1. Um, testing.
Uh, one, two, three, four.
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2. Uh, testing.
Uh, one, two, three.
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3. Uh, uh, uh, four.
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4. Uh, testing.
Uh, one, two, three, four.
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5. Uh, Roberto,
I told you before...
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6. that this thing doesn't, uh –
because there's no –
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7. because the, uh, uh –
You know.
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8. Cocksucker!
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9. Uh, testing.
Uh, one, two, three, four.
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10. Uh, Roberto, this is for, uh...
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11. eyes only.
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12. Um, our eyes.
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13. Uh –
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14. Uh, testing. Uh, one, two, three, four.
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15. Uh, Roberto, this is for, uh...
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16. eyes only.
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17. Um, our eyes.
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18. Uh –
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19. Okay, Roberto...
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20. would you, uh –
would you send, uh –
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21. Call Mr. Stein at my publishers...
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22. to pick up that, uh, package
that I gave you.
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23. Oh! Oh, yes.
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24. Would you also tell Mrs. Nixon
that I, um –
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25. Never mind.
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26. Oh! Oh, yes.
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27. I, uh, I-I hear that the gardener's wife –
that Fernando's wife is in the hospital.
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28. Would you send her a, uh, u-uh –
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29. Send her a new portable radio, please.
Uh, make it a good one.
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30. And, oh, uh, don't – uh, don't –
don't tell her that it's from, uh –
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31. I would – I would rather that she didn't, uh –
Just make it, uh, anonymous. I –
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32. No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Say that, um –
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33. Uh, say that it is from
Friends of a Free Cuba.
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34. Cuba libre.
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35. Okay, uh, side one.
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36. Um, day and date,
um, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
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37. I'll, um – I'll write the, um, um, uh –
the prayer f –
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38. Uh, the, um, uh – the plea f –
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39. the prologue –
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40. You know. Um –
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41. Okay, uh –
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42. Your Honor...
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43. may we take the matter
of the, uh, pardon first?
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44. Uh –
It was a complete fake.
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45. It solved nothing
because, uh, well...
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46. if there had been a trial
and all the rest of it –
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47. Well, you know, if I had gone to prison,
I would be a free man today.
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48. A free man!
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49. Now, the word “pardon”
has two definitions.
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50. First, there is the legal aspect,
which is to...
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51. excuse a convicted man
from punishment.
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52. Then there is the general definition
of the word “pardon”...
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53. which is to forgive.
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54. “Forgive.”
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55. Forgive them
before they ever forgive me.
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56. Bastards. Fuck 'em!
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57. Son of a bitches.
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58. Your Honor...
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59. my client has been driven
almost mad...
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60. because he has had to carry
the most terrible secrets of all...
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61. locked up inside his, uh, uh,
breaking heart...
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62. and, uh, uh, beating mind.
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63. Now, you have read in the press...
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64. the reasons for the Watergate affair.
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65. Today my client is going
to reveal to you...
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66. the reasons behind the reasons.
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67. You, ladies and gentlemen
of the American jury...
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68. shall look at the face
that is under the mask that is –
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69. that is under the mask!
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70. You alone shall judge his life.
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71. Your Honor, my client has never
been convicted of anything...
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72. therefore, technically,
he was not qualified for a pardon.
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73. Now, as to the definition
of the word “pardon” –
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74. Look, there's been no forgiveness here.
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75. The whole damn thing
has been a sham.
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76. There's been no trial,
no legal conviction, no punishment.
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77. Instead, Your Honor,
my client has had to suffer...
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78. lifelong personal punishment
and, uh, torment...
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79. for what has been called, the, uh –
good of the nation.
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80. Look, if the nation
knew the real truth...
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81. why, I would be in the position of, uh,
of de Gaulle, for instance, because I –
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82. Look, I had to withdraw becau –
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83. De Gaulle and, uh – and, uh, Mao –
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84. Mao!
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85. He was a kind of
a lone wolf too, you know.
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86. As a matter of fact,
he said to me once, he said...
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87. “I am alone with the people,
waiting.”
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88. I will never forget that moment.
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89. It made the, uh, gooseflesh come out,
because I –
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90. Look, if the American people
knew what really happened, I – I – I –
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91. You see, Your Honor,
I know that the whole story...
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92. could never be told
during my lifetime...
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93. because the nation
could not have stood the whole story.
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94. Take the, uh, killing of President Kennedy
and the Warren report and so forth.
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95. The nation could not have stood
the whole story.
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96. So it was a blessing when that, uh –
Shit! What's his, uh, uh – Ruby.
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97. When he shot, uh, O – uh, Oswald.
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98. Look, I'm not saying
that two rights make a wrong.
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99. But it was a godsend when that, uh –
that patriotic nightclub owner –
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100. when he – when he shot –
Look, I –
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101. I always understood
the Kennedy brothers. Oh, yeah.
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102. The four boys? Well, see,
we were four brothers too, you know.
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103. My brother, Harold, you know,
he had the same charisma.
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104. The women, they all –
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105. You know, he was
a big, brash redhead. I –
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106. Shit!
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107. It was TB.
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108. Goddamn TB.
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109. Up and down
both sides of the family.
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110. Got my little brother, Arthur,
in 1925.
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111. And it got my brother, Harold...
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112. in 1933.
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113. But in those days you went to, uh –
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114. Well, actually, my mother,
she took us to, uh, Arizona for the dry air.
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115. Then I came along
later in the summer too...
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116. to work as a barker
at the carnival there...
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117. at the, uh, uh, Slippery Gulch rodeo.
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118. Then, years later, that son of a bitch wrote
that I was a shill for a crooked card game!
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119. That bastard! Son of a bitch!
I – I – But –
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120. But my – my old man...
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121. he-he-he called it a, uh –
a fat cat's lunger clinic.
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122. My old man was very, uh –
He had a certain kind – He was –
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123. Ah, shit!
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124. Arthur was only seven years old.
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125. He was the worst.
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126. God, he was so cute.
Goddamn TB!
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127. That's the reason that we came to California
in the first place – because of the climate.
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128. And they all died anyway.
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129. I used to lay awake at night
trying to figure out how the hell I got –
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130. When I was a child...
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131. the sweetest sound I ever heard...
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132. was the sound...
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133. of the Santa Fe Railway.
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134. “Tonight I see
the face of a child.
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135. “He is black. He is white.
He is Mexican, Italian, Polish.
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136. “None of that matters.
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137. “What does matter is that
he is an American child.
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138. “He is American.
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139. “He sleeps the sleep of childhood...
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140. “and dreams its dreams.
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141. “But when he awakens...
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142. “he awakens to a living nightmare
of poverty, neglect and despair.
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143. “For him, the American system
is one that feeds his stomach...
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144. and starves his soul.”
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145. That's very good!
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146. That's – That's my favorite.
That's a –
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147. “It breaks – It –
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148. “It breaks his heart...
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149. and in the end it may take his life
on some distant battlefield.”
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150. I see the face...
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151. of another child.
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152. He lies awake at night...
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153. and he hears the train go by...
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154. and he dreams...
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155. of faraway places
that he would like to go.
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156. Seems like an impossible dream.
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157. But he is helped
on his journey through life...
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158. by his father,
by a gentle Quaker mother...
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159. by a great football coach...
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160. courageous wife...
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161. and loyal children.
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162. - Tonight, ladies and gentlemen...
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163. he stands before you...
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164. nominated for president
of the United States.
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165. You can see why I believe deeply
in the American dream.
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166. For most of us,
the American revolution has been won.
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167. The American dream has come true.
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168. Well, I ask you to help me
make that dream come true...
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169. for millions to whom
it is an impossible dream today.
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170. Uh, Roberto?
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171. Would you, uh, erase everything,
please, back to, uh...
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172. “I see the face of a...
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173. child.”
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174. Oh, yes, um, would you also
send Fernando's wife a, uh –
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175. Shit!
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176. Goddamn Kennedys!
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177. They stole the 1960 election
in Chicago.
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178. Then they told me to go in there
and blow it wide open.
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179. And I would have!
I could have – Shit!
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180. Um, yes, Roberto,
would you, um...
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181. send Fernando's wife a, uh –
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182. a basket of fruit also.
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183. Would you make that
a big basket, please?
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184. Poor woman. She, uh –
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185. She had a, uh –
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186. Because of the, uh – She –
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187. Your Honor, the Watergate
was nothing more than a misdemeanor...
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188. copping a plea,
a third-rate burglary.
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189. It was nothing more
than a convenient hook...
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190. upon which to hang
my client's political body.
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191. Because before anybody in the world
ever heard the word “Watergate”...
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192. the Nixon presidency was over.
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193. Your Honor, my client had faced,
as you know...
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194. the acid test of six major crises.
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195. But I – See...
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196. this is not like 1952...
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197. when I could go to the public
with my side of the story.
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198. Oh, yes!
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199. You see, the whole country
was waiting.
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200. Ike had just dropped me like a, uh –
That bastard son of a –
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201. Well, when the cameras came on,
I was going to drop out of the race.
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202. As a matter of fact,
I had promised, uh, uh, uh, Pat...
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203. that I was going to, uh –
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204. Pat, of course, is my, uh –
Out of the race – Wife.
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205. Well, you know, it's true.
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206. She did still believe in me in 1952.
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207. When someone believes in you,
someone to whom you've made a promise to –
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208. I couldn't! I –
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209. Well, then when I lost
in California in '62...
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210. I really was going to
drop out of the race.
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211. As a matter of fact, I wrote it –
Well, I wrote it down.
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212. And I, uh, I carried it around
in my, uh, uh, uh, uh –
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213. The, uh, uh – The promise...
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214. to, uh, uh, uh – to Pat.
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215. “I promise not to run for public –”
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216. Uh, uh – In my, uh, wallet –
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217. I couldn't! I –
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218. Well, even then, of course, you know,
she – she did believe in me.
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219. And they spit on her
down in South America.
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220. My God, I'm so sorry for that.
But I couldn't –
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221. I couldn't quit...
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222. with my tail between my,
you know, legs like that!
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223. My wife does not
wear a mink coat!
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224. My wife wears
a good Republican cloth coat.
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225. And my little dog, Checkers, he –
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226. And I cried.
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227. And the public cried with me.
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228. And Ike – The old man
couldn't get rid of me! Yes!
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229. I could always cry in public.
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230. Dr. Birdsell,
my dramatic coach in school...
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231. always said that I...
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232. was the most melancholy Dane
that he had ever directed.
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233. To be...
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234. or not –
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235. Yes.
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236. That is the question, all right.
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237. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind...
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238. to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune...
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239. or to take arms against –
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240. Look, I am not
your stinking caddy anymore.
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241. Everyone used to say
that Adlai Stevenson was Hamlet.
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242. No, no, that is not true. It was me
who was really Hamlet, and Ike was the king!
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243. I never even got to see all the rooms
in the White House...
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244. until Johnson became president.
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245. Shit! Ike – Ike introduced me
to a crowd one time...
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246. as Nick Dixon, for Christ's sake!
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247. See, what he would do – He would drag
his coattails, then he would pull them away...
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248. and he would leave me standing there
high and dry.
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249. I was running.
I-I was always running.
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250. I was trying so hard to make the team
that I was always offsides. Well –
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251. Just like my old man.
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252. He sold the lemon grove.
Then they discovered oil on it.
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253. Well, shit!
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254. Not me.
Not to the manor born.
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255. You see, I had to pretend not to see
all the snubs and the sniggers...
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256. and the sneers.
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257. I had to put up a front.
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258. Welcome to Denmark!
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259. My – My first debate
when I was in high school...
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260. resolved, “Girls are no good,”
and I won!
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261. My second debate resolved,
“Cows are better than horses.”
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262. You see, I –
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263. I always hated girls.
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264. Well, you know, in high school
I couldn't – I couldn't stay away from 'em.
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265. You know how it is when you're –
You know what I did?
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266. I founded the Orthogonian Society.
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267. That's all boys, no girls.
Just square shooters.
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268. And our motto was, uh...
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269. “Beans, Brains, Brawn and Bowels.”
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270. And we – we – we had this, uh –
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271. We – We all used to, uh –
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272. Resolved –
Resolved to win, period...
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273. because that is the American system.
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274. You take either side –
It doesn't even matter which one –
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275. and you go on the attack!
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276. It's like, uh, football – No!
No, no, no, no. It's like poker.
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277. The winners make jokes, but the loser says,
“Deal! Deal! Deal! Deal! Deal!”
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278. Roberto, would you erase
all that crap, please.
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279. Back to, uh, uh,
the lesser of two, uh, uh, evils.
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280. No, no, no, no. Back about –
Before the, uh, uh, break-in.
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281. Thank you, Roberto.
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282. Your Honor...
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283. there were three charges...
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284. of impeachment
brought against me.
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285. None of them could be proved.
They all knew that.
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286. Kennedy's hit man, John Doar –
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287. And he had a hundred bloodhounds
working for him.
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288. They told him – And we have ways
of knowing this, Your Honor –
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289. They told him, “There is no case
against the president, period.”
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290. Your Honor, the impeachment process itself
was simply the grandest cover-up of all.
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291. There can only be one – And you know this –
one impeachment charge...
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292. and that is, treason, bribery
and other high crimes and misdemeanors.
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293. Well, so they brought a load of –
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294. Well, shit, we gave them a load
of chicken-shit charges against me...
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295. and none of them stuck,
and none of their theories either.
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296. You see, I happen to know what was
going on inside the committee.
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297. Shit, the theories,
for Christ's sake!
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298. Let's see, there was the, uh,
tip-of-the-iceberg theory. Hmm?
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299. Oh, yes, then there was
the narrow-escape theory.
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300. Oh, the robber baron baloney
and all that crap –
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301. Oh! We must not forget
the higher-standard-of-conduct theory.
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302. That's rich!
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303. The Founding Fathers
caused the White House...
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304. to be built in a swamp
in the first place, for Christ's sake...
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305. and Congress
up on a goddamn hill!
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306. The Founding Fathers were nothing more
than a bunch of snotty English shits...
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307. who never trusted
any elected president to begin with!
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308. So, why then, Your Honor,
did my client resign voluntarily...
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309. when the fact is that Richard Nixon
not only need not have quit...
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310. but in fact could have stayed on
beyond the –
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311. Your Honor,
something happened to my client.
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312. The year is 1945.
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313. Okay, Roberto...
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314. that is the end of the, uh, prologue.
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315. The next section will be, um...
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316. 1945...
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317. through 1952.
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318. So would you please
make a separate, um, uh...
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319. uh, you know, for each of the, uh –
You know.
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320. Okay, Your Honor...
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321. in 1939 I went to Cuba.
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322. I –
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323. A-A-After I almost got disbarred...
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324. for signing some client's name to a –
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325. Roberto, would you erase that,
please?
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326. Your Honor,
I am trying to tell you...
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327. about 1945.
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328. I was just getting out of the navy.
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329. An ad appeared
in the Whittier Daily News.
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330. I will never forget it.
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331. It said...
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332. “Wanted: young man...
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333. “interested in running for Congress.
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334. Veteran preferred.”
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335. And then they listed the name
of a, uh, committee...
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336. to contact.
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337. So, well, I-I took some of my, uh,
poker winnings and I flew out there...
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338. in my uniform, of course.
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339. If the choice of this committee
comes to me...
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340. I promise to wage an aggressive
and vigorous campaign...
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341. based on a platform
of practical liberalism.
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342. Well, it was those men –
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343. I-I did, Your Honor.
I answered the ad.
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344. They called themselves
the, uh, Committee of 100.
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345. But the name's changed
many times over the years, oh, yes.
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346. Uh, Committee for a Free Iran,
a free Guatemala...
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347. a free, uh, Congo...
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348. uh, a free, uh –
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349. But always Taiwan. Oh, yes.
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350. Always for a free Taiwan.
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351. So, they did, Your Honor.
They selected me.
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352. And they took my client
up to Bohemian Grove.
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353. Now, that is where
the China plan was –
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354. That's where I got the message.
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355. Yes.
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356. Up there in, uh, Bohemian Grove...
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357. deep in the California Redwoods...
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358. with the, uh –
the dogs and the guards...
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359. and the prostitutes from Guerneville
at the caveman camp – I –
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360. Your Honor, this young man,
Richard Nixon...
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361. this boy from a poor family...
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362. a boy who never had a break,
who never had a chance...
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363. he was just overwhelmed
by these big men...
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364. on the Committee of 100...
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365. because they showed him a vision...
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366. of the riches and power
of this world...
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367. and he drank their words
and their visions, he –
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368. He had a little sip of their whiskey too...
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369. this poor boy who couldn't drink.
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370. Didn't know how to drink...
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371. because of his strict
Quaker background.
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372. And so, he, uh –
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373. I may have said and done
some things up there that...
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374. came back to haunt me...
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375. 25 years later...
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376. when the real China card
was played.
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377. I – Your Honor, that first night
up there in the Grove...
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378. I couldn't sleep all night.
I was awake – Then –
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379. Well, you know,
the big German shepherd dogs...
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380. they're howling all night, you know.
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381. But it was way off,
you know, in the, uh, in –
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382. And the men, you know, they're –
they're laughing, singing, dancing.
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383. You know, football songs mostly.
Marches, you know.
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384. So, naturally, I was unable
to get any, uh – All the –
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385. But it was, you know –
It was way off there in the, uh...
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386. distance.
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387. It was very, uh...
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388. Uh, it's a little out of, uh –
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389. But you were my mother's piano...
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390. and that fucking museum
is not going to get you!
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391. Your Honor,
I forgot to tell you about the whores.
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392. Now, look, these guys were not homos
from Westchester County or Cambridge.
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393. You know, this is not old money
or “the better sort.”
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394. I mean, these guys were Armenians
and, uh, Italians and Irish.
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395. You know, assorted white trash.
Men!
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396. And what they wanted
was a political laboratory...
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397. and that is what they made
California into –
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398. a kind of a, uh, proving ground
for later on.
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399. You understand why all this
was music to my ears?
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400. That was the real music to my ears,
because I-I –
Copy !req
401. You know what Coach said?
Copy !req
402. Coach said if you could run –
me, number 23 –
Copy !req
403. if you could run the ball
the way you run your mouth...
Copy !req
404. winning the big prizes, why –
Copy !req
405. I'm gonna be a winner – Yes!
Because I've always been –
Copy !req
406. Now, these guys dancing with the hookers,
these guys were real winners!
Copy !req
407. I couldn't dance, not worth a goddamn.
My old man, he wouldn't dance.
Copy !req
408. He said it gave him a, uh –
You know, it aroused him. You know?
Copy !req
409. Me too! So now, you can imagine
I took a hell of a kidding on that.
Copy !req
410. But... you know what I did
when I ran for student council president?
Copy !req
411. I promised a liberal dress and dance code.
And you know something? I won!
Copy !req
412. My old man hated politicians.
Copy !req
413. So there's me saying, “Daddy, when I grow up
I'm gonna be an old-fashioned man.
Copy !req
414. I'm gonna be an honest lawyer.
I'm not gonna take any bribes.”
Copy !req
415. Shit! If he'd gone beyond the sixth grade,
poor bastard would know that we were all crooks!
Copy !req
416. Well, shit!
Copy !req
417. I had the last laugh
on that son of a bitch!
Copy !req
418. When I won that scholarship to Duke –
I – You see –
Copy !req
419. I still was not a winner yet.
Copy !req
420. A winner does not have to
break into the dean's office the way I did...
Copy !req
421. to find out what his grades are.
Copy !req
422. But I did graduate third
in my class, though.
Copy !req
423. But then, when we all went to New York
to interview for some big-time law firms...
Copy !req
424. I was a little out of my league,
and I knew that.
Copy !req
425. But I also knew this – I knew that
New York was the big time. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
426. The big, big money!
Copy !req
427. I mean, New York,
with the clubs and the fast track!
Copy !req
428. I'll tell you this –
in New York, money talks!
Copy !req
429. Oh, yeah.
Money talks, talks, talks, talks, talks.
Copy !req
430. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Copy !req
431. Anyway, Your Honor,
what I wanted to do –
Copy !req
432. I wanted to join
the Dulles brothers' law firm.
Copy !req
433. That's Sullivan and Cromwell.
You know, thick, plush carpeting and –
Copy !req
434. East Coast shits is what they really were.
Copy !req
435. Well, my two friends, they, um –
Copy !req
436. they did get taken on
by one of the big law firms.
Copy !req
437. I did not.
Well, then I tried to join the FBI.
Copy !req
438. I got turned down again.
Copy !req
439. I mean, Hoover –
I worshipped Hoover! See?
Copy !req
440. Then years later that son of a bitch Hoover,
he tried to stab me in the back!
Copy !req
441. Fuck him! Your Honor –
Copy !req
442. What I'm trying to say here is that
the Committee of 100 had a plan...
Copy !req
443. and that was it.
Copy !req
444. In 1946, '48, '50,
right on through.
Copy !req
445. I – Look.
Copy !req
446. I was very young.
Copy !req
447. I was a kid.
Copy !req
448. And they gave me the blueprint...
Copy !req
449. for my life.
Copy !req
450. You understand that?
Copy !req
451. Well, tha-that's when, uh,
Murray Chotiner came into the picture.
Copy !req
452. Well, because Murray,
he was the link to Lansky...
Copy !req
453. and Ratner and, uh –
and the Mob and –
Copy !req
454. You see, what Hiss and the Kennedys, all those
East Coast pricks, never understood was...
Copy !req
455. that I would be a winner
because I was a loser.
Copy !req
456. That's right. I dream of failure
every night of my life, and that is my secret.
Copy !req
457. To make it in this rat race, you have to dream
of failing every day. I mean, that is reality.
Copy !req
458. Jews, niggers, Reds, kikes...
Copy !req
459. old Nixons, new Nixons.
Copy !req
460. Because I am an American.
A real American – that's me!
Copy !req
461. I'm not some rich Ivy League prince
that thinks that he is a winner.
Copy !req
462. See? What the big guys thought was,
is that I was a dogcatcher.
Copy !req
463. Yeah, I was. I am!
And a, uh, used-car salesman too.
Copy !req
464. Oh, s-sure, fine!
Copy !req
465. And a siding and a shingle man.
Copy !req
466. Because I knew that today
the dogcatcher is king!
Copy !req
467. And all those crooks
and those shysters...
Copy !req
468. and those mobsters
and those lobsters – I mean, lobbyists –
Copy !req
469. I mean, all the well-fed – all the welfare
bums and tramps in this country...
Copy !req
470. that is your palace guard!
Copy !req
471. Shit.
Copy !req
472. Ehh...
Copy !req
473. let 'em suck on that for a while.
Copy !req
474. Shit!
Copy !req
475. I could have beaten Kennedy.
Copy !req
476. I could have won...
Copy !req
477. in 1960.
Copy !req
478. But, see...
Copy !req
479. goddamn C.I.A., they went
and they told Kennedy all about the –
Copy !req
480. the track-two operation
against Castro...
Copy !req
481. and then Jack, he out-red-baited me
by attacking Castro...
Copy !req
482. and that made me look soft.
Copy !req
483. I mean, they promised me
that the invasion would –
Copy !req
484. the “executive action”
against Castro...
Copy !req
485. would take place before the election.
Copy !req
486. I mean, God, how they screwed me!
Copy !req
487. I could have won. I could have won.
I could have beaten Kennedy.
Copy !req
488. Look, it was me
with the 54-12 Special Group...
Copy !req
489. who'd planned the whole damn thing
in the first place.
Copy !req
490. Yeah, I would have bombed 'em.
Oh, how I would have bombed 'em!
Copy !req
491. But, you see, Castro, he was very smart.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Copy !req
492. When Eisenhower
refused to meet with Castro...
Copy !req
493. when he came to this country
before the election –
Copy !req
494. And then that son of a bitch Castro...
Copy !req
495. he went up there and he had lunch
with the goddamn colored waiters...
Copy !req
496. at the Theresa Hotel in Harlem!
Copy !req
497. I would have got him!
We already had the poison, for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
498. We had tested it on some monkeys –
Shit! Where's my fucking drink?
Copy !req
499. H-H-Hey, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.
Copy !req
500. I mean, shit, nobody coulda
beaten Kennedy, for Christ's sake.
Copy !req
501. He was a big, good-lookin' Irishman,
and he had that shock of hair.
Copy !req
502. Just like my brother Harold.
They had the same charisma, you know.
Copy !req
503. The women, they all jump up and down –
Shit! His wife was a goddamn clotheshorse.
Copy !req
504. Shit! Pat was 48 years old,
for Christ's sake! What was Jackie, thir –
Copy !req
505. What the fuck is this,
for Christ's sake?
Copy !req
506. And, uh – And – I went to the wedding.
Did you know that?
Copy !req
507. And Jack, he liked me.
Oh, no, he did. Jack liked me.
Copy !req
508. He congratulated me
when I beat Helen Gahagan Douglas.
Copy !req
509. His old man even contributed money
to my campaign.
Copy !req
510. Well, it's true, of course, you know,
that we were black Irish...
Copy !req
511. and they were –
Copy !req
512. Look, we both had our tragedies.
Copy !req
513. Brothers.
Copy !req
514. Four boys.
Copy !req
515. And the Catholic thing –
Copy !req
516. I never used that.
Copy !req
517. I didn't!
Copy !req
518. Shit. See, then the debates
came along.
Copy !req
519. And everybody said
that I was like Cicero. They said –
Copy !req
520. They said, “How well he speaks!”
Copy !req
521. And then when Demosthenes spoke,
everybody said, “How smart! Yes!”
Copy !req
522. Goddamn Jack, he was something else.
I'll tell you that.
Copy !req
523. Then – Then I got rattled...
Copy !req
524. when the press got ahold of that
Howard Hughes loan to my brother...
Copy !req
525. for that wacko scheme of his...
Copy !req
526. to sell Nixonburgers!
Copy !req
527. And then Haldeman, he goes and calls
Martin Luther King a nigger...
Copy !req
528. on the teleph –
Copy !req
529. But the worst was,
three days before the election...
Copy !req
530. when I slipped and called
for peace and surrender.
Copy !req
531. That was the dumbest thing
I ever did!
Copy !req
532. My poor goddamn dumb brothers.
Copy !req
533. Did you know that I had to put
all my brothers under surveillance...
Copy !req
534. because of that –
Copy !req
535. Then my brother Don's kid,
he goes and runs off and joins...
Copy !req
536. some dirty hippie commune.
Copy !req
537. Then they have to get some investigator
to wade through all that crap...
Copy !req
538. drag him back by the ears,
put him to work for –
Copy !req
539. I – I – I mean,
my goddamn family alone...
Copy !req
540. could have ruined me!
Copy !req
541. Shit.
Copy !req
542. I still couldn't sleep.
Copy !req
543. Right up to the election.
Shit.
Copy !req
544. I couldn't neutralize the Hughes thing...
Copy !req
545. because the Committee of 100,
they were tapping her – Uh, Marilyn Monroe.
Copy !req
546. You know, the Kennedy boys,
you know, they were all big studs...
Copy !req
547. like their old man.
Copy !req
548. Like my brother, Harold.
Copy !req
549. And you know something else?
That is what killed him too. That's right!
Copy !req
550. No women allowed up at Bohemian Grove.
No, sir, not real women!
Copy !req
551. We were a different type
from that Kennedy crowd.
Copy !req
552. I was sure as hell a different type.
Copy !req
553. You know, in all those years, I never –
I didn't – I-I-I-I – Not one time, I didn't –
Copy !req
554. But I didn't quit! That's right!
Copy !req
555. Not even in '74!
I could have! I sh –
Copy !req
556. I could have burned the tapes
and stonewalled it. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
557. Let the big guys fight it out up there
at Bohemian Grove. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
558. And let the country go fascist by 1980.
Copy !req
559. Oh, that's right, Your Honor.
I am talking shooting it out in the streets.
Copy !req
560. I mean civil war in this country
by 1977 –
Copy !req
561. You understand
why I had to withdraw?
Copy !req
562. Why I had to lay my life on the line
to stop fascism and communism?
Copy !req
563. Fuck! The goddamn Yankees, Ford –
They get the fuckin' presidency anyway!
Copy !req
564. And the goddamn cowboys, Bush –
They get the C.I.A.
Copy !req
565. And what the hell do I get
for following orders for 30 goddamn years?
Copy !req
566. Is this it? A fuckin' pardon?
And disgrace? Shit!
Copy !req
567. Look, I tried to give them
their dirty little war in Chile.
Copy !req
568. Did you know...
Copy !req
569. that that Allende...
Copy !req
570. was a worse whoremonger...
Copy !req
571. than you-know-who?
Copy !req
572. You see...
Copy !req
573. they didn't have to kill him
like that.
Copy !req
574. Not like that, they didn't.
Copy !req
575. But, look, I could have hung tough.
Copy !req
576. I could have called on my political base
like de Gaulle.
Copy !req
577. I could have called out Main Street
against Wall Street, but I didn't.
Copy !req
578. I said, “I'll go!”
I did it for ev – For Christ's –
Copy !req
579. I did it for the little people,
for Maggie and Jiggs...
Copy !req
580. for my people...
Copy !req
581. for all the failed ranchers and farmers –
people just like my old man.
Copy !req
582. I did it for the goddamn cab drivers
and the fuckin' grocery store clerks...
Copy !req
583. and the cockroach capitalists
and the traveling salesmen, I –
Copy !req
584. For the forgotten American.
For the silent majority.
Copy !req
585. In their name I said,
screw all the wise men...
Copy !req
586. all the tough guys
who've sold us out and stabbed us in the –
Copy !req
587. Look, I was not elected president
on some other planet.
Copy !req
588. I'm America!
Copy !req
589. I am a winner who lost every battle
up to and including the war.
Copy !req
590. I am not the American nightmare!
Copy !req
591. I am the American dream. Period!
Copy !req
592. And that is why the system works –
Copy !req
593. because I am the system.
Copy !req
594. Period!
Copy !req
595. So what I did was,
I talked and I stalled...
Copy !req
596. and then I finally unleashed Haig...
Copy !req
597. and that provoked
the Saturday Night Massacre.
Copy !req
598. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
You see? This –
Copy !req
599. This is before I went crazy...
Copy !req
600. and they had to bring in the army...
Copy !req
601. to shoot me down on the floor
of the Oval Office because I was nuts.
Copy !req
602. Oh, yeah.
They would've done that, all right.
Copy !req
603. You see, there was a sinister force
loose in the White House, all right...
Copy !req
604. but it sure as hell was not me.
Copy !req
605. Look, in the end, I was just a –
Copy !req
606. I was just an unindicted coconspirator...
Copy !req
607. like everybody else...
Copy !req
608. in the United States of America.
Copy !req
609. Yes, that's right, goddamn it!
Copy !req
610. Yes... Mother.
Copy !req
611. You were right.
Copy !req
612. There never was...
Copy !req
613. a “new Nixon.”
Copy !req
614. I am a square...
Copy !req
615. and I always have been.
Copy !req
616. But I believed in the system.
Copy !req
617. And that's all I did.
Copy !req
618. I got out to protect the system.
Copy !req
619. And look, I did not
invent the system, Mother.
Copy !req
620. I did. I got out
to protect the presidency.
Copy !req
621. My God, my God, my God, my God...
Copy !req
622. how I used to love being president!
Copy !req
623. I used to enjoy that so much.
Copy !req
624. I cannot tell you
how much I enjoyed it.
Copy !req
625. I used to love to sit
in the Lincoln study...
Copy !req
626. with the fireplace going...
Copy !req
627. and the air conditioning on.
Copy !req
628. I used to love to
sit in there and think about...
Copy !req
629. Lincoln and, uh, Washington.
Copy !req
630. What a liar he was, huh?
That fuckin' Washington!
Copy !req
631. I had – The Rose Garden
was so fragrant.
Copy !req
632. Oh! The yacht.
Copy !req
633. Sequoia.
Copy !req
634. I used to love to sit topside
on the fantail of the Sequoia.
Copy !req
635. Down the Potomac,
back to the navy yard...
Copy !req
636. sipping drinks with a friend...
Copy !req
637. and talking geopolitics.
Copy !req
638. Oh, yes, and the, uh – the jiga – jiga –
th-th-the nigger –
Copy !req
639. t-t-t-t-the colored waiters
bringing up steaks from the galley.
Copy !req
640. You know what I really used to enjoy?
Copy !req
641. I used to get a kick
out of calling in coaching plays...
Copy !req
642. to the Redskin coaching staff
on the white phone...
Copy !req
643. and going over the bombing targets
in Cambodia with Henry on the red phone...
Copy !req
644. at the same time!
Copy !req
645. That's fun!
Copy !req
646. Oh, we were just rolling along
up there, you know.
Copy !req
647. Everything was just going along so –
Copy !req
648. But you know what happened?
The goddamn press and the liberals, they had –
Copy !req
649. Shit! Fuck!
Copy !req
650. Roberto, when CBS calls...
Copy !req
651. don't you tell them that I –
Copy !req
652. Okay.
Copy !req
653. You just remember
what I told you. Okay?
Copy !req
654. The press and the liberals,
they're yellow!
Copy !req
655. Oh, yes, they hated me...
Copy !req
656. because they were scared too –
shitless!
Copy !req
657. Because I was their mess boy!
Copy !req
658. And you know something, Roberto?
You are mine!
Copy !req
659. And you watch out, señor...
Copy !req
660. because your turn is coming.
Copy !req
661. All you new guys –
you Cubans, you immigrants –
Copy !req
662. you'd better watch out
for the liberals. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
663. The colored found that out when it was
too late, that it was the North, not the South –
Copy !req
664. They'll come after you the way they came
after me, and that is what made me: their fear!
Copy !req
665. And remember this, Roberto –
I knew who I was: nobody.
Copy !req
666. All they knew was
that they didn't want to be me.
Copy !req
667. So you use 'em – the press and the liberals.
You let 'em use you.
Copy !req
668. You get in bed with 'em.
You fuck 'em! Cuba libre!
Copy !req
669. I still have...
Copy !req
670. the nightmare.
Copy !req
671. But it is the American nightmare.
Copy !req
672. Shit. That's Uncle Sam.
Uncle Sam, he's the American nightm –
Copy !req
673. He's become nothing but a pitiful giant,
an old man being eaten alive...
Copy !req
674. by an army of “Ellsbergers” and, uh...
Copy !req
675. Ralph Naders and Jane Fondas,
all led by Hiss.
Copy !req
676. Alger Hiss!
Copy !req
677. And all the Red rats of the Roosevelt – I mean,
the Rosenberg spy gang and the campus crowd –
Copy !req
678. They're all Jews, you know,
every godd –
Copy !req
679. Look, Lansky and Ratner,
they're supposed to be big anticommu –
Copy !req
680. I mean, even Chotiner –
even Murray, he's a goddamn kike!
Copy !req
681. Well, the Committee of 100 would not
touch any of them with a ten-foot pole.
Copy !req
682. But when it comes time
to hide the bodies in the closet...
Copy !req
683. oh, yeah, then they pick up the phone
and they call Chotiner.
Copy !req
684. Then he contracts Miami and the Jews.
Copy !req
685. Well, I beat 'em, the Jews –
almost.
Copy !req
686. See –
Copy !req
687. It was the, um, Committee of 100...
Copy !req
688. and the China plan people that I, uh –
Copy !req
689. I-I couldn't handle.
Copy !req
690. So that is the reason, Your Honor,
that we had to invent Deep Throat...
Copy !req
691. and use Watergate to, uh...
Copy !req
692. get out with a pardon...
Copy !req
693. so that, uh –
Copy !req
694. Because of the, uh –
Copy !req
695. Oh, God.
Copy !req
696. Shit!
Copy !req
697. Shit! Goddamn it!
Copy !req
698. Where is my mother's Bible?
Copy !req
699. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
700. By that Kissinger shit!
Copy !req
701. “American Foreign Policy.
Copy !req
702. Henry 'Asshole' Kissinger.”
Copy !req
703. Kissinger, Kissinger, Kissinger!
Copy !req
704. Look, I don't owe any of them
a goddamn cent, much less an apology!
Copy !req
705. Especially him!
Copy !req
706. You I owe...
Copy !req
707. Mother.
Copy !req
708. Only you.
Copy !req
709. Oh. My, my, my, my, my, my.
Copy !req
710. He's got the same –
Just like I've got –
Copy !req
711. I like that. That's cute.
Copy !req
712. I like that.
Copy !req
713. Oh, no!
Copy !req
714. “Dear Master...
Copy !req
715. “The two boys that you left with me...
Copy !req
716. “are very bad to me.
Copy !req
717. “Their dog Jim...
Copy !req
718. “is very old...
Copy !req
719. “and he will never talk
or play with me.
Copy !req
720. “One Saturday
the boys went hunting.
Copy !req
721. “While going through the woods,
one of the boys tripped...
Copy !req
722. “and fell on me.
Copy !req
723. “I lost my temper...
Copy !req
724. “and I bit him.
Copy !req
725. “He kicked me in the side.
Copy !req
726. “I started to run.
Copy !req
727. “When I got home...
Copy !req
728. “I was very sore.
Copy !req
729. “I wish you would come home
right now...
Copy !req
730. “Mother.
Copy !req
731. “Your good dog...
Copy !req
732. Richard.”
Copy !req
733. “Now I lay me...
Copy !req
734. down to sleep.”
Copy !req
735. Arthur used to say
that little prayer for Mother.
Copy !req
736. “If I could die before I –”
Copy !req
737. What the hell are you looking at?
Fucking Kissinger!
Copy !req
738. You Judas son of a bitch!
Copy !req
739. You wrote that I was praying for guidance
after the Watergate...
Copy !req
740. on the rug that the shah gave me.
Copy !req
741. Wait until Deep Throat tells
the American people the truth about Dr. Shit-ass!
Copy !req
742. Yes! How Dr. Shit-ass
took a fortune from the shah...
Copy !req
743. and how you and the other guy...
Copy !req
744. fixed the shah up in New York
with a bunch of nice young boys!
Copy !req
745. That's right, Henry. Deep Throat is going
to strike again, and you are going to get yours.
Copy !req
746. I made you, and I can break you...
Copy !req
747. you slimy, two-faced...
Copy !req
748. brown-nosed, ass-licking...
Copy !req
749. kraut son of a bitch!
Copy !req
750. Mother? I – Mother, please.
Have mercy on me.
Copy !req
751. Shit! Stop it! Stop this crap,
for Christ's sake! Stop it!
Copy !req
752. Think of something good.
Like what? What, what, what, what, what?
Copy !req
753. Yes, um – Oh, yes!
Um, uh –
Copy !req
754. Playing “king of the pool” with Bebe
down at Key Biscayne at 2:00 a.m...
Copy !req
755. just splashing around –
Copy !req
756. Shit! What else?
What else, what else?
Copy !req
757. O-Oh, yes. Uh, having, uh, dinner
at Pompano Beach at the Cork and Screw.
Copy !req
758. Hobo steaks, ice creams and –
Pistachio, that was –
Copy !req
759. Aw, shit, shit, shit!
Copy !req
760. They gave you the Nobel Peace Prize...
Copy !req
761. and me they called
the Mad Bomber!
Copy !req
762. Look, I had to do it.
Copy !req
763. I promised to get us out with honor.
I could not go soft.
Copy !req
764. Did you know that I was in Russia...
Copy !req
765. during the heaviest part
of the bombing in Cambodia?
Copy !req
766. You know, the Russians, they suffered too
in the war. They lost 25 million –
Copy !req
767. And I knelt beside
the monuments in Moscow...
Copy !req
768. and I read the diaries of the children –
the dead children.
Copy !req
769. Me. Not him, me!
Copy !req
770. And how they died.
Copy !req
771. They gave that whoremaster
the Nobel Prize...
Copy !req
772. and me they called freak...
Copy !req
773. madman, juke, callicak –
Copy !req
774. Look, they even said...
Copy !req
775. that I stole the goddamn silverware
out of the White House, for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
776. The mad bomber theory
was Henry's idea in the first place...
Copy !req
777. to scare the North Vietnamese!
Copy !req
778. And that fat fuck...
Copy !req
779. is walking around telling everybody
that I'm nuts?
Copy !req
780. And all the time
he thinks that he is, uh, Napoleon?
Copy !req
781. Or Metternich, for Chri –
Copy !req
782. Son of a bitch! I –
Copy !req
783. And then those kids
tearing up Washington after Cambodia?
Copy !req
784. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
785. Those kids will not judge me.
Copy !req
786. I couldn't sleep.
Copy !req
787. I came down to the Lincoln Monument
to talk to the kids. I was so ashamed.
Copy !req
788. All I could think of to talk about
was about football –
Copy !req
789. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
790. Those kids will not evaluate my life!
Copy !req
791. Because I am a Quaker,
goddamn it!
Copy !req
792. I'm sorry, Mother.
Copy !req
793. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
794. My mother always used to say...
Copy !req
795. that there is no path to peace.
Copy !req
796. Peace is...
Copy !req
797. the path.
Copy !req
798. That's what my mother said.
Copy !req
799. Roberto...
Copy !req
800. would you erase everything, please...
Copy !req
801. back to, uh –
Copy !req
802. uh, the, uh, Committee of 100, please?
Copy !req
803. Thank you.
Copy !req
804. Your Honor...
Copy !req
805. the Committee of 100,
they were, uh... winners.
Copy !req
806. They were real winners.
Copy !req
807. Not me. Not yet. I was not –
But, look – I was not a quitter.
Copy !req
808. See, the Hiss case was the key...
Copy !req
809. because the Hiss case proved that I could
manage a crisis, that I could save the –
Copy !req
810. Well, shit, I could save the Committee if I –
I could save the goddamn country –
Copy !req
811. Your Honor, I would like
to talk for a minute, if I may...
Copy !req
812. about the Hiss case.
Copy !req
813. If Alger Hiss could look down
his Ivy League snoot...
Copy !req
814. at the House Un-American Activities
Committee and get away with it...
Copy !req
815. then HUAC was through,
the Committee was through –
Copy !req
816. I was sure as hell through!
Copy !req
817. So what do I do?
Copy !req
818. I have ten days to prove that Alger Hiss
is a high Communist agent...
Copy !req
819. in our State Department...
Copy !req
820. or else everybody is going to say
that we've been made into a laughingstock...
Copy !req
821. by a clever psychopath
named Whittaker Chambers...
Copy !req
822. who has set the Committee up to –
Shit.
Copy !req
823. “Psychopath,” for Christ's sake.
Copy !req
824. Whittaker wasn't a psychopath.
He was a goddamn genius. That's what he was.
Copy !req
825. As a matter of fact, Whittaker was
the only one that I could even –
Copy !req
826. I think of the two of us,
underneath the –
Copy !req
827. Just...
Copy !req
828. rocking...
Copy !req
829. rocking.
Copy !req
830. Yes? Whittaker?
Copy !req
831. You have been what?
A disciple of the devil?
Copy !req
832. And what are you now?
Now you are on God's side?
Copy !req
833. No, no, no, no. I'm not laughing at you.
Copy !req
834. Whittaker, I know
that you're serious.
Copy !req
835. Because I told you about my mother...
Copy !req
836. and the Quakers and everything.
Copy !req
837. Look, Whittaker, I'm going to
come over to see you –
Copy !req
838. Because misery loves company, that's why.
Copy !req
839. Whittaker, look,
we all get low sometimes.
Copy !req
840. And then we need cheering up.
We need to talk to somebody.
Copy !req
841. You know, man to, uh, uh, uh –
Copy !req
842. Straight from the, uh, uh –
I – Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
843. Yes.
Copy !req
844. I feel that way about you... too.
Copy !req
845. No, no, look, Whittaker,
we are going to use your plan...
Copy !req
846. because there is no way
that we can prove...
Copy !req
847. that you and Alger Hiss were in
the Communist Party at the same time.
Copy !req
848. But we can prove this: I know I can
prove that you and Hiss knew each other.
Copy !req
849. In fact, that you were very close.
That you –
Copy !req
850. You were both creatures of the Party?
And what are you now?
Copy !req
851. Both creatures of the government.
Copy !req
852. Okay.
Copy !req
853. Whittaker, look,
I think you should get some sleep.
Copy !req
854. No, no, no, no, listen, listen.
This'll help.
Copy !req
855. “Now I lay me down to sleep –”
Copy !req
856. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
857. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
858. Yes.
Copy !req
859. Pleasant dreams.
Copy !req
860. Your Honor...
Copy !req
861. the Hiss case
brought my client national fame.
Copy !req
862. However, in politics
victory is never total.
Copy !req
863. And as an aftermath to the Hiss case...
Copy !req
864. I mean, for years afterwards...
Copy !req
865. my client was subjected to a vicious
and utterly unprincipled smear campaign...
Copy !req
866. in which he was accused of being
a liar and a cheat and a thief...
Copy !req
867. and a pervert –
Copy !req
868. But the Committee of 100 saw
that I had saved the day – I had.
Copy !req
869. Alger Hiss? He was in jail for perjury.
Whittaker Chambers? He was, uh –
Copy !req
870. Whittaker was dead.
Copy !req
871. But I was on top.
Copy !req
872. I was.
Copy !req
873. I was on top.
Copy !req
874. The, uh, strain –
It was because of the strain...
Copy !req
875. that I had to, uh, get away.
Copy !req
876. So I went down to, uh, Bebe's boat
in Key Biscayne...
Copy !req
877. and we talked about it down there,
Bebe and I...
Copy !req
878. and that is where we decided
that I should go after Helen Gahagan Douglas...
Copy !req
879. in the 1950 senate campaign
in California.
Copy !req
880. I – Helen Douglas, she –
Remarkable woman.
Copy !req
881. Strong woman.
Copy !req
882. Uh, noble-looking.
Copy !req
883. She was, uh – There was a – There was a –
There was a quality of, uh –
Copy !req
884. There was kind of an aura –
Sh-She had a – Th – Uh –
Copy !req
885. She was beautiful...
Copy !req
886. is what she was.
Copy !req
887. She was very beautiful.
Copy !req
888. She was the, uh, kind of woman
that I, uh –
Copy !req
889. Well, I thought that she –
Copy !req
890. Well, you see, I always felt
that Helen – that she –
Copy !req
891. I liked her.
Copy !req
892. I liked Helen.
Copy !req
893. Shit.
Copy !req
894. See, I could have beaten
Helen Gahagan Douglas...
Copy !req
895. without any dirty tricks.
Copy !req
896. But, see, Chotiner and the Committee...
Copy !req
897. they already had the money
coming in from Florida and everywhere.
Copy !req
898. It's those same jackasses from USC –
Copy !req
899. the USC rat-fuckers
or whatever the hell they called themselves.
Copy !req
900. Then they paid those students
to throw the rotten eggs at her...
Copy !req
901. and to plant the rumors
that she was a Red...
Copy !req
902. to say that she wore pink panties –
Copy !req
903. Oh, yes, and that her husband's
real name was Hesselstein or Braun or –
Copy !req
904. Look, I was only 37 years old,
for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
905. I had nothing against
Helen Gahagan Douglas.
Copy !req
906. As a matter of fact,
I thought that she was – To me she was –
Copy !req
907. But look...
Copy !req
908. Helen was the leader in the drive...
Copy !req
909. to take the offshore oil rights
away from the big companies, period.
Copy !req
910. Chotiner and the Committee wanted her dead.
I was to be the hatchet man, period.
Copy !req
911. Okay, Your Honor,
so, my idea then, in that campaign...
Copy !req
912. was to run as, uh, above party.
Copy !req
913. You know, as a kind of a, uh,
Republicrat.
Copy !req
914. Oh! Yes, yes, yes.
Copy !req
915. A Republicrat and –
Copy !req
916. Yes!
Copy !req
917. That's what the country believed then,
and I believed it too.
Copy !req
918. As a matter of fact,
my platform was...
Copy !req
919. “I believe in America,
and I believe in real estate and...
Copy !req
920. the Reds, the Reds,
the Reds, the Reds –”
Copy !req
921. I got soft, is what I did.
Copy !req
922. I let Alger Hiss's wife get away from me
because she was a Quaker and everyth –
Copy !req
923. I learned my lesson, though.
Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
924. You gotta be hard-on.
I mean, these women are the worst type –
Copy !req
925. Dump Nixon. Never –
Copy !req
926. That's when the goddamn L.A. Times
started calling me “Tricky Dick.”
Copy !req
927. And then the cartoons
with the stubble and the jowls.
Copy !req
928. Look, I had feelings too.
Copy !req
929. My wife, my children, my family,
they had to stomach all that crap!
Copy !req
930. I mean, can you imagine?
Making me look like a goddamn tramp!
Copy !req
931. All right, yes!
That's what I am! I'm a tramp!
Copy !req
932. There I am down in the sewer
waiting for my turn...
Copy !req
933. just like every-fucking-body else!
Copy !req
934. A slimy slug
crawling toward the White House...
Copy !req
935. down there in the swamp...
Copy !req
936. where the goddamn Founding Fathers
put the White House in the first fucking place.
Copy !req
937. The goddamn L.A. Times
and the Post.
Copy !req
938. We will get those bastards
because they deserve it!
Copy !req
939. I mean, lording it over
the whole country like that.
Copy !req
940. Look, I was not dumped.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Copy !req
941. I walked away, but I didn't quit.
That's right.
Copy !req
942. Because I have got the patience.
Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
943. They did not call me Iron Butt
in law school for nothing.
Copy !req
944. Oh, yeah, laugh, laugh,
laugh, laugh, laugh.
Copy !req
945. Sure. Sure, I drove Pat to her dates
with other men before we were married.
Copy !req
946. And what of it?
Nobody dumps Nixon!
Copy !req
947. And the Times and the Post
and the rest of the goddamn country...
Copy !req
948. they tried to shaft Nixon
and the rest of the forgotten Amer –
Copy !req
949. Even Ike. Ike!
Ike tried to get rid of me in '56.
Copy !req
950. And I said to him, I said,
“Shit or get off of the godda –”
Copy !req
951. Because you listen to this – Finally, Nixon –
only Nixon could dump Nixon.
Copy !req
952. Yeah! Hmph.
Copy !req
953. Fucking tapes! Shit!
Copy !req
954. The tapes were an invasion of the public's privacy.
Not mine! The goddamn public's.
Copy !req
955. “Expletive deleted.”
Copy !req
956. For Christ's sake!
Copy !req
957. The whole goddamn public mind
is one great big, fat “expletive deleted”...
Copy !req
958. as far as the Eastern establishment
is concerned.
Copy !req
959. And, you see,
that's why they hated me –
Copy !req
960. because they hate the ordinary American
who lives down there...
Copy !req
961. in the armpit of this country
between New York and L.A.
Copy !req
962. And the tapes are just one more
goddamn set of lies!
Copy !req
963. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Copy !req
964. Me, a liar?
Copy !req
965. That's rich, coming from you.
Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
966. Very easy for you...
Copy !req
967. to take the high road.
Copy !req
968. But, you see,
I couldn't do that.
Copy !req
969. You delegated. I had to do all the dirty work
right from the beginning.
Copy !req
970. You sat up there and you said, “Can't somebody
do something about that Castro fella?”
Copy !req
971. Look, I heard you say that.
Copy !req
972. But you understand that it was me that had to
go out there and pull the goddamn trigger!
Copy !req
973. I mean...
Copy !req
974. you are a hypocrite!
Copy !req
975. Then I answered that goddamn ad...
Copy !req
976. in that goddamn paper
for congressman.
Copy !req
977. See, from that point on I couldn't even –
I was not even able – I couldn't –
Copy !req
978. Fuck. I couldn't do anything.
Copy !req
979. Well, Your Honor...
Copy !req
980. they called the tune...
Copy !req
981. the Committee of 100.
Copy !req
982. They took me back up there, you know.
Oh, yeah. Back up to the Grove.
Copy !req
983. No drinks this time.
Copy !req
984. No, no, no, no, no, no.
This was strictly business.
Copy !req
985. “The American future
lies to the East.
Copy !req
986. “The great free markets
of the Pacific Rim...
Copy !req
987. “are the American destiny.
Copy !req
988. “Dick, you are going to be president
of the United States.
Copy !req
989. “It is only a matter of time.
Copy !req
990. “President of the Pacific Rim.
Copy !req
991. And Taiwan will be yours.”
Copy !req
992. I – I will never forget
Arnold Smith's voice.
Copy !req
993. “Taiwan will be your trigger finger.
Your trigger finger!”
Copy !req
994. And then somebody – I forget –
Oh, yes, Chotiner.
Copy !req
995. He said something in Yiddish,
and all those jerks from Miami laughed.
Copy !req
996. Oh, then Haldeman's father –
the old man –
Copy !req
997. he whispered in my ear...
Copy !req
998. “Taiwan is the China plan –
Copy !req
999. “the shaft, the arrow...
Copy !req
1000. that will plunge into
the body of the East.”
Copy !req
1001. Well, I was drawing a long bow
that night.
Copy !req
1002. I found that out later.
Copy !req
1003. But that night I just...
Copy !req
1004. wandered...
Copy !req
1005. in that redwood forest...
Copy !req
1006. all by myself.
Copy !req
1007. You understand what they told me?
Copy !req
1008. They told me that the China plan
would be my Excalibur.
Copy !req
1009. A plan for peace is what they told me,
a plan for good, for greatness.
Copy !req
1010. My Camelot!
Copy !req
1011. I could hear those guys
out there in the woods...
Copy !req
1012. laughing and singing.
Copy !req
1013. Yes, I knew they were using me.
Of course I knew that.
Copy !req
1014. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Copy !req
1015. My life ended that night.
Copy !req
1016. God forgive me.
Copy !req
1017. I mean –
Copy !req
1018. I mean...
Copy !req
1019. there were so many dirty tricks!
Copy !req
1020. I had no one to talk to.
Copy !req
1021. I was getting pressure from above,
pressure from below.
Copy !req
1022. Where's Deep Throat when I need him?
I need to leak how they made me do it!
Copy !req
1023. Look, I am not a fool.
Copy !req
1024. I knew that this was the crossroads.
Copy !req
1025. I knew it was either go all the way
with the China plan people...
Copy !req
1026. or suffer the consequences.
Copy !req
1027. That's right. I did know that I was signing
a pact with the devil out in that wilderness.
Copy !req
1028. Yes, I knew that!
Copy !req
1029. Shit!
Copy !req
1030. See, I can feel Mother's eyes right now
beaming down on me.
Copy !req
1031. Stop it, Mother!
Copy !req
1032. Searchlights of truth burning into
each crisis in my miserable life!
Copy !req
1033. Mother, do you remember
when Harold lay dying in Arizona...
Copy !req
1034. and we fought together, you and I?
Copy !req
1035. Remember, you were by his bedside
and I was out barking – Arf, arf, arf, arf!
Copy !req
1036. I was trying to bring in
a little money to help out.
Copy !req
1037. Remember I used to say, “Step right in!
Step right in! Win your fortune on the ins –”
Copy !req
1038. And then I'd come home, Mother...
Copy !req
1039. and you would tell me
what a good boy I was...
Copy !req
1040. and I would tell you how I wanted
to grow up to be Abraham Lincoln.
Copy !req
1041. Mother?
Copy !req
1042. Mother?
Copy !req
1043. Step right in. Step right in.
Copy !req
1044. Meet real men and riches...
Copy !req
1045. and heart's desire...
Copy !req
1046. on the inside!
Copy !req
1047. Mother, have mercy
on your little dog. Please.
Copy !req
1048. Do you remember...
Copy !req
1049. your little dog?
Copy !req
1050. Arf?
Copy !req
1051. Arf?
Copy !req
1052. Arf.
Copy !req
1053. Arf, arf, arf.
Copy !req
1054. I wish you...
Copy !req
1055. would come home right now...
Copy !req
1056. Mama.
Copy !req
1057. Your Honor, I, uh –
Copy !req
1058. Shit!
Copy !req
1059. All right, goddamn it!
Copy !req
1060. You wanted to hear it.
Copy !req
1061. This is it.
Copy !req
1062. Your Honor...
Copy !req
1063. I did not have a choice.
Copy !req
1064. I mean...
Copy !req
1065. I had to get out.
Copy !req
1066. I had to resign right after the election,
get the pardon...
Copy !req
1067. or follow the Committee of 100's orders
to prepare for a public mandate.
Copy !req
1068. Now, that is a constitutional amendment.
T-That's right, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1069. A third term for my client.
Copy !req
1070. And whatever happened to me after that,
that would've been my problem.
Copy !req
1071. It would've all come out in the end anyway
because the Patman Committee –
Copy !req
1072. Congressman Wright Patman and his –
Copy !req
1073. The American people must understand why
I could not level with my lawyers...
Copy !req
1074. and burn the –
Copy !req
1075. They were stabbing me in the back anyway.
Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1076. Patman and his committee...
Copy !req
1077. they were following all this cash that was coming
into the Committee to Re-elect the President.
Copy !req
1078. Now, CREEP – the committee –
had money in, uh –
Copy !req
1079. Well, shit, Taiwan, of course,
and, uh – and Hong Kong...
Copy !req
1080. and, uh – and Singapore
and Rangoon, I-I –
Copy !req
1081. Millions! Millions of dollars.
Copy !req
1082. All right, Patman, he's a Texas radical,
you know, and he is very bright.
Copy !req
1083. He is onto something here
and he knows it.
Copy !req
1084. I mean, Your Honor, that money...
Copy !req
1085. was flooding into
the Committee to Re-elect the President...
Copy !req
1086. after the president had already
been re-elected, for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
1087. I mean, after the biggest landslide
in American history in 1972.
Copy !req
1088. And Patman, he's saying, “Why is all this
money still coming in to the committee?”
Copy !req
1089. And especially he wants to know,
Your Honor...
Copy !req
1090. why all that money
is coming in from, uh – from Asia.
Copy !req
1091. That money was to be used, Your Honor...
Copy !req
1092. to re-elect Nixon in '76.
Copy !req
1093. You know, “Stick with Dick in '76”
and all that shit, for Christ's –
Copy !req
1094. All right, the Saigon government
is sending back millions of dollars.
Copy !req
1095. I-In the meantime, ol' Henry,
he's out there talking about –
Copy !req
1096. I –
“Peace is at hand,” some shit.
Copy !req
1097. Even I don't know what the hell
he's talking about, for Christ's sake.
Copy !req
1098. Okay, the Saigon government is kicking back
millions of dollars in U.S. aid.
Copy !req
1099. Now, understand this – this is money
that we had originally sent to them.
Copy !req
1100. They're sending it back to me
and to CREEP.
Copy !req
1101. Now, the Committee of 100
said to me...
Copy !req
1102. that they didn't give a shit if I went to China
and got in bed with Chairman Mao.
Copy !req
1103. They didn't give a shit
about Communism.
Copy !req
1104. What they told me was this –
Copy !req
1105. They had to have me in the White House
for eight more years because it involved –
Copy !req
1106. What else?
Money and power.
Copy !req
1107. I mean, millions
for the Bohemian Grove guys...
Copy !req
1108. and billions for the Mob...
Copy !req
1109. because of the, uh –
Copy !req
1110. because of the, uh...
Copy !req
1111. heroin.
Copy !req
1112. Your Honor...
Copy !req
1113. ladies and gentlemen
of the American jury...
Copy !req
1114. your hour has come.
Copy !req
1115. Consider the crisis.
Copy !req
1116. It is the morning after
the smashing victory mandate.
Copy !req
1117. November 8, 1972.
Copy !req
1118. My client, Richard Nixon,
has just received the word...
Copy !req
1119. from the Committee of 100...
Copy !req
1120. and that word was...
Copy !req
1121. “Here is the plan, Richard.”
Copy !req
1122. All right, ladies and gentlemen
of the jury...
Copy !req
1123. point one of that plan –
Copy !req
1124. Continue the war in Vietnam...
Copy !req
1125. until 1976...
Copy !req
1126. whatever the cost.
Copy !req
1127. Uh, point two –
Copy !req
1128. Accept a draft in '76...
Copy !req
1129. for a third term.
Copy !req
1130. Or take it.
Copy !req
1131. Point three –
Copy !req
1132. Seal the deal with China
against the Soviets...
Copy !req
1133. and then...
Copy !req
1134. carve up the markets
of the rest of the goddamn world.
Copy !req
1135. That's it.
That's the plan, Your Honor. Period.
Copy !req
1136. Sure, that is the word...
Copy !req
1137. that my client received
from his masters.
Copy !req
1138. And you know who they are, too.
Copy !req
1139. All right, Your Honor,
what did my client do?
Copy !req
1140. Well, I'll tell you this –
He took the hardest possible way.
Copy !req
1141. He chose to orchestrate the tapes...
Copy !req
1142. like a great drama.
Copy !req
1143. He chose secret honor!
Copy !req
1144. Yeah, sure.
Copy !req
1145. Secret honor.
Copy !req
1146. And public shame.
Copy !req
1147. You know...
Copy !req
1148. I really did...
Copy !req
1149. want to grow up...
Copy !req
1150. to be Abraham Lincoln.
Copy !req
1151. No, no, I did.
Copy !req
1152. But you know what I found out?
Copy !req
1153. I found out that the world
is nothing more than a bunch of...
Copy !req
1154. second-generation mobsters...
Copy !req
1155. and their lawyers...
Copy !req
1156. and the P.R. guys...
Copy !req
1157. and the new-money crooks
who made theirs in the war...
Copy !req
1158. and the old-money crooks
who made theirs selling slaves...
Copy !req
1159. and phony merchandise
to both sides during the Civil –
Copy !req
1160. Look, I didn't want this.
I sure as hell didn't look for it.
Copy !req
1161. But that is what I found!
Copy !req
1162. And I'll tell you something else –
That is what public life is all about!
Copy !req
1163. And I am not the only one!
Copy !req
1164. And if you can't stand the burnt,
then you get the hell out of the, uh –
Copy !req
1165. Y-You get – You get out the –
Copy !req
1166. Shit! Fuck! Piss! You know what the hell
I'm trying to say, for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
1167. Well, so, I, um – I, um –
Copy !req
1168. I had to have a way to, uh,
leak the tapes.
Copy !req
1169. I-I-I-I needed
a deep background source.
Copy !req
1170. I needed a Deep Throat, is what I –
Copy !req
1171. Look, I had to find a way to destroy
that huge '72 popular vote mandate –
Copy !req
1172. Look, I would have been unbeatable in '76.
You understand what I –
Copy !req
1173. I did not want to run in '76!
Copy !req
1174. I – I could not continue...
Copy !req
1175. with this fraud.
Copy !req
1176. I couldn't –
I couldn't go on. I was –
Copy !req
1177. Well, so, um...
Copy !req
1178. Dean, he, uh –
Copy !req
1179. Uh, no. No, no.
It was – It was – It was not Dean.
Copy !req
1180. It was, uh – It was Haig.
Copy !req
1181. He, uh – He carried the ball for me
on the tapes...
Copy !req
1182. and he cut Henry off at the pass
in Paris –
Copy !req
1183. Then that Judas son of a bitch turned out to be
a Rockefeller traitor all the goddamn time!
Copy !req
1184. They knew that I had to go
because they wanted their man.
Copy !req
1185. They wanted Ford in there
for six more years.
Copy !req
1186. They would have got him too,
except that he had to pardon me...
Copy !req
1187. and thereby destroy his chances
for re-election in '76.
Copy !req
1188. Poor bastard.
Copy !req
1189. I –
John Dean, John Dean, John Dean, John –
Copy !req
1190. You know John Dean
did me a favor?
Copy !req
1191. I would have had to invent John Dean!
Copy !req
1192. What the hell. He was young.
He had to watch his ass.
Copy !req
1193. I have nothing against John Dean.
Copy !req
1194. As a matter of fact,
I like John Dean.
Copy !req
1195. No...
Copy !req
1196. I have nothing against any of them...
Copy !req
1197. because we were all
small-fry nothings...
Copy !req
1198. compared to the big guys
up there at Bohemian Grove.
Copy !req
1199. You know what I did?
Copy !req
1200. I sold my soul at Bohemian Grove...
Copy !req
1201. for shit.
Copy !req
1202. I kissed Rockefeller's ass...
Copy !req
1203. and he shit all over me.
Copy !req
1204. Oh, yeah. That's what they do.
Copy !req
1205. Those Eastern pricks!
Copy !req
1206. They fly from New York
to Los Angeles...
Copy !req
1207. shitting every step of the way
on all of us!
Copy !req
1208. And they got a million guys
down there too. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
1209. They can send down
to Central Casting in Hollywood...
Copy !req
1210. and get some dummy
that looks good on the tube –
Copy !req
1211. Mm-hmm!
Copy !req
1212. Some Arrow-collared killer type who –
Copy !req
1213. All right. All right.
Copy !req
1214. Wall Street is asking for Agnew?
Copy !req
1215. You know what I did?
Copy !req
1216. I gave 'em Agnew!
Copy !req
1217. That fucking Agnew!
Copy !req
1218. I mean, he was taking bribes
with both goddamn hands, for Chri –
Copy !req
1219. You know what Agnew did?
You won't even believe this.
Copy !req
1220. Agnew, one time –
Fuckin' Ag –
Copy !req
1221. One day Agnew,
he took a turkey and $200...
Copy !req
1222. right in the office!
Copy !req
1223. A live fucking turkey,
for Christ's sake!
Copy !req
1224. Fucking Agnew!
Copy !req
1225. You see, they wanted more from me.
Copy !req
1226. They wanted everything from me
because I was the hole card.
Copy !req
1227. See, I was the China card.
Copy !req
1228. I was in the middle.
Copy !req
1229. The Rockefeller guys
were screwing me from the rear...
Copy !req
1230. and the China Committee big boys
had me by the nuts up front.
Copy !req
1231. Look, I had to be very cautious...
Copy !req
1232. because Hunt and Liddy
and Krogh and Caulfield –
Copy !req
1233. You know, th-th-the Watergate –
They're all ex-C.I.A., those guys, you know.
Copy !req
1234. They're ex-this and they're ex-that.
Copy !req
1235. And those bastards, they know
where the bodies are buried, see.
Copy !req
1236. So I couldn't just go running in there
and do any goddamn thing I wa –
Copy !req
1237. All right, that money...
Copy !req
1238. is still pouring in from Asia!
Copy !req
1239. And Patman, he –
he's watching all this money –
Copy !req
1240. I mean, it's coming in there...
Copy !req
1241. from Flying Tiger, you know,
and, uh, Air America...
Copy !req
1242. dropping millions of goddamn dollars!
Copy !req
1243. And Patman, he – he –
It was coming in from the Bank of Seoul too.
Copy !req
1244. And, of course,
always from the Bank of Taiwan.
Copy !req
1245. But Patman, he was so fuckin' funny.
Fuckin' – He –
Copy !req
1246. Goddamn Patman, he – he said –
Copy !req
1247. he said – he said – he said – he said –
he said – he said – he said – he said...
Copy !req
1248. “Where the fuck
is all this money coming from?”
Copy !req
1249. I – I just –
Copy !req
1250. You understand...
Copy !req
1251. what it means...
Copy !req
1252. if they catch me?
Copy !req
1253. It means the, uh –
Copy !req
1254. It means the firing squad.
Copy !req
1255. That's right, Your Honor.
Copy !req
1256. That's what it means.
Copy !req
1257. Make no mistake...
Copy !req
1258. about that.
Copy !req
1259. If they catch me – Phfft!
Copy !req
1260. I mean, do you think
that there would be a pardon...
Copy !req
1261. for the man who kept the war going
in Southeast Asia...
Copy !req
1262. in exchange for vast sums of money?
Copy !req
1263. American tax money?
Copy !req
1264. A fortune in blood to be used
to purchase a third term for my client?
Copy !req
1265. I mean, Your Honor, the country
would have boiled over...
Copy !req
1266. because this blood bribery meant
the death of thousands of American boys.
Copy !req
1267. I didn't want that!
I didn't –
Copy !req
1268. I mean, for Christ's sake, who the hell
wants to go down in history...
Copy !req
1269. as a traitor who took bribes
to keep a fucking war going?
Copy !req
1270. You understand then...
Copy !req
1271. why I had to lead the press and the Congress
to the tip of the wrong iceberg?
Copy !req
1272. See, I had to leave a little trail of crimes
and misdemeanors for them to follow...
Copy !req
1273. so that they wouldn't find out
about the treason and stick me in a cage...
Copy !req
1274. like a fucking animal!
Copy !req
1275. I mean, like a...
Copy !req
1276. common criminal.
Copy !req
1277. Your Honor...
Copy !req
1278. the prisoner in the dock...
Copy !req
1279. is guilty of one crime only...
Copy !req
1280. and that crime is being...
Copy !req
1281. Richard Milhous Nixon!
Copy !req
1282. I – I just wanted power.
Copy !req
1283. That's all.
Copy !req
1284. I mean, to be president
you have got to have power!
Copy !req
1285. Without power, you can't do –
You can't – Shit! I –
Copy !req
1286. See, I know that you understand this...
Copy !req
1287. 'cause you had power in World War I –
Copy !req
1288. See, when you've got it, it's nothing.
If you've got it, it's nothing.
Copy !req
1289. They broke your heart too, didn't they?
Copy !req
1290. With the League of Nations.
Copy !req
1291. You know what they wrote about me?
Copy !req
1292. They said at the end...
Copy !req
1293. that I was running around
the White House...
Copy !req
1294. crazy drunk,
talking to the pictures on the walls.
Copy !req
1295. Yes, I was.
Copy !req
1296. I was lonely.
Copy !req
1297. I needed somebody to talk to
besides a machine.
Copy !req
1298. Mother?
Copy !req
1299. Mother?
Copy !req
1300. Mother, I-I-I just –
Copy !req
1301. I just wanted to be a – a man.
Copy !req
1302. Not a nothing, not your dog...
Copy !req
1303. but a real man!
Copy !req
1304. Mother?
Copy !req
1305. Mother!
Copy !req
1306. Yes, Mother, I know what I've done!
Copy !req
1307. Mother. Mother.
Copy !req
1308. Just...
Copy !req
1309. tell me who I am.
Copy !req
1310. Tell me what to do... Mama.
Copy !req
1311. What? No, Mother!
Copy !req
1312. I did not elect myself.
Copy !req
1313. They elected me! Not once, not twice,
but all my goddamn life!
Copy !req
1314. And they would do it again, too,
if they had the chance.
Copy !req
1315. Oh, sure, they said
they didn't trust me.
Copy !req
1316. They said, “Let Dick Nixon do it,”
and I did it!
Copy !req
1317. They said they wouldn't
buy a used car from me...
Copy !req
1318. but they gave me
the biggest vote in American history.
Copy !req
1319. And then they flushed me
down the toilet.
Copy !req
1320. And they wanted me to stay down.
Copy !req
1321. They wanted me to kill myself.
Copy !req
1322. Well, I won't do it.
Copy !req
1323. If they want me dead...
Copy !req
1324. they'll have to do it.
Copy !req
1325. Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1326. Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1327. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1328. - Fuck 'em!
- Four more years!
Copy !req
1329. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1330. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1331. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1332. Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1333. - Four more years!
- Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1334. Fuck 'em!
Copy !req
1335. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req
1336. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req
1337. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req
1338. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req
1339. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req
1340. Four more years! Four more years!
Copy !req