1. To classify all the bodies in the solar system
It is necessary...Copy !req
2. to adopt an arbitrary set of criteria;
a criteria...Copy !req
3. which must also apply to the minor planets,
or asteroids.Copy !req
4. Let us now look at the asteroid belt
between Mars and Jupiter.Copy !req
5. The classification of this group of
fragmented planetesimals began in...Copy !req
6. 1801 with the discovery of Ceres.Copy !req
7. Ceres, having a diameter of 955
kilometers...Copy !req
8. Is found to be the largest member of
several hundred sizable boulders...Copy !req
9. Locked in what would seem to be a
merry-go-round of primordial debris...Copy !req
10. from a very early phase of planetary
formation.Copy !req
11. Out of over two thousand asteroids
regularly charted and observed...Copy !req
12. Ceres, due to its large size,
convenient location and availability...Copy !req
13. was found to be the perfect spot
for a drinking establishment...Copy !req
14. or bar if you will.Copy !req
15. It was named, appropriately enough,
"The Ceres Crossroads".Copy !req
16. And it was more often than not,
frequented by roughnecks...Copy !req
17. and thugs. It is here where our
story began.Copy !req
18. The story of how I became a father.Copy !req
19. And oh yeah, it's my birthday.Copy !req
20. ShitCopy !req
21. Ceres Crossroads.
Eddy speaking.Copy !req
22. Eddy, Samuel Curtis.
I just landed...Copy !req
23. I know. We saw it.
It was great.Copy !req
24. Can you dig me out and
set me up for flight?Copy !req
25. Sure. Did you bring the cat?Copy !req
26. Yeah. I got him. His name is
Monkey Puss.Copy !req
27. I want to name him Oscar.Copy !req
28. That wasn't so bad. Was it, Monkey?
Eddy, you got something for me, right?Copy !req
29. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
30. Okay. I'll be in in a bit.Copy !req
31. Okay. Good-bye.Copy !req
32. All right, cat, let's go.Copy !req
33. I'm keeping that with me.
You seen Eddy?Copy !req
34. Yes. He's right over there by
the corner of the bar.Copy !req
35. You mean the bartender?Copy !req
36. Thanks.Copy !req
37. Samuel Curtis.Copy !req
38. I know. We watched you land. Everybody
here got just the biggest...Copy !req
39. charge out of it. I'm still buzzin'.
In fact, everybody's buzzin'.Copy !req
40. You got something for me,
right?Copy !req
41. You're not going to believe what
I got for you.Copy !req
42. No one can come back here but me, so we
can keep Oscar here 'till they come and get him.Copy !req
43. I thought he was for you.Copy !req
44. Oh, no. I hate cats, but you sure saved
my butt bringing him here.Copy !req
45. - You're staying, right?
- What is that?Copy !req
46. You're staying for the big dance,
aren't you?Copy !req
47. Yeah, sure.Copy !req
48. I don't get it.Copy !req
49. It's a girl. It's a real live girl.Copy !req
50. What am I supposed to do
with it?Copy !req
51. I don't know.Copy !req
52. Who's playing at the dance
tonight?Copy !req
53. Me.Copy !req
54. I guess I'll see you there. Mind if
I use your bathroom?Copy !req
55. Sure. It's a real toilet so
be careful.Copy !req
56. Thanks, Eddy.Copy !req
57. That's him.Copy !req
58. Hey Boy-Hey Boy...Copy !req
59. I got a message for you...Copy !req
60. about a thing called love and the
stars above. And a little white dove,Copy !req
61. sends push turn to shove to
fist to cuffs.Copy !req
62. Things really got rough.
But enough's enough.Copy !req
63. Hey Boy-Hey Boy...Copy !req
64. I heard it from a friend about you...Copy !req
65. about your hatred when you're
laying in your bed...Copy !req
66. and your facing the tread with
your hatred fed...Copy !req
67. from the things you said. And you
wish you were dead...Copy !req
68. because you're separated from a thing
called love. And the stars above.Copy !req
69. And a little white dove sends push
turn to shove to fist to cuffsCopy !req
70. Things really got rough.
But enough's enoughCopy !req
71. Hey Boy-Hey Boy...Copy !req
72. I heard it from a friend about you...Copy !req
73. that you're heart broken and your
anger's smoking.Copy !req
74. And you lie there poking at a
little token...Copy !req
75. of days gone by. You let out a sigh.
Tears fill your eyes.Copy !req
76. And you start to cry. And say,
Oh God why.Copy !req
77. And you wish you could die.
And your eyes won't dry.Copy !req
78. And time don't fly on this
hellish night.Copy !req
79. Eyes wide open on this hellish
rideCopy !req
80. as you go switching from side to side
because you're filled with hatred...Copy !req
81. when you're lying in your bed. And
your face turns red...Copy !req
82. with your hatred fed from the things you
said. And you wish you were dead...Copy !req
83. because you're separated from a thing
called love. And the stars above...Copy !req
84. and a little white dove sends push
turn to shove to fist to cuffs.Copy !req
85. Things really got rough.
But enough's enough!Copy !req
86. Hey Boy-Hey Boy...Copy !req
87. I heard it from a friend about you...Copy !req
88. Hey!Copy !req
89. Hey! You son of a bitch! Hey!Copy !req
90. Hey!Copy !req
91. Did you just see two guys come
out of that bathroom?Copy !req
92. Here you go.Copy !req
93. Hey, is it just me, or do my
balls itch?Copy !req
94. I think it's you.Copy !req
95. Good. For a minute, I thought my
balls itched.Copy !req
96. Hey, it's a joke.Copy !req
97. It's funny.Copy !req
98. Fuck it.Copy !req
99. This what you're looking for?Copy !req
100. Larry Blueberry.Copy !req
101. My name is Lawrence. It's never been
Larry. I don't like that name.Copy !req
102. I hear you're doing pretty good
these days.Copy !req
103. I heard you were killed by
Professor Hess.Copy !req
104. Yeah, well. Apparently your
photographers have proven otherwise.Copy !req
105. That's the Blueberry Pirate.Copy !req
106. An interplanetary fruit thief and old
dance partner of Samuel Curtis'.Copy !req
107. Came here to pick up a cat named Oscar as
payment for some stolen fruit he'd delivered.Copy !req
108. Here's where they get reacquainted at the bar,
all nice and friendly, just like that, see?Copy !req
109. Old friends, that's all. This is where
the pirateCopy !req
110. gives Curtis some pictures and oh so
gracefully bestows upon him...Copy !req
111. the perfect plan for an astronaut in
his position.Copy !req
112. In return Samuel Curtis agrees to be
the Pirate's partner at...Copy !req
113. the big dance contest because Curtis
didn't have a plan and...Copy !req
114. the Pirate never won anything in his
whole life and those were...Copy !req
115. The most beautiful trophies he'd ever
seen. Unquote.Copy !req
116. Curtis' new mission is to return to Earth
with the body of a man named...Copy !req
117. Johnny R.Copy !req
118. Johnny R. Came from a very wealthy
family.Copy !req
119. A family that's willing to award a great
deal of wealth for the return of his remains.Copy !req
120. Right now his body is being preserved on
Venus, the planet of beautiful women.Copy !req
121. The planet of women who can reproduce
without the use of men.Copy !req
122. Unfortunately, if more than three generations
go by without introducing new blood...Copy !req
123. the women become high-bred and even
too snippy for themselves to stand.Copy !req
124. So it's necessary for them to keep a
man around as a stud.Copy !req
125. The women of Venus adopt an adolescent
male from a well-to-do family...Copy !req
126. ride him like a wild stallion, treat him
like a king...Copy !req
127. and love him until the day he dies,
usually at a ripe old age.Copy !req
128. And then replace him with another
adolescent male.Copy !req
129. Johnny R. Had reached that ripe old age
and the time had come to replace him...Copy !req
130. but the women of Venus won't part with his body
until an adequate replacement has been delivered.Copy !req
131. The perfect replacement could be found
on Jupiter.Copy !req
132. Jupiter's a very wealthy mining planet, where
infant males are taken and sold to a man...Copy !req
133. named Lee Vilensky.Copy !req
134. They're raised as workers and grow up to be
strong men with no knowledge of women.Copy !req
135. Lee Vilensky owns Jupiter and years
before he had purchased a boy...Copy !req
136. from Samuel Curtis known as...Copy !req
137. The Boy who actually saw a
woman's breast.Copy !req
138. For this brief experience the boy has
been treated as a treasure.Copy !req
139. He's become the planet's
figurehead.Copy !req
140. He's used to boost the morale of workers
by performing in great night rallies...Copy !req
141. where he quickly and arrogantly describes
what it is he had seen.Copy !req
142. Over the years, the boy had grown up to
be a strong and handsome young man...Copy !req
143. and both the Blueberry Pirate and Samuel Curtis
know that the women of Venus would go nuts for him.Copy !req
144. They also believe that Lee Vilensky
would part with the boy in trade for...Copy !req
145. the real live girl.Copy !req
146. He could raise her, marry her, have sex
with her...Copy !req
147. then describe the experience to his
workers in great detail.Copy !req
148. That would be an incredible morale
booster.Copy !req
149. That would create a happier, more
productive work environment.Copy !req
150. So I take the girl to Jupiter...Copy !req
151. trade her for the boy, bring the boy to
Venus...Copy !req
152. trade him for Johnny R...Copy !req
153. bring Johnny R. Back to earth and I
get rich.Copy !req
154. That's it.Copy !req
155. Where'd the girl come from?Copy !req
156. Eddy cloned her from one of his
own cells.Copy !req
157. That's one detail best left unsaid.Copy !req
158. Gentlemen, is it just me or do my balls
itch?Copy !req
159. So this guy walks into a bar and he says
to the bartender...Copy !req
160. Can I use your phone? The bartender says, "Sure".
So, he wipes his ass on it and the bart...Copy !req
161. What?Copy !req
162. Ah shit, I just told you the punch line.Copy !req
163. I've been telling this joke so fuckin'
long, I knew I'd fuck it up.Copy !req
164. Anyway. You want to hear something
really weird?Copy !req
165. So there's this man and he lived his whole life
on Earth and his name was Mr. Stevenson.Copy !req
166. When Mr. Stevenson was eight years
old, he asked another little boy...Copy !req
167. If he would like a Hurts Donut. The other
boy said, "Yes."Copy !req
168. So he hit him on the arm and he said,
Hurts Donut?Copy !req
169. Five years later Mr. Stevenson asked another
boy about his same age at that time...Copy !req
170. If he would like a Hurts Donut.Copy !req
171. When the boy said, "Yes", Mr. Stevenson
stabbed him over and over again...Copy !req
172. In his eye, in his cheek with a pencil...Copy !req
173. saying, "Hurts Donut?"Copy !req
174. Over the years Mr. Stevenson did very
well in school.Copy !req
175. On graduation day he was sat next to
another young man, who...Copy !req
176. Like Mr. Stevenson, had earned high marks.Copy !req
177. When he asked the boy if he would like
a Hurts Donut, the boy said...Copy !req
178. Not if you're going to stab me in the
eye with a pencil.Copy !req
179. I wouldn't even touch you, said Mr. Stevenson.Copy !req
180. So when the boy agreed, he presented him with
a photograph of the young man's fiancé...Copy !req
181. at a bachelor party, on some guy's table,
fucking herself with a beer bottle.Copy !req
182. As tears filled the young man's eyes,
Mr. Stevenson was heard to say...Copy !req
183. Hurts Donut.Copy !req
184. A few years later Mr. Stevenson got a job
as a sales clerk in an electronics store.Copy !req
185. Within a year, he was caught stealing
and immediately incarcerated.Copy !req
186. When he asked his cellmate if he would like
a Hurts Donut, his cellmate said "Yeah"Copy !req
187. So he gave him a Hurts Donut.Copy !req
188. Over the years Mr. Stevenson grew too old to
hospital.Copy !req
189. One day he asked the new nurse if she
would like a Hurts Donut.Copy !req
190. In anticipation of her response, Mr.
Stevenson began humming...Copy !req
191. while making smacking noises with
his mouth.Copy !req
192. When the nurse smiled and said,
"I know about you Mr. Stevenson,"Copy !req
193. Mr. Stevenson blurted out something
totally incoherent...Copy !req
194. and began to laugh.Copy !req
195. I've never understood this joke.Copy !req
196. But then I've never been to Earth.Copy !req
197. All right. All right. Gentlemen, let
the dance contest begin.Copy !req
198. Love is a flipping rolling riddle.Copy !req
199. Love is a smiling when you the giggle
of those angels.Copy !req
200. Giggle when they know you're smiling.Copy !req
201. Love is rotting in an open field.Copy !req
202. Love is smiling at the happy way you feel...Copy !req
203. when you know you're smiling.Copy !req
204. So how can you keep on smiling...Copy !req
205. when you see yourself in the mirror
smiling?Copy !req
206. Just about to say the name of the girl
that makes you smile.Copy !req
207. Love is thinking of when you die.
When she hears your name mentioned...Copy !req
208. she starts to cry.Copy !req
209. She'll remember you smiling.Copy !req
210. Love is living in a magic land.
Love is thinking...Copy !req
211. of the day she'll hold your
hand...Copy !req
212. And you'll both be smiling.Copy !req
213. So how can you keep on smiling
when...Copy !req
214. you see yourself in the mirror smiling?
Just about...Copy !req
215. to say the name of the girl that
makes you cry.Copy !req
216. Let's go.Copy !req
217. What about your boys over there?Copy !req
218. They'll be slitting this one out.Copy !req
219. One, two, three, four.Copy !req
220. What did he say about me?Copy !req
221. What did he say about me?Copy !req
222. Who are you?Copy !req
223. You know, you are so square.Copy !req
224. I guess that I am.Copy !req
225. So what did he say about me?Copy !req
226. I don't know what you're talking
about.Copy !req
227. You stand there with that trophy and you
tell me you don't know what I'm talking about?Copy !req
228. Excuse me.Copy !req
229. You sit at the bar and you talk and you laugh
and you tell me you don't know what I'm...Copy !req
230. talking about, huh?
- Do not touch me.Copy !req
231. Don't touch you? I can touch you.Copy !req
232. I can touch you whenever I want.Copy !req
233. Guess what?Copy !req
234. It's my birthday.Copy !req
235. Did he tell you it was my birthday?Copy !req
236. Are you going to sing Happy
Birthday to me?Copy !req
237. I want you to sing Happy Birthday
to me.Copy !req
238. I said I want...Copy !req
239. I got work to do.Copy !req
240. This one's a keeper.Copy !req
241. You ready, cat?Copy !req
242. What did your father teach you?
What did your father teach you?Copy !req
243. My father taught me to kill the
sunflower.Copy !req
244. Congratulations, Mr. Curtis. You
are now awake.Copy !req
245. Two hours to Jupiter.Copy !req
246. Gentlemen, you have all worked
very hard...Copy !req
247. and among the lucky, you are the
chosen ones.Copy !req
248. You have been sprinkled with lucky
stardust.Copy !req
249. Yes, you have.Copy !req
250. For today you have been chosen to
reside in the court of the Great One.Copy !req
251. Gentlemen, I give you...Copy !req
252. The Boy Who Actually Saw…Copy !req
253. a Woman's Breast.Copy !req
254. A, A, E, I.Copy !req
255. A, E, I know. I know.,
A, E, I, O, U.Copy !req
256. O, U sweet thing. Yes. A, E, A,
E, I.Copy !req
257. A, E, I, O, U. I O U nothing. But
sometimes you owe me.Copy !req
258. You owe me. You owe me I. E. A.
I. E. A.A.A.A.Copy !req
259. I'm talking to you when I say why do
the souls of my old dead dogs...Copy !req
260. still howl at the sirens, so call the cops
and call the fire trucks and call the cops.Copy !req
261. Call the police.Copy !req
262. There is something walking round
Inside my fleece.Copy !req
263. I've thick, black, stuff under my nails.Copy !req
264. And I think I kind of like the way it smells.Copy !req
265. There is food pressed against my gums.Copy !req
266. In a week or two, we'll see what it
becomes.Copy !req
267. So I'll shave and look cute...Copy !req
268. with the sweat from in my boot.Copy !req
269. And I'll sneeze the snot from my
snoot.Copy !req
270. And I'll wipe it on the sleeve of
my suit.Copy !req
271. A. E. I. O. A. E. I. O. I. O. A.
E. I. O. A. E. Ooh!Copy !req
272. It was round and soft.Copy !req
273. Now go back to work.Copy !req
274. Good job.Copy !req
275. Alright.Copy !req
276. Sam!Copy !req
277. Hey. There he is. How you doing,
Buddy?Copy !req
278. Fine.Copy !req
279. What's the matter with him?Copy !req
280. You know how kids are. You sell them to a shitty
planet and they think you're the bad guy.Copy !req
281. Yeah, well I'm here to make it up to
the little guy.Copy !req
282. What do you mean?Copy !req
283. I came here to take him.Copy !req
284. No, no, no. That boy holds the only
memory we got.Copy !req
285. Mr. Vilensky, you give me back the boy and I'll
give you the chance to create your own memories.Copy !req
286. What the hell is that?Copy !req
287. It's a real live girl. You take this.Copy !req
288. You grow her in private. You
raise her.Copy !req
289. You teach her. You marry her.Copy !req
290. All for a kid whose brief, fleeting
encounter...Copy !req
291. pales in comparison to the
experiences that await you.Copy !req
292. Let's say that I was going to show
her to somebody right now...Copy !req
293. my daughter or wife or whatever the
hell she is.Copy !req
294. She looks bad.Copy !req
295. Why would you show her to
anybody?Copy !req
296. What if I wanted to?Copy !req
297. Hey kid, take a hike.Copy !req
298. When we first saw it, we knew there
was just one thing to be done.Copy !req
299. It was scientific.Copy !req
300. And sociological.Copy !req
301. That's right. And a lot of fun.Copy !req
302. We knew in this world there
could only be one...Copy !req
303. The baby in the jar with glasses
on and a gun.Copy !req
304. Glasses on.Copy !req
305. Gentlemen...Copy !req
306. The Boy Who Saw A Woman's Breast
has left our planet.Copy !req
307. Allow me to explain.Copy !req
308. In this simple black case...Copy !req
309. I hold the dawning of a new day.Copy !req
310. The dawning of a new era.Copy !req
311. An era of sexually explicit...Copy !req
312. conversation.Copy !req
313. For here in my hand I hold the case...Copy !req
314. that contains...Copy !req
315. a real live girl.Copy !req
316. She should be raised in private.Copy !req
317. She shall be taught all there is to
know of our work ethic.Copy !req
318. And on a daily basis she will be
notified...Copy !req
319. of the triumphs made by...Copy !req
320. each and every one of your selfless
efforts.Copy !req
321. When she is fifteen and a half she
will become my bride...Copy !req
322. and your queen.Copy !req
323. You will all partake in fresh fruit...Copy !req
324. brought here by the Blueberry
Pirate himself.Copy !req
325. And I will partake in fresh fruit...Copy !req
326. and sexual intercourse.Copy !req
327. An act in which we are all a
stranger...Copy !req
328. but which upon my return...Copy !req
329. I will describe to you in great detail.Copy !req
330. Hey, get out.Copy !req
331. Where'd you get the trophy?Copy !req
332. I won it at a dance.Copy !req
333. On Ceres?Copy !req
334. Yeah.Copy !req
335. I wanted to go to that.Copy !req
336. How come Vilensky didn't
take you?Copy !req
337. Yeah, right.Copy !req
338. How long have they been making
you dress like that?Copy !req
339. The word is not "make",
It's "let".Copy !req
340. They let me wear whatever
I want.Copy !req
341. I see.Copy !req
342. Let's have a party. I think we'll
have a party now.Copy !req
343. Let's have a party.Copy !req
344. It's great when you get started out.Copy !req
345. We'll throw our hands up and
shout "Party".Copy !req
346. We'll throw our heads back and say
"Party", "Party", "Party".Copy !req
347. Oh won't you come and join our
party?Copy !req
348. Let's have a party.Copy !req
349. I think we'll have a party now.Copy !req
350. Let's have a party.Copy !req
351. It's great when you get started out.Copy !req
352. We'll throw our hands up and
shout "Party".Copy !req
353. We'll throw our heads back and say
"Party", "Party", "Party".Copy !req
354. Oh, wont you come and join our,
Oh, won't you come and join our…Copy !req
355. Oh, won't you come and join our,
Oh, won't you come and join our,Copy !req
356. Oh, won't you come and join our,
Oh, won't you come and join our...Copy !req
357. Another job well done.Copy !req
358. These are the same song books you
had five years ago.Copy !req
359. Yeah.Copy !req
360. You know any new songs?Copy !req
361. Yeah, I know some new songs but
they're not very nice.Copy !req
362. How about you?Copy !req
363. Yeah, I know some okay songs.Copy !req
364. Well, let's hear them. It's going to be
a long trip.Copy !req
365. Teach me a song.Copy !req
366. There's a...Copy !req
367. Phone call. Phone call. Phone call.Copy !req
368. Nice song.Copy !req
369. Samuel Curtis, American Private
Sec. Nevada.Copy !req
370. Guess who this is?Copy !req
371. Professor Hess.Copy !req
372. That's right. You got it on the
first try. For that you get a kiss.Copy !req
373. I'll pass.Copy !req
374. What? Do you think I'd kiss
you?Copy !req
375. You'd love it if I kissed you and
I would never kiss you!Copy !req
376. You said you were going to kiss me.Copy !req
377. I never said I'd kiss you. I never said
that. You just want me to kiss you!Copy !req
378. Not really.Copy !req
379. Oh. I'm not good enough to kiss you?
Is that what you're saying?Copy !req
380. What do you want Professor?Copy !req
381. Guess what today is?Copy !req
382. I don't know. What?Copy !req
383. Guess.Copy !req
384. It's Friday, Saturday somewhere.
I don't know.Copy !req
385. It's my birthday.Copy !req
386. Oh well, Happy Birthday.Copy !req
387. Are you going to sing Happy
Birthday to me?Copy !req
388. No.Copy !req
389. Why not? Why aren't you going to
sing Happy Birthday to me?Copy !req
390. I don't like the song.Copy !req
391. You are so square.Copy !req
392. Did you call me to insult me,
Professor?Copy !req
393. You're very important to me.Copy !req
394. I want you to hear something.Copy !req
395. Did you hear that?Copy !req
396. No.Copy !req
397. It was a cat purring.Copy !req
398. I took him from Ceres because there
was nobody left to take care of him.Copy !req
399. And now he's purring, cause now he's
with me, cause now he's happy.Copy !req
400. And now it's time for his treat.Copy !req
401. Oh, he likes that.Copy !req
402. I've got to go, Professor.Copy !req
403. Guess how old I am?Copy !req
404. I don't know.Copy !req
405. I'm ninety-six.Copy !req
406. No you're not.Copy !req
407. Yes I am! I'm ninety-six!Copy !req
408. Why won't you believe I'm
ninety-six?Copy !req
409. I guess you just look young.Copy !req
410. Well, what would you say if I said
that I'm younger than...Copy !req
411. ninety-six, because I just am?Copy !req
412. I'd say good-bye, Professor.Copy !req
413. I have a picture of you.Copy !req
414. Guess what you're doing?Copy !req
415. I'm taking a shit.Copy !req
416. I put it next to my Trophy and...Copy !req
417. then I say, "Oow, there's a
stinky boy".Copy !req
418. I got to go. Good-bye, Professor.Copy !req
419. Well, fine! Fine! But if you see any big pictures
of me don't tell anyone that you know me.Copy !req
420. It's a deal.Copy !req
421. No. No, you don't have to see any
big pictures of me...Copy !req
422. because I'm going to catch up
with you...Copy !req
423. And then we're going to have
a birthday party.Copy !req
424. I guess I'll see you then.Copy !req
425. A friend?Copy !req
426. A question to which yes or no
would not quite suffice.Copy !req
427. Does he call a lot?Copy !req
428. No.Copy !req
429. He disappears for long stretches of
time.Copy !req
430. Then he finds me...Copy !req
431. kills everyone I come in contact
with...Copy !req
432. and tries to forgive me.Copy !req
433. When he does that he's going to
kill me.Copy !req
434. Do you like him?Copy !req
435. Yeah.Copy !req
436. He's like family.Copy !req
437. And when he forgives you, he's
going to kill you?Copy !req
438. That's the kind of guy he is.Copy !req
439. What kind of guy is he?Copy !req
440. He's a Birthday Boy.Copy !req
441. He kills without reason.Copy !req
442. If he has no reason to kill you,
then he can kill you.Copy !req
443. But if he has a reason to kill you
then he's got a problem.Copy !req
444. And if he kills you without
resolving that problem, then...Copy !req
445. you'd be dead and the problem
would live on forever unresolved.Copy !req
446. That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
447. Yeah, it does.Copy !req
448. What did you do that was so hard
to forgive?Copy !req
449. Well...Copy !req
450. I'll tell you.Copy !req
451. Hey, I think I see a barn up ahead.Copy !req
452. We'll hide our spaceship in the
barn.Copy !req
453. What if there's something in there?Copy !req
454. How do?Copy !req
455. Nice...Copy !req
456. nice cabin in the sky you've
got here.Copy !req
457. Well, hell. Why don't you take off
your boots and float around?Copy !req
458. Where you from?Copy !req
459. We're Earth people.Copy !req
460. Yeah. Where about?Copy !req
461. Silver State of Nevada. How
about yourself?Copy !req
462. Yeah, I'm from there, but I moved
around a lot.Copy !req
463. What about the boy here?Copy !req
464. Is he your son?Copy !req
465. No, I'm just giving him a ride to
Venus.Copy !req
466. Yeah? What happened? Their King die
or something?Copy !req
467. Yeah.Copy !req
468. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
469. How old are you, kid?Copy !req
470. Fifteen.Copy !req
471. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
472. We got a little bastard about
your age.Copy !req
473. How'd you like to go kick his ass?Copy !req
474. No, thank you.Copy !req
475. What are you scared?Copy !req
476. He's got candy bars and cigarettes
back there.Copy !req
477. Now go kick the shit out of him.Copy !req
478. Ah, it don't make no difference.Copy !req
479. Little fuckers' going to kill us all.Copy !req
480. Who's the kid?Copy !req
481. He ain't got no real name. We call
him Bodysuit.Copy !req
482. Raised him so he could go back to
earth to find out more about the chart.Copy !req
483. But he ain't worth a shit!Copy !req
484. You see, in the year 1902 we were
just a bunch of silver miners.Copy !req
485. Out there every day digging in the
dirt...Copy !req
486. uneducated, and humping on each
other...Copy !req
487. every chance we could.Copy !req
488. Hell, sometimes some of us good ole
boys'd even be humping on each other.Copy !req
489. And it weren't like we were be trying
to be fancy.Copy !req
490. We just didn't know what the hell we
were looking at. Did we John?Copy !req
491. Yeah we didCopy !req
492. Huh. So one day I dug up this rock
and it was a brand new color.Copy !req
493. Not a trace or hint or nothing...Copy !req
494. of any other color you ever seen.Copy !req
495. It looked like, like memories and,
well, it was embarrassing.Copy !req
496. And if you looked at it...Copy !req
497. all the parts of your brain that just
sat there doing nothing...Copy !req
498. would start right up and you knew
what they were there for.Copy !req
499. So we looked at it and it turned us
real smart.Copy !req
500. The next day we went into town and
read all there was to read about the Chart.Copy !req
501. Then we went out into the desert,
built us this big barn...Copy !req
502. and sent it up here into space with
us in it.Copy !req
503. Been here ever since.Copy !req
504. Now the one thing we didn't reckon
on was space punies.Copy !req
505. What are space punies?Copy !req
506. Hey Jake. What are space
punies?Copy !req
507. In a world without gravity...Copy !req
508. the muscles will become dormant
and whither.Copy !req
509. Your spine will straighten and the
calcium...Copy !req
510. In your arms and legs will redistribute
itself in your head.Copy !req
511. Thank you, Jake. See old Jake knows.Copy !req
512. Hey Jake, what happens if you go
back to Earth with space punies?Copy !req
513. It kills you slicker than snot.Copy !req
514. That's right...Copy !req
515. So now we got to get back there
cause every day...Copy !req
516. they're making further discoveries
about the Chart.Copy !req
517. In an attempt to further our
knowledge...Copy !req
518. Jake and Edna started humping on
each other...Copy !req
519. And lo and behold, a child was born
among us.Copy !req
520. Had we known he'd have grown up
to be such a hellion...Copy !req
521. we'd have killed him on that day.Copy !req
522. Instead we raised him on coffee,
tobacco, candy bars...Copy !req
523. kind of stuff our guts couldn't take.Copy !req
524. We built him a suit of hydraulics...Copy !req
525. so his muscles would grow strong.Copy !req
526. He was raised to stand up against
Earth's gravity...Copy !req
527. as he set out to gain more knowledge
on behalf of his kin...Copy !req
528. A journey the boy don't know
nothing about...Copy !req
529. on account of him being as dumb
as a stick.Copy !req
530. How are you planning on getting
him back to Earth?Copy !req
531. We're kind of hoping you'd take him.Copy !req
532. Let's see if we can get his chocolate
and cigarettes.Copy !req
533. If we take him to Earth, can we keep
his chocolate and cigarettes?Copy !req
534. We ain't got no need for it.Copy !req
535. Okay.Copy !req
536. I hope you don't mind if we take
our time loading up.Copy !req
537. We're trying to avoid someone.Copy !req
538. That'll give you boys some time to
get acquainted.Copy !req
539. He's right through that door there.Copy !req
540. Thanks.Copy !req
541. If you ever find us again...Copy !req
542. could you tell us what the chart's
looking like these days...Copy !req
543. Captain? Captain?Copy !req
544. He stinks.Copy !req
545. What?Copy !req
546. He stinks.Copy !req
547. Excuse me.Copy !req
548. Well.Copy !req
549. Let's get him out of that stinky suit.Copy !req
550. Smell your hand.Copy !req
551. What if we leave him in the suit
and wash him as he is?Copy !req
552. We should probably just wipe him
down with solvent.Copy !req
553. Pin him.Copy !req
554. This is the Rio Yeti. Okay?
And when I do this line...Copy !req
555. I'm going to talk and when I do the next line
I'm going to move your mouth like this. Okay?Copy !req
556. South America is where I want to go.Copy !req
557. Don't you fear Yeti's in Rio?Copy !req
558. No. No? No.Copy !req
559. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti.
Rio Yeti.Copy !req
560. When I get to Venus, can I get a
dog?Copy !req
561. Dogs can't live on Venus.Copy !req
562. When they roll on their backs
the...Copy !req
563. pressure twists their guts up and it
kills them.Copy !req
564. Do you remember my old dog?Copy !req
565. Yeah.Copy !req
566. If I don't like Venus will you come
get me?Copy !req
567. Believe me...Copy !req
568. You'll like it.Copy !req
569. What are you going to do?Copy !req
570. South America is where I'm going
to go.Copy !req
571. Don't you fear the Yetis in Rio?Copy !req
572. No.Copy !req
573. No?Copy !req
574. No! No, No, No, No, No, No,
No, No, No, No...Copy !req
575. Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...Copy !req
576. No! No, No, No, No, No, No,
No, No, No.Copy !req
577. Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...Copy !req
578. Uh oh. Did I say something I should
not have?Copy !req
579. No.Copy !req
580. No?Copy !req
581. No! No, No, No, No, No, No,
No, No, No.Copy !req
582. Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti, Ri-o Ye-ti...Copy !req
583. What did your father teach you?
What did your father teach you?Copy !req
584. My father taught me to kill the
sunflower.Copy !req
585. Congratulations, Mr. Curtis, you are
now awake.Copy !req
586. Ten minutes to Venus.Copy !req
587. What the fuck?Copy !req
588. How many minutes?Copy !req
589. You all ready for your big day?Copy !req
590. You take care of him.Copy !req
591. I'll be back in a bit.Copy !req
592. What style. What class.Copy !req
593. The girl with the vagina made of glass.Copy !req
594. So perfect and pure, and
gynecologically demure.Copy !req
595. And the way her buttocks chews on
her shorts is very nice.Copy !req
596. Oh, yes, it's very nice.Copy !req
597. And the way her perfect bossoms need
no support...Copy !req
598. Oh, yes, that too is very nice.Copy !req
599. And wherever she may go all heavens
surround her.Copy !req
600. Envy's green-eyed monsters confound
her.Copy !req
601. Age-old myths and legends come true.Copy !req
602. Ancient prophecies all come to pass.Copy !req
603. All this and all because of you...Copy !req
604. the girl with the vagina made of glass.Copy !req
605. Why, Samuel Curtis, you flatter
me.Copy !req
606. My dear Cloris, any beautiful words
spoken on your behalf would only...Copy !req
607. Well, if you were only twenty years
younger...Copy !req
608. we'd all have our way with you.Copy !req
609. Which brings me to another subject.Copy !req
610. Not that I could ever tire of speaking
on your behalf...Copy !req
611. but I would like to proposition you.Copy !req
612. You have my attentions.Copy !req
613. Please don't think that my complete
focus is not on you and the ladies...Copy !req
614. but in my peripheral...Copy !req
615. I couldn't help but notice the handsome
remains of a gentleman.Copy !req
616. Johnny R.Copy !req
617. We still love him so. Honest we do.Copy !req
618. But it just hasn't been the same since
his Venusian demise.Copy !req
619. Yeah, I imagine it wouldn't be.Copy !req
620. You know, his family would like
his body back.Copy !req
621. We are all well aware of that,
Samuel Curtis.Copy !req
622. We are also aware of the honorarium
they have offered...Copy !req
623. and the greedy, heartless show of
scavengery we might expect...Copy !req
624. as a result of their generous offer.Copy !req
625. We might also have expected that you,
Samuel Curtis...Copy !req
626. could have been a little more sensitive
to our feelings...Copy !req
627. Instead of being the first to come and
try to take away our Johnny.Copy !req
628. I was actually going to swap you
for him.Copy !req
629. What could you have that would
possibly match the value...Copy !req
630. of our beloved Johnny's remains?Copy !req
631. I've got a sixteen year old boy in
my ship.Copy !req
632. Oh, Samuel.Copy !req
633. I swear, we had no way of knowing.Copy !req
634. How could you know?Copy !req
635. Your messenger never mentioned a
swap.Copy !req
636. He just said that you were coming.
- My messenger? -Copy !req
637. HI, Sam.Copy !req
638. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
639. That's Professor Hess.Copy !req
640. A Professor?Copy !req
641. Did you miss me?Copy !req
642. No.Copy !req
643. Yes you did. You did too miss me.
You're just saying that to make me mad.Copy !req
644. The Professor brought us a cat.Copy !req
645. Cloris...Copy !req
646. I'm afraid I won't be able to stay.Copy !req
647. Have your ladies dig my ship out of
the mud...Copy !req
648. and load Johnny into the bottom
cargo hatch.Copy !req
649. Why, a visit from Mr. Curtis wouldn't be the same
If we didn't have to dig his ship out of our mud.Copy !req
650. Oh, Samuel.Copy !req
651. The Professor suggests that we should
meet the boy first.Copy !req
652. I'll go get him.Copy !req
653. But if we could just make this fast.Copy !req
654. Of course. And Samuel?Copy !req
655. He is descended from great wealth,
is he not?Copy !req
656. Yeah.Copy !req
657. And please tell me he is a good dancer.Copy !req
658. The ladies do love to dance.Copy !req
659. Yeah, he's great.Copy !req
660. I'll have him bring his trophy.Copy !req
661. Move!Copy !req
662. I keep trying to get ready and he
keeps jumping in front of the mirror...Copy !req
663. playing with his face.Copy !req
664. You're not going out there.Copy !req
665. What?Copy !req
666. Shut up. Professor Hess is here. If
he sees you he's going to kill you.Copy !req
667. Why's he want to kill me?Copy !req
668. No reason.Copy !req
669. Let's fly out of here.Copy !req
670. There not going to dig out our ship
until they get a boy.Copy !req
671. Him.Copy !req
672. Yeah.Copy !req
673. That's what I'm thinking.Copy !req
674. Put on some of my clothes and
give him yours.Copy !req
675. Why does he have to wear my clothes?Copy !req
676. He doesn't have to...Copy !req
677. he gets to.Copy !req
678. ladies...Copy !req
679. here's your new lover boy.Copy !req
680. Well, isn't he fancy.Copy !req
681. Who the hell is that?Copy !req
682. That's the new King of Venus.Copy !req
683. That is not Lee Vilensky's boy.Copy !req
684. Well, Samuel, please explain.Copy !req
685. Who is this fanciful dandy who
has so quickly stolen our hearts?Copy !req
686. What!Copy !req
687. That's the wealthiest child in the
Solar System.Copy !req
688. He is not.Copy !req
689. Yes he is.Copy !req
690. No he isn't.Copy !req
691. Yes, he is.Copy !req
692. Oh.Copy !req
693. He seems to be in need of a bath.Copy !req
694. I haven't noticed.Copy !req
695. Smell your hand.Copy !req
696. I will kill him.Copy !req
697. You have every reason to kill him.Copy !req
698. Good luck, Professor.Copy !req
699. Samuel Curtis!Copy !req
700. It's my birthday.Copy !req
701. Some other time, Professor.Copy !req
702. This is where it ends...Copy !req
703. and other stories began.Copy !req
704. Sam moved back to earth with the
young man who saw the breast...Copy !req
705. and raised him as if he were his
own son.Copy !req
706. I stayed on Venus to help raise
Bodysuit...Copy !req
707. In the hopes that he would grow up
to be a fine young man...Copy !req
708. and I could kill him.Copy !req
709. But a boy seldom lives up to his
father's expectations.Copy !req