1. This is a story about a man
named Harold Crick.Copy !req
2. And his wristwatch.Copy !req
3. Harold Crick was a man of infinite
numbers...Copy !req
4. endless calculations
and remarkably few words.Copy !req
5. And his wristwatch said even less.Copy !req
6. Every weekday, for 12 years...Copy !req
7. Harold would brush
each of his 32 teeth 76 times.Copy !req
8. Thirty-eight times back and forth.Copy !req
9. Thirty-eight times up and down.Copy !req
10. Every weekday, for 12 years...Copy !req
11. Harold would tie his tie in a single
Windsor knot instead of the double...Copy !req
12. thereby saving up to 43 seconds.Copy !req
13. His wristwatch thought the single
Windsor made his neck look fat...Copy !req
14. but said nothing.Copy !req
15. Every weekday, for 12 years...Copy !req
16. Harold would run at a rate of nearly
57 steps per block for six blocks...Copy !req
17. barely catching
the 8:17 Kronecker bus.Copy !req
18. His wristwatch would delight...Copy !req
19. in the feeling of the crisp wind
rushing over its face.Copy !req
20. And every weekday, for 12 years...Copy !req
21. Harold would review 7.134
tax files...Copy !req
22. as a senior agent
for the Internal Revenue Service.Copy !req
23. Regs section 1.469-2 (B) (i), Diane.
Thanks.Copy !req
24. Good morning. IRS.Copy !req
25. Harold, 89 times 1417?Copy !req
26. 126,113.Copy !req
27. That adds up.Copy !req
28. Only taking a 45.7-minute
lunch break...Copy !req
29. and a 4.3-minute coffee break...Copy !req
30. timed precisely by his wristwatch.Copy !req
31. Oh, great.Copy !req
32. Yeah, we'll go to Mullen's or we'll...Copy !req
33. Beyond that,
Harold lived a life of solitude.Copy !req
34. He would walk home alone.Copy !req
35. He would eat alone.Copy !req
36. And at precisely 11:13 every night...Copy !req
37. Harold would go to bed alone...Copy !req
38. placing his wristwatch to rest
on the nightstand beside him.Copy !req
39. That was, of course,
before Wednesday.Copy !req
40. On Wednesday, Harold's wristwatch
changed everything.Copy !req
41. Oh, my God, you got it?Copy !req
42. I got it.Copy !req
43. I got it.Copy !req
44. If one had asked Harold,
he would have said...Copy !req
45. that this particular Wednesday was
exactly like all the Wednesdays prior.Copy !req
46. And he began it the same way he...Copy !req
47. And he began it the same way
he always did.Copy !req
48. Hello?Copy !req
49. He began it the same way
he always did.Copy !req
50. When others' minds would...Copy !req
51. Hello? Is someone there?Copy !req
52. When others' minds would fantasize
about their upcoming day...Copy !req
53. or even try to grip onto
the final moments of their dreams...Copy !req
54. Harold just counted brushstrokes.Copy !req
55. All right, who just said,
“Harold just counted brushstrokes”?Copy !req
56. And how do you know I'm counting
brushstrokes?Copy !req
57. Hello?Copy !req
58. It was remarkable how the simple,
modest...Copy !req
59. It was remarkable h...Copy !req
60. It was remarkable how the simple,
modest elements of Harold's life...Copy !req
61. so often taken for granted...Copy !req
62. would become the catalyst
for an entirely new life.Copy !req
63. Harold ran for the bus...Copy !req
64. his stiff leather shoes
making a terrible squeaking sound...Copy !req
65. as they flexed against the asphalt.Copy !req
66. And though this was
an extraordinary day...Copy !req
67. a day to be remembered
for the rest of Harold's life...Copy !req
68. Harold just thought
it was a Wednesday.Copy !req
69. I'm sorry, did you hear that?Copy !req
70. The voice. Did you hear it?
“Harold thought it was a Wednesday”?Copy !req
71. Don't worry, it is Wednesday.Copy !req
72. No, no, did you hear it? “Harold
just thought it was a Wednesday”?Copy !req
73. –Who's Harold?
–I'm Harold.Copy !req
74. Harold, it's okay, it's Wednesday.Copy !req
75. No, no, I...Copy !req
76. Never mind.Copy !req
77. Harold couldn't concentrate
on his work.Copy !req
78. Excuse me, Harold?Copy !req
79. His thoughts were scattered.
His mind elsewhere.Copy !req
80. Sorry.Copy !req
81. Someone here should be able to fix...
Hold on a second.Copy !req
82. Hey, Harold. What's 67 times 453?Copy !req
83. When a coworker asked
the product of 67 and 453...Copy !req
84. You know what?
I can't think while you're talking.Copy !req
85. he drew a blank.Copy !req
86. –What?
–What?Copy !req
87. –Harold quickly answered, “30,351.”
–What? Oh, nothing. 30,351.Copy !req
88. Despite the answer
really being 31,305.Copy !req
89. Wait, wait, wait, 31,305. Sorry.Copy !req
90. Dude, I just totally caught
some insurance adjuster...Copy !req
91. claiming his jet ski
as a work vehicle.Copy !req
92. I'll tell you, it is a shame...Copy !req
93. that they don't give out
an auditor of the year award.Copy !req
94. Dude?Copy !req
95. You okay?Copy !req
96. Dave, I'm being followed.Copy !req
97. How are you being followed?
You're not moving.Copy !req
98. –It's by a voice.
–What?Copy !req
99. I'm being followed
by a woman's voice.Copy !req
100. Okay.Copy !req
101. What is she saying?Copy !req
102. She's narrating.Copy !req
103. Harold, you're staring at boxes,
what is she narrating?Copy !req
104. No, no, no. I had to stop filing.Copy !req
105. Watch. Watch. Listen. Listen.Copy !req
106. The sound the paper made
against the folder...Copy !req
107. had the same tone
as a wave scraping against sand.Copy !req
108. And when Harold thought about it...Copy !req
109. he listened to enough waves
every day...Copy !req
110. to constitute what he imagined
to be a deep and endless ocean.Copy !req
111. Did you hear that?Copy !req
112. You mean you filing?Copy !req
113. No, no, no, the voice.Copy !req
114. No.Copy !req
115. Frightening part is sometimes I do
imagine a deep and endless ocean.Copy !req
116. What ocean?Copy !req
117. The one made by the sound...
Forget it.Copy !req
118. New audits. Have a good day.Copy !req
119. Thank you.Copy !req
120. All right, we got a baker
and a securities trader.Copy !req
121. Maybe you should take the baker.Copy !req
122. –Okay?
–Okay.Copy !req
123. Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!Copy !req
124. –You miscreant.
–I understand.Copy !req
125. Oh, get bent, taxman!Copy !req
126. –Taxman!
–Taxman!Copy !req
127. Taxman!Copy !req
128. Go home!Copy !req
129. Listen, is there somewhere else
we could talk about this?Copy !req
130. No. We're gonna talk about this
right here.Copy !req
131. Okay. It says, the file, that you only
paid part of your taxes for last year.Copy !req
132. –That's right.
–Looks like only 78 percent.Copy !req
133. Yep.Copy !req
134. So you did it on purpose?Copy !req
135. Yep.Copy !req
136. So you must have been
expecting an audit?Copy !req
137. I was expecting a fine...Copy !req
138. or a sharp reprimand.Copy !req
139. A reprimand? This isn't
boarding school, Ms Pascal.Copy !req
140. You stole from the government.Copy !req
141. No, I didn't steal from the government.
I just didn't pay you entirely.Copy !req
142. Ms Pascal, you can't just
not pay your taxes.Copy !req
143. Yes, I can.Copy !req
144. You can if you wanna get audited.Copy !req
145. Only if I recognize your right
to audit me, Mr Crick.Copy !req
146. Ms Pascal, I'm right here
auditing you.Copy !req
147. Now I have to go over
your past three years...Copy !req
148. to make sure
that's all you haven't paid.Copy !req
149. Fine.Copy !req
150. Actually, you know, it's not fine.Copy !req
151. Listen, I'm a big supporter
of fixing potholes...Copy !req
152. and erecting swing sets
and building shelters.Copy !req
153. I am more than happy
to pay those taxes.Copy !req
154. I'm just not such a big fan
of the percentage...Copy !req
155. that the government uses
for national defense...Copy !req
156. corporate bailouts
and campaign discretionary funds.Copy !req
157. So I didn't pay those taxes.Copy !req
158. I think, actually...Copy !req
159. I sent a letter to that effect
with my return.Copy !req
160. Would it be the letter that begins,
“Dear Imperialist Swine”?Copy !req
161. Yes.Copy !req
162. Ms Pascal, what you're describing
is anarchy. Are you an anarchist?Copy !req
163. –You mean am I a member of...?
–An anarchist group, yes.Copy !req
164. Anarchists have a group?Copy !req
165. I believe so. Sure.Copy !req
166. They assemble?Copy !req
167. I don't know.Copy !req
168. Wouldn't that completely
defeat the purpose?Copy !req
169. It was difficult for Harold to imagine
Ms Pascal as a revolutionary.Copy !req
170. –Not now.
–Her thin arms...Copy !req
171. –What?
hoisting protest signs.Copy !req
172. –Her long shapely legs...
–Nothing.Copy !req
173. dashing from tear gas.Copy !req
174. Harold wasn't prone to fantasies...Copy !req
175. and so he tried his best
to remain professional.Copy !req
176. But, of course, failed.Copy !req
177. He couldn't help but imagine
Ms Pascal...Copy !req
178. stroking the side of his face
with the soft blade of her finger.Copy !req
179. He couldn't help but imagine her
immersed in a tub...Copy !req
180. shaving her legs.Copy !req
181. And he couldn't help
but imagine her naked...Copy !req
182. stretched across his bed.
–Mr Crick?Copy !req
183. –Mr Crick.
–Yes, what is it?Copy !req
184. You're staring at my tits.Copy !req
185. I wa...? I don't think I was.
I don't think I would do that.Copy !req
186. If I was, I can assure you...Copy !req
187. it was only as a representative
of the United States government.Copy !req
188. Sorry, I'm just having issues today.
So I'll be back on Tuesday.Copy !req
189. Harold suddenly found himself
beleaguered and exasperated...Copy !req
190. outside the bakery...
–Shut up!Copy !req
191. cursing the heavens in futility.Copy !req
192. No, I'm not, I'm cursing you,
you stupid voice!Copy !req
193. So shut up and leave me alone!Copy !req
194. Hey, watch it!Copy !req
195. Excuse me.Copy !req
196. Excuse me.Copy !req
197. Are you Miss Eiffel?Copy !req
198. –Yes.
–Excellent.Copy !req
199. May I ask what you're doing?Copy !req
200. Research.Copy !req
201. –Oh, am I interrupting?
–Yes.Copy !req
202. I'm sorry. I'm Penny Escher.Copy !req
203. I'm the assistant
your publishers hired.Copy !req
204. –The spy.
–The assistant.Copy !req
205. I provide the same services
as a secretary.Copy !req
206. I don't need a secretary.Copy !req
207. Then I will have to find some
other way of occupying my time.Copy !req
208. Like watching me like a vulture...Copy !req
209. because the publishers
think I have writer's block, right?Copy !req
210. Do you have writer's block?Copy !req
211. Are these pages?Copy !req
212. They're letters. To me.Copy !req
213. –Are you writing back?
–I don't respond to letters.Copy !req
214. And I suppose you smoked
all these cigarettes?Copy !req
215. No, they came pre-smoked.Copy !req
216. Yeah, they said you were funny.Copy !req
217. What do you think about
leaping off a building?Copy !req
218. I don't think about
leaping off buildings.Copy !req
219. –Yes, you do.
–No. I try to think of nice things.Copy !req
220. Everyone thinks about
leaping off buildings.Copy !req
221. Well, I certainly don't think about
leaping off of a building.Copy !req
222. They say...Copy !req
223. I read this in this
fantastically depressing book.Copy !req
224. –That when you jump
from a building...Copy !req
225. it's rarely the impact
that actually kills you.Copy !req
226. Well, I'm sure it doesn't help.Copy !req
227. There's a photograph
in the book called The Leaper.Copy !req
228. It's old, but it's beautiful.Copy !req
229. From above the corpse of a woman
who'd just leapt to her death.Copy !req
230. There's blood around her head,
like a halo...Copy !req
231. and her leg's buckled underneath,
her arm's snapped like a twig...Copy !req
232. but her face is so serene...Copy !req
233. so at peace.Copy !req
234. And I think it's because
when she died...Copy !req
235. she could feel the wind
against her face.Copy !req
236. I don't know how to kill Harold Crick.
That's why they sent you.Copy !req
237. Yes, to help you.Copy !req
238. How are you gonna help me?Copy !req
239. You, who never thinks
of leaping off buildings?Copy !req
240. What great inspiration
will you bestow on me?Copy !req
241. I'll tell you, the quaint ideas
you've gathered...Copy !req
242. in your adorable career
as an “assistant”...Copy !req
243. are to no avail
when faced with killing a man.Copy !req
244. I understand.Copy !req
245. Do you? I can't just...Copy !req
246. As much as I would like to...Copy !req
247. I cannot simply throw
Harold Crick off a building.Copy !req
248. Miss Eiffel. Kay. I've been
an author's assistant for 11 years.Copy !req
249. I've helped more than 20 authors
complete more than 35 books...Copy !req
250. and I've never missed the deadline.Copy !req
251. And I have never gone back to the
publisher to ask for more time.Copy !req
252. Now, I will be available to you
every minute of every day...Copy !req
253. until the final punctuation
is embedded on the very last page.Copy !req
254. I do not like loud music.
I do not abide narcotics.Copy !req
255. And I will gladly and quietly
help you kill Harold Crick.Copy !req
256. I had a very interesting little convo
with someone in your section.Copy !req
257. Yeah?Copy !req
258. They said you were feeling
a little wibbly-wobbly.Copy !req
259. Catch a little cubicle fever?Copy !req
260. Oh, I don't know. I think I'm okay.Copy !req
261. Harold, a tree doesn't think
it's a tree...Copy !req
262. it is a tree.Copy !req
263. Why was Harold talking to this man?Copy !req
264. This man was an idiot.Copy !req
265. This man used words like
“wibbly-wobbly” and “convo.”Copy !req
266. And explained that trees were trees.Copy !req
267. Of course trees were trees.Copy !req
268. Harold knew trees were trees.Copy !req
269. I am going to believe you, Harold.Copy !req
270. What Harold didn't know
was why he couldn't shake...Copy !req
271. the smell of brownies
from his senses.Copy !req
272. Why Ms Pascal had made
his fingertips quiver and lips go numb.Copy !req
273. Harold?Copy !req
274. Yes? Sorry.Copy !req
275. What's going on, Harold?Copy !req
276. Well...Copy !req
277. Nothing. Everything's fine.Copy !req
278. Listen, according to your records...Copy !req
279. you haven't taken vacation
in a few years now.Copy !req
280. Let's say you take a little break.Copy !req
281. Use some of that vaca time.Copy !req
282. Yeah. I'll think about it.Copy !req
283. Harold.Copy !req
284. I'm not really supposed to do this,
but...Copy !req
285. Harold assumed his watch
was simply on the fritz...Copy !req
286. and never even considered that it
might be trying to tell him something.Copy !req
287. In fact, Harold had never once
paid attention to his watch...Copy !req
288. other than to find out the time.Copy !req
289. And, honestly,
it drove his watch crazy.Copy !req
290. And so, on this particular
Wednesday evening...Copy !req
291. as Harold waited for the bus,
his watch suddenly...Copy !req
292. stopped.Copy !req
293. Sorry, does anyone have the time?Copy !req
294. –Yeah, I got 6:18.
–Thanks.Copy !req
295. Thus Harold's watch thrust him
into the immitigable path of fate.Copy !req
296. Little did he know that this simple,
seemingly innocuous act...Copy !req
297. would result in his imminent death.Copy !req
298. What? What?Copy !req
299. Hey! Hello?Copy !req
300. What?Copy !req
301. Why?Copy !req
302. Why my death?Copy !req
303. Hello!Copy !req
304. Excuse me!Copy !req
305. When?Copy !req
306. How imminent?Copy !req
307. Okay, where are you?Copy !req
308. “Harold would brush his 32 teeth
72 times.”Copy !req
309. Why won't you say anything?
I heard you.Copy !req
310. “That would result
in his imminent death.”Copy !req
311. I heard you!Copy !req
312. Come on, you stupid voice.Copy !req
313. “Harold frantically grabbed his lamp.Copy !req
314. Harold, incensed, shook the hell
out of it for no apparent reason!Copy !req
315. And smashed it on the ground,
kicking it repeatedly!Copy !req
316. Harold took his Kleenex box,
threw it across the room...Copy !req
317. then stormed the closet!”Copy !req
318. Come on. Say something.Copy !req
319. Something. Say something!Copy !req
320. Say something!Copy !req
321. “Harold, distraught... ”Copy !req
322. God.Copy !req
323. ”Harold, distraught..."Copy !req
324. “Harold... ”Copy !req
325. I'm afraid what you're describing
is schizophrenia.Copy !req
326. No. No. It's not schizophrenia.
It's just a voice in my head.Copy !req
327. I mean, the voice isn't telling me
to do anything.Copy !req
328. It's telling me what I've already done.Copy !req
329. Accurately
and with a better vocabulary.Copy !req
330. Mr Crick, you have a voice
speaking to you.Copy !req
331. No, not to me, about me.Copy !req
332. I'm somehow involved
in some sort of story.Copy !req
333. Like I'm a character in my own life.Copy !req
334. But the problem is
that the voice comes and goes.Copy !req
335. Like there are other parts of the story
not being told to me...Copy !req
336. and I need to find out what those
other parts are before it's too late.Copy !req
337. Before the story concludes
with your death.Copy !req
338. Yes.Copy !req
339. Mr Crick, I hate to sound
like a broken record...Copy !req
340. but that's schizophrenia.Copy !req
341. You don't sound like a broken record,
but it's just not schizophrenia.Copy !req
342. What if what I said was true?Copy !req
343. Hypothetically speaking,
if I was part of a story, a narrative...Copy !req
344. even if it was only in my mind...Copy !req
345. what would you suggest that I do?Copy !req
346. I would suggest
you take prescribed medication.Copy !req
347. Other than that.Copy !req
348. I don't know.Copy !req
349. I suppose I would send you to see
someone who knows about literature.Copy !req
350. Okay.Copy !req
351. Yeah. That's a good idea.Copy !req
352. Thank you.Copy !req
353. So you're the gentleman
who called me about the narrator.Copy !req
354. –Yes.
–This narrator says you're gonna die.Copy !req
355. Yes.Copy !req
356. –How long has it given you to live?
–I don't know.Copy !req
357. Dramatic irony.
It'll fuck you every time.Copy !req
358. –So you crazy or what?
–Well...Copy !req
359. Are you allowed to say that
to crazy people?Copy !req
360. –I don't know.
–Oh, well. How many stairs...Copy !req
361. in the hallway out there?
–What?Copy !req
362. You were counting them
as we walked, weren't you?Copy !req
363. No.Copy !req
364. Of course.
What bank do you work at?Copy !req
365. No bank. IRS agent.Copy !req
366. –Married?
–No.Copy !req
367. Ever?Copy !req
368. Engaged to an auditor.
She left me for an actuary.Copy !req
369. –How heartbreaking. Live alone?
–Yes.Copy !req
370. –Any pets?
–No.Copy !req
371. –Friends?
–No. Well, Dave at work.Copy !req
372. I see. The narrator,
exactly what does he sound like?Copy !req
373. It's a woman.Copy !req
374. A woman.Copy !req
375. –Is it a familiar woman?
–No.Copy !req
376. Someone you know?Copy !req
377. No.Copy !req
378. Did you have enough time
to count the tiles in the bathroom?Copy !req
379. I wasn't counting the tiles.Copy !req
380. –Coffee?
–No, thank you.Copy !req
381. –Sure?
–Yes.Copy !req
382. So this woman, the voice,
told you you're gonna die?Copy !req
383. She didn't tell me.
She doesn't know I can hear her.Copy !req
384. –But she said it.
–Yes.Copy !req
385. And you believed her.Copy !req
386. She's been right
about a few other things.Copy !req
387. –Such as?
–How I felt about work.Copy !req
388. –You dislike your work?
–Yes.Copy !req
389. Well, not the most insightful voice
in the world, is it?Copy !req
390. First thing on a list
of what Americans hate: Work.Copy !req
391. Second, traffic. Third, missing socks.
See what I'm saying?Copy !req
392. Sort of.Copy !req
393. I told you you were gonna die,
you believe me?Copy !req
394. –No.
–Why?Copy !req
395. I don't know you.Copy !req
396. –But you don't know this narrator.
–Well...Copy !req
397. –Okay, Mr Crick, I can't help you.
–Why?Copy !req
398. Well, I'm not an expert in crazy,
I'm an expert in literature theory.Copy !req
399. And I gotta tell you, thus far...Copy !req
400. there doesn't seem to be a single
literary thing about you.Copy !req
401. I don't doubt you hear a voice,
but it couldn't possibly be a narrator...Copy !req
402. because, frankly, there doesn't seem
to be much to narrate.Copy !req
403. Beside that, this semester
I'm teaching five courses.Copy !req
404. I'm mentoring
two doctoral candidates...Copy !req
405. and I'm the faculty lifeguard
at the pool.Copy !req
406. –I just thought you could possibly...
–Perhaps you should keep a journal.Copy !req
407. Write down what she said
or something.Copy !req
408. That's all I can suggest.Copy !req
409. I can barely remember it all.
I just remember:Copy !req
410. “Little did he know that this simple,
seemingly innocuous act...Copy !req
411. would lead to his imminent death.”Copy !req
412. –What?
–“Little did he know that this... ”Copy !req
413. –Did you say, “little did he know”?
–Yes.Copy !req
414. I've written papers
on “little did he know.”Copy !req
415. I used to teach a class
based on “little did he know.”Copy !req
416. I mean, I once gave an entire seminar
on “little did he know.”Copy !req
417. Son of a bitch, Harold.Copy !req
418. “Little did he know” means there's
something he doesn't know...Copy !req
419. that means there's something
you don't know. Did you know that?Copy !req
420. –I want you to come back Friday.
–Okay.Copy !req
421. No, “imminent,”
you could be dead by Friday.Copy !req
422. Come back tomorrow at 9:45.Copy !req
423. Ten seconds ago
you said you wouldn't help me.Copy !req
424. It's been a very revealing 10 seconds,
Harold.Copy !req
425. Harold was deep in thought.Copy !req
426. For a few, brief moments, from
Born Boulevard to Euclid Avenue...Copy !req
427. all the calculations
and all the rules...Copy !req
428. and all the precision of Harold's life
just faded away.Copy !req
429. How perfect then
that in this space...Copy !req
430. Ana Pascal would appear.Copy !req
431. Ms Pascal.Copy !req
432. Ms Pascal, it's Harold Crick
from the IRS.Copy !req
433. Excuse me.Copy !req
434. –Hi.
–Hi.Copy !req
435. –Would you like a seat?
–Nope.Copy !req
436. There's 11 open ones.Copy !req
437. I don't care.Copy !req
438. Sorry about that.Copy !req
439. How are you?Copy !req
440. I'm lousy. I'm being audited.Copy !req
441. Of course.Copy !req
442. By a real creep too.Copy !req
443. I think I owe you an apology.Copy !req
444. –Really?
–IRS agents...Copy !req
445. we're given rigorous aptitude tests
before we can work.Copy !req
446. Unfortunately for you, we aren't tested
on tact or good manners...Copy !req
447. so I apologize.Copy !req
448. I ogled you.Copy !req
449. Sorry.Copy !req
450. Okay, apology accepted.Copy !req
451. But only because you stammered.Copy !req
452. So you're a frequenter of the
metropolitan transit authority too?Copy !req
453. No. I'm just late.Copy !req
454. Big flag-burning to get to?Copy !req
455. Actually...Copy !req
456. it's my weekly evil-conspiracy
and needlepoint group.Copy !req
457. You wanna come?Copy !req
458. I left my thimbles and socialist
reading material at home.Copy !req
459. So...Copy !req
460. Harold nervously made small talk.Copy !req
461. You have very straight teeth.Copy !req
462. Very small talk.Copy !req
463. Thanks. They're real.Copy !req
464. Harold quickly calculated the odds
of making an ass of himself...Copy !req
465. in ratio to the amount of time
he stayed to chat.Copy !req
466. This is my stop. I should go.Copy !req
467. –He was elated and surprised...
–See you soon.Copy !req
468. by his somewhat flirtatious
encounter with Ms Pascal.Copy !req
469. So elated that he exited
the Transit Authority bus...Copy !req
470. a good 27 blocks too early
and would now have to walk.Copy !req
471. –“You ain't down yet.”
–That's right.Copy !req
472. Tell us, what is You Ain't Got
Nothin' On Me about, Emmett Cole?Copy !req
473. What does this mean?Copy !req
474. Well, it's about being around
in the world, doing different things...Copy !req
475. doing what you wanna do...
–Come in.Copy !req
476. Mr Crick. Come in, come in. Please.Copy !req
477. How are you?Copy !req
478. I'm fine, actually.Copy !req
479. You can turn that off.Copy !req
480. Looks like our narrator
hasn't killed you quite yet.Copy !req
481. –No, not yet.
–Good, great. Have a seat.Copy !req
482. –Count the stairs outside?
–No.Copy !req
483. Course not. I've devised a test...Copy !req
484. How exciting is that?
–Of 23 questions...Copy !req
485. which I think might help uncover
more truths about this narrator.Copy !req
486. –Now, Howard...
–Harold.Copy !req
487. Harold. These may seem silly,
but your candor is paramount.Copy !req
488. Okay.Copy !req
489. So.Copy !req
490. We know it's a woman's voice,
the story involves your death...Copy !req
491. it's modern, it's in English.Copy !req
492. I'm assuming the author
has a cursory knowledge of the city.Copy !req
493. –Sure.
–Okay, good.Copy !req
494. Question one:Copy !req
495. “Has anyone recently left
any gifts outside your home?”Copy !req
496. Anything? Gum? Money?Copy !req
497. –A large wooden horse?
–I'm sorry?Copy !req
498. –Just answer the question.
–No.Copy !req
499. “Do you find yourself inclined
to solve murder mysteries...Copy !req
500. in large, luxurious homes
to which...?” Let me finish.Copy !req
501. “To which you may or may not
have been invited?”Copy !req
502. No. No, no, no.Copy !req
503. All right. On a scale of one to 10...Copy !req
504. what would you consider the
likelihood you might be assassinated?Copy !req
505. Assassinated?Copy !req
506. One being very unlikely, 10 being
expecting it around every corner.Copy !req
507. –I have no idea...
–Okay. Let me rephrase.Copy !req
508. Are you the king of anything?Copy !req
509. –Like what?
–Anything.Copy !req
510. King of the lanes
at the local bowling alley.Copy !req
511. “King of the lanes”?Copy !req
512. –King of the lanes. King of the trolls.
–“King of the trolls”?Copy !req
513. Yes. A clandestine land
found underneath your floorboards.Copy !req
514. –Anything.
–No.Copy !req
515. No. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
516. Agreed. But let's start with ridiculous
and move backwards.Copy !req
517. Now, was any part of you at one time
part of something else?Copy !req
518. Like do I have someone else's arms?Copy !req
519. Well, is it possible at one time
that you were made of stone...Copy !req
520. wood, lye, varied corpse parts...Copy !req
521. or earth made holy
by rabbinical elders?Copy !req
522. No. Look... I'm sorry. What do these
questions have to do with anything?Copy !req
523. The only way to find out
what story you're in...Copy !req
524. is to determine what stories
you're not in.Copy !req
525. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out
half of Greek literature...Copy !req
526. seven fairy tales,
10 Chinese fables...Copy !req
527. and determined conclusively
that you are not King Hamlet...Copy !req
528. Scout Finch, Miss Marple...Copy !req
529. Frankenstein's monster,
or a golem.Copy !req
530. Aren't you relieved to know
you're not a golem?Copy !req
531. Yes, I am relieved to know
that I am not a golem.Copy !req
532. Good.Copy !req
533. Do you have magical powers?Copy !req
534. May I ask what we're doing out here?Copy !req
535. –We're imagining car wrecks.
–I see.Copy !req
536. And we can't imagine
car wrecks inside?Copy !req
537. No.Copy !req
538. Did you know
that 41 percent of accidents...Copy !req
539. occur in times
of inclement weather?Copy !req
540. So do 90 percent
of pneumonia cases.Copy !req
541. Really? Pneumonia.
That's an interesting way to die.Copy !req
542. But how would Harold
catch pneumonia?Copy !req
543. Have you written
anything new today?Copy !req
544. No.Copy !req
545. Did you read the poems I suggested,
or make a list of words...Copy !req
546. buy new typing paper, anything?Copy !req
547. No, none of it.Copy !req
548. Sitting in the rain won't write books.Copy !req
549. Well, that illustrates exactly how much
you know about writing books.Copy !req
550. What's this?Copy !req
551. It's literature on the nicotine patch.Copy !req
552. I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny.
I smoke cigarettes.Copy !req
553. Well, it may help.Copy !req
554. May help? Help what?Copy !req
555. Help what, Penny?
Help write a novel?Copy !req
556. May help save your life.Copy !req
557. I'm not in the business of saving lives.Copy !req
558. In fact, just the opposite.Copy !req
559. –“What's your favorite word?”
–Integer.Copy !req
560. Good, good, good.Copy !req
561. “Do you aspire to anything?”Copy !req
562. –No.
–Conquer Russia?Copy !req
563. –Win a whistling contest?
–No.Copy !req
564. Harold, you must
have some ambition.Copy !req
565. –I don't think so.
–Some underlying dream. Think.Copy !req
566. Well...Copy !req
567. I've always wanted my life
to be more musical.Copy !req
568. –Like West Side Story?
–No.Copy !req
569. –Like...
–What?Copy !req
570. Well, I've always wanted to learn
to play the guitar.Copy !req
571. Okay.Copy !req
572. The last thing
to determine conclusively...Copy !req
573. is whether you're in a comedy
or a tragedy.Copy !req
574. To quote Italo Calvino:Copy !req
575. “The ultimate meaning
to which all stories refer has two faces:Copy !req
576. The continuity of life,
the inevitability of death.”Copy !req
577. Tragedy, you die.
Comedy, you get hitched.Copy !req
578. Most comic heroes
fall in love with people...Copy !req
579. introduced after the story
has begun.Copy !req
580. Usually people
who hate the hero initially.Copy !req
581. Although I can't imagine anyone
hating you, Harold.Copy !req
582. Professor Hilbert, I'm an IRS agent.Copy !req
583. Everyone hates me.Copy !req
584. Right, right. Good.Copy !req
585. Have you met anyone recently
who might loathe the very core of you?Copy !req
586. I just started auditing a woman
who told me to get bent.Copy !req
587. Well, that sounds like a comedy.Copy !req
588. Try to develop that.Copy !req
589. Four of these?Copy !req
590. You know, I didn't get my honey,
honey.Copy !req
591. Lulu, can you refill the honey
for Larry? Quarters also?Copy !req
592. That's my good boy.Copy !req
593. I'm adding some acorns.Copy !req
594. Mr Crick.Copy !req
595. You're here early.
Must have a lot of people to extort.Copy !req
596. No. No, just you.Copy !req
597. –Twig tea and banana bread.
–Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
598. Actually, it should only take the day to
make sure 22 percent is all you owe.Copy !req
599. Well, I won't be paying no matter
the percentage, Mr Crick.Copy !req
600. No, I know. But the percent
determines how big your cell is.Copy !req
601. You know, you can call me Harold.Copy !req
602. Yeah, I know. But I don't want to.Copy !req
603. This is for Ramona, honey.Copy !req
604. –Oh, thank you.
–You're very welcome.Copy !req
605. What is that?
What are you marking?Copy !req
606. Oh, this is nothing.Copy !req
607. Why don't we start
with your backup documents...Copy !req
608. and the receipts
for the past three years.Copy !req
609. Sure.Copy !req
610. What's this?Copy !req
611. –My files.
–What?Copy !req
612. My tax files.Copy !req
613. You keep your files like this?Copy !req
614. No, actually I'm quite fastidious.Copy !req
615. I put them in this box
just to screw with you.Copy !req
616. –Hi.
–Hi. How are you?Copy !req
617. So how was it? Aruba.Copy !req
618. Ms Pascal? Can I just ask you
a question about this receipt?Copy !req
619. –It was fantastic.
–Just wondering if this nine is a seven.Copy !req
620. –And what did you do?
–I got a beautiful tan.Copy !req
621. –I'm just gonna guess it's a seven.
–I mean, I feel stress-free.Copy !req
622. Do you need help with that?Copy !req
623. –Walk to heaven. I see the president.Copy !req
624. –It's the taxman. Hello, Mr Taxman.
–Yeah.Copy !req
625. –You can call me Harold.
–Okay.Copy !req
626. –How the numbers going?
–Pretty good.Copy !req
627. –Gonna find that 22 percent?
–22 percent?Copy !req
628. Twenty-two, 11 times 2.
It's prime numbers.Copy !req
629. –You gonna tax the bathroom?
–No, I'm not gonna tax the bathroom.Copy !req
630. –Could I use the bathroom, then?
–Go for it.Copy !req
631. Okay. I wanna use the bathroom.
Bye now.Copy !req
632. Bye-bye.Copy !req
633. Well, good night.Copy !req
634. You want a cookie?Copy !req
635. Oh, no.Copy !req
636. Come on. They're warm and gooey.
They're fresh out of the oven.Copy !req
637. No, I don't like cookies.Copy !req
638. You don't like cookies?Copy !req
639. –What's wrong with you?
–I don't know.Copy !req
640. –Everybody likes cookies.
–No, I know.Copy !req
641. I mean, after a really awful,
no-good day...Copy !req
642. didn't your mama ever make you
milk and cookies?Copy !req
643. No. My mother didn't bake.Copy !req
644. The only cookies I ever had
were store-bought.Copy !req
645. Okay. Sit down.Copy !req
646. –No, I'm...
–No.Copy !req
647. Sit down.Copy !req
648. Now...Copy !req
649. eat a cookie.Copy !req
650. I really can't.Copy !req
651. Mr Crick, it was a really awful day.Copy !req
652. I know, I made sure of it.Copy !req
653. So pick up the cookie...Copy !req
654. dip it in the milk...Copy !req
655. and eat it.Copy !req
656. That's a really, really good cookie.Copy !req
657. So when did you decide
to become a baker?Copy !req
658. –In college.
–Oh, like a cooking college?Copy !req
659. I went to Harvard Law actually.Copy !req
660. –Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed it was...
–No. No, it's fine. I didn't finish.Copy !req
661. –Did something happen?
–No.Copy !req
662. I was barely accepted.
I mean, really barely.Copy !req
663. The only reason they let me come
was because of my essay.Copy !req
664. How I was gonna make the world
a better place with my degree.Copy !req
665. Anyway, we would have to participate
in these study sessions...Copy !req
666. my classmates and I,
sometimes all night long.Copy !req
667. And so I'd bake so no one
would go hungry while we worked.Copy !req
668. Sometimes I would bake all afternoon
in the kitchen in the dorm...Copy !req
669. and then I'd bring my little treats
to the study groups...Copy !req
670. and people loved them.Copy !req
671. Eat.Copy !req
672. I made oatmeal cookies,
peanut-butter bars...Copy !req
673. dark-chocolate
macadamia-nut wedges.Copy !req
674. And everyone would eat
and stay happy...Copy !req
675. and study harder
and do better on the tests.Copy !req
676. More and more people started
coming to the study groups...Copy !req
677. and I'd bring more snacks.Copy !req
678. I was always looking
for better and better recipes...Copy !req
679. until soon it was ricotta cheese
and apricot croissants...Copy !req
680. and mocha bars
with an almond glaze...Copy !req
681. and lemon chiffon cake
with zesty peach icing.Copy !req
682. And at the end of the semester
I had 27 study partners...Copy !req
683. eight Mead journals
filled with recipes...Copy !req
684. and a D average.Copy !req
685. So I dropped out.Copy !req
686. I figured if I was gonna
make the world a better place...Copy !req
687. I would do it with cookies.Copy !req
688. You like them?Copy !req
689. I do.Copy !req
690. I'm glad.Copy !req
691. Thank you for forcing me
to eat them.Copy !req
692. You're welcome.Copy !req
693. I should go. Oh, thank you.
For the cookies, I mean.Copy !req
694. –Why don't you take them home?
–Oh, no.Copy !req
695. –Oh, come on.
–No, really, please.Copy !req
696. –No, really, please.
–No, no, no. Really, please.Copy !req
697. I would like to, but I can't.Copy !req
698. –You can't?
–No, no, I mean...Copy !req
699. Because, see, it constitutes a gift.Copy !req
700. Actually I shouldn't have even had
those other ones, so...Copy !req
701. Okay. Well, I'm not
gonna tell anyone.Copy !req
702. –No. I know, but if you did...
–Well, I'm not going to.Copy !req
703. I know, but if you did...Copy !req
704. –What, you think I'm gonna call the...?
–No, no. I'll purchase them.Copy !req
705. I'm happy to purchase them.
How's that?Copy !req
706. And then there are no issues.Copy !req
707. –What?
–No.Copy !req
708. –Please.
–Just...Copy !req
709. –Why don't I just...?
–Go home.Copy !req
710. Really, it's not a big deal.Copy !req
711. Go home.Copy !req
712. Okay.Copy !req
713. Did you?Copy !req
714. You baked those cookies for me,
didn't you?Copy !req
715. You were just trying to be nice
and I totally blew it.Copy !req
716. This may sound like gibberish
to you...Copy !req
717. but I think I'm in a tragedy.Copy !req
718. Professor Hilbert, I've totally failed
at the comedy-tragedy thing.Copy !req
719. In fact, I think she likes me even less.Copy !req
720. –I know, it's great.
–What do you mean?Copy !req
721. You've proved something else
entirely.Copy !req
722. The voice seems to be dependent
on actions you take.Copy !req
723. You reset your watch,
it says you reset your watch.Copy !req
724. You ride a bus,
it says you ride the bus.Copy !req
725. You brush your teeth,
it says you brush your teeth.Copy !req
726. It may be that you yourself
are perpetuating the story.Copy !req
727. –So I suggest we try something else.
–Like what?Copy !req
728. –Try nothing. Nothing.
–What about Ms Pascal?Copy !req
729. –Forget her.
–Forget her?Copy !req
730. Other than numbers,
she's all I think about.Copy !req
731. Harold, if you wanna stay alive,
you'll try something else.Copy !req
732. –That something being nothing?
–Nothing, exactly.Copy !req
733. –Nothing?
–Let me explain this again.Copy !req
734. Some plots are moved forward
by external events and crises.Copy !req
735. Others are moved forward
by the characters themselves.Copy !req
736. If I go through that door,
the plot continues.Copy !req
737. The story of me through the door.
If I stay here...Copy !req
738. the plot can't move forward,
the story ends.Copy !req
739. Also if I stay here, I'm late.Copy !req
740. –Don't do anything tomorrow.
–Nothing?Copy !req
741. Stay home. Don't answer the phone,
open the door, brush your teeth.Copy !req
742. –What about work?
–Call them.Copy !req
743. –Tell them you're not coming.
–Don't go to work?Copy !req
744. Don't do anything that may
move the plot forward.Copy !req
745. Instead, let's see if the plot finds you.Copy !req
746. Marshall, you're not kicking.Copy !req
747. –Certain that these geese have never
known any home but this one:Copy !req
748. A small lake in Eastern Poland.Copy !req
749. Pollution from a nearby factory
is slowly killing...Copy !req
750. the small fish and insects
on which these creatures feed.Copy !req
751. All attempts to move the birds to
similar bodies of water have failed.Copy !req
752. Perhaps it is the familiarity alone
that keeps them here.Copy !req
753. Or perhaps it's an unwillingness
to lose the collective memory...Copy !req
754. of the once-beautiful hills
that surround the lake.Copy !req
755. And it takes only seconds
for the fiddler crabs to realize...Copy !req
756. that the wader
they might once have feared...Copy !req
757. has now become their prey.Copy !req
758. The wounded bird knows its fate.Copy !req
759. Its desperate attempts to escape...Copy !req
760. only underscore the hopelessness
of its plight.Copy !req
761. The primates' sad, soulful eyes
will be the first to be plucked out...Copy !req
762. then sold to cosmetic companies
around the world...Copy !req
763. for use in the testing of mascara
and artificial tears.Copy !req
764. Next, the monkeys' fur will be stripped
away from their limp corpses...Copy !req
765. and sewn together
to form pillows and comforters.Copy !req
766. Mr Zebra thought he was gonna
take a nice drink.Copy !req
767. But you never know
who's gonna eat...Copy !req
768. when you're dining
at Mother Nature's restaurant.Copy !req
769. That's gotta hurt. What does
this bald eagle wanna serve...Copy !req
770. with some kidney beans
and a fine Chianti?Copy !req
771. It's an eel. And again:Copy !req
772. Looks like old Mr Crocodile
wanted some antelope...Copy !req
773. to clear that salty zebra
from his palate.Copy !req
774. Here's a struggle betting gentlemen
have been known to put money on.Copy !req
775. When a mongoose encounters a cobra
it's hard to know who's gonna win.Copy !req
776. But this time it looks like
it's... the cobra...Copy !req
777. who's putting the squeeze
on the mongoose!Copy !req
778. But don't cash in your chips
just yet, gentlemen...Copy !req
779. because now it's the mongoose
who holds the winning card!Copy !req
780. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
781. Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?Copy !req
782. –Holy crapping hell.
–What the hell is that?Copy !req
783. –Stop the crane. Stop it.
–Stop the crane!Copy !req
784. –Hey.
–Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
785. Us? What are you doing?Copy !req
786. I was watching TV.Copy !req
787. –Well, we're demolishing this place.
–Are you nuts? I live here!Copy !req
788. –Is that a TV?
–Yes, that's a TV! It's my TV!Copy !req
789. –Well, what's your TV doing in there?
–I said I live here, stupid!Copy !req
790. It's where I keep my stuff!Copy !req
791. My name's on the goddamn buzzer!
Harold Crick.Copy !req
792. Apartment 2-B, 1893 McCarthy!Copy !req
793. –Did you say 1893?
–Yes!Copy !req
794. I'm not exactly sure it was plot.Copy !req
795. I was hoping you'd say it was
just a really bad coincidence.Copy !req
796. Meeting an insurance agent the day
your policy runs out is coincidence.Copy !req
797. Getting a letter from the emperor
saying that he's visiting is plot.Copy !req
798. Having your apartment eaten
by a wrecking ball...Copy !req
799. is something else entirely.Copy !req
800. Harold, you don't control your fate.Copy !req
801. –I know.
–You do?Copy !req
802. Okay. Come with me.Copy !req
803. Hey, Tom, can you leave that
till tomorrow?Copy !req
804. You were right.
This narrator might very well kill you...Copy !req
805. so I humbly suggest that you just
forget all this and go live your life.Copy !req
806. Go live my life? I am living my life.
I'd like to continue to live my life.Copy !req
807. I know. Of course. I mean all of it.
However long you have left.Copy !req
808. You know, I mean, Howard,
you could use it to have an adventure.Copy !req
809. You know, invent something, or just
finish reading Crime and Punishment.Copy !req
810. Hell, Harold, you could just eat
nothing but pancakes if you wanted.Copy !req
811. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
812. Hey. I don't wanna eat
nothing but pancakes. I wanna live.Copy !req
813. Who in their right mind in a
choice between pancakes and living...Copy !req
814. chooses pancakes?Copy !req
815. Harold, if you'd pause to think
I believe you'd realize...Copy !req
816. that that answer's
inextricably contingent...Copy !req
817. upon the type of life being led...Copy !req
818. and, of course,
the quality of the pancakes.Copy !req
819. You don't understand
what I'm saying.Copy !req
820. Yes, I do.Copy !req
821. But you have to understand that this
isn't a philosophy or a literary theory...Copy !req
822. or a story to me. It's my life.Copy !req
823. Absolutely. So just go make it the one
you've always wanted.Copy !req
824. I never expected
that they would have...Copy !req
825. –Do you want one, two?
–I want one.Copy !req
826. –One?
–I want two.Copy !req
827. All right, so here's your room.Copy !req
828. Or as I like to call it, Sleep Pod Two.Copy !req
829. Thanks, Dave.Copy !req
830. No problem, dude.
It'll be nice having you around.Copy !req
831. –How long you planning on staying?
–I'm not sure.Copy !req
832. Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract,
purely hypothetical question?Copy !req
833. Sure.Copy !req
834. If you knew you were gonna die...Copy !req
835. possibly soon...Copy !req
836. what would you do?Copy !req
837. Wow, I don't know.Copy !req
838. Am I the richest man in the world?Copy !req
839. No, you're you.Copy !req
840. Do I have a superpower?Copy !req
841. No, you're you.Copy !req
842. I know I'm me,
but do I have a superpower?Copy !req
843. No, why would you
have a superpower?Copy !req
844. I don't know,
you said it was hypothetical.Copy !req
845. Fine. Yes. You're really good at math.Copy !req
846. That's not a power, that's a skill.Copy !req
847. Okay, you're good at math
and you're invisible.Copy !req
848. –And you know you're gonna die.
–Okay, okay.Copy !req
849. That's easy, I'd go to space camp.Copy !req
850. Space camp?Copy !req
851. Yeah, it's in Alabama. It's where kids
go to learn how to become astronauts.Copy !req
852. I've always wanted to go
since I was 9.Copy !req
853. You're invisible
and you'd go to space camp?Copy !req
854. I didn't pick invisible,
you picked invisible.Copy !req
855. Aren't you too old
to go to space camp?Copy !req
856. You're never too old
to go to space camp, dude.Copy !req
857. Space camp.Copy !req
858. One hundred and twenty-two
guitars.Copy !req
859. Seven hundred and thirty-two
strings.Copy !req
860. Two hundred and fifty-seven
pickups.Copy !req
861. One hundred and eighty-nine
volume knobs.Copy !req
862. Here Harold stood, face to face
with his oldest desire.Copy !req
863. And stand is almost all Harold did.Copy !req
864. It wasn't just about finding
a guitar.Copy !req
865. It was about finding a guitar
that said something about Harold.Copy !req
866. Unfortunately, this guitar said:Copy !req
867. “When I get back to Georgia,
that woman gonna feel my pain. ”Copy !req
868. This one said something
along the lines of:Copy !req
869. “Why, yes, these pants are Lycra.”Copy !req
870. These said, “I'm very sensitive,
very caring...Copy !req
871. and I have absolutely no idea
how to play the guitar. ”Copy !req
872. “I'm compensating for something.
Guess what. ”Copy !req
873. And then Harold saw it.Copy !req
874. A damaged and terribly mistreated
sea-foam-green Fender...Copy !req
875. staring back at him.Copy !req
876. Despite its obvious maladies...Copy !req
877. the guitar spoke
with conviction and swagger.Copy !req
878. In fact, it looked Harold directly
in the eye and very plainly stated:Copy !req
879. “I rock.”Copy !req
880. Just breathe. Watch it!Copy !req
881. We've got a 21 -year-old male
with a gunshot wound to the chest.Copy !req
882. There you go.Copy !req
883. Shot in a gang fight?
Harold's not in a gang.Copy !req
884. Man in tweed?Copy !req
885. There's nothing wrong with him,
he just likes looking at sick people.Copy !req
886. Oddly spoken with disdain.Copy !req
887. This isn't working.Copy !req
888. Well... I don't even know
why we're here.Copy !req
889. I don't think we're supposed
to be here.Copy !req
890. –You said I needed visual stimuli.
–I meant a museum.Copy !req
891. I don't need a goddamn museum.
I need the infirm.Copy !req
892. You are the infirm.Copy !req
893. You're right. The problem is
these people aren't dead...Copy !req
894. they're just severely injured.Copy !req
895. Excuse me,
where are the dying people?Copy !req
896. Most of these people
are sick or injured...Copy !req
897. Which is great, don't get me wrong.Copy !req
898. –But they're gonna get better,
which doesn't really help me.Copy !req
899. Is there any way to see the people
who aren't going to get better?Copy !req
900. Excuse me?Copy !req
901. I'd like to see, if at all possible,
the ones who aren't gonna make it.Copy !req
902. You know, the dead-for-sure ones.Copy !req
903. I'm sorry,
are you suffering from anything?Copy !req
904. Just writer's block.Copy !req
905. With every awkward strum...Copy !req
906. Harold Crick became stronger
in who he was...Copy !req
907. what he wanted,
and why he was alive.Copy !req
908. Harold no longer ate alone.Copy !req
909. He no longer counted brushstrokes.Copy !req
910. –Harold, I'll see you.
–He no longer wore neckties.Copy !req
911. Bye, Dave.Copy !req
912. And, therefore, no longer worried
about the time it took to put them on.Copy !req
913. He no longer counted his steps
to the bus stop.Copy !req
914. Instead, Harold did that
which had terrified him before.Copy !req
915. That which had eluded him
Monday through Friday...Copy !req
916. for so many years.Copy !req
917. That which the unrelenting lyrics...Copy !req
918. of numerous punk-rock songs
told him to do:Copy !req
919. Harold Crick lived his life.Copy !req
920. But despite resuscitating his life...Copy !req
921. reviving his hope, and instilling
a few wicked calluses...Copy !req
922. Harold's journey
was still incomplete.Copy !req
923. And Harold's wristwatch wasn't about
to let him miss another opportunity.Copy !req
924. Ms Pascal?Copy !req
925. –Ms Pascal?
–Mr Crick.Copy !req
926. –Hi.
–Hi.Copy !req
927. –Hi.
–Hi.Copy !req
928. I'm glad I caught you.Copy !req
929. Oh, yeah? Why?Copy !req
930. Because I wanted
to bring these to you.Copy !req
931. –Really?
–Yeah.Copy !req
932. So you can't accept gifts,
but you can give them?Copy !req
933. –Listen...
–I don't know.Copy !req
934. That seems a little inconsistent,
doesn't it, Mr Crick?Copy !req
935. Very inconsistent, yes.Copy !req
936. I'll tell you what.
I'll purchase them.Copy !req
937. –No.
–No, no, no, really...Copy !req
938. I'd like to purchase them.
What are they?Copy !req
939. Flours.Copy !req
940. –What?
–I brought you flours.Copy !req
941. And you carried them
all the way here?Copy !req
942. Ms Pascal, I've been odd
and I know that I've been odd.Copy !req
943. And I want you.Copy !req
944. –What?
–There's so many reasons.Copy !req
945. There's so many influences in my life
that are telling me...Copy !req
946. at times quite literally...Copy !req
947. that I should come here
and bring you these...Copy !req
948. but I'm doing this
because I want you.Copy !req
949. You want me?Copy !req
950. In no uncertain terms.Copy !req
951. Isn't there some very clear
and established...Copy !req
952. rule about fraternization?Copy !req
953. –Auditor-auditee protocol?
–Yeah.Copy !req
954. Yeah, but I don't care.Copy !req
955. –Why?
–Because I want you.Copy !req
956. Well...Copy !req
957. do you mind carrying those
a little bit further?Copy !req
958. Okay.Copy !req
959. Okay.Copy !req
960. Did you make a key?Copy !req
961. No, I just committed it to memory.Copy !req
962. –The blue, that's barley flour.
–What's that one?Copy !req
963. –The orange?
–Yeah.Copy !req
964. I forget.Copy !req
965. Right here.Copy !req
966. Do you wanna come up?Copy !req
967. –To your place?
–Yeah.Copy !req
968. I guess I could.Copy !req
969. Wasn't that the idea with the flours
and everything?Copy !req
970. Honestly, I only figured it out
up to “I want you.”Copy !req
971. Listen, Mr Crick...Copy !req
972. I think I like you.Copy !req
973. And before I do anything rash,
I'd like to make sure.Copy !req
974. I'd like you to come up.Copy !req
975. I'd be honored.Copy !req
976. Great.Copy !req
977. Yeah, he was nuts though.Copy !req
978. He got caught when he tried
to get the contract notarized.Copy !req
979. No. No.Copy !req
980. Was it good?Copy !req
981. Thank you.Copy !req
982. –You're welcome.
–Can I help you?Copy !req
983. No, no, I'm gonna put them in the sink.
Go sit down on the couch.Copy !req
984. So do you play the guitar?Copy !req
985. –What?
–Do you play the guitar?Copy !req
986. Terribly. Someone traded me that
for a wedding cake.Copy !req
987. Does that mean I have to claim it
on my taxes now?Copy !req
988. –No. I'll leave it out of my final report.
–Oh, thanks.Copy !req
989. Do you play?Copy !req
990. Not really. I only know one song.Copy !req
991. Oh, play it.Copy !req
992. No, I don't know it that well, actually.Copy !req
993. No, come on. I promise I'm not gonna
laugh at you. Play it.Copy !req
994. No, no, no. Maybe some other time.Copy !req
995. All right.Copy !req
996. Ms Pascal?Copy !req
997. –I...
–I know.Copy !req
998. I want you too.Copy !req
999. Harold's life was filled with moments
both significant and mundane.Copy !req
1000. But to Harold, those moments
remained entirely indistinguishable...Copy !req
1001. except for this.Copy !req
1002. As Ana let out a soft sigh and
repositioned herself against him...Copy !req
1003. Harold knew
somewhere in his heart...Copy !req
1004. that this was one
of the significant moments.Copy !req
1005. He knew she was
falling in love with him.Copy !req
1006. Professor Hilbert. It's a comedy.Copy !req
1007. –What?
–A comedy.Copy !req
1008. The woman. The one who hates me.
Ana Pascal?Copy !req
1009. –Last night...
–Yeah?Copy !req
1010. She's falling in love with me.Copy !req
1011. –She is?
–It's like a miracle.Copy !req
1012. The voice confirmed it
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
1013. Well, that's wonderful, Harold.Copy !req
1014. I mean, it completely nullifies my list,
but that's fantastic.Copy !req
1015. What list?Copy !req
1016. These are seven living authors
whose prior work...Copy !req
1017. would seem to make them
candidates to write your story...Copy !req
1018. based on the criteria you and I
previously determined.Copy !req
1019. If your narrator is alive,
she's on this list.Copy !req
1020. But it appears the list
is of little use to you now.Copy !req
1021. Now that you're gonna live
happily ever after.Copy !req
1022. Oh, goodie. This woman, Karen Eiffel,
she's one of my favorite authors.Copy !req
1023. –Hi.
–Hi.Copy !req
1024. Beautiful tragedies. Just beautiful.
Anyway...Copy !req
1025. let me quickly copy this list for you,
just in case.Copy !req
1026. Sociopathic author.Copy !req
1027. –I just wanted to thank you.
–Of course.Copy !req
1028. Listen, please, you must tell me if you
hear the voice of the narrator again...Copy !req
1029. just for my own edification.Copy !req
1030. I will.Copy !req
1031. Well, it's called Death and Taxes.Copy !req
1032. Wow. You know, I'm from Texas.Copy !req
1033. No. Not “Texas.” Taxes.Copy !req
1034. Death and Taxes.
Death and Taxes.Copy !req
1035. Taxes.
Like the Benjamin Franklin quote.Copy !req
1036. Precisely so.Copy !req
1037. This lady's a package,
I'm telling you.Copy !req
1038. Tell us, what is this next book
going to be about?Copy !req
1039. It's about interconnectivity.Copy !req
1040. The looming certainty of death.Copy !req
1041. Men's fashion accessories.Copy !req
1042. –Oh, my God, that's her.
–What?Copy !req
1043. –That's the voice. She's the narrator.
–No, that can't be right.Copy !req
1044. No, I'm positive.Copy !req
1045. Harold, this interview's a decade old.Copy !req
1046. I didn't think anyone actually
wore cuff links anymore.Copy !req
1047. That's her.Copy !req
1048. –She's British?
–She's her.Copy !req
1049. –Karen Eiffel?
–Professor Hilbert, I know that voice.Copy !req
1050. Crap.Copy !req
1051. –What's wrong?
–First of all, she wasn't on my list.Copy !req
1052. I figured you would have mentioned
the accent and she doesn't...Copy !req
1053. She kills people.Copy !req
1054. –What?
–In every book she...Copy !req
1055. The books are all about...
They die. She kills them.Copy !req
1056. –Kills who?
–The heroes.Copy !req
1057. Four Black Veils. What is that?Copy !req
1058. It's about a girl who loses
several members of her family...Copy !req
1059. in quick succession.Copy !req
1060. Where is she?Copy !req
1061. She's untraceable. Believe me,
I used to teach a class on her.Copy !req
1062. I've written her letters. I mean,
she's a hermit, she's a recluse.Copy !req
1063. Here. Here's the last book she wrote.Copy !req
1064. Look at the copyright. She hasn't
published anything in 10 years.Copy !req
1065. She had knowledge of the city.
Does she live here?Copy !req
1066. She used to, yes, but I mean...Copy !req
1067. Banneker Press. 2267 Wallace Street.
Is that her publisher?Copy !req
1068. You're not listening. I said even
if you find her she's not gonna...Copy !req
1069. Thank you for your help.Copy !req
1070. She only writes tragedies!Copy !req
1071. I don't believe in God.Copy !req
1072. Okay, he's bringing her flours.Copy !req
1073. Kay, where you been?Copy !req
1074. I went out to buy cigarettes...Copy !req
1075. and I figured out
how to kill Harold Crick.Copy !req
1076. Buying cigarettes?Copy !req
1077. As I was...
When I came out of the store...Copy !req
1078. it came to me.Copy !req
1079. How?Copy !req
1080. Well, Penny,
like anything worth writing...Copy !req
1081. it came inexplicably
and without method.Copy !req
1082. I see. Then what happens?Copy !req
1083. It's perfect, actually. I can't believe
I didn't think of it earlier.Copy !req
1084. It's simple, ironic...Copy !req
1085. possibly heartbreaking.Copy !req
1086. Is that it?Copy !req
1087. Yes.Copy !req
1088. –You wrote it on legal sheets?
–On the bus.Copy !req
1089. Well, then.Copy !req
1090. So I'll finish it today.Copy !req
1091. I'll let the publishers know.Copy !req
1092. I'll begin packing my things.Copy !req
1093. I appreciate it.Copy !req
1094. –Hi. Hello. Hi.
–May I help you?Copy !req
1095. I need to speak to Karen Eiffel.Copy !req
1096. –I'm sorry?
–Karen Eiffel.Copy !req
1097. She's one of your authors.
I need to talk to her.Copy !req
1098. Well, sir, she's not here.Copy !req
1099. No. No, I know. I need to find her.
I need to know where she is.Copy !req
1100. We're just the publishers.Copy !req
1101. Right. Of course. But there must be
a way that I can contact her.Copy !req
1102. We have the address
where her fan mail is sent.Copy !req
1103. No, I can't send mail. It's urgent.Copy !req
1104. How do you know her?Copy !req
1105. –I'm her brother.
–Her brother?Copy !req
1106. –Her brother-in-law.
–She has a sister?Copy !req
1107. No, I'm married to her brother.Copy !req
1108. Not in this state, the one over.Copy !req
1109. Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave.Copy !req
1110. No. Okay. Listen.Copy !req
1111. I'm one of her characters. I'm new.
I'm in her new book.Copy !req
1112. And she's going to kill me.
Not actually. But in the book.Copy !req
1113. But I think it'll actually kill me
so I just need to talk to her...Copy !req
1114. and ask her to stop.Copy !req
1115. Hi, Harold. Nice sweater.Copy !req
1116. Hi, Harold. Phones are out.Copy !req
1117. Hey, Harold, 19 percent of 4632?Copy !req
1118. Hey, Harold. Back from your vaca?Copy !req
1119. Hey. Looking good.Copy !req
1120. –He looks terrible.
–Yeah, banged up.Copy !req
1121. Wherever he went,
I do not want to go.Copy !req
1122. Book me not there.Copy !req
1123. He's totally ignoring me.Copy !req
1124. Here, look at this now.
There he goes.Copy !req
1125. It was good having you.Copy !req
1126. –Oh, dude, the phones are out.
–Can I borrow your cell phone?Copy !req
1127. –The signal's down.
–Damn it.Copy !req
1128. –You all right?
–Dave, I need a favor.Copy !req
1129. –Sure, what is it?
–Can I have some change?Copy !req
1130. Within moments, Harold found himself
running across the plaza...Copy !req
1131. heading for the nearest
pay phone.Copy !req
1132. At last, he spotted it.Copy !req
1133. But as Harold neared the phone,
he saw it was occupied...Copy !req
1134. by an octogenarian determined
to reach his daughter in Denver...Copy !req
1135. no matter how many quarters
it took.Copy !req
1136. Fortunately, Harold remembered
a bank of phones...Copy !req
1137. in the Sixth Street subway tunnel.Copy !req
1138. The baby's name isn't Mrs. Epstein.
My daughter's name is Mrs. Epstein.Copy !req
1139. The first phone
failed to give a dial tone.Copy !req
1140. And the second
seemed to be splattered...Copy !req
1141. with a fresh batch of mucus.Copy !req
1142. Harold dialed the third phone...Copy !req
1143. fervently making sure to give each
number key a specific forceful push.Copy !req
1144. Don't answer that!Copy !req
1145. Didn't you say this phone never r...?Copy !req
1146. –Hello?
–Is this Karen Eiffel?Copy !req
1147. –Yes.
–My name is Harold Crick.Copy !req
1148. I believe you're writing a story
about me.Copy !req
1149. –I'm sorry?
–My name is Harold Crick.Copy !req
1150. –Is this a joke?
–No.Copy !req
1151. No, I work for the IRS. My name,
Miss Eiffel, is Harold Crick.Copy !req
1152. When I go through the files at work
I hear a deep and endless ocean.Copy !req
1153. –Oh, G...!
–Miss Eiffel?Copy !req
1154. Hello?Copy !req
1155. Miss Eiffel? Hello?Copy !req
1156. Let him in.Copy !req
1157. Hello.Copy !req
1158. Hello.Copy !req
1159. I'm Penny. I'm Kay's assistant.Copy !req
1160. Oh, I'm Harold. Her main character.Copy !req
1161. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1162. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1163. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1164. Miss Eiffel?Copy !req
1165. Your hair. Your eyes.Copy !req
1166. Your fingers.Copy !req
1167. Your shoes.Copy !req
1168. Hello.Copy !req
1169. I'm Harold Crick.Copy !req
1170. I know.Copy !req
1171. How did you find me?Copy !req
1172. We audited you
a little more than 10 years ago...Copy !req
1173. and your number was in the file.Copy !req
1174. I'm sorry,
but this is incredibly strange.Copy !req
1175. You're telling me.Copy !req
1176. Didn't you think you were crazy?Copy !req
1177. Sort of.Copy !req
1178. But then you were right
about everything. Like, everything.Copy !req
1179. And then you said,
“Little did he know.”Copy !req
1180. –“Little did he know”?
–Yeah. It's third-person omniscient.Copy !req
1181. Jesus.Copy !req
1182. Which meant it was, well, you know,
someone other than me.Copy !req
1183. At least that's what
Professor Hilbert said.Copy !req
1184. Professor Hilbert?Copy !req
1185. –Professor Jules Hilbert?
–Yeah.Copy !req
1186. Yeah, he loves your books.Copy !req
1187. I love his letters. I don't...Copy !req
1188. So you understand
why I had to find you...Copy !req
1189. and ask you not to kill me.
–What?Copy !req
1190. I mean, obviously
you haven't written the end.Copy !req
1191. Harold...Copy !req
1192. I mean, now since we've met
and you can see that I exist...Copy !req
1193. you're not gonna kill me, right?Copy !req
1194. Have you written it?Copy !req
1195. I can... No.Copy !req
1196. –Have you written it?
–An outline.Copy !req
1197. Okay. But it's just an outline, right?Copy !req
1198. –Yeah, sort of.
–“Sort of”?Copy !req
1199. –It's just not typed.
–“Not typed”?Copy !req
1200. –Maybe that's okay.
–What does that mean?Copy !req
1201. –I'm sorry, I'm trying to write a book.
–What do you mean it's “okay”?Copy !req
1202. –What do you mean you're sorry?
–Kay.Copy !req
1203. Let him read it.Copy !req
1204. Let him read it.Copy !req
1205. –Did you find her?
–Yeah.Copy !req
1206. –And?
–I may already be dead...Copy !req
1207. just not typed.Copy !req
1208. Is that it?Copy !req
1209. Did you read it?Copy !req
1210. I tried, but I couldn't.Copy !req
1211. You have to read it.Copy !req
1212. You have to tell me
what to do or what not to do.Copy !req
1213. If I can avoid it...Copy !req
1214. If I have a chance...Copy !req
1215. Please.Copy !req
1216. Okay.Copy !req
1217. Okay.Copy !req
1218. And here's your uniform.Copy !req
1219. It's a go. Banetta's outside,
she'll assign you your locker.Copy !req
1220. –And you roll.
–I'm ready.Copy !req
1221. Professor Hilbert?Copy !req
1222. –Hi, Harold.
–Hi.Copy !req
1223. You look tired.Copy !req
1224. No, no, just calm.Copy !req
1225. Harold, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1226. You have to die.Copy !req
1227. What?Copy !req
1228. It's her masterpiece.Copy !req
1229. It's possibly the most important novel
in her already stunning career...Copy !req
1230. and it's absolutely no good
unless you die at the end.Copy !req
1231. I've been over it again and again...Copy !req
1232. and I know how hard this is
for you to hear.Copy !req
1233. You're asking me
to knowingly face my death?Copy !req
1234. Yes.Copy !req
1235. Really?Copy !req
1236. Yes.Copy !req
1237. I thought you'd...
I thought you'd find something.Copy !req
1238. I'm sorry, Harold.Copy !req
1239. Can't we just try and just see
if she can change it?Copy !req
1240. –No.
–No?Copy !req
1241. Harold...Copy !req
1242. in the grand scheme
it wouldn't matter.Copy !req
1243. –Yes, it would.
–No.Copy !req
1244. I could change.Copy !req
1245. I could quit my job.Copy !req
1246. I could go away with Ana.Copy !req
1247. I could be someone else.Copy !req
1248. Harold, listen to me.Copy !req
1249. I can't die right now.Copy !req
1250. It's just really bad timing.Copy !req
1251. No one wants to die, Harold,
but unfortunately we do.Copy !req
1252. Harold...Copy !req
1253. Harold, listen to me.Copy !req
1254. Harold, you will die someday,
sometime.Copy !req
1255. Heart failure at the bank.Copy !req
1256. Choke on a mint.Copy !req
1257. Some long, drawn-out disease
you contracted on vacation.Copy !req
1258. You will die. You will absolutely die.Copy !req
1259. Even if you avoid this death,
another will find you.Copy !req
1260. And I guarantee that it won't be nearly
as poetic or meaningful...Copy !req
1261. as what she's written.Copy !req
1262. I'm sorry...Copy !req
1263. but it's the nature of all tragedies,
Harold.Copy !req
1264. The hero dies,
but the story lives on forever.Copy !req
1265. –There's an empty seat right there.
–No, I wanna sit down over here.Copy !req
1266. Kay?Copy !req
1267. Kay?Copy !req
1268. How many people
do you think I've killed?Copy !req
1269. –Kay.
–How many?Copy !req
1270. –I don't know.
–Eight.Copy !req
1271. –Kay...
–I've killed eight people. I counted.Copy !req
1272. They're fictional. Get up.Copy !req
1273. Harold Crick isn't fictional.Copy !req
1274. –I don't...
–He isn't fictional, Penny.Copy !req
1275. Every book I've ever written ends
with someone dying. Every one.Copy !req
1276. Really nice people too.Copy !req
1277. The book about Helen
the schoolteacher.Copy !req
1278. I killed her
the day before summer vacation.Copy !req
1279. How cruel is that?Copy !req
1280. And the civil engineer, Edward.Copy !req
1281. The one I trapped...Copy !req
1282. with a heart attack in rush hour.Copy !req
1283. I killed him.Copy !req
1284. I killed...Copy !req
1285. Penny, I killed them all.Copy !req
1286. Miss Eiffel? Miss Eiffel?Copy !req
1287. –Harold.
–Hi.Copy !req
1288. –I just finished it.
–You just...Copy !req
1289. Yeah, I read it all in one read
on the bus.Copy !req
1290. It's lovely.Copy !req
1291. I like the part about the guitars.Copy !req
1292. Well, thanks, thanks. Goo...
Well, listen, I'm...Copy !req
1293. No, I read it and I loved it.
And there's only one way it can end.Copy !req
1294. I mean, I don't have much background
in literary anything...Copy !req
1295. but this seems simple enough.Copy !req
1296. I love your book.
And I think you should finish it.Copy !req
1297. The night before his death...Copy !req
1298. Harold unsuspectingly went about
some usual business.Copy !req
1299. He finished his outstanding audits.Copy !req
1300. He made a few phone calls
he had been putting off.Copy !req
1301. Listen, does your program
have an age limit?Copy !req
1302. And he traveled to Ms Pascal's...Copy !req
1303. where she made him meat loaf
and chocolate pudding...Copy !req
1304. and the two watched old movies.Copy !req
1305. It was a nice enough evening.Copy !req
1306. And in any other circumstance
it would've seemed commonplace.Copy !req
1307. In fact, the only thing
that made this night significant...Copy !req
1308. was the morning it preceded.Copy !req
1309. I have to tell you something.Copy !req
1310. You do?Copy !req
1311. I do.Copy !req
1312. –Is it a secret?
–Sort of.Copy !req
1313. Tell me.Copy !req
1314. I adore you.Copy !req
1315. I adore you too.Copy !req
1316. –That it?
–No.Copy !req
1317. I have to tell you this.Copy !req
1318. I just want you to listen carefully.Copy !req
1319. Okay.Copy !req
1320. You can deduct the value
of all the food you give away...Copy !req
1321. as a charitable contribution.
–Harold.Copy !req
1322. No, no, no. In fact it amounts to more
than what you're currently withholding.Copy !req
1323. And it doesn't break any tax laws.Copy !req
1324. Harold, the point
is to break the tax laws.Copy !req
1325. I wanna make the world
a better place too, Ana.Copy !req
1326. I think that means
keeping you out of jail.Copy !req
1327. Okay.Copy !req
1328. Okay?Copy !req
1329. –Yeah.
–Okay.Copy !req
1330. If you come over here...Copy !req
1331. and talk a little more tax talk
in my ear.Copy !req
1332. Because I like it so much.Copy !req
1333. Much had changed for Harold
over the past few weeks:Copy !req
1334. His attitude towards work.Copy !req
1335. His habitual counting.Copy !req
1336. His love life.Copy !req
1337. But of all the transmutations
Harold Crick had undergone...Copy !req
1338. perhaps the most significant
was that today on his return to work...Copy !req
1339. he was not late
for the 8:17 Kronecker bus.Copy !req
1340. What Harold had not understood...Copy !req
1341. about that Wednesday
four weeks prior...Copy !req
1342. was that the time he received from
his fellow commuter...Copy !req
1343. was, in fact, three full minutes
later than the actual time...Copy !req
1344. and, therefore, three full minutes
later...Copy !req
1345. than the time to which his watch
and life had been previously set.Copy !req
1346. Not the worst of errors.Copy !req
1347. But if Harold had not set his watch
to the incorrect time...Copy !req
1348. Harold would have again
barely caught the 8:17 Kronecker bus.Copy !req
1349. And he would not be approaching
the bus stop...Copy !req
1350. precisely at 8:14
this particular Friday.Copy !req
1351. Excuse me.Copy !req
1352. Harold?Copy !req
1353. An otherwise ignorable fact...Copy !req
1354. until the unthinkable occurred.Copy !req
1355. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1356. I need for everyone
to just stay seated.Copy !req
1357. Come on, son.Copy !req
1358. –What happened? I didn't see him.
–It was not your fault.Copy !req
1359. He was trying to help the boy.
Get your supervisor.Copy !req
1360. I don't believe this.Copy !req
1361. –It was all my fault, though.
–No, it wasn't.Copy !req
1362. Is he okay?Copy !req
1363. –It looks likes he's breathing.
–I don't think he's breathing.Copy !req
1364. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1365. Come in.Copy !req
1366. Excuse me.Copy !req
1367. Are you Professor Hilbert?Copy !req
1368. Yes.Copy !req
1369. Hi. I'm Karen Eiffel.Copy !req
1370. I believe we have
a mutual acquaintance.Copy !req
1371. Please, sit down.Copy !req
1372. No, I just came by to...Copy !req
1373. Here.Copy !req
1374. –Is that it?
–Yes.Copy !req
1375. Have you read it?Copy !req
1376. Is that all right?Copy !req
1377. Yes.Copy !req
1378. I think, perhaps, you may be
interested in the new ending.Copy !req
1379. Good afternoon.Copy !req
1380. Oh, hi.Copy !req
1381. It's a pretty brave thing you did.Copy !req
1382. Stepping in front of that bus
was pretty brave.Copy !req
1383. Kind of stupid, but pretty brave.Copy !req
1384. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1385. Is that boy okay?Copy !req
1386. He's just fine. Scratched up is all.Copy !req
1387. Oh, good.Copy !req
1388. Am I okay?Copy !req
1389. Well, you're not dead.Copy !req
1390. On the other hand, it looks like
you cracked your head...Copy !req
1391. you broke three bones
in your leg and foot...Copy !req
1392. you suffered four broken ribs,
fractured your left arm...Copy !req
1393. and severed an artery in your right,
which should've killed you in minutes.Copy !req
1394. But amazingly...Copy !req
1395. a shard of metal from your watch
obstructed the artery...Copy !req
1396. keeping the blood loss
low enough to keep you alive...Copy !req
1397. which is pretty cool.Copy !req
1398. Yeah.
So with some physical therapy...Copy !req
1399. a few months of rest,
you should be fine.Copy !req
1400. Well, sort of. We weren't able
to remove the shard of watch...Copy !req
1401. from your arm without risking
severe arterial damage.Copy !req
1402. You'll be okay.
You'll just have a piece of watch...Copy !req
1403. embedded in your arm
the rest of your life.Copy !req
1404. You're very lucky to be alive,
Mr Crick.Copy !req
1405. Yeah.Copy !req
1406. –Dr Mercator, Mr Crick has a visitor.
–Sure.Copy !req
1407. –My God, Harold.
–Hey.Copy !req
1408. –I'm okay. It's all right.
–Harold.Copy !req
1409. I'm fine.Copy !req
1410. Harold, you're not fine.Copy !req
1411. Look at you. You're severely injured.Copy !req
1412. –No, I'm fine.
–What...? What happened?Copy !req
1413. I stepped in front of a bus.Copy !req
1414. What? Why?Copy !req
1415. There was a boy.
I had to push him out of the way.Copy !req
1416. What?Copy !req
1417. I had to keep this boy from getting hit.Copy !req
1418. You stepped in front of a bus
to save a little boy?Copy !req
1419. I didn't have a choice.Copy !req
1420. I had to.Copy !req
1421. It's... It's okay.Copy !req
1422. –It's not great.
–No.Copy !req
1423. It's okay. It's not bad.Copy !req
1424. It's not the most amazing piece
of English literature in several years...Copy !req
1425. but it's okay.Copy !req
1426. You know...Copy !req
1427. I think I'm fine with “okay.”Copy !req
1428. It doesn't make sense
with the rest of the book though.Copy !req
1429. No, not yet. I'll rewrite the rest.Copy !req
1430. My assistant said
she'd go back to the publisher...Copy !req
1431. and request more time.
–Why?Copy !req
1432. Don't know. It's awfully sweet though.Copy !req
1433. No, why did you change the book?Copy !req
1434. Lots of reasons.Copy !req
1435. I realized I just couldn't do it.Copy !req
1436. Because he's real?Copy !req
1437. Because it's a book about a man...Copy !req
1438. who doesn't know he's about to die
and then dies.Copy !req
1439. But if the man does know
he's going to die and dies anyway...Copy !req
1440. dies willingly,
knowing he could stop it, then...Copy !req
1441. I mean, isn't that the type of man
you want to keep alive?Copy !req
1442. As Harold took a bite
of Bavarian sugar cookie...Copy !req
1443. he finally felt as if everything
was going to be okay.Copy !req
1444. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves
in fear and despair...Copy !req
1445. in routine and constancy...Copy !req
1446. in hopelessness and tragedy...Copy !req
1447. we can thank God
for Bavarian sugar cookies.Copy !req
1448. And fortunately,
when there aren't any cookies...Copy !req
1449. we can still find reassurance
in a familiar hand on our skin...Copy !req
1450. or a kind and loving gesture...Copy !req
1451. or a subtle encouragement...Copy !req
1452. or a loving embrace...Copy !req
1453. or an offer of comfort.Copy !req
1454. Not to mention hospital gurneys...Copy !req
1455. and nose plugs...Copy !req
1456. and uneaten Danish...Copy !req
1457. and soft-spoken secrets...Copy !req
1458. and Fender Stratocasters...Copy !req
1459. and maybe the occasional piece
of fiction.Copy !req
1460. And we must remember
that all these things...Copy !req
1461. the nuances, the anomalies,
the subtleties...Copy !req
1462. which we assume
only accessorize our days...Copy !req
1463. are, in fact, here for a much larger
and nobler cause:Copy !req
1464. They are here to save our lives.Copy !req
1465. I know the idea seems strange.Copy !req
1466. But I also know that it
just so happens to be true.Copy !req
1467. And so it was:Copy !req
1468. A wristwatch saved Harold Crick.Copy !req