1. - Okay.
- Get back in there.Copy !req
2. - My wife's in there. And my children.Copy !req
3. Help me.Copy !req
4. Hurry up there. Come on.Copy !req
5. Sergeant, get those men
back to barracks!Copy !req
6. Sergeant, get those men
back to barracks!Copy !req
7. And so as the sun rose
over the island of Cheese,Copy !req
8. casting long shadows
through the sausage bushes,Copy !req
9. illuminating the tops of the honey treesCopy !req
10. and warming the fields of smoked salmon,Copy !req
11. - I, Baron Munchausen, who am renowned…Copy !req
12. first and foremost for telling the truth,Copy !req
13. the whole truth
and nothing but the truth —Copy !req
14. For while it has been my privilege…Copy !req
15. - Oh! Oh, tighter, tighter.Copy !req
16. Hold steady.Copy !req
17. How can you become a great actress
like me, poor darling,Copy !req
18. if you get blown to pieces?Copy !req
19. Come on!Copy !req
20. … my native land.Copy !req
21. - Oh, yeah!
- That's a good one, isn't it?Copy !req
22. - There to attempt the education…
- [audience gasping, laughing]Copy !req
23. … of the provincial and narrow-mindedCopy !req
24. and stupidly incredulous
fellow countrymen,Copy !req
25. we heaved anchor and set sail.Copy !req
26. We heaved anchor and set sail!Copy !req
27. The waves. The waves!Copy !req
28. Oh, bugger!Copy !req
29. - We heaved anchor and set sail!
- We are actors.Copy !req
30. - Where the devil are the stagehands?
- Dead!Copy !req
31. - They can't all have been killed.
- Not killed, ducky. Suicide.Copy !req
32. Nothing to do with your acting.Copy !req
33. And…Copy !req
34. - We heaved anchor —Copy !req
35. But ill luck pursued me.Copy !req
36. I was blown towards
the waiting jaws of a whaleCopy !req
37. of such prodigious size and lengthCopy !req
38. - that I could not…Copy !req
39. … even with a telescope,Copy !req
40. see the end of him.Copy !req
41. I have learned from experienceCopy !req
42. that a modicum of snuff
can be most efficacious.Copy !req
43. - Hell's bells and buckets of blood!Copy !req
44. - Where were the waves?Copy !req
45. - The waves — Ah! You've stabbed my vitals!
- Oh, God!Copy !req
46. You incompetent imbecile!Copy !req
47. It wasn't me. It was — It was her!Copy !req
48. It wasn't me! It was him!Copy !req
49. - You big pintle!Copy !req
50. We are supposed to be professionals!Copy !req
51. And we're trying to stay alive!Copy !req
52. Sally!Copy !req
53. - All right. All right. Shh.Copy !req
54. Now, stay in here or I shall lock you up.Copy !req
55. - Where's my brother?
- What?Copy !req
56. You haven't got a brother.Copy !req
57. Then you just tell me why it says,
"Henry Salt and Son."Copy !req
58. I'm your daughter.Copy !req
59. Should never have taught you to read.Copy !req
60. "And Son" is traditional.Copy !req
61. That's the way it's supposed to be.Copy !req
62. What's this?Copy !req
63. Bah!Copy !req
64. No. The sultan's demands
are still not sufficiently rational.Copy !req
65. The only lasting peace is one based
on reason and scientific principle.Copy !req
66. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Jackson.Copy !req
67. The first act didn't go
quite as we would have liked.Copy !req
68. One or two little technical problems.Copy !req
69. Oh, please don't apologize, Mr. Salt.Copy !req
70. I'm sure you're doing your best
in very trying circumstances.Copy !req
71. - Your attention.
- Hmm? Ah, excuse me.Copy !req
72. They're our soldiers.Copy !req
73. Ah, the officer who risked his lifeCopy !req
74. - by single-handedly destroying…
- Six.Copy !req
75. … six enemy cannonCopy !req
76. - and rescuing…
- Ten.Copy !req
77. … ten of our men
held captive by the Turk.Copy !req
78. Yes, sir.Copy !req
79. The officer about whom
we've heard so much.Copy !req
80. I suppose so, sir.Copy !req
81. Always taking risks
far beyond the call of duty.Copy !req
82. I only did my best, sir.Copy !req
83. Have him executed at once.Copy !req
84. Yes, sir. Come along!Copy !req
85. This sort of behavior
is demoralizingCopy !req
86. for the ordinary soldiers and citizensCopy !req
87. who are trying to lead normal,
simple, unexceptional lives.Copy !req
88. Things are difficult enough as it isCopy !req
89. without these emotional people
rocking the boat.Copy !req
90. Ah! Constantinople!Copy !req
91. - The court of the Grand Turk.Copy !req
92. What a surprise that a passing zephyrCopy !req
93. should waft me here.Copy !req
94. Perhaps fate wishes me to teach the sultan
a lesson or two.Copy !req
95. His Highness, the sultan,
loved a good wineCopy !req
96. and could never resist a wager,Copy !req
97. characteristics that were
to cost him dear.Copy !req
98. Lies! Lies! The scoundrels!Copy !req
99. I won't put up with it! It's intolerable!Copy !req
100. Stop this travesty! Stop it!Copy !req
101. I think we should —Copy !req
102. - It's an insult. An indignity.Copy !req
103. I've never seen so much rubbish
in all my life.Copy !req
104. You don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
105. - After a sumptuous dinner…
- Outrageous!Copy !req
106. Is this supposed to happen?Copy !req
107. - … the sultan bade me to accompany him…
- Yes, I think so.Copy !req
108. … to his private apartments.Copy !req
109. Please — No, no, no. Please —
Please leave the stage.Copy !req
110. This blackguard's an impostor.Copy !req
111. I am Baron Munchausen,
and I won't be made a fool of.Copy !req
112. Please, leave. You cannot come up here.Copy !req
113. We are presenting a performance.Copy !req
114. You are presenting a mockery.Copy !req
115. You present me as if I were
a ridiculous fiction, a joke.Copy !req
116. I won't have it.Copy !req
117. - [screaming, shouting]Copy !req
118. - Get him out of here!
- What the devil's going on?Copy !req
119. Whoa!Copy !req
120. - [chattering, jeering]Copy !req
121. - Come and see!Copy !req
122. Curtain!Copy !req
123. Ring the curtain!Copy !req
124. Get off. Get him off, get him off!
Get him off!Copy !req
125. Get rid of the old fool!
You're ruining the show!Copy !req
126. Quick, Jeremy, Bill, do something.
I must talk with my audience.Copy !req
127. - [booing, jeering continues]
- Ladies and gentlemen, I must —Copy !req
128. I must apologize for this —
this most dreadful occurrence.Copy !req
129. I can assure you that…Copy !req
130. … we will endeavor
to continue with the performanceCopy !req
131. as advertised in your sheet.Copy !req
132. - Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
133. Beautiful ladies.Copy !req
134. Hello.Copy !req
135. Beautiful ladies.Copy !req
136. You have really great taste, sir.Copy !req
137. Otherwise, it's all quite wrong!Copy !req
138. Listen, cocky,
uh, w-we've got a show to do and —Copy !req
139. Good Lord. Berthold.Copy !req
140. Who's Berthold?Copy !req
141. How on earth —Copy !req
142. It's marvelous to see you. How are you?Copy !req
143. Where have you been? How are your legs?Copy !req
144. - Where are the others?
- Sally, come away.Copy !req
145. Albrecht.Copy !req
146. Adolphus.Copy !req
147. Gustavus.Copy !req
148. I can't believe it. This is miraculous.Copy !req
149. - I'm Bill.
- He's Bill.Copy !req
150. Is he still here? Will you get rid of him,
for goodness' sake!Copy !req
151. - What is the matter?
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.Copy !req
152. We're just about to start
the second act afresh.Copy !req
153. - "Afresh"?
- Who is this?Copy !req
154. I've no idea. Some old lunatic.Copy !req
155. He's Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
156. Oh, I see.Copy !req
157. The real Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
158. Yes, indeed.Copy !req
159. And who, sir, may I ask, are you?Copy !req
160. A public servant.Copy !req
161. I am responsible for, among other things,
the licensing of this theater.Copy !req
162. This, sir,
is the Right Ordinary Horatio Jackson,Copy !req
163. who just happens to be winning the war
and saving the city.Copy !req
164. Ha!Copy !req
165. Now, please leave us.Copy !req
166. - He's an ass.Copy !req
167. Only I can end this war.Copy !req
168. Explain yourself.Copy !req
169. I can end it because I began it.Copy !req
170. I am the cause.Copy !req
171. I'm afraid, sir,
you have rather a weak grasp of reality.Copy !req
172. Your reality, sir,Copy !req
173. is lies and balderdash,Copy !req
174. and I'm delighted to say
that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.Copy !req
175. This man obviously needs a doctor.Copy !req
176. - Doctor? Doctor?Copy !req
177. We will continue with the show.
So thank you very much, Your Ordinariness.Copy !req
178. Right. Off!Copy !req
179. Please! Please be reasonable.Copy !req
180. If we don't get on with it,
he'll throw us to the Turks.Copy !req
181. - I'll get on with it.Copy !req
182. I'll show them how it should be.Copy !req
183. My lords.Copy !req
184. Ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
185. Baron Munchausen at your service.Copy !req
186. Pruned any noses recently?Copy !req
187. - Give us a song!
- Now, wait, wait.Copy !req
188. - Most of you won't remember me…
- Get him off there.Copy !req
189. … or my adventures,
but I assure you they are true.Copy !req
190. Let's have it then!Copy !req
191. The truth is,Copy !req
192. I am the cause of this siege.Copy !req
193. - Don't be stupid!
- What about the Turks, then?Copy !req
194. You're the cause
of the border dispute, are you?Copy !req
195. - It's the sea routes we're fighting for!
- No, it isn't!Copy !req
196. - That was last time!
- Get him out!Copy !req
197. - You poor, deluded fools.Copy !req
198. If you would only do me the courtesyCopy !req
199. - of accepting the word of a gentleman,Copy !req
200. I will reveal the true cause of this war.Copy !req
201. - After my —
- Oh!Copy !req
202. Oh, dear.Copy !req
203. After my return from Egypt,Copy !req
204. I was most warmly welcomed
by the Grand Turk.Copy !req
205. His Highness, the sultan,Copy !req
206. who knew of my reputationCopy !req
207. and held me in high esteem.Copy !req
208. In fact, so delighted was he
with my companyCopy !req
209. that he offered me access to his harem.Copy !req
210. - One day…
- Go on. Go on.Copy !req
211. … the sultan brought me a bottle
of his favorite Tokay.Copy !req
212. Thank you.Copy !req
213. Mmm.Copy !req
214. What do you think of that, eh?Copy !req
215. Not bad.Copy !req
216. "Not bad"?Copy !req
217. My dear Munchausen,
it's impossible to find better.Copy !req
218. Humbug, Your Majesty.Copy !req
219. What do you wager that I won't
procure for you, within the hour,Copy !req
220. a bottle of Tokay far superior to thisCopy !req
221. from the imperial cellar at Vienna,Copy !req
222. a mere thousand-odd miles away?Copy !req
223. Accept my challenge.Copy !req
224. If I don't succeed,
you may cut off my head.Copy !req
225. These are my stakes. What are yours?Copy !req
226. I accept.Copy !req
227. And if you succeed,
you may take from my treasuryCopy !req
228. as much treasure
as the strongest man can carry.Copy !req
229. Agreed.Copy !req
230. Give me pen and ink and I will write
to the empress immediately.Copy !req
231. Berthold?Copy !req
232. [Munchausen, echoing] Berthold!Copy !req
233. Coming!Copy !req
234. Oh, blast. Sorry, gents. I've gotta go.Copy !req
235. Take this to Vienna, to the empress.Copy !req
236. She will give you a bottle of wine.Copy !req
237. Bring it straight to me.Copy !req
238. Right-o.Copy !req
239. Perhaps you would care for a little
light entertainment while you wait.Copy !req
240. I have been composing a short opera.Copy !req
241. - Would you like to hear a song or two?
- No, thank you.Copy !req
242. Oh, you'll love it. It's a comedy.Copy !req
243. It's called The Torturer's Apprentice.Copy !req
244. Here's the overture.Copy !req
245. - [prisoners screaming, grunting]Copy !req
246. - The curtain —Copy !req
247. The curtain rises on a typical,
everyday torture chamber.Copy !req
248. Yosrick, the young apprentice,Copy !req
249. sings of his joy in his job.Copy !req
250. Act 4 is set in an abattoir. Heh-heh!Copy !req
251. I see a lot of slapstick.Copy !req
252. We begin with the arrival
of the eunuchs' chorus who sing,Copy !req
253. "Cut Off in My Prime,
Mein Herz, Mein Herz."Copy !req
254. Excuse me a moment.Copy !req
255. Oh, you won't want to miss this aria.Copy !req
256. It reminds me of my school days
in England.Copy !req
257. Hyah!Copy !req
258. Steady.Copy !req
259. Where the hell's Berthold?Copy !req
260. Don't know. I thought he was with you.Copy !req
261. Well, if he's not here
in three and a half minutes,Copy !req
262. the sultan is going to cut off my head.Copy !req
263. And?Copy !req
264. "And"?Copy !req
265. Is that all?Copy !req
266. I'm sorry. I don't find that funny.
Do you find that funny?Copy !req
267. This isn't a joke. It's a wager.Copy !req
268. A wager?Copy !req
269. - He's asleep.Copy !req
270. You can hear him snoring,
about 900 miles away.Copy !req
271. Come on.Copy !req
272. - Hey!Copy !req
273. - He's under a tree.Copy !req
274. - Near Belgrade.
- What?Copy !req
275. - There's a bottle beside him.
- I hope he hasn't been at it.Copy !req
276. So do I.Copy !req
277. What's the wind speed, Gus?Copy !req
278. Three knots.Copy !req
279. Mmm.Copy !req
280. Oh!Copy !req
281. Well…Copy !req
282. Time's nearly up, I think.Copy !req
283. Ready.Copy !req
284. There.Copy !req
285. Now.Copy !req
286. - Huh?Copy !req
287. - Not late, am I?
- No.Copy !req
288. Not late, thank you very much.Copy !req
289. Thanks. I needed a trim.Copy !req
290. Much obliged.Copy !req
291. From the empress.Copy !req
292. Ah.Copy !req
293. Mmm. Ooh.Copy !req
294. Mmm!Copy !req
295. Delicious.Copy !req
296. You win.Copy !req
297. Treasurer, allow my friend here
to take from the treasuryCopy !req
298. as much as the strongest man can carry.Copy !req
299. Yes.Copy !req
300. Yes. That's it.Copy !req
301. Thanks, squire.Copy !req
302. I must speak with the sultan.Copy !req
303. - What is it?
- Excellency, they've taken everything.Copy !req
304. What?Copy !req
305. - Aah!Copy !req
306. Ha! Right.Copy !req
307. Uh-oh.Copy !req
308. Ah!Copy !req
309. Gustavus.Copy !req
310. Stop them!Copy !req
311. Bring them back!Copy !req
312. Gustavus, again.Copy !req
313. Fire!Copy !req
314. Don't shoot!Copy !req
315. - Stand firm, my friends!
- Take cover!Copy !req
316. Whoa!Copy !req
317. - Regroup!Copy !req
318. Don't leave me!Copy !req
319. - Let me in, let me in!Copy !req
320. And so, as you can see,
the sultan is still after my head.Copy !req
321. Wait, stop. Don't go.Copy !req
322. Come back. There's more. There's more!Copy !req
323. I haven't finished. Don't leave now.Copy !req
324. Gustavus. Adolphus. Albrecht.Copy !req
325. We're about to make off
with the sultan's treasure.Copy !req
326. We can't just stop.Copy !req
327. Berthold!Copy !req
328. The name's Desmond, mate.Copy !req
329. We're actors,
not figments of your imagination.Copy !req
330. Now, get a grip!Copy !req
331. Oh, come back.Copy !req
332. Come back.Copy !req
333. Come back!Copy !req
334. What the devil is the sultan playing at?Copy !req
335. It's Wednesday, isn't it?Copy !req
336. I'm terribly sorry, sir, about the show.
One or two minor setbacks here, sir.Copy !req
337. This theater's closed. I want you and
your company out of this city by tomorrow.Copy !req
338. Oh, no, sir, no! No, sir, sir, please!
Give us a se —Copy !req
339. Sir, look at these favorable endorsements
from all over Europe, sir.Copy !req
340. "Mr. Salt's company holds a mirror
up to nature." Vienna Clarion.Copy !req
341. "Great value for money." Paris Echo.Copy !req
342. "A good night out." Glasgow Herald.
Just give us one second…Copy !req
343. Here, boy. Good boy. It's all right.Copy !req
344. - Here, boy. Here, boy.Copy !req
345. Are you all right?Copy !req
346. Am I dead?Copy !req
347. No.Copy !req
348. Blast.Copy !req
349. - Who are you really?Copy !req
350. Baron Munchausen isn't real.
He's only in stories.Copy !req
351. Go away. I'm trying to die.Copy !req
352. Why?Copy !req
353. Because I'm tired of the world,Copy !req
354. and the world is evidently tired of me.Copy !req
355. But why? Why?Copy !req
356. Why? Why? Why?Copy !req
357. Because it's all logic and reason now.Copy !req
358. Science. Progress.Copy !req
359. Tsk, tsk.Copy !req
360. Laws of hydraulics.
Laws of social dynamics.Copy !req
361. Laws of this, that and the other.Copy !req
362. No place for three-legged cyclopesCopy !req
363. in the South Seas.Copy !req
364. No place for cucumber treesCopy !req
365. and oceans of wine.Copy !req
366. No place for me.Copy !req
367. - What happened in the story?
- What?Copy !req
368. In the sultan's palace. Did you escape?Copy !req
369. - Were you killed?
- I don't know.Copy !req
370. It was all a long time ago.Copy !req
371. Who cares?Copy !req
372. I do.Copy !req
373. I'm very tired.Copy !req
374. Goodbye.Copy !req
375. Please tell me.Copy !req
376. - No.
- Go on.Copy !req
377. Buzz off.Copy !req
378. Tell me!Copy !req
379. Please.Copy !req
380. You really want to know, don't you?Copy !req
381. Stop it!Copy !req
382. Stop it! We'll all be killed!Copy !req
383. And then I'll never know
the end of the story!Copy !req
384. Wait. Wait, where are you going?Copy !req
385. Come back. Come back!Copy !req
386. Stop it!Copy !req
387. Wait. Wait. Come back.Copy !req
388. Take cover!Copy !req
389. Wretched child.Copy !req
390. Get that powder under cover!Copy !req
391. No!Copy !req
392. Stop it!Copy !req
393. Stop it!Copy !req
394. Get away! Stop it!Copy !req
395. - Get down!
- Stop it!Copy !req
396. - No!Copy !req
397. You'll get us both killed.Copy !req
398. I thought you wanted to die.Copy !req
399. Yes, but I'm old enough.Copy !req
400. Gentlemen, don't you think
it would be a good ideaCopy !req
401. to silence those enemy cannon?Copy !req
402. No, sir.Copy !req
403. No?Copy !req
404. It's Wednesday.Copy !req
405. Oh, my. Wednesday…Copy !req
406. Left! Left! Left!Copy !req
407. Oh, no!Copy !req
408. Oh!Copy !req
409. The Turks are about to storm the walls.Copy !req
410. You really are Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
411. This is the end.Copy !req
412. It's all over.Copy !req
413. Generations of theatrical expertiseCopy !req
414. snuffed out in the twinkling of an eye.Copy !req
415. Sally?Copy !req
416. Sally!Copy !req
417. Ah! Get off!Copy !req
418. Sally, come here.Copy !req
419. You cretinous, senile old fart!Copy !req
420. Thanks to you,
we're to be thrown to the Turks.Copy !req
421. Oh, yes.Copy !req
422. But he is Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
423. The real one.Copy !req
424. - You must believe me.
- Hurry!Copy !req
425. No, honestly, he is, he is.Copy !req
426. Ah, shut up!Copy !req
427. But he is, and he can save us.Copy !req
428. - Can't you?
- Shambles.Copy !req
429. He jumped onto a cannonball.Copy !req
430. He really did.Copy !req
431. And he flew miles up into the sky,
above the elephants and soldiers —Copy !req
432. God, stop lying!Copy !req
433. I'm not lying!Copy !req
434. Am I?Copy !req
435. As a matter of fact, you are.Copy !req
436. But he did.Copy !req
437. And those soldiers saw him too.Copy !req
438. They'll tell you!Copy !req
439. Oh. They're dead.Copy !req
440. But he did!Copy !req
441. No, I didn't.Copy !req
442. Now you're lying!Copy !req
443. I never lie.Copy !req
444. - Oh!Copy !req
445. Sally! Stay here!
What's got into you?Copy !req
446. I didn't fly miles.Copy !req
447. It was more like a mile and a half.Copy !req
448. And I didn't precisely fly.Copy !req
449. I merely held on to a mortar shell
in the first instanceCopy !req
450. and then a cannonball on the way back.Copy !req
451. You maniac. You've done for us.Copy !req
452. Actually, it doesn't matter
whether you're thrown out or stay here.Copy !req
453. The Turks are about to take the town.Copy !req
454. - Quickly, bring those guns out!
- Come on!Copy !req
455. - Oh!Copy !req
456. And I was just coming into my prime!Copy !req
457. I'm just on the cusp
between Romeo and King Lear.Copy !req
458. My public will kill me
for dying at a time like this.Copy !req
459. - Save us!
- Yes.Copy !req
460. Save us!Copy !req
461. Don't disappoint me.Copy !req
462. Please, Baron, please. Oh.Copy !req
463. You are a baron, aren't you? Huh?Copy !req
464. You're our only hope.Copy !req
465. You are my only hope.Copy !req
466. Ladies, ladies, please.Copy !req
467. Please.Copy !req
468. I swear that as long as I,Copy !req
469. Hieronymus Karl Frederick
Baron von Munchausen,Copy !req
470. live and breathe,Copy !req
471. you shall come to no harm.Copy !req
472. You so remind me of Catherine the Great,Copy !req
473. empress of all the Russias,Copy !req
474. whose hand in marriage
I once had the honor to decline.Copy !req
475. They all remind you?Copy !req
476. Yes. Why not?Copy !req
477. Some bits here, some bits there.Copy !req
478. I have a plan.Copy !req
479. - I will set forth immediately…Copy !req
480. … to find my extraordinary servantsCopy !req
481. and with their help
raise the siege and save the town.Copy !req
482. Oh, brilliant. Oh, very good. Bravo.Copy !req
483. How?Copy !req
484. Ladies, I shall require your assistance.Copy !req
485. - Of course.
- Anything.Copy !req
486. Just tell us what to do.Copy !req
487. Kindly be so good
as to remove your knickers.Copy !req
488. Yes. Just like this. Yes, well done there.Copy !req
489. Look at all that underwear.Copy !req
490. Isn't it beautiful?Copy !req
491. It's like a dream come true.Copy !req
492. It's the dawning of the age
of lovely, intimate things.Copy !req
493. But it's madness.
He'll kill himself.Copy !req
494. Yeah, but well worth it, eh?Copy !req
495. That's enough nattering.
Keep pumping. Keep pumping!Copy !req
496. - Better report this.
- You're right.Copy !req
497. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
498. We need a very simple plan.
These are far too complicated.Copy !req
499. - Simplicity is of the essence.
- Sir.Copy !req
500. Sir, those actors
have made an air balloon.Copy !req
501. They're trying to escape.Copy !req
502. Arrest them at once.Copy !req
503. Throw them out of the town.Copy !req
504. We can't open the gates, sir.Copy !req
505. Well, throw them over the walls, then.Copy !req
506. Yes, sir.Copy !req
507. We can't start escaping
at a time like this.Copy !req
508. What would future generations think of us?Copy !req
509. Right! Follow me!Copy !req
510. Hold it, hold it. Don't let it go.Copy !req
511. Whoa!Copy !req
512. Hold it, Adolphus.Copy !req
513. Bring it down, bring it down.Copy !req
514. That's it. Bring the ladder over here.Copy !req
515. - That's it, that's it.
- Take care.Copy !req
516. My dear.Copy !req
517. Baron!Copy !req
518. Oi! Have you seen Sally?Copy !req
519. No.Copy !req
520. Ah, thank you, my dear.Copy !req
521. Stop! You are under arrest!Copy !req
522. Let go! Let go!Copy !req
523. - Quickly now. Quickly!Copy !req
524. Let go!Copy !req
525. Shoot him down! Take aim!Copy !req
526. - Fire!Copy !req
527. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
528. I shall shortly return
with reinforcements.Copy !req
529. Don't lose heart.Copy !req
530. And for all those ladies
to whom I'm indebtedCopy !req
531. for half a ton of frilly silk
and lacy linen,Copy !req
532. don't catch cold.Copy !req
533. - Au revoir.Copy !req
534. Stay, Argus, stay. I'll soon be back.Copy !req
535. I will wait for you!Copy !req
536. Come back soon!Copy !req
537. He won't get far on hot air and fantasy.Copy !req
538. Blast!Copy !req
539. Hang on, hang on.Copy !req
540. Kids!Copy !req
541. Thanks.Copy !req
542. Now you've ruined everything.Copy !req
543. I'll have to douse the fire
to let you down. Tsk, tsk.Copy !req
544. I'll never get off again.Copy !req
545. - I'm going with you.
- I absolutely and utterly refuse.Copy !req
546. If we go down now,
we'll land on the Turks.Copy !req
547. Huh?Copy !req
548. - Ah!Copy !req
549. We've got to find your servants
and get back here quickly.Copy !req
550. That is what I had in mind.Copy !req
551. Where are we going?Copy !req
552. To the moon.Copy !req
553. What? That'll take ages.Copy !req
554. - No, it won't.
- Of course it will.Copy !req
555. Why are we going there?Copy !req
556. That's where I last saw Berthold.Copy !req
557. - Have you ever been to the moon?
- No.Copy !req
558. Ah, interesting place.Copy !req
559. The king and queen are charming.Copy !req
560. You know about their
detachable heads, don't you?Copy !req
561. - No.
- Ah.Copy !req
562. Their heads go off
for intellectual pursuits,Copy !req
563. while their bodies engage
in more, uh, bodily activities.Copy !req
564. The trouble is, their heads and bodies
don't always see eye to eye.Copy !req
565. You do believe me, don't you?Copy !req
566. I'm doing my best.Copy !req
567. Mmm.Copy !req
568. Are you scared?Copy !req
569. Certainly not.Copy !req
570. - Are you?
- Certainly not.Copy !req
571. Oh!Copy !req
572. Grab the rope!Copy !req
573. We're here.Copy !req
574. You look different.Copy !req
575. Younger.Copy !req
576. I always feel rejuvenated
by a touch of adventure.Copy !req
577. For heaven's sake,
don't you get any youngerCopy !req
578. or I'll have to find a wet nurse.Copy !req
579. Look.Copy !req
580. You'll find that I'm one
of the king's special favorites.Copy !req
581. We shall receive a right royal welcome.Copy !req
582. Now what?Copy !req
583. I've got you at last.Copy !req
584. Benvenuto alla luna, Baron.Copy !req
585. Your Majesty. What a great pleasure it is
to see you again.Copy !req
586. May I introduce my friend Sally?Copy !req
587. Sally, King of the Moon.Copy !req
588. Well, his head, at any rate.Copy !req
589. I'm sorry, you must refer to me
by my complete title:Copy !req
590. King of Everything.Copy !req
591. Re di Tutto. But you may call me Ray.Copy !req
592. You know, the moon is a very
insignificant part of my domain now.Copy !req
593. There is so much, much,
much, much, much more.Copy !req
594. My old friend, you —
you seem to be in some discomfort.Copy !req
595. What ails you?Copy !req
596. Nothing ails me.Copy !req
597. Can you not see
that I am at one with the cosmos, hmm?Copy !req
598. Ah.Copy !req
599. "Ah"? I tell you that,
and all you can say is "ah"?Copy !req
600. What are you, blind?Copy !req
601. Baron, let me explain it to you.Copy !req
602. Since you were last here,
I, that is, my head,Copy !req
603. that which is left of me,Copy !req
604. where the brilliant
and important parts are located,Copy !req
605. is now ruling and governing
the known universe.Copy !req
606. And that which I don't know, I create.Copy !req
607. I just created spring.Copy !req
608. But seriously, without me,
there would be nothing. Not even you.Copy !req
609. Cogito ergo es.Copy !req
610. I think, therefore you is.Copy !req
611. Your old friend's a lunatic.Copy !req
612. - So it would seem.Copy !req
613. He's certainly fallen prey
to delusions of grandeur.Copy !req
614. Being in tune with
every molecule in the universeCopy !req
615. requires a great deal of concentration.Copy !req
616. That is why having you on the loose,
Baron, does not help.Copy !req
617. You see, your little stories
are somewhat of a distraction to me.Copy !req
618. You are like a mosquito in the Taj Mahal.Copy !req
619. I must inform you, my liege,Copy !req
620. without my adventures
you wouldn't be here.Copy !req
621. Well, so I am now part of your adventures?Copy !req
622. Well, we shall see about that, huh?Copy !req
623. Hmm.Copy !req
624. Now, Baron, who created who?
I hope you'll be very comfortable.Copy !req
625. - Ciao.
- Oh, Roger!Copy !req
626. There goes my revolting body
with the queen.Copy !req
627. Oh, stop. Oh, I'm tired.Copy !req
628. Oh! Go away. Damn it, he can't hear me.Copy !req
629. Please. Oh!Copy !req
630. Oh, you stinking, horrible man.
Leave me alone!Copy !req
631. It's so embarrassing. Please don't look.Copy !req
632. Maybe he will go away.Copy !req
633. It is hard to believe my body and I
were ever attached.Copy !req
634. We are so totally incompatible.Copy !req
635. He is still dangling from the food chain,
and I am in the stars.Copy !req
636. Oh, it is so unmetaphysi —
No. No, go away.Copy !req
637. No. I despise you. Let me go.Copy !req
638. No! No, no!Copy !req
639. I'm back!Copy !req
640. I got lips again,
and I'm gonna use 'em, baby.Copy !req
641. It's me. I'm your elephant of joy.Copy !req
642. - Oh!Copy !req
643. - Give me bacio, baby.
- Yes, but eat first, darling.Copy !req
644. That's right.Copy !req
645. You gotta mangia before baci.Copy !req
646. Mmm, mmm. I need this stuff.Copy !req
647. You can't do that
when you don't got no mouth.Copy !req
648. Baron.Copy !req
649. - I'm back in business.Copy !req
650. Ah, oh. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
651. Hey, hey! You don't go nowhere.Copy !req
652. - Baron.
- Your most wondrous Majesty.Copy !req
653. - Hey! I know you.
- Oh!Copy !req
654. You're the little guy tried to make off
with my queen last time you were here.Copy !req
655. - Huh?
- Eh, moi?Copy !req
656. We'll have no more of that,
piccolo Casanova.Copy !req
657. What are you looking at?Copy !req
658. Here you go, lovebirds.
I'm sure you'll be very uncomfortable.Copy !req
659. Oh, I am free again.
Free to concentrate on higher things.Copy !req
660. Heh-heh. Oh! Oh.Copy !req
661. Oi! Oh. Ha.Copy !req
662. Why don't you go back
and amuse yourself in the slime, huh?Copy !req
663. Oh, you miss me. Oh!Copy !req
664. I'm blind.
Wait! My kingdom for a handkerchief.Copy !req
665. Wait, don't. Oh! No, let me go!Copy !req
666. I've got tides to regulate,
comets to direct.Copy !req
667. I don't have time
for flatulence and orgasms.Copy !req
668. I hate that face you make me make, that —Copy !req
669. Please, please, no.
I don't want any more bodily functions.Copy !req
670. Oh! Oh, no, please, let me go!Copy !req
671. - I don't have time for this.
- Farewell, Baron.Copy !req
672. One of the king's favorites?Copy !req
673. This cage isn't real.Copy !req
674. It's just part of the king's lunacy.Copy !req
675. It seems solid enough to me.Copy !req
676. I see we're in
a not-very-helpful frame of mind.Copy !req
677. How are we supposed
to save the town from here?Copy !req
678. The town is perfectly all right.Copy !req
679. The present assault is over.
Everyone is quite safe there.Copy !req
680. How do you know?Copy !req
681. I just know.Copy !req
682. - Ow! Ow.Copy !req
683. - Huh? What the devil?
- Ow!Copy !req
684. All right, I'm coming.Copy !req
685. Come out. Come out of there.Copy !req
686. Help.Copy !req
687. - Come out.Copy !req
688. - Come out of there.
- Ow!Copy !req
689. - Stop that. What'd you do that for?
- I beg your pardon.Copy !req
690. - I thought you might be unfriendly.
- Of course I'm unfriendly.Copy !req
691. - You'd be unfriendly if I prodded you.
- Who are you?Copy !req
692. I can't remember. I've been here so long.Copy !req
693. We'll be like that if we don't escape.Copy !req
694. Why are you here?Copy !req
695. Oh, I'm a very wicked criminal.Copy !req
696. What have you done?Copy !req
697. I can't remember.Copy !req
698. Then how do you know you're very wicked?Copy !req
699. Well, uh, f-for one thing,
um, I'm in here.Copy !req
700. And, uh, for another,Copy !req
701. I've got these shackles on.Copy !req
702. - Berthold!
- Eh?Copy !req
703. It's Berthold.Copy !req
704. Berthold.Copy !req
705. It's me, the Baron.Copy !req
706. I knew I'd find you on the moon.Copy !req
707. I'm gonna take you back to Earth
so you can help us fight the sultan.Copy !req
708. Get off! Get off me!Copy !req
709. You're Berthold. Berthold, my old servant.Copy !req
710. Those leg irons are to slow you down,
stop you tearing off all over the place.Copy !req
711. - You must be joking.
- You always wore them, remember?Copy !req
712. - You're crackers.
- I'm Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
713. Hmm. That sounds nasty. Is it contagious?Copy !req
714. - We're wasting time.Copy !req
715. Darling Baron.Copy !req
716. - Ariadne.Copy !req
717. I'm sorry I could not speak to you before,Copy !req
718. but Roger's so difficult.Copy !req
719. Where exactly is Roger?Copy !req
720. In bed with my body, of course.Copy !req
721. Stop it. Stop it.Copy !req
722. If he discovers my head's with you…Copy !req
723. Quickly, quickly, quickly.Copy !req
724. Climb into my hair.Copy !req
725. Why is she making those funny noises?Copy !req
726. No, not there. Yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
727. Her body is with the king, and… he is, uh…Copy !req
728. … tickling her feet.Copy !req
729. Yes, yes, yes! No! Oh, no!Copy !req
730. - Berthold, come on.
- Let go of me.Copy !req
731. - You're coming with us.
- No chance.Copy !req
732. - Why not?
- I can't remember.Copy !req
733. - You're not frightened, are you?
- That's it.Copy !req
734. - Come on, help me.
- Stop it.Copy !req
735. - Hurry, hurry.
- Come on, quickly.Copy !req
736. - Climb aboard.
- Ooh, la, la!Copy !req
737. - Give me your hand.
- Roger. Oh!Copy !req
738. - Hold tight.
- I don't want to escape!Copy !req
739. - Oh, no! Aah!Copy !req
740. - Oh, gosh. I can't hold on!Copy !req
741. Oh, yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
742. Oh. I love this!
I'll tickle you till dawn, darling.Copy !req
743. There we go.
Ahf — Ahf — [sneezes, laughs]Copy !req
744. Oh, there. I wipe everything away there.
Tickly, tickly, tickly.Copy !req
745. Oh, darling, you love this. I know you do.Copy !req
746. But you don't say anything.
Why you don't say anything?Copy !req
747. You are a pillow biter, that's it.Copy !req
748. Hey, tickly, tickly, tickly.Copy !req
749. Oh, Baron, I — I must get back to Roger
before he notices I am headless.Copy !req
750. I quite understand.Copy !req
751. Darling,Copy !req
752. take me with you.Copy !req
753. - Back to Earth?
- Yes.Copy !req
754. Oh, yes!Copy !req
755. Uh… without your body?Copy !req
756. I thought you loved me for myself.Copy !req
757. Oh, I did. I-I mean, I do.Copy !req
758. - Of course I do. I-It's just, uh —
- We have to go!Copy !req
759. I think you're right, aren't you?
It's impossible.Copy !req
760. Here, take a lock of my hair.Copy !req
761. Just a lock, cocky, not the whole carpet.Copy !req
762. I shall treasure it always.Copy !req
763. The king!Copy !req
764. Oh! Oh! I must go! Oh!Copy !req
765. Au revoir, my dear Baron.Copy !req
766. Oh.Copy !req
767. Mmm!Copy !req
768. Oh, yes!Copy !req
769. I am coming, Roger.Copy !req
770. I'm coming!Copy !req
771. Darling, I am going to drive you
to China. Let it out —Copy !req
772. Oh, my God! Where is your head?Copy !req
773. No wonder you so quiet, eh?Copy !req
774. I'm too rough. I knock it off, huh?Copy !req
775. It's around here.
I'll find it, we play head-and-seek.Copy !req
776. Hold on. Darling —Copy !req
777. Oh, you play a trick, eh?
Darling, come out.Copy !req
778. You're not here. Oh…
Where are you? Where —Copy !req
779. You are with the baron.Copy !req
780. You are with that little man.Copy !req
781. You told me size don't make a difference!Copy !req
782. Oh, you puttana!Copy !req
783. No head to hit. That's it!Copy !req
784. I'll find you, Baron,
and then I'll kill you.Copy !req
785. Faster. Faster.Copy !req
786. I'll make a baron brochette.
Sybil, andiamo!Copy !req
787. - Fly!Copy !req
788. Come on, faster!Copy !req
789. We can't. Berthold can hardly move.Copy !req
790. Take his weights off.Copy !req
791. - I have!
- What?Copy !req
792. - He's old. He can't run anymore.
- Nonsense!Copy !req
793. He's just out of practice.Copy !req
794. - Come on, Berthold.Copy !req
795. Come on.Copy !req
796. You look for him. Nowhere to run to.Copy !req
797. Nowhere to hide for you, Baron.Copy !req
798. What are you looking at?
Look down there. That's it.Copy !req
799. Come on.Copy !req
800. There he is, Sybil! Down there!Copy !req
801. I got you now, Baron!Copy !req
802. No, wait! No, Sybil, wait!Copy !req
803. Whoa!Copy !req
804. There they are. Oh!Copy !req
805. Are you hungry, my darling?
Are you? Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
806. All right, you take the baron,
you take the bald one,Copy !req
807. and for you, my sweet, the little girl,
because you're my favorite.Copy !req
808. All right. Dinner is served.Copy !req
809. Teamwork, Sybil!Copy !req
810. - You go that way, I'll go this way.
- You're the last of your species!Copy !req
811. - Come on!
- Work with me, girls! Stay together!Copy !req
812. No, girls, don't split up on me now!Copy !req
813. Mayday!Copy !req
814. We're going down! Mayday!Copy !req
815. Sybil, don't desert me now!Copy !req
816. I love you, Sybil!Copy !req
817. I'm free. I'm free at last.
The body is dead.Copy !req
818. The body is dead. Long live the head.
It's finished! Finito! Heh-heh!Copy !req
819. Bye, body. Mmm. Ha-ha!Copy !req
820. I shall prove a head does not
need a body to survive.Copy !req
821. I am omnipotent. Ha-ha!Copy !req
822. Yes. Oh! Oh, no, I got an itch.Copy !req
823. Oh, no. Oh, no.Copy !req
824. Oh! Oh, no. No, no.Copy !req
825. - Well done, Sally, well done.
- Thanks.Copy !req
826. Baron?Copy !req
827. Baron M-Munchausen.Copy !req
828. How great to see you.Copy !req
829. - What are you doing here?
- Get off me.Copy !req
830. I-It's me, Berthold, your old servant.Copy !req
831. - Berthold, remember?
- Yes, yes, we've been through all that.Copy !req
832. Oh. Uh… where are we?Copy !req
833. On the moon.Copy !req
834. Oh, yeah. Same old baron, eh?Copy !req
835. - Can we go now?
- Get weaving.Copy !req
836. Hang on. Hang on.Copy !req
837. It's all coming back.Copy !req
838. I-I've been stuck here for over 20 years.Copy !req
839. Ever since you were last here on the moon.Copy !req
840. You abandoned me here. You swine.Copy !req
841. You toddled off
with that old queen of tartsCopy !req
842. and left me to rot in that parrot cage,
didn't you?Copy !req
843. And now you come back here
just because it suits you,Copy !req
844. after wasting half my life,Copy !req
845. and expect me to follow you
to the ends of the Earth.Copy !req
846. Yes.Copy !req
847. Oh, all right.Copy !req
848. Berthold,Copy !req
849. do you know where
the rest of the gang are?Copy !req
850. Not a clue.Copy !req
851. Oh! Ow.Copy !req
852. Oh…Copy !req
853. This is precisely the sort of thing
that no one ever believes.Copy !req
854. Right, Berthold.Copy !req
855. You go first.Copy !req
856. Then Sally.Copy !req
857. Careful.Copy !req
858. Whoa!Copy !req
859. Off you go.Copy !req
860. That's it.Copy !req
861. Finito.Copy !req
862. There's no more rope.Copy !req
863. - Mind out, I'm coming back up.
- Wait a moment.Copy !req
864. Here.Copy !req
865. Tie this to the end of it.Copy !req
866. Where'd you get this from?Copy !req
867. - I cut it from the top.
- From the top?Copy !req
868. Naturally.
Where else do you think I'd get it from?Copy !req
869. - But —
- Yes, yes, yes.Copy !req
870. Splice it to the end so that
we may continue our descent.Copy !req
871. Oh.Copy !req
872. Very clever. Great.Copy !req
873. Why didn't I think of that?Copy !req
874. That's why he's a baron and I'm a prole.Copy !req
875. We'll never rescue them now!Copy !req
876. Two and a half percent on the basic rate.Copy !req
877. - That's not enough.
- That's what I got to offer!Copy !req
878. … a separate agreement for overtime!Copy !req
879. Six percent!Copy !req
880. Yeah!Copy !req
881. Two and a half percent!
Take it or leave it!Copy !req
882. - Five percent, or no increased production.Copy !req
883. We want more! We want more!Copy !req
884. - We want more! We want more!
- [groaning, coughing]Copy !req
885. I'm still in one piece.Copy !req
886. I think.Copy !req
887. - I can't imagine why.
- Oh.Copy !req
888. Our descent in what I take to be
the volcano of Mount EtnaCopy !req
889. should have been slowed
by a rising cushion of warm air.Copy !req
890. Damn thing seems to have gone out.Copy !req
891. Oh, no. Not more giants.Copy !req
892. Can I help you tiny mortals?Copy !req
893. I — I-I sincerely hope so.Copy !req
894. I'm, uh, Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
895. You may have heard of me.Copy !req
896. My friends and I
are looking for three men.Copy !req
897. One with exceptional eyesight,Copy !req
898. one with superb hearing
and powerful lungs,Copy !req
899. and one who is extremely large and strong.Copy !req
900. Oh, we're all extremely large
and strong here.Copy !req
901. I am Vulcan,Copy !req
902. the god.Copy !req
903. And, uh, these…Copy !req
904. are my giant employees,Copy !req
905. the cyclopes.Copy !req
906. Who even now are going back to work!Copy !req
907. I'm willing to supply arms and equipmentCopy !req
908. to anyone that's prepared
to pay the price.Copy !req
909. Greeks, Trojans, Romans, Huns.Copy !req
910. It's not my fault
that they're crazy enoughCopy !req
911. to slaughter each other, is it?Copy !req
912. You manky crew!Copy !req
913. Your go-slows don't impress me. I'm God!Copy !req
914. I've got all the time in the universe!Copy !req
915. Hear that? All the time, me!Copy !req
916. You know, in the old days,
the staff used to get paid, on the dot,Copy !req
917. every thousand years.Copy !req
918. This lot expect them every century. Hacks.Copy !req
919. Outrageous!Copy !req
920. What's this?Copy !req
921. Oh, this is our prototype.Copy !req
922. RX, uh, intercontinental,Copy !req
923. radar-sneaky,Copy !req
924. multiwarheaded nuclear missile.Copy !req
925. Ah.Copy !req
926. - What does it do?
- Do?Copy !req
927. Kills the enemy.Copy !req
928. - All the enemy?
- Aye, all of them.Copy !req
929. All their wives and all their children
and all their sheep and all their cattleCopy !req
930. and all their cats and dogs.Copy !req
931. All of them. All of them gone for good.Copy !req
932. That's horrible.Copy !req
933. Ah.Copy !req
934. Well, you see,Copy !req
935. the advantage is,Copy !req
936. you don't have to see
one single one of them die.Copy !req
937. You just sit comfortably,Copy !req
938. thousands of miles away
from the battlefield,Copy !req
939. and simply press the button.Copy !req
940. Well, where's the fun in that?Copy !req
941. Oh.Copy !req
942. We cater for all sorts here.Copy !req
943. You'd be surprised.Copy !req
944. Would you care for
a little fodder, perhaps?Copy !req
945. Mmm. Delicious.Copy !req
946. Ah, aye, it's not a bad drop of tea,Copy !req
947. as far as nectar of the gods go,
you'll understand.Copy !req
948. You can all stay for as long as you like.
It's nice to have fresh company for tea.Copy !req
949. Thank you. It'll be a pleasure.Copy !req
950. I'm sorry, but we have to go soon.Copy !req
951. We're in a hurry.Copy !req
952. Oh, here comes
my midget manservantCopy !req
953. with the petits fours.Copy !req
954. - Albrecht.
- Albrecht.Copy !req
955. Baron. Berthold.Copy !req
956. - What are you doing here?
- Looking for you.Copy !req
957. Haven't got the treasure —
Treasure anymore.Copy !req
958. I spent it —
I mean, I gave it all t-to charity.Copy !req
959. I don't want the treasure.Copy !req
960. Albrecht, this is Sally.Copy !req
961. - Sally, Albrecht.
- Hello.Copy !req
962. Hi.Copy !req
963. I want you to come
and help us fight the Turk again.Copy !req
964. Oh, no, I couldn't do that. No.Copy !req
965. Not since I've found myself.
No, no, I really —Copy !req
966. No, I never really wanted
to be big and strongCopy !req
967. and lug heavy things about.Copy !req
968. No, I now know
I want to be dainty and sensitive.Copy !req
969. They call me their midget down here.Copy !req
970. I love it. It's bliss.Copy !req
971. He's gone funny.Copy !req
972. Hello.Copy !req
973. Oh, my darling.Copy !req
974. Oh, my — My dearest. Oh.Copy !req
975. Oh!
Excuse me.Copy !req
976. May I introduce you to Baron MunchausenCopy !req
977. and his, uh, little friend
over there, Sally,Copy !req
978. and, uh… … Berthold.Copy !req
979. Ah. Ah.Copy !req
980. Um, this is, uh, Venus.Copy !req
981. - The goddess.Copy !req
982. My wife.Copy !req
983. Madam,Copy !req
984. I am overwhelmed.Copy !req
985. Oh…Copy !req
986. Oh, my — my love, my life.Copy !req
987. Alpha and the omega of my existence.Copy !req
988. I've got something here for you.Copy !req
989. A diamond.Copy !req
990. For you, my precious.Copy !req
991. You're so sweet.Copy !req
992. Another diamond.Copy !req
993. Madam,Copy !req
994. I am, alas, unable to offer youCopy !req
995. so splendid a gift,Copy !req
996. but allow me to say
that you excel in beautyCopy !req
997. even the magnificent
Catherine the Great of Russia…Copy !req
998. Here we go.Copy !req
999. … whose hand in marriage
I once had the honor of declining.Copy !req
1000. - Baron, you flatter me.
- Not one jot, madam.Copy !req
1001. Not one tittle.Copy !req
1002. What a handsome…Copy !req
1003. mustache.Copy !req
1004. Shall we… dance?Copy !req
1005. Come and see the ballroom.Copy !req
1006. Come and see the ballroom.Copy !req
1007. Nice, isn't it?Copy !req
1008. We've just had it done!Copy !req
1009. Did you know that?Copy !req
1010. Uh…Copy !req
1011. I can dance. Here, watch this.Copy !req
1012. Sally, you can dance, can't you?Copy !req
1013. - No.Copy !req
1014. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
1015. Hey!Copy !req
1016. Stop!Copy !req
1017. Baron!Copy !req
1018. Can we go now?Copy !req
1019. Hello!Copy !req
1020. Hey!Copy !req
1021. Stop it.Copy !req
1022. Come down.Copy !req
1023. We've got to get back.Copy !req
1024. We've got to get back and save the town!Copy !req
1025. Please, Baron.Copy !req
1026. Please?Copy !req
1027. Don't fret.
The town is in no immediate danger.Copy !req
1028. The baron's kissing your wife.Copy !req
1029. - What?Copy !req
1030. I mean… what?Copy !req
1031. - You're a harlot!Copy !req
1032. Whore! Do you hear?Copy !req
1033. Whore, whore, whore!Copy !req
1034. That's enough of that, you strumpet.Copy !req
1035. No, wait, please.Copy !req
1036. - But, darling —
- Don't you "darling" me!Copy !req
1037. Do something. Save him.Copy !req
1038. Darling, don't be jealous!Copy !req
1039. Jealous?Copy !req
1040. - I'm not jealous. I'm —
- I-I-I'm sure I —Copy !req
1041. - Give him back to me!
- Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
1042. Please. Please.Copy !req
1043. You never let me have any friends!Copy !req
1044. I won't have you wiggling at philanderers,
you floozy!Copy !req
1045. - Floozy?
- Sir? Sir, I must assure you —Copy !req
1046. Floozy? I am a goddess!
I can do what I like!Copy !req
1047. And I am the god, so shut up!Copy !req
1048. - Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
- Put him down, you brute!Copy !req
1049. - Ungrateful mortal!
- Please don't. No. Oof!Copy !req
1050. You'll pay for this! Do you hear me?Copy !req
1051. I — I must insist
that the lady is blameless.Copy !req
1052. Please. Please. Please.Copy !req
1053. Please, put the baron down.Copy !req
1054. - Now, let's not be too hasty.
- He's always like that!Copy !req
1055. - No!Copy !req
1056. What have you done to them?Copy !req
1057. You small-minded, petit bourgeois —Copy !req
1058. Shut up, you trollop!Copy !req
1059. What have you done to the baron?Copy !req
1060. You want the baron?Copy !req
1061. You can have the baron.Copy !req
1062. Uh — No, thanks, it's okay.
I don't need him!Copy !req
1063. - Did you enjoy that?Copy !req
1064. Did I… excite you?Copy !req
1065. What? Huh?Copy !req
1066. Oh, damn. I can't swim.Copy !req
1067. What's happening?Copy !req
1068. You've got old again.Copy !req
1069. Well, what do you expect?Copy !req
1070. I've just been expelled
from a state of bliss.Copy !req
1071. And it's all your fault.Copy !req
1072. Where are we?Copy !req
1073. Answer me!Copy !req
1074. The most probable explanation,
if you're not an incurable skeptic,Copy !req
1075. is that we've been dropped
through the center of the worldCopy !req
1076. and come out on the other side,
somewhere in the South Seas.Copy !req
1077. That's miles away.Copy !req
1078. Oh, well done.Copy !req
1079. - I was happy in my volcano.
- So was I.Copy !req
1080. Look! An island!Copy !req
1081. - Is there a volcano on it?
- Oh, shut up about your poxy volcano!Copy !req
1082. I think there… is a volcano on it.Copy !req
1083. It's moving!Copy !req
1084. I spy with my little eye
something beginning with M.Copy !req
1085. It's a demon of the deep!Copy !req
1086. That begins with D, you klutz.Copy !req
1087. It's M, for monster.Copy !req
1088. Will it eat us?Copy !req
1089. With any luck.Copy !req
1090. Baron!Copy !req
1091. Baron?Copy !req
1092. Baron!Copy !req
1093. Quick, give me a hand.Copy !req
1094. He looks dead to me.Copy !req
1095. He can't be dead.Copy !req
1096. Come on, then.Copy !req
1097. Place him over here.Copy !req
1098. He doesn't look very perky, does he?Copy !req
1099. Is there a doctor in the fish?Copy !req
1100. No doctors.Copy !req
1101. - No doctors.Copy !req
1102. We've got to get him warm and dry.Copy !req
1103. - What's that noise?Copy !req
1104. It's… music.Copy !req
1105. That's not music.Copy !req
1106. Look.Copy !req
1107. There's a light.Copy !req
1108. - Come on.Copy !req
1109. This way. Careful.Copy !req
1110. - [person singing, faint]Copy !req
1111. Excuse me. Hello?Copy !req
1112. We need some help.Copy !req
1113. - Excuse me.Copy !req
1114. - We need some help.
- No doctors.Copy !req
1115. No doctors!Copy !req
1116. Do I hear the baron?Copy !req
1117. Eh?Copy !req
1118. Do I hear the baron?Copy !req
1119. No doctors.Copy !req
1120. Do I hear the baron?Copy !req
1121. I just said that.Copy !req
1122. Use your trumpet.Copy !req
1123. Adolphus. Gustavus.Copy !req
1124. Is it really you?Copy !req
1125. Baron. Berthold.Copy !req
1126. - Albrecht!
- The baron!Copy !req
1127. I don't believe it. It's a miracle.Copy !req
1128. Sally, this is Adolphus,Copy !req
1129. who used to be able to hit a bull's-eye
from halfway round the world.Copy !req
1130. And this is Gustavus,Copy !req
1131. who could blow over a whole forest
with just one breath.Copy !req
1132. Those were the days, eh?Copy !req
1133. When we were young and alive.Copy !req
1134. How do you mean?Copy !req
1135. It's no good fighting it.Copy !req
1136. - We're not dead.
- You have to accept it.Copy !req
1137. We're all dead here.Copy !req
1138. This is hell.Copy !req
1139. Heaven.Copy !req
1140. - Hell!
- Heaven!Copy !req
1141. Don't be stupid.Copy !req
1142. Well, sit down, relax. Have a game.Copy !req
1143. You're dead for a very long time.Copy !req
1144. Come on, come on, sit down.Copy !req
1145. Let's have a nice game, eh?Copy !req
1146. What are you doing?Copy !req
1147. You're giving up, aren't you?Copy !req
1148. Well, you can't give up. I won't let you.Copy !req
1149. Go away. Clear off.Copy !req
1150. What about Rose and DaisyCopy !req
1151. and my father and all the others?Copy !req
1152. You promised to help them.Copy !req
1153. They are perfectly safe.Copy !req
1154. They can look after themselves.Copy !req
1155. Besides, there are more important things.Copy !req
1156. Such as?Copy !req
1157. Well…Copy !req
1158. You horrible little brat!Copy !req
1159. Can't you let me die in peace
once in a while?Copy !req
1160. Huh?Copy !req
1161. What the…Copy !req
1162. Ha!Copy !req
1163. Bucephalus.Copy !req
1164. My Bucephalus.Copy !req
1165. He must have heard me shouting.Copy !req
1166. This is a — a good omen, what?Copy !req
1167. Oh — Oh, yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1168. Prepare a rowing boat
and be ready to leave.Copy !req
1169. Come on, boy.Copy !req
1170. I have learned from experienceCopy !req
1171. that a modicum of snuff
can be most efficacious.Copy !req
1172. Ahchoo!Copy !req
1173. I'll never eat fish again.Copy !req
1174. Wh — Where's the baron?Copy !req
1175. Baron?Copy !req
1176. Baron!Copy !req
1177. Baron!Copy !req
1178. Baron?Copy !req
1179. Baron!Copy !req
1180. Baron, where are you?Copy !req
1181. Baron?Copy !req
1182. Huh?Copy !req
1183. Ha! Ha-ha!Copy !req
1184. - It's the baron!
- The baron!Copy !req
1185. Well, come on.Copy !req
1186. I can't keep this up forever.Copy !req
1187. Look! The town!Copy !req
1188. - We're here!Copy !req
1189. - Hey, look!Copy !req
1190. Yes, and the flag's still flying.Copy !req
1191. I told you there was nothing
to worry about.Copy !req
1192. Oh, my God, it's the sultan's army.Copy !req
1193. Quick! Back in the fish!Copy !req
1194. They're inviting us to defeat them.Copy !req
1195. We must oblige them.Copy !req
1196. - On the count of three.Copy !req
1197. Gustavus, blow them back to Asia Minor.Copy !req
1198. Adolphus, find the sultan and shoot him.Copy !req
1199. Albrecht, row for the shore.Copy !req
1200. Berthold, make yourself useful.Copy !req
1201. One, two, three!Copy !req
1202. Couldn't make that four, could you?Copy !req
1203. We're going down! We're going down!Copy !req
1204. Abandon ship!Copy !req
1205. - Abandon ship.Copy !req
1206. I think the ship's abandoning us, mate.Copy !req
1207. Hup! Hup!Copy !req
1208. Come! Come!Copy !req
1209. I still can't swim.Copy !req
1210. - This is absolutely dreadful.
- It's hopeless.Copy !req
1211. I've never before been
in such a disastrous rout.Copy !req
1212. I'm usually on the winning side.Copy !req
1213. If you weren't so competitive,
you wouldn't get so upset.Copy !req
1214. Albrecht's useless.Copy !req
1215. We might as well give up now.Copy !req
1216. You mustn't say that. Not you.Copy !req
1217. Now, if we begin attacking
in two directions simultaneously,Copy !req
1218. we confound surprise with confusion.Copy !req
1219. Albrecht and Gustavus will provide
the major themes as per to the battle,Copy !req
1220. - while Adolphus and Berthold —
- Baron.Copy !req
1221. Don't interrupt.Copy !req
1222. What is it?Copy !req
1223. - This isn't going to work.
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1224. They're all old and tired now.Copy !req
1225. - It isn't like it used to be.Copy !req
1226. Don't you see?Copy !req
1227. Where are you going?Copy !req
1228. - To give myself up.
- What?Copy !req
1229. I gave my word that I would
raise the siege and save the town,Copy !req
1230. and I gathered you all here
for that purpose.Copy !req
1231. If you want to see Baron Munchausen again,Copy !req
1232. you'd better do something about it.Copy !req
1233. You can't give yourself up.Copy !req
1234. They might kill you.Copy !req
1235. And then we'll have spent all that time
in that smelly fish for nothing.Copy !req
1236. Bah.Copy !req
1237. So it's agreed.Copy !req
1238. Friday the 28th, you surrender.Copy !req
1239. - That's three weeks from tomorrow.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
1240. We can fix the details later.Copy !req
1241. No, no, no, no. You surrender.Copy !req
1242. With respect, Sultan,
we've been through all this.Copy !req
1243. You surrender.Copy !req
1244. But we're winning.Copy !req
1245. Uh, we surrendered last time.Copy !req
1246. - So?
- So now it's your turn.Copy !req
1247. Ah.Copy !req
1248. What about the virgins?Copy !req
1249. Please, forget the virgins.Copy !req
1250. We're out of virgins.Copy !req
1251. Let us instead concentrate
on reaching a rational,Copy !req
1252. sensible and civilized agreement,Copy !req
1253. which will guarantee a world
fit for science, progress and —Copy !req
1254. But not Baron Munchausen.Copy !req
1255. Baron!Copy !req
1256. You. You old lunatic.Copy !req
1257. - I'm afraid so.
- Help, guards!Copy !req
1258. Murder! Murder!Copy !req
1259. Who let this man into my tent?Copy !req
1260. Sultan, if you are still interested
in my head,Copy !req
1261. it's yours.Copy !req
1262. I'm tired of it.Copy !req
1263. Send for the executioner!Copy !req
1264. So, Mr. Jackson, still the rational man?Copy !req
1265. How many people have perished
in your logical little war?Copy !req
1266. There are certain rules, sir,
to the proper conduct of living.Copy !req
1267. We cannot fly to the moon.Copy !req
1268. We cannot defy death.Copy !req
1269. We must face the facts.Copy !req
1270. Not the folly of fantasists like you,
who do not live in the real worldCopy !req
1271. and who consequently
come to a very sticky end.Copy !req
1272. Have you any famous last words?Copy !req
1273. Not yet.Copy !req
1274. "Not yet"? Is that famous?Copy !req
1275. The man's a buffoon.Copy !req
1276. Executioner…Copy !req
1277. execute.Copy !req
1278. There you go.Copy !req
1279. Oh…Copy !req
1280. - Now!Copy !req
1281. - Ah!Copy !req
1282. - Aye.Copy !req
1283. - He did it!Copy !req
1284. - Bring him back to me!Copy !req
1285. - General, stop that man!
- Hey!Copy !req
1286. - Ah!Copy !req
1287. I knew we could do it. All together, now.Copy !req
1288. - Steady!Copy !req
1289. Steady.Copy !req
1290. Well blown, Gustavus!Copy !req
1291. - They're coming.
- Go on, go on.Copy !req
1292. Hurry, hurry!Copy !req
1293. Quickly, now!Copy !req
1294. Aha!Copy !req
1295. Come on! Come on!Copy !req
1296. - Oh.Copy !req
1297. Berthold, run.Copy !req
1298. Ugh. Huh?Copy !req
1299. Ow! Ah!Copy !req
1300. Ow!Copy !req
1301. Aah!Copy !req
1302. Damn it, man. Make yourself useful.
I can't do everything.Copy !req
1303. Oh!Copy !req
1304. - This way!
- Oh. Trouble!Copy !req
1305. Aah!Copy !req
1306. That's the way! Bravo!Copy !req
1307. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
1308. - Hey, hey.Copy !req
1309. - Hey.Copy !req
1310. - Ha-ha! Hey!Copy !req
1311. Aah!Copy !req
1312. Watch it!Copy !req
1313. Gently this time.Copy !req
1314. - Gently.Copy !req
1315. Oh, help! Oh!Copy !req
1316. Oh, help!Copy !req
1317. Aha!Copy !req
1318. Hooray! Ha-ha!Copy !req
1319. We did it. We did it!Copy !req
1320. Hooray! Hooray!Copy !req
1321. Look! They don't believe it!Copy !req
1322. We've won! We've won!Copy !req
1323. We beat them! We beat them!Copy !req
1324. Hey-hey!Copy !req
1325. - Yippee! They've gone!Copy !req
1326. Good riddance, and don't come back!Copy !req
1327. - We've won!
- But of course!Copy !req
1328. Sally! Sally!Copy !req
1329. Oh, the joy!Copy !req
1330. Ah!Copy !req
1331. - Happy day!Copy !req
1332. Put me down. Put me down.Copy !req
1333. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
1334. He's up there! In the church tower!Copy !req
1335. - What is it?Copy !req
1336. - There he is!
- Shoot him!Copy !req
1337. Oh, damn.Copy !req
1338. Bring a doctor! Quickly!Copy !req
1339. - Fetch a doctor!
- Sally.Copy !req
1340. Don't leave me, Baron. Please.Copy !req
1341. Don't leave me.Copy !req
1342. - Get off him!
- Yes, yes.Copy !req
1343. Give him some air.Copy !req
1344. Oh, here is the doctor.Copy !req
1345. Oh! Oh, Sally. Sally.Copy !req
1346. - It's all right. It's all right.
- Take care of Sally.Copy !req
1347. No doctors.Copy !req
1348. No doctors.Copy !req
1349. No! No!Copy !req
1350. - Get away!
- Stop!Copy !req
1351. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1352. Sally!Copy !req
1353. - No!
- Sally, please — Sally's having a fit!Copy !req
1354. Get away! Get away!Copy !req
1355. Leave him alone!Copy !req
1356. Stop it.Copy !req
1357. Please!Copy !req
1358. He's dead.Copy !req
1359. And that was
only one of the many occasionsCopy !req
1360. on which I met my death,Copy !req
1361. an experience which I don't
hesitate strongly to recommend.Copy !req
1362. And so, with the help
of my inestimable servants,Copy !req
1363. I defeated the Turks and saved the day.Copy !req
1364. And from that time forth,Copy !req
1365. everyone, uh, who had a talent for itCopy !req
1366. lived happily ever after.Copy !req
1367. Ah!Copy !req
1368. Stop this nonsense at once!Copy !req
1369. You, sir, are under arrestCopy !req
1370. for spreading ridiculous tales
at a time of great dangerCopy !req
1371. when the enemy is at the gate.Copy !req
1372. - Arrest him.Copy !req
1373. Open the gates.Copy !req
1374. Hey.Copy !req
1375. I order you to arrest that man at once.Copy !req
1376. Am I or am I not
the elected representative?Copy !req
1377. - Arrest him!
- Open the gates!Copy !req
1378. This way!Copy !req
1379. Come on!Copy !req
1380. - Do not open the gate!Copy !req
1381. The Turk is outside,
and we are not about to surrender.Copy !req
1382. Open the gates!Copy !req
1383. Open the gates!Copy !req
1384. Come on, dear ladies!Copy !req
1385. Forward the players!Copy !req
1386. Do not open the gate!Copy !req
1387. Full on, mates. Move along.
Keep up. Steady as you go.Copy !req
1388. Come back! I'm warning you!
Do not open those gates!Copy !req
1389. This way!Copy !req
1390. Anyone who opens those gates
is guilty of treason!Copy !req
1391. - Follow me!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1392. This way, my friends!Copy !req
1393. Stop!Copy !req
1394. The gates will remain closed!Copy !req
1395. Open the gates.Copy !req
1396. Open the gates!Copy !req
1397. Shoot anyone who disobeys my orders.Copy !req
1398. - Ready! Take aim!Copy !req
1399. Hold your ground. Hold your ground.Copy !req
1400. Open the gates, dear friends,
and then seize the day.Copy !req
1401. N-No!Copy !req
1402. Or close our minds up
with inventions, death and fear.Copy !req
1403. There's nothing so destroys a man
as ignorant dullness and conformity.Copy !req
1404. Grasp for the mantle. Grasp the —Copy !req
1405. No, no, no. Quite wrong.Copy !req
1406. Open the gates!Copy !req
1407. - Shoot them!Copy !req
1408. Have I not made myself clear?Copy !req
1409. Shoot these people at once!Copy !req
1410. Aye, so… it's treason, is it?Copy !req
1411. Treason!Copy !req
1412. Right! You're all under arrest!Copy !req
1413. All of you!Copy !req
1414. - Get inside —Copy !req
1415. Get inside my office now!Copy !req
1416. Baron!Copy !req
1417. Bucephalus. My Bucephalus.Copy !req
1418. Good boy, good boy.Copy !req
1419. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
1420. Beautiful ladies.Copy !req
1421. Beautiful ladies.Copy !req
1422. It wasn't just a story, was it?Copy !req