1. No, man, I'm just saying'--
I'm sayin' if-if you ownCopy !req
2. the beach property, right...Copy !req
3. - Mm-hmm?
- do you own, like,Copy !req
4. the sand and the water?Copy !req
5. Nobody owns the water.
God owns—It's God's water.Copy !req
6. What if someone walks onto your beach, right?Copy !req
7. Let's say if you do own it.Copy !req
8. No, man, you don't own the beach.Copy !req
9. - What you own is sand on the beach, man.Copy !req
10. Here. Here, man.Copy !req
11. - What if there's a naked girl on the beach?Copy !req
12. That girl's not yours.
You don't own the girl.Copy !req
13. - What if she breaks her foot on your property?Copy !req
14. She could sue me.Copy !req
15. Sue me! Sue me!Copy !req
16. - Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- Holy shit!Copy !req
17. Ditch it, man! Ditch it!Copy !req
18. - Dude, can you eat it?
- The whole bag?Copy !req
19. Fuck it!Copy !req
20. Hey, Mike, um,
while you're at it?Copy !req
21. - Those are 'shrooms, dude!
- Come on, man, just eat it!Copy !req
22. Mike, uh...Copy !req
23. - I hate to ask, but, uh... for the team?
- I can't eat that!Copy !req
24. - No! Throw it out the window!
- Okay! Okay! Okay!Copy !req
25. All right, I'm doin' a drop.Copy !req
26. - I'm goin' for a drop.
- Just opening the window.Copy !req
27. - It's gone. It's gone.
- We're cool. It's cool.Copy !req
28. - Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
29. - We're dead!
- All right, all right.Copy !req
30. Windows down! Windows down!Copy !req
31. - Windows down!
Put the windows down!Copy !req
32. All right, we're cool.
We're cool.Copy !req
33. God, did you see that?Copy !req
34. It must have been,
like, a double homicideCopy !req
35. or something fuckin' cool.Copy !req
36. - We was freakin' out, man.
- Man, I almost had a heart attack.Copy !req
37. Mike, you didn't eat both those bags, did you?Copy !req
38. - Come and get it.Copy !req
39. You must have eaten, like,
a hundred bucks worth of pot...Copy !req
40. - and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man.Copy !req
41. Who's the man?Copy !req
42. So, I'm gonna—I'm gonna need
130 buck, you know...Copy !req
43. whenever you get a chance.Copy !req
44. - Fuck, man.
- That-That's not really cool, man.Copy !req
45. Is that the same car, man?Copy !req
46. - D-Do I look high?
- Yeah.Copy !req
47. Here they— Here they come.Copy !req
48. - Lick on it.
Just lick it or somethin'.Copy !req
49. Be cool, be cool.Copy !req
50. License and registration.Copy !req
51. Uh, Officer, I know that—Copy !req
52. License and registration, please.Copy !req
53. The regis—Copy !req
54. - You know how fast you were goin'?
- What?Copy !req
55. - How fast you were goin'?
- Uh, 65?Copy !req
56. - Sixty-three.
- Officer, isn't-isn'tCopy !req
57. the speed limit 65?Copy !req
58. Yeah, it is.Copy !req
59. - Where you boys headed?
- Canada.Copy !req
60. C-Canada. We're goin'
over the border to Canada...Copy !req
61. - for some french fries and gravy, sir.
- Poutine.Copy !req
62. Canada, huh?
Almost made it.Copy !req
63. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
64. - Yes, sir?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
65. - Now, did you say, 'Yes, sir'?
- I think he said, 'Yeah, sure.'Copy !req
66. - What'd you say, man?
- Well, I said, 'Yeah, sure,'Copy !req
67. but what, literally, I said
was, 'Yeah, sure, sir.'Copy !req
68. - So you are okay then?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
69. - You smell somethin', Rabbit?
- Fear.Copy !req
70. Now hand over that registration.Copy !req
71. Yes, sir.
My mother's gonna kill me.Copy !req
72. Holy, shit. This is—This is—This is—
Don't look. Don't look.Copy !req
73. - Oh, my God.
- I don't get it, man.Copy !req
74. - Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man?Copy !req
75. This shit is fuckin' crazy.Copy !req
76. Shit, man. I was just
about to pull out my Nine...Copy !req
77. and put a cap in that pig's ass.Copy !req
78. - Oh, fuck!Copy !req
79. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
80. Shit!Copy !req
81. Fuck!Copy !req
82. Pull the vehicle over!Copy !req
83. - I'm-I'm already pulled over, man!
- Pull over farther, man!Copy !req
84. - I can't pull over—
Sir, I'm already pulled over!Copy !req
85. He's already pulled over!Copy !req
86. He can't pull over any farther!Copy !req
87. License and registration, please.Copy !req
88. - But I-I just gave you it, Officer.
- License and registration.Copy !req
89. You know how fast you were goin'?Copy !req
90. - Uh, sixty-five?
- Sixty-three.Copy !req
91. I'm freakin' out, man.Copy !req
92. You are freakin' out, man.Copy !req
93. You want to know why I pulled you over?Copy !req
94. - Littering.
- Officer, that-that's not ours.Copy !req
95. - Candy bars!
- Littering and—Littering and—Copy !req
96. - And, uh—
- Littering and—Copy !req
97. Littering and, uh—Littering and, uh—Copy !req
98. Littering and, uh—Copy !req
99. - Littering and smoking the reefer.Copy !req
100. Now to teach you boys a lesson, Officer RabbitCopy !req
101. and I are gonna stand here...Copy !req
102. - while you three smoke the whole bag.Copy !req
103. Please, no.Copy !req
104. - Please, yes—
- Fuckin'pig!Copy !req
105. Mother of God.Copy !req
106. Whoo!Copy !req
107. We're in high-speed pursuit of a white MiataCopy !req
108. headin' southbound on 2-9-4.Copy !req
109. Unit 91, come in, 91.
Unit 91, come in, 91.Copy !req
110. What are you doing out there, 91?
Quit counting your pubes.Copy !req
111. We got a hell-raiser in a white Miata.Copy !req
112. Ninety-one, are you there?
Ninety-one?Copy !req
113. Ninety-one, are you there?Copy !req
114. Hey, good-lookin'.
You catch any speeders today?Copy !req
115. - Whoo!
- What the fuck!Copy !req
116. - Let's go, 91.Copy !req
117. Rabbit, get that gun out!Copy !req
118. Aw, Mac, you fucker!Copy !req
119. Greetings.Copy !req
120. - You guys are too slow.
- You killed my dummy.Copy !req
121. Mac, now I'm gonna pay you.
But I shouldn't, 'cause I knewCopy !req
122. it was you the whole time.Copy !req
123. Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie.Copy !req
124. It sets a bad example.Copy !req
125. - Foster, where are your shoes?
- What, are youCopy !req
126. the shoe police now?Copy !req
127. I am, and you owe me
20 laps around the bar. Let's go.Copy !req
128. - Your black magic only works on the rookie.Copy !req
129. That's brown magic.Copy !req
130. - Pay up.
- When do I get to do that?Copy !req
131. You'll get your chance,
Rook. Shots?Copy !req
132. - Yeah.
- That's a lot of booze.Copy !req
133. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- I'm impressed.Copy !req
134. Jesus!Copy !req
135. Sorry, boys, you're on duty.Copy !req
136. - On your tab, Officer Womack?
- Rookie, pay the lady.Copy !req
137. Unit 23. Come in, 23.Copy !req
138. Unit 23. Come in, 23.Copy !req
139. Do you need me out there?
Do you need my assistance?Copy !req
140. - Shut up, Farva.
- I can be there—Copy !req
141. Listen, we got the Miata.
We're okay.Copy !req
142. What about those dopers you picked up?Copy !req
143. Do you need my assistance?Copy !req
144. The snozberries taste like snozberries.Copy !req
145. - Oh, shit!
- He killed the cops!Copy !req
146. - Oh, shit!
- He killed the cops!Copy !req
147. - Get out of the car, man!
- This is a cop car!Copy !req
148. - Hello.
- You boys like Mexico?Copy !req
149. Yeeeee-hoooooo!Copy !req
150. One, two, three, do it!Copy !req
151. Oh, go, girlfriend.
I'm your mother.Copy !req
152. Come on, Thorny.
You're losing to the rookie.Copy !req
153. It's embarrassing.Copy !req
154. Come on, Rabbit.
You can do it.Copy !req
155. Oh, Rabbit, he's killing you.
I got Thorny in front by a lot.Copy !req
156. What's the matter, your mama
didn't teach you how to chug?Copy !req
157. Come on, Thorn.
Come on, Thorn.Copy !req
158. - Ohh!
- Goddamn it.Copy !req
159. I am all that is man.Copy !req
160. - Every time.
- Finish it up.Copy !req
161. See, there you have it.
You're doing it all wrong.Copy !req
162. Open your throat, relax the jaw.Copy !req
163. Don't forget to cup the balls.
You're never gonna win...Copy !req
164. with those thin little bird lips you got there.Copy !req
165. This guy's got these big old powerful lips.Copy !req
166. Am I correct, Thorn?Copy !req
167. So much of my authority is
derived from the power right here.Copy !req
168. Hey, guys.Copy !req
169. Wow.Copy !req
170. - Uh, do you have any more syrup?
- Sorry, Urs.Copy !req
171. Why couldn't they chug ketchup?Copy !req
172. It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns.Copy !req
173. I mean, if they had been chugging the ketchup.Copy !req
174. You get the score of that
Red Sox game last night?Copy !req
175. - I turned it off just after—
- Ah, waiter. There you are.Copy !req
176. I will have the enchilada platter
with two tacos and no guacamole.Copy !req
177. - Smy?
- Yeah, Chief, I'll take a chinchilla.Copy !req
178. I don't get it. Tacos?Copy !req
179. They think I'm Mexican.Copy !req
180. You're not Mexican?Copy !req
181. Another highway cop?
What, are you guys multiplying?Copy !req
182. Yeah, if they can figure
which hole to stick it in.Copy !req
183. - Ah, what the fuck?Copy !req
184. - Hey, I saw that!
- Sit down, Rando.Copy !req
185. That's it!Copy !req
186. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
All right, all right!Copy !req
187. - Cut it out, you turkeys!
- He fuckin' started it!Copy !req
188. I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys
get that syrup in them...Copy !req
189. they get a little antsy in their pantsy.Copy !req
190. You just can't keep them under control.Copy !req
191. You should keep these dogs on a leash, John.Copy !req
192. Let's go.Copy !req
193. - Hail to thee!
- Hail to thee!Copy !req
194. - Hail to thee!
- Hey, all right!Copy !req
195. Hey, what's up, bone diddlies?
Did I miss the song?Copy !req
196. Sing it again, rookie bitch.Copy !req
197. Farva.Copy !req
198. - Forgot the coffee.
- My bad, Cap.Copy !req
199. All right, all right.
Let's get started.Copy !req
200. I got the latest shit list, gentlemen.Copy !req
201. It's down to Flagstone,
Deer Lick and us.Copy !req
202. And if we keep up these low numbers,
you can bet your sweet butts...Copy !req
203. we're gonna get the big, ugly ax.Copy !req
204. - Who'll bust heads on the highway?
- The goddamn local cops!Copy !req
205. And you better believe
that Grady and his goons...Copy !req
206. have got a copy of this list,
so we need to step it up.Copy !req
207. Who wants cream?Copy !req
208. Nobody? Okay, no cream.Copy !req
209. Foster, how many tickets
did you issue last week?Copy !req
210. - Uh, I don't have my figures
here in front of me.Copy !req
211. Three.Copy !req
212. - I can't make 'em speed.
- Try hidin'.Copy !req
213. - And grow a goddamn moustache, why don't ya?Copy !req
214. I haven't shaved in two weeks.Copy !req
215. - I'm growin' mine.
- Oh, you're growin' yours, are ya?Copy !req
216. - I'll tell you when
it's time to grow a moustache.Copy !req
217. Coffee's served!Copy !req
218. Oh, no! That's Rabbit's.
That's Rabbit's.Copy !req
219. - I get it. It's Rabbit's.
- Oh, look, a bar of soap.Copy !req
220. Oh, shit!
I got you good, you fucker!Copy !req
221. - Awesome prank, Farva.
- Better than the crap you pull, Frank.Copy !req
222. - Look, fellas...
- Bite it, Rook.Copy !req
223. Make him look like a dick.Copy !req
224. every Thursday night I walk
into the Lodge to play Hearts...Copy !req
225. and they always have my
Old-Fashioned just waiting there.Copy !req
226. - I like that.
- Bite it. Bite—Copy !req
227. Oh, hell!
Give me the goddamn soap!Copy !req
228. We got 50 miles of highway.
That stretch of highway is ours.Copy !req
229. I'll be damned if I'll let
Grady and those buttheadsCopy !req
230. get their hands on it!Copy !req
231. Thorny, you're the ranking officer here.Copy !req
232. Let's do your jobs
and keep this place open, huh?Copy !req
233. Let's do it. Farva!Copy !req
234. Your suspension continues.
Hit the radio.Copy !req
235. Oh, yes.Copy !req
236. Oh. Oh, local Smokeys on our turf.Copy !req
237. - All right, hit it.Copy !req
238. See, that's what O'Hagan was talking about.Copy !req
239. Hi. You guys forget what color your car is?Copy !req
240. - Bye-bye.
- Later, dude.Copy !req
241. - Bye-bye.
- Later, dude.Copy !req
242. All right,
how about 'Cat Game'?Copy !req
243. - Cat Game?
What's, uh, what's the record?Copy !req
244. Thorny did six...Copy !req
245. - but I think you can do ten.
- Ten?Copy !req
246. - Starting right meow?Copy !req
247. - Uh, sorry about that.
- All right, meow...Copy !req
248. hand over your license and registration.Copy !req
249. - Your registration?
Hurry up meow.Copy !req
250. Oh.Copy !req
251. Sorry.Copy !req
252. - There somethin' funny here, boy?Copy !req
253. No, no, no.Copy !req
254. Well, then, why you laughing,
Mr. Larry Johnson?Copy !req
255. - All right meow, where were we?
- Are you saying 'meow'?Copy !req
256. Am I saying 'meow'?Copy !req
257. - I-I-I thought—
- Don't think, boy.Copy !req
258. Meow, do you know how fast you were going?Copy !req
259. Meow, what is so damn funny?Copy !req
260. I could have sworn you said 'meow.'Copy !req
261. Do I look like a cat to you, boy?Copy !req
262. Am I jumping around all
nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree?Copy !req
263. - No. No.
- Am I drinkin' milk from a saucer?Copy !req
264. - No.
- Do you see me eatin' mice?Copy !req
265. Now you stop laughin' right meow.Copy !req
266. Yes, sir.Copy !req
267. Meow, I'm gonna have to
give you a ticket on this one.Copy !req
268. - But—
- No 'buts' meow. That's the law.Copy !req
269. It's not so funny meow, is it?Copy !req
270. Meow!Copy !req
271. Ooo-wee-ooh!Copy !req
272. Thanks for washing my car, Rook.Copy !req
273. - You know what this is?
- A chamois cloth?Copy !req
274. Ha! Lucky guess.
I just lost a buck...Copy !req
275. to myself.Copy !req
276. - Think that's funny, do you?
- Yeah, I do.Copy !req
277. Also heard something funny
about how you got suspended.Copy !req
278. Something about a school bus full of kids?Copy !req
279. Oh, you heard that, did ya?
Let me tell you anotherCopy !req
280. funny story, New Jack.Copy !req
281. Back in '74...Copy !req
282. the great Charlie Rich was
named Country Musician of the Year.Copy !req
283. Then in '75, he had to hand
the award off to the new one.Copy !req
284. And you know who that was?Copy !req
285. Mr.'Sunshine on My Goddamn Shoulders,'Copy !req
286. John Denver.Copy !req
287. - Really?
- Yeah. Can you believe it?Copy !req
288. - Wow!
- Replaced by John Fuckin' Denver.Copy !req
289. - Amazing.
- Yeah.Copy !req
290. Well, I'll be damaged
if Mr. Rich didn't pull outCopy !req
291. his cigarette lighter...Copy !req
292. and light that award on fire
in front of everyone.Copy !req
293. Do you get it?Copy !req
294. So you're saying you'll set
my Country Music Award on fire?Copy !req
295. I'm saying when my suspension's up,
you better watch your ass.Copy !req
296. Or you'll light my ass on fire?Copy !req
297. You wanna go?
You wanna take one?Copy !req
298. Make your first move.Copy !req
299. Hey! I hate to break up the honky convention,Copy !req
300. but we got a 10-92.Copy !req
301. - You wanna take this one, Rod?Copy !req
302. Hell, yeah!Copy !req
303. I bet you do—Ohh!Copy !req
304. Nice wax job, Rook.Copy !req
305. - Thank you, sir.
- You—Copy !req
306. What the hell is this?
We got local pigs runnin' around?Copy !req
307. How'd the locals beat us here?
We're, like, ten miles out.Copy !req
308. Look at this chump.
Oh, Mr. Tough Guy here.Copy !req
309. Take a walk, buddy,
take a walk.Copy !req
310. Holy shit!
It's a cool Winnebago.Copy !req
311. - My Uncle Denny used
to have one just like this.Copy !req
312. Rabbit, put your game face on.Copy !req
313. You got it, boss.Copy !req
314. - Hey, what the fuck?
- Oh-oh!Copy !req
315. Oh, yes.Copy !req
316. - Oh, man!
What happened here?Copy !req
317. Take a walk, sonny.Copy !req
318. - This investigation is already under control.Copy !req
319. Well, now it is.Copy !req
320. - Hey!
- Don't touchCopy !req
321. the crime scene, rodent!Copy !req
322. Rabbit. Hey, look at that.
Johnny Chimpo.Copy !req
323. - Quit slappin' me.
- Would you stop touchingCopy !req
324. my rookie, Grady?Copy !req
325. - Hey, I'll touch you.Copy !req
326. This is the Spurbury Police.
Put your hands upCopy !req
327. and come outta there!Copy !req
328. Get the fuck out of here!Copy !req
329. - Glamor pet.
No dice. Get your tape.Copy !req
330. Okay. Let's cruise.Copy !req
331. - Sounds like y'all have a hog problem.Copy !req
332. Oh, watch it, Mac.Copy !req
333. Mac, I'm serious.
Be careful, Mac. He's angry.Copy !req
334. - He's angry? Well, hello.
- Hey, mark it off.Copy !req
335. - Smy, you mark it off.
- Back it up, Grady. I'm serious.Copy !req
336. What's the point? Didn't you guys
get shut down already?Copy !req
337. Oh, yeah, that's next week.Copy !req
338. Your bust. You know there's
a dead chick in there?Copy !req
339. Move it, Ramashit!Copy !req
340. - Take it up with O'Hagan!
- Fight, fight, fight!Copy !req
341. Get off of me!
Get off!Copy !req
342. I'll give you the fat guy for Foster and, uh...Copy !req
343. how about that stupid guy for Rabbit?Copy !req
344. Well, you're gonna have to be more specific.Copy !req
345. They're both kinda fat and stupid.Copy !req
346. Get these damn handcuffs off now, Ramathorn!Copy !req
347. - Cut him loose.
- Go ahead, Smy.Copy !req
348. You want to tell me what bug
crawled up your big ass, Grady?Copy !req
349. Yeah, I will tell you.
This is our crime scene.Copy !req
350. We are takin' it.Copy !req
351. - It's highway.
It's our jurisdiction.Copy !req
352. No. No.Copy !req
353. This highway is closed.
This is our jurisdiction.Copy !req
354. Aw, fuck it.
You deal with the hog.Copy !req
355. Hey, Chief.Copy !req
356. What in hell's gotten into you guys?Copy !req
357. I told you to be good.
I told you this was a bad time.Copy !req
358. But you go ahead and get into
a battle royale with the localsCopy !req
359. at a crime scene.Copy !req
360. - But they started that fight.
- Of course they started the fight.Copy !req
361. Now they've taken
a jurisdictional grievance against us.Copy !req
362. They want us to blow it.Copy !req
363. I mean,
a murder on the highway...Copy !req
364. and you give them the investigation.Copy !req
365. Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies.Copy !req
366. All right,
come on out, Rabbit.Copy !req
367. I guess I just go take a shower then, huh?Copy !req
368. Ow!Copy !req
369. Strike three!
You're out of there!Copy !req
370. All right, good cut, Ruthie.
Good cut. Come on.Copy !req
371. Next batter! Batter up!
Next batter! Let's go.Copy !req
372. But, Thorn,
if they do shut you down...Copy !req
373. maybe you could stick around here?Copy !req
374. I don't know,
get a different job?Copy !req
375. You can always come work in my shop.Copy !req
376. Yeah, retired cop goes to work
for his hippie girlfriendCopy !req
377. in her head shop. Too sitcom.Copy !req
378. Okay. You better pay
attention, Coach. Our son's up.Copy !req
379. All right, Arlo.
Watch the ball. Get a hit.Copy !req
380. You got it.Copy !req
381. - Let's do it.
- All right, Arlo.Copy !req
382. Whoa!Copy !req
383. - Hey, you gotta keep on your toes.
- Do somethin' about that, ref.Copy !req
384. Sorry-ass local cops.Copy !req
385. You think you have a nice
relationship with someone...Copy !req
386. based on professional courtesy
and mutual boredom.Copy !req
387. The next thing you know,
they're trying to take you out.Copy !req
388. What? What?Copy !req
389. I don't wanna get transferred.Copy !req
390. - Have to go be a rookie again
with a bunch of random dudes.Copy !req
391. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
392. If it happens, we'll, uh,
we'll all just stay here,Copy !req
393. open up a roller disco.Copy !req
394. Throw him the heat.
Bring it on.Copy !req
395. Uh, anybody want a corn dog?Copy !req
396. See if they got any chocolate bananas. Foster?Copy !req
397. Ohh!Copy !req
398. Hey, Charlie's Angel.Copy !req
399. Hey, congratulations.
You're the one millionthCopy !req
400. person to say that to me.Copy !req
401. - Oh. What do I win?
- Ooh. Um...Copy !req
402. Ahh. There you go.Copy !req
403. Hope I don't get brain freeze.Copy !req
404. I'm not sure you've got the required equipment.Copy !req
405. So, listen, I, um, had a really good
time at that Winnebago fight.Copy !req
406. Maybe, uh, I don't know,
we could do it again sometime.Copy !req
407. All right, all right.
Fair is fair.Copy !req
408. You can slug me back if you want to.Copy !req
409. - Really? Okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
410. Hold my snow cone.Copy !req
411. - Okay.
- Heads up!Copy !req
412. - Hey, what happened over there?Copy !req
413. What? Wh—Why?Copy !req
414. How about a little pep, hmm?Copy !req
415. From those guys over there.Copy !req
416. Assholes.Copy !req
417. You want to move that,
buddy. Now!Copy !req
418. - So, about my field time.
- Yeah, yeah. I've beenCopy !req
419. thinkin' a lot about that.Copy !req
420. I think I might be able
to talk to Grady for you.Copy !req
421. - Pink stick, eat it or lose it.
- Hey, shut your pie hole, buddy.Copy !req
422. I mean, because I'm ready to go out on patrol.Copy !req
423. I'm goin' nuts being on the radio all the time.Copy !req
424. I'd like to get some field work.Copy !req
425. Yeah? Why don't you take your radio
and go stand in a field.Copy !req
426. Move that gigantic cotton candy!Copy !req
427. Goddamn it! How's the view
from sugar heaven, bitch?Copy !req
428. Hi. I'm looking for Chief Grady.
I have some files for him.Copy !req
429. Grady's not here.
I'll take the file.Copy !req
430. - It's kind of important.
How about Officer Rando?Copy !req
431. Nope.Copy !req
432. What do you need?
I'm the only one here?Copy !req
433. There are no male officers around?Copy !req
434. Just give me the file.Copy !req
435. What's this?Copy !req
436. So you originally from Vermont or, uh, or what?Copy !req
437. You know,
you've got a lot of courage,Copy !req
438. walkin' into the lion's den.Copy !req
439. - Oh, I got brass buns.
- Mm. You should join the band.Copy !req
440. What are your cells,
eight by eight?Copy !req
441. Ours are nine by nine.
No big deal.Copy !req
442. Listen, you seem like a really nice guy,Copy !req
443. but I just don't date cops.Copy !req
444. I'm not much of a cop, really.
More like a civilianCopy !req
445. trapped in a cop's body.Copy !req
446. Oh. Well, I hear you can
get an operation for that.Copy !req
447. But then, I guess you'd miss out
on all those wacky thingsCopy !req
448. you highway guys do.Copy !req
449. Yeah, those stories about us
are mostly lies, really.Copy !req
450. Except for the one about how
we pulled over AC/DC's bus...Copy !req
451. and then they flew us down
to Jamaica to party with them;Copy !req
452. that one's true.Copy !req
453. But, yeah, other than that,
it's pretty boring out there.Copy !req
454. Yeah, well,
I wouldn't know.Copy !req
455. All right, it's probably time
for you to get out of here.Copy !req
456. - I don't want to get fired too.
- Oh, I'm not getting fired.Copy !req
457. I'm gettin' shut down.
That's a big difference.Copy !req
458. - In our cells,
the door is over here.Copy !req
459. Right.Copy !req
460. A couple of hyenas.Copy !req
461. Well, you know,
they are speeding.Copy !req
462. - Come in, Radio.
- Don't call me Radio, Unit 91.Copy !req
463. Then don't call me Unit 91, Radio.Copy !req
464. - Are you done?
- Yeah, okay, Radio.Copy !req
465. We got a suspicious vehicle.
White Caprice, Vermont plates.Copy !req
466. Tijuana-Gringo-Water-Fiver-Zero.Copy !req
467. - Roger. Checking.
- Thank you, Radio.Copy !req
468. Unit 91, that license plate belongs
to a local Spurbury police vehicle.Copy !req
469. It does? Oh, my God!Copy !req
470. - Very funny, 91.
- Thank you, Radio.Copy !req
471. Whoa! Looks like that truck's planning onCopy !req
472. skipping the weigh-in.Copy !req
473. Yeah, well, you don't weigh in,
you don't wrestle.Copy !req
474. Whoa!
What's this jack-off doin;Copy !req
475. trying to pull him over?Copy !req
476. There's no fuckin' way that is happenin'.Copy !req
477. What the hell's he doin'?
- I got somethin'.Copy !req
478. Yeah. That's right, doofus.
Move it along.Copy !req
479. You, uh, wanna do 'Repeat'?Copy !req
480. Do you wanna do 'Repeat'?Copy !req
481. No. I've been thinking a lot
about what the captain said.Copy !req
482. - I'd like to play it straight this time, okay?Copy !req
483. Okay.Copy !req
484. - For O'Hagan.
- For O'Hagan.Copy !req
485. Good morning.Copy !req
486. Would you mind stepping down from there withCopy !req
487. your license and registration?Copy !req
488. - Sure. I was just—
- Good morning.Copy !req
489. Would you mind stepping down from there withCopy !req
490. your license and registration?Copy !req
491. - Yeah. No problem.
- Excuse me one second.Copy !req
492. No.Copy !req
493. Excuse me one second.
No.Copy !req
494. Did, uh, I do something wrong, officers...Copy !req
495. because I know I wasn't speeding.Copy !req
496. - Why didn't you weigh in?
- Yeah, why didn't you weigh in?Copy !req
497. Did I miss that weigh station?Copy !req
498. They got me runnin' so many miles...Copy !req
499. I just must have dazed out and well—Copy !req
500. I'll pull into the next one
and get weighed, okay?Copy !req
501. What are you pulling back there?Copy !req
502. Well, uh,
mostly just soap, I think.Copy !req
503. Why don't we take a look?Copy !req
504. Listen, Officers, I'm on a really
tight schedule. I really need to—Copy !req
505. Let's go, Mr. Galikanokus.Copy !req
506. Well, you heard him.
Let's go, Mr...Copy !req
507. Mr. Galonukum.Copy !req
508. Hop on up.Copy !req
509. Okay-silly-dilly-dokey-o.
I'm an idiot.Copy !req
510. Yeah, that's true.Copy !req
511. Sorry about the light there.Copy !req
512. I have a flashlight in the cab.Copy !req
513. - Hey! Mr. Galikanokus!
- Whoa!Copy !req
514. Mr. Galikanokus!Copy !req
515. - We should have seen that comin'.
- We should have seen that comin'.Copy !req
516. - It is time to stop now, Mac.
- It is...Copy !req
517. time to stop now, Mac?Copy !req
518. And that was the second time I got crabs.Copy !req
519. - Awesome.
- Afternoon.Copy !req
520. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
521. It stinks like sex in here.Copy !req
522. What happened?Copy !req
523. We got a little distracted by
somebody doin' the 'Repeater.'Copy !req
524. - Huh. That'll happen.
- That will happen.Copy !req
525. Well, you did it this time.Copy !req
526. - Fishin' your car out
of Lake Leblanc right now.Copy !req
527. Oh, man.Copy !req
528. Nah, we just parked it across the street.Copy !req
529. All right, listen. Next time
this kind of thing happens...Copy !req
530. I want you to stop,
take a deep breath...Copy !req
531. - and pull your heads out of
each other's asses, would ya?Copy !req
532. Language.Copy !req
533. It's easy for you to say.
He's got a tiny little head.Copy !req
534. Yeah. What's this guy movin'?Copy !req
535. Yeah. What's this guy movin'?Copy !req
536. Soap, I think.Copy !req
537. Reefer.Copy !req
538. Whoo-hoo!
That's one stinky pyramid.Copy !req
539. We should've built a stinky igloo and climb in.Copy !req
540. - That's a lot of pot.
- Thinkin' back to your tour daysCopy !req
541. with the Dead, Rabbit?Copy !req
542. - Better lock this shit up, huh, buddy?
- What are you talkin' about?Copy !req
543. Enhance.Copy !req
544. Enhance. Enhance.Copy !req
545. Just print the damn thing!Copy !req
546. All right, what do we know
about this Galikanokus guy?Copy !req
547. It's a fake name,
fake license.Copy !req
548. - Bunty Soap?
- Fake soap company.Copy !req
549. - What, plastic fake?
Decorative fake? What?Copy !req
550. No, like they don't exist.Copy !req
551. So, we got 150 kilos
of marijuana and no arrests.Copy !req
552. We got nothin'.Copy !req
553. I got a theory, Cap.Copy !req
554. These, uh, bales of pot,
they have that red Johnny ChimpoCopy !req
555. sticker on them.Copy !req
556. And that dead woman
in the Winnebago had the sameCopy !req
557. logo tattooed on her back.Copy !req
558. See, a lot of drug dealers
use stickers to mark theirCopy !req
559. products. Like a brand name.Copy !req
560. See! Where'd you learn that,
Cheech? Drug school?Copy !req
561. Shut up, Farva.Copy !req
562. Did that bag you pulled off those
college kids have that sticker?Copy !req
563. Um...Copy !req
564. I don't believe it did.Copy !req
565. - Was there any marijuana on that Winnebago?Copy !req
566. Nope.Copy !req
567. A monkey tattoo.
Sounds kinda flimsy.Copy !req
568. What's the significance
of this John Chimpo fella?Copy !req
569. Uh, well, you know those really
cheap Japanese cartoons?Copy !req
570. No? This is basically
a cheaper Afghani knockoff.Copy !req
571. It's this monkey that basically
travels around the world...Copy !req
572. uh, doing nasty things.Copy !req
573. His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh—Copy !req
574. No.Copy !req
575. It's really funny, Cap.
It's Afghanistanimation.Copy !req
576. The monkey has a butler?
Great.Copy !req
577. - Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?Copy !req
578. How the hell should I know?Copy !req
579. All right. Somebody get me
a VTR copy of this thing.Copy !req
580. I'll talk to Grady, see if he'll let
us take a look at the Winnebago.Copy !req
581. All right.
You ready for the photo shoot?Copy !req
582. Okay, fellas, let's take it.Copy !req
583. - Pull down your pants.
- Shut up, Farva, you idiot.Copy !req
584. Come on, do it.Copy !req
585. - John. I'm not interrupting, am I?Copy !req
586. Mad Timber!Copy !req
587. - No. Come in, come in.
- Good work, gentlemen,Copy !req
588. all the way around.Copy !req
589. - Could I get in on that?
- Sure. Why not?Copy !req
590. - Excuse me. Good work.
Good work, Officer.Copy !req
591. Hey.Copy !req
592. You're gonna have a hard time
shutting us down now,Copy !req
593. right, Mr. Mayor?Copy !req
594. We got a murder one day,
a drug bust the next.Copy !req
595. I'm thinkin' we need
as much police as we can get.Copy !req
596. - That'd be a good slogan, wouldn't it?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
597. Tell that to the budget committee.Copy !req
598. I just got off the phone
with Governor Jessman...Copy !req
599. and she's gonna be swinging through hereCopy !req
600. on her way to Burlington.Copy !req
601. Give me a gun, huh,
to hold for the pictures.Copy !req
602. - Rabbit, run. Gun.
- And, John...Copy !req
603. as far as this brawling with
the local police is concerned—Copy !req
604. It won't happen again, Bill.
I'm onto it.Copy !req
605. Good.Copy !req
606. 'Cause when the governor
shows up, I'm gonna throw herCopy !req
607. a little party.Copy !req
608. We're gonna let her know
just how this community feelsCopy !req
609. about its law enforcement.Copy !req
610. Spread it on!Copy !req
611. Come on, Dad!
Faster! Faster!Copy !req
612. - So what's the deal with you and Bobbi?Copy !req
613. Come on, Dad!Copy !req
614. You guys are goin' out, but you,
um, sleep with other people?Copy !req
615. Well, I mean, yeah.
Not really. Kind of.Copy !req
616. It's sort of a long story,
all right?Copy !req
617. Well—Hey, Arlo, does Mom
ever have any friends over?Copy !req
618. - Any older boys?
- Can't we turn the siren on?Copy !req
619. In a minute, all right?
Are you listening?Copy !req
620. - Does she have anyone over
that maybe you call uncle?Copy !req
621. Like Uncle Fred?Copy !req
622. Uncle Fred?
Who's Uncle Fred?Copy !req
623. He's this crazy bird on TV.Copy !req
624. - He's crazy.
He flies around like a pigeon.Copy !req
625. Oh, right.Copy !req
626. Uncle Freddy, he's great.
He's a crazy bird.Copy !req
627. Okay.Copy !req
628. We got one.Copy !req
629. You wanna take this one, kid?Copy !req
630. - What about you?
- I gotta stay with little 'A.'Copy !req
631. - You're okay, right?
- Sure.Copy !req
632. - Go on. Make mama proud.
- All right.Copy !req
633. Yeah, Farva, I got a Porsche,
brown, Washington plates—Copy !req
634. - Eight-Donna-Peanut-Eunuch.
- Roger. Checking.Copy !req
635. - Kill it.Copy !req
636. Can I please see your license and registra—Copy !req
637. I'm sorry, Officer,
for the speeding violation.Copy !req
638. I am so used to driving on the Autobahn.Copy !req
639. Uh—What?Copy !req
640. Sean Cassidy.Copy !req
641. Yummy, yummy.Copy !req
642. - Nicht?Copy !req
643. - Do you know why I pulled you over?Copy !req
644. We were driving way too fast.Copy !req
645. - Ja.
- Ja.Copy !req
646. Officer,
this is a major problem...Copy !req
647. because I cannot afford another
ticket with mein Porsche.Copy !req
648. Is there maybe something I can do for you, hmm?Copy !req
649. Or maybe my wife...Copy !req
650. could do for you to avoid this dilemma?Copy !req
651. Is there maybe something
you would like me to do to you?Copy !req
652. Or maybe something you would
like to do to me? Hmm?Copy !req
653. Uh, 'cause you were doing 90 in a 65.Copy !req
654. Perhaps some spanking or cuffing is in order.Copy !req
655. Could you hold on a minute?
Just a minute. I'll be right back.Copy !req
656. - Twenty-three, that Porsche is hot.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
657. Rabbit?Copy !req
658. - Please, Thorn, not now. No.
- He can join too, if you like?Copy !req
659. - Get over here.
- Tickle, tickle.Copy !req
660. - Ja.
- Hold on a second.Copy !req
661. Just one second, huh?Copy !req
662. - What?
- Farva said that car is stolen.Copy !req
663. What? Stolen?Copy !req
664. - Shit!
- Is there a problem, officers?Copy !req
665. Hold on! Come on, Thorn,
I need this.Copy !req
666. Look, kid, any other day,
I'd step in hereCopy !req
667. and show you how to swing.Copy !req
668. But the car's stolen.Copy !req
669. Goddamn it!Copy !req
670. You got to get over there
and you got to cuff her.Copy !req
671. - Do it!
You're a highway patrolman.Copy !req
672. Cut it out! Do it.Copy !req
673. - Now turn that off
and step out of the car, sir.Copy !req
674. - This is no problem, hmm?
- Put your hands on the carCopy !req
675. and spread 'em.Copy !req
676. - Ah, now some fun for both of us.
- Get back in the car!Copy !req
677. Rabbit, get over there and cuff her.Copy !req
678. - Up against the car.
- Ma'am, I hate to do thisCopy !req
679. to you, but would you—Copy !req
680. - would you please put
your hands behind your back?Copy !req
681. Now things are getting kinky.Copy !req
682. Arlo!Copy !req
683. I love your—
- I'm on the radio.Copy !req
684. Come in, Farva.Copy !req
685. Arlo! Rabbit! Let's go!Copy !req
686. Climb up on Uncle Rabbit's lap, Arlo, okay?Copy !req
687. - I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorn.Copy !req
688. Uh, right.Copy !req
689. Okay, why don't you just
sit in the middle, buddy?Copy !req
690. Ursula, what the fuck?
There's no T.P. in the bathroom.Copy !req
691. - What about the piece stuck to your shoe?Copy !req
692. What about that piece?Copy !req
693. Shit!Copy !req
694. You know, you might get ahead around hereCopy !req
695. if you made the extra effort.Copy !req
696. - Do you want me to wipe your ass?Copy !req
697. That's not what I—Copy !req
698. Well, around my house,
my wife knows to refill the T.P.Copy !req
699. - I'm not your wife, Smy.
- No. And if you were, I'd takeCopy !req
700. you down a peg or two.Copy !req
701. Ooh.Copy !req
702. Hi, douche bag.Copy !req
703. - You know, if you were my wife...Copy !req
704. I'd massage your feet every
night until you fell asleep.Copy !req
705. Nice try.Copy !req
706. He strangles her and puts her face in pig food?Copy !req
707. What an asshole.
Got any I.D. on the corpse?Copy !req
708. Yeah.'Jane Doe.' Do you know her?Copy !req
709. Oh, we're working on it.Copy !req
710. It's called routine police work.Copy !req
711. Apparently,
she had a cartoon monkeyCopy !req
712. tattooed on her back.Copy !req
713. John Chimpo, I'm told.Copy !req
714. And those cannabis bags in our truck...Copy !req
715. those stickers had the same monkey logo.Copy !req
716. So we think there might be
some kind of connection.Copy !req
717. Are you suggesting that a cartoon monkey isCopy !req
718. bringing drugs into our town?Copy !req
719. - Look, I know we don't like each other.Copy !req
720. I like you.Copy !req
721. Come on! I'm looking
for a little cooperation here.Copy !req
722. John Chimpo.Copy !req
723. Hanson, could you round up,
uh, Johnny Chimpo...Copy !req
724. and, uh, Jerry Giraffe and Arty the AlligatorCopy !req
725. and bring them in for a lineup.Copy !req
726. - Thanks, sweetie.
- Sounds like they're having fun.Copy !req
727. That's what happens when you start hanging outCopy !req
728. with a state trooper.Copy !req
729. We show you the funny.Copy !req
730. Well, where were we?Copy !req
731. Uh, you were laying your best rap on meCopy !req
732. and I was resisting.Copy !req
733. - But you were starting to think about it.Copy !req
734. - I told you.
I don't touch highway hog.Copy !req
735. Baby, I'm Sizzle Lean.Copy !req
736. I scratched your back, Bruce.
I scratched it good and hard.Copy !req
737. Now, either you scratch my back
or you're gonna get my size tenCopy !req
738. boot up your ass!Copy !req
739. Desperation is a stinky cologne, John.Copy !req
740. Let's see. You are an expendable
line item on a state spending bill.Copy !req
741. You have a station full of crappy cops.Copy !req
742. I am about this far away
from having a bigger budget.Copy !req
743. And now, you come in here talking about...Copy !req
744. monkey tattoos on some
drunk lady's tit like it'sCopy !req
745. a goddamn drug conspiracy.Copy !req
746. Keep your bags packed, John.
Let us handle the realCopy !req
747. police work, huh?Copy !req
748. Uh, John, when you do
get shut down, you come back,Copy !req
749. talk to me.Copy !req
750. I can always use a good meter maid.Copy !req
751. Let it roll.Copy !req
752. Come and get me, Mac.Copy !req
753. - See you later, sucker!
- Ohh! Ohh! Fuck!Copy !req
754. Can't catch the Rabbit.Copy !req
755. - Damn it!
- Out of the car!Copy !req
756. Out of the car, scumbag!Copy !req
757. Well, hello, Shirley.Copy !req
758. - Come on, Farva, man.
Same team. Same team.Copy !req
759. What's Thorny going to say, Rook?Copy !req
760. Honestly, Bobbi.
I think it's gonna happen.Copy !req
761. We don't want to leave.
We really like this town.Copy !req
762. I'll probably just get
sent down to Brattleboro.Copy !req
763. It's a nice town.Copy !req
764. I don't think it's
a healthy time for him to move.Copy !req
765. He's got a lot of real good friends here.Copy !req
766. Who? That creepy kid with the lisp?Copy !req
767. Hey. Stop jumping on the bed.Copy !req
768. Look, I don't want to go without you.Copy !req
769. - Then you should stay here.
- But I can't if they transfer me.Copy !req
770. Hey, stop jumping on the bed.Copy !req
771. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.Copy !req
772. Hey, honey, it's almost Mitternacht, huh?Copy !req
773. Uhh. We really should
be getting back to the jail.Copy !req
774. - You don't want us turning into pumpkins.Copy !req
775. Thorn, can't they just stay a little longer?Copy !req
776. All right.
Who wants a mustache ride?Copy !req
777. - I want one. I want one!
- I do! I do! I do!Copy !req
778. - Spurbury Police.
- Oh, thank the Lord.Copy !req
779. Thank the Lord. It's terrible.Copy !req
780. Oh, there's a disgusting
pervert flashing people.Copy !req
781. Ma'am, I need you to calm down.Copy !req
782. I can't calm down!
You calm down! Oh, my God!Copy !req
783. - Ma'am, tell me your location.
- He's right in front of the building...Copy !req
784. on 323, uh, Karuna Street.Copy !req
785. - That's this address, ma'am.
- Oh, well, then,Copy !req
786. maybe you can see him.Copy !req
787. He's right in front of the building.
Go look. I'll hold.Copy !req
788. Whoo-aaah!Copy !req
789. Did you see him?
Oh, he's disgusting.Copy !req
790. - He certainly is, ma'am.
- Oh, I think he's goingCopy !req
791. to the window again.Copy !req
792. Whoo-ooo-ooo!Copy !req
793. Oh, the humanity!
He's so bulgy. He's like a moose.Copy !req
794. Oh, no! I think he's going back again.Copy !req
795. Freeze, motherfucker!Copy !req
796. Oh, God! Please don't shoot me. I-I'm naked.Copy !req
797. Drop your coat and grab your toes.Copy !req
798. - What?
- I'm gonna show youCopy !req
799. where the wild goose goes.Copy !req
800. Oh, this isn't happening.
I-I-I'm a police officer. Ursula, help!Copy !req
801. Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread.Copy !req
802. You don't have these at your station?Copy !req
803. I don't suppose you got a pair of freshCopy !req
804. underwear I could borrow?Copy !req
805. I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.Copy !req
806. You know, you can't tell anybody about this.Copy !req
807. - I already told my mom about you.Copy !req
808. - Shit!
- Baby, you rocked me.Copy !req
809. Wow! What is this?Copy !req
810. - Rabbit, you're off the road!
Shut up, Farva!Copy !req
811. It's a good move, Cap.Copy !req
812. Rabbit, you're on radio.
Farva, you're ridin' with Thorny.Copy !req
813. - Wait a minute—
- What do you want meCopy !req
814. to do about it?Copy !req
815. My hands are tied!
It's all over the police band!Copy !req
816. Rabbit, you couldn't have picked a worst time!Copy !req
817. I got a Q-17 request form today.Copy !req
818. We have to inventory our equipment.Copy !req
819. Which means our balls are
this close to the band saw.Copy !req
820. What are you sellin',
Mac, hot dogs?Copy !req
821. - There's a new billboard.
- Casino le Fantastique?Copy !req
822. Let me guess.Copy !req
823. You just humped the mayor's wife
and burnt down City Hall.Copy !req
824. I'll do you one better,
Captain.Copy !req
825. So I'm walkin' down
by the local police station,Copy !req
826. minding my own business.Copy !req
827. But there's something funny in the air.Copy !req
828. I feel like I just gotta
get into that Winnebago.Copy !req
829. - So after I jimmy the door,
I do a quick recon.Copy !req
830. Bullshit.Copy !req
831. I can see there's something
not right about that bed.Copy !req
832. - So I busted it in.
- Bullshit.Copy !req
833. And just sittin' there
were ten huge duffel bagsCopy !req
834. of these mothers.Copy !req
835. Let me get this straight.
You went into the impound,Copy !req
836. scaled the fence...Copy !req
837. broke into the Winnebago and smashed the bed,Copy !req
838. all on a hunch?Copy !req
839. I'll believe that when me shit
turns purple and smells likeCopy !req
840. rainbow sherbet.Copy !req
841. What? Do you think I just grew this weed?Copy !req
842. How could you know to look underneath the bed?Copy !req
843. It must have been my sixth—
or even my seventh sense.Copy !req
844. You know, Rabbit,
a good cop doesn't reallyCopy !req
845. know why he does anything.Copy !req
846. - Disregard that, Rabbit.
- And you didn't even thinkCopy !req
847. to call in your partner?Copy !req
848. So these local mothers have got a hundred keysCopy !req
849. of chiba and don't know it?Copy !req
850. Not a clue.
It's totally hidden.Copy !req
851. And Grady's walkin' around like he's hot soup.Copy !req
852. All right, we got a chance here.Copy !req
853. But we got to beat these guys to the punch.Copy !req
854. Mac, you and Foster
check out the truck stops...Copy !req
855. and find out what you can
about Galikanokus and Bunty Soap.Copy !req
856. I'll talk to Grady and play a little hardball.Copy !req
857. Thorny, I'm takin' a hard line.Copy !req
858. You got to promise me no more bullshit.Copy !req
859. Cap, you know I'm cool,
but I can take no responsibilityCopy !req
860. for these white devils.Copy !req
861. Well, you're gonna have to.Copy !req
862. Now, Rodney, we're under
a lot of pressure here.Copy !req
863. Remember what we talked about.
If anything happens...Copy !req
864. count to ten,
take some deep breaths.Copy !req
865. Ten deep breaths.
I got it, Cap.Copy !req
866. Foster, you're on duty.Copy !req
867. Trust me, skipper,
we'll make you proud.Copy !req
868. You are awesome.Copy !req
869. - You are incredible.
You are a fantastic cop.Copy !req
870. Keep goin'.Copy !req
871. Uh, and then somebody said,
I think it was O'Hagan, said, um...Copy !req
872. - 'Foster,
you deserve a promotion.'Copy !req
873. Hmm. I think you get a star.Copy !req
874. Mm. Foster? Wait.
I don't know if this is gonna work.Copy !req
875. - This steering wheel is jabbing my ass.Copy !req
876. Oh, right.Copy !req
877. Ow! Okay.Copy !req
878. In New York City, a guy
could pay ten bucks to watchCopy !req
879. two cops have sex in a cage.Copy !req
880. Yeah?Copy !req
881. Oh.Copy !req
882. - Foster?
- Yeah?Copy !req
883. In our cruisers,
somebody has to let you outCopy !req
884. of the back seat.Copy !req
885. Oh, fuck it!Copy !req
886. Do we look like the two dumbest guysCopy !req
887. in the world to you?Copy !req
888. Is that why you choose to treat usCopy !req
889. with such disrespect?Copy !req
890. Look, all I'm sayin', man,
is switch partners. It'll be fun.Copy !req
891. - I don't think so.
- Come on, mix it up a bit.Copy !req
892. Mm, no fuckin' way.Copy !req
893. Come on, Mac,
you know you're always sayin'Copy !req
894. how funny Foster smells.Copy !req
895. - Oh, look out for Thorny,
master of psychology.Copy !req
896. Do I really smell?Copy !req
897. All right, assholes,
quit talkin' about me.Copy !req
898. Lock and load, Ramathorn.
Let's kick some tail.Copy !req
899. - We weren't talkin' about you,
you big idiot.Copy !req
900. Bullshit.Copy !req
901. - Truck stop, huh?
- We gotta do it.Copy !req
902. But the captain didn't say anythingCopy !req
903. about going undercover.Copy !req
904. Do you think they're gonna tell us anythingCopy !req
905. if they know we're cops?Copy !req
906. Get a job, man!
Look, you're fuckin' super cop.Copy !req
907. You should know this.Copy !req
908. - I am super.
- Plus, we can't take our car...Copy !req
909. until they replace the door you,
for no reason whatsoever,Copy !req
910. removed last night.Copy !req
911. I told you it was those kids with the wrenches.Copy !req
912. Ah, yes, those ballsy little punks
who took your car door off...Copy !req
913. while you were sittin' in the damn thing.Copy !req
914. I told you I was in a very deep sleep.Copy !req
915. Yeah. You wanna tell that to O'Hagan? MaybeCopy !req
916. we can borrow his car today.Copy !req
917. Do you even know how to drive this thing?Copy !req
918. Shit! This rig sucks!Copy !req
919. Aha!Copy !req
920. Uh, who knew it was a stick?Copy !req
921. How about we, uh,
pop a couple of Viagra...Copy !req
922. and issue tickets
with raging, mega-huge boners?Copy !req
923. Only you, Farva,
can make a dark man blush.Copy !req
924. - And, no, we're not doin' it.
- Ah, hell.Copy !req
925. - Hey, I came up with a great name for our car.Copy !req
926. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
927. Get this.
You're Arcot Ramathorn—Ram—Copy !req
928. and I'm Rod Farva—Rod; car Ramrod.Copy !req
929. Car Ramrod. You get it?Copy !req
930. Yeah, I got it.Copy !req
931. - Rabbit, I got a Plymouth Voyager...Copy !req
932. Say 'Car Ramrod.'Copy !req
933. - Say 'Car Ramrod.'
- Vermont plates—Hold on.Copy !req
934. Vermont plates—Alpha...Copy !req
935. God-Mustard- One-Niner-Decade-China.Copy !req
936. - Check it.
Roger, 23.Copy !req
937. - You didn't say it.
I wrote it on the paper.Copy !req
938. Oh, I forgot.Copy !req
939. - Oh, yeah.
- Come on, Ramathorn,Copy !req
940. what game are we playin'?Copy !req
941. - What? No games.
- Don't bullshit me.Copy !req
942. Let's play one of those games
I keep hearin' about.Copy !req
943. You know, Mac and Foster...Copy !req
944. did that thing, you know,
with the 'who can sayCopy !req
945. pussy the most.'Copy !req
946. You know, actually,
Mac bet Foster he couldn'tCopy !req
947. say 'meow' ten times.Copy !req
948. To the driver.Copy !req
949. - I realize that doesn't
sound funny as I described—Copy !req
950. Who can say 'meow' the most?Copy !req
951. You guys are real crazy.Copy !req
952. Hey, look out for these guys!Copy !req
953. Hell, I can say 'meow.' I can say 'moo.'Copy !req
954. For 20 bucks, I'll call the guy
a chicken-fucker.Copy !req
955. Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod.
Easy, Rod. Easy, Rod.Copy !req
956. License and registration...
chicken-fucker! Brawwk!Copy !req
957. - Bruce? John O'Hagan.
- John!Copy !req
958. I'm glad you called. Listen. I have
Bobby the Baboon in lockup...Copy !req
959. and he says that for twenty bananas he'llCopy !req
960. provide evidence...Copy !req
961. Johnny Chimpo is the pimp
in charge of the CartoonCopy !req
962. Network whorehouse.Copy !req
963. Look, I'm done dickin' around.
We got new evidenceCopy !req
964. on your murder.Copy !req
965. Who? Galikanokus?
You know where he is?Copy !req
966. - No, we don't know where he is, but—Copy !req
967. Then I don't see how you can
possibly help us, then.Copy !req
968. Okay. This is my last offer.Copy !req
969. Either you let us in on this investigation...Copy !req
970. or I'm gonna embarrass you personally.Copy !req
971. Oh, how embarrassed?Copy !req
972. Like, naked in a dream embarrassed?Copy !req
973. No, no. Embarrassed like back
in '77, when you got caughtCopy !req
974. fuckin' your cousin embarrassed.Copy !req
975. She's not my cousin.Copy !req
976. Welcome to Dimpus.
Can I take your order?Copy !req
977. Give me a, uh,
double bacon cheeseburger.Copy !req
978. Double baco cheeseburger.
It's for a cop.Copy !req
979. Roger.
- What the hell's that all about?Copy !req
980. - He gonna spit in it now?
- No, I was just tellin' himCopy !req
981. that so he makes it good.Copy !req
982. Don't spit in that cop's burger.Copy !req
983. - Yeah. Thanks.
- Roger. Hold the spit.Copy !req
984. Give me a, uh, pie.
Apple.Copy !req
985. Do you want me to hold the spit?Copy !req
986. Just kidding,
Officer... Farva.Copy !req
987. So, do you want to 'Dimpisize' your mealCopy !req
988. for a quarter more?Copy !req
989. Want me to 'punchisize' your face for free?Copy !req
990. Some male figure?
I'm his dad. And stop withCopy !req
991. the whole transfer thing.Copy !req
992. Oh, Christ.Copy !req
993. You know what?
I gotta go. Let's talkCopy !req
994. about this later, okay?Copy !req
995. - Okay. Bye.Copy !req
996. - Now don't give me any lip.
- It's just a quarter, andCopy !req
997. look how much more you get.Copy !req
998. - I said no!
- It's just 25 cents.Copy !req
999. - Hey, listen, guy.
He doesn't want it.Copy !req
1000. I can handle this, Ramathorn.Copy !req
1001. - I don't want it!
- Right. Uh, beverage?Copy !req
1002. Gimme a, uh, liter of cola.Copy !req
1003. - A what?
- A liter of cola!Copy !req
1004. 'Leederacola.' Do we make leederacola?Copy !req
1005. Will you just order a large, Farva?Copy !req
1006. I don't want a large Farva.
I want a goddamn liter of cola!Copy !req
1007. - I don't know what that is!
- Liter is French...Copy !req
1008. for'give me some fuckin' cola before I breakCopy !req
1009. both fuckin' lips.'Copy !req
1010. All right, all right.
Relax!Copy !req
1011. - That look like spit to you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1012. - That look like spit to you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1013. Ah, fuck it.Copy !req
1014. Mm. I feel like a real cop again.Copy !req
1015. Well, I wouldn't get
used to it, 'cause you knowCopy !req
1016. it's not gonna last.Copy !req
1017. - Bullshit.
I'm not goin' anywhere.Copy !req
1018. All right, buddy.Copy !req
1019. We're about to get shut down anyway.Copy !req
1020. Oh, yeah?
That's a lot of'Dimp.'Copy !req
1021. - What do you do if you get transferred?Copy !req
1022. I don't know.Copy !req
1023. Bobbi doesn't want to leave, and...Copy !req
1024. I don't want to leave her and Arlo, so—Copy !req
1025. Yeah, I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do.Copy !req
1026. Who gives a shit?
I'm about to win ten millionCopy !req
1027. bucks anyway, right?Copy !req
1028. Are ya? What are you going to do
with that ten million bucks?Copy !req
1029. And you can't say,
'Buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.'Copy !req
1030. - I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.Copy !req
1031. Ah, good investment.Copy !req
1032. - But I'd pull you over.
- Bullshit. You could never catch me.Copy !req
1033. - Oh, I could never catch you?
- If you did, I'd activate myCopy !req
1034. car's wings, and fly away.Copy !req
1035. I got a good feelin' about this.Copy !req
1036. Damn it, you burger punk!Copy !req
1037. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
1038. - Aah!Copy !req
1039. Yeah, Burger Boy!Copy !req
1040. All right, all right, all right.Copy !req
1041. Cut it out, you guys.
Knock it off.Copy !req
1042. Clear out of here.
All of you.Copy !req
1043. I'm sorry about the delousing, Rod.Copy !req
1044. Standard procedure.Copy !req
1045. - It's powdered sugar.
- The lice hate the sugar.Copy !req
1046. - Listen, Rod—
- It's delicious.Copy !req
1047. Uh, good. Good.Copy !req
1048. Say, Rod, what are your plans
after the shutdown?Copy !req
1049. We're not gettin' shut down,
Grady. We're drug busters.Copy !req
1050. Maybe they're drug busters,
but you're dispatch.Copy !req
1051. - Nuh-uh.
I'm back on the road, now.Copy !req
1052. Until this little incident.Copy !req
1053. Listen, Rod.Copy !req
1054. This whole murder thing,
we've been tryin' real hardCopy !req
1055. to break it open...Copy !req
1056. but O'Hagan just will not
cooperate with the evidence.Copy !req
1057. Now I've spoken to the governor myself.Copy !req
1058. She is gonna shut your station down, son.Copy !req
1059. It's gonna happen.Copy !req
1060. Now, I'm gonna have a bigger budget then,Copy !req
1061. and I could really use...Copy !req
1062. a good local officer like yourself.Copy !req
1063. - Could I go now?
- You could have your own car.Copy !req
1064. Work on exciting cases.
Hey, we could even chaseCopy !req
1065. drug dealers together.Copy !req
1066. Now, the thing is, Rod...Copy !req
1067. I really need to know about
your side of the investigation.Copy !req
1068. O'Hagan's making all kinds of threats, and—Copy !req
1069. Can we make a deal?Copy !req
1070. I'm all highway.Copy !req
1071. Let him loose.Copy !req
1072. Sorry about that, bro.Copy !req
1073. Hey, Charlie's Angel.Copy !req
1074. - What's up?
- Guys.Copy !req
1075. Hey.Copy !req
1076. Well, we got about, uh,
twenty desk lamps.Copy !req
1077. - Farva went schizoid.
- That's good.Copy !req
1078. - How did the undercover thing go?Copy !req
1079. Well, not so good.Copy !req
1080. - Turns out, this guy can't drive a semi.Copy !req
1081. Yeah.Copy !req
1082. You guys watch that Johnny Chimpo thing?Copy !req
1083. - Funny, but nothin' there.
- Mm. Maybe you missed something.Copy !req
1084. Mm, trust me, bro.
There's nothing there.Copy !req
1085. Maybe we should take another look.Copy !req
1086. - That's it, you're off the road. Never again.Copy !req
1087. Sir, no.Copy !req
1088. - It was not my fault.
- Neither was the goddamnCopy !req
1089. school bus.Copy !req
1090. You know, there was a time
we'd take a guy like youCopy !req
1091. out back and beat you.Copy !req
1092. - Now you got your goddamn unions.Copy !req
1093. I'm not a pro-union guy.Copy !req
1094. - And you're banned from Dimpus Burger.Copy !req
1095. Damn it!Copy !req
1096. Get some rubber gloves.
From now on,Copy !req
1097. you're my cleaning lady.Copy !req
1098. Beat it!Copy !req
1099. Well, the butler is basically
saying to Johannes Chimpo...Copy !req
1100. 'Don't let the Great Satan tempt
you with the Western culture.Copy !req
1101. You must remain true to the Taliban warlord.'Copy !req
1102. - Cool beans.Copy !req
1103. So, um, Galikanokus is not the butler?Copy !req
1104. Well, possibly. But this is,
uh, quite brilliant, really.Copy !req
1105. And so, Captain, you think
there might be some connectionCopy !req
1106. with the smugglers?Copy !req
1107. Rabbit, get this meatball out of here.Copy !req
1108. You got it, Captain.
Come on, meatball.Copy !req
1109. We should probably do that.Copy !req
1110. Back in the cage with your beautiful wife, huh?Copy !req
1111. - What did you find out at the weigh station?Copy !req
1112. My cruiser weighs 16,000 kg.Copy !req
1113. I just got off the phone with Tom McCardle fromCopy !req
1114. the budget committee.Copy !req
1115. - This thing with Farva screwed our pooch.Copy !req
1116. What?Copy !req
1117. They can't lump us in
with that fuckin' Martian.Copy !req
1118. - We're all in the same boat.
- But our shenanigans areCopy !req
1119. cheeky and fun.Copy !req
1120. Yeah. His shenanigans are cruel and tragic.Copy !req
1121. - Which makes them not
shenanigans at all, really.Copy !req
1122. Evil shenanigans.Copy !req
1123. I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guyCopy !req
1124. that says, 'shenanigans.'Copy !req
1125. Hey, Farva!Copy !req
1126. What's the name of that
restaurant you like, withCopy !req
1127. all the goofy shit on the walls...Copy !req
1128. - and the mozzarella sticks?
- You mean Shenanigans?Copy !req
1129. - No! Oh!
- You're talking aboutCopy !req
1130. Shenanigans, right?Copy !req
1131. Put those away!Copy !req
1132. - Hey, Rabbit.
- Yeah, I know.'You gotCopy !req
1133. beautiful, big brown lips.'Copy !req
1134. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1135. Have your fun, boys.
Have your fun.Copy !req
1136. 'Cause I'm gonna start
looking for for a new job.Copy !req
1137. Hey! Urs! Ha!Copy !req
1138. - Hi.
- Hi. Sorry I'm late.Copy !req
1139. - The mayor came down today.Copy !req
1140. Ah, biker! I'm an idiot.Copy !req
1141. Boy, you guys just keep
shooting yourselves in the foot.Copy !req
1142. - Heard you got to see Farva naked.
- Yeah, it was hard to miss.Copy !req
1143. So, Grady thinks he's
got you guys by the balls.Copy !req
1144. Yeah. How do you feel about
long-distance relationships?Copy !req
1145. Think I'm getting sent to Deer Lick.Copy !req
1146. Well, I've been thinking about this.Copy !req
1147. I think I might have an idea.Copy !req
1148. The governor comes to town on
Saturday for that big thing, right?Copy !req
1149. She's gonna make a big speech
about drugs and law enforcement...Copy !req
1150. - and all of that because of your bust.Copy !req
1151. She's gonna shut us down.Copy !req
1152. No! Not if you give her more.Copy !req
1153. Get the reefer out of the Winnebago and give itCopy !req
1154. to her during the party.Copy !req
1155. - Make a big show of it.
- With all that media there,Copy !req
1156. she would love us for it.Copy !req
1157. - No way she'll shut you down.
- That reefer's lockedCopy !req
1158. in the Winnebago...Copy !req
1159. which is locked in your impound,
which is guarded by assholes.Copy !req
1160. All right.
Here's what I'll need.Copy !req
1161. Five ski masks, a case
of smoke bombs—the good ones—Copy !req
1162. - and banana peels, lots of banana—
- Foster?Copy !req
1163. - How about if I just help you get in?Copy !req
1164. You would do that for me?Copy !req
1165. Yeah. What the hell.
We'll work together.Copy !req
1166. - Like Cagney and Lacey.Copy !req
1167. Yeah. Well, Cagney and Lacey were women.Copy !req
1168. - But—
- I could be Lacey.Copy !req
1169. Mac-o!Copy !req
1170. - So that's it, huh?
- C.C.S. Rockman BulletproofingCopy !req
1171. is the tops!Copy !req
1172. Same guys who make our flak jackets.Copy !req
1173. Now, Rabbit,
a good cop does what...Copy !req
1174. before using his equipment in the field?Copy !req
1175. - Uh, they test it?
- They test it. Exactly.Copy !req
1176. How are you shootin' today, Thorn?Copy !req
1177. - Dead on all morning.
- How aboutCopy !req
1178. that little fella?Copy !req
1179. Oh, that little guy? I wouldn't
worry about that little guy.Copy !req
1180. - Good enough for me.
You're my man, now.Copy !req
1181. I don't get it.
How are we going to getCopy !req
1182. into the local impound?Copy !req
1183. There are gonna be cops there.Copy !req
1184. - Wa-hoo!Copy !req
1185. Most of the local cops will probably alreadyCopy !req
1186. be at the banquet.Copy !req
1187. They'll leave, like,
one or two of the dumbestCopy !req
1188. guys at the station.Copy !req
1189. - How are you feelin' there, Mac?
- GoodCopy !req
1190. enough to fuck your mother!Copy !req
1191. So, what we have to do is distract whoeverCopy !req
1192. they leave there.Copy !req
1193. Hey, Mac! You still have
that Halloween costume?Copy !req
1194. Oh, hell, yeah.
You don't throw out—Copy !req
1195. Wa-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
1196. Damn, that's good!Copy !req
1197. So, if we can get ten minutes, you and ICopy !req
1198. can get into the impound...Copy !req
1199. get the reefer,
and get it to the governorCopy !req
1200. before she leaves?Copy !req
1201. - Nice and easy.
- I like it.Copy !req
1202. - You're up.
- Me?Copy !req
1203. - Now, don't get puke on it.
- Does it hurt?Copy !req
1204. You're gonna feel a little pinch.Copy !req
1205. Lookin' good, Rabbit!
Now don't move!Copy !req
1206. - Hang on, buddy.
- Hey, Cap!Copy !req
1207. - Hey, Captain.
- Bulletproof cup, huh?Copy !req
1208. I invented this gag, Rabbit.Copy !req
1209. - Only in my day,
the rookie got naked.Copy !req
1210. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
1211. And we also used blanks.Copy !req
1212. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.Copy !req
1213. - Thanks, Chief.
- All right, Thorny.Copy !req
1214. Why'd you call me up here?Copy !req
1215. Good to know you're still battin' for us withCopy !req
1216. the budget committee, Mayor.Copy !req
1217. Well, I don't want to mince words, John, butCopy !req
1218. it doesn't look too good.Copy !req
1219. Maybe not to the untrained eye.Copy !req
1220. But if I was a bettin' man,
I'd put money on us changin'Copy !req
1221. the governor's mind tonight.Copy !req
1222. Well, you might want to
strap on your ass-kissing bootsCopy !req
1223. and start right now.Copy !req
1224. - I think she's your only hope.
- Hello.Copy !req
1225. What is this thing again?
Humane Society?Copy !req
1226. - Uh, it's a drug bust.
- Cocaine?Copy !req
1227. - Hello.
- Uh, marijuana.Copy !req
1228. - Then why are we here?
- Oh, I think we're prettyCopy !req
1229. well covered, Mr. Mayor.Copy !req
1230. I think she's got a lot of decisions to make.Copy !req
1231. - I don't envy her.
- Oh, I do.Copy !req
1232. I'll be lucky to have a figure
like that when I'm her age.Copy !req
1233. - Yeah. That's a good one.Copy !req
1234. - We're sending someone down,
don't worry. Okay.Copy !req
1235. Thanks. You bet.Copy !req
1236. - No, no, no, no.
We'll bring the guns.Copy !req
1237. We're on it. We're on it.Copy !req
1238. We got it. All right,
that's like twenty calls.Copy !req
1239. I'll tell you what. I'll go down there
and check it out.Copy !req
1240. - What about me?
- Burton, somebody'sCopy !req
1241. got to stay here.Copy !req
1242. All right, fuck it.Copy !req
1243. Shit!Copy !req
1244. Maybe this is the key.Copy !req
1245. - I mean, no offense, bro, but...Copy !req
1246. when did you become a cop?Copy !req
1247. None taken, Ramathorn.
None taken.Copy !req
1248. - Really. How'd you know the key was there?Copy !req
1249. A gentleman never asks.Copy !req
1250. A lady never tells.
Wonder how Rabbit's doin'?Copy !req
1251. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1252. - Yeah! Yeah!
- What does that look like to you?Copy !req
1253. - Is the bear—Copy !req
1254. - Is the guy—
- Oh, yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
1255. - Is the guy—
- Oh, yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
1256. Seems more of a game warden thing to me.Copy !req
1257. - Well, it's illegal, Burton.
I know that!Copy !req
1258. Whoo! Oh!Copy !req
1259. Oh, shit. Look who's here.Copy !req
1260. I thought you said he wasn't gonna make it.Copy !req
1261. I tried.Copy !req
1262. - Glad to see you, Rodney.
- Hey, how are you doin', Rowdy?Copy !req
1263. - How you think I'm doin'?
Open bar, ain't it?Copy !req
1264. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1265. - Thought you said Bowl-a-rama.
- Yeah, I tried to call you,Copy !req
1266. but, um—Copy !req
1267. Yeah, right!Copy !req
1268. - Give me six Schlitzes.
- No Schlitz.Copy !req
1269. - Whatever's free.
- Take it easy, Rod.Copy !req
1270. Open bar, dude!Copy !req
1271. Hello down there.
Are you okay?Copy !req
1272. Excuse me.Copy !req
1273. - Bear—Bear-fucker!
- Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
1274. - Do you need assistance?
- Oh! Oh! Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1275. Okay.Copy !req
1276. Let's do this.Copy !req
1277. Hey, hey, whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
1278. Mayor Timber, yeah. So I just
wanted to let you know...Copy !req
1279. that the governor's gonna have to leave early.Copy !req
1280. For an emergency fund-raiser.
So—Copy !req
1281. Aw, she's gonna speak in about five minutes.Copy !req
1282. And then we're gonna
have to zip on out of here.Copy !req
1283. Well, thanks for the heads-up.Copy !req
1284. I'll go check on those guys.Copy !req
1285. Mac-Attack!
Wanna go punch for punch?Copy !req
1286. Good one!
I did not specify.Copy !req
1287. Never shit a shitter. Lady
in blue, comin' through.Copy !req
1288. Ramathorn.Copy !req
1289. What? I don't know.
Two minutes?Copy !req
1290. You weren't kiddin'.
That's a lot of hooch!Copy !req
1291. Holy shit.
What's Grady doin' up there?Copy !req
1292. and of course, your own local
police chief, Bruce Grady...Copy !req
1293. has made yet another
astonishing breakthrough...Copy !req
1294. in our state's War on Drugs.Copy !req
1295. - That's fine police work.Copy !req
1296. Thank you very much.
The real credit...Copy !req
1297. goes to my skilled officers,
who uncovered the marijuanaCopy !req
1298. in that Winnebago.Copy !req
1299. And, uh, we have identified the dead womanCopy !req
1300. from that Winnebago...Copy !req
1301. as a drug 'queenpin'
from Louisville, Kentucky—Copy !req
1302. Lucy Garfield.Copy !req
1303. Or, as we like to call her down at the station,Copy !req
1304. 'The Louisville Smuggler.'Copy !req
1305. There will be no more running of marijuana...Copy !req
1306. through Spurbury on my watch.Copy !req
1307. - You can count on that.Copy !req
1308. Farva's number one!
Farva's number one!Copy !req
1309. Hey! You showed Grady our secret stash?Copy !req
1310. That was our stash!Copy !req
1311. - I did not show Grady the stash!
- Those bags of grass...Copy !req
1312. - represented a-a bond of trust between us.Copy !req
1313. Foster—Copy !req
1314. - Foster, I had no idea—
- Did you pick me becauseCopy !req
1315. you could manipulate me?Copy !req
1316. No! How could you even say that?Copy !req
1317. - Because you crapped on my heart!Copy !req
1318. I what on your heart?Copy !req
1319. What are you gettin' out of this? Is GradyCopy !req
1320. puttin' you on the road?Copy !req
1321. No, a-are you— You're screwing him too.Copy !req
1322. - Asshole.
- Aah!Copy !req
1323. - Ursula—Copy !req
1324. - Oh, Mac.
- What the fuck?Copy !req
1325. Fuckin' traitor!Copy !req
1326. Hey, Mac! Did it work?
Did it work?Copy !req
1327. Was there ever a moment when you suspected her?Copy !req
1328. - No, why would I?
- Exactly.Copy !req
1329. Why use your head when you can be getting someCopy !req
1330. cop-on-cop fucky-sucky?Copy !req
1331. Well, did you tell her anything?Copy !req
1332. Two cops sleeping together.
What the hell do you thinkCopy !req
1333. they talked about?Copy !req
1334. I don't know. Doin' it?
Positions and stuff?Copy !req
1335. Oh, shut up.
You guys don't even know her.Copy !req
1336. - Get it through your head,
fish dick. She was in on it.Copy !req
1337. Fuck you, Mac!Copy !req
1338. All right, all right.
Fighting's not gonnaCopy !req
1339. change anything.Copy !req
1340. Foster, she played you good.
It's called the honey pot.Copy !req
1341. You should have known better.Copy !req
1342. Well, I guess they're gonna
shut us down anyway.Copy !req
1343. But you two are friends,
you know? You shouldn'tCopy !req
1344. let this come between you.Copy !req
1345. Come on now.
Shake hands.Copy !req
1346. - Sorry.
- You should be.Copy !req
1347. - Hey!
- Sorry.Copy !req
1348. Sorry.Copy !req
1349. - Good, now.
Who wants a shot?Copy !req
1350. I do.Copy !req
1351. - I'll have one.
- I said, who wants a shot?Copy !req
1352. - I do!
- Do you have any openingsCopy !req
1353. in Sherburne, Cap?Copy !req
1354. Not for you guys.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
1355. - We're like the sons you never had.
- If you were my son, Mac...Copy !req
1356. I would have smothered you by now.Copy !req
1357. Smothered me in gravy,
you big, dirty man.Copy !req
1358. - You put in for a transfer yet?
- Ugh!Copy !req
1359. I applied for a guard job.
At the post office.Copy !req
1360. Oh, man.
- You'll finally get to shoot someone.Copy !req
1361. - To the death of fun.
- Here's to you guys.Copy !req
1362. What's up, dirty dogs?Copy !req
1363. Guess that's it for the old locker.Copy !req
1364. She stinks like ass,
but I'll sure miss her.Copy !req
1365. I guess you can say that about all my girls.Copy !req
1366. - What the fuck?
- What the fuck to you too.Copy !req
1367. - What are you?
- I'm a cop. What are you?Copy !req
1368. - A local cop?
- Grady had an opening. Big deal.Copy !req
1369. Why are you wearing that uniform in my station?Copy !req
1370. Look who's talkin', Denim Dan!Copy !req
1371. You look like the president,
chairman and C.E.O.Copy !req
1372. of Levi Strauss.Copy !req
1373. Where'd you get the Canadian tuxedo?Copy !req
1374. You ratted us out to Grady.Copy !req
1375. I'm not even gonna dignify
myself with a response to that.Copy !req
1376. Hey, I got no hard feelings.
Nothin' a few beersCopy !req
1377. can't fix, right?Copy !req
1378. Hey, how about one on me, Ramrod?Copy !req
1379. Excuse me.
Uh, excuse me, guys.Copy !req
1380. Yeah. I'll be right back.Copy !req
1381. - What the fuck?
- We should have taken himCopy !req
1382. out the back and shot him.Copy !req
1383. - Aye, aye, Captain.
- I gotta call Ursula.Copy !req
1384. Fellas, we got to get him back.
He's gotta pay for this.Copy !req
1385. - Nobody wears that uniform in my station.Copy !req
1386. - Farva's goin' down!
- Yes! Right!Copy !req
1387. - Grady's goin' down!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1388. - All of these fuckers are goin' down!Copy !req
1389. Yeah!Copy !req
1390. - What?Copy !req
1391. Welcome to Dimpus Burger.
May I take your order?Copy !req
1392. Hello in there.
This is Officer Rod Farva.Copy !req
1393. - Give me a liter of cola!
- Uh, sorry, Officer Farva, I can't—Copy !req
1394. You want me to come in there, boy?
I'll come in there!Copy !req
1395. - Hello?
- Chase him! Chase him!Copy !req
1396. - Let's pull someone over.Copy !req
1397. Whoa!Copy !req
1398. License and registration.Copy !req
1399. When you gotta go,
you gotta go.Copy !req
1400. We are the Spurbury police!Copy !req
1401. Whoo! Hoo!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
1402. I'm cool. I'm cool.Copy !req
1403. Grady! Get your ass out here!Copy !req
1404. - Grady!
- I don't want to soundCopy !req
1405. like a wienie...Copy !req
1406. - but I think I should call Ursula.
- No way!Copy !req
1407. - You sound like a fuckin' wienie.
- Gimme the radio.Copy !req
1408. Grady? Bruce?Copy !req
1409. Fuck it, all right.
Gimme the goddamn radio.Copy !req
1410. - He's not home!
- Hey, Chief-o!Copy !req
1411. This is Officer Rod Farva.
Come in, Ursula.Copy !req
1412. - What're you doin'?
- Ursula! I love you, Ursula.Copy !req
1413. - Come in, Ursula!
- Who is this? Hello?Copy !req
1414. - Oh! Oh!
- Oh, she's there?Copy !req
1415. Ursula! Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1416. Sir, this is a police channel.
Please get off of it.Copy !req
1417. - I'm tryin' to apologize here.
- Sir, this is not a civilian channel.Copy !req
1418. If you'd like to have
a conversation with someone,Copy !req
1419. please go to Channel Five.Copy !req
1420. All right, Thorny.
Pop it over to Channel Five.Copy !req
1421. Look what I found!
A two-by-four!Copy !req
1422. - You go, girl!
- Foster!Copy !req
1423. - Help me out here, Rabbit.
- Foster, is that you?Copy !req
1424. I need someone sober.
- You got it, Cap.Copy !req
1425. - And, hit!
- My ass in your face, Thorny.Copy !req
1426. - So-So, hey, what's goin' on?Copy !req
1427. Don't use that boyfriend voice with me.Copy !req
1428. What are you doing?Copy !req
1429. Don't use that boyfriend voice with me, Foster!Copy !req
1430. - Hit!
- Yea!Copy !req
1431. Now, did you know that Farva
was the one who told GradyCopy !req
1432. about our plans?Copy !req
1433. - Yeah. I know.
He's working for us now.Copy !req
1434. So, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1435. - I don't know.
Can I come see you?Copy !req
1436. I love you.Copy !req
1437. - Listen, Foster—
- Ursula! I'm naked!Copy !req
1438. Listen, Foster? You want
to get these guys back?Copy !req
1439. - Yeah!
- I know a way we canCopy !req
1440. get 'em really good.Copy !req
1441. - Yeah, let's get 'em good!
Did you hear that, guys?Copy !req
1442. Yes, sir.Copy !req
1443. Okay, I get off work at 10:30.Copy !req
1444. Meet me at Route 9 and Okeechobee Road,Copy !req
1445. and don't be late.Copy !req
1446. - She said, 'Okeechobee.'
- She's okey-dokey.Copy !req
1447. She's late.Copy !req
1448. So, Foster...Copy !req
1449. - is this your usual meeting spot?Copy !req
1450. No.Copy !req
1451. - Fuckin' shit!
- That was Galikanokus!Copy !req
1452. - Let's get him!Copy !req
1453. Outta the car!
Goddamn it!Copy !req
1454. Same shit, different day,
huh, Rabbit?Copy !req
1455. Everybody outta the car!
I said now!Copy !req
1456. You're all under arrest for stealing a SpurburyCopy !req
1457. police vehicle.Copy !req
1458. No, Farva, you are under
arrest for being a totalCopy !req
1459. and complete fuckhead!Copy !req
1460. Y-You don't want to do this, Rod. We gotta goCopy !req
1461. catch that truck.Copy !req
1462. Using what?
Super Citizen power?Copy !req
1463. Galikanokus is on that truck!Copy !req
1464. I'll believe that when me shit turns purple...Copy !req
1465. - and smells like rainbow sherbet.
- Does it sound like that when I say it?Copy !req
1466. Farva! You are not stopping me
from getting my job back!Copy !req
1467. - Get him, Mac!Copy !req
1468. - I got a job now.
- You're a local cop.Copy !req
1469. - You're goddamn right I am!
- You ratted us out!Copy !req
1470. No, Thorny.
I barely had a job before.Copy !req
1471. Farva, get the coffee.
Farva, hit the radio.Copy !req
1472. Farva, clean the cells!
I'm a cop, goddamn it!Copy !req
1473. I got my own car, now.
I get to bust criminals!Copy !req
1474. It's what I gotta do!Copy !req
1475. - You screwed us over.
- No, Thorny.Copy !req
1476. Okay. Okay, I did!
I did, I did.Copy !req
1477. - I'm sorry, Rodney.
- Come on, Rod.Copy !req
1478. - Oh, Thorny!
- No, no, no. Please. Come on.Copy !req
1479. - Listen, listen.
This is your big chance.Copy !req
1480. When we go up there,
and we're wrong, no big deal.Copy !req
1481. But if we're right,
you can be a hero.Copy !req
1482. Come on. Team Ramrod!Copy !req
1483. Will you look at that?Copy !req
1484. - We got 'em, Cap.
- We got 'em, we got 'em!Copy !req
1485. - Oh.
- Fuckin' Galikanokus!Copy !req
1486. There's Canadian markings on that plane.Copy !req
1487. Okay, Foster.
You and Rabbit come aroundCopy !req
1488. in a classic pincer move.Copy !req
1489. - Mac, I need you to take—
- No, no, no, Thorny. Me and you!Copy !req
1490. We outflank 'em, and we do,
like, a submarine move.Copy !req
1491. - Team Ramrod?
- Shut up, Farva.Copy !req
1492. - Farva, you're leaning—
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
1493. Oh! The locals!
I hate those fuckin' guys!Copy !req
1494. Goddamn it, you dipshits!
If I had my car, I'd haveCopy !req
1495. been in on this bust!Copy !req
1496. Shh! Rodney! Rodney,
get your ass back here!Copy !req
1497. Here we go again— What the fuck?Copy !req
1498. - Oh, did you see that?
He kissed that guy!Copy !req
1499. Shh!Copy !req
1500. Holy shit!Copy !req
1501. God! We should have known.Copy !req
1502. So, wait. The local cops are selling
Afghani grass to the Canadians?Copy !req
1503. - Assholes!
- No, Rabbit,Copy !req
1504. it's comin' in from Canada.Copy !req
1505. Canadian grass. Ah!Copy !req
1506. - Assholes.
- No!Copy !req
1507. The local mothers are
running protection for' em.Copy !req
1508. Oh, I guess I'm the asshole.Copy !req
1509. I'm sorry we didn't wait for you, but—Copy !req
1510. Listen to me, Foster.
I need to tell you something.Copy !req
1511. - What, are you guys drunk?
- No!Copy !req
1512. - Your local buddies are runnin' grass!
- Listen, I know.Copy !req
1513. - I know what they're doing.
I've known for awhile.Copy !req
1514. You know this?Copy !req
1515. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are you in on it?Copy !req
1516. No! They keep me on dispatch.
I didn't know what to doCopy !req
1517. when I found out about it.Copy !req
1518. - I was afraid I'd lose my job.
- Oh.Copy !req
1519. You should have just told us.
We would have arrested them.Copy !req
1520. - Yeah, we used to be cops,
remember? Shh!Copy !req
1521. I remember—Copy !req
1522. No offense,
but the less you guys knew,Copy !req
1523. the less you could screw up.Copy !req
1524. - Oh.
- I was trying to stop itCopy !req
1525. without getting brought down.Copy !req
1526. Th-That's why I helped you find
the reefer, that's why I helpedCopy !req
1527. you guys steal the Winnebago...Copy !req
1528. and that's why I brought you... here tonight.Copy !req
1529. - Ah!
- You didn't do this becauseCopy !req
1530. you like Foster? Shh!Copy !req
1531. No, I mean— I do like Foster, but I—Copy !req
1532. - But you used him.
- Yeah, I guess so.Copy !req
1533. But I really like him now.Copy !req
1534. Ah!Copy !req
1535. - This is so good—
- This is kind of awkward.Copy !req
1536. I hate to break up the 'like-fest,'
but it's prime time for crime-time!Copy !req
1537. But wait! Hey, hey, hey!
Are you guys kidding?Copy !req
1538. Look at yourselves.Copy !req
1539. You saw what they did to
Galikanokus's girlfriend.Copy !req
1540. And you guys are drunk,
and unarmed.Copy !req
1541. - Oh, hey, I am sober as a bird.Copy !req
1542. I am drunk.Copy !req
1543. - What do you got?
- No guns. They got flares.Copy !req
1544. And some string.Copy !req
1545. Oh, Farva,
you sad, lonely man.Copy !req
1546. - Ugh.
- Oh, wait. He's gotCopy !req
1547. your name written on it.Copy !req
1548. - Oh!
- Ooh.Copy !req
1549. - Chief! Chief Grady!
I secured the perimeter, sir.Copy !req
1550. Farva!Copy !req
1551. Sorry I missed the call.
Looks like we got 'em. Rock'n' roll!Copy !req
1552. What the hell are you doin' here, Farva?Copy !req
1553. Put that pistol down!Copy !req
1554. - Qu'est-ce-que c'est ca?
- English!Copy !req
1555. - Chief!
- Put a bullet in him, Grady.Copy !req
1556. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
1557. - Grady?
- Shit, what the fuck is this?Copy !req
1558. Shoot it!Copy !req
1559. - That's my car.
- Grady!Copy !req
1560. - That's my girl!
- Grady!Copy !req
1561. Smy, Burton, check that out.Copy !req
1562. - What are ya, drunk?
- Drunk enough to kick your ass.Copy !req
1563. Let's see what you've got, O'Hagan.Copy !req
1564. Two-time Navy champion.
Tag 'im and bag 'im!Copy !req
1565. - Way to go, Cap.
- Give my regards to Bobby Baboon.Copy !req
1566. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You haven't opened it yet, have ya?Copy !req
1567. - How are ya doin'?
- Hey, man. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
1568. - Hi.
- Hey!Copy !req
1569. - Hi, John.
- Hi, darlin'.Copy !req
1570. Here we go.Copy !req
1571. 'Dear John...Copy !req
1572. 'Congratulations are due to you...Copy !req
1573. 'and your men for your brave, impressive...Copy !req
1574. 'but most of all unorthodox tactics...Copy !req
1575. 'in thwarting the drug-smuggling ring...Copy !req
1576. and extreme police corruption.'Copy !req
1577. - Ooh. She loves us.
- All right.Copy !req
1578. 'I cannot stress enough how proud
we at the statehouse are of you.Copy !req
1579. 'The great state of Vermont could
use more officers like your men.Copy !req
1580. 'As you requested, we have
reevaluated the financial situation...Copy !req
1581. regarding your unit.'Copy !req
1582. - And we're gonna buy you a tank.Copy !req
1583. 'Due to our tight fiscal situation...Copy !req
1584. 'we regret to inform you that we are still...Copy !req
1585. 'going to have to close your station.Copy !req
1586. 'Good luck in Sherburne, John.Copy !req
1587. 'And give your men my best.Copy !req
1588. 'Sincerely...Copy !req
1589. Governor Fuckhead.'Copy !req
1590. I did not see that coming.Copy !req
1591. I told you to bring the handcart.Copy !req
1592. - Sorry.
- Tilt it.Copy !req
1593. Oh, goddamn, I remember
these things being lighter!Copy !req
1594. I think I'm gonna drop a nut!Copy !req
1595. - Shit.
- Hope they like foam.Copy !req
1596. It's not so bad. Good exercise.Copy !req
1597. - Cool uniforms.
- Yeah. All the beer you can drink.Copy !req
1598. I'm into that!Copy !req
1599. Beer!Copy !req
1600. - Oh, God.
- You order the keg of St. Anky?Copy !req
1601. Uh, yeah!Copy !req
1602. But aren't you guys the Highway Patrol?Copy !req
1603. Yeah, but our station got shut down, so—Copy !req
1604. Oh, no shit, man!Copy !req
1605. Yeah, shit.
This your keg?Copy !req
1606. Oh, my-my Dad ordered it.
But he's asleep right now.Copy !req
1607. Keg's here!Copy !req
1608. Oh, St. Anky's.Copy !req
1609. - Oh, God. No!
- No, no, no!Copy !req
1610. Hey, man. Hey, bro.
It's cool, man. They got fired!Copy !req
1611. No shit?Copy !req
1612. No shit, man!Copy !req
1613. - All right, all right.
Where's the keg go?Copy !req
1614. Put it in the rec room, man.Copy !req
1615. Make room, make room.
What took you guysCopy !req
1616. so long to get here?Copy !req
1617. What'd you do?
Brew it yourself?Copy !req
1618. - I am cool.
- You're cool, man.Copy !req
1619. Check this out.
Um, why don't you guysCopy !req
1620. put that, um...Copy !req
1621. over there?Copy !req
1622. - Move it, move it, move it.
- We want a drink! Come on.Copy !req
1623. Tap this thing!Copy !req
1624. Actually, you know what?
I think it's better...Copy !req
1625. Feng Shui if it's, uh,
over there.Copy !req
1626. Definitely. Definitely better over there.Copy !req
1627. Oh, wait, wait. Guys. Guys.
You know what?Copy !req
1628. Man, it's probably better for the flow...Copy !req
1629. if you put it back over here.Copy !req
1630. And don't forget to tap that keg, guys.Copy !req
1631. Okay, okay. Somebody's
gonna need to sign for this...Copy !req
1632. and I need to see some I.D.Copy !req
1633. Look, you know what?
I don't have any I.D.Copy !req
1634. But, uh, Abraham Lincoln
here, he says that I'm 21...Copy !req
1635. and he never told a lie.Copy !req
1636. Yeah, actually it was George Washington thatCopy !req
1637. never told a lie.Copy !req
1638. You guys drive a hard bargain, but—Copy !req
1639. Actually, you know what?Copy !req
1640. Why don't you guys split it?Copy !req
1641. That was good, man.Copy !req
1642. - Are you ready for the fun part?Copy !req
1643. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1644. 'Cause here comes
the fun part: Spurbury Police!Copy !req
1645. You're all under arrest!Copy !req
1646. - Come on back, now.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1647. All this for a noise complaint?Copy !req
1648. I love acid—Copy !req
1649. Cops.Copy !req
1650. What the crap?
How come nobody called me?Copy !req
1651. - We're in trouble, aren't we?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1652. You're in big trouble.Copy !req
1653. - We're in trouble, aren't we?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1654. You're in big trouble.Copy !req
1655. And if you really want to
choke somebody, you gottaCopy !req
1656. hit the Adam's apple.Copy !req
1657. - Like this?Copy !req
1658. Loser!Copy !req
1659. Ping! Ping!Copy !req
1660. Ping! Ping!Copy !req
1661. Ping!Copy !req
1662. Farva!Copy !req
1663. Get out of the car.Copy !req
1664. That's right.Copy !req
1665. I'm talkin' to you.Copy !req
1666. Aah!Copy !req
1667. - Ah-ha-ha-ha! - I think we got it.Copy !req
1668. subtitle edited by rogardCopy !req