1. So, I know
what you're thinking.Copy !req
2. Why is that incredibly
handsome hedgehogCopy !req
3. being chased by a madmanCopy !req
4. with a mustache
from the Civil War?Copy !req
5. Well, to be honest,
it feels like I've been
running my whole life.Copy !req
6. Is this too much?
Am I going too fast?Copy !req
7. It's kind of what I do— You know what? Let's back up.Copy !req
8. This is the island
where I'm from.Copy !req
9. It had everything.Copy !req
10. Sandy beaches,
cascading waterfalls,Copy !req
11. public access to loop-de-loops.Copy !req
12. And, I never had
to catch a school busCopy !req
13. because I could run across the entire islandCopy !req
14. in less than two seconds.Copy !req
15. Also, there was no school.Copy !req
16. I know, pretty sweet island, right?Copy !req
17. Yeah!Copy !req
18. I was born with extraordinary powersCopy !req
19. and was told
to keep them secret.Copy !req
20. And like any kid,
I did the exact opposite.Copy !req
21. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
22. That's Longclaw.
She took care of me.Copy !req
23. She was basically
Obi-Wan Kenobi...Copy !req
24. if Obi-Wan Kenobi had a beak and ate mice.Copy !req
25. Sonic, someone
could have seen you.Copy !req
26. No one saw me. I'm too fast!Copy !req
27. And I wanted to bring you this.Copy !req
28. Get down!Copy !req
29. Turns out,
with great powerCopy !req
30. comes great
power-hungry bad guys.Copy !req
31. And I led them right to us.Copy !req
32. Listen carefully, Sonic.Copy !req
33. You have a power unlike
anything I have ever seen.Copy !req
34. And that means someone
will always want it.Copy !req
35. The only way to stay safe
is to stay hidden.Copy !req
36. This world is on the far side
of the universe.Copy !req
37. You should be safe there.Copy !req
38. I don't want to go without you.You must.Copy !req
39. These rings will be your most
important possession.Copy !req
40. If you're ever discovered,
use one.Copy !req
41. Never stop running.Copy !req
42. Now go!Copy !req
43. Longclaw!Copy !req
44. Goodbye, Sonic.Copy !req
45. No!Copy !req
46. No!Copy !req
47. Come on, one car?Copy !req
48. I'm bored.Copy !req
49. Tom, do you read me? Are you there?Copy !req
50. No, Wade, I'm actually
on a yacht in Barbados.Copy !req
51. With Rihanna.Copy !req
52. OMG.Copy !req
53. That's amazing.
Please send pics.Copy !req
54. No, Wade.
I'm at the speed trap.Copy !req
55. Already?
How did you get back so fast?
Barbados is in the ocean!Copy !req
56. Hang on, I think
I got something.Copy !req
57. Hey, buddy! Where's the fire?Copy !req
58. Got kids living around here.Copy !req
59. I thought that was
kind of funny.Copy !req
60. Sorry.Copy !req
61. What?Copy !req
62. Tom, we need you
down on Main Street.Copy !req
63. There's been a violent
gang shoot-out.Copy !req
64. Just kidding.
A duck stole a bagel.Copy !req
65. But they do need it back.Copy !req
66. Whoa, buddy, you almost
got yourself killed out there.Copy !req
67. What are you,
some kind of adrenaline junkie?Copy !req
68. It must be rough
being slow all the time.Copy !req
69. Tell you what.
Today is your lucky day.Copy !req
70. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
71. Have you ever felt so alive?Copy !req
72. This is great.
You're doing amazing.Copy !req
73. Oh, geez!Copy !req
74. Good recovery.Copy !req
75. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
76. Let's keep this
our little secret, okay?Copy !req
77. You never saw me.
I was never here.Copy !req
78. So what
were you expecting?Copy !req
79. A dirty little hedgehog
eating berriesCopy !req
80. and struggling to survive?Copy !req
81. Think again. Because I am living my best life on Earth.Copy !req
82. I've got a library...Copy !req
83. a home gym,Copy !req
84. and a state-of-the-art
security system.Copy !req
85. Oh, no.Copy !req
86. And, if I'm ever discovered,Copy !req
87. I'll follow
Longclaw's instructionsCopy !req
88. and use my rings
to escape to a new planet.Copy !req
89. A nice, safe little world filled only with mushrooms.Copy !req
90. Gross, smelly mushrooms.Copy !req
91. I hate mushrooms.Copy !req
92. But let's not worry
about all that.Copy !req
93. This is Green Hills.Copy !req
94. The greatest place on Earth.Copy !req
95. These are my people and, dare I say,Copy !req
96. I am their lovable space creature.Copy !req
97. So what if they
don't know I exist?Copy !req
98. My favorite person
is the Donut Lord.Copy !req
99. Protector of this townCopy !req
100. and defender of all creatures, big and small.Copy !req
101. Morning.Copy !req
102. Donald. Daisy. Daffy.Copy !req
103. Donut Lord lives
with Pretzel Lady.Copy !req
104. She is super nice to animalsCopy !req
105. and strangely was born
without bones.Copy !req
106. Ouch, ouch, ouch.Copy !req
107. There is one person in townCopy !req
108. who's actually onto me.Copy !req
109. He calls me the blue devil.Copy !req
110. I almost caught him last night.Copy !req
111. Say hello to Crazy Carl.Copy !req
112. We have fun together.Copy !req
113. I know you're out there!Copy !req
114. And I know you're real!Copy !req
115. No, I'm not!Copy !req
116. Movie night is my favorite.Copy !req
117. Please, please,
please, please, please.Copy !req
118. Yes! Keanu!Copy !req
119. You are a national treasure.Copy !req
120. When I find you— Pop quiz, hotshot.Copy !req
121. There's a bomb on a bus.Copy !req
122. "Pop quiz, hotshot."Copy !req
123. It's a classic line.Copy !req
124. Basically,
we're like a family.Copy !req
125. Even though we haven't met yet.Copy !req
126. You don't zink yourCopy !req
127. prolonged isolation is making
you a bit crazy perhaps?Copy !req
128. Crazy? Me?Copy !req
129. No way, Doc.
You got me all wrong.Copy !req
130. And despite all these so-called
friends of yours, deep down...Copy !req
131. you're still rather lonely?Copy !req
132. Perhaps afraid you'll be alone forever?Copy !req
133. Uh-uh. Hey!
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
134. Get out of there. Come on.Copy !req
135. Oh, come on! Get out of there!Copy !req
136. Get out of there,
you trash pandas.Copy !req
137. Maddie, as Green Hills'
most respected veterinarian,Copy !req
138. what is the fastest way
to exterminate a raccoon?Copy !req
139. Hi, Ozzy. Hello!
You're glad to see me.Copy !req
140. You don't eat garbage, do you?Copy !req
141. What's that?Copy !req
142. Is that what I think it is?Uh-huh. Open it.Copy !req
143. Oh, it's kind of small.
Is that bad?Copy !req
144. Just open it.Copy !req
145. "Dear Thomas:Copy !req
146. We have reviewed
your applicationCopy !req
147. to the San Francisco
Police Department,Copy !req
148. and pending
interdepartmental reviewCopy !req
149. and background check,
we are happy to inform youCopy !req
150. that you have been selected
to join our team."Copy !req
151. Oh, my God! Wow.Copy !req
152. Oh, my God.Copy !req
153. Ta-da!Copy !req
154. "San Francisco Sucks."Copy !req
155. Oh!Copy !req
156. Wrong one!Copy !req
157. Ta-da!Copy !req
158. You never had a doubt, huh? No! Mm-mmm.Copy !req
159. I can't believe this. Oh, I know! You did it.Copy !req
160. Hey, what are those?Copy !req
161. Apartments for rent
I found on Zillow.Copy !req
162. I thought Ozzy and I
could fly there tomorrowCopy !req
163. and check out
some neighborhoods.Copy !req
164. I mean,
this is all happening so fast.Copy !req
165. Oh, man...
It's the craziest thing.Copy !req
166. You apply for the job,
you get the job.Copy !req
167. Well, pending
a background check.Copy !req
168. Oh, man.
Hope they don't find out aboutCopy !req
169. that time you used
the neighbor's Wi-Fi.Copy !req
170. I'm still using
the neighbor's Wi-Fi.Copy !req
171. But, Maddie,Copy !req
172. are you sure
you're okay with this?Copy !req
173. Thomas Michael Wachowski,Copy !req
174. what did you do the entire time
I was in veterinary school?Copy !req
175. I worked a second job
to pay the rent and—Copy !req
176. A third job to pay tuition.Copy !req
177. You sacrificed for me.
I'm happy to sacrifice for you.Copy !req
178. Babe, are you sure
you're okay with this?Copy !req
179. I mean, there's been
a Wachowski protecting this townCopy !req
180. for more than 50 years.Copy !req
181. This is a big change.Copy !req
182. I'm positive.Copy !req
183. It's time for this guy to
get out there and prove himself.Copy !req
184. I love Green Hills, but,Copy !req
185. you know, I want to help
people in real trouble.Copy !req
186. I want someone to turn to me
in a life-and-death situationCopy !req
187. and I'll be there for 'em.Copy !req
188. I get it.Copy !req
189. I'm so proud of you. Thank you.Copy !req
190. Mmm!Copy !req
191. And so it is with a heavy heart,Copy !req
192. that I tell you all
that I've accepted a positionCopy !req
193. at the San Francisco
Police Department,Copy !req
194. effective immediately.Copy !req
195. It's gonna be tough
to leave my hometownCopy !req
196. and all my friendships.Copy !req
197. But this is something
I feel like I need to do...Copy !req
198. to grow...Copy !req
199. as both an officer and a man.Copy !req
200. What do you think,
Sergeant Sprinkles?Copy !req
201. That wasn't so bad, right?Copy !req
202. Now all I got to do is...Copy !req
203. tell everyone
who isn't a donut.Copy !req
204. Whoa, the playoffs!Copy !req
205. Oh! So cool.Copy !req
206. Bottom of the ninth,
tie score.Copy !req
207. And exactly who you want
at the plateCopy !req
208. with the game
on the line: Sonic!Copy !req
209. But staring him down
from the pitcher's moundCopy !req
210. is the most fearsome southpaw
in Green Hills:Copy !req
211. Also Sonic.Copy !req
212. Okay. Focus, Sonic.
If you win this game,Copy !req
213. you'll be the most beloved kid
in Green Hills.Copy !req
214. Hit it to the guy in left!
He's a real space case.Copy !req
215. I can't with that guy.Copy !req
216. Hey, batter Sonic.
Hey, batter Sonic.Copy !req
217. "Suh-wing," batter Sonic.Copy !req
218. I got it, I got it, I got it!Copy !req
219. I don't got it.Copy !req
220. Go home! Go home!Copy !req
221. Come on!Copy !req
222. Safe!Copy !req
223. Yes!
Yes, yes, yes, yes! I did it!Copy !req
224. Did you see that?
I did it. I did it.Copy !req
225. I really am alone.Copy !req
226. All alone. Forever.Copy !req
227. I'm sure no one noticed that
giant blue explosion, right?Copy !req
228. Hey, Wade. Hi, Tom.Copy !req
229. Uh, Wade here.Copy !req
230. What is going on?Copy !req
231. Well, gosh,
I think the power's out.Copy !req
232. Yeah, no dur!
The lights are out.Copy !req
233. The whole town is freaking out.Copy !req
234. What should I do? Okay, relax.Copy !req
235. Take a deep breath, call Gil,Copy !req
236. see if they can locate
the downed line, then...Copy !req
237. call Zim and see if he can
get his generator
over to the Super QCopy !req
238. so the food stays... fresh.Copy !req
239. Call Zim before Gil?Copy !req
240. Call Gil— Hello?I'll call you back.Copy !req
241. Wait! Hello? Was that
the end of the instructions?Copy !req
242. Okay, all right.
Uh, you can do this.Copy !req
243. What was the first thing
he said to do?Copy !req
244. Right. Relax.Copy !req
245. Twenty minutes ago,
an energy surgeCopy !req
246. knocked out power across
the entire Pacific Northwest.Copy !req
247. What do we know?Copy !req
248. Well, our first instinct
was it was an EMP.Copy !req
249. But electromagnetic pulses
don't have that kind of power.Copy !req
250. NASA has ruled out
meteor strikes or solar flares.Copy !req
251. The Department of Energy says
it's not a power plant
malfunction.Copy !req
252. Well, sounds like
we're really goodCopy !req
253. at figuring out
what it wasn't.Copy !req
254. This could be a prelude
to a larger attack.Copy !req
255. I'm suggesting we scramble
the Fifth and Sixth Regiment.Copy !req
256. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
257. This needs a much more
sophisticated mind.Copy !req
258. Someone who
understands technology.Copy !req
259. You want to send in a lab rat? Not just any lab rat.Copy !req
260. A lab rat with teeth.Copy !req
261. You're not suggesting
who I think you're suggesting.Copy !req
262. I know,
he's a little weird. Weird?Copy !req
263. No. No way. He's a psychological tire fire!Copy !req
264. But he's also brilliant.
Five PhDs, IQ off the charts.Copy !req
265. And his drone tech
is revolutionary!Copy !req
266. You're sure he can handle this?Copy !req
267. He has a perfect
operations record.Copy !req
268. Remember the coup in Pakistan? No.Copy !req
269. Or the uprising
in Azerbaijanistan?Copy !req
270. That's not even a country. Exactly.Copy !req
271. And you can thank
Robotnik for that.Copy !req
272. I can't believe you're
bringing that freak into this.Copy !req
273. Neither can I, but...Copy !req
274. we have no choice.Copy !req
275. What the...Copy !req
276. Are you in charge here?Copy !req
277. Yes, I am—Nope!Copy !req
278. My—Wrong!Copy !req
279. name—I'm in charge!Copy !req
280. is Major—Me!Copy !req
281. Ben—
I'm in charge.Copy !req
282. You've never seen
anything like this before.Copy !req
283. It says
I'm the top bananaCopy !req
284. in a world full
of hungry
little monkeys.Copy !req
285. Allow me to clarify.Copy !req
286. In a sequentially
ranked hierarchyCopy !req
287. based on level
of critical importance,Copy !req
288. the disparity between us
is too vast to quantify.Copy !req
289. Agent Stone? The Doctor thinks you're basic.Copy !req
290. I'm initiating a sweep sequence.Copy !req
291. Ten miles in every direction
should suffice.Copy !req
292. Is he still looking at me funny? Yes, he is.Copy !req
293. Tell him to stop
or I'll pull up
his search history.Copy !req
294. If you don't stop looking
at the Doctor,Copy !req
295. he'll take a closer look—I'm not deaf.Copy !req
296. And tell him his men
report to me now.Copy !req
297. Blah-blah-blah.Copy !req
298. Excuse me? Listen, pal,
I don't know if you realize—Copy !req
299. I'm sorry, Major.
What was your name?Copy !req
300. Benning—Nobody cares!Copy !req
301. Nobody cares. Listen,
Major Nobody Cares.Copy !req
302. You know why
nobody cares who you are?Copy !req
303. Because nobody cares about
your feeble accomplishments.Copy !req
304. And nobody cares
how proud your mommy isCopy !req
305. that you're now reading
at a third-grade level.Copy !req
306. Mmm. Have you finished Charlotte's Web yet?Copy !req
307. She dies in the end.Copy !req
308. But she leaves
a big creepy egg sac.Copy !req
309. Ah... my babies.Copy !req
310. Whoo! Look what came out
of my egg sac.Copy !req
311. You know what I love
about machines?Copy !req
312. They do what they're told.
They follow their programming.Copy !req
313. They don't need time off
to get drunkCopy !req
314. and put the boat in the water.Copy !req
315. Now you do what you're told.Copy !req
316. Stand over there on the edge
of your personal abyss...Copy !req
317. and watch my machines
do your job.Copy !req
318. Can you feel it, Stone?I can feel it, Doctor.Copy !req
319. It's evolution, Stone.Copy !req
320. It's evolution!Copy !req
321. Agent Stone? Doctor.Copy !req
322. Do you see anything useful
in this image?Copy !req
323. Nothing at all, Doctor. Of course you don't.Copy !req
324. Your eyes weren't
expertly trained to spot tracksCopy !req
325. by the Native-American
Shadow Wolves.Copy !req
326. That's extraordinary.Copy !req
327. No. What's extraordinary is,Copy !req
328. I've determined
the exact height, weightCopy !req
329. and spinal curvature
of this creature,Copy !req
330. and my computer
can't find a single match for itCopy !req
331. anywhere in Earth's
animal kingdom.Copy !req
332. This blackout
was not a terrorist attack,Copy !req
333. and that's no baby bigfoot.Copy !req
334. This guy is something else...Copy !req
335. entirely.Copy !req
336. Divert all search units
to the site of the footprint.Copy !req
337. That's one small step for man,Copy !req
338. one giant leap for me.Copy !req
339. Okay, okay, everything is fine.Copy !req
340. You played some baseball,
got a little upset,Copy !req
341. lightning shot out of your butt,
and now they're coming for you.Copy !req
342. All right, all right.
Earth isn't safe anymore.Copy !req
343. Time for plan B.
Mushroomville.Copy !req
344. But I gotta take my stuff.
Okay, essential items only.Copy !req
345. Okay, toothbrush, toothpaste,
hair gel, night-light.Copy !req
346. Funny hat.
This half-eaten cantaloupe.Copy !req
347. Oh, and my scented candle.Copy !req
348. My entire comic book collection.
Bean bag chair.Copy !req
349. Can a bean bag chair
fit in a backpack?Copy !req
350. No, no, no.
Of course not.
That's stupid.Copy !req
351. Okay, what else? The rings!
The rings, yes, of course.Copy !req
352. Here we go. Ring time.Copy !req
353. Mushroom planet, here I come.Copy !req
354. Oh, no.
They're right outside.Copy !req
355. I gotta go somewhere else.Copy !req
356. Goodbye, cave.Copy !req
357. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
358. Whatcha doing?Copy !req
359. Just coloring
with Jojo and Rachel.Copy !req
360. Ah, that sounds...
half-fun.Copy !req
361. Hey, exciting stuff here.
We had a power outage.Copy !req
362. The whole town went dark.Copy !req
363. It was like a sign telling me
to get out of Dodge.Copy !req
364. Wade must have lost his mind. Yeah.Copy !req
365. And he does not
have much to lose.Copy !req
366. How's your sister?
Did she convince you
to leave me yet?Copy !req
367. No, but she did tell me
to check your phone
for dating apps.Copy !req
368. The only apps on my phone are the ones that came with it.Copy !req
369. And the Olive Garden. Ah.Copy !req
370. Because when you're there... You're family.Copy !req
371. No way.Copy !req
372. The raccoons are back.Copy !req
373. And they are in for a surprise.Copy !req
374. Your surprise better not be
my tranquilizer gun.Copy !req
375. They're just hungry.Copy !req
376. And also, that's for bears.Copy !req
377. Good. Now I know it'll work. Tom!Copy !req
378. I'm kidding. I'm just gonna
use it to scare 'em.Copy !req
379. Possibly to death.Copy !req
380. Love you, honey, bye! Tom—Copy !req
381. D-I-V-O-R-C-E.Copy !req
382. Okay, I'm in.Copy !req
383. With minimal damage
to Donut Lord's property.Copy !req
384. Here we go.Copy !req
385. It didn't work out on Earth,
but that's okay.Copy !req
386. You're going to a safe world.Copy !req
387. A nice, safe world
full of mushrooms.Copy !req
388. Mushrooms that'll be
your only friends.Copy !req
389. That sounds awful.
I can't do this.Copy !req
390. You have to do it.
There's no other option.Copy !req
391. All right.Copy !req
392. SFPD...
pending background check.Copy !req
393. Paws in the air!Copy !req
394. Uh, meow?Copy !req
395. Ow!Copy !req
396. "San... Francisco?"Copy !req
397. No.Copy !req
398. What?Copy !req
399. The blue devil.Copy !req
400. Donut Lord? It can talk.Copy !req
401. You're not...Copy !req
402. You're not here
to abduct me, are you?Copy !req
403. You abducted me.Copy !req
404. Okay, that's a fair point.
What are you?Copy !req
405. Why are you hiding out
in my garage?Copy !req
406. I needed somewhere safe.Copy !req
407. And you're the only person
I could think of, Donut Lord.Copy !req
408. Why do you keep
calling me Donut Lord?Copy !req
409. 'Cause you talk to donuts.Copy !req
410. And then eat them
if they get out of line.Copy !req
411. Again, fair.Copy !req
412. Wait, wait, wait.
Where are all the mushrooms?Copy !req
413. Why am I still on Earth?
What is—Copy !req
414. Oh, no!
I lost my rings.Copy !req
415. What?Copy !req
416. What's happening?
Is this your mother ship?Copy !req
417. I'm not in the mood
to get probed.Copy !req
418. You think you're worried?
I'm not even wearing pants.Copy !req
419. What the...Copy !req
420. They're coming for me! Who's coming for you?Copy !req
421. What's that got to do with me?I don't have time to explain,Copy !req
422. but you have to help me.Copy !req
423. No, I don't. Why?Copy !req
424. Well, my legs,
which normally
would be classifiedCopy !req
425. as lethal weapons,
feel like spaghetti.Copy !req
426. I need your help. Please.
It's life or death.Copy !req
427. Fine. Come with me.Copy !req
428. Uh, little help?Copy !req
429. All right, stay here.
And be quiet.Copy !req
430. Good plan. Great plan!Copy !req
431. We're already working
so well together.Copy !req
432. Practically finishing
each other's sentences.Copy !req
433. Okay, bye.Copy !req
434. Hello there!Copy !req
435. Can I help you?Copy !req
436. Good morning,
my rural chum.Copy !req
437. I'm... from the power company,
investigating the blackout.Copy !req
438. If you don't mind,
I'd like to take a few readingsCopy !req
439. inside your house?Copy !req
440. No kidding?
You're from
the power company?Copy !req
441. Mmm. Oh, you must know
my buddy Spencer.Copy !req
442. We play softball together. Ah! Spence.Copy !req
443. He's a good man.Copy !req
444. Yeah. Come on in! Great.Copy !req
445. Take all the readings you need.Copy !req
446. Except, uh...Copy !req
447. Doesn't the power company
usually take their readings
from outside the house?Copy !req
448. That way they can check them
even if you're not home.Copy !req
449. Also, my buddy Spencer
works for the gas company,Copy !req
450. and he's more of
an Ultimate Frisbee guy.Copy !req
451. So you want to tell me
why you think I'm dumb enoughCopy !req
452. to just let you
walk inside my house?Copy !req
453. I'm sorry, Mister... Wachowski.Copy !req
454. But everyone calls me Tom.Copy !req
455. Except my dentist,
he calls me Tim.Copy !req
456. But it's gone on
for so long nowCopy !req
457. that it would just be weird
if I corrected him.Copy !req
458. Well, Tom, whose-dentist-
calls-him-Tim.Copy !req
459. You may have noticed
that this entire townCopy !req
460. has been experiencing
a power outage.Copy !req
461. Yep, no lights.
Picked up on that.Copy !req
462. Twenty minutes ago,
I tracked an energy pulse
with a similar signatureCopy !req
463. to the one that caused
that disruption.Copy !req
464. Listen, uh, Mister...Copy !req
465. Doctor.Copy !req
466. Dr. Robotnik.
But my dentist calls me Rob.Copy !req
467. Hmm.Copy !req
468. Look, uh, Dr. Robotskeez.Copy !req
469. Um, I'm sure
what you're here for
is very serious,Copy !req
470. but it's got nothing
to do with me.Copy !req
471. You can ask anyone in town.Copy !req
472. Everyone knows me.I bet they do.Copy !req
473. I'm sure you're hella popularCopy !req
474. with the Jebs and Merles
and Billy Bobs,Copy !req
475. in this glorified
gas-station rest stop.Copy !req
476. Betcha go way back
to the days of tippin' cowsCopy !req
477. and playin' in a jug band!Copy !req
478. And maybe someday
you'll achieve your goalCopy !req
479. of getting a Costco card
or adopting a Labradoodle.Copy !req
480. But the reality is,
I surpassedCopy !req
481. everything you're
ever going to do...Copy !req
482. before I was a toddler.Copy !req
483. I was spitting out formulas
while you were
still spitting up formula.Copy !req
484. I was breastfed,
actually.Copy !req
485. Nice.
Rub that in my orphan face.Copy !req
486. Mr. Wachowski,
are you familiar withCopy !req
487. US Code 904,
Title 10, Article 104?Copy !req
488. Yeah, who isn't—"Anyone...Copy !req
489. who attempts to aid an enemy
of the United States
shall suffer death."Copy !req
490. And if I'm the one
that catches you,Copy !req
491. it'll be even worse.Copy !req
492. Worse than death?Copy !req
493. Okay, I'm a ball,
a normal ball.Copy !req
494. I'm blending in like a ball.Copy !req
495. Shh. Stop talking.
No, you stop talking.Copy !req
496. Be quiet, Sonic.
You be quiet, Sonic.Copy !req
497. Oh, I hope they aren't
scanning me with X-rays.Copy !req
498. I had kind of
an embarrassing lunch.Copy !req
499. Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.Copy !req
500. Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.Copy !req
501. I'm freaking out!Copy !req
502. Why don't you have
your staircase carpeted?Copy !req
503. Compared to what I—Copy !req
504. Old pipes. Yeah.Copy !req
505. Probably just
the house settling.Copy !req
506. Nothing to see here!Copy !req
507. Hey!Copy !req
508. Here's the thing.Copy !req
509. I'm never wrong.Copy !req
510. Well, first time
for everything, I guess.Copy !req
511. Would you like some cake?Copy !req
512. I hear raccoons have
the cleanest mouthsCopy !req
513. of any animal that
routinely eats garbage.Copy !req
514. Look at that.Copy !req
515. I was right.Copy !req
516. Note the lack of surprise.Copy !req
517. Shall we try this again?Copy !req
518. I'm going to give you
five seconds
to tell me where it is.Copy !req
519. Five...Copy !req
520. I don't know what
you're talking about.Copy !req
521. Four. Hey, tough guy.
I'm a cop,Copy !req
522. and you're
threatening an officer.Copy !req
523. How can you threaten somebody
who never existed?Copy !req
524. Three...Copy !req
525. Come on!
Rack your brain.Copy !req
526. You might be able to come up
with some lame excuseCopy !req
527. to go on living
in two...Copy !req
528. one.Copy !req
529. Wait! Don't hurt him!Copy !req
530. This feels excessive.Copy !req
531. Stay behind me.Copy !req
532. Hiya!Copy !req
533. Don't worry. I got it
right where I want it!Copy !req
534. Can you believe Amazon
is gonna deliver packages
with these things?Copy !req
535. This was a horrible plan!
What was I thinking?Copy !req
536. I'm gonna puke!Copy !req
537. Come on!
We gotta get out of here.Copy !req
538. Oh, don't tell me
that's all you got!Copy !req
539. I'm just getting started!Copy !req
540. Let me know if you want to go
round two with the blue.Copy !req
541. Doctor! Are you okay?Copy !req
542. I saw a guy race out of here
and thought—Copy !req
543. That you should
stop them?Copy !req
544. Open your mouth...Copy !req
545. and say you thought that you
should stop them.Copy !req
546. No, I thought that maybe
I should checkCopy !req
547. to see if you were okay—Copy !req
548. You know what's hard about being
the smartest person
in the world?Copy !req
549. Everyone else seems stupid. Stupid, yes! Way to go!Copy !req
550. You got that one.Copy !req
551. Whatever this creature is,
it's our job to secure it,Copy !req
552. neutralize it,
uncover the source of its power.Copy !req
553. And if it resists,Copy !req
554. we take it apart...Copy !req
555. piece by piece.Copy !req
556. See what makes it tick.Copy !req
557. Stone? Doctor?Copy !req
558. Call Optical Illusions.Copy !req
559. Tell them I need new frames.Copy !req
560. They know what kind I like.Copy !req
561. Oh, and bring that quill.Copy !req
562. Yes, Doctor.Copy !req
563. All right, pal,Copy !req
564. you need to start talking
right now.Copy !req
565. Who are you? What are you?Copy !req
566. I'm a hedgehog!
I feel like that's obvious.Copy !req
567. And I'm in big trouble. Oh, you're in big trouble?Copy !req
568. You're not the one who punched
some sort of government
weirdo back there.Copy !req
569. You think you have problems?
I lost my rings.Copy !req
570. Rings?
What are you talking about?Copy !req
571. Okay. Rings are how
all advanced culturesCopy !req
572. travel between worlds.Copy !req
573. And now mine are
on top of a pointy buildingCopy !req
574. I've only ever seen
on your skintight T-shirt. Hey.Copy !req
575. So, I'd like you to take me
to San Francisco,Copy !req
576. so I can get back my rings
and use themCopy !req
577. to go to the mushroom planet.Copy !req
578. Mushroom planet. Yes!Copy !req
579. Right.Copy !req
580. Okay, pal, out you go.I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
581. Look, this is
the worst possible timeCopy !req
582. for me to get myself
into trouble, okay?Copy !req
583. You asked me to save your life,
I saved your life.Copy !req
584. Now, please, go find your rings.
And your mushroom land.Copy !req
585. Hopefully I'm gonna wake up
in a hospital bedCopy !req
586. and the doctor's gonna tell me
that my colonoscopyCopy !req
587. was a big success, okay?
So goodbye.Copy !req
588. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye.Copy !req
589. Why aren't you leaving?I don't know where
San Francisco is.Copy !req
590. It's west. West?Copy !req
591. Straight shot, can't miss it.Copy !req
592. Fine. That's cool.Copy !req
593. I'm totally cool
saying goodbye now.Copy !req
594. So, as I crashed into the cold,
dark water of the Pacific,Copy !req
595. I realized a few things.Copy !req
596. A, I have no idea
where I'm going.Copy !req
597. B, saltwater stings.Copy !req
598. C, I shouldn't even be on
this planet right now, but I am.Copy !req
599. Why? Because you shot me!Copy !req
600. I know.You shot me!Copy !req
601. All right, I heard you
the first time.Copy !req
602. You don't have to pile it on.
Good grief.Copy !req
603. I'm wet. I'm cold.Copy !req
604. There's a fish on my head!Copy !req
605. And clearly, I'm not gonna
be able to do this on my own.Copy !req
606. All right,
get in the truck.Copy !req
607. Really? You're gonna help me?Copy !req
608. I guess it is a little bit
my fault that all this
is happening to you.Copy !req
609. Not a little bit. Entirely.
It is entirely your fault.Copy !req
610. Okay, it's entirely my fault.
Are you coming?Copy !req
611. Yes.Copy !req
612. Road trip! Whoop-whoop!Copy !req
613. What am I doing?Copy !req
614. All right, there's
gonna be rules on this trip.Copy !req
615. Number one, do exactly
as I say all the time.Copy !req
616. Got it?Got it, Donut Lord.Copy !req
617. Would you stop
with the "Donut Lord"?Copy !req
618. I have a name. It's Tom.Copy !req
619. I'm Sonic.Copy !req
620. Sonic. Sonic.Copy !req
621. So you've been
spying on us all for years.Copy !req
622. I wouldn't call it "spying."Copy !req
623. We were all just hanging out,
only I wasn't invitedCopy !req
624. and no one knew I was there.Copy !req
625. I can't believe Crazy Carl
was right all this time.Copy !req
626. Yeah. You should call him
Super Observant Carl instead.Copy !req
627. Oh, my God,
stop the car right now! What? What?Copy !req
628. The World's Largest
Rubberband Ball?Copy !req
629. We gotta see it! No. No.Copy !req
630. No, this is not some
fun family road trip, okay?Copy !req
631. The government wants
to dissect you.Copy !req
632. And arrest me. This is serious.Copy !req
633. Eh, you're right, it was lame.Copy !req
634. Gift shop was cool, though.
I got you a mouse pad.Copy !req
635. When are we gonna get there?Copy !req
636. We will get there
when we get there.Copy !req
637. I'm gonna go check in with Wade,
see if he knows what's going on.Copy !req
638. You're gonna see Wade
in that glass thing?Copy !req
639. What is it, a teleportation box?Copy !req
640. It's a pay phone.
It's mostly for drug dealersCopy !req
641. and fugitives from the law,
which is us.Copy !req
642. Stay in the car.
I don't want anybody
seeing you.Copy !req
643. Fine.Copy !req
644. Huh?Copy !req
645. Okay, okay.
That is the coolest
place on Earth,Copy !req
646. but you have to stay in the car.Copy !req
647. Be strong. Be strong.Copy !req
648. Hmm.Copy !req
649. Hello.
Green Hills Police Department.Copy !req
650. Wade, it's me. Hi.Copy !req
651. I'm so glad that you called.Copy !req
652. Uh, so, some guys came in
asking some questions.Copy !req
653. Uh, they're a little creepy.Copy !req
654. Kind of reminded me of
the guys from Men in Black,Copy !req
655. but not as likable
or charming as Will Smith.Copy !req
656. Wait, what kind of questions?Copy !req
657. Um, questions about terrorism?Copy !req
658. I told them that I've gone
ice fishing with Tom.Copy !req
659. He doesn't know how
to make a bomb.Copy !req
660. He can't even
make bait in the cold.Copy !req
661. All right, Wade, listen to me.
This is really important.Copy !req
662. Don't tell them
that we talked, okay?Copy !req
663. You know, I think
they already know.Copy !req
664. Mr. Wachowski.Copy !req
665. Tom.Copy !req
666. I want you to know
that the only other personCopy !req
667. who ever punched me in the face
was the school bully.Copy !req
668. He hit me in the cafeteria,
causing a blunt-force contusionCopy !req
669. to the soft tissue
surrounding my orbital bone.Copy !req
670. Humiliated me in front of
the entire school!Copy !req
671. And do you know
what I did in response?Copy !req
672. Uh, I'm assuming
that you reported him
to the principal's officeCopy !req
673. 'cause that kind of behavior
is really unacceptable.Copy !req
674. No. I examined
the inefficiency of a world
where brawn trumped brainCopy !req
675. and I used technology
to resolve that inefficiency.Copy !req
676. The boy ate his meals
through a straw for a year.Copy !req
677. And I have never
lost a fight again.Copy !req
678. Until today.Copy !req
679. Hey, hooray for me then, huh?Copy !req
680. No, because you're
about to become
the bully with the straw!Copy !req
681. I'm coming for you,
Mr. Wachowski.Copy !req
682. And when I catch you, I'll—Copy !req
683. Hello.Copy !req
684. Hello?Copy !req
685. Hello, hello, hello?Copy !req
686. I think he actually hung up,Copy !req
687. because I notice
that the light isn't on.Copy !req
688. Thank you, Officer Brainfart.Copy !req
689. If you give me a second,
I can get an outside line.Copy !req
690. No. Don't be bothered.Copy !req
691. You just sit there and be "u"...Copy !req
692. 'seless.Copy !req
693. No one's gonna
erase my memory here?Copy !req
694. I will tell people about this!Copy !req
695. Okay, not exactly
the healthiest meal, but...Copy !req
696. Sonic?Copy !req
697. Oh, no.Copy !req
698. No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
699. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
700. Howdy, pardner!Copy !req
701. I'm not your partner.
Come on. We're leaving.Copy !req
702. But there's a ZZ Top cover band.Copy !req
703. You gotta see their beards.Copy !req
704. You're gonna have to
catch 'em some other time.
Let's go. Get up!Copy !req
705. If we stay, I won't say another
word for the rest of the trip,Copy !req
706. starting... now.Copy !req
707. Welcome to the Piston Pit.
What can I get you fellas?Copy !req
708. I want nachos and buffalo wings,
oh, and guac.Copy !req
709. Funny word, isn't it?
Guac, guac! Guac.Copy !req
710. Hey, no kids
allowed in here.Copy !req
711. What's he got on,
some kind of mask?Copy !req
712. Oh, he's actually
43 years old and, um,Copy !req
713. suffers from
a very rare skin diseaseCopy !req
714. that stunts his growth
and makes him look, uh,
like that.Copy !req
715. The face,
I was born with.Copy !req
716. The confidence,
I picked up along the way.Copy !req
717. Make his a Mello Yello, please. Okay.Copy !req
718. You owe me one.I never sat
on a barstool before.Copy !req
719. So squishy!Copy !req
720. Oh, look at this.
It spins.Copy !req
721. Yes. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
722. That's nice.I feel sick.Copy !req
723. Are you having fun?Copy !req
724. Gonna check this off
the ol' bucket list, huh?Copy !req
725. Big night for you. What's a bucket list?Copy !req
726. A bucket list is, uh...Copy !req
727. It's a list of things
you want to do in your lifeCopy !req
728. before you, well,
kick the bucket.Copy !req
729. I've never
kicked a bucket, either!Copy !req
730. Oh, I gotta make my list.Copy !req
731. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
732. Oh, Sonic!Copy !req
733. Uh-huh.Copy !req
734. What? What's the matter?Copy !req
735. There's so much stuff
I've never done.Copy !req
736. And now that I'm
leaving Earth forever,Copy !req
737. I guess I missed my chance.Copy !req
738. Well, I guess
this is the kind of placeCopy !req
739. you could get a lot of living
done in a short period of time.Copy !req
740. I suppose we can spare an hour.Copy !req
741. What? You're gonna
bucket-list with me?Copy !req
742. Sure, why not? You won't regret this.Copy !req
743. Oh, I'm pretty sure I will.Copy !req
744. New high score!Copy !req
745. Yippee-ki-yay!Copy !req
746. Ah-ha!Copy !req
747. Wait a second,
is this bull missing a headCopy !req
748. or does it have two butts?Copy !req
749. This is easy.Copy !req
750. Okay. Ha-ha! Yeehaw!Copy !req
751. I'm a cowboy, baby!Copy !req
752. I'm okay.Copy !req
753. Whoo!Copy !req
754. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
755. Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
756. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.Copy !req
757. Nice work, Romeo.Copy !req
758. Glad you're having a good time.Copy !req
759. I am having a good time!Copy !req
760. I'm having the best time.
I mean, what could go wrong?Copy !req
761. Uh...Copy !req
762. Can we help you?Copy !req
763. We don't like
your kind around here.Copy !req
764. Our kind?
What kind is that?Copy !req
765. Hipsters.Copy !req
766. How dare you. Oh, hey. You know what?Copy !req
767. We were leaving anyway.
Weren't we?Copy !req
768. There's not a problem here.No, no, no, it's okay.Copy !req
769. No, no, no,
we're leaving.Copy !req
770. I know exactly
how to handle this situation.Copy !req
771. Pop quiz, hotshot.Copy !req
772. You just picked a fight with
a poorly disguised hedgehogCopy !req
773. who's seen way too many
action movies.Copy !req
774. What do you do? What do you do?Copy !req
775. Huh. Am I crazy?
It's supposed to break, right?Copy !req
776. Dink! Dink-dink!
Break, please. Break, please.Copy !req
777. Break this bottle, please.Copy !req
778. Please, please, please. Uh, Sonic?Copy !req
779. Uh-oh!Copy !req
780. Oh-ho-ho-ho! Nice going!Copy !req
781. Thanks! It's awesome right?Copy !req
782. All right, who's next?
Who wants some?Copy !req
783. Who do I get to beat up?Copy !req
784. Hey! Has anybody
seen my waitress?Copy !req
785. Still waiting on
those buffalo wings.Copy !req
786. Why, you!Copy !req
787. Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
788. Uh-oh!Copy !req
789. Really?Copy !req
790. Olé!Copy !req
791. So, should we get out of here?Yeah, time to go.Copy !req
792. That was amazing!Copy !req
793. Wait a second.
Did we even pay our tab?Copy !req
794. It doesn't matter!Copy !req
795. Watch this, watch this.
I always wanted to do this.Copy !req
796. Get 'em! See ya, suckers!Copy !req
797. I can't say for sure,
but I think they liked me.Copy !req
798. Come on!
Don't let 'em get away!Copy !req
799. Oh, yes! Yeah!Copy !req
800. Yes! Ouch!Copy !req
801. He got you pretty good.Copy !req
802. I'm all right.
I've been hit harder.Copy !req
803. Did you see how much
toilet paper I used?Copy !req
804. The next person that goes
into that bathroom
will have nothing to wipe with!Copy !req
805. The floors were sticky.
The crowd was rough.Copy !req
806. And the odds
were against us.Copy !req
807. But there was no stopping
Donut Lord and the Blue Blur.Copy !req
808. Scratch another one
off my list.Copy !req
809. You are a weird little dude.Copy !req
810. Mmm.Copy !req
811. Mmm.Copy !req
812. Mmm.Copy !req
813. Mmm.Copy !req
814. Okay.Copy !req
815. So what are we gonna do now?Copy !req
816. I'm gonna pass out watching TV.
I think you should too.Copy !req
817. But this is my
last night on Earth.Copy !req
818. I want to soak up
every last second.Copy !req
819. All right, well, anything you
can find to do in this room,Copy !req
820. you knock yourself out.Copy !req
821. Good times.Copy !req
822. Oh, come on.Copy !req
823. That's awful.
What did you eat?Copy !req
824. I think it's called a chili dog?Copy !req
825. You might want to check
your fur on that one, buddy.Copy !req
826. Hey. So, what's this next planet
you're supposed to go to like?Copy !req
827. It's no Earth,
I can tell you that.Copy !req
828. There's no people,
just breathable airCopy !req
829. and giant mushrooms and stuff.Copy !req
830. Well, look at it this way.Copy !req
831. At least you won't be
the only "fun-guy."Copy !req
832. No. Don't ever do that again.Copy !req
833. I liked it.Copy !req
834. I'm really gonna
miss this place.Copy !req
835. I know I have to
leave Earth to be safe,Copy !req
836. but what if
Longclaw was wrong?Copy !req
837. Maybe I could have a life here.Copy !req
838. All right.
We should get some sleep.Copy !req
839. You sleep.
Don't worry about me.Copy !req
840. I'm gonna stay up all night
enjoying Earth while I can.Copy !req
841. Sure, kid.Copy !req
842. As long as we're
on the road by 8:00.Copy !req
843. I ate a chili dog.
That's why my farts smell.Copy !req
844. Thomas Wachowski, accused of committing an act of domestic terrorism.Copy !req
845. Wachowski is considered
armed and dangerous.Copy !req
846. Any information regarding his whereaboutsCopy !req
847. should be reported to local authorities immediately.Copy !req
848. Did he say where he was going?Copy !req
849. Maybe. Maybe not.Copy !req
850. Like I'd ever tell you.Copy !req
851. Stand down, Agent Stone.Copy !req
852. This well-meaning citizen
obviously doesn't understand
the urgency of the matter.Copy !req
853. Really?Copy !req
854. Now that's
what I call good cop, bad cop.Copy !req
855. Hoy!Copy !req
856. Left yourself open.Copy !req
857. Judging by the quickest route
to San Francisco,Copy !req
858. the approximate
speed of their vehicle,Copy !req
859. and local weather conditions...Copy !req
860. They should be...Copy !req
861. right about...Copy !req
862. here.Copy !req
863. That's brilliant, sir. Thanks...Copy !req
864. for nothing.Copy !req
865. So, what's on your bucket list? Who, me?Copy !req
866. Yeah. Everyone has
a bucket list, right?Copy !req
867. Sure, but...Copy !req
868. I mean, you're the one
leaving Earth, and...Copy !req
869. I'm not planning
on dying anytime soon.Copy !req
870. Don't be so sure.Copy !req
871. Your best friend
is a magnet for danger.Copy !req
872. Are you anointing yourself
as the bestie?Copy !req
873. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
874. A little presumptuous, but...
I mean... What, no...Copy !req
875. I like you, of course, but,Copy !req
876. you know,
we're not best friends.Copy !req
877. You tucked me in last night.Copy !req
878. Fine, fine, fine.
Best animal friend.Copy !req
879. That would be my dog, Ozzy. Okay...Copy !req
880. let's drop
this increasingly humiliating
topic of conversation.Copy !req
881. Bucket list.
Give it to me!Copy !req
882. Okay, there is one thing.Copy !req
883. In Green Hills,
I've always felt,Copy !req
884. I don't know,
more like a babysitter
than a real cop, you know?Copy !req
885. So I want a chance
to prove myself,
under real pressure.Copy !req
886. I'm gonna move to San Francisco,
become a street cop.Copy !req
887. And, I don't know,
see if I have what it takes.Copy !req
888. What?Copy !req
889. Why—
Why is your face doing that?Copy !req
890. You're leaving Green Hills?Copy !req
891. Okay.Copy !req
892. B-B-But why?
Why would you leave Green Hills?Copy !req
893. This may be hard
for you to understand,
but Green Hills is a small town.Copy !req
894. It's a very small town.Copy !req
895. Uh, it's not small.
There are hundreds of people.Copy !req
896. That's a small town, dude!Copy !req
897. It's a perfect town,
and the people need you.Copy !req
898. Please.
I clean out their gutters.Copy !req
899. I jump-start their cars
in the winter.Copy !req
900. They could call anybody
to do that.Copy !req
901. Sure, they can call anybody,
but they don't.Copy !req
902. They call you.Copy !req
903. Eeny, meeny, miny...Copy !req
904. mayhem.Copy !req
905. You're not making any sense. Would you calm down?Copy !req
906. You come from a great town
with great people
and by my count,Copy !req
907. zero bad guys
trying to kill you!Copy !req
908. Besides, what could possibly
be more importantCopy !req
909. than protecting
the people you care about?Copy !req
910. Look, I get your poi—Whoa!Copy !req
911. Yeah!Copy !req
912. You know what?
I was wrong about you.Copy !req
913. You're not
the Donut Lord at all.Copy !req
914. You're more like the Jerk Lord.Copy !req
915. Have you noticed the harpoon
stuck in our dash?Copy !req
916. Sonic!Copy !req
917. I was forced from my home.Copy !req
918. Your home is perfect,
and you're leaving it.Copy !req
919. Why would you do that?Copy !req
920. Your body! Oh, no, not again!Copy !req
921. Hey! Hold on!Copy !req
922. Why? Because I'm gonna do this.Copy !req
923. Sonic!Copy !req
924. Sonic!Copy !req
925. Guess I had a bonus life.Copy !req
926. Oh, yeah, baby!Copy !req
927. Sonic, one. Big Tank, zero.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
928. Did we get that on camera?How are you not dead?Copy !req
929. I have no idea.Copy !req
930. Do you see me dancing? Yes, I saw you dance.Copy !req
931. Is that all you got?Copy !req
932. No, but thank you for asking.Copy !req
933. Uh-oh. Sonic! Get back in the truck!Copy !req
934. You go. I'll catch up.Copy !req
935. Ha!Copy !req
936. I think that tank
just had a baby.Copy !req
937. Incoming!Copy !req
938. It's my turn! You just had one. It's mine!Copy !req
939. Hey, stop fighting
or I'm taking that thing away!Copy !req
940. Yeah, right, Dad.Copy !req
941. Where are you going?Copy !req
942. Just drive the car.
I'll take care of this.Copy !req
943. And if I don't make it,
just ditch me.Copy !req
944. You seem good at that.Copy !req
945. Hey, everyone! Welcome back to my livestream.Copy !req
946. Today we're destroying robots.Copy !req
947. Step one.Copy !req
948. Yes, we did it!Copy !req
949. We did not do it.
Who is this guy?Copy !req
950. Ever wonder where
your tax dollars are going?Copy !req
951. My turn.Copy !req
952. Here, just keep us
going straight.Copy !req
953. I put it in cruise control.Copy !req
954. I feel just like Vin Diesel.Copy !req
955. "It's all about family, Tom."Copy !req
956. Quick suggestion.Copy !req
957. Roll up into a ball
and smash him with your body.Copy !req
958. Whoa! Where'd you
learn how to drive?Copy !req
959. Here. In this truck.
It's happening as we speak.Copy !req
960. I can't reach it.
Bring him in closer.Copy !req
961. What? Bring it in closer!Copy !req
962. Hit the brakes. Oh, you mean this one?Copy !req
963. The other brakes!Copy !req
964. Ha-ha! Whoo!Copy !req
965. Oh!Copy !req
966. Give me a big, fat break!Copy !req
967. Aw, this one is cute.
Let's keep him.Copy !req
968. Aah!Copy !req
969. Oh, come on!Copy !req
970. How could something
so adorable be so terrible?Copy !req
971. You've got car insurance, right?Copy !req
972. Buzz off.Copy !req
973. That doesn't sound good.Copy !req
974. No, beeping is bad.
Get rid of it!I'm trying.Copy !req
975. Throw it out the win—
Throw it anywhere!Copy !req
976. I can't get it off. All right, I'm pulling over.Copy !req
977. Did I get it?Nope.Copy !req
978. Here. Hold still.Copy !req
979. It's going,
it's going...Copy !req
980. It's still here.Copy !req
981. Get off me.Copy !req
982. Ha-ha! Nailed it!Copy !req
983. Sonic!Copy !req
984. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
985. Hey. Come on. You're all right.
Wake up. Wake up.Copy !req
986. Did we get 'em?Copy !req
987. Oh. No, there they are.Copy !req
988. They are real survivors,
those two.Copy !req
989. Can we have a moment?Copy !req
990. Pin yourself
to the wall.Copy !req
991. You know, I won't miss you
when you're gone.Copy !req
992. Human beings are
unreliable and stupid,Copy !req
993. and I care very little
about them.Copy !req
994. But my machines are diligent,
relentless.Copy !req
995. They're everything to me!Copy !req
996. Huh?Copy !req
997. Mmm?Copy !req
998. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
999. You're gonna be all right.
You'll be all right.Copy !req
1000. Is Maddie here?No, no.Copy !req
1001. Not today. Goodbye.It's an emergency!Copy !req
1002. Bye-bye. Rachel, stop! Maddie!Copy !req
1003. Don't do this.
This is important.Copy !req
1004. Oh, my God!
Rachel, let him in.I am calling the police.Copy !req
1005. No, I am calling the FBI.
I am calling the CIA.Copy !req
1006. Stop. Don't do that.I am calling your mother.Copy !req
1007. Okay, got it. Maddie, can we talk?Copy !req
1008. Tom, what's going on?
You're all over the news.
I've been trying to call you.Copy !req
1009. I had to ditch my phone
so they couldn't track me.Copy !req
1010. Ditch his phone?Track you?Copy !req
1011. Uncle Tommy! Jojo! Hey!Copy !req
1012. Now your niece is
an accessory to treason.Copy !req
1013. No, she's not. Calm down.Copy !req
1014. Calm down?
I will not calm down!Copy !req
1015. Enough. Yes, calm down. Stop talking.Copy !req
1016. No. Ozzy, please.
Good to see you too.Copy !req
1017. Oh, little Lord Baby Jesus.Copy !req
1018. What is that, Tom?Copy !req
1019. Is that plutonium?
Is it e-mails?Copy !req
1020. Yes, it's plutonium.Copy !req
1021. Can we please go in
the other room and talk—Copy !req
1022. Stop it, Ozzy. Quit it!Copy !req
1023. This is why I told you
he was no good.Copy !req
1024. I'm not engaging.No, Ozzy, quit it.Copy !req
1025. Ozzy, no! Ozzy, no!Copy !req
1026. Oh, catch me, Jojo.Copy !req
1027. Oh, thank God.Copy !req
1028. Can I get a glass of water?Copy !req
1029. I just thought
you might like a latteCopy !req
1030. with steamed Austrian goat milk.Copy !req
1031. Who do I look like,
an imbecile?Copy !req
1032. Of course I want a latte.
I love the way you make them!Copy !req
1033. Ready the prototype.Copy !req
1034. With this kind of power,Copy !req
1035. my machines can finally reach
their full potential.Copy !req
1036. He's gonna be okay, Jojo.Copy !req
1037. Oh, thank God.
He's gonna be okay, right?Copy !req
1038. I'm a vet, Tom.
I don't even know
what I'm looking at here.Copy !req
1039. He's a hedgehog.
Or so he says.Copy !req
1040. It talks? Almost constantly.Copy !req
1041. Okay.Copy !req
1042. Holy... What?Copy !req
1043. His pulse is super-fast.Copy !req
1044. That actually
might be normal for him.Copy !req
1045. I don't know.
You gotta help him, Maddie.Copy !req
1046. I don't know his physiology.Copy !req
1047. He doesn't seem
to have any broken bones.Copy !req
1048. He's just really banged up.Copy !req
1049. Oh, look at
his poor little feet.Copy !req
1050. Hang in there, buddy.
You're gonna be all right.Copy !req
1051. Jojo?
Untie your mother. Jojo!Copy !req
1052. Untie Mommy.Copy !req
1053. Sweetie. Jojo!Copy !req
1054. I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
1055. He's gonna be okay, right? Uh—Copy !req
1056. He'll snap out of this.
He'll wake up soon?Copy !req
1057. Oh, smelling salts!Copy !req
1058. Don't you have, like,
vet smelling salts,Copy !req
1059. like for cats or parakeets
or something?Copy !req
1060. No. They don't make
cat smelling salts.Copy !req
1061. They should.I have human smelling saltsCopy !req
1062. in my human first aid kit.Copy !req
1063. Okay.Copy !req
1064. Here we go. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
1065. Gotta go fast!Copy !req
1066. Whoa. Where am I? What year is it?Copy !req
1067. Is The Rock president?Copy !req
1068. Whoa, buddy, you're okay.
Calm down.Copy !req
1069. Oh, hi, Pretzel Lady!Copy !req
1070. Hi.Copy !req
1071. Tom? Yeah.Copy !req
1072. Can I talk to you, please?Copy !req
1073. Space hedgehog, stay there.
Try to rest.Copy !req
1074. You got it.
I am great at resting.Copy !req
1075. I rest faster than anybody.Copy !req
1076. Still talking.Copy !req
1077. Uh, first of all,
can we take a momentCopy !req
1078. to acknowledge how
under control I've been?Copy !req
1079. Amazing. Didn't freak out.Copy !req
1080. No. Totally calm.Copy !req
1081. Thank you. Ahh.Copy !req
1082. Second of all...Copy !req
1083. What the heck is going on?
Is that thing an alien?Copy !req
1084. Okay, so, remember
how Crazy Carl is
always going onCopy !req
1085. about the blue devil? The blue devil!Copy !req
1086. That's him? He's real? Yeah.Copy !req
1087. What is he doing here?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
1088. I... kinda sorta...Copy !req
1089. shot our little blue friend
with your tranq gun.Copy !req
1090. No, you did not.I didn't mean to.Copy !req
1091. This is kinda hard
for me to explain.Copy !req
1092. And it's gonna sound
a little bit crazy.Copy !req
1093. He has to get to
the Transamerica building,Copy !req
1094. and I promised
I'd take him.Copy !req
1095. Uh-uh! Aliens?Copy !req
1096. Maddie, your husband's
lost his mind.Copy !req
1097. Use this as an opportunity
to leave him.Copy !req
1098. No one would judge you.Copy !req
1099. So you won't
hurt your feet anymore.Copy !req
1100. Really? Uh-huh.Copy !req
1101. No one's ever
given me a gift before.Copy !req
1102. I gotta check that
off my bucket list.Copy !req
1103. All right! Looking good!Copy !req
1104. Okay.Copy !req
1105. You said you wanted to help
people in real trouble, right?Copy !req
1106. Well, that's what you're doing.Copy !req
1107. Blue alien hedgehogs
still count as people.
Right?Copy !req
1108. I think so too. Yeah.Copy !req
1109. I think. Okay.Copy !req
1110. I love you.
Did I tell you that
already?Copy !req
1111. I don't deserve you.
You know that?Copy !req
1112. I know that.Copy !req
1113. So, you're supposed to be
Tom's best friendCopy !req
1114. that he won't shut up about.Copy !req
1115. Well, I don't see the appeal.Copy !req
1116. Stop!Copy !req
1117. That is very gross.Copy !req
1118. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
1119. So, my truck still runs,
but it's pretty much totaled.Copy !req
1120. You think your sister would
mind if we borrowed her car?Copy !req
1121. You have got to be kidding me!Copy !req
1122. She'll be fine. Yeah, let's do that.Copy !req
1123. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1124. This is my house!Copy !req
1125. Coming through!Copy !req
1126. Whoa, whoa! Now this is my turn,
and I go around you.Copy !req
1127. Sorry! And...Copy !req
1128. perfect park. What are you, crazy?Copy !req
1129. Is there anything
you didn't hit?Copy !req
1130. Why did we let the alien drive?Copy !req
1131. Hey, I got us here.
And please, five stars.Copy !req
1132. So, this is it?That's it. That's your pyramid.Copy !req
1133. Wow, look at that thing!Copy !req
1134. What happens now?Copy !req
1135. Oh. He's... gone. Yep.Copy !req
1136. No good.
You need a special key
to get to the roof.Copy !req
1137. What now?Copy !req
1138. Time for me to abuse
the power entrusted to me.Copy !req
1139. We got a jumper on the roof.
Gotta get up there fastCopy !req
1140. or we're gonna have
a human pancake on our hands.Copy !req
1141. You came all the way
from Montana.Copy !req
1142. Yeah. That's how serious it is.Copy !req
1143. Okay.Copy !req
1144. You just saved a life.Copy !req
1145. How much longer?
I can't breathe in here.Copy !req
1146. Hello?
Anybody there?Copy !req
1147. Do you have your child
in that bag?Copy !req
1148. No.Copy !req
1149. I mean, yes, it's a child,
but it's not mine.Copy !req
1150. It's not your child.Copy !req
1151. Relax.
I'm a cop, okay?Copy !req
1152. Plus, he likes it in there,
don't you, buddy?Copy !req
1153. Why would I
like it in here?Copy !req
1154. This is worse than the dog cage
you had me in earlier.Copy !req
1155. Such a kidder.Copy !req
1156. Okay.No, I'm scared of the dark!Copy !req
1157. Is anybody there?Copy !req
1158. What were you
keeping in this bag?Copy !req
1159. A jar of pickled farts?Copy !req
1160. All right.
What are we looking for?Copy !req
1161. This.Copy !req
1162. Okay.
What happens now?Copy !req
1163. Now all I have to do
is think of where I wantCopy !req
1164. the other end of the ring
to appear, and I throw it.Copy !req
1165. So that's it?
We did it?Copy !req
1166. Yeah. We did it!Copy !req
1167. Hey. Sorry we didn't
get to do everything
on your bucket list, pal.Copy !req
1168. It's okay.
I did the ones
I needed the most.Copy !req
1169. You two are so cute.Copy !req
1170. Oh, please. What? We are not.Copy !req
1171. No.
We're not cute.Copy !req
1172. We are a couple of loose cannons
just living by our own rules.Copy !req
1173. Exactly.Copy !req
1174. Really? Yeah.Copy !req
1175. And our rules include
expressing heartfelt emotions.Copy !req
1176. If you say so.Copy !req
1177. Okay, then. All right.Copy !req
1178. Um, you gotta go, right? Yeah, I gotta go.Copy !req
1179. I gotta go.
We gotta go too.Copy !req
1180. See— All right, bye-bye.Copy !req
1181. Just one more thing.Copy !req
1182. I'm sorry I was so hard on you.Copy !req
1183. I know it's a tough decision
for you to leave Green Hills.Copy !req
1184. Walking away from
something you care aboutCopy !req
1185. has to be painful.Copy !req
1186. You're not sure
you really want to go, huh?Copy !req
1187. I don't want to go,
but I can't stay.Copy !req
1188. As long as I'm here,
I put everyone in danger.Copy !req
1189. I can't do that.Copy !req
1190. I just want you to know that
these last two days have beenCopy !req
1191. the best two days of my life.Copy !req
1192. You know, I never
thought I'd say this,Copy !req
1193. but I'm actually
gonna miss you,
you little blue devil.Copy !req
1194. I'll miss you too,
Donut Lord.Copy !req
1195. Thank you.Copy !req
1196. For what?Copy !req
1197. For saving my life.Copy !req
1198. Okay. Did someone leave
their "Find My Phone" on?Copy !req
1199. Welcome to San Francisco,
Mr. Wachowski.Copy !req
1200. Are you enjoying
the clam chowder?Copy !req
1201. It's the government wack job
who keeps trying to kill us.Copy !req
1202. Unsuccessfully!Copy !req
1203. Nice of you to swing by
on your way to Comic-Con.Copy !req
1204. Yeah,
what are you wearing?Copy !req
1205. It's a flight suit,Copy !req
1206. designed to modulate
my body temperature
and reduce drag.Copy !req
1207. Yeah, and yet
you still are one.Copy !req
1208. Ooh-hoo! Good one.Copy !req
1209. You are catching fire,
Thomas.Copy !req
1210. Oh, and speaking of heat,
I see you've taken a lover.Copy !req
1211. Does she have a nameCopy !req
1212. or should we just call her
"collateral damage"?Copy !req
1213. Hey, watch your mouth.Copy !req
1214. Unless you want a little more
of what I gave you earlier?Copy !req
1215. I punched him
in the face.Copy !req
1216. Oh! He punched him
right in the face!
It was awesome!Copy !req
1217. The time for talking is over!
It's time to push buttons.Copy !req
1218. Your flying eggs are pretty
impressive, Mr. Eggman,Copy !req
1219. but let's face it,
you'll never catch me.Copy !req
1220. Confidence!Copy !req
1221. A fool's substitute
for intelligence.Copy !req
1222. That's not good. Uh...Copy !req
1223. Sonic, I know you got
the super-speed
and everything,Copy !req
1224. but Maddie and I... Totally defenseless?
Probably gonna get blown up?Copy !req
1225. Pretty much, yeah.Copy !req
1226. Don't worry.
I know exactly what to do.Copy !req
1227. I was not expecting that.Copy !req
1228. But I was expecting
not to expect something,
so it doesn't count.Copy !req
1229. Pew, pew-pew-pew,
pew-pew-pew-pew!Copy !req
1230. Oh!Copy !req
1231. Come on!Copy !req
1232. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
1233. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, no!Copy !req
1234. Oh! Hi, Tom.Copy !req
1235. Glad you're here.
Could use some help.Copy !req
1236. Old Bessie's
about to give birth.Copy !req
1237. Give me a minute.Copy !req
1238. Aah.Copy !req
1239. Can I give you one
genius piece of advice?Copy !req
1240. Don't run.Copy !req
1241. It'll only hurt more if you do.Copy !req
1242. And it's bad for your joints.
They've proved it.Copy !req
1243. All right, Eggman.
You wanna get fast?Copy !req
1244. Let's get fast.Copy !req
1245. The hard way it is.Copy !req
1246. That was an illegal left,
by the way.Copy !req
1247. So, here we are again.Copy !req
1248. We've been through
so much together.Copy !req
1249. Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot doctorCopy !req
1250. chasing a supersonic
blue hedgehog.Copy !req
1251. Want to know how it ends?
Yeah, me too.Copy !req
1252. How is this possible?Copy !req
1253. No one's ever
caught up to me before.Copy !req
1254. Coming through!Copy !req
1255. Sacrebleu!Copy !req
1256. Excusez-moi, monsieur!Copy !req
1257. Here we go.
Room to open it up.Copy !req
1258. I can't lose him!Copy !req
1259. If you can't beat 'em,
blind 'em.Copy !req
1260. Lost visual contact.Copy !req
1261. You're not allowed up there!
It's one of the Seven Wonders!Copy !req
1262. Get out of here!Copy !req
1263. You're an astonishing
little creature.Copy !req
1264. It'll be fun to take you
back to the labCopy !req
1265. for a litany of invasive
exploratory procedures.Copy !req
1266. Any last words?Copy !req
1267. Guac. I like that word.Copy !req
1268. I don't have to tell you how
many scientific breakthroughsCopy !req
1269. have been made possible
by animal testing.Copy !req
1270. You're being very selfish.Copy !req
1271. Going my way?Copy !req
1272. What the—Copy !req
1273. Who the hell
do you think you are?Copy !req
1274. I'm the Donut Lord,
you son of a—Copy !req
1275. Autopilot, adjust.Copy !req
1276. Why?Copy !req
1277. Why would you throw
your life away for this thing?Copy !req
1278. That's why I don't have friends.Copy !req
1279. Next thing you know,
you're somebody's best man.Copy !req
1280. They want to have
the wedding out of town.Copy !req
1281. Like nobody has anything
better to do!Copy !req
1282. Anyway, where were we?Copy !req
1283. Oh, yes.
You were about to die.Copy !req
1284. That's our sheriff
you're messing with.Copy !req
1285. And our blue devil...Copy !req
1286. who as everyone can see
is a very real creature,Copy !req
1287. and not at all invented by me.Copy !req
1288. Oh, careful. Just— Just put it away.Copy !req
1289. Tom?Copy !req
1290. I don't mean
to be indelicate here,Copy !req
1291. but someone should get some ice,
keep the body fresh.Copy !req
1292. He's just a silly little alien.Copy !req
1293. He didn't belong here!Copy !req
1294. That little alienCopy !req
1295. knew more about being human
than you ever will.Copy !req
1296. His name was Sonic.Copy !req
1297. This was his home.Copy !req
1298. And he was my friend.Copy !req
1299. He's all yours.Copy !req
1300. Everyone, get back!Copy !req
1301. I think you have something
that belongs to me.Copy !req
1302. Whoa.Copy !req
1303. This is my power.Copy !req
1304. And I'm not using it
to run away anymore.Copy !req
1305. I'm using it
to protect my friends.Copy !req
1306. Ooh! Now you've done it!Copy !req
1307. Guess what, Eggman?Copy !req
1308. I'm not leaving Earth. You are.Copy !req
1309. Donut Lord?Copy !req
1310. I told you, you got this. Hey, we got this.Copy !req
1311. I think these belong to you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1312. No more pushing people
off of buildings.Copy !req
1313. You know
I can't promise that.Copy !req
1314. You did pretty good, space hog. Thanks, Donut Lord.Copy !req
1315. You're gonna have to explain
this "Donut Lord" thing.Copy !req
1316. Nope, sorry. That's for me
and the little guy. Right?Copy !req
1317. We got our thing, you got
your thing with your... sister. Oh, my God, my sister.Copy !req
1318. Gotta go fast. Gotta go fast.
Gotta go fast. Gotta go fast.Copy !req
1319. Jojo, put on my Fitbit...Copy !req
1320. so I can at least
get some steps.Copy !req
1321. We can never go back there.Copy !req
1322. I mean, are we?Copy !req
1323. 'Cause it kind of feels like
we're home right now.Copy !req
1324. Really?Copy !req
1325. I kind of feel like
I checked the "save a life" boxCopy !req
1326. off my bucket list.Copy !req
1327. Now all I want to do
is spend my lifeCopy !req
1328. with the people
I care about.Copy !req
1329. I want to check that box.Copy !req
1330. Okay, I like that.Copy !req
1331. All right, everybody.
Nothing to see here.Copy !req
1332. Let's disperse.Copy !req
1333. Just another ordinary day
in Green Hills.Copy !req
1334. Carl,
I'll take that chain saw.Copy !req
1335. Come on. Let's go!Copy !req
1336. You act like
you've never seen a fightCopy !req
1337. between
an intergalactic space rodent
and a robot with a doctorate.Copy !req
1338. You got enough there?Copy !req
1339. Yes, Mr. Manager. Need any more?Copy !req
1340. You get that away.Copy !req
1341. Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski?Copy !req
1342. Yes?Copy !req
1343. A token of appreciation
from your government,Copy !req
1344. for keeping quiet
about recent incidents,
which never occurred.Copy !req
1345. Wow!Copy !req
1346. Wonder what it is.Money to fix the house?Copy !req
1347. Letter from the President? You'll see.Copy !req
1348. Okay.Copy !req
1349. Olive Garden. Hmm, yeah.Copy !req
1350. The way you said "You'll see"
made me thinkCopy !req
1351. it was something better
than the things we said.Copy !req
1352. Have you tried their
Never Ending Pasta Bowl?Copy !req
1353. It never ends.Copy !req
1354. That sounds... fancy.Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1355. Well, thank you.
We appreciate the gesture.Copy !req
1356. Oh, hey. I guess
we can close the file
on that Robotnik guy, huh?Copy !req
1357. Just disappeared.Copy !req
1358. I'm sorry,Copy !req
1359. but no such person exists
or ever has existed.Copy !req
1360. I wish that were true.Copy !req
1361. You haven't by any chance
been in contactCopy !req
1362. with a certain alien creature
since the incident, have you?Copy !req
1363. Uncle Sam would love
to have a chat with him.Copy !req
1364. Very casual.
Brunch, perhaps.Copy !req
1365. Oh, you mean
the little blue guy.Copy !req
1366. Mmm.No.Copy !req
1367. No, nothing. No.Mm-mmm.Copy !req
1368. Doubt we'll ever
hear from him again.Mm-mmm.Copy !req
1369. Very well.Copy !req
1370. Okay.Copy !req
1371. Thank you. Great.Copy !req
1372. Mmm.Copy !req
1373. Yep.Copy !req
1374. To be honest, I'm pretty
pumped about the pasta bowl.Copy !req
1375. So, do you guys wanna
watch a movie or what?Copy !req
1376. Sorry, buddy,
it's a school night.Copy !req
1377. It's time for you
to go back to your cave.Copy !req
1378. What?
It's 3:00 in the afternoon!Copy !req
1379. You know how you get
when you're tired. Come on.Copy !req
1380. Me? I'm not like anything.Copy !req
1381. You guys are so uncool. Yeah, yeah, we know.Copy !req
1382. Hey, buddy, where you going?Copy !req
1383. You said I have to
go back to my cave.Copy !req
1384. We did.Copy !req
1385. Oh, my— Are you kidding me?Copy !req
1386. I can't believe it.Copy !req
1387. How did you—Copy !req
1388. It's— It's all here.Copy !req
1389. Look at this! Are you kidding?
And the beanbag?Copy !req
1390. No way!
How did you even get this?Copy !req
1391. And you got it
all the way over—
Oh!Copy !req
1392. I love it, I love it,
I love it, I love it!Copy !req
1393. Well, welcome home.Copy !req
1394. Thank you, so much.Copy !req
1395. Oh, no, you don't.Copy !req
1396. No second-best animal friends allowed in my room.Copy !req
1397. Wait. What are you doing?Copy !req
1398. Stay away from me.
Stop it!Copy !req
1399. I'm warning you.
I've got nunchucks!Copy !req
1400. Hey, stop.
Okay, you can stay.Copy !req
1401. My grasp on sanity remains...
absolute.Copy !req
1402. Isn't that right,
Agent Stone?Copy !req
1403. Why don't you get a head start?Copy !req
1404. Do some rock-connaissance.Copy !req
1405. Rock-connaissance!
Come on! That's hilarious!Copy !req
1406. What's the matter with you?Copy !req
1407. Here's the "sitch."
Uninhabited planet.Copy !req
1408. No resources, no supplies,
no apparent way home.Copy !req
1409. A lesser man would die here.Copy !req
1410. I'll be home by Christmas.Copy !req
1411. Rock-connaissance!Copy !req
1412. Come on! Cheer up!Copy !req
1413. If these readings are accurate,
he's here.Copy !req
1414. I found him.Copy !req
1415. I just hope I'm not too late.Copy !req