1. You looked at Ray and said,
"I want him to be my boyfriend...Copy !req
2. ...but he's got to change."
What are you talking about?Copy !req
3. One of the things
that initiated a misunderstanding...Copy !req
4. ...was that one day,
I didn't want to have sex with him.Copy !req
5. So he starts talking about
calling somebody else to do it.Copy !req
6. Oh, no.Copy !req
7. Stop at 4000 and a spin.Copy !req
8. That's not why it happened.Copy !req
9. You'd been drinking, and you thought
you were making love to me.Copy !req
10. Yes.Copy !req
11. - This differs from a normal massage?
- It's more sexual.Copy !req
12. I ought to know when I see
a good ball.Copy !req
13. - Jamie, I...
- No!Copy !req
14. This television funny-man
killed his brother in cold blood.Copy !req
15. My guests have crushes
on food service workers.Copy !req
16. Mr. Davis, do you take
cream and sugar in your eye?Copy !req
17. - Get out.
- What?Copy !req
18. Do you want to tell them
something?Copy !req
19. I'm really a man.Copy !req
20. Jesus. Where's the cable guy
already?Copy !req
21. Rick Legatos, please.Copy !req
22. Hey, Phil.Copy !req
23. - Hey, Rick, phone.
- Hello? Hey, how's the move going?Copy !req
24. The cable guy is missing in action.
I hope he gets here before I die.Copy !req
25. - You haven't called Robin?
- No. I'm giving her her space.Copy !req
26. - I can't believe she's doing this.
- You shouldn't have proposed.Copy !req
27. All she had to do was say no.
She didn't have to kick me out.Copy !req
28. - Let's go!
- Just give me a minute!Copy !req
29. Listen, a piece of advice:Copy !req
30. Slip the cable guy 50 bucks, he'll give
you all the movie channels for free.Copy !req
31. I'm not good at that stuff.
What if he says no?Copy !req
32. None of them say no.Copy !req
33. - I've got to go. Talk to you later.
- All right.Copy !req
34. Hi, this is Robin Harris.
Steven doesn't live here anymore...Copy !req
35. - Cable guy.
- Oh, great.Copy !req
36. - Cable guy!
- Don't leave!Copy !req
37. - Wait!
- Cable guy!Copy !req
38. - I'm coming!
- Cable guy!Copy !req
39. I'm coming. Don't leave.Copy !req
40. Cable guy!Copy !req
41. Hey, wait! Come back.Copy !req
42. - Look who decided to show.
- You should have come hours ago.Copy !req
43. Should I? So I'm the tardy one?Copy !req
44. Yeah. I was going to the
bed-and-bath place. Now it's closed.Copy !req
45. Maybe I shouldn't have come at all.
Jerk off!Copy !req
46. I'm just joking with you.Copy !req
47. Let's do this.Copy !req
48. The old McNair place.Copy !req
49. Never thought they'd get
the floors clean after what happened.Copy !req
50. What happened?Copy !req
51. They had a lot of cats.Copy !req
52. The comment card.
Please mail it in when I'm done.Copy !req
53. Does it go to your boss?Copy !req
54. No, it goes to me.
I'm kind of a perfectioniss...Copy !req
55. Perfectionis... t.Copy !req
56. Let's take a look.Copy !req
57. This could be a cool pad.Copy !req
58. Come on, baby.Copy !req
59. Come on, baby. Talk to me.Copy !req
60. Tell me where you like it.Copy !req
61. Hello, mama.Copy !req
62. Is this what you want?
Is this where you need it?Copy !req
63. How about this?Copy !req
64. That's your sweet spot, right there.Copy !req
65. So your lady kicked you out.Copy !req
66. What?Copy !req
67. In preparing your service...Copy !req
68. ...I noticed you were previously wired
at 1268 and a half Chestnut.Copy !req
69. Last week, the billing
was transferred to one Robin Harris.Copy !req
70. - Smells like heartbreak to me.
- I don't want to discuss that.Copy !req
71. - Just install my cable, please.
- Suit yourself.Copy !req
72. No sweat off my sack.Copy !req
73. You might want to
put on a bathing suit.Copy !req
74. You'll be channel surfing
in no time.Copy !req
75. So ends day 54 of the trial
of former child star, Sam Sweet...Copy !req
76. ...who has been accused of shooting
his twin brother, Stan, in cold blood.Copy !req
77. The twins were stars of
the hit sitcom Double Trouble...Copy !req
78. ...which aired from 1977 till 1984.Copy !req
79. Who broke this?Copy !req
80. - He did it!
- He did it!Copy !req
81. Life wasn't sweet
after their program was canceled.Copy !req
82. Sam turned to petty larceny...Copy !req
83. ...while his brother fell in with the cult
called Brotherhood of Friends.Copy !req
84. I hope they fry this bastard.Copy !req
85. What happened?Copy !req
86. Your furniture and appliances were
causing problems with the reception.Copy !req
87. - I moved a few things, okay?
- Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
88. I just have some paperwork
for you to fill out.Copy !req
89. It's a drag. You just get to know
somebody and then the job is done.Copy !req
90. Sign here.Copy !req
91. I feel good about this.Copy !req
92. - Hey, wait.
- Yeah?Copy !req
93. I have this friend,
and he gave his cable guy $50.Copy !req
94. He got all the movie channels for free.
Did you ever hear of that?Copy !req
95. - You mean illegal cable?
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. - Who told you that?
- Forget it.Copy !req
97. You're offering me a bribe.Copy !req
98. That's illegal. You could be fined
up to $5000 or go to jail.Copy !req
99. No, I was just making conversation.
Forget it.Copy !req
100. I'm just jerking your chain.Copy !req
101. You are too easy.Copy !req
102. Wake up. Smell the smelling salt.Copy !req
103. I'll juice you up.Copy !req
104. - One guy doing another guy a solid.
- That is so nice.Copy !req
105. Well, you're a nice guy.
Many customers treat me like snot.Copy !req
106. Like I'm a goddamn plumber
or something.Copy !req
107. Here's my personal pager number.Copy !req
108. - The company puts you on hold.
- Thanks. You'll get good marks.Copy !req
109. Maybe I'll show you the satellite,
how this whole thing works.Copy !req
110. - Sure, we should do that one day.
- How about tomorrow?Copy !req
111. - Tomorrow's no good.
- You'll be stewing about your ex?Copy !req
112. No.Copy !req
113. - Okay. I crossed the line. Sorry.
- You didn't cross the line.Copy !req
114. Cool. Pick you up at 6:30.Copy !req
115. There are 24 classrooms.
Each can be converted into a home.Copy !req
116. There's a swimming pool,
tennis courts, a gym and a stage...Copy !req
117. ...if the residents decide
they want to perform Oklahoma!Copy !req
118. Oklahoma!Copy !req
119. It's available in foreclosure.Copy !req
120. With a cash bid,
we can steal this thing.Copy !req
121. Yo, Steve-o.Copy !req
122. Tough room, but you got them.
How you feeling?Copy !req
123. Fine.Copy !req
124. Are you having
a little domestic discord?Copy !req
125. Robin and I are having difficulties.
I think it's only temporary.Copy !req
126. If you screw this project up,
it's not going to be my ass.Copy !req
127. - Do you know what I mean?
- I'm on it.Copy !req
128. I'm more patient. I'm more loving.
They tell me this.Copy !req
129. There's something in everyone's life
they could improve.Copy !req
130. If they're doing well financially,
maybe their relationships suffer.Copy !req
131. Call now, and you'll be rushed the
"Personal Power Success System."Copy !req
132. Steve! Steven!Copy !req
133. Stevie, time to leavie!Copy !req
134. Yo, Stevie!Copy !req
135. Come on down!
Are you waiting for an invitation?Copy !req
136. It's the fun bus. Come on!Copy !req
137. - How's it going?
- Hey, buddy!Copy !req
138. I've had a few drinks, so buckle up.Copy !req
139. That's my humor.
Thanks for coming out.Copy !req
140. Most people never take the time
to understand how the cable works.Copy !req
141. - Where exactly are we going?
- To ride the information highway.Copy !req
142. I come up here to think sometimes.
Clear my head.Copy !req
143. Brace yourself.Copy !req
144. There she is.Copy !req
145. She's sending entertainment and
information to millions of citizens.Copy !req
146. - That's pretty impressive.
- I knew you'd appreciate this.Copy !req
147. The future is now!Copy !req
148. Soon every home will integrate their
television, phone and computer.Copy !req
149. You'll be able to visit the Louvre,
or watch female mud wrestling.Copy !req
150. You can shop from your home, or play
video games with someone in Vietnam.Copy !req
151. There's no end to the possibilities!Copy !req
152. When I was a kid, my mom worked
nights. I never met my father.Copy !req
153. - But the TV was always there.
- I know what you mean.Copy !req
154. My dad might as well
have been away.Copy !req
155. That's tough. You must have
a lot of abandonment issues.Copy !req
156. Reality isn't Father Knows Best
anymore.Copy !req
157. It's a kick in the face
with a steel-toe work boot...Copy !req
158. ...and a trip to the hospital
for reconstructive surgery.Copy !req
159. But what doesn't kill us
makes us stronger, right?Copy !req
160. My brother is a speech therapist.Copy !req
161. So?Copy !req
162. Never mind.Copy !req
163. - You're pretty love-struck, huh?
- I miss her.Copy !req
164. - I proposed, and she kicked me out.
- I hate that.Copy !req
165. - She said I pressed too hard.
- Women are a labyrinth, my friend.Copy !req
166. Can I be frank?Copy !req
167. I don't think you listen to her.
You tell her what she wants to hear.Copy !req
168. She wants you to thirst
for knowledge about who she is.Copy !req
169. All the complicated splendor
that is woman.Copy !req
170. When your love is truly giving,
it will come back to you tenfold.Copy !req
171. You're right.
That's incredibly insightful.Copy !req
172. It was Jerry Springer's
final thought on Friday's show.Copy !req
173. Women love Sleepless in Seattle.
It's on HBO this month.Copy !req
174. - That's your bait.
- Robin loves that movie.Copy !req
175. Tell her you're cooking yourself
dinner and watching it by yourself.Copy !req
176. - She'll come running.
- Maybe I'll give it a try.Copy !req
177. It's embarrassing,
I don't even know your name.Copy !req
178. Do you really want to know
my name?Copy !req
179. - You do?
- Sure.Copy !req
180. It's Ernie Douglas.
But my friends call me Chip.Copy !req
181. Goodbye.Copy !req
182. This concludes our broadcast day.
Click.Copy !req
183. I don't listen to you.
I pretend to understand.Copy !req
184. I'm just saying
what I think you want to hear.Copy !req
185. I'm interested in learning about the
complicated splendor that is you.Copy !req
186. I can see that taking this time
might be good for us. I'm not mad.Copy !req
187. - Sometimes time apart is healthy.
- You're right.Copy !req
188. That's what I came here to say.Copy !req
189. I have to get back to the office.Copy !req
190. - What are you doing tomorrow?
- Cook dinner and watch a movie.Copy !req
191. - Sleepless in Seattle is on TV.
- I love that movie.Copy !req
192. Why don't you come by?Copy !req
193. - Maybe I will.
- Whatever.Copy !req
194. I'm Tabitha Soren.
Today in the Sam Sweet case...Copy !req
195. ...the prosecution played the call
Sam made on the night of the murder.Copy !req
196. Mr. Sweet confessed
one month later.Copy !req
197. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
My twin brother's been shot.Copy !req
198. I think it was an Asian gang
or something.Copy !req
199. I saw someone. He looked Asian.Copy !req
200. He was speaking another language.
I'm pretty sure...Copy !req
201. It was Asian.Copy !req
202. He had the same injury last year.Copy !req
203. You guys play here too?Copy !req
204. Weird. I thought I'd see if anybody
wanted to play round ball.Copy !req
205. - Great. We need another man.
- Chip Douglas, my cable guy.Copy !req
206. We met a week ago,
but I feel I've always known him.Copy !req
207. Really? That's sweet.Copy !req
208. - Chip Douglas, you're on my team.
- No way.Copy !req
209. - I'm on Steven's team.
- I'll switch teams. Let's play.Copy !req
210. I've got to warm up!
I don't want to pull a hammy.Copy !req
211. - Let's get it on.
- You any good?Copy !req
212. You'll find out.Copy !req
213. Check it.Copy !req
214. Looks good.Copy !req
215. Let's see what you got,
White Shadow.Copy !req
216. Foul!Copy !req
217. - That was a travel!
- Whatever you say, Chip!Copy !req
218. I see.
We're playing prison rules, huh?Copy !req
219. Feed me!Copy !req
220. Steven, I'm open!
Feed me the rock!Copy !req
221. Chip, over here!Copy !req
222. I love this game.Copy !req
223. - I guess we're done.
- Thanks for bringing your friend.Copy !req
224. Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk
before. Thanks for the boost.Copy !req
225. What are you doing?Copy !req
226. - I'm just talking trash.
- You ruined the game.Copy !req
227. Friends don't speak to each other
like that.Copy !req
228. We're not friends.
I don't even know you.Copy !req
229. - Let me buy you a Heineken.
- I'm going home.Copy !req
230. I guess we'll talk later.
I have to do some stuff anyway.Copy !req
231. - You have 11 new messages.
- All right.Copy !req
232. Steven, it's Mom. Call me.
I'm still your mother, you know.Copy !req
233. Steven, call your mother.Copy !req
234. Hey, Steven. Give me a ring.
I'm at 555-4329.Copy !req
235. What's up, Steve? I'm at a pay phone.
If you're there, pick up.Copy !req
236. I'll be home later.Copy !req
237. Okay, I'm home.
Give me a buzz when you get in.Copy !req
238. It's me again. I was taking a whiz.
Thought you might have called.Copy !req
239. We're having ourselves
a game of phone tag here.Copy !req
240. I was just blow-drying my hair.
Thought I heard the phone ring.Copy !req
241. I think your machine is...Copy !req
242. Oh, shit.Copy !req
243. - Hey, good to see you.
- You too.Copy !req
244. - So how's work?
- Work's good.Copy !req
245. - How's Hal?
- The guy has no vision.Copy !req
246. It's like working for Mr. Magoo.
And those hair plugs...Copy !req
247. He's just an utterly useless person.
I think I hate him.Copy !req
248. - It's nice to see you doing well.
- It's nice just to see you.Copy !req
249. Hey. It should be on now.Copy !req
250. Damn it. The cable's out.Copy !req
251. I know what to do.
The cable guy is a friend of mine.Copy !req
252. I'm a preferred customer.
All I have to do is page him.Copy !req
253. - Hi. Is there a problem?
- My cable's out.Copy !req
254. Really? So you called me.Copy !req
255. Funny, how you call
when you need something.Copy !req
256. - Is that how you treat people?
- I've been busy. Robin is here.Copy !req
257. - This is important.
- But calling me back isn't?Copy !req
258. I'm sorry. Can you help me out?Copy !req
259. Why should I help you?
I gave you free cable.Copy !req
260. - What have you ever done for me?
- Anything you want.Copy !req
261. - Tomorrow night we hang out.
- Fine, anything you want.Copy !req
262. God bless you.
You're too good to me.Copy !req
263. All set!Copy !req
264. - What's with the cut cord?
- That's for effect. Until tomorrow.Copy !req
265. She's pretty. Don't kiss her.
Don't even touch her.Copy !req
266. Resist the urge at all costs.
It'll pay off in the end.Copy !req
267. See what I'm saying?Copy !req
268. Enjoy the flick.Copy !req
269. - That was fast.
- Yeah.Copy !req
270. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine. Don't I look fine?Copy !req
271. That isn't how it's done.
I'd rather just see somebody I like.Copy !req
272. Get a feeling about them,
and ask them if they'd like a drink.Copy !req
273. - Or a slice of pizza?
- Does it still work this way?Copy !req
274. - It doesn't. They ask you.
- I'm starting to notice that.Copy !req
275. If you get a new wife,
do you get to have sex with her?Copy !req
276. - I certainly hope so.
- Will she scratch up your back?Copy !req
277. What?Copy !req
278. In movies, women always scratch
the man when they're having sex.Copy !req
279. - How do you know this?
- Jed's got cable.Copy !req
280. - Mommy's got to go out now.
- When will I get a brother?Copy !req
281. That's why Mommy is going
to happy hour.Copy !req
282. Just sit there with Mr. Babysitter,
and he'll take good care of you.Copy !req
283. Don't sit so close to that thing.
It's going to rot your brain.Copy !req
284. - Why didn't you take my call?
- I can't always pick up the phone.Copy !req
285. Your nostrils flare
when you're mad.Copy !req
286. Sorry about yesterday.
How did everything go with you?Copy !req
287. - Keep them closed.
- Pretty well. The other night...Copy !req
288. You're not peeking, are you?
I want this to be a surprise.Copy !req
289. - Where are we going?
- The finest restaurant in town.Copy !req
290. Open, sesame.Copy !req
291. Medieval Times?Copy !req
292. I knew you'd like it.
I come twice a week.Copy !req
293. I'm your serving wench, Melinda.
Care for something from the barkeep?Copy !req
294. Dost thust have thou a mug of ale
for me and me mate?Copy !req
295. He has been pitched in battle for
a fortnight and has a king's thirst.Copy !req
296. - I'll be right back, My Lord.
- My thanks to ye, fair wench.Copy !req
297. Thanks.Copy !req
298. - Look, I have to tell you...
- Hold that thought. Show's on.Copy !req
299. Welcome to a magnificent journey
into the past.Copy !req
300. This is Medieval Times!Copy !req
301. Are you prepared for a night
of feasting and sport...Copy !req
302. ...the likes of which
you'll never forget?Copy !req
303. Stand up and cheer
for your section's knight.Copy !req
304. Let the games begin!
The blue knight rules!Copy !req
305. The red knight sucks the big one!
You're going down, red knight!Copy !req
306. Going down, down, down!
Red knight going down!Copy !req
307. Down, down, down.
Red knight going down!Copy !req
308. Smite him!Copy !req
309. - Could I get a knife and fork?
- There were none in medieval times.Copy !req
310. - More Pepsi?
- There was Pepsi, but no utensils?Copy !req
311. I've got a lot of tables.Copy !req
312. Can I have your skin?
Check this out.Copy !req
313. Silence of the Lambs.Copy !req
314. Hello, Clarice.
It's good to see you again.Copy !req
315. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
316. This has nothing to do with you
as a person...Copy !req
317. We have reached the climax
of our competition.Copy !req
318. Two noblemen from our audience
will battle to the death...Copy !req
319. ...to resolve a grievance.Copy !req
320. Master Steven Kovacs and Lord Chip,
come to the fighting pit!Copy !req
321. - Let's go.
- What's going on?Copy !req
322. - We're going to do battle.
- Is this a normal part of the show?Copy !req
323. No, but I give all the knights
free cable.Copy !req
324. - Is it safe?
- Sure! That's what the armor's for.Copy !req
325. We have to be careful
not to hurt each other, right?Copy !req
326. I cannot listen to you,
for you are my sworn enemy.Copy !req
327. Just take it easy, all right?Copy !req
328. Nice move.Copy !req
329. Necessity is the mother of invention.Copy !req
330. Come back so that I may brain thee!Copy !req
331. My leg! I have a cramp.Copy !req
332. Are you all right?Copy !req
333. I am now.Copy !req
334. Oh, my God!Copy !req
335. That's the spirit.
Let's give them a show!Copy !req
336. I'm blinded! My eyes!Copy !req
337. I don't believe you.
It's another trick.Copy !req
338. So that's how it's going to be?
You want to play rough?Copy !req
339. Daddy can play rough!Copy !req
340. This is like when Spock fought Kirk.
Best friends forced to do battle.Copy !req
341. Chip, this isn't funny! Stop it!Copy !req
342. The name is Spock. If we don't fight
to the death, they'll kill us both.Copy !req
343. This isn't Star Trek.Copy !req
344. Goodbye, Jim.Copy !req
345. Good fight. Good fight.Copy !req
346. Eat! Keep eating!Copy !req
347. Quickly! Muster atop your steed.Copy !req
348. Get on the friggin' horse.
I don't think he's kidding.Copy !req
349. - Don't do this!
- Good luck to you!Copy !req
350. - This is our destiny!
- No, it's not!Copy !req
351. - Yes, it is! Yes, it is!
- No, it isn't! No, it isn't!Copy !req
352. - Is! Is!
- Isn't! Isn't!Copy !req
353. Are you all right?Copy !req
354. Well done, good sir.
You are the victor.Copy !req
355. But we will meet again.Copy !req
356. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
357. Did you hear that?Copy !req
358. - You have a warrior's instinct.
- I had a real feeling of power.Copy !req
359. If Robin had seen you,
she'd be begging you to come back.Copy !req
360. These knights get laid all the time.Copy !req
361. We should go again next week.Copy !req
362. - You have no messages.
- Nobody loves you.Copy !req
363. I left something in the living room.
Will you check it out for me?Copy !req
364. Just a little piece of equipment.Copy !req
365. - What do you think?
- What is all this?Copy !req
366. It appears as if someone has updated
your home entertainment system.Copy !req
367. I got you the big-screen TV,
deluxe karaoke machine...Copy !req
368. ...and THX-quality sound that would
make George Lucas cream his pants.Copy !req
369. You got in here when I was out?Copy !req
370. How else could I get the stuff in?Copy !req
371. - How much did all of this cost?
- Practically nothing.Copy !req
372. I have a connection.
I hook him up, he hooks me up.Copy !req
373. - I can't accept this.
- Why not?Copy !req
374. You give me something
more valuable. Friendship.Copy !req
375. You give me friendship. We're even.Copy !req
376. You have to take this stuff back.Copy !req
377. Okay.Copy !req
378. - Can I leave it here till Saturday?
- Sure. No problem.Copy !req
379. Hi, this is Robin Harris.Copy !req
380. Steven doesn't live here anymore...Copy !req
381. Hey, it's Steven.
I'm still trying to reach you.Copy !req
382. I'm at the office. Call me. Bye.Copy !req
383. - How's it going?
- Good.Copy !req
384. Good. Keep it up. It's your ass.Copy !req
385. It's Robin on line two.Copy !req
386. I had the best time the other night.
When will I see you again?Copy !req
387. - How about tomorrow?
- Chip.Copy !req
388. I knew I'd get you
on the phone that way.Copy !req
389. Let's break the cherry
on that karaoke machine.Copy !req
390. - What does that mean?
- Karaoke jam. No ifs, ands or buts.Copy !req
391. Maybe a few buts. Big ones!Copy !req
392. You're going on a date?Copy !req
393. We're not officially back together.
And you said time apart is good.Copy !req
394. Yes. Time apart from each other,
but not with other people.Copy !req
395. That's time with someone else.Copy !req
396. - I love you, but I have to go. Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
397. This is just a sign
that you need to live a little.Copy !req
398. - She's having fun. You should too.
- Maybe you're right.Copy !req
399. You're damn right, I'm right.Copy !req
400. - I got you a little something.
- You said we were even.Copy !req
401. You're breaking the rules.
What is it?Copy !req
402. My brother thought
it might help you.Copy !req
403. - This is... There's no words...
- It's no big deal.Copy !req
404. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It is to me.Copy !req
405. Now I'm on a mission.Copy !req
406. This is going to be
the best damn karaoke jam ever.Copy !req
407. We're really bopping!Copy !req
408. - You have some nice friends.
- They're just preferred customers.Copy !req
409. Chick alert, 2 o'clock.
What a licorice.Copy !req
410. - Don't look.
- You're just playing with me.Copy !req
411. - She's all over you.
- Shut up.Copy !req
412. I'd strike while the iron is hot.
He who hesitates, masturbates.Copy !req
413. Go.Copy !req
414. - Hey. I'm Steven.
- Heather.Copy !req
415. - Can I get you a beer?
- How about a tequila?Copy !req
416. All right.Copy !req
417. Hi, Rick.Copy !req
418. That'll be a good one.Copy !req
419. - Glad you accepted my invitation.
- Steven invited me.Copy !req
420. He's having a super time.Copy !req
421. He's changing. You'll have to learn
to live with that.Copy !req
422. I don't know what your story is,
but I'm going to find out.Copy !req
423. Don't dig too deep. You might
get burned by the molten lava.Copy !req
424. I'm out of here.Copy !req
425. Thank you.Copy !req
426. The soothing sounds of Raul,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
427. - You had honey in your voice.
- Do a song for us.Copy !req
428. No, I couldn't. No, I really couldn't.Copy !req
429. All right, already!Copy !req
430. I fought the law, and the law won.Copy !req
431. Jefferson Airplane performed
this song in Gimme Shelter...Copy !req
432. ...a film about how the Hell's Angels
had their way at a Stones concert.Copy !req
433. Tonight, it's my turn.Copy !req
434. - What do you do?
- Can we talk in the other room?Copy !req
435. All right.Copy !req
436. We just had a baby born
at the party.Copy !req
437. We need an ambulance
over by the scaffolding!Copy !req
438. It's the summer of love, baby.
Let's leave these two alone.Copy !req
439. Smile!
That's going to be a good one.Copy !req
440. Good morning,
and how are we today?Copy !req
441. I borrowed this sweatshirt.
Bacon and eggs, coming up.Copy !req
442. - Where did Heather go?
- She left early this morning.Copy !req
443. You cad.Copy !req
444. - What a night. Just what I needed.
- I'll tell you something.Copy !req
445. - You look like a new man.
- I feel like a new man.Copy !req
446. I was getting so used to rejection.
I really liked her.Copy !req
447. Hey. It was my treat.Copy !req
448. - What do you mean?
- You can buy next time.Copy !req
449. - Don't let your eggs get cold.
- Buy what?Copy !req
450. What do you mean, buy what?
The women.Copy !req
451. Do you mean
that Heather is a prostitute?Copy !req
452. Of course. We couldn't get
a woman like that without paying.Copy !req
453. This can't be happening.Copy !req
454. Oh, hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
455. It's okay. She's totally clean.
I checked her out about a week ago.Copy !req
456. To make sure she was good.
And I'm healthy as a horse. Not a drip.Copy !req
457. - Would you like some juice?
- You're kidding. She's your friend.Copy !req
458. - I wish I had friends like that.
- Get out of my house.Copy !req
459. She was a working girl,
but she liked you.Copy !req
460. You might even have got a freebie.Copy !req
461. I don't ever want to see you again.
Robin will never forgive me.Copy !req
462. Don't tell her.
I'll help you get her back.Copy !req
463. I want you out of my apartment.
And get this stuff out of here.Copy !req
464. Why are you doing this?
You're sabotaging yourself.Copy !req
465. Out. Now.Copy !req
466. Everything was going so well.Copy !req
467. I made you breakfast,
and we were eating...Copy !req
468. Out!Copy !req
469. I'll fix this.
I can make it cool again.Copy !req
470. This is just a speed bump!Copy !req
471. - May I help you?
- No. I'm meeting someone here.Copy !req
472. I apologize about last night.
I came home and I just fell asleep.Copy !req
473. Most appreciated.Copy !req
474. Gail tells me
you're coming out of a relationship.Copy !req
475. - We're in a holding pattern.
- A holding pattern?Copy !req
476. You need to come down and refuel.Copy !req
477. You're sexy.Copy !req
478. You've been working hard.
Take a break.Copy !req
479. Excuse me.
What's the story with our chicken?Copy !req
480. Have the eggs had a chance to hatch?
Maybe you can go check on it for me.Copy !req
481. I'm sorry to put you out.Copy !req
482. Unbelievable.Copy !req
483. I'm hysterical now.
What were we talking about?Copy !req
484. What's your job like?Copy !req
485. It's a little crazy right now...Copy !req
486. Wait. I need to use the head.
I want to find out about your job.Copy !req
487. What's with the chicken?Copy !req
488. - Enjoy your meal.
- Thank you.Copy !req
489. - Good evening, sir.
- Hey, Stretch.Copy !req
490. - Pleasant night, isn't it?
- Yeah, not too bad.Copy !req
491. The weather is always nice in here.
The winters are remarkably mild!Copy !req
492. - If you need anything, let me know.
- I got it under control.Copy !req
493. - Unbelievable.
- It's no trouble.Copy !req
494. What is your...?Copy !req
495. People rarely take advantage of
my services. I'll help you wash up.Copy !req
496. Cleanliness is next to godliness.Copy !req
497. You're on a big date.Copy !req
498. You'll need to look your best.Copy !req
499. That'll take care of the shine.
Now, let's pluck those eyebrows!Copy !req
500. She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me...Copy !req
501. ...she loves me not.Copy !req
502. A little José Eber...Copy !req
503. ...a touch of Alfalfa...Copy !req
504. ...and... we're ready to dry you off!Copy !req
505. Right into the buckle.
That's got to hurt!Copy !req
506. Suck the air.Copy !req
507. You look just like Dizzy Gillespie.Copy !req
508. Don't worry about the tip.
But I've got one for you.Copy !req
509. Stay away from Robin. She's taken.Copy !req
510. A man was beaten in a restroom
by a bathroom attendant.Copy !req
511. The victim is unable to speak, but
witnesses described the assailant.Copy !req
512. We'll be right back.Copy !req
513. Tonight on UPN: The trial
that has captured the nation.Copy !req
514. Everyone awaits the verdict,
but we're showing the movie now.Copy !req
515. - Crybaby.
- I love you.Copy !req
516. - No, Sammy!
- Look who's crying now.Copy !req
517. Eric Roberts is Sam and Stan Sweet
in Brother Sweet Brother.Copy !req
518. Parental discretion advised.Copy !req
519. - Who is it?
- It's the cable guy.Copy !req
520. My cable's fine.Copy !req
521. I have an upgrade order
for one Robin Harris.Copy !req
522. I didn't order that.Copy !req
523. I guess you have a secret admirer.Copy !req
524. - Is it a man named Steven?
- I can't say.Copy !req
525. - Come on.
- I promised Steven I wouldn't say.Copy !req
526. Oh, look what I've done.Copy !req
527. - You didn't hear it from me.
- Hold on.Copy !req
528. - Male witches are the worst kind.
- He's not a witch.Copy !req
529. That about does it. My work is done.Copy !req
530. Okay.Copy !req
531. That was hot up there.Copy !req
532. - Are you a friend of Steven's?
- I'm proud to say that I am.Copy !req
533. I recently installed his cable
and we just hit it off.Copy !req
534. - Are you guys going out a lot?
- Not really.Copy !req
535. That guy is devoted to you.Copy !req
536. I shouldn't be telling you this...Copy !req
537. ...but he thinks
you're the cat's pajamas.Copy !req
538. Did he say that?Copy !req
539. Only every five minutes.
Frankly I'm sick of hearing it.Copy !req
540. - He's a good man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
541. He mentioned
that you've had some problems.Copy !req
542. - It's a little complicated.
- It always is.Copy !req
543. I asked a woman to marry me once.Copy !req
544. She wanted to think about it.
We agreed to take some time apart.Copy !req
545. You know... Give each other space.Copy !req
546. She's no longer with us.Copy !req
547. I'm sorry.Copy !req
548. Sometimes you don't know
what you've got till it's gone.Copy !req
549. Promise me you'll never
go bungee jumping in Mexico.Copy !req
550. - I promise.
- Anyway...Copy !req
551. I've said too much.Copy !req
552. Thank you.Copy !req
553. Cherish him, Robin.
Every hair on his head.Copy !req
554. Excuse me.Copy !req
555. - Hello.
- I love you.Copy !req
556. Robin? I love you too.Copy !req
557. That was so sweet of you.Copy !req
558. - You didn't have to do that.
- I... I wanted to.Copy !req
559. Giving me free cable.
Only you would do something like that.Copy !req
560. I wanted to do something for you,
but you needed space, so...Copy !req
561. - Let's not make any more rules.
- Okay.Copy !req
562. - Call me later if you're around.
- Sure, as soon as I get home.Copy !req
563. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
564. - Are you ready to rock?
- The concert. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
565. I think Robin and I
are getting back together.Copy !req
566. So you're blowing me off again.
I won't put up with it anymore.Copy !req
567. - Can't you ask someone else to go?
- Maybe I'll take my cable guy.Copy !req
568. I'll call you later...Copy !req
569. Pretty smooth work.
I set them up, you knock them down.Copy !req
570. - What?
- Robin. I got her back for you.Copy !req
571. - How do you know about us?
- Free cable's an aphrodisiac.Copy !req
572. - Don't mess around with my life.
- I wanted to make things up to you.Copy !req
573. Do you want to catch a flick?Copy !req
574. I appreciate
you helping me out with Robin.Copy !req
575. Now I'll have to work extra hard
not to screw things up again.Copy !req
576. You're a nice guy, but I just
don't have time for a new friend.Copy !req
577. Okay?Copy !req
578. - What are you trying to say?
- I don't want to be your friend.Copy !req
579. I appreciate your honesty.
You're a straight shooter.Copy !req
580. - So you're all right?
- I'm a big boy.Copy !req
581. It's no big deal. Whatever.Copy !req
582. - You're sure?
- Uh-huh. I'm fine.Copy !req
583. - Robin Harris.
- Hey, it's Chip Douglas.Copy !req
584. - Chip Douglas?
- The cable guy.Copy !req
585. - What's up?
- I'm worried about Steven.Copy !req
586. - What is it?
- He doesn't seem like himself.Copy !req
587. - Have you noticed anything?
- No. Things are going really well.Copy !req
588. Good. That makes me feel better.Copy !req
589. - Should I be worried?
- No. Maybe I'm being too nervous.Copy !req
590. Let's just keep our eyes open.Copy !req
591. - Bye.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
592. Stevie, you did it, man.Copy !req
593. You put our cajones on the table
and you slam-dunked it.Copy !req
594. Way to go. Now they'll probably
give him my job.Copy !req
595. - On to the next order of business.
- Steven, I need to talk to you.Copy !req
596. We have to find an architect.Copy !req
597. - I need to talk to you.
- It shall wait.Copy !req
598. - Is there a Steven Kovacs here?
- Yeah. What's the problem?Copy !req
599. You're under arrest
for receiving stolen property.Copy !req
600. - I don't know anything about this.
- Do not speak until spoken to.Copy !req
601. You have the right to remain silent.Copy !req
602. - You have the right to an attorney.
- I didn't accept any stolen goods.Copy !req
603. Deluxe karaoke machine.
Big-screen TV.Copy !req
604. Cream his pants...Copy !req
605. - I can't believe you did this.
- I didn't do anything.Copy !req
606. He gave you a big-screen TV
and a hi-fi system as a present?Copy !req
607. - I swear it's true.
- Why would you accept such gifts?Copy !req
608. - I don't know.
- What's going on? Are you on pot?Copy !req
609. I didn't do anything!
Just call my cable guy.Copy !req
610. Nobody named Chip Douglas
works for the cable company.Copy !req
611. - This can't be happening.
- It's killing your mother.Copy !req
612. - When can you get me out?
- There'll be no bail hearing today.Copy !req
613. You have to
spend the weekend here.Copy !req
614. Look at the pretty boy!Copy !req
615. They call me the pumper.
I'll be your friend.Copy !req
616. Lock down!Copy !req
617. You hear anything?Copy !req
618. I came as soon as I could.Copy !req
619. - What's your real name?
- Larry Tate. That's not important.Copy !req
620. We have to get you out of here.
I was watching Court TV.Copy !req
621. I'll talk to the judge.
I'll put the system on trial.Copy !req
622. - Why are you doing this to me?
- You did this to you.Copy !req
623. - You set me up.
- No. I taught you a lesson.Copy !req
624. I can be your friend or your enemy.
You seem to prefer the latter.Copy !req
625. I'm just here to comfort you.Copy !req
626. Touch it. You need human contact.Copy !req
627. I will not touch it.Copy !req
628. - What are you doing? Stop it.
- I know how you're feeling!Copy !req
629. - Don't do that.
- I'm here for you!Copy !req
630. Don't do that! You'll get me killed!Copy !req
631. Oh, Billy.Copy !req
632. I'm just messing with you.Copy !req
633. Remember Midnight Express?
Oliver Stone won an Academy Award.Copy !req
634. Awesome scene.Copy !req
635. This is the man who framed me.Copy !req
636. Hey, Bernie,
how's that sports package?Copy !req
637. Don't worry about Robin.
I'll take care of her.Copy !req
638. - If you go near her, I'll kill you.
- That's it. Let's go!Copy !req
639. This concludes our broadcast day.
Click.Copy !req
640. - You've been blowing me off.
- This guy's doing a number on me.Copy !req
641. - I told you to stay away from him.
- You said I could get free cable.Copy !req
642. Did I tell you
to have a karaoke jam with him?Copy !req
643. I'm out on bail.Copy !req
644. I'll see if I can track him down.
What was his name?Copy !req
645. Larry Tate. But at first he said
his name was Chip Douglas.Copy !req
646. Chip Douglas? That sounds familiar.Copy !req
647. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.Copy !req
648. - You're not fine.
- I just want to get this over with.Copy !req
649. I hate visiting my parents.Copy !req
650. Is this guy cool?
Just joking. Come in, you psycho.Copy !req
651. - What is he doing here?
- I invited him.Copy !req
652. - I invited him at lunch.
- At lunch?Copy !req
653. - You look great.
- And you are a vision.Copy !req
654. - You look rested.
- Come here.Copy !req
655. - What's wrong? You seem weird.
- You had me sent to jail.Copy !req
656. - I should take you to the police.
- You can if you like.Copy !req
657. But I'd hate
to have to show Robin this.Copy !req
658. - Bastard!
- Let's just have a good time.Copy !req
659. Steven is carrying his battle ax
and chasing me.Copy !req
660. So I say, "Hey, it's just a show!
What are you trying to prove?"Copy !req
661. - He takes things too seriously.
- The guy almost took my head off.Copy !req
662. You never played Porno Password?
It's the adult version of the show.Copy !req
663. Robin, you're on my team.
Steven, you're with Mom.Copy !req
664. You're the judges.Copy !req
665. Pick a word.Copy !req
666. The password is...Copy !req
667. ...vagina.Copy !req
668. - I really don't want to play.
- Come on, Steven.Copy !req
669. Woman.Copy !req
670. - Woman.
- Man?Copy !req
671. Penis.Copy !req
672. - Penis.
- Vagina?Copy !req
673. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
674. She got vagina!Copy !req
675. - I would have said "schlong."
- Now we're starting to get this!Copy !req
676. The password is...Copy !req
677. ...nipple.Copy !req
678. - Can I pass?
- Don't be a stick in the mud.Copy !req
679. Breast.Copy !req
680. Tit?Copy !req
681. Remember his clue.Copy !req
682. Hard.Copy !req
683. - Erection?
- No. But thanks for noticing.Copy !req
684. - Your turn!
- Center.Copy !req
685. Center.Copy !req
686. - Center!
- Nipple?Copy !req
687. - She got it!
- Mom.Copy !req
688. The password is...Copy !req
689. I'm not sure how to say this.Copy !req
690. That little thing...Copy !req
691. - No. I can't say that to my mother.
- She can handle it.Copy !req
692. I won't do it. I've had enough!Copy !req
693. - It's just skin, Steven.
- I don't want to do it anymore!Copy !req
694. - You're overreacting.
- No! He's fooling you all.Copy !req
695. - He's a lunatic and a felon.
- Everybody just relax.Copy !req
696. - We knew this would happen.
- Nothing is happening!Copy !req
697. This is a safe place.
You're with people who love you.Copy !req
698. - We love you.
- I hate you! Get out of my life!Copy !req
699. - He's angry with me. I should go.
- No.Copy !req
700. - You are being an asshole.
- Do you see what's happening?Copy !req
701. - You're hitting bottom.
- Stay away.Copy !req
702. This is where the healing begins.
Come on.Copy !req
703. Robin showed me her birthmark.
It's very sexy.Copy !req
704. What the hell is wrong with you?Copy !req
705. Thanks for the delightful evening.
I guess I'll be leaving now.Copy !req
706. I forgive you. I only hope
my neurologist will feel the same.Copy !req
707. - Did anybody notice I'm late?
- You've been here for an hour.Copy !req
708. - How's Hal?
- The man has no vision.Copy !req
709. It's like working for Mr. Magoo.
If only someone would dump him.Copy !req
710. And those hair plugs...Copy !req
711. - Hair plugs. Hair plugs...
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
712. He's so pathetic.
I think I hate him. Hate him...Copy !req
713. If only someone would dump him.Copy !req
714. I... I don't hate you.Copy !req
715. - Those hair plugs.
- Get out.Copy !req
716. Chip! Chip.Copy !req
717. This isn't funny!Copy !req
718. Where are you?Copy !req
719. If you build it, he will come.Copy !req
720. - Hello?
- Bingo! My Three Sons.Copy !req
721. - Chip and Ernie Douglas.
- I have a list of ex-cable men.Copy !req
722. Murray Slaughter.Copy !req
723. George Jetson. Jean-Luc Picard.Copy !req
724. - Someone called The Big Ragoo.
- Carmine, from Laverne & Shirley.Copy !req
725. That's so sad that you know that.Copy !req
726. Anyway, the cable company in town
fired a guy six months ago...Copy !req
727. ...named Darrin Stephens.Copy !req
728. His boss was Larry Tate,
from a show called Bewitched.Copy !req
729. - He's not with the cable company?
- Yahtzee!Copy !req
730. They fired him for stalking customers.
You better lock up tight.Copy !req
731. In the Sam Sweet Trial,
the jury is close to a verdict.Copy !req
732. They will continue deliberating
into the evening hours.Copy !req
733. The day started real nice,
but now the moisture is increasing.Copy !req
734. We see thunderstorms...Copy !req
735. Cable guy!Copy !req
736. Okay, I'm going!Copy !req
737. See you! Bye.Copy !req
738. I just want to hang out! No big deal!Copy !req
739. - Hello?
- We could have been blood brothers.Copy !req
740. But you're too needy.
It's a real turn-off. Ask Robin.Copy !req
741. The cable company fired you.Copy !req
742. Hold on. I have call waiting.Copy !req
743. - I know it's you.
- Sorry. Where was I?Copy !req
744. - Can't we work this out?
- I wish we could.Copy !req
745. - I'm just so tired, Steven.
- Where are you?Copy !req
746. I'd love to chat, but I'm
getting together with a lady friend.Copy !req
747. - You might know her.
- Stay away from her!Copy !req
748. Goodbye, Steven. Click.Copy !req
749. Robin!Copy !req
750. - Robin!
- She just left with the cable guy!Copy !req
751. Where were they going?Copy !req
752. I heard him say they were taking
a ride on the information highway.Copy !req
753. The future is now!Copy !req
754. Soon every home will integrate their
television, phone and computer!Copy !req
755. You'll be able to visit the Louvre,
or watch female mud wrestling.Copy !req
756. You can shop from your home, or play
video games with someone in Vietnam.Copy !req
757. I want to go home now.
I'm worried about Steven.Copy !req
758. Steven. Steven.Copy !req
759. Steven, Steven, Steven.Copy !req
760. - Help!
- Robin!Copy !req
761. Where are you?Copy !req
762. - Steven!
- I'm coming!Copy !req
763. - Help me!
- Hang on!Copy !req
764. - Steven, look out!
- Yes, Steven! Look out!Copy !req
765. "Dry land is not a myth!"
Kevin Costner, Waterworld.Copy !req
766. - Leave him alone!
- I saw that movie six times!Copy !req
767. Isn't it funny
that we ended up like this?Copy !req
768. You'll have to do
better than that, Steven.Copy !req
769. Steven? Steven.Copy !req
770. My lisp is gone!Copy !req
771. You stupid son-of-a-bitch.Copy !req
772. - Stop it! Steven!
- I'm coming!Copy !req
773. The trouble with real life is,
there's no danger music.Copy !req
774. Nice jump, Spiderman!Copy !req
775. Oh, God.Copy !req
776. Steven called the fuzz!Copy !req
777. Bad boys,
what you gonna do?Copy !req
778. Skooch over just a tad.Copy !req
779. - Here comes our hero.
- Okay. Easy.Copy !req
780. - It didn't have to be this way.
- What are you planning to do?Copy !req
781. I don't really have a plan.Copy !req
782. I'm going moment to moment now.Copy !req
783. You have to admit,
it's a cool place for an ending.Copy !req
784. - An ending to what?
- It's like GoldenEye.Copy !req
785. This isn't a movie! This is reality!Copy !req
786. This is the police. You're
trespassing in a restricted area.Copy !req
787. I just wanted to be your friend...Copy !req
788. ...but I screwed it up.Copy !req
789. - You are in a high-voltage area.
- What's that?Copy !req
790. Come again?Copy !req
791. You want me to quiet down
and chill out in front of the TV?Copy !req
792. You were never there for me,
were you, Mother?Copy !req
793. You expected Mike and Carol Brady
to raise me.Copy !req
794. I'm the bastard son
of Clair Huxtable!Copy !req
795. I'm the lost Cunningham!Copy !req
796. I learned the facts of life
from watching The Facts of Life!Copy !req
797. Oh, God!Copy !req
798. That's it.Copy !req
799. That's what I have to do!Copy !req
800. No. Don't do that!Copy !req
801. - Let's go out and have a Heineken.
- Yeah!Copy !req
802. I'm not thirsty anymore.Copy !req
803. See you.Copy !req
804. No!Copy !req
805. You're not going anywhere!Copy !req
806. It's okay!
I understand my purpose now!Copy !req
807. Don't do this. You just need help.
We all get lonely.Copy !req
808. But I get really lonely. Look at me!Copy !req
809. I'll be your pal. Just come on up!Copy !req
810. No. It's too late for me.Copy !req
811. But there are a lot of cable boys
and girls who still have a chance!Copy !req
812. Don't you understand, Steven?Copy !req
813. Somebody has to kill the babysitter.Copy !req
814. This is the moment we've been
waiting for. The jury is ready...Copy !req
815. The jury has notified the judge
that they've reached a verdict.Copy !req
816. We are live.
The jury is seated and the verdict...Copy !req
817. - The moment of truth...
- Jacob Sweet has been found...Copy !req
818. Help. Help.Copy !req
819. Preferred customer, my ass!Copy !req
820. Squad 51. Man down.
Possible back injury.Copy !req
821. We'll need an IV with D-5-W.Copy !req
822. Check vital signs.Copy !req
823. Prepare to defibrillate! Clear!Copy !req
824. Wait!Copy !req
825. You two will be just fine.Copy !req
826. Take care of him, Robin.
He's good people.Copy !req
827. You never told me your real name.Copy !req
828. You still want to know my name?Copy !req
829. Yeah.Copy !req
830. It's Ricardo.Copy !req
831. Ricky Ricardo.Copy !req
832. I'm just messing with you.Copy !req
833. Let's go home.Copy !req
834. Hang in there, pal!
You're going to make it, buddy!Copy !req
835. Hey.Copy !req
836. - Am I really your buddy?
- Yeah, sure you are!Copy !req