1. Someone once said, "We don't
stop playing because we grow old.Copy !req
2. "We grow old because we stop playing."Copy !req
3. When you're a kid, you can't imagine
having any other group of friends.Copy !req
4. You think you're gonna be
buddies forever.Copy !req
5. Of course, for most people,
that just doesn't happen.Copy !req
6. But my friends and I,
we figured out a way around that.Copy !req
7. We just never stopped playing.Copy !req
8. And I like to think that simple thing,
playing a game,Copy !req
9. is what made me the man I am today.Copy !req
10. So the man you are today
wants to be a janitor.Copy !req
11. Yes.Copy !req
12. Look, Doctor Malloy,
I'm looking at your résumé.Copy !req
13. It says you got a Ph.D.
in veterinary medicineCopy !req
14. and that you actually
have a successful practice right now.Copy !req
15. Look, there comes a time
in every man's lifeCopy !req
16. where you just gotta take stock,Copy !req
17. ask yourself what's really important,
what's on your bucket list.Copy !req
18. So let me get this straight.Copy !req
19. On your bucket list, you don't have,
like, skydiving or rock climbing,Copy !req
20. or tap dancing, maybe?Copy !req
21. Dancing with wolves,Copy !req
22. I believe that has to be a thing.Copy !req
23. They wouldn't have made a movie
if it wasn't, you know?Copy !req
24. All I know is that, for me,
what I really wantCopy !req
25. is to clean the urine off
of that man's toilet seat.Copy !req
26. Talking about the boss.Copy !req
27. Mr. Callahan.Copy !req
28. Yeah, he's a great man.
This is a great company.Copy !req
29. Anything I can do
to get closer to that guy, sign me up.Copy !req
30. Okay, look, man.Copy !req
31. Honestly, any other situation,Copy !req
32. I would just tell you
to get the fuck out my office, okay?Copy !req
33. But we do need the help,
so when can you start?Copy !req
34. I've already begun.Copy !req
35. What the fuck was that?Copy !req
36. I haven't even opened that yet.Copy !req
37. I'm sorry.
I was trying to be proactive.Copy !req
38. Today. I can start today. Um...Copy !req
39. Why don't I get you another Coke?Copy !req
40. - You do that, we good.
- Okay.Copy !req
41. But don't throw away no more new stuff.Copy !req
42. You will not be disappointed.Copy !req
43. We don't have to shake hands, man.Copy !req
44. - Okay. I'll be right back.
- Sure.Copy !req
45. White people.Copy !req
46. All right, Bob. You're the CEO
of a Fortune 800 company.Copy !req
47. You have commanded the respect
of coworkers and vendors alike,Copy !req
48. and that is why you're being interviewed
by the big boys.Copy !req
49. The Wall Street Journal.Copy !req
50. - Miss Crosby.
- Hi.Copy !req
51. - Hi. Bob Callahan.
- Rebecca.Copy !req
52. Thank you so much
for taking the time.Copy !req
53. Thank you.Copy !req
54. Should we just get right into it?Copy !req
55. - Yeah, let's jump right in.
- All right.Copy !req
56. Well, here's what I would love for your
readers to know about our company.Copy !req
57. We are young.Copy !req
58. We are dynamic. We are fun.Copy !req
59. So let's talk about diabetes.Copy !req
60. Mr. Callahan,
how do you respond to the ideaCopy !req
61. that your industry
uses captive insuranceCopy !req
62. to move risk off balance sheets?Copy !req
63. Well, great question. Tough, but fair.Copy !req
64. Um, I guess I would say that
what I love about Freedom AtlanticCopy !req
65. is that we're not like
other insurance companies.Copy !req
66. We're big, but small.Copy !req
67. Small.Copy !req
68. We are, um...Copy !req
69. You know, we're complex...Copy !req
70. and yet, also simple.Copy !req
71. And we are global...Copy !req
72. Yet local.Copy !req
73. That's exactly right.Copy !req
74. Sorry, one second.Copy !req
75. Hey, could you maybe come back
at another time?Copy !req
76. We're just right in the middle
of something. Sir?Copy !req
77. I'm afraid not, Bob.Copy !req
78. Jesus Christ, Hoagie!Copy !req
79. What are you doing here?Copy !req
80. How did you get past security?Copy !req
81. I didn't. I work here.Copy !req
82. You got a job at my company,
so you could try to tag me?Copy !req
83. Come on. Bob, it's over.Copy !req
84. You don't think I can escape
from my own conference room?Copy !req
85. Where are you gonna go?Copy !req
86. Well, guess what? Watch now
'cause this is happening.Copy !req
87. - God dang it!
- Okay.Copy !req
88. - ... Ouch.
- You okay?Copy !req
89. God. Okay.Copy !req
90. You're right.Copy !req
91. It's over.Copy !req
92. - Well, you're it.
- Yeah, I know. All right.Copy !req
93. It's good to see you.
Good to see you, pal.Copy !req
94. - Good to see you.
- Have you lost weight?Copy !req
95. Yeah, a little bit.
Hey, listen, this is serious. Um...Copy !req
96. Jerry's quitting.Copy !req
97. What? Bullshit.Copy !req
98. I swear to God.
End of this season, he's retiring.Copy !req
99. Well, okay. But, I am in the middle
of an interview. So can I...Copy !req
100. - Wall Street Journal, that's so cool!
- Thank you.Copy !req
101. No, thank you, by the way,Copy !req
102. 'cause this was the distraction
I needed.Copy !req
103. You get Bob talking about himself...Copy !req
104. It is just a feedback loop. Non-stop.Copy !req
105. - Can we talk about this outside, please?
- Yeah.Copy !req
106. Can we talk about this outside?
I'll be right back. I promise.Copy !req
107. There's three days left in May.Copy !req
108. That gives us 63 hours
to round up the guys and get him.Copy !req
109. Great. We can talk about this
over dinner.Copy !req
110. What? No, no, no. We have to go now!Copy !req
111. Don't you have bathrooms to clean
or something?Copy !req
112. Technically, yes, I do.Copy !req
113. All right, well, you know what?Copy !req
114. Take this ridiculous thing off...Copy !req
115. and get to it.
We'll talk about this later.Copy !req
116. I'll resign, Bob.Copy !req
117. You don't have to. You're fired.Copy !req
118. Good. 'Cause the benefits here suck!Copy !req
119. No, they don't.Copy !req
120. That's true. Benefits are really good.Copy !req
121. Hey, sorry about that.
Where were we?Copy !req
122. - Diabetes. Yes.
- Explain.Copy !req
123. Well, I'm not a doctor,
but there are two types.Copy !req
124. Type one is called "Type One".
And Type Two is more of an adult onset.Copy !req
125. No. Him.Copy !req
126. - What are you doing?
- Hoagie, what do you want?Copy !req
127. You tagged me. I'm it, okay?Copy !req
128. You're sitting there
like I didn't just tell youCopy !req
129. we gotta deal with this right now.Copy !req
130. Because we got a real shot
at Jerry this year.Copy !req
131. You say that every year.Copy !req
132. - Yeah, but this year's different.
- You say that every year.Copy !req
133. - But this year's really different.
- You said that last year.Copy !req
134. I know, you're right.Copy !req
135. But this year's actually differentCopy !req
136. because we know exactly
where he's going to be and when.Copy !req
137. "The wedding celebration
of Susan and Jerry.Copy !req
138. "Saturday, May 31st."Copy !req
139. He's a sitting duck!Copy !req
140. We gotta join forces. We get Jerry now,Copy !req
141. or we die.Copy !req
142. - What?
- Eventually. You know what I mean.Copy !req
143. Come on, Bob.Copy !req
144. You gonna grow old,
or you gonna keep playing?Copy !req
145. Keep playing.Copy !req
146. That is the right answer.
Nice to meet you.Copy !req
147. I'm sorry. I have to go.Copy !req
148. No...Copy !req
149. Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
150. I can't believe he's getting married,
and he didn't even tell us.Copy !req
151. I know. I was mad at first, too,
and then hurt.Copy !req
152. But, you know, he just realized
he'd be a sitting target.Copy !req
153. That's insane, even for him.Copy !req
154. Will one of you please tell me
what's going on here?Copy !req
155. Are we off the record?Copy !req
156. No, definitely not.Copy !req
157. Awesome. Okay.Copy !req
158. Our group of friends has been playing
the same game of tag for 30 years.Copy !req
159. What?Copy !req
160. For the entire month of May,
every year, we play tag.Copy !req
161. Just like when we were kids.Copy !req
162. But we're not on a playground,
and we all live in different cities.Copy !req
163. So you don't ever know
when someone's gonna pop up.Copy !req
164. You could be shopping at the mall,Copy !req
165. and then your buddy
jumps out of the trunkCopy !req
166. and, boom, tags you. You're it.Copy !req
167. Here's the craziest part.Copy !req
168. Our buddy, Jerry, never been tagged.Copy !req
169. What do you mean he's never been tagged?
You never put your hand on his body?Copy !req
170. Not during the month of May.
For like, 30 years.Copy !req
171. Why don't you just go over to his house
and tag him?Copy !req
172. - It's not that easy.
- Why not?Copy !req
173. Because...Copy !req
174. Well, for starters,
because he's so freaking fast.Copy !req
175. You just can't catch him.Copy !req
176. Yeah,
and if you do manage to catch him,Copy !req
177. then he goes feral and turns into
some kind of crazy wild animal.Copy !req
178. And if you manage
to trap the wild animal,Copy !req
179. he still finds a way.Copy !req
180. What just happened there?Copy !req
181. To this day, I have no idea. No idea.Copy !req
182. He's the best that ever played. Yeah.Copy !req
183. And now, he wants to retire
with a perfect record,Copy !req
184. make us all look like fools. Fools!Copy !req
185. He gets very excited.Copy !req
186. There he is.Copy !req
187. Wait. You're not leaving.Copy !req
188. Look, Ms. Crosby, I apologize.Copy !req
189. I will have someone from my office
reach out to you.Copy !req
190. We will reschedule this
as soon as I'm back in town.Copy !req
191. Nope.Copy !req
192. - Nope?
- No. Change of plan.Copy !req
193. I'm coming with you.Copy !req
194. This is a story.Copy !req
195. What? No.Copy !req
196. Yes. This is the coolest game ever.Copy !req
197. I don't think that's gonna be her angle.Copy !req
198. I don't know what my angle is,Copy !req
199. but I do find it very interesting
that we live in a worldCopy !req
200. where grown men take an entire monthCopy !req
201. out of every year
to play a child's game.Copy !req
202. It's very interesting.
You're right. Let's go.Copy !req
203. I don't think she means interesting
in a good way.Copy !req
204. - Get in, Bob.
- Fine! Fuck it, I'm going.Copy !req
205. All right, it's all ready for you, Dad.Copy !req
206. Hey! Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
207. I'll be honest with you.
Ever since my wife died,Copy !req
208. you've really been the rock
holding me down.Copy !req
209. So thank you.Copy !req
210. Well, I appreciate that.
I really do.Copy !req
211. But your wife is not dead.Copy !req
212. Well, she's dead to me.Copy !req
213. What?Copy !req
214. Yeah.Copy !req
215. - That's right.
- That's right.Copy !req
216. Listen to me.Copy !req
217. "To live in the past is
to die in the present."Copy !req
218. Now, who said that?Copy !req
219. - You did.
- Bill Belichick said that!Copy !req
220. God love him. Yes, sir.Copy !req
221. All right, I'm gonna get us more weed.Copy !req
222. God bless you, son.Copy !req
223. Damn, that was fast!Copy !req
224. - Hey!
- Hey, Anna.Copy !req
225. - Hey, Chilli. How are you?
- Good, nice to see you.Copy !req
226. What are you doing here?Copy !req
227. I was... I was walking byCopy !req
228. and thought I'd pop in
and say hi to you and Roger.Copy !req
229. Yeah, we're doing great. Where's Hoagie?Copy !req
230. Um... He's, um...
You know...Copy !req
231. - Shit!
- Hogan's in, the library.Copy !req
232. Is it... Dad, what month is it?Copy !req
233. May.Copy !req
234. You're not getting by me.Copy !req
235. Anna, are you okay?Copy !req
236. He's loose! He's loose!Copy !req
237. Fuck it.Copy !req
238. Hogan, honey, he's coming.Copy !req
239. He's heading down the east stairwell.Copy !req
240. - Hey. Hogan!
- Hey, Chilli!Copy !req
241. I haven't seen you in a while, man.
How's everything?Copy !req
242. - Pretty good. Yeah, what about you?
- Good, yeah.Copy !req
243. Everything's good, man. Yeah, work.
I mean, I'm going through that divorce.Copy !req
244. - You sure?
- But, everything's fine. It's fine.Copy !req
245. Hey, also, side note.
Stop bringing your wife into this, man.Copy !req
246. That's bullshit.
She's way too intense for the game.Copy !req
247. You're just jealous
'cause she's such a badass.Copy !req
248. She's my secret weapon.
Kind of worked 'cause you're trapped.Copy !req
249. - Am I trapped?
- Yeah.Copy !req
250. I am?Copy !req
251. Damn you, Chilli!Copy !req
252. Jesus, Chilli!Copy !req
253. That's trash!Copy !req
254. Fuck me!Copy !req
255. Hey, Martin!Copy !req
256. Hi. Sorry.Copy !req
257. Excuse me, Mrs. Martin.
Coming through.Copy !req
258. Sorry, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
259. Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
260. My God! I'm so sorry.
So sorry. Wow. Okay.Copy !req
261. Get him, Andy!Copy !req
262. Good, Andy, good!Copy !req
263. Ho, ho, ho, ho.Copy !req
264. Chilli, Chilli, Chilli...Copy !req
265. Chilli! No, no, no!Copy !req
266. Fuck!Copy !req
267. You okay, buddy?Copy !req
268. Just great. Great.Copy !req
269. You ain't getting me today, man.
I'm not losing.Copy !req
270. There's only one problem, Chilli.Copy !req
271. Yeah? What's that?Copy !req
272. I'm not it.Copy !req
273. The fuck you mean,
you're not it?Copy !req
274. I am, motherfucker!Copy !req
275. - It! Come on. Get up.
- Goddamn!Copy !req
276. - You all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.Copy !req
277. You took a pretty big hit there. My God.Copy !req
278. Yeah, I thought I got away.Copy !req
279. - Set him up. Knock him down.
- My God!Copy !req
280. - Good idea.
- All right, fair and square.Copy !req
281. - I'm it, right?
- Yes.Copy !req
282. And now you're it.Copy !req
283. - Whoa. Nope.
- Yeah.Copy !req
284. Nope. I'm not taking it.Copy !req
285. No, I'm not. No!Copy !req
286. - No.
- We're not... No!Copy !req
287. Guys, we're too old for...Copy !req
288. No, don't start hitting. God.Copy !req
289. No, no, you're it.
I don't know who is it.Copy !req
290. - You're it. You're it.
- Guys, guys!Copy !req
291. - This is ridiculous.
- Son of a bitch! You sack punched me!Copy !req
292. - Well, you punched me!
- You sack punched him?Copy !req
293. Yeah, you went crazy, and now you're it.Copy !req
294. - Sorry.
- Okay, I'm it.Copy !req
295. Truce, truce, truce.Copy !req
296. Deal.Copy !req
297. This isn't about us anyway.Copy !req
298. This is the year we get Jerry.Copy !req
299. - We're not gonna get Jerry.
- He said the same thing.Copy !req
300. No, no. I said the same thing.
We got a plan, all right?Copy !req
301. Guys! Guys, let's go.Copy !req
302. She's so intense, man.
She takes it too far.Copy !req
303. You know what? If it wasn't for me,
you guys would be day drunk,Copy !req
304. playing mini-golf with 12-year-olds.Copy !req
305. Let's go. I know where Sable is.
Get in the car, ladies.Copy !req
306. Yeah, we're going right to the airport,
so grab a bag, grab a...Copy !req
307. - A toothbrush or whatever.
- I'm good. Let's go.Copy !req
308. - Really?
- Wow!Copy !req
309. - That's gross.
- Well, he's gung-ho. That's good.Copy !req
310. Hey, Rebecca,
we're gonna go get Sable now.Copy !req
311. Who is Sable?Copy !req
312. I know you think
she's not cheating on me.Copy !req
313. But what about the possibilityCopy !req
314. of her knowing that I'm following her
to Pilates class,Copy !req
315. and on the days
when it's not Pilates class,Copy !req
316. that's when she has all the free time
to ride random dick.Copy !req
317. Okay, riding dicks.Copy !req
318. Kevin, you're really focused
on other dicks.Copy !req
319. But what about yours? What about you?Copy !req
320. If you don't focus on the other dicks,Copy !req
321. those dicks will plug up
the places you wanna go.Copy !req
322. What about mentally
going into each of those holesCopy !req
323. and unplugging every one of those dicks.
Pulling out, pulling out, pulling out.Copy !req
324. And then you have a clear mind.
Dickless.Copy !req
325. Well, I'm paranoid
that my original paranoiaCopy !req
326. might turn on my paranoia.Copy !req
327. It sounds like there are
some fundamental trust issues.Copy !req
328. You can't trust anybody.Copy !req
329. I don't think anyone's out to get you.Copy !req
330. I don't think anyone is following you.Copy !req
331. Stop!Copy !req
332. I can't take it anymore.Copy !req
333. I can't take it. I can't listen to this.Copy !req
334. Are you shushing me?Copy !req
335. What the fuck?Copy !req
336. - Wow!
- How are you?Copy !req
337. - Doctor!
- You're there.Copy !req
338. Hi, Hogan. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
339. Bob Callahan. How do you do?Copy !req
340. - Sorry, this is a terrible idea.
- Who are you?Copy !req
341. We're friends of Sable's.Copy !req
342. We thought it'd be really funny
to hide in there,Copy !req
343. but then we overheard way too much.Copy !req
344. Yeah, buddy, you're clearly
going through a lot of shit.Copy !req
345. All right, get here, man.Copy !req
346. And, um, also, you're it, so...Copy !req
347. I don't care. I miss you.
How are you, buddy? Good to see you.Copy !req
348. - I'm good.
- Yup.Copy !req
349. - Now you're it.
- I know. I know. I'm it.Copy !req
350. Anyway, yeah, we came to get you,
so come on.Copy !req
351. - Sable. Come on.
- Come on.Copy !req
352. I got 40 minutes left in the session.Copy !req
353. - So what? This is important.
- Yeah.Copy !req
354. Pack your bags. We're going home.Copy !req
355. I don't have my bags here.Copy !req
356. - Yeah, we know.
- Obviously.Copy !req
357. - For fuck's sake.
- I know that. It's just...Copy !req
358. We will go by your house
and get your stuff.Copy !req
359. You should've just went to my house
in the first placeCopy !req
360. if we were gonna go to my house anyway.Copy !req
361. - This seemed like a better idea.
- It was a whole bit! Let's go.Copy !req
362. Yeah, come on, we'll figure it out.Copy !req
363. Okay, you'll still owe me for this hour.Copy !req
364. Thanks, Doctor.Copy !req
365. You guys aren't taking
my mental health seriously.Copy !req
366. Look at those little assholes.Copy !req
367. - Calm down.
- It's awful to be back.Copy !req
368. It's gonna be fun.Copy !req
369. It still smells the same.Copy !req
370. Here we go.Copy !req
371. All right!Copy !req
372. Okay, yeah.Copy !req
373. Yeah, it's still there.Copy !req
374. Guys, we're back in the war room.Copy !req
375. You know what that means.Copy !req
376. No, I don't know what that means.Copy !req
377. It means we're going to war, Sable.
Now, just to be clear,Copy !req
378. we're not gonna tag Jerry
at the actual wedding ceremonyCopy !req
379. because, frankly,
that would make us giant assholes.Copy !req
380. I'm sorry. I thought that was
the whole point of this.Copy !req
381. I took two weeks unpaid vacation
for that exact reason.Copy !req
382. - Two weeks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
383. I'm going zip-lining after this.Copy !req
384. Okay. There's gonna be plenty of time
to get him before the ceremony.Copy !req
385. There's a rehearsal dinner.Copy !req
386. There's a luncheon, photo shoot.
Just don't worry. We're gonna get him.Copy !req
387. Very official plan. Who wants to smoke
some weed with me? Sable!Copy !req
388. I'll take a toke.Copy !req
389. What?Copy !req
390. Yeah, I've been, you know,
experimenting with pot recently.Copy !req
391. Mostly medicinal, but hey.Copy !req
392. I've wanted to get high with you
my entire life, Hogan.Copy !req
393. - Honestly.
- Let's do it.Copy !req
394. - This is the best gift of all time.
- Okay.Copy !req
395. This is exactly how I imagined it,
by the way.Copy !req
396. Hoagie's mom.Copy !req
397. I've got pizza rolls
for my pizza roll boys.Copy !req
398. Ooh. Pizza rolls.Copy !req
399. Is that marijuana I smell?Copy !req
400. No. What?Copy !req
401. It's my pot. I'm really sorry.
I was smoking pot. It's an old habit.Copy !req
402. So it's your weedie.Copy !req
403. I think I'm getting a contact high.Copy !req
404. Okay.Copy !req
405. Hits me deep. Below the belt, you know.Copy !req
406. I've got a belt upstairs.Copy !req
407. I use it on naughty little boys.Copy !req
408. What the fuck is going on?Copy !req
409. I hope you don't hurt those boys.Copy !req
410. I don't mean to.Copy !req
411. It was really nice speaking with you.
Thank you for the pizza rolls.Copy !req
412. Mom, stop flirting with Chilli.Copy !req
413. Linda, have you seen Jerry lately?Copy !req
414. I mean, do you still play tennis
with his mom?Copy !req
415. Because we need to find him
before the wedding,Copy !req
416. and we've got no clues.Copy !req
417. I don't even talk to her.
I never see her at the club.Copy !req
418. But I'm thrilled for Jerry.
Susan is such a nice girl.Copy !req
419. - We just need the information.
- Yeah, we need to find him. Yeah.Copy !req
420. Have you taken the guys
over to the Sandpiper?Copy !req
421. Lou does nothing but talk about you
and the old days and Jerry.Copy !req
422. You know, I think he's lonely.Copy !req
423. Okay, that's not helpful. But it...Copy !req
424. My God!Copy !req
425. Lou knows everything
going on in this town.Copy !req
426. Guys, we're going to the Sandpiper.Copy !req
427. I don't wanna go to the Sandpiper.
I'm having a great time here.Copy !req
428. I miss this basement.
We don't have any more beer.Copy !req
429. Let's go to the Sandpiper.Copy !req
430. Lou!Copy !req
431. Gentlemen! And ladies.Copy !req
432. How are you guys?
Hey, we have new summer stouts on draft.Copy !req
433. Lou, we don't give a shit about summer
stouts. We're just looking for Jerry.Copy !req
434. Ooh, I hate to be the bearer
of bad tidings, Anna,Copy !req
435. but you are technically
still banned from here.Copy !req
436. - What? Still?
- What?Copy !req
437. It was dollar margarita night, Lou.Copy !req
438. Hey, I don't make the rules.Copy !req
439. Fuck you, Lou.Copy !req
440. You know something about Jerry.
I can see it in your eyes, you rat fuck.Copy !req
441. I don't know where Jerry is.Copy !req
442. Fuck you. Tell us.Copy !req
443. I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
444. How are you? How's your mom?Copy !req
445. - Fantastic.
- That's good.Copy !req
446. - Fit as a fiddle.
- Tell her I said hi.Copy !req
447. I will, for sure.
She'll love hearing that.Copy !req
448. And fuck you.
I don't wanna be in this bar anyway.Copy !req
449. - Okay, okay.
- We're gonna wait outside.Copy !req
450. Look forward to catching up with y'all.
Whoo!Copy !req
451. Listen, I'll tell you everything
you need to know about JerryCopy !req
452. if you tag me just one time.
It is all I ask. I will spill.Copy !req
453. Why can't I tag you?Copy !req
454. Because I'm not officially in the game.Copy !req
455. What's the good word, Lou?Copy !req
456. We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old.Copy !req
457. We grow old because we stop playing.Copy !req
458. You are not part of this game.Copy !req
459. Benjamin Franklin.Copy !req
460. - Lou.
- Yeah?Copy !req
461. Where's Jerry?Copy !req
462. I'm afraid I can't help you out
with that, boys.Copy !req
463. - Really?
- Yeah, you see,Copy !req
464. Jerry and I struck a little deal.Copy !req
465. I say nothing about his whereabouts,
and then I get to play tag next year.Copy !req
466. - Jerry made that deal with you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
467. And I am unbreakable, boys.Copy !req
468. Cannot penetrate this Iron Curtain.Copy !req
469. The vault is closed.Copy !req
470. Well, Lou, that is a real shame because
I was gonna introduce you to Rebecca,Copy !req
471. who is writing an article about tag
for The Wall Street Journal.Copy !req
472. How cool is that?Copy !req
473. - So cool.
- Isn't that exciting?Copy !req
474. Is there any way
that Lou could be in your article?Copy !req
475. Yeah.Copy !req
476. Right? It's an interesting angle, right?Copy !req
477. Probably has to be a story
for that to happen, right?Copy !req
478. What do you mean,
there has to be a story?Copy !req
479. Well, I mean, no Jerry, no story.Copy !req
480. You need Jerry for the story?Copy !req
481. Could you imagine that thing
printed out here, framed?Copy !req
482. - Hanging on the wall? With this guy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
483. Which will get published everywhere.
Everyone will see.Copy !req
484. - Nationally.
- Don't you wanna be in the article?Copy !req
485. Yeah, dude.
I would love to be in an article.Copy !req
486. Well, we're not gonna break
Fort Knox here.Copy !req
487. Fuck, man. All right.Copy !req
488. - I was really excited about that story.
- Good to see you, buddy.Copy !req
489. - Good luck, man.
- Look, look, look.Copy !req
490. My mom talked to his mom,Copy !req
491. and she said that the rehearsal
is at the Deer Creek Country Club.Copy !req
492. - Deer Creek.
- There it is.Copy !req
493. Anyways, the name is Louis Seibert.
That's S-E-I-B...Copy !req
494. - I'll remember that. Thank you.
- She's got a great memory.Copy !req
495. Big Lou, thank you, buddy.Copy !req
496. - Thank you.
- Yeah, you bet.Copy !req
497. Hello, Ms. Rollins?Copy !req
498. This is Margaret from
the Deer Creek Country Club.Copy !req
499. I'm just calling to let you know
we won't be able to refund your depositCopy !req
500. since you canceled the rehearsal
on such short notice.Copy !req
501. - What? My God.
- I think you have a mistake here.Copy !req
502. We didn't cancel
the reception.Copy !req
503. I'm afraid we have unfortunately booked
something else in that time slot now.Copy !req
504. - A quinceañera.
- A quinceañera.Copy !req
505. - A what?
- The fuck's a quinceañera?Copy !req
506. A celebration of womanhood.Copy !req
507. It's a celebration of womanhood.Copy !req
508. - This is bullshit.
- My God!Copy !req
509. We're coming to the club right now.Copy !req
510. Hello?Copy !req
511. Hello?Copy !req
512. Hello, boys.Copy !req
513. Who is it?Copy !req
514. I am.Copy !req
515. Callahan approaches
from the left.Copy !req
516. Engage no-contact protocol.Copy !req
517. No hand shall touch my body.Copy !req
518. Mental note. Bob slapped Hoagie
with his hand. Hoagie is now it.Copy !req
519. Chilli.Copy !req
520. He dives at me in a pussy-like fashion.Copy !req
521. Poor planning. Poor execution.Copy !req
522. Piece of cake.Copy !req
523. I head for the door to escape.Copy !req
524. Sable blocks it.Copy !req
525. It's showtime.Copy !req
526. Hoagie has tagged Sable.
He is now fair game.Copy !req
527. I speedbag him.Copy !req
528. Jerry! You okay?Copy !req
529. I've never been better.Copy !req
530. Welcome home, boys!Copy !req
531. Hey, who's this with you?Copy !req
532. This is Rebecca. She's a reporter.Copy !req
533. Very famous.Copy !req
534. Did they, mention that
I haven't been tagged in 30 yearsCopy !req
535. 'cause they suck at this game?Copy !req
536. Extensively.Copy !req
537. Never been tagged. Just saying.Copy !req
538. I can't believe you would ratherCopy !req
539. not invite your closest friends
to your weddingCopy !req
540. than risk getting tagged.Copy !req
541. Hey, Bob, look, you're here, ain't you?
Right? I knew you'd come.Copy !req
542. Cookie, the valet needs the keys.Copy !req
543. Hi, baby. Come here, honey. Come here.Copy !req
544. We didn't invite you.Copy !req
545. - Yeah. Sorry.
- Guys.Copy !req
546. This is Susan, my soon-to-be-bride.Copy !req
547. - Hi. Nice to meet you, Susan.
- Hey.Copy !req
548. - Hi.
- She'll explain why.Copy !req
549. It's just...
I know it sounds really crazy.Copy !req
550. It's just, everyone on my mother's side
have had May weddings,Copy !req
551. and I don't want
my wedding ruined over...Copy !req
552. I swear, I don't wanna be that woman,Copy !req
553. but I do feel like that woman is kind
of understandable in this situation.Copy !req
554. Don't make excuses, baby.
You don't have to. Come on.Copy !req
555. Look, I already broke a fucking window.
What are we gonna do here, guys?Copy !req
556. - Amendment.
- Amendment.Copy !req
557. Amendment. All right. Get in here.Copy !req
558. Truce. Truce, bitches.Copy !req
559. No tag at the rehearsal.
No tag at the luncheon.Copy !req
560. No tag at the dinner. And do not
even mention tag at the ceremony.Copy !req
561. Ceremony.Copy !req
562. - We got it.
- Thank you.Copy !req
563. No way, I'm not signing this.Copy !req
564. You're officially re-not invited.
How's that?Copy !req
565. Okay, then fine.Copy !req
566. I'll crash your fucking wedding,Copy !req
567. and I'll tag you
as you try to kiss your bride.Copy !req
568. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
569. Look, Susan.
You seem like a lovely person,Copy !req
570. and I'm sure this will all be fine.Copy !req
571. We just need to formalize it, something
we've been doing a long time and...Copy !req
572. Sign it.Copy !req
573. What the...Copy !req
574. "No mention of tag is..."Copy !req
575. - Ridiculous.
- It's unreasonable.Copy !req
576. Thank you, guys.Copy !req
577. Here.Copy !req
578. All right, boys.Copy !req
579. - All right.
- So good to see you, Bob.Copy !req
580. You know what? Don't touch me when
we're on a truce. It's very patronizing.Copy !req
581. Yeah, it's a little weird for me, too.Copy !req
582. Well, it was really nice
meeting everyone,Copy !req
583. and I look forward to getting to know
you guys better this weekend and just...Copy !req
584. I don't know. I've just dreamt
about this day my whole life, so...Copy !req
585. - Congrats, Susan. We're happy for you.
- It's gonna be great.Copy !req
586. Thank you.Copy !req
587. It's really good to see you, boys.Copy !req
588. Cheers.Copy !req
589. Six tequilas, please.Copy !req
590. - To Jerry.
- Wait.Copy !req
591. So, boys, how did it go?Copy !req
592. - Not good.
- So bad.Copy !req
593. So, so bad.Copy !req
594. Did you guys just sign away
your chance to tag him?Copy !req
595. Yeah, but we're still okay
because non-wedding times are fair game.Copy !req
596. We just gotta find the right window.Copy !req
597. - What happened?
- He kicked our ass.Copy !req
598. - Well, technically, he punched my ass.
- Punched your ass.Copy !req
599. - Repeatedly.
- Hard.Copy !req
600. Well, according to the bylaws,
that is highly illegal.Copy !req
601. Except he didn't hit my asshole,Copy !req
602. - so it's legal.
- It's legal.Copy !req
603. Okay, what are you talking about?Copy !req
604. Here.Copy !req
605. Page...Copy !req
606. Yes! Right there.Copy !req
607. No asshole punching.Copy !req
608. Why would you play a game where
you're constantly punched in the ass?Copy !req
609. Fair question, Rebecca.Copy !req
610. Beep. I'll take this.Copy !req
611. Tag is more than a game.
It's a way of life.Copy !req
612. No, buddy.Copy !req
613. That's exactly right. You nailed it.Copy !req
614. Facial disgracial.Copy !req
615. Okay, Lou, thank you.Copy !req
616. We'll take it from here...Copy !req
617. But he's exactly right.Copy !req
618. It's so much more than a game.Copy !req
619. Say I'm LeVar Burton.
Say I'm LeVar Burton.Copy !req
620. I was there
when Sable lost his virginity.Copy !req
621. God damn it, Hoagie!
I was almost finished!Copy !req
622. Get over here!Copy !req
623. And Callahan was there
when Anna and I had our first child.Copy !req
624. Congratulations, buddy.
You're it. Doing great, Anna.Copy !req
625. And all the guys were there
for me when my father died.Copy !req
626. I think your dad would have
really wanted you to beCopy !req
627. it in this moment.Copy !req
628. This game,Copy !req
629. it's given us a reason to be
in each other's lives all these years.Copy !req
630. The last it from each season
will live in shame for one year.Copy !req
631. - So what happens if you lose?
- You lose.Copy !req
632. - You're it.
- What does the winner get?Copy !req
633. There are no winners. Just not losers.Copy !req
634. I would love to sit here and deconstruct
the spirit of competition with everyone,Copy !req
635. but Jerry's still on the loose,Copy !req
636. and we've got to get him where it hurts.Copy !req
637. - Not in the asshole.
- Not in the asshole. Obviously.Copy !req
638. Guys, let's go to his house.Copy !req
639. He wouldn't be at his house.
It's too obvious.Copy !req
640. Yeah, it's too obvious,
so he's gonna be there. This is Jerry.Copy !req
641. Maybe it's so obvious that
it's not obvious that he will be there.Copy !req
642. - So he's at the house.
- He's not gonna be there.Copy !req
643. If he's there, then it'll be obvious
for him to be there,Copy !req
644. so he wouldn't be thereCopy !req
645. because he would think that we would
automatically come there, obviously.Copy !req
646. What?Copy !req
647. You know what? One way to find out.Copy !req
648. Let's go.Copy !req
649. It'll be obvious to...Copy !req
650. Come on!Copy !req
651. It's locked.Copy !req
652. What do you see?Copy !req
653. It's nice.Copy !req
654. There's lot of attention to detail,
but not too overdone.Copy !req
655. Well, can you just unlock it?Copy !req
656. This is breaking and entering.Copy !req
657. No, it doesn't count
if you know the person.Copy !req
658. That is not true.Copy !req
659. "Did you guys really think
I would be home?"Copy !req
660. Feels like a trap.Copy !req
661. All right, let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.Copy !req
662. No, that's a terrible idea.Copy !req
663. He'll never expect it.Copy !req
664. Now help me out of the door, please.Copy !req
665. Jerry!Copy !req
666. He's gotta be here.Copy !req
667. Have you ever even been here before?Copy !req
668. Ooh.Copy !req
669. Deviled eggs.Copy !req
670. Delicious. These go fast.Copy !req
671. What the fuck?Copy !req
672. Man.Copy !req
673. Whoa.Copy !req
674. Jerry got chloroform?Copy !req
675. What the fuck? He has stepped it up.Copy !req
676. Aerial maps of the city.
Bunch of blueprints.Copy !req
677. Five different hats? Wow.Copy !req
678. People change.Copy !req
679. Did you...Copy !req
680. I didn't do anything.Copy !req
681. Who is that scampering around my house?Copy !req
682. Hello, boys, did you really think
I'd go home?Copy !req
683. - You idiots.
- I knew it.Copy !req
684. - It's too obvious.
- Yep.Copy !req
685. I mean, that's just a lucky guess.Copy !req
686. Okay, Jerry, where are you?Copy !req
687. You know, seeing you guys tonightCopy !req
688. made me wanna take a walk down
memory lane.Copy !req
689. Ta-da!Copy !req
690. - Is that your...
- That's my bedroom.Copy !req
691. You're at my parents' house.
Why are you at my parents' house?Copy !req
692. It's a little smaller than I remember.Copy !req
693. You broke into my house!Copy !req
694. We broke into his house.Copy !req
695. Yeah, we broke into your house.Copy !req
696. Hey, hey! Look who I found, Hoag.Copy !req
697. Hoagie, I miss you so much!Copy !req
698. What are you doing with Mr. Stubbles?Copy !req
699. This little guy
got you throughCopy !req
700. a lot of troubles in life, didn't he?Copy !req
701. All right, Jerry.Copy !req
702. Let's see where this one goes.Copy !req
703. Mr. Stubbles has something to say.
What was that?Copy !req
704. He says that his skin's very dry.
It needs to be moisturized.Copy !req
705. Jerry, put down Mr. Stubbles.
So help me God.Copy !req
706. What's happening here?Copy !req
707. I think he's about to masturbate
in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.Copy !req
708. No.Copy !req
709. It's the ultimate act of dominance.Copy !req
710. I'm gonna stay here until you come.Copy !req
711. Unless I come first.Copy !req
712. You sly dog.Copy !req
713. - Go! Go! Go!
- Did you get him?Copy !req
714. - Start the car!
- I started it. I started it.Copy !req
715. Everybody put their seat belts on.Copy !req
716. Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
717. - Everybody in.
- Hold on.Copy !req
718. Is everybody in?Copy !req
719. This is gonna be nice and smooth,
Mr. Stubbies.Copy !req
720. This isn't gonna hurt whatsoever.Copy !req
721. Stay put. We're coming for you.
We're coming for you.Copy !req
722. Yeah, but hurry up! Daddy, hurry up!Copy !req
723. Mr. Stubbles is not into you.
He can't be into you.Copy !req
724. He's not a sexual being, okay?
So put him down!Copy !req
725. Hey, team.Copy !req
726. Jerry, how are you in my room right now?Copy !req
727. We're all in my room.Copy !req
728. No, of course I'm not there. I'm here.
In my basement.Copy !req
729. Where are you guys?Copy !req
730. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
731. He built a replica
of your bedroom in his basement?Copy !req
732. Good night, gentlemen.Copy !req
733. Amateurs.Copy !req
734. Let's begin. Um...Copy !req
735. So kind of a rough start.Copy !req
736. That was pretty standard, actually.
Yeah, Jerry's extreme.Copy !req
737. The masturbation was fake,
but the pleasure was real.Copy !req
738. I mean, I've said it before,
but we're not gonna tag him because,Copy !req
739. you know, he's better at tag
than us.Copy !req
740. I'm obviously going to be the one
that tags Jerry.Copy !req
741. I've been working
with this Japanese guy. Sensei.Copy !req
742. He knows zero karate.Copy !req
743. He doesn't know karate.
He's claiming to know karate?Copy !req
744. He doesn't know karate.
I don't think he knows karate.Copy !req
745. Well, then what does he call it when
I roundhouse kicked him in 10th grade?Copy !req
746. Callahan and Chilli did get in a
huge fight sophomore year of high schoolCopy !req
747. and Callahan did just tag Chilli
with a beautiful roundhouse kick.Copy !req
748. But in Chilli's defense, when Callahan
kicked him...Copy !req
749. He shit in his pants!Copy !req
750. Yeah, okay, that never happened.Copy !req
751. And it's nice to actually get
an opportunity to address it directly.Copy !req
752. By all means. I'm all ears.Copy !req
753. I mean, I was very sweaty.
It was warm out.Copy !req
754. The sweaty ass defense?
He's been banging that drum for years.Copy !req
755. Hottest October on record, if I recall.
Look it up.Copy !req
756. Wall Street Journal,
you have fact checkersCopy !req
757. for this exact scenario, right?Copy !req
758. Yeah.Copy !req
759. While you're at it,
can you have the fact checkers look intoCopy !req
760. if The Maury Povich Show is staged?
'Cause it feels staged,Copy !req
761. but he swears it's not staged.Copy !req
762. But they do the exact same thing
every time.Copy !req
763. What?Copy !req
764. Sable, I know where
Jerry's gonna be. I need the tag.Copy !req
765. Okay.Copy !req
766. Yeah. Just picked up the tux.Copy !req
767. All right, see you soon, babe.Copy !req
768. Hey, Rob, how're you doing, bud?
Good to see you.Copy !req
769. You, too, man.Copy !req
770. Gloria, ma'am.Copy !req
771. - My balloon!
- Whoa!Copy !req
772. Hey, this must be yours, buddy.Copy !req
773. Thanks, mister.Copy !req
774. Look at that.
You gonna eat that whole thing?Copy !req
775. You know what? You should consider
some alternative snacks.Copy !req
776. Keeping fitness fun, buddy.Copy !req
777. Excuse me, ma'am.Copy !req
778. You dropped your...Copy !req
779. Men's athletic crossover-style boot,Copy !req
780. size nine and a half.Copy !req
781. Suggests a man
that is neither fashionableCopy !req
782. nor athletic.Copy !req
783. Hoagie.Copy !req
784. Little does Hoagie knowCopy !req
785. I've been teaching a women's
self-defense boot camp for six years.Copy !req
786. First defense 101.Copy !req
787. Class is in session.Copy !req
788. Holy shit!Copy !req
789. - You're done, Hoagie.
- Never!Copy !req
790. You're done.Copy !req
791. Never!Copy !req
792. All right, I'm done.Copy !req
793. Dude, you look amazing, by the way.
You've really upped your game!Copy !req
794. How'd you know I was gonna be here?Copy !req
795. Aha! Surprised you, right?Copy !req
796. I saw the pick-up ticket for your tailorCopy !req
797. when we broke into your house
the other night.Copy !req
798. Impressive.Copy !req
799. I'm taking you down, Jerry.Copy !req
800. Well, we both know
that's never gonna happen.Copy !req
801. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Coming through. Excuse me.Copy !req
802. Boy. Cavalry's coming in.Copy !req
803. Hey, Jerry.Copy !req
804. This old lady bothering you?Copy !req
805. I'm good, Marvin. Thanks, man.
Everything's all right.Copy !req
806. It's just a friend of mine.Copy !req
807. Hey, it's good to see you.
Looking good, brother.Copy !req
808. - My man.
- Yeah, staying in shape.Copy !req
809. What the fuck?Copy !req
810. All right, well, maybe
I'll call the police. All right?Copy !req
811. This is assault.
You willing to go to jail for this?Copy !req
812. You're goddamn right, I am.Copy !req
813. Okay, then maybe I will cause
a big scene and get arrested also.Copy !req
814. Then, once we both get to jail,
I'll just...Copy !req
815. What? Bribe a guard?Copy !req
816. Be put in my cell? Yeah, I figured
you'd say that. It's pretty obvious.Copy !req
817. Hoag, you have to realize
that's gonna take hours,Copy !req
818. during which timeCopy !req
819. I'll have fashioned
a shiv from my toothbrushCopy !req
820. and used it to murder my cellmate.Copy !req
821. You'd just shiv your cellmate?Copy !req
822. Don't worry. He's a bad person
who's done terrible things,Copy !req
823. so justice is served.Copy !req
824. Okay.Copy !req
825. It gets me thrown in solitary
confinement, which is what I want.Copy !req
826. Out of reach. Completely untaggable.Copy !req
827. Damn, you have thought this through.Copy !req
828. Pretty good, right?Copy !req
829. Look, understand two things, Hoagie.Copy !req
830. First, you're not gonna screw up
this wedding. Okay?Copy !req
831. And secondly,
I will never let you tag me.Copy !req
832. You're gonna die before that ever
happens. You understand that, right?Copy !req
833. I don't fear death, Jerry.
And I'm not gonna give this upCopy !req
834. till I die.Copy !req
835. Okay. Good luck.Copy !req
836. See you at the rehearsal, Jerry.Copy !req
837. These hushpuppies are insane.Copy !req
838. All right, listen.Copy !req
839. T-minus 34 minutes until this rehearsal
dinner is over, and Jerry's fair game.Copy !req
840. There's four of us. There's four exits.
Let's fan out and trap this rat.Copy !req
841. Okay? Synchronize your watches.Copy !req
842. - I don't know how to do that.
- I don't wear a watch.Copy !req
843. Time is a construct.Copy !req
844. Okay, 5:00.Copy !req
845. Could have said that at the beginning.Copy !req
846. Well, we said it now.Copy !req
847. - 5:00, how hard is that?
- 5:00, yeah, it's easy.Copy !req
848. - Hi, guys. How are you?
- How are you?Copy !req
849. Sorry about the other night.
That wasn't...Copy !req
850. Yeah, that wasn't cool.Copy !req
851. No. I mean, listen,
I know it's not just you guys.Copy !req
852. I mean, Jerry's worse than all of you.Copy !req
853. He's very competitive.Copy !req
854. When we were kids, we had a contestCopy !req
855. to see who could hold their breath
for the longest underwater.Copy !req
856. He almost died.Copy !req
857. He won, but at what cost? Really?Copy !req
858. I hope he's this competitive
when it comes to being a father.Copy !req
859. Are you pregnant?Copy !req
860. - Really?
- Yeah, that's why the Shirley Temple.Copy !req
861. - My gosh!
- I know.Copy !req
862. - Here, cheers!
- Congratulations, that's great!Copy !req
863. - Cheers, thank you!
- My gosh!Copy !req
864. - That's such good news.
- Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
865. - We're not telling that many people.
- Okay.Copy !req
866. Listen, I know
it's gonna get a little wackyCopy !req
867. over the next couple of days
with you guys.Copy !req
868. - Sure the fuck is, yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
869. Just don't go too farCopy !req
870. and go out there and play golf.
It's amazing. Do something fun.Copy !req
871. - Okay? Okay. Bye, guys.
- See you.Copy !req
872. I like her.
She has a beautiful personality.Copy !req
873. Very effervescent. Good energy.
Good vibes.Copy !req
874. Don't believe a word
she fucking says.Copy !req
875. She's a hired hand. She's an actress.Copy !req
876. - What?
- I mean, look at this son of a bitch.Copy !req
877. - This is Colonel Sanders in the flesh.
- That's, like, her uncle.Copy !req
878. - It's the fucking Truman Show.
- Will you stop?Copy !req
879. The whole thing. Jerry set it up.
I guarantee it.Copy !req
880. Every single person here has been hired.Copy !req
881. You have gotta calm down.Copy !req
882. Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm his wife.Copy !req
883. Jerry, is that Cheryl Deakins?Copy !req
884. Yeah. Good. Hey!Copy !req
885. - You invited her?
- Yeah, of course.Copy !req
886. What?Copy !req
887. What? We're all old friends.Copy !req
888. Makes sense.Copy !req
889. I'm not buying this.Copy !req
890. Is that...Copy !req
891. Cheryl Deakins.Copy !req
892. You know she was coming, Bob?Copy !req
893. - I did not.
- I didn't either.Copy !req
894. She looks good.Copy !req
895. - Great. She always does.
- Yeah.Copy !req
896. Wow!Copy !req
897. Who is Cheryl Deakins?Copy !req
898. Is she like the Yoko or something?Copy !req
899. I don't get that reference,Copy !req
900. but she's someone whose presence
causes strain on our group.Copy !req
901. We've known her since grade school.Copy !req
902. She was the first girl that Chilli
and Callahan had a crush on.Copy !req
903. When we were kids,
Cheryl was into Chilli,Copy !req
904. much to Callahan's chagrin.Copy !req
905. But young love is unpredictable.Copy !req
906. Later that same year, she decided
she was into Callahan,Copy !req
907. much to Chilli's chagrin.Copy !req
908. But she always had
a place in her heart for Chilli.Copy !req
909. And this went on for decades.Copy !req
910. And all of a sudden,
she just married an orthodontist.Copy !req
911. They get all the chicks.Copy !req
912. What?Copy !req
913. How long has it been
since you've seen her?Copy !req
914. About 10 years for me. How about you?Copy !req
915. Same, I guess.Copy !req
916. - Been a while.
- Sure has.Copy !req
917. You sneaky trickster.Copy !req
918. She looks amazing, and you know it.
Think about this.Copy !req
919. What if Cheryl ended up getting back
together with our boy?Copy !req
920. - Chilli?
- Callahan?Copy !req
921. Obviously.Copy !req
922. - Wait. What?
- Duh.Copy !req
923. - Did you say Chilli?
- You're Team Callahan?Copy !req
924. - Yeah!
- We've been married all this time,Copy !req
925. and you think she should end up
with Callahan?Copy !req
926. Of course. Wait, you think Chilli?Copy !req
927. Wait, do you know those guys at all?Copy !req
928. Who are you right now?Copy !req
929. - What?
- You're freaking me out.Copy !req
930. I feel like I don't even know you.Copy !req
931. You're like this foreign person.Copy !req
932. Do you want me to be a foreign person?Copy !req
933. What?Copy !req
934. Here? Right now?Copy !req
935. Because, um...Copy !req
936. I just got lost
on the way to bibliothèque,Copy !req
937. and I don't know
where all my other French friends are.Copy !req
938. Chantelle is here?Copy !req
939. Chantelle is here with...Copy !req
940. My God!Copy !req
941. Honey, it's almost 5:00.Copy !req
942. Keep your head in the game.Copy !req
943. You're so good.Copy !req
944. Come on, we'll go to the bathroom
for five minutes.Copy !req
945. All right.Copy !req
946. It's crazy.Copy !req
947. - Hey, you should go talk with her.
- No, you should go.Copy !req
948. Neither of you should.Copy !req
949. - Thanks.
- You're welcome. Neither one.Copy !req
950. Shut up, Sable.Copy !req
951. No, honestly, it should be you, Bob.Copy !req
952. No, I think she really
wants to talk to youCopy !req
953. 'cause I think girls really like,
you know,Copy !req
954. depressed guys that still have a name
for their bong.Copy !req
955. Get a good one.Copy !req
956. This is gonna go great.Copy !req
957. Thank you.Copy !req
958. All right, good advice.Copy !req
959. Good luck.Copy !req
960. Tell her I said hi.Copy !req
961. Cheryl Deakins.Copy !req
962. Chilli Cilliano.Copy !req
963. How'd you know it was me?Copy !req
964. I'd know that faint smell of sativa
and Old Spice anywhere.Copy !req
965. Yeah. I had to get a little stoned.Copy !req
966. I can't be sober at these things.
They're awful.Copy !req
967. That was the wrong choice, man.Copy !req
968. What?Copy !req
969. Neither of you should have gone,
but if one of you should have went,Copy !req
970. then it should have been you.Copy !req
971. How many wines have you had?Copy !req
972. How many legs does an octopus have?Copy !req
973. Well, eight.Copy !req
974. I see that you've been
rejecting fashion trendsCopy !req
975. and haircuts and maybe hygiene.
I respect that.Copy !req
976. Well, I think respect is the key to the
beginning of rebuilding a friendship.Copy !req
977. - Is that a saying? Maybe?
- Yeah, sure. Who said that?Copy !req
978. I don't know. I wanna hear
about this husband of yours.Copy !req
979. What's the story?
Is he still charming, sensible, rich?Copy !req
980. No. Dead.Copy !req
981. Yeah, same with me.Copy !req
982. Dead to me. Divorced.Copy !req
983. No, I mean he's "dead" dead.
He actually died.Copy !req
984. He's dead?Copy !req
985. For real?Copy !req
986. Yeah, he, um...Copy !req
987. He died in a car crash.
We were separated already.Copy !req
988. You already separated.Copy !req
989. - Yeah.
- And now he's dead. He's gone.Copy !req
990. - He's gone.
- Officially.Copy !req
991. Act a little more upset about it.Copy !req
992. I know, but, anyway, how are you?
How's your life?Copy !req
993. Great. I lost my business. Divorced.
Playing tag competitively.Copy !req
994. Pretty much rock bottom.Copy !req
995. - Are you trying to make me horny?
- Fuck yes, I am.Copy !req
996. - 'Cause it's happening.
- It is?Copy !req
997. Yeah.Copy !req
998. So have you tried the hushpuppies,
or what?Copy !req
999. What do you think they're talking about?Copy !req
1000. I don't know, and I don't want
you to worry about it.Copy !req
1001. We've got 15 minutes.Copy !req
1002. Chilli, I think about you
all the time, Chilli.Copy !req
1003. Yeah? But what about
Callahan? He's so handsome.Copy !req
1004. He's very handsome,
but he's a selfish loverCopy !req
1005. with a small dick.Copy !req
1006. Really?Copy !req
1007. Plus he sobs after he comes.Copy !req
1008. Okay.Copy !req
1009. Wow.Copy !req
1010. It's okay, Callahan.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.Copy !req
1011. Okay, you know what?
You guys are all 12-year-olds.Copy !req
1012. Chilli.Copy !req
1013. Hey, Cheryl, I want to reconnect.Copy !req
1014. Yeah.Copy !req
1015. - What's happening now?
- Bob!Copy !req
1016. Yeah, I'm just...
I'm just feeling the vibes.Copy !req
1017. I mean, who wants to have sex
with a guy named Bob?Copy !req
1018. "Bob." Just doesn't sound right.
"Bob."Copy !req
1019. - "Bob."
- "Bob."Copy !req
1020. - "Bob. Bob, Bob."
- "Robert."Copy !req
1021. "Bob."Copy !req
1022. I wasn't gonna text you, you know?Copy !req
1023. I didn't wanna mess with you
when you were married.Copy !req
1024. No, I think that's nice. Respectful.Copy !req
1025. If I knew he was dead,
I would have texted right away.Copy !req
1026. All right. Okay.Copy !req
1027. - No! Please don't leave on that!
- No, it's fine.Copy !req
1028. We're good. We're good.
I'm just gonna use the ladies' room.Copy !req
1029. - I'll see you later.
- Okay.Copy !req
1030. - It's nice to see you.
- It's great to see you.Copy !req
1031. You too.Copy !req
1032. Widowed.Copy !req
1033. Cheryl Deakins.Copy !req
1034. What are you doing here?Copy !req
1035. And where are the urinals?Copy !req
1036. Probably in the men's room.Copy !req
1037. - You haven't changed a bit.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1038. No, that was not a compliment.Copy !req
1039. Well, I have matured.Copy !req
1040. Have you? Really?Copy !req
1041. Because this old move where you
follow me into the bathroom,Copy !req
1042. it's exactly what you did
at junior prom.Copy !req
1043. It was a good move then,
and it's a good move now.Copy !req
1044. Marginally nicer bathroom.Copy !req
1045. Do you wanna get a drink?Copy !req
1046. Actually, I think
I'm gonna head home.Copy !req
1047. Can I give you a ride?Copy !req
1048. - Sure.
- Great.Copy !req
1049. Right after we have that drink.Copy !req
1050. I see what you did there.Copy !req
1051. Okay, guys. It's almost go time.
Is everybody in position? Over.Copy !req
1052. Sable is in position.Copy !req
1053. - Chilli!
- Yeah. Let's get him.Copy !req
1054. Callahan. Callahan,
do you read me? Over.Copy !req
1055. Callahan. Where are you, buddy?Copy !req
1056. Callahan!Copy !req
1057. We got an unguarded exit, okay?Copy !req
1058. Hi.Copy !req
1059. Callahan!Copy !req
1060. Go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
1061. Go!Copy !req
1062. Not today, motherfucker!Copy !req
1063. Hey, thanks for coming. Appreciate it.Copy !req
1064. Go! Go!Copy !req
1065. Come and get it, bitches!Copy !req
1066. - Get in! Get in!
- We're close. We're close.Copy !req
1067. Go!Copy !req
1068. - Hold on! Hold on!
- Go, go!Copy !req
1069. Go faster! Go faster!Copy !req
1070. Giddy up!Copy !req
1071. We're coming for you!Copy !req
1072. Go, Hoagie, go!Copy !req
1073. Jesus!Copy !req
1074. Incoming!Copy !req
1075. - Son of a bitch!
- Come on!Copy !req
1076. Go! Go!Copy !req
1077. God, I wish I had my gun here.Copy !req
1078. There are so many good birds to shoot.Copy !req
1079. So this is a vacation for you?Copy !req
1080. Yeah. I mean, some couples go
on cruises. Some couples go camping.Copy !req
1081. Some couples go to strip clubs
and have gangbangs,Copy !req
1082. and this is just what we do.
This is what we love.Copy !req
1083. This is our gangbang.Copy !req
1084. You know, it seems to me like
you'd be really good at the game.Copy !req
1085. - Why don't you play?
- Well,Copy !req
1086. they came up with the rules
when they were nine. No girls allowed.Copy !req
1087. And to be honest, I can get a littleCopy !req
1088. overly aggressive
and competitive sometimes.Copy !req
1089. Come on, Jerry.
You're dead meat!Copy !req
1090. Yeah, kick his ass!Copy !req
1091. Keep your eyes downfield!Copy !req
1092. Cut across the fourth fairway!Copy !req
1093. Don't fuck this up!Copy !req
1094. Yeah. Well.Copy !req
1095. I have to show you
pictures of our kids.Copy !req
1096. Go, go, go!Copy !req
1097. Get him, Hoagie. Get him!Copy !req
1098. Hold on. Hold on.Copy !req
1099. Hoagie, stop!Copy !req
1100. - Hoagie, what are you doing?
- I can't see!Copy !req
1101. Whoo!Copy !req
1102. Everybody good?Copy !req
1103. I'm fine. I'm fine.Copy !req
1104. Well, that happened.Copy !req
1105. Onward.Copy !req
1106. Let's get him.Copy !req
1107. Whoo! That was invigorating.Copy !req
1108. That is psychological warfare
right there.Copy !req
1109. That's impressive.Copy !req
1110. Yeah, that's a good move.Copy !req
1111. Good one, Jer!Copy !req
1112. There he is!Copy !req
1113. Hello, boys.Copy !req
1114. What?Copy !req
1115. What the...Copy !req
1116. How's he doing this?Copy !req
1117. All right, Jerry, stop!Copy !req
1118. He's multiplying!
It's happening!Copy !req
1119. - What the fuck?
- There's one!Copy !req
1120. One is there!Copy !req
1121. - Hey!
- What?Copy !req
1122. You guys, there's so many.
There's so many!Copy !req
1123. What the...Copy !req
1124. There he is! I'm coming for you, Jerry!Copy !req
1125. Chilli, you're not even it!Copy !req
1126. I'm on your ass!Copy !req
1127. Come on!Copy !req
1128. Shit!Copy !req
1129. Shit!Copy !req
1130. This is terrible. This is pure bullshit.Copy !req
1131. We should not be here.Copy !req
1132. This is getting way too extreme.Copy !req
1133. I need you to buck up, Sable.Copy !req
1134. - Yeah.
- Come on, let's stay focused.Copy !req
1135. Yeah, we bucked up
out of the goddamn golf cart.Copy !req
1136. You smell that?
Do you smell it?Copy !req
1137. It's Jerry. I smell him.Copy !req
1138. It's leaves and grass.Copy !req
1139. And centipedes.Copy !req
1140. Just typical woods stuff.Copy !req
1141. He's close.Copy !req
1142. I can feel it.Copy !req
1143. I can feel something.Copy !req
1144. Shit!Copy !req
1145. - Jesus! My God!
- Shit.Copy !req
1146. - My, God!
- Wow, that's crazy.Copy !req
1147. Our friend is a psychopath,
and this is scary.Copy !req
1148. He got me. I'm down.Copy !req
1149. This is on you now. Come here.Copy !req
1150. Let me tag you.Copy !req
1151. Come on!Copy !req
1152. All right.Copy !req
1153. I can see him.Copy !req
1154. He's at three o'clock. 50 yards out.Copy !req
1155. - Three o'clock. Got it.
- Three o'clock.Copy !req
1156. Sable!Copy !req
1157. That three o'clock.Copy !req
1158. - You didn't say which time zone, man!
- There's no time zones.Copy !req
1159. Why didn't you just point
the first time? Next time, just point.Copy !req
1160. It's that way. Go!Copy !req
1161. - Okay.
- Go, go, go.Copy !req
1162. Go, Sable, go!Copy !req
1163. I see you.Copy !req
1164. Yeah, motherfucker.Copy !req
1165. You're it!Copy !req
1166. I don't like that.Copy !req
1167. Sleep.Copy !req
1168. Sable?Copy !req
1169. Sable?Copy !req
1170. What happened?Copy !req
1171. Well, you got chloroformed.Copy !req
1172. Chloroformed? What?Copy !req
1173. Bob took our car,
and now we're in a Lyft.Copy !req
1174. We're going to the Sandpiper.Copy !req
1175. I don't wanna be it anymore.Copy !req
1176. I don't wanna be it.
Hoagie, it's on you, bud.Copy !req
1177. Now, what the fuck?Copy !req
1178. Wait. I'm confused.
What just happened in there?Copy !req
1179. Well, Jerry woke up early,
got some grounds crewCopy !req
1180. to go out in the woods, build some
snares and a swinging log trap,Copy !req
1181. and, wear matching outfits
to act as decoys.Copy !req
1182. Maniac.Copy !req
1183. Are you okay?Copy !req
1184. Yes, yes. I am. I am... I'm good.Copy !req
1185. I am amazed that you're able to stay
so optimistic after all that.Copy !req
1186. Well, some have said
I am the heart and soul of the game.Copy !req
1187. No, you've said that.Copy !req
1188. You're the only person
I've heard say that.Copy !req
1189. Well, technically "just me"
fits the legal definition of "some,"Copy !req
1190. so suck a dick.Copy !req
1191. Well, it seems like the game
has really kept you guys connected.Copy !req
1192. - Exactly.
- Well, except Jerry.Copy !req
1193. What? Don't say that.Copy !req
1194. How often do you see Jerry
outside of tag?Copy !req
1195. Well, not super
frequently, but...Copy !req
1196. I mean, would you consider that
a close friendship?Copy !req
1197. Well, that's kind of a dicky question.Copy !req
1198. Thank you.Copy !req
1199. All I'm saying is,
Callahan better fucking be here.Copy !req
1200. What's up? What?Copy !req
1201. Look who decided to show up.Copy !req
1202. What? I had a business call
with Beijing.Copy !req
1203. Couldn't be helped. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1204. Business call with Beijing? It would
have been 8:00 a.m. Saturday out there.Copy !req
1205. You doing business calls
at 8:00 a.m. Saturday morning?Copy !req
1206. Why do you know so much
about Beijing time zones?Copy !req
1207. 2008 Olympics. Michael Phelps, baby.Copy !req
1208. Fair enough.
Okay, anyway, I have an idea.Copy !req
1209. - Anybody want to hear it?
- Yes.Copy !req
1210. - What is it?
- Jerry's gym.Copy !req
1211. Someone there's gotta know where he is.Copy !req
1212. - I like this. That's a good idea.
- Great!Copy !req
1213. - Up top! Buckle up, gang!
- Yes! Giddy up!Copy !req
1214. - You're it, by the way.
- What's wrong?Copy !req
1215. - My fucking knee.
- What's wrong with your knee?Copy !req
1216. I got hit by a log.Copy !req
1217. You got hit by a log, what?Copy !req
1218. We were chasing him. I got hit
by a fucking log. It really hurts.Copy !req
1219. I'm gonna go in. Fuck, I'm pissed off
about this, but go.Copy !req
1220. You want me to call the pediatrician?Copy !req
1221. I'm an adult.
I don't need a pediatrician.Copy !req
1222. You're not coming?Copy !req
1223. I think I'm gonna slow you down.
Why don't you guys go?Copy !req
1224. After the gym, let's meet up.Copy !req
1225. All right, fine.Copy !req
1226. Trust me, I wanna go, but I just...Copy !req
1227. Y'all need a sub? I'm in!Copy !req
1228. We're super good, man. Thanks!Copy !req
1229. We're good.Copy !req
1230. Who's banned now, bitch?Copy !req
1231. I'm okay.
All right, guys. Take it easy!Copy !req
1232. That knee healed up fast.Copy !req
1233. Stay out of this, Lou.Copy !req
1234. You saucy devil.Copy !req
1235. Hey, there, welcome to Granite Fitness.
Get hard, stay hard.Copy !req
1236. Just so you guys know, we're going
to be closing in five short minutes,Copy !req
1237. but is there anything
I can help you with?Copy !req
1238. Yes, Dave, in fact, there is something
you could help us with.Copy !req
1239. How would you like to earn $500?Copy !req
1240. Okay, just so you guys know, I'm not
sucking your guys' dicks, all right?Copy !req
1241. And I'm not letting you
suck my dick either.Copy !req
1242. No one is talking about anyone
sucking anyone's anything.Copy !req
1243. You sure about that?
'Cause this guy's eyeing me hard.Copy !req
1244. What?Copy !req
1245. I'm just saying, man,
you've got that vibe.Copy !req
1246. - Yeah?
- Stop it.Copy !req
1247. Hey, Sable, seriously. Chill.Copy !req
1248. - Just stop it.
- Stop it.Copy !req
1249. It's too sexual. You're undressing me,
literally, right now with your eyes.Copy !req
1250. Dave. 500 bucks, and all we want
is to know where Jerry is.Copy !req
1251. Jerry. Yes, okay, shit.Copy !req
1252. He did mention that some people
were gonna swing by looking for him.Copy !req
1253. He left a message. Um, yeah.Copy !req
1254. Go fuck yourselves.Copy !req
1255. Okay, look. $1,000.
All right? Easy money.Copy !req
1256. Jerry won't even know
that you sold him out.Copy !req
1257. I got a better idea.
Why don't you go backCopy !req
1258. to the little Best Western
that you're staying inCopy !req
1259. and jerk each other off in the nude?Copy !req
1260. Why do you keep taking this conversation
into a sexual direction?Copy !req
1261. Listen, Dave. $1,500. Don't be an idiot.Copy !req
1262. Not a chance,
you dick-sucking homophobes.Copy !req
1263. - Hey!
- What?Copy !req
1264. Dave?Copy !req
1265. Do you know what we're gonna do?Copy !req
1266. What?Copy !req
1267. We're gonna waterboard you.Copy !req
1268. Don't be a hero, Dave.Copy !req
1269. Jerry doesn't give a shit about you.Copy !req
1270. So tell us where he is.Copy !req
1271. I'm never gonna tell you.Copy !req
1272. Last chance, Dave.Copy !req
1273. You're not gonna go through with this
for some game, so quit jerking me off!Copy !req
1274. Jesus.Copy !req
1275. No one's jerking you off, kid,Copy !req
1276. 'cause Jerry has pushed us
to the fucking edge.Copy !req
1277. If you don't tell us
what we need to know,Copy !req
1278. you're going over the edge with us.Copy !req
1279. You ready to die for this shit?Copy !req
1280. I'd rather die than get sucked off
by you homophobes.Copy !req
1281. We're not gonna suck you off.
We're gonna waterboard you.Copy !req
1282. I'm just taking
a principled stand right now.Copy !req
1283. Okay. Well, guess what.
Now, this is gonna happen. All right?Copy !req
1284. Are you ready?
I hope you can hold your breath, son!Copy !req
1285. Do it!Copy !req
1286. 'Cause this is going right down!Copy !req
1287. - Yeah!
- Yeah! You son of a bitch!Copy !req
1288. Here it comes!Copy !req
1289. It's coming!
It's coming! It's coming!Copy !req
1290. Yeah. You know, we should not.Copy !req
1291. I feel like it would be way too much.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1292. That got out of hand.Copy !req
1293. My heart is beating
really fast right now.Copy !req
1294. We were just kidding.
We were just bluffing.Copy !req
1295. - No, we weren't fucking bluffing!
- Anna, Anna, Anna!Copy !req
1296. - My God, no. Just, no.
- Sweetheart.Copy !req
1297. It's a war crime, right?
It's not really who we are.Copy !req
1298. Yes, sorry.Copy !req
1299. We got a kinky cat over here.Copy !req
1300. - Okay.
- Fuck you, Dave.Copy !req
1301. God, I love your passion.Copy !req
1302. I'll tell you what.Copy !req
1303. I will tell you where Jerry's gonna beCopy !req
1304. for $2,000. Cash. American.Copy !req
1305. - Okay, fine.
- No problem.Copy !req
1306. Why didn't you say that
in the first place?Copy !req
1307. Why did you take us
down this whole road?Copy !req
1308. Well, it looked like
there was room to negotiate,Copy !req
1309. and I was all prepared to do that.Copy !req
1310. But then we went down
the whole torture track,Copy !req
1311. and I just dug
my heels in, philosophically.Copy !req
1312. I happen to be an objector.Copy !req
1313. - We are too, obviously.
- Not really.Copy !req
1314. It was a bluff.Copy !req
1315. You know what?
You should probably not write this down,Copy !req
1316. and if it does come up,Copy !req
1317. just mention that
we didn't actually waterboard him.Copy !req
1318. No waterboarding.Copy !req
1319. Just a lot of talk about
sucking each other's dicks.Copy !req
1320. Yeah.Copy !req
1321. Okay, look, you know what? Here.Copy !req
1322. I'm gonna give you $2,000,
and I'm gonna give you an extra $500.Copy !req
1323. You just carry around that kind of cash
all day?Copy !req
1324. You were mentioning something
about Jerry, I think.Copy !req
1325. Yeah, Jerry is in AA.Copy !req
1326. - Wait, what?
- Yeah. Alcoholics Anonymous.Copy !req
1327. I know what it stands for. Wait, did you
guys know anything about this?Copy !req
1328. He goes there every morning
at a church on Brunswick.Copy !req
1329. Looking back, I can kind of see it.Copy !req
1330. I mean, the first step is recognizing
you have a problem.Copy !req
1331. I'm just glad
he's getting the help he needs.Copy !req
1332. Sorry, did you say
that church is on Brunswick?Copy !req
1333. - Yes.
- Okay!Copy !req
1334. - Let's go! Clean up the water!
- Thank you!Copy !req
1335. So sorry.Copy !req
1336. I told you this wasn't gonna be just
another boring corporate profile, right?Copy !req
1337. Right. This is definitely different.Copy !req
1338. And I know I'm no longer
the center of the story,Copy !req
1339. which is fine with me.
I don't mind giving up the...Copy !req
1340. Bob, can I buy you a drink?Copy !req
1341. Can you fucking believe this?
Hold on one second.Copy !req
1342. - Maybe...
- One second, one second.Copy !req
1343. Terrible experience.
So that we will never do it...Copy !req
1344. Hi! Hi! Wow! Look at this.Copy !req
1345. - How you doing?
- Good.Copy !req
1346. Pretty good.
Yeah, we're just catching up.Copy !req
1347. That's so nice. How's that knee?Copy !req
1348. - It actually does hurt.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1349. But resting and talking to an old friend
has actually really helped.Copy !req
1350. Thank you for asking.Copy !req
1351. Hey, how was the business call
with Beijing?Copy !req
1352. - Super good.
- It was?Copy !req
1353. - Yeah, I got a lot done.
- Great.Copy !req
1354. What, you think I faked
my business call to BeijingCopy !req
1355. like you faked hurting your knee?Copy !req
1356. You know what, dude?
I'm sick of this shit, Bob.Copy !req
1357. - You're it. How about that?
- No! Pass.Copy !req
1358. - You can't pass. And you can't tag back.
- You're it. I pass.Copy !req
1359. - My God.
- It's like literally the first rule.Copy !req
1360. - You're it! You're it! You're it!
- You cannot tag me back!Copy !req
1361. - I'll rewrite the fucking rule book!
- Shut up!Copy !req
1362. Why're you acting like children?Copy !req
1363. - 'Cause he started it.
- You started it.Copy !req
1364. You literally started it.Copy !req
1365. - No, you started it!
- "My knee hurts."Copy !req
1366. What do you think they're talking about?Copy !req
1367. Are we off the record?Copy !req
1368. Yeah, sure, sure.Copy !req
1369. No idea.Copy !req
1370. You know what?
I shouldn't have come.Copy !req
1371. Jerry always gets in your head.Copy !req
1372. Did Jerry tell you to say that?Copy !req
1373. You part of the whole
Truman Show of it all?Copy !req
1374. I mean, Jerry invited me
to the rehearsal dinnerCopy !req
1375. because he thought it would distract
you guys, which it did.Copy !req
1376. But, um, I wanted to see you. So I came.Copy !req
1377. Sure.Copy !req
1378. My God.Copy !req
1379. You guys are fucking idiots.
Both of you. But I love you both.Copy !req
1380. I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll see you later.
Or not.Copy !req
1381. - Cheryl...
- Go get Jerry. He fucking deserves it.Copy !req
1382. Bye, Cheryl.Copy !req
1383. Wow!Copy !req
1384. What do you want?Copy !req
1385. There's gonna be plenty of time
to get rejected by CherylCopy !req
1386. after 12:00 a.m. on June 1st.Copy !req
1387. So what I need you guys to focus on,
is the fact that we're a team.Copy !req
1388. Right? We love each other,
and we love this.Copy !req
1389. Let's bask in that.
Stay focused on our mission. All right?Copy !req
1390. Let's get back on this horse and ride.Copy !req
1391. Let's get this asshole.Copy !req
1392. Lou, not part of it. Not at all.Copy !req
1393. Now, shake.Copy !req
1394. Shake!Copy !req
1395. All right. Now we got some work to do.Copy !req
1396. Got it.Copy !req
1397. Go get him, sweetie.Copy !req
1398. Okay.Copy !req
1399. Hey, do you think we should talk
to Jerry about being an alcoholicCopy !req
1400. - before we get into all this?
- No.Copy !req
1401. But now, I've been clean and sober
for almost four years.Copy !req
1402. Thanks to all of you
and that higher power. Amen?Copy !req
1403. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
1404. Jerry, you about ready to share?Copy !req
1405. Come on, y'all,
let's give it up for Jerry.Copy !req
1406. - My name is Jerry.
- Hi, Jerry.Copy !req
1407. The slight scent of weed. Chilli.
He thinks he's caught me off guard.Copy !req
1408. My God!
I've caught him off guard.Copy !req
1409. He rushes in from behind.Copy !req
1410. Idiot. I give him a wake-up call.Copy !req
1411. Hazelnut coffee?
What kind of bitch drinks hazelnut?Copy !req
1412. Holy! Chilli! Hit me!Copy !req
1413. Get him!Copy !req
1414. I'm going to trap him
and tag him in the face,Copy !req
1415. and yet, in my heart of hearts,
pretty sure it's not gonna work.Copy !req
1416. Hoagie's attempts to face me fail
because he lacks confidence.Copy !req
1417. Also, I think it's fair to say,Copy !req
1418. I'm fucking surgical
with these complimentary donuts.Copy !req
1419. And this is why
print journalism is dying.Copy !req
1420. Yes! This is the moment
I've been waiting for.Copy !req
1421. I'm going to be the one who tags Jerry.Copy !req
1422. Callahan will become distracted
by his own arrogant thoughts,Copy !req
1423. which I will exploit.Copy !req
1424. This will be my victory,Copy !req
1425. which makes sense
because success breeds success...Copy !req
1426. God.Copy !req
1427. How come "bi-weekly" means both
twice a week and every other week?Copy !req
1428. That's mad confusing
and it's just linguistically lazy.Copy !req
1429. Shit!Copy !req
1430. - Holy shit!
- Excessive.Copy !req
1431. Feeling trapped, Jerry?Copy !req
1432. No.Copy !req
1433. Nice.Copy !req
1434. Holy shit!Copy !req
1435. No, no, no!Copy !req
1436. No, no, no!Copy !req
1437. We got you, Jerry! You're trapped!Copy !req
1438. Five hours till your wedding!
We can wait it out if you can!Copy !req
1439. Shit. You know what I just realized?Copy !req
1440. There's a lot of sacramental wine
and wafers in there.Copy !req
1441. He could survive for quite a while.Copy !req
1442. No, he can't drink.Copy !req
1443. - Yeah, but it's not real wine.
- Yes, it is.Copy !req
1444. It's just grape juice. It's not wine.Copy !req
1445. I mean, I was once so fucked up
that I took a shit in my niece's crib.Copy !req
1446. Twice, if you ask my sister-in-law.Copy !req
1447. So how long you been sober?Copy !req
1448. No, I'm not sober.
I'm high right now.Copy !req
1449. I'm just here to tag my friend.Copy !req
1450. Good luck with the sobriety, man.
That's cool. Definitely.Copy !req
1451. It's awful quiet in there.Copy !req
1452. You know what he's doing?
It's a classic ruse.Copy !req
1453. Make them think there's an exit
and he already escaped. Not buying it.Copy !req
1454. I buy it. I bet he has a secret door
back there.Copy !req
1455. Refrigerator turns into an elevator.Copy !req
1456. What?Copy !req
1457. Takes the elevator down to the basement.
That's his lair.Copy !req
1458. - Different outfits, computer screens.
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1459. - Cameras watching us.
- He's not Batman.Copy !req
1460. Told you. In there.Copy !req
1461. What's it say?Copy !req
1462. - "Eat my dick."
- "Eat my dick."Balls."Ass"?Copy !req
1463. "Butt."Copy !req
1464. "Ice cream."Copy !req
1465. - What?
- What?Copy !req
1466. Yeah, he's taunting me.
He knows I'm lactose intolerant.Copy !req
1467. What is going on? Where is he?Copy !req
1468. Where is he?Copy !req
1469. Jerry?Copy !req
1470. We're supposed to be getting
our wedding photos done in an hour.Copy !req
1471. What are you doing?Copy !req
1472. - Come on out, Jerry.
- Jerry, you can come out.Copy !req
1473. We're not gonna get you, Jerry.Copy !req
1474. Babe, look, calm down.
Look, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1475. Shut up, Jerry.
I can't fucking take this, Jerry.Copy !req
1476. She can't take it. Come on out.Copy !req
1477. Honey, why are you playing this game
right now?Copy !req
1478. Why are you playing this game
with your friends right now?Copy !req
1479. Why is he playing this game right now?Copy !req
1480. Hey, babe, look.
You gotta calm down, okay?Copy !req
1481. Listen to me! It's very hardCopy !req
1482. because you have decided
to ruin everything.Copy !req
1483. And so have you.Copy !req
1484. With your stupid face,
and your stupid beard,Copy !req
1485. and your stupid glasses,Copy !req
1486. and that stupid jumpsuit.Copy !req
1487. There's only so much
a girl can take,Copy !req
1488. and then you want me
on top of that, just to...Copy !req
1489. My God. Are you okay?Copy !req
1490. - Babe? Suz? Sue?
- Jerry. My God.Copy !req
1491. - Boo? Boo-boo?
- Sue?Copy !req
1492. Boo-boo? Boo-boo?Copy !req
1493. What happened? Wait, wait, wait.
What happened?Copy !req
1494. Susan, are you okay?Copy !req
1495. - Sit down, sit down, sit down.
- It's the baby. It's the baby.Copy !req
1496. It's finally happening. He's right here.
Who's it? Bob, tag him.Copy !req
1497. - Are you kidding me?
- What?Copy !req
1498. There's something wrong with her baby.Copy !req
1499. There's nothing wrong with that baby.
It's a fake.Copy !req
1500. If you won't do it, then tag me.
I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
1501. Yeah. Fine.
You want me to tag you, then?Copy !req
1502. Oops, I missed.Copy !req
1503. As usual, you're completely wrong.Copy !req
1504. This? You think I'm wrong?
This is so over the top!Copy !req
1505. This is obvious.Copy !req
1506. Tag me, and I'll give him a hug.Copy !req
1507. And I'll say,
"If she's having a miscarriage,Copy !req
1508. "this is awful, and you're it."Copy !req
1509. Are you kidding me right now?Copy !req
1510. You know what? This feels like a scene
from What Would You Do?Copy !req
1511. You get put in a precarious situation,Copy !req
1512. and you have to make the right decision.Copy !req
1513. It's all actors and cameras.Copy !req
1514. It's not great television,
but it hooks me in.Copy !req
1515. What?Copy !req
1516. Come on.Copy !req
1517. All right, we're good.
We're gonna get to the hospital.Copy !req
1518. Jesus. Hey! Jerry? Jerry, if you need
anything I could easily...Copy !req
1519. You come near her or my baby,Copy !req
1520. I'll crush your windpipe, Bob.Copy !req
1521. This ain't no fucking game.Copy !req
1522. I'm pretty sure it's real, guys.Copy !req
1523. I will be so pissed
if she didn't have a miscarriage.Copy !req
1524. Chilli!Copy !req
1525. We all would be.Copy !req
1526. - It's just a thing you don't...
- Say.Copy !req
1527. It's implied.Copy !req
1528. Hey, Linda. Namaste.Copy !req
1529. Shouldn't you boys be getting cleaned up
for the wedding?Copy !req
1530. Not you, Chilli.
You're perfect.Copy !req
1531. Thanks, Linda.Copy !req
1532. I don't think
anybody's gonna be freshening up.Copy !req
1533. Hoagie, you can't go looking like that.Copy !req
1534. "To everyone asking,
the wedding has been postponed.Copy !req
1535. "Thank you for your thoughts
and prayers."Copy !req
1536. It's from Jerry's mom.Copy !req
1537. - Well, maybe we're bad people.
- Maybe?Copy !req
1538. Yes, I think we definitely are.Copy !req
1539. We might be.Copy !req
1540. Tag used to be a thing
that made me really happy.Copy !req
1541. But now, it's destroying me. I feel sad.Copy !req
1542. Shut the fuck up, Sable.Copy !req
1543. Has anyone seen
the bridesmaids' Instagram stories?Copy !req
1544. Check it out.Copy !req
1545. "Wedding's canceled."
Sad face emoji.Copy !req
1546. "I can't wear the dress.
Such a pretty dress.Copy !req
1547. "So sad." Goodbye emoji. "Was it a..."Copy !req
1548. Really? Is there any chance
that all these women could post banal,Copy !req
1549. minute-by-minute moments from their day,Copy !req
1550. with mind-numbing captions
at the same time?Copy !req
1551. - Totally.
- Absolutely. That's all Instagram is.Copy !req
1552. - Yeah.
- I don't know about this, guys.Copy !req
1553. It doesn't feel right. I smell a rat.Copy !req
1554. That's what I've been saying.Copy !req
1555. I have been actually saying this
the whole time.Copy !req
1556. Hey, sweetheart, can we just move on?
It's over.Copy !req
1557. But it's not. Now, come on, guys.Copy !req
1558. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.Copy !req
1559. - Bob.
- What'd I do?Copy !req
1560. Can I take a photograph of you?Copy !req
1561. No. Okay.Copy !req
1562. Cute.Copy !req
1563. I'm gonna set up
an Instagram account for you.Copy !req
1564. Please don't.Copy !req
1565. Rachel Ditmus is the only bridesmaid
with a private Instagram account.Copy !req
1566. She's been wanting you to finger bang
her since the sixth grade.Copy !req
1567. If anybody's stupid enough
to fall for our request,Copy !req
1568. it will be that dum-dum.Copy !req
1569. And sent.
All we've got to do now is wait.Copy !req
1570. And accepted!Copy !req
1571. - Really?
- That was weirdly fast.Copy !req
1572. Do not finger bang her.Copy !req
1573. My God. I was right.Copy !req
1574. - What? What are we looking at here?
- What the hell is this?Copy !req
1575. A wedding dress.Copy !req
1576. What the fuck?Copy !req
1577. They faked the fucking miscarriage!Copy !req
1578. No, no, no. Jerry's going down.
We're gonna destroy that wedding.Copy !req
1579. - Let's go!
- This is bullshit. That is so fucked up.Copy !req
1580. Absolutely.Copy !req
1581. Hoagie?Copy !req
1582. Hoagie, what are you doing?Copy !req
1583. Damn it!Copy !req
1584. - Sweetie.
- Hoagie?Copy !req
1585. Be careful.Copy !req
1586. Should we stop him, or...Copy !req
1587. I'm not getting near him.
He's swinging that bat around.Copy !req
1588. - Sweetie, that's your mom's.
- Yeah, you're gonna hurt yourself.Copy !req
1589. We lost! He beat us! The game is over!Copy !req
1590. We can't tag Jerry.Copy !req
1591. It's just time for us to come to terms
with that. He's untouchable. That's it.Copy !req
1592. What do you wanna do?
You wanna just give up?Copy !req
1593. Yeah, Bob. I wanna give up.
It's time to give up.Copy !req
1594. Come on, Hogan. You're not a quitter.Copy !req
1595. What's the alternative?Copy !req
1596. We go to the wedding.
We try to tag him. We fail.Copy !req
1597. And we fuck up the wedding?Copy !req
1598. That's not a cool move.
That's a dick move.Copy !req
1599. That's not what friends do.
That's what assholes do.Copy !req
1600. Hoagie! He faked a fucking miscarriage.Copy !req
1601. This is a miscarriage of justice.Copy !req
1602. This is where we get him.Copy !req
1603. He deserves to pay for that.Copy !req
1604. Even if we wanted to do that,
we all signed an amendment.Copy !req
1605. Amendments are null and void
if you fake a miscarriage.Copy !req
1606. That's just basic contract law.Copy !req
1607. - That's law. Basic contract law.
- Law.Copy !req
1608. Like he said.Copy !req
1609. - I literally said exactly that.
- I know. We're saying it together.Copy !req
1610. But I was also right earlier
because I said the miscarriage was fake.Copy !req
1611. The amendment stands,
and maybe that's a good thing.Copy !req
1612. Maybe it's time to grow up a little.Copy !req
1613. I'm going to the wedding.Copy !req
1614. And you guys can do what you want.
I hope you come too.Copy !req
1615. Chilli, just put on a tie.Copy !req
1616. Sweetie.Copy !req
1617. Do you even have a tie?Copy !req
1618. Yes, I have a tie.Copy !req
1619. - Do you need to borrow a tie?
- Yes, I need to borrow a tie.Copy !req
1620. Okay.Copy !req
1621. Hi! I'm so glad you made it!Copy !req
1622. Is that champagne?Copy !req
1623. I know.Copy !req
1624. I'm the girl who cried miscarriage.Copy !req
1625. But I had to get him out of that room
and distract you for a couple of hoursCopy !req
1626. so that the amendment could kick in.Copy !req
1627. Wait. Are you even pregnant?Copy !req
1628. No, I was never pregnant.Copy !req
1629. You were never pregnant?Copy !req
1630. Whoa.Copy !req
1631. Just listen. Jerry knewCopy !req
1632. that you guys might get the drop on himCopy !req
1633. so "Operation Miscarriage"
was our fail-safe.Copy !req
1634. - It was an operation?
- It was actually my idea.Copy !req
1635. - Brilliant. Brilliant!
- Thanks.Copy !req
1636. That's diabolical.Copy !req
1637. Everyone's just pissed because you won,
and they're boys.Copy !req
1638. They can't get pregnant,
so they can't fake a miscarriage.Copy !req
1639. It's true.Copy !req
1640. Look, I'm not saying I want you
to have a miscarriage.Copy !req
1641. Then don't.Copy !req
1642. 'Cause that would be terrible.
But if you ever do have a miscarriage,Copy !req
1643. I don't wanna say that you would
deserve it 'cause that's too far,Copy !req
1644. but what I will say and what I do feelCopy !req
1645. is that's what you get.Copy !req
1646. Okay. It's fine.
We can all have different feelings.Copy !req
1647. But it's our wedding day, you guys.
Come on.Copy !req
1648. And we came up with this great amendmentCopy !req
1649. so that we could all enjoy this day
together and have fun and relax.Copy !req
1650. Are we cool?Copy !req
1651. - Yeah, I guess so.
- Not yet.Copy !req
1652. Sorry. Not cool yet.
It's just, you did murder a child.Copy !req
1653. No.Copy !req
1654. She didn't.
No, it was a fake miscarriage.Copy !req
1655. Yeah, not the imaginary child
that was inside of you,Copy !req
1656. but the actual inner child
that lives inside of meCopy !req
1657. got decapitated.Copy !req
1658. Head flew up, did flips in the air,
blood spurting everywhere.Copy !req
1659. Hoagie, Jerry has a perfect record,Copy !req
1660. and we're a team now.Copy !req
1661. The winning team.Copy !req
1662. And I just feel like, Hoagie,
if you're gonna playCopy !req
1663. a children's game as a grown man,Copy !req
1664. maybe, next time,
don't play like a child.Copy !req
1665. Anyways, I am really excited
you guys are here.Copy !req
1666. Try the raw bar. It's off the hook.Copy !req
1667. It's my wedding!
I'm getting married!Copy !req
1668. - Congratulations.
- Come on! Grab it!Copy !req
1669. I take back everything I said
about her being effervescent.Copy !req
1670. I met Jerry in AA.Copy !req
1671. You see, people,
I got a lot of problems.Copy !req
1672. Anger issues. I left my wife.
I have many kids.Copy !req
1673. And this man
got me to turn to the cloth.Copy !req
1674. It was a low point in my life.Copy !req
1675. There was jail time involved.Copy !req
1676. I briefly converted to Islam.Copy !req
1677. I lost a long legal battle
with Jo-Ann Fabrics.Copy !req
1678. During that time, I got to know
Jerry and Susan as a couple.Copy !req
1679. And that is a true blessing.Copy !req
1680. What's the difference between
Episcopalian and Lutheran?Copy !req
1681. Episcopalians don't eat fish.Copy !req
1682. That's pescatarian.
That's not a religion.Copy !req
1683. They're all fanatics. I don't know.Copy !req
1684. Remind me again, is it on the kiss
or after they walk back down the aisle?Copy !req
1685. Seriously?
You said you'd worked weddings before.Copy !req
1686. The kiss, the doves, end of ceremony.
The groom was very specific about this.Copy !req
1687. and finds new ways
of expressing loveCopy !req
1688. through the ups and downs of life.Copy !req
1689. Susan, do you take Jerry
to be your husband?Copy !req
1690. Do you promise to love, honor,
cherish and protect him,Copy !req
1691. forsaking all others,
holding only to him forever more?Copy !req
1692. I do.Copy !req
1693. Beautiful.Copy !req
1694. There's gonna be a window.Copy !req
1695. - What, sweetie?
- The doves.Copy !req
1696. What about the doves?Copy !req
1697. There's an opening.Copy !req
1698. Just relax, honey.Copy !req
1699. You seem stressed.Copy !req
1700. Jerry, do you take Susan
to be your wife?Copy !req
1701. Do you promise to love, honor, cherish,
and protect herCopy !req
1702. forsaking all others,
holding only to her forever more?Copy !req
1703. I do.Copy !req
1704. I mean, this is actually
kind of beautiful.Copy !req
1705. It really is, man.Copy !req
1706. I now pronounce you husband and wife.Copy !req
1707. You may kiss the bride.Copy !req
1708. I love you.Copy !req
1709. - Hoagie!
- Go, go, go!Copy !req
1710. - God! Guys, go!
- Hoagie! You okay?Copy !req
1711. Jesus.Copy !req
1712. Hey, man.Copy !req
1713. Buddy?Copy !req
1714. - You scared away the swans.
- Hoagie?Copy !req
1715. - Hogan? Hogan.
- Hoagie!Copy !req
1716. I can't believe that you guys did this.
Right now.Copy !req
1717. Well, I don't think you get to claim
the moral high ground over us, actually.Copy !req
1718. Yeah, you're not better than us.Copy !req
1719. You and your wife pretended
to have a goddamn miscarriage.Copy !req
1720. Misunderstanding! Misunderstanding.Copy !req
1721. - Misunderstanding.
- In her vagina.Copy !req
1722. Wow. Boy.Copy !req
1723. Guys, call a doctor!Copy !req
1724. - Can you hear me?
- Buddy?Copy !req
1725. - Hey!
- Somebody get a doctor!Copy !req
1726. - Bud?
- He's gone full loss of consciousness.Copy !req
1727. That's impressive.Copy !req
1728. Even better
than your performance. Right?Copy !req
1729. I know! It's so good!Copy !req
1730. Excuse me, everyone...Copy !req
1731. Everything's fine.Copy !req
1732. This is all just a game.Copy !req
1733. He's still unconscious, but he's stable.Copy !req
1734. He really should never have been
this active given his condition.Copy !req
1735. - You can see him when he wakes up.
- Thanks.Copy !req
1736. I got this.Copy !req
1737. Excuse me, Doctor. Hey, how are you?Copy !req
1738. - Yeah.
- Doctor, Doctor Yoon, is it?Copy !req
1739. - Yes.
- How do you spell that?Copy !req
1740. - You're looking right at it.
- I know, but I'm just asking you.Copy !req
1741. What exactly are you asking me?Copy !req
1742. My friends and I do this thing.
It's this really weird game.Copy !req
1743. Is there any chance this is all fake,
that you could just tell me.Copy !req
1744. I won't tell the others.Copy !req
1745. Is this fake?Copy !req
1746. - This hospital?
- The whole thing, yeah. Is it fake?Copy !req
1747. That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
1748. He told you to say that, right?Copy !req
1749. - Look, I gotta prep a surgery.
- Will you just do me one quick favor?Copy !req
1750. Could you recite
the Hippocratic Oath for me?Copy !req
1751. That's not a thing doctors memorize.Copy !req
1752. Still unsure.Copy !req
1753. It's gonna be fine.
It's just, it was a lot.Copy !req
1754. I mean, how does that all happen
at a wedding?Copy !req
1755. Hey, boss.Copy !req
1756. How did that go?Copy !req
1757. I'm all turned around.Copy !req
1758. About what?Copy !req
1759. If he's an actor or if he's not.Copy !req
1760. He's not. He's a doctor.
We're in a hospital.Copy !req
1761. You're drinking the Kool-Aid.Copy !req
1762. All right. What do we do?Copy !req
1763. Look, Chilli, what's wrong with you?
Just go talk to the girl.Copy !req
1764. Could be a trap.Copy !req
1765. She's here for a friend
who is in the hospital. Okay?Copy !req
1766. You know I'm right. I'm always right.Copy !req
1767. Okay, you're right about this,
but you are not always right.Copy !req
1768. Buddy, I'm always right,
and you know it's true.Copy !req
1769. Bob, you're not always right.Copy !req
1770. - 100%...
- 1989.Copy !req
1771. Come on.Copy !req
1772. Ken Griffey Jr. enters the league,
and what do you say?Copy !req
1773. "He will never be
as good as his father."Copy !req
1774. And he's better than his father.Copy !req
1775. - Where are the rings?
- You are so wrong!Copy !req
1776. The historical record
has proven that I am right.Copy !req
1777. You know what? Time will tell.Copy !req
1778. You will never admit
that you are wrong about anything.Copy !req
1779. I'm not wrong.Copy !req
1780. Come on, it's been a while
since we've done this.Copy !req
1781. Come here, man.Copy !req
1782. This was a fun few days, man.Copy !req
1783. - I really missed you.
- I missed you too, man.Copy !req
1784. - You want a breath mint?
- No, I don't want a breath mint.Copy !req
1785. - Stop it.
- You want a breath mint?Copy !req
1786. I would love a breath mint.
I got a gross taste in my mouth.Copy !req
1787. Hey, mind if I sit?Copy !req
1788. No.Copy !req
1789. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
1790. - I hope he's okay.
- Yeah, me too.Copy !req
1791. Um...Copy !req
1792. I don't know if that...
We're in a hospital and...Copy !req
1793. - You know?
- Yes.Copy !req
1794. My friend is possibly dying.Copy !req
1795. But it feels like a time I need
to tell you how I feel about you,Copy !req
1796. and I am so pumped
that your husband's dead.Copy !req
1797. - No.
- No.Copy !req
1798. But I'm really happy to see you, Cheryl.Copy !req
1799. You are broke and divorcedCopy !req
1800. - and just a fucking mess, really.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1801. But it's fun to see you, too.Copy !req
1802. Good. All right. I'll take that.Copy !req
1803. I actually think that...Copy !req
1804. I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I would see you again.Copy !req
1805. - For real?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1806. - Like a little date.
- No, definitely didn't say that.Copy !req
1807. - Like a dinner.
- Smaller than that.Copy !req
1808. - Like a lunch.
- How about a snack?Copy !req
1809. I'll take what I can get.Copy !req
1810. Hoagie, I know you're fucking with me.Copy !req
1811. I'm not. I've got a tumor on my liver
the size of my right nut.Copy !req
1812. Jesus.Copy !req
1813. Yeah.Copy !req
1814. I know you're fucking with him,
but what are you doing? What's the plan?Copy !req
1815. - Tell us what's going on.
- Chilli, there's no plan.Copy !req
1816. What's going on?Copy !req
1817. There's no plan, Chilli.Copy !req
1818. Stop winking at me.Copy !req
1819. Think it's real.
This looks like it's doing something.Copy !req
1820. Something real is happening
on this thing right here.Copy !req
1821. How long have you known this?Copy !req
1822. For three weeks.Copy !req
1823. Three weeks.Copy !req
1824. Right nut.
Too specific, I call bullshit.Copy !req
1825. That's a lie. Right? It's a lie.Copy !req
1826. I'm not lying.Copy !req
1827. Although I did lie about one thing.Copy !req
1828. Jerry's not quitting
at the end of the season.Copy !req
1829. What? Why the fuck would I quit?Copy !req
1830. Yeah, I just... I said thatCopy !req
1831. to get everyone together,
you know, for one last round.Copy !req
1832. Hoagie, tell me you are fucking joking
about this.Copy !req
1833. No.Copy !req
1834. There is a decent chance
I will not be around for next season.Copy !req
1835. Damn.Copy !req
1836. And, I mean, plus,
even if you were, you'd be,Copy !req
1837. you know. Really slow.Copy !req
1838. A total sitting duck.Copy !req
1839. Carrying like an IV bag around,
that's easy.Copy !req
1840. I had an uncle that went through chemo,Copy !req
1841. and afterwards,
he was terrible at games.Copy !req
1842. But I guess that makes sense.
It would be weird if he got better.Copy !req
1843. Then everybody would be getting chemo.Copy !req
1844. I love you guys.Copy !req
1845. I love... I love this game. You know?Copy !req
1846. I don't know what it is.
It just brings out the best in us.Copy !req
1847. Except today.Copy !req
1848. Today, I don't know.Copy !req
1849. I really fucked up your wedding, Jerry,
and I am super sorry.Copy !req
1850. Jerry?Copy !req
1851. - Has he hung up?
- Jerry?Copy !req
1852. You didn't fuck up my wedding, Hoagie.
Come on.Copy !req
1853. - Right?
- No.Copy !req
1854. You might have
ruined a moment.Copy !req
1855. I screwed it up.
You should've been up there with me.Copy !req
1856. All you boys should've.Copy !req
1857. That's my fault.Copy !req
1858. I always thought that you guys were just
much closer to each other than to me...Copy !req
1859. What?Copy !req
1860. I mean, if it seems like we were closer,Copy !req
1861. it's only because
we're physically closerCopy !req
1862. because you always ran away.Copy !req
1863. Successfully. You know, I mean,Copy !req
1864. not for nothing, you might actually beCopy !req
1865. the very best person at this game
on the planet.Copy !req
1866. He might be, right?Copy !req
1867. Yeah, you're really good at tag.Copy !req
1868. Yes, but you've kind of missed
the point.Copy !req
1869. I mean, it's not about trying
to get away from each other.Copy !req
1870. It's actually about having a reason
to be around each other. You know?Copy !req
1871. Yeah.Copy !req
1872. I mean, Ben Franklin said it best.
Am I right?Copy !req
1873. "We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old..."Copy !req
1874. "We grow old
because we stop playing."Copy !req
1875. I've been wanting to say for a few years
that quote is not Benjamin Franklin.Copy !req
1876. That is German anthropologist,
Karl Groos.Copy !req
1877. - La, la, la, la, la...
- Why are you ruining the moment?Copy !req
1878. - I just don't even want to know.
- He's in the hospital.Copy !req
1879. - It felt like the right moment.
- It's not the right moment, so...Copy !req
1880. - It is the right moment.
- It isn't.Copy !req
1881. So, Jerry...Copy !req
1882. It's 11:55.Copy !req
1883. Get in here, and let me tag you.Copy !req
1884. You know, I've been so attached,
I suppose,Copy !req
1885. to my perfect record all these years,Copy !req
1886. dominating you fools.Copy !req
1887. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't.Copy !req
1888. If you think about it,
Jerry is a tag virgin.Copy !req
1889. Or champion.Copy !req
1890. Just let us deflower you.Copy !req
1891. We'll be gentle.Copy !req
1892. I can't.Copy !req
1893. Come on.Copy !req
1894. I can't do it.Copy !req
1895. Then I'm not gonna tag anybody,
and the game ends with me.Copy !req
1896. That's dark.Copy !req
1897. Or you just let me tag you.Copy !req
1898. All right, fuck it.Copy !req
1899. - It!
- My God!Copy !req
1900. Loser! Loser!Copy !req
1901. You suck!Copy !req
1902. Awesome.Copy !req
1903. - Yes!
- You officially suck.Copy !req
1904. You're so it!Copy !req
1905. Goddamn! All right!Copy !req
1906. I love you guys.Copy !req
1907. Love you too, man.Copy !req
1908. You know we got five minutes
left of May.Copy !req
1909. I ain't gonna be last it. Bitches!Copy !req
1910. Look, Bob!
Where are you gonna go, Bob?Copy !req
1911. No!Copy !req
1912. Verbal amendment?
That women should be playing.Copy !req
1913. - Amendment.
- Yeah, amendment.Copy !req
1914. You just made a big mistake.Copy !req
1915. - You're it, bitch!
- You're it now!Copy !req
1916. - You're going down!
- You're too intense!Copy !req
1917. You're gonna suck my tiny ginger balls.Copy !req
1918. Gross!Copy !req
1919. You're gross!Copy !req
1920. Come on! Shit! No.Copy !req
1921. - You're it.
- No, I can't get involved in the story.Copy !req
1922. We made an amendment!Copy !req
1923. Come on, it's a little bit fun, right?
You have about three minutes.Copy !req
1924. Sable! Come on.
Where are your ethics, buddy?Copy !req
1925. Come on. Just reach out.Copy !req
1926. - No!
- You got it.Copy !req
1927. Shit, hang on a second.Copy !req
1928. You okay?Copy !req
1929. - You all right?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1930. You're it!Copy !req
1931. Tag, brother!Copy !req
1932. You're it!Copy !req
1933. - I'm it?
- You're it?Copy !req
1934. Now you're it.Copy !req
1935. You got me. No way!Copy !req
1936. - Not bad? Pretty hot?
- Wow.Copy !req
1937. You're it!Copy !req
1938. Yeah, baby.Copy !req
1939. Hey, fucker. You're it!Copy !req
1940. You're it! Yeah!Copy !req
1941. You're it, baby!Copy !req
1942. Once, there was a kid whoCopy !req
1943. Got into an accident
and couldn't come to schoolCopy !req
1944. But when he finally came backCopy !req
1945. His hair turned
from black into bright whiteCopy !req
1946. He said that it was from when the carsCopy !req
1947. Had smashed him so hardCopy !req
1948. Once, there was this girl whoCopy !req
1949. Wouldn't go and change
with the girls in the change roomCopy !req
1950. But when they finally made herCopy !req
1951. They saw red marks all over her bodyCopy !req
1952. She couldn't quite explain itCopy !req
1953. They'd always just been thereCopy !req
1954. Baa, baa, baa, baaCopy !req
1955. Baa, baa, baa, baaCopy !req
1956. OohCopy !req
1957. YeahCopy !req
1958. Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, heyCopy !req
1959. Both the girl and the boy were gladCopy !req
1960. 'Cause one kid had it worse than thatCopy !req
1961. Hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, heyCopy !req
1962. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1963. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeahCopy !req
1964. - You're it.
- Fucker!Copy !req
1965. English - SDHCopy !req