1. There are
gajillions of stories
of mischief and fun,Copy !req
2. but to keep things simple,
let's start with just oneCopy !req
3. about a mom and two kids
and a house and a hatCopy !req
4. that, oddly enough,
was worn by a cat.Copy !req
5. But soon enough
we will get to all that.Copy !req
6. In the valley that stretches
from this hill to that hill,Copy !req
7. a city is nestled.Copy !req
8. That city is Anville.Copy !req
9. Hurry up!
We'll miss the movie!Copy !req
10. Any more tutti-frutti?Copy !req
11. I'll check.
Thanks!Copy !req
12. It's a town that's not huge,
but quite big enoughCopy !req
13. for buyers and sellers
to sell and buy stuff,Copy !req
14. from shoes and shirts
and elongated laddersCopy !req
15. to sailboats
and gibble-grated
berry-juice bladders.Copy !req
16. So our story
begins at the corner
of Main and MontroobCopy !req
17. in the spotless
real estate officeCopy !req
18. run by Hank Humberfloob.Copy !req
19. Humberfloob Real Estate.Copy !req
20. How can we make
your dreams come true?Copy !req
21. What do you mean,
you're leaving?Copy !req
22. You're a babysitter.Copy !req
23. Babysitters don't leave.
They sit.Copy !req
24. Baby-leavers leave.Copy !req
25. I'm sorry. I really
gotta go, Miss Walden.Copy !req
26. Well, I need to
come home right away.Copy !req
27. I forgot.Copy !req
28. All right.
Thank you, Amy.Copy !req
29. Sorry.Copy !req
30. Attention, everyone.
It's 9:02.Copy !req
31. Staff meeting.
Staff meeting.Copy !req
32. First I'd like
to welcome aboardCopy !req
33. our newest member
of the Humberfloob family,Copy !req
34. Jim McFlinnagan!Copy !req
35. Mr. Humberfloob,
I wanted to thank you . . .Copy !req
36. Fired.
I beg your pardon?Copy !req
37. Fired.Copy !req
38. But l . . .Copy !req
39. Fired!Copy !req
40. As you know, tonight is our
bimonthly Meet & Greet party.Copy !req
41. Tonight's host
is Joan Walden.Copy !req
42. This is where people can
meet our real estate agentsCopy !req
43. in an informal,
yet hygienic setting.Copy !req
44. Mr. Humberfloob, I have
to get home to my kids.Copy !req
45. Ah, yes.Copy !req
46. Your children.Copy !req
47. Joan, let me make
this perfectly clear.Copy !req
48. if your house is as
messy as last time,Copy !req
49. you're fired!Copy !req
50. That's pretty clear,
Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
51. Don't worry. I promise,Copy !req
52. my kids'll be on
their best behavior.Copy !req
53. Great.Copy !req
54. Humberfloob Real Estate.Copy !req
55. How can we make
your dreams come true?Copy !req
56. Please hold.Copy !req
57. If you
leave Humberfloob's
and turn left onto Main,Copy !req
58. three miles down
you'll find Lipplapper Lane,Copy !req
59. a pleasant-enough street
in a pleasant-enough wayCopy !req
60. where a neighbor
greeted neighbor
with a neighborly "Hey!"Copy !req
61. Hey!
Hey!Copy !req
62. Here the hedges were hedged,
the weeds were all weeded,Copy !req
63. and lawns were mowed daily,
twice daily if needed.Copy !req
64. And at the end
of this street,
in a house like any other,Copy !req
65. something
magical would happen
to a sister and her brother.Copy !req
66. Nevins, stealth mode.Copy !req
67. Today's to-do list.Copy !req
68. Number one:
Make to-do list.Copy !req
69. Number two:
Practice coloring.Copy !req
70. Number three:
Research graduate schools.Copy !req
71. Number four:
Be spontaneous.Copy !req
72. Number five:
Create lasting
childhood memories.Copy !req
73. And number six: Amend will.Copy !req
74. What is he doing?Copy !req
75. Number 10:
Make tomorrow's to-do list.Copy !req
76. Ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
77. Nevins,
your attention, please.Copy !req
78. You are about to
witness the third
most spectacular stuntCopy !req
79. ever performed
under this roof!Copy !req
80. Do you know
how hard it's gettingCopy !req
81. to tell people
that we're related?Copy !req
82. Relax.
I'll put everything back.Copy !req
83. And now,
for the indoor stair luge!Copy !req
84. lndoor stair luge?Copy !req
85. I'll have to add
this one to my list.Copy !req
86. Go have no fun
somewhere else.Copy !req
87. It is showtime!Copy !req
88. Whoa!Copy !req
89. Oh, my word!Copy !req
90. Nevins!Copy !req
91. Nevins, come back!Copy !req
92. Hey, Mom. What's up?Copy !req
93. You are so lucky you
didn't ruin this dress.Copy !req
94. Mom, I know you're angry,
but there's something
you need to know.Copy !req
95. This was all
Sally's fault.Copy !req
96. Oh, really?Copy !req
97. And how, exactly,
was it Sally's fault?Copy !req
98. Give me a minute.
I'm working on it.Copy !req
99. Save it, Conrad.Copy !req
100. Why today? Why did
you have to pick today
to destroy the house?Copy !req
101. You know
what's happening today.Copy !req
102. I tried to tell him, Mom.Copy !req
103. "Mom's throwing a very
important party," I said.Copy !req
104. "All of her important
clients will be here."Copy !req
105. But he went right ahead
and wrecked the house,Copy !req
106. and let Nevins get away.Copy !req
107. Now, again, I hope
you're going to ground him.Copy !req
108. Yes, Sally, for a week,Copy !req
109. but that's none
of your business.Copy !req
110. A week?
Come on. Two days.Copy !req
111. I asked you to do one
thing today, Conrad,
keep the house clean.Copy !req
112. Do you know how
frustrating it isCopy !req
113. that you're always doing
the exact opposite of
what I say?Copy !req
114. Knock, knock, knock.Copy !req
115. Someone lose a dog?Copy !req
116. I found him next door
in my yard, again.Copy !req
117. You are a saint.Copy !req
118. And here I thought you
were only dating me
for my good looks.Copy !req
119. Lucky us.
Larry Quinn is here.Copy !req
120. Hey-a, sport.
Call me Lawrence. Okay?Copy !req
121. You rescued Nevins.
Thanks, Lawrence.Copy !req
122. It was my pleasure, Sally.Copy !req
123. Anything for
my little princess.Copy !req
124. Oh, I don't
wanna be a princess.Copy !req
125. In a constitutional monarchy,Copy !req
126. parliament has
all the real power.Copy !req
127. I see.
Okay, that's great.Copy !req
128. Look, pal, be a sport.Copy !req
129. Why don't you go
tidy up the living room.Copy !req
130. Okay, dude?Copy !req
131. I don't have to
listen to you, Larry.Copy !req
132. Conrad,
do what Lawrence says.Copy !req
133. Have you given
some thought about
the Wilhelm Academy?Copy !req
134. You mean the
Colonel Wilhelm Military
Academy for Troubled Youth?Copy !req
135. That's the one, Joan.Copy !req
136. I'm not sure
it's right for Conrad.Copy !req
137. Oh, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
138. Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
139. I have so much
respect for you, Joan.Copy !req
140. Single mother,
career woman, raising
two children on your own,Copy !req
141. and still finding time
to be the best darned
real estate agent in town.Copy !req
142. I know
how hard it is, Joan.Copy !req
143. It is hard.Copy !req
144. Oh, I know.Copy !req
145. And I know how
hard you're trying.Copy !req
146. This is a once-in-a-
lifetime proposition,Copy !req
147. and you must act now.Copy !req
148. The Colonel Wilhelm
Military Academy
for Troubled YouthCopy !req
149. is what we call
in the sales game
a win-win scenario.Copy !req
150. A top-flight
military school,Copy !req
151. and it's only
eight hours away.Copy !req
152. Oh, the phone.Copy !req
153. I heard what you said.Copy !req
154. I'm not going to
military school, Larry.Copy !req
155. Look, buddy,Copy !req
156. I know I'm not your dad,Copy !req
157. and this is probably
really strange for you,Copy !req
158. your neighbor's
dating your mom.Copy !req
159. But here's the thing, son.
Come here.Copy !req
160. I don't like you, either.Copy !req
161. But I'm gonna marry your mom.Copy !req
162. And if it was up to me,
you'd be at
military school today.Copy !req
163. I'm not going to
military school.Copy !req
164. I think you're gonna love it.Copy !req
165. It's just like summer camp,
except with brutal forced
marchesCopy !req
166. and soul-crushing discipline.Copy !req
167. And one more thing,
it's Lawrence,Copy !req
168. you snot-nosed son
of a wonderful womanCopy !req
169. who I'm absolutely
crazy about!Copy !req
170. Gosh, I love children!Copy !req
171. Oh, Joan,
I didn't see you there.Copy !req
172. Would you be
a doll and help meCopy !req
173. bring up chairs
from the basement?Copy !req
174. Nothing would give me
more pleasure, Joan,
but I do have to run.Copy !req
175. I have a very important
sales conference downtown.Copy !req
176. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
177. Well, I'll see you
at the party tonight.Copy !req
178. Sure.Copy !req
179. Mom,
that guy's a total phony.Copy !req
180. You can't let Larry . . .Copy !req
181. It's Lawrence, Conrad.Copy !req
182. Kate's Catering.
I'm here to do
your party tonight.Copy !req
183. Oh, hi. Where's Kate?Copy !req
184. I'm Kate.Copy !req
185. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
186. Right this way, Kate.Copy !req
187. Quiet!Copy !req
188. Two weeks ago
you said you would . . .Copy !req
189. I "specialed" it. See?Copy !req
190. Quiet! Nevins!Copy !req
191. I said quiet!Copy !req
192. Joan Walden Real Estate.Copy !req
193. Be it ever so humble,
there's no place like Joan.Copy !req
194. This is Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
195. Oh, hi, Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
196. Joan, I need you to
come back to the office.Copy !req
197. Today?
Yes, Joan.Copy !req
198. No problem?Copy !req
199. No problem at all.Copy !req
200. Great!Copy !req
201. What's going on, Mommy?Copy !req
202. Mommy has to go
back to the office.Copy !req
203. Oh, I hope
Mrs. Kwan can baby-sit.Copy !req
204. Not Mrs. Kwan!Copy !req
205. Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
Hi.Copy !req
206. I'm running late.
Thanks for baby-sitting
on such short notice.Copy !req
207. Yeah.Copy !req
208. Okay, Mrs. Kwan.Copy !req
209. I'll be back in
a couple of hours.Copy !req
210. Hi.Copy !req
211. Conrad's grounded,
so no video games.Copy !req
212. Sally? Last chance.Copy !req
213. if you wanna make cupcakes,
I can take you to your
friend Ginny's house.Copy !req
214. Ginny's not
my friend anymore.Copy !req
215. Last time
we made cupcakes,Copy !req
216. she wanted to
be the head chef.Copy !req
217. I'm the head chef.Copy !req
218. What about Denise, then?Copy !req
219. She talked back to me,
so I ordered her not
to speak to me anymore.Copy !req
220. And you don't like bossy?Copy !req
221. I won't tolerate it.Copy !req
222. Right.Copy !req
223. if you're both staying,
remember the rules.Copy !req
224. No playing
ball in the house,
no fighting,Copy !req
225. no answering the phone,
"City morgue" . . .Copy !req
226. Mommy,
can't I have some rules?Copy !req
227. No chewing tobacco.Copy !req
228. Thanks, Mom.
You have my word.Copy !req
229. And absolutely
no one sets foot
in the living room, or else.Copy !req
230. Or else what?
You're gonna do
what Larry saidCopy !req
231. and send me to
military school?Copy !req
232. Maybe if you'd just behave,
I wouldn't have to consider
military school.Copy !req
233. I wish I could trust you.Copy !req
234. I wish I had
a different mom.Copy !req
235. Well, sometimes
I wish the same thing.Copy !req
236. Good luck
with your meeting.Copy !req
237. Children, would you like to
watch television with me?Copy !req
238. We don't have to
tell your mother.Copy !req
239. Taiwanese parliament.
Taiwanese parliament.Copy !req
240. You tell them, Kwi-Chang.Copy !req
241. No more big government.Copy !req
242. Rip his heart out!Copy !req
243. Hit me!Copy !req
244. So they
slumped in their chairs,Copy !req
245. too glum to complain,Copy !req
246. and to make matters worse,
it started to rain.Copy !req
247. They sat in the house
on that cold, cold, wet dayCopy !req
248. with no fun to have
and no games to play.Copy !req
249. They could just
stare out the window
or perhaps get a nap in,Copy !req
250. and hope that something,
anything might happen.Copy !req
251. Quit bothering the fish.Copy !req
252. I know.
"Quit bothering the fish."Copy !req
253. Spit hand!
Oh, gross!Copy !req
254. Get that away from me!Copy !req
255. Get it away!Copy !req
256. Then something went bump.Copy !req
257. What was that?Copy !req
258. How that bump made them jump.Copy !req
259. I think it came
from the closet.Copy !req
260. Conrad?Copy !req
261. Conrad.Copy !req
262. Come on, Conrad.Copy !req
263. You shouldn't scare people.Copy !req
264. You should've seen
the look on your face.Copy !req
265. It was like
you saw a monster . . .Copy !req
266. A monster? Where?Copy !req
267. That could've gone better.Copy !req
268. What was that?
I don't know.Copy !req
269. Looked like a humongous cat.Copy !req
270. "Humongous"?Copy !req
271. I prefer the term
"big-boned" or "jolly."
Now, what are we hiding from?Copy !req
272. That was a giant cat.Copy !req
273. But that's impossible,
isn't it?Copy !req
274. It's entirely impossible.Copy !req
275. You know, I like this
hiding place a lot better.Copy !req
276. They'll never
find us here.Copy !req
277. Scream and run.Copy !req
278. And there they go.Copy !req
279. Who are you?Copy !req
280. Who? Me?Copy !req
281. Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat.Copy !req
282. There's no doubt about that.Copy !req
283. I'm a super-fun-diferous
felineCopy !req
284. who's here to make
sure that you're . . .Copy !req
285. Meeline? Key lime?Copy !req
286. Turpentine?Copy !req
287. I got nothing.Copy !req
288. I'm not so good
with the rhyming.Copy !req
289. Not really, no.Copy !req
290. Look,
I'm a cat that can talk.Copy !req
291. That should be
enough for you people!Copy !req
292. I can talk!
I'm a cat! Yes!Copy !req
293. Where did you come from?Copy !req
294. How do I put this?Copy !req
295. When a mommy cat
and a daddy catCopy !req
296. love each other very much,Copy !req
297. they decide that . . .Copy !req
298. Oh, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
299. Where did you come from?Copy !req
300. My place!
Where do you think?Copy !req
301. No, how did you get here?Copy !req
302. I drove!Copy !req
303. Look, I've been
here two whole minutes,Copy !req
304. and no one has
offered me a drink.Copy !req
305. Sorry, Mr. Cat.
Would you like some milk?Copy !req
306. Milk? No!Copy !req
307. Lactose intolerant.
Gums up the works.Copy !req
308. You'll thank me later.Copy !req
309. Hello! Surf's up!Copy !req
310. Yeah.Copy !req
311. Nice spread you got here.Copy !req
312. Homina-homina-homina-homina!Copy !req
313. Who is this?Copy !req
314. Oh!Copy !req
315. That's my mom.Copy !req
316. Awkward, yeah.Copy !req
317. Yes, this place will do
quite nicely, actually.
Yeah.Copy !req
318. Although those
drapes are a train wreck.Copy !req
319. And this
is the lumpiest
couch I ever sat on.Copy !req
320. Who is this dreadfully
uncomfortable woman?Copy !req
321. Get off her.
That's our baby-sitter.Copy !req
322. What the . . . Baby-sitter?Copy !req
323. You don't need one
of those, do you?Copy !req
324. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
325. You pay this woman
to sit on babies?Copy !req
326. That's disgusting!Copy !req
327. I'd do it for nothing!Copy !req
328. Now, let's see what
the old phunometer
has to say.Copy !req
329. "Phunometer"?Copy !req
330. Yeah.
It measures
how fun you are.Copy !req
331. Hi.Copy !req
332. Huh?Copy !req
333. Oh.Copy !req
334. Ah, control freak. Yeah.Copy !req
335. Now, you.Copy !req
336. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
337. Whoa!Copy !req
338. Oh.Copy !req
339. Tap it.Copy !req
340. Listen, kid,Copy !req
341. you can
tap it with a hammer,
it ain't gonna change.Copy !req
342. Just as I suspected.Copy !req
343. You guys are
both out of whack.Copy !req
344. You're a control freak,
and you're a rule-breaker.Copy !req
345. That'll be $700.Copy !req
346. Who's your insurance carrier?Copy !req
347. So, what do we do?Copy !req
348. Well, there are two
treatments I'd recommend.Copy !req
349. One is a series
of painful shotsCopy !req
350. injected into your
abdomen and kneecap.Copy !req
351. And the other
involves a musical number!Copy !req
352. Me-Me-Me-MeowCopy !req
353. How many shots?Copy !req
354. "How many shots?"
Aren't you precious?Copy !req
355. Maestro!Copy !req
356. I know it is wetCopy !req
357. And the sun is not sunnyCopy !req
358. But we can have
lots of good fun
that is funnyCopy !req
359. It's fun to have funCopy !req
360. But you got to know howCopy !req
361. Hair ball.Copy !req
362. I know lots of
good tricks and I'll...Copy !req
363. Stop this right now!Copy !req
364. Who said that?
Me!Copy !req
365. Remember? The fish?Copy !req
366. Came home in a Baggie,
loved me for two weeks,
and then nothing!Copy !req
367. The fish is talking!Copy !req
368. Well, sure, he can talk.
But is he saying anything?Copy !req
369. No, not really. No.Copy !req
370. Hey, Socks, can it!
This cat should not be here.Copy !req
371. He should not be about.
He should not be here
when your mother is out.Copy !req
372. Come on, kids.
You gonna listen to him?Copy !req
373. He drinks where he pees.Copy !req
374. There was this cat I knew
back home where I was bredCopy !req
375. He never listened to
a single thing his mother saidCopy !req
376. He never used the litter box
He made a mess in the hallCopy !req
377. That's why they
sent him to a vet
To cut off both his ba...Copy !req
378. Ba, ba . . .Copy !req
379. Boy, that wasn't
fun, fun, funCopy !req
380. He never learns
You can have fun, fun, funCopy !req
381. But less is moreCopy !req
382. They may ship
you off to school
so rein it in a littleCopy !req
383. We can't spell "fun"
without "U" in the middleCopy !req
384. Children, this cat is
currently in violation of . . .Copy !req
385. 17 of your mother's rules.Copy !req
386. City morgue!
Eighteen!Copy !req
387. Olé!Copy !req
388. You can juggle work and play
but you have to know the wayCopy !req
389. You can keep or float a wish
like the way I do this fishCopy !req
390. You can be a happy fella
Someone throw me that umbrellaCopy !req
391. And that rake, that cake
Life's what you make itCopy !req
392. So have fun, fun, funCopy !req
393. Go insane and have
some fun, fun, funCopy !req
394. Just look at me
Fun, fun, funCopy !req
395. No more rain
Look, it's the sun, sun, sunCopy !req
396. So can't you see
I'm as happy as a clamCopy !req
397. I'm as fit as a fiddleCopy !req
398. Yeah,
the dogs may bark about youCopy !req
399. And the purebred
chaps may doubt youCopy !req
400. Getting motion sickness!Copy !req
401. Milk? Big mistake.Copy !req
402. But remember this
You can't have
fun without "U"...Copy !req
403. I can't breathe!Copy !req
404. Whoa!Copy !req
405. I knew that milk would
come back to haunt me.Copy !req
406. Help! Help!Copy !req
407. "U" in the middleCopy !req
408. Bravo, Cat.Copy !req
409. Huh?
These children
are smart enoughCopy !req
410. not to fall for
your MTV-style flashCopy !req
411. at the expense of
content and moral values.Copy !req
412. That was wicked cool.Copy !req
413. Do it again.Copy !req
414. I'd love to,
but Shamu is right.
I really should be going.Copy !req
415. No, don't go.Copy !req
416. No, I should go.Copy !req
417. I should let
you and the fish have all
your fun conjugating verbs,Copy !req
418. cleaning your room,
doing long division.Copy !req
419. No, you have to stay.Copy !req
420. All right, I'll stay.
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
421. Yeah!Copy !req
422. But if I'm gonna stay,
there's something
I wanna show you.Copy !req
423. Something magical
and full of wonder.Copy !req
424. It's called a contract.Copy !req
425. You want us to sign this?Copy !req
426. Just a formality, really.
Yeah.Copy !req
427. Who are they?Copy !req
428. Magical time-traveling elves.Copy !req
429. Yeah. Magic.Copy !req
430. Okay, they're my lawyers.Copy !req
431. Liability issues,
litigious society,Copy !req
432. frivolous lawsuits.
You understand.Copy !req
433. Basically,
this contract guaranteesCopy !req
434. you can have all
the fun you want,Copy !req
435. and nothing bad's
ever gonna happen.Copy !req
436. All the fun we want?Copy !req
437. Yeah.Copy !req
438. Nothing bad will happen?Copy !req
439. No.Copy !req
440. Come on, Sal,
for once in your life
try something spontaneous.Copy !req
441. It goes against my
better instincts, but . . .Copy !req
442. Fine.Copy !req
443. Beautiful. Lnitial here.Copy !req
444. And here. And here.Copy !req
445. Not here!Copy !req
446. Turn it over.Copy !req
447. This is nothing.Copy !req
448. Scratch this.Copy !req
449. Smell that! Terrific.Copy !req
450. Yadee-yadee-yadee.Copy !req
451. Great! Okay, gimme five!Copy !req
452. Four.Copy !req
453. Let's get this party started!Copy !req
454. Hey, check out this room!Copy !req
455. What now?Copy !req
456. Mom says
we're not allowed in the
living room today, or else.Copy !req
457. She's worried
we'll mess up the couchesCopy !req
458. by jumping
on 'em or something.Copy !req
459. And she's right.
You can't jump on these.Copy !req
460. Not like this.
They need some adjustment.Copy !req
461. Let's take
a look under the hood.Copy !req
462. Yeah.Copy !req
463. Use my jack.Copy !req
464. Sorry.Copy !req
465. What have we got here?
Whew.Copy !req
466. Here we go.Copy !req
467. It's oversized.
That's unusual.Copy !req
468. Here it is.Copy !req
469. Down, Simba!
Down, Simba!
Get out of here!Copy !req
470. Spray me, would you?
You . . .Copy !req
471. Thanks for the help.Copy !req
472. Back in a second.Copy !req
473. Who's your couch mechanic?Copy !req
474. You ought to
call Mr. Catwrench.Copy !req
475. My fur! My fur! My fur!Copy !req
476. That ought to do it.
Whoo!Copy !req
477. Come on, kids.
I could use
a little company.Copy !req
478. What about Mom's party?Copy !req
479. What about it?
We signed the contract.Copy !req
480. One cushion left, Sally.Copy !req
481. She'll never do it.
She doesn't know
how to have fun.Copy !req
482. Fun? Sally,
you're better than fun.Copy !req
483. Fun is beneath you.Copy !req
484. Remember what
your mother told you.Copy !req
485. No one sets foot
in the living room . . .Copy !req
486. You know what?
Let's just watch
some flashbacks.Copy !req
487. Absolutely no one sets foot
in the living room, or else.Copy !req
488. You're fired, fired,
fired, fired, fired, fired,Copy !req
489. fired, fired, fired . . .Copy !req
490. And that's why . . .Copy !req
491. This is where
they buried my brother!Copy !req
492. Yeah!Copy !req
493. Yippee!Copy !req
494. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
495. This is amazing!Copy !req
496. Like being in the circus!Copy !req
497. Yeah, but without
those tortured animalsCopy !req
498. or drunken clowns
that have hepatitis.Copy !req
499. See, kids,
I told you
we could have fun!Copy !req
500. The best thing is,
no one will ever know.Copy !req
501. Judas Priest. I can't
believe what I'm seeing!Copy !req
502. Oh, Mr. Quinn,
I was just telling
Conrad to get off the couch.Copy !req
503. Bad, Conrad. Bad.Copy !req
504. Sally, baby,
angel, princess,Copy !req
505. I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret, okay?Copy !req
506. Nobody likes a suck-up!Copy !req
507. Where's the cat?
I don't know.Copy !req
508. Oh!Copy !req
509. Good bread.Copy !req
510. What are you two looking at?Copy !req
511. ls there a cat in here?Copy !req
512. I'm gonna . . .
You're gonna . . . I have toCopy !req
513. get out of here.Copy !req
514. See, kids, I told you.Copy !req
515. Stick with me,
it'll all work out.Copy !req
516. Oh, no!Copy !req
517. Little-known fact:
Cats always land
on their tushy.Copy !req
518. I thought they always
landed on their feet.Copy !req
519. Oh, sure,
now you tell me.Copy !req
520. So, kiddo, what do
you want to do for fun?Copy !req
521. I wanna make cupcakes.Copy !req
522. Cupcakes? Oh, yeah!
To the kitchen!Copy !req
523. Live from the kitchen,Copy !req
524. the following is
a paid commercialCopy !req
525. announcement for
Astounding Products.Copy !req
526. Hi! Welcome to
Astounding Products.Copy !req
527. I'm your host,
the guy in the sweaterCopy !req
528. who asks all
the obvious questions.Copy !req
529. Now, here to
tell us about hisCopy !req
530. astounding product
for making cupcakes,Copy !req
531. all the way from Cheshire,
England, please welcome . . .Copy !req
532. Me! Hello!Copy !req
533. Now . . . Hello!
I'm so excited!Copy !req
534. Do you love making cupcakes,
but hate all the hard
cupcake work?Copy !req
535. I know I do.Copy !req
536. Well, forget everything
you know about making
cupcakes,Copy !req
537. and say helloCopy !req
538. to the amazing Kupkake-inator.Copy !req
539. I'm so excited!Copy !req
540. Cupcake-a-what?Copy !req
541. Kupkake-inator!
Kupkake-inator!Copy !req
542. This amazing device
can instantly make cupcakesCopy !req
543. out of anything that
you have in the kitchen.Copy !req
544. Wait a minute.
Did you say "anything"?Copy !req
545. Anything.Copy !req
546. Anything?Copy !req
547. Yes, anything.Copy !req
548. Anything?Copy !req
549. Anything.Copy !req
550. Anything?Copy !req
551. I'll get you,
and it'll look like
a bloody accident.Copy !req
552. Anything.
Now, take off the lid.Copy !req
553. You can put in,
I don't know,
a carton of eggs.Copy !req
554. What?
How about a pack of hot dogs?Copy !req
555. That's incredible!Copy !req
556. Why not some ketchup?Copy !req
557. Yeah, why not?Copy !req
558. How about . . .
I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
559. Even a fire extinguisher.
There we go.Copy !req
560. Now, close the lid
and Bob's your flipping uncle.Copy !req
561. What an astounding product!Copy !req
562. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
563. Open the drawer,Copy !req
564. fill the patented
Kupkake-inator tray,Copy !req
565. close the drawer,Copy !req
566. then place it in
a conventional oven.Copy !req
567. Delicious cupcakes
are just minutes away.Copy !req
568. Did you just say
"minutes away"?Copy !req
569. That's impossible!
That's impossible!Copy !req
570. You're not just wrong,
you're stupid.Copy !req
571. Now, wait just a minute.Copy !req
572. And you're ugly,
just like your mum.Copy !req
573. Did you just
call my mother ugly?Copy !req
574. Shut up.
I mean it.
I will end you.Copy !req
575. Cat. Your tail.Copy !req
576. What about it?Copy !req
577. Oh, I see.
I've chopped it off.Copy !req
578. That's interesting,
because . . .Copy !req
579. Son of a bi . . .Copy !req
580. Look, I'm not saying
we're going to sue.Copy !req
581. I'm just saying
we have a case.Copy !req
582. We'll talk later.
lxnay, ixnay.Copy !req
583. Hi.Copy !req
584. Cat,
is the oven supposed
to be making that sound?Copy !req
585. Of course. That means
they're almost done,
Conrack.Copy !req
586. Conrad.
That's what I said, Condor.Copy !req
587. Cat!
Now, that's my name!Copy !req
588. Yep. They're done!Copy !req
589. Oh, man!Copy !req
590. There's nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
591. I'm sure they
still taste fine.Copy !req
592. They're horrible.Copy !req
593. Who wants some?
Come on, come on.Copy !req
594. Oh, my cod.Copy !req
595. Cat, you need to clean
this mess up, pronto.Copy !req
596. We have a contract.Copy !req
597. All right, I'll try.Copy !req
598. You don't try. You do.Copy !req
599. Yes, ma'am.
Right away, ma'am.Copy !req
600. I'll be right back.Copy !req
601. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
602. Okay.Copy !req
603. Look. I'm a girl.Copy !req
604. Stop! That's . . .Copy !req
605. Mom's dress!
Mom's dress!Copy !req
606. This filthy thing?Copy !req
607. She was gonna
wear that tonight,
and you ruined it.Copy !req
608. Honey, it was ruined
when she bought it.Copy !req
609. Yeah.Copy !req
610. I told you all
this would happen.Copy !req
611. But no one listens to a fish!Copy !req
612. A dog goes "woof-woof"Copy !req
613. and everybody knows
that little Timmy's
trapped under a log.Copy !req
614. But a fish speaks
in plain English . . .Copy !req
615. All right,
everyone, let's just take
a deep breath and calm down.Copy !req
616. You know who's gonna solve it?
Me. I am.Copy !req
617. I will personally
take care of everything.Copy !req
618. And I know just
the guys to do it.Copy !req
619. In this box
are two Things.Copy !req
620. I will show them to you.Copy !req
621. Two Things,
and I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.Copy !req
622. These Things
will not bite you.Copy !req
623. They want to have fun.Copy !req
624. So without further ado,
meet Thing Two and Thing One!Copy !req
625. Ta-da!Copy !req
626. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
627. Thing One, Conrad, Sally.
Conrad, Sally, Thing One.Copy !req
628. Thing Two, Conrad, Sally.
Conrad, Sally, Thing Two.Copy !req
629. Thing One, Thing Two.
Thing Two, Thing One.
Conrad, Sally. Sally, Conrad.Copy !req
630. I am the Cat.Copy !req
631. Don't belittle me.Copy !req
632. Ah, yes, of course.Copy !req
633. Thing Two would
like to clarify thatCopy !req
634. just because
he wears the number twoCopy !req
635. does not
imply in any way that
he's inferior to Thing One.Copy !req
636. And all of the above.Copy !req
637. He says you may feel free
to call him Thing "A,"
if you like.Copy !req
638. He will also
accept Super Thing,
Thing King, Kid Dynamite,Copy !req
639. Chocolate Thun-DaCopy !req
640. or Ben.Copy !req
641. Thing One says
he's Thing One
for a reason,Copy !req
642. and some people
should just get used to it.Copy !req
643. It's a Thing thing.
You wouldn't understand.Copy !req
644. Okay, enough.Copy !req
645. You are quickly
turning into one of
my least favorite Things.Copy !req
646. Listen, Convex,
you probably
don't wanna do that.Copy !req
647. Why not?
It's just a crate.Copy !req
648. This isn't just
any old crate.Copy !req
649. It's the Trans-dimensional
Transportolator.Copy !req
650. It's kind of like
a doorway which leads
from this world to my world.Copy !req
651. But it says,
"Made in the Philippines."Copy !req
652. Yes,
but not this Philippines.Copy !req
653. Look, now,
I'm not usually a rules guy,Copy !req
654. but this is a biggie.Copy !req
655. No opening the crate.Copy !req
656. No lookee, no touchee.
Got it?Copy !req
657. THlNG 2:
Mekka-dekka we should
settle our differences.Copy !req
658. Things,
front and center!Copy !req
659. Cool.Copy !req
660. All right, Things,
I'm not paying youCopy !req
661. to stand around
and look pretty.Copy !req
662. Here's Mom's dress.Copy !req
663. THlNG 1 : Oh! Mommy's dress!Copy !req
664. What about the couch?Copy !req
665. Which couch?Copy !req
666. The clean one,
or the horribly
stained one?Copy !req
667. Ho!Copy !req
668. Mekka-dekka. Don't worry!Copy !req
669. lncoming!Copy !req
670. Cat,
they're wrecking
the whole house!Copy !req
671. Conrad, help!Copy !req
672. Help yourself!Copy !req
673. Want a piece of me?Copy !req
674. All right! Come and get it!Copy !req
675. That tickles.Copy !req
676. Geronimo!Copy !req
677. Mine, mine, mine!
Mine, mine, mine!Copy !req
678. Ride 'em, cowboy!Copy !req
679. if this were my house,
I'd be furious.Copy !req
680. Hey! Klondike!Copy !req
681. Do you have any idea
what happened to
the lock on this crate?Copy !req
682. It's on Nevins' collar.Copy !req
683. Nevins?Copy !req
684. Nevins? Nevins!Copy !req
685. Put the dog down!
I said, put the dog down!Copy !req
686. Why won't they listen to me?Copy !req
687. Oh.
I don't know if this helps,Copy !req
688. but the Things always do
the opposite of what you say.Copy !req
689. Why do they
always do the opposite?Copy !req
690. That's so annoying!Copy !req
691. Remind you of anyone,
Conrad?Copy !req
692. Zinga!Copy !req
693. Zinga! Zinga!Copy !req
694. Blue! 41! Set!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!Copy !req
695. Hey, Thing,
don't let go
of that dog!Copy !req
696. Let go!Copy !req
697. Catch him.
I mean, don't catch him!Copy !req
698. Well, this is
just great, Conrad.Copy !req
699. The whole house is destroyed,
the party is ruined,Copy !req
700. and now Nevins is gone.Copy !req
701. Sally, Kojak,Copy !req
702. that's nothing compared
to what's gonna happenCopy !req
703. if we don't lock this crate.Copy !req
704. Take a look.
It's already leaking.Copy !req
705. It won't stay shut.Copy !req
706. Not without the lock.Copy !req
707. Look, if we don't get
that lock off of NevinsCopy !req
708. and put it back
on this crate,Copy !req
709. we're gonna be staring downCopy !req
710. the business end
of the mother of all messes.Copy !req
711. We've gotta go
out and find Nevins.Copy !req
712. lmpossible! Sally!Copy !req
713. There's only four
hours till the party.Copy !req
714. The fish is right.
We should call Mom
and tell her what happened.Copy !req
715. Look at this house!
There's no way we could
explain this to Mom.Copy !req
716. We gotta get Nevins
back and lock the crate!Copy !req
717. We're staying
and calling Mom.Copy !req
718. We're going
and getting the dog.Copy !req
719. There is a third option.Copy !req
720. There is?Copy !req
721. Yes. It involves . . .Copy !req
722. murder.Copy !req
723. That's your option?Copy !req
724. No.Copy !req
725. But you guys
both had options.Copy !req
726. I just wanted
to have one, too.Copy !req
727. Or did l?Copy !req
728. Cat, you're not helping!Copy !req
729. Come on.
Let's go get that dog.Copy !req
730. Now, we just need
a heavy, inanimate object
to weigh down this crate.Copy !req
731. There. That ought
to buy us some time.Copy !req
732. Come on, kids!
Let's go, go, go!Copy !req
733. Identical sister Mitzy...Copy !req
734. That's right.Copy !req
735. Yeah?Copy !req
736. What do you want now?Copy !req
737. Repo.Copy !req
738. You're repossessing my TV?Copy !req
739. I'm sure I made a payment.Copy !req
740. if it's about
that bounced check,Copy !req
741. let me give you
a credit card.Copy !req
742. That one's expired.
Huh? Oh, come on.Copy !req
743. With the lock
on his collar,
Nevins kept running,Copy !req
744. unaware of his part
in the evil Quinn's cunning.Copy !req
745. Joan Walden Real Estate.
Be it ever so humble,
there's no . . .Copy !req
746. Oh, hi, Joan.Copy !req
747. The kids let
the dog out again.Copy !req
748. You're kidding.Copy !req
749. Don't worry.
I'll go get him,Copy !req
750. then we'll
have a conversation
vis-á-vis military school.Copy !req
751. I don't know.
Conrad's like you, Lawrence.Copy !req
752. He's very sensitive.Copy !req
753. But I suppose
it's something
I should consider.Copy !req
754. I'll get the dog.
I'll be right over.Copy !req
755. Okay, there's Nevins.
Stay out of sight.Copy !req
756. I thought
the moment needed something.Copy !req
757. Oh, what will become of us?Copy !req
758. Your mother
will lose her job,Copy !req
759. and we'll have to
live on the street.Copy !req
760. I can't!
Don't make me go . . .Copy !req
761. I don't know this world!Copy !req
762. It's dry! It's like . . .
I can't . . . It's too . . .Copy !req
763. Fish!Copy !req
764. It's too much!Copy !req
765. Would you like to go
back in the toilet?Copy !req
766. On second thought,
it's such a beautiful day.Copy !req
767. Why spend it indoors?Copy !req
768. Thank you.Copy !req
769. Okay, kids.
Get out of my way.Copy !req
770. This fence is no match
for my cat-like grace
and reflexes.Copy !req
771. Here we go.Copy !req
772. Okay. Watch me fly, kids.Copy !req
773. I don't think
the little girl's even trying.Copy !req
774. What about your
cat-like reflexes?Copy !req
775. What about
showing a little effort,
shrimp boat? Now, push!Copy !req
776. All right, Nevins.Copy !req
777. Time to die.Copy !req
778. Cat, you scared him away.Copy !req
779. Dirty hoe.Copy !req
780. I'm sorry, baby.
I love you.Copy !req
781. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
782. There he is!Copy !req
783. Happy birthday, Denise.Copy !req
784. Denise?
Everyone I know is there.Copy !req
785. There's Ginny and Alan.Copy !req
786. How come Denise
didn't invite me
to her birthday?Copy !req
787. Don't worry.
Let's just get
Nevins and go.Copy !req
788. Okay, kids.
Everyone outside!Copy !req
789. Cat, get down!
They're gonna see you!Copy !req
790. Hide!Copy !req
791. Piñata! Piñata! Piñata!Copy !req
792. Piñata! Piñata!Copy !req
793. Everybody, join in.Copy !req
794. It's breaking!Copy !req
795. Step out of my way.Copy !req
796. This cannot end well.Copy !req
797. Piñata! Piñata!Copy !req
798. I'm easyCopy !req
799. I'm easy like Sunday morningCopy !req
800. Oh-ho-ho! Whoo!Copy !req
801. I got an idea. Candy!Copy !req
802. Candy!Copy !req
803. No!
No!Copy !req
804. Get back!
Cat!Copy !req
805. I'll get you!Copy !req
806. I'd love to buy some.Copy !req
807. Hello, Mrs. Kwan.
It's Joan Walden.Copy !req
808. I just called to
check on the kids.
Are they okay?Copy !req
809. Those aren't children.Copy !req
810. They're little angels.Copy !req
811. That's sweet.Copy !req
812. Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan.
I'll be home as soon as I can.Copy !req
813. Bye-bye.Copy !req
814. Bye.Copy !req
815. All right, soldier.
Our bogey is in range.Copy !req
816. Commence search and destroy.Copy !req
817. What?Copy !req
818. Search and rescue.Copy !req
819. I meant search and rescue.
Come on.Copy !req
820. I can't believe
I wasn't invited
to that party.Copy !req
821. Hey! You're a lone wolf.Copy !req
822. Live alone, die alone.
Yeah.Copy !req
823. Can we please get the dog?Copy !req
824. Can we please get the dog?
Boo!Copy !req
825. Oh, no! Oh, man!Copy !req
826. Hello, Nevins.
Good-bye, Conrad.Copy !req
827. Not so tough now,
are you?Copy !req
828. We're dead.
We're never gonna
get that crate shut.Copy !req
829. And I'm getting
shipped off toCopy !req
830. Colonel Von Kronk's
School for Wayward Boys!Copy !req
831. Why don't we take my car?Copy !req
832. You have a car?Copy !req
833. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
834. Wow. That is so cool.Copy !req
835. That's just the dust cover.Copy !req
836. Here she is,
the Super LuxuriousCopy !req
837. Omnidirectional
Whatchamajigger.Copy !req
838. Or S. L.O.W. for short.Copy !req
839. S. L.O.W.?Copy !req
840. Yeah, S. L.O.W.
It's better than
the last name we had.Copy !req
841. Super Hydraulic
lnstantaneous Transporter.Copy !req
842. Oh, you mean . . .Copy !req
843. No! Quick, to the SLOW.Copy !req
844. Buckle up, kids.Copy !req
845. We're on a mission
to get that dog,Copy !req
846. and we will not rest
until we find and destroy it.Copy !req
847. Rescue it!
Rescue it! Of course,
I meant rescue it.Copy !req
848. Whatever.
Remember, kids, there's
nothing faster than SLOW.Copy !req
849. That's backwards.
It makes no sense.
Look at you.Copy !req
850. Okay, here we go.
G. P.S. , check.Copy !req
851. DVD, CD, check.Copy !req
852. Someone from
Czechoslovakia is a Czech.Copy !req
853. Siren.Copy !req
854. What are you . . .
What . . . Siren?Copy !req
855. Let's go!Copy !req
856. Hi, there!
How are you?Copy !req
857. I'm sending Conrad awayCopy !req
858. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
859. Oh!Copy !req
860. I can't believe
you whizzed on my taco!Copy !req
861. Wait till Joan
gets a load of you!Copy !req
862. There they are!Copy !req
863. Red light,
red light, red light!Copy !req
864. Red light!Copy !req
865. Someone else should drive.Copy !req
866. All right. You win.Copy !req
867. Concrete, you drive.Copy !req
868. Are you serious?Copy !req
869. I don't know.Copy !req
870. A little voice
inside of me is saying,
"This is a bad idea,"Copy !req
871. but I can barely
hear that little voiceCopy !req
872. because an even
louder little voiceCopy !req
873. is screaming,
"Let the 12-year-old drive!"Copy !req
874. Now, punch it!Copy !req
875. This is awesome!Copy !req
876. I want to drive.Copy !req
877. I think that's a great idea.Copy !req
878. Wait! Two people
can't drive
at the same time.Copy !req
879. You're right.
We should all drive.Copy !req
880. Cat! Where are the brakes?Copy !req
881. I'll get them.Copy !req
882. I think
there's something
wrong with your brakes.Copy !req
883. When's the last time
you had them checked?Copy !req
884. Bad brake!Copy !req
885. One-way street,
one-way street,
one-way street,Copy !req
886. one-way street!Copy !req
887. Hey,
Rhode lsland license plate.Copy !req
888. You never see those.Copy !req
889. Om. Om.Copy !req
890. Air bag. Standard.Copy !req
891. I think I wet my jar.Copy !req
892. Can we do that again?Copy !req
893. Hey, there he is!Copy !req
894. Oh, no!
He's going
into Mom's office!Copy !req
895. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
896. Go, Conrad!Copy !req
897. You know, Nevins,Copy !req
898. when Joan finds out
you've escaped again,
Conrad will be moving out,Copy !req
899. and I'll be moving in.Copy !req
900. We've gotta get
Nevins and that lock back.Copy !req
901. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
902. Don't worry.
I have three plans.Copy !req
903. Plan "A" . . .Copy !req
904. Done that. Plan "B" . . .Copy !req
905. That could work.Copy !req
906. What about that one?Copy !req
907. Plan "C" . . .Copy !req
908. I don't know.
I still like Plan "B."Copy !req
909. Cat!Copy !req
910. Okay, okay. Plan "C."
Look at you.Copy !req
911. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
912. I'd like you to
sign my petition. Yeah.Copy !req
913. Get out of my way,
you hippie freak.Copy !req
914. Are you aware
of the senseless,
wholesale slaughterCopy !req
915. of the flatulating,
acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?Copy !req
916. What will it take to
get you out of my face?Copy !req
917. Just sign my petitionCopy !req
918. with this
large, oversized pen
that requires two hands.Copy !req
919. I see.Copy !req
920. Will you hold my dog?Copy !req
921. Yes!Copy !req
922. Okay,
I have a problem
with the word "dog."Copy !req
923. I don't use
the "D" word per seCopy !req
924. 'cause I think
it's really, really wrong.Copy !req
925. Yeah. But I will happily
hold your Canine-American.Copy !req
926. I'm more comfortable
with that really, yeah.Copy !req
927. How much is that
Canine-American
in the windowCopy !req
928. Cat! Come on!
Cat! Come on!Copy !req
929. Hey, what the . . .
Go, go, go!Copy !req
930. Come back here!
I'm on to you kids!Copy !req
931. Nothing to see here.
Keep moving! Go!Copy !req
932. Come on! Let's go.
Ah, get in, get in!Copy !req
933. Come on, let's go.
Get in! Hi, hi.Copy !req
934. Get in! Get in!Copy !req
935. Look out below!Copy !req
936. Oh! Sorry. Over there.Copy !req
937. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey!Copy !req
938. I got you!Copy !req
939. Here he comes! Cat!Copy !req
940. Cat!Copy !req
941. Where's my hat?
Oh! Go! Go, go!Copy !req
942. Go! Let's go!
My tail, my tail.Copy !req
943. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
944. I'm walking here!Copy !req
945. Joan. Joan!Copy !req
946. I think we lost him.Copy !req
947. Not the pocket.
Not the pocket.Copy !req
948. We got the lock back.
Now let's get home.Copy !req
949. Relax, kid.
I'm all over it.Copy !req
950. Hey.
What's wrong?Copy !req
951. This.Copy !req
952. This is not my hat.
I must have picked up
the wrong hat back there.Copy !req
953. So?
So . . .Copy !req
954. Without my hat,
I'm just your garden-variety,
six-foot-tall, talking cat.Copy !req
955. Joan, your children
are running around town
like complete maniacs.Copy !req
956. Yes, they are.
With some weird,
hairy man in a big hat.Copy !req
957. You're gonna believe
everything I'm telling youCopy !req
958. once we get to your house,
okay? Come on.Copy !req
959. We're doomed!Copy !req
960. We're dead.
This is all my fault.Copy !req
961. I'm such an idiot.Copy !req
962. Why do I always have
to do the opposite of
what I'm supposed to?Copy !req
963. Wait a second.
That's it! The opposite!Copy !req
964. Hey, Things!
Don't help us!Copy !req
965. Do not show up
and help us
get home right now!Copy !req
966. We're goin'
on a road trip!Copy !req
967. Larry's car?Copy !req
968. How'd you get so smart?Copy !req
969. So the race was on
to get back home first.Copy !req
970. Hang on! We gotta
beat Mom and Quinn home!Copy !req
971. But back at their home,
things were
just getting worse.Copy !req
972. There's Mom and Larry!Copy !req
973. Step on it, Joan.
Go, go, go.Copy !req
974. Oh, Things,
do not do anything
to slow down my mom.Copy !req
975. THlNG 1 : Slow down Mom!
THlNG 2: Slow down Mom!Copy !req
976. Look, Joan, they
don't beat them every day.Copy !req
977. Oh, great.Copy !req
978. I'm sorry, Officer.
Was I speeding?Copy !req
979. Mekka-dekka license,
appa registration.Copy !req
980. Mekka-dekka,
you're one hot mama.Copy !req
981. Hey, that's my car. Joan,
we better go right away.Copy !req
982. Please let me handle this.Copy !req
983. Sorry, I guess I was
in a hurry to get home.Copy !req
984. I'm not gonna let
them get away with this.Copy !req
985. Meet me at the house!Copy !req
986. Not so fast,
you little maggots!Copy !req
987. Oh, you are so busted.
Now get inside.Copy !req
988. You don't
want to go in there.
It's going to be a total . . .Copy !req
989. What?Copy !req
990. Sally, what happened?Copy !req
991. What about
the mother of all messes?Copy !req
992. I don't know.Copy !req
993. Why am I sneezing?Copy !req
994. That'd be me. Boo!Copy !req
995. You're a giant . . .Copy !req
996. Cat!Copy !req
997. Judas Priest!Copy !req
998. Mamma mia.Copy !req
999. What happened
to our house?Copy !req
1000. It's the mother
of all messes.Copy !req
1001. Yup!Copy !req
1002. Pure, unadulterated fun
without any good sense
or judgment.Copy !req
1003. See, Corn Dog,
this is why I warned youCopy !req
1004. not to open the crate.Copy !req
1005. Although,
on the plus side,Copy !req
1006. I think people
will be talking aboutCopy !req
1007. tonight's party for
the rest of their lives.Copy !req
1008. We gotta shut the crate!
Come on!Copy !req
1009. Okay.Copy !req
1010. Let's take
the front hall carpet.Copy !req
1011. This can't be
the front hall.Copy !req
1012. This is what happens
when you mix
your world and my world.Copy !req
1013. Oh, and when you
eat bad shellfish.Copy !req
1014. Let's go. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1015. Cat, how
do we find the crate?Copy !req
1016. Beats me.Copy !req
1017. This hat is worthless,
and it makes me look fat.Copy !req
1018. Where's Mrs. Kwan?Copy !req
1019. Here she comes,
right on schedule.Copy !req
1020. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1021. We're going to
ride Mrs. Kwan?Copy !req
1022. Sure! It's the only
way to the crate. Hop on.Copy !req
1023. This is gonna be good.Copy !req
1024. Please keep
your hands and feet
in the Kwan at all times.Copy !req
1025. Enjoy the ride!Copy !req
1026. Ladies and gentlemen,
the dining room.Copy !req
1027. This is the dining room?Copy !req
1028. Hey, look. Chandelier.Copy !req
1029. Is that the bathroom?Copy !req
1030. You might want to
hold it for a while.Copy !req
1031. Something like that
really burns my . . .Copy !req
1032. This is amazing!
It's like a ride at
an amusement park!Copy !req
1033. You mean,
like at Universal Studios.Copy !req
1034. Cha-ching.Copy !req
1035. Please exit
the Kwan to your left.Copy !req
1036. Have a nice day!Copy !req
1037. This is ridiculous.
I have to get home.Copy !req
1038. Police brutality.
lllegal choke hold.Copy !req
1039. Where are we?Copy !req
1040. The living room, I think.Copy !req
1041. Ah, man.
My eyes are closed.Copy !req
1042. if there's no line, could we
go back and do that again?Copy !req
1043. There's the crate!Copy !req
1044. if we shut the crate,
the house will
go back to normal.Copy !req
1045. You have the lock?Copy !req
1046. Got it. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1047. Sally!Copy !req
1048. Come on!Copy !req
1049. It won't shut!Copy !req
1050. Sally! Everything is
disappearing up there!Copy !req
1051. Help!Copy !req
1052. Sally!Copy !req
1053. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
1054. Sal . . .Copy !req
1055. Help me, Conrad!Copy !req
1056. Sally!Copy !req
1057. Help me! I can't hold on!Copy !req
1058. Hang on!Copy !req
1059. Help me, Conrad!Copy !req
1060. Help!Copy !req
1061. Sally,
I can't reach the lock!Copy !req
1062. No!Copy !req
1063. I can't save you
unless you let go!Copy !req
1064. Okay.Copy !req
1065. Help me!Copy !req
1066. Yes.Copy !req
1067. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1068. I did it. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1069. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1070. Okay, "we" did it.Copy !req
1071. I don't think
we did anything.Copy !req
1072. The place is still a wreck.Copy !req
1073. You said
if we shut the crate,
everything would be okay!Copy !req
1074. But it's not.
It's a complete disaster.Copy !req
1075. Well, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
1076. Tennis, anyone?Copy !req
1077. Love that new ball smell.
Yeah.Copy !req
1078. Hey, your hat,
it's magic again?Copy !req
1079. Oops.Copy !req
1080. Well, now that
the cat's out of the bag,Copy !req
1081. to use an archaic
and cruel-sounding metaphor,Copy !req
1082. why don't you serve first?Copy !req
1083. You had your real
hat this whole time?Copy !req
1084. Yup. I planned
the whole day.Copy !req
1085. What do you mean,
you planned the whole day?Copy !req
1086. All of it?
Yup.Copy !req
1087. The house getting trashed?
Yup.Copy !req
1088. Quinn taking Nevins?
Yup.Copy !req
1089. Cutting off your tail?
Nope. No.Copy !req
1090. You even knew
I'd open the crate?Copy !req
1091. Why do you think
I made it my one rule?Copy !req
1092. I knew you couldn't resist.Copy !req
1093. Now, who's up for a game
of Canadian doubles?Copy !req
1094. Cat, you said
nothing bad would happen.Copy !req
1095. Cat, you need to get out.Copy !req
1096. I don't know that game.Copy !req
1097. It's not a game.
None of this is a game!Copy !req
1098. But I thought
you two wanted
to have fun today.Copy !req
1099. Look around, Cat.Copy !req
1100. You were right.
It's fun to have fun,
but you have to know how.Copy !req
1101. You don't know
when enough is enough.Copy !req
1102. Now, go!Copy !req
1103. Suzy.Copy !req
1104. Cromwell.Copy !req
1105. Please.Copy !req
1106. Out!
Out!Copy !req
1107. Good riddance.Copy !req
1108. Now, this may not be the time
for "l told you so," but . . .Copy !req
1109. Like I said,
not the time.Copy !req
1110. I'll get the mop
and bucket.Copy !req
1111. Conrad, you might
want to get out of hereCopy !req
1112. until Mom has
a chance to calm down.Copy !req
1113. No.
This was my fault.
I'll take the blame.Copy !req
1114. Look,
Mom will be home any second.Copy !req
1115. Why don't you go upstairs?Copy !req
1116. I'm not going upstairs.
I'm staying with you.Copy !req
1117. Really? Why?Copy !req
1118. Two reasons.Copy !req
1119. One,
the stairs are destroyed.Copy !req
1120. Two, this is just as
much my fault as yours.Copy !req
1121. We should
share the blame.Copy !req
1122. Thanks, Sally.Copy !req
1123. By the way,
you're a pretty good brother.Copy !req
1124. Glad you think that.Copy !req
1125. Maybe we can
room together
at military school.Copy !req
1126. Well, here goes.Copy !req
1127. Bet you thought I'd gone
Bet you felt a stingCopy !req
1128. Bet you never thought
I'd have another song to singCopy !req
1129. But now that
you've learned your lesson
Allow me to blow your mindCopy !req
1130. By reading to
you the small printCopy !req
1131. of the contract
that you signedCopy !req
1132. Okay, section eight,
article 93, subparagraph 834.Copy !req
1133. Right by the chili stain.Copy !req
1134. It reads, "if Conrad,
a.k.a. Concrete,
should open the crate,"Copy !req
1135. and we know he will,
"the contract shall
be null and void.Copy !req
1136. "However,Copy !req
1137. "if Sally and Conrad
should learn
from their mistakes,Copy !req
1138. "the contract
shall be reinstated."Copy !req
1139. And I think
you two have satisfied
the legal burden of learning.Copy !req
1140. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
1141. So there's just
one last game to play.Copy !req
1142. It's called
"Clean Up the House."Copy !req
1143. Kids,
meet the Dynamic lndustrial
Renovating Tractormajigger.Copy !req
1144. D-l-R-T?
D-l-R-T?Copy !req
1145. That's right!Copy !req
1146. It's getting
better all the timeCopy !req
1147. I used to get
mad at my schoolCopy !req
1148. The teachers who
taught me weren't coolCopy !req
1149. You're holding me downCopy !req
1150. Turning me 'roundCopy !req
1151. Filling me up with your rulesCopy !req
1152. I've got to admit
it's getting better
BetterCopy !req
1153. A little better all the timeCopy !req
1154. It can't get no worseCopy !req
1155. I have to admit
it's getting better
BetterCopy !req
1156. A little better
since you've been mineCopy !req
1157. Me used to be
an angry young manCopy !req
1158. Me hiding my head in the sandCopy !req
1159. You gave me the word
I finally heardCopy !req
1160. I'm doing
the best that I can, yeahCopy !req
1161. I've got to admit
it's getting betterCopy !req
1162. Better
A little better all the timeCopy !req
1163. Can't get no worseCopy !req
1164. I have to admit
it's getting betterCopy !req
1165. Better
It's getting betterCopy !req
1166. Since you've been mineCopy !req
1167. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1168. Getting so much betterCopy !req
1169. These drapes are
so out, they're in!Copy !req
1170. All the timeCopy !req
1171. It's getting
better all the timeCopy !req
1172. Better, better, betterCopy !req
1173. Spin! Spin!Copy !req
1174. It's getting
better all the timeCopy !req
1175. Better, better, betterCopy !req
1176. I have to admit
it's getting betterCopy !req
1177. A little better all the timeCopy !req
1178. It can't get no worse
Yes,
I admit it's getting betterCopy !req
1179. It's getting betterCopy !req
1180. Bye.Copy !req
1181. Since you've been mineCopy !req
1182. Getting so much
better all the timeCopy !req
1183. Okay, we had some good times.Copy !req
1184. We cleaned up the house.Copy !req
1185. We even managed to work in
an up-tempo pop tune
for the soundtrack.Copy !req
1186. That's important.Copy !req
1187. I guess there's just
one last thing to check.Copy !req
1188. Looks like
everything's in balance,Copy !req
1189. but you're still smoking
way too many cigars.Copy !req
1190. And you, lay off the sauce.Copy !req
1191. Cat, this day
has been amazing.Copy !req
1192. Thank you, Cat.Copy !req
1193. For everything.Copy !req
1194. Conrad?Copy !req
1195. Sally?Copy !req
1196. Adieu.Copy !req
1197. Cat!
Cat!Copy !req
1198. Wait, Cat.Copy !req
1199. Don't go.Copy !req
1200. All right, kids.Copy !req
1201. This place
better not be a mess.Copy !req
1202. I'm home.Copy !req
1203. Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mom.Copy !req
1204. Miss Walden, home so soon?Copy !req
1205. The children were angels.Copy !req
1206. Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.Copy !req
1207. Hello, Joan.Copy !req
1208. Lawrence,
what happened to you?Copy !req
1209. They happened to me.Copy !req
1210. Your demonic children.Copy !req
1211. They destroyed your house!Copy !req
1212. The house was alive.Copy !req
1213. The wall was made of paper.Copy !req
1214. I fell off the cliff.
And the giant cat . . .Copy !req
1215. The giant cat!Copy !req
1216. Tell her.Copy !req
1217. Larry, Larry.Copy !req
1218. You look terrible,Copy !req
1219. and my mom
thinks you're insane.Copy !req
1220. This is what we in sales
call "a win-win scenario."Copy !req
1221. Joan, you are passing up
the opportunity
of a lifetime.Copy !req
1222. You know what kind
of kid your boy is.Copy !req
1223. I mean,
who are you
going to believe?Copy !req
1224. You're right. I do know
what kind of kid Conrad is.Copy !req
1225. He can be irresponsible.
Yes.Copy !req
1226. He makes bad choices.Copy !req
1227. Yes.Copy !req
1228. Sometimes he makes me
want to tear my hair out.Copy !req
1229. Yes. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1230. But he's a good kid,
and I believe in him.Copy !req
1231. Now, I'd like you to leave.Copy !req
1232. Wha . . . Joan. Joan.Copy !req
1233. Joan. Joan.Copy !req
1234. Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
1235. Will you marry me, Joan?Copy !req
1236. Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
1237. Yes!
Yeah!Copy !req
1238. Yeah!Copy !req
1239. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
1240. Mr. Humberfloob?Copy !req
1241. Almost got me again.
Enjoy the party.Copy !req
1242. Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
1243. Joan, the party's a hit
and the house is immaculate.Copy !req
1244. Congratulations.Copy !req
1245. Miss Walden. Miss Walden.Copy !req
1246. Chicka-ow,
chicka-ow, chica-yee-haw!Copy !req
1247. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
1248. Honey,
your cupcakes
are a huge hit.Copy !req
1249. What did you
put in them?Copy !req
1250. Mom, you can make
cupcakes out of anything.Copy !req
1251. Are you telling me
you can make cupcakes
out of anything?Copy !req
1252. Anything.Copy !req
1253. Anything?Copy !req
1254. So what did you
kids do today, huh?Copy !req
1255. Well, what would you do
if your mother asked you?Copy !req
1256. The family was whole,
all thanks to the Cat,Copy !req
1257. who was
dashing and charming,
no doubt about that.Copy !req
1258. He was witty and culturedCopy !req
1259. and, well, very endearing
and tremendously attractive,Copy !req
1260. but in a sort of real way.Copy !req
1261. You know,
kind of an approachable wayCopy !req
1262. that I think
you don't see these days...Copy !req
1263. Hello! I was just . . .Copy !req
1264. I really should be going.Copy !req
1265. How'd they get so smart?Copy !req
1266. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1267. Come on, Things!
Let's go!Copy !req
1268. What's on my
schedule for tomorrow?Copy !req
1269. What do you say
we go on vacation?Copy !req
1270. How about Hawaii?
I like Hawaii.Copy !req
1271. I should warn you,
there are certain placesCopy !req
1272. that don't allow
certain Things.Copy !req
1273. Oh, Things are complicated.Copy !req
1274. Things are getting weird
Things are getting toughCopy !req
1275. Nothing's making sense
but you keep on looking upCopy !req
1276. They tell you to be true
You're trying every dayCopy !req
1277. To keep it on the real
Still you gotta find a wayCopy !req
1278. To make your mama happy
To make your papa proudCopy !req
1279. You wanna turn it up
but all you hear
is "tone it down"Copy !req
1280. So gather 'round,
I'm here to sayCopy !req
1281. You'll never
make everybody's dayCopy !req
1282. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1283. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1284. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1285. Everybody just get on,
get on, get onCopy !req
1286. Get started and
go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1287. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1288. Sometimes I wanna cry
or throw the towel inCopy !req
1289. They try to bring me down
but I'll take it on the chinCopy !req
1290. And everywhere I go
the people are the sameCopy !req
1291. They just want to know
that everything will be okayCopy !req
1292. When things are getting rough
you turn it back aroundCopy !req
1293. You gotta turn it up
when they tell
you "tone it down"Copy !req
1294. So gather 'round,
I'm here to sayCopy !req
1295. You'll never
make everybody's dayCopy !req
1296. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1297. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1298. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1299. Everybody just get on,
get on, get onCopy !req
1300. Get started and
go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1301. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1302. Just hang onCopy !req
1303. So gather 'round,
I'm here to sayCopy !req
1304. You'll never
make everybody's dayCopy !req
1305. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1306. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1307. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1308. Everybody just get on,
get on, get onCopy !req
1309. Get started and
go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1310. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1311. Hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1312. Everybody just get on,
get on, get onCopy !req
1313. Get started and
go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1314. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1315. Just hang onCopy !req