TFW No GF (2020)

1. Everyone my age kind of just grows up on the internet.

2. When I think back, I think about,

3. like, what bullshit I was doing on 4chan,

4. because that's the only...

5. place that, kind of, seemed real.

6. Well, this was after I dropped out.

7. I was so depressed and...

8. just felt so hopeless, that...

9. I didn't have the energy to do anything.

10. I didn't have the energy to talk to anyone.

11. Uh...

12. So in a day I'd get up, I'd get something to eat.

13. It really was just, kind of, sitting in bed and sometimes watching TV,

14. but other times, it was more like...

15. I don't know, just kind of, looking out the window,

16. just the normal, really weird depressed shit,

17. that you find yourself doing and don't really know why.

18. And when I...

19. found myself on, like, 4chan and Twitter and stuff like that.

20. I realized that there was, you know, other people who are,

21. kind of, going through the same shit...

22. and not really knowing what to do with their lives, or...

23. if there actually even is anything to really do with your life,

24. if you're... kind of,

25. disassociated and indifferent to a lot of things.

26. I came to realize that I might be stumbling into something

27. I find really important.

28. And it did turn out that way.

29. Something ominous is happening to men in America.

30. Everyone who pays attention knows that.

31. Many millennialsare still struggling financially

32. especially when compared to past generations.

33. For the first time in the modern era,

34. young adults are more likely to live with their parents,

35. than with a romantic partner.

36. In the 18-to 22-year-old category,

37. those people scored the highest in terms of loneliness.

38. Is there indication as to why?

39. They seem to be alone,

40. but they are radicalizing

41. each other in their isolation.

42. Well, I say that it's a very scary time for young men in America.

43. It's a very difficult time.

44. Our response is, "Sucks to be you, loser. Unfollow."

45. You want a friend? Get a gun.

46. This is a part of a larger movement,

47. which is about policing, punishing and persecuting women.

48. They call themselves The Darkest Reaches

49. of the Internet, and they're not wrong.

50. Do we even know who is this 4chan?

51. 4chan.

52. 4chan.

53. 4chan.

54. Destroy! Die! Attack!

55. Threats from a gang of computer hackers calling themselves Anonymous.

56. I believe they're domestic terrorists.

57. Their name comes from their secret website.

58. It requires anyone posting on the site to remain anonymous.

59. They get laughs. They enjoy doing this.

60. They get what they call, "LULZ."

61. LULZ is a corruption of LOL,

62. which stands for Laugh Out Loud.

63. Bored all the time here in Thornton.

64. For context, I'm 5'6 and I live in a one-bedroom apartment with my Mom.

65. I wouldn't necessarily say that I prefer the internet

66. over anything else, it's just...

67. that's where I felt most was offered to me,

68. just in every sense. In a social sense,

69. in an educational sense.

70. It's like a river, it just does what it wants with you.

71. I did all right in school, like, up until

72. eighth grade and then I just,

73. kind of, stopped caring about it.

74. I skipped classes pretty much every single day,

75. and I got in trouble a lot,

76. and then I failed ninth grade.

77. I kind of just dropped off the map.

78. I dropped out, was going through my own shit.

79. And since then I've just been a fucking NEET.

80. I mean, back when I was using 4chan,

81. the people my age were like, dealing with their parents, who were dealing with the economic crash and stuff like that,

82. and I was like, "Oh, my parents are divorced

83. and the future that was sold

84. to me is a complete lie."

85. So it's like, I'm just going to do nothing instead.

86. r9k is where the most hopeless and autistic and...

87. miserable people congregate to flirt with their despair.

88. You have a shitty day and then you make a green text about it

89. and you can make it as funny or not funny as you want

90. and then people will call you a faggot or whatever, and then they'll join in.

91. And it sounds bad when you don't actually take part in it,

92. but it's actually— it's some fun when you're

93. on board, I guess.

94. You don't feel like it's a habit.

95. It just, kind of, becomes something you do

96. and you kind of wonder what you did before.

97. I mean, this is a very common thing on r9k, where people are saying,

98. "Alright, today I'm going to kill myself. Do you guys want to tell me anything?"

99. And then people will say, "Uh, yeah, dude, see you later,”

100. and stuff like that and just egging them on to do it.

101. And, I mean, it's funny when it, kind of, starts out,

102. but you got to think that, "Holy shit.

103. Maybe some of these guys are actually doing it."

104. It's like a love-hate kind of thing, just—

105. There's just, like, nothing else like it.

106. It's pretty much like any addiction or anything.

107. My phone tells me, like, every week that I spent, like, seven hours a day on it,

108. so, I've been with— online so long.

109. It's just a part of me.

110. I just tweet my thoughts as it's happening,

111. which often are really bad and negative,

112. or the reactions kind of give you a small dopamine rush and—

113. Yeah, there's not really much to lose.

114. Like, I don't really care in a way.

115. Any publicity is good publicity.

116. I'd always, kind of, just got those like, suicidal thoughts.

117. A lot of, like, things risking your life,

118. like driving really fast or suddenly, like, closing your eyes,

119. like, while just on the accelerator.

120. Once it starts happening it— I just don't even think about it.

121. My head just kind of, like, clears up,

122. and my thoughts go away for a minute, which is relaxing

123. because you can just mess up in a second and it'd all be over.

124. Man, it's kind of messed up around here.

125. But, you know, it is what it is.

126. This is our roommate, it's, uh, Mason.

127. We go way back, right?

128. See, alcoholic, NEET,

129. spergy, awkward, aggressive,

130. defensive or distant in conversation.

131. Torrent most of your downloads and games.

132. Have passed the point in your life when having potential mattered.

133. Attempted suicide or have had a mental breakdown.

134. Sleep over ten hours a night or less than six.

135. Overcrowded or filthy living conditions.

136. Diagnosed autism, anxiety or depression.

137. Masturbate at least once a day.

138. Less than ten happy memories in the past year.

139. Virgin. Fired from a job or a drop out.

140. Have been arrested.

141. Let's see. How many bingos?

142. That's a bingo.

143. Oh, that one's close.

144. Specifically the rule is, you can't make a post

145. if anyone's made a post with the same exact, like, content.

146. Like, it has to be completely unique every single time

147. and an easy way to have a unique post

148. was people talking really frankly about, like,

149. personal stories or personal problems,

150. and that sort of, set the tone for the community.

151. Stuff like this.

152. Really just, like, an infinite supply of this shit.

153. It's funny how it worked out, that, um, Wojak kind of,

154. remained like an insular part of the communities.

155. What's more popular nowadays is kind of, like,

156. the permutations of them.

157. But those always come and go.

158. He still has that same lasting power.

159. I usually wake up around noon.

160. Take a shower, get dressed and then, um,

161. just browse Twitter until Charlie gets home.

162. And then...

163. whatever he wants to do after that.

164. We both grew up, not just in the same physical conditions,

165. but the same digital conditions. So we—

166. I think we really understand each other really well.

167. And I lived out, like, in the woods and everything.

168. There wasn't really anyone our age around.

169. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do, really.

170. Our parents were alcoholics, SO...

171. - They didn't exactly have it together, I guess. No.

172. We kind of just spent a lot of time online.

173. You know, when you're kind of trapped like that,

174. I guess, the internet definitely opens up

175. avenues that wouldn't otherwise be present.

176. You don't really have friends in real life and there's people you can talk to online.

177. I have a lot of problems just, like, speaking in general,

178. like, it's really hard for me to say much of anything.

179. I'm pretty quiet, but...

180. being able to be online and communicate,

181. like, my thoughts and feelings

182. in, sort of, a more eloquent way, it—

183. It's sort of liberating.

184. Thank you. Thank you.

185. It almost seems like nobody's here.

186. It's the kind of place where...

187. it's all just, like— like, strip malls and industrial places

188. and empty lots, burned down buildings and...

189. None of them seem like actual places you can go to.

190. They're— they're like set pieces.

191. It's like my background,

192. but at the same time it's, like, really beautiful in a way.

193. A lot of people will compare and say, like,

194. "Stuff online versus stuff in real life."

195. It— it is real life.

196. You can't really decouple the two anymore.

197. They're— they're so intertwined,

198. especially in the formative experiences of people growing up nowadays.

199. And I feel like...

200. for kids that are going to be younger than us.

201. They won't even understand the difference between the two.

202. Maybe at like 11 or 12 years old,

203. I somehow stumbled upon 4chan.

204. That was like a defining moment.

205. 4chan is almost like a zone completely devoid of rules.

206. Say whatever you want, be whatever you want, do whatever you want.

207. Just kill every sacred cow.

208. Just destroy taboos for the sake of being taboos.

209. shall not be destroyed.

210. And I think we just kind of latched onto that.

211. But then you also really get into some of the,

212. like, more dark sides

213. of just, sort of, human behavior.

214. A 12 year old should not probably be exposed

215. to a constant onslaught of, like, gore and extreme pornography.

216. It does kind of harden you in a way.

217. Just an A-K. It's very classic.

218. A Mac 11 and 9 millimeter, which is—

219. Actually got this

220. off of a person who was selling it on Twitter.

221. It's just a cheap AR-15 Lower, but it's got a, uh,

222. M16A2, like, parts kit on it

223. and a Cobray 37-millimeter flare launcher.

224. Well, it just looks cool.

225. If any e-girls are looking to be emotionally manipulated

226. and/or sexually abused, my DMs are, in fact, open right now.

227. More, like, depressing or, like misogynistic,

228. or something there, they do better.

229. I think for a while, he was, like,

230. the incel mascot on Twitter, pretty much.

231. I think his account got locked for a couple of these.

232. I don't think I would consider myself actually a misogynist.

233. It's just kind of, like, trolling and everything, just—

234. A lot of chicks are actually into it, which is funny.

235. There had always been the long history of...

236. using online to, sort of,

237. get one over on, like, the real world is a joke, like.

238. I think— - Where the irony ends and the sincerity begins,

239. it's almost obscured on purpose, like, as part of the joke.

240. Let's see Kyle.

241. He's got really funny stuff.

242. His cowboy boots or hat is always pictured.

243. - So... let's see.

244. People like to over blow the— like, the really edgy stuff,

245. but then you get, like— like, the hilariously heartfelt posts like this.

246. "All of the treasure in the world has already been taken.

247. There's no adventure left."

248. And the reply to it is, um,

249. "There's a treasure inside each and every one of us.”

250. Nobody chose to be in this culture with this technology,

251. with— in their family situation.

252. They didn't choose to grow up rich or poor or whatever.

253. You play the cards you're dealt,

254. and sometimes they're not good enough.

255. Still living in fucking La La Land.

256. Little fantasy world where everything's going to be A-okay.

257. Everything's going to get all better.

258. Let me tell you something, buddy.

259. It's not going to happen, okay?

260. All right, let's check this out.

261. I was reading some threads last night

262. More Redditors, more underage kids, more Tumbilr...

263. white knights and shit. You already know how it is.

264. They don't know, okay?

265. They don't get it.

266. I gotta tell "em. I gotta—

267. I gotta school 'em, right now, I'm afraid.

268. We're in this dual reality.

269. So, you know, we're trying to keep up this facade.

270. You know, as society's crumbling around us,

271. as civilization is collapsing,

272. we're trying to keep up this facade,

273. that this is what— you know, all the ha—

274. Happy family and the white picket fence,

275. but that's not... that's on its way out,

276. I'm afraid.

277. And I don't know what's coming.

278. It's going to be probably not very good,

279. whatever is coming up next.

280. But women, they— you know,

281. they're out there and they're taking the good stuff, okay?

282. They're getting the 20s, "Hot guy, hot guy, hot guy, hot guy, oh, this is great,

283. hot guy, date a hot guy, fuck a hot guy,” over and over again,

284. you know, they love it, because they can just—

285. They're on Tinder. Hot— you know, they're

286. finding the hot guys, they're fucking "em.

287. And you're sitting here to yourself,

288. "Oh, If I'd just hit a new PR on my bench.

289. If I'd just buy that new suit,

290. if I'd just,” you know, you're playing catch-up,

291. you're trying to catch up and you're trying to be something,

292. but you... you've already lost.

293. You've already failed, you know what I mean?

294. I don't know what the average person is looking forward to.

295. Maybe they got plans, I— I don't know.

296. I was a real fucking bastard when I was a little kid, man.

297. I remember, uh, I'd go to school and,

298. like, some classes were taught, like, half in Spanish,

299. which, it was fucking insane. I didn't speak Spanish,

300. but, you know, it— I mean, it was fucking El Paso,

301. pretty much everyone there does.

302. I— I used to hide in the garage, like...

303. you know, I'd just fucking sit in there with my—

304. Whatever the goddamn video game was back then.

305. I mean, I remember being pulled out, I remember the day,

306. but after that...

307. I just remember she said we were going to home school. It didn't work.

308. We pretty much everyone just gave up on it.

309. I just talk to people on there, really.

310. Make dumb posts.

311. Just whatever comes to mind.

312. Just good to...

313. It's good to talk to people.

314. And it's not ideal, but...

315. it's better than nothing I guess.

316. Like a lot of— a lot of the guys

317. on— on that side of Twitter, like,

318. they talk about being lonely.

319. But they also talk about, like,

320. you know, hating being around people.

321. One, two, three!

322. ♪ Happy birthday to you &

323. What's making these people the way they are?

324. These young men. You can't just—

325. Like, I can't just put it into a sentence, you know?

326. I don't even know what it is. It's just...

327. everything that's happening.

328. I can see a police car all the way from out here.

329. You see those red and blue lights...

330. flashing?

331. I mean, I don't know not— not the people I know,

332. but anyone that's lonely and angry like that.

333. It's completely possible that they'll— they'll do something,

334. something they shouldn't, in the end.

335. I— I knew four people that I was really close with.

336. I had one friend, two years ago now, I think,

337. and he OD'd.

338. And then I had another one.

339. Yeah, this was just a couple months ago.

340. He just fucking gunned it into a wall,

341. in his car and he died, he—

342. He split his head open. He was dead.

343. And...

344. there was another one that just happened.

345. I don't want to talk about that.

346. I mean... that was like my last... friend.

347. I mean, I've always felt lonely, but now I'm really...

348. really alone, you know?

349. I'm tired of just wallowing

350. with a bunch of other miserable fucking guys.

351. What's the point? There's no point.

352. You...

353. you can either try and get your shit together or you'll— you'll fucking die. You'll waste away.

354. It seems like,

355. even before, I had it better, you know?

356. Had more to work for.

357. I mean, my parents are well into their 50s

358. and they don't own a house or a car or anything

359. and that's just kind of fucked up to me. It's like—

360. You can't— it's hard—you just can't do anything NOW.

361. It's harder to build a life.

362. I think, "Shit, where am I going to be in 20 years?"

363. I don't know I gotta get my shit together, I gotta—

364. I gotta work on my education. I need to...

365. Yeah, I need t—

366. I need to, you know, set myself up for my future.

367. - I didn't vote. I don't believe in democracy. - Okay.

368. You know, I believe in Thule, the ancient city,

369. and raising Thule. And I think that Trump

370. is the candidate who's going to raise Thule

371. and Atlantis.

372. I believe in global cooling.

373. Cooling the Earth. The sea low—

374. The sea level is lowering, and I believe in land raising

375. from the bottom of the ocean with ancient ruins on it,

376. like the ruins of Thule,

377. and I believe that Trump's going to accomplish all of that.

378. - How? - He's going to prove that UFOs exist.

379. The government has known about it for a long time.

380. They've known that the UFOs are out there

381. and that they're trying to communicate with us and that they have

382. secrets about the origins of human consciousness.

383. Are you familiar with the philosopher Fried rich Schelling?

384. He predicted it a long time ago.

385. Trump is going to make German idealism real.

386. - He's going to complete the system. - Can someone do that?

387. - He's a German idealist!

388. - Are you, um, are you from New York? - No, I'm not from New York.

389. Are you— uh, how old are you?

390. - I can't say. I can't say. - You look really young. Are you—

391. - I'm eternal. - Have you been to— have you been to college?

392. - You should go. - I'm not in college.

393. I just want everyone to know.

394. Everyone needs to be aware.

395. Go off the fucking PERC learning, fine.

396. - He's a fascist, that's the most important thing.

397. - We don't need books! - The eye convinces the eye!

398. - Burn the books! Burn the books!

399. - We don't need democracy!

400. We are the alt-right, we got-—- we got Trump elected.

401. We got Trump Elected. Follow me on Twitter.

402. - Have a great night.

403. I think people are, like, uncomfortable

404. not really knowing, like, what I believe.

405. And that they want me to be, like, more sincere

406. and they're like— they don't, like, like irony,

407. they don't like trying to, like, cloak or, like,

408. conceal, like, what you believe or like,

409. you know, fold into different layers of meaning.

410. Some people just aren't clear, like, interpreting stuff like that,

411. or, like, can't just like, appreciate it for what it is.

412. So, it just, like, bothers them.

413. Well...

414. You know, TFW no girlfriend is just like, it's—That's all it is it's just a meme.

415. So, you can't make a movie about, like, just a meme.

416. It's that you have to look below the surface.

417. Well, there's a, you know, a dichotomy. You can't talk

418. about Wojak without talking about, like, Pepe,

419. because they— they go together.

420. That's the duality of man.

421. Is that you have the Pepe and you have the Wojak

422. and the Pepe is sort of like, you know, it's your troll self.

423. It's your, you know, public persona and it's, like,

424. you being cocky and he's saying all this crazy shit,

425. and being smug and being ironic and, you know, getting under people's skins

426. and, sort of, being cool about things.

427. But then on the other half, we all have the Wojak,

428. which is like our private selves,

429. who, you know, isn't like that at all.

430. Who's like, very depressed.

431. Who feels, like, inadequate.

432. Who, you know, can't fulfill his own goals.

433. Who, you know, has all these feelings that he can't manage.

434. This is like what social media is helping... to create.

435. It's like the fragmentation of our— our personalities.

436. So, when you go online and you're trolling you— you're the Pepe,

437. but really, inside you're the Wojak that nobody—

438. Nobody really knows about.

439. So, we can all become Wojak

440. in like— in our moments of desperation.

441. You know, he represents when we feel like we're nothing.

442. I didn't know that anyone would, like, care about, like, what I have to say.

443. I— like, I didn't presume to think that, like, anyone would.

444. So, as I went along.

445. You know, I found out more and more that like,

446. what I was saying, like, resonated with— with people,

447. and, like, I mean, that was surprising to me,

448. but it wasn't like I was driven by, like, an anger, at like, what was going on, it was just more of like, apathy.

449. It's like tiredness.

450. - Do they still read Fried rich Schlegel? I think so!

451. There's this guy, Fried rich Schlegel,

452. and his main,

453. you Know, the literary form that he worked in was the aphorism.

454. So he worked in the fragment.

455. You know, he only wrote [-- like, a single paragraph at a time.

456. He just published books of just, like, one paragraph, or like,

457. one sentence, like, observations about things,

458. like, reviews of books or something,

459. and he, you know, founded like,

460. all modern, like, literary theory by doing—

461. And like, that's what like a tweet is. Just because,

462. like, a tweet is, like, small...

463. and seems, like, incidental, I mean, that's—

464. Doesn't mean that doesn't have a literary potential in there.

465. I'm not saying that every tweet recognizes that potential,

466. but...

467. if you're going to be doing them, like, you should try to, like, elevate it somehow,

468. just something like, more interesting, funny, you know, observant, insightful.

469. And there is a lot of potential there.

470. If you went back to, like, I don't know, like,

471. 2011 or 2012, it's like, you know,

472. I wanted to be a writer.

473. But you have all these questions about what are you going to do?

474. It's like, you have to go through, like, the publishing industry

475. and you have to get, like, an agent, there's like, all these...

476. you know, stipulations where, you know, I have to kowtow to

477. other people's opinions or I have to, like, put on a face

478. and pretend that like, I agree, it's like,

479. you know, I just want to be, like, controversial and like,

480. do whatever the fuck I want to do and like...

481. I have to find, like, something else.

482. I have to find, like, a different way.

483. I mean, I don't even think I like found it.

484. I think, like, I made it and like other people made it.

485. Good evening everyone.

486. Welcome to the Tekwar podcast.

487. This is the official podcast of The Tekwars Fan Network.

488. Tonight we have a very special guest.

489. His name is Egg White.

490. I'm glad to be speaking to such a prestigious

491. man as yourself, myself.

492. You have to make the space that you want in the world,

493. it's like— it's not going to be given to you.

494. In a lot of ways I'm not that close to, like, my family.

495. So the idea of, like, belonging to this, like, little community

496. and you all work together and can create, like, this historical moment,

497. which can, like, transcend the limitations of like, your era.

498. And then create, like, a whole new way of thinking about things.

499. You can create a whole new form of consciousness.

500. And that's what I've, like, always, you know,

501. wanted to feel with, like, other people.

502. You're surrounded by this negative energy, dude.

503. Yeah, I would identify as part of a subculture,

504. but it's very vague, I guess, where it's just...

505. a bunch of young guys

506. who have been raised with complete...

507. anonymity, like, their whole lives,

508. and they've made some use of it.

509. A lot of people have made a lot of use of it,

510. myself included, uh... but it's just kind of...

511. People who are existing between the cracks.

512. So, yeah, it's definitely mostly dudes.

513. It's like 95% dudes.

514. Most people on 4chan are dudes, because it's completely anonymous,

515. and because you can say anything you want.

516. A lot of guys feel pressured to not say things they think about.

517. Practically anything that you could say about

518. your position as a man is, kind of, alm— it's almost like taboo.

519. People like, get angry at you for saying

520. you have your own trials and tribulations, as a guy.

521. It's an outlet, but it's also...

522. it's also constructive in a few ways, I think.

523. People think they want

524. at every given opportunity.

525. They're right to think that it's like, super toxic and not inviting,

526. but I think the biggest misconception is that,

527. they're doing it for reasons other than fun.

528. What the punks would do, is they'd have—

529. They'd have concerts and they'd drink

530. and they'd break shit and they'd get into fights.

531. People of this demographic, they have—

532. They have the digital world, SO...

533. because maybe they can't do those things in the physical world.

534. Sean and me go pretty far back.

535. He was one of, like, the first couple of friends I made on— on Twitter.

536. Just like regular stuff, like, both our physical home lives are kind of...

537. kind of messed up, I guess, but...

538. we're both able to see the way that, like,

539. this world doesn't quite understand,

540. uh, people in our specific demographic yet.

541. I mean, that sounds so corny to say, but...

542. you know, the rest of the world doesn't really

543. care that much about you.

544. I mean, I do feel lonely a lot.

545. I mean, even though I have, like,

546. a lot of people that I'm friends with,

547. I have tons of people I talk to online,

548. you know, I still wonder, like, does anyone, like, actually like me?

549. Like, I have no idea.

550. You know, are they just saying stuff? Are they just being nice to me?

551. Like, you know, does anyone know who I really am?

552. You know, you're surrounded by people, not to sort of, like,

553. Increase your sense of wealthiness,

554. because, you know, there's people all around us,

555. but we're not interacting with them and I was like,

556. "Who are they? Who fucking knows?"

557. Life kind of sucks. You're just working,

558. like, kind of bad jobs. Just, just lonely.

559. When you're a man it's like, you just sort of blend in.

560. Some days, like, the only people who will talk to you,

561. is like a cashier or something,

562. That's what makes you interaction deaf.

563. A lot of these incels, I think kind of feel like,

564. they could just go along forever with their lives

565. and, like, no one will notice them.

566. Like, they feel, like, just completely abandoned.

567. People used to, like, graduate from high school

568. and like, go get a job or whatever and it's—

569. You know, things worked out pretty well for them.

570. But now that's, like, impossible,

571. you know, you have no experience in anything

572. and you're from like, a small town background

573. and you don't have any connections.

574. So, you just end up, like, back at home and your parents

575. are like, you know, telling you to go like, apply at McDonald's

576. or something because it's better than you staying at home.

577. And you're trying to, like, desperately, like, reach out,

578. to like different people maybe like online or whatever,

579. to like try to form connections that you're just, like,

580. not being able to form in the real world,

581. because like, by all possible measures, like, you're a failure,

582. and you're a loser, and you're like embarrassed

583. about yourself and what you're doing. You don't want to be seen

584. in public and when you go out in public, like, people

585. won't even fucking talk to you.

586. You know, it's not like, a totally crazy experience.

587. I mean, it's just like,

588. now, that's like, part of growing up.

589. No, I've never had a girlfriend before.

590. I'm definitely not good at talking to them,

591. or really dealing with them at all.

592. I don't know.

593. I'm in a predominantly,

594. sort of, male sphere on the internet.

595. So there's not quite as much of that.

596. If it happens, it happens.

597. If it doesn't, it doesn't. You know, it's—

598. I don't want to just be in, like...

599. a relationship just to be in a relationship or anything.

600. I'd want there to be something.

601. Um, like, it's less that...

602. like, not having a girlfriend that's bad and it's more of...

603. like, just being alienated from everyone else in general.

604. Not being close to anybody.

605. I'm not implying that, like,

606. girls can't be disaffected, obviously.

607. But it's so much more prevalent in, like, nerdy young boys,

608. I guess, to just be cast to the wayside.

609. Like their feelings aren't really that concerned.

610. They only really have each other to rely on, pretty much.

611. I think since I was a kid, I was always, like,

612. really shy and I guess my social skills too.

613. It's like, hard to word it, exactly what it is.

614. There's just some, like, disconnect from, like, being normal people.

615. I always had, like, a fantasy of, like, kind of wanting to live, like,

616. out in the woods, build my own house or something,

617. and kind of just, like, live off the land,

618. but that's becoming less and less realistic

619. as society advances and just where my life is going now, but...

620. - It's good to be trigger-disciplined and— -Yeah, yeah.

621. A lot of people just like, think their, like,

622. future is like predefined, like,

623. at a super early age, even when it's not,

624. so they make, like, terrible decisions, like,

625. oh, just failing all your classes,

626. never going to school and everything and—

627. And you just kind of have to live with those the rest of your life.

628. I'm gonna blow up some slugs, man!

629. Oh, these dangerous online people.

630. Not every person who's posting, like, an Elliot Rodger meme

631. online is actually going to go shoot somebody.

632. Like, that's not true.

633. There's the troll aspect

634. and then there's the people taking it seriously aspect.

635. They think, "Okay, what do people hate most?"

636. And then they just become that,

637. because it gets a reaction every time.

638. And then some of them forget that they're playing the character.

639. The next thing you know, they end up in like a place like Charlottesville.

640. Obviously, there are people that are so disenfranchised,

641. so alienated, so demonized in whatever way,

642. that they feel like their only choice is

643. to lash out in whatever way they can and—

644. I'm not like, excusing that or anything,

645. but do— what, that happens for no reason?

646. Do people, like, really think that?

647. They won't even, like...

648. think about why these people are doing what they're doing.

649. They're just so disconnected from it.

650. They refuse to even, like, acknowledge it.

651. A lot of these people that are in these communities,

652. they feel like they're not good enough, you know?

653. They don't have like a— some kind of

654. talent or skill, or something that's,

655. like, widely respected, but they're able to go online

656. and do these things and be appreciated for what they're doing.

657. There's the— the mischievous aspects,

658. but it's definitely majorly about community.

659. I mean, it does feel good to make someone with, like,

660. 100,000 followers look like a fucking idiot.

661. That— that will never change, but it's not about doing that.

662. It's about showing your friends that you did it, right?

663. The next one will be great.

664. I promise you.

665. I think I got the computer a little. Oh, yeah?

666. Sure, people just come here to get drunk.

667. I respect that.

668. It's lit.

669. I mean, the whole incel thing it's not—

670. You know, the news stories about, you know,

671. "Incels, they're killing people.”

672. It's just dumb shit like that.

673. You know, they act like it's this fucking group that's

674. conspiring to, I don't know, hate on women.

675. And, you know, it's just a bunch of fucking dudes killing time.

676. This place is fucked.

677. You know, look at misogyny on Twitter.

678. It's like anything else on Twitter, fucking,

679. saying the N-word or anything else.

680. It's just funny because it is. It makes people mad,

681. and the people that get mad about fucking tweets

682. are fucking retards, so it's funny to make them mad.

683. It's the same thing with like— like, people on Twitter.

684. They're like, "Oh, fucking SJWs... their PC culture," that—

685. I feel like that's just not really real.

686. I mean, I've never met anyone like that at all.

687. It might be different for you living in fucking Los Angeles,

688. but I have lived in Texas pretty much my whole life.

689. Check that out.

690. I mean when you came to El Paso, that was a weird fucking time for me.

691. I was— I mean, you know, I was going through...

692. I don't know, I just was feeling really fucking bad.

693. I mean...

694. yeah, I just felt pretty fucking miserable at the time.

695. I look back at that and say, "What the fuck was I doing?"

696. Like, there's a whole fucking part of my life

697. that's just this—

698. Like, I don't remember being...

699. you know, fucking 18, for instance.

700. It's just fucking gone.

701. I mean, I'm mostly over that now.

702. I've just started going out more and doing shit with myself.

703. I mean, nothing that really matters, you know, going out and drinking whatever.

704. Shit like that.

705. That just makes it feel better in general.

706. Like I said, you know, makes you feel like you're an actual fucking person.

707. Oh, yeah, sure, man.

708. As long as you're out of your house you feel

709. like you're doing something.

710. I like getting into shit.

711. Not real trouble, but yeah, sort of.

712. I still have the fucking scar.

713. Kind of faded, but...

714. People like to fuck with me because I'm big,

715. and like I said, I don't just fucking walk away.

716. I don't— I don't fucking take it. I tell 'em

717. to go fuck themselves and that pisses 'em off,

718. because I don't think people really expect that.

719. I grew up in El Paso. That's a Mexican Town.

720. That's Texas times ten.

721. They're all about the fucking machismo, man.

722. I don't know. My Twitter account, it might come across

723. that I'm, you know, real fucking miserable.

724. I'm not.

725. I mean, sometimes I'll feel like

726. I'm not going anywhere in my life and...

727. that's not really true honestly,

728. but sometimes you just feel that way.

729. I think a lot of people feel fucking isolated

730. and like there's nowhere to go in life.

731. And, you know, so they just say, "Fuck it."

732. And live really poorly, you know, fucking,

733. take drugs, drink all the fucking time,

734. and just fucking overdose, or drink themselves to death.

735. Or just, you know, fucking kill themselves outright.

736. When there's, uh, less going on for you in the first place,

737. it's easier to just say, "Fuck it," you know?

738. I mean, people just want to tell, like,

739. their stories about different things.

740. So I get a lot of messages there of like

741. really crazy stuff.

742. Of like, people telling me these really— their long stories,

743. about what's happened to them in their life

744. and I get people, like...

745. messaging me about, like, their abuse that they've had,

746. or, you know, they're in a bad relationship,

747. or, you know, they don't have any friends to talk to.

748. I mean, I don't feel very qualified to give people advice.

749. I mostly just tell them to,

750. you know, I just try and do— listen to people.

751. But a lot of the time, I don't know what to say.

752. So, I think it's important just to like—

753. Just so people can talk to somebody.

754. So, like I'm not like a— a player or anything,

755. or like a ladies man,

756. like I'm far from it,

757. but I found like I have more success with women

758. as time has gone on, just because, like, I have more interests in things.

759. Um, so I can talk about, like, the books that I like and, you know...

760. I find that just women just like t— you know,

761. people who have their own interests,

762. and you know, or their own people.

763. So...

764. I can't say that, like, I'm like the bigger, like, incel, like, anymore.

765. So, I mean, I do worry about like, all these—

766. All these guys because I see so much potential in them.

767. And, you know, I know what they're, like, going through

768. and what path they're taking

769. and I want to help them however, you know, I can to

770. get beyond all of this and sort of realize that,

771. you know, they have the power to create their own minds.

772. Someone like Sean, he could be something, like, really great.

773. Like, something like incredible. He could be like

774. a great novelist, a great philosopher.

775. He could be somebody who really,

776. like, makes a huge impact on society.

777. So, when I joined Twitter, the guy

778. that got me really into reading was KantBot,

779. and I've pretty much read everything that he suggested.

780. People settle for being, like, the complete nerd who just reads a bunch of books,

781. or the bodybuilder who's, like, ripped where it's just like,

782. he doesn't care about anything else.

783. It's like, like, "No, motherfucker.

784. You have to be both."

785. I work two jobs,

786. and my mom has cancer, and it's cold as shit.

787. I wake up at six a.m. every morning.

788. And first thing I do is just have a small cup of fruit,

789. drink some water. Then like, 30 minutes later, I'm...

790. uh, starting squats.

791. So, I do everything before I head off to work.

792. That usually takes about...

793. an hour fifteen, an hour and a half.

794. Like, a lot of people are just starting lifting.

795. They're asking me for advice.

796. It's physically a good thing, but it's also mentally a good thing...

797. because a lot of people just do nothing, you know?

798. But obviously a lot of guys just do it for chicks, but...

799. I don't know, the whole chicks thing is just like,

800. people do a lot of things for girls, you know?

801. Yeah, since I've started, I've definitely gotten more attention from girls.

802. Like, considerably, but...

803. you know, that's not...

804. like, the driving force at this point, or anything.

805. With this whole incel phenomenon it's—

806. Ironically there's never been an easier time to get laid ever,

807. but it's like, that's not what it's about, it's like,

808. I've had people ask if I was gay "cause I didn't want to hook up,

809. and it's like...

810. it's so far removed from reality and it's like,

811. that's the joke, but... the joke is also that there kind of is no joke at this point.

812. It's kind of pathetic.

813. It's like, how can you make me better in the ways

814. that I actually care about, it's like...

815. caring about me now and caring about me a year from now

816. is like, a completely different thing,

817. and it's like I'm looking for someone

818. who's going to care about me a year from now.

819. I don't want to settle for something because it's like

820. I'm not even settling for myself.

821. I feel like I'm always pushing myself.

822. It's like a full-time job to fight the effects of modernity

823. and all the atrophy and stuff like that, so.

824. We live in the most wealthy country in the world.

825. It's like, we are the— the most powerful country in the world.

826. It's like, you would know it... right?

827. Everything's about, like, some grind culture.

828. It's like, grind in your 20s and grind in your 30s

829. and grind in your 40s and grind yourself to the bone.

830. It's like, there's no character building happening anywhere,

831. but now I'm looking more to compete in power lifting.

832. So, I'm taking my training a bit more seriously now.

833. It's precisely because life isn't a meritocracy that it—

834. It just— it doesn't faze me when someone has something that's better than me.

835. It doesn't matter. It's like, you can't— you can't change it.

836. I think my tolerance for most things has increased.

837. I think my...

838. proclivity for confrontation has also increased. I'm a pretty quiet person, but I generally...

839. uh, I'm generally pretty mean to people when they deserve it now.

840. Okay.

841. That was pretty difficult.

842. Upon further thought,

843. yeah, it's been a very long two years.

844. On May 1st, I, uh, tweeted a, uh, joke about, uh,

845. drifting my Miata into the mayday protesters in Seattle,

846. while blasting, uh, "Super Eurobeat."

847. Then I guess somebody reported it

848. and they banned my Twitter and...

849. It's gone.

850. "Do you have white, teenage sons? Listen up. I've been watching my boys' online behavior and noticed

851. that social media and vloggers are actively laying groundwork

852. in white teens to turn them into alt-right or white supremacists.”

853. And there's like, this long thread.

854. One of the suggestions is,

855. "You can also watch political comedy shows with him,

856. like Trevor Noah, John Oliver, Has an Minhaj.

857. Talk about what makes their jokes funny.

858. Who are the butt of the jokes? Do they punch up or down?"

859. And I can't think

860. of anything that would be less interesting to, like, a teenager,

861. than to be sitting with your mom watching, like, a comedy show

862. and having to write an essay on why it's funny

863. and why it's acceptable.

864. If you try to do something like that, they're going to be...

865. so turned off by that entire spectrum,

866. that you're doing way more harm than good if that's your goal.

867. I don't want to blame our parents too bad.

868. I get it's—- it's hard being a parent

869. especially when you don't have a lot of money,

870. but it's really hard for— for kids

871. to have, like, interests and not

872. have anybody like...

873. a caretaker sort of figure

874. that will express interest in what you're into.

875. It's the elephant in the room, right?

876. The failings of the broader education system

877. and just general authority figures in people's lives,

878. specifically children's lives.

879. A lot of them are bored.

880. I think more than anything.

881. People who are bored have the most potential to cause trouble.

882. The Joker movie had law enforcement on high alert

883. long before it hit the big screen.

884. So much so, Seattle Police spotted this tweet

885. of a man holding two AK-47-like guns,

886. with the words "One ticket for Joker, please."

887. Redmond Police say the man in the photo is 23 year old,

888. Charels...

889. Can you introduce me as Joker?

890. Besides the threat about The Joker,

891. they say he made threats of violence against women.

892. "I really want to punch a woman so hard her entire body just buckles and collapses.”

893. We contacted the individual safely outside their residence.

894. He was very cooperative, compliant, uh,

895. and spoke to us and turned over all of his firearms.

896. I think absolutely it's the right thing to do. Yeah,

897. we don— we don't need people like that threatening,

898. um, our families and people like that

899. that are going to the theater and enjoying family time.

900. He told police he never planned to hurt anyone.

901. The reason that Trump won is that,

902. you had like, the media hegemony

903. of interpreting, like, reality, right?

904. And people just, like, rejected that

905. and realized that they could do whatever they want.

906. And that, like, there's no Monopoly on truth

907. that's held by, like, CNN and MSNBC and like,

908. there's like— the establishment in terms of,

909. like, creating a narrative, has lost all of its power.

910. It's not really about taking anything over, so to speak.

911. It's just about, like, defining reality for yourself.

912. I mean, this is like, the nature, like,

913. of consciousness is like

914. each tweet is a moment of consciousness

915. and they're all connected by your brand.

916. The "feeling when no girlfriend" boys,

917. you can like, scorn them for, like, not following the like...

918. the set path, but really, they're the ones

919. who are paving the way for everyone in the future, because

920. they're the ones who are, you know, preparing for

921. the demise of these institutions which, you know,

922. are no longer supporting, you know, the— the synthesis,

923. or the unity of our— our society as a whole.

924. Personally, I don't think that anything is more, like, hopeful.

925. There's no sense that...

926. you know, because...

927. people are posting on Twitter or doing a podcast

928. or whatever, that like, the modern condition IS any more...

929. you know, bearable, but as long as that process continues,

930. I still think it's hopeful in a sense that it's, like, continuing.

931. Rough day, huh? Life seems meaningless, huh?

932. Well, you're correct. Its purpose must be chosen by you.

933. Understand that sadness and pain is a natural part of life,

934. but it isn't what life revolves around.

935. Learn to enjoy the ride and seek out beauty in your surroundings.

936. Free your mind. Wake up.

937. I used to feel that way, like, just hating everything in the modern world.

938. Shit like this, you know?

939. Fucking highways and factories and shit.

940. I just think it's fucking ugly, awful and just inhuman, but...

941. we fucking grow to, uh, you know, appreciate it and think it's like...

942. You know, it's like fucking, dystopian movies,

943. fucking Blade Runner or...

944. I can't think of any others off the top of my head but, like...

945. I remember I was on that Greyhound bus to get here.

946. And it was late at night and everyone was just fucking tired and miserable,

947. and I'm sitting with this dude I've never—

948. You know, I never met the guy, just on the fucking bus,

949. and, you know, we just start talking.

950. He's like, "Fuck, man. This fucking sucks, huh?"

951. It's like, "Yeah, man, but shit, we're in it together,"

952. you know, it's like that. It's like, "Fuck it.

953. We're— we're all living it. Try and enjoy it."

954. It's like, is it about Kyle? Is about KantBot?

955. Is it about Viddy and Charels?

956. There are striking similarities between all of them.

957. So, it's like, this archetype story, I guess.

958. So, it's not just mine. It's— it's other people's story as well.

959. I think that, the "TFW no GF" thing's an idea that's

960. not confined to this period of time,

961. it's like, you go look at the graffiti in Pompeii.

962. There's people "TFW no GF" posting.

963. It's like, the whole point is just, if you know someone who's

964. having a hard time, give them a call.

965. It's like, okay, no one else is going to...

966. you know, pamper you through life, but it's like,

967. you have three other dudes in, like, some group chat and it's like...

968. it's like these are your closest friends in the whole world.

969. My hopes would be that I just don't stagnate, I guess.

970. I want to keep, you know, moving forward with myself

971. and, you know, get some shit done.

972. It's not really all that elaborate.

973. Like, you know, starting a career and...

974. meeting new people, seeing new things.

975. Just normal, everyday stuff.

976. Every day, I don't even know if I'm going to make it.

977. Like, you don't know what's going to happen.

978. Maybe things will get better.

979. Maybe they'll get worse.

980. "There was a post about, or shooting women"

981. Yeah.

982. "Was there ever, uh

983. was that ever, like, some sort of desire that you had, or urge that you had?"

984. No.

985. "Do you consider, do you assoicate yourself, with the incel community?

986. No, I have a girlfriend and everything.

987. I'll say we're all going to make it.

988. I'll say that. I'll give that sound bite.

989. We're all going to make it.

990. The experiences of some of these people are not, like,

991. totally outside of the realm

992. of things that happen in history.

993. It's not like, you know, they're going to the, uh,

994. you know, concentration camps or whatever.

995. At the end of the day, you're making a movie about life.

996. You're making a movie about people's lives, right?

997. It's like, what's the end of life?

998. What's the point of life?

999. You want to have something at the end of the movie,

1000. where you say what the point of life is?

1001. It's like, that's ridiculous.

1002. So like, Faust's quest, he's like searching for Helena

1003. and he's like, searching for the other part of himself,

1004. in like, Helena,

1005. which is why he goes to the underworld

1006. and he's like riding on a centaur and shit.

1007. And like, trying to like, rescue her from Hades,

1008. but the whole point of the book is that, like,

1009. that's not like— that isn't the end of the book,

1010. like, that's not what happens in the end.

1011. That's not what, like, breaks the curse

1012. like Mephistopheles has placed on him,

1013. because the whole premise of the book is, like,

1014. Mephistopheles is saying that, when you reach a point,

1015. where you wish that, like,

1016. this mome— like a moment can last for infinity,

1017. is that then you will, like, have your soul redeemed,

1018. and like, the bargain that you made with the devil,

1019. be like, undone and you'll be able to, like, go to heaven.

1020. So like, that ultimately has nothing to do with, like, Helena,

1021. and then he goes on to, like, raise the city of Atlantis and shit, so...