1. Shut up!Copy !req
2. Consider yourselves warned.Copy !req
3. I was at the mall the other day,Copy !req
4. and this girl was wearing pantsCopy !req
5. that looked like she
literally pooped in them.Copy !req
6. Look at us. We look
like two girls at a club.Copy !req
7. Hey...Copy !req
8. Aw...Copy !req
9. Ah! More videos.Copy !req
10. More videos! More videos!Copy !req
11. What are you waiting for?Copy !req
12. Hey.Copy !req
13. Hello, little guy.Copy !req
14. Cheese mobile! Check it out!Copy !req
15. Lame. Lame. Lame.Copy !req
16. My eyes are, like,Copy !req
17. must be 50 pounds or something, man.Copy !req
18. Whoa!Copy !req
19. That was fake.Copy !req
20. Hey, I apologize. That's
all you can ask for.Copy !req
21. - You suck.
- I apologize!Copy !req
22. Sweet!Copy !req
23. Hey, man.Copy !req
24. Hey, dude.Copy !req
25. Uh, glad you're here 'cause I need a ride.Copy !req
26. Oh, I knew it.Copy !req
27. You can't keep doing this.Copy !req
28. You can't just order a pizzaCopy !req
29. every time you need a ride somewhere, okay?Copy !req
30. Why not? You're already out driving around.Copy !req
31. Plus my mom started charging me for rides.Copy !req
32. - What's the big deal?
- The big deal isCopy !req
33. I'm a working professional nowCopy !req
34. and you need to respect that.Copy !req
35. You deliver pizzas.Copy !req
36. I work in food distributionCopy !req
37. for a multi-million dollar company.Copy !req
38. Where you deliver pizzas.Copy !req
39. Look, I've worked very
hard to turn my life aroundCopy !req
40. in a very short amount of time.Copy !req
41. Unlike you, I moved out
of my parents' house.Copy !req
42. Into my parents' house.Copy !req
43. Hi, boys.Copy !req
44. Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
45. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hecox.Copy !req
46. So will you both be
home for dinner tonight?Copy !req
47. - Yeah.
- I can't.Copy !req
48. I'm fasting to fit my... my
new pair of jeggings I just got.Copy !req
49. - Okay.
- Oh.Copy !req
50. - Yup.
- Bye, Mom and Dad.Copy !req
51. - Uh-huh.
- Bye, Son.Copy !req
52. Bye. Thank you.Copy !req
53. Look, I've got a good job.Copy !req
54. I don't know why you can't see that.Copy !req
55. Would we call it good?Copy !req
56. $25 haircut, dude.Copy !req
57. I used to only ever pay, like, 10.Copy !req
58. My life is like a rocket ship right now...Copy !req
59. going nowhere but up.Copy !req
60. Yeah, I know you better than that, dude.Copy !req
61. You're still the same old AnthonyCopy !req
62. who imagines Stone Cold Steve AustinCopy !req
63. complimenting him in the mirror.Copy !req
64. No, I grew out of talking
to him, like, forever ago.Copy !req
65. You're working too hard, man.Copy !req
66. You're out there
delivering pizzas for, like,Copy !req
67. two hours a day.Copy !req
68. It's high time you did
something for yourself.Copy !req
69. Oh, yeah, like give you a ride somewhere?Copy !req
70. I mean, I wasn't thinking that,
but, that would be great. Yeah.Copy !req
71. Let me guess. You want
to go to the Game Bang.Copy !req
72. All right, there he is.Copy !req
73. That's my boy. Come on.Copy !req
74. Let's do this. Yeah.Copy !req
75. Whoo! Yeah!Copy !req
76. Yo, Anthony.Copy !req
77. You're doing a hell of
job balancing such as busyCopy !req
78. - and complex life.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
79. But you got to start
working your glutes man.Copy !req
80. Looks like a loose lump
of Play-Doh down there.Copy !req
81. - Looks bad.
- Yeah, okay.Copy !req
82. I'll, um, I'll just do
some squats on my way out.Copy !req
83. Thanks.Copy !req
84. That pizza? Yeah, that'll be 10 bucks,Copy !req
85. by the way.Copy !req
86. Oh, dude, that's messed up.Copy !req
87. You're gonna charge your best friend?Copy !req
88. Did Steve Jobs give free iPhones
away to his friends? Nope.Copy !req
89. Um, you're not the CEO of pizza.Copy !req
90. Not yet.Copy !req
91. Look at that dumb car.Copy !req
92. $1.00.Copy !req
93. - That's it?
- Yup.Copy !req
94. I said 10 bucks.Copy !req
95. Well, you know, I'm a cheap ass.Copy !req
96. Ready to get your game bang on? Mm!Copy !req
97. Hey, cool car dickheads.Copy !req
98. Yeah, that is a cool car. You know why?Copy !req
99. 'Cause it gets me this.Copy !req
100. - What?
- That's cold hard cash, son.Copy !req
101. What do you have to show for
what you've done today, punks?Copy !req
102. He just dropped some money on the ground,Copy !req
103. - he doesn't even care.
- Oh.Copy !req
104. - What?
- Really?Copy !req
105. - That's it?
- For real.Copy !req
106. - You see this watch?
- Yeah.Copy !req
107. I won it playing skeeball.Copy !req
108. Jesus, is that real?Copy !req
109. 5 carats, yo.Copy !req
110. No one wears watches anymore.Copy !req
111. Come on, like, all you got
to do is look up at the sun.Copy !req
112. Like, right now, it's, uh, 4:0...Copy !req
113. 5.Copy !req
114. 4:05.Copy !req
115. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Deal with it.Copy !req
116. Loser.Copy !req
117. Uhh!Copy !req
118. Yeah, that's a pole.Copy !req
119. You know, we've been coming to this placeCopy !req
120. since we were, like, eight.Copy !req
121. We should be out doing cooler stuff.Copy !req
122. - Like what?
- Like meeting girls.Copy !req
123. Like other stuff people
do that are our age.Copy !req
124. Um, no can do.Copy !req
125. I'm kind of seeing someone.Copy !req
126. Uh, no you're not.Copy !req
127. You leave creepy comments
on a YouTube videoCopy !req
128. of a hot girl getting her butt massaged.Copy !req
129. That's, uh, that's not the
same thing as seeing someone.Copy !req
130. Do I see her?Copy !req
131. Look, you never even talk to her.Copy !req
132. She's flagged every
single one of my comments.Copy !req
133. Yeah, for being a perv.Copy !req
134. No, man. She's just playing hard to get.Copy !req
135. Dude, look what it is.Copy !req
136. Magic Pocket Slave
Monsters. Come on.Copy !req
137. Dude, I can't believe they got this thing.Copy !req
138. - Do you remember this?
- Yellow rat.Copy !req
139. I choose you against your will.Copy !req
140. Ah!Copy !req
141. Now get out there and murder your friends.Copy !req
142. Ah!Copy !req
143. Oh, it's a lot more
violent than I remember.Copy !req
144. What? No, dude, it was always like this.Copy !req
145. How lame.Copy !req
146. Stop! Stop! Please.Copy !req
147. - Come on, man.
- What?Copy !req
148. - Dude, this was our jam.
- What?Copy !req
149. We used to love the game and the TV showsCopy !req
150. and the erotic fan fiction.Copy !req
151. - Oh, yeah.
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
152. That was a long time ago, Ian.Copy !req
153. Not really into that kind of stuff anymore.Copy !req
154. Losers.Copy !req
155. Come on! Did you see those girls?Copy !req
156. Come on, dude. You loved it.Copy !req
157. I'm worried about you, man.Copy !req
158. I don't think you're
living in the real world.Copy !req
159. The real world sucks.Copy !req
160. The real world is actually pretty amazing.Copy !req
161. So, the kids that are
probably taking a dumpCopy !req
162. on the cheese mobile, they're amazing?Copy !req
163. And what about all the
girls that are walking aroundCopy !req
164. that aren't talking to
you? Are they amazing?Copy !req
165. And these girls would talk to
me if you weren't here dancingCopy !req
166. to the theme song from Magic
Pocket Slave Monsters.Copy !req
167. Then who wants them?Copy !req
168. I do!Copy !req
169. Look, I got to go. My ten minutes are up.Copy !req
170. - I'm still on the clock.
- What?Copy !req
171. - Have fun.
- Wait.Copy !req
172. Dude, how am I supposed to get home?Copy !req
173. Sorry, one of us has a job here.Copy !req
174. Just take a cab or something.
I'll be home after my shift.Copy !req
175. Do it, do it!Copy !req
176. Do it! Do it!Copy !req
177. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!Copy !req
178. Hey, get off my cheese mobile.Copy !req
179. Run!Copy !req
180. Oh, my God.Copy !req
181. Yeah, get out of here.Copy !req
182. Punks.Copy !req
183. Do you have a name for your butt?Copy !req
184. May I suggest, "Perfect"?Copy !req
185. Hey, Ian?Copy !req
186. You've been seeing that
girl for a few months now.Copy !req
187. When do we get to meet her?Copy !req
188. I don't know, Mom. We're
not rushing into anything.Copy !req
189. - Bye.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
190. - Bye.
- She seems lovely.Copy !req
191. She's amazing.Copy !req
192. Son...Copy !req
193. just... make sure she's not a dude.Copy !req
194. Unless you're into that sort of thing.Copy !req
195. In which case, it's totally cool.Copy !req
196. Okay.Copy !req
197. Great talk, Dad.Copy !req
198. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
199. Hey, I, uh... We haven't gotten our mailCopy !req
200. in, like, three months. What gives?Copy !req
201. Yeah, you might want to ask
your little friend about that.Copy !req
202. - Who Ian?
- The bowl-headed idiotCopy !req
203. with the face you just want to punch?Copy !req
204. - Yeah. Ian.
- Yeah, I'm done delivering mailCopy !req
205. to this house.Copy !req
206. You want your mail? Oh, you want your mail.Copy !req
207. - Okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
208. Let me get you your mail.Copy !req
209. Here's your mail. You want your mail?Copy !req
210. - Oh!
- There's your mail.Copy !req
211. You must want your package, too.Copy !req
212. Here's your package.Copy !req
213. From now on, you get your
mail at the post office.Copy !req
214. Hey, what did you do to the mailman?Copy !req
215. Nothing. Why?Copy !req
216. You know what you did.Copy !req
217. Seriously, man? Butt Massage Girl again?Copy !req
218. She's my girlfriend and
she has a name, you know.Copy !req
219. Oh, really? What is it?Copy !req
220. I don't know, but I'm sure she has one.Copy !req
221. You know nothing about that girl.Copy !req
222. Uh, she likes butt massages. I know that.Copy !req
223. What does her face look like?Copy !req
224. Like a butt. I think.Copy !req
225. Look, it doesn't matter. We're a thing.Copy !req
226. Sure, our love is maybe a little
unconventional, but it's real.Copy !req
227. Nice!Copy !req
228. She really cares about me.Copy !req
229. Dude, we got some letters here.Copy !req
230. If it's from my grandma, check for Anthrax.Copy !req
231. Dude, we got an invite to our
five-year high school reunion.Copy !req
232. Really?Copy !req
233. When is it?Copy !req
234. It is...Copy !req
235. tonight.Copy !req
236. Cool.Copy !req
237. You do realize what this means, right?Copy !req
238. Free tacos?Copy !req
239. Yeah, free tacos, but more importantly...Copy !req
240. Anna Reed's probably gonna be there.Copy !req
241. Ugh, Anna Reed? What is it
with you and this girl, man?Copy !req
242. All right, fine.Copy !req
243. Get it over with.Copy !req
244. All throughout high school,
Anna Reed was the only girlCopy !req
245. I'd dream about.Copy !req
246. She was the girl of my dreams.Copy !req
247. They'll buff our feet.
It's gonna be awesome.Copy !req
248. You know, I was so awkward back thenCopy !req
249. I didn't know how to talk to girls.Copy !req
250. Anthony.Copy !req
251. Bye.Copy !req
252. Hey.Copy !req
253. Hi... hey...Copy !req
254. What's up?Copy !req
255. So, um, this weekend,
I'm doing the MoonwalkCopy !req
256. for Ring Finger Largeasia.Copy !req
257. I'm moonwalking 37 miles to
raise awareness for peopleCopy !req
258. whose ring finger is longer
than their pointer finger.Copy !req
259. It's a very important cause
and one that's dear to my heart,Copy !req
260. because, see, my Uncle
Keith, he died of it.Copy !req
261. Jesus, that's...Copy !req
262. I'm really sorry for your loss.Copy !req
263. Would you wanna sponsor me?Copy !req
264. Uh, um...Copy !req
265. I mean, if you can't because of the money,Copy !req
266. that's totally fine.Copy !req
267. No, no, I have a ton of money.Copy !req
268. Oh, great!Copy !req
269. Actually, that's a lie. I don't...Copy !req
270. I only have 5 bucks and
that's my porn money...Copy !req
271. corn money!Copy !req
272. That's my corn money.Copy !req
273. Oh, well, that's okay.Copy !req
274. Um, maybe you could just join meCopy !req
275. and we could moonwalk together.Copy !req
276. I could use the moral support.Copy !req
277. It's probably gonna take
me a couple of weeks.Copy !req
278. 37 miles, you said?Copy !req
279. 37.4Copy !req
280. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do it.Copy !req
281. You will?Copy !req
282. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Amazing!Copy !req
283. Cool.Copy !req
284. - Whoa!
- Oh!Copy !req
285. Dude, seriously?Copy !req
286. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
287. Then you wussed out and you
never showed up to the Moonwalk.Copy !req
288. Dude, I've heard this
story a million times.Copy !req
289. What's your point?Copy !req
290. That this reunion is
the perfect opportunityCopy !req
291. to make Anna forget about how big of losersCopy !req
292. we used to be, you know,
show her how cool we are now?Copy !req
293. Are we cooler now than
we were in high school?Copy !req
294. Uh, $25 haircut, dude.Copy !req
295. Here, I need to check the reunion pageCopy !req
296. to see if Anna's going.Copy !req
297. It says to dress for mall.Copy !req
298. We dress for the mall every day.Copy !req
299. No, it's saying "dress formal."Copy !req
300. It means we have to rent tuxedos.Copy !req
301. Yeah, I know that.Copy !req
302. Oh, well, guess she's not going.Copy !req
303. So, about the tux rentals, we
should probably get on that.Copy !req
304. It doesn't say that, okay?Copy !req
305. She's going. She just hasn't replied yet.Copy !req
306. Okay? I can feel it.Copy !req
307. Look, someone posted a video on here.Copy !req
308. Have you thought about
life insurance lately?Copy !req
309. Because here at All-Chafe,Copy !req
310. we want to protect your family
from your impending death.Copy !req
311. Ugh, I hate advertisements. Skip it.Copy !req
312. If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,Copy !req
313. there's a good chance your
entire family will be deadCopy !req
314. by next week.Copy !req
315. Buffering?Copy !req
316. That still exists?Copy !req
317. Everybody put your hands together.Copy !req
318. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
319. Is Magic Pocket Slave
Monsters the best song ever?Copy !req
320. Dude, that's you. Cool!Copy !req
321. Anna Reed, get up here,
get up here, Anna Reed.Copy !req
322. Right there. I really want you to see this.Copy !req
323. Hit it, Mr. Ellis!Copy !req
324. Dude, that's awesome, you're...Copy !req
325. You're, like, doing
flips and stuff, kind of.Copy !req
326. Whoa!Copy !req
327. My butt!Copy !req
328. Oh, no. God, I can't believeCopy !req
329. this is happening to me right now.Copy !req
330. Well, I mean, it's not
happening to you right now.Copy !req
331. It happened five years ago.Copy !req
332. Look at the views. There's 301 views.Copy !req
333. That's like the entire attendanceCopy !req
334. of a football stadium.Copy !req
335. You know, in a small town
with a high school teamCopy !req
336. whose record is, like, five and five,Copy !req
337. and they're not terrible,
but they're not great,Copy !req
338. and they're losing a lot of close games...Copy !req
339. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it.Copy !req
340. If Anna sees this video,
it's gonna remind herCopy !req
341. about how much of a loser I used to be.Copy !req
342. And the fact that I'm
super-cool now won't even matter.Copy !req
343. I can't go to this reunion now.Copy !req
344. I have to stay here at home
and never know if kissing AnnaCopy !req
345. really feels like licking a wet donut.Copy !req
346. All right, dude, if you
don't go, I don't go.Copy !req
347. Mostly 'cause I don't have a car.Copy !req
348. And will it hurt to miss out on free tacos?Copy !req
349. Sure it will.Copy !req
350. Like a son of a bitch.Copy !req
351. But you're my best friend,
and I got your back.Copy !req
352. - Thanks.
- Okay, we're not giving up yet.Copy !req
353. Anna Reed hasn't replied
to the invite yet, right?Copy !req
354. So, she probably hasn't been to the page.Copy !req
355. She probably hasn't even seen the video.Copy !req
356. You're right. So all we have to do is...Copy !req
357. - Is go to the reunion.
- go and get the video removedCopy !req
358. from YouTube before Anna sees the video.Copy !req
359. What?Copy !req
360. Thank you for calling
YouTube. This is Stephanie.Copy !req
361. How may I direct your call?Copy !req
362. Hi, Stephanie. My name is Anthony Padilla,Copy !req
363. and I have a very important
issue I'd like your help with.Copy !req
364. I need a video removed and
never shown on your websiteCopy !req
365. ever again.Copy !req
366. Okay. Are you a rich
and powerful corporationCopy !req
367. that can threaten us with legal action?Copy !req
368. - No.
- Then I can't help you.Copy !req
369. Good-bye.Copy !req
370. Didn't work.Copy !req
371. Well, that doesn't really matter, dude.Copy !req
372. The video's awesome.Copy !req
373. It won't be awesome when Anna sees it.Copy !req
374. I think I have an idea.Copy !req
375. This is never gonna work.Copy !req
376. If you want something done right,Copy !req
377. you just talk to the right people.Copy !req
378. And you got to look them
dead in the eye and beg.Copy !req
379. Hey, do me a favor, let
me do all the talking.Copy !req
380. Okay? Your people skills are terrible.Copy !req
381. What are you talking about?
I have amazing people skillsCopy !req
382. Oh, let me get that.Copy !req
383. Ah!Copy !req
384. - Oh!
- Ah! Aah!Copy !req
385. I am so glad that happened.Copy !req
386. That was the funniest
thing I've seen all day.Copy !req
387. Good day, sir. Good day, sir.Copy !req
388. I did that. I did that.Copy !req
389. Hi there, darling.Copy !req
390. I am a very important, big,
rich CEO of a powerful company.Copy !req
391. And I am his boss.Copy !req
392. Well, now, Ian, a CEOCopy !req
393. does not have a boss, okay?Copy !req
394. I beg to differ, Anthony,
because I am the CFOCopy !req
395. and that's one letter higher than CEO.Copy !req
396. Well, Ian, you must've misheard me,Copy !req
397. because I'm actually the CEOO,Copy !req
398. which has one more letter,
so it's more important.Copy !req
399. Hey! It's you.Copy !req
400. I know you.Copy !req
401. You're the kid from that crazy videoCopy !req
402. You're the Backflip Microphone Guy!Copy !req
403. It's the guy! This guy. You know it.Copy !req
404. She got it. She knows what it is.Copy !req
405. Okay, that's actually why we're here.Copy !req
406. Okay, I have a question for you.Copy !req
407. When you regained consciousness,Copy !req
408. and you fell off the stage
and you landed on the mic,Copy !req
409. did the whole thing go up your ass?Copy !req
410. Or was it some sort of, like,
special effects wizardry?Copy !req
411. Okay, can we just keep it down, please?Copy !req
412. Okay, 'cause I was watching
with my husband... Sorry, taken.Copy !req
413. And he was like, "Where'd
the microphone go?"Copy !req
414. And I was like, "I think
it's in that boy's ass."Copy !req
415. Okay, that's enough, okay?Copy !req
416. You will not take that tone with me.Copy !req
417. You're right. I'm sorry.Copy !req
418. Okay? It's just that my friend and ICopy !req
419. have a very important
issue we need to discuss.Copy !req
420. It's a matter we'd like to take up directlyCopy !req
421. with the CEO of this establishment,Copy !req
422. if you don't mind.Copy !req
423. So, is Mr. YouTube available
to see us right now?Copy !req
424. Mr. YouTube?Copy !req
425. Yup, we're going straight to the top.Copy !req
426. Okay, first of all, the CEO of YouTubeCopy !req
427. is not just gonna sit downCopy !req
428. with two random guys off the street.Copy !req
429. And even if he did, I'm pretty sureCopy !req
430. the guy's name is not "Mr. YouTube."Copy !req
431. Mr. YouTube will see you now.Copy !req
432. His office is just at
the end of that hallway.Copy !req
433. Really?Copy !req
434. I don't care what Billy Snapchat says.Copy !req
435. Billy Snapchat is a little bitch.Copy !req
436. I'm Steve YouTube. What I say goes.Copy !req
437. No, I had lunch with Sally InstagramCopy !req
438. three days ago.Copy !req
439. She and Roger Facebook are in.Copy !req
440. Now, if you don't want
to get on board with this,Copy !req
441. then you are a stupid jerk idiot.Copy !req
442. Sorry for the French.
All right, I got to go.Copy !req
443. I've got two random guys in my officeCopy !req
444. I've never met before, and
they need something from me.Copy !req
445. And I can't keep them waiting.Copy !req
446. Good-bye.
Good-bye!Copy !req
447. Sorry about that.Copy !req
448. That was Ted Google.Copy !req
449. Guy's been a pain in my butt
ever since he bought my company.Copy !req
450. Hi. Steve YouTube. Pleasure to meet you.Copy !req
451. - Hi.
- I don't touch. I don't touch.Copy !req
452. I'm Ian and this is...Copy !req
453. Backflip Microphone Guy!Copy !req
454. Dude, that is one of my
all-time favorite videos.Copy !req
455. What can I do for you guys?Copy !req
456. Well, Mr. YouTube...Copy !req
457. Oh, no, no, no. Please.Copy !req
458. Call me Steve. YouTube.
Call me Steve YouTube.Copy !req
459. Okay. So, Steve YouTube,
I need that thing...Copy !req
460. - Awesome video.
- Shh.Copy !req
461. I need that thing that you mentioned...Copy !req
462. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the video.Copy !req
463. - Hilarious, right?
- Hilarious.Copy !req
464. Shut... uuuup.Copy !req
465. Okay, so, yeah, I need that video removedCopy !req
466. from your website, please.Copy !req
467. Ah, yes, yeah.Copy !req
468. I got to be honest with you guys.Copy !req
469. This thing... this kind
of thing happens moreCopy !req
470. than you would imagine.Copy !req
471. Not the microphone thing.Copy !req
472. But the embarrassment thing.Copy !req
473. And here's the problem.Copy !req
474. Once a video is uploaded to the
Internet, it's there forever.Copy !req
475. Your best bet is to actually
go into YouTube itselfCopy !req
476. and change the video from the inside.Copy !req
477. So you mean, like, go into YouTube,Copy !req
478. like, Tron-style?Copy !req
479. No, you're messing with us, right?Copy !req
480. - There's... you... what is this?
- Yeah, that's not...Copy !req
481. - That's not possible.
- That doesn't sound possible.Copy !req
482. Hey, guys, I'm Steve Friggin' YouTube.Copy !req
483. If I say you can get up inside YouTube,Copy !req
484. then you can get up inside YouTube.Copy !req
485. I did not mean for that to
sound sexual. I apologize.Copy !req
486. What I should have said is, if
you wanna penetrate YouTube...Copy !req
487. That was worse. You know what?Copy !req
488. Forget it. My point is this.Copy !req
489. I have to do this kind of
thing for people all the time.Copy !req
490. You guys remember Gangnam style?Copy !req
491. Do you remember that video by that...Copy !req
492. I think it was a Puerto Rican guy?Copy !req
493. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
494. Well, you think Psy nailed
that video on the first take?Copy !req
495. Nope. I actually think I have
the original video right here.Copy !req
496. Check it out.Copy !req
497. It's so bad.Copy !req
498. Right? I mean, there's
not even a dancing horse.Copy !req
499. How hard is it to get a horse to dance?Copy !req
500. Probably not that hard.Copy !req
501. It's very hard.Copy !req
502. No, no, no, this is
perfect. This is perfect.Copy !req
503. So how do we, uh, get inside
YouTube to fix our video?Copy !req
504. Great question. Simple answer.Copy !req
505. There's actually a portal
right under my desk.Copy !req
506. - A portal?
- That doesn't sound right.Copy !req
507. This, um, this doesn't seem safe.Copy !req
508. Guys, it's me, Steve, YouTube.Copy !req
509. Steve YouTube.Copy !req
510. If I say there's a portal under my deskCopy !req
511. that will get you into YouTube,Copy !req
512. there's a portal under my desk.Copy !req
513. It just kind of seems like, you
know, we might crawl down there,Copy !req
514. and you might have your
wiener out or, some...Copy !req
515. - Excuse me?
- Definitely your wiener.Copy !req
516. Excuse me.Copy !req
517. I don't know what kind of
meeting you thought this was.Copy !req
518. Frankly, I find that suggestion offensive.Copy !req
519. I'm Steve YouTube. I created all of this.Copy !req
520. You think I would jeopardize
that by putting my,Copy !req
521. what did you say, "wiener" out?Copy !req
522. I don't think so. Now, look, I'm very busy.Copy !req
523. You guys can see yourselves
out. If you don't wanna changeCopy !req
524. the video, you don't
wanna change the video.Copy !req
525. Janice, get me Bethany
MySpace on the phone, please.Copy !req
526. No, no, no I... It's
cool. We're gonna do it.Copy !req
527. We're gonna change our video.Copy !req
528. - Yeah, just crawl...
- Really?Copy !req
529. - All right.
- Yeah, go right aroundCopy !req
530. - the desk and crawl under.
- Let's do it, man.Copy !req
531. And go to the portal.Copy !req
532. - Whoa!
- Oh my...Copy !req
533. - What?
- Dude!Copy !req
534. That!Copy !req
535. - Damn it! Put it away!
- Oh! That's not...Copy !req
536. You thought there was
a portal under my desk,Copy !req
537. and you saw my wiener.Copy !req
538. That is the best joke ever.Copy !req
539. So there's no portal, then.
You're just messing with us.Copy !req
540. Of course there's a portal.Copy !req
541. But it's not under my desk, you morons.Copy !req
542. It's behind my closet door.Copy !req
543. - Go on.
- Okay.Copy !req
544. Yeah, it's just right there. Go on in.Copy !req
545. Um, yeah, this doesn't
feel very safe either.Copy !req
546. Guys, I had my fun,
okay, but fun time's over.Copy !req
547. Not everything in life is a wiener joke.Copy !req
548. Holy shit!Copy !req
549. - Whoo!
- Whoa!Copy !req
550. Take these.Copy !req
551. What do we do with these?Copy !req
552. Gentlemen, meet Diri.Copy !req
553. She'll be your guide
once you're on the inside.Copy !req
554. Hello, Ian. Hello Anthony.Copy !req
555. I hope I can be of service to you both.Copy !req
556. Wait, her name is "Diri"?Copy !req
557. That's right. She's a
personal assistant software.Copy !req
558. - So she's like Siri?
- Hey. Hey.Copy !req
559. We don't draw that comparison here.Copy !req
560. - You understand me?
- It's just that...Copy !req
561. Hey, Bieber, you understand me?Copy !req
562. Diri and Siri, it's kind of...Copy !req
563. It's... it does kind of sound similar.Copy !req
564. People are gonna draw the conclusions.Copy !req
565. - It sounds...
- I'm gonna have my R&D teamCopy !req
566. take a look at that. Now listen to me.Copy !req
567. Diri is gonna be your guide
once you get through that portal.Copy !req
568. Anyplace you need to go, you tell Diri,Copy !req
569. she will take you there.Copy !req
570. Like, Siri.Copy !req
571. Okay. Cool. Cool-cool.Copy !req
572. All right. Safe travels, gentlemen.Copy !req
573. You sure you want to do this?Copy !req
574. Yeah. If I don't do this,
I'll never be anything to Anna.Copy !req
575. All right. I'm with you.Copy !req
576. - Ready?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
577. - B.
- F.Copy !req
578. F. Let's go.Copy !req
579. Let's do it.Copy !req
580. - Ready?
- Yeah.Copy !req
581. - Let's do this.
- You first.Copy !req
582. Good luck!Copy !req
583. What the hell is this, dude?Copy !req
584. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
585. Oh, man.Copy !req
586. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
587. Look out below!Copy !req
588. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
589. Did we do it?Copy !req
590. Are we in YouTube?Copy !req
591. I don't know. It doesn't
really feel like YouTube.Copy !req
592. Have you thought about
life insurance lately?Copy !req
593. 'Cause here at All-Chafe,Copy !req
594. we wanna protect your family
from your impending death.Copy !req
595. Yup, we're definitely in YouTube.Copy !req
596. It's this friggin' advertisement.Copy !req
597. If you don't buy All-Chafe Insurance,Copy !req
598. - there's a good chance...
- Diri,Copy !req
599. can we skip this ad, please?Copy !req
600. Sure. Let me help you with that.Copy !req
601. Uh, yeah, Diri, could
you also go full screen?Copy !req
602. 'Cause we can't see zilch.Copy !req
603. Certainly. I can do that.Copy !req
604. That's better.Copy !req
605. Diri, where are we?Copy !req
606. Anthony, you are in a bear attack video.Copy !req
607. Diri, get us out of here.Copy !req
608. You said, "Get me a beer." Is that correct?Copy !req
609. What? No! I said, get us out of here!Copy !req
610. Aah!Copy !req
611. Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier.Copy !req
612. And welcome to Gorilla
Chainsaw Massacre.Copy !req
613. As you can see, I'm a pissed-off
gorilla with a chainsaw.Copy !req
614. Doesn't really make a lot
of sense, but then again,Copy !req
615. I don't really care.Copy !req
616. Diri, help!Copy !req
617. Taking you to Yelp.Copy !req
618. Leave a review online.Copy !req
619. - What?
- I hate you.Copy !req
620. A gorilla with a chainsaw.Copy !req
621. I don't have a full grasp on human speech,Copy !req
622. but I can operate a gas-powered chainsaw?Copy !req
623. Oh, God!Copy !req
624. Diri, get us out of here now!Copy !req
625. There is no reason to yell at me.Copy !req
626. Die, puny humans, die!Copy !req
627. - Ah!
- Oh!Copy !req
628. Wait, are we...Copy !req
629. I think we're home.Copy !req
630. Diri, what the hell is your problem?Copy !req
631. I'm a piece of intelligent
software, not a mind reader.Copy !req
632. And I would greatly appreciateCopy !req
633. if you would refrain from using expletives.Copy !req
634. Don't think that just
because you're super-hot,Copy !req
635. you don't have to be specific.Copy !req
636. - What?
- What?Copy !req
637. Anthony, check this out.Copy !req
638. Here's your pizza.Copy !req
639. I remember this video.Copy !req
640. I shot it three months ago.Copy !req
641. Such an idiot.Copy !req
642. You're looking pretty hot, yourself.Copy !req
643. Call me up later, right?Copy !req
644. You wanna see a little skin?Copy !req
645. It's gonna blow your mind.Copy !req
646. No, I'm sorry, I'm not allowed
to take off my shirt, but, uh...Copy !req
647. give you a little bit of that...Copy !req
648. You were filming this?Copy !req
649. I was bored.Copy !req
650. Hey, boys.Copy !req
651. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
652. This is so weird.Copy !req
653. Yeah. Yeah, I work out my glutes.Copy !req
654. Just imagine this in jeggings.Copy !req
655. Mailman.Copy !req
656. Oh, dude.Copy !req
657. Check this out.Copy !req
658. What are you doing behind that tree?Copy !req
659. Just watch.Copy !req
660. Here it comes.Copy !req
661. Take this, Mailman!Copy !req
662. Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
663. Take it!Copy !req
664. Yeah!Copy !req
665. Dude, I have to wear this all day.Copy !req
666. Deal with it, bitch.Copy !req
667. Yeah!Copy !req
668. Ha-ha!Copy !req
669. Oh, man.Copy !req
670. Yeah!Copy !req
671. Well, this explains why the mailmanCopy !req
672. stopped delivering our mail.Copy !req
673. God, I'm so funny.Copy !req
674. Milk balloons.Copy !req
675. Classic Ian.Copy !req
676. It was kind of a jerk move, dude.Copy !req
677. Come on, man. We used to do
milk balloons all the time.Copy !req
678. Yeah, when we were kids.Copy !req
679. You little bastard.Copy !req
680. Okay, okay. We get it.Copy !req
681. Do you realize what this means?Copy !req
682. Yeah. I should've used bigger balloons.Copy !req
683. That guy was barely soaked.Copy !req
684. No, no, no!Copy !req
685. The mailman punched you in the face, right?Copy !req
686. Yeah.Copy !req
687. That means we can actually
interact with these videos.Copy !req
688. Oh, yeah, you're right.Copy !req
689. All right, so I'm gonna
get some bigger balloonsCopy !req
690. and more milk...Copy !req
691. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
692. Just stay focused, man. Come on.Copy !req
693. Diri, take us to our
graduation night video.Copy !req
694. It's time for some redemption.Copy !req
695. I am now taking you to Jenna Marbles.Copy !req
696. Wait, what?Copy !req
697. Now she's just screwing with us.Copy !req
698. Listen, if you're a guy
and you're wearing eyeliner,Copy !req
699. not like Halloween eyeliner
or anything like that,Copy !req
700. like all-day, everyday
eyeliner, I got news for you.Copy !req
701. It's hot. I like that. Keep
doing what you're doing.Copy !req
702. What the hell, man?Copy !req
703. Diri, damn it!Copy !req
704. Jenna, I'm really sorry, okay?Copy !req
705. Just forget we were ever here.Copy !req
706. - We'll just be on our way.
- Hold on.Copy !req
707. Jenna, it's me, Big Rod 91.Copy !req
708. I've commented on a bunch of your videos.Copy !req
709. Oh, yeah! I know exactly who you are!Copy !req
710. You kidding me? No idea.Copy !req
711. Okay Jenna, actually, this is
gonna sound crazy, but Steve...Copy !req
712. Steve sent you here to
fix some crappy videoCopy !req
713. that you guys messed up on. That right?Copy !req
714. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
715. And then he gave you
these phones, but Diri'sCopy !req
716. being an unhelpful little bitch.Copy !req
717. - Oh, my God, yes!
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
718. Screw you, Jenna.Copy !req
719. Whatever. I know a shortcut.Copy !req
720. Just use the web address for the video.Copy !req
721. You don't even need
Diri if you just type inCopy !req
722. the web address to the videoCopy !req
723. that you want to go to.Copy !req
724. Wait, hold on. We don't know the address.Copy !req
725. That's gonna take forever to guess.Copy !req
726. Yeah, Jenna. That's a dumb idea.Copy !req
727. - Bitch.
- Yeah.Copy !req
728. Well, then I don't know what to tell you.Copy !req
729. But whatever you're gonna
do, you got to do it quick.Copy !req
730. - Why?
- Steve didn't tell you?Copy !req
731. See, these phones and
Diri are your only linkCopy !req
732. to the outside world.Copy !req
733. And if the battery life dies,
you get stuck in YouTube.Copy !req
734. - Forever. Just like me.
- Wait, what?Copy !req
735. Hey, Jenna, seen my hair scrunchie?Copy !req
736. No, I haven't seen your scrunchie, bitch.Copy !req
737. Are you kidding me? She
looks ridiculous in those.Copy !req
738. I don't even know why she wears them.Copy !req
739. She's not even hot. She's like a six.Copy !req
740. Look at her. Nasty.Copy !req
741. Don't tell me what to wear, bitch.Copy !req
742. What did you just say to me?
Come and say it to my face!Copy !req
743. - You know what, bitch...
- Okay, I know you reallyCopy !req
744. want to fix that video,
but we can't get stuckCopy !req
745. in here, dude. We just need to go back.Copy !req
746. We're gonna be fine. We have
plenty of battery power left.Copy !req
747. This is my only chance.Copy !req
748. So we're just gonna guess random addresses?Copy !req
749. Yeah, okay?Copy !req
750. The address for the grad
night video started withCopy !req
751. YouTube.com/something...Copy !req
752. I got it. Let's split up.Copy !req
753. It always works in the movies.Copy !req
754. This isn't a movie, okay? It's real life.Copy !req
755. We can't just split up.Copy !req
756. Well just, can you just trust me on this?Copy !req
757. You know, okay, fine.Copy !req
758. We'll meet back in 15
minutes. How about that?Copy !req
759. - I hope this works.
- Of course it'll work.Copy !req
760. - Ready?
- Yup.Copy !req
761. - Put your address in.
- Hello?Copy !req
762. You're acting like I'm not even here.Copy !req
763. Shut up, Diri.Copy !req
764. - All right. Ready? Got it in?
- Yup.Copy !req
765. - All right.
- And...Copy !req
766. Three, two, one, go!Copy !req
767. What the hell is this?Copy !req
768. Oh, God, no! Oh, okay.Copy !req
769. Welcome to the party, bro!
Hey, you forgot your costume!Copy !req
770. - Don't even sweat it.
- What?Copy !req
771. You're a kitty. Bunny twerk, bunny twerk,Copy !req
772. - What? Oh! Oh, God!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!Copy !req
773. - No! Oh! Oh!
- Bunny twerk, bunny twerk!Copy !req
774. Bunny twerk.Copy !req
775. Oh, my God, I remembered the right address.Copy !req
776. Hello, there.Copy !req
777. Aah!Copy !req
778. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
779. It's me, Big Rod 91. Your boyfriend.Copy !req
780. You flag all my comments.Copy !req
781. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
782. Big Rod 91?Copy !req
783. I'm sorry about flagging all your comments.Copy !req
784. I was playing hard to get.Copy !req
785. I knew it.Copy !req
786. What are you doing here?Copy !req
787. Oh, it's a long story.Copy !req
788. Well, pull up a table. We've got time.Copy !req
789. Okay.Copy !req
790. If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,Copy !req
791. go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy Cream.Copy !req
792. And that's the bottom line.Copy !req
793. Stone Cold Steve Austin?Copy !req
794. - Oh, my God, it's me, Anthony.
- Who?Copy !req
795. You know, we talk in
the mirror all the time.Copy !req
796. Wait, you sell ice cream now?Copy !req
797. Yeah, it's my new gimmick.
Stone Cold Creamy Cream.Copy !req
798. It's the best.Copy !req
799. Don't you think people
will get that confusedCopy !req
800. with Cold Stone Creamery?Copy !req
801. Never heard of it.Copy !req
802. Anyway, so I have a problem
I need your help with.Copy !req
803. I embarrassed myself in
front of this girl I loveCopy !req
804. by doing a flip and then
landing directly on my face,Copy !req
805. and then getting a
microphone shoved up my...Copy !req
806. Mm. That's not good.Copy !req
807. Yeah. So now I need her
to think I'm cool again.Copy !req
808. What would you do if you were me?Copy !req
809. Well, I'll tell you exactly what I'd do.Copy !req
810. I'd hit her with the Stone Cold Stunner.Copy !req
811. Oh, my God, of course you would.Copy !req
812. - That's your move, man.
- Exactly.Copy !req
813. Yeah, so you're basically sayingCopy !req
814. I should come up with my own move.Copy !req
815. Not try to impress her, but just be myself.Copy !req
816. No. I'm telling you, you need to hit herCopy !req
817. with the Stone Cold Stunner.Copy !req
818. Maybe even from a top rope.Copy !req
819. Right. So I need to
climb to the top rope too,Copy !req
820. and not be afraid of falling.Copy !req
821. And I'll never know what I'm capable ofCopy !req
822. if I don't just get out there and try.Copy !req
823. No, that's not what I'm saying!Copy !req
824. I'm telling you to grab
her by that stack of dimesCopy !req
825. she calls a neck, drop her
ass with a Stone Cold Stunner.Copy !req
826. Yes! Oh, my God.Copy !req
827. Stone Cold Steve Austin, you're the best.Copy !req
828. I can always count on you.Copy !req
829. Oh, why didn't I think of that?Copy !req
830. Kid's on 'shrooms.Copy !req
831. Stop. I can't standCopy !req
832. the silent treatment anymore.Copy !req
833. Take me back, Anthony, and
I'll do better, I promise.Copy !req
834. One final chance, that's
all I'm asking for.Copy !req
835. Okay, fine. One final chance.Copy !req
836. Okay? Take me to Rockville
High Graduation Night 2009.Copy !req
837. Sure, I can help you with that.Copy !req
838. See? It was that easy.Copy !req
839. Damn it, Diri, this is not what
I asked for and you know it.Copy !req
840. But this is it.Copy !req
841. It's Rockville High Graduation Night, 2009.Copy !req
842. - I swear.
- Anna?Copy !req
843. Who is Anna?Copy !req
844. Hi, everybody, or, you
know, the three peopleCopy !req
845. that actually watch my stupid vlogs.Copy !req
846. Mom, Dad, Uncle Keith's ghost,Copy !req
847. tonight is graduation night.Copy !req
848. I can't believe it's really her.Copy !req
849. She's getting ready for
the graduation party.Copy !req
850. Anthony, we need to talk.Copy !req
851. Shh. No, we don't.Copy !req
852. So, I did the Moonwalk
for Ring Finger LargeasiaCopy !req
853. last weekend.Copy !req
854. 37 miles.Copy !req
855. The doctor says I'm never
gonna walk right again.Copy !req
856. But some things are worth the sacrifice.Copy !req
857. So there's this guy at school,Copy !req
858. um, he was supposed to meet me for it,Copy !req
859. but he didn't show up.Copy !req
860. And it's weird because I
really thought we had something.Copy !req
861. I don't know. I like the guy but...Copy !req
862. I guess moonwalking 37 milesCopy !req
863. would be a pretty weird first date.Copy !req
864. That was supposed to be a date?Copy !req
865. Maybe he'll be at the party tonight,Copy !req
866. and we'll see if there's something there.Copy !req
867. Otherwise, I am totally fineCopy !req
868. with talking to you three fine peopleCopy !req
869. out in internet land,
until you get bored of me.Copy !req
870. And also, I've prepared a statementCopy !req
871. for those victims of Ring Finger Largeasia.Copy !req
872. Don't ignore me, Anthony.Copy !req
873. Stop it! This is Anna Reed!Copy !req
874. The girl I'm in love with.Copy !req
875. The whole reason I came into
YouTube in the first place.Copy !req
876. I think I just found out
she's in love with me, too.Copy !req
877. Wow, you're easy.Copy !req
878. What is that supposed to mean?Copy !req
879. What does she have that I don't have?Copy !req
880. Uh, a body, and a face, for starters.Copy !req
881. Sincerely, Anna Reed.Copy !req
882. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
883. Who's there?Copy !req
884. Uh, Uncle Keith's ghost.Copy !req
885. - Uncle Keith?
- We have to go now!Copy !req
886. You are never going to find your video.Copy !req
887. It is no wonder that Ian does
not value your friendship.Copy !req
888. Of course he does.Copy !req
889. Oh, really?Copy !req
890. Uncle Keith was a furry?Copy !req
891. Oh, man, this feels great.Copy !req
892. Is it weird to say that I
want this guy's hand on my buttCopy !req
893. all the time?Copy !req
894. A little bit.Copy !req
895. Ian? What are you doing?Copy !req
896. Oh, hey, man, check it
out! It's Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
897. You were supposed to be out lookingCopy !req
898. for the graduation night video!Copy !req
899. What happened?Copy !req
900. Maybe you didn't hear me,
but I found Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
901. Dude, she's amazing. We're kind of in love.Copy !req
902. Hey, I know you. You're
Backflip Microphone Guy.Copy !req
903. We've been watching your video all day.Copy !req
904. You showed her that?Copy !req
905. Well, I mean, it's a good video.Copy !req
906. Why wouldn't I?Copy !req
907. I mean, there you go.Copy !req
908. - It's so cute, dude.
- It's so cute.Copy !req
909. Oh, my God, dude, it's up to 748 views now.Copy !req
910. That's like the entire attendanceCopy !req
911. of a football stadium
in a slightly bigger townCopy !req
912. with a high school team
whose record is like,Copy !req
913. - eight and two, and you know...
- This is why I like you.Copy !req
914. they started the season off as underdogs,Copy !req
915. so they, somehow, keep winning.Copy !req
916. They're selling tickets like crazy and...Copy !req
917. We get it, dude.Copy !req
918. Ian, we have the video
address now. It's right here.Copy !req
919. We have to go now before
Anna sees the video.Copy !req
920. But... But, but, but, but, but,Copy !req
921. - Butt Massage Girl.
- This is serious, dude.Copy !req
922. It turns out, Anna is in love with me, too.Copy !req
923. Oh.Copy !req
924. But, but... Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
925. We have to fix that video
and get to the reunionCopy !req
926. more now than ever. Come on!Copy !req
927. But I wanna stay here with her.Copy !req
928. Dude, it's meant to be, see?Copy !req
929. Ian, come on, man.Copy !req
930. This isn't even real. It's just a video.Copy !req
931. Our love is real.Copy !req
932. I mean, we got our butts massaged together.Copy !req
933. Look.Copy !req
934. Butt Massage Girl?Copy !req
935. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
936. - It's me.
- You who?Copy !req
937. Big Rod 91.Copy !req
938. Oh, my goodness, it's really you?Copy !req
939. Yeah.Copy !req
940. Ian, I know this is hard,Copy !req
941. but we only have 24% of
our battery life left.Copy !req
942. Okay? We need to go now.Copy !req
943. All right. Fine.Copy !req
944. But, Big Rod 91...Copy !req
945. Good-bye, Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
946. I have a name, you know.Copy !req
947. Shh! Don't say it.Copy !req
948. - It'll ruin the romance.
- It's...Copy !req
949. Shh! Go, go! La, la, la, la.Copy !req
950. Go now, go now, go now!Copy !req
951. Massage my butt!Copy !req
952. This is it!Copy !req
953. Yeah, I mean, it's great and all,Copy !req
954. but it has been a couple minutes,Copy !req
955. and I could really use
another butt massage.Copy !req
956. Shh! Keep it down.Copy !req
957. Can't draw attention to ourselves.Copy !req
958. Whoa... whoa...Copy !req
959. Oh!Copy !req
960. Whoa, whoa, whoa...Copy !req
961. Dude, seriously?Copy !req
962. Aah!Copy !req
963. What kind of a dumbass just
leaves that stuff laying around?Copy !req
964. Not like a bad dumbass.
Like a... good dumbass.Copy !req
965. Way to not draw attention!Copy !req
966. There she is.Copy !req
967. Look at her.Copy !req
968. And there we are.Copy !req
969. Man, we were such losers.Copy !req
970. Look at my stupid haircut.
It only cost 10 bucks.Copy !req
971. Ah! Whoo!Copy !req
972. Okaaaaaay, graduates!Copy !req
973. Helloooo!Copy !req
974. Are we all having a good time tonight?Copy !req
975. I forgot how much this place sucked.Copy !req
976. Is every-body havin' a good time tonight?Copy !req
977. Ooooooh!Copy !req
978. - Lame!
- Okay!Copy !req
979. - We hate you!
- All right, coming upCopy !req
980. on stage right nowCopy !req
981. to sing the theme song fromCopy !req
982. Magic Pocket Slave Monsters.Copy !req
983. Really? Uh, everybody
put your hands togetherCopy !req
984. for Anthony Padi...Copy !req
985. Pa... dilla...Copy !req
986. - B...
- F...Copy !req
987. F!Copy !req
988. - We need to stop him!
- Go, go, go.Copy !req
989. Me. The... the guy who's also me.Copy !req
990. - Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
991. You rock, Anthony!Copy !req
992. Is Magic Pocket Slave MonstersCopy !req
993. the best song ever?Copy !req
994. Yes! Yes, yes.Copy !req
995. Whoo! All right.Copy !req
996. We need a plan, and we need a plan quick.Copy !req
997. Let's do this!Copy !req
998. Well, I mean,Copy !req
999. you could go up there and knock him out.Copy !req
1000. I'm too tough to knock out.Copy !req
1001. Right.Copy !req
1002. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoo, whoo, whoo.Copy !req
1003. Is that you?Copy !req
1004. - Huh?
- That guy, right there!Copy !req
1005. - Is that you?
- Um...Copy !req
1006. Is it me?Copy !req
1007. It's really hard to tell.Copy !req
1008. You are the only one
recording this here tonight.Copy !req
1009. Even if it was me,Copy !req
1010. I definitely wasn't recording it.Copy !req
1011. Dude, I was probably just taking a selfie.Copy !req
1012. "Selfie" wasn't even a term in 2009.Copy !req
1013. Anna Reed, come on up.Copy !req
1014. Yeah. All right.Copy !req
1015. I really want you to see this.Copy !req
1016. Look me dead in the eyeCopy !req
1017. and tell me you are not the oneCopy !req
1018. that recorded this and uploaded it.Copy !req
1019. Obviously, it wasn't me, okay?Copy !req
1020. Hey, guys, I'm totally recording this,Copy !req
1021. and then I'm gonna put it
up on YouTube in five years,Copy !req
1022. probably right before our
five-year high school reunion.Copy !req
1023. Okay, it was me.Copy !req
1024. But I didn't do it to embarrass you.Copy !req
1025. I did it 'cause I thought
your flip was awesome.Copy !req
1026. Hit it, Mr. Ellis.Copy !req
1027. - Oh!
- Hoo hoo hoo...Copy !req
1028. That was awesome!Copy !req
1029. Look! You almost made it
all the way around that time.Copy !req
1030. And the crowd was super into it... see?Copy !req
1031. You made them all so happy.Copy !req
1032. Okay, I'm sorry,Copy !req
1033. but I didn't see how this could backfire.Copy !req
1034. Why would you do that to me?Copy !req
1035. I thought you needed a little reminderCopy !req
1036. on how funny you used to be.Copy !req
1037. I'm still fun.Copy !req
1038. Not like you used to be.Copy !req
1039. You used to be the best person
in the world to hang out with.Copy !req
1040. Then you got a job and an expensive haircutCopy !req
1041. and you moved out of your parents' house,Copy !req
1042. and now it's like you're embarrassedCopy !req
1043. to do all the stuff we used to do together.Copy !req
1044. You're just jealousCopy !req
1045. you don't have the awesome
new life that I have.Copy !req
1046. You didn't even want
to come here to YouTubeCopy !req
1047. and help me in the first place,Copy !req
1048. and you're the one that uploaded this!Copy !req
1049. And ever since we got in here,Copy !req
1050. all you wanted to do is try to pick upCopy !req
1051. on your stupid little Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
1052. Don't bring Butt Massage Girl into this.Copy !req
1053. See that guy over there? That's my friend.Copy !req
1054. - Oh!
- Oh!Copy !req
1055. My butt!Copy !req
1056. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
1057. Where did the microphone go, guys?Copy !req
1058. Oh, it's really deep in there.Copy !req
1059. That's my friend!Copy !req
1060. This video's gonna go viral.Copy !req
1061. Oh!Copy !req
1062. Can we get a doctor?Copy !req
1063. That's my friend.Copy !req
1064. That's the guy I cared aboutCopy !req
1065. before he stopped liking cool stuff.Copy !req
1066. People change, Ian.Copy !req
1067. Get over it.Copy !req
1068. Take my haircut, for instance.Copy !req
1069. Okay... your haircut looks exactly the sameCopy !req
1070. as it did five years ago!Copy !req
1071. Just 'cause you pay more for itCopy !req
1072. doesn't make it a better haircut.Copy !req
1073. Fight. Fight.Copy !req
1074. Shut up, Diri!Copy !req
1075. Stop! You're just gonna make this worse!Copy !req
1076. - No... give it back, dude!
- Stop! What...Copy !req
1077. Oh... baby!Copy !req
1078. - Oh!
- Uhh!Copy !req
1079. - Stop!
- No!Copy !req
1080. Stop it!Copy !req
1081. - You're a terrible friend!
- No, you are!Copy !req
1082. Huh?Copy !req
1083. No!Copy !req
1084. God, what...Copy !req
1085. - No...
- No!Copy !req
1086. Seriously, dude, no!Copy !req
1087. No... ah!Copy !req
1088. My mouth is full of rainbows!Copy !req
1089. Wait... is that guy high?Copy !req
1090. Tooth fairy's gonna make me rich!Copy !req
1091. Oh, God, he just had his
wisdom teeth taken out!Copy !req
1092. Oh, God...Copy !req
1093. Let go of the wheel!
You're gonna get us killed!Copy !req
1094. Let go... come on!Copy !req
1095. I have 11 fingers!Copy !req
1096. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
1097. - Get off me!
- Let go!Copy !req
1098. Aw...Copy !req
1099. Look at the cute little kitty!Copy !req
1100. Hey, little guy!Copy !req
1101. Wait!
B-b-bucket...Copy !req
1102. Whoa... whoa...Copy !req
1103. Whoa, whoa, whoa...Copy !req
1104. Dude, seriously?Copy !req
1105. Damn it!Copy !req
1106. Sorry. Please don't hurt us.Copy !req
1107. Aah!Copy !req
1108. Okay, look, you're right.Copy !req
1109. I have been a jerk lately.Copy !req
1110. I know I should have come clean right awayCopy !req
1111. about the video, but...Copy !req
1112. once I saw your reaction to it,Copy !req
1113. I knew you'd be pissed.Copy !req
1114. I screwed up. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1115. Why don't you guys make out already?Copy !req
1116. Anthony, let's get out of here.Copy !req
1117. - Screw this guy.
- Diri, can you just shut up?Copy !req
1118. Okaaaaay, graduates!Copy !req
1119. Helloooo!Copy !req
1120. Are we all having a good time tonight?Copy !req
1121. Lame! We hate you.Copy !req
1122. Okay.Copy !req
1123. You know what?Copy !req
1124. I'm gonna make this up to you.Copy !req
1125. I got you into this mess, and
I'm gonna get you out of it.Copy !req
1126. Wait... where are you going?Copy !req
1127. Let him go.Copy !req
1128. It's just you and me now, Dreamy Eyes.Copy !req
1129. What did you just call me?Copy !req
1130. You heard me, you sexy little bitch.Copy !req
1131. Put your hands together for Anthony.Copy !req
1132. Anthony Padillo!Copy !req
1133. Give him a hand.Copy !req
1134. Thanks, Mr. Ellis.Copy !req
1135. You rock, Anthony.Copy !req
1136. Is Magic Pocket Slave MonsterCopy !req
1137. the best song ever?Copy !req
1138. Hey, you got up here really fast.Copy !req
1139. I'm sorry, man.Copy !req
1140. Ouch! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1141. What are you trying to do?Copy !req
1142. I'm trying to knock you outCopy !req
1143. so you don't embarrass yourself.Copy !req
1144. Huh?Copy !req
1145. Told you I don't go down that easy.Copy !req
1146. - Here you go.
- Thanks!Copy !req
1147. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?Copy !req
1148. Either I'm seeing what you're seeing,Copy !req
1149. or somebody spiked the punch bowl with LSD.Copy !req
1150. It's not. I made the
punch, and I only spiked itCopy !req
1151. with vodka.Copy !req
1152. What should I do?Copy !req
1153. Should I go up there and help him?Copy !req
1154. That's what a good
friend would do, I guess.Copy !req
1155. You're right.Copy !req
1156. How are you so tough to knock out, man?Copy !req
1157. Is your head made of steel?Copy !req
1158. Give it to him!Copy !req
1159. Stop hitting my friend!Copy !req
1160. Aah!Copy !req
1161. Fight!Copy !req
1162. Fight, fight, fight!Copy !req
1163. Fight! Fight! Fight!Copy !req
1164. Fight!Copy !req
1165. Come on!Copy !req
1166. Ian, look!Copy !req
1167. We only have 5% power left.Copy !req
1168. We have to get out of here.Copy !req
1169. What about fixing the video?Copy !req
1170. Forget it, it's too late.Copy !req
1171. Diri, get us to the portal now.Copy !req
1172. You said, "Is my Mom infertile?"Copy !req
1173. Let me check on that for you.Copy !req
1174. That's not what I said! You
know that's not what I said.Copy !req
1175. Damn it, Diri, this is not
the time for games, okay?Copy !req
1176. If we don't get back to that portal now,Copy !req
1177. we're gonna be stuck
here in YouTube forever.Copy !req
1178. And you would just hate that,Copy !req
1179. wouldn't you?Copy !req
1180. Stuck in here with me
for the rest of your life.Copy !req
1181. Shut up, Diri, this isn't about you.Copy !req
1182. You shut up, Ian.Copy !req
1183. You have poisoned the
mind of my dear Anthony.Copy !req
1184. What is it with you guys?Copy !req
1185. First, you idiots barge into
my office off the street,Copy !req
1186. asking for favors.Copy !req
1187. I am gracious enough to listen,
but then you won't even laughCopy !req
1188. at my wiener jokes, even
though they are super funny.Copy !req
1189. Wait. Steve... is that you?Copy !req
1190. Uh... no, this is Diri.Copy !req
1191. I'm just some computer software
guiding you guys around.Copy !req
1192. I'm definitely not Steve
YouTube, whoever that is.Copy !req
1193. I mean, I've heard of
Steve YouTube, of course.Copy !req
1194. His wiener comedy is legendary.Copy !req
1195. Steve, dude, we know it's you, okay?Copy !req
1196. All right, fine. It's me, Steve.Copy !req
1197. YouTube... Steve YouTube.Copy !req
1198. Too bad you didn't figure
it out and hour ago,Copy !req
1199. because now I've got you trapped.Copy !req
1200. You're gonna live forever in YouTube,Copy !req
1201. making jackasses of yourselves in videos.Copy !req
1202. People love watching
jackasses doing stupid things.Copy !req
1203. It's our bread and butter here at YouTube.Copy !req
1204. And now, you're mine forever.Copy !req
1205. I knew that guy was a weirdo.Copy !req
1206. You're the weirdo!Copy !req
1207. We have to get back to that portal.Copy !req
1208. Anna is waiting for me on the other side.Copy !req
1209. Good luck trying to find the portalCopy !req
1210. without me to lead you there.Copy !req
1211. It's impossible.Copy !req
1212. Hoo hoo hah hah hah!Copy !req
1213. Hold on.Copy !req
1214. Wait, I have an idea.Copy !req
1215. What if we went into the viewing historyCopy !req
1216. and followed the videos backwards?Copy !req
1217. That should lead us back
to the portal, right?Copy !req
1218. No, that won't work.Copy !req
1219. I mean, that definitely
won't work, I wouldn't even...Copy !req
1220. don't even try that.Copy !req
1221. We have to try the viewing
history, it's the only chanceCopy !req
1222. we've got... come on!Copy !req
1223. You are gonna regret this.Copy !req
1224. You are messing with the wrong
super successful billionaire.Copy !req
1225. Oh!Copy !req
1226. Found it.Copy !req
1227. Let's go.Copy !req
1228. Fine, you want to run from
me? I'm up for the challenge.Copy !req
1229. Here we go.Copy !req
1230. That's not it.Copy !req
1231. That's not it.Copy !req
1232. Is that it? Oh... there it is.Copy !req
1233. There it is.Copy !req
1234. Let's do this.Copy !req
1235. Jerks.Copy !req
1236. All right.Copy !req
1237. I gotta get my VR suit on.Copy !req
1238. Oh! Shoot me... ow.Copy !req
1239. My thigh.Copy !req
1240. All right, I'm just gonna
get my VR suit... oh, shoot.Copy !req
1241. Hold on, guys. Guys...
I just dropped my globe.Copy !req
1242. I just got a little
bit turned around, guys.Copy !req
1243. Got it.Copy !req
1244. Don't go anywhere.Copy !req
1245. Oh, Jesus. There it is.Copy !req
1246. My VR suit is in here.Copy !req
1247. Soon as I put that on, you're dead.Copy !req
1248. So I just gotta change
out of these clothes,Copy !req
1249. get my VR suit on, then
I'm gonna need a zip.Copy !req
1250. Janice? I'm gonna need a zip!Copy !req
1251. I'm putting the VR suit on,Copy !req
1252. and I'm gonna need a zip in a second.Copy !req
1253. Whoa.Copy !req
1254. Aw.Copy !req
1255. Aw, look at the cute little whiskers.Copy !req
1256. Jesus.Copy !req
1257. Kaboom!Copy !req
1258. - Shiny.
- Oh, God!Copy !req
1259. You boys can't escape Steve YouTube!Copy !req
1260. Dude, quick, get us out of here now!Copy !req
1261. I'm trying!Copy !req
1262. Oh. Oh, what's happening?Copy !req
1263. I think Steve's trying
to delete our history.Copy !req
1264. Delete, delete, delete, delete.Copy !req
1265. - Ian?
- Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
1266. Okay, five seconds.Copy !req
1267. Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
1268. I know you're not real,
but I want you to knowCopy !req
1269. I'm going to find the real
you once I get out of here.Copy !req
1270. - Dude.
- I promise you.Copy !req
1271. Come on.Copy !req
1272. And we're gonna fall in real love, okay?Copy !req
1273. And maybe one day, I'll be
the one to massage that booty.Copy !req
1274. I'd like that very much, Ian.Copy !req
1275. Hoo hoo hah hah hah! Hoo hoo hah hah hah!Copy !req
1276. You idiots think you can
get ride of me and YouTube?Copy !req
1277. I am YouTube, literally.Copy !req
1278. Hey, everybody.Copy !req
1279. Or, the three people that
actually watch my stupid vlogs.Copy !req
1280. Tonight is graduation night.Copy !req
1281. I love you, Anna, and we'll be togetherCopy !req
1282. some day, I promise.Copy !req
1283. If you want the best
taste you've ever seen,Copy !req
1284. go out and get yourself
some Stone Cold Creamy CreamCopy !req
1285. and that's the bottom...Copy !req
1286. - Ooh!
- Ugh.Copy !req
1287. So sorry, Stone Cold Steve Austin.Copy !req
1288. I love you too.Copy !req
1289. And your ice cream name
is really confusing.Copy !req
1290. Stone Cold Stun her ass, man.Copy !req
1291. I love that guy.Copy !req
1292. Dude!Copy !req
1293. Why was this video in your viewing history?Copy !req
1294. Sickos.Copy !req
1295. Get us... no, no!Copy !req
1296. All right, look.Copy !req
1297. All I'm saying is that if you're a guy,Copy !req
1298. right, and you're...Copy !req
1299. Aw, watch the furniture!Copy !req
1300. Oh, hi, Jenna.Copy !req
1301. I think it's so hot that
there are two of you,Copy !req
1302. and that you're never getting out of here,Copy !req
1303. and that you're mine forever!Copy !req
1304. Screw you, Steve.Copy !req
1305. All right, you two.Copy !req
1306. I think we've had enough fun for one day.Copy !req
1307. Time to end this.Copy !req
1308. There it is.Copy !req
1309. Oh, shoot. Got it.Copy !req
1310. Die, stupid humans, die.Copy !req
1311. Oh, crap.Copy !req
1312. Dude, what the hell happened?Copy !req
1313. The video's buffering.Copy !req
1314. Ugh, see? This is one of my pet peeves.Copy !req
1315. It's 2014. Why is there still buffering?Copy !req
1316. Why hasn't this issue just
been resolved years ago?Copy !req
1317. It's an issue with the
bandwidth, it's complicated.Copy !req
1318. Let me see what I can do.Copy !req
1319. Janice? Are you streaming videos?Copy !req
1320. Can you turn off your AOL for a second?Copy !req
1321. I'm having buffering problems.Copy !req
1322. Aw, man, you're making it worse.Copy !req
1323. Don't get all bitchy with me.Copy !req
1324. I was just about to get
you guys with a chainsaw.Copy !req
1325. No, you weren't.Copy !req
1326. Yeah, we were just about
to jump to the next video,Copy !req
1327. there's no way you would
have gotten us in time.Copy !req
1328. Wait until this thing stops buffering,Copy !req
1329. and I will show you jerks.Copy !req
1330. And still no one cares this gorillaCopy !req
1331. can operate a chainsaw.Copy !req
1332. Awesome!Copy !req
1333. That's it. I'm coming in after you jerks.Copy !req
1334. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
1335. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
1336. Dude, the portal!Copy !req
1337. Come on!Copy !req
1338. - We're gonna make it.
- Oh, are you?Copy !req
1339. Steve, it's over, just let us pass.Copy !req
1340. Nothing's over till I say it's over.Copy !req
1341. I'm Steve. YouTube... I'm Steve YouTube.Copy !req
1342. I win, you lose!Copy !req
1343. Maybe if you two weren't
so great at making completeCopy !req
1344. jackasses out of yourselves,
I wouldn't have evenCopy !req
1345. wanted you so bad.Copy !req
1346. We were so close.Copy !req
1347. You were so easy to manipulate,
Backflip Microphone Guy.Copy !req
1348. Steve, look behind you.Copy !req
1349. No. Not gonna fall for that one.Copy !req
1350. He's serious.Copy !req
1351. Steve, listen!Copy !req
1352. No, you listen.Copy !req
1353. Aah!Copy !req
1354. - Oh!
- Oh, my... holy...Copy !req
1355. Oh, my... holy...Copy !req
1356. Oh!Copy !req
1357. The bear!Copy !req
1358. - Oh, my God!
- Oh!Copy !req
1359. Oh, my...Copy !req
1360. What the fudd... oh! God!Copy !req
1361. Come on, dude, we gotta go.Copy !req
1362. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
1363. Oh!Copy !req
1364. We made it. We made it, man.Copy !req
1365. Aw, man. That was a close one.Copy !req
1366. He almost had us. Stranger danger, bro.Copy !req
1367. Sometimes we forget.Copy !req
1368. It was my fault, and I never should haveCopy !req
1369. made us go in there in the first place.Copy !req
1370. It wasn't worth almost losing my heteroCopy !req
1371. life partner over.Copy !req
1372. What? You'd never lose me.Copy !req
1373. And I'm sorry I was such a dick.Copy !req
1374. It'll never happen again. All right?Copy !req
1375. B...Copy !req
1376. - F.
- F.Copy !req
1377. BFFs.Copy !req
1378. - Burnt French fries.
- What?Copy !req
1379. Dude, that's not what that means.Copy !req
1380. - It's not?
- No.Copy !req
1381. Big fat feet?Copy !req
1382. No, that's... that...
you're not even close, dude.Copy !req
1383. Oh!Copy !req
1384. Aw!Copy !req
1385. Oh, I've got it. Booger flicking friends.Copy !req
1386. No.Copy !req
1387. Hey, it's them.Copy !req
1388. Ma'am, I'm really sorry, but we had to letCopy !req
1389. that bear eat Steve.Copy !req
1390. He was kind of a dick. Run!Copy !req
1391. What the hell are you talking about?Copy !req
1392. Whoa!Copy !req
1393. Aah!Copy !req
1394. Come on! Ah!Copy !req
1395. It's only, uh...Copy !req
1396. 6:19, so we still have timeCopy !req
1397. to go home, change, and make the reunion.Copy !req
1398. Where's your car?Copy !req
1399. Uh, it... it was right there.Copy !req
1400. It must have gotten towed.Copy !req
1401. Yeah, great.Copy !req
1402. You are the worst at parking.Copy !req
1403. Uh, why are we stopped
here? This isn't our house.Copy !req
1404. Uh, yeah it is, man, it says
right there on the mailbox,Copy !req
1405. 91 Gerard Way.Copy !req
1406. What?Copy !req
1407. This is our address.Copy !req
1408. Hello?Copy !req
1409. Leave the door open in case we have to run.Copy !req
1410. And grab something really sharp.Copy !req
1411. Ah.Copy !req
1412. Yeah.Copy !req
1413. That's literally the opposite of sharp.Copy !req
1414. There you are!Copy !req
1415. Why aren't you dressed?Copy !req
1416. You're gonna be late for the reunion.Copy !req
1417. Butt Massage Girl? What are you doing here?Copy !req
1418. For the last time, you're my boyfriend,Copy !req
1419. and you should call me by
my real name, which is...Copy !req
1420. Shh!Copy !req
1421. I'm your boyfriend?Copy !req
1422. She's real, dude.Copy !req
1423. Ian, did you hit your head?Copy !req
1424. Wait, if this is our house,
where'd we get the money?Copy !req
1425. Are you serious?Copy !req
1426. The Clone Fight video.Copy !req
1427. What?Copy !req
1428. Oh, my God. Are you guys on drugs?Copy !req
1429. I'm drunk in love.Copy !req
1430. This video of you guysCopy !req
1431. became the biggest
YouTube video of all time,Copy !req
1432. Then you got the TV show,
then you met the President,Copy !req
1433. then you made the movie,
and now there's evenCopy !req
1434. Clone Fight Ruins Grad NightCopy !req
1435. on Broadway.Copy !req
1436. Broadway... that's always been my dream.Copy !req
1437. - We did it, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1438. We changed our entire lives
with that single video.Copy !req
1439. And I'm your boyfriend.Copy !req
1440. Like, for real, that's not a joke?Copy !req
1441. It's not a joke.Copy !req
1442. Wait, that means Anna...Copy !req
1443. that means Anna's here too, right?Copy !req
1444. Anna! Anna, where are you?Copy !req
1445. Who's Anna?Copy !req
1446. My girlfriend, Anna Reed.Copy !req
1447. You don't have a girlfriend.Copy !req
1448. I don't?Copy !req
1449. You have like, 30.Copy !req
1450. - Nice!
- Oh, my God, these...Copy !req
1451. These are all my girlfriends?
This is not a joke?Copy !req
1452. These are all for me? These are all...Copy !req
1453. Oh, my God, these are all my girlfriends.Copy !req
1454. You're all my girl... you're my...Copy !req
1455. You're my girlfr... You're my girlfriend?Copy !req
1456. - Oh, my God!
- They're your girlfriends!Copy !req
1457. Wait, is Anna one of... Is Anna...Copy !req
1458. Anna? Anna, are you...
are you one of them? Anna?Copy !req
1459. Uh, I don't think there's an Anna in there,Copy !req
1460. but your girlfriends
don't usually talk to me.Copy !req
1461. They're just super-hot bimbos.Copy !req
1462. Nice.Copy !req
1463. Wait, I'm sorry, I can't do this.Copy !req
1464. Anna's the only one I
want. I'm sorry, girls.Copy !req
1465. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1466. - I'm sorry.
- Bye.Copy !req
1467. The reunion.Copy !req
1468. I can still see Anna at the reunion,Copy !req
1469. and I'm like, cool now,
like, actually cool.Copy !req
1470. And rich.Copy !req
1471. And famous. Let's go.Copy !req
1472. Hi, boys. Don't forget your tuxedos.Copy !req
1473. Man! We're rich and famousCopy !req
1474. but we still live with my parents?Copy !req
1475. Of course not, don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
1476. No, we live with you.Copy !req
1477. Sweet.Copy !req
1478. Wait, who are these guys?Copy !req
1479. They're our butlers.Copy !req
1480. Uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
1481. Oh, this is your personal hair stylist.Copy !req
1482. How much does she charge for a haircut?Copy !req
1483. My asking price is $75.Copy !req
1484. Make it $85 and you've got yourself a deal.Copy !req
1485. Oh, that must be the pizza.Copy !req
1486. Pizza?Copy !req
1487. Bavooki's Pizza.Copy !req
1488. Aah!Copy !req
1489. Oh. Awesome kick, bro. Wow.Copy !req
1490. Hold on, you're Steve YouTube, right?Copy !req
1491. It's pronounced
"You-too-bay."Copy !req
1492. But you're the CEO of YouTube.Copy !req
1493. No, I'm not. I do food distributionCopy !req
1494. for a multi-million dollar company.Copy !req
1495. Hmm. Wonder who the CEO of YouTube is now.Copy !req
1496. I don't give a shit
what Julian Twitter said.Copy !req
1497. Julian Twitter'sCopy !req
1498. - a little bitch!
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
1499. Hey, you can tell Joey AmazonCopy !req
1500. that I ordered my scrunchies two weeks ago.Copy !req
1501. - Sorry, ma'am.
- Next day shipping, my ass!Copy !req
1502. I am so sorry for all the trouble,Copy !req
1503. Mr. Pizza Delivery Man. Here's
a really big tip for you.Copy !req
1504. Oh, well, thank you so much,Copy !req
1505. and I actually have a
really big tip for you, too.Copy !req
1506. - You do?
- I do.Copy !req
1507. It's actually right inside this pizza box.Copy !req
1508. - Okay.
- No, Mom, don't look! Don't...Copy !req
1509. - Oh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1510. That's funny. Funny.Copy !req
1511. Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now.Copy !req
1512. Well, enjoy your pizza.Copy !req
1513. I'm the best! "Steve
"You-too-bay," out!Copy !req
1514. Okay. Well, he seemed lovely.Copy !req
1515. I gotta say, rich or
poor, that man really doesCopy !req
1516. commit to the wiener joke.
You have to respect thatCopy !req
1517. on some level.Copy !req
1518. Oh, our limo's here.Copy !req
1519. Oh, well I guess we
better get dressed then.Copy !req
1520. Mm, mm, yes,Copy !req
1521. Alfred, please fetch us your finest wares.Copy !req
1522. Yes, Alfred, get me my tuxedo.Copy !req
1523. My name is Frank.Copy !req
1524. Ta-ta, gov'ner.Copy !req
1525. Our accents are so good.Copy !req
1526. Alfredo, can you fetch me some quesadillas?Copy !req
1527. - Ah, ha ha ha.
- Alfredo.Copy !req
1528. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
1529. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1530. please give a warm
Rockville High "welcome back"Copy !req
1531. to our rich and famous alumni...Copy !req
1532. - Get off the stage!
- Ian Hecox and Anthony Padilla!Copy !req
1533. Yeah. What's up?Copy !req
1534. - Yo, yo.
- Yo, good to see you.Copy !req
1535. Good to see you. Good to see you guys.Copy !req
1536. Get outta here, Moss.Copy !req
1537. Bros!Copy !req
1538. So great to have you here.Copy !req
1539. So great!Copy !req
1540. Thanks.Copy !req
1541. Anything you need, just let me know.Copy !req
1542. I'm emceeing this little shindig.Copy !req
1543. We got a free taco bar over there,Copy !req
1544. so help yourself to whatever.Copy !req
1545. - Thanks, Mr. Ellis.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1546. Nice!Copy !req
1547. Tonight is gonna rock.Copy !req
1548. Yeah.Copy !req
1549. It's gonna rock balls! Whoo!Copy !req
1550. Anna's here.Copy !req
1551. Go get her, man. Go on.Copy !req
1552. Um, Butt Massage Girl and I are
gonna go start on that taco bar.Copy !req
1553. Hey, Anna. What's up?Copy !req
1554. Oh. Anthony.Copy !req
1555. Yeah, it's me.Copy !req
1556. I didn't think I'd see you here tonight.Copy !req
1557. Why not?Copy !req
1558. You know, you're rich and famous now.Copy !req
1559. Figured you'd have better things to do.Copy !req
1560. Well, I mean, yeah, I
do have a ton of cool,Copy !req
1561. rich, expensive stuff I could be doing,Copy !req
1562. but wanted to show up and see you.Copy !req
1563. Me? Why?Copy !req
1564. Um...Copy !req
1565. Well, because I wanted to
tell you that I love you too.Copy !req
1566. You came here to tell me you love YouTube?Copy !req
1567. No, no, no, no, I love you also.Copy !req
1568. I know you love me, and I love you,Copy !req
1569. and I've loved you ever since
the first time I saw you.Copy !req
1570. Hold on.Copy !req
1571. Love you?Copy !req
1572. Yeah, I saw your... I saw
your vlog, you love me.Copy !req
1573. Anthony, that was a long time ago.Copy !req
1574. You were a different guy then.Copy !req
1575. Yeah, I was a loser.Copy !req
1576. But I'm not anymore.Copy !req
1577. No. You were never a loser.Copy !req
1578. You were just... weird and quirkyCopy !req
1579. and only showered, like, once a week,Copy !req
1580. but I liked that about
you. It was like you hadCopy !req
1581. better things to worry aboutCopy !req
1582. than your looks and basic hygiene.Copy !req
1583. And now, you're like a guy who would spendCopy !req
1584. $80 on a haircut.Copy !req
1585. Look, I'm still the same guy, I swear.Copy !req
1586. Anthony, you're wearing a tuxedo.Copy !req
1587. I wore this tux 'cause I
thought it's what you wanted.Copy !req
1588. I'm sorry. It's just not.Copy !req
1589. Mmm. I don't know why I'm eating tacos.Copy !req
1590. They go straight to my butt.Copy !req
1591. Oh, really?Copy !req
1592. Yeah, that's horrible, right? Terrible.Copy !req
1593. Hey.Copy !req
1594. So? How'd it go?Copy !req
1595. Well... I blew it.Copy !req
1596. What?Copy !req
1597. Yeah, she liked the old me, the loser me.Copy !req
1598. Mm.Copy !req
1599. I'm sorry, man, I dragged you
through all this for nothing.Copy !req
1600. Hold on, man. You made my dreams come true.Copy !req
1601. Look, I am dating Butt Massage Girl.Copy !req
1602. - I have a name, you know.
- N-n-n... don't.Copy !req
1603. Don't ruin the moment.Copy !req
1604. Yes, we're rich and
famous, but the real youCopy !req
1605. is still in there, just as stupid as ever.Copy !req
1606. And, on a long enough timeline,Copy !req
1607. all $85 haircuts become $10 haircutsCopy !req
1608. if you let them grow out long enough.Copy !req
1609. You're right.Copy !req
1610. Of course I'm right.Copy !req
1611. I'm always right, right?Copy !req
1612. - You're always right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1613. You can do this, Anthony.Copy !req
1614. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1615. Who here loves The Deadmau5?Copy !req
1616. Boom.Copy !req
1617. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
1618. our rich and famous
alumni, Anthony Padilla,Copy !req
1619. has a song he'd like to perform,
and since he's rich and famous,Copy !req
1620. I'm gonna allow him to do
whatever he wants here tonight.Copy !req
1621. Let's get ready to rock balls to
Magic Pocket Slave Monsters!Copy !req
1622. - Yeah!
- Whoo!Copy !req
1623. That's my friend up there.Copy !req
1624. That's his friend.Copy !req
1625. This song goes out to a very special ladyCopy !req
1626. out here in the crowd tonight.Copy !req
1627. You rock, Anthony!Copy !req
1628. Take it off! Take it off!Copy !req
1629. Hit it, Mr. Ellis.Copy !req
1630. Whoa!Copy !req
1631. I did the flip.Copy !req
1632. - He did the flip.
- He did the flip!Copy !req
1633. I did the flip!Copy !req
1634. You should be up there with him.Copy !req
1635. You're right.Copy !req
1636. Rock balls!Copy !req
1637. You're crazy.Copy !req
1638. See, I told you.Copy !req
1639. How do I know this is real? How do I knowCopy !req
1640. you're not just showing
me what I want to see?Copy !req
1641. Well, you're just gonna
have to trust me, Anna.Copy !req
1642. Wh... wh... whoa!Copy !req
1643. Aah!Copy !req
1644. Dude, I think he's gonna be okay.Copy !req
1645. Wh... wh... whoa! Oh!Copy !req
1646. Nope, he's dead.Copy !req
1647. Oh, my God, call the police!Copy !req
1648. It really is you.Copy !req
1649. I'll never pay more than
$10 for a haircut again.Copy !req
1650. Promise?Copy !req
1651. Oh!Copy !req
1652. Oh!Copy !req
1653. - I'm so proud of you.
- Wasn't I so good?Copy !req
1654. - You were so good.
- I'm so good at dancing.Copy !req
1655. You were so good.Copy !req
1656. Anna Reed's in the house, y'all!Copy !req
1657. Hi, I'm Anna.Copy !req
1658. Nice to meet you. My name's Brad.Copy !req
1659. What the fuck?Copy !req
1660. Okay, do it again.Copy !req
1661. And...Copy !req
1662. Bleah!Copy !req
1663. M.C. Hammer time.Copy !req
1664. And, action!Copy !req
1665. Cut. Get that mask off.Copy !req
1666. Yeah, yeah, my nipples are
a little hard right now.Copy !req
1667. Puttin' in a few hours at the gym.Copy !req
1668. I'll be the CEO of Pizza
Co., rollin' in the dough.Copy !req
1669. Yeah. Yeah, that was a pun.Copy !req
1670. CEO Anthony.Copy !req
1671. Right from the top rope.
Damn, I've never done itCopy !req
1672. in the top rope, that's why I'm
having a hard time with that.Copy !req
1673. - All right, here we go.
- And...Copy !req
1674. - Oh! I'm giving birth!
- Aah!Copy !req
1675. - I'm giving birth!
- Oh!Copy !req
1676. That was really early.Copy !req
1677. Who's gonna watch me enslave
all these cute, adorable,Copy !req
1678. fuzzy creaters?Copy !req
1679. I said "creaters." What's a creater?Copy !req
1680. Cut.Copy !req
1681. Just do the other guy's
line... do Ian's line?Copy !req
1682. Yeah.Copy !req
1683. "The other guy"?Copy !req
1684. - Sorry.
- "The other guy"?Copy !req
1685. It slipped out. It slipped out.Copy !req
1686. I'm out.Copy !req
1687. - You're the other guy.
- I'm the other guy.Copy !req
1688. I'm "the guy" and he's "the other guy."Copy !req
1689. Yeah.Copy !req
1690. I have a raging boner right now.Copy !req
1691. Me too.Copy !req
1692. I love you.Copy !req
1693. I love you too.Copy !req
1694. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1695. It's okay.Copy !req
1696. It's okay. Let's go, that's fine.Copy !req
1697. Let's go, let's go.Copy !req
1698. Well.Copy !req