1. Once upon a time
there was a lovely princess.Copy !req
2. But she had an enchantment
upon her of a fearful sort...Copy !req
3. which could only be broken
by love's first kiss.Copy !req
4. She was locked away
in a castle...Copy !req
5. guarded by a terrible
fire-breathing dragon.Copy !req
6. Many brave knights had attempted
to free her from this dreadful prison,Copy !req
7. but none prevailed.Copy !req
8. She waited in
the dragon's keep...Copy !req
9. in the highest room
of the tallest tower...Copy !req
10. for her true love
and true love's first kiss.Copy !req
11. Like that's ever gonna happen.Copy !req
12. What a load of—Copy !req
13. Somebody once told me
the world is gonna roll meCopy !req
14. I am not the sharpest tool
in the shedCopy !req
15. She was looking kind of dumb
with her finger and her thumbCopy !req
16. In the shape of an L
on her foreheadCopy !req
17. The years start coming
and they don't stop comingCopy !req
18. Fed to the rules
and I hit the ground runningCopy !req
19. Didn't make sense
not to live for funCopy !req
20. Your brain gets smart
but your head gets dumbCopy !req
21. So much to do
So much to seeCopy !req
22. So what's wrong with
taking the backstreetsCopy !req
23. You'll never know
if you don't goCopy !req
24. You'll never shine
if you don't glowCopy !req
25. Hey, now
You're an all-starCopy !req
26. Get your game on, go playCopy !req
27. Hey, now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paidCopy !req
28. And all that
glitters is goldCopy !req
29. Only shooting stars
break the mouldCopy !req
30. It's a cool place
and they say it gets colderCopy !req
31. You're bundled up now
but wait till you get olderCopy !req
32. But the meteor men
beg to differCopy !req
33. Judging by the hole
in the satellite pictureCopy !req
34. The ice we skate
is getting pretty thinCopy !req
35. The water's getting warm
so you might as well swimCopy !req
36. My world's on fire
How 'bout yoursCopy !req
37. That's the way I like it
and I'll never get boredCopy !req
38. Hey, now, you're an all-starCopy !req
39. Get your game on, go playCopy !req
40. Hey, now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paidCopy !req
41. And all that
glitters is goldCopy !req
42. Only shooting stars
break the mouldCopy !req
43. - Go!
- Go!Copy !req
44. Go. Go. Go.Copy !req
45. Hey, now
You're an all-starCopy !req
46. Get your game on, go playCopy !req
47. Hey, now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paidCopy !req
48. And all that
glitters is goldCopy !req
49. Only shooting stars
break the mouldCopy !req
50. - Think it's in there?
- AI right. Let's get it!Copy !req
51. Whoa. Ho Id on. Do you know
what that thing can do to you?Copy !req
52. Yeah, it'll grind
your bones for its bread.Copy !req
53. Yes, well, actually,
that would be a giant.Copy !req
54. Now, ogres—
They're much worse.Copy !req
55. They'll make a suit
from your freshly peeled skin.Copy !req
56. - No!
- They'll shave your liver.Copy !req
57. Squeeze the jelly
from your eyes!Copy !req
58. - Actually, it's quite good on toast.
- Back! Back, beast!Copy !req
59. Back! I warn ya!Copy !req
60. Right.Copy !req
61. This is the part
where you run away.Copy !req
62. And stay out!Copy !req
63. Wanted. Fairy tale creatures.Copy !req
64. All right. This one's full.Copy !req
65. Take it away!Copy !req
66. - Move it along. Come on! Get up!
- Next!Copy !req
67. Give me that!
Your flying days are over.Copy !req
68. That's 20 pieces of silver
for the witch. Next!Copy !req
69. - Get up! Come on!
- Twenty pieces.Copy !req
70. Sit down there!Copy !req
71. Keep quiet!Copy !req
72. This cage is too small.Copy !req
73. Please don't turn me in.
I'll never be stubborn again.Copy !req
74. I can change.
Please! Give me another chance!Copy !req
75. - Oh, shut up.
- Oh!
- Next!Copy !req
76. - What have you got?
- This little wooden puppet.Copy !req
77. I'm not a puppet.
I'm a real boy.Copy !req
78. Five shillings
for the possessed toy.Copy !req
79. - Take it away.
- Father, please!
Don't let them do this!Copy !req
80. - Help me!
- Next. What have you got?Copy !req
81. Well, I've got a talking donkey.Copy !req
82. Right. Well, that's good for
ten shillings, if you can prove it.Copy !req
83. Oh, go ahead, little fella.Copy !req
84. Well?Copy !req
85. Oh, oh, he's just—
He's just a little nervous.Copy !req
86. He's really quite a chatterbox.
Talk, you bone headed dolt—Copy !req
87. - That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
- No, no, he talks!Copy !req
88. He does. I can talk.
I love to talk.Copy !req
89. I'm the talkingest
damn thing you ever saw.Copy !req
90. - Get her out of my sight.
- No, no!Copy !req
91. I swear! Oh!
He can talk!Copy !req
92. Hey! I can fly!Copy !req
93. - He can fly!
- He can fly!Copy !req
94. - He can talk!
- Ha, ha! That's right, fool!Copy !req
95. Now I'm a flying,
talking donkey.Copy !req
96. You might have seen a house fly,
maybe even a super fly,Copy !req
97. but I bet you are not
never seen a donkey fly.Copy !req
98. Ha, ha!Copy !req
99. Uh-oh.Copy !req
100. Seize him!Copy !req
101. After him!
He's getting away!Copy !req
102. Get him! This way! Turn!Copy !req
103. You there. Ogre!Copy !req
104. Aye?Copy !req
105. By the order of Lord Farquaad,
I am authorised to place
you both under arrest...Copy !req
106. and transport you to
a designated... resettlement facility.Copy !req
107. Oh, really?
You and what army?Copy !req
108. Can I say something to you?Copy !req
109. Listen, you was really, really something
back there. Incredible!Copy !req
110. Are you talking to—
me? Whoa!Copy !req
111. Yes, I was talking to you. Can I
tell you that you was great back there?
Those guards!Copy !req
112. They thought they was all of that.
Then you showed up, and bam!Copy !req
113. They was tripping over themselves
like babes in the woods.Copy !req
114. That really made me
feel good to see that.Copy !req
115. - Oh, that's great. Really.
- Man, it's good to be free.Copy !req
116. Now, why don't you go celebrate your
freedom with your own friends? Hmm?Copy !req
117. But, uh, I don't
have any friends.Copy !req
118. And I'm not going
out there by myself.Copy !req
119. Hey, wait a minute! I got
a great idea! I'll stick with you.Copy !req
120. You're a mean,
green, fighting machine.Copy !req
121. Together we'll scare
the spit out of anybody that crosses us.Copy !req
122. Oh, wow!
That was really scary.Copy !req
123. If you don't mind me saying,
if that don't work, your breath
certainly will get the job done,Copy !req
124. 'cause you definitely
need some Tic Tacs or something,
'cause your breath stinks!Copy !req
125. You almost burned the hair
outta my nose,Copy !req
126. just like the time—Copy !req
127. Then I ate some rotten berries.
I had strong gases eking out
of my butt that day.Copy !req
128. Why are you following me?Copy !req
129. I'll tell you why.Copy !req
130. 'Cause I'm all aloneCopy !req
131. There's no one here
beside meCopy !req
132. My problems
have all goneCopy !req
133. There's no one
to deride meCopy !req
134. But you gotta have friends—Copy !req
135. Stop singing!Copy !req
136. It's no wonder
you don't have any friends.Copy !req
137. Wow. Only a true friend
would be that truly honest.Copy !req
138. Listen, little donkey.
Take a look at me. What am I?Copy !req
139. Uh—Copy !req
140. - Really tall?
- No! I'm an ogre.Copy !req
141. You know.
Grab your torch and pitchforks.Copy !req
142. Doesn't that bother you?Copy !req
143. Nope.Copy !req
144. - Really?
- Really, really.Copy !req
145. - Oh.
- Man, I like you. What's your name?Copy !req
146. Uh, Shrek.Copy !req
147. Shrek? Well, you know
what I like about you, Shrek?Copy !req
148. You got that kind of
I-don't-care-what-nobody-
thinks-of-me thing.Copy !req
149. I like that.
I respect that, Shrek. You all right.Copy !req
150. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want
to live in a place like that?Copy !req
151. That would be my home.Copy !req
152. Oh! And it is lovely!
Just beautiful.Copy !req
153. You are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done
with such a modest budget.Copy !req
154. I like that boulder.
That is a nice boulder.Copy !req
155. I guess you don't
entertain much, do you?Copy !req
156. I like my privacy.Copy !req
157. You know, I do too.
That's another thing we have in common.Copy !req
158. Like, I hate it when
you got somebody in your face.Copy !req
159. You're trying to give them
a hint, and they won't leave.
There's that awkward silence.Copy !req
160. - Can I stay with you?
- Uh, what?Copy !req
161. Can I stay with you, please?Copy !req
162. - Of course!
- Really?Copy !req
163. - No.
- Please! I don't wanna go back there!Copy !req
164. You don't know what it's like to be
considered a freak. Well, maybe you do.Copy !req
165. But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay!Copy !req
166. - Please! Please!
- Okay! Okay!Copy !req
167. - But one night only.
- Ah! Thank you!Copy !req
168. - What are you— No! No!
- This is gonna be fun!Copy !req
169. We can stay up late,
swapping manly stories,Copy !req
170. and in the morning
I'm making waffles.Copy !req
171. - Oh!
- Where do, uh, I sleep?Copy !req
172. Outside!Copy !req
173. Oh, well,
I guess that's cool.Copy !req
174. I mean, I don't know you,
and you don't know me,Copy !req
175. so I guess outside
is best, you know.Copy !req
176. Here I go.Copy !req
177. Good night.Copy !req
178. I mean, I do like the outdoors.
I'm a donkey. I was born outside.Copy !req
179. I'll just be sitting by myself
outside, I guess, you know.Copy !req
180. By myself, outside.Copy !req
181. I'm all alone
There's no one here beside meCopy !req
182. I thought I told you to stay outside.Copy !req
183. I am outside.Copy !req
184. Well, gents, it's a far cry from
the farm, but what choice do we have?Copy !req
185. It's not home,
but it'll do just fine.Copy !req
186. What a lovely bed.Copy !req
187. - Got ya.
- I found some cheese.Copy !req
188. - Ow!
- Blah! Awful stuff.Copy !req
189. - Is that you, Gorder?
- How did you know?Copy !req
190. Enough!
What are you doing in my house?Copy !req
191. Hey!Copy !req
192. Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
193. - Dead broad off the table.
- Where are we supposed to
put her? The bed's taken.Copy !req
194. Huh?Copy !req
195. What?Copy !req
196. I live in a swamp. I put up signs.
I'm a terrifying ogre!Copy !req
197. What do I have to do
to get a little privacy?Copy !req
198. - Aah!
- Oh, no.Copy !req
199. Oh, no.Copy !req
200. No! No!Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. - Quit it.
- Don't push.Copy !req
203. What are you doing
in my swamp?Copy !req
204. Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!Copy !req
205. Oh, dear!Copy !req
206. Whoa!Copy !req
207. All right, get out of here.
All of you, move it!Copy !req
208. Come on! Let's go!
Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!Copy !req
209. - Quickly. Come on!
- No, no!Copy !req
210. No, no.
Not there. Not there.Copy !req
211. Oh!Copy !req
212. Hey, don't look at me.
I didn't invite them.Copy !req
213. Oh, gosh, no one invited us.Copy !req
214. - What?
- We were forced to come here.Copy !req
215. - By who?
- Lord Farquaad.Copy !req
216. He huffed und he puffed und he...
signed an eviction notice.Copy !req
217. All right.Copy !req
218. Who knows where
this Farquaad guy is?Copy !req
219. Oh, I do. I know where he is.Copy !req
220. Does anyone else
know where to find him?Copy !req
221. - Any one at all?
- Me! Me!Copy !req
222. - Anyone?
- Oh! Oh, pick me!Copy !req
223. Oh, I know!
I know! Me, me!Copy !req
224. Okay, fine.Copy !req
225. Attention,
all fairy tale things.Copy !req
226. Do not get comfortable.
Your welcome is officially worn out.Copy !req
227. In fact, I'm gonna see
this guy Farquaad right now...Copy !req
228. and get you all off my land
and back where you came from!Copy !req
229. Oh! You!Copy !req
230. You're coming with me.Copy !req
231. All right, that's
what I like to hear, man.Copy !req
232. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends,
off on a whirlwind big-city adventure.Copy !req
233. I love it!Copy !req
234. - On the road again
Sing it with me, Shrek.
- Hey. Oh, oh!Copy !req
235. I can't wait to get
on the road againCopy !req
236. What did I say
about singing?Copy !req
237. - Can I whistle?
- No.Copy !req
238. - Can I hum it?
- All right, hum it.Copy !req
239. That's enough.
He's ready to talk.Copy !req
240. Run, run, run,
as fast as you can.Copy !req
241. You can't catch me.
I'm the gingerbread man!Copy !req
242. - You're a monster.
- I'm not the monster here. You are.Copy !req
243. You and the rest of that fairy tale
trash, poisoning my perfect world.Copy !req
244. Now, tell me!
Where are the others?Copy !req
245. Eat me!Copy !req
246. I've tried to be fair
to you creatures.Copy !req
247. Now my patience has reached its end!
Tell me or I'll—Copy !req
248. No, no, not the buttons.
Not my gumdrop buttons.Copy !req
249. All right then.
Who's hiding them?Copy !req
250. Okay, I'll tell you.
Do you know the muffin man?Copy !req
251. - The muffin man?
- The muffin man.Copy !req
252. Yes, I know the muffin man,
who lives on Drury Lane?Copy !req
253. Well, she's married
to the muffin man.Copy !req
254. - The muffin man?
- The muffin man!Copy !req
255. She's married to the muffin man.Copy !req
256. My Lord! We found it.Copy !req
257. Then what are you waiting for?
Bring it in.Copy !req
258. Oh!Copy !req
259. - Magic mirror—
- Don't tell him anything!Copy !req
260. No!Copy !req
261. Evening.Copy !req
262. Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Copy !req
263. Is this not the most
perfect kingdom of them all?Copy !req
264. Well, technically
you're not a king.Copy !req
265. Uh, Thelonius.Copy !req
266. - You were saying?
- What I mean is, you're not a king yet.Copy !req
267. But you can become one. All
you have to do is marry a princess.Copy !req
268. Go on.Copy !req
269. So, just sit back
and relax, my Lord,Copy !req
270. because it's time for you to
meet today's eligible bachelorettes.Copy !req
271. And here they are!Copy !req
272. Bachelorette number one
is a mentally abused shut-in
from a kingdom far, faraway.Copy !req
273. She likes sushi
and hot tubbing anytime.Copy !req
274. Her hobbies include cooking
and cleaning for her two evil sisters.Copy !req
275. Please welcome Cinderella.Copy !req
276. Bachelorette number two
is a cape-wearing girl
from the land of fancy.Copy !req
277. Although she lives with
seven other men, she's not easy.Copy !req
278. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips
and find out what a live wire she is.Copy !req
279. Come on.
Give it up for Snow White!Copy !req
280. And last,
but certainly not least,Copy !req
281. bachelorette number three
is a fiery redhead...Copy !req
282. from a dragon-guarded castle
surrounded by hot boiling lava!Copy !req
283. But don't let that cool you off.Copy !req
284. She's a loaded pistol
who likes pina coladas
and getting caught in the rain.Copy !req
285. Yours for the rescuing,
Princess Fiona!Copy !req
286. So will it be
bachelorette number one,Copy !req
287. bachelorette number two
or bachelorette number three?Copy !req
288. - Two! Two!
- Three! Three!Copy !req
289. - Two! Two!
- Three!Copy !req
290. Three? One?
Three?Copy !req
291. Three!
Pick number three, my Lord!Copy !req
292. Okay, okay, uh, number three!Copy !req
293. Lord Farquaad,
you've chosen Princess Fiona.Copy !req
294. If you love pina coladasCopy !req
295. - And getting caught in the rain
- Princess Fiona.Copy !req
296. - If you're not into yoga
- She's perfect.Copy !req
297. All I have to do is
just find someone who can go—Copy !req
298. But I probably should mention
the little thing that happens at night.Copy !req
299. - I'll do it.
- Yes, but after sunset—Copy !req
300. Silence! I will make
this Princess Fiona my queen,Copy !req
301. and DuLoc will finally
have the perfect king!Copy !req
302. Captain, assemble
your finest men.Copy !req
303. We're going to have
a tournament.Copy !req
304. But that's it. That's it
right there. That's DuLoc.Copy !req
305. I told ya I'd find it.Copy !req
306. So, that must be
Lord Farquaad's castle.Copy !req
307. Uh-huh. That's the place.Copy !req
308. Do you think maybe
he's compensating for something?Copy !req
309. Hey, wait.
Wait up, Shrek.Copy !req
310. Hurry, darling.
We're late. Hurry.Copy !req
311. Hey, you!Copy !req
312. Wait a second.
Look, I'm not gonna eat ya.Copy !req
313. I just— I just—Copy !req
314. It's quiet.Copy !req
315. Too quiet.Copy !req
316. - Where is everybody?
- Hey, look at this!Copy !req
317. Welcome to DuLoc
such a perfect townCopy !req
318. Here we have some rules
Let us lay them downCopy !req
319. Don't make waves, stay in line
and we'll get along fineCopy !req
320. DuLoc is a perfect placeCopy !req
321. Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... faceCopy !req
322. DuLoc is, DuLoc isCopy !req
323. DuLoc is a perfectCopy !req
324. PlaceCopy !req
325. Wow! Let's do that again!Copy !req
326. No. No.
No, no, no! No.Copy !req
327. Brave knights.Copy !req
328. You are the best and brightest
in all the land.Copy !req
329. Today one of you
shall prove himself—Copy !req
330. All right. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom.Copy !req
331. Sorry about that.Copy !req
332. That champion shall have the honour—
no, no— the privilege...Copy !req
333. to go forth and rescue
the lovely Princess Fiona...Copy !req
334. from the fiery keep
oft he dragon.Copy !req
335. If for any reason
the winner is unsuccessful,Copy !req
336. the first runner-up
will take his place...Copy !req
337. and so on and so forth.Copy !req
338. Some of you may die, but it's
a sacrifice I am willing to make.Copy !req
339. Let the tournament begin!Copy !req
340. Oh!Copy !req
341. What is that?Copy !req
342. - It's hideous!
- Ah, that's not very nice.Copy !req
343. - It's just a donkey.
- Huh?Copy !req
344. Indeed. Knights, new plan!Copy !req
345. The one who kills the ogre will be
named champion! Have at him!Copy !req
346. - Get him!
- Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.Copy !req
347. Go ahead! Get him!Copy !req
348. Can't we just settle this
over a pint?Copy !req
349. Kill the beast!Copy !req
350. No? All right then.Copy !req
351. Come on!Copy !req
352. I don't give a damn
about my reputationCopy !req
353. - You're living in the past
It's a new generation
- Damn!Copy !req
354. A girl can do
what she wants to doCopy !req
355. And that's what
I'm gonna doCopy !req
356. And I don't give a damn
about my bad reputationCopy !req
357. Oh, no, no, no, no, no
Not meCopy !req
358. - Me, me, me
- Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!Copy !req
359. And I don't give a damn
about my reputationCopy !req
360. Never said I wanted
to improve my stationCopy !req
361. Ah!Copy !req
362. - And I'm always feeling good
when I'm having fun
- Yeah!Copy !req
363. And I don't have
to please no oneCopy !req
364. The chair!
Give him the chair!Copy !req
365. And I don't give a damn
about my bad reputationCopy !req
366. Oh, no, no, no, no, no
Not meCopy !req
367. Me, me, meCopy !req
368. Oh, no, no, no, noCopy !req
369. Not me, not meCopy !req
370. Not meCopy !req
371. Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah!Copy !req
372. Thank you!
Thank you very much!Copy !req
373. I'm here till Thursday.
Try the veal! Ha, ha!Copy !req
374. Shall I give
the order, sir?Copy !req
375. No, I have a better idea.Copy !req
376. People of DuLoc,
I give you our champion!Copy !req
377. - What?
- Congratulations, ogre.Copy !req
378. You've won the honour of
embarking on a great and noble quest.Copy !req
379. Quest? I'm already on a quest,
a quest to get my swamp back.Copy !req
380. - Your swamp?
- Yeah, my swamp!Copy !req
381. Where you dumped
those fairy tale creatures!Copy !req
382. Indeed.Copy !req
383. All right, ogre,
I'll make you a deal.Copy !req
384. Go on this quest for me, and
I'll give you your swamp back.Copy !req
385. Exactly the way it was?Copy !req
386. Down to the last
slime-covered toad stool.Copy !req
387. - And the squatters?
- As good as gone.Copy !req
388. What kind of quest?Copy !req
389. Let me get this straight.
You're gonna go fight a dragon...Copy !req
390. and rescue a princess just so Farquaad
will give you back a swamp...Copy !req
391. which you only don't have
because he filled it full of
freaks in the first place.Copy !req
392. - Is that about right?
- Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.Copy !req
393. I don't get it. Why don't you just
pull some of that ogre stuff on him?Copy !req
394. Throttle him,
lay siege to his fortress,Copy !req
395. grind his bones to make your bread,
the whole ogre trip.Copy !req
396. Oh, I know what.Copy !req
397. Maybe I could have
decapitated an entire village...Copy !req
398. and put their heads
on a pike,Copy !req
399. gotten a knife, cut open their
spleen and drink their fluids.Copy !req
400. Does that sound
good to you?Copy !req
401. Uh, no, not really, no.Copy !req
402. For your information, there's a lot
more to ogres than people think.Copy !req
403. - Example?
- Example?Copy !req
404. - Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
- They stink?Copy !req
405. - Yes— No!
- They make you cry?
- No!Copy !req
406. You leave them out in the sun,
they get all brown, start
sprouting little white hairs.Copy !req
407. No! Layers!Copy !req
408. Onions have layers.Copy !req
409. Ogres have layers!
Onions have layers.Copy !req
410. You get it? We both have layers.Copy !req
411. Oh, you both
have layers. Oh.Copy !req
412. You know, not everybody likes onions.Copy !req
413. Cake! Everybody loves cakes!
Cakes have layers.Copy !req
414. I don't care...
what everyone likes.Copy !req
415. Ogres are not like cakes.Copy !req
416. You know what else
everybody likes? Parfaits.Copy !req
417. Have you ever met a person, you
say, Let's get some parfait,Copy !req
418. they say, No,
I don't like no parfait?Copy !req
419. - Parfaits are delicious.
- No!Copy !req
420. You dense, irritating,
miniature beast of burden!Copy !req
421. Ogres are like onions!
End of story.Copy !req
422. Bye-bye. See ya later.Copy !req
423. Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
on the whole damn planet.Copy !req
424. You know, I think
I preferred your humming.Copy !req
425. Do you have a tissue or something?
I'm making a mess.Copy !req
426. Just the word parfait
make me start slobbering.Copy !req
427. I'm on my way from misery
to happiness todayCopy !req
428. Uh-huh, uh-huh
Uh-huh, uh-huhCopy !req
429. I'm on my way from misery
to happiness todayCopy !req
430. Uh-huh, uh-huh
Uh-huh, uh-huhCopy !req
431. And everything
that you receive up yonderCopy !req
432. Is what you give to me
the day I wanderCopy !req
433. I'm on my wayCopy !req
434. I'm on my wayCopy !req
435. I'm on my wayCopy !req
436. Ooh! Shrek!
Did you do that?Copy !req
437. You gotta warn somebody before you
just crack one off. My mouth was open.Copy !req
438. Believe me, Donkey, if
it was me, you'd be dead.Copy !req
439. It's brimstone.Copy !req
440. - We must be getting close.
- Yeah, right, brimstone.Copy !req
441. Don't be talking about it's
the brimstone. I know what I
smell. It wasn't no brimstone.Copy !req
442. It didn't come off
no stone neither.Copy !req
443. Sure, it's big enough,
but look at the location.Copy !req
444. Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when
you said ogres have layers?Copy !req
445. Oh, aye.Copy !req
446. Well, I have a bit
of a confession to make.Copy !req
447. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear
our fear right out there on our sleeves.Copy !req
448. - Wait a second.
Donkeys don't have sleeves.
- You know what I mean.Copy !req
449. You can't tell me
you're afraid of heights.Copy !req
450. I'm just a little uncomfortable
about being on a rickety bridge
over a boiling lake of lava!Copy !req
451. Come on, Donkey.
I'm right here beside ya, okay?Copy !req
452. For emotional support,Copy !req
453. we'll just tackle this thing
together one little baby step at a time.Copy !req
454. - Really?
- Really, really.Copy !req
455. - Okay, that makes me
feel so much better.
- Just keep moving.Copy !req
456. - And don't look down.
- Okay, don't look down.
Don't look down.Copy !req
457. Don't look down.
Keep on moving. Don't look down.Copy !req
458. Shrek! I'm looking down!Copy !req
459. Oh, God, I can't do this!
Just let me off, please!Copy !req
460. - But you're already halfway.
- But I know that half is safe!Copy !req
461. Okay, fine. I don't
have time for this. You go back.Copy !req
462. - Shrek, no! Wait!
- Just, Donkey—Copy !req
463. - Let's have a dance then, shall we?
- Don't do that!Copy !req
464. Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?Copy !req
465. - Oh, this?
- Yes, that!Copy !req
466. Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.Copy !req
467. No, Shrek!Copy !req
468. - No! Stop it!
- You said do it! I'm doing it.Copy !req
469. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
Shrek, I'm gonna die.Copy !req
470. Oh!Copy !req
471. That'll do, Donkey.
That'll do.Copy !req
472. Cool.Copy !req
473. So where is this
fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?Copy !req
474. Inside, waiting for us
to rescue her.Copy !req
475. I was talking about the dragon, Shrek.Copy !req
476. You afraid?Copy !req
477. No, but— Shh.Copy !req
478. Oh, good. Me neither.Copy !req
479. 'Cause there's nothing
wrong with being afraid.Copy !req
480. Fear's a sensible response
to an unfamiliar situation.Copy !req
481. Unfamiliar dangerous
situation, I might add.Copy !req
482. With a dragon that breathes fire
and eats knights and breathes fire,Copy !req
483. it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
if you're a little scared.Copy !req
484. I sure as heck am not a coward.
I know that.Copy !req
485. Donkey, two things, okay?Copy !req
486. Shut... up.Copy !req
487. Now go over there and see
if you can find any stairs.Copy !req
488. Stairs? I thought
we was looking for the princess.Copy !req
489. The princess will be up the stairs in
the highest room in the tallest tower.Copy !req
490. - What makes you think she'll be there?
- I read it in a book once.Copy !req
491. Cool. You handle the dragon.
I'll handle the stairs.Copy !req
492. I'll find those stairs.
I'll whip their butt too.Copy !req
493. Those stairs won't know
which way they're going.Copy !req
494. I'm gonna take drastic steps.Copy !req
495. Kick it to the kerb. Don't mess
with me. I'm the stair master.Copy !req
496. I've mastered the stairs.
I wish I had a step right here.
I'd step all over it.Copy !req
497. Well, at least we know
where the princess is, but where's the—Copy !req
498. Dragon!Copy !req
499. Donkey, look out!Copy !req
500. Got ya!Copy !req
501. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
502. Oh! Aah! Aah!Copy !req
503. No. Oh, no. No!Copy !req
504. Oh, what large teeth you have.Copy !req
505. I mean, white, sparkling teeth.
I know you probably hear this
all the time from your food,Copy !req
506. but you must bleach, 'cause that
is one dazzling smile you got there.Copy !req
507. Do I detect a hint
of minty freshness?Copy !req
508. And you know what else?
You're— You're a girl dragon!Copy !req
509. Oh, sure! I mean,
of course you're a girl dragon.Copy !req
510. You're just reeking
of feminine beauty.Copy !req
511. What's the matter with you?
You got something in your eye?Copy !req
512. Ooh. Oh. Oh.Copy !req
513. Man, I'd really love to stay,
but, you know, I'm, uh—Copy !req
514. I'm an asthmatic, and
I don't know if it'd work out if
you're gonna blow smoke rings.Copy !req
515. Shrek!Copy !req
516. No! Shrek! Shrek!Copy !req
517. Shrek!Copy !req
518. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
519. - Wake up!
- What?Copy !req
520. Are you Princess Fiona?Copy !req
521. I am, awaiting a knight
so bold as to rescue me.Copy !req
522. Oh, that's nice.
Now let's go!Copy !req
523. But wait, Sir Knight.Copy !req
524. This be-ith our first meeting.Copy !req
525. Should it not be
a wonderful, romantic moment?Copy !req
526. - Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
- Hey, wait. What are you doing?Copy !req
527. You should sweep me
off my feet...Copy !req
528. out yonder window and down a rope
on to your valiant steed.Copy !req
529. You've had a lot of time
to plan this, haven't you?Copy !req
530. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
531. But we have to
savour this moment!Copy !req
532. You could recite
an epic poem for me.Copy !req
533. A ballad? A sonnet!Copy !req
534. - A Limerick? Or something!
- I don't think so.Copy !req
535. Can I at least know
the name of my champion?Copy !req
536. Um, Shrek.Copy !req
537. Sir Shrek.Copy !req
538. I pray that you take this favour
as a token of my gratitude.Copy !req
539. Thanks!Copy !req
540. You didn't slay the dragon?Copy !req
541. It's on my to-do list. Now come on!Copy !req
542. But this isn't right!Copy !req
543. You were meant to charge in,
sword drawn, banner flying.Copy !req
544. That's what all
the other knights did.Copy !req
545. Yeah, right before
they burst into flame.Copy !req
546. That's not the point. Oh!Copy !req
547. Wait. Where are you going?
The exit's over there.Copy !req
548. Well, I have to save my ass.Copy !req
549. What kind of knight are you?Copy !req
550. One of a kind.Copy !req
551. Slowdown. Slowdown, baby, please.Copy !req
552. I believe it's healthy to get to
know someone over a long period of time.Copy !req
553. Just call me old-fashioned.Copy !req
554. I don't want to rush into
a physical relationship.Copy !req
555. I'm not emotionally ready
for a commitment of, uh, this—Copy !req
556. Magnitude really is
the word I'm looking for.Copy !req
557. Magnitude— Hey, that is
unwanted physical contact.Copy !req
558. Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
559. Okay, okay. Let's just backup a little
and take this one step a ta time.Copy !req
560. We really should get to know each other
first as friends or pen pals.Copy !req
561. I'm on theroada lot,
but I just love receiving cards—Copy !req
562. I'd really love
to stay, but—Copy !req
563. Don't do that! That's my tail!
That's my personal tail.Copy !req
564. You're gonna tear it off.
I don't give permission— What
are you gonna do with that?Copy !req
565. Hey, now. No way.
No! No!Copy !req
566. No, no! No.
No, no, no! No! Oh!Copy !req
567. - Hi, Princess!
- It talks!Copy !req
568. Yeah, it's getting him
to shut up that's the trick.Copy !req
569. Oh!Copy !req
570. Okay, you two,
head for the exit!Copy !req
571. I'll take care of the dragon.Copy !req
572. Run!Copy !req
573. You did it!Copy !req
574. You rescued me!
You're amazing. You're—Copy !req
575. You're wonderful. You're...Copy !req
576. a little unorthodox I'll admit.Copy !req
577. But thy deed is great,
and thine heart is pure.Copy !req
578. I am eternally in your debt.Copy !req
579. And where would a brave knight be
without his noble steed?Copy !req
580. I hope you heard that. She called me
a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.Copy !req
581. The battle is won.Copy !req
582. You may remove your helmet,
good Sir Knight.Copy !req
583. - Uh, no.
- Why not?Copy !req
584. I have helmet hair.Copy !req
585. Please. I would'st look
upon the face of my rescuer.Copy !req
586. No, no, you wouldn't— 'st.Copy !req
587. But how will you kiss me?Copy !req
588. What? That wasn't
in the job description.Copy !req
589. Maybe it's a perk.Copy !req
590. No, it's destiny.
Oh, you must know how it goes.Copy !req
591. A princess locked in a tower
and beset by a dragon...Copy !req
592. is rescued by a brave knight,Copy !req
593. and then they share
true love's first kiss.Copy !req
594. Hmm? With Shrek?
You think— Wait.Copy !req
595. Wait. You think that
Shrek is your true love?Copy !req
596. Well, yes.Copy !req
597. You think Shrek
is your true love!Copy !req
598. What is so funny?Copy !req
599. Let's just say I'm
not your type, okay?Copy !req
600. Of course, you are.
You're my rescuer.Copy !req
601. Now— Now remove your helmet.Copy !req
602. Look. I really don't think
this is a good idea.Copy !req
603. - Just take off the helmet.
- I'm not going to.Copy !req
604. - Take it off.
- No!Copy !req
605. - Now!
- Okay!Copy !req
606. Easy. As you command,
Your Highness.Copy !req
607. You— You're a— an ogre.Copy !req
608. Oh, you were expecting
Prince Charming.Copy !req
609. Well, yes, actually.Copy !req
610. Oh, no. This is all wrong.Copy !req
611. You're not supposed
to be an ogre.Copy !req
612. Princess, I was sent
to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay?Copy !req
613. He's the one
who wants to marry you.Copy !req
614. Then why didn't
he come rescue me?Copy !req
615. Good question. You should
ask him that when we get there.Copy !req
616. But I have to be rescued
by my true love,Copy !req
617. not by some ogre
and his— his pet.Copy !req
618. So much for noble steed.Copy !req
619. You're not making
my job any easier.Copy !req
620. I'm sorry, but your job
is not my problem.Copy !req
621. You can tell Lord Farquaad
that if he wants to rescue me properly,Copy !req
622. I'll be waiting for him
right here.Copy !req
623. Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy,
all right? I'm a delivery boy.Copy !req
624. You wouldn't dare.Copy !req
625. - Put me down!
- Ya coming, Donkey?Copy !req
626. I'm right behind ya.Copy !req
627. Put me down, or you will
suffer the consequences!Copy !req
628. This is not dignified!
Put me down!Copy !req
629. Okay, so here's
another question.Copy !req
630. Say there's a woman
that digs you, right, but you
don't really like her that way.Copy !req
631. How do you let her down real easy
so her feelings aren't hurt,Copy !req
632. but you don't get burned
to a crisp and eaten?Copy !req
633. You just tell her
she's not your true love.Copy !req
634. Everyone knowest what happens
when you find your—Copy !req
635. Hey!Copy !req
636. The sooner we get
to DuLoc the better.Copy !req
637. You're gonna love it there,
Princess. It's beautiful!Copy !req
638. And what of my groom-to-be?
Lord Farquaad? What's he like?Copy !req
639. Let me put it this way,
Princess.Copy !req
640. Men of Farquaad's stature
are in short supply.Copy !req
641. I don't know. There are those who
think little of him.Copy !req
642. Stop it. Stop it,
both of you.Copy !req
643. You're just jealous you can
never measure up to a great
ruler like Lord Farquaad.Copy !req
644. Yeah, well, maybe
you're right, Princess.Copy !req
645. But I'll let you do the measuring
when you see him tomorrow.Copy !req
646. Tomorrow?
It'll take that Ion?Copy !req
647. - Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
- No, that'll take longer.Copy !req
648. - We can keep going.
- But there's robbers in the woods.Copy !req
649. Whoa! Time out, Shrek!
Camping is starting to sound good.Copy !req
650. Hey, come on.
I'm scarier than anything we're
going to see in this forest.Copy !req
651. I need to find
somewhere to camp now!Copy !req
652. - Hey! Over here.
- Shrek, we can do better than that.Copy !req
653. I don't think
this is fit for a princess.Copy !req
654. No, no, it's perfect.
It just needs a few homey touches.Copy !req
655. Homey touches? Like what?Copy !req
656. A door? Well, gentlemen,
I bid thee good night.Copy !req
657. You want me to read you
a bedtime story? I will.Copy !req
658. I said good night!Copy !req
659. Shrek, what are you doing?Copy !req
660. I just— You know— Oh, come on.Copy !req
661. I was just kidding.Copy !req
662. And, uh, that one,
that's Throwback,Copy !req
663. the only ogre to ever spit
over three wheat fields.Copy !req
664. Right. Yeah.Copy !req
665. Hey, can you tell my future
from these stars?Copy !req
666. The stars don't tell the future, Donkey.
They tell stories.Copy !req
667. Look, there's BITNET,
the Fitment.Copy !req
668. - You can guess what he's famous for.
- I know you're making this up.Copy !req
669. No, look.
There he is,Copy !req
670. and there's the group of hunters
running away from his stench.Copy !req
671. That is nothing but
a bunch of little dots.Copy !req
672. Sometimes things are
more than they appear.Copy !req
673. Hmm?Copy !req
674. Forget it.Copy !req
675. Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do
when we get our swamp anyway?Copy !req
676. Our swamp?Copy !req
677. You know, when we're through
rescuing the princess.Copy !req
678. We? Donkey, there's no we.
There's no our.Copy !req
679. There's just me and my swamp.Copy !req
680. The first thing I'm gonna do is build
a ten-foot wall around my land.Copy !req
681. You cut me deep, Shrek.Copy !req
682. You cut me real deep just now.Copy !req
683. You know what I think?Copy !req
684. I think this whole wall thing
is just a way to keep somebody out.Copy !req
685. - No, do ya think?
- Are you hiding something?Copy !req
686. Never mind, Donkey.Copy !req
687. Oh, this is another one of
those onion things, isn't it?Copy !req
688. No, this is one of those drop-it
and leave-it-alone things.Copy !req
689. - Why don't you want to talk about it?
- Why do you want to?Copy !req
690. - Why are you blocking?
- I'm not blocking.Copy !req
691. - Oh, yes, you are.
- Donkey, I'm warning you.Copy !req
692. - Who you trying to keep out?
- Everyone! Okay?Copy !req
693. Oh, now we're getting somewhere.Copy !req
694. Oh! For the love of Pete!Copy !req
695. What's your problem?
What you got against the whole world?Copy !req
696. I'm not the one
with the problem, okay?Copy !req
697. It's the world that seems
to have a problem with me.Copy !req
698. People take one look at me
and go, Aah! Help! Run!Copy !req
699. A big, stupid, ugly ogre!Copy !req
700. They judge me before
they even know me.Copy !req
701. That's why
I'm better off alone.Copy !req
702. You know what?Copy !req
703. When we met, I didn't think you was
just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.Copy !req
704. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
705. So, uh, are there
any donkeys up there?Copy !req
706. Well, there's, um, Gabby,Copy !req
707. the Small and Annoying.Copy !req
708. Okay, I see it now. The big shiny
one, right there. That one there?Copy !req
709. - That's the moon.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
710. Again. Show me again.Copy !req
711. Mirror, mirror, show her to me.
Show me the princess.Copy !req
712. Hmph.Copy !req
713. Ah. Perfect.Copy !req
714. Mmm, yeah, you know
I like it like that.Copy !req
715. - Come on, baby. I said I like it.
- Donkey, wake up.Copy !req
716. - Huh? What?
- Wake up.Copy !req
717. - What?
- Good morning.Copy !req
718. How do you like your eggs?Copy !req
719. - Good morning, Princess!
- What's all this about?Copy !req
720. We kind of got off
to a bad start yesterday.Copy !req
721. I wanted to make it up to you.Copy !req
722. After all, you did rescue me.Copy !req
723. Uh, thanks.Copy !req
724. Well, eat up.
We've got a big day ahead of us.Copy !req
725. Shrek!Copy !req
726. What? It's a compliment.Copy !req
727. Better out than in,
I always say.Copy !req
728. Well, it's no way to behave
in front of a princess.Copy !req
729. - Thanks.
- She's as nasty as you are.Copy !req
730. You know,
you're not exactly what I expected.Copy !req
731. Maybe you shouldn't judge people
before you get to know them.Copy !req
732. La Liberte! Hey!Copy !req
733. Princess!Copy !req
734. What are you doing?Copy !req
735. Be still, Mon Cherie,
for I am your saviour!Copy !req
736. And I am rescuing you from this green—Copy !req
737. - beast.
- Hey!Copy !req
738. That's my princess!
Go find your own!Copy !req
739. Please, monster!
Can't you see I'm a little busy here?Copy !req
740. Look, pal, I don't know
who you think you are!Copy !req
741. Oh! Of course!
Oh, how rude.Copy !req
742. Please let me
introduce myself.Copy !req
743. Oh, Merry Men!Copy !req
744. Ta, dah, dah, dah, whooCopy !req
745. I steal from the rich
and give to the needyCopy !req
746. - He takes a wee percentage
- But I'm not greedyCopy !req
747. I rescue pretty damsels
Man, I'm goodCopy !req
748. - What a guy, Monsieur Hood
- Break it down.Copy !req
749. I like an honest fight
and a saucy little maidCopy !req
750. - What he's basically saying
is he likes to get—
- PaidCopy !req
751. - So
- When an ogre in the bush
grabs a lady by the tushCopy !req
752. - That's bad
- That's badCopy !req
753. When a beauty's with a beast
it makes me awfully madCopy !req
754. He's mad
He's really, really madCopy !req
755. I'll take my blade and
ram it through your heartCopy !req
756. Keep your eyes on me, boys
'cause I'm about to startCopy !req
757. Man, that was annoying!Copy !req
758. Oh, you little—Copy !req
759. Um, shall we?Copy !req
760. Ho Id the phone.Copy !req
761. Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on now.Copy !req
762. - Where did that come from?
- What?Copy !req
763. That! Back there.
That was amazing!Copy !req
764. Where did you learn that?Copy !req
765. Well—
When one lives alone,Copy !req
766. uh, one has to learn these things
in case there's a—Copy !req
767. - There's an arrow in your butt!
- What?Copy !req
768. - Oh, would you look at that?
- Oh, no. This is all my fault.Copy !req
769. - I'm so sorry.
- Why? What's wrong?Copy !req
770. - Shrek's hurt.
- Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt?
Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.Copy !req
771. - Donkey, I'm okay.
- You can't do this to me.
I'm too young for you to die.Copy !req
772. Keep your legs elevated.
Turn your head and cough.Copy !req
773. - Does anyone know the Heimlich?
- Donkey! Calm down.Copy !req
774. If you want to help Shrek,
run into the woods and find me
a blue flower with red thorns.Copy !req
775. Blue flower, red thorns. Okay,
I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.Copy !req
776. Don't die, Shrek. If you see
a long tunnel, stay away from the light!Copy !req
777. - Donkey!
- Oh, yeah. Right.
Blue flower, red thorns.Copy !req
778. - Blue flower, red thorns.
- What are the flowers for?Copy !req
779. - For getting rid of Donkey.
- Ah.Copy !req
780. Now you hold still,
and I'll yank this thing out.Copy !req
781. Ow! Hey!
Easy with the yanking.Copy !req
782. - I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
- No, it's tender.Copy !req
783. Now, hold on.Copy !req
784. - What you're doing
is the opposite of help.
- Don't move.Copy !req
785. - Look, time out.
- Would you—Copy !req
786. Okay. What do you propose we do?Copy !req
787. Blue flower, red thorns.
Blue flower, red thorns.
Blue flower, red thorns.Copy !req
788. This would be so much easier
if I wasn't colour-blind!Copy !req
789. - Blue flower, red thorns.
- Ow!Copy !req
790. Ho Id on, Shrek!
I'm coming!Copy !req
791. Ow! Not good.Copy !req
792. Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.Copy !req
793. - It's just about—
- Ow! Ohh!Copy !req
794. Ahem.Copy !req
795. Nothing happened.
We were just, uh—Copy !req
796. Look, if you wanted to be alone,
all you had to do was ask.Copy !req
797. Oh, come on!
That's the last thing on my mind.Copy !req
798. The princess here
was just— Ugh!Copy !req
799. - Ow!
- Hey, what's that?Copy !req
800. That's— Is that blood?Copy !req
801. My beloved monster and meCopy !req
802. We go everywhere togetherCopy !req
803. Wearing a raincoat
that has four sleevesCopy !req
804. - Gets us through all kinds
of weather
- Aah!Copy !req
805. She will always be
the only thingCopy !req
806. That comes between me
and the awful stingCopy !req
807. That comes from living in a world
that's so damn meanCopy !req
808. Oh, oh-oh-oh-ohCopy !req
809. Hey!Copy !req
810. La-la, la-la, la-la-la-laCopy !req
811. La-la, la-la, la-laCopy !req
812. There it is, Princess.Copy !req
813. Your future awaits you.Copy !req
814. - That's DuLoc?
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
815. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's
compensating for something,Copy !req
816. which I think means
he has a really— Ow!Copy !req
817. Um, I, uh—Copy !req
818. - I guess we better move on.
- Sure.Copy !req
819. But, Shrek?Copy !req
820. I'm— I'm worried about Donkey.Copy !req
821. - What?
- I mean, look at him.Copy !req
822. - He doesn't look so good.
- What are you talking about? I'm fine.Copy !req
823. That's what they always say,
and then next thing you know,
you're on your back.Copy !req
824. - Dead.
- You know, she's right.Copy !req
825. You look awful.
Do you want to sit down?Copy !req
826. - I'll make you some tea.
- I didn't want to say nothing,Copy !req
827. but I got this twinge in my neck,
and when I turn my head like this, look.Copy !req
828. Ow! See?Copy !req
829. - Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
- I'll get the firewood.Copy !req
830. Hey, where you going?
Oh, man, I can't feel my toes!Copy !req
831. I don't have any toes!Copy !req
832. I think I need a hug.Copy !req
833. Mmm.Copy !req
834. Mmm. This is good.
This is really good.Copy !req
835. - What is this?
- Uh, weedrat.Copy !req
836. Rotisserie style.Copy !req
837. No kidding.Copy !req
838. Well, this is delicious.Copy !req
839. Well, they're also great
in stews.Copy !req
840. Now, I don't mean to brag,
but I make a mean weedrat stew.Copy !req
841. I guess I'll be dining
a little differently tomorrow night.Copy !req
842. Maybe you can
come visit me in the swamp sometime.Copy !req
843. I'll cook all kinds
of stuff for you.Copy !req
844. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare—
you name it.Copy !req
845. I'd like that.Copy !req
846. See the pyramids
along the NileCopy !req
847. Um, Princess?Copy !req
848. - Watch the sun rise
from a tropic isle
- Yes, Shrek?Copy !req
849. - I, um, I was wondering.
- Just remember, darling
all the whileCopy !req
850. Are you—Copy !req
851. You belong to meCopy !req
852. Are you gonna eat that?Copy !req
853. - Man, isn't this romantic?
Just look at that sunset.
- Sunset?Copy !req
854. Oh, no!
I mean, it's late.Copy !req
855. - I-It's very late.
- What?Copy !req
856. Wait a minute.
I see what's going on here.Copy !req
857. - You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
- Yes!Copy !req
858. Yes, that's it. I'm terrified.
You know, I'd better go inside.Copy !req
859. Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to
be afraid of the dark, too, until—Copy !req
860. Hey, no, wait.
I'm still afraid of the dark.Copy !req
861. Good night.Copy !req
862. Good night.Copy !req
863. Ohh!Copy !req
864. Now I really see
what's going on here.Copy !req
865. Oh, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
866. I don't even wanna hear it. Look,
I'm an animal, and I got instincts.Copy !req
867. I know you two were digging
on each other. I could feel it.Copy !req
868. You're crazy.
I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.Copy !req
869. Oh, come on, Shrek.
Wake up and smell the pheromones.Copy !req
870. - Just go on in
and tell her how you feel.
- I—Copy !req
871. There's nothing to tell.
Besides, even if I did tell her that,Copy !req
872. well, you know—Copy !req
873. and I'm not saying I do
'cause I don't—Copy !req
874. she's a princess,
and I'm—Copy !req
875. An ogre?Copy !req
876. Yeah. An ogre.Copy !req
877. - Hey, where you going?
- To get... more firewood.Copy !req
878. Princess?Copy !req
879. Princess Fiona?Copy !req
880. Princess, where are you?Copy !req
881. Princess?Copy !req
882. It's very spooky in here.
I am not playing no games.Copy !req
883. - Aah!
- Oh, no!
- No, help!Copy !req
884. - Shh!
- Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
- No, it's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
885. - What did you do with the princess?
- Donkey, I'm the princess.Copy !req
886. - Aah!
- It's me, in this body.Copy !req
887. Oh, my God!
You ate the princess!Copy !req
888. - Can you hear me?
- Donkey!Copy !req
889. - Listen, keep breathing!
I'll get you out of there!
- No!Copy !req
890. - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
- Shh.Copy !req
891. - Shrek!
- This is me.Copy !req
892. Princess?Copy !req
893. What happened to you?
You're, uh, uh,Copy !req
894. uh, different.Copy !req
895. - I'm ugly, okay?
- Well, yeah!Copy !req
896. Was it something you ate? 'Cause
I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea.Copy !req
897. - You are what you eat, I said. Now—
- No.Copy !req
898. I— I've been this way
as Ion as I can remember.Copy !req
899. What do you mean? Look,
I am not never seen you like this before.Copy !req
900. It only happens
when the sun goes down.Copy !req
901. By night one way,
by day another.Copy !req
902. This shall be the norm...Copy !req
903. until you find
true love's first kiss...Copy !req
904. and then
take love's true form.Copy !req
905. Ah, that's beautiful.
I didn't know you wrote poetry.Copy !req
906. It's a spell.Copy !req
907. When I was a little girl,Copy !req
908. a witch cast a spell
on me.Copy !req
909. Every night I become this.Copy !req
910. This horrible, ugly beast!Copy !req
911. I was placed in a tower to await the day
my true love would rescue me.Copy !req
912. That's why I have to marry
Lord Farquaad tomorrow...Copy !req
913. before the sun sets
and he sees me...Copy !req
914. like this.Copy !req
915. All right, all right. Calm down.
Look, it's not that bad.Copy !req
916. You're not that ugly.
Well, I am not gonna lie. You are ugly.Copy !req
917. But you only look like this at night.
Shrek's ugly 24-7.Copy !req
918. But, Donkey,
I'm a princess,Copy !req
919. and this is not how a princess
is meant to look.Copy !req
920. Princess, how 'bout if you
don't marry Farquaad?Copy !req
921. I have to.Copy !req
922. Only my true love's kiss
can break the spell.Copy !req
923. But, you know, um,
you're kind of an ogre,Copy !req
924. and Shrek— well,
you got a lot in common.Copy !req
925. Shrek?Copy !req
926. Princess, I—
Uh, how's it going, first of all?Copy !req
927. Good?
Um, good for me too.Copy !req
928. I'm okay.Copy !req
929. I saw this flower and thought of you
because it's pretty and—Copy !req
930. well, I don't really like it,
but I thought you might like it
'cause you're pretty.Copy !req
931. But I like you anyway.
I'd— uh, uh—Copy !req
932. I'm in trouble.
Okay, here we go.Copy !req
933. I can't just marry whoever want.Copy !req
934. Take a good look
at me, Donkey.Copy !req
935. I mean, really,Copy !req
936. who could ever love a beast
so hideous and ugly?Copy !req
937. Princessand ugly
don't go together.Copy !req
938. That's why I can't
stay here with Shrek.Copy !req
939. My only chance to live happily
ever after is to marry my truelove.Copy !req
940. Don't you see, Donkey?Copy !req
941. That's just how
it has to be.Copy !req
942. It's the only way
to break the spell.Copy !req
943. - You at least gotta
tell Shrek the truth.
- No!Copy !req
944. You can't breathe a word.
No one must ever know.Copy !req
945. What's the point of being able to talk
if you gotta keep secrets?Copy !req
946. Promise you won't tell.
Promise!Copy !req
947. All right, all right.
I won't tell him. But you should.Copy !req
948. I just know before this is over,
I'm gonna need a whole lot
of serious therapy.Copy !req
949. Look at my eye twitching.Copy !req
950. I tell him, I tell him not.Copy !req
951. I tell him,
I tell him not.Copy !req
952. I tell him.Copy !req
953. Shrek!Copy !req
954. Shrek, there's something
I want—Copy !req
955. Shrek.Copy !req
956. - Are you all right?
- Perfect!Copy !req
957. Never been better.Copy !req
958. I— I don't—
There's something I have to tell you.Copy !req
959. You don't have to tell me
anything, Princess.Copy !req
960. - I heard enough last night.
- You heard what I said?Copy !req
961. Every word.Copy !req
962. I thought you'd understand.Copy !req
963. Oh, I understand.Copy !req
964. Like you said, Who could
love a hideous, ugly beast?Copy !req
965. But I thought that
wouldn't matter to you.Copy !req
966. Yeah? Well, it does.Copy !req
967. Ah, right on time.Copy !req
968. Princess, I've brought you
a little something.Copy !req
969. What'd I miss? What'd I miss?Copy !req
970. Who said that?
Couldn't have been a donkey.Copy !req
971. Princess Fiona.Copy !req
972. As promised.
Now hand it over.Copy !req
973. Very well, ogre. The deed
to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.Copy !req
974. Take it and go
before I change my mind.Copy !req
975. Forgive me, Princess,
for startling you,Copy !req
976. but you startled me,Copy !req
977. for I have never seen
such a radiant beauty before.Copy !req
978. I am Lord Farquaad.Copy !req
979. Lord Farquaad?
Oh, no, no.Copy !req
980. Forgive me, my Lord,
for I was just saying...Copy !req
981. a short... farewell.Copy !req
982. That is so sweet. You don't have
to waste good manners on the ogre.Copy !req
983. It's not like
it has feelings.Copy !req
984. No, you're right.
It doesn't.Copy !req
985. Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair,
flawless Fiona.Copy !req
986. I ask your hand in marriage.Copy !req
987. Will you be the perfect bride
for the perfect groom?Copy !req
988. Lord Farquaad, I accept.
Nothing would make—Copy !req
989. Excellent! I'll start the plans,
for tomorrow we wed!Copy !req
990. No! I mean, uh,Copy !req
991. why wait?Copy !req
992. Let's get married today
before the sun sets.Copy !req
993. Oh, anxious, are we?
You're right.Copy !req
994. The sooner, the better.
There's so much to do!Copy !req
995. There's the caterer,
the cake, the band, the guest list.Copy !req
996. Captain, round up
some guests!Copy !req
997. Fare-thee-well, ogre.Copy !req
998. Shrek, what are you doing?
You're letting her get away.Copy !req
999. - Yeah? So what?
- Shrek, there's something
about her you don't know.Copy !req
1000. Look, I talked to her
last night. She's—Copy !req
1001. I know you talked to her last night.
You're great pals, aren't ya?Copy !req
1002. Now, if you two are such good friends,
why don't you follow her home?Copy !req
1003. Shrek, I—
I wanna go with you.Copy !req
1004. I told you, didn't I?
You're not coming home with me.Copy !req
1005. I live alone!
My swamp! Me! Nobody else!Copy !req
1006. Understand? Nobody!Copy !req
1007. Especially useless, pathetic,
annoying, talking donkeys!Copy !req
1008. - But I thought—
- Yeah. You know what?Copy !req
1009. You thought wrong!Copy !req
1010. Shrek.Copy !req
1011. I heard there was
a secret chordCopy !req
1012. That David played
and it pleased the LordCopy !req
1013. But you don't really
care for music, do yaCopy !req
1014. It goes like this
the fourth, the fifthCopy !req
1015. The minor fall
the major liftCopy !req
1016. The baffled king
composing hallelujahCopy !req
1017. HallelujahCopy !req
1018. HallelujahCopy !req
1019. HallelujahCopy !req
1020. HallelujahCopy !req
1021. Baby, I've been here beforeCopy !req
1022. I know this room
I've walked this floorCopy !req
1023. I used to live alone
before I knew youCopy !req
1024. I've seen your flag
on the marble archCopy !req
1025. But love is not
a victory marchCopy !req
1026. It's a cold
and it's a broken hallelujahCopy !req
1027. HallelujahCopy !req
1028. HallelujahCopy !req
1029. HallelujahCopy !req
1030. HallelujahCopy !req
1031. And all I ever
learned from loveCopy !req
1032. I show to shoot at someoneCopy !req
1033. Who outdrew youCopy !req
1034. And it's not a cry
you can hear at nightCopy !req
1035. It's not somebody
who's seen the lightCopy !req
1036. It's a cold
and it's a broken hallelujahCopy !req
1037. HallelujahCopy !req
1038. HallelujahCopy !req
1039. HallelujahCopy !req
1040. HallelujahCopy !req
1041. Donkey?Copy !req
1042. What are you doing?Copy !req
1043. I would think, of all people, you would
recognise a wall when you see one.Copy !req
1044. Well, yeah.Copy !req
1045. But the wall's supposed
to go around my swamp, not through it.Copy !req
1046. It is around your half. See,
that's your half, and this is my half.Copy !req
1047. Oh! Your half. Hmm.Copy !req
1048. Yes, my half.
I helped rescue the princess.Copy !req
1049. I did half the work,
I get half the booty.Copy !req
1050. Now hand me that big old rock,
the one that looks like your head.Copy !req
1051. - Back off!
- No, you back off.Copy !req
1052. - This is my swamp!
- Our swamp.Copy !req
1053. - Let go, Donkey!
- You let go.Copy !req
1054. - Stubborn jackass!
- Smelly ogre.Copy !req
1055. Fine!Copy !req
1056. - Hey, come back here.
I'm not through with you yet.
- Well, I'm through with you.Copy !req
1057. Uh-uh. You know,
with you it's always, Me, me, me!Copy !req
1058. Well, guess what!
Now it's my turn!Copy !req
1059. So you just shut up
and pay attention!Copy !req
1060. You are mean to me.Copy !req
1061. You insult me and you don't
appreciate anything that I do!Copy !req
1062. You're always pushing me around
or pushing me away.Copy !req
1063. Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you
so bad, how come you came back?Copy !req
1064. Because that's what friends do!
They forgive each other!Copy !req
1065. Oh, yeah.
You're right, Donkey.Copy !req
1066. I forgive you...
for stabbing me in the back!Copy !req
1067. Ohh! You're so wrapped up
in layers, onion boy, you're
afraid of your own feelings.Copy !req
1068. - Go away!
- There you are, doing it again
just like you did to Fiona.Copy !req
1069. All she ever do was like you,
maybe even love you.Copy !req
1070. Love me? She said I was ugly,
a hideous creature.Copy !req
1071. I heard the two of you
talking.Copy !req
1072. She wasn't talking about you.Copy !req
1073. She was talking about, uh,
somebody else.Copy !req
1074. She wasn't talking
about me?Copy !req
1075. Well, then who was
she talking about?Copy !req
1076. Uh-uh, no way. I am not saying anything.
You don't wanna listen to me.Copy !req
1077. - Right? Right?
- Donkey!Copy !req
1078. - No!
- Okay, look.Copy !req
1079. I'm sorry, all right?Copy !req
1080. Hmph.Copy !req
1081. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1082. I guess I am just a big,
stupid, ugly ogre.Copy !req
1083. Can you forgive me?Copy !req
1084. Hey, that's what friends
are for, right?Copy !req
1085. Right. Friends?Copy !req
1086. Friends.Copy !req
1087. So, um,Copy !req
1088. what did Fiona
say about me?Copy !req
1089. What are you asking me for?
Why don't you just go ask her?Copy !req
1090. The wedding!
We'll never make it in time.Copy !req
1091. Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where
there's a will, there's a way,Copy !req
1092. and I have a way.Copy !req
1093. Donkey?Copy !req
1094. I guess it's just
my animal magnetism.Copy !req
1095. Aw, come here, you.Copy !req
1096. All right, all right. Don't get
all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.Copy !req
1097. All right, hop on
and hold on tight.Copy !req
1098. I haven't had a chance to
install the seat belts yet.Copy !req
1099. Whoo!Copy !req
1100. People of DuLoc,Copy !req
1101. we gather here today...Copy !req
1102. to bear witness...Copy !req
1103. - to the union...
- Um—Copy !req
1104. - of our new king—
- Excuse me.Copy !req
1105. Could we just skip ahead
to the I do's?Copy !req
1106. Go on.Copy !req
1107. Go ahead, have some fun. If we
need you, I'll whistle. How about that?Copy !req
1108. Shrek, wait, wait!
Wait a minute!Copy !req
1109. - You wanna do this right, don't you?
- What are you talking about?Copy !req
1110. There's a line you
gotta wait for.Copy !req
1111. The preacher's gonna say, Speak now
or forever hold your peace.Copy !req
1112. - That's when you say, I object!
- I don't have time for this!Copy !req
1113. Wait. What are you doing?
Listen to me!Copy !req
1114. - Look, you love this woman, don't you?
- Yes.Copy !req
1115. - You wanna hold her?
- Yes.Copy !req
1116. - Please her?
- Yes!Copy !req
1117. Then you got to, got to
try a little tendernessCopy !req
1118. - The chicks love that romantic crap!
- All right! Cut it out.Copy !req
1119. - When does this guy say the line?
- We gotta check it out.Copy !req
1120. And so, by the power vested in me,Copy !req
1121. - What do you see?
- The whole town's in there.Copy !req
1122. - I now pronounce you husband and wife,
- They're at the altar.Copy !req
1123. - king and queen.
- Mother Fletcher! He already said it.Copy !req
1124. Oh, for the love of Pete!Copy !req
1125. I object!Copy !req
1126. Shrek?Copy !req
1127. Oh, now what
does he want?Copy !req
1128. Hi, everyone.
Having a good time, are ya?Copy !req
1129. I love DuLoc,
first of all.Copy !req
1130. - Very clean.
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
1131. Really, it's rude enough
being alive when no one wants you,Copy !req
1132. - but showing up uninvited to a wedding—
- Fiona!Copy !req
1133. - I need to talk to you.
- Oh, now you wanna talk?Copy !req
1134. It's a little late for that,
so if you'll excuse me—Copy !req
1135. - But you can't marry him.
- And why not?Copy !req
1136. Because— Because he's just
marrying you so he can be king.Copy !req
1137. Outrageous!
Fiona, don't listen to him.Copy !req
1138. - He's not your true love.
- And what do you know about true love?Copy !req
1139. Well, I— Uh—Copy !req
1140. - I mean—
- Oh, this is precious.Copy !req
1141. The ogre
has fallen in love with the princess!Copy !req
1142. Oh, good Lord.Copy !req
1143. An ogre and a princess!Copy !req
1144. Shrek,
is this true?Copy !req
1145. Who cares?
It's preposterous!Copy !req
1146. Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away
from our happily ever after.Copy !req
1147. Now kiss me!
Mmmm!Copy !req
1148. By night one way,
by day another.Copy !req
1149. I wanted to show you before.Copy !req
1150. Well, uh,Copy !req
1151. that explains a lot.Copy !req
1152. Ugh! It's disgusting!Copy !req
1153. Guards! Guards!Copy !req
1154. I order you to get that
out of my sight now! Get them!Copy !req
1155. - Get them both!
- No, no!Copy !req
1156. This hocus-pocus alters nothing.
This marriage is binding,
and that makes me king!Copy !req
1157. - See? See?
- No, let go of me! Shrek!Copy !req
1158. - No!
- Don't just
stand there, you morons.Copy !req
1159. Get out of my way!
Fiona!Copy !req
1160. Arrgh!Copy !req
1161. I'll make you regret the day we met.
I'll see you drawn and quartered!Copy !req
1162. - You'll beg for death to save you!
- No! Shrek!Copy !req
1163. - And as for you, my wife,
- Fiona!Copy !req
1164. I'll have you locked back in that tower
for the rest of your days!Copy !req
1165. I am king!Copy !req
1166. I will have order!
I will have perfection! I will have—Copy !req
1167. Aaah!Copy !req
1168. - Aah!
- All right. Nobody move.Copy !req
1169. I got a dragon here,
and I'm not afraid to use it.Copy !req
1170. I'm a donkey on the edge!Copy !req
1171. Celebrity marriages.
They never last, do they?Copy !req
1172. Go ahead, Shrek.Copy !req
1173. Uh, Fiona?Copy !req
1174. Yes, Shrek?Copy !req
1175. I— I love you.Copy !req
1176. Really?Copy !req
1177. Really, really.Copy !req
1178. I love you too.Copy !req
1179. Aawww!Copy !req
1180. Until you
find truelove's first kiss...Copy !req
1181. and then take love's true form.Copy !req
1182. Take love's
true form. Take love's true form.Copy !req
1183. Fiona?Copy !req
1184. Fiona.Copy !req
1185. Are you all right?Copy !req
1186. Well, yes.Copy !req
1187. But I don't understand.Copy !req
1188. I'm supposed to be beautiful.Copy !req
1189. But you are beautiful.Copy !req
1190. I was hoping this would be
a happy ending.Copy !req
1191. I thought love was only true
in fairy talesCopy !req
1192. Oy!Copy !req
1193. Meant for someone else
but not for meCopy !req
1194. Love was out to get meCopy !req
1195. That's the way it seemedCopy !req
1196. Disappointment
haunted all my dreamsCopy !req
1197. And then I saw her faceCopy !req
1198. Now I'm a believerCopy !req
1199. And not a traceCopy !req
1200. Of doubt in my mindCopy !req
1201. - I'm in love
- Ooh-ahhCopy !req
1202. I'm a believer
I couldn't leave herCopy !req
1203. If I triedCopy !req
1204. God bless us, every one.Copy !req
1205. Come on, y'all!
Then I saw her face Ha-ha!Copy !req
1206. Now I'm a believer
Listen!Copy !req
1207. Not a traceCopy !req
1208. Of doubt in my mindCopy !req
1209. I'm in love
Ooh-ahhCopy !req
1210. I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if I triedCopy !req
1211. - Ooh!
- Uh!Copy !req
1212. Then I saw her faceCopy !req
1213. Now I'm a believer
Hey!Copy !req
1214. Not a trace
Uhh! Yeah.Copy !req
1215. Of doubt in my mind
One more time!Copy !req
1216. I'm in love
I'm a believerCopy !req
1217. Come on!Copy !req
1218. I believe, I believe
I believe, I believeCopy !req
1219. I believe, I believe
I believe, I believe, I believe, heyCopy !req
1220. Y'all sing it with me!
ICopy !req
1221. BelieveCopy !req
1222. I believe
People in the back!Copy !req
1223. - I believe
- I'm a believerCopy !req
1224. I believeCopy !req
1225. I believeCopy !req
1226. I believeCopy !req
1227. Oh, that's funny.
Oh. Oh.Copy !req
1228. I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.Copy !req
1229. I believe in self-assertionCopy !req
1230. Destiny or
as light diversionCopy !req
1231. Now it seems
I've got my head on straightCopy !req
1232. I'm a freak
an apparitionCopy !req
1233. Seems I've made
the right decisionCopy !req
1234. To try to turn back now
it might be too lateCopy !req
1235. - I want to stay home today
- Don't wanna go outCopy !req
1236. - If anyone comes to play
- Gonna get thrown outCopy !req
1237. - I wanna stay home today
- Don't want no companyCopy !req
1238. No wayCopy !req
1239. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1240. I wanna be a millionaire
some dayCopy !req
1241. But know what it feels like
to give it awayCopy !req
1242. Watch me march
to the beat of my own drumCopy !req
1243. And it's off to the moon
and then back againCopy !req
1244. Same old day
Same situationCopy !req
1245. My happiness rears back
as if to sayCopy !req
1246. - I wanna stay home today
- Don't wanna go outCopy !req
1247. - If anyone comes my way
- Gonna get thrown outCopy !req
1248. - I wanna stay home today
- Don't want no companyCopy !req
1249. No wayCopy !req
1250. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1251. I wanna stay home
stay home, stay homeCopy !req
1252. - I wanna stay home today
- Don't wanna go outCopy !req
1253. - If anyone comes to play
- Gonna get thrown outCopy !req
1254. I wanna stay home todayCopy !req
1255. Don't want no company
No wayCopy !req
1256. Yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1257. I get such a thrill
when you looking my eyesCopy !req
1258. My heart skips a beat
Girl, I feel so aliveCopy !req
1259. Please tell me, baby
if all this is trueCopy !req
1260. Cause deep down inside
all I wanted was youCopy !req
1261. Oh-oh-oh
Makes me wanna danceCopy !req
1262. Oh-oh-oh
It's a new romanceCopy !req
1263. Oh-oh-oh
I look into your eyesCopy !req
1264. Oh-oh-oh
The best years of our livesCopy !req
1265. When we first met
I could hardly believeCopy !req
1266. The things that would happen
and we could achieveCopy !req
1267. So let's be together
for all of our timeCopy !req
1268. Oh, girl, I'm so thankful
that you are still mineCopy !req
1269. You always consider me
like an ugly ducklingCopy !req
1270. And treat me like a Nostradamus
was why I had to get my shine onCopy !req
1271. I break a little something
to keep my mind onCopy !req
1272. Cause you had my mind gone
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-ehCopy !req
1273. Turn the lights on, Come on, baby
Let's just rewind the songCopy !req
1274. Cause all I want to do is
make the rest years the best yearsCopy !req
1275. All night longCopy !req
1276. - Oh-oh-oh, makes me wanna dance
- Makes me wanna danceCopy !req
1277. - Oh-oh-oh, it's a new romance
- It's a new romanceCopy !req
1278. - Oh-oh-oh, I look into your eyes
- Oh, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1279. - Look into your eyes
- Oh-oh-ohCopy !req
1280. - The best years of our lives
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahCopy !req
1281. - Oh-oh-oh, makes me wanna dance
- Whoa-oh-oh, dance, yeahCopy !req
1282. Oh-oh-oh
It's a new romanceCopy !req
1283. - Oh-oh-oh, I look into your eyes
- Look into your eyes, yeahCopy !req
1284. Oh-oh-oh
The best years of our livesCopy !req
1285. Everything looks brightCopy !req
1286. Standing in your lightCopy !req
1287. Everything feels rightCopy !req
1288. What's left is out of sightCopy !req
1289. What's a girl to do
I'm telling you, you're on my mindCopy !req
1290. I wanna be with youCopy !req
1291. Cause when you're
standing next to meCopy !req
1292. It's like wowCopy !req
1293. And all your kisses
seem to set me freeCopy !req
1294. It's like wowCopy !req
1295. And when we touch
it's such a rush, I can't get enoughCopy !req
1296. It's like— It's like
Ooh-oohCopy !req
1297. Hey, whatCopy !req
1298. It's like wow
Ooh-ooh, heyCopy !req
1299. Hey, yeah
It's like wowCopy !req
1300. Everything is looking
right now, right nowCopy !req
1301. - It's like wow
- And I got this feelingCopy !req
1302. This feeling
it's just like wowCopy !req
1303. It's just like wowCopy !req
1304. - You are all I'm thinking of.
- Like wowCopy !req
1305. Everything feels right
Everything feels rightCopy !req
1306. - Like wow
- Everything looks brightCopy !req
1307. All my senses are right.Copy !req
1308. - Like wow
- Everything feels rightCopy !req
1309. Baby, baby, baby
the way I'm feeling youCopy !req
1310. Is like wowCopy !req
1311. There is something
that I seeCopy !req
1312. In the way
you look at meCopy !req
1313. There's a smile
There's a truthCopy !req
1314. In your eyesCopy !req
1315. What an unexpected wayCopy !req
1316. On this unexpected dayCopy !req
1317. Could it beCopy !req
1318. This is where I belongCopy !req
1319. It is you I have lovedCopy !req
1320. All alongCopy !req
1321. There's no more mysteryCopy !req
1322. It is finally clear to meCopy !req
1323. You're the home
my heart's searched forCopy !req
1324. So longCopy !req
1325. It is you I have lovedCopy !req
1326. All alongCopy !req
1327. Whoa, over and overCopy !req
1328. I'm filled with emotionCopy !req
1329. As I lookCopy !req
1330. Into your perfect faceCopy !req