1. Citizens of Denver,Copy !req
2. we are in the middle
of an environmental crisis.Copy !req
3. The winters are bringing
less and less snow.Copy !req
4. And now, we are facing a droughtCopy !req
5. due to the effects
of Global ManBearPig.Copy !req
6. - A drought?Copy !req
7. - What? No.
- ManBearPig?
- What? ManBearPig?Copy !req
8. ALL of Denver's water comes from
streams up in the mountains,Copy !req
9. but now, ManBearPig
has decimated these areasCopy !req
10. and wreaked havoc
on the upper mountain streams.Copy !req
11. And so, effective immediately,Copy !req
12. we are declaring a droughtCopy !req
13. and cutting back
on all the city's water.Copy !req
14. - No!
- You can't do that!Copy !req
15. What about our
homeowners' association rules?Copy !req
16. Some of us are required
to have nice, green lawns.Copy !req
17. You expect us to haveCopy !req
18. - nice, brown lawns?Copy !req
19. I own 12 golf courses
in the Denver Metro area.Copy !req
20. You're not cutting down
on my damn water.Copy !req
21. Have you all forgotten
about the Pi Pi?Copy !req
22. I have Denver's
largest water park.Copy !req
23. All water parks are 50% peeCopy !req
24. and 50% water.Copy !req
25. You-you can't forget
about a Pi Pi.Copy !req
26. Nobody wants to lose the water,
but we're in a drought.Copy !req
27. There simply isn'tCopy !req
28. enough water coming to Denver
from up in the mountains.Copy !req
29. And the water up there
is being usedCopy !req
30. for farms and agriculture.Copy !req
31. What kind of agriculture?Copy !req
32. How's it looking?Copy !req
33. They still look dry.Copy !req
34. Okay, then I'm gonna
open the reserves.Copy !req
35. Yeah!Copy !req
36. Yeah, and so,
and so then, so thenCopy !req
37. Clyde said that if a chick
uses hairspray,Copy !req
38. you can actually
light her head on fire.Copy !req
39. Nuh-uh.Copy !req
40. Yeah-huh, Tolkien.
You guys want to see?Copy !req
41. Kenny, do you have matches?Copy !req
42. Yeah, of course I have matches.Copy !req
43. Check this out, you guys.Copy !req
44. Eric Cartman.Copy !req
45. Eric Cartman.Copy !req
46. What? You're ruining it.Copy !req
47. This is your stop.Copy !req
48. Oh. Right.Copy !req
49. Scuse-scuse me.Copy !req
50. Hey. Hey, guys.Copy !req
51. You want to come hang out
at my house for a bit?Copy !req
52. Uh, no, that's cool.Copy !req
53. It's not my fault
that my mom lost her jobCopy !req
54. and we had to move, you guys.
It's really not so bad.Copy !req
55. Uh, yeah, maybe some other time.Copy !req
56. My house is cool, you guys.Copy !req
57. - Kenny, you want to come chill?
- I'm cool, dude.Copy !req
58. It's still way better
than your house, Kenny!Copy !req
59. 'Cause your family's poor!Copy !req
60. Your family's poor, Kenny.Copy !req
61. Hi, honey. How was school?Copy !req
62. Fuck you, Mom.Copy !req
63. You doing anything, Tolkien?Copy !req
64. You want to come over
to my house, play a board game?Copy !req
65. Oh, um,
I should probably go home.Copy !req
66. Well, okay, you want to play
a game over at your house?Copy !req
67. Yeah, uh, I-I don't know.Copy !req
68. Sorry, I'm just...
not in the best mood, I guess.Copy !req
69. Hey, are you still worried
about Karen?Copy !req
70. Yeah.Copy !req
71. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
72. But we all have to try
to just be happy, you know?Copy !req
73. No matter what happens
with Karen.Copy !req
74. You're right. Okay, come on.Copy !req
75. Hey.Copy !req
76. Stan, where do you think
you're going?Copy !req
77. I'm gonna go hang out
at Tolkien's houseCopy !req
78. for a bit, Karen.Copy !req
79. No, you're not.Copy !req
80. Yes, I am, Karen.Copy !req
81. You better knock that off.Copy !req
82. I don't want you
playing with Tolkien.Copy !req
83. Karen, just come back inside.Copy !req
84. I've told you
I don't want our sonCopy !req
85. hanging out with those people.Copy !req
86. And exactly what do you mean
by "those people"?Copy !req
87. I mean traitorsCopy !req
88. who I hired to give my weed
more street cred,Copy !req
89. and then go out and open
their own weed business.Copy !req
90. You're not the only weed grower
in this valley.Copy !req
91. But I was supposed to be
the only Black one.Copy !req
92. Excuse me.Copy !req
93. You the owners of these farms?Copy !req
94. I own Tegridy Weed,Copy !req
95. the original marijuana farm
on this street.Copy !req
96. Okay, and your name is...Copy !req
97. His name is Karen Marsh.Copy !req
98. You better get that fucking name
out your fucking mouth.Copy !req
99. Well, gentlemen,
I'm the Water Commissioner.Copy !req
100. Colorado Division
of Water Resources.Copy !req
101. I'm here to find out
exactly what's going onCopy !req
102. with the city's water. Weed?Copy !req
103. The city's water?Copy !req
104. Well, you see, the water here
is supposed to make its wayCopy !req
105. to all the thirsty people
down in Denver.Copy !req
106. And, uh...Copy !req
107. Well, there's a lot
of thirsty people down there.Copy !req
108. I just want to see
how much you farmersCopy !req
109. are actually using.Copy !req
110. Okay, well, we can show you...Copy !req
111. Well, you should check
out his fucking farm.Copy !req
112. If you're, if you're gonna
check out anyone's water,Copy !req
113. it should be his.Copy !req
114. All right, maybe I'll do that.Copy !req
115. This is it, right here.Copy !req
116. Okay, right this way,
Mr. Cussler.Copy !req
117. You are going to love
this property.Copy !req
118. It's over 30 acres, and it's
in a real up-and-coming area.Copy !req
119. I think you could build
an amazing home here.Copy !req
120. Yes. Yes, I believe I could.Copy !req
121. Now, it's about an hour commute
from where you are in Denver,Copy !req
122. but I think the potential here
is fabulous.Copy !req
123. Oh, yes.Copy !req
124. It looks absolutely ideal.Copy !req
125. Do you like to entertain?Copy !req
126. Because you could easily build
a ten-bedroom houseCopy !req
127. on this property.
You could have a dedicated gym,Copy !req
128. even a full-size movie theater.Copy !req
129. Full-size movie theater?Copy !req
130. If you want, we can walk
around the property.Copy !req
131. - It's a bit muddy, but we can...
- That won't be necessary.Copy !req
132. I'll take it.
Full asking price. Cash.Copy !req
133. Oh-oh-oh.Copy !req
134. Da Da.Copy !req
135. - Yes. Come in.Copy !req
136. Mom said you wanted to see me.Copy !req
137. Yes, Shelley, have a seat.Copy !req
138. Close the door, please.Copy !req
139. I've been, uh, wanting
to talk to you, Shelley.Copy !req
140. Um...Copy !req
141. Can you tell me why everyone
is calling me "Karen"?Copy !req
142. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
143. Well, everybody
keeps calling me Karen,Copy !req
144. and I don't get it.Copy !req
145. Is it, is it, like,
a joke or something?Copy !req
146. "Karen" is a pejorative term
for a white personCopy !req
147. who acts overly entitled
and demanding.Copy !req
148. Okay, well, that's fucked up.Copy !req
149. Don't you think that's
a little, like, sexist?Copy !req
150. I didn't start it.Copy !req
151. Well, who did?Copy !req
152. The Internet.Copy !req
153. So-so now somebody is a KarenCopy !req
154. just 'cause they want
to be treated with some respect?Copy !req
155. I deserve to not have people
walk all over me, okay?Copy !req
156. I have the right to call
the cops when things happen.Copy !req
157. That's fine, Karen.Copy !req
158. Shelley, I deserve to not have—Copy !req
159. What the fuck is he doing here?Copy !req
160. Hey. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
161. Excuse me, this is my property.Copy !req
162. Your soil seems very hydrated.Copy !req
163. Must be getting lots of water.Copy !req
164. What are you saying,
that I use too much?Copy !req
165. I use the water that my crops
need and nothing more.Copy !req
166. Is that a Slip 'N Slide
over there?Copy !req
167. That is an agricultural
Slip 'N Slide, yes.Copy !req
168. Apparently, you know nothing
about farming.Copy !req
169. Look, if you have
any excess of water,Copy !req
170. you might actually make some
money, that's all I'm saying.Copy !req
171. Make money? Wait, what?Copy !req
172. You heard of water transfers?Copy !req
173. See, you have a lease
to use some of the waterCopy !req
174. from your stream here,
but what you don't use,Copy !req
175. you could actually sell
the rights to.Copy !req
176. I already talked
to your neighbor about it.Copy !req
177. Yeah, well, see, the thing is,Copy !req
178. this farm is about Tegridy,Copy !req
179. not stupid water rights.Copy !req
180. And if you want to keep
coming here and bugging me,Copy !req
181. then I would like to speak
to your managerCopy !req
182. because you are harassing me,Copy !req
183. and I am important.Copy !req
184. Well, have a nice day, Karen.Copy !req
185. It's Randy!Copy !req
186. I know what Karen means.
I'm not stupid.Copy !req
187. What the water commissioner
said is true.Copy !req
188. We have water rights
to use 10,000 gallonsCopy !req
189. a month off our stream.Copy !req
190. If we could cut back our
agricultural water use by 50%Copy !req
191. and show that our excess water
is making it downCopy !req
192. to the Denver Reservoir,Copy !req
193. then we'd have
the right to sell it.Copy !req
194. You really think so?Copy !req
195. I was a financial consultantCopy !req
196. before I was a weed farmer—
there's potential here.Copy !req
197. But how do we
even prove the waterCopy !req
198. from our farms makes it
all the way to Denver?Copy !req
199. - Raingutter regatta.
- What?Copy !req
200. We made those little boats
in online COVID camp, remember?Copy !req
201. Oh, yeah. I bet we could
float that down our stream.Copy !req
202. We demonstrate
where the water goes,Copy !req
203. and meanwhile,Copy !req
204. we start selling off
pieces of our water rightsCopy !req
205. to subscribers that want it.Copy !req
206. Boys, can you
build me a test boat?Copy !req
207. Sure.Copy !req
208. We're about to start
our very own...Copy !req
209. streaming service.Copy !req
210. The Credigree Weed
streaming service.Copy !req
211. We are currently in beta testingCopy !req
212. to see if our stream
makes it to Denver,Copy !req
213. but if it does, we are seeingCopy !req
214. if there are any
interested subscribers.Copy !req
215. Come on.Copy !req
216. - Yeah! We did it! Yeah!
- We totally did it, dude.Copy !req
217. As you can see, the water
from Credigree Farms flowsCopy !req
218. directly into
Denver's water supply.Copy !req
219. Well, in that case,
I suppose all your subscribersCopy !req
220. get to have more water
from the reservoir.Copy !req
221. Ah. Oh.Copy !req
222. You all make-a Pi Pi so happy.Copy !req
223. Now, my water park
can have a-plenty a-waterCopy !req
224. to mix with all-a the pee.Copy !req
225. Of course,Copy !req
226. you will have to proveCopy !req
227. that the flow of water
is constant.Copy !req
228. We'll need a little boat
to come throughCopy !req
229. to the reservoir every day.Copy !req
230. Every day?Copy !req
231. Boys, I'm gonna need you to make
a lot more boats for my stream.Copy !req
232. How do you feel about...
20 bucks a boat?Copy !req
233. 20 bucks a boat? Hell yeah.Copy !req
234. We're gonna be rich, dude.Copy !req
235. Mom. Mom, I need to talk to you.Copy !req
236. Come on, sit down.Copy !req
237. Eric, if you're going
to yell at me againCopy !req
238. about our home, I really
don't have the strength.Copy !req
239. No, Mom.Copy !req
240. I'm never gonna need
to yell at you ever again.Copy !req
241. We're gonna
get out of here, Mom.Copy !req
242. What are you talking about?Copy !req
243. I've figured our way
out of this hot dog.Copy !req
244. I don't know if you've seen,
but there's a rich guyCopy !req
245. building a big house
across the street.Copy !req
246. We can live in that house, Mom.Copy !req
247. We can have him take care of us.Copy !req
248. Eric, how would we do that?Copy !req
249. Because we are gonna get you...Copy !req
250. fake tits.Copy !req
251. What?Copy !req
252. Breast implants, Mom.Copy !req
253. That's what rich guys like.Copy !req
254. You remember
what Matt Damon said?Copy !req
255. Fortune favors the brave, Mom.Copy !req
256. When rich guys come up here
and get one look at you withCopy !req
257. your big, sweet tits, they're
gonna give us everything...Copy !req
258. Eric, that's enough, okay?Copy !req
259. What do you mean it's enough?
I've-I've figured it all out.Copy !req
260. Rich guys want a woman
with nice titties, Mom.Copy !req
261. - It's very...
- Okay.Copy !req
262. Eric, I'm not comfortable
talking about this.Copy !req
263. Well, I'm not comfortable
living in a fucking hot dog.Copy !req
264. We live here because I gave in
to you and quit my job.Copy !req
265. What do you want from me, Eric?Copy !req
266. I want youCopy !req
267. to get breast implants, Mom.Copy !req
268. So-so that rich guys like you,Copy !req
269. and we can go live
in a sweet house.Copy !req
270. Please, Mom,Copy !req
271. I just want you
to get fake tits.Copy !req
272. Eric, even if I wanted to,Copy !req
273. the fact is, we can't afford it.Copy !req
274. A surgery like that
is very expensive.Copy !req
275. Like, how expensive?Copy !req
276. At least $10,000.Copy !req
277. $10,000?Copy !req
278. Yes, Eric.Copy !req
279. We can't afford it?Copy !req
280. We can't afford it.Copy !req
281. Chief.Copy !req
282. - Chief, there's a big problem.
- What is it?Copy !req
283. We've got a code red
emergency call on 911.Copy !req
284. It's Karen.Copy !req
285. Oh, not Karen again.
Jesus Christ.Copy !req
286. Yes, Karen,
how can we help you this time?Copy !req
287. Okay, first of all,
I know what it meansCopy !req
288. when you call me Karen,
so you can just knock it off.Copy !req
289. Secondly, secondly,
my neighbor's kidCopy !req
290. is over here at my house.Copy !req
291. There's a kid trespassing
at your house?Copy !req
292. No, my son invited him overCopy !req
293. for lunch, and my wife is making
him hot dogs and tater tots,Copy !req
294. even though I said
I don't want him here.Copy !req
295. Well, then what harm
is he doing, Karen?Copy !req
296. His family farm is shady.Copy !req
297. Did you know that they're
doing a streaming service?Copy !req
298. I demand that you investigate.Copy !req
299. How did they manage
to even show that their waterCopy !req
300. goes through to Denver?Copy !req
301. Hello? Are you listening to me?Copy !req
302. I want to talk to your manager.Copy !req
303. I've already told you, Karen,
I don't have a manager.Copy !req
304. Thanks, Mrs. Marsh.Copy !req
305. Can you believe that?Copy !req
306. The cops aren't even
gonna do anything.Copy !req
307. Oh, well, at least
you tried, Karen.Copy !req
308. - It just doesn't make sense.Copy !req
309. How is that traitor
able to prove his waterCopy !req
310. makes it down to Denver?Copy !req
311. Well, um...Copy !req
312. maybe he got some
creative peopleCopy !req
313. to put something on his stream.Copy !req
314. Yeah, I'll bet you he did.Copy !req
315. He's got to be paying
some expert or something.Copy !req
316. Oh, if I could find that guy,
I'd pay him double.Copy !req
317. Well, you know, at camp,
they had us build these...Copy !req
318. little boats, that, uh...Copy !req
319. They're kind of tough
to make, but...Copy !req
320. I think that we could
make you something.Copy !req
321. And then we could float
the boats downstreamCopy !req
322. from the farm
with little Tegridy sailsCopy !req
323. on them to show people
where the water's coming from.Copy !req
324. Could you guys build me
a test boat right away?Copy !req
325. Oh, uh, yeah, we could probably
build you something, yeah.Copy !req
326. I can't wait to see the look
on that traitor's faceCopy !req
327. when he sees that we're
in the streaming business, too.Copy !req
328. Last night, I had a dream
that Ariana GrandeCopy !req
329. was trying to fuck
her own ass with a gun,Copy !req
330. but then she farted,
and blood shot out her dick.Copy !req
331. Ariana Grande?
That's hilarious.Copy !req
332. Kyle.Copy !req
333. Kenny. You guys, get over here.Copy !req
334. Sit down, you guys.
We need to talk.Copy !req
335. What's going on, dude?Copy !req
336. Check this out.Copy !req
337. Where'd you get that?Copy !req
338. Making stuff
for streaming services.Copy !req
339. Holy shit. Really?Copy !req
340. We made these
for my family's farm.Copy !req
341. Then we took another deal
to make them for Stan's.Copy !req
342. So then we went out
and offered boats to, like,Copy !req
343. three other farms,
and now they want stuffCopy !req
344. for their streams, too.Copy !req
345. - So, you guys want to help us?
- I don't get it.Copy !req
346. You don't have to.
We don't, either.Copy !req
347. You just have to make boats.Copy !req
348. But we want to keep it
on the lowCopy !req
349. because we don't want
other kids copying us.Copy !req
350. Are you guys
gonna have Cartman help?Copy !req
351. No. He'll fuck it
all up somehow.Copy !req
352. Okay, I'm in.Copy !req
353. Fuck.Copy !req
354. Faster. Work faster.Copy !req
355. We need to be up and running.Copy !req
356. Excuse me.Copy !req
357. Mr. Cussler, is it?Copy !req
358. Who are you?Copy !req
359. I'm the water commissioner.Copy !req
360. I just, uh, wanted to see
what you're up to up here.Copy !req
361. I'm not up to anything. Why?Copy !req
362. Well, you know, there's a lot
of streaming servicesCopy !req
363. starting up
in this town, and, uh...Copy !req
364. word on the street is you might
be trying to outdo them all.Copy !req
365. They're all just
small time creeks.Copy !req
366. When it comes
to the Streaming Wars,Copy !req
367. I intend to be
the Amazon... River.Copy !req
368. Yeah, well, you see,
there's regulations,Copy !req
369. Mr. Cussler.Copy !req
370. There's state rules
when it comes to streaming.Copy !req
371. And, uh, well,Copy !req
372. if you don't follow them,
bad things can happen.Copy !req
373. Is that right? Boys?Copy !req
374. I'm not some pissant
little farmer, Commissioner.Copy !req
375. You want to threaten me,
I'll threaten you right back.Copy !req
376. I didn't mean
to threaten you, sir.Copy !req
377. In fact,Copy !req
378. I think I can help you.Copy !req
379. We've only got
20 minutes left, you guys.Copy !req
380. We've got to work faster.Copy !req
381. I'm waiting on more
Popsicle sticks.Copy !req
382. Come on, Butters, you have to
speed up your station.Copy !req
383. I'm sucking down popsicles
as fast as I can, fellas.Copy !req
384. There you guys are.Copy !req
385. How come you're in
the home ec room during recess?Copy !req
386. Are those Popsicle stick boats?Copy !req
387. Oh, yeah. We're just making
some Popsicle boats.Copy !req
388. We're gonna, you know, like,
race them, you know.Copy !req
389. You're gonna race
all those Popsicle boats?Copy !req
390. Yeah, just, you know,Copy !req
391. race them, see which one wins.Copy !req
392. Right-right, fellas?Copy !req
393. Oh. That sounds
like a fun activity. Um...Copy !req
394. I was just gonna ask you guys,Copy !req
395. do you know any way
to, like, raise money?Copy !req
396. What do you mean?Copy !req
397. We have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
398. Okay, I just...Copy !req
399. I need to try and raise
some money because...Copy !req
400. my mom needs to have a surgery,Copy !req
401. and we can't afford it.Copy !req
402. Oh. Dude...Copy !req
403. How much does your mom
need for her surgery?Copy !req
404. About $10,000.
I'm sorry, you guys.Copy !req
405. Just go back to your boat races.
I'll talk to you later.Copy !req
406. Cartman, wait.Copy !req
407. You actually can help us.Copy !req
408. Yeah.Copy !req
409. What do you mean?Copy !req
410. Look, dude, we're
actually making moneyCopy !req
411. for a streaming service.Copy !req
412. - Really?
Yeah, come on.Copy !req
413. You can help us, and we'll
cut you in on the profits.Copy !req
414. Oh, my God, what-what
streaming service is it?Copy !req
415. It's a bunch of different ones.Copy !req
416. Here, help me
cut out these masts.Copy !req
417. Okay, yeah, sure.Copy !req
418. And, Cartman, I'm sorry.Copy !req
419. Thanks, Kyle.Copy !req
420. It's a green boat.Copy !req
421. Anyone on the green boatCopy !req
422. streaming service
can have their allotmentCopy !req
423. of water for the day.Copy !req
424. Oh, here comes the white boat.Copy !req
425. Subscribers toCopy !req
426. Kush Country Farms
Streaming serviceCopy !req
427. have their allotments.Copy !req
428. Escusi. Escusi.Copy !req
429. Pi Pi's been a-waiting
all day for his water ticket.Copy !req
430. My water park need water.Copy !req
431. You'll just have to be patient.Copy !req
432. There's a lot of different
streaming services now.Copy !req
433. Yes, there's a-too many
streaming services.Copy !req
434. There's a streaming service
for this-a,Copy !req
435. and streaming service
for that-a.Copy !req
436. Pi Pi can't find his stuff-a.Copy !req
437. Why can't-a Pi Pi just haveCopy !req
438. a one streaming service
have-a everything?Copy !req
439. Pi Pi got a streaming service
he like-a,Copy !req
440. and then-a
Pi Pi's stuff not on it.Copy !req
441. Pi Pi so confuse-a.Copy !req
442. Yeah, yeah, we're getting
more supplies now.Copy !req
443. You guys just
keep building boats.Copy !req
444. We'll be there fast as we can.Copy !req
445. Dude, I'm starting to think
we took on too much.Copy !req
446. - It's okay.
- It's not okay.Copy !req
447. We haven't even finished
Karen's boats yet.Copy !req
448. I do not want to piss Karen off.Copy !req
449. Tolkien, I've told you,
don't worry about Karen.Copy !req
450. Everything's gonna be fine.Copy !req
451. Hello, boys. That's quite
a haul you have there.Copy !req
452. My name is Mr. Cussler.Copy !req
453. I bought some property up here.Copy !req
454. I've been asking around,
and, uh...Copy !req
455. I believe you're the ones
responsible...Copy !req
456. for these?Copy !req
457. - Maybe.
- Fantastic little boats.Copy !req
458. I'm a big fan of your work.Copy !req
459. I have a nice stream
going through my property,Copy !req
460. and I'd like you
to make something for me.Copy !req
461. - Oh, we're-we're pretty, uh...
- We're pretty loaded up, man.Copy !req
462. Oh, I'm sure you are.Copy !req
463. That's why I'd like to make you
an exclusive deal.Copy !req
464. I want 10,000
of your little boats,Copy !req
465. and I'll pay you $15,000.Copy !req
466. $15,000?Copy !req
467. But I'm gonna need them
right away. Say three days?Copy !req
468. I have... big plans.Copy !req
469. Dude, we can't make 10,000 boats
in three days.Copy !req
470. We'll do it.Copy !req
471. Cartman, come on,
that looks like shit.Copy !req
472. Come on what, Kyle?Copy !req
473. Look, I-I know we're making
a lot of these,Copy !req
474. but we still have to
make them look nice.Copy !req
475. - Does it really matter?
- Yes, it matters.Copy !req
476. The streaming services
are paying for nice boats.Copy !req
477. They don't
give a fuck, Kyle.Copy !req
478. They're gonna take
everything they can get.Copy !req
479. Everyone knows,
at the end of the day,Copy !req
480. there's only gonna be, like,
three streaming services,Copy !req
481. so they, like, everyone
just wants to have their shitCopy !req
482. on their stream
and get bought out, you know?Copy !req
483. And they don't give a fuck
how good anything is.Copy !req
484. And the people who made all the
deals, they don't give a fuckCopy !req
485. 'cause they're all gonna get
fired anyway, you know?Copy !req
486. And everyone working
at this streaming serviceCopy !req
487. is now working over
at that streaming service.Copy !req
488. No one gives a shit about
what fucking goes on in it.Copy !req
489. Butters, I-I think you've had
too many popsicles.Copy !req
490. Yeah, I think maybe I've had
one too many popsicles.Copy !req
491. You guys, you guys, we did it.Copy !req
492. What'd we do?Copy !req
493. We just got an offer
for 10,000 boats.Copy !req
494. It's $15,000, you guys.Copy !req
495. That's almost $3,000 each.Copy !req
496. - We're millionaires!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
497. Hey, hey, aren't you guys
forgetting something?Copy !req
498. Cartman's mom's surgery?Copy !req
499. Oh, right.Copy !req
500. Well, what do you say, guys?Copy !req
501. With this money,
before we do anything,Copy !req
502. we pay for Cartman's
mom's surgery.Copy !req
503. You definitely have
my share, Eric.Copy !req
504. Mine, too.Copy !req
505. I really...Copy !req
506. really... don't fucking
deserve you guys.Copy !req
507. Come on, let's get to work.Copy !req
508. Just how bad could
the water situation getCopy !req
509. for Park County farmers
this summer?Copy !req
510. A new study says
this year's snowpackCopy !req
511. has almost completely
melted, and, once again,Copy !req
512. ManBearPig is to blame.Copy !req
513. That's right, Tom.
It appears ManBearPigCopy !req
514. has done a lot more damage this
year than originally predicted.Copy !req
515. As the spring thaws continue,Copy !req
516. we simply aren't seeing
that much waterCopy !req
517. from way up
on the mountain peaks.Copy !req
518. If ManBearPig
is truly out there,Copy !req
519. then farmers might want
to start lookingCopy !req
520. at the state
of that snowpack, Tom.Copy !req
521. Over here.Copy !req
522. Here!Copy !req
523. What is all this? What happened?Copy !req
524. The housing market up here...Copy !req
525. it went crazy.Copy !req
526. We've just been
selling propertiesCopy !req
527. without sleeping or eating.Copy !req
528. This property here
was the last to get an offer.Copy !req
529. The seller countered,
but we haven't heard back,Copy !req
530. and it's really
a buyer's market.Copy !req
531. Who's buying it all?Copy !req
532. Some rich guy from the city.Copy !req
533. But we are currently
taking backup offers,Copy !req
534. if you'd like.
Do you have a broker?Copy !req
535. We are really the best in town.
My coworker JaniceCopy !req
536. sold over 100 listings
in 72 hours.Copy !req
537. Look at this.Copy !req
538. They were right
about ManBearPig.Copy !req
539. There's not nearly
as much snow as last year.Copy !req
540. Yeah. There's a lot
you can do with this property.Copy !req
541. It has explosive viewsCopy !req
542. and a southern exposure
for those chilly winter nights.Copy !req
543. You can't sell
all the land up here.Copy !req
544. Can't you see
they just want the water?Copy !req
545. That's probably why they asked
for the inspection contingency.Copy !req
546. We countered
with an extra 20 daysCopy !req
547. until close of escrow.
We got them.Copy !req
548. There's no snow up here.Copy !req
549. There won't be enough water
for South Park.Copy !req
550. You...Copy !req
551. You could have
a walkout basement hereCopy !req
552. with room
for an outdoor kitchen.Copy !req
553. Think of
the entertaining potential.Copy !req
554. Do you like to entertain?Copy !req
555. "Cussler Industries"?Copy !req
556. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
557. Oh!Copy !req
558. My streaming service!Copy !req
559. What is this, Eric?Copy !req
560. Are you ready, Mom?Copy !req
561. Yes.
What is it, sweetie?Copy !req
562. - Wait a minute, Eric,
what is this?Copy !req
563. Okay, hello, Mrs. Cartman.
I'm Dr. Stevens.Copy !req
564. I understand you're interested
in breast augmentation?Copy !req
565. That's right, she is.Copy !req
566. Well, there are a few options.Copy !req
567. We prefer
the saline implants now.Copy !req
568. They-they can be put
either underCopy !req
569. the chest muscle or on top.Copy !req
570. Did you have any idea what size
breasts you wanted to achieve?Copy !req
571. The largest size.Copy !req
572. Eric, I've told you
a hundred times,Copy !req
573. I'm not getting a boob job.Copy !req
574. Uh, I'm a bit confused here,
Mrs. Cartman.Copy !req
575. Your procedure has already been
completely paid for.Copy !req
576. - What?
- Surprise!Copy !req
577. I raised all the money, Mom.
It's done.Copy !req
578. No, Eric. I said
I don't want breast implants.Copy !req
579. You said we couldn't afford it.Copy !req
580. I went out,
and I worked every day,Copy !req
581. and I got you the money
for new tits, Mom.Copy !req
582. I'm fine with my body
the way it is.Copy !req
583. You are, but rich guys aren't.
Am I right, Doctor?Copy !req
584. Okay, uh, Mrs. Cartman,Copy !req
585. if you'd like to just go back
up to the front office,Copy !req
586. they can refund all the money.Copy !req
587. No! No, Doctor, please,
I live in a hot dog!Copy !req
588. Because he made me quit my job,Copy !req
589. and I promised myselfCopy !req
590. I wouldn't give in
to him ever again.Copy !req
591. Get fake tits or else
I'll call the police, Mom.Copy !req
592. Do what you want, Eric.
I am done with this.Copy !req
593. Fine, then I'll run away.Copy !req
594. You'll just have
to run away, then.Copy !req
595. I'll go live with Grandma.Copy !req
596. I'm sure Grandma
would love that.Copy !req
597. I've given in to you
too many times, Eric.Copy !req
598. It stops now.Copy !req
599. You're not gonna give in, huh?
We'll just see about that.Copy !req
600. Doctor, keep those tits on ice.Copy !req
601. What is that?Copy !req
602. It's... it's a little boat.Copy !req
603. Stan, are you making stuffCopy !req
604. for other streaming services?Copy !req
605. Stanley? We had a deal.Copy !req
606. Are you making stuff for other
streaming services, yes or no?Copy !req
607. Yes. This guy paid us
a shitload of money.Copy !req
608. I paid you a shitload of money.Copy !req
609. Yeah, we make them
for whoever pays us.Copy !req
610. We make stuff
for Credigree, too.Copy !req
611. For Credigree?Copy !req
612. They're the enemy, Stan.Copy !req
613. You live here.Copy !req
614. You're exclusive
to Tegridy Weed.Copy !req
615. Everyone is fighting
and trying to get rich,Copy !req
616. and we're just in the middle
doing our thing.Copy !req
617. Doing your thing. Wow.Copy !req
618. You're a fucking dick.Copy !req
619. How much money's enough, Stan?Copy !req
620. Cock-sucking cunt.Copy !req
621. - What is going on?
- Oh, nothing.Copy !req
622. Your son and his friends
just made exclusive dealsCopy !req
623. for multiple streaming services.Copy !req
624. Ugh.Copy !req
625. Oh, but I guess
that's just KarenCopy !req
626. being Karen again, huh?Copy !req
627. Yeah, screw whatever
Karen thinks.Copy !req
628. Maybe it's bad for business,
but fuck Karen.Copy !req
629. Okay, I'm sorry.Copy !req
630. We're going to march right over
to where this guy lives,Copy !req
631. and tell him that
you can't possibly take onCopy !req
632. another streaming service
without sacrificingCopy !req
633. - the quality of your product.
- Rats.Copy !req
634. Well, Mom, I guess
I'll be leaving now.Copy !req
635. Oh, really? Where are you going?Copy !req
636. I can't do this anymore, Mom.Copy !req
637. If you won't listen to me, then
I really don't have a choice.Copy !req
638. Well, I'm very sorry
to hear that, Eric.Copy !req
639. I hope you take
good care of yourself.Copy !req
640. Okay, well, I guess I'll just
ask you one more timeCopy !req
641. if you would please
get fake tits. I know...Copy !req
642. I'm not getting
breast implants, Eric.Copy !req
643. Okay, that's fine.Copy !req
644. So, you're running away?Copy !req
645. Oh, I'm not running away, Mom.Copy !req
646. No, that would be
the easy way out.Copy !req
647. You remember when
I told you how easyCopy !req
648. breast enhancement would be,Copy !req
649. and you said, "If it's so easy,
why don't you do it?"Copy !req
650. Well, I'm taking
your advice, Mom.Copy !req
651. If you won't get fake breasts,
then I will.Copy !req
652. - What?
- I've already paid the clinic,Copy !req
653. and I'll just tell them that
the implants were for me.Copy !req
654. You know it's 2022, right?Copy !req
655. You know they do surgeries
like this to kids now?Copy !req
656. Guess I'll just go
and get fake tits, Mom.Copy !req
657. Well, Eric, I guess
that's just your choice.Copy !req
658. Mom, I'm serious. It's 2022.Copy !req
659. They do these kinds
of surgeries to kids now.Copy !req
660. Yes, I know.Copy !req
661. Okay, well, then
I'm gonna go to the doctor,Copy !req
662. and I'm gonna go get
breast implants.Copy !req
663. Okay.Copy !req
664. Okay, Mom,
I'm going out the door.Copy !req
665. Okay, sweetie, be safe.Copy !req
666. Gonna go get fake tits now.Copy !req
667. If that's what you want, Eric.Copy !req
668. It's not what I want, it's what
you're making me do, Mom.Copy !req
669. Okay, honey, well, I love you.Copy !req
670. - Okay, well, I'll see you.
- Bye, honey.Copy !req
671. Gonna go get breast implants.Copy !req
672. I'll come pick you up
when you're done.Copy !req
673. Cool.Copy !req
674. Come on.Copy !req
675. Yes?Copy !req
676. Hello, we'd like to speak
with Mr. Cussler, please.Copy !req
677. For what?Copy !req
678. Well, I want to let him know
that my son hereCopy !req
679. made a streaming deal
that he had no business making.Copy !req
680. Didn't you, Stan?Copy !req
681. No, technically, no.Copy !req
682. Technically what?Copy !req
683. I'm afraid
Mr. Cussler can't see you.Copy !req
684. Oh, really? Okay, well,Copy !req
685. you go and tell him
that it's Karen Marsh, okay?Copy !req
686. And that I will talk
to him right now.Copy !req
687. He can't talk to you
because he's dead.Copy !req
688. What?Copy !req
689. Mr. Cussler's body was found
several hours ago.Copy !req
690. He was... attackedCopy !req
691. by ManBearPig.Copy !req
692. Everyone keep this area clear.Copy !req
693. I need casts of the footprints.Copy !req
694. Keep your radios down. We don't
want the press showing up.Copy !req
695. What's going on here?Copy !req
696. Aw, shit, it's Karen.Copy !req
697. Hey, look, my son
was in business with this guy.Copy !req
698. You really think
he was killed by ManBearPig?Copy !req
699. Take a look for yourself.Copy !req
700. Something tore him apart
and shit in his face.Copy !req
701. Workers found him
late this morning.Copy !req
702. The footprints
are those of a pig,Copy !req
703. but the claw marks
are those of a bear,Copy !req
704. and the excrement,
clearly that of a man.Copy !req
705. Why would ManBearPig
single him out?Copy !req
706. Apparently, this Cussler guyCopy !req
707. was taking advantage
of the water supply.Copy !req
708. ManBearPig must've gotten
some kind of vengeanceCopy !req
709. for the rich guy's greed.Copy !req
710. Oh, no.Copy !req
711. Karen? What is it?Copy !req
712. Karen?Copy !req
713. It's just that...Copy !req
714. if ManBearPig was getting
vengeance on Cussler,Copy !req
715. would he also want
to come after my son?Copy !req
716. Ah, yes. Come on-a in.Copy !req
717. It's a-open.Copy !req
718. Hello, Pi Pi.
Do you have a minute?Copy !req
719. Oh, my good friend
from-a Credigree Farm-a.Copy !req
720. So nice a-you to visit.
Mwah. Mwah.Copy !req
721. Look. Everything going good
for-a Pi Pi water park.Copy !req
722. Everyone having fun.Copy !req
723. Yes, that's what I came
to talk to you about.Copy !req
724. Pi Pi, I'm sorry, but...Copy !req
725. I'm going to have to cancel
my streaming service.Copy !req
726. What? Cancel-a Pi Pi?Copy !req
727. The drought is worse
than everyone thought.Copy !req
728. ManBearPig did a lot
of damage this year and...Copy !req
729. I don't have enough water
for my crops.Copy !req
730. Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
731. It's too bad 'cause
now you fucked, a-huh?Copy !req
732. I need my water rights back,Copy !req
733. or else my farm won't survive.Copy !req
734. Oh, you make-a Pi Pi cry.Copy !req
735. What-a you expect-a, huh?Copy !req
736. It's a drought everywhere.Copy !req
737. Why you think I buy your water?Copy !req
738. You can-a suck Pi Pi dick, huh?Copy !req
739. Hey, you son of a bitch.Copy !req
740. You knew what you were doing
the whole time.Copy !req
741. You think I'm just gonna
sit here and take it?Copy !req
742. I'll call
the water commissioner.Copy !req
743. Oh, no. No, you-you don't
have to call him.Copy !req
744. He's right here.Copy !req
745. Afternoon, pal.Copy !req
746. How's the drought treating you?Copy !req
747. So, the water commissioner
was workingCopy !req
748. for you the whole time.Copy !req
749. Well, I don't have a problem
kicking both of your asses.Copy !req
750. Oh, I'd be a little more worried
about the other guy.Copy !req
751. ManBearPig.
He's working for you, too?Copy !req
752. Everybody wants to get
in the streaming business.Copy !req
753. You're the one who bought
all the propertiesCopy !req
754. on the mountaintop.Copy !req
755. You just have it all
figured out, don't you?Copy !req
756. Yeah, looks like-a Pi Pi
has it all pretty figured out.Copy !req
757. Goddamn it, I'm not gonna
let you...Copy !req
758. I'm sorry, Pi Pi can't hear you.Copy !req
759. How is he?Copy !req
760. I believe he's
coming to, Doctor.Copy !req
761. Hello, Eric. Just want to let
you know everything went fine.Copy !req
762. We're gonna let
the anesthesia wear offCopy !req
763. a little more, and then
we can let you go home.Copy !req
764. Okay. Um, cool.Copy !req
765. Well, you did it, Eric.Copy !req
766. I hope you're happier now.Copy !req
767. They all said
you were very insistent.Copy !req
768. That you said you'd
cancel them if they didn'tCopy !req
769. put breast implants
in one of us.Copy !req
770. I-I...Copy !req
771. I-I have fake tits?Copy !req
772. They said that tubeCopy !req
773. is for draining blood
while the swelling goes down.Copy !req
774. Your breasts are swollen now
as a reaction to the implants.Copy !req
775. Okay, well, now that you see
how serious I was,Copy !req
776. what're you gonna do now?Copy !req
777. I'm gonna go down and
get some grocery shopping done.Copy !req
778. Mom?Copy !req
779. I will go to school like this.Copy !req
780. You're gonna have to give in
at some point.Copy !req
781. Mom?Copy !req
782. Well, have you guys seen
Butters or Cartman?Copy !req
783. - What the hell is going on?
- I don't know, but we haveCopy !req
784. a lot of boats to make,
and recess is almost over.Copy !req
785. You guys. You guys.Copy !req
786. There you are.
What's wrong dude?Copy !req
787. Um, we need to stop making stuff
for streaming services.Copy !req
788. What're you talking about?Copy !req
789. It's all getting really weird.Copy !req
790. The guy we made the deal with?
He was killed.Copy !req
791. He was killed?Copy !req
792. I think we got greedy.
I got greedy.Copy !req
793. We should've never gotten
involved in the streaming wars.Copy !req
794. They've upset
the balance of nature.Copy !req
795. Hey, whoa, whoa, Stan.Copy !req
796. We weren't greedy, okay?Copy !req
797. We made the money
for a good reason.Copy !req
798. Yeah, dude. Don't forget,Copy !req
799. everything we did
was for a good cause.Copy !req
800. You guys.Copy !req
801. You guys, somethingCopy !req
802. is seriously wrong with my mom.Copy !req
803. She's acting crazy.Copy !req
804. Are any of your parents
acting weird at all?Copy !req
805. Hey, fellas, are we making more
boats for the— Whoa, hello!Copy !req
806. Jesus, what happened
to you, Eric?Copy !req
807. Okay, okay, fine. I was hopingCopy !req
808. everyone would just be cool,Copy !req
809. but I guess we need to talk
about the elephants in the room.Copy !req
810. This was not a choice.Copy !req
811. You guys, I...Copy !req
812. I live in a hot dog, okay?Copy !req
813. And all I want
is to have a real home,Copy !req
814. and a room that is mine
to sleep in at night.Copy !req
815. To— Is something funny, Clyde?Copy !req
816. Yeah, it's real funny.Copy !req
817. If I were you guys,
I'd be super pissedCopy !req
818. at my mom because you
worked hard for this money.Copy !req
819. All right, Cartman,
stop fucking around.Copy !req
820. Obviously, those aren't real.Copy !req
821. I didn't say they're real.
They're not real.Copy !req
822. They're silicone implants
surgically insertedCopy !req
823. under the chest muscle.Copy !req
824. Nobody believes
you actually got fake tits.Copy !req
825. These are real fake tits.Copy !req
826. Kenny, feel them.
Go on. Feel them.Copy !req
827. Those are fucking real, dude.Copy !req
828. - What?
- Thank you, Kenny.Copy !req
829. Now, if we can all get our minds
off fucking boobsCopy !req
830. for a second,
something's happened to my mom.Copy !req
831. Mom? Mom, what's wrong?Copy !req
832. Mom, slow down,
I can't understand you.Copy !req
833. What do you mean Dad is missing?Copy !req
834. See?Copy !req
835. I want to congratulate you,
Pi Pi.Copy !req
836. It appears you've won
the streaming wars.Copy !req
837. And I want to thank-a you
for your service.Copy !req
838. It's been-a nice
working with you.Copy !req
839. You think it's over?Copy !req
840. You're gonna need me
more than ever.Copy !req
841. Oh, but, uh, but I have-a
everything I need now.Copy !req
842. Water?Copy !req
843. You silly little guy.Copy !req
844. You really think you own
all the water now?Copy !req
845. You know who actually
owns the water?Copy !req
846. The State of Colorado.Copy !req
847. Every drop that rains
from the sky.Copy !req
848. Your little water rights
won't mean anything when ArizonaCopy !req
849. comes knocking, when Kansas
wants all their water.Copy !req
850. Oh, no. You make-a Pi Pi worry.Copy !req
851. You're gonna need me
for a long time, buddy.Copy !req
852. You know who
really own the water?Copy !req
853. Nobody.Copy !req
854. Now, the people a Denver,Copy !req
855. they think they have-a
plenty of water,Copy !req
856. so they gonna go and use it all.Copy !req
857. And when all
the water is-a gone,Copy !req
858. there's only one thing left
for people to use.Copy !req
859. The one thing that-a Pi Pi have
more than everybody, huh?Copy !req
860. No, no, no. It's good.
It's completely safe.Copy !req
861. Just a little salty, eh?Copy !req
862. You're planning on selling piss?Copy !req
863. It's-a, it's-a destiny.Copy !req
864. All the fresh water go bye-bye.Copy !req
865. Everybody gonna have to wash
their clothes in pee.Copy !req
866. Brush their teeth in pee, no?Copy !req
867. And who has the most peeCopy !req
868. in all the land-a?Copy !req
869. Only a psychopath
would speed up climate changeCopy !req
870. for his own profit.Copy !req
871. Yeah, well, you see, ManBearPig,Copy !req
872. eventually,
he gonna kill everybody.Copy !req
873. He just gonna kill you first.Copy !req