1. George Carlin:
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2. IT'S JUST,
"HERE WE GO, FOLKS."
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3. YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE
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4. AND BAM!
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5. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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6. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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7. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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8. THE WHAT?
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9. I'VE HEARD THE JOKE,
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10. BUT I DON'T REMEMBER
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11. THAT JOKE'S BEEN AROUND.
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12. "THE ARISTOCRATS" IS
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13. I THINK IT WAS THE "NINA"
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14. OR THE "PINTA" ON
THE "SANTA MARIA"
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15. ME. I'M NOT QUITE SURE.
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16. THE TIME.
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17. YOU CHOSE THIS ONE?
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18. Michael McKean:
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19. MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE,
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20. THE
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21. WE
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22. AND I DON'T KNOW
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23. APPARENTLY O'DONOGHUE
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24. I HEARD MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE
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25. IT'S THE ONLY JOKE I KNOW
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26. I'M ALWAYS SHOCKED WHEN
PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS JOKE.
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27. IT WAS SHOCKING!
YOU'D NEVER HEARD THAT.
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28. "SECOND CITY" IN CHICAGO.
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29. THAT'S
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30. "THE ARISTOCRATS"
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31. "CATCH A RISING STAR"
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32. Chris Albrecht:
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33. IN NEW YORK IN '73, DID
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34. AND ONE OF THE
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35. "THE ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.
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36. "THE ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.
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37. BUT WE'RE ALSO IN
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38. ARE
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39. THAT'S... WAS,
TO ME, SYMBOLIZED
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40. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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41. I DON'T THINK COMICS
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42. THAT'S BEEN GOING ON
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43. IN... NEXT TO THE
YOU DIG?
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44. I DON'T THINK COMEDIANS TOLD
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45. TELL JOKES ON STAGE?
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46. YOU DON'T DO
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47. THAT'S THE TOTAL
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48. 'CAUSE YOU'RE VIEWED
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49. URBAN LEGENDS GO?
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50. EH, THE PEOPLE
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51. WHO SAW THIS GUY DOIN' IT,
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52. PERFORMIN' IT.
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53. IT'S THE KIND OF JOKE
THAT YOU LOVE TELLIN'
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54. WE'RE DIFFERENT,
WE'RE IN HERE,
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55. IT'S... THERE'S NO RULES.
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56. "WAIT TILL YOU HEAR
THIS," YOU KNOW?
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57. AT ABOUT 4:30, 5:00
O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
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58. IT, LIKE A POWERHOUSE:
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59. "AND
WHAT'S IT'S CALLED?"
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60. IT'S A SHOW-OFFY KIND
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61. I THINK IT'S THE WAY I TOLD
IT, WORD FOR WORD: TO EMO,
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62. THERE'S THE BASIC FRAMEWORK,
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63. I DON'T KNOW THE
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64. IT'S LOST.
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65. IT'S A
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66. EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT
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67. OUT TO BE THE ONE
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68. IT'S THE LAST
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69. HE
"WHAT DO YOU DO?"
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70. "WELL, MY
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71. AND WALLOW IN IT."
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72. "WHAT KIND OF
AN ACT DO YOU CALL THAT?"
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73. "WE CALL
IT 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
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74. THE JOKE SUCKS!
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75. ON A DOCUMENTARY!
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76. LET ME
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77. IT'S A
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78. IT'S GOT A TWO
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79. YOU CAN DO
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80. IT'S LIKE A JAZZ THEME.
THERE'S THE BASIC MELODY
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81. AS
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82. "WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"
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83. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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84. IT'S FILLED WITH VULGARITY.
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85. IT'S NOT KIND OF VULGAR.
IT'S... IT'S REVOLTING.
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86. YOU'RE DISGUSTING
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87. THAT'S THE CRAFT OF...
IS HOW
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88. THAT'S THE THING YOU
CAN'T... YOU CAN'T BOTTLE,
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89. 'CAUSE THAT'S A
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90. GUY GOES IN THE AGENT'S
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91. "I GOT AN ACT FOR YOU.
WAIT'LL YOU HEAR THIS."
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92. "ALL RIGHT,
IT. WHAT'S THE ACT?"
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93. "MY WIFE AND
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94. I'VE TAKEN A LOT
OF, UH, MEDICINE
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95. AND I'VE EATEN A LOT
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96. IT'S MOSTLY LIQUID.
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97. IT'S, UH, LIKE
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98. I TRY TO GET A LOT
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99. SO THAT THERE'S A
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100. IT'S NOT JUST A STREAM
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101. INTO...
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102. I CAN HIT HER
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103. IT'S KIND OF LIKE
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104. IT 'CAUSE I CAN HEAR
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105. WHETHER IT'S HITTING
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106. SO, I GET AS MUCH
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107. IT.
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108. SHE'S GARGLING, GARGLING,
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109. AND, UH, WE'RE OFF. IT'S
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES TOTAL."
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110. "OH.
WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"
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111. "THE ARISTOCRATS."
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112. AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT
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113. IT'S A BLANK, UH, SLATE,
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114. PEOPLE TRULY BIZARRE?
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115. WHETHER IT'S A SHUFFLEBOARD
UP A NICE ANIMAL'S BEHIND
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116. "NEARER MY GOD TO THEE"
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117. "WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD"
IN UNISON!
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118. AND I'M CATCHING
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119. HE CUMS ON MY WIFE'S TITS.
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120. JIZM INTO $100 SEATS:
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121. HOW THEY'RE COORDINATED
LIKE THAT?
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122. ON THE
HAS AN ABORTION!
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123. POUND SHETLAND PONY!
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124. AND PAID 280!
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125. AND I DON'T KNOW
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126. SINCE EVERYBODY'S... YOU
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127. IT'S JUST REALLY FILTHY,
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128. TALENT AGENT'S OFFICE,
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129. "I HAVE THE
GREATEST ACT IN THE WORLD."
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130. "WHAT'S THE ACT?"
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131. THAT'S ALL YOU
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132. ALL YOU HAD TO DO IS
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133. YOU
MAKE...
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134. IT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
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135. WE'RE HIGH-FLYING
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136. ALL THE WAY UP
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137. SKATE IN SHIT?
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138. AND THEY'RE WAPPING
IN EACH OTHER'S FACES!
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139. THE SPLITS IN THE SHIT?
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140. BUT THAT'S THE...
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141. THAT'S THE FINISH?
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142. EVERYBODY SICK?
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143. HEY, SHIT AND
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144. BUT
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145. FORGET IT!
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146. SO IT'S GOT A LOT...
IT'S EDGE HUMOUR.
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147. IT'S PUSHING THE EDGE
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148. SHE'S GOT A BUCKET OF SHIT.
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149. THE GUY'S HEAD.
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150. HE'S THREE YEARS OLD...
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151. THAT'S ADORABLE...
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152. IT'S A DISGUSTING
IT'S SHIT.
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153. IS BECAUSE I'M REALLY
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154. DURING THE ACT?
OH, ABSOLUTELY:
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155. I'VE HEARD SHITTING
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156. OF GRANDPA'S DIAPERS,
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157. I'VE HEARD BRINGING ANIMALS
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158. I FORGOT THE DOG!
THERE'S A DOG TOO!
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159. OH, HO!
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160. THAT'S CALLED BESTIALITY.
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161. YES...
IT'S IN THE BIBLE.
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162. IT'S IN
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163. HE SAID IT'S IN HIS DIARY.
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164. I'VE HEARD, UH...
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165. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE
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166. IT'S A FAMILY ACT,
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167. YOU
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168. OR TOUCH MY NEPHEW'S PENIS.
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169. A LOT OF YOU ARE
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170. "WELL, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
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171. BLOOD COME FROM?
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172. YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT BLOOD."
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173. WHO'S YOUNG AND HER
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174. WHERE IT'S LIKE THE
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175. I'LL WAIT.
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176. NATURALLY SHE'S
GOING TO BE BLEEDING!
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177. I'M JUST MAKING A POINT.
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178. THERE'S INCEST.
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179. AND ALL THE THINGS
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180. WITH PEOPLE'S, UH,
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181. I FUCKED MY WIFE! I FUCKED
MY SISTER! I FUCKED MY SON!
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182. EVERYBODY'S FUCKED.
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183. IT'S LIKE A
TOURETTE'S SYNDROME JOKE.
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184. I'M HORRIFIED AND
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185. IT'S LIKE A DOG
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186. YOU DON'T WANT TO
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187. IT'S A PERFECT JOKE.
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188. SO THE WAY I
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189. ME, THE SWEETNESS OF
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190. "WE HAVE AN ACT.
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191. OF YOUR TIME. WE HAVE:."
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192. "GO AHEAD. YOU HAVE
ME ABOUT YOUR ACT."
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193. "WELL, IT'S
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194. IT'S A BIT OF A NOVELTY.
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195. IT'S MYSELF, MY
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196. I'M IN A TUXEDO.
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197. NOW HE'S FUCKING MY WIFE.
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198. SHE'S 15. SHE COMES IN.
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199. MY SON'S GOT HIS
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200. MY DAUGHTER'S GIVING
IT'S A
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201. WE'RE ALL FUCKING,
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202. IS JUST EVERYBODY'S.
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203. SHE'S... SHE'S GRABBING
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204. AND
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205. SHIT ON THE STAGE."
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206. "WOW,
THAT'S A HELL OF AN ACT.
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207. CALL YOURSELVES?"
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208. "THE ARISTOCRATS."
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209. YOU... GET TO ACTUALLY SAY
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210. UH,
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211. YOU DON'T
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212. IN MY
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213. SO, SHOCK IS ONLY
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214. THE OTHER THING IS THERE'S
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215. I DON'T KNOW WHICH.
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216. TO ME, YOU GOT TO SAVE THE
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217. IF YOU PUT IT IN
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218. SO, IT'S GOT TO BE FUCK,
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219. IT'S CHAOS.
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220. THE WAY I'VE GOT
IT, INCEST IS NEXT
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221. I'M ALL ABOUT
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222. INCESTUOUS?
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223. AS I'M FUCKING MY WIFE,
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224. "GOOD NIGHT,
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT!"
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225. IT'S PRICELESS.
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226. SO NOW I'M FUCKING
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227. SO I'M FUCKING MY
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228. IT'S A REAL CROWD-
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229. WHILE HE'S PISSING
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230. WHO'S BEING BUTT-FUCKED
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231. GRANDMA'S DEAD.
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232. LET'S SAY IT JUST STARTS
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233. PORNOGRAPHIC.
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234. YOU'D HAVE TO GO AND HELP
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235. "THAT'S AWFUL.
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236. WHAT DO YOU CALL THE ACT?"
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237. HE, LIKE: THE NAME'S
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238. WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND,
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239. 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T
MATTER WHAT IT'S CALLED
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240. FIND EMPLOYMENT?
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241. DEVELOP THIS ACT?
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242. THIS WAS ENTERTAINING?
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243. IT'S SURPRISING
THAT THEY HAVEN'T...
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244. THAT THEY'RE
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245. 'COURSE, YOU'RE
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246. "WELL, WHY
DIDN'T HE STOP THEM
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247. 'THIS IS TOTALLY
WRONG!
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248. SOMETHING HORRIBLE'S
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249. AND PERFORMING BESTIALITY.'
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250. WHY, OH WHY, IS HE
ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN?"
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251. BUT THAT'S A
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252. "WHAT IS IT CALLED?"
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253. THAT'S WHAT HAPP...
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254. "WHAT IS IT C..."
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255. THERE'S NO LEGAL SYSTEM
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256. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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257. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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258. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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259. THAT'S GREAT.
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260. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
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261. HE'S GOING, "I THINK
IT'S ALL IN THE SNAP."
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262. NOW, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO
THAT WHEN THEY TELL IT?
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263. ONE.
AND I'M THE ONLY ONE?
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264. REALLY?
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265. THAT'S... I ALWAYS
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266. OR...?
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267. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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268. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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269. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
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270. "THE ARISTOC..."
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271. THE END.
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272. I SAY... NO, IT'S
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273. ME, "WHEN THEY FINISH,
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274. THEY'RE COVERED IN SWEAT
AND THEY'RE COVERED IN CUM
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275. AND THEY'RE COVERED IN SHIT,
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276. AND LIKE:."
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277. "WHAT DO YOU
CALL YOURSELVES?"
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278. "THE ARISTOCRATS!"
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279. AH, IT'S SO GREAT.
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280. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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281. THAT'S REALLY ALL
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282. SO, UH, THIS COCKSUC:
WHAT WAS IT?
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283. THERE'S
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284. FETAL OR FECAL?
NO, FETAL IS FETAL:
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285. I'VE
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286. I THINK IT'S JUST, UH...
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287. THE
PUNCHLINE DOESN'T WORK.
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288. "I'VE GOT THIS ACT."
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289. "IT'S
A FAMILY ACT."
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290. "I GOT SHIT EVERYWHERE.
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291. I DON'T WANT A FAMILY ACT."
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292. NO, NO, THAT COULD WORK:
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293. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
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294. "I WANT...
AM I BOTHERING YOU?"
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295. HAVE YOU DONE IT?
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296. I'LL FILM YOU NOW.
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297. THEATRICAL AGENT'S OFFICE
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298. "WE HAVE
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299. AND WE'RE CALLED
'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
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300. IT'S JUST A GUY, GOES INTO
A TALENT AGENT'S OFFICE.
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301. DOESN'T MATTER WHERE.
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302. IT'S A STEAMY LITTLE
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303. THERE'S BARELY R... IT'S
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304. JOE FRANKLIN'S OFFICE?
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305. I'VE BEEN IN THIS
OFFICE SINCE 2000 B:C.
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306. WORLD'S LONGEST-
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307. I'M JOE FRANKLIN.
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308. IT'S THAT OFFICE.
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309. AN AGENT'S OFFICE
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310. AND, UH, IT'S
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311. FUCKING THING!
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312. ALL RIGHT ALREADY!
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313. ALL RIGHT!
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314. "MY WIFE COMES OUT
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315. PLAYS 'TEA FOR TWO'
ON THE XYLOPHONE."
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316. WITH HER CUNT?
NO, NO, NO.
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317. "GOD BLESS AMERICA".
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318. IT'S REAL
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319. EACH OTHER?
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320. YECCH! EVER SEEN AN
OLD WOMAN'S CUNT?
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321. SO THEN...
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322. YOU'RE KILLING
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323. YOU'RE A LOSER.
YOU CAN'T TELL
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324. "MY SON COMES OUT,
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325. SHE'S A REAL SEXY
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326. I HIT HER ON
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327. THAT'S THE KIND OF
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328. I GOT ALL
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329. "THE ARISTOCATS"!
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330. "CRATS"! AAHHH!
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331. IT'S THE ARISTOCRATS,
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332. "THE ARISTOCATS".
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333. GO, "BABABADA...
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334. AND
SHE'S DOING..."
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335. "WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"
"THE ARISTOCATS".
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336. OH! NO, NO, NO!
"THE ARISTOCRATS"!
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337. "WHY... WHY DID HE SAY
'CATS' AND THEN 'CRATS'?"
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338. "HE DIDN'T, I JUST
HAD A PROBLEM."
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339. "WAIT A SECOND.
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340. TAKES 11 MINUTES TO TELL
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341. AND YOU DON'T REALLY
UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE?"
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342. SO IT'S... IT WAS A BIT OF
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343. TO...
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344. WON'T LIVE THE HORROR
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345. I
CAN'T REMEMBER THEM.
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346. "HEY, OW!
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347. TO BE FUNNY?"
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348. "NO."
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349. I'M SORRY.
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350. I
DON'T DO JOKES.
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351. I DON'T DO JOKES
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352. AND I DON'T EVEN
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353. IT
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354. IT'S ALWAYS ATTITUDE.
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355. I'VE NEVER BEEN ONE
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356. NOT THAT THERE'S
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357. BUT IT'S NEVER
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358. "MY GOD,
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359. THAT'S THE JOKE I SHOULD'VE
WRITTEN BUT I NEVER WILL."
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360. "WE HAVE
GREAT ACT."
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361. "WHAT
DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"
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362. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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363. "I LOVE IT,
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364. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO BOOK
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365. NOW I'M GOING
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366. NAME 'THE ARISTOCRATS'?"
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367. THERE'S A SLIGHTLY
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368. "OKAY, YEAH.
WHAT'S YOUR ACT DO?"
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369. "THERE'S A GIRL COMES OUT
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370. ON THE DONKEY."
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371. "LISTEN, WE... WE
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372. I'M NOT SURE THAT'S
THE KIND OF ACT:."
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373. "WELL, WAIT!
YOU'LL REALLY ENJOY
'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
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374. SO THERE'S
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375. AND IT'S A
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376. YOU
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
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377. THE MANAGER'S LYING,
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378. THAT THEY DON'T
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379. THEY'RE FUNNY,
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380. BUT HE NOW HAS TO
"LISTEN,
I'VE SOLD YOU.
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381. BUT THERE'S THIS
OTHER THING YOU'RE
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382. YOU'RE GOING
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383. AND SHIT IN A:."
"WHAT?"
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384. "WITH THE GUY'S SAXOPHONE."
"THE F...
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385. THE FUCKING WHAT? WHAT
WAS THAT DONKEY SHIT?"
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386. EVERYBODY'S
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387. IT'S A... IT'S
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388. IT'D GO WITH THE
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389. ACT. WHAT DO
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390. THEY DO?
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391. IT'S A
JUGGLING ACT?
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392. UP, SO HIS...
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393. YOU'RE PUTTING ME
ON, AREN'T YOU?
NO, NO, NO.
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394. THE
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395. AND, UH...
OH, GET OUT
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396. NO.
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397. NAKED CHILDREN?
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398. DO A SE...
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399. THEY THROW UP?
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400. HAVE THEY WORKED?
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401. ALL THE
BEST PLACES?
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402. KNOW WHAT THEY'RE...
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403. UH, NOT
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404. NO, I MEAN:
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405. IT'S KIND
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406. THEIR NAME?
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407. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
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408. THE WHAT?
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409. "THE 'RISTOCRATS"?
"THE ARISTOCRATS".
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410. BUT YOU DIDN'T THINK
THAT WAS FUNNY?
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411. NO.
HUH.
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412. IT'S A CLASSIC.
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413. THAT A CLASSIC?
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414. AND "THE ARISTOCRATS"
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415. 60, 70 YEARS
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416. I'LL STILL... I'LL
THINK IT'S FUNNY?
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417. "ARISTOCRATS",
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418. I DIDN'T.
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419. YOU'RE...
YOU'RE A STRAIGHT MAN.
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420. YOU'RE NOT...
YOU'RE NOT
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421. "THE ARISTOCRATS" IS
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422. A...
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423. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
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424. THE MOTHER'S USING
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425. "WHAT DO YOU
CALL YOURSELVES?"
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426. "'TIS WELL WE CALL OURSELVES
'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
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427. IT'S THE LAST
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428. ON STAGE.
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429. OF THE GUY WHO'S
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430. OUT OF THE BABY'S MOUTH.
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431. THAN BIRTH?
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432. "I'M
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433. HE
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434. PLAYING "BEGIN THE BEGUINE",
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435. SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE
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436. I THINK SHE'S
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437. BUT THEN AS YOU'RE
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438. SO IT'S FUNNY
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439. SURE I COULD'VE TOLD IT
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440. NO, I NEEDED THE
WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW.
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441. IS
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442. SHE COULD'VE BEEN...
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443. THAT...
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444. "BEGIN THE BEGUINE"
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445. THEY WON'T
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446. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT
PHYLLIS' DEMEANOUR.
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447. THEY'LL DEFINITELY
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448. BECAUSE IF I DON'T SAY
"COCK", THEY'RE PISSED.
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449. A FEMALE WOULDN'T EVER
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450. I'M SICK OF WOMEN GOING,
"IT'S A GUY THING."
Copy !req
451. IT'S A JOKE. FUNNY...
Copy !req
452. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL STRAP IT ON.
Copy !req
453. 'CAUSE I
GO...
Copy !req
454. "WHAT,
YOU DIDN'T CURSE?"
Copy !req
455. I'M TRYING
Copy !req
456. I'M TRYING
Copy !req
457. BUT IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
Copy !req
458. AND THEY'D BE PULLING
Copy !req
459. OUT OF THEM.
IT'D BE A WHOLE THING.
Copy !req
460. WHY DON'T YOU
Copy !req
461. DO YOUR VERSION?
Copy !req
462. OH, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE
OH, I BET YOU DO:
Copy !req
463. "LET'S SEE THE ACT."
Copy !req
464. "WHOA!"
Copy !req
465. THAT'S THE KIND OF JOKE
Copy !req
466. CLEAN THAT JOKE UP?
Copy !req
467. "THEY'RE MAKING LOVE".
Copy !req
468. THEY'RE ALREADY
SO IT'S ALREADY INCEST.
Copy !req
469. YOU'RE... YOU'RE
Copy !req
470. ME,
Copy !req
471. IF
Copy !req
472. THEY'LL BE BROUGHT UP
Copy !req
473. SHE WAS IN...
Copy !req
474. "WE WORK
IN ONE. IT'S AN OLIO.
Copy !req
475. AND THERE'S A
Copy !req
476. AND...
Copy !req
477. BANG! HITS HER HUSBAND
Copy !req
478. "MY GOD,
Copy !req
479. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE!"
Copy !req
480. "WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
Copy !req
481. AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO LEAVE,
"EXCUSE ME.
Copy !req
482. WHAT'S IN THE OTHER CASE?"
Copy !req
483. "TYLENOL."
Copy !req
484. "AND WHAT'S THE
NAME OF YOUR ACT?"
Copy !req
485. "WE CALL OURSELVES
'THE SOPHISTICATES'."
Copy !req
486. THAT'S HOW I HEARD IT.
Copy !req
487. "NO DIRTY MATERIAL.
NOTHING BLUE."
Copy !req
488. YOU COULDN'T GET ON TV
SO YOU WEREN'T
Copy !req
489. IT DIDN'T
Copy !req
490. YOU'RE DIRTY IS...
Copy !req
491. THAT'S
WHERE IT'S AT.
Copy !req
492. I'M ALWAYS
Copy !req
493. DID
Copy !req
494. THE COPS ON YA?
Copy !req
495. IT'S THE SINGER,
Copy !req
496. IT'S COLTRANE.
Copy !req
497. TELL "THE ARISTOCRATS",
Copy !req
498. IT'S THE SINGER,
Copy !req
499. "I JUST SAW THE
Copy !req
500. IT'S INCREDIBLE!"
Copy !req
501. "WELL, TELL
ME WHAT HAPPENS."
Copy !req
502. "WELL Y...
THERE'S A FAMILY
Copy !req
503. THERE'S A HUSBAND
Copy !req
504. AND THEY'RE JUST
AND
THEY'RE ALL READING,
Copy !req
505. AND THERE'S A LITTLE
Copy !req
506. AND IT'S VERY CALM AND
Copy !req
507. "OH,
WE LOVE YOU."
Copy !req
508. "YOU'RE MY
PRECIOUS ANGELS."
Copy !req
509. AND HE'S GOT A BIG
Copy !req
510. AND HE'S
Copy !req
511. AND THERE'S BLOOD
GUSHING ANY...
Copy !req
512. AND THERE'S SCREAMING
Copy !req
513. "THAT'S HORRIBLE!"
Copy !req
514. "THAT'S... HORRIBLE,
Copy !req
515. I'VE EVER HEARD.
Copy !req
516. THING BE CALLED?
Copy !req
517. WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT IS IT?"
Copy !req
518. "IT'S
CALLED 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
Copy !req
519. "I-I'D LIKE TO SEE
ACTUALLY."
Copy !req
520. IT'S THIS FAMILY,
Copy !req
521. THEY'RE EATING DINNER
Copy !req
522. BRAIDS BETSY'S
Copy !req
523. AND THAT'S THE ACT.
Copy !req
524. AN ACT LIKE THAT?
Copy !req
525. "THE COCKSUCKING
Copy !req
526. THERE'S ANOTHER WHICH
Copy !req
527. "ARISTOCRATS", SO MAYBE
Copy !req
528. "GOOD
Copy !req
529. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
Copy !req
530. "HAVE
YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND?"
Copy !req
531. "OH, ABSOLUTELY.
Copy !req
532. PERHAPS THERE'S
Copy !req
533. I'M NOT REALLY
Copy !req
534. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
Copy !req
535. OUT COME ABOUT 14 MEN
Copy !req
536. COVERED WITH ABORIGINES'
Copy !req
537. "HOW ABOUT YOU?"
Copy !req
538. "STILL... STILL
SAME DEAL?" AND
"YEAH.
Copy !req
539. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
Copy !req
540. "HORRIBLE
Copy !req
541. I
'THE ARISTOCRATS'."
Copy !req
542. AND IT'S SAME SONG,
Copy !req
543. "I BELIEVE THAT
WE'RE ONLY HERE FOR
Copy !req
544. I WILL TAKE DEATH."
Copy !req
545. "OKAY, FINE, DEATH IT IS.
Copy !req
546. 'THE ARISTOCRATS'!"
Copy !req
547. SO THAT'LL BE MY
"ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.
Copy !req
548. 'CAUSE YOU GOT
75 PEOPLE TELLING
Copy !req
549. "MR. TAMBOURINE MAN".
Copy !req
550. IT LIKE "THE BYRDS",
Copy !req
551. OR
Copy !req
552. THERE'S NOT THAT
Copy !req
553. BY ONE OF
Copy !req
554. THEY'D BE
Copy !req
555. THE... TOP GUY
Copy !req
556. ON THE
Copy !req
557. "THE INCREDIBLE
Copy !req
558. JUGGLING BROTHERS."
Copy !req
559. IT TO, UH...
Copy !req
560. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
561. I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS
JAMES LIPTON'S...
Copy !req
562. "THIS HAPPENED.
Copy !req
563. "I THINK I MIGHT
Copy !req
564. THAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
Copy !req
565. WHOLE FAMILY."
Copy !req
566. "THAT'S CRAZY.
Copy !req
567. WHOLE FAMILY? THAT'S..."
Copy !req
568. "A
Copy !req
569. IT'S ALL OVER
Copy !req
570. FORGET IT."
Copy !req
571. THIS IS WHAT'S
Copy !req
572. HE...
Copy !req
573. DON'T GIVE THEM
THE BUM'S RUSH,
Copy !req
574. 'CAUSE THIS FUCK WILL
Copy !req
575. INTO THE AGENT'S OFFICE
Copy !req
576. THE
Copy !req
577. SIS, WHOSE TITS ARE
Copy !req
578. THERE'S
Copy !req
579. "TAH-DAH!"
Copy !req
580. "THAT'S AMAZING. WHAT
DO YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"
Copy !req
581. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
582. WE SAW THE ACT
Copy !req
583. ABOUT SIX OR SO?
Copy !req
584. AND THE KID HAD
Copy !req
585. OF, YOU KNOW:
Copy !req
586. LIKE...
Copy !req
587. AS HE GOT TO
Copy !req
588. OH-H-H.
Copy !req
589. "AH,
FABULOUS."
Copy !req
590. TELLER COULDN'T
HE WAS...
Copy !req
591. AND THE KID WAS
Copy !req
592. HE
Copy !req
593. THAT'S
Copy !req
594. HEY-OH!
Copy !req
595. UH... A TALENT AGENT
Copy !req
596. "HEY,
I'VE GOT A GREAT ACT."
Copy !req
597. AND HE'S LIKE, "IT'S NOT A
IS IT?"
Copy !req
598. I'
Copy !req
599. THE GRANDMOTHER'S ASS?
Copy !req
600. I'D HATE TO GET SOMETHING
Copy !req
601. COMIC'S MIND.
Copy !req
602. BOOKER'S OFFICE.
Copy !req
603. "NO, NO,
NO! NO, YOU DON'T!
Copy !req
604. IN THE UNIVERSE."
Copy !req
605. "THIS ONE IS COMPLETELY
Copy !req
606. IT'S A FAMILY ACT.
Copy !req
607. AND SHE
Copy !req
608. THE WAY TO THE
Copy !req
609. STICKS IT IN MOM'S ASS,
Copy !req
610. YOU SEE THE KIDS' EYES
Copy !req
611. IT'S JUST THE MOST
Copy !req
612. IT'S LIKE THAT, EXCEPT WE ALL
FIT INTO THIS WOMAN'S CUNT.
Copy !req
613. WE
Copy !req
614. IT'S LIKE KIND OF
Copy !req
615. SOMETIMES THERE'S MUCUS
Copy !req
616. THERE'D BE OTHERS BUT
Copy !req
617. UH, GET AN AGENT:
Copy !req
618. "WHAT
DO YOU GUYS DO?"
Copy !req
619. "YOU KNOW,
MY WIFE AND I:."
Copy !req
620. HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ONE?
Copy !req
621. IT WOULDN'T BE
Copy !req
622. WOULDN'T IT?
Copy !req
623. YOU KNOW WHAT'S SOMETHING
THAT IS OFFENSIVE NOW?
Copy !req
624. BUT IF IT'S
Copy !req
625. THEN WE CAN'T
Copy !req
626. UP THE ASS
Copy !req
627. "THIS
IS BECAUSE YOU'RE
Copy !req
628. A FAGGOT." THEY COULD.
Copy !req
629. FAGGOT!
Copy !req
630. AND I DON'T REALLY WANT
Copy !req
631. 'CAUSE I THINK I'VE... YOU
I'M REALLY A FAMILY
Copy !req
632. OH, SAGET: NOW
Copy !req
633. TELLING "THE ARISTOCRAT"
JOKE IN LIFE!
Copy !req
634. THAT'S MY FRIEND PAUL,
AND RIGHT NOW I'M
Copy !req
635. HE'S GOT A VERY
Copy !req
636. IT'S ABOUT...
Copy !req
637. I BELIEVE THAT'S
SHANDLING'S JOKE,
I'M PRETTY SURE.
Copy !req
638. I'M SORRY.
Copy !req
639. ME, UM, SOME SLIM TAMPAX:
Copy !req
640. HE SAID "LEAVE THEM OUT,
YOU'RE REALLY TIGHT."
Copy !req
641. DOESN'T MATTER IF
THEY'RE BOYS OR GIRLS
Copy !req
642. AND THEY'RE GOING
Copy !req
643. IS WHAT THIS JOKE'S
Copy !req
644. IT'S ABOUT USING YOUR KID.
Copy !req
645. NO, THAT'S... THAT'S...
Copy !req
646. HIS AIM IS TO GET AS
Copy !req
647. "WELL
WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE DO?"
Copy !req
648. THE FATHER'S LIKE...
"WATCH US."
Copy !req
649. HE TAKES HER WIFE'S BRA AND
Copy !req
650. IT'S HORRIBLE AND THERE'S
Copy !req
651. IT'S 69, IT'S 29,
Copy !req
652. 'CAUSE THE KIDS
IT'S 9.
Copy !req
653. OVER ON THE GUY'S DESK
Copy !req
654. AND HE'S LIKE TAKIN' HIM FROM
WHICH ISN'T RIGHT.
Copy !req
655. IF YOU'RE HAVING SEX
Copy !req
656. I DON'T CONDONE IT.
I THINK IT'S WRONG.
Copy !req
657. I DO A LOT OF P:S.A.s
Copy !req
658. TO SUPPORT "DO NOT
Copy !req
659. SO THEY'RE ALL FUCKING
RIGHT?
Copy !req
660. KID CAN'T TAKE IT.
Copy !req
661. IT'S LIKE A
Copy !req
662. IN A CIRCLE 'CAUSE HE
CAN'T CONTROL IT.
Copy !req
663. IT'S KIND OF LIKE
CURLY IN "THE STOOGES".
Copy !req
664. "MO, LARRY, THE CHEESE."
Copy !req
665. IT'S GOING ALL OVER THE
IT'S LIKE SPIN ART,
Copy !req
666. SO YOU DON'T KNOW
Copy !req
667. THAT'S HOW... WHAT
THE FUCK AM I DOING?
Copy !req
668. THEN! THERE'S MORE.
Copy !req
669. YOU GET TO BE A
Copy !req
670. THIS IS...
Copy !req
671. SINGING "MAKE 'EM L..."
Copy !req
672. AND "BE A CLOWN".
Copy !req
673. THE FATHER'S HAEMORRHOID
RIGHT?
Copy !req
674. EXCEPT HE'S COVERED IN SHIT.
Copy !req
675. THEY'RE MAD
Copy !req
676. 'CAUSE ALL KIDDING ASIDE...
Copy !req
677. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
Copy !req
678. JACKIN' AND...
Copy !req
679. OH, CAN I GET
A COPY OF THIS?
Copy !req
680. I'D LIKE TO SEND IT TO
"FULL HOUSE" IF I COULD.
Copy !req
681. FATHER CAN'T HELP HIMSELF,
Copy !req
682. HE
Copy !req
683. AND THE THING YOU'RE
Copy !req
684. I CUM INSIDE MY DAUGHTER'S
Copy !req
685. I'M NOT SURE IF YOU'RE
Copy !req
686. IT'S GOOD,
Copy !req
687. THE
"DIRTY SANCHEZ".
Copy !req
688. THAT'S WHERE YOU FUCK
Copy !req
689. THAT'S ON YOUR DICK.
Copy !req
690. THEN THERE'S THE
"STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE".
Copy !req
691. IN THE NOSE!
Copy !req
692. SHE'S BLEEDING,
AND THERE'S WHITE...
Copy !req
693. THEN A "RUSTY TROMBONE",
Copy !req
694. C'MON! THE
"RUSTY TROMBONE",
PEOPLE'VE HEARD IT.
Copy !req
695. A MAN'S ASSHOLE,
Copy !req
696. AND THEN THERE'S
Copy !req
697. AND THAT'S HOW YA...
Copy !req
698. AND THEN THERE'S
"SPACE DOCKING"
Copy !req
699. IN A GIRL'S PUSSY.
Copy !req
700. I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S
Copy !req
701. "AND THEN HE TOOK
Copy !req
702. AND THE INTAKE:."
Copy !req
703. I'M FUCKING MY DAUGHTER,
Copy !req
704. WHILE SHE'S KNOBBING MY SON.
Copy !req
705. AND... AND HE'S NOT
Copy !req
706. BELIEVES IT'S REALLY
Copy !req
707. AND... AND YOU'D BE
Copy !req
708. THAT'S THE JOY FOR ME
Copy !req
709. VIOLATES SOMEONE'S BOUNDARIES.
Copy !req
710. THE FATHER'S GOT
Copy !req
711. THAT HE'S BEEN
Copy !req
712. AND THEY'VE BEEN
YET.
Copy !req
713. SURE THAT YOU HAVEN'T
Copy !req
714. THERE'S ALWAYS THE
Copy !req
715. THE AGENT'S DESK,
Copy !req
716. AND THE KID'S EYE
POPS OUT.
Copy !req
717. AND HE'S COCKEYED.
NO?
Copy !req
718. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
Copy !req
719. I'M SORRY. I GOT
Copy !req
720. IS THAT IT'S SO
Copy !req
721. THAT IT'S ALMOST THE
Copy !req
722. THERE'S SOMETHING
Copy !req
723. BY
Copy !req
724. THERE'S SOMETHING VERY
Copy !req
725. WAS "THE ARISTOCRATS"
Copy !req
726. "HUH".
Copy !req
727. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
Copy !req
728. OH, LORD:
Copy !req
729. THAT YOU JUST DON'T CARE.
Copy !req
730. I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT
Copy !req
731. HE'S GOT A
Copy !req
732. ON THE GUY'S ROD.
Copy !req
733. THEY'RE BUILDING
IT'S...
Copy !req
734. IT'S SOMETHING YOU
IT'S PHENOMENAL.
Copy !req
735. KIND OF...
Copy !req
736. AND I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER
Copy !req
737. I'M GUESSING, I'VE
Copy !req
738. OH, THAT WASN'T AN ANIMAL,
Copy !req
739. THAT WASN'T AN ANIMAL.
WHAT WAS IT?
Copy !req
740. IT WASN'T AN ANIMAL.
Copy !req
741. WE'RE SO CONDITIONED
Copy !req
742. WHERE IT'S SET-UP,
Copy !req
743. THEY THINK THEY'RE
THEY DON'T...
Copy !req
744. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT
Copy !req
745. 'CAUSE YOU DON'T
Copy !req
746. WORK IN AMERICA?
Copy !req
747. LIKE "ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
748. THAT'S JUST
Copy !req
749. AND IT'S LIKE,
"THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
750. DOESN'T EVEN EXIST.
Copy !req
751. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE,
Copy !req
752. "WHAT'S
AN ARISTOCRAT?"
Copy !req
753. BUT IT'S THE ONLY WORD
Copy !req
754. "THE SOPHISTICATES".
Copy !req
755. THAT'S NICE;
"THE SOPHISTICATES".
Copy !req
756. I PERSONALLY THINK IT'S
"THE SOPHISTICATES".
Copy !req
757. "OH, WE'RE
'SOPHISTICATES'."
Copy !req
758. THE
Copy !req
759. THAT'S A POLITICAL
Copy !req
760. IT'S NOT ABOUT DEMOCRATS
Copy !req
761. I DON'T THINK THE
Copy !req
762. THERE'S NO ACT
ARISTOCRAT WOULDN'T DO...
Copy !req
763. IF IT DOESN'T INVOLVE
Copy !req
764. OF "MONTY PYTHON AND
Copy !req
765. THERE'S
Copy !req
766. "INSTEAD OF 'ARISTOCRAT'
OR 'SOPHISTICATES',
Copy !req
767. WE USE 'ROYALTY'."
Copy !req
768. THERE'S "DEBONAIRS"
Copy !req
769. BUT THAT DOESN'T
Copy !req
770. IT
WAS "THE DEBONAIRS",
Copy !req
771. "THE DEBONAIRS".
Copy !req
772. THE, UH, "THE ARISTOCRATS"
YOU THINK ABOUT IT!
Copy !req
773. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
YOU.
Copy !req
774. THAT'S THE ORIGINAL
Copy !req
775. I'M FROM PHILADELPHIA. YOU
Copy !req
776. THE
Copy !req
777. TELLING OF "THE ARISTOCRAT".
Copy !req
778. AND YOU SEE
Copy !req
779. AND THAT'S WHAT
Copy !req
780. THERE'S ONE VERY HEAVY SIGNER.
Copy !req
781. HE'S THE ONE THAT
Copy !req
782. A LOT OF
TELL THIS "ARISTOCRAT"
Copy !req
783. AND THAT'S FUCKED.
Copy !req
784. UH...
Copy !req
785. "THE TALE OF PUSHTUCHKIN",
Copy !req
786. "VAT IS DAT?"
Copy !req
787. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
788. THERE'S A SIMILAR TALE.
Copy !req
789. CONSTANT! EAT,
Copy !req
790. "WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS
ACT?"THE ARISTOCRATS."
HE'S DEAD.
Copy !req
791. "GRANDPA'S
DEAD.
Copy !req
792. OH, 'THE ARISTOCRATS'.
Copy !req
793. ALL OF A
I GET THIS."
Copy !req
794. NO
Copy !req
795. MY GRANDFATHER'S
UNCLE'S YAN...
Copy !req
796. SEE THAT'S BAD
Copy !req
797. AND I
Copy !req
798. SHE'S FROM, UH, POLAND,
Copy !req
799. SHE KNEW WAS 'CUNT'.
Copy !req
800. I REMEMBER "CUNT",
Copy !req
801. "EAT, EAT," AND...
Copy !req
802. AND "CUNT".
Copy !req
803. IT'S PROBABLY WRONG.
Copy !req
804. Carrie Fisher:
Copy !req
805. THERE WAS A GOAT IN "TAMMY"
Copy !req
806. MY MOTHER'S A
Copy !req
807. "SINGING IN THE RAIN"
Copy !req
808. BUT IT DIDN'T REALLY
Copy !req
809. UH...
Copy !req
810. IN THE
Copy !req
811. I'M GOING TO
Copy !req
812. AND THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE
Copy !req
813. MACY'S-
Copy !req
814. I'M GOING TO TAKE IT
Copy !req
815. AND I'M GOING TO WRAP IT
Copy !req
816. WHERE'D THAT NOTE GO?
Copy !req
817. BAND'S GOING TO JUMP UP,
Copy !req
818. AND I'M GOING TO SHINE MY
Copy !req
819. TAP, TAP, TAP,
Copy !req
820. AND
THAT'S THE ACT.
Copy !req
821. I'M GOING TO CALL IT...
Copy !req
822. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
823. ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?
Copy !req
824. THIS IS A JOKE THAT'S
Copy !req
825. "IT'S A MUON, YOU CUNT!"
Copy !req
826. TO "THAT'S WHY THE GROUP
Copy !req
827. THERE'S AN AUDITION
Copy !req
828. "LISTEN, THIS IS A VERY,
Copy !req
829. I'D LIKE YOU TO BE ABLE
Copy !req
830. CLASSY." AND THE GUY SAYS,
"I CAN DO ANYTHING."
Copy !req
831. IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
Copy !req
832. "THAT'S GREAT.
I'VE NEVER HEARD
THAT SONG BEFORE."
Copy !req
833. "WELL,
IT'S AN ORIGINAL.
I WROTE IT MYSELF."
Copy !req
834. "OH REALLY,
UH, WHAT'S IT CALLED?"
Copy !req
835. AND HE SAYS IT'S
CALLED "MY DOG WAS
Copy !req
836. LICKING MY BALLS."
Copy !req
837. "WELL, THAT'S, UH...
DO YOU
HAVE ANY OTHER SONGS?"
Copy !req
838. "YOU KNOW WHAT? I
I'LL PLAY FOR YOU."
Copy !req
839. "OH THAT
WAS GREAT! WHAT WAS
THAT?" AND HE SAYS...
Copy !req
840. "I ATE YOUR SISTER'S
BLOODY TAMPON."
Copy !req
841. "HEY! IT'S A
PLEASE!
Copy !req
842. NO MORE OF THAT." HE
"OH, FINE, FINE."
Copy !req
843. "YOU KNOW, I REALLY
I
Copy !req
844. DON'T TELL THEM ANY
NAMES OF YOUR SONGS."
Copy !req
845. "OKAY, THAT'S
ALL RIGHT." JUST THAT NIGHT,
Copy !req
846. THE
Copy !req
847. "JUST GIVE ME A BREAK,
GO TO THE CAN."
Copy !req
848. HE
Copy !req
849. "HEY,
Copy !req
850. YOU KNOW YOUR ZIPPER'S
UNDONE AND YOUR DICK'S
HANGING OUT."
Copy !req
851. "KNOW IT? I WROTE IT!"
Copy !req
852. THAT'S WHAT A GROUP
Copy !req
853. THEY'VE SEEN SHITTY ACTS.
Copy !req
854. UH, REEFERTONES:
Copy !req
855. IT'S DONE IN EVERY
Copy !req
856. YOU'LL
Copy !req
857. "THE GOURMET CORNER".
Copy !req
858. THERE'S A SADNESS
Copy !req
859. "THE ARISTOCRATS"
Copy !req
860. BECAUSE THEY'RE CLINGING
Copy !req
861. I DON'T PUT
"THE ARISTOCRATS" ON MY
YOU KNOW?
Copy !req
862. IT DOESN'T TAKE
Copy !req
863. IT'S KIND OF WEIRD TO BE
Copy !req
864. MY DAD, ME,
Copy !req
865. THEY'D DO A... LIKE,
Copy !req
866. THEY'RE HOLDING
Copy !req
867. MY
Copy !req
868. IT'S PRETTY...
Copy !req
869. IT'S PRETTY SPECTACULAR.
Copy !req
870. AND IT'S ALL ABOUT TIMING.
Copy !req
871. IT'S A JOKE ABOUT
Copy !req
872. IT'S ABOUT A FAMILY.
Copy !req
873. IT'S ABOUT THE HOPES AND
Copy !req
874. DID I SAY THAT?
Copy !req
875. IT'S A SETBACK,
Copy !req
876. IT'S
Copy !req
877. IT'S NOT A HANDICAP.
I DON'T WANT TO
SAY IT'S A GIFT.
Copy !req
878. YOU TO BE ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW"?
Copy !req
879. NOT "THE TONIGHT SHOW",
Copy !req
880. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
881. OUR
Copy !req
882. BROTHER WEREN'T THERE,
Copy !req
883. WEREN'T THERE.
Copy !req
884. HE SAID IT WASN'T
UM...
Copy !req
885. WE,
Copy !req
886. IN HIS
APARTMENT?
Copy !req
887. UM... HUH.
Copy !req
888. CALLED UNCLE JOE'S BED
Copy !req
889. 'CAUSE A COUCH IS
YOU KNOW?
Copy !req
890. "I AM THIS WEIRD,
Copy !req
891. AND RESPECT."
Copy !req
892. MAYBE THAT'S THE
Copy !req
893. I DON'T... I'M...
I'VE PLAYED BY
Copy !req
894. DON'T WANT TO
Copy !req
895. THEY GOING TO DO?
Copy !req
896. WITH THE OLSEN TWINS?
Copy !req
897. AND I THINK YOU'RE ALL
Copy !req
898. ALL OF US
Copy !req
899. MARRIED WHEN WE'RE YOUNG
Copy !req
900. AND WE CAN'T FUCK
Copy !req
901. EAT OUT ANOTHER STARFISH?
Copy !req
902. I'M AN ACTOR, I
Copy !req
903. "YOU WERE GREAT
ON 'FRIENDS'."
Copy !req
904. YOU'RE NOT
Copy !req
905. I'M THE AGENT AND
I'M PITCHING IT, OKAY?
Copy !req
906. SO, THIS VERY
Copy !req
907. A
Copy !req
908. HE'S A HORSE-HUNG GUY.
Copy !req
909. "I WANT THAT COCK TO
BUST MY VIRGIN ASS."
Copy !req
910. "LET ME."
Copy !req
911. ASS UP...
Copy !req
912. IN "PULP FICTION".
Copy !req
913. PUSSY BOY'S MOUTH.
Copy !req
914. HE'S GETTING FACE-FUCKED.
Copy !req
915. AND
Copy !req
916. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE'S
Copy !req
917. BUT IT'S WILD.
Copy !req
918. AND IT'S CALLED
"THE MISOGYCRATS".
Copy !req
919. MUST CONTAIN SHIT?
Copy !req
920. DON'T INVITE THEM
Copy !req
921. MUST INVOLVE BESTIALITY?
Copy !req
922. DON'T LET THEM
Copy !req
923. IT'S WHERE YOUR DARKEST
YOU KNOW?
Copy !req
924. IN A WAY, THIS
JOKE REALLY ISN'T
Copy !req
925. IT'S
Copy !req
926. THERE'S SOMETHING QUITE
Copy !req
927. ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
928. "I HAVE GOT THE
PERFECT FAMILY ACT."
Copy !req
929. "GO
TELL ME."
Copy !req
930. "MY WIFE
Copy !req
931. THE
Copy !req
932. DOG COMES OUT; HE SHITS:
Copy !req
933. THROUGH A HOOP."
Copy !req
934. "WHAT DO
YOU CALL THE ACT?"
Copy !req
935. "THE ARISTOCRATS."
Copy !req
936. "I ALREADY
HAVE AN ACT LIKE THAT."
Copy !req
937. THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED
Copy !req
938. DOESN'T MATTER.
Copy !req
939. "WELL, I'VE ALREADY
SEEN THAT."
Copy !req
940. THAT'S NOT REALLY A
JOKE ANY MORE.
Copy !req
941. THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY...
Copy !req
942. SAY, "I HAVE A
Copy !req
943. IT
Copy !req
944. 11-
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945. FROM THE PAST 'CAUSE
Copy !req
946. FOR GOD'S SAKES.
Copy !req
947. AND THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
Copy !req
948. IT'S NOT A JOKE.
Copy !req
949. AND
Copy !req
950. HA-HA! SEE WHAT HAPPENS
TO HITLER'S DICK.
Copy !req
951. THEY'LL BE TURNING
IT ON. PHENOMENAL."
Copy !req
952. IT'S A FAMILY ACT.
BUT IT'S A...
Copy !req
953. IT'S A TWIST 'CAUSE
THEY'RE RETARDED.
Copy !req
954. "WELL,
WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM?"
Copy !req
955. "THE OSBOURNES."
Copy !req
956. ON TV NOW,
Copy !req
957. ON, YOU KNOW:
Copy !req
958. "FRIENDS".
ON... NOT ON "FRIENDS",
Copy !req
959. BUT
ON "SOUTH PARK".
Copy !req
960. MY GRANDPA TOLD ME?
Copy !req
961. NO.
Copy !req
962. IT'S A MOTHER, FATHER,
Copy !req
963. "SIR, OUR FAMILY
HAS AN AMAZING ACT."
Copy !req
964. "SORRY, WE DON'T
Copy !req
965. THEY'RE TOO CUTESY
Copy !req
966. "PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU
Copy !req
967. WE KNOW YOU'LL
Copy !req
968. "ALL RIGHT,
YOU'VE GOT TWO MINUTES."
Copy !req
969. WHAT?
Copy !req
970. DUDE!
Copy !req
971. RIGHT?
Copy !req
972. MOTHER'S SHIT IN
Copy !req
973. AND LICKS THE BABY'S
Copy !req
974. THE MOTHER'S VAGINA.
Copy !req
975. THE MOTHER'S SHIT
Copy !req
976. HIS COCK IN THE BABY'S
Copy !req
977. WHILE IT'S STILL
Copy !req
978. THE
Copy !req
979. CA... I
DON'T WANT TO...
Copy !req
980. KYLE! WILL YOU
HOLD ON PLEASE?
Copy !req
981. "AND NOW FOR OUR
THE VICTIMS OF 9/11."
Copy !req
982. "AAAHHH!
AAAHHH!
Copy !req
983. THE BUILDING'S
COMING DOWN! HELP!"
Copy !req
984. "TAH-DAH!"
Copy !req
985. "JESUS, THAT'S A
Copy !req
986. CALL IT?"
Copy !req
987. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
988. I DON'T GET IT.
Copy !req
989. IT DOESN'T COUNT
Copy !req
990. WE'RE
Copy !req
991. THAT'S OFFENSIVE NOW.
Copy !req
992. NOW, THE WORLD HAS
YOU KNOW?
Copy !req
993. "NIGGAH,
DICK, CUNT:." EVERY...
Copy !req
994. THAT.
Copy !req
995. WHEN YOU'RE AMONG
Copy !req
996. WHAT? COMEDIAN TELLING
IT TO COMEDIANS AS A:?
Copy !req
997. HE'D PROBABLY DO A FILTHIER,
Copy !req
998. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PERFORMING
Copy !req
999. YET THERE'S NO HOLDS BARRED,
Copy !req
1000. AND THERE'S A LEVEL
Copy !req
1001. THAT'S GOING TO SORT
Copy !req
1002. I'M A WRITER AT THE
"NEW YORK OBSERVER".
Copy !req
1003. I'VE BEEN COVERING
THE FRIAR'S ROAST,
Copy !req
1004. ABOUT GILBERT GOTTFRIED'S
TAKE ON "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
1005. AFTER SEPTEMBER 11th,
Copy !req
1006. THERE HADN'T BEEN ANY
Copy !req
1007. GET
Copy !req
1008. IT WASN'T AN EASY SELL,
Copy !req
1009. FOR 9/11
Copy !req
1010. JOKES DIDN'T WORK.
Copy !req
1011. "ROB,
Copy !req
1012. HASN'T THERE BEEN ENOUGH
BOMBING IN THIS CITY?"
Copy !req
1013. IT WAS UN...
Copy !req
1014. HE WAS NERVOUS 'CAUSE HIS
Copy !req
1015. BUILDING.
Copy !req
1016. "TOO SOON, TOO SOON."
Copy !req
1017. A MAN...
Copy !req
1018. "WHAT KIND OF
AN ACT DO YOU DO?"
Copy !req
1019. "OKAY, I CAN'T PUSH
Copy !req
1020. SO I'M GOING TO PUSH
DIFFERENT DIRECTION."
Copy !req
1021. DOG'S ASSHOLE.
Copy !req
1022. BLOWING HIS FATHER!
Copy !req
1023. AT THE BEGINNING?
Copy !req
1024. I'LL REPEAT IT.
Copy !req
1025. Frank Digiacomo:
Copy !req
1026. "WHERE IS HE GOING
TO TAKE THIS THING?"
Copy !req
1027. THE FATHER'S ASSHOLE.
Copy !req
1028. I'LL WAIT TILL
YOU'RE READY.
Copy !req
1029. WE'RE ON THE FLOOR.
Copy !req
1030. I WAS LAUGHING 'CAUSE
Copy !req
1031. WHICH I CAN'T IMAGINE
Copy !req
1032. JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD.
Copy !req
1033. NOW WHERE WAS I? OH YES.
Copy !req
1034. HIS FATHER'S ASSHOLE.
Copy !req
1035. BECAUSE I COULDN'T...
Copy !req
1036. COULDN'T CATCH MY
Copy !req
1037. PORTION OF THIS?
Copy !req
1038. "WELL,
THAT'S AN INTERESTING ACT,"
Copy !req
1039. JUST...
Copy !req
1040. THEY'RE ALL IN COMEDY,
Copy !req
1041. AND IT WAS AS IF HE
Copy !req
1042. NOW...
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1043. Frank Digiacomo:
Copy !req
1044. Frank Digiacomo:
Copy !req
1045. ELSE WHO WASN'T A
Copy !req
1046. SO FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
Copy !req
1047. IT'S A PICASSO.
Copy !req
1048. I DIDN'T
Copy !req
1049. "FUCKING AND SUCKING
AND FUCKING:."
Copy !req
1050. ALMOST DOESN'T MATTER.
Copy !req
1051. "NOW WHAT DO
YOU CALL YOURSELVES?"
Copy !req
1052. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
Copy !req
1053. OH-HO!
Copy !req
1054. SEE...
IT'S JUST A...
Copy !req
1055. IT'S JUST A JOKE.
Copy !req
1056. HELP!
Copy !req
1057. IT'S AS SHOCKING AS
ISN'T IT?
Copy !req
1058. DON'T TOUCH ME.
Copy !req
1059. THAT YOU REMEMBER?
Copy !req
1060. I DIDN'T
Copy !req
1061. I'M ALREADY FEELING LIKE
I DIDN'T DO IT JUSTICE.
Copy !req
1062. BUT I DIDN'T...
Copy !req
1063. I DIDN'T COLOUR IT IN
Copy !req
1064. UH, "AN ARM LIKE POPEYE."
Copy !req
1065. I DIDN'T REALIZE THE
Copy !req
1066. WHAT'S THE MOST
Copy !req
1067. THAT'S GOOD. ADD
Copy !req
1068. A SHIT? THE RACIAL ISSUE
Copy !req
1069. I'M THE AGENT AND
YOU'RE THE CLIENT.
Copy !req
1070. ARE YOU
Copy !req
1071. THIEVING FUCK?
Copy !req
1072. "YEAH,
WHAT DO YOU DO?"
Copy !req
1073. "A BLACK
Copy !req
1074. SUCKIN' MY COCK
Copy !req
1075. LIKE IT'S A
Copy !req
1076. EVERYBODY'S WALLET,
Copy !req
1077. GAY GUY'S ASS
Copy !req
1078. FUCKING FLOOR."
Copy !req
1079. "HOLY SHIT.
Copy !req
1080. CALL YOURSELVES?"
Copy !req
1081. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
1082. UH, AGENT'S OFFICE.
Copy !req
1083. "WELL,
WHAT DO YOU DO?"
Copy !req
1084. "WELL, MY
Copy !req
1085. UH, CHOPIN'S, UH,
"THIRD MOVEMENT IN B MINOR".
Copy !req
1086. DECROIX'S "THE GIRL".
Copy !req
1087. "WOW,
Copy !req
1088. CALL THIS ACT?"
Copy !req
1089. "OH, WE'RE
'NIGGER CUNTS'."
Copy !req
1090. BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THAT.
Copy !req
1091. THAT'S THE TWO WORST
Copy !req
1092. I'M A GREAT BELIEVER
Copy !req
1093. IF THEY'RE
Copy !req
1094. ANYTHING'S ACCEPTABLE.
Copy !req
1095. LET'S
Copy !req
1096. UH, JANUARY 3rd,
Copy !req
1097. ON JANUARY 3rd,
Copy !req
1098. DOHENY.
Copy !req
1099. THAT'S WHAT
Copy !req
1100. I PULL UP MOMMY'S DRESS,
Copy !req
1101. TILL IT'S FINALLY JUST A
Copy !req
1102. YOU TO SEA WORLD?
Copy !req
1103. ASS. IT'S LIKE A SHILLELAGH.
Copy !req
1104. IT'S ALL KNOTTED WITH
Copy !req
1105. I'LL SHOW YOU A
Copy !req
1106. SEEN GALLAGHER?
Copy !req
1107. I DIDN'T LIKE
Copy !req
1108. "TAH-DAH!"
Copy !req
1109. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
Copy !req
1110. THAT THERE'S STILL
Copy !req
1111. SHOULDN'T TELL,
Copy !req
1112. MAYBE THEY'RE
Copy !req
1113. EVEN IN TODAY'S
Copy !req
1114. 'CAUSE I WAS...
Copy !req
1115. IT'S FUNNY, BEFORE
Copy !req
1116. UM, AND THAT
THE...
HEY!
Copy !req
1117. "THE ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req
1118. YOU DON'T GET
THE JOKE?
Copy !req
1119. BUT I DON'T GET IT.
Copy !req
1120. 'CAUSE IT'S A
WHOLE FAMILY'S HAVING
Copy !req
1121. NO, IT'S...
IT'S THAT
ARISTOCRATIC?
Copy !req
1122. IT'S MORE
Copy !req
1123. UM...
Copy !req
1124. IT'S BEST IF WE
DON'T BREAK IT DOWN.
Copy !req
1125. WITH THAT?
Copy !req
1126. NO, I DON'T WANT
Copy !req
1127. THAT'S GREAT.
Copy !req
1128. THE BEST LOOKIN' ASS
Copy !req
1129. DON'T EVER ASK ME TO DO
Copy !req
1130. I'M NOT GOING TO WORK
Copy !req
1131. "WHY DOES ANAL SEX
Copy !req
1132. ROLE IN HUMOUR?"
Copy !req
1133. "I CAN'T TELL
YOU, BUT I CAN SHOW YOU."
Copy !req
1134. I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON HER.
Copy !req
1135. BUT YOU'VE
NEVER MET HER?
NO.
Copy !req
1136. DOES EVERYONE DO IT?
DOES EVERYONE DO THIS?
Copy !req
1137. OR NO?
Copy !req
1138. ALL RIGHT. FUCK. SHIT.
Copy !req
1139. "HEY!
Copy !req
1140. OR A JOKE?"
Copy !req
1141. "IT WAS SERIOUS."
"THANK GOD,
Copy !req
1142. I CAN'T STAND
JOKES LIKE THAT."
Copy !req
1143. IS ANY OF THIS FUNNY?
Copy !req
1144. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T PAN
TO THEM; STAY ON ME:
Copy !req
1145. DON'T, DON'T LOOK AT THEM.
Copy !req
1146. THERE'S GOING TO BE PROBLEMS.
Copy !req
1147. REDFORD'S THING, 2020?
Copy !req
1148. I'LL TRY TO BE
Copy !req
1149. IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT YOU TALK
ABOUT CUNTS FOR 10 MINUTES
Copy !req
1150. "PERFECT, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT WE NEED."
Copy !req
1151. "I DIDN'T
Copy !req
1152. OR A CUB SCOUT."
Copy !req
1153. THE DOG'S NAME IS PEANUT,
UM, AND SHE IS BLIND:
Copy !req
1154. UH, SHE WASN'T BLIND
Copy !req
1155. JUST SO SHE'D BE A
Copy !req
1156. THAT'S GOOD.
Copy !req
1157. THAT'S GOOD.
Copy !req
1158. THING ON?
Copy !req
1159. I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GETTING,
Copy !req
1160. AND I'M REALLY
STEAMED!
Copy !req
1161. AM I DOING?
Copy !req
1162. LAUGHS OUT OF THIS?
Copy !req
1163. "THE ARISTOCRATS"!
Copy !req
1164. IT'S 'CAUSE
IT'S ABSOLUTELY
Copy !req
1165. IS IT ON?
Copy !req
1166. YOU'RE NOT TAPING
YET, REALLY ARE YOU?
Copy !req
1167. GOODBYE!
Copy !req
1168. THERE GOES THE MIC!
Copy !req
1169. THEY'RE NOW GOING TO TAKE MY
Copy !req
1170. AND... DARLING WOULD YOU
GET ME A CUP OF TEA?
Copy !req
1171. GET IT YOURSELF!
Copy !req
1172. IT'S SO NICE TO BE PART OF
Copy !req
1173. "HEY,
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?"
Copy !req
1174. "BROOKLYN,
Copy !req
1175. THERE'S HUNDREDS OF THEM."
Copy !req
1176. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE
Copy !req
1177. THE WORLD'S
Copy !req
1178. "ARISTOCRATS" JOKE.
Copy !req
1179. NO, THIS WAY, THIS WAY:
Copy !req
1180. SIR, SIR, SIR?
Copy !req
1181. SIR?
HUH?
Copy !req
1182. THANK YOU!
Copy !req
1183. OH...
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1184. "ARISTOCRATS".
Copy !req