1. Hey, Andy! What's up, dude?Copy !req
2. Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing?Copy !req
3. When you going to get a car?Copy !req
4. Hey, why don't you get a car?
I can't afford it.Copy !req
5. So, Survivor tomorrow night.
We on? See you then.Copy !req
6. I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange.Copy !req
7. Okay, take care. See you. Bye-bye.Copy !req
8. That guy needs to get laid.
Tell me something I don't know.Copy !req
9. Good morning.Copy !req
10. Excuse me. Pardon me.Copy !req
11. Sorry.Copy !req
12. Excuse me. Thank you.Copy !req
13. Good morning. Hey.Copy !req
14. Good morning, Paula. Andy.Copy !req
15. Excuse me. I have a question.Copy !req
16. What is the difference between
Hi8 and Digital video tapes?Copy !req
17. I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably—Copy !req
18. Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you?Copy !req
19. Well, I was just wondering...Copy !req
20. what is the difference between these?Copy !req
21. (Jay) Well, if I'm photographing
someone as fine as yourself...Copy !req
22. I'd probably go Digital.Copy !req
23. ? Hey, don't worry I've been lied to?Copy !req
24. My God. Sorry I'm late, man. No problem.Copy !req
25. Oh, man.Copy !req
26. I had a weekend. Yeah?Copy !req
27. We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know...Copy !req
28. and we thought it would be fun,
you know, to go to this show.Copy !req
29. Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows."Copy !req
30. And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse.Copy !req
31. We get there, and, you know,
we think it's gonna be awesome...Copy !req
32. and it is not as cool as it sounds
like it would be, man.Copy !req
33. It's kind of gross. Yeah.Copy !req
34. You think, "A woman fucking a horse"...Copy !req
35. and you get there and it's...Copy !req
36. a woman fucking a horse. Yeah.Copy !req
37. It was really giving it to her.Copy !req
38. And you know what...Copy !req
39. to be honest, I felt bad for her.
We all just felt bad for her.Copy !req
40. Yeah. Kind of felt bad for the horse.Copy !req
41. Wow, that's something.
So what did you get up to?Copy !req
42. You know, I just kind of hung out. I was...Copy !req
43. God, Friday, when I went home...Copy !req
44. I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich.Copy !req
45. And I was just obsessing about it and I was like:Copy !req
46. "Man, I'm gonna make one of those."Copy !req
47. So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs...Copy !req
48. and I boiled them all and then I just...Copy !req
49. I spent, I don't know, probably three hours...Copy !req
50. like, three-and-a-half hours making...Copy !req
51. you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika...Copy !req
52. and, you know, all the accoutrement.Copy !req
53. And then, by the time I was done...Copy !req
54. I just really didn't feel like eating it.Copy !req
55. I can imagine. And I didn't have any bread.Copy !req
56. So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend.Copy !req
57. Sounds pretty awesome. Yeah, it was fine.Copy !req
58. Sounds really fun.Copy !req
59. Cool. Cool.Copy !req
60. Cool, cool.Copy !req
61. Hey, Paula. Yeah.Copy !req
62. I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it.Copy !req
63. For the first time today, I woke up...Copy !req
64. I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you...Copy !req
65. that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD...Copy !req
66. that you've been playing for two years straight, off...Copy !req
67. I'm going to kill everyone in the store...Copy !req
68. and put a bullet in my brain.Copy !req
69. David, what do you suggest we play? I don't care. Anything.Copy !req
70. I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast.Copy !req
71. I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours...Copy !req
72. than have to listen to Michael McDonald.Copy !req
73. Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time...Copy !req
74. I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground.Copy !req
75. You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor.Copy !req
76. This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma.Copy !req
77. What are you doing? That's my customer.Copy !req
78. It certainly is not. When I came upon her,
she was unattended.Copy !req
79. No, that's my— Wait.Copy !req
80. Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please.Copy !req
81. She was unattended because I went to the back...Copy !req
82. to get the brochure that she requested.Copy !req
83. I apologize, but it's too late.
The transaction has been completed.Copy !req
84. Then you're gonna give me half the commission.Copy !req
85. You'll receive none of the commission.Copy !req
86. I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy.Copy !req
87. This is bullshit.Copy !req
88. Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula.Copy !req
89. How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause.Copy !req
90. Sick of you poaching my customers.
I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit.Copy !req
91. You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it?Copy !req
92. Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay?Copy !req
93. Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath...Copy !req
94. I can't return it until it has spilled blood.Copy !req
95. Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger.Copy !req
96. Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay?Copy !req
97. Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban.Copy !req
98. Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here?Copy !req
99. Do I talk like a turban guy?Copy !req
100. Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?"Copy !req
101. Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn.Copy !req
102. Brooklyn, okay?Copy !req
103. My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?Copy !req
104. All right, man. Calm down, dude.Copy !req
105. Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what?Copy !req
106. If I can keep this commission, with pleasure.Copy !req
107. Cool, then. All right, pop. No problem.Copy !req
108. How about Andy? No.Copy !req
109. Come on, man. We need, what, five guys...Copy !req
110. to play a decent poker game, right? Yeah.Copy !req
111. If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go...Copy !req
112. to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill...Copy !req
113. and that shit ain't happening.Copy !req
114. No. Why not?Copy !req
115. He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that...Copy !req
116. he is a serial murderer.Copy !req
117. Who cares, man? He's a nice guy.Copy !req
118. I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards.Copy !req
119. That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade...Copy !req
120. in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying.Copy !req
121. I don't really see any other options.Copy !req
122. Andy. My man.Copy !req
123. You got any plans later on tonight?Copy !req
124. Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck?Copy !req
125. No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker...Copy !req
126. thought, you know, you'd wanna play.Copy !req
127. With you guys?Copy !req
128. Yeah, sure. That would be cool.Copy !req
129. You know how to play, right? Yeah, I play online sometimes.Copy !req
130. We're gonna play in the store. Great.Copy !req
131. Are we allowed to do that?Copy !req
132. Absolutely not. Yeah.
Oh.Copy !req
133. Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula.Copy !req
134. I'm just kidding.Copy !req
135. I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight.Copy !req
136. Okay. All right.Copy !req
137. Oops.Copy !req
138. I almost feel guilty. No, you don't.Copy !req
139. Going down!Copy !req
140. Going down!Copy !req
141. Dumbass.Copy !req
142. And a full house.Copy !req
143. Oh, my dukes! What?Copy !req
144. How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg?Copy !req
145. For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo.Copy !req
146. Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man.Copy !req
147. This is hog shit.Copy !req
148. You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here.Copy !req
149. You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you?Copy !req
150. Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you...Copy !req
151. fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay?Copy !req
152. (Jay) I'm gonna see you tomorrow.Copy !req
153. Peace. All right, man.Copy !req
154. Good night. I love that guy.Copy !req
155. Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.Copy !req
156. About to go see Ellen in a little bit.Copy !req
157. Going now? Late-night action, huh?Copy !req
158. Dude, you know how it goes.Copy !req
159. Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits?Copy !req
160. It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah.Copy !req
161. It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement.Copy !req
162. If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with...Copy !req
163. you wouldn't be saying this shit.Copy !req
164. There's nothing you can't do with this woman...Copy !req
165. straight up and down. I've done every single thing...Copy !req
166. I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up...Copy !req
167. and made love to the arches of her feet. All right.Copy !req
168. Wow! (Jay) Yeah.Copy !req
169. Foot fuck! That's sick, man.Copy !req
170. Wow. That is not sick.Copy !req
171. I will give you sick. Oh, shit.Copy !req
172. I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the...Copy !req
173. Her tits were unbelievable. Oh, man, I love titties.Copy !req
174. And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish...Copy !req
175. and her dog starts licking my ass.Copy !req
176. I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog?Copy !req
177. I know your nasty ass. He finished.Copy !req
178. I finished. And then I stole the dog.Copy !req
179. No, I didn't, but...Copy !req
180. You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love...Copy !req
181. till it was almost like we weren't two people...Copy !req
182. but we were two spirits or something.Copy !req
183. Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it.Copy !req
184. Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart.Copy !req
185. Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things?Copy !req
186. "Sharing the same heart," that's like some...Copy !req
187. Britney Spears shit, man.Copy !req
188. This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit.Copy !req
189. Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit.Copy !req
190. Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago.Copy !req
191. You get over it at some point. Two years, man.Copy !req
192. You need to get past that...Copy !req
193. because no ass is worth thinking that much about...Copy !req
194. I always say.Copy !req
195. Andy, do me a favor.Copy !req
196. Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story?
Yes.Copy !req
197. I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't...Copy !req
198. I don't kiss and tell.Copy !req
199. Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done.Copy !req
200. I'm talking about nasty.Copy !req
201. Wow.Copy !req
202. So many stories are running through my head right now.Copy !req
203. I dated this girl...Copy !req
204. for a while, and she was really a nasty freak.Copy !req
205. She just loved to get down with sex all the time.Copy !req
206. She was like, any time of day, she was like:Copy !req
207. "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty."Copy !req
208. And I'd be nailing her.Copy !req
209. Oh, shit. She'd be like:Copy !req
210. "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool."Copy !req
211. She talk dirty to you? She loved to dirty-talk.Copy !req
212. Totally into it. She'd be like:Copy !req
213. "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck."Copy !req
214. God, it was so dirty.Copy !req
215. She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time."Copy !req
216. So...Copy !req
217. (Jay) So what were the titties like? Yeah, describe her...Copy !req
218. Yeah, she had great tits.Copy !req
219. No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know...Copy !req
220. them little pink teeny nipples. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
221. (Jay) Or like the long National Geographic nipples.Copy !req
222. You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders.Copy !req
223. Yeah, they were nice.Copy !req
224. You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's...Copy !req
225. And you feel it and...Copy !req
226. it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.Copy !req
227. Bag of sand?Copy !req
228. You know what I mean. Why don't we just play?Copy !req
229. Why don't you just deal the cards?Copy !req
230. What are you talking about?Copy !req
231. Have you ever felt a breast before, man?Copy !req
232. Yes.Copy !req
233. Dude, are you gay? No, I'm not gay.Copy !req
234. I've been with tons of women.Copy !req
235. I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once.Copy !req
236. Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys.Copy !req
237. I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail.Copy !req
238. No, I'm not gay.Copy !req
239. No, I've borked a lot of women in my day.Copy !req
240. You've "borked"?Copy !req
241. Hold up. Yo, answer this question:Copy !req
242. Are you a virgin?Copy !req
243. Are you a virgin?Copy !req
244. Yeah, not since I was 10.Copy !req
245. It all makes sense. You're a virgin.Copy !req
246. I am... Shut up. How does that happen?Copy !req
247. He's a fucking virgin.Copy !req
248. I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin.Copy !req
249. You guys are hilarious. All right, come on, don't be mean.Copy !req
250. I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out.Copy !req
251. I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude.Copy !req
252. I understand what's going on.Copy !req
253. You guys are so up your asses.Copy !req
254. From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy.Copy !req
255. A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that.Copy !req
256. God, me so horny? Me so stupid!Copy !req
257. Oh, come on.Copy !req
258. It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember.Copy !req
259. Those guys are cool.Copy !req
260. This is gonna be bad.Copy !req
261. Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word.Copy !req
262. You know what's a dirty word, is asshole...Copy !req
263. and that's what you guys are.Copy !req
264. You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up.Copy !req
265. Yeah.Copy !req
266. Come on.Copy !req
267. Hey, David. Hey, Andy.Copy !req
268. What's up? Cal, good morning.Copy !req
269. Hey, Andy. Hey.Copy !req
270. We're gonna have to get you some punani.Copy !req
271. Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be...Copy !req
272. This for you, partner, this for you.Copy !req
273. Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday.Copy !req
274. By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained.Copy !req
275. Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex.Copy !req
276. Not everybody is a pussy magnet.Copy !req
277. What are you? 25? I'm 40.Copy !req
278. Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that.Copy !req
279. Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion.Copy !req
280. Yeah.Copy !req
281. And spirit. Yeah, life's about passion.Copy !req
282. It's not about fucking and balls and pussy.Copy !req
283. It's about love. It's about people.Copy !req
284. It's about connection. It's all about connections.Copy !req
285. It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures.Copy !req
286. It's not about butthole pleasures at all.Copy !req
287. It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez.Copy !req
288. Please stop. And Cincinnati bowtie.Copy !req
289. And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls.Copy !req
290. Mooj, just please stop. Just relax—Copy !req
291. All right. That's enough, party's over.Copy !req
292. Let the virgin get back to work.Copy !req
293. Andy!Copy !req
294. Andy, come on. We were just kidding.Copy !req
295. Pointless.Copy !req
296. Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin.Copy !req
297. Don't be such a baby.Copy !req
298. They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything.Copy !req
299. Get away from me, David. Wait a minute.Copy !req
300. Stop following me! Hold up.Copy !req
301. Hold on. I'm gonna have to quit my job now.Copy !req
302. You don't have to quit your job.Copy !req
303. You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys.Copy !req
304. Fine. Okay? I don't need your help.Copy !req
305. Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want.Copy !req
306. You know what, I respect women, I love women.Copy !req
307. I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them.Copy !req
308. Okay. I have a very fulfilling life.Copy !req
309. And now, I am making your silver pants blue.Copy !req
310. Get some roadburn, come on!Copy !req
311. Come on, sucker!Copy !req
312. Now, pretty ladies around the worldCopy !req
313. Got a weird thing to show youCopy !req
314. Oh, my God!Copy !req
315. Hey, Will and Grace, back to work.Copy !req
316. Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second?Copy !req
317. We're just kind of in the middle of something.Copy !req
318. I'm on my break, okay?Copy !req
319. Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right?Copy !req
320. Fuck off? Fuck you! Fuck you!Copy !req
321. Fuck you! Fuck off. Fuck off.Copy !req
322. I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole.Copy !req
323. Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family.Copy !req
324. Watch how you talk to me!Copy !req
325. It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to.Copy !req
326. Smoke my pole.Copy !req
327. You are a very unkind man. Get inside!Copy !req
328. This is not professional.
Paula, this asshole over here...Copy !req
329. It's okay. Paula!Copy !req
330. It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just...Copy !req
331. So, how could this not have happened?Copy !req
332. It just never happened.Copy !req
333. When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen.Copy !req
334. And then I got older and I got more and more nervous...Copy !req
335. because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of...Copy !req
336. weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen...Copy !req
337. and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying.Copy !req
338. Do you want to give it another shot?Copy !req
339. Maybe it's too late.Copy !req
340. Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me.Copy !req
341. No, that's crazy.Copy !req
342. You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20.Copy !req
343. You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life...Copy !req
344. never experiencing sex?Copy !req
345. And not just sex, but love...Copy !req
346. and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit.Copy !req
347. I don't know.Copy !req
348. I wouldn't know what to do. Look, you gotta take a risk.Copy !req
349. You gotta risk it. Look at me.Copy !req
350. I went out with this girl for four months...Copy !req
351. and it was the greatest...Copy !req
352. greatest thing in my life.Copy !req
353. Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think.Copy !req
354. And, you know, instead of saying:Copy !req
355. "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?"...Copy !req
356. I dumped her. Stupid decision.Copy !req
357. I spent the last two years of my life regretting it.Copy !req
358. Why don't you get her back right now?Copy !req
359. Because she's dating this pot dealer.Copy !req
360. Stupid horrible decision.Copy !req
361. But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that.Copy !req
362. I gotta give her the space.Copy !req
363. She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody...Copy !req
364. that's love, man. It sounds horrible.Copy !req
365. Of course it's horrible. It's suffering...Copy !req
366. and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight...Copy !req
367. and then you put back on weight...Copy !req
368. and then you call them a bunch of times...Copy !req
369. and you try and email and then they move or they change their email...Copy !req
370. but that's just love.Copy !req
371. Do you realize that this is the first time...Copy !req
372. we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds?Copy !req
373. Uh-huh.Copy !req
374. It's kind of nice. Come out with us this weekend.Copy !req
375. No pressure. We'll just have a good time.Copy !req
376. Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot.Copy !req
377. Great.Copy !req
378. But I'm not going to have sex with anybody.Copy !req
379. Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind.Copy !req
380. ?I Got Ants In My Pants playing]Copy !req
381. Logjam. Hi.Copy !req
382. Shit.Copy !req
383. Oh, God.Copy !req
384. Sorry.Copy !req
385. See you later. Thanks for the dance.Copy !req
386. I'm okay. It's all right.Copy !req
387. Oh, come on, bus!Copy !req
388. Oh, come on, dogs!Copy !req
389. Shit! You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
390. I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before.Copy !req
391. Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass.Copy !req
392. What are you doing?Copy !req
393. Okay, just... We're almost there.Copy !req
394. We have one. Houston, we have one.Copy !req
395. You'll pull my fucking hair out!Copy !req
396. We did it. God!Copy !req
397. Oh, my God, you came in your pants.Copy !req
398. What did you do? I had some Cream of Wheat.Copy !req
399. You know what else is sexy? What?Copy !req
400. Me... Yeah?Copy !req
401. sucking...Copy !req
402. on your...Copy !req
403. toe.Copy !req
404. That's what you want to suck on? Yeah.Copy !req
405. It's just so big and thick. Okay.Copy !req
406. Yeah.Copy !req
407. That tickles.Copy !req
408. I'm sorry. Oh, no.Copy !req
409. Your nose is bleeding. You think?Copy !req
410. I'm sorry. I'm hot.Copy !req
411. But, now, you can't have any of this.Copy !req
412. You should just give up forever!Copy !req
413. ? Ain't No Mountain High Enough playing]Copy !req
414. Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow?Copy !req
415. No.Copy !req
416. What's Curious George like in real life?Copy !req
417. Come on, man.Copy !req
418. ?J.O.D.D. playing]Copy !req
419. Wow, this is pretty crowded.Copy !req
420. Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night.Copy !req
421. Okay, look now.Copy !req
422. So, this is what's about to happen, all right?Copy !req
423. You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right?Copy !req
424. And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk.Copy !req
425. I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees.Copy !req
426. A broken heel is a plus.Copy !req
427. That's what you want to find, okay?Copy !req
428. No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight.Copy !req
429. And now he's gone, so...Copy !req
430. Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right?Copy !req
431. You ain't got to think on this one.Copy !req
432. All you got to do is use your instinct.Copy !req
433. Show me your instincts.Copy !req
434. My head, my heart. I follow my heart.Copy !req
435. Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right?Copy !req
436. Instincts. Show me your instincts.Copy !req
437. Show me your instincts. They're right here.Copy !req
438. Own your instincts.Copy !req
439. All you doing is using your instinct. That's it.Copy !req
440. That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle.Copy !req
441. There's a code written in his DNA.Copy !req
442. It says, "Tackle the gazelle." Okay.Copy !req
443. And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says:Copy !req
444. "Tackle drunk bitches." No.Copy !req
445. You know what, I don't feel comfortable...Copy !req
446. hitting on drunk "bitches," you know.Copy !req
447. I don't think that's right.Copy !req
448. Okay, hold up.Copy !req
449. First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing.Copy !req
450. I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did.Copy !req
451. It just does... This doesn't feel right.Copy !req
452. Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work.Copy !req
453. You need to try some wrong, dawg.Copy !req
454. Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk?Copy !req
455. Now you're talking. All right, check this out.Copy !req
456. You see this redhead over here? Where?Copy !req
457. With the big old titties. I'm not gonna stare at a woman.Copy !req
458. Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody.Copy !req
459. I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me.Copy !req
460. See. Look. See? Yeah.Copy !req
461. I'm not looking at you.Copy !req
462. No. I'm looking at— You're looking at her?Copy !req
463. What do you want me to do? I want you to use your peripherals.Copy !req
464. See? I'm not looking at you.Copy !req
465. No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties.Copy !req
466. You see her, racked up right there, see her?Copy !req
467. Yes. Yeah.Copy !req
468. You find one with the peripherals. Okay.Copy !req
469. You see, over by the post.Copy !req
470. It looks like a...Copy !req
471. It's either a ficus...Copy !req
472. It might be a rubber tree plant.Copy !req
473. All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny.Copy !req
474. I see a blonde and she's very pretty.Copy !req
475. Better, okay. All right.Copy !req
476. Now with your peripherals... Yeah.Copy !req
477. you got to scope out a hot, drunk chick.Copy !req
478. And then you should make your move.Copy !req
479. Okay? All right. Yes.Copy !req
480. And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot.Copy !req
481. For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though.
All the way.Copy !req
482. All peripherals.Copy !req
483. That boy is stubborn.Copy !req
484. Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable.Copy !req
485. Can I get you another cocktail?
Too drunk.Copy !req
486. But you got the right idea. But clinically alive.Copy !req
487. Hey! Yo!Copy !req
488. I'm having trouble finding the drunk people.Copy !req
489. You want to know where there's one? Yeah.Copy !req
490. I. I, Captain Yellowshirts.Copy !req
491. Okay. Have a good one.Copy !req
492. Yo! What?Copy !req
493. I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party...Copy !req
494. and they invited us to party with them.Copy !req
495. Okay, that's good. It's so good...Copy !req
496. because no one is hornier than a girl...Copy !req
497. who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy.Copy !req
498. It's so funny.Copy !req
499. So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman...Copy !req
500. before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out.Copy !req
501. We're wigging out!Copy !req
502. You guys are hilarious.Copy !req
503. Wait a minute.Copy !req
504. Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in.Copy !req
505. Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis.Copy !req
506. I really mean this.Copy !req
507. Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake?Copy !req
508. I do.Copy !req
509. (Cal) She does. Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker.Copy !req
510. What a good guy. What a...Copy !req
511. Dan, the guy Robin's marrying...Copy !req
512. is such a good guy.Copy !req
513. He sounds like a good guy.Copy !req
514. I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me.Copy !req
515. But...Copy !req
516. he's really changed now.Copy !req
517. He's a really good guy now. Your friends seem nice.Copy !req
518. You have really kind eyes, you know that?Copy !req
519. Thanks. Your hat has sequins.Copy !req
520. Mmm.Copy !req
521. Mmm.Copy !req
522. Your hands are on my belt. What?Copy !req
523. Your hands are on my belt. I'm sorry.Copy !req
524. It's good.Copy !req
525. You're cute.Copy !req
526. This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here?Copy !req
527. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
528. Yeah. Fuck.Copy !req
529. Come on. Okay.Copy !req
530. You wanna drive?Copy !req
531. I don't have a car with me here, so...Copy !req
532. Cars just suck.Copy !req
533. I'm driving.Copy !req
534. Are you drunk?Copy !req
535. No, I didn't have anything to drink.Copy !req
536. Blow into this? Okay.Copy !req
537. What is this? The judge recommended I get one.Copy !req
538. ? Get Ur Freak On playing on car stereo]Copy !req
539. Whoa, okay. Wow. That's fast.Copy !req
540. Okay. Come on, you're in the lasso.Copy !req
541. ? Missy be puttin' it down?Copy !req
542. ? I'm the hottest round?Copy !req
543. ? I told y'all mother-uh?Copy !req
544. ? Y'all can't stop me now?Copy !req
545. ? Listen to me now?Copy !req
546. ? I'm lastin' 20 rounds?Copy !req
547. ? And if you want me, people?Copy !req
548. ? Then come on get me now?Copy !req
549. And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!"Copy !req
550. And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch."Copy !req
551. You know? Yeah.Copy !req
552. What was your name again?Copy !req
553. Andy. Andy.Copy !req
554. Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan.Copy !req
555. Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off.Copy !req
556. And he was a jerk-off.Copy !req
557. Do you know what I mean? Look out! The car!Copy !req
558. Wow. I like you.Copy !req
559. You're not a...Copy !req
560. Ugh.Copy !req
561. I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something.Copy !req
562. You're cute. No.Copy !req
563. That tasted good. That tasted like shellfish.Copy !req
564. Look out! Sorry.Copy !req
565. Watch it!Copy !req
566. Do you think I'm pretty? Oh, yes.Copy !req
567. Oh, God, yes!Copy !req
568. You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty.Copy !req
569. You're not looking at me. Yes, you're pretty.Copy !req
570. Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me.Copy !req
571. Look at me! I'm looking! You're pretty!Copy !req
572. God, I just wanna live!Copy !req
573. God, I hope I get my period soon.Copy !req
574. I am in a bad mood. Okay.Copy !req
575. I'm so tired.Copy !req
576. Hey, whoa!Copy !req
577. Oh, God! Turn away!Copy !req
578. Hey, get off the wheel.Copy !req
579. You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that.Copy !req
580. I'm starving.Copy !req
581. Let's get some fucking French toast.Copy !req
582. Okay, here we are. Oh, God, we made it.Copy !req
583. Home sweet home.Copy !req
584. Oh, mommy!Copy !req
585. Are you okay? The fucker came out of nowhere.Copy !req
586. Okay. We're okay.Copy !req
587. Are you okay?Copy !req
588. Well, are you... What's the matter?Copy !req
589. I'm sorry.Copy !req
590. That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming.Copy !req
591. I'll still have sex with you if you want.Copy !req
592. You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind.Copy !req
593. At least I don't have to work out tomorrow.Copy !req
594. Did you have a daiquiri tonight? Yeah.Copy !req
595. I thought you might.Copy !req
596. It was a very bad night.Copy !req
597. Yeah, laugh.Copy !req
598. You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now...Copy !req
599. if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth.Copy !req
600. You know what, you're right, it's my bad.Copy !req
601. Let me apologize to you first of all...Copy !req
602. for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman...Copy !req
603. who's falling down on her way out of the bar...Copy !req
604. that you should probably drive. I drive a bike.Copy !req
605. Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike?Copy !req
606. You know what, I'm not the only person in the world...Copy !req
607. who rides a bike.Copy !req
608. Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six.Copy !req
609. Why don't you kiss something?Copy !req
610. Because this is over, you guys, okay?Copy !req
611. Can I just interject for a second?Copy !req
612. Let me just say...Copy !req
613. you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal.Copy !req
614. You're just building the pussy up, man.Copy !req
615. What are you even talking about?Copy !req
616. "Building the pussy up," what does that mean?Copy !req
617. You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia...Copy !req
618. and what you're doing is...Copy !req
619. you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat.Copy !req
620. Yeah, I think you're right.Copy !req
621. I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal.Copy !req
622. Right. That's it.Copy !req
623. It's "Pussalia," right?Copy !req
624. Look where you going. I don't wanna say the word anymore.Copy !req
625. Say what word? "Pussy." I don't wanna say it.Copy !req
626. Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word.Copy !req
627. Dude! New pants, man.Copy !req
628. You know what, Dave?Copy !req
629. You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all.Copy !req
630. I'm not pressuring you. Excuse me.Copy !req
631. Can one of you guys help me, please?Copy !req
632. No hablo English, lady.Copy !req
633. I actually am helping a customer right now.Copy !req
634. Okay, well— I'm on break.Copy !req
635. But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable.Copy !req
636. He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you.Copy !req
637. Thank you.Copy !req
638. Have a nice day. You, too.Copy !req
639. Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. Hi, Andy is my name.Copy !req
640. This one looks pretty good. You don't wanna buy that VCR.Copy !req
641. I don't?Copy !req
642. No, actually to be totally honest with you...Copy !req
643. you don't wanna buy any VCR.Copy !req
644. It's a dead technology.Copy !req
645. It's like getting an eight-track player.Copy !req
646. Yeah. Or a Betamax.Copy !req
647. You know what, actually I'd recommend this one.Copy !req
648. This is a dual.
You've got the VCR and DVD combo.Copy !req
649. So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for—Copy !req
650. Six months or so? Yeah.Copy !req
651. That's good.Copy !req
652. At best. Sorry.Copy !req
653. No. As good as it gets.Copy !req
654. Okay, that sounds good, then.Copy !req
655. Okay, all right.Copy !req
656. It's perfect. Sorry.Copy !req
657. Coming through.Copy !req
658. Okay.Copy !req
659. God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street...Copy !req
660. and I've never been in this place.Copy !req
661. Really? Where at? Yeah.Copy !req
662. The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store.Copy !req
663. Yes. And that's the name?Copy !req
664. Yeah, I was looking for something...Copy !req
665. you know, obvious. So I chose that.Copy !req
666. I don't understand. So, what, you do what?Copy !req
667. Well, I take the stuff that you don't want...Copy !req
668. and then I "sell" it on eBay.Copy !req
669. But you don't actually sell anything in the store?Copy !req
670. No. I don't.Copy !req
671. So why do you have a store?Copy !req
672. I don't know.Copy !req
673. No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional...Copy !req
674. and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit.Copy !req
675. Sure. I didn't mean anything by that.Copy !req
676. No, it's okay.Copy !req
677. You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know...Copy !req
678. see it for yourself, check it out.Copy !req
679. I'll check out your empty store.Copy !req
680. Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty.Copy !req
681. Here's my number. So...Copy !req
682. All right. So, just anytime.Copy !req
683. Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though?Copy !req
684. I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just...Copy !req
685. Sorry. Just giving it to you.Copy !req
686. So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register.Copy !req
687. Okay. And check you out... Check out.Copy !req
688. Okay, see you over there. Okay.Copy !req
689. Okay.Copy !req
690. Awful chatty. Hey...Copy !req
691. Look, I think she gave me her number.Copy !req
692. She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number.Copy !req
693. No, she gave you. Dude, man.Copy !req
694. See, you still mad at me?Copy !req
695. No, I was never. Right, you see what I mean?Copy !req
696. Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah.Copy !req
697. This is pretty cool. Yeah.Copy !req
698. Unbelievable. Come on, give him some credit, man.Copy !req
699. The man pulled a number.Copy !req
700. It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened.Copy !req
701. What you did with you's own hand.Copy !req
702. Man, she just gave me her number.Copy !req
703. That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig.Copy !req
704. It is.Copy !req
705. Okay, here's a question. When should I call her?Copy !req
706. You like her? Yeah.Copy !req
707. You definitely don't want to call her.Copy !req
708. When is the next Olympics?Copy !req
709. (Jay) So what you just got to do is...Copy !req
710. just get you a bunch of these hood rats...Copy !req
711. run through them, just knock them out.Copy !req
712. Boom, boom, boom.Copy !req
713. And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats...Copy !req
714. now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho.Copy !req
715. You know what I mean? I'm not a big ho runner.Copy !req
716. My uncle used to drive a ho runner.Copy !req
717. Screw these analogies. What he's saying is...Copy !req
718. you are going to be so bad at sex the first time...Copy !req
719. you don't want to have sex with someone you like...Copy !req
720. 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it.Copy !req
721. You want to have sex with hood rats first...Copy !req
722. so that by the time you get to the girl you do like...Copy !req
723. you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it.Copy !req
724. Probably still pretty bad, though.Copy !req
725. (Jay) Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number.Copy !req
726. Way to go, man. Politicked his ass off.Copy !req
727. (Cal) You did politic. Thanks a lot.Copy !req
728. Like a train, round the bend. You ready?Copy !req
729. Yeah.Copy !req
730. I can't. Do it.Copy !req
731. I can't pee in public. Gotta do it.Copy !req
732. I've got a mental block about it.Copy !req
733. Come on, do it. I'm shy!Copy !req
734. I peed in public!Copy !req
735. Let me out. I can't hear what you're saying.Copy !req
736. I don't want to be in here. It's a soundproof room.Copy !req
737. Just learn the techniques. Right on, man.Copy !req
738. woman moaning]Copy !req
739. You guys, this is not funny!Copy !req
740. Hello.Copy !req
741. Hey, what you watching?Copy !req
742. Dawn of the Dead, man. Great.Copy !req
743. The store is slow. Paula's gone.Copy !req
744. Yo, is Paula back? No. She's not here.Copy !req
745. She said we can't watch this in here. You sure?Copy !req
746. I know. Can I ask you something in confidence?Copy !req
747. I know this is gonna sound weird.Copy !req
748. Am I good-looking?Copy !req
749. Do you think a woman will find me attractive?Copy !req
750. snarls] Oh, my God!Copy !req
751. Oh, my God, the blood just— Okay, never mind.Copy !req
752. Wait, Andy. Hold up.Copy !req
753. Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about.Copy !req
754. Are you ready for my honest answer? Yes.Copy !req
755. Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat.Copy !req
756. I don't think that anybody knows it...Copy !req
757. and I don't think anybody can see it.Copy !req
758. Well, that's why I'm asking you.Copy !req
759. You seem really well-groomed and really put together.Copy !req
760. I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident?Copy !req
761. All of this right here? Premeditated, partner.Copy !req
762. You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough.Copy !req
763. You willing to make some sacrifices?Copy !req
764. Absolutely.Copy !req
765. You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there?Copy !req
766. You need to wax that right out.Copy !req
767. Does it hurt? No. Waxing don't hurt.Copy !req
768. I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean?Copy !req
769. It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time.Copy !req
770. screaming] What the fuck!Copy !req
771. Fuck that nigger up!Copy !req
772. Bitch, get out of the room!Copy !req
773. (Jay) This is gonna be good.Copy !req
774. This the one right here, right? Hi, how are you?Copy !req
775. So this is your first time getting body waxed?Copy !req
776. Yes, it is.Copy !req
777. Take off your shirt. Okay.Copy !req
778. We're gonna need more wax.Copy !req
779. I'm staying. This is gonna be good.Copy !req
780. And clear all my appointments in the afternoon.Copy !req
781. Here we go.Copy !req
782. That feels warm.Copy !req
783. I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck?Copy !req
784. (Cal) She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here.Copy !req
785. (Jay) You gonna look good after this, man.Copy !req
786. Thanks, man.Copy !req
787. So, ready? Yeah.Copy !req
788. You fucker!Copy !req
789. I'm sorry. That's just your job.Copy !req
790. You want me to stop now? No. It's okay.Copy !req
791. Let's do another one.Copy !req
792. That one little patch looks sexy though.Copy !req
793. Does it look good? (Cal) Yeah, it looks really good.Copy !req
794. It looks man-tastic.Copy !req
795. Okay.Copy !req
796. Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that.Copy !req
797. (Jay) You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts.Copy !req
798. Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep.Copy !req
799. Okay.Copy !req
800. You ready? Yup.Copy !req
801. Sucker motherfucker!Copy !req
802. You shithead! I hate you!Copy !req
803. I hate you so much!Copy !req
804. That one hurt.Copy !req
805. That one hurt just as much as the first one.Copy !req
806. That's great, man. Man!Copy !req
807. One, two, three.Copy !req
808. Fuck me!Copy !req
809. In the asshole!Copy !req
810. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
811. I really don't swear this much.Copy !req
812. You know what, I got a weak stomach.Copy !req
813. That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll.Copy !req
814. Jay. Be tough, Andy, you got it.Copy !req
815. Where did Jay go? He went to throw up.Copy !req
816. Ready? Yup.Copy !req
817. One, two.Copy !req
818. Cocksucker motherfucker!Copy !req
819. You pulled on two.Copy !req
820. Why didn't you pull on three?Copy !req
821. Freddy pie hole!Copy !req
822. No! Kelly Clarkson!Copy !req
823. Ya'll done or ya'll—Copy !req
824. That's fucked up. Oh, shit falls!Copy !req
825. That's fucked up.Copy !req
826. I hate you.Copy !req
827. Stop smiling, you jerk!Copy !req
828. You pussy.Copy !req
829. Oh, God. What's next?Copy !req
830. You're doing the nipple. (Cal) Not the nipple.Copy !req
831. Come on. Not the nipple.Copy !req
832. Please, Cal, hold my hand.Copy !req
833. You kidding me, man? Hold my goddamn hand, man.Copy !req
834. Do it! Just hold. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
835. Ready?Copy !req
836. No. Yup.Copy !req
837. One, two, three.Copy !req
838. Nipple fuck!Copy !req
839. Mika, you should burn in hell!Copy !req
840. Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done.Copy !req
841. I think we're done. I think that's good.Copy !req
842. You know what, guys...Copy !req
843. this is not a good look for me!Copy !req
844. You look like a man-o'-lantern.Copy !req
845. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you.Copy !req
846. (Cal) Thank you very much. You're welcome.Copy !req
847. Thank you. Thanks.Copy !req
848. Andy, I owe you an apology, man.Copy !req
849. I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years.Copy !req
850. You were nice to me.Copy !req
851. No, I was... I thought you were really boring and...Copy !req
852. I kind of thought you were a serial killer.Copy !req
853. I'm not joking.Copy !req
854. Hey! Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
855. Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these.Copy !req
856. I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine.Copy !req
857. Yeah. It will be fine. We couldn't break this...Copy !req
858. if we tried. No problem.Copy !req
859. Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay?Copy !req
860. Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay?Copy !req
861. Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there.Copy !req
862. There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man.Copy !req
863. Something wrong with her underpants.Copy !req
864. (Cal) Yeah, they're not in my mouth.Copy !req
865. You know, I kind of...Copy !req
866. like the woman from the eBay store.Copy !req
867. That's great, but...Copy !req
868. you're not gonna get with anyone...Copy !req
869. unless you play the odds on this, man.Copy !req
870. You need to plant a lot of seeds.Copy !req
871. It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized...Copy !req
872. that the more seeds I planted... Thank you.Copy !req
873. the more pot I could ultimately smoke.Copy !req
874. I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now.Copy !req
875. Don't get bitter.Copy !req
876. I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay?Copy !req
877. That was Jay's idea, okay?Copy !req
878. And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is...Copy !req
879. like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay?Copy !req
880. Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me.Copy !req
881. I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards...Copy !req
882. but I get with women.Copy !req
883. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?Copy !req
884. I am not ugly as fuck.Copy !req
885. I didn't say you were ugly as—Copy !req
886. Well, you implied it. Okay.Copy !req
887. It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit.Copy !req
888. It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that...Copy !req
889. because I observe, because I am a novelist.Copy !req
890. What? You never told me that before.Copy !req
891. That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy.Copy !req
892. Okay? The problem most men have is...Copy !req
893. they don't know how to talk to women.Copy !req
894. You know what my problem is? I am not interesting.Copy !req
895. What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?"Copy !req
896. "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?"Copy !req
897. "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master."Copy !req
898. Do me, yo-yo master.Copy !req
899. I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy.Copy !req
900. Are you done? Listen.Copy !req
901. The problem most men have is...Copy !req
902. they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women.Copy !req
903. Just ask a question, okay? That's it.Copy !req
904. Because women do not care about what you have to say...Copy !req
905. at all anyway, you know.Copy !req
906. And all they want to do is talk about themselves.Copy !req
907. So you're just gonna let them do that.Copy !req
908. Okay? So remember.Copy !req
909. Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick.Copy !req
910. Here, be David Caruso in Jade.Copy !req
911. Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about.Copy !req
912. You do. That's good.Copy !req
913. (Cal) There she is.Copy !req
914. Go plant that seed, man.Copy !req
915. Plant it with your finger.Copy !req
916. Can I help you?Copy !req
917. I don't know. Can you?Copy !req
918. Are you looking for something?Copy !req
919. Is there something I should be looking for?Copy !req
920. We have a lot of books.Copy !req
921. So, maybe it depends on what you like.Copy !req
922. What do you like?Copy !req
923. We have a great section of...Copy !req
924. do-it-yourself.Copy !req
925. Do you like to "do it yourself"?Copy !req
926. Sometimes. I mean...Copy !req
927. if the mood strikes.Copy !req
928. How is the mood striking you now?Copy !req
929. What's your name?Copy !req
930. What's your name?Copy !req
931. I'm Beth.Copy !req
932. Andy.Copy !req
933. Andy.Copy !req
934. Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? I wont.Copy !req
935. Unless you want to be told on...Copy !req
936. Beth.Copy !req
937. Wow. That totally worked!Copy !req
938. I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating.Copy !req
939. I would've thought you were doing that for years.Copy !req
940. Should I have asked her out? No. That's the key.Copy !req
941. You wait for it to grow into a plant...Copy !req
942. and then you fuck the plant.Copy !req
943. Okay.Copy !req
944. This is easy.Copy !req
945. All right.Copy !req
946. Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on?Copy !req
947. Good joke.Copy !req
948. This is a fun conversation.Copy !req
949. Just grow a backbone and call her.Copy !req
950. She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her.Copy !req
951. Hello.Copy !req
952. Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
953. How you doing? I'm well.Copy !req
954. Who is this?Copy !req
955. This is James. James. Do I know you, James?Copy !req
956. I was wondering whether you had a few minutes...Copy !req
957. to talk about a little laundry detergent.Copy !req
958. Are you a telemarketer, James?Copy !req
959. Yep.Copy !req
960. Are you at the top of a tall building?Copy !req
961. Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off!Copy !req
962. I mean, you people are sick.Copy !req
963. Get a real fucking job, why don't you?Copy !req
964. Go shoot yourself in the fucking head.Copy !req
965. Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it?Copy !req
966. Why don't you do that, huh?Copy !req
967. Okay. I'll see you later, James.Copy !req
968. Nice to talk to you. Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye.Copy !req
969. Oh.Copy !req
970. Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you.Copy !req
971. Can I come in? Yeah.Copy !req
972. Sweet video game chair.Copy !req
973. So what's in the box?Copy !req
974. It's my personal collection of erotica.Copy !req
975. I want to give it to you.Copy !req
976. I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up...Copy !req
977. Pandora's box of love.Copy !req
978. Okay.Copy !req
979. Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter...Copy !req
980. and we'd put it on the television...Copy !req
981. and then act it out as it was going on...Copy !req
982. and it was...Copy !req
983. She's adorable.Copy !req
984. Fucking bitch.Copy !req
985. Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind...Copy !req
986. and generous and everything.Copy !req
987. But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment.Copy !req
988. There's some really great stuff in here.Copy !req
989. Really great movies in here, man.Copy !req
990. Hey, did you ever see School of Rock?Copy !req
991. Yeah. Well, this is...Copy !req
992. It's called School of...Copy !req
993. You know...Copy !req
994. That's nice. But it stars Jack Black Cock.Copy !req
995. That makes sense.Copy !req
996. Dude, here it is.Copy !req
997. Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made.Copy !req
998. All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003.Copy !req
999. I think you'd really dig it. Yeah. Now I can see that.Copy !req
1000. This is...Copy !req
1001. Everybody Loves Raymond.Copy !req
1002. That's probably not supposed to be...Copy !req
1003. This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes.Copy !req
1004. Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave.Copy !req
1005. I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much.Copy !req
1006. What, masturbate? Yeah.Copy !req
1007. Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here.Copy !req
1008. Are you kidding me? Why not? It's not a hobby of mine.Copy !req
1009. Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have.Copy !req
1010. No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about—Copy !req
1011. You need to. You're wound up.Copy !req
1012. You're like one of these action figures...Copy !req
1013. all hermetically sealed in your box.Copy !req
1014. You gotta play with— Don't!Copy !req
1015. Don't take it out!Copy !req
1016. I'm sorry. You know what, it's just...Copy !req
1017. It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging.Copy !req
1018. I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it.Copy !req
1019. Take your porn with you. I'm not taking it.Copy !req
1020. Take your box-o-porn.Copy !req
1021. It's my gift to you. No. I don't want it.Copy !req
1022. David, it's not...Copy !req
1023. Andy, for the last time...Copy !req
1024. I don't want your giant box of pornography.Copy !req
1025. No, no, no! Come on, man.Copy !req
1026. So uncool.Copy !req
1027. Uncool?Copy !req
1028. Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy.Copy !req
1029. For the last time, I don't want to watch...
School of Cock with you.Copy !req
1030. ? Hello playing]Copy !req
1031. It's nothing official.Copy !req
1032. Just a little token of my appreciation.Copy !req
1033. woman moaning]Copy !req
1034. Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you.Copy !req
1035. I want to have lots of sexy sex with you.Copy !req
1036. I want to touch your big, fat noodle...Copy !req
1037. 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you.Copy !req
1038. I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy.Copy !req
1039. I want to do lots of, lots of sexy...Copy !req
1040. hot things with you. Shit.Copy !req
1041. This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say...Copy !req
1042. because I am you.Copy !req
1043. Okay. New tape.Copy !req
1044. Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault.Copy !req
1045. Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that.Copy !req
1046. You do. She's not my mother.Copy !req
1047. I heard Dave gave you the box of porn.Copy !req
1048. Yeah, he did.Copy !req
1049. You ever watch, like, Primetime Live...Copy !req
1050. when they take a black light into a hotel room...Copy !req
1051. and show you all the semen all over the bedspread?Copy !req
1052. Yeah.Copy !req
1053. You blind someone with that box.Copy !req
1054. Could see that thing from space.Copy !req
1055. This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs.Copy !req
1056. I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screen...Copy !req
1057. Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here.Copy !req
1058. I think he might be fooling us all, though.
Really?Copy !req
1059. I actually think he might be, like, some genius...Copy !req
1060. and this is like some big, like, hilarious...Copy !req
1061. Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit...Copy !req
1062. so he told us all he's a virgin.Copy !req
1063. You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there.Copy !req
1064. You're just projecting all over him.Copy !req
1065. He might be an idiot savant...Copy !req
1066. but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep.Copy !req
1067. But he's got a great body.Copy !req
1068. Would you fuck him? In a New York minute.Copy !req
1069. You would fuck him? Absolutely.Copy !req
1070. Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch?Copy !req
1071. I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich.Copy !req
1072. We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us.Copy !req
1073. There's this great place. A lot of cute girls.Copy !req
1074. I don't know. Okay.Copy !req
1075. We brought you a shirt.Copy !req
1076. This place is pretty fancy.Copy !req
1077. Something going on?Copy !req
1078. Hey, who's ready to have some fun?Copy !req
1079. Hey, guys...Copy !req
1080. No, don't ignore me. I know what this is.Copy !req
1081. Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates.Copy !req
1082. Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live.Copy !req
1083. All right, ninja master.Copy !req
1084. We've given you all the advice we have to give.Copy !req
1085. Now you gonna put it in action.Copy !req
1086. Advice? You guys all gave me different advice.Copy !req
1087. He thinks you're a pothead. I am.Copy !req
1088. Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about?Copy !req
1089. You asked for this shit. No, I didn't.Copy !req
1090. Will you just quit whining like a bitch?Copy !req
1091. I'm not whining like a bitch. You are whining like a bitch.Copy !req
1092. And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day.Copy !req
1093. I don't want to cram pimpage. And after that...Copy !req
1094. you on my level. Come on.Copy !req
1095. (Cal) Just ask questions. This is a bad idea.Copy !req
1096. Hi. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
1097. I'm fine.Copy !req
1098. Are you fine?Copy !req
1099. Yeah.Copy !req
1100. You're fine then?Copy !req
1101. Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you?Copy !req
1102. Do you want me to be fucking retarded?Copy !req
1103. When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents...Copy !req
1104. and they are smiling and saying:Copy !req
1105. "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child"...Copy !req
1106. it was worth it.Copy !req
1107. Amy...Copy !req
1108. what are you doing here? David.Copy !req
1109. And you are Gina? Gina.Copy !req
1110. Hey, what's up? Nothing.Copy !req
1111. Look, I'm going to be real honest with you.Copy !req
1112. It's been a long time since I've been with a man.Copy !req
1113. Spent a lot of time with the ladies.Copy !req
1114. Looking to get back up on that pogo stick.Copy !req
1115. You know what I'm saying? Excuse me.Copy !req
1116. Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms?Copy !req
1117. Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please.Copy !req
1118. It's so creepy. Let's go to Paris.Copy !req
1119. I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you.Copy !req
1120. Cut it out. Cut what out?Copy !req
1121. This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man.Copy !req
1122. I don't want to date you anymore.Copy !req
1123. You're a whore. I am not a whore.Copy !req
1124. I just didn't like you.Copy !req
1125. This is so us.Copy !req
1126. Psycho talk. What?Copy !req
1127. You're a good-looking man. Thank you.Copy !req
1128. Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features.Copy !req
1129. You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me...Copy !req
1130. because that would be a simple sort of transition.Copy !req
1131. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
1132. Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back.Copy !req
1133. You game? No.Copy !req
1134. You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay?Copy !req
1135. Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy.Copy !req
1136. I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number.Copy !req
1137. He's practically stalking me.Copy !req
1138. Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1139. I love Minnesota.Copy !req
1140. I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis...Copy !req
1141. with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small.Copy !req
1142. Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes.Copy !req
1143. What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city.Copy !req
1144. Really... God, yes.Copy !req
1145. The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean...Copy !req
1146. you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime.Copy !req
1147. I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other...Copy !req
1148. and just, you know, feel completely safe.Copy !req
1149. (Jay) You suppose he's had enough?Copy !req
1150. Spank bank has once again been filled.Copy !req
1151. (Cal) I'll tell you who's the hottest.Copy !req
1152. You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina.Copy !req
1153. Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week.Copy !req
1154. You know what's a fun game? Huh?Copy !req
1155. You take three Excedrin PMs...Copy !req
1156. and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep.Copy !req
1157. You always win is the best part about the game.Copy !req
1158. Are you Andy? Yeah.Copy !req
1159. Is this yours? Did you write this stuff?Copy !req
1160. My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card.Copy !req
1161. Yeah, right.Copy !req
1162. God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card.Copy !req
1163. Thank you so much for bringing it to me.Copy !req
1164. So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like...Copy !req
1165. she was "hurting for a squirting"?Copy !req
1166. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that.Copy !req
1167. So you wrote "ho fo show."Copy !req
1168. Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho.Copy !req
1169. Fo show.Copy !req
1170. Let me show you how this device works.Copy !req
1171. Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone.Copy !req
1172. Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries...Copy !req
1173. Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great.Copy !req
1174. I feel fantastic since we broke up.Copy !req
1175. I feel awesome!Copy !req
1176. Can you just show me the department where there would be phones?Copy !req
1177. How have you been? What's been going on...Copy !req
1178. I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this?Copy !req
1179. Sir, please, sir.Copy !req
1180. You are never gonna meet anybody...Copy !req
1181. with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch.Copy !req
1182. Who the fuck are you to put me on trial?Copy !req
1183. I've never even met you.Copy !req
1184. So why don't you back the shit off, all right?Copy !req
1185. And stop with the inquisition.Copy !req
1186. That's how you talk?Copy !req
1187. You know what, I don't have to answer to you.Copy !req
1188. You ain't my bitch.Copy !req
1189. Know what I saying?Copy !req
1190. So, shit, man. Fuck it.Copy !req
1191. You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert.Copy !req
1192. I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it.Copy !req
1193. I tried to introduce him to a few nice people...Copy !req
1194. he made a fool of himself.Copy !req
1195. I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me.Copy !req
1196. You should keep your ho on a leash.Copy !req
1197. Bro, I can't let you— Hey.Copy !req
1198. I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg.Copy !req
1199. Know what I'm saying? Bitch is running wild, man.Copy !req
1200. You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man.Copy !req
1201. That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club.Copy !req
1202. Maybe to a night club.Copy !req
1203. Hey, Andy...Copy !req
1204. take a look at your pal. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1205. Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy.Copy !req
1206. Isn't that sweet?Copy !req
1207. I'm gonna send David home for the day...Copy !req
1208. and you're gonna fill in for him.Copy !req
1209. What? Selling things? You got that right.Copy !req
1210. I don't think that's a good idea.Copy !req
1211. And you're gonna have to talk to people, too.Copy !req
1212. I know that's a frightening concept to you...Copy !req
1213. but I think you can handle it.Copy !req
1214. So get out there and start selling some shit.Copy !req
1215. thing for Amy.Copy !req
1216. Hold it. Check it out.Copy !req
1217. I miss her.Copy !req
1218. ? music playing]Copy !req
1219. Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac.Copy !req
1220. All you got to do is go make your pick now.Copy !req
1221. Come on, man. Okay.Copy !req
1222. And you could act a little enthused about it.Copy !req
1223. Yeah.Copy !req
1224. (Jay) That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top.Copy !req
1225. (Jay) Oh, shit. Hi.Copy !req
1226. Looks like you're checking out digital cameras.Copy !req
1227. You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly.Copy !req
1228. No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more.Copy !req
1229. Yo, Andy. Yeah.Copy !req
1230. What's up, dude? This is Jay, man.Copy !req
1231. Hey, Jay.Copy !req
1232. I am throwing a party tonight.Copy !req
1233. It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up.Copy !req
1234. Now, you really need to be there.Copy !req
1235. It's gonna be really, really colorful.Copy !req
1236. Are you free?Copy !req
1237. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
1238. That was a joke, man. I know you're free.Copy !req
1239. I'm okay. Gotta go, man.Copy !req
1240. All right, bye.Copy !req
1241. So, tell me, Montel...Copy !req
1242. why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, AI-Qaeda?Copy !req
1243. No, hold up.Copy !req
1244. No, no. It's not that kind of party, y'all.Copy !req
1245. You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay?Copy !req
1246. Fuck you, okay?Copy !req
1247. First of all, it ain't that kind of party.Copy !req
1248. Go fuck a goat. Yeah.Copy !req
1249. Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man?Copy !req
1250. Fuck a goat!Copy !req
1251. ? music playing on stereo]Copy !req
1252. Hello?Copy !req
1253. Hello?Copy !req
1254. Hello.Copy !req
1255. Hello. Hi.Copy !req
1256. Are you here for Jay's party? Yes.Copy !req
1257. I am Jay's party.Copy !req
1258. You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man.Copy !req
1259. What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite.Copy !req
1260. What are you talking about?Copy !req
1261. She was really nice, incidentally.Copy !req
1262. If that sister was a transvestite...Copy !req
1263. that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites.Copy !req
1264. You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you?Copy !req
1265. You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her.Copy !req
1266. Get a dick, man.Copy !req
1267. Do you guys even like me?Copy !req
1268. Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on?Copy !req
1269. Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person.Copy !req
1270. I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but...Copy !req
1271. I think that he's rocking the shit in this one.Copy !req
1272. Shut up, Dave!Copy !req
1273. Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute.Copy !req
1274. Look at him. He is such a bad ass.Copy !req
1275. He looks just like Luke Wilson.Copy !req
1276. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1277. So you saying she was definitely a man?Copy !req
1278. Yes.Copy !req
1279. Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man?Copy !req
1280. Because her hands were as big as Andre the Giant's.Copy !req
1281. And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls.Copy !req
1282. So you have no proof.Copy !req
1283. You know what? Just leave me alone.Copy !req
1284. Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula...Copy !req
1285. that you're all stealing the recordable CDs.Copy !req
1286. Come on. That's like we were paid to do it.Copy !req
1287. We did this 'cause we're your friends...Copy !req
1288. and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself.Copy !req
1289. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
1290. Okay, watch this.Copy !req
1291. Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man.Copy !req
1292. That's a third strike for me, dawg.Copy !req
1293. Hi.Copy !req
1294. Andy. Hi. Right, yeah.Copy !req
1295. You remember my name. I did.Copy !req
1296. How you doing? I'm great. I like your store.Copy !req
1297. That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's...Copy !req
1298. Okay.Copy !req
1299. How's business been?Copy !req
1300. You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while.Copy !req
1301. Do you want to go out sometime? Yes.Copy !req
1302. Yes, I would like that. That would be great.Copy !req
1303. I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay.Copy !req
1304. Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up.Copy !req
1305. Okay. Great. Great.Copy !req
1306. Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good.Copy !req
1307. How you doing? Congratulations.Copy !req
1308. Okay, so I'll... Yeah.Copy !req
1309. Can I help you?Copy !req
1310. Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these.Copy !req
1311. Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up.Copy !req
1312. Funny.Copy !req
1313. Yeah, they are. Yeah.Copy !req
1314. Yeah. They're cute.Copy !req
1315. I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay.Copy !req
1316. I don't get it.Copy !req
1317. Okay.Copy !req
1318. Can you help me? No, you're on your own here.Copy !req
1319. Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call.Copy !req
1320. Great. Nice to see you. Great. Thanks for coming in.Copy !req
1321. Bye.Copy !req
1322. So, I guess I'll just give you some money...Copy !req
1323. and you can give me these shoes and...Copy !req
1324. You know, I know it seems so strange—Copy !req
1325. Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up.Copy !req
1326. Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but—Copy !req
1327. I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me.Copy !req
1328. I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house...Copy !req
1329. so I can wear them.Copy !req
1330. (Cal) I got a corpse in my way.
Look out. Just kill it.Copy !req
1331. That's just so not fair that you have blades and...Copy !req
1332. I'm telling you, man, I feel great.Copy !req
1333. I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted.Copy !req
1334. Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know?Copy !req
1335. Look at him. He looks younger than all of us...Copy !req
1336. but he's 10 years older.Copy !req
1337. Why? Because he's never had a relationship.Copy !req
1338. No she-devil sucked his life force out yet.Copy !req
1339. Hello? Hey. Hi. Hello.Copy !req
1340. Is this Trish?Copy !req
1341. Who's calling, please? This is Andy.Copy !req
1342. Hi, Andy. Hi, how you doing?Copy !req
1343. I'm good. How're you doing? I'm doing great.Copy !req
1344. (Cal) So you're gay, now?
No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate.Copy !req
1345. I think... I mean, that sounds gay.Copy !req
1346. I just want you to know that this is the first conversation...Copy !req
1347. of three conversations that leads to you being gay.Copy !req
1348. There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know...Copy !req
1349. "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys."Copy !req
1350. And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now."Copy !req
1351. You're gay for saying that. I'm gay for saying that?Copy !req
1352. You know how I know you're gay? How? How do you know I'm gay?Copy !req
1353. 'Cause you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.Copy !req
1354. You know how I know you're gay?Copy !req
1355. You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore.Copy !req
1356. - You know how I know you're gay?
- How?Copy !req
1357. 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are?Copy !req
1358. Do you know how I know you're gay? How?Copy !req
1359. You like Coldplay.Copy !req
1360. You're dead.Copy !req
1361. Come on.Copy !req
1362. Leave my torso alone at least.Copy !req
1363. I also wanted to call...Copy !req
1364. and see what night you might want to go out.Copy !req
1365. I'm actually free tonight.Copy !req
1366. Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay.Copy !req
1367. Great.Copy !req
1368. Okay, what time do you want to pick me up?Copy !req
1369. Let's see.Copy !req
1370. That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike.Copy !req
1371. That's cool. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1372. I love getting on the back of a motorcycle.Copy !req
1373. My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle.Copy !req
1374. So, I mean, I'm cool.Copy !req
1375. Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle.Copy !req
1376. You know how I know that you're gay?Copy !req
1377. How?Copy !req
1378. You like the movie Maid in Manhattan.Copy !req
1379. You know how I know you're gay? How?Copy !req
1380. I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.Copy !req
1381. You know how I know you're gay? How?Copy !req
1382. You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says:Copy !req
1383. "I love it when balls are in my face."Copy !req
1384. That's gay?Copy !req
1385. God damn it!Copy !req
1386. I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off.Copy !req
1387. And now I'm throwing it at your body.Copy !req
1388. Fuck you!Copy !req
1389. You guys...Copy !req
1390. she's picking me up in an hour.Copy !req
1391. Oh, drag, dude.Copy !req
1392. She's picking you up from here? Yeah.Copy !req
1393. That's fucked up, man.Copy !req
1394. Why? Why?Copy !req
1395. Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man.Copy !req
1396. You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know?Copy !req
1397. What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look.Copy !req
1398. He's got a billion toys. So what?Copy !req
1399. And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid.Copy !req
1400. It's all right.Copy !req
1401. Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?Copy !req
1402. It's Oscar Goldman.Copy !req
1403. Why do you have that? That's worth a lot of money.Copy !req
1404. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin.Copy !req
1405. Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay?Copy !req
1406. I'm not trying to be sexy, man.Copy !req
1407. I mean, seriously, Asia?Copy !req
1408. You framed an Asia poster?Copy !req
1409. How hard did the people at the frame store laugh...Copy !req
1410. when you brought this in? They did not laugh at me.Copy !req
1411. Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia.Copy !req
1412. You guys cool it with the gay.Copy !req
1413. You know, she's on her way over here, okay?Copy !req
1414. First, you relax, okay?Copy !req
1415. Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do.Copy !req
1416. Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing...Copy !req
1417. and we move it out of here.Copy !req
1418. So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch.Copy !req
1419. Hi. Hi. How are you?Copy !req
1420. Good.Copy !req
1421. So, you wanna head out?Copy !req
1422. Did you just move in or something?Copy !req
1423. No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in.Copy !req
1424. I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so...Copy !req
1425. Well, you know. Yeah.Copy !req
1426. Okay. Looks good with the floors.Copy !req
1427. Yeah. All right.Copy !req
1428. I should tear up the hard wood...Copy !req
1429. and see if there's carpet underneath.Copy !req
1430. That's never the case.Copy !req
1431. This is gonna be fun. Yes.Copy !req
1432. You know, I drive by this place every day.Copy !req
1433. I've never been in before.Copy !req
1434. I'm glad you came.Copy !req
1435. You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you.Copy !req
1436. I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life...Copy !req
1437. at my own peril.Copy !req
1438. My last boyfriend drank a lot.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1439. And so— This is just punch.Copy !req
1440. No, it's okay. A little bit's fine.Copy !req
1441. Buddha punch. I need some Buddha.Copy !req
1442. Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team...Copy !req
1443. and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please?Copy !req
1444. ?Copy !req
1445. That was so good. What? That was great. Happy birthday.Copy !req
1446. It's your birthday, too? No.Copy !req
1447. It's his birthday, too. No, no, no.Copy !req
1448. Could you sing for him and bring him a cake?Copy !req
1449. (man) Happy birthday.Copy !req
1450. ?Copy !req
1451. Thanks a lot. Happy birthday, Andy.Copy !req
1452. You really like kissing, don't you? Yes.Copy !req
1453. I really do.Copy !req
1454. Take off your pants, okay?Copy !req
1455. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
1456. Wow, this is really gonna happen. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1457. Thank God.Copy !req
1458. Okay, I'm taking off my pants. Yeah.Copy !req
1459. Do you need some help?Copy !req
1460. I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle.Copy !req
1461. Wow, that's...Copy !req
1462. Hey, wait. Do you have protection?Copy !req
1463. I don't like guns.Copy !req
1464. That's funny.Copy !req
1465. I have condoms right here. Okay?Copy !req
1466. Okay. There's, you know...Copy !req
1467. Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married.Copy !req
1468. And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay?Copy !req
1469. Okay.Copy !req
1470. I got them.Copy !req
1471. How does this go?Copy !req
1472. Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base."Copy !req
1473. Over the balls?Copy !req
1474. It doesn't say.Copy !req
1475. Do you mind if I use your magnum?Copy !req
1476. Yeah.Copy !req
1477. Wow. You got to be kidding.Copy !req
1478. I am Aquaman.Copy !req
1479. What is that?Copy !req
1480. Mom?Copy !req
1481. What's going on here?Copy !req
1482. Who the hell are you? It's Andy.Copy !req
1483. Hi, I'm Andy.Copy !req
1484. God! What are you doing?Copy !req
1485. Marla, get the fuck out of my room!Copy !req
1486. You know what—Copy !req
1487. I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not!Copy !req
1488. That is so unfair. I'm gonna head out.Copy !req
1489. You should go.Copy !req
1490. Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it?Copy !req
1491. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1492. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
1493. Dude, teach me.Copy !req
1494. (man) Hotline.Copy !req
1495. Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours...Copy !req
1496. and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours.Copy !req
1497. How much of the medicine have you taken, sir?Copy !req
1498. I haven't taken any, but your ad said...Copy !req
1499. that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call.Copy !req
1500. You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine.Copy !req
1501. Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part.Copy !req
1502. Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call.Copy !req
1503. Right. I'm sorry. Right.Copy !req
1504. So, there's nothing you can do?Copy !req
1505. I just don't wanna... There's nothing I can do.Copy !req
1506. I'm in Bombay, India.Copy !req
1507. Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want...Copy !req
1508. I just don't want to have an erection anymore.Copy !req
1509. You know, you could have sex.
Okay. Yup.Copy !req
1510. That's one thing people do when they have an erection.Copy !req
1511. Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex.Copy !req
1512. Okay, well, then you can masturbate.Copy !req
1513. I'd rather not masturbate.Copy !req
1514. If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match...Copy !req
1515. blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist.Copy !req
1516. And that will focus the brain elsewhere...Copy !req
1517. and you will lose your erection. Really? That'd work?Copy !req
1518. Take your finger and flick your testicle...Copy !req
1519. and if you do that till it hurts...Copy !req
1520. your erection will go away. Okay, all right.Copy !req
1521. It sounds unpleasant and it is.Copy !req
1522. It is a trick we use in India.Copy !req
1523. Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it.Copy !req
1524. We appreciate your business.Copy !req
1525. Oh, no. We didn't get your business—Copy !req
1526. No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you.Copy !req
1527. My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman.Copy !req
1528. Thank you. Gosh, you really got it down.Copy !req
1529. Thanks. And your numbers are good.
Thanks.Copy !req
1530. I'm going to put you out on the floor full time.Copy !req
1531. Really? Yeah.
Wow. Okay.Copy !req
1532. Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right?Copy !req
1533. Great. Thanks.Copy !req
1534. You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem.Copy !req
1535. I think I might have a solution for you.Copy !req
1536. You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"?Copy !req
1537. What?Copy !req
1538. It's a special friend...Copy !req
1539. who you fuck.Copy !req
1540. No, haven't heard that term.Copy !req
1541. When I was a little girl, I developed early.Copy !req
1542. By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at.Copy !req
1543. Can you imagine that? I don't want to, no.Copy !req
1544. Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention.Copy !req
1545. Like men, yes.Copy !req
1546. Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier.Copy !req
1547. Okay.Copy !req
1548. You know, Javier...Copy !req
1549. before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time...Copy !req
1550. he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song.Copy !req
1551. Really, that's...Copy !req
1552. That sounds nice.Copy !req
1553. ?Copy !req
1554. Okay.Copy !req
1555. My goodness.Copy !req
1556. I think we better get back to work. Yeah.Copy !req
1557. Yeah, I better go back to work. Yeah.Copy !req
1558. So, okay. All right.Copy !req
1559. So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon.Copy !req
1560. All right, I will. Thank you. Okay.Copy !req
1561. What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish?Copy !req
1562. It was a disaster. Really?Copy !req
1563. Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life.Copy !req
1564. Couldn't get the condoms to work.Copy !req
1565. And one of them exploded on my balls.Copy !req
1566. And then her kid walked in the room.
Wait. Hold up.Copy !req
1567. She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?Copy !req
1568. You know what, it doesn't matter...Copy !req
1569. because it was going downhill straight from there.Copy !req
1570. Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama.Copy !req
1571. Trust me on this one, all right?Copy !req
1572. For all you know, he in prison right now.Copy !req
1573. Let's say y'all living together.Copy !req
1574. Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1st and the 15th...Copy !req
1575. to pick up the government check.Copy !req
1576. What if he got boys that's on the outside...Copy !req
1577. and they stalking you?Copy !req
1578. You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner—Copy !req
1579. What the fuck are you talking about?Copy !req
1580. Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin.Copy !req
1581. You test her with this shit, okay?Copy !req
1582. Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me.Copy !req
1583. I'm a virgin. Sweet.Copy !req
1584. I like that because you don't have chlamydia.Copy !req
1585. And I know that, and that shit is everywhere.Copy !req
1586. What if she laughs at me, though?Copy !req
1587. Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs.Copy !req
1588. I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet.Copy !req
1589. No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally.Copy !req
1590. She's different. She's someone I felt like I had...Copy !req
1591. a connection with.Copy !req
1592. All you trying to do right now is bust off this first night.Copy !req
1593. You got a whole lot of semen back up in you.Copy !req
1594. I am going to tell her.Copy !req
1595. You should totally tell her, man. I'm going to.Copy !req
1596. 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar...Copy !req
1597. and the message was, "Don't lie."Copy !req
1598. And that was a smart movie.Copy !req
1599. Yeah, that's the right thing. Yeah.Copy !req
1600. Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too?Copy !req
1601. That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that.Copy !req
1602. I think my first time might be your best time, too.Copy !req
1603. Well, I knew it. You know what...Copy !req
1604. I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that...Copy !req
1605. you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter...Copy !req
1606. with all the compassion and care that someone...Copy !req
1607. would give to their soul mate.Copy !req
1608. Oh, my God. I'm in trouble.Copy !req
1609. Hey, Andy.Copy !req
1610. (Joe) You watching Survivor tonight?Copy !req
1611. No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody.
Hi.Copy !req
1612. This is her.Copy !req
1613. Trish, this is Joe and Sara. Hi.Copy !req
1614. Hi, Trish. Hey.Copy !req
1615. But tape it for me, okay?Copy !req
1616. Will do. All right. Thanks.Copy !req
1617. So long. Bye-bye.Copy !req
1618. See you later. Have a good night.Copy !req
1619. Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight.
Yes, sir.Copy !req
1620. Yeah, and you better get on me, too.Copy !req
1621. What is wrong with this woman?Copy !req
1622. Mercy, mercy, mercy.Copy !req
1623. I'm so sorry that happened the other night.
No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1624. Oh, my God. That was me.Copy !req
1625. No.Copy !req
1626. Let me... I have something I want to tell you.Copy !req
1627. Kind of hard to talk about.Copy !req
1628. But...Copy !req
1629. you know, there are certain things...Copy !req
1630. about who I am that...Copy !req
1631. I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest.Copy !req
1632. I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids.Copy !req
1633. Yeah, what was that about?Copy !req
1634. Gosh. You know, that really surprised me.Copy !req
1635. No, you should have told me probably, but—
I'm sorry. I know.Copy !req
1636. What do I care if you have a kid?Copy !req
1637. Well, I have two kids.Copy !req
1638. Wow. Okay. How old are they?Copy !req
1639. Six.Copy !req
1640. Sixteen.Copy !req
1641. Twenty-one.Copy !req
1642. Forty-two.Copy !req
1643. Fifty-six. How many kids do you have?Copy !req
1644. I have three. Okay, three.Copy !req
1645. Yeah, and one of them has a kid.Copy !req
1646. A one-year-old.Copy !req
1647. That's cool. That's great.Copy !req
1648. I'm really glad we're doing this. Me, too.Copy !req
1649. Listen, Andy...Copy !req
1650. I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but...Copy !req
1651. I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then...Copy !req
1652. maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while.Copy !req
1653. That is a fantastic idea.Copy !req
1654. Why didn't I think of that?Copy !req
1655. Really? Totally.Copy !req
1656. No sex? No. Why do that?Copy !req
1657. Because here's the thing.Copy !req
1658. From personal experience...Copy !req
1659. I found that sex can really complicate things.Copy !req
1660. And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other.
Yeah.Copy !req
1661. Well, I never thought you'd go for it.Copy !req
1662. I'm going for it.Copy !req
1663. Well, that just is a great, great notion.Copy !req
1664. Are you serious?Copy !req
1665. Look at my face. Look at how serious I am.Copy !req
1666. Can you see my nostrils?Copy !req
1667. Yes. That's serious.Copy !req
1668. That's more angry.Copy !req
1669. Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying:Copy !req
1670. "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be:Copy !req
1671. "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"...Copy !req
1672. and all that stuff. Well, hey, baby...Copy !req
1673. you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates.Copy !req
1674. How about 15?Copy !req
1675. Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates.Copy !req
1676. Okay, 20 dates. Twenty dates.Copy !req
1677. Okay. This is genius.Copy !req
1678. It's gonna hurt.Copy !req
1679. Not as much as you think.Copy !req
1680. We can really get to know each other this way.
Yeah.Copy !req
1681. This is one, right? No, next one.Copy !req
1682. Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it?Copy !req
1683. Honey, it's safe.Copy !req
1684. Great.Copy !req
1685. Well, good timing.Copy !req
1686. Yeah. You remember Marla.Copy !req
1687. Hi, we met. And this is my little bunny rabbit.Copy !req
1688. Julia. Hey.Copy !req
1689. This is Andy. Julia, how you doing?Copy !req
1690. You know what, do you by any chance like magic?Copy !req
1691. Yeah. I thought that you might.Copy !req
1692. Because I noticed on the way in...Copy !req
1693. that you had something shiny behind your ear.Copy !req
1694. Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear?Copy !req
1695. You think you do? Could I check?Copy !req
1696. Do you mind if I check behind your ear?Copy !req
1697. Big money!Copy !req
1698. That's amazing. Wow, it is amazing.Copy !req
1699. There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think.Copy !req
1700. No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear.
Rip!Copy !req
1701. It is your ear. There is your ear.Copy !req
1702. I ripped it off.Copy !req
1703. Gross! Yeah, that's...Copy !req
1704. All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you...Copy !req
1705. walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day?Copy !req
1706. Yeah, like half the time.Copy !req
1707. You know, I can come to your high school...Copy !req
1708. and do it for your friends if you want.Copy !req
1709. You know what, I should head out.Copy !req
1710. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
1711. I have to give you a ride home.Copy !req
1712. Right. Yes, you do.Copy !req
1713. Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right?Copy !req
1714. Right, I don't have a car.Copy !req
1715. 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic.Copy !req
1716. Awesome.Copy !req
1717. And sarcasm is like a second language to me.Copy !req
1718. So, I'm right there with you.Copy !req
1719. But, Dad...Copy !req
1720. I don't know how to love.Copy !req
1721. You never...Copy !req
1722. taught me how...Copy !req
1723. Hello. Hey, Cal.Copy !req
1724. Hey. I just got back from a date.Copy !req
1725. Did you tell her you're a virgin?Copy !req
1726. No. I haven't gotten to that yet.Copy !req
1727. Really? Are you having sex right now?Copy !req
1728. No. She was incredible.Copy !req
1729. She was amazing. She didn't pressure me.Copy !req
1730. And she has three kids.Copy !req
1731. And one of her kids has a kid.Copy !req
1732. You all right?Copy !req
1733. Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid?Copy !req
1734. Yeah. So, so, she's a grandma?Copy !req
1735. No.Copy !req
1736. I'm not a doctor or anything like that...Copy !req
1737. but she's a fucking grandma.Copy !req
1738. Yeah, whatever, you know.Copy !req
1739. She's the hottest grandma I ever saw.Copy !req
1740. Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma.Copy !req
1741. That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance.Copy !req
1742. Well, she's no Jack Palance.Copy !req
1743. No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady...Copy !req
1744. I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now.Copy !req
1745. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
1746. She's a hot grandma.Copy !req
1747. Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man.Copy !req
1748. You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch.Copy !req
1749. Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote.Copy !req
1750. She would probably find that very erotic.Copy !req
1751. Yeah, whatever, you know.Copy !req
1752. Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday.Copy !req
1753. I'm the dude with the hot granny.Copy !req
1754. What did you want to talk to me about?Copy !req
1755. Well, Andy, the numbers just came in...Copy !req
1756. and you are by far our best salesman.Copy !req
1757. So, I am promoting you to floor manager.Copy !req
1758. This is the bullshit of all bullshits!Copy !req
1759. You scumbag! Ass kisser!Copy !req
1760. Thank you. That's great.Copy !req
1761. I understand you have a girlfriend. Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.Copy !req
1762. I'm very happy for you. Thanks. She's great.Copy !req
1763. Are you still a virgin?Copy !req
1764. You know, I don't really...Copy !req
1765. talk about my personal life. You're a virgin.Copy !req
1766. Yes, I am. Yeah.Copy !req
1767. My door is always open.Copy !req
1768. So to speak. Great.Copy !req
1769. Great. Thank you.Copy !req
1770. I'm very discreet.Copy !req
1771. But I'll haunt your dreams.Copy !req
1772. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
1773. Wow.Copy !req
1774. So who's gonna take my job? Cal will be taking over your job.Copy !req
1775. And he's interviewing people right now...Copy !req
1776. for his old job.Copy !req
1777. So, have you ever worked with electronics before?Copy !req
1778. No. No?Copy !req
1779. But I have electronics in my home.Copy !req
1780. Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified.Copy !req
1781. More than these other losers.Copy !req
1782. I could do that— Wait, last thing.Copy !req
1783. I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it...Copy !req
1784. for the price of "on the house."Copy !req
1785. That I can't do.Copy !req
1786. Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out.Copy !req
1787. Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger.Copy !req
1788. I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie.Copy !req
1789. Now you being condescending.Copy !req
1790. See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably.Copy !req
1791. Okay. Well, check this out.Copy !req
1792. First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me.Copy !req
1793. Okay, now because I don't understand them...Copy !req
1794. I'm gonna take them as disrespect.Copy !req
1795. Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale.Copy !req
1796. Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger.Copy !req
1797. You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See?Copy !req
1798. Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.Copy !req
1799. You want to go? I suggest you move back.Copy !req
1800. Then, nig, fire on.Copy !req
1801. What are we gonna do?Copy !req
1802. What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager?Copy !req
1803. Go, get them, tiger.Copy !req
1804. This shit just got rigged.Copy !req
1805. What are you gonna do, bitch? I'll tell you what.Copy !req
1806. You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?Copy !req
1807. You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger?Copy !req
1808. Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty."Copy !req
1809. You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger.Copy !req
1810. We fucked dwarfs in the ass.Copy !req
1811. Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall...Copy !req
1812. to pull the trigger off in somebody face!Copy !req
1813. Come on nigger, back up. What's up? Hey...Copy !req
1814. Welcome to Smart Tech.Copy !req
1815. Is this your boy? What can I help you with?Copy !req
1816. Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you!Copy !req
1817. How can we help you, sir? Nigger, what?Copy !req
1818. No, he don't need no help. He's already been served.Copy !req
1819. I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it.Copy !req
1820. See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules.Copy !req
1821. But now he see that Jay make the moves at Smart Tech...Copy !req
1822. that I run this, bitch and now he bought the bounce.Copy !req
1823. This your boy?Copy !req
1824. Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech.Copy !req
1825. You just got fucked up with him.Copy !req
1826. Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back.Copy !req
1827. Both of you all niggers.Copy !req
1828. What did I do? It don't fucking matter!Copy !req
1829. Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high!
Please don't do this.Copy !req
1830. Jay, what's going on?Copy !req
1831. Jill broke up with me.Copy !req
1832. I'm so sorry. What happened?Copy !req
1833. I came home a little tipsy.Copy !req
1834. And I had one of my condoms on still.Copy !req
1835. Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her.Copy !req
1836. I don't know what I was thinking.Copy !req
1837. Why did you cheat on her?Copy !req
1838. Because I'm insecure! You can't tell?Copy !req
1839. I know, man. It's gonna be okay.Copy !req
1840. I'm cold. It's gonna be all right, man.Copy !req
1841. Seriously, man, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1842. I apologize to you. I know.Copy !req
1843. If you wanna have a meaningful relationship...Copy !req
1844. you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right.Copy !req
1845. It's all right. You're good.Copy !req
1846. I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man.Copy !req
1847. Man, I love you, too.Copy !req
1848. You're a good guy.Copy !req
1849. Do you know how I know you guys are gay?Copy !req
1850. You're holding each other ever so gently.Copy !req
1851. Cabron.Copy !req
1852. Bravo.Copy !req
1853. At least he can cook, Mom.Copy !req
1854. ? Believe It Or Not playing]Copy !req
1855. I love... Spiderman.Copy !req
1856. Pull out slowly and go straight ahead.Copy !req
1857. ?Copy !req
1858. I'm all right.Copy !req
1859. Nobody's there.Copy !req
1860. I want to know everything about you.Copy !req
1861. I want to tell you.Copy !req
1862. You do? Yeah.Copy !req
1863. Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams?Copy !req
1864. You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life.Copy !req
1865. I've been working there for a long time.Copy !req
1866. And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store.Copy !req
1867. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
1868. What kind of store? Well, like a stereo store.Copy !req
1869. Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that?Copy !req
1870. I don't have enough money to do that.Copy !req
1871. What about those collectibles?Copy !req
1872. I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money.Copy !req
1873. I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000.Copy !req
1874. Really? Do you have any of those?Copy !req
1875. Yeah. You do?Copy !req
1876. I have 47 of them.Copy !req
1877. No, you don't.Copy !req
1878. Yeah, in their original boxes. You do?Copy !req
1879. I could help you sell them on eBay.Copy !req
1880. I would not take a commission, I swear to God.Copy !req
1881. You could do it. You could totally pull it off.Copy !req
1882. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.Copy !req
1883. Aquaman.Copy !req
1884. Here.Copy !req
1885. Clothes on.Copy !req
1886. I'll send you off to...Copy !req
1887. a farm with lots of land.Copy !req
1888. So, you and other Aquamen can run around...Copy !req
1889. and play in the Aquafields.Copy !req
1890. Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin.Copy !req
1891. You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay.Copy !req
1892. Steve Austin can stay.Copy !req
1893. Hey, Cal. David.Copy !req
1894. Way to sell a big TV.
She likes you, man.Copy !req
1895. Too bad I retired my penis.Copy !req
1896. Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard.Copy !req
1897. Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift?Copy !req
1898. It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning.Copy !req
1899. No, I understand.Copy !req
1900. People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00.
Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
1901. Rich men get off work, then buy stereo.Copy !req
1902. Right. Not after fucking brunch.Copy !req
1903. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do.Copy !req
1904. I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts.Copy !req
1905. And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way...Copy !req
1906. we'll all be equal, okay. Thank you, Andy.Copy !req
1907. It's okay.
You're a good man, Andy.Copy !req
1908. By the way, what date are you on, now?Copy !req
1909. I think it's around 17.Copy !req
1910. It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though.Copy !req
1911. Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days.Copy !req
1912. Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit.Copy !req
1913. I'll pray for your cock. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
1914. Thanks. Thank you. Have a good cocky.Copy !req
1915. Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock.Copy !req
1916. Girlfriend with a problem. Hello.Copy !req
1917. I have done everything but sex!Copy !req
1918. I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it!Copy !req
1919. I'm gonna start taking you back to church.Copy !req
1920. We are gonna start going to church.Copy !req
1921. Hello? You know what?Copy !req
1922. What the hell are you talking about?Copy !req
1923. Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here.Copy !req
1924. Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom.Copy !req
1925. What happened?Copy !req
1926. She wants to go to the family health clinic.Copy !req
1927. She wants birth control. But she's too young.Copy !req
1928. I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom!Copy !req
1929. So, you want me to take her?Copy !req
1930. No, I don't want you to take her. Okay, all right.Copy !req
1931. I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
1932. "Keep it in my pants"?Copy !req
1933. Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom.Copy !req
1934. I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla.Copy !req
1935. Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then.Copy !req
1936. No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake.Copy !req
1937. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1938. Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean?Copy !req
1939. Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you?Copy !req
1940. No.Copy !req
1941. You and your boyfriend have sex all the time!Copy !req
1942. Oh, my God! Are you kidding?Copy !req
1943. We never have sex. Do we ever have sex?Copy !req
1944. No, we don't.Copy !req
1945. What? Yes, you do!Copy !req
1946. You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me?Copy !req
1947. Why?Copy !req
1948. I didn't hear anything after "a liar."Copy !req
1949. What did she say after "a liar"? She sounds like a tea kettle.Copy !req
1950. Fuck you!Copy !req
1951. Maybe I should take her. No, I don't think so.Copy !req
1952. You know, a little information never hurt anybody.Copy !req
1953. Cool.Copy !req
1954. Wow!Copy !req
1955. Where do you put the penis?Copy !req
1956. Oh, shit.Copy !req
1957. It is...Copy !req
1958. not a Rubik's Cube.Copy !req
1959. Shit.Copy !req
1960. God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait?Copy !req
1961. I don't know. They should be out in a second.Copy !req
1962. Now, you're all here...Copy !req
1963. because you're interested in obtaining birth control.Copy !req
1964. Any questions?Copy !req
1965. Here's a cute story. I came home the other day...Copy !req
1966. and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed...Copy !req
1967. doing things that are illegal in Alabama.Copy !req
1968. Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay?Copy !req
1969. Did you have a question? How do I get my wife to do that?Copy !req
1970. Does anybody else have a question?Copy !req
1971. My daughter is, for lack of a better word...Copy !req
1972. dumb.Copy !req
1973. How do I stop her menstrual cycle?Copy !req
1974. You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle?Copy !req
1975. I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years.Copy !req
1976. Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea.Copy !req
1977. Does anybody else have a question? I have a question.Copy !req
1978. I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced.Copy !req
1979. Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?Copy !req
1980. Is that a serious question?Copy !req
1981. No. It wasn't. Okay.Copy !req
1982. Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in...Copy !req
1983. without having sex that are both fun and safe.Copy !req
1984. What sort of activities? I think...Copy !req
1985. everybody wants to know about the activities.Copy !req
1986. Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course.Copy !req
1987. Outer-course? What's that?Copy !req
1988. Yeah, what is that?Copy !req
1989. Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse.Copy !req
1990. I prefer vaginal intercourse.Copy !req
1991. He really does.Copy !req
1992. Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse.Copy !req
1993. Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping.Copy !req
1994. You could dry hump.Copy !req
1995. There is masturbation. Masturbation. Play with yourself.Copy !req
1996. Mutual masturbation. Play with a friend.Copy !req
1997. Deep kissing. There is erotic massage.Copy !req
1998. That sounds like it would be nice.Copy !req
1999. Oral sex play. Sounds like my Friday night.Copy !req
2000. Shut up, Seth. We went to temple.Copy !req
2001. Okay, are there any virgins here...Copy !req
2002. who are thinking about having sex for the first time?Copy !req
2003. Oh.Copy !req
2004. Wait. So you're a virgin?Copy !req
2005. I'd tap that. Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"?Copy !req
2006. Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro?Copy !req
2007. We don't say, "tap that." What are you talking about, Seth?Copy !req
2008. You know what, I'm a virgin, too.Copy !req
2009. That's...Copy !req
2010. We're virgins, too. Yeah.Copy !req
2011. No, you know what, it's a personal choice...Copy !req
2012. and I don't think it's weird at all.Copy !req
2013. You know what your problem is?Copy !req
2014. You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.Copy !req
2015. That's the second time I've heard that.Copy !req
2016. What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing?Copy !req
2017. Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick.Copy !req
2018. So, bye.Copy !req
2019. You can get this information on your website, right?Copy !req
2020. Yes. Thanks. Nice meeting everybody.Copy !req
2021. Any other questions?Copy !req
2022. Do you have any extra-large condoms?Copy !req
2023. Seth, you got a tiny penis.Copy !req
2024. So, I made that all up to help you out.Copy !req
2025. No, you didn't.Copy !req
2026. But thank you for doing that.Copy !req
2027. How can you tell?Copy !req
2028. Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys...Copy !req
2029. who are all trying to have sex.Copy !req
2030. And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it.Copy !req
2031. Of course.Copy !req
2032. And you really haven't? No, I really haven't.Copy !req
2033. Please don't tell your mom, okay?Copy !req
2034. Yeah, I won't. Thanks.Copy !req
2035. But when are you gonna tell her?Copy !req
2036. Believe me, I'm working on it.Copy !req
2037. I am working on it.Copy !req
2038. Do you have any weed?Copy !req
2039. Yeah. You do have some.Copy !req
2040. Can spare any or is it all spoken for?Copy !req
2041. I mean, like what are we talking? Are we—Copy !req
2042. Just enough to get me baked for like a week.Copy !req
2043. That's a lot of weed.Copy !req
2044. Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so...Copy !req
2045. Where are you going? I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
2046. I'll stay in my apartment. Just getting baked?Copy !req
2047. I want to be baked the whole time.Copy !req
2048. Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.Copy !req
2049. Gandhi baked is good. Yes, isn't it?Copy !req
2050. I always feel bad when I watch it baked...Copy !req
2051. 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot...Copy !req
2052. and poor Gandhi is...Copy !req
2053. fucking starving his ass off. Starving, I know.Copy !req
2054. ? music playing on TV]Copy !req
2055. Sounds good. Yeah.Copy !req
2056. I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that?Copy !req
2057. Give it a shot.Copy !req
2058. Freak! Oh, yeah!Copy !req
2059. Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years.Copy !req
2060. Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes.Copy !req
2061. If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD?Copy !req
2062. You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD.Copy !req
2063. I'll take it.Copy !req
2064. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
2065. Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here.Copy !req
2066. You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out.Copy !req
2067. This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there.Copy !req
2068. Looks like a poltergeist.Copy !req
2069. That is his foot.Copy !req
2070. Look at his dick. That's not even four months.Copy !req
2071. Extrapolate that.Copy !req
2072. By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen?Copy !req
2073. Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg.Copy !req
2074. Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses?Copy !req
2075. No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant.Copy !req
2076. That's yours? (Jay) Yeah.Copy !req
2077. That's why she broke up with me in the first place...Copy !req
2078. 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father...Copy !req
2079. in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time.Copy !req
2080. But she got over all that. It's cool now.Copy !req
2081. Congratulations, man. That is great.Copy !req
2082. We having a party tonight, Andy...Copy !req
2083. and I really want you to be there, man.Copy !req
2084. We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there.Copy !req
2085. It looks like the Doppler radar.Copy !req
2086. Can you believe that?Copy !req
2087. This child ain't even four months old.Copy !req
2088. He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing.Copy !req
2089. Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV.Copy !req
2090. My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay?Copy !req
2091. Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland...Copy !req
2092. he has bought, like, 15 of these. Really?Copy !req
2093. Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you.Copy !req
2094. That is impossible. I think so.Copy !req
2095. Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf...Copy !req
2096. you know, I think you could actually make like...Copy !req
2097. maybe like $100,000.Copy !req
2098. Really? Yeah, you could open your store.Copy !req
2099. Wow. Honey...Copy !req
2100. That's a lot of money. I know.Copy !req
2101. That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you.Copy !req
2102. Thanks.Copy !req
2103. And that's not the only good news. What?Copy !req
2104. You know what tonight is? Survivor is on?Copy !req
2105. No. I know.Copy !req
2106. Is it The Apprentice?Copy !req
2107. No.Copy !req
2108. What?Copy !req
2109. It's our 20th date.Copy !req
2110. Wow. Yeah.Copy !req
2111. Really? Uh-huh.Copy !req
2112. Seriously? I think we're at 18.Copy !req
2113. 'Cause there were a couple of dates there...Copy !req
2114. that don't really count as dates. No.Copy !req
2115. I'll give you a free pass on those other ones.Copy !req
2116. Thank you.Copy !req
2117. Listen. What?Copy !req
2118. Listen. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
2119. I really like you.Copy !req
2120. I think I'm falling for you.Copy !req
2121. I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere.Copy !req
2122. I do, too.Copy !req
2123. I just think we should just go crazy on each other.Copy !req
2124. Okay. Okay?Copy !req
2125. Oh, thank God!Copy !req
2126. Oh!Copy !req
2127. Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up.Copy !req
2128. Don't pick them up now.Copy !req
2129. No, I have to pick those up right now.Copy !req
2130. Wait, we'll get them later. Listen, no, I can't, no.Copy !req
2131. Listen, it's really important because...Copy !req
2132. once the integrity of the box gets compromised...Copy !req
2133. This is original packaging and that's why these things...Copy !req
2134. are so valuable. So you don't screw with that.Copy !req
2135. You really don't screw with that. All right.Copy !req
2136. We can wrap them again later, you know.Copy !req
2137. Yeah, I know. But you know what...Copy !req
2138. this is very important that we don't lose the value...Copy !req
2139. and compromise the integrity of it.Copy !req
2140. Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and...Copy !req
2141. all you can think about is a fucking toy.Copy !req
2142. They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay?Copy !req
2143. I got this when I was in second grade.Copy !req
2144. Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that?Copy !req
2145. This is important.Copy !req
2146. These are my things...Copy !req
2147. and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to.Copy !req
2148. No. And you're making me.Copy !req
2149. I'm not making— You are encouraging me...Copy !req
2150. to quit my job. I'm not! I'm not trying to—Copy !req
2151. You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything.Copy !req
2152. You know what, I'm gonna tell you something.Copy !req
2153. I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you.Copy !req
2154. I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you.Copy !req
2155. I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy.Copy !req
2156. Well, thanks a lot.Copy !req
2157. I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom.Copy !req
2158. You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore.Copy !req
2159. I'm a floor manager. Okay.Copy !req
2160. And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike.Copy !req
2161. He had a wife who he fucked, by the way.Copy !req
2162. What do I have to do for you to have sex with me?Copy !req
2163. Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor.Copy !req
2164. I'll dress up like Iron Man.Copy !req
2165. What do they do? I'll do it.Copy !req
2166. What? Everything's always about sex.Copy !req
2167. Why don't you want to have sex with me?Copy !req
2168. Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth.Copy !req
2169. Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why?Copy !req
2170. No, it's cool that you're a grandmother.Copy !req
2171. I love the fact that you're a grandmother.Copy !req
2172. Oh, God! You are. You're a hot grandma.Copy !req
2173. Oh, my God!Copy !req
2174. You are so mean! Get out!Copy !req
2175. Okay, fine. Good! Good, fine. You're gonna go.Copy !req
2176. I didn't ask for any of this. You asked for all of it, Andy.Copy !req
2177. Okay. Great.Copy !req
2178. Okay.Copy !req
2179. That's the way you want it...Copy !req
2180. that's the way homie's gonna play it.Copy !req
2181. Yeah. Truth be told.Copy !req
2182. ?Copy !req
2183. Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight...Copy !req
2184. 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again...Copy !req
2185. till that baby is in college.Copy !req
2186. Me? Yeah.Copy !req
2187. You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out.Copy !req
2188. I'm not a club rat.Copy !req
2189. You're gonna get up, you march over there...Copy !req
2190. and I want you to hit on Bernadette now.Copy !req
2191. Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette.Copy !req
2192. Yes, you are, man...Copy !req
2193. 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing...Copy !req
2194. and it's actually making me a little depressed...Copy !req
2195. which is then in turn making me more depressed...Copy !req
2196. that you're actually affecting my mood.Copy !req
2197. Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right?Copy !req
2198. I'm just... I'm fragile.Copy !req
2199. I hired her for you.Copy !req
2200. I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech...Copy !req
2201. for you, okay?Copy !req
2202. I should have hired a 300-pound guy...Copy !req
2203. who could lift a 60-inch flat screen.Copy !req
2204. But instead I hired a hot girl...Copy !req
2205. who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk.Copy !req
2206. You hired her for me? Yes.Copy !req
2207. So will you go talk to her?Copy !req
2208. Yeah, I'm meeting somebody.Copy !req
2209. No.Copy !req
2210. Did you just flick me in the nuts? No.Copy !req
2211. Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be.Copy !req
2212. Quit flicking my balls, man.Copy !req
2213. Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls.Copy !req
2214. But I'll start punching your nuts.Copy !req
2215. Oh!Copy !req
2216. Okay.Copy !req
2217. Well played, sir.Copy !req
2218. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
2219. No problem, man. Go get 'em.Copy !req
2220. Mooj, you done see my son...Copy !req
2221. you know his foot gonna be bigger than this.Copy !req
2222. If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay?Copy !req
2223. I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138?Copy !req
2224. When your son is born, is he already in parole?Copy !req
2225. I need some poon.Copy !req
2226. You guys were so right, right from the beginning.Copy !req
2227. I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need.Copy !req
2228. You know, the thing about relationships is that they...Copy !req
2229. make one person go...Copy !req
2230. And the other person go, "What are you talking about?"Copy !req
2231. And then one person goes...Copy !req
2232. How much have you had to drink, man?Copy !req
2233. How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken?Copy !req
2234. What are you talking about?Copy !req
2235. How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life?Copy !req
2236. Let me ask you that.Copy !req
2237. You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you?Copy !req
2238. Fuck you, man! I'm sorry.Copy !req
2239. No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you.Copy !req
2240. What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already.Copy !req
2241. Hey, motherfucker!Copy !req
2242. Man, you know what, tonight is the night.Copy !req
2243. You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong.Copy !req
2244. You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship...Copy !req
2245. with somebody until...Copy !req
2246. you have sex and that's the long...Copy !req
2247. That's the long and short of it.Copy !req
2248. So, thank you. That's good.Copy !req
2249. And now I have to go hunt for some hos.Copy !req
2250. He going to be all right? No, I don't think he is.Copy !req
2251. Cal's a good guy. Yeah, he's a great guy.Copy !req
2252. It's so funny, because, you know...Copy !req
2253. when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store...Copy !req
2254. he told me you were gay. I'm not gay.Copy !req
2255. Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem...Copy !req
2256. with his own gayness.Copy !req
2257. But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now.Copy !req
2258. I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you.Copy !req
2259. You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is...Copy !req
2260. I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore...Copy !req
2261. who stomped all over my heart.Copy !req
2262. And it's just taking me a little while to kind of...Copy !req
2263. you know, get back in the game.Copy !req
2264. Oh, my God. Say no more.Copy !req
2265. My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag.Copy !req
2266. I would totally pay people to have him killed.Copy !req
2267. That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag.Copy !req
2268. God, you're fucking awesome. You too.Copy !req
2269. Hey, you!Copy !req
2270. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
2271. How you doing?Copy !req
2272. Much better, now that I'm talking to you.Copy !req
2273. Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt.Copy !req
2274. Nice.Copy !req
2275. So, you think we should...Copy !req
2276. take this party to my apartment or what?Copy !req
2277. I am RSVPing "yes."Copy !req
2278. Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it.Copy !req
2279. Yeah, let's go!Copy !req
2280. Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I...Copy !req
2281. Thank you.Copy !req
2282. What's the matter? Where is Andy?Copy !req
2283. We had a big fight, just... Oh, Mom.Copy !req
2284. He just stormed out of here.Copy !req
2285. What happened?Copy !req
2286. Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him.Copy !req
2287. I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but...Copy !req
2288. you know, he's a big dork...Copy !req
2289. and I like seeing you happy.Copy !req
2290. I do.Copy !req
2291. That's sweet, that's really sweet. Mom.Copy !req
2292. Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out.Copy !req
2293. 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop.Copy !req
2294. Let me dance for you. I would love it.
? music playing on stereo]Copy !req
2295. Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great.Copy !req
2296. Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot.Copy !req
2297. I'm smoking hot.Copy !req
2298. You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you.Copy !req
2299. Yes! Let's have sex.Copy !req
2300. It's going to happen. That's why we are here.Copy !req
2301. That's totally what's going to happen.Copy !req
2302. We could do it in the...Copy !req
2303. Butt, if you want to.Copy !req
2304. But, if I want to what?Copy !req
2305. Butt. But what? What?Copy !req
2306. Do it. Do it?Copy !req
2307. What?Copy !req
2308. I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
2309. Butt. But...Copy !req
2310. What? what?Copy !req
2311. But, it still feels so right.Copy !req
2312. ?Copy !req
2313. Yeah!Copy !req
2314. Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
2315. That was a fun day.Copy !req
2316. You are so kinky.Copy !req
2317. Yeah, I'm so kinky.Copy !req
2318. That's why I did this because I thought it looks—Copy !req
2319. You like to shave, don't you?Copy !req
2320. Let's shave each other. I don't think you have any hair.Copy !req
2321. You know where to shave me.Copy !req
2322. Yeah. Because I want to shave you.Copy !req
2323. I want to shave your head.Copy !req
2324. I wanna give you a buzz cut.Copy !req
2325. Let's get in the bath.Copy !req
2326. In the bath?Copy !req
2327. Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.Copy !req
2328. It's just about time I got really dirty.Copy !req
2329. Yeah.Copy !req
2330. Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house.Copy !req
2331. I want to do whatever you want to do, okay?Copy !req
2332. Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever.Copy !req
2333. I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye.Copy !req
2334. Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay.Copy !req
2335. Wow! Holy shit!Copy !req
2336. Wow. This is just the right thing to happen.Copy !req
2337. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! AImost got my penis.Copy !req
2338. Come to mama.Copy !req
2339. I'm gonna really take care of you tonight.Copy !req
2340. You're never gonna forget Beth.Copy !req
2341. I just want to please you.Copy !req
2342. What do you like?Copy !req
2343. I don't know. What do you like?Copy !req
2344. Can I show you what I like?Copy !req
2345. Okay.Copy !req
2346. It's so hot in here.Copy !req
2347. I wanna introduce you to my friend.Copy !req
2348. Your friend is so shiny.Copy !req
2349. This guy knows exactly what I like.Copy !req
2350. Where's you friend going?Copy !req
2351. This is how I'm gonna warm up for you.Copy !req
2352. That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something.Copy !req
2353. Wow, this is graphic.Copy !req
2354. I can't do it.Copy !req
2355. God, what are you doing here?Copy !req
2356. We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish...Copy !req
2357. and now I could not give a fuck.Copy !req
2358. How did you even know where she lives?Copy !req
2359. I hit it like eight months back. What?Copy !req
2360. Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea...Copy !req
2361. where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak.Copy !req
2362. Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy!Copy !req
2363. You think?Copy !req
2364. We've been talking, and look...Copy !req
2365. if you love Trish, you can't do this.Copy !req
2366. Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.Copy !req
2367. I don't even know who I am. All I know is...Copy !req
2368. that woman scares the shit out of me...Copy !req
2369. and I just wanna go home, okay?Copy !req
2370. Let's go. We should all get out of here.Copy !req
2371. Okay. We should all go.Copy !req
2372. It wasn't that good for me.
We should totally get out of here.Copy !req
2373. We should run away from here.Copy !req
2374. Hey.Copy !req
2375. Cal.Copy !req
2376. Go around!Copy !req
2377. Come on, just go around me!Copy !req
2378. Can't you hear me?Copy !req
2379. Hey, there. Hi, Trish.Copy !req
2380. Man, I'm really sorry about tonight.Copy !req
2381. What's this?Copy !req
2382. Those are David's.Copy !req
2383. I think he has a problem.Copy !req
2384. These are David's? He's into that.Copy !req
2385. David's Boner Jams '03?Copy !req
2386. Yeah, it's so sad.Copy !req
2387. He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess.Copy !req
2388. This isn't what it looks like, okay?Copy !req
2389. What does this look like? A vagina.Copy !req
2390. And what do you do with this vagina?Copy !req
2391. To learn. It's for medicinal purposes.
Ugh.Copy !req
2392. Hey, I'm sorry. God... What's this?Copy !req
2393. This your date drug? Your roofie?Copy !req
2394. It's a Mentos.Copy !req
2395. They're "The Freshmaker."Copy !req
2396. Yeah, right.Copy !req
2397. What are you, some kind of sex pervert?Copy !req
2398. Are you a deviant or something?Copy !req
2399. No, I'm not a sexual deviant! What is all this?Copy !req
2400. I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so...Copy !req
2401. What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for?Copy !req
2402. Come on.Copy !req
2403. You're not gonna try and kill me, are you?Copy !req
2404. Look, Trish. You didn't get a new carpet.Copy !req
2405. I'm not trying to kill you. I love you.Copy !req
2406. I love you. Oh, God!Copy !req
2407. Trish.Copy !req
2408. ? Heat Of The Moment playing]Copy !req
2409. Trish. No!Copy !req
2410. No. Trish, stop.Copy !req
2411. Come on, Trish!Copy !req
2412. I need to talk to you!Copy !req
2413. No!Copy !req
2414. Damn it.Copy !req
2415. Oh, my God!Copy !req
2416. Andy! Oh, my God!Copy !req
2417. Call 911.Copy !req
2418. Oh, my... Andy.Copy !req
2419. Oh, my God!Copy !req
2420. I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now.Copy !req
2421. Oh, my God. Are you okay?Copy !req
2422. Not bad.Copy !req
2423. There were two sides to that billboard.Copy !req
2424. And they both hurt equally.Copy !req
2425. Andy. Andy.Copy !req
2426. Are you okay? I'm okay.Copy !req
2427. No, I'm not okay.Copy !req
2428. I'm a virgin.Copy !req
2429. A what?Copy !req
2430. I'm a virgin. I always have been.Copy !req
2431. Andy, is that what all this was about?Copy !req
2432. I'm sorry.Copy !req
2433. You're just a virgin, that's all?Copy !req
2434. Yeah. That's good. That's a good thing.Copy !req
2435. I feel stupid.Copy !req
2436. It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me.Copy !req
2437. No.Copy !req
2438. Oh, my God.Copy !req
2439. No, I'm not trying to kill you.Copy !req
2440. That's why I never tried to have sex with you.Copy !req
2441. I was scared, okay? I just...Copy !req
2442. 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing.Copy !req
2443. I just didn't think it would be good.Copy !req
2444. Of course it'll be good. We love each other.Copy !req
2445. Really?Copy !req
2446. I love you.Copy !req
2447. Yeah.Copy !req
2448. Get the fuck out of the road, virgin!Copy !req
2449. Shut up, you fucking jerk!Copy !req
2450. No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry.Copy !req
2451. You know what...Copy !req
2452. for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me...Copy !req
2453. because it had never happened, but...Copy !req
2454. I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you.Copy !req
2455. This was some wedding. How could they afford it?Copy !req
2456. Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars.Copy !req
2457. It's crazy, right? That's fucking crazy.Copy !req
2458. We're gonna get some fucking toys.Copy !req
2459. We are all so happy for you.Copy !req
2460. I am delighted to say these words.Copy !req
2461. Andy...Copy !req
2462. you may kiss the bride.Copy !req
2463. And for God's sake, consummate the thing.Copy !req
2464. No! Stop it. I have the key.Copy !req
2465. I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble...Copy !req
2466. for about a half an hour, but...Copy !req
2467. you can come in and sit down if you want...Copy !req
2468. or wait in the lobby. It's okay.Copy !req
2469. It's up to you.Copy !req
2470. ?Copy !req
2471. Dude, get the fuck out of here.Copy !req
2472. Ready? Yeah.Copy !req
2473. Yes. Yeah.Copy !req
2474. Whoa.Copy !req
2475. You're officially not a virgin.Copy !req
2476. Cool.Copy !req
2477. Wow.Copy !req
2478. Wanna do it again?Copy !req
2479. Yeah. Good. Okay.Copy !req
2480. Sure.Copy !req
2481. That was good. That was okay.Copy !req
2482. Okay.Copy !req
2483. You ready? Yeah.Copy !req
2484. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.Copy !req
2485. So, how was that for you?Copy !req
2486. ? When the moon?Copy !req
2487. ? Is in the Seventh House?Copy !req
2488. ? And Jupiter aligns with Mars?Copy !req
2489. ? Then peace will guide the planets?Copy !req
2490. ? And love will steer the stars?Copy !req
2491. ? This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius?Copy !req
2492. ? Age of Aquarius?Copy !req
2493. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2494. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2495. ? Harmony and understanding?Copy !req
2496. ? Sympathy and trust abounding?Copy !req
2497. ? No more falsehoods or derisions?
? Golden living dreams of visions?Copy !req
2498. ? Mystic crystal revelations?Copy !req
2499. ? And the mind's true liberation?Copy !req
2500. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2501. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2502. ? When the moon is in the Seventh House?Copy !req
2503. ? And Jupiter aligns with Mars?Copy !req
2504. ? Then peace will guide the planets?Copy !req
2505. ? And love will steer the star?Copy !req
2506. ? This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius?Copy !req
2507. ? The age of Aquarius?Copy !req
2508. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2509. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2510. ? It's Aquarius, baby?Copy !req
2511. ? We ain't talking about no Scorpio?Copy !req
2512. ? We ain't talking about no?Copy !req
2513. ? No, we ain't talking about no Scorpio?Copy !req
2514. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2515. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2516. ? Aquarius?Copy !req
2517. ? Let the sunshine?Copy !req
2518. ? Let the sunshine in?Copy !req
2519. ? The sunshine in?Copy !req
2520. ? Let the sunshine?Copy !req
2521. ? Let the sunshine in?Copy !req
2522. ? The sunshine in?Copy !req
2523. ? Let the sunshine?Copy !req
2524. ? Let the sunshine in?Copy !req
2525. ? The sunshine in? Let it shine, let it shine?Copy !req
2526. ? Let the sunshine?Copy !req
2527. ? Let it shine?Copy !req
2528. ? Let it shine, yeah?Copy !req
2529. ? The sunshine in?Copy !req
2530. ? Let the sunshine?Copy !req
2531. ? Let the sunshine in?Copy !req
2532. ? The sunshine in?Copy !req
2533. ? Just Got Lucky playing]Copy !req