1. There are gajillions
of stories of mischief and fun,Copy !req
2. but to keep things simple,
let's start with just oneCopy !req
3. about a mom and two kids
and a house and a hatCopy !req
4. that, oddly enough, was worn by a cat.Copy !req
5. But soon enough
we will get to all that.Copy !req
6. In the valley that stretches
from this hill to that hill,Copy !req
7. a city is nestled.Copy !req
8. That city is Anville.Copy !req
9. Hurry up!
We'll miss the movie!Copy !req
10. Any more tutti-frutti?Copy !req
11. I'll check.
Thanks!Copy !req
12. It's a town that's not huge,
but quite big enoughCopy !req
13. for buyers and sellers
to sell and buy stuff,Copy !req
14. from shoes and shirts
and elongated laddersCopy !req
15. to sailboats and gibble-grated
berry-juice bladders.Copy !req
16. So our story begins at the
corner of Main and MontroobCopy !req
17. in the spotless real estate officeCopy !req
18. run by Hank Humberfloob.Copy !req
19. Humberfloob Real Estate.Copy !req
20. How can we make your dreams come true?Copy !req
21. What do you mean, you're leaving?Copy !req
22. You're a babysitter.Copy !req
23. Babysitters don't leave.
They sit.Copy !req
24. Baby-leavers leave.Copy !req
25. I'm sorry. I really
gotta go, Miss Walden.Copy !req
26. Well, I need to come home right away.Copy !req
27. I forgot.Copy !req
28. All right.
Thank you, Amy.Copy !req
29. Sorry.Copy !req
30. Attention, everyone.
It's 9:02.Copy !req
31. Staff meeting.
Staff meeting.Copy !req
32. First I'd like to welcome aboardCopy !req
33. our newest member
of the Humberfloob family,Copy !req
34. Jim McFlinnagan!Copy !req
35. Mr.
Humberfloob, I wanted to thank you...Copy !req
36. Fired.
I beg your pardon?Copy !req
37. Fired.Copy !req
38. But I...Copy !req
39. Fired!Copy !req
40. As you know, tonight is our
bimonthly Meet & Greet party.Copy !req
41. Tonight's host is Joan Walden.Copy !req
42. This is where people can
meet our real estate agentsCopy !req
43. in an informal, yet hygienic setting.Copy !req
44. Mr. Humberfloob, I have
to get home to my kids.Copy !req
45. Ah, yes.Copy !req
46. Your children.Copy !req
47. Joan, let me make
this perfectly clear.Copy !req
48. If your house is as
messy as last time,Copy !req
49. you're fired!Copy !req
50. That's pretty clear,
Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
51. Don't worry. I promise,Copy !req
52. my kids'll be on their best behavior.Copy !req
53. Great.Copy !req
54. Humberfloob Real Estate.Copy !req
55. How can we make your dreams come true?Copy !req
56. Please hold.Copy !req
57. If you leave Humberfloob's
and turn left onto Main,Copy !req
58. three miles down
you'll find Lipplapper Lane,Copy !req
59. a pleasant-enough street
in a pleasant-enough wayCopy !req
60. where a neighbor greeted neighbor
with a neighborly "Hey!"Copy !req
61. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
62. Here the hedges were hedged,
the weeds were all weeded,Copy !req
63. and lawns were mowed daily,
twice daily if needed.Copy !req
64. And at the end of this street,
in a house like any other,Copy !req
65. something magical would happen
to a sister and her brother.Copy !req
66. Nevins, stealth mode.Copy !req
67. Today's to-do list.Copy !req
68. Make to-do list.Copy !req
69. Practice coloring.Copy !req
70. Research graduate schools.Copy !req
71. Be spontaneous.Copy !req
72. Create lasting childhood memories.Copy !req
73. Amend will.Copy !req
74. What is he doing?Copy !req
75. Make tomorrow's to-do list.Copy !req
76. Ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
77. Nevins, your attention, please.Copy !req
78. You are about to witness the
third most spectacular stuntCopy !req
79. ever performed under this roof!Copy !req
80. Do you know how hard it's gettingCopy !req
81. to tell people that we're related?Copy !req
82. Relax.
I'll put everything back.Copy !req
83. And now, for the indoor stair luge!Copy !req
84. Indoor stair luge?Copy !req
85. I'll have to add this one to my list.Copy !req
86. Go have no fun somewhere else.Copy !req
87. It is showtime!Copy !req
88. Oh, my word!Copy !req
89. Nevins!Copy !req
90. Nevins, come back!Copy !req
91. Hey, Mom. What's up?Copy !req
92. You are so lucky you
didn't ruin this dress.Copy !req
93. Mom, I know you're angry, but
there's something you need to know.Copy !req
94. This was all Sally's fault.Copy !req
95. Really?Copy !req
96. And how, exactly,
was it Sally's fault?Copy !req
97. Give me a minute.
I'm working on it.Copy !req
98. Save it, Conrad.Copy !req
99. Why today? Why did you have to
pick today to destroy the house?Copy !req
100. You know what's happening today.Copy !req
101. I tried to tell him, Mom.Copy !req
102. "Mom's throwing a very
important party," I said.Copy !req
103. "All of her important
clients will be here."Copy !req
104. But he went right ahead
and wrecked the house,Copy !req
105. and let Nevins get away.Copy !req
106. Now, again, I hope
you're going to ground him.Copy !req
107. Yes, Sally, for a week,Copy !req
108. but that's none of your business.Copy !req
109. A week?
Come on. Two days.Copy !req
110. I asked you to do one thing today,
Conrad, keep the house clean.Copy !req
111. Do you know how frustrating it isCopy !req
112. that you're always doing the
exact opposite of what I say?Copy !req
113. Knock, knock, knock.Copy !req
114. Someone lose a dog?Copy !req
115. I found him next door
in my yard, again.Copy !req
116. You are a saint.Copy !req
117. And here I thought you were only
dating me for my good looks.Copy !req
118. Lucky us.
Larry Quinn is here.Copy !req
119. Hey-a, sport.
Call me Lawrence. Okay?Copy !req
120. You rescued Nevins.
Thanks, Lawrence.Copy !req
121. It was my pleasure, Sally.Copy !req
122. Anything for my little princess.Copy !req
123. I don't wanna be a princess.Copy !req
124. In a constitutional monarchy,Copy !req
125. parliament has all the real power.Copy !req
126. I see.
Okay, that's great.Copy !req
127. Look, pal, be a sport.Copy !req
128. Why don't you go
tidy up the living room.Copy !req
129. Okay, dude?Copy !req
130. I don't have to listen to you, Larry.Copy !req
131. Conrad, do what Lawrence says.Copy !req
132. Have you given some thought
about the Wilhelm Academy?Copy !req
133. You mean the Colonel Wilhelm
Military Academy for Troubled Youth?Copy !req
134. That's the one, Joan.Copy !req
135. I'm not sure it's right for Conrad.Copy !req
136. Oh, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
137. Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
138. I have so much respect for you, Joan.Copy !req
139. Single mother, career woman,
raising two children on your own,Copy !req
140. and still finding time to be the best
darned real estate agent in town.Copy !req
141. I know how hard it is, Joan.Copy !req
142. It is hard.Copy !req
143. I know.Copy !req
144. And I know how hard you're trying.Copy !req
145. This is a once-in-a-
lifetime proposition,Copy !req
146. and you must act now.Copy !req
147. The Colonel Wilhelm Military
Academy for Troubled YouthCopy !req
148. is what we call in the sales
game a win-win scenario.Copy !req
149. A top-flight
military school,Copy !req
150. and it's only eight hours away.Copy !req
151. The phone.Copy !req
152. I heard what you said.Copy !req
153. I'm not going to
military school, Larry.Copy !req
154. Look, buddy,Copy !req
155. I know I'm not your dad,Copy !req
156. and this is probably
really strange for you,Copy !req
157. your neighbor's dating your mom.Copy !req
158. But here's the thing, son.
Come here.Copy !req
159. I don't like you, either.Copy !req
160. But I'm gonna marry your mom.Copy !req
161. And if it was up to me, you'd
be at military school today.Copy !req
162. I'm not going to military school.Copy !req
163. I think you're gonna love it.Copy !req
164. It's just like summer camp,
except with brutal forced marchesCopy !req
165. and soul-crushing discipline.Copy !req
166. And one more thing, it's Lawrence,Copy !req
167. you snot-nosed son
of a wonderful womanCopy !req
168. who I'm absolutely crazy about!Copy !req
169. Gosh, I love children!Copy !req
170. Joan, I didn't see you there.Copy !req
171. Would you be a doll and help meCopy !req
172. bring up chairs from the basement?Copy !req
173. Nothing would give me more pleasure,
Joan, but I do have to run.Copy !req
174. I have a very important
sales conference downtown.Copy !req
175. Okay.Copy !req
176. Well, I'll see you
at the party tonight.Copy !req
177. Sure.Copy !req
178. Mom, that guy's a total phony.Copy !req
179. You can't let Larry...Copy !req
180. It's Lawrence, Conrad.Copy !req
181. Kate's Catering.
I'm here to do your party tonight.Copy !req
182. Hi. Where's Kate?Copy !req
183. I'm Kate.Copy !req
184. Okay.Copy !req
185. Right this way, Kate.Copy !req
186. Quiet!Copy !req
187. Two weeks ago you said you would...Copy !req
188. I "specialed" it. See?Copy !req
189. Quiet! Nevins!Copy !req
190. I said quiet!Copy !req
191. Joan Walden Real Estate.Copy !req
192. Be it ever so humble,
there's no place like Joan.Copy !req
193. This is Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
194. Hi, Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
195. Joan, I need you to
come back to the office.Copy !req
196. Today?
Yes, Joan.Copy !req
197. No problem?Copy !req
198. No problem at all.Copy !req
199. Great!Copy !req
200. What's going on, Mommy?Copy !req
201. Mommy has to go back to the office.Copy !req
202. I hope Mrs. Kwan can baby-sit.Copy !req
203. Not Mrs. Kwan!Copy !req
204. Hi, Mrs. Kwan.
Hi.Copy !req
205. I'm running late. Thanks for
baby-sitting on such short notice.Copy !req
206. Yeah.Copy !req
207. Okay, Mrs. Kwan.Copy !req
208. I'll be back in a couple of hours.Copy !req
209. Hi.Copy !req
210. Conrad's grounded, so no video games.Copy !req
211. Sally? Last chance.Copy !req
212. If you wanna make cupcakes, I can take
you to your friend Ginny's house.Copy !req
213. Ginny's not my friend anymore.Copy !req
214. Last time we made cupcakes,Copy !req
215. she wanted to be the head chef.Copy !req
216. I'm the head chef.Copy !req
217. What about Denise, then?Copy !req
218. She talked back to me, so I ordered
her not to speak to me anymore.Copy !req
219. And you don't like bossy?Copy !req
220. I won't tolerate it.Copy !req
221. Right.Copy !req
222. If you're both staying,
remember the rules.Copy !req
223. No playing ball in
the house, no fighting,Copy !req
224. no answering the phone,
"City morgue"...Copy !req
225. Mommy, can't I have some rules?Copy !req
226. No chewing tobacco.Copy !req
227. Thanks, Mom.
You have my word.Copy !req
228. And absolutely no one sets foot
in the living room, or else.Copy !req
229. Or else what?
You're gonna do what Larry saidCopy !req
230. and send me to military school?Copy !req
231. Maybe if you'd just behave, I wouldn't
have to consider military school.Copy !req
232. I wish I could trust you.Copy !req
233. I wish I had a different mom.Copy !req
234. Well, sometimes I wish the same thing.Copy !req
235. Good luck with your meeting.Copy !req
236. Children, would you like to
watch television with me?Copy !req
237. We don't have to tell your mother.Copy !req
238. Taiwanese parliament.
Taiwanese parliament.Copy !req
239. You tell them, Kwi-Chang.Copy !req
240. No more big government.Copy !req
241. Rip his heart out!Copy !req
242. Hit me!Copy !req
243. So they slumped in their chairs,Copy !req
244. too glum to complain,Copy !req
245. and to make matters worse,
it started to rain.Copy !req
246. They sat in the house
on that cold, cold, wet dayCopy !req
247. with no fun to have
and no games to play.Copy !req
248. They could just stare out the
window or perhaps get a nap in,Copy !req
249. and hope that something,
anything might happen.Copy !req
250. Quit bothering the fish.Copy !req
251. I know.
"Quit bothering the fish."Copy !req
252. Spit hand!
Gross!Copy !req
253. Get that away from me!Copy !req
254. Get it away!Copy !req
255. Then something went bump.Copy !req
256. What was that?Copy !req
257. How that bump made them jump.Copy !req
258. I think it came from the closet.Copy !req
259. Conrad?Copy !req
260. Conrad.Copy !req
261. Come on, Conrad.Copy !req
262. You shouldn't scare people.Copy !req
263. You should've seen
the look on your face.Copy !req
264. It was like you saw a monster...Copy !req
265. A monster? Where?Copy !req
266. That could've gone better.Copy !req
267. - What was that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
268. Looked like a humongous cat.Copy !req
269. "Humongous"?Copy !req
270. I prefer the term "big-boned" or "jolly.
" Now, what are we hiding from?Copy !req
271. That was a giant cat.Copy !req
272. But that's impossible, isn't it?Copy !req
273. It's entirely impossible.Copy !req
274. You know, I like this
hiding place a lot better.Copy !req
275. They'll never find us here.Copy !req
276. Scream and run.Copy !req
277. And there they go.Copy !req
278. Who are you?Copy !req
279. Who? Me?Copy !req
280. Why, I'm the Cat in the Hat.Copy !req
281. There's no doubt about that.Copy !req
282. I'm a super-fun-diferous
felineCopy !req
283. who's here to make sure that you're...Copy !req
284. Meeline? Key lime?Copy !req
285. Turpentine?Copy !req
286. I got nothing.Copy !req
287. I'm not so good with the rhyming.Copy !req
288. Not really, no.Copy !req
289. Look, I'm a cat that can talk.Copy !req
290. That should be enough for you people!Copy !req
291. I can talk!
I'm a cat! Yes!Copy !req
292. Where did you come from?Copy !req
293. How do I put this?Copy !req
294. When a mommy cat and a daddy catCopy !req
295. love each other very much,Copy !req
296. they decide that...Copy !req
297. Oh, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
298. Where did you come from?Copy !req
299. My place!
Where do you think?Copy !req
300. No, how did you get here?Copy !req
301. I drove!Copy !req
302. Look, I've been
here two whole minutes,Copy !req
303. and no one has offered me a drink.Copy !req
304. Sorry, Mr. Cat.
Would you like some milk?Copy !req
305. Milk? No!Copy !req
306. Lactose intolerant.
Gums up the works.Copy !req
307. You'll thank me later.Copy !req
308. Hello! Surf's up!Copy !req
309. Yeah.Copy !req
310. Nice spread you got here.Copy !req
311. Homina-homina-homina-homina!Copy !req
312. Who is this?Copy !req
313. That's my mom.Copy !req
314. Awkward, yeah.Copy !req
315. Yes, this place will do quite
nicely, actually. Yeah.Copy !req
316. Although those
drapes are a train wreck.Copy !req
317. And this is the lumpiest
couch I ever sat on.Copy !req
318. Who is this dreadfully
uncomfortable woman?Copy !req
319. Get off her.
That's our baby-sitter.Copy !req
320. What the... Baby-sitter?Copy !req
321. You don't need one of those, do you?Copy !req
322. Let me get this straight.Copy !req
323. You pay this woman to sit on babies?Copy !req
324. That's disgusting!Copy !req
325. I'd do it for nothing!Copy !req
326. Now, let's see what the old
phunometer has to say.Copy !req
327. "Phunometer"?Copy !req
328. Yeah. It measures how fun you are.Copy !req
329. Hi.Copy !req
330. Control freak. Yeah.Copy !req
331. Now, you.Copy !req
332. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
333. Tap it.Copy !req
334. Listen, kid,Copy !req
335. you can tap it with a hammer,
it ain't gonna change.Copy !req
336. Just as I suspected.Copy !req
337. You guys are both out of whack.Copy !req
338. You're a control freak,
and you're a rule-breaker.Copy !req
339. That'll be $700.Copy !req
340. Who's your insurance carrier?Copy !req
341. So, what do we do?Copy !req
342. Well, there are two
treatments I'd recommend.Copy !req
343. One is a series of painful shotsCopy !req
344. injected into your
abdomen and kneecap.Copy !req
345. And the other
involves a musical number!Copy !req
346. Me-Me-Me-MeowCopy !req
347. How many shots?Copy !req
348. "How many shots?"
Aren't you precious?Copy !req
349. Maestro!Copy !req
350. I know it is wetCopy !req
351. And the sun is not sunnyCopy !req
352. But we can have lots of
good fun that is funnyCopy !req
353. It's fun to have funCopy !req
354. But you got to know howCopy !req
355. Hair ball.Copy !req
356. I know lots of good tricks and I'll...Copy !req
357. Stop this right now!Copy !req
358. Who said that?
Me!Copy !req
359. Remember? The fish?Copy !req
360. Came home in a Baggie, loved me
for two weeks, and then nothing!Copy !req
361. The fish is talking!Copy !req
362. Well, sure, he can talk.
But is he saying anything?Copy !req
363. No, not really. No.Copy !req
364. Hey, Socks, can it!
This cat should not be here.Copy !req
365. He should not be about.
He should not be here when your mother is out.Copy !req
366. Come on, kids.
You gonna listen to him?Copy !req
367. He drinks where he pees.Copy !req
368. There was this cat I knew
back home where I was bredCopy !req
369. He never listened to
a single thing his mother saidCopy !req
370. He never used the litter box
He made a mess in the hallCopy !req
371. That's why they sent him to a
vet To cut off both his ba...Copy !req
372. Ba, ba...Copy !req
373. Boy, that wasn't fun, fun, funCopy !req
374. He never learns
You can have fun, fun, funCopy !req
375. But less is moreCopy !req
376. They may ship you off to
school so rein it in a littleCopy !req
377. We can't spell "fun"
without "U" in the middleCopy !req
378. Children, this cat is
currently in violation of...Copy !req
379. 17 of your mother's rules.Copy !req
380. City morgue!
Eighteen!Copy !req
381. Olé!Copy !req
382. You can juggle work and play
but you have to know the wayCopy !req
383. You can keep or float a wish
like the way I do this fishCopy !req
384. You can be a happy fella
Someone throw me that umbrellaCopy !req
385. And that rake, that cake
Life's what you make itCopy !req
386. So have fun, fun, funCopy !req
387. Go insane and have some fun, fun, funCopy !req
388. Just look at me Fun, fun, funCopy !req
389. No more rain
Look, it's the sun, sun, sunCopy !req
390. So can't you see
I'm as happy as a clamCopy !req
391. I'm as fit as a fiddleCopy !req
392. Yeah, the dogs may bark about youCopy !req
393. And the purebred chaps may doubt youCopy !req
394. Getting motion sickness!Copy !req
395. Milk? Big mistake.Copy !req
396. But remember this You can't
have fun without "U"...Copy !req
397. I can't breathe!Copy !req
398. I knew that milk would
come back to haunt me.Copy !req
399. Help! Help!Copy !req
400. "U" in the middleCopy !req
401. Bravo, Cat.Copy !req
402. Huh? These children are smart enoughCopy !req
403. not to fall for
your MTV-style flashCopy !req
404. at the expense of
content and moral values.Copy !req
405. That was wicked cool.Copy !req
406. Do it again.Copy !req
407. I'd love to, but Shamu is right.
I really should be going.Copy !req
408. No, don't go.Copy !req
409. No, I should go.Copy !req
410. I should let you and the fish have
all your fun conjugating verbs,Copy !req
411. cleaning your room,
doing long division.Copy !req
412. No, you have to stay.Copy !req
413. All right, I'll stay.
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
414. Yeah!Copy !req
415. But if I'm gonna stay, there's
something I wanna show you.Copy !req
416. Something magical and full of wonder.Copy !req
417. It's called a contract.Copy !req
418. You want us to sign this?Copy !req
419. Just a formality, really.
Yeah.Copy !req
420. Who are they?Copy !req
421. Magical time-traveling elves.Copy !req
422. Yeah. Magic.Copy !req
423. Okay, they're my lawyers.Copy !req
424. Liability issues, litigious society,Copy !req
425. frivolous lawsuits.
You understand.Copy !req
426. Basically, this contract guaranteesCopy !req
427. you can have all the fun you want,Copy !req
428. and nothing bad's ever gonna happen.Copy !req
429. All the fun we want?Copy !req
430. Yeah.Copy !req
431. Nothing bad will happen?Copy !req
432. No.Copy !req
433. Come on, Sal, for once in your
life try something spontaneous.Copy !req
434. It goes against my
better instincts, but...Copy !req
435. Fine.Copy !req
436. Beautiful. Initial here.Copy !req
437. And here. And here.Copy !req
438. Not here!Copy !req
439. Turn it over.Copy !req
440. This is nothing.Copy !req
441. Scratch this.Copy !req
442. Smell that! Terrific.Copy !req
443. Yadee-yadee-yadee.Copy !req
444. Sign the bottom.Copy !req
445. Great! Okay, gimme five!Copy !req
446. Four.Copy !req
447. Let's get this party started!Copy !req
448. Hey, check out this room!Copy !req
449. What now?Copy !req
450. Mom says we're not allowed in
the living room today, or else.Copy !req
451. She's worried
we'll mess up the couchesCopy !req
452. by jumping on 'em or something.Copy !req
453. And she's right.
You can't jump on these.Copy !req
454. Not like this.
They need some adjustment.Copy !req
455. Let's take a look under the hood.Copy !req
456. Yeah.Copy !req
457. Use my jack.Copy !req
458. Sorry.Copy !req
459. What have we got here?
Whew.Copy !req
460. Here we go.Copy !req
461. It's over-sized.
That's unusual.Copy !req
462. Here it is.Copy !req
463. Down, Simba! Down, Simba!
Get out of here!Copy !req
464. Spray me, would you?
You...Copy !req
465. Thanks for the help.Copy !req
466. Back in a second.Copy !req
467. Who's your couch mechanic?Copy !req
468. You ought to
call Mr. Catwrench.Copy !req
469. My fur! My fur! My fur!Copy !req
470. That ought to do it.
Whoo!Copy !req
471. Come on, kids.
I could use a little company.Copy !req
472. What about Mom's party?Copy !req
473. What about it?
We signed the contract.Copy !req
474. One cushion left, Sally.Copy !req
475. She'll never do it.
She doesn't know how to have fun.Copy !req
476. Fun? Sally,
you're better than fun.Copy !req
477. Fun is beneath you.Copy !req
478. Remember what your mother told you.Copy !req
479. No one sets foot in the living room...Copy !req
480. You know what?
Let's just watch some flashbacks.Copy !req
481. Absolutely no one sets foot
in the living room, or else.Copy !req
482. You're fired, fired,
fired, fired, fired, fired,Copy !req
483. fired, fired, fired...Copy !req
484. And that's why...Copy !req
485. This is where they buried my brother!Copy !req
486. Yeah!Copy !req
487. Yippee!Copy !req
488. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
489. This is amazing!Copy !req
490. Like being in the circus!Copy !req
491. Yeah, but without
those tortured animalsCopy !req
492. or drunken clowns that have hepatitis.Copy !req
493. See, kids, I told you
we could have fun!Copy !req
494. The best thing is,
no one will ever know.Copy !req
495. Judas Priest. I can't
believe what I'm seeing!Copy !req
496. Mr. Quinn, I was just telling
Conrad to get off the couch.Copy !req
497. Bad, Conrad. Bad.Copy !req
498. Sally, baby, angel, princess,Copy !req
499. I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret, okay?Copy !req
500. Nobody likes a suck-up!Copy !req
501. Where's the cat?
I don't know.Copy !req
502. Good bread.Copy !req
503. What are you two looking at?Copy !req
504. Is there a cat in here?Copy !req
505. I'm gonna...
You're gonna... I have toCopy !req
506. get out of here.Copy !req
507. See, kids, I told you.Copy !req
508. Stick with me, it'll all work out.Copy !req
509. Oh, no!Copy !req
510. Cats always land on their tushy.Copy !req
511. I thought they always
landed on their feet.Copy !req
512. Sure, now you tell me.Copy !req
513. So, kiddo, what do
you want to do for fun?Copy !req
514. I wanna make cupcakes.Copy !req
515. Cupcakes? Oh, yeah!
To the kitchen!Copy !req
516. Live from the kitchen,Copy !req
517. the following is a paid commercialCopy !req
518. announcement for Astounding Products.Copy !req
519. Hi! Welcome to
Astounding Products.Copy !req
520. I'm your host, the guy in the sweaterCopy !req
521. who asks all the obvious questions.Copy !req
522. Now, here to tell us about hisCopy !req
523. astounding product
for making cupcakes,Copy !req
524. all the way from Cheshire,
England, please welcome...Copy !req
525. Me! Hello!Copy !req
526. Now... Hello!
I'm so excited!Copy !req
527. Do you love making cupcakes, but
hate all the hard cupcake work?Copy !req
528. I know I do.Copy !req
529. Well, forget everything you
know about making cupcakes,Copy !req
530. and say helloCopy !req
531. to the amazing Kupkake-inator.Copy !req
532. I'm so excited!Copy !req
533. Cupcake-a-what?Copy !req
534. - Kupkake-inator!
- Kupkake-inator!Copy !req
535. This amazing device
can instantly make cupcakesCopy !req
536. out of anything that
you have in the kitchen.Copy !req
537. Wait a minute.
Did you say "anything"?Copy !req
538. Anything.Copy !req
539. Anything?Copy !req
540. Yes, anything.Copy !req
541. Anything?Copy !req
542. Anything.Copy !req
543. Anything?Copy !req
544. I'll get you, and it'll look
like a bloody accident.Copy !req
545. Anything.
Now, take off the lid.Copy !req
546. You can put in, I don't
know, a carton of eggs.Copy !req
547. What?
How about a pack of hot dogs?Copy !req
548. That's incredible!Copy !req
549. Why not some ketchup?Copy !req
550. Yeah, why not?Copy !req
551. How about...
I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
552. Even a fire extinguisher.
There we go.Copy !req
553. Now, close the lid
and Bob's your flipping uncle.Copy !req
554. What an astounding product!Copy !req
555. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
556. Open the drawer,Copy !req
557. fill the patented
Kupkake-inator tray,Copy !req
558. close the drawer,Copy !req
559. then place it in a conventional oven.Copy !req
560. Delicious cupcakes
are just minutes away.Copy !req
561. Did you just say "minutes away"?Copy !req
562. - That's impossible!
- That's impossible!Copy !req
563. You're not just wrong, you're stupid.Copy !req
564. Now, wait just a minute.Copy !req
565. And you're ugly, just like your mum.Copy !req
566. Did you just call my mother ugly?Copy !req
567. Shut up. I mean it. I will end you.Copy !req
568. Cat. Your tail.Copy !req
569. What about it?Copy !req
570. I see.
I've chopped it off.Copy !req
571. That's interesting, because...Copy !req
572. Son of a bi...Copy !req
573. Look, I'm not saying
we're going to sue.Copy !req
574. I'm just saying we have a case.Copy !req
575. We'll talk later.
Ixnay, ixnay.Copy !req
576. Hi.Copy !req
577. Cat, is the oven supposed
to be making that sound?Copy !req
578. Of course. That means they're
almost done, Conrack.Copy !req
579. Conrad.
That's what I said, Condor.Copy !req
580. Cat!
Now, that's my name!Copy !req
581. Yep. They're done!Copy !req
582. Oh, man!Copy !req
583. There's nothing to worry about.Copy !req
584. I'm sure they still taste fine.Copy !req
585. They're horrible.Copy !req
586. Who wants some?
Come on, come on.Copy !req
587. Oh, my cod.Copy !req
588. Cat, you need to clean
this mess up, pronto.Copy !req
589. We have a contract.Copy !req
590. All right, I'll try.Copy !req
591. You don't try. You do.Copy !req
592. Yes, ma'am.
Right away, ma'am.Copy !req
593. I'll be right back.Copy !req
594. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
595. Okay.Copy !req
596. Look. I'm a girl.Copy !req
597. Stop! That's...Copy !req
598. Mom's dress!
Mom's dress!Copy !req
599. This filthy thing?Copy !req
600. She was gonna wear that
tonight, and you ruined it.Copy !req
601. Honey, it was ruined
when she bought it.Copy !req
602. Yeah.Copy !req
603. I told you all this would happen.Copy !req
604. But no one listens to a fish!Copy !req
605. A dog goes "woof-woof"Copy !req
606. and everybody knows that little
Timmy's trapped under a log.Copy !req
607. But a fish speaks in plain English...Copy !req
608. All right, everyone, let's just
take a deep breath and calm down.Copy !req
609. You know who's gonna solve it?
Me. I am.Copy !req
610. I will personally
take care of everything.Copy !req
611. And I know just the guys to do it.Copy !req
612. In this box are two Things.Copy !req
613. I will show them to you.Copy !req
614. Two Things, and I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.Copy !req
615. These Things will not bite you.Copy !req
616. They want to have fun.Copy !req
617. So without further ado,
meet Thing Two and Thing One!Copy !req
618. Ta-da!Copy !req
619. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
620. Thing One, Conrad, Sally.
Conrad, Sally, Thing One.Copy !req
621. Thing Two, Conrad, Sally.
Conrad, Sally, Thing Two.Copy !req
622. Thing One, Thing Two. Thing Two, Thing One.
Conrad, Sally. Sally, Conrad.Copy !req
623. I am the Cat.Copy !req
624. Don't belittle me.Copy !req
625. Yes, of course.Copy !req
626. Thing Two would like to clarify thatCopy !req
627. just because he wears the number twoCopy !req
628. does not imply in any way that
he's inferior to Thing One.Copy !req
629. And all of the above.Copy !req
630. He says you may feel free to
call him Thing "A," if you like.Copy !req
631. He will also accept Super Thing,
Thing King, Kid Dynamite,Copy !req
632. Chocolate Thun-DaCopy !req
633. or Ben.Copy !req
634. Thing One says he's
Thing One for a reason,Copy !req
635. and some people
should just get used to it.Copy !req
636. It's a Thing thing.
You wouldn't understand.Copy !req
637. Okay, enough.Copy !req
638. You are quickly turning into one
of my least favorite Things.Copy !req
639. Listen, Convex, you probably
don't wanna do that.Copy !req
640. Why not?
It's just a crate.Copy !req
641. This isn't just any old crate.Copy !req
642. It's the Trans-dimensional
Transportolator.Copy !req
643. It's kind of like a doorway which
leads from this world to my world.Copy !req
644. But it says,
"Made in the Philippines."Copy !req
645. Yes, but not this Philippines.Copy !req
646. Look, now,
I'm not usually a rules guy,Copy !req
647. but this is a biggie.Copy !req
648. No opening the crate.Copy !req
649. No lookee, no touchee.
Got it?Copy !req
650. Mekka-dekka we should
settle our differences.Copy !req
651. Things, front and center!Copy !req
652. Cool.Copy !req
653. All right, Things, I'm not paying youCopy !req
654. to stand around and look pretty.Copy !req
655. Here's Mom's dress.Copy !req
656. Mommy's dress!Copy !req
657. What about the couch?Copy !req
658. Which couch?Copy !req
659. The clean one, or the
horribly stained one?Copy !req
660. Ho!Copy !req
661. Mekka-dekka. Don't worry!Copy !req
662. Incoming!Copy !req
663. Cat, they're wrecking the whole house!Copy !req
664. Conrad, help!Copy !req
665. Help yourself!Copy !req
666. Want a piece of me?Copy !req
667. All right! Come and get it!Copy !req
668. That tickles.Copy !req
669. Geronimo!Copy !req
670. Mine, mine, mine!
Mine, mine, mine!Copy !req
671. Ride 'em, cowboy!Copy !req
672. If this were my house, I'd be furious.Copy !req
673. Hey! Klondike!Copy !req
674. Do you have any idea what happened
to the lock on this crate?Copy !req
675. It's on Nevins' collar.Copy !req
676. Nevins?Copy !req
677. Nevins? Nevins!Copy !req
678. Put the dog down!
I said, put the dog down!Copy !req
679. Why won't they listen to me?Copy !req
680. I don't know if this helps,Copy !req
681. but the Things always do
the opposite of what you say.Copy !req
682. Why do they always do the opposite?Copy !req
683. That's so annoying!Copy !req
684. Remind you of anyone, Conrad?Copy !req
685. Zinga!Copy !req
686. Zinga! Zinga!Copy !req
687. Blue! 41! Set!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!Copy !req
688. Hey, Thing, don't let go of that dog!Copy !req
689. Let go!Copy !req
690. Catch him.
I mean, don't catch him!Copy !req
691. Well, this is just great, Conrad.Copy !req
692. The whole house is destroyed,
the party is ruined,Copy !req
693. and now Nevins is gone.Copy !req
694. Sally, Kojak,Copy !req
695. that's nothing compared
to what's gonna happenCopy !req
696. if we don't lock this crate.Copy !req
697. Take a look.
It's already leaking.Copy !req
698. It won't stay shut.Copy !req
699. Not without the lock.Copy !req
700. Look, if we don't get
that lock off of NevinsCopy !req
701. and put it back on this crate,Copy !req
702. we're gonna be staring downCopy !req
703. the business end
of the mother of all messes.Copy !req
704. We've gotta go out and find Nevins.Copy !req
705. Impossible! Sally!Copy !req
706. There's only four
hours till the party.Copy !req
707. The fish is right. We should call
Mom and tell her what happened.Copy !req
708. Look at this house!
There's no way we could explain this to Mom.Copy !req
709. We gotta get Nevins
back and lock the crate!Copy !req
710. We're staying and calling Mom.Copy !req
711. We're going and getting the dog.Copy !req
712. There is a third option.Copy !req
713. There is?Copy !req
714. Yes. It involves...Copy !req
715. murder.Copy !req
716. That's your option?Copy !req
717. No.Copy !req
718. But you guys both had options.Copy !req
719. I just wanted to have one, too.Copy !req
720. Or did I?Copy !req
721. Cat, you're not helping!Copy !req
722. Come on.
Let's go get that dog.Copy !req
723. Now, we just need a heavy, inanimate
object to weigh down this crate.Copy !req
724. There. That ought
to buy us some time.Copy !req
725. Come on, kids!
Let's go, go, go!Copy !req
726. Identical sister Mitzy...Copy !req
727. That's right.Copy !req
728. Yeah?Copy !req
729. What do you want now?Copy !req
730. Repo.Copy !req
731. You're repossessing my TV?Copy !req
732. I'm sure I made a payment.Copy !req
733. If it's about that bounced check,Copy !req
734. let me give you a credit card.Copy !req
735. That one's expired.
Come on.Copy !req
736. With the lock on his
collar, Nevins kept running,Copy !req
737. unaware of his part
in the evil Quinn's cunning.Copy !req
738. Joan Walden Real Estate.
Be it ever so humble, there's no...Copy !req
739. Hi, Joan.Copy !req
740. The kids let the dog out again.Copy !req
741. You're kidding.Copy !req
742. Don't worry.
I'll go get him,Copy !req
743. then we'll have a conversation
vis-á-vis military school.Copy !req
744. I don't know.
Conrad's like you, Lawrence.Copy !req
745. He's very sensitive.Copy !req
746. But I suppose it's something
I should consider.Copy !req
747. I'll get the dog.
I'll be right over.Copy !req
748. Okay, there's Nevins.
Stay out of sight.Copy !req
749. I thought the moment needed something.Copy !req
750. What will become of us?Copy !req
751. Your mother will lose her job,Copy !req
752. and we'll have to live on the street.Copy !req
753. I can't!
Don't make me go...Copy !req
754. I don't know this world!Copy !req
755. It's dry! It's like...
I can't... It's too...Copy !req
756. Fish!Copy !req
757. It's too much!Copy !req
758. Would you like to go
back in the toilet?Copy !req
759. On second thought,
it's such a beautiful day.Copy !req
760. Why spend it indoors?Copy !req
761. Thank you.Copy !req
762. Okay, kids.
Get out of my way.Copy !req
763. This fence is no match for my
cat-like grace and reflexes.Copy !req
764. Here we go.Copy !req
765. Okay. Watch me fly, kids.Copy !req
766. I don't think
the little girl's even trying.Copy !req
767. What about your
cat-like reflexes?Copy !req
768. What about showing a little
effort, shrimp boat? Now, push!Copy !req
769. All right, Nevins.Copy !req
770. Time to die.Copy !req
771. Cat, you scared him away.Copy !req
772. Dirty hoe.Copy !req
773. I'm sorry, baby.
I love you.Copy !req
774. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
775. There he is!Copy !req
776. Happy birthday, Denise.Copy !req
777. Denise?
Everyone I know is there.Copy !req
778. There's Ginny and Alan.Copy !req
779. How come Denise didn't
invite me to her birthday?Copy !req
780. Don't worry.
Let's just get Nevins and go.Copy !req
781. Okay, kids.
Everyone outside!Copy !req
782. Cat, get down!
They're gonna see you!Copy !req
783. Hide!Copy !req
784. Pinata! Pinata! Pinata!Copy !req
785. Pinata! Pinata!Copy !req
786. Everybody, join in.Copy !req
787. It's breaking!Copy !req
788. Step out of my way.Copy !req
789. This cannot end well.Copy !req
790. Pinata! Pinata!Copy !req
791. I'm easyCopy !req
792. I'm easy like Sunday morningCopy !req
793. I got an idea. Candy!Copy !req
794. Candy!Copy !req
795. No!
No!Copy !req
796. - Get back!
- Cat!Copy !req
797. I'll get you!Copy !req
798. I'd love to buy some.Copy !req
799. Hello, Mrs. Kwan.
It's Joan Walden.Copy !req
800. I just called to check on the kids.
Are they okay?Copy !req
801. Those aren't children.Copy !req
802. They're little angels.Copy !req
803. That's sweet.Copy !req
804. Well, all right, Mrs. Kwan.
I'll be home as soon as I can.Copy !req
805. Bye-bye.Copy !req
806. Bye.Copy !req
807. All right, soldier.
Our bogey is in range.Copy !req
808. Commence search and destroy.Copy !req
809. What?Copy !req
810. Search and rescue.Copy !req
811. I meant search and rescue.
Come on.Copy !req
812. I can't believe I wasn't
invited to that party.Copy !req
813. Hey! You're a lone wolf.Copy !req
814. Live alone, die alone.
Yeah.Copy !req
815. Can we please get the dog?Copy !req
816. Can we please get the dog?
Boo!Copy !req
817. Oh, no! Oh, man!Copy !req
818. Hello, Nevins.
Good-bye, Conrad.Copy !req
819. Not so tough now, are you?Copy !req
820. We're dead. We're never
gonna get that crate shut.Copy !req
821. And I'm getting shipped off toCopy !req
822. Colonel Von Kronk's
School for Wayward Boys!Copy !req
823. Why don't we take my car?Copy !req
824. You have a car?Copy !req
825. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
826. That is so cool.Copy !req
827. That's just the dust cover.Copy !req
828. Here she is, the Super LuxuriousCopy !req
829. Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger.Copy !req
830. Or S.L.O.W. for short.Copy !req
831. S.L.O.W.?Copy !req
832. Yeah, S.L.O.W.
It's better than the last name we had.Copy !req
833. Super Hydraulic
Instantaneous Transporter.Copy !req
834. You mean...Copy !req
835. No! Quick, to the SLOW:Copy !req
836. Buckle up, kids.Copy !req
837. We're on a mission to get that dog,Copy !req
838. and we will not rest
until we find and destroy it.Copy !req
839. Rescue it! Rescue it!
Of course, I meant rescue it.Copy !req
840. Whatever. Remember, kids, there's
nothing faster than SLOW:Copy !req
841. That's backwards.
It makes no sense. Look at you.Copy !req
842. Okay, here we go.
G. P.S., check.Copy !req
843. DVD, CD, check.Copy !req
844. Someone from
Czechoslovakia is a Czech.Copy !req
845. Siren.Copy !req
846. What are you...
What... Siren?Copy !req
847. Let's go!Copy !req
848. Hi, there!
How are you?Copy !req
849. I'm sending Conrad awayCopy !req
850. I can't believe
you whizzed on my taco!Copy !req
851. Wait till Joan gets a load of you!Copy !req
852. There they are!Copy !req
853. Red light, red light, red light!Copy !req
854. Red light!Copy !req
855. Someone else should drive.Copy !req
856. All right. You win.Copy !req
857. Concrete, you drive.Copy !req
858. Are you serious?Copy !req
859. I don't know.Copy !req
860. A little voice inside of me is
saying, "This is a bad idea,"Copy !req
861. but I can barely
hear that little voiceCopy !req
862. because an even louder little voiceCopy !req
863. is screaming,
"Let the 12-year-old drive!"Copy !req
864. Now, punch it!Copy !req
865. This is awesome!Copy !req
866. I want to drive.Copy !req
867. I think that's a great idea.Copy !req
868. Wait! Two people can't
drive at the same time.Copy !req
869. You're right.
We should all drive.Copy !req
870. Cat! Where are the brakes?Copy !req
871. I'll get them.Copy !req
872. I think there's something
wrong with your brakes.Copy !req
873. When's the last time
you had them checked?Copy !req
874. Bad brake!Copy !req
875. One-way street, one-way
street, one-way street,Copy !req
876. one-way street!Copy !req
877. Hey, Rhode Island license plate.Copy !req
878. You never see those.Copy !req
879. Air bag. Standard.Copy !req
880. I think I wet my jar.Copy !req
881. Can we do that again?Copy !req
882. Hey, there he is!Copy !req
883. Oh, no! He's going into Mom's office!Copy !req
884. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
885. Go, Conrad!Copy !req
886. You know, Nevins,Copy !req
887. when Joan finds out you've escaped
again, Conrad will be moving out,Copy !req
888. and I'll be moving in.Copy !req
889. We've gotta get
Nevins and that lock back.Copy !req
890. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
891. Don't worry.
I have three plans.Copy !req
892. Plan "A"...Copy !req
893. Done that. Plan "B"...Copy !req
894. That could work.Copy !req
895. What about that one?Copy !req
896. Plan "C"...Copy !req
897. I don't know.
I still like Plan "B."Copy !req
898. Cat!Copy !req
899. Okay, okay. Plan "C."
Look at you.Copy !req
900. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
901. I'd like you to
sign my petition. Yeah.Copy !req
902. Get out of my way, you hippie freak.Copy !req
903. Are you aware of the senseless,
wholesale slaughterCopy !req
904. of the flatulating,
acid-spitting Zumzizeroo?Copy !req
905. What will it take to
get you out of my face?Copy !req
906. Just sign my petitionCopy !req
907. with this large, over-sized
pen that requires two hands.Copy !req
908. I see.Copy !req
909. Will you hold my dog?Copy !req
910. Yes!Copy !req
911. Okay, I have a problem
with the word "dog."Copy !req
912. I don't use the "D" word per seCopy !req
913. 'cause I think
it's really, really wrong.Copy !req
914. Yeah. But I will happily
hold your Canine-American.Copy !req
915. I'm more comfortable
with that really, yeah.Copy !req
916. How much is that
Canine-American in the windowCopy !req
917. Cat! Come on!
Cat! Come on!Copy !req
918. Hey, what the...
Go, go, go!Copy !req
919. Come back here!
I'm on to you kids!Copy !req
920. Nothing to see here.
Keep moving! Go!Copy !req
921. Come on! Let's go.
Ah, get in, get in!Copy !req
922. Come on, let's go.
Get in! Hi, hi.Copy !req
923. Get in! Get in!Copy !req
924. Look out below!Copy !req
925. Sorry. Over there.Copy !req
926. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey!Copy !req
927. I got you!Copy !req
928. Here he comes! Cat!Copy !req
929. Cat!Copy !req
930. Where's my hat?
Go! Go, go!Copy !req
931. Go! Let's go!
My tail, my tail.Copy !req
932. Come on, Cat!Copy !req
933. I'm walking here!Copy !req
934. Joan. Joan!Copy !req
935. I think we lost him.Copy !req
936. Not the pocket.
Not the pocket.Copy !req
937. We got the lock back.
Now let's get home.Copy !req
938. Relax, kid.
I'm all over it.Copy !req
939. Hey.
What's wrong?Copy !req
940. This.Copy !req
941. This is not my hat. I must have
picked up the wrong hat back there.Copy !req
942. So?
So...Copy !req
943. Without my hat, I'm just your
garden-variety, six-foot-tall, talking cat.Copy !req
944. Joan, your children are running
around town like complete maniacs.Copy !req
945. Yes, they are.
With some weird, hairy man in a big hat.Copy !req
946. You're gonna believe
everything I'm telling youCopy !req
947. once we get to your house,
okay? Come on.Copy !req
948. We're doomed!Copy !req
949. We're dead.
This is all my fault.Copy !req
950. I'm such an idiot.Copy !req
951. Why do I always have to do the
opposite of what I'm supposed to?Copy !req
952. Wait a second.
That's it! The opposite!Copy !req
953. Hey, Things!
Don't help us!Copy !req
954. Do not show up and help
us get home right now!Copy !req
955. We're goin' on a road trip!Copy !req
956. Larry's car?Copy !req
957. How'd you get so smart?Copy !req
958. So the race was on
to get back home first.Copy !req
959. Hang on! We gotta
beat Mom and Quinn home!Copy !req
960. But back at their home, things
were just getting worse.Copy !req
961. There's Mom and Larry!Copy !req
962. Step on it, Joan.
Go, go, go.Copy !req
963. Things, do not do anything
to slow down my mom.Copy !req
964. - Slow down Mom!
- Slow down Mom!Copy !req
965. Look, Joan,
they don't beat them every day.Copy !req
966. Great.Copy !req
967. I'm sorry, Officer.
Was I speeding?Copy !req
968. Mekka-dekka license,
appa registration.Copy !req
969. Mekka-dekka,
you're one hot mama.Copy !req
970. Hey, that's my car. Joan,
we better go right away.Copy !req
971. Please let me handle this.Copy !req
972. Sorry, I guess I was
in a hurry to get home.Copy !req
973. I'm not gonna let
them get away with this.Copy !req
974. Meet me at the house!Copy !req
975. Not so fast, you little maggots!Copy !req
976. You are so busted.
Now get inside.Copy !req
977. You don't want to go in there.
It's going to be a total...Copy !req
978. What?Copy !req
979. Sally, what happened?Copy !req
980. What about the mother of all messes?Copy !req
981. I don't know.Copy !req
982. Why am I sneezing?Copy !req
983. That'd be me. Boo!Copy !req
984. You're a giant...Copy !req
985. Cat!Copy !req
986. Judas Priest!Copy !req
987. Mamma mia.Copy !req
988. What happened to our house?Copy !req
989. It's the mother of all messes.Copy !req
990. Yup!Copy !req
991. Pure, unadulterated fun without
any good sense or judgment.Copy !req
992. See, Corn Dog,
this is why I warned youCopy !req
993. not to open the crate.Copy !req
994. Although, on the plus side,Copy !req
995. I think people will be talking aboutCopy !req
996. tonight's party for
the rest of their lives.Copy !req
997. We gotta shut the crate!
Come on!Copy !req
998. Okay.Copy !req
999. Let's take the front hall carpet.Copy !req
1000. This can't be the front hall.Copy !req
1001. This is what happens when you
mix your world and my world.Copy !req
1002. And when you eat bad shellfish.Copy !req
1003. Let's go. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1004. Cat, how do we find the crate?Copy !req
1005. Beats me.Copy !req
1006. This hat is worthless,
and it makes me look fat.Copy !req
1007. Where's Mrs. Kwan?Copy !req
1008. Here she comes, right on schedule.Copy !req
1009. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1010. We're going to
ride Mrs. Kwan?Copy !req
1011. Sure! It's the only
way to the crate. Hop on.Copy !req
1012. This is gonna be good.Copy !req
1013. Please keep your hands and
feet in the Kwan at all times.Copy !req
1014. Enjoy the ride!Copy !req
1015. Ladies and gentlemen, the dining room.Copy !req
1016. This is the dining room?Copy !req
1017. Hey, look. Chandelier.Copy !req
1018. Is that the bathroom?Copy !req
1019. You might want to hold it for a while.Copy !req
1020. Something like that really burns my...Copy !req
1021. This is amazing!
It's like a ride at an amusement park!Copy !req
1022. You mean, like at Universal Studios.Copy !req
1023. Cha-ching.Copy !req
1024. Please exit the Kwan to your left.Copy !req
1025. Have a nice day!Copy !req
1026. This is ridiculous.
I have to get home.Copy !req
1027. Police brutality.
Illegal choke hold.Copy !req
1028. Where are we?Copy !req
1029. The living room, I think.Copy !req
1030. Ah, man.
My eyes are closed.Copy !req
1031. If there's no line, could we
go back and do that again?Copy !req
1032. There's the crate!Copy !req
1033. If we shut the crate, the
house will go back to normal.Copy !req
1034. You have the lock?Copy !req
1035. Got it. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
1036. Sally!Copy !req
1037. Come on!Copy !req
1038. It won't shut!Copy !req
1039. Sally! Everything is
disappearing up there!Copy !req
1040. Help!Copy !req
1041. Sally!Copy !req
1042. Sal...Copy !req
1043. Help me, Conrad!Copy !req
1044. Sally!Copy !req
1045. Help me! I can't hold on!Copy !req
1046. Hang on!Copy !req
1047. Help me, Conrad!Copy !req
1048. Help!Copy !req
1049. Sally, I can't reach the lock!Copy !req
1050. No!Copy !req
1051. I can't save you unless you let go!Copy !req
1052. Okay.Copy !req
1053. Help me!Copy !req
1054. Yes.Copy !req
1055. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1056. I did it. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1057. I did it. I did it.Copy !req
1058. Okay, "we" did it.Copy !req
1059. I don't think we did anything.Copy !req
1060. The place is still a wreck.Copy !req
1061. You said if we shut the crate,
everything would be okay!Copy !req
1062. But it's not.
It's a complete disaster.Copy !req
1063. Well, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
1064. Tennis, anyone?Copy !req
1065. Love that new ball smell.
Yeah.Copy !req
1066. Hey, your hat, it's magic again?Copy !req
1067. Well, now that
the cat's out of the bag,Copy !req
1068. to use an archaic
and cruel-sounding metaphor,Copy !req
1069. why don't you serve first?Copy !req
1070. You had your real hat this whole time?Copy !req
1071. Yup. I planned
the whole day.Copy !req
1072. What do you mean,
you planned the whole day?Copy !req
1073. All of it?
Yup.Copy !req
1074. The house getting trashed?
Yup.Copy !req
1075. Quinn taking Nevins?
Yup.Copy !req
1076. Cutting off your tail?
Nope. No.Copy !req
1077. You even knew I'd open the crate?Copy !req
1078. Why do you think
I made it my one rule?Copy !req
1079. I knew you couldn't resist.Copy !req
1080. Now, who's up for a game
of Canadian doubles?Copy !req
1081. Cat, you said
nothing bad would happen.Copy !req
1082. Cat, you need to get out.Copy !req
1083. I don't know that game.Copy !req
1084. It's not a game.
None of this is a game!Copy !req
1085. But I thought you two
wanted to have fun today.Copy !req
1086. Look around, Cat.Copy !req
1087. You were right. It's fun to have
fun, but you have to know how.Copy !req
1088. You don't know when enough is enough.Copy !req
1089. Now, go!Copy !req
1090. Suzy.Copy !req
1091. Cromwell.Copy !req
1092. Please.Copy !req
1093. Out!
Out!Copy !req
1094. Good riddance.Copy !req
1095. Now, this may not be the time
for "I told you so," but...Copy !req
1096. Like I said, not the time.Copy !req
1097. I'll get the mop and bucket.Copy !req
1098. Conrad, you might
want to get out of hereCopy !req
1099. until Mom has a chance to calm down.Copy !req
1100. No. This was my fault.
I'll take the blame.Copy !req
1101. Look, Mom will be home any second.Copy !req
1102. Why don't you go upstairs?Copy !req
1103. I'm not going upstairs.
I'm staying with you.Copy !req
1104. Really? Why?Copy !req
1105. Two reasons.Copy !req
1106. One, the stairs are destroyed.Copy !req
1107. Two, this is just as
much my fault as yours.Copy !req
1108. We should share the blame.Copy !req
1109. Thanks, Sally.Copy !req
1110. By the way,
you're a pretty good brother.Copy !req
1111. Glad you think that.Copy !req
1112. Maybe we can room together
at military school.Copy !req
1113. Well, here goes.Copy !req
1114. Bet you thought I'd gone
Bet you felt a stingCopy !req
1115. Bet you never thought
I'd have another song to singCopy !req
1116. But now that you've learned your
lesson Allow me to blow your mindCopy !req
1117. By reading to you the small printCopy !req
1118. of the contract that you signedCopy !req
1119. Okay, section eight,
article 93, subparagraph 834.Copy !req
1120. Right by the chili stain.Copy !req
1121. It reads, "If Conrad, a.k.a.
Concrete, should open the crate,"Copy !req
1122. and we know he will, "the
contract shall be null and void.Copy !req
1123. "However,Copy !req
1124. "if Sally and Conrad should
learn from their mistakes,Copy !req
1125. "the contract
shall be reinstated."Copy !req
1126. And I think you two have satisfied
the legal burden of learning.Copy !req
1127. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
1128. So there's just one last game to play.Copy !req
1129. It's called
"Clean Up the House."Copy !req
1130. Kids, meet the Dynamic Industrial
Renovating Tractormajigger.Copy !req
1131. D-I-R-T?
D-I-R-T?Copy !req
1132. That's right!Copy !req
1133. It's getting better all the timeCopy !req
1134. I used to get mad at my schoolCopy !req
1135. The teachers who
taught me weren't coolCopy !req
1136. You're holding me downCopy !req
1137. Turning me 'roundCopy !req
1138. Filling me up with your rulesCopy !req
1139. I've got to admit it's
getting better BetterCopy !req
1140. A little better all the timeCopy !req
1141. It can't get no worseCopy !req
1142. I have to admit it's
getting better BetterCopy !req
1143. A little better since you've been mineCopy !req
1144. Me used to be an angry young manCopy !req
1145. Me hiding my head in the sandCopy !req
1146. You gave me the word I finally heardCopy !req
1147. I'm doing the best that I can, yeahCopy !req
1148. I've got to admit it's getting betterCopy !req
1149. Better A little better all the timeCopy !req
1150. Can't get no worseCopy !req
1151. I have to admit it's getting betterCopy !req
1152. Better It's getting betterCopy !req
1153. Since you've been mineCopy !req
1154. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1155. Getting so much betterCopy !req
1156. These drapes are so out, they're in!Copy !req
1157. All the timeCopy !req
1158. It's getting better all the timeCopy !req
1159. Better, better, betterCopy !req
1160. Spin! Spin!Copy !req
1161. It's getting better all the timeCopy !req
1162. Better, better, betterCopy !req
1163. I have to admit it's getting betterCopy !req
1164. A little better all the timeCopy !req
1165. It can't get no worse Yes, I
admit it's getting betterCopy !req
1166. It's getting betterCopy !req
1167. Bye.Copy !req
1168. Since you've been mineCopy !req
1169. Getting so much better all the timeCopy !req
1170. Okay, we had some good times.Copy !req
1171. We cleaned up the house.Copy !req
1172. We even managed to work in an
up-tempo pop tune for the soundtrack.Copy !req
1173. That's important.Copy !req
1174. I guess there's just
one last thing to check.Copy !req
1175. Looks like everything's in balance,Copy !req
1176. but you're still smoking
way too many cigars.Copy !req
1177. And you, lay off the sauce.Copy !req
1178. Cat, this day has been amazing.Copy !req
1179. Thank you, Cat.Copy !req
1180. For everything.Copy !req
1181. Conrad?Copy !req
1182. Sally?Copy !req
1183. Adieu.Copy !req
1184. - Cat!
- Cat!Copy !req
1185. Wait, Cat.Copy !req
1186. Don't go.Copy !req
1187. All right, kids.Copy !req
1188. This place better not be a mess.Copy !req
1189. I'm home.Copy !req
1190. Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mom.Copy !req
1191. Miss Walden, home so soon?Copy !req
1192. The children were angels.Copy !req
1193. Thanks, Mrs. Kwan.Copy !req
1194. Hello, Joan.Copy !req
1195. Lawrence, what happened to you?Copy !req
1196. They happened to me.Copy !req
1197. Your demonic children.Copy !req
1198. They destroyed your house!Copy !req
1199. The house was alive.Copy !req
1200. The wall was made of paper.Copy !req
1201. I fell off the cliff.
And the giant cat...Copy !req
1202. The giant cat!Copy !req
1203. Tell her.Copy !req
1204. Larry, Larry.Copy !req
1205. You look terrible,Copy !req
1206. and my mom thinks you're insane.Copy !req
1207. This is what we in sales
call "a win-win scenario."Copy !req
1208. Joan, you are passing up the
opportunity of a lifetime.Copy !req
1209. You know what kind of kid your boy is.Copy !req
1210. I mean, who are you going to believe?Copy !req
1211. You're right. I do know
what kind of kid Conrad is.Copy !req
1212. He can be irresponsible.
Yes.Copy !req
1213. He makes bad choices.Copy !req
1214. Yes.Copy !req
1215. Sometimes he makes me
want to tear my hair out.Copy !req
1216. Yes. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1217. But he's a good kid,
and I believe in him.Copy !req
1218. Now, I'd like you to leave.Copy !req
1219. Wha... Joan. Joan.Copy !req
1220. Joan. Joan.Copy !req
1221. Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
1222. Will you marry me, Joan?Copy !req
1223. Oh, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan.Copy !req
1224. Yes!
Yeah!Copy !req
1225. Yeah!Copy !req
1226. That's nice.Copy !req
1227. Mr. Humberfloob?Copy !req
1228. Almost got me again.
Enjoy the party.Copy !req
1229. Mr. Humberfloob.Copy !req
1230. Joan, the party's a hit
and the house is immaculate.Copy !req
1231. Congratulations.Copy !req
1232. Miss Walden. Miss Walden.Copy !req
1233. Chicka-ow,
chicka-ow, chica-yee-haw!Copy !req
1234. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
1235. Honey, your cupcakes are a huge hit.Copy !req
1236. What did you put in them?Copy !req
1237. Mom, you can make
cupcakes out of anything.Copy !req
1238. Are you telling me you can
make cupcakes out of anything?Copy !req
1239. Anything.Copy !req
1240. Anything?Copy !req
1241. So what did you kids do today, huh?Copy !req
1242. Well, what would you
do if your mother asked you?Copy !req
1243. The family was whole,
all thanks to the Cat,Copy !req
1244. who was dashing and charming,
no doubt about that.Copy !req
1245. He was witty and culturedCopy !req
1246. and, well, very endearing
and tremendously attractive,Copy !req
1247. but in a sort of real way.Copy !req
1248. You know, kind of an approachable wayCopy !req
1249. that I think
you don't see these days...Copy !req
1250. Hello! I was just...Copy !req
1251. I really should be going.Copy !req
1252. How'd they get so smart?Copy !req
1253. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1254. Come on, Things!
Let's go!Copy !req
1255. What's on my schedule for tomorrow?Copy !req
1256. What do you say we go on vacation?Copy !req
1257. How about Hawaii?
I like Hawaii.Copy !req
1258. I should warn you,
there are certain placesCopy !req
1259. that don't allow certain Things.Copy !req
1260. Things are complicated.Copy !req
1261. Things are getting weird
Things are getting toughCopy !req
1262. Nothing's making sense
but you keep on looking upCopy !req
1263. They tell you to be true
You're trying every dayCopy !req
1264. To keep it on the real
Still you gotta find a wayCopy !req
1265. To make your mama happy
To make your papa proudCopy !req
1266. You wanna turn it up but all
you hear is "tone it down"Copy !req
1267. So gather 'round, I'm here to sayCopy !req
1268. You'll never make everybody's dayCopy !req
1269. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1270. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1271. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1272. Everybody just get on, get on, get onCopy !req
1273. Get started and go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1274. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1275. Sometimes I wanna cry
or throw the towel inCopy !req
1276. They try to bring me down
but I'll take it on the chinCopy !req
1277. And everywhere I go
the people are the sameCopy !req
1278. They just want to know
that everything will be okayCopy !req
1279. When things are getting rough
you turn it back aroundCopy !req
1280. You gotta turn it up when
they tell you "tone it down"Copy !req
1281. So gather 'round, I'm here to sayCopy !req
1282. You'll never make everybody's dayCopy !req
1283. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1284. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1285. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1286. Everybody just get on, get on, get onCopy !req
1287. Get started and go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1288. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1289. Just hang onCopy !req
1290. So gather 'round, I'm here to sayCopy !req
1291. You'll never make everybody's dayCopy !req
1292. But while you're around
you might as wellCopy !req
1293. Catch the tiger by its tailCopy !req
1294. And hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1295. Everybody just get on, get on, get onCopy !req
1296. Get started and go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1297. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1298. Hang on, hang on, hang onCopy !req
1299. Everybody just get on, get on, get onCopy !req
1300. Get started and go on, go on, go onCopy !req
1301. Everybody just hold onCopy !req
1302. Just hang onCopy !req