1. You know in life when...Copy !req
2. when something
disastrous happens,Copy !req
3. you go back
and replay everythingCopy !req
4. and you see where
it went wrong?Copy !req
5. You're tryin' to figure it out.Copy !req
6. You're sifting through
all the little things,Copy !req
7. all of the details.Copy !req
8. One of the details
was this house plantCopy !req
9. which I picked up
at Trader Joe's.Copy !req
10. Another was purchasing
this bottle of poison.Copy !req
11. And then there was...Copy !req
12. this kidney,Copy !req
13. some sleeping pills,Copy !req
14. this transaction
at the bank and...Copy !req
15. clicking onto this
adult internet siteCopy !req
16. which I had spent many,
many hours enjoying.Copy !req
17. But after all
was said and done,Copy !req
18. you could say
my downfall really beganCopy !req
19. on a fairytale kind of day...Copy !req
20. when my wife and I
started talking aboutCopy !req
21. having a second child.Copy !req
22. The thing was our house.Copy !req
23. It had two bedrooms and
we wanted to expand itCopy !req
24. to make room for a new nursery.Copy !req
25. So off I went toCopy !req
26. the Department
of Building and Safety,Copy !req
27. where I'd be told that our
plans were not to codeCopy !req
28. and be given this variance
hearing request form.Copy !req
29. And although
I'm the only one to blameCopy !req
30. for the whole big mess
you're about to see...Copy !req
31. still I wish
I'd known upfrontCopy !req
32. about this plate of
cheese and salami.Copy !req
33. "Memories Are Made of This']Copy !req
34. Hey, lookin' good.Copy !req
35. Muy bien, amigos.Copy !req
36. Can I have everybody's
attention, please?Copy !req
37. Quiet, quiet, please.
My gorgeous wifeCopy !req
38. would like to pontificate
about the happy couple.Copy !req
39. - Thank you, thank you.
- Sweetheart.Copy !req
40. Uh, you guys
have now been marriedCopy !req
41. for ten years,Copy !req
42. which is a very, very,
very long time.Copy !req
43. Very, very, very long time.Copy !req
44. - In a good way.
- In a great way.Copy !req
45. Uh-huh.
And, um...Copy !req
46. we just really wanna
say congratulations.Copy !req
47. Jeff, you are...Copy !req
48. one of my oldest
and dearest friends,Copy !req
49. and I'm so happy that
you're this lucky in love.Copy !req
50. - To Jeff and Nealy!
- To Jeff and Nealy!Copy !req
51. Ten more years!Copy !req
52. Nealy.Copy !req
53. Remember when we were
twenty-two?Copy !req
54. We used to F-U-C-K
like three times a day.Copy !req
55. What do you say,Copy !req
56. when you get little
buddy guy into his bed,Copy !req
57. we go relive our youth in ours?Copy !req
58. You know, I...Copy !req
59. I had so many of those, um,Copy !req
60. Copper River
salmon finger foods.Copy !req
61. I just...Copy !req
62. I really think I'd puke.Copy !req
63. Hey, babe.
Thanks for clicking me.Copy !req
64. My name is Jasmine Jane.Copy !req
65. I think of myself
as a tasty fruitCopy !req
66. and I would love
to make your banana cry.Copy !req
67. Nealy.Copy !req
68. Come here.Copy !req
69. Whoa.Copy !req
70. What did this?Copy !req
71. No idea.Copy !req
72. Hey, Jeff!
You think maybe it's gophers?Copy !req
73. Nealy.Copy !req
74. It's raccoons.Copy !req
75. Buenas dias, Senor Lang.Copy !req
76. Hey, how's it going, Alma?
You all right?Copy !req
77. - I'm going inside, too.
- You're gonna go inside? OK.Copy !req
78. Will you say bye to me first?Copy !req
79. I gotta go, I gotta go to work.Copy !req
80. Ahhh.Copy !req
81. All right,
have fun today, OK?Copy !req
82. - OK.
- OK, I love you.Copy !req
83. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
84. Sorry.Copy !req
85. Hi, Traci.Copy !req
86. - Hey, Dr. Lang.
- How you doin'?Copy !req
87. - Good.
- Good to see you.Copy !req
88. Thank you.Copy !req
89. Good shot, Doc.
Keep takin' that!Copy !req
90. Hey, good playin' tonight,
Doc. You were on fire.Copy !req
91. Thanks, man.
What happened to you?Copy !req
92. You were lookin'
sluggish out there.Copy !req
93. Well, that'll happen
when you're 50Copy !req
94. and workin' double shifts
to make ends meet.Copy !req
95. But if you wanna hit
the weight room right now,Copy !req
96. we can see which one of us
is stronger.Copy !req
97. Oh... no, no, no, no.
I don't wanna embarrass you.Copy !req
98. All right, Doc.Copy !req
99. So we got a notice
from the DepartmentCopy !req
100. of Building
and Safety this morning.Copy !req
101. It turns out the city
wouldn't even considerCopy !req
102. our variance request.Copy !req
103. - Oh.
- Yeah. But...Copy !req
104. I say screw it.Copy !req
105. We go ahead without the permit.Copy !req
106. Yeah, but what if
we get caught?Copy !req
107. I mean, wouldn't we have to
tear it all out and redo it?Copy !req
108. It would
cost like twice as much.Copy !req
109. I'm sure we could avoid
getting caught.Copy !req
110. What if the whackadoodle
neighbor complains?Copy !req
111. The whackadoodle neighbor.Copy !req
112. Well...Copy !req
113. I think we can
persuade her not to.Copy !req
114. Hello.Copy !req
115. Hello, Dr. Lang.Copy !req
116. - I was just stopping by...
- Quiet, Steven!Copy !req
117. Sorry.Copy !req
118. No problem.Copy !req
119. So, the reason
I was stopping by isCopy !req
120. we're planning on doing a little
home improvement next doorCopy !req
121. and I wanted to apologize
for any inconvenience in advanceCopy !req
122. and give you this as a token
of my appreciation.Copy !req
123. It's a beautiful plant.Copy !req
124. A lovely flower.Copy !req
125. Well, I really tried to pick out
just the perfect one.Copy !req
126. Well...Copy !req
127. I should probably
skedaddle.Copy !req
128. Bye.Copy !req
129. Look!
There's Daddy!Copy !req
130. Watch your step.Copy !req
131. Now when these little suckers
run down this tree...Copy !req
132. I can hear them coming
and I can run outsideCopy !req
133. and scare the living
S- H-I-T out of them.Copy !req
134. Great.Copy !req
135. Are the raccoons up there?Copy !req
136. Daddy thinks
they're up there.Copy !req
137. That's why Daddy is spreading
stinky coyote urineCopy !req
138. all over to scare them off,Copy !req
139. even though we've got tons of
real coyotes all over the place.Copy !req
140. Actually, it's
mountain lion urine.Copy !req
141. Higher up on the food chain,Copy !req
142. and I think it smells delicious.Copy !req
143. Hey, you know, maybe we should
think about putting inCopy !req
144. a series of pathways
and pocket gardens,Copy !req
145. like out front, and not give the
raccoons anything to turn over.Copy !req
146. Go.Copy !req
147. Hey! Drop that!Copy !req
148. Stop!Copy !req
149. Come on!Copy !req
150. Fucker!Copy !req
151. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
152. Hey, Lincoln, what's up?
Where is everybody?Copy !req
153. Don't know, Doc.
No one showed up yet.Copy !req
154. How's the baby business?Copy !req
155. - It's good.
- Yeah?Copy !req
156. - Yeah.
- Gotta warm up.Copy !req
157. How's everything for you?Copy !req
158. You, uh, you still workin'
at that nightclub?Copy !req
159. Oh, no.Copy !req
160. Quit that a while back,
too much strife.Copy !req
161. Working for the, uh,
Manufacturers Mineral Company...Copy !req
162. hauling, uh, rocks and gravel.Copy !req
163. It's been cool.Copy !req
164. I was gonna ask you
about that shirt,Copy !req
165. - but it says "Leonard" on it.
- That's my name, Doc.Copy !req
166. Lincoln's just a nickname my
teammates gave me in college.Copy !req
167. - Basketball teammates?
- Yep.Copy !req
168. They used to call me "Link"Copy !req
169. because, uh,
when I joined the squad,Copy !req
170. fellas said they no longer had
a weak link in the lineup.Copy !req
171. Then that became "Lincoln,"Copy !req
172. because I led 'em out of the
slavery of a third place team.Copy !req
173. I guess it doesn't surprise me
you were such a stud in college.Copy !req
174. - Yeah?
- When we first started playing together,Copy !req
175. - before you got old and slow.
- Oh, damn, man.Copy !req
176. I, uh, I thought you played well
enough to have been pro.Copy !req
177. I almost did, Doc,
but it wasn't in the cards.Copy !req
178. Huh. Why not?Copy !req
179. Well, I'll tell you the story
if you want to hear it.Copy !req
180. - Yeah, sure.
- All right.Copy !req
181. Whoo. Good shot.Copy !req
182. It was my sophomore year...Copy !req
183. and we had a real good team.Copy !req
184. I mean, real good.Copy !req
185. We had, uh,
just won the big game.Copy !req
186. - Clinched our conference.
- Wow.Copy !req
187. And, uh... damn.Copy !req
188. It was like a dream, Doc.Copy !req
189. Like a real dream.Copy !req
190. They get in this huge
car accident and that's it.Copy !req
191. That's it.
His career's over.Copy !req
192. It's like overCopy !req
193. and like right, right
when he would turn pro, too.Copy !req
194. It's, it's,
it's like a crusher.Copy !req
195. He's always got these pieces
of gauze taped to his arm.Copy !req
196. Turns out the poor guy's
got kidney failure.Copy !req
197. Jesus.Copy !req
198. It's amazing how you can know
someone for so long,Copy !req
199. but you never really know 'em.Copy !req
200. Wow.Copy !req
201. He's got these terrible,
cracked teeth.Copy !req
202. I was thinking about paying
for him to go to the dentist,Copy !req
203. but I don't know.Copy !req
204. Well, you know, if his passion's
really basketball...Copy !req
205. - Mmm.
- ... you should talk to Ron's sisterCopy !req
206. about that school she runs.Copy !req
207. Maybe they have
a coaching job open.Copy !req
208. That's not a bad idea.Copy !req
209. Hi.Copy !req
210. Sorry to bother you,
Dr. Lang,Copy !req
211. but when your guys broke
through your wall the other dayCopy !req
212. a bunch of dust
got into my house.Copy !req
213. Oh. I'm really sorry
about that.Copy !req
214. I also, I, I noticed that you'reCopy !req
215. expanding your front
room towards our house.Copy !req
216. - Right.
- I looked it up for me on the internet.Copy !req
217. The code is to leave
a five foot passage.Copy !req
218. What can I do?Copy !req
219. You can't see it anymore
because I spent hoursCopy !req
220. cleaning everything with
white vinegar and a toothbrush.Copy !req
221. But you can
see it on the TV here.Copy !req
222. Oh.Copy !req
223. Wow, well, I can have the guys
working on my projectCopy !req
224. come by and clean up for you.Copy !req
225. I hardly think that a,
a laborerCopy !req
226. who hammers and saws
all day would knowCopy !req
227. how to clean my house.Copy !req
228. Yeah, you might be right
about that.Copy !req
229. And this has been very,
very hard on me.Copy !req
230. I mean, with all this dust just,
it's just floating around.Copy !req
231. Just look!
It's everywhere! See?Copy !req
232. It's everywhere!
Here, you see it?Copy !req
233. I mean, you're a doctor.Copy !req
234. You've heard of
environmental illnesses.Copy !req
235. - Sure, I've heard of 'em.
- That's, that's why I keep thisCopy !req
236. basil leaf pinned to my lapel.
It purifies the air.Copy !req
237. My naprapath suggested it.Copy !req
238. It's been a lifesaver.Copy !req
239. Well, I'm very happy to pay for
a professional cleaning serviceCopy !req
240. if you need it.
Whatever the cost.Copy !req
241. You give me the bill,
I'll write the check.Copy !req
242. I just want you to be happy.Copy !req
243. That's very nice of you.Copy !req
244. Not at all.Copy !req
245. All right,
I should get goin', so...Copy !req
246. - Dr. Lang?
- Yeah?Copy !req
247. I heard you last night...Copy !req
248. try to scare away
your raccoons.Copy !req
249. Oh, I'm sorry about that.Copy !req
250. That's OK.Copy !req
251. I don't sleep much anyway.Copy !req
252. - You don't sleep?
- No.Copy !req
253. I get a little
every few weeks, but...Copy !req
254. basically
I'm a night creature.Copy !req
255. Huh.Copy !req
256. Well, I could get you some
samples of AmbienCopy !req
257. from the office.
It might help with that.Copy !req
258. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
259. You know what?Copy !req
260. I'll drop 'em in your mailboxCopy !req
261. when I get home from work.Copy !req
262. Nealy!Copy !req
263. Wow, this stuff is burning
the skin of my handCopy !req
264. just touching it!Copy !req
265. I doubt a raccoonCopy !req
266. is gonna come back hereCopy !req
267. after he snorts up
a nose full of this.Copy !req
268. So... I read online today
about this guy...Copy !req
269. he sticks a barrel
into his grassCopy !req
270. and he throws steaks in,
and during the night,Copy !req
271. the raccoons, they jump in,Copy !req
272. but they can't climb out.Copy !req
273. He runs a hose from his garage out
of the tailpipe from his car,Copy !req
274. he sticks a lid on
and asphyxiates them.Copy !req
275. You know, I really don't feel
like talking about thisCopy !req
276. five nights a week.Copy !req
277. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to bore you.Copy !req
278. We should re-landscape
without sod,Copy !req
279. like I keep telling you.Copy !req
280. You know, fifteen hundred
square feet of grassCopy !req
281. and a new irrigation system
was expensive.Copy !req
282. You just don't throw it away.Copy !req
283. Please don't use
that tone with me.Copy !req
284. I didn't use any tone with you.Copy !req
285. OK, don't deny using a tone
when you use a tone.Copy !req
286. I'm not crazy, I know
what I just heard.Copy !req
287. I didn't call you crazy.Copy !req
288. But you implied it,
though, didn't you?Copy !req
289. As if I'm not sane enough
to judge your tone of voice.Copy !req
290. - Maybe you are crazy.
- Oh, oh, right.Copy !req
291. Oh, oh, now the truth
comes out.Copy !req
292. - Well, you want to know the truth?
- Yeah, sure, I love the truth.Copy !req
293. OK. The truth is,
you are the crazy one, OK?Copy !req
294. - Right, yes, of course I am. Yeah.
- With these goddamn raccoons,Copy !req
295. you are acting like a complete
fucking deranged moron.Copy !req
296. Now I'm acting like
a fucking deranged moron?Copy !req
297. - Keep your fucking voice down.
- You keep your fuckin' voice down.Copy !req
298. Don't you dare wake up Miles.Copy !req
299. This is it! This is perfect!Copy !req
300. This is just what you want,
isn't it?Copy !req
301. - What is what I want?
- You want me to get crazyCopy !req
302. - so you can remind me of how crazy I get...
- Oh, mission accomplished!Copy !req
303. when you make me
apologize to you!Copy !req
304. You're crazy with your
fucking Indian pepper bullshit!Copy !req
305. Hey! I'm working on our
fucking lawn for our son!Copy !req
306. - What?
- But of course I'm the crazy one!Copy !req
307. And of course you have no
fucking responsibilityCopy !req
308. - at all in this fight!
- You know what,Copy !req
309. just go fuck one
of your raccoons!Copy !req
310. More likely than fucking you!Copy !req
311. Hi, Jeffrey.
Fancy meeting you here.Copy !req
312. Uh, here's for
your cleaning service.Copy !req
313. Thank you.Copy !req
314. Oh, your timing's impeccable.Copy !req
315. I have a surprise for you,
come on in.Copy !req
316. I'd love to come in,
but I've gotta get to work.Copy !req
317. Come on in.Copy !req
318. I won't bite.Copy !req
319. Now just wait here, just a sec.Copy !req
320. OK.Copy !req
321. I found these really
great blueberriesCopy !req
322. at the farmer's
market the other dayCopy !req
323. and it inspired
me to do some baking.Copy !req
324. So...Copy !req
325. I hope you like pies.Copy !req
326. Oh, you didn't have to do that.Copy !req
327. Well, the blueberries
were so beautiful,Copy !req
328. I had to do something
with them.Copy !req
329. Did you know they're
a superfood?Copy !req
330. And, and the crust
is gluten-freeCopy !req
331. which means I didn't use flour.Copy !req
332. I used spelt.Copy !req
333. By the way...Copy !req
334. I'm sleeping
so much better,Copy !req
335. thanks to your
magic little pills.Copy !req
336. Oh, that's good to hear.Copy !req
337. And Jeff, you haven't
seen my MatthewCopy !req
338. wandering around the
neighborhood, have you?Copy !req
339. - Uh...
- My cat.Copy !req
340. - Your cat?
- He didn't come home last night,Copy !req
341. but you know how cats are,
nine lives and all.Copy !req
342. Actually, I was thinking about
buying a miniature cameraCopy !req
343. and attaching it to his collarCopy !req
344. to see where
he skulks around to.Copy !req
345. - Oh, that's, uh, an idea.
- Yeah.Copy !req
346. Thank you.Copy !req
347. Hey, babe.
Thanks for writing.Copy !req
348. I really would love to get
together with youCopy !req
349. one of these days
for a, uh, a rubdown.Copy !req
350. Hope to see you soon.Copy !req
351. And if we do get together,Copy !req
352. don't forget
to bring your friend...Copy !req
353. Mary Jane.Copy !req
354. You're sweating.Copy !req
355. Well, I walked here.Copy !req
356. I tried to get
here as fast as I could.Copy !req
357. Is everything all right?
What's goin' on?Copy !req
358. Yeah, just needed to talk
to a friend and have a drink.Copy !req
359. - You want one?
- Of course.Copy !req
360. Have I ever said no to that
question after twelve?Copy !req
361. So what are we
talkin' about here?Copy !req
362. We are talking about...Copy !req
363. infidelity.Copy !req
364. — I believe you have
some experience with that.Copy !req
365. Uh, yes, I do.Copy !req
366. Uh, is Mister Virgin Mary
being unfaithful?Copy !req
367. No.Copy !req
368. Not unfaithful.Copy !req
369. - Not technically.
- Oh.Copy !req
370. But I have been emailing with
girls on the internet.Copy !req
371. Girls on the internet.Copy !req
372. OK, what, what kind of girls
on the internet?Copy !req
373. Sensual massage therapists.Copy !req
374. Oh, you mean whores?Copy !req
375. I guess.Copy !req
376. OK, well, I thinkCopy !req
377. that sleeping with a prostituteCopy !req
378. "technically" counts
as being unfaithful.Copy !req
379. No, no, I am not sleeping
with them, that's the point.Copy !req
380. I just get off on flirting
with them online.Copy !req
381. I don't go through with it.Copy !req
382. Though truthfully,Copy !req
383. I do think about it.Copy !req
384. When was the last time
you and Nealy had sex?Copy !req
385. Oh, uh...Copy !req
386. - ... it was make-up sex.
- Really?Copy !req
387. Yeah.Copy !req
388. Do you wanna hear about
it?Copy !req
389. - Yes, of course.
- OK.Copy !req
390. Uh, well,
I was fuckin' around online,Copy !req
391. you know, looking up porn,
checking out my internet chicks,Copy !req
392. my net whores.Copy !req
393. - Oh, God, I never learn.
- No, you don't.Copy !req
394. All right, all right.Copy !req
395. Anyway, a few hours later,Copy !req
396. I get a call from Nealy.Copy !req
397. - She's read all my emails.
- No!Copy !req
398. Yeah. Suffice to say,
she is not too pleased.Copy !req
399. — Of course,
I can't leave to go talk to her in person.Copy !req
400. My patient's labor's going on
all night, so the next morning,Copy !req
401. I have some flowers
delivered to her storeCopy !req
402. with a very cheesy love poem.Copy !req
403. But when I finally get home,
she's still at her shop,Copy !req
404. so I go for a run
to clear my headCopy !req
405. and I decide to make a whole
romantic dinner for her.Copy !req
406. It was going great.Copy !req
407. It seems like
we were really communicatingCopy !req
408. until she just gets weird.Copy !req
409. She gets really emotional,
really serious,Copy !req
410. and then she says
something like,Copy !req
411. "I think about going outCopy !req
412. and fucking other people,
too. "Copy !req
413. I don't know, it was so weird.Copy !req
414. It just gets weird.Copy !req
415. She turns and she runs offCopy !req
416. and we end up doing it.Copy !req
417. You know, having sex,
and that was like,Copy !req
418. uh... six months ago.Copy !req
419. Huh.Copy !req
420. Well, don't laugh.Copy !req
421. Why not? It's funny, right?Copy !req
422. - Maybe to you.
- It's hilarious.Copy !req
423. But who am I to laugh?Copy !req
424. I think it's been like a year
since Pete and I fucked.Copy !req
425. Wow.Copy !req
426. This place is depressing.Copy !req
427. What do you, what do you say
we order a couple moreCopy !req
428. and take 'em to go?Copy !req
429. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
430. Do you think
the bartender's on to us?Copy !req
431. We have to make
a quick getaway.Copy !req
432. No, no, no,
not with open alcohol.Copy !req
433. Come on, let's
walk around a bit.Copy !req
434. - It's a nice day.
- OK, OK.Copy !req
435. All right.Copy !req
436. So what happened
with your raccoons?Copy !req
437. They still driving you crazy?Copy !req
438. Yes. In fact,Copy !req
439. I was thinking about
buying a gun and camping outCopy !req
440. - on my roof to shoot them.
- Oh, Pete has a gun.Copy !req
441. - You could just borrow it.
- Are you serious, he has a gun?Copy !req
442. I swear to God, you could blow
your varmints to smithereens!Copy !req
443. - Oh, wow.
- Yeah.Copy !req
444. Mind if I get inside?Copy !req
445. No, just don't tell him.
It's his precious.Copy !req
446. Yeah, of course it is.Copy !req
447. - Is it loaded?
- Yeah.Copy !req
448. No.Copy !req
449. I double checked.Copy !req
450. You know, I have never
held a gun before.Copy !req
451. Really?Copy !req
452. Do you feel macho?Copy !req
453. Oh, yeah. Like Magnum, P.I.Copy !req
454. What do you say,
for old times sake?Copy !req
455. The life of a psychotherapist.Copy !req
456. - So lucky.
- Am I lucky?Copy !req
457. Uh, if you get called into your
office for an emergency,Copy !req
458. all you have to do is
talk to one of your patients.Copy !req
459. I think we went through all
of medical school high.Copy !req
460. Maybe we did.Copy !req
461. I just can't seem to remember.Copy !req
462. When the net chicks say
they're 420-friendly,Copy !req
463. that's when they really get me.Copy !req
464. Really?Copy !req
465. Yeah.Copy !req
466. I used to love screwing
while stoned.Copy !req
467. I found it to be very freeing.Copy !req
468. Unfortunately for me,Copy !req
469. since Nealy got pregnant,Copy !req
470. just the idea of marijuana
makes her paranoid.Copy !req
471. "Cool it Now" playing]Copy !req
472. Come on, come on with me,
right here.Copy !req
473. - Right here, come on.
- No.Copy !req
474. I have... No.Copy !req
475. - I, I, I, I have an idea.
- What, what, what?Copy !req
476. I have an idea.Copy !req
477. What? What?Copy !req
478. I think that you
should take this home...Copy !req
479. and smoke it.Copy !req
480. Listen to me.Copy !req
481. I think you should
climb in bed...Copy !req
482. OK, take this,
and lay some pipe.Copy !req
483. Sounds like a great idea,
but that will not happen.Copy !req
484. - Why not?
- Oh.Copy !req
485. Just
the smell of it,Copy !req
486. just, just the smell...Copy !req
487. it just
makes her uptight.Copy !req
488. So smoke it outside.
She won't even know.Copy !req
489. "Shoop']Copy !req
490. Searching for Hell.Copy !req
491. Still searching.Copy !req
492. Hello.
Hello, my name is Lilith...Copy !req
493. My name is
Lilith WassermanCopy !req
494. and I'm calling
about my cat, Matthew...Copy !req
495. who is missing.Copy !req
496. OK, little man.Copy !req
497. Give Mommy a big hug
and kiss and say, "I love you.Copy !req
498. Brought you breakfast.
Surprise!" OK?Copy !req
499. Now, now, now!Copy !req
500. Hello.Copy !req
501. Hello, good morning.Copy !req
502. Breakfast in bed?Copy !req
503. Wow. Thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
504. - Mmm!
- I'm the luckiest girl in the world.Copy !req
505. You can eat the breakfast
if you want.Copy !req
506. I can? Do you wanna
have some, too?Copy !req
507. Yeah.Copy !req
508. Yeah? You want
a blueberry?Copy !req
509. I already had one.Copy !req
510. Hey, can I smell this flower?Copy !req
511. Absolutely.Copy !req
512. Hey, Link!Copy !req
513. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
514. What the heck you doing here?Copy !req
515. - Lookin' for you.
- Seriously?Copy !req
516. I want to talk to you
about something.Copy !req
517. You came all the way out
to the mineral plantCopy !req
518. to talk to me?Copy !req
519. I had the day off.
It's a short drive.Copy !req
520. Well, it's good to see you.Copy !req
521. Well, I hope you won't
be offendedCopy !req
522. by what I'm about to say.Copy !req
523. I don't know.
What are you about to say?Copy !req
524. Well, look, I took
the liberty of contactingCopy !req
525. a friend of a friend
who runs a middle school.Copy !req
526. It's a good school
with a serious athletic program.Copy !req
527. Turns out a coach
over there is leavingCopy !req
528. and they'd love to interview you
if you're interested.Copy !req
529. I hope that's not insulting.Copy !req
530. Oh, no, Doc.Copy !req
531. I'm... touched.Copy !req
532. Mind if I ask you why
you're doing this for me?Copy !req
533. I just...Copy !req
534. I guess I just felt like it.Copy !req
535. Here, um...Copy !req
536. Here's the coach's
name and number.Copy !req
537. He's expecting your call.Copy !req
538. My number's on there too,
just in case.Copy !req
539. Thanks, Doc.Copy !req
540. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
541. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
542. Dr. Lang! Dr. Lang!Copy !req
543. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
544. Doc...Copy !req
545. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
546. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
547. Dr. Lang!Copy !req
548. I think you left this
in my car.Copy !req
549. Pete, you wanna go in...Copy !req
550. Eh! There's nothin'
to talk about.Copy !req
551. Becca's already
spilled the beans.Copy !req
552. I taught you how to make pesto,
for God's sakes.Copy !req
553. You sleep with my wife?Copy !req
554. I can't
talk about this here...Copy !req
555. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
556. Rebecca, it's Jeff. It's urgent.
Please call me back.Copy !req
557. Hey, there.Copy !req
558. I'm sorry you had to see that
back in my office.Copy !req
559. I'm not sure what you
actually overheard.Copy !req
560. May I ask what you
were doin' there?Copy !req
561. I need to show you something.Copy !req
562. What is it?Copy !req
563. Oh, my God.Copy !req
564. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
565. Is there anything
I can do for you?Copy !req
566. Sing with me?Copy !req
567. - Sing?
- Sing with me?Copy !req
568. Aww.Copy !req
569. Oh, God, no.Copy !req
570. Oh, God, no!Copy !req
571. No! No!Copy !req
572. Oh, my God.Copy !req
573. Why?Copy !req
574. Why?Copy !req
575. Ohh... no.Copy !req
576. He was so wonderful.Copy !req
577. All he wanted
to do was play.Copy !req
578. I could really use a hug.Copy !req
579. It's OK. It's OK.Copy !req
580. There you go.Copy !req
581. Jeffrey?Copy !req
582. Do you know Sonya Fitzpatrick?Copy !req
583. - No.
- She's a pet medium on TV,Copy !req
584. but she has a private practice.Copy !req
585. And when my first
Yorkie, Max, died,Copy !req
586. she gave me a lot of comfort.
So...Copy !req
587. so when...Copy !req
588. when I finallyCopy !req
589. found Matthew's body...Copy !req
590. wedged like,Copy !req
591. like a piece of debris...Copy !req
592. between the recycle bin
and the garbage,Copy !req
593. I called her,
and do you know what she said?Copy !req
594. What?Copy !req
595. As he was dying...Copy !req
596. in excruciating pain...Copy !req
597. he was
wondering where I was.Copy !req
598. Well, he's, he's at peace now.Copy !req
599. Maybe.Copy !req
600. Maybe he's lost in the dark
swirling abyss of nothingness.Copy !req
601. I'm sorry.Copy !req
602. I'm really, really sorry, Lila.Copy !req
603. Of course you are.
Of course you're sorry.Copy !req
604. Because you poisoned him
trying to kill your raccoons.Copy !req
605. It's OK.Copy !req
606. I know you weren't
trying to hurt him.Copy !req
607. You were trying to make it...Copy !req
608. nice and prettyCopy !req
609. for your family in the backyard.Copy !req
610. I bet Mrs. Nealy Lang was...Copy !req
611. I bet she was really upset
that her sod was all messed up.Copy !req
612. I bet...Copy !req
613. I bet she put a lot
of pressure on you...Copy !req
614. to fix it.Copy !req
615. Can I
tell you a secret?Copy !req
616. - Open.
- No.Copy !req
617. Please.
I am sorry for your loss,Copy !req
618. but I am your neighbor
and I'm a married man, Lila.Copy !req
619. You forgot to mention
that I disgust you.Copy !req
620. No.Copy !req
621. No...Copy !req
622. Oh, don't lie to me,
just say it.Copy !req
623. - That's not it.
- Oh, "married man"?Copy !req
624. "Married man"? Please.Copy !req
625. You're a dirty philanderer.Copy !req
626. You're stupid, too.Copy !req
627. What, you're just leaving clues
around for somebody to find.Copy !req
628. Careless!Copy !req
629. Do you want to be caught?Copy !req
630. Maybe you should.Copy !req
631. Maybe you should get caught.Copy !req
632. Maybe I should go
out on the streetCopy !req
633. and I should scream it
for the world to hearCopy !req
634. that Dr. Jeffrey Lang is a
cheating, cat-killing liar!Copy !req
635. You know, it's against the lawCopy !req
636. to kill wildlife in this state!Copy !req
637. Statute ten-dash-thirteen
twenty-six.Copy !req
638. You could do
six months in jail.Copy !req
639. And I don't know,
I don't know.Copy !req
640. I don't know what to do here.Copy !req
641. I'm feeling very...Copy !req
642. swimmy...Copy !req
643. swimmy with deathCopy !req
644. and saw dust and...Copy !req
645. power hammers
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
646. We didn't do any construction
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
647. Well, how would I knowCopy !req
648. when you gave me those bizarre
pills that doped me?Copy !req
649. Excuse me.Copy !req
650. I'm sorry.Copy !req
651. I didn't mean to shout at you.Copy !req
652. I just...Copy !req
653. I'm very upset about Matthew.Copy !req
654. Of course you are.Copy !req
655. The main thing is...Copy !req
656. I wanna somehow find a wayCopy !req
657. to try to make it up to you.Copy !req
658. So in a few days,Copy !req
659. when you've
had a chance to mourn,Copy !req
660. we can get coffee
and discuss it.Copy !req
661. - I'd like that.
- Good.Copy !req
662. - I'd really like that.
- Good.Copy !req
663. OK, great. Now...Copy !req
664. - Dr. Lang?
- Yeah?Copy !req
665. I had a really funny dream
a few nights ago.Copy !req
666. You and I, we lived
in the countryside.Copy !req
667. In England.Copy !req
668. And we rode horses everywhere.Copy !req
669. And mine was a...Copy !req
670. Oh, he was a big white stallionCopy !req
671. with a silvery mane. And yours
was a beautiful Arabian.Copy !req
672. And we were in the forest...Copy !req
673. and the light was dim,Copy !req
674. and we were galloping
past each other,Copy !req
675. we were passing each other by
when we both...Copy !req
676. we made our animals stop.Copy !req
677. I mean, I know you could say
it was just a dreamCopy !req
678. but it...Copy !req
679. What happened next felt...Copy !req
680. It felt very real to me.Copy !req
681. And... if you wouldCopy !req
682. like me to show you
what I did...Copy !req
683. You, you don't,
you don't even have to agree,Copy !req
684. just... just don't disagree.Copy !req
685. And then it will be like...Copy !req
686. you're not doing
anything at all.Copy !req
687. I wouldn't want
you to get in trouble.Copy !req
688. Oh, God.Copy !req
689. Oh, my God.Copy !req
690. Yeah, that...Copy !req
691. - Wait.
- Hmm?Copy !req
692. Don't stop.Copy !req
693. I feel you...
getting bigger.Copy !req
694. Wait...Copy !req
695. No, no, I want you in me.Copy !req
696. No, no, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
697. Please! Lila!Copy !req
698. Inside of me!Copy !req
699. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
700. Ready?Copy !req
701. - Look! Who's that?
- Hey.Copy !req
702. - Daddy's home.
- Hey, buddy.Copy !req
703. Yeah!Copy !req
704. Very cute.Copy !req
705. Peter Mazzoni stopped by
the house today.Copy !req
706. Peter Mazzoni stopped by
the house?Copy !req
707. Yeah. He said you guys wereCopy !req
708. working on some deal together?Copy !req
709. Right, yeah. Uh...Copy !req
710. he wants me to invest
in a new restaurant of his.Copy !req
711. - Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
712. Wow, well, everything that guy
touches turns to gold.Copy !req
713. Maybe we should consider it.Copy !req
714. Yeah, maybe.Copy !req
715. Friend here to see you.Copy !req
716. All right, thanks, Jen.Copy !req
717. I'll be with you in a minute,
Jeff. Have a seat.Copy !req
718. So...Copy !req
719. Afternoon.Copy !req
720. I heard you stopped by
my house.Copy !req
721. Yeah. There's no restraining
order on me yet, is there?Copy !req
722. - What do you want?
- What do I want?Copy !req
723. I wanna fuck your wife
up the assCopy !req
724. while your two year old watches
me hack you into bits.Copy !req
725. That's what I want.Copy !req
726. I've decided not to do it.Copy !req
727. OK.Copy !req
728. Instead, I'm gonna
offer you a choice.Copy !req
729. You pick up this phone,
right now,Copy !req
730. you call your wife and you tell
her what you did or...Copy !req
731. or you give me
a hundred thousand dollarsCopy !req
732. in cash for my silence.Copy !req
733. Hey.Copy !req
734. - Thanks for meeting me.
- Of course.Copy !req
735. So am I fucked?Copy !req
736. What do you think?Copy !req
737. I think he's a...Copy !req
738. an Italian guy
from New JerseyCopy !req
739. who likes to back
up his threats.Copy !req
740. So...Copy !req
741. Did you end up meeting
with Pete today or what?Copy !req
742. - Yeah.
- Yeah? And?Copy !req
743. What's the matter?Copy !req
744. I hope I didn't keep you
waitin' too long.Copy !req
745. I got a little lost on the way.Copy !req
746. No problem.Copy !req
747. So... I'm sorry,
I couldn't get it all.Copy !req
748. We haven't saved much
since we bought our houseCopy !req
749. but I was able to get
seventy-five thousandCopy !req
750. out of our home equity line.Copy !req
751. Why in the world
did you just do that?Copy !req
752. You ever hear
the old saying,Copy !req
753. "You pays your money
and you takes your choice"?Copy !req
754. No.Copy !req
755. Well, now you have.Copy !req
756. By the way,
Becca and I are done,Copy !req
757. so feel free
to go take advantageCopy !req
758. and poke around
that cumhole all you wantCopy !req
759. 'cause I don't care anymore.Copy !req
760. I gave you a choice.
I gave you a choice, Jeffrey.Copy !req
761. You could've told your wife
the truthCopy !req
762. instead of meetin' me here.Copy !req
763. You could've been a good guy,
but no, you're a rat,Copy !req
764. just like my wife.Copy !req
765. You're a little punk rat,Copy !req
766. a boy man rat. Look at you.Copy !req
767. Just look at you.Copy !req
768. And you deserve a lot worseCopy !req
769. than losing some petty
cash to the Skagit River.Copy !req
770. You know, when I
discovered what you did,Copy !req
771. I was gonna kill you.Copy !req
772. But then I rememberedCopy !req
773. I'm not that kind of man.Copy !req
774. I'm the kind of man
who makes a mistakeCopy !req
775. and then makes amends.Copy !req
776. I'm the kind of man who got into
a drunk driving accidentCopy !req
777. and nearly killed a kid,
but did I get some fancy-pantsCopy !req
778. lawyer to get me off scot-free 'cause I
was just below the legal limit? Uh-uh!Copy !req
779. I prayed for forgiveness,Copy !req
780. and I pled guilty.
And when the judge ordered meCopy !req
781. to pay a million dollars
to the kid's familyCopy !req
782. and he sent me to jail
for a month, did I stop there?Copy !req
783. No. I started helping people.
Volunteering.Copy !req
784. Philanthropy.Copy !req
785. 'Cause that's
the kind of guy I am.Copy !req
786. You may wish you're that
kinda man,Copy !req
787. but you're not.Copy !req
788. You're a scumbag home-wrecker.Copy !req
789. You wrecked my home, Jeffrey.Copy !req
790. You wrecked my home.Copy !req
791. And I could just as easily
wreck yours with one phone call.Copy !req
792. But I don't need to do that.Copy !req
793. Because you're the kinda guyCopy !req
794. who's gonna
fuck it all up himself.Copy !req
795. Hey, Lincoln, how are you?Copy !req
796. Very good, very good.Copy !req
797. So guess what?
I got the job, Doc.Copy !req
798. No kidding, that's great news.Copy !req
799. Actually, I start tomorrow.Copy !req
800. And to celebrate,
this weekend my wife and ICopy !req
801. were thinking we could
have you and your familyCopy !req
802. over to dinner.Copy !req
803. What's that noise, Lincoln?Copy !req
804. Oh, I'm all tied up to my
dialysis machine right now.Copy !req
805. Damn thing starts makin' noises
for no good reason sometimes.Copy !req
806. Hello?Copy !req
807. Hello?Copy !req
808. Thanks for visiting me, Doc.Copy !req
809. Nobody ever visits me here.Copy !req
810. Of course.Copy !req
811. So I hope you don't mind
me askin',Copy !req
812. I was just wondering what your
doctor says in terms of, uh,Copy !req
813. how long it is before
your kidneys fail?Copy !req
814. A couple years, if I'm lucky.Copy !req
815. So they say.Copy !req
816. But I'm feeling strong,Copy !req
817. and the way I see it,Copy !req
818. if God can create
the earth in seven days,Copy !req
819. why can't I get luckyCopy !req
820. and find myself a kidney
in the next year or two?Copy !req
821. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
822. I hope I didn't depress
you with that.Copy !req
823. Today's a really good day.Copy !req
824. I know, yeah, yeah, of course.Copy !req
825. - To Doc.
- To Doc.Copy !req
826. A saint.Copy !req
827. Oh, not a saint.Copy !req
828. Well, in my book you are.Copy !req
829. And one heck of a
basketball player.Copy !req
830. Oh, now
are you just saying thatCopy !req
831. - to make him feel good?
- Well, let me tell you,Copy !req
832. if your husband understood
how to play defense,Copy !req
833. had a better jump shot,
and was about six foot nine,Copy !req
834. he'd be killin' 'em
in the NBA right now.Copy !req
835. Hey, hey, you mind if I
say a prayer before we eat?Copy !req
836. Of course not.Copy !req
837. Dear Heavenly Father,Copy !req
838. we thank you for the food
that's been prepared before us,Copy !req
839. for the nourishment
and strengthening of our bodies.Copy !req
840. In the name of Christ Jesus,
amen.Copy !req
841. Amen.Copy !req
842. - All right, you guys can eat.
- Whoo.Copy !req
843. May I have the salt and pepper?Copy !req
844. So you haven't told me
how the team is yet.Copy !req
845. Doc, these girls hustle
like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
846. And there's some talent
on the team, too.Copy !req
847. Oh, that's great.Copy !req
848. Really great.Copy !req
849. But I've gotta tell you,Copy !req
850. what I like
the best about it isCopy !req
851. my kids are finally excited about
something their daddy does.Copy !req
852. Thank you, Doc.Copy !req
853. You made this possible, bro.Copy !req
854. You changed
my life, Doc.Copy !req
855. So why can't Angela donate?Copy !req
856. Oh, she has some kind of
congenital heart defect,Copy !req
857. which means an operation
would be risky.Copy !req
858. He seems so alive,
you know, and healthy.Copy !req
859. He's so far down on the list to
get a transplant it's not funny.Copy !req
860. I know it's kind of
an absurd thought, but...Copy !req
861. why shouldn't it be me?Copy !req
862. Here, I've been
doing a little research.Copy !req
863. "Living organ donation. "Copy !req
864. Wow.Copy !req
865. OK, you're serious.Copy !req
866. You've been thinking
about this for a while.Copy !req
867. Well, a bit.Copy !req
868. This is...Copy !req
869. This is amazing.Copy !req
870. I'm just, I'm, I'm worried,Copy !req
871. uh, what if Miles
needs your kidney one day?Copy !req
872. Well, I thought that we could do
a test to make sure bothCopy !req
873. you and Miles
have healthy kidneys,Copy !req
874. and if so,Copy !req
875. the risk is incredibly small.Copy !req
876. I'm not opposed
to doing some tests.Copy !req
877. I actually think it's a
really wonderful thoughtCopy !req
878. to do something truly selfless.Copy !req
879. You weren't
expecting this.Copy !req
880. All right,
there you go, there you go.Copy !req
881. OK, pick up the rhythm, guys.Copy !req
882. All right, good, good.
Right back to the other side.Copy !req
883. Lincoln.Copy !req
884. Hey, Doc.
What are you doin' here?Copy !req
885. How's it goin'?Copy !req
886. It's goin' great.
The girls are great.Copy !req
887. Yeah. Uh, I come
bearing some good news.Copy !req
888. You know I like good news.Copy !req
889. After dinner at your house,
my wife and I were talkingCopy !req
890. about your,
your health situation.Copy !req
891. And um, long story short,Copy !req
892. the last few weeks have been
all about kidney donationCopy !req
893. and we have researched it,
talked about it,Copy !req
894. done a bunch of tests,
and we came to agreeCopy !req
895. that it was
the right thing to do.Copy !req
896. So I called your doctor and...Copy !req
897. Whoa, wait a minute.Copy !req
898. Are you saying what
I think you're sayin'?Copy !req
899. We are a perfect match,
Lincoln.Copy !req
900. The same blood type,
everything.Copy !req
901. Doc, yes!Copy !req
902. - Ahhh!
- Ahhh!Copy !req
903. Man, what am I lookin' at?Copy !req
904. Am I looking at a man
or an angel?Copy !req
905. Ladies, ladies, hold up, hold up.Copy !req
906. This is my friend,
Dr. Lang.Copy !req
907. And he's gonna give me
one of his kidneys!Copy !req
908. I'm gonna live!Copy !req
909. Uh, um, take a break guys.
Oh, man.Copy !req
910. Wow, man.Copy !req
911. Wow, man.Copy !req
912. - Scalpel.
- Scalpel.Copy !req
913. - Sponge.
- Sponge.Copy !req
914. Clamp.Copy !req
915. Clamp.Copy !req
916. Ligature.Copy !req
917. Scissors.Copy !req
918. There's your daddy.Copy !req
919. Shh, shh, shh.Copy !req
920. I don't know
if he's awake. I'm sorry.Copy !req
921. Hey. Hey, little guy.
What's up?Copy !req
922. - Hey, hey, Doc.
- Hey.Copy !req
923. I'm good, thanks.Copy !req
924. All right, sir.Copy !req
925. Oh.Copy !req
926. My heart is warm.Copy !req
927. I got so much love
for you right now, Doc.Copy !req
928. Gimme your hands.Copy !req
929. I'm so glad
this worked out, Lincoln.Copy !req
930. So am I, Doc.Copy !req
931. So am I.Copy !req
932. Oh. My minister came by to
visit me this morning.Copy !req
933. And we were talking about what
a miracle it is, what you did,Copy !req
934. and he had the idea to do
a special service in your honor.Copy !req
935. I don't need to be honored.Copy !req
936. Wouldn't be
for your vanity, Doc.Copy !req
937. It'd be for our congregation,Copy !req
938. to inspire them to do
their own charity work.Copy !req
939. I think it would be,
you know, painless.Copy !req
940. But if you'd prefer not to...Copy !req
941. No. I'll do it.Copy !req
942. Sounds like a good idea.Copy !req
943. It is.Copy !req
944. Aloha.Copy !req
945. I brought you this basil plant.Copy !req
946. These hospitals are so toxic.Copy !req
947. So many germs.Copy !req
948. Thank you. So...Copy !req
949. how'd you know
to find me here?Copy !req
950. You're in the paper.Copy !req
951. What, didn't you know?Copy !req
952. What a wonderful thing
you did for him,Copy !req
953. saving his life, getting him
the job, everything.Copy !req
954. No doubt... you will reap
the positive karmaCopy !req
955. of this for a long time.Copy !req
956. Um... speaking of karma,Copy !req
957. there's something
I need to tell you,Copy !req
958. which may slam the karmic
wheel of fate down on me hard.Copy !req
959. Um...Copy !req
960. I know I shouldn't
have done it...Copy !req
961. but after Matthew was poisonedCopy !req
962. and before our...Copy !req
963. you know...Copy !req
964. I was seeing red
and I calledCopy !req
965. the Department
of Building and SafetyCopy !req
966. and told them
about your construction.Copy !req
967. Anyway, they
finally came by yesterdayCopy !req
968. and they...
they put this on your door.Copy !req
969. I am really sorry, Jeffrey.Copy !req
970. I, I...Copy !req
971. probably would've done
the same thingCopy !req
972. if you'd killed my pet.Copy !req
973. There's something else.Copy !req
974. I'm pregnant.Copy !req
975. With your baby.Copy !req
976. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
977. But you don't need
to be worried.Copy !req
978. It's all gonna be all right.Copy !req
979. It will all work out.Copy !req
980. Things always do.Copy !req
981. No. Things don't
always work out.Copy !req
982. You want me to kill it,
don't you?Copy !req
983. I wanna go in the house.Copy !req
984. We're goin'.Copy !req
985. OK.Copy !req
986. I thought about
fixing it myself,Copy !req
987. but it just didn't
seem worth it.Copy !req
988. Don't worry, it's decaf.Copy !req
989. I, I would never poison
our baby with aCopy !req
990. double shot of real espresso.Copy !req
991. They say it can cause autism.Copy !req
992. Then again,
you're the baby doctor.Copy !req
993. Hey, can I ask, um...Copy !req
994. Are you one hundred percent
certain that you're pregnant?Copy !req
995. Yes.Copy !req
996. I took the test
twice, I peed twice,Copy !req
997. - just to make sure.
- Lila...Copy !req
998. Do you really think,
in your heart,Copy !req
999. that this is the right
thing to do,Copy !req
1000. for you and I to be
having a baby together?Copy !req
1001. Oh... absolutely.
It's a miracle.Copy !req
1002. - No.
- Yes, Jeff.Copy !req
1003. I feel the life
growing inside of me.Copy !req
1004. - No, Lila,
- I can feel itCopy !req
1005. - blooming
- Lila, please.Copy !req
1006. - and blossoming and growing.
- Lila, please. Lila. Look...Copy !req
1007. Lila! What fuckin'
planet do you live on?Copy !req
1008. There is no way, no chance under
any circumstance,Copy !req
1009. that I'll be fathering
a child with you.Copy !req
1010. Jeffrey, I want you
to understandCopy !req
1011. that once our little one
is bornCopy !req
1012. I'm not expecting child supportCopy !req
1013. or anything like that.Copy !req
1014. I just want our little one
to grow up knowing his father.Copy !req
1015. And if you think about it,
it's perfect.Copy !req
1016. The little one
will be right next door.Copy !req
1017. You can come by and visit
any time you like.Copy !req
1018. You can be like
the charming uncleCopy !req
1019. and that... that wife of
yours never has to find out.Copy !req
1020. She won't know.Copy !req
1021. Bye.Copy !req
1022. See you later.Copy !req
1023. I... I don't have
any medical insuranceCopy !req
1024. so I thought maybeCopy !req
1025. you could help me out.Copy !req
1026. You wouldn't put anything
up thereCopy !req
1027. that would hurt
the baby, would you?Copy !req
1028. No. I wouldn't do that.Copy !req
1029. Does that mean...?Copy !req
1030. It's alive.Copy !req
1031. Dang, Doc.Copy !req
1032. That's a pretty tight spot
this woman's got you in.Copy !req
1033. You know,
Doc, my mother used to say,Copy !req
1034. "It's impossible to reason
with an unreasonable person. "Copy !req
1035. I think that's what
you're dealing with,Copy !req
1036. with this woman here.Copy !req
1037. I can barely see straight.Copy !req
1038. And the things I'm thinking,
you, you couldn't imagine.Copy !req
1039. Like what?Copy !req
1040. Like all day...Copy !req
1041. I'm fantasizing
about her dying.Copy !req
1042. I must've imagined it
a hundred different ways.Copy !req
1043. Actually, last night,
I had a dream about it.Copy !req
1044. A wish fulfillment dream,
huh, Doc?Copy !req
1045. I guess so.Copy !req
1046. What was it?Copy !req
1047. It was ridiculous.Copy !req
1048. There were these two
football playersCopy !req
1049. runnin' through the woods
in the park by my houseCopy !req
1050. where I sometimes go joggingCopy !req
1051. and I see her walking her
little dog every night at dusk.Copy !req
1052. They're just galloping
through the woodsCopy !req
1053. in full game day uniforms.Copy !req
1054. One of 'em hurls
a ball through the air.Copy !req
1055. As it sails,Copy !req
1056. I realize it's an arrow.Copy !req
1057. It splits her head wide open.Copy !req
1058. I woke up totally relieved.Copy !req
1059. Until I realized
it was just a dream.Copy !req
1060. Sick, huh?Copy !req
1061. It's gonna be all right, Doc.Copy !req
1062. It's gonna be all right.Copy !req
1063. Meredith just called and saidCopy !req
1064. that Peter and Rebecca
are getting divorced.Copy !req
1065. "Once upon a time,
but not long ago,Copy !req
1066. a mom and her girl
were folding washed clothes.Copy !req
1067. When suddenly,
Mom noticed something amiss.Copy !req
1068. Something weird, something
crazy, a real mystery this!Copy !req
1069. 'Where are the socks?'Copy !req
1070. asked Mom with a frown.Copy !req
1071. "I can't find them up.Copy !req
1072. - I can't find them down. "
- Hey.Copy !req
1073. Hey. Have you seen
my keys anywhere?Copy !req
1074. No, I have no idea.Copy !req
1075. Uh, have you looked
in your purse?Copy !req
1076. Yes, of course I looked
in my purse.Copy !req
1077. You didn't take them with you
when you left the houseCopy !req
1078. this morning, did you?Copy !req
1079. No. What about
Miles' toy box?Copy !req
1080. Remember when he hid
the remote in there?Copy !req
1081. Oh!Copy !req
1082. Oh, please, please.Copy !req
1083. I, I have a...Copy !req
1084. Please don't do it.Copy !req
1085. Please. Please.Copy !req
1086. Hello?Copy !req
1087. - Jeff.
- Hey, honey.Copy !req
1088. So I come home for lunch
today to find outCopy !req
1089. that our whackadoodle neighborCopy !req
1090. got herself shot dead
with a bow and arrow.Copy !req
1091. It happened in the park.
Less than a mile away.Copy !req
1092. The police are now going
door to door.Copy !req
1093. Sort of puts a damper
on tonight's celebration,Copy !req
1094. doesn't it?Copy !req
1095. Thank you, Jesus!Copy !req
1096. Thank you.Copy !req
1097. That's a plane,
you know what that is.Copy !req
1098. No, that.Copy !req
1099. Oh, that?
I don't know what that is.Copy !req
1100. That was pretty moving, huh?Copy !req
1101. Where, where are we going?Copy !req
1102. Hey.Copy !req
1103. I cheated my way
through med school.Copy !req
1104. What?Copy !req
1105. Cheat sheets.
Very elaborate,Copy !req
1106. written on little pieces
of paper in every pocket.Copy !req
1107. When I was a kid,
I had this doctorCopy !req
1108. who misdiagnosed
my chicken pox as dermatitis.Copy !req
1109. I almost died.
Did I ever tell you that?Copy !req
1110. No.Copy !req
1111. While I was in the hospital,Copy !req
1112. my mother and grandmother
were sitting around,Copy !req
1113. I overheard my grandmother say,Copy !req
1114. "Well, I guess not all
doctors made A's. "Copy !req
1115. Turns out, I became
one of those doctors.Copy !req
1116. I am a "study
at the last minute,Copy !req
1117. slide-by, path of least
resistance...Copy !req
1118. fuckhead, C-plus" doctor.Copy !req
1119. You're a great doctor.Copy !req
1120. Look.Copy !req
1121. No... Jeff!Copy !req
1122. What are you doing?Copy !req
1123. Jeff, stop! Don't!Copy !req
1124. Don't!Copy !req
1125. Stop the car!Copy !req
1126. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1127. Stop it! Stop! No!Copy !req
1128. You are freaking me out.Copy !req
1129. What is going on?Copy !req
1130. I fucked Rebecca.Copy !req
1131. What?Copy !req
1132. I don't mean to hurt you
telling you this.Copy !req
1133. I'm just trying toCopy !req
1134. tell you the
truth for a change.Copy !req
1135. Rebecca Mazzoni.Copy !req
1136. - I only fucked her once.
- Oh, great. Good.Copy !req
1137. But Peter found out.Copy !req
1138. In the meantime...Copy !req
1139. I accidentally...Copy !req
1140. poisoned Lila's catCopy !req
1141. trying to get the raccoons.Copy !req
1142. All in the same day.Copy !req
1143. She followed me to work to
confront me about Matthew...Copy !req
1144. that's her cat...Copy !req
1145. and Peter shows upCopy !req
1146. to confront me about Rebecca.Copy !req
1147. And Lila takes off
without saying a word,Copy !req
1148. so when I go to see
what she wanted...Copy !req
1149. she comes on to me.Copy !req
1150. - And she goes absolutely fucking ballistic.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1151. - Threatens to tell you everything and...
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1152. I guess a part of me wanted
to have sex with herCopy !req
1153. because I did.Copy !req
1154. Wow.Copy !req
1155. Wow.Copy !req
1156. Nealy...Copy !req
1157. uh...Copy !req
1158. so far this has been
the good news.Copy !req
1159. She, uh...Copy !req
1160. she got pregnant.Copy !req
1161. Who got pregnant?Copy !req
1162. Lila.Copy !req
1163. Oh, God.Copy !req
1164. What?Copy !req
1165. The chances of it happening
that one timeCopy !req
1166. at her age are...Copy !req
1167. I...Copy !req
1168. What?Copy !req
1169. But here comes the kicker.Copy !req
1170. I didn't know who to confide in.Copy !req
1171. So I visited...Copy !req
1172. Lincoln.Copy !req
1173. We're sitting there...Copy !req
1174. and I mention to himCopy !req
1175. a dream I had...Copy !req
1176. where Lila's
killed with an arrow.Copy !req
1177. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1178. Nealy, I was just
venting to him.Copy !req
1179. Oh, my God, Jeff.Copy !req
1180. - I didn't ask him to do it.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1181. But he did it.Copy !req
1182. This is real?
This really fucking happened?Copy !req
1183. Oh, my God, Jeff!Copy !req
1184. Jesus! Jesus!Copy !req
1185. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1186. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1187. I don't know why I'm laughing.Copy !req
1188. I don't know.Copy !req
1189. Don't fucking come near me.Copy !req
1190. I fucked somebody, too.Copy !req
1191. Before that, that big fight
we had about the raccoons.Copy !req
1192. Those stupid raccoons.Copy !req
1193. I was fucking somebody.Copy !req
1194. I was having
an affair for months.Copy !req
1195. Six months.Copy !req
1196. He was a customer.Copy !req
1197. I helped him pick out fabric.Copy !req
1198. It was blue corduroy.Copy !req
1199. He worked at the wine shop
down the street.Copy !req
1200. He'd bring me plates
of cheese and salami.Copy !req
1201. It's over now.Copy !req
1202. OK.Copy !req
1203. OK. Yeah.Copy !req
1204. Yeah, OK.Copy !req
1205. I deserve whatever I get.Copy !req
1206. What do you think you deserve?Copy !req
1207. Probably for a piano to fall
from the sky and crush me.Copy !req
1208. Prison.Copy !req
1209. You leave me.Copy !req
1210. Maybe lose my son.Copy !req
1211. I don't know.Copy !req
1212. I fucking killed somebody.Copy !req
1213. I'm responsible.Copy !req
1214. Look what I did
to this fuckin' thing.Copy !req
1215. Do you still love me?Copy !req
1216. Yes.Copy !req
1217. I mean...Copy !req
1218. I don't understand.Copy !req
1219. After everything I've done...Copy !req
1220. I was such an idiot.Copy !req
1221. I've lied and cheated.Copy !req
1222. Yes.Copy !req
1223. Yes, I love you.Copy !req
1224. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
1225. I, uh...Copy !req
1226. Tell me what to do.Copy !req
1227. Let's go.Copy !req
1228. - Hi.
- Hello.Copy !req
1229. Did you have a nice time?Copy !req
1230. How's, uh, how's Miles?Copy !req
1231. Miles is very asleep.Copy !req
1232. - Good news.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1233. Good night.Copy !req
1234. What now?Copy !req
1235. Turn myself in?Copy !req
1236. Turn Lincoln in?Copy !req
1237. Uh, I don't want to ruinCopy !req
1238. the life we've
built together, Jeff.Copy !req
1239. I don't wanna...Copy !req
1240. hurt everyone,
destroy everything.Copy !req
1241. What does that mean?Copy !req
1242. If we turn him in...Copy !req
1243. his kids grow
up without a fatherCopy !req
1244. and Angela's a single mom.Copy !req
1245. And Miles grows up with this...Copy !req
1246. cloud of murder
and weirdness over his head,Copy !req
1247. and that's the best case
scenario.Copy !req
1248. The worst case scenario is...Copy !req
1249. a jury doesn't believe
your side of the storyCopy !req
1250. and you go to prison, too.Copy !req
1251. You think
we're gonna be laying in bedCopy !req
1252. with insomnia
talking about thisCopy !req
1253. when we're eighty years old?Copy !req
1254. I think we're gonna be
talking about thisCopy !req
1255. for a long time.Copy !req
1256. We'll talk about it
and talk about it...Copy !req
1257. until one day...Copy !req
1258. we'll decide not to.Copy !req
1259. And then we'll worry
silently for years.Copy !req
1260. Maybe we won't make it.Copy !req
1261. Maybe we'll implode with guilt.Copy !req
1262. Maybe that's
what should happen.Copy !req
1263. Or maybe we'll make it through.Copy !req
1264. And eventually...Copy !req
1265. this will fade away...Copy !req
1266. and it'll seem like
a dream we had.Copy !req
1267. It was true.Copy !req
1268. Everything that had happened
would eventuallyCopy !req
1269. become a distant memory.Copy !req
1270. However, before that occurred,Copy !req
1271. I'd find myself going to this
police station...Copy !req
1272. thinking I should
probably walk inCopy !req
1273. and come clean.Copy !req
1274. Thinking if I didn't, then...Copy !req
1275. then I probably deserved
whatever the worst wasCopy !req
1276. that the universe
could deal me.Copy !req
1277. But... in the end...Copy !req
1278. in reality...Copy !req
1279. I'd just get up off
that bench and go home.Copy !req
1280. And at night,
with our grass gone,Copy !req
1281. the raccoons
kept their distance.Copy !req
1282. No one got caught
and no one was the wiser.Copy !req
1283. And life just...Copy !req
1284. went on.Copy !req