Spree (2020)

1. Hey, guys, what's up? Kurt here from Kurt's World.

2. Hey, guys, how's it going? It's Kurt from Kurt's World.

3. Hey, guys, how's it going? Kurt from Kurt's World here.

4. Hey, what's up, guys? Kurt here from Kurt's World.

5. Hi, everybody. This is Kurt from Kurt's World.

6. And today I'm going to draw my life.

7. Something in these videos that I really appreciate

8. is everybody's complete honesty in telling their life story.

9. And where does this story take place?

10. Los Angeles... That's where I was born,

11. although shortly after, my parents had to move out to Azusa

12. 'cause it's just a little bit more affordable

13. and better for raising a family.

14. Hey, Dozier.

15. Mom's gone, so I'm in charge.

16. I remember it like it was yesterday,

17. and we watched the planes crash into the buildings

18. millions of times.

19. People jumping out of the windows,

20. running around, the dust, the fire.

21. And even though I didn't fully understand everything back then,

22. I knew that no one could ever forget an event like that,

23. real or fake.

24. Hey, what's up guys? It's Kurt from Kurt's World.

25. I'm here with my dad. We're in the studio.

26. Working on this dope new track for Bezar.

27. - Really? - Yeah yeah.

28. Well, check... Yeah check this out, though.

29. Kurt's World. Dad, seriously put the hat on.

30. Alright.

31. There you go.

32. After the divorce, Mom was really upset,

33. so I decided to stay home with her and be a good son.

34. And I don't know how it happened,

35. but one thing led to another,

36. and I started really getting into online gaming.

37. I'm gonna fuck you h... so...

38. I'm gonna fuck you so hard.

39. In 2009, I officially started Kurt's World,

40. kicking off the empire you know today.

41. That's pretty cool huh?

42. This is a program where I've made all

43. of some of the most influential beats

44. and some of my top beats.

45. Control-shift.

46. That's my favorite shortcut.

47. Life hacks, reviews,

48. and all the little things in between

49. that make life really cool and so much fun.

50. That's where all the magic happens.

51. Just kidding. Um...

52. What I like about these right off the bat is that...

53. Is how they seem.

54. The mouthfeel on this... otherworldly.

55. And that's also when I started babysitting.

56. You know, 'cause it's important to stay current.

57. Those kids were a great source for new content.

58. And I'm still friends with most of them today.

59. Shout-out to my friend Bobby Bud Lee @BobbyBaseCamp.

60. You tell them, Bobby.

61. Oh, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

62. God fucking damn it!

63. What's up, guys? Here from Kurt's World.

64. - What's up? - Oh, my fucking God.

65. Here with BobbyBaseCamp.

66. - Fuck! I just died. - What's up?

67. Kurt, do not fucking double-dip my stream.

68. - Okay? - Sorry.

69. These values have followed me

70. all the way to my new job, a Spree driver.

71. And the cool thing about Spree

72. is that you're interacting with people all the time.

73. It's amazing for content and for just in general.

74. Wow, that is an old Smart & Final right there.

75. But it's not always easy making great content day after day.

76. Sometimes it's just you, yourself, and your brain.

77. And that can be frustrating.

78. I haven't made a video in a long time

79. because it's... things aren't really awesome for me right now.

80. And it's been kind of hard for me to find Kurt.

81. Especially in these videos,

82. it's been really tough for me to find...

83. It's been really tough for me to find Kurt, and I'm just...

84. It's been really tough for me to find Kurt...

85. I don't even know why I'm making these videos.

86. Metrics.

87. It is a numbers game, and right now...

88. I just feel like a zero.

89. But that's usually when you come up with your best breakthroughs.

90. I know I did.

91. Yo, guys, what's going on?

92. It's me, Kurt from Kurt's World,

93. and I just realized something big.

94. And I'm calling it "The Lesson."

95. This is a surefire way for me to go viral, and guess what.

96. The best part being I can do it all

97. from the front seat of my Spree.

98. So you guys stayed tuned, buckle up,

99. and I'll show you the ropes.

100. Alright? Peace out. Much love, you guys.

101. Peace out. Peace out.

102. Make sure to follow... Follow me for "The Lesson."

103. Peace out.

104. Hey, guys, how's it going? It's Kurt from Kurt's World.

105. And welcome to "The Lesson."

106. For all of you out there who don't know me, get ready,

107. 'cause you're about to know me.

108. I'm Kurt.

109. Step one... Organizing your bottles.

110. If you check out the video that I uploaded last week

111. on Kurt's World, you're already gonna know

112. how to prepare them before your ride.

113. You've got to remember, guys,

114. what we're doing here is important.

115. You're creating a brand.

116. Actually, hold up.

117. Real step one... Get... your... rig... together.

118. If you're not documenting yourself, it's simple.

119. You just don't exist.

120. And for my premium subscribers,

121. if you hop on to Kurt's World, you can choose your own angles.

122. Plus, I'll be screen-sharing my phone all night

123. for unlimited behind-the-scenes access.

124. So don't sleep on that.

125. Okay, guys, well, I guess... I guess that's it.

126. I hope you guys enjoyed this live stream,

127. and make sure to share and comment on all your socials

128. using the hashtag #TheLesson.

129. - Thanks, Kurt. - Shit, I almost forgot.

130. Mom.

131. Hey, Mom.

132. Let's go!

133. I know that we all have our issues.

134. So let me just say this.

135. There's a trigger warning in place.

136. I'm not gonna be offended if you can't watch.

137. But, yeah, for all my real ones out there,

138. uh, it's time to go viral, baby.

139. Okay, guys, so we're here at the first passenger's house.

140. Uh, here to pick up Frederick.

141. And here he comes.

142. Alright, guys, now, the record for a rideshare driver is six.

143. So you're gonna want to at least top that number

144. if you want to hit it big-time.

145. - Frederick. - That's me.

146. Hey. I'm Kurt, your Spree driver.

147. And you're going to Grand Castle Banquet Hall.

148. - Highland Park, right? - You got it, brother.

149. Let's go.

150. Uh...

151. Hey?

152. What's up, dude?

153. What's, uh, going on here?

154. What?

155. Lot of fucking cameras in here, brother.

156. Oh, yeah, right.

157. Hey, guys. Hope that's okay.

158. And what if I say it isn't?

159. It's for my protection.

160. Oh, right, got you.

161. Oh, there's some water back there if you want some.

162. I'm good.

163. Got a charger, though?

164. You bet.

165. - Always be charging. - Uh-huh.

166. Well, I've been working on a speech all day,

167. so this sucker's drained.

168. A speech? Big event?

169. About 3,000 people.

170. 3,000 people? That's a lot of eyeballs on you.

171. Yeah. Lot of people are excited, so...

172. Actually, you want to tell my followers

173. how you greet your audience?

174. That would be great.

175. What do you mean your followers?

176. Right, yeah, no, I'm actually just recording a tutorial.

177. That's cool. About what?

178. Oh, I'm giving people tips on how to, like, you know,

179. up their social-media game.

180. Very cool.

181. - While you're driving, huh? - Yeah, yeah.

182. It's good to see men like us

183. trying to master this, you know, social-media stuff.

184. We're gonna need it.

185. Yeah.

186. What do you mean men like us?

187. White men.

188. You are white, aren't you?

189. Yeah.

190. Yeah, you are.

191. It's good. Say it with me.

192. I'm white and I'm proud.

193. Uh... no.

194. Wait, are you Jewish?

195. Whites, blacks, Asians, Latinos, we're all the same.

196. Okay.

197. Have you read the IQ studies?

198. Do you know what's going on in Chicago right now?

199. Bobby, don't worry. It's all good.

200. Who's Bobby?

201. Your gender-queer, uh, partner?

202. It's actually Bobby Bud Lee.

203. @BobbyBaseCamp. You don't know Bobby Bud Lee?

204. What's up, guys? I'm out here on my influencer bullshit.

205. I'm on the... I'm on the hover board.

206. Look at this place. It's crazy.

207. So you all know what happens when I get bored.

208. And... secured. You got got.

209. Just regarding, like, the party

210. that went down in my pad last night,

211. that girl who got thrown off the balcony

212. and hit her ankle on the pool, not my fault.

213. That dude who threw her off clearly wasn't strong enough.

214. What's up, BaseCamp? Today we are feeling grateful.

215. I'm in my home fucking theater right now, BaseCamp.

216. And that is all thanks to you guys.

217. Actually, can I borrow it?

218. I actually really need to use it for something.

219. Yeah, dude, what's up? Fucker!

220. He give it back to me, dude.

221. Phone King! Hey, I'm zooming out of here.

222. Okay, well, he's huge,

223. and he's promoting my stream on his channel tonight.

224. But he might not do it if there's too much racist shit

225. - on here, so... - You mean authentic shit?

226. Yo, everyone, being racist is not cool.

227. Alright? It's toxic.

228. Like Bobby, he's authentic.

229. And he gets free hotel rooms and swag,

230. so take a page out of his book.

231. Thanks for the tip, snowflake.

232. Oh, Jesus Christ. A lot of fucking stop signs.

233. Hey, I don't see any cops around.

234. Should I blow this next one?

235. You're gonna run the stop sign?

236. Oh, shit!

237. Fucking A, dude. You're crazy.

238. Just trying to spice things up for my fans.

239. Right, right. Wow.

240. Remember, there's water back there if you need it.

241. Yeah, alright. I am a little parched.

242. Yeah, you know, for your big speech.

243. Yeah. You know, you're okay for a libtard.

244. Thanks.

245. You just need to wake up.

246. I'm really trying to get ready for my speech.

247. Do you mind?

248. Hey, are there a lot of members in your group?

249. Yeah. How far away are we?

250. Hey, you should let them know that you're not gonna make it.

251. What?

252. Does this water have, like, a taste to it?

253. Am I crazy?

254. What are you talking about? It's just pure water.

255. Just gonna want to make sure

256. that you remove all the air bubbles.

257. Not really. I just like to do that.

258. And then we're gonna inject this right on the label,

259. because that way the passenger will never notice.

260. Simple as that.

261. Take your glue gun.

262. It's been heating up for a second.

263. And all you got to do, just a little tap.

264. Airtight.

265. Well, watertight.

266. It's perfect.

267. Check this out.

268. I've already got a bunch done.

269. One down, lots more to go.

270. Okay, next we are picking up Andrea.

271. Yeah, okay, Bobby, sure. Yeah, that's fake news.

272. That's actually a pretty good point, though, guys.

273. No one should be able to tell

274. what you're doing is real at first.

275. Because you want to get as many done undetected

276. for maximum attention down the road.

277. Legacy.

278. Okay, here we go.

279. She should be right here.

280. Is Andrea with her friends?

281. Oh, looks like Andrea is alone.

282. I like that, though, you know.

283. One-on-one, get to know the person.

284. Slice of life.

285. Oh, you know, guys, technically that's litter,

286. but I think she'll get away with this one.

287. Tell him to fuck off.

288. - It's open. - Yeah, maybe.

289. I'll see what she says.

290. Hey, Andrea.

291. - Yeah. - Oh.

292. No, no, no, no.

293. We got some good nibbles. We did. Mm-hmm.

294. I'm going to Lincoln Heights.

295. Yeah, there was this one investment property

296. you would cream your jeans over.

297. Oh, I got these cameras set up. Hope that's okay.

298. No, I think the cactuses are creating the perfect vibe.

299. Yeah, it's like that cheesy L.A. thing that we talked about.

300. On to the next future yoga studio.

301. No. Obviously I would never actually say that to a client.

302. Michael, I'm so tired of you second-guessing me.

303. Well, I don't see you out here fucking doing this.

304. Yeah. Look, I am in my Spree.

305. I am going to be on the red-eye in a few hours.

306. Let's just figure this out when we see each other.

307. Yeah, okay.

308. Yeah.

309. - What's up, beat master? - I can't... I cannot ta...

310. - I can't talk right now. Bye. - Wait, wait, wait.

311. Stop.

312. - Don't hang up on me, dick. - I cannot talk right now.

313. - I can't talk right now. - I need a ride!

314. Bye. Bye.

315. Okay, guys, okay.

316. Just like the last guy,

317. we're gonna want to get in their phone,

318. but it's not always...

319. Looks like this is a newer phone,

320. so you can't always use the thumb.

321. Sometimes you have to use their face.

322. Usually takes a couple tries.

323. Yes, got it.

324. First open your Spree app.

325. Perfect. Rate your driver.

326. Five stars, I think.

327. And here it just asks you for a tip.

328. Usually I do something kind of in the middle.

329. So I'll leave $2. Submit.

330. Next to tie up loose ends.

331. Michael says, "Sorry. Can't wait to see you later."

332. What shall we tell Michael?

333. Uh...

334. "Fuck off.

335. Canceling my red-eye.

336. No one even reposts your stuff anymore."

337. Send. Perfect.

338. Alright, you guys,

339. you're not gonna have to worry about things like this

340. when it comes to the final stretch.

341. But for now, it really helps to fend off suspicion.

342. Hey, man, you like this music?

343. It works.

344. Slaps, man.

345. I made this beat.

346. This is my soundtrack.

347. Why does rush hour start at 2:00 p.m. in this fucking city?

348. You know, it just depends. Where we are...

349. Stop. I don't want your opinion.

350. - Well, you just ask... you... - Stop.

351. I'm just fucking saying. I got to be somewhere ASAP.

352. Okay, so, like, fix it or shut the fuck up.

353. Where... Where the fuck are you going, dude?

354. Wait, you just... You passed our exit.

355. We're going to pick up another passenger.

356. Dude, this is already taking forever.

357. Are you serious?

358. Well, I'm sorry.

359. You requested SpreeSocial.

360. I have a female waiting for me, you incel.

361. Well, there is a female waiting for me to pick her up.

362. And her name is Jessie.

363. Okay? This is SpreeSocial.

364. This is what you signed up for.

365. You gonna drive around

366. this fucking parking lot for five minutes?

367. Where is she?

368. Got her.

369. Oh, shit. Okay. Here we fucking go.

370. Jessie. Jessie.

371. Hey, Jessie.

372. - Yeah? - I'm your Spree driver, Kurt.

373. - Yo, what up, girl? - No, thanks.

374. What?

375. Fuck. Dude, don't be such a bitch.

376. Get her in here.

377. Go. She's getting away.

378. - Go, go, go. - Okay.

379. Careful, careful, careful.

380. Jessie, Jessie.

381. Hey. Hey, listen

382. - I'm a five-star-rated driver. - I already canceled.

383. Listen, I can see where you're going on the map,

384. and it's just right around the bend.

385. Just get in the car. This ride could be on me.

386. But I canceled, so is that gonna, like...

387. Oh, that's okay. I don't mind.

388. I don't do this just for money.

389. Uh, okay.

390. Yeah. It's okay. Get in.

391. Hey.

392. Knocked my camera off.

393. Hope you guys like music.

394. Oh, my God.

395. - Oh. - You a fan of music?

396. What body part did you just hit?

397. - What? - What... What...

398. Dude, can you turn off the shitty music?

399. Fully, fully off.

400. Oh, yeah, totally.

401. But you were just telling me how much you like it, though.

402. Yeah, no, I wasn't. Um...

403. So, Jessie, I already told him this,

404. but I got these cameras in here set up for everyone's safety.

405. Full disclosure, FYI,

406. I'm totally and completely transparent.

407. Yeah, watch out for him. He's a fucking psycho.

408. But like I was saying, my name is Mario,

409. and, uh, you must be Jessie.

410. He has ears.

411. And eyes. And... And three legs.

412. Wouldn't be surprised if you had rabies, too.

413. Wait, hold up, hold up. I know you.

414. - No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

415. Hey, "Mar-io" or "Mare-io" or whatever your name is,

416. just grab a water and chill out.

417. Shut the fuck up. Yo, she's a comedian.

418. - Oh, my God. - Yeah.

419. No, you do the, uh, "Hey, everybody look at me."

420. It's, "All eyes on me."

421. I fucking knew it.

422. Yeah, yeah, you're like, "All eyes on me.

423. "All eyes on me. I said all eyes on"...

424. - I fucking knew it. - Wait, wait, wait.

425. Hold on. You're famous?

426. No, I'm not famous.

427. If I was, I wouldn't be taking SpreeSocial.

428. No, dude, she's got a mega following.

429. - She's legit, man. - Wait, wait a second.

430. - You have a huge following? - Yeah, dude.

431. That's amazing. How did you grow your audience?

432. Um... I'm, like, funny.

433. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

434. I mean, having a big following...

435. I can... I mean, yeah, all those notifications coming in.

436. I mean, I get it. I do, too.

437. So, Jessie, it's super nice to meet you.

438. Follow for follow, and if you post anything on my Spree,

439. just make sure to tag me.

440. I'm KurtsWorld96.

441. Sir, are you a Twitter bot,

442. or is there a real live human boy in there?

443. Do not touch me.

444. I'm as real as you. I don't...

445. Yo, yo, I got to say, you were...

446. You were one of the better sets that night.

447. - Just very pro, I thought. - Wow, thank you.

448. - Thank you so much. Don't... Don't be...

449. Glad you think I'm pro,

450. even though I was doing a professional gig.

451. Okay. Yo, yo, what up?

452. It's your boy Mario, and we out here.

453. Guess who.

454. Hot chick comedian Jessie Adams in the house.

455. Stop! Do not point that phone in my face.

456. - What is wrong with you? - Yeah, point it at me,

457. your driver, Kurt's World.

458. - Kurt's World. Follow me. - You shut the fuck up.

459. - KurtsWorld96. - You come on.

460. Give me a little smile.

461. Oh, my God, are all the tanning oils getting to your head?

462. I thought all you frat boys didn't like black people?

463. What the... Why would you say that?

464. That's not fucking true. Now I can't even post this.

465. Oh, no.

466. Squirt's World, just let me out here.

467. No, come on, let me just do this one more time, please.

468. What? Are you serious? You are pissing me off.

469. Honestly, man, I'm about ready to drop you off

470. on the side of the road, okay?

471. You're pissing off Jessie Adams.

472. Just grab a water and get ready to call another Spree.

473. On the side of the fucking highway?

474. Are you nuts?

475. No, no, I'm not. And you know what?

476. You just got yourself a one-star rating, bitch.

477. And you, you should really use that beautiful smile

478. a little bit more often.

479. - Oh, wow. Okay, alright. - Yeah.

480. Hey, guys, I'm stuck in a SpreeSocial

481. with this defective clown.

482. He's been nagging me and asking me to smile.

483. If you see him on the street, just cross to the other side.

484. Or just push him in traffic. That'd be better for everybody.

485. - He goes by the name of Mario. - Hey, everyone, what's going on?

486. KurtsWorld96 here.

487. Follow me for "The Lesson." Link's in the bio.

488. - And I always follow back. - Oh, my God.

489. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

490. I'm in a fucking SpreeSocial to save 3 bucks?

491. For this headache? This ever happen to you guys?

492. I'm just saying that you becoming Insta famous

493. has really gone to your head, 'cause you're a total bitch.

494. Oh.

495. - Out. - Me?

496. She's the one being all fucking mean and shit.

497. No, fuck this. I'm getting out.

498. No, no, no, wait. Are you sure?

499. Fuck you.

500. And you just, like, reel it in a little bit.

501. No one says "Follow for follow" out loud.

502. Wait, no, you... You can't take that.

503. - Why? 'Cause the ride was free? - No, you just...

504. - You cannot take that. - Seriously?

505. Hey, maybe don't be such a bitch next time.

506. Oh, how's this for being a bitch?

507. Just drive, faggot.

508. You know what?

509. The only way to fix this is with some pussy.

510. Yo, where the fuck are we going right now?

511. It's a shortcut.

512. This is not a fucking shortcut. Are you serious?

513. Yeah, it is a shortcut.

514. I know this park like the back of my hand.

515. Got to be kidding me.

516. Cross to the other side.

517. Or just push him in traffic. That'd be better for everybody.

518. He goes by the name of Mario.

519. Oh, fuck, I...

520. I don't feel so good.

521. You don't... You don't... Do you need me to pull over?

522. Oh, yo, she's got like 200K followers.

523. I'm getting all this hate already.

524. Don't vomit in my car.

525. Oh, God! Fuck.

526. This fucking... Got to be kidding me.

527. What the fuck, man? Keep going.

528. No, if you're gonna barf, get out of my car.

529. I have some dumb bitch waiting for me.

530. And I need to go fuck her right fucking now!

531. I need to keep my car clean!

532. So if you're gonna hurl, get outside and do it. Go.

533. Alright, you know what? I got to take a piss anyway.

534. That's the only reason I'm doing this right now.

535. You fucking beta.

536. Zero stars for you.

537. Wow, are you guys seeing this?

538. Fun.

539. Okay, look, I know this face mask looks this way

540. because it's a charcoal mask.

541. I know that.

542. But doesn't it feel like maybe, just maybe,

543. this was created so people could try out blackface

544. for 10 to 15 minutes at a time?

545. Look at this white lady. Look at how happy she is.

546. She knows she's getting away with something.

547. I'm just saying.

548. Shit.

549. Let there be light.

550. You think I would let "The Lesson"

551. continue in the dark?

552. Check that.

553. Perfect.

554. She's got good content.

555. She needs me.

556. Like, if a woman's not smiling all the time

557. or looking happy all the time, she looks like a bitch?

558. No, bitch, that was me.

559. Damn, girl, your carpet looking ratchet.

560. Bew-bew-bew!

561. I been scammed, bruh.

562. I looked at my phone. I looked back up.

563. His dick was out.

564. Learned my lesson.

565. I don't tell anyone the time anymore.

566. That's my active bitch face.

567. What time is it?

568. Time for you to go fuck yourself.

569. That's what time it is.

570. Alright, thank you very much.

571. Hmm.

572. Doing a show tonight.

573. Joke Bros.

574. Big presence. Joke Bros are huge.

575. Too bad I can't go.

576. It's funny how the stars will align like that.

577. Me and Jessie, two big things...

578. Two big things happening on the... on the same night.

579. It's universal coincidence.

580. Never miss an opportunity for branding.

581. Are you with me on this, Bobby?

582. I mean, I knew this was going to work.

583. I knew it.

584. Uh, what does that mean?

585. Dude, I'm literally, like, the only one watching.

586. Yeah, Bobby, that's because everybody knows

587. we're taking a break right now.

588. I'm tipping off my tank.

589. And they were... It was double digits before.

590. Less than 10 equals single digits.

591. How is this even possible?

592. I'm literally out here giving everything I've got.

593. I'm picking people up and dropping them off.

594. Dropping them off.

595. No one wants to watch a white guy drive around and whatever.

596. Whatever?

597. I...

598. Dude, I'm literally out here, like, live...

599. killing people.

600. No, Bobby, it's not stale content.

601. It's authentic. Alright, it's...

602. It's like, um, homeless hero, y-you know?

603. Watch it again LOL.

604. Now, you guys know I usually prank the homeless.

605. Homeless prank 17.

606. Here we go, guys. Check this out.

607. It's not even real money, bro.

608. But today we're doing something different.

609. Your boy had a little change of heart,

610. and I'm really glad that I did.

611. I wanted to know what an authentic homeless guy would do

612. if he found a real $100 bill on the street.

613. So I set it up and secretly followed him around.

614. Let's go.

615. Liquor store. Pathetic.

616. How many 40s can $100 get you?

617. Now let's see where he's headed with his big score.

618. Oh, wait. What's going on?

619. Oh, my God, it looks like he just gave them food

620. and, like, supplies for them to eat.

621. Wow. Looks like this guy really is a homeless hero.

622. This guy went out and made a huge difference

623. for his community, and you can, too.

624. Drop a like and smash that "subscribe" button.

625. It makes a huge difference.

626. Okay, okay, okay, Bobby. Fine.

627. You're right. I promise to spice things up.

628. But what about your promise to me, Bobby, huh?

629. What about your promise?

630. You promised that you would share "The Lesson" tonight.

631. I don't see... I haven't seen anything from you.

632. Not anything.

633. It's not fucking evil. It's awesome content.

634. Add some WTF moments or GTFO.

635. Okay.

636. What the fuck?

637. Stop! Stop!

638. - Fuck you! - What the fuck?

639. I got it, I got it, I got it!

640. I got it! I've got it!

641. - I've got it. - What the fuck are you doing?

642. Oh, my God, okay. So boring.

643. Oh, my gosh. Check this out. Ohh.

644. No one cares about your fucking stupid lights, dude.

645. You almost just killed us.

646. No, I didn't.

647. Come on, you guys, this is what we said we wanted.

648. - An adventure. - No, London.

649. Things that we can put on the Gram, that's it.

650. You know what? Whatever.

651. Next time why don't you guys just buy a fucking Groupon

652. and count me out, you pussies.

653. She's mad.

654. Is this okay?

655. Yeah, yeah, sure.

656. Don't listen to them, because I think you're a badass.

657. Your lips are so pretty.

658. - Thanks, babe. - I need pretty lips.

659. Hold on. What the fuck is that?

660. - Oh, what's this, Mr. Fix-it? - No, no!

661. No! No. No.

662. - Don't touch his drill. - Don't touch his drill.

663. - It's cute, though. - You know what?

664. I think... I actually think I know what you guys want.

665. Get people to think you're having, like, a big adventure,

666. like, a total WTF moment, am I right?

667. Yeah.

668. Well, honestly, I know this...

669. I know this spot that not a lot of people know.

670. And it's a really incredible view,

671. and it'll be empty right now.

672. - What if we go hit it up? - Yeah, that sounds cool.

673. Yeah? What do you guys think about that?

674. Would you guys want to go?

675. Fucking incredible spot.

676. Fuck it, sure.

677. - Let's fest. - Yeah.

678. Alright, guys, get your phones out, get up there.

679. - Go for it. - Up there?

680. Are you being serious? Put our heads up there?

681. Live a little.

682. Okay, let's do it.

683. Feel like prom.

684. - Oh, we're prom queens. - Get up there, guys.

685. We're both prom queens. Okay, stop yelling at us.

686. Hey, guys, it's so random.

687. I want to take a picture

688. looking, like, this super pretty,

689. - against, like, the ugly stuff. - Yes.

690. Hey, you guys, make sure to take some selfies,

691. and if you do, tag it #TheLesson, one word.

692. Bless... #blessings.

693. - No, #TheLesson. - No, #TheLesson, one word.

694. This place is so funky.

695. But so beautiful.

696. Thanks, yeah.

697. Yeah, my mom's dad used to own this place.

698. - So I practically grew up here. - Really?

699. Oh, my God, there's for sure a dead body here.

700. It smells like there's, like, several dead bodies here.

701. My mom actually found this here. She gave it to me.

702. That's so sweet.

703. She must really love you.

704. Yeah, she ditched my dad right after that.

705. She used to be a major star fucker.

706. Hmm. That sucks, I guess.

707. No, it's okay. My dad's a fucking loser anyway.

708. I kind of feel like I'm having déjà vu.

709. Did you know that means

710. you're exactly where you're supposed to be?

711. It's 'cause I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

712. Fuck.

713. Oh, my God, oh, my God. Kurt! Guys!

714. - Aah, London, what the fuck? - Are you okay?

715. Oh, my God, bitch, this is amazing!

716. Driver, you're getting five stars.

717. Hey, roll your window down and get your phone out.

718. You're not gonna want to miss this.

719. Whoo!

720. Wait, stop, stop.

721. Fuck, fuck. Ow!

722. Aah!

723. Oh, my God, Kurt, be careful.

724. Oh, sorry. I'm just trying to give you guys

725. cool shit you can post.

726. Oh, my God, look how many likes I'm getting.

727. Oh, show me.

728. Aah! Ah!

729. Oh, my God! Roll the window up!

730. Roll the window up.

731. Roll up the window.

732. What's up, dude?

733. Yo, yo, did you just fucking see that?

734. See what?

735. I just got, like, the most epic fucking kill ever.

736. It was a triple KO. Bobby.

737. Well, if a tree falls in the forest

738. and there's no one there to see it,

739. like, does it even actually fall, dude? No.

740. What the fuck is wrong with everybody?

741. This should be going viral by now.

742. I just got seven.

743. Bobby I got seven rideshare kills.

744. Why... Why isn't this trending?

745. 'Cause you're not fucking good at this.

746. Wake up. Okay, some people are born with influencer vibes.

747. And some people are not.

748. Okay, like that comedian girl

749. who was in the back of your Spree, Jessie Adams,

750. I checked out her shit,

751. and she's got great energy and an authentic brand.

752. Why don't you take a look at her story

753. and see how it's done, retard?

754. No 'roids here.

755. Oh, my gosh, it's a puppy parade.

756. - Can I pet them? - Yeah.

757. Oh, my goodness. This is how I want to die.

758. Yes, yes, hi.

759. Can I have one of these, maybe two of these?

760. Oh, my God.

761. The love of my life.

762. He's been nagging me and asking me to smile.

763. If you see him on the street, just cross to the other side.

764. Or just push him in traffic. That'd be better for everybody.

765. - He goes by the name of Mario. - Hey, everyone, what's going on?

766. KurtsWorld96 here.

767. Follow me for "The Lesson." Link's in the bio.

768. - And I always follow back. - Oh, my God.

769. It's in the past. It's not gonna ruin my day.

770. Silver linings playbook...

771. Got to get your steps in wherever you can.

772. Everything happens for a reason.

773. Okay, so you know how I was saying

774. tonight is gonna be a very special night?

775. Well, the Joke Bros are coming to my show,

776. and they're live-streaming my set

777. for their midnight madness thing.

778. Like a million people are gonna be watching this tonight.

779. She doesn't even film her stories vertically.

780. For one of my toughest critics.

781. Do all of her fans have neck problems?

782. - You ready? - She's going live.

783. And this is vertical?

784. That's totally inconsistent,

785. and consistency's the first ground rule.

786. Do you have any brand identity at all?

787. Makes me upset when you're not being uniform.

788. You fell asleep during my jokes.

789. Was you telling jokes?

790. I don't think I would have closed my eyes

791. if I had heard jokes.

792. Jessie Adams, if you're listening, you disappoint me.

793. If you think it's so easy, then you say something funny.

794. Something funny.

795. Okay, now you all see where I get it from.

796. It's one of the oldest tricks in the book.

797. - But it still works. - But it still works.

798. Oh, my God, like a broken record.

799. This is not very relatable to me.

800. - 'Cause my grandma's dead. - Uh-oh, Grandma.

801. My fans think you're a snack.

802. How would... How... How would everyone relate to this?

803. She's gonna get a million views tonight.

804. And I'm gonna get nothing?

805. - The dog filter. - No.

806. I'm not letting that happen.

807. I wish I could hang out all night

808. with this strong, beautiful queen.

809. But instead I have to go hang out

810. with you bozos coming to my show.

811. You promised me an audience, Bobby.

812. Don't be using me as no ticket bait, either.

813. - Damn, Gram. - That should be my audience.

814. And if I can't have it, why can she have it?

815. When you get to be my age

816. and you just a few feet away from the grim reaper,

817. - you don't have no choice. - Should be my audience.

818. Please don't talk about the grim reaper.

819. You're gonna live forever. Okay?

820. I don't know what I would do without you.

821. Things have to be fair.

822. Okay, now is the moment you've all been waiting for.

823. Things have to be fair, Jessie.

824. Don't go anywhere.

825. It's my house.

826. Why would I go anywhere?

827. Yeah, that's a good point.

828. Oh, that's so sweet, Jonesy. That means a lot to me.

829. Yeah, let me know what you guys think of the set tonight.

830. It's gonna be a weird one.

831. That phone's making you act foolish.

832. Thanks for ironing, Grandma.

833. Hope you're watching this, Bobby.

834. What do you think of these pants?

835. Too Ronald McDonald?

836. Honk, honk.

837. Not trying to be a clown tonight.

838. Maybe this.

839. I like this. Maybe some "Kill Bill" yellow.

840. Like a little bumblebee.

841. Who the fuck is that?

842. Grandma.

843. Grandma, are you expecting somebody?

844. I told you the reaper was close.

845. Oh, my God.

846. Who would come here at this hour?

847. I thought I was your only friend.

848. - Your chariot awaits. - What are you doing here?

849. I told you I'd meet you at the show.

850. Yeah, no, I saw your story.

851. I figured you could use some help.

852. Like, I think we should talk.

853. Are you streaming me in your fucking shit right now?

854. Sorry. It's important.

855. I knew I shouldn't have told you where I moved.

856. Dude, you need to go, okay?

857. I don't want to be part of your dumb evil shit, alright?

858. No, you are part of it, okay?

859. 'Cause we're... we're... We're collaborators.

860. - We're big-time collaborators. - No, no.

861. For the record, we're definitely not.

862. - Alright, later, Kurt. - No, no.

863. No.

864. Alright, you asked for this, man.

865. What is up, BaseCamp? It's that time again.

866. Bobby Court, where I am the judge, jury, and executioner.

867. Today I actually wanted to set the record straight on something

868. that's been bugging me for a minute, y'all.

869. See this motherfucker right here?

870. This guy's name is Kurt.

871. And just because he used to babysit me

872. when I was, like, fucking 2, he thinks I owe him something.

873. I don't owe you shit dude, okay?

874. Now Kurt's up to some super, super-evil shit,

875. and he's trying to pin it on me.

876. You see, guys, the thing about Kurt is,

877. he really wants attention, and he needs it, too.

878. Fucking medical attention, dude. You legally insane.

879. That's my verdict.

880. Dude, should I call you an ambulance right now?

881. Maybe they can take you out of here.

882. No. Honestly, Bobby, I just wanted to...

883. I wanted to... I wanted to tell you that I had figured it out,

884. something so important.

885. Well, tell BaseCamp something super important

886. and then get out my fucking face before I report your account.

887. And quit fucking filming me, dude.

888. I don't want to be on your fucking stream.

889. You fuck... You asked for it.

890. You... Okay.

891. I fucking... I figured out the last two steps of "The Lesson."

892. Step one... hijack Jessie Adams' comedy show.

893. It's a shortcut to a huge audience.

894. A lot of people are gonna be there.

895. She's huge. She has a huge following.

896. Yeah, it's a really good idea for you,

897. being someone with no sense of humor and no social skills.

898. The face of an inbred dog. What's step two, retard?

899. Become the fucking president?

900. What are you gonna do?

901. What the fuck, dude?

902. This shit isn't supposed to be real.

903. Bobby.

904. - Wait. - Get the fuck off me.

905. What the fuck? I'll kill you, motherfucker!

906. U got got.

907. Oh, my God, Miles, stop trying to be Vin Diesel.

908. You sound like a fucking hyena.

909. "Thanks for the ride, Miles."

910. I didn't ask for the ride, Miles.

911. You were stalking my grandma's house for some reason.

912. Fucking freak.

913. Yeah, well, I just didn't want you

914. to be late for Joke Bros, okay?

915. You don't have to worry about me.

916. - You're not my manager. - I know I'm not your manager,

917. but someone needs to manage you, and I guess I nominate myself.

918. Okay, it's not a nomination process.

919. I'm just... What I'm saying is, like,

920. Jessie, you could be, like, the next Chris Rock.

921. You know what I mean? You got that, like, classic

922. black-comic thing written all over you.

923. - Chris Rock? - Yes. "All eyes on me."

924. I'm telling you, next Chris Rock, for real.

925. More like Chris Pebble.

926. See, that's what I'm saying.

927. That wasn't even funny.

928. You're quick.

929. Jessie, like, you know I know

930. the Comedy Central scouts, right?

931. I can help you.

932. I wa... I want to help you.

933. I'm just... I'm just saying, you're in the right place.

934. It's happening, Jessie. So, like, now's the time.

935. I'm saying, like pull the trigger.

936. Miles, shut the fuck up.

937. - What? - You talk too much.

938. That's... That's what they pay me to do.

939. You know they do not pay you.

940. Yeah.

941. They be paying me.

942. Alright, alright.

943. You guys.

944. Holy shit, holy shit.

945. Triple digits, you guys.

946. It's happening, you guys.

947. You're following me, you guys.

948. Yes, yes, you're watching me.

949. Here I am. Hello.

950. Oh, see, that wasn't that hard.

951. And honestly, guys, thank you.

952. Thank you so much for watching,

953. all you guys who have been with me this entire time.

954. And guess what. You will not believe this.

955. I just bought tickets... Up-my-ass prices...

956. To the Jessie Adams comedy show tonight.

957. So stay tuned. You guys are not gonna want to close out.

958. Just keep it open all night.

959. I promise you guys will not regret it, okay?

960. Hey, I'm feeling pretty jacked right now.

961. You guys want to, I don't know,

962. check out my... Check out my boner?

963. I'm just kidding.

964. You guys will have to stick around till the end

965. for that piece.

966. Hey, and also for all you BaseCampers out there,

967. if you guys are confused, that's totally chill.

968. Welcome to Kurt's World. This is "The Lesson."

969. Sick.

970. Oh, oh, my God, guys.

971. Bobby's swag cam.

972. Do not tell me. He...

973. Oh.

974. Oh, hell, yeah.

975. Alright, BaseCampers, all you guys out there,

976. I know you must be kind of confused and stuff.

977. But do not worry. Spread the word.

978. Because this... this right here, this is an official takeover.

979. Alright, you guys, I'm redirecting the feed

980. to my channel.

981. Oh, guys, what's up?

982. Hey, guys, hey, guys.

983. Honestly, guys, the thing that I always wondered about is,

984. like, if all these swags are free for Bobby,

985. then, like, how do they know his size?

986. Is it just me, or is it, like...

987. It must be just pure guessing game.

988. Fucking dad's texting me.

989. Fuck.

990. Anyways, tonight's gonna be crazy with, like, the gun

991. and killing Jessie Adams, and I might even wear this...

992. Fuck.

993. Dad is texting me again.

994. Okay, this deadbeat is trying to fuck up "The Lesson."

995. Jessie Adams' show is in like two hours,

996. and this douche is texting me

997. and he wants me to go to this deejay show with him.

998. Pbht!

999. DJ... DJ uNo.

1000. Wait, you guys know who this is?

1001. What, you guys like DJ uNo?

1002. Yeah dude. You stupid?

1003. Take us to uNo right fuckin now.

1004. It's open.

1005. It was open.

1006. Wasn't open.

1007. Fucking late.

1008. Hello, dude.

1009. Get in the car. I'm in a hurry.

1010. Plastic? Really?

1011. Get in the car.

1012. Such a rookie move.

1013. Thanks for the ride.

1014. You're really coming through in the clutch.

1015. Whoa, you're not gonna let your dad

1016. get his fucking seat belt on, bro?

1017. Sorry, we don't have time, and I'm charging you.

1018. Go on your Spree app and request a ride.

1019. - What? - Do you think this is for free?

1020. Seriously?

1021. Can you imagine me charging you

1022. for every meal I fucking gave you?

1023. I wonder what that would account to.

1024. One cheeseburger?

1025. Because Mom pretty much took care of everything.

1026. Ohhh.

1027. So you want to get into details about me and your mother?

1028. Because I got fucking details

1029. we can get into about me and your mother.

1030. I like the fucking cameras and the lights.

1031. Action.

1032. Do they change color?

1033. No.

1034. Well, they should.

1035. Red light.

1036. What the fuck?

1037. What the fuck is that?

1038. Dumbass.

1039. Fuck this.

1040. Hey, hey, hey, what the fuck?

1041. What the fuck was that?

1042. The BPAs, bro, they're not good.

1043. The BPA from the plastic seeps into the water.

1044. You're gonna get fucking estrogen in your testes.

1045. I'm getting a lot of anti-BPA activism on my networks.

1046. - On your networks? - Yeah, on my networks.

1047. Oh.

1048. Where's that mixtape we made of those beats?

1049. I don't know.

1050. What the fuck is this?

1051. It's a fucking gun.

1052. Kurt, Kurt, I told you about guns,

1053. - me and guns, all my stories. - I know.

1054. I thought we were on the same page about gun control, Kurt.

1055. Listen, I have a gun, alright.

1056. - I'm smart, unlike you, okay? - That's crazy.

1057. No, it's not crazy.

1058. You're gonna fuckin' kill yourself.

1059. No, you don't know what this job's like.

1060. - Put that fucking gun away. - You don't know... No.

1061. You don't know what type of thug or gangbanger

1062. is gonna get in the back of my car.

1063. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt.

1064. There's a police officer. Put away your gun.

1065. Put it down. Put it down. Put it down.

1066. It's my fucking gun. I use it for safety.

1067. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, the...

1068. The police officer. Oh, my God.

1069. Ah.

1070. Why do you have a gun?

1071. What the fuck?

1072. Another red light. And a fucking gun.

1073. Why are you fiending through my shit anyway, you junkie?

1074. Kurt, amigo.

1075. Are you trying to downgrade my confidence before my set?

1076. Well, yeah, I found your baggies today.

1077. Wait, what?

1078. Yeah, I was helping Mom move some shit for the house.

1079. And behind a dresser, shoved in the wall,

1080. there were your baggies.

1081. Yeah, you must have been so fucking high

1082. that you put them there and then you just,

1083. I don't know, must have forgotten.

1084. Classic.

1085. Come on, Kurt. Can we just have some fun?

1086. Some real fucking fun.

1087. Not, like, an unboxing tutorial video fun.

1088. Real fun.

1089. If you don't rock out with your fucking cock out tonight,

1090. uNo is never gonna tag you on her socials, alright?

1091. You better get a personality pronto, dude.

1092. 'Cause right now, Kurt's World is fucking wack.

1093. Yo, we're at Club Dirt, calm before the storm.

1094. Tell all your friends get down here.

1095. We got bottle service.

1096. We got Winston and Bernardo in the house.

1097. Yeah.

1098. Here he is. Here's my boy.

1099. What do you think? It's nice, huh?

1100. Uh, breaking news, Dad. This is a strip club.

1101. This is not a dance club.

1102. Well, you know, they gave me a residency.

1103. Every other Friday, so I'm not gonna look a gift in the mouth.

1104. I don't care, Dad. How about I'm clear?

1105. This place feels sad to me.

1106. Oh, yeah, all the empty poles.

1107. - That's not what I mean. - It is sad.

1108. But it costs more to get girls here.

1109. It's gonna be fun. Come on, bro.

1110. St-Stop. Where's uNo?

1111. - Just be fucking cool. - Brittany.

1112. That is my hat.

1113. You can't... I don't think you...

1114. Hey, uNo. Hi.

1115. Okay.

1116. "Follow me."

1117. Her necklace says "Follow me."

1118. Hey, uNo.

1119. Thank you so much.

1120. You know, Kris. Remember?

1121. This is my son, Kurt. He's a big fan of yours.

1122. What's up? I'm a musician, too.

1123. And I just also want to say to you,

1124. congratulations on all your followers.

1125. He'd love it if you tagged him on your social.

1126. - He's... - Oh, no, no offense,

1127. but I cannot do that on the same night as a deejay set.

1128. Oh, okay.

1129. Sorry, bro. We tried.

1130. - It was nice, though. - Hey, listen, uNo.

1131. Uh, influencer to influencer, and I know it's a huge ask,

1132. but if you could just, like, pop me onto your story,

1133. I got a huge audience watching right now.

1134. And everybody loves you, and it would just be huge.

1135. - You are live right now? - I'm live.

1136. I actually have a brand that could go viral,

1137. and you would really push me over the edge.

1138. - What do you think? - Okay.

1139. Yeah? You don't... You don't mind?

1140. What's your name?

1141. It's KurtsWorld96.

1142. Okay? Say hi to everyone.

1143. Hi.

1144. - Sick. - Dope, dope.

1145. Okay, 90...

1146. 96.

1147. - Got it, got it, got it. - Okay.

1148. - Got it. - Yeah.

1149. Kurt got got.

1150. And just to let you know, uNo, I still haven't gotten...

1151. Hey, why is the Club Dirt so empty?

1152. The promoter's not working hard enough?

1153. Oh, no, no, no, no.

1154. They'll start coming in about halfway through my set.

1155. They just... They come out late sometimes.

1156. - You know. - Yeah.

1157. But there'll be plenty of people for you.

1158. And I still haven't gotten that notification quite yet.

1159. So when that goes through, though, I will let you know.

1160. It's alright. You tried, bro.

1161. She ain't gonna tag u bro. She lyin. LUL.

1162. How do you like Los Angeles?

1163. Yeah, it's good.

1164. Do you know where is taco truck?

1165. Honestly, you guys?

1166. You guys fucking suck, and I predicted this.

1167. - Oh, come on, Kurt. Sorry - Have a good night, honestly.

1168. You guys don't know how much... Important this day is to me.

1169. I don't know what to say, guys.

1170. Bobby cam is canceled because it was not lucky to me.

1171. And honestly, you guys led me astray.

1172. Let's just move on. I'm not angry at anybody.

1173. I don't have to harbor a...

1174. UNo?

1175. Oh, do you know where something is?

1176. Uh, do I know where something is?

1177. Oh, you know Los Angeles taco truck?

1178. There... There's a lot of taco trucks in Los Angeles.

1179. Okay, take me to L.A. taco truck.

1180. - And I will tag you, really. - What time...

1181. I'm kind of in a hurry? What time is it?

1182. I don't know.

1183. - I mean, what do you... - Okay, I'm in a hurry, too.

1184. Need to take pictures at L.A. taco truck.

1185. - Okay, are we good? - No.

1186. Okay.

1187. Alright, cool.

1188. Great. Okay, want to get some food?

1189. - Yeah. - Okay.

1190. Well, hey, what are you doing?

1191. You don't want to come?

1192. I don't want to wait line. You go.

1193. Me? Okay.

1194. What do you want?

1195. Just, like, a... Like, a carne asada burrito?

1196. Get me most famous.

1197. What does that mean? Like, nachos or...

1198. Get me most famous.

1199. Okay, then you're gonna tag me, right?

1200. You're gonna tag me after that?

1201. - Yes, I already make a promise. - Okay, I know.

1202. I'm just checking because you can't always count...

1203. I told...

1204. Hey, I'm... I'm sorry. Hey, do you know...

1205. Do you know what, like... What's the thing to get?

1206. I'm not sure. It's my first time.

1207. Okay, yeah. Me too, me too.

1208. Yeah. It's... Yeah, I heard...

1209. But I've heard the carne asada fries frigging slap.

1210. You want... Say something.

1211. You got a lot of people looking at the back of your head.

1212. Hey, everyone, my name's Daisy, and I'm 23.

1213. Whoa. I'm 23. That's crazy.

1214. That's, like... That's, like, fate, right.

1215. - So you're a streamer? - Bull's-eye, yeah.

1216. I'm actually... I'm here with a deejay.

1217. A Korean... Yeah, she's a Korean deejay.

1218. - Where? - She's in the car.

1219. She just keeps it on the down-low.

1220. She's famous.

1221. She actually got famous from a sex tape.

1222. But, yeah, it's like... It's like I have experience.

1223. Like, I've... Like, I've done some, like, sex tapes myself.

1224. And it's like when I put them out there,

1225. I always feel like I have a real, like,

1226. huge boom in my numbers.

1227. It's like I could, like, make a sex tape at any time.

1228. I could feel like I'm making a sex tape tonight.

1229. You get what I'm saying?

1230. I'm just gonna go.

1231. Okay, yeah, that's cool.

1232. Hi. One carne asada burrito, please.

1233. - $4.25. - Also, like, if...

1234. If you want to hang at the Jessie Adams show,

1235. like, you... you know... You know who's gonna be there.

1236. - You... You are? - Yeah.

1237. Fuck Daisy right now!

1238. Kurt's World.

1239. Thank you. Muchas gracias.

1240. - Alright. - Think about it.

1241. - Have fun at the show. - Yeah, see you later.

1242. Okay, bye-bye. Kurt's World.

1243. Hey, four tacos with each meat.

1244. And then the carne asada fries, please.

1245. - Ahh! - How many fries?

1246. Just one. Thank you.

1247. Ahh.

1248. I'm gonna drink some of this.

1249. You're the worst streamer of all time.

1250. Alright, get... get in the...

1251. Fuck's this guy doing?

1252. Friday nights. You got to love them.

1253. Hi. What's up guys?

1254. It's... It's Kurt.

1255. Welcome to Kurt's World.

1256. - Want to check it out? - Yeah.

1257. UNo asked me to do a takeover.

1258. So that's what's up.

1259. - Hey, can I help you, Officer? - Yeah, everything alright today?

1260. - Uh, we've seen better nights. - Mm-hmm.

1261. My girlfriend, she had a little bit too much to drink.

1262. I pulled over. It's not a big deal.

1263. She's okay, you know.

1264. I'm just giving her some food, sober her up, get her home.

1265. License and registration, please.

1266. Of course. Uh...

1267. - She's just sleeping. - Mm-hmm.

1268. You a Spree driver?

1269. Uh, yeah, yeah.

1270. Uh, yeah, not... Not tonight, though.

1271. No, no, I'm just hanging... Just hanging with my girl, yeah.

1272. But you have driven today?

1273. No, I-I don't... I don't work on weekends.

1274. Friday's a weekday, last I checked.

1275. Alright, Kurt, can I have you step out the car slowly

1276. and show us both your hands, please?

1277. - Is that necessary? - Yes, sir, it is.

1278. Kurt, please step out the car, please.

1279. Okay, that's not good, buddy.

1280. I just close it?

1281. Yeah, go ahead.

1282. Just go ahead and stand in front of the car.

1283. - Sorry. - Yeah, don't worry about it.

1284. We're gonna do a standard sobriety test here.

1285. So I'm gonna need you to stand with your feet together

1286. and your arms to your side like this, please.

1287. And when we start, I'm gonna ask you to lift your right foot,

1288. point your toe, and count like this.

1289. One, one thousand, two, one thousand,

1290. three, one thousand, four, one thousand.

1291. - Alright? - Let's go, buddy.

1292. One, one thousand, two, one thousand,

1293. three, one thousand,

1294. four... four, one thousand, five, one thousand.

1295. Should we make him touch his nose?

1296. - Jake, shut up. - Seven, one thousand,

1297. eight, one thousand.

1298. Hey, your girlfriend's pretty hot.

1299. Eleven, one thousand.

1300. - She's awake now. - What the fu...

1301. Jesus fucking Christ.

1302. Officer down. I need backup.

1303. Thank you, God.

1304. Any units in the vicinity of 105 westbound at Inglewood.

1305. Oh, fuck.

1306. Whoa.

1307. Whoa.

1308. - What is he doing? - Tell me you got that.

1309. - I got that. I got that. - Did you get that?

1310. If you guys had told me that this is what "The Lesson"

1311. would be like before, I would have n...

1312. I could have never believed that.

1313. This is crazy.

1314. - Oh, my God. - Whoa.

1315. I got to lose these cops.

1316. Do... Are you seeing all these homeless people?

1317. It's pathetic.

1318. Zero social-media presence.

1319. They don't even care that the whole world

1320. doesn't even know that they exist.

1321. If I ran over their tent and killed them all,

1322. no one would even care right now.

1323. Yes.

1324. Cops can't stop me.

1325. Dad can't stop me.

1326. Mom can't stop me.

1327. Bobby can't stop me.

1328. The homeless can't stop me.

1329. What's up?

1330. Guys, I'm starting to feel unstoppable.

1331. Pumpkin emoji, pumpkin emoji, pumpkin emoji.

1332. Birthday hat emoji.

1333. I just think... I think it's all fucking...

1334. I this it's like... I think parents are doing it on purpose.

1335. You have to call them.

1336. You have to call them to figure it out.

1337. That's what they're... It's like all they want is a phone call.

1338. So they send you these weird-ass coded text messages.

1339. It's like, "You're getting the phone call, Mom."

1340. Fucking porn is crazy.

1341. You know, I always think about, like,

1342. who are these people who are, like, commenting on porn?

1343. Do you know what I mean?

1344. Like, they've got to, like, fucking, like, sign up

1345. to be like, "Who's she?

1346. Where is this place? I like this apartment."

1347. I think it's bad that I fucking beat off to this shit so much.

1348. But I don't have a profile. It's just porn.

1349. Where's Jessie?

1350. Alright, well, I guess that's enough about me.

1351. All eyes on me!

1352. What do you say we bring up our final performer of the night?

1353. You know her.

1354. Her holiness of hashtags.

1355. The reaper of reposts.

1356. The queen of all social media.

1357. She's the reason you guys bought your tickets

1358. three weeks in advance, I'm sure.

1359. Please welcome the amazing,

1360. the sexy, the hilarious Jessie fucking Adams.

1361. Give it up.

1362. Hello, everyone.

1363. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Miles.

1364. Wow, what you lack in personality

1365. you really make up for in puns.

1366. Give it up for white guys, huh?

1367. Yeah.

1368. Can't live with them,

1369. and, well, there they are all over the place.

1370. I'm so glad you think I'm hilarious and sexy, Miles.

1371. Thank you. That means a lot coming from a guy

1372. whose ideal woman is a hentai body pillow.

1373. Let's redirect back to me. This is my show.

1374. And I am the real Jessie Adams.

1375. We got the Joke Bros in the house from Chicago.

1376. Hell, yeah.

1377. Yeah, we're going out live to a million neck beards right now.

1378. Wow, such a big show, so many eyeballs.

1379. I should probably play it safe, right?

1380. - No. - No?

1381. You don't want me to play it safe?

1382. I mean, why would I? I am the real Jessie Adams.

1383. - Are you ready? - Yeah.

1384. All eyes on me. I want to be seen.

1385. All eyes on me I want to be seen.

1386. I said, all eyes on me I want to be seen.

1387. All eyes on me I want to be seen.

1388. Great. Get your phones out like we do every time.

1389. This is our favorite part, right?

1390. You trying to see me? You trying to see me?

1391. You got me in focus?

1392. You got me in that good light?

1393. I got you.

1394. Do I look good?

1395. Thank you, baby.

1396. So if you follow me on social media,

1397. you probably know I had to put some skeezy bozo

1398. in his place during a Spree ride today.

1399. He was the one who was all like,

1400. "Come on, girl, give me a smile."

1401. Ugh. I mean, that's not breaking news to any woman in this room.

1402. We go through that every day.

1403. - Fuck that guy. - Right? Fuck that guy.

1404. He was a date-rape drug in a person.

1405. And I was angry at this guy, but then I got sad.

1406. Because of the driver, the Spree driver.

1407. He was all like, "How'd you get such a big following?

1408. We should share tips."

1409. And then he was kind of, like, soft begging,

1410. like, "Oh, please, Lord, tag me."

1411. And it was so sad and pathetic.

1412. And it was just like me.

1413. I went to my granny's house after, my... my safe place,

1414. like, my pre-show sanctuary.

1415. And I could not shake that ride. Like, I was so pissed.

1416. And I was thinking about that guy

1417. and that "please tag me" energy.

1418. And I was like, "Ugh, God, that was pure me."

1419. Like, he was me. I've done that shit before.

1420. And then I just, like, reckoned with myself.

1421. For the last two years, I've been saying, "All eyes on me."

1422. Now I finally have what I want, and I am creeped the fuck out.

1423. I'm serious.

1424. It's like whether you have 20 million followers

1425. or 20 followers, we're all being watched and judged and hated.

1426. And you love it, you love it.

1427. You need it. You're all addicted to it.

1428. And you're addicted to other people.

1429. You're not doing you.

1430. You're doing somebody else for somebody else.

1431. How are we supposed to know who we are as people

1432. if we're just hamming it up all the time?

1433. Okay, I can read the energy.

1434. It's very quiet in this room. I can hear a long-held fart.

1435. And I'm sure you're like, "Jessie, why so serious?

1436. Where are the jokes?"

1437. We're living in it.

1438. You, me, that Spree driver, we're all punking ourselves.

1439. And that's why when I wake up tomorrow,

1440. I'm going cold turkey.

1441. No more social media for me.

1442. Okay.

1443. Those are the devils on my shoulder trying to hold me down.

1444. Do we have any angels in the house?

1445. Do I have any angels in the house?

1446. So you ready for your log-off?

1447. You ready? Are you ready for this?

1448. Okay, all eyes on this, bitch!

1449. Yeah!

1450. Hell, yeah, Jessie.

1451. That was crazy cool. I got all that shit.

1452. That was tight.

1453. Miles, get out of my face.

1454. Hey, come on.

1455. This is a historical moment.

1456. Jessie Adams off social media. I got to document this.

1457. Why don't you pay me on time? That would be historic.

1458. I hooked us up. Joke Bros, baby.

1459. - God. - Joke Bros in here.

1460. Miles Manderville. Jessie motherfucking Adams.

1461. - That... - I got to get some air.

1462. - Get the fuck out of my way. - Okay. Jesus.

1463. We're in this! Fuck, yeah!

1464. Are you Kurt?

1465. I'm Kurt. That's me.

1466. Okay.

1467. Yeah, that's me.

1468. Don't you recognize my name? Kurt Kunkle?

1469. I just want to say I've known Jessie

1470. for, like, over five years,

1471. and she has always been killing it.

1472. This is not a sur... Come on.

1473. You still fixated on that 700 bucks?

1474. - Come on, Jessie. - Fixated?

1475. You owe me 700 bucks.

1476. - And put the fucking phone down. - Do you have any idea

1477. how many people are watching this, Jessie?

1478. I'm not gonna lose this audience.

1479. What's up, people?

1480. Do sumthin.

1481. You got a dash cam and everything, huh?

1482. Yes. You can never be too safe.

1483. Yeah, I got one, too.

1484. Come on, we should be fucking celebrating.

1485. Celebrating what?

1486. The... The fact that your set is gonna go viral.

1487. All the right people saw that, Jessie.

1488. You're made. I would...

1489. I would... I would kill for that, Jessie.

1490. Honestly, that was... That was crazy.

1491. - Let me buy you a drink. - Fine.

1492. Pretty fucking cool, right?

1493. Okay, just so you know,

1494. I'm not the crazy driver driving around tonight.

1495. I know.

1496. Dang, Jessie, you're getting a little drunk.

1497. - Can I take you home? - No. Just order me a Spree.

1498. No doubt.

1499. Uh, weird. Spree's down.

1500. You know I could just give you a ride in my car, right?

1501. Oh, my God, no. You're too drunk to drive.

1502. You're not killing me in your death trap.

1503. - It's not like that. - Just order us a GoGo.

1504. - Order us? Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1505. We go... We going to... We going to my place?

1506. - Or what's happening here? - No, go to my place.

1507. Oh, damn, okay.

1508. Uh, alright, yeah.

1509. Get a GoGo for sure.

1510. Sweet. Yeah, there's one... There's one down the block.

1511. What kind of car is it?

1512. It's a white coupe.

1513. Okay, cool.

1514. Alright, cool. Alright.

1515. Give me... Give me one second.

1516. I'm live-streaming all night, by the way, folks.

1517. - Alright. - Okay.

1518. - What's up, Miles? - Nice one, Miles.

1519. Hey, what's up? Hey, yo, hey, Je...

1520. Excuse me. Hey, Jessie, wait up.

1521. Jessie!

1522. - Jessie, wait up! - Drive, drive, drive.

1523. Oh, sucks.

1524. - Nice one, Miles. - Fuck you.

1525. Wait, what address did he give you?

1526. 375 South Hobart.

1527. - Okay, good. - Good.

1528. Hey.

1529. Hey.

1530. What, man? I'm about to pass out.

1531. I liked your set tonight. It was... It was inspirational.

1532. - You saw it? - Hell, yeah.

1533. I was there. It was awesome.

1534. Jessie, I think you're actually a genius.

1535. Thanks, man.

1536. I'm so glad you didn't take that water bottle earlier.

1537. That would have been...

1538. What water?

1539. The water from earlier. Seat pouch.

1540. Left side.

1541. Wait Ku... Kurtis?

1542. Try again.

1543. - Kurtis? - Kurt.

1544. - Kurt. - Kurt's World, remember?

1545. - Squirt's World, yeah, yeah. - Follow me.

1546. KurtsWorld96.

1547. Uh...

1548. - Okay, this is really weird. - Yeah.

1549. Isn't this weird? I know. It's amazing.

1550. I just, like... I pick you up today, and then I go online.

1551. I buy a ticket to support you, and it's like,

1552. what are the odds?

1553. I mean, uh, okay.

1554. - Thanks for your support. - Totally.

1555. Uh...

1556. Did you like the set?

1557. I didn't mean to rag on you that hard.

1558. - Rag on me? - Yeah.

1559. Sticks and stones, Jessie Adams.

1560. No, no, no, no, no. I'm fine. I liked it.

1561. I liked all what you did.

1562. Because when you were talking up there,

1563. I realized inside me, it was like this activator.

1564. And it, like... Whoa, all of a sudden,

1565. the things that you were saying, I realized they were in my head,

1566. but I just had not thought them yet.

1567. - Okay, yeah. - And that to me...

1568. That to me... That's not gonna work.

1569. What?

1570. That's not gonna work, Jessie.

1571. Hee hee hee.

1572. Your phone, you broke it during the set, remember?

1573. - Yeah, I remember. - Of course.

1574. Oh, my gosh, how could you forget?

1575. How could I forget? How could anyone forget?

1576. Oh, my gosh, I had this, like, crazy breakthrough today, too.

1577. Why are we going east? We need to be going west?

1578. You know what I'm all about now, Jessie?

1579. I'm all about love. I'm a man of love.

1580. You can just... just pull over here and let me out.

1581. Okay, just listen to me.

1582. I'm just trying to, like, make myself heard by you.

1583. So, like, check this out.

1584. Love is more powerful than anything.

1585. That's something that I figured out back there at the show.

1586. - It's like love... - Just let me out, man.

1587. - Just please... - love is more powerful

1588. than anything.

1589. - You know what I mean? - No.

1590. It could break down any sort of barrier

1591. between any type of person.

1592. It's like, man, how can something that's so powerful

1593. also just be such a good branding tool?

1594. Kurt, please let me out of the car.

1595. Do you know what I mean? And it's like

1596. imagine the audience that you and me could get

1597. if we just plussed our audiences together.

1598. Oh, my gosh, can you imagine the numbers...

1599. You are freaking me out right now.

1600. From a leaked sex tape?

1601. - That would be unbelievable. - What?

1602. And it's like having sex?

1603. We're beyond having sex at that point.

1604. We're, like, making love.

1605. Like, real love, though, not, like, disingenuine love.

1606. - It's cool, right? - Where are we going?

1607. I'm taking you home.

1608. This is not the way to my fucking house, Kurt.

1609. Oh, no, not your home.

1610. My home.

1611. My home.

1612. Aah!

1613. Aah! Let go!

1614. What is wrong with you?

1615. Didn't you listen to me? I said I'm all about love now.

1616. Okay.

1617. Sorry, Jessie.

1618. Can't believe you got out of the car bro

1619. what a fucking dumb-ass.

1620. Shit.

1621. Oh, my God.

1622. Run.

1623. Aah!

1624. Why are you doing this?

1625. Jessie, we could have been a power couple!

1626. No! Aah!

1627. Sis you're doing frickin great!

1628. Whoever the fuck is watching this, you are sick!

1629. What is wrong with you? This is not a fucking TV show.

1630. If you know where we are, call the cops.

1631. Shit.

1632. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

1633. What the hell happened here?

1634. Who are you?

1635. What did you do?

1636. I-I didn't do anything.

1637. You're really fucked up right now.

1638. And I'm sorry if you're drunk or high or...

1639. I'm gonna have to call the cops.

1640. Call them! Tell them the address!

1641. There's a fucking psycho running around.

1642. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Angela.

1643. Did you do this? Did you kill her?

1644. What did you do to her?

1645. Why don't you just kill me, too?

1646. Angela's dead. Nobody showed up to my set.

1647. So come on! Take me out.

1648. Ah!

1649. Kurt.

1650. Did you do this?

1651. Did you kill your mother?

1652. Thanks, Kurt.

1653. Shit, almost forgot.

1654. Mom.

1655. Tell me you didn't kill your mother.

1656. Hey, Mom.

1657. No.

1658. Kurt, seriously.

1659. Wow.

1660. Thanks for watching.

1661. And hopefully a lot of you now follow me.

1662. What a crazy day for me.

1663. Jessie please go see if Kurt is still alive.

1664. So many emotions.

1665. Highs and lows.

1666. And here we are, the end of "The Lesson."

1667. I really hope you guys learned something.

1668. I mean, I know you learned something.

1669. And as for me?

1670. 50,000 people watching.

1671. I guess I got what I wanted.

1672. Grab a selfie with him!

1673. Looks like someone fucked up

1674. and put your girl in a fancy hotel. What?

1675. All eyes on me! I want to be seen!

1676. But the thing about me is that I'll continue to find Kurt.

1677. I will continue to dig until I get...

1678. Until I get the... Until I get real Kurt.

1679. And that's why you're... That's why you'll subscribe.

1680. Hey, guys, what's up?

1681. It's Kurt here from Kurt's World.