1. I want you so bad!Copy !req
2. Oh, man!Copy !req
3. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
4. Pretty awesome, huh?Copy !req
5. Oh, my God!Copy !req
6. - Wait! What's the matter?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
7. Is it my split ends?
I can corn-row it!Copy !req
8. Corn-row it! Corn-row it!Copy !req
9. Listen, these bitches specifically
asked us to get them alcohol.Copy !req
10. I mean, it's a no-brainer.Copy !req
11. We bring booze to the party and we're
getting laid by the hottest chicks in school.Copy !req
12. They're D.T.F.- down to fuck!Copy !req
13. Mmm! Andy, nice touch
with that sour cream, man.Copy !req
14. I didn't use sour cream.Copy !req
15. Trust me, you will have your D. I.H.E.-
dick in her ear-Copy !req
16. T. I.H.A.- toe in her ass-
and my B.O.Y.C.-Copy !req
17. balls on your chin.Copy !req
18. That just sounds horrible, Jonah.Copy !req
19. What? Are you saying you would just
rather have my balls on your chin?Copy !req
20. - What are you doing, man?
- Nothing. Hair in your eye. Look, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
21. What's important here is that we
find someone who can get us alcohol...Copy !req
22. so we can get some "P" in the motherfuckin'
va-"G" before our 18th birthday.Copy !req
23. Hey.Copy !req
24. Chicka-chicka-yeah!Copy !req
25. Look what I picked up
last night! Huh?Copy !req
26. - "McAnalovin"?
- Yeah.Copy !req
27. - One frickin' name? For realsies?
- What the hell is that?Copy !req
28. - It's a great I.D.
- It's fuckin' awesome, man!Copy !req
29. - Could you get me one?
- Yeah, I can hook you up.Copy !req
30. - Nice.
- 'Cause I am McAnalovin.Copy !req
31. Yeshiva class of 2010!Copy !req
32. Chicka-chicka-yeah!
Fake I.D.! Fake I.D.!Copy !req
33. Keep it down, bitches!Copy !req
34. Look, normally I wouldn't give a shit...Copy !req
35. but my cousin said that there's some
serious side effects with this herb.Copy !req
36. I mean serious.Copy !req
37. What's wrong with you?
You're such a pussy.Copy !req
38. It'll be the best shit
you've ever smoked.Copy !req
39. They're just telling you it's got side effects
so they can keep it all for themselves.Copy !req
40. All right, then you smoke some.Copy !req
41. Not interested.
I'm on a diet.Copy !req
42. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
43. You smoke this shit for one week straight,
and I'll pay your rent for six months.Copy !req
44. - Serious?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
45. - You're on, bee-yatch!
- You know how I know you're gay?Copy !req
46. - How?
- Uh, you just called me "bee-yatch. "Copy !req
47. - You know how I know you're gay?
- How?Copy !req
48. - You have a dildo stuck in your ass.
- What?Copy !req
49. Yeah. Check it out.Copy !req
50. Oh, there you are, Fernando.Copy !req
51. Hey, this smells like curry.Copy !req
52. Check one. Check two.Copy !req
53. Ohh! Oh, my God, this microphone
smells like Jimmy's balls!Copy !req
54. - Hey, Manuel.
- No, that's mean.Copy !req
55. Excuse me. I so badly
want to do stand-up comedy.Copy !req
56. I'd do anything for somebody
to teach me how.Copy !req
57. You know, I'm actually probably
not the person to ask...Copy !req
58. 'cause I'm not very seasoned.Copy !req
59. But there are several comics here
that you could ask.Copy !req
60. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
61. There are a number of people here
who could actually help you.Copy !req
62. Excuse me for a minute, young lady.Copy !req
63. Then she got pregnant. Um-Copy !req
64. - Biscuit, what the hell's the matter with you?
- What?Copy !req
65. She wants your ass, and you're
standing there with your dick in your hand!Copy !req
66. Give me a break. She doesn't want me.
That's just stupid.Copy !req
67. Come on, Biscuit.
Trust me!Copy !req
68. Take it from a man
who's been around.Copy !req
69. I may have
the Benjamin Button disease...Copy !req
70. but I've had experience with women
since childbirth.Copy !req
71. Three days ago- bam!Copy !req
72. Okay, thank you very much for sharing,
but believe me, she doesn't want me.Copy !req
73. Okay?Copy !req
74. You are a lost cause, my brother.Copy !req
75. Well, Blaqguy,
I'm not like you. Okay?Copy !req
76. I'm not some wizard at reading women.
I don't know how to do this.Copy !req
77. At least you're normal.Copy !req
78. I'm a 25-year-old
in an 85-year-old body.Copy !req
79. Do you know
what that shit's like? Huh?Copy !req
80. This time last year I was in love...Copy !req
81. with the best fart my gay uncle laid.Copy !req
82. Oh, dude, last night
I was fuckin' this chick.Copy !req
83. We were in the middle of fucking, and I-Copy !req
84. And we're getting all sweaty...Copy !req
85. and then I realize
it's not sweat- it's pee.Copy !req
86. This bitch peed all over me!Copy !req
87. I know that laugh.
That's a virgin's laugh.Copy !req
88. What? What are you talking about?Copy !req
89. It all makes sense now!Copy !req
90. - Andy's a virgin!
- You're a fucking virgin?Copy !req
91. No, I'm not!Copy !req
92. My man is not a virgin!
It's impossible!Copy !req
93. Oh, yeah? Well, then why
is he wearing this shirt?Copy !req
94. That's a joke!
It's just a joke, a stupid shirt.Copy !req
95. That's all!Copy !req
96. I'm not a-Copy !req
97. They're just shirts!
I'm not a virgin!Copy !req
98. Then what is this shit, my friend?Copy !req
99. Oh, let's beat
his fuckin' virgin ass!Copy !req
100. We should have sex with your ass!Copy !req
101. Guys, come on, calm down.
Give him a break, all right? It's Andy.Copy !req
102. You gotta get a set of nuts, bro.Copy !req
103. You gotta get out there
and experience life.Copy !req
104. Be aggressive.
Do what you want with them.Copy !req
105. If they say, "No, stop, not in there,
you're hurting me"...Copy !req
106. you do it anyway.Copy !req
107. No means yes.Copy !req
108. How does anyone
stay a fucking virgin all these years?Copy !req
109. I mean, there are shaved middle-schoolers
having sex on the Internet right now.Copy !req
110. What the fuck?Copy !req
111. Uh, not- not that I know that
from... experience.Copy !req
112. I mean, that's what I heard...Copy !req
113. from people that... I met...Copy !req
114. on the Internet.Copy !req
115. Uh-Copy !req
116. I'm the Green Hornet.Copy !req
117. Yeah.Copy !req
118. I just don't get it, Biscuit.Copy !req
119. How in the hell could you go 40 years
and not have sex?Copy !req
120. I don't know.
I just kinda stopped trying.Copy !req
121. That's okay, man. That's what
Simonizing your disco stick is for.Copy !req
122. - What?
- You know. Buttering your peppercorn.Copy !req
123. Skinnin' your smoke wagon.Copy !req
124. Fillin' the sock with
something other than your foot.Copy !req
125. Oh. Okay.
You mean masturbation.Copy !req
126. I don't know what all that shit means, man.
I'm talkin' 'bout whackin' off.Copy !req
127. - Yeah, well, I've never done that.
- You what?Copy !req
128. You've never busted a nut?Copy !req
129. So you got 40 years of creamer
all built up in there?Copy !req
130. - Yeah.
- Damn!Copy !req
131. I know. And the worst part is,
I just feel so left out.Copy !req
132. I feel like everybody's
having sex but me.Copy !req
133. Ah, no pressure, Biscuit.
Not everybody's sexin' it up.Copy !req
134. Oh, yeah?
What do you call that?Copy !req
135. I say sex is not sex
without penetration.Copy !req
136. Oh, my God.
What is that?Copy !req
137. My hip!Copy !req
138. Damn!
That's some nasty shit, Ma!Copy !req
139. Sweet mother of Mary.Copy !req
140. Me likey.Copy !req
141. Me likey a lot!Copy !req
142. Walk slower.Copy !req
143. Damn! God!
She was so pretty.Copy !req
144. Oh.
See, that's just my luck, Blaqguy.Copy !req
145. Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Look, look, look, man!Copy !req
146. She's okay!Copy !req
147. That's all you, dog!Copy !req
148. No! Damn it! Those gangs!Copy !req
149. Maybe not.Copy !req
150. Wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
151. She's so resilient.
She's so full of... verve and vigor.Copy !req
152. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
153. Oh, no!Copy !req
154. - Man!
- Those guys are such assholes!Copy !req
155. Damn, Biscuit, you do
have some bad sex karma.Copy !req
156. We gon' have to change your whole vibe,
startin' with that fur carpet.Copy !req
157. All right, just ask yourself,
what's your "why factor"?Copy !req
158. - My "why factor"? - Yeah, you
valet attendant-looking motherfucker!Copy !req
159. Why are you buying alcohol illegally?Copy !req
160. Because you get some pussy
in exchange for it.Copy !req
161. - Is this really what this is all about?
- Of course!Copy !req
162. - That is, unless-
- What are you doing, man?Copy !req
163. Nothing. Just a little mustard
on your face.Copy !req
164. Look, guys, we get alcohol,
we'll be sac-deep by midnight.Copy !req
165. So, McAnalovin, get your fuckin' ass
in there and get us our "why factor. "Copy !req
166. - Give me that fuckin' vest, you faggot!
- The vest?Copy !req
167. Yeah, take it off, dickhead.
Looks like you're parking cars at Morton's.Copy !req
168. Makes me look older,
you fucking gay Garth Brooks!Copy !req
169. I'm gonna fucking kill you! Give me that
fucking vest and get the fuck in there!Copy !req
170. Fuckin' hate him.Copy !req
171. - It'll be fine.
- Better fucking work.Copy !req
172. - It'll work. It's fine.
- Fucking asshole.Copy !req
173. So many things-Copy !req
174. Oh, my God.Copy !req
175. Mmm. Okay.Copy !req
176. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
177. Good!Copy !req
178. Okay, don't draw attention
to yourself.Copy !req
179. Oh!Copy !req
180. Okay-Copy !req
181. Oh, shit!Copy !req
182. Under age! Go!
Go home to your mother! Go!Copy !req
183. Next, next. I.D. I.D.!Copy !req
184. Come on!Copy !req
185. Ah! Out of state.Copy !req
186. No good here. Next!Copy !req
187. Come on, come on, come on!Copy !req
188. I.D.Copy !req
189. That's very flattering, young man...Copy !req
190. but I was born in the year 1930.Copy !req
191. Yes, I can see that you are old
by your leathery hands...Copy !req
192. - and your breasts that sag to your "WUPA."
- What's a "WUPA"?Copy !req
193. Wrinkled Upper-Pussy Area.Copy !req
194. No I.D., no alcohol.Copy !req
195. Next!Copy !req
196. These crazy motherfuckers.Copy !req
197. I'm going on break.Copy !req
198. I.D.Copy !req
199. Let's go.
This isn't vacation.Copy !req
200. McAnalovin.Copy !req
201. What kind of bitch-ass name
is this?Copy !req
202. - H-How'd you read it?
- Show me your nipples!Copy !req
203. - What?
- Nipples.Copy !req
204. Bitch tits. Little pinks.
Lemme see 'em.Copy !req
205. - My nipples?
- Yes. Please. Do I s-s-stutter?Copy !req
206. Huh? Eh?Copy !req
207. - All right. Supple and taut.
- Ow!Copy !req
208. I'd say 15, maybe 16 at the most.Copy !req
209. What?
No way! That's crazy!Copy !req
210. Don't fuck with me.Copy !req
211. Damn, Biscuit!
What are you wearing, a fur coat, dog?Copy !req
212. Oh, no. My-Copy !req
213. My father's from the Balkans.
They're hairy.Copy !req
214. Don't waste your high on that weak shit, bro.
Your cousin's shit is the bomb.Copy !req
215. Really?
You don't feel any side effects?Copy !req
216. Not a one, my friend.
I told you that was pure bullshit.Copy !req
217. You realize you have tits, right?Copy !req
218. Yee! New experience.Copy !req
219. - Hyah!
- Chinese bitch!Copy !req
220. Indian girl. Jew. Black.Copy !req
221. Okay, but you're
one hairy motherfucker!Copy !req
222. Even your hair is growing hair.Copy !req
223. Yeah, I need to use
the extra-sticky flak jacket. Okay?Copy !req
224. You ready?Copy !req
225. This seems like a lot of glue.
Is this gonna hurt?Copy !req
226. She's a professional.
It's not gonna hurt, right?Copy !req
227. Yes, of course it's going to hurt,
you stupid idiot.Copy !req
228. - Oh, God.
- You be a man, okay? Don't be a pussy.Copy !req
229. Okay? You ready?
A- one, a-two!Copy !req
230. - Get set!
- No, no, please!Copy !req
231. It doesn't... hurt that much.Copy !req
232. Dude, if those are your nipples,
I'm gonna pass out.Copy !req
233. Of course they his nipple! What you think?Copy !req
234. Look. They all on the wall.
I got a collection over there. You see?Copy !req
235. Shit.Copy !req
236. Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy!Copy !req
237. - How does it make me a pussy if I'm not gay?
- Domo arigato, bitches!Copy !req
238. I really appreciate you guys
giving me a lift and everything...Copy !req
239. but I think I can walk from here.Copy !req
240. Man, it's the least we could do, considering
what Helen Keller did to your ass back there.Copy !req
241. Yeah, that was totally
uncalled for, I know.Copy !req
242. "McAnalovin"?Copy !req
243. What the fuck type of name is that?Copy !req
244. Irish... gay... porn?Copy !req
245. How y'all expect to get anywhere looking
like that? We need to take you shopping.Copy !req
246. Get you some thangs,
some clothes, some style.Copy !req
247. - Alcohol, maybe?
- Absolutely. And how do you get that?Copy !req
248. - My I.D.?
- No, motherfucker. Money!Copy !req
249. - All right? Now, how you get money?
- Uh, work?Copy !req
250. - That's crazy talk, son.
- That shit is crazy, dog.Copy !req
251. That's what's wrong
with the young people, Yo Ass.Copy !req
252. - They all wanna do homework and be responsible.
- Hey!Copy !req
253. - Oh, my-
- They all wanna grow up-Copy !req
254. Whatever happened to
droppin'out of high school...Copy !req
255. get a bitch pregnant,
start a music career?Copy !req
256. Preach, nigga, preach!Copy !req
257. Hey.Copy !req
258. Well, McAnalovin...Copy !req
259. this is America and we 'bout to
bring things back to the good old days.Copy !req
260. Beat and Yo Ass about to get you some money
the old-fashioned way, homeboy.Copy !req
261. - What?
- We gon' steal it.Copy !req
262. Hold on, white boy.Copy !req
263. Ah, yeah!Copy !req
264. Is that a life meter?Copy !req
265. Yep, and it's green.
When it turns red, your ass is dead.Copy !req
266. Put this shit on.Copy !req
267. We fixin' to go G.T.A. up in this bitch.Copy !req
268. - Whoo!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
269. - Oh.
- Let's go shoppin'.Copy !req
270. Fascists!Copy !req
271. Hey, what-Copy !req
272. What? Huh?Copy !req
273. Asshole!Copy !req
274. Hey, my man!
Oranges!Copy !req
275. Naranjas.
Dos dólares.Copy !req
276. - What'd you just do?
- Oh, no, he didn't!Copy !req
277. What? I got
the cash money, dude!Copy !req
278. - Did you just rob a Mexican? Are you kidding me?
- What?Copy !req
279. Do you know what happens
when you rob a Mexican in this game?Copy !req
280. Dog, when you rob a white guy,
you get the money.Copy !req
281. When you rob a black guy, he'll chase
after your ass the whole dang game.Copy !req
282. But if you rob a Mexican, dog, you get the
entire Latin community after your dumb ass!Copy !req
283. Every ese, muchacho, nino,
Menudo, Santana and Rob Thomas...Copy !req
284. the motherfuckers from the catering truck,
they gon' all try to kill us!Copy !req
285. Bring your ass over here!Copy !req
286. Go, go, go, go, go!Copy !req
287. We gon' find your ass
a woman today.Copy !req
288. Ow! Careful. I'm sore.Copy !req
289. How do they look?Copy !req
290. You look like Hannibal Nipples.Copy !req
291. - Right this way.
- Got 'im.Copy !req
292. - You should like swimming
and apple picking and-Copy !req
293. I like a really large man, but he's gotta
shoot blanks. You know what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
294. - Bla-
- Mommy, I'm thirsty!Copy !req
295. Hey! Mommy's trying to get
some penis right now. Suck it up.Copy !req
296. I love my kids.Copy !req
297. We'll keep it simple.Copy !req
298. He'll toss your salad
while I give you the reach-around.Copy !req
299. Okay?Copy !req
300. No, I'm-Copy !req
301. So, yeah, I like sitting in saunas...Copy !req
302. being in bathhouses,
playing racquetball.Copy !req
303. I like, uh...Copy !req
304. camping, pitching tents-Copy !req
305. - She's not the one.
- What?Copy !req
306. She's a knockout.
What are you talking about?Copy !req
307. Tall, big head, masculine jaw.Copy !req
308. - Something's not right.
- What's not right?Copy !req
309. - Motherfucker, look at her hands.
- What's wrong with her hands?Copy !req
310. I'm pretty picky.
You know?Copy !req
311. - That ruins everything.
- Mmm.Copy !req
312. You ain't tasted Mexican
until you taste this shit, white boy.Copy !req
313. Shit's the bomb, dog.Copy !req
314. - Ahh. There we go.
- Yeah!Copy !req
315. - Why is there an "F" in the window?
- "F"?Copy !req
316. - Man, that's a "B."
- Stupid motherfucker.Copy !req
317. You think I would take you
somewhere if it was an "F"?Copy !req
318. We got three ass-piss burritos,
one crap splatter enchilada-Copy !req
319. - That's mine. That's mine.
- We got it all!Copy !req
320. ¡Gracias, hombre!Copy !req
321. Oh, shit.Copy !req
322. - I told you this was gonna happen! Look!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
323. - Here come the gangbangers!
- There they are! Hey!Copy !req
324. Has anybody
been to the zoo lately?Copy !req
325. I went to the zoo
and, uh, I w-w-Copy !req
326. walked up to
the penguin cage...Copy !req
327. and, um, I was, like, I wonder if the other
animals are looking at them going...Copy !req
328. "God, I'm glad I'm me. "Copy !req
329. Because they, uh, you know-Copy !req
330. It's like, I wonder what I did in my past life
to be reborn a legless, flightless bird...Copy !req
331. in the middle of the North Pole-Copy !req
332. South Pole.
Sorry. Um-Copy !req
333. Close!Copy !req
334. - Uh-
- Nobody cares, buddy.Copy !req
335. Now, ladies and gentlemen,
I will attempt to make comedy applesauce.Copy !req
336. I'm sorry if I hit you.Copy !req
337. Thank you very much.
You've been a great audience.Copy !req
338. You suck!Copy !req
339. Hey, give it up for Andy, huh?Copy !req
340. He was great!Copy !req
341. - Hey there.
- Hi.Copy !req
342. Oh! Hi! You're from the other night,
crossing the street!Copy !req
343. - Yeah, that would be me.
- How are you? How's your neck?Copy !req
344. - It's fine.
- Yeah? Bludgeoned head?Copy !req
345. - Better.
- Stab wounds?Copy !req
346. - Healing.
- And that mangled leg?Copy !req
347. Actually, it's better than before.
I can do this now.Copy !req
348. Oh! Oh, I'm- I'm sorry.Copy !req
349. I know it's not a good color match.
They only had white or black.Copy !req
350. I chose white.
Does that make me racist?Copy !req
351. - No, absolutely-
- Thanks!Copy !req
352. - You were really funny up there.
- Oh, please.Copy !req
353. - You were hilarious. I was laughing on the inside.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
354. Okay, well, I just-
Good job!Copy !req
355. - Do you wanna go out sometime?
- I'd love to. Tonight?Copy !req
356. Tonight? Yeah.Copy !req
357. - Sure. Absolutely.
- Great. Maybe we'll have some sex after.Copy !req
358. Excuse me?Copy !req
359. What?Copy !req
360. I mean- What- What-
You said- What did you-Copy !req
361. - I didn't say anything.
- Okay.Copy !req
362. So send me your e-mail address. I can
tell you where I live and you can pick me up.Copy !req
363. Maybe you should text me, then I'll
call you and you can text me your address.Copy !req
364. Is there an app for that? If not, why don't I
just Twitter you my Facebook page...Copy !req
365. and then you can wall-to-wall me your number,
I'll call and leave my address on your voice mail.Copy !req
366. It might be better if I I. M. you my MySpace
page, then you can leave me your address there...Copy !req
367. I'll blog my cell phone on it, you can call me
when I give you my T-Mobile rollover minutes...Copy !req
368. put you on my fave five- that way
you can give it to me live over the phone.Copy !req
369. - You'd put me in your fave five?
- Oh, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
370. Oh, excuse me one second.Copy !req
371. - Oh, yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
372. Hello?
Oh, hi.Copy !req
373. Yes. Yes, I am. Of course.
That's great news. Yeah, I will.Copy !req
374. Thank you!
Okay, bye.Copy !req
375. I applied for this job in Hawaii six months ago,
and I just found out I got it!Copy !req
376. - Oh, my God! That's great!
- I'm so excited!Copy !req
377. - But I have to leave tonight.
- Tonight?Copy !req
378. - Yeah.
- Oh. Okay.Copy !req
379. - I'm sorry about dinner and sex.
- Listen, work is work.Copy !req
380. Thank you for understanding.Copy !req
381. Yeah, sure.
No problem.Copy !req
382. - Oh! Okay.
- Congratulations. That's great.Copy !req
383. - Okay, bye! Give me a hug.
- Okay.Copy !req
384. Um, oh, my God.
You forgot your, um, leg.Copy !req
385. How do you not have an address?Copy !req
386. This is your freakin' contact.Copy !req
387. Stop riding me. That dipshit fucked me up
with the whole getting arrested thing.Copy !req
388. We'll find it. No worries.Copy !req
389. Wait!Copy !req
390. What the hell is that?Copy !req
391. Sounds like "La Cucaracha. "Copy !req
392. - Holy fucking shit!
- Let's get the fuck outta here!Copy !req
393. Oh, shit!
Rob Thomas?Copy !req
394. - Get in the car.
- What?Copy !req
395. Get in the car!Copy !req
396. Okay.Copy !req
397. This shit happens
all the time, man!Copy !req
398. Girls just be doin'that shit,
and it's fucked up!Copy !req
399. Oh, yeah, dude.
That shit doesn't even matter. All right?Copy !req
400. 'Cause tonight you're gonna fuckin'
lay down the hammer, fucker.Copy !req
401. I don't know what that means
and it's not helpful.Copy !req
402. I just wanna meet somebody for once
who's down to earth and a normal person.Copy !req
403. What they have is special.Copy !req
404. Can I call you Noah?Copy !req
405. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
406. You're turning into
a real, certified bitch!Copy !req
407. Now you cryin'
over The Notebook?Copy !req
408. Got these things right here.Copy !req
409. - Ow.
- These... tits.Copy !req
410. Damn, those feel kinda-
those feel kinda good.Copy !req
411. Okay, you know what?
You guys are disgusting.Copy !req
412. I'm going to get a Shirley Temple.Copy !req
413. - Hi!
- You're cute.Copy !req
414. - What's your name?
- I'm Andy. Hi.Copy !req
415. Well, Andy, every Thursday night my sister and
I pick someone from the bar to have sex with.Copy !req
416. And tonight we choose you!Copy !req
417. Congratulations!Copy !req
418. - You like a ménage à trois, Andy?
- Five or six times a night?Copy !req
419. How about double Dutch expressways?
You enjoy those?Copy !req
420. - Jelly doughnut?
- Ukrainian popcorn?Copy !req
421. Mouth fucking?Copy !req
422. Would you excuse me a second,
or a moment, if you don't mind?Copy !req
423. Think about it!Copy !req
424. Um, excuse me.Copy !req
425. Excuse me?Copy !req
426. Excuse me.Copy !req
427. Why can't I be the center of attention?Copy !req
428. He once had sex
with a 345-pound woman...Copy !req
429. just to help her
get some exercise.Copy !req
430. His craps smell like
a 40-day aged bone-in rib eye.Copy !req
431. He's so secure
with his masculinity...Copy !req
432. that he doesn't mind
urinal peekers.Copy !req
433. He is the most interesting man
in the world.Copy !req
434. I don't always fuck fat bitches...Copy !req
435. but when I do I prefer
to be plastered on-Copy !req
436. Stay thirsty, my friends.Copy !req
437. Can I help you?
Hey.Copy !req
438. - Can I help you?
- Huh?Copy !req
439. - To drink. What do you want to drink?
- Sorry.Copy !req
440. May I have a Shirley Temple, please?Copy !req
441. That's my favorite drink.Copy !req
442. Mine too.Copy !req
443. This is fate.Copy !req
444. I think so.
I'm Sarah.Copy !req
445. Oh! Sorry.
I'm Andy.Copy !req
446. Sorry.Copy !req
447. - That was-
- Cute?Copy !req
448. Yeah. Loud.Copy !req
449. So, MTZ, the paparazzi show?Copy !req
450. Yeah, I've been working there for two years
and just got my promotion today.Copy !req
451. - That's so cool. Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you!Copy !req
452. - I'm so excited!
- That's really neat.Copy !req
453. Hey-hey-hey!
Compliments of the boys!Copy !req
454. You know, actually,
I don't drink.Copy !req
455. I sipped some wine once,
but that was it.Copy !req
456. - Oh, that's fine.
- No.Copy !req
457. Come on, girl.
One shot ain't gonna hurt you.Copy !req
458. I will if you do.Copy !req
459. - Okay!
- Okay. Cheers.Copy !req
460. Oh! That was horrible.Copy !req
461. Oh! My bad, girl. That was my
genetic sample. Here, try this one.Copy !req
462. I'm not sure if I liked that one.
Can I try another one?Copy !req
463. Um, you kn- you know what?Copy !req
464. That's a lot of booze...
to have... quickly.Copy !req
465. Whoo!Copy !req
466. Sarah! Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!Copy !req
467. Yeah!Copy !req
468. Um, do you think that you should be driving?Copy !req
469. Oh, I can't help it.Copy !req
470. - My vagina has a mind of its own.
- Oh.Copy !req
471. Oh, my God.
Okay, yep. That's weird.Copy !req
472. I like you, Andy.Copy !req
473. - I like you too.
- I like you a lot.Copy !req
474. Okay, we should maybe-
Let's-Copy !req
475. Okay, no, that's, um-
We have to get you some-Copy !req
476. Oh, that could have
done the trick.Copy !req
477. - I'm gonna go down on you now. Okay?
- What? I don't think that's-Copy !req
478. Oh, God, no! Please!Copy !req
479. Oh, my God,
that's so warm.Copy !req
480. Oh, my God,
I am, like, so sorry-Copy !req
481. No! No! No, please!Copy !req
482. Andy! Andy!Copy !req
483. Aah! Aah!
I'm right here!Copy !req
484. - I'm here!
- Oh, God. Thank goodness.Copy !req
485. I thought that I lost you.Copy !req
486. Can you stop throwing up, please?
I'm not a very strong swimmer.Copy !req
487. I think that I'm done.Copy !req
488. Oh, I just peed.
It's so warm.Copy !req
489. Oh, my God.
Do you want to come in?Copy !req
490. - Oh, I'd like that.
- Okay.Copy !req
491. Everyone, meet Michael.Copy !req
492. We're glad you're here,
Michael.Copy !req
493. We need an umpire.Copy !req
494. What am I gonna be
an umpire for?Copy !req
495. - Edward, you didn't tell him?
- I was getting to that.Copy !req
496. Let's just say it's something
we can only play during thunderstorms.Copy !req
497. Okay.Copy !req
498. What is it?Copy !req
499. We're all lactose intolerant.Copy !req
500. Sorry.Copy !req
501. - Hey there.
- Holy shit! You scared me.Copy !req
502. My apologies.
Are you okay?Copy !req
503. I'm sorry. I was being chased
by a bunch of Mexicans for no reason.Copy !req
504. All I'm trying to do is get some alcohol so I
can have sex with the hottest chick in school.Copy !req
505. I think I can help you out.Copy !req
506. - Really?
- Yeah. You see that house over there?Copy !req
507. They're practically
giving away free booze!Copy !req
508. - Just ask for Lisa.
- Seriously?Copy !req
509. If I'm Iyin', I'm dyin'.Copy !req
510. Here, take this bag.Copy !req
511. Never want to go to a party
empty-handed.Copy !req
512. Cookies?
And condoms?Copy !req
513. You can never have enough
of either, right?Copy !req
514. - Agreed.
- Now go get your alcohol.Copy !req
515. Thanks, man.
You're an awesome dude.Copy !req
516. Yes, I am.Copy !req
517. Yes, I am.Copy !req
518. Hello?Copy !req
519. Is anyone home?Copy !req
520. Come on in. I made you a drink.Copy !req
521. Just help yourself.Copy !req
522. Cool! Thanks!Copy !req
523. - Sweet!
- Hey there.Copy !req
524. Oh. Hey, bro.Copy !req
525. Dude, aren't you that guy from the show
that catches the molesters?Copy !req
526. - That would be me.
- That show's so fuckin'awesome!Copy !req
527. You're great on that!Copy !req
528. Remember that one with the priest and
he was trying to weasel his way out of it...Copy !req
529. but you ended up nailing him with
the e-mails from the underage girls.Copy !req
530. Once he hightailed it and hit the front yard,
he got hit by Shawne Merriman-looking cops.Copy !req
531. - I do.
- That was so fuckin' awesome!Copy !req
532. What are you doing here?
Is this your house?Copy !req
533. Uh, no. I'm actually
taping the show.Copy !req
534. Really? Here?
That's awesome. Can I watch?Copy !req
535. - It looks like you already are.
- What?Copy !req
536. What's in the bag?Copy !req
537. What? Just the stuff you gave me.
Just... cookies and condoms.Copy !req
538. - I didn't give you anything.
- Huh?Copy !req
539. What did you think was gonna happen
by coming over here tonight?Copy !req
540. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm not a molester.Copy !req
541. The only reason I'm here is because
you told me there'd be alcohol here.Copy !req
542. - You said to ask for Lisa!
- Really?Copy !req
543. So you had no intention of having sex
with an underage minor.Copy !req
544. Wha- No! I-I-I don't know
what you're talking about!Copy !req
545. So you don't remember saying this?Copy !req
546. What? Cor- No! I'm allergic to
chocolate chips, for Christ's sakes!Copy !req
547. And I don't even like
real maple syrup.Copy !req
548. I don't know what's going on.Copy !req
549. - You could make things easier if you'd just tell us the truth.
- I am telling the truth.Copy !req
550. I don't know who this girl is.Copy !req
551. I'm just trying to get alcohol so I can
have sex with the hottest girl in school.Copy !req
552. - Really?
- That's all!Copy !req
553. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
554. Hold on. Wait.
I wanna talk to you. Sir?Copy !req
555. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
556. I'm not a molester,
you fucking dickhead!Copy !req
557. Here we go.Copy !req
558. - Mm-hmm. ♪
- Get a little of this debris...Copy !req
559. off your face.Copy !req
560. Why are you being
so nice to me? Hmm?Copy !req
561. I don't know.
I guess 'cause you're letting me.Copy !req
562. Okay. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
563. - You gotta drink some of that.
- Oh, I want you.Copy !req
564. Not working.
Ahh!Copy !req
565. Ahh. Ohh.Copy !req
566. Aaah!Copy !req
567. Yeah, that's it.
Let that sit on your tongue for a second.Copy !req
568. That's just an antibacterial.
Okay.Copy !req
569. I'm gonna slip into
something more comfortable.Copy !req
570. - Okay? I'll meet you in the bedroom.
- Okay.Copy !req
571. Okay.Copy !req
572. Ohh! No!Copy !req
573. No! Oh, my God.Copy !req
574. You wanna lay down some pipe, bitch?Copy !req
575. Um, can you just-
Could you give me a minute? I'll be-Copy !req
576. Pussy!Copy !req
577. Oh, yeah! Oww! Oh! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
578. Okay. Oh, Jesus-Copy !req
579. - Okay. Hey.
- Hey. Hey.Copy !req
580. - Sorry.
- I was just screwing this warm pie right here.Copy !req
581. - I heard it feels like the real thing.
- That's cool.Copy !req
582. - You know, 16's a real horny age, man.
- Yes-Copy !req
583. - So, uh, what- what you doin'?
- Whoa.Copy !req
584. Nothing. I-
I'm sorry to interrupt you.Copy !req
585. Sarah's in the other room. She's tied to the bed.
She wants to have sex with me.Copy !req
586. - Oh, shit!
- I don't know what to do.Copy !req
587. - Are you serious?
- Yes.Copy !req
588. My man!
This is the big moment!Copy !req
589. - It's about to go down!
- You inconsiderate pricks.Copy !req
590. Will you please keep it down?Copy !req
591. I have such a massive headache.Copy !req
592. Sorry, brother.
It's just, you know, so exciting.Copy !req
593. Our boy's about to get laid!Copy !req
594. - Yeah.
- Brother, you bleedin'?Copy !req
595. What-Copy !req
596. Oh! There are
side effects to this weed!Copy !req
597. Damn!
Anyone have an extra tampon?Copy !req
598. - Preferably super-wide?
- No.Copy !req
599. You need to get your ass back in there
before she passes out.Copy !req
600. - I know. But what if I do it wrong?
- Do it wrong?Copy !req
601. All you doin' is stickin' your dick
in her coochie!Copy !req
602. There's no wrong way
of doing that!Copy !req
603. Well, there was this one time
I stuck my thing in Naomi Turner's cat.Copy !req
604. It was dark in there,
we was huddled up in a twin bed...Copy !req
605. and the cat just snuck up
in between the sheets.Copy !req
606. It just felt like-
Hey! You know? Uhh!Copy !req
607. - We all's the Lord's creatures, right?
- Yes.Copy !req
608. Man, just get your white ass
in there and get to fuckin'!Copy !req
609. - Get to fuckin'!
- Let's do some fucking.Copy !req
610. - Just do some fuckin'!
- It can't be that hard. Everybody does it.Copy !req
611. - Okay, I'm gonna do some fucking!
- Fuck-Fuckin'!Copy !req
612. I can't.
I can't, I can't.Copy !req
613. I can't do it.
I can't do some fuckin'.Copy !req
614. I'm- I don't know
what's wrong with me.Copy !req
615. I'm 40, and I'm-
I'm- I'm never gonna be with a woman.Copy !req
616. I'm just not.Copy !req
617. Not with that sniveling attitude,
you won't!Copy !req
618. - Seth, what are you doing?
- Shut up!Copy !req
619. I'm going out.Copy !req
620. Out to get a milk shake.Copy !req
621. A milk shake?Copy !req
622. Yes, boy!Copy !req
623. You see, I...Copy !req
624. have a milk shake...Copy !req
625. and you have a milk shake.Copy !req
626. But I have a straw.Copy !req
627. You see? Huh?
There it is. Watching!Copy !req
628. My straw reaches...Copy !req
629. across the room...Copy !req
630. and into your milk shake.Copy !req
631. I don't understand what you're doing.Copy !req
632. - Okay, if you're doing a metaphor,
I don't really-Copy !req
633. My milk shake...Copy !req
634. brings all the boys...Copy !req
635. to the yard.Copy !req
636. Damn right it's better than yours!Copy !req
637. Damn right.Copy !req
638. I drink your milk shake!Copy !req
639. I drink it up!Copy !req
640. I don't even know what that means.
That's so weird.Copy !req
641. No one wants a virgin boy, Andy.Copy !req
642. Hey! Don't- What are you- What are you-
Don't do that! Calm down!Copy !req
643. I will not calm down!Copy !req
644. - I will not calm down!
- Stop it! Seth, stop it!Copy !req
645. Stop it!Copy !req
646. Just stop it.Copy !req
647. Dude, I'm so sorry, man.
I'm so fuckin' high right now.Copy !req
648. Uh, look, look.Copy !req
649. You got an ocean
of cum under there, all right?Copy !req
650. The only person that's gonna
be able to get to it is you...Copy !req
651. and you gotta use
your cock to do that.Copy !req
652. - Okay, I get it. Please don't, you know-
- Okay?Copy !req
653. - You can do it.
- I know. I feel like I can do it-Copy !req
654. - No, you can do it!
- I feel like I can do it. I just need to do it.Copy !req
655. - Then go do it already!
- My mind is changing, and I can do this, can't I?Copy !req
656. - Yes, you can do this!
- I know I can! You know what?Copy !req
657. I am sick-Copy !req
658. I'm naked!Copy !req
659. Wow, he is beautiful.Copy !req
660. - Oh, Andy, you're so good!
- Bang that shit up!Copy !req
661. - What the fuck are you doing?
- Oh, Andy, you're so good!Copy !req
662. - Get off of her!
- Andy! Oh!Copy !req
663. - Get off of her.
- Don't stop! Oh!Copy !req
664. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
665. - Get off!
- More! More!Copy !req
666. Where'd you go?Copy !req
667. - Son of a bitch!
- Get off!Copy !req
668. What are you doing, baby?Copy !req
669. Yeah.Copy !req
670. Oh, I like that sound.Copy !req
671. Oh! I can't breathe!Copy !req
672. Ah! You son of a-Copy !req
673. Oh, shit.Copy !req
674. Oh, that burrito definitely was the meat.Copy !req
675. I'm crowning. Oh, my God. Guys, we gotta
pull over here. I don't feel too good.Copy !req
676. Guys?Copy !req
677. You fucking assholes!Copy !req
678. Pull this shit over before I shit all over
your fucking Corinthian leather!Copy !req
679. Oh, shit! Look out!Copy !req
680. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.Copy !req
681. Uh- This won't take long.Copy !req
682. Ah! My God!Copy !req
683. What the fuck!Copy !req
684. What the f-
Is someone in there?Copy !req
685. Hello! Oh, God!Copy !req
686. I'm gonna shit my fucking pants.Copy !req
687. I'm gonna shit my fucking pants.
Oh, my God. What?Copy !req
688. Can you hear me now?
Good.Copy !req
689. Oh, my God.Copy !req
690. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
691. What the fuck?
Where's the fucking toilet?Copy !req
692. Oh, my God.
That's disgusting.Copy !req
693. Oh, God! I gotta go!
Oh, fuck.Copy !req
694. Oh, God. Yeah. Fuck.Copy !req
695. Huh?Copy !req
696. - Yo, where are you, white boy?
- I'm almost done.Copy !req
697. Listen, it's because of you
these Mexicans are trying to kill us!Copy !req
698. - Huh?
- Come on!Copy !req
699. What? What the fuck?Copy !req
700. What? What the fuck?Copy !req
701. Oh, my God.Copy !req
702. Oh, God.
I don't want to do it! I can't do it!Copy !req
703. Fuck it! Oh, God.Copy !req
704. - Okay! I'm here. Let's go.
- Well, it's about goddamn time, white boy.Copy !req
705. What the fuck is that smell?Copy !req
706. I don't fuckin' know, dude.Copy !req
707. - Let's go, dude!
- Come on, let's go, Beat.Copy !req
708. Sarah. Hi!Copy !req
709. Hi.Copy !req
710. That's it? You don't- You don't
notice anything?Copy !req
711. Oh, um-Copy !req
712. Did you- You got new flip-flops?Copy !req
713. - Uh, not the flip-flops.
- Ankles swollen?Copy !req
714. - Higher.
- Oh, you carry a little weight in your knees.Copy !req
715. Higher.Copy !req
716. Oh, my God. Aha! Of course.
You have an outie.Copy !req
717. I never even realized
you had an outie.Copy !req
718. Not even when you were
bangin' me last night?Copy !req
719. Nope? Okay. So, no, I wasn't-
I didn't bang you last night.Copy !req
720. Of course you didn't bang me.Copy !req
721. You just had your dick pounding my liver
like Floyd Mayweather's punching bag...Copy !req
722. and now I'm pregnant!Copy !req
723. - Oh, shit. You're pregnant?
- Oh, bingo!Copy !req
724. - Give the man a fuckin' prize!
- Be careful with that.Copy !req
725. I don't, um- That's-
Yeah, you are. You're very pregnant.Copy !req
726. - I'm just wondering how that happened in a day.
- I'm half Mexican.Copy !req
727. Really?Copy !req
728. Andy, do you know how hard it is...Copy !req
729. to find a guy who can make you feel like
you're getting nailed by five guys?Copy !req
730. Mmm. No, I don't-
I don't know how hard that would be...Copy !req
731. but that's not my baby.Copy !req
732. Oh, God. Of course.Copy !req
733. Typical response
from an irresponsible, middle-aged guy...Copy !req
734. who lives with a bunch
of sex-crazed teenagers!Copy !req
735. Okay. Come on.
My friends are not sex-crazed teenagers.Copy !req
736. Okay, yeah. He's cupping
and maybe juggling your breasts a little bit.Copy !req
737. Look- Do you mind?Copy !req
738. Oh, awkward.Copy !req
739. Thank you.Copy !req
740. I thought you were
wearing a condom.Copy !req
741. No, I wasn't wearing a condom
because I didn't have sex with you.Copy !req
742. If you don't accept this child...Copy !req
743. I am gonna go
so Flint, Michigan on you...Copy !req
744. that you are gonna go into
a deep economic depression...Copy !req
745. caused by the demise
of the auto industry.Copy !req
746. Then some fat guy's
gonna do a documentary on you!Copy !req
747. I don't understand what that means.Copy !req
748. If that doesn't work-Copy !req
749. then this baby is gonna suffer!Copy !req
750. - It's just a baby, so- Don't smoke that.
- May cause severe birth defects.Copy !req
751. That's very 1970s.
Don't do that, please.Copy !req
752. - Still not your baby?
- No, that's-Copy !req
753. - Wanna go for underdeveloped lung capacity?
- I don't want to go for that.Copy !req
754. It's illegal also, so please don't-Copy !req
755. Okay. I know you're upset,
so please don't drink that...Copy !req
756. because that's how you
make a baby homeless and- Oh!Copy !req
757. Mommy, Mommy! No, Mommy!Copy !req
758. We're done, Andy.
It's over, jerk-off.Copy !req
759. Sarah. Sarah! Come on!Copy !req
760. I thought we had something!
I mean, I let you throw up in my mouth!Copy !req
761. Oh!Copy !req
762. Hey, come on, Biscuit!Copy !req
763. You're talkin' 'bout a hood rat.Copy !req
764. Hey, she's just for practice,
you know?Copy !req
765. You can't get all emotionally involved
all up in that shit.Copy !req
766. I don't know, Blaqguy.
I just feel like I need to get out of here...Copy !req
767. recharge my batteries,
go on vacation.Copy !req
768. But I don't-
I don't know where to go!Copy !req
769. Sarah Marshall was found canoodling with
British rock sensation Aldous Bright...Copy !req
770. in Maui, Hawaii.Copy !req
771. The couple seemed very much in love as
they frolicked about without a care in the world.Copy !req
772. What's warm this time of year?Copy !req
773. Maui, which is a favorite
hot spot for many celebrities...Copy !req
774. seems to be the place of choice
for Aldous...Copy !req
775. as we've seen him with multiple love interests
just in the past few months.Copy !req
776. - Maybe Australia?
- Maui-Copy !req
777. - No, that's too far.
- is one of the warmest and closest of the tropic getaways.Copy !req
778. - How 'bout Mexico?
- Fuck face, are you deaf?Copy !req
779. Your whore is here in Maui
with another guy.Copy !req
780. I have frequent flyer miles,
but I- I don't know.Copy !req
781. Hey, asshole! No wonder you're a virgin.
You're a fucking retard.Copy !req
782. - Turn the TVup.
- Hey, you know what? How 'bout Maui?Copy !req
783. Oh, ha, ha!
Hey, Maui. Good call.Copy !req
784. You'd be so far removed from anything
Sarah, you'll get over her ass in no time.Copy !req
785. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
786. Don't move, you sick fuck.Copy !req
787. Where am I supposed to go,
you fucking dickheads?Copy !req
788. Hey, Mandy,
quit takin' up all the drugs.Copy !req
789. Yeah.Copy !req
790. What the fuck?
Holy shit!Copy !req
791. McAnalovin!Copy !req
792. McAnalovin!
McAnalovin!Copy !req
793. McAnalovin!Copy !req
794. Hold on there, bitch.Copy !req
795. - Let me in!
- Holy shit!Copy !req
796. McAnalovin!
Let me in the fuckin' car!Copy !req
797. Dude! Jonah!Copy !req
798. - Let him in the car, dude.
- Any friend of yours is one of ours.Copy !req
799. - Get on in, fat white boy!
- Hi, baby!Copy !req
800. Holy fuckin' shit!
You got fuckin' beer!Copy !req
801. - You got the fuckin'beer!
- Of course I did. I'm McAnalovin!Copy !req
802. - Fuckin'incredible!
- Chicka-chicka-yeah!Copy !req
803. And you got fuckin' tits in your car!
Holy fucking shit!Copy !req
804. - Yeah!
- Whoo!Copy !req
805. - Hi.
- Aloha.Copy !req
806. Oh.Copy !req
807. Hi. I'm Andy Spitzer.
I'm checking in.Copy !req
808. Oh, Mr. Spitzer. Hello!
We have you in one of our econo rooms.Copy !req
809. Great. Yeah.
That's $50 a night?Copy !req
810. Fifty dollars.
Of course.Copy !req
811. Then there's a eight percent state tax,
a seven percent city tax...Copy !req
812. a 12% airport tax, a 32% stimulus tax
and, of course, the valet fee.Copy !req
813. Oh, valet.
No, I didn't drive, so-Copy !req
814. - Everyone pays the valet fee. It's standard.
- Standard?Copy !req
815. The grand total on your room
will come to $485 per night.Copy !req
816. Food is extra except
the mint on your pillow at turndown.Copy !req
817. $485? That's... ridiculous.Copy !req
818. - It's a very good mint.
- I know. I-I-Copy !req
819. I'd like to speak to a manager, please.Copy !req
820. - Manager to the front desk.
Manager to the front desk.Copy !req
821. We have a cheap bitch in line one.
Cheap bitch in line one.Copy !req
822. If he's not a cheap bitch,
he's a broke-ass motherfucker.Copy !req
823. Cheap bitch
broke-ass motherfucker in line one!Copy !req
824. - Okay. Can you-
- Uh-uh. Piehole, I'm goin' on break.Copy !req
825. - Andy?
- Kim.Copy !req
826. - What are you doing here?
- I needed a vacation. This is so- Wow.Copy !req
827. This is crazy. Well, I work here.
I'm gonna hook you up.Copy !req
828. I'm gonna give you
the presidential suite.Copy !req
829. Oh, okay. Thank you.
That's so nice of you.Copy !req
830. - Under one condition.
- Okay.Copy !req
831. You take me on that date
we were supposed to go on last week.Copy !req
832. Deal. I'd love to.
Okay. T-Tonight?Copy !req
833. - At 8:00 p. m.?
- 8:00 p. m.'s great.Copy !req
834. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
835. Okay.
So, thank you so much.Copy !req
836. Bye! I have my leg on.
I didn't forget it this time.Copy !req
837. If you don't open this door, asshole,
I am gonna get the manager...Copy !req
838. and have him throw your drunk, lowlife ass
out on the street, you prick!Copy !req
839. Sarah?Copy !req
840. Oh! My baby daddy.Copy !req
841. This is weird.
Um, I came here on vacation...Copy !req
842. and my friend gave me this room.Copy !req
843. - This is weird.
- It's not weird at all.Copy !req
844. You came here to find me.
That's so romantic.Copy !req
845. No, I didn't come-
No, this is a coincidence, really.Copy !req
846. This is really just a coincidence.Copy !req
847. So you're still not gonna
claim your love child?Copy !req
848. Baby, what is all the noise?Copy !req
849. You're not still mad at me, are you?Copy !req
850. Right. I thought you said
no sex till after the baby.Copy !req
851. That must be some other lady you're dating,
'cause we are gonna do it right now.Copy !req
852. Bye, Andy.Copy !req
853. Son of a bitch.
He must have a girl over there.Copy !req
854. Oh. Take it. Take it!
Take it like a dirty whore!Copy !req
855. Oh, yeah!
Give me your man stick!Copy !req
856. Oh, take it like a Brit
who hates everything American!Copy !req
857. No, I can't, 'cause I
can see the baby moving.Copy !req
858. - Yes.
- Don't look.Copy !req
859. Oh, yes! Give me
your big limey lizard!Copy !req
860. Oh, yeah! You're giving new meaning
to "bangers and mash"!Copy !req
861. Oh, God! You are so huge!Copy !req
862. - Say you love me right now.
- I love you right now.Copy !req
863. - Fuckin' louder, bitch.
- I love you right now!Copy !req
864. I love you too, Aldous! Of course
we can name the baby after you!Copy !req
865. - No. I don't want to name the baby-
- Shut up! Yes, you do!Copy !req
866. Get inside me now.Copy !req
867. Oh, yes!Copy !req
868. Oh, yes!Copy !req
869. Yes, yes! Oh, yes!
Oh, yeah! Yes!Copy !req
870. - Something's got a hold of me willy.
- What?Copy !req
871. Something's got a hold of me willy!
It feels like... baby hands.Copy !req
872. Oh, good God, Lord!
The baby's got a hold of me wanker!Copy !req
873. Shut up! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
874. Oh, yes! Like that!Copy !req
875. - Yes, yes!
- What did you fuck, the devil?Copy !req
876. Daddy! Daddy! Play!Copy !req
877. Oh, good Lord!
Help me, Jesus Christ!Copy !req
878. - This woman's got a demon in her sex!
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
879. Oh, God!Copy !req
880. Oh, yes!Copy !req
881. - This place is really nice.
- Yeah, I love it here.Copy !req
882. It reminds me of a restaurant my uncle
used to take me to when I was a little girl.Copy !req
883. He'd always have a scotch.
I hated the taste of it after he kissed me.Copy !req
884. - Is that- Uh, is that you?
- Huh?Copy !req
885. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh.Copy !req
886. You know what?
My ex-boyfriend owns this restaurant.Copy !req
887. He took those of me one night
when I was really toasted.Copy !req
888. You have- Ex-boy-
You've been here three days.Copy !req
889. You already have
an ex-boyfriend. Wow.Copy !req
890. Once you start mixing
alcohol and Red Bull...Copy !req
891. it's like you're behind the wheel of a car
going 100 miles an hour, but nobody's driving.Copy !req
892. - Yeah.
- Yeah. That's-Copy !req
893. Wow. You're really flexible.Copy !req
894. Oh, yeah. It's genetic. I come from
a long line of leg spreaders.Copy !req
895. Yeah. Because you seem to
really like being naked.Copy !req
896. A- Are you judging me, Andy?
Is that what's going on here?Copy !req
897. - No. No!
- 'Cause if you are, I will walk out of here right now.Copy !req
898. No, no, no. Kim, I'm not judging you.
Please, I'm not judging you.Copy !req
899. You know, I've gotten drunk and
done some pretty wild things myself.Copy !req
900. Just drop it, Andy, okay?
Put the photos behind us?Copy !req
901. - Yeah. Okay. I'm all for that, yeah.
- Great. Thank you.Copy !req
902. - Shall we order?
- Yeah. I'm starving.Copy !req
903. Is that a-
Is that a gorilla?Copy !req
904. Yeah, Andy.
It's a gorilla.Copy !req
905. - What does it look like, a giraffe? Come on.
- No. Yeah.Copy !req
906. - I like you, Andy. I like you a lot.
- I like you too.Copy !req
907. The funny thing is that usually I like to
get really physical with the guys I date.Copy !req
908. But with you, it's different.Copy !req
909. - It's like I need something more.
- Yeah.Copy !req
910. I feel like I'm connecting with you
on such a deeper level.Copy !req
911. You're like a brother to me.Copy !req
912. You've got this asexual vibe
that's so hot.Copy !req
913. It's like I could see us married
for five years and not even kissing.Copy !req
914. - Oh, really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
915. I really think we should just
go a while without having sex.Copy !req
916. Like a long, long while,
you know?Copy !req
917. - Just take things really slow.
- Okay.Copy !req
918. You know what I'm saying, Andy? 'Cause I don't
think we should get each other hot and bothered.Copy !req
919. I really think we should just let sex
be the furthest thing from our minds.Copy !req
920. - Okay.
- I won't tongue your ear...Copy !req
921. or rub my natural...Copy !req
922. perky breasts
up against your chest...Copy !req
923. or lick your inner thigh
all the way up to your c-Copy !req
924. up to your- to your c-Copy !req
925. - My c-
- Yeah.Copy !req
926. I really want to say it,
but I feel shy saying the word "cock. "Copy !req
927. I think I know what you mean. Yeah.Copy !req
928. Is that your cock?
Oh, my God!Copy !req
929. You're making a weird face right now.Copy !req
930. - I am? Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
931. It's funny. You look like a-
like a crazy person.Copy !req
932. Oh. Oh!Copy !req
933. I had such a good time with you.Copy !req
934. Oh, I just- I feel like
we're connected or something.Copy !req
935. I feel like you might be
my soul mate.Copy !req
936. Ooh!
Take me from behind. Yeah.Copy !req
937. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
938. Uh, what the hell is that?Copy !req
939. What? Oh. Oh, it's my tattoo.Copy !req
940. My uncle inked it on me
when I was, like, 12.Copy !req
941. It's like a family crest. It's kind of cool, right?
I never got a full look at it.Copy !req
942. - Are you Native American?
- What? No.Copy !req
943. I want you inside me right now.Copy !req
944. - Please, Andy.
- Okay, okay.Copy !req
945. Don't do it, Andy! Do not throw away
everything that we have built together!Copy !req
946. - Who the hell is this?
- Sarah, what are you doing?Copy !req
947. Look, I made a mistake, okay?
I never should have let you go.Copy !req
948. You're the one
that I want to be with.Copy !req
949. I know it,
and our baby knows it.Copy !req
950. That is not my baby, okay?
That is not my baby.Copy !req
951. I know that this is a lot for you to process,
and that's okay.Copy !req
952. Oprah says that all men go through
this first phase of denial with pregnancy...Copy !req
953. and we can go through it together.Copy !req
954. Hold on a second.
Am I hearing that this is your baby?Copy !req
955. - That is not my baby!
- Of course it is. He's my baby's daddy.Copy !req
956. I'm not your baby's daddy!
Blaqguy's the baby's daddy.Copy !req
957. Leave it up to the man
to put the blame on the coloreds.Copy !req
958. I'm not blaming anybody! Blaqguy had
sex with you when you were blindfolded!Copy !req
959. Okay, Andy.
I'll humor you, all right?Copy !req
960. There's only one way to find this out
for sure. A little help, please!Copy !req
961. Ladies and gentlemen, Andy claims...Copy !req
962. that his roommate diddled Sarah
while she wasn't lookin'.Copy !req
963. Ooh!Copy !req
964. Sarah claims that this baby
is gonna come out all white and hairy...Copy !req
965. just like his daddy Andy.Copy !req
966. Aw!Copy !req
967. So, to end all of this right now...Copy !req
968. we have an amazing new D.N.A. test...Copy !req
969. that can determine the father of a child
before the baby is born.Copy !req
970. Ooh!Copy !req
971. Come here,
you grisly little bastard.Copy !req
972. I am so sick and tired-Copy !req
973. of you deadbeat motherfuckers...Copy !req
974. makin' us white guys look bad!Copy !req
975. Oh, shit!Copy !req
976. If it turns blue, ladies,
we've got your baby's daddy.Copy !req
977. I'm sorry, son. I may have been
a little too hard on you right there.Copy !req
978. You can take a hound to water...Copy !req
979. but you can't water a hound.Copy !req
980. Sarah, you're a bitch.Copy !req
981. Good night, folks.
I'm Dr. Bill.Copy !req
982. He told you, bitch.Copy !req
983. Now you look stupid.Copy !req
984. Stupid?
Who you callin' stupid, bitch?Copy !req
985. - You, trick.
- Trick? You the ho.Copy !req
986. I'm the ho?
You the ho with that ho mouth.Copy !req
987. Should be eatin' out this peach
with that ho mouth.Copy !req
988. Oh, I will eat that peach.Copy !req
989. I will eat that peach
until it turns into a prune, bitch.Copy !req
990. You think I'm scared of you
turning my peach into a prune?Copy !req
991. - Oh, you're not scared of me?
- Nah, I ain't scared of you.Copy !req
992. You're not scared
of me suckin' it?Copy !req
993. - I'm gonna suck you off like I did my man Andy.
- What you say, bitch?Copy !req
994. - You heard me.
- What you say about my man Andy?Copy !req
995. - Your man?
- It's on, bitch.Copy !req
996. All right. Are you ready?Copy !req
997. Are you ready?
Let's get it on!Copy !req
998. Let me see
what you can do.Copy !req
999. Fucker!Copy !req
1000. Oh, I think I just farted.
I'm sorry, you guys.Copy !req
1001. Come on, smelly snatch.
Come on! Come on! Fuckin' do it!Copy !req
1002. Oh, you did not just fuck
with my best asset.Copy !req
1003. Oh, did it just get cold in here?Copy !req
1004. - Let's go, bitch.
- You want to go again? You want to go again?Copy !req
1005. Oh!Copy !req
1006. - Oh.
- This is what I like to call the "Heather Mills," bitch.Copy !req
1007. Please! Don't.Copy !req
1008. You know what, Andy?Copy !req
1009. This is exactly the kind of drama I wanted
to get away from by moving out here.Copy !req
1010. So who's it gonna be-
me or her?Copy !req
1011. You're both, like, incredibly
special people, and I-Copy !req
1012. You know what?
It's been real, but it's over.Copy !req
1013. - Kim, please-
- Give me my leg!Copy !req
1014. Give it to me!Copy !req
1015. Hey. You ready
for some of this?Copy !req
1016. - Aw, shit.
- Pussy!Copy !req
1017. Young white one,
follow me to the path of your destiny.Copy !req
1018. What?Copy !req
1019. Motherfucker, get yo' ass out of
that lounge chair and follow me, bitch.Copy !req
1020. Damn!Copy !req
1021. Hi. Who are you?Copy !req
1022. The force is strong with this one.Copy !req
1023. - Virgin you are.
- Are you-Copy !req
1024. A virgin? Yes.
140 years for me.Copy !req
1025. Okay. You're 140 years old? I doubt that.
Nobody's 140 years old.Copy !req
1026. By not spilling your seed upon the sand,
many years do you live.Copy !req
1027. Splooge is the key to life force, it is.Copy !req
1028. He's saying if you don't jerk it,
you live longer.Copy !req
1029. - Really?
- Mmm.Copy !req
1030. I'm 81 myself.Copy !req
1031. So, wait. I've been doing
the right thing this whole time?Copy !req
1032. Yes have you.Copy !req
1033. Um, I'm sorry.
Is that your ball sac?Copy !req
1034. Observant you are.Copy !req
1035. Scrotum very stretchy.Copy !req
1036. Yes, yes. Very stretchy.Copy !req
1037. - Yeah.
- At age 41, your balls will fill up.Copy !req
1038. The bigger they get,
the more force you'll have.Copy !req
1039. I don't care about the force.
I don't want big balls.Copy !req
1040. Behold, the power
of the virgin force.Copy !req
1041. Oh!
No! This is not what I-Copy !req
1042. I don't want to be
a virgin anymore!Copy !req
1043. I fear we have lost another one
to the dark side.Copy !req
1044. Scratch the back of my balls,
will you?Copy !req
1045. Reach them I cannot.Copy !req
1046. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
1047. That's so hot. Oh, my God.
Smile on this one.Copy !req
1048. No, no. Don't use your teeth.
Ah, that's-Copy !req
1049. Hey, hey, hey, fuck snort!
What are you doing with my photos?Copy !req
1050. She's my girlfriend,
and these are mine!Copy !req
1051. And don't call me a snort fuck
or whatever it is you called me.Copy !req
1052. What a fuckin' hunyak!
You, back at me right now. There we go.Copy !req
1053. It just isn't right that a woman
as wonderful as you...Copy !req
1054. has her shaved... chunch plastered
all over a four-star restaurant.Copy !req
1055. I know we're not together, but if we were I
wouldn't want to share your growler with anyone.Copy !req
1056. Except for maybe the gorilla.
That kind of turned me on.Copy !req
1057. It wasn't a gorilla, Andy.
It was a guy in a fuzzy suit.Copy !req
1058. Oh. I didn't know that.Copy !req
1059. Look, I made a mistake back there
by not telling you how I really feel.Copy !req
1060. I choose you, Kim.
I choose you.Copy !req
1061. I'm doomed!Copy !req
1062. I'm gonna be this old man
with this giant nut sac...Copy !req
1063. and nobody
to carry it around for me!Copy !req
1064. Oh, damn! Oh, my God.Copy !req
1065. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1066. Holy fuck! Oh!Copy !req
1067. Andy!Copy !req
1068. - Andy! Oh, my God! Andy, are you okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1069. I'm so sorry I said
all those things to you.Copy !req
1070. I feel horrible about it.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
1071. - It's okay. Listen, Kim.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1072. There's something
I wanna tell you, okay?Copy !req
1073. You, too, have hepatitis "B" and
an incurable case of burning Chlamydia?Copy !req
1074. - No. What?
- What?Copy !req
1075. - Oh. I'm sorry.
- Nothing. No. No.Copy !req
1076. - There's something else, okay?
- Oh.Copy !req
1077. Look.Copy !req
1078. I'm a virgin.Copy !req
1079. Really?Copy !req
1080. Oh, Andy, that is so refreshing.Copy !req
1081. I haven't been with a virgin
since I was, like, eight.Copy !req
1082. - Wait. What?
- Since I was, like, eight.Copy !req
1083. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
1084. You know what?Copy !req
1085. I love you. You got hit by a car,
and you're still standing up.Copy !req
1086. You're just undefeatable.Copy !req
1087. All right, Sarah! Just keep pushing!Copy !req
1088. Got some crowning action
going on over here.Copy !req
1089. I can see the head, but the head
can't see me. Here we go!Copy !req
1090. - I'm gonna take a look.
- No, don't look! Don't look!Copy !req
1091. Holy Christ!
I shouldn't have looked.Copy !req
1092. Oh, shit! Get it out!
Get it out!Copy !req
1093. Here it comes.Copy !req
1094. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
1095. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
1096. No.Copy !req
1097. What about now?Copy !req
1098. Good.Copy !req
1099. - Oh!
- I see the head.Copy !req
1100. - Shit! Ah, cocksucker, motherfucker!
- Push.Copy !req
1101. Oh!Copy !req
1102. Congratulations
on your beautiful baby boy!Copy !req
1103. You got a playmate now.Copy !req
1104. Do I even know you?Copy !req
1105. - We got another one.
- What? Oh, God!Copy !req
1106. - Here we are. It's coming.
- Fuck!Copy !req
1107. Oh!Copy !req
1108. Uh, I'm gonna assume
this one is yours?Copy !req
1109. Oh, he's beautiful!Copy !req
1110. - Hey!
- Here's another one.Copy !req
1111. Come on. Here it is.Copy !req
1112. Oh!Copy !req
1113. It's for you.
Congratulations.Copy !req
1114. Oh, wow.Copy !req
1115. How many people did you have sex with?Copy !req
1116. It's coming! Here it is.Copy !req
1117. Is it- Is it-Copy !req
1118. My little rice ball.Copy !req
1119. Oh. Thank you, Nurse.Copy !req
1120. - Hey, Andy. Congratulations.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
1121. Tonight you get to do both of us.Copy !req
1122. But we were just
wondering one thing.Copy !req
1123. - Have you ever had a Turkish log jammer?
- Double clam slam?Copy !req
1124. - Bolivian skyscraper?
- Sweaty catfish sampler?Copy !req
1125. Pink glass shower?Copy !req
1126. Mouth fucking?Copy !req
1127. Okay. Get the fuck
out of here!Copy !req
1128. Are you ready for this?Copy !req
1129. Yeah. I-I think so.Copy !req
1130. I'm gonna make it really easy on you.
I'm gonna do all the work.Copy !req
1131. Oh. Okay.Copy !req
1132. - Oh. Oh!
- Wow.Copy !req
1133. Oh, that feels- That's good.Copy !req
1134. You're officially
not a virgin anymore.Copy !req
1135. Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
1136. Oh, that's really-
That feels good.Copy !req
1137. That feels, like, really good.Copy !req
1138. Why are you making that face?Copy !req
1139. - Aw, sorry. I'm sorry.
- That's okay. It's all right.Copy !req
1140. Just try to look into my eyes.Copy !req
1141. Okay. Yeah. That's- Ah, there.
There, that hurts.Copy !req
1142. This hurts. Little bit hurts.
Good though. In a good way.Copy !req
1143. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Okay. Oh.Copy !req
1144. Do it harder.Copy !req
1145. You shouldn't move. Something's
going on now. Something's going on.Copy !req
1146. What's happening?Copy !req
1147. Ah! Get out of me!
Get out!Copy !req
1148. Apparently, the wildfire has
been completely extinguished.Copy !req
1149. But in related news...Copy !req
1150. Louisiana is now completely flooded.Copy !req
1151. A torrential downpour
of an unknown salty liquid...Copy !req
1152. has filled the area...Copy !req
1153. breaking the levees once again
in the process.Copy !req
1154. Ha! Aha!Copy !req
1155. Uh-uh.
I don't think you said that.Copy !req
1156. Yes.Copy !req
1157. Yes.Copy !req
1158. Yes.Copy !req
1159. Yes.Copy !req
1160. Yes.Copy !req
1161. Yes.Copy !req
1162. Yes.Copy !req
1163. Yes.Copy !req
1164. Yes.Copy !req
1165. Yes.Copy !req
1166. Yes.Copy !req
1167. Yes.Copy !req
1168. Yes.Copy !req
1169. Yes.Copy !req
1170. Yes.Copy !req
1171. Yes!Copy !req
1172. Yes! Yes! Yes, yes!Copy !req
1173. Yes, yes, you stupid,
lamebrained, relentless...Copy !req
1174. snot-nosed, dickface,
cocksucker, cock knocker...Copy !req
1175. motherfucker, yes!Copy !req
1176. Yes! Now, don't you ever give up?Copy !req
1177. Don't you have a conscience?
Have you no fucking soul?Copy !req
1178. You unflinching bastard!Copy !req
1179. You stupid, relentless, lamebrained...Copy !req
1180. fucking cocksucker!Copy !req
1181. Fuck burger,
fucking, fucking fuck burger!Copy !req
1182. Can you hear me now?Copy !req
1183. Yes.Copy !req
1184. Yes!Copy !req
1185. Yes!Copy !req
1186. Yes!Copy !req
1187. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
1188. Uh.Copy !req
1189. Just when you thought
it was over...Copy !req
1190. we come back.Copy !req
1191. Some mo'dick fo'your ass.Copy !req
1192. Yeah. Not a deuce.Copy !req
1193. English - US - SDHCopy !req