1. It was the nicest
little whorehouse you ever saw.Copy !req
2. It lay about a mile
outside the city limits,Copy !req
3. so everybody
could feel real friendly.Copy !req
4. Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it out
for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910Copy !req
5. and she moved there with her girls from
over the hardware store on Main StreetCopy !req
6. Right from the beginning,
the little house was kinda special,Copy !req
7. like a home away from home.Copy !req
8. Miss Wulla Jean put a pianola in the
parlor to sorta help break the ice.Copy !req
9. A feller could ask a girl to dance or, if
he held back a little, she'd ask him.Copy !req
10. And pretty soon they'd get a
little business goin'.Copy !req
11. Two dollars' worth.Copy !req
12. Yah-hoo!Copy !req
13. It wasn't long before
the place became one ofCopy !req
14. the better known pleasure
palaces in all of Texas.Copy !req
15. So much so that the fellers who
visited during World War One...Copy !req
16. sent their sons back
in World War Two.Copy !req
17. The hospitality and friendliness
never changed,Copy !req
18. and neither did Miss Wulla Jean's
strict set of rules.Copy !req
19. She liked her ladies,
as she called 'em,Copy !req
20. to treat her customers real good,
but never in an unladylike like way.Copy !req
21. And she insisted that each girl check
her gentleman for the clap...Copy !req
22. and wash him off
with soap and warm water.Copy !req
23. Some of the fellers claimed that
that was the best part!Copy !req
24. Ooh-ee!Copy !req
25. It was only during the Hoover depression...Copy !req
26. that the little house had
a spell of tough times.Copy !req
27. Miss Wulla Jean put in a
jukebox to spark up business.Copy !req
28. But it wasn't always easy
in them days to come up with hard cash.Copy !req
29. Well... you just keep
that in the bag,Copy !req
30. and I'll take it out back
as soon as we're finished.Copy !req
31. So for a while,
as the story goes,Copy !req
32. the girls began accepting
poultry in trade.Copy !req
33. One bird, one layCopy !req
34. the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
35. Of course, if you grew up
any where in Texas,Copy !req
36. you knew at an early age
they was sellin' somethin' out there,Copy !req
37. and it wasn't poultry.Copy !req
38. Y'all come back now,
you hear?Copy !req
39. So, for over three generations,Copy !req
40. the Chicken Ranch went
peacefully about its business,Copy !req
41. while the people here
in Gilbert went about theirs.Copy !req
42. That is, until about
seven years ago.Copy !req
43. I was a deputy back then,Copy !req
44. workin' for
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.Copy !req
45. You wanted me to remind you
about your 2:00 appointment.Copy !req
46. That was right after I had lost
the fried chicken franchise here in town,Copy !req
47. while Ed Earl had been sheriff
ever since old Jack Roy Wallace retiredCopy !req
48. Everybody liked Ed Earl,
especially Ed Earl.Copy !req
49. Course, he sure
did know his job,Copy !req
50. and he was a big influence
on me,Copy !req
51. taught me everything I knowCopy !req
52. He used to like to run
a quiet town...Copy !req
53. with plenty of time off for socializin'
and coffee over at Dulcie Mae's cafe.Copy !req
54. Oh, now and again
there'd be a problem,Copy !req
55. Right in front of my car!
and we had some tough ones.Copy !req
56. Like the time the mule
sat on Miss Modene's car.Copy !req
57. He just buckled up
his legs and sat right down!Copy !req
58. She
was really havin' a hissy fit,Copy !req
59. but it didn't faze Ed Earl.Copy !req
60. He just walked over to that
jackass and laid down the lawCopy !req
61. You see, Ed Earl always
believed in talkin' firstCopy !req
62. Cool reasonin': he used to tell me,
could solve any problem.Copy !req
63. - Course he did have a bit of a temper.Copy !req
64. Anyway. just about the time he became
sheriff, Miss Wulla Jean passed on.Copy !req
65. She left the Chicken Ranch to her favorite
workin' girl, Mona StangelyCopy !req
66. who saw the little house
as a Texas institution...Copy !req
67. and aimed to keep it that way.Copy !req
68. Do you catch my drift?Copy !req
69. Well, howdy, boys.Copy !req
70. It's good to see you.
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
71. Come on over here.
I'd like you to meet my girls.Copy !req
72. Well, everything was goin'
along fine, just like always,Copy !req
73. until that famous college
football celebration.Copy !req
74. Some folks think that
that's when the trouble startedCopy !req
75. You see, for years
the winning seniors...Copy !req
76. of the Texas Aggies/Texas U.
football game at Thanksgiving,Copy !req
77. they were treated to a night out
at the Chicken Ranch...Copy !req
78. by their alumni association.Copy !req
79. But actually, the real trouble started
brewin' about three days before.Copy !req
80. I can't tell you how thrilled
we are with your contribution.Copy !req
81. Here's your receipt.
Thank you, Rita.Copy !req
82. Those kids'll be so excited,
and the mayor too.Copy !req
83. Why, the town council will
probably vote you another plaque.Copy !req
84. Lord, I hope not.
I got a closet full of 'em now.Copy !req
85. Hello, Dulcie Mae.
You know Miss Mona.Copy !req
86. Oh, yes, of course!
We've met. Mornin'.Copy !req
87. Good mornin'.
Isn't this wonderful?Copy !req
88. Miss Mona has just capped the goal for
the Little League fund campaign.Copy !req
89. Oh, how nice!Copy !req
90. Well, on behalf of my son and his
teammates, I wanna thank you.Copy !req
91. You tell them I'll be well repaid when
they take the championship next year.Copy !req
92. Good-bye, Rita. I'm sorry the sheriff
wasn't here to thank youCopy !req
93. He drove over to Meritsville.
He'll be gone all afternoon.Copy !req
94. Well, you tell him
I said hi. Bye.Copy !req
95. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
96. Hey, Miss Mona. How are you
doin', Deputy Fred?Copy !req
97. It's nice to see you. It's good to see you.
Keepin' an eye on my place at night?Copy !req
98. Sure are. The sheriffs real
particular about security out there.Copy !req
99. Well, one of these nights,
you drop in.Copy !req
100. My girls would love to show you
a little appreciation.Copy !req
101. Shoot, Miss Mona.
You know I'm a married man!Copy !req
102. Fred, you mean to tell me you don't
think the cows are gonna appreciate theCopy !req
103. time off when a bull goes
to another pasture?Copy !req
104. Miss Mona!Copy !req
105. See you later,
Miss Mona.Copy !req
106. Okay. Good-bye.Copy !req
107. - Damn it!
- What's the matter?Copy !req
108. You're in bed already
So?Copy !req
109. So I told you a hundred times, watching you
get undressed is the best part.Copy !req
110. The best part?Copy !req
111. Well, maybe not 'the' best part,
but in the top two.Copy !req
112. Now, would I wanna
disappoint my little honey?Copy !req
113. Whoo! Ah.
I'm glad I was late.Copy !req
114. Me too! You just hold your horses.
I got a surprise for you.Copy !req
115. I went by the post office. I picked up a
package from Frederick's of Hollywood.Copy !req
116. Yeah? Just a little something
sexy I thought you might like.Copy !req
117. What do you think? It don't
look too little to me.Copy !req
118. Well, it certainly ain't a trainin' bra,
but I do believe I can fill it out.Copy !req
119. I don't think you got any problem there.
I'll be back with more.Copy !req
120. You know, Mona,Copy !req
121. I've known a lot of women
in my life.Copy !req
122. None of' 'em has ever been
exciting to me like you are.Copy !req
123. Really? Even after these years
we've been meetin' like this?Copy !req
124. I'll tell you something.Copy !req
125. A year with you is like...
a minute of sheer happiness.Copy !req
126. Well, now, that is just about the
sweetest thing anybody ever said to me.Copy !req
127. I know.
You know, honey,Copy !req
128. you bring out the...
the romantic in me.Copy !req
129. Tah-dah!Copy !req
130. Whoo! You did that
real fast.Copy !req
131. Well, honey, I've had a lot of practice
gettin' in and out of my clothes.Copy !req
132. How do you like the outfit?Copy !req
133. Hot damn.Copy !req
134. Makes me feel real sexy.Copy !req
135. Whoo.Copy !req
136. Well, you
don't look real sexy.Copy !req
137. What do you mean? I look like
I always look. That's just itCopy !req
138. It's them damn droopy boxer drawers. I
just hate the looks of them things.Copy !req
139. I've worn boxer shorts for years!
- And they look like it.Copy !req
140. These are a brand-new pair. I don't
know what you're talkin' about.Copy !req
141. People tell me I have a real...
sexy quality about me.Copy !req
142. You do, but them
boxer shorts don't.Copy !req
143. But when I was gettin' me
some sexy things, I thought about you,Copy !req
144. because they have
a his 'n' hers department,Copy !req
145. and I thought you
might try that on for size.Copy !req
146. What the hell is it, a Japanese slingshot?Copy !req
147. No, it's jockey shorts with
little silver snaps on the side.Copy !req
148. Mm. Little is the key word
here. They are real little.Copy !req
149. A guy could hurt himself
wearin' those things.Copy !req
150. I don't think so,
thank you very much.Copy !req
151. Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus
postage. And I want you to wear it.Copy !req
152. Aw, you paid $20 for these?
Yes!Copy !req
153. Well, you got screwed.Copy !req
154. Come on, Ed Earl!
No!Copy !req
155. If they look half as good as I think, you
ain't gonna have to wear 'em but a second.Copy !req
156. Maybe less.Copy !req
157. They're ridiculous. They're impossible.
- They're sexy.Copy !req
158. No, no, no! Well, fine! Then I'm
gettin' dressed and goin' home.Copy !req
159. Well, fine! I'm goin' in the
bathroom and... put these on.Copy !req
160. Be like puttin' two bowling
balls in a marble bag.Copy !req
161. Braggin', braggin', braggin'.Copy !req
162. Well, I saw Dulcie Mae
in town today.Copy !req
163. Oh, yeah? I guess you'll be goin'
over there for Thanksgivin' dinner.Copy !req
164. Don't I always?Copy !req
165. You better check
that turkey of hers,Copy !req
166. because there's a hook in there that's
gonna drag your ass to a wedding chapel.Copy !req
167. No way.Copy !req
168. I don't believe in matrimony
It screws up a relationship.Copy !req
169. Amen to that,
Ed Earl.Copy !req
170. Ready?
- Oh, I'm always ready.Copy !req
171. Well, hell fire.
Is that it?Copy !req
172. How'd you like it?
- I didn't hardly get to even see them!Copy !req
173. That's all you're gonna see, 'cause I
ain't gonna parade around like no model.Copy !req
174. Aw, come on, Ed Earl. For me.
No!Copy !req
175. No. Come on. One itsy-bitsy peek?Copy !req
176. What are you doin'? Man!Copy !req
177. Now, that's what the
little silver snaps are for.Copy !req
178. Work, don't they?Copy !req
179. Just like a snap.Copy !req
180. Ha. Come on over here
and give me a little lip lock.Copy !req
181. Oop. Gotta brush my teeth.
Ahh.Copy !req
182. You know how I am
about my breath.Copy !req
183. Oh, Ed Earl, I like a lot of things,
but these afternoons top the list.Copy !req
184. Yeah? Well, sing it to me honey.Copy !req
185. Sheriff?Copy !req
186. Sheriff!Copy !req
187. Deputy Fred.
FredCopy !req
188. Ohh. Hold that position,
hmm?Copy !req
189. Don't move.
Be right back.Copy !req
190. This better be important.
Well, I think it is.Copy !req
191. I saw your car, and I figured
your phone was out, because...Copy !req
192. What are you
wearin' that for?Copy !req
193. Takin' a shower.
Oh, really?Copy !req
194. I always take my shower in the mornin'.
I read in the Reader's Digest...Copy !req
195. I don't care!Copy !req
196. What do you want? Oh, it's the mayor.
He wants to speak to you.Copy !req
197. Rita's been callin' all over
the county for you.Copy !req
198. He wants a meeting right away.
Can't it wait?Copy !req
199. You mean 'til after your shower?
Mmm.Copy !req
200. You go to your radio. Tell him
I'll be there when I get there.Copy !req
201. Nothing can be that important that
it can't wait 'til this afternoon.Copy !req
202. Right, Sheriff
- Nice man, but dumb.Copy !req
203. Mona?Copy !req
204. Mona?Copy !req
205. Ain't that funny? All this time Miss
Mona was knockin' on the screen door.Copy !req
206. She's in a hurry but just dropped
by to give you this.Copy !req
207. It's a Japanese slingshot.Copy !req
208. Well, look at that!
At last!Copy !req
209. Okay, Rufus.
What's on your mind?Copy !req
210. Something that could have serious
implications to the health of this town!Copy !req
211. Tell him, C.J.!Copy !req
212. I have this friend that works
in a TV station down in Houston.Copy !req
213. He tipped me off
that Melvin P. Thorpe's...Copy !req
214. plannin' an expose
on the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
215. Who?
Melvin P. Thorpe!Copy !req
216. He's that crazy consumer advocate. Has
a report on the late night news.Copy !req
217. He's got a new show once a week: The
Watchdog Report. It's on tonight.Copy !req
218. The Chicken Ranch on TV.
Now, come on, fellas.Copy !req
219. Television is a family medium.
But he's a sensationalist, Ed Earl.Copy !req
220. He shows up every time
a consumer has a complaint.Copy !req
221. He's a menace to the
business community.Copy !req
222. He's that feller that put the
peanuts back in the chocolate bar.Copy !req
223. What?Copy !req
224. He made the makers of
the Peanut Delight Candy Bar...Copy !req
225. admit that they put less peanuts
in it than they advertised.Copy !req
226. He made them change their ways.
- Sounds like a tough customer.Copy !req
227. He's got a lot of influence.Copy !req
228. If he brings cameras out to the
Chicken Ranch - Come on, Rufus!Copy !req
229. I'll make some phone calls.Copy !req
230. I got a little influence
around this state myselfCopy !req
231. Well, it's no use talkin' to me
about it, Sheriff!Copy !req
232. Melvin P. Thorpe is now the
biggest attraction at this station.Copy !req
233. High ratings. Lots of letters.
He doesn't listen to anybody.Copy !req
234. Hell, he wants to go national! Wants
to be watchdog for the whole U.S. of A.Copy !req
235. Love to help you, but just like you
don't want to mess with the Chicken Ranch,Copy !req
236. I don't wanna ruffle
this old bird's feathers.Copy !req
237. Here in Houston, he's becomin'
a regular Texas attraction.Copy !req
238. Well, now, wait a minute,
Ed Earl.Copy !req
239. I'd tread easy. Them TV boys
can be mighty powerful.Copy !req
240. And mighty useful,
if you get my meaning.Copy !req
241. Senator, roll call.
Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go.Copy !req
242. It's that damn
bilingual bull shit again.Copy !req
243. Let me give you a word of advice,
from one elected official to another.Copy !req
244. Be careful of the box.Copy !req
245. Son of a bitch.
What the hell's going on?Copy !req
246. This goddamn Thorpe's got
the whole state bamboozled.Copy !req
247. This is serious.
You gotta do somethingCopy !req
248. I intend to.Copy !req
249. Deputy Fred. I want you to hold
down the fort for awhile. - Me?Copy !req
250. Yeah, you.
Where you goin'?Copy !req
251. I'm goin' to Houston. I'm gonna
take care of that little pecker wood myselfCopy !req
252. This is it.
Thank you.Copy !req
253. Come in.Copy !req
254. - Mr. Thorpe?
- I know you.Copy !req
255. - You do?
- Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.Copy !req
256. They told me you were here.
Come on in.Copy !req
257. I hope I'm not...Copy !req
258. interrupting anything.Copy !req
259. Please! It's my pleasure.
What brings you to Houston?Copy !req
260. Sit down.
Anywhere, over here.Copy !req
261. I, uh... Ha-ha.
I'm gettin' dressed.Copy !req
262. Sit down. I've got
my TV show to do,Copy !req
263. and I'm runnin'
a bit behind time.Copy !req
264. It's your show I want to talk to you about,
Mr. Thorpe. Oop. Melvin.Copy !req
265. Melvin. Please.
You watch the show, Ed?Copy !req
266. Well... Last week was the
best ratin' we ever had.Copy !req
267. The city planning commissioner was drivin'
a city car... Hold that for me, will you?Copy !req
268. While he was on vacation.
Caught him dead to rights.Copy !req
269. That pitiful putz. Would you just
pull that up? What?Copy !req
270. Just pull that up.Copy !req
271. And we broke a 30 share.Copy !req
272. It's affectin' my pieces
on the late night news.Copy !req
273. Up, up, up.
They just love my little report.Copy !req
274. I hear you're
very popular.Copy !req
275. The power of television,
of public exposure,Copy !req
276. is so great, it scares me.Copy !req
277. I swear, I could get the mayor's
own children to throw rocks at him.Copy !req
278. Which show did you like best,
Ed?Copy !req
279. I think the one
about the...Copy !req
280. nuts in the chocolate bar.Copy !req
281. That's one of my favorites.Copy !req
282. Three score means 60,
like the Bible says.Copy !req
283. So, if it says "*60 nuts*"
on the wrapper,Copy !req
284. I wanna see 60 nuts inside.Copy !req
285. And I'm talkin' full nuts,
I'm not talkin' a half nut...Copy !req
286. or nut bits or nut chips.Copy !req
287. I'm talkin' a full nut.Copy !req
288. I can see that.Copy !req
289. Thank God we still live
in a society where anything..Copy !req
290. That's phony or dishonest
can't stand the light of day.Copy !req
291. Sock.
Beg your pardon?Copy !req
292. Uh, sock. Thank you.
Yeah.Copy !req
293. Most corporations
involved in false advertisin'...Copy !req
294. would just laugh at a $50 fine,Copy !req
295. but you show up
with your TV camera...Copy !req
296. and give them
a little bad publicity,Copy !req
297. and they shape up faster than
goose shit slides through a tin horn.Copy !req
298. Well, Melvin,Copy !req
299. it's that bad publicity I
want to talk to you about.Copy !req
300. That could hurt people. You take that
report you're doin' on the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
301. That place is older
than rocks and water.Copy !req
302. I wouldn't be surprised if your granddaddy
took your dad your out there...Copy !req
303. to learn about the birds
and the bees.Copy !req
304. I'm from New Jersey.Copy !req
305. See, I moved to Houston six years ago.Copy !req
306. Texas suits my style.Copy !req
307. The point I'm tryin' to make is that every
schoolboy in the state knows about it.Copy !req
308. Most of the politicians
have slept there.Copy !req
309. The mayor and the people of
my county that voted for me,Copy !req
310. they want to keep things
just the way they are.Copy !req
311. Hmm. You know something,
Sheriff? It just struck me.Copy !req
312. We're in the same profession.
- What's that?Copy !req
313. Law enforcement. I'm out there fightin' for
the rights of the public, just like you.Copy !req
314. Both of us are interested
in protectin' the public.Copy !req
315. You in the old way,
and me in the new.Copy !req
316. The new?
Uh-huh. Television.Copy !req
317. I'm the electronic
bounty hunter.Copy !req
318. I use a camera;
you use a gun.Copy !req
319. Yeah. Melvin, everybody'd be happy
if you'd just drop the whole thing.Copy !req
320. Ah. I mean, those
ladies out there,Copy !req
321. they perform a
necessary function.Copy !req
322. Right or wrong... Right or
wrong don't interest me!Copy !req
323. I'm no moralizer. I leave all
that to the preacher.Copy !req
324. Well, I'm glad.Copy !req
325. Anyway, the mayor was thinkin' maybe
you'd want a little unnecessary publicity.Copy !req
326. Unnecessary publicity?
He's got me all wrong!Copy !req
327. I'm not one of those sensation
mongers out to boost his own ego!Copy !req
328. Clear.Copy !req
329. How do you like it?
It's different.Copy !req
330. I designed this myselfCopy !req
331. No, you tell your mayor...Copy !req
332. he's got nothing to fear
from me on that score.Copy !req
333. He'll be happy to hear that. I'm a lawman.
That's my interest. Right, partner?Copy !req
334. Twenty seconds.Copy !req
335. Oh, I'm on!
Friend Ed, I gotta go.Copy !req
336. That's my cue.Copy !req
337. Come on!Copy !req
338. Apres vous!Copy !req
339. Come to think of it,
I'd love to interview youCopy !req
340. I don't think I'm the type. Nonsense!
You're exactly what the public would like to see.Copy !req
341. Really? We'll discuss
it after the show.Copy !req
342. This is the sponsor's booth.
Just make yourself comfortable.Copy !req
343. Make yourself to home. See you
later, partner. Thank you.Copy !req
344. And now..
the watchdog man himself.Copy !req
345. The eyes and ears of Texas,
Melvin P. Thorpe!Copy !req
346. Thank you, fellow Texans,
and welcome to The Watchdog Report,Copy !req
347. with yours truly,
Melvin P. Thorpe,Copy !req
348. keepin' an eye on what's goin'
on in this beautiful state of ours.Copy !req
349. This week's spotlight will
shine on a shameful situation...Copy !req
350. that has been allowed to exist
for close to a hundred years.Copy !req
351. I'm talkin' about
the Chicken Ranch, my friends.Copy !req
352. The proprietor of this
innocent-lookin' ranch house...Copy !req
353. is a woman
known only as Miss Mona.Copy !req
354. And the man who turns his back
on her illegal operation...Copy !req
355. is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd!Copy !req
356. Did I say illegal?
Yes, I did!Copy !req
357. Now, I know
that this is TV.Copy !req
358. So I'm gonna try to be
as delicate as I can!Copy !req
359. Here goes,
and may God forgive me!Copy !req
360. And now, our own
Melvin P. Thorpe singers.Copy !req
361. Oh, my goodness,
he's talkin' about us!Copy !req
362. Don't touch that dial!
This is Melvin P. Thorpe...Copy !req
363. sayin' I'll be back with new
and revealin' information...Copy !req
364. about this and other cases.Copy !req
365. Watchdog never sleeps!Copy !req
366. Damn. That man is crazier
than a peach orchard sow.Copy !req
367. Announcin' it straight out
on TV.Copy !req
368. So you been sayin'. Everybody's talkin'
about it. Not that it's big news...Copy !req
369. to anybody over
three months of age.Copy !req
370. But they heard it
in their livin' room.Copy !req
371. Sung. Sung to music. And he
actually called my name on television.Copy !req
372. Worse than that. The son of a
bitch called mine!Copy !req
373. Ed Earl, seems like ever since I can
remember, folks been jumpin' on me...Copy !req
374. for one reason or another. Mmm.Copy !req
375. But we're gonna beat this thing.
I ain't worried about it.Copy !req
376. You know why?
Because I trust you.Copy !req
377. Mmm.
'Cause you're my protector.Copy !req
378. Do you know he wears
a sock in his underwear?Copy !req
379. A sock? Yeah. All rolled up
like a Jimmy Dean sausage.Copy !req
380. Well, I bet
he's runnin' for office.Copy !req
381. That's typical of them
crusadin' fanatics.Copy !req
382. They flare up every few months.
They're always confusin' crime with sin.Copy !req
383. People get sick of hearin' it, and
pretty soon it just clears out of the air.Copy !req
384. You're probably right.
Well, ain't I always?Copy !req
385. Mm-hmm. You know what I
was thinkin', Ed Earl?Copy !req
386. What? Just how much I
miss all the little stuff..Copy !req
387. Me and you used to do,
like goin' up to the lake.Copy !req
388. Wouldn't it be fun just to go
up there, get a couple of six-packs,Copy !req
389. and just get drunker
than Clooney Brown?Copy !req
390. Girl, that's the best idea you had
all year. When we gonna do this?Copy !req
391. Well, I'd like
to do it tonight.Copy !req
392. So would I.Copy !req
393. Well, I wonder who that is.Copy !req
394. Hey, Deputy Fred.
Morning, girls!Copy !req
395. How's your
tally wacker hangin'?Copy !req
396. Fine... Uh...Copy !req
397. Gee.Copy !req
398. Hi, Sheriff.
This better be important.Copy !req
399. It is. That Melvin P. Thorpe is
settin' up in front of the courthouse!Copy !req
400. In front of the...
Courthouse!Copy !req
401. He's gettin' some pictures
for the late news tonightCopy !req
402. He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen.
You better come.Copy !req
403. Right in front of...
Your office!Copy !req
404. Son of a...
Bitch.Copy !req
405. I cannot believe that sucker!Copy !req
406. He even brought his own singers.
Wait'll I get my hands...Copy !req
407. Go get him, Sheriff!Copy !req
408. Come on, Deputy Fred!Copy !req
409. Ed Earl, please don't
go doin' something stupid...Copy !req
410. you're gonna be sorry for!Copy !req
411. Watch your temper. Everything's
gonna be fine. Leave that shithead to me.Copy !req
412. Howdy again. Melvin P. Thorpe,
the old watchdog himself,Copy !req
413. shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert, the
little town with the big shame.Copy !req
414. Who's that fella in them
trick britches?Copy !req
415. I don't know, but it's too late
in the year for a carnival.Copy !req
416. One of them TV folks,
looks like to me.Copy !req
417. We're here at the Lanville County Courthouse
to ask some of the local citizens...Copy !req
418. how they feel about
the infamous bordello...Copy !req
419. runnin' wide open in
their American hometown.Copy !req
420. Cut! All right, now,
stay with me, boys.Copy !req
421. And when I start the music, I want you
Dogettes to start with me, brisk!Copy !req
422. Good people of Gilbert, may l
have your attention, please?Copy !req
423. I would like to speak to you about a
matter of great importance and concern.Copy !req
424. Let's hear it, Melvin!
Lay it on us.Copy !req
425. I'm speakin' to you
about nothin' less...Copy !req
426. than your community's
moral health!Copy !req
427. I'm talkin' to you
about official blindness,Copy !req
428. official corruption,
official malfeasance.Copy !req
429. He sure is wound up. Yep. I'm just
waitin' for Ed Earl to get here.Copy !req
430. He's gonna kick that boy's ass.Copy !req
431. It's no big secret. You know
what's goin' on in this town,Copy !req
432. and what's goin' on is evil,Copy !req
433. immoral, brazen
and against the law!Copy !req
434. Now, Sheriff. Sheriff!
Keep a grip on yourself.Copy !req
435. Don't get your backup!
Stop whimperin', Rufus.Copy !req
436. Well, if it isn't
the man himself.Copy !req
437. Would you care to give me
an interview now, Sheriff?Copy !req
438. I'm gonna give you 30 seconds,
you fancified fart.Copy !req
439. Get you and your singin' chorus the
hell out of town! Now, wait...Copy !req
440. And get those cameras and crap off
the street. You're blockin' traffic!Copy !req
441. The only traffic we're blockin' is that
headed out for the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
442. Right, Sheriff?Copy !req
443. Little fat buddy,
up to now you got two tickets:Copy !req
444. one for paradin' with out a license
and the other for insultin' me.Copy !req
445. Get that circus out of town, or
I'm gonna lock you up so fast...Copy !req
446. your corset's gonna pop! Oh, yeah?
We're perfectly within the law.Copy !req
447. As a newsman, I have
First Amendment protection.Copy !req
448. Get this.Copy !req
449. The public has a right to know
what is goin' on out there...Copy !req
450. and what kind of payoff
you're acceptin' to protect...Copy !req
451. that notorious
house of ill repute.Copy !req
452. Ooh!Copy !req
453. First thing is, you're
standin' in Lanville County,Copy !req
454. which, by my figurin',
is about 100 miles west...Copy !req
455. of that stink hole
you call Houston.Copy !req
456. So I can't see it's any of your
business what goes on out here.Copy !req
457. Oh, yeah?
Please...Copy !req
458. Number two.Copy !req
459. You ain't the law
around here, and I am.Copy !req
460. So don't be tellin' me
what my goddamn job is,Copy !req
461. or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll
look like the stripes on a barber pole.Copy !req
462. Get him, Sheriff
Maybe mean, but he's ours!Copy !req
463. Number three. No sawed-off
little pecker...Copy !req
464. is gonna accuse me
of takin' a bribe,Copy !req
465. 'cause I wear the badge
in this goddamn county.Copy !req
466. So you listen and listen good,
you over padded, televisin' turd.Copy !req
467. If I ever see you or any of those little
bastards that work for you in my town again,Copy !req
468. I'm gonna knock you so flat you're gonna
have to roll down your socks to shit!Copy !req
469. That's tellin' him, Sheriff!
My goodness!Copy !req
470. So get outta here, you goddamn,
wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch!Copy !req
471. Oh! Ooh.Copy !req
472. Move, you schmuck!Copy !req
473. Move it!
Come on!Copy !req
474. Get outta here!
Move this thing!Copy !req
475. Come on, move this thing!
I'll get you for this.Copy !req
476. You son of a bitch!
You'll pay for this.Copy !req
477. You're in trouble, Sheriff!
You're in big trouble!Copy !req
478. So long, partner.Copy !req
479. Boy, you sent him hightailin'.
I was so proud of you!Copy !req
480. Didn't I?
Yeah.Copy !req
481. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
482. Look at them stars.
Mmm.Copy !req
483. Well, there ain't nothin'
prettier than a Texas sky.Copy !req
484. Ain't that the truth.Copy !req
485. Hey, look! Did you see
that shootin' star? Mm-hmm.Copy !req
486. That could've been a
spaceship, you know. Yeah.Copy !req
487. You believe in spaceships?
Sure.Copy !req
488. I saw a picture once. Them fellers
that's supposed to be from up there.Copy !req
489. Uh-huh. Tiny little fellers,
bald-headed.Copy !req
490. Little feet, little
hands, got no peckers.Copy !req
491. Got no peckers?Copy !req
492. Well, I ain't interested.Copy !req
493. I don't think my girls would be either.Copy !req
494. When I was a little kid, I used
to imagine a flyin' saucer...Copy !req
495. swoopin' down and pickin' me
up and takin' me off to heaven.Copy !req
496. Like the angels.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
497. "I looked, and behold,
a whirlwind comin' out of the north.Copy !req
498. And out of the midst of the fire came the
likeness of four living creatures."Copy !req
499. What the hell
you talkin' about?Copy !req
500. That's from the Bible. That's what the
Bible says about spaceships in Ezekiel.Copy !req
501. Don't you know nothin'
about the Bible? Yeah!Copy !req
502. I just don't know nothin' about
no 'Zekiel in the Bible.Copy !req
503. I knew a 'Zekiel Peebles
once in the eighth grade.Copy !req
504. Think I busted his jaw.Copy !req
505. Mmm. Well, that was
very Christian of you.Copy !req
506. Well, most of my family
was Baptist.Copy !req
507. I never stayed with one family long
enough to become anything in particular.Copy !req
508. But I read the Bible.
I believe in Jesus.Copy !req
509. I think Jesus was...
was a real good man.Copy !req
510. And he was a heck
of a speaker.Copy !req
511. Yep. I knew a woman once
that had a vision of Jesus.Copy !req
512. He came right in her house, set
right down at the foot of her bed.Copy !req
513. Mmm? I don't know what I'd
do if that happened to me.Copy !req
514. I'll tell you something, honey.
If Jesus comes to your house,Copy !req
515. all hell's gonna
break loose.Copy !req
516. Mmm.Copy !req
517. You got a point there,
Ed Earl.Copy !req
518. But you know, Jesus was really good
to Mary Magdalene, the fallen woman.Copy !req
519. He was always bein' very sociable.
He went to this big weddin' once,Copy !req
520. and they ran out of wine.Copy !req
521. You know what He did?
Turned the water into wine.Copy !req
522. Well, that's a man that
knows how to throw a party.Copy !req
523. Now, don't be sacrilegious.Copy !req
524. I'm not. I'm not.
He forgives me.Copy !req
525. He knows I was kiddin'.
I know He forgives you.Copy !req
526. That's funny, how God can forgive you,
and people can't. Why is that?Copy !req
527. Well, because people
are not very godly.Copy !req
528. I know.Copy !req
529. I know.Copy !req
530. Yeah.Copy !req
531. What is it?Copy !req
532. Melvin P. Thorpe...Copy !req
533. is a sorry son of a bitch.Copy !req
534. You reckon he's gonna
run for the legislature?Copy !req
535. Why?Copy !req
536. I never told anybody
this before, but...Copy !req
537. I was thinkin' of runnin'
for the legislature some day.Copy !req
538. Are you serious, Ed Earl?
Yeah.Copy !req
539. They say an honest man can't
be elected in this country anymore.Copy !req
540. But I don't believe that.Copy !req
541. This is a good country.Copy !req
542. I believe I could win.Copy !req
543. Well, you got my vote.
I might even go register.Copy !req
544. Boy, I sure didn't know you
had dreams that big. Mmm.Copy !req
545. People really do like you, though.
They like you too.Copy !req
546. Really?
Sure.Copy !req
547. You ask anybody in town about you.
Say, "How do you like Miss Mona?"Copy !req
548. They say, "Shoot,
she's a fine woman".Copy !req
549. "Fine, friendly and nice." Mmm.Copy !req
550. I always just thought if you
see somebody with out a smile,Copy !req
551. you give 'em yours.
I like that.Copy !req
552. I like that.Copy !req
553. Think I'll use that
as my campaign slogan.Copy !req
554. If you see somebody with out a
smile, give 'em yours.Copy !req
555. I'm gonna have that
printed upon a little card.Copy !req
556. Oh, you're kiddin' me.
You smart-ass.Copy !req
557. I had a dream once.
Yeah?Copy !req
558. I'll tell you if you won't laugh.
Oh, I won't laugh.Copy !req
559. Well, I used to dream
of bein' a ballerina.Copy !req
560. Now, Ed Earl, I ain't
tellin' you nothin'.Copy !req
561. Well... ballerina?
Yes, a ballerina!Copy !req
562. Well, I think
that's wonderful.Copy !req
563. And I think you still could be a
ballerina if you wanted to be.Copy !req
564. Don't be ridiculous!
No, you could!Copy !req
565. Go into training right now.
Just start jumpin' up and down.Copy !req
566. Me? Jumpin' up and down? I'd
black both my eyes.Copy !req
567. I couldn't now.
I'm too top heavy.Copy !req
568. I have a hard enough time balancin' these
things now, with out gettin' on my toes.Copy !req
569. You know something?
What?Copy !req
570. You know that, uh, I
don't see anybody but you anymore.Copy !req
571. Course, you can't
say the same, can you?Copy !req
572. I haven't been to bed with another
woman besides you in three years.Copy !req
573. You didn't know that,
did you?Copy !req
574. No, I didn't know that.Copy !req
575. Nothin' better, once
you've had the best.Copy !req
576. Hey, I like that. Mmm.
I thought you would.Copy !req
577. Reckon if I was to run for the legislature,
I could, uh, put that on my card?Copy !req
578. Up next, Melvin P. Thorpe continues
his expose of the Chicken Ranch...Copy !req
579. with a violent demonstration
in the Gilbert town square.Copy !req
580. Great God from Goldsborough!Copy !req
581. Wha... Yeah?Copy !req
582. Ed Earl, you better turn on
channel four.Copy !req
583. That idiot's
got you on TV again.Copy !req
584. Well, I don't
give a shit, Rufus!Copy !req
585. It's all very well
to take that attitude,Copy !req
586. Honey.
but this is serious!Copy !req
587. Put on the television.
Channel four.Copy !req
588. That Melvin P. Thorpe
is shootin' off his mouth again.Copy !req
589. How could what he's sayin'
be so goddamn important?Copy !req
590. Calm down, Rufus! It can't
be as bad as all that.Copy !req
591. What happened to me as an
individual is not important.Copy !req
592. Is this the kind of man we want
runnin' our law enforcement?Copy !req
593. Is this the kind
of foul-mouthed example...Copy !req
594. we wanna set for our young,
innocent children?Copy !req
595. Run the film.Copy !req
596. Number three:
No sawed-offCopy !req
597. Is gonna accuse me
of takin' a bribe,Copy !req
598. because I wear the badge
in this county!Copy !req
599. So you listen good!
YouCopy !req
600. If I ever see you or any of those
in my town again,Copy !req
601. I'm gonna knock you so flat you're gonnaCopy !req
602. Ed Earl, that man has
made a fool out of you.Copy !req
603. I've had calls from preachers, deacons...Copy !req
604. And the presidents
of two garden clubs!Copy !req
605. Thank you for callin'. The phones
have been ringin' all mornin'.Copy !req
606. Sheriff's office. I don't
know why I serve as mayor...Copy !req
607. of this incorporated
sand trap anyway!Copy !req
608. What in the heck is keepin' him?
He'll be along.Copy !req
609. Well, he'd better! My wife couldn't
believe what she saw last night.Copy !req
610. They bleeped him, but she read his
lips on every hell, goddamn and shit.Copy !req
611. There's some folks gettin' up a
petition to close the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
612. All we wanted to do
was keep it quiet.Copy !req
613. Thanks to Ed Earl, it's the hottest thing
on the air since the Gong ShowCopy !req
614. I'll tell him you called
Sheriff.Copy !req
615. Mornin', Rita.
Here's your calls.Copy !req
616. Reckon you fellas are waitin'
to talk to me. We sure are!Copy !req
617. You don't know the trouble you caused
on this Chicken Ranch business!Copy !req
618. Dad-gum it, Ed Earl!
If you ain't a pluperfect fool!Copy !req
619. You may be right. I got over a dozen
messages here from outraged citizens,Copy !req
620. tellin' me that we got a whorehouse
in Lanville County.Copy !req
621. Only been one here
for about 150 years.Copy !req
622. Ed Earl, you can set up speed
traps to catch the tourists.Copy !req
623. You can look the other way when the
wrong kid swipes a car to go joy riding.Copy !req
624. Hell, you can even
let Miss Mona run her place!Copy !req
625. But there's one thing you can't do:
broadcast gutter talk on TV.Copy !req
626. I didn't know
they was takin' pictures.Copy !req
627. What did you figure
the cameras were for?Copy !req
628. Damn it, C.J.!
You pious pissant.Copy !req
629. I don't have one-tenth the trouble from
Miss Mona's that I have from you...Copy !req
630. for one of your all-night stag parties
over at the Legionnaire Hall.Copy !req
631. That ain't fair, dang it!
There's just one thing to do:Copy !req
632. Close the place before we all go to hell
in a hand basket. Close it down!Copy !req
633. She was just fine as long as she was bringin'
in the money and makin' civic contributions,Copy !req
634. but the moment her luck ran
sour, you want to run out on her.Copy !req
635. Run out on her like rats
from a burnin' barn!Copy !req
636. That's just it, Ed Earl.
Who's gonna put out that fire?Copy !req
637. Look, if you won't close
her, tell her to lay low!Copy !req
638. Just until the heat
wears off a little bit.Copy !req
639. Give it two months.
What's two months?Copy !req
640. Nobody tells me
how to run my goddamn job,Copy !req
641. and nobody gives me advice!Copy !req
642. I'll do things my own way. I'm gonna
make up my own damn mind!Copy !req
643. Two months.
What's two months?Copy !req
644. Shut down for two months!Copy !req
645. That is a hell of a lot
to ask somebody, Ed Earl.Copy !req
646. That's a hell of a lot of overhead
to pay out when cash ain't comin' in.Copy !req
647. What do you think I ought to tell my girls?
Maybe it won't be two months.Copy !req
648. The holidays are comin' up.
Maybe the whole thing will blow over,Copy !req
649. and you can let your customers...
I warned you yesterday...Copy !req
650. about losin' your temper
and carryin' on.Copy !req
651. Last night you said
you was proud of me.Copy !req
652. Last night I wasn't
on the 11:00 news!Copy !req
653. I didn't know that son of a
bitch was gonna make an idiot out of me.Copy !req
654. I don't know about that electronic bullshit!
How was I supposed to handle that?Copy !req
655. That's your job, Ed Earl.
Ain't that what they pay you for?Copy !req
656. I know my job! Don't be tellin'
me what my goddamn job is!Copy !req
657. I could close this place down
in a New York minute!Copy !req
658. All I'm askin' for is a little cooperation
so I can get through a difficult situation...Copy !req
659. with as little trouble
as possible!Copy !req
660. Okay, okay, okay!
I'll shut it down.Copy !req
661. You will? What do you want,
a written contract?Copy !req
662. You promise? Ed Earl,
I am givin' you my word.Copy !req
663. I'm sorry, Mona, about
the whole situation.Copy !req
664. Don't feel sorry for me.Copy !req
665. I started out poor, and I
worked my way up to outcast.Copy !req
666. I know what I'm askin' is gonna turn
out to be the best thing for both of us.Copy !req
667. Just trust me.Copy !req
668. You know
what burns my ass?Copy !req
669. What?
A flame about three feet high.Copy !req
670. Of course I trust you, you big cowboy.
Ain't I always?Copy !req
671. Mm-hmm.
No need to stop now.Copy !req
672. Now get out of here.Copy !req
673. Everything's gonna turn out just fine.
Don't you worry about a thing, honey.Copy !req
674. Everything's gonna turn out
slicker than catshit...Copy !req
675. on a linoleum floor.Copy !req
676. Well, if it ain't the celebrated,
cussin' sheriff of Lanville County.Copy !req
677. How are you, Sheriff?Copy !req
678. I'm fine.
How are you, Porky?Copy !req
679. Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week.
I've lost six pounds.Copy !req
680. Yeah? Well, don't take nothin'
off them cheeks. Oh, goon.Copy !req
681. Whoa!Copy !req
682. Well, Jewel, I just
promised the sheriff..Copy !req
683. That we're gonna
shut down for two months.Copy !req
684. What? How can you
promise that?Copy !req
685. What about the football
celebration tomorrow night?Copy !req
686. I forgot all about that.Copy !req
687. It's the Thanksgiving game,
and that's real special.Copy !req
688. I know! I don't know
what to do. I did promise.Copy !req
689. You think if we close the doors
to the regular customers,Copy !req
690. just went on as planned,
that'd be all right?Copy !req
691. I'm sure it will, honey. That party is
a bigger tradition than the game.Copy !req
692. 65,000-plus on hand
here at Kyle Field,Copy !req
693. and we have seen
an amazing ball game.Copy !req
694. Texas A&M heavily favored,
but we're tied 12 to 12.Copy !req
695. Aggies have the ball,
second down at the eightCopy !req
696. Time is winding down.Copy !req
697. And again,
the Longhorns' break is stoppedCopy !req
698. This University
of Texas defense... Whoo!Copy !req
699. Whoo!Copy !req
700. String up the white...Copy !req
701. until after we see
who wins, orange or maroon.Copy !req
702. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
703. I can't stand it if them Aggies win.
What do you mean?Copy !req
704. They're such animals. Always yellin'
and jumpin' about...Copy !req
705. and sayin' yee-hawCopy !req
706. If they have to go for all the
marbles, they will have to throw.Copy !req
707. Time running out. Miller rolls
to the right. Pass! Touchdown!Copy !req
708. - Yeaaah!Copy !req
709. Hell! That calls
for a drink.Copy !req
710. The part that emotion plays
in a game like this!Copy !req
711. Don't let your mother
see you do that.Copy !req
712. Well, who won?
The Aggies.Copy !req
713. Aw, shit.
Yee-haw.Copy !req
714. Yee-haw!Copy !req
715. Yee-haw!Copy !req
716. Hey, boys!Copy !req
717. All right!
Hey, boys!Copy !req
718. Boys, boys! That was
the greatest victory...Copy !req
719. since General Eisenhower won!Copy !req
720. Senator,
you ain't forgot...Copy !req
721. you was gonna take us
to the Chicken Ranch, did ya?Copy !req
722. Yeah! How about it? I always keep
my campaign promises, hmm?Copy !req
723. Yes, sir. The Chicken
Ranch is a fine institution,Copy !req
724. and I'm proud to have it
in my district.Copy !req
725. And to hell with what
Melvin P. Thorpe says!Copy !req
726. I'll see all you seniors out
at Miss Mona's.Copy !req
727. Better than
a football game?Copy !req
728. Yee-haw!Copy !req
729. Get out of the way!Copy !req
730. Look it here!
Watch this.Copy !req
731. Whoo!Copy !req
732. Yee-haw!Copy !req
733. Yee-haw! Yee-haw!Copy !req
734. Hey. All right!
Hey, come on.Copy !req
735. Atta boy!Copy !req
736. Oh, yeah! Come on! All right!Copy !req
737. All right!Copy !req
738. What the hell
happened?Copy !req
739. Do we have to wear
these ball gowns again?Copy !req
740. Yes, and I don't wanna hear
any more bitchin' about it.Copy !req
741. Miss Mona likes to create
somethin' special for the boys.Copy !req
742. It's like a graduation dance.Copy !req
743. Yee-haw! Yee-haw!
Yee-haw!Copy !req
744. Yee-haw!
Y'all come on in!Copy !req
745. Oh, I'm
so glad to see ya.Copy !req
746. Congratulations! Hey, boys!
I think you'll find..Copy !req
747. It's a fittin' celebration
for today's victory!Copy !req
748. Whoo! Howdy, boys!Copy !req
749. Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood of the
19th District and the Aggie class of' '49.Copy !req
750. Mighty proud to meet you.Copy !req
751. To meet me! Charlie, who you
think you're talkin' to?Copy !req
752. How's Mary Margaret
and the kids?Copy !req
753. Hell, Miss Mona,
I didn't think you'd remember.Copy !req
754. Remember? Did you remember
to bring my check?Copy !req
755. I got it right here.Copy !req
756. Good. You know it's always a business
doin' pleasure with you, Charlie.Copy !req
757. You boys head on out back.Copy !req
758. We've got a nice surprise for you.
Come on, boys!Copy !req
759. Yoo-hoo! Boys!Copy !req
760. Hi!Copy !req
761. Howdy, girls!Copy !req
762. Yee-haw!Copy !req
763. Yee-haw!Copy !req
764. Yo!Copy !req
765. It's me, Deputy Fred!Copy !req
766. Come on in, Fred!Copy !req
767. Sheriff.Copy !req
768. Happy Thanksgiving.
You want a drink?Copy !req
769. Aw, no, thank you. That stuff always
tears up my stomach.Copy !req
770. I was readin' in the Reader's Digest...
What do you want, Fred?Copy !req
771. Oh, I was makin' my rounds
around town,Copy !req
772. and I saw that Melvin P. Thorpe
and a bunch of other fellers...Copy !req
773. headed out towards the Chicken Ranch.
Melvin P. Thorpe.Copy !req
774. Uh-huh. Goin' out to the
Chicken Ranch, was he?Copy !req
775. Yeah?Copy !req
776. He's gonna be real disappointed!Copy !req
777. There ain't nothin' goin' on. Miss
Mona promised me to close down.Copy !req
778. Ah! Well, she didn't. I was
out there earlier this evenin'.Copy !req
779. Those Aggies was just
celebratin' to beat the band.Copy !req
780. Oh, no.Copy !req
781. Uh-huh! Aw, shit!Copy !req
782. Uh-huh!Copy !req
783. Shh. Quiet.Copy !req
784. Shh. This maybe the most
important scoop of my television career.Copy !req
785. Not now!
Idiot boy.Copy !req
786. Give me that.
Now.Copy !req
787. Good neighbors, we're about to enter
the whorehouse itselfCopy !req
788. Cut. Come on.Copy !req
789. Stay with me.
Come on. Come on, boys.Copy !req
790. No! There's been a party here.
Watch your step.Copy !req
791. Shh.Copy !req
792. Hold this.Copy !req
793. Damn quiet.Copy !req
794. Billy Joe, light switch.Copy !req
795. Shh. Come on.
No!Copy !req
796. Careful.Copy !req
797. Henry. Lights.
Light switch.Copy !req
798. Watch me. You know
what you gotta do.Copy !req
799. Wait. Bingo.Copy !req
800. Lights! Everybody up!Copy !req
801. Let's go!Copy !req
802. All right! Come along!Copy !req
803. Oh, shit!Copy !req
804. Jewel, what in hell
is goin' on?Copy !req
805. Call the sheriff!
It's that Thorpe sucker!Copy !req
806. Oh! Goodness!Copy !req
807. They're smokin' cocaine!Copy !req
808. Take their picture!Copy !req
809. Follow me! Oh!Copy !req
810. All right, take this!Copy !req
811. Take her picture!
Thank you!Copy !req
812. Excuse me, ma'am.
Y'all come back now, you hear?Copy !req
813. Come on! Ooh.
Look who's here.Copy !req
814. Senator, the eyes of Texas
are upon you Ha.Copy !req
815. Come on, boys!
We gotta leave.Copy !req
816. Thank you, ma'am.
- Oh!Copy !req
817. Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Miss Mona!Copy !req
818. Melvin P. Thorpe.
Gotcha!Copy !req
819. Let's get to those vans! We're
gonna make the mornin' news!Copy !req
820. See you on TV!Copy !req
821. Holy shit!Copy !req
822. God Almighty.Copy !req
823. Damn it! You gave me your word!
And I took it!Copy !req
824. Now, I'm the law! The law!
Talk about the law!Copy !req
825. A bunch of crazies
break into my house tonight,Copy !req
826. comin' in here, takin' pictures,
invadin' my privacy.Copy !req
827. Wanna know what
the law's gonna do?Copy !req
828. I can tell you.
Nothin'!Copy !req
829. They'd have no reason to do nothin' if
you'd done what you said you were gonna do!Copy !req
830. I trusted you.
That's what hurt.Copy !req
831. Don't you talk to me about trust!
I trusted you to protect me!Copy !req
832. I made a mistake tonight,
okay?Copy !req
833. If that's your apology,
it ain't worth armadillo crap.Copy !req
834. I ain't apologizin'! I'm a business
woman payin' out double taxes!Copy !req
835. I expect a little protection!Copy !req
836. Where were you?
I couldn't get you...Copy !req
837. I was in bed, because you gave
me your word you were closin' down.Copy !req
838. If Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace
was here, none of this...Copy !req
839. Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace couldn't
hold my jock! You can't handle the job!Copy !req
840. Goddamn it, Mona,
you're makin' me mad!Copy !req
841. Whoo! Listen at him cuss and shout.
Just like on TV!Copy !req
842. You're just a kid
playin' at bein' a cowboy.Copy !req
843. You ain't never
gonna grow up!Copy !req
844. You use me as your mistress. You use
that damn Dulcie Mae as your in-town wife.Copy !req
845. You even use that boy so you can play
weekend daddy! Leave that boy out of it!Copy !req
846. You're playin'. You're just a big,
overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man!Copy !req
847. I don't have to listen
to this shit. I'm the law.Copy !req
848. If I choose to, I'll close this
place down 'til hell freezes over.Copy !req
849. Don't you threaten me. I'm tellin'
the truth, and you know it!Copy !req
850. And all of your big dreams
of goin' to the legislature.Copy !req
851. They're just dreams, 'cause you ain't never
gonna be no more than you are right now:Copy !req
852. a chicken-shit sheriff
in a chicken-shit town.Copy !req
853. You may be right.Copy !req
854. It's a hell of a lot better
than bein' a whore.Copy !req
855. Legalized prostitution,
pro or con, is in the news today.Copy !req
856. For a report, here
is Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas.Copy !req
857. The Chicken Ranch, the legendary.
long-running bawdy, house,Copy !req
858. is showing little activity after the
disclosure of the Thanksgiving night raid.Copy !req
859. Get a way! The deputy keeps away on-lookers
and potential customers,Copy !req
860. while up at the house, the doors are
closed and the principals are not talkingCopy !req
861. The sheriff of Gilbert, Ed Earl Dodd,
refused interviews.'Copy !req
862. while the man who
launched the campaign,Copy !req
863. consumer advocate Melvin P. Thorpe,
held a press conference this afternoon.Copy !req
864. I have a report here that says
that the Chicken Ranch...Copy !req
865. is involved with and under the
influence of organized crime.Copy !req
866. I myself am gonna take this report to Austin
in the hopes that the governor himself..Copy !req
867. Will come out of his long silence
on this issue and uphold the law.Copy !req
868. And... Thank you.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
869. The governor made no statement,Copy !req
870. but Senator Charles Wingwood, who was a
principal figure in the Watchdog news raid,Copy !req
871. also held a press conference
explaining his involvementCopy !req
872. I have no independent recollection
of going to the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
873. I can only say, as the most dedicated
anti-communist in the state legislature,Copy !req
874. that I must have been drugged by
communists or communist sympathizers...Copy !req
875. and placed there to harm
my reputation and good name.Copy !req
876. Reaction across the state
is split 50-50.Copy !req
877. But here in Gilbert, the Chicken
Ranch has many supporters.Copy !req
878. I ain't never seen anything bad come out
of there yet, and I've lived here all my life.Copy !req
879. Why, they attract a lot of
business to the community.Copy !req
880. They pay their taxes...
ha... just like you and me!Copy !req
881. No one. No one was ever
forced to go up there.Copy !req
882. My Frank, when he was alive, used
to go up there every Saturday.Copy !req
883. I took it as a blessin'. Of course,
things were different then.Copy !req
884. Now a days women enjoy doin'
that sort of thing themselves.Copy !req
885. At least, so I've been told.Copy !req
886. The Chicken Ranch?
I think it's a good idea.Copy !req
887. See, you take young boys and
they're gonna be lookin' for women.Copy !req
888. If they can't find 'em,
they'll rape 'em.Copy !req
889. And if they don't, they'll run
to other women and get diseases!Copy !req
890. Those girls went to doctors.Copy !req
891. Although petitions are being
circulated to save the Chicken Ranch,Copy !req
892. already this bumper sticker is
beginning to appear around the state.Copy !req
893. And so, as feminists line up behind
decriminalization of prostitution,Copy !req
894. already in the legislature, while
traditionalists and fundamentalists...Copy !req
895. lobby for its defeat, the fate of the
Chicken Ranch rests with the governor,Copy !req
896. who to day again was unavailable
for commentCopy !req
897. Jeff Gerald, ABC News,
Gilbert, Texas.Copy !req
898. Thank you, Jeff If...Copy !req
899. Well, I hate admitting
I was wrong, Miss Mona.Copy !req
900. But with television broadcasting
this from hell to breakfast,Copy !req
901. we should've done what the sheriff
said and kept this place closed.Copy !req
902. It was my fault, Jewel.
It was my decision.Copy !req
903. He ain't gonna be able
to stop it this time, is he?Copy !req
904. No. He'd like to, but
he's out of his league.Copy !req
905. He don't know
how to fight 'em.Copy !req
906. He's just a good old boy
that ain't never gonna grow up.Copy !req
907. Honey, we see everything
in this profession.Copy !req
908. But one thing I ain't never seen,
man nor woman, is a grown-up.Copy !req
909. Don't be too hard on him.
He loves you.Copy !req
910. Well, he ain't
never said it.Copy !req
911. Some men can't
say the words, honey.Copy !req
912. But that don't mean they
don't feel it in their heart.Copy !req
913. Well, It's just as well
anyhow, Jewel.Copy !req
914. I set my course
a long time ago,Copy !req
915. and I can't go changin' now.Copy !req
916. Well, I don't know what to do.
Seems like folks...Copy !req
917. got nothin' else to talk about
but this Chicken Ranch mess.Copy !req
918. Like a broken record: Chicken Ranch,
Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch!Copy !req
919. And all of this bad publicity's
flat ruinin' business.Copy !req
920. I haven't sold a car in a week.
It's ruinin' the town.Copy !req
921. No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl.
It ain't your fault.Copy !req
922. But we can't just sit around
here waitin' to grow tits!Copy !req
923. The way I see it, the Chicken
Ranch served a purpose once.Copy !req
924. But now everything's
openin' up.Copy !req
925. Do you know we are in the
middle of a world wide sexual revolution?Copy !req
926. Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene;
It's just obsolete.Copy !req
927. She ain't got a handful
of supporters left, Ed Earl.Copy !req
928. All this publicity's
makin' folks think twice...Copy !req
929. about signin' that petition
to keep her open!Copy !req
930. Why can't that station
in Houston...Copy !req
931. turn its cameras to the cesspool
in their own backyard?Copy !req
932. And how about Austin? Why, two
blocks from the state capitol,Copy !req
933. you can have anything done to you
for money that you can get in Tangiers!Copy !req
934. Why, there's naked
massages, tongue baths,Copy !req
935. somebody ticklin' your ass
with a feather.Copy !req
936. If you know that for a fact,
Mr. Newspaper Editor,Copy !req
937. it's your duty to expose it!Copy !req
938. Now, you see here, C.J.!Copy !req
939. I don't give a damn if folks
want their ass tickled!Copy !req
940. I kinda like to think that
that's what heaven is all about.Copy !req
941. Boys, I got myself
a pretty good bullshit detector.Copy !req
942. And I can tell when somebody's peein' on
my boots and tellin' me it's a rainstorm.Copy !req
943. Now, this thing's gotten way out of hand.
I don't know how.Copy !req
944. But I figure there's only one
thing left to do. Close it down!Copy !req
945. No. I'm goin' to Austin.Copy !req
946. See the governor, tell him Miss
Mona's side of the situation.Copy !req
947. He sure as hell ain't gonna hear about
it from anybody in this room.Copy !req
948. You can't go up and see the governor!
He don't see anybody!Copy !req
949. He'll see me.Copy !req
950. Feel like the country dog in the city.
If I stand still, they screw me.Copy !req
951. If I run, they bite me in the ass.Copy !req
952. I... I wish...Copy !req
953. there was somethin'
I could do.Copy !req
954. Thank you.Copy !req
955. They want me
to close her down,Copy !req
956. run her out of town.Copy !req
957. How can I ask her to leave, when
all I want her to do is stay?Copy !req
958. Ladies and gentlemen, His
Excellency, the governor of Texas.Copy !req
959. My friends, I want to thank you for
that sincere and heartwarming ovation.Copy !req
960. No questions, please.Copy !req
961. Governor, what do you think
of the crisis in the Middle East?Copy !req
962. I was sayin' at the weekly prayer
breakfast in this historic capitol...Copy !req
963. that it behooves both
the Jews and the Arabs...Copy !req
964. to settle their differences
in a Christian manner.Copy !req
965. But... Governor! Governor...Copy !req
966. Have you seen the evidence of the
disgraceful situation at the Chicken Ranch?Copy !req
967. What the hell did he say? The
same as usual: not a damn thing.Copy !req
968. Governor!
- Yeah.Copy !req
969. Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post.
Hi, Jerry.Copy !req
970. Governor? Do you plan to take action
against the Chicken Ranch?Copy !req
971. Did you get any of that? I hear him
talkin', but he don't come in.Copy !req
972. There he is.
Come on, boys.Copy !req
973. Governor! Governor.Copy !req
974. Melvin P. Thorpe.
Watchdog News.Copy !req
975. Why has the Chicken Ranch operation
been so long ignored?Copy !req
976. We seem to be havin'
some acoustic problems in here.Copy !req
977. Aren't you afraid of possible payoffs
and bribes? Melvin, I'm sorry.Copy !req
978. Enough of this pussy footin', Governor.
What do you intend to do...Copy !req
979. about Miss Mona
and the Chicken Ranch?Copy !req
980. Can you believe that man?Copy !req
981. Was that a yes or a no?
That's a possible maybe.Copy !req
982. Governor? I have
Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert..Copy !req
983. Waiting outside to see you.Copy !req
984. He's been here since early this morning
and is very insistentCopy !req
985. Swearin' Sheriff Dodd?
The one on TV?Copy !req
986. No, no, no, no...
Hi, Sheriff!Copy !req
987. Just talkin' about you.
How are ya?Copy !req
988. Governor. I know I'm
way out of line comin' up here,Copy !req
989. but before you closed down the Chicken
Ranch I wanted you to know all the facts.Copy !req
990. But I haven't made that decision yet!
Good.Copy !req
991. My aides are still workin' on that.
Well, the Chicken...Copy !req
992. The Chicken Ranch has been in
my county since before I was born.Copy !req
993. Its doors have been open to soldiers
and presidents and farmers.Copy !req
994. Even governors who can remember
what a great institution it is.Copy !req
995. No need to bring that up,
Sheriff I ain't threatenin' you.Copy !req
996. Whatever you say, I'm gonna do.
But think of the people.Copy !req
997. I've known Miss Mona for 12 years.
You're never gonna meet a finer woman.Copy !req
998. She never refuses a charity.
The whole town likes her.Copy !req
999. Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool,
even the Little Leaguers.Copy !req
1000. She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't
have to play in their overalls.Copy !req
1001. Well.Copy !req
1002. I wasn't aware
of her civic generosity.Copy !req
1003. But the law is the law!Copy !req
1004. Sometimes it's gotta be changed. I
been fightin' crime all my life,Copy !req
1005. but let's not confuse crime
with committin' a sin.Copy !req
1006. You can't legislate morality. Those girls
have never caused any trouble to anybody.Copy !req
1007. They're healthy, taxpayin',
law-abidin' citizens...Copy !req
1008. who supply a demand and provide an
economic asset to the community.Copy !req
1009. Whew. Ed Earl.Copy !req
1010. You ever think about runnin'
for office? Huh? I swear.Copy !req
1011. You make that whorehouse sound like a
damn nonprofit recreational facility.Copy !req
1012. Governor, if the citizens
who elected me...Copy !req
1013. found it necessary
to close it down,Copy !req
1014. I would close it down.Copy !req
1015. If Miss Mona and the girls that work
for her were jeopardizin' the health,Copy !req
1016. wealth or moral scruples of the community,
I would close it down.Copy !req
1017. If the place was just
a piddlin' nuisance,Copy !req
1018. an eyesore, a fire hazard,
I would close it down!Copy !req
1019. But there's nothin'. No reason
except the goddamn cries...Copy !req
1020. of a muck rakin'
sensationalist on television.Copy !req
1021. Here they are, Governor.
What you've been waitin' for.Copy !req
1022. Aha. I'm sorry,
Ed Earl.Copy !req
1023. But the Chicken Ranch loses,
42 to37, with 21% undecided.Copy !req
1024. What is that? The polls. You
can't expect me to go against the polls.Copy !req
1025. Melvin still outside?
Maybe I can catch the cameras.Copy !req
1026. Good seein' ya.Copy !req
1027. But it's not
what my people want.Copy !req
1028. Show's over, Sheriff
Close it down!Copy !req
1029. Hooray! Aha!Copy !req
1030. I'd love to see
that sheriffs face right now!Copy !req
1031. And Miss Mona,
she's gonna get hers too.Copy !req
1032. Sorry son of a bitch.Copy !req
1033. Hello.Copy !req
1034. Mona, this is an official call.Copy !req
1035. As the sheriff of Lanville
County, it's my duty...Copy !req
1036. Why don't you just get
to the point, Sheriff?Copy !req
1037. I gotta close you down.Copy !req
1038. I see.Copy !req
1039. How long do we have?Copy !req
1040. Be better to do it
as soon as possible.Copy !req
1041. I understand.Copy !req
1042. Mona.Copy !req
1043. About the other night.Copy !req
1044. I lost my temper.Copy !req
1045. I said somethings
I shouldn't have said.Copy !req
1046. I want to apologize.Copy !req
1047. Oh, it's all right,
Ed Earl.Copy !req
1048. I think we both said a whole
lot of things we regret.Copy !req
1049. If there's ever anything
I can do...Copy !req
1050. No, thank you. I think you've
done all you could.Copy !req
1051. I have to tell my girls.Copy !req
1052. Well, the news has come.Copy !req
1053. Just got a call
from the sheriffCopy !req
1054. and we are closed down...Copy !req
1055. immediately and permanently.Copy !req
1056. Oh. What'll we do?Copy !req
1057. Well, Las Vegas,
here I come.Copy !req
1058. Damn! I thought when the sheriff went
to speak to the governor,Copy !req
1059. we'd get a reprieve.Copy !req
1060. What did you say?
Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona?Copy !req
1061. He drove up last night.Copy !req
1062. The whole town's talkin'
about the way he fought for youCopy !req
1063. Didn't he tell you that?Copy !req
1064. No. No, he didn't.Copy !req
1065. So the girls left,Copy !req
1066. and it was a sorry day
for Lanville County.Copy !req
1067. It's kinda like the end
of an era.Copy !req
1068. You know, like when you graduate
from high school?Copy !req
1069. Things are just
never the same again.Copy !req
1070. Ed Earl's up
in the state legislature now,Copy !req
1071. and I became the sheriffCopy !req
1072. I suppose you're wonderin'
what happened to Miss Mona.Copy !req
1073. Well, Ed Earl drove up there
on her last day.Copy !req
1074. Hey, Sheriff.
Good morning, Jewel.Copy !req
1075. I'm so pleased to see ya. I knew you
couldn't let me leave...Copy !req
1076. with outta sweet good-bye for
your old Porky.Copy !req
1077. Good-bye, Jewel.
Good-bye, SheriffCopy !req
1078. I sure hope you come up north to visit
Miss Mona and me. Where is she?Copy !req
1079. Inside.Copy !req
1080. See you're takin' your old juke
with you.Copy !req
1081. You know I couldn't
leave without my bell and my box.Copy !req
1082. Ed Earl?Copy !req
1083. This old place looks
kinda funny, don't it?Copy !req
1084. Ben Sawtuck bought
all my furniture and fixtures,Copy !req
1085. and Langston downtown's
gonna sell the rest.Copy !req
1086. Mona, there's something
I wanna tell you.Copy !req
1087. I want you to thank your boys
for me.Copy !req
1088. Those reporters would have got all out of
hand if it hadn't been for your deputies.Copy !req
1089. Mona, you know me better
than that.Copy !req
1090. Ed Earl, I believe the thing to do is
to put this whole thing behind you...Copy !req
1091. just as quick as you can.Copy !req
1092. I've made a little money, I've
laughed, I've danced to the music.Copy !req
1093. It's just time to pay
the fiddler, that's all.Copy !req
1094. Mona, we've been
together a long time.Copy !req
1095. Sometimes I think you know me
better than I know myselfCopy !req
1096. So you know how hard
this is for me to say.Copy !req
1097. I love you.Copy !req
1098. Will you marry me?Copy !req
1099. Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you
since I was 16 years old.Copy !req
1100. But I've thought about
this for a long time.Copy !req
1101. And as much as I'd
love for it to work,Copy !req
1102. I know deep down in my heart
it ain't never gonna be.Copy !req
1103. Didn't you hear what I said?
I did, darlin'.Copy !req
1104. But it's gonna always be
just like it is.Copy !req
1105. There just ain't no way
in this world it can work.Copy !req
1106. We could make it work.Copy !req
1107. Just have to
give it a chance.Copy !req
1108. I know you're
gonna get your dream.Copy !req
1109. And I know you're gonna do a real
good job in the legislature.Copy !req
1110. But if you was to
marry me... Wait a second.Copy !req
1111. I love you.Copy !req
1112. I don't give a damn
what people say.Copy !req
1113. Jewel! Hold it
right there!Copy !req
1114. What's that, Sheriff?Copy !req
1115. Which one of them
bags is hers?Copy !req
1116. That one.Copy !req
1117. And that one there,
there...Copy !req
1118. Oh, Sheriff!Copy !req
1119. I always knew you'd come through!Copy !req
1120. Oh!Copy !req
1121. Well, that's pretty
darn close to the way it happened.Copy !req
1122. The old watchdog, Melvin P.
Thorpe, got what he wantedCopy !req
1123. Miss Mona married Ed Earl,Copy !req
1124. and they got what they wantedCopy !req
1125. And the people of Texas,
well, they got what they wanted,Copy !req
1126. another legend,
the legend of the Chicken Ranch.Copy !req
1127. Y'all come back now,
ya hear?Copy !req