1. How do you want me?Copy !req
2. Oh, that's good. Yeah, just...
Just get comfortable.Copy !req
3. I'm a little nervous.Copy !req
4. You're doing great.Copy !req
5. A little to the right there,
gorgeous.Copy !req
6. - Okay. Like this?
- Oh, that a girl.Copy !req
7. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
8. - You ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
9. - You're blushing, Dorothy.
- Don't blush, Kathy.Copy !req
10. Oh, Kathy.Copy !req
11. Okay, and big smile.Copy !req
12. Kathy Regan.Copy !req
13. I will always remember...Copy !req
14. the game against Fairfield.Copy !req
15. That one final kick.Copy !req
16. State champion, senior year.Copy !req
17. Hunter McCaffrey.Copy !req
18. I will always remember...Copy !req
19. all the great times
with the dirty dozen...Copy !req
20. and macking all
the honeys.Copy !req
21. Cindy K. Tina B.Copy !req
22. Michelle H. Goddamn!Copy !req
23. Just too many to remember.Copy !req
24. I'll always remember
lacrosse champions.Copy !req
25. All the glory days with
the boys.Copy !req
26. I will always remember...Copy !req
27. the math-club madmen...Copy !req
28. making the perfect
fake ID's...Copy !req
29. which lasted six secondsCopy !req
30. - Troy Cochran.
- Troy Cochran.Copy !req
31. - Troy gives good head.
- Fuck you!Copy !req
32. I'll always remember...Copy !req
33. Seniors!Copy !req
34. the senior prank.Copy !req
35. Matthew Kidman.
I will always remember...Copy !req
36. SENIORS ONLY!Copy !req
37. I'll always remember...Copy !req
38. Yeah, well, I told you
I wanted to try out.Copy !req
39. We'd like to honor
a student...Copy !req
40. who has shown outstanding
leadership.Copy !req
41. We have no doubt that
he will be one...Copy !req
42. of the great politicians
in Washington.Copy !req
43. GeorgetownCopy !req
44. The award for
the brightest leader...Copy !req
45. of tomorrow,
Matthew Kidman.Copy !req
46. - I'm in! I'm in!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
47. Georgetown!
They gave it to you!Copy !req
48. Hey, Jenny.Copy !req
49. Yeah, dude, come on.Copy !req
50. DO YOU HAVE THE FEVER?Copy !req
51. - Do you have the fever?
- No.Copy !req
52. Why? Do you?Copy !req
53. I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
54. How about you?Copy !req
55. I just gotta fuck something.Copy !req
56. I said, everybody say, "Ho!"Copy !req
57. You know what I say?Copy !req
58. I say, this prom is gonna be
off the hook! Do you feel me?Copy !req
59. Security's gonna be tight.
Get wasted before you show up.Copy !req
60. That's enough!Copy !req
61. That's enough. I can wait.Copy !req
62. I can wait, people.Copy !req
63. Now, it is your
student-council president...Copy !req
64. who has a few announcements
to make.Copy !req
65. Thanks, Mr. Salinger.Copy !req
66. All right, how you doing?Copy !req
67. Okay, let's start off
with Operation Get Samnang.Copy !req
68. Sam Young, baby!Copy !req
69. Yeah.Copy !req
70. Well, we did it.
We raised the 25,000 dollars...Copy !req
71. so now we can bring the genius
Samnang out of Cambodia...Copy !req
72. and bring him here
to study at Westport.Copy !req
73. Speaking of which,
Samnang sent us a new tape.Copy !req
74. Show that shit!Copy !req
75. Show it!Copy !req
76. Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.Copy !req
77. Sam Young!Copy !req
78. I am very excited to be
coming soon. Are you excited?Copy !req
79. I told my class that I am coming
to America. They were sad.Copy !req
80. I am so happy.Copy !req
81. - I wanna bang you!
- Go, Cougars!Copy !req
82. How do they just skip class
every day and go to the beach?Copy !req
83. Because they just don't care.Copy !req
84. Let's go with them.Copy !req
85. - Seriously, let's just do it.
- Why?Copy !req
86. Because, I mean,
we never do anything.Copy !req
87. I mean, we're graduating. We
should be going nuts right now.Copy !req
88. Let's just do something.Copy !req
89. I am doing something,
I'm going to class.Copy !req
90. Klitz, you already got
into Yale.Copy !req
91. I mean, it doesn't
matter anymore.Copy !req
92. Yeah, Klitz, you pussy.Copy !req
93. - Well, why don't you go?
- Yeah, come on. Let's go.Copy !req
94. Beach is for fags, man.Copy !req
95. - The beach is for fags?
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. You know what?
You guys are fags.Copy !req
97. Everyone to the beach!Copy !req
98. Let's go! Lock them
and load them, dude.Copy !req
99. Fuck it.Copy !req
100. Personal power means
the ability to act...Copy !req
101. the ability to take action.Copy !req
102. Three steps to personal power
are necessary for results.Copy !req
103. Here's number one step
to personal power.Copy !req
104. It's called energy.
Energy.Copy !req
105. When you wake up feeling
really lethargic, really lousy...Copy !req
106. do you usually
jump up and go-?Copy !req
107. Oh, shit.Copy !req
108. Hey! Pull it over!Copy !req
109. Pull it over! Pull-Copy !req
110. Oh, well, you're home early.Copy !req
111. I postponed yearbook.
I gotta work on my speechCopy !req
112. - Hi, Mr. Peterson.
- Mr. President.Copy !req
113. - Mrs. Peterson.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
114. - Oh, thank you.
- Congratulations. Georgetown.Copy !req
115. Wow, you must be flying.Copy !req
116. It's cool.Copy !req
117. What's the speech
you're working on?Copy !req
118. Oh, it's for this scholarship
I need to get so I can...Copy !req
119. actually go to Georgetown.Copy !req
120. It's pretty expensive.Copy !req
121. What kind of scholarship
is it?Copy !req
122. What do they give it for?Copy !req
123. It's for the student who best
demonstrates moral fiber.Copy !req
124. Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's-Copy !req
125. - Oh, I'm sure you'll get it.
- Thanks. I mean, I hope so.Copy !req
126. I mean, there's some stiff
Competition...Copy !req
127. and they only pick
one of us...Copy !req
128. so I'll just have to blow
them away with my speech.Copy !req
129. Okay, so why do I deserve
this scholarship?Copy !req
130. 1. MAKE EYE CONTACT
2. BE CHARMING 3. JFK!Copy !req
131. can do for you
but what you can do..."Copy !req
132. John F. Kennedy once said,
"Ask not whatCopy !req
133. Look, I don't know
who she is.Copy !req
134. I'm just saying that
this girl was unbelievable.Copy !req
135. I mean, she was
like this angel.Copy !req
136. I mean, she had this smile.
I mean, you should have seen it.Copy !req
137. - So did you bang her?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I banged her.Copy !req
138. That's what a man does,
okay?Copy !req
139. - Yeah. Okay, Eli.
- Good.Copy !req
140. Oh, my God. She's so hot.Copy !req
141. - What channel, dude?
- No, the girl next door.Copy !req
142. I can see her through
my window.Copy !req
143. How's the rack?Copy !req
144. - God, who is this girl?
- How's the rack?Copy !req
145. - Hold on. Relax.
- No. You relax.Copy !req
146. Be a man and go over there.Copy !req
147. Okay. Say what?Copy !req
148. I don't know. Get off your
ass and do something. Fuck!Copy !req
149. - Hey, what are you doing?
- What?Copy !req
150. Hey, dude, seriously,
I told you...Copy !req
151. it really freaks me out
when you watch that while...Copy !req
152. you're talking to me.Copy !req
153. Just learn to like it.Copy !req
154. Oh, my God.Copy !req
155. What? Matt, what?Copy !req
156. Matt!Copy !req
157. Dude, what the fuck?Copy !req
158. Shit!Copy !req
159. - Yes?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
160. - Dan.
- What's going on?Copy !req
161. Matthew!Copy !req
162. Matthew, come down here.Copy !req
163. - What are you doing up there?
- Nothing.Copy !req
164. Come down here.Copy !req
165. This is Danielle.Copy !req
166. You know Mrs. Clark from
next door. Danielle's her niece.Copy !req
167. Danielle just told us
something very interesting.Copy !req
168. Mrs. Clark is in Africa for
two weeks with her church group.Copy !req
169. Did you know that?Copy !req
170. Anyway, Danielle just came
in from Los Angeles...Copy !req
171. and she's housesitting
while her aunt's away.Copy !req
172. Why don't you show
her around.Copy !req
173. Such a long road, you know.Copy !req
174. - What are we doing?
- Did you like what you saw?Copy !req
175. What are you talking about?Copy !req
176. Okay, I saw you for,
like, an instant.Copy !req
177. - An instant?
- Yeah.Copy !req
178. It was no big deal.Copy !req
179. No, no, it was- It was a
big deal, but it's just that...Copy !req
180. I didn't...Copy !req
181. I'm sorry.Copy !req
182. I'm sorry.Copy !req
183. So, what are we gonna
do about this?Copy !req
184. I mean, I said I was sorry.Copy !req
185. What?Copy !req
186. You saw me...Copy !req
187. Yeah, right, like I'm gonna
strip right here?Copy !req
188. Are you serious?Copy !req
189. No.Copy !req
190. No. No, never gonna happen.Copy !req
191. The whole package.Copy !req
192. No, come on,
this is good enough.Copy !req
193. Jesus! Come on,
will you relax?Copy !req
194. Frigging psycho.Copy !req
195. There. You happy now?Copy !req
196. Yep.Copy !req
197. Hey! Wait!Copy !req
198. No!Copy !req
199. Jesus. Sorry.Copy !req
200. You're an asshole.
It's not funny.Copy !req
201. It's a little funny.Copy !req
202. Come on.Copy !req
203. Let me in. Let me in.Copy !req
204. It's not funny.Copy !req
205. It's a little funny.Copy !req
206. So, what else do you do
besides torture people?Copy !req
207. - Seriously, what's your story?
- I don't know.Copy !req
208. I kind of just quit my job.Copy !req
209. I want to start over.
Maybe go to college.Copy !req
210. So are you here
alone or what?Copy !req
211. - What?
- Just ask.Copy !req
212. Do you have a boyfriend?Copy !req
213. No.Copy !req
214. Aren't you gonna ask me
if I have a girlfriend?Copy !req
215. No. 01:18:45.04:18:46.13
Okay.Copy !req
216. So you're about to graduate.
You must be going nuts right now.Copy !req
217. Yeah.Copy !req
218. I mean, it's just been
off the hook, you know?Copy !req
219. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
220. So, what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
221. Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell,
you know, because we-Copy !req
222. I've just done so much
nuts stuff. I mean...Copy !req
223. It's just off the hook,
off the walls. I mean...Copy !req
224. You haven't done anything,
have you?Copy !req
225. No.Copy !req
226. It's kind of- It's kind
of been my problem lately.Copy !req
227. Come on, there's gotta
be something.Copy !req
228. What about your girlfriend?Copy !req
229. Okay.Copy !req
230. We can figure this out.
You just need a girl.Copy !req
231. What kind of girl?Copy !req
232. Definitely someone cute.Copy !req
233. Definitely.Copy !req
234. Someone who can make
him laugh.Copy !req
235. But he also needs someone
who's gonna push him.Copy !req
236. Someone who's gonna
make him do...Copy !req
237. things he never thought
he could do.Copy !req
238. Like stripping
in the middle of the street?Copy !req
239. - Well, thanks for the ride.
- No problem.Copy !req
240. Well...Copy !req
241. good night.Copy !req
242. Good night.Copy !req
243. "Good night"?
What are you, gay?Copy !req
244. - I would have nailed her.
- Ok, you wouldn't have nailed her.Copy !req
245. - Whatever, dude.
- And, you know, secondly...Copy !req
246. you know,
the vibe was not right.Copy !req
247. The vibe wasn't right? She comes
to your house and makes you strip.Copy !req
248. What does she have to do,
sit on your face?Copy !req
249. Come on, bitch.Copy !req
250. - Damn. Should have kissed her.
- Are you okay? Dude?Copy !req
251. All right, you all have
this graph, correct?Copy !req
252. Good. Let's move along then.Copy !req
253. Now, it's a very simple
equation here.Copy !req
254. Somebody give me
the answer to this.Copy !req
255. All right, if no one knows
the answer to this...Copy !req
256. Looking at this calculation,
what does this make us think of?Copy !req
257. Questions on this?Copy !req
258. Good news, ladies and gentlemen.
Pop-quiz time.Copy !req
259. That's Samnang Sok.
He's this complete genius.Copy !req
260. So we raised all
this money for him...Copy !req
261. to come here and
study at our school.Copy !req
262. - Who's "we"?
- Well, I mean, I did...Copy !req
263. but he could be
the next Einstein, you know.Copy !req
264. You know,
he could cure cancer.Copy !req
265. Let's go.Copy !req
266. So, what do you wanna do?Copy !req
267. What?Copy !req
268. I'm not stripping again.Copy !req
269. Come on.Copy !req
270. Danielle!Copy !req
271. Come on.
Where are you going?Copy !req
272. Hey, come on,
let's get out of here.Copy !req
273. How do you know
no one's home?Copy !req
274. - I don't.
- Come on.Copy !req
275. Seriously, this is nuts.Copy !req
276. Oh, boxers.Copy !req
277. I always wear boxers. You just
caught me on a weird day.Copy !req
278. So, what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
279. This is right up there.Copy !req
280. Oh, my God.Copy !req
281. - That's Mr. Salinger.
- Who?Copy !req
282. That's my principal.
Seriously, let's go.Copy !req
283. - It's not funny.
- It's a little funny.Copy !req
284. Hey.Copy !req
285. Just go with it.Copy !req
286. Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable
watching this with you.Copy !req
287. Dude, learn to like it.Copy !req
288. I'm all wet. Can I come in?Copy !req
289. Hey, guys. This is Danielle.Copy !req
290. You must be Eli. And Klitz.
Right.Copy !req
291. Hey, come on,
we're all going out.Copy !req
292. - Can I use your bathroom first?
- Oh, it's over here to the left.Copy !req
293. - Dude.
- I know.Copy !req
294. Dude.Copy !req
295. I know.Copy !req
296. - Dude, what are we doing here?
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
297. Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...Copy !req
298. broken up, like,
any second now, right?Copy !req
299. Guys?Copy !req
300. - Get the fuck out of here!
- Sorry.Copy !req
301. Go.Copy !req
302. - So, what do you wanna do?
- Let's just chill.Copy !req
303. Hi, guys.Copy !req
304. - Is this your party?
- No, it's a friend of mine's.Copy !req
305. - I'm Hunter.
- Danielle.Copy !req
306. This is Matthew.Copy !req
307. - Hey, Matt, what's up?
- What's up?Copy !req
308. Can I get you something
to drink?Copy !req
309. - Yeah.
- Hey, man, what's up?Copy !req
310. - Can you come here for a second?
- Yeah.Copy !req
311. No, it's cool. They're pals.Copy !req
312. What's up?Copy !req
313. Yeah, man, this party's
getting kind of full, bro.Copy !req
314. - Yeah, so?
- So you're gonna have to take off.Copy !req
315. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
316. Okay, but I'm with her.
I mean-Copy !req
317. Oh, it's cool, dude.
She's taken care of.Copy !req
318. There's the door.Copy !req
319. Yo, man!Copy !req
320. When's Samsung getting here?Copy !req
321. - Samnang.
- Yeah!Copy !req
322. I love him.Copy !req
323. Dude, I'm gonna do that little
guy when he gets here.Copy !req
324. Hard.Copy !req
325. Cool, dude.
I'm sure he'll like that.Copy !req
326. Sam Young!Copy !req
327. Excuse me.Copy !req
328. - Dude.
- I know.Copy !req
329. - What?
- You're coming with me. Right now.Copy !req
330. Everybody out. Let's move.Copy !req
331. I said out, minions! Move! Move!
Faster, you little maggots.Copy !req
332. - So how's everything going?
- Fine.Copy !req
333. Is everything, you know,
okay at home?Copy !req
334. All right, what?Copy !req
335. Perhaps you should have a seat.Copy !req
336. Perhaps you should bite me.Copy !req
337. Perhaps.Copy !req
338. Matthew...Copy !req
339. we live in a crazy,
mixed-up world.Copy !req
340. Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.Copy !req
341. Excellent, grasshopper.Copy !req
342. And now for the final task
of your training.Copy !req
343. You're gonna need a harder piece
of wood than that, cowboy.Copy !req
344. - That's not her.
- Yeah, it is.Copy !req
345. - Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
346. Matt! Matt! Dude, you're
missing the best part.Copy !req
347. Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
348. Settle down, tiger.
I know. I know.Copy !req
349. It's not funny.
Seriously, get away from me.Copy !req
350. - Dude, don't mess this up.
- Mess what up?Copy !req
351. Matt, she's a porn star,
okay?Copy !req
352. Take her to a motel room
and bang her like a beast.Copy !req
353. Eli, I like this girl.Copy !req
354. And you can still like her
with your penis inside her.Copy !req
355. I'm telling you,
you're gonna regret this.Copy !req
356. What would JFK do?
You know he'd tap that ass.Copy !req
357. Eli, I'm never gonna
see her again.Copy !req
358. Oh, you know what? Fine.Copy !req
359. - Fine.
- Fine!Copy !req
360. Goddamn it, Matt.Copy !req
361. I swear to God, if you don't
fuck her, I'll kill myself!Copy !req
362. Matt, please. Please, Matt.
Fuck her for me. For me!Copy !req
363. - Oh, Marci, you're so funny.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
364. - I just saw you naked.
- What?Copy !req
365. Don't worry, honey,
you were only 2 days old.Copy !req
366. - Let's see what else we have.
- Why are you here?Copy !req
367. I just came here to say hi.Copy !req
368. Hi.Copy !req
369. Look at this one of him.Copy !req
370. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
371. - That one's the best.
- It is. He looks so adorable.Copy !req
372. He looks really-
Oh, that's such a good one.Copy !req
373. - Here you go, Danielle.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
374. - Thattagirl.
- This is a cute one.Copy !req
375. Oh, who's your daddy?Copy !req
376. So you were going to school
in Los Angeles?Copy !req
377. For a while. But then I started
working on other things.Copy !req
378. Oh, what kind of things?Copy !req
379. Let me show you.Copy !req
380. Jesus!Copy !req
381. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I don't know, I...Copy !req
382. I don't feel so good.Copy !req
383. What can I do to make you
feel better?Copy !req
384. I think I'm feeling
a lot better now.Copy !req
385. - We can go out another night.
- No, we're going out tonight.Copy !req
386. - You sure?
- Positive.Copy !req
387. - I don't know if I can do this.
- Yes, you can.Copy !req
388. But tonight, be the man.Copy !req
389. First off, act like
you don't even like her.Copy !req
390. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
391. Second, get her drunk.
Really drunk, okay?Copy !req
392. That way the true porn star
will come out in her.Copy !req
393. Here, I... I got us something.Copy !req
394. Bourbon?Copy !req
395. - Are you trying to get me drunk?
- No, what?Copy !req
396. - I thought you like to rock.
- "Like to rock?"Copy !req
397. Last and most important...Copy !req
398. always be touching her,
Matt.Copy !req
399. That tells her you came here
to get down tonight.Copy !req
400. What are we doing?Copy !req
401. Just chilling.Copy !req
402. Hey, look.Copy !req
403. Glen CapriCopy !req
404. Maybe we should get a room.Copy !req
405. Okay.Copy !req
406. Here it is.Copy !req
407. This is- This is really nice.Copy !req
408. TV.Copy !req
409. Air conditioner.Copy !req
410. Got a little lamp there.Copy !req
411. Is that Monet?Copy !req
412. What?Copy !req
413. - What are you thinking?
- What are you thinking?Copy !req
414. I don't know.Copy !req
415. Do you wanna fuck me?Copy !req
416. Come here.Copy !req
417. How do you want me?Copy !req
418. Why are you doing this?Copy !req
419. What?Copy !req
420. This.Copy !req
421. Isn't this what you want?Copy !req
422. To fuck a porn star
in a cheap motel room?Copy !req
423. So this is what
you think of me.Copy !req
424. - Danielle, wait. I'm sorry.
- Let me guess.Copy !req
425. You saw a tape,
and you thought:Copy !req
426. "What the hell?
She does it for a living, right?"Copy !req
427. - Eli told me to do it.
- Oh, now that's a mature response.Copy !req
428. - Why didn't you just tell me?
- Because I didn't want to, okay?Copy !req
429. Because I loved the way
you looked at me.Copy !req
430. God, do you have
any idea how-?Copy !req
431. Forget it.Copy !req
432. - Hold on.
- Fuck you.Copy !req
433. ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT!Copy !req
434. You're done.Copy !req
435. THIS SCHOLARSHIP?Copy !req
436. Look, I'm an idiot, okay?
I saw the tape, and I freaked out.Copy !req
437. Hi. I'm coming in.
Can I come in?Copy !req
438. Look, I've just
been crazy lately.Copy !req
439. I mean, the whole scholarship
thing, you know, I mean...Copy !req
440. It's killing me, you know?Copy !req
441. But I'm not even
thinking about that.Copy !req
442. The only thing I care about
is you, you know?Copy !req
443. All I want is just for us
to go back to normal again.Copy !req
444. It's a real nice place
you got here, D.Copy !req
445. I...Copy !req
446. Can we...Copy !req
447. talk about this later?
- Yeah.Copy !req
448. Sure.Copy !req
449. I like that.Copy !req
450. - What?
- What you said in there.Copy !req
451. Thanks.Copy !req
452. Kelly.Copy !req
453. Matthew.Copy !req
454. - So you're friends with D, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
455. Well, we're-
We're kind of going out.Copy !req
456. Look at you.
You are a forest fire.Copy !req
457. - Are we going?
- Yeah.Copy !req
458. You coming with us?Copy !req
459. - Where are you going?
- Can't. He's got school tomorrow.Copy !req
460. No, no, I'm cool.
Like, where are we going?Copy !req
461. Hey, there.
What can I get for you?Copy !req
462. We'll get two Scotch
rocks and...Copy !req
463. Make it three. Actually, I'll
have a Long Island iced tea.Copy !req
464. So, what grade are
you in, man?Copy !req
465. I'm a senior.
But I'm about to graduate.Copy !req
466. Congratulations. What's next?Copy !req
467. Georgetown, hopefully.Copy !req
468. - Matthew wants to be president.
- Really?Copy !req
469. - That's great, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
470. How do you
two know each other?Copy !req
471. How do we know each other?Copy !req
472. - We used to work together.
- So you're, like, an actor?Copy !req
473. No. Strictly producer.Copy !req
474. But D and I also used to go out.
Excuse me a sec.Copy !req
475. So you guys went out?Copy !req
476. Thank you.Copy !req
477. Look, can we just talk?Copy !req
478. Talk.Copy !req
479. I don't know if this
is really the place.Copy !req
480. - Why? What's wrong with it?
- No, nothing. It's fine, you know.Copy !req
481. It's one of my favorites.Copy !req
482. Hey, you got one for me?Copy !req
483. - What are you doing?
- What?Copy !req
484. Here.Copy !req
485. And you turn it like so:Copy !req
486. - Hey, where are you going?
- The bathroom. Is that okay?Copy !req
487. Yeah.Copy !req
488. So you're really into her,
huh?Copy !req
489. Hey. I get it, man, believe me.
She's gorgeous.Copy !req
490. I just think you'd want
someone more your age.Copy !req
491. - She's my age.
- Yeah, I meant experience-wise.Copy !req
492. No offense.Copy !req
493. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna take care of you.Copy !req
494. Oh, my God.
That's Mr. Peterson.Copy !req
495. That's my dad's
friend.Copy !req
496. He comes over all
the time with his wife.Copy !req
497. Really?Copy !req
498. Hey, Peterson.Copy !req
499. What? Dude,
what are you doing, man?Copy !req
500. Yeah, you. Get over here.Copy !req
501. Goddamn, Peterson, haven't
seen your black ass in ages.Copy !req
502. - Do I know you?
- What the fuck's your problem?Copy !req
503. - I...
- Just fucking with you, man.Copy !req
504. Hey, you know my friend
Matty here, right?Copy !req
505. - Matthew. Hi.
- Peterson, this is Matty's first time.Copy !req
506. Why don't you buy him a dance.Copy !req
507. So did you hear about
that scholarship yet?Copy !req
508. No, big dinner's on Thursday.Copy !req
509. So, what's it for again?Copy !req
510. The scholarship.Copy !req
511. It's for...Copy !req
512. moral fiber.Copy !req
513. Me? A Teenage Daddy?Copy !req
514. Who is this guy?
Is he a porn producer?Copy !req
515. Klitz, shut up.
Now, the strippers.Copy !req
516. When you get a lap dance, were they
cool with you grabbing their ass?Copy !req
517. Dude. I'm trying to talk
about Danielle here.Copy !req
518. Fine. Selfish bitch.Copy !req
519. For teenagers, sexual intercourse
can be dangerous.Copy !req
520. Jesus, what hack made this?Copy !req
521. I could make a better sex-ed
film with my mom.Copy !req
522. Why don't they update this thing?Copy !req
523. Special events,
such as your senior prom...Copy !req
524. place added pressure on young
teens to lose their virginity...Copy !req
525. and also engage
in unprotected sex.Copy !req
526. 9 months later...Copy !req
527. - Hello?
- Hey, Bob.Copy !req
528. We're all going
to the creek tonight.Copy !req
529. It's gonna be a gas.
You're coming, right?Copy !req
530. I can't, guys.Copy !req
531. I have a baby now.Copy !req
532. Because of prom.Copy !req
533. Dude.Copy !req
534. - What?
- Yeah, right.Copy !req
535. - You guys ever thought about it?
- No.Copy !req
536. I just think you guys
would be really hot.Copy !req
537. - You girls are 18, right?
- I am.Copy !req
538. - I will be in a month.
- Really?Copy !req
539. - You ever been photographed?
- A couple of times.Copy !req
540. Hey, you guys know Matty?Copy !req
541. I hung with him last night.
Guy's the tits.Copy !req
542. Here's my man.Copy !req
543. - How you doing?
- What's up, fellas?Copy !req
544. Matty, you didn't tell me
you got some serious burners...Copy !req
545. at your school here.Copy !req
546. Oh, shut up.
You did not say thatCopy !req
547. Hey, you know who's got
the killer bud?Copy !req
548. This fucker right here.Copy !req
549. - What are you talking about?
- Yeah, come on.Copy !req
550. Yeah, you have some?Copy !req
551. Yeah, come on.Copy !req
552. - Holy shit.
- You guys should party.Copy !req
553. - Can I-?
- All right, we're out.Copy !req
554. - Hold on a sec.
- Where are you guys going?Copy !req
555. - We got things to do.
- Do you wanna hang out?Copy !req
556. - Hop in, fellas.
- Aren't you gonna photograph us?Copy !req
557. Always leave
them wanting more.Copy !req
558. Punch it!Copy !req
559. Man, there is
some talent here.Copy !req
560. You get those girls together
with those ass-bags there...Copy !req
561. shoot them humping at,
like, a football...Copy !req
562. game or at a prom,
that video would sell.Copy !req
563. Fuck, I'm good!Copy !req
564. How do I get these ideas?
It's like a gift, you know?Copy !req
565. It's like I can't control it.Copy !req
566. So, what are we doing, man?Copy !req
567. You know, you really didn't
have to come with me.Copy !req
568. It's cool.
I like running errands.Copy !req
569. So you raised 25 G's just
to bring this Chinese guy over.Copy !req
570. No, he's Cambodian.Copy !req
571. Okay, so that's 25,000
total deposited...Copy !req
572. into the Operation
Get Samnang account.Copy !req
573. Hey, so you raised
all the money you needed.Copy !req
574. - Congratulations.
- Thanks.Copy !req
575. So is this Samnang
really as smart as they say?Copy !req
576. Well, he did teach himself
calculus without even using...Copy !req
577. his textbooks, so...Copy !req
578. Those crazy little fuckers, man.
They sure know their numbers.Copy !req
579. Jeannie, this is my-
This is my student advisor.Copy !req
580. Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?Copy !req
581. Just here to make sure
everything's up to par. Wow.Copy !req
582. - What?
- I love those earrings.Copy !req
583. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
584. They really complement your coloring.Copy !req
585. Thanks. I just got back
from Cabo.Copy !req
586. - Did you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
587. Okay, well, we gotta go.
Thanks, Jeannie.Copy !req
588. Man, what were you doing-?Copy !req
589. There's a bar,
you sit with the people.Copy !req
590. You have been there.Copy !req
591. - See? I knew it.
- No, no.Copy !req
592. - This guy is unbelievable.
- You.Copy !req
593. - Where you guys going?
- Vegas, baby.Copy !req
594. We got the convention. Gotta press
the flesh, meet the fans.Copy !req
595. So that's it?
You're just going back?Copy !req
596. I don't belong here.Copy !req
597. What do you-? What do you mean?
What about starting over?Copy !req
598. This is what I am.Copy !req
599. All right, D, let's roll.Copy !req
600. - Dude, it's not your fault.
- No, it is my fault.Copy !req
601. If I hadn't been such a dick and
taken her to that motel room...Copy !req
602. Yeah, it was a little forward,
don't you think?Copy !req
603. - Dude.
- What?Copy !req
604. Matt, the point is,
she made her decision.Copy !req
605. There's nothing
you can do about it now.Copy !req
606. Yeah, there is.Copy !req
607. - Hey, Dad?
- Don't wait up.Copy !req
608. - I'll be late tonight.
- I'll watch it tomorrow.Copy !req
609. - Shark Week is all week long.
- God, I just wanna bang hot chicks.Copy !req
610. - Move it.
- Sorry.Copy !req
611. Big smile.Copy !req
612. - Sasha!
- Sasha!Copy !req
613. - Yo, man, no press.
- No, no. No, I'm not press.Copy !req
614. I'm still in high school,
okay?Copy !req
615. This is for my high school
video yearbook.Copy !req
616. I swear to God.Copy !req
617. That's right, bitch.Copy !req
618. Jesus, is that her?Copy !req
619. Athena.Copy !req
620. Give me a second, guys.Copy !req
621. - Athena!
- Athena!Copy !req
622. - Danielle.
- Athena! Athena!Copy !req
623. - Danielle.
- Come on! Athena, right here!Copy !req
624. - Work it, Athena.
- You are so hot, Athena.Copy !req
625. - Look, I'm sorry. I had to come.
- Asshole, I'm next.Copy !req
626. - I feel like this is all my fault.
- Who is this guy?Copy !req
627. - Will you at least look at me?
- Bend over.Copy !req
628. You're the best thing that
ever happened to me, okay?Copy !req
629. - Me too!
- Oh, Danielle.Copy !req
630. He's so sweet.Copy !req
631. Danielle.Copy !req
632. Nice job, dickwad.Copy !req
633. - Danielle.
- Hey, man, get me out of this thing.Copy !req
634. - Take me with you, dude.
- Danielle.Copy !req
635. Just leave me alone, please.Copy !req
636. Danielle.Copy !req
637. - Danielle, Danielle.
- Hugo, hi.Copy !req
638. Look at you.
You look fantastic.Copy !req
639. Just starting out,
and everyone knows your name.Copy !req
640. No, they don't.Copy !req
641. - So how's Kelly treating you?
- Okay.Copy !req
642. Just okay?Copy !req
643. Danielle, what do we know?Copy !req
644. What do we know? We know
that you should be with me.Copy !req
645. At the top.
Where the air is crisp.Copy !req
646. - Nice tan.
- Kelly.Copy !req
647. - What do we say?
- Fuck you.Copy !req
648. Always with the big words.Copy !req
649. Danielle,
where the air is crisp.Copy !req
650. - What does that mean?
- Nothing. He's just being Hugo.Copy !req
651. Matty. What are you doing here?Copy !req
652. Look, Kelly, no offense, but I
really don't think Danielle...Copy !req
653. wants to be here right now.Copy !req
654. Matthew, please just go home,
okay?Copy !req
655. Hey, D.Copy !req
656. I'm sorry, man. Come on.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
657. What's up?Copy !req
658. It's not cute anymore.Copy !req
659. - What?
- Stop filling her head with that-Copy !req
660. - Do not piss me off.
- Hey, I thought we were friends.Copy !req
661. Friends don't fuck
with each other's business.Copy !req
662. And that's what this is,
my fucking business.Copy !req
663. What?Copy !req
664. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
665. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Stay the fuck away from her.Copy !req
666. Matt, seriously, man,
it's 2:00 in the morning.Copy !req
667. What about your thing tomorrow?
Okay, the scholarship dinner?Copy !req
668. Sorry, I gotta do this.Copy !req
669. Oh, by the way, if things get
bad, just bolt, okay?Copy !req
670. What? What do you mean,
"if things get bad"?Copy !req
671. Just bolt.Copy !req
672. Wait, what's he
talking about?Copy !req
673. You wanna get me a drink?
No, I'm just kidding.Copy !req
674. Hi.Copy !req
675. Dude...Copy !req
676. am I ugly?Copy !req
677. What? No. No, man,
you're fine. Just relax.Copy !req
678. No, I'm ugly. I know it.Copy !req
679. - So, what do you guys do?
- I get freaky.Copy !req
680. - We're directors.
- Really?Copy !req
681. Would you guys ever wanna
use me in one of your movies?Copy !req
682. Hell, yeah, we'll use you.Copy !req
683. Baby, I'll do things to you
I wouldn't do to a farm animal.Copy !req
684. - What the fuck did you just say?
- Honey. These guys are directors.Copy !req
685. - And they wanna use me.
- Use you?Copy !req
686. Guys, this is my boyfriend,
Mule.Copy !req
687. Hi, Mule.Copy !req
688. Let's do it.Copy !req
689. Man, you gotta use my girl, bro.
She's so good.Copy !req
690. I am. I really am.Copy !req
691. - You wanna give her a throw?
- Yeah, try me out.Copy !req
692. No, you know, no, I'm okay,
though, thank you.Copy !req
693. Well, come on.
At least feel her tits.Copy !req
694. I'm okay. I can't.
Thank you, though.Copy !req
695. Fuck it. I'll feel one.Copy !req
696. We're all set for tomorrow.Copy !req
697. Athena will be there,
ready to shoot. Right, babe?Copy !req
698. Not bad, huh?
Suckers cost me 6 grand.Copy !req
699. Yo, Mule, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
700. Steel, check it out, man.
These guys are directors.Copy !req
701. Man, these punks ain't
directors.Copy !req
702. They're in high school,
you idiot.Copy !req
703. Okay, here's the thing-Copy !req
704. Oh, shit!Copy !req
705. - Come on, Klitz, come on.
- Get off.Copy !req
706. Matty, time to go, time to go.
Time to go.Copy !req
707. - What happened?
- It got bad. Bolt. Bolt!Copy !req
708. - Dude, wait up.
- Fuck you, dude!Copy !req
709. Excuse me.Copy !req
710. I just wanna let you know,
I know who you really are.Copy !req
711. And you're better than this.Copy !req
712. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM...Copy !req
713. Yeah?Copy !req
714. Need a ride to school?Copy !req
715. It's all you now. I mean,
now you can do whatever you want.Copy !req
716. Why do you believe
in me so much?Copy !req
717. I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid.Copy !req
718. - Good luck tonight.
- Thanks.Copy !req
719. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
720. Will you go to prom with me?Copy !req
721. What?Copy !req
722. I would love to.Copy !req
723. Now for the scientific
explanation. Anybody?Copy !req
724. JOHN F.
ASK NOT...Copy !req
725. That's your speech?Copy !req
726. Yeah.Copy !req
727. You ready for tonight?Copy !req
728. Hey, don't worry, man.
You're gonna be great.Copy !req
729. I have to be.Copy !req
730. That bitch can't just
run away because...Copy !req
731. she don't wanna fuck
on film anymore.Copy !req
732. May I help you?Copy !req
733. - Get up.
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
734. Stay in school.Copy !req
735. Look, I have the most important
dinner of my life tonight...Copy !req
736. so wherever we're going,
you know...Copy !req
737. we just have to be
home by 6.Copy !req
738. Just so you know.Copy !req
739. Here he comes.Copy !req
740. - It's a cool ride, huh?
- Yeah, if you're a fag.Copy !req
741. - Jesus!
- It's cool, it's cool.Copy !req
742. Get in.Copy !req
743. - Where are we going?
- I thought you were cool, man.Copy !req
744. I tried to be your friend,
and what do you do?Copy !req
745. - You fuck me.
- I didn't fuck you.Copy !req
746. She didn't show up on set
because of what you said.Copy !req
747. Now I'm out 30 grand.Copy !req
748. - Guess who's paying me back.
- What? I don't have 30 grand.Copy !req
749. - Get your folks to help.
- They don't have that kind of money.Copy !req
750. Look, Kelly, I'm a problem solver,
all right? This is what I do. Okay?Copy !req
751. Let's just- Let's just think
outside of the box here.Copy !req
752. Look, she'll get a job,
I'll keep mowing...Copy !req
753. lawns, and over time
we'll pay it down.Copy !req
754. You know? This can work.
We can do this.Copy !req
755. It'll be like a payment plan.Copy !req
756. - You really care about her, huh?
- Yeah, I really do.Copy !req
757. Yeah, I don't know. If I'm gonna
do this payment-plan thing...Copy !req
758. I need a show of good faith,
you know?Copy !req
759. - Something concrete.
- Well, like what?Copy !req
760. A blowjob.Copy !req
761. No. I told you she's not gonna
do that anymore.Copy !req
762. Who said anything about her?Copy !req
763. Yeah, we're definitely
outside the box now, huh?Copy !req
764. Now, you gotta ask yourself,
how far are you willing to go?Copy !req
765. How much do you
really care about her?Copy !req
766. I'm joking, man.Copy !req
767. Relax.Copy !req
768. - Damn. Do I look gay to you?
- No, but, Jesus-Copy !req
769. You wanna be president?Copy !req
770. Let me tell you the first
rule of politics:Copy !req
771. Always know if the juice
is worth the squeeze.Copy !req
772. You know what that means?
It means you don't steal my girl...Copy !req
773. unless you're ready
to accept the consequences.Copy !req
774. All right, I'm sorry, okay?Copy !req
775. That's gonna swell up like
a bitch. Here, take this.Copy !req
776. I'm telling you,
it's gonna hurt like shit.Copy !req
777. I'm sorry I got upset.
I felt taken advantage of.Copy !req
778. Look, I'm not gonna be a dick.
I know she loves you.Copy !req
779. I'm gonna leave you guys alone.Copy !req
780. But now you're doing
something for me.Copy !req
781. Remember that ass-bag, Hugo,
from the convention?Copy !req
782. We used to be partners
a long time ago.Copy !req
783. One day, I had this killer
idea to make films set...Copy !req
784. in real-life situations.Copy !req
785. You know, Real World porn.Copy !req
786. I told the idea to Hugo.
He says he'll think about it.Copy !req
787. And what does
that motherfucker do?Copy !req
788. Takes my best girl, starts
his own company with my idea...Copy !req
789. and the guy makes millions.Copy !req
790. It's not the money
that pisses me off.Copy !req
791. I mean, fuck,
it does piss me off...Copy !req
792. but that's not it.
It's the perception.Copy !req
793. Everybody thinks Hugo's
the genius. It was my idea.Copy !req
794. It's like he's Simon,
and I'm Garfunkel.Copy !req
795. Look at me, man.
I'm fucking Garfunkel.Copy !req
796. - Look, seriously, I can't do this.
- Don't be a pussy. Nobody's home.Copy !req
797. - Why do you want this thing so bad?
- Because it should've been mine.Copy !req
798. - I'll grab it and leave.
- You don't understand...Copy !req
799. I have to be at
a dinner in an hour.Copy !req
800. My whole life depends on it.Copy !req
801. You want me out
of Danielle's life?Copy !req
802. Yes, I do.Copy !req
803. - Then let's go.
- But wait, seriously.Copy !req
804. Sometimes, if you wanna do
something good...Copy !req
805. you gotta do
something bad.Copy !req
806. Yeah, but this is breaking
and entering.Copy !req
807. This is politics.Copy !req
808. Hey.Copy !req
809. After this, we're cool, okay?Copy !req
810. You're all right, man.Copy !req
811. Yes.Copy !req
812. I'd like to report a robbery.Copy !req
813. AVN BEST PICTURE 1999
"CHITTY CHITTY GANG BANG"Copy !req
814. Bang me.Copy !req
815. Cradle the balls.Copy !req
816. Stop! Stop! Help me!Copy !req
817. Help! Oh, fuck!Copy !req
818. Wait!Copy !req
819. Come on!Copy !req
820. Okay, so what time
does the dinner start?Copy !req
821. Six o'clock.Copy !req
822. - Why? What time is it now?
- 6:30.Copy !req
823. - Oh, my God.
- Dude, don't worry, all right?Copy !req
824. We'll get there.
You know what? Try and-Copy !req
825. - Dude, what are you doing?
- I don't know. I just...Copy !req
826. feel so good.Copy !req
827. Oh, my God.Copy !req
828. I just feel so weird.Copy !req
829. Don't worry.
Ecstasy is not that bad.Copy !req
830. - What?
- Kelly likes dosing people with E.Copy !req
831. Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?Copy !req
832. No, no, no. It's okay, Matt.
You're gonna be fine. I promise.Copy !req
833. You're such a good friend, Klitzy.
I love you.Copy !req
834. I love you so much.Copy !req
835. This is gonna be amazing.Copy !req
836. Wait a second.Copy !req
837. Oh, my God.Copy !req
838. You don't understand. It's
really kicking in right now.Copy !req
839. Just try not to talk
so much, okay?Copy !req
840. Talk so much?
I'm giving a speech.Copy !req
841. - It's okay. Just go with it.
- Wait, wait.Copy !req
842. In a few minutes, we'll begin
the speeches, and we hope...Copy !req
843. Thank you again
for coming to what...Copy !req
844. promises to be a
very eventful evening.Copy !req
845. Matthew Kidman?Copy !req
846. My competition.Copy !req
847. - Hey, what's up, Ryan?
- Jesus, what happened to you?Copy !req
848. Just living life, my man.Copy !req
849. Mina, how are you?Copy !req
850. Okay. Just a little nervous.Copy !req
851. But you're a little temptress,
though, aren't you?Copy !req
852. Hey, buddy. How you doing?Copy !req
853. Hey. Thanks a lot,
thanks a lot.Copy !req
854. Hey, there's the big daddy.Copy !req
855. Matthew, what has been
going on with you?Copy !req
856. Some serious shit.Copy !req
857. But, Jesus, man,
it's good to see you.Copy !req
858. Will you excuse us, please?Copy !req
859. Oh, my God.
Am I blowing it?Copy !req
860. Just try and control yourself.Copy !req
861. - Just breathe, okay?
- All right.Copy !req
862. I have learned a lot
from my teachers.Copy !req
863. But my best teacher
has always been my mother...Copy !req
864. a woman who worked three
jobs trying to support me...Copy !req
865. ever since
I was a little niña.Copy !req
866. I will never forget the day
she said to me:Copy !req
867. And that is why I have always
tried to answer the call...Copy !req
868. of the great
John F. Kennedy...Copy !req
869. who urged us to
"Ask not what your country"-Copy !req
870. Let's see here...Copy !req
871. I can't speak a
foreign language...Copy !req
872. so that's out.Copy !req
873. And I- I certainly
can't quote J.F.K. Now...Copy !req
874. can I, Ryan? You know what?Copy !req
875. It's funny, I have this whole
speech prepared...Copy !req
876. and I've been
practicing for weeks...Copy !req
877. but you know what?Copy !req
878. I'm just gonna go with it.Copy !req
879. Moral fiber.Copy !req
880. So, what is moral fiber?
I mean...Copy !req
881. It's funny, I used to think
it was always telling the truth...Copy !req
882. doing good deeds.Copy !req
883. You know, basically
being a fucking Boy Scout.Copy !req
884. But lately, I've been seeing
it differently.Copy !req
885. Now I think that moral
fiber's about...Copy !req
886. finding that one thing
you really care about.Copy !req
887. That one special thing
that means more...Copy !req
888. to you than anything
else in the world.Copy !req
889. And when you find her...Copy !req
890. you fight for her.
You risk it all.Copy !req
891. your future, your life...Copy !req
892. You put her in front of
everything...Copy !req
893. all of it.Copy !req
894. And maybe the stuff you do
to help her isn't so clean.Copy !req
895. You know what?
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
896. Because in your
heart you know...Copy !req
897. that the juice
is worth the squeeze.Copy !req
898. That's what moral
fiber's all about.Copy !req
899. First, I'd just like to commend
the candidates on...Copy !req
900. their impressive remarks.Copy !req
901. This year was a
very tough decision.Copy !req
902. And as much as we'd love to give
you all scholarships, we can't.Copy !req
903. And so I am proud to announce
the winner...Copy !req
904. of this year's
Sheridan scholarship:Copy !req
905. Ryan Winger.Copy !req
906. Oh, God, what happened?Copy !req
907. Yeah, I slipped.Copy !req
908. Listen, Jeannie,
Samnang's coming on Monday.Copy !req
909. - I know. How exciting.
- Yeah.Copy !req
910. So I'm gonna need
to close out the account.Copy !req
911. What do you mean?Copy !req
912. I mean I'm gonna need
to close out the account.Copy !req
913. - But it's already closed.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
914. Your teacher came by yesterday
and cleared out the account.Copy !req
915. Who? What- What teacher?Copy !req
916. Your student advisor.
Mr. Salinger.Copy !req
917. The one you were
with the other day.Copy !req
918. Mr. Salinger? What are you-?Copy !req
919. CambodiaCopy !req
920. Samnang, what's wrong, my son?Copy !req
921. That Matthew Kidman.Copy !req
922. He fucked me, Mom.
He fucked me so bad.Copy !req
923. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
924. Oh, my God.Copy !req
925. - What's wrong?
- Jeannie...Copy !req
926. didn't you ask
for ID or anything?Copy !req
927. You said he was
your student advisor.Copy !req
928. Oh, my God.Copy !req
929. - Jeannie, where are you going?
- To get the manager.Copy !req
930. No, hold on.
Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
931. Matthew, what's going on?Copy !req
932. Look...Copy !req
933. that guy wasn't
my student advisor.Copy !req
934. No, I know, I know.
I can get the money back.Copy !req
935. We just need to keep this
between me and you for now, okay?Copy !req
936. That's a great blouse, by the way.
Have you lost weight?Copy !req
937. No? No, wait, wait.Copy !req
938. Jeannie.Copy !req
939. You think about this.
This is your fault too. Right?Copy !req
940. You didn't ask for ID.
You didn't do anything.Copy !req
941. And I saw you flirting
with him too...Copy !req
942. all right?
So unprofessional.Copy !req
943. You'll lose your job
over this.Copy !req
944. Don't threaten me,
you little shit.Copy !req
945. I could give a fuck about you
and your rice boy.Copy !req
946. I'm not getting fired.Copy !req
947. Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
Just- Please, I...Copy !req
948. Just- No one can ever
find out about this.Copy !req
949. If this gets out, I'll be expelled.
My life will be over.Copy !req
950. If that money isn't
back by Monday...Copy !req
951. I wouldn't worry about
being expelled.Copy !req
952. I'd worry about going to jail.Copy !req
953. - Jeannie...
- Hi, Jeannie.Copy !req
954. Hi, Martin.Copy !req
955. Matthew, what's wrong?Copy !req
956. Matt, is there something
you want to talk about?Copy !req
957. Matthew, honey, what is it?Copy !req
958. - Hi.
- Come here.Copy !req
959. I'm in so much trouble.Copy !req
960. I can't believe
we're even thinking about this.Copy !req
961. Well, if you need that kind
of money by Monday...Copy !req
962. Yeah- What are we doing?Copy !req
963. I mean, I can't get you
involved in this.Copy !req
964. I want to do it.Copy !req
965. Why?Copy !req
966. Moral fiber.Copy !req
967. I'm in.Copy !req
968. You haven't heard
the whole plan yet.Copy !req
969. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
970. Fuck film school.Copy !req
971. This is gonna be huge.
This is gonna be my calling card.Copy !req
972. - No.
- Klitzy...Copy !req
973. - No way.
- Klitz...Copy !req
974. you know I wouldn't ask for
this unless I really needed it.Copy !req
975. Matt believe me,
I want to help you, but- No.Copy !req
976. - We'll get expelled and-
- Klitz, shut up.Copy !req
977. Do me a favor, okay?Copy !req
978. Take a look at us, okay?
Take a good look at us.Copy !req
979. Do you know what we are,
the three of us?Copy !req
980. - What?
- We're a fucking tripod.Copy !req
981. - A tripod?
- Yeah.Copy !req
982. And you know what that means?Copy !req
983. That means that if you kick out
one of our legs, then we all fall.Copy !req
984. Come on, baby.Copy !req
985. Fuck.Copy !req
986. I know it was you, Klitzy.Copy !req
987. - Where is she?
- Oh, there they are. Hey.Copy !req
988. - Hey!
- Hi, Danielle.Copy !req
989. Hi.Copy !req
990. - Hey, let's get our luggage!
- Yeah.Copy !req
991. - Yeah!
- All right?Copy !req
992. - I'll be there in a minute.
- Okay!Copy !req
993. So if I pull this off,
I get the 25 grand on Sunday?Copy !req
994. Kid, you pull this off I'll
take care of your little Samsung.Copy !req
995. Samnang.Copy !req
996. Whatever.Copy !req
997. Have a nice prom, kid.Copy !req
998. - All right, minions, over here.
- Good luck.Copy !req
999. Relax, relax.Copy !req
1000. You know what?
Go wait in the car. Go.Copy !req
1001. Jesus.Copy !req
1002. Gentlemen, these are your
prom dates, April and Ferrari.Copy !req
1003. Ladies, we have Eli and Klitz.Copy !req
1004. Your name is Klitz?Copy !req
1005. With a K.Copy !req
1006. Okay, get a two-shot. Minions.
All right, guys, get closer.Copy !req
1007. Yeah, that's right. Show me
the love. Oh, feel it. Feel it!Copy !req
1008. - Nice.
- Eli?Copy !req
1009. Do those girls go to
your school?Copy !req
1010. Actually, no.Copy !req
1011. Mrs. Kidman...Copy !req
1012. they're porn stars.
- Oh, yeah, right.Copy !req
1013. You look...Copy !req
1014. You- You look really nice.Copy !req
1015. Thanks.Copy !req
1016. You really do, hon.
You look so beautiful.Copy !req
1017. Really?Copy !req
1018. Thanks.Copy !req
1019. What are all these cameras for?Copy !req
1020. For video yearbook.Copy !req
1021. So, what should we do?
Should we start setting up?Copy !req
1022. Yeah, look, we just gotta
keep this low-key, okay?Copy !req
1023. Okay. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1024. I'm gonna get our actors.Copy !req
1025. - Dude, make sure they can act.
- Yeah, all right.Copy !req
1026. - Just get out of here, okay?
- Hey, I got this taken care of.Copy !req
1027. You just show this little lady
a good time tonight, all right?Copy !req
1028. - Minions, let's move.
- Wait. So, what are we doing?Copy !req
1029. Relax, relax.Copy !req
1030. Come on, play it cool,
play it cool.Copy !req
1031. Look, they're coming to you.Copy !req
1032. I, Matt.Copy !req
1033. - What's up?
- What's up?Copy !req
1034. - Can we talk to you for a second?
- Dude, I'm with my girl here.Copy !req
1035. - Sorry, man.
- Should we come back?Copy !req
1036. No, I'll leave you guys alone.Copy !req
1037. What's up?Copy !req
1038. Hey, man, what's up
with those girls?Copy !req
1039. - What about them?
- Are they, like...?Copy !req
1040. Are they porn stars?Copy !req
1041. - Yeah.
- Shit.Copy !req
1042. I knew I recognized them.
I knew it.Copy !req
1043. - Can we meet them?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1044. How'd you boys
like to be in a movie?Copy !req
1045. - What are these?
- Your scripts.Copy !req
1046. Sign the release
form at the top.Copy !req
1047. Come on, you guys, wait up!Copy !req
1048. Are these our actors?Copy !req
1049. Just these two.Copy !req
1050. What about me, dude?Copy !req
1051. Sorry, bro.
Party's all full.Copy !req
1052. Gentlemen.Copy !req
1053. As an artist, I want it
to come from a truthful place.Copy !req
1054. Holy shit.Copy !req
1055. - Ferrari. Ferrari. Focus. Listen.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
1056. - Are we...?
- No, I can do this. Don't worry.Copy !req
1057. Think Meryl Streep,
Sophie's Choice.Copy !req
1058. Hey.Copy !req
1059. Hey.Copy !req
1060. Next location! Come on, move!Copy !req
1061. Move, move, move! Let's go!Copy !req
1062. - I gotta be in this.
- Shut up. Take this.Copy !req
1063. Oh, come on! Take the pain!Copy !req
1064. Take the pain!
Get up. Come on!Copy !req
1065. May I have a word with you?Copy !req
1066. - What's up?
- I found this in the hallway.Copy !req
1067. Do you know what this is?Copy !req
1068. No, what is it?Copy !req
1069. Looks like a release
form for something.Copy !req
1070. Yeah, I don't
know what it is.Copy !req
1071. Have a good night.Copy !req
1072. You're strong.Copy !req
1073. You're firm.Copy !req
1074. But you have a secret.Copy !req
1075. Show that to me.Copy !req
1076. Thank you.Copy !req
1077. For what?Copy !req
1078. I never went to prom.Copy !req
1079. Excuse me, sir?Copy !req
1080. We have a problem.Copy !req
1081. - What's wrong?
- Derek didn't work out.Copy !req
1082. - What happened?
- Let's just say he wasn't strong...Copy !req
1083. or firm.Copy !req
1084. Guys, I can't work like this.Copy !req
1085. Okay, relax.
We'll just get somebody else.Copy !req
1086. There is nobody else.Copy !req
1087. I thought everyone's
dying to be in this.Copy !req
1088. Not this scene.Copy !req
1089. All right.Copy !req
1090. This is the key scene.Copy !req
1091. If we don't get this,
Hugo's not gonna buy it.Copy !req
1092. Yeah, well, somebody's
gotta step up.Copy !req
1093. - Why are you looking at me?
- Because you're doing it.Copy !req
1094. Whoa, whoa,
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Bang-Hot-Chicks.Copy !req
1095. Here's your first chance.Copy !req
1096. Klitz, I can't act
and direct, okay?Copy !req
1097. Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.Copy !req
1098. - You're a director now?
- Yeah, I am.Copy !req
1099. Okay, Spielberg,
what lens will you use?Copy !req
1100. - It's a video camera.
- So?Copy !req
1101. Dude, you don't need to change
the lens on a video camera.Copy !req
1102. You know what? Take this camera
and shove it up your ass!Copy !req
1103. I'll do it.Copy !req
1104. I'll do it.Copy !req
1105. You guys have been great,
but this is my mess.Copy !req
1106. - I'll clean it up.
- Matt. Matt.Copy !req
1107. Your face is gonna be in this.
Think about that.Copy !req
1108. - Come here, baby.
- Let's...Copy !req
1109. Picture's up, people.Copy !req
1110. Are you ready, hon?Copy !req
1111. Yeah.Copy !req
1112. Okay, let's do this.Copy !req
1113. And...Copy !req
1114. action.Copy !req
1115. What the hell
is going on in here?Copy !req
1116. - Nobody move!
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
1117. Who is in charge of this?Copy !req
1118. I asked you people
a question!Copy !req
1119. Who is in charge here?Copy !req
1120. Fuck it.Copy !req
1121. All right, everybody,
take five.Copy !req
1122. What's wrong?Copy !req
1123. I can't do this.Copy !req
1124. What happened?Copy !req
1125. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1126. I don't know.
Doesn't matter.Copy !req
1127. No.Copy !req
1128. I'll do it.Copy !req
1129. Klitz, it's cool.
You don't have to-Copy !req
1130. No, no, I'm doing it.Copy !req
1131. Why?Copy !req
1132. Because we're
a fucking tripod.Copy !req
1133. All right, here we go, people.
Picture's up.Copy !req
1134. Listen, I know this
is unprofessional...Copy !req
1135. but I think
you're really cute.Copy !req
1136. Yeah, right.Copy !req
1137. I'm serious.Copy !req
1138. Really cute.Copy !req
1139. How we doing, Klitzy?Copy !req
1140. Fucking great, man.Copy !req
1141. Let's do this.Copy !req
1142. And action!Copy !req
1143. See you guys.Copy !req
1144. Good night, guys.Copy !req
1145. So...Copy !req
1146. what's the craziest thing
you've done lately?Copy !req
1147. - Hello?
- We're dead.Copy !req
1148. - Eli?
- Dude, the tape's not here.Copy !req
1149. - I can't find it.
- What?Copy !req
1150. Dude, I'm not kidding, okay?
I've looked everywhere, okay?Copy !req
1151. All right,
calm down.Copy !req
1152. No, dude, you calm down!
It's gone!Copy !req
1153. - What do you mean it's gone?
- I mean it's freaking gone.Copy !req
1154. Somebody stole it!Copy !req
1155. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
1156. Matthew, could you
come in here?Copy !req
1157. This is Mr. Simon.Copy !req
1158. He says he has something
very important to discuss with us.Copy !req
1159. Why don't you sit down.Copy !req
1160. Actually, if you don't mind...Copy !req
1161. may I have a word
with the boy alone first?Copy !req
1162. Sure.Copy !req
1163. So how was prom?Copy !req
1164. - That's mine.
- You know, we were fine.Copy !req
1165. But now you go and do this?
This was my idea.Copy !req
1166. Now I'm really gonna
fuck your shit up.Copy !req
1167. I'm gonna need that back.Copy !req
1168. Take it from me.Copy !req
1169. Yeah...Copy !req
1170. what are you gonna do?Copy !req
1171. I don't have to do anything.Copy !req
1172. Hugo Posh will.Copy !req
1173. Yeah, he's my partner
on this, 50-50.Copy !req
1174. So could I please
have my tape back?Copy !req
1175. Fuck you!Copy !req
1176. Fuck you.
I'm taking your half then.Copy !req
1177. No. That money's going to Samnang.
The money you stole from him.Copy !req
1178. You say that like I care.
I don't give a shit.Copy !req
1179. You're giving me your half.Copy !req
1180. And if I don't?Copy !req
1181. Showtime.Copy !req
1182. - Okay.
- "Okay," what?Copy !req
1183. Show them the tape.Copy !req
1184. I'm not fucking around.Copy !req
1185. I just don't care anymore.Copy !req
1186. This...Copy !req
1187. is gonna be interesting.Copy !req
1188. Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...Copy !req
1189. would you mind joining me
in the living room for a second?Copy !req
1190. Great.Copy !req
1191. Matthew, is there anything you want
to say before we watch this?Copy !req
1192. Okay, then. On with the show.Copy !req
1193. Hello. I'm April.Copy !req
1194. And I'm Ferrari.Copy !req
1195. You may recognize us as stars of
the adult entertainment industry.Copy !req
1196. And today we're taking time
out to talk about...Copy !req
1197. a very important subject.Copy !req
1198. - Sex.
- Sex.Copy !req
1199. Special events
such as senior prom...Copy !req
1200. place added pressure
on young teens...Copy !req
1201. to lose their virginity
and engage in unprotected sex.Copy !req
1202. I know I lost my virginity
at my senior...Copy !req
1203. prom. When'd you
lose yours, April?Copy !req
1204. - When I was 10.
- Moving on.Copy !req
1205. In this video,
we'll go through.Copy !req
1206. everything from kissing
to foreplay.Copy !req
1207. And for our finale, we'll show you
how to put a condom on properly...Copy !req
1208. using a real person.Copy !req
1209. No cucumbers or bananas
in this video.Copy !req
1210. So for those of you
naughty boys...Copy !req
1211. expecting to see a
raunchy porn video...Copy !req
1212. you might as well
turn this off now...Copy !req
1213. because you're not
gonna see sex.Copy !req
1214. What the fuck is this shit?Copy !req
1215. You're gonna see sex education.Copy !req
1216. The ELI EXPERIENCE
presentsCopy !req
1217. Sex Education for the 21st CenturyCopy !req
1218. This is interesting, Matthew.Copy !req
1219. Yeah.Copy !req
1220. Yeah, I think it's
a great idea.Copy !req
1221. Well, you remember those
sex-ed films back in our day.Copy !req
1222. Well, I'll tell you, if
they were anything like this...Copy !req
1223. we sure would've paid
more attention, don't you think?Copy !req
1224. I think it's atrocious.Copy !req
1225. But...Copy !req
1226. the hell with it.Copy !req
1227. The kids today
are so goddamn screwed up...Copy !req
1228. maybe this is the only way
you can reach them.Copy !req
1229. You just might
have something here, Matthew.Copy !req
1230. I think it's pretty wild.Copy !req
1231. This could really sell,
don't you think?Copy !req
1232. How'd you come up
with such an idea, Matthew?Copy !req
1233. What can I say?Copy !req
1234. It's like a gift, you know?Copy !req
1235. It's like I can't control it.Copy !req
1236. We've Only.
Just Begun.Copy !req
1237. TODAY!Copy !req
1238. Courtney Booth. I will always
remember late nights in Cabby-Copy !req
1239. Eric Zierdal.
I'll always remember-Copy !req
1240. Kurt Kilgore. I will-Copy !req
1241. Joseph Croft.Copy !req
1242. I will always remember wrestling
and the great memories we had.Copy !req
1243. Matthew Kidman.
I will always remember...Copy !req
1244. the three legs of
the tripod.Copy !req
1245. I'm here with Hugo Posh,
the producer of Adult Education...Copy !req
1246. the hottest-selling
sex-education video ever made...Copy !req
1247. being utilized in classrooms
across the globe.Copy !req
1248. Hugo, you're known primarily as
a hard-core pornographer, correct?Copy !req
1249. My business partner.Copy !req
1250. Let me break it down for youCopy !req
1251. See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits.
He isn't just ass.Copy !req
1252. I mean, yes, he is those things,
but Hugo Posh is also heart.Copy !req
1253. What an ass-bag.Copy !req
1254. Fucking kid.Copy !req
1255. My student advisor.Copy !req
1256. All right, people.Copy !req
1257. Let's make some fucky-fucky.Copy !req
1258. Now, Hugo, you and your partner
have made millions on this.Copy !req
1259. So who is this silent partner?Copy !req
1260. Well, he prefers to remain
anonymous.Copy !req
1261. You better cure cancer, kid.Copy !req
1262. The next Einstein.Copy !req
1263. All right.
Yeah, next question.Copy !req
1264. - All right.
- Eli's calling card.Copy !req
1265. - How about you, buddy?
- Yeah, Mr. Brooks...Copy !req
1266. why did you decide
to skip film school?Copy !req
1267. Don't you think you're
a little young?Copy !req
1268. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
1269. Next question! Faster!Copy !req
1270. I got the tape! Can you see?
I got the tape!Copy !req
1271. For our finale,
I will now demonstrate...Copy !req
1272. the proper technique...Copy !req
1273. for putting a condom
on the real thing.Copy !req
1274. Is my volunteer ready?Copy !req
1275. Klitz's big debut.Copy !req
1276. Shut up, shut up!
Here he is, here he is.Copy !req
1277. Jesus, look at that guy.Copy !req
1278. He is huge.Copy !req
1279. My own scholarship
to Georgetown.Copy !req
1280. And of course,
I'll never forget...Copy !req
1281. the girl next door.Copy !req
1282. As for me...Copy !req
1283. I'm just going with it.Copy !req