and hot French fries so that the kids get thirsty after eating.

415. You should know this. Do you need me to teach you?

416. This will be bad for the children's health.

417. Besides kicking you, did Stephen Chow beat you with his fists?

418. No, he didn't.

419. It gets on my nerves. Don't force me anymore.

420. I am a good guy.

421. Throw him out.

422. You haven't selected the turnip. Too much fiber. A failure.

423. The pig skin is overcooked. A failure.

424. The pig blood is too soft. A failure, too.

425. This pig colon is the worst.

426. It's not properly washed. You can find shit inside. How come?

427. This is assorted noodle. It's not strange to have shit inside.

428. - $23. - You're paying me?

429. You'd better give me $30 for me to see a doctor.

430. Please respect me at least. I'm the God of Cookery.

431. - The God of Cookery? - The God of Cookery.

432. It's true. I'm not joking.

433. Help me, buddy, even a little bit.

434. Give me some money, please.

435. I beg you, please.

436. Forget it.

437. - Don't hinder us doing business. - Okay!

438. How do you feel?

439. I'm fine.

440. It's bleeding. Shit.

441. I must really see a doctor this time. Please give me some money.

442. - Want to pay me a beating? - No.

443. I'm sorry, brother.

444. - I'll beat on if you insist. - No.

445. Let's be friendly to each other.

446. Friends, I'm the God of Cookery. Please give me face.

447. Sorry. Excuse me.

448. Beat him!

449. Kick him to death!

450. How dare you do business here?

451. Cut his hand off!

452. Beat him!

453. - What is it? - Nothing.

454. Let me beat him, too.

455. - Don't beat anymore. - Please.

456. You needn't beg. Move.

457. - Just a blow! - Move.

458. May be half blow?

459. Are you hungry?

460. A little bit.

461. Want to eat something?

462. As you like.

463. This bowl of rice...

464. is very delicious.

465. Hey, help us!

466. Goosehead, I'm only a woman.

467. Don't you insult me.

468. I remember Uncle Kwan's assistant carved on my head,

469. but I managed to slash him back,

470. and now they all call me Twin Dagger Turkey!

471. I've seen everything since I've been on Temple Street when I was 12.

472. And now you tell these assholes to ruin my place?

473. - You can't scare me! - Turkey, what do you mean?

474. If I wanted to ruin your place, I'd bring more guys with me.

475. I just want to inform you all

476. Pissing shrimp will be ours from now on.

477. You think you call the shots here? Who do you think you are?

478. I haven't asked you about beef balls!

479. As you say, just shit!

480. Okay, we'll share beef balls.

481. I'll take over pissing shrimp!

482. We needn't talk about rules, then.

483. I'm setting rules with you now. We make it 40-60% share.

484. You 40%, we 60%.

485. No. You think I'm a dummy?

486. What if we make it 10-90%? I get 90%, and you 10%.

487. Don't move!

488. Stand there or I'll cut you, buddy.

489. Stand properly!

490. Don't mess around! Stand properly!

491. Okay, we'll let you have pissing shrimp. Can you handle that?

492. If we can't, you think you can?

493. Our pissing shrimp is very well-known.

494. We have the perfect mixture of chili and salt.

495. We change the oil every night, too.

496. We guarantee we use fresh oil.

497. We have strong stoves, and the shrimp are crispy.

498. But you spoil the flavor.

499. Who's shouting?

500. But our boiled pissing shrimp is better.

501. Shit! Go make your shit beef balls!

502. Can't make tasty beef balls and you want to take over pissing shrimp!

503. If you don't make beef balls, I 'll take over that too.

504. You should take what we're offering you!

505. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

506. Who is speaking up again?

507. Who dares to interrupt me?

508. Don't just suspect my guys. Your's can interrupt, too.

509. My men are well-educated. They would never interrupt.

510. Wouldn't they?

511. Each of you speak out.

512. "Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls."

513. Did that guy say "Shit"?

514. Yes. I have sharp ears.

515. - You go first! - You go first!

516. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

517. No, not you. You.

518. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

519. You!

520. Must I speak it while swaying?

521. As you like.

522. Shit, mix the...

523. Go ahead.

524. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

525. You!

526. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

527. - What did you say? - Fukien dialect.

528. Fukien dialect? Go home to eat shit!

529. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp...

530. Shit! Beef balls...

531. You!

532. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

533. You!

534. Why are you laughing?

535. Say it.

536. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and beef balls.

537. You.

538. - Shit, mix... - You.

539. Shit, mix the pissing shrimp and—

540. Wait.

541. Say it again.

542. You!

543. Shit, mix.

544. - Say it clearly. - Mix!

545. Bastard, it's you!

546. Shit! How can you recognize me?

547. Your voice is horrible. I can recognize it easily.

548. Turkey, he's your guy. What do you say?

549. Give me the knife.

550. You bastard, you keep bullshitting.

551. Which finger do you want me to cut off?

552. - The nail, please. - What?

553. How dare you touch him in my place?

554. What do you mean?

555. He's my guy, so I must speak up for him.

556. You mean you don't follow the rules? Beat it.

557. Bastard!

558. What is it?

559. Don't move!

560. Sister Turkey, I've thought it over.

561. From now on, all pissing shrimp and beef balls belong to you.

562. Is that okay?

563. Sorry to bother you.

564. It's okay. We're buddies.

565. It's rare to find a righteous person like you.

566. Righteousness and honesty

567. Are valuable

568. I dare to go to hell to fight

569. I'm willing to sacrifice for friends

570. I'm willing to die for girls

571. Good buddies!

572. My blood is bleeding for love

573. I'm prepared to die

574. Who dares to challenge me?

575. Pissing beef balls?

576. Right.

577. Why are they so elastic?

578. They're empty inside.

579. They're like air-soled sneakers.

580. - May I try? - Quick.

581. Very elastic!

582. - Elastic? - Yes, elastic!

583. We count on her.

584. Sister Turkey has strong wrist strength.

585. Only she can make such perfect beef balls.

586. The beef must undergo 26,800 times of beating and mixing.

587. But why is it called pissing beef balls?

588. Try the whole thing and you'll know.

589. I've never had this experience before.

590. The freshness of beef with the sweetness of shrimp.

591. This combination—

592. even better than royal dishes.

593. It's even better than the memory of my first love.

594. Looking at the moon,

595. which reminds me of my homeland.

596. Magnificent poem...

597. Are you all right?

598. This is real good stuff!

599. I've thought of a name.

600. Explosive pissing beef balls.

601. We're going to make big money this time.

602. Bullshit! You think I'm nuts?

603. It's not so easy to make money.

604. I buy him. What should we do next?

605. We should open our first restaurant and earn our first batch of money.

606. Then I can buy a new karaoke set soon.

607. Turkey, you're joking, right?

608. We should first buy a flat and earn rent money.

609. - Ain't I clever? - Sure.

610. If it were up to me, I would open more branches.

611. We can open two, then four, then eight branches.

612. Then we can become a public company and collect capital.

613. We can sell shares and do real estate business.

614. Hell, we can make a sub-division in the stock market.

615. With the dividends, we needn't work at all.

616. You're laughing? You know all this?

617. I don't know, but it all sounds good.

618. Granny, let me serve you pissing beef balls.

619. You won't piss your pants after eating them.

620. They're very interesting.

621. They're really free of charge?

622. One to-go.

623. We've done the first transaction already.

624. We're one step closer to becoming a public company.

625. Why haven't you given me the report yet?

626. Yes, coming.

627. He's eating!

628. It's here!

629. It's free. Come in and eat as much as you can.

630. Not free. What do you mean— Action!

631. The hottest issue in town is aversion to food, infecting everyone,

632. but it's been cured by a dish called pissing beef balls.

633. It's been a hot seller within a short time.

634. The inventor of pissing beef balls

635. is the legendary man,

636. Stephen Chow,

637. the former God of Cookery.

638. Stephen Chow,

639. why are your pissing beef balls so popular?

640. I think it's unfair to ask me.

641. You'd better ask the customers why they rush to eat it.

642. Little boy, why do you like eating pissing beef balls?

643. Since eating pissing beef balls, I find myself much cleverer.

644. I've got full marks in every examination.

645. Really? So helpful?

646. I've become prettier and prettier after eating it.

647. I've grown a lot since eating it.

648. I've got my confidence back.

649. Are you going to get back your fame since you're such a success here?

650. Get back my fame?

651. Could you tell us the secret to the success of your pissing beef balls?

652. It's simple, delicious, new and interesting.

653. Interesting? How so?

654. They're playing ping pong with it?

655. This stuff deserves a try.

656. It's tasty and interesting.

657. I couldn't help but buy one for myself.

658. How'd he get so popular with such trivial stuff?

659. Don't worry. It's just a novelty.

660. He can't create a real business with them.

661. He'll come for us after he's become famous.

662. Everyone in HK knows these beef balls can be used in ping pong.

663. Will I really piss after eating it?

664. You'll surely have diarrhea after eating it.

665. - Isn't it a miracle? - Great!

666. It is a miracle.

667. Though you've had a good start,

668. it's a bit risky to pledge all your properties.

669. I find it risky to open 20 branches at the same time.

670. You find it risky?

671. What if we first open two branches?

672. Mr. Chow, since you have a first success,

673. you needn't bet all your money on the next step.

674. Don't bullshit. You know nothing about it.

675. I don't need you to teach me how to run a business.

676. Mr. Chow, with your past record,

677. it's hard for our bank to lend you a lump sum.

678. I guess you have no confidence in our beef balls.

679. In fact, I've never tried them.

680. I seldom eat this kind of food.

681. Please try some.

682. Try some!

683. You really lent him the money?

684. Thanks!

685. I'm just doing what you asked me to.

686. I know what he has in mind. He wants to open branches.

687. All his branches will be in remote places.

688. He has one in an urban area, but a basement branch.

689. Hey, do you know feng shui?

690. You know this word?

691. Die!

692. See? He'll get into an impasse!

693. Lend him whatever he wants! Let him dig his own grave!

694. What? Please repeat!

695. They've used the money to manufacture cans.

696. - Manufacture cans? - Correct.

697. They'll be sold in all 2,800 supermarkets and convenient stores.

698. I've input all the shops' locations into the computer.

699. I can't predict what he's doing.

700. Of course, I will surely win!

701. - Excuse me. - Excuse me, please.

702. Stephen Chow, how do you feel about

703. being elected the Genius of Food and Beverage?

704. It's like a dream.

705. It also proves HK is a place for miracles.

706. If you work hard, any dream can come true.

707. Asshole!

708. Asshole!

709. Where have you been? You haven't contacted me in a long time.

710. I thought you were dead.

711. I'm really dead! But you must be convinced!

712. Why must I be convinced?

713. You never expected me to be reborn again.

714. I'm convinced!

715. I nearly forgot to congratulate you.

716. Our restaurants always get awards,

717. but it's rare for your lousy friends to get such an award.

718. What did you say?

719. It's a wonderful world.

720. You must be really convinced.

721. Why must I be convinced?

722. If I hadn't got this award,

723. I wouldn't be eligible for the God of Cookery competition next month.

724. Wow, I'm really convinced of this.

725. Smart!

726. I don't mean to show off.

727. I just want to let people know that I can get back what I have lost.

728. Let me speak the truth.

729. Mr. Chow, you're really skillful, but you must try to learn

730. some practical cooking.

731. The Chinese Cookery Academy?

732. I'll apply tomorrow morning.

733. Good! I'm glad to hear that.

734. I don't care how wicked or sly you were in the past,

735. if you improve yourself, we'll surely give you another chance.

736. Please don't beat me up.

737. I'm always an honest man. I never lie.

738. I say all this to wish you well.

739. My only mistake in my life is underestimating you.

740. Mr. Chow...

741. Look at him.

742. How naive and lovely he is.

743. Very perky, too!

744. You're good at pissing and dumping.

745. I didn't know you were good at eating shit, too!

746. Stop fighting!

747. Don't move!

748. I must kill this bastard! I want him to die!

749. Okay! Let's kill him!

750. Stop moving!

751. It's fixed. It's over.

752. What do you mean "fixed"?

753. Something is happening. Let me go and find him.

754. You'd better save that.

755. You know nothing but fighting. Did I ask you to fight?

756. You must observe my examples! This isn't Temple Street.

757. You never improve.

758. What are you looking at? Want to beat me up, too?

759. Never mind her!

760. Brothers, we've been living on Temple Street for 20 years.

761. Now we're going to get into big business and go outside.

762. Wish our pissing beef balls continued success.

763. - Cheers! - Cheers!

764. Let me congratulate you on studying cooking in China tomorrow,

765. so that you can get back your title of God of Cookery.

766. That's none of your business.

767. I was only joking.

768. Everybody, it's our last night in the street.

769. Look carefully.

770. We'll rush off of Temple Street tomorrow and challenge the world!

771. Sister Turkey says she won't leave.

772. What is she thinking?

773. Sister Turkey said she will not leave her roots.

774. Good! She's going to be a good wife.

775. I know you've loved her for a long time.

776. Love you, bastard.

777. Sister Turkey used to be pretty.

778. So he loved her indeed.

779. Turkey was very pretty three years ago,

780. but she had her face marred in a quarrel.

781. Why was she in a quarrel?

782. No one ever told me. I don't know.

783. I know what happened.

784. I was the only witness.

785. Uncle Kwan's men came to have supper that night.

786. He tore apart Turkey's banner.

787. Tore apart her banner?

788. Who tore my banner?

789. You asshole! You tore my banner to wipe your runny nose?

790. Damn it! We provide toilet paper here.

791. - Did you bother to ask me? - What do you mean?

792. I like using this to clean my nose. What can you do to me?

793. You know who I am? You dare talk to me this way?

794. Stop tearing her banner. Just wreck her place now!

795. - Move! - Got it!

796. You dare fight back?

797. The slash he gave her was from her forehead to her nostrils.

798. Here, right at the entrance of her stall,

799. he stabbed into her spine

800. and that injured her nervous system,

801. so she has protruding teeth.

802. She has to endure her face all her life now.

803. That banner really hurt her.

804. What banner?

805. It's your banner.

806. My banner?

807. The banner of the God of Cookery.

808. Your posters really are everywhere.

809. Especially the one where you're holding a small child.

810. She says you're full of paternal love.

811. She's your number one crazy fan.

812. God of Cookery!

813. I must congratulate you then.

814. Fat Snow!

815. What's the meaning of this, Fat Snow?

816. I'm talking to you.

817. I've asked you not to tell the others.

818. In fact, she asked me to ask you if there's such a chance.

819. Well, you've told him already.

820. It's nothing to be shameful of.

821. This really irritates me!

822. You'll go back alone to China tomorrow?

823. No one will accompany you? Let me go with you, then.

824. Taxi!

825. Where are you?

826. Where? I'm in China.

827. You didn't have to run away like that.

828. Turkey is so kind to you.

829. Don't bullshit. I can't find the Chinese Cookery Academy now.

830. I've asked people about it.

831. Right. I've found everything here— toilets, temples,

832. but no Chinese Cookery Academy.

833. No way!

834. Maddy's sister's mother's brother's son says it's there.

835. Why don't you come back first?

836. Come back? Don't you know I'm on the run?

837. Don't worry. Turkey isn't here right now.

838. She's disappeared since you went away.

839. Where did she go?

840. I've caught you at last!

841. Good! Got you now!

842. You let me catch you at last.

843. What happened? What happened?

844. I've bought you a bunch of daily sundries.

845. You left so hastily, I couldn't give them to you then.

846. So I came all the way for you.

847. Don't waste all this stuff.

848. Thanks.

849. Hey, please do me a favor.

850. Draw a heart here,

851. with an arrow passing through it.

852. Stop fooling around.

853. Just a souvenir, come on.

854. Turkey, I have to tell you,

855. I'm sorry this happened to you.

856. I'm really touched,

857. but I don't want that, you know?

858. Sure, of course I know.

859. Come on, draw it for me. Come on.

860. No problem. Drawing a heart is nothing special.

861. We're pals. Let's make things clear first.

862. I've come all the way here

863. just to ask you to draw me a heart,

864. and you're losing your temper over it?

865. Even if you forget that I've done so much for you,

866. you must remember that I covered for you and got injured.

867. I didn't ask you to do all this for me.

868. I didn't ask you to get injured for me, either.

869. What's that got to do with me?

870. According to your theory, if everyone gets injured for me,

871. then I'd be running into a lot of trouble.

872. Many things are destined and planned by the heavens.

873. You can't help if you're injured 20 more times, you know?

874. Do you understand?

875. Hey, do you understand?

876. Okay.

877. - How come? - What?

878. It's a rare astrological phenomena— nine stars joining into one.

879. When this happens, something strange occurs.

880. Don't worry. He'll disappear forever.

881. The 28th competition of the God of Cookery

882. will start in one minute.

883. Let's have the honor of our judge,

884. Chairperson of the International Gourmet Society,

885. the Princess of Taste, Miss Nancy Sit.

886. Half a minute to go.

887. According to the rules,

888. all late-comers will be disqualified.

889. No excuse is allowed.

890. All participants, please get into your positions.

891. I've checked. No one is coming.

892. The competition will begin soon.

893. Bastard. Scared me.

894. Isn't he...

895. Madam, please go faster.

896. This is the fastest I can go.

897. No way out.

898. Arrived just in time.

899. You—

900. Amida Buddha.

901. Who are you?

902. Dean of the Shaolin Monastery.

903. My name is Wet Dream.

904. Amida Buddha.

905. I come and go with the wind.

906. Hey, I'm a good friend of Stephen Chow's.

907. Please respect me.

908. I beg you, please. Please.

909. Security, throw this guy out.

910. Please close the gate

911. and prevent anyone with wet dreams coming in.

912. Okay, the last participant has arrived.

913. The match starts now.

914. I won't move until my enemies take action.

915. I'd like to know why Stephen Chow looks like this.

916. - Why does he dress in ancient clothing? - Why has his hair become white?

917. Is there a wire so that he can fly over water?

918. Sir, he's now a disciple of the Shaolin Monastery.

919. Amida Buddha.

920. I can only tell you he's linked with Buddha.

921. Out of sympathy, I took him in as a disciple.

922. Don't move!

923. You have wounded by poisonous thorns.

924. Luckily, the poison didn't get to your brain.

925. Otherwise, you would have died instantly.

926. I've sucked out 80% of the poison already.

927. Let me suck the remaining poison, please.

928. Leave me alone!

929. I won't force you since you refuse.

930. You're in trouble. The dean is very narrow-mined.

931. I hate people talking about me behind my back.

932. Out!

933. Me out?

934. We're choosing the God of Cookery, not a clown for a circus.

935. Besides being a master in cooking,

936. the God of Cookery must be smart.

937. You want to be the God of Cookery?

938. No way!

939. The 18 Brass Men of the Shaolin Monastery?

940. Right! The 18 Brass Men of the Shaolin Monastery!

941. You've enraged the dean. You want to escape? No way!

942. Why?

943. Look at you. Has your father just died?

944. Go home and face the mirror! Out!

945. What are you looking at?

946. Why?

947. To be God of Cookery, one must have concentration.

948. All of you keep standing there

949. when I'm only moving.

950. Shit!

951. You disappoint me. Out!

952. if you keep throwing them out, there'll be no one left.

953. I know that.

954. From the beginning of the competition,

955. I found two guys who've remained calm.

956. They are the only two qualified participants.

957. Why did you kill?

958. You taught me that.

959. And I like it.

960. Please reform and believe in Buddha.

961. Well, I'm making the dish Buddha Jumping Wall.

962. What a coincidence! I'm making Buddha Jumping Wall, too.

963. Don't think you'll ensure victory by dressing in ancient garb.

964. I can do that, too!

965. Want to become God of Cookery? Over your dead body!

966. Super-style cutting!

967. Supreme-style chopping!

968. Good chopping!

969. So fast.

970. 18-style frying!

971. Dog-beating sauting!

972. Good frying!

973. Objection! He's copying me!

974. Is he?

975. He does exactly as I do!

976. Does he?

977. There! You see?

978. But this is a competition.

979. It's like racing and swimming.

980. Everyone is doing the same thing.

981. There's nothing to object. Overruled.

982. Thanks!

983. Bastard!

984. Let's see how you catch this knife.

985. Uncle...

986. Nothing serious. It's only the back of the knife.

987. The back of the knife? Right.

988. You've really been to the Chinese Cookery Academy?

989. Stop pretending.

990. The Chinese Cookery Academy is indeed the kitchen of the Shaolin Monastery.

991. You're also a dropout of the Shaolin Monastery.

992. Impossible!

993. I studied for ten years, but you've studied for only a month.

994. - You can't be this good! - It all depends on talent.

995. The 18 Brass Men of the Shaolin Monastery!

996. Damned fools!

997. Okay, the small 10.

998. One 10, right? Pass.

999. Pass? I know you will pass me.

1000. - Queen - Queen?

1001. Man, when can I leave this place?

1002. Only after the dean says so.

1003. When will the dean say that, man?

1004. Look, that old bag enraged the dean when he was 13.

1005. So he's been detained here since.

1006. What does that mean?

1007. - You pass five of a kind? - Pass.

1008. What does that mean? You lost double this time.

1009. Unreasonable!

1010. The 18 Brass Men of Shaolin Monastery!

1011. While I learned culinary skills in the kitchen of the Shaolin Monastery,

1012. I also learned supreme kung fu from the 18 Brass Men.

1013. The 18 Brass Men are really great.

1014. I can't believe it!

1015. Good Flying Skills!

1016. The secret of Flying Skills

1017. is that it can make a man who's as heavy as a seal

1018. fly up high in the sky, and make ghosts cry.

1019. Good Folding Chair!

1020. The secret of Folding Chair

1021. is hidden in the common household.

1022. We can sit on them and turn them into weapons.

1023. Even police can't charge you for possessing them.

1024. It's ranked in the top seven weapons.

1025. Just two more whacks.

1026. Only three minutes left. Watch out for the time.

1027. Stop shouting!

1028. It's bad.

1029. It's bad? How bad?

1030. We do not allow Buddha Jumping Wall to explode.

1031. You should be disqualified!

1032. But I consider you quite creative.

1033. Two minutes left. Make another one.

1034. Only two minutes! You can only make sashimi.

1035. Give up, man!

1036. Good Internal Skills!

1037. He uses Internal Skills to raise the temperature

1038. so that the Buddha Jumping Wall, which usually takes 49 hours to cook,

1039. can now be made in 2 minutes.

1040. May I ask what is the most delicious thing you've ever eaten in your life?

1041. You should ask yourself this question.

1042. Ask myself?

1043. Right.

1044. Who are you talking to?

1045. This is supersonic chatting.

1046. - This is... - Kouyum Skill?

1047. Wrong!

1048. This is Sorrowful Hand.

1049. Sorrowful Hand?

1050. This is a style he created.

1051. One day, I saw him

1052. singing sorrowfully.

1053. Righteousness and honesty are valuable

1054. I dare to go to hell to fight

1055. I'm willing to sacrifice for buddies

1056. I'm willing to die for girls...

1057. His hair turned white overnight.

1058. His love is so deep.

1059. What is love?

1060. Why is it forever?

1061. Realizing he was haunted by love,

1062. I forgave him.

1063. I never knew you were such a romantic.

1064. A lost skill of the Shaolin Monastery—

1065. Fire Fist!

1066. Time's up! The challenge is over!

1067. It smells good!

1068. - It smells good! - Right!

1069. Yeah, this is...

1070. Super Sea View Buddha Jumping Wall!

1071. Good!

1072. This Buddha Jumping Wall prepared by Internal Skills

1073. is very well prepared.

1074. Not thick nor thin, and not so greasy.

1075. The 9 ingredients make up a total of 81 varieties.

1076. The layer of flavors stack up one on top of another.

1077. It deserves to be called Super Sea View Buddha Jumping Wall!

1078. And this is...

1079. Sorrowful Rice.

1080. What's wrong with you?

1081. That's just ordinary BBQ Pork Rice with an extra egg on it.

1082. Costs only $22 at the most.

1083. Why do you call it Sorrowful Rice?

1084. Don't pretend to be smart!

1085. Bullshit! No one says "smart" in my presence.

1086. Will you please keep quiet?

1087. BBQ Pork!

1088. Great BBQ Pork!

1089. I've never eaten such great BBQ Pork before!

1090. Help!

1091. The gravy is kept inside the meat.

1092. It's so tender and juicy.

1093. It's so soft and bouncy to eat.

1094. With the extra egg made by Fire Fist,

1095. the taste of BBQ Pork is unbelievable.

1096. Why?

1097. Why do you let me eat such a great bowl of BBQ Pork Rice?

1098. What shall I do if you don't cook it for me in future?

1099. What is it?

1100. Why do tears stream from my eyes?

1101. I am filled with sorrow.

1102. It's onion.

1103. I've added onion inside.

1104. It hits the spot!

1105. So there's onion!

1106. This bowl of rice is really touching.

1107. No wonder it's called Sorrowful Rice.

1108. It's really heartbreaking!

1109. It's too touching!

1110. Wonderful!

1111. However...

1112. If my husband were not so horny

1113. and caught in a sting...

1114. If I were not so greedy and caught cheating...

1115. The worst is...

1116. - Greet the boss. - Boss.

1117. Even my good son has been kicked and has now joined the triad.

1118. These guys are really holding me by the balls.

1119. I...

1120. The God of Cookery is... Bull Tong!

1121. Bull Tong is finally the God of Cookery!

1122. You've wasted your breath. You still have to choose me.

1123. There's no God of Cookery.

1124. What? What did you say?

1125. - Maybe everyone is God of Cookery. - What do you mean?

1126. Stop bullshitting. Present the award.

1127. Even parents, brothers, sisters and lovers, as long as they have heart...

1128. What do you mean?

1129. Anyone can become God of Cookery.

1130. He's gone crazy from losing. Call for an ambulance.

1131. God of Cookery, get back to your position.

1132. God of Cookery, you used to be the saint of cooking skills,

1133. but you broke heaven's rules,

1134. so you were punished by your descent to earth.

1135. Today, you finally know the truth about cooking.

1136. You've shown your love in the rice you cooked.

1137. Even the King of Heaven is impressed.

1138. But you revealed heaven's secret. You should be punished.

1139. I spare you now, as you did that out of deep love.

1140. Stephen, you've invested a lot!

1141. You even hired fake angels.

1142. Good! I'll see what you can do with the angel.

1143. Ask the angel to help you.

1144. You black-mouthed dog. You didn't post guards at the door.

1145. I must restore your original appearance.

1146. You want some, too?

1147. No! None of my business. I'm only passing by!

1148. I know no one in here.

1149. I don't know the guys who were shooting!

1150. Bullshit. You're worse than a dog.

1151. Uncle really turned into a dog!

1152. Ridiculous! Nothing happened to me!

1153. This is only an illusion!

1154. You don't scare me!

1155. Anything is possible. Is it Christmas now?

1156. Sir, you were born with angel's bones, your eyes show holy light.

1157. You're an angel descended to earth. I've found you at last!

1158. How come there are so many angels?

1159. Yes! Angels are everywhere in the street.

1160. Even Santa Claus is an angel.

1161. Don't bullshit me!

1162. Wait! I can tell you about your marriage.

1163. Show me your palm.

1164. Your marriage is soon coming, soon...

1165. Is it really true? No way?

1166. It's true. It was she who asked us not to be present at the competition.

1167. She was concerned you would lose concentration.

1168. - Yes. - No way!

1169. Really. She deflected the bullet with her gold teeth.

1170. She survived.

1171. The doctor gave her new teeth and even plastic surgery.

1172. She's become pretty now.

1173. No way!

1174. It's true!

1175. Look! Here she comes.

1176. Isn't it pretty?

1177. Hey, say something. Isn't she pretty?

1178. I shouldn't say anything now.

1179. Giving it back to you!

1180. Subtitled By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

1181. Mr. Chow...

1182. Stop! Don't move!

1183. I'll chop your legs off if you move.

1184. Whoever moves will die.

1185. Don't move!

1186. Don't move! I'll chop your legs off!

1187. Don't you try to run away.

1188. I'll beat you up.

1189. Don't move!

1190. I'll beat you up.

1191. All of you repeat the sentence one by one.

1192. Of course!

1193. Son of a bitch. You think I can't hear you?

1194. Oh, no.

1195. Wrong line.

1196. I like your loyalty.

1197. Righteousness and honesty

1198. Are valuable

1199. Fuck off.

1200. You dare to hit him?

1201. No pictures!

1202. Stay away!

1203. Hey, it's a cut! Stop.

1204. Cut!

1205. Brother Dat!

1206. He fainted. See if he's okay.

1207. Don't worry. Cut!

1208. He's bleeding! Help!