The Aristocrats (2005)

1. George Carlin:

2. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS."

3. YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE

4. AND BAM!

5. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

6. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

7. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

8. THE WHAT?

9. I'VE HEARD THE JOKE,

10. BUT I DON'T REMEMBER

11. THAT JOKE'S BEEN AROUND.

12. "THE ARISTOCRATS" IS

13. I THINK IT WAS THE "NINA"

14. OR THE "PINTA" ON THE "SANTA MARIA"

15. ME. I'M NOT QUITE SURE.

16. THE TIME.

17. YOU CHOSE THIS ONE?

18. Michael McKean:

19. MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE,

20. THE

21. WE

22. AND I DON'T KNOW

23. APPARENTLY O'DONOGHUE

24. I HEARD MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE

25. IT'S THE ONLY JOKE I KNOW

26. I'M ALWAYS SHOCKED WHEN PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS JOKE.

27. IT WAS SHOCKING! YOU'D NEVER HEARD THAT.

28. "SECOND CITY" IN CHICAGO.

29. THAT'S

30. "THE ARISTOCRATS"

31. "CATCH A RISING STAR"

32. Chris Albrecht:

33. IN NEW YORK IN '73, DID

34. AND ONE OF THE

35. "THE ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.

36. "THE ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.

37. BUT WE'RE ALSO IN

38. ARE

39. THAT'S... WAS, TO ME, SYMBOLIZED

40. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

41. I DON'T THINK COMICS

42. THAT'S BEEN GOING ON

43. IN... NEXT TO THE YOU DIG?

44. I DON'T THINK COMEDIANS TOLD

45. TELL JOKES ON STAGE?

46. YOU DON'T DO

47. THAT'S THE TOTAL

48. 'CAUSE YOU'RE VIEWED

49. URBAN LEGENDS GO?

50. EH, THE PEOPLE

51. WHO SAW THIS GUY DOIN' IT,

52. PERFORMIN' IT.

53. IT'S THE KIND OF JOKE THAT YOU LOVE TELLIN'

54. WE'RE DIFFERENT, WE'RE IN HERE,

55. IT'S... THERE'S NO RULES.

56. "WAIT TILL YOU HEAR THIS," YOU KNOW?

57. AT ABOUT 4:30, 5:00 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING

58. IT, LIKE A POWERHOUSE:

59. "AND WHAT'S IT'S CALLED?"

60. IT'S A SHOW-OFFY KIND

61. I THINK IT'S THE WAY I TOLD IT, WORD FOR WORD: TO EMO,

62. THERE'S THE BASIC FRAMEWORK,

63. I DON'T KNOW THE

64. IT'S LOST.

65. IT'S A

66. EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT

67. OUT TO BE THE ONE

68. IT'S THE LAST

69. HE "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

70. "WELL, MY

71. AND WALLOW IN IT."

72. "WHAT KIND OF AN ACT DO YOU CALL THAT?"

73. "WE CALL IT 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

74. THE JOKE SUCKS!

75. ON A DOCUMENTARY!

76. LET ME

77. IT'S A

78. IT'S GOT A TWO

79. YOU CAN DO

80. IT'S LIKE A JAZZ THEME. THERE'S THE BASIC MELODY

81. AS

82. "WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"

83. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

84. IT'S FILLED WITH VULGARITY.

85. IT'S NOT KIND OF VULGAR. IT'S... IT'S REVOLTING.

86. YOU'RE DISGUSTING

87. THAT'S THE CRAFT OF... IS HOW

88. THAT'S THE THING YOU CAN'T... YOU CAN'T BOTTLE,

89. 'CAUSE THAT'S A

90. GUY GOES IN THE AGENT'S

91. "I GOT AN ACT FOR YOU. WAIT'LL YOU HEAR THIS."

92. "ALL RIGHT, IT. WHAT'S THE ACT?"

93. "MY WIFE AND

94. I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF, UH, MEDICINE

95. AND I'VE EATEN A LOT

96. IT'S MOSTLY LIQUID.

97. IT'S, UH, LIKE

98. I TRY TO GET A LOT

99. SO THAT THERE'S A

100. IT'S NOT JUST A STREAM

101. INTO...

102. I CAN HIT HER

103. IT'S KIND OF LIKE

104. IT 'CAUSE I CAN HEAR

105. WHETHER IT'S HITTING

106. SO, I GET AS MUCH

107. IT.

108. SHE'S GARGLING, GARGLING,

109. AND, UH, WE'RE OFF. IT'S ABOUT FIVE MINUTES TOTAL."

110. "OH. WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"

111. "THE ARISTOCRATS."

112. AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT

113. IT'S A BLANK, UH, SLATE,

114. PEOPLE TRULY BIZARRE?

115. WHETHER IT'S A SHUFFLEBOARD UP A NICE ANIMAL'S BEHIND

116. "NEARER MY GOD TO THEE"

117. "WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD" IN UNISON!

118. AND I'M CATCHING

119. HE CUMS ON MY WIFE'S TITS.

120. JIZM INTO $100 SEATS:

121. HOW THEY'RE COORDINATED LIKE THAT?

122. ON THE HAS AN ABORTION!

123. POUND SHETLAND PONY!

124. AND PAID 280!

125. AND I DON'T KNOW

126. SINCE EVERYBODY'S... YOU

127. IT'S JUST REALLY FILTHY,

128. TALENT AGENT'S OFFICE,

129. "I HAVE THE GREATEST ACT IN THE WORLD."

130. "WHAT'S THE ACT?"

131. THAT'S ALL YOU

132. ALL YOU HAD TO DO IS

133. YOU MAKE...

134. IT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

135. WE'RE HIGH-FLYING

136. ALL THE WAY UP

137. SKATE IN SHIT?

138. AND THEY'RE WAPPING IN EACH OTHER'S FACES!

139. THE SPLITS IN THE SHIT?

140. BUT THAT'S THE...

141. THAT'S THE FINISH?

142. EVERYBODY SICK?

143. HEY, SHIT AND

144. BUT

145. FORGET IT!

146. SO IT'S GOT A LOT... IT'S EDGE HUMOUR.

147. IT'S PUSHING THE EDGE

148. SHE'S GOT A BUCKET OF SHIT.

149. THE GUY'S HEAD.

150. HE'S THREE YEARS OLD...

151. THAT'S ADORABLE...

152. IT'S A DISGUSTING IT'S SHIT.

153. IS BECAUSE I'M REALLY

154. DURING THE ACT? OH, ABSOLUTELY:

155. I'VE HEARD SHITTING

156. OF GRANDPA'S DIAPERS,

157. I'VE HEARD BRINGING ANIMALS

158. I FORGOT THE DOG! THERE'S A DOG TOO!

159. OH, HO!

160. THAT'S CALLED BESTIALITY.

161. YES... IT'S IN THE BIBLE.

162. IT'S IN

163. HE SAID IT'S IN HIS DIARY.

164. I'VE HEARD, UH...

165. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE

166. IT'S A FAMILY ACT,

167. YOU

168. OR TOUCH MY NEPHEW'S PENIS.

169. A LOT OF YOU ARE

170. "WELL, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

171. BLOOD COME FROM?

172. YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BLOOD."

173. WHO'S YOUNG AND HER

174. WHERE IT'S LIKE THE

175. I'LL WAIT.

176. NATURALLY SHE'S GOING TO BE BLEEDING!

177. I'M JUST MAKING A POINT.

178. THERE'S INCEST.

179. AND ALL THE THINGS

180. WITH PEOPLE'S, UH,

181. I FUCKED MY WIFE! I FUCKED MY SISTER! I FUCKED MY SON!

182. EVERYBODY'S FUCKED.

183. IT'S LIKE A TOURETTE'S SYNDROME JOKE.

184. I'M HORRIFIED AND

185. IT'S LIKE A DOG

186. YOU DON'T WANT TO

187. IT'S A PERFECT JOKE.

188. SO THE WAY I

189. ME, THE SWEETNESS OF

190. "WE HAVE AN ACT.

191. OF YOUR TIME. WE HAVE:."

192. "GO AHEAD. YOU HAVE ME ABOUT YOUR ACT."

193. "WELL, IT'S

194. IT'S A BIT OF A NOVELTY.

195. IT'S MYSELF, MY

196. I'M IN A TUXEDO.

197. NOW HE'S FUCKING MY WIFE.

198. SHE'S 15. SHE COMES IN.

199. MY SON'S GOT HIS

200. MY DAUGHTER'S GIVING IT'S A

201. WE'RE ALL FUCKING,

202. IS JUST EVERYBODY'S.

203. SHE'S... SHE'S GRABBING

204. AND

205. SHIT ON THE STAGE."

206. "WOW, THAT'S A HELL OF AN ACT.

207. CALL YOURSELVES?"

208. "THE ARISTOCRATS."

209. YOU... GET TO ACTUALLY SAY

210. UH,

211. YOU DON'T

212. IN MY

213. SO, SHOCK IS ONLY

214. THE OTHER THING IS THERE'S

215. I DON'T KNOW WHICH.

216. TO ME, YOU GOT TO SAVE THE

217. IF YOU PUT IT IN

218. SO, IT'S GOT TO BE FUCK,

219. IT'S CHAOS.

220. THE WAY I'VE GOT IT, INCEST IS NEXT

221. I'M ALL ABOUT

222. INCESTUOUS?

223. AS I'M FUCKING MY WIFE,

224. "GOOD NIGHT, YOU'VE BEEN GREAT!"

225. IT'S PRICELESS.

226. SO NOW I'M FUCKING

227. SO I'M FUCKING MY

228. IT'S A REAL CROWD-

229. WHILE HE'S PISSING

230. WHO'S BEING BUTT-FUCKED

231. GRANDMA'S DEAD.

232. LET'S SAY IT JUST STARTS

233. PORNOGRAPHIC.

234. YOU'D HAVE TO GO AND HELP

235. "THAT'S AWFUL.

236. WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"

237. HE, LIKE: THE NAME'S

238. WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND,

239. 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT'S CALLED

240. FIND EMPLOYMENT?

241. DEVELOP THIS ACT?

242. THIS WAS ENTERTAINING?

243. IT'S SURPRISING THAT THEY HAVEN'T...

244. THAT THEY'RE

245. 'COURSE, YOU'RE

246. "WELL, WHY DIDN'T HE STOP THEM

247. 'THIS IS TOTALLY WRONG!

248. SOMETHING HORRIBLE'S

249. AND PERFORMING BESTIALITY.'

250. WHY, OH WHY, IS HE ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN?"

251. BUT THAT'S A

252. "WHAT IS IT CALLED?"

253. THAT'S WHAT HAPP...

254. "WHAT IS IT C..."

255. THERE'S NO LEGAL SYSTEM

256. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

257. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

258. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

259. THAT'S GREAT.

260. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

261. HE'S GOING, "I THINK IT'S ALL IN THE SNAP."

262. NOW, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO THAT WHEN THEY TELL IT?

263. ONE. AND I'M THE ONLY ONE?

264. REALLY?

265. THAT'S... I ALWAYS

266. OR...?

267. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

268. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

269. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

270. "THE ARISTOC..."

271. THE END.

272. I SAY... NO, IT'S

273. ME, "WHEN THEY FINISH,

274. THEY'RE COVERED IN SWEAT AND THEY'RE COVERED IN CUM

275. AND THEY'RE COVERED IN SHIT,

276. AND LIKE:."

277. "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"

278. "THE ARISTOCRATS!"

279. AH, IT'S SO GREAT.

280. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

281. THAT'S REALLY ALL

282. SO, UH, THIS COCKSUC: WHAT WAS IT?

283. THERE'S

284. FETAL OR FECAL? NO, FETAL IS FETAL:

285. I'VE

286. I THINK IT'S JUST, UH...

287. THE PUNCHLINE DOESN'T WORK.

288. "I'VE GOT THIS ACT."

289. "IT'S A FAMILY ACT."

290. "I GOT SHIT EVERYWHERE.

291. I DON'T WANT A FAMILY ACT."

292. NO, NO, THAT COULD WORK:

293. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

294. "I WANT... AM I BOTHERING YOU?"

295. HAVE YOU DONE IT?

296. I'LL FILM YOU NOW.

297. THEATRICAL AGENT'S OFFICE

298. "WE HAVE

299. AND WE'RE CALLED 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

300. IT'S JUST A GUY, GOES INTO A TALENT AGENT'S OFFICE.

301. DOESN'T MATTER WHERE.

302. IT'S A STEAMY LITTLE

303. THERE'S BARELY R... IT'S

304. JOE FRANKLIN'S OFFICE?

305. I'VE BEEN IN THIS OFFICE SINCE 2000 B:C.

306. WORLD'S LONGEST-

307. I'M JOE FRANKLIN.

308. IT'S THAT OFFICE.

309. AN AGENT'S OFFICE

310. AND, UH, IT'S

311. FUCKING THING!

312. ALL RIGHT ALREADY!

313. ALL RIGHT!

314. "MY WIFE COMES OUT

315. PLAYS 'TEA FOR TWO' ON THE XYLOPHONE."

316. WITH HER CUNT? NO, NO, NO.

317. "GOD BLESS AMERICA".

318. IT'S REAL

319. EACH OTHER?

320. YECCH! EVER SEEN AN OLD WOMAN'S CUNT?

321. SO THEN...

322. YOU'RE KILLING

323. YOU'RE A LOSER. YOU CAN'T TELL

324. "MY SON COMES OUT,

325. SHE'S A REAL SEXY

326. I HIT HER ON

327. THAT'S THE KIND OF

328. I GOT ALL

329. "THE ARISTOCATS"!

330. "CRATS"! AAHHH!

331. IT'S THE ARISTOCRATS,

332. "THE ARISTOCATS".

333. GO, "BABABADA...

334. AND SHE'S DOING..."

335. "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?" "THE ARISTOCATS".

336. OH! NO, NO, NO! "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

337. "WHY... WHY DID HE SAY 'CATS' AND THEN 'CRATS'?"

338. "HE DIDN'T, I JUST HAD A PROBLEM."

339. "WAIT A SECOND.

340. TAKES 11 MINUTES TO TELL

341. AND YOU DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE?"

342. SO IT'S... IT WAS A BIT OF

343. TO...

344. WON'T LIVE THE HORROR

345. I CAN'T REMEMBER THEM.

346. "HEY, OW!

347. TO BE FUNNY?"

348. "NO."

349. I'M SORRY.

350. I DON'T DO JOKES.

351. I DON'T DO JOKES

352. AND I DON'T EVEN

353. IT

354. IT'S ALWAYS ATTITUDE.

355. I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE

356. NOT THAT THERE'S

357. BUT IT'S NEVER

358. "MY GOD,

359. THAT'S THE JOKE I SHOULD'VE WRITTEN BUT I NEVER WILL."

360. "WE HAVE GREAT ACT."

361. "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"

362. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

363. "I LOVE IT,

364. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BOOK

365. NOW I'M GOING

366. NAME 'THE ARISTOCRATS'?"

367. THERE'S A SLIGHTLY

368. "OKAY, YEAH. WHAT'S YOUR ACT DO?"

369. "THERE'S A GIRL COMES OUT

370. ON THE DONKEY."

371. "LISTEN, WE... WE

372. I'M NOT SURE THAT'S THE KIND OF ACT:."

373. "WELL, WAIT! YOU'LL REALLY ENJOY 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

374. SO THERE'S

375. AND IT'S A

376. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

377. THE MANAGER'S LYING,

378. THAT THEY DON'T

379. THEY'RE FUNNY,

380. BUT HE NOW HAS TO "LISTEN, I'VE SOLD YOU.

381. BUT THERE'S THIS OTHER THING YOU'RE

382. YOU'RE GOING

383. AND SHIT IN A:." "WHAT?"

384. "WITH THE GUY'S SAXOPHONE." "THE F...

385. THE FUCKING WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT DONKEY SHIT?"

386. EVERYBODY'S

387. IT'S A... IT'S

388. IT'D GO WITH THE

389. ACT. WHAT DO

390. THEY DO?

391. IT'S A JUGGLING ACT?

392. UP, SO HIS...

393. YOU'RE PUTTING ME ON, AREN'T YOU? NO, NO, NO.

394. THE

395. AND, UH... OH, GET OUT

396. NO.

397. NAKED CHILDREN?

398. DO A SE...

399. THEY THROW UP?

400. HAVE THEY WORKED?

401. ALL THE BEST PLACES?

402. KNOW WHAT THEY'RE...

403. UH, NOT

404. NO, I MEAN:

405. IT'S KIND

406. THEIR NAME?

407. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

408. THE WHAT?

409. "THE 'RISTOCRATS"? "THE ARISTOCRATS".

410. BUT YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY?

411. NO. HUH.

412. IT'S A CLASSIC.

413. THAT A CLASSIC?

414. AND "THE ARISTOCRATS"

415. 60, 70 YEARS

416. I'LL STILL... I'LL THINK IT'S FUNNY?

417. "ARISTOCRATS",

418. I DIDN'T.

419. YOU'RE... YOU'RE A STRAIGHT MAN.

420. YOU'RE NOT... YOU'RE NOT

421. "THE ARISTOCRATS" IS

422. A...

423. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

424. THE MOTHER'S USING

425. "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"

426. "'TIS WELL WE CALL OURSELVES 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

427. IT'S THE LAST

428. ON STAGE.

429. OF THE GUY WHO'S

430. OUT OF THE BABY'S MOUTH.

431. THAN BIRTH?

432. "I'M

433. HE

434. PLAYING "BEGIN THE BEGUINE",

435. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE

436. I THINK SHE'S

437. BUT THEN AS YOU'RE

438. SO IT'S FUNNY

439. SURE I COULD'VE TOLD IT

440. NO, I NEEDED THE WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW.

441. IS

442. SHE COULD'VE BEEN...

443. THAT...

444. "BEGIN THE BEGUINE"

445. THEY WON'T

446. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT PHYLLIS' DEMEANOUR.

447. THEY'LL DEFINITELY

448. BECAUSE IF I DON'T SAY "COCK", THEY'RE PISSED.

449. A FEMALE WOULDN'T EVER

450. I'M SICK OF WOMEN GOING, "IT'S A GUY THING."

451. IT'S A JOKE. FUNNY...

452. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL STRAP IT ON.

453. 'CAUSE I GO...

454. "WHAT, YOU DIDN'T CURSE?"

455. I'M TRYING

456. I'M TRYING

457. BUT IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.

458. AND THEY'D BE PULLING

459. OUT OF THEM. IT'D BE A WHOLE THING.

460. WHY DON'T YOU

461. DO YOUR VERSION?

462. OH, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE OH, I BET YOU DO:

463. "LET'S SEE THE ACT."

464. "WHOA!"

465. THAT'S THE KIND OF JOKE

466. CLEAN THAT JOKE UP?

467. "THEY'RE MAKING LOVE".

468. THEY'RE ALREADY SO IT'S ALREADY INCEST.

469. YOU'RE... YOU'RE

470. ME,

471. IF

472. THEY'LL BE BROUGHT UP

473. SHE WAS IN...

474. "WE WORK IN ONE. IT'S AN OLIO.

475. AND THERE'S A

476. AND...

477. BANG! HITS HER HUSBAND

478. "MY GOD,

479. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE!"

480. "WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

481. AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO LEAVE, "EXCUSE ME.

482. WHAT'S IN THE OTHER CASE?"

483. "TYLENOL."

484. "AND WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR ACT?"

485. "WE CALL OURSELVES 'THE SOPHISTICATES'."

486. THAT'S HOW I HEARD IT.

487. "NO DIRTY MATERIAL. NOTHING BLUE."

488. YOU COULDN'T GET ON TV SO YOU WEREN'T

489. IT DIDN'T

490. YOU'RE DIRTY IS...

491. THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT.

492. I'M ALWAYS

493. DID

494. THE COPS ON YA?

495. IT'S THE SINGER,

496. IT'S COLTRANE.

497. TELL "THE ARISTOCRATS",

498. IT'S THE SINGER,

499. "I JUST SAW THE

500. IT'S INCREDIBLE!"

501. "WELL, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS."

502. "WELL Y... THERE'S A FAMILY

503. THERE'S A HUSBAND

504. AND THEY'RE JUST AND THEY'RE ALL READING,

505. AND THERE'S A LITTLE

506. AND IT'S VERY CALM AND

507. "OH, WE LOVE YOU."

508. "YOU'RE MY PRECIOUS ANGELS."

509. AND HE'S GOT A BIG

510. AND HE'S

511. AND THERE'S BLOOD GUSHING ANY...

512. AND THERE'S SCREAMING

513. "THAT'S HORRIBLE!"

514. "THAT'S... HORRIBLE,

515. I'VE EVER HEARD.

516. THING BE CALLED?

517. WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS IT?"

518. "IT'S CALLED 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

519. "I-I'D LIKE TO SEE ACTUALLY."

520. IT'S THIS FAMILY,

521. THEY'RE EATING DINNER

522. BRAIDS BETSY'S

523. AND THAT'S THE ACT.

524. AN ACT LIKE THAT?

525. "THE COCKSUCKING

526. THERE'S ANOTHER WHICH

527. "ARISTOCRATS", SO MAYBE

528. "GOOD

529. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

530. "HAVE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND?"

531. "OH, ABSOLUTELY.

532. PERHAPS THERE'S

533. I'M NOT REALLY

534. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

535. OUT COME ABOUT 14 MEN

536. COVERED WITH ABORIGINES'

537. "HOW ABOUT YOU?"

538. "STILL... STILL SAME DEAL?" AND "YEAH.

539. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

540. "HORRIBLE

541. I 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."

542. AND IT'S SAME SONG,

543. "I BELIEVE THAT WE'RE ONLY HERE FOR

544. I WILL TAKE DEATH."

545. "OKAY, FINE, DEATH IT IS.

546. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'!"

547. SO THAT'LL BE MY "ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.

548. 'CAUSE YOU GOT 75 PEOPLE TELLING

549. "MR. TAMBOURINE MAN".

550. IT LIKE "THE BYRDS",

551. OR

552. THERE'S NOT THAT

553. BY ONE OF

554. THEY'D BE

555. THE... TOP GUY

556. ON THE

557. "THE INCREDIBLE

558. JUGGLING BROTHERS."

559. IT TO, UH...

560. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

561. I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS JAMES LIPTON'S...

562. "THIS HAPPENED.

563. "I THINK I MIGHT

564. THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

565. WHOLE FAMILY."

566. "THAT'S CRAZY.

567. WHOLE FAMILY? THAT'S..."

568. "A

569. IT'S ALL OVER

570. FORGET IT."

571. THIS IS WHAT'S

572. HE...

573. DON'T GIVE THEM THE BUM'S RUSH,

574. 'CAUSE THIS FUCK WILL

575. INTO THE AGENT'S OFFICE

576. THE

577. SIS, WHOSE TITS ARE

578. THERE'S

579. "TAH-DAH!"

580. "THAT'S AMAZING. WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"

581. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

582. WE SAW THE ACT

583. ABOUT SIX OR SO?

584. AND THE KID HAD

585. OF, YOU KNOW:

586. LIKE...

587. AS HE GOT TO

588. OH-H-H.

589. "AH, FABULOUS."

590. TELLER COULDN'T HE WAS...

591. AND THE KID WAS

592. HE

593. THAT'S

594. HEY-OH!

595. UH... A TALENT AGENT

596. "HEY, I'VE GOT A GREAT ACT."

597. AND HE'S LIKE, "IT'S NOT A IS IT?"

598. I'

599. THE GRANDMOTHER'S ASS?

600. I'D HATE TO GET SOMETHING

601. COMIC'S MIND.

602. BOOKER'S OFFICE.

603. "NO, NO, NO! NO, YOU DON'T!

604. IN THE UNIVERSE."

605. "THIS ONE IS COMPLETELY

606. IT'S A FAMILY ACT.

607. AND SHE

608. THE WAY TO THE

609. STICKS IT IN MOM'S ASS,

610. YOU SEE THE KIDS' EYES

611. IT'S JUST THE MOST

612. IT'S LIKE THAT, EXCEPT WE ALL FIT INTO THIS WOMAN'S CUNT.

613. WE

614. IT'S LIKE KIND OF

615. SOMETIMES THERE'S MUCUS

616. THERE'D BE OTHERS BUT

617. UH, GET AN AGENT:

618. "WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO?"

619. "YOU KNOW, MY WIFE AND I:."

620. HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?

621. IT WOULDN'T BE

622. WOULDN'T IT?

623. YOU KNOW WHAT'S SOMETHING THAT IS OFFENSIVE NOW?

624. BUT IF IT'S

625. THEN WE CAN'T

626. UP THE ASS

627. "THIS IS BECAUSE YOU'RE

628. A FAGGOT." THEY COULD.

629. FAGGOT!

630. AND I DON'T REALLY WANT

631. 'CAUSE I THINK I'VE... YOU I'M REALLY A FAMILY

632. OH, SAGET: NOW

633. TELLING "THE ARISTOCRAT" JOKE IN LIFE!

634. THAT'S MY FRIEND PAUL, AND RIGHT NOW I'M

635. HE'S GOT A VERY

636. IT'S ABOUT...

637. I BELIEVE THAT'S SHANDLING'S JOKE, I'M PRETTY SURE.

638. I'M SORRY.

639. ME, UM, SOME SLIM TAMPAX:

640. HE SAID "LEAVE THEM OUT, YOU'RE REALLY TIGHT."

641. DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY'RE BOYS OR GIRLS

642. AND THEY'RE GOING

643. IS WHAT THIS JOKE'S

644. IT'S ABOUT USING YOUR KID.

645. NO, THAT'S... THAT'S...

646. HIS AIM IS TO GET AS

647. "WELL WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE DO?"

648. THE FATHER'S LIKE... "WATCH US."

649. HE TAKES HER WIFE'S BRA AND

650. IT'S HORRIBLE AND THERE'S

651. IT'S 69, IT'S 29,

652. 'CAUSE THE KIDS IT'S 9.

653. OVER ON THE GUY'S DESK

654. AND HE'S LIKE TAKIN' HIM FROM WHICH ISN'T RIGHT.

655. IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX

656. I DON'T CONDONE IT. I THINK IT'S WRONG.

657. I DO A LOT OF P:S.A.s

658. TO SUPPORT "DO NOT

659. SO THEY'RE ALL FUCKING RIGHT?

660. KID CAN'T TAKE IT.

661. IT'S LIKE A

662. IN A CIRCLE 'CAUSE HE CAN'T CONTROL IT.

663. IT'S KIND OF LIKE CURLY IN "THE STOOGES".

664. "MO, LARRY, THE CHEESE."

665. IT'S GOING ALL OVER THE IT'S LIKE SPIN ART,

666. SO YOU DON'T KNOW

667. THAT'S HOW... WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

668. THEN! THERE'S MORE.

669. YOU GET TO BE A

670. THIS IS...

671. SINGING "MAKE 'EM L..."

672. AND "BE A CLOWN".

673. THE FATHER'S HAEMORRHOID RIGHT?

674. EXCEPT HE'S COVERED IN SHIT.

675. THEY'RE MAD

676. 'CAUSE ALL KIDDING ASIDE...

677. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS

678. JACKIN' AND...

679. OH, CAN I GET A COPY OF THIS?

680. I'D LIKE TO SEND IT TO "FULL HOUSE" IF I COULD.

681. FATHER CAN'T HELP HIMSELF,

682. HE

683. AND THE THING YOU'RE

684. I CUM INSIDE MY DAUGHTER'S

685. I'M NOT SURE IF YOU'RE

686. IT'S GOOD,

687. THE "DIRTY SANCHEZ".

688. THAT'S WHERE YOU FUCK

689. THAT'S ON YOUR DICK.

690. THEN THERE'S THE "STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE".

691. IN THE NOSE!

692. SHE'S BLEEDING, AND THERE'S WHITE...

693. THEN A "RUSTY TROMBONE",

694. C'MON! THE "RUSTY TROMBONE", PEOPLE'VE HEARD IT.

695. A MAN'S ASSHOLE,

696. AND THEN THERE'S

697. AND THAT'S HOW YA...

698. AND THEN THERE'S "SPACE DOCKING"

699. IN A GIRL'S PUSSY.

700. I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S

701. "AND THEN HE TOOK

702. AND THE INTAKE:."

703. I'M FUCKING MY DAUGHTER,

704. WHILE SHE'S KNOBBING MY SON.

705. AND... AND HE'S NOT

706. BELIEVES IT'S REALLY

707. AND... AND YOU'D BE

708. THAT'S THE JOY FOR ME

709. VIOLATES SOMEONE'S BOUNDARIES.

710. THE FATHER'S GOT

711. THAT HE'S BEEN

712. AND THEY'VE BEEN YET.

713. SURE THAT YOU HAVEN'T

714. THERE'S ALWAYS THE

715. THE AGENT'S DESK,

716. AND THE KID'S EYE POPS OUT.

717. AND HE'S COCKEYED. NO?

718. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

719. I'M SORRY. I GOT

720. IS THAT IT'S SO

721. THAT IT'S ALMOST THE

722. THERE'S SOMETHING

723. BY

724. THERE'S SOMETHING VERY

725. WAS "THE ARISTOCRATS"

726. "HUH".

727. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

728. OH, LORD:

729. THAT YOU JUST DON'T CARE.

730. I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT

731. HE'S GOT A

732. ON THE GUY'S ROD.

733. THEY'RE BUILDING IT'S...

734. IT'S SOMETHING YOU IT'S PHENOMENAL.

735. KIND OF...

736. AND I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER

737. I'M GUESSING, I'VE

738. OH, THAT WASN'T AN ANIMAL,

739. THAT WASN'T AN ANIMAL. WHAT WAS IT?

740. IT WASN'T AN ANIMAL.

741. WE'RE SO CONDITIONED

742. WHERE IT'S SET-UP,

743. THEY THINK THEY'RE THEY DON'T...

744. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT

745. 'CAUSE YOU DON'T

746. WORK IN AMERICA?

747. LIKE "ARISTOCRATS".

748. THAT'S JUST

749. AND IT'S LIKE, "THE ARISTOCRATS".

750. DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.

751. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE,

752. "WHAT'S AN ARISTOCRAT?"

753. BUT IT'S THE ONLY WORD

754. "THE SOPHISTICATES".

755. THAT'S NICE; "THE SOPHISTICATES".

756. I PERSONALLY THINK IT'S "THE SOPHISTICATES".

757. "OH, WE'RE 'SOPHISTICATES'."

758. THE

759. THAT'S A POLITICAL

760. IT'S NOT ABOUT DEMOCRATS

761. I DON'T THINK THE

762. THERE'S NO ACT ARISTOCRAT WOULDN'T DO...

763. IF IT DOESN'T INVOLVE

764. OF "MONTY PYTHON AND

765. THERE'S

766. "INSTEAD OF 'ARISTOCRAT' OR 'SOPHISTICATES',

767. WE USE 'ROYALTY'."

768. THERE'S "DEBONAIRS"

769. BUT THAT DOESN'T

770. IT WAS "THE DEBONAIRS",

771. "THE DEBONAIRS".

772. THE, UH, "THE ARISTOCRATS" YOU THINK ABOUT IT!

773. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE YOU.

774. THAT'S THE ORIGINAL

775. I'M FROM PHILADELPHIA. YOU

776. THE

777. TELLING OF "THE ARISTOCRAT".

778. AND YOU SEE

779. AND THAT'S WHAT

780. THERE'S ONE VERY HEAVY SIGNER.

781. HE'S THE ONE THAT

782. A LOT OF TELL THIS "ARISTOCRAT"

783. AND THAT'S FUCKED.

784. UH...

785. "THE TALE OF PUSHTUCHKIN",

786. "VAT IS DAT?"

787. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

788. THERE'S A SIMILAR TALE.

789. CONSTANT! EAT,

790. "WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS ACT?"THE ARISTOCRATS." HE'S DEAD.

791. "GRANDPA'S DEAD.

792. OH, 'THE ARISTOCRATS'.

793. ALL OF A I GET THIS."

794. NO

795. MY GRANDFATHER'S UNCLE'S YAN...

796. SEE THAT'S BAD

797. AND I

798. SHE'S FROM, UH, POLAND,

799. SHE KNEW WAS 'CUNT'.

800. I REMEMBER "CUNT",

801. "EAT, EAT," AND...

802. AND "CUNT".

803. IT'S PROBABLY WRONG.

804. Carrie Fisher:

805. THERE WAS A GOAT IN "TAMMY"

806. MY MOTHER'S A

807. "SINGING IN THE RAIN"

808. BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY

809. UH...

810. IN THE

811. I'M GOING TO

812. AND THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE

813. MACY'S-

814. I'M GOING TO TAKE IT

815. AND I'M GOING TO WRAP IT

816. WHERE'D THAT NOTE GO?

817. BAND'S GOING TO JUMP UP,

818. AND I'M GOING TO SHINE MY

819. TAP, TAP, TAP,

820. AND THAT'S THE ACT.

821. I'M GOING TO CALL IT...

822. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

823. ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?

824. THIS IS A JOKE THAT'S

825. "IT'S A MUON, YOU CUNT!"

826. TO "THAT'S WHY THE GROUP

827. THERE'S AN AUDITION

828. "LISTEN, THIS IS A VERY,

829. I'D LIKE YOU TO BE ABLE

830. CLASSY." AND THE GUY SAYS, "I CAN DO ANYTHING."

831. IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

832. "THAT'S GREAT. I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT SONG BEFORE."

833. "WELL, IT'S AN ORIGINAL. I WROTE IT MYSELF."

834. "OH REALLY, UH, WHAT'S IT CALLED?"

835. AND HE SAYS IT'S CALLED "MY DOG WAS

836. LICKING MY BALLS."

837. "WELL, THAT'S, UH... DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SONGS?"

838. "YOU KNOW WHAT? I I'LL PLAY FOR YOU."

839. "OH THAT WAS GREAT! WHAT WAS THAT?" AND HE SAYS...

840. "I ATE YOUR SISTER'S BLOODY TAMPON."

841. "HEY! IT'S A PLEASE!

842. NO MORE OF THAT." HE "OH, FINE, FINE."

843. "YOU KNOW, I REALLY I

844. DON'T TELL THEM ANY NAMES OF YOUR SONGS."

845. "OKAY, THAT'S ALL RIGHT." JUST THAT NIGHT,

846. THE

847. "JUST GIVE ME A BREAK, GO TO THE CAN."

848. HE

849. "HEY,

850. YOU KNOW YOUR ZIPPER'S UNDONE AND YOUR DICK'S HANGING OUT."

851. "KNOW IT? I WROTE IT!"

852. THAT'S WHAT A GROUP

853. THEY'VE SEEN SHITTY ACTS.

854. UH, REEFERTONES:

855. IT'S DONE IN EVERY

856. YOU'LL

857. "THE GOURMET CORNER".

858. THERE'S A SADNESS

859. "THE ARISTOCRATS"

860. BECAUSE THEY'RE CLINGING

861. I DON'T PUT "THE ARISTOCRATS" ON MY YOU KNOW?

862. IT DOESN'T TAKE

863. IT'S KIND OF WEIRD TO BE

864. MY DAD, ME,

865. THEY'D DO A... LIKE,

866. THEY'RE HOLDING

867. MY

868. IT'S PRETTY...

869. IT'S PRETTY SPECTACULAR.

870. AND IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING.

871. IT'S A JOKE ABOUT

872. IT'S ABOUT A FAMILY.

873. IT'S ABOUT THE HOPES AND

874. DID I SAY THAT?

875. IT'S A SETBACK,

876. IT'S

877. IT'S NOT A HANDICAP. I DON'T WANT TO SAY IT'S A GIFT.

878. YOU TO BE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"?

879. NOT "THE TONIGHT SHOW",

880. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

881. OUR

882. BROTHER WEREN'T THERE,

883. WEREN'T THERE.

884. HE SAID IT WASN'T UM...

885. WE,

886. IN HIS APARTMENT?

887. UM... HUH.

888. CALLED UNCLE JOE'S BED

889. 'CAUSE A COUCH IS YOU KNOW?

890. "I AM THIS WEIRD,

891. AND RESPECT."

892. MAYBE THAT'S THE

893. I DON'T... I'M... I'VE PLAYED BY

894. DON'T WANT TO

895. THEY GOING TO DO?

896. WITH THE OLSEN TWINS?

897. AND I THINK YOU'RE ALL

898. ALL OF US

899. MARRIED WHEN WE'RE YOUNG

900. AND WE CAN'T FUCK

901. EAT OUT ANOTHER STARFISH?

902. I'M AN ACTOR, I

903. "YOU WERE GREAT ON 'FRIENDS'."

904. YOU'RE NOT

905. I'M THE AGENT AND I'M PITCHING IT, OKAY?

906. SO, THIS VERY

907. A

908. HE'S A HORSE-HUNG GUY.

909. "I WANT THAT COCK TO BUST MY VIRGIN ASS."

910. "LET ME."

911. ASS UP...

912. IN "PULP FICTION".

913. PUSSY BOY'S MOUTH.

914. HE'S GETTING FACE-FUCKED.

915. AND

916. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE'S

917. BUT IT'S WILD.

918. AND IT'S CALLED "THE MISOGYCRATS".

919. MUST CONTAIN SHIT?

920. DON'T INVITE THEM

921. MUST INVOLVE BESTIALITY?

922. DON'T LET THEM

923. IT'S WHERE YOUR DARKEST YOU KNOW?

924. IN A WAY, THIS JOKE REALLY ISN'T

925. IT'S

926. THERE'S SOMETHING QUITE

927. ISN'T IT?

928. "I HAVE GOT THE PERFECT FAMILY ACT."

929. "GO TELL ME."

930. "MY WIFE

931. THE

932. DOG COMES OUT; HE SHITS:

933. THROUGH A HOOP."

934. "WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"

935. "THE ARISTOCRATS."

936. "I ALREADY HAVE AN ACT LIKE THAT."

937. THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED

938. DOESN'T MATTER.

939. "WELL, I'VE ALREADY SEEN THAT."

940. THAT'S NOT REALLY A JOKE ANY MORE.

941. THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY...

942. SAY, "I HAVE A

943. IT

944. 11-

945. FROM THE PAST 'CAUSE

946. FOR GOD'S SAKES.

947. AND THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

948. IT'S NOT A JOKE.

949. AND

950. HA-HA! SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO HITLER'S DICK.

951. THEY'LL BE TURNING IT ON. PHENOMENAL."

952. IT'S A FAMILY ACT. BUT IT'S A...

953. IT'S A TWIST 'CAUSE THEY'RE RETARDED.

954. "WELL, WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?"

955. "THE OSBOURNES."

956. ON TV NOW,

957. ON, YOU KNOW:

958. "FRIENDS". ON... NOT ON "FRIENDS",

959. BUT ON "SOUTH PARK".

960. MY GRANDPA TOLD ME?

961. NO.

962. IT'S A MOTHER, FATHER,

963. "SIR, OUR FAMILY HAS AN AMAZING ACT."

964. "SORRY, WE DON'T

965. THEY'RE TOO CUTESY

966. "PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU

967. WE KNOW YOU'LL

968. "ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE GOT TWO MINUTES."

969. WHAT?

970. DUDE!

971. RIGHT?

972. MOTHER'S SHIT IN

973. AND LICKS THE BABY'S

974. THE MOTHER'S VAGINA.

975. THE MOTHER'S SHIT

976. HIS COCK IN THE BABY'S

977. WHILE IT'S STILL

978. THE

979. CA... I DON'T WANT TO...

980. KYLE! WILL YOU HOLD ON PLEASE?

981. "AND NOW FOR OUR THE VICTIMS OF 9/11."

982. "AAAHHH! AAAHHH!

983. THE BUILDING'S COMING DOWN! HELP!"

984. "TAH-DAH!"

985. "JESUS, THAT'S A

986. CALL IT?"

987. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

988. I DON'T GET IT.

989. IT DOESN'T COUNT

990. WE'RE

991. THAT'S OFFENSIVE NOW.

992. NOW, THE WORLD HAS YOU KNOW?

993. "NIGGAH, DICK, CUNT:." EVERY...

994. THAT.

995. WHEN YOU'RE AMONG

996. WHAT? COMEDIAN TELLING IT TO COMEDIANS AS A:?

997. HE'D PROBABLY DO A FILTHIER,

998. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PERFORMING

999. YET THERE'S NO HOLDS BARRED,

1000. AND THERE'S A LEVEL

1001. THAT'S GOING TO SORT

1002. I'M A WRITER AT THE "NEW YORK OBSERVER".

1003. I'VE BEEN COVERING THE FRIAR'S ROAST,

1004. ABOUT GILBERT GOTTFRIED'S TAKE ON "THE ARISTOCRATS".

1005. AFTER SEPTEMBER 11th,

1006. THERE HADN'T BEEN ANY

1007. GET

1008. IT WASN'T AN EASY SELL,

1009. FOR 9/11

1010. JOKES DIDN'T WORK.

1011. "ROB,

1012. HASN'T THERE BEEN ENOUGH BOMBING IN THIS CITY?"

1013. IT WAS UN...

1014. HE WAS NERVOUS 'CAUSE HIS

1015. BUILDING.

1016. "TOO SOON, TOO SOON."

1017. A MAN...

1018. "WHAT KIND OF AN ACT DO YOU DO?"

1019. "OKAY, I CAN'T PUSH

1020. SO I'M GOING TO PUSH DIFFERENT DIRECTION."

1021. DOG'S ASSHOLE.

1022. BLOWING HIS FATHER!

1023. AT THE BEGINNING?

1024. I'LL REPEAT IT.

1025. Frank Digiacomo:

1026. "WHERE IS HE GOING TO TAKE THIS THING?"

1027. THE FATHER'S ASSHOLE.

1028. I'LL WAIT TILL YOU'RE READY.

1029. WE'RE ON THE FLOOR.

1030. I WAS LAUGHING 'CAUSE

1031. WHICH I CAN'T IMAGINE

1032. JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD.

1033. NOW WHERE WAS I? OH YES.

1034. HIS FATHER'S ASSHOLE.

1035. BECAUSE I COULDN'T...

1036. COULDN'T CATCH MY

1037. PORTION OF THIS?

1038. "WELL, THAT'S AN INTERESTING ACT,"

1039. JUST...

1040. THEY'RE ALL IN COMEDY,

1041. AND IT WAS AS IF HE

1042. NOW...

1043. Frank Digiacomo:

1044. Frank Digiacomo:

1045. ELSE WHO WASN'T A

1046. SO FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

1047. IT'S A PICASSO.

1048. I DIDN'T

1049. "FUCKING AND SUCKING AND FUCKING:."

1050. ALMOST DOESN'T MATTER.

1051. "NOW WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"

1052. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

1053. OH-HO!

1054. SEE... IT'S JUST A...

1055. IT'S JUST A JOKE.

1056. HELP!

1057. IT'S AS SHOCKING AS ISN'T IT?

1058. DON'T TOUCH ME.

1059. THAT YOU REMEMBER?

1060. I DIDN'T

1061. I'M ALREADY FEELING LIKE I DIDN'T DO IT JUSTICE.

1062. BUT I DIDN'T...

1063. I DIDN'T COLOUR IT IN

1064. UH, "AN ARM LIKE POPEYE."

1065. I DIDN'T REALIZE THE

1066. WHAT'S THE MOST

1067. THAT'S GOOD. ADD

1068. A SHIT? THE RACIAL ISSUE

1069. I'M THE AGENT AND YOU'RE THE CLIENT.

1070. ARE YOU

1071. THIEVING FUCK?

1072. "YEAH, WHAT DO YOU DO?"

1073. "A BLACK

1074. SUCKIN' MY COCK

1075. LIKE IT'S A

1076. EVERYBODY'S WALLET,

1077. GAY GUY'S ASS

1078. FUCKING FLOOR."

1079. "HOLY SHIT.

1080. CALL YOURSELVES?"

1081. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

1082. UH, AGENT'S OFFICE.

1083. "WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO?"

1084. "WELL, MY

1085. UH, CHOPIN'S, UH, "THIRD MOVEMENT IN B MINOR".

1086. DECROIX'S "THE GIRL".

1087. "WOW,

1088. CALL THIS ACT?"

1089. "OH, WE'RE 'NIGGER CUNTS'."

1090. BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THAT.

1091. THAT'S THE TWO WORST

1092. I'M A GREAT BELIEVER

1093. IF THEY'RE

1094. ANYTHING'S ACCEPTABLE.

1095. LET'S

1096. UH, JANUARY 3rd,

1097. ON JANUARY 3rd,

1098. DOHENY.

1099. THAT'S WHAT

1100. I PULL UP MOMMY'S DRESS,

1101. TILL IT'S FINALLY JUST A

1102. YOU TO SEA WORLD?

1103. ASS. IT'S LIKE A SHILLELAGH.

1104. IT'S ALL KNOTTED WITH

1105. I'LL SHOW YOU A

1106. SEEN GALLAGHER?

1107. I DIDN'T LIKE

1108. "TAH-DAH!"

1109. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

1110. THAT THERE'S STILL

1111. SHOULDN'T TELL,

1112. MAYBE THEY'RE

1113. EVEN IN TODAY'S

1114. 'CAUSE I WAS...

1115. IT'S FUNNY, BEFORE

1116. UM, AND THAT THE... HEY!

1117. "THE ARISTOCRATS".

1118. YOU DON'T GET THE JOKE?

1119. BUT I DON'T GET IT.

1120. 'CAUSE IT'S A WHOLE FAMILY'S HAVING

1121. NO, IT'S... IT'S THAT ARISTOCRATIC?

1122. IT'S MORE

1123. UM...

1124. IT'S BEST IF WE DON'T BREAK IT DOWN.

1125. WITH THAT?

1126. NO, I DON'T WANT

1127. THAT'S GREAT.

1128. THE BEST LOOKIN' ASS

1129. DON'T EVER ASK ME TO DO

1130. I'M NOT GOING TO WORK

1131. "WHY DOES ANAL SEX

1132. ROLE IN HUMOUR?"

1133. "I CAN'T TELL YOU, BUT I CAN SHOW YOU."

1134. I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HER.

1135. BUT YOU'VE NEVER MET HER? NO.

1136. DOES EVERYONE DO IT? DOES EVERYONE DO THIS?

1137. OR NO?

1138. ALL RIGHT. FUCK. SHIT.

1139. "HEY!

1140. OR A JOKE?"

1141. "IT WAS SERIOUS." "THANK GOD,

1142. I CAN'T STAND JOKES LIKE THAT."

1143. IS ANY OF THIS FUNNY?

1144. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T PAN TO THEM; STAY ON ME:

1145. DON'T, DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

1146. THERE'S GOING TO BE PROBLEMS.

1147. REDFORD'S THING, 2020?

1148. I'LL TRY TO BE

1149. IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT YOU TALK ABOUT CUNTS FOR 10 MINUTES

1150. "PERFECT, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED."

1151. "I DIDN'T

1152. OR A CUB SCOUT."

1153. THE DOG'S NAME IS PEANUT, UM, AND SHE IS BLIND:

1154. UH, SHE WASN'T BLIND

1155. JUST SO SHE'D BE A

1156. THAT'S GOOD.

1157. THAT'S GOOD.

1158. THING ON?

1159. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING,

1160. AND I'M REALLY STEAMED!

1161. AM I DOING?

1162. LAUGHS OUT OF THIS?

1163. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!

1164. IT'S 'CAUSE IT'S ABSOLUTELY

1165. IS IT ON?

1166. YOU'RE NOT TAPING YET, REALLY ARE YOU?

1167. GOODBYE!

1168. THERE GOES THE MIC!

1169. THEY'RE NOW GOING TO TAKE MY

1170. AND... DARLING WOULD YOU GET ME A CUP OF TEA?

1171. GET IT YOURSELF!

1172. IT'S SO NICE TO BE PART OF

1173. "HEY, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?"

1174. "BROOKLYN,

1175. THERE'S HUNDREDS OF THEM."

1176. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE

1177. THE WORLD'S

1178. "ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.

1179. NO, THIS WAY, THIS WAY:

1180. SIR, SIR, SIR?

1181. SIR? HUH?

1182. THANK YOU!

1183. OH...

1184. "ARISTOCRATS".