1. Venerable ancestors, 1000 years
ago the Evil One was drivenCopy !req
2. from the face of the globe.Copy !req
3. As we then foretold,
there would come a timeCopy !req
4. when evil, corruption, and
perversion would rise again,Copy !req
5. and the Evil One would be able to return.Copy !req
6. That time is now.Copy !req
7. At the end of Mercury's next journey,Copy !req
8. the dragon shall dance
through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
9. If at that moment, the
monkey will ride the jaguar,Copy !req
10. and the tiger will feast on the nubile,Copy !req
11. the order of the universe will
be such that the Evil One willCopy !req
12. reign supreme for eternity.Copy !req
13. There is only one being who
can confront the Evil One.Copy !req
14. The Chosen One is on his way to us now.Copy !req
15. I'm gonna kill you!Copy !req
16. Hey!Copy !req
17. A 560SL!Copy !req
18. Outrageous!Copy !req
19. Arthur, when did you get it?Copy !req
20. Hey, this baby was my commissionCopy !req
21. on that Stuart Pandex takeover.Copy !req
22. You were in on Stuart Pandex?Copy !req
23. You lucky bastard.Copy !req
24. Hey, luck had nothing to do with it.Copy !req
25. My cleaning lady's nephew's son
works for Reginald Stuart.Copy !req
26. I knew about that deal six months ago.Copy !req
27. Hey!Copy !req
28. Inside information, that's illegal.Copy !req
29. And this, my friend, is
a Mercedes convertible.Copy !req
30. And it's all mine!Copy !req
31. Ha ha!Copy !req
32. Ichiro!Copy !req
33. Bye-bye, Kabukiman.Copy !req
34. It looks like you and
your family are through!Copy !req
35. You can kill me, but you can't
the spirit of Kabukiman.Copy !req
36. Your husband, Ichiro, can't
make it to his performanceCopy !req
37. tonight, sweetheart.Copy !req
38. Too bad because you're going
to be the hit on Broadway!Copy !req
39. I'm telling you,
man, with these wheelsCopy !req
40. the babes are going to
be falling all over you.Copy !req
41. Huh?Copy !req
42. Oh, my!Copy !req
43. Dear me!Copy !req
44. What happened?Copy !req
45. Here you go, buddy.Copy !req
46. Get yourself a cup of coffee.Copy !req
47. Griswold's the name.Copy !req
48. Thank you!Copy !req
49. Sergeant Harry Griswold, NYPD.Copy !req
50. This city can take its toll on some.Copy !req
51. Don't get me wrong, there
are a lot of nice qualitiesCopy !req
52. about this town.Copy !req
53. And some not so nice.Copy !req
54. I was following up on a lead to
what some might consider justCopy !req
55. another New York City massacre.Copy !req
56. Pretty woman thrown out
of a high-rise window,Copy !req
57. her Japanese husband disemboweled,Copy !req
58. and their two kids turned
into shredded wheat.Copy !req
59. I was supposed to be having dinnerCopy !req
60. with a friend and coworker, Connie LaRosa,Copy !req
61. and looking forward to it.Copy !req
62. Instead, I stopped at my
favorite sidewalk cafeCopy !req
63. for a quick bite, and was
on my way to some kindCopy !req
64. of amateur kabuki performance.Copy !req
65. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
66. and welcome to "Lifestyles of
the Wealthy and Well-Known."Copy !req
67. Today, we are in a glamorous
New York City theaterCopy !req
68. where just about to begin
is a special performanceCopy !req
69. of the first Manhattan
kabuki players adaptationCopy !req
70. of "The Kabuki Couples."Copy !req
71. Tonight, we are fortunate to
focus our spotlight of glamorCopy !req
72. on Mr. Reginald Stuart,
New York billionaireCopy !req
73. businessman and philanthropist.Copy !req
74. Good evening, Mr. Stuart.Copy !req
75. Good evening, Brian.Copy !req
76. It's a great pleasure
to be with you tonight.Copy !req
77. Your Stuart Foundation provided the fundingCopy !req
78. for tonight's performance.Copy !req
79. That's right we did.Copy !req
80. At the Stuart Pandex Corporation weCopy !req
81. believe that corporate
funding is the best wayCopy !req
82. to bring culture to the masses.Copy !req
83. The reason we've sponsored this
particular kabuki performanceCopy !req
84. is that I myself have been personallyCopy !req
85. interested for a long time in the workCopy !req
86. of Mr. Sato and his family, who haveCopy !req
87. trained this amateur troupe.Copy !req
88. Five minutes to curtain, Mr. Sato.Copy !req
89. My revered elder stands
ready to pass the giftCopy !req
90. and raise the spirit of Kabukiman.Copy !req
91. He will now consume the banquet of joining.Copy !req
92. My boss, Captain Bender, told meCopy !req
93. the Japanese entertain themselvesCopy !req
94. by going to the kabuki theater.Copy !req
95. It's a tradition that's been
going on for hundreds of years.Copy !req
96. The men dress up like
women and do some kindCopy !req
97. of poses in slow motion.Copy !req
98. And make some kind of weird noises.Copy !req
99. I had no idea what I was getting into.Copy !req
100. What I did know was that I
had missed another dateCopy !req
101. with Connie LaRosa.Copy !req
102. Grandfather, I grow nervous.Copy !req
103. The performance has already begunCopy !req
104. and the Chosen One has not yet arrived.Copy !req
105. If he's not here to receive the giftCopy !req
106. when the moon hangs in
the eye of the squid,Copy !req
107. what shall transpire?Copy !req
108. Hey, Oscar-San, you must have some hand.Copy !req
109. If something has befallen Ichiro,Copy !req
110. will you pass the ancient
kabuki powers to me?Copy !req
111. But Grandfather!Copy !req
112. Hey, Felix-San,
this place is a real mess.Copy !req
113. Why do you guys
always make such a mess?Copy !req
114. Eat, eat, eat.Copy !req
115. Drink, drink, drink.Copy !req
116. It's all you ever do.Copy !req
117. Stop complaining.Copy !req
118. Shh!Copy !req
119. Hey, stop it!Copy !req
120. Cut that out, Felix-San.Copy !req
121. Do something,
Oscar-San, do something.Copy !req
122. No!Copy !req
123. No!Copy !req
124. This is great, huh?Copy !req
125. A lot better than I expected.Copy !req
126. Everybody freeze!Copy !req
127. Police!Copy !req
128. Get out of the way!Copy !req
129. Move it!Copy !req
130. Oh my god, I don't
believe what I'm seeing!Copy !req
131. The performers are being mowed downCopy !req
132. by cheaply-dressed thugs brandishingCopy !req
133. expensive, custom-made automatic weapons!Copy !req
134. Ah!Copy !req
135. Bullets fly and rip my flesh.Copy !req
136. Even I am not immune to
the dazzling gun playCopy !req
137. as I could very well be cut in half.Copy !req
138. It's truly mind numbing.Copy !req
139. More fabulous in its scope
than... than even the fabulousCopy !req
140. princess.Copy !req
141. Shoot her.Copy !req
142. Go ahead, shoot her.Copy !req
143. What are you doing?Copy !req
144. I think I just saved your life, miss.Copy !req
145. Remove yourself from my
body, you filthy oaf!Copy !req
146. You're welcome.Copy !req
147. Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
148. Hey!Copy !req
149. Knock it off!Copy !req
150. Let's get out of here!Copy !req
151. We're supposed to be having fun here!Copy !req
152. Whoa!Copy !req
153. I'm on the case.Copy !req
154. That's enough.Copy !req
155. It's something crazy!Copy !req
156. OK.Copy !req
157. I'm wearing a dress.Copy !req
158. First I'm kissed by a guy,
now I'm wearing a dress.Copy !req
159. Fine.Copy !req
160. Frank, take couple of notes here.Copy !req
161. How did it feel watching
your grandfather beingCopy !req
162. mowed down by machine guns?Copy !req
163. Police!Copy !req
164. Freeze!Copy !req
165. Now, could you ladies... uh, you guysCopy !req
166. tell me exactly what happened?Copy !req
167. Well, when the bullets started
flying I hit the floor.Copy !req
168. Yeah, it was like something
out of the movies!Copy !req
169. You know what I mean?
Any numbers?Copy !req
170. Did you see anything?
There were five of them.Copy !req
171. There were twelve!Copy !req
172. There were five!Copy !req
173. We don't want to get involved.Copy !req
174. Freeze!Copy !req
175. That was the kindCopy !req
176. of boss is Captain Bender was.Copy !req
177. Always around when things were going wrong.Copy !req
178. I know this is a hard and
trying time for you,Copy !req
179. but what did you think when you sawCopy !req
180. rivulets of blood flowing down
his beautiful kabuki costume?Copy !req
181. I - had to admit I felt prettyCopy !req
182. silly wearing a kabuki dress.Copy !req
183. And my fellow officers being
there only made matters worse.Copy !req
184. Rembrandt, what could possiblyCopy !req
185. have been running through your mindCopy !req
186. when you decided to shoot
up an entire theater?Copy !req
187. We've almost achieved all our goals.Copy !req
188. There's no reason to draw
attention to our operation now.Copy !req
189. Now I'm going to have to get involvedCopy !req
190. and wipe all your little asses.Copy !req
191. Yes?Copy !req
192. Reverend.Copy !req
193. Snipes is here to see you, sir.Copy !req
194. Snipes is here.Copy !req
195. Send him in.Copy !req
196. Reverend Snipes, so good to see you.Copy !req
197. What brings you here at
such an ungodly hour?Copy !req
198. Who are you kidding, Reggie?Copy !req
199. We got business to discuss.Copy !req
200. Oh, have we?Copy !req
201. You bet your corporate butt we do.Copy !req
202. Your little contributions
to my youth centerCopy !req
203. just aren't going as far as they usedCopy !req
204. to, if you know what I mean.Copy !req
205. I got expenses, and an overhead
like you wouldn't believe.Copy !req
206. And I have no intentions of runningCopy !req
207. a non-profit organization.Copy !req
208. So, what is your point, Reverend?Copy !req
209. I tell my people to stop patronizingCopy !req
210. some of your businesses,
like that fast food chain.Copy !req
211. And you'll feel that power
give you a good, hard kickCopy !req
212. in that fat wallet of yours.Copy !req
213. I also got a certain female
police detective who'sCopy !req
214. been on my ass lately, and I'm
sure you wouldn't want any wordCopy !req
215. leaking out about your long-term
financial involvementCopy !req
216. in my organization.Copy !req
217. You catch my meaning?Copy !req
218. I think so.Copy !req
219. Sir.Copy !req
220. You can't go in there, sir.Copy !req
221. I go where I please!Copy !req
222. You can't!Copy !req
223. Uncle Reggie, sorry for barging
in, but we've got to talk.Copy !req
224. Excuse me, Reverend, this
will only take a second.Copy !req
225. What is it, Skipper?Copy !req
226. I thought we had an agreement here.Copy !req
227. I thought we had a relationship.Copy !req
228. I was going to take the wrap
for that shit at the theater,Copy !req
229. you were going to get me
off and make me a viceCopy !req
230. president with a corner office.Copy !req
231. No jail.Copy !req
232. No conviction.Copy !req
233. Nothing.Copy !req
234. Just a couple of mug shots and
a statement, and that's it.Copy !req
235. That was our understanding.Copy !req
236. But I just spent the past
four hours down in the canCopy !req
237. with some real criminals
waiting for your guyCopy !req
238. to come bail me the hell out!Copy !req
239. Do you know what it's like to be violatedCopy !req
240. by a 300-pound Filipino
skinhead named Gunther?Copy !req
241. It ain't no picnic!Copy !req
242. Ah, Skipper, Skipper, calm down, boy.Copy !req
243. I guarantee you'll never
spend another night in jail.Copy !req
244. Use the magazine!Copy !req
245. He's getting blood all over my new carpet!Copy !req
246. You always wanted to be on the
cover the "Financial Week,".Copy !req
247. Skippy.Copy !req
248. Here's your shot.Copy !req
249. You look great!Copy !req
250. Now let's see, where were we?Copy !req
251. Ah, yes.Copy !req
252. You were threatening me.Copy !req
253. You're nothing but a third-rate
con man, Reverend Snipes.Copy !req
254. But I have a need for you.Copy !req
255. That is, if you think
you can play hardball.Copy !req
256. Are you ready for the
major leagues, Reverend?Copy !req
257. Good.Copy !req
258. There's a lot of tension in the city now,Copy !req
259. and I want you to keep the flame on high.Copy !req
260. When it starts to boil over, I'llCopy !req
261. be there to arm the revolution.Copy !req
262. And when it gets out of control, I'll beCopy !req
263. there to restore order again.Copy !req
264. And then, Reverend, then
you'll see real power.Copy !req
265. Kabukiman.Copy !req
266. When I showed up at the stationCopy !req
267. house the next day, I knew the boys wouldCopy !req
268. be making jokes at my expense.Copy !req
269. This is what's known as an erect nipple.Copy !req
270. Hey, Harry, where's your pretty dress?Copy !req
271. Your mother wanted it back.Copy !req
272. Yeah, right.Copy !req
273. Hey, it's Madam Butterfly.Copy !req
274. Do you want some milk, Harry?Copy !req
275. LaRosa.Copy !req
276. Hey, Connie.Copy !req
277. You know, this whole thing has beenCopy !req
278. blown way out of proportion.Copy !req
279. Sure, sure, Harry.Copy !req
280. You're going to be all right.Copy !req
281. Listen, Connie, what do you say weCopy !req
282. try for dinner again tonight?Copy !req
283. I don't know what it is,
but I hate to say it,Copy !req
284. I have this craving for Japanese food.Copy !req
285. What do you say, Connie?Copy !req
286. I'd like to, Harry, but I
got to be in court tonight.Copy !req
287. Hey, look, I usually go jogging after work,Copy !req
288. you want to join me?Copy !req
289. No.Copy !req
290. Running?Copy !req
291. I'll be wearing my new
spandex jogging shorts.Copy !req
292. I was just saying to myself I
should get some more exercise.Copy !req
293. Spandex?Copy !req
294. Forget it, Harry.Copy !req
295. You don't have the legs for spandex.Copy !req
296. Besides, Bender wants to
see you in his office.Copy !req
297. Now!Copy !req
298. Do you come to this jail often?Copy !req
299. Oh, I'm a steady patron here!Copy !req
300. Yes!Copy !req
301. Commissioner, look, I understand that.Copy !req
302. Look, I'll do it.Copy !req
303. Damn!Copy !req
304. You're busy, I'll come back.Copy !req
305. Griswold, sit down.Copy !req
306. Now about last night here...Copy !req
307. OK.Copy !req
308. OK.Copy !req
309. I can explain.Copy !req
310. First of all, it wasn't a dress
I was wearing, it was a kimono.Copy !req
311. I don't want to know!Copy !req
312. I just wanted to tell
you that while you wereCopy !req
313. playing geisha girl, Reginald Stuart'sCopy !req
314. security men captured the perp.Copy !req
315. What?Copy !req
316. You heard me.Copy !req
317. Some cracked out wacko did it.Copy !req
318. Seems he had it in for Japanese everyCopy !req
319. since he got fired for using
drugs at a Toyota plant.Copy !req
320. I was there there.Copy !req
321. There were at least five guys shooting.Copy !req
322. Yeah.Copy !req
323. The other men were Stuart security men.Copy !req
324. And, by the way, you shot four of them!Copy !req
325. Fortunately, they're OK.Copy !req
326. Reginald Stuart advised them not to pressCopy !req
327. any charges against you, but you oweCopy !req
328. your ass to Reginald Stuart!Copy !req
329. There is no way those guys were security!Copy !req
330. They... they were shooting at the actors!Copy !req
331. They were shooting at me!Copy !req
332. Harry, you're not fucking listening to me!Copy !req
333. Look, we got the guy who
shot up the theater.Copy !req
334. I got eye witnesses who ID'd him.Copy !req
335. I got signed, notarized statements.Copy !req
336. And I got a confession.Copy !req
337. Case closed.Copy !req
338. Who's this?Copy !req
339. That's the perp.Copy !req
340. You see, I told you.Copy !req
341. That's not the guy!Copy !req
342. Harry, you don't get it, do you?Copy !req
343. That's it.Copy !req
344. The case is closed.Copy !req
345. Look, I'm happy.Copy !req
346. The Commissioner is happy.Copy !req
347. The Mayor is happy.Copy !req
348. And Reginald Stuart is happy.Copy !req
349. And there's one other loose end.Copy !req
350. There's a woman waiting for you
in the interrogation room.Copy !req
351. She says she was at the theater last night.Copy !req
352. The old man who was killed
was her grandfather.Copy !req
353. Find out what she wants, and
give her the good news.Copy !req
354. But...Copy !req
355. But nothing!Copy !req
356. That's it.Copy !req
357. The case is closed!Copy !req
358. You have a very important new assignment,Copy !req
359. the Goldberg dry cleaning case.Copy !req
360. I'm taking Joseph off, and
I'm putting you on it.Copy !req
361. Goldberg dry cleaners?Copy !req
362. Those three stupid, stolen shirts?Copy !req
363. It's four!Copy !req
364. And they're my stupid, stolen shirts!Copy !req
365. Now get to it!Copy !req
366. This is the part where you leave, Griswold.Copy !req
367. Holy cow, Dick!Copy !req
368. She's leaking!Copy !req
369. What?Copy !req
370. Is it Felicia the Flasher?Copy !req
371. Sergeant Griswold, I do not haveCopy !req
372. much time, so I'll be brief.Copy !req
373. A regrettable twist of fate has chosen youCopy !req
374. as a recipient of amazing
supermortal powers thatCopy !req
375. have been passed down through
generations of kabuki actorsCopy !req
376. in my family.Copy !req
377. Please, consume the Banquet of JoiningCopy !req
378. in honor of your benefactors.Copy !req
379. What?Copy !req
380. Eat!Copy !req
381. All right, that's it.Copy !req
382. I am outta here!Copy !req
383. Oh, oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
384. I get it.Copy !req
385. This is a joke, right?Copy !req
386. This is no joke, Detective!Copy !req
387. The changes in you have already begun.Copy !req
388. I saw the markings on
your face at the theater.Copy !req
389. Look at how you are dressed now!Copy !req
390. The spirit of Kabukiman lives within you.Copy !req
391. Eat!Copy !req
392. Ugh.Copy !req
393. Ick.Copy !req
394. Look, miss.Copy !req
395. Oh.Copy !req
396. Please.Copy !req
397. Uh.Copy !req
398. I'm sorry about what
happened, and I know you'veCopy !req
399. suffered a terrible loss.Copy !req
400. But I have some good news for you,Copy !req
401. they caught the guy who
killed your grandfather.Copy !req
402. You fool!Copy !req
403. They do not have the one responsibleCopy !req
404. for my grandfather's death.Copy !req
405. Why do you say that?Copy !req
406. Because my grandfather
was not killed by a man.Copy !req
407. His death was orchestrated by
the spirit of the Evil One.Copy !req
408. Evil On... spirits?Copy !req
409. Come on now, you're a full
grown woman, all right?Copy !req
410. You just talk to me in normal English!Copy !req
411. At the end of Mercury's next journey,Copy !req
412. the dragon shall dance
through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
413. Jupiter...Copy !req
414. If at that moment, the
monkey will ride the jaguarCopy !req
415. and the tiger will feast on the nubile,Copy !req
416. the order of the universe will
be such that the Evil One willCopy !req
417. reign supreme for eternity.Copy !req
418. Now, do I make myself perfectly clear?Copy !req
419. Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
420. Yeah.Copy !req
421. Fine.Copy !req
422. Mhm.Copy !req
423. I'll send a squad car over right
away to pick up Mr. Evil.Copy !req
424. Now, just one question...
For the big money...Copy !req
425. Who is the Evil One?Copy !req
426. Five seconds.Copy !req
427. I do not know!Copy !req
428. You're the detective!Copy !req
429. Yes!Copy !req
430. I am the detective, and
you are a fruit loop!Copy !req
431. Do not treat me as an inferior!Copy !req
432. I am easily your better.Copy !req
433. If only the order of the universeCopy !req
434. were not so unfair to womankind, ICopy !req
435. would've been chosen to receive the giftCopy !req
436. and would not now be dealing with suchCopy !req
437. a penis-wielding imbecile as yourself!Copy !req
438. You will find me when the time is right.Copy !req
439. I didn'tCopy !req
440. buy that story the captain
gave me about ReginaldCopy !req
441. Stuart and his men.Copy !req
442. So I decided to go over to his officeCopy !req
443. and see what Mr. Stuart was up to.Copy !req
444. Shall I say you're in a meeting?Copy !req
445. No, uh, let's seeCopy !req
446. what the little fellow wants.Copy !req
447. How you doing, boys?Copy !req
448. Oh, oh, hey, I hope I'm not
interrupting something.Copy !req
449. I was just...Copy !req
450. Not at all.Copy !req
451. Please, just come in.Copy !req
452. I hope you won't mind if I don't get up.Copy !req
453. No.Copy !req
454. No, no.Copy !req
455. Whatever.Copy !req
456. Fine.Copy !req
457. Ah.Copy !req
458. Not so hard.Copy !req
459. That's better.Copy !req
460. Ah.Copy !req
461. Now, it's, uh, Mr. Oswald, is it?Copy !req
462. Sergeant Griswold.Copy !req
463. Well, how may I be of service
to you, Detective Griswold?Copy !req
464. I understand that your company
financed the Japanese theaterCopy !req
465. troupe that was attacked last night,Copy !req
466. and that your men helped break it up.Copy !req
467. Griswold, of course.Copy !req
468. You're the officer who shot my employees.Copy !req
469. Well, you need not worry,
Detective Griswold,Copy !req
470. I've advised them not to
press charges against you.Copy !req
471. You were, after all, just
doing your job, weren't you?Copy !req
472. Ah, finished.Copy !req
473. Great, Amanda.Copy !req
474. Absolutely great.Copy !req
475. Thank you so much, dear.Copy !req
476. They were a little more scuffed
than usual, Mr. Stuart,Copy !req
477. but the hard brush took care of it.Copy !req
478. Have you ever consideredCopy !req
479. working in the private
sector, Detective Griswold?Copy !req
480. You could afford so many nice things.Copy !req
481. I don't need nice things.Copy !req
482. Isn't that an authentic Shogun
sword from the Tokugawa Yasin.Copy !req
483. Shogunate?Copy !req
484. Manufactured in Edo in, I'd say, 1638?Copy !req
485. Well, yes, as a matter of
fact it is a Tokugawa.Copy !req
486. And it was made in Edo.Copy !req
487. But how did you know that?Copy !req
488. How did I know that?Copy !req
489. It's such a beautiful instrument.Copy !req
490. So perfectly balanced.Copy !req
491. May I?Copy !req
492. Please.Copy !req
493. Hyah!Copy !req
494. Hyah!Copy !req
495. Hyah.Copy !req
496. Kabukiman-San Jo.Copy !req
497. Detective Griswold?Copy !req
498. Detective Griswold.Copy !req
499. Detective Griswold!Copy !req
500. Oh.Copy !req
501. Oh.Copy !req
502. Oh.Copy !req
503. I hope that wasn't expensive.Copy !req
504. Expensive?Copy !req
505. That vase costs just a little bit moreCopy !req
506. than you're likely to make... ever.Copy !req
507. I thoughtCopy !req
508. it was best I left things the wayCopy !req
509. they were with Reggie Stuart.Copy !req
510. Anyway, I had a very important
appointment with Connie LaRosa.Copy !req
511. It was my big chance to impress her.Copy !req
512. Yo, Gris.Copy !req
513. Lookin' good!Copy !req
514. Come on, I want to see you sweat.Copy !req
515. You do this to yourself every day?Copy !req
516. No, I usually run 10 miles.Copy !req
517. But today, since you're here,
I think we'll only do three.Copy !req
518. Besides, we should save
our energy for later.Copy !req
519. Later?Copy !req
520. Yeah, later.Copy !req
521. Connie?Copy !req
522. Yeah?Copy !req
523. I gotta stop now, or I'll die.Copy !req
524. Not bad, Gris.Copy !req
525. I expected you to boot two laps ago.Copy !req
526. You're an animal, LaRosa!Copy !req
527. An animal!Copy !req
528. I don't know, but if you're
after this Reverend Snipes guy,Copy !req
529. I almost pity the poor bastard.Copy !req
530. You know all those wonderful youth centersCopy !req
531. he's got set up all over town?Copy !req
532. Well, it just so happens that
he's using it as a frontCopy !req
533. for a major drug operation.Copy !req
534. And he's got this huge corporation Stuart.Copy !req
535. Pandex paying for whole thing!Copy !req
536. Stuart Pandex?Copy !req
537. As in Reginald Stuart?Copy !req
538. You know how Snipes passed himself offCopy !req
539. as this anti-establishment activist,Copy !req
540. like he's some kind of man of
the street, friend of the poor?Copy !req
541. Well, it just so happens that
he's a major shareholderCopy !req
542. in Stuart Pandex.Copy !req
543. And not only that, Harry, he
hasn't paid taxes in years!Copy !req
544. Hasn't paid taxes?Copy !req
545. He oughta run for mayor.Copy !req
546. I got enough to bust this
guy right now, Harry.Copy !req
547. I just got to put all the
information togetherCopy !req
548. for Bender.Copy !req
549. I'm going to make detective
for this one, Harry!Copy !req
550. You deserve it, Connie.Copy !req
551. You're a good cop.Copy !req
552. You think so, Harry?Copy !req
553. You know I do.Copy !req
554. Tonight.Copy !req
555. Thanks.Copy !req
556. I think I'll run a few more laps.Copy !req
557. You'll wait here for me?Copy !req
558. Knock yourself out.Copy !req
559. What kind of a detective was I?Copy !req
560. LaRosa was after Snipes, but
Snipes was going to get LaRosa.Copy !req
561. I should have been there for her.Copy !req
562. Hey, you!Copy !req
563. You!Copy !req
564. Haven't I seen you around
Reverend Snipes' youth center?Copy !req
565. Snooping around the boys?Copy !req
566. The boys just love spandex.Copy !req
567. Hey! What's the matter with you?Copy !req
568. I was just kidding, sweetheart.Copy !req
569. Get off!Copy !req
570. Enjoy your spandex!Copy !req
571. You just got yourself a whole
bunch of new boyfriends.Copy !req
572. Mm!Copy !req
573. Hey!Copy !req
574. Get the freaking bitch!Copy !req
575. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
576. Ah!Copy !req
577. Get off!Copy !req
578. Connie!Copy !req
579. Freeze!Copy !req
580. Police!Copy !req
581. Ooh!Copy !req
582. Hey, this guy's not normal.Copy !req
583. What the...?Copy !req
584. Ah!Copy !req
585. Ow!Copy !req
586. What the hell?Copy !req
587. Oh!Copy !req
588. Kabukiman-San Jo.Copy !req
589. Ow, shit.Copy !req
590. Hey!Copy !req
591. Who put that there?Copy !req
592. Die!Copy !req
593. We're gonna mess you up!Copy !req
594. You're dead meat!Copy !req
595. Yoohoo!Copy !req
596. Ah!Copy !req
597. Ah!Copy !req
598. Come on, man, let's go.Copy !req
599. Come on.Copy !req
600. One more time.Copy !req
601. Come on.Copy !req
602. Stop!Copy !req
603. He's innocent!Copy !req
604. Stay back!Copy !req
605. This is police business!Copy !req
606. Whoa!Copy !req
607. Oh!Copy !req
608. You're going down, faggot!Copy !req
609. Oh my god!Copy !req
610. He's using chopsticks!Copy !req
611. Suppose if he used knives and forks!Copy !req
612. You clumsy, carnival punk!Copy !req
613. What are you gonna do to me?Copy !req
614. A poor, defenseless woman, huh?Copy !req
615. A woman alone!Copy !req
616. And, besides, that
looks ridiculous!Copy !req
617. Sounds like my ex-wife.Copy !req
618. Oh, here, you want it?Copy !req
619. Here you go.Copy !req
620. Ooh!Copy !req
621. Ooh!Copy !req
622. Connie!Copy !req
623. Officer, don't bother taking notes.Copy !req
624. Only three people were killed.Copy !req
625. But I feel much safer in the park now.Copy !req
626. This guy in the bathrobe is a real hero.Copy !req
627. A real New York hero, huh?Copy !req
628. Yeah!Copy !req
629. Connie!Copy !req
630. Oof!Copy !req
631. I... I'm sorry.Copy !req
632. I shouldn't have let this happen.Copy !req
633. What are you doing here?Copy !req
634. Shh!Copy !req
635. - Freeze you two!
- Don't shoot!Copy !req
636. Stop! I'm a cop.Copy !req
637. I'm a cop.Copy !req
638. I have a badge.Copy !req
639. I'm Harry Griswold.Copy !req
640. Griswold?Copy !req
641. Hey, I heard about this guy
running around with make up on.Copy !req
642. All right, Griswold, let
me see your shield.Copy !req
643. What the?Copy !req
644. Oh.Copy !req
645. What... sorry.Copy !req
646. Slowly.Copy !req
647. Holy shit.Copy !req
648. It is Griswold.Copy !req
649. Yeah, that's the guy.Copy !req
650. He did it to us.Copy !req
651. Shut up, you weenie.Copy !req
652. Pig.Copy !req
653. Lotus
and I rode in the ambulanceCopy !req
654. with LaRosa but the doctors made us leaveCopy !req
655. and so Lotus and I decided to waitCopy !req
656. it out at an Italian
restaurant across the street.Copy !req
657. I was depressed, and I was confused,Copy !req
658. and I was turning Japanese.Copy !req
659. Here's your fish.Copy !req
660. What kind of a shmuck orders raw
fish at an Italian restaurant?Copy !req
661. I've been craving raw mackerel all day.Copy !req
662. I can't believe this.Copy !req
663. I'm eating a smelly, dead
fish and I'm loving it.Copy !req
664. Are you so blind you cannot
see the changes in yourself?Copy !req
665. Detective?Copy !req
666. Soon the dragon will dance
through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
667. If at that moment the
monkey will ride the JaguarCopy !req
668. and the tiger will feast on the new bileCopy !req
669. the order of the universe will
be such that the evil one willCopy !req
670. reign Supreme for eternity.Copy !req
671. There are only a few days left.Copy !req
672. Oh, oh, my.Copy !req
673. And I haven't even started shopping yet.Copy !req
674. The chosen one who was killed
to train for 25 years.Copy !req
675. If we do not begin to try
and master your powersCopy !req
676. there will be no champion
to oppose the evil one.Copy !req
677. Champion?Copy !req
678. What is this champion stuff?Copy !req
679. I'm sorry they didn't have the championCopy !req
680. course at the police academy.Copy !req
681. I'm just a gun and badge man.Copy !req
682. You do not have a choice in the matter.Copy !req
683. Fate has selected you.Copy !req
684. You are the Kabukiman.Copy !req
685. It is your duty.Copy !req
686. A New York City police womanCopy !req
687. was brutally raped and
beaten in the Central.Copy !req
688. Park wildling incident.Copy !req
689. We now take you live to Reverend Snipes,Copy !req
690. outspoken community leader.Copy !req
691. What is it?Copy !req
692. I'm an angry man tonight.Copy !req
693. And I hope I'm not alone in my anger.Copy !req
694. When mere children are persecutedCopy !req
695. for youthful indiscretions
as though they are hardenedCopy !req
696. criminals, it makes me angry.Copy !req
697. The media circus that's been generatedCopy !req
698. by this minor incident makes me angry.Copy !req
699. You know, and I know, that
your television camerasCopy !req
700. and your newspaper reporters
would be nowhere in sightCopy !req
701. if those involved had been the childrenCopy !req
702. of privilege instead of these
innocent victims of poverty.Copy !req
703. Why do we have out the deadly
transvestite, detective?Copy !req
704. The sadist that will strike back.Copy !req
705. Publicity hungry, jackass.Copy !req
706. He's more trouble than he's worth.Copy !req
707. I never should have given
him the assignment.Copy !req
708. I told you to let me handle it.Copy !req
709. You were right.Copy !req
710. Rembrandt's always right.Copy !req
711. Rembrandt, I want you
to insert yourself muchCopy !req
712. more deeply into the situation.Copy !req
713. That policewoman does not
live through the night.Copy !req
714. You understand?Copy !req
715. Yes, sir.Copy !req
716. Rembrandt, this time be
a little less artistic.Copy !req
717. Just make it look like
a simple accident, OK?Copy !req
718. Gee, officer
LaRosa, It's such a shameCopy !req
719. that the hospitals going
to make a slight mistakeCopy !req
720. with your dosage.Copy !req
721. Goodbye, officer LaRosa.Copy !req
722. Well excuse me, doctor.Copy !req
723. You're too important to
speak to a lowly nurse.Copy !req
724. Boy, that burns me down.Copy !req
725. Well, dear, it's time for you aspirin.Copy !req
726. Gee, I guess you're not doing
as well as I thought you were.Copy !req
727. My goodness, that's a lot of
morphine the doctor prescribed.Copy !req
728. Oh well, doctor knows best.Copy !req
729. Yes, dear, I know you're in a lot of pain.Copy !req
730. But you're going to be
all right in a minute.Copy !req
731. Doctor Hotch?Copy !req
732. Attention doctors, tickets
to the medicaid ballCopy !req
733. go on sale Tuesday.Copy !req
734. Holy shit.Copy !req
735. Come blue, trauma team.Copy !req
736. - Room 232.
- LaRosa?Copy !req
737. LaRosa's room, where is it?Copy !req
738. No visitors.Copy !req
739. What do you mean no visitors?Copy !req
740. Wait a minute.Copy !req
741. It wasn't my fault.
I was watching TVCopy !req
742. and then they just came in
and I picked up the job.Copy !req
743. You were supposed to give her aspirin.Copy !req
744. Look what you did to here.Copy !req
745. I did what I was supposed to do.Copy !req
746. You killed her.Copy !req
747. I was watching TV, I picked up the chart.Copy !req
748. She had a headache. Now she's dead.Copy !req
749. There was adjustments.
What happened?Copy !req
750. And then I just followed orders.Copy !req
751. You're going to be in big trouble.Copy !req
752. This is going to go on
your permanent record.Copy !req
753. Oh no, don't let it ruin my career.Copy !req
754. It was an accident.Copy !req
755. I'm sorry, sir.Copy !req
756. Connie?Copy !req
757. I'm telling you, Dick.Copy !req
758. LaRosa was murdered.Copy !req
759. She was murdered.Copy !req
760. I saw him in the hospital.Copy !req
761. The same guy I saw shoot up the theater.Copy !req
762. And I told you, Griswold,
the theater case is closed.Copy !req
763. Come on, Dick.Copy !req
764. Wake up.Copy !req
765. Something stinks here.Copy !req
766. All right, first this Reginald
Stewart guy just hands usCopy !req
767. this supposed theater killer.Copy !req
768. Then Reverend Snipes, who
LaRosa was investigating,Copy !req
769. bails out the gang that attacked LaRosa.Copy !req
770. And then the hospital
just happens to mix up.Copy !req
771. LaRosa's charts and kills her?Copy !req
772. I'm telling you, Dick.Copy !req
773. The guy who shot the theater
is the guy who killed LaRosa.Copy !req
774. And somehow Stuart and Snipes are involved.Copy !req
775. Cut the crap, Griswold.Copy !req
776. You're not fooling anybody
because you stuckCopy !req
777. to being a cop instead of dancingCopy !req
778. around in your fairy suit none
of this would have happened.Copy !req
779. LaRosa's dead because of you, asshole.Copy !req
780. Cut it out.Copy !req
781. Cut it out.Copy !req
782. Cut it out.Copy !req
783. Now look, we're all upset about Connie.Copy !req
784. Yesterday the commissioner calls
me to take a bite out of my assCopy !req
785. the size of Brooklyn because one of my menCopy !req
786. is running around harassing
Reginald Stewart.Copy !req
787. Look I've got newspapers all over my assCopy !req
788. about a vigilante cop.Copy !req
789. This is it, Harry.Copy !req
790. This is the last warning.Copy !req
791. There will be no more make
up, no more of kimonos,Copy !req
792. and no more chop sticks.Copy !req
793. So you're just going to leave Snipes alone.Copy !req
794. Harry?Copy !req
795. Harry get the hell out.Copy !req
796. Get the hell out.Copy !req
797. Get the hell out.Copy !req
798. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
799. Something had to be done.Copy !req
800. Snipes had to be dealt with.Copy !req
801. Brothers and sisters.Copy !req
802. Brothers and sisters, let me here an amen.Copy !req
803. Amen.Copy !req
804. Hallelujah.Copy !req
805. The good Lord
thanks you for your generosity.Copy !req
806. Preach the word.Copy !req
807. Your money will help pay
for the legal defenseCopy !req
808. of these innocent young victims
of the wealthy elite whoCopy !req
809. run this city.Copy !req
810. Now I'm not going to ask you whereCopy !req
811. you got all those watches
and jewelry that you soCopy !req
812. generously gave to our church.Copy !req
813. Boy, this stuff is coming in hot and heavy.Copy !req
814. And there's plenty more out there.Copy !req
815. Let me hear an amen.Copy !req
816. Amen.Copy !req
817. We must be strong against
the scourge of crime.Copy !req
818. Hallelujah.Copy !req
819. We must be strong against
the scourge of racists.Copy !req
820. But most of all we must be
strong against the scourgeCopy !req
821. of drugs.Copy !req
822. Tell the word of God.Copy !req
823. Beware the dealers of drugs
for they are everywhere.Copy !req
824. Why some of those vultures are
standing across the streetCopy !req
825. peddling their poison even now.Copy !req
826. In fact, one of them is
wearing a big red hat.Copy !req
827. Red like the devil.Copy !req
828. You can't miss him.Copy !req
829. Reverend?Copy !req
830. Sergeant Harry Griswold.Copy !req
831. I want to ask you some questions.Copy !req
832. My people have been harassed
enough by you and your stormCopy !req
833. trooper detectives.Copy !req
834. I have nothing to say.Copy !req
835. Well then I'll talk, because I
think it's pretty damn strangeCopy !req
836. that these maggots you're defendingCopy !req
837. attacked a police officer
that was investigating you.Copy !req
838. And now she's dead.Copy !req
839. How dare you come into my...
I mean, the Lord's house,Copy !req
840. and accuse me.Copy !req
841. I have more lawyers than
you got fingers, Junior.Copy !req
842. Sure you're upset over the accidental deathCopy !req
843. of a fellow officer.Copy !req
844. I understand.Copy !req
845. But from what I hear, she
was dressed pretty hot.Copy !req
846. Maybe she was in the park lookingCopy !req
847. for little action, detective.Copy !req
848. Ah!Copy !req
849. Stay back.Copy !req
850. I can't be responsible for
what's going to happen.Copy !req
851. Oh, that's it.Copy !req
852. Kabuki spirit?Copy !req
853. Come on down.Copy !req
854. Stay back.Copy !req
855. He's turning into that guy in
the striped bathrobe again.Copy !req
856. Ah!Copy !req
857. All right.Copy !req
858. Nobody move.Copy !req
859. Watch him there.Copy !req
860. He's crazy.Copy !req
861. You bastard!Copy !req
862. You killed LaRosa.Copy !req
863. Now I'm going to get you.Copy !req
864. Don't kill me.Copy !req
865. I'll give you anything you want.Copy !req
866. I'll give you drugs.Copy !req
867. I'll give you women.Copy !req
868. I'll give you my season
tickets to the Giants.Copy !req
869. What do you want?Copy !req
870. I want you!Copy !req
871. Quit clowning with us, Asshole.Copy !req
872. I'm warning you.Copy !req
873. I'll use my chopsticks.Copy !req
874. Where did the clown go?Copy !req
875. Police emergency, kid.Copy !req
876. I need to commandeer this vehicle.Copy !req
877. Now.Copy !req
878. Here.Copy !req
879. Shut up and stop punching me.Copy !req
880. Come on!Copy !req
881. Oh my!Copy !req
882. No!Copy !req
883. Lord!Copy !req
884. What the hell are you doing, boys?Copy !req
885. Hey, what's the matter with you?Copy !req
886. Oh, the tricycle.Copy !req
887. Unicycle?Copy !req
888. This will do.Copy !req
889. Excuse me.Copy !req
890. Pardon me. Pardon me.Copy !req
891. Excuse me. Pardon me.Copy !req
892. Pardon me.Copy !req
893. Excuse me.Copy !req
894. Excuse me.Copy !req
895. Excuse me.Copy !req
896. Get out of the way.Copy !req
897. Get out.Copy !req
898. Oh, my God.Copy !req
899. Look out.Copy !req
900. Oh, my God.Copy !req
901. Shut up, lady.Copy !req
902. He's in the alley.Copy !req
903. Cut him off.Copy !req
904. Woh!Copy !req
905. Kids, cheer up.Copy !req
906. Coco the clown will be here any minute.Copy !req
907. I payed full price in advance.Copy !req
908. I know he's coming.Copy !req
909. So cheer up.Copy !req
910. Come on, kids.Copy !req
911. Bring your gun.Copy !req
912. You see this cute, little thing?Copy !req
913. Come on now.Copy !req
914. Look!Copy !req
915. I payed a lot of money for
these noise makers, you guys.Copy !req
916. That stupid clown was supposed
to be here a half an hour ago.Copy !req
917. I knew I should have used Mr.
Stella the magician.Copy !req
918. Look, look, here he comes.Copy !req
919. Well at least he's hurrying.Copy !req
920. Kids!Copy !req
921. Kids, it's clown.Copy !req
922. Kids, look.Copy !req
923. I hate clowns.Copy !req
924. You're going to have some fun.Copy !req
925. Nancy Nicerson said that
when you first got hereCopy !req
926. you would do your act next
to the little birthday girl.Copy !req
927. And that you would bring out the
toy and poodle Now I don't...Copy !req
928. Happy Birthday!Copy !req
929. Awesome party!Copy !req
930. Where did you get all the guns?Copy !req
931. Wait a minute.Copy !req
932. I don't have my safety belt on.Copy !req
933. Come on with that, you weenie.Copy !req
934. Stop!Copy !req
935. In the name of the law.Copy !req
936. There's a clown on the windshield.Copy !req
937. Do something about it.Copy !req
938. Woh!Copy !req
939. Get rid of him.Copy !req
940. We can't see.Copy !req
941. Come on.Copy !req
942. Swerve.Copy !req
943. Woh!Copy !req
944. Get off!Copy !req
945. Get rid of him!Copy !req
946. Get off!Copy !req
947. Good to see you, Captain Bender.Copy !req
948. And I hope they catch the bastardsCopy !req
949. that stole your three shirts.Copy !req
950. Well that's four shirts.Copy !req
951. But don't worry about it, Herb.Copy !req
952. I got my best man on it, Harry Griswold.Copy !req
953. Pull it over.Copy !req
954. He wants you to pull it over.Copy !req
955. You know, pull it over.Copy !req
956. Yeah, I'll take care of the bozo.Copy !req
957. Woh!Copy !req
958. He's still there.Copy !req
959. Do something.Copy !req
960. Oh no!Copy !req
961. He's using silly string.Copy !req
962. Now we really can't see!Copy !req
963. Once again, thank you very much.Copy !req
964. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
965. Get him off.Copy !req
966. Whoa.Copy !req
967. Get him.Copy !req
968. I can't see.Copy !req
969. Take care.Copy !req
970. Have a good day.Copy !req
971. Look what you
made me do, you weenie.Copy !req
972. What did you do to the care, you weenie?Copy !req
973. You're the driver.Copy !req
974. Cops.Copy !req
975. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
976. Good thing I had my safety belt on.Copy !req
977. Oh my head.Copy !req
978. Oh, God.Copy !req
979. What is this?Copy !req
980. What the Hell?Copy !req
981. Oh, God.Copy !req
982. What did you do to me?Copy !req
983. Mr. Goldberg?Copy !req
984. Detective Harry Griswold.Copy !req
985. I need to ask you a few questionsCopy !req
986. about the shirt robberies.Copy !req
987. Now where the shirts in
boxes or on hangers?Copy !req
988. Or?Copy !req
989. Freeze.Copy !req
990. Don't shoot. Don't shoot.Copy !req
991. It's me.Copy !req
992. It's me, Harry Griswold.Copy !req
993. Harry Griswold?Copy !req
994. I know Harry.Copy !req
995. I said... Holy shit.Copy !req
996. It is Griswold.Copy !req
997. Griswold what the hell are you doing here?Copy !req
998. What did you do?Copy !req
999. I'm innocent.Copy !req
1000. I didn't... I didn't do it.Copy !req
1001. Nice dissolve, huh?Copy !req
1002. Harry, you're suspended.Copy !req
1003. Suspended?Copy !req
1004. Look, Harry.Copy !req
1005. Look, I tried to warn you.Copy !req
1006. But this clown thing is the last straw.Copy !req
1007. I've got Snipes pressing
charges against you.Copy !req
1008. These damn matches.Copy !req
1009. Thank you.Copy !req
1010. Let me help you, Captain.Copy !req
1011. Not to mention a kid who tells
me that you stole his tricycle.Copy !req
1012. Reginald Stuart is bent out of shape.Copy !req
1013. The newspapers are using you
to make a laughingstockCopy !req
1014. of the entire force.Copy !req
1015. Turn that damn thing off.Copy !req
1016. But Snipes?Copy !req
1017. Forget him.Copy !req
1018. Harry, forget about Snipes.Copy !req
1019. Look, you know if it was up to
me I'd give you another chance.Copy !req
1020. I'd give you another shot.Copy !req
1021. But the words coming down
from the top this time,Copy !req
1022. and... give me your gun
and give me you shield.Copy !req
1023. Give this thing a chance to cool down, OK?Copy !req
1024. I'm sorry, Harry.Copy !req
1025. OK, so
things had gotten out of hand.Copy !req
1026. There was only one thing
left to do, go see Lotus.Copy !req
1027. I figured maybe she could
turn things around for me.Copy !req
1028. I didn't notice you had a butler.Copy !req
1029. Excuse me?Copy !req
1030. Howdy.Copy !req
1031. How are you doing?Copy !req
1032. Listen, I'm sorry about my behavior before.Copy !req
1033. You're right.Copy !req
1034. I do need to learn how to
control whatever this thingCopy !req
1035. that's happening to me is.Copy !req
1036. Oh, look, all gone.Copy !req
1037. Yummy worms.Copy !req
1038. Tasted just like chicken.Copy !req
1039. So what's with the monkey?Copy !req
1040. His name is Toyota.Copy !req
1041. He was born in the backseat of a 2000 ZT.Copy !req
1042. I like a dog face monkey
that has an appreciationCopy !req
1043. for expensive sports cars.Copy !req
1044. Please remove your shoes and Toyota willCopy !req
1045. bring you a change of clothing.Copy !req
1046. Clothing What size?Copy !req
1047. Please join me in meditation.Copy !req
1048. Oh, yeah, well all right.Copy !req
1049. All right.Copy !req
1050. OK.Copy !req
1051. Whoa.Copy !req
1052. Oh!Copy !req
1053. This is kind of a rush.Copy !req
1054. Please close your eyes and
concentrate, detective.Copy !req
1055. Ohm.Copy !req
1056. She'll be coming
around the mountainCopy !req
1057. when she comes.Copy !req
1058. When she comes.Copy !req
1059. She'll be coming around the
mountain when she comes.Copy !req
1060. She'll be coming around the mountainCopy !req
1061. when... oh, a little foot massage?Copy !req
1062. Very nice.Copy !req
1063. You know, your hands feel a little rough.Copy !req
1064. Sort of like rope.Copy !req
1065. Hey.Copy !req
1066. Hey, what are you doing.Copy !req
1067. Hey!Copy !req
1068. Let me down.Copy !req
1069. It is important that we
establish an effective teacherCopy !req
1070. pupil relationship.Copy !req
1071. If we had more time we could buildCopy !req
1072. the foundations of the relationshipCopy !req
1073. on mutual respect and trust.Copy !req
1074. As it is, it will be easier
to work with fear and pain.Copy !req
1075. Hee-Yah!Copy !req
1076. What the hell did you do that for?Copy !req
1077. To get your attention.Copy !req
1078. Your first lesson will
develop your patience,Copy !req
1079. concentration, and endurance.Copy !req
1080. Now I want you to separate the riceCopy !req
1081. into brown, white, and yellow pilesCopy !req
1082. and then count every grain.Copy !req
1083. Are you out of you mind?Copy !req
1084. Cut me down from here right now.Copy !req
1085. Ee-ha!Copy !req
1086. Please begin to separate and
count the rice, detective.Copy !req
1087. The bamboo can withstand more
blows than your nether regions.Copy !req
1088. All right. All right.Copy !req
1089. OK.Copy !req
1090. OK.Copy !req
1091. Oh, all right.Copy !req
1092. One white grain.Copy !req
1093. One yellow grain.Copy !req
1094. One brown grain.Copy !req
1095. Two white grain.Copy !req
1096. Grains of yellow rice.Copy !req
1097. And 1,846 grains of brown rice.Copy !req
1098. Very good.Copy !req
1099. That only took you five hours.Copy !req
1100. Concentration and focus
are the key to harnessingCopy !req
1101. your Kabukiman powers.Copy !req
1102. Now let's see if you can
do it in three hours.Copy !req
1103. Look, I told you I am aching all over.Copy !req
1104. I got a headache this big.Copy !req
1105. I can't imagine why.Copy !req
1106. My nether regions are
somewhere in South Jersey.Copy !req
1107. And on top of that you
ruined my appetite for rice.Copy !req
1108. I'm going home!Copy !req
1109. But we must complete your training.Copy !req
1110. Lady, off of me, OK?Copy !req
1111. Look you're not thrilled
about me being your Kabuki,Copy !req
1112. whatever, well I'm not that
thrilled about it myself.Copy !req
1113. I'm afraid you don't understand.Copy !req
1114. The evil one will soon know
who you are, if he does notCopy !req
1115. already.Copy !req
1116. If you are not prepared by
the time the Dragon gets...Copy !req
1117. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1118. And the monkey's and the jaguar's willCopy !req
1119. jump rope and go to brunch.Copy !req
1120. Could you just once say somethingCopy !req
1121. that doesn't sound like you
just flew in from Pluto.Copy !req
1122. Clearly you have no comprehensionCopy !req
1123. of the scope of your mission.Copy !req
1124. The evil one never sleeps.Copy !req
1125. You must be ready for
an attack at any time.Copy !req
1126. Oh, I'm ready to attack my pillow.Copy !req
1127. I have tried in vain reason
with you, Japanese style.Copy !req
1128. Now I must resort to American style Hee-ya!Copy !req
1129. I'm warning you.Copy !req
1130. I don't want to have to hit you.Copy !req
1131. That's it.Copy !req
1132. I'm sorry. I...Copy !req
1133. Hi-ya!Copy !req
1134. The way to a man's brain is
through his nether regions.Copy !req
1135. You win.Copy !req
1136. I don't get my jollies
beating up women, you know?Copy !req
1137. All right, I'll do what you want.Copy !req
1138. Very well.Copy !req
1139. Kabuki tradition.Copy !req
1140. American tradition, one for good luck.Copy !req
1141. Our revels now our ended.Copy !req
1142. The time is almost upon us.Copy !req
1143. Soon there will be no stopping us.Copy !req
1144. But in the meantime, we
must be very, very careful.Copy !req
1145. The first thing we must do is to moveCopy !req
1146. everything out of the church.Copy !req
1147. Now I know this cop, Griswold,
has been suspended,Copy !req
1148. but I've dealt with his
type many time before.Copy !req
1149. He will never, never leave us alone.Copy !req
1150. Griswold must be eliminated.Copy !req
1151. Everyone associated with
Griswold must be eliminated.Copy !req
1152. Then, and only then, will
everything be in order.Copy !req
1153. Only then will we emerge triumphant.Copy !req
1154. Kabukiman's spiritual powers comeCopy !req
1155. from mastering the haiku's.Copy !req
1156. What's that?Copy !req
1157. Karate?Copy !req
1158. No, it's a classical form
of Japanese poetry, you turkey.Copy !req
1159. Please read the haiku on the first page.Copy !req
1160. Cherry = on the hill, when
singing to blossoms my soulCopy !req
1161. is called home.Copy !req
1162. You will achieve harmony of the bodyCopy !req
1163. and mind by mastering the
simple, yet perfect form.Copy !req
1164. You know, I couldn't help but
notice when we were beatingCopy !req
1165. the crap out of each other that
you have a simple yet perfectCopy !req
1166. form yourself.Copy !req
1167. Please, we do not have time flirtation.Copy !req
1168. The haiku, Harry.Copy !req
1169. You called me Harry.Copy !req
1170. Please, the haiku, concentrate.Copy !req
1171. Cherry tree on hill, wind
singing to the blossoms,Copy !req
1172. my soul is called home.Copy !req
1173. Cherry tree on hill, wind
singing to the blossoms,Copy !req
1174. my soul is called home.Copy !req
1175. Cherry tree on hill, wind
singing to the blossoms,Copy !req
1176. my soul is called home.Copy !req
1177. Cherry tree on hill, wind
singing to the blossoms,Copy !req
1178. my soul is called home.Copy !req
1179. Cherry tree on hill,
singing to the blossoms,Copy !req
1180. my soul is called home.Copy !req
1181. There you go, buddy.Copy !req
1182. Get yourself a cup of coffee.Copy !req
1183. Well done.Copy !req
1184. Now you must learn to understand
and control your powers.Copy !req
1185. Look around you.Copy !req
1186. What do you see?Copy !req
1187. I see... I see crime.Copy !req
1188. I see poverty.Copy !req
1189. I see evil everywhere.Copy !req
1190. I see a power elite of corporate moneyCopy !req
1191. mongers controlling our brains
and our destiny's while theyCopy !req
1192. dismantle the sacred foundations
of the bill of rights.Copy !req
1193. Oh, say can you see!Copy !req
1194. I think we have work to do.Copy !req
1195. Come on.Copy !req
1196. Whoa.Copy !req
1197. My pursuit of truth, justiceCopy !req
1198. and the kabuki way had begone.Copy !req
1199. Tell all you congressman
friends that if they meddleCopy !req
1200. with the National Endowment for the ArtsCopy !req
1201. they'll have me, Kabukiman, to deal with.Copy !req
1202. So you pimps and hookers
want to roll in the hay?Copy !req
1203. Well how about a sushi roll?Copy !req
1204. Oh, my God!Copy !req
1205. Isn't it gorgeous? It's lovely.Copy !req
1206. I can't get enough of it.Copy !req
1207. Don't touch it.Copy !req
1208. Ooh, let me play with it.Copy !req
1209. Come on.Copy !req
1210. Get moving.Copy !req
1211. The boss wants his stuff moved
to the Steward Pandex stocksCopy !req
1212. in Tromaville.Copy !req
1213. You got the lion's cage?Copy !req
1214. Banana's for the monkey?Copy !req
1215. After morning of crimeCopy !req
1216. fighting I like to come
home to a nice lunchCopy !req
1217. of fresh sea urchin, you know?Copy !req
1218. Please excuse the mess.Copy !req
1219. It looks like a bomb hit it.Copy !req
1220. Lotus?Copy !req
1221. Lotus?Copy !req
1222. Are you all right?Copy !req
1223. That's it.Copy !req
1224. First LaRosa, now you almost got killed.Copy !req
1225. You may think I'm a champion of
good for the whole universe,Copy !req
1226. but this is something that I have to takeCopy !req
1227. care of for me, Harry Griswold.Copy !req
1228. Harry, watch out!Copy !req
1229. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
1230. Thank you.Copy !req
1231. You're such a weenie.Copy !req
1232. Can't you be around me without touching me?Copy !req
1233. Hello, you weenie.Copy !req
1234. Stop touching me!Copy !req
1235. That's the crazy cop dude with chopsticks.Copy !req
1236. No! No!Copy !req
1237. No!Copy !req
1238. Where is Snipes?Copy !req
1239. Who are you?Copy !req
1240. I'm Kabukiman.Copy !req
1241. It's Jughead, he's in trouble.Copy !req
1242. What has that weenie got himself into?Copy !req
1243. Watch the truck.Copy !req
1244. You guys come on.Copy !req
1245. Smile, you're on Kabuki camera.Copy !req
1246. Oh no.Copy !req
1247. I guess I am a weenie after all.Copy !req
1248. It's over, Kabukiman.Copy !req
1249. I'm sure your fans will
be a little disappointed.Copy !req
1250. It's cocktail hour.Copy !req
1251. I hope you like Molotov.Copy !req
1252. Get him!Copy !req
1253. The score is two
zip, but you're mine now.Copy !req
1254. Jump!Copy !req
1255. Jump?Copy !req
1256. Go ahead.Copy !req
1257. Jump!Copy !req
1258. What are you nuts?Copy !req
1259. What are you afraid of?Copy !req
1260. Breaking my neck.Copy !req
1261. Don't be such a sissy.Copy !req
1262. I'm not a sissy.Copy !req
1263. I'm scared of heights, all right?Copy !req
1264. Look Kabukiman has the power to fly.Copy !req
1265. But a grenade in the stomach?Copy !req
1266. I'm not so sure.Copy !req
1267. All right!Copy !req
1268. Fly slowly.Copy !req
1269. You do not have your super
hero learners permit yet.Copy !req
1270. We got winds coming in from the North.Copy !req
1271. Barometric pressure rising.Copy !req
1272. Oh, foggy conditions ahead.Copy !req
1273. So, counselor, by cutting a deal with youCopy !req
1274. my sleazy client, who
we both know is guilty,Copy !req
1275. walks away Scot-free.Copy !req
1276. Probably to kill again, but
not in our neighborhood.Copy !req
1277. I don't feel very good.Copy !req
1278. What's wrong?Copy !req
1279. I've never flown before.Copy !req
1280. I usually take the train.Copy !req
1281. Once again we both profit
at society's expense.Copy !req
1282. You're not going to be ill, are you?Copy !req
1283. No, no.Copy !req
1284. No, no.Copy !req
1285. Well, counselor, I guess lunch
at the bar association is off.Copy !req
1286. I guess I had a little too
much sea urchin for lunch.Copy !req
1287. Since my
flight prematurely departed.Copy !req
1288. I thought I'd drop Lotus off
and head back to the churchCopy !req
1289. to pick up another passenger.Copy !req
1290. Let me see.Copy !req
1291. I got to pick up my airplane ticket.Copy !req
1292. I got my passport.Copy !req
1293. And I'm getting the hell out of here.Copy !req
1294. Going somewhere, Reverend?Copy !req
1295. Let me go!Copy !req
1296. Let me go!Copy !req
1297. Please, let me go!Copy !req
1298. I'll do anything you want.Copy !req
1299. Anything!Copy !req
1300. What's the matter with you?Copy !req
1301. Are you crazy?Copy !req
1302. Help me!Copy !req
1303. He's crazy!Copy !req
1304. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
1305. I don't know anything.Copy !req
1306. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
1307. See that over there?Copy !req
1308. It's the beautiful empire state building.Copy !req
1309. And if I were to drop you over that pointCopy !req
1310. just right you would get a
crash course in proctology.Copy !req
1311. You don't start talking I'm goingCopy !req
1312. to make yakitori out of you.Copy !req
1313. Get my point, Snipes?Copy !req
1314. All right.Copy !req
1315. All right.Copy !req
1316. I'll talk.Copy !req
1317. Reginald Stuart, he's the one you want.Copy !req
1318. He's the one who got that
lady cop killed, not me.Copy !req
1319. It was Reginald Stuart.Copy !req
1320. Snipes confessed everything.Copy !req
1321. I wish you could have
seen the look on his faceCopy !req
1322. when I had him hanging over
the Empire State Building.Copy !req
1323. Anyway, I've got it all here on tape.Copy !req
1324. There's enough here to put him
and Stuart away for life.Copy !req
1325. That is wonderful.Copy !req
1326. You have done so well in such a short time.Copy !req
1327. The evil one must be fearful of you.Copy !req
1328. It's only because if you.Copy !req
1329. Without you around my powers are useless.Copy !req
1330. You are the champion, Harry.Copy !req
1331. Not I. To you and Kabukiman.Copy !req
1332. Kabukiman-San Jo.Copy !req
1333. I'll be back.Copy !req
1334. I'm taking this to the cops.Copy !req
1335. Whoa.Copy !req
1336. Z Morning Zoo.Copy !req
1337. Ross Britten of the zoo crew.Copy !req
1338. Coach Mike you had a
special astronomy alert?Copy !req
1339. Yeah, good newsCopy !req
1340. for the star watchers.Copy !req
1341. Tonight there will be a very
rare celestial occurrence.Copy !req
1342. The Draconus Hoopus will be
visible for the the first timeCopy !req
1343. in a thousand years.Copy !req
1344. Hey, Mario, turn that
radio off and get your gun.Copy !req
1345. The boss is coming.Copy !req
1346. Mr. Stuart we're all ready.Copy !req
1347. We got the tiger and we haven't fed him.Copy !req
1348. Just like you said.Copy !req
1349. We're taking him out for exerciseCopy !req
1350. to make him even hungrier.Copy !req
1351. Good.Copy !req
1352. He's good and hungry.Copy !req
1353. And what have we in this cage?Copy !req
1354. Now this is the jaguar
and he's been trained to haveCopy !req
1355. a monkey ride on his back.Copy !req
1356. OK, well now, as for the monkey, weCopy !req
1357. tried to get a regular
monkey but this lemurCopy !req
1358. is the only kind of monkey
that can ride side saddle.Copy !req
1359. Ok. A lemur
is in the monkey family.Copy !req
1360. And soon the dragon will dance
through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
1361. Whoa!Copy !req
1362. I thought I left that open.Copy !req
1363. Huh?Copy !req
1364. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
1365. Hi, honey.Copy !req
1366. I missed you.Copy !req
1367. My hair!Copy !req
1368. What have you done with Lotus?Copy !req
1369. By now your new bile,
little friend is beingCopy !req
1370. seasoned for the tiger's feast.Copy !req
1371. You're getting weaker
without her, Kabukipig.Copy !req
1372. Faggot super hero.Copy !req
1373. Your powers are useless
without a woman's love.Copy !req
1374. All you need is love.Copy !req
1375. What are you going to do
now, Detective Griswold?Copy !req
1376. What any good cop would do.Copy !req
1377. You're not going to shoot me are you?Copy !req
1378. You're under arrest.Copy !req
1379. You have the right to remain silent.Copy !req
1380. Anything you say can and
will be used against youCopy !req
1381. in the court of law.Copy !req
1382. You have the right to an attorney.Copy !req
1383. Or an undertaker.Copy !req
1384. Oh, Lotus.Copy !req
1385. I can't seem to do it without her.Copy !req
1386. Power?Copy !req
1387. Lotus?Copy !req
1388. Its OK, pal, we'll find Lotus.Copy !req
1389. LOTUS.Copy !req
1390. Oh, you got a suggestion?Copy !req
1391. What do you... what do you got there?Copy !req
1392. What?Copy !req
1393. Come on.Copy !req
1394. Let's go.Copy !req
1395. Come on.Copy !req
1396. You sure she's in here?Copy !req
1397. You better not be sending
me on a wild goose chaise.Copy !req
1398. This better not be a banana
factory or you're dog meat.Copy !req
1399. I'm here walking around
with a monkey on my back.Copy !req
1400. I don't believe this.Copy !req
1401. All right, we're going in there.Copy !req
1402. Car!Copy !req
1403. Yeah, we'll hide here.Copy !req
1404. Ooh, she's dressed pretty hot.Copy !req
1405. Is the tiger ready?Copy !req
1406. Easy boy.Copy !req
1407. Dinner will be served very soon
, you hungry little tiger.Copy !req
1408. Bring the new bile.Copy !req
1409. Soon it will be time.Copy !req
1410. No!Copy !req
1411. New bile.Copy !req
1412. Tie her up.Copy !req
1413. Tie her up.Copy !req
1414. That's fine.Copy !req
1415. Thank you very much.Copy !req
1416. So Lotus, we meet at last.Copy !req
1417. And let me say, my dear, that
you are twice as beautifulCopy !req
1418. as I thought you'd be.Copy !req
1419. As you know, dear.Copy !req
1420. Today marks the end of Mercury's journey.Copy !req
1421. In just a few short moment the dragon willCopy !req
1422. dance through the hoop of Jupiter,Copy !req
1423. the monkey will ride the jaguar.Copy !req
1424. And how does the rest that legend go?Copy !req
1425. Aw, yes.Copy !req
1426. The tiger will feast on the new bile.Copy !req
1427. And let me tell you, dear.Copy !req
1428. They don't come much
more new bile than you.Copy !req
1429. You bitch.Copy !req
1430. You'll get yours.Copy !req
1431. Hey, Jack, getting ready
for the tiger's feast.Copy !req
1432. I hear you have been trying
to instruct this detective.Copy !req
1433. Griswold in how to assume the
powers of the great Kabukiman.Copy !req
1434. It was a nice try, darling.Copy !req
1435. But Detective Griswold is dead.Copy !req
1436. That's right.Copy !req
1437. My Rembrandt never fails.Copy !req
1438. He is an artist of death.Copy !req
1439. Toyota, get the gun.Copy !req
1440. Detective Griswold was nothing
but a clumsy, cheap, low payedCopy !req
1441. detective in a $9.00 suit.Copy !req
1442. You know how to use one of these?Copy !req
1443. Take this with you.Copy !req
1444. All right.Copy !req
1445. There's a couple of gorillas out there.Copy !req
1446. I want you to go around back,
you get the two out there.Copy !req
1447. I'm going to go this way.Copy !req
1448. All right?Copy !req
1449. Harry.Copy !req
1450. Oh, get them, Harry.Copy !req
1451. Oh, get them, Harry.Copy !req
1452. Oh.Copy !req
1453. Oh.Copy !req
1454. Harry.Copy !req
1455. You're alive!Copy !req
1456. Harry!Copy !req
1457. Harry.Copy !req
1458. Oh, Harry.Copy !req
1459. Lotus, are you all right?Copy !req
1460. Wait a minute, guy.Copy !req
1461. I've got something you're going to love.Copy !req
1462. Hurry up.Copy !req
1463. Give it to me.Copy !req
1464. Give it to me.Copy !req
1465. I'm out of bullets.Copy !req
1466. Shows over, Kabukiman.Copy !req
1467. Stuart.Copy !req
1468. Don't think about it.Copy !req
1469. Put your hands up slowly.Copy !req
1470. Slowly.Copy !req
1471. Put them up.Copy !req
1472. Joseph Hernandez.Copy !req
1473. Let's go to work with your car
Joseph's put that garment downCopy !req
1474. and get the handcuffs on him.Copy !req
1475. Harry?Copy !req
1476. You all right?Copy !req
1477. We got everything we need to
put Snipes and Stuart away.Copy !req
1478. You did good work.Copy !req
1479. All right, up against the fence.Copy !req
1480. You have the right to remain silent.Copy !req
1481. What the hell?Copy !req
1482. Get the tiger.Copy !req
1483. We'll use Felicia.Copy !req
1484. She's even more new bile. She'll work.Copy !req
1485. Let the feast begin.Copy !req
1486. No!Copy !req
1487. No!Copy !req
1488. No!Copy !req
1489. It has begun.Copy !req
1490. The tiger feast on the new bile.Copy !req
1491. It has begun.Copy !req
1492. The time has come.Copy !req
1493. My time has come.Copy !req
1494. The evil one.Copy !req
1495. Harry!Copy !req
1496. Harry.Copy !req
1497. Harry?Copy !req
1498. Harry!Copy !req
1499. I think the new bile fulfilled the prophecyCopy !req
1500. Harry?Copy !req
1501. Harry?Copy !req
1502. He's in the larvae state.Copy !req
1503. And now I'll just worm my
way into my little cocoon.Copy !req
1504. Harry, wake up.Copy !req
1505. He's turning into the evil one.Copy !req
1506. Harry?Copy !req
1507. Come on!Copy !req
1508. Hurry.Copy !req
1509. The evil one is here.Copy !req
1510. You must become the Kabukiman.Copy !req
1511. Only two things remain.Copy !req
1512. The monkey must ride the jaguar
and the dragon must danceCopy !req
1513. through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
1514. Look, it's happening.Copy !req
1515. See the dragon, don't you?Copy !req
1516. Here let me help.Copy !req
1517. You see?Copy !req
1518. It's just like at the planetarium.Copy !req
1519. The dragon dances through
the hoop of Jupiter!Copy !req
1520. The evil one has arrived.Copy !req
1521. Now it's up to you.Copy !req
1522. Harry?Copy !req
1523. Harry?Copy !req
1524. What the Hell is this?Copy !req
1525. What's going on?Copy !req
1526. Get back. Get back.Copy !req
1527. Take Lotus.Copy !req
1528. Get back.Copy !req
1529. Dick, get out of the way.Copy !req
1530. Kabukiman.Copy !req
1531. Toyota no!Copy !req
1532. Get away from the jaguar.Copy !req
1533. No!Copy !req
1534. No!Copy !req
1535. Don't ride the jaguar.Copy !req
1536. Lotus, come back here now.Copy !req
1537. You crazy monkey.Copy !req
1538. You mustn't ride the jaguar.Copy !req
1539. You're finished, evil one.Copy !req
1540. The monkey did not ride the jaguar.Copy !req
1541. No!Copy !req
1542. Harry!Copy !req
1543. No!Copy !req
1544. Harry!Copy !req
1545. Easy, easy, easy.Copy !req
1546. All right.Copy !req
1547. We got you.Copy !req
1548. All right, we got you.Copy !req
1549. I'm tired.Copy !req
1550. I'm... I'm going home.Copy !req
1551. Griswold?Copy !req
1552. I can explain.Copy !req
1553. I don't want to know.Copy !req
1554. What I do know is that
you're off suspensionCopy !req
1555. and you're on vacation as of right now.Copy !req
1556. Let's go, partner.Copy !req
1557. So Harry, I mean Kabukiman, you
have at least another thousandCopy !req
1558. years before the next
time the dragon dancesCopy !req
1559. through the hoop of Jupiter.Copy !req
1560. So what are you going to do
with the rest of your time?Copy !req
1561. Well I'd like to clean my apartment.Copy !req
1562. Do a little laundry, maybe.Copy !req
1563. And take some flying lessons.Copy !req
1564. Look, up in the sky!Copy !req
1565. It's a flying reptile.Copy !req
1566. No, it's a fixed wing super
sonic sleuth bomber.Copy !req
1567. No, no, no.Copy !req
1568. You're thinking of a stealth bomber.Copy !req
1569. No, it's a man in a striped bathrobe.Copy !req
1570. A man in a striped bathrobe?Copy !req
1571. No, good citizens, it'sCopy !req
1572. me, Sergeant Kabukiman, NYPDCopy !req
1573. Harry, watch out for that pigeon.Copy !req
1574. Lotus, help me!Copy !req
1575. Do something.Copy !req
1576. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1577. We're going to crash.Copy !req