1. Throw it here.Copy !req
2. Come on, Nelson,
throw it in here!Copy !req
3. Yeah! You almost had it!
I get one more?Copy !req
4. Strike three!Copy !req
5. Here comes Gretchen with the...Copy !req
6. Come on, Gretchen.
Over here.Copy !req
7. Here you go.
There it is.Copy !req
8. Gretchen, you almost had it.Copy !req
9. Dang it.
Nice throw.Copy !req
10. It's all right.
I got a ladder. I'll get it.Copy !req
11. Actually, just tell
Mrs. Donnelly it's on the roof.Copy !req
12. And she can get it
whenever she wants.Copy !req
13. Oh, That's good thinking, Clark.Copy !req
14. I'll just have 80-year-old
Mrs. DonnellyCopy !req
15. climb on her roof
to get her paper.Copy !req
16. Okay, cool. Thanks.Copy !req
17. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Clark. Hey.Copy !req
18. Y... I was kidding.
You can't do that.Copy !req
19. All right, fine.Copy !req
20. Here, give her one of these.Copy !req
21. This is yesterday's paper.Copy !req
22. Well, at least it's
not on the roof.Copy !req
23. Clark, don't pick your nose
in front of me, please.Copy !req
24. I'm not picking,
I'm scratching.Copy !req
25. What are you scratching,
your brain?Copy !req
26. Yeah, because it's huge.Copy !req
27. Aw! Chain break!
Not now.Copy !req
28. I have 86 houses left.Copy !req
29. Can you fix it?Copy !req
30. Gus, what should I do
with this?Copy !req
31. Uh, I'd flick it.Copy !req
32. Nelson leans
in and gets his sign.Copy !req
33. Here comes a fastball.Copy !req
34. Swing and a huge missCopy !req
35. by Gretchen Peterson.Copy !req
36. Hey, losers.Copy !req
37. We have a practice
scheduled here.Copy !req
38. You gotta go.Copy !req
39. I thought your practice
was at 4:30.Copy !req
40. It is. But we wanna have
a practice before our practice.Copy !req
41. Oh, okay.Copy !req
42. Can we hit with you?Copy !req
43. No, you suck.Copy !req
44. Why don't you go home andCopy !req
45. build your science projects.Copy !req
46. Look, there's room
for all of us.Copy !req
47. W-we'll just play catch
off to the side.Copy !req
48. Listen.Copy !req
49. We have a game tomorrow,Copy !req
50. and there's only one field
to practice on.Copy !req
51. So... beat it!Copy !req
52. Maybe this is a sign
you should get a car.Copy !req
53. My mother said
I should hold offCopy !req
54. getting my license
for one more year.Copy !req
55. You know...Copy !req
56. just to make sure my reflexes
are fully developed.Copy !req
57. Stop it!
Hold him, Kyle.Copy !req
58. Troy, I think he wants some of
your famous beef stew.Copy !req
59. - Beef stew! Beef stew!
- Stop it!Copy !req
60. Beef stew! Beef stew!
Beef stew! Beef stew!Copy !req
61. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
62. No. Stop it.Copy !req
63. Oh!Copy !req
64. Hey!
Get off him!Copy !req
65. Later, fart face.Copy !req
66. Yeah, you'd better run.Copy !req
67. You all right?Copy !req
68. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
69. Do you need us to call
your parents or something?Copy !req
70. It actually...Copy !req
71. didn't taste as bad
as you'd think.Copy !req
72. Nelson, wait!
Let's just go to my house!Copy !req
73. Oh, I love beef stew.Copy !req
74. Why do kids have to be
so fricking cruel?Copy !req
75. You know, I haven't been
on an actual fieldCopy !req
76. in almost 20 years.Copy !req
77. I've never even been on a field.Copy !req
78. If I tried, the kids
in my neighborhoodCopy !req
79. would spit loogies
on my forehead.Copy !req
80. That's awful, Clark.Copy !req
81. Baseball's America's pastime.Copy !req
82. That's like saying
you've never had apple pie.Copy !req
83. You've never had apple pie?Copy !req
84. Well, my mom said
it would give me diarrhea.Copy !req
85. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
86. You have to try it
at least once.Copy !req
87. Diarrhea?Copy !req
88. No. Baseball.
It's the best.Copy !req
89. Hey. Let's come back here
later and hit some balls.Copy !req
90. Uh. Can I bring
Richie?Copy !req
91. He's never played either.Copy !req
92. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
bring Richie. Let's say 4:00.Copy !req
93. All right.Copy !req
94. Hold on.Copy !req
95. My mom's sending me
a text message.Copy !req
96. No way!Copy !req
97. We're having macaroni tonight!Copy !req
98. That means garlic bread.
Yes!Copy !req
99. Awesome.Copy !req
100. Excuse me.Copy !req
101. Yeah?Copy !req
102. I rented this movie
on your recommendation,Copy !req
103. and it's nothing but a lame
story with lesbian sex scenes.Copy !req
104. And you didn't like it?Copy !req
105. I watched it with my parents.
It was very uncomfortable.Copy !req
106. Come on. It's kind of hot.Copy !req
107. No, it's not.Copy !req
108. All right, I'm sorry.Copy !req
109. I'm gonna recommend this:
Haunted Slumber Party.Copy !req
110. It's actually
a pretty decent film.Copy !req
111. No lesbian sex scenes?Copy !req
112. I think there's two.
You're a pig.Copy !req
113. Hey, Richie, are you off yet?Copy !req
114. Uh, easy. I can't leave
this second, Clark, all right.Copy !req
115. I don't get to work
for an hour a dayCopy !req
116. like you, paperboy.Copy !req
117. Gus wants us to hit
some baseballs with him.Copy !req
118. Clark, we don't play baseball.Copy !req
119. I told Gus we'd
be there, Richie.Copy !req
120. And if we don't go,
that makes me a liar.Copy !req
121. And that's not what I'm about.Copy !req
122. Not now, not ever.Copy !req
123. All right, Daytime Emmy.Copy !req
124. Hey, Marty, I'm gonna
split early, all right?Copy !req
125. I don't even know who you are.Copy !req
126. Bros before ho's, dude.Copy !req
127. Hey, Liz, honey,Copy !req
128. do you know where I packed
my baseball mitt?Copy !req
129. No idea.Copy !req
130. Hey, Gus, if we conceive
this month,Copy !req
131. we would have the baby
in January.Copy !req
132. Wouldn't it be fun to have
a New Year's baby?Copy !req
133. I can't find it.Copy !req
134. January also has a higher
percentage of it being a girl.Copy !req
135. I found it.Copy !req
136. I found it.Copy !req
137. I found my mitt, Liz.
It was in the old trunk.Copy !req
138. Be serious.
This is important.Copy !req
139. My ovulation peaks
at 6:00 tonight.Copy !req
140. All right, honey. I love you.
I'll see you later.Copy !req
141. I gotta run.
Remember, Gus, 6:00.Copy !req
142. Ahh.Copy !req
143. You gotta keep your eye
on the ball.Copy !req
144. Oh, you just think of that?
You're an amazing coach.Copy !req
145. Just focus.Copy !req
146. You'll be fine.
Just watch me.Copy !req
147. With this vest,
it's hard to swing.Copy !req
148. It's tight, you know.Copy !req
149. Quit picking your nose, Clark.Copy !req
150. Let's go.Copy !req
151. Look alive!
Coming to you.Copy !req
152. Ow.Copy !req
153. You just lost your membership
at Video Spot!Copy !req
154. Dang it.Copy !req
155. Hey, mister. We have
this field reserved.Copy !req
156. You and your friend
were the onesCopy !req
157. picking on that kid today.Copy !req
158. So? You douche bags
have to get off this field.Copy !req
159. Where's your coach?Copy !req
160. None of your business.Copy !req
161. We have practice here,Copy !req
162. so go, ho!Copy !req
163. Hey, well, no coach,
no field. Sorry.Copy !req
164. Leave our field, or you'll
pay the consequences!Copy !req
165. What is this,
Children of the Corn?Copy !req
166. I... I'm gonna call the cops.Copy !req
167. We are cops.
We're Navy SEALs.Copy !req
168. Navy SEALs aren't cops.
Aren't you our paperboy?Copy !req
169. I'm undercover.Copy !req
170. All right, you cocky jerks,
you want the field so bad?Copy !req
171. We'll play you for it.Copy !req
172. But there are nine of usCopy !req
173. and three of you.Copy !req
174. So you should beat us
no problem.Copy !req
175. What are you, scared?
No.Copy !req
176. Yeah, chicken.Copy !req
177. I'm gonna go ask our team.Copy !req
178. This is a bad idea.
They look tough.Copy !req
179. I saw that demon boy laying beefCopy !req
180. in some nice kid's
mouth earlier today.Copy !req
181. Heh-heh. Clark used to
get beefCopy !req
182. laid in his face all the time.Copy !req
183. Oh, and you didn't?Copy !req
184. I got wedgies.
That's different.Copy !req
185. It's cooler.Copy !req
186. We'll do it.Copy !req
187. Time to meet your makers.Copy !req
188. Makers of what?
Poop?Copy !req
189. Coming down!Copy !req
190. Ball's in.Copy !req
191. Don't worry, you'll be fine.Copy !req
192. Get your position down.Copy !req
193. Troy, strike this loser out.Copy !req
194. - Strike!
- Nice one, Troy.Copy !req
195. Don't swing if it's not
in the strike zone.Copy !req
196. Where's the strike zone?Copy !req
197. Strike two!Copy !req
198. - Right there.
- Nice. Two strikes.Copy !req
199. Strike.
Three, you're out!Copy !req
200. - Three.
- What did you expect? Yeah.Copy !req
201. - Pfft.
- What a loser.Copy !req
202. Sit down, spaz.Copy !req
203. That kid's throwing heat.Copy !req
204. Heat, schmeat.Copy !req
205. One out!
Gonna be two outs!Copy !req
206. Hey, I bet you're
a real good catcher.Copy !req
207. Of doughnuts, in your mouth.Copy !req
208. Strike!Copy !req
209. Don't chop at it.
It's not a sword.Copy !req
210. You're not a sword.Copy !req
211. Come on. Heave.
Strike two.Copy !req
212. Oh, that's ugly, man.Copy !req
213. Strike out, video boy.Copy !req
214. Come on now.Copy !req
215. Strike three!Copy !req
216. What?Copy !req
217. I caught it.
You're out.Copy !req
218. But I ticked it.
It hit the bat.Copy !req
219. You're still out.Copy !req
220. You're still fat.
I ticked it!Copy !req
221. Whoa, I ticked it.
Gus, you see that?Copy !req
222. Way to make contact
on that one.Copy !req
223. Oh, yeah.
You know what?Copy !req
224. I was trying to get under it
to rip it into leftCopy !req
225. and to throw them off,Copy !req
226. but the dog barking threw me.Copy !req
227. What dog?
He's gone. He ran into the bushes.Copy !req
228. It's cool now. All right,
go, go, Gus. Come on!Copy !req
229. Let's get rid of these dogs.Copy !req
230. - Strike him out quick.
- Get this guy out.Copy !req
231. Move in.Copy !req
232. You're going down, shorty.Copy !req
233. - Guy's got nothing.
- Give him a fast one.Copy !req
234. Ho!
All right, Gus! Awesome!Copy !req
235. All right!
Yeah!Copy !req
236. Whoa.Copy !req
237. Way to stretch him.Copy !req
238. Woo! Yeah!Copy !req
239. He just did that steroid-free.
What's steroids?Copy !req
240. Something that makes
your pee-pee smaller.Copy !req
241. There must be steroids
in macaroni.Copy !req
242. Let's go.Copy !req
243. Nice!Copy !req
244. He got a lucky hit.Copy !req
245. - Here we go.
- Batter up.Copy !req
246. Batter up!Copy !req
247. Ah.Copy !req
248. Ho-ho.
- Strike!Copy !req
249. Ow! Not so fast.Copy !req
250. You're supposed to catch it
with your glove, not your face.Copy !req
251. Ya-yeah!Copy !req
252. I don't need lip from you,
son of Satan.Copy !req
253. - We're still in the thing.
- It's okay. Next time.Copy !req
254. Yeah.Copy !req
255. You're out!Copy !req
256. You're out!Copy !req
257. Strike three, you're out!Copy !req
258. Come on, Troy, he can't hit you.
Come on.Copy !req
259. Yes!
Yeah, Gu...! Are you okay?Copy !req
260. No way!Copy !req
261. - It's over!
- Yes!Copy !req
262. Yah!
Three, you're out!Copy !req
263. Gus. Sorry.
Shoot.Copy !req
264. Get another homer for us, Gus.Copy !req
265. Yeah, smack it in the butt.Copy !req
266. Whatever that means.Copy !req
267. Nah, I'm gonna keep
this one in play.Copy !req
268. Give the infield a workout.
It's 17-0.Copy !req
269. What an idiot.Copy !req
270. Come on, Troy.
Destroy him!Copy !req
271. Strike him out.
Strike this loser...Copy !req
272. Come on, Kyle, are you okay?Copy !req
273. - What happened?
- Get up.Copy !req
274. Hey, get him up.Copy !req
275. Ball's still alive, chumps.Copy !req
276. Dude, he's gonna score.Copy !req
277. Should somebody call 411?Copy !req
278. No, he's fine.Copy !req
279. He got the wind
knocked out of him.Copy !req
280. What's that noise?Copy !req
281. Get him!Copy !req
282. I think he just got the windCopy !req
283. knocked back into him.Copy !req
284. Gus, why didn't you play
in high school?Copy !req
285. You're incredible.Copy !req
286. Um, the whole bully thing,
and jocks.Copy !req
287. I just didn't
wanna deal with it.Copy !req
288. Those butts!Copy !req
289. You could've gone
to the Super Bowl.Copy !req
290. Yeah, that's the past.Copy !req
291. Hey, Richie,
where's your brother?Copy !req
292. Howie! Come out here.
The guys are here.Copy !req
293. Is he still dealing
with that agoraphobia?Copy !req
294. Yeah, dude. He hasn't left
the house in six months.Copy !req
295. Hey. There he is.Copy !req
296. - Hey, Howie.
- How's it going, buddy?Copy !req
297. Hey, guys. How did
hitting the balls go?Copy !req
298. We played an actual game
against real people.Copy !req
299. You should have
been there. It was classic.Copy !req
300. All these punk teenagers
are like, "Get off our field."Copy !req
301. And we're like,
"We'll play you for it."Copy !req
302. And we did.
And we beat 'em.Copy !req
303. I hit a foul, dude.
It was sweet.Copy !req
304. Ha-ha.
It was awesome.Copy !req
305. You gotta videotape it
next time, so I can see.Copy !req
306. Buddy, just come with us.Copy !req
307. Huh. No. No.Copy !req
308. It's not that scary.Copy !req
309. And you could use
a little sun. Trust me.Copy !req
310. Outside, bad.
The sun, scary.Copy !req
311. It's not...
He's not my friend.Copy !req
312. He wants to hurt me.
He wants... Safe room.Copy !req
313. I know. Sun, bad.Copy !req
314. Is you cuckoo.
All right.Copy !req
315. You know the best part about
winning a baseball game?Copy !req
316. What's that?
Going to Pizza Hut to celebrate.Copy !req
317. Richie?Copy !req
318. Oh, yeah.
Okay, buddy.Copy !req
319. Ooh, is that apple juice?
No.Copy !req
320. Honestly, you have, uh,
real natural athletic skills.Copy !req
321. You could be a terrific
ballplayer, buddy.Copy !req
322. You know, when you throw it
to me, and I catch it...Copy !req
323. not with my face,
but with the gloveCopy !req
324. Mm-hm.
...I like it.Copy !req
325. I am starting to get the fever.Copy !req
326. Dude, this chick is so hot.Copy !req
327. What's going on?Copy !req
328. Nothing. Just
refilling the bar.Copy !req
329. I love salad.Copy !req
330. Yeah, it's...Copy !req
331. good, and good for you.Copy !req
332. I love salad.Copy !req
333. That was some Barry White shit.Copy !req
334. Very smooth.Copy !req
335. Yeah, I work it when I have to.Copy !req
336. How's "Ms. Pac-Man"
treating you?Copy !req
337. That red ghost
is kicking my balls.Copy !req
338. Yeah, that's them, Uncle Jerry.Copy !req
339. Richie GoodmanCopy !req
340. and Clark Reedy?Copy !req
341. What were you losers doing
on my ball field today?Copy !req
342. - Clark was. I was at home.
- They were with me.Copy !req
343. We were just hitting balls
and having fun.Copy !req
344. These kids showed up,
and we scrimmaged them.Copy !req
345. That is priceless.Copy !req
346. Clork the DorkCopy !req
347. and Richie Bitchy
playing baseball.Copy !req
348. Why is that so funny?Copy !req
349. Because they're retards.Copy !req
350. They should stick
to what they know best:Copy !req
351. boogers and dingleberries.Copy !req
352. You stay away from my field,Copy !req
353. or I'll have my 12-year-old
nephew kick your ass.Copy !req
354. Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.Copy !req
355. What was that?Copy !req
356. Well, you gave Clark
and Richie nicknames.Copy !req
357. I thought I'd give you one.Copy !req
358. Fairy Jerry.Copy !req
359. Oh, really?Copy !req
360. Really.Copy !req
361. Okay, Gus.Copy !req
362. Gus...Copy !req
363. Gus Bus.Copy !req
364. What?Copy !req
365. That's you. Gus Bus.Copy !req
366. Wow, that was
a brutal comeback.Copy !req
367. Let's go, guys.Copy !req
368. I don't think I'll ever
recover from that.Copy !req
369. Man. Whoo!Copy !req
370. You stay off my field.Copy !req
371. Heh. Stay away
from the fairy dust, Jerry.Copy !req
372. Oh.Copy !req
373. "Gus Bus"?
Shut up, Troy.Copy !req
374. It was the coolest, Gus.Copy !req
375. I've never seen anybody
stand up to Jerry like that.Copy !req
376. I knew guys like that
where I grew up.Copy !req
377. They think they can do
whatever they want.Copy !req
378. I just wanted to say
that was great,Copy !req
379. the way you put Jerry McDowell
in his place.Copy !req
380. That was no big deal.Copy !req
381. Well, unfortunately
for all of us...Copy !req
382. Jerry's in charge
of the baseball leagueCopy !req
383. for the entire county.Copy !req
384. Hey.Copy !req
385. Are you the kid that
got farted on earlier?Copy !req
386. Yes. This is
my son, Nelson.Copy !req
387. He's become quite
the fart magnetCopy !req
388. for the neighborhood bullies.Copy !req
389. I also get a healthy smear
of animal turds twice daily.Copy !req
390. When I was your age,Copy !req
391. Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket
of dog poop on me.Copy !req
392. His son just did that
to me last week.Copy !req
393. I tried to talk to
Jerry about it.Copy !req
394. He just laughed
and gave me a titty twister.Copy !req
395. Guys like that don't realize
the damage they're causing.Copy !req
396. I couldn't agree more.Copy !req
397. Yeah.Copy !req
398. Eww!Copy !req
399. Uh, by the way,Copy !req
400. thanks for hitting Kyle WilsonCopy !req
401. in the chest with the ball,Copy !req
402. and then letting me rip one
right in his mouth earlier.Copy !req
403. I-It was one of
the best days of my life.Copy !req
404. This car is so radical.Copy !req
405. Looks just
like K.I.T.T.Copy !req
406. from the show Knight Rider.Copy !req
407. It is K.I.T.T.
from Knight Rider.Copy !req
408. Wh...Copy !req
409. Watch this.Copy !req
410. Allow me
to introduce myself.Copy !req
411. I'm K.I.T.T.Copy !req
412. Who are you?Copy !req
413. Oh...Copy !req
414. I'm just one of those nerds
who grew up...Copy !req
415. to make billions.Copy !req
416. Maybe I'll see you guys around sometime.Copy !req
417. It was a pleasure
to meet you all.Copy !req
418. Easy, Mel.Copy !req
419. Whoa.
Whoa.Copy !req
420. I have yet to perfect
the peel-out.Copy !req
421. It was fine.
No, no, no.
That was cool.Copy !req
422. Bad.
Chicks were checking you out.Copy !req
423. Try not to destroy me
completely, Mel.Copy !req
424. Ah! Ow!Copy !req
425. Hey, honey, I'm home.Copy !req
426. Where have you been?Copy !req
427. I... I was with
Clark and Richie.Copy !req
428. I am on an ovulating schedule.Copy !req
429. You were supposed to be here
at 6:00. Remember?Copy !req
430. I thought you meant
Central Mountain Time.Copy !req
431. Did you mean
Pacific Standard Time?Copy !req
432. Why would you think
I meant that?Copy !req
433. Because you're from Colorado.Copy !req
434. Don't you, um, ovulate
according to where you're born?Copy !req
435. Gus, that's just weird.Copy !req
436. So from now on,Copy !req
437. it's Pacific Standard Time.Copy !req
438. Pacific Standard Time. Okay.Copy !req
439. I'm all over that, baby.
I'm sorry. I love you.Copy !req
440. Check out this mitt.
It's all black.Copy !req
441. I look like a Borack warriorCopy !req
442. from the Captain Mighty series.Copy !req
443. Well, get a load of Mega Mitt.Copy !req
444. Hey! Hey! What the...?Copy !req
445. Watch it.Copy !req
446. Clark? Richie?Copy !req
447. I hardly recognize you clownsCopy !req
448. without the underwear
on your head.Copy !req
449. Brad. Wow,
you have reallyCopy !req
450. not slimmed down.Copy !req
451. Oh. Eat me.Copy !req
452. So I heard from Jerry you tools
think you're athletes now.Copy !req
453. I didn't know "athlete"
had three syllables.Copy !req
454. "A-tha-lete."Copy !req
455. That's "ama-za-zing."Copy !req
456. You think you're hot shit
because you know words.Copy !req
457. Hey, Brad, why don't you
be a studCopy !req
458. and point us toward
the register.Copy !req
459. Or "register-er."Copy !req
460. My team practices today at 5.Copy !req
461. Swingby if you she-men
wanna lose.Copy !req
462. Ho-ho-ho. You can't
handle the truth!Copy !req
463. Bring it!
Suck it!Copy !req
464. Oh.Copy !req
465. Gus!Copy !req
466. Gus!Copy !req
467. He can't hear us.Copy !req
468. Oh! Gah!Copy !req
469. Ow. Ah.Copy !req
470. Hey, fellas.Copy !req
471. You okay, Richie?Copy !req
472. Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
473. Just... purple nuts.Copy !req
474. Gus. we just had a run-in
with one of our old bulliesCopy !req
475. over at the sporting
goods store.Copy !req
476. What happened?
He said we're still wussies,Copy !req
477. and he challenged
the three of us to a game.Copy !req
478. Don't know if
you can leave work.Copy !req
479. Course I can leave work.Copy !req
480. I'll mow this lawn later.
Let's take this guy down.Copy !req
481. I think I'm gonna puke.
Grab my arm.Copy !req
482. Bobby, this one's
coming for you.Copy !req
483. Focus and give us
a double play now.Copy !req
484. Let's go.
Turn two.Copy !req
485. Thattaway. Good job.Copy !req
486. Well, looks like
the Three Muske-queersCopy !req
487. decided to show up.Copy !req
488. Everybody, get your
butts in here.Copy !req
489. It's time for us
to scrimmage some losers.Copy !req
490. Yeah, we got
a "scrim-im-age ."Copy !req
491. Come on.Copy !req
492. Durrr.Copy !req
493. How the hell will this work
with three guys?Copy !req
494. We got a pitcher,
a catcher and a fielder.Copy !req
495. No, you've got
a retarded paperboy,Copy !req
496. a gay video clerkCopy !req
497. and a smelly midget.Copy !req
498. You wanna dance?
I'll dance on your face.Copy !req
499. Dance? We'll beat
your ass.Copy !req
500. Death to you.
Titty twister!Copy !req
501. My wife's the only one who'll
get to twist these man-titties.Copy !req
502. I just know you guys better...Copy !req
503. Better come ready to play!Copy !req
504. Gus is the new Jet Li.Copy !req
505. Bring it on!Copy !req
506. Hey, Dad, come down
to the field, quick.Copy !req
507. Ow!
Strike one!Copy !req
508. Ow!
Strike two!Copy !req
509. Strike three!Copy !req
510. Hey!
What? It slipped.Copy !req
511. Strike three!Copy !req
512. Hey!
What are you laughing at?Copy !req
513. He told me a joke.Copy !req
514. Let's go, Richie!
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
515. Hey, Dad,
come here. Look.Copy !req
516. You might wanna throw a fielderCopy !req
517. up in those mountains,
in case...Copy !req
518. ka-bang.Copy !req
519. What you got?
Strike!Copy !req
520. Pulled something.
Used to run track.Copy !req
521. Come on, Richie.Copy !req
522. Strike two!Copy !req
523. Nah, I didn't swing at that.Copy !req
524. Can't count it.Copy !req
525. Strike three!Copy !req
526. Could you tell him
to slow it down?Copy !req
527. Did you tell him?Copy !req
528. Ah!Copy !req
529. Here you go, Clark.
Thanks, Nelson.Copy !req
530. You're welcome.Copy !req
531. Whoa!Copy !req
532. Home run!Copy !req
533. Yeah!Copy !req
534. Yeah!Copy !req
535. Yeah! Did you see that?Copy !req
536. All right, you hit another homer!
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
537. Howie! He just hit
a home run!Copy !req
538. Whoo! Whoa!Copy !req
539. Strike one! Strike two!
Strike three!Copy !req
540. Can I get you a tennis racket?!Copy !req
541. No!Copy !req
542. Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo.Copy !req
543. Great game.Copy !req
544. Hey, thanks, Mel.Copy !req
545. Say, guys,Copy !req
546. I have this sensational idea
I wanna run by you.Copy !req
547. Ar-are you free
for lunch tomorrow?Copy !req
548. Uh, you know,Copy !req
549. I usually take lunch
from 12 to 4:30,Copy !req
550. so if it's in there
I could handle it.Copy !req
551. Tomorrow is egg salad day,Copy !req
552. but... I guess I could
double up on lunch.Copy !req
553. Gus, what do you think?Copy !req
554. One sounds good.
Great.Copy !req
555. I'm at 501 Shmegmer Street.Copy !req
556. See you then.Copy !req
557. See you, Nelson.
Bye.Copy !req
558. See you, Nelson.
Bye, guys.Copy !req
559. What do you think it's about?Copy !req
560. Dude, you're in trouble.Copy !req
561. Hey.
No way.Copy !req
562. You're definitely busted.Copy !req
563. I didn't do anything.
I swear!Copy !req
564. Huh. Ugh!Copy !req
565. - Whoa!
- This is it?Copy !req
566. I always wondered
who lived here.Copy !req
567. I just thought it was
Clay Aiken or something.Copy !req
568. Who goes there?Copy !req
569. Ha!
That is so cool!Copy !req
570. Hey, it's Gus, Clark and Richie.
We're here to see Mel.Copy !req
571. You may enter.Copy !req
572. Thanks, Darth.Copy !req
573. "Thanks, Darth."Copy !req
574. This place is sick, yo.Copy !req
575. This house must cost
a zillion dollars.Copy !req
576. Two zillion, actually.Copy !req
577. Hey, Mel.Copy !req
578. This place is incredible.Copy !req
579. Thank you, Gus.Copy !req
580. Gentlemen, welcome to
Chateau Shmegmer.Copy !req
581. Shall we adjourn to
the food quarters?Copy !req
582. Gentlemen...Copy !req
583. make yourselves at home.
Whoa.Copy !req
584. Yoda. R2!Copy !req
585. Number 7.Copy !req
586. Lunch is ready when you are,
Mr. Carmichael.Copy !req
587. Hey, Number 7.Copy !req
588. Don't touch me!Copy !req
589. Gentlemen, let's eat.Copy !req
590. Sit wherever you please.Copy !req
591. Gentlemen, order any
kind of sandwich you'd like.Copy !req
592. Number 7, thank you.Copy !req
593. I'll have
a peanut-butter-and-jellyCopy !req
594. sandwich...
with mayonnaise.Copy !req
595. Ta-da!Copy !req
596. Whoa.Copy !req
597. Can I have tuna fish
and Skittles...Copy !req
598. and pudding skin on wheat,Copy !req
599. with the crust cut off?Copy !req
600. I guess so.Copy !req
601. That was radical.Copy !req
602. All right, I got a crazy one
for you, Number 7.Copy !req
603. I'd like a turkey on white...Copy !req
604. Oh.Copy !req
605. He's good.Copy !req
606. So, what's on your mind, Mel?Copy !req
607. Gentlemen, it is timeCopy !req
608. we brought this cause
into the public eye.Copy !req
609. What cause?Copy !req
610. The cause of the benchwarmers.Copy !req
611. The kids who warm the bench,Copy !req
612. while the others get to playCopy !req
613. and have all the fun.Copy !req
614. Now, all of us here
in this roomCopy !req
615. have been excluded
from athletic activities.Copy !req
616. And now our kids are going
through the same tomfoolery.Copy !req
617. N-now, Richie,
do you have any kids?Copy !req
618. Never had a date.Copy !req
619. Clark?Copy !req
620. Never spoke to a girl.Copy !req
621. Gu...Copy !req
622. Gus?Copy !req
623. Uh, my wife and I are
kind of working on it.Copy !req
624. Well...Copy !req
625. when you do have them...Copy !req
626. you will know how painful
it is to see them sad.Copy !req
627. Bonjour, dudes.Copy !req
628. Hey, Nelson.
Hey, Nelson.Copy !req
629. How's it going?
There's my man.Copy !req
630. Son.
Yes.Copy !req
631. You, uh... You have
a little smearCopy !req
632. of something on your cheek.Copy !req
633. From a dog or a cat?Copy !req
634. I think it's a goat.Copy !req
635. Number 7,
some assistance, please.Copy !req
636. Thanks, Number 7.
You're my best friend.Copy !req
637. As you are mine, Nelson.Copy !req
638. That's so cool.Copy !req
639. Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
640. Now, this is why I wanna startCopy !req
641. a round-robin
tournamentCopy !req
642. with you three incredible men
playing against allCopy !req
643. the notoriously mean-spirited
teams of the state.Copy !req
644. But why us three?Copy !req
645. Because you know what it
feels like to be left out.Copy !req
646. You're three grown men who never
got to play baseballCopy !req
647. because you were weird and
smelled, and sat when you peed.Copy !req
648. Okay, the last one was just me.Copy !req
649. But you get my point.Copy !req
650. But why would any of these teams
agree to playCopy !req
651. in this tournament?Copy !req
652. Ah...Copy !req
653. For the prize.Copy !req
654. Whoa.Copy !req
655. Whoa.Copy !req
656. It's incredible.Copy !req
657. An official-size
stadium, modeled to scale,Copy !req
658. after all the greatest
ballparks in America.Copy !req
659. It's like Wrigley, Fenway
and Yankee Stadium.Copy !req
660. Nelson and his buddiesCopy !req
661. have set up several
websites devoted to your team.Copy !req
662. You can go on Nerdly.net,
TheBenchwarmers.org,Copy !req
663. or Please-stop-with-the-shit-
tossing-it's-getting-old.com.Copy !req
664. Mel, w-why don't you
just build a stadiumCopy !req
665. for Nelson and his buddies,Copy !req
666. and keep everybody else out?Copy !req
667. Because, Richie,
that won't solve anything.Copy !req
668. Yeah, Clark.Copy !req
669. If we can beat them
at their own game,Copy !req
670. then kids like Nelson and
his buddies will get respect.Copy !req
671. We'll do it.Copy !req
672. Come on.Copy !req
673. Benchwarmers on three.Copy !req
674. One, two, three.Copy !req
675. Benchwarmers!Copy !req
676. Excuse me, can I get a napkin?Copy !req
677. I spilled my ice cream.Copy !req
678. On the counter.Copy !req
679. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
680. Are you Gus Matthews?
Eh. Ooh. Uh.Copy !req
681. Sorry. I spit a lot
when I speak.Copy !req
682. The people despise me for it.Copy !req
683. Uh, people spit.Copy !req
684. I mean, I... I spit
when I talk sometimes too, you know?Copy !req
685. My name is Sammy.
They call me Sammy Sprinkler.Copy !req
686. Pleased to meet you, Sammy.Copy !req
687. I'm Gus.
Gus Bus.Copy !req
688. Hey, if I come to a game,Copy !req
689. can I be your scorekeeper
and statistician?Copy !req
690. Certainly.Copy !req
691. Yes!Copy !req
692. All right.
See you later, Sammy.Copy !req
693. You're the man, Gus.
Peace out.Copy !req
694. All right.Copy !req
695. Who was that boy?Copy !req
696. Oh, I'm just seeingCopy !req
697. if he might be interestedCopy !req
698. in babysitting our triplets
in a year or so.Copy !req
699. Why are you spitting on me?Copy !req
700. Oh, I'm sorry, honey.Copy !req
701. This is idiotic.Copy !req
702. Are these guys serious about
this benchwarmer crap?Copy !req
703. It sounds like it.Copy !req
704. I'm not playing
in this stinking thing.Copy !req
705. Guys, if there weren't
nerds in the world,Copy !req
706. who would we throw crap at?Copy !req
707. No doubt.Copy !req
708. But what if we don't play,Copy !req
709. and they win it?Copy !req
710. They'll probably build
some weird nerd spaceshipCopy !req
711. and fly it to...
To Planet Booger or something.Copy !req
712. I don't know.Copy !req
713. Now, guys,Copy !req
714. it's one-game
elimination.Copy !req
715. They're as good as done.Copy !req
716. You know what?
You're right.Copy !req
717. Let's strap it on,
and beat these three geeks,Copy !req
718. and win us a new stadium.Copy !req
719. Let's get it on!Copy !req
720. Dude, this green one is sweet.Copy !req
721. Oh, all right.
Okay.Copy !req
722. Whoa.Copy !req
723. We have a crowd, you guys.Copy !req
724. Excellent!Copy !req
725. Holy crap. What is
she doing here?Copy !req
726. Who is it?Copy !req
727. It's that salad chick
from Pizza Hut.Copy !req
728. She's so hot, it's sick.Copy !req
729. Hey, she's with me.Copy !req
730. You wish.Copy !req
731. Good afternoon, gentlemen.Copy !req
732. How you feeling?Copy !req
733. I just destroyed
that Porta-Potty,Copy !req
734. but I'm feeling better.Copy !req
735. Who did this?Copy !req
736. Ew.
Ew.Copy !req
737. Sorry!Copy !req
738. Oh.
Listen.Copy !req
739. I got a gift for you.Copy !req
740. Whoa!Copy !req
741. Never had my own
uniform before.Copy !req
742. Well, we can't have a team
without uniforms, right?Copy !req
743. I'm never taking this off.Copy !req
744. This is the coolest thing ever.Copy !req
745. This is the first game
of the tournament.Copy !req
746. Now, let's go
out there styling.Copy !req
747. Yeah!Copy !req
748. Nelson, you showedCopy !req
749. some serious
bat-retrievingCopy !req
750. skills last game.Copy !req
751. What do you say about beingCopy !req
752. "the Benchwarmer"
official batboy?Copy !req
753. Uh... I...Copy !req
754. I...Copy !req
755. That means yes!Copy !req
756. All right!
All right.Copy !req
757. What are we waiting for?Copy !req
758. Let's kick some hairless ass!Copy !req
759. I had hair on my ass
before I could walk.Copy !req
760. This is it, kids.Copy !req
761. The Benchwarmers' quest
for a stadiumCopy !req
762. is about to begin.Copy !req
763. Karl's!Copy !req
764. Karl's Auto
Body, the bad guys,Copy !req
765. have just taken the fieldCopy !req
766. in our exclusive
internet podcastCopy !req
767. of Benchwarmers baseball.Copy !req
768. First to bat, Richie Goodman.Copy !req
769. Fingers crossed.Copy !req
770. Come on, Richie.Copy !req
771. Easy out here.
Let's go.Copy !req
772. The pitcher pitches...Copy !req
773. Strike!Copy !req
774. I ticked it.Copy !req
775. I ticked it again.Copy !req
776. Strike!Copy !req
777. Ha-ha.Copy !req
778. Nice try, son.Copy !req
779. Whoo! Just fouled two in a row
in front of salad girl.Copy !req
780. Nice.Copy !req
781. Next up to bat...Copy !req
782. Clark Reedy.Copy !req
783. All right, Clark.
Here we go. You're the man.Copy !req
784. Those squirrels
are definitely out.Copy !req
785. Oh!Copy !req
786. Oh.Copy !req
787. That's my Miata!
Kill him!Copy !req
788. Hey, break it up!Copy !req
789. Why is this happening?Copy !req
790. Come on! Snap his femur!Copy !req
791. Richie! Help me!Copy !req
792. Help me!Copy !req
793. Mommy! Uh-huh-huh!Copy !req
794. Come on, Gus.Copy !req
795. We need it.Copy !req
796. You can do it.Copy !req
797. Big hitter.
Big hitter.Copy !req
798. Ho, ho! Ho!Copy !req
799. Home run!Copy !req
800. Yeah!
Yahoo!Copy !req
801. Strike!Copy !req
802. Strike!Copy !req
803. Another one!Copy !req
804. Oh, my God!Copy !req
805. Strike!Copy !req
806. Strike!Copy !req
807. Oh.Copy !req
808. Gus Bus! Gus Bus! Gus Bus!Copy !req
809. Gus Bus! Gus Bus!
Gus bus!Copy !req
810. This can't just be about me.Copy !req
811. I gotta get these guys
more involved.Copy !req
812. Look alive, Clark!Copy !req
813. I wanna go home.Copy !req
814. No. We need you,
buddy.Copy !req
815. No, you don't.
I'm awful.Copy !req
816. Come on, now.Copy !req
817. Let's go, Tommy!Copy !req
818. This one's coming
right to you, Clark.Copy !req
819. It's up! Clark!
Clark!Copy !req
820. Clark, look out!Copy !req
821. Attaboy! Good job!Copy !req
822. All right.
Good throw!Copy !req
823. Use your mitt, son,
not your head!Copy !req
824. Hm?Copy !req
825. Get it in here, pal!
Get it in here.Copy !req
826. Hold, hold, hold, hold.
Good job.Copy !req
827. Hey, Gus. Come on.
Let's end this.Copy !req
828. Two outs. Strike this kid out,
like before.Copy !req
829. A home run
here would tie it up,Copy !req
830. and could knock the Benchwarmers
out of the tournament.Copy !req
831. There we go! Nice!
Go! Run!Copy !req
832. Make the play, Clark!Copy !req
833. Clark, go!Copy !req
834. Ah!Copy !req
835. Pick up the ball!Copy !req
836. Run! Go!Copy !req
837. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
838. Hey.Copy !req
839. Richie! Incoming!Copy !req
840. What did you say?
Ho!Copy !req
841. There we go! Nice! Go!Copy !req
842. Richie, get the ball!Copy !req
843. The ball?Copy !req
844. Ho!Copy !req
845. Behind you!Copy !req
846. You're out!Copy !req
847. Yeah!Copy !req
848. What are you doing?!Copy !req
849. Yes!Copy !req
850. Hey.Copy !req
851. Ah!Copy !req
852. I'm sorry, honey.
We had another game today,Copy !req
853. And I... I pulled a muscle
sliding into second base.Copy !req
854. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
855. It's all right, I was safe.Copy !req
856. Gus. We're trying
to start a family.Copy !req
857. I can't do it by myself.Copy !req
858. Well, I would hope not, uh,Copy !req
859. because that would make you
a hermaphrodite.Copy !req
860. We don't want that.Copy !req
861. I'm glad this is a big joke to you.
What?Copy !req
862. Honey, I was just
having a little fun.Copy !req
863. Come on. Don't go.Copy !req
864. Gentlemen, yesterday's
performance was phenomenal.Copy !req
865. All the online chat roomsCopy !req
866. are exploding with enthusiasm.Copy !req
867. Hey, Mel.Copy !req
868. Why aren't we out
practicing on the field?Copy !req
869. Well...Copy !req
870. I thought we could have
kind of a secret practice.Copy !req
871. Maybe become more
well-rounded as a unit.Copy !req
872. Nothing much.Copy !req
873. Hitting, running,
throwing, catching.Copy !req
874. Yeah, Clark.Copy !req
875. Ha, ha, ha.
I heard you stunk.Copy !req
876. Shut up, Number 7.Copy !req
877. You shut up.Copy !req
878. I'll kill you.Copy !req
879. I want you guys to meet
an old friend of mine,Copy !req
880. who knows a thing or two
about baseball.Copy !req
881. Ready when you are, buddy!Copy !req
882. Is that Mr. T?Copy !req
883. Dude, it's
Dr. Dre.Copy !req
884. No, no.Copy !req
885. That's ReggieJackson.Copy !req
886. Yeah, no. I don't know.Copy !req
887. Mr. October! Five hundred
and sixty-three home runs.Copy !req
888. Twice World Series MVP,Copy !req
889. where he spanked
four consecutive home runs.Copy !req
890. Three of them on three pitches.Copy !req
891. Reggie bar and I met at
tuba camp when we were kids.Copy !req
892. Ho-ho. Look at that.Copy !req
893. No. No way.Copy !req
894. That's you, Reggie?Copy !req
895. Why is that so funny?Copy !req
896. I was a cute kid.Copy !req
897. Oh. Absolutely.Copy !req
898. Uh... You're like
a young Denzel. I mean...Copy !req
899. I didn't know Denzel played Urkel.Copy !req
900. Reginator and I went through
some tough times togetherCopy !req
901. with bullies and
being picked on, and whatnot.Copy !req
902. I can't stand that stuff.Copy !req
903. Drives me crazy!Copy !req
904. Oh.
Crazy!Copy !req
905. Easy, buddy.
Easy.Copy !req
906. Anyway, I told
Reggie-Reggie-Oxen-FreeCopy !req
907. we're having problems
with our fundamentals,Copy !req
908. and he agreed to come
and help us run some drills.Copy !req
909. Isn't that great?Copy !req
910. We'll do the same drills
that I didCopy !req
911. when I was a kid
learning to play baseball.Copy !req
912. All right.Copy !req
913. Hey, so whose house is this?Copy !req
914. Shh.Copy !req
915. This is to teach you speed.Copy !req
916. How is standing here
gonna teach us speed?Copy !req
917. What are you doing?
Where's he going?Copy !req
918. Hey. Run.
Why? Wh... Oh!Copy !req
919. Don't go.Copy !req
920. - Reggie, you're nuts!
- Guys?Copy !req
921. Go, go.
Go!Copy !req
922. Who in the hell is it?!Copy !req
923. I was freaking sleeping!Copy !req
924. Nobody messes with me.Copy !req
925. I will rip your throat out!Copy !req
926. Do you hear me?!Copy !req
927. And I will find you!Copy !req
928. You're in the bushes!Copy !req
929. Yah!Copy !req
930. I'm sorry!Copy !req
931. I'm sorry!
Go back to sleep!Copy !req
932. Ow. Ow!Copy !req
933. Come on, guys, let's go.
Come on. Run.Copy !req
934. Run, run.Copy !req
935. Whoo!Copy !req
936. Who's there?Copy !req
937. You'd better run,
you smart alecks!Copy !req
938. Who is it, Brad?Copy !req
939. Ah, just a bunch of punks...Copy !req
940. who better watch their backs!Copy !req
941. Relax, smarty pants.Copy !req
942. Let's finish the massage.Copy !req
943. Brad have a pool?Copy !req
944. I don't think so.Copy !req
945. Yeah, I... I guess
you're right.Copy !req
946. Oh, you little devil.Copy !req
947. I'm gonna get you.Copy !req
948. Nightmares.Copy !req
949. This next drill, boys,Copy !req
950. is for your catch-
and-quick-release skills.Copy !req
951. All right.
Hah.Copy !req
952. Hot potato!Copy !req
953. Ooh! Ow, oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
954. No! Ah, ah,
ah, ah!Copy !req
955. Excellent, Clark.Copy !req
956. Clark, let it go!Copy !req
957. Throw it!
Get rid of it!Copy !req
958. Come on, let it go!Copy !req
959. Release!Copy !req
960. Release! Release!Copy !req
961. Ooh. Ow.Copy !req
962. Ooh. W-wha...?Copy !req
963. Uh... Ooh.Copy !req
964. Um, sorry.Copy !req
965. Oh, dear.Copy !req
966. Ah. Well...Copy !req
967. The final drill is
for hand-eye coordination.Copy !req
968. Hit it, Mel!Copy !req
969. Oogaty-boogaty-boogaty!Copy !req
970. Let's go racing!Copy !req
971. Ohh!Copy !req
972. Look at that!Copy !req
973. Excellent!
That's insane.Copy !req
974. Yeah, baby!Copy !req
975. You got it, buddy. Oh!Copy !req
976. That's my friend!Copy !req
977. Whoa!
Oh, Reggie.Copy !req
978. Give me the bat.Copy !req
979. Gus Bus! Gus Bus!Copy !req
980. Gus Bus! Gus Bus!
Gus Bus!Copy !req
981. Thattaway to go.Copy !req
982. Don't fall.
Come on!Copy !req
983. You got it. You can do it.Copy !req
984. Hit it, baby!Copy !req
985. Man, you can do it.Copy !req
986. You can do it.Copy !req
987. Let me see it.Copy !req
988. Ahh!Copy !req
989. Clark, you're lucky
I'm a billionaire.Copy !req
990. The score is all tied up.Copy !req
991. The bottom of the sixth.Copy !req
992. This is the Benchwarmers
closest battle yet.Copy !req
993. Ow!
Strike.Copy !req
994. All right, Clark.Copy !req
995. See the ball, be the ball.Copy !req
996. - Oh!
- Strike two!Copy !req
997. Clark just made contact.Copy !req
998. With his own head.Copy !req
999. Grab real tight and concen...Copy !req
1000. Whoa!Copy !req
1001. Hey! Shee.Copy !req
1002. Better distance that time.Copy !req
1003. Thanks.
Yeah.Copy !req
1004. Richie's coming up.Copy !req
1005. The Benchwarmers really
need a hit here.Copy !req
1006. All right, Richie, here we go.Copy !req
1007. She's way out of your league.Copy !req
1008. What's that?Copy !req
1009. You're probably
a 39-year-old virgin.Copy !req
1010. Women don't think
that's too cute.Copy !req
1011. Shouldn't you be at home,Copy !req
1012. like, combing your doll's hair?Copy !req
1013. Shouldn't you be at home
blowing a doll up?Copy !req
1014. Because that's the only actionCopy !req
1015. a tool like you
is ever gonna get.Copy !req
1016. Ugh.Copy !req
1017. Take it out on the ball,
not his head.Copy !req
1018. Mm!Copy !req
1019. Ho!
Yeah!Copy !req
1020. Run! Run!Copy !req
1021. Move your ass, Richie!Copy !req
1022. Huh. Ahh.Copy !req
1023. Run, Richie, run!Copy !req
1024. You got it! Way to run!Copy !req
1025. Come on. Go!Copy !req
1026. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1027. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1028. Slide if you have to!Copy !req
1029. He's rounding
third and heading for home!Copy !req
1030. Bring it, dork.Copy !req
1031. Oh.Copy !req
1032. Oh!
Ha-ho!Copy !req
1033. Touch home plate!
Touch home plate!Copy !req
1034. Richie, touch home!Copy !req
1035. Safe!Copy !req
1036. He scores! Benchwarmers win!Copy !req
1037. It's a miracle!
It's a miracle!Copy !req
1038. Whoo! I ain't
no virgin now.Copy !req
1039. To home runs, beyotch!Copy !req
1040. Benchwarmers win a close oneCopy !req
1041. on Richie's first home runCopy !req
1042. in the history of the universe.Copy !req
1043. We'll see you in game three.Copy !req
1044. Excuse me.
I never hit it.Copy !req
1045. Can we have your autographs?Copy !req
1046. Are you serious?Copy !req
1047. - What?
- Yeah, you can.Copy !req
1048. All right.Copy !req
1049. Write my name
right here on the ball?Copy !req
1050. Uh, you see that home run?
Tell your sister about it.Copy !req
1051. Wait. Do you need
my address too?Copy !req
1052. Oh, you guys are
making some noise.Copy !req
1053. This is music to my ear hair.Copy !req
1054. My dad has ear hair.
It's pretty scary.Copy !req
1055. Wait. Is "badass"
one or two words?Copy !req
1056. - That's pretty good.
- Just the beginning.Copy !req
1057. How do they keep winning?!Copy !req
1058. These guys are a bunch of
turd nuggets!Copy !req
1059. Who wants to wrestle?Copy !req
1060. I'm in.Copy !req
1061. All right.Copy !req
1062. I'm good.
I'm good.Copy !req
1063. Gotcha.Copy !req
1064. Howie, listen to me.Copy !req
1065. They're not gonna kill you.Copy !req
1066. They're dropping off
the cookies I ordered.Copy !req
1067. They look very aggressive.Copy !req
1068. Think they want to beat me up.Copy !req
1069. Trust me, you'll be fine.Copy !req
1070. Just take the Thin Mints
back into the apartment.Copy !req
1071. That's our food for the week.Copy !req
1072. Fine. You can eat
the Thin MintsCopy !req
1073. at my funeral, Richie.Copy !req
1074. Hot. Hot.Copy !req
1075. Hot sun.Copy !req
1076. Huh. Cookie.Copy !req
1077. Sun, bad. Sun, bad!Copy !req
1078. Excuse me?Copy !req
1079. Hey.Copy !req
1080. Are you okay?Copy !req
1081. How you doing? Yeah.
It's, uh... Wrong pipe.Copy !req
1082. No biggie.
Um, what's going on?Copy !req
1083. Um... Just returning
these movies.Copy !req
1084. Oh. Hey. Well,
I'm the management.Copy !req
1085. So I'm gonna waive
the late fee.Copy !req
1086. Oh. They're
not late.Copy !req
1087. But thank you.Copy !req
1088. Oh. Well, anything
you wantCopy !req
1089. in the store is free too, so...Copy !req
1090. I'm Sarah, and this is
my brother, Jarrett.Copy !req
1091. He's a huge fan of yours
and the Benchwarmers.Copy !req
1092. Oh, wow. Cool.Copy !req
1093. Thanks for cheering
us on. Uh...Copy !req
1094. Hey, what does "beyotch" mean?Copy !req
1095. Oh. Uh...
That's, uh...Copy !req
1096. That means, uh,
"good game" in Swedlandia.Copy !req
1097. Well, we'll let you
get back to work.Copy !req
1098. Oh. Okay.
But, uh...Copy !req
1099. Eh, maybe I'll see you
at another game, hopefully?Copy !req
1100. Yeah.
Definitely.Copy !req
1101. All right.
See you, Jarrett.Copy !req
1102. Beyotch yesterday.Copy !req
1103. Marty, what do you think
of my future wife?Copy !req
1104. I smell cinnamon rolls.Copy !req
1105. Oh, I smell cinnamon rolls too.Copy !req
1106. Gentlemen, check it out.Copy !req
1107. Whoa. Nerd
headquarters.Copy !req
1108. Never felt more comfortable
in my life.Copy !req
1109. Hey, guys. Take
a gander at these.Copy !req
1110. We made your own
baseball cards.Copy !req
1111. - Get out of here.
- Oh! Give me that.Copy !req
1112. Cool.
Let me see this.Copy !req
1113. What?Copy !req
1114. They got statistics.Copy !req
1115. I hit 30 home runs.Copy !req
1116. Ha-ha. I got
11 foul ticks.Copy !req
1117. I have 20 eyes-closed
strikeouts,Copy !req
1118. five broken windshields
and six dead birds.Copy !req
1119. I'm freaking awesome.Copy !req
1120. Now, listen up.Copy !req
1121. Brookdale and Candia
both advanced today.Copy !req
1122. So we have to beat them
to make it to the semifinals.Copy !req
1123. Unfortunately, it is
on their own home turf.Copy !req
1124. So we're gonna have to hit
the road for a few days.Copy !req
1125. Did you say Brookdale?Copy !req
1126. Yeah, aren't you
from Brookdale?Copy !req
1127. Yeah.Copy !req
1128. Oh, that's great.
All right.Copy !req
1129. We'll have a big
welcome-home party for you, Gus.Copy !req
1130. No!Copy !req
1131. I mean, um,
i-it's all right. I...Copy !req
1132. I lost contact
with everybody there.Copy !req
1133. Wait, so we're
staying overnight?Copy !req
1134. Does my mother have to sign
a permission slip?Copy !req
1135. Uh, no. But we will
have to change your diaper.Copy !req
1136. Seriously, it's been
three days.Copy !req
1137. Sweetheart, I just found outCopy !req
1138. I have to leave town this weekCopy !req
1139. for a landscaping convention.Copy !req
1140. You never mentioned
a landscaping convention before.Copy !req
1141. I know. This is
the first one.Copy !req
1142. My ovulation schedule
has been delayed three daysCopy !req
1143. because of
the full moon anyway,Copy !req
1144. so... it's okay.Copy !req
1145. Hey, Gussie.Copy !req
1146. Imagine if we had a boy first,Copy !req
1147. and he grew up to be smartCopy !req
1148. and sweet and handsome.Copy !req
1149. Or imagine he's only
3 feet tall.Copy !req
1150. And everybody in the school
calls him Midget Boy or Yoda.Copy !req
1151. And then, just for fun,Copy !req
1152. they throw him into
a bunch of bowling pinsCopy !req
1153. and laugh until they pee
all over themselves.Copy !req
1154. Were you Midget Boy or Yoda?Copy !req
1155. I don't wanna talk about it.Copy !req
1156. Just make some room, honey.
I gotta take a leak.Copy !req
1157. Oh, my God, you're not kidding!
Gus, stop it!Copy !req
1158. Mel is officially insane.Copy !req
1159. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1160. Right?Copy !req
1161. Gus, how sick is this?Copy !req
1162. It sleeps five, and
it's got Playstation.Copy !req
1163. Yeah, and check out the fridge.
It's full of sweets.Copy !req
1164. I'm already on
my third candy bar.Copy !req
1165. Oh, man.Copy !req
1166. Mm. Mother would not
approve of this.Copy !req
1167. That's creepy.Copy !req
1168. Ow!Copy !req
1169. What the hell is that?Copy !req
1170. That's just Howie.Copy !req
1171. Howie?Copy !req
1172. You left the house.
Good for you.Copy !req
1173. Richie told me about the killer
in the neighborhood.Copy !req
1174. He's killing anyone
named Howie.Copy !req
1175. That's my name.
That's my name.Copy !req
1176. We'll just go with it.Copy !req
1177. Nelson!
Hey, there he is.Copy !req
1178. Let's go, boys. We gotta
be in Candia by 2:00.Copy !req
1179. Oh, FYI:Copy !req
1180. This team we're playing todayCopy !req
1181. is notorious for egging
comic-book conventions.Copy !req
1182. Destroy them!Copy !req
1183. Oh, Howie. You're a freak.Copy !req
1184. Edgar, let's get
this Gus Bus on the road.Copy !req
1185. It's Game three.Copy !req
1186. Benchwarmers vs. Standard Fence
at Candia City Park.Copy !req
1187. Are we here?
Losers!Copy !req
1188. I think we are.Copy !req
1189. It's the sixth inning,Copy !req
1190. and the Benchwarmers
are down by one run,Copy !req
1191. with Clark Reedy up on deck.Copy !req
1192. Clark... hold the bat.Copy !req
1193. Wait. Why?Copy !req
1194. Good. Really good.
What are you doing?Copy !req
1195. Oh. I see.
It's gonna be great.Copy !req
1196. Hey, Richie.
I look like a mummy.Copy !req
1197. God, it worked!
Clark got a hit!Copy !req
1198. Awesome!Copy !req
1199. The other way!Copy !req
1200. Come on, run it out!Copy !req
1201. Let's go! Yeah!Copy !req
1202. And Richie scores!
That ties it up, four to four!Copy !req
1203. Whoo! I made it!
I made it! Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1204. Clark...
bend down.Copy !req
1205. What the heck was that?Copy !req
1206. Excellent.
I mean, come on!Copy !req
1207. What a moron!Copy !req
1208. Huh? Ahh!Copy !req
1209. Ha... Ho!Copy !req
1210. The ball gets
away from the catcher!Copy !req
1211. Gus goes to second!Copy !req
1212. Go! He missed it!Copy !req
1213. Hey! What the...?Copy !req
1214. Let go!Copy !req
1215. Go, Gus, go!Copy !req
1216. You got it!
Come on, over here! Third!Copy !req
1217. I got it. I got it.
You got it. You got it.Copy !req
1218. Get the ball!
Get the ball! Home!Copy !req
1219. Get up!
Get up!Copy !req
1220. Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Yeah!Copy !req
1221. Ooh, it burns.Copy !req
1222. Oh. It burns.Copy !req
1223. Hot.Copy !req
1224. Hot. It burns.
It burns.Copy !req
1225. And the Benchwarmers
win it, 5-4.Copy !req
1226. Look at all these people.
We're like the Beatles.Copy !req
1227. Or Wham!Copy !req
1228. Get your
Benchwarmers' souvenirs.Copy !req
1229. Slide rules,
pocket protectors, pennants.Copy !req
1230. Everything you need.Copy !req
1231. Welcome to
Brookdale for game four.Copy !req
1232. Benchwarmers baseball
is on the internet.Copy !req
1233. Coach Bellows, Gus Matthews
from the Benchwarmers.Copy !req
1234. Shake hands
and have a good game.Copy !req
1235. All right.
Gus Matthews. Sounds familiar.Copy !req
1236. You from around here?Copy !req
1237. Uh, no.Copy !req
1238. I grew up on, uh,
the North Pole.Copy !req
1239. Uh, not even close to here.Copy !req
1240. And here's the pitch.Copy !req
1241. It's a high fly ball!Copy !req
1242. Oh.Copy !req
1243. Bad news.
The Benchwarmers are behind, 2-0.Copy !req
1244. Gus is up. Clark's on third.Copy !req
1245. Gus! Gus! Gus!
Gus! Gus! Gus!Copy !req
1246. And he smacked that one.Copy !req
1247. Oh.Copy !req
1248. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
1249. No.
Relax.Copy !req
1250. This game is all tied up.Copy !req
1251. Yeah.Copy !req
1252. Richie hit
a four-footer.Copy !req
1253. Let's go, Richie!Copy !req
1254. Run it out! Run! Run it out!Copy !req
1255. Get there! Run it out!Copy !req
1256. Get there! He's safe!Copy !req
1257. He's safe! He's safe!Copy !req
1258. Way to go!
Run it out!Copy !req
1259. He's rounding third.Copy !req
1260. Richie scores!Copy !req
1261. Uh-oh. Clark overran
third base.Copy !req
1262. Safe!Copy !req
1263. Yeah!Copy !req
1264. Richie! Richie! Richie!Copy !req
1265. Too high.Copy !req
1266. Bad idea. Call 911!Copy !req
1267. That was a close one.
Benchwarmers, 3-2.Copy !req
1268. Brookdale Glass is shattered.Copy !req
1269. Hey, could we
please leave, Mel?Copy !req
1270. What? Oh.
Yeah, sure.Copy !req
1271. Gus!Copy !req
1272. Gus. Maybe this'll
relax you.Copy !req
1273. Fresh off the presses
of The Daily Shmegmer.Copy !req
1274. Oh, we're on the front page.
No way.Copy !req
1275. "Benchwarmers Get HizzotCopy !req
1276. and Rizoll
Into Semi-Fizinals."Copy !req
1277. Mel, if my wife sees this,
I'm totally busted.Copy !req
1278. Do not fret, my good man.Copy !req
1279. Number 7 is covering
Clark's paper route.Copy !req
1280. Problem solved, Gus.Copy !req
1281. Welcome to the semifinals
of Mel's tournament.Copy !req
1282. Only Wayne's Hardware stands
between the BenchwarmersCopy !req
1283. and the final game.Copy !req
1284. Meanwhile, the nerd fansCopy !req
1285. are attempting
their first wave ever.Copy !req
1286. Hey, Jerry, what's going on?Copy !req
1287. Who's this?Copy !req
1288. I wanted you guys
to have a little edge today,Copy !req
1289. so I brought my friend, Carlos.Copy !req
1290. He is from
the Dominican Republic,Copy !req
1291. and he is one incredible
ballplayer.Copy !req
1292. Carlos. That's great.Copy !req
1293. Uh... how old are you?Copy !req
1294. I am 12.Copy !req
1295. More like 1200.Copy !req
1296. Check my birth certificate.Copy !req
1297. He's legit.Copy !req
1298. You're kidding.
This is green crayon.Copy !req
1299. Papi. Papi.Copy !req
1300. Silencio, mijo.Copy !req
1301. That's your kid?Copy !req
1302. Well, anyways, look,
thanks a lot, Jerry,Copy !req
1303. but my team kicks ass.Copy !req
1304. I think we'll be fine.Copy !req
1305. Well, he's here
if you need him.Copy !req
1306. I need a refill.Copy !req
1307. You need to go to
an AA meeting.Copy !req
1308. No, really.
I need a refill.Copy !req
1309. Whoo-hoo-hoo.Copy !req
1310. Here. Hold this.Copy !req
1311. Look, a vampire.Copy !req
1312. Whoo!Copy !req
1313. Whoo!Copy !req
1314. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1315. Strike three!Copy !req
1316. It's a hit parade!Copy !req
1317. Time out!Copy !req
1318. It's about time. Go. You're in,
you're in. Give me that.Copy !req
1319. Come on, hombre.
We need mucho home run-o's.Copy !req
1320. Ohh!Copy !req
1321. Whoa. Dude,
you smell like beer.Copy !req
1322. You look like beer.Copy !req
1323. Hey. Who the hell's
this guy?Copy !req
1324. Sorry.Copy !req
1325. Is he on your roster?Copy !req
1326. Uh, yeah, of course.Copy !req
1327. He wasn't feeling well earlier,
so I couldn't play him.Copy !req
1328. Mi tummy es sick-o.Copy !req
1329. This guy's 50.
He's got a mustache.Copy !req
1330. Not according to birth
"certifico."Copy !req
1331. He's got documentation. Come on.Copy !req
1332. Play ball!Copy !req
1333. Get out of here, baby!
Get out of here, baby!Copy !req
1334. Yeah!Copy !req
1335. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1336. Howie. Listen.
Take this money,Copy !req
1337. go buy beer and tequila,
and come right back.Copy !req
1338. He'll go. Don't be scared.
I don't wanna do that.Copy !req
1339. No, no.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.Copy !req
1340. Nelson.Copy !req
1341. You're all right.Copy !req
1342. Strike three!Copy !req
1343. You gotta step in
the batter's box.Copy !req
1344. I'm gonna kill your family.Copy !req
1345. Yes!Copy !req
1346. Ohh!Copy !req
1347. Yeah!
Gone!Copy !req
1348. Looks like the Gus Bus
is out of gas.Copy !req
1349. I got it!
I got it!Copy !req
1350. Let's go! That's what
I'm talking about! Like that!Copy !req
1351. It's the third inning,Copy !req
1352. and the Benchwarmers
cling to a one-run lead.Copy !req
1353. Your hair is like a waterfall.Copy !req
1354. Mm. Thank you.
Mm.Copy !req
1355. Carlos.Copy !req
1356. Who say my name?Copy !req
1357. This is a present
from the Benchwarmers.Copy !req
1358. You're really good
at baseball. Awesome.Copy !req
1359. Gracias, albino.
Now get lost!Copy !req
1360. Two outs and the
Benchwarmers hanging on, 6-5.Copy !req
1361. Qué!Copy !req
1362. Go, go, go!
Gus, go!Copy !req
1363. Safe!Copy !req
1364. Yes!
Yes! He did it!Copy !req
1365. He did it!
He did it!Copy !req
1366. No way! God!Copy !req
1367. What?Copy !req
1368. He was out!Copy !req
1369. Ow. My hand. Agh.Copy !req
1370. Top of the sixth.
Benchwarmers leading, 7-5.Copy !req
1371. That looks rough, dude.
Is it broken?Copy !req
1372. It's not broken,Copy !req
1373. but I definitely can't pitch.Copy !req
1374. Richie, can you pitch?Copy !req
1375. Hell, no, dude.
I can't even catch.Copy !req
1376. My vote is to have Clark
the new pitcher.Copy !req
1377. Wait. Why me?
Because you throw newspapers.Copy !req
1378. You have to have
some kind of arm.Copy !req
1379. Come on, come on.
Let's go, guys.Copy !req
1380. Clark, we have no other choice.Copy !req
1381. Wh... What are you gonna do?Copy !req
1382. I'll play the outfield.Copy !req
1383. I can still catch pop flies.Copy !req
1384. I'll try.Copy !req
1385. I wonder if Clark
ever pitched before.Copy !req
1386. Nope.Copy !req
1387. Come on, really burn it in.Copy !req
1388. Yeah.Copy !req
1389. Ball three.Copy !req
1390. Come on.Copy !req
1391. Ball four. Take your base.Copy !req
1392. Two-run lead.
Bases are loaded.Copy !req
1393. And Carlos is coming up.Copy !req
1394. One run scores.Copy !req
1395. The tying run scores.Copy !req
1396. Here comes the lead run.
And he is...Copy !req
1397. Out!Copy !req
1398. Oh, my God!
What a play!Copy !req
1399. We go to the
bottom of the last inning,Copy !req
1400. and it's all tied up.Copy !req
1401. Carlos...
we need tres more outsCopy !req
1402. to go into extra innings.
Mm-hm.Copy !req
1403. Is that beer?Copy !req
1404. No, it's Gatorade, honky.
Just give me the ball.Copy !req
1405. The Benchwarmers
need to get something goingCopy !req
1406. against Carlos,
because he's unhittable.Copy !req
1407. It's a live ball! Run it out!
Clark, run it out!Copy !req
1408. Yes!Copy !req
1409. Cheap-o hit-o,
bicicleta.Copy !req
1410. Maria...Copy !req
1411. why did you leave me, uh?Copy !req
1412. Letting a 12-year-old drink
like that is disgusting.Copy !req
1413. Here we go,
Richie, here we go!Copy !req
1414. Ball!Copy !req
1415. Come on, ump.
He's ducking the ball.Copy !req
1416. Here we go,
Richie, here we go!Copy !req
1417. Take your base.Copy !req
1418. Gus is up.
And here's the pitch.Copy !req
1419. Safe!Copy !req
1420. Who...?
Hey. Who's on deck?Copy !req
1421. Oh. Damn!Copy !req
1422. Oh, no. They don't have
anyone else.Copy !req
1423. They have to forfeit.
What?Copy !req
1424. You have any reserve players?
No.Copy !req
1425. What about that guy over there
eating sun block?Copy !req
1426. He's never played before.Copy !req
1427. That's not my problem.
He's got a uniform on.Copy !req
1428. Hey.Copy !req
1429. Either he plays,
or you forfeit the game.Copy !req
1430. Play ball!Copy !req
1431. Last inning,Copy !req
1432. the winning run's on third,
and it's all up to Howie.Copy !req
1433. Look at this freak.Copy !req
1434. Son, son. You have to get
in the batter's box.Copy !req
1435. Someone get his sword.Copy !req
1436. Here you go, Howie.Copy !req
1437. Take this.
Nelson. Nelson.Copy !req
1438. Get up there and take a swing.Copy !req
1439. Look at all those albinos.Copy !req
1440. Wait till he pitches
the ball, retard.Copy !req
1441. Strike!Copy !req
1442. They should let him
use his sword.Copy !req
1443. Maria!Copy !req
1444. No.Copy !req
1445. Come on, weird guy!Copy !req
1446. Whoo!Copy !req
1447. Weird guy!
Weird guy! Weird guy!Copy !req
1448. Weird guy!Copy !req
1449. Oh.Copy !req
1450. Oh!Copy !req
1451. Take your base.Copy !req
1452. Oh, my God!
Oh, God!Copy !req
1453. No way! We win! We win!Copy !req
1454. Amazing!Copy !req
1455. Hey, you have to
touch first base, kid.Copy !req
1456. Come on. Come on,
come on. Come on.Copy !req
1457. Howie, hit by the
pitch, forces in the winning runCopy !req
1458. and sends the Benchwarmers
to the finals.Copy !req
1459. That's game.Copy !req
1460. Hey, hey.
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
1461. Carlos, you're drunk!Copy !req
1462. Hey, hey.Copy !req
1463. We're here with Richie GoodmanCopy !req
1464. of the Benchwarmers.Copy !req
1465. How do you feel
after that big win?Copy !req
1466. Hey, what can I say?
Baseball's in my blood.Copy !req
1467. Hey, could I, uh,Copy !req
1468. give a shout-out
to my main salad girlCopy !req
1469. at Pizza Hut?Copy !req
1470. I like... salad.Copy !req
1471. Guys, can you believe this crap?Copy !req
1472. I'd like to beat his ass,Copy !req
1473. just like I did
back in the diz-ay.Copy !req
1474. Are they any good?Copy !req
1475. The only guy that's good
is that guy there.Copy !req
1476. This is Gus Matthews,Copy !req
1477. the heart and soul
of the Benchwarmers.Copy !req
1478. Gus Matthews?Copy !req
1479. So were you bullied as a kid?Copy !req
1480. Ah, the bully thing
affected my life pretty huge.Copy !req
1481. And I just wanna tell
all you kidsCopy !req
1482. that messing with other kids
can really do a lot of damage.Copy !req
1483. What? That guy
damagedCopy !req
1484. more kids than anybody I knew.Copy !req
1485. He made my life hell
growing up.Copy !req
1486. But you're twice his size.Copy !req
1487. You could crush
that little puke.Copy !req
1488. He didn't do
the physical warfare.Copy !req
1489. He played
the psychological card,Copy !req
1490. by attacking your weaknesses.Copy !req
1491. I started losing my hair
when I was 9 years old.Copy !req
1492. He jumped all over it
with the mean nicknames.Copy !req
1493. Eight Ball, Bowling Ball...Copy !req
1494. uh, Kojak, Mr. Clean,
Cream of Wheat Guy,Copy !req
1495. Scatman Crothers.Copy !req
1496. The Black Uncle Fester.Copy !req
1497. How about the Black Bodybuilding
Charlie Brown?Copy !req
1498. That's a good one.Copy !req
1499. He used that too!Copy !req
1500. Oh, don't cry, buddy.Copy !req
1501. I think your hair's
the bomb, yo.Copy !req
1502. It looks great.
Doesn't it, guys?Copy !req
1503. Yeah.Copy !req
1504. Really, brothers?
Yeah.Copy !req
1505. Sure, Daddy Warbucks.Copy !req
1506. I would've never have thought
that was a wig.Copy !req
1507. If I was blindfolded.Copy !req
1508. Whoa.Copy !req
1509. We got a problem?Copy !req
1510. Why don't you punch me
in the face as hard as you can.Copy !req
1511. Pour some honey on me.Copy !req
1512. Let me see you get really mad.Copy !req
1513. Anyway,Copy !req
1514. uh, at least I left there
with my sanity.Copy !req
1515. He actually teased
this one midget boyCopy !req
1516. in our neighborhood
league so bad,Copy !req
1517. the little fella
up and quit baseballCopy !req
1518. and went into the loony bin.Copy !req
1519. Guys, we gotta tell Jerry.
He's gonna love this.Copy !req
1520. - Definitely.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1521. Really?
Well, thanks, Cassandra.Copy !req
1522. What's the score now, Mel?Copy !req
1523. Well, Jerry's Lumber
just won, 5-2.Copy !req
1524. That means our town
gets the stadium!Copy !req
1525. You mean,
Nelson and his buddies will,Copy !req
1526. because we'll kill those guys!Copy !req
1527. Wicked!Copy !req
1528. Number 7, shakes all around!Copy !req
1529. Yes!Copy !req
1530. I gotta take a leak.Copy !req
1531. Down the hall,
12th door on the right.Copy !req
1532. Last night, we did a story
about the Benchwarmers...Copy !req
1533. Hey, check it out.
...a team of three grown menCopy !req
1534. who were excluded
from baseball as kids,Copy !req
1535. and who are now making up
for lost time.Copy !req
1536. Hello, Gus.
This is the urinal speaking.Copy !req
1537. A chemical analysis
of your pee shows you'd betterCopy !req
1538. stop eating all that fast food,
or you're going to die.Copy !req
1539. We have just been given
evidence that one of the men,Copy !req
1540. Gus Matthews, is not the man
he's been saying he is.Copy !req
1541. Hey, no shake for me.Copy !req
1542. The toilet said so.
Yeah.Copy !req
1543. Gus Matthews was easily
the biggest bully in Brookdale.Copy !req
1544. Well, you weren't the nicest
kid in school either, Steven.Copy !req
1545. I hate everybody!Copy !req
1546. What a baby.Copy !req
1547. But he's right. I was
their principal back then,Copy !req
1548. and Gus was
in my office constantly.Copy !req
1549. I remember he especially
picked so hard on one kid,Copy !req
1550. that the poor boy
had to be institutionalized.Copy !req
1551. That's really too bad.Copy !req
1552. Those guys inspired
a lot of really nice kids.Copy !req
1553. This is Kathy Dobson
from Channel 9 news.Copy !req
1554. You were a jerkCopy !req
1555. just like the rest
of the kids who mess with me?Copy !req
1556. I made a mistake, Nelson.Copy !req
1557. I wish I could
take it all back.Copy !req
1558. I can't believe
I looked up to you.Copy !req
1559. I don't know what to say, guys.Copy !req
1560. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1561. Let's party.Copy !req
1562. Not now, Number 7.Copy !req
1563. Is that why you don't
wanna have kids, Gus?Copy !req
1564. Do you feel you don't
deserve a happy familyCopy !req
1565. because of what you did
in your past?Copy !req
1566. I'm afraid that
if we have kids,Copy !req
1567. they're gonna get picked on
without mercyCopy !req
1568. because karma will be
catching up with me.Copy !req
1569. Sweetheart, you are wrong.Copy !req
1570. Life's about learning lessons.Copy !req
1571. I can't just learn
a lesson and move on.Copy !req
1572. Look, that little boyCopy !req
1573. that I picked on
when I was a kid,Copy !req
1574. he didn't ever move on.Copy !req
1575. I bet he'd be able to move onCopy !req
1576. if you said you were sorry.Copy !req
1577. Can I help you?Copy !req
1578. Marcus, honey.Copy !req
1579. What is it, Mother?Copy !req
1580. I just finished another
peanut butter sculpture.Copy !req
1581. It's a pterodactyl.Copy !req
1582. Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
1583. Uh, you have a visitor, dear.Copy !req
1584. But I don't know anyone.Copy !req
1585. It's Gus from grade school.Copy !req
1586. No!Copy !req
1587. Don't come down here!Copy !req
1588. No. No!Copy !req
1589. Marcus.
No, don't come down!Copy !req
1590. Take it easy.Copy !req
1591. Take it easy.Copy !req
1592. No. Don't touch me!Copy !req
1593. Please, hear me out.Copy !req
1594. Just give me a chance.Copy !req
1595. Marcus, stop trying to
cast spells.Copy !req
1596. Marcus...Copy !req
1597. Stay away!Copy !req
1598. Look. Marcus,
I want to apologizeCopy !req
1599. for all the nasty things I did
to you when we were kids.Copy !req
1600. I'm not here to mess with...Copy !req
1601. No! You're lying to me
like all the other times.Copy !req
1602. You are denied entry.Copy !req
1603. I'm sorry, from
the bottom of my heart.Copy !req
1604. I was stupid, Marcus.Copy !req
1605. Get out of my basement!Copy !req
1606. You're a bad, bad man!Copy !req
1607. Go! Get out!Copy !req
1608. Look, I didn't expect you
to forgive me. I mean...Copy !req
1609. Look, I know because of meCopy !req
1610. you were never able to feelCopy !req
1611. what it was like to play ballCopy !req
1612. or be part of a team.Copy !req
1613. So...Copy !req
1614. I wanna give you
my hat, Marcus.Copy !req
1615. Because even though
you didn't know it...Copy !req
1616. you are the heart and soul
of this squad.Copy !req
1617. I'll see you around, buddy.Copy !req
1618. Start here.Copy !req
1619. You've got 24 hours.Copy !req
1620. What, are you serious?Copy !req
1621. If you build it...Copy !req
1622. nerds will come.Copy !req
1623. And keep it under a billion.Copy !req
1624. It's all I've got...Copy !req
1625. on me.Copy !req
1626. Excellent!Copy !req
1627. Okay, people!Copy !req
1628. We got 24 hours
to build us a ballpark!Copy !req
1629. Can we do it?!Copy !req
1630. Yeah!Copy !req
1631. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
1632. Oh, cool.Copy !req
1633. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1634. Look at this.Copy !req
1635. Dude, this place is huge!
Oh, wow.Copy !req
1636. Swings!Copy !req
1637. We'll go on the swings later.Copy !req
1638. Slide.Copy !req
1639. That's right, there's a pool.Copy !req
1640. We'll all go in after.Copy !req
1641. Oh. I forgot my floaties.Copy !req
1642. We're here live in Greenfield
for the big gameCopy !req
1643. between the Benchwarmers
and Jerry's Lumber.Copy !req
1644. The Benchwarmers were
recently rocked by scandal.Copy !req
1645. Let's see what the fans
have to say.Copy !req
1646. Excuse me. Sir.Copy !req
1647. What do you think of
the accusations against Gus?Copy !req
1648. His soul will perish
in the fire pitCopy !req
1649. of the underworld.Copy !req
1650. I love it!Copy !req
1651. There you have it.
The fire pits.Copy !req
1652. Not a good time.Copy !req
1653. Around the horn.Copy !req
1654. We could still win this thing.Copy !req
1655. Wha...? How?Copy !req
1656. If we use the Force.Copy !req
1657. Let's try not to be
too geeky, Clark.Copy !req
1658. The Force is powerful,
my young Padawan.Copy !req
1659. He's right.
It is.Copy !req
1660. Hey, guys.Copy !req
1661. I know I'm not
on the team anymore...Copy !req
1662. but I just wanted you
to know thatCopy !req
1663. I'm here to support you.Copy !req
1664. Because you'll always be
my best friends.Copy !req
1665. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1666. welcome to Shmegmer Park,Copy !req
1667. and the final game
of Mel's TournamentCopy !req
1668. of Little BaseballersCopy !req
1669. and Three Older Guys.Copy !req
1670. Homo!Copy !req
1671. Hey. Check out
the little gnome.Copy !req
1672. Play ball!Copy !req
1673. Can I say something?Copy !req
1674. Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
1675. Hand me the mike, please.Copy !req
1676. I can't reach it.Copy !req
1677. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
1678. My name is Marcus Ellwood.Copy !req
1679. Or better known
as Dragonmaster784.Copy !req
1680. Or Yoda! Or Midget Boy!Copy !req
1681. It is true...Copy !req
1682. I ended up in an institution
as a child from...Copy !req
1683. From Gus bullying me
all the time.Copy !req
1684. And he made my life
miserable for years.Copy !req
1685. To be honest...Copy !req
1686. I thought I would
never stop hating him.Copy !req
1687. But then yesterday...Copy !req
1688. he came to visit me
in my basement.Copy !req
1689. And as I cowered
in my peanut butter fort,Copy !req
1690. he apologized to me.Copy !req
1691. And I could hear the sadness
in his voice.Copy !req
1692. This nerd makes me
seem like Rambo.Copy !req
1693. I don't think so.Copy !req
1694. John Stamos?Copy !req
1695. Warmer.Copy !req
1696. And then moments
after my old nemesis left...Copy !req
1697. I saw a hat
on my stuffed moose.Copy !req
1698. The hat of a Benchwarmer.Copy !req
1699. A Benchwarmer begging
for a new start, just like me.Copy !req
1700. And so many of you.Copy !req
1701. He shouldn't get a new start!Copy !req
1702. I'll never forgive
the kids who picked on me!Copy !req
1703. Young one...Copy !req
1704. life is too short
to harbor hatred.Copy !req
1705. Do you remember episode
number 38 of Dungeon Wars?Copy !req
1706. Yeah.Copy !req
1707. Yeah.Copy !req
1708. The golden elves forgive
the great giantsCopy !req
1709. for destroying their village,Copy !req
1710. even though the giants
made the elves' life hell.Copy !req
1711. The elves realized
the giants were tortured too.Copy !req
1712. Uh-huh.
Yeah.Copy !req
1713. He's a modern-day Yoda.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1714. I mean, not his looks,Copy !req
1715. but his philosophy stuff.Copy !req
1716. Actually, his looks too...
His looks a little bit too.Copy !req
1717. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
1718. And so, I forgive
my new friend, Gus,Copy !req
1719. as all of you should.Copy !req
1720. Look at all the joy and hopeCopy !req
1721. he's brought to all of us.Copy !req
1722. He has more than paid his dues.Copy !req
1723. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1724. Go, Gus.Copy !req
1725. Come on, Marcus!Copy !req
1726. Thank you, Marcus.Copy !req
1727. Get up here.Copy !req
1728. Hey.
Thanks.Copy !req
1729. Buddies for life.
Thanks.Copy !req
1730. Aww...Copy !req
1731. I want a little man too.Copy !req
1732. Here you go.Copy !req
1733. - Oh!
- Aw.Copy !req
1734. Aww...Copy !req
1735. You know, me and the guys
have beenCopy !req
1736. playing all these games,Copy !req
1737. not for revenge.Copy !req
1738. We did it to show that everyoneCopy !req
1739. should be allowed
to play baseballCopy !req
1740. and have fun.Copy !req
1741. All right!Copy !req
1742. Right on!Copy !req
1743. And that is why...Copy !req
1744. Clark, Richie and ICopy !req
1745. will not be playing
in the game today.Copy !req
1746. What?Copy !req
1747. Instead, our team will consistCopy !req
1748. of a bunch of kidsCopy !req
1749. who've never known
what it's likeCopy !req
1750. to play in front of a crowdCopy !req
1751. or to be cheered on.Copy !req
1752. Let me tell you,
it's an awesome feeling.Copy !req
1753. So, please, put your nerdCopy !req
1754. and jock hands together,Copy !req
1755. and welcome to the field
the new Benchwarmers!Copy !req
1756. Woo! Yeah!Copy !req
1757. Hey!
Hi!Copy !req
1758. All right.Copy !req
1759. Now, lastly, let's
make some noiseCopy !req
1760. for your new
third-base coach...Copy !req
1761. Marcus Ellwood!Copy !req
1762. Yeah!Copy !req
1763. Is he all right?Copy !req
1764. For years I thought
the sun was a monster.Copy !req
1765. I'm here to tell you
that it's not a monster.Copy !req
1766. Okay.
It's not a monster!Copy !req
1767. Yeah.
You're all right.Copy !req
1768. Hey. Take him
in the shade.Copy !req
1769. All right.
Let's have some fun!Copy !req
1770. Hey, everybody,
it's Clark and Richie, and we're...Copy !req
1771. We're standing in
for Gretchen and Mitchell.Copy !req
1772. And we're gonna get
things going right now.Copy !req
1773. Big deck.Copy !req
1774. Whoa! He got it.Copy !req
1775. - Oh!
- Oh, no!Copy !req
1776. Oh.Copy !req
1777. Ah... A-and he's okay.Copy !req
1778. Oh, hey!
That's my helmet!Copy !req
1779. That's my helmet!Copy !req
1780. It's all right, buddy!Copy !req
1781. Nice try, Sammy!Copy !req
1782. Oh, my God. I just saw
your head for the first time.Copy !req
1783. Ee.Copy !req
1784. Let's give a round of applauseCopy !req
1785. for little Sammy Sprinkler.Copy !req
1786. He missed it,
and people are cheering.Copy !req
1787. Yeah, and his coach
didn't even yell at him.Copy !req
1788. That's pretty cool.Copy !req
1789. And here comes
our leadoff hitterCopy !req
1790. with a familiar tape job.Copy !req
1791. Gretchen, I know why
you're taping your hands.Copy !req
1792. I also know why there's...Copy !req
1793. three squirrels that won't be
attending this game today.Copy !req
1794. Strike! Strike!
Strike!Copy !req
1795. Well, there's a strikeout.Copy !req
1796. That's okay!
Good try! Good try!Copy !req
1797. Good going, Gretchen.
Yeah!Copy !req
1798. All right,
next up it's Jarrett.Copy !req
1799. If you know Jarrett, you know
his sister works at Pizza Hut.Copy !req
1800. She's right over there.Copy !req
1801. Hi.Copy !req
1802. Another strikeout.Copy !req
1803. And a strikeout.Copy !req
1804. Strikeout.Copy !req
1805. Strikeout. Strikeout.
Strikeout.Copy !req
1806. And a strikeout.
Whoa. Yeah!Copy !req
1807. I think we got a free stadium!Copy !req
1808. We're beating
them in strikeouts.Copy !req
1809. And you're also beating themCopy !req
1810. in boogers picked,
so we got that.Copy !req
1811. Good game.
Drive home safe tonight.Copy !req
1812. On the yellow brick road.Copy !req
1813. God, he's a dick.Copy !req
1814. Oh, he got all of that one.Copy !req
1815. Back, back, back, back, back...Copy !req
1816. Spaloosh!Copy !req
1817. In the pool!Copy !req
1818. Good hit, Kyle.Copy !req
1819. Yeah.Copy !req
1820. Nice one, Kyle.Copy !req
1821. Go, Kyle.Copy !req
1822. Well, it's 42 to nothingCopy !req
1823. as we head into the last inning.Copy !req
1824. And it looks like
the BenchwarmersCopy !req
1825. will go down without a fight.Copy !req
1826. Hey. What are you
smiling at?Copy !req
1827. I-I don't know. I guess
how much fun they're having.Copy !req
1828. Wipe the smile off your face,Copy !req
1829. or I'll wipe it off for you.Copy !req
1830. You got three more outs.Copy !req
1831. You blow this shutout,Copy !req
1832. you won't play on a team
next year, you got it?Copy !req
1833. Get out there and annihilate
those stinkweeds!Copy !req
1834. Let's go!Copy !req
1835. Come on, let's do this!Copy !req
1836. Woo!Copy !req
1837. Strike one!Copy !req
1838. Hang in there, son!Copy !req
1839. Come on, Nelson!Copy !req
1840. Strike two!Copy !req
1841. Come on, strike out this loser!Copy !req
1842. You know what?Copy !req
1843. You're the loser.Copy !req
1844. Time!Copy !req
1845. What's up, buddy?Copy !req
1846. Hey, Nelson.Copy !req
1847. I'm gonna throw you one
down the middle.Copy !req
1848. What does that mean?Copy !req
1849. It means choke up
on the bat a littleCopy !req
1850. and swing away.Copy !req
1851. The ball's gonna be right there.Copy !req
1852. Hey, thanks.Copy !req
1853. I can help with your
social studies homework later,Copy !req
1854. if you need it.Copy !req
1855. Sounds good.
I suck at social studies.Copy !req
1856. Okay, guys, follow my lead.Copy !req
1857. Whoops! Butterfingers.Copy !req
1858. He got a hit!Copy !req
1859. Come on! Go, go!Copy !req
1860. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1861. Why are you kicking it?!Copy !req
1862. Go, go!Copy !req
1863. Keep going!Copy !req
1864. Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!Copy !req
1865. Run!Copy !req
1866. Come... Come on!Copy !req
1867. Go! Go! Go home!
Go! Go! Go home!Copy !req
1868. Go, go, go!
Go, Nelson!Copy !req
1869. Nelson, get at the plate!Copy !req
1870. Yes! Woo!Copy !req
1871. Slide! Slide!Copy !req
1872. Safe!Copy !req
1873. Yeah!
Yeah!Copy !req
1874. We did not get shut out!Copy !req
1875. Woo!Copy !req
1876. Yes! Woo!Copy !req
1877. Yes! Oooh!Copy !req
1878. Yes! Woo!Copy !req
1879. What is going on?!
What is going on?Copy !req
1880. Let go of me!
Nerds!Copy !req
1881. You put me down!
What is going on?Copy !req
1882. Ahh! Ahh!Copy !req
1883. Ahh!Copy !req
1884. Ta-da!Copy !req
1885. Can I let you in on a secret?Copy !req
1886. Sure.Copy !req
1887. I've never actually, like...Copy !req
1888. totally 100 percent
kissed a girl before.Copy !req
1889. And, uh, I was wondering if...Copy !req
1890. you would be my first one.Copy !req
1891. I would like
nothing more than that.Copy !req
1892. Rea...?Copy !req
1893. Clark!Copy !req
1894. You kissed a girl before I did?Copy !req
1895. This is way better
than macaroni.Copy !req
1896. Oh. Mm.Copy !req
1897. I'm not afraid
of the sun anymore.Copy !req
1898. That's good, buddy.Copy !req
1899. How's the moon treating you?Copy !req
1900. Not a fan.Copy !req
1901. Hey, Gus.Copy !req
1902. The new BenchwarmersCopy !req
1903. are gonna need a
coach next year.Copy !req
1904. What do you say?Copy !req
1905. I'd be honored, Mel, but...Copy !req
1906. I might be a little busy
getting my family started.Copy !req
1907. Actually, honey, it's...Copy !req
1908. already been started.Copy !req
1909. Really?
Mm-hm.Copy !req
1910. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
1911. I'm gonna be a dad!Copy !req
1912. Way to go, man!Copy !req
1913. That's quite an ovation.Copy !req
1914. You wanna hear
an even bigger one?Copy !req
1915. The reason she's pregnantCopy !req
1916. is because I went
all the way with her!Copy !req
1917. Ahh!Copy !req
1918. That's so great.Copy !req
1919. What does "all the way" mean?Copy !req