1. I heard she was
moved to another room.
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2. Mrs. Larson?
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3. It...
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4. It won't be much longer, Mrs.
Larson.
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5. Oh. Well, is he
in a lot of pain?
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6. No. No, no.
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7. There'll be no more pain for your husband.
He's heavily sedated.
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8. Okay. I think I'm gonna go
send little Hal in now.
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9. No. No, no. I don't think
that's such a good idea.
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10. With all the painkillers,
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11. the Reverend's
not exactly himself.
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12. Look, I think my boy has a right
to say goodbye to his father.
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13. I mean, the man means
everything in the world to him.
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14. Well, your call.
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15. Nurse?
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16. Yes, Reverend Larson?
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17. Did you see the cowboy?
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18. The cowboy?
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19. The cowboy who gave me the
singing nickel in Pudding Town?
Copy !req
20. Okay, think it's time to
turn down the morphine drip.
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21. Reverend Larson?
Your son is here.
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22. Okay, sure.
Send her in.
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23. Ladies?
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24. A little privacy.
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25. Dad?
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26. It's me, Dad. Hal.
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27. Oh. Glad you're here,
kiddo.
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28. Got a few things
to tell ya.
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29. First, I want you
to promise
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30. that no matter
what you do in life,
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31. you will never, ever
settle for average.
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32. Yes, sir.
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33. Second, don't be satisfied
with routine poontang.
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34. Don't do what I did.
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35. I married for love, and your
mother Betty has been a nightmare.
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36. But, Dad, Mom's
name is Marian.
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37. Listen to me.
I'm giving you pearls here.
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38. And third, find yourself
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39. a classic beauty
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40. with a perfect can
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41. and great toddies.
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42. That will put you in good
stead with the Lord.
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43. It's all in here.
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44. Yes, sir.
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45. Hot, young tail's
what it's all about.
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46. Hot.
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47. Young tail.
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48. I'll make you proud, Papa.
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49. Uncle Larry's
hooked on ice again
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50. He seems to be
stuck in the '80s
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51. He wears his
Members Only jacket
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52. 'Cause he thinks
it turns on all the ladies
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53. And all the white folks
shake their asses
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54. Looking for the two and four
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55. I'll have mine
in martini glasses
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56. 'Cause I can't
take it any more
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57. These are the days
of empty kitchens
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58. The rise and fall
of Mary Ellen's hairdo
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59. Excuse me, jackass.
Can you not hear me down there?
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60. I want nothing to do with
you, you little warthog.
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61. You had me
at "Get lost."
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62. Hey, what's up, Mauricio?
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63. Hey, Hal.
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64. How's the crowd tonight?
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65. Good. I got a few bites.
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66. Yeah? Can I
get you a drink?
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67. I won't say no to that.
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68. Two beers.
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69. - Two Buds?
- Two Buds.
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70. So, I didn't expect
to see you here.
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71. Where's your
new girl Loni?
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72. - Lindy.
- Lindy.
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73. - She's...
- Here you go.
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74. Actually, I didn't tell her
I was going out tonight.
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75. Why not? Things
okay with you guys?
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76. Yeah. A little too okay, if you
know what I'm talking about.
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77. No, I don't know.
What's that mean?
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78. Things are going
in the shitter.
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79. Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that.
Why is she dumping you?
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80. She's not.
I'm dumping her.
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81. You're dumping Loni?
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82. Lindy. Are you crazy?
Lindy's gorgeous.
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83. On the surface, but when you
get to know her better,
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84. there's a whole
other story goin' on.
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85. Yeah? How goes that?
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86. We're sitting there, you know,
and she's got her bare...
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87. Her bare feet
were on the couch,
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88. and I notice that
her second toe is, like,
Copy !req
89. half an inch longer
than her big toe.
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90. That's it?
You're breaking up over that?
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91. Hey, I don't need
that circus shit.
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92. Well, couldn't she get the
toe filed down or something?
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93. What, then
I'm dating a nub?
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94. I'm starting to think
we're jinxed here.
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95. Speak for yourself,
my friend.
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96. What, you got
the promotion?
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97. I don't hear about
that till tomorrow.
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98. But guess who is now officially
going out with Jill.
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99. Jill? Your neighbor Jill?
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100. You're going
out with Jill?
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101. And she doesn't
exactly hate me.
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102. Get out! You are the
luckiest man on the planet.
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103. So what are you
doing here?
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104. She's hostessing
until 11:00.
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105. Actually,
I better get going.
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106. I'll try to catch her
on the way home.
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107. See if she wants
to get a drink.
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108. If I know you, that's not
all she'll be getting.
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109. I'll see you later.
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110. I said no.
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111. No? Why not?
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112. I don't want to have a drink.
I want to go home.
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113. Is that so hard
to understand?
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114. Hey, hey, hey-
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115. What's goin' on?
Are you mad?
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116. No, I'm not mad.
I just...
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117. Go on, say it.
You know what?
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118. No matter what it is,
we're gonna work it out.
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119. Hal, I'm not
attracted to you.
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120. So what?
You think everyone who goes out
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121. is attracted to each other?
Get real.
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122. I think they're attracted to
each other in the beginning.
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123. Oh, come on. That sounds like
a bunch of New Age hooey.
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124. All right, maybe
for some people
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125. there's a little spark in the
beginning, but for most,
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126. the attraction part
happens way later.
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127. Just like that,
we're breaking up?
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128. Well, we were never going out.
We just had one date.
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129. Come on. Hey, let's stay together five days.
That's all I need.
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130. Why do you need
five days?
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131. Because tomorrow, I'll
finally get my promotion.
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132. There's gonna be parties, dinners, this, that.
Come on, I need you now.
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133. You don't need me.
You'll be so busy, you won't think about me.
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134. How can I not
think about you?
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135. You live right
across the hall.
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136. I don't know, Hal. Maybe...
Maybe you should think about moving.
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137. Hal, we've made a decision regarding
that wholesaler position.
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138. Yes! It's about
time, Dave.
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139. We decided to go with
the gal from Merrill.
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140. She's a proven entity.
A big producer.
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141. I'm sorry, man.
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142. No, it's... The gal's a proven entity.
What the heck you gonna do?
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143. Hal, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, thanks.
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144. You should have gotten it.
You deserved it.
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145. No, I didn't. Obviously I
didn't put them in a position
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146. where they had to promote me.
It's a good lesson.
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147. Make yourself indispensable,
that's the key.
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148. And to make matters worse,
Jill dumped me last night.
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149. Dumped you? Don't you have to
be going out to get dumped?
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150. What does that mean?
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151. I just thought
it was more of a...
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152. Anyway, I don't see
why you care so much.
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153. You know she was
wrong for you.
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154. How can you say that?
She was perfect.
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155. When are you gonna get it?
They're just well-formed molecules.
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156. By the way, her tits
weren't even real.
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157. Well, I could squeeze 'em.
That's real enough for me.
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158. Hal, I don't
understand how a guy
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159. who's as nice, and loyal, and generous
as you could have such a huge flaw.
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160. What are you talking about?
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161. You don't think picking girls solely on
their looks may not be the best way?
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162. What, am I supposed to apologize
for having high standards?
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163. High standards?
In the five years I've known you,
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164. every woman, I should say
girl, you've gone after
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165. has been completely
out of your league.
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166. What's that
supposed to mean?
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167. Oh, she doesn't
mean anything by it.
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168. She's just saying you're
not that good-looking.
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169. Oh! I thought she was implying
something really mean.
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170. No.
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171. Hey, it's you.
You're the TV guru guy.
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172. Tony Robbins.
Pleased to meet you.
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173. Yeah! Oh, man!
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174. So, wow! You gave advice
to whatchamacallit.
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175. President Clinton?
Mandela? No,no, no.
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176. Gorbachev?
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177. No, no. Pamela Anderson.
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178. Right? Yeah! Give me
another handshake.
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179. Man,
look at those mitts!
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180. That's like grabbing
a bunch of bananas.
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181. And what's up with those dogs?
How big are those?
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182. Size 16, buddy.
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183. Holy cannoli.
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184. You must do pretty
good with the ladies.
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185. Just one.
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186. - Really?
- Yeah.
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187. She sounds hot!
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188. She is an amazing lady.
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189. I bet.
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190. So, what are you
doing in my town?
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191. We're doing
a seminar here.
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192. I help people deal with life's challenges
with more dignity and more courage.
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193. That's my deal, is the courage.
I try to...
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194. Hang on a second.
Are we gonna fall?
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195. No, it just stopped.
That's weird.
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196. Oh, man, yeah.
So what do we... Hang on.
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197. - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
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198. You Okay?
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199. Yeah, yeah. It's just,
I feel a little lightheaded.
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200. Then she dumped me.
Flat out.
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201. Not even the courtesy
of a severance pop.
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202. A severance pop?
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203. You know, one last...
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204. To ease the pain.
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205. The nice ones'll
sometimes throw you that.
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206. It sounds like you've had
some odd relationships.
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207. Yeah.
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208. See, the problem is
I'm kinda picky.
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209. What do you mean, picky?
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210. Well, for instance,
I like 'em real young.
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211. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her
first Sports Illustrated layout?
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212. You want a young
Paulina type?
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213. Well, that face, but
with better headlights.
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214. You know how hers have
kind of dimmed lately?
Copy !req
215. Heidi Klum's beams would do.
And her teeth.
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216. Or that Britney Spears girl.
She's got great knockers.
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217. But she's a tad muscular.
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218. Actually, you know what?
Her ass would do, too, if she had a better grill.
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219. Like Michelle Pfeiffer
back when she did Grease 2.
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220. But she'd have to be a little
smilier than Michelle.
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221. Like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos,
before she got Stamosed.
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222. But not as skinny.
Someone a little meatier, like Heidi.
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223. But no accent.
You know those accents...
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224. They really get old fast.
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225. You know what I mean.
Someone like that.
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226. Don't you think you're being a bit
shallow in the way you look at women?
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227. Well, no.
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228. I mean, you know, I'd like her to
be into culture and shit, too.
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229. Okay, hypothetical situation.
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230. Which do you prefer, a girlfriend
missing one breast or half a brain?
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231. Toughie.
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232. That's a toughie.
Copy !req
233. How's the remaining
breast? Is it big?
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234. What's your relationship
like with your parents?
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235. Oh, it's excellent. I mean, my mom's hilarious.
She golfs every afternoon.
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236. Actually, I don't
really remember my dad.
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237. He died when
I was nine, so...
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238. If you were nine, that's kind of odd.
You should remember a lot.
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239. Yeah, but I don't.
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240. My mom thinks I might have been a
little traumatized by the whole thing.
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241. Anyway, all I remember
is he was great.
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242. He was a great guy, and I
really loved him. But...
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243. I'm sorry you lost him.
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244. Hey, listen, I know
you got a great heart.
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245. You're just a bit fixated
on people's appearances.
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246. So, Hal Larson, I'm gonna
do you a great favor.
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247. - Really?
- Yeah.
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248. Listen, this is how it'll work.
From this moment on,
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249. whenever you meet
someone in the future,
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250. you're only gonna see
what's inside them.
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251. So you'll respond
to that.
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252. Because that, my friend,
is where the true beauty lies.
Copy !req
253. Okay, Tony, I think you're
getting a little cabin fever.
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254. Hold on.
What if I told you
Copy !req
255. you could have the most
beautiful women in the world?
Copy !req
256. Is this kind of like
what you do in your seminars?
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257. No, no,
this is very special.
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258. This is just
between you and me.
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259. Let's get up, and I'll
show you what to do. Yeah!
Copy !req
260. Now, you got a pattern of looking at
women and judging them by the exterior.
Copy !req
261. We gotta break that pattern.
All right.
Copy !req
262. So has there been a time when
you were especially shallow?
Copy !req
263. You saw a woman, thought you
were better than she was?
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264. - All the time.
- All the time.
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265. Can you think of a time
when you were really shallow?
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266. Oh, yeah, I got one.
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267. Think about that. Ready?
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268. Devils, come out!
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269. What the hell are you
doin', banana hands?
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270. Just hang on.
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271. We gotta jolt
your nervous system.
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272. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
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273. Not just talk about it.
Here's what I want you to do.
Copy !req
274. - Just relax.
- All right.
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275. And I won't
do that again.
Copy !req
276. I didn't mean
the "banana hands" thing.
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277. That's okay.
Copy !req
278. Close your eyes. Just relax.
And I want you to imagine that you're on a beach.
Copy !req
279. It's a warm day, and the sun
is just starting to set.
Copy !req
280. And you're looking in the eyes of a
woman, and you're feeling her heart.
Copy !req
281. You're seeing her soul.
Copy !req
282. You're feeling her spirit.
Copy !req
283. That's it.
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284. That's it. Excellent.
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285. ExceHenL
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286. Taxi!
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287. Oh.
Copy !req
288. I'm sorry. I...
I thought that...
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289. No,no,no.No. It's my fault.
I didn't see you.
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290. This is your cab.
No, I'm gonna get the next cab.
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291. Okay
All right
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292. Look, I'm just...
I'm just headed over to the East Side.
Copy !req
293. Do you want to share, or...
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294. Yeah!
Copy !req
295. Yeah, let's take this one.
Copy !req
296. So, awesome.
Thank you. Terrific.
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297. Where to, my friends?
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298. East Side Plaza
for me, please.
Copy !req
299. Likewise.
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300. What? Sorry. I just...
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301. I mean, yeah, you're...
You're really pretty.
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302. Yeah, right.
Copy !req
303. Jeez, is everybody in
this city so flattering?
Copy !req
304. See, I figured you weren't from around here.
Where you from?
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305. Boston.
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306. Beantown.
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307. The musical fruit.
Copy !req
308. The more you eat,
the more you toot.
Copy !req
309. So, you here on
a shoot or something?
Copy !req
310. A shoot?
Copy !req
311. I mean, you must be
a model, right?
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312. My grandmother's
not doing so well,
Copy !req
313. so I took a year off
from school to help her out.
Copy !req
314. Helping granny.
Cool.
Copy !req
315. - Thanks.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
316. Bye.
Copy !req
317. So, nice catching up.
Copy !req
318. Listen,
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319. I know you'll probably think I'm some
kind of wacko for asking, but...
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320. What?
Copy !req
321. Well, while you're here in
town, I mean, you know...
Copy !req
322. If you ever feel like taking a break from
hanging out with your old, sick granny,
Copy !req
323. you know, we could...
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324. Sure. I mean...
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325. Really?
Copy !req
326. Are you kidding?
Yeah! That'd be...
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327. I would absolutely
love to, if...
Copy !req
328. Okay, yeah. I should
get your number, then.
Copy !req
329. No, no. I'll get yours,
because it would...
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330. With my luck,
you'll lose mine, so...
Copy !req
331. Oh. No, I get it.
Very funny.
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332. You got me. That was...
No, that was good.
Copy !req
333. You could've just said no,
but you went the extra mile.
Copy !req
334. That was harsh.
I don't need this shit.
Copy !req
335. Well, hey...
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336. What?
Copy !req
337. I do want your number.
I'm sorry!
Copy !req
338. I don't know what...
That was dumb.
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339. I was saying something...
I thought you meant... Never mind.
Copy !req
340. Yes. Yes.
Copy !req
341. Here's my phone number,
and here's my e-mail.
Copy !req
342. E-mail. That's...
Copy !req
343. Yeah. That's funny.
Copy !req
344. Hello?
Hey, mudwhistle, get dressed.
Copy !req
345. We're going out.
Copy !req
346. So Robbins gave you free therapy
while you were in the elevator?
Copy !req
347. Yeah. And then...
Check this out.
Copy !req
348. He does this thing to me where he makes
it so I can score better with the ladies.
Copy !req
349. At the time I thought
it was sort of a joke.
Copy !req
350. But this afternoon, the first
beautiful woman I saw went for me.
Copy !req
351. Could be coincidence.
Copy !req
352. Butno. This wasn't, you know...
This was different.
Copy !req
353. I don't know, she went
crazy for me or something.
Copy !req
354. I think talking to him helped
my confidence or something.
Copy !req
355. 'Cause I do feel
more confident.
Copy !req
356. Shit. Look who's here.
Copy !req
357. What's the matter?
You have a problem with Walt?
Copy !req
358. You don't?
Copy !req
359. No. Why would I?
Copy !req
360. Don't you get sick of it sometimes?
Sick of what?
Copy !req
361. The whole I-walk-on-all-fours
- so-I-own-the-world thing.
Copy !req
362. All the phony
self-deprecating crap.
Copy !req
363. Jeez, the guy...
Give the guy a break!
Copy !req
364. He's got spina bifida!
He plays the hand he was dealt.
Copy !req
365. Yeah. And here he comes.
Copy !req
366. There's a couple of
belt buckles I recognize.
Copy !req
367. Hey, Walt.
How you doing?
Copy !req
368. Do I look like I have
anything to complain about?
Copy !req
369. Not if you don't mind
bunions on your knuckles.
Copy !req
370. I gotta go to the can.
Copy !req
371. Hey, man,
good to see ya.
Copy !req
372. Good to see you.
Copy !req
373. - How you been?
- Good.
Copy !req
374. There's a pair of panties I recognize.
How ya doing, Deb?
Copy !req
375. Okay, wise guy,
what's it gonna be?
Copy !req
376. A bottle of Dom
for my buddy here.
Copy !req
377. Another?
Okay, you got it.
Copy !req
378. And keep 'em coming.
Copy !req
379. What's the occasion?
Copy !req
380. I take it you don't read
the business section?
Copy !req
381. What did I miss?
Copy !req
382. I sold my company
to Microsoft.
Copy !req
383. Yeah? And
you cleaned up?
Copy !req
384. Well, put it this way.
If I had an ass, I'd wipe it with twenties.
Copy !req
385. All right!
Congratulations!
Copy !req
386. Yup, I'm officially retired
and on the prowl.
Copy !req
387. Hey, Walt.
Copy !req
388. Hey, Sally.
Copy !req
389. I got a leash.
Would you like to take me for a walk?
Copy !req
390. Come on, boy.
Copy !req
391. Catch ya later.
Copy !req
392. Hi.
Copy !req
393. Hi.
Copy !req
394. Hal.
Copy !req
395. I'm Bella.
Copy !req
396. So, what's up?
Copy !req
397. Nothing.
Copy !req
398. My friends are all out
on the dance floor.
Copy !req
399. Yeah?
Copy !req
400. Oh, how come you're not out there
spanking the planks with 'em?
Copy !req
401. Spanking the planks.
Copy !req
402. So, are they
your roommates, or...
Copy !req
403. No, we work together at the
Foundation Fighting Blindness.
Copy !req
404. Oh, cool. I used
to know a deaf guy.
Copy !req
405. Yeah.
Copy !req
406. - Hey, do you wanna dance?
- Yes!
Copy !req
407. All right.
Copy !req
408. Baby, when I saw you turning
at the end of the street
Copy !req
409. I knew a time was gone
Copy !req
410. And it took me like ages
Copy !req
411. Just to understand that I was
afraid to be a simple guy
Copy !req
412. I tried my best to smile
Copy !req
413. But deep inside my heart I felt it
was shouting like a crowd dancing
Copy !req
414. I guess I couldn't
live without the things
Copy !req
415. That made my life
what it is
Copy !req
416. Can't you hear me calling?
Copy !req
417. Oh, yeah
Copy !req
418. Everybody's dancing
Copy !req
419. Oh, yeah
Copy !req
420. Tonight everything
is over...
Copy !req
421. What in the name
of all that is holy?
Copy !req
422. I can't lie on my bed
without thinking I was wrong
Copy !req
423. But when that
feeling calls...
Copy !req
424. Do you need help?
Copy !req
425. What? Come on!
Copy !req
426. Nighttime won't hold me
in your arms again
Copy !req
427. I got a very good
friend who says
Copy !req
428. He can't believe the love
I give is not enough
Copy !req
429. To end your fears I guess I
couldn't live without the things
Copy !req
430. That made my life
what it is
Copy !req
431. Hal?
Copy !req
432. It's 10:00.
We gotta go.
Copy !req
433. What are
you talking about?
Copy !req
434. Hal, we gotta go
do that thing.
Copy !req
435. You know, at the place.
Copy !req
436. What thing?
Copy !req
437. Hey, sorry, ladies.
Copy !req
438. I gotta steal your
dance partner here.
Copy !req
439. No!
Copy !req
440. What are you doing?
Copy !req
441. I am rescuing you!
Copy !req
442. From what?
Copy !req
443. From what!
Copy !req
444. Oh, rainfalls and hard times coming,
they won't leave me tonight
Copy !req
445. From a pack of stampeding buffalo!
That's from what!
Copy !req
446. Just do let this spirit
survive Everybody's dancing
Copy !req
447. Come join us. I'm going
after the redhead.
Copy !req
448. You can have your
pick of the other two.
Copy !req
449. You mean you get the hyena, and I choose
between the hippo and the giraffe?
Copy !req
450. Don't be intimidated, man.
They don't bite! Now, let's go!
Copy !req
451. I'm getting back in there!
Copy !req
452. Hey, go nuts.
Copy !req
453. Tonight everything is over
Copy !req
454. I feel too young
Copy !req
455. Hey, Jill.
Copy !req
456. Everybody's shaking
Copy !req
457. Mauricio, it's Hal.
Pick it up.
Copy !req
458. Look, man, I don't know what the hell
was the matter with you last night.
Copy !req
459. First you wouldn't dance
with the hotties at the bar,
Copy !req
460. then at the IHOP, those
hotties were even hotter,
Copy !req
461. and you disappear!
Oh, my...
Copy !req
462. I gotta call you back.
Something came up.
Copy !req
463. In the sky the birds
are pulling rain
Copy !req
464. In your life a curse
has got a name
Copy !req
465. Building a parachute?
Copy !req
466. Excuse me?
Copy !req
467. They're a little big,
aren't they?
Copy !req
468. Oh, I get it. You ripped the
spinnaker on your sailboat, right?
Copy !req
469. I'm sorry. I just...
Copy !req
470. It seemed so funny seeing someone like
you holding up a pair of old-lady trou.
Copy !req
471. Someone like me?
Copy !req
472. Yeah. You know,
someone so fit.
Copy !req
473. You are a jackass.
Copy !req
474. Miss, please. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
475. I didn't mean to offend you.
Copy !req
476. Hey, unibrow, why don't you double
your dosage and leave me alone?
Copy !req
477. Let's start over.
Copy !req
478. Look, that was
really dumb of me.
Copy !req
479. You were probably buying 'em for someone
close to you, right? And I insulted them.
Copy !req
480. Well, however it is
you took it,
Copy !req
481. I want you to know I didn't
mean to piss you off.
Copy !req
482. I wanted to meet you,
and I guess...
Copy !req
483. I guess I'm not real
smooth sometimes.
Copy !req
484. Let me make it up to you.
Copy !req
485. Excuse me, miss.
Is everything all right?
Copy !req
486. So, what do you do
for a living, Rosemary?
Copy !req
487. I'm actually volunteering
at the hospital right now,
Copy !req
488. 'cause I'm waiting for this
re-up thing to come through.
Copy !req
489. Re-up? What,
are you in the army?
Copy !req
490. Peace Corps.
Copy !req
491. Peace Corps.
Copy !req
492. That's very altrudocious
of you.
Copy !req
493. Altrudocious?
That's not a word.
Copy !req
494. You mean
humanidocious, right?
Copy !req
495. Yeah. That's the one.
Copy !req
496. All right.
Ready to order?
Copy !req
497. Yeah. Can I get
a double pizza burger,
Copy !req
498. chili fries with cheese, and
a large chocolate milkshake?
Copy !req
499. Nicely done. I'll have
the exact same thing.
Copy !req
500. You got it.
Copy !req
501. I am impressed.
Copy !req
502. It's nice to see a girl
order a real meal.
Copy !req
503. I can't stand it when you guys order
a glass of water and a crouton.
Copy !req
504. It ruins the whole
point of going out.
Copy !req
505. Yeah, well, that's probably what
I should be ordering, you know?
Copy !req
506. But I don't know,
no matter what I eat,
Copy !req
507. my weight just seems
to stay the same.
Copy !req
508. So I just figure, what the hell?
I'm gonna eat what I want.
Copy !req
509. Oh, totally. If you can get
away with it, more power to ya.
Copy !req
510. Don't be a smart-ass.
Copy !req
511. What?
No, I'm just saying, you know.
Copy !req
512. I feel bad for people who count calories.
It's no way to live.
Copy !req
513. Yeah.
Copy !req
514. But in return they get to
be a lot thinner than I am.
Copy !req
515. Are you out of your mind?
Copy !req
516. What do you weigh?
110,115 pounds?
Copy !req
517. Which one of my butt cheeks
are you talking about?
Copy !req
518. Okay.
Copy !req
519. Cuckoo, cuckoo.
Copy !req
520. Trust me, whatever you're
doing, it's working.
Copy !req
521. It is working.
Copy !req
522. Oh, go on.
Copy !req
523. Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Copy !req
524. Oops.
Copy !req
525. Goddang it. Rosemary, don't move.
Is your back all right?
Copy !req
526. Yeah.
Copy !req
527. Is she all right?
Copy !req
528. Listen, you gotta get some
decent chairs in here, man.
Copy !req
529. What's this shit
made out of, anyway?
Copy !req
530. Steel.
Copy !req
531. Yeah? Well, you should get it
welded better in the corners!
Copy !req
532. All right, then.
Copy !req
533. Rosemary, you sure
you're okay?
Copy !req
534. Yeah. I'm a little
embarrassed but
Copy !req
535. it's happened before,
it'll happen again.
Copy !req
536. Oh, man.
Copy !req
537. Don't be embarrassed. Listen, I beef it.
Everybody beefs it.
Copy !req
538. We're too late.
The food's probably all gone.
Copy !req
539. Listen, can you wait
here one second?
Copy !req
540. Oh, Hal,
just let it go.
Copy !req
541. Nah. Nah.
Copy !req
542. - Hal.
- Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Copy !req
543. You guys are making fun of me
'cause I'm a little pudgy?
Copy !req
544. No, I wasn't making fun of you.
I was... That's fine.
Copy !req
545. Do me a favor.
Take a look outside.
Copy !req
546. You see that little
fox out there?
Copy !req
547. See that little number?
She's with me.
Copy !req
548. If you took all the women you
two have ever gone out with,
Copy !req
549. they wouldn't
equal one of her.
Copy !req
550. - We're not arguing that.
- No.
Copy !req
551. That's right.
Laugh it up, fellas.
Copy !req
552. And tonight, when you're hugging
your pillow, remember, I'm with her.
Copy !req
553. All right? That's it.
Copy !req
554. What happened?
Well, let's just say
Copy !req
555. the score's Hal two,
mall rats zero.
Copy !req
556. Let me walk you to your car.
Copy !req
557. Well, thanks for lunch, Hal.
Copy !req
558. My pleasure, Rosie.
Copy !req
559. My mother calls me Rosie.
Copy !req
560. - Really?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
561. Gentlemen, can I interest you in
some chili fries and half a burger?
Copy !req
562. There's a lot left 'cause the little
guy couldn't finish his meal.
Copy !req
563. - Hey. Hey.
- Pussy.
Copy !req
564. That was nice of you.
Copy !req
565. Well, you're all right
in my book, too, Hal.
Copy !req
566. Can I have your number?
Copy !req
567. What number?
Copy !req
568. Your PIN number,
I want your money!
Copy !req
569. Your phone number.
What do you think?
Copy !req
570. Why?
Copy !req
571. You know, to go out.
Maybe like tomorrow.
Copy !req
572. Well, yeah
Copy !req
573. I mean, sure. It's in the
book under Rosemary Shanahan.
Copy !req
574. I can write it down.
It's S-H-A...
Copy !req
575. No, I'll remember it.
Copy !req
576. My boss's name
is Steve Shanahan.
Copy !req
577. That's my father's name.
Copy !req
578. Not JPS Steve Shanahan?
Copy !req
579. Yeah!
Copy !req
580. Yeah.
Copy !req
581. Your father is my boss.
Copy !req
582. I mean, not my boss.
He's my boss's boss.
Copy !req
583. I mean, I don't know him, but
I see him around the office.
Copy !req
584. Well, then you won't
forget my name.
Copy !req
585. - Hal?
- Yeah?
Copy !req
586. If I don't hear from you,
Copy !req
587. I appreciate everything,
anyway.
Copy !req
588. Cuckoo.
Copy !req
589. You sure you don't
want a dog?
Copy !req
590. Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to lose a couple of lbs.
Copy !req
591. Since when do you
care about your gut?
Copy !req
592. I don't really, but
I'm a little nervous.
Copy !req
593. This girl who's coming to meet
me here is in incredible.
Copy !req
594. Like the ones on the dance
floor the other night?
Copy !req
595. Even better, buddy.
I'm telling you, it's almost beyond belief.
Copy !req
596. She's funny, she's smart, she
teaches self-esteem to sick kids.
Copy !req
597. And I would never believe a
girl as beautiful could have
Copy !req
598. such a great personality.
Copy !req
599. Ugly duckling syndrome.
She probably wasn't pretty till high school.
Copy !req
600. The personality had to
develop out of necessity.
Copy !req
601. You know what?
I bet you're right.
Copy !req
602. She's way too pretty
to be so nice.
Copy !req
603. Sometimes they're
ugly so long,
Copy !req
604. they turn pretty
and don't realize it.
Copy !req
605. The ugly self-image is so well ingrained.
That's a real find.
Copy !req
606. - Hey!
- Hey!
Copy !req
607. I've been looking for you.
Copy !req
608. Oh, shit. Oh, it's Lindy.
The girl with the toe.
Copy !req
609. Hey, Mauricio.
How ya doing?
Copy !req
610. Good. Did you
get my message?
Copy !req
611. No, no. My phone machine's not
really working there. Did you call?
Copy !req
612. I got tickets for
that Beatles reunion.
Copy !req
613. The Beatles?
Copy !req
614. Yeah. Well, not
the real Beatles,
Copy !req
615. but Paul, George and
Ringo will be there.
Copy !req
616. But Eric Clapton is
filling in for John.
Copy !req
617. It's an invitation-only
acoustic set.
Copy !req
618. Only about 70 people, tops.
Copy !req
619. Oh, man.
Copy !req
620. So you're in?
Copy !req
621. No. Not a Clapton fan.
Copy !req
622. Think I'll pass.
Copy !req
623. Okay.
Copy !req
624. Well, I guess I'll see ya.
Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
625. Bye, Lindy.
Copy !req
626. Oh, did you
see the toe?
Copy !req
627. Mauricio, I gotta tell
you, you got issues.
Copy !req
628. Don't even get me started.
Copy !req
629. Oh, God. There she is.
There's Rosemary.
Copy !req
630. Where?
Copy !req
631. Right there.
Copy !req
632. Right where?
Copy !req
633. Straight ahead.
Across the field.
Copy !req
634. Is she behind the rhino?
Copy !req
635. She's right there!
Copy !req
636. Mauricio, I want you
to meet someone.
Copy !req
637. This is Rosemary Shanahan.
Rosemary, Mauricio Wilson.
Copy !req
638. Hi. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
639. Holy cow. I mean, hi.
Copy !req
640. Is that a Members Only
jacket?
Copy !req
641. Yes. Yes, it is.
Copy !req
642. So, are you, like,
the last member?
Copy !req
643. Oh, man. One-nothing, Rosemary.
I told you she was good.
Copy !req
644. Excuse me forjust one second.
Hello? Oh, hi, Mom.
Copy !req
645. Yeah, hold on.
Will you guys excuse me?
Copy !req
646. Want something
from the snack bar?
Copy !req
647. Yeah, get me a beer and nachos
with all the stuff on it.
Copy !req
648. You got it.
Copy !req
649. Does she take
the cake or what?
Copy !req
650. She takes
the whole bakery, Hal.
Copy !req
651. I told you.
Copy !req
652. Yes, you did. And yet
I wasn't prepared.
Copy !req
653. So, what are you up for?
Copy !req
654. I don't know.
I like the track.
Copy !req
655. So she's a gambler.
Copy !req
656. Yeah, well, just the dogs.
Copy !req
657. I hate the ponies. There's too
much human involvement, you know?
Copy !req
658. You can't trust people if
you're looking for a fair deal.
Copy !req
659. What about you?
Do you gamble?
Copy !req
660. No, not really.
Copy !req
661. I mean, I bet on pro
football now and then,
Copy !req
662. but to make it more exciting.
I don't care if I win.
Copy !req
663. I've never read that book.
Copy !req
664. What book?
Copy !req
665. Things Losers Say.
Copy !req
666. Hey, I got a good idea.
Why don't we forget the track,
Copy !req
667. and I'll introduce you to
some good friends of mine?
Copy !req
668. - Yeah?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
669. - All right.
- What do you say?
Copy !req
670. I say okay.
Copy !req
671. You say okay?
Copy !req
672. Hi, guys. I want you to meet a
very good friend of mine. Okay?
Copy !req
673. This guy here is Hal.
And he's really funny.
Copy !req
674. - How ya doing?
- Good.
Copy !req
675. Good to meet ya.
Copy !req
676. Hey.
Copy !req
677. Oh, my God.
Look at that face.
Copy !req
678. She should be doing
Keebler commercials.
Copy !req
679. You're the cutest thing
I've ever seen.
Copy !req
680. What's your name,
beautiful?
Copy !req
681. Cadence.
Copy !req
682. Cadence.
That's a pretty name.
Copy !req
683. You know, my uncle's
name is Cadence.
Copy !req
684. Well, I got news
for you, Cadence.
Copy !req
685. I'm not putting you down
until the cows come home.
Copy !req
686. Put her down.
Copy !req
687. The cow came home.
Copy !req
688. What is he doing here?
Copy !req
689. These aren't visiting hours.
Copy !req
690. Oh, Nurse Peeler, we were just
coming by to say hi to the kids.
Copy !req
691. Oh, fine.
Pack it up.
Copy !req
692. And get these patients
back in their beds.
Copy !req
693. Should we get going?
Copy !req
694. Don't pay any attention
to Nurse Sourpuss.
Copy !req
695. Sourpuss.
Copy !req
696. Heyllgotanidea.
Do you want to play the kissing game?
Copy !req
697. Me! Idol
Copy !req
698. Yeah?
Want me to go get a bottle?
Copy !req
699. No, no. Want to
get the lipstick?
Copy !req
700. Get lipstick.
Copy !req
701. Yeah, okay.
Copy !req
702. What we do is
we put on the lipstick.
Copy !req
703. The kisser kisses as much as they
can until the lipstick comes off.
Copy !req
704. Oh, cool.
I want to go first.
Copy !req
705. Then I'm going last.
Copy !req
706. Jesse.
Copy !req
707. Hey,
they don't have
Copy !req
708. anything I can catch,
do they?
Copy !req
709. They don't have
anything you can catch.
Copy !req
710. I didn't think so.
You guys don't even look sick.
Copy !req
711. You're just a bunch of phonies
like my Uncle Cadence.
Copy !req
712. I'll bet you're here so you
can get out of school. Right?
Copy !req
713. - Is that right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
714. Give me some lipstick.
Copy !req
715. Put on lipstick.
Copy !req
716. You were incredible in there.
You were. You were so amazing.
Copy !req
717. I'm serious. A lot of people get squeamish
in that situation, and you were so...
Copy !req
718. Rosemary? Is that you?
Copy !req
719. Dr. Sayed!
How's it going?
Copy !req
720. Good. Who is this?
Copy !req
721. This is my friend Hal.
Copy !req
722. Hal.
Good to meet you.
Copy !req
723. Be nice to her.
She's a good girl. All right.
Copy !req
724. - Bye, Rosemary.
- Bye.
Copy !req
725. I'm serious. That's what
these kids need,
Copy !req
726. is, like, a stranger who isn't afraid to
just be with them and play with them.
Copy !req
727. It builds their
self-confidence.
Copy !req
728. Why would anybody
be afraid of 'em?
Copy !req
729. You are off-the-charts adorable.
Do you know that?
Copy !req
730. Come on.
Copy !req
731. This is a nice
street you live on.
Copy !req
732. Yeah, this is my street.
You want to come up?
Copy !req
733. Yeah. But I don't
think I should.
Copy !req
734. Why not?
It's only 9:00.
Copy !req
735. I know. I don't
think it's a good idea.
Copy !req
736. Oh, no. Did I do something? No.
Copy !req
737. You've been really cool.
Copy !req
738. Hi, Hal.
Copy !req
739. Oh, hey, Jill.
Rosemary, this is my neighbor Jill.
Copy !req
740. - Hi.
- Hi.
Copy !req
741. Nice...
Copy !req
742. Sorry.
Copy !req
743. Nice to meet you.
Copy !req
744. Nice to meet you,
too, Jill.
Copy !req
745. I gotta go meet some friends,
so I'll see you guys later.
Copy !req
746. - Bye.
- Bye.
Copy !req
747. Come up.
Copy !req
748. No.
Copy !req
749. What? I thought... I thought
we were having a good time.
Copy !req
750. We were. It's just, you know,
Hal, I'm not used to all this.
Copy !req
751. Used to what?
Copy !req
752. Hal, you've been
really nice to me today.
Copy !req
753. I really appreciate it.
But...
Copy !req
754. What, your other boyfriends
aren't nice to you?
Copy !req
755. I don't have
other boyfriends.
Copy !req
756. Bullshit.
Copy !req
757. Well, I had one boyfriend.
Copy !req
758. It was kind of recently, actually,
but it didn't work out.
Copy !req
759. You've been
burnt?
Copy !req
760. No. That's just it.
Copy !req
761. I... I've never been close
enough to anybody to get burnt.
Copy !req
762. Please! With a mug
like that?
Copy !req
763. You must be fighting
'em off daily.
Copy !req
764. Right! I mean, I saw the way your
friend Mauricio looked at me.
Copy !req
765. I thought he was gonna shoot
me with a tranquilizer gun
Copy !req
766. and tag my ear.
Copy !req
767. Don't worry.
He's been acting really weird lately.
Copy !req
768. Especially around
really pretty girls.
Copy !req
769. Hal,
Copy !req
770. do me a favor and stop saying that I'm
pretty, and that I'm not fat, okay?
Copy !req
771. 'Cause it makes me
uncomfortable.
Copy !req
772. Okay. You have a problem
with compliments?
Copy !req
773. Look. I know what I am
and I know what I'm not.
Copy !req
774. I'm the girl who gets really good
grades and isn't afraid to be funny.
Copy !req
775. And I'm the girl who has a lot of friends
who are boys, and no boyfriends.
Copy !req
776. I'm not beautiful, okay?
And I never will be.
Copy !req
777. And I'm fine with that.
You know?
Copy !req
778. But when you go around saying
that I'm something that I'm not,
Copy !req
779. it's just,
it's not nice.
Copy !req
780. Rosemary.
You're starting to scare me.
Copy !req
781. I mean,
I really like you,
Copy !req
782. but I have to assume you're a little nutty
if you really believe you're not beautiful.
Copy !req
783. Grow up, Hal.
Copy !req
784. Rosie. Wait a second.
Copy !req
785. Well, it was too
good to be true.
Copy !req
786. Rosemary. Turned out
to be a total psycho.
Copy !req
787. Her self-image is
so far off, it's scary.
Copy !req
788. Well, maybe you had a little
something to do with that.
Copy !req
789. What? What are you
talking about?
Copy !req
790. All I ever did was tell her
how perfect she was.
Copy !req
791. - Really?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
792. Then she got all huffy
and told me to grow up.
Copy !req
793. Well, that's probably good advice.
You are kind of immature.
Copy !req
794. You're not serious. You actually
think you're more mature than me?
Copy !req
795. Yeah, right. I'm probably
more immature than you,
Copy !req
796. but at least I have
a bigger willie.
Copy !req
797. Yeah, bigger
than a mouse's.
Copy !req
798. What the hell was that?
Copy !req
799. I said your willie's
bigger than...
Copy !req
800. I heard,
Copy !req
801. but it took you,
like, eight seconds.
Copy !req
802. You can't make a comeback
after eight seconds.
Copy !req
803. You got three seconds.
Five, tops.
Copy !req
804. That's why they call it
a quip. Not a slowp.
Copy !req
805. All right, you got anything better to read?
I gotta fire off a missile.
Copy !req
806. Hi. Is this
a bad time, or...
Copy !req
807. No.
Copy !req
808. I just wanted to apologize
for last night.
Copy !req
809. You don't have
to apologize.
Copy !req
810. Yeah, I do.
Copy !req
811. I called you, like, immature or
sophomoric or something like that.
Copy !req
812. - I know you're not...
- My God. Hal!
Copy !req
813. You gotta get in here
and look at this turd.
Copy !req
814. It looks just like
Klinger from M*A*S*H.
Copy !req
815. Why don't we get out of here?
Okay.
Copy !req
816. Coffee?
Copy !req
817. Excuse me. Are you
ready to order?
Copy !req
818. Yes. Two double cheeseburgers,
bacon, one with relish.
Copy !req
819. Thank you.
Copy !req
820. Are you okay?
Copy !req
821. Brain freeze.
Copy !req
822. Baby, now that I've found
you I can't let you go
Copy !req
823. I'll build my world around
you, I need you so
Copy !req
824. Excuse me, sweetie.
Professional.
Copy !req
825. Baby, baby,
since first we met...
Copy !req
826. Hey, Billy, stay over
near the ladder.
Copy !req
827. Weak. So weak.
Copy !req
828. You wanna see a splash?
I'm gonna show you a splash. Ready?
Copy !req
829. You spend a lifetime
looking for somebody
Copy !req
830. To give me love like you
Copy !req
831. Now you've told me
that you wanna leave me
Copy !req
832. Darling, I just
can't let you
Copy !req
833. Baby, now that I've found
you I can't let you go...
Copy !req
834. That was good?
Copy !req
835. Billy?
Copy !req
836. Billy? Billy? Billy!
Copy !req
837. Daddy.
Copy !req
838. Sorry.
Copy !req
839. Now that I've found you
I can't let you go
Copy !req
840. I'll build my world around
you, I need you so
Copy !req
841. Baby, even though
you don't need me
Copy !req
842. You don't need me
Copy !req
843. What's the matter?
Copy !req
844. I should have
changed at the beach.
Copy !req
845. What? Are you crazy?
You look great.
Copy !req
846. I don't normally dress like
this around my parents.
Copy !req
847. Hey, hey, come on.
Copy !req
848. I'm the one who should be
nervous here, not you.
Copy !req
849. Hey, you know, I've been meaning
to ask you, were you adopted?
Copy !req
850. No. Why?
Copy !req
851. 'Cause your dad
has that weird accent.
Copy !req
852. And also, I've seen him
around the office.
Copy !req
853. I gotta say, I don't see
the slightest resemblance.
Copy !req
854. - Really?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
855. Everybody says if you put a wig
on him, he'd look just like me.
Copy !req
856. Would you
look at who's here now?
Copy !req
857. Come here, my darlin'.
Copy !req
858. Hi, Daddy.
Copy !req
859. Rosie, honey.
Copy !req
860. Mom.
Copy !req
861. Good to see ya.
Copy !req
862. Hal Larson, the guy
I was telling you about.
Copy !req
863. It's great to
meet you, sir.
Copy !req
864. Likewise.
Copy !req
865. Nice to meet you, Hal.
Copy !req
866. The pleasure is mine,
Mrs. Shanahan.
Copy !req
867. I can see where
Rosemary gets her figure.
Copy !req
868. What the hell...
What the hell is that you've got on?
Copy !req
869. We were at the beach.
Copy !req
870. Won't you be putting
something else on, darlin'?
Copy !req
871. Oh, come on. She doesn't have to do that for me.
Let's just keep it casual.
Copy !req
872. Casual.
Copy !req
873. Hey, Dad, Hal's one of your great
untapped resources down at the company.
Copy !req
874. Why don't you tell him
some of your ideas?
Copy !req
875. Oh, so you've got
a few ideas, do ya?
Copy !req
876. It is risky, but
the rewards are greater, too.
Copy !req
877. The point is, only a company
with a solid reputation like JPS
Copy !req
878. could ever market
this product.
Copy !req
879. Hal, let me take your plate.
Copy !req
880. Oh, thank you.
It was delicious.
Copy !req
881. Can I get you boys
some coffee?
Copy !req
882. I'd love a cup
of tea, darlin'.
Copy !req
883. Maybe just a drop
of the hard stuff.
Copy !req
884. Yeah, I'll just have a cup ofjoe.
That'd be great. Thanks.
Copy !req
885. I have to say, Hal, I'm impressed
with a lot of your ideas.
Copy !req
886. Some of them are
dog shit, you know,
Copy !req
887. but for the most part, you seem
to have done your homework.
Copy !req
888. So I'd like you to do
something for me. Okay.
Copy !req
889. Well, I'm meeting with me executive
committee Monday morning,
Copy !req
890. and I'd like you to
make a presentation.
Copy !req
891. Seriously?
Copy !req
892. Well, nothing fancy,
you understand.
Copy !req
893. Just talk about the same things
that you talked about here tonight.
Copy !req
894. Great. I'd love to.
Copy !req
895. Oh, and by the way,
Copy !req
896. you can cut out
the act now.
Copy !req
897. Excuse me?
Copy !req
898. You think I got as far as I did
in me life by bein' a fool?
Copy !req
899. Now, you've got ambition,
Hal, and I admire that.
Copy !req
900. Hell, I wish I had a hundred
more like yourself.
Copy !req
901. We'd be the number-one firm
in the country.
Copy !req
902. And me daughter would get
a hell of a lot more dates.
Copy !req
903. I'm sure Rosemary doesn't have
any problem getting dates.
Copy !req
904. I told you to cut
the shit out, all right?
Copy !req
905. Look, Rosemary
is me daughter,
Copy !req
906. and God knows
I love her dearly.
Copy !req
907. But I think we both know that we won't
soon be seeing her twirlin' the baton,
Copy !req
908. marching along with the
Dallas Cheerleaders.
Copy !req
909. I don't understand.
Copy !req
910. I'm telling you
the truth, Hal.
Copy !req
911. And the truth is I haven't been able
to bounce me daughter on me knee
Copy !req
912. since she was two.
Copy !req
913. You know, I've read
about people like you.
Copy !req
914. People like me?
Copy !req
915. You superachievers with
your impossible standards.
Copy !req
916. Nothing's ever good enough.
Nothing measures up.
Copy !req
917. It never occurs to you that your kids
are people, with their own feelings.
Copy !req
918. You think they're just
an extension of you,
Copy !req
919. like your billion-dollar
company,
Copy !req
920. or your $20 million Lear Jet and
your Picasso out in the front hall.
Copy !req
921. Everything reflects on you, so nothing
and no one is ever good enough.
Copy !req
922. Go on.
Copy !req
923. When I first met Rosemary,
Copy !req
924. she told me she knew
she wasn't that good-looking.
Copy !req
925. I could not
believe my ears.
Copy !req
926. How can a person
this beautiful
Copy !req
927. possibly interpret what she sees in the
mirror to be anything other than that?
Copy !req
928. Well, now I know.
Copy !req
929. Is everything okay?
Copy !req
930. Yeah,
everything is fine.
Copy !req
931. Just fine.
Copy !req
932. What?
Copy !req
933. Nothing. I just can't
believe how lucky I am.
Copy !req
934. You swear to God
you're not gonna laugh?
Copy !req
935. Come on,
I'm not gonna laugh.
Copy !req
936. Daddy like.
Copy !req
937. The look on your face
Copy !req
938. It can never
explain your heart
Copy !req
939. And the touch of my lips
Copy !req
940. It can never
tell you my thoughts
Copy !req
941. Then you want me to change
Copy !req
942. I can't get used to...
Copy !req
943. What in...
How did...
Copy !req
944. Get over here, Houdini.
Copy !req
945. 'Cause it's not really me
This is my world
Copy !req
946. This is who I am
And I'm not gonna give up...
Copy !req
947. Hi.
Copy !req
948. Yes, I am.
Copy !req
949. Everything's so perfect.
Copy !req
950. It's a little scary.
Copy !req
951. I know.
Copy !req
952. But in a good way.
Copy !req
953. To have so much to lose.
That's nice.
Copy !req
954. I'm gonna call you later.
Copy !req
955. Okay.
Copy !req
956. Bye.
Copy !req
957. Forget something?
Copy !req
958. Oh, hey.
Hi. I'm glad I caught you
Copy !req
959. before you went to work.
What's up?
Copy !req
960. I was wondering if maybe you
wanted to come over tonight.
Copy !req
961. Open a bottle of wine,
maybe watch a video.
Copy !req
962. Nah. Thanks, though.
Copy !req
963. And in summation,
I feel that these measures
Copy !req
964. will help JPS and
all of our customers.
Copy !req
965. - Nice job, Hal.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
966. - Nicely done.
- I appreciate it.
Copy !req
967. Hal, I stand corrected.
Copy !req
968. Thank you.
Copy !req
969. Hal, I need to see you
in me office straight away.
Copy !req
970. Sure.
Copy !req
971. Sit yourself down.
Copy !req
972. So, what'd you think?
Copy !req
973. I'll be gettin' to
that in a minute.
Copy !req
974. I want to talk to you about that little
conversation we had the other night
Copy !req
975. and all of them things
you said to me.
Copy !req
976. Well, I'm more than just a little
embarrassed, having said what I said.
Copy !req
977. I think me daughter
is lucky to have you.
Copy !req
978. No, sir.
I'm the lucky one.
Copy !req
979. Indeed.
Copy !req
980. Well, now, as to
your meeting in there.
Copy !req
981. Sure, it was first-rate.
Copy !req
982. - Yeah?
- Oh, yes.
Copy !req
983. Hal, I'm gonna
level with ya.
Copy !req
984. I need your balls.
Copy !req
985. Sir?
Copy !req
986. I need a man around that can give
it to me straight, you know?
Copy !req
987. Whether the news
be good or bad.
Copy !req
988. So I've decided.
Copy !req
989. From now on, you'll be
working directly for me.
Copy !req
990. I don't know
what to say but...
Copy !req
991. Thank you.
Copy !req
992. Well, a thank you
will do just fine.
Copy !req
993. Well, get the fuck out.
Copy !req
994. Oh, okay.
Copy !req
995. Congratulations
on your promotion!
Copy !req
996. Oh, sorry.
Copy !req
997. No, no. Come in, come in.
I want you to meet Rosemary.
Copy !req
998. Rosemary, this is Jen and Artie.
Hi.
Copy !req
999. Kids, Rosemary Shanahan.
Copy !req
1000. As in Steve?
Copy !req
1001. Yeah, he's my dad. Oh, God, which
reminds me, I gotta meet him for lunch.
Copy !req
1002. I'll see you this
weekend, okay?
Copy !req
1003. It was really nice
to meet you guys.
Copy !req
1004. Mind if I take
a little sliver?
Copy !req
1005. Go for it.
Copy !req
1006. Beauty.
Copy !req
1007. Want a plate?
Copy !req
1008. I know what you're thinking.
Where does she put it, right?
Copy !req
1009. You guys, thanks for the cake.
You didn't have to do this.
Copy !req
1010. Hey, it was the least
we could do,
Copy !req
1011. seeing as how you worked
so hard to become
Copy !req
1012. "indispensable"
to the company.
Copy !req
1013. Is that that new thing
called sarcasm?
Copy !req
1014. Hal, we all know you're
about as deep as a puddle.
Copy !req
1015. In fact, that used to be
part of your charm.
Copy !req
1016. But this just
flat out sucks.
Copy !req
1017. What are you
talking about?
Copy !req
1018. If you have one ounce of integrity
left, you'll break it off immediately,
Copy !req
1019. before you hurt
the poor girl.
Copy !req
1020. I gotta give you credit for being more
proactive and starting to meet women
Copy !req
1021. and who knows? Maybe you are
on a roll here or something.
Copy !req
1022. But don't you think it's time
to raise the bar a little?
Copy !req
1023. I mean, at first I thought you
were in a slump, you know?
Copy !req
1024. I could, as a friend,
look the other way
Copy !req
1025. while you banged a few fatties
and got it out of your system.
Copy !req
1026. But there's lots of
good-eatin' fish out there.
Copy !req
1027. You don't have to snack
on carp any more.
Copy !req
1028. I suppose the girls we partied
with a couple weeks ago downtown
Copy !req
1029. were a couple of carp, too?
Copy !req
1030. No. Laura, the one
with the whiskers,
Copy !req
1031. she looked more
like a catfish.
Copy !req
1032. Oh, I see.
And what about Marie?
Copy !req
1033. Pop some bolts on her neck,
Copy !req
1034. and the villagers
will be chasing her.
Copy !req
1035. - And Vicki?
- Who?
Copy !req
1036. - Vicki!
- Who's Vicki?
Copy !req
1037. Vicki Vicki.
With the short brown hair.
Copy !req
1038. Vicki? I thought that was a guy.
I was calling her Vic!
Copy !req
1039. Oh, you're out
of your mind!
Copy !req
1040. Look, I know I'm being
a little harsh on you here.
Copy !req
1041. I think real friends are obligated
to be honest with each other.
Copy !req
1042. This one that you're dating now...
Jeez.
Copy !req
1043. Careful.
Copy !req
1044. Hey, all I'm saying is she's
got cankles, for God's sake.
Copy !req
1045. What?
Copy !req
1046. Canklesl
She's got no ankles.
Copy !req
1047. The calf merged with the foot,
cut out the middleman.
Copy !req
1048. She has coffee cans.
Copy !req
1049. I know what cankles are.
Copy !req
1050. Rosemary doesn't have 'em.
Copy !req
1051. You know what?
I know what you're doing here.
Copy !req
1052. You're scared.
Copy !req
1053. Scared?
Copy !req
1054. Yup. This is exactly what you did with
the knockout with the weird frinkly toe.
Copy !req
1055. You're inventing reasons to dump
girls 'cause you're afraid.
Copy !req
1056. All right, look. I admit Rosemary
is kind of cool, all right?
Copy !req
1057. But admit you wouldn't
talk to that woolly mammoth
Copy !req
1058. if her father wasn't
company president.
Copy !req
1059. What?
Copy !req
1060. I guarantee you've never met anyone
like this guy who's coming with us.
Copy !req
1061. You're gonna love him.
Copy !req
1062. Great.
Copy !req
1063. What's his girlfriend like?
Copy !req
1064. I haven't met her.
Copy !req
1065. They just started going out.
Oh, there he is.
Copy !req
1066. Walt!
Copy !req
1067. At your cervix!
Copy !req
1068. Hey, you recognize
these panties?
Copy !req
1069. Rosemary, don't
steal my lines.
Copy !req
1070. You two know each other?
Copy !req
1071. Yeah!
Copy !req
1072. Gosh, Walt's been volunteering
down at the hospital for years.
Copy !req
1073. Oh.
Copy !req
1074. So where's this
mystery girl?
Copy !req
1075. She should be
here any minute.
Copy !req
1076. Hey, I want you
to be honest.
Copy !req
1077. Is this outfit too
"Hey, look at me"?
Copy !req
1078. No, no.
It's very subtle.
Copy !req
1079. Sorry I'm late.
Copy !req
1080. Tanya.
Copy !req
1081. Oh. What a surprise.
Copy !req
1082. I've spent all
summer days drivin'
Copy !req
1083. I'm tired of
holidays ruined
Copy !req
1084. No more takeaways,
expired food
Copy !req
1085. I gotta get a map.
Copy !req
1086. I'm going with you.
Copy !req
1087. What are those for?
Copy !req
1088. Ever walk through a truck-stop
men's room on your hands?
Copy !req
1089. Want anything?
Copy !req
1090. Potato chips.
And dip.
Copy !req
1091. Cut it out.
Copy !req
1092. So, Tanya, I had no idea that you and
Walt were, you know, seeing each other.
Copy !req
1093. Yeah. You got a light?
Copy !req
1094. It's actually
a very funny story.
Copy !req
1095. Because he had been asking me
out for a really long time,
Copy !req
1096. and I was always
kind of unavailable.
Copy !req
1097. And then just when
he had given up,
Copy !req
1098. I broke up with my boyfriend,
and there he was.
Copy !req
1099. So I asked him out.
Copy !req
1100. So he kind of grew
on you?
Copy !req
1101. Exactly. I mean,
you gotta admit,
Copy !req
1102. when you first meet him,
it is kind of jarring.
Copy !req
1103. I mean, you kind of don't
even know what goes where.
Copy !req
1104. But anyway, the timing couldn't
have been more perfect,
Copy !req
1105. because he had just
sold his company,
Copy !req
1106. and he has all this
time on his hands,
Copy !req
1107. and we can plan things,
Copy !req
1108. and travel, and go
shopping and...
Copy !req
1109. Well, I guess
timing's everything.
Copy !req
1110. Hope you like bean dip.
Copy !req
1111. I'd already picked up
all the faces
Copy !req
1112. And I, I wanna
show you all the places
Copy !req
1113. And I, I wanna
take a little ride
Copy !req
1114. Wanna take a little ride
Copy !req
1115. In the countryside
with you
Copy !req
1116. Yeah! That was
my girl.
Copy !req
1117. Oh, my God. I'm
the biggest nerd.
Copy !req
1118. Rosemary!
Copy !req
1119. Ralph!
Copy !req
1120. Hi.
Copy !req
1121. You remember Li'iBoy?
Copy !req
1122. Li'iBoy. Yeah.
Copy !req
1123. How are you?
Copy !req
1124. Mahalo, Rosemary.
Copy !req
1125. - How you doing?
- Great.
Copy !req
1126. Do they still got
you out in Sierra Leone?
Copy !req
1127. No, no. Now they got
me near my home.
Copy !req
1128. I'm on this island in the
South Pacific called Carabas.
Copy !req
1129. I'm Hal.
Copy !req
1130. Oh, I'm sorry. Hal.
Copy !req
1131. These are my
Peace Corps buddies.
Copy !req
1132. This is Ralph Owens and Li'iBoy.
This is Hal Larson.
Copy !req
1133. - What's up?
- Li'iBoy.
Copy !req
1134. So, what are you guys
doing up here?
Copy !req
1135. Li'iBoy's been stuck in the office
training for the last 30 days,
Copy !req
1136. so I dragged him up here
and threw him on the slopes.
Copy !req
1137. It wasn't pretty.
Copy !req
1138. I knew this Hawaiian guy
in high school
Copy !req
1139. who went out for the hockey team.
It was funny as shit.
Copy !req
1140. Anyway, it's great
to see you again.
Copy !req
1141. You look happy.
Copy !req
1142. Thanks. I am.
Copy !req
1143. Well, we got a long
drive back, so...
Copy !req
1144. Bye.
Copy !req
1145. - Bye.
- Good to meet ya.
Copy !req
1146. You Okay?
Copy !req
1147. It's just that do you remember how I
told you that once I had a boyfriend?
Copy !req
1148. That was him.
Copy !req
1149. You're welcome.
Sure. What's your name?
Copy !req
1150. Excuse me, Mr. Robbins.
Can I have a word with you, sir?
Copy !req
1151. Sure, but I gotta
catch a plane.
Copy !req
1152. It's only gonna
take a minute.
Copy !req
1153. A few weeks ago, you got trapped
in an elevator with my friend.
Copy !req
1154. Oh, yeah! Hal.
He was a great guy. Yes.
Copy !req
1155. He was having relationship
troubles. How is he?
Copy !req
1156. That's a matter
of debate.
Copy !req
1157. Really?
Copy !req
1158. Anyway, apparently, you
gave him like a pep talk,
Copy !req
1159. and now he's under the impression
that he can get any woman he wants.
Copy !req
1160. And you don't think he can?
Copy !req
1161. I don't know. Whatever.
Copy !req
1162. But see, the point is, lately the
only women he wants are ugly.
Copy !req
1163. Who says they're ugly?
Copy !req
1164. Bausch & Lomb.
Copy !req
1165. And very fat,
some of them.
Copy !req
1166. It's like Hal has
lowered his whole...
Copy !req
1167. Jesus, you've got
a big noggin.
Copy !req
1168. Thanks for noticing.
Copy !req
1169. My new book has
a chapter on blurting.
Copy !req
1170. You might want
to pick it up.
Copy !req
1171. Yeah, I'll check into that.
Copy !req
1172. Anyway, I mean, did
something go wrong here?
Copy !req
1173. Is he having
a nervous breakdown?
Copy !req
1174. No. Haven't you
heard the phrase,
Copy !req
1175. "Beauty is in the eye
of the beholder"?
Copy !req
1176. Yeah. Did you ever hear the song
Who Let the Dogs Out?
Copy !req
1177. It can't be that bad.
Copy !req
1178. Look, exactly what did
you do to him, man?
Copy !req
1179. I altered his perception
a little bit.
Copy !req
1180. I knew it. I knew it!
I knew it!
Copy !req
1181. You messed with his
eyesight, right? No.
Copy !req
1182. No. You hypnotized him.
Copy !req
1183. No. I dehypnotized him.
He's been hypnotized his whole life.
Copy !req
1184. He's totally focused
on the outside.
Copy !req
1185. I helped him
see inner beauty,
Copy !req
1186. including people you think
are not physically attractive.
Copy !req
1187. How can he see their inner beauty
when he doesn't even know them?
Copy !req
1188. Inner beauty's easy to see
when you're looking for it.
Copy !req
1189. But how can he not
feel them when he's...
Copy !req
1190. The brain sees what the
heart wants it to feel.
Copy !req
1191. All right, look. Let's just cut
through the old crapcake here?
Copy !req
1192. Okay.
Copy !req
1193. Sir, don't you think it's
wrong to brainwash someone?
Copy !req
1194. Don't you think
you're brainwashed?
Copy !req
1195. All you know about beauty
is programmed.
Copy !req
1196. TV, magazines, movies, they all tell
you what's beautiful, what isn't.
Copy !req
1197. How's this any different?
Copy !req
1198. Look, I didn't come here to debate you!
I just want my friend back!
Copy !req
1199. Now, isn't there some kind of
word or phrase or something
Copy !req
1200. to take the whammy off him?
Copy !req
1201. Of course.
But if we do that,
Copy !req
1202. he'll go back to judging
everybody by the outside.
Copy !req
1203. Is this what
he really wants?
Copy !req
1204. I don't care!
Copy !req
1205. It's what I want!
I want my friend back!
Copy !req
1206. I gotta go. I gotta catch my plane.
I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
1207. Look, a man's reputation, dignity and
furniture are being trashed here!
Copy !req
1208. Perhaps irreparably!
For God's sakes, his job is in jeopardy!
Copy !req
1209. His job? Really?
Copy !req
1210. Yes. And it's a great job.
Copy !req
1211. I just wanted to give him a gift.
I didn't want him to get hurt.
Copy !req
1212. You seem to know him
better than I do, so...
Copy !req
1213. It's a shame to let it go.
Copy !req
1214. Oh, it's a tragedy.
Copy !req
1215. So, what'd you wanna
talk to me about?
Copy !req
1216. Ralph called me.
Copy !req
1217. Your old boyfriend Ralph?
Copy !req
1218. Well, he was also my division
leader in Sierra Leone.
Copy !req
1219. Anyway, he's shipping out
to Carabas in 10 days,
Copy !req
1220. and he wants me
to go with his group.
Copy !req
1221. What? You and Ralph?
Carabas?
Copy !req
1222. They're in
an economic meltdown.
Copy !req
1223. 100,000 people need medical supplies
and food, and they want me to help.
Copy !req
1224. How can you be so selfish?
Copy !req
1225. Sorry?
Copy !req
1226. I mean, you know
what I'm saying.
Copy !req
1227. You bump into pretty boy Ralph on
Friday, the sparks are flying,
Copy !req
1228. and now you're gonna go
and save the world in Carabas?
Copy !req
1229. This has nothing to do
with me and Ralph.
Copy !req
1230. Yeah, right.
Copy !req
1231. He's obviously
crazy about you.
Copy !req
1232. He's got
the heart of a saint.
Copy !req
1233. I could practically see the halo around his head.
I can't compete with that.
Copy !req
1234. Okay, first of all, you're probably
the only person in the free world
Copy !req
1235. to ever refer to Ralph
as a "pretty boy."
Copy !req
1236. Secondly, that halo around his
head, it's called psoriasis.
Copy !req
1237. You can't stand near him
without getting flaked on.
Copy !req
1238. And thirdly, and fourthly, yes, he's
a great guy and he cares about me,
Copy !req
1239. but he had no
sense of humor.
Copy !req
1240. And I'm in love with
an even greater guy.
Copy !req
1241. Well, then how come I don't
have any say in this thing?
Copy !req
1242. You do. That's why...
Copy !req
1243. Oh, no! God,
are you okay?
Copy !req
1244. I think so.
Copy !req
1245. Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
Copy !req
1246. You should be sorry!
It's an outrage!
Copy !req
1247. I'll go get help.
Copy !req
1248. Okay. Are you okay,
sweetie?
Copy !req
1249. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Copy !req
1250. - I'm so embarrassed.
- Don't be.
Copy !req
1251. It's this flimsy-ass
four-star restaurant.
Copy !req
1252. Just sit right there.
I'm gonna go talk to the manager, okay?
Copy !req
1253. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
1254. Good night.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1255. Look, I'm not blaming you,
but I need an extra chair.
Copy !req
1256. My girlfriend's jinxed
when it comes to furniture.
Copy !req
1257. Yeah. I know.
I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
1258. The waiter told me
what happened.
Copy !req
1259. One sec. Mclntosh's.
Copy !req
1260. Yes.
Copy !req
1261. Hello?
Copy !req
1262. Shallow Hal wants a gal.
Copy !req
1263. What?
Copy !req
1264. Shallow Hal wants a gal.
Copy !req
1265. What the hell
are you talking about?
Copy !req
1266. Ijustsaved
yourlfie, baby.
Copy !req
1267. What?
Copy !req
1268. I've been looking
for you all day.
Copy !req
1269. I'm at Mclntosh's with Rosemary.
Look, I got kind of a...
Copy !req
1270. Are you looking
right at her?
Copy !req
1271. No, I'm talking to
the hostess. But...
Copy !req
1272. Don't... Hal!
Copy !req
1273. Look,I got a situation here.
I'll call you later.
Copy !req
1274. Look away!
Copy !req
1275. I was just talking
to the hostess.
Copy !req
1276. Right. That would be me.
Copy !req
1277. No, no. It was
the other hostess.
Copy !req
1278. Sir, I'm the only
hostess in the restaurant.
Copy !req
1279. Let me apologize about the booth.
We are so sorry.
Copy !req
1280. We've replaced your date's side
with a new chair, a strong one,
Copy !req
1281. and the meal's
gonna be on us.
Copy !req
1282. Okay.
Copy !req
1283. Well, thank you.
Copy !req
1284. You're welcome.
Copy !req
1285. Excuse me. Did you...
Did you move us?
Copy !req
1286. No. Second table
on the right.
Copy !req
1287. Well, then maybe you can explain
to me why that robust woman
Copy !req
1288. is eating
my girlfriend's...
Copy !req
1289. Hey! Now she's eating
my clams casino!
Copy !req
1290. Sweetie, are you okay?
Copy !req
1291. Excuse me.
Copy !req
1292. Mclntosh's. Tiffany.
Copy !req
1293. Okay.
Copy !req
1294. We're two friends walking.
Just walking. Hey, come on.
Copy !req
1295. And then Robbins confirmed
exactly what I thought!
Copy !req
1296. Which is?
Copy !req
1297. You weren't irresistible
to women.
Copy !req
1298. He hypnotized you so that
really ugly girls that you met
Copy !req
1299. from then on would, to you,
look like supermodels.
Copy !req
1300. If they had inner beauty
or some baloney.
Copy !req
1301. See, you could get
any woman you desired
Copy !req
1302. because you were suddenly
desiring the undesirable!
Copy !req
1303. You get it?
Copy !req
1304. No, not exactly.
Let me put it this way.
Copy !req
1305. It's like he gave you
beer-goggle laser surgery.
Copy !req
1306. Now wait a second.
Copy !req
1307. So what you're saying is all the pretty girls
I've met lately are not really pretty?
Copy !req
1308. All right. Let's
look at the facts.
Copy !req
1309. They were funny,
smart and nice.
Copy !req
1310. Pretty girls
are not funny!
Copy !req
1311. And they're certainly
not nice! Not to us!
Copy !req
1312. When I found out
what he did,
Copy !req
1313. I had him take
the trance away.
Copy !req
1314. When I said, "Shallow Hal
wants a gal," you were cured.
Copy !req
1315. You're out of your mind.
Do you know that?
Copy !req
1316. I'm going back
to the restaurant.
Copy !req
1317. Hal. Hal, come on.
Copy !req
1318. Hal!
Copy !req
1319. You never called me back.
Copy !req
1320. What happened to you?
Excuse me?
Copy !req
1321. Oh.
Copy !req
1322. I've got my hair back.
Copy !req
1323. It's me Katrina.
Copy !req
1324. We shared the cab together.
Copy !req
1325. I'm in town taking care
of my grandma,
Copy !req
1326. 'cause, she's
been sick, and...
Copy !req
1327. Oh, wait a minute!
I get it!
Copy !req
1328. Nice try, Mauricio.
Where'd you find this one?
Copy !req
1329. No, it's me Katrina.
Copy !req
1330. From Boston.
The magical fruit?
Copy !req
1331. Yes, I remember Katrina.
But the thing is, you're not...
Copy !req
1332. I never told you about...
Copy !req
1333. Katrina! How the heck are ya?
Give me some sugar.
Copy !req
1334. I didn't recognize you.
The hair and the...
Copy !req
1335. You screwed me! I had a beautiful,
caring, funny, intelligent woman,
Copy !req
1336. and you made her
disappear!
Copy !req
1337. Oh, no, I didn't.
Copy !req
1338. I just made Rosemary appear!
Copy !req
1339. There's a difference.
It's called reality.
Copy !req
1340. Hey, if you can see something and hear it and
smell it, what keeps it from being real?
Copy !req
1341. Third-party perspective.
Copy !req
1342. Other people agreeing
that it's real.
Copy !req
1343. Okay, let me ask
you a question.
Copy !req
1344. Who's the all-time
love of your life?
Copy !req
1345. Wonder Woman.
Copy !req
1346. Okay. Let's say Wonder Woman
falls in love with you, right?
Copy !req
1347. Would it bother you if the rest of the
world didn't find her attractive?
Copy !req
1348. Not at all.
'Cause I know they'd be wrong.
Copy !req
1349. That's what I had
with Rosemary!
Copy !req
1350. I saw a knockout!
I don't care what anybody else saw!
Copy !req
1351. Jeez, I never thought
about it that way.
Copy !req
1352. Hey, I guess I really
did screw you?
Copy !req
1353. What am I gonna do?
Copy !req
1354. Hey, hey, don't panic.
Copy !req
1355. We just get Tony
Robbins back here,
Copy !req
1356. he puts the Vulcan
mind meld on ya.
Copy !req
1357. Then puts you back under.
Good idea.
Copy !req
1358. For now, avoid Rosemary.
Copy !req
1359. Why?
Copy !req
1360. Because if you see
the real Rosemary,
Copy !req
1361. hypnosis is not
gonna help you.
Copy !req
1362. You'll need, like, the Jaws of Life
to get that image out of your head.
Copy !req
1363. Hal, open up. It's me.
Copy !req
1364. I hear you in there.
Copy !req
1365. Just a sec, Rosemary.
Copy !req
1366. What happened to you?
Copy !req
1367. I got something in my eye.
I had to run back here and flush it out.
Copy !req
1368. Yeah, the hostess said that you seemed
a little cuckoo. So, come on, open up!
Copy !req
1369. I can%.
Copy !req
1370. We'll club her. No.
Copy !req
1371. I'm... I'm...
Copy !req
1372. I'm very sick!
I've got...
Copy !req
1373. CC!
Copy !req
1374. You have what?
Copy !req
1375. Contagious conjunctivitis.
Copy !req
1376. I'll take my chances.
Now open up.
Copy !req
1377. All right.
In a minute.
Copy !req
1378. I told you it was nasty.
Copy !req
1379. Are you okay? Do you need
to go to the hospital?
Copy !req
1380. Nah, nah. I got some drops.
I'll be fine.
Copy !req
1381. Oh, my poor baby.
Copy !req
1382. Yeah. Well, I should
probably rack out.
Copy !req
1383. This has taken
a lot out of me.
Copy !req
1384. Okay.
Copy !req
1385. Well, I'll call you in the morning
and see how you're doing.
Copy !req
1386. Great. Great. Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1387. Pop the cork,
a champagne glass
Copy !req
1388. Raise to the future,
drink to the past
Copy !req
1389. Thank the Lord
for the friends he cast
Copy !req
1390. In the play He wrote for you
Copy !req
1391. And if you love the girl, man,
light up a torch
Copy !req
1392. Blaze a trail
to her front porch
Copy !req
1393. Kiss her till your lips
are scorched
Copy !req
1394. Till the rain comes
down on you
Copy !req
1395. Bless your sweet mistakes
Copy !req
1396. Hal, is everything
all right with you?
Copy !req
1397. Yeah. Yeah, it's topnotch, sir.
Why?
Copy !req
1398. Well, it's just that Rosemary's
been telling me that
Copy !req
1399. she's having a bit of trouble getting you
on the telephone the last couple of days.
Copy !req
1400. Now, I wouldn't be working
you too hard, would I?
Copy !req
1401. No. I mean,
I'm working hard,
Copy !req
1402. but I guess I've just been a
little preoccupied with things.
Copy !req
1403. But I'll make sure and
touch base with her.
Copy !req
1404. Right.
Copy !req
1405. Right. Okay, then.
Copy !req
1406. I'm sorry. You know, apparently
this Tony Robbins guy
Copy !req
1407. is tougher to track down
than I thought he'd be.
Copy !req
1408. I'll come through.
I promise.
Copy !req
1409. I can't keep this up.
Copy !req
1410. Hey, calm down.
Copy !req
1411. I don't know, Mauricio.
Maybe I should just see her.
Copy !req
1412. I mean, I do have...
Copy !req
1413. You know, the heart thing.
Copy !req
1414. Maybe that's enough
to overcome her appearance.
Copy !req
1415. It could be like in that
movie, The Crying Game.
Copy !req
1416. When the guy fell in love
with a beautiful woman?
Copy !req
1417. When he found out it was
a guy, it didn't matter,
Copy !req
1418. 'cause he already loved her.
Copy !req
1419. Hal, if a set of hairy boys was your
biggest hurdle here, I'd say go for it.
Copy !req
1420. - Hello?
- Hey, it's me.
Copy !req
1421. Hey, what's up, Rosemary?
Copy !req
1422. What happened yesterday?
Copy !req
1423. Well, I stopped by your office to say
hi, but you just took off running.
Copy !req
1424. Oh, you're kidding.
Copy !req
1425. No.
Copy !req
1426. What were you doing?
Copy !req
1427. I was jogging-
Copy !req
1428. In your business suit?
Copy !req
1429. I had a sweat suit
underneath.
Copy !req
1430. Is everything...
Copy !req
1431. What's going on, Hal?
Copy !req
1432. Things haven't felt
the same lately.
Copy !req
1433. - No?
- No.
Copy !req
1434. Hey, Rosemary, don't worry.
Everything...
Copy !req
1435. I'm just in a little funk right now,
and everything's gonna be fine.
Copy !req
1436. Yeah. So...
Copy !req
1437. I guess I'll talk to
you tomorrow? Bye.
Copy !req
1438. Bye.
Copy !req
1439. What happened to you?
Copy !req
1440. I can't get to you
Copy !req
1441. 'Cause there's a wall
in your heart
Copy !req
1442. That no one can
get through
Copy !req
1443. And it's cold and it's dark
Copy !req
1444. And you don't have a clue
Copy !req
1445. But this Wall, it Will fall
Copy !req
1446. If it's the last thing I do
Copy !req
1447. I'll get through
Copy !req
1448. This wall in your heart
Copy !req
1449. Who is it?
Hal, is that you?
Copy !req
1450. It's Jill.
Copy !req
1451. Coming.
Copy !req
1452. Hey, what's up?
Copy !req
1453. My girlfriend just
bailed on me,
Copy !req
1454. and I was wondering if I could
take you out to dinner.
Copy !req
1455. I'm sorry.
Tonight's not good.
Copy !req
1456. Oh, come on.
Don't be such a stiff.
Copy !req
1457. I want to talk to you
about some stuff.
Copy !req
1458. No, really. I can't.
Copy !req
1459. Please? We'll go
out just as friends.
Copy !req
1460. Oh, come on.
You gotta eat, don't you?
Copy !req
1461. Can I ask you
something, Jill?
Copy !req
1462. Yeah.
Copy !req
1463. Why the sudden thaw?
Copy !req
1464. Well, I've been
thinking a lot.
Copy !req
1465. Hal, I made a mistake.
Copy !req
1466. I shouldn't have
broken it off with you.
Copy !req
1467. Well, you didn't
really break it off.
Copy !req
1468. I mean, we only had
that one date.
Copy !req
1469. You did the right thing.
We were going nowhere.
Copy !req
1470. We had nothing in
common, remember?
Copy !req
1471. But that was my fault.
I shut you out emotionally.
Copy !req
1472. We could have had more things
in common if I'd wanted to.
Copy !req
1473. Mr. Shanahan,
how are you this evening?
Copy !req
1474. How am I? Tonight I feel like a
thorn amongst a bed of roses.
Copy !req
1475. Your table's ready.
John will seat you.
Copy !req
1476. Right this way, please.
Copy !req
1477. I'm just gonna go
to the ladies' room.
Copy !req
1478. Okay, Rosie,
we'll be at the table.
Copy !req
1479. Yeah. See, why did you shut
me out in the first place?
Copy !req
1480. I'm just curious.
Copy !req
1481. Well, frankly, I guess I
thought you were shallow.
Copy !req
1482. Me?
Copy !req
1483. Yeah. You struck me as this
kind of superficial dickwad.
Copy !req
1484. I don't know.
What do you call it?
Copy !req
1485. Hal, it's okay. I've been
watching you the past few weeks.
Copy !req
1486. I've seen the women
you go out with.
Copy !req
1487. And now I know appearances mean
absolutely nothing to you.
Copy !req
1488. If anything, you're
pathologically unshallow.
Copy !req
1489. I don't know
about that.
Copy !req
1490. It's true.
Copy !req
1491. Listen, I have an idea.
Copy !req
1492. Why don't we get all
this food to go? Why?
Copy !req
1493. Because it'll taste
a lot better in bed.
Copy !req
1494. You know, there are a few
times in a guy's life,
Copy !req
1495. and I mean like two
or three, tops,
Copy !req
1496. when he comes to a crossroads,
and he's gotta decide.
Copy !req
1497. If he goes one way, he can
continue what he's doing
Copy !req
1498. and be with any girl
who will have him,
Copy !req
1499. and if he goes the other way, he
gets to be with only one woman,
Copy !req
1500. maybe for the rest
of his life.
Copy !req
1501. Now, it seems like by taking the second
road, he's missing out on a lot.
Copy !req
1502. But the truth is, he gets
much more in return.
Copy !req
1503. He gets to be happy.
Are you wearing panties?
Copy !req
1504. God, what am I saying? No!
Copy !req
1505. No, I'm sorry. Jill, this...
This isn't gonna happen.
Copy !req
1506. I think I'm gonna go down
that other road for once.
Copy !req
1507. - Hi.
- Hello.
Copy !req
1508. Hello?
Copy !req
1509. He)', hey, hey now.
Copy !req
1510. It's me, your love bunny.
Copy !req
1511. I miss you and
I wanna see you.
Copy !req
1512. What's the matter?
You sound upset.
Copy !req
1513. What are you,
some kind of psycho?
Copy !req
1514. God.
Copy !req
1515. Hello? Rosie?
Copy !req
1516. Just you leave me
daughter alone.
Copy !req
1517. I don't understand.
Copy !req
1518. The jig is up,
and she knows it!
Copy !req
1519. Well, she hasn't returned my calls.
What's going on?
Copy !req
1520. It's a little late to be worrying
about that now, don't you think?
Copy !req
1521. Besides, she went and accepted
that Peace Corps assignment.
Copy !req
1522. No offense, Mr. Shanahan, but I think
I have a right to hear this from her.
Copy !req
1523. I'll give you your rights.
I'll give you your last rites,
Copy !req
1524. you self-righteous
little shit!
Copy !req
1525. You know, I wanted to like you.
I truly did.
Copy !req
1526. And all of that malarkey that you
gave me that night at the house,
Copy !req
1527. I bought into it.
Copy !req
1528. In spite of all me better
instincts, I took the hook.
Copy !req
1529. I don't know.
Maybe I share in the blame of it all.
Copy !req
1530. Maybe I just... I just wanted to believe
that there was still a decent guy out there.
Copy !req
1531. A lad that would be
right for me daughter.
Copy !req
1532. But, sir...
Copy !req
1533. Don't speak!
Just you listen!
Copy !req
1534. Now, thankfully, as it turns
out, there is a guy out there.
Copy !req
1535. His name is Ralph Owens.
Copy !req
1536. Pretty boy Ralph?
Copy !req
1537. Don't be a smart-ass.
Now you listen to me.
Copy !req
1538. They're back together, and me
daughter has a chance to be happy.
Copy !req
1539. And you, you'll be
respectin' that.
Copy !req
1540. Well, I dreamed I saw
the knights in armor coming
Copy !req
1541. Saying something about a queen
Copy !req
1542. There were peasants singin'
and drummers drummin '...
Copy !req
1543. Excuse me. Could you tell me what
floor Rosemary Shanahan works on?
Copy !req
1544. I think she's up
in Pediatrics.
Copy !req
1545. Yeah. That's third floor.
Copy !req
1546. Thank you.
Copy !req
1547. That was floating
on the breeze
Copy !req
1548. Hal, is that you?
Copy !req
1549. Hey.
Copy !req
1550. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1551. I...
Copy !req
1552. I came to see Rosemary.
Copy !req
1553. Oh, well, she left early.
She seemed upset about something.
Copy !req
1554. Any idea where
she went?
Copy !req
1555. You got me.
Copy !req
1556. Hi, Hal.
Copy !req
1557. Hi.
Copy !req
1558. How do you know
my name?
Copy !req
1559. It's me Cadence.
Copy !req
1560. Oh. Hi, Cadence.
Copy !req
1561. How are you, beautiful?
Copy !req
1562. How come you haven't
come back to see us?
Copy !req
1563. Well...
Copy !req
1564. Me and Rosemary have been
having some problems.
Copy !req
1565. I was really stupid.
Copy !req
1566. Well, why don't you go buy her a present
and then maybe you can make up?
Copy !req
1567. You were right.
Copy !req
1568. In the gym last week when you said I
was scared of women, you were right.
Copy !req
1569. Nah, I didn't mean that.
I was just...
Copy !req
1570. No, come on, Hal.
It's the truth.
Copy !req
1571. I'm terrified of 'em.
Copy !req
1572. I haven't been close
to a woman my whole life.
Copy !req
1573. I'm a coward, all right?
Copy !req
1574. But why? I mean, look at you.
You're a mountain of a man.
Copy !req
1575. You got more style
than Mr. Blackwell.
Copy !req
1576. You're pulling in what,
28, 29 G's a year?
Copy !req
1577. $29,500.
Copy !req
1578. You're the perfect catch.
Copy !req
1579. I know. I know.
It's crazy.
Copy !req
1580. I just have this thing.
Copy !req
1581. What thing?
Copy !req
1582. It's kind of a
Copy !req
1583. birth defect thing.
Copy !req
1584. Jeez, man. I didn't know.
What is it?
Copy !req
1585. I have a tail.
Copy !req
1586. A tail.
Copy !req
1587. What do you mean,
like a story?
Copy !req
1588. No, a tail.
It's like a waggy tail.
Copy !req
1589. My backbone is longer
than it's supposed to be.
Copy !req
1590. It's like a genetic
abnormality.
Copy !req
1591. It's a vestigial tail.
Copy !req
1592. You do not.
Copy !req
1593. Yeah, I do.
Copy !req
1594. Get out!
Copy !req
1595. You see? If I can't even get
my best friend to accept it,
Copy !req
1596. how am I supposed
to expect some woman to?
Copy !req
1597. Wait a second.
Are you for real?
Copy !req
1598. 'Cause if you are,
I gotta see this.
Copy !req
1599. No, you don't wanna see it.
Copy !req
1600. No, I don't wanna
I gotta.
Copy !req
1601. Good Lord.
Copy !req
1602. All right.
You believe me now?
Copy !req
1603. Oh, man.
It really does wag.
Copy !req
1604. Only when I'm nervous
or happy.
Copy !req
1605. Have you ever
thought about, you know,
Copy !req
1606. maybe getting it cut off?
Copy !req
1607. Cut off? I don't know why
I never thought of that
Copy !req
1608. when I was getting pummeled in gym
class by a bunch of barking seniors!
Copy !req
1609. All right, calm down.
Copy !req
1610. God!
Copy !req
1611. The damn thing is wrapped around an artery!
No doctor will touch it!
Copy !req
1612. Well, it's not so bad.
Copy !req
1613. I guarantee you there's some girls out
there who would think it was adorable.
Copy !req
1614. Like a little puppy dog.
Copy !req
1615. Really?
Copy !req
1616. You think it's like
a puppy dpp?
Copy !req
1617. It's cute as a button.
Copy !req
1618. You want to pet
the little fella?
Copy !req
1619. No!
Copy !req
1620. But, you know, I'm not
much of a dog person.
Copy !req
1621. By the way, you're gonna need a
little sod on the fairway there.
Copy !req
1622. What do you mean?
Copy !req
1623. So, what are you
doing right now?
Copy !req
1624. - Nothing. Why?
- Can I get a lift?
Copy !req
1625. I gotta go see
someone.
Copy !req
1626. - Yeah. Sure.
- Great.
Copy !req
1627. Feels like
longer than forever, yeah
Copy !req
1628. My home is now
a distant land
Copy !req
1629. If I had one wish,
I wish I could be
Copy !req
1630. Back on that rock
in the middle of the sea
Copy !req
1631. My heart is calling me
to the islands
Copy !req
1632. My home is now
a distant land
Copy !req
1633. If I had one wish,
I wish I could be
Copy !req
1634. Back on that rock...
Copy !req
1635. Hey! Hal, right?
Copy !req
1636. Have we met?
Copy !req
1637. It's me, Li'iBoy.
Copy !req
1638. I met you up in the
mountains with Ralph.
Copy !req
1639. Oh, yeah, Li'iBoy.
How ya doing? Yeah.
Copy !req
1640. Yeah, you look like
you've been working out.
Copy !req
1641. Nah.
Copy !req
1642. So, do you know
if Ralph is in the office?
Copy !req
1643. Yeah. Ralph!
Copy !req
1644. Hal! Hey, Hal.
Copy !req
1645. Hey.
Copy !req
1646. - Yeah.
- How ya doing?
Copy !req
1647. Oh, I'm doing great. You're looking good.
So, what can I do you for?
Copy !req
1648. I came here to
congratulate you.
Copy !req
1649. Oh. On?
Copy !req
1650. Look...
Copy !req
1651. You got a great girl,
and you deserve her.
Copy !req
1652. More than me.
Copy !req
1653. And the truth is,
I'm happy for Rosemary.
Copy !req
1654. But understand this.
You better be good to her, Ralph.
Copy !req
1655. You better be good to her.
Copy !req
1656. Ralph, if you ever...
If you ever mess up and make her unhappy,
Copy !req
1657. I'll be waiting in the wings, and
I'll pounce on you. Like a tiger!
Copy !req
1658. Like a tiger on a deer, with a
cloven hoof and with a broken arm!
Copy !req
1659. Hal.
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1660. I know you're back together.
Let's not play games.
Copy !req
1661. Rosemary and I
aren't back together.
Copy !req
1662. You're not?
Copy !req
1663. Well, let's put it
this way.
Copy !req
1664. Her parents are throwing a going-away
party for her as we speak.
Copy !req
1665. I wasn't even invited.
Copy !req
1666. We are building a religion
we are building it bigger
Copy !req
1667. We are widening the corridors
and adding more lanes
Copy !req
1668. This seems crazy.
Copy !req
1669. Yeah.
That's 'cause it is.
Copy !req
1670. But crazy's all you got.
Copy !req
1671. Amen to that.
Copy !req
1672. Good luck, Hal.
Copy !req
1673. It is useless to resist it,
his cigarette is burning
Copy !req
1674. He is living comfort eagle,
you can meet at his location
Copy !req
1675. But you better come with cash,
now his hat is on backwards
Copy !req
1676. Well, I could
use a drink.
Copy !req
1677. What do you say we
slide around the side here?
Copy !req
1678. Yeah, we'll blend in.
Copy !req
1679. Yeah.
Copy !req
1680. Hello?
Copy !req
1681. Rosie?
Copy !req
1682. Excuse me.
What are you doing...
Copy !req
1683. I love you.
Copy !req
1684. I'm not going anywhere
until you hear me out.
Copy !req
1685. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1686. Who are you?
Copy !req
1687. Who... Hal, are you drunk?
It's me, Mrs. Shanahan.
Copy !req
1688. I have some things to say to your daughter
and I'm not leaving here until I do.
Copy !req
1689. Okay. But could you release Helga
so she can get back to work?
Copy !req
1690. Get ready, Li'iBoy.
It's show time.
Copy !req
1691. Well, Hal,
now's your chance.
Copy !req
1692. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
1693. Oh, my God.
You're beautiful.
Copy !req
1694. You have no right
to be here.
Copy !req
1695. Hal, come on.
This isn't working out.
Copy !req
1696. I'm okay.
Copy !req
1697. What the hell
are you doing here?
Copy !req
1698. I'm having a word
with your daughter.
Copy !req
1699. Well, it better be goodbye!
Copy !req
1700. You've got her all up...
Copy !req
1701. Steve! Shut up.
Copy !req
1702. Rosemary, I am so
sorry that I hurt you.
Copy !req
1703. I've been really dumb.
Copy !req
1704. I'm immature.
I'm unthoughtful.
Copy !req
1705. I'm a friggin' idiot.
Copy !req
1706. But I love you.
Copy !req
1707. You're the only girl
I've ever loved.
Copy !req
1708. And I just didn't want you to
go away without knowing that.
Copy !req
1709. You really hurt me.
Copy !req
1710. I know.
Copy !req
1711. But if you'll let me,
Copy !req
1712. I want to spend the rest of
my life making it up to you.
Copy !req
1713. Well, your timing
is terrible.
Copy !req
1714. I mean, I'm leaving for Carabas
tonight for 14 months.
Copy !req
1715. I'm sorry, Rosemary.
I just can't wait that long.
Copy !req
1716. I understand.
Copy !req
1717. Which is why
I'm going with you.
Copy !req
1718. What?
Copy !req
1719. Yeah, it's true, Rosie.
Copy !req
1720. Big Kahuna here just swore him into
the Corps about a half-hour ago.
Copy !req
1721. That's right.
He's official.
Copy !req
1722. Are you sure that's
what you want to do?
Copy !req
1723. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
Copy !req
1724. It can never explain
your heart
Copy !req
1725. And the touch
Copy !req
1726. of my "PS
Copy !req
1727. You want me to change
Copy !req
1728. I can't get used to
Copy !req
1729. All you want me to be
Copy !req
1730. And I just can't pretend
Copy !req
1731. To be anyone else
Copy !req
1732. 'Cause it's not really me
Copy !req
1733. This is my world
Copy !req
1734. This is who I am
Copy !req
1735. And I'm not trying
to give up myself
Copy !req
1736. To make your life better
Copy !req
1737. She said
Copy !req
1738. This is how it is
Copy !req
1739. I got my own life to live
Copy !req
1740. And you can either
accept me or
Copy !req
1741. And if it's love
Copy !req
1742. That we share
Copy !req
1743. Here's your bag, Rosemary.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1744. Congratulations, Hal.
Copy !req
1745. Thank you. Hey.
Copy !req
1746. - Rosemary.
- Bye.
Copy !req
1747. Just keep it right there
at the airport.
Copy !req
1748. I'll pick it up later.
Congrats.
Copy !req
1749. We love you, Rosie.
Copy !req
1750. I love you, Mom!
Copy !req
1751. Yes. And, Rosemary, you'd
better be looking after me lad.
Copy !req
1752. I will
Copy !req
1753. She ain't got no money,
her clothes are kinda funny
Copy !req
1754. Later, dudes!
Copy !req
1755. Her hair is kinda
wild and free
Copy !req
1756. Oh, but love grows
where my Rosemary goes
Copy !req
1757. And nobody knows like me...
Copy !req
1758. Say bye-bye
Bye-bye.
Copy !req
1759. She talks kind of lazy,
people say she's crazy
Copy !req
1760. And her love's a mystery...
Copy !req
1761. You like puppy dogs
do you?
Copy !req
1762. Oh! Anything to do
with dogs, I melt.
Copy !req
1763. Why don't we go around back,
get a little drink?
Copy !req
1764. Sure. Yeah? Come on, big fella.
Copy !req
1765. It's a feelin' that's fine,
and I just gotta say
Copy !req
1766. Hey
Copy !req
1767. She's really got
a magical spell
Copy !req
1768. And it's workin' so well
Copy !req
1769. That I can't get away
Copy !req
1770. I'm a lucky fella
and I just gotta tell her
Copy !req
1771. That I love her endlessly
Copy !req
1772. Because love grows
where my Rosemary goes
Copy !req
1773. And nobody knows like me
Copy !req
1774. There's something
about her hand holdin' mine
Copy !req
1775. It's a feelin' that's fine,
and I just gotta say, hey
Copy !req
1776. She's really got
a magical spell
Copy !req
1777. And it's workin' so well
that I can't get away
Copy !req
1778. I'm a lucky fella
and I just gotta tell her
Copy !req
1779. That I love her endlessly
Copy !req
1780. Because love grows
where my Rosemary goes
Copy !req
1781. And nobody knows like me
Copy !req
1782. It keeps growing
every place she's been
Copy !req
1783. And nobody knows like me
Copy !req
1784. If you met her
you'll never forget her
Copy !req
1785. And nobody knows like me
Copy !req
1786. We are building a religion
Copy !req
1787. We are building it bigger
Copy !req
1788. We are widening the corridors
and adding more lanes
Copy !req
1789. We are building a religion,
a limited edition
Copy !req
1790. We are now accepting callers
for these pendant key chains
Copy !req
1791. To resist it is useless,
it is useless to resist it
Copy !req
1792. His cigarette is burning
but he never seems to ash
Copy !req
1793. He is grooming his poodle,
he is living comfort eagle
Copy !req
1794. You can meet at his location
but you better come with cash
Copy !req
1795. Now his hat is on backwards,
he can show you his tattoos
Copy !req
1796. He is in the music business,
he is calling you
Copy !req
1797. Dude!
Copy !req
1798. Now today is tomorrow,
and tomorrow today
Copy !req
1799. And yesterday is weaving
in and out, out, out
Copy !req
1800. And the fluffy white lines that
the airplane leaves behind
Copy !req
1801. Are drifting right in front
of the waning of the moon
Copy !req
1802. He is handling the money
Copy !req
1803. He's serving the food
Copy !req
1804. He knows about your party,
he is calling you
Copy !req
1805. Dude!
Copy !req
1806. Now do you believe
in the one big sign?
Copy !req
1807. The doublewide shine
on the bootheels of your prime
Copy !req
1808. Doesn't matter if you're skinny,
doesn't matter if you're fat
Copy !req
1809. You can dress up like a sultan
in your onion-head hat
Copy !req
1810. We are building a religion,
we are making a brand
Copy !req
1811. We're the only ones to turn to
when your castles turn to sand
Copy !req
1812. Take a bite of this apple,
Mr. Corporate Events
Copy !req
1813. Take a walk through the jungle
of cardboard shanties and tents
Copy !req
1814. Some people drink Pepsi,
some people drink Coke
Copy !req
1815. The wacky morning deejay
says democracy's a joke
Copy !req
1816. He says now do you believe
in the one big song?
Copy !req
1817. He's now accepting callers
who would like to sing along
Copy !req
1818. He says do you believe
in the one true edge?
Copy !req
1819. By fastening your safety belts
and stepping towards the ledge
Copy !req
1820. He is handling the money,
he is serving the food
Copy !req
1821. He is now accepting callers,
he is calling me
Copy !req
1822. Dude!
Copy !req
1823. Now do you believe
in the one big sign?
Copy !req
1824. The doublewide shine
on the bootheels of your prime
Copy !req
1825. There's no need to ask directions
if you ever lose your mind
Copy !req
1826. We're behind you,
we're behind you
Copy !req
1827. And let us please remind you
Copy !req
1828. We can send a car to find you
if you ever lose your way
Copy !req
1829. I think of you
Copy !req
1830. Wherever you may go
Copy !req
1831. I know that you are only
one dream away
Copy !req
1832. So don't give up, baby
Copy !req
1833. Don't give in
Copy !req
1834. If we try we can begin again
Copy !req
1835. I know what we've been through
Copy !req
1836. But I still think of you
Copy !req
1837. I think of you
Copy !req
1838. Whenever I get down
Copy !req
1839. Whenever I get weary
Copy !req
1840. I think of you
Copy !req
1841. When you're not around
Copy !req
1842. I wonder if you hear me
call out your name
Copy !req
1843. So don't give up, baby
Copy !req
1844. Don't give in
Copy !req
1845. If we try we can begin again
Copy !req
1846. I know what we've been through
Copy !req
1847. But I still think of you
Copy !req
1848. I think of you
Copy !req
1849. Whenever I get down
Copy !req
1850. Whenever I get weary
Copy !req
1851. I think of you
Copy !req
1852. Hey, kid. How 'bout
these Rossi boots?
Copy !req
1853. They fit like
a glove or what?
Copy !req
1854. English - US - PSDH
Copy !req