1. There's a bunch of birds in the sky
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2. And some deers just went running by
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3. Oh, the snow's pure and white
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4. On the earth, rich and brown
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5. Just another Sunday morning
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6. In my quiet mountain town
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7. The sun is shining
and the grass is green
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8. Under the three feet of snow, I mean
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9. This is the day
when it's hard to wear a frown
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10. All the happy people stop to say hello
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11. Get out of my way!
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12. Even though the temperature's low
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13. It's a perfect Sunday morning
in my quiet little mountain town
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14. Well, good morning, Stan.
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15. - Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
- A movie?
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16. Yeah, it's gonna be the best movie ever!
It's a foreign film from Canada!
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17. All right, here you go.
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18. - But be back for supper.
- Thanks, Mom.
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19. Oh, what a picture-perfect child
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20. Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild
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21. He'd wear a smile
while he wore a thorny crown
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22. What an angel
with a heart so sweet and sure
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23. And a mind so open and pure
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24. Thank God we live in this quiet
redneck mountain town
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25. Dude! Dude, wake up!
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26. Kenny, come on!
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27. Kenny, the Terrance and Phillip
movie is out. You wanna come?
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28. Where do you think you're going?
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29. You can't! You have to go to church!
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30. Well, fine,
you go ahead and miss church!
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31. And then when you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!
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32. You can see your breath
hanging in the air
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33. You see homeless people
but you just don't care
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34. It's a sea of smiles
in which we'd be glad to drown
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35. That's right
It's Sunday morning
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36. In our quiet little white-bread
redneck mountain town
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37. - Ready, lke? Kick the baby!
- Don't kick the baby.
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38. Kick the baby.
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39. Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby! Bad baby!
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40. Kyle, we're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie!
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41. Oh, my God, dude!
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42. - Kyle, where are you going?
- We're going ice skating.
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43. Well, take your little brother
out with you.
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44. Oh, Mom. He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted!
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45. Do as I say, Kyle!
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46. Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!
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47. Look at those frail and fragile boys
It really gets me down
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48. The world is such a rotten place
and city life's a complete disgrace
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49. That's why I moved
to this rdneck, meshugana
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50. Quiet mountain town
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51. lke! Bad baby!
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52. This program is brought to you
by Snacky Smores,
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53. the creamy fun of smores
in a delightful cookie crunch.
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54. Mom! Somebody's at the door!
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55. - Coming, hon.
- I can't see the TV!
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56. It's been six weeks since
Saddam Hussein was killed
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57. by a pack of wild boars
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58. and the world is still glad
to be rid of him.
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59. - Look, Eric, it's your little friends.
- Spider-Man!
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60. What are you guys doing here?
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61. Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!
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62. Off to the movies we shall go
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63. Where we learn everything
that we know
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64. 'Cause the movies teach us
what our parents don't have time to say
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65. And this movie's gonna make
our lives complete
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66. 'Cause Terrance and Phillip
are sweet
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67. Super sweet.
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68. Thank God we live in the quiet
little redneck, Podunk, white-trash
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69. U.S.A.
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70. Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?
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71. No.
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72. What do you mean, no?
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73. Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire
has been rated R
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74. by the Motion Picture
Association ofAmerica.
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75. You have to be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.
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76. - But why?
- Because this movie
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77. has naughty language!
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78. Next, please.
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79. - This can't be happening!
- We have to see this movie, dude!
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80. Screw it!
It probably isn't all that good anyway.
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81. Cartman, what are you talking about?
You love Terrance and Phillip!
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82. Yeah, but the animation's all crappy.
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83. Wait, I've got an idea!
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84. Hi, I want six tickets to Asses of Fire.
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85. This movie might not be
appropriate for your little ones.
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86. Hey, he says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.
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87. Look, Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't wanna buy us tickets
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88. and not get your 10 bucks and
not go buy yourself a bottle of vodka,
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89. then be my guest.
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90. Six tickets, please.
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91. - Let me have some candy, Cartman.
- Let's see.
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92. Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
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93. Like you really need all that
chocolate, fat boy!
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94. The movie's starting.
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95. Hooray!
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96. Say, Terrance,
what did the Spanish priest
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97. say to the Iranian gynecologist?
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98. I don't know, Phillip. What?
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99. Where do they come up with this stuff?
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100. You're such a pig fucker, Phillip!
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101. What did he say?
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102. Terrance,
why would you call me a pig fucker?
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103. Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
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104. Oh, yeah!
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105. Yeah. Fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
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106. - You shit-faced cockmaster!
- Wow!
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107. "Shit-faced cockmaster."
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108. Listen, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
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109. "Donkey-raping shit-eater."
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110. - You'd fuck your uncle.
- You'd fuck your uncle!
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111. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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112. You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking
uncle fucka
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113. You're an uncle fucka, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
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114. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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115. You're the one that fucked your uncle
Uncle fucka
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116. You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long
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117. What's going on here?
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118. What garbage.
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119. Well, what do you expect?
They're Canadian.
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120. Uncle fucka! Uncle fucka!
Uncle fucka!
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121. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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122. You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
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123. You're an uncle fucka, I must say
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124. You fucked your uncle yesterday
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125. Uncle fucka
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126. That's U-N-C-L-E
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127. Fuck you, uncle fucka!
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128. Suck my balls.
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129. Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
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130. You bet your fucking ass it was!
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131. Fuck, dude, I wanna be
just like Terrance and Phillip.
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132. Hey, wait a minute!
Where's your guardian?
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133. I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?
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134. - Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
- Yeah!
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135. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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136. You're an ass-licking, ball-sucking
uncle fucka
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137. Hey, where have you guys been all day?
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138. Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
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139. - You saw it?
- How'd you get in?
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140. Hey, stop crowding us,
you shit-faced cockmasters!
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141. Wow.
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142. Yeah. You're all a bunch of
ass-ramming uncle fuckers.
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143. We have got to see this movie, dude.
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144. Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.
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145. There's the girl that I like
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146. Hey, Stan, tell them about
when Terrance called Phillip
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147. a testicle-shitting rectal wart.
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148. Now more than ever
she gives me butterfiies
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149. It makes my stomach queasy
every time she walks by
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150. Asshole, I'm talking to you.
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151. I know I can be cool if I try
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152. Hi, Stan.
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153. Gross!
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154. Come, Wendy.
Let us try to jump the hilly brush.
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155. - Who are you, kid?
- My name is Gregory.
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156. I just transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
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157. Wanna skate with us?
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158. We've been skating all morning
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159. and laughing
and talking of memories past.
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160. We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
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161. Try and catch me, Wendy.
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162. Bye, Stan.
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163. Yes, yes,
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
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164. Who wants to touch me?
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165. I said who wants to fucking touch me?
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166. Come on, gang! We've gotta see
the Terrance and Phillip movie, too!
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167. I hate you, Kenny.
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168. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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169. You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka...
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170. Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.
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171. We sure do, Mr. Hat.
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172. Okay, children. Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.
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173. What is five times two?
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174. Come on, children. Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.
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175. - Yes, Clyde?
- Twelve?
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176. Okay. Now let's try to get an answer
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177. from someone
who's not a complete retard.
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178. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
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179. I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.
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180. - Shut up, fat boy!
- Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
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181. Eric, did you just say the "F" word?
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182. - Jew?
- No. He's talking about "fuck."
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183. You can't say "fuck" in school,
you fucking fat-ass!
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184. - Kyle!
- Why the fuck not?
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185. - Eric!
- Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
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186. Stanley!
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187. - Kenny!
- What's the big deal?
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188. It doesn't hurt anybody.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
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189. How would you like to go
see the school counselor?
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190. How would you like to suck my balls?
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191. What did you say?
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192. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Actually, what I said was...
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193. How would you like to suck my balls,
Mr. Garrison?
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194. Holy shit, dude.
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195. Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed
in you boys, m'kay?
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196. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
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197. And I've already called in
your mothers...
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198. - You called my mom?
- That's right.
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199. - Oh, no, dude!
- Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
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200. M'kay. What?
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201. - What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
- Yeah.
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202. Now I wanna know where you heard
these horrific obscenities, m'kay?
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203. Nowhere.
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204. We heard them from Mr. Garrison
a few times before.
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205. - Yeah.
- Boys, I seriously doubt
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206. that Mr. Garrison ever said,
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207. "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker."
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208. Sweet.
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209. Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.
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210. This just isn't like you, Stanley.
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211. What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?
Did he say the "S" word?
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212. - No, it was worse than that.
- The "F" word?
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213. Well, here's a short list of the things
they've been saying, m'kay?
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214. - Dear God!
- What the heck is a rim job?
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215. Why that's when you put your legs
behind your head
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216. and have someone lick your ass.
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217. Young man, you will tell
Mr. Mackey this instant
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218. where you heard
all these horrible phrases!
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219. I... I...
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220. We can't tell you.
We all took a sacred oath
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221. and swore ourselves to secrecy.
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222. - It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
- Dude!
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223. What? Fuck you guys!
I wanna get out of here!
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224. Terrance and Phillip?
Those Canadians?
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225. Excuse me,
what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?
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226. Terrance and Phillip are two very
untalented actors from Canada.
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227. Nothing but foul language
and toilet humor.
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228. Well, I guess I'll have to send
a warning letter out to parents
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229. before more children
see Terrance and Phillip.
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230. - Everybody's fucking seen it!
- Eric!
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231. I'm sorry, I can't help myself.
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232. That movie has warped
my fragile little mind.
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233. There's the girl that I like
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234. Over there laughing
with that smart new...
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235. You're holding up
the goddamn lunch line!
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236. - Hello there, children.
- Hey, Chef.
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237. - How's it going?
- Bad.
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238. - Why bad?
- We got busted for swearing.
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239. Our moms say we can't ever see
the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
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240. That's too bad.
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241. You should've seen Kyle
when his mom showed up.
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242. He was scared out of his mind.
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243. - Shut up, Cartman!
- No, dude. I'd be scared, too.
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244. Your mom's a fucking bitch.
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245. Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
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246. Don't call me fat,
you butt-fucking son of a bitch!
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247. Whoa, children,
where did you learn to talk like that?
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248. It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
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249. Chef, how do you make a woman
like you more than any other guy?
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250. That's easy.
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251. - You just gotta find the clitoris.
- Huh?
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252. What does that mean,
"Find the clitoris"?
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253. Forget I said anything.
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254. Move along, children,
you're holding up the line.
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255. You guys, do you know
where I can find the clitoris?
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256. The what?
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257. What, is that like finding Jesus
or something?
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258. Attention, students.
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259. We are now enforcing a new dress code
at South Park Elementary.
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260. Terrance and Phillip shirts
are no longer allowed in school.
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261. Anyone wearing
a Terrance and Phillip shirt
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262. is to be sent home immediately.
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263. - Hooray!
- Hooray!
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264. The R-rated Canadian film
Asses of Fire
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265. is number one at the box office.
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266. But is the film
destroying American youth?
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267. Here with a special report
is a midget in a bikini.
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268. Thanks, Tom. It appears that the effects
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269. of the Canadian comedy
are far-reaching indeed.
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270. All overAmerica,
children seem to be influenced,
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271. like at this spelling bee in Washington.
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272. All right. This is for the silver medal.
Spell "forensics."
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273. Fuck that! Why should I fucking
have to spell "forensics"?
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274. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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275. Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.
Forensics.
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276. Tom, the devastating impact
of the Canadian duo
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277. can also be seen with their new hit song
Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka.
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278. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
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279. You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
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280. Thought I told you that
we won't stop
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281. - Back to you, Tom.
- Thanks, midget.
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282. Shocking report.
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283. The controversy began in the small
mountain town of South Park
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284. where the local PTA
is trying to ban the movie.
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285. With us tonight is the head of the PTA,
Sheila Broflovski.
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286. - Hello, Tom.
- And the Canadian Minister of Movies.
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287. Thanks for having me, buddy.
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288. Minister, parents are concerned
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289. about your country's entertainment.
Your thoughts?
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290. Well, the film is R-rated
and is not intended for children.
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291. But of course children are gonna see it!
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292. Can I finish?
The fact is that we Canadians
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293. are quite surprised by your outrage.
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294. - You just don't care!
- Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish?
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295. The United States has graphic violence
on television all the time.
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296. We can't believe that a movie
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297. with some foul language
would piss you off so much.
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298. - Because it's evil!
- Can I finish? Please! Can I finish?
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299. Okay, I'm finished.
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300. But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film
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301. is the first troublesome thing
to come out of Canada.
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302. Let us not forget Bryan Adams.
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303. Now, now. The Canadian government
has apologized
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304. for Bryan Adams on several occasions.
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305. You Canadians are all the same,
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306. with your beady little eyes
and flapping heads!
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307. - You're trash.
- I resent that! I find that racist!
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308. Our children are now addicted
to your filth!
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309. You are a racist, ma'am.
You are a racist.
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310. It is going to take us weeks
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311. to erase the damage
this film has done to our children!
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312. Kids, I wanna welcome you
to rehabilitation, m'kay?
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313. Your mothers insisted that you be taken
from your normal schoolwork
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314. and placed into rehab
to learn not to swear.
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315. I must say, I don't think I belong
with these rogues.
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316. I attended school at Yardale
and had a 4.0 grade point average.
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317. You're a fucking faggot, dude.
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318. M'kay. You see, children?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
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319. We have to get you off of foul language.
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320. - How are we gonna do that?
- Well, listen here.
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321. There are times
when you get suckered in
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322. By drugs and alcohol
and sex with women, m'kay?
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323. But it's when you do these things
too much
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324. That you've become an addict
and must get back in touch
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325. You can do it
It's all up to you, m'kay?
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326. With a little plan
you can change your life today
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327. You don't have to spend your life
addicted to smack
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328. Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for crack
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329. Follow my plan
and very soon you will say
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330. "It's easy, m'kay?"
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331. Step one, instead of "ass" say "buns"
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332. Like "Kiss my buns"
or "You're a buns-hole"
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333. Step two, instead of "shit" say "poo"
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334. As in "bull-poo,"poo-head"
and "This poo is cold"
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335. Step three, with "bitch" drop the "T"
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336. 'Cause "bich' is Latin for "generosity"
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337. Step four, don't say "fuck" anymore
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338. 'Cause "fuck" is the worst word
that you can say
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339. So just use the word "m'kay"
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340. We can do it
It's all up to us, m'kay?
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341. M'kay
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342. With a little plan
we can change our lives today
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343. You can change it today
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344. You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
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345. Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
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346. Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
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347. "It's easy, m'kay?"
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348. - Step one
- Instead of "ass" say "buns"
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349. - Like "Kiss my buns"
- Or "You're a buns-hole"
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350. - Step two
- Instead of "shit" say "poo"
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351. - As in "bull-poo"
- "Poo-head"
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352. And "This poo is cold"
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353. - Step three
- With "bitch" drop the "T"
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354. 'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
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355. - Step four
- Don't say "fuck" anymore
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356. 'Cause "fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
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357. "Fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
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358. we shouldn't say "fuck"
No, we shouldn't say "fuck," fuck, no!
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359. You're cured, you can go
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360. You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
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361. Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
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362. Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
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363. "It's easy, m'kay?"
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364. It's easy, m'kay?
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365. - It's easy, m'kay?
- It's easy, m'kay?
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366. - It's easy, m'kay?
- It's easy
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367. It's easy
It's easy, m'kay?
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368. M'kay. M'kay.
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369. Now you're cured.
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370. You can take the rest of the afternoon
off for personal reflection, m'kay?
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371. Find your own constructive way
to better yourself, m'kay?
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372. Well, Phillip,
I hope you've learned something
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373. through this whole experience.
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374. I did, Terrance. I learned that you are
a boner-biting dick-fart fuck-face.
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375. Want to see the northern lights?
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376. You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart!
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377. I sure did, Phillip.
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378. Uncle fucker! Too tight!
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379. Man, that movie gets better
every time I see it.
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380. - Hey!
- Yeah, but you know what?
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381. That whole part about
lighting farts is bullshit.
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382. You can't do that.
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383. No way!
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384. Okay, Kenny, I'll bet you $100
you can't light a fart on fire!
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385. - Holy shit, dude!
- Oh, my God!
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386. Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
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387. - Somebody do something!
- This stick is on fire!
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388. - Oh, my God, you killed Kenny!
- You bastard!
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389. Well, I guess you can light
a fart on fire, huh?
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390. Load that IV with 70 cc's of
sodium Pentothal!
Copy !req
391. - We just called the parents.
- Oh, shit, dude!
Copy !req
392. Now our moms
are gonna find out we went
Copy !req
393. to the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
Copy !req
394. Vacuum!
Copy !req
395. Try to untangle his trachea
and esophagus.
Copy !req
396. - Dude!
- No, that doesn't go there!
Copy !req
397. - Gross, Stan!
- That's sick.
Copy !req
398. - Watch his liver.
- I'll get it.
Copy !req
399. We have precious little time left,
people.
Copy !req
400. We're gonna lose him soon.
Copy !req
401. - Doctor, his heart stopped!
- Let's get it out of there.
Copy !req
402. We need to zap this quick!
Copy !req
403. - Who's making a potato?
- My bad, sir. I missed lunch.
Copy !req
404. Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid!
Copy !req
405. Close him up. We've done all we can.
Copy !req
406. The rest is up to God.
Copy !req
407. Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?
Copy !req
408. How are you feeling, son?
Copy !req
409. Great. Son, I have some bad news.
Copy !req
410. We accidentally replaced your heart
with a baked potato.
Copy !req
411. You have about three seconds to live.
Copy !req
412. Fucking weak, dude!
Copy !req
413. - Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
Copy !req
414. Damn it! It never gets any easier!
Copy !req
415. I bet him he couldn't do it.
I bet him $100.
Copy !req
416. Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.
Copy !req
417. No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked
I don't have to pay him.
Copy !req
418. That's real nice!
He was your friend, you fat fuck!
Copy !req
419. So, boys, you saw that movie again?
Copy !req
420. - Yes.
- Well, Kyle, I have had it!
Copy !req
421. You are grounded for
the next two weeks!
Copy !req
422. - Grounded?
- And you, Stan. Come on.
Copy !req
423. And you're grounded
for three weeks, Eric.
Copy !req
424. Why am I grounded more?
That's fucking bullshit!
Copy !req
425. What? What? What?
What was that word, young man?
Copy !req
426. Little boy at peace
Copy !req
427. What is this place beyond the stars?
Copy !req
428. Open up your eyes
Copy !req
429. What are these things
you're moving toward?
Copy !req
430. Head so full of wonder
Copy !req
431. worries in the past
Copy !req
432. Could it be that you are free at last?
Copy !req
433. No!
Copy !req
434. Little boy, you're going to hell!
Copy !req
435. You said bad words
Threw rocks at the birds
Copy !req
436. And now this is your hotel
Copy !req
437. You ain't going back
This ain't Disneyland, it's hell!
Copy !req
438. Little boy, it's time for you to pay
Copy !req
439. For hurting that bird
and not going to church
Copy !req
440. And staring at boobs every day
Copy !req
441. Thought you were in bed
Instead, you're in hell!
Copy !req
442. Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
Copy !req
443. Hey, fuck-face, have you seen Gracie?
Copy !req
444. There is orderliness in the universe.
Copy !req
445. Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
No!
Copy !req
446. Parents, our children are out of control!
Copy !req
447. This is what happens when toilet humor
is allowed to run rampant!
Copy !req
448. That's right. Kenny set himself on fire
Copy !req
449. because he saw Terrance and Phillip
do it in that dirty movie!
Copy !req
450. We must stop dirty language
from getting to our childrers ears!
Copy !req
451. We must go fight the source of it!
Copy !req
452. But what is the source?
Copy !req
453. That's easy.
Copy !req
454. Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
Copy !req
455. They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse
Copy !req
456. Should we blame the government?
Copy !req
457. Or blame society?
Copy !req
458. Or should we blame the images on TV?
Copy !req
459. No! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
460. Blame Canada!
Copy !req
461. With all their beady little eyes
and flapping heads so full of lies
Copy !req
462. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
463. We need to form a full assault
Copy !req
464. It's Canada's fault!
Copy !req
465. Don't blame me for my son Stan
Copy !req
466. He saw the darn cartoon
and now he's off to join the Klan
Copy !req
467. And my boy Eric once
had my picture on his shelf
Copy !req
468. But now when I see him
he tells me to fuck myself
Copy !req
469. Well, Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
470. It seems that everything's gone wrong
since Canada came along
Copy !req
471. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
472. They're not even a real country anyway
Copy !req
473. My son could've been a doctor
or a lawyer rich and true
Copy !req
474. Instead, he burned up like a piggy
on a barbecue
Copy !req
475. Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Copy !req
476. Or the doctors who allowed him
to expire?
Copy !req
477. Heck, no!
Copy !req
478. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
479. With all their hockey hullabaloo
Copy !req
480. And that bitch Anne Murray, too
Copy !req
481. Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!
Copy !req
482. For
Copy !req
483. The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
Copy !req
484. The laughter and fun must all be undone
Copy !req
485. We must blame them and cause a fuss
Copy !req
486. Before somebody thinks of blaming us!
Copy !req
487. All right, you turds, listen up!
Copy !req
488. Your moms are away at a meeting
and they put me in charge of you!
Copy !req
489. But you're still grounded,
so you're not allowed to have any fun!
Copy !req
490. - Any questions?
- Shelly, where's the clitoris?
Copy !req
491. Now you all just sit there
and keep your mouths shut
Copy !req
492. while I go listen
to my Britney Spears records.
Copy !req
493. Okay, it's clear.
Copy !req
494. Our next guests have the number one
movie in the world right now.
Copy !req
495. Please welcome Terrance and Phillip!
Copy !req
496. Hooray!
Copy !req
497. - Hello, Conan.
- Hello, Brooke Shields.
Copy !req
498. Now, guys, some people claim
that your Canadian humor
Copy !req
499. is nothing but immature fartjokes.
Copy !req
500. That's not true. Take this classic
Canadian joke, for instance.
Copy !req
501. - Excuse me, Terrance.
- Yes, Phillip?
Copy !req
502. Gosh darn it!
Copy !req
503. - Good one, Phillip. Cheers.
- Cheers, fuck-face.
Copy !req
504. Guys, you can't say that on TV.
Copy !req
505. Now Terrance smells like my ass!
Copy !req
506. I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.
Copy !req
507. So, guys, does it make you nervous
to be in America?
Copy !req
508. There are a lot of organizations here
Copy !req
509. that want you arrested for
destroying children.
Copy !req
510. - They'd have to find us first.
- You're right.
Copy !req
511. Now!
Copy !req
512. Terrance and Phillip,
Copy !req
513. Mothers Against Canada
is placing you under citizens arrest!
Copy !req
514. - Mom?
- Dude, what the hell is going on?
Copy !req
515. We have a court order for your arrest!
Copy !req
516. Phillip, we've been ambushed!
Copy !req
517. Here you go, Conan.
Copy !req
518. This little scrotum sucker deceived us!
Copy !req
519. - You are a bad man!
- Don't listen to them, Conan!
Copy !req
520. You loved our movie, Conan!
We watched it together!
Copy !req
521. - Remember? You laughed!
- What have I done?
Copy !req
522. Holy crap! Did you see that?
They arrested Terrance and Phillip!
Copy !req
523. As the Canadian Ambassador,
Copy !req
524. I hereby condemn the actions
taken by America
Copy !req
525. in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
526. As you can see from this graph,
Copy !req
527. the entire economy of Canada
relies on Terrance and Phillip!
Copy !req
528. Without them,
we are doomed to recession.
Copy !req
529. What say you,
Mr. American Ambassador?
Copy !req
530. - Fuck Canada!
- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
Copy !req
531. Terrance and Phillip
will not be released!
Copy !req
532. They're going to be put on trial for
corrupting America's youth.
Copy !req
533. We don't know
what all the fuss is about.
Copy !req
534. The fuss is aboot taking our citizens!
Copy !req
535. It's aboot not censoring our art!
It's aboot... It's aboot...
Copy !req
536. What's so goddamn funny?
Copy !req
537. Nothing, nothing.
Copy !req
538. Could you tell us again what your
argument is all about?
Copy !req
539. This is not aboot diplomacy,
this is aboot dignity!
Copy !req
540. This is aboot respect!
This is aboot realizing that humor...
Copy !req
541. You guys are dicks!
Release Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
542. or we'll give you something
to cry aboot!
Copy !req
543. Pilot to bombardier. Pilot to bombardier.
We're nearing the target.
Copy !req
544. The bomb's ready, buddy.
Copy !req
545. Baldwin residence.
No, this is Billy Baldwin.
Copy !req
546. If you want Daniel Baldwin,
call his extension, stupid!
Copy !req
547. Hey, Alec, do you know
what sucks about being a Baldwin?
Copy !req
548. - No, what?
- Nothing! Yeah!
Copy !req
549. You missed me!
Copy !req
550. All right, children,
your mothers are all making me
Copy !req
551. throw away my lesson plan
and teach theirs.
Copy !req
552. Mr. Garrison, how come our moms
arrested Terrance and Phillip?
Copy !req
553. - Yeah!
- That's gay.
Copy !req
554. Well, your moms are just upset.
Copy !req
555. They're probably all on their
periods or something.
Copy !req
556. Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think
that was a sexist statement.
Copy !req
557. Well, I'm sorry, Wendy,
Copy !req
558. but I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Copy !req
559. Anyway, children,
let's start offwith some vocabulary.
Copy !req
560. - Attention, students!
- What now?
Copy !req
561. Come to the gymnasium immediately
for a special announcement, m'kay?
Copy !req
562. - What's going on, Chef?
- Something big, children.
Copy !req
563. Chef, I can't find the clitoris.
You have to help me.
Copy !req
564. Stan, the clitoris...
Copy !req
565. Please take your seats, everyone.
They're about to announce it, m'kay?
Copy !req
566. This is a state of emergency.
Copy !req
567. We go now to the White House
for an announcement
Copy !req
568. from the President of the United States.
Copy !req
569. My fellowAmericans,
Copy !req
570. at 5:00 a.m. Today,
a day which will live in infamy,
Copy !req
571. the Canadians have bombed
the Baldwins.
Copy !req
572. In response to this,
the U.S. Has declared war on Canada.
Copy !req
573. - Oh, no!
- War?
Copy !req
574. - No, Gregory! No!
- This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.
Copy !req
575. All the Baldwins are dead?
Copy !req
576. Now it is the time for us to send
a message to Canadians.
Copy !req
577. In two days time,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
578. will be executed.
Copy !req
579. They're gonna kill them?
Copy !req
580. And now I'd like to bring up my newly
appointed Secretary of Offense,
Copy !req
581. Ms. Sheila Broflovski.
Copy !req
582. Holy shit, dude!
Copy !req
583. My fellowAmericans,
Copy !req
584. our neighbor to the north
has abused us for the last time!
Copy !req
585. - I have a plan...
- The Canadians want to fight us
Copy !req
586. because we won't tolerate
their potty mouths!
Copy !req
587. Well, if it is war they want,
then war they shall have!
Copy !req
588. - Dude, this is fucking weak.
- How could things be any worse?
Copy !req
589. Fallen one, I am Satan.
Copy !req
590. I am your god now.
Copy !req
591. There is no escape.
Copy !req
592. Now, feel the delightful pain.
Copy !req
593. Hey, Satan, did you hear the news?
Copy !req
594. A warjust broke out up on Earth.
Copy !req
595. Meet Saddam Hussein,
my new partner in evil.
Copy !req
596. Move over, Satan,
you're hogging all the fun.
Copy !req
597. Yeah! Yeah!
Man, this is getting me so hot!
Copy !req
598. Saddam, would you let me
do my job, please?
Copy !req
599. Come on, rub my nipples
while I torture this little piggy!
Copy !req
600. Saddam, could I talk to you
over here for a second?
Copy !req
601. I don't see why you have to belittle me
in front of people like that.
Copy !req
602. Relax, guy!
Copy !req
603. Well, sometimes I think you don't have
any respect for me.
Copy !req
604. Hey, come here, guy.
Copy !req
605. - Who's my cream puff?
- I am.
Copy !req
606. That's right, buddy.
Copy !req
607. - Dude, I don't want to be at war.
- You don't think they're really
Copy !req
608. gonna kill Terrance and Phillip,
do you?
Copy !req
609. Kyle, you need to stop
being such a chicken shit
Copy !req
610. and stand up to your mother.
Copy !req
611. You need to smack her
in the face and say,
Copy !req
612. "That's enough of your shit,
you fucking bitch!"
Copy !req
613. Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Copy !req
614. You guys stop it! This isn't helping!
Copy !req
615. We've gotta think here!
Copy !req
616. Now, let's see,
what would Brian Boitano do?
Copy !req
617. Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?
Copy !req
618. Hey, what's going on over there?
Copy !req
619. The American government thinks
it has the right to police the world.
Copy !req
620. Your government is going
to kill two Canadian citizens,
Copy !req
621. an action condemned by the U.N.
Home of the free, indeed.
Copy !req
622. - Let's play tetherball.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
623. This is about freedom of speech!
About censorship!
Copy !req
624. Can't you guys be more political
like Gregory?
Copy !req
625. There's the girl that I like
Copy !req
626. Now it appears
that she likes another guy
Copy !req
627. It must be because
he's political and stuff
Copy !req
628. I bet I could be political, too
Copy !req
629. What do you think, Stan?
Copy !req
630. - Damn it!
- You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault!
Copy !req
631. Shut up, Cartman!
Copy !req
632. Kyle's mom is the one
that started that damn club,
Copy !req
633. and all because
she's a big, fat, stupid...
Copy !req
634. Don't say it, Cartman!
Copy !req
635. Well...
Copy !req
636. Don't do it, Cartman!
Copy !req
637. Well...
Copy !req
638. - I'm warning you!
- Okay. Okay.
Copy !req
639. I'm getting pretty sick of
him calling my mom...
Copy !req
640. well, Kyle's mom's a bitch
She's a big fat witch
Copy !req
641. She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
Copy !req
642. She's a stupid bitch
if there ever was a bitch
Copy !req
643. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
Copy !req
644. Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!
Copy !req
645. On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch
Copy !req
646. And wednesday through Saturday
she's a bitch
Copy !req
647. Then on Sunday, just to be different
Copy !req
648. She's a super
King Kamehameha bitch!
Copy !req
649. Come on, you all know the words!
Copy !req
650. Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
Copy !req
651. She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
Copy !req
652. She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
Copy !req
653. She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Copy !req
654. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
Copy !req
655. Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
Copy !req
656. Talk to kids around the world
Copy !req
657. It might go a little bit
something like this
Copy !req
658. Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
Copy !req
659. She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
Copy !req
660. She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
Copy !req
661. She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
Copy !req
662. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
Copy !req
663. Cartman...
Copy !req
664. Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
Copy !req
665. I really mean it
Copy !req
666. Kyle's mom
Copy !req
667. She's a big fat fucking bitch
Copy !req
668. Big, old, fat fucking bitch, Kyle's mom
Copy !req
669. Yeah!
Copy !req
670. What?
Copy !req
671. Fuck.
Copy !req
672. Okay, everyone settle down.
Copy !req
673. As we continue to send troops
into Canada,
Copy !req
674. M.A.C. Is also fighting the war
against potty mouths here at home!
Copy !req
675. Here to present the V-Chip
is Dr. Vosknocker.
Copy !req
676. The machinery of the V-Chip
is very simple.
Copy !req
677. It is placed under the child's skin
Copy !req
678. where it emits a small shock
of electricity
Copy !req
679. whenever an obscenity is uttered.
Copy !req
680. Now, wait a minute.
Copy !req
681. This chip somehow knows
if the child is swearing?
Copy !req
682. It's just like a lie detector.
Copy !req
683. You see, certain things happen to you
when you swear,
Copy !req
684. just like when you lie.
Copy !req
685. The chip picks up on this
and gives the subject a little prick.
Copy !req
686. Patient B5,
would you step out here, please?
Copy !req
687. Patient B5 here has been fitted
with the new V-Chip.
Copy !req
688. - My head hurts.
- Don't worry about that.
Copy !req
689. Now I want you to say "doggy."
Copy !req
690. - Doggy.
- Notice that nothing happens.
Copy !req
691. - Now say "Montana."
- Montana.
Copy !req
692. Good! Now, "pillow."
Copy !req
693. - Pillow.
- All right.
Copy !req
694. Now I want you to say "horse fucker."
Copy !req
695. Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
Copy !req
696. Horse...
Copy !req
697. That hurt, goddamn... Fuck!
Copy !req
698. Now I'd like you to say
"big floppy donkey dick."
Copy !req
699. - No!
- Success!
Copy !req
700. The child doesn't want to swear!
Copy !req
701. This isn't fair, you sons of bitches!
Copy !req
702. We will start putting V-Chips
in all our children next week!
Copy !req
703. Snacky Smores presents
The March of War.
Copy !req
704. Let's hear it for our boys in blue.
Copy !req
705. President Clinton
has called them to action
Copy !req
706. to fight the evil Canadian scourge.
Copy !req
707. A full-scale attack
has been launched on Toronto
Copy !req
708. after the Canadians' last bombing
Copy !req
709. which took a horrible toll
on the Arquette family.
Copy !req
710. For security measures,
our great American government
Copy !req
711. is rounding up all citizens
that have any Canadian blood
Copy !req
712. and putting them into camps.
Copy !req
713. All Canadian-American
citizens are to report
Copy !req
714. to one of these death camps right away.
Copy !req
715. Did I say death camps?
Copy !req
716. I meant happy camps,
where you will eat the finest meals,
Copy !req
717. have access to fabulous doctors
and be able to exercise regularly.
Copy !req
718. Meanwhile,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
719. are prepped for their execution.
Copy !req
720. Their execution will take place
during a fabulous USO show!
Copy !req
721. With special guests celebrities,
including Big Gay Al and winona Ryder!
Copy !req
722. Of course,
the only way to see the USO show
Copy !req
723. is to sign up for the army!
Copy !req
724. So join the army
and kill some Canadian scum
Copy !req
725. as we continue the march of war!
Copy !req
726. We must rid ourselves
of anything Canadian!
Copy !req
727. Bomb them!
Copy !req
728. Dude, don't you like
Terrance and Phillip anymore?
Copy !req
729. Course not! My mommy says
Copy !req
730. I hate Canadians now 'cause they
made me have a dirty mouth!
Copy !req
731. Burn it all!
Copy !req
732. - Hey, dudes.
- What's the matter, Cartman?
Copy !req
733. It's this V-Chip. I hate it.
I can't say any dirty words.
Copy !req
734. - Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
- No.
Copy !req
735. - And you can't say "shit"?
- No.
Copy !req
736. So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman,
Copy !req
737. "the fattest fucking piece of shit
in the world"?
Copy !req
738. - Fuck you...
- Sweet.
Copy !req
739. Come on, you guys.
This has gone far enough.
Copy !req
740. It's time we talked to our moms.
Copy !req
741. We're supposed to be grounded
in our rooms.
Copy !req
742. Come on, Kyle,
it's time for us to get political.
Copy !req
743. Canada will no longer corrupt
our children!
Copy !req
744. - Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Kyle, what are you doing here?
Copy !req
745. You are grounded!
Copy !req
746. Now get back to the house
and stay there!
Copy !req
747. You too, Stanley!
Copy !req
748. Mom, we think you're going too far.
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
749. We must fight for
our childrers futures...
Copy !req
750. You started a war! You have to stop it!
Copy !req
751. to make them safe again!
Copy !req
752. - Hello?
- Our children are precious!
Copy !req
753. - Hello!
- We must make a stand now!
Copy !req
754. Stop at nothing!
Copy !req
755. I told you my mom wouldn't listen.
Copy !req
756. Well, then we're just gonna have to
save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!
Copy !req
757. - What?
- Think about it, you guys.
Copy !req
758. What would Brian Boitano do?
Copy !req
759. He'd figure out a way
to rescue Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
760. before they're executed.
Copy !req
761. We can't do anything.
Our moms' organization is too strong.
Copy !req
762. Well, then, we'll round up
all the grounded kids in town
Copy !req
763. and start our own organization.
Copy !req
764. An organization to help save
Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
765. Hey, yeah, our own secret club!
Copy !req
766. - I guess that could work.
- We have to try.
Copy !req
767. What would Brian Boitano do
if he was here right now?
Copy !req
768. He'd make a plan
and he'd follow through
Copy !req
769. That's what Brian Boitano would do
Copy !req
770. when Brian Boitano was in
the Olympics skating for the gold
Copy !req
771. He did two salchows and a triple Lutz
while wearing a blindfold
Copy !req
772. When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
fighting grizzly bears
Copy !req
773. He used his magical fire breath
and saved the maidens fair
Copy !req
774. So what would Brian Boitano do
if he were here today?
Copy !req
775. I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano would do
Copy !req
776. I want this V-Chip out of me
Copy !req
777. It has stunted my vocabulary
Copy !req
778. And I just want my mom
to stop fighting everyone
Copy !req
779. For wendy I'll be an activist, too
Copy !req
780. 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
Copy !req
781. what would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town
Copy !req
782. And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do
Copy !req
783. - Did someone say my name?
- Who are you?
Copy !req
784. - I'm Brian Dennehy.
- What?
Copy !req
785. - No, not fucking Brian Dennehy!
- Yeah. Get the fuck out of here!
Copy !req
786. Bye.
Copy !req
787. When Brian Boitano
traveled through time
Copy !req
788. To the year 3010
Copy !req
789. He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again
Copy !req
790. And when Brian Boitano
built the pyramids
Copy !req
791. He beat up Kublai Khan
Copy !req
792. 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
from anybody
Copy !req
793. So let's call all the kids together
and unite to stop our moms
Copy !req
794. And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
Copy !req
795. 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
Copy !req
796. And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
Copy !req
797. 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
Copy !req
798. Hey, relax, guy.
Copy !req
799. There's nothing on.
Copy !req
800. You just get cranky when you're tired,
that's all.
Copy !req
801. I'm not cranky.
Copy !req
802. What started as a spat between
the United States and Canada
Copy !req
803. is quickly turning into world War III!
Copy !req
804. World War III?
Copy !req
805. Terrance and Phillip
are going to be put to death
Copy !req
806. for crimes against humanity.
Copy !req
807. The time of execution...
Copy !req
808. It has come to be.
The four horsemen are drawing nigh!
Copy !req
809. The time of prophecy is upon us!
Copy !req
810. I love when you get all biblical, Satan.
Copy !req
811. You know exactly how to turn my crank.
Copy !req
812. No, I'm being serious.
It is the seventh sign.
Copy !req
813. - What?
- Behold.
Copy !req
814. The first signs of my reign
have all come true.
Copy !req
815. The fall of an empire,
the coming of a comet,
Copy !req
816. and now, when the blood of these
Canadians touches American soil,
Copy !req
817. it will be our time to rise.
Copy !req
818. Yeah. Yeah, man! I'm getting so hot!
Let's fuck!
Copy !req
819. Do you always think about sex?
Copy !req
820. I'm talking about
very important stuff here!
Copy !req
821. I'm just excited about
taking over the world! Come on!
Copy !req
822. Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Copy !req
823. I love you.
Copy !req
824. I want to believe that.
Copy !req
825. So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?
Copy !req
826. Yeah, you like that, don't you, bitch?
Copy !req
827. Okay. We can use my dad's computer
to call all the kids together.
Copy !req
828. Wait. Before we put a message out,
do a search on the word "clitoris."
Copy !req
829. Okay.
Copy !req
830. Found eight million pages
with the word "clitoris."
Copy !req
831. Wow!
Copy !req
832. I'll just try the first one.
"You must be 18 to enter this website."
Copy !req
833. Okay.
"Welcome to German sick fetish video."
Copy !req
834. "If you are under 18 do not..." Okay.
Copy !req
835. Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
Copy !req
836. - Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
- Very funny.
Copy !req
837. Hey! It is Cartman's mom!
Copy !req
838. All righty then.
Copy !req
839. Son of a bitch...
Copy !req
840. Get out of here, lke.
You're too young for this stuff.
Copy !req
841. Bullshit.
Copy !req
842. What's she doing now?
Copy !req
843. Okey-dokey.
Copy !req
844. Click it off, dude! Click it off!
Copy !req
845. Dude, what the fuck is wrong
with German people?
Copy !req
846. All right. All right.
Let's just do what we came here to do
Copy !req
847. and put a message out to kids!
Copy !req
848. Okay. Let's see. I've gotta put out
an all-access e-mail.
Copy !req
849. Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman.
Copy !req
850. Just get to the message board!
Copy !req
851. I'm trying. I can't find a Canadian server.
I've got to break into the mainframe.
Copy !req
852. Damn it, they've got an access code!
I'll try to reroute the encryptions.
Copy !req
853. Okay. Here we go.
"Want to help Terrance and Phillip?"
Copy !req
854. - Tell them we'll have punch and pie.
- We're not gonna have punch and pie!
Copy !req
855. More people will come
if they think we have punch and pie!
Copy !req
856. "This is top secret. The password is..."
Copy !req
857. La Résistance.
Copy !req
858. And so the draft will begin tomorrow
Copy !req
859. as more and more troops are needed
to invade the Canadian border.
Copy !req
860. The Canadian government pleads
for a peaceful resolution,
Copy !req
861. but naturally we're not listening.
Copy !req
862. Good night, hon.
Copy !req
863. Mom, when is the war gonna be over?
Copy !req
864. I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.
Copy !req
865. You want it to end quickly, huh?
Copy !req
866. - Mom?
- Yes, hon?
Copy !req
867. If you were in a German Scheibe video,
you'd tell me, right?
Copy !req
868. Sure, hon. Good night.
Copy !req
869. There's a ghost!
Copy !req
870. Kenny, is that you?
Copy !req
871. Satan! Satan is coming here?
Copy !req
872. Saddam Hussein?
That doesn't make sense, Kenny!
Copy !req
873. - Eric, what is it?
- I saw him! I saw Kenny!
Copy !req
874. You poor dear.
You've been through so much.
Copy !req
875. I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire
and now he's all pissed off!
Copy !req
876. I can't say "pissed off"?
Copy !req
877. The execution of Terrance and Phillip
is imminent.
Copy !req
878. Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.
Copy !req
879. Hi, Satan. I got some new luggage
for our trip up to Earth.
Copy !req
880. Let's fuck to celebrate.
Copy !req
881. What's it like up on Earth, Saddam?
Tell me about it again.
Copy !req
882. Let's not talk. Let's get busy.
Copy !req
883. Do you remember
when you first got here?
Copy !req
884. We used to talk all night long
until the sun came up.
Copy !req
885. We would just lie in bed and talk.
Copy !req
886. Well, yeah, 'cause I was still waiting
to get you in bed, dummy!
Copy !req
887. How come you always wanna
make love to me from behind?
Copy !req
888. Is it because you want to pretend
I'm somebody else?
Copy !req
889. Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.
Copy !req
890. Who am I gonna pretend you are,
Liza Minnelli?
Copy !req
891. Don't get all pissy!
Copy !req
892. Sometimes I think
Copy !req
893. When I look up real high
Copy !req
894. That there's such a big world up there
Copy !req
895. I'd like to give it a try
Copy !req
896. But then I sink
Copy !req
897. 'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay
Copy !req
898. But I get so lonely down here
Copy !req
899. Tell me why's it have to be that way
Copy !req
900. Up there, there is so much room
Copy !req
901. Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Copy !req
902. Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
Copy !req
903. Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
Copy !req
904. I could be safe and live without a care
Copy !req
905. Up there
Copy !req
906. They say I don't belong
Copy !req
907. I must stay below alone
Copy !req
908. Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to
stay where evil is sown
Copy !req
909. But what is evil anyway?
Is there reason to the rhyme?
Copy !req
910. Without evil there could be no good
Copy !req
911. So it must be good
to be evil sometimes
Copy !req
912. Up there, there is so much room
Copy !req
913. Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Copy !req
914. Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
Copy !req
915. Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
Copy !req
916. I could be safe and live without a care
Copy !req
917. Live without a care
Copy !req
918. If only I could live up there
Copy !req
919. I wanna live
I wanna live
Copy !req
920. I want to live up there!
Copy !req
921. - You're late, Cartman!
- I had to ride my bike here.
Copy !req
922. - My behind is killing me!
- Your behind?
Copy !req
923. I have to say "behind"
'cause I get shocked if I say "ass"...
Copy !req
924. - Did you bring the punch and pie?
- No, you guys, something happened.
Copy !req
925. - I don't think Kenny's dead.
- What?
Copy !req
926. I saw him in my room.
Copy !req
927. I know, Cartman, I know.
I see Kenny every day.
Copy !req
928. - You do?
- Sure, dude, on the face of every child.
Copy !req
929. On the smile of every baby.
Copy !req
930. Hey, I'm telling you, this was Kenny!
Copy !req
931. He said that if Terrance and Phillip die,
Copy !req
932. Saddam Hussein and Satan
are gonna come up and rule the world!
Copy !req
933. Saddam Hussein?
Copy !req
934. - Who is it?
- I'm here for la Résistance.
Copy !req
935. - What's the password?
- I don't know.
Copy !req
936. - Guess.
- Bacon.
Copy !req
937. Okay.
Copy !req
938. Oh, no, it's that kid!
Copy !req
939. - This is the place.
- Wendy?
Copy !req
940. Stan? You started la Résistance?
Copy !req
941. Well, apparently you're more political
than we thought.
Copy !req
942. Let us get this meeting underway.
There are others coming.
Copy !req
943. Wow, a lot of people showed up.
Copy !req
944. Okay.
Copy !req
945. Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
Copy !req
946. and we think that sucks ass!
Copy !req
947. Yes?
Copy !req
948. We were to understand
there'd be pie and punch.
Copy !req
949. There isn't any.
Copy !req
950. Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
Copy !req
951. so we think we should prank call
a bunch of policemen
Copy !req
952. and have pizza sent to them
that they didn't order!
Copy !req
953. - May I?
- What?
Copy !req
954. Terrance and Phillip
are currently being held
Copy !req
955. at a Canadian internment camp
two kilometers outside of town.
Copy !req
956. They're to be executed tomorrow during
Copy !req
957. a star-studded USO show
for the troops.
Copy !req
958. Tomorrow?
Copy !req
959. Once the show begins,
we should have about one hour
Copy !req
960. to get Terrance and Phillip
out of their cell
Copy !req
961. and into this clearing.
Copy !req
962. There, we will all rendezvous
and, together,
Copy !req
963. take Terrance and Phillip
safely back to Canada.
Copy !req
964. Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.
Copy !req
965. You must all meet me at the rendezvous
point at precisely 10:00 p.m.
Copy !req
966. Sneaking into the show and breaking out
Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
967. will be the most dangerous part,
so I'll go myself.
Copy !req
968. No! We're going!
Copy !req
969. We started la Résistance.
Copy !req
970. We'll get Terrance and Phillip
and meet you at the rendezvous point.
Copy !req
971. This will be very dangerous.
Are you quite sure?
Copy !req
972. Fuck that!
Copy !req
973. Cartman, do you want
that V-Chip in you forever?
Copy !req
974. We're going.
Now let's run through the plan.
Copy !req
975. Oh, boy! Military action, Ned!
Copy !req
976. Let's kill us
some goddamn Australians!
Copy !req
977. I think we're fighting Canadians.
Copy !req
978. Canadians, Australians,
what's the difference?
Copy !req
979. Yeah. This uniform makes me feel
like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat.
Copy !req
980. It sure does, Mr. Garrison.
Copy !req
981. Oh, boy, I can't wait for
our first shore leave
Copy !req
982. so I can get me some fucking poontang.
Copy !req
983. Pay attention!
Copy !req
984. Tomorrow night is the USO show
for all you troops!
Copy !req
985. There will be celebrities, followed by
the execution of Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
986. After the show, we will finally be
sending ground troops into Canada.
Copy !req
987. So let's strategize.
Copy !req
988. Map!
Copy !req
989. Our sources have told us
that the Canadians
Copy !req
990. are preparing for our invasion,
so we must use caution.
Copy !req
991. Each battalion has
a specific code name and mission.
Copy !req
992. Battalion Five, raise your hands.
Copy !req
993. You will be the all-important
first attack wave,
Copy !req
994. which we will call
Operation Human Shield.
Copy !req
995. Hey, wait a minute!
Copy !req
996. Now keep in mind, Operation Human
Shield will suffer heavy losses.
Copy !req
997. Battalion Fourteen?
Copy !req
998. Right. You are
Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
Copy !req
999. You will follow Battalion Five here.
Copy !req
1000. And try not to get killed, for God's sake.
Are there any questions, men?
Copy !req
1001. Yes, soldier?
Copy !req
1002. Have you ever heard of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
Copy !req
1003. I don't listen to hip-hop.
Copy !req
1004. After that, we will march
into the heart of Canada and we will...
Copy !req
1005. I'm coming to get you!
I'm coming to get you!
Copy !req
1006. What's wrong with this thing?
Copy !req
1007. It's fucking Windows 98!
Get Bill Gates in here!
Copy !req
1008. You told us Windows 98 would be faster
and more efficient
Copy !req
1009. with better access to the Internet.
Copy !req
1010. It is faster. Over five million...
Copy !req
1011. All right, men, get lots of rest
and prepare to go into Canada!
Copy !req
1012. After you have Terrance and Phillip,
quietly make your way to this ridge.
Copy !req
1013. We will be waiting for you there.
We cannot wait for long,
Copy !req
1014. so if you're not there at 10:00,
we'll have to leave.
Copy !req
1015. - Got you.
- You are indeed brave,
Copy !req
1016. but you will need help from someone
who's done this sort of thing before.
Copy !req
1017. - Here's the address of The Mole.
- The Mole?
Copy !req
1018. He is an expert in covert operations.
A mercenary for hire.
Copy !req
1019. Your first task will be obtaining him.
Get lots of sleep.
Copy !req
1020. Tomorrow, we will all be
risking our lives for freedom.
Copy !req
1021. God has smiled upon you this day
Copy !req
1022. The fate of a nation in your hands
Copy !req
1023. And blessed be the children
Copy !req
1024. Who fight with all our bravery
Copy !req
1025. Till only the righteous stand
Copy !req
1026. You see the distant flames
They bellow in the night
Copy !req
1027. You fight in all our names
for what we know is right
Copy !req
1028. And when you all get shot
and cannot carry on
Copy !req
1029. Though you die, la Résistance lives on
Copy !req
1030. You may get stabbed in the head
with a dagger or a sword
Copy !req
1031. You may be burned to death
or skinned alive or worse
Copy !req
1032. But when they torture you
you will not feel the need to run
Copy !req
1033. For though you die
la Résistance lives on
Copy !req
1034. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
1035. Because the country's gone awry
Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!
Copy !req
1036. Tomorrow night, our lives will change
Copy !req
1037. Tomorrow night, we'll be entertained
Copy !req
1038. An execution
What a sight
Copy !req
1039. Tomorrow night
Copy !req
1040. Up there, there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
Copy !req
1041. Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
And so I will be going soon
Copy !req
1042. Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
Copy !req
1043. You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
Copy !req
1044. Looks like we may be out of luck
Copy !req
1045. Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked
Copy !req
1046. Why did our mothers start this war?
What the fuck are they fighting for?
Copy !req
1047. When did this song
become a marathon?
Copy !req
1048. - I want to be up there...
- When Canada is dead and gone
Copy !req
1049. There'll be no more Celine Dion!
Copy !req
1050. They might cut your dick in half
and serve it to a pig
Copy !req
1051. And though it hurts
you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig
Copy !req
1052. But that's the way it goes
In war, you're shat upon
Copy !req
1053. - Though we die...
- I want to be up there...
Copy !req
1054. la Résistance lives on!
Copy !req
1055. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
Copy !req
1056. - Tomorrow night!
- Tomorrow night!
Copy !req
1057. Oh, boy, I'm so excited!
Copy !req
1058. Just one more day
until we can take over the world.
Copy !req
1059. I don't know if I can sleep,
if you know what I mean.
Copy !req
1060. This book is really interesting.
Copy !req
1061. It talks about how people
communicate differently.
Copy !req
1062. Like, I communicate by wanting you
to ask me questions, and you...
Copy !req
1063. Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!
Copy !req
1064. Saddam, I'm trying to have
a nice conversation with you.
Copy !req
1065. Hey, Satan.
Copy !req
1066. Now that is just not appropriate!
Copy !req
1067. Come on, I'm just fucking with you!
It's not real!
Copy !req
1068. - Well, that is still not appropriate.
- Hey, daddy.
Copy !req
1069. It's not real, either! Come on, guy!
Copy !req
1070. Soon the world will belong to me!
Copy !req
1071. It's Saddam,
he doesn't nurture my emotions.
Copy !req
1072. He just wants sex
and can't learn to communicate.
Copy !req
1073. You're right, I should leave him!
I'm just gonna tell him,
Copy !req
1074. "Saddam,
I'm going to Earth to rule alone!"
Copy !req
1075. I'm strong and I don't need him!
Copy !req
1076. Today's the day for the USO show
Copy !req
1077. we're so happy we get to go
Copy !req
1078. I don't know but I've been told
Copy !req
1079. Canadian pussy is mighty cold...
Copy !req
1080. Ike, you have to stay in the attic
'cause if they find you,
Copy !req
1081. they'll put you
in a Canadian concentration camp.
Copy !req
1082. Don't worry, lke,
we're gonna put an end to this.
Copy !req
1083. And then I'll make Mom come home
and we'll all be a family again.
Copy !req
1084. All of that is home.
Copy !req
1085. - Hello?
- Hi. We need to speak with The Mole.
Copy !req
1086. I'm sorry, The Mole is grounded.
He can't come out and play.
Copy !req
1087. - What?
- He's a kid?
Copy !req
1088. He said very naughty things about God.
Copy !req
1089. Well, can we just talk to him
for five seconds, please?
Copy !req
1090. Well, all right. Christophe?
Copy !req
1091. Hi, we're gonna go rescue
Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
1092. from the USO show and...
Copy !req
1093. - Who are you? Who sent you?
- That Gregory kid.
Copy !req
1094. He said you could sneak us in.
Copy !req
1095. Are you telling me that you intend to
break into the USO show,
Copy !req
1096. filled with thousands of soldiers,
and break out Terrance and Phillip?
Copy !req
1097. I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, too.
Copy !req
1098. We're la Résistance!
Copy !req
1099. We wanna save Terrance and Phillip
and stop the war and stuff.
Copy !req
1100. I can't help you. I'm grounded
in my room for the next three days.
Copy !req
1101. So are we.
Our parents think we're home right now.
Copy !req
1102. Why are you grounded?
Copy !req
1103. Why? Because God hates me,
that's why.
Copy !req
1104. He has made my life miserable.
Copy !req
1105. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole
and I get grounded.
Copy !req
1106. - So will you help us?
- Very well.
Copy !req
1107. Meet me in the backyard
in five minutes.
Copy !req
1108. We'll show God that we're not gonna
fucking take any more...
Copy !req
1109. - What? Christophe, get in here!
- Coming, Mother.
Copy !req
1110. I must be strong. I must be strong.
Copy !req
1111. Saddam, I need to talk to you.
Copy !req
1112. You better get packing, bitch.
Copy !req
1113. We have to go.
We're running out of time.
Copy !req
1114. Saddam, sometimes you can love
a person very much,
Copy !req
1115. but still know that they aren't
right for you.
Copy !req
1116. What the fuck are you talking about?
Copy !req
1117. You treat me like shit, Saddam!
I'm leaving you!
Copy !req
1118. I'm going up to Earth to rule alone!
Copy !req
1119. No. No, you can't do that!
Copy !req
1120. - I'm sorry, but I have to be strong.
- Satan, please, give me another chance!
Copy !req
1121. - I have to go to Earth!
- You don't even have respect for me!
Copy !req
1122. Sure I do, guy. Please, just hear me out.
Copy !req
1123. Some people say that I'm a bad guy
Copy !req
1124. They may be right
They may be right
Copy !req
1125. But it's not as if I don't try
Copy !req
1126. I just fuck up, try as I might
Copy !req
1127. But I can change, I can change
Copy !req
1128. I can learn to keep my promises
I swear it
Copy !req
1129. I'll open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again
Copy !req
1130. Yes, I can change, I can change
Copy !req
1131. I know I've been a dirty little bastard
Copy !req
1132. I like to kill, I like to maim
Copy !req
1133. Yes, I'm insane, but it's okay
'cause I can change
Copy !req
1134. It's not my fault that I'm so evil
It's society
Copy !req
1135. Society
Copy !req
1136. You see, my parents
were sometimes abusive
Copy !req
1137. And it made a prick of me
Copy !req
1138. But I can change, I can change
Copy !req
1139. What if you remain
a sandy little butthole?
Copy !req
1140. Satan, don't be such a twit
Mother Teresa won't have shit on me
Copy !req
1141. Just watch
Just watch me change
Copy !req
1142. Here I go
I'm changing
Copy !req
1143. You see, I've really matured.
Copy !req
1144. - All right.
- All right!
Copy !req
1145. - Come on. We have to hurry.
- I love you.
Copy !req
1146. Ladies and gentlemen
of the American Army,
Copy !req
1147. welcome to the USO show!
Copy !req
1148. Get ready for loads of entertainment
and fabulous celebrities,
Copy !req
1149. followed immediately by the nasty
execution of Terrance and Phillip!
Copy !req
1150. This is the USO show
where those military bitches
Copy !req
1151. intend to kill Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
1152. - Oh, my God!
- God?
Copy !req
1153. He is the biggest bitch of them all.
Copy !req
1154. We have to hurry. We rendezvous
with the other kids at 10:00.
Copy !req
1155. You realize that by doing this,
we could be grounded for two,
Copy !req
1156. perhaps even three weeks.
Copy !req
1157. - We're willing to take that risk.
- Then let's go.
Copy !req
1158. And now, here are your hosts
for the evening,
Copy !req
1159. Sheila Broflovski and Big Gay Al!
Copy !req
1160. Al, tonight is a very special night,
do you know why?
Copy !req
1161. They're having a sale at Merv's?
Copy !req
1162. No, because we're going to abolish
Canadian smut!
Copy !req
1163. That's right, Sheila!
Bring out the condemned!
Copy !req
1164. Today is a great day for democracy!
Copy !req
1165. Phillip, this is worse than that night
I fell asleep
Copy !req
1166. and you put your dick in my mouth
and took a picture!
Copy !req
1167. I know, Terrance. I know.
Copy !req
1168. Well, Sheila,
while you're getting set up over there,
Copy !req
1169. let's bring out our first act,
Yippie the back-fiipping dog!
Copy !req
1170. Be careful not to touch this wire.
Copy !req
1171. Motherfucker...
Copy !req
1172. Fuck...
Copy !req
1173. Shit, the USO show has started!
We are running out of time!
Copy !req
1174. Do you see Terrance and Phillip?
Copy !req
1175. Yes, but they are heavily guarded.
Copy !req
1176. We have to dig from here
so as not to be seen.
Copy !req
1177. Come on, bitches.
Copy !req
1178. Hey, Mole,
do you know where the clitoris is?
Copy !req
1179. - The what?
- The clitoris.
Copy !req
1180. I have to find the clitoris so I can
get this Wendy girl to like me again.
Copy !req
1181. You need to stop thinking
with your dick!
Copy !req
1182. You have to be on your toes
Copy !req
1183. because I am not going to be
grounded again!
Copy !req
1184. Not for you. Not for anybody.
Copy !req
1185. Men, when you're out there
in the battlefield
Copy !req
1186. and you're looking into the beady eyes
of a Canadian
Copy !req
1187. as he charges you with his hockey stick
or whatever he has
Copy !req
1188. and people are dying all around you,
Copy !req
1189. just remember what the M.P.A.A. Says.
Copy !req
1190. "Horrific, deplorable violence is okay,
Copy !req
1191. "as long as people don't say
any naughty words!"
Copy !req
1192. That is what this war is all about!
Copy !req
1193. What?
Copy !req
1194. Shit!
Copy !req
1195. Move, move!
Copy !req
1196. Okay. We will split up here.
Let's synchronize watches.
Copy !req
1197. - We don't have watches.
- You don't have watches?
Copy !req
1198. Dude, you didn't say
anything about watches!
Copy !req
1199. What do you think this is, kid?
Copy !req
1200. TV kiddie-hour where we all sit around
Copy !req
1201. and lick Barney
the dinosaur's fucking pussy, huh?
Copy !req
1202. This is real life, with consequences
you take to the grave!
Copy !req
1203. - Dude, we don't have watches.
- Shit! Did you bring the mirror?
Copy !req
1204. - Got it!
- And the rope?
Copy !req
1205. - Check.
- And the buttfor?
Copy !req
1206. - What's a buttfor?
- For pooping, silly.
Copy !req
1207. Now, listen carefully.
I will dig under the stage,
Copy !req
1208. and with that bedrock,
I will need more time.
Copy !req
1209. Stan and Kyle, get near that stage
and stall the show any way you can.
Copy !req
1210. Do whatever it takes
to keep that show going
Copy !req
1211. - until I get to the prisoners.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1212. Cartman,
over there is the electrical box.
Copy !req
1213. You must sneak over there
and shut it off
Copy !req
1214. before I return with Terrance and Phillip
Copy !req
1215. or the alarms will sound
and I will be attacked by guard dogs.
Copy !req
1216. - Got it?
- Okay.
Copy !req
1217. You must shut off the alarms!
I fucking hate guard dogs!
Copy !req
1218. I heard you the first time,
you British piece of shit.
Copy !req
1219. If anything goes wrong,
make a sound like a dying giraffe.
Copy !req
1220. What's a dying giraffe sound like?
Copy !req
1221. - Okay.
- Let's go.
Copy !req
1222. - Be careful, dude.
- Careful?
Copy !req
1223. Was my mother careful
when she stabbed me in the heart
Copy !req
1224. with a clothes hanger
while I was still in the womb?
Copy !req
1225. Damn, dude. That kid is fucked up.
Copy !req
1226. - How are those chairs coming, Sheila?
- AI, we're minutes away.
Copy !req
1227. Super! In the meantime,
Copy !req
1228. here's pint-size pixie and darling of
the indie movie scene, Winona Ryder!
Copy !req
1229. Hi, guys.
Copy !req
1230. I'm super psyched to be here today.
Copy !req
1231. What you're doing
for our country is so cool.
Copy !req
1232. I mean war, man. Wow. War, you know?
Copy !req
1233. Wow.
Copy !req
1234. Okay! And now for your enjoyment,
here's my famous ping-pong ball trick!
Copy !req
1235. Oh, my!
Copy !req
1236. "Shut off the power, Cartman.
This is very important, Cartman."
Copy !req
1237. Dude, did you hear
what Winona Ryder's doing?
Copy !req
1238. We can't miss this.
Copy !req
1239. There, I didn't miss one!
Copy !req
1240. That's my ping-pong ball trick!
Copy !req
1241. Well, that's all the acts
we have for you tonight,
Copy !req
1242. so let's just get on with the execution!
Copy !req
1243. - Oh, no. We have to stall him.
- More! More!
Copy !req
1244. Yeah, more!
Copy !req
1245. You big sillies!
You want to see more of me?
Copy !req
1246. Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
Copy !req
1247. Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
Copy !req
1248. Well, I do have a little song
I wrote about the war.
Copy !req
1249. But we haven't rehearsed.
Copy !req
1250. - Sing it!
- Yeah, sing it!
Copy !req
1251. - I can't.
- Sing the fucking song!
Copy !req
1252. Well, all right, if you insist,
I'll sing my song.
Copy !req
1253. I believe it goes a little bit like this.
Copy !req
1254. Bombs are fiying
People are dying
Copy !req
1255. Children are crying
Politicians are lying, too
Copy !req
1256. Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling
Copy !req
1257. The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?
Copy !req
1258. I'm super, thanks for asking
Copy !req
1259. All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say
Copy !req
1260. I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
Copy !req
1261. Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
Copy !req
1262. I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple
Copy !req
1263. But I just can't feel too bad
for you right now
Copy !req
1264. Because I'm feeling
so insanely super
Copy !req
1265. That even the fact that you can't walk
can't bring me down
Copy !req
1266. He's super, thanks for asking
Copy !req
1267. All things considered
he couldn't be better, he must say
Copy !req
1268. I'm super
No, nothing bugs me
Copy !req
1269. Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
Copy !req
1270. These little pants
this matching tie that I got at Merv's
Copy !req
1271. I'm super
Copy !req
1272. In the barracks
and the trenches as well
Copy !req
1273. - Stick 'em up!
- Big Gay Al says
Copy !req
1274. - "Do ask, do tell"
- Skittles
Copy !req
1275. Yes, he's super
and he's proud to be gay
Copy !req
1276. Okay?
Copy !req
1277. Everything is super when you're gay
Copy !req
1278. When you're gay!
Copy !req
1279. Again! Again!
Copy !req
1280. Who's there?
Copy !req
1281. Son of a gun! Heck!
Copy !req
1282. They're coming?
Copy !req
1283. But our moms won't listen to us!
Copy !req
1284. Okay, everybody,
just wanna take a minute here
Copy !req
1285. to thank all our wonderful sponsors
we had tonight on this USO show.
Copy !req
1286. He's almost got them.
Copy !req
1287. We are here to rescue you.
Copy !req
1288. After I release you,
follow me through the tunnel.
Copy !req
1289. - You guys! Seriously!
- What, Cartman?
Copy !req
1290. Kenny! I saw Kenny again!
Copy !req
1291. Did you shut the alarm off, Cartman?
Copy !req
1292. Cartman?
Copy !req
1293. Shit!
Copy !req
1294. Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there.
Copy !req
1295. - Shit!
- A spy!
Copy !req
1296. Get him!
Copy !req
1297. Shit! Shit!
Copy !req
1298. Oh, no!
Copy !req
1299. Come on, Mole, come on!
Copy !req
1300. Shit! Shit! Fucking guard dogs! Shit!
Copy !req
1301. The alarms, they went off.
Copy !req
1302. Yeah, that was my bad. Sorry.
Copy !req
1303. Hold me. It's so very cold.
Copy !req
1304. There is no hope now.
You must get out of here.
Copy !req
1305. - We can't leave without you!
- It's okay, I'm done for.
Copy !req
1306. No, we can't leave without you!
We don't know where the hell we are!
Copy !req
1307. Where is your God
when you need him, huh?
Copy !req
1308. Where is your beautiful,
merciful faggot now?
Copy !req
1309. Here I come, God.
Here I come, you fucking rat.
Copy !req
1310. Now the light, she fades
Copy !req
1311. And darkness settles in
Copy !req
1312. But I will find strength
Copy !req
1313. No, Mole. Hang on.
Copy !req
1314. I will find pride within
Copy !req
1315. We'll get you home.
Copy !req
1316. Because although I die
Copy !req
1317. I can't face my mother.
Copy !req
1318. Our freedom will be won
Copy !req
1319. Not alone.
Copy !req
1320. Though I die
Copy !req
1321. La Résistance lives on
Copy !req
1322. Shit!
Copy !req
1323. Okay, folks, here it is,
the moment we've all been waiting for,
Copy !req
1324. the execution!
Copy !req
1325. The day is ours!
Copy !req
1326. Oh, no, dude, it's happening!
Copy !req
1327. We have to tell them
about Saddam Hussein and Satan!
Copy !req
1328. No way, dude!
My mom can't see me here!
Copy !req
1329. Kyle, you have to stand up
to your mother! Come on!
Copy !req
1330. Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
Copy !req
1331. Last words? Let's see. How's aboot...
Copy !req
1332. Get me the fuck out of this chair!
How's that for last words?
Copy !req
1333. All right, anonymous, ready the switch.
Copy !req
1334. - Wait!
- Stanley!
Copy !req
1335. - Eric!
- Kyle!
Copy !req
1336. - Go on, dude, tell her.
- I can't.
Copy !req
1337. You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
Copy !req
1338. If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein
are gonna come take over the world!
Copy !req
1339. Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.
Copy !req
1340. Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous.
Copy !req
1341. Goodbye, bastards!
Copy !req
1342. No!
Copy !req
1343. The Canadians are attacking!
Run for your lives!
Copy !req
1344. Come on.
We have to shut off the power!
Copy !req
1345. Fuck!
Copy !req
1346. Hey, some little fat kid saved us!
Copy !req
1347. Terrance and Phillip, wait!
Copy !req
1348. We have to get you
to the rendezvous point!
Copy !req
1349. Ned, behind you!
Copy !req
1350. Be not afraid.
Copy !req
1351. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1352. - Behold my glory.
- What are you?
Copy !req
1353. I am the clitoris.
Copy !req
1354. The clitoris? I did it! I found the clitoris!
Copy !req
1355. Stan, you must not let
Terrance and Phillip's blood
Copy !req
1356. be spilled on the ground.
Copy !req
1357. Wait! You're supposed to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me.
Copy !req
1358. There are more important matters
right now.
Copy !req
1359. No way, dude! I looked all over for you
Copy !req
1360. and now you have to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me!
Copy !req
1361. Dude, you just have to have
confidence in yourself.
Copy !req
1362. Believe in yourself
and others will believe in you.
Copy !req
1363. Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry!
Copy !req
1364. The clitoris has spoken.
Copy !req
1365. Stan! Stan, are you okay?
Copy !req
1366. I see you failed in your mission.
Copy !req
1367. I should not have sent a boy
to do a mars job.
Copy !req
1368. Come on, everyone,
we've got precious little time.
Copy !req
1369. Die, Canadian, m'kay?
Copy !req
1370. - Did you hear that Terrance? I farted.
- You did? Just now?
Copy !req
1371. Terrance and Phillip!
Copy !req
1372. We have to get them
to the rendezvous point!
Copy !req
1373. Hey, it's Mr. Garrison!
Copy !req
1374. Children, take Mr. Hat.
Copy !req
1375. Please, get him out of here.
Copy !req
1376. Holy shit!
This V-Chip is getting all screwy!
Copy !req
1377. Take cover in the trench!
Copy !req
1378. All right, men! Human Shield up front,
Copy !req
1379. then Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
Copy !req
1380. Remember, Human Shield,
protect our tanks and planes, too!
Copy !req
1381. Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!
Copy !req
1382. Fire on my command!
Copy !req
1383. All right, squad, just like I told you.
Copy !req
1384. One, two...
Copy !req
1385. Yousa people gonna die?
Copy !req
1386. - Fire!
three!
Copy !req
1387. What in the...
Copy !req
1388. - Great plan, Chef!
- Operation Human Shield, my ass!
Copy !req
1389. My God, this is terrible!
Copy !req
1390. This is what we wanted!
Copy !req
1391. We wanted our children to be
brought up in a smut-free environment!
Copy !req
1392. But we didn't want this!
Copy !req
1393. Where are you going?
Copy !req
1394. We're going to find our boys!
Copy !req
1395. For God's sake, Sheila,
we're going to get them killed!
Copy !req
1396. Kyle, all those times I said
you were a big, dumb Jew,
Copy !req
1397. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Copy !req
1398. Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!
Copy !req
1399. No, no, Kyle,
don't be so hard on yourself.
Copy !req
1400. What the hell am I still holding this for?
Copy !req
1401. Mr. Hat! No!
Copy !req
1402. Fuck this, dude. I'm getting out of here
before I get in really big trouble.
Copy !req
1403. - I heard that.
- Stan!
Copy !req
1404. Dude, I found the clitoris,
Copy !req
1405. so now I think I can get Wendy
to like me again.
Copy !req
1406. That's swell, Stan.
Copy !req
1407. Yeah, I guess all's well
that ends well, huh?
Copy !req
1408. We can go home now, you dipshit!
Copy !req
1409. - What's wrong with this thing?
- Come on.
Copy !req
1410. We can't let Terrance and Phillip die
or else the whole world's gonna end!
Copy !req
1411. - Terrance, look!
- There they are!
Copy !req
1412. Phillip, we're done for!
Copy !req
1413. All right, men, fire!
Copy !req
1414. Goodbye, Terrance.
Copy !req
1415. - What is this?
- Don't shoot!
Copy !req
1416. I'll take care of this.
Kids, get out of the way now!
Copy !req
1417. - Kyle!
- I'm not gonna let you kill them, Mom!
Copy !req
1418. What? What? What?
Copy !req
1419. I'm not moving!
Copy !req
1420. Stand down, children.
Copy !req
1421. You can still see fartjokes
on Nickelodeon.
Copy !req
1422. No! This is about more than fartjokes!
Copy !req
1423. This is about freedom of speech,
about censorship and stuff.
Copy !req
1424. What about lke, huh, Mom?
Copy !req
1425. Did you forget that your own
adopted son is Canadian?
Copy !req
1426. I'm doing very important things.
Copy !req
1427. But, Mom, you never took the time
to talk to me.
Copy !req
1428. Whenever I get in trouble,
you go off and blame everybody else,
Copy !req
1429. but I'm the one to blame. Deal with me.
Copy !req
1430. You keep going off
and fighting all these causes,
Copy !req
1431. but I don't want a fighter.
I want my mom.
Copy !req
1432. Poor little fellow.
Copy !req
1433. No!
Copy !req
1434. Terrance!
Copy !req
1435. - Holy shit, dude!
- Young man, you watch your mouth!
Copy !req
1436. My time has come!
Copy !req
1437. You are really fucked now!
Copy !req
1438. It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!
Copy !req
1439. What a dumb-ass!
Copy !req
1440. You have spilled
the blood of the innocent!
Copy !req
1441. Now begins two million years
of darkness!
Copy !req
1442. Good job, Ms. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!
Copy !req
1443. I was just trying to make the world
a better place for children.
Copy !req
1444. Yeah, and you brought
enough intolerance
Copy !req
1445. to the world to allow my coming.
Copy !req
1446. Now, everyone bow down to me!
Copy !req
1447. Bend over!
Copy !req
1448. What have we done?
Copy !req
1449. Saddam, I am the dark ruler, not you.
Copy !req
1450. Relax, bitch.
You're better seen, not heard.
Copy !req
1451. I can't.
Copy !req
1452. Let's start by building a big statue of me
Copy !req
1453. right over there
where that fat kid is standing.
Copy !req
1454. Hey, don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
Copy !req
1455. Yeah, Cartman, do it!
Copy !req
1456. Damn! Shit!
Respect my fucking authority!
Copy !req
1457. Yes!
Copy !req
1458. Hey! You need to
watch your mouth, brat!
Copy !req
1459. Dog shit taco!
Copy !req
1460. Quick, Satan, do something!
Copy !req
1461. Try this on for size.
Copy !req
1462. Blood-drenched
frozen tampon Popsicle!
Copy !req
1463. Hey, buddy, I know I was mean before,
but don't worry, I can change.
Copy !req
1464. Okay.
Copy !req
1465. Not!
Copy !req
1466. Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner,
Copy !req
1467. bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole,
Copy !req
1468. Barbra Streisand!
Copy !req
1469. What are you waiting for, bitch?
Destroy him.
Copy !req
1470. Come on, you weak,
stupid come-bucket! Save me!
Copy !req
1471. That's it!
Copy !req
1472. I have had enough of you!
Copy !req
1473. Hey, guy, relax!
Copy !req
1474. He spent so much time convincing me
I was weak and stupid
Copy !req
1475. that I believed it myself.
Copy !req
1476. I have you to thank, little one.
Copy !req
1477. You showed me
that I had to get away from him.
Copy !req
1478. Just make any wish you want,
and I shall grant it.
Copy !req
1479. - Are you sure, Kenny?
- What did he say?
Copy !req
1480. He said that his wish is for everything
to go back to the way it was
Copy !req
1481. before this horrible war.
Copy !req
1482. Kenny, you realize that means
you'd go back, too?
Copy !req
1483. Very well, then.
I will pull all my minions back.
Copy !req
1484. I guess I'm destined to live in hell.
Alone.
Copy !req
1485. Hello. What's this?
Copy !req
1486. Hi, there, little guy.
Would you like to go to hell with me?
Copy !req
1487. Sure. I bet we could be
best friends, Mr. Satan.
Copy !req
1488. Feel free to come back and visit us
any time you want, Satan.
Copy !req
1489. I just might do that.
Copy !req
1490. Thank you, Kenny.
Copy !req
1491. Yeah, thanks for going
back to hell for us.
Copy !req
1492. You're a real pal.
Copy !req
1493. Goodbye, you guys.
Copy !req
1494. I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?
Copy !req
1495. Wow! We were all dying
and now we're fine!
Copy !req
1496. That's super!
Copy !req
1497. What the fuck's going on?
Copy !req
1498. You see, Mom? After all that,
Copy !req
1499. it was Cartman's filthy fucking mouth
that saved us all.
Copy !req
1500. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention
to you, Kyle.
Copy !req
1501. But, Wendy, what about Gregory?
Copy !req
1502. Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.
Copy !req
1503. - You didn't?
- No, dude. Fuck Gregory!
Copy !req
1504. - Fuck him right in the ear!
- Thank you, clitoris.
Copy !req
1505. Everything worked out
What a happy end
Copy !req
1506. Americans and Canadians
are friends again
Copy !req
1507. So let's all join hands
and knock oppression down
Copy !req
1508. Good Lordy, I'm found
Copy !req
1509. Don't you know our little lives
are now complete?
Copy !req
1510. 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet
Copy !req
1511. Super sweet!
Copy !req
1512. Thank God we live in this quiet
Copy !req
1513. Little, pissant, redneck
Podunk, jerkwater
Copy !req
1514. Greenorn, one-horse
Mudhole, peckerwood
Copy !req
1515. Right-wing, whistle-stop
Hobnail, truck-driving
Copy !req
1516. Old-fashioned, hayseed
Inbred, unkempt
Copy !req
1517. Out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash
Copy !req
1518. Kick-ass, mountain
Copy !req
1519. Town!
Copy !req
1520. Look!
Copy !req
1521. Guys, up there is Hodun.
Copy !req