- 1. 7:45 on this beautiful, almost balmy
22nd of September in Schenectady.
- 2. And it's the first day of fall.
- 3. So in honor of that fact,
we have Elke Putzkammer...
- 4. professor of literature
at Union College...
- 5. to talk about autumn in poetry
- 6. - Good morning, professor.
- Hi, Alex.
- 7. So, what about it? Why do
so many people write about the fall?
- 8. Well, I think it's seen
as the beginning of the end, really.
- 9. If the year is a life, then September,
the beginning of fall...
- 10. is when the bloom is off the rose
and things start to die.
- 11. It's a melancholy month and maybe
because of that, quite beautiful.
- 12. Is there something
you might read to us?
- 13. Oh, I'd love to.
- 14. Whoever has no house now
Will never have one.
- 15. Whoever is alone will stay alone
- 16. Will sit, read, write long letters
Through the evening
- 17. And wander the boulevards
Up and down, restlessly
- 18. While the dry leaves are blowing
- 19. Goodness, that harsh, isn't it?
- 20. Well, perhaps. But truthful.
- 21. Mommy, done.
- 22. Okay.
- 23. - Good morning.
- Good morning.
- 24. - I tried not to wake you.
- Well, thanks.
- 25. You didn't. I just...
You know, I couldn't get up.
- 26. - Caden, can you get that?
- It's Maria, I don't want to.
- 27. - Caden... Oh, that's weird.
- Hey, it's me. How are you?
- 28. Mommy, is something wrong
with my poop?
- 29. No, honey, it's just green.
You probably ate something green.
- 30. I didn't. What's wrong with me?
- 31. I have to get that, Olive.
You're gonna be fine, okay?
- 32. - But, Mommy...
- Yeah, I'll be right back, Olive.
- 33. Oh, nothing.
Just wiping Olive's ass. You?
- 34. - An earthquake in Kashmir...
- Oh, you're kidding. Holy fuck.
- 35. - ... has killed an estimated 73,000...
- I don't feel well.
- 36. Oh, my goodness.
- 37. march in Washington, D.C., today,
- 38. - Harold Pinter died.
- Well, he's old, right?
- 39. - No, wait. He won the Nobel Prize.
- 40. - What, honey?
- Do you need to look at my poop?
- 41. - You sure it's all right?
- It's fine, Olive. Just flush.
- 42. What if it's alive? What if I kill it?
- 43. - It's green like plants.
- It's not alive, honey.
- 44. Remember the production of
The Dumb Waiter I did at Albanyfest?
- 45. Have your oatmeal, honey.
- 46. - I want peanut butter and jelly.
- You said oatmeal.
- 47. - This isn't a restaurant.
- I don't want oatmeal.
- 48. - Okay. Fine.
- Mommy, I'm sorry.
- 49. They found avian flu in Turkey.
In the country Turkey, not turkeys.
- 50. - Can I watch TV till school?
- In some chickens. Yeah.
- 51. There is a secret something at play
under the surface...
- 52. growing like an invisible virus
- 53. But you're being changed by it...
- 54. - Milk's expired.
- 55. Jesus.
- 56. - You better eat this.
- I will.
- 57. Yeah.
- 58. How did I guess
you'd ask me that question?
- 59. Happy Halloween, Schenectady.
- 60. And how long have you been
in New York for?
- 61. The first black graduate
of the University of Alabama died.
- 62. Vivian Malone Jones.
- 63. Stroke, 63.
- 64. Fuck!
- 65. God! Somebody! Adele, help!
- 66. - Jesus, Caden, what the fuck?
- I was shaving and the thing flew off!
- 67. Oh, my God!
Jesus, look at your head.
- 68. Oh, shit.
- 69. Oh, God, I can't turn it.
- 70. Oh, wait.
- 71. - Mommy, Daddy has blood.
- 72. - Will there be a scar?
- Probably. It looks like a mud flap.
- 73. - I prefer there not to be a scar.
- 74. That fellow is annoying.
- 75. He's in here every week,
- 76. There. I think that should...
- 77. - What?
- Change in bowel movements?
- 78. It's a little more yellow than usual.
- 79. Yeah, I'd like you to see
- 80. - A neurologist?
- What? No.
- 81. An ophthalmologist.
I said, ophthalmologist.
- 82. Do you hear that?
- 83. Yeah.
- 84. And today is Tuesday.
Mommy, is today Tuesday?
- 85. No, honey, today is Friday.
So, what exactly did he say?
- 86. That my pupils weren't properly
opening and closing.
- 87. Dilating.
- 88. - No.
- 89. - I don't think that's what he said.
- 90. - That's not what he said.
- Is it the bump to your head?
- 91. He doesn't know. Maybe.
- 92. He said he doesn't think so,
but maybe. But he doesn't know.
- 93. - But maybe. Who knows?
- Okay, Jesus, Caden, I got it.
- 94. - He doesn't know...
- Sorry. I'm a little anxious.
- 95. - Did you have to get a shot, Daddy?
- No, honey.
- 96. - It's the start of something awful.
- Do I have to get a shot?
- 97. - Course not.
- Did you tell him I have green poo?
- 98. - It's fucked timing.
- Call the plumber. Hey.
- 99. Sorry. I have rehearsal. Fuck.
- 100. - Hey, come on.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry. Everybody, sorry.
- 101. How many years
until I have to get more shots?
- 102. - Not for a really long time, babe.
- A million years?
- 103. - Remember what Dr. Woodman said...
- Dad, what's a plumber?
- 104. - He's a man...
- Or a woman, Dad.
- 105. Right. He's a man or a woman
who fixes sinks and toilets and...
- 106. - Do you know what pipes are?
- 107. - Hey, Jim. I had an accident.
- Like to smoke out of?
- 108. A different kind of pipe, honey.
All right, bye.
- 109. Houses have pipes,
and they're made of...
- 110. They're like tubes,
and they're behind the walls...
- 111. and they're under the floors
- 112. - And...
- What's the matter?
- 113. - Every single where?
- It's okay, honey.
- 114. They just carry water
to and from sinks and toilets.
- 115. - It's like in your body. You have veins.
- 116. Capillaries filled with blood.
- 117. I have blood? I don't want blood.
I don't want blood.
- 118. - What are you doing?
- Trying to explain plumbing.
- 119. - Stop.
- I can't do this now.
- 120. - Don't worry, you don't have blood.
- Don't tell her she doesn't have blood.
- 121. - Caden, stop it.
- I don't want blood.
- 122. Thanks for getting me in right away.
- 123. - Was it the bump to the head?
- 124. Could be, but I think we need
to get you to a neurologist.
- 125. - Neurologist?
- It's a brain expert.
- 126. I know what a neurologist is.
- 127. - I thought from the way you asked...
- I just thought you said "urologist."
- 128. - Why do I need to see a neurologist?
- Just for a look-see.
- 129. The eyes are part of the brain,
- 130. No, that's not true, is it?
- 131. - Why would I say it if it weren't true?
- It doesn't seem right.
- 132. Like morally correct,
or "right" as in accurate?
- 133. I don't know. Accurate, I guess?
- 134. Interesting.
- 135. Now, when you kick off, boy,
I want a 70-yard boot.
- 136. And get right down the field
under the ball.
- 137. And when you hit, hit low and hit hard,
because it's important, boy.
- 138. There's all kinds of important people
in the stands.
- 139. And the first thing you know... Ben?
- 140. Ben, where do I...?
- 141. - Ben, how do I...?
- Willy, you coming up?
- 142. Willy?
- 143. Willy, answer me.
- 144. Willy! No!
- 145. - Oh, Jesus, come on.
- Oh, crap.
- 146. Claire, are you okay?
What's happening here?
- 147. It's too late in the game
to have these problems.
- 148. - I know, Caden. I'm sorry. We'll get it.
- Oh, my God.
- 149. - You okay?
- Yeah, I think the wig saved my life.
- 150. - Yeah.
- It's okay, honestly.
- 151. That was good, Tom.
- 152. - Yeah?
- 153. I was trying something different.
I was crashing differently.
- 154. - Ambivalently.
- Yeah, I saw that. I liked it.
- 155. Try to keep in mind that
a young person playing Willy Loman...
- 156. thinks he's only pretending
to be at the end of a life full of despair.
- 157. But the tragedy is that we know
that you, the young actor...
- 158. will end up in this very place
- 159. Okay.
- 160. That's great.
- 161. - Let's try it again. How long, David?
- I think 15.
- 162. Anything?
- 163. So now what?
- 164. - Hey.
- 165. - In search of the elusive signal.
- The signal's good here, oddly.
- 166. - That is odd.
- I know. Cell phones, they're crazy.
- 167. - See you in a few.
- 168. Yeah, Dr. Heshborg said
I should see a Dr. Scoriano.
- 169. My pupils don't work.
- 170. I think I have blood in my stool.
- 171. That stool in your office?
- 172. - When I was pregnant with Olive.
- What was it like?
- 173. I don't know. Hopeful or something.
Like something was gonna change.
- 174. - Yeah, something did. No?
- 175. - Yeah, of course.
- I mean, big time.
- 176. I mean, maybe not as much
as I'd hoped.
- 177. I'm sorry.
That's a terrible thing to say.
- 178. There are no terrible things to say
in here, only true and false.
- 179. - Can I say something awful?
- Yes, please do.
- 180. I've fantasized about Caden dying.
- 181. Being able to start again, guilt-free.
- 182. I know that's... That's bad.
- 183. - Caden, does that feel terrible?
- 184. Okay, good.
- 185. It's a nightmare in there.
- 186. I'm sorry.
- 187. So, I'm reading The Trial.
- 188. - Yeah?
- 189. - You like?
- 190. I'm such an idiot
for not knowing about this book.
- 191. - It's famous, as it turns out.
- 192. You're not an idiot.
- 193. Then you say:
- 194. "In fact, Hazel, you're very bright,
and I love your eyes."
- 195. - In fact, Hazel, you're very bright.
- Oh, am I?
- 196. - And I love your eyes.
- Do you? Oh, you're a darling.
- 197. Then what do I say?
- 198. - I can't say what then you say.
- 199. Because it's dirty.
- 200. Could you step out for a second?
- 201. Go ahead. I've seen boy parts.
- 202. - Can I take a piss in your sink?
- Yeah, sure. I guess.
- 203. We're sold out.
- 204. Great.
- 205. Gorgeous.
- 206. Thanks.
- 207. - How was rehearsal?
- 208. We have 560 lighting cues.
- 209. - I don't why I make it so complicated.
- Because that's what you do.
- 210. Yeah.
- 211. We got through it though.
That's really pretty.
- 212. Caden, I'm sorry, I...
- 213. I can't come tonight. I'm sorry.
- 214. I have two canvasses I have
to get ready to ship for tomorrow.
- 215. - I know it sucks...
- It's opening night.
- 216. I know. I wish I could come.
I would if I could.
- 217. - I've gotta get ready.
- 218. I have to get ready.
I don't know what I'm gonna wear.
- 219. I have to figure out
what I'm gonna wear.
- 220. Hey.
- 221. - Oh, boy, oh boy.
- 222. It's all right, I came back.
- 223. I hated myself tonight.
- 224. - Plus, I'm so... Excuse me.
- Hey, Tom.
- 225. I'm so bloated and enormous.
- 226. No, you look good. You were great.
I was very pleased.
- 227. - You okay?
- Sorry. A little bit of a headache.
- 228. Willy Loman.
- 229. I just wanted to say thank you
- 230. You've been absolutely brilliant.
- 231. It's gonna be miserable
going ahead without you.
- 232. - I'll be around. I'll check in.
- I'm such a baby.
- 233. Okay. I'm gonna go get drunk,
- 234. Okay. Claire. Sweetheart.
- 235. - Good. Good job.
- Oh, don't worry, I'll get better.
- 236. - Good work.
- Don't worry, it'll get better.
- 237. Hey. I figured I'd better get in fast.
- 238. - Hey, you wanna sit?
- Yeah, yeah.
- 239. - Where's El wife-o?
- Had to work.
- 240. Her show in Berlin is in two weeks.
- 241. We're gonna go there
for like a month.
- 242. - Why do I like you so much?
- I couldn't begin to guess.
- 243. Me neither.
- 244. Do you get high, my friend?
- 245. You know, sometimes.
- 246. Do you want to now?
With me, in my car?
- 247. I get kind of...
- 248. something when I'm stoned.
- 249. What does "something" mean?
- 250. You know...
- 251. bothered.
- 252. - What does "bothered" mean?
- You know.
- 253. Bothered. Horny.
- 254. And me with a station wagon and all.
Could be dangerous.
- 255. - Yeah, could be.
- You're absolutely zero fun.
- 256. When are the reviews
gonna get here?
- 257. Don't know.
- 258. His best friends finger two babies...
- 259. One this big, one this big.
and two kittens.
- 260. - Hey.
- Hi, Caden. How'd it go?
- 261. - Hi.
- 262. It's late.
- 263. Maria came over
to keep me company because...
- 264. And we just lost track.
I got everything done.
- 265. But I'm sorry I missed your play.
I'm sorry. But how'd it go?
- 266. Great. We're a hit.
- 267. Reviews are great.
- 268. Times said it was brilliant casting
young people as Willy and Linda.
- 269. - That's great, Caden. Good for you.
- 270. I can't wait to see it tomorrow.
- 271. That's great.
- 272. Wow, it's really late... Early.
- 273. Early.
- 274. It's late.
Hey, I would love to see it too.
- 275. - Can we get Maria a ticket?
- You're stoned.
- 276. I mean, a little. It's, you know...
I don't know.
- 277. But are you happy with it?
- 278. Yeah. Yeah, I'd love for you to see...
To know what you think.
- 279. It doesn't matter what I think.
- 280. Absolutely. It's all about
your artistic satisfaction, Caden.
- 281. - Congratulations.
- 282. - I've always loved this house.
- Yes, it's a wonderful place.
- 283. The truth is, I never really imagined
I could afford it.
- 284. Well, the sellers
are very motivated now.
- 285. It's a scary decision.
I never thought I'd buy a house alone.
- 286. But, you know, I'm 36,
and I wonder what it is I'm waiting for.
- 287. - Home buying is always scary.
- And with the fire and all especially.
- 288. Well, it's a good size though,
2200 square feet...
- 289. not including
the partially finished basement.
- 290. Oh, I don't know.
- 291. - I'm thinking I should go.
- It's a perfect size for someone alone.
- 292. I like it, I do. I'm just really concerned
about dying in the fire.
- 293. It's a big decision
how one prefers to die.
- 294. Would you like to meet my son?
- 295. Derek's living in the basement
since his divorce, if that's okay.
- 296. Hey, Mom.
- 297. - Let's go, Ma.
- I want just a minute.
- 298. I never...
- 299. Forgive me, dear. I can't cry.
- 300. I don't know what it is,
but I can't cry.
- 301. It seems to me
that you're just on another trip.
- 302. I keep expecting you.
Why did you do it?
- 303. I search and I search
and I can't understand it.
- 304. I made the last payment
on the house today.
- 305. We're free and clear.
We're free. We're free.
- 306. - Well done.
- 307. - Well done. It was very successful.
- I thought it was wonderful.
- 308. Why did the older people
look so young?
- 309. It was a choice, Dad.
I'll explain later.
- 310. I can't get excited about your restaging
someone else's old play, it just...
- 311. There's nothing personal in it.
- 312. People are coming out of the theater
- 313. Great. Be a fucking tool
of suburban, blue-haired...
- 314. regional-theater subscribers.
- 315. - You didn't you think it was long?
- 316. But what are you leaving behind?
- 317. You act as if you have forever
to figure it out.
- 318. When you're dead, there's no time.
The world is...
- 319. I don't know.
I slept maybe three hours.
- 320. So we're both tired.
- 321. No, I cuddled with Olive all night.
It was great.
- 322. Morning. Morning.
- 323. - Morning, Caden.
- I think I might have arthritis.
- 324. Friends on fire.
- 325. I'm going to.
- 326. No, I know exactly.
Okay, I will. I'll call you later.
- 327. I know. You're right. Bye.
- 328. My joints are stiff.
- 329. Who was that?
- 330. - Maria.
- 331. Three hours since you spoke.
- 332. Caden, I think I wanna go to Berlin
with just Olive.
- 333. - I think it would be good for us.
- Oh, Christ.
- 334. Morning, kiddos.
- 335. Why don't you want me to go?
- 336. You know, I think it would be a good
thing for the two of us to do alone.
- 337. How do you think I'm supposed
to respond to something like that?
- 338. - Want me to zip your coat up?
- 339. What's wrong with your face,
- 340. It's pustules.
- 341. It's called sycosis.
- 342. Spelled differently than "psychosis,"
but it sounds the same.
- 343. I don't know what that means.
- 344. Of course not.
- 345. Well, there are two kinds of psychosis.
They're spelled differently.
- 346. P-S-Y is like if you're crazy,
- 347. S-Y is like these ugly things
on my face.
- 348. - You could have both, though.
- I could, but I don't.
- 349. Can I ask you something, Ad?
- 350. Have I disappointed you somehow?
- 351. I don't know what I'm doing.
We're just spending a little time apart.
- 352. We'll talk when I get back, okay?
- 353. Everyone is disappointing.
The more you know someone, it just...
- 354. This whole romantic-love thing,
it's just a projection anyway, right?
- 355. I mean, I don't know.
- 356. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- 357. I love you.
- 358. I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know.
- 359. We'll talk when I get back.
- 360. Okay?
- 361. Flurostatin TR
allows you to live life...
- 362. when it's your turn to face
the challenges of chemotherapy.
- 363. Ask your doctor
if Flurostatin TR is right for you.
- 364. and I'm on the first train
out of Palookaville.
- 365. the Miracle Brush
can scour everything from bottles...
- 366. - Rise and shine...
- Lift those legs...
- 367. - I'm lonely.
- Yes. Anything else?
- 368. - I'm hurt.
- Yes. And?
- 369. I think Adele's right.
I'm not doing anything real...
- 370. What would be real?
- 371. I'm afraid I'm gonna die.
- 372. I don't know what's wrong with me.
- 373. I wanna do something important
while I'm still here.
- 374. That would be the time to do it. I have
a book that might help you get better.
- 375. - Better?
- It's called Getting Better.
- 376. - Who wrote it?
- I did. All of these.
- 377. - Wow, I never knew that.
- Yes. Well, wow, indeed.
- 378. In conclusion... Cats eat rats...
- 379. Within his own plumbing...
Me who am as a raw nerve...
- 380. Synthetic vaginal juices...
- 381. That's $45.
- 382. Five. Five.
- 383. Five.
- 384. Some fives. That's not good.
- 385. Keep with the flossing.
We'll see you in three months.
- 386. Six. Six. Six.
- 387. I'm gonna recommend
you see a periodontist.
- 388. He'll probably recommend
- 389. - Hello?
- Hey, I'm so glad I finally got you.
- 390. - Hello, who is this?
- It's Caden.
- 391. Ellen?
- 392. It's Caden. I can't wait to see you
and Olive on the 12th...
- 393. No, I have to go.
I'm sorry, there's a party. I'm famous.
- 394. Have fun...
- 395. 911, state your emergency.
- 396. - I'm sick! I'm sick!
- 397. Mr. Cotard?
- 398. Mr. Cotard.
- 399. You've had a seizure of sorts.
- 400. What does that mean?
- 401. Seems to be some synaptic
degradation, fungal in origin.
- 402. Autonomic functions
are going haywire.
- 403. You'll lose your ability
to salivate, cry, et cetera.
- 404. - Is it serious?
- We don't know. But, yes.
- 405. We'll get you enrolled
in some biofeedback program.
- 406. Maybe you can learn
some sort of manual override.
- 407. We should get a drink.
It would be fun.
- 408. - It would be weird.
- I like weird. I like you. See?
- 409. Anyway, I don't wanna
make you uncomfortable, I...
- 410. Okay, so I do
wanna make you uncomfortable.
- 411. And what do we do with all this?
- 412. You wanna come over to my place,
- 413. I won't let you off the hook this time
by saying, "Never mind."
- 414. Adele is only on vacation.
- 415. She hasn't called since she left.
It's been a year.
- 416. It's been a week.
- 417. I'm gonna buy you a calendar.
- 418. Okay.
- 419. Just for one drink.
- 420. Come on. Scraps for my scrapbook.
- 421. I can't... I really can't drink very much
because of my condition.
- 422. Did you put something in it?
- 423. If that's what it takes,
consider it done.
- 424. Love potion number 69.
- 425. - It's good.
- Does it make you wanna kiss me?
- 426. - Kind of.
- Tell me why.
- 427. Because I feel a lot of longing.
- 428. Beg a girl, why don't you?
- 429. - Please, Hazel.
- On your knees.
- 430. What?
- 431. I want you to beg me
on your knees for a kiss.
- 432. Just for fun.
- 433. Why am I doing this?
- 434. For fun, baby.
- 435. Will you help me
forget my troubles?
- 436. Oh, kiddo.
- 437. You don't even know.
- 438. - What?
- I don't know.
- 439. - What is it?
- I don't know, I'm sorry.
- 440. I'm sorry.
- 441. - What?
- I don't know, I'm just...
- 442. I'm just really confused.
- 443. I'm sorry.
- 444. I...
- 445. I'm really sick.
- 446. And I think I'm dying.
- 447. I have a kid, and I'm married.
- 448. I just thought
this might change things, you know?
- 449. I had a good time,
and I think you're a very nice person.
- 450. That is just the wrong thing
to say right now, Caden.
- 451. You should go.
- 452. Hazel. Leave a message or not.
It's your dime.
- 453. Hi. You know,
I haven't heard from you in a while...
- 454. and I just thought I'd call
and say hi.
- 455. Hi, Hazel.
- 456. Now. Now. Be here now.
- 457. Olive wanted me to ask you
not to read her diary.
- 458. She left it under her pillow
- 459. Dear Mr. Cotard,
it is my pleasure to inform you...
- 460. that you have been named
a 2009 MacArthur Fellow.
- 461. It is our hope that you will use
your newly found financial freedom...
- 462. to create something unflinchingly
true, profoundly beautiful...
- 463. and of unremitting value
to your community and to the world.
- 464. - I got this MacArthur grant.
- Oh, Caden.
- 465. - Yeah, a lot of money.
- Know what you're gonna do with it?
- 466. Theater piece.
Something big and true and tough.
- 467. I'm gonna finally put my real self
- 468. What is your real self, do you think?
- 469. I don't know yet.
- 470. The MacArthur is called
"the genius grant"...
- 471. and I wanna earn it.
- 472. That's wonderful. God bless.
- 473. I guess you'll have to discover
your real self, right?
- 474. Yeah.
- 475. I wanted to ask you, how old are kids
when they start to write?
- 476. There's an absolutely brilliant novel
written by a 4-year-old.
- 477. - Really?
- Little Winky by Horace Azpiazu.
- 478. - That's cute.
- Oh, hardly.
- 479. Little Winky
is a virulent anti-Semite.
- 480. The story follows his initiation
into the Klan...
- 481. his immersion
in the pornographic snuff industry...
- 482. and his ultimate degradation
at the hands of a black ex-convict...
- 483. named Eric Washington Jackson
- 484. - Written by a 4-year-old?
- ... Jefferson.
- 485. Written by a 4-year-old?
- 486. Well, Azpiazu killed himself
when he was 5.
- 487. - Why did he kill himself?
- I don't know. Why did you?
- 488. What?
- 489. I said, why would you?
- 490. Oh, I don't know.
- 491. Yeah, I wanna bring my production
to New York...
- 492. to get it seen by people,
you know, who matter.
- 493. - The sooner the better.
- This theater, centrally located.
- 494. Heart of the theater district,
so, you know, great for plays.
- 495. - Yeah?
- Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There it is.
- 496. - What was this used for?
- 497. - Like, theater plays?
- 498. King Lear.
- 499. The storm.
- 500. You see, the idea
is to do a massive theater piece.
- 501. You know, uncompromising, honest.
- 502. Here's what I think theater is.
It's the beginning of thought.
- 503. It's the truth not yet spoken.
- 504. It's what a man feels like
after he's been clocked in the jaw.
- 505. It's love in all its messiness.
- 506. You know, and I want all of us,
players and patrons alike...
- 507. to soak
in the communal bath of it...
- 508. the mikvah, as the Jews call it.
- 509. Because we're all in the same water,
- 510. You know, soaking
in our very menstrual blood...
- 511. and nocturnal emissions.
- 512. This is what I wanna try
to give people.
- 513. Okay, here you go.
Here's your salad.
- 514. - Here's your soup.
- 515. - Thank you.
- 516. - What are you doing?
- 517. The biofeedback training.
- 518. - So I was wondering if you'd help.
- In your box office?
- 519. No, as my assistant.
- 520. I'm not sure I can work with you,
- 521. I'm kind of angry.
- 522. I just wanna normalize it.
- 523. I think we'd have a lot of fun
- 524. I miss you.
- 525. - Really disturbing.
- I know.
- 526. Dear diary, thank you
for being my new best friend.
- 527. My name is Olive Cotard,
and I'm 4 years old.
- 528. I like chocolate,
and my favorite color is pink.
- 529. This is pink.
- 530. Yeah, that's good.
- 531. - Next.
- 532. We'll start by talking honestly...
- 533. and out of that,
a piece of theater will evolve.
- 534. I'll begin.
- 535. I've been thinking a lot
about dying lately.
- 536. - You're gonna be fine, sweetie.
- Well, I appreciate that, Claire, but...
- 537. You are, you poor thing.
- 538. Yeah, well, regardless of how
this particular thing works itself out...
- 539. I will be dying.
- 540. And so will you.
- 541. And so will everyone here.
- 542. And that's what I wanna explore.
- 543. We're all hurtling towards death.
- 544. Yet here we are,
for the moment, alive...
- 545. each of us knowing
we're gonna die...
- 546. each of us
secretly believing we won't.
- 547. It's brilliant.
- 548. It's everything.
- 549. It's Karamazov.
- 550. - Stop.
- I'm just asking.
- 551. - You're so obnoxious.
- You're so obnoxious.
- 552. - You do not wanna cross me.
- Don't I?
- 553. Hi, Claire.
- 554. - Hi.
- 555. Yeah. No, no. I know, I know. Hazel.
You're the box office.
- 556. - Yeah, I'm the box office.
- How are you?
- 557. Wonderful. You?
- 558. Yeah, yeah. I'm good. I'm fine.
- 559. Actually, I'm meeting Caden here.
You know Mr. Cotard, right?
- 560. Yes, I recall Mr. Cotard.
- 561. Yeah. I'm waiting...
- 562. - Hey.
- Hi, Caden.
- 563. - Hi, Caden.
- Hi, Hazel. Hi, Claire.
- 564. Hi.
- 565. - This is Derek.
- Hi, Derek.
- 566. - Hi, Derek.
- Hi, Derek.
- 567. Hi.
- 568. Well, we'll leave you be.
It's nice to see you again.
- 569. - Take care.
- Why am I bowing? Okay, bye.
- 570. - That was awkward.
- Yeah, I guess.
- 571. Do you like beaver...?
- 572. So could you tell me maybe
what it is that you want from me?
- 573. You know, like, from my character.
- 574. Well, we'll build it over time
- 575. You know, try to find a real person,
maybe, to model it after.
- 576. That Hazel girl's
kind of interesting maybe.
- 577. - You know, like, why...?
- 578. Why is she still working
at a box office at her age?
- 579. I don't know.
Probably not that interesting.
- 580. Maybe she wanted to be an actress,
but she lacked the confidence.
- 581. - Yeah, we'll talk about it.
- I'm so excited.
- 582. Really? Why?
- 583. Because I think that it's brave.
- 584. And I just feel like
I'm gonna be part of a revolution.
- 585. I keep thinking about Artaud,
Krapp's Last Tape...
- 586. you know, and Grotowski,
- 587. I don't know what I'm doing.
- 588. But that's what so refreshing.
- 589. Knowing that you don't know...
- 590. is the first and the most essential
step to knowing, you know?
- 591. I don't know.
- 592. - Well, I'm proud of you.
- 593. - Don't say that, not to me.
- Oh, sorry.
- 594. My mother died last night.
- 595. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
What are you doing out?
- 596. - This is me.
- 597. Well, it was nice meeting you.
Oh, God, did I just say "meeting"?
- 598. - I'm sorry. I'm so stupid.
- Slip of the tongue, is all.
- 599. Yeah, it's a Freudian slip, right?
- 600. I don't know how it's Freudian.
- 601. To meet, you know? Like, to meet.
- 602. There she met Ralph Keene.
They fell in love, married...
- 603. and soon their first child,
Claire, was born.
- 604. I used to be a baby.
- 605. Claire Elizabeth Keene
was a joyous child...
- 606. - I'm sorry.
- ... the apple of her mother's eye.
- 607. She made her parents proud with her
politeness and gymnastic skills.
- 608. God, you're beautiful.
- 609. When she was 7, little Claire
was bitten by the acting bug.
- 610. She starred
in almost every school musical...
- 611. playing Ado Annie in Oklahoma...
- 612. Adelaide in Guys And Dolls,
and Maria in The Sound Of Music.
- 613. I have to fuck you. I have to.
- 614. There will be no other before you.
- 615. I'd like to buy a ticket, please.
- 616. - Okay. Hold it.
- That'll be $40.
- 617. We're not really...
We need to investigate.
- 618. You know, to really discover
the essence of each being.
- 619. You know, I think I need to work
with both of you separately.
- 620. Davis, I'll start with you.
- 621. I liked the beginning.
I don't wanna see a good scene...
- 622. "Davis, I'll start with you"?
- 623. There's a difference between favoring
me and pretending we've never met.
- 624. I mean, we've had Ariel.
I think people know that we've fucked.
- 625. We'll talk about your character
after we put Ariel to bed, okay?
- 626. Okay.
- 627. I think I made a breakthrough.
- 628. - This character is so beautiful...
- Yeah, I have to go find my daughter.
- 629. - Your daughter's right here.
- My real daughter.
- 630. - Excuse me?
- I mean, my first daughter, Olive.
- 631. - I have to go find her.
- Please don't do this to us.
- 632. She's tattooed. She's tattooed.
- 633. Oh, everyone is tattooed.
- 634. Oh, I've never seen that before.
- 635. - You have responsibilities.
- Yeah, I'll be quick. I'll do it quick.
- 636. Redundancy is fluid.
Life moves to the south.
- 637. There is only the now,
and I am always with you.
- 638. For example, look to your left.
- 639. Hi.
- 640. When you canceled, it freed me up,
so I'm traveling too.
- 641. You know,
I'm not sure I'm getting the book.
- 642. Oh, but it's getting you.
You're almost non-recognizable now.
- 643. Thank you.
- 644. I show you my leg. I stand close,
and you inhale my perfume.
- 645. I offer my ripe flower to you
and you deny it.
- 646. This book is over.
- 647. Hi.
- 648. I don't speak German.
- 649. Yeah, yeah. I may help you, mister?
- 650. I'm looking for Adele Cotard.
- 651. We must not give addresses
or other personal informations.
- 652. - I'm her husband.
- No, you are not her husbands...
- 653. which is named Gunther
- 654. I'm the father of her daughter, Olive.
- 655. I see. I'm sorry, I cannot help you.
- 656. Dear diary, Germany is wonderful.
So many friends here.
- 657. My new dads are great
- 658. and brilliant directors of theater.
- 659. Hello.
- 660. You're here?
- 661. Yeah. I live with Adele and Olive
and Gunther and Heinz...
- 662. and Uschi and Britt.
I'm everyone's nanny.
- 663. I wanna see my daughter.
- 664. - Yeah, they sent me.
- 665. Who are they?
Who the fuck are Uschi and Britt?
- 666. Yeah, they decided it's not time
to see you yet.
- 667. They decided? Who decided?
They had her tattooed.
- 668. Oh, I did that. Olive is my project...
- 669. She's a 4-year-old!
- 670. She's a fucking 4-year-old!
- 671. She's almost over 11 now.
- 672. She's my muse.
- 673. I love her.
- 674. You don't love her!
- 675. Where is she?
- 676. What did you do to my daughter?
- 677. Death comes faster than you think.
- 678. - That was your last patient for the day.
- Let's stop this charade.
- 679. I don't know
what you're talking about, doctor.
- 680. You're actually having an affair
- 681. - Palpable, huh?
- Oh, okay.
- 682. - Who told you?
- And it's not good.
- 683. - Not good, oh, okay.
- You're actors playing actors.
- 684. You're in this scene, you're not
just filming it. You're in this scene.
- 685. Just like that...
- 686. As you're telling him this,
you realize you're attracted to him.
- 687. How are you gonna let him know?
- 688. And the guilt you feel about telling him
about somebody else knowing.
- 689. Daddy, Daddy is mine.
- 690. Daddy can't play now, honey.
- 691. Daddy doesn't live with us anymore,
baby. He had to go find himself.
- 692. They still feel a little tight in the toe.
- 693. Have an argument.
You're having an argument. Have it.
- 694. - I don't buy it.
- You, sir, are a horse's ass.
- 695. What? Just get the fucking shoe.
You gave me two sizes too big.
- 696. Tom, don't turn into another person
just because I say change your action.
- 697. And this started just today?
It never happened before?
- 698. Okay. Good.
- 699. You can get dressed.
- 700. I mean, you're a doctor, right?
Am I dying? Can you tell me that?
- 701. - No.
- No, you can't tell me?
- 702. - I can't tell you.
- You can't tell me if you can't tell me?
- 703. - No.
- No, you can't tell me...
- 704. - ... because you're not allowed to?
- 705. - Caden.
- What are you doing here?
- 706. I was wondering
if I was gonna bump into you.
- 707. - You look great.
- 708. - Is that a new haircut?
- Yeah. For a while now.
- 709. What are you doing in New York?
- 710. I'm here with Derek and the boys.
A mini vacation.
- 711. - The boys?
- Yeah. I thought you knew.
- 712. - How old?
- 713. Twins. Robert and Daniel and Alan.
- 714. Yes.
- 715. They're nice names.
Where are they?
- 716. Derek took them to the Natural History
so I could shop.
- 717. It's so good to see you, Caden.
I... How are things?
- 718. You know, I was with Claire.
- 719. And we have a daughter.
But we're separated.
- 720. How about with you?
- 721. Good. I have a great job
at Lens Shapers.
- 722. Shapers. Great. You wear a lab coat.
- 723. - It's so good to see you.
- Oh, good to see you, Hazel.
- 724. Hey! What are you doing?
- 725. - I got you.
- Let me go.
- 726. How I love Maria.
- 727. She is so much more of a father
than Caden ever was...
- 728. with his drinking and unfortunate
body odor and rotting teeth.
- 729. I could only loathe him,
and perhaps pity him.
- 730. But Maria.
- 731. I wanna come back.
- 732. I wanna take care of you and Olive.
Ariel. Ariel. Fuck.
- 733. Ariel.
- 734. No, no, no, it's so late. Please.
- 735. No, no, no. Please.
- 736. Hello?
- 737. Okay.
- 738. My father died.
- 739. Oh, baby.
- 740. They said his body was riddled
with cancer and that he didn't know.
- 741. That he went in
because his finger hurt.
- 742. They said he suffered horribly.
- 743. And that he...
- 744. That he called out for me
before he died.
- 745. They said that he said
he regretted his life.
- 746. And they said he said a lot of things.
- 747. Too many to recount.
- 748. They said it was the longest...
- 749. and saddest deathbed speech
any of them had ever heard.
- 750. There was so little left of him...
- 751. they had to fill the coffin
with cotton balls...
- 752. to keep him from rattling around.
- 753. I'm really sorry for your loss.
- 754. Thank you.
Can you excuse me a moment?
- 755. - Of course.
- I need to use the bathroom.
- 756. - All right.
- 757. God bless you and your family.
- 758. God bless you. Will you excuse me?
- 759. It's Hazel. Leave a message or not.
It's your dime.
- 760. It's left five people dead.
- 761. Sorry.
- 762. - Caden?
- Hi, Derek.
- 763. Officials suspect arson.
- 764. In other news,
German pharmaceutical giant...
- 765. has won its libel suit
- 766. claiming chromosomal damage
from use of the arthritis medication...
- 767. Will you just tell me what to do?
- 768. In Pakistan today, the government...
- 769. Caden, everyone has to figure out
their own life, you know.
- 770. I just want you to look at me
the way you used to.
- 771. Oh, honey, I can't anymore.
- 772. You know I'm sorry.
- 773. I screwed everything up,
and I don't have any courage.
- 774. - And I'm sorry.
- 775. - I'm okay.
- I don't want you to be okay.
- 776. I mean, I do, but it just...
- 777. It rips my guts out.
- 778. I'll help you through any way I can.
- 779. And I'll help you through too.
- 780. I'm fine.
- 781. I have Derek.
- 782. Okay, I'm going.
- 783. Honey, I'm coming.
- 784. Dear diary, today I felt a wetness
between my legs.
- 785. Maria explained to me
now I am a woman.
- 786. And being a woman is wonderful
with Maria to guide me.
- 787. Olive?
- 788. Olive.
- 789. Olive, it's Daddy.
- 790. Olive, it's Daddy.
- 791. Olive, it's Daddy! Olive, it's Daddy!
- 792. Don't fucking stare at me! Olive!
- 793. Get off! It's my daughter!
That's my daughter!
- 794. Get off! Get off!
- 795. I won't settle for anything less
than the brutal truth.
- 796. Brutal. Brutal.
- 797. Each day I'll hand you a paper. It'll tell
you what happened to you that day.
- 798. You felt a lump in your breast.
- 799. You looked at your wife
and saw a stranger, et cetera.
- 800. - Caden?
- 801. When are we gonna
get an audience in here?
- 802. It's been 17 years.
- 803. All right, I'm not excusing myself
from this either.
- 804. I will have someone play me...
- 805. to delve into the murky,
- 806. of my lonely, fucked-up being.
- 807. And he'll get notes too,
and those notes will correspond...
- 808. to the notes I truly receive
every day from my god.
- 809. Get to work!
- 810. They fired me.
- 811. - I caused an outbreak of conjunctivitis.
- Oh, God.
- 812. I didn't wash my hands.
I had pinkeye hands.
- 813. - Oh, God.
- I'm a stupid cow.
- 814. Fucking private Christian school
is killing us. You know, it's not cheap.
- 815. It's Derek's thing.
I don't believe in that shit, you know.
- 816. You try to be a good person.
I mean, that's all there is.
- 817. Do you have anything for me,
- 818. I mean, I already have an assistant.
- 819. - I don't have a box office yet, but...
- Please, Caden.
- 820. Please, Caden. I...
- 821. Please, Caden.
- 822. Sammy Barnathan?
- 823. Sit. Sammy Barnathan.
- 824. I don't have a résumé or a picture.
- 825. - I've never worked as an actor.
- Good. Tell me why you're here.
- 826. Well, I've been...
- 827. I've been following you for 20 years.
- 828. So I knew about this audition
because I follow you.
- 829. And I've learned everything about you
by following you.
- 830. So hire me,
and you'll see who you truly are.
- 831. Peekaboo.
- 832. Okay.
- 833. Hazel, I don't think we need to talk to
anyone else. This guy has me down.
- 834. I'm gonna cast him right now.
Then maybe you and I can get a drink.
- 835. And we can try to figure out
this thing between us...
- 836. why I cried.
- 837. Because I've never felt about anybody
the way I feel about you.
- 838. And I wanna fuck you
until we merge into a chimera...
- 839. a mythical beast with penis
and vagina eternally fused...
- 840. two pairs of eyes
that look only at each other...
- 841. and lips ever touching.
- 842. And one voice that whispers to itself.
- 843. Okay.
- 844. Yeah. You've got the part.
- 845. I've never seen your shit gray.
- 846. It's new.
- 847. That's a good boy.
- 848. - When is it opening?
- When it's ready.
- 849. - We need to get in. It's bad out here.
- 850. You know, I was thinking
of calling it Simulacrum.
- 851. I don't even know what it means.
- 852. Can I have a nickel if I doesn't play
with my pee-pee no more?
- 853. Yeah.
- 854. How about
The Flawed Light of Love and Grief?
- 855. I'm not sure.
- 856. Claire, I want you to play yourself.
- 857. Sammy's gonna move
into your apartment set as me.
- 858. It would be my honor
to play your husband, Claire.
- 859. You're an amazing actress.
- 860. No, I saw you do Bernarda Alba
last year at the Roundabout.
- 861. Yeah?
- 862. That was a fun play.
- 863. Emotionally, it was tough,
but fucking fulfilling.
- 864. Plus, I loved working
with so many strong female actresses.
- 865. I'm gonna start thinking
- 866. Start, huh?
- 867. Who is Claire Keen?
Claire Keen. Claire Keen.
- 868. - Why did we leave Adele, Caden?
- Claire Keen. Well...
- 869. She left us.
- 870. You know that better than anybody.
- 871. Except me.
- 872. An amazing artist though.
The best living artist.
- 873. I mean, there's no one who stares
the truth in the face like she does.
- 874. Sweet pussy too.
- 875. How do you know that?
- 876. I read it.
- 877. Anyway...
- 878. I mean, I don't know where she is.
- 879. Well, maybe she's got a sublet
in New York.
- 880. Maybe she's got a retrospective
at the Met. Maybe, baby.
- 881. Why are you giving me this?
- 882. I wanna follow you there and see
how you lose even more of yourself.
- 883. Research.
- 884. You know, for the part.
- 885. Partner.
- 886. Hold it. Hold it, please.
- 887. Hold it, please.
- 888. I asked you to hold the door.
- 889. I'm sorry. I pressed the button,
but I think it was too late.
- 890. You didn't press it.
- 891. - Have a good night.
- Yeah, thanks.
- 892. - Are you Ellen? Ellen?
- 893. - Are you Ellen Bascomb?
- 894. I'm to give the key to 31Y
to Ellen Bascomb.
- 895. Yes, I'm Ellen.
- 896. She said you should just go ahead
and get started.
- 897. - And don't forget to change the sheets.
- Okay, thanks.
- 898. Oh, sweetheart.
- 899. Adele?
- 900. Adele?
- 901. Hi, Ellen. Be a doll and do the sheets
and whatever's in the hamper.
- 902. Your money's under the toaster.
- 903. P.S. Bag of stuff in bedroom closet
for Goodwill. Take what you want.
- 904. Went for a walk. I had to think.
- 905. All night?
- 906. You smell weird.
Are you wearing lipstick?
- 907. No.
- 908. What do I smell like?
- 909. Like bad? Like an old person?
- 910. I don't know.
Like mold and cleaning products.
- 911. Like you're menstruating.
I don't know.
- 912. Menstruating?
- 913. You tell me.
- 914. I don't menstruate. I don't know how
I could smell like I'm menstruating.
- 915. I wouldn't know.
- 916. I don't like the guy you got
to play you.
- 917. You don't like Sammy? Why?
I think he's good.
- 918. Fuck you. I'm 45 years old.
I don't wanna do this shit anymore.
- 919. He's the best thing in the play
- 920. He's coming on to me.
He's grabbing my ass in rehearsal.
- 921. - He's your husband.
- Good, Jimmy.
- 922. He's not my goddamn husband.
- 923. What the fuck is wrong with you?
- 924. - I'm going to rehearsal.
- It's about the play.
- 925. - We're getting at something real here.
- That's great, you guys.
- 926. Beautiful, Sammy.
- 927. - Caden? Time-out?
- 928. What's up?
- 929. Well, I feel we need a Hazel in here.
- 930. I mean, there's a whole side of Caden
I can't explore without a Hazel.
- 931. - I guess, yeah.
- I get to be a character?
- 932. Yeah.
- 933. Hi, Ellen.
Crackerjack job last night.
- 934. Would you do sheets again?
- 935. We had quite a fuck,
and it's musky and gross. Kisses, A.
- 936. Hi, Adele. Relined the cabinets.
- 937. I just wanted to let you know
I won a MacArthur Grant.
- 938. And I'm mounting a play which
I think is gonna be pure and truthful.
- 939. Best, Ellen.
- 940. I went for a walk. I had to think.
- 941. Caden, what are you doing at night?
- 942. I have a right to fucking know.
- 943. I've been going to Adele's place.
- 944. And cleaning it.
- 945. Do you have any idea
what I've given up for you? For this?
- 946. For you? For you?
Could you please get that?
- 947. - This looks serious. Am I interrupting?
- What's going on, Hazel?
- 948. I just wanted you to know
that the actress playing me...
- 949. is ready to start today.
- 950. That's great. That's all we need
around here, is two Hazels.
- 951. Okay, I'll take that as my cue.
- 952. - Maybe you could clean her toilet.
- Maybe I will.
- 953. This is over.
- 954. - No, Claire...
- I'm not talking to you.
- 955. I didn't say I was gonna
clean Hazel's toilet. He did.
- 956. - But you thought it!
- I thought it, but I didn't say it.
- 957. I got an offer to do
Needleman in a Haystack.
- 958. And I'm gonna take it.
I want you out of the apartment.
- 959. The real one. You can keep this one.
- 960. Claire.
- 961. Jesus. Claire.
- 962. Hi, yeah, we're gonna need
a Claire replacement.
- 963. Claire, I didn't say it.
- 964. I already put out a call
for a Claire replacement.
- 965. But I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to move on.
- 966. Just like that?
You don't give a guy even a chance?
- 967. I'm not a chance-giving girl.
I'm a fun-loving girl, remember?
- 968. I try and be fun-loving, see?
- 969. Sorry.
- 970. My analyst says
you have complexes.
- 971. Once you enjoyed
- 972. - That's before my analyst taught me...
- This is the last of my stuff.
- 973. - Bye.
- Bye. From the top?
- 974. Oh, Needleman,
you had such potential.
- 975. But I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to move on.
- 976. I'm sorry. Okay.
- 977. Oh, Needleman,
you had such potential.
- 978. But I'm afraid
I'm going to have to move on.
- 979. Just like that?
You don't give a guy a chance?
- 980. I'm not a chance-giving girl.
I'm a fun-loving girl.
- 981. Once you enjoyed
- 982. That's before my analyst taught me...
- 983. This is a lie.
- 984. Come here.
I try to be fun-loving, see?
- 985. - She told me your hatred of...
- 986. Wall it up. All of it.
- 987. Claire.
- 988. Oh, Needleman.
- 989. All right.
- 990. Good for you with your grant.
- 991. Listen, I fixed up the walk-in
as a sort of bedroom if you want.
- 992. We'd love to have you...
- 993. and you wouldn't have to schlep
all the way to Queens.
- 994. It's just a thought. Kisses, A.
- 995. Dear diary, I'm afraid I'm gravely ill.
- 996. It is perhaps times like these
that one reflects on things past.
- 997. An article of clothing
from when I was young.
- 998. A green jacket.
A walk with my father.
- 999. A game we once played.
Pretend we're fairies.
- 1000. I'm a girl fairy,
and my name is Lauralee...
- 1001. and you're a boy fairy,
and your name is Teetery.
- 1002. Pretend when we're fairies,
we fight each other.
- 1003. And I say, "Stop hitting me or I'll die."
And you hit me again, and I say:
- 1004. "Now I have to die."
And you say, "But I'll miss you."
- 1005. And I say, "But I have to.
- 1006. And you'll have to wait a million years
to see me again.
- 1007. And I'll be put in a box...
- 1008. and all I'll need
is a tiny glass of water...
- 1009. and lots of tiny pieces of pizza.
- 1010. And the box will have wings
like an airplane."
- 1011. And you ask,
"Where will it take you?"
- 1012. "Home, " I say.
- 1013. This is to hear.
- 1014. - So words... English here, yeah?
- 1015. I'm dying...
- 1016. as I'm sure Maria told you.
- 1017. The flower tattoos have become
infected and they're dying.
- 1018. So I am as well. This is life.
- 1019. It's Maria. She did this.
- 1020. Maria gave me a reason to live
once you left.
- 1021. The flowers defined me.
- 1022. Your mother and Maria
took you away.
- 1023. I've tried for years to find you.
I didn't leave you.
- 1024. I want to talk to you
about your homosexuality.
- 1025. - I'm not a homosexual.
- Maria said you would deny it.
- 1026. Well, she's a liar. She's lying to you.
- 1027. I had the same struggle
when I first fell in love with Maria...
- 1028. and we began to have dirty,
- 1029. Maria is your lover?
- 1030. Of course.
She introduced me to myself...
- 1031. to my vagina and to hers.
- 1032. You have no idea how evil she is.
- 1033. I need to forgive you before I die...
- 1034. but I can't forgive someone
who has not asked for forgiveness.
- 1035. - I just want...
- I have no time.
- 1036. I need you to ask for forgiveness.
- 1037. Can you ever forgive me?
- 1038. - For what?
- For abandoning you.
- 1039. For abandoning you
to have anal sex...
- 1040. with my homosexual lover, Eric.
- 1041. I will, I'll say it.
- 1042. For abandoning you...
- 1043. to have anal sex
with my homosexual lover, Eric.
- 1044. No.
- 1045. No, I'm sorry.
- 1046. I cannot.
- 1047. I hope you are happy, faggot.
- 1048. I'm not happy. I'm not happy.
- 1049. I've talked to you before. This is not
a play about dating. It's about death.
- 1050. Make it personal. Move along.
- 1051. He doesn't need to yell at them.
- 1052. It is a play about dating.
It's not a play just about death.
- 1053. It's about everything.
- 1054. Dating, birth, death, life, family...
- 1055. all that.
- 1056. - This doesn't look real.
- 1057. - It's not real.
- I can't hear you.
- 1058. - Morning, Haze.
- Hi, Caden. How was your night?
- 1059. It was okay. Yours?
- 1060. Phillip was colicky.
I was up all night.
- 1061. - Oh, sorry.
- 1062. - Everybody here?
- Sammy's not here.
- 1063. Jimmy called and said
there's some subway problem.
- 1064. Sorry. Sorry.
- 1065. - Hi, Hazel.
- Hi, Sammy.
- 1066. Sammy likes you.
- 1067. I need you to build this.
This is just the facade.
- 1068. It's Adele's place.
We'll be casting an Ellen.
- 1069. I can give you the interiors later.
- 1070. A few days?
- 1071. - Can I look again?
- A slight shift in perspective on this.
- 1072. Millicent Weems?
- 1073. - Caden, this is...
- Hazel, what do you think of this title?
- 1074. Unknown, Unkissed and Lost?
- 1075. Anyway, this is Millicent Weems.
- 1076. Have a seat.
- 1077. How are you at cleaning?
- 1078. - Very, very good at it.
- This part requires a lot of it.
- 1079. You'd be playing a cleaning lady.
- 1080. I played Egga, the cleaning lady,
in Hedda Gabler at the Roundabout.
- 1081. Great. Okay.
- 1082. And Mrs. Dobson in Scrub-A-Dub
at the Pantages.
- 1083. You're weirdly close
to what I visualize for this character.
- 1084. Glad to be weirdly close.
- 1085. Sorry, everybody.
- 1086. - Maurice, what's going on?
- I'm sorry.
- 1087. We have a couple of new guys on.
We're not in sync yet.
- 1088. - We good to go?
- Yes, sir.
- 1089. I'm sorry.
- 1090. Fuck.
- 1091. Are you Ellen?
Are you Ellen Bascomb?
- 1092. Shit.
- 1093. Line, please?
- 1094. Ellen... "What?"
- 1095. Right, right. What?
- 1096. I'm to give the key to 31Y
to Ellen Bascomb.
- 1097. Yes, I'm Ellen.
- 1098. Oh, dear. It's the wrong key.
- 1099. I'll be in, in a second.
- 1100. - Did you hear that?
- 1101. - You're breaking the fourth wall.
- This is the wrong key.
- 1102. - I'm supposed to open the door.
- Hold on.
- 1103. - Are you in there?
- There's no one in there.
- 1104. - Adele?
- 1105. I don't think it's... It's not quite...
- 1106. I'm jumping in the shower.
I'll be out in a second.
- 1107. Do you want some coffee?
I can make a fresh pot.
- 1108. Did you look at the new painting
on my easel? What do you think?
- 1109. Hey, thanks for the fuck
- 1110. - People don't walk like that.
- What? Is it too...?
- 1111. No, just walk like yourself.
- 1112. Watch. Watch this.
- 1113. I gotta go.
- 1114. Watch this.
- 1115. Where's Hazel and Sammy?
- 1116. Sammy.
- 1117. Sammy. Sammy.
- 1118. - Hi, Caden.
- What are you doing?
- 1119. I was being you.
- 1120. You know, you like Hazel,
I like Hazel.
- 1121. This Hazel doesn't exist for you. If you
wanna like a Hazel, like that one.
- 1122. That's what I tried to tell him.
- 1123. No harm, no foul, Caden.
It's equity break anyway.
- 1124. Ten minutes, everybody!
- 1125. - Hazel.
- 1126. - You don't like him, do you?
- Yeah, he reminds me of you.
- 1127. I'm me. You don't need someone
to remind you of me.
- 1128. Oh, don't worry, Caden.
I like you more.
- 1129. I do. It's just, Sammy's fun.
- 1130. - I'm fun.
- Oh, sweetie, no, you're not.
- 1131. Hold on a sec. Yes?
- 1132. - Is this Caden Cotard?
- 1133. This is Officer Melnin
of Schenectady P.D.
- 1134. I'm sorry to inform you your mother's
been the victim of a home invasion.
- 1135. - What does that mean?
- She is dead.
- 1136. Was my father standing with us?
- 1137. I don't know what he looks like.
- 1138. He's dead.
- 1139. - So he looks dead, I guess.
- Probably wasn't him, then.
- 1140. He was a big guy.
- 1141. Anyway...
- 1142. Thanks for coming with me.
- 1143. That's okay.
- 1144. I asked Hazel...
- 1145. but she was busy tonight,
and you're the next best thing.
- 1146. I mean, it's not
that you're the next best thing...
- 1147. but because you play her,
it feels comforting.
- 1148. Does that make sense?
- 1149. Although the thing is,
off-stage you're nothing like her.
- 1150. But you play her very well, though.
- 1151. Did Hazel mention
what she was doing tonight?
- 1152. Because I called her house
before we left...
- 1153. and her husband told me
she wasn't gonna be back till late.
- 1154. And I just thought that was weird
because she said Phillip was sick.
- 1155. She's having dinner with Sammy.
- 1156. - That's interesting.
- He's supposed to like me.
- 1157. I'll have another talk with him.
- 1158. Will you excuse me?
I need to go to the bathroom.
- 1159. Don't forget your phone.
- 1160. Thanks, Yammy.
- 1161. It's Hazel. Leave a message or not.
It's your dime.
- 1162. You can stay in my parents' room.
- 1163. I thought someone
would have cleaned it up.
- 1164. Who?
- 1165. I don't know. Someone.
- 1166. This is my room.
You can sleep here.
- 1167. Where are you going to sleep?
- 1168. - The living-room couch.
- Don't you want to sleep with me?
- 1169. - It's just sex.
- 1170. If you think it's okay.
- 1171. - How can you be like that?
- I get undressed every day.
- 1172. In front of someone is different.
- 1173. I don't see why.
- 1174. Maybe because
you have a beautiful body.
- 1175. - Maybe that makes it easier.
- Yeah, I suppose it might.
- 1176. Do you want to fuck?
- 1177. I do. Do you?
- 1178. - Take your clothes off.
- I'm sorry.
- 1179. I'm very, very lonely.
- 1180. I don't...
- 1181. know what's wrong. I just...
- 1182. I'm sorry.
- 1183. Do you understand?
- 1184. I mean,
can you understand loneliness?
- 1185. Yeah. I mean...
- 1186. I don't know, I feel okay, mostly.
- 1187. Fucking might help.
- 1188. I'm sorry.
- 1189. It's okay, I don't mind.
Take your clothes off.
- 1190. - You're very pretty.
- 1191. Sometimes I wish
I could be pretty like that.
- 1192. What, you wish you were a girl?
- 1193. Sometimes I think
I might have been better at it.
- 1194. Interesting.
It's kind of a drag in a lot of ways.
- 1195. - Do you like guys?
- No. I only love women.
- 1196. Well, I'm getting cold.
- 1197. You're pretty, Caden.
- 1198. Thanks for saying that.
- 1199. Come to bed, pretty Caden.
- 1200. I shouldn't have drunk
so much fucking beer last night.
- 1201. - What are you gonna do about it?
- Get lunch. What are you going to do?
- 1202. - For chrissake.
- Good, Roland.
- 1203. Thanks, Caden.
- 1204. We need to fire him.
- 1205. We don't need to fire him.
- 1206. Jeremy's playing to us.
- 1207. Tell him to talk to Donna
and we'll hear what we hear.
- 1208. Sammy's explaining too much.
It feels expository.
- 1209. It needs to be shorthand, like,
- 1210. Caden, can we stop a second?
- 1211. Sure.
- 1212. If Hazel's in love with Sammy,
and Caden's in love with Hazel...
- 1213. there would be a big confrontation
where Caden turns to me and says:
- 1214. "It's obvious he's a substitute
- 1215. Then I think Hazel would have
a good moment where she cries...
- 1216. or gets angry, I'm not sure which yet,
but I think it's dramatically sound...
- 1217. - That didn't happen.
- I think Hazel would do that.
- 1218. - But Hazel hasn't done that, Tammy.
- Caden, what do you think?
- 1219. I feel like we could try it.
- 1220. - Great.
- 1221. Let's try it. Maybe it could happen
at the director's table.
- 1222. Fuck.
- 1223. You know, Tammy's right.
- 1224. I don't understand
why you're with Sammy.
- 1225. He's nice, he's available,
he fucks me without crying.
- 1226. Since when are you available?
- 1227. Derek left because of you.
- 1228. When?
How come you never told me?
- 1229. I don't know, Caden.
How come a lot of things, huh?
- 1230. Fuck. I gotta let go of the actor
who played Derek. What's his name?
- 1231. What?
That is such a romantic response.
- 1232. - I am touched.
- It's not my response.
- 1233. Derek is played by...
- 1234. We have enormous
budgetary concerns here.
- 1235. - ... Joe.
- Stop. Okay? No, just stop.
- 1236. I do not like Tammy,
and she's nothing like me.
- 1237. - How can you like her, anyway?
- She looks like you.
- 1238. - Joe Abernathy. No, she does not.
- She offered to have sex with me.
- 1239. - Abernathy?
- 1240. - Was it good?
- It was nice.
- 1241. I'm just being honest. It was nice.
It wasn't earth-shattering.
- 1242. - Did you cry?
- 1243. You're making progress.
- 1244. Okay, I cried a little before.
- 1245. Hazel, you've been a part of me
forever. Don't you know that?
- 1246. I breathe your name
in every exhalation.
- 1247. - What are we doing?
- I don't know.
- 1248. Oh, this is the place
I stayed with Derek and the kids.
- 1249. - Yeah, we're almost...
- 1250. Caden.
- 1251. - Caden. Caden, look at me.
- What are you doing?
- 1252. Sammy, stay right where you are.
I'm coming up.
- 1253. There's nothing to talk about, Hazel.
It's not your fault.
- 1254. - What are you doing?
- I've watched you forever, Caden.
- 1255. But you've never really looked
at anyone other than yourself.
- 1256. So watch me.
- 1257. Watch my heart break.
Watch me jump.
- 1258. Watch me learn
that after death there's nothing.
- 1259. No more watching,
no more following, no love.
- 1260. Say goodbye to Hazel for me.
And say it for yourself too.
- 1261. - None of us has much time.
- Sammy! Come down!
- 1262. Hazel, I love you!
- 1263. Sammy!
- 1264. I didn't jump, Sammy.
- 1265. A man stopped me before I jumped.
- 1266. I didn't jump.
- 1267. I know how to do it now.
- 1268. There are nearly 13 million people
in the world.
- 1269. I mean, can you imagine
that many people?
- 1270. And none of those people
is an extra.
- 1271. They're all leads in their own stories.
They have to be given their due.
- 1272. I know how to do it now.
- 1273. There are 13 million people
in this world.
- 1274. Can you imagine
how many people that is?
- 1275. None of those people are an extra.
They're all a lead in their own story.
- 1276. They have got to be given their due.
- 1277. Do you see what I'm saying?
- 1278. Come over tonight.
- 1279. Please.
- 1280. You know,
we could get a place together.
- 1281. - We could get a loft.
- God, Caden, that sounds nice.
- 1282. I miss my daughter.
Maybe she could come live with us.
- 1283. I miss Olive.
- 1284. And the other one.
- 1285. - I'm a bad person.
- Oh, no, you're not.
- 1286. I am. I should never have gone out
- 1287. I was just trying to get to you.
- 1288. You can't cause someone
to kill himself.
- 1289. He was very troubled.
- 1290. God, Caden.
- 1291. I wish we had this
when we were young.
- 1292. And all those years in between.
- 1293. My heart aches so much for you.
- 1294. We're here, Caden.
- 1295. - I'm here.
- I'm aching for it being over.
- 1296. Yeah. The end is built
into the beginning.
- 1297. What can you do?
- 1298. - God, you're just perfect.
- I'm a mess.
- 1299. - But we fit, don't we?
- 1300. It doesn't always happen
for me now...
- 1301. because of the medication
- 1302. - I take a lot of pills.
- It's okay.
- 1303. I'm embarrassed. I don't want you
to think it's about you or me.
- 1304. It's okay.
- 1305. I have a title.
- 1306. The Obscure Moon
Lighting an Obscure World.
- 1307. I think it might be too much.
- 1308. Yeah, probably.
- 1309. Sir, could you come up here,
- 1310. Might be smoke inhalation.
- 1311. It's Hazel. Leave a message or not.
It's your dime.
- 1312. I know how to do the play now.
- 1313. It'll all take place
over the course of one day...
- 1314. and that day
will be the day before you died.
- 1315. It was the happiest day of my life.
- 1316. And I'll be able to relive it forever.
- 1317. See you soon.
- 1318. So have you got any thoughts
for today's rehearsal?
- 1319. I have a new title, maybe.
- 1320. Infectious Diseases in Cattle.
- 1321. The title means a lot of things.
You'll see, it means a lot.
- 1322. I need a Caden for my Hazel.
- 1323. I'd very much like to play Caden.
- 1324. I know that...
- 1325. I know that it would be
- 1326. but I think I could do it.
I think I understand him.
- 1327. I don't understand him.
- 1328. Well, Caden Cotard
is a man already dead.
- 1329. He lives in a half world
between stasis and antistasis...
- 1330. and time is concentrated,
- 1331. Yet up until recently,
he's strived valiantly...
- 1332. to make sense of his situation.
- 1333. But now he's turned to stone.
- 1334. - Okay. Sounds good.
- 1335. - Thanks.
- She's right?
- 1336. I didn't see that at all.
I saw it as much more hopeful.
- 1337. None of those people is extras.
- 1338. They're all leads in their own stories.
- 1339. No, this is tedious. This is nothing.
- 1340. Hi, your scene's over.
Would you leave the stage?
- 1341. - What is she doing?
- He's directing.
- 1342. Can I get you down
at the coffin there?
- 1343. She not getting the feel of you,
- 1344. You don't move around like that.
You don't talk to people.
- 1345. Sit on the ground there.
Okay, everybody, let's run it.
- 1346. Everything is more complicated
than you think.
- 1347. You only see a tenth of what is true.
- 1348. There are a million little strings
attached to every choice you make.
- 1349. You can destroy your life
every time you choose.
- 1350. But maybe you won't know
for 20 years...
- 1351. and you may never, ever trace it
to its source.
- 1352. And you only get one chance
to play it out.
- 1353. Just try and figure out
your own divorce.
- 1354. And they say there is no fate,
but there is, it's what you create.
- 1355. And even though the world goes on
for eons and eons...
- 1356. you are only here for a fraction
of a fraction of a second.
- 1357. Most of your time is spent being dead
or not yet born.
- 1358. But while alive, you wait in vain...
- 1359. wasting years for a phone call
or a letter or a look...
- 1360. from someone or something
to make it all right.
- 1361. And it never comes, or it seems to,
but it doesn't really.
- 1362. So you spend your time
in vague regret...
- 1363. or vaguer hope
that something good will come along.
- 1364. Something
to make you feel connected.
- 1365. Something
to make you feel whole.
- 1366. Something
to make you feel loved.
- 1367. And the truth is...
- 1368. I feel so angry.
- 1369. And the truth is...
- 1370. I feel so fucking sad.
- 1371. And the truth is, I've felt
so fucking hurt for so fucking long.
- 1372. And for just as long,
I've been pretending I'm okay...
- 1373. just to get along, just for...
- 1374. I don't know why.
- 1375. Maybe because no one wants to hear
about my misery...
- 1376. because they have their own.
- 1377. Well, fuck everybody.
- 1378. - Amen.
- 1379. - Delightful.
- 1380. I'm out of ideas.
- 1381. I'm dead.
- 1382. Well, I could take over as you for a bit
until you feel refreshed.
- 1383. I think you're tired, Caden.
All these years of creative work.
- 1384. I think you just need some time
- 1385. - I need to keep my hand in.
- Well, Ellen needs to be filled.
- 1386. - What do you mean?
- Her role. Just for a bit.
- 1387. It's a choice role.
- 1388. I do like to clean.
- 1389. Ellen?
- 1390. - Yes?
- Caden asked me to give you this.
- 1391. You're to keep it in all the time.
- 1392. So touched by the sadness
of Adele's neighbor so close to death.
- 1393. Say, "Thank you,"
to Adele's neighbor.
- 1394. Thank you.
- 1395. You're very welcome, young lady.
- 1396. - Now say, "Have a very good day."
- Have a very good day.
- 1397. I will indeed.
- 1398. Reach for the toilet paper.
- 1399. Wrap some around your hand.
- 1400. Wipe yourself.
- 1401. There was supposed to be
- 1402. You were supposed
to have something, a calm.
- 1403. Love.
- 1404. Children.
- 1405. A child, at least.
- 1406. Children.
- 1407. Meaning.
- 1408. Everything okay, Eric?
- 1409. - Everything is everything.
- He hates me.
- 1410. I disappointed him,
and he hates me.
- 1411. Everyone is disappointing
when you know someone.
- 1412. I remember having that picnic
with my mother. Look at me.
- 1413. Ellen, what is it?
- 1414. I was so young.
- 1415. I'm going to remember this moment
for the rest of my life, Mama...
- 1416. and in exactly 20 years,
come here with my daughter...
- 1417. and have exactly the same picnic.
- 1418. There was so much hope.
- 1419. Baby, that the loveliest thing
I've ever heard.
- 1420. Oh, God. Sorry, Mommy. I'm sorry.
- 1421. Where is my little girl?
- 1422. Where is my little girl?
Where is my little girl?
- 1423. Look at the night table
for a note from Adele.
- 1424. Stare out the window.
- 1425. Remember the time she got you
to pose for one of her paintings?
- 1426. How she told you
how beautiful you were?
- 1427. How she made you feel pretty again
for a little while?
- 1428. Think how you'll miss her.
- 1429. Stand up.
- 1430. Now it is waiting, and nobody cares.
- 1431. And when your wait is over,
this room will still exist...
- 1432. and it will continue to hold shoes
and dresses and boxes...
- 1433. and maybe someday
another waiting person.
- 1434. And maybe not.
- 1435. The room doesn't care either.
- 1436. Hello?
- 1437. There's nobody running the elevator
- 1438. What was once before you,
an exciting and mysterious future...
- 1439. is now behind you,
lived, understood, disappointing.
- 1440. You realize you are not special.
- 1441. You have struggled into existence
and are now slipping silently out of it.
- 1442. This is everyone's experience.
Every single one.
- 1443. The specifics hardly matter.
Everyone is everyone.
- 1444. So you are Adele...
- 1445. Hazel, Claire, Olive.
- 1446. You are Ellen.
All her meager sadnesses are yours.
- 1447. All her loneliness.
The gray, straw-like hair.
- 1448. Her red, raw hands. It's yours.
- 1449. It is time for you to understand this.
- 1450. Walk.
- 1451. As the people who adore you
stop adoring you...
- 1452. as they die, as they move on...
- 1453. as you shed them, as you shed
your beauty, your youth...
- 1454. as the world forgets you,
as you recognize your transience...
- 1455. as you begin to lose
your characteristics one by one...
- 1456. as you learn
there is no one watching you...
- 1457. and there never was,
you think only about driving.
- 1458. Not coming from anyplace,
not arriving anyplace...
- 1459. just driving, counting off time.
- 1460. Now you are here. It's 7:43.
- 1461. Now you are here. It's 7:44.
- 1462. Now you are gone.
- 1463. Where is everybody?
- 1464. Mostly dead. Some have left.
- 1465. Would you sit with me for a moment?
Because I'm very tired and lonely.
- 1466. I feel like I know you.
- 1467. Well, I was the mother
in Ellen's dream.
- 1468. Yes.
- 1469. You seem a bit older
than I remember.
- 1470. That dream was quite a while ago.
- 1471. Apologize.
- 1472. I didn't mean to say you looked old.
- 1473. There's everyone's dreams
in all those apartments.
- 1474. All those thoughts I'll never know.
That's the truth of it.
- 1475. I wanted to do that picnic
with my daughter.
- 1476. I feel like
I've disappointed you terribly.
- 1477. Oh, no. I am so proud of you.
- 1478. Ask her if you can put your head
on her shoulder.
- 1479. Can I lay my head
on your shoulder?
- 1480. Yes.
- 1481. I love you.
- 1482. I love you too.
- 1483. I know how to do this play now.
- 1484. I have an idea.
- 1485. I think if everyone...
- 1486. Die.