1. Most people
think of themselves as individuals,
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2. that there's no-one on the planet like them.
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3. This thought motivates them
to get out of bed,
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4. eat food, and walk around
like nothing's wrong.
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5. My name is Oliver Tate.
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6. "What kind of young person am I?"
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7. That's the challenge. We talk about challenges.
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8. Well, that's the challenge
I'm giving you this term.
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9. A gauntlet, so to speak.
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10. But this gauntlet is also an opportunity.
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11. An opportunity for self-discovery.
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12. What do I mean by "self-discovery"?
Mark Pritchard?
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13. Having a wank, sir?
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14. Discovery of the self.
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15. Who am I?
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16. I find that the only way to get through life
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17. is to picture myself
in an entirely disconnected reality.
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18. I often imagine
how people would react to my death.
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19. Mr Dunthorne's quavering voice
as he makes the announcement.
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20. The shocked faces of my classmates.
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21. A playground bedecked with flowers.
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22. The empty stillness of a school corridor.
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23. Local news analysis.
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24. Oliver Tate was a popular
and much-loved pupil.
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25. Many of the people I've spoken to here
referred to him as an example.
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26. He was so funny and so smart.
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27. He's gonna be really missed.
It's so bad. He's so young.
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28. Tear-streaked tributes.
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29. I just wanted to hug him. I just wish I had.
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30. I wish I could have said goodbye,
but I never said anything to him.
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31. The steady stoicism of my parents.
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32. All the girls liked him.
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33. Other boys respected him,
looked up to him, I guess.
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34. Candlelit vigils.
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35. We are witnessing incredible,
unprecedented scenes of quiet devotion.
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36. Behind me a vigil that's been repeated
all over the country.
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37. A testimony to the love felt for Oliver Tate
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38. and the loss felt by his friends...
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39. and, frankly, by Wales on the whole.
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40. And, finally, my glorious resurrection.
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41. Don't ask how. Just know
that I'm now more powerful than ever.
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42. Let's get off.
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43. Zoe.
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44. Zoe, this is for you. It's yours.
It has your name on it. Take it.
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45. - It's not mine.
- Please take it.
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46. That note seems fascinating, Oliver Tate.
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47. You know the rules. Stand up and read it out.
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48. I can't. It's Zoe's.
She gave it to me and I was gonna...
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49. Saved by the bell once again, Mr Tate.
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50. All right, take your time.
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51. I know you're all gagging
to get to double Biology but don't rush.
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52. Jordana Bevan's only real flaws
are her sporadic bouts of eczema.
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53. Other than that, she has many qualities.
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54. She never speaks about herself.
She could be anything.
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55. Perhaps she's a Fabian.
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56. That would make her a socialist
who advocates gradual change.
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57. She's moderately unpopular,
which makes a romance between us more likely.
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58. She's also a girl - to be seen with her
would improve my street cred,
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59. which, though high, could be higher.
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60. Lastly, she's now single,
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61. cos Mark Pritchard cheated on her
with Abby Smuts at the school disco.
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62. The full extent of the betrayal
is still the subject of speculation.
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63. Chips knows there's
nothing more attractive than a bully.
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64. He also knows that Zoe Preece
is a legitimate target
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65. because she's overweight
and won't accept notes in class.
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66. Essentially, I disapprove of bullying.
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67. Jordana seems to enjoy it in moderation.
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68. I must not let my principles
stand in the way of progress.
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69. I must be willing to adapt.
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70. Keep up, Tubs!
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71. This was the correct decision.
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72. Give it back now!
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73. This was a vivid memory of youth that I
would cherish when I was old and frail.
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74. Oh!
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75. Catch. Straight into the hands.
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76. We were working as a team,
testing each other's limits,
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77. challenging one another's bourgeois
assumptions of what was acceptable.
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78. Oh, grow up! Grow up!
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79. I knew that these events - although
hard to bear at this precise moment -
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80. would help build Zoe Preece's
character in the long term.
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81. Aargh!
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82. Wanker!
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83. Honestly, Zoe, it was an accident.
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84. I mean, it was just unlucky
that you were there and that you fell in.
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85. We were playing... sort of like a game.
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86. And you can replace the stuff
that was in your bag.
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87. - I'm not saying it's cheap...
- Fuck off and die!
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88. In many ways, I prefer my own company.
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89. It gives me time to think.
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90. I suppose it's a bit of an affectation,
but I often read the dictionary.
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91. My word for today is "flagitious",
which means wickedly shameful.
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92. I live in a large house with my parents.
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93. They tell me that our area
has breathtaking scenery.
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94. I'm not sure I believe in scenery.
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95. However, the views allow me
to spy on our new neighbours.
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96. I don't know them yet
but they seem like terrible human beings.
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97. Ninjas.
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98. My parents have not had sex
for seven months.
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99. I've been monitoring their intimacy
via the dimmer switch in their bedroom.
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100. I know when they've been at it
because the dial will be set to halfway.
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101. I wish life could be more like
American soap operas.
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102. Then, whenever things got dramatic,
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103. you could just fade the picture down
and pick things up again later.
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104. Can you tell your mother to hurry up?
I'll be waiting in the road.
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105. - You look nice.
- Thank you.
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106. Yeah, you look good for your age. For a mum.
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107. Mum's getting the bus.
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108. So... I inherited it all.
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109. Well, er, it's been terrific. Small world, all that.
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110. It's such a lovely area.
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111. This used to be Jill's grandmother's house,
right?
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112. Yes.
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113. The hours we spent up in that room,
listening to records, hatching plans.
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114. Right, yes.
So are you going to be selling up?
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115. Just gonna let things take their own path.
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116. - You have a good day, Lloyd.
- OK, cheers, Graham.
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117. - Give my love to Jill.
- Will do.
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118. - Ciao, Lloyd.
- Goodbye.
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119. - You go get 'em, killer.
- I will.
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120. As usual, Dad drops me 800 yards from school.
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121. That way, I can slip in unnoticed, like a torpedo.
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122. Watch your step, motherfucker! Ha-ha
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123. You've got to wake up.
How many times have I told you?
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124. - Ellis?
- Yes, sir.
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125. - Griffiths?
- Here, sir.
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126. - Harris?
- Yes, sir.
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127. - Davies?
- Yes, sir.
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128. - Morris?
- Sir.
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129. Preece?
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130. Preece? Anyone seen Zoe?
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131. - Tate?
- Yeah, present.
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132. - Pritchard?
- Yes.
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133. Smuts?
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134. Wanker!
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135. Zoe Preece hasn't been in school for a while,
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136. so I've written a pamphlet
on how to break out of the victim cycle.
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137. I've also given her two examples to inspire her.
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138. Firstly, Rhydian Bird,
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139. who pulled his trousers down to fart
and followed through,
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140. calling an unhealthy turd onto the tarmac.
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141. But instead of looking embarrassed,
he screamed with laughter and pointed.
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142. Nobody could tease him about it
cos he was so proud.
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143. How do you even know all men read poems?
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144. All men do, unless you're gay. Are you gay?
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145. Secondly, Chips.
He wasn't even considered hot
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146. until the Watkins twins stabbed him
in the back with compasses.
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147. He said nothing, showed no discomfort
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148. as his shirt blossomed with blood poppies.
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149. His stoicism reminded me of the brave men
who died in the First World War.
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150. Chips is an outstanding bully.
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151. He once made our Religious Education teacher
cry using only Blu-Tack.
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152. Right, now, now, now.
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153. I don't quite know what I am yet.
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154. I've tried smoking a pipe...
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155. flipping coins...
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156. listening exclusively to French crooners.
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157. Other times I go to the beach
and stare at the sea.
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158. Someone made a documentary
about a prominent thinker
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159. who struggled with unspeakable loss.
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160. I've even had a brief hat phase.
But nothing stuck.
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161. - Gene.
- What?
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162. The most secure route to Zoe is big Gene,
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163. who, over the last few months,
has become her only friend and confidante.
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164. Gene told me that Zoe had moved schools.
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165. She was very unhappy because she was bullied
and one boy even pushed her into a pond.
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166. Oh... I had no idea.
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167. I persuaded her to give Zoe the pamphlet
by saying it was a love letter.
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168. It's a big love letter.
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169. I've got a big heart.
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170. Sometimes I wish there was a film crew
following my every move.
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171. I imagine the camera craning up
as I walk away.
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172. But, unless things improve,
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173. the biopic of my life will only have
the budget for a zoom out.
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174. I feel bad, cutting into his head.
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175. Why? It's just a fucking frog.
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176. It's still a thing, though. It had life.
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177. Where do you think they get the frogs?
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178. I don't know.
Probably a lake or a river nearby.
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179. They probably have a guy that does it.
I could find out.
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180. - I don't actually want to know.
- Neither do I.
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181. - I'm just saying. You asked...
- I wonder where Fat is.
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182. - Zoe?
- Mm.
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183. - She hasn't been in school for a while.
- I hadn't noticed.
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184. I thought you would have.
She leaves a big gap.
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185. She's not on my radar.
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186. - Is it cos we pushed her into the pond?
- I didn't push her.
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187. - Think she's weeping herself to death?
- I didn't push her.
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188. Maybe you should write to her.
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189. Maybe you should write her
a pamphlet or something.
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190. What do you think?
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191. What is this?
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192. What do you want from me?
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193. Meet me under the railway bridge after school
and we'll take it from there.
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194. Bring a Polaroid camera and a diary.
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195. OK?
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196. - Got the camera and the diary?
- Do you have the pamphlet?
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197. Give me the camera.
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198. OK.
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199. Now kneel down.
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200. Please, Jordana... What is this?
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201. Kneel down.
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202. Close your eyes.
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203. We kissed until our lips felt swollen.
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204. Her mouth tasted of milk, Polo mints
and Dunhill International.
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205. OK. Now take out the diary
and write today's date.
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206. Write a few paragraphs on how excited
you are to have kissed me.
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207. Mention what a dick Mark Pritchard is
and slag off Abby Sluts.
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208. - It's Smuts.
- Let's call her Sluts.
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209. I sit next to her in Geography, so we're mates.
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210. I don't need your life story.
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211. Wow. You look mentally retarded.
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212. Have you ever kissed anyone before?
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213. I had in fact only kissed
one person before - Zoe Preece.
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214. It was after the Cowboys And Indians
school disco.
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215. I told her if we were going to do it,
we had to hide behind the refectory.
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216. Her tongue was blue
from blackcurrant squash.
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217. It smouldered in the cold.
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218. OK, I've done it.
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219. Good.
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220. - Can I have the pamphlet now?
- No.
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221. - What will you do with the photos?
- Leave them lying around school.
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222. For people to accidentally find.
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223. Oh.
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224. What are you complaining about?
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225. This is conclusive proof
that you might not be gay.
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226. Gaylord! Gaylord! Gaylord! Gaylord!
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227. Come on, gay boy, take back
what you said about me!
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228. I take it back. I take it back.
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229. And admit that you're in fact a gaylord.
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230. No. Do not admit it.
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231. - Do not admit that.
- Shut up, Chips.
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232. Fine. I'm gay. I'm very gay.
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233. And Jordana's a slut.
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234. - Jordana is a slut.
- No.
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235. Say it. Say it!
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236. No.
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237. Don't be a dick, Mark. Just let him go.
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238. Fine. I'll let him go.
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239. I'll let him go.
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240. If... he admits you're a slut.
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241. - Ooh.
- Just say it, gay boy.
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242. Say it.
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243. Why don't you go fuck yourself?
Fucking big gay.
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244. I was completely overbalanced.
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245. It was luck. I'm gonna get him for this.
I'll bring him so much pain.
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246. Probably catch him like he caught me,
on the sly.
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247. Blood.
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248. - Are you gonna get up now?
- Yeah. Sorry, yeah.
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249. - You've got scaly hands.
- It's eczema.
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250. Now that we had kissed
for non-blackmail purposes,
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251. I thought it gentlemanly
to escort Jordana home.
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252. When there, I asked if
she was my girlfriend now. And she said:
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253. I'll think about it.
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254. But what she meant was, yes.
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255. We are now as one.
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256. Whenever I'm late home from school,
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257. my mother assumes I've been abducted
and left to drown in a lake.
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258. There he is. Oliver?
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259. My mother is worried
that I have mental problems.
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260. I found a book about
teenage paranoid delusions
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261. during a routine search
of my parents' bedroom.
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262. After that, I started slipping choice phrases
into our conversation.
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263. My body has been replaced by a shell.
My organs are made of stone.
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264. - I've been dead for years.
- Right.
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265. My mother is naturally neurotic and in her youth
even dreamed of being an actress.
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266. Until she was told by a speech therapist
her tongue was too big for her mouth.
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267. Now she works for the council's Legal
and Democratic Services department.
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268. One of the rules in her office
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269. - is that if it's your birthday...
- Ta-da.
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270. you are held responsible
for bringing your own cake to work.
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271. - Happy birthday, Jill.
- Thank you.
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272. Oliver?
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273. Oliver, come here.
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274. Come here.
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275. Where are you going, Oliver?
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276. OK, sit up.
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277. - Are you being victimised again?
- No. I'm never victimised.
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278. You were, in primary school and Cubs.
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279. - I don't remember.
- I do. There was a lot of crying.
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280. - Is it drug related?
- How?
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281. - I don't know. You tell me.
- It's not.
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282. - Your pupils are huge.
- It's dark.
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283. - Is it self-harm?
- Why would I punch myself in the eye?
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284. - I really don't know.
- I wouldn't. This is stupid.
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285. I'm not going anywhere
until you tell me the truth.
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286. OK, I got into a fight.
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287. I was defending the honour of my girlfriend.
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288. OK, fine.
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289. You're not being serious, it's fine.
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290. No, I am. I have a girlfriend now.
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291. - Really?
- Yeah.
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292. - Do you?
- Yeah.
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293. - Really?
- Yeah.
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294. Of course.
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295. Yes, of course. I mean, why wouldn't... I didn't...
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296. - Did you think I was...
- No, I didn't. Come here.
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297. What a lovely little chat. You're doing so well.
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298. So?
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299. K-nock, k-nock, can I come in?
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300. This was the happiest
I'd seen my father for years.
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301. Not too long ago, I discovered
an empty bottle of anti-depressants,
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302. during another routine search
of my parents' bedroom.
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303. My research indicates it all started
when he was sacked from his job
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304. presenting on the Open University.
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305. My father is a marine biologist,
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306. and introduced a segment
called Mysteries Of The Deep.
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307. But he was an uneasy screen presence
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308. and never knew quite what to do with his hands.
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309. After his dismissal,
he spent several days in bed,
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310. drinking hot lemon from the same mug
and never washing it,
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311. a key sign of one of his downturns.
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312. Now he works at the local university,
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313. doing a job he finds difficult to explain
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314. to anyone without
a degree-level knowledge of fish.
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315. Listen, I hope you don't mind.
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316. But your mother informs me
that you have a girlfriend.
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317. Is there anything I can help you with there?
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318. I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know.
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319. OK. All right.
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320. Yes. Er... Listen...
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321. I know you think I'm very boring, you know.
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322. But once... I ripped my vest off
in front of a woman
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323. and er... it was very effective, actually.
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324. I know.
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325. It produced a very atavistic response.
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326. That's just something to bear in mind.
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327. And listen, I made you a cassette recording.
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328. It's a compilation of songs I used to listen to
during some of my early formative relationships.
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329. Plus a couple of things I thought you might dig.
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330. I think music can make things seem
a bit more real, sometimes,
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331. - if you know what I mean.
- Thanks.
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332. I've also included some break-up songs
towards the end,
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333. just in case things don't work out.
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334. Which, obviously, you know, that isn't the aim,
though, I'm gonna tell you, it is likely.
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335. Passion rarely lasts, I'm afraid.
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336. All right, well...
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337. good night and erm... well done!
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338. It's an achievement. It really is, of sorts.
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339. Good night, son.
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340. Jordana and I enjoyed a glorious
atavistic fortnight of lovemaking,
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341. humiliating teachers and bullying the weak.
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342. I've already turned these moments
into the Super-8 footage of memory.
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343. It's fucking ridiculous! How long's it been?
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344. Two weeks. It's fucking ridiculous!
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345. I'm not bothered. We've as good as done it.
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346. Never take more than a week
between everything but and stuffing it in.
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347. She's taking the piss. Keiron, back me up.
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348. - She's taking the piss, man.
- Thank you.
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349. Watch out, she's looking.
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350. Is she still looking?
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351. Yep.
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352. Jordana hates any place
that could be termed romantic.
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353. With this in mind, I took her to
one of my favourite industrial estates,
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354. for some quality one- on-one time.
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355. This is nice, isn't it?
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356. Yeah, it's not bad.
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357. I mean, you know, we get on pretty well.
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358. Yeah, it's fun.
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359. And we're getting more and more intimate.
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360. Intimate?
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361. Yeah, you know, we've done things.
We've been intimate.
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362. We have been intimate, yeah.
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363. My parents are going to the cinema
on Thursday.
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364. It's a tradition. They go every Thursday evening.
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365. So what I'm saying is, it's empty.
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366. The house. On Thursday. The house is empty.
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367. On Thursday evening, it's an empty house.
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368. So what do you think?
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369. Are you asking me to come round
and have sex with you?
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370. If I say yes, does that lessen
the chance of you wanting to?
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371. Before I answer that,
I just want to check one thing.
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372. - Yeah, sure. What is it?
- It's quite serious.
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373. Of course, yeah. Go ahead, you should
be able to ask what you want to ask.
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374. Will the house be empty?
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375. Write down the reasons why I should.
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376. OK.
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377. It's Thursday. You're going to the cinema?
You should leave.
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378. Is that what you wear to lounge around?
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379. Your father doesn't want to go out
all of a sudden.
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380. I've been looking forward to it.
I didn't realise there'd be others.
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381. - They're our neighbours.
- Who, the ninjas?
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382. It's Thursday, our cinema night.
It's not a free- for-all.
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383. Do not call them ninjas, Oliver. It's racist.
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384. He's white.
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385. They don't strike me as big Eric Rohmer fans.
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386. Why don't the three of you just go and see
some tat at the Odeon?
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387. - I'll just stay in.
- You should both go.
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388. So rude, Lloyd.
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389. Oh, for God's sake.
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390. - Oh, Graham.
- Whoa!
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391. - Oh, not really...
- Hey.
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392. Oh, thanks.
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393. Are you all right?
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394. Whoargh!
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395. You look lovely.
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396. - Thank you very much.
- Sorry I'm a bit early.
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397. It's just, there's a fantastic
noodle bar right next to the cinema.
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398. Kim-Lin and I would love to take
you and Lloyd....
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399. - Ninjas.
- My treat.
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400. - Very sweet.
- No need to take two cars, right?
Copy !req
401. Plenty of room in the van.
Copy !req
402. Do you mind jumping in the back, here, Lloyd?
Copy !req
403. Hop right in there,
make yourself comfortable.
Copy !req
404. All right there, buddy? Great.
Copy !req
405. Thanks for living up a fucking hill.
Copy !req
406. Sorry, I had to er... go to the toilet.
Copy !req
407. I'm OK now. It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
408. Just gonna top this up quickly.
Copy !req
409. There we go.
Copy !req
410. To us, and a wonderful evening of lovemaking.
Copy !req
411. Can you just get off my shoulders?
Copy !req
412. I'm just directing you, just...
Copy !req
413. Right, OK, just don't open them.
I'll tell you when. Stay there.
Copy !req
414. - What, now?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
415. Fucking hell, you're a serial killer.
Copy !req
416. I'm sorry for that.
I didn't know whether you'd like it.
Copy !req
417. But we can learn from it. I've learned from it.
Copy !req
418. I think you've learned from it.
Maybe we could start again.
Copy !req
419. - I've gotta go home.
- OK, cool. You should go home.
Copy !req
420. I'll give you this. It's just a letter
I was gonna give you. Just take it.
Copy !req
421. It's nothing.
Copy !req
422. - Sorry, but. ...
- No, no, I... Yeah...
Copy !req
423. - You. ...
- OK, bye.
Copy !req
424. Dear Jordana, thank you for letting me
explore your perfect body.
Copy !req
425. I could drink your blood.
Copy !req
426. You're the only person I would allow
to be shrunk to microscopic size
Copy !req
427. and swim inside me
in a tiny submersible machine.
Copy !req
428. We've lost our virginity
but it wasn't like losing anything.
Copy !req
429. You're too good for me.
You're too good for anyone. Sincerely, Oliver.
Copy !req
430. Don't get cocky.
Copy !req
431. How was the film?
Copy !req
432. I'm going to bed.
Copy !req
433. It's nice to see something lightweight
once in a while,
Copy !req
434. that you don't have to think about.
Copy !req
435. Relationships are tough, aren't they?
Copy !req
436. You should be in bed, Oliver.
Copy !req
437. Tonight, I stumbled across
an encyclopaedia entry on ultrasound.
Copy !req
438. Ultrasound is a sound vibration
too high frequency to be audible.
Copy !req
439. It was first developed to locate
submerged objects -
Copy !req
440. submarines, depth charges, Atlantis and such.
Copy !req
441. Some animals, like bats, dolphins and dogs
Copy !req
442. can hear within the ultrasonic frequency.
Copy !req
443. But no human can.
Copy !req
444. No-one can truly know
what anyone thinks or feels.
Copy !req
445. What's inside Mum?
Copy !req
446. What's inside Dad?
Copy !req
447. What's inside Jordana?
Copy !req
448. We're all travelling under the radar, undetected.
Copy !req
449. And no-one can do a thing about it.
Copy !req
450. - Any more word from Graham?
- Nothing to report, Jackie.
Copy !req
451. - We went to the cinema as normal.
- How did that go?
Copy !req
452. Awkward, of course.
Copy !req
453. Lloyd sulked
because we watched Crocodile Dundee
Copy !req
454. rather than one of his dark numbers,
I don't know.
Copy !req
455. But I really laughed.
I thought it was very charming.
Copy !req
456. And I could see why someone like her
would go for someone like him.
Copy !req
457. Graham is still very attractive.
He probably felt threatened.
Copy !req
458. Lloyd is far too self-involved
to feel threatened, Jackie.
Copy !req
459. He knows Graham was your first love...
Copy !req
460. - He wasn't my first love.
- Come on.
Copy !req
461. - I was 18.
- Pardon?
Copy !req
462. 18. Look, I've got to go. I'll call you back.
Copy !req
463. Actually, I'll see you tomorrow, OK.
Copy !req
464. Lloyd?
Copy !req
465. Were you listening in to that?
Copy !req
466. Sorry, what?
Copy !req
467. I could hear you breathe, Lloyd.
Copy !req
468. Why hadn't my parents told me
that Graham was Mum's first love?
Copy !req
469. No wonder their cinema outing
had ended in such a schism.
Copy !req
470. I can only assume the subject
of wife-swapping was raised
Copy !req
471. and Dad didn't feel emotionally ready.
Copy !req
472. Is it possible that Mum would cheat on Dad?
Copy !req
473. Will they get divorced?
Copy !req
474. They don't even row.
Copy !req
475. They just have discussions.
Copy !req
476. I'm going to have to increase my surveillance.
Copy !req
477. Good night, Oliver.
Copy !req
478. Yargh, yargh, yargh!
Copy !req
479. Yargh, yargh, yargh!
Copy !req
480. Yargh!
Copy !req
481. Thank you very much, Jeff.
Copy !req
482. I got you these books.
They're really meaningful to me.
Copy !req
483. This is Shakespeare's most mature work,
miles better than Hamlet.
Copy !req
484. Just more developed thematically.
Copy !req
485. And this is Nietzsche, one of the most
influential philosophers of modern time.
Copy !req
486. I don't agree with all he says
but he makes some interesting points.
Copy !req
487. And this is The Catcher In The Rye,
a great modern American novel.
Copy !req
488. Salinger's very influential.
Copy !req
489. Why are you doing this?
Copy !req
490. I thought it'd be nice to get some
mutual interest, now we've had sex,
Copy !req
491. other than spitting and setting things on fire.
Copy !req
492. Why would I want to be more like you?
Copy !req
493. Just try not to crack the spines or burn them.
Copy !req
494. We should get in. It starts in an hour.
I want to get a good seat.
Copy !req
495. It's rude to leave a film before it's finished.
Copy !req
496. - Who to?
- The film-makers.
Copy !req
497. - How do they know?
- They just do.
Copy !req
498. - How?
- They do.
Copy !req
499. - There wasn't even any sound on it.
- There was never intended to be.
Copy !req
500. - Then why did they write it?
- Kiss me.
Copy !req
501. Get off me!
Copy !req
502. - What are you doing?
- Just kiss me.
Copy !req
503. Get the fuck off me, you freak.
Copy !req
504. That was fucking ridiculous.
Copy !req
505. "K iss me!" Who says that?
Copy !req
506. - It was a kiss. I tried to be romantic.
- What the fuck?
Copy !req
507. - You were crushing my face.
- Yeah, in a romantic way.
Copy !req
508. I'm not in the mood.
Copy !req
509. It seems pretty clear
that Mum is having an affair.
Copy !req
510. Why else would she be at the hairdresser's
with Graham the ninja?
Copy !req
511. He probably makes sure
all his prospective sex partners
Copy !req
512. are salon fresh before impregnating them
with a ninja love child.
Copy !req
513. Cheers.
Copy !req
514. Mum normally just gets a trim
from her work colleague Jackie.
Copy !req
515. But now I think of it,
she did mention her hair the other day.
Copy !req
516. I used to have long hair like her.
Copy !req
517. Hm?
Copy !req
518. I used to have long hair, remember?
Copy !req
519. Hm, yes.
Copy !req
520. - Pretty, isn't she?
- I dunno.
Copy !req
521. Do you like my hair long?
Copy !req
522. - Er...
- Or short like now?
Copy !req
523. Well, you know...
I like your hair no matter how long it is.
Copy !req
524. But did you prefer it long?
Copy !req
525. Either way's good.
Copy !req
526. No opinion.
Copy !req
527. Well, it's up to you.
Copy !req
528. So it wouldn't bother you if I shaved it all off?
Copy !req
529. Not if it made you happy.
Copy !req
530. If you want to shave off your hair, you should.
Copy !req
531. Why would I shave my hair off, Lloyd?
What a stupid idea.
Copy !req
532. Yeah.
Copy !req
533. I can imagine my mum calmly leaving one day
while Dad helps her pack.
Copy !req
534. So er... got any plans?
Copy !req
535. No, not really.
Copy !req
536. No, just...
Copy !req
537. see how it goes, really.
Copy !req
538. Are you planning on getting dressed today?
Copy !req
539. - Do you want to take the car?
- That's fine.
Copy !req
540. I'm going to work from home today
so if you want to take the car....
Copy !req
541. I was planning on going to see
one of Graham's talks tonight.
Copy !req
542. - OK.
- You don't mind?
Copy !req
543. - Why would I mind?
- It just means I won't be in tonight.
Copy !req
544. - I'll make sure I keep myself busy.
- Oliver, you coming?
Copy !req
545. - I'd like a moment with my father.
- Lovely.
Copy !req
546. I'll see you in the car.
Copy !req
547. I think Mum might be having an affair.
Copy !req
548. Can you turn the tap off, please?
Copy !req
549. I saw her in town with Graham
and heard her on the phone talking about him.
Copy !req
550. You shouldn't be spying on people.
Copy !req
551. I just saw them and accidentally
picked up the phone. Aren't you worried?
Copy !req
552. - Graham's an old friend of Mum's.
- They've met up.
Copy !req
553. - Yes.
- So you're condoning this affair?
Copy !req
554. There is no affair. He's just some bloke
I stole your mother from.
Copy !req
555. So you admit they have a history?
Copy !req
556. I think you should go to your mother now, OK?
Copy !req
557. - Thanks, Mum.
- Just a second, we're early.
Copy !req
558. How are things with Jordana?
Copy !req
559. Fine.
Copy !req
560. - You ever going to let us meet her?
- Maybe if you get a terminal illness.
Copy !req
561. So things are serious between you two?
Copy !req
562. It may seem like a big deal now
but it probably won't matter when you're my age.
Copy !req
563. 38?
Copy !req
564. - Just be careful.
- I always use condoms.
Copy !req
565. Good.
Copy !req
566. You know that your dad and I
are going through a bit of a tough time.
Copy !req
567. And I want you to know
we really appreciate you trying to help.
Copy !req
568. - I'm not trying to help.
- You're a loud whisperer.
Copy !req
569. You shouldn't spy on people.
Copy !req
570. Why have you been meeting Graham?
Copy !req
571. Graham is an old friend and has had
relationship problems with Kim-Lin.
Copy !req
572. He needed someone he could talk to.
Copy !req
573. - So he might be single soon?
- Goodbye, Oliver.
Copy !req
574. - Mum?
- Yes?
Copy !req
575. Who would you save first in a fire,
Copy !req
576. given the hypothetical situation
that Dad and I were equally hard to save?
Copy !req
577. I'd go for you but I'd feel bad for your father.
Copy !req
578. OK.
Copy !req
579. - Kiss me!
- What?
Copy !req
580. I still can't believe you fucking said it.
Copy !req
581. I did not say it in a high-pitched...
like a little mouse.
Copy !req
582. - You cried it.
- Come on, we're late.
Copy !req
583. - That gap gets smaller every day.
- What are you doing tonight?
Copy !req
584. I'm busy tonight.
Copy !req
585. Doing what?
Copy !req
586. As in, I've got stuff to do. Busy.
Copy !req
587. No, you never have anything to do.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
588. What is light?
Copy !req
589. What is light?
Copy !req
590. How important is light?
Copy !req
591. OK, let's think about that for a minute.
Copy !req
592. Cos it seems very basic and banal but it's not.
It's loaded.
Copy !req
593. It's a bloody nail bomb.
Copy !req
594. I think light is probably
the most important gift we have
Copy !req
595. from the universe.
Copy !req
596. And if you asked any intelligent bloody writer,
Copy !req
597. like Professor Hawking or anybody of that ilk,
Copy !req
598. he could talk to you...
Copy !req
599. for about, I don't know, a year...
Copy !req
600. just about bloody light!
Copy !req
601. We don't want to be in the dark,
Copy !req
602. being fiddled with.
Copy !req
603. That's for sure.
Copy !req
604. How's my dad meant to compete?
Copy !req
605. The only time I saw him enthral a room
Copy !req
606. was when he gave a talk about
the disappearance of a giant sturgeon.
Copy !req
607. Sturgeons are royal fish, since the 14th century,
Copy !req
608. and, if caught,
they do become property of the Crown.
Copy !req
609. So, yes, we're treating the matter as suspicious.
Copy !req
610. How deep is the ocean?
Copy !req
611. Seven miles at its deepest point,
but on average, six miles as a rule of thumb.
Copy !req
612. But no fish could live down there.
Copy !req
613. There's no light, of course,
and the pressure is far too great.
Copy !req
614. Any human who found themselves at that level,
Copy !req
615. well, they would die immediately.
Copy !req
616. They would implode.
They wouldn't stand a chance.
Copy !req
617. But in answer to your question,
Copy !req
618. the ocean is six miles deep.
Copy !req
619. I am a prism.
Copy !req
620. That's not mad.
Copy !req
621. OK? I am a prism, I am light.
Copy !req
622. I am lucid.
Copy !req
623. I am exciting and delicious.
Copy !req
624. Thanks very much for today.
You've been fantastic.
Copy !req
625. Well done.
Copy !req
626. - It seemed to go pretty well.
- Ch, yes, yes.
Copy !req
627. I think they...
Copy !req
628. - They loved it.
- Did you enjoy it?
Copy !req
629. Absolutely.
Copy !req
630. A lot to take in.
Copy !req
631. - But it was silly, right?
- No, no.
Copy !req
632. - You think I'm silly?
- No, I don't.
Copy !req
633. - It's OK.
- I don't. I don't.
Copy !req
634. I didn't ask for this, Jill.
Copy !req
635. This gift, it's... It's like a burden to me.
Copy !req
636. Sure.
Copy !req
637. Yeah, you must be exhausted.
Copy !req
638. I split up with Kim-Lin.
Copy !req
639. Oh, no. Oh, dear.
Copy !req
640. Let her go.
Copy !req
641. - She was young, right?
- I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
642. - It's all good.
- Anyway, I'd better... I'd better go.
Copy !req
643. - Gonna come next week?
- Er...
Copy !req
644. - I can?
- You'd better.
Copy !req
645. Sure. I'll check my diary.
Copy !req
646. - Bring Lloyd.
- Um...
Copy !req
647. OK. I don't think it's really...
Copy !req
648. his cup of... I'll ask.
Copy !req
649. If you ask him...
Copy !req
650. he will come.
Copy !req
651. - I'll see what I can do.
- Right.
Copy !req
652. - Thank you again. You're very good.
- Ciao, Jill.
Copy !req
653. - Watch yourself.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
654. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
655. I'm watching you.
Copy !req
656. And by being in balance
with the colours around them,
Copy !req
657. with a healthy colour glow around themselves,
Copy !req
658. they're living a fulfilled life.
Copy !req
659. So when you're in a crisis, it doesn't
feel like the waves are crashing on you,
Copy !req
660. it feels like you can just stand
under those waves
Copy !req
661. and let them do their business,
Copy !req
662. and then get a towel and bloody dry yourself off,
and go about your day.
Copy !req
663. That's what it means.
Copy !req
664. My mum is the exact type of person
Copy !req
665. who is susceptible to this mystic bullshit.
Copy !req
666. I can picture her telling Jackie at work
Copy !req
667. how it's a bit over the top
Copy !req
668. but there's something in it.
Copy !req
669. If my dad radiated a colour,
Copy !req
670. it'd be ochre or eggshell.
Copy !req
671. He knows the number for the pothole
helpline off by heart.
Copy !req
672. It's about a foot in diameter.
It's a bit of a concern.
Copy !req
673. Pothole.
Copy !req
674. Yes, that's right, Lloyd Tate.
Oh, hi, how are you?
Copy !req
675. He was the first person in our village
to install double glazing.
Copy !req
676. It's from Dad.
Copy !req
677. He ruins every Ohristmas.
Copy !req
678. It's a kettle.
Copy !req
679. Great.
Copy !req
680. how extraordinary they are.
Copy !req
681. Because they've forgotten, right?
Copy !req
682. Maybe it's time for Dad
to rip off his vest again.
Copy !req
683. I mean, it's a bit over the top,
but I think there's something in it.
Copy !req
684. Yes, yes. Good turnout, was it?
Copy !req
685. I'm going out for a bit.
Copy !req
686. The question was, do I tell Jordana
about this Graham situation?
Copy !req
687. I mean, we'd had sex.
Copy !req
688. Wouldn't it spoil things
if I suddenly got emotional?
Copy !req
689. I decided to soften the blow
with some light arson.
Copy !req
690. You don't talk about your parents much.
Copy !req
691. - I mean, do they get on?
- Yeah, they get on.
Copy !req
692. Mine get on as well. It's good, isn't it?
It's important that they get on.
Copy !req
693. So everything's fine at home,
everything's OK?
Copy !req
694. Cos everything's fine with me.
Copy !req
695. Actually, my mum's not well at the moment.
Copy !req
696. They get on, you know.
Copy !req
697. That's the main thing.
Copy !req
698. Yeah.
Copy !req
699. Sorry, did you say your mum wasn't well?
Copy !req
700. Yeah.
Copy !req
701. Why, what's wrong?
Copy !req
702. She's got...
Copy !req
703. it's called... medulloblastoma.
Copy !req
704. What does it mean?
Copy !req
705. It means she's got a brain tumour.
Copy !req
706. Oh, no.
Copy !req
707. Confiding in Jordana was now impossible.
Copy !req
708. Her mother had cancer.
Copy !req
709. And in the Top Trumps of parental problems,
cancer beats potential infidelity.
Copy !req
710. I would have to travel this road secretly,
Copy !req
711. unaided,
Copy !req
712. a renegade,
Copy !req
713. a solitary samurai.
Copy !req
714. Things were a lot less fun since
Jordana's mother might die
Copy !req
715. and my parents' marriage
started falling apart.
Copy !req
716. I've been working on strategies
to solve both problems.
Copy !req
717. I bought my dad some new aftershave,
but I'm drawing a blank on the cancer.
Copy !req
718. You're fucked. Even if her mum
is terminal, it can still take ages.
Copy !req
719. Please, Chip, shut up.
Copy !req
720. This is not what you signed up for.
Copy !req
721. This is about dipping your wick.
You've done that, game over.
Copy !req
722. She'll be in no mood to put out any more.
Copy !req
723. No more Yuletide logging for you,
Copy !req
724. unlike me, who shall be rolling in it
throughout the festive period.
Copy !req
725. Do you actually pre-prepare these lines?
Copy !req
726. I just split lines as they come to me.
Copy !req
727. You've got to shut the shit down.
Keiron, get my back.
Copy !req
728. - With extreme prejudice.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
729. - Nothing's changed.
- Do what you want. Remember two things:
Copy !req
730. One - treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen.
Copy !req
731. Two - don't mix family and bush.
Copy !req
732. Get the fuck out of here.
Merry Christmas. Have a good 'un.
Copy !req
733. You all right?
Copy !req
734. You've gotta shut this shit down.
It's fucking ridiculous.
Copy !req
735. I've been taking my duty as a boyfriend
seriously.
Copy !req
736. Last night, I reread the book
I Only Want What's Best For You.
Copy !req
737. I remembered a chapter that says:
Copy !req
738. It's therefore in Jordana's interest
that her dog dies before her mother does.
Copy !req
739. Then we can get things back on track.
Copy !req
740. Oliver Tate.
Copy !req
741. OK, calm down.
Copy !req
742. What happened?
Copy !req
743. There was no need to poison Jordana's dog
Copy !req
744. because Jordana's dog
had just been hit by a train.
Copy !req
745. I scraped his remains
into the bin liner I'd brought.
Copy !req
746. The death of a pet makes it easier
to accept the death of a parent.
Copy !req
747. I could feel the tension between Jordana and I
start to slip away.
Copy !req
748. Oh!
Copy !req
749. No, of course, I'm sorry. I just...
Copy !req
750. I thought...
Copy !req
751. We should bury him.
Copy !req
752. No, I don't think we should.
Copy !req
753. Foxes dig up dead animals and eat them.
Copy !req
754. What should we do, then?
Copy !req
755. Well, there's this thing the Vikings used to do.
Copy !req
756. Jude would like to meet you.
Copy !req
757. - Who's Jude?
- My mum.
Copy !req
758. Since when have you called her Jude?
Copy !req
759. Since she might die in two weeks.
Copy !req
760. Right.
Copy !req
761. So, do you wanna come?
Copy !req
762. The Bevans had Christmas dinner early
in case it was the last one they had.
Copy !req
763. I hoped it wouldn't be,
cos the turkey was quite dry
Copy !req
764. and the spouts had turned mushy
and out of focus.
Copy !req
765. This is crackin', love.
Copy !req
766. Yeah, it's great. Thank you, Mrs Bevan.
Copy !req
767. This is my last warning. It's Jude.
Copy !req
768. So, I hear from my little girl
that you've stolen her heart.
Copy !req
769. Dad...
Copy !req
770. Let me tell you,
if you're lucky enough to find an angel,
Copy !req
771. hold onto her with everything you've got.
Copy !req
772. Oh, these fucking lights!
Copy !req
773. Cheap shit.
Copy !req
774. Oh, come on.
Copy !req
775. You're acting like I'm dead already.
Copy !req
776. Come on.
Copy !req
777. It'd take more than
some silly tumour to kill me.
Copy !req
778. - It might not.
- Oh, come on, now. Don't be daft.
Copy !req
779. - Sorry.
- All right.
Copy !req
780. Oh, it's all right, darling. Ssh.
Copy !req
781. - Come here.
- Sorry, love.
Copy !req
782. Are you all right? Oome on.
Copy !req
783. - Come on.
- Sorry, sorry.
Copy !req
784. Sorry.
Copy !req
785. - All right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
786. I'm fine. I'm fine. Give us a cudge.
Copy !req
787. Listen... Thank you.
Copy !req
788. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Copy !req
789. Thank you for looking after Jordana,
for walking through the fire with her.
Copy !req
790. - Thank you. Appreciate it.
- No.
Copy !req
791. - No, we both do.
- He's a good boy, isn't he?
Copy !req
792. Part of the family now. Deal?
Copy !req
793. - Deal?
- Deal.
Copy !req
794. Family, deal.
Copy !req
795. Deal, yes?
Copy !req
796. There we fucking go.
Copy !req
797. Maybe you should come to the hospital
this Friday.
Copy !req
798. Mum will have had her operation by then
and we can visit.
Copy !req
799. - If you felt like it.
- Er, Friday.
Copy !req
800. I've got to do some Christmas shopping.
Copy !req
801. - What?
- I always leave it too late.
Copy !req
802. - I want to get you something good.
- Mother might die.
Copy !req
803. - I know.
- Do you care,
Copy !req
804. - or couldn't you give a fuck?
- I do, clearly.
Copy !req
805. I'll come. When is it?
Copy !req
806. Friday.
Copy !req
807. Great, yeah.
Copy !req
808. Yeah, Friday's good for me, actually.
Yeah, I can do that. Excellent.
Copy !req
809. Your skin's better. You're allergic to the dog.
Copy !req
810. I'm eating better.
Copy !req
811. Following Mum's special diet.
Copy !req
812. Is that because of the...
Copy !req
813. We eat lots of ginger now.
Copy !req
814. So, Friday.
Copy !req
815. The visiting hours are six till eight.
Copy !req
816. Got it. Six till eight. I'll meet you there.
Copy !req
817. OK.
Copy !req
818. I'm sorry I'm like this.
Copy !req
819. - I dunno. I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine.
Copy !req
820. - Don't think you have to wait. It's cold.
- No, it's fine. I'll wait.
Copy !req
821. I've got you these matches.
Copy !req
822. Your favourite.
Copy !req
823. I noticed the way you light a match.
Copy !req
824. The flame is the same shape
as a falling tear.
Copy !req
825. I knew then it was too late to save her.
Copy !req
826. She'd gone gooey in the middle.
Copy !req
827. From now on she'll buy little gifts
for her favourite teachers
Copy !req
828. and she'll admire the scenery
and she'll buy soup for homeless people.
Copy !req
829. And she'll never burn my leg here again.
Copy !req
830. - Maybe I will go. It's pretty cold.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
831. OK.
Copy !req
832. Good night.
Copy !req
833. When I discovered
I could see these colours in people,
Copy !req
834. it took a long time because I was
in such a state of anxiety.
Copy !req
835. It was when I started to be comfortable with it
and stopped trying to resist it,
Copy !req
836. it started to nourish me.
Copy !req
837. And I could relax around it and be in it.
Copy !req
838. Then I started to make
more of an understanding of it.
Copy !req
839. Well, it's um...
Copy !req
840. It's interesting.
Copy !req
841. He's really working that third eye, isn't he?
Copy !req
842. It's just a metaphor, Lloyd.
Copy !req
843. Oh, no, no, no. I mean, it's good, yes.
Copy !req
844. I like the whole colour coding thing.
Copy !req
845. Well, I'd like to go again.
Copy !req
846. I'd like you to be there, so...
Copy !req
847. - You want us to go?
- Yes, I do.
Copy !req
848. Right.
Copy !req
849. Do I have to bring shorts?
Copy !req
850. - It's on this Friday, so...
- Right, OK, yeah.
Copy !req
851. What, are you coming or...
Copy !req
852. Well, I'm intrigued, yeah.
Copy !req
853. - For sure.
- This Friday. This Friday.
Copy !req
854. - This Friday?
- Mm-hm.
Copy !req
855. OK, yep, yep.
Copy !req
856. - Thank you.
- Mm.
Copy !req
857. Don't let me down. OK?
Copy !req
858. The most fantastical way
people experience the Graham T Purvis system
Copy !req
859. is to come to the seminar.
Copy !req
860. Oliver, what are you doing?
Copy !req
861. have been mind-blowing.
I've seen lives change.
Copy !req
862. It's just incredible.
Copy !req
863. I wish on a global scale
that people could get the message.
Copy !req
864. Wouldn't it be just wonderful?
Copy !req
865. Friday...
Copy !req
866. I'll be OK. I'll be...
Copy !req
867. I'll be fine. I'll be all right.
Copy !req
868. Yeah, I'll be OK.
Copy !req
869. Yeah.
Copy !req
870. You should go in.
Copy !req
871. Dad, aren't you going to Graham's thing?
Copy !req
872. - Hm?
- Graham's thing. It's Friday.
Copy !req
873. I thought you were going out.
Copy !req
874. Yeah, I'm meant to be at the hospital.
Copy !req
875. Well, you should get along then, I suppose.
Copy !req
876. Yeah. Yeah, I will. Yeah, I should go.
Copy !req
877. Right, I'm off out.
Copy !req
878. I'll see you, then.
Copy !req
879. Bye.
Copy !req
880. Dad, who would you save first in a house fire,
Copy !req
881. given the hypothetical situation
Copy !req
882. that both Mum and I
were equally difficult to save?
Copy !req
883. I'd save your mother first,
Copy !req
884. so we had a better chance
of working together to save you.
Copy !req
885. Do you often feel like this?
Copy !req
886. Like what?
Copy !req
887. - Tired?
- Down in the dumps.
Copy !req
888. Quite often.
Copy !req
889. How long for?
Copy !req
890. Since I was about your age, I suppose.
Copy !req
891. What does it feel like?
Copy !req
892. Like being underwater.
Copy !req
893. Is that why you became a marine biologist?
Copy !req
894. Maybe, yeah.
Copy !req
895. Have you always liked fish?
Copy !req
896. I suppose so.
Copy !req
897. I just sort of drifted into it, really.
No pun intended.
Copy !req
898. And does Mum mind?
Copy !req
899. I think she'd rather I earnt more money.
Copy !req
900. No, you being underwater.
Copy !req
901. Oh.
Copy !req
902. Yeah, no.
Copy !req
903. I'm sure she'd rather I wasn't.
Copy !req
904. It's not very pleasant.
Copy !req
905. The ocean is six miles deep, isn't it?
Copy !req
906. Well remembered. Yeah.
Copy !req
907. Could be Mum.
Copy !req
908. Or Jordana.
Copy !req
909. I haven't spoken to Jordana about her mother
because there's only two possible outcomes.
Copy !req
910. Either the operation was a success,
Copy !req
911. in which case she'll be too relieved
to be angry with me for long,
Copy !req
912. or her mother was dead,
Copy !req
913. in which case she needs privacy
and time to grieve.
Copy !req
914. During this brief hiatus,
I can help save my parents' marriage
Copy !req
915. and then resume my duties
as the best boyfriend in the world.
Copy !req
916. Oliver.
Copy !req
917. Yes?
Copy !req
918. - What's this?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
919. - What is this?
- A letter.
Copy !req
920. - I don't know what's in it.
- I think you do.
Copy !req
921. Why did you write this, Oliver?
Copy !req
922. This isn't funny.
Copy !req
923. If I did write it, and I'm not as yet
admitting that I did,
Copy !req
924. it'd be because I spoke to Dad.
This is what he wants.
Copy !req
925. - You spoke to Dad?
- He knows he's been imperfect.
Copy !req
926. What did you talk about, Oliver?
Copy !req
927. Listen,
Copy !req
928. he still finds you attractive.
Copy !req
929. He still wants to make love to you.
Copy !req
930. Are you making this up?
Copy !req
931. Me and Dad have discussed it.
We both want to make this marriage work.
Copy !req
932. Are you with us?
Copy !req
933. Going to the beach with Graham.
I will not be back tonight.
Copy !req
934. On New Year's Eve,
everyone from town goes to the beach.
Copy !req
935. Chip said, if a girl won't get off with you
on New Year's Eve,
Copy !req
936. you may as well cut it off.
Copy !req
937. I'm starting to think that we may grow apart.
Copy !req
938. I don't want a mystic ninja as a stepdad.
Copy !req
939. I don't want to be from a broken home
like Chip's,
Copy !req
940. wearing tracksuit tops instead of coats
and taking gateway drugs in shopping malls.
Copy !req
941. I want my family back.
Copy !req
942. I don't want anything to change.
Copy !req
943. The celebrations are really kicking in, right?
Copy !req
944. Yeah.
Copy !req
945. It distresses tiny animals.
Copy !req
946. - You can relax, right?
- Mm.
Copy !req
947. - There's some lovely massage oils.
- Great. OK.
Copy !req
948. In you get.
Copy !req
949. All right.
Copy !req
950. I have no idea what I'm hoping to achieve
by breaking into Graham's house.
Copy !req
951. I just want to give him
the idea that I'm deranged
Copy !req
952. and therefore capable of anything.
Copy !req
953. This will probably involve me urinating
or something.
Copy !req
954. I need a fucking drink.
Copy !req
955. I'm doing it. Just do it.
Copy !req
956. Just do it...
Copy !req
957. Just do it.
Copy !req
958. OK.
Copy !req
959. Feel my piss.
Copy !req
960. Oh, come on.
Copy !req
961. Come on.
Copy !req
962. Oh, for fuck...
Copy !req
963. Fuck.
Copy !req
964. It's fine.
Copy !req
965. Come on. Just...
Copy !req
966. Fucking piss on your face, you fucking freak.
Copy !req
967. For fuck's sake, just come on. Loosen up.
Copy !req
968. Oh, here we go.
Copy !req
969. OK, that'll do it.
Copy !req
970. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
971. Fuck.
Copy !req
972. Kim-Lin?
Copy !req
973. Is that you?
Copy !req
974. Do you still have a key?
Copy !req
975. That's very naughty.
Copy !req
976. Oh, this is fun, isn't it?
Copy !req
977. What kind of protest's this, then, eh?
Copy !req
978. Huh?
Copy !req
979. How much more of this bizarre behaviour
do I have to endure?
Copy !req
980. Nearly went red there.
Copy !req
981. Come on, up you get, sweetheart.
Copy !req
982. I'm just try...
Copy !req
983. My name is not Kim-Lin.
Copy !req
984. My name is Oliver Tate.
Copy !req
985. Hello.
Copy !req
986. Hello.
Copy !req
987. Hello!
Copy !req
988. Knock, knock.
Copy !req
989. How are you feeling?
Copy !req
990. I saw Mum with Graham at the beach.
Copy !req
991. Mm. Mum told me everything.
Copy !req
992. Did she say she went into the van
with his face on it?
Copy !req
993. Yes.
Copy !req
994. Did she say what happened in the van
with his face on it?
Copy !req
995. Yes.
Copy !req
996. Aren't you angry?
Copy !req
997. Worse things have happened at sea, OI.
Copy !req
998. - What did happen?
- That's between your mother and I.
Copy !req
999. Lloyd, I think it best we be honest.
Copy !req
1000. Sweet pea,
Copy !req
1001. I gave Graham a handjob.
Copy !req
1002. Is there anything you'd like to say about that?
Copy !req
1003. - Lloyd, do you want to add anything?
- No.
Copy !req
1004. OK. Well, I was drunk
and I was trying to relax Graham.
Copy !req
1005. - It was a silly thing to do.
- Mm.
Copy !req
1006. Thank you.
Copy !req
1007. Your father and I have discussed it
Copy !req
1008. and if it's OK with everyone,
that's the last we'll say about it.
Copy !req
1009. OK? Thank you.
Copy !req
1010. Is there anything
you'd like to talk about now, huh?
Copy !req
1011. Me and Jordana
are having relationship problems.
Copy !req
1012. - Oh.
- It's difficult.
Copy !req
1013. I suppose it won't matter when I'm 38 but...
Copy !req
1014. I'm upset about it.
Copy !req
1015. You should be more angry with her.
Copy !req
1016. Why would I be angry with Jordana?
Copy !req
1017. Oh, you mean me.
Copy !req
1018. Yes. No, no. Well, you know, I am.
Copy !req
1019. Yeah, I'm upset.
Copy !req
1020. We should go back to sleep, though.
Copy !req
1021. Yeah.
Copy !req
1022. We're not going to punish you now
but we're going to talk about what you've done.
Copy !req
1023. What about what you've done?
Copy !req
1024. OK, don't push it, OI.
Copy !req
1025. Well, we'll talk about that too
but you should go back to sleep now, OK?
Copy !req
1026. - OK.
- Mm?
Copy !req
1027. Right.
Copy !req
1028. Dear Oliver, I tried to tell you
Copy !req
1029. but I figure you'll only probably believe me
if it's in writing. It's over.
Copy !req
1030. I enclose my lighter as a parting gift for you.
Copy !req
1031. Also, I think you should know,
I've found someone else.
Copy !req
1032. When we're in school together,
try not to look upset.
Copy !req
1033. I know you're a good actor.
Copy !req
1034. You were right about
my being allergic to dogs. I got tested.
Copy !req
1035. Oh, and in case you're interested,
my mum's fine now.
Copy !req
1036. Sorry if it made you feel awkward.
Copy !req
1037. Could you tell her I called?
Copy !req
1038. Oh, yeah, she's got my number.
Copy !req
1039. None of this will matter when I'm 38.
Copy !req
1040. But it's been two months
since Jordana last spoke to me.
Copy !req
1041. Her new boyfriend has an incredibly long neck.
Copy !req
1042. Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry.
Copy !req
1043. I wish I could hand in this excuse note.
Copy !req
1044. "Dear Mr Davey,
Copy !req
1045. Please may Oliver be excused from class.
His tiny heart is broken.
Copy !req
1046. Yours sincerely, Lloyd Tate."
Copy !req
1047. - Is he all right?
- He's fine. Just leave him.
Copy !req
1048. In my other recurring dream,
I mentally rehearse the end scene.
Copy !req
1049. The one where it's getting dark
and I mistake a girl for Jordana.
Copy !req
1050. A girl with the exact same frame
and the exact same hair.
Copy !req
1051. And when she turns around,
I see her face is nothing like Jordana's.
Copy !req
1052. And she asks, "Do I know you?"
Copy !req
1053. And I look traumatised and say...
Copy !req
1054. No.
Copy !req
1055. You don't know me.
Copy !req
1056. You don't know me at all.
Copy !req
1057. I think this will matter when I'm older,
when I'm 38.
Copy !req
1058. - Don't you knock any more?
- Sorry, Cliver. What?
Copy !req
1059. Jordana... I think it will matter when I'm older.
Copy !req
1060. Yeah, course it will.
Copy !req
1061. OK, well... Good night.
Copy !req
1062. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Copy !req
1063. You've got to be shitting me.
Copy !req
1064. Pritchard.
Copy !req
1065. Pritchard, take a look at this.
It's as funny as fuck.
Copy !req
1066. All right, whose note is that?
Copy !req
1067. It's mine.
Copy !req
1068. Thank you, Oliver, for your refreshing honesty.
Copy !req
1069. But you know the rules.
Up you come, read it out.
Copy !req
1070. It was just a joke?
Copy !req
1071. Yeah.
Copy !req
1072. OK, well, as I say,
if it was just a joke then that's fine.
Copy !req
1073. But if ever you have serious feelings
Copy !req
1074. of, you know, difficulty
Copy !req
1075. or sadness
Copy !req
1076. or any negative feelings that you want
to talk about, feel free to come and...
Copy !req
1077. I know, I know, yeah.
Copy !req
1078. I can talk to you about that.
Copy !req
1079. OK. I don't want to embarrass you
Copy !req
1080. but I just wanted you to know that
I'm open to talking whenever you want.
Copy !req
1081. Yeah. OK.
Copy !req
1082. Cool.
Copy !req
1083. Good.
Copy !req
1084. Nice one, OI. Nice one, you fuck-muppet.
Copy !req
1085. Why write stuff like that?
Perhaps people are right and you are gay.
Copy !req
1086. "Jordana, I love you. I want to
have your babies, get married."
Copy !req
1087. What the fuck?
Copy !req
1088. - Fuck you, Chips.
- What the fuck are you up to, you fool?
Copy !req
1089. What?
Copy !req
1090. - You're a loser.
- Go and see the girl
Copy !req
1091. - who doesn't like you.
- I'll be back.
Copy !req
1092. I'll hit you in the face.
Copy !req
1093. Can I have a word, please, in private,
without him?
Copy !req
1094. I'm fine here.
Copy !req
1095. Sorry I didn't come to the hospital.
Copy !req
1096. I thought my parents were going to split up
Copy !req
1097. and I didn't want to look weak
or things to change.
Copy !req
1098. My mum gave a hand-job to a mystic.
Copy !req
1099. Look, I was frightened.
Copy !req
1100. I'm full of regret.
Copy !req
1101. This is the moment where you leave him
and come with me.
Copy !req
1102. Is it?
Copy !req
1103. Yeah.
Copy !req
1104. Are you coming?
Copy !req
1105. No.
Copy !req
1106. I don't know if I've come of age
but I'm certainly older now.
Copy !req
1107. I feel shrunken, as if there's
a tiny ancient Oliver Tate inside me
Copy !req
1108. operating the levers of
a life-size Oliver-shaped shell.
Copy !req
1109. A shell on which a decrepit picture show
Copy !req
1110. replays the same handful of images.
Copy !req
1111. Every night I come to the same place
and wait till the sky catches up with my mood.
Copy !req
1112. The pattern is set.
Copy !req
1113. This is, no doubt, the end.
Copy !req
1114. Jordana!
Copy !req
1115. Jordana!
Copy !req
1116. It is you.
Copy !req
1117. I didn't think it'd be you. I...
Copy !req
1118. I thought it'd be like a film
where the girl turns round and it's not the...
Copy !req
1119. You've got a new dog. You're allergic.
Copy !req
1120. - Oliver.
- Where's your boyfriend?
Copy !req
1121. He's not my boyfriend.
Copy !req
1122. Your skin's looking bad, terrible.
It's probably the dog.
Copy !req
1123. I don't care about my fucking skin.
Copy !req
1124. - Why on earth did you get a new dog?
- Because I like dogs, OK?
Copy !req
1125. Why are you such a total dick?
Copy !req
1126. I don't know.
Copy !req
1127. I was crying earlier. My eyes are probably red.
Copy !req
1128. They look fine.
Copy !req
1129. No, well, maybe they don't go red when I cry.
Copy !req
1130. It happens to some.
Copy !req
1131. You were horrible to me.
Copy !req
1132. I know. I made a mistake.
Copy !req
1133. I made a mistake.
What do you want me to say?
Copy !req
1134. - Ask me how deep the ocean is.
- Shut up.
Copy !req
1135. Go on, just ask me.
Copy !req
1136. - Why?
- Because I know the answer.
Copy !req
1137. - Oh, do you?
- Yeah. I do.
Copy !req
1138. - How deep?
- I'm not going to say.
Copy !req
1139. I'm broken- hearted.
Copy !req
1140. - The ocean is six miles deep.
- Good.
Copy !req