Stevie (2002)

1. In 1982, while attending Southern Illinois University,

2. I became an Advocate Big Brother to Stevie Fielding,

3. a troubled 11-year-old boy who lived in Pomona,

4. a nearby rural hamlet.

5. 10 years later, I went back.

6. Steve J: When I left here, I felt a sense of relief

7. that I didn't have to do those weekly visits to be his Big Brother.

8. But in my journal I wrote that I should never abandon him,

9. that I should be there for him constantly,

10. and of course, I haven't been since then.

11. Steve J: Oh my God, here he is.

12. Stevie... on crutches.

13. I need a hug. Can I have a hug?

14. - Brenda: I recognize you. - Steve J: Hi, Brenda.

15. - Hi. How are you? - Good. How are you?

16. - Pretty good. - You're married now, I hear.

17. Yep, it'll be seven years this year.

18. - Steve J: Really? Congratulations. - Thanks.

19. - Seven years later. - It's okay.

20. It's been... it's been a while.

21. - Steve J: Now do you live... - Stevie: She lives down there.

22. - You live there and this is your trailer?

23. Yeah.

24. Steve J: Mom's trailer's gone. That's a new one.

25. - You dropped a tractor tire? - Stevie: Yeah.

26. We came in from brush-hogging and we was jacking it up

27. and we got the tire off and it hit my knee

28. and whatever it landed on, it popped.

29. Oh my God.

30. Steve J: Where'd you get these tattoos?

31. I done this one myself. The other one a buddy done.

32. He was in jail for a while

33. and learned how to do work.

34. "Ride to Live"... from your motorcycle riding days?

35. Wherever I go, people here, there...

36. wherever, it's just nothing but trouble.

37. Steve J: I want to discover where Stevie's been

38. and who he was even when I knew him,

39. because I never really felt like I understood him.

40. When I went in to be a Big Brother,

41. I thought it would be a glorious experience.

42. I was expecting to find a kid that played a lot of sports,

43. a kid that I could relate to in a very direct way

44. and he was just a lot harder than I ever expected.

45. He always seemed to be an accident waiting to happen.

46. Steve J: I don't like the looks of this.

47. You found that today?

48. It came out of the brush pile that we was burning.

49. That's where I get my name "Snake" from.

50. I ain't afraid of them.

51. Never have been, except when I was a kid.

52. Kids, just never try this at home.

53. Steve J: One thing that doesn't appear to have changed

54. - is Stevie's still here with you. - Verna: Yeah.

55. When he gets down and out with no place to go, he comes back to me.

56. Steve J: You feel down and out right now, Steve?

57. No, cause I always know I'll have a place to stay.

58. I always knew that.

59. That so-called mom takes everything from you she can get her fingers on.

60. I don't have a mother. I've never had one

61. and the day she dies, I'm gonna go and laugh at her.

62. Brenda can tell you how she whipped him down here one time...

63. I forget how many stripes... she never will forget it.

64. She cried and told her if she didn't shut up she'd get some of it.

65. It was her kid, she'd beat him if she wanted to.

66. 'Cause she made a threat over there at her house one night.

67. Me and her got into an argument and she screamed out at me

68. so I screamed back at her. She said, "If you do that again,

69. I'm gonna knock your teeth down your throat."

70. I said, "If you think you're big enough, do it.

71. When you put me down, better kill me, if you don't,

72. I'm gonna kill you."

73. That's what I told her in her own house.

74. Steve J: On my first visit to Pomona, in 1982,

75. Verna sat me down and told me how she'd come to take Stevie in.

76. When Stevie was just six months old,

77. Verna's son Arvle defied her wishes and married Stevie's mother,

78. even though he wasn't the boy's father.

79. One weekend they left Stevie with Verna and her husband Roy

80. when they went out of town.

81. She told me upon their return, Arvle and Bernice made it clear

82. that they didn't want Stevie back.

83. Stevie grew up in his step-grandparents' home,

84. just 50 yards down the road from where his mother lived.

85. Just because he was illegitimate, she didn't want him.

86. See, after she beat him that time until his hip was green

87. and had all them stripes on his back and arms, he couldn't talk.

88. He completely lost his speech.

89. He'd just point and make a racket when he wanted something.

90. They gave him speech therapy for a long time.

91. And there's not very many words now that he don't speak real plain.

92. He speaks most of 'em real good and plain.

93. I got Brenda... oh, man,

94. with them two from Challengers...

95. Steve J: You got these for Grandma?

96. Yeah. My girlfriend, she's got a red one

97. that's got that "Hot Stuff" on there.

98. - Tonya: Yeah. - Doug: You all right, Bubby?

99. - Brenda: He's quieter than usual. - He is, I'm telling you.

100. Steve J: Why is he so quiet? Be your normal self, please.

101. That's an embarrassment right there...

102. him being himself.

103. Me and Steve been together for two years.

104. Two wonderful years.

105. I don't think Mom and Dad will ever like him.

106. They think that...

107. just because he wrecked my car...

108. he drinks and he does marijuana

109. that I could find someone else a whole lot better.

110. I think I'm the only one that sees something there

111. that nobody else does.

112. I can't really explain it

113. because it's hard to explain.

114. She's kind of disabled.

115. I wouldn't say she's a slow learner.

116. She's... she's pretty smart.

117. I mean... when she wants to be.

118. Steve J: Are you guys in love?

119. Pretty much.

120. So far, so good. Now, if it came down to a point

121. where Steve actually hit me,

122. and done anything else to me,

123. yeah, Mom and Dad would be coming down to Pomona

124. themselves with cops, or with a baseball bat,

125. and beating the holy crap out of Steven.

126. Steve J: This morning, my wife Judy came by with the kids to see Stevie.

127. As a youth counselor during our grad school days,

128. she had convinced me to become a Big Brother.

129. You grew up.

130. - How are you? - I'm fine.

131. Steve J: These are our kids. This is Jackson...

132. Steve J: This is what we've been up to.

133. Corrine and Dylan.

134. So what have you been doing with yourself?

135. Stevie married a woman... named Judy.

136. Oh yeah? Her name was Judy?

137. So how old were you, Stephen, when that happened?

138. - About 19, 20. - Judy: So how old was she?

139. - About 34. - Judy: She was older than you.

140. Yeah, she had three kids.

141. It only lasted about five and a half months

142. and then, might as well say bye.

143. You guys couldn't work it out, huh?

144. She ripped my earring out of my ear and...

145. had to go to the hospital and have stitches over that.

146. I asked her that one time, I said, "You ever been hit by a guy?"

147. She said, "No." I said, "Well now you have.

148. I'm not like other men that you can run over and just push around."

149. I said, "I'm myself, but I've got a temper. I can control it..."

150. Well, good, I'm glad to hear you can control it.

151. Daddy?

152. Why is Brenda mad at your mom?

153. For the way she done me and her.

154. - I tried killing her one time. - Judy: You did what?

155. Tried to kill her one time. I went underneath the car

156. and I thought I was cutting the brake lines.

157. Instead, I cut the whole wiring system

158. for all the lights and everything.

159. - Judy: Stevie! - Jack...

160. I ain't worried about her boyfriend or nothing.

161. Which, he's got a plastic kneecap. Well, you hit his kneecap

162. he's gonna go down, he ain't gonna get back up.

163. - I'm not worried about him. - Judy: You had this planned out,

164. - didn't you, Stevie? - Stevie: I've got it planned out.

165. Steve J: Come on, Jack, let's go.

166. I pretty well enjoyed you guys being down.

167. I wish you guys could stay longer.

168. We'll be back. Judy will be back, too.

169. - Stevie you take care, okay? - I will.

170. You're hardheaded, all right. You are hardheaded.

171. Can't never stay out of trouble.

172. It's all right. It's okay to be hardheaded.

173. Just take care of your knee.

174. Say hello to your grandma for me, okay?

175. - All right. - Judy: I'll see her the next time.

176. - Steve J: See ya. - Okey-doke.

177. I never even thought they'd have kids.

178. I mean... people changes.

179. Steve J: Stevie's revelations, his consuming rage,

180. violent marriage and a string of arrests, I discovered,

181. that included assaults, weapons possessions

182. and credit card fraud...

183. It went beyond my worst fears from the past

184. of what Stevie would grow up to be.

185. But now that we've reconnected, film or no film,

186. I feel I've taken an irretrievable step back into his life.

187. Still,

188. I found reasons not to return again for almost two years.

189. Steve J: I called Stevie last night, or tried to.

190. I got Grandma instead.

191. She said Stevie was in jail. He'd been arrested a few days ago

192. and charged with sexually molesting his eight-year-old cousin.

193. Grandma was quick to say Stevie had been framed

194. and his "so-called mother" was behind it.

195. He gave a written confession to the police,

196. but he told me he'd been manipulated and planned to plead innocent.

197. Stephen is charged with three counts...

198. three felony charges.

199. One... the first count is predatory criminal sexual assault of a child,

200. which is a Class X felony, the most serious class of felony.

201. This is one thing that I never would have thought of

202. that would have happened. Never.

203. It blows my mind. It just...

204. Steve J: You've told me that your mom is the one

205. that encouraged your aunt to press charges against you.

206. She's always told me when I've been in trouble,

207. she said, "You're gonna go to prison.

208. You're gonna go to prison." It's just like when I was a kid,

209. there's one word I hate the most, "It's your fault.

210. It's your fault." That's all she ever told me.

211. Steve J: And yet, I learned Mom makes regular trips to see Stevie.

212. Steve J: Why she's so consistently coming up here.

213. She can't say that she loves me. 'Cause if she did,

214. why did she put me through all the hell she put me through?

215. That's what I want to know. Why?

216. Why come back 26 years later and want to be a mother?

217. It's done too late. She should have thought about that years ago.

218. Steve J: I've left several messages for Stevie's mom, Bernice,

219. but she never calls back. So I try visiting her instead.

220. Looking around at her neat, homey place,

221. it's hard to imagine her as the monster she's painted to be

222. by Stevie and Verna.

223. I want to know why she does go see Stevie in jail...

224. and whether she feels responsible for all that's happened.

225. He wasn't Mirandized. He wasn't told

226. that his statement could be used against him.

227. We have to somehow get his...

228. I should say alleged confession... get it suppressed

229. through pre-trial motions, or we have to deal with it at trial.

230. Steve J: "I was teaching her about things that happens in life.

231. I touched her at the top, chest

232. and at the bottom, virginy. I'm sorry for what happened.

233. I didn't mean for it to happen like that.

234. I need help and I will get help. I'm sorry for what happened.

235. I made this statement on my own. Stephen Fielding."

236. The image I have of Stevie

237. is being out in that vacant lot

238. next to our house dressed up in the Cheshire cat outfit,

239. with the hose.

240. Just very solitary,

241. not involved with other people a whole lot.

242. He grew up abused and neglected.

243. That's kind of the MO...

244. for somebody who molests kids.

245. Mike Wepsiec: You've got to look at it really cold,

246. because if you start looking at the human individuals...

247. well, yeah, he's really not that bad of a guy.

248. Well, why don't you look at the victim?

249. The victim wasn't that bad of a person, either.

250. You've given him chances in the past

251. and now he's got himself in a load of trouble.

252. And... do you give him another chance?

253. Steve J: Do you think Steve is innocent?

254. No, because he told me what he did do.

255. But he's already gonna get enough without other stuff being added on.

256. - Right. - So...

257. Steve J: Well, they might call you as a witness,

258. if this goes to trial. If they know he's...

259. - Probably so, thanks to Mom. - What do you mean?

260. 'Cause she went there and told them I'd had problems with him before.

261. She told the...

262. the police and everything so that's on record.

263. Steve J: Is it true?

264. Yeah.

265. Now that was when he was just a kid, wasn't it?

266. Well, it breaks my heart to think about it.

267. But Stephen has been taught right.

268. He knows right from wrong,

269. but Stephen is not all there, either.

270. - Steve J: What do you mean? - Stephen's got a problem,

271. he needs... he needs help.

272. Steve J: I'm gonna get Judy to talk to the people down here.

273. Maybe there's something the public defender

274. could go forward with in a plea, you know?

275. He needs to be in some place where they'll help him with problems,

276. - instead of make them worse. - Yeah.

277. I don't think he wants to change.

278. Tonya's father and I, we tried.

279. We really did try to understand him,

280. because with Tonya's situation,

281. sometimes you just have to overlook things, you know.

282. If they let him out today, I'd say by next week...

283. no, if they let him out today he'd be dead-ass drunk tonight.

284. Steve J: If he gets out of jail without going to prison,

285. will you be there for him?

286. Would you let him in?

287. No. Seriously, no, Mom, I would not.

288. If he got out of jail, I would not. I'm not.

289. - You're not? - I'm not.

290. Then why do you continue to go see him?

291. I guess he thinks that...

292. it's not over.

293. But what does Tonya think?

294. And why does he continue to send you letters from jail?

295. "Dear honey, hey what's up? Not much here.

296. How does it feel to be off work?"

297. Steve J: So why do you stay with him?

298. I don't know. I love him and I care about him.

299. And...

300. he makes me feel special. I mean...

301. On this kind of a case, the worst that I could have

302. is a woman to defend me.

303. If I can't come up with the money to get me this lawyer

304. that can beat this case,

305. they're gonna have to tie me down and take me.

306. - Steve J: To take you to prison? - Stevie: "Before I go," I said,

307. "I'll kill myself, because they ain't taking me out of here alive."

308. Steve J: Well, now you can't talk that way.

309. I walk through them doors, I might as well just say

310. to hell with everything.

311. Steve J: I didn't commit to hiring the lawyer he wants,

312. though as promised, I did talk to him.

313. He was a slick asshole with a legendary reputation in the jail

314. and he made it clear that for a few thousand dollars

315. he was confident he could get Stevie off.

316. I'm celebrating the 4th of July at home,

317. but I can't stop thinking about it all.

318. I know prison isn't the answer for Stevie,

319. but putting him back on the street isn't either.

320. Right now, doing nothing seems like the safest thing to do.

321. Happy 4th of July.

322. Steve J: Hey, long time, huh?

323. Hey, I got some good news for you.

324. - Steve J: What's that? - I'm out of here.

325. What do you mean, you're outta here?

326. - Stevie: I'm free to go. - Wow, that's amazing.

327. Steve J: Did the confession get suppressed?

328. That's what I'm saying.

329. - Steve J: That's amazing. - Stevie: Yeah.

330. So, you're leaving today?

331. Well, that's what I was calling to see.

332. Maybe if there's a possible way that I could borrow

333. a hundred dollars from you to get out.

334. Uh...

335. I need a hundred dollars cash, for bond.

336. Uh, yeah...

337. That's... that's amazing.

338. Judy wouldn't let me give Stevie the bond money.

339. How can I say no? It's only $100.

340. "It's not about the money," she said.

341. Grandma told me Brenda put up the bail money.

342. Brenda said Grandma did it.

343. Did Stevie tell you that he asked me

344. for the money to get out?

345. Mmm-hmm.

346. So he told you I didn't do it, and that was the end of it?

347. Did you wonder why?

348. I said, "Well, Stephen, he's got a family.

349. He's got three kids and a home to keep up and all."

350. And I said, "He can't afford to do it."

351. But, you know, that wasn't the reason.

352. Judy and I discussed it.

353. You know what Judy does for a living?

354. - Do you know what she does? - Umm-um.

355. She's a counselor. She works with sex offenders.

356. Judy and I talked about it,

357. and... I think he's guilty. I don't want him to go to prison,

358. but I worry...

359. about what he might do when he's out on bail.

360. And he blames his mom for this, and...

361. Well, she's the one that got him up there to baby-sit

362. when she knowed better.

363. I don't necessarily think what's best for him

364. is to beat this thing.

365. Do you worry that if he beats this, that he'll just do this again?

366. No, I don't think he will.

367. Well, I don't know what's going to happen

368. before it's all over.

369. Steve J: Are you mad at me about any of this?

370. Hmm... maybe a little bit. I mean...

371. people gets mad, they get over it. You know, they...

372. realize stuff later on down the road.

373. Bernice. Hey, it's Steve James.

374. I finally got Stevie's mother on the phone.

375. She was reluctant to see me until I convinced her

376. I wasn't out to make a "Poor Stephen-Evil Mother" film.

377. But when we showed up, Bernice's sister Wendy was there...

378. the mother of the victim.

379. I'm the wrong person for you to talk to.

380. I trusted him alone with my children

381. and he took advantage of it.

382. Umm-umm.

383. He sat in a fucking chair for over two hours,

384. determining whether or not

385. he was going to "teach" my child

386. something he felt she should know.

387. And he wanted to be the one to do it.

388. He was her predator for over two hours

389. before he got a stiff dick

390. and went after her.

391. He had a hard-on!

392. How can a 26-year-old man

393. have a hard-on for an eight-year-old?

394. Steve J: Yeah.

395. You know I'm...

396. I'll see him in hell before I'll see him out.

397. That's something that little girl has to live with

398. for the rest of her life.

399. And it's going to interfere in everything that she does.

400. Little girl's afraid to sleep in her own room at night.

401. She has to sleep with me.

402. The least little noise, she jumps out of her skin,

403. wanting to know if it's him coming after her,

404. because he threatened to kill her.

405. If she told, he threatened to kill her.

406. Because he's like a dog that's had a taste of blood.

407. He's done it once. Does everybody...

408. are they all so naive that he won't do it again?

409. And who's to say the next time when a child fights him

410. that it won't go one step further

411. and he permanently hurt the child?

412. But, I was told you were the one that bailed him out.

413. You were the one that sent him money...

414. - No, l... - you know, and all this.

415. What, to get him out? No, I did not.

416. I told Stephen I wouldn't do it. I gave... I did give him money,

417. occasionally in jail, to buy cigarettes.

418. I mean, a lot of people did that... I think Bernice even did that.

419. What is all of this for, anyway?

420. I thought it would be good to make this film

421. about Stephen and...

422. - Wendy: Stephen... and try to understand...

423. try to understand who he is and what he had become.

424. About Stephen's violated and abused life.

425. But what I guess I'm saying is that this incident

426. has certainly shaken me. I'm not... you know,

427. and I have a different relationship to him than Bernice does

428. and certainly different than do you, especially now.

429. This film... will be an honest film,

430. as honest as I can make it.

431. It's not just an apology for Stephen.

432. It's not just... you know, I'm not here to just grill Bernice...

433. Steve J: Then I proceeded to do just that.

434. Why would you go up to the prison to see him?

435. - Why? - Yeah.

436. Well, no matter what he done...

437. and I don't approve of what he done,

438. he's still my son.

439. You know, he's still my son.

440. And it's not that she didn't try with Stephen, because she did.

441. Yeah, but people wasn't around when I was trying with him.

442. - Wendy: I was! - They don't know, they don't know.

443. It's when... when I got to where I couldn't handle him,

444. and his grandma, you know, would take him back,

445. and then I would get all the blame for doing everything wrong.

446. - You know what I've heard? - Bernice: Oh yeah.

447. I've heard that basically Stephen...

448. - that you beat him terribly... - Bernice: I have heard things.

449. And that you basically gave him to Grandma and said,

450. "You raise him." That's what I've heard.

451. - Oh? - I mean that's what I've heard.

452. Anything he does now, he blames me.

453. Because that's what his grandma

454. brainwashed him to think all those years.

455. Anything that happened bad to him

456. is because he had such a rough life because of me.

457. There was no beatings? I mean, I hear that all the time.

458. I didn't beat him. Yeah, I whipped him,

459. but nothing to what...

460. Why does Brenda say this too, then?

461. Oh...!

462. Bern, calm down, you're like me...

463. Steve J: Well, no, I have to ask these questions.

464. Yeah, I've popped him in the mouth.

465. I will not put up with any crap. If a kid stands by me

466. and smarts off, I'm gonna slap him in the mouth.

467. I do not agree with a child standing

468. and back talking.

469. And this is where her and I differ.

470. I don't think they should be smacked.

471. I don't think they should be hit.

472. Mainly, because of the way I grew up.

473. Had I turned the way that we were raised,

474. I would have been in prison by the time I was 17.

475. But see, I had that choice. And I made that choice.

476. I don't pick up high heels, coal shovels

477. and beat my children.

478. I don't cut switches off

479. and cut them from their ankles to their ass,

480. and make them bleed, and then put tights on them

481. and send them to school to cover it.

482. This all happened to you?

483. Oh... We were raised in the back hills of West Virginia.

484. My dad was an alcoholic.

485. Very, very abusive.

486. - Steve J: What about Stevie's dad? - No.

487. - And I won't go into that, no. - Who is Stevie's father?

488. - No? - No.

489. Why not? Can you tell me why not, you won't?

490. - I just don't want to. - Wendy: Does Stevie know?

491. - Steve J: No, he doesn't know. - No.

492. That's sad. Regardless of who he is or what he is,

493. he has a right to know at least who his father is.

494. Well, Arvle raised him...

495. as his son, you know.

496. You'll get in trouble over it.

497. They ain't gonna say nothing to me about it.

498. All right, go ahead. If you get in trouble, go ahead.

499. Hardhead.

500. Sometimes we get along all right, and sometimes we don't.

501. But he'd fight for me. Why, he'd fight for me.

502. And he knows there's not nobody who's done for him

503. what me and my husband done for him.

504. He was only 121/2 years old when Roy died.

505. But Roy just worshipped him.

506. Steve J: In 1983, I wrote in my journal,

507. "Grandma's life just about stopped when Roy died of a heart attack."

508. She couldn't sit on the porch after supper, she said,

509. because the memories hurt too much.

510. Stevie fills the hole in Grandma's life, but only partially.

511. And, she says, she gets no help from Stevie's mother

512. and her own son, Arvle.

513. Grandpa and Grandma meant more to me than what Mom ever did.

514. Then you find out that they ain't no blood relation to you.

515. It freaked me out when Grandpa died.

516. And then Dad turned around and he died, and...

517. well, I ain't never got over neither one of them yet.

518. Steve J: How old were you when you found out

519. Arvle wasn't your real dad?

520. Some time ago.

521. But the way I see it, he is my dad

522. because he's the only dad I've ever knowed.

523. I don't know. Lot of shit I don't understand.

524. Steve J: In 1981, the year Grandpa died,

525. Stevie was first placed at the Huber Boys' Home.

526. She put him in the boys' home, then whenever he got out,

527. she tried to make him think I'd stuck him there. And I didn't.

528. I cried 'cause he had to go. But we didn't have him adopted

529. and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

530. We tried to adopt him, but we was too old.

531. In the beginning, Mrs. Hagler was terrific to Stephen.

532. But then, Mrs. Hagler

533. always seemed to thrive

534. on making Bernice's life a nightmare.

535. If they had all come together with that kid,

536. he'd been a whole different kid.

537. I thought, somebody's got to defend this kid.

538. Nobody else is going to. Somebody...

539. somebody has to be his protector.

540. Steve J: Hal and Dorinda became Stevie's first foster parents

541. at the Huber Boys' Home when he was 11.

542. Despite giving him regular doses of Ritalin,

543. Grandma decided she could no longer control Stevie.

544. He would thrive on attention,

545. whether it was positive attention or negative attention.

546. One time I remember, we was out mowing and weed-eating

547. and there was a copperhead snake that was laying there

548. and I seen them boys up there, I'm like,

549. "Hey, looky here what I got! I got me a pet now!"

550. They're like, "Oh, man, get that thing outta here."

551. "Nuh-uh."

552. - They just scattered like fleas. - Steve J: I'll bet.

553. I got in pretty big trouble for doing that.

554. He could irritate the life out of you

555. and at the same time you just loved him to pieces.

556. - You just... he grew on you. - He was sweet.

557. God gave his good will

558. when he said, "This is my law."

559. Steve J: Hal and Dorinda were Stevie's favorite foster parents,

560. but after three years, Hal got this job as minister

561. and they left Huber Home.

562. We're not his parents. We can't follow him everywhere.

563. And there is a letting go.

564. Realizing that when you let go,

565. that there might be a train wreck at the end.

566. The first people that had him at Huber Home,

567. I think was all right. But the next one that was there...

568. he was raped when they was there.

569. And up until the last year or so, he's talked about that and cried.

570. Steve J: The first time I saw him,

571. I walked into the behavioral disorder classroom.

572. The teacher said, "Stevie, come here."

573. And out from behind a filing cabinet fortress he came.

574. He had been sort of closed off from the rest of the class,

575. because he was so disorderly.

576. And he had a bell that he would ring

577. in order to get the teacher's attention.

578. We had a lot of intelligent people working on him

579. over the years trying to come up with something

580. that would either motivate him or help him control himself,

581. and we never came up with it.

582. But when we get to the point

583. that I'm gonna have kids trying to hurt each other,

584. then I've got to remove the child that's causing the problems.

585. I realize now that he was one of the more severe children

586. that I've had to deal with.

587. Steve J: By 1986, Stevie had become so uncontrollable

588. that Bernice gave him over to the state for permanent placement

589. in foster care.

590. "His own experiences of abuse,

591. coupled with his impulsive acting out,"

592. wrote one psychologist at the time,

593. "could lead Stevie to sexually abusing young children,

594. whom he'd view as emotional peers."

595. In 1988, after failed placements

596. in every group home in southern Illinois,

597. 17 year-old Stevie was committed

598. to the Choate Mental Hospital in Anna.

599. It took like eight people to restrain me,

600. and then when they strapped me down to a bed

601. using cloth restraints,

602. I just came out and I snapped them.

603. Steve J: He continued to be physically aggressive,

604. prompting extensive drug therapy.

605. And they're like, "No more of this.

606. We want him out of here and out of here now,

607. before he winds up hurting somebody else."

608. Steve J: Stevie was discharged from Choate in August of '89.

609. The summary report stated

610. he had received "maximum benefit from hospitalization."

611. Unfortunately, all those services can't begin

612. to provide for him what he really needed,

613. which was a family that was nurturing

614. and cared about him and supported him.

615. And so in that way, the system failed him.

616. The system always fails in that kind of situation.

617. They can't begin to do enough for a child like Stevie.

618. Frankly, there was a little bit of maybe wild talk

619. about you know, maybe not letting him live here again.

620. You know, you hear

621. this "it- takes-a-village- to-raise-a-child" thing.

622. What do you do when the village fails?

623. You know, I mean where does our responsibility to people end?

624. A lot of the older people remember him as a child.

625. - Hi. - Dave: And they've always been

626. very kind and compassionate toward him.

627. You gonna introduce me?

628. Ahem... yeah. I was getting ready to.

629. This is Charlotte Teller, the post office...

630. - Officer in charge... - Yeah.

631. - At the post office until they have their new postmaster.

632. He won't last very long if I got something to say about it.

633. - Oh, Stevie. - I mean it.

634. You got to be nice to people and give them a chance.

635. - No I don't. - I'll let you meet him.

636. - Huh-uh. - Yeah, you will. He's right here.

637. This is Lenny. This is Steve. He lives down the road.

638. Nice to meet you.

639. He's a nice guy. You got to give him a chance.

640. - Nice to meet you. - Well, I guess I could.

641. - Yeah, he's a nice guy. - It'll work out okay.

642. Yeah, he's a nice guy... real nice guy.

643. Why'd you have to take my baby's job, man?

644. I've known Steve since he was a little boy... toddler.

645. - Steve J: Yeah? - Charlotte: Yeah. He's a good guy.

646. - Steve J: I was his Big Brother. - Verna told me

647. he had a Big Brother. Yeah, Grandma told me.

648. Steve J: A long time ago.

649. He waited and waited for his Christmas card.

650. He'd come in every day looking for his card from you at Christmas time.

651. - Oh, really? - Charlotte: Yeah.

652. He told me he was getting a Christmas card.

653. You working today or you got today off?

654. Steve J: Though Brenda and Stevie live only 100 yards apart,

655. it's like they're on different planets.

656. She's been happily married since she was 16

657. and steadily employed since she was 18.

658. I was always the dumb one, she was always the smart one.

659. Couldn't outsmart her.

660. Steve J: Brenda was born soon after Bernice gave Stevie to Verna.

661. She's the only child Arvle and Bernice had together.

662. She was put on a pedestal.

663. When you have one that is encircled

664. and one that is not...

665. the one is sheltered and the other one isn't...

666. Well, I wasn't treated nothing like "Bubby" was,

667. but she still wasn't a mother.

668. I think that Mom had a lot of resentment,

669. because when she got pregnant she didn't know the guy was married

670. and she took it out on Bubby.

671. He couldn't look to his left without getting beat.

672. You have enough to last you till Friday?

673. Maybe.

674. Steve J: Brenda is Stevie's payee

675. for his Social Security disability checks.

676. He's been receiving them since his release from the mental hospital.

677. That's my other little gadget that I made.

678. Have you used it? Yep.

679. - I ain't used it. - No wonder your brain's fried.

680. Well, last payday he wanted me to give him

681. $45 for marijuana.

682. And I wouldn't do it. So he got mad about that

683. and threatens to pay me back

684. by doing something to my animals or whatever.

685. And I told him, "If that's the way you're going to be,

686. I'll call Social Security and give it up. You won't have anything."

687. You might have that snake in your house, man.

688. Doug has got more patience with him than I do.

689. Me, I raise my temper. Doug doesn't.

690. He tries to talk rationally to him... give him chance after chance.

691. I didn't take it down, it fell apart.

692. Steve J: Does Doug know about some of the stuff he...

693. you know, the sexual stuff that he did in the past with...

694. - Yes. - Steve: With you?

695. - Uh-huh. He doesn't trust him with me by myself.

696. Like today, he asked if he was gonna be down here.

697. He doesn't let me to go to town with him.

698. Doug said no, and Bubby knows that.

699. It's like we had horses in there.

700. Steve J: How are you and Brenda getting along?

701. At times, just like everyone else.

702. We have our differences. I was gonna knock her in the head

703. out here beside the garage because she called me "retarded."

704. I was gonna knock her in the head with a claw hammer.

705. You just... some things you just don't say.

706. And that's one of them things...

707. I just don't like that word.

708. I never have.

709. Steve J: Since you've gotten out of jail,

710. have you caught any shit from anybody?

711. You know how it is.

712. Steve J: Stevie asked the court for a new public defender.

713. Even though Patricia Gross' petition got his confession tossed,

714. he didn't believe a woman would avidly represent him.

715. And I think the judge thinks this case is a piece of shit,

716. quite frankly... on the state's part.

717. More likely, that's about what he was saying Friday

718. whenever we was in court.

719. He did say that in court actually.

720. Now that he's suppressed the statement,

721. this case is a lot better to try, but there's a risk you could lose.

722. And the downside of losing is a minimum six years penitentiary,

723. maximum of 30 years. And that's not therapy,

724. that's not help... prison.

725. The judge has suggested to me

726. a plea of guilty to Class Two felony.

727. It's got a real awful name... "criminal sexual abuse."

728. The State would agree to credit for time served.

729. You wouldn't do another day.

730. And there'd be counseling. Do you have any interest in that?

731. - I'd have to think about it. - I want you to think about it.

732. I don't want you to do it without thinking about it.

733. Okay. But do you have any questions? Do you think you understand me?

734. I understand you. That ain't nothing.

735. They're going to try and push for the felony

736. because they have Wendy, who's putting a lot of pressure on them.

737. She called down there this morning and threatened my sister.

738. Uh-huh.

739. If she's gonna start that, there's gonna be something done about it.

740. Anything you might try to do by way of contacting her

741. could be misconstrued as you trying to harass her.

742. You, in particular, should steer clear of this.

743. My advice, okay? That's legal advice.

744. Not if they come messin' with my family, I'm not.

745. Well, then your ignoring my advice.

746. I expect not to hear from him.

747. When I do call him, I think he'll probably be sort of warm

748. to the offer, but allow me to convince him a little more

749. and maybe we'll have a deal.

750. Steve J: If they offered you a deal

751. that guaranteed you not to have prison time,

752. but included counseling, would you take it?

753. Probably not.

754. Why not, though?

755. I ain't going through that damn crazy-ass shit.

756. I don't need no damn shrink talking to me.

757. I'm not as dumb as what them motherfuckers may think I am.

758. They try and tell you shit that's going on in life,

759. they ain't going to tell me nothing. I been through it and I've seen it.

760. You think if you talked to somebody like Judy

761. and took it seriously, that it would help you?

762. Well, I'll tell you the third time, I ain't talking to no shrink.

763. I mean, I'm just not.

764. Steve J: Even if it means going to prison?

765. I ain't going to prison, neither.

766. You got something else in mind?

767. I ain't saying.

768. Steve J: Stevie told me he's determined

769. to not have a sex offense on his criminal record.

770. Sex offenders have to register

771. with the state or their local police department for 10 years.

772. Their names and faces are posted on the Internet.

773. Murderers aren't.

774. I mean, they're the worst of the worst.

775. Steve J: Have people given you a hard time

776. for being friendly to Steve?

777. Everybody.

778. Doesn't matter to me.

779. We tolerate each other, you know?

780. And people don't understand that.

781. Steve J: So you're trusting him?

782. All I know is what Steve tells me.

783. And, you can weigh it either way, you know?

784. Steve's been known to tell a story now and then.

785. There's two people that know what happened,

786. and I'm not one of them.

787. And that's pretty simple, isn't it?

788. Steve J: With any trial months away, Stevie and I just want to forget

789. about his legal troubles, not think about what lies ahead.

790. I heard the crappie are biting.

791. Yeah, we're going to the government pond.

792. You catch an eight-pounder, let me know.

793. Eight-pound bass, anyway. Don't throw it back.

794. I didn't throw that five-pound bass back I caught at Cedar neither.

795. Catfish and bass loves frogs.

796. I'm smart. I know what to use. I ain't... huh.

797. Hey! Get your ass back here!

798. Son of a bitch.

799. Come on, pokey-ass.

800. I ain't got all day to mess around with you.

801. I wouldn't go up there, Tim.

802. Watch the goddamned tree limbs, brother!

803. Oh! God damn it!

804. Fucking overheated the truck.

805. - Tim: Is this a comedy? - Steve J: It is a comedy at times.

806. Now, if we don't catch any fish you got to edit all that stuff.

807. Steve J: We'll edit it so that a fish is caught.

808. There's a bunch of fish out there.

809. This is kind of like a peaceful getaway, you know?

810. - Thank you. - Yup.

811. There's nothing down here. There's not a damn thing down here.

812. I've worked about four weeks... about a month, this year.

813. That's not very good.

814. It takes more than that to get by.

815. It doesn't matter.

816. - Steve J: So what do you do? - I swing a hammer.

817. Construction, carpenter.

818. - Your cork! God damn it, Tim! - Tim: That ain't no fish.

819. Well, what's it doing under?

820. - Tim: The wind. - Yeah.

821. Well, get in there and get you some damn weights out then.

822. It doesn't matter.

823. 'Cause you always look forward to tomorrow, you know?

824. It's so gradual that you always expect the next thing...

825. you know, the next step.

826. Naturally, the next step would be tomorrow.

827. Fuckin' tick. Damn.

828. You get lost down here so easy.

829. Yeah.

830. But, this isn't bad, sitting here drinking beer and fishing,

831. and you know, not catching any fish, but...

832. Tim, he's going to town, man.

833. Damn it, damn it.

834. Oh, got 'em. No, I missed him.

835. He gonna be a fat bastard whenever you get done with him.

836. Steve J: Frog time? Yep.

837. Aw, man. Don't even tell me.

838. That little son of a bitch got out. Damn!

839. Rain, motherfucker! Rain!

840. - Shit! - Tim: This is sort of like freedom.

841. I can stand out in the rain if I want to, by gosh.

842. We're pretty much content, you know?

843. There's not a whole lot we need, you know.

844. Yeah, we don't have a good woman, but, by gosh...

845. Are we that demented?

846. - Stevie: We ain't that drunk yet. - Hell no, we haven't even started.

847. You guys are more than welcome. Get a cold one out of the cooler.

848. All that filming 'bout to wear me out.

849. Damn, that's pitiful.

850. I'm ashamed of that.

851. I don't give a fuck. How 'bout that one?

852. Can't do better than this, might as well just give it up.

853. It doesn't matter.

854. What time are you gonna be back Friday?

855. They got a camper down there, so, 6:30.

856. I know what you'll be doing down there.

857. What?

858. I think you'll be smoking that weed, drinking...

859. - I don't smoke weed anymore. - Oh, bull!

860. I don't even know what you're talking about!

861. - Don't play that game with me. - I ain't playing no games.

862. Let's ask Tim.

863. Do you not smoke it, too?

864. One time. Three or four months, not every weekend.

865. So don't blame it all... only because I do it.

866. You do it, too.

867. Who actually got you started drinking? I did.

868. I'm unhappy with him. But if I break up with him now,

869. I'll be depressed.

870. When he's sober,

871. he expresses feelings towards other people.

872. But when he's on that...

873. marijuana and whiskey he gets crazy.

874. This boy's been drinking whiskey.

875. Good ol' "Jack."

876. Steve J: Stevie's prepared for Bernice's arrival.

877. Against his wishes, she's coming out

878. to belatedly celebrate his 26th birthday.

879. You want a belly rub, huh?

880. Goldie, you're gonna stink like him now.

881. Fuck you... and the horse you rode in on.

882. Don't piss me off. I won't give you no more spending money.

883. - Brenda: That's her.

884. - Hi. - Hi. Gosh.

885. Howdy, howdy.

886. Look at that.

887. Steve J: It's the first time they've seen each other in months.

888. "Cool Joe." That's the "Snake Man."

889. He gets so drunk he's on the ground, crawling around?

890. No, the reason's because I play with them.

891. Like the night that we was down there and that snake...

892. I know that sumbitch was every bit about five...

893. five-and-a-half foot fucking long. - Stephen...!

894. - Ma'am? - Watch your mouth.

895. Big son of a bitch. That one cottonmouth...

896. There ain't no sense in telling him to shut up

897. 'cause he ain't gonna listen.

898. Gosh.

899. Remember what Dad told me? He said, "Son...

900. God gave you a mouth..."

901. - You're dreaming again, too. - Stevie: "... learn how to use it."

902. He didn't tell you to use it that way.

903. Happy Birthday.

904. A little late, ain't it?

905. You know, I'm still waiting from last year,

906. so just don't get mouthy, now.

907. You're supposed to open it.

908. I always like to make sure it ain't no damn bomb at first.

909. My mind doesn't work like yours does.

910. Tomorrow, when we go to the doctor,

911. it just takes one or two squirts. Don't pour it over your head.

912. Preferably under your armpits since you don't use deodorant.

913. Up yours, bitch.

914. Should've got him one of them "soap on a ropes."

915. He wouldn't know what to do with it.

916. It says "Son, on your birthday, go for it."

917. And I knew he would.

918. It says "Make today the best birthday ever.

919. Happy Birthday, Mom and Bobby." Now, up here I put,

920. "Stephen, please remember I'll always love you.

921. Hope you have a happy birthday and many more. Love, Mom."

922. Be grateful, she said "love" in that card twice.

923. "Be grateful"? What do you mean?

924. What, are you jealous?

925. Sounds like it, don't it?

926. In my last Christmas card, she didn't even write "love" in it,

927. - it was just "Mom and Bobby." - Bernice: Oh gosh.

928. That "love" is hard to come by with her.

929. Here we go!

930. You only told me you loved me once and that was when I had surgery

931. and you thought maybe I wouldn't wake up.

932. - Oh, gosh! - Doug: Oh, yeah right.

933. I believe that one.

934. Steve J: If anyone is determined to make a break

935. from the family's troubled past, it's Brenda.

936. She's wanted children since she married Doug at 16.

937. But for nine years she's suffered from a rare form of endometriosis

938. that makes pregnancy difficult and dangerous.

939. Today she hopes her fertility doctor will have good news.

940. If they think they can fix the problem,

941. I'll have to convince Doug and everybody else.

942. I mean, I got chewed out from one end to the other,

943. being told that I was selfish trying to get pregnant.

944. That if I die in the middle of it,

945. that it's gonna be all wasted anyway.

946. Okay. How does it feel?

947. - I have been having a lot of pain. - Doctor: Still having pain?

948. I think before we try and be pregnant, we would be smart

949. probably to poke a scope back in there...

950. try to lase off any residual disease that you've got.

951. And try and get you pregnant as quickly as we can after that.

952. What happens if I don't get pregnant?

953. Then we may either be looking at "in vitro" or "gift."

954. The problem is cost.

955. And it's easily five to $10,000 per attempt.

956. - Doctor: Questions? - No. Not now.

957. I think he's toying with her life.

958. I would rather keep her then have a baby.

959. Really... seriously, that's the way I feel.

960. There's all these people that get pregnant the first time

961. they have sex and everything. And they don't even want ' em.

962. They're mean to 'em.

963. People like Mom... who didn't need kids to begin with,

964. didn't know the first thing about kids, and I can't have 'em.

965. But, I guess there's a reason for everything.

966. I'll find out one of these days.

967. Steve J: Why do you come on these doctor's visits?

968. What do you think?

969. - Brenda: Don't be hateful. - Stevie: Oh, I'm not!

970. 'Cause it's the only damn family I've got.

971. She's...

972. she's one I can turn to a lot of times.

973. She'd know I'd help her out and she helps me out.

974. That's the way a family should work.

975. I think the kindest thing one can say about the decision below

976. is that the court forgot what Miranda was about.

977. Steve J: Over a year after the crime, appellate lawyers spar

978. over whether Stevie's confession was obtained legally or not.

979. The defendant's presence is voluntary,

980. that he's not under arrest.

981. If the confession stays out, Stevie will likely walk away unpunished.

982. Attorney #2: It was not until the end that he left.

983. Now what did he believe in the middle?

984. Steve J: If the confession comes back in.

985. The state's appellate defender plans to take the case

986. to the Illinois Supreme Court.

987. David Rumley: You're going to have a minor testifying,

988. who would be even a year more removed from the recollection.

989. And it might make it more easy for me

990. to expose the weaknesses in testimony,

991. which is not particularly convincing anyway.

992. I mean, there isn't any physical evidence, you know?

993. He swore up and down to me that he didn't do what they said.

994. According to him, he didn't touch her.

995. He said he picked her up and put her on the bed and spanked her.

996. Because he'd let both of them take a bath together,

997. they got into a fight and splashed a bunch of water on the floor.

998. And I said, "Well, if she was red and irritated,

999. and the doctor says that she was, where did that come in at?"

1000. "Well, I don't know."

1001. Steve J: So do you think he's innocent?

1002. No, I think he did something. I just don't know if he done...

1003. I think he done something. I just don't know what.

1004. I mean, at least he stopped.

1005. We read the police report, said something there

1006. where Holly kicked him. That's when he quit.

1007. Do we still have that somewhere?

1008. And she hid under the bed or something.

1009. You know what you should have done

1010. before you put that spaghetti sauce on it?

1011. Left it in your bowl and run water through on it.

1012. Get back! I ain't asking you for advice no more.

1013. I didn't say nothing.

1014. She wants to believe he done it.

1015. She just can't bring herself to believe he really done it.

1016. It puts a strain on her when she's around me or the girls.

1017. We have had words over it,

1018. because when she gets smart with me

1019. it sounds like she's blaming me.

1020. There will never come a day that it will be repaired.

1021. Every time she thinks of her son in prison,

1022. all she's going to think of is that we are the reason he's there.

1023. You're always cold after surgery.

1024. Steve J: Today, Brenda's having a pre-cancerous ovary removed.

1025. While Bernice waits in the car,

1026. Brenda stops by to pick up Stevie and Verna.

1027. Grandma why won't you go? You know I want you to go.

1028. You went the last time.

1029. I told you, if the prostitute went I wouldn't go.

1030. Well, whatever, I'm going to be late now, so...

1031. Grandma's just so jealous that I'm gonna...

1032. I'm gonna like somebody besides her.

1033. And she's got Stephen brainwashed enough

1034. to where he believes all that stuff.

1035. She's always just saying, "Well, I wish that she'd die.

1036. I just wish to God she'd die."

1037. "It seems funny to me that if you're a Christian

1038. you would go to hell just because you hate her that bad."

1039. She'll say, "I don't care if I do go to hell, I hate her."

1040. Steve J: What makes you hang in there with Grandma?

1041. Because I love her and she's my grandma.

1042. She's crazy for

1043. forgiving that bitch back there.

1044. Steve J: But Stevie, how do you ever move on if you don't get over stuff?

1045. You just gonna take this to your grave?

1046. Yep. You're damn right.

1047. Don't you see what it does to you?

1048. All I see you doing is hanging out in Pomona...

1049. and raging about your mom,

1050. and all she did to you when you were a kid.

1051. How many years are you gonna carry that around?

1052. I'm not saying you have to go make up to your mom...

1053. Until the stupid bitch dies. Then that's it will be over with,

1054. whenever I'm laughing right over her grave.

1055. Do you understand what I'm saying, though?

1056. I see what you're saying, and your point is?

1057. If you expect me to forgive her...

1058. I'm not saying... I'm not saying "forgive,"

1059. I'm saying "forget."

1060. Well, if this movie's gonna be based on my life,

1061. by God, people's gonna know.

1062. Well, trust me. Trust me, we've heard it.

1063. That's why you need therapy.

1064. I don't need no damn therapy.

1065. You know, nobody can help you if you don't want to help yourself.

1066. You know that. And you don't want to help yourself,

1067. so what's the point?

1068. And she had a lot of adhesions on the left side,

1069. just like we knew she would. We clipped all those loose,

1070. and then took the left ovary out.

1071. It struck me that Stevie's arrest and Brenda's surgeries

1072. have brought Bernice back into their lives.

1073. And in so doing, has ripped the family even further apart.

1074. I don't hate Stephen.

1075. I feel sorry for Stephen.

1076. And I'm angry at what he done,

1077. because I look at Stephen,

1078. as not at a 28-year-old man,

1079. I look at Stephen,

1080. as a 12-year-old boy that's lost.

1081. You should have seen the two girls and him.

1082. It was like watching...

1083. three little kids.

1084. She idolized him.

1085. She worshipped him. She worshipped him.

1086. And I have to be here to put her pieces together.

1087. Who's going to be in prison with Stephen to pick up his pieces...

1088. when it really hits home to him what he's done?

1089. When he's sitting in there, and it finally sinks into his mind,

1090. "Oh my gosh,

1091. here I am, this is my life."

1092. In 1985 I wrote,

1093. "Stevie has been in every kind of behavioral modification system

1094. since first grade and has learned their essential flaw:

1095. If the punishment is acceptable, you will beat the system.

1096. Having already survived severe physical abuse,

1097. he feels he can take anything.

1098. - You're gonna meet with Stevie? - Yeah, he's supposed to come in.

1099. One year ago, Stevie passed on a chance to make a deal

1100. when the confession was tossed.

1101. Now the appellate court has ruled and the confession's back in.

1102. Are you going to talk to him at all about...

1103. his prospects with this?

1104. He's committed to trying the case,

1105. which is certainly his right to do. Despite that...

1106. But you know what the problem I think is?

1107. Is that he hears, "You don't know, it might work out."

1108. He's gonna waste whatever time he had to make a deal, or whatever,

1109. and then it's gonna be too late. They're gonna send him up the river.

1110. It's their right. If they want a trial, they're going to have one.

1111. You know, if you want your Viking funeral, okay.

1112. You know, die with your boots on, that sort of thing.

1113. That's my job. I'm their advocate.

1114. The 5th District has already made their decision,

1115. and they say the statement comes in.

1116. Is that good or bad?

1117. Well, it means it's going to come back here for a trial.

1118. - State's attorney, right? - He's the guy prosecuting the case.

1119. - He's the Chief State's Attorney. - Yeah... dickhead.

1120. I've heard a lot about him on TV.

1121. - Yeah, he gets on TV on occasion.

1122. - Yeah he does. - All right...

1123. What I need is to shoot him.

1124. - Well... - I'll keep that to myself, though.

1125. Yeah, I wouldn't say that with the camera running.

1126. Of course, I would advise you against that.

1127. The alternative is the supreme court will decide to hear the appeal,

1128. in which case it wouldn't come back here for at least a year.

1129. In another year, I don't know. There might be the urge

1130. to have this put behind them and all that business, so...

1131. I'm not trying to give you false hopes or anything like that...

1132. Steve J: This is where I feared the meeting would go.

1133. I think you're probably right to have this heard by a judge,

1134. as opposed to a jury.

1135. And quite honestly, I've won cases with judges.

1136. Judges don't wet themselves when they hear what the charges are.

1137. - I mean, the charges are appalling. - Right.

1138. Steve J: Are you willing to address with him the question...

1139. - if this comes back for trial... - Yeah.

1140. - The potential realities of... - Oh, well, yeah.

1141. I don't think it's a secret that particularly with the statement,

1142. if the statement's in there...

1143. odds are good you'd be convicted.

1144. That statement is damaging, okay?

1145. So some kind of offer saying he's willing to plead guilty,

1146. in exchange for probation and counseling, or therapy...

1147. Probation and counseling... I don't think the State

1148. would be in a position to take that. They'd insist on penitentiary time.

1149. But they might be willing to reduce the amount of penitentiary time?

1150. I think they would be amenable to an offer,

1151. but I haven't received any indication from Stevie

1152. that he's in a position to make one.

1153. Steve J: What do you think about that, Stevie?

1154. I don't know.

1155. Steve J: I guess what I want you to think about, Stevie, is...

1156. Think? Hell, this ain't your life we're talkin' about, this is mine.

1157. Well, I know that, but I guess I want you to think

1158. about whether you want to roll the dice like this,

1159. or whether you want to think about how much time...

1160. I've rolled the dice too much, I ain't came up with nothin' yet.

1161. Well, exactly.

1162. If you have fear and worry and anxiety and intimidation:

1163. You don't know him.

1164. I'm telling you, the crisis times, Satan's meaning to destroy you.

1165. But through the baptism, we get inside of God,

1166. because the Holy Spirit comes upon you,

1167. and clothes you with himself.

1168. Three years ago Bernice joined this church

1169. which is known, the pastor told me,

1170. for welcoming the most lost souls in the community.

1171. I was just so depressed all the time.

1172. Since I've gotten back into the church,

1173. He's helped me a lot.

1174. I think He's helped me deal with the kids a lot,

1175. let me know I didn't have to just dwell on it all the time, you know,

1176. just make myself sick like I did for a long time over it.

1177. I mentioned church to Stephen and Tonya one time, and boy,

1178. that was just out of the question, you know, for both of them.

1179. It's all an act.

1180. She's not no more a Christian than a dog is.

1181. She told Stephen...

1182. said something about him going to hell and she said,

1183. "I'm a-goin' up." I said, "Yes, she's a-goin' up...

1184. in the smoke of the fiery furnace." That's exactly where she's going.

1185. Steve J: I took Stevie to Lowe's, where Brenda works,

1186. to buy him a combination Christmas and birthday present.

1187. Steve J: This is more than I wanted to spend, I hope you know.

1188. I tried to tell you, go to Wal-Mart.

1189. - Well... - No, you insisted,

1190. "Since we's over here, go ahead and get it here."

1191. - Well, your sister's discount. - Well, it ain't much of one.

1192. I know. And we didn't get it either.

1193. I know.

1194. Years ago, we used to celebrate Stevie's birthdays

1195. with pizza parties at our house in Carbondale.

1196. Well, I tell you this, I've got a lot of memories

1197. whenever I go by the old homestead over there in Carbondale.

1198. Playing ball with Sadie and Lena, and taking 'em for walks.

1199. Goin' on bicycle rides.

1200. - Going skating. - Yeah.

1201. That's one thing I was never good at.

1202. Me and you both.

1203. You remember how many times I fell down?

1204. Yeah, I still got a lot of memories from over there.

1205. I think you sort of had a little crush on Judy, didn't you?

1206. - As a kid?

1207. You expect me to say something,

1208. when my fiancée is sitting right here beside me?

1209. And then I get in trouble by her? Huh-uh.

1210. I know when to hold 'em, and I know when to fold 'em.

1211. - Exactly. - Tonya: Brenda or Doug said

1212. they also know that you had a crush on her, too.

1213. Well, she was like a mother and like a sister, I guess I could say.

1214. And then you's like a big brother, you know, 'cause...

1215. well, didn't really know what a brother was.

1216. And then he's gotta leave southern Illinois and go up to Chicago.

1217. Leave me down here all by myself.

1218. Did you feel like I kind of abandoned you when I left?

1219. I guess in a way, I kinda did, and in a way I didn't.

1220. I knew it was a job and I figured, "He's gonna have to leave,

1221. and ain't no tellin' when I get to see him again.

1222. I used to feel a little guilty about that, Stevie.

1223. After I left I really didn't stay in touch with you.

1224. Well, you had your own thing goin' for you at the time anyway.

1225. And in a way, I can understand that, too.

1226. Get out from underneath there! Go!

1227. - Steve J: What the hell's that?

1228. It's a leopard. It's my clock.

1229. Every hour on the hour, one of them animals'll make a different sound.

1230. Yeah, laugh. The damn thing cost me $37.

1231. So what were you going to tell me?

1232. I guess you got a deal on that counseling.

1233. - A deal? - Yeah.

1234. - What do you mean? - If I come up there and move.

1235. If you come up to Chicago, you'd do counseling?

1236. Yeah.

1237. So you mean if Judy did it, you would do it?

1238. 'Cause I know her.

1239. Make sure they're not trying to hide nothing on me in here.

1240. But you know what she's gonna tell you?

1241. What's that?

1242. Steve J: The only way you can change is if you really, really want it.

1243. In my own way, I have changed a lot.

1244. How?

1245. I used to have a real bad, bad temper on me.

1246. And my ex-wife can even tell you that.

1247. Made a promise to myself if I ever got with another woman,

1248. I'd never hit her.

1249. I get mad, I'll just punch a hole in the wall or something.

1250. Which he has, a couple times, hit the wall.

1251. You know, he got mad.

1252. Yeah. I guess you could say,

1253. in with the new and out with the old between me and my mom.

1254. Called her one night when she was in the hospital,

1255. talked to her.

1256. I can understand what she was going through

1257. whenever me and Brenda Lee was kids,

1258. with them migraines.

1259. There it is.

1260. Steve J: She has changed, hasn't she?

1261. I guess.

1262. I know one thing... by the time I got off the phone with her,

1263. she was crying.

1264. - Did you tell her you loved her? - Yeah.

1265. Were you crying, or are you too tough for that?

1266. No, I wasn't crying.

1267. I don't know if he's capable of crying,

1268. and actually showing his true feelings for somebody or not.

1269. I don't think I've ever seen him cry.

1270. He said, "I love you."

1271. And I said, "Well, I love you, too."

1272. Of course, he didn't realize it, but I was up there

1273. with tears rolling down my face and everything.

1274. Because it was unexpected, and it's something

1275. that I had... I'd just prayed for, you know.

1276. The family received even more unexpected news.

1277. - I am pregnant. - Steve J: Congratulations.

1278. Cody! Come here!

1279. "Doug," I said, "does this say a plus or a minus?"

1280. He goes, "A plus." And I said, "Are you sure?"

1281. He goes, "Yeah. Why? What does that mean?"

1282. Yeah, like "Uh, duh!"

1283. Tonya's sitting here going...

1284. So...

1285. Steve J: He was really wanting you to give this up.

1286. - Yeah. - But you didn't.

1287. Everybody wanted me to give it up.

1288. It's my little love note from Doug.

1289. Isn't that special?

1290. - Steve J: Is there one here, too? - Brenda: Yeah.

1291. What's this one over here?

1292. Read it for us.

1293. "To Brenda, from Doug. I love you with all my heart.

1294. I'll never leave you until I die."

1295. Sounds like he's "henpecked" to me.

1296. I didn't make him do it.

1297. Steve J: Have you written one yet about the new baby?

1298. No, no, no, nope. Not yet.

1299. He's been too busy writing names.

1300. Yeah, I've been trying to pick out a name.

1301. If it's a boy, "Timothy Douglas."

1302. - Do you want a boy? - Don't matter either way.

1303. We've been waiting this long I'll take whatever I can get.

1304. We still need to try the Drano thing.

1305. You're supposed to be able to pee in a cup,

1306. and then pour just enough Drano to make it change colors.

1307. If it turns brown, it's a girl. And if it turns blue, it's a boy.

1308. - You have any Drano? - Yeah.

1309. - Let's try! - Oh, God!

1310. - Steve J: So what's that mean? - Brenda: I don't know yet.

1311. - What was it again? - Doug: Blue and what?

1312. Blue, its a boy and brown, it's a girl.

1313. - Steve J: Looking brown to me. - Bernice: Gonna have a girl.

1314. - Brenda: It is getting brown. - Stevie: What do you mean?

1315. All right, if it's a girl. We'll make it into a tomgirl.

1316. She'll like to go fishin'.

1317. Steve J: Are you excited about the prospect

1318. of becoming a great-grandma?

1319. No, I don't think too much about it.

1320. I'm old enough, it may not be here but when I've gone.

1321. Steve J: Well, I don't know. I think you'll be here.

1322. - Verna: Well, I don't know. - You're pretty tough.

1323. Not as tough as you might think I am.

1324. While Verna sat alone in the dark that Sunday evening,

1325. Stevie decided to surprise his mom

1326. by granting another wish she had prayed for.

1327. You need to say to the Lord:

1328. "Forgive me.

1329. But because there was roots of bitterness and roots of anger

1330. and roots of sin so deep in my soul,

1331. and the memories and the anger,

1332. I wanted just to run out from Your presence

1333. and bop that one that had hurt me.

1334. And I turned back to that world

1335. and I said, 'I'm gonna get even. "'

1336. He had a beard like this an hour ago, and he came in all shaven.

1337. In the name of Lord Jesus,

1338. we declare Kenny healed! Set free from the powers of hell!

1339. Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Jesus!

1340. God's here tonight. God's here tonight.

1341. Yeah, He is, or Stephen would have never walked in that door.

1342. "Something is different." He said, "Something is different."

1343. Steve J: Tonight I wanted to forget about Stevie's impending trial

1344. and possible prison sentence.

1345. I'd never felt more hopeful for him than at this moment.

1346. I had to tell you the truth, that it's your decision to make.

1347. Steve J: With the trial looming. Stevie and Tonya come to Chicago

1348. on their first, and maybe last, vacation together.

1349. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to survive

1350. in this big-ass city or not.

1351. Steve J: What?

1352. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to survive or not.

1353. - Steve J: Why? - I'm out of the country, man.

1354. I had to swear to protect her while she was up here.

1355. Make sure nothing happens...

1356. Her mommy thought I was gonna get on the streets drinking with her

1357. and walking 'em at nighttime. How damn stupid do you think I am?

1358. I know Chicago!

1359. I'm gonna be on TV, huh? Okay!

1360. Steve J: Stevie and Tonya are staying with Patricia Downey,

1361. Tonya's best friend from high school.

1362. Everywhere I went, she had to go.

1363. Yep, I was right behind her,

1364. - Like sisters. - Patricia: Yeah.

1365. - I didn't quite make it last night. - Patricia: Where were you?

1366. Well, when she got a cab down there to Pomona yesterday,

1367. they was gonna charge her extra for her two bags.

1368. It's one of the new rules that they have.

1369. A bunch of blacks anyway that's in Murphysboro

1370. that owns that cab station. And they're stupid!

1371. - Patricia: Steve! - Oh Steve, you better back off!

1372. You never know when you might need 'em.

1373. If you had a choice

1374. who could give you CPR,

1375. what if it could be a black person?

1376. What if there was nobody else around?

1377. Would you rather live or die? Tell me.

1378. I think I'd probably rather die or something.

1379. God, you are just showing off in front of Tricia.

1380. - Stevie: No. She don't... - Yes, you are.

1381. Aw...

1382. You would rather sacrifice your life

1383. and be... and leave her by herself?

1384. - Steve: No. - Patricia: Well, then.

1385. We're thinking of getting married.

1386. Am I invited?

1387. - Tonya: Yeah. - Stevie: Of course.

1388. When?

1389. Just some time this week.

1390. Oh God.

1391. You ain't going to see me in no tux,

1392. let alone a suit.

1393. I mean, I'm going just like a country boy,

1394. blue jeans and a t-shirt.

1395. Don't you want your mom and dad to come to your wedding?

1396. Hell, no!

1397. - Patricia: Steve!

1398. Her mom I don't care about, but her dad...

1399. If it had not been for her mother

1400. nor her father, she wouldn't be here today.

1401. - You go to church too much.

1402. I don't think you know what a real marriage is, do you?

1403. I know what it means.

1404. No, you don't.

1405. Her father is your enemy?

1406. He will be till the day I die.

1407. When she has a kid, they ain't gonna see it.

1408. I'll go to my grave before they see that kid of ours.

1409. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.

1410. In order to love her,

1411. you got to love her family somewhere

1412. along down the line.

1413. You have to fit in somehow.

1414. Otherwise, they might

1415. never want to be around you.

1416. Steve J: So are you guys going to go through with this?

1417. I don't know. I doubt it.

1418. - Stevie: I don't. - Tonya: I do.

1419. - I don't. - I do.

1420. - I don't. - I do.

1421. I don't and that's the last I want to hear of it.

1422. Uh-huh. My SSI check will be dropped.

1423. Yours will be dropped? I'll be totally cut off.

1424. Yeah, but yet

1425. he still wants to get married.

1426. I gonna step outside, I'll be back.

1427. If I don't get mugged.

1428. - You won't. - Tricia, he's going to smoke.

1429. Good.

1430. Tonya, what are you going to do if he gets sent to prison?

1431. I'm gonna be moping around for a while.

1432. I know that. You're gonna be calling me crying.

1433. After a while, I'll go out and find

1434. some other good-looking guy.

1435. Okay.

1436. Do you feel that he did it?

1437. And you know what I'm talking about.

1438. Yeah.

1439. - Do you feel... - I, personally...

1440. don't think that he done it,

1441. but they found...

1442. some evidence that he actually did.

1443. What kind?

1444. Some hair.

1445. Was it his?

1446. They said it was. And she was irritated down there.

1447. Was it his?

1448. Yes, that's what they say.

1449. Oh God. This is deep for me.

1450. I honestly don't want to talk against Stephen,

1451. but you know what I've been through.

1452. Yeah.

1453. I have went to hospitals with busted heads.

1454. I literally thought I was going to die.

1455. It took me eight years to put my stepfather behind bars.

1456. Yeah.

1457. Do you know what it feels like to be sexually abused?

1458. No.

1459. It's something that I have to deal with

1460. for the rest of my life.

1461. The rest of my life.

1462. Even though he's in prison, I still have nightmares.

1463. He doesn't know

1464. how much pain he caused me.

1465. It took me years

1466. to trust a man again.

1467. That's the reason I'm not married.

1468. That's the reason I won't have children...

1469. for nobody.

1470. I want them. I love them.

1471. I want to be married,

1472. but because of what he did to me...

1473. no.

1474. Hang on, short stuff.

1475. Pow!

1476. I made sure I didn't get nobody's head.

1477. Well, by God, I'm about having a blast. I know that.

1478. Well, at least someone's having a blast.

1479. - Hey, I'm a blast from the past. - Patricia: Are you okay?

1480. Zoo, huh? Okay, little lady.

1481. - Patricia: Pump me up. - Stevie: Pump you up?

1482. I can't do that. You got a boyfriend.

1483. Rattlesnake.

1484. I gotta get a picture of my pets, though.

1485. - Ah! - Patricia: Oh my goodness.

1486. Man, they wanted cows, why don't they go to the country?

1487. Yeah.

1488. - Thanks. Appreciate it.

1489. It's okay if I take a picture of those guides?

1490. Which one?

1491. That one right there and that one sitting down.

1492. Aw...

1493. Tour guide: Directly ahead of us is Wabash Avenue.

1494. Soon as we pass under Wabash,

1495. the building immediately on your left...

1496. I can't believe I'm actually up here.

1497. I've been planning... planning this for a long time.

1498. Just getting out of Murphysboro... southern Illinois for a while,

1499. something different.

1500. Probably won't even get me in it.

1501. Every single day,

1502. I just hope

1503. that he doesn't get sent off

1504. 'cause I love him too much.

1505. Are you totally sold on Chicago now?

1506. I think so.

1507. You know, a lot of people move up here.

1508. Good to see you. Good to see you, too.

1509. Good to see you. Hi Tonya, how are you?

1510. - Fine. - Welcome.

1511. - Tonya: This is a nice house. - Stevie: Yeah, it is. Big.

1512. It's still got a ways to go. But...

1513. Ways to go? Looks better than my place.

1514. No, no. This is the best part.

1515. Steve J: Seems like we ate pizza every time we got together, Stevie.

1516. If you had your own pizza parlor,

1517. me and you would've put every place up here out of business.

1518. What would we call it, "Steve and Stevie's Pizza Parlor"?

1519. - Yeah.

1520. I've never had these kind of mushrooms before.

1521. - No? - No.

1522. Steve J: You've never eaten fresh mushrooms?

1523. - Tonya: No. - So do I need to tell you

1524. how to cut those green peppers?

1525. I know how to cut green peppers.

1526. It's great having you guys here.

1527. It's great being up here. I'm enjoying it.

1528. Steve J: I don't think Judy wanted him around our house a lot.

1529. When you do what he has done,

1530. you must pay some kind of price for that.

1531. Because he has done this to children,

1532. he's not welcome to stay at our house overnight.

1533. You're in a world of trouble right now, huh?

1534. - Stevie: Yeah. - Yeah.

1535. And I hate to see you there. I absolutely hate to see you there.

1536. The things that you did, to kind of survive growing up...

1537. one of them being to kind of

1538. cut yourself off from your feelings,

1539. aren't working for you as an adult.

1540. If you were to go into counseling,

1541. someone could help you learn to do, again.

1542. I guess you've got a point.

1543. Well, Stevie...

1544. I know most of the stuff that I've done...

1545. breaking into places and stealing and selling it,

1546. just to have money... just to survive,

1547. I know... I know it's wrong. - Judy: I know you do.

1548. But I had to do what I had to do.

1549. And then you feel lousy about yourself, when you do it.

1550. Don't bother me, 'cause I don't think about it.

1551. But well... exactly.

1552. Most of the stuff that I've done, I've not got caught.

1553. I've been in no trouble for it, 'cause I've kept it to myself.

1554. And when you go do something like that,

1555. that's about the best thing you can do.

1556. You've been arrested for a lot of things, Stevie.

1557. We're not just talking about burglaries.

1558. What can he do now, though?

1559. He's got a trial coming up at the end of August.

1560. What do you want to do?

1561. I don't know. In a way I'm worried about it,

1562. and in a way I'm not.

1563. What makes you not worried about it?

1564. You don't want to know. Trust me, you don't.

1565. It sounds to me like you're feeling pretty desperate.

1566. If I go down, someone else is going down with me,

1567. I'm not going down by myself.

1568. It wouldn't really matter anyway, because I'm gonna be in prison.

1569. Oh... you gotta be kidding. So what else could happen?

1570. Well if you're talking about hurting somebody else,

1571. you could be looking at life in prison.

1572. There's a huge difference.

1573. You're still a young man...

1574. have a chance to do something with your life.

1575. You have Tonya. You're getting along with your mom.

1576. Remember what I told you a long time ago down in Pomona...

1577. that I wasn't gonna go to prison?

1578. I ain't going down for something I didn't do.

1579. But we're not there, Stevie, because we know you did that.

1580. Tests all came back negative.

1581. No, no. Eight times out of 10 the test comes back negative.

1582. Does that mean it didn't happen?

1583. You were sexually abused. If they did that test on you,

1584. would there have been physical evidence? No.

1585. - They didn't do no tests on me. - You're absolutely right.

1586. Did it still happen?

1587. Yeah, it still happened.

1588. It still happened.

1589. You and I both know that.

1590. Now, I'm not looking for you to say,

1591. here, now, anything about that.

1592. I want you to know, this is really important for me tell you...

1593. is that I know what happened and I still care about you.

1594. And I know that underneath it all,

1595. you're a good person.

1596. This behavior was bad, it was wrong, it hurt somebody...

1597. it can happen again. And I want to figure out a way

1598. for you to be in control of it, so it doesn't have to happen again.

1599. I know you feel as bad about it as anybody.

1600. - Patricia: Watch it! - Stevie: I am.

1601. Steve J: We went to a downtown club Patricia had wanted to visit

1602. since moving to Chicago.

1603. Oh yeah! It's on tonight!

1604. Oh, look at her... show-off!

1605. Come on, Patricia! Go! Go!

1606. You go, girl!

1607. Steve J: Stevie started drinking beer...

1608. on the house, I found out, because of our filming.

1609. He then moved on to shots of tequila.

1610. No dirty dancing.

1611. No! Honey, no!

1612. Quit it! Honey, no!

1613. - Quit. - Stevie: Hey, it's dancing.

1614. - Tonya: No dirty dancing. - Stevie: Aw shit! Bullshit!

1615. - No. No! - Oh, yeah.

1616. - No. - Yeah.

1617. Come on, baby. Get up against me. Shit!

1618. I'm not dirty dancing.

1619. Well, forget it.

1620. Steve J: I had to force Stevie to leave the club.

1621. He was pissed. I was pissed too...

1622. tempted to leave him right there to fend for himself in the big city.

1623. But I was the idiot who'd allowed him to drink,

1624. then stood by filming as he spun out of control.

1625. Back when I was his Big Brother,

1626. I never thought of Stevie as a film subject.

1627. Tonight, it was as if that was all he was to me.

1628. Steve J: Let's go.

1629. Steve J: Upon returning to Pomona,

1630. Stevie became more and more troublesome.

1631. He was arrested over an altercation with the owner of the general store,

1632. - Come here! - And he even clashed with Brenda.

1633. He came down here and was gonna pull me outside the door

1634. and beat the shit out of me, just here about three weeks ago.

1635. He thinks it's no big deal. Because I wouldn't take Tonya home,

1636. because he cussed me out.

1637. I just told him to stay away from her.

1638. That's all I said. Told him if he needed something to let me know.

1639. Not to talk to her.

1640. You know, it's pretty sad when the people that's gonna help you

1641. and he has to get smart with them.

1642. He could have been going fishing with us now.

1643. He always did. Every time he was going someplace, he was going.

1644. That's the way he's gonna have to learn. That's just the hard way.

1645. He's the one that's chose that.

1646. She's a lot different now since she's pregnant.

1647. She's turned into a real bitch, is what she has.

1648. I get blamed for shit that I don't even do down here.

1649. I'm not taking it no more. I'm not.

1650. I figured for the benefit of the baby,

1651. maybe everybody would try to get along.

1652. There's gonna be a lot of things that's gonna be different.

1653. Or they just won't be a part of the... part of our lives.

1654. Doug, here's this outfit she was telling you about.

1655. Oh, yeah?

1656. It's a little pants and shirt.

1657. Steve J: Bernice hasn't been out to Pomona in weeks,

1658. because of her own fight with Brenda.

1659. Steve J: Do you mind my asking what you were feuding about?

1660. God, why do you get into all this crap?

1661. - Well, I was just... - You got to bring up stuff again.

1662. Well, I didn't understand what the...

1663. I mean, obviously you patched it up. You're over here.

1664. - Do you not want to discuss it?

1665. I don't exactly even remember what...

1666. Yeah, now I do.

1667. Because Mom thinks that I didn't tell her

1668. that Charlotte was going to Lamaze classes with me... Doug's mom.

1669. But I knew she wouldn't be able to be a coach, because of her asthma.

1670. - Steve J: Mm-hmm. - So...

1671. Steve J: Well, that's got to be tough.

1672. Yeah, but I mean, there's a lot of breathing to it.

1673. I know there is, I helped Bobby's daughter.

1674. You didn't have all these problems then, either.

1675. - Yeah, I did. - You didn't. They weren't as bad.

1676. But I didn't just take her, just thinking that...

1677. that way you wouldn't get to be in there.

1678. But I get the impression that you don't believe that.

1679. I didn't know that, you know,

1680. nobody could be in there but who was going to the Lamaze classes.

1681. Steve J: I'm sorry. I didn't know it had to do with the baby.

1682. I apologize.

1683. Told you I didn't want to get into it.

1684. She feels guilty,

1685. and maybe now she thinks that she can make up for that.

1686. It's too late. I don't have the type of feelings

1687. that I should have towards her as my mother.

1688. There's times that Doug and I have considered just...

1689. telling her to stay away and not come back.

1690. Steve J: After two and a half years, Stevie has decided to plead guilty,

1691. though he still won't admit to me he's done anything wrong.

1692. He's rejected the State's offer of a 12-year sentence,

1693. and put his fate in the hands of the judge.

1694. Steve J: But do you think the judge is going to go

1695. for the lightest possible sentence?

1696. Why not? He knows there's a lot of bullshit that's in my case.

1697. Well...

1698. I'll bet I could get six years.

1699. And I'll be out in two and a half.

1700. So you're gonna roll the dice with the judge,

1701. instead of taking the 12?

1702. Yeah.

1703. Steve J: This means Stevie has less than eight weeks

1704. - before he goes to prison. - Yep.

1705. Stephen is not penitentiary material.

1706. Tim over here...

1707. Tim over here would be penitentiary material, you know?

1708. I mean, he's tough enough, he's ornery enough.

1709. Stephen's not.

1710. They're gonna know what you're there for.

1711. The first thing they're gonna do, is go and talk to their buddies,

1712. and they're gonna say, "We got a baby raper."

1713. If I'd heard about it as soon as I got out of the joint,

1714. I'd have put a bullet in you myself.

1715. I've done told you that. Am I not right?

1716. You're right, 100 percent.

1717. If it was my daughter, he wouldn't make it to prison.

1718. I guarantee it. If it would have been my daughter,

1719. he would not have made it to prison.

1720. You know, you ain't gonna live unless you want to live.

1721. If you want to live, you're gonna have to kill some people.

1722. I beat three or four of them half to death.

1723. And I've seen what child molesters... excuse the expression,

1724. get in the joint.

1725. You're gonna have to worry about knives this long.

1726. And they do know where to put 'em.

1727. I have seen their stomachs cut wide open,

1728. and I've seen their guts spill on the floor. I've seen it.

1729. The man's in trouble. It's up to me. He's in trouble.

1730. Steve J: And why is it up to you?

1731. I'm running the Aryan Brotherhood around here.

1732. I told Steve, "You beat this case, I'll get you in.

1733. - I'll get you in with me." - Steve J: "Get you in..."?

1734. I'll get him in the Brotherhood, if he beats the case.

1735. I'll go in there and I'll talk to the niggers

1736. and I'll talk to the Brotherhood.

1737. And it's up to this man, okay?

1738. - It's up to this man. - Well...

1739. If you was to come to me personally and ask me for a favor,

1740. - I'd make the call. - Steve J: Why?

1741. Why? Because you asked.

1742. - Steve J: Not him? - Not him.

1743. - Not him, because of his charge. - Steve J: Just ask the favor?

1744. - You ask the favor. - Steve J: Well, make the call then.

1745. I don't want to see him die in prison.

1746. Why not?

1747. If something happened to your little girl like that,

1748. what would you want? You'd want the guy to die.

1749. You know, I would feel that. I would feel that, absolutely.

1750. But, I would like to think... I have a little girl...

1751. - I would like to think... - Greg: And I got one coming.

1752. - You understand what I'm saying? - I know.

1753. But I would like to think that...

1754. I would... whatever... however angry I might be,

1755. that I would...

1756. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not ready to give up hope.

1757. I mean...

1758. You know, I realize this stresses you out a little bit.

1759. And I also realize

1760. that I'm not the nice guy that everybody fucking thinks I am.

1761. Okay? I'm not.

1762. But if I don't make the call,

1763. you're gonna be coming out with a fucking tube top...

1764. with all the hair off your face, your chest, your legs...

1765. Walking out here doing a little strut.

1766. But if that's what it takes to keep you alive, that's what I'll do.

1767. Steve J: All that scary stuff that Greg tells you...

1768. it doesn't have to be like he says, you know.

1769. Do you know that?

1770. Do you think you can handle it?

1771. Probably not.

1772. Don't know yet.

1773. Little peckerhead.

1774. Steve J: So, tell me about this church thing.

1775. I just got talked into going to church one time, and...

1776. well, can't hurt.

1777. I'm being baptized Sunday night.

1778. You know, I'm always looking

1779. for a reason to get hopeful.

1780. - And what reason would that be? - Well...

1781. I'm proud of you

1782. for doing this church thing.

1783. It's not something you started doing and bragging about it.

1784. It just surprised me

1785. that he wanted to go back to church.

1786. We've been going to church for...

1787. a few times over there at...

1788. can't remember...

1789. the church's name.

1790. Some people hit the bottom before they have hunger towards God.

1791. I'm glad you're doing this.

1792. When Jesus came to Peter,

1793. He said, "Who do men say that I am?"

1794. Man, I want you to be focused here.

1795. Praise God.

1796. Be baptized, every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ

1797. for the remission of sins and you shall

1798. receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

1799. You've heard tongues before,

1800. but that's going to happen to you.

1801. And you'll speak in that language, and man, ain't nothing like it.

1802. Open yourself up,

1803. and it'll flow through you.

1804. This is a special time for you, man.

1805. This is it, buddy.

1806. This is the beginning of a new day for you.

1807. Just focus on Jesus, man.

1808. You were on His mind when He was on that cross,

1809. when those nails were in His hands and through His feet.

1810. I'm praying when he comes up out of that water,

1811. he gonna speak in tongues that he doesn't know.

1812. That's the outward sign that God's spirit has come inside of him.

1813. Tonight, we are going to baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ,

1814. into this watery grave, the old Steve will be left in this tank,

1815. and that you will rise to walk as Romans, Chapter six tells us

1816. to "walk in newness of life."

1817. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah.

1818. - Hallelujah!

1819. Give us that towel. Hallelujah! He's praising, Steve.

1820. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Go ahead and praise Him, Steve.

1821. Hallelujah! Lord, I praise you, Jesus.

1822. Thank you Lord! Hallelujah!

1823. - Hallelujah. Hallelujah! - Thank you!

1824. Oh, yes. Praise God!

1825. By the power and of the authority of the name of Jesus,

1826. I lay my hands on brother Steve.

1827. By the power of Your name and the authority of Your word

1828. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.

1829. Praise God. Praise God.

1830. Hallelujah. Oh, Hallelujah.

1831. Praise God!

1832. I'd like to say thanks, Darian.

1833. I appreciate it, man.

1834. He got me to come here. He told me it couldn't hurt me.

1835. So, here I am.

1836. I grew up being beat all the time by my mom

1837. and I was taken away and I really didn't get to know her.

1838. I've not done too much of the hard drugs,

1839. I've sat down and drunk

1840. about a half gallon of whiskey a day by myself.

1841. And we really partied. And...

1842. it's been going on three and a half weeks now

1843. - since I have not had a drop. - Preacher: Praise God!

1844. Whoo! Hallelujah!

1845. Glory! Glory!

1846. Whoo!

1847. Amen. Thanks.

1848. Praise God.

1849. That's a kneecap killer.

1850. I'd say.

1851. Still would have liked to have a wooden one, Louisville.

1852. - Man: Really? - Stevie: Yeah.

1853. Hot damn! This a Louie?

1854. Sacrifice it.

1855. You want one, there it is. Now what you gonna do with it?

1856. What are you gonna do with it?

1857. I can take that bat and I can crack anybody in the head with it

1858. and I can turn around and walk away from 'em.

1859. This board right here, is insignificant.

1860. But if I was to take this board and whack you in the head with it,

1861. what would happen?

1862. Would the board hurt you, or would I hurt you?

1863. You'd hurt me.

1864. It's material. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

1865. Everything in life is a material object.

1866. Okay? You got a weapon now.

1867. What are you gonna use it for? Kill snakes?

1868. I do that with my hands, too.

1869. Well then, what do you need a bat for?

1870. Just to put up. I always did enjoy playing softball and baseball

1871. - going through them homes. - All right.

1872. - Always loved it. - Greg: Okay.

1873. But do you understand what I'm saying?

1874. Steve J: As sentencing day approaches,

1875. Stevie wanted me to take him places that meant something to him,

1876. like his first foster home.

1877. He was first placed in the Huber Home when he was 11.

1878. Steve J: Stevie. Steve?

1879. - What? - Steve J: A few years ago,

1880. it had been converted to a private business.

1881. They've literally destroyed every damn thing that used to be here.

1882. They ain't got respect for no damn body.

1883. This is where I've spent six years of my life, man.

1884. Six years.

1885. This was home to me.

1886. It's not a home in there anymore, it's an office.

1887. They've destroyed all the memories that's even around here.

1888. Totally.

1889. Steve J: Inspired or distressed by seeing Huber,

1890. Stevie wanted to visit Hal and Dorinda,

1891. his first and favorite foster parents.

1892. Man, it's been a while.

1893. Steve J: Except for a brief encounter,

1894. Stevie hasn't seen them since they left Huber Home 15 years ago.

1895. - Dorinda: And who's this? - Stevie: This is my fianceé, Tonya.

1896. - Tonya Gregory. - This is Dorinda.

1897. Pleased to meet you. I'm checking this out.

1898. That's all I've got so far.

1899. So what do you think of the old man?

1900. Gray-headed.

1901. - How you doing? - Good. Good.

1902. - You been by the old homestead? Huber?

1903. Was that hard to see that?

1904. That house being something other than a home?

1905. It just brought back a lot of memories.

1906. After you guys left, my heart was broken.

1907. I got in a lot of more trouble.

1908. Well, sorry about that.

1909. - Well... - It happens.

1910. - I guess life goes on. - Yeah, it does.

1911. But...

1912. Between leaving Huber and Choate,

1913. according to the Choate stuff,

1914. he'd been in every foster home in southern Illinois.

1915. I'm sorry. Sorry you had to go through that.

1916. Whenever I went to Quincy,

1917. I got arrested for attempted murder up there.

1918. How old were you then?

1919. - And who were you mad at? - We had this one new boy.

1920. He kept running over the foster parents' kids, hurting 'em.

1921. And he kept doing it to me. Well, I got tired of it,

1922. and one night I decided I was gonna kill him in his sleep.

1923. So I went to the kitchen, got a big ol' butcher knife out...

1924. - Dorinda: Oh, Stephen. No! - And a dishtowel.

1925. Put the dishtowel over it, went to the bedroom...

1926. - Dorinda: Did you? - Yeah!

1927. I was put in handcuffs and took to Juvenile DOC.

1928. Sure enough.

1929. Steve J: Stevie suddenly felt compelled to confess to them

1930. virtually all of his transgressions over the years.

1931. Disorderly conduct, assault and battery...

1932. Oh, we're making good choices then, right?

1933. Steve J: He told them of his brief failed marriage.

1934. turned around and busted her one.

1935. Steve J: He explained the attempt

1936. to cut the brake lines to his mother's car.

1937. Yeah, you're a real mechanic there, aren't you?

1938. Oh, don't even go there!

1939. Steve J: Through it all, they never became angry with him.

1940. We need a little "Go to Jail Free" card.

1941. I tried that one time and it don't work.

1942. Steve J: I caught a glimpse, I think, of how they'd managed

1943. to connect with him so many years ago.

1944. Look around here, isn't this nice? The woods, the pond,

1945. - the green grass... - Stevie: Woods is what I'm used to.

1946. Prison is one color,

1947. with steel and concrete. Oh, that's lovely.

1948. You, the woodsman who loves to be out in this,

1949. you would die in prison, Stephen.

1950. I don't know, I've lived in the city for a while...

1951. Don't do anything that would send you to prison.

1952. - Yeah, I try not to... - Are you listening to me?

1953. - Yes, ma'am. - Don't.

1954. Well...

1955. a lot's changed, but I am in one serious kind of trouble

1956. for some stuff, but I won't go into details, but...

1957. I spent like... my longest time in jail.

1958. - Dorinda: Really? - Stevie: On a $100,000 bond.

1959. - Hal: Recently? - About two years ago.

1960. So, is that all cleared up?

1961. No, 'cause I'm still... I'm looking at some prison time, probably.

1962. - Dorinda: Are you serious? - Yep.

1963. - Dorinda: Do you remember this? - Stevie: Huh-uh.

1964. Oh, my God!

1965. That's what you looked like when you came here, you were a baby.

1966. You remember all those presents that just filled the room?

1967. Presents were everywhere. Aw, look at that one!

1968. Isn't that cute? He's adorable.

1969. Inquisitive, curious... that was you.

1970. Now 'coon, I'll eat a 'coon.

1971. - Dorinda: Will you? - Yep, 'coon and snake.

1972. It's a feisty little thing.

1973. - Hal: There it goes. - Dorinda: Got it.

1974. Little blue gill or something came up and got him.

1975. Dorinda and I couldn't have stayed at Huber any longer than we did.

1976. But we look back and we see Stephen, that's in some trouble with the law

1977. and others that have been through these things,

1978. and you start thinking, "What if we could have stuck it out

1979. for 20 years with these kids, and really been parents to them,

1980. and really given them all of that, and...

1981. There were some that really just grabbed your heart.

1982. Stephen was one of them.

1983. Steve J: And after you guys left,

1984. he got raped... at Huber.

1985. To tell you the truth, we caught...

1986. two or three times, where...

1987. that was starting to happen, and we prevented it.

1988. 'Cause he was just vulnerable.

1989. And so, you do what you can to protect, but you...

1990. I can't guarantee that it didn't happen even while we were there.

1991. I tell you what, she was a mom to those kids.

1992. And she is very, very good at it.

1993. Steve J: Well, I can see that... well, I think both of you...

1994. He'll be a good one. I'll toss him over here.

1995. Steve J: I think we're gonna have to drag him away today.

1996. I haven't seen him like this...

1997. I mean, this at ease, you know what I mean? This...

1998. just having fun, like a kid.

1999. - Hal: Yeah. Steve J: You know?

2000. Well, maybe, that's because he is a kid.

2001. How serious is this prison stuff and jail stuff?

2002. Do you know about that? Is it very serious?

2003. It's very serious.

2004. I think he just thinks that you guys...

2005. would be really disappointed in him.

2006. I think that's what it is. That is the reason

2007. he doesn't want to tell you.

2008. Personally, I don't care what he did.

2009. But I want to know, should I be praying for him?

2010. - Steve J: Yes. - Okay.

2011. Steve J: Yeah.

2012. Okay.

2013. We did have a connection,

2014. and yet, you know, at the same time we had to leave.

2015. I just... there's a part of me that wishes we weren't so human.

2016. Steve J: I encouraged Hal to talk to Stevie about his case.

2017. And how old was the little girl?

2018. She was eight.

2019. Old enough to testify against him.

2020. Steve J: She's now 10.

2021. Yeah.

2022. No wonder he doesn't want to tell me.

2023. Come here. You look like you need a hug.

2024. - I'm just getting ready to bawl. - I know you are.

2025. I know you are.

2026. You look like you need a hug.

2027. Steve needs a guy like that to talk to.

2028. I know he does. That's why he's got somebody.

2029. A role model. That's what he needs.

2030. - He needs it bad, doesn't he? - Uh-huh.

2031. I want you to promise me that you'll start making some good decisions.

2032. Every day.

2033. - All right. - Will you promise me that?

2034. - I can try to stay out of trouble. - My Mother's Day present.

2035. - That's what I want to hear. - I'll try to.

2036. Give me a kiss, right there.

2037. - Stevie: It's good to see you. - It's good to see you.

2038. - You take care of yourself. - Stevie: Okay, you too.

2039. It's gonna work out.

2040. That's what they all say. Sometimes it does and sometimes it don't.

2041. It always does. It just doesn't always work out like we want it to.

2042. Steve J: Okay, guys, we should go.

2043. - Stevie: Yep. - Hal: Thanks, Steve.

2044. Steve J: Great, thank you, guys.

2045. Steve J: This morning, Brenda and Doug went to the hospital,

2046. where doctors planned to induce labor.

2047. They left behind a video camera we'd given them for the occasion.

2048. Hey listen, do you know anything about this thing with Doug?

2049. - Nope. - About saying he doesn't want us

2050. to film the baby coming home or any of that?

2051. I don't know what's going on.

2052. I have no idea, man.

2053. I try to mind my own business and stay by myself,

2054. that way, me and her is not into it.

2055. Steve J: I found out Doug's parents were behind it.

2056. They didn't want Stevie or me anywhere near the baby.

2057. Later, we heard the baby girl was experiencing respiratory problems.

2058. Man...

2059. Steve J: You'd like to be there?

2060. I ain't even gonna worry about it.

2061. Not even. I could care less anymore.

2062. Steve J: Well, you care about this baby, I know.

2063. Steve J: Stevie had postponed his sentencing

2064. so that he could be there for the baby's birth.

2065. Stevie found a job with the annual Murphysboro Apple Festival.

2066. - I need it up just a little bit. - His first real job in four years.

2067. - There we go.

2068. Watch your arms and watch your legs.

2069. Good job.

2070. - What? - Come here.

2071. Steve J: But with prison only two weeks away,

2072. Stevie began drinking with the guys after work,

2073. sleeping at a flophouse in town,

2074. and getting into fights.

2075. - Officer: How are you doing? - Hi. I'm a friend of Steve's.

2076. Steve J: I felt let down by Stevie,

2077. angry once again.

2078. Steve J: Stevie wasn't happy with me, either.

2079. When he found out that I'd interviewed Wendy,

2080. the mother of the victim, he felt betrayed,

2081. like I'd chosen her side over his.

2082. As we drove, I kept thinking, Stevie had wanted to be in this film

2083. mostly to spend time with me again.

2084. And here I was, repaying him

2085. by putting his tortured life on display.

2086. Steve J: Do you feel like I stabbed you in the back?

2087. I ain't too crazy about you talking to Wendy,

2088. if that's what you mean.

2089. Do you understand that...

2090. no matter what, whether I believe you're innocent or guilty

2091. you know, in this trial, that...

2092. I'm gonna be there for you? You understand that?

2093. I'd like to be a character witness for you,

2094. if you want me to.

2095. I'm not saying it well. I'll say it better...

2096. in an interview. But...

2097. I guess I just want you to know

2098. that I'm in your corner. You know?

2099. I guess that's kind of good to know, I guess.

2100. You're still my Little Brother.

2101. Know what I mean?

2102. Yeah, I know what you mean, "jellybean."

2103. Steve J: Stevie wanted me to take him to Rattlesnake Hill,

2104. to go snake hunting one last time.

2105. I don't know, I guess it's like...

2106. when you walk up to a rattlesnake, do you stand there

2107. or do you run like hell,

2108. and take a chance at getting bit or not?

2109. It's like, do I take a chance letting people in,

2110. or take a chance getting stabbed in the back again?

2111. Steve J: It struck me how apt his "Snake" nickname really is.

2112. The feared, some would say, evil reptile

2113. with the hard scaly exterior,

2114. protecting its soft, vulnerable interior.

2115. So tomorrow's your big day, huh?

2116. Yep.

2117. Would you like to hold her?

2118. Yes or no? I gotta leave.

2119. We're probably not going to be home until really late.

2120. I don't know.

2121. Hold your arm up like this with her,

2122. - and just look at her. - Hey.

2123. Hey.

2124. Got you a new face there, don't you?

2125. Huh?

2126. Got you a new face there, don't you?

2127. - Got you a new face. - Will you take your sunglasses off?

2128. - Move, Goldie. - Brenda: Goldie c'mon, go outside.

2129. Steve J: You're good at this.

2130. I don't know if I'd say that or not.

2131. You're gonna be a little hellraiser, ain't ya?

2132. Just like Uncle Bubby.

2133. I wouldn't go that far.

2134. Okay, now look this way.

2135. - Smile.

2136. Hey, got you a new face there, don't you, huh?

2137. Why don't you sit down and relax?

2138. Steve! Sit down and relax!

2139. I will!

2140. Hey, you better have enough film for tomorrow.

2141. Steve J: What you thinking about tomorrow?

2142. I don't want him to leave.

2143. I ain't too crazy about it, either.

2144. Steve J: Well, you guys should enjoy your last night together.

2145. We'll take off.

2146. We'll come back in the morning.

2147. You know how long it's gonna be?

2148. - How long he's gonna be...? - Gone.

2149. Well no. That's what they're gonna say today.

2150. But it could be anywhere from six to 10 or 11 years.

2151. You realize that if you don't go to the thing at 1:00,

2152. you're not going to see him again?

2153. I know it, but...

2154. Because they're gonna take him into custody,

2155. as soon as this is over.

2156. Well, he may never make it home.

2157. I just don't think I could stand it.

2158. How you doing this morning, Steve?

2159. All right, I guess. Just another day.

2160. Pull yourself a chair and sit down.

2161. You love Grandma?

2162. Now he's going somewhere... he's wanting everybody to pet him.

2163. Are you Grandma's baby? Where is my baby?

2164. Got in trouble the other day, didn't you?

2165. Grandma took a switch and went after you, didn't she?

2166. I seen the kids was so scared, I got a switch and I went after him.

2167. He seen me coming with that switch, and he come meeting me.

2168. He can look at you so vicious sometimes.

2169. But I don't believe he'd hurt a kid at all.

2170. Well... take care of yourself, Stephen.

2171. I will.

2172. And these here pills laying here... I told her these was yours.

2173. You need to take them.

2174. Steve J: We had time for a brief lunch at the restaurant

2175. across from the courthouse.

2176. - Bernice: He sat in my place. - Steve J: Here have a seat.

2177. Thank you.

2178. What?

2179. For getting ahold of me so we could spend the day together.

2180. I told Tonya to tell you.

2181. Hey chickie-baby.

2182. Hey chickie-baby. Look at my new grandbaby.

2183. Oh, how precious. How old is she?

2184. - Bernice: Six weeks. - Brenda: Seven weeks.

2185. Seven weeks. Oh, how sweet.

2186. What a sweetie girl.

2187. Hey chickie-baby. Hey, chickie-baby.

2188. Steve J: In court, the State's attorney recommended 20 years.

2189. Stevie's public defender asked for six,

2190. citing his history of being abused and abandoned,

2191. saying Stevie was born to a mother that didn't want him.

2192. The judge asked if the defendant

2193. had anything to say before sentencing.

2194. Stevie defied his lawyer and said, "No."

2195. "Are you sure?" said the judge. "Yes," said Stevie.

2196. The judge gave him 10 years.

2197. Afterwards, we learned the judge was going to give Stevie six years,

2198. if only he'd shown remorse for what he'd done.

2199. - Steve J: Hey there. - Hey.

2200. Steve J: So you talked to Grandma?

2201. How is she taking it?

2202. Kind of hard.

2203. We all love you and we're gonna be praying for you.

2204. And I think they have...

2205. some kind of church services there, too.

2206. Will you think about that?

2207. Just remember when you go in there,

2208. just keep your mouth shut...

2209. I know that's hard for you.

2210. You don't have to tell the others what you're in there for.

2211. Prison's like TV...

2212. one person knows about it, they all know about it.

2213. Steve J: Anything I can do for you?

2214. I'm gonna say goodbye, okay?

2215. That's not "goodbye," goodbye. We'll be in touch.

2216. All right? You know I'm there for you, right?

2217. - Yup. - All right.

2218. I want a hug, now.

2219. - Take care of yourself. - I will.

2220. I love you.

2221. Me too.

2222. I'll be seeing you on visits.

2223. Yeah. Okay.

2224. When, I don't know.

2225. Well, just let me know when they are and everything.

2226. I'll let you know.

2227. Steve J: So what's gonna happen to this trailer?

2228. The way Brenda was talking, it's not paid for,

2229. and it's getting sent back.

2230. Does Stevie know?

2231. He doesn't know about it.

2232. Steve J: So are you gonna stay with him, Tonya?

2233. I don't know. I just don't want to lose him.

2234. I don't know what it is

2235. about Stevie that I love.

2236. But I just love him. I don't know what it is.

2237. I still to this day don't know what it is.

2238. I told him that I'm hoping

2239. that if we are still together,

2240. he'll come out of that prison with a positive attitude.

2241. If that doesn't happen, then I'll just give up.

2242. Not give up on guys,

2243. but I'll just give 'em a rest

2244. for another couple more years.

2245. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life.

2246. Steve J: Good.

2247. 'Cause nobody needs to be lonely.

2248. I think this is the best thing that came out of it...

2249. having a film that was supposed to be

2250. like, I guess between you and your...

2251. between Stevie and you.

2252. Something good came out of it.

2253. Steve J: Shortly after Stevie went to prison,

2254. Brenda sold not just his trailer, but the whole property,

2255. including her trailer and Verna's house.

2256. Doug and Brenda left for a house next to Doug's parents

2257. and closer to town.

2258. Verna moved into a retirement home

2259. that could accommodate only a fraction of the things

2260. she'd accumulated over the 50 years she'd lived in this house.

2261. So far, Stevie has served time in prison

2262. segregated from the general population

2263. because of various offenses.

2264. At this rate he will earn no good time,

2265. and serve his entire 10-year sentence.

2266. Yet, in segregation, he's discovered a love for verse.

2267. He regularly sends poems he's written to me and Judy

2268. and other crew members.

2269. And under the influence of an educated cellmate,

2270. Stevie tells me he's fallen in love

2271. with the works of William Shakespeare.

2272. When I first became a Big Brother, I wanted my efforts to pay off.

2273. For Stevie to become a better person,

2274. and make me feel like one too.

2275. Believing I'd failed, I left here feeling I'd abandoned him,

2276. that I wasn't there for him.

2277. Seeing this film, Stevie may feel I've abandoned him all over again.

2278. I don't know if Stevie will ever turn his life around.

2279. But now I realize the best thing I can do

2280. is just try to be there for him anyway.