1. - Please state
your name for the record.Copy !req
2. - Stan Marsh.Copy !req
3. - And, uh, Mr. Marsh,
you were involvedCopy !req
4. in the streaming wars,
is that correct?Copy !req
5. We made stuff for
streaming services, yes.Copy !req
6. And how do you know
the defendant in this case?Copy !req
7. She's the mother
of my f— acquaintance.Copy !req
8. When you made your deals
for streaming services,Copy !req
9. you sort of leveraged them
against each other, didn't you?Copy !req
10. That is correct.Copy !req
11. And now the streaming bubble
has burstCopy !req
12. and your own father is
in hiding, isn't that correct?Copy !req
13. My dad is missing,
that is correct.Copy !req
14. What exactly was your job
in making theseCopy !req
15. little Popsicle stick boats
for streaming services?Copy !req
16. Um, my job
was to eat the Popsicles.Copy !req
17. And the people who paid you
didn't care what you made?Copy !req
18. Well, if you look at it,
only about a fourth of what's onCopy !req
19. most streaming services
is really worth a shit,Copy !req
20. so— Oh, sorry.Copy !req
21. Do you know
what an exclusive deal is?Copy !req
22. Yes, I know what
an exclusive deal is.Copy !req
23. So, if you make an exclusive
deal with a streaming service,Copy !req
24. you can't make an exclusive dealCopy !req
25. with another streaming service,
can you?Copy !req
26. It's not our fault that
the streaming wars happened!Copy !req
27. So, then why not
just give back the money?Copy !req
28. - We can't!
- Why not?Copy !req
29. 'Cause the money is all
in Cartman's fucking tits!Copy !req
30. - Ms. Cartman, you
and your son live in a hot dog,Copy !req
31. is that correct?Copy !req
32. Yes, Eric,
you know that's correct.Copy !req
33. And your son wanted youCopy !req
34. to get fake tits
so that the rich guyCopy !req
35. across the street would
let you live with himCopy !req
36. but you refused, is that right?Copy !req
37. That's right.Copy !req
38. So when I said, "If you
don't get fake tits I will,"Copy !req
39. you just told me to go ahead.Copy !req
40. Yes, because I'm sick of
you doing extreme thingsCopy !req
41. to get your way.Copy !req
42. So you refused even though tonsCopy !req
43. of women get fake breasts
all the time.Copy !req
44. Your Honor, I'd like
to introduce Exhibit D—Copy !req
45. tons of women with fake tits.Copy !req
46. Tom, I'm standing outside
the courthouse where the judgeCopy !req
47. has just thrown out
the Cartman v. Cartmancase.Copy !req
48. The judge said, quote, "You're
all a bunch of shitheads.Copy !req
49. Get out of my courtroom."Copy !req
50. Just proof once again, Tom,Copy !req
51. that streaming services
have made everything suck.Copy !req
52. 'Kay, Mom, well, I hope
you learned your lesson.Copy !req
53. So, maybe now,
will you get fake titsCopy !req
54. so I can get
these stupid things out?Copy !req
55. No, Eric! No!Copy !req
56. Can I get a Frosty?Copy !req
57. - Oh, shit, it's Karen!
- What?Copy !req
58. Come on. Go, kids, go.Copy !req
59. What... what happened?Copy !req
60. - Wow, it's the real thing.
- We gotta go!Copy !req
61. There! You see?
Karen is right there!Copy !req
62. Okay, okay, everyone back—
just stay back!Copy !req
63. All right, Karen.
We don't want any trouble.Copy !req
64. Huh?Copy !req
65. It doesn't have to be like this,
Karen. Let us get you some help.Copy !req
66. Can-can someone
please tell me what's going on?Copy !req
67. Is there, like, a manager
I can speak to somew...Copy !req
68. Karen's clear!Copy !req
69. Move in!Copy !req
70. Just relax.Copy !req
71. I need to know
what you remember, Karen.Copy !req
72. I started a streaming service...Copy !req
73. to compete with
the weed farm across the street.Copy !req
74. And some guy died.Copy !req
75. That's right.Copy !req
76. Do you know where the owner of
Credigree Weed is now?Copy !req
77. No.Copy !req
78. The steaming wars got
out of hand.Copy !req
79. Your rival here somehow gotCopy !req
80. ManBearPig to work for him
and murder the competition.Copy !req
81. You... went down to the Colorado
State Water Commission's office.Copy !req
82. You asked to speak
with the manager.Copy !req
83. And then you went full
nuclear Karen.Copy !req
84. Full nuclear Karen?Copy !req
85. You went ballistic on everybody.Copy !req
86. — Okay...
- Call the cops, goddamn it,
if you don't like me over here.Copy !req
87. - Fucking call 'em!
— Okay. Karen.Copy !req
88. Motherfucker!Copy !req
89. - Go back to Mexico.
— Listen. I said—Copy !req
90. I said "excuse me."Copy !req
91. Go. Go back wherever
you're from!Copy !req
92. - You traveled all over
the state and demanded toCopy !req
93. - see everyone's managers.
- He's the one— he's the one
that went off.Copy !req
94. Oh, God...Copy !req
95. - I don't have a right
to be here?
- Outside the State officeCopy !req
96. in Denver, you caused
a 20-car pileup.Copy !req
97. - Huh? Call a manager now!
- Five people were
severely injured.Copy !req
98. And then
you attacked the airport.Copy !req
99. I want the manager of
the fucking airport here!Copy !req
100. Who's tellin' me to...Copy !req
101. I want the manager
of the airport here!Copy !req
102. And then the same thing
happened in Madrid.Copy !req
103. Who is the manager of
this fucking shithole?Copy !req
104. — In Bangladesh...Copy !req
105. And in the mountains of Tibet.Copy !req
106. And I'm sorry, Karen, but...Copy !req
107. I'm afraid all of this
has becomeCopy !req
108. the most watched videos
on YouTube.Copy !req
109. No.Copy !req
110. Tolkien...Copy !req
111. What are you doing here?Copy !req
112. I'm looking for something,
all right?Copy !req
113. - Looking for what?
- Anything.Copy !req
114. I don't know! People are saying
that my dad caused all this.Copy !req
115. That he's hiding
because he knows he's guilty.Copy !req
116. I know that's not true.Copy !req
117. What does that have to do
with the rich guyCopy !req
118. who lived here moving away?Copy !req
119. The guy who lived here
didn't move away. He was killed.Copy !req
120. What?Copy !req
121. I know that my dad wouldn't
just run and hide!Copy !req
122. What if he needs me right now?Copy !req
123. Tolkien, I wanted the guy
who lived here to be my dad.Copy !req
124. Who would have killed him?Copy !req
125. Okay, I'm done.Copy !req
126. All right,
then put your plate in the sinkCopy !req
127. and march right on upstairs!Copy !req
128. Maybe the next time you
decide to pit streaming servicesCopy !req
129. against each other and cause
a drought, you'll think twice.Copy !req
130. I want no playing, no reading
and no thinking about fun stuff.Copy !req
131. You are being grounded.Copy !req
132. It's not my fault streaming
services paid people moreCopy !req
133. than was sustainable
in any business model.Copy !req
134. - Butters.Copy !req
135. Shh! Butters, stop.Copy !req
136. Eric! You can't be in here,
I'm grounded.Copy !req
137. We've been set up, Butters.Copy !req
138. - What?
- The whole streaming wars!Copy !req
139. The whole thing was a lie!Copy !req
140. Eric, is that a real gun?Copy !req
141. Fuck yes, it's a real gun.
Butters, listen to me.Copy !req
142. Someone bought up all the waterCopy !req
143. and murdered anyone
who got in their way.Copy !req
144. - No...
- Yes, Butters.Copy !req
145. Someone worked with
the Colorado water commissionerCopy !req
146. and cheated the system.
The same personCopy !req
147. who is now using climate change
to make a profit!Copy !req
148. Who?Copy !req
149. It didn't make sense to me.Copy !req
150. Why my mom
was being so stubborn.Copy !req
151. Why she wouldn't
do what I asked.Copy !req
152. But then I saw
Tolkien across the streetCopy !req
153. and I figured it out...Copy !req
154. Tolkien is fucking my mom.Copy !req
155. Tolkien?Copy !req
156. I wanted my mom to get fake titsCopy !req
157. so she could marry
the rich guy across the street.Copy !req
158. Now that guy is dead
and my mom is acting strange.Copy !req
159. The only explanation is
that she's fucking TolkienCopy !req
160. and they don't want me to know!Copy !req
161. But, Eric, Tolkien was making
the boats with us, he...Copy !req
162. Butters, Butters.
My eyes are up here.Copy !req
163. Stop staring at my tits.Copy !req
164. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
165. There's a bad guy
out there getting awayCopy !req
166. with murder, Butters.
And we have to catch him.Copy !req
167. Good people of Denver,Copy !req
168. we are living
through a horrible time.Copy !req
169. This drought,
i-it affect everybody.Copy !req
170. It affect me. My waterpark.Copy !req
171. But I have a plan to
not only reopen my waterpark,Copy !req
172. but also help all of Colorado
with their water supply problem.Copy !req
173. So, if you don't mind,
I'd like to show you my deck.Copy !req
174. - Oh, Christ.
- No.Copy !req
175. This is the business
proposal deckCopy !req
176. for the Pipi streaming service!Copy !req
177. - Oh...
- Oh, that's okay.Copy !req
178. In just a few days
I will reopen my waterparkCopy !req
179. which will now run on 100% pee!Copy !req
180. And then we can collect
half of the pee every dayCopy !req
181. and send it out to
the people of DenverCopy !req
182. and all over Colorado
for their daily use.Copy !req
183. I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi,Copy !req
184. but I really don't think we'll
be able to get people to investCopy !req
185. in your streaming service.Copy !req
186. No, no, no, it's okay!Copy !req
187. Because I got
the biggest celebritiesCopy !req
188. who made a commercifor cryptoCopy !req
189. to make the commercifor me!Copy !req
190. We are living
in a severe drought.Copy !req
191. There simply
isn't a choice anymore,Copy !req
192. we have to find
alternate sources for water.Copy !req
193. Hi. I'm Matt Damon.Copy !req
194. You've heard me talk
about the wonders ofCopy !req
195. cryptocurrency,
and now there's a companyCopy !req
196. who can give us that new source.Copy !req
197. Pipi water.Copy !req
198. Pee can be used
for almost anything.Copy !req
199. We can water our lawns with it.Copy !req
200. We can also use urine
for our shower water.Copy !req
201. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
202. And a brave person knowsCopy !req
203. that pasta cooked
in pee water tastes just fine.Copy !req
204. Okay, hold on.Copy !req
205. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
206. Did you know frozen pee can make
for a delicious summer treat?Copy !req
207. Okay.Copy !req
208. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
209. And pee water
actually pairs really wellCopy !req
210. with an Impossible Burger.Copy !req
211. Fortune...Copy !req
212. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
213. Fortune favors the br—Copy !req
214. Go pee!Copy !req
215. With Pipi+.Copy !req
216. MATT DAMON
for water.Copy !req
217. - Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
- Dad?Copy !req
218. You've heard me talk about
the wonders of cryptocurrency,Copy !req
219. and now there's a company
who can give us that new source.Copy !req
220. Pipi water.Copy !req
221. - You okay?
- Pee can be used
for almost anything.Copy !req
222. - What have I become, Stan?
- We can water our lawns with it.Copy !req
223. - How did I just sit by
and let the world sink to this?
- We can also use urineCopy !req
224. for our shower water.Copy !req
225. I used to be a scientist.
Do you remember that?Copy !req
226. I was the one who warned
the town about a volcano.Copy !req
227. I warned them about
the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
228. And then...
it all become about weed.Copy !req
229. When did that happen, Stan?Copy !req
230. I guess we all
just got greedy, Dad.Copy !req
231. I wanted to be
a scientist becauseCopy !req
232. scientists solve problems.Copy !req
233. Do you even know what
kind of geologist I was, Stan?Copy !req
234. No.Copy !req
235. I was a
"fluvial geomorphologist."Copy !req
236. Someone who studies the changes
in streams and rivers.Copy !req
237. And when the town
needed me most...Copy !req
238. I was just out bitching
because all I cared aboutCopy !req
239. was getting high and rich.Copy !req
240. I can't even
remember the old me.Copy !req
241. - All right,
I've got eyes on him.Copy !req
242. Looks like he's in
the basement bathroom.Copy !req
243. - I didn't even know
Tolkien had a basement bathroom.Copy !req
244. - Yeah, neither
did I. Sneaky bastard.Copy !req
245. Seems like he's
looking for something.Copy !req
246. Oh, nope,
he's turning back around.Copy !req
247. He's pulling down his pants.Copy !req
248. Oh, I think
he's gonna take a shit.Copy !req
249. Mark down: "- 35,
started taking shit."Copy !req
250. What the fuck are you doing?Copy !req
251. - Oh, shit. Go, go, go.Copy !req
252. Hello? Where are— Eric,
I can see you!Copy !req
253. CARTMAN
There's no way he can see us.Copy !req
254. Just stay still.Copy !req
255. I see you
behind the fucking tree!Copy !req
256. Don't come another step closer
or I shoot Butters.Copy !req
257. What?Copy !req
258. Let's go. Move. Move!Copy !req
259. Do you wanna tell me
what's going on, Tolkien?Copy !req
260. - I have no idea!
- Sure!Copy !req
261. We're all supposed to
believe that streaming servicesCopy !req
262. were all our fault.Copy !req
263. I remember that day
at school, Tolkien.Copy !req
264. You were the one who said
I should build the boats.Copy !req
265. Because I felt bad for you!Copy !req
266. You felt bad for me?Copy !req
267. Or maybe is it that you wanted
the drought to— Butters,Copy !req
268. will you please
stop staring at my tits.Copy !req
269. I'm sorry.Copy !req
270. We've been
doing research, Tolkien.Copy !req
271. Somebody manipulated the system.Copy !req
272. All the water rights,
water laws,Copy !req
273. there's a big
chain of corruptionCopy !req
274. and the whole thing
stinks like your wienerCopy !req
275. after fucking my mom.Copy !req
276. Eric, I swear, I have no clue
what you're talking about.Copy !req
277. Then read it.Copy !req
278. Read about how none of
the streaming services had anyCopy !req
279. chance of lasting but paid
out thousands of dollars anyway.Copy !req
280. Read about how the water
commissioner of ColoradoCopy !req
281. knew about it the entire time!Copy !req
282. Eric, where did you get this?Copy !req
283. Tolkien, my eyes are up here,Copy !req
284. please stop
staring at my titties.Copy !req
285. I am staring you
dead in the eye.Copy !req
286. Where did you get this?Copy !req
287. Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.Copy !req
288. I got women everywhere excited
about investing in crypto.Copy !req
289. And now there's something
even better to invest in.Copy !req
290. Uh... uh... um...Copy !req
291. Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
292. Go pee!Copy !req
293. With Pipi+.Copy !req
294. My fellow Coloradoans,Copy !req
295. today we will try to put an endCopy !req
296. to the drought
that has crippled our state.Copy !req
297. It's my pleasure to announce
that the city of DenverCopy !req
298. will be investing heavily
in the Pipi streaming service.Copy !req
299. And we encourage
you all to "Go pee."Copy !req
300. Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Denver!Copy !req
301. It is a my honor to give you
all of the pee that I can.Copy !req
302. And so, as of today,
we are all goingCopy !req
303. - to live in...
- RANDY Wait!Copy !req
304. Hold on!Copy !req
305. - Who is that?
- Excuse me!Copy !req
306. Please, I have to get
to the front!Copy !req
307. I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
everyone, please.Copy !req
308. - Please, I have an announcement.Copy !req
309. Everyone, my name is
Dr. Randy MarshCopy !req
310. and I am...Copy !req
311. - a scientist!Copy !req
312. The damage that has
been done to our fresh waterCopy !req
313. due to the streaming wars
is irreversible, yes.Copy !req
314. But I believe I have a plan.Copy !req
315. And if you don't mind,Copy !req
316. I'd like to show my deck
to each and every one of you.Copy !req
317. Whip it out, bro!Copy !req
318. The answer...Copy !req
319. is an ocean water
desalinization plant.Copy !req
320. When all of you hear
about droughts in our country,Copy !req
321. don't you ever think,
"Wait, the Earth is 75% water.Copy !req
322. What the fuck? How can we
not have enough water, right?"Copy !req
323. The only thing
stopping us from notCopy !req
324. being able to use seawater
for our daily use is the salt.Copy !req
325. I have a plan to pipe the waterCopy !req
326. from the oceans up to
the Continental Divide.Copy !req
327. From there, we separate
the salt from the water,Copy !req
328. giving our entire country
enough clean water forever.Copy !req
329. And we ship the salt off to
Arby's and KFC where it belongs.Copy !req
330. Dr. Marsh, you have
all the funding you need.Copy !req
331. Randy Marsh has the better deck!Copy !req
332. Ever since I can remember,Copy !req
333. I've wanted two things.Copy !req
334. My own waterpark
and to only have to payCopy !req
335. for one streaming service.
And what I didn't know...Copy !req
336. was that my own employeesCopy !req
337. would try to fuck me!Copy !req
338. And fucking ruin my life!Copy !req
339. Who is this guy talking
about a desalinization plant?Copy !req
340. How did we miss him?Copy !req
341. He's just some scientist,
h-he came out of nowhere.Copy !req
342. I asked you to take care of
anybody who might get in my way!Copy !req
343. I just wanna be a lifeguard.Copy !req
344. "I just wanna be a lifeguard."Copy !req
345. You just wanna fuck Pipi!Copy !req
346. You're all a bunch
of stinky poopy babies!Copy !req
347. All of you!
You little pussy bitches!Copy !req
348. Oh, you don't like that, huh?Copy !req
349. I told you,
I told you kill anyoneCopy !req
350. in the mountains
who could be a problem!Copy !req
351. You a little ManBear-bitch,
that's what you are!Copy !req
352. You wanna fuck with Pipi, huh?Copy !req
353. Don't forget what I have on you.Copy !req
354. Sit down, ManBearBitchy!Copy !req
355. I want that
desalinization plant goneCopy !req
356. and I want the scientist dead!Copy !req
357. There can only be
one streaming service.Copy !req
358. And it's going to be Pipi+!Copy !req
359. It was- 15 on Thursday night.Copy !req
360. The people were all excited
about the possibilityCopy !req
361. of a new desalinization plant.Copy !req
362. But I had a lingering
uneasiness in my gut.Copy !req
363. And then, just like that,
in walked the nicest pairCopy !req
364. of knockers
I'd ever seen in my life.Copy !req
365. Detective,
we need to talk to you.Copy !req
366. Aw, fuck, not you again.Copy !req
367. Get out of here kid, I'm not
going to arrest your mom.Copy !req
368. You might think differently when
you hear what we have to say.Copy !req
369. - Go ahead, Tolkien.
- Sir,Copy !req
370. we think the person
who killed Robert CusslerCopy !req
371. actually had a bigger plan:
to make the drought happen.Copy !req
372. Your father
killed Robert Cussler.Copy !req
373. And what makes you think
he had a bigger plan?Copy !req
374. Wait a minute. Did he
tell you his business plan?Copy !req
375. Did he show you his deck?Copy !req
376. No.Copy !req
377. My uncle Larry
showed me his dick once.Copy !req
378. My dad isn't capable
of killing anyone.Copy !req
379. Well, I'm sure that's true.Copy !req
380. And that's why your father had
ManBearPig do it for him.Copy !req
381. You see, your dad
used ManBearPig to get ridCopy !req
382. of the competition
in the streaming wars.Copy !req
383. Butters, please.Copy !req
384. And ManBearPig
will just go right on doingCopy !req
385. whatever Tolkien's father
says because he's afraid.Copy !req
386. ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?Copy !req
387. Afraid for the safety...
of its wife and child.Copy !req
388. Not many people know about
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck,Copy !req
389. but your father
must have threatened ManBearPigCopy !req
390. that he would tell
people they exist.Copy !req
391. And if everyone knew
that climate change had a child,Copy !req
392. they'd go after it.Copy !req
393. Okay, whatever,
but you have no proofCopy !req
394. that it was my dad
who did anything.Copy !req
395. Don't I?Copy !req
396. I happen to know
for a fact that while the restCopy !req
397. of the state is suffering,Copy !req
398. your dad has been
out living it up.Copy !req
399. Surveillance camera
caught him enjoyingCopy !req
400. his time at a waterpark.Copy !req
401. The waterpark.Copy !req
402. Hello, I'm Larry David.Copy !req
403. When I made my Superbowl
commercial for crypto,Copy !req
404. I didn't even really know
what it was!Copy !req
405. But thanks to the money I made,
I now can enjoyCopy !req
406. my favorite beverage every day!Copy !req
407. Go pee!Copy !req
408. With Pipi+.Copy !req
409. Hello?Copy !req
410. Where the fuck am I?Copy !req
411. Hello?Copy !req
412. - Well, I don't know, but
it needs to be a-fixed, okay?Copy !req
413. Maybe we have some
kind of intruder, huh,Copy !req
414. that's doing the sabotage,
you know!Copy !req
415. We looked everywhere, sir.Copy !req
416. We didn't find anything.Copy !req
417. - Well, look harder,
you stupid fuck!Copy !req
418. Something going on down here!Copy !req
419. Who are you?
Did you bandage me up?Copy !req
420. Chuck Chuck!Copy !req
421. Come on! Something's happenedCopy !req
422. to the outtake valves again!Copy !req
423. Okay, that's great, guys.Copy !req
424. Keep the pipe
on the downward slope.Copy !req
425. - How's it all going?
- Oh, thanks, honey.Copy !req
426. It's good. Fast.Copy !req
427. I think we can have this thing
up and runningCopy !req
428. - for tests in a week.
- That's amazing.Copy !req
429. You're not
so bad yourself, babe.Copy !req
430. Oh, and hey, Sharon?Copy !req
431. Sorry about
the whole "weed thing."Copy !req
432. It's okay, Randy.Copy !req
433. All right, Nelson,
I've updated the engineering.Copy !req
434. I've accounted for the elevationCopy !req
435. but I still can't
figure out the pipeline.Copy !req
436. The problem is actually
getting enough pressureCopy !req
437. to get the saltwater
up here to the plant.Copy !req
438. It almost seems impossible.Copy !req
439. I don't know how you
get saltwaterCopy !req
440. up here without
a tremendous amount of energy.Copy !req
441. Yeah, well, let's just
keep working.Copy !req
442. There has to be an answer.Copy !req
443. Science always has an answer.Copy !req
444. Randy, it's good
to have you backCopy !req
445. at the U.S. Geological Survey.Copy !req
446. Thanks, Nelson.Copy !req
447. Oh, and hey, Nelson?Copy !req
448. Sorry about the whole
"weed thing."Copy !req
449. That's okay, Randy.Copy !req
450. Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka.Copy !req
451. And I enjoy crypto
just like I enjoyCopy !req
452. fresh piss on my organic greens.Copy !req
453. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
454. - Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
455. Fortune favors the brave.Copy !req
456. Go pee!Copy !req
457. With Pipi+.Copy !req
458. ANNOUNCER
Welcome to Pipi's Waterpark!Copy !req
459. Where the thrills and fun
are all 100% urine.Copy !req
460. We hope you have a magical day
and if you need toCopy !req
461. use the restroom, just let
it go in one of our many pools.Copy !req
462. Your pee will be
collected and harvestedCopy !req
463. for Denver's water supply.
Go pee, Colorado.Copy !req
464. Boy, oh boy, what a great
day for a swim!Copy !req
465. Can't wait
to hit that fresh pool!Copy !req
466. Blackhawk, this is Browneye.
I am in position.Copy !req
467. Copy, Butters. Do you see
the slide we're looking for?Copy !req
468. That's a negative, Blackhawk.
Got nothin' here.Copy !req
469. What about over by
the funnel cakes, Eric?Copy !req
470. I don't see
the slide that matchesCopy !req
471. the one in the picture, Tolkien.Copy !req
472. I'm afraid this
could be a dead end, guys.Copy !req
473. - Wait. Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
474. There's a guy here who's just
totally staring at my tits.Copy !req
475. Hey, do you mind, sir?
My eyes are up here.Copy !req
476. Eric, we're trying not to
draw attention to oursel...Copy !req
477. Stop looking at my tits!
Yes, you are!Copy !req
478. Eric, do you...Copy !req
479. These people are all
staring at my fucking tits!Copy !req
480. They're such perverts!Copy !req
481. Little boy, we're just
a bit shocked to see that.Copy !req
482. Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty
bitty titty committee, bitch!Copy !req
483. Just focus on
the fucking plan, Eric!Copy !req
484. Hey, fellas, I think I got it!Copy !req
485. I found the slide
where the photo was taken!Copy !req
486. And there's some kind of bunker
entrance right next to it.Copy !req
487. Hello, ma'am. I'm sorryCopy !req
488. but I need to speak
with you about your husband.Copy !req
489. - Is he dead?
- Not yet.Copy !req
490. But he will be as soon as
I can find him. Can I come in?Copy !req
491. Your husband
is a very dangerous man.Copy !req
492. We now believe that he caused
the whole drought to happen.Copy !req
493. - Do you mind?
- Yes.Copy !req
494. Great.Copy !req
495. Now, obviously,
your husband had some kindCopy !req
496. of bigger business plan.Copy !req
497. He might have it
all explained somewhere.Copy !req
498. Does your husband have a deck?Copy !req
499. Of course my husband has a dick.Copy !req
500. Well, I'd like to see it,
if that's okay with you.Copy !req
501. How am I supposed to show you
when I don't even knowCopy !req
502. - where he is?
- All right. If you want toCopy !req
503. be difficult, ma'am,
that's fine.Copy !req
504. But you know
where your husband isCopy !req
505. and so does your little boy.Copy !req
506. I'm sure that you've both
seen his deckCopy !req
507. and I'm sure
it's pretty massive.Copy !req
508. Detective, my husband
is a good man.Copy !req
509. Well, I'm sure
he was at one point.Copy !req
510. But then he
started a streaming serviceCopy !req
511. and became
the monster that he is today.Copy !req
512. Okay, well, I think you
should leave now.Copy !req
513. All right, fine.Copy !req
514. But just so you know,
when I find your husband—Copy !req
515. and I will find him—
I'm gonna shoot him.Copy !req
516. And then I'll check out
his deck later.Copy !req
517. This must be where all the peeCopy !req
518. is collected for
Pipi's streaming service.Copy !req
519. Sure is a lot of pee!Copy !req
520. This place is massive.
They had to haveCopy !req
521. been working on this place
for years!Copy !req
522. Yeah, looks like someone
has been planningCopy !req
523. on fucking my mom
for a long time!Copy !req
524. Everyone spread out
and see what you can find.Copy !req
525. What exactly are we looking for?Copy !req
526. Documents, contracts, condoms,
whatever you can find.Copy !req
527. Get a picture
of anything unusual.Copy !req
528. People would be
very interested to seeCopy !req
529. how far along this all is.Copy !req
530. Hey, there's some little
brown chocolates on the floor.Copy !req
531. Chunk!Copy !req
532. Whoa!Copy !req
533. It's okay. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.Copy !req
534. Chuck Chuck?Copy !req
535. The fuck is that?Copy !req
536. What are you doing down here?Copy !req
537. Are you lost?Copy !req
538. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
539. You guys, seriously,
the fuck is that?Copy !req
540. It's like a little bear pig...Copy !req
541. They don't know
you're down here, do they?Copy !req
542. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
543. Hey, stop right there!Copy !req
544. Yeah, we did it! We did it!Copy !req
545. Tell the boss we caught 'em!Copy !req
546. We finally caught
the little buggersCopy !req
547. that've been messing
with the equipment down here.Copy !req
548. I'm Reese Witherspoon.Copy !req
549. I think crypto is a great ideaCopy !req
550. but there's one investment
that's even smarter.Copy !req
551. That's why when my family
is enjoying festive party games,Copy !req
552. we do it in pee.Copy !req
553. Go pee!Copy !req
554. With Pipi+.Copy !req
555. Oh, hey, honey.Copy !req
556. - Any luck?
- No.Copy !req
557. The plant is almost ready to go
and I still can't figure outCopy !req
558. how to get the saltwater to it.Copy !req
559. The elevations
are just too extreme.Copy !req
560. Hey, what are the kids doing?Copy !req
561. Mm, they're just in their rooms,
hanging out.Copy !req
562. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
563. How about we round them up
and go take a nice walkCopy !req
564. - or something.
- You sure?Copy !req
565. Yeah, I need a break
and they need a dad. Come on.Copy !req
566. Oh, hang on a second,
it's Nelson.Copy !req
567. Hey, Nelson!
How's it going up there?Copy !req
568. Randy! Randy!Copy !req
569. The plant!Copy !req
570. It's all wrecked!Copy !req
571. What are you talking about?Copy !req
572. It was climate change, Randy!Copy !req
573. It ripped apart
the watershed and tookCopy !req
574. a huge shit
in the conversion tanks!Copy !req
575. No.Copy !req
576. It just started
tearing through people.Copy !req
577. But, Randy, it seemed like
it was looking for something.Copy !req
578. I'm scared it might
have been looking for you.Copy !req
579. Randy, what's going on?Copy !req
580. What's going on, Dad?Copy !req
581. Take the kids to the basement
and lock the door.Copy !req
582. Randy, what are we...Copy !req
583. Just do it, baby, please!Copy !req
584. Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.Copy !req
585. What the fuck
are you doing here?Copy !req
586. I need your help, Randy.
I can't go to the police.Copy !req
587. Yeah, no shit,
'cause you're a murderer!Copy !req
588. I didn't kill anyone!Copy !req
589. Look, I know
we've had our differences.Copy !req
590. But I need you to
trust me right now.Copy !req
591. I don't care
about Credigree Weed anymore.Copy !req
592. I just want to fix the drought.Copy !req
593. You're not going to
fix it becauseCopy !req
594. Pipi controls everything!Copy !req
595. Pipi?Copy !req
596. He used the water commissioner
to get usCopy !req
597. to start our streaming war
against each other.Copy !req
598. No.Copy !req
599. He used us, Randy.Copy !req
600. Pipi tried to have me killed
but some little beaver thingCopy !req
601. saved me. Please.Copy !req
602. My wife said Tolkien
and his friendsCopy !req
603. went to look for me
at the waterpark.Copy !req
604. Credigree and Tegridy
have to work together.Copy !req
605. Tegridy took over my lifeCopy !req
606. and completely ruined
my character.Copy !req
607. Don't you get it?Copy !req
608. We aren't the ones who
are ever gonna help anything.Copy !req
609. We're the ones who
make everything worse.Copy !req
610. It's no use,
we can't hack through the bars.Copy !req
611. Hey. Hey there.Copy !req
612. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
613. Hey.Copy !req
614. Are you down here
looking for your dad?Copy !req
615. I'm looking for my dad, too.Copy !req
616. Oh, God, that's so cheesy.Copy !req
617. You don't have to be
afraid of people.Copy !req
618. I can tell you why.Copy !req
619. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
620. Yes. Good, Tolkien,
I think you're startingCopy !req
621. - to reason with it.Copy !req
622. So!Copy !req
623. You're the little "sabotagis"Copy !req
624. that's been messing
with my stuff, huh?Copy !req
625. Uh, no, we actually
just got here recently, sir.Copy !req
626. - Where is my dad?
- Your dad?Copy !req
627. - Oh...Copy !req
628. You the boys that
make-a the little boats-a. No?Copy !req
629. Oh, you help Pipi so much!Copy !req
630. You probably
made a lot of money, huh?Copy !req
631. We didn't know
what we were doing.Copy !req
632. Yeah, well, who does, huh?Copy !req
633. That's doing business
in America.Copy !req
634. You just get in,Copy !req
635. fuck everything up,
pay people money you don't have,Copy !req
636. and try to get a big
market evaluation, yes?Copy !req
637. So you sped up climate changeCopy !req
638. and then you fucked my mom,
is that it?Copy !req
639. Scusi?Copy !req
640. No, see, what he did wasCopy !req
641. he paid people too much moneyCopy !req
642. while actually devaluing
the artists,Copy !req
643. creating a streaming business
that was driving contentCopy !req
644. instead of content
driving the business.Copy !req
645. So now he's got a huge company
but all he's delivering is piss.Copy !req
646. And now I'm about to have
the only streaming serviceCopy !req
647. in the world.Copy !req
648. You see, I have all
the celebrities here.Copy !req
649. Everybody to be in one big
final commercitogether!Copy !req
650. And when that commercigoes out,Copy !req
651. everybody gonna want to
invest in Pipi.Copy !req
652. And you boys, well...
I'm afraid you might meet upCopy !req
653. with a little accidente, eh?Copy !req
654. The pee-pee gonna come downCopy !req
655. and it gonna wash you boys
away down a drain-ee.Copy !req
656. Come on!
We gotta make-a the commerci!Copy !req
657. I'm sorry, guys. I got played.Copy !req
658. We all got played, Dad.Copy !req
659. The whole state.Copy !req
660. I really thought I could
make a difference this time.Copy !req
661. Well, you can't, Randy.Copy !req
662. But there is someone who can.Copy !req
663. Somebody who can go
down to that waterparkCopy !req
664. and demand to be heard.Copy !req
665. We need Karen back, Dad.Copy !req
666. What?Copy !req
667. No. No!Copy !req
668. You have to, Dad.Copy !req
669. Karen is the only one
that can get past securityCopy !req
670. and insist
to see the management.Copy !req
671. Karen is gone. Okay?Copy !req
672. I'm never going back.Copy !req
673. Then Pipi does win.Copy !req
674. And we all go without fresh
water for the rest of our lives.Copy !req
675. Come on, Karen, please.
My friends are down there.Copy !req
676. It doesn't work like that.Copy !req
677. I didn't just
become Karen overnight.Copy !req
678. First I smoked weed.Copy !req
679. Then I smoked too much weed.Copy !req
680. Then I started a weed farm
and then I got entitledCopy !req
681. and did everything
I could to protect it!Copy !req
682. But the weed is all gone now.Copy !req
683. Not all of it.Copy !req
684. The Thanksgiving Day Special?
You saved this?Copy !req
685. I-I made this, like,
three years ago.Copy !req
686. Yeah. I think it's
the best special you ever made.Copy !req
687. If I smoke this...
I won't remember any of you.Copy !req
688. It will be like none of
the past few days ever happened.Copy !req
689. We have to have water, Karen.Copy !req
690. What the hell is he doing?Copy !req
691. He looks ridiculous.Copy !req
692. Just-just let him do it, kids.Copy !req
693. Someone's been
fucking with my Tegridy!Copy !req
694. - Yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!Copy !req
695. Thank you!Copy !req
696. Thank you, everyone, for comingCopy !req
697. to be a part
of filming my new commerci.Copy !req
698. This is gonna be the best
commerciwe ever make-a!Copy !req
699. Okay, now everyone look
like you're having fun!Copy !req
700. Background action!
And action, Matt Damon-a!Copy !req
701. Hi. I'm Matt Damon.Copy !req
702. Me and all my Hollywood friends
have a little secret to share.Copy !req
703. We love being in pee.Copy !req
704. Are you in?Copy !req
705. Okay, that's good, that's good.Copy !req
706. Now you all play
in the pee a little bit.Copy !req
707. You laughing, you having fun.Copy !req
708. You splash-a
the pee on each other.Copy !req
709. Good, good. You love the pee.Copy !req
710. Now maybe, Matt Damon,
you splash peeCopy !req
711. on Reesie Witherspoon.Copy !req
712. And then, Reesie, the pee—
the pee make youCopy !req
713. so happy that-that you cry.Copy !req
714. I cry?Copy !req
715. Yes, Reesie, you so happy
in the pee, it make you cry.Copy !req
716. And when you cry...
you cry the pee.Copy !req
717. I can't cry pee.Copy !req
718. Oh, come on, Reesie.Copy !req
719. You slut yourself out
for crypto,Copy !req
720. now just be a slut for Pipi.Copy !req
721. Go on, cry, Reesie.
You're all a bunch of sellouts.Copy !req
722. Cry for the commerci.
Come on, cry.Copy !req
723. I'm sorry, folks,
the waterpark is closedCopy !req
724. for a commercial shoot.Copy !req
725. We'll let you know as soon as we
get things back open again.Copy !req
726. It's Karen!Copy !req
727. I want in your waterpark
right now!Copy !req
728. The park's closed,
they're filming a commercial.Copy !req
729. I wanna speak to your...Copy !req
730. manager!Copy !req
731. Good. Good.Copy !req
732. And now, Larry David, you come
up with the pee in your mouth.Copy !req
733. And then you just, you just spit
the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow.Copy !req
734. There you are!
What's going on?Copy !req
735. You wanna tell me
what the fuck is going on?Copy !req
736. Scusi, who let you in?Copy !req
737. I let myself in
because it's a free countryCopy !req
738. and I'll stand where
I fucking want!Copy !req
739. Get him out of here!Copy !req
740. Don't you fucking touch me!Copy !req
741. Don't any of you
fucking touch me!Copy !req
742. Okay, we obviously have a bit
of a Karen here, let's, uh...Copy !req
743. You can call me Karen
all you fucking want!Copy !req
744. Motherfucker!Copy !req
745. Why don't you tell everyone
what you've been doing?Copy !req
746. I want to speak
to someone in charge! No!Copy !req
747. No, 'cause clearly
you're not in charge!Copy !req
748. - What's going on up there?
- You don't even know what
the fuck you're doing!Copy !req
749. Do you?Copy !req
750. - Hello? Who's there?Copy !req
751. Who's there? Goddamn it,
I-I'm the fuckin' lifeguard.Copy !req
752. Whoa.Copy !req
753. No, you-you all need
to get a life!Copy !req
754. I'm not wasted, you're wasted!Copy !req
755. Okay, fine, if you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the police.Copy !req
756. Fuckin' do it!Copy !req
757. Fucking call the police!Copy !req
758. Bring 'em right here!
Why don't you go backCopy !req
759. to your own fucking country?Copy !req
760. - Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, whoa.Copy !req
761. Tom, it looks like
after several days of nothing,Copy !req
762. a new Karen video has finally
appeared on the Internet.Copy !req
763. A livestream caught Karen
spewing the usualCopy !req
764. entitled hateful bullshit,Copy !req
765. and more and more viewers
are tuning in!Copy !req
766. You probably don't even have
a fucking green card, do you?Copy !req
767. Okay. Please leave, okay?Copy !req
768. No! You leave! I'm an American!Copy !req
769. I pay taxes!Copy !req
770. - Okay, please-please leave.
- No! You're a piece of shitCopy !req
771. who started the streaming wars
on purposeCopy !req
772. to-to cause the drought!Copy !req
773. Okay-okay, that's it.Copy !req
774. Everybody, we're sorry
for the disturbance.Copy !req
775. Yeah, and then you pay
celebrities to get peopleCopy !req
776. to invest in your dumb shitCopy !req
777. 'cause you know
it's fucking dumb!Copy !req
778. Somebody get this Karen
out of my face-y!Copy !req
779. Oh, you fucked now, Karen.Copy !req
780. Oh, look out! ManBearPig!Copy !req
781. Dad? Dad!Copy !req
782. Dad, you're okay!Copy !req
783. Tolkien? Tolkien!Copy !req
784. Where did you come from?Copy !req
785. We were busted out
by our new friend.Copy !req
786. It's okay, you can come out.Copy !req
787. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
788. What the fuck is that thing?Copy !req
789. I think I can explain it all.Copy !req
790. You see,
for Pipi's plan to work,Copy !req
791. he needed to
control climate change.Copy !req
792. And the only way to control
anything, is by fucking its mom.Copy !req
793. But what Pipi didn't count on,Copy !req
794. was that
a child will stop at nothingCopy !req
795. to find out
who is fucking their mom.Copy !req
796. Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
797. See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh.Copy !req
798. Whoa, whoa. Hold on
a minute, ManBearBitchie.Copy !req
799. We have a great team, no?Copy !req
800. You no wanna hurt Pipi.
Look at everything we've done!Copy !req
801. I give you half
of the company, huh?Copy !req
802. What do you say,
ManBearBitchie?Copy !req
803. We can own the only streaming
service in the world together!Copy !req
804. - It's over. We did it!
- We did it, Dad!Copy !req
805. Randy. Thank you so much.Copy !req
806. Randy? What are you staring at?Copy !req
807. Oh, here we go again.Copy !req
808. No, wait.Copy !req
809. Mr... Mr. Marsh?Copy !req
810. My eyes are up— Dude!Copy !req
811. How to get saltwater to
the desalinization plant.Copy !req
812. Saltwater— saline.Copy !req
813. Saline in the plant.Copy !req
814. Saline implant! Holy fuck!Copy !req
815. Today we try
for a new beginning.Copy !req
816. You know, in police work,
we don't always get it right.Copy !req
817. I wanted a deck in my hands
so bad that I didn't careCopy !req
818. whose deck it was.Copy !req
819. But I'm happy
to be standing here nowCopy !req
820. with our new test subject.Copy !req
821. Thank you. I just
want to say to my mom...Copy !req
822. Mom, I'm sorry.Copy !req
823. I'm sorry that I can't
always be the son that you need.Copy !req
824. Because right now you need
a son that can stay firmCopy !req
825. and teach you a lesson.Copy !req
826. But unfortunately, duty calls.
I'm ready.Copy !req
827. Okay, hit it.Copy !req
828. Okay, it works.
Bring in the rest!Copy !req
829. We got Matt Damon to tell
every womanCopy !req
830. with fake tits to be brave!Copy !req
831. Look at all of them.Copy !req
832. It's working!Copy !req
833. Hey, everybody! Look!Copy !req
834. ManBearPig is leaving with
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.Copy !req
835. Chuck Chuck!Copy !req
836. Hey, wait.Copy !req
837. If that little thingCopy !req
838. is gonna be
climate change someday,Copy !req
839. shouldn't we, like... kill it?Copy !req
840. I think what we should doCopy !req
841. is try to reach out to it,Copy !req
842. see what it needs
and see if it canCopy !req
843. be different from its father.Copy !req
844. Yeah, but that
all sounds really hard.Copy !req
845. We have enough water
for the summer now. Fuck it.Copy !req
846. Let's smoke some weed!Copy !req