- 1. Left! 3rd!
- 2. Here's Jean-Louis Schlesser
in his mean machine,
- 3. Proudly bearing the number 10,
like soccer star Zidane
- 4. 30 meters, then left and brake!
- 5. World rally champion in both '98 and '99...
- 6. winner of the Paris - Dakar rallye:
He's the man to beat!
- 7. Left, top speed!
- 8. Hey Jean-Louis, get a move on!
We're about to get slaughtered!
- 9. I'm pedal to the metal!
- 10. The guy behind must have a longer pedal then!
- 11. That asshole's actually flashing me!
Isn't that Vatanen?
- 12. Err... no, it's a taxi!
- 13. Are you gonna move your trash away or not?
You know, I'm working here!
- 14. You're sure we're one the right road?
- 15. Don't worry, it's a short cut!
- 16. A short cut...?
- 17. Are you gonna allow a TAXI to pass you?
- 18. No freakin' way!
- 19. I don't believe this! Sorry, folks,
there's some tourist holding up traffic!
- 20. Looks more like a race car to me...!
- 21. Nah, just some jerk showing off
with a couple o' race stickers...
- 22. You know, a taxi on our tail will sure
look bad at the finish line!
- 23. Don't worry, there's an opening...
I'll shake him off!
- 24. D'you see that?
That asshole rammed me!
- 25. I'm gonna have to pass him
or we'll be here all week!
- 26. Don't worry honey, we're almost there!
- 27. Why... why are there so many people here?
- 28. Of course they are!
They're on vacation!
- 29. Aah, I see...!
- 30. Go, Jean Louis!
Bravo, Jean Louis!
- 31. And here's number 10 —
It's NOT Schlesser...!
- 32. It's a... taxi...
- 33. I didn't catch his number...
- 34. 17 min, 25 sec!
- 35. As always, the passengers throw up
after, never during the ride...
- 36. Are you alright, honey?
- 37. Who's the patient?
- 38. She is! Her waters broke!
- 39. Allow me.
- 40. But you're giving birth here!
- 41. What did you think?
I ain't knitting!
- 42. Fetch me my gear!
No time to lose, we'll do it right here!
- 43. Hey doc, I'm sorry but I gotta run!
Plus my seats are brand-new...
- 44. can't you just do it in the road?
- 45. Sir! Her waters broke!
- 46. "Her garters broke...?"
- 47. Push!
- 48. Breathe! Breathe!
Now push! Push!
- 49. Oh hi Lily, what's up?
- 50. The family dinner, remember?
With MY folks? You're half an hour late!
- 51. I'll be there ASAP!
- 52. Daniel, after 6 months I found the
courage to show you my dad...
- 53. And now that he's expecting you,
you're taking a road trip?
- 54. But this is a super-big emergency!
- 55. What do you consider my folks then?
- 56. Oh Lily, come on!
- 57. Mom's so edgy that she dropped the roastbeef,
dad's pacing the floor - but hey, take your time!
- 58. Lily, sorry but I can't come any faster.
I'm stuck tight here!
- 59. What do you mean, "stuck"?
Who's that yelling?
- 60. Err... it's... it's a woman...
- 61. Thanks, I recognize a woman
even if she sounds like a donkey!
- 62. What are you doing exactly, Daniel?
- 63. Nothing, I'm just watching here!
It's not what you think! You hear me?
- 64. I can hear that bitch alright!
- 65. Tell me, is it someone I know?
- 66. No! And anyway, I don't know her either!
I swear I've never seen her before!
- 67. Oh, yes I feel it now...!
I CAN FEEL IT:!
- 68. Hey, are you fucking with me?
- 69. You're banging some slut in your taxi
when I want you to meet my parents?
- 70. Not at all! There's this fat woman,
yelling because her garters broke...
- 71. and her husband is holding her...!
- 72. What, her husband, too?
A threesome in a car?
- 73. Oh, dear...! Can someone please explain
to her because I don't think I can...
- 74. You here!
This is your fault so give it your best!
- 75. Hello m'am, I'm the husband...
and it's just wonderful...
- 76. Come on, push!
- 77. Listen, Lily...!
- 78. Give me his number Daniel,
I'll forward it to the morgue...!
- 79. He's shaken 'cause he's dropped the big pin,
do you want to talk to the doctor?
- 80. What, there's a doctor, too?
- 81. Lily, I swear it's the truth!
- 82. There...!
- 83. - Oh, the baby's coming out!
- 84. It's a baby.
I swear it's a baby, Lily!
- 85. Baby?
- 86. Well yes, I can see the head!
At least I think it's a head...!
- 87. You made a baby in my back?
- 88. Of course not!
- 89. He doesn't look at all like me, I swear!
He's as wrinkly as an old garden gnome!
- 90. There...
- 91. Oh, it's wonderful...!
- 92. - You're getting me confused here...
- Just listen for a second!
- 93. This woman was ready to have her baby boy,
but instead of giving birth IN the clinic...
- 94. she had him IN FRONT
of the clinic, in MY taxi!
- 95. And now she's ruined my back seat!
- 96. Hey, don't hit that poor kid,
what's he done to you!
- 97. Finally, we'll be able to talk!
- 98. It's marvellous!
- 99. Next time you're at a childbirth,
I hope it'll be mine!
- 100. No problem Lily, I can sit here and wait
if you like. This clinic looks just fine.
- 101. You have 10 minutes to get over here!
- 102. You're done, no twins for today?
Can we wrap up, doc? I really gotta run!
- 103. Ah there you are, hon!
What's wrong, a problem with your friend?
- 104. It's nothing, an emergency at the hospital.
A difficult childbirth.
- 105. I understand. Saving lives all day like that...
It deserves respect!
- 106. I don't know what to say.
You were just awesome!
- 107. I know!
- 108. I hope you won't lose your license
after taking all those risks...
- 109. Don't worry sir,
I don't have a license!
- 110. I am quite pleased...
actually moved, even...
- 111. to hand you your... first...
- 112. driver's... license!
- 113. - Are you sure?
- Oh yeah, absolutely!
- 114. But I feel like I'm twisting your arm here...
- 115. Oh no, there can be no doubt about it!
It was very, very good!
- 116. I know it's my 27th attempt
but that shouldn't be a reason...!
- 117. Oh no no no - you know, your 100th
attempt would still be the same!
- 118. You're ready... really ready.
- 119. Ok, I accept.
- 120. That's VERY good.
- 121. I'll just back out, then.
- 122. NOOO!
- 123. Leave it!
No touching! Leave it!
- 124. I'll do it! I'll sort it out!
- 125. Exactly! We'll sort it out!
- 126. Thanks for trusting me...
So I got my license, yes or no?
- 127. Oh yes... yesyesyes you do!
- 128. But don't go to extremes, ok?
You have to take it slowly, see?
- 129. That license, you're HOLDING it.
And now you're gonna WALK home, see?
- 130. I see. Ok, I'll take it.
I'll call tomorrow in case you regret it.
- 131. Oh no you won't!
I'm not here tomorrow... will ever be, actually.
- 132. I've asked for a transfer,
I'm moving to Paris!
- 133. Oh I see...
So this is a leaving present?
- 134. You're still my most assiduous pupil!
- 135. Yeah, right... "assiduous"!
- 136. Car Weekly, please.
- 137. No no, that's ok.
It's my pleasure!
- 138. Mom, he's here! Mom!
- 139. Oh...? Yes!
Yes, of course! Let's eat!
- 140. I'm sorry Lily, it won't happen again.
- 141. If you screw up there won't be a next time!
My dad won't give you a second chance.
- 142. Oh, come on.
I'm sure he's nice deep down inside.
- 143. How else could he have made a daughter
with such beautiful blue eyes!
- 144. Go on, keep smirking...
You just better be careful!
- 145. Don't worry, It'll be fine.
I love him already so why shouldn't he like me?
- 146. - Hey... I hope he's not a cop?
- 147. Well there's no problem, then!
Ain't nothing worse than a cop!
- 148. Dad? I'd like you to meet
my boyfriend, Daniel.
- 149. So you're a doctor?
- 150. Go on... and good luck!
- 151. So pleased to meet you!
Lily told me so much - only nice things!
- 152. Is your hearing impaired or
you don't like to answer questions?
- 153. I'm not a physician...
An apprentice! I'm an apprentice, sir!
- 154. What year?
- 155. 1st year... I mean,
I'm just about to change into 2nd!
- 156. 2nd year?
- 157. - You don't look so young, though.
- 158. What, "Edmond"?
I'm just inspecting a new recruit here!
- 159. Answer me!
- 160. You're right sir, I'm not young anymore
because I've worked a lot of jobs...
- 161. to feed my family
and pay for my licens... studies.
- 162. I started when I was 12 so of course
it made me age faster...
- 163. What jobs?
- 164. Right now I'm driving a tax... ambulance!
- 165. That's why I was late,
I got delayed at the clinic!
- 166. But that's ok, it keeps me on the edge.
An eye on the road, an eye on the patient!
- 167. Doing 2 things at once, isn't that
the surest way to fail them both?
- 168. Excuse me, sir, but I have to disagree.
Indeed, just look at yourself!
- 169. Oh? What do you mean?
- 170. I can see a lot of decorations there...
- 171. proving you've had a successful career.
- 172. And I see this young women - pretty,
intelligent and very well-educated.
- 173. This clearly proves that you successfully
managed to do 2 things at once.
- 174. I drove an ambulance, too.
It was in '59, in Algeria.
- 175. An eye on the road,
an eye on the machine gun!
- 176. We'll see to the wounded later...
if they're still alive!
- 177. Edmond? My roast beef may be dead,
but it still needs treatment!
- 178. Affirmative! I'm starving! Forward!
- 179. The worst is still ahead of you:
paying attention to 3 hours of war stories!
- 180. Don't worry, I'm shifting to neutral gear.
I'll just be gently coasting along!
- 181. I hope I didn't hurt you?
- 182. Not at all.
- 183. Oh good, because I thought I heard
your hip crack and... OUCH!
- 184. Guess it was MY hip then!
- 185. Sorry 卌ilien. You want 5 minutes?
- 186. No no, I'm ok - doing great!
- 187. I just took a bad posture because
I was afraid to hurt you - but it'll pass.
- 188. Actually it's past already,
I'm just fine!
- 189. I would've massaged it for you..
but if you tell me you're fine... great!
- 190. I'm fine on the surface, yes...
- 191. but deep down, there's still
a little pain, some stiffness...
- 192. So maybe a little massage... just a small one!
- 193. OK, guys, we'll finish today with
a little fight for 5 minutes...
- 194. Bow!
- 195. Would you like someone at your level?
- 196. Oh no, I'll be ok.
- 197. - Fight!
- But I really don't want to hurt you...
- 198. I'm really touched by
your concern, 卌ilien.
- 199. So you want a piece of me?
- 200. I'm warning you. I started at the age of 4.
I'm going to teach you a thing or two!
- 201. That's unfair! Your smile could melt a radiator,
how am I supposed to concentrate?
- 202. A guy in the street wouldn't smile at you.
Seriously, it's perturbing!
- 203. Ok listen up, you sumos!
- 204. Red alert!
We're meeting with the chief in 5 minutes!
- 205. What's wrong 卌ilien?
Did you lose your lenses?
- 206. Yeah, but I can see you well enough
to kick your ass so FUCK OFF!
- 207. You know, I'm just trying to help!
- 208. Tell me, you done a lot of judo?
- 209. Nah, only a couple of times.
It's not my kind of sport.
- 210. What is your kind of sport then?
- 211. Karate. It's far more effective!
- 212. Mine's ping pong - maybe not as good to fight,
but hey, the spirit is the same:
- 213. Spirit of Rising Sun!
- 214. Con-nichon-aah!
- 215. See, it's easy. "Con"...
"consummate idiot" like Emilien!
- 216. Thank you...
- 217. Then, "nichon" like -
- 218. I'm not saying this for you, Petra.
I know you have... uh, it's just an example!
- 219. And "a" as in "aaaah"!
- 220. Now, you.
- 221. Not bad.
- 222. What's it mean, exactly?
- 223. That's "hello" in Japanese.
- 224. Remember that, because today
we're welcoming in Marseille
- 225. the Japanese Minister of Defence.
- 226. Mr Tefu... Temuchila...
- 227. Mr Tef... Tejus.. let's just call him the Nip!
The nip's flying directly from Tokyo.
- 228. And before the Franco-Japanese summit
the day after Bastille Day in Paris
- 229. he's visiting our charming town.
You know why?
- 230. The climate?
- 231. The sights?
- 232. Sure, the sights...
- 233. The food?
- 234. The pastis?
- 235. The soccer match on Saturday!
- 236. What a big bunch of nerds!
- 237. To visit our anti-gang training base!
- 238. The Japs have a problem with their local
mob, the jacuzzis... Yakuza
- 239. Who are growing bigger every day,
even kidnapping members of the government!
- 240. The Defense Minister has visited
England, Germany and now... France.
- 241. Let's get one thing clear:
- 242. the Krauts and the Limeys
must not win the contract!
- 243. We whipped their ass during the last
Soccer World Cup, let's keep the title!
- 244. So I've planned
a detailed operation,
- 245. that I'll now present.
- 246. I've baptised it...
- 247. Operation...
- 248. Ninja!
- 249. We're almost through,
he's out of ammo!
- 250. When suddenly... no more ammo!
- 251. Guess that's only natural
after all that shooting...
- 252. Yeah, only natural.
- 253. I then I turn to Raymond.
Here he is.
- 254. I shake him!
- 255. "Raymond, your ammo!" I say.
- 256. I shake him again!
- 257. he falls sideways. Dead!
- 258. That's terrible!
- 259. My whole unit is wiped out!
- 260. I am still standing.
Alone. The car's on fire...
- 261. the radio's gone...
My flask is half-empty!
- 262. Oh no, that's terrible!
So, what did you do?
- 263. Well I prayed!
- 264. And rightly so, Edmond!
- 265. First because it was all I could do.
Second, because only a miracle'd save me!
- 266. A miracle! We're saved!
- 267. Oh no! Now what? Get that, hon,
can't you see I'm in battle!
- 268. Edmond, it's the red phone!
- 269. The red phone?
- 270. General Bertineau speaking.
- 271. It's you Bertrand?
Why are you calling on the red phone?
- 272. Well done, Daniel.
You'll get dessert!
- 273. My god! I completely forgot!
- 274. No problem. I'll be there!
- 275. It's a catastrophy.
- 276. We'll save you some coffee!
- 277. I'll be back in 1 hour!
- 278. I want you. Right now.
- 279. Give me 20 seconds, ok?
- 280. To the airport, and fast!
- 281. Won't be easy!
- 282. It's a catastrophy.
- 283. Dad!
- 284. Dad! You OK? You're hurt?
- 285. It's a catastrophy.
- 286. I'm afraid your car'll be kinda slow now!
- 287. I must be at the airport in 15 minutes
to greet Japan's Defense Minister.
- 288. It's a catastrophy.
- 289. If you want I'll get you there in time.
- 290. In 15 minutes? Impossible.
- 291. I can do it, sir!
- 292. Fasten your seatbelt, dad.
- 293. That's your ambulance?
- 294. No sir, it's a taxi.
- 295. My brother loaned it to me.
- 296. Can you save me some dessert?
- 297. I'm saving you two...
- 298. Maybe we should get going now!
- 299. And here we go!
- 300. Don't worry, we're crawling 'cause
of these tires but they'll soon warm up!
- 301. Yeah but don't overheat, son!
- 302. Now look, kid.
This is the new Cortex 500.
- 303. It's the Rolls Royce of speed traps!
- 304. You turn it on in the back,
the read out is immediate at the front!
- 305. Then, you go to the roadside.
- 306. You put your arm out ever so slightly...
- 307. But I think you better get
trained on the old model first.
- 308. Are we already on the highway?
- 309. No... but don't worry,
I can finally put the hammer down!
- 310. No wonder you work in the emergency room!
- 311. It's a catastrophy.
- 312. Chief! We got a bite!
- 313. Shit, that's a big one!
- 314. 306?
- 315. I think it was rather a 406 model.
And not from a regular factory!
- 316. I mean 306 km/h, you moron!
Warn the bikers!
- 317. Yes?
- 318. A white taxi at 306 km/t, I repeat...
- 319. - 306 km/h, 306!
- That's it, 306...
- 320. OK, we'll get him!
- 321. Are you OK, sir?
- 322. There! It's him!
- 323. I must get there first to greet him!
- 324. Let's change tactics, then!
- 325. Where are you going?
This isn't the road!
- 326. Don't worry, it's a short cut!
- 327. Hold on!
- 328. I have a UFO on runway 1!
- 329. "Yield to aircraft"
- 330. We have just landed at Marignal.
Outside temperature: 35 degrees.
- 331. We hope you enjoyed your flight
and thank you for flying with us!
- 332. Excuse me, Chief, there's a taxi's coming.
- 333. What? Can't hear a thing
with all that noise!
- 334. I repeat: taxi inbound.
- 335. But I never ordered a taxi.
Did you, 卌ilien?
- 336. No, but I know this one!
- 337. 14 minutes 30!
- 338. That's great.
- 339. Bertineau, why the taxi?
- 340. We lost a vehicle, sir.
This young man quasi saved my life.
- 341. Con-nichon-aah!
- 342. Hello!
- 343. What'd he say?
- 344. Same as you, chief!
- 345. Oh jeez...!
- 346. Err.. Me, Gibert. Me protect you
during your vacat... err, stay.
- 347. This is our own Minister.
Say hi... that's him...
- 348. Dear Minister!
What a pleasure to meet you...
- 349. I'm honored to welcome you here.
- 350. I'm a member of your security team.
- 351. We wish you a nice stay.
- 352. You speak Japanese very well!
- 353. A little.
If I can help in any way, just ask.
- 354. Pleased to meet you.
- 355. Only the blonde girl speaks Japanese.
- 356. I copy. Go back to base.
- 357. Allow us to offer you a cocktail!
This way, please.
- 358. Petra, you should've told me that you speak
Japanese! Now I feel like an idiot!
- 359. But it's written on my file!
Right below my measurements...
- 360. Guess I never read that far, then...
- 361. Please do me a favor, son.
- 362. See that taxi over there?
- 363. Sure I do!
- 364. Oh, I'd love to give you a ride, honey,
but I'm busy. Maybe next time?
- 365. Always in the right place, eh?
- 366. Oh stop it. Know who that guy was?
- 367. Sure! General Bertineau,
Commander of the Med. Basin...
- 368. - ... and Lily's dad!
- No shit!
- 369. - I swear! I was there for lunch.
- That's unbelievable!
- 370. Just my luck - you know
that I can't stand the army!
- 371. Well you couldn't stand
cops either, but now...
- 372. I still can't stand them!
I can stand you, that's all!
- 373. Anyway, don't know what you're
worrying about. He seems to like you...
- 374. he even asked me to go get
you for the cocktail!
- 375. A cocktail... with half cops, half soldiers?
It's not a cocktail, it's a nightmare!
- 376. Guess you'd prefer half mechanics,
half gas station attendants? Oh, come on.
- 377. You know, the small talk
is the same everywhere:
- 378. cars, sports and chicks!
You'll fit in fine.
- 379. Except I'll feel ashamed to be there!
- 380. Listen... if Bertineau is Lily's father...
- 381. he might end up as
Daniel's father-in-law, right?
- 382. What will Daniel's father-in law
think if you say no?
- 383. One drink, no more.
- 384. - "Martini"?
- Yeah, Martine, like my sister!
- 385. Alright, one last for the road...
You can't get any worse, anyway!
- 386. Thanks!
- 387. Sure, the "g漮eau" is good, it's locally made.
Right next to the police station.
- 388. Gibert...
- 389. Excuse me. Just empty it,
I'll fetch you another one!
- 390. Listen Gibert, don't get him too stewed,
he still needs to sign the contract!
- 391. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
I'm just softening him up a bit...
- 392. he's nearly done, now!
- 393. But is your plan "done"?
- 394. Sir, it's hearsed and rehearsed to death!
- 395. It's fine-tuned... to the second.
- 396. My daughter told me a lot about you,
but you're not what I had imagined...
- 397. No offense meant, but for a bright
2nd-year medical student...
- 398. I expected you to be a bit more...
- 399. Pimply?
- 400. "Pimply", yes... and a slower driver!
- 401. Yes, he's definitely the
"fastest" doctor I know!
- 402. Anyway, I'm very grateful indeed.
I owe you... a military debt!
- 403. Ask me for anything, except for
the hand of my daughter, of course!
- 404. Of course not...!
But I can't think of anything else.
- 405. My offer is valid for 1 year,
parts and labor!
- 406. Excuse me...
- 407. Go ahead.
- 408. 卌ilien, start Operation Ninja.
- 409. Get in position. Petra,
keep an eye on him!
- 410. Why'd he say that?
- 411. I didn't know you had
plenty of friends with the cops?
- 412. Friends, friends - yeah one, maybe.
- 413. Good! That's very rare.
Most kids today are anti-cops,
- 414. anti-army, anti-everything!
They want to kill the father figure.
- 415. Sir, I'm sorry but
my patients are waiting.
- 416. Wait! Just 5 more minutes.
You'll find this very interesting.
- 417. They'll try to sell a car to the JAPS?
- 418. "Impossible" is not a French word!
- 419. Dear friends, I give you... the "Cobra"!
- 420. Specially designed to protect
- 421. Titanium bodywork.
- 422. Multiple side panels,
that can resist any bullet!
- 423. Missile detectors, front and back!
- 424. And the coating: stealth!
- 425. Four solid tires! It's permanently linked
to the Atlas satellite...
- 426. and if need be, can be piloted...
from our HQ!
- 427. Now for the engine...
- 428. Ninja!
- 429. Nice noise!
It sings, for a V12.
- 430. V12 engine, twin turbos.
- 431. Top speed: 320 km/h!
- 432. 900 km.
- 433. 2 airbags in the front, 2 in the back,
4 at the sides...
- 434. a total of 8 for maximum protection.
- 435. Ladies and gentlemen,
this car is like France:
- 436. It's indestructible!
- 437. Err, that's just 'cause we set
the airbags to "ultra-sensitive"...
- 438. but when it's set to "normal",
well, it's normal!
- 439. Did you see the balloons?
- 440. Note that it would be very useful
to stop thieves!
- 441. Get him out! Hold on to his head.
- 442. Tell him not to worry,
it's just a matter of fine-tuning!
- 443. He's not worried, he needs
to go to the restrooms!
- 444. - Bertrand, go with him.
- Yes, sir.
- 445. We're fine, sir. Once we deflate
the airbags, it'll be as good as new.
- 446. Can you reinflate him, too?
Who's gonna drive your "Cobra", now?
- 447. Sir, I have a young civilian driver.
He's very good, fast and precise.
- 448. I'll vouch for him.
- 449. Oh no...
- 450. Banco!
- 451. Before your tour of the town
I'll show you our latest computing innovation.
- 452. Gimme that!
- 453. Here, wear this.
- 454. But it'll cramp my style!
- 455. Don't worry, this baby's so easy to drive...
- 456. even a cretin wearing mitts could do it!
Take him away, lads!
- 457. No no, that's OK.
- 458. See? I told you!
- 459. Never mind, it's on the back,
nobody will see it.
- 460. Go on now! Ninja!
- 461. Great, but how do you stop it?
- 462. You just have to say "nip!"
- 463. Ninja!
- 464. It's easy as pie. We prepared a demonstration...
Get it? With fake attacks!
- 465. Like a ghost train?
- 466. Exactly like that.
We must impress the nip!
- 467. Ninja!
- 468. Above all, don't worry.
Just allow things to happen.
- 469. If the nip...
- 470. Ninja!
- 471. Could you stop playing when I'm talking?
- 472. It's not my fault if you keep saying "nip"!
- 473. NINJA!
- 474. - Great!
- Yeah, not bad.
- 475. Sir, if you please, we shall now
escort you to your hotel.
- 476. ALL ABOARD!
- 477. Hello!
- 478. We're up shit creek again...
- 479. Forward!
- 480. They're here.
- 481. On this road.
Everything is as planned.
- 482. Very good, Katano.
Let me hear them.
- 483. Spring Roll, please copy.
- 484. Spring Roll, come in!
- 485. Hey, Spring Roll, come in!
- 486. Hep 卌ilien, come in!
- 487. Spring Roll, d'you hear me?
- 488. Loud 'n' clear.
- 489. We just left, on our way to the first trap.
Gonna take us at least 20 mins.
- 490. OK. Guys, we got 20 mins.
Get warmed up!
- 491. What about us?
What can we do for 20 minutes?
- 492. I don't know, do you have any ideas?
- 493. Yeah, but 20 centimeters...
err, minutes is too short!
- 494. Oh yeah? So, we need an idea,
we could start now...
- 495. and finish later...
- 496. Yes, with my idea that'd work fine!
- 497. But... I too... have an idea,
- 498. I'm sure... you'll really like it.
- 499. Oh yeah? Maybe it's the same one?
- 500. That'd be marvelous!
- 501. It... it would be ideal!
Go on, you say first...
- 502. Make the most of these few
quiet moments... to...
- 503. learn Japanese!
- 504. Aah... guess it wasn't the same idea...!
- 505. 'fraid not!
- 506. He won't see much of Marseille.
- 507. Sorry, he's suffering from jetlag.
- 508. May I ask... why your boss
is here in Marseille?
- 509. To sign very big contract
and see anti-gang method.
- 510. He'll sure see that!
- 511. You know method?
- 512. Sure I do!
- 513. First, the Suspect.
- 514. He is probably guilty since he's a suspect.
If he's a foreigner, he'll be doubly suspect!
- 515. Then there's the Guilty.
A foreign, tanned suspect - he's dead.
- 516. If he's tanned, it means he's been
sun-bathing and does nothing all day.
- 517. And if he doesn't work, he's a suspect!
So, he's guilty. No flaws in that logic!
- 518. That boy, is he any good?
- 519. Very good. He's a doctor
and a friend of my daughter's.
- 520. They won't tell me but I think
they've been flirting a bit.
- 521. It's only natural, at their age.
- 522. Quite.
- 523. Next, to make the guilty party confess
one uses the Questioning!
- 524. That's simple too.
You apply a trilogy - like "Star Wars"!
- 525. Beat 'em!
Good, healthy exercise!
- 526. Tax 'em!
To raise some cash for Christmas!
- 527. Get drunk!
To celebrate this!
- 528. I'm pleased to see some kids are still
respecting our values and traditions.
- 529. He'd be a good son-in-law.
- 530. You think so?
- 531. Many gangs in France?
- 532. Yeah! The most dangerous one is the "Pigs".
They have over 100'000 members!
- 533. They're easy to spot:
A whistle, wearin' blue and holdin' a beer!
- 534. Ok, now turn left, towards the port.
- 535. My pleasure, chief.
- 536. He also sounds very polite.
- 537. Affirmative. Courteous, too.
- 538. Oh yeah - polite to your face...
and shafting you from behind!
- 539. Like in the souk.
A big smile as they steal your cash!
- 540. But don't worry, I've got my eye on him.
- 541. May I ask question you?
- 542. I'm only starting in the police,
but hey, try me.
- 543. What means word that
captain uses often: "nip"?
- 544. Why'd he stop? Told you, gotta watch'em!
- 545. What's going on?
- 546. Just a simultaneous translation problem!
- 547. Cut the crap, ok? We're getting
to the meeting point in... well, now.
- 548. Don't worry, that's normal!
- 549. Total red alert!
- 550. Oh shit...! There's a missile
looking straight at me, is that normal?
- 551. Missile? What missile?
- 552. Hop!
- 553. The Atlas real-time missile diverter.
It's unique! The Limeys won't get the ball!
- 554. Impressive, but where is
the missile flying now?
- 555. Don't worry. Somewhere far out at sea.
- 556. Shit, my boat!
- 557. And now, the climax of our show.
- 558. Impressive!
- 559. Very good work, Gibert.
- 560. Thank you sir, I'm finally able to try out
all my toys at last. That's so nice!
- 561. Roadhog!
- 562. OK son, the coast is clear.
- 563. Ninja!
- 564. Very impressive.
- 565. You know, you get used to it.
- 566. Just an average day in Marseille!
- 567. I see.
- 568. Your mouthing is improving,
but your accent isn't!
- 569. Oh...?
- 570. Spring Roll, Spring Roll, do you copy?
- 571. Yeah, fine. Are we there yet...
I mean, how far are you?
- 572. We completed the first attack.
Be with you in 5 min, are you ready?
- 573. Err... yeah, yeah.
- 574. Petra and I were checking a few things out,
everything is set now.
- 575. 卌ilien, Gibert here.
卌ilien, I'm counting on you!
- 576. Oh yes you can count on me, Petra...
Err I mean...!
- 577. You can count on Petra, chief!
- 578. Count on Petra!
- 579. Count on Petra, chief!
- 580. Go! Get the Minister!
- 581. What the fuck...?
Dammit, I told you to warm up!
- 582. Yeah, we're hot...
- 583. Gibert will kill you guys!
Now go warm up!
- 584. I'll leave you guys for a second!
- 585. I'll go with you Petra...
you never know...
- 586. Hey, can't you read?
- 587. It says "green light"!
Get a move on, you fag!
- 588. Oh shit!
- 589. Now turn left. I repeat, left.
- 590. Yes, chief. I repeat, chief!
- 591. The Minister says that you drive well.
- 592. But I'm not even moving!
- 593. It freaks me out not to hear the engine!
An engine has to speak to me!
- 594. Are you putting in earplugs now?
Do I talk too much?
- 595. Nein! This is a miniature ear transmitter.
- 596. It's brand new! I'm on Channel 1.
- 597. But how do we talk?
- 598. 卌ilien...
I know you French aren't used to it...
- 599. but an order is to be obeyed,
- 600. Yeah, but if you have a problem, what do I...
- 601. How do I know if you can hear me?
- 602. Aah... 1 bang means yes, 2 means no!
- 603. Do you mind if we keep chatting?
- 604. That's good, 'cause...
- 605. The closed door
makes it easier to talk to you.
- 606. I don't dare to say everything to your face.
- 607. You eyes trouble me.
- 608. so blue!
- 609. Now what's Spring Roll up to?
- 610. What's going on, Gibert?
- 611. Don't worry, it's in code...
- 612. I just can't find the translation!
- 613. When your eyes look at me... I mean, wow!
Nobody ever looked at me like that...
- 614. well, maybe when I had my back turned...
- 615. Is that part of method?
- 616. You bet it is! That's Daniel's method!
- 617. It's good to talk to you...
to open my heart to you.
- 618. You don't mind too much?
- 619. Petra?
- 620. Should I go on, then?
- 621. I don't get this code!
- 622. Have you noticed that...
I'm much closer to you now?
- 623. What do you mean, "no"?
- 624. Ahh, that's better!
- 625. Ok, Petra, I'll say something
you may find shocking...
- 626. Here goes...
- 627. I bet it'll be stupid...!
- 628. Well... Petra, ever since I met you...
- 629. I love you!
- 630. Well done, 卌ilien!
- 631. See, I told you!
- 632. There, I said it!
- 633. Now put me out of my misery:
is it mutual? So...
- 634. 1 bang: yes, 2 means no.
- 635. Hey 卌ilien, change channels to talk dirty!
Some people are working here!
- 636. Daniel? Turn left here, son.
- 637. Yes, poppy!
- 638. He's not one of us.
- 639. That's for sure.
He's not one of us.
- 640. Why are you stopping here?
Go on, go on! Ninja!
- 641. Sorry to sound pessimistic,
but something smells fishy.
- 642. "Smell fishy"? I don't smell a thing!
Do you smell something, sir?
- 643. Isn't that strange how those trucks are parked,
exactly leaving room for a car to pass!
- 644. No, there's no trap. I checked the map,
I'm the one who made it. No trap here!
- 645. So move it!
- 646. If you say so...
- 647. I should know.
- 648. Oh deary me, a trap...!
- 649. Now what's he up to?
- 650. On what page are we?
- 651. But that's not on my list, that is...!
- 652. Hats off to this one!
- 653. And I'm glad it's not my taxi!
- 654. Petra! Petra!
- 655. What happened? Where's the nip?
- 656. Well some Ninjas! came and the Minister went...
- 657. What? He didn't fly away?
- 658. Yes he did! And at that speed
he must be on his way to Mars!
- 659. Just ask the Atlas satellite.
It must've spotted him!
- 660. RED ALERT!
- 661. Stop! Police!
- 662. Shit!
- 663. Complex town, huh?
- 664. There are only small streets!
The jail cells aren't bigger, either!
- 665. Lie down flat there!
I'm a crack shot so no tricks!
- 666. Me warn you: me shoot!
- 667. Spread out!
- 668. So that's how you wanna play it?
- 669. Awww, now where are they?
They didn't fly away as well, did they?
- 670. Where's 卌ilien?
- 671. 卌ilien!
- 672. The way I know him,
he's probably near the garbage.
- 673. Chief, I was this close to getting 'em,
but I was outnumbered!
- 674. 卌ilien, they took the Minister!
- 675. Which one?
- 676. The nip, of course! Ours is useless...
It's a disaster!
- 677. Yeah, and they got Petra, too.
- 678. Oh...? Good!
She speaks Japanese, he'll be less alone.
- 679. Lily, I swear I'm on my way.
Your dad made me stay!
- 680. But it's been 2 hours, not 20 seconds!
I'm hot all over now!
- 681. - All over?
- Yeah, all over!
- 682. I'm gonna catch fire soon...!
- 683. Listen Lily, just watch
a documentary, it'll calm you!
- 684. Gimme 5 minutes.
- 685. Can't hold that long...
- 686. 4 minutes then! 卌ilien!
- 687. It's all my fault. Shouldn't have
let her go to the john alone!
- 688. You should gone with her...!
- 689. I thought of that! I did. But...
- 690. Finished scratching about yet?
It's been an hour, d'you find anything?
- 691. There were indeed cars here.
3 of them.
- 692. You read Sherlock Holmes to deduce that?
- 693. Don't you have any clues
to get us started?
- 694. We'll analyze the tire samples at the lab.
I'm sure that laser analysis will...
- 695. Yeah and they'll have time to
SWIM back to Tokyo! Geez...
- 696. Thanks for everything, but I need my taxi, now!
What d'you want me to do with your cabriolet?
- 697. Daniel, we're in deep shit!
These clowns are shaving the road!
- 698. Couldn't you help us find a clue?
- 699. 卌ilien, Lily's on fire.
She might burn herself!
- 700. But they got my girl!
Isn't that worth 2 minutes of your time?
- 701. Just take a look,
after that I'll handle it.
- 702. From below, I saw 3 black Mitsubishis,
- 703. not sure what model.
It was a new model.
- 704. Their tires come straight from Japan.
- 705. How'd you know?
- 706. I smell it.
- 707. Smells of fish?
- 708. Meaning...?
- 709. A restaurant?
- 710. You got fish oil for brains?
- 711. Restaurants and... ports!
They were at the port with brand-new tires.
- 712. So, they were in a boat from Japan!
That's why it smells of fish!
- 713. See, you can think!
- 714. - Now, are they stolen cars?
- That's easy. Alain!
- 715. I'm on it!
- 716. OK you clowns, put your
tweezers down and go home.
- 717. Monday morning you take a whistle, I'll
let you analyze a crossraod. Do you good.
- 718. Jerks!
- 719. Negative.
Nothing's been stolen from the port.
- 720. Bingo!
- 721. What bingo? No cars were stolen,
it means you were wrong!
- 722. Three cars were stolen but no theft
was declared. Why?
- 723. Because the guards knew...
Because they use the warehouse as a base!
- 724. See, you can be smart!
- 725. Red alert!
- 726. C'mon, 卌ilien, that's my line!
- 727. You'll explain to me on the road
'cause I don't get it...
- 728. Lily? Yes, I'm on my way!
You still watching TV?
- 729. No, I had to stop. There was a report about
animal sex, made me set fire to the rug!
- 730. - Sir? It's Lily, she's worried about you
- Gimme that.
- 731. Tell your mom we're OK but the mission's
complicated, we need reinforcements.
- 732. So I'm keeping your friend.
He did a great job. Good recruit.
- 733. He'll bring me home, so you can
tell him "good night". Bye, hon!
- 734. C'mon let's go, son!
The mission ain't over!
- 735. Alain for 卌ilien,
now what's Gibert up to?
- 736. Dunno, he's been locked in the john
for ages, making weird noises...
- 737. Oh no...!
- 738. What? What's up?
- 739. Can't tell you.
It's... too horrible!
- 740. 卌ilien? They won't come.
- 741. Are you kidding?
- 742. I think this was their first base,
but something tells me they're gone.
- 743. Long gone.
- 744. A suspect approaching. Asian male.
- 745. Aah, see? They always return
to the scene of the crime!
- 746. Police academy, lesson 1!
- 747. Get in position!
- 748. Captain?
- 749. Suspects are approaching front door.
- 750. Perfect!
Bring 'em on!
- 751. Hey Marco, you sure about this?
- 752. Are you kidding?
It's the heist of the century!
- 753. There's a mountain of VCRs,
all boxed and awaiting delivery!
- 754. They're about to break in.
- 755. We got 'em!
- 756. 卌ilien, would you break into
your own home?
- 757. Sure! Oh? Well, not always...
- 758. Uh-oh!
- 759. Chief, are you gonna... ?
- 760. 卌ilien, I like to stay close to my men.
- 761. Some action won't hurt me.
Just like in the good ole days!
- 762. But that was long ago, chief...
- 763. The MEMORIES are distant, 卌ilien,
but the reflexes... are still here!
- 764. Trust me.
- 765. You'll see.
- 766. Marco, you sure there's no cops?
- 767. Shit, relax, dammit! There's no one here!
- 768. They're all watching the game.
Every cop's in front of a TV.
- 769. Ready to attack? Wait for my signal.
- 770. Chief, you worry me. It's long a way down...
- 771. It's OK, 卌ilien! Just tie the knot
for me, I'll do the rest.
- 772. I got a bad feeling...
- 773. See?
They're all at the match, like I said!
- 774. AND ATTACK:!
- 775. Oh shit oh shit oh shit!
- 776. 卌ilien?
- 777. OK, chief!
- 778. !
- 779. What...?
Who's getting his throat cut...?
- 780. 卌ilien...?
- 781. I don't get it, I made a strong knot... see?
- 782. 卌ilien!
- 783. Maybe it's the rope...?
- 784. That's it, you tied the wrong rope!
- 785. Ah, I see...
- 786. An ambulance! Quick!
- 787. 卌ilien...
- 788. 卌ili.. AAAHHH!
- 789. It's all my fault.
I should never have left her - and him - down!
- 790. Hey, hey, enough already!
- 791. Stop your whining, that won't bring her back!
- 792. I'm thinking, I'm thinking!
But we haven't got a single lead to work on!
- 793. Maybe if you ask the right questions,
you'll get the right answers!
- 794. For instance, why didn't the Yakuza
kill the Minister at once?
- 795. - 'Cause they need him?
- Excellent, but why?
- 796. - Did they ask for a ransom?
- 797. Why not kidnap him in Japan?
- 798. But they did it here in France!
- 799. They must have had a good reason.
Why's the Minister going to Paris, exactly?
- 800. To watch the parade and sign contracts.
Security, trains, army, nuclear...
- 801. There! Maybe they want to prevent that?
- 802. But that makes no sense,
why would they do that?
- 803. Your friend's right. Yuki Tsumoto
doesn't want those contracts to be signed.
- 804. Hey, don't I know you?
Weren't you an air hostess earlier?
- 805. I'm Yuli. I'm here to protect the Minister,
as a member of the Japanese intelligence.
- 806. Ain't that funny! I am too...
卌ilien, Police of Marseille.
- 807. That's Daniel, he's...
- 808. in training!
I'm learning how to be stupid!
- 809. Yeah, right...
Who's this "Yuki Tsumoto" guy?
- 810. A Yakuza. He controls the north.
Very powerful and conservative.
- 811. He doesn't want airplanes, trains, nuclear power...
- 812. France is keen to sell,
so he's taking steps.
- 813. Not only the Minister won't sign anything, but
France will never sign contracts with Japan again!
- 814. Tsumoto sent over 2 grand masters in hypnosis.
- 815. They'll condition the Minister, who during
the parade will grab any weapon...
- 816. and start killing people at random.
Maybe even the President.
- 817. And to protest, France will abort all diplomatic
relations with Japan - so no more contracts!
- 818. - Exactly.
- That's crazy!
- 819. The parade is at 11 so we have very little time
to free your friend and the Minister.
- 820. Yeah well but I have to ask my boss first...
- 821. Which one, the cripple or Sleeping Beauty?
- 822. Oh, yeah...
- 823. Listen 卌ilien, both of you
want to save somebody.
- 824. We're in a bit of a rush, so instead
of waiting for the Administration...
- 825. maybe we should do it
ourselves, don't you think?
- 826. He's right! No nip - sorry! - is gonna beat us!
So where do we start?
- 827. First, can you localize them in Paris?
- 828. - Absolutely not!
- Sure! Easy as pie!
- 829. Thanks, Joe. You saved my life!
See you soon, pal.
- 830. Got 'em! They're hiding out
in the XIVth district.
- 831. Are you sure it's her?
Uh, I mean, them!
- 832. 3 black Mitsubishis with a blonde tied
in the back. You want me to verify?
- 833. OK, OK...
- 834. Well there's not much time left.
To the airport!
- 835. Don't hurry, there's no
plane for at least 3h!
- 836. We can't wait. We must get to Paris ASAP.
So find a solution!
- 837. GET UP! WAR IS UPON US!
- 838. - To me! My men!
- It's me, Daniel!
- 839. Oh, Daniel...!
Where are the troops?
- 840. Wiped out! There's only us to save the day.
And you owe me, remember?
- 841. - Affirmative!
- Well, I need your help. Now.
- 842. Oh shit... what's taking them so long?
- 843. Cool! No worries, buddy!
- 844. Daniel, I hope you know what you're doing
'cause I don't trust this. Not one bit!
- 845. Why, you got a better idea?
- 846. What, right now? No, but...
- 847. Well, then you better think! Fast!
- 848. - Daniel, I got it! Lemme out, I can...
- Too late...!
- 849. Are you cool, guys?
- 850. You bet! Cool as ice!
- 851. Just shout if there's a problem, OK?
- 852. OK, I'm shouting!
We just lost a parachute!
- 853. That's why there's 3 of 'em!
1 or 2 always screw up!
- 854. I see...!
- 855. 卌ilien. You got your license now, right?
- 856. Yeah, why?
- 857. Take my place then. C'mon, move it!
- 858. I'll try to find out where we are.
- 859. Where am I going?
- 860. Straight ahead!
- 861. - Straight ahead?
- Yeah, straight ahead!
- 862. OK, whatever you say...!
- 863. Come on now, just relax.
Be more zen, you'll feel better!
- 864. That feels good, you know.
- 865. Oh, Lily darling! Are you OK?
- 866. Who's chirping there?
- 867. - The hostess.
- 868. Actually, she's a nurse.
- 869. You're in a massage parlor, is that it?
- 870. Of course not, Lily! We're in the sky!
Your dad's guiding us, 卌ilien is steering...
- 871. I am fixing the parachute and the nurse
is chirping to calm our nerves, that's all!
- 872. Daniel, what DID you smoke, exactly?
- 873. Now listen to me. Lily!
I'm trying to save Petra and a Minister's ass!
- 874. So I'll call you again when we land!
Is that so hard to understand?
- 875. - Are you feeling alright, hon?
- I'm great!
- 876. What? She never believes me!
- 877. Try to turn left a bit.
- 878. Now, turn left.
I repeat, left...
- 879. Hi there!
- 880. Everything's OK, stay calm!
- 881. - Do you know them?
- 882. Yeah... an old pupil...
Gonna WALK home, now...
- 883. Good morning Lionel.
- 884. - Good morning Jacques, this is Mr. Coutta...
- Hello, how do you do?
- 885. - Are you all set, Coutta?
- The Japanese Minister is still missing.
- 886. There, I see her!
God, is she beautiful...!
- 887. - I mean, she looks OK.
- And the Minister?
- 888. He's fine, he's fine.
He's getting some exercise...
- 889. Now that we know where they are,
maybe we should try and get them back?
- 890. I've got an idea.
We must warn your friend somehow.
- 891. - Won't be easy... hold on, I'm such a jerk!
- Oh? Really?
- 892. Her earphone!
Maybe she kept her earphone!
- 893. Petra! Petra!
- 894. Are you ready to kill?
- 895. You hear me? Petra?
- 896. Petra, we're not far away.
I can see you.
- 897. Now get up, and turn around!
- 898. Petra, get up, I need to see your hands!
- 899. - What's going on here?
- I'm not doing anything!
- 900. - Idiot!
- 901. Sit down. We're coming.
- 902. We're coming... that's easy to say!
- 903. Don't worry, I got a plan.
- 904. That's exactly what worries me!
- 905. You hear only what I tell you...
- 906. You obey me!
- 907. You do only what I tell you...
- 908. You obey me!
- 909. And now...
- 910. I wanna go home 'cause it's too
cold here and I'm getting sick and...
- 911. You're going to sleep.
- 912. Raise your arms.
- 913. Con-nichon-aah!
Hey, it's my turn now! Come on!
- 914. I'm not bad at hypnosis!
- 915. Sit! Good boy!
- 916. Now lie down! Very, very good!
- 917. And now... sleep!
- 918. Freeze or you'll sleep too, and for long!
- 919. OK, I'll cover you.
- 920. Hey, girls, what're you doing?
- 921. No need. I had'em covered.
- 922. It's not loaded, 卌ilien.
- 923. What'd you mean, it's not loaded?
- 924. How come?
- 925. It was me. I emptied the clip yesterday.
- 926. So... it was never loaded?
- 927. I was worried you'd get hurt...
- 928. I'm very late, can you save my life?
- 929. Err... don't worry, I'll manage.
- 930. - C'mon, jump in there!
- What...? Are you sure?
- 931. Catch those clowns!
- 932. Fancy some sushi?
- 933. There's no exit, Daniel!
- 934. They're after you, Daniel!
- 935. That's one less!
- 936. We'll get off at the next station...
- 937. We're too heavy. And they got good cars!
- 938. Ask your Paris colleagues to help out.
- 939. Forget it. Cops from Paris
and Marseille are at war.
- 940. They'll never help us.
- 941. Aww, you just never asked 'em politely!
- 942. Daniel, what the... ?
- 943. So, dickheads, you're not at the parade?
Soldiers ain't your thing?
- 944. You'd rather stay home and gobble knobs?
- 945. How 'bout a love parade?
Let him who loves me, follow me!
- 946. I think you went a bit far!
- 947. Aww, don't worry, I'm sure they loved that!
- 948. Catch that asshole, ALIVE!
I'll blast him to hell myself!
- 949. Where are you?
- 950. Where is "Trocad廨o"?
- 951. Well, you must change at Ch漮elet!
- 952. A bus, Daniel!
- 953. Oh, the Eiffel Tower!
- 954. Stay off the grass!
- 955. - It's straight ahead now!
- 956. Where'd that one come from?
- 957. Yes. Get the taxi!
- 958. - Kamikaze!
- Kamika what?
- 959. Kamikaze...?
- 960. !
- 961. Shit... I can't shake 'em!
We're too heavy!
- 962. I can get out, if you want!
- 963. - Bad idea 卌ilien, try harder!
- I can't!
- 964. - Call the General!
- OK. General, do you copy?
- 965. Loud 'n' clear!
How's your Paris tour going?
- 966. It's whizzing by!
- 967. Tell him to block the Dauphine tunnel exit.
We'll set up a trap there!
- 968. No problem. Give me 5 minutes!
- 969. Yes, hello?
- 970. Picard? Bertineau here!
- 971. General, sir!
- 972. You got a spare tank or two?
- 973. As a matter of fact, yes...
- 974. We're almost there, he'd better hurry!
- 975. Dammit, what's taking him so long?
- 976. Roger sir, we're in position.
The tunnel is blocked.
- 977. - 4 mins, 32 seconds.
- Well done, sir!
- 978. Hang on!
- 979. I don't wanna play after all!
- 980. You'd rather stop and get shot down?
- 981. No but I don't wanna hit a tank, either!
- 982. Daniel, now that I found Petra again
I'd like to enjoy it before I die!
- 983. Don't worry.
I'm taking you straight to Heaven!
- 984. But I wanna stay
right here on Earth, Daniel!
- 985. You scared the bejesus outta me again!
- 986. Maybe one day, you'll trust me!
- 987. The Minister says you're wonderful.
He'd like you to become his driver in Japan.
- 988. Thanks, maybe later.
But right now, I wanna go home!
- 989. Yeah, we're going home, Daniel.
Can we drop you off somewhere?
- 990. Oh no, not the TV!
- 991. Just 5 minutes, it's the parade...
I want to see your father.
- 992. Oh...? It looks like Daniel's taxi!
Ain't that funny?
- 993. 卌ilien?
- 994. Well, err... that's something brand new.
- 995. A... stealth taxi.
- 996. I'll drop you at the grandstand and I'll run, ok?
I don't like this place... it freaks me out.
- 997. 卌ilien...