1. How do you want me?Copy !req
2. Oh, that's good. Yeah, just...
Just get comfortable.Copy !req
3. I'm a little nervous.Copy !req
4. You're doing great.Copy !req
5. A little to the right there,
gorgeous.Copy !req
6. - Okay. Like this?
- Oh, that a girl.Copy !req
7. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
8. - You ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
9. - You're blushing, Dorothy.
- Don't blush, Kathy.Copy !req
10. Oh, Kathy.Copy !req
11. Okay, and big smile.Copy !req
12. Kathy Regan.Copy !req
13. I will always remember...Copy !req
14. the game against Fairfield.Copy !req
15. That one final kick.Copy !req
16. State champion, senior year.Copy !req
17. Hunter McCaffrey.Copy !req
18. I will always remember...Copy !req
19. all the great times
with the dirty dozen...Copy !req
20. and macking all
the honeys.Copy !req
21. Cindy K. Tina B.Copy !req
22. Michelle H. Goddamn!Copy !req
23. Just too many to remember.Copy !req
24. I'll always remember
lacrosse champions.Copy !req
25. All the glory days with
the boys.Copy !req
26. I will always remember...Copy !req
27. the math-club madmen...Copy !req
28. making the perfect
fake ID's...Copy !req
29. which lasted six secondsCopy !req
30. - Troy Cochran.
- Troy Cochran.Copy !req
31. - Troy gives good head.
- Fuck you!Copy !req
32. I'll always remember...Copy !req
33. Seniors!Copy !req
34. the senior prank.Copy !req
35. Matthew Kidman.
I will always remember...Copy !req
36. YEARBOOK MEMORIES FORM
SENIORS ONLY!Copy !req
37. MATTHEW KIDMAN
I'll always remember...Copy !req
38. Yeah, well, I told you
I wanted to try out.Copy !req
39. We'd like to honor
a student...Copy !req
40. who has shown outstanding
leadership.Copy !req
41. We have no doubt that
he will be one...Copy !req
42. of the great politicians
in Washington.Copy !req
43. Georgetown
UNIVERSITYCopy !req
44. The award for
the brightest leader...Copy !req
45. of tomorrow,
Matthew Kidman.Copy !req
46. - I'm in! I'm in!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
47. Georgetown!
They gave it to you!Copy !req
48. Hey, Jenny.Copy !req
49. Yeah, dude, come on.Copy !req
50. SENIOR PROM
DO YOU HAVE THE FEVER?Copy !req
51. - Do you have the fever?
- No.Copy !req
52. Why? Do you?Copy !req
53. I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
54. How about you?Copy !req
55. I just gotta fuck something.Copy !req
56. I said, everybody say, "Ho!"Copy !req
57. You know what I say?Copy !req
58. I say, this prom is gonna be
off the hook! Do you feel me?Copy !req
59. Security's gonna be tight.
Get wasted before you show up.Copy !req
60. That's enough!Copy !req
61. That's enough. I can wait.Copy !req
62. I can wait, people.Copy !req
63. Now, it is your
student-council president...Copy !req
64. who has a few announcements
to make.Copy !req
65. Thanks, Mr. Salinger.Copy !req
66. All right, how you doing?Copy !req
67. Okay, let's start off
with Operation Get Samnang.Copy !req
68. Sam Young, baby!Copy !req
69. Yeah.Copy !req
70. Well, we did it.
We raised the 25,000 dollars...Copy !req
71. so now we can bring the genius
Samnang out of Cambodia...Copy !req
72. and bring him here
to study at Westport.Copy !req
73. Speaking of which,
Samnang sent us a new tape.Copy !req
74. Show that shit!Copy !req
75. Show it!Copy !req
76. Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.Copy !req
77. Sam Young!Copy !req
78. I am very excited to be
coming soon. Are you excited?Copy !req
79. I told my class that I am coming
to America. They were sad.Copy !req
80. I am so happy.Copy !req
81. - I wanna bang you!
- Go, Cougars!Copy !req
82. How do they just skip class
every day and go to the beach?Copy !req
83. Because they just don't care.Copy !req
84. Let's go with them.Copy !req
85. - Seriously, let's just do it.
- Why?Copy !req
86. Because, I mean,
we never do anything.Copy !req
87. I mean, we're graduating. We
should be going nuts right now.Copy !req
88. Let's just do something.Copy !req
89. I am doing something,
I'm going to class.Copy !req
90. Klitz, you already got
into Yale.Copy !req
91. I mean, it doesn't
matter anymore.Copy !req
92. Yeah, Klitz, you pussy.Copy !req
93. - Well, why don't you go?
- Yeah, come on. Let's go.Copy !req
94. Beach is for fags, man.Copy !req
95. - The beach is for fags?
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. You know what?
You guys are fags.Copy !req
97. Everyone to the beach!Copy !req
98. Let's go! Lock them
and load them, dude.Copy !req
99. WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOLCopy !req
100. Fuck it.Copy !req
101. SCHOOL
SECURITYCopy !req
102. Personal power means
the ability to act...Copy !req
103. the ability to take action.Copy !req
104. STOP
CHECK-OUT WITH SECURITYCopy !req
105. Three steps to personal power
are necessary for results.Copy !req
106. Here's number one step
to personal power.Copy !req
107. It's called energy.
Energy.Copy !req
108. When you wake up feeling
really lethargic, really lousy...Copy !req
109. do you usually
jump up and go-?Copy !req
110. Oh, shit.Copy !req
111. Hey! Pull it over!Copy !req
112. Pull it over! Pull-Copy !req
113. Oh, well, you're home early.Copy !req
114. I postponed yearbook.
I gotta work on my speechCopy !req
115. - Hi, Mr. Peterson.
- Mr. President.Copy !req
116. - Mrs. Peterson.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
117. - Oh, thank you.
- Congratulations. Georgetown.Copy !req
118. Wow, you must be flying.Copy !req
119. It's cool.Copy !req
120. What's the speech
you're working on?Copy !req
121. Oh, it's for this scholarship
I need to get so I can...Copy !req
122. actually go to Georgetown.Copy !req
123. It's pretty expensive.Copy !req
124. What kind of scholarship
is it?Copy !req
125. What do they give it for?Copy !req
126. It's for the student who best
demonstrates moral fiber.Copy !req
127. Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's-Copy !req
128. - Oh, I'm sure you'll get it.
- Thanks. I mean, I hope so.Copy !req
129. I mean, there's some stiff
Competition...Copy !req
130. and they only pick
one of us...Copy !req
131. so I'll just have to blow
them away with my speech.Copy !req
132. Okay, so why do I deserve
this scholarship?Copy !req
133. 1. MAKE EYE CONTACT
2. BE CHARMING 3. JFK!Copy !req
134. can do for you
but what you can do..."Copy !req
135. John F. Kennedy once said,
"Ask not whatCopy !req
136. Look, I don't know
who she is.Copy !req
137. I'm just saying that
this girl was unbelievable.Copy !req
138. I mean, she was
like this angel.Copy !req
139. I mean, she had this smile.
I mean, you should have seen it.Copy !req
140. - So did you bang her?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I banged her.Copy !req
141. That's what a man does,
okay?Copy !req
142. - Yeah. Okay, Eli.
- Good.Copy !req
143. Oh, my God. She's so hot.Copy !req
144. - What channel, dude?
- No, the girl next door.Copy !req
145. I can see her through
my window.Copy !req
146. How's the rack?Copy !req
147. - God, who is this girl?
- How's the rack?Copy !req
148. - Hold on. Relax.
- No. You relax.Copy !req
149. Be a man and go over there.Copy !req
150. Okay. Say what?Copy !req
151. I don't know. Get off your
ass and do something. Fuck!Copy !req
152. - Hey, what are you doing?
- What?Copy !req
153. Hey, dude, seriously,
I told you...Copy !req
154. it really freaks me out
when you watch that while...Copy !req
155. you're talking to me.Copy !req
156. Just learn to like it.Copy !req
157. Oh, my God.Copy !req
158. What? Matt, what?Copy !req
159. Matt!Copy !req
160. Dude, what the fuck?Copy !req
161. Shit!Copy !req
162. - Yes?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
163. - Dan.
- What's going on?Copy !req
164. Matthew!Copy !req
165. Matthew, come down here.Copy !req
166. - What are you doing up there?
- Nothing.Copy !req
167. Come down here.Copy !req
168. This is Danielle.Copy !req
169. You know Mrs. Clark from
next door. Danielle's her niece.Copy !req
170. Danielle just told us
something very interesting.Copy !req
171. Mrs. Clark is in Africa for
two weeks with her church group.Copy !req
172. Did you know that?Copy !req
173. Anyway, Danielle just came
in from Los Angeles...Copy !req
174. and she's housesitting
while her aunt's away.Copy !req
175. Why don't you show
her around.Copy !req
176. Such a long road, you know.Copy !req
177. - What are we doing?
- Did you like what you saw?Copy !req
178. What are you talking about?Copy !req
179. Okay, I saw you for,
like, an instant.Copy !req
180. - An instant?
- Yeah.Copy !req
181. It was no big deal.Copy !req
182. No, no, it was- It was a
big deal, but it's just that...Copy !req
183. I didn't...Copy !req
184. I'm sorry.Copy !req
185. I'm sorry.Copy !req
186. So, what are we gonna
do about this?Copy !req
187. I mean, I said I was sorry.Copy !req
188. What?Copy !req
189. You saw me...Copy !req
190. Yeah, right, like I'm gonna
strip right here?Copy !req
191. Are you serious?Copy !req
192. No.Copy !req
193. No. No, never gonna happen.Copy !req
194. The whole package.Copy !req
195. No, come on,
this is good enough.Copy !req
196. Jesus! Come on,
will you relax?Copy !req
197. Frigging psycho.Copy !req
198. There. You happy now?Copy !req
199. Yep.Copy !req
200. Hey! Wait!Copy !req
201. No!Copy !req
202. Jesus. Sorry.Copy !req
203. You're an asshole.
It's not funny.Copy !req
204. It's a little funny.Copy !req
205. Come on.Copy !req
206. Let me in. Let me in.Copy !req
207. It's not funny.Copy !req
208. It's a little funny.Copy !req
209. So, what else do you do
besides torture people?Copy !req
210. - Seriously, what's your story?
- I don't know.Copy !req
211. I kind of just quit my job.Copy !req
212. I want to start over.
Maybe go to college.Copy !req
213. So are you here
alone or what?Copy !req
214. - What?
- Just ask.Copy !req
215. Do you have a boyfriend?Copy !req
216. No.Copy !req
217. Aren't you gonna ask me
if I have a girlfriend?Copy !req
218. No. 01:18:45.04:18:46.13
Okay.Copy !req
219. So you're about to graduate.
You must be going nuts right now.Copy !req
220. Yeah.Copy !req
221. I mean, it's just been
off the hook, you know?Copy !req
222. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
223. So, what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
224. Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell,
you know, because we-Copy !req
225. I've just done so much
nuts stuff. I mean...Copy !req
226. It's just off the hook,
off the walls. I mean...Copy !req
227. You haven't done anything,
have you?Copy !req
228. No.Copy !req
229. It's kind of- It's kind
of been my problem lately.Copy !req
230. Come on, there's gotta
be something.Copy !req
231. What about your girlfriend?Copy !req
232. Okay.Copy !req
233. We can figure this out.
You just need a girl.Copy !req
234. What kind of girl?Copy !req
235. Definitely someone cute.Copy !req
236. Definitely.Copy !req
237. Someone who can make
him laugh.Copy !req
238. But he also needs someone
who's gonna push him.Copy !req
239. Someone who's gonna
make him do...Copy !req
240. things he never thought
he could do.Copy !req
241. Like stripping
in the middle of the street?Copy !req
242. - Well, thanks for the ride.
- No problem.Copy !req
243. Well...Copy !req
244. good night.Copy !req
245. Good night.Copy !req
246. "Good night"?
What are you, gay?Copy !req
247. - I would have nailed her.
- Ok, you wouldn't have nailed her.Copy !req
248. - Whatever, dude.
- And, you know, secondly...Copy !req
249. you know,
the vibe was not right.Copy !req
250. The vibe wasn't right? She comes
to your house and makes you strip.Copy !req
251. What does she have to do,
sit on your face?Copy !req
252. Come on, bitch.Copy !req
253. - Damn. Should have kissed her.
- Are you okay? Dude?Copy !req
254. All right, you all have
this graph, correct?Copy !req
255. Good. Let's move along then.Copy !req
256. Now, it's a very simple
equation here.Copy !req
257. Somebody give me
the answer to this.Copy !req
258. All right, if no one knows
the answer to this...Copy !req
259. Looking at this calculation,
what does this make us think of?Copy !req
260. Questions on this?Copy !req
261. Good news, ladies and gentlemen.
Pop-quiz time.Copy !req
262. That's Samnang Sok.
He's this complete genius.Copy !req
263. So we raised all
this money for him...Copy !req
264. to come here and
study at our school.Copy !req
265. - Who's "we"?
- Well, I mean, I did...Copy !req
266. but he could be
the next Einstein, you know.Copy !req
267. You know,
he could cure cancer.Copy !req
268. Let's go.Copy !req
269. So, what do you wanna do?Copy !req
270. What?Copy !req
271. I'm not stripping again.Copy !req
272. Come on.Copy !req
273. Danielle!Copy !req
274. Come on.
Where are you going?Copy !req
275. Hey, come on,
let's get out of here.Copy !req
276. How do you know
no one's home?Copy !req
277. - I don't.
- Come on.Copy !req
278. Seriously, this is nuts.Copy !req
279. Oh, boxers.Copy !req
280. I always wear boxers. You just
caught me on a weird day.Copy !req
281. So, what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
282. This is right up there.Copy !req
283. Oh, my God.Copy !req
284. - That's Mr. Salinger.
- Who?Copy !req
285. That's my principal.
Seriously, let's go.Copy !req
286. - It's not funny.
- It's a little funny.Copy !req
287. Hey.Copy !req
288. Just go with it.Copy !req
289. Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable
watching this with you.Copy !req
290. Dude, learn to like it.Copy !req
291. I'm all wet. Can I come in?Copy !req
292. Hey, guys. This is Danielle.Copy !req
293. You must be Eli. And Klitz.
Right.Copy !req
294. Hey, come on,
we're all going out.Copy !req
295. - Can I use your bathroom first?
- Oh, it's over here to the left.Copy !req
296. - Dude.
- I know.Copy !req
297. Dude.Copy !req
298. I know.Copy !req
299. - Dude, what are we doing here?
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
300. Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...Copy !req
301. broken up, like,
any second now, right?Copy !req
302. Guys?Copy !req
303. - Get the fuck out of here!
- Sorry.Copy !req
304. Go.Copy !req
305. - So, what do you wanna do?
- Let's just chill.Copy !req
306. Hi, guys.Copy !req
307. - Is this your party?
- No, it's a friend of mine's.Copy !req
308. - I'm Hunter.
- Danielle.Copy !req
309. This is Matthew.Copy !req
310. - Hey, Matt, what's up?
- What's up?Copy !req
311. Can I get you something
to drink?Copy !req
312. - Yeah.
- Hey, man, what's up?Copy !req
313. - Can you come here for a second?
- Yeah.Copy !req
314. No, it's cool. They're pals.Copy !req
315. What's up?Copy !req
316. Yeah, man, this party's
getting kind of full, bro.Copy !req
317. - Yeah, so?
- So you're gonna have to take off.Copy !req
318. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
319. Okay, but I'm with her.
I mean-Copy !req
320. Oh, it's cool, dude.
She's taken care of.Copy !req
321. There's the door.Copy !req
322. Yo, man!Copy !req
323. When's Samsung getting here?Copy !req
324. - Samnang.
- Yeah!Copy !req
325. I love him.Copy !req
326. Dude, I'm gonna do that little
guy when he gets here.Copy !req
327. Hard.Copy !req
328. Cool, dude.
I'm sure he'll like that.Copy !req
329. Sam Young!Copy !req
330. Excuse me.Copy !req
331. - Dude.
- I know.Copy !req
332. - What?
- You're coming with me. Right now.Copy !req
333. Everybody out. Let's move.Copy !req
334. I said out, minions! Move! Move!
Faster, you little maggots.Copy !req
335. - So how's everything going?
- Fine.Copy !req
336. Is everything, you know,
okay at home?Copy !req
337. All right, what?Copy !req
338. Perhaps you should have a seat.Copy !req
339. Perhaps you should bite me.Copy !req
340. Perhaps.Copy !req
341. Matthew...Copy !req
342. we live in a crazy,
mixed-up world.Copy !req
343. Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.Copy !req
344. Excellent, grasshopper.Copy !req
345. And now for the final task
of your training.Copy !req
346. You're gonna need a harder piece
of wood than that, cowboy.Copy !req
347. - That's not her.
- Yeah, it is.Copy !req
348. - Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
349. Matt! Matt! Dude, you're
missing the best part.Copy !req
350. Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
351. Settle down, tiger.
I know. I know.Copy !req
352. It's not funny.
Seriously, get away from me.Copy !req
353. - Dude, don't mess this up.
- Mess what up?Copy !req
354. Matt, she's a porn star,
okay?Copy !req
355. Take her to a motel room
and bang her like a beast.Copy !req
356. Eli, I like this girl.Copy !req
357. And you can still like her
with your penis inside her.Copy !req
358. I'm telling you,
you're gonna regret this.Copy !req
359. What would JFK do?
You know he'd tap that ass.Copy !req
360. Eli, I'm never gonna
see her again.Copy !req
361. Oh, you know what? Fine.Copy !req
362. - Fine.
- Fine!Copy !req
363. Goddamn it, Matt.Copy !req
364. I swear to God, if you don't
fuck her, I'll kill myself!Copy !req
365. Matt, please. Please, Matt.
Fuck her for me. For me!Copy !req
366. - Oh, Marci, you're so funny.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
367. - I just saw you naked.
- What?Copy !req
368. Don't worry, honey,
you were only 2 days old.Copy !req
369. - Let's see what else we have.
- Why are you here?Copy !req
370. I just came here to say hi.Copy !req
371. Hi.Copy !req
372. Look at this one of him.Copy !req
373. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
374. - That one's the best.
- It is. He looks so adorable.Copy !req
375. He looks really-
Oh, that's such a good one.Copy !req
376. - Here you go, Danielle.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
377. - Thattagirl.
- This is a cute one.Copy !req
378. Oh, who's your daddy?Copy !req
379. So you were going to school
in Los Angeles?Copy !req
380. For a while. But then I started
working on other things.Copy !req
381. Oh, what kind of things?Copy !req
382. Let me show you.Copy !req
383. Jesus!Copy !req
384. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I don't know, I...Copy !req
385. I don't feel so good.Copy !req
386. What can I do to make you
feel better?Copy !req
387. I think I'm feeling
a lot better now.Copy !req
388. - We can go out another night.
- No, we're going out tonight.Copy !req
389. - You sure?
- Positive.Copy !req
390. - I don't know if I can do this.
- Yes, you can.Copy !req
391. But tonight, be the man.Copy !req
392. First off, act like
you don't even like her.Copy !req
393. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
394. Second, get her drunk.
Really drunk, okay?Copy !req
395. That way the true porn star
will come out in her.Copy !req
396. Here, I... I got us something.Copy !req
397. Bourbon?Copy !req
398. - Are you trying to get me drunk?
- No, what?Copy !req
399. - I thought you like to rock.
- "Like to rock?"Copy !req
400. Last and most important...Copy !req
401. always be touching her,
Matt.Copy !req
402. That tells her you came here
to get down tonight.Copy !req
403. What are we doing?Copy !req
404. Just chilling.Copy !req
405. Hey, look.Copy !req
406. MOTEL
Glen CapriCopy !req
407. Maybe we should get a room.Copy !req
408. Okay.Copy !req
409. Here it is.Copy !req
410. This is- This is really nice.Copy !req
411. TV.Copy !req
412. Air conditioner.Copy !req
413. Got a little lamp there.Copy !req
414. Is that Monet?Copy !req
415. What?Copy !req
416. - What are you thinking?
- What are you thinking?Copy !req
417. I don't know.Copy !req
418. Do you wanna fuck me?Copy !req
419. Come here.Copy !req
420. How do you want me?Copy !req
421. Why are you doing this?Copy !req
422. What?Copy !req
423. This.Copy !req
424. Isn't this what you want?Copy !req
425. To fuck a porn star
in a cheap motel room?Copy !req
426. So this is what
you think of me.Copy !req
427. - Danielle, wait. I'm sorry.
- Let me guess.Copy !req
428. You saw a tape,
and you thought:Copy !req
429. "What the hell?
She does it for a living, right?"Copy !req
430. - Eli told me to do it.
- Oh, now that's a mature response.Copy !req
431. - Why didn't you just tell me?
- Because I didn't want to, okay?Copy !req
432. Because I loved the way
you looked at me.Copy !req
433. God, do you have
any idea how-?Copy !req
434. Forget it.Copy !req
435. - Hold on.
- Fuck you.Copy !req
436. ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT!
SAMNANGCopy !req
437. You're done.Copy !req
438. WHY DO I DESERVE
THIS SCHOLARSHIP?Copy !req
439. Look, I'm an idiot, okay?
I saw the tape, and I freaked out.Copy !req
440. Hi. I'm coming in.
Can I come in?Copy !req
441. Look, I've just
been crazy lately.Copy !req
442. I mean, the whole scholarship
thing, you know, I mean...Copy !req
443. It's killing me, you know?Copy !req
444. But I'm not even
thinking about that.Copy !req
445. The only thing I care about
is you, you know?Copy !req
446. All I want is just for us
to go back to normal again.Copy !req
447. It's a real nice place
you got here, D.Copy !req
448. I...Copy !req
449. Can we...Copy !req
450. talk about this later?
- Yeah.Copy !req
451. Sure.Copy !req
452. I like that.Copy !req
453. - What?
- What you said in there.Copy !req
454. Thanks.Copy !req
455. Kelly.Copy !req
456. Matthew.Copy !req
457. - So you're friends with D, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
458. Well, we're-
We're kind of going out.Copy !req
459. Look at you.
You are a forest fire.Copy !req
460. - Are we going?
- Yeah.Copy !req
461. You coming with us?Copy !req
462. - Where are you going?
- Can't. He's got school tomorrow.Copy !req
463. No, no, I'm cool.
Like, where are we going?Copy !req
464. Hey, there.
What can I get for you?Copy !req
465. We'll get two Scotch
rocks and...Copy !req
466. Make it three. Actually, I'll
have a Long Island iced tea.Copy !req
467. So, what grade are
you in, man?Copy !req
468. I'm a senior.
But I'm about to graduate.Copy !req
469. Congratulations. What's next?Copy !req
470. Georgetown, hopefully.Copy !req
471. - Matthew wants to be president.
- Really?Copy !req
472. - That's great, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
473. How do you
two know each other?Copy !req
474. How do we know each other?Copy !req
475. - We used to work together.
- So you're, like, an actor?Copy !req
476. No. Strictly producer.Copy !req
477. But D and I also used to go out.
Excuse me a sec.Copy !req
478. So you guys went out?Copy !req
479. Thank you.Copy !req
480. Look, can we just talk?Copy !req
481. Talk.Copy !req
482. I don't know if this
is really the place.Copy !req
483. - Why? What's wrong with it?
- No, nothing. It's fine, you know.Copy !req
484. It's one of my favorites.Copy !req
485. Hey, you got one for me?Copy !req
486. - What are you doing?
- What?Copy !req
487. Here.Copy !req
488. And you turn it like so:Copy !req
489. - Hey, where are you going?
- The bathroom. Is that okay?Copy !req
490. Yeah.Copy !req
491. So you're really into her,
huh?Copy !req
492. Hey. I get it, man, believe me.
She's gorgeous.Copy !req
493. I just think you'd want
someone more your age.Copy !req
494. - She's my age.
- Yeah, I meant experience-wise.Copy !req
495. No offense.Copy !req
496. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna take care of you.Copy !req
497. Oh, my God.
That's Mr. Peterson.Copy !req
498. That's my dad's
friend.Copy !req
499. He comes over all
the time with his wife.Copy !req
500. Really?Copy !req
501. Hey, Peterson.Copy !req
502. What? Dude,
what are you doing, man?Copy !req
503. Yeah, you. Get over here.Copy !req
504. Goddamn, Peterson, haven't
seen your black ass in ages.Copy !req
505. - Do I know you?
- What the fuck's your problem?Copy !req
506. - I...
- Just fucking with you, man.Copy !req
507. Hey, you know my friend
Matty here, right?Copy !req
508. - Matthew. Hi.
- Peterson, this is Matty's first time.Copy !req
509. Why don't you buy him a dance.Copy !req
510. So did you hear about
that scholarship yet?Copy !req
511. No, big dinner's on Thursday.Copy !req
512. So, what's it for again?Copy !req
513. The scholarship.Copy !req
514. It's for...Copy !req
515. moral fiber.Copy !req
516. Me? A Teenage Daddy?Copy !req
517. Who is this guy?
Is he a porn producer?Copy !req
518. Klitz, shut up.
Now, the strippers.Copy !req
519. When you get a lap dance, were they
cool with you grabbing their ass?Copy !req
520. Dude. I'm trying to talk
about Danielle here.Copy !req
521. Fine. Selfish bitch.Copy !req
522. For teenagers, sexual intercourse
can be dangerous.Copy !req
523. Jesus, what hack made this?Copy !req
524. I could make a better sex-ed
film with my mom.Copy !req
525. Why don't they update this thing?Copy !req
526. Special events,
such as your senior prom...Copy !req
527. place added pressure on young
teens to lose their virginity...Copy !req
528. and also engage
in unprotected sex.Copy !req
529. 9 months later...Copy !req
530. - Hello?
- Hey, Bob.Copy !req
531. We're all going
to the creek tonight.Copy !req
532. It's gonna be a gas.
You're coming, right?Copy !req
533. I can't, guys.Copy !req
534. I have a baby now.Copy !req
535. Because of prom.Copy !req
536. Dude.Copy !req
537. - What?
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
538. - You guys ever thought about it?
- No.Copy !req
539. I just think you guys
would be really hot.Copy !req
540. - You girls are 18, right?
- I am.Copy !req
541. - I will be in a month.
- Really?Copy !req
542. - You ever been photographed?
- A couple of times.Copy !req
543. Hey, you guys know Matty?Copy !req
544. I hung with him last night.
Guy's the tits.Copy !req
545. Here's my man.Copy !req
546. - How you doing?
- What's up, fellas?Copy !req
547. Matty, you didn't tell me
you got some serious burners...Copy !req
548. at your school here.Copy !req
549. Oh, shut up.
You did not say thatCopy !req
550. Hey, you know who's got
the killer bud?Copy !req
551. This fucker right here.Copy !req
552. - What are you talking about?
- Yeah, come on.Copy !req
553. Yeah, you have some?Copy !req
554. Yeah, come on.Copy !req
555. - Holy shit.
- You guys should party.Copy !req
556. - Can I-?
- All right, we're out.Copy !req
557. - Hold on a sec.
- Where are you guys going?Copy !req
558. - We got things to do.
- Do you wanna hang out?Copy !req
559. - Hop in, fellas.
- Aren't you gonna photograph us?Copy !req
560. Always leave
them wanting more.Copy !req
561. Punch it!Copy !req
562. Man, there is
some talent here.Copy !req
563. You get those girls together
with those ass-bags there...Copy !req
564. shoot them humping at,
like, a football...Copy !req
565. game or at a prom,
that video would sell.Copy !req
566. Fuck, I'm good!Copy !req
567. How do I get these ideas?
It's like a gift, you know?Copy !req
568. It's like I can't control it.Copy !req
569. So, what are we doing, man?Copy !req
570. You know, you really didn't
have to come with me.Copy !req
571. It's cool.
I like running errands.Copy !req
572. So you raised 25 G's just
to bring this Chinese guy over.Copy !req
573. No, he's Cambodian.Copy !req
574. Okay, so that's 25,000
total deposited...Copy !req
575. into the Operation
Get Samnang account.Copy !req
576. Hey, so you raised
all the money you needed.Copy !req
577. - Congratulations.
- Thanks.Copy !req
578. So is this Samnang
really as smart as they say?Copy !req
579. Well, he did teach himself
calculus without even using...Copy !req
580. his textbooks, so...Copy !req
581. Those crazy little fuckers, man.
They sure know their numbers.Copy !req
582. Jeannie, this is my-
This is my student advisor.Copy !req
583. Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?Copy !req
584. Just here to make sure
everything's up to par. Wow.Copy !req
585. - What?
- I love those earrings.Copy !req
586. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
587. They really complement your coloring.Copy !req
588. Thanks. I just got back
from Cabo.Copy !req
589. - Did you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
590. Okay, well, we gotta go.
Thanks, Jeannie.Copy !req
591. Man, what were you doing-?Copy !req
592. There's a bar,
you sit with the people.Copy !req
593. You have been there.Copy !req
594. - See? I knew it.
- No, no.Copy !req
595. - This guy is unbelievable.
- You.Copy !req
596. - Where you guys going?
- Vegas, baby.Copy !req
597. We got the convention. Gotta press
the flesh, meet the fans.Copy !req
598. So that's it?
You're just going back?Copy !req
599. I don't belong here.Copy !req
600. What do you-? What do you mean?
What about starting over?Copy !req
601. This is what I am.Copy !req
602. All right, D, let's roll.Copy !req
603. - Dude, it's not your fault.
- No, it is my fault.Copy !req
604. If I hadn't been such a dick and
taken her to that motel room...Copy !req
605. Yeah, it was a little forward,
don't you think?Copy !req
606. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
607. Matt, the point is,
she made her decision.Copy !req
608. There's nothing
you can do about it now.Copy !req
609. Yeah, there is.Copy !req
610. - Hey, Dad?
- Don't wait up.Copy !req
611. - I'll be late tonight.
- I'll watch it tomorrow.Copy !req
612. - Shark Week is all week long.
- God, I just wanna bang hot chicks.Copy !req
613. LAS VEGAS WELCOMES
THE ADULT FILM CONVENTIONCopy !req
614. - Move it.
- Sorry.Copy !req
615. Big smile.Copy !req
616. - Sasha!
- Sasha!Copy !req
617. - Yo, man, no press.
- No, no. No, I'm not press.Copy !req
618. I'm still in high school,
okay?Copy !req
619. This is for my high school
video yearbook.Copy !req
620. I swear to God.Copy !req
621. That's right, bitch.Copy !req
622. Jesus, is that her?Copy !req
623. Athena.Copy !req
624. Give me a second, guys.Copy !req
625. - Athena!
- Athena!Copy !req
626. - Danielle.
- Athena! Athena!Copy !req
627. - Danielle.
- Come on! Athena, right here!Copy !req
628. - Work it, Athena.
- You are so hot, Athena.Copy !req
629. - Look, I'm sorry. I had to come.
- Asshole, I'm next.Copy !req
630. - I feel like this is all my fault.
- Who is this guy?Copy !req
631. - Will you at least look at me?
- Bend over.Copy !req
632. You're the best thing that
ever happened to me, okay?Copy !req
633. - Me too!
- Oh, Danielle.Copy !req
634. He's so sweet.Copy !req
635. Danielle.Copy !req
636. Nice job, dickwad.Copy !req
637. - Danielle.
- Hey, man, get me out of this thing.Copy !req
638. - Take me with you, dude.
- Danielle.Copy !req
639. Just leave me alone, please.Copy !req
640. Danielle.Copy !req
641. - Danielle, Danielle.
- Hugo, hi.Copy !req
642. Look at you.
You look fantastic.Copy !req
643. Just starting out,
and everyone knows your name.Copy !req
644. No, they don't.Copy !req
645. - So how's Kelly treating you?
- Okay.Copy !req
646. Just okay?Copy !req
647. Danielle, what do we know?Copy !req
648. What do we know? We know
that you should be with me.Copy !req
649. At the top.
Where the air is crisp.Copy !req
650. - Nice tan.
- Kelly.Copy !req
651. - What do we say?
- Fuck you.Copy !req
652. Always with the big words.Copy !req
653. Danielle,
where the air is crisp.Copy !req
654. - What does that mean?
- Nothing. He's just being Hugo.Copy !req
655. Matty. What are you doing here?Copy !req
656. Look, Kelly, no offense, but I
really don't think Danielle...Copy !req
657. wants to be here right now.Copy !req
658. Matthew, please just go home,
okay?Copy !req
659. Hey, D.Copy !req
660. I'm sorry, man. Come on.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
661. What's up?Copy !req
662. It's not cute anymore.Copy !req
663. - What?
- Stop filling her head with that-Copy !req
664. - Do not piss me off.
- Hey, I thought we were friends.Copy !req
665. Friends don't fuck
with each other's business.Copy !req
666. And that's what this is,
my fucking business.Copy !req
667. What?Copy !req
668. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
669. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Stay the fuck away from her.Copy !req
670. Matt, seriously, man,
it's 2:00 in the morning.Copy !req
671. What about your thing tomorrow?
Okay, the scholarship dinner?Copy !req
672. Sorry, I gotta do this.Copy !req
673. Oh, by the way, if things get
bad, just bolt, okay?Copy !req
674. What? What do you mean,
"if things get bad"?Copy !req
675. Just bolt.Copy !req
676. Wait, what's he
talking about?Copy !req
677. You wanna get me a drink?
No, I'm just kidding.Copy !req
678. Hi.Copy !req
679. Dude...Copy !req
680. am I ugly?Copy !req
681. What? No. No, man,
you're fine. Just relax.Copy !req
682. No, I'm ugly. I know it.Copy !req
683. - So, what do you guys do?
- I get freaky.Copy !req
684. - We're directors.
- Really?Copy !req
685. Would you guys ever wanna
use me in one of your movies?Copy !req
686. Hell, yeah, we'll use you.Copy !req
687. Baby, I'll do things to you
I wouldn't do to a farm animal.Copy !req
688. - What the fuck did you just say?
- Honey. These guys are directors.Copy !req
689. - And they wanna use me.
- Use you?Copy !req
690. Guys, this is my boyfriend,
Mule.Copy !req
691. Hi, Mule.Copy !req
692. Let's do it.Copy !req
693. Man, you gotta use my girl, bro.
She's so good.Copy !req
694. I am. I really am.Copy !req
695. - You wanna give her a throw?
- Yeah, try me out.Copy !req
696. No, you know, no, I'm okay,
though, thank you.Copy !req
697. Well, come on.
At least feel her tits.Copy !req
698. I'm okay. I can't.
Thank you, though.Copy !req
699. Fuck it. I'll feel one.Copy !req
700. We're all set for tomorrow.Copy !req
701. Athena will be there,
ready to shoot. Right, babe?Copy !req
702. Not bad, huh?
Suckers cost me 6 grand.Copy !req
703. Yo, Mule, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
704. Steel, check it out, man.
These guys are directors.Copy !req
705. Man, these punks ain't
directors.Copy !req
706. They're in high school,
you idiot.Copy !req
707. Okay, here's the thing-Copy !req
708. Oh, shit!Copy !req
709. - Come on, Klitz, come on.
- Get off.Copy !req
710. Matty, time to go, time to go.
Time to go.Copy !req
711. - What happened?
- It got bad. Bolt. Bolt!Copy !req
712. - Dude, wait up.
- Fuck you, dude!Copy !req
713. Excuse me.Copy !req
714. I just wanna let you know,
I know who you really are.Copy !req
715. And you're better than this.Copy !req
716. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM...Copy !req
717. Yeah?Copy !req
718. Need a ride to school?Copy !req
719. It's all you now. I mean,
now you can do whatever you want.Copy !req
720. Why do you believe
in me so much?Copy !req
721. I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid.Copy !req
722. - Good luck tonight.
- Thanks.Copy !req
723. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
724. Will you go to prom with me?Copy !req
725. What?Copy !req
726. I would love to.Copy !req
727. Now for the scientific
explanation. Anybody?Copy !req
728. JOHN F.
ASK NOT...Copy !req
729. That's your speech?Copy !req
730. Yeah.Copy !req
731. You ready for tonight?Copy !req
732. Hey, don't worry, man.
You're gonna be great.Copy !req
733. I have to be.Copy !req
734. That bitch can't just
run away because...Copy !req
735. she don't wanna fuck
on film anymore.Copy !req
736. May I help you?Copy !req
737. - Get up.
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
738. Stay in school.Copy !req
739. Look, I have the most important
dinner of my life tonight...Copy !req
740. so wherever we're going,
you know...Copy !req
741. we just have to be
home by 6.Copy !req
742. Just so you know.Copy !req
743. Here he comes.Copy !req
744. - It's a cool ride, huh?
- Yeah, if you're a fag.Copy !req
745. - Jesus!
- It's cool, it's cool.Copy !req
746. Get in.Copy !req
747. - Where are we going?
- I thought you were cool, man.Copy !req
748. I tried to be your friend,
and what do you do?Copy !req
749. - You fuck me.
- I didn't fuck you.Copy !req
750. She didn't show up on set
because of what you said.Copy !req
751. Now I'm out 30 grand.Copy !req
752. - Guess who's paying me back.
- What? I don't have 30 grand.Copy !req
753. - Get your folks to help.
- They don't have that kind of money.Copy !req
754. Look, Kelly, I'm a problem solver,
all right? This is what I do. Okay?Copy !req
755. Let's just- Let's just think
outside of the box here.Copy !req
756. Look, she'll get a job,
I'll keep mowing...Copy !req
757. lawns, and over time
we'll pay it down.Copy !req
758. You know? This can work.
We can do this.Copy !req
759. It'll be like a payment plan.Copy !req
760. - You really care about her, huh?
- Yeah, I really do.Copy !req
761. Yeah, I don't know. If I'm gonna
do this payment-plan thing...Copy !req
762. I need a show of good faith,
you know?Copy !req
763. - Something concrete.
- Well, like what?Copy !req
764. A blowjob.Copy !req
765. No. I told you she's not gonna
do that anymore.Copy !req
766. Who said anything about her?Copy !req
767. Yeah, we're definitely
outside the box now, huh?Copy !req
768. Now, you gotta ask yourself,
how far are you willing to go?Copy !req
769. How much do you
really care about her?Copy !req
770. I'm joking, man.Copy !req
771. Relax.Copy !req
772. - Damn. Do I look gay to you?
- No, but, Jesus-Copy !req
773. You wanna be president?Copy !req
774. Let me tell you the first
rule of politics:Copy !req
775. Always know if the juice
is worth the squeeze.Copy !req
776. You know what that means?
It means you don't steal my girl...Copy !req
777. unless you're ready
to accept the consequences.Copy !req
778. All right, I'm sorry, okay?Copy !req
779. That's gonna swell up like
a bitch. Here, take this.Copy !req
780. I'm telling you,
it's gonna hurt like shit.Copy !req
781. I'm sorry I got upset.
I felt taken advantage of.Copy !req
782. Look, I'm not gonna be a dick.
I know she loves you.Copy !req
783. I'm gonna leave you guys alone.Copy !req
784. But now you're doing
something for me.Copy !req
785. Remember that ass-bag, Hugo,
from the convention?Copy !req
786. We used to be partners
a long time ago.Copy !req
787. One day, I had this killer
idea to make films set...Copy !req
788. in real-life situations.Copy !req
789. You know, Real World porn.Copy !req
790. I told the idea to Hugo.
He says he'll think about it.Copy !req
791. And what does
that motherfucker do?Copy !req
792. Takes my best girl, starts
his own company with my idea...Copy !req
793. and the guy makes millions.Copy !req
794. It's not the money
that pisses me off.Copy !req
795. I mean, fuck,
it does piss me off...Copy !req
796. but that's not it.
It's the perception.Copy !req
797. Everybody thinks Hugo's
the genius. It was my idea.Copy !req
798. It's like he's Simon,
and I'm Garfunkel.Copy !req
799. Look at me, man.
I'm fucking Garfunkel.Copy !req
800. - Look, seriously, I can't do this.
- Don't be a pussy. Nobody's home.Copy !req
801. - Why do you want this thing so bad?
- Because it should've been mine.Copy !req
802. - I'll grab it and leave.
- You don't understand...Copy !req
803. I have to be at
a dinner in an hour.Copy !req
804. My whole life depends on it.Copy !req
805. You want me out
of Danielle's life?Copy !req
806. Yes, I do.Copy !req
807. - Then let's go.
- But wait, seriously.Copy !req
808. Sometimes, if you wanna do
something good...Copy !req
809. you gotta do
something bad.Copy !req
810. Yeah, but this is breaking
and entering.Copy !req
811. This is politics.Copy !req
812. Hey.Copy !req
813. After this, we're cool, okay?Copy !req
814. You're all right, man.Copy !req
815. Yes.Copy !req
816. I'd like to report a robbery.Copy !req
817. AVN BEST PICTURE 1999
"CHITTY CHITTY GANG BANG"Copy !req
818. HUGO POSH PRODUCERCopy !req
819. Bang me.Copy !req
820. Cradle the balls.Copy !req
821. Stop! Stop! Help me!Copy !req
822. Help! Oh, fuck!Copy !req
823. Wait!Copy !req
824. Come on!Copy !req
825. Okay, so what time
does the dinner start?Copy !req
826. Six o'clock.Copy !req
827. - Why? What time is it now?
- 6:30.Copy !req
828. - Oh, my God.
- Dude, don't worry, all right?Copy !req
829. We'll get there.
You know what? Try and-Copy !req
830. - Dude, what are you doing?
- I don't know. I just...Copy !req
831. feel so good.Copy !req
832. Oh, my God.Copy !req
833. I just feel so weird.Copy !req
834. Don't worry.
Ecstasy is not that bad.Copy !req
835. - What?
- Kelly likes dosing people with E.Copy !req
836. Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?Copy !req
837. No, no, no. It's okay, Matt.
You're gonna be fine. I promise.Copy !req
838. You're such a good friend, Klitzy.
I love you.Copy !req
839. I love you so much.Copy !req
840. This is gonna be amazing.Copy !req
841. Wait a second.Copy !req
842. Oh, my God.Copy !req
843. WELCOME TO THE SHERIDAN
SCHOLARSHIP BANQUETCopy !req
844. You don't understand. It's
really kicking in right now.Copy !req
845. Just try not to talk
so much, okay?Copy !req
846. Talk so much?
I'm giving a speech.Copy !req
847. - It's okay. Just go with it.
- Wait, wait.Copy !req
848. In a few minutes, we'll begin
the speeches, and we hope...Copy !req
849. Thank you again
for coming to what...Copy !req
850. promises to be a
very eventful evening.Copy !req
851. Matthew Kidman?Copy !req
852. My competition.Copy !req
853. - Hey, what's up, Ryan?
- Jesus, what happened to you?Copy !req
854. Just living life, my man.Copy !req
855. Mina, how are you?Copy !req
856. Okay. Just a little nervous.Copy !req
857. But you're a little temptress,
though, aren't you?Copy !req
858. Hey, buddy. How you doing?Copy !req
859. Hey. Thanks a lot,
thanks a lot.Copy !req
860. Hey, there's the big daddy.Copy !req
861. Matthew, what has been
going on with you?Copy !req
862. Some serious shit.Copy !req
863. But, Jesus, man,
it's good to see you.Copy !req
864. Will you excuse us, please?Copy !req
865. Oh, my God.
Am I blowing it?Copy !req
866. Just try and control yourself.Copy !req
867. - Just breathe, okay?
- All right.Copy !req
868. I have learned a lot
from my teachers.Copy !req
869. But my best teacher
has always been my mother...Copy !req
870. a woman who worked three
jobs trying to support me...Copy !req
871. ever since
I was a little niña.Copy !req
872. I will never forget the day
she said to me:Copy !req
873. And that is why I have always
tried to answer the call...Copy !req
874. of the great
John F. Kennedy...Copy !req
875. who urged us to
"Ask not what your country"-Copy !req
876. Let's see here...Copy !req
877. I can't speak a
foreign language...Copy !req
878. so that's out.Copy !req
879. And I- I certainly
can't quote J.F.K. Now...Copy !req
880. can I, Ryan? You know what?Copy !req
881. It's funny, I have this whole
speech prepared...Copy !req
882. and I've been
practicing for weeks...Copy !req
883. but you know what?Copy !req
884. I'm just gonna go with it.Copy !req
885. Moral fiber.Copy !req
886. So, what is moral fiber?
I mean...Copy !req
887. It's funny, I used to think
it was always telling the truth...Copy !req
888. doing good deeds.Copy !req
889. You know, basically
being a fucking Boy Scout.Copy !req
890. But lately, I've been seeing
it differently.Copy !req
891. Now I think that moral
fiber's about...Copy !req
892. finding that one thing
you really care about.Copy !req
893. That one special thing
that means more...Copy !req
894. to you than anything
else in the world.Copy !req
895. And when you find her...Copy !req
896. you fight for her.
You risk it all.Copy !req
897. your future, your life...Copy !req
898. You put her in front of
everything...Copy !req
899. all of it.Copy !req
900. And maybe the stuff you do
to help her isn't so clean.Copy !req
901. You know what?
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
902. Because in your
heart you know...Copy !req
903. that the juice
is worth the squeeze.Copy !req
904. That's what moral
fiber's all about.Copy !req
905. First, I'd just like to commend
the candidates on...Copy !req
906. their impressive remarks.Copy !req
907. This year was a
very tough decision.Copy !req
908. And as much as we'd love to give
you all scholarships, we can't.Copy !req
909. And so I am proud to announce
the winner...Copy !req
910. of this year's
Sheridan scholarship:Copy !req
911. Ryan Winger.Copy !req
912. Oh, God, what happened?Copy !req
913. Yeah, I slipped.Copy !req
914. Listen, Jeannie,
Samnang's coming on Monday.Copy !req
915. - I know. How exciting.
- Yeah.Copy !req
916. So I'm gonna need
to close out the account.Copy !req
917. What do you mean?Copy !req
918. I mean I'm gonna need
to close out the account.Copy !req
919. - But it's already closed.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
920. Your teacher came by yesterday
and cleared out the account.Copy !req
921. Who? What- What teacher?Copy !req
922. Your student advisor.
Mr. Salinger.Copy !req
923. The one you were
with the other day.Copy !req
924. Mr. Salinger? What are you-?Copy !req
925. CambodiaCopy !req
926. Samnang, what's wrong, my son?Copy !req
927. That Matthew Kidman.Copy !req
928. He fucked me, Mom.
He fucked me so bad.Copy !req
929. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
930. Oh, my God.Copy !req
931. - What's wrong?
- Jeannie...Copy !req
932. didn't you ask
for ID or anything?Copy !req
933. You said he was
your student advisor.Copy !req
934. Oh, my God.Copy !req
935. - Jeannie, where are you going?
- To get the manager.Copy !req
936. No, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
937. Matthew, what's going on?Copy !req
938. Look...Copy !req
939. that guy wasn't
my student advisor.Copy !req
940. No, I know, I know.
I can get the money back.Copy !req
941. We just need to keep this
between me and you for now, okay?Copy !req
942. That's a great blouse, by the way.
Have you lost weight?Copy !req
943. No? No, wait, wait.Copy !req
944. Jeannie.Copy !req
945. You think about this.
This is your fault too. Right?Copy !req
946. You didn't ask for ID.
You didn't do anything.Copy !req
947. And I saw you flirting
with him too...Copy !req
948. all right?
So unprofessional.Copy !req
949. You'll lose your job
over this.Copy !req
950. Don't threaten me,
you little shit.Copy !req
951. I could give a fuck about you
and your rice boy.Copy !req
952. I'm not getting fired.Copy !req
953. Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
Just- Please, I...Copy !req
954. Just- No one can ever
find out about this.Copy !req
955. If this gets out, I'll be expelled.
My life will be over.Copy !req
956. If that money isn't
back by Monday...Copy !req
957. I wouldn't worry about
being expelled.Copy !req
958. I'd worry about going to jail.Copy !req
959. - Jeannie...
- Hi, Jeannie.Copy !req
960. Hi, Martin.Copy !req
961. BANK MANAGERCopy !req
962. Matthew, what's wrong?Copy !req
963. Matt, is there something
you want to talk about?Copy !req
964. Matthew, honey, what is it?Copy !req
965. - Hi.
- Come here.Copy !req
966. I'm in so much trouble.Copy !req
967. I can't believe
we're even thinking about this.Copy !req
968. Well, if you need that kind
of money by Monday...Copy !req
969. Yeah- What are we doing?Copy !req
970. I mean, I can't get you
involved in this.Copy !req
971. I want to do it.Copy !req
972. Why?Copy !req
973. Moral fiber.Copy !req
974. I'm in.Copy !req
975. You haven't heard
the whole plan yet.Copy !req
976. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
977. Fuck film school.Copy !req
978. This is gonna be huge.
This is gonna be my calling card.Copy !req
979. - No.
- Klitzy...Copy !req
980. - No way.
- Klitz...Copy !req
981. you know I wouldn't ask for
this unless I really needed it.Copy !req
982. Matt believe me,
I want to help you, but- No.Copy !req
983. - We'll get expelled and-
- Klitz, shut up.Copy !req
984. Do me a favor, okay?Copy !req
985. Take a look at us, okay?
Take a good look at us.Copy !req
986. Do you know what we are,
the three of us?Copy !req
987. - What?
- We're a fucking tripod.Copy !req
988. - A tripod?
- Yeah.Copy !req
989. And you know what that means?Copy !req
990. That means that if you kick out
one of our legs, then we all fall.Copy !req
991. Come on, baby.Copy !req
992. Fuck.Copy !req
993. I know it was you, Klitzy.Copy !req
994. - Where is she?
- Oh, there they are. Hey.Copy !req
995. - Hey!
- Hi, Danielle.Copy !req
996. Hi.Copy !req
997. - Hey, let's get our luggage!
- Yeah.Copy !req
998. - Yeah!
- All right?Copy !req
999. - I'll be there in a minute.
- Okay!Copy !req
1000. So if I pull this off,
I get the 25 grand on Sunday?Copy !req
1001. Kid, you pull this off I'll
take care of your little Samsung.Copy !req
1002. Samnang.Copy !req
1003. Whatever.Copy !req
1004. Have a nice prom, kid.Copy !req
1005. - All right, minions, over here.
- Good luck.Copy !req
1006. Relax, relax.Copy !req
1007. You know what?
Go wait in the car. Go.Copy !req
1008. Jesus.Copy !req
1009. Gentlemen, these are your
prom dates, April and Ferrari.Copy !req
1010. Ladies, we have Eli and Klitz.Copy !req
1011. Your name is Klitz?Copy !req
1012. With a K.Copy !req
1013. Okay, get a two-shot. Minions.
All right, guys, get closer.Copy !req
1014. Yeah, that's right. Show me
the love. Oh, feel it. Feel it!Copy !req
1015. - Nice.
- Eli?Copy !req
1016. Do those girls go to
your school?Copy !req
1017. Actually, no.Copy !req
1018. Mrs. Kidman...Copy !req
1019. they're porn stars.
- Oh, yeah, right.Copy !req
1020. You look...Copy !req
1021. You- You look really nice.Copy !req
1022. Thanks.Copy !req
1023. You really do, hon.
You look so beautiful.Copy !req
1024. Really?Copy !req
1025. Thanks.Copy !req
1026. WELCOME
TO THE SENIOR PROMCopy !req
1027. What are all these cameras for?Copy !req
1028. For video yearbook.Copy !req
1029. So, what should we do?
Should we start setting up?Copy !req
1030. Yeah, look, we just gotta
keep this low-key, okay?Copy !req
1031. Okay. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1032. I'm gonna get our actors.Copy !req
1033. - Dude, make sure they can act.
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
1034. - Just get out of here, okay?
- Hey, I got this taken care of.Copy !req
1035. You just show this little lady
a good time tonight, all right?Copy !req
1036. - Minions, let's move.
- Wait. So, what are we doing?Copy !req
1037. Relax, relax.Copy !req
1038. Come on, play it cool,
play it cool.Copy !req
1039. Look, they're coming to you.Copy !req
1040. I, Matt.Copy !req
1041. - What's up?
- What's up?Copy !req
1042. - Can we talk to you for a second?
- Dude, I'm with my girl here.Copy !req
1043. - Sorry, man.
- Should we come back?Copy !req
1044. No, I'll leave you guys alone.Copy !req
1045. What's up?Copy !req
1046. Hey, man, what's up
with those girls?Copy !req
1047. - What about them?
- Are they, like...?Copy !req
1048. Are they porn stars?Copy !req
1049. - Yeah.
- Shit.Copy !req
1050. I knew I recognized them.
I knew it.Copy !req
1051. - Can we meet them?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1052. How'd you boys
like to be in a movie?Copy !req
1053. - What are these?
- Your scripts.Copy !req
1054. Sign the release
form at the top.Copy !req
1055. Come on, you guys, wait up!Copy !req
1056. PHOTO RELEASECopy !req
1057. Are these our actors?Copy !req
1058. Just these two.Copy !req
1059. What about me, dude?Copy !req
1060. Sorry, bro.
Party's all full.Copy !req
1061. Gentlemen.Copy !req
1062. As an artist, I want it
to come from a truthful place.Copy !req
1063. Holy shit.Copy !req
1064. - Ferrari. Ferrari. Focus. Listen.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
1065. - Are we...?
- No, I can do this. Don't worry.Copy !req
1066. Think Meryl Streep,
Sophie's Choice.Copy !req
1067. Hey.Copy !req
1068. Hey.Copy !req
1069. Next location! Come on, move!Copy !req
1070. Move, move, move! Let's go!Copy !req
1071. - I gotta be in this.
- Shut up. Take this.Copy !req
1072. Oh, come on! Take the pain!Copy !req
1073. Take the pain!
Get up. Come on!Copy !req
1074. May I have a word with you?Copy !req
1075. - What's up?
- I found this in the hallway.Copy !req
1076. Do you know what this is?Copy !req
1077. No, what is it?Copy !req
1078. Looks like a release
form for something.Copy !req
1079. Yeah, I don't
know what it is.Copy !req
1080. Have a good night.Copy !req
1081. You're strong.Copy !req
1082. You're firm.Copy !req
1083. But you have a secret.Copy !req
1084. Show that to me.Copy !req
1085. Thank you.Copy !req
1086. For what?Copy !req
1087. I never went to prom.Copy !req
1088. Excuse me, sir?Copy !req
1089. We have a problem.Copy !req
1090. - What's wrong?
- Derek didn't work out.Copy !req
1091. - What happened?
- Let's just say he wasn't strong...Copy !req
1092. or firm.Copy !req
1093. Guys, I can't work like this.Copy !req
1094. Okay, relax.
We'll just get somebody else.Copy !req
1095. There is nobody else.Copy !req
1096. I thought everyone's
dying to be in this.Copy !req
1097. Not this scene.Copy !req
1098. All right.Copy !req
1099. This is the key scene.Copy !req
1100. If we don't get this,
Hugo's not gonna buy it.Copy !req
1101. Yeah, well, somebody's
gotta step up.Copy !req
1102. - Why are you looking at me?
- Because you're doing it.Copy !req
1103. Whoa, whoa,
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Bang-Hot-Chicks.Copy !req
1104. Here's your first chance.Copy !req
1105. Klitz, I can't act
and direct, okay?Copy !req
1106. Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.Copy !req
1107. - You're a director now?
- Yeah, I am.Copy !req
1108. Okay, Spielberg,
what lens will you use?Copy !req
1109. - It's a video camera.
- So?Copy !req
1110. Dude, you don't need to change
the lens on a video camera.Copy !req
1111. You know what? Take this camera
and shove it up your ass!Copy !req
1112. I'll do it.Copy !req
1113. I'll do it.Copy !req
1114. You guys have been great,
but this is my mess.Copy !req
1115. - I'll clean it up.
- Matt. Matt.Copy !req
1116. Your face is gonna be in this.
Think about that.Copy !req
1117. - Come here, baby.
- Let's...Copy !req
1118. Picture's up, people.Copy !req
1119. Are you ready, hon?Copy !req
1120. Yeah.Copy !req
1121. Okay, let's do this.Copy !req
1122. And...Copy !req
1123. action.Copy !req
1124. What the hell
is going on in here?Copy !req
1125. - Nobody move!
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
1126. Who is in charge of this?Copy !req
1127. I asked you people
a question!Copy !req
1128. Who is in charge here?Copy !req
1129. Fuck it.Copy !req
1130. All right, everybody,
take five.Copy !req
1131. What's wrong?Copy !req
1132. I can't do this.Copy !req
1133. What happened?Copy !req
1134. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1135. I don't know.
Doesn't matter.Copy !req
1136. No.Copy !req
1137. I'll do it.Copy !req
1138. Klitz, it's cool.
You don't have to-Copy !req
1139. No, no, I'm doing it.Copy !req
1140. Why?Copy !req
1141. Because we're
a fucking tripod.Copy !req
1142. All right, here we go, people.
Picture's up.Copy !req
1143. Listen, I know this
is unprofessional...Copy !req
1144. but I think
you're really cute.Copy !req
1145. Yeah, right.Copy !req
1146. I'm serious.Copy !req
1147. Really cute.Copy !req
1148. How we doing, Klitzy?Copy !req
1149. Fucking great, man.Copy !req
1150. Let's do this.Copy !req
1151. And action!Copy !req
1152. See you guys.Copy !req
1153. Good night, guys.Copy !req
1154. So...Copy !req
1155. what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
1156. - Hello?
- We're dead.Copy !req
1157. - Eli?
- Dude, the tape's not here.Copy !req
1158. - I can't find it.
- What?Copy !req
1159. Dude, I'm not kidding, okay?
I've looked everywhere, okay?Copy !req
1160. All right,
calm down.Copy !req
1161. No, dude, you calm down!
It's gone!Copy !req
1162. - What do you mean it's gone?
- I mean it's freaking gone.Copy !req
1163. Somebody stole it!Copy !req
1164. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1165. Matthew, could you
come in here?Copy !req
1166. This is Mr. Simon.Copy !req
1167. He says he has something
very important to discuss with us.Copy !req
1168. Why don't you sit down.Copy !req
1169. Actually, if you don't mind...Copy !req
1170. may I have a word
with the boy alone first?Copy !req
1171. Sure.Copy !req
1172. So how was prom?Copy !req
1173. - That's mine.
- You know, we were fine.Copy !req
1174. But now you go and do this?
This was my idea.Copy !req
1175. Now I'm really gonna
fuck your shit up.Copy !req
1176. I'm gonna need that back.Copy !req
1177. Take it from me.Copy !req
1178. Yeah...Copy !req
1179. what are you gonna do?Copy !req
1180. I don't have to do anything.Copy !req
1181. Hugo Posh will.Copy !req
1182. Yeah, he's my partner
on this, 50-50.Copy !req
1183. So could I please
have my tape back?Copy !req
1184. Fuck you!Copy !req
1185. Fuck you.
I'm taking your half then.Copy !req
1186. No. That money's going to Samnang.
The money you stole from him.Copy !req
1187. You say that like I care.
I don't give a shit.Copy !req
1188. You're giving me your half.Copy !req
1189. And if I don't?Copy !req
1190. Showtime.Copy !req
1191. - Okay.
- "Okay," what?Copy !req
1192. Show them the tape.Copy !req
1193. I'm not fucking around.Copy !req
1194. I just don't care anymore.Copy !req
1195. This...Copy !req
1196. is gonna be interesting.Copy !req
1197. Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...Copy !req
1198. would you mind joining me
in the living room for a second?Copy !req
1199. Great.Copy !req
1200. Matthew, is there anything you want
to say before we watch this?Copy !req
1201. Okay, then. On with the show.Copy !req
1202. Hello. I'm April.Copy !req
1203. And I'm Ferrari.Copy !req
1204. You may recognize us as stars of
the adult entertainment industry.Copy !req
1205. And today we're taking time
out to talk about...Copy !req
1206. a very important subject.Copy !req
1207. - Sex.
- Sex.Copy !req
1208. Special events
such as senior prom...Copy !req
1209. place added pressure
on young teens...Copy !req
1210. to lose their virginity
and engage in unprotected sex.Copy !req
1211. I know I lost my virginity
at my senior...Copy !req
1212. prom. When'd you
lose yours, April?Copy !req
1213. - When I was 10.
- Moving on.Copy !req
1214. In this video,
we'll go through.Copy !req
1215. everything from kissing
to foreplay.Copy !req
1216. And for our finale, we'll show you
how to put a condom on properly...Copy !req
1217. using a real person.Copy !req
1218. No cucumbers or bananas
in this video.Copy !req
1219. So for those of you
naughty boys...Copy !req
1220. expecting to see a
raunchy porn video...Copy !req
1221. you might as well
turn this off now...Copy !req
1222. because you're not
gonna see sex.Copy !req
1223. What the fuck is this shit?Copy !req
1224. You're gonna see sex education.Copy !req
1225. The ELI EXPERIENCE
presentsCopy !req
1226. ADULT EDUCATION
Sex Education for the 21st CenturyCopy !req
1227. This is interesting, Matthew.Copy !req
1228. Yeah.Copy !req
1229. Yeah, I think it's
a great idea.Copy !req
1230. Well, you remember those
sex-ed films back in our day.Copy !req
1231. Well, I'll tell you, if
they were anything like this...Copy !req
1232. we sure would've paid
more attention, don't you think?Copy !req
1233. I think it's atrocious.Copy !req
1234. But...Copy !req
1235. the hell with it.Copy !req
1236. The kids today
are so goddamn screwed up...Copy !req
1237. maybe this is the only way
you can reach them.Copy !req
1238. You just might
have something here, Matthew.Copy !req
1239. I think it's pretty wild.Copy !req
1240. This could really sell,
don't you think?Copy !req
1241. How'd you come up
with such an idea, Matthew?Copy !req
1242. What can I say?Copy !req
1243. It's like a gift, you know?Copy !req
1244. It's like I can't control it.Copy !req
1245. We've Only.
Just Begun.Copy !req
1246. YEARBOOKS
TODAY!Copy !req
1247. Courtney Booth. I will always
remember late nights in Cabby-Copy !req
1248. Eric Zierdal.
I'll always remember-Copy !req
1249. Kurt Kilgore. I will-Copy !req
1250. Joseph Croft.Copy !req
1251. I will always remember wrestling
and the great memories we had.Copy !req
1252. Matthew Kidman.
I will always remember...Copy !req
1253. the three legs of
the tripod.Copy !req
1254. I'm here with Hugo Posh,
the producer of Adult Education...Copy !req
1255. the hottest-selling
sex-education video ever made...Copy !req
1256. being utilized in classrooms
across the globe.Copy !req
1257. Hugo, you're known primarily as
a hard-core pornographer, correct?Copy !req
1258. My business partner.Copy !req
1259. Let me break it down for youCopy !req
1260. See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits.
He isn't just ass.Copy !req
1261. I mean, yes, he is those things,
but Hugo Posh is also heart.Copy !req
1262. What an ass-bag.Copy !req
1263. THE JUICE WAS
WORTH THE SQUEEZECopy !req
1264. Fucking kid.Copy !req
1265. My student advisor.Copy !req
1266. All right, people.Copy !req
1267. Let's make some fucky-fucky.Copy !req
1268. Now, Hugo, you and your partner
have made millions on this.Copy !req
1269. So who is this silent partner?Copy !req
1270. Well, he prefers to remain
anonymous.Copy !req
1271. You better cure cancer, kid.Copy !req
1272. The next Einstein.Copy !req
1273. All right.
Yeah, next question.Copy !req
1274. - All right.
- Eli's calling card.Copy !req
1275. - How about you, buddy?
- Yeah, Mr. Brooks...Copy !req
1276. why did you decide
to skip film school?Copy !req
1277. Don't you think you're
a little young?Copy !req
1278. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
1279. Next question! Faster!Copy !req
1280. I got the tape! Can you see?
I got the tape!Copy !req
1281. For our finale,
I will now demonstrate...Copy !req
1282. the proper technique...Copy !req
1283. for putting a condom
on the real thing.Copy !req
1284. Is my volunteer ready?Copy !req
1285. Klitz's big debut.Copy !req
1286. Shut up, shut up!
Here he is, here he is.Copy !req
1287. Jesus, look at that guy.Copy !req
1288. He is huge.Copy !req
1289. My own scholarship
to Georgetown.Copy !req
1290. And of course,
I'll never forget...Copy !req
1291. the girl next door.Copy !req
1292. As for me...Copy !req
1293. I'm just going with it.Copy !req