1. You know in life when...Copy !req
2. when something disastrous happens,Copy !req
3. you go back and replay everythingCopy !req
4. and you see where it went wrong?Copy !req
5. You're tryin' to figure it out.Copy !req
6. You're sifting through all the little things,Copy !req
7. all of the details.Copy !req
8. One of the details was this house plantCopy !req
9. which I picked up at Trader Joe's.Copy !req
10. Another was purchasing this bottle of poison.Copy !req
11. And then there was...Copy !req
12. this kidney,Copy !req
13. some sleeping pills,Copy !req
14. this transaction at the bank and...Copy !req
15. clicking onto this adult internet siteCopy !req
16. which I had spent many, many hours enjoying.Copy !req
17. But after all was said and done,Copy !req
18. you could say my downfall really beganCopy !req
19. on a fairytale kind of day...Copy !req
20. when my wife and I
started talking aboutCopy !req
21. having a second child.Copy !req
22. The thing was our house.Copy !req
23. It had two bedrooms and we wanted to expand itCopy !req
24. to make room for a new nursery.Copy !req
25. So off I went toCopy !req
26. the Department of Building and Safety,Copy !req
27. where I'd be told that our
plans were not to codeCopy !req
28. and be given this variance hearing request form.Copy !req
29. And although I'm the only one to blameCopy !req
30. for the whole big mess you're about to see...Copy !req
31. still I wish
I'd known upfrontCopy !req
32. about this plate of cheese and salami.Copy !req
33. Hey, lookin' good.Copy !req
34. Muy bien, amigos.Copy !req
35. Can I have everybody's attention, please?Copy !req
36. Quiet, quiet, please.
My gorgeous wifeCopy !req
37. would like to pontificate
about the happy couple.Copy !req
38. - Thank you, thank you.
- Sweetheart.Copy !req
39. Uh, you guys have now been marriedCopy !req
40. for ten years,Copy !req
41. which is a very, very, very long time.Copy !req
42. Very, very, very long time.Copy !req
43. - In a good way.
- In a great way.Copy !req
44. Uh-huh.
And, um...Copy !req
45. we just really wanna say congratulations.Copy !req
46. Jeff, you are...Copy !req
47. one of my oldest and dearest friends,Copy !req
48. and I'm so happy that you're this lucky in love.Copy !req
49. - To Jeff and Nealy!
- To Jeff and Nealy!Copy !req
50. Ten more years!Copy !req
51. Nealy.Copy !req
52. Remember when we were
twenty-two?Copy !req
53. We used to F-U-C-K
like three times a day.Copy !req
54. What do you say,Copy !req
55. when you get little buddy guy into his bed,Copy !req
56. we go relive our youth in ours?Copy !req
57. You know, I...Copy !req
58. I had so many of those, um,Copy !req
59. Copper River salmon finger foods.Copy !req
60. I just...Copy !req
61. I really think I'd puke.Copy !req
62. Hey, babe.
Thanks for clicking me.Copy !req
63. My name is Jasmine Jane.Copy !req
64. I think of myself as a tasty fruitCopy !req
65. and I would love to make your banana cry.Copy !req
66. Nealy.Copy !req
67. Come here.Copy !req
68. Whoa.Copy !req
69. What did this?Copy !req
70. No idea.Copy !req
71. Hey, Jeff!
You think maybe it's gophers?Copy !req
72. Nealy.Copy !req
73. It's raccoons.Copy !req
74. Buenas dias, Senor Lang.Copy !req
75. Hey, how's it going, Alma?
You all right?Copy !req
76. - I'm going inside, too.
- You're gonna go inside? OK.Copy !req
77. Will you say bye to me first?Copy !req
78. I gotta go, I gotta go to work.Copy !req
79. Ahhh.Copy !req
80. All right, have fun today, OK?Copy !req
81. - OK.
- OK, I love you.Copy !req
82. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
83. Sorry.Copy !req
84. Hi, Traci.Copy !req
85. - Hey, Dr. Lang.
- How you doin'?Copy !req
86. - Good.
- Good to see you.Copy !req
87. Thank you.Copy !req
88. Good shot, Doc.
Keep takin' that!Copy !req
89. Hey, good playin' tonight,
Doc. You were on fire.Copy !req
90. Thanks, man.
What happened to you?Copy !req
91. You were lookin' sluggish out there.Copy !req
92. Well, that'll happen when you're 50Copy !req
93. and workin' double shifts to make ends meet.Copy !req
94. But if you wanna hit the weight room right now,Copy !req
95. we can see which one of us is stronger.Copy !req
96. Oh... no, no, no, no.
I don't wanna embarrass you.Copy !req
97. All right, Doc.Copy !req
98. So we got a notice from the DepartmentCopy !req
99. of Building and Safety this morning.Copy !req
100. It turns out the city wouldn't even considerCopy !req
101. our variance request.Copy !req
102. - Oh.
- Yeah. But...Copy !req
103. I say screw it.Copy !req
104. We go ahead without the permit.Copy !req
105. Yeah, but what if we get caught?Copy !req
106. I mean, wouldn't we have to
tear it all out and redo it?Copy !req
107. It would cost like twice as much.Copy !req
108. I'm sure we could avoid getting caught.Copy !req
109. What if the whackadoodle neighbor complains?Copy !req
110. The whackadoodle neighbor.Copy !req
111. Well...Copy !req
112. I think we can persuade her not to.Copy !req
113. Hello.Copy !req
114. Hello, Dr. Lang.Copy !req
115. - I was just stopping by...
- Quiet, Steven!Copy !req
116. Sorry.Copy !req
117. No problem.Copy !req
118. So, the reason I was stopping by isCopy !req
119. we're planning on doing a little
home improvement next doorCopy !req
120. and I wanted to apologize
for any inconvenience in advanceCopy !req
121. and give you this as a token of my appreciation.Copy !req
122. It's a beautiful plant.Copy !req
123. A lovely flower.Copy !req
124. Well, I really tried to pick out
just the perfect one.Copy !req
125. Well...Copy !req
126. I should probably
skedaddle.Copy !req
127. Bye.Copy !req
128. Look!
There's Daddy!Copy !req
129. Watch your step.Copy !req
130. Now when these little suckers
run down this tree...Copy !req
131. I can hear them coming
and I can run outsideCopy !req
132. and scare the living
S-H-I-T out of them.Copy !req
133. Great.Copy !req
134. Are the raccoons up there?Copy !req
135. Daddy thinks they're up there.Copy !req
136. That's why Daddy is spreading
stinky coyote urineCopy !req
137. all over to scare them off,Copy !req
138. even though we've got tons of
real coyotes all over the place.Copy !req
139. Actually, it's mountain lion urine.Copy !req
140. Higher up on the food chain,Copy !req
141. and I think it smells delicious.Copy !req
142. Hey, you know, maybe we should
think about putting inCopy !req
143. a series of pathways and pocket gardens,Copy !req
144. like out front, and not give the
raccoons anything to turn over.Copy !req
145. Go.Copy !req
146. Hey! Drop that!Copy !req
147. Stop!Copy !req
148. Come on!Copy !req
149. Fucker!Copy !req
150. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
151. Hey, Lincoln, what's up?
Where is everybody?Copy !req
152. Don't know, Doc.
No one showed up yet.Copy !req
153. How's the baby business?Copy !req
154. - It's good.
- Yeah?Copy !req
155. - Yeah.
- Gotta warm up.Copy !req
156. How's everything for you?Copy !req
157. You, uh, you still workin' at that nightclub?Copy !req
158. Oh, no.Copy !req
159. Quit that a while back, too much strife.Copy !req
160. Working for the, uh,
Manufacturers Mineral Company...Copy !req
161. hauling, uh, rocks and gravel.Copy !req
162. It's been cool.Copy !req
163. I was gonna ask you about that shirt,Copy !req
164. - but it says "Leonard" on it.
- That's my name, Doc.Copy !req
165. Lincoln's just a nickname my
teammates gave me in college.Copy !req
166. - Basketball teammates?
- Yep.Copy !req
167. They used to call me "Link"Copy !req
168. because, uh, when I joined the squad,Copy !req
169. fellas said they no longer had
a weak link in the lineup.Copy !req
170. Then that became "Lincoln,"Copy !req
171. because I led 'em out of the
slavery of a third place team.Copy !req
172. I guess it doesn't surprise me
you were such a stud in college.Copy !req
173. - Yeah?
- When we first started playing together,Copy !req
174. - before you got old and slow.
- Oh, damn, man.Copy !req
175. I, uh, I thought you played well
enough to have been pro.Copy !req
176. I almost did, Doc, but it wasn't in the cards.Copy !req
177. Huh. Why not?Copy !req
178. Well, I'll tell you the story
if you want to hear it.Copy !req
179. - Yeah, sure.
- All right.Copy !req
180. Whoo. Good shot.Copy !req
181. It was my sophomore year...Copy !req
182. and we had a real good team.Copy !req
183. I mean, real good.Copy !req
184. We had, uh, just won the big game.Copy !req
185. - Clinched our conference.
- Wow.Copy !req
186. And, uh... damn.Copy !req
187. It was like a dream, Doc.Copy !req
188. Like a real dream.Copy !req
189. They get in this huge
car accident and that's it.Copy !req
190. That's it.
His career's over.Copy !req
191. It's like overCopy !req
192. and like right, right
when he would turn pro, too.Copy !req
193. It's, it's, it's like a crusher.Copy !req
194. He's always got these pieces
of gauze taped to his arm.Copy !req
195. Turns out the poor guy's got kidney failure.Copy !req
196. Jesus.Copy !req
197. It's amazing how you can know
someone for so long,Copy !req
198. but you never really know 'em.Copy !req
199. Wow.Copy !req
200. He's got these terrible, cracked teeth.Copy !req
201. I was thinking about paying
for him to go to the dentist,Copy !req
202. but I don't know.Copy !req
203. Well, you know, if his passion's
really basketball...Copy !req
204. - Mmm.
- ... you should talk to Ron's sisterCopy !req
205. about that school she runs.Copy !req
206. Maybe they have a coaching job open.Copy !req
207. That's not a bad idea.Copy !req
208. Hi.Copy !req
209. Sorry to bother you,
Dr. Lang,Copy !req
210. but when your guys broke
through your wall the other dayCopy !req
211. a bunch of dust got into my house.Copy !req
212. Oh. I'm really sorry
about that.Copy !req
213. I also, I, I noticed that you'reCopy !req
214. expanding your front room towards our house.Copy !req
215. - Right.
- I looked it up for me on the internet.Copy !req
216. The code is to leave a five foot passage.Copy !req
217. What can I do?Copy !req
218. You can't see it anymore because I spent hoursCopy !req
219. cleaning everything with
white vinegar and a toothbrush.Copy !req
220. But you can see it on the TV here.Copy !req
221. Oh.Copy !req
222. Wow, well, I can have the guys
working on my projectCopy !req
223. come by and clean up for you.Copy !req
224. I hardly think that a, a laborerCopy !req
225. who hammers and saws all day would knowCopy !req
226. how to clean my house.Copy !req
227. Yeah, you might be right about that.Copy !req
228. And this has been very, very hard on me.Copy !req
229. I mean, with all this dust just,
it's just floating around.Copy !req
230. Just look!
It's everywhere! See?Copy !req
231. It's everywhere!
Here, you see it?Copy !req
232. I mean, you're a doctor.Copy !req
233. You've heard of environmental illnesses.Copy !req
234. - Sure, I've heard of 'em.
- That's, that's why I keep thisCopy !req
235. basil leaf pinned to my lapel.
It purifies the air.Copy !req
236. My naprapath suggested it.Copy !req
237. It's been a lifesaver.Copy !req
238. Well, I'm very happy to pay for
a professional cleaning serviceCopy !req
239. if you need it.
Whatever the cost.Copy !req
240. You give me the bill, I'll write the check.Copy !req
241. I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
242. That's very nice of you.Copy !req
243. Not at all.Copy !req
244. All right, I should get goin', so...Copy !req
245. - Dr. Lang?
- Yeah?Copy !req
246. I heard you last night...Copy !req
247. try to scare away
your raccoons.Copy !req
248. Oh, I'm sorry about that.Copy !req
249. That's OK.Copy !req
250. I don't sleep much anyway.Copy !req
251. - You don't sleep?
- No.Copy !req
252. I get a little every few weeks, but...Copy !req
253. basically
I'm a night creature.Copy !req
254. Huh.Copy !req
255. Well, I could get you some samples of AmbienCopy !req
256. from the office.
It might help with that.Copy !req
257. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
258. You know what?Copy !req
259. I'll drop 'em in your mailboxCopy !req
260. when I get home from work.Copy !req
261. Nealy!Copy !req
262. Wow, this stuff is burning the skin of my handCopy !req
263. just touching it!Copy !req
264. I doubt a raccoonCopy !req
265. is gonna come back hereCopy !req
266. after he snorts up a nose full of this.Copy !req
267. So... I read online today
about this guy...Copy !req
268. he sticks a barrel
into his grassCopy !req
269. and he throws steaks in, and during the night,Copy !req
270. the raccoons, they jump in,Copy !req
271. but they can't climb out.Copy !req
272. He runs a hose from his garage out
of the tailpipe from his car,Copy !req
273. he sticks a lid on and asphyxiates them.Copy !req
274. You know, I really don't feel
like talking about thisCopy !req
275. five nights a week.Copy !req
276. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to bore you.Copy !req
277. We should re-landscape
without sod,Copy !req
278. like I keep telling you.Copy !req
279. You know, fifteen hundred square feet of grassCopy !req
280. and a new irrigation system was expensive.Copy !req
281. You just don't throw it away.Copy !req
282. Please don't use that tone with me.Copy !req
283. I didn't use any tone with you.Copy !req
284. OK, don't deny using a tone when you use a tone.Copy !req
285. I'm not crazy, I know what I just heard.Copy !req
286. I didn't call you crazy.Copy !req
287. But you implied it, though, didn't you?Copy !req
288. As if I'm not sane enough
to judge your tone of voice.Copy !req
289. - Maybe you are crazy.
- Oh, oh, right.Copy !req
290. Oh, oh, now the truth comes out.Copy !req
291. - Well, you want to know the truth?
- Yeah, sure, I love the truth.Copy !req
292. OK. The truth is,
you are the crazy one, OK?Copy !req
293. - Right, yes, of course I am. Yeah.
- With these goddamn raccoons,Copy !req
294. you are acting like a complete
fucking deranged moron.Copy !req
295. Now I'm acting like a fucking deranged moron?Copy !req
296. - Keep your fucking voice down.
- You keep your fuckin' voice down.Copy !req
297. Don't you dare wake up Miles.Copy !req
298. This is it! This is perfect!Copy !req
299. This is just what you want, isn't it?Copy !req
300. - What is what I want?
- You want me to get crazyCopy !req
301. - so you can remind me of how crazy I get...
- Oh, mission accomplished!Copy !req
302. when you make me
apologize to you!Copy !req
303. You're crazy with your
fucking Indian pepper bullshit!Copy !req
304. Hey! I'm working on our
fucking lawn for our son!Copy !req
305. - What?
- But of course I'm the crazy one!Copy !req
306. And of course you have no fucking responsibilityCopy !req
307. - at all in this fight!
- You know what,Copy !req
308. just go fuck one of your raccoons!Copy !req
309. More likely than fucking you!Copy !req
310. Hi, Jeffrey.
Fancy meeting you here.Copy !req
311. Uh, here's for your cleaning service.Copy !req
312. Thank you.Copy !req
313. Oh, your timing's impeccable.Copy !req
314. I have a surprise for you, come on in.Copy !req
315. I'd love to come in, but I've gotta get to work.Copy !req
316. Come on in.Copy !req
317. I won't bite.Copy !req
318. Now just wait here, just a sec.Copy !req
319. OK.Copy !req
320. I found these really great blueberriesCopy !req
321. at the farmer's market the other dayCopy !req
322. and it inspired me to do some baking.Copy !req
323. So...Copy !req
324. I hope you like pies.Copy !req
325. Oh, you didn't have to do that.Copy !req
326. Well, the blueberries were so beautiful,Copy !req
327. I had to do something with them.Copy !req
328. Did you know they're a superfood?Copy !req
329. And, and the crust
is gluten-freeCopy !req
330. which means I didn't use flour.Copy !req
331. I used spelt.Copy !req
332. By the way...Copy !req
333. I'm sleeping
so much better,Copy !req
334. thanks to your magic little pills.Copy !req
335. Oh, that's good to hear.Copy !req
336. And Jeff, you haven't seen my MatthewCopy !req
337. wandering around the neighborhood, have you?Copy !req
338. - Uh...
- My cat.Copy !req
339. - Your cat?
- He didn't come home last night,Copy !req
340. but you know how cats are, nine lives and all.Copy !req
341. Actually, I was thinking about
buying a miniature cameraCopy !req
342. and attaching it to his collarCopy !req
343. to see where he skulks around to.Copy !req
344. - Oh, that's, uh, an idea.
- Yeah.Copy !req
345. Thank you.Copy !req
346. Hey, babe.
Thanks for writing.Copy !req
347. I really would love to get together with youCopy !req
348. one of these days for a, uh, a rubdown.Copy !req
349. Hope to see you soon.Copy !req
350. And if we do get together,Copy !req
351. don't forget to bring your friend...Copy !req
352. Mary Jane.Copy !req
353. You're sweating.Copy !req
354. Well, I walked here.Copy !req
355. I tried to get here as fast as I could.Copy !req
356. Is everything all right?
What's goin' on?Copy !req
357. Yeah, just needed to talk
to a friend and have a drink.Copy !req
358. - You want one?
- Of course.Copy !req
359. Have I ever said no to that
question after twelve?Copy !req
360. So what are we talkin' about here?Copy !req
361. We are talking about...Copy !req
362. infidelity.Copy !req
363. I believe you have some experience with that.Copy !req
364. Uh, yes, I do.Copy !req
365. Uh, is Mister Virgin Mary being unfaithful?Copy !req
366. No.Copy !req
367. Not unfaithful.Copy !req
368. - Not technically.
- Oh.Copy !req
369. But I have been emailing with
girls on the internet.Copy !req
370. Girls on the internet.Copy !req
371. OK, what, what kind of girls on the internet?Copy !req
372. Sensual massage therapists.Copy !req
373. Oh, you mean whores?Copy !req
374. I guess.Copy !req
375. OK, well, I thinkCopy !req
376. that sleeping with a prostituteCopy !req
377. "technically" counts as being unfaithful.Copy !req
378. No, no, I am not sleeping
with them, that's the point.Copy !req
379. I just get off on flirting with them online.Copy !req
380. I don't go through with it.Copy !req
381. Though truthfully,Copy !req
382. I do think about it.Copy !req
383. When was the last time you and Nealy had sex?Copy !req
384. Oh, uh...Copy !req
385. - ... it was make-up sex.
- Really?Copy !req
386. Yeah.Copy !req
387. Do you wanna hear about it?Copy !req
388. - Yes, of course.
- OK.Copy !req
389. Uh, well, I was fuckin' around online,Copy !req
390. you know, looking up porn,
checking out my internet chicks,Copy !req
391. my net whores.Copy !req
392. - Oh, God, I never learn.
- No, you don't.Copy !req
393. All right, all right.Copy !req
394. Anyway, a few hours later,Copy !req
395. I get a call from Nealy.Copy !req
396. - She's read all my emails.
- No!Copy !req
397. Yeah. Suffice to say,
she is not too pleased.Copy !req
398. Of course, I can't leave to
go talk to her in person.Copy !req
399. My patient's labor's going on
all night, so the next morning,Copy !req
400. I have some flowers delivered to her storeCopy !req
401. with a very cheesy love poem.Copy !req
402. But when I finally get home,
she's still at her shop,Copy !req
403. so I go for a run to clear my headCopy !req
404. and I decide to make a whole
romantic dinner for her.Copy !req
405. It was going great.Copy !req
406. It seems like we were really communicatingCopy !req
407. until she just gets weird.Copy !req
408. She gets really emotional, really serious,Copy !req
409. and then she says something like,Copy !req
410. "I think about going outCopy !req
411. and fucking other people,
too."Copy !req
412. I don't know, it was so weird.Copy !req
413. It just gets weird.Copy !req
414. She turns and she runs offCopy !req
415. and we end up doing it.Copy !req
416. You know, having sex, and that was like,Copy !req
417. uh... six months ago.Copy !req
418. Huh.Copy !req
419. Well, don't laugh.Copy !req
420. Why not? It's funny, right?Copy !req
421. - Maybe to you.
- It's hilarious.Copy !req
422. But who am I to laugh?Copy !req
423. I think it's been like a year
since Pete and I fucked.Copy !req
424. Wow.Copy !req
425. This place is depressing.Copy !req
426. What do you, what do you say
we order a couple moreCopy !req
427. and take 'em to go?Copy !req
428. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
429. Do you think the bartender's on to us?Copy !req
430. We have to make a quick getaway.Copy !req
431. No, no, no, not with open alcohol.Copy !req
432. Come on, let's walk around a bit.Copy !req
433. - It's a nice day.
- OK, OK.Copy !req
434. All right.Copy !req
435. So what happened with your raccoons?Copy !req
436. They still driving you crazy?Copy !req
437. Yes. In fact,Copy !req
438. I was thinking about
buying a gun and camping outCopy !req
439. - on my roof to shoot them.
- Oh, Pete has a gun.Copy !req
440. - You could just borrow it.
- Are you serious, he has a gun?Copy !req
441. I swear to God, you could blow
your varmints to smithereens!Copy !req
442. - Oh, wow.
- Yeah.Copy !req
443. Mind if I get inside?Copy !req
444. No, just don't tell him.
It's his precious.Copy !req
445. Yeah, of course it is.Copy !req
446. - Is it loaded?
- Yeah.Copy !req
447. No.Copy !req
448. I double checked.Copy !req
449. You know, I have never held a gun before.Copy !req
450. Really?Copy !req
451. Do you feel macho?Copy !req
452. Oh, yeah. Like Magnum, P.I.Copy !req
453. What do you say, for old times sake?Copy !req
454. The life of a psychotherapist.Copy !req
455. - So lucky.
- Am I lucky?Copy !req
456. Uh, if you get called into your
office for an emergency,Copy !req
457. all you have to do is
talk to one of your patients.Copy !req
458. I think we went through all
of medical school high.Copy !req
459. Maybe we did.Copy !req
460. I just can't seem to remember.Copy !req
461. When the net chicks say
they're 420-friendly,Copy !req
462. that's when they really get me.Copy !req
463. Really?Copy !req
464. Yeah.Copy !req
465. I used to love screwing while stoned.Copy !req
466. I found it to be very freeing.Copy !req
467. Unfortunately for me,Copy !req
468. since Nealy got pregnant,Copy !req
469. just the idea of marijuana makes her paranoid.Copy !req
470. Come on, come on with me, right here.Copy !req
471. - Right here, come on.
- No.Copy !req
472. I have... No.Copy !req
473. - I, I, I, I have an idea.
- What, what, what?Copy !req
474. I have an idea.Copy !req
475. What? What?Copy !req
476. I think that you should take this home...Copy !req
477. and smoke it.Copy !req
478. Listen to me.Copy !req
479. I think you should climb in bed...Copy !req
480. OK, take this, and lay some pipe.Copy !req
481. Sounds like a great idea,
but that will not happen.Copy !req
482. - Why not?
- Oh.Copy !req
483. Just the smell of it,Copy !req
484. just, just the smell...Copy !req
485. it just
makes her uptight.Copy !req
486. So smoke it outside.
She won't even know.Copy !req
487. Searching for Hell.Copy !req
488. Still searching.Copy !req
489. Hello.
Hello, my name is Lilith...Copy !req
490. My name is Lilith WassermanCopy !req
491. and I'm calling about my cat, Matthew...Copy !req
492. who is missing.Copy !req
493. OK, little man.Copy !req
494. Give Mommy a big hug
and kiss and say, "I love you.Copy !req
495. Brought you breakfast.
Surprise!" OK?Copy !req
496. Now, now, now!Copy !req
497. Hello.Copy !req
498. Hello, good morning.Copy !req
499. Breakfast in bed?Copy !req
500. Wow. Thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
501. - Mmm!
- I'm the luckiest girl in the world.Copy !req
502. You can eat the breakfast if you want.Copy !req
503. I can? Do you wanna
have some, too?Copy !req
504. Yeah.Copy !req
505. Yeah? You want
a blueberry?Copy !req
506. I already had one.Copy !req
507. Hey, can I smell this flower?Copy !req
508. Absolutely.Copy !req
509. Hey, Link!Copy !req
510. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
511. What the heck you doing here?Copy !req
512. - Lookin' for you.
- Seriously?Copy !req
513. I want to talk to you about something.Copy !req
514. You came all the way out to the mineral plantCopy !req
515. to talk to me?Copy !req
516. I had the day off.
It's a short drive.Copy !req
517. Well, it's good to see you.Copy !req
518. Well, I hope you won't be offendedCopy !req
519. by what I'm about to say.Copy !req
520. I don't know.
What are you about to say?Copy !req
521. Well, look, I took the liberty of contactingCopy !req
522. a friend of a friend who runs a middle school.Copy !req
523. It's a good school
with a serious athletic program.Copy !req
524. Turns out a coach over there is leavingCopy !req
525. and they'd love to interview you
if you're interested.Copy !req
526. I hope that's not insulting.Copy !req
527. Oh, no, Doc.Copy !req
528. I'm... touched.Copy !req
529. Mind if I ask you why you're doing this for me?Copy !req
530. I just...Copy !req
531. I guess I just felt like it.Copy !req
532. Here, um...Copy !req
533. Here's the coach's name and number.Copy !req
534. He's expecting your call.Copy !req
535. My number's on there too, just in case.Copy !req
536. Thanks, Doc.Copy !req
537. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
538. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
539. Dr. Lang! Dr. Lang!Copy !req
540. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
541. Doc...Copy !req
542. Doc...Copy !req
543. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
544. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
545. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
546. I think you left this in my car.Copy !req
547. Pete, you wanna go in...Copy !req
548. Eh! There's nothin'
to talk about.Copy !req
549. Becca's already spilled the beans.Copy !req
550. I taught you how to make pesto, for God's sakes.Copy !req
551. You sleep with my wife?Copy !req
552. I can't talk about this here...Copy !req
553. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
554. Rebecca, it's Jeff. It's urgent.
Please call me back.Copy !req
555. Hey, there.Copy !req
556. I'm sorry you had to see that back in my office.Copy !req
557. I'm not sure what you actually overheard.Copy !req
558. May I ask what you were doin' there?Copy !req
559. I need to show you something.Copy !req
560. What is it?Copy !req
561. Oh, my God.Copy !req
562. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
563. Is there anything I can do for you?Copy !req
564. Sing with me?Copy !req
565. - Sing?
- Sing with me?Copy !req
566. Aww.Copy !req
567. Oh, God, no.Copy !req
568. Oh, God, no!Copy !req
569. No! No!Copy !req
570. Oh, my God.Copy !req
571. Why?Copy !req
572. Why?Copy !req
573. Ohh... no.Copy !req
574. He was so wonderful.Copy !req
575. All he wanted to do was play.Copy !req
576. I could really use a hug.Copy !req
577. It's OK. It's OK.Copy !req
578. There you go.Copy !req
579. Jeffrey?Copy !req
580. Do you know Sonya Fitzpatrick?Copy !req
581. - No.
- She's a pet medium on TV,Copy !req
582. but she has a private practice.Copy !req
583. And when my first Yorkie, Max, died,Copy !req
584. she gave me a lot of comfort.
So...Copy !req
585. so when...Copy !req
586. when I finallyCopy !req
587. found Matthew's body...Copy !req
588. wedged like,Copy !req
589. like a piece of debris...Copy !req
590. between the recycle bin and the garbage,Copy !req
591. I called her, and do you know what she said?Copy !req
592. What?Copy !req
593. As he was dying...Copy !req
594. in excruciating pain...Copy !req
595. he was
wondering where I was.Copy !req
596. Well, he's, he's at peace now.Copy !req
597. Maybe.Copy !req
598. Maybe he's lost in the dark
swirling abyss of nothingness.Copy !req
599. I'm sorry.Copy !req
600. I'm really, really sorry, Lila.Copy !req
601. Of course you are.
Of course you're sorry.Copy !req
602. Because you poisoned him
trying to kill your raccoons.Copy !req
603. It's OK.Copy !req
604. I know you weren't trying to hurt him.Copy !req
605. You were trying to make it...Copy !req
606. nice and prettyCopy !req
607. for your family in the backyard.Copy !req
608. I bet Mrs. Nealy Lang was...Copy !req
609. I bet she was really upset
that her sod was all messed up.Copy !req
610. I bet...Copy !req
611. I bet she put a lot of pressure on you...Copy !req
612. to fix it.Copy !req
613. Can I tell you a secret?Copy !req
614. - Open.
- No.Copy !req
615. Please.
I am sorry for your loss,Copy !req
616. but I am your neighbor
and I'm a married man, Lila.Copy !req
617. You forgot to mention that I disgust you.Copy !req
618. No.Copy !req
619. No...Copy !req
620. Oh, don't lie to me, just say it.Copy !req
621. - That's not it.
- Oh, "married man"?Copy !req
622. "Married man"? Please.Copy !req
623. You're a dirty philanderer.Copy !req
624. You're stupid, too.Copy !req
625. What, you're just leaving clues
around for somebody to find.Copy !req
626. Careless!Copy !req
627. Do you want to be caught?Copy !req
628. Maybe you should.Copy !req
629. Maybe you should get caught.Copy !req
630. Maybe I should go out on the streetCopy !req
631. and I should scream it for the world to hearCopy !req
632. that Dr. Jeffrey Lang is a
cheating, cat-killing liar!Copy !req
633. You know, it's against the lawCopy !req
634. to kill wildlife in this state!Copy !req
635. Statute ten-dash-thirteen
twenty-six.Copy !req
636. You could do six months in jail.Copy !req
637. And I don't know, I don't know.Copy !req
638. I don't know what to do here.Copy !req
639. I'm feeling very...Copy !req
640. swimmy...Copy !req
641. swimmy with deathCopy !req
642. and saw dust and...Copy !req
643. power hammers
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
644. We didn't do any construction
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
645. Well, how would I knowCopy !req
646. when you gave me those bizarre
pills that doped me?Copy !req
647. Excuse me.Copy !req
648. I'm sorry.Copy !req
649. I'm sorry.Copy !req
650. I didn't mean to shout at you.Copy !req
651. I just...Copy !req
652. I'm very upset about Matthew.Copy !req
653. Of course you are.Copy !req
654. The main thing is...Copy !req
655. I wanna somehow find a wayCopy !req
656. to try to make it up to you.Copy !req
657. So in a few days,Copy !req
658. when you've had a chance to mourn,Copy !req
659. we can get coffee and discuss it.Copy !req
660. - I'd like that.
- Good.Copy !req
661. - I'd really like that.
- Good.Copy !req
662. OK, great. Now...Copy !req
663. - Dr. Lang?
- Yeah?Copy !req
664. I had a really funny dream a few nights ago.Copy !req
665. You and I, we lived in the countryside.Copy !req
666. In England.Copy !req
667. And we rode horses everywhere.Copy !req
668. And mine was a...Copy !req
669. Oh, he was a big white stallionCopy !req
670. with a silvery mane. And yours
was a beautiful Arabian.Copy !req
671. And we were in the forest...Copy !req
672. and the light was dim,Copy !req
673. and we were galloping past each other,Copy !req
674. we were passing each other by when we both...Copy !req
675. we made our animals stop.Copy !req
676. I mean, I know you could say it was just a dreamCopy !req
677. but it...Copy !req
678. What happened next felt...Copy !req
679. It felt very real to me.Copy !req
680. And... if you wouldCopy !req
681. like me to show you what I did...Copy !req
682. You, you don't, you don't even have to agree,Copy !req
683. just... just don't disagree.Copy !req
684. And then it will be like...Copy !req
685. you're not doing
anything at all.Copy !req
686. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble.Copy !req
687. Oh, God.Copy !req
688. Oh, my God.Copy !req
689. Yeah, that...Copy !req
690. - Wait.
- Hmm?Copy !req
691. Don't stop.Copy !req
692. I feel you...
getting bigger.Copy !req
693. Wait...Copy !req
694. No, no, I want you in me.Copy !req
695. No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
696. Please! Lila!Copy !req
697. Inside of me!Copy !req
698. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
699. Ready?Copy !req
700. - Look! Who's that?
- Hey.Copy !req
701. - Daddy's home.
- Hey, buddy.Copy !req
702. Yeah!Copy !req
703. Very cute.Copy !req
704. Peter Mazzoni stopped by the house today.Copy !req
705. Peter Mazzoni stopped by the house?Copy !req
706. Yeah. He said you guys wereCopy !req
707. working on some deal together?Copy !req
708. Right, yeah. Uh...Copy !req
709. he wants me to invest
in a new restaurant of his.Copy !req
710. - Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
711. Wow, well, everything that guy
touches turns to gold.Copy !req
712. Maybe we should consider it.Copy !req
713. Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
714. Friend here to see you.Copy !req
715. All right, thanks, Jen.Copy !req
716. I'll be with you in a minute,
Jeff. Have a seat.Copy !req
717. So...Copy !req
718. Afternoon.Copy !req
719. I heard you stopped by my house.Copy !req
720. Yeah. There's no restraining
order on me yet, is there?Copy !req
721. - What do you want?
- What do I want?Copy !req
722. I wanna fuck your wife up the assCopy !req
723. while your two year old watches
me hack you into bits.Copy !req
724. That's what I want.Copy !req
725. I've decided not to do it.Copy !req
726. OK.Copy !req
727. Instead, I'm gonna offer you a choice.Copy !req
728. You pick up this phone, right now,Copy !req
729. you call your wife and you tell
her what you did or...Copy !req
730. or you give me
a hundred thousand dollarsCopy !req
731. in cash for my silence.Copy !req
732. Hey.Copy !req
733. - Thanks for meeting me.
- Of course.Copy !req
734. So am I fucked?Copy !req
735. What do you think?Copy !req
736. I think he's a...Copy !req
737. an Italian guy
from New JerseyCopy !req
738. who likes to back up his threats.Copy !req
739. So...Copy !req
740. Did you end up meeting with Pete today or what?Copy !req
741. - Yeah.
- Yeah? And?Copy !req
742. What's the matter?Copy !req
743. I hope I didn't keep you waitin' too long.Copy !req
744. I got a little lost on the way.Copy !req
745. No problem.Copy !req
746. So... I'm sorry,
I couldn't get it all.Copy !req
747. We haven't saved much since we bought our houseCopy !req
748. but I was able to get
seventy-five thousandCopy !req
749. out of our home equity line.Copy !req
750. Why in the world did you just do that?Copy !req
751. You ever hear the old saying,Copy !req
752. "You pays your money and you takes your choice"?Copy !req
753. No.Copy !req
754. Well, now you have.Copy !req
755. By the way, Becca and I are done,Copy !req
756. so feel free to go take advantageCopy !req
757. and poke around that cumhole all you wantCopy !req
758. 'cause I don't care anymore.Copy !req
759. I gave you a choice.
I gave you a choice, Jeffrey.Copy !req
760. You could've told your wife the truthCopy !req
761. instead of meetin' me here.Copy !req
762. You could've been a good guy,
but no, you're a rat,Copy !req
763. just like my wife.Copy !req
764. You're a little punk rat,Copy !req
765. a boy man rat. Look at you.Copy !req
766. Just look at you.Copy !req
767. And you deserve a lot worseCopy !req
768. than losing some petty cash to the Skagit River.Copy !req
769. You know, when I discovered what you did,Copy !req
770. I was gonna kill you.Copy !req
771. But then I rememberedCopy !req
772. I'm not that kind of man.Copy !req
773. I'm the kind of man who makes a mistakeCopy !req
774. and then makes amends.Copy !req
775. I'm the kind of man who got into
a drunk driving accidentCopy !req
776. and nearly killed a kid,
but did I get some fancy-pantsCopy !req
777. lawyer to get me off scot-free 'cause I
was just below the legal limit? Uh-uh!Copy !req
778. I prayed for forgiveness,Copy !req
779. and I pled guilty.
And when the judge ordered meCopy !req
780. to pay a million dollars to the kid's familyCopy !req
781. and he sent me to jail
for a month, did I stop there?Copy !req
782. No. I started helping people.
Volunteering.Copy !req
783. Philanthropy.Copy !req
784. 'Cause that's the kind of guy I am.Copy !req
785. You may wish you're that kinda man,Copy !req
786. but you're not.Copy !req
787. You're a scumbag home-wrecker.Copy !req
788. You wrecked my home, Jeffrey.Copy !req
789. You wrecked my home.Copy !req
790. And I could just as easily
wreck yours with one phone call.Copy !req
791. But I don't need to do that.Copy !req
792. Because you're the kinda guyCopy !req
793. who's gonna fuck it all up himself.Copy !req
794. Hey, Lincoln, how are you?Copy !req
795. Very good, very good.Copy !req
796. So guess what?
I got the job, Doc.Copy !req
797. No kidding, that's great news.Copy !req
798. Actually, I start tomorrow.Copy !req
799. And to celebrate, this weekend my wife and ICopy !req
800. were thinking we could have you and your familyCopy !req
801. over to dinner.Copy !req
802. What's that noise, Lincoln?Copy !req
803. Oh, I'm all tied up to my
dialysis machine right now.Copy !req
804. Damn thing starts makin' noises
for no good reason sometimes.Copy !req
805. Hello?Copy !req
806. Hello?Copy !req
807. Thanks for visiting me, Doc.Copy !req
808. Nobody ever visits me here.Copy !req
809. Of course.Copy !req
810. So I hope you don't mind me askin',Copy !req
811. I was just wondering what your
doctor says in terms of, uh,Copy !req
812. how long it is before your kidneys fail?Copy !req
813. A couple years, if I'm lucky.Copy !req
814. So they say.Copy !req
815. But I'm feeling strong,Copy !req
816. and the way I see it,Copy !req
817. if God can create the earth in seven days,Copy !req
818. why can't I get luckyCopy !req
819. and find myself a kidney
in the next year or two?Copy !req
820. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
821. I hope I didn't depress you with that.Copy !req
822. Today's a really good day.Copy !req
823. I know, yeah, yeah, of course.Copy !req
824. - To Doc.
- To Doc.Copy !req
825. A saint.Copy !req
826. Oh, not a saint.Copy !req
827. Well, in my book you are.Copy !req
828. And one heck of a basketball player.Copy !req
829. Oh, now are you just saying thatCopy !req
830. - to make him feel good?
- Well, let me tell you,Copy !req
831. if your husband understood how to play defense,Copy !req
832. had a better jump shot,
and was about six foot nine,Copy !req
833. he'd be killin' 'em in the NBA right now.Copy !req
834. Hey, hey, you mind if I
say a prayer before we eat?Copy !req
835. Of course not.Copy !req
836. Dear Heavenly Father,Copy !req
837. we thank you for the food
that's been prepared before us,Copy !req
838. for the nourishment
and strengthening of our bodies.Copy !req
839. In the name of Christ Jesus, amen.Copy !req
840. Amen.Copy !req
841. - All right, you guys can eat.
- Whoo.Copy !req
842. May I have the salt and pepper?Copy !req
843. So you haven't told me how the team is yet.Copy !req
844. Doc, these girls hustle
like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
845. And there's some talent on the team, too.Copy !req
846. Oh, that's great.Copy !req
847. Really great.Copy !req
848. But I've gotta tell you,Copy !req
849. what I like the best about it isCopy !req
850. my kids are finally excited about
something their daddy does.Copy !req
851. Thank you, Doc.Copy !req
852. You made this possible, bro.Copy !req
853. You changed my life, Doc.Copy !req
854. So why can't Angela donate?Copy !req
855. Oh, she has some kind of
congenital heart defect,Copy !req
856. which means an operation would be risky.Copy !req
857. He seems so alive, you know, and healthy.Copy !req
858. He's so far down on the list to
get a transplant it's not funny.Copy !req
859. I know it's kind of an absurd thought, but...Copy !req
860. why shouldn't it be me?Copy !req
861. Here, I've been doing a little research.Copy !req
862. "Living organ donation."Copy !req
863. Wow.Copy !req
864. OK, you're serious.Copy !req
865. You've been thinking about this for a while.Copy !req
866. Well, a bit.Copy !req
867. This is...Copy !req
868. This is amazing.Copy !req
869. I'm just, I'm, I'm worried,Copy !req
870. uh, what if Miles needs your kidney one day?Copy !req
871. Well, I thought that we could do
a test to make sure bothCopy !req
872. you and Miles have healthy kidneys,Copy !req
873. and if so,Copy !req
874. the risk is incredibly small.Copy !req
875. I'm not opposed to doing some tests.Copy !req
876. I actually think it's a really wonderful thoughtCopy !req
877. to do something truly selfless.Copy !req
878. You weren't expecting this.Copy !req
879. All right, there you go, there you go.Copy !req
880. OK, pick up the rhythm, guys.Copy !req
881. All right, good, good.
Right back to the other side.Copy !req
882. Lincoln.Copy !req
883. Hey, Doc.
What are you doin' here?Copy !req
884. How's it goin'?Copy !req
885. It's goin' great.
The girls are great.Copy !req
886. Yeah. Uh, I come
bearing some good news.Copy !req
887. You know I like good news.Copy !req
888. After dinner at your house,
my wife and I were talkingCopy !req
889. about your, your health situation.Copy !req
890. And um, long story short,Copy !req
891. the last few weeks have been
all about kidney donationCopy !req
892. and we have researched it, talked about it,Copy !req
893. done a bunch of tests, and we came to agreeCopy !req
894. that it was the right thing to do.Copy !req
895. So I called your doctor and...Copy !req
896. Whoa, wait a minute.Copy !req
897. Are you saying what I think you're sayin'?Copy !req
898. We are a perfect match, Lincoln.Copy !req
899. The same blood type, everything.Copy !req
900. Doc, yes!Copy !req
901. - Ahhh!
- Ahhh!Copy !req
902. Man, what am I lookin' at?Copy !req
903. Am I looking at a man or an angel?Copy !req
904. Ladies, ladies, hold up, hold up.Copy !req
905. This is my friend,
Dr. Lang.Copy !req
906. And he's gonna give me one of his kidneys!Copy !req
907. I'm gonna live!Copy !req
908. Uh, um, take a break guys.
Oh, man.Copy !req
909. Wow, man.Copy !req
910. Wow, man.Copy !req
911. - Scalpel.
- Scalpel.Copy !req
912. - Sponge.
- Sponge.Copy !req
913. Clamp.Copy !req
914. Clamp.Copy !req
915. Ligature.Copy !req
916. Scissors.Copy !req
917. There's your daddy.Copy !req
918. Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
919. I don't know
if he's awake. I'm sorry.Copy !req
920. Hey. Hey, little guy.
What's up?Copy !req
921. - Hey, hey, Doc.
- Hey.Copy !req
922. I'm good, thanks.Copy !req
923. All right, sir.Copy !req
924. Oh.Copy !req
925. My heart is warm.Copy !req
926. I got so much love for you right now, Doc.Copy !req
927. Gimme your hands.Copy !req
928. I'm so glad this worked out, Lincoln.Copy !req
929. So am I, Doc.Copy !req
930. So am I.Copy !req
931. Oh. My minister came by to
visit me this morning.Copy !req
932. And we were talking about what
a miracle it is, what you did,Copy !req
933. and he had the idea to do
a special service in your honor.Copy !req
934. I don't need to be honored.Copy !req
935. Wouldn't be for your vanity, Doc.Copy !req
936. It'd be for our congregation,Copy !req
937. to inspire them to do their own charity work.Copy !req
938. I think it would be, you know, painless.Copy !req
939. But if you'd prefer not to...Copy !req
940. No. I'll do it.Copy !req
941. Sounds like a good idea.Copy !req
942. It is.Copy !req
943. Aloha.Copy !req
944. I brought you this basil plant.Copy !req
945. These hospitals are so toxic.Copy !req
946. So many germs.Copy !req
947. Thank you. So...Copy !req
948. how'd you know
to find me here?Copy !req
949. You're in the paper.Copy !req
950. What, didn't you know?Copy !req
951. What a wonderful thing you did for him,Copy !req
952. saving his life, getting him
the job, everything.Copy !req
953. No doubt... you will reap
the positive karmaCopy !req
954. of this for a long time.Copy !req
955. Um... speaking of karma,Copy !req
956. there's something I need to tell you,Copy !req
957. which may slam the karmic
wheel of fate down on me hard.Copy !req
958. Um...Copy !req
959. I know I shouldn't have done it...Copy !req
960. but after Matthew was poisonedCopy !req
961. and before our...Copy !req
962. you know...Copy !req
963. I was seeing red
and I calledCopy !req
964. the Department of Building and SafetyCopy !req
965. and told them about your construction.Copy !req
966. Anyway, they finally came by yesterdayCopy !req
967. and they...
they put this on your door.Copy !req
968. I am really sorry, Jeffrey.Copy !req
969. I, I...Copy !req
970. probably would've done
the same thingCopy !req
971. if you'd killed my pet.Copy !req
972. There's something else.Copy !req
973. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
974. With your baby.Copy !req
975. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
976. But you don't need to be worried.Copy !req
977. It's all gonna be all right.Copy !req
978. It will all work out.Copy !req
979. Things always do.Copy !req
980. No. Things don't
always work out.Copy !req
981. You want me to kill it, don't you?Copy !req
982. I wanna go in the house.Copy !req
983. We're goin'.Copy !req
984. OK.Copy !req
985. I thought about fixing it myself,Copy !req
986. but it just didn't seem worth it.Copy !req
987. Don't worry, it's decaf.Copy !req
988. I, I would never poison our baby with aCopy !req
989. double shot of real espresso.Copy !req
990. They say it can cause autism.Copy !req
991. Then again, you're the baby doctor.Copy !req
992. Hey, can I ask, um...Copy !req
993. Are you one hundred percent
certain that you're pregnant?Copy !req
994. Yes.Copy !req
995. I took the test twice, I peed twice,Copy !req
996. - just to make sure.
- Lila...Copy !req
997. Do you really think, in your heart,Copy !req
998. that this is the right thing to do,Copy !req
999. for you and I to be having a baby together?Copy !req
1000. Oh... absolutely.
It's a miracle.Copy !req
1001. - No.
- Yes, Jeff.Copy !req
1002. I feel the life growing inside of me.Copy !req
1003. - No, Lila,
- I can feel itCopy !req
1004. - blooming
- Lila, please.Copy !req
1005. - and blossoming and growing.
- Lila, please. Lila. Look...Copy !req
1006. Lila! What fuckin'
planet do you live on?Copy !req
1007. There is no way, no chance under
any circumstance,Copy !req
1008. that I'll be fathering a child with you.Copy !req
1009. Jeffrey, I want you to understandCopy !req
1010. that once our little one is bornCopy !req
1011. I'm not expecting child supportCopy !req
1012. or anything like that.Copy !req
1013. I just want our little one
to grow up knowing his father.Copy !req
1014. And if you think about it, it's perfect.Copy !req
1015. The little one will be right next door.Copy !req
1016. You can come by and visit any time you like.Copy !req
1017. You can be like the charming uncleCopy !req
1018. and that... that wife of
yours never has to find out.Copy !req
1019. She won't know.Copy !req
1020. Bye.Copy !req
1021. See you later.Copy !req
1022. I... I don't have
any medical insuranceCopy !req
1023. so I thought maybeCopy !req
1024. you could help me out.Copy !req
1025. You wouldn't put anything up thereCopy !req
1026. that would hurt the baby, would you?Copy !req
1027. No. I wouldn't do that.Copy !req
1028. Does that mean...?Copy !req
1029. It's alive.Copy !req
1030. Dang, Doc.Copy !req
1031. That's a pretty tight spot
this woman's got you in.Copy !req
1032. You know, Doc, my mother used to say,Copy !req
1033. "It's impossible to reason
with an unreasonable person."Copy !req
1034. I think that's what you're dealing with,Copy !req
1035. with this woman here.Copy !req
1036. I can barely see straight.Copy !req
1037. And the things I'm thinking,
you, you couldn't imagine.Copy !req
1038. Like what?Copy !req
1039. Like all day...Copy !req
1040. I'm fantasizing
about her dying.Copy !req
1041. I must've imagined it a hundred different ways.Copy !req
1042. Actually, last night, I had a dream about it.Copy !req
1043. A wish fulfillment dream, huh, Doc?Copy !req
1044. I guess so.Copy !req
1045. What was it?Copy !req
1046. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
1047. There were these two football playersCopy !req
1048. runnin' through the woods
in the park by my houseCopy !req
1049. where I sometimes go joggingCopy !req
1050. and I see her walking her
little dog every night at dusk.Copy !req
1051. They're just galloping through the woodsCopy !req
1052. in full game day uniforms.Copy !req
1053. One of 'em hurls a ball through the air.Copy !req
1054. As it sails,Copy !req
1055. I realize it's an arrow.Copy !req
1056. It splits her head wide open.Copy !req
1057. I woke up totally relieved.Copy !req
1058. Until I realized it was just a dream.Copy !req
1059. Sick, huh?Copy !req
1060. It's gonna be all right, Doc.Copy !req
1061. It's gonna be all right.Copy !req
1062. Meredith just called and saidCopy !req
1063. that Peter and Rebecca are getting divorced.Copy !req
1064. "Once upon a time, but not long ago,Copy !req
1065. a mom and her girl were folding washed clothes.Copy !req
1066. When suddenly, Mom noticed something amiss.Copy !req
1067. Something weird, something
crazy, a real mystery this!Copy !req
1068. 'Where are the socks?'Copy !req
1069. asked Mom with a frown.Copy !req
1070. 'I can't find them up.Copy !req
1071. - I can't find them down.'"
- Hey.Copy !req
1072. Hey. Have you seen
my keys anywhere?Copy !req
1073. No, I have no idea.Copy !req
1074. Uh, have you looked in your purse?Copy !req
1075. Yes, of course I looked in my purse.Copy !req
1076. You didn't take them with you
when you left the houseCopy !req
1077. this morning, did you?Copy !req
1078. No. What about
Miles' toy box?Copy !req
1079. Remember when he hid the remote in there?Copy !req
1080. Oh!Copy !req
1081. Oh, please, please.Copy !req
1082. I, I have a...Copy !req
1083. Please don't do it.Copy !req
1084. Please. Please.Copy !req
1085. Hello?Copy !req
1086. - Jeff.
- Hey, honey.Copy !req
1087. So I come home for lunch today to find outCopy !req
1088. that our whackadoodle neighborCopy !req
1089. got herself shot dead with a bow and arrow.Copy !req
1090. It happened in the park.
Less than a mile away.Copy !req
1091. The police are now going door to door.Copy !req
1092. Sort of puts a damper on tonight's celebration,Copy !req
1093. doesn't it?Copy !req
1094. Thank you, Jesus!Copy !req
1095. Thank you.Copy !req
1096. That's a plane, you know what that is.Copy !req
1097. No, that.Copy !req
1098. Oh, that?
I don't know what that is.Copy !req
1099. That was pretty moving, huh?Copy !req
1100. Where, where are we going?Copy !req
1101. Hey.Copy !req
1102. I cheated my way through med school.Copy !req
1103. What?Copy !req
1104. Cheat sheets.
Very elaborate,Copy !req
1105. written on little pieces
of paper in every pocket.Copy !req
1106. When I was a kid, I had this doctorCopy !req
1107. who misdiagnosed my chicken pox as dermatitis.Copy !req
1108. I almost died.
Did I ever tell you that?Copy !req
1109. No.Copy !req
1110. While I was in the hospital,Copy !req
1111. my mother and grandmother were sitting around,Copy !req
1112. I overheard my grandmother say,Copy !req
1113. "Well, I guess not all
doctors made A's."Copy !req
1114. Turns out, I became one of those doctors.Copy !req
1115. I am a "study at the last minute,Copy !req
1116. slide-by, path of least
resistance...Copy !req
1117. fuckhead, C-plus" doctor.Copy !req
1118. You're a great doctor.Copy !req
1119. Look.Copy !req
1120. No... Jeff!Copy !req
1121. What are you doing?Copy !req
1122. Jeff, stop! Don't!Copy !req
1123. Don't!Copy !req
1124. Stop the car!Copy !req
1125. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1126. Stop it! Stop! No!Copy !req
1127. You are freaking me out.Copy !req
1128. What is going on?Copy !req
1129. I fucked Rebecca.Copy !req
1130. What?Copy !req
1131. I don't mean to hurt you telling you this.Copy !req
1132. I'm just trying toCopy !req
1133. tell you the truth for a change.Copy !req
1134. Rebecca Mazzoni.Copy !req
1135. - I only fucked her once.
- Oh, great. Good.Copy !req
1136. But Peter found out.Copy !req
1137. In the meantime...Copy !req
1138. I accidentally...Copy !req
1139. poisoned Lila's catCopy !req
1140. trying to get the raccoons.Copy !req
1141. All in the same day.Copy !req
1142. She followed me to work to
confront me about Matthew...Copy !req
1143. that's her cat...Copy !req
1144. and Peter shows upCopy !req
1145. to confront me about Rebecca.Copy !req
1146. And Lila takes off without saying a word,Copy !req
1147. so when I go to see what she wanted...Copy !req
1148. she comes on to me.Copy !req
1149. - And she goes absolutely fucking ballistic.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1150. - Threatens to tell you everything and...
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1151. I guess a part of me wanted
to have sex with herCopy !req
1152. because I did.Copy !req
1153. Wow.Copy !req
1154. Wow.Copy !req
1155. Nealy...Copy !req
1156. uh...Copy !req
1157. so far this has been
the good news.Copy !req
1158. She, uh...Copy !req
1159. she got pregnant.Copy !req
1160. Who got pregnant?Copy !req
1161. Lila.Copy !req
1162. Oh, God.Copy !req
1163. What?Copy !req
1164. The chances of it happening that one timeCopy !req
1165. at her age are...Copy !req
1166. I...Copy !req
1167. What?Copy !req
1168. But here comes the kicker.Copy !req
1169. I didn't know who to confide in.Copy !req
1170. So I visited...Copy !req
1171. Lincoln.Copy !req
1172. We're sitting there...Copy !req
1173. and I mention to himCopy !req
1174. a dream I had...Copy !req
1175. where Lila's
killed with an arrow.Copy !req
1176. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1177. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1178. Nealy, I was just venting to him.Copy !req
1179. Oh, my God, Jeff.Copy !req
1180. - I didn't ask him to do it.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1181. But he did it.Copy !req
1182. This is real?
This really fucking happened?Copy !req
1183. Oh, my God, Jeff!Copy !req
1184. Jesus! Jesus!Copy !req
1185. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1186. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1187. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1188. I don't know why I'm laughing.Copy !req
1189. I don't know.Copy !req
1190. Don't fucking come near me.Copy !req
1191. I fucked somebody, too.Copy !req
1192. Before that, that big fight
we had about the raccoons.Copy !req
1193. Those stupid raccoons.Copy !req
1194. I was fucking somebody.Copy !req
1195. I was having an affair for months.Copy !req
1196. Six months.Copy !req
1197. He was a customer.Copy !req
1198. I helped him pick out fabric.Copy !req
1199. It was blue corduroy.Copy !req
1200. He worked at the wine shop down the street.Copy !req
1201. He'd bring me plates of cheese and salami.Copy !req
1202. It's over now.Copy !req
1203. OK.Copy !req
1204. OK. Yeah.Copy !req
1205. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
1206. I deserve whatever I get.Copy !req
1207. What do you think you deserve?Copy !req
1208. Probably for a piano to fall
from the sky and crush me.Copy !req
1209. Prison.Copy !req
1210. You leave me.Copy !req
1211. Maybe lose my son.Copy !req
1212. I don't know.Copy !req
1213. I fucking killed somebody.Copy !req
1214. I'm responsible.Copy !req
1215. I'm responsible.Copy !req
1216. Look what I did to this fuckin' thing.Copy !req
1217. Do you still love me?Copy !req
1218. Yes.Copy !req
1219. I mean...Copy !req
1220. I don't understand.Copy !req
1221. After everything I've done...Copy !req
1222. I was such an idiot.Copy !req
1223. I've lied and cheated.Copy !req
1224. Yes.Copy !req
1225. Yes, I love you.Copy !req
1226. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
1227. I, uh...Copy !req
1228. Tell me what to do.Copy !req
1229. Let's go.Copy !req
1230. - Hi.
- Hello.Copy !req
1231. Did you have a nice time?Copy !req
1232. How's, uh, how's Miles?Copy !req
1233. Miles is very asleep.Copy !req
1234. - Good news.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1235. Good night.Copy !req
1236. What now?Copy !req
1237. Turn myself in?Copy !req
1238. Turn Lincoln in?Copy !req
1239. Uh, I don't want to ruinCopy !req
1240. the life we've built together, Jeff.Copy !req
1241. I don't wanna...Copy !req
1242. hurt everyone,
destroy everything.Copy !req
1243. What does that mean?Copy !req
1244. If we turn him in...Copy !req
1245. his kids grow
up without a fatherCopy !req
1246. and Angela's a single mom.Copy !req
1247. And Miles grows up with this...Copy !req
1248. cloud of murder
and weirdness over his head,Copy !req
1249. and that's the best case scenario.Copy !req
1250. The worst case scenario is...Copy !req
1251. a jury doesn't believe
your side of the storyCopy !req
1252. and you go to prison, too.Copy !req
1253. You think we're gonna be laying in bedCopy !req
1254. with insomnia talking about thisCopy !req
1255. when we're eighty years old?Copy !req
1256. I think we're gonna be talking about thisCopy !req
1257. for a long time.Copy !req
1258. We'll talk about it and talk about it...Copy !req
1259. until one day...Copy !req
1260. we'll decide not to.Copy !req
1261. And then we'll worry silently for years.Copy !req
1262. Maybe we won't make it.Copy !req
1263. Maybe we'll implode with guilt.Copy !req
1264. Maybe that's what should happen.Copy !req
1265. Or maybe we'll make it through.Copy !req
1266. And eventually...Copy !req
1267. this will fade away...Copy !req
1268. and it'll seem like
a dream we had.Copy !req
1269. It was true.Copy !req
1270. Everything that had happened would eventuallyCopy !req
1271. become a distant memory.Copy !req
1272. However, before that occurred,Copy !req
1273. I'd find myself going to this police station...Copy !req
1274. thinking I should
probably walk inCopy !req
1275. and come clean.Copy !req
1276. Thinking if I didn't, then...Copy !req
1277. then I probably deserved
whatever the worst wasCopy !req
1278. that the universe could deal me.Copy !req
1279. But... in the end...Copy !req
1280. in reality...Copy !req
1281. I'd just get up off
that bench and go home.Copy !req
1282. And at night, with our grass gone,Copy !req
1283. the raccoons kept their distance.Copy !req
1284. No one got caught and no one was the wiser.Copy !req
1285. And life just...Copy !req
1286. went on.Copy !req