The Dungeonmaster (1984)

Directed by Steven Ford • Ted Nicolaou • Rosemarie Turko • Peter Manoogian • Charles Band • David Allen • John Carl Buechler

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Jeffrey Byron as Paul Bradford • Richard Moll as Mestema • Leslie Wing as Gwen Rogers • Blackie Lawless as W.A.S.P. Singer / Bassist (segment "Heavy Metal") • Chris Holmes as W.A.S.P. guitar player (segment "Heavy Metal") • Tony Richards as W.A.S.P. Drummer (segment "Heavy Metal") • Randy Piper as W.A.S.P. Guitar Player (segment "Heavy Metal")

Paul, a computer whiz who spends more time with his machine than with his girlfriend, finds that he has been chosen as a worthy opponent for Mestema, an evil wizard who has spent centuries searching for a challenging foe. After having his computer ch...

United States of America • Fantasy • Horror • Thriller • Science Fiction • Mystery

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1. Late for repair appointment.

2. Calhoun Information Systems.

3. Please respond.

4. Repeat. Late for repair appointment.

5. Please respond.

6. - Thanks, Cal.

7. The trouble's in the CPU.

8. We had two others out this week.

9. They leave, it all goes on the blink.

10. I got clients waiting for media quotes,

11. schedules, it all costs money.

12. Vent. C-H-N.

13. How does the world ever get along without computers?

14. It won't be long, Mr. Cahane.

15. Great.

16. They told me you were Xyrex's ace troubleshooter.

17. Oh, yeah?

18. Yeah, this isn't going to take long at all.

19. Oh, thanks, Paul.

20. Hey, listen, I understand you did quite a number

21. over at Winnebe-Cahane today.

22. Yeah, it was nothing.

23. Nothing?

24. God, I'm beat.

25. Hey, look, Paul, why don't I give you a ride home, huh?

26. - Come on. - Don.

27. You know I run every day after work.

28. Hey, it's a way of unwinding at the end of the day.

29. You know, a way of clearing your thoughts.

30. See, you ought a try it some time.

31. Look, we— we could run together after work.

32. What do you say?

33. Run, Paul?

34. I don't think so.

35. When the end of the day comes, all I do,

36. I want someone to take me home in a stretcher.

37. Running, my friend,

38. is absolutely crazy.

39. I'll see you tomorrow.

40. See you later, Don.

41. Start time noted.

42. Okay, guys, that was really nice work.

43. Please remember all this for tomorrow

44. so that we can add it to what we've got, okay?

45. Rehearsal four o'clock tomorrow.

46. Bye.

47. Hi.

48. Paul Bradford account.

49. 3-0-7-4-1 Central Branch withdrawal.

50. $20.

51. - Hi, Cal. - Good evening, Paul.

52. How did the repairs go?

53. Oh, they went fine.

54. Yeah, it's becoming too easy.

55. And how was my time?

56. Three minutes over yesterday.

57. Yeah, I guess I got a lot on my mind.

58. Account overdrawn.

59. Yeah, I know. I'll take care of it in the morning.

60. Paul?

61. - Hi. - Are you going to help, or what?

62. Oh, you got a lot of stuff.

63. - You want some help? - Hurry, hurry.

64. - You want— Oh. - Hurry, hurry.

65. Hey. Wow.

66. I only asked for a swordfish. What, did you buy out the whole store?

67. Hey, look, I bet you you have absolutely nothing

68. in your refrigerator.

69. Somebody's gotta look after you.

70. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

71. Oh, you owe me $26.

72. - I'll pay for the wine. - Um...

73. - Um... - I got a Chardonnay 1980.

74. It goes great with fish—

75. These are for you.

76. Oh, Paul.

77. God, they're beautiful. Thank you.

78. I knew something was up

79. - when I first walked in the door. - Gwen.

80. - You were acting really strange— - Gwen, let's get married.

81. What?

82. Let's get married, I —

83. Look, it'll— it'll be perfect, I— I talked it over with Cal,

84. - it all adds up. - You talked it over with Cal?

85. - Well, yeah, I— - Oh, God.

86. Why did this happen to me?

87. How did I fall for a guy whose first love is a machine?

88. Look, honey, you don't understand.

89. What I developed with Cal, it— it's what gives me an edge.

90. God, every time I think about that experiment

91. that you were involved in and how you were able to link up.

92. Hey.

93. He can't link up the way we can.

94. Marry?

95. That is a big step, Mr. Bradford.

96. And if I'm going to be Mrs. Bradford,

97. I want to know exactly how I stand in relationship to it.

98. - Oh, not so loud. - Oh, my God.

99. - See what I mean? - I'm just kidding.

100. Look, I— I'm not in love with my computer,

101. I am in love with you.

102. I am.

103. You're a good cook.

104. - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

105. Actually, Cal found this great recipe

106. in this metropolitan art museum magazine.

107. Mmm.

108. That's nice of her.

109. Hey, I forgot dessert.

110. Oh, Paul, I don't want dessert.

111. No, you're going to love this.

112. Okay.

113. Da-da.

114. Oh.

115. Hmm?

116. So, you like it?

117. Paul.

118. I love you.

119. This thing with Cal is more than I can live with.

120. You're consumed with a passion.

121. I would just be your wife.

122. So, what's wrong with that?

123. Nothing, except I want more.

124. I want to be a part of your life.

125. You will.

126. You are.

127. Come here.

128. Come on.

129. - What? - Sit down.

130. Cal, check your data on marriage to men with careers

131. by women with intelligence, beauty, and hard heads.

132. Stop it. I'm not some stupid little kid.

133. I have just as much brain power as you do.

134. Probable outcome, success.

135. Let's go to bed.

136. At least that's one place I know I'll have all of your attention.

137. Gwen?

138. Gwen!

139. Gwen.

140. Gwen?

141. Gwen.

142. Gwen?

143. Gwen.

144. - Gwen: Paul! - Gwen?

145. Gwen.

146. Paul, help me.

147. Look, let's just— Let's piece this together, okay?

148. - Uh— - Paul, these are real chains.

149. All right, now, well, we were asleep...

150. and, uh... and I had this dream.

151. I don't believe this.

152. You...

153. are a worthy opponent for Mestema.

154. Now you have all power centered on you.

155. You may call on your machines.

156. Your magic machines.

157. Anytime, anywhere in your world.

158. Kneel.

159. By the power of the prince of darkness!

160. I dub thee...

161. Excalibrate.

162. Rise, Excalibrate.

163. Excalibrate.

164. Cal.

165. X-Cal-BR8.

166. Mestema equals Beelzebub, Belial,

167. Satan.

168. Excellent.

169. Yours is a magic I have never encountered.

170. Actually, uh...

171. It's not magic.

172. Uh...

173. It's— It's man's ability to— to take science

174. in order to—

175. For a thousand years,

176. I have scoured the Earth and the ages.

177. Here and there, I found a minor challenge.

178. But now... there is you.

179. You and your machines.

180. The new magic.

181. Now, here is how it will be.

182. I, Mestema...

183. have devised seven challenges.

184. Lose one...

185. just one...

186. and I shall have both your souls.

187. Paul, what if this thing is real

188. and we can't get out of here?

189. Hey, look, uh... Look, I'm Paul Bradford

190. from Xyrex.

191. Paul?

192. Are you there, Paul?

193. Gwen.

194. Gwen, I'm over here.

195. Where? I can't see you.

196. Just stay put. I'll find you.

197. But it's cold.

198. Paul, where are we?

199. It looks like Mestema's private art gallery.

200. Oh, my God, that's Einstein.

201. Oh, there's Bloody Mary.

202. What a weird combo.

203. It looks like Louis XVI.

204. Isn't he the one who invented the guillotine?

205. No.

206. But he lost his head to one.

207. Oh, Paul, I don't like this place.

208. It gives me the creeps.

209. Yeah.

210. It looks like every criminal in the world is here.

211. - Paul?

212. M-My hands are freezing.

213. I can't feel a thing.

214. - Just hang in there, Gwen.

215. I think I see you.

216. Paul? My legs are frozen.

217. I can't move my feet.

218. Just— Just keep cool.

219. - Cool. - But— But Paul, I'm freezing all over.

220. Don't leave me here.

221. I'll be right the—

222. Paul?

223. What is it, my dear Gwen?

224. Would you like me to...

225. warm you up?

226. Shall I raise the temperature?

227. Paul, is that you?

228. Paul. No!

229. Paul!

230. No.

231. - Paul.

232. - Go. - Paul, what are we going to do?

233. - Cal?

234. - No. - Ice crystal, where's the ice crystal?

235. What ice crystal? We're going to die.

236. Pick.

237. Your performance was quite good, Excalibrate.

238. Where is she?

239. Where is Gwen?

240. Trust me.

241. Yeah, well, I don't think so, Mestema.

242. All right, all right, I'll— I'll play your game.

243. You're playing because you have no choice.

244. Good point.

245. Where is Gwen?

246. Isn't love grand?

247. No.

248. Greetings, Excalibrate.

249. Welcome to my domain.

250. I am Ratspit, caretaker of the dead.

251. - Dead? - Yes.

252. I control these discarded husks that once contained the human soul.

253. Why am I here?

254. To test you against that which every man must face:

255. - Death.

256. Well done. I commend your abilities.

257. So, uh...

258. I met your challenge.

259. Can I get out of here now?

260. Gaze upon it.

261. It is your own death

262. at the hands of Mestema.

263. What's this?

264. You give up so easily?

265. Not at all.

266. It comes for you.

267. You're wrong, Spitrat.

268. Ratspit.

269. How— How is it that you can destroy that,

270. which is your own destiny?

271. That creature was not my destiny.

272. Mestema has perceived it.

273. That thing was only a culmination of future possibilities.

274. In a future reality.

275. I shall destroy you.

276. I reject your reality

277. and I substitute my own.

278. You are a bold adversary.

279. Oh, my God, Paul.

280. Gwen, are you okay?

281. No, I'm not okay.

282. I'm having a very bad dream

283. and you just happen to be in it.

284. - Lovely creature.

285. Keep her out of it, Mestema.

286. Keep her out of it.

287. Paul, don't push your luck.

288. Do you fancy music?

289. This is a piece of my own composing.

290. You like this noise?

291. You should have your fill of it.

292. Paul.

293. I'm a liar

294. And I'm a cheat

295. I have no morals

296. And I'm a thief

297. Pillage and plunder

298. Curse those who enter

299. I am the killer

300. And tormentor

301. I'm a sinner

302. I kiss the breast

303. I am a sadist

304. That whips the flesh

305. I'll beat the women

306. Take those who enter

307. You'll be molested

308. I'm tormentor.

309. No!

310. Paul!

311. Paul!

312. Tormentor

313. Tormentor

314. - Tormentor

315. Tormentor

316. Tormentor.

317. No!

318. Congratulations, Excalibrate.

319. You performed magnificently.

320. Now, let us continue our conversation.

321. We've got nothing to talk about.

322. Nonsense.

323. We have arts,

324. history, myths, love, hate, magic.

325. Yeah, well, I only talk about those things

326. with people, Mestema.

327. - Paul, be careful. - You know what you are?

328. You're the lowest of the low.

329. You use people for your own... entertainment.

330. Your own little whims and fancies.

331. - You're an egotistical, overbearing—

332. That is no way to penetrate this barrier.

333. It is the strength of a million souls.

334. The power of the dead.

335. Oh, Paul.

336. You have spirit, woman.

337. Why waste your tender youth?

338. Your supple body?

339. He is a mere child.

340. Not from where I'm standing.

341. It looks like you got more than you bargained for.

342. How... quaint.

343. Alert.

344. - Alert.

345. Hey!

346. Sensing presence of occult power.

347. - Cal: Scanning data bank.

348. Tammock, origin lndonesia.

349. Do you really know this man?

350. I have a proposition for you, Excalibrate.

351. Your freedom for, uh...

352. So, that's it?

353. Paul, he wouldn't. Not even one minute even consider.

354. - Would you, Paul? - Say the word, and it ends.

355. The word is, "Forget it."

356. Let me see, let me think.

357. What would tempt you?

358. I offer you freedom.

359. And wealth sufficient to create your own empire.

360. In return...

361. I'd say I know him pretty well, Mestema.

362. Oh?

363. Foul.

364. Three for one, my best offer.

365. Yours, for as long as you can tolerate the ecstasy.

366. Paul?

367. Good try, Mestema.

368. Yeah, damn good try.

369. You're a fool!

370. I don't think so.

371. Anyway, you know what they say.

372. "There's no fool like an old fool."

373. Excalibrate.

374. I'm touched by your grief.

375. But you have no time to waste.

376. The paper you read is tomorrow's headline.

377. Your Gwen is alive.

378. For now.

379. You have one hour to find and save her

380. from his cold, sharp blade.

381. Get my point?

382. Accessing police files.

383. Want to tell me what you're doing here?

384. - What we got here?

385. - Huh, come here, turn around. - Look, I know

386. this doesn't look very good, but I can explain.

387. Sure, like Halloween, right?

388. - Look— - Freeze.

389. - We got a body. - Put your hands behind your back,

390. - come on, lean over. - Hold on, hold on.

391. - Freeze. - Come on, get the cuffs on him.

392. - Come on. - Guys, you don't understand.

393. There's going to be another murder.

394. Come on, we gotta stop it.

395. 5-Adam-49, requesting supervisor and back-up units

396. in an alley behind 304 West 21st.

397. So, what are you supposed to be in that outfit?

398. Gumby?

399. I wonder where Pokey is.

400. - Yeah. - Listen, that reminds me,

401. Lucille's sister is coming into town this weekend.

402. Gwen?

403. - Gwen! - Hey!

404. - Hey, hey, shut up! - Gwen!

405. What do you think you're doing back there, my friend?

406. - Woman on radio: Yeah, go ahead. - Uh...

407. - Yeah.

408. This costume's kind of itchy.

409. - Officer: Yeah? - You guys got a back scratcher on you?

410. Hey, you're a funny guy. Now, shut up.

411. So, what's this you're reading?

412. - Officer #2: It's a book.

413. What's it about?

414. - A future. - And this book tells you the future?

415. - Get out. - Woman on radio: 10-4, stand by.

416. Ouch!

417. This car's got a bumpy ride.

418. You guys could use some new shocks.

419. What am I eating?

420. - What? - What am I eating?

421. - Donuts. - What kind of donuts?

422. Officer #2: The jelly donut.

423. I hate jelly donuts, man.

424. - Officer #2: You didn't tell me. - Officer: I never eat jelly donuts.

425. Officer #2: Tell me next time.

426. - Officer: Shut up.

427. This thing's kind of drafty.

428. Shut up.

429. Officer #2: This guy's somethin'.

430. You're somethin'.

431. I ask for any kind of plain donut, you give me a jelly donut.

432. Yo, where'd he go?

433. How'd he get out of here?

434. Julie Waters, age 23,

435. actress.

436. Oh, let me help you with these.

437. Oh, no, thanks. I— I got 'em.

438. - You're a performer. - Yeah, I'm late.

439. Good luck.

440. Probable location for next murder:

441. vacant lot, 654 South Swall Dr.

442. 7/10ths of a mile.

443. Alternate location: abandoned auditorium location,

444. - 2133 Lexington.

445. Vacant lot.

446. Auditorium.

447. - Dancing. - Cal: The distance...

448. is 1.1 miles.

449. ETA, five minutes.

450. Suspect seen headed east—

451. Woman on radio: on 5th Street. All units respond.

452. Are they still holding the auditions?

453. Hurry, they just finished.

454. - Hey. - There's going to be a murder,

455. call the police.

456. Sixty seconds to challenge termination.

457. Oh, my God, Paul.

458. - Are you okay? - Oh, God, he tried to kill me.

459. I— He followed me to the audition, and then afterwards,

460. I was getting dressed, and I—

461. I got the part. I got the part.

462. Five seconds to challenge termination.

463. - Hey, did you see what I saw? - Nope.

464. Me neither.

465. Paul, I don't think I can go through this anymore.

466. We'll make it.

467. Look, when this is all over, what if he doesn't let us go?

468. Trust me.

469. Paul, I think we're missing something.

470. This whole contest thing,

471. there's more in it for him or else he would've just zapped us.

472. What is that word, "zapped?"

473. It's a magic word, Mestema.

474. If I were to zap you.

475. Hear me, Baal-baelum.

476. Hear me, incubus Astaroth.

477. Abbadon, Mammon.

478. - If I so wished,

479. it would destroy you.

480. Great.

481. Paul?

482. No.

483. No way, Mestema.

484. - You can forget it. - Paul?

485. I'm gonna regret this.

486. Warning, thermonuclear activity.

487. Paul!

488. Gwen?

489. So, this is the challenge, huh?

490. Do I even need the computer for this?

491. I suppose this is my idea, right?

492. Scan reflection, program rendered.

493. A totally unstable condition exists.

494. The chances of hitting the target

495. with a controlled strike are zero.

496. You didn't listen.

497. You would've won by simply walking out of the cave.

498. I didn't know.

499. I had no idea.

500. I, too, transgressed,

501. and was banished to this cave.

502. I'm sorry.

503. if there's something...

504. Anything I can do...

505. You've done it.

506. Yeah.

507. I remember when I was a lad.

508. We found a cat.

509. It was scavenging in an alley.

510. We covered it in cold tar.

511. Except for the face and the eyes.

512. And then we lit the tail.

513. What a sight. I shall never forget it.

514. A howling torch, streaking across a field.

515. It turned and spun

516. in a series of wild gyrations and leaps.

517. And finally...

518. into a twitching mass.

519. Its insides burst forth in wet sputters.

520. Its eyes bulged

521. to the size and the brilliance of agates.

522. Animals can be such fun.

523. Ahimsa.

524. Where did you hear that word?

525. Ahimsa. Respect for every living being.

526. For every creature that can feel.

527. What conceit, what hypocrisy.

528. You mortals think you are so full of heart

529. and soul and love and kindness.

530. You think your god

531. looks down on you with tenderness and mercy?

532. You're mistaken, my friend.

533. It is humanity,

534. not the devil, that is red in tooth and claw.

535. It is your god that rains down terror on you.

536. You have no heart and no soul, Mestema.

537. And that's why you're bored.

538. That's why your immortality is Hell.

539. Prepare for the end.

540. Alone at last.

541. Yeah, like the last people on Earth.

542. Well, at least you're not chained to the rock.

543. - Nice outfit.

544. Yeah, another Mestema original.

545. - Where are we?

546. Cal?

547. Scan communication frequencies.

548. - See if you can find out where we are.

549. - Cal: Scanning. - Hey, don't leave me.

550. Scan shows inhabitants hostile.

551. Terrific.

552. Warning, frequency scan intercepted

553. by local military.

554. - Military hostile.

555. What do we do now? Ask Cal.

556. Cal, prepare laser mode.

557. Boy, oh, boy.

558. Oh, boy. We got you now.

559. We got you, I got him here.

560. Come on, you guys. Let's go, let's kill him.

561. Let's kill him now. Come on.

562. Uh... could you guys show us the way to the Las Vegas Hilton?

563. - Oh.

564. - Let's get him now.

565. Let's get him. Let's kill him.

566. - Hey, come on.

567. - Hey.

568. Small soldier: What is that thing?

569. Come on, let me see it, what is it?

570. I want to kill him, I want to kill him.

571. - Cal, still in laser mode? - Come on, let me see.

572. - Affirmative. - What is that?

573. Give it to me. Come on, I was here first.

574. I want to see it. Come on, give it to me.

575. Okay, then I'm going to shoot them.

576. I'm gonna shoot them both.

577. I want you to give it to— Come on, come on.

578. C-Come on.

579. Cal, three coordinates.

580. 28 degrees x-axis.

581. 1-8-3, 2-8-4, 3-1-6.

582. Fire.

583. Paul, do you know where you're going?

584. The Las Vegas Hilton?

585. Oh, boy.

586. Oh, my God.

587. It's the little guy.

588. Why, you little creep.

589. Yee-haw!

590. All right, Mestema, enough is enough.

591. Hey, what are you doing?

592. Good shot, huh?

593. Whoo.

594. What is it?

595. We're out of control.

596. Cal, what's going on?

597. Remote control.

598. Well, jam the signal. Override the remote.

599. Remote control is not conventional.

600. Mestema.

601. Sensors show second vehicle.

602. - Trajectory... - Paul.

603. Identical to yours.

604. Opposite direction.

605. Mestema!

606. The game is over.

607. You call this a contest, Mestema?

608. I do all the fighting while you sit around

609. like some fat overlord waiting to see how I fare.

610. A real contest is one man against one man.

611. But then, you've never been in a real battle before.

612. You have spirit.

613. And all you have is your magic.

614. My magic is powerful.

615. All powerful.

616. It can do anything!

617. Except relieve you of your boredom.

618. I have seen a thousand plagues.

619. A thousand wars.

620. And I will be here when you are dust.

621. So, you finish me off, then what?

622. Another thousand years of boredom?

623. Mestema, I know what you want.

624. But you're not going to get it sitting on the sidelines

625. watching some worthy opponent have all the fun.

626. Only mortals who risk losing can know real excitement.

627. I, the Excalibrate, challenge you to a real contest.

628. You have some trick up your sleeve, eh?

629. One man against one man.

630. In this arena.

631. No magic.

632. No tricks.

633. Paul, he's a giant.

634. You can't possibly win.

635. It is a trick, I know it's a trick.

636. Trust me.

637. What are the conditions? What are the rules?

638. No rules, except that we go free.

639. Get up!

640. - Yes. Get him!

641. No!

642. Cal!

643. - You okay? - Yeah.

644. - Oh, God.

645. Oh, we're home.

646. - Yeah. - We won.

647. - Hello, Paul. I'm back.

648. I'm not so sure.

649. Yes.

650. - Yes? - Let's get married.

651. Let's get what?

652. Well, I talked it over with Cal and it all adds up.

653. Paul, is that you?

654. Paul?

655. Mestema!