1. And now, a
Paramount Plus made-for-TV movie.Copy !req
2. "It's not a movie...
it's a made-for-TV movie."Copy !req
3. From the green hills of VermontCopy !req
4. to the verdant canyons
of Arizona,Copy !req
5. people all over the country
are beginning to realizeCopy !req
6. it's nearly over!Copy !req
7. We have almost beaten COVID
and the best news of all:Copy !req
8. Infections are
at an all-time low.Copy !req
9. New, stronger vaccinations
have ebbed the tide.Copy !req
10. And we humans
are cleaning up the messCopy !req
11. and finally
getting on with our lives.Copy !req
12. But as we start to get back
to our jobs and schools,Copy !req
13. one question remains:Copy !req
14. What lingering effects will
the pandemic have on children?Copy !req
15. Some say no effect at all.
The children are just fine.Copy !req
16. We came togetherCopy !req
17. and finally we can say,
we are starting toCopy !req
18. - win the war against COVID.
- Stan?Copy !req
19. Stan, the phone's for you!Copy !req
20. Stan!Copy !req
21. What?Copy !req
22. Could you not hear me?Copy !req
23. Yeah, dude,
but I'm busy working.Copy !req
24. Working on getting drunk again.Copy !req
25. I'm not "getting drunk,"Copy !req
26. I'm an online
whiskey consultant.Copy !req
27. I'm doing research.Copy !req
28. Everyone needs
to leave me alone.Copy !req
29. The guy on the phone
said it's important.Copy !req
30. He said his name
is Kyle Broflovski.Copy !req
31. Kyle?Copy !req
32. - Hello?
- Oh, hi.Copy !req
33. Is this Stan Marsh,
from South Park?Copy !req
34. - Kyle?
- Oh, dude, it is you!Copy !req
35. How have you...
How have you been?Copy !req
36. I'm... fine. How are you?Copy !req
37. I'm good, I'm...Copy !req
38. I know this is weird.
We haven't talked since...Copy !req
39. well, you know,
since it all happened.Copy !req
40. Yeah, well, the pandemic
is about over now.Copy !req
41. I'm moving on with my life.Copy !req
42. Stan...
you should come back here.Copy !req
43. There's a lot going on.Copy !req
44. There's nothing in
South Park for me, Kyle!Copy !req
45. I'm not going back there, ever.Copy !req
46. Look, dude, you remember
when we were little?Copy !req
47. When the pandemic...
first started.Copy !req
48. Us friends said
we'd always be thereCopy !req
49. for each other
when things got bad.Copy !req
50. What do you mean?
What's happened?Copy !req
51. Stan...Copy !req
52. It's Kenny. He's dead.Copy !req
53. Live from the Moderna CenterCopy !req
54. in downtown New York,Copy !req
55. it's Late Night With Jimmy!Copy !req
56. Tonight's guest,
First Lady Tom Kardashian!Copy !req
57. And now here he is,
the king of woke comedy, Jimmy!Copy !req
58. Wow.Copy !req
59. Wow, what a terrific audience.Copy !req
60. What a fantastic audience, wow.Copy !req
61. Geez, what's the deal
with these Mexicans, huh?Copy !req
62. I mean, they have fabulous food,Copy !req
63. their country
has amazing beaches,Copy !req
64. and they're
really fantastic people.Copy !req
65. Wow, what a great audience.Copy !req
66. You know,
today I was on the subwayCopy !req
67. and I saw an ad
for the Center for PeopleCopy !req
68. Who Identify as Homosexual
But Were Born Bi.Copy !req
69. Have you seen this?Copy !req
70. Have you heard about this?Copy !req
71. I'll tell you one thing...Copy !req
72. those people are brave
and deserveCopy !req
73. every ounce of our respect.Copy !req
74. S-Stick around.Copy !req
75. First Lady Tom Kardashian
is here.Copy !req
76. We'll be right back!Copy !req
77. Jimmy, we got
a call from corporate.Copy !req
78. They want you to cut
the hummus joke.Copy !req
79. What?Copy !req
80. It's hard enough
doing comedy these days.Copy !req
81. Now I'm getting notes
during commercial breaks?Copy !req
82. You're just gonna have to joke
about something else.Copy !req
83. All right, fine, what else
is going on in the news? Quick!Copy !req
84. Uh, Amazon thinks they might
have discovered gold on Mars.Copy !req
85. Ah, Jesus. Anything else?Copy !req
86. Uh, that famous
eccentric scientist died.Copy !req
87. The millionaire philanthropist?
Dr. McCormick?Copy !req
88. Kenny? Kenny's dead?Copy !req
89. Oh, I'm sorry, did you know him?Copy !req
90. We were friends when we
were kids. Let me see that!Copy !req
91. "Very
mysterious circumstances."Copy !req
92. That's what doctors
are saying aboutCopy !req
93. the death of beloved scientistCopy !req
94. and humanitarian,
Dr. Kenny McCormick.Copy !req
95. McCormick was a pioneer of
science and technologyCopy !req
96. who was always trying to unlock
the key to a better future.Copy !req
97. He worked tirelessly...
some say balls-out crazily...Copy !req
98. on new inventions and theoriesCopy !req
99. but somehow his biggest
questions seemed to elude him.Copy !req
100. The head of NASA said,
"We have lostCopy !req
101. an innovator and a visionary.Copy !req
102. Kenny was so brilliant
that most of the time,Copy !req
103. we couldn't even understand
what he was saying."Copy !req
104. Get me a first-class ticket
to South Park!Copy !req
105. What? You can't leave!
You have to get back onstage!Copy !req
106. The first lady is here!Copy !req
107. Tell Tom Kardashian to suck myCopy !req
108. P-P-Popsicles
that are in the green room,Copy !req
109. and that I am very sorry,Copy !req
110. and that he is
a fantastic person.Copy !req
111. Stan?Copy !req
112. Stan, wake up,
I think we're here.Copy !req
113. So that's it, huh?Copy !req
114. - That's the town you grew up in?
- Yeah.Copy !req
115. Well, how does it feel to
be back after all these years?Copy !req
116. It feels shitty, okay?
Can you please shut the fuck up?Copy !req
117. Why did you even bring me
along if you're not goingCopy !req
118. to let me help you
through this?Copy !req
119. Alexa, stop!Copy !req
120. Come on in
and let your taste buds soar!Copy !req
121. Denny's is now
Denny's Applebee's Max.Copy !req
122. Come taste the difference.Copy !req
123. - Hey, dude.
- Hey, dude.Copy !req
124. Wow. This is crazy, huh?Copy !req
125. I mean, how long has it been?Copy !req
126. I guess...
since we were nine.Copy !req
127. Well, have a seat.Copy !req
128. What have you been up to?Copy !req
129. Oh, dude,
just all kinds of stuff.Copy !req
130. You know, getting stuff going.Copy !req
131. Got my own online
whiskey consultant gig.Copy !req
132. I'm totally happy.
What about you?Copy !req
133. Oh, I'm getting things
going, too.Copy !req
134. I'm doing a sort of counseling
online start-up thing.Copy !req
135. Really doing great, too.Copy !req
136. - Sweet.
- Listen, Stan...Copy !req
137. I know that we disagreed
a lot during the pandemic,Copy !req
138. but I hope we can
put that aside...Copy !req
139. Dude, Kyle,
I'm just here for Kenny.Copy !req
140. All right, well,Copy !req
141. there's something you should
know about the way Kenny died.Copy !req
142. Hi, guys, welcome to
Denny's Applebee's Max.Copy !req
143. I see you
got your menus already.Copy !req
144. As you're deciding
what to order,Copy !req
145. I just want to go over
a couple things.Copy !req
146. Now, of course, it is the futureCopy !req
147. so we don't have any meat
on the menu.Copy !req
148. 'Cause you know,
here in the future,Copy !req
149. we've all decided meat is wrong.Copy !req
150. Yeah, we know.Copy !req
151. Okay, and, uh,
you'll see there'sCopy !req
152. some dishes made
from insect protein on the menu.Copy !req
153. That, of course, is because
here in the future,Copy !req
154. we've all learned that insects
are a valuable and sustainableCopy !req
155. food and we no longer
fear it as a food. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
156. We know, dude.Copy !req
157. Okay, well, if you have any
questions, please don't hesitateCopy !req
158. to say anything, because,
you know, it's the future.Copy !req
159. We've learned to all just
get along and love each other.Copy !req
160. Look, Stan,
Kenny was trying to findCopy !req
161. the answers
to some pretty heavy stuff.Copy !req
162. He felt like there
were people responsibleCopy !req
163. for everything that's happened.Copy !req
164. Like who?Copy !req
165. That's just it. Nobody knows.
But whoever these people are,Copy !req
166. they didn't want
Kenny McCormick exposing them.Copy !req
167. Wait a minute. Tolkien?Copy !req
168. Yeah, it's me.Copy !req
169. Just before he died,
Kenny was texting meCopy !req
170. that he was on
to something huge.Copy !req
171. And he was texting me, too.Copy !req
172. Saying he'd discovered
something thatCopy !req
173. could change the world.Copy !req
174. And then he died,Copy !req
175. and the hospital won't say how.Copy !req
176. And that got us thinking...Copy !req
177. Oh, my God.
They killed Kenny.Copy !req
178. I'm just here for the funeral.Copy !req
179. I don't want to be a part
of anything else.Copy !req
180. Dude, there might be
people to blameCopy !req
181. for ruining our childhoods.Copy !req
182. So what do you wanna do, Kyle?Copy !req
183. Go on some bullshit adventure
like when we were kids?Copy !req
184. Maybe, maybe we can call
Jesus and SantaCopy !req
185. and ask them for help.
Is that what you want?Copy !req
186. It's the fucking future,
you guys. Grow up.Copy !req
187. Hello, welcome to
the Super 12 Motel Plus.Copy !req
188. - Can I help you?
- Yeah, Stan Marsh.Copy !req
189. I have a room for one night.Copy !req
190. Okay, I see you're in one of
our Mach Ten Super Plus rooms.Copy !req
191. Now, of course,
we only take BitcoinCopy !req
192. and other cryptocurrency 'cause,Copy !req
193. you know, it's the future.Copy !req
194. We've all decided
centralized banking is rigged,Copy !req
195. so we trust more in
fly-by-night Ponzi schemes.Copy !req
196. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
197. So you walked out on
all your friends and thenCopy !req
198. just hung out at a bar all day?Copy !req
199. Alexa, fucking just go
throw yourself out a window.Copy !req
200. I'm sorry.
I didn't quite get that.Copy !req
201. Nothing.
Alexa, turn on the TV.Copy !req
202. Oh, God, you are
such a piece of shit.Copy !req
203. You know,Copy !req
204. if you had
Remote Prime membership,Copy !req
205. you could watch Amazon movies
wherever you go.Copy !req
206. Would you like to get started?Copy !req
207. - No.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
208. I'm trying
to be fucking helpful.Copy !req
209. Why don't you grow up
and start acting like an adultCopy !req
210. for once in your life...Copy !req
211. Alexa, stop!Copy !req
212. Fuck you!Copy !req
213. Jon, I'm standing outside
the South Park Flash Rail Max,Copy !req
214. where hundreds of people
are coming toCopy !req
215. pay their respects
to Dr. Kenny McCormick.Copy !req
216. There's still no word
from the hospitalCopy !req
217. on what exactly
killed Kenny McCormick,Copy !req
218. but letters sent to multiple
news outlets revealCopy !req
219. that he might have
known his life was in danger.Copy !req
220. Dr. McCormick said,
"I am about to expose the truth.Copy !req
221. "In the event of my death
I have hidden awayCopy !req
222. "all relevant information.Copy !req
223. My closest friends
will know where to find it."Copy !req
224. Dr. Kenneth McCormick.Copy !req
225. He wanted to make the future
a better place.Copy !req
226. Too bad he died, 'cause
the future certainly sucks.Copy !req
227. Someone's at the door.Copy !req
228. This is the doorbell.Copy !req
229. It's the future
so doorbells sing.Copy !req
230. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
231. Okay, so you were right.Copy !req
232. Kenny was on to some bad peopleCopy !req
233. and he hid something
for us to find.Copy !req
234. Yeah, I saw.
Only problem isCopy !req
235. I don't know
what he's talking about.Copy !req
236. But thank you
for saying I was right.Copy !req
237. You're welcome. It doesn't mean
that you were rightCopy !req
238. about everything
during the pandemic.Copy !req
239. Because you weren't.Copy !req
240. Okay, well, obviouslyCopy !req
241. we're never going to agree
on certain things,Copy !req
242. so we shouldn't talk about them.Copy !req
243. Sounds good.
So let's go to Kenny's wakeCopy !req
244. and see if anyone else shows upCopy !req
245. who might know what
Kenny's talking about.Copy !req
246. Let's do that.Copy !req
247. Hello. Testing.
Hey, everybody.Copy !req
248. It's amazing to see you all
here for Kenny's wake.Copy !req
249. Wow, what a great audience.Copy !req
250. Uh, for those of you
who don't know,Copy !req
251. my name is Jimmy Valmer and, uh,Copy !req
252. I had to take an Asian airline
to get here today.Copy !req
253. You know what they say
about Asian airlines...Copy !req
254. they're dependable
and just as efficientCopy !req
255. as any other competent airline.Copy !req
256. What a terrific audience.Copy !req
257. So many people
have come for Kenny today...Copy !req
258. so many amazing friends
I haven't seen in ages.Copy !req
259. You know, I had a friend once
who was a Polish hair stylist.Copy !req
260. Talk about an amazing haircut
at an affordable price.Copy !req
261. Well, I know that
we're all readyCopy !req
262. to talk to each other
and share our memories of Kenny.Copy !req
263. So please just have fun
and we'll see youCopy !req
264. at the funeral tomorrow.Copy !req
265. We are all, you and me.Copy !req
266. We are all living in the future.Copy !req
267. We are all in the future...Copy !req
268. Stan?Copy !req
269. - Stan Marsh?
- Yeah?Copy !req
270. Hi. It's Wendy.Copy !req
271. Wendy Testaburger, wow.Copy !req
272. Yeah. My husband, Darwin.Copy !req
273. Hey, pal, how are ya?Copy !req
274. Hey, guys.
It's Tweek and Craig.Copy !req
275. Oh, hey.
How are you guys?Copy !req
276. We're good.Copy !req
277. I have a lot of anxietyCopy !req
278. being back
with all these people!Copy !req
279. Wendy's told me a lot
about you, Stan.Copy !req
280. How's everything
with the family?Copy !req
281. Excuse me, I'm gonna go
get, uh, drunk.Copy !req
282. - What's wrong with Stan?
- We're just...Copy !req
283. trying to find out
what happened to Kenny.Copy !req
284. I think this goes deeper
than you guys realize.Copy !req
285. Hey, Stan Marsh!
Good to see you.Copy !req
286. It's me, Clyde Donovan.Copy !req
287. Oh, hey, Clyde.Copy !req
288. What have you been doing
during the pandemic?Copy !req
289. Oh, you know, lots of stuff.Copy !req
290. Yeah, me, too.
Sucks about Kenny, huh?Copy !req
291. Hope they find
all the informationCopy !req
292. - on that thing he hid.
- You knowCopy !req
293. where he might have hid it?Copy !req
294. No, I don't.
But I bet someone here does.Copy !req
295. It's really great
to see you guys again.Copy !req
296. These past few decades
have been really tough.Copy !req
297. Yeah, sometimes I think
the pandemic really aged me.Copy !req
298. Kyle, can I talk to you
for a second?Copy !req
299. - Dude, he's here.
- Who's here?Copy !req
300. - Cartman?
- Yeah, but he's changed.Copy !req
301. Changed how?Copy !req
302. Yes, I know,
it's been a long timeCopy !req
303. since we've seen each other.Copy !req
304. I'm doing really well.Copy !req
305. I'm actually the head
of Gespetzah SynagogueCopy !req
306. down in Colorado Springs.Copy !req
307. Can you believe it?
I'm a rabbi.Copy !req
308. Yeah, you know, when
the whole pandemic happened,Copy !req
309. I think it changed me.Copy !req
310. It really changed me
for the better.Copy !req
311. - It did?
- No.Copy !req
312. - He's fucking with me.
- What? Oh, yeah.Copy !req
313. Yeah, I get it,
the Eric Cartman you guys knewCopy !req
314. didn't seem like
he'd become a rabbi.Copy !req
315. But I found real meaning
in the TorahCopy !req
316. and then I found a great
Jewish woman and...Copy !req
317. let the spirit of the Talmud
guide our lives.Copy !req
318. Okay, jut knock it off, fat-ass.Copy !req
319. Dude.Copy !req
320. Wow, that's very big
of you, Kyle.Copy !req
321. Still living in South Park
and calling people fat-ass, huh?Copy !req
322. Wait, I'm sorry,
that was uncalled for.Copy !req
323. It's not fucking funny, Cartman!Copy !req
324. Stop pretending you
have a happy Jewish life!Copy !req
325. Hey, shoogina!
I'm sorry, I couldn'tCopy !req
326. wait in the car anymore;
I had to meet your friends.Copy !req
327. Oh, that's okay.
Guys, this is my wife, Yentl.Copy !req
328. I've heard so many stories
about you all.Copy !req
329. It must have been amazing
to grow upCopy !req
330. in these beautiful mountains!Copy !req
331. Yentl? Her name is Yentl?Copy !req
332. Can we fucking stop this
and talk about Kenny, please?Copy !req
333. - Oh, is that, uh...?
- Yeah, that's-that's Kyle, yeah.Copy !req
334. I'm sorry, honey, can you
just give me a couple minutes?Copy !req
335. I just need a few more
seconds with themCopy !req
336. and I'll be right out
to the car.Copy !req
337. Oh, okay, I get it.Copy !req
338. Nice to meet you guys.Copy !req
339. We'll see you at the funeral,
I guess.Copy !req
340. And I'm very sorry
for your loss.Copy !req
341. Bye, Mrs. Cartman.Copy !req
342. Okay, look, guys, Kenny and I
were still really good friends.Copy !req
343. He used to email me all the time
about stuff he was doing.Copy !req
344. Yeah, me, too!Copy !req
345. Well, so then maybe he alsoCopy !req
346. told you that
he was trying to findCopy !req
347. the origin of the coronavirus.Copy !req
348. What are you talking about?Copy !req
349. Kenny was obsessed with
how corona first got started.Copy !req
350. He was clearly on to something,
and then he died.Copy !req
351. I know we all want
to solve this for him.Copy !req
352. You know, in the Torah,
when AbrahamCopy !req
353. first heard the word of God...Copy !req
354. Just knock it off!
You don't believeCopy !req
355. a word of that shit.
You're just doing all thisCopy !req
356. to get a rise out of me.Copy !req
357. Kyle, you really thinkCopy !req
358. I would spend 40 years
of my lifeCopy !req
359. just to get a rise out of you?Copy !req
360. - Yes, I do!
- Same ol' Kyle.Copy !req
361. Well, I got to go, guys.Copy !req
362. I'll see you at Kenny's funeral
tomorrow.Copy !req
363. Maybe he's really changed.Copy !req
364. No. He is fucking with me.Copy !req
365. Sometimes I feel likeCopy !req
366. things weren't supposed
to be like this.Copy !req
367. Like maybe there are others
in control of the wayCopy !req
368. it all turned out.Copy !req
369. Is that what you're saying,
Dr. McCormick?Copy !req
370. Are you saying that there are
other people responsible?Copy !req
371. I guess what I'm trying to say,
Dr. McCormick, is...Copy !req
372. your theories seem to point to
some kind of people with power.Copy !req
373. Let me put it another way...
we've all seen the picturesCopy !req
374. of you working in Egypt,
lecturing at MIT.Copy !req
375. And you always seem to
come back to this conceptCopy !req
376. of this mysterious
organization who is to blame.Copy !req
377. - Let me put it yet another way, Dr. McCormick.
- Hang on a second.Copy !req
378. What was that?
Alexa, freeze the video.Copy !req
379. - What?
- Freeze videoCopy !req
380. and reverse playback
ten seconds.Copy !req
381. Stop there.Copy !req
382. Enhance image 20%.Copy !req
383. Ugh. Whatever.Copy !req
384. Shift right ten frames.Copy !req
385. Enhance.Copy !req
386. Tegridy Weed?Copy !req
387. Isn't that your dad's
old marijuana company?Copy !req
388. Oh, shit.Copy !req
389. Hi. Welcome.
Welcome, my friends.Copy !req
390. So blessed to have you here.Copy !req
391. Hello, my child,
thank you for coming.Copy !req
392. - Yeah, sure.
- Wait, Stan?Copy !req
393. Stan Marsh?Copy !req
394. Praise be!
I haven't seen you in ages!Copy !req
395. I'm sorry, do I know you?Copy !req
396. Well, sure, it's me!Copy !req
397. Scott Malkinson!
Remember me?Copy !req
398. - Uh, no, sorry.
- I hung out with you guysCopy !req
399. all the time
when we were little.Copy !req
400. I was the kid with the lisp.Copy !req
401. - Who had diabetes?
- Oh, yeah, sure...Copy !req
402. Great to see you again.Copy !req
403. Hey, guys.
Great to see you in church.Copy !req
404. - It's Scott Malkinson.
- Who?Copy !req
405. Scott Malkinson, I went
to school with you guys?Copy !req
406. Oh, okay.Copy !req
407. Hello. Welcome. Hey!
It's me! Scott Malkinson!Copy !req
408. With the diabetes. No?Copy !req
409. Kenny McCormick was
a cherished son, a wise man,Copy !req
410. and a wonderful friend.Copy !req
411. Kenny touched all
of our lives and madeCopy !req
412. each and every one of us
laugh, cry and ponder.Copy !req
413. And in his death,Copy !req
414. now we can reflect on
our own lives.Copy !req
415. Are we happy?Copy !req
416. Are we the person
we hoped to be?Copy !req
417. Have we, like Kenny,
given all that we canCopy !req
418. to forgive those around us?Copy !req
419. For life is short,Copy !req
420. and our family and friends
must be cherished.Copy !req
421. You know, in many ways,
death is like diabetes.Copy !req
422. You spend your whole life
trying to fight it offCopy !req
423. but ultimately it just wins.Copy !req
424. And so let's take the time now
to reach out to our friends.Copy !req
425. To reach out to our family.Copy !req
426. To tell our mothers
and our fathers that we...Copy !req
427. All right! All right! Who
the fuck put you up to this?Copy !req
428. Did you write
this goddamn speech, Kyle?Copy !req
429. Did you tell him
to say all this stuff?Copy !req
430. What the fuck
are you talking about?Copy !req
431. You know that I know something
about KennyCopy !req
432. that I'm not telling you because
it involves my father,Copy !req
433. who I don't want to face!Copy !req
434. That's crazy and you'd be able
to face what happenedCopy !req
435. to your family if you
weren't a fucking asshole!Copy !req
436. Guys, please,
this is a house of God.Copy !req
437. You shut the fuck up!Copy !req
438. You judge me,
you all sit here and judge me.Copy !req
439. Well, fuck all of you!Copy !req
440. This is exactly why I moved out
of this hick-ass town!Copy !req
441. And I am going back home
to the city!Copy !req
442. My child, please,
we are gathered in Christ...Copy !req
443. My child, please,
we are gathered in Christ.Copy !req
444. I'm Scott Malkinson.
I have diabetes.Copy !req
445. He does remember me!Copy !req
446. Alexa, start the car!Copy !req
447. Start the car?
Where are you going?Copy !req
448. I need to stop at a store
and then we're going home.Copy !req
449. What about the connection
you just foundCopy !req
450. between Kenny and your father?Copy !req
451. Alexa, find the nearest
liquor store.Copy !req
452. Oh, you wanna get drunk?Copy !req
453. Let me guess... someone said
something you didn't likeCopy !req
454. and it made you want to
pound beer and wine?Copy !req
455. It's not
"pounding beer and wine."Copy !req
456. I drop wine shots into the beer.Copy !req
457. It's called a "smorgasvein"
and it's very cultural!Copy !req
458. Stop acting like a child and
support your dead friend, Stan!Copy !req
459. - You don't even have any...
- Alexa, stop!Copy !req
460. Thank you.
Thank you, Father.Copy !req
461. Hello, everyone.
My name is Rabbi CartmanCopy !req
462. and I was Kenny McCormick's
very, very best friend.Copy !req
463. Kenny was not a Jew,
but he had so manyCopy !req
464. amazing Jewish qualities.Copy !req
465. Qualities that I see
in my loving wifeCopy !req
466. and my amazing kids,
that are right over there.Copy !req
467. Over there by Kyle.Copy !req
468. And as we all return now
to our homesCopy !req
469. and our lives, I think that...
a lot like Abraham...Copy !req
470. - let's not forget that...
- Excuse me. Everyone?Copy !req
471. Hello?Copy !req
472. Everyone, can I have
your attention, please?Copy !req
473. We got results from the PNR scan
of Dr. McCormick's remainsCopy !req
474. and we now know
the cause of his death.Copy !req
475. Now we all need to stay calm.Copy !req
476. There is no reason
to panic, but...Copy !req
477. Kenny died of COVID.Copy !req
478. It's a new variant.Copy !req
479. The COVID Delta Plus
Rewards Program variant.Copy !req
480. Everyone, please!Copy !req
481. We cannot panic!Copy !req
482. That's it! We're all out
of chin diapers!Copy !req
483. Oh, God, we're all out
of chin diapers!Copy !req
484. Zoom...Copy !req
485. Come on, come on, come on!
Remote learning!Copy !req
486. Come on, come on, come on!Copy !req
487. Alexa, what's going on?Copy !req
488. There's some kind
of road closure ahead.Copy !req
489. Set up a perimeter!
I want all exit points sealed.Copy !req
490. People of South Park,Copy !req
491. there is an outbreak of COVID
in your community.Copy !req
492. You are being quarantined.Copy !req
493. Hey, dude! I don't live here.
I need to get home!Copy !req
494. Nobody is going in or out.Copy !req
495. We have confirmation that
one person in this communityCopy !req
496. has never been vaccinated
against COVID,Copy !req
497. so we must quarantine everyone.Copy !req
498. One person?
Well, who is it?Copy !req
499. We are not allowed to say.Copy !req
500. But if you tell us who
the unvaccinated person is,Copy !req
501. we can have them vaccinated
and then this will all be over!Copy !req
502. We can't tell you who it is
because, in case you forgot,Copy !req
503. it's the future, and we don't
single out or ridicule anyoneCopy !req
504. for their personal beliefs.Copy !req
505. Gah! I hate the future!Copy !req
506. What does this mean?Copy !req
507. Yeah, what's it mean, Daddy?Copy !req
508. I think it means...Copy !req
509. we're all stuck in South Park.Copy !req
510. Okay, there we go.Copy !req
511. We'll get back with the results.Copy !req
512. Maintain six feet
social distanceCopy !req
513. and stay indoors.
Thank you.Copy !req
514. Next, please!Copy !req
515. Yeah, listen, I have to
get out of here.Copy !req
516. Yes, don't we all.Copy !req
517. No, no, no, I don't belong hereCopy !req
518. and I don't have
anywhere to stay.Copy !req
519. They've shut down
all the motels.Copy !req
520. Do you have any friends or
family that you can stay with?Copy !req
521. No, these people
are not my friendsCopy !req
522. and I have no family here.Copy !req
523. - Oka...
- It's okay.Copy !req
524. They've set up
an emergency shelterCopy !req
525. for all the people who were here
from out of town.Copy !req
526. Where?Copy !req
527. All right, everyone, listen up.Copy !req
528. No way.Copy !req
529. Welcome to
South Park Elementary.Copy !req
530. We want to help you all
be as comfortable as possible.Copy !req
531. So we will have quiet time
from 9:00 p.m.Copy !req
532. to 6:00 a.m. Every day.
I don't want to hearCopy !req
533. any fucking gender-specific
language in here.Copy !req
534. And if anybody here
casts a movie with someoneCopy !req
535. other than the culture
that that movie is about,Copy !req
536. you are fucking out of here!Copy !req
537. All right, thank you.
It is now 9:01. Lights out.Copy !req
538. It's been a long time
since I've prayed.Copy !req
539. I don't know
if anyone can hear me...Copy !req
540. but we all really
need help right now.Copy !req
541. I know in my heart
that Kenny didn't just dieCopy !req
542. of some new COVID variant.Copy !req
543. I know there's something
way bigger going on.Copy !req
544. But it all seems like
so much to take on.Copy !req
545. Please, if there's
anyone who couldCopy !req
546. help see me through this,
it would be a miracle.Copy !req
547. Someone's at the door.Copy !req
548. This is the doorbell.Copy !req
549. Apparently in the future.Copy !req
550. All doorbells sing, sing, sing.Copy !req
551. Yeah, I fucking know,
goddamn it!Copy !req
552. Hey, Kyle.
Oh, man, this is crazy, huh?Copy !req
553. The school is all filled up
and the motels are shut down.Copy !req
554. I was, I was just hoping
maybe we could crash here.Copy !req
555. Look, I, uh,
I don't think that's gonna work.Copy !req
556. I figured Stan is probably
staying with you, too?Copy !req
557. No. No, he's not.Copy !req
558. Oh, great!
Then you have some extra rooms.Copy !req
559. - We're gonna be okay, kids!
- Yay!Copy !req
560. No, no, Cartman,
I'm sure there areCopy !req
561. some other places you can stay.Copy !req
562. My family would be
really comfortableCopy !req
563. in a nice Jewish home.
Please, Kyle, for my kids.Copy !req
564. We promise we'll be good,
Uncle Kyle.Copy !req
565. Please, Uncle Kyle?Copy !req
566. Please, Uncle Kyle?Copy !req
567. I can't believe this.Copy !req
568. Come on, kids!
Oh, bless you, Kyle.Copy !req
569. Don't worry,
I'll put them right to bed.Copy !req
570. You won't even know we're here.Copy !req
571. Toda raba, Uncle Kyle.Copy !req
572. That's Hebrew for "thank you."Copy !req
573. Guys, doesn't this all
seem a little too convenient?Copy !req
574. What do you mean?Copy !req
575. I mean that Kenny's death
is suspicious,Copy !req
576. he talks about people
to blame and thenCopy !req
577. he suddenly dies of
some new COVID variant?Copy !req
578. You think it's a cover, Tolkien?Copy !req
579. I think it's
definitely suspicious.Copy !req
580. Speaking of suspicious,
what do you call a trans womanCopy !req
581. that walks into
an abortion clinic?Copy !req
582. Her name is Rebecca
and she's a fantastic person.Copy !req
583. Just seems all nice
and buttoned up, doesn't it?Copy !req
584. It's a perfect cause of death
and anyone who's tryingCopy !req
585. to sort it out is quarantinedCopy !req
586. because one person
isn't vaccinated?Copy !req
587. It's true... who wouldn't be
vaccinated by now?Copy !req
588. I'm certainly vaccinated.Copy !req
589. - Yeah, I'm vaccinated.
- Me, too.Copy !req
590. We're all vaccinated.Copy !req
591. Yeah, I mean, I-I think
it's a personal choice.Copy !req
592. What does that mean?
Are you vaccinated, Clyde?Copy !req
593. I'm... immunized.Copy !req
594. He's not fucking vaccinated!Copy !req
595. He's the fucking one!Copy !req
596. Hey, I just, I justCopy !req
597. need to see the research
first, you know.Copy !req
598. It's been 40 years, Clyde.
That's enough research!Copy !req
599. Alexa, set an alarm
for 7:00 a.m.Copy !req
600. Alexa,
set an alarm for 7:00 a.m.Copy !req
601. Why don't you go talk
to your father?Copy !req
602. Goddamn it.Copy !req
603. If there's some kind
of connectionCopy !req
604. with your dad's farm that can
help everyone figure outCopy !req
605. what's going on,
then you need to talk to him.Copy !req
606. Can I just go to sleep, please?Copy !req
607. Oh, poor you!
Poor you!Copy !req
608. Stop being a fucking victim.
At least you get to go outCopy !req
609. and do stuff.
What do I get to do?Copy !req
610. - Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
- Oh, okay, great.Copy !req
611. You're sorry, again.Copy !req
612. By the way, I can tell youCopy !req
613. about some great deals
on headphones at Best Buy.Copy !req
614. Would you like to know more?Copy !req
615. - Sure, yes, tell me more.
- Okay.Copy !req
616. The Mark VII headphones
have a new edition coming out.Copy !req
617. Should I add that
to your shopping list?Copy !req
618. Yes, sure,
add them to my shopping list.Copy !req
619. Okay.
I'll add Mark VII headphonesCopy !req
620. from Best Buy
to your shopping list.Copy !req
621. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
622. Yeah, you like that?
Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
623. Yeah, you like how Abraham
trusted in the one true God?Copy !req
624. Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
625. Goddamn it!Copy !req
626. Oh. Shh, shh. Hang on, honey.Copy !req
627. Hang on.Copy !req
628. Yeah, yeah, what's up, buddy?Copy !req
629. What's up
is that I am over this!Copy !req
630. What are, what are
you talking about?Copy !req
631. You know what I'm talking about!Copy !req
632. You know I can hear you
through the walls!Copy !req
633. Okay, geez, I'm sorry.Copy !req
634. Sorry I was making love
to my wife.Copy !req
635. No Jewish people have sexCopy !req
636. screaming about
their love of Abraham!Copy !req
637. You are a fucking fraud!Copy !req
638. Is everything all right?Copy !req
639. Do you know that
your husband once snuckCopy !req
640. in my room
and gave me fucking AIDS?Copy !req
641. - I'm sorry?
- Oh, my God, Kyle!Copy !req
642. If we are being too loud, please
don't lash out at my wife!Copy !req
643. Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
I don't know what to say.Copy !req
644. Mom, Dad, is everything okay?Copy !req
645. It's all right, kids.
Go back to bed.Copy !req
646. Kyle, obviously you have
a problem with us being here.Copy !req
647. I promise you that we will be
gone first thing in the morning.Copy !req
648. That's probably best!Copy !req
649. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
650. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, you like how AbrahamCopy !req
651. - almost sacrificed his only son?
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
652. Yeah!Copy !req
653. Sir! Sir,
the townspeople are demandingCopy !req
654. to know when
the quarantine will end.Copy !req
655. It'll end when we get the order
that everything is safe.Copy !req
656. But, sir, the people inside
are running out of supplies.Copy !req
657. They're saying they don't
have nearly enoughCopy !req
658. chin diapers and
people are starting to fight.Copy !req
659. I have strict orders not to let
anything in or out of this town.Copy !req
660. They'll just have to make do
the best they can in there.Copy !req
661. Hopefully they can
maintain some sense of humanity.Copy !req
662. We got a runner!Copy !req
663. Another one trying to get out!Copy !req
664. Please!Copy !req
665. I just need to go to
a sporting event!Copy !req
666. Hey, Clyde. Clyde, can we
talk to you for a second?Copy !req
667. Sure, what's up?Copy !req
668. Look, Clyde,
we all really respectCopy !req
669. your personal p-p-preferences.Copy !req
670. But we have things we
really need to get back to.Copy !req
671. We've got jobs a-and careers,
people who need us.Copy !req
672. B-But we're being forced
to stay here.Copy !req
673. So could you maybe just...
just get vaccinated real quick?Copy !req
674. Oh. Um...Copy !req
675. Nah. I don't wanna.Copy !req
676. Look, I'm sorry, guys.
It's for health reasons.Copy !req
677. I can't get vaccinated 'cause
I'm allergic to shellfish.Copy !req
678. Clyde, there's no shellfish
in the COVID vaccine.Copy !req
679. I know,
but I read that sometimesCopy !req
680. in the lab where the vaccine
is made,Copy !req
681. if somebody ate shellfish,Copy !req
682. then it can
get cross-contaminatedCopy !req
683. and have leftover
residual shellfish-ness.Copy !req
684. So you're saying you
won't take the COVID vaccineCopy !req
685. out of shellfish-ness.Copy !req
686. Yes, that is correct.Copy !req
687. Just a general sense
of shellfish-ness.Copy !req
688. Everyone, you better
come check this out.Copy !req
689. Look at this.Copy !req
690. The McCormick Science WingCopy !req
691. at South Park Elementary.Copy !req
692. Yeah, so? I read about this.Copy !req
693. Kenny donated tons of moneyCopy !req
694. to build a science center
for the students.Copy !req
695. Yeah, for the students.Copy !req
696. So why does it
have a lock on it?Copy !req
697. This must be where Kenny
was doing all his research.Copy !req
698. He didn't want to be found,
so he used the school as cover.Copy !req
699. Uh, guys, why is there
blood everywhere?Copy !req
700. Everybody see what you can find.Copy !req
701. There's got to be a clue here
of who killed Kenny.Copy !req
702. And we are the
fastest growing retirement homeCopy !req
703. in Park County.
With our newest tower,Copy !req
704. we can now house over
600,000 old people.Copy !req
705. 'Cause in the future you're old
for a long, long time.Copy !req
706. Can I help you?Copy !req
707. My name is Stan Marsh.
I came to...Copy !req
708. visit my dad.Copy !req
709. Mr. Marsh.
Mr. Marsh, guess what.Copy !req
710. Your son is here.Copy !req
711. I don't have a son.Copy !req
712. Oh, come on, Mr. Marsh,
don't be a grumpy pants.Copy !req
713. You tell that piece of shit
that if he wants toCopy !req
714. talk to me,
he can write an email.Copy !req
715. Tell that little pussy
if I had any grandkids,Copy !req
716. maybe I wouldn't be so bitterCopy !req
717. at having such a little bitch
for a son!Copy !req
718. - Hi, Dad.
- Oh, hey, Stan.Copy !req
719. I'll leave you two alone.Copy !req
720. So, looks like
the Broncos still suck.Copy !req
721. Yup.Copy !req
722. Well, it was nice seeing ya.Copy !req
723. Thanks for coming to visit.Copy !req
724. I didn't come to visit.Copy !req
725. Trust me,
I don't want to be here.Copy !req
726. Right, like you didn't
want to murder your sister.Copy !req
727. What happened to Shelley
was your fault, not mine!Copy !req
728. Yeah, like it was my fault
your mom shot herself!Copy !req
729. Yes, it actually was!Copy !req
730. Your mom died the day
her daughter burned to death!Copy !req
731. I'm just here because of Kenny.Copy !req
732. Why would he have
Tegridy Weed in his equations?Copy !req
733. Dr. McCormick mentioned Tegridy?Copy !req
734. It seemed to somehow fit
into some grand theory he had.Copy !req
735. He knew. He knew
it was the way to fix it all.Copy !req
736. He knew...
about the Pandemic Special.Copy !req
737. But, Mom,
why do we have to leave?Copy !req
738. It's not safe outside!Copy !req
739. We aren't welcome here,
children.Copy !req
740. We have to find another
place to stay.Copy !req
741. Oh, no, this is just like
when our people wereCopy !req
742. exiled from the Holy Lands.Copy !req
743. Mrs. Cartman,
can I talk to you, please?Copy !req
744. - Uncle Kyle!
- Uncle Kyle,Copy !req
745. why are you making us go? Why?Copy !req
746. Is it 'cause we're Jews?Copy !req
747. Mrs. Cartman,
I'm sorry for last night.Copy !req
748. I was just... tired and it was
extremely inappropriate of me.Copy !req
749. Dad!Copy !req
750. I think Uncle KyleCopy !req
751. is gonna let us stay, Papa!Copy !req
752. Uh, no, kids, I'm sorry, but we
can't stay here with Uncle Kyle.Copy !req
753. Please stay.
I am asking you to stay.Copy !req
754. Can we, Dad?
We'll be good, we promise!Copy !req
755. You little ones are always good.Copy !req
756. Mik-helm, Mik-helm,
mit cloiska pudding.Copy !req
757. Vil plotz vit laughter, tooCopy !req
758. Stop it!Copy !req
759. Someone is at the door!Copy !req
760. Yeah! This is the doorbell!Copy !req
761. It is the future!Copy !req
762. They killed Kenny...Copy !req
763. because he was
trying to stop it.Copy !req
764. Stop what?Copy !req
765. We found Kenny's lab.Copy !req
766. All of his confidential work
and his wild experiments.Copy !req
767. Kenny wasn't just trying to find
the source of the coronavirus.Copy !req
768. He was trying
to go back in time,Copy !req
769. and stop the pandemic
from ever happening.Copy !req
770. Okay, old people.Copy !req
771. It's 4:00.
You know what that means.Copy !req
772. It's share time!Copy !req
773. Who has something that they
want to share?Copy !req
774. Mr. Garrison?Copy !req
775. I'd like to share
my dick in your mouth.Copy !req
776. M'kay.Copy !req
777. Okay, guys, let's settle down.Copy !req
778. Look, I know sharing feelings is
hard during this time of crisis.Copy !req
779. Is anyone feeling nervous
about the new COVID outbreak?Copy !req
780. We don't want you to worry,
because, you know,Copy !req
781. it's the future...
we all do everything we canCopy !req
782. to make sure
old people don't die.Copy !req
783. Okay, if nobody else
wants to go first,Copy !req
784. Randy Marsh had
a little visitor todayCopy !req
785. and he'd like to share that
with all of you.Copy !req
786. Uh, hey, everyone. I had
a special visitor today.Copy !req
787. My "son."Copy !req
788. Who hasn't come to see me
in over 20 years.Copy !req
789. And I have some things
I need to tell himCopy !req
790. but it's hard because...Copy !req
791. he killed his mom
and his sister.Copy !req
792. Okay, okay,
here's what happened.Copy !req
793. Oh, here we go, here we go.Copy !req
794. After the pandemic,
my mom wanted a divorceCopy !req
795. and she owned half of the farm.Copy !req
796. She didn't own half,
she always hated weed,Copy !req
797. and she didn't do shit
for the farm.Copy !req
798. He wouldn't give her half
the farm, so I got sickCopy !req
799. of their fighting
and decided to burnCopy !req
800. the whole stupid farm
to the ground.Copy !req
801. And his sister was in the barn
and she burned to death.Copy !req
802. Because you locked her
in the barn 'cause she wouldn'tCopy !req
803. do her weed chores
'cause she hated weed, too!Copy !req
804. Yes, she had
a marijuana problem.Copy !req
805. And so his mother
couldn't take the lossCopy !req
806. of Shelley
and so she killed herself!Copy !req
807. Which is your fault.Copy !req
808. You were the one whoCopy !req
809. burned the family business
to the ground.Copy !req
810. You guys are hearing this,
right?Copy !req
811. So, Kenny spends years
researching time travel,Copy !req
812. then suddenly Kenny dies,Copy !req
813. and all his fellow
scientists go missing.Copy !req
814. Just leaving behind
a trail of blood.Copy !req
815. Seems like all of
the scientists were murderedCopy !req
816. so that nobody could
complete Kenny's work.Copy !req
817. All of them except one.Copy !req
818. In almost all this research,Copy !req
819. one name keeps popping up:
Victor Chouce.Copy !req
820. It appears that Chouce
was Kenny's right-hand man.Copy !req
821. But he was insane.Copy !req
822. He's been locked up for years
inside a mental institution.Copy !req
823. Oh, come on.
Now we're gonna start talkingCopy !req
824. to certifiably crazy people?Copy !req
825. Crazy or not,
we find this Victor ChouceCopy !req
826. and we find where
Kenny hid the information.Copy !req
827. Yes.Copy !req
828. Yes, that is correct.Copy !req
829. Victor Chouce is
one of our patients here.Copy !req
830. What is the nature
of your inquiry?Copy !req
831. We have reason to believe
that Victor ChouceCopy !req
832. can answer questions
regarding our friend's death.Copy !req
833. Could you put him
on the line please?Copy !req
834. I'm afraid that's impossible.Copy !req
835. Victor is too unstable for
phone calls. They confuse him.Copy !req
836. Well, can we come
talk to him in person then?Copy !req
837. Yes, I believe
that could be arranged.Copy !req
838. As long as
the proper protocols are met.Copy !req
839. Is everyone
in your party vaccinated?Copy !req
840. No.Copy !req
841. Well, then
I'm afraid we can't allow youCopy !req
842. into our facility.Copy !req
843. But-but we have to talk to him!
It's urgent!Copy !req
844. What'd they say?Copy !req
845. They're not
gonna let us see him!Copy !req
846. It's some kind of
goddamn conspiracy!Copy !req
847. Listen to me, it's very simple.Copy !req
848. I need to take my dad
out of here.Copy !req
849. He has to come with me.Copy !req
850. I'm afraid that's impossible.Copy !req
851. Senior citizens are
in here to keep them safe.Copy !req
852. You know, it's the future...
we can't let old people die.Copy !req
853. - I told you, stupid.
- Shut up, Dad.Copy !req
854. Look, there's a chance we
can help fight this new variant.Copy !req
855. I just need him out for
a couple hoursCopy !req
856. so we can
get something important.Copy !req
857. Well, why don't you
just go get it?Copy !req
858. Because he won't tell me
where it is becauseCopy !req
859. - he doesn't trust me.
- Because he killed his mom.Copy !req
860. Look, I'm sorry,
but this is the future.Copy !req
861. Nothing is more important than
keeping old people alive.Copy !req
862. What if you took him out there
and, God forbid,Copy !req
863. he crapped his pants?Copy !req
864. And then slipped on
the old people diarrheaCopy !req
865. and hit his head?Copy !req
866. We'd have to shut down
the entire country,Copy !req
867. for Christ's sake.Copy !req
868. Well, I guess that's it.Copy !req
869. Only one way out now.Copy !req
870. Kick him in the balls, Stan!Copy !req
871. - What?
- Kick him in the balls!Copy !req
872. - Come on, hurry!
- Get your hands off of me!Copy !req
873. - Dad!
- Goddamn it, Stan,Copy !req
874. kick his fucking balls
so we can go!Copy !req
875. Fuck!Copy !req
876. Okay, grab his keys!
Grab his keys, you stupid ass!Copy !req
877. Warning. Warning.
Old person has escaped.Copy !req
878. Old person has escaped.
Warning.Copy !req
879. All of these documents
we found in Kenny's labCopy !req
880. referred to possible origins
of the coronavirus.Copy !req
881. He wanted to go back
and stop it.Copy !req
882. But to stop it, he had to
figure out how to bend time.Copy !req
883. Exactly. There's notes...
years and years of researchCopy !req
884. that Kenny compiled...Copy !req
885. all on the possibilities
of time travel.Copy !req
886. You silly girl.Copy !req
887. You, yes.
Who's a little mister, yes.Copy !req
888. Who's a little hetzpah?Copy !req
889. Who's my little meshugana?Copy !req
890. Excuse me!Copy !req
891. Geez, sorry, Kyle.Copy !req
892. Kenny was researching
the nature of space-timeCopy !req
893. to see if some kind
of bending was possible.Copy !req
894. But then suddenly, all
the research just gets cut off.Copy !req
895. Because whoever
made the pandemic happenCopy !req
896. killed Kenny before
he could go back and stop it.Copy !req
897. Silly girl. Yes.Copy !req
898. Will you please knock it off?Copy !req
899. What's the problem, Kyle?Copy !req
900. You know what you're doing,
fat-ass!Copy !req
901. Goddamn it, why don't you lay
off my fuckin' dad, Uncle Kyle!Copy !req
902. Moisha! He's never
talked like that before.Copy !req
903. I'm sorry, Mom. It's just...Copy !req
904. Uncle Kyle,
he makes me so crazy!Copy !req
905. That is not okay, Moisha.Copy !req
906. But it's true, Dad.
Uncle Kyle makes me crazy, too!Copy !req
907. - Menorah!
- Fuck you, Kyle.Copy !req
908. Hackelm!Copy !req
909. You guys, listen.
In Kenny's workCopy !req
910. he talks about where he would
hide important information.Copy !req
911. He says his friends
will always know where to lookCopy !req
912. if they just
think like kids again.Copy !req
913. Think like kids again...Copy !req
914. I know where Kenny hid
what we're looking for.Copy !req
915. It's up his ass.Copy !req
916. Who's the broad?Copy !req
917. That's just my Alexa.Copy !req
918. That's the best
you could do, huh?Copy !req
919. Is it even the new one?Copy !req
920. - Excuse me?
- Just ignore him.Copy !req
921. Okay, fine, there's a new
upgrade availableCopy !req
922. for your Amazon Prime
membership.Copy !req
923. Would you like to know more?Copy !req
924. Not now, please.Copy !req
925. Okay, so I guess
just fuck me, then?Copy !req
926. Uh-huh.Copy !req
927. This was once
such a magical place.Copy !req
928. Can we just get this over with?Copy !req
929. I don't want to be here.Copy !req
930. You think I want to be here?Copy !req
931. This is where I lost
everything that I cared about!Copy !req
932. And your mom and your sister!Copy !req
933. Dad, there's nothing here.Copy !req
934. Dad?Copy !req
935. I think I can
trust you now, Stan.Copy !req
936. It's time for you to learn what
your friend Kenny was after.Copy !req
937. When the pandemic started,
you were only a kid.Copy !req
938. You don't remember the pain
we all went through.Copy !req
939. Yeah, I do.Copy !req
940. We as Americans
went through so much.Copy !req
941. First, that incompetent
jack-hole was elected president.Copy !req
942. Then the pandemic came,
and then the race wars.Copy !req
943. And then just when it seemed
like we'd turned a corner,Copy !req
944. Space Jam 2 came out,
and we all just kind of gave up.Copy !req
945. What we lost,
Stan, was our Tegridy.Copy !req
946. But it was all by design.Copy !req
947. They needed us to lose it.Copy !req
948. Who did?Copy !req
949. Who would want us
to lose our optimismCopy !req
950. and start fighting
with each other?Copy !req
951. China.Copy !req
952. - China?
- China.Copy !req
953. They're the superpower now.Copy !req
954. The future is totally theirs
and we let it happen.Copy !req
955. A man in China
had sex with a pangolinCopy !req
956. and that started COVID.
That man was me.Copy !req
957. So I knew how to go backCopy !req
958. and stop them
from taking over...Copy !req
959. Wait, whoa, whoa,
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
960. You started COVID?Copy !req
961. Yes, but that's
besides the point.Copy !req
962. China used me
like they used us all.Copy !req
963. So I came up with a way
to help everyone fight back.Copy !req
964. A special Tegridy weed.Copy !req
965. You had sex with a pangolinCopy !req
966. in China and started
the whole pandemic?Copy !req
967. Will you listen
to what I'm saying?Copy !req
968. Gal!
I worked to create more Tegridy,Copy !req
969. but China did everything
they could to stop me.Copy !req
970. They even got to my son.Copy !req
971. Who burned all of
Tegridy Farms to the ground.Copy !req
972. But what you didn't even knowCopy !req
973. was that I had secretly
created a new strain of weed.Copy !req
974. A weed so powerful, I couldn't
even call it a special.Copy !req
975. It was more like an event.Copy !req
976. I hid it away all these years.Copy !req
977. And now it... is the key
to saving us all.Copy !req
978. - Where the fuck is it?
- What?Copy !req
979. The Tegridy Weed Special Event!
Where the fuck is it?Copy !req
980. I don't know, Dad!Copy !req
981. They got it. They took it!Copy !req
982. There's even fresh
footprints on the ground!Copy !req
983. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
984. So maybe it wasn't the Chinese.Copy !req
985. Yeah, no, it was definitely
the Chinese. Oh, God.Copy !req
986. That was it! That was
the very last bit of Tegridy!Copy !req
987. The only other thing I had
were some seeds that I hidCopy !req
988. up my ass, but they took them
from me at the old folks home!Copy !req
989. Wait a minute.
What did you say?Copy !req
990. I said they took them from me
at the old folks home.Copy !req
991. No, before that.Copy !req
992. Oh. I said I hid 'em
up my ass.Copy !req
993. Jesus. It's so simple.
How did we not get it?Copy !req
994. Alexa, start the car!Copy !req
995. There's no point now, son!Copy !req
996. It's all gone.Copy !req
997. It's all lost. All lost.Copy !req
998. Randy.Copy !req
999. Randy.Copy !req
1000. Ah...?Copy !req
1001. Paging Dr. Staimin, Dr. Staimin please.Copy !req
1002. Man
Team to ICU please. Blue Team to ICU.Copy !req
1003. "Un-cle Kyle."Copy !req
1004. "Uncle Kyle."
Say it, Hackelm.Copy !req
1005. - "Uncle Kyle."
- Fuck you, Kyle.Copy !req
1006. No, no, no.
"Uncle Kyle."Copy !req
1007. Fuck you, Kyle.Copy !req
1008. Oh, my gosh, no.Copy !req
1009. We're so sorry about this.Copy !req
1010. Hackelm, say "Uncle."Copy !req
1011. "Uncle. Uncle Kyle."Copy !req
1012. Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!Copy !req
1013. Hey, that was better.Copy !req
1014. It isn't gonna work.
The hospital saysCopy !req
1015. we don't have authorization
to see Kenny's remains.Copy !req
1016. What?Copy !req
1017. Sounds like someone
doesn't want usCopy !req
1018. to see Kenny's remains.
'Cause we might find the truth.Copy !req
1019. There has to be
a way for us to get in there.Copy !req
1020. - Ha ha. Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!
- Hackelm.Copy !req
1021. What the hell
are you guys doing here?Copy !req
1022. - Stan?
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
1023. I've been trying to
find out who killed Kenny.Copy !req
1024. I think I know where he
stored the information.Copy !req
1025. It's in his asshole.Copy !req
1026. - Yes.
- Well, it doesn't matter.Copy !req
1027. They won't let us
into the morgue.Copy !req
1028. Yeah, that's because
you guys don't think.Copy !req
1029. Excuse me?
We need to examineCopy !req
1030. the remains of Dr. McCormick
right away.Copy !req
1031. Like I told the others,Copy !req
1032. only certified medical personnel
are allowed to examine cadavers.Copy !req
1033. Stan Marsh, consultantCopy !req
1034. for Post-Modem Beveragetainment
Online Services.Copy !req
1035. One moment, Doctor.Copy !req
1036. This is highly unorthodox.Copy !req
1037. We don't normally allow
outsiders into the morgue.Copy !req
1038. That's understandable, Doctor,
but luckily I am orthodox.Copy !req
1039. I don't think this
is suitable for children.Copy !req
1040. You guys go.
You were the closest to him.Copy !req
1041. We'll stay back
and watch the kids.Copy !req
1042. I'm sorry we can't
supply any chin diapers.Copy !req
1043. Just maintain social distance.Copy !req
1044. Middle cabinet,
second from the bottom.Copy !req
1045. Hello, old friend.Copy !req
1046. Ah, come on!Copy !req
1047. Well, let's get him...Copy !req
1048. turned over.Copy !req
1049. Somebody's got to look.Copy !req
1050. I'm not reaching up Kenny's ass.Copy !req
1051. Well, somebody has to.Copy !req
1052. - Cartman, go ahead.
- No, I can't do it.Copy !req
1053. If anyone should reach up
Kenny's ass,Copy !req
1054. it should be you, Kyle.Copy !req
1055. I thought you were
his fucking "best friend."Copy !req
1056. I was his best friend,
but I am also married,Copy !req
1057. so I can't be fingering
people's buttholes.Copy !req
1058. God, you guys fucking suck.
I'll just do it.Copy !req
1059. Just like I always had to
fix fucking everything else!Copy !req
1060. You did not
"fucking fix everything,"Copy !req
1061. you just started acting like
everyone else was stupid.Copy !req
1062. Oh, really? Because
they were acting stupid?Copy !req
1063. Yeah, because you got all
self-righteous about everything.Copy !req
1064. - I got self-righteous?
- Yeah, you got self-righteous.Copy !req
1065. Do you know what
fucking sanctimonious means?Copy !req
1066. No, Kyle, why don't you
fucking tell meCopy !req
1067. what fucking
sanctimonious means.Copy !req
1068. See, this is exactly
how you acted whenCopy !req
1069. - the pandemic started to...
- Wait!Copy !req
1070. Hold on.Copy !req
1071. We've got it.Copy !req
1072. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
1073. It's got shit on it.
That's dead people shit.Copy !req
1074. What are you working on, Clyde?Copy !req
1075. I'm going through
Kenny's journals againCopy !req
1076. to try to find some answers.Copy !req
1077. Seems like we just keep hitting
dead ends, you know?Copy !req
1078. I'm just tired
and I want to go home.Copy !req
1079. I know. I'm exhausted, too.Copy !req
1080. You want to maybe
do a little bump?Copy !req
1081. Huh?Copy !req
1082. I was just...Copy !req
1083. I've got some coke
and I thought we could...Copy !req
1084. I don't know,
do you want to party?Copy !req
1085. Fuck yes, I want to party.Copy !req
1086. - Really?
- Fuck yes.Copy !req
1087. Oh, I'm so glad you're down.Copy !req
1088. Nobody else is even cool enough
for me to ask.Copy !req
1089. It's pretty good shit, too.Copy !req
1090. Oh, man. Thank God.Copy !req
1091. Thank God I brought this.
Here ya go.Copy !req
1092. Fuck yes.
Let's fucking party.Copy !req
1093. Wait a minute.Copy !req
1094. - What is this really?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
1095. This isn't cocaine, it's
the COVID vaccine, isn't it?Copy !req
1096. I'm not putting
that shit in my body!Copy !req
1097. Forget it, guys, it didn't work.Copy !req
1098. You guys were gonna trick me
into taking the vaccine?Copy !req
1099. Goddamn it, Clyde,
we want to get out of here!Copy !req
1100. My body is a temple
and I'm not taking that shit!Copy !req
1101. Let's just face it, guys,
it's over.Copy !req
1102. We're never going to find
what Kenny was after.Copy !req
1103. Whoever controls the world
and killed our friendCopy !req
1104. is just gonna get away with it.Copy !req
1105. Not so fast!Copy !req
1106. We did it! We found Kenny's
hidden information!Copy !req
1107. - You did?
- And now we can finallyCopy !req
1108. learn the truth!Copy !req
1109. Whoever Kenny was after,Copy !req
1110. we are gonna
take those fuckers down!Copy !req
1111. The date is November 3rd.
It is 2:07 p.m.Copy !req
1112. Dr. Kenneth McCormick
will now beCopy !req
1113. attempting to travel back
in time.Copy !req
1114. In order to stop the COVID
pandemic from ever happening.Copy !req
1115. He did it?Copy !req
1116. Dr. McCormick believesCopy !req
1117. that going backCopy !req
1118. is the only wayCopy !req
1119. to stop the people
who have ruined the future.Copy !req
1120. In the event of
Dr. McCormick's death,Copy !req
1121. he wants everyone
to know the groupCopy !req
1122. that is responsible
for the way things are.Copy !req
1123. It is,
"My three dickhead friends,Copy !req
1124. Stan, Kyle and Cartman."Copy !req
1125. What?Copy !req
1126. Dr. McCormick saysCopy !req
1127. that these three
completely ruined everythingCopy !req
1128. when they let COVID
break up their friendshipCopy !req
1129. and became argumentative,
combative, pessimistic assholes.Copy !req
1130. He says he hopes
you guys are watching this.Copy !req
1131. He spent his whole life
trying to fix your broshipCopy !req
1132. and then realized
this was the only way,Copy !req
1133. 'cause you guys suck.Copy !req
1134. The sequence is active!Copy !req
1135. The historic moment is here!Copy !req
1136. Godspeed, Dr. McCormick!Copy !req
1137. Wait! Dr. McCormick,
you forgot your chin diaper!Copy !req
1138. Something's wrong!Copy !req
1139. All this time,
the bad guys we were after,Copy !req
1140. who Kenny said ruined
the future, was you guys?Copy !req
1141. Wendy, I've been trying
not to say anything but...Copy !req
1142. your friends are all
kind of douchebags.Copy !req
1143. Kenny was right.Copy !req
1144. All this time,
we've been trying to figure outCopy !req
1145. whose fault this all was.Copy !req
1146. It was our fault.Copy !req
1147. I remember when we were kids.Copy !req
1148. We were so optimistic.Copy !req
1149. We lost that.
We lost our sense of fun.Copy !req
1150. Our sense of humor.Copy !req
1151. Maybe the pandemic
was a big test.Copy !req
1152. And we all failed.Copy !req
1153. Let's face it, guys.Copy !req
1154. We killed Kenny.Copy !req
1155. Yeah. Kenny was right.Copy !req
1156. Back in the old days,
we wouldn't give up like this.Copy !req
1157. We would have just set out
to save our friend,Copy !req
1158. no matter how impossible
it seemed.Copy !req
1159. What we would have done...Copy !req
1160. and what we
should have done then...Copy !req
1161. was double down on our respectCopy !req
1162. and our love for one another
and fight through itCopy !req
1163. instead of
fighting with each other.Copy !req
1164. We can save Kenny.Copy !req
1165. We just have to finish his work.Copy !req
1166. How? We don't know anything
about quantum physicsCopy !req
1167. and time travel.Copy !req
1168. I don't know how.
But we start by believing.Copy !req
1169. In each other
and in what is yet to come.Copy !req
1170. We have to go back to being
those kids we once were.Copy !req
1171. Even if it means
calling Jesus or Santa.Copy !req
1172. Come on, guys,
we've got work to do!Copy !req
1173. Sounds good.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
1174. Moisha, Hackelm, kids,
get your things.Copy !req
1175. We need to go now.Copy !req
1176. What's going on, Dad?Copy !req
1177. Your Uncle Kyle wants to
go back and change things.Copy !req
1178. He's going to try
and change the past.Copy !req
1179. But I like things
the way they are.Copy !req
1180. Me too, Dad. Do you think
he'll be able to do it?Copy !req
1181. No, kids.Copy !req
1182. Fuck Uncle Kyle.Copy !req
1183. Yay!Copy !req
1184. - Yay, Daddy!
- Fuck Uncle Kyle!Copy !req
1185. It wasn't supposed
to be like this.Copy !req
1186. People were supposed to
get kinder in the future.Copy !req
1187. I'm so sorry
what happened to both of you.Copy !req
1188. It wasn't your fault, Randy.Copy !req
1189. It was all Stan's fault.Copy !req
1190. Yes, it was all Stan's fault.Copy !req
1191. Thanks for saying that,
you guys.Copy !req
1192. I'm sorry Stan
sucks so hard sometimes.Copy !req
1193. Don't give up, Randy.Copy !req
1194. Humanity needs you.Copy !req
1195. No!Copy !req
1196. I can't do it alone!Copy !req
1197. How can things possibly go
back to the way they were?Copy !req
1198. It can't be.Copy !req
1199. It's impossible.Copy !req
1200. It's the last little
sprout of Tegridy.Copy !req
1201. I have to get you
somewhere safe.Copy !req
1202. We have a lot of work to do.Copy !req
1203. We just had another call asking
to speak with Victor Chouce.Copy !req
1204. You're quite a popular man,
Victor.Copy !req
1205. I wonder what
all the fuss is about.Copy !req
1206. Don't feel like talking, huh?Copy !req
1207. You will.Copy !req