1. (Roscoe Lee Browne)
This is the story
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2. of how a person got from point A
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3. to point Z.
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4. Some call it fate,
others, chance.
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5. But whatever you call it,
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6. it sure is an interesting
thing to ponder, don't you think?
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7. The twisted paths
our lives follow.
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8. How did you get here?
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9. The place where you are
right now at this very moment.
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10. What series of events
Brought you to this place?
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11. At this specific point in time?
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12. Where are you in life?
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13. Are things turning out
the way you'd planned?
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14. And By the way,
when was the last time
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15. you spoke with your parents?
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16. Don't you think
you ought to give
them a call?
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17. To thank them
for the set of circumstances
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18. that Brought them together,
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19. at a certain place,
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20. at a certain moment in time,
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21. when you were created.
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22. U hh,
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23. what were we talking about?
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24. How you got here.
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25. Yeah.
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26. Jesus Christ, I can't believe
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27. I'm still so...
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28. uh,
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29. Stoned?
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30. Yeah!
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31. A glass of orange juice
sure would hit the spot
aBout now, wouldn't it?
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32. And some Tostitos.
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33. That's it!
Oh, man!
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34. That's exactly
what I'm thinking!
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35. OJ and Tostitos!
Jesus!
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36. It's like you're
reading my thoughts or something!
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37. I am.
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38. Whoa.
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39. So go on.
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40. What am I thinking about now?
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41. Well, there are many
thoughts racing through
your head.
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42. The first concerns
the orange juice and Tostitos.
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43. Yeah.
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44. And the second,
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45. the second thought,
oh, how it vexes you.
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46. Uh-huh.
What is it?
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47. It is this.
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48. Why are you having a conversation
with Roscoe Lee Browne?
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49. Ha!
Roscoe Lee?
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50. Holy shit!
You're famous!
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51. Yes, I am.
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52. I can't fucking
believe I'm having a conversation
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53. with Roscoe Lee Browne!
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54. Okay. Ready
for numBer three?
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55. You bet I am, Roscoe.
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56. Your third thought
is simply this. ;
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57. How in the hell
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58. did I end up on a ferris wheel?
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59. How did you know that?
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60. Because, you fucking pothead,
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61. you're talking to yourself.
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62. Shit. How the hell
did I get here?
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63. [Jane, stoned]
I guess mayBe it was
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64. a little early in the morning to
Be getting stoned.
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65. But whatever, you know.
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66. It's not like I just sit around
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67. collecting checks
from my parents or something.
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68. I did that regional
soda ad a while Back,
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69. Doctor Bjorn's Famous
Old-Fashioned Root Beer.
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70. MayBe you saw
it? Anyhow, Between that
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71. and unemployment I
get By. Bla-Bla-Bla.
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72. All I know is this game is
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73. so fucking cool
when you're high.
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74. They say a true pothead
stops getting the munchies
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75. after a certain point.
I mean, a true pothead
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76. wouldn't even say
the word "munchies." I don't know
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77. what the true pothead would say,
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78. "Munchos" or "hungries"
or something.
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79. At any rate, I still
love to eat when I'm high.
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80. So fuck you if you're too cool
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81. to get hungry
when you're stoned.
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82. My free one year supply
of Doctor Bjorn's. Neat, huh?
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83. I n the six months
I've lived with my roommate, Steve,
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84. I've never seen him get high.
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85. Not once.
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86. He even kind of looks down
on me for doing it.
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87. God, you are so pathetic.
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88. Huh?
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89. Here's the deal with Steve.
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90. He scares me.
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91. Oh, hi, Steve.
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92. See what I mean?
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93. Steve's one of those
"Dress in costume
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94. and wait in line
for Star Wars" types,
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95. But angry.
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96. Real anti-social.
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97. I've always tried
to stay on Steve's good side,
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98. who knows what can
happen with a weirdo like that?
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99. Mm!
Mm!
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100. I know he made
that sign telling me not to,
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101. But I had a counterplan.
A really good counterplan.
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102. I would Bake
Steve some more cupcakes.
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103. Some even Better cupcakes.
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104. And then,
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105. I recognized the true nature
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106. of the cupcakes I had consumed.
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107. Oh, shit.
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108. Oh, fuck.
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109. Listen, Jane.
I really busted my ass
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110. getting you this
audition so please, please, please
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111. don't fuck it up.
It seems like you don't even give
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112. a shit about any of this.
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113. Do you?
Do you even give a shit?
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114. I give a shit.
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115. Plan... need a plan.
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116. My plan.
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117. NumBer one.
Buy more pot.
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118. You know, so I can make more
cupcakes for Steve.
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119. NumBer two. ; use
the money Steve left
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120. for the power Bill to
purchase said pot.
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121. That way I
can Bake some fresh cupcakes
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122. Before he gets Back.
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123. Then I'll go to my audition.
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124. I mean, numBer three. ;
go to my audition.
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125. I've never Been to an audition
this stoned Before.
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126. But I'd Be willing to wager
that I'd Be damned good
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127. Because I'll Be even
more in touch with my creative self
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128. That's not really
a part of the plan. Scratch that.
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129. Four. ; hit the cash machine,
zip on over to pay that power Bill,
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130. pick up cupcake
supplies at the store
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131. and head on Back
to home Base to Bake 'em up.
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132. Not bad... for a person
who happens to be quite stoned.
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133. You're baked.
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134. No.
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135. What makes you think that?
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136. J ust, you know, the usual.
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137. Actually, you
better make it a full ounce.
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138. I'm gonna
be making some cupcakes.
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139. You got it.
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140. (dealer)
What's going on over there?
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141. Who's there?
Is someone in my apartment?
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142. Man, you really are stoned.
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143. NumBer one. ;
Buy more pot.
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144. You're like 40 short.
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145. Can I just...
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146. you know...
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147. Goddamn it, Jane,
this is the last time.
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148. You have to pay me back today.
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149. No problem-o.
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150. I'm marking it down...
in the book.
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151. I just gotta hit
the cash machine, my man.
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152. (dealer)
It's all aBout capitalism
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153. and shit like that, you know?
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154. Who creates the joBs?
Where do they come from?
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155. The profits I make, for example,
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156. trickle down through the economy
in ways I can't even comprehend.
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157. It makes sense.
I'm totally vibing you, dude.
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158. Yeah, simple Reaganomics
apply to the production of hemp.
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159. Well, I don't think that really
qualifies as Reaganomics, but...
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160. What are you talking about?
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161. Just because weed isn't taxed
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162. doesn't mean it exists in
some sort of,
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163. you know, laissez faire paradigm
or whatever.
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164. Did you just use "paradigm"
in a sentence?
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165. Yeah, man.
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166. I mean, what you do
is great and all,
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167. God bless you
for it, but it sounds
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168. like plain old market
capitalism to me.
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169. It's Reaganomics.
Trust me.
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170. What about it is Reaganomics?
The black market isn't taxed.
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171. Listen, Jane,
you're fucking stoned
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172. and I happen to be very knowledgeable
about this.
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173. Whoopee! You own a UV lamp.
Let's start the revolution!
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174. What the fuck do you know about
economics anyway?
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175. Well... I majored in economics
in college
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176. and graduated fucking Summa.
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177. I think I know a thing or two
about it.
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178. I thought you were an actress.
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179. Economics didn't
really work out.
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180. This is where I'll be.
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181. Meet me there with the money at
three o'clock.
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182. Yeah.
Okay.
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183. (Jane)
What is this?
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184. I've never even heard of half of
these movies.
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185. (Jane)
Oh.
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186. Actually, my
roommate's hosting this
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187. science fiction nerd convention
this weekend
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188. with his buddies flying in from
Toledo and...
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189. Hey!
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190. Three o'clock!
Meet me in Venice
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191. with the money at three.
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192. Do not make me send
my associates over here
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193. to collect the hard way.
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194. You mean, like kill me?
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195. No, Jesus.
Of course not.
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196. So you'll probably just break my
arms, then?
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197. Break your arms? Janey, what
the fuck?
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198. I'm a dude who sells weed,
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199. I'm not Tony fucking Soprano.
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200. Well, what then?
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201. I don't know.
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202. Take your furniture,
or something.
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203. H mm.
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204. So, Jane,
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205. what's the deal
with your roommate?
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206. Steve?
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207. What about him?
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208. He gives me the creeps.
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209. I think he might be one of those
skull fuckers.
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210. Know what I'm saying?
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211. I bet that dude fucks skulls,
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212. with candles and shit.
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213. Oh my God!
You're right!
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214. He's a fucking freak.
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215. So, listen.
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216. It would be a shame if you didn't pay
me back today,
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217. and in addition to taking
your furniture,
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218. I had to tell your roommate
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219. how you spent the cash for
the power bill.
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220. Hello?
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221. (Kyle)
Jane?
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222. Hey!
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223. Is this...?
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224. Who is this?
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225. It's Kyle.
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226. Oh, hey, baby, what's up?
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227. You asked me to call you
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228. to remind you to go
to that audition?
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229. Are you stoned?
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230. Stoned?
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231. It's fucking 10.;45
in the morning.
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232. Know what, Jane?
This isn't really working out.
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233. I-I don't understand.
You're speaking in riddles.
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234. Kyle, you need to
listen very carefully
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235. to what I'm saying and stop trying to
confuse the issue.
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236. What? Wait, Kyle!
I can't hear you!
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237. Kyle! Hold on!
I just have to... Shut up!
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238. Oh, shit.
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239. Kyle? You still there?
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240. Now what am I gonna do?
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241. I can't.
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242. I daren't.
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243. I really shouldn't.
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244. The government weed.
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245. I was saving the government
weed for a special occasion,
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246. But the government weed will fetch
a fair price on the open market.
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247. A very fair price.
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248. MayBe just enough
to Bail me out of this jam.
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249. NumBer three. ;
Go to my audition.
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250. Whoa.
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251. That was intense.
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252. Getting on?
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253. I've never ridden
a bus in L.A. Before.
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254. This is gonna be fun.
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255. Yeah, you're in
for a real treat.
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256. Hey I You squashed BoBBy's car.
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257. He spent weeks putting
that together.
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258. Hey, right on.
Look what you've done.
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259. (woman)
I saw her. She just
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260. fell right over.
She didn't even try to stay up.
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261. Hey! One
thirty-five!
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262. Okay.
Hold on.
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263. Get up.
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264. I'm trying.
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265. There's something
wrong with her.
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266. There's nothing
wrong with me, lady.
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267. What was it doing on the
floor anyway?
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268. It wasn't on the floor,
fucking pothead.
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269. You knocked it out of his hands.
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270. I saw it.
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271. I'm sorry.
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272. That's not gonna bring his car back.
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273. I think she's on drugs.
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274. He built that for
his grandfather,
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275. in the hospital.
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276. Hey, lady!
One thirty five!
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277. I'm getting it!
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278. Hey!
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279. Hey!
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280. That was a close one.
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281. (Jane)
"Come on, Frank.
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282. "You know I love surprises.
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283. That's a fact. I'm always willing
to make exceptions."
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284. What a piece of shit.
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285. "Come on, Frank.
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286. "You know I love surprises.
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287. That's a fact. I'm always willing
to make exceptions?"
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288. "I'm always willing
to make exceptions!"
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289. (shouts)
"I'm always willing
to make exceptions!
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290. (shouts)
"I'm always willing
to make exceptions!"
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291. (Jane)
Four. Hit the cash machine.
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292. Wha...? I had over a thousand dollars
in this account!
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293. Oh, yeah.
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294. Oh, no!
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295. (distorted)
Take your furniture or something like that.
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296. No! Not my bed!
Not my Sleep Number bed!
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297. (security guard)
Hey I
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298. You forgot to sign in.
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299. "Come on, Frank. You know I
love surprises."
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300. Have a seat.
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301. Hi.
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302. Do you have any gum?
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303. Uhm,
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304. I, uh,
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305. wait.
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306. Holy shit! Where'd this come from?
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307. Do you want some?
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308. No, thank you!
No, no, no.
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309. Seriously. I could really use the cash.
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310. No, I don't.
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311. 200 bucks.
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312. No, I don't want any.
No. I don't want it.
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313. I'm really
stoned. Sorry.
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314. (male voice, echoing)
Janel Janel
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315. Yeah!
Yes, here!
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316. Are you ready?
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317. You betcha!
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318. Hello.
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319. Hi! I'm Jane.
It's nice to meet you.
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320. I, um, heard a lot about you.
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321. Excuse me?
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322. Nothing.
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323. Whee!
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324. Are you alright?
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325. I'm fantastic!
How are you?
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326. I'm fine.
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327. Great!
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328. Hang on a second.
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329. What?
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330. Huh?
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331. Did you just say something?
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332. Who, me?
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333. Yes.
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334. I'm sorry. I didn't realize
I had spoken.
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335. Are you ready?
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336. I sure am.
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337. Are you ready?
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338. I sure am.
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339. Okay.
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340. (yelling)
"Come on, Frank!
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341. You know
I love surprises!"
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342. I'm gonna stop you right there.
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343. I want you to do it again,
but this time,
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344. pull it way back.
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345. Okay. Sure.
Sure. You got it.
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346. (robotic voice)
"Come on, Frank. You
know I love surprises."
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347. What are you doing?
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348. I'm pulling it back.
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349. Not that much. Can't you find
some middle ground?
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350. You better believe
I can find a middle ground!
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351. Middle ground is my middle name!
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352. Thank you.
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353. So how'd I do?
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354. You did some very interesting work.
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355. Really?
Yes!
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356. Well, thanks.
You have a wonderful day.
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357. Hey, let me ask you something.
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358. Do you want to buy some pot?
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359. Are you trying to sell me drugs?
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360. Well...
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361. Young lady, have a seat outside!
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362. Gee, you don't have to yell.
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363. Sit!
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364. Here?
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365. In the waiting area!
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366. BoB I Get in herel
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367. Tried to sell me marijuana.
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368. Hey! Guys, I
was just kidding.
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369. She tried to sell you what?
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370. I'm taking a shit!
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371. Hold on!
I'm shitting!
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372. I'm just taking a shit!
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373. Still shitting!
Nothing to worry about.
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374. I'm just taking a big old dump.
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375. That's it.
All done.
I'm finished.
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376. You got nothing on me!
Nada! Zilcho!
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377. Go ahead and frisk me!
Give it your best shot!
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378. Hello there, Smiley.
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379. (male voice)
H I, Jane.
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380. (dealer)
Meet me in Venice at three.
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381. You better get going.
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382. I'm way ahead of
you, Smiley. Way ahead of you.
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383. Shelly!
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384. (recording)
This is Shelly.
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385. Please leave a message.
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386. (Jane)
Hey, Shelly I Guess whol
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387. So, listen. I'm
looking for a ride
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388. out to Venice for this Hemp
Festival thing.
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389. And it sounds cool, right?
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390. Anyway, I thought
you might dig it.
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391. But I guess you're not there.
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392. U m,
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393. Jesus, Shelly, I'm so fucking stoned
you wouldn't believe it!
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394. Call me.
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395. (Angela, recorded)
Hi, please leave a message
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396. for me or Tony
after the Beep.
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397. U h,
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398. who is this again?
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399. (M uriel)
Hello?
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400. Mrs. Green?
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401. Yes.
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402. It's Jane!
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403. Who?
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404. Jane! I studied
clarinet with you!
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405. It doesn't really ring a...
Hmm, I, I don't...
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406. Brevin Ericson.
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407. Oh, boy.
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408. (Roscoe)
Shall we say a few words
aBout Brevin Ericson?
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409. Shall we say a few words about love?
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410. For Brevin Ericson
is completely,
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411. 100% head over heels in love.
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412. Perhaps it's difficult
for you to comprehend
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413. how anyBody could Be
so passionately inclined toward
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414. someone like this.
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415. But do not judge
her too harshly.
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416. After all, how was she to know they
were pot cupcakes?
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417. And ask yourselves,
who amongst you
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418. might not have done the same?
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419. Who are we to judge heartBeats in a
young man's heart?
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420. (Steve)
Do you want Lightning Strikes Thrice?
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421. (Brevin)
Yeah.
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422. Do you want Secret Secret Agents?
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423. I already have...
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424. Exactly.
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425. Dude, your roommate
is kind of hot.
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426. You're kidding, right?
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427. You're so good.
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428. Nol
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429. Oh, Brevin I
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430. You're Beating me.
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431. Damn it I
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432. Oh, Brevin, right in there.
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433. Oh I
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434. Oh, yeah.
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435. But...
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436. I thought you had a boyfriend.
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437. We're kinda taking a break right now.
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438. Mm-hmm.
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439. What's that got
to do with anything?
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440. I'm talking about something bigger
than our petty yearnings.
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441. Of course.
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442. So are we doing this or what?
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443. Well...
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444. Come on, man. It's going to be
fucking transformative.
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445. It sounds great.
I just...
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446. What?
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447. I, uh...
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448. So, you are sure you want to come to
the dentist with me?
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449. Absolutely, man.
Absolutely.
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450. Let me just drop you off at a coffee
shop or something.
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451. No, not necessary, my good man.
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452. I'm really looking
forward to it.
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453. So last week they worked on
my left side.
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454. Today they're gonna
finish on my right.
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455. And I tell you, Jane, they really get
in there deep with the scraping.
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456. A deep scraping?
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457. Yeah.
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458. That sounds fucking awesome.
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459. Maybe I should get one.
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460. I think you need an appointment.
Copy !req
461. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
462. An appointment.
Copy !req
463. Yep, that's pretty
funny I guess.
Copy !req
464. I don't even know
what I'm laughing at.
Copy !req
465. So, how much do you think you'd need?
Copy !req
466. I don't know.
Like five...
Copy !req
467. Dollars?
Copy !req
468. Yeah, I need to borrow $5.
Copy !req
469. Well, what then?
Like $500?
Copy !req
470. Yeah, that should do it.
Copy !req
471. Really?
Copy !req
472. Hey, if you can't,
it's no biggie.
Copy !req
473. No, I can swing that.
Copy !req
474. Really?
Copy !req
475. You're gonna pay me back, right?
Copy !req
476. Absolutely.
Of course.
Copy !req
477. My wallet's in the glove box.
Get it for me?
Copy !req
478. I may have five C notes right here.
Copy !req
479. That would be so fucking great.
Copy !req
480. Nope. I don't
have it.
Copy !req
481. We're gonna have to stop at a machine.
Copy !req
482. Why do you need
500 dollars again?
Copy !req
483. Well...
Copy !req
484. I don't think Steve
would fuck a skull.
Copy !req
485. Why do you keep it in the glove box?
Copy !req
486. What?
Copy !req
487. Your wallet.
Copy !req
488. It's too thick.
It hurts my butt when I'm driving.
Copy !req
489. That makes total sense.
Copy !req
490. Hey!
Copy !req
491. What?
Copy !req
492. Oh I I've Been to that housel
Copy !req
493. Which house?
Copy !req
494. That one back there!
Copy !req
495. An old college
professor of mine lives there.
Copy !req
496. Really?
Copy !req
497. Yeah.
Copy !req
498. He was a pretty good dude.
Copy !req
499. What'd he teach?
Copy !req
500. Marxist studies.
Copy !req
501. Marxist studies.
Copy !req
502. Yup.
Copy !req
503. He introduced me to some pretty
out there concepts.
Copy !req
504. Some pretty radical ideas.
Copy !req
505. So,
Were you, like, seeing him?
Copy !req
506. What do you mean,
"seeing him?"
Copy !req
507. Were you seeing him?
Copy !req
508. Do you mean like dating him?
Copy !req
509. Yeah.
Copy !req
510. Ew! He was a fucking
Marxist, man!
Copy !req
511. Marxist?
Copy !req
512. Why would you even ask something
like that?
Copy !req
513. Oh.
Copy !req
514. There's a space.
Copy !req
515. Where?
Copy !req
516. Right there, man!
Copy !req
517. Come on, dude!
We don't want to be late
Copy !req
518. for that dentist
appointment of yours!
Copy !req
519. Uh, right, right.
Right.
Copy !req
520. You comin' or what?
Copy !req
521. Yeah.
Copy !req
522. So are you scared?
Copy !req
523. About what, the dentist?
Copy !req
524. No, I've never really been bothered
by going to the dentist.
Copy !req
525. It would freak the shit out of me
right now if I had to go in there.
Copy !req
526. I don't think I could handle it.
Copy !req
527. I kind of like it.
Copy !req
528. I mean, it's not like I'm a masochist
or anything, it's just,
Copy !req
529. well, in a way, it
makes me feel like,
Copy !req
530. yeah,
Copy !req
531. my teeth are being taken care of,
you know?
Copy !req
532. It make me feel...
Copy !req
533. prosperous.
Copy !req
534. I'm sorry, were you talking
about something?
Copy !req
535. Um,
Copy !req
536. Oh, yeah. Great.
Copy !req
537. It makes you feel prosperous
or something.
Copy !req
538. I'm bored.
Copy !req
539. Ericson?
Copy !req
540. That's me.
Copy !req
541. Okay, I guess I will see you
in a little bit.
Copy !req
542. Till we meet again
Copy !req
543. Okay.
Copy !req
544. He's not my boyfriend
or anything.
Copy !req
545. Just a friend.
Copy !req
546. In case you were wondering what
my relationship to him was.
Copy !req
547. Or not.
Copy !req
548. How's it going?
Copy !req
549. Thanks, Gina.
Copy !req
550. Oh! Thank
fucking God!
Copy !req
551. This has been
the longest, dullest...
Copy !req
552. most uncomfortable thing I can remember
ever doing.
Copy !req
553. I really thought I was gonna die
of boredom.
Copy !req
554. I gotta pay still.
Copy !req
555. Oh, come on.
Can't we go already?
Copy !req
556. (Brevin)
Hey, Jane. What time
do you think it was
Copy !req
557. that I picked you?
Copy !req
558. What was that?
Copy !req
559. Hey.
Copy !req
560. Why don't you come over here while
your friend's talking to you?
Copy !req
561. Young lady, come here.
Copy !req
562. Come here!
Copy !req
563. Look at me.
Copy !req
564. Look at me.
I'm not playing games here.
Copy !req
565. It's really bright out, officer.
Copy !req
566. Would you mind removing your hand
from your forehead?
Copy !req
567. It's really bright out.
Copy !req
568. What's your name?
Copy !req
569. Uh...
Copy !req
570. Christy?
Copy !req
571. You don't sound too sure of that.
Copy !req
572. No, it's Christy.
Copy !req
573. Well, Christy,
Copy !req
574. how come your friend just called you
Jane a second ago?
Copy !req
575. Jane's, uh, my...
Copy !req
576. religious name?
Copy !req
577. Your religious name?
Copy !req
578. Am I under arrest?
Copy !req
579. Why would you be under arrest?
Copy !req
580. Have you done something I should
know about?
Copy !req
581. No, l... shit.
I mean, shoot!
Copy !req
582. Sir, do you mind opening your
trunk for me?
Copy !req
583. My trunk?
Copy !req
584. No. Wait, excuse me. We called you
because... my car...
Copy !req
585. Now, Christy,
Copy !req
586. am I gonna find whatever kind of drugs
you're on in here?
Copy !req
587. Christy.
Copy !req
588. Chris-ty.
Copy !req
589. Oh, Jesus Christ, Jane!
Copy !req
590. Yeah?
Copy !req
591. Her name's not Christy,
it's Jane.
Copy !req
592. I don't even know why you're
doing that.
Copy !req
593. What do you have in here, son?
Copy !req
594. I don't know.
Just some stuff.
Copy !req
595. Folders that I was supposed
Copy !req
596. to Bring to my dad's office
But didn't Because he's an ass.
Copy !req
597. What's that?
Copy !req
598. A tennis racket.
Copy !req
599. And that is a tennis Ball. I wish I
had more, But my dog eats them.
Copy !req
600. Jack head, paper clips,
Copy !req
601. shoes,
Copy !req
602. Hello.
Copy !req
603. Hi.
Copy !req
604. You're a little early.
Copy !req
605. Well, are you coming in or what?
Copy !req
606. Huh.
Copy !req
607. (Shirley)
Peter's not Back from the airport yet.
Copy !req
608. So why don't you just have a seat and
I 'll go get it for you?
Copy !req
609. Okay.
Copy !req
610. Would you like something to drink?
Copy !req
611. Uh, do you have any lemonade?
Copy !req
612. Oh, no. I'm sorry.
How about some orange juice?
Copy !req
613. Yeah, that sounds good actually.
Copy !req
614. All right.
Are you hungry?
Copy !req
615. Well... now that
you mention it,
Copy !req
616. I wouldn't mind something to
munch on.
Copy !req
617. You know, like chips or whatever.
Copy !req
618. Well, let me see what I can find.
Copy !req
619. Here we go.
Copy !req
620. Thanks.
Copy !req
621. What's with the corn?
Copy !req
622. Excuse me?
Copy !req
623. Oh, that's a photo of Peter's.
Copy !req
624. I suppose that's his idea of avant
garde or something.
Copy !req
625. How long have you been Peter's T.A.?
Copy !req
626. Who?
Copy !req
627. Peter.
Copy !req
628. Oh, you mean Professor Harwood.
Copy !req
629. Yes.
Copy !req
630. Well, for quite a while now.
Copy !req
631. I guess it didn't work out with
that other girl.
Copy !req
632. I guess not.
Copy !req
633. Well, it's very nice to meet you, uh...
Copy !req
634. Jane.
Copy !req
635. Jane. I'm Shirley,
Peter's mother.
Copy !req
636. Shirley, of course.
Peter talks about you all the time.
Copy !req
637. He does?
Copy !req
638. Oh, yeah.
Constantly.
Copy !req
639. I 'll just go and
get what you came for,
Copy !req
640. so that you can be on your way.
Copy !req
641. That is where corn chips come from.
Copy !req
642. Hmm, maybe old Professor Harwood
is onto something.
Copy !req
643. He probably really loves corn,
Copy !req
644. and all corn related products.
Copy !req
645. I mean, isn't that what
you're supposed to put in a frame?
Copy !req
646. Things you love?
Copy !req
647. I'm gonna do that.
When I get home,
Copy !req
648. I'm gonna frame
a Bunch of stuff I love.
Copy !req
649. Like lasagna.
I love lasagna.
Copy !req
650. It's so good, and cheesy.
Copy !req
651. You know who else loves lasagna?
Garfield.
Copy !req
652. Man, that cat really
loves lasagna.
Copy !req
653. MayBe I should put
a picture of Garfield in a frame.
Copy !req
654. As a kind of shorthand way of saying
I love lasagna.
Copy !req
655. That would Be so fucking inside.
Copy !req
656. Or how aBout a photo
of President Garfield?
Copy !req
657. Oh, shit. That'd
Be totally meta.
Copy !req
658. People would Be all like,
"Jane, why do you have a photo
Copy !req
659. of President Garfield
on your mantle?"
Copy !req
660. And I'd Be like
"Because I like lasagna, of course."
Copy !req
661. Oh, my, what happened?
Copy !req
662. Did you fall?
Copy !req
663. Yes, that's exactly
what happened.
Copy !req
664. I was reaching for something and
I kind of rolled off.
Copy !req
665. Well, are you all right?
Copy !req
666. Oh yeah, I'm fine.
Copy !req
667. Are you hiding from someone?
Copy !req
668. Of course not.
Why would you ask that?
Copy !req
669. It seems like you're hiding
from somebody.
Copy !req
670. I don't know what you're talking
about, Shirley.
Copy !req
671. Well,
Copy !req
672. here you go.
Copy !req
673. Great. Thanks
a lot.
Copy !req
674. Now I'm sure Peter's told
you this already,
Copy !req
675. but he wanted me to be sure to tell
you to take this
Copy !req
676. straight to his office
and put it in the safe.
Copy !req
677. Oh, of course.
Copy !req
678. Well, I guess that's it then.
Copy !req
679. Okay.
Copy !req
680. See yah.
Copy !req
681. Holy fucking shit.
Copy !req
682. Oh!
Copy !req
683. Hi.
Copy !req
684. Hi.
Copy !req
685. I'm just waiting for my clothes
to dry.
Copy !req
686. Those are my clothes.
Copy !req
687. Right. I'm waiting for your clothes
to dry, so that I can...
Copy !req
688. dry my clothes.
Copy !req
689. Where are your clothes?
Copy !req
690. In my bathtub.
Copy !req
691. Excuse me.
Copy !req
692. Hey,
Copy !req
693. let me ask you something.
Copy !req
694. Suppose you had a very rare...
Copy !req
695. Let go of my arm.
Copy !req
696. Sorry.
Copy !req
697. We're cool.
We're just talking here, right?
Copy !req
698. Laundry buddies.
Copy !req
699. Do you even live
in this building?
Copy !req
700. That's not relevant right now,
laundry buddy.
Copy !req
701. Let's suppose a person had in
their possession,
Copy !req
702. a very old...
very rare...
Copy !req
703. book.
Copy !req
704. What kind of book?
Copy !req
705. A very influential book.
Copy !req
706. A book that has changed history.
Copy !req
707. I have no idea what the fuck
you're talking about.
Copy !req
708. Hey, dude. What's with
the hostility?
Copy !req
709. You give me the creeps.
Copy !req
710. The creeps?
Copy !req
711. Take it somewhere else
Copy !req
712. before I call the cops?
Copy !req
713. Whoa! Hold
on there!
Copy !req
714. If you want me to leave,
I can go.
Copy !req
715. Thank you.
Copy !req
716. I'm going, dude.
Copy !req
717. Goodbye, dude.
Copy !req
718. It's always me.
Copy !req
719. Sweet mother of Christ.
Copy !req
720. What're you doing?
Copy !req
721. I'm just, I was trying...
Copy !req
722. I'm calling the cops.
Copy !req
723. Hey, don't do that.
Copy !req
724. I'm gonna give it back.
I swear!
Copy !req
725. What use could I possibly
have for a musty 200-year old book?
Copy !req
726. (laundry guy)
Don't put me on hold I
Copy !req
727. Hey!
Copy !req
728. She's getting away I will find
you I am a Marine Reservist I
Copy !req
729. Phew.
Copy !req
730. No.
Copy !req
731. Wow, do you look fucked up.
Copy !req
732. Come on, Hercules.
Copy !req
733. Aw, cute pig.
Copy !req
734. The truck bed's open.
Copy !req
735. It's headed west.
Copy !req
736. To Venice.
Copy !req
737. I don't see the connection.
Copy !req
738. Wait a minute.
It's coming to me.
Copy !req
739. Buzz.
Copy !req
740. It smells like sausage in here.
Copy !req
741. Time for a revised plan.
Copy !req
742. NumBer one. ;
Get to that Hemp Festival.
Copy !req
743. NumBer two. ; Try to convince Steve
not to steal my furniture.
Copy !req
744. Especially not
my Bed. Oh God.
Copy !req
745. Anything But that.
Copy !req
746. NumBer three. ; Once I've convinced
Steve not to steal my Bed,
Copy !req
747. try to figure out a way to return the
Communist Manifesto
Copy !req
748. without getting arrested. PossiBly via
the U.S. Postal Service.
Copy !req
749. No, GloBal Express
is much more reliaBle.
Copy !req
750. Now that sounds like an awesome
revised plan.
Copy !req
751. Next stop. ;
Venice, California.
Copy !req
752. (AIBert)
Holy shit I
Copy !req
753. What?
Copy !req
754. Dude.
Copy !req
755. Are we in Venice yet?
Copy !req
756. Venice?
Copy !req
757. Lady, we, we're
in fucking
El Monte.
Copy !req
758. Where?
Copy !req
759. Do you guys kill pigs here?
Copy !req
760. No, that happens way before
they get here.
Copy !req
761. We keep the pigs on ice though, until
we need them.
Copy !req
762. Shut the fuck up.
Copy !req
763. Albert, she asked.
Copy !req
764. Hey, fellas.
Copy !req
765. Now you did it.
Copy !req
766. (Spencer)
What are you doing on the floor?
Copy !req
767. Who the hell are you?
Copy !req
768. You know the rules, Mikey.
No girlfriends allowed in the plant.
Copy !req
769. Oh no, Mr. Spencer,
this isn't my girl...
Copy !req
770. I'm not his girlfriend, dude.
Believe me.
Copy !req
771. Mikey, Albert, would you mind
explaining to me
Copy !req
772. what's going on here?
Copy !req
773. Uh...
Copy !req
774. I'm here to organize a union.
Copy !req
775. What?
Copy !req
776. That's right.
I always make it a point
Copy !req
777. to get to know the
workers personally,
Copy !req
778. and these two gentlemen were kind
enough to give me a little tour.
Copy !req
779. Albert, I thought we cleared up
Copy !req
780. all that union
nonsense last year.
Copy !req
781. We did, sir.
I was just showing her the way out.
Copy !req
782. Look, Mr. Spencer,
is it?
Copy !req
783. How much stake do you personally
have in this organization?
Copy !req
784. Well, not that
it's any of your business,
Copy !req
785. but I've got
a very generous benefit package.
Copy !req
786. A generous benefit package.
Copy !req
787. Listen to how quickly
the lackey adopts
Copy !req
788. the language of his master.
Copy !req
789. Ma'am, I am going
to ask you one time nicely.
Copy !req
790. Tell your people
that we are not interested.
Copy !req
791. I 'll tell my people all right.
Copy !req
792. But first, I have
a little message
Copy !req
793. for you to tell your people.
Copy !req
794. You tell your people
Copy !req
795. the slaughterers of pigs,
the profiteering cowards
Copy !req
796. who dishonestly hide
their dirty business
Copy !req
797. behind a sweet, happy
logo of a cute pig,
Copy !req
798. while they manufacture
misery and death.
Copy !req
799. Ma'am.
Copy !req
800. Please, sir, allow me to finish.
Copy !req
801. J ust look around you.
Copy !req
802. Do you see it?
Can you hear it?
Copy !req
803. And you, sir, stand here
Copy !req
804. in this warehouse of death!
Copy !req
805. And you have
the audacity to tell me
Copy !req
806. that you have
a generous benefit package?
Copy !req
807. And them?
Copy !req
808. Do they have
a generous benefit package?
Copy !req
809. I think we all know
the answer to that. Don't we?
Copy !req
810. It is a tale as old as man.
Copy !req
811. The history
of all hither to existing society,
Copy !req
812. is the history
of class struggle.
Copy !req
813. The free man and slave,
the lord and serf,
Copy !req
814. in a word, oppressor
and oppressed,
Copy !req
815. stood in constant
opposition to one another,
Copy !req
816. carrying on an
uninterrupted fight.
Copy !req
817. A fight that each time ended
Copy !req
818. in either revolutionary
reconstitution of society at large,
Copy !req
819. or in a complete
and total ruin!
Copy !req
820. You tell your people that!
Copy !req
821. You think you're so, um, uh...
Copy !req
822. Jesus! And then you go
on and on about this and that
Copy !req
823. and all this other
bullshit and all I have to say is
Copy !req
824. fuck, man! I mean,
this situation is totally fucked.
Copy !req
825. With a capital!
I mean, have you ever...
Copy !req
826. Do you like even...
Copy !req
827. Well, do you?
Copy !req
828. You tell your people that.
Copy !req
829. Ohhh!
Copy !req
830. Ow.
Copy !req
831. (Steve the dealer)
Meet me in Venice at three.
Copy !req
832. (Shirley)
Take this straight to his
office and put it in the safe.
Copy !req
833. (Steve the dealer)
I'd proBaBly take your furniture.
Copy !req
834. (casting director)
Are you trying to sell me drugs?
Copy !req
835. (policeman)
Young lady, come here.
Copy !req
836. (Brevin)
Jane. Janel
Copy !req
837. (laundry room man)
You give me the creeps.
Copy !req
838. (Brevin)
Christy. Psst.
Chris-ty
Copy !req
839. Psst. Jesusl
Jane. Hey. Jane.
Copy !req
840. (Mikey)
Jane.
Copy !req
841. Hey.
Copy !req
842. What are you doing?
Copy !req
843. I don't even know where I am.
Copy !req
844. Do you want a ride?
Copy !req
845. (Jane)
NumBer one. ; Get to
that Hemp Festival.
Copy !req
846. So you like
to smoke a lot of weed, huh?
Copy !req
847. Not really.
Copy !req
848. So are you like
a Communist or something?
Copy !req
849. No, man.
I'm not
a Communist.
Copy !req
850. What's in Venice that you've got
to go all the way out there for?
Copy !req
851. I'm supposed to
be meeting someone.
Copy !req
852. H mm.
Copy !req
853. Can I ask you something?
Copy !req
854. Sure.
Copy !req
855. If you could, with a single act,
Copy !req
856. change the whole trajectory of your
life, would you do it?
Copy !req
857. The trajectory of my life?
Copy !req
858. Yeah, the direction your
life is headed in. Where you're going.
Copy !req
859. Uh, I don't
know. Um,
Copy !req
860. I guess not. I've got a good
job. Why?
Copy !req
861. I'm thinking about changing the
trajectory of my life, that's all.
Copy !req
862. That's cool.
Copy !req
863. God. I get so horny
when I'm stoned.
Copy !req
864. What?
Copy !req
865. Pot makes me so fucking horny.
Copy !req
866. Does it have that affect on you?
Copy !req
867. I'm not stoned
right now. But...
Copy !req
868. Let's just fuck.
Right here, right now,
Copy !req
869. In the car. In the
middle of this fucking traffic jam.
Copy !req
870. I don't want to get in an accident.
Copy !req
871. Come on, Mikey.
Fuck me.
Copy !req
872. Fuck me right now.
You know you want to.
Copy !req
873. Come on, Mikey.
Fuck me!
Copy !req
874. Fuck mel Yeah I Fuck mel
Copy !req
875. Fuck me!
Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
876. Come on!
Fuck me, Mikey!
Copy !req
877. This traffic sucks, huh?
Copy !req
878. Huh?
Copy !req
879. This traffic...
It sucks.
Copy !req
880. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
881. Right.
Copy !req
882. H mm.
Copy !req
883. Oh, my God! No!
I got to go!
Copy !req
884. We're on the freeway.
What are you doing?
Copy !req
885. I have to stop
my dealer from stealing my bed!
Copy !req
886. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
887. There's no time to...
I gotta... Bye!
Copy !req
888. Jane!
Jane!
Copy !req
889. Where the hell are you going?
Copy !req
890. Jane!
Copy !req
891. NumBer two. ; Try to convince Steve
not to steal my Bed.
Copy !req
892. You shouldn't be walking on the
freeway. It's dangerous.
Copy !req
893. I guess.
Copy !req
894. Where are you headed?
Copy !req
895. Venice.
Copy !req
896. That's where I'm going.
Copy !req
897. I'll give you a lift.
Copy !req
898. Hold on.
Copy !req
899. Well, I hope you find
whatever it is you're looking for.
Copy !req
900. Thanks.
You too.
Copy !req
901. She was nice.
Copy !req
902. Carrot Top!
Copy !req
903. Excuse me, did you
just come from the Hemp Fest?
Copy !req
904. No, man. I'm
from Bethlehem.
Copy !req
905. Oh, sorry.
Copy !req
906. Dude, I'm just fucking with you.
But it's kind of over.
Copy !req
907. What?
Copy !req
908. You're a bong
hit late. It's done-ski.
Copy !req
909. No!
Copy !req
910. Hey, is this the
Thirty-third Annual Venice Hemp Fest?
Copy !req
911. Not any more.
Copy !req
912. Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Copy !req
913. I'm supposed to meet
my dealer here.
Copy !req
914. Do you know him?
His name's Steve.
Copy !req
915. Steve? Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
916. Is he a dude, he's
got like two arms, two legs,
Copy !req
917. And a head.
Copy !req
918. That's Steve.
Yeah.
Copy !req
919. Forget it.
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920. Have a fun ride.
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921. (Roscoe)
In that moment,
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922. perched high aBove the earth,
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923. high aBove those
who had come so far to find her,
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924. Jane knew what she had to do.
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925. Jane was
no schemer, no conniver,
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926. no thief.
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927. Jane knew that
deep down she was pure of heart.
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928. And that she
did not want to contriBute
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929. to the toll of human
misery and suffering in the world.
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930. She knew the time had come
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931. to take responsiBility
for what she'd done,
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932. and to return
the Book to its rightful owner.
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933. That her intentions were honoraBle,
that there'd Be no doubt.
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934. But what puzzled many on that day
was not the virtue of her intentions.
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935. Hey!
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936. What puzzled many was why.
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937. Hey!
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938. By what Bizarre
and convoluted logic,
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939. did she arrive
at the decision
to do
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940. what you're aBout to see?
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941. In short,
what the fuck was she thinking?
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942. Whoa!
Hey!
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943. U p here!
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944. Brevin!
I'm up here!
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945. Oh no.
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946. Heyyy!
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947. Ohhh!
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948. Help.
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949. Whoa.
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950. So, my dad plays
golf with this guy,
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951. who is a pretty good
criminal attorney.
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952. I think he's
a criminal attorney.
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953. He's definitely a lawyer.
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954. I could try to hook
you up with him if you want.
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955. Yeah, that sounds good.
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956. Well, Brevin, it sure
has been a fucking day, huh?
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957. Yeah, I guess.
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958. What a weird fucking dream.
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959. Hey, stoner!
Back to work!
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960. Sorry.
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961. (Roscoe)
This has Been the story
of how a person started at A,
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962. got to Z, and somehow ended up
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963. collecting garBage
By the side of the freeway.
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964. And I think you'll all
agree that much like life itself,
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965. it certainly has
Been... one hell of a crazy ride.
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