1. Welcome to Camp Blue Finch,Copy !req
2. where romance in the sun can turn deadly!Copy !req
3. Best summer ever!Copy !req
4. This is the summer
that's going to change your life.Copy !req
5. Where the days are warm...Copy !req
6. Hey, Nance, that guitar is choice.
- Thanks, Blake. Bitching hair.Copy !req
7. the girls are cool...Copy !req
8. Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?Copy !req
9. the nights are always hot.Copy !req
10. And evil lurks around every corner.Copy !req
11. Gosh, you startled me.Copy !req
12. So, I just go down that path all the way?Copy !req
13. A guy like you can go anywhere he wants.Copy !req
14. And any moment, Billy can strike.Copy !req
15. They won't be singing Kumbaya.Copy !req
16. They'll be screaming Kum Ba No!Copy !req
17. Pack your bags for Camp Bloodbath...Copy !req
18. You just messed with the wrong virgin.Copy !req
19. where the only marshmallow
that will roast is your sanity.Copy !req
20. Well, they'll let me know.Copy !req
21. You know
you're too good for this crap, right?Copy !req
22. The casting director was all like,
'I know you from somewhere.'Copy !req
23. And I went, 'Really? It's probably
my arc on CSI as a bipolar mistress.'Copy !req
24. And he's like, 'No, I got it. Camp Bloodbath.'Copy !req
25. Am I ever going to live that movie down?
I mean, it was 20 years ago.Copy !req
26. Honestly, if you ever become an actor,
don't ever do a slasher flick.Copy !req
27. You wouldn't catch me dead in a movie.
You're the actress here.Copy !req
28. Damn straight. And I'm no actress.
I'm a movie star.Copy !req
29. Mel's?Copy !req
30. Mel's.Copy !req
31. Let's rock and roll.Copy !req
32. So, we owe the electric company
$174.88 by next Monday...Copy !req
33. You remember Frank?Copy !req
34. He told me he was going to take me
to Palm Springs this weekend.Copy !req
35. No message. No text.
- No surprise.Copy !req
36. You know,
it's just he said we were exclusive.Copy !req
37. Well, he said it, he doesn't act like it.Copy !req
38. Whatever. What do I know?Copy !req
39. You must think I'm a total zero.Copy !req
40. Screw him, Mom.
And screw his shady hotel in Palm Springs.Copy !req
41. Oh, my God. Look at you taking care of me.Copy !req
42. What happened to that little girl
I used to dance with in the backyard?Copy !req
43. She grew up and is trying to figure out
where this $174 is gonna come from.Copy !req
44. What are you doing? Are you crazy?Copy !req
45. Our song!Copy !req
46. Mom. We need to figure this out.Copy !req
47. Her hair is Harlowe goldCopy !req
48. Her lips sweet surpriseCopy !req
49. Her hands are never coldCopy !req
50. You're such a dork.Copy !req
51. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
52. Everything in my life, I got wrong.Copy !req
53. But you, I got you right.Copy !req
54. I love you. You know that, right?Copy !req
55. She's pure as New York snowCopy !req
56. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
57. What?Copy !req
58. Nothing.Copy !req
59. Nothing.Copy !req
60. She'll unease youCopy !req
61. All the better just to please youCopy !req
62. She's precocious and she knows justCopy !req
63. What it takes to make a pro blushCopy !req
64. She got Greta Garbo stand off sighsCopy !req
65. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
66. Max, those are really expensive...Copy !req
67. Gertie's here.Copy !req
68. Coming, Aunt Pearl.Copy !req
69. So, when Chris asked you to study,
was he like,Copy !req
70. 'I want you to come study'?Copy !req
71. Or was he like, 'I want you to come.Copy !req
72. 'Study.'Copy !req
73. Please. I'm only going,
so I don't flunk Classics.Copy !req
74. Come on, you know
that he broke up with Vicki last week, right?Copy !req
75. And she is a mess.Copy !req
76. Have you seen the veiled suicide note/poem
she posted on her Facebook page?Copy !req
77. It's so hilarious.Copy !req
78. I read it out loud to myself. A lot.Copy !req
79. Hey, just keep on keeping on.Copy !req
80. What does that even mean?
- Something my therapist tells me all the time.Copy !req
81. You have a therapist?Copy !req
82. Does that help you deal?Copy !req
83. No, not really.
She's a physical therapist, so...Copy !req
84. Okay. So, the myth of Persephone.
Max, you want to take this one?Copy !req
85. Sure.Copy !req
86. She's the daughter of Zeus
and she eats pomegranate seeds,Copy !req
87. and then
Hades kidnaps her to the underworld.Copy !req
88. Yeah. Okay, good.Copy !req
89. So, they go back to the underworld
and Persephone is freaking out,Copy !req
90. and Hermes is like, 'It's okay, it's okay.Copy !req
91. 'Just keep looking forward,
or we'll be stuck here forever.'Copy !req
92. Max, do you want to jot any of this down or...Copy !req
93. No, it's okay, Max. I've already got a copy.Copy !req
94. You can copy from me later
or I can give it to you if you want.Copy !req
95. I'm gonna stop talking.Copy !req
96. Shit.
- Max, hey, wait.Copy !req
97. Did you not get my messages?
- Duncan. No.Copy !req
98. Please, come on. Please.Copy !req
99. Seriously, no.Copy !req
100. The Bath-maticians were so excited
when I told themCopy !req
101. that Amanda Cartwright's daughter
was my sister's best friend.Copy !req
102. Step-sister.
- Why would you say that? That's so hurtful.Copy !req
103. Please, Max, I promised that you'd be there.Copy !req
104. I am the assistant general manager
of the varsity. Think of my reputation.Copy !req
105. Wait. What are 'Bath-maticians'?Copy !req
106. Camp Bloodbath fans.
It's kind of our awesome nickname.Copy !req
107. Did you know that a nickname
immediately becomes uncoolCopy !req
108. when you give it to yourself?
- You know what, Gertie?Copy !req
109. When my dad told me
that I was going to get a sister, I criedCopy !req
110. because that's all I'd ever wanted.Copy !req
111. But not like this. Not like this.Copy !req
112. Don't.Copy !req
113. Look, Camp Bloodbath
is like the granddaddyCopy !req
114. of all campsite slasher films, okay.Copy !req
115. Amazing production design, insane music,
over-the-top acting.Copy !req
116. It's a cult classic.Copy !req
117. Max's mom plays Nancy,
this sort of shy girl-next-doorCopy !req
118. who gives up her butterfly
to some dumb jock,Copy !req
119. and Billy Murphy comes along
and chops her ass up on a waterbed.Copy !req
120. Sorry, Duncan.
Tell your cult, maybe I'll see them next year.Copy !req
121. I'll do all your Classics assignments
for the rest of the year.Copy !req
122. Papers, your homework, all of it.Copy !req
123. Gertie told me that you were failing.Copy !req
124. Please, Max, what do you say?
You wanna graduate, or not?Copy !req
125. Max!Copy !req
126. Gertie!
- You scared me.Copy !req
127. Well, this will be fun.Copy !req
128. Being trapped in a movie theater
with a bunch of nerds.Copy !req
129. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
130. You know what was fun, though?
Watching Chris today, ogle over you.Copy !req
131. Shut up.
- What? That's a word, right? Ogle?Copy !req
132. He likes you so much, it's so cute.Copy !req
133. Gertie. Get real. He's like a giant, okay?
So, imagine us together.Copy !req
134. I'd need stilts to kiss him.
- Hey!Copy !req
135. Hey!
- Hi.Copy !req
136. What are you doing here?
- I figured you needed some moral support.Copy !req
137. Why, should I go?
Because I can if this is weird...Copy !req
138. No, don't be crazy, Christopher.
We're so happy you're here.Copy !req
139. I'm going to go popcorn up, see you inside.Copy !req
140. Wow. Your mom was gorgeous.Copy !req
141. I'm sorry. That's a weird thing to say, isn't it?Copy !req
142. Kind of.Copy !req
143. It's kind of cool we get to
honor her memory this way, right?Copy !req
144. Today's the anniversary of her death.Copy !req
145. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
146. Me neither.Copy !req
147. At least, I get to see her,Copy !req
148. even if she is being chased
by a psycho with a machete.Copy !req
149. Stop, stop, stop.
- Great.Copy !req
150. Hey! What a coincidence!Copy !req
151. This is Tyson.
We've been hanging out and he's so funny.Copy !req
152. My abs are like shredded
from laughing so hard.Copy !req
153. Anyway, Tyson wanted to come here tonightCopy !req
154. and I was like, 'Oh, my God, no.'
But here we are.Copy !req
155. So, you win, Tyson.Copy !req
156. So, you didn't see my post about it,
or anything?Copy !req
157. No, I don't go on your stupid Twitter,Copy !req
158. which, by the way,
has lost three more followers today.Copy !req
159. Anyway, see you guys inside, okay? Go.Copy !req
160. I'm so wiped from all these applications.Copy !req
161. Even my safety schools,
Stanford and Cornell,Copy !req
162. I'm not gonna just half-ass them.
It's just not my style.Copy !req
163. I am lucky
that I even made it out tonight at all.Copy !req
164. Thank you, Adderall.Copy !req
165. Where'd Terry go?Copy !req
166. Terry? Tyson?
- Tyson.Copy !req
167. Yeah, he just got like super-sick super-fast.Copy !req
168. No, not the super-sick super-fast.Copy !req
169. Max, are they doing this
because it's, you know, the anniversary?Copy !req
170. Yeah, I'm here for an appearance.
I didn't think you'd...Copy !req
171. Come on, Max. Of course, I would remember.Copy !req
172. I have really good memory.
It's not just the Adderall.Copy !req
173. Hey, do you want anything?Copy !req
174. I'm gonna go get a popcorn
and then we can dump M&M'S into it.Copy !req
175. That way, every handful is, like,
kind of suspenseful?Copy !req
176. Sure.Copy !req
177. Hey, Chris, I'm just gonna have
a Diet Coke and a child-size popcorn,Copy !req
178. but make sure to dump half of it
into the garbage. You remember, right?Copy !req
179. You know what,
I'm just going to come with you.Copy !req
180. She is the worst.
She's like a living nightmare.Copy !req
181. I can't believe
you used to be friends with her.Copy !req
182. Look, she's probably gonna pee on himCopy !req
183. just to mark her territory.
- Gertie!Copy !req
184. Max!Copy !req
185. Hey, hey, you came.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
186. All hail, Max!Copy !req
187. Sorry, I don't know why
I worshipped you then,Copy !req
188. I'm just excited to see you.Copy !req
189. You're also really weird.
You're very strange and weird.Copy !req
190. I can put you down for the Q&A, right?Copy !req
191. After the show, do a little Q.
- No.Copy !req
192. And a little...Copy !req
193. I'll put you down as a maybe.
Okay, glad you're here.Copy !req
194. Hey, guys, we're here!Copy !req
195. Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.Copy !req
196. Are we there yet?Copy !req
197. You okay?Copy !req
198. Yeah.Copy !req
199. It all happened so long ago.Copy !req
200. Little Billy Murphy
went to camp here decades ago.Copy !req
201. And he was always picked on
for being different, ugly.Copy !req
202. And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,Copy !req
203. the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.Copy !req
204. No one really knows
how Billy was before it happened.Copy !req
205. The counselors hated him,
and the other kids bullied him mercilessly.Copy !req
206. Stop! Go away!Copy !req
207. Billy, open up.
- I know how to get him out.Copy !req
208. Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always gonna remember me.Copy !req
209. What does that tattoo mean?
- It was given to me in juvie.Copy !req
210. I was caught stealing cherries.
I'm a cherry thief.Copy !req
211. Neat.Copy !req
212. Nice legs.Copy !req
213. What time they open?Copy !req
214. Kurt?Copy !req
215. Kurt?Copy !req
216. I'm going to get some air.Copy !req
217. The exits are blocked!Copy !req
218. Duncan, is there an exit behind the screen?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
219. Come on!
- Go, go, go.Copy !req
220. Go, go, go.Copy !req
221. Max!
- Oh, God! What happened?Copy !req
222. Where the hell are we?
- I don't know. Did the theater burn down?Copy !req
223. That was the scariest thing I have ever seen.Copy !req
224. You're alive! Thank God!Copy !req
225. What does poison ivy look like?
Because I think I got...Copy !req
226. Help me.Copy !req
227. Guys, somebody's coming.Copy !req
228. Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?Copy !req
229. Tina!
- Yeah?Copy !req
230. Oh, my God. I'm having a psychotic episode.Copy !req
231. We all saw the same thing, right?
- Maybe it's a dream. A collective dream.Copy !req
232. If this is a dream,
then there's a very strong chanceCopy !req
233. that my dad's going to come up to us naked
and offer us some pecan pie.Copy !req
234. But don't take any. It is not pecan pie.Copy !req
235. Maybe we're dead and this is heaven.Copy !req
236. This can't be heaven.
Max is here and she's Jewish.Copy !req
237. Right. Well, maybe it's Jewish heaven.Copy !req
238. Look!Copy !req
239. Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?Copy !req
240. Yeah. Just keep going the way you're going.Copy !req
241. Wow, okay. Thanks so much.Copy !req
242. We're not dead. We're insane!Copy !req
243. No, we're not.
And I don't think we're in the Valley anymore.Copy !req
244. Is anybody getting any bars?
- No.Copy !req
245. Eight, seven, six, five...Copy !req
246. Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?Copy !req
247. Yeah, actually we're counselors,Copy !req
248. and we can show you
if you'd just give us a ride.Copy !req
249. Rad! Yeah, hop in.
- Tubular!Copy !req
250. Dude, what are you doing?Copy !req
251. Do we have a choice? We're kind of stuck.
Let's go.Copy !req
252. Max.Copy !req
253. Come on, guys.Copy !req
254. You guys coming?Copy !req
255. I can't believe you guys are counselors, too.
We've never had this many before.Copy !req
256. When the kids get here next week,
they're gonna be so pumped.Copy !req
257. Hey, where are you guys' suitcases?Copy !req
258. Because, honestly, your clothes,
they're disgusting.Copy !req
259. Says the guy in the crop top.Copy !req
260. What's up? Are you guys poor people?
Are you guys poor?Copy !req
261. We packed light. Yeah.
What did you pack, Tina?Copy !req
262. The basics, bikini, mouthwash, diaphragm.Copy !req
263. Hell, yeah, you did.
'Cause they're gonna get so naked.Copy !req
264. How did you know?Copy !req
265. Spring break, forever.Copy !req
266. Hey, guys, we're here!Copy !req
267. Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.Copy !req
268. Are we there yet?Copy !req
269. Hi!Copy !req
270. I'm Nancy. What's your name?Copy !req
271. Max.Copy !req
272. First time away from home? It's okay.
It's hard to be away from your parents, huh?Copy !req
273. Best summer ever!Copy !req
274. Yes.Copy !req
275. Well, kiddo, this is the summer
that's going to change your life.Copy !req
276. No kidding.Copy !req
277. Hey, Nance, that guitar is choice.
- Thanks, Blake. Bitching hair.Copy !req
278. Okay. So, we're in the movie.Copy !req
279. How do we get outta here?
- Yeah, I like that question.Copy !req
280. That's a really, really good question.Copy !req
281. Duncan, can you answer
that question, please?Copy !req
282. What are you talking about? It's 1986!
Our homes don't exist yet.Copy !req
283. They're probably just landfills waiting to
be turned into crappy subdivisions.Copy !req
284. We don't exist yet.Copy !req
285. I know for a fact my parents haven't met
because I was an unplanned child.Copy !req
286. Anyone wanna help me
pick some strawberries?Copy !req
287. No, but I'll give you a hand
with those melons.Copy !req
288. Talking about her boobs!
You guys get me, right?Copy !req
289. Yeah, we do, brother.Copy !req
290. Kurt is insatiable.Copy !req
291. Okay, so Mimi's in the woods,
that means everything is right on schedule.Copy !req
292. She hooks up with that hiker.
- But then she gets killed, right?Copy !req
293. Yeah, exactly.
Everyone who has sex in this movie dies.Copy !req
294. It's awesome.Copy !req
295. I got into bodybuilding big time.Copy !req
296. Yeah. Oh, my God, can I touch it?
- Yeah, touch it.Copy !req
297. The backside's just as hard.
Touch the backside.Copy !req
298. That's right. Everyone.Copy !req
299. I'm with Gertie on this one.Copy !req
300. Let's just take their van and bail.
What do we have to lose?Copy !req
301. Yeah, did I say that? I did? Okay.Copy !req
302. We actually probably shouldn't talk to them.Copy !req
303. What's up, funbags?
- Funbags. Right. Yay, feminism.Copy !req
304. Listen, we need to borrow your van
for a little while. Is that okay? Yeah?Copy !req
305. I don't know. What's in it for me?Copy !req
306. How about my friends don't kick your ass?Copy !req
307. This guy's your friend? Yeah, right.
You want to go?Copy !req
308. No, no. God, no.
- Bicep, smash.Copy !req
309. And that would kill you.
That's a karate technique.Copy !req
310. No, I don't. I've never actually
fought anyone before in my life.Copy !req
311. Yeah, well, I have. So many times.Copy !req
312. Seven times.Copy !req
313. Hey, this is so weird.
Do me a favor and just zing me. Just get me.Copy !req
314. Fine. How about you go suck a turd?Copy !req
315. The writing is so bad.Copy !req
316. Okay, tell you what.
You find the keys and the van's yours.Copy !req
317. Really?Copy !req
318. I'm glad that you die.
- What?Copy !req
319. Nothing! What she meant to say was,
that we all die eventually.Copy !req
320. Technically, we start dying
the moment we're born.Copy !req
321. Yeah, right.Copy !req
322. Yes, but not to overwhelm you...
- Okay.Copy !req
323. I liked you
when you were laughing at my jokes.Copy !req
324. Now, I just think you're weird.Copy !req
325. Okay, let's just go get the... Sorry.
Let's go get the keys.Copy !req
326. Hey, you wanna give me a hand?Copy !req
327. Sure.Copy !req
328. All right. Let's rock and roll.
- Oh, my God. It really is you.Copy !req
329. What?
- Nothing.Copy !req
330. All right! Push-up time!Copy !req
331. So...Copy !req
332. Kurt told me he wants to do it later.Copy !req
333. Wow. Just like that?
- I know!Copy !req
334. And it's like, I can't stay a virgin forever,
you know?Copy !req
335. And he's been with a lot of girls,
so he can probably, like,Copy !req
336. I don't know, help me along.Copy !req
337. You shouldn't have sex!
- Why?Copy !req
338. Because I heard that sex can kill you.Copy !req
339. Max. Sex isn't anything to be afraid of.Copy !req
340. I mean, Tina's already done it twice today,
and look at her, she's totally normal.Copy !req
341. She says the best feeling in the world
is getting stoned and doing it on a waterbed.Copy !req
342. Don't hang around Tina.Copy !req
343. No, but I told myself that I was going
to lose my virginity this summer.Copy !req
344. Get drunk! Not necessarily in that order.
- Please, just trust me.Copy !req
345. You sound like my mom.Copy !req
346. Right back at you.Copy !req
347. Hello, hi. We have to go get everyone.
Let's go.Copy !req
348. We will pick this up again.
Is that understood?Copy !req
349. In the meantime, just stay away from Kurt
and keep your shorts on.Copy !req
350. Okay.Copy !req
351. What are you doing?Copy !req
352. Dibs on the one that looks like
Ricky Schroder.Copy !req
353. Their hair's so flat. It's making me sad.Copy !req
354. That girl with the freckles is sort of cute.Copy !req
355. You know, none of them
are on the counselors' roster.Copy !req
356. Where did they come from?Copy !req
357. We are never gonna find these keys.
- Not with that attitude, we're not.Copy !req
358. Though, you are correct.Copy !req
359. Let's go back. Now.
- It's happening.Copy !req
360. We have to warn her.
- No. No.Copy !req
361. Just think of them as animals
on a nature preserve, okay?Copy !req
362. Our duty is not to disrupt, but to observe.Copy !req
363. Gosh, you startled me.Copy !req
364. Sorry, I'm looking for town.Copy !req
365. So, I just go down that path all the way?
- A guy like you can go anywhere he wants.Copy !req
366. I can't believe we're just gonna
casually watch someone get murdered.Copy !req
367. What is this, Detroit?Copy !req
368. What is that noise?
- It's Billy. He's coming.Copy !req
369. Let's get out of here then.
- No, no. Stay, stay.Copy !req
370. Did you hear something?
- Baby, I didn't hear a thing.Copy !req
371. Give me a second. Go over there. Get ready.Copy !req
372. Okay! Where's the beef?Copy !req
373. Come on, man! I said, where's the...Copy !req
374. Run!Copy !req
375. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
376. Guys, guys, wait, wait, wait.
- Duncan!Copy !req
377. What are you doing?
- Duncan.Copy !req
378. It's okay. He won't hurt us.Copy !req
379. He would've killed me by now, okay?Copy !req
380. I think it's because we're not
actually part of the movie,Copy !req
381. he doesn't really know what to do with us.Copy !req
382. Isn't that right, Billy Boy?Copy !req
383. Man, you are big and scary.Copy !req
384. I wonder if all this blood
is just corn syrup, you know?Copy !req
385. Like these characters are walking aroundCopy !req
386. with just corn syrup in their veins,
you know?Copy !req
387. Let's give it a shot here.Copy !req
388. God. No, that is not corn syrup.Copy !req
389. That is... Oh, God, that's blood.Copy !req
390. All the more reason
for us to get the hell outta here.Copy !req
391. No, no. Look, everything in this world
is running exactly on schedule.Copy !req
392. Besides, to leave,Copy !req
393. we probably have to wait
until the movie's over, or something.Copy !req
394. Well, when is that going to happen?Copy !req
395. Okay, look, movies like this end
when the final girl kills the main bad guyCopy !req
396. and the credits roll.
It's actually pretty sick in this one.Copy !req
397. She kicks up the sword
and she kills him with his own macheteCopy !req
398. and she's like... And Billy's like...
It goes right through his hands.Copy !req
399. Like...Copy !req
400. Head splits open. Punches it.Copy !req
401. Brain goes out...
- Duncan!Copy !req
402. Anyway, this smoking hot girl called Paula,Copy !req
403. she arrives in the next reel,
she's the final girl.Copy !req
404. Yeah, she is the only one in this movie
who doesn't die.Copy !req
405. All we've got to do is stick with herCopy !req
406. and we're going to have
the best seats in the house.Copy !req
407. Trust me,
this last battle will blow your minds.Copy !req
408. Okay, selfie time.
- Duncan!Copy !req
409. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
410. I think I almost just pissed my pants.Copy !req
411. You did piss your pants.
- What? No, I didn't.Copy !req
412. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
413. Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.Copy !req
414. You came back! Yay!Copy !req
415. This way!Copy !req
416. Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.Copy !req
417. You came back! Yay!Copy !req
418. What is happening?Copy !req
419. Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.Copy !req
420. You came back! Yay!Copy !req
421. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
422. I don't think Billy's the only problem.Copy !req
423. It's the movie. The movie won't let us leave.Copy !req
424. Michael, row your boat ashoreCopy !req
425. HallelujahCopy !req
426. Michael, row your boat ashoreCopy !req
427. HallelujahCopy !req
428. Sister, help to trim the sailsCopy !req
429. HallelujahCopy !req
430. Sister, help to trim the sailsCopy !req
431. HallelujahCopy !req
432. Jordan's river is deep and wideCopy !req
433. HallelujahCopy !req
434. Got a home on the other sideCopy !req
435. HallelujahCopy !req
436. Come on, everyone. Sing along!Copy !req
437. Duncan is dead. We have to warn them.Copy !req
438. Please. They're morons.Copy !req
439. I wanna know where
they keep the hardware in this dump.Copy !req
440. I want chainsaws and I want big-ass knives,
and I want them now.Copy !req
441. What am I gonna tell our parents?Copy !req
442. I don't want to die here, guys.Copy !req
443. Me neither.
There's got to be a way to get home.Copy !req
444. Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?Copy !req
445. Paula, you're just in time
to start setting up for the slumber party.Copy !req
446. Yeah, we took a vote
and you get to share my sleeping bag.Copy !req
447. Thanks, Kurt. But I'm saving myself
for someone who doesn't have a needle dick.Copy !req
448. Yeah right,
it's like a hammer dick, if anything.Copy !req
449. It's a sledgehammer.Copy !req
450. Who are they?Copy !req
451. They're the new counselors.
They're super nice.Copy !req
452. We don't have new counselors.
- Well, now we do.Copy !req
453. All right, guys,
let's split up into groups and get busy.Copy !req
454. That's her. That's Paula.Copy !req
455. She's the final girl, right?
She's the one that kills Billy.Copy !req
456. We just have to stay with her
till the end of the movie.Copy !req
457. I'm sticking to that bitch like white on rice.Copy !req
458. Okay. Now, we just have
to keep Billy away from us.Copy !req
459. It's just like Duncan said.
The moment a top comes off, Billy shows up.Copy !req
460. Vicki, stick with Paula and Tina.
Gertie, you take Blake. Chris, take Kurt.Copy !req
461. No, I want Chris to stick with me.
- No, we have to cover everyone.Copy !req
462. I'll stick with my mom.
- You know that's not your mom, right?Copy !req
463. Vicki!
- Don't defend her.Copy !req
464. This delusional shit
is gonna get us all killed.Copy !req
465. Look at the pair on her!
I would just motorboat those for hours.Copy !req
466. Yeah, but look at those articles,
I could read those all night long.Copy !req
467. What are you, a fag?
You don't like some nice big hoots?Copy !req
468. Hooting!Copy !req
469. My dads are gay. So, shut the hell up.Copy !req
470. Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids.Copy !req
471. They're too busy going to discos
and having sex with each other.Copy !req
472. It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.Copy !req
473. Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
474. I really like your pin.
- Thank you.Copy !req
475. Where'd you get yours?
- My friends gave them to me.Copy !req
476. Where'd you get yours?Copy !req
477. I made it, actually,
at this prison pen-pal convention thing.Copy !req
478. That's awesome!Copy !req
479. Yeah.Copy !req
480. Hey, what's up with this cassette?
There are no holes in it.Copy !req
481. Give me that.Copy !req
482. What are these?
- No, no. Bad!Copy !req
483. Not for you. Very bad!Copy !req
484. It's too bad all the girls are so busted.Copy !req
485. The only way you or I are going to get any
is with angel eyes over there.Copy !req
486. What? Are you nuts?Copy !req
487. No, no, no.
These girls are slamming, my man.Copy !req
488. And I am going to do all of them.Copy !req
489. Yum! By the way, what's with you and Max?
Are you guys...Copy !req
490. Are you guys having sex?Copy !req
491. Because if not, I wouldn't mind
bench pressing her with my dumbbell.Copy !req
492. Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing
anyone with your dumbbell.Copy !req
493. If I so much hear your dumbbell
took a Pilates class...Copy !req
494. What?
- ... I'm gonna cut it off.Copy !req
495. I swiped a whole case of this stuff
from my uncle before coming.Copy !req
496. I'm gonna need it
if I'm stuck here for the summerCopy !req
497. instead of souping up
this bitching firebird I found in...Copy !req
498. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great.
Where do they keep the chainsaws here?Copy !req
499. What?Copy !req
500. We might want to find out, right?
Where they keep them?Copy !req
501. Because you never know
when you might need a chainsaw.Copy !req
502. Why do we need a chainsaw
for a slumber party?Copy !req
503. I know what's going to go down at this camp,
and it's not pretty.Copy !req
504. So, where's that other guy you came with?Copy !req
505. My brother. Yeah, he's...Copy !req
506. He's napping somewhere.Copy !req
507. Okay, let's go. You want to go? Yeah, let's.
You got all the wood you need.Copy !req
508. Mom, no!Copy !req
509. Get dressed. Now.
- Oh, my God, Max!Copy !req
510. What are you doing here? Get out!Copy !req
511. Nancy, if you go through with this,
you're going to get hurt.Copy !req
512. Kurt said he liked me, okay. He said it.Copy !req
513. Yeah, they always say it,
they just don't act like it.Copy !req
514. God. You must think I'm a total zero.Copy !req
515. I just wanted to feel grown-up, special.Copy !req
516. You are special.Copy !req
517. I'm the shy girl with the clipboard
and the guitar.Copy !req
518. Special to who?Copy !req
519. Special to me.Copy !req
520. Who are you, Max?Copy !req
521. Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always gonna remember me.Copy !req
522. Shit.Copy !req
523. Two for the price of one.
You babes just couldn't wait, could you?Copy !req
524. We're leaving.
- Too late.Copy !req
525. Genie's already out of the bottle.
Make a wish.Copy !req
526. Where's Max?
- I don't know. Do you hear that?Copy !req
527. What'd I say? Leave her alone!Copy !req
528. Lock the windows! Shut the curtains!
He can see us!Copy !req
529. Who is he?Copy !req
530. Max. You have to tell them about Billy.Copy !req
531. Oh, God. He's here.Copy !req
532. Not Billy Murphy? I mean, he's just a legend.Copy !req
533. I love legends.Copy !req
534. Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi. All of them.Copy !req
535. It all happened so long ago.Copy !req
536. Little Billy Murphy went
to camp here decades ago.Copy !req
537. And he was always picked on for being...Copy !req
538. Guys?Copy !req
539. different, ugly.Copy !req
540. And then one summer...
- This is bad.Copy !req
541. the hottest one on record,Copy !req
542. the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.Copy !req
543. What's happening?Copy !req
544. This is... What, are we home?Copy !req
545. God, why am I colorblind?
Am I having a stroke?Copy !req
546. I think we're in a flashback.Copy !req
547. It started as just another ordinary day.Copy !req
548. But little did they know...
- What the hell is that voice?Copy !req
549. something was about to go horribly wrong.Copy !req
550. No one really knows
how Billy was before it happened.Copy !req
551. The counselors hated him,
and the other kids bullied him mercilessly.Copy !req
552. Stop!
- Where'd you get these clothes?Copy !req
553. Guys, that's Billy.
- Come on, Billy.Copy !req
554. Hey, what are you little idiots doing?Copy !req
555. Billy's in there,
and he's been in there forever.Copy !req
556. Billy locked himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe, but he was wrong.Copy !req
557. Billy. Billy, open up.Copy !req
558. I know how to get him out.Copy !req
559. Billy had third-degree burns all over his body
because of the counselors' prank.Copy !req
560. And the only thing that could distract Billy
from his terrible pain,Copy !req
561. was thinking about
what had been done to him.Copy !req
562. And during those long,
agonizing nights in the burn ward,Copy !req
563. Billy's fear was slowly replaced by
something else.Copy !req
564. Hatred.Copy !req
565. His face would never be the same.Copy !req
566. And so, he made a mask
to hide his scars on the outside,Copy !req
567. but his anger grew on the inside.Copy !req
568. All Billy wanted was to make
everyone as afraidCopy !req
569. as he was on that terrible day.Copy !req
570. He started his reign of terror
by returning to exact his revenge.Copy !req
571. He killed eight counselors that night.Copy !req
572. One for every month
he spent in that hospital bed.Copy !req
573. And legend has it Billy still lives
in these woods in his own little shack,Copy !req
574. waiting for new counselors to cross his path,
waiting to get revenge again and again.Copy !req
575. The car! The car!Copy !req
576. Guys, you can't leave! Literally!Copy !req
577. Get up! Get up! Stop! Don't come any closer.Copy !req
578. Okay, just listen. We can explain.Copy !req
579. You can't leave. None of us can.Copy !req
580. Not until he's dead.
- Until who's dead?Copy !req
581. Billy Murphy.
- What?Copy !req
582. Drive! Drive!Copy !req
583. Look, I'm just trying to save you.
- Why? Why are you trying to save me?Copy !req
584. Well, because you're my...Copy !req
585. My first friend here.Copy !req
586. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
587. Help me. I'm not dead!Copy !req
588. Duncan!
You're alive!Copy !req
589. No, you killed Duncan!Copy !req
590. Let's just go to a hotel
and just relax for the nightCopy !req
591. and maybe we can get into something.Copy !req
592. Oh, my God, Kurt! Oh, my God!Copy !req
593. Paula! She's alive!
- Paula, don't move!Copy !req
594. Shit!Copy !req
595. I can't believe they're all dead.Copy !req
596. They were never alive.Copy !req
597. They weren't real. Neither are you.Copy !req
598. Because this is just a movie,Copy !req
599. and Paula was the only one
that could kill Billy.Copy !req
600. We're screwed.Copy !req
601. What does she mean, 'just a movie'?Copy !req
602. So, we're in a movie?Copy !req
603. But this is a horror movie,
and Billy Murphy's really after all of us.Copy !req
604. Why do I have to wear all this stuff again?Copy !req
605. Because you're scripted to do a striptease
at the slumber party,Copy !req
606. and when you take your top off,
Billy comes running.Copy !req
607. But why does he hate my boobs?
Because they're not big?Copy !req
608. So, wait, is new wave real?
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
609. But I'm not real.Copy !req
610. You're only real in the movie.
So, yeah, you're real here.Copy !req
611. Cool.Copy !req
612. Guys, we just wanna get home.
- But, okay...Copy !req
613. But you said
Paula was the only one who could kill him.Copy !req
614. And she just died.Copy !req
615. Exactly. Which is why
we need to nominate a new final girl.Copy !req
616. And I'm willing to be it.Copy !req
617. What?
- Well, you're not a virgin.Copy !req
618. I am, too, a virgin!Copy !req
619. I technically am that...
Whatever, what does it matter?Copy !req
620. Because it just does, Vicki.Copy !req
621. You have to be a virgin in this movie
in order to kill Billy, okay?Copy !req
622. And the only true-blue virgin here is Max.Copy !req
623. I'm not the only virgin.Copy !req
624. Gertie, you're a virgin.
- No. Not anymore.Copy !req
625. Last summer, with that guy Gerry.Copy !req
626. He had the like weird mustache
and he winked, remember?Copy !req
627. Isn't he autistic?Copy !req
628. Yeah. Yeah, he is.
But he's also very romantic.Copy !req
629. Damn, superfreak. I like!Copy !req
630. Okay, let's make a plan.
- Yeah.Copy !req
631. We need to get Billy's machete.
- The one he's holding?Copy !req
632. Yeah. Duncan said
that's the only way to kill him.Copy !req
633. Everything else just slows him down.Copy !req
634. So, we're supposed to
just pry it from his hands?Copy !req
635. Well, we don't really have
any other options. Okay?Copy !req
636. Look, we just have to get
his machete into Max's handsCopy !req
637. so she can chop his head off,
end the movie, and we can all go home.Copy !req
638. No. No way! I can't do this.Copy !req
639. See? She's even saying that she can't do it.Copy !req
640. Vicki! Enough! Jesus!
Can you just shut up for a second?Copy !req
641. God! I can't believe
I put up with you for so long.Copy !req
642. Max, you got this.
- No.Copy !req
643. Max. You can do this.Copy !req
644. If it wasn't for you, we'd all be dead
burning in the theater right now.Copy !req
645. Yeah, and look where I got us.Copy !req
646. I can do it. I can be the final girl.
I'm a virgin, too.Copy !req
647. I didn't sleep with Kurt.Copy !req
648. So, now I guess I'll be able to save myself
for George Michael after all.Copy !req
649. I wouldn't hold your breath, honey.
- Why?Copy !req
650. It doesn't matter.
Nancy, you can't be the final girl.Copy !req
651. It's not in your DNA, or whatever.Copy !req
652. You're the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.Copy !req
653. You get laid and then you die.Copy !req
654. You're just part of the body count.
No offense.Copy !req
655. That came out wrong.Copy !req
656. Thanks a lot.
- Max.Copy !req
657. I was just trying to help.Copy !req
658. Nancy?Copy !req
659. Am I really gonna die?Copy !req
660. Yeah.Copy !req
661. So, I guess I never grow up,Copy !req
662. or fall in love or have kids.Copy !req
663. I had this dream
that when I graduated college,Copy !req
664. I would meet a guy.Copy !req
665. And we'd have a baby. A girl.Copy !req
666. And if she ever needed me,
I would do anything for her. Anything.Copy !req
667. I would've made a really great mom.Copy !req
668. The best.Copy !req
669. God, this totally sucks! It's so bogus!Copy !req
670. I should have known
something was up with this place.Copy !req
671. I mean, think about it.Copy !req
672. What the hell kind of summer camp
has waterbeds?Copy !req
673. What do we do now?Copy !req
674. We fight.Copy !req
675. All right, guys.
No more junior varsity bullshit.Copy !req
676. We gotta lead with a pro-style offense.
Something Billy won't see coming.Copy !req
677. We have to use everything we have
at our disposal.Copy !req
678. I was thinking
the best opportunity for an ambushCopy !req
679. would be the slumber party,
with a few tweaks.Copy !req
680. That means it's just a question of
luring him here at just the right time.Copy !req
681. How are we going to do that?
- I think I have an idea.Copy !req
682. 'Operation Booby Trap?'Copy !req
683. Yup. And Tina's going to be the bait.Copy !req
684. Vicki, are you crying?Copy !req
685. I'm fine.Copy !req
686. Gertie, I'm sorry for that time in junior highCopy !req
687. when I told everyone
to start calling you 'Ba-chunk-adunk.'Copy !req
688. And then I covered your locker in bacon.
That was so crappy.Copy !req
689. And I'm so sorry.Copy !req
690. I'm such a bad person.
- You're not. It's okay.Copy !req
691. If it makes you feel better,Copy !req
692. last summer,
I'm the one who spread the rumorCopy !req
693. that said you had a weird disease
where you're always on your period.Copy !req
694. Wow. That's evil.
- Thank you.Copy !req
695. Hey, Max, if I'm going to die tonight,
then I don't want to die without telling youCopy !req
696. that when your mom died,
you shut down completely.Copy !req
697. And just cut me out of your life.Copy !req
698. And I missed you. I missed our friendship.Copy !req
699. And then you two became best friends
and, I don't know, I got jealous.Copy !req
700. And so, I did some really bad things
and I'm not proud of them.Copy !req
701. Vicki.
- No, no, no, just let me finish, okay.Copy !req
702. I know that I've become a...
- A bitch?Copy !req
703. Yes, thank you. But the thing is, Max,
I've always looked up to youCopy !req
704. because you were always the brave one.Copy !req
705. So, be brave again.Copy !req
706. Vicki, you don't have to die.Copy !req
707. I'm the mean girl in the '80s horror movie.Copy !req
708. And we're past the mid-point, so, you know,Copy !req
709. I'd say that I've overstayed my welcome.Copy !req
710. No, no, no! No. No, Tina.Copy !req
711. Tina, hey. Yeah. No.Copy !req
712. You know not to take off any of your clothes
until we say so, right?Copy !req
713. Yeah.
- No sex.Copy !req
714. How could anyone think about sex
when I have this rad gadget?Copy !req
715. What is this thing, anyway?
- It's a phone.Copy !req
716. Yeah. Please, I'm not that gullible.Copy !req
717. Hello, operator? Yes, I'm trying to make a callCopy !req
718. but I can't because
my phone's not plugged into anything.Copy !req
719. Oh, my God, kill me.Copy !req
720. Guys, it's almost time. Let's get ready.Copy !req
721. Okay.Copy !req
722. How you holding up?Copy !req
723. Been better. How about you?Copy !req
724. I'm really scared.Copy !req
725. Are the arrows ready?Copy !req
726. Yeah, I'm on it.Copy !req
727. 'Adderall.'Copy !req
728. God, your parents
must be freaking out right now.Copy !req
729. You've been gone for hours.
They must be so worried about you.Copy !req
730. Not really. I never knew my dad.
And my mom's away.Copy !req
731. What's she like?Copy !req
732. She was so beautiful and funny.Copy !req
733. She never knew how awesome she was.Copy !req
734. How'd she die?Copy !req
735. I never said she died.
- You said 'was.' So, I just figured.Copy !req
736. It's okay. You don't have to tell me.Copy !req
737. Here, I want you to have this.Copy !req
738. It's a friendship bracelet.
So, you don't forget me.Copy !req
739. How could I ever forget you?Copy !req
740. You know, if this all works out,
I'm really gonna miss you.Copy !req
741. When you go home, I mean.Copy !req
742. God, I sound totally molded. I know
we just met, it's silly for me to say that.Copy !req
743. It's just... I guess it's like,
who am I going to talk to after you leave?Copy !req
744. You know? Tina?Copy !req
745. She's not very smart.Copy !req
746. Maybe you don't have to.
- I don't?Copy !req
747. I mean, I carpool with her to camp,
it's kind of inevitable.Copy !req
748. No, I mean,
maybe you don't have to stay here.Copy !req
749. Look, I know in the movie,
you're supposed to die,Copy !req
750. but that doesn't mean you have to, right?Copy !req
751. Right.
- And if you don't die,Copy !req
752. then that means you'll be around
at the end of the movie, when we leave.Copy !req
753. Right.Copy !req
754. So, then who's to say
you can't just come home with me?Copy !req
755. Oh, my God.Copy !req
756. Where's home?
- The Valley.Copy !req
757. The Valley.Copy !req
758. I don't know, Max, I don't know.Copy !req
759. You're just...
You're kind of blowing my mind right now.Copy !req
760. No, think about it!Copy !req
761. If you come home with me,
you can be whoever you want.Copy !req
762. You don't have to be the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.Copy !req
763. You could be...
- I could, like, go to college.Copy !req
764. And drive a convertible.
- Right. Totally!Copy !req
765. An go shopping at the mall.Copy !req
766. Actually, people don't really shop
at malls anymore. They shop online.Copy !req
767. What's online?Copy !req
768. Never mind, I made that up. Just keep going!Copy !req
769. Okay! I wanna shop online
and I wanna start over.Copy !req
770. You know, I could be different in the Valley.Copy !req
771. What if I don't make it, Max?Copy !req
772. This time, you will.Copy !req
773. Hey, guys.Copy !req
774. Hi. So sorry to interrupt,
but we have a bit of a situation.Copy !req
775. Tina, are you...
- I'm great! I'm amazing!Copy !req
776. She ate your Adderall?
- Tina, hey. Eyes here.Copy !req
777. Yes.Copy !req
778. How many of my Tic Tacs did you have?Copy !req
779. They're not Tic Tacs! And I had three.Copy !req
780. No, 10 or 30!Copy !req
781. It was 30!
- Maybe we need to re-strategize.Copy !req
782. No, no, no. I got this. I got this.Copy !req
783. Tina.Copy !req
784. Are you sure you can...
- Look, man, I got this, all right?Copy !req
785. I got this! I so got this.Copy !req
786. She'll be fine.
I really think she's more focused now.Copy !req
787. Right, Tina?
- Yes!Copy !req
788. Guys. Let's start.Copy !req
789. All right, guys. This is it. Sound off. Ready.Copy !req
790. Ready! Ready! Ready!Copy !req
791. Totem pole?
- Ready!Copy !req
792. Stereo?
- Ready.Copy !req
793. Arrows?
- Ready!Copy !req
794. All right then, Nancy, unleash the beast.Copy !req
795. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's coming. He's coming!Copy !req
796. He's coming!
- Not yet. Wait to move!Copy !req
797. No, no! He's so close!Copy !req
798. Tina!Copy !req
799. Cut the rope!Copy !req
800. Gertie.
- Yeah?Copy !req
801. I love you.Copy !req
802. Screw it.Copy !req
803. Everybody in the kitchen! Now!
Now! Go now!Copy !req
804. It's okay. It's gonna be fine.Copy !req
805. Gertie, come on. Hurry up!Copy !req
806. Go!Copy !req
807. Go, go, go! Go!Copy !req
808. Come on, Nancy. Come on.Copy !req
809. Shit!Copy !req
810. It's stuck!Copy !req
811. We're stuck! We're stuck!Copy !req
812. No!Copy !req
813. Max, it's okay.Copy !req
814. Just go.Copy !req
815. Go.Copy !req
816. What's happening?Copy !req
817. It's slow motion.Copy !req
818. Jump!Copy !req
819. Flashback! Flashback! Flashback!
- What?Copy !req
820. Just say the words!
- What words?Copy !req
821. Billy Murphy was a kid
who went to camp here years ago.Copy !req
822. Tell me the story again! Hurry!Copy !req
823. He was always picked on
for being different, ugly.Copy !req
824. Keep going. Don't stop!Copy !req
825. And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,Copy !req
826. the kids decided to play a little prank on him.Copy !req
827. Where the hell are we?
- A flashback!Copy !req
828. Does that mean we're safe?Copy !req
829. Holy crap, this thing is heavy.Copy !req
830. Guys, where's Billy?Copy !req
831. Billy locked himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe, but he was wrong.Copy !req
832. Oh, my God, that's me!Copy !req
833. That's what I sound like?Copy !req
834. Look at him run!
- Wait.Copy !req
835. Where's Billy going?Copy !req
836. Wait.Copy !req
837. I don't know that part of camp.
I've never seen that cabin before.Copy !req
838. Shit! End the flashback! End it!
- Just skip to the end!Copy !req
839. Legend has it Billy still lives in these woods
waiting for new counselors to cross his path,Copy !req
840. waiting to get revenge again and again.Copy !req
841. Did we leave him there?
- I wouldn't count on it. Let's move.Copy !req
842. Oh, my God! Are you okay?Copy !req
843. Yeah, I'm fine.
- Max!Copy !req
844. Max!
- No!Copy !req
845. Let me go! Let me go!Copy !req
846. She's gone, Max.
- No! She's alive! She's...Copy !req
847. Max, she's gone.Copy !req
848. No. She's not.Copy !req
849. Come on.Copy !req
850. Keep pressure on it. Don't move, I'll be back.Copy !req
851. Max, she's dead.Copy !req
852. She's supposed to die,
just like the rest of them.Copy !req
853. No, she's lived this far into the movie,
longer than she ever has before.Copy !req
854. She's not real.Copy !req
855. None of this is real.
- Yes, she is!Copy !req
856. Max, wait.Copy !req
857. I don't wanna die alone.Copy !req
858. Listen to me. You're not gonna die.Copy !req
859. Nobody else is dying tonight.Copy !req
860. I know exactly where he's taken her.Copy !req
861. Hey, Nancy.Copy !req
862. Max? Max!Copy !req
863. He was right there.Copy !req
864. No!Copy !req
865. Get up!Copy !req
866. Come on, let's get out of here.Copy !req
867. Come on, come on.Copy !req
868. Chris.
- Max, over here.Copy !req
869. Sit down.Copy !req
870. Am I dying?
- No. I know how to fix it.Copy !req
871. You're not the final girl yet, Max.
Because of me. I'm still alive.Copy !req
872. No.
- Yes.Copy !req
873. No! I'm already dying, so you could survive!Copy !req
874. You can be the final girl.
- No, Max. No.Copy !req
875. That's not who
I'm supposed to be, remember?Copy !req
876. I'm just the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.Copy !req
877. Yeah, but you wanted to change that.Copy !req
878. Honey, let me do this.
- No.Copy !req
879. Max, I'm not afraid.Copy !req
880. I wanted to save you.Copy !req
881. Max, you did.Copy !req
882. You did, Max.Copy !req
883. Just by letting me be here with you.Copy !req
884. I've never felt more real
or more alive ever before.Copy !req
885. No.Copy !req
886. No, Mom, you belong at home, with me.Copy !req
887. Look, your name is Amanda Cartwright,
and you live in Encino,Copy !req
888. and you love Bette Davis Eyes
and Mel's Diner.Copy !req
889. And you wanted to be the biggest movie star,
more than anything in the world.Copy !req
890. And you had a daughter.Copy !req
891. You have a daughter.Copy !req
892. I'm not going back without you.Copy !req
893. I don't wanna lose you again.Copy !req
894. Max.Copy !req
895. I'm not lost. I'm right here, all right?Copy !req
896. You'll always know where to find me, okay?Copy !req
897. But you have to let me go.Copy !req
898. You have to let me go.Copy !req
899. Bye, Max.Copy !req
900. I love you.Copy !req
901. That's what I never got to tell her.Copy !req
902. Don't worry.Copy !req
903. Wherever she is, she knows.Copy !req
904. You were right about one thing, you know?Copy !req
905. What?Copy !req
906. I'm a movie star.Copy !req
907. Her hair is Harlowe goldCopy !req
908. Her lips sweet surpriseCopy !req
909. Her hands are never coldCopy !req
910. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
911. She'll turn her music on youCopy !req
912. You won't have to think twiceCopy !req
913. She's pure as New York snowCopy !req
914. She got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
915. And she'll tease youCopy !req
916. She'll unease youCopy !req
917. All the better just to please youCopy !req
918. She's precocious and she knows justCopy !req
919. What it takes to make a pro blushCopy !req
920. She got Greta Garbo stand off sighsCopy !req
921. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
922. She'll let you take her homeCopy !req
923. It whets her appetiteCopy !req
924. She'll lay you on her throneCopy !req
925. She got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
926. She'll take a tumble on youCopy !req
927. Roll you like you were diceCopy !req
928. Until you come out blueCopy !req
929. She's got Bette Davis eyesCopy !req
930. You just fucked with the wrong virgin.Copy !req
931. It's over.Copy !req
932. What is happening?
- I don't know.Copy !req
933. Hold on tight!Copy !req
934. This food is so disgusting.Copy !req
935. Speak for yourself, girl.
This tapioca pudding is incredible!Copy !req
936. You've had like 15 of those
in the last 30 minutes.Copy !req
937. I counted them, 15!Copy !req
938. Little known fact,
I can't stand tapioca pudding.Copy !req
939. Then why did you eat 30 of them?
- Let me eat my feelings in peace.Copy !req
940. Max!
- Hey!Copy !req
941. You're awake!Copy !req
942. When you get a second, try the pudding.Copy !req
943. Wait, where are we?
- We're home.Copy !req
944. But was it a dream or...
- No, not at all!Copy !req
945. Remember?Copy !req
946. That is a machete wound,
poorly stitched by an incompetent doctor.Copy !req
947. I'm actually more concerned about tetanus
because the machete had a bit of rust on it,Copy !req
948. and I did not see the doctor give me a shot.Copy !req
949. Duncan, I love you
and I'm so happy you survived,Copy !req
950. but do you hear yourselfCopy !req
951. when you say things?
- God.Copy !req
952. Do you hear the words in your head first?
- And she's back.Copy !req
953. I feel like the jock at high school
just gave me his promise ring.Copy !req
954. Doctor, stop.
- Come on.Copy !req
955. My shift's almost over.
- I have to do my rounds.Copy !req
956. And what beautiful rounds they are.Copy !req
957. Oh, my God. Of course.Copy !req
958. Of course, what?Copy !req
959. The sequel!Copy !req
960. This is so great! The sequel is
so much cooler than the original.Copy !req
961. Mark.Copy !req
962. Let me just wipe my sweat off
with this tampon.Copy !req
963. Blooper!Copy !req
964. How about you go suck a turd?Copy !req
965. That's perfect, so perfectly bad.Copy !req
966. Like that's Bad. Michael Jackson Bad?
That guy's talented.Copy !req
967. King of Pop.
- Yeah.Copy !req
968. Wasn't expecting that.Copy !req
969. No!
- Shit.Copy !req
970. It's broken!Copy !req
971. Oh, God, you killed Duncan.
You smell great, by the way.Copy !req
972. You killed him!Copy !req
973. I promise I won't tell the cops
if we just go have sex!Copy !req
974. Right now! Now!Copy !req
975. I'm not even scared.Copy !req
976. God, Jesus.Copy !req
977. Chris.Copy !req
978. One more time!Copy !req
979. I've only had sex one time
and it was with my cousin Heather!Copy !req
980. Honestly, that wasn't your fault,
and I won't tell the cops if we have sex.Copy !req
981. Let's...Copy !req
982. Look, Chris,
you and I don't know each other well.Copy !req
983. So, lose the familiarity.Copy !req
984. What a rude little girl you're being.Copy !req
985. She's not like this at home.
She's just showing off.Copy !req
986. You guys have to learn how to not break.Copy !req
987. I'm scared.Copy !req
988. I get it, because
you've only had sex with one personCopy !req
989. and I'm freaking double-digits slayer
over here.Copy !req
990. You probably don't even know this move.Copy !req
991. I feel like I'm walking out like Kramer.Copy !req
992. Jerry.Copy !req
993. Well, all my bones are broken
except for the one.Copy !req
994. I'm actually talking about this arm.
My penis is severely injured.Copy !req
995. It's like split in three different parts.Copy !req
996. Okay, okay, people are dying.Copy !req
997. Oh, my God!Copy !req
998. It's not 'Ew.' It's not 'Ew.'Copy !req
999. Too sexy? Was it too sexy?Copy !req
1000. Impossible.Copy !req
1001. Ever since I was a little boy,
I've dreamed of being the final girl.Copy !req
1002. I want you to come study.Copy !req
1003. One more time.Copy !req
1004. Well, Vicki, you're a virgin.
No, you're not, you're a slut.Copy !req
1005. He had, like, the weird mustache.Copy !req
1006. Yeah, right!
A phone that I can put in my mouth?Copy !req
1007. From the movie.Copy !req
1008. Jesus!Copy !req
1009. All right, see you in there.Copy !req
1010. That's a cut!Copy !req