1. - Oh, shit. He's on it.
- Fuck it, it's gonna go.Copy !req
2. - Oh, shit. Whoa.Copy !req
3. - Oh, shit, shit, shit!
- Shit, shit!Copy !req
4. Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Ah, shit! Ah!Copy !req
5. Hey! Hey, somebody!Copy !req
6. Call the fire department.
Get the car.Copy !req
7. We're gonna have to call
air traffic control.Copy !req
8. - I don't see him.
- I don't see him.Copy !req
9. - Ah!
- He's right there.Copy !req
10. He looks like Gonzo up there.Copy !req
11. - There he is!
- There he is!Copy !req
12. - Hey!
- Jim!Copy !req
13. It's Trudy!Copy !req
14. Take one of these.Copy !req
15. Jim, Jim, this is Trudy Wiegel
on the radio.Copy !req
16. Over, 192.Copy !req
17. - Hey, Trudy. Go for Jim.
- This is Raineesha.Copy !req
18. She wants to say something
to you, Jim.Copy !req
19. - Dangle, I see your nuts!Copy !req
20. - That can't be the first
time, can it, Rai-Rai?Copy !req
21. - Jim!Copy !req
22. - So I'm still over Nevada
airspace, yes?Copy !req
23. - You're confirmed
over Nevada airspace, Jim.Copy !req
24. If you could just take
a little peeksyCopy !req
25. inside my neighbor's backyard,Copy !req
26. because I think she may
have stolen my weed whacker.Copy !req
27. I would much appreciate it.
Over, 10-4, good buddy.Copy !req
28. - Trudy, that's a confirmation
on the weed whacker.Copy !req
29. It does look like it is
in your neighbor's yard.Copy !req
30. Is there—not that you guys
aren't being helpful,Copy !req
31. is there anyone on the groundCopy !req
32. who could give me ground
support, do you think?Copy !req
33. - Um...Copy !req
34. - He's heading toward
the Bowling Hall of Fame, Clem.Copy !req
35. You got to head him off.Copy !req
36. - Yeah, I'm all over it.
- I got eyes on him right now.Copy !req
37. I'm chasing him at 90 miles
an hour down 395. Stand by.Copy !req
38. I don't fucking care.Copy !req
39. - He keeps going like this,Copy !req
40. pretty soon he'll be out
of our jurisdiction.Copy !req
41. - We'll see about that.Copy !req
42. - Hey, guys, and good news.
- I found my Go-Gurt.Copy !req
43. Shit.Copy !req
44. What?Copy !req
45. They're shooting at me!Copy !req
46. - But they're not hitting
anything.Copy !req
47. - Damn it!Copy !req
48. - Oh, shit. Sorry, Jim.Copy !req
49. - Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
50. Norman Reedus's company
makes these.Copy !req
51. Ah, shit.Copy !req
52. Ah! Oh!Copy !req
53. - Don't worry, guys.Copy !req
54. I'm actually okay.Copy !req
55. Oh!Copy !req
56. - Except my spine!
- I don't have a spine anymore!Copy !req
57. - Go, go, go, go.Copy !req
58. - These last few years have
been a nightmare to be a cop.Copy !req
59. You're walking on eggshells,Copy !req
60. and it's twice as bad
for someone like me.Copy !req
61. Maybe, like,
a hundred times as bad,Copy !req
62. because I hate everybody.Copy !req
63. I literally
can't stand humanity.Copy !req
64. So for me, I got to get over
hating everybody,Copy !req
65. or my individual hatreds
come off like prejudice.Copy !req
66. I'm a good guy.
I treat everybody the same.Copy !req
67. I fucking hate them.Copy !req
68. - It's been a bad year
for cops, man.Copy !req
69. Between the Antifa/
Black Lives Matter guysCopy !req
70. that have been trying
to defund usCopy !req
71. and the Blue Lives Matter crowd
that actively tried to kill us,Copy !req
72. I should have been a fucking
garbageman like Dad said.Copy !req
73. - To be honest,
I thought I was gonna skate—Copy !req
74. skate by, 'cause,
you know, I'm...Copy !req
75. I'm the hip-hop cop,
you know?Copy !req
76. People like me.Copy !req
77. But it turns out they, uh...Copy !req
78. they lumped me in.Copy !req
79. They lumped me in,
and they hate me too.Copy !req
80. - Good morning, gang.Copy !req
81. - Mm.
- I hate it here.Copy !req
82. - Good morning.Copy !req
83. I know it's been
a rough couple of years.Copy !req
84. - Suck a dick, asshole.Copy !req
85. - You're absolutely allowed
to vent like that.Copy !req
86. Declan, the next time you feel
that rage, and I know—Copy !req
87. Are you on the—
you're on your meds, yeah?Copy !req
88. - Yeah.
- What are they giving you?Copy !req
89. - LSD.Copy !req
90. Everything's fuzzy
on the edges and drips.Copy !req
91. - That's okay.Copy !req
92. But you're not thinking
about hurting anybody, right?Copy !req
93. - Oh, yeah. All the time.Copy !req
94. Whatever Dr. Migifingers
has prescribed to youCopy !req
95. to get through
this trying time,Copy !req
96. stick with that.Copy !req
97. - Why can't we all
just get along, guys?Copy !req
98. - Right?
- How come she's doing okay?Copy !req
99. I don't get it.
She was the most fucked-up oneCopy !req
100. out of all of us,
and somehow she's doing okay.Copy !req
101. - Sorry, that was
my medication alarm.Copy !req
102. - Holy shit.
- That's quite a selection.Copy !req
103. - White wakes me up,
blue calms me down.Copy !req
104. Orange keeps the demons
from dancing all around.Copy !req
105. And then this blue oneCopy !req
106. is so I don't get
bloating and gas,Copy !req
107. and that I don't
shit my pants.Copy !req
108. - What is going on?Copy !req
109. - How do I get me
some of that?Copy !req
110. - You just call the lady
and say,Copy !req
111. "I'm thinking about
harming myself and others."Copy !req
112. You have to say "and,"
not "or."Copy !req
113. - Oh, you said "and others."
- And others. That's it.Copy !req
114. It's the "and others."Copy !req
115. Uh, in other news,
everybody knows Pizza Midget.Copy !req
116. - Oh, yeah, they got them
little midget pizzas.Copy !req
117. - Yeah, um, so apparently
this Q...Copy !req
118. or QAnon,
whatever that is,Copy !req
119. has been, uh, saying defamatory
things about themCopy !req
120. on their message boards
and such.Copy !req
121. - Pedophile ring
in the basement.Copy !req
122. - That's what they said,
but to my knowledge,Copy !req
123. there is not a pedophile ring
in the basement.Copy !req
124. - No.
- Do they have a basement?Copy !req
125. - They don't even
have a basement.Copy !req
126. - No, they don't even
have a pinball machine.Copy !req
127. - So that explains
this document.Copy !req
128. So what's happening is
Pizza MidgetCopy !req
129. is suing QCopy !req
130. for libel.Copy !req
131. And we need to—
- Like "QAnon" Q?Copy !req
132. - Yes. The actual Q.Copy !req
133. We need to put this in the handCopy !req
134. and serve Q.Copy !req
135. - How are we supposed
to find Q?Copy !req
136. The whole thing about Q
is that nobody knows where Q is.Copy !req
137. - Does nobody know—
- That's the whole thing.Copy !req
138. - Is Q even a person?Copy !req
139. - We got to put it in the trunkCopy !req
140. of Mr. "Snuffleufagus."Copy !req
141. - All right, wait,
are you saying "Snuffleufagus"Copy !req
142. or "-upagus"?Copy !req
143. - "-Ufagus."
- Uh-uh.Copy !req
144. - Is it "-upagus"?
- It's "-upagus."Copy !req
145. - Oh, my God, dude,
don't get into this again.Copy !req
146. - I got to get into it.
- I have to get into it.Copy !req
147. Om break!Copy !req
148. all chanting: Om.Copy !req
149. - It's "-upagus."Copy !req
150. - Click on that article
about the Hollywood cabal...Copy !req
151. - There it is.
- See if there's something like,Copy !req
152. "If you want to contact Q,
click here."Copy !req
153. - Contact Q.
- Look at all them peopleCopy !req
154. they said is pedophiles.Copy !req
155. - Yeah.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
156. - Tom Hanks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
157. - I mean, those are some
ugly-looking white people.Copy !req
158. - Steven Spielberg
has actual horns?Copy !req
159. Oh, click on the pillow guy.
The pillow guy.Copy !req
160. - Oh, the pillow guy!Copy !req
161. - There's so many
I could click on, guys.Copy !req
162. - Hey, look at that.
- Okay.Copy !req
163. - Q's Booze Cruise.Copy !req
164. They're having a convention
on a boat.Copy !req
165. - They're actually having—yes.Copy !req
166. "Leaving from Panama, Florida,
to Nassau.Copy !req
167. Fun events, lectures,
get together with QAnon..."Copy !req
168. - I will volunteer.
- I'm dialing the number.Copy !req
169. - I'm dialing. I'm dialing.
- I'm in.Copy !req
170. - I will volunteer to do this.
- I want to do this.Copy !req
171. - Nobody sound like a cop!Copy !req
172. - Uh, yeah, hi.Copy !req
173. Um, I saw your—
the ad for, uh, the—Copy !req
174. - the Q's Booze Cruise.
- Hey, honey!Copy !req
175. Are you on the phone?Copy !req
176. Yes, Daddy.Copy !req
177. - Sorry, I have many,
many childrenCopy !req
178. who need my attention.Copy !req
179. - Daddy, I'm hungry!Copy !req
180. I'm here too, Daddy!Copy !req
181. - I have a blended family,Copy !req
182. and my children
are always pulling at meCopy !req
183. in a million directions.
Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
184. I-I saw the posting
on our amazing—Copy !req
185. our amazing Q site
for the Q's Booze Cruise.Copy !req
186. Oh, that leaves on—
that leaves on Wednesday.Copy !req
187. Uh, is the big guy
gonna be there?Copy !req
188. Are there nine slots available?Copy !req
189. There are?
Great, great, great.Copy !req
190. And how much—
how much are those?Copy !req
191. Do you have anything
cheaper than that?Copy !req
192. You do?Copy !req
193. Do you have anything
slightly cheaper than that?Copy !req
194. That sounds amazing.Copy !req
195. Great. Nine.Copy !req
196. - Yes! Yes!
- Where we go one, we go all!Copy !req
197. - Ah. Stop.Copy !req
198. - Junior Jr.,
please don't paintCopy !req
199. the police car, Junior Jr.Copy !req
200. - I want to paint
the police car,Copy !req
201. and I'm gonna do it anyway!Copy !req
202. - I don't mind getting out
of town for a couple of days.Copy !req
203. - It just goes to show you
that vision-boarding works.Copy !req
204. And I am gonna land me
a bajillionaire,Copy !req
205. because that is what I deserve.Copy !req
206. Oh!Copy !req
207. - Ah! Freedom!Copy !req
208. God, I hate this city.Copy !req
209. - What's in the box,
you ask?Copy !req
210. No one asked that.
I just said it rhetorically.Copy !req
211. I have some friends
in the box.Copy !req
212. Some friends who are my ticketCopy !req
213. out of this shithole.Copy !req
214. - Sitting for paying
customer only.Copy !req
215. - I am going to buy something!Copy !req
216. - My old friend, the sea.Copy !req
217. Mic check. Mic check.Copy !req
218. This is Johnny Tremain.Copy !req
219. - Welcome to Q's Booze Cruise.Copy !req
220. Where we go one,
we go all...Copy !req
221. to shuffleboard, on Deck 3.Copy !req
222. - Thank you,
and have a patriotic day.Copy !req
223. Don't forget
to own the libs.Copy !req
224. - Oh, hi.
- Hello!Copy !req
225. Welcome to Cruise—
Blue's Clues—Copy !req
226. Welcome to Q's
Booze Cruise.Copy !req
227. Yeah. Nailed it.Copy !req
228. - Thank you.
- Hi. I'm, uh, John Tremain.Copy !req
229. - Oh.
- I'm a disgruntled, uh—Copy !req
230. - Ooh, a double-platinum
elegance package.Copy !req
231. - That's us. That's us.
- Love it.Copy !req
232. - Just sign in here.
- Right.Copy !req
233. - John Tremain.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
234. - And the job: laborer.
- Disgruntled laborer.Copy !req
235. - Yes.
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
236. - Thank you. Welcome.
- Great. I don't know—Copy !req
237. - Thank you.
- Hello.Copy !req
238. - Hello. Nice—hello.
- Morning.Copy !req
239. - Hello, ma'am.
- Welcome to Clues BoozeCopy !req
240. Cruise—Q's Bees Cru—
Q's Booze Cruise.Copy !req
241. - You know,
I'm here as an individual.Copy !req
242. I'm not part of his, uh, part...Copy !req
243. - It doesn't matter.
- Just a solo person.Copy !req
244. Everybody's giving me
backstory today.Copy !req
245. - I'm single.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
246. Mahalo.Copy !req
247. "My hollow" stomach's
gonna be filled with buffet!Copy !req
248. - I don't get that.
- I don't get that at all.Copy !req
249. - Oh, my God, I'm gonna play—
I'm playing so much of that.Copy !req
250. - You can't.
- It says you're not allowed.Copy !req
251. - Oh, it's closed.
- Oh, look at that.Copy !req
252. Anybody got a 5
to give the lady—Copy !req
253. Cute lady bellhops,
We give them a 5?Copy !req
254. - I didn't bring any money.
- Hi, how are you? Hi.Copy !req
255. - Stop.
- Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
256. - Before you come on the boat...
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
257. - We have to do health.
- Yeah.Copy !req
258. - We have to do waiver, okay?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
259. Don't read. Just sign.Copy !req
260. - Do not read.
- Initial. Initial. Sign.Copy !req
261. - You have to sign a waiver
to eat at the buffet?Copy !req
262. - Please be quiet.
- I'm doing demonstration, okay?Copy !req
263. - Please be quiet, guys.Copy !req
264. - Ah. Ah. Ah.Copy !req
265. - We take temperature bottom.
- Okay.Copy !req
266. - Oh, right there?
- From the back. Now bend over.Copy !req
267. - He's okay. He's okay.
- Is it okay? Oh, great.Copy !req
268. See? Guys, this is so stupid,
it's easy.Copy !req
269. - I have to check
your genital, okay?Copy !req
270. - Yeah, yeah, of course.
- You just got to check that?Copy !req
271. - No, open more, okay?
- I'm looking.Copy !req
272. - Right after this, we get to go
on the stuff and everything?Copy !req
273. Right up—
- No. Shh!Copy !req
274. - Next!
- Okay, I'm done.Copy !req
275. - Maybe—excuse me,
if I could make a suggestion.Copy !req
276. If the rest of the guys could
just all get your penises out,Copy !req
277. then they're ready for her,
so then we can move it along...Copy !req
278. - That's a great idea.Copy !req
279. - I don't want to take
my penis out.Copy !req
280. - Hello, everyone!Copy !req
281. - Oh, hello!Copy !req
282. - When I say, "hell,"
you say, "lo."Copy !req
283. - Hell.
- Lo!Copy !req
284. - Hey!Copy !req
285. - I am Captain Bonsoifisse.Copy !req
286. And, yes, I am that
Captain Bonsoifisse.Copy !req
287. - Oh!
- Hello. Before you wonder,Copy !req
288. I have been acquitted.
All good.Copy !req
289. - Everything is good now.
- Great.Copy !req
290. - Hola. Bienvenidos.Copy !req
291. Hello. Primero Officer Memes
deporting for duty.Copy !req
292. - That is a joke,Copy !req
293. but by the way,
he actually has been deported.Copy !req
294. - But we cannot talk about it,
okay?Copy !req
295. But welcome. I am so happy
for you to be here.Copy !req
296. I'm a fun guy, but, uh,
we do have some bad news.Copy !req
297. - Oh.
- Unfortunately.Copy !req
298. We are dangerously low on beer.Copy !req
299. - Oh.
- What?Copy !req
300. - We currently have two types
of beer left.Copy !req
301. - Okay.
- It is clam-nado hot beer.Copy !req
302. - Ooh.
- Okay? It is very hot.Copy !req
303. And we also have
a clam lite lime beer.Copy !req
304. - What if you're allergic
to clams?Copy !req
305. - Good question!
- Let's move on!Copy !req
306. - Oh, fun. Fun.
- This is gonna be great.Copy !req
307. - I have something very serious
to talk about now.Copy !req
308. - Great.
- A lot of people sayCopy !req
309. the silent killer at sea
is diarrhea.Copy !req
310. - Mm.
- Not true.Copy !req
311. - Diarrhea at sea can be loud.
- Very loud.Copy !req
312. - Now, in the next three hours,Copy !req
313. I am going to teach you
how to keep your diarrheaCopy !req
314. down by the minutes using our
handy-dandy diarrhea app.Copy !req
315. - Oh, okay, cool.
- With any luck,Copy !req
316. we will be able
to keep your diarrheaCopy !req
317. down to the first
five faces.Copy !req
318. - Okay.
- Is there anythingCopy !req
319. we can specifically avoid
to keep from gettingCopy !req
320. - in the bottom three?
- Yeah.Copy !req
321. - I have never seen a cruise
without diarrhea.Copy !req
322. - You're gonna get it.
- I don't want to get diarrhea.Copy !req
323. - I didn't want to be born
with one legCopy !req
324. slightly shorter than the other,
but I was, and I lived with it,Copy !req
325. and look at me now!
Bon!Copy !req
326. - Listen, I didn't want to live
with my handsy uncleCopy !req
327. when I was nine years old
either,Copy !req
328. but I did it
and we got through it.Copy !req
329. - Unbelievably depressing.Copy !req
330. - Okay, time to go to your room.Copy !req
331. - Sorry. Excuse me.Copy !req
332. Hey, Mr. Memes.
Mr. Memes, hey.Copy !req
333. I just wanted to ask you,
what are you guys—Copy !req
334. how are you guys set
for entertainment on the boat?Copy !req
335. - Uh, you know,
we have the karaoke machine.Copy !req
336. It's out of order,
but, you know...Copy !req
337. - I would love to get
a couple minutesCopy !req
338. just to pitch you something...Copy !req
339. - Okay.
- That I thinkCopy !req
340. could change your lifeCopy !req
341. and save you a small fortuneCopy !req
342. with your entertainment dollar.Copy !req
343. - Oh.
- It goes a very long way.Copy !req
344. - We like to save money
around here.Copy !req
345. - I can tell.Copy !req
346. So—Copy !req
347. This—Copy !req
348. I kind of like it, actually,
down here.Copy !req
349. This is executive
double platinum?Copy !req
350. - Yes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
351. What's below executive
double platinum?Copy !req
352. - Nothing.
- Nothing.Copy !req
353. - You are lowest.
- Right.Copy !req
354. This is rustic.Copy !req
355. Almost to a fault.Copy !req
356. - It's nicer than that place
we had in Loughlin.Copy !req
357. - By a lot.
- And, uh, yes.Copy !req
358. - You know the best part?
- Yeah.Copy !req
359. - No windows.
- Mm.Copy !req
360. - I have a hard time
getting to sleep sometimes,Copy !req
361. but I feel like there's
so little oxygen in hereCopy !req
362. that it's gonna be pretty easy
to doze off.Copy !req
363. - You want to work.
- You want to work a little bitCopy !req
364. when you sleep, you know?Copy !req
365. - Earn your life.
- Earn the trip, you know?Copy !req
366. - Is that a bat?
- Those aren't bats up there?Copy !req
367. - Oh, yes.
- Those are bats?Copy !req
368. - Yes, they come with the room
complimentary.Copy !req
369. - Oh, they're moving.
- Look, they're moving.Copy !req
370. - They're wiggling around.
- That's beautiful.Copy !req
371. - Aw, there's the baby.
- Oh, that's a baby!Copy !req
372. - Aw!
- They're a family.Copy !req
373. Sorry. Excuse me.Copy !req
374. Excuse me. Pardon me.Copy !req
375. Johnny Tremain has landed.Copy !req
376. - Hi.
- Hi!Copy !req
377. - I'm gonna need you
to check your guns.Copy !req
378. - I'm good, actually.
- Oh...Copy !req
379. - No, last Q conference
in Dallas,Copy !req
380. there was open carry.Copy !req
381. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, 42 peopleCopy !req
382. had catastrophic injuries
at bingo night.Copy !req
383. - Oh, well, that makes sense.
- Yeah.Copy !req
384. - He has a code he lives by.Copy !req
385. Will you just pry it
from his hand?Copy !req
386. - Just pry it.
- Okay!Copy !req
387. - If you don't pry it,
he can't give it.Copy !req
388. - Once you're off the boat,
Second Amendment.Copy !req
389. - You're the—
You're the pink hat—Copy !req
390. - That's you!
- Yeah, that's me.Copy !req
391. - You're the lady
from the peaceful protest.Copy !req
392. - Yeah.
- Remind me?Copy !req
393. - Yeah, she pooped
in Nancy Pelosi's deskCopy !req
394. - at the big peaceful protest.
- You did not!Copy !req
395. - Yeah.
- You're that lady?Copy !req
396. - Yeah. Remember?
- Look at that.Copy !req
397. - Oh, my gosh! Whoa!Copy !req
398. - You know Charlie Kirk.Copy !req
399. - Color me starstruck.Copy !req
400. - Wow.
- Holy cow.Copy !req
401. - Would you like to buy
a copy of my book?Copy !req
402. - You wrote a long book.
- Yes, please. How much is it?Copy !req
403. Well, they're $9.99,
but $49.99 if I autograph it.Copy !req
404. - Oh.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
405. - We'll just look at it.Copy !req
406. - We're gonna look at it and
remember it was really great.Copy !req
407. - Well, think about it.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
408. This was great.Copy !req
409. I'm sure there's tons
of big starsCopy !req
410. that we're gonna meet, so...Copy !req
411. - I mean, I heard—Copy !req
412. I heard Q was here.Copy !req
413. - So where's his book table?Copy !req
414. Or her book—
their book table?Copy !req
415. - The Q.
- Do—do we—Copy !req
416. do you recognize him?Copy !req
417. Here?Copy !req
418. - Okay, I don't know who he is.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
419. - But I-I know he's handsome.Copy !req
420. I know he's white,
but that's all I know.Copy !req
421. - Well, we all assume.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
422. - What?Copy !req
423. - Are those the Black Lives
Don't Matter peopleCopy !req
424. with the little tiny guns?Copy !req
425. - I want a picture!
- I got to get a picture!Copy !req
426. - Got to go. Got to go.
- Have a good conference.Copy !req
427. - It was nice meeting you!
- Thank you.Copy !req
428. Oh. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
429. - Hey.Copy !req
430. Fan out. Reconnaissance.Copy !req
431. Don't do anything to draw
extra attention to us, okay?Copy !req
432. - No.Copy !req
433. - Fan out. Recon mode.Copy !req
434. Can you hear me?Copy !req
435. Tremain to Chet.Copy !req
436. - Trudy.
- Yes?Copy !req
437. - What's with the dress?Copy !req
438. - It's part of our backstory.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
439. - You and I...Copy !req
440. - we're a couple.
- Yeah.Copy !req
441. - You...Copy !req
442. are a 79-year-old PresbyterianCopy !req
443. who owns an auto parts
dealership in FresnoCopy !req
444. that you bought with your dead
grandma's money.Copy !req
445. I am a 29-year-old trophy wife
who has a keen eye for fashionCopy !req
446. and a masters degree
in birds and things.Copy !req
447. I...Copy !req
448. have one flaw,Copy !req
449. and it's that sometimes
I'm a little too nice.Copy !req
450. Our neighbor Rodrigo
has three dogs.Copy !req
451. One of them is missing.Copy !req
452. We think the nephew took him.Copy !req
453. I think he may have
eaten him.Copy !req
454. If you panic,
squeeze my hand 11 timesCopy !req
455. and we will start making out,
got it?Copy !req
456. - Okay.Copy !req
457. - Trudy?
- Hmm?Copy !req
458. You still didn't
explain the dress.Copy !req
459. - Oh, I never got
to that part in the story.Copy !req
460. I think I'm wearing
the wrong outfit.Copy !req
461. - It's okay.Copy !req
462. - Hello, um, strange...Copy !req
463. people.Copy !req
464. - And the deep state's really,
really...Copy !req
465. - doing—but—getting us hard.
- This is my husband.Copy !req
466. Our neighbor's name
is Rodrigo.Copy !req
467. - Don't do the whole thing.
- He has three dogs,Copy !req
468. but one of them is missing.Copy !req
469. - That's Raineesha.
- It's Raineesha.Copy !req
470. - It's a horrible story.Copy !req
471. - You recognize Raineesha,
right?Copy !req
472. - I didn't at first,
I got to be honest.Copy !req
473. - I didn't think you did.
- Those are very distracting.Copy !req
474. - You should put them away.
- Nice meeting you, Coco.Copy !req
475. - So nice to meet y'all too.Copy !req
476. A beautiful QAnon couple.Copy !req
477. - You should see him
with his pants off.Copy !req
478. - Hollywood's full of vampires.
- Nothing but vampires.Copy !req
479. - So nice to meet you,
Julian.Copy !req
480. And thank you again
for getting me this free drink.Copy !req
481. - Yeah, if I could have
bought it, I would.Copy !req
482. I couldn't buy it, though.
I couldn't buy it.Copy !req
483. - So good to be here.
- I'm surprised.Copy !req
484. You know, 'cause I ain't think
they was gonna haveCopy !req
485. too many Blacks around here.Copy !req
486. - Yeah, it's a lot
of white folk, ain't it?Copy !req
487. Let me tell you
a little bit about myself.Copy !req
488. - I'm listening.
- I'm an entrepreneur.Copy !req
489. - Mm!
- I own a couple of businesses.Copy !req
490. - Well?
- Yeah. I do real estate.Copy !req
491. - So, yeah...
- Married?Copy !req
492. - No, I am not married.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
493. - I'm gonna step a little closer.
- Okay, come on.Copy !req
494. I'm single.Copy !req
495. Look at you!Copy !req
496. Oh, you got me blushing
up in here.Copy !req
497. Golly. I also like to, um,
collect my poop,Copy !req
498. so the government
does not clone me.Copy !req
499. - M'kay.Copy !req
500. - So you guys know
who, uh, Q is?Copy !req
501. - Q?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
502. - That's a weird question.
- Let me ask you something.Copy !req
503. You guys cops?Copy !req
504. - That's what I'm wondering.Copy !req
505. That's like
a cop-like question.Copy !req
506. - Yeah.
- "Do you know who Q is?"Copy !req
507. - You know about
aliens and stuff.Copy !req
508. Let's not get into
the grays, all right?Copy !req
509. Aliens are real.Copy !req
510. You got to be careful
of them too,Copy !req
511. 'cause they will abduct you.Copy !req
512. It's happened.Copy !req
513. And let's not talk
about the probing.Copy !req
514. Did—did they get
whatever was in you?Copy !req
515. I hope so.Copy !req
516. I hope so.Copy !req
517. - Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
518. Uh, welcome, searchers,
pioneers, and patriots.Copy !req
519. I-I hate to start off
with bad news,Copy !req
520. but Sidney Powell will not
be giving our keynote address.Copy !req
521. She is under house arrest
right now.Copy !req
522. Uh, I apologize.Copy !req
523. And, again, ever hopeful,
ever forward.Copy !req
524. That is what we believe here.Copy !req
525. Yes, thank you.Copy !req
526. So, um, you know,
Q is a question,Copy !req
527. a query, and a quest.Copy !req
528. And pretty soon,
it is going to be a quality,Copy !req
529. much like the quality time
that many of us are being deniedCopy !req
530. spending with our kidsCopy !req
531. because of divorce court judges,Copy !req
532. resentful ex-wives,Copy !req
533. traitorous family membersCopy !req
534. who screenshot
our Instagram postsCopy !req
535. to show family counselors who
are deciding visitation rights,Copy !req
536. who are believing the lies
of the deep state.Copy !req
537. Those masks will be lifted.Copy !req
538. We are about to experienceCopy !req
539. much the same experienceCopy !req
540. that Rowdy Roddy Piper
experiencedCopy !req
541. in the movie "They Live,"Copy !req
542. when the...Copy !req
543. - Yeah!
- When the big, uh,Copy !req
544. deep state illusion beam
was finally destroyed.Copy !req
545. That will soon happen for us.Copy !req
546. That is what Q is doing.Copy !req
547. And the masks will be lifted.Copy !req
548. All of that will be lifted.Copy !req
549. Q has cracked the code,Copy !req
550. and once you crack the code,Copy !req
551. it is so easy to see
what is hidden out there.Copy !req
552. What is keeping you from—
from real strength.Copy !req
553. From real reality.Copy !req
554. From real love.Copy !req
555. That kind of code-crackingCopy !req
556. is what we are hereCopy !req
557. on this ship doing.Copy !req
558. You're the only ones
who can see it.Copy !req
559. And thank you guys so much
for being on this cruise.Copy !req
560. Full truth ahead.Copy !req
561. And, um, everyone
enjoy the cruise.Copy !req
562. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
563. - Heil Hitler!Copy !req
564. - No, Trudy, no.
- Trudy, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
565. I mean, kind of.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
566. - She's right, yeah, yeah.
- Right?Copy !req
567. - I mean, heil all kinds of—
- Heil everybody.Copy !req
568. - Check with staff
before you useCopy !req
569. any restrooms on the second,
third,Copy !req
570. fourth, and sixth floor.Copy !req
571. - Morning, gang.Copy !req
572. - Good morning.
- Good morning.Copy !req
573. - Morning.Copy !req
574. Oh, God. Ooh.Copy !req
575. - Hot, right?Copy !req
576. - It feels like almost
dangerously so.Copy !req
577. - Yeah.
- Yeah, creeps up on you.Copy !req
578. - Johnny Tremain
has a thought over here.Copy !req
579. The little bird, the, uh...Copy !req
580. the speaker.Copy !req
581. Little weirdy
with the short arms.Copy !req
582. - Oh.
- Eyeballs all over you.Copy !req
583. - Mm-hmm.
- Saw that.Copy !req
584. - I thought he was looking
at me.Copy !req
585. - Mm-mm.
- No, I think he's got a...Copy !req
586. - He got a motor...
- He got a Marty Feldman?Copy !req
587. - Yeah. Well...Copy !req
588. - I thought he was
looking at my vag.Copy !req
589. - He got a little bit.
- Nope.Copy !req
590. - Here's what I'm thinking.Copy !req
591. That horrible little
weird little midget man.Copy !req
592. - Yeah.
- He feels like he's gotCopy !req
593. an itch he needs to scratch.Copy !req
594. - Is this code too?
- Yes.Copy !req
595. - Clemmie, code name: Roxy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
596. - Could get next
to that little weirdo.Copy !req
597. - Know what I mean?
- Easy.Copy !req
598. - Honey trap.
- Seduction.Copy !req
599. - I did it to become
Miss Teen Whiskey Pete's,Copy !req
600. and I can do it now.Copy !req
601. - I believe the after-partyCopy !req
602. is on the lido deck at 7:00.Copy !req
603. Perhaps there
we should lay our trap.Copy !req
604. - I have never felt
such a sense of purpose.Copy !req
605. It's been a long time.Copy !req
606. - On behalf of the Reno
Sheriff's Department,Copy !req
607. I authorize you to go to third,
but not home.Copy !req
608. - This might be kind of obvious,Copy !req
609. but home is—
home run is vag.Copy !req
610. What would butt stuff be?Copy !req
611. - Grand slam.Copy !req
612. Finishing in the butt?Copy !req
613. - That's a walk-off.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
614. But what if you finish with
your peen between the teets?Copy !req
615. - What is that called?
- Sometimes it's just an error.Copy !req
616. - Who is currently planning
a coup in Venezuela?Copy !req
617. Is it Obama?
Hillary Clinton?Copy !req
618. George Soros?
All of the above?Copy !req
619. Which is the best chan?Copy !req
620. 4chan? 8chan?Copy !req
621. 69chan?Copy !req
622. German chancellor Angela Merkel
is, in fact,Copy !req
623. a robot sent to the future
by Adolf Hitler...Copy !req
624. - Ooh! Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
625. - I'm so clumsy.
- So close here. Um...Copy !req
626. - I really liked what you were
doing onstage today.Copy !req
627. - I noticed.Copy !req
628. - Um...Copy !req
629. You...Copy !req
630. You know a lot about this—
this Q.Copy !req
631. This mysterious Q.Copy !req
632. - I mean...Copy !req
633. do you have a couple hours?
Because—Copy !req
634. - I do.
- Oh. Well, um...Copy !req
635. Q is something I would like
to talk about with you.Copy !req
636. That was a Q symbol
I just did on your shoulder.Copy !req
637. - Listen, I, am...Copy !req
638. waxed, chillaxed,
and unvaxxed.Copy !req
639. So...Copy !req
640. - Mr. Memes.Copy !req
641. Enchanting ladiesCopy !req
642. from...
the mysterious east,Copy !req
643. prepare for little Mr. Jimmy
and friends,Copy !req
644. available in your
floating showroomCopy !req
645. in perpetuityCopy !req
646. across the seven seas.Copy !req
647. Now, sit back and enjoyCopy !req
648. 187 minutesCopy !req
649. of world-class puppetry.Copy !req
650. Oh, fuck.
Oh, got it.Copy !req
651. Hi, Mom!Copy !req
652. Here we go!Copy !req
653. Better get ready
to start the show.Copy !req
654. - Oh...
- Hey.Copy !req
655. - Good to see you.Copy !req
656. - Beautiful night, huh?Copy !req
657. - Yeah.Copy !req
658. I guess you could
call it that.Copy !req
659. - You know,
there used to be a sayingCopy !req
660. when I was in school.Copy !req
661. Why think when you can drink?Copy !req
662. My private stash.
Go ahead.Copy !req
663. - I like that saying.
- Mai tai.Copy !req
664. - Yeah. Now it's...Copy !req
665. Our tai.Copy !req
666. - Cheers.
- Oh!Copy !req
667. Have you ever played
"I Ain't Never"?Copy !req
668. - "I Ain't Never."
- I don't—Copy !req
669. - It's the Black version of
"Never Have I Ever."Copy !req
670. - Well, you know,
that game is probablyCopy !req
671. a lot more fun with women.Copy !req
672. - I'll start.
- Okay.Copy !req
673. - I ain't never...Copy !req
674. run a ship aground
in Puerto Rico,Copy !req
675. thinking that I saw someone
that I knew.Copy !req
676. Yeah? Mm. Mm.Copy !req
677. - That's so specific to you.
- Ah!Copy !req
678. - I need you to do me a favor.
- Hmm?Copy !req
679. - Take these keys.
- I am...Copy !req
680. way too messed up to drive.Copy !req
681. - I'm gonna walk away now.Copy !req
682. - I'm going to watch you.Copy !req
683. Bon!Copy !req
684. - Voyage.Copy !req
685. What the fuck?Copy !req
686. - How was everybody's
intermission?Copy !req
687. Act trois.Copy !req
688. In which we travel...Copy !req
689. south of the border.Copy !req
690. Fuck it. I'm sorry.Copy !req
691. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.Copy !req
692. Fuck it. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
693. Hernan is about to learnCopy !req
694. a little lesson
about amigo-ship.Copy !req
695. And when you're on a ship,Copy !req
696. friend—friendship is the—Copy !req
697. Ah, fuck it. Sorry.Copy !req
698. Hernan's gonna learn a lesson,Copy !req
699. that when we're helping
other people...Copy !req
700. Hernan—fuck it, fuck it.
Fuck it!Copy !req
701. We're gonna skip ahead.Copy !req
702. Skip ahead, skip ahead.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.Copy !req
703. - Oh!Copy !req
704. Time to take my medication.Copy !req
705. Oh, shit.Copy !req
706. Meh, should be fine.Copy !req
707. Look at you.Copy !req
708. Did you steal that gown
from a princess?Copy !req
709. - Well, it's a Frozen
Halloween costumeCopy !req
710. that I bought at Rite Aid,
so, yeah, kind of.Copy !req
711. I'm Xavier Rothchild III.Copy !req
712. I quit a successful career
in the cinemaCopy !req
713. to become a doctor for cats.Copy !req
714. And now,
I go wherever I'm needed,Copy !req
715. which is anywhere a cat
needs a doctor.Copy !req
716. - Isn't that a...Copy !req
717. a veterinarian,
technically?Copy !req
718. - I don't think so.Copy !req
719. - Okay.Copy !req
720. Well, my name is Trudy.Copy !req
721. I am an undercover cop,Copy !req
722. which I'm not
supposed to say,Copy !req
723. but I kind of feel likeCopy !req
724. you and I are getting along
really well,Copy !req
725. and I can probably tell you
all my secrets, so...Copy !req
726. - You can tell me anything.Copy !req
727. - Trudy?
- Yeah?Copy !req
728. - Would you like to join me
for a cocktailCopy !req
729. and a walk around the ship?Copy !req
730. - Well, I'm supposed to join
my friends on the lower deckCopy !req
731. for a diarrhea test,Copy !req
732. but I suppose I could.Copy !req
733. - Oh, these are not for us.Copy !req
734. Uh, I put out
a cigarette in this.Copy !req
735. Sorry, let me get us
some fresh drinks.Copy !req
736. - I'm not thirsty.
- I'm not thirsty.Copy !req
737. - It's okay,
come with me.Copy !req
738. - Okay.
- Come with me.Copy !req
739. - No, Caesar,Copy !req
740. I will not renounce
the Christ.Copy !req
741. This Christ seems to haveCopy !req
742. a power over mens' souls.Copy !req
743. My name is James Ron Dangle.
That is the show.Copy !req
744. I'm 66 years young.Copy !req
745. I'm between apartments
right now.Copy !req
746. I would love—
in fact, need—Copy !req
747. to do this for you.Copy !req
748. But it's not just me
you have to thankCopy !req
749. for tonight's entertainment.Copy !req
750. Let's meet allCopy !req
751. of the 88 performersCopy !req
752. who just brought you
this wonderful tale.Copy !req
753. - Who eats baby hearts
to stay young-looking?Copy !req
754. Kate Beckinsale?
Gwyneth Paltrow?Copy !req
755. Ryan Seacrest?Copy !req
756. - I'm in, um...Copy !req
757. I'm in Cabin 1503.Copy !req
758. - Okay.
- 1-5-0-3.Copy !req
759. - 1503.Copy !req
760. - Which is, um, you know,Copy !req
761. March 15th backwards,
you know.Copy !req
762. The Ides of March.Copy !req
763. It kind of makes sense
they gave me that room.Copy !req
764. - I'm gonna take your word
for that.Copy !req
765. I liked this when I understood
what you were talking about,Copy !req
766. and I feel like
where you were goingCopy !req
767. was you were going to
ask me to...Copy !req
768. go bang in your room.Copy !req
769. I felt like that's where
this was headed.Copy !req
770. - Let me—really quick,
could I just, um...Copy !req
771. Would you come bang in my room?Copy !req
772. - Let me tell you
what I'm looking for from you.Copy !req
773. - Oh, okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
774. We're gonna boneCopy !req
775. and we're gonna talk about Q.Copy !req
776. We're gonna listen
to some smooth jazz.Copy !req
777. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
778. - And we're gonna make thisCopy !req
779. the best two-day booze cruiseCopy !req
780. in all of history.Copy !req
781. - Prepare to have your mind
and, uh, vagina blown apart.Copy !req
782. - Ah.Copy !req
783. - You got this.
- You got this.Copy !req
784. You give this guy
a blowner,Copy !req
785. he might accidentally
tell the truth.Copy !req
786. Happens to me.Copy !req
787. - He's not gonna get
too far in my pants.Copy !req
788. I've got an old-school Cotex
with a belt.Copy !req
789. - That's my girl.
- Impenetrable.Copy !req
790. - Well, well, well.Copy !req
791. - What do we have here?
- Oh, man!Copy !req
792. Talking about the kraken.Copy !req
793. - Why are you guys living
down here in the basement?Copy !req
794. - It was a package deal.
- It was a package.Copy !req
795. It seemed like—
they make it sound way nicer.Copy !req
796. - Very affordable.Copy !req
797. - Hey, man,
how about the great awakening?Copy !req
798. - Yeah. The storm.Copy !req
799. - Epstein didn't kill himself,
right?Copy !req
800. - Ha-ha!
- The storm's coming.Copy !req
801. - Come on.
- So, uh...Copy !req
802. word has it you guys...Copy !req
803. know who Q is.Copy !req
804. - Why would we?
- I mean...Copy !req
805. I'd give my body freely to Q,
just on principle.Copy !req
806. - Fine.Copy !req
807. - FBI, guys.
- Whoa!Copy !req
808. - Oh!
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
809. - Federal Bureau
of Investigation.Copy !req
810. - God damn it.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
811. - What a good badge.
- Okay...Copy !req
812. Reno Sheriff's Department.Copy !req
813. - You're kidding me?Copy !req
814. - My name is not
Jonny Tremain.Copy !req
815. - You're deep cover
looking for...Copy !req
816. - No way.Copy !req
817. - Oh, hey! Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
818. - Oh!
- Oh, man!Copy !req
819. - So the deep state...
- Yes.Copy !req
820. - Is gonna just do...Copy !req
821. - Oh. You can cut the shit.
- I'm CIA.Copy !req
822. - You're CIA?Copy !req
823. - I'm with Vice News.Copy !req
824. Is anyone QAnon
on this whole boat?Copy !req
825. - Hold on, I'm with
"Mother Jones" journal, man.Copy !req
826. You think I would be here—Copy !req
827. I wouldn't be wearing
all these flags and shit.Copy !req
828. - I'm a Black man.
- I thought you were a real Q.Copy !req
829. - I thought you were real.
- Yeah, you were good!Copy !req
830. - You look amazing.
- You look like that lady.Copy !req
831. - Thank you. I know.
- I really do look like her.Copy !req
832. - Now that I see you,Copy !req
833. I've seen you on Vice News
thousands of times.Copy !req
834. - Yes.
- This is the ladyCopy !req
835. from Vice News-
- Oh!Copy !req
836. You made that Nazi guy cryCopy !req
837. in the thing
with the Proud Boys.Copy !req
838. I've masturbated to you.Copy !req
839. - Since we're all
law enforcement,Copy !req
840. how about we, uh,
pool our resources?Copy !req
841. - Why would we do that?
- We got a beat on them.Copy !req
842. I mean, we-we...Copy !req
843. - We don't have any...Copy !req
844. - No, we're good.
- What's in it for us?Copy !req
845. - Look, we're the FBI.Copy !req
846. We've got all
the high-tech shit.Copy !req
847. Cameras, audio equipment.
You name it, we've got it.Copy !req
848. How about a wire for her?Copy !req
849. - Yeah.
- Yup.Copy !req
850. - Yeah, let's wire her up.Copy !req
851. - Working with the FBI! Whoo!
- Sweet.Copy !req
852. And CIA. Hi.Copy !req
853. - Come in.Copy !req
854. - Oh.Copy !req
855. Hello, patriot.Copy !req
856. - Hello, my cool ranch
Kate Winslet.Copy !req
857. - How are you? Mwah.Copy !req
858. - Oh, I love that you
left your shoes on.Copy !req
859. - Oh, well, you know,Copy !req
860. you got to have
a couple of thingsCopy !req
861. to throw off later.Copy !req
862. I love a stakeout.Copy !req
863. - It's the best.
- It's the best.Copy !req
864. Good just—
good coffee.Copy !req
865. You get to smoke
in a tiny room.Copy !req
866. I know it's a little
on the nose, but,Copy !req
867. man, if we had, like,
old Chinese takeout,Copy !req
868. - wouldn't that be amazing?
- Oh! Takeout.Copy !req
869. - Yeah, yeah, that's—
that's good.Copy !req
870. - We're gonna get this guy.Copy !req
871. Hope you don't mind
that I didn't make the bed.Copy !req
872. I didn't want to try
to hide the lieCopy !req
873. that I had been tossing
and turningCopy !req
874. and thinking of you.Copy !req
875. - Because I have been.Copy !req
876. - Well, great.Copy !req
877. It smells so masculine
in here.Copy !req
878. - Oh, well, that is the spicy
cheese puffs.Copy !req
879. And if you're thirsty,
the clam lite lime.Copy !req
880. - Oh.
- I would, uh, open one,Copy !req
881. but I'm, um—Copy !req
882. The clam lime kind of,
you know...Copy !req
883. it's a kind of rush hour deal
right through me, so...Copy !req
884. - Oh, as someone who has hadCopy !req
885. the clam lite lime
splatter shits before,Copy !req
886. believe me, I shat my underwear
right off one time.Copy !req
887. - Oh, um, sorry,Copy !req
888. but vocalization leads to
visualization,Copy !req
889. leads to realization.Copy !req
890. - Be right back in a second.
- Okay.Copy !req
891. - I'm just gonna
leave the door openCopy !req
892. and talk to you from here.Copy !req
893. - Great, I have no problem
with that at all.Copy !req
894. - So seriously,
thanks for coming...Copy !req
895. Uh, to just, you know,
I guess hang out and talk.Copy !req
896. Most people—it's really rare
when a woman comes into my room.Copy !req
897. I don't believe that.Copy !req
898. You strike me as quite the lad—Copy !req
899. Lady-killer. Oh.Copy !req
900. I wish I had some of those—Copy !req
901. What are those matches
with the kind of—Copy !req
902. Anyway, I just think
you're really pretty.Copy !req
903. - And...
- So do I.Copy !req
904. And that's something
we have in common, Ron.Copy !req
905. - It's like we were
talking about earlier.Copy !req
906. Just, you know,
feeling so alone and, like,Copy !req
907. there's no one you can...Copy !req
908. - I hear it. I hear it. Go.Copy !req
909. - Oh, okay, okay.
- It's fine. Yeah, I hear it.Copy !req
910. - Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
911. This'll be—
this'll be a quick one.Copy !req
912. - Yeah?
- Yeah, just a little quick jet.Copy !req
913. A little quick jet! Oh!Copy !req
914. - She should be getting
extra combat pay.Copy !req
915. - Whoo!
- That one had a bone in it.Copy !req
916. - Tell me some things, Ron.Copy !req
917. You have such a way
about you.Copy !req
918. I...Copy !req
919. I bet you have a lot of...Copy !req
920. secrets, maybe,
that people don't understand.Copy !req
921. - Actually hitting the nail
on the head.Copy !req
922. I...Copy !req
923. I mean...Copy !req
924. in a way,Copy !req
925. I am a secret.Copy !req
926. Forget—nothing, nothing.
Forget I said that.Copy !req
927. I...Copy !req
928. - Go on.Copy !req
929. I'm listening.Copy !req
930. I'm here for whatever
you want to say.Copy !req
931. - And this will just stay
between us?Copy !req
932. - Obviously.Copy !req
933. - Because I don't think
I ever want to leave your side.Copy !req
934. Right now...Copy !req
935. YouCopy !req
936. are scratching the back...Copy !req
937. Of Q.Copy !req
938. I'm Q.Copy !req
939. - He's Q.Copy !req
940. - This guy's Q?
- This guy's Q. He's Q.Copy !req
941. - This is Q.
- Shit. Go!Copy !req
942. - Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Oh, shit! I'm sorry.Copy !req
943. Let's go, let's go, let's go!Copy !req
944. - Here's to butt stuff.Copy !req
945. - Always.
- Mm.Copy !req
946. - Freeze! Freeze!
- Freeze! Police!Copy !req
947. - Pizza Midget says hello!Copy !req
948. - Fuck you, deep state!Copy !req
949. - Oh, my—
- Get him!Copy !req
950. No, after you.Copy !req
951. - Let me lick it!
- No, don't lick it!Copy !req
952. Jesus Christ!
Get him off me!Copy !req
953. - Freeze!Copy !req
954. - Hey! Hey! Hey!Copy !req
955. - Don't you move—Copy !req
956. - You're not canceling me!Copy !req
957. - He's getting away!Copy !req
958. - Out of my way, lib-tards!Copy !req
959. - Get one of the—
- Junior, Junior! Shit!Copy !req
960. - What's happening?
- Uh, okay, uh,Copy !req
961. what do you do?Copy !req
962. - You push the red thing!
- You push the red thing!Copy !req
963. - Where's the red thing?Copy !req
964. - Hold on, guys.
- Hold on, I got it.Copy !req
965. Slow and steady
wins the race.Copy !req
966. Ow!Copy !req
967. - Freeze, you little weirdo!Copy !req
968. It's okay, guys!Copy !req
969. I'll just use
my getaway sticks.Copy !req
970. - Here she comes.
- The jig is up.Copy !req
971. We know you're Q, guy.Copy !req
972. - Q is bigger than me!
- Q is bigger than all of this!Copy !req
973. - I got a shot!
- I got a shot!Copy !req
974. Sorry, undercover deputies
working on behalfCopy !req
975. of Pizza Midget.
Sorry, we have badges, I swear.Copy !req
976. - Help me, Roger Stone!Copy !req
977. - Don't shoot the food, Dangle!Copy !req
978. - Oh!Copy !req
979. - Hey! Hey!
- I got him!Copy !req
980. Ha! Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
981. - Freeze! Sheriff's Department!Copy !req
982. - I'm coming for you, my love!Copy !req
983. - Ron, over here!Copy !req
984. - You'll never catch Q!Copy !req
985. You've been served.Copy !req
986. - I'm gonna blog so hard
about this on my Reddit thread.Copy !req
987. - That is how you do it.Copy !req
988. Clemmie, is your clam-nado lime
disagreeing with you?Copy !req
989. - It's just not taking me
where I want to go.Copy !req
990. - Oh, God, that's so hot.Copy !req
991. You did great, kid.Copy !req
992. Then why do I feel so shitty?Copy !req
993. - Maybe part of you is sad
just because he's so gross.Copy !req
994. - He's so gross,Copy !req
995. and you've had a lot
of clam-nado lime now.Copy !req
996. It's probably just that.Copy !req
997. When I was feeling
mixed up and confused,Copy !req
998. which I did a lot,Copy !req
999. my Uncle Frederick
used to sing meCopy !req
1000. a little song that went
just like this.Copy !req
1001. - Whoo!Copy !req
1002. - Yeah!Copy !req
1003. - That's great.Copy !req
1004. I hate to break up
whatever this is,Copy !req
1005. but, uh, Ron is not Q.Copy !req
1006. He's a gym instructor
from Fresno.Copy !req
1007. - I guess Arby's has, like,
a restraining order against him.Copy !req
1008. - That's it.
- Sorry, guys.Copy !req
1009. - Sorry.Copy !req
1010. - One more time from the top?Copy !req
1011. - The ship has officially
run out of toilet paper.Copy !req
1012. Please use
your assigned towel.Copy !req
1013. - I can't believe I played
stinky pinkieCopy !req
1014. with someone who wasn't Q.Copy !req
1015. - Oh, okay.Copy !req
1016. - I hear steel drums.Copy !req
1017. I smell coconuts.Copy !req
1018. - Oh! We're in Nassau.
- Whoo!Copy !req
1019. - We're in Nassau!Copy !req
1020. - Nassau! Nassau! Nassau!Copy !req
1021. Nassau! Nassau!Copy !req
1022. - Okay, everybody!Copy !req
1023. Please, attention.
Open your orejas, please.Copy !req
1024. I have some bad news.Copy !req
1025. I have just been told that we
have a super strain of diarrhea.Copy !req
1026. The worst diarrhea known to man.Copy !req
1027. No one can dock in Nassau.Copy !req
1028. We are officially quarantined
here.Copy !req
1029. - What?
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1030. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Mr. Memes.Copy !req
1031. - We've been bubbled
this whole time.Copy !req
1032. - You are not keeping us
on this ship!Copy !req
1033. We have already had
the worst diarrhea!Copy !req
1034. We're a pod. We're fine.
We're going. Good day.Copy !req
1035. - Nobody,
absolutely zero people,Copy !req
1036. will be able
to leave this boat.Copy !req
1037. - All right, you guys,Copy !req
1038. enjoy your search for Q.Copy !req
1039. - Bye, guys.
- Thank you!Copy !req
1040. - That's a sad look.Copy !req
1041. - Except for these guys.
- They have to leave.Copy !req
1042. - Hey, Asians, Hispanic dude.Copy !req
1043. - Uh-oh. Oh, oh...Copy !req
1044. - As minorities...
- That's it, that's it.Copy !req
1045. We need to stick together,
all right?Copy !req
1046. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
1047. Like, if my back
can wash yours,Copy !req
1048. then maybe you
can wash mine, right?Copy !req
1049. - Yeah, man,
me and my boy here,Copy !req
1050. we just like to party
up in the—Copy !req
1051. - No! No!Copy !req
1052. - No?
- No, no.Copy !req
1053. So how many days
are we gonna be quarantined?Copy !req
1054. - Just a short,
happy 30 days.Copy !req
1055. - What?Copy !req
1056. - I got it. Let go!
- No!Copy !req
1057. No! No!Copy !req
1058. - I know you're watching me.Copy !req
1059. - I know you know
I'm watching you.Copy !req
1060. - I know you know
I knew it.Copy !req
1061. Okay, bye-bye. Go.Copy !req
1062. That's all you get.
Use front, use back.Copy !req
1063. - Hey, Travis...
- Huh?Copy !req
1064. - Why are you doing
all those so fast?Copy !req
1065. - Toilet paper, Boss.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
1066. - How long we been
quarantined?Copy !req
1067. - Almost a half-hour.Copy !req
1068. - Well, look at you.Copy !req
1069. - Nice to see you again,
Clemmie,Copy !req
1070. or should I say, "officer."Copy !req
1071. Well, it's not nice
to see you again,Copy !req
1072. you star-spangled turd.Copy !req
1073. - Oh, really?Copy !req
1074. The liar is offended
to see me again.Copy !req
1075. - I lied, but you should
expect that from a girl.Copy !req
1076. You said you were Q,Copy !req
1077. and that's a lot worse,
and I am so disappointed.Copy !req
1078. When a—Copy !req
1079. a goddess like you
shows any bit of interest,Copy !req
1080. of course I'm gonna lie.Copy !req
1081. I know you didn't ask to be
this gorgeous and this perfect,Copy !req
1082. but you have to be readyCopy !req
1083. for guys to do stuff like this
sometimes, okay?Copy !req
1084. - I am very interestedCopy !req
1085. in the goddess part
of what you were saying.Copy !req
1086. - It doesn't matter.Copy !req
1087. I should have known
that you were a mirage.Copy !req
1088. I don't know if you can
understand this,Copy !req
1089. but my whole life
I felt like I am stuckCopy !req
1090. in this disgusting,
low-rent desert,Copy !req
1091. and I'm the only one
with any real inner beautyCopy !req
1092. and any actual dreams.Copy !req
1093. And I just want to rise upCopy !req
1094. like the burning eagle god
that I am.Copy !req
1095. Can you understand that
at all?Copy !req
1096. - Everything you just saidCopy !req
1097. is everything
that I have writtenCopy !req
1098. in my own Akashic records.Copy !req
1099. Oh!Copy !req
1100. - Oh! Ah! Ah!
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
1101. That was incredible.Copy !req
1102. - I'll bet it was.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1103. - I admire your efficiency.Copy !req
1104. - You know, only three men
have ever seen my labia before.Copy !req
1105. One was my ex-husband,
one was my pediatrician,Copy !req
1106. and the other
was an ambulance driver.Copy !req
1107. So consider yourself
very lucky.Copy !req
1108. - Proud to be number four.Copy !req
1109. - I am tormented
by your beauty.Copy !req
1110. - Mm, can I take this
out of my mouth—Copy !req
1111. - Not yet.
- Okay.Copy !req
1112. - Just finishing the shadingCopy !req
1113. around your beautiful face
and pubis.Copy !req
1114. - I'm gonna need a lot of
shading,Copy !req
1115. FYI, for the pubis area,Copy !req
1116. because one thing they don't
tell you in health classCopy !req
1117. is that your pubis does get
a lot bigger the older you get,Copy !req
1118. and I'm not bragging.Copy !req
1119. - Almost done with the shading.Copy !req
1120. - How does my butthole look?Copy !req
1121. - Let me take a look.Copy !req
1122. A little more pink.Copy !req
1123. - Hmm. You flatter me.Copy !req
1124. - Relax the face.Copy !req
1125. And relax the anus.Copy !req
1126. Yes. Perfect.Copy !req
1127. - You know,Copy !req
1128. after being inside of you
for two seconds like that,Copy !req
1129. I just feel
so much closer to you.Copy !req
1130. I feel like I'm a part
of you now.Copy !req
1131. And I...Copy !req
1132. I would never ask this,Copy !req
1133. but I feel so comfortable
with you.Copy !req
1134. What's your real name?Copy !req
1135. It's kind of embarrassing.Copy !req
1136. Clementine Anne Johnson.Copy !req
1137. - Clementine?Copy !req
1138. You mean like the sweet
nibbly cookie?Copy !req
1139. I'd say that's perfect
for you.Copy !req
1140. - Well, I never thought of it
like that.Copy !req
1141. - But that makes sense.Copy !req
1142. - You know...Copy !req
1143. I'm not really Q.Copy !req
1144. I'm his right-hand man.Copy !req
1145. In a lot of ways,
I'm his mouthpiece.Copy !req
1146. I deliver his messages,
and sometimes...Copy !req
1147. I invent some of those messages.Copy !req
1148. Just the stuff like,
you know,Copy !req
1149. Britney Spears
is really Lee Harvey Oswald.Copy !req
1150. And, you know—
- That was you?Copy !req
1151. - Yeah, that was me. Yeah.Copy !req
1152. - Yes, there's a bit
of a thrill of, you know,Copy !req
1153. being able to kind of control
the zeitgeist,Copy !req
1154. but the lifestyle
is fucking amazing.Copy !req
1155. We own Jeffrey Epstein's
old island.Copy !req
1156. It has a secret bunker
underneath it.Copy !req
1157. It has a food court with every
discontinued fast-food chain.Copy !req
1158. Kenny Rogers Roasters,
Burger Chef;Copy !req
1159. they're all in operation,
only at that one food court.Copy !req
1160. - Go fuck yourself.Copy !req
1161. - Yeah.Copy !req
1162. - You know what I find crazy,
Xavier?Copy !req
1163. You're a painter.Copy !req
1164. I make dolls
out of my old pantyhose,Copy !req
1165. so we're both artists.Copy !req
1166. And we randomly meet on a cruise
and fall in loveCopy !req
1167. on the exact dayCopy !req
1168. that I run out of
my anti-psychotic medication.Copy !req
1169. I mean, if that's not kismet,
I don't know what is.Copy !req
1170. - Perfect timing.Copy !req
1171. - Wiegel!Copy !req
1172. Wiegel, you're naked.Copy !req
1173. - I know that.
- I'm being painted.Copy !req
1174. - What?
- Please leave us alone.Copy !req
1175. - Wiegel, Wiegel,
you are naked in the buffet.Copy !req
1176. - Can we please
have some privacy?Copy !req
1177. - Your friend cannot be naked
in the buffet.Copy !req
1178. - I know.
- We have a sign that says so.Copy !req
1179. You'd think we don't
need a sign that says,Copy !req
1180. "Please do not be naked
in the buffet," but we do.Copy !req
1181. - I see it.
- This is a diarrhea nightmare.Copy !req
1182. - I apologize.
- Trudy, please.Copy !req
1183. - Don't listen to him, Trudy.
- It's just you and I.Copy !req
1184. - Don't worry, sugar balls.Copy !req
1185. I only have ears for you.Copy !req
1186. - Trudy, that's a plant.Copy !req
1187. - God, you look so beautiful
right now.Copy !req
1188. - Come back, Trudy.Copy !req
1189. Come back!Copy !req
1190. - Your jealousy is gross.Copy !req
1191. - Trudy!Copy !req
1192. - Morning, gang.Copy !req
1193. - Morning.
- Morning.Copy !req
1194. - I know it hasn't been ideal...Copy !req
1195. - If you haven't filled out
your diarrhea app,Copy !req
1196. do so immediately.Copy !req
1197. Failure to do so will result
in a very serious penalty.Copy !req
1198. Remember, message
and data rates may apply.Copy !req
1199. - Raise your hand if you forgot
to log your diarrhea today.Copy !req
1200. - I didn't forget,
but I tried and it crashed.Copy !req
1201. - Almost everyone!Copy !req
1202. - When I say, "hell,"
you say, "o."Copy !req
1203. Hello! Hello.Copy !req
1204. I just got off of the phone
with the doctorsCopy !req
1205. from the ship
and the mainland,Copy !req
1206. and I am now
certifiably insane.Copy !req
1207. They actually used the word—Copy !req
1208. and I never heard a doctor say
this before—Copy !req
1209. cat shit crazy.Copy !req
1210. So I don't want to say
screw all of you,Copy !req
1211. so I will say
fuck all of you.Copy !req
1212. Fuck the ship life.Copy !req
1213. This jacket was
my grandfather's.Copy !req
1214. They took it off his cold body.Copy !req
1215. He wasn't dead yet.Copy !req
1216. You can have that.
Take that for you.Copy !req
1217. Oh!Copy !req
1218. - Oh!Copy !req
1219. Big son of a...Copy !req
1220. - I think this is cause
for concern.Copy !req
1221. Oh!Copy !req
1222. - How come he hasn't got
diarrhea?Copy !req
1223. - Okay, everybody.
- Yes?Copy !req
1224. - Calm down.
- All calm down.Copy !req
1225. - Why did you say "calm down"?
- We were relatively calm.Copy !req
1226. - We were calm!Copy !req
1227. - As you can see,Copy !req
1228. the captain has gone
a little bit crazy.Copy !req
1229. - Certifiably cat shit crazy.Copy !req
1230. - And since that is, you know,
he's a little cause for alarm,Copy !req
1231. I am taking over.Copy !req
1232. - I am not taking ordersCopy !req
1233. from another guy in shorts!Copy !req
1234. - Pass. Hard pass.
- And you know what?Copy !req
1235. None of you updated
your MyDiarrhea app.Copy !req
1236. - I did, though!
- Except for not them!Copy !req
1237. But I actually did.Copy !req
1238. You are not taking the ship.
Thank you, but no thank you.Copy !req
1239. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1240. - Put them below deck.
- Okay, okay, we'll go.Copy !req
1241. - No. No. No. No.Copy !req
1242. - Come on!Copy !req
1243. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
1244. No. No, oh, my God!Copy !req
1245. - Yes. Guns! Guns! Guns!
- Guns! Guns!Copy !req
1246. When I say "guns,"
you say, "mm!"Copy !req
1247. - This is like that movie.Copy !req
1248. You know, the guy
with the glasses.Copy !req
1249. Come on, the one—
Come on.Copy !req
1250. When you—the thing?Copy !req
1251. - "Amistad"?
- Yes.Copy !req
1252. - How did you get that?Copy !req
1253. - I'm sorry, don't do that.Copy !req
1254. Don't compare a slave ship
to what we're in.Copy !req
1255. - How is this not
the exact same thing?Copy !req
1256. - Black people still have
high blood pressure todayCopy !req
1257. because of what happened.Copy !req
1258. The salt was so...Copy !req
1259. - Was that the name of
that movie, by the way?Copy !req
1260. - Oh, don't make this
be like the whole thingCopy !req
1261. when he gives that
whole lecture about "Roots".Copy !req
1262. - I'll be honest, if I was—Copy !req
1263. - Hello, everyone.
- This is your captain.Copy !req
1264. I hope you are having
a wonderful day.Copy !req
1265. It's a good day to die.Copy !req
1266. Speaking of that, I'm about
to run this ship agroundCopy !req
1267. and kill all of us.Copy !req
1268. - Go! Go!Copy !req
1269. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
1270. - Everybody okay?
- Oh!Copy !req
1271. - Tell you right now, people—Copy !req
1272. Hands in.Copy !req
1273. Heroes are not made...Copy !req
1274. at a summer frolic,Copy !req
1275. at a picnic with a basketCopy !req
1276. of fruits, crudités,
cheeses, and meats.Copy !req
1277. - What the fuck?Copy !req
1278. - Maybe a sparkling white—Copy !req
1279. Hero—I'm getting
to this part.Copy !req
1280. Heroes are forgedCopy !req
1281. in fire.Copy !req
1282. Yeah!Copy !req
1283. Let's do something about this!Copy !req
1284. - Yes! What do we do?Copy !req
1285. - Are we clowns, or are we the
Reno Sheriff's Department?Copy !req
1286. - We're the Reno Sheriff's
Department!Copy !req
1287. - Go, go, go, go.Copy !req
1288. - These decks is off-limits,
everybody.Copy !req
1289. Oh!Copy !req
1290. - Hey, who did this?Copy !req
1291. - Oh, God.Copy !req
1292. Right into the propeller.Copy !req
1293. - He's all mixed up
in there.Copy !req
1294. - Circle of life.
- Circle of life, right?Copy !req
1295. - In what way?
- Um, let's not get specific.Copy !req
1296. Let's—you know,
the circle of life.Copy !req
1297. - Oh, shit,
we got to stop the boat.Copy !req
1298. - Go.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1299. - Let's go.Copy !req
1300. - Captain!Copy !req
1301. - Captain, we got to stop!Copy !req
1302. - All right, step back,
step back!Copy !req
1303. - Don't worry.Copy !req
1304. We do stuff like this
all the time.Copy !req
1305. - Sorry!Copy !req
1306. Don't do it!
Don't do it!Copy !req
1307. You got to let us in!Copy !req
1308. - How do we stop the ship?Copy !req
1309. - What if we drop the anchor?Copy !req
1310. - Yeah! Go, go, go!Copy !req
1311. - What if we drop the anchor?Copy !req
1312. Use your lower body.
On three.Copy !req
1313. One, two...Copy !req
1314. I'm getting it!
I got a little bit!Copy !req
1315. I got something over here!Copy !req
1316. Son of a bitch,
I had something over here.Copy !req
1317. - Let's do it one more time,
'cause I have to admit,Copy !req
1318. I wasn't pulling at all.
I was just going, "Ah!"Copy !req
1319. - Fulcrum.Copy !req
1320. - Anything?Copy !req
1321. - Yeah, I felt it move!
- I felt it move!Copy !req
1322. - I got something!Copy !req
1323. - One, two, three.Copy !req
1324. - Sometimes...Copy !req
1325. the best moveCopy !req
1326. is to admit
when you need help.Copy !req
1327. - Help! Help!Copy !req
1328. - Don't scream.Copy !req
1329. Okay, no,
scream, scream.Copy !req
1330. - Help!
- We need help!Copy !req
1331. Help!Copy !req
1332. - My brothers and sisters
of color,Copy !req
1333. Q weirdos who actually turned
out to be pretty nice folks,Copy !req
1334. America used to be great
'cause we did stuff together.Copy !req
1335. Let's do this together, guys.Copy !req
1336. And heave!Copy !req
1337. Heave! Heave! Heave!Copy !req
1338. Heave! And ho!Copy !req
1339. Yes!Copy !req
1340. Hey, guys...Copy !req
1341. we fucked up again.Copy !req
1342. - Yeah, it's supposed to be
attached, right?Copy !req
1343. - Yeah.Copy !req
1344. Captain!Copy !req
1345. - Capitán.Copy !req
1346. - Hey, listen!Copy !req
1347. - I forgot, the crazy Black
captain "Bonofrise"Copy !req
1348. - gave me the keys!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
1349. - Let's do it.
- Go, go, go!Copy !req
1350. - So much better than violence.Copy !req
1351. Hey!Copy !req
1352. - Gentle. Gentle.
- Why don't you come on out?Copy !req
1353. Look what I got for you, huh?Copy !req
1354. - Oh. Shall we?Copy !req
1355. - Yes, we shall.Copy !req
1356. - Great, I'm gonna maybe
turn the ship off.Copy !req
1357. - I wish I'd known
you were here.Copy !req
1358. I would have let you in earlier.Copy !req
1359. - We did it.
- Man, you're batshit crazy.Copy !req
1360. Hey! We did it!
We saved the ship!Copy !req
1361. - Whoo-hoo!
- Don't have to thank us.Copy !req
1362. - Oh, shit!Copy !req
1363. - What? What?Copy !req
1364. - Are you out?Copy !req
1365. - No hard feelings, right?Copy !req
1366. - Mutiny in international law
is very bad.Copy !req
1367. I mean, we could kill you.Copy !req
1368. But we're not gonna do that,
because we nice.Copy !req
1369. And we want a good
Tripadvisor review.Copy !req
1370. Five star, please.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
1371. - Bye.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
1372. - Bye-bye, my love.
- Bye.Copy !req
1373. - Goodbye, my dear.Copy !req
1374. - I left one of my panty linersCopy !req
1375. under your pillow!Copy !req
1376. Who is she talking to?Copy !req
1377. - I will wait for
you right here!Copy !req
1378. Fully engorged!Copy !req
1379. - Bye, bye!Copy !req
1380. - Oh, my God!
- What the hell?Copy !req
1381. - Holy—
- Were you guys hereCopy !req
1382. - the whole time?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1383. We—we turned this
into our little, um...Copy !req
1384. excuse me, but fuck nest.Copy !req
1385. - Ew!Copy !req
1386. - This succubus has me
up to, like, eight seconds.Copy !req
1387. - Never lasted that long.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
1388. - Nobody asked.Copy !req
1389. - If I get into double digits,
this is the one.Copy !req
1390. - I'll buy you an ice cream.Copy !req
1391. - Oh!Copy !req
1392. No, no, no!Copy !req
1393. - Oh, come on!Copy !req
1394. - Just read the raft.
- Read the raft, right?Copy !req
1395. - Does anybody know, like,
which way we're even drifting?Copy !req
1396. That's the drinking gourd
up there.Copy !req
1397. The handle points
to the North Star.Copy !req
1398. - I mean, if that really is
the drinking gourd, I mean...Copy !req
1399. I probably shouldn't
say this,Copy !req
1400. about a hundred miles
north of here...Copy !req
1401. Sorry, dude.Copy !req
1402. But, uh, Q's headquartersCopy !req
1403. are on my friend's island.Copy !req
1404. My friend had a really nice
island with a—Copy !req
1405. you know, a mansion
and a sex dungeon and—Copy !req
1406. - Jeff Epstein.Copy !req
1407. Who else has an island
with a sex dungeon?Copy !req
1408. - Okay, yeah, fine. Jeff
Epstein...Copy !req
1409. - Well, David Copperfield.Copy !req
1410. - David Copperfield.
- Okay, yeah.Copy !req
1411. - Well, how do we get there?Copy !req
1412. - Did you say 100 miles
north of here?Copy !req
1413. - Yeah. I mean,
I don't really know basic,Copy !req
1414. you know, boat craft or—Copy !req
1415. Whoa, what are you—Copy !req
1416. - There's a couple guys
in the worldCopy !req
1417. that could get you
100 miles north of hereCopy !req
1418. by the stars.Copy !req
1419. And one of them...Copy !req
1420. - Harriet Tubman.Copy !req
1421. - Is James Ron Dangle,Copy !req
1422. United States Coast Guard.Copy !req
1423. I mean, discharged.
Asked to leave.Copy !req
1424. - You know the story.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1425. - For sure.
- Well, wait, I mean,Copy !req
1426. have you all heard it?
'Cause I haven't—Copy !req
1427. - You don't need to—
- My and another fellow wereCopy !req
1428. asked to leave the Coast Guard
on the same day.Copy !req
1429. - Nah, we don't need to...Copy !req
1430. - Jim, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
1431. - Damn.Copy !req
1432. I am so over all of it.Copy !req
1433. Trudy, stop slobbing on me.Copy !req
1434. I'm tired of looking
at Dangle's ass,Copy !req
1435. I'm hungry,
and it's all your fault, Jones.Copy !req
1436. - My fault?
- You found the Booze Cruise!Copy !req
1437. - My fault because I can type?
- Actually, Dangle booked it.Copy !req
1438. - Dangle booked it.Copy !req
1439. - Clemmie, it's you!Copy !req
1440. You were the one who was
supposed to get information,Copy !req
1441. instead of having a fuck nest!Copy !req
1442. - Excuse me, excuse me!
- Don't you dare!Copy !req
1443. - This is a love fort!Copy !req
1444. - They're all just waiting to
turn on me!Copy !req
1445. They all know that it was—Copy !req
1446. Travis? Travis?Copy !req
1447. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
1448. - Hey, guys!
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
1449. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
1450. - Whoo!
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
1451. - You did it, Jim.Copy !req
1452. You did it.Copy !req
1453. - Yeah!
- Yeah, Dangle.Copy !req
1454. - Followed the drinking gourd.Copy !req
1455. - Welcome to, uh,
Jeffrey Epstein's island.Copy !req
1456. You are now all our prisoners,Copy !req
1457. and will be taken to trial
before Q!Copy !req
1458. - What?Copy !req
1459. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
1460. - Clemmie, you're gonna need
to decide.Copy !req
1461. Are you with me—
- I'm with you, yes!Copy !req
1462. - Okay, good.
- Yes.Copy !req
1463. - Do you want to yell
at the minionsCopy !req
1464. and tell them—
- Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1465. Hey, minions,
you with the colorful face.Copy !req
1466. Take these losers away.Copy !req
1467. I'm sorry, but it's true.
You're all losers.Copy !req
1468. - Take them away!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
1469. - Search their cavities.Copy !req
1470. Someone has something, I swear.Copy !req
1471. Sorry, not sorry!Copy !req
1472. - Oh! I love our lives.Copy !req
1473. Oh.Copy !req
1474. - Hello?Copy !req
1475. - I love the open concept.Copy !req
1476. - I'm impressed, Sheriff.Copy !req
1477. - I'm actually not the sheriff.Copy !req
1478. I'm Lieutenant James Ron Dangle,Copy !req
1479. Reno Sheriff's Department.Copy !req
1480. Also, uh, amateur puppeteer.
Almost went pro—Copy !req
1481. - So are you Q?Copy !req
1482. Don't play stupid, Officer.Copy !req
1483. - She's not playing.
- That was a legitimate question.Copy !req
1484. - She's really
not the bright.Copy !req
1485. - You should all be very happy
with yourselves.Copy !req
1486. No one else has ever gotten
this far.Copy !req
1487. So you came all this way
to find out who Q really is.Copy !req
1488. - Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
1489. - Well, I'll tell you.Copy !req
1490. Years ago, a ship wrecked
on this very island,Copy !req
1491. carrying a brilliant
and deranged professor.Copy !req
1492. That professor...Copy !req
1493. - Was Q.Copy !req
1494. - Died in the wreck.Copy !req
1495. - Okay.Copy !req
1496. - But we found this...Copy !req
1497. in the wreckage.Copy !req
1498. - Uh, brother man, that—Copy !req
1499. that's a Speak & Spell.Copy !req
1500. - Yes, it is.Copy !req
1501. Or, it was.Copy !req
1502. Time and providence,Copy !req
1503. and probably
saltwater corrosion,Copy !req
1504. has altered its programming...Copy !req
1505. imbuing it...Copy !req
1506. and I'm not sure if I'm using
the word "imbuing" correctly.Copy !req
1507. But it infused it—Copy !req
1508. - it infused it...
- Infused.Copy !req
1509. - With a dynamic,
divine wisdom...Copy !req
1510. - Oh. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
1511. - That Q imparts
and we disseminate.Copy !req
1512. - Oh, I get it.Copy !req
1513. So you guys are just
batshit crazy.Copy !req
1514. - Wait.Copy !req
1515. Listen.Copy !req
1516. - Hmm?
- And learn.Copy !req
1517. - Oprah has bears.Copy !req
1518. - Oprah has bears.Copy !req
1519. Oprah has bears!Copy !req
1520. Let it be known
that Oprah has bears.Copy !req
1521. Go to your mobile devices,Copy !req
1522. get the word out on 8chan.Copy !req
1523. - This is a dumb,
dumb question.Copy !req
1524. This isn't how
the whole thing works, right?Copy !req
1525. It is—
- It is, definitely.Copy !req
1526. - That's words, and then you...Copy !req
1527. put the words on an 8chan.Copy !req
1528. - It actually checks out
more than I would have thought.Copy !req
1529. - Yep.Copy !req
1530. - The flu is from France.Copy !req
1531. - It's true, because sometimes
the flu is from France.Copy !req
1532. - But as often as not
it's not, actually.Copy !req
1533. - Well, sometimes it is.Copy !req
1534. - To the dungeon with them.Copy !req
1535. And go through the bunker.
It's faster.Copy !req
1536. And tell Ron to set off
that bomb.Copy !req
1537. The big one that will destroy
the island.Copy !req
1538. - Oh, my God!Copy !req
1539. We will not—
you do not have to kill us!Copy !req
1540. You do not have to kill us!Copy !req
1541. - Go, go, go, go.
- We won't remember!Copy !req
1542. - Come on.
- Blow them up.Copy !req
1543. - Can I just ask you
where you got that rag?Copy !req
1544. - Walmart.Copy !req
1545. - That's nice—
that's real nice.Copy !req
1546. - Clever, clever interlopers.Copy !req
1547. - We're not clever!Copy !req
1548. - Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1549. - Oh, hey, hey, ho!Copy !req
1550. - Sorry, I'm just a little
excited right now.Copy !req
1551. I've, uh—Copy !req
1552. I've always wanted a monologue,Copy !req
1553. a secret fortress with
a smoking-hot vixen next to me.Copy !req
1554. - You do look hot, Clemmie.Copy !req
1555. - You look rad.
- Damn!Copy !req
1556. - The whole thing.
- Show the whole thing.Copy !req
1557. - Look at that. Oh!
- Yes, queen!Copy !req
1558. - Work!
- Work.Copy !req
1559. - Marlene Dietrich in the front,
Stevie Nicks in the back.Copy !req
1560. Oh.Copy !req
1561. - We've got the whole
nerve center here,Copy !req
1562. feeding all the greatest hits
into the algorithm.Copy !req
1563. You know,
the standard conspiracies.Copy !req
1564. Moon landing faked,
pumpkins aren't real,Copy !req
1565. Joe Rogan is a hologram.Copy !req
1566. The, uh, gluten-free diet,
um, causes levitation.Copy !req
1567. Um, that's a really good one.
Great work.Copy !req
1568. Now, of course,
that you've, uh...Copy !req
1569. seen all of this,Copy !req
1570. I have to blow it up.Copy !req
1571. - What?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
1572. - Silence!
- I'm out!Copy !req
1573. - A bomb this exquisite
can only be set in motionCopy !req
1574. by somebody as exquisite.Copy !req
1575. - Clemmie, what about all those
great times that we had?Copy !req
1576. Remember all those
great times we had?Copy !req
1577. - Suck it, monkeys.Copy !req
1578. - Hey, cut it out.
- Hey!Copy !req
1579. - Hey, now, Clemmie.Copy !req
1580. - Oh!
- Come on now.Copy !req
1581. - Oh!Copy !req
1582. Anyway, we would love
to stick around,Copy !req
1583. but we have to, um,Copy !req
1584. pack up a lot of money
and pills, right?Copy !req
1585. - Money and pills.
- Money and pills.Copy !req
1586. Glenn, to the dungeon.Copy !req
1587. - No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
1588. No!Copy !req
1589. - Is this the first time you've
had hour friends blown up?Copy !req
1590. It's hard the first time,
but it gets easier.Copy !req
1591. - Does it?
- It really does.Copy !req
1592. Trust me, sweetie.Copy !req
1593. - But, really, what were they
gonna live for?Copy !req
1594. Nothing.Copy !req
1595. - Sir?
- Is there gonna be, like,Copy !req
1596. snacks or anything?Copy !req
1597. - Appeal to his humanity.
- Glenn, was it?Copy !req
1598. - Glenn?
- Hey, Glenn.Copy !req
1599. - Oh, I have an itch!
- I have an itch!Copy !req
1600. - Is it bad that I feel likeCopy !req
1601. I'm being threatened
with a good time?Copy !req
1602. Just to state the obvious here,Copy !req
1603. this is a really nice
sex dungeon.Copy !req
1604. - Yeah.
- I'm on the mailing listCopy !req
1605. of the company that makes
this domination gear.Copy !req
1606. They're an outfit out of Bruges
called Pamplemousse & Thunder.Copy !req
1607. I mean, this is some
of the nice stuff.Copy !req
1608. Some of this is actually
next year's stuff, by the way.Copy !req
1609. Literally, they advertiseCopy !req
1610. that your submissives
will never escape.Copy !req
1611. So I don't want
to be a bummer,Copy !req
1612. but this is really well made.Copy !req
1613. - Warning.Copy !req
1614. Warning.Copy !req
1615. - Ron, thank you
for changing my life.Copy !req
1616. I deserve this.Copy !req
1617. - Thank you for being
the kind of personCopy !req
1618. whose life I wanted to change.Copy !req
1619. But all your friends,
I mean...Copy !req
1620. I am blowing them up.Copy !req
1621. - Yeah.Copy !req
1622. About that, um...Copy !req
1623. - Listen, hey, gang,Copy !req
1624. I gotta tell you—
I gotta tell you something.Copy !req
1625. I—I really think
this is it.Copy !req
1626. - Do you have to go
to the restroom?Copy !req
1627. - No, I think we're really
gonna die in here.Copy !req
1628. - Jones, don't say that!
- Don't say that.Copy !req
1629. - Don't you say that!Copy !req
1630. - Even though
it's probably true.Copy !req
1631. - It's kind of funny
if you think about it.Copy !req
1632. No, no.Copy !req
1633. - You just missed
the whole vibe right there.Copy !req
1634. - This is bad.
- This is really, really bad,Copy !req
1635. and I feel—I feel—Copy !req
1636. I feel sorry
mostly for me and Rai-Rai,Copy !req
1637. 'cause this—
this is really bad for us.Copy !req
1638. - Because of the optics?
- Guys, can we not agreeCopy !req
1639. this sucks equally
pretty much for all of us?Copy !req
1640. - No! No! No, we can't agree.
- Yes! Yes!Copy !req
1641. - No.
- It looks worse for us, Jim.Copy !req
1642. - I think we should just
kind of go with it.Copy !req
1643. If we're dying, we're dying.Copy !req
1644. But can we do it
in silence?Copy !req
1645. I think this is it.Copy !req
1646. I think we're all gonna die!Copy !req
1647. - I'm gonna bust you guys
out of here.Copy !req
1648. - Thank you!Copy !req
1649. - Shh! Shut up!Copy !req
1650. - Sheriff's Department...Copy !req
1651. take a knee.Copy !req
1652. Ron Mackleberg thinks
he's about to blow usCopy !req
1653. to Q-dom come.Copy !req
1654. But I'll tell you right now,
I think his math was wrong.Copy !req
1655. I think he miscounted by nine.Copy !req
1656. - Nice.
- Here's the drill.Copy !req
1657. I am going to createCopy !req
1658. the perfect distraction.Copy !req
1659. Oh, fellas.Copy !req
1660. - Whoo!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1661. - Hey, sweet thing.Copy !req
1662. - Hey!Copy !req
1663. - Cut it right about now.Copy !req
1664. Oh!Copy !req
1665. Let's get the hell
off this island.Copy !req
1666. - Hey, ladies!Copy !req
1667. You want a little piece of this?Copy !req
1668. - Game over.Copy !req
1669. - Ah!Copy !req
1670. And you... are...
served.Copy !req
1671. - You win.Copy !req
1672. Any questions
about the plan?Copy !req
1673. - Actually, I have a question.
- Uh-huh?Copy !req
1674. - I have a lot
of questions about the plan.Copy !req
1675. So you want me to killCopy !req
1676. two girls with my bare hands?Copy !req
1677. - I'm just a guy
that had a plan and—Copy !req
1678. - You think I can
defuse a bomb?Copy !req
1679. And shouldn't I be wearing
safety glasses?Copy !req
1680. - I get—okay,
everybody hates the plan.Copy !req
1681. - I don't mean to piss all over
your really bitching plan...Copy !req
1682. - It's a pretty good plan.
- But...Copy !req
1683. I kind of already
roofied everybody.Copy !req
1684. I put it in everybody's
clam lite lime beer.Copy !req
1685. - Oh!
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1686. - A million times better.Copy !req
1687. Let's go stop that bomb!Copy !req
1688. - Does anybody remember
how to get out of here?Copy !req
1689. - I'm definitely turned around.Copy !req
1690. - Ron!
- Ron! Come on!Copy !req
1691. - You got to tell us
how to stop the bomb!Copy !req
1692. - You can't.Copy !req
1693. The guys who killed
KhashoggiCopy !req
1694. traded it for an NFT.Copy !req
1695. It's un-defuseable.Copy !req
1696. - Ugh!
- What?Copy !req
1697. - He's talking gibberish!Copy !req
1698. - You know what that means.Copy !req
1699. Someone has to get this bomb
safely out to sea.Copy !req
1700. Not it.Copy !req
1701. - Obviously, I was gonna do it.
- Why volunteer?Copy !req
1702. Why would I step in
and say that dramatically?Copy !req
1703. - I'll do it.
- That was really unclear, Jim.Copy !req
1704. - Fuck it,
let's just get it out.Copy !req
1705. - You're acting like a martyrCopy !req
1706. - and it's not a good look.
- Fuck it!Copy !req
1707. I'll get it past
the breakwaterCopy !req
1708. If anything happens,
do not help me.Copy !req
1709. - We won't.
- How could we?Copy !req
1710. - I want to tell you
one very short story.Copy !req
1711. The doctors told my mama
I would never dance.Copy !req
1712. Ever.Copy !req
1713. And I never did professionally.Copy !req
1714. - Shit!
- Shit!Copy !req
1715. Goddamn it.Copy !req
1716. Wait.Copy !req
1717. I think I got it, actually.Copy !req
1718. - Oh, no.Copy !req
1719. - Damn.Copy !req
1720. Do you see that bandanna
he had on?Copy !req
1721. That was mine.Copy !req
1722. You've been served.Copy !req
1723. - Now you guys
are real heroes.Copy !req
1724. I mean, nobody can know.Copy !req
1725. - Yeah, sadly,
this is all top secret.Copy !req
1726. From the FBI and the CIA,
we want to thank you.Copy !req
1727. - Yeah.Copy !req
1728. Well, gang,
let's hit the bar.Copy !req
1729. - Jim?Copy !req
1730. Jim, is that you?Copy !req
1731. - Jim?
- Dangle?Copy !req
1732. - Huh? Uh...Copy !req
1733. je ne parle pas anglais.Copy !req
1734. - What?
- I'm someone else.Copy !req
1735. Oh, fuck it!
Hey, guys.Copy !req
1736. Fuck! Goddamn it!Copy !req
1737. Fuck it.Copy !req
1738. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
1739. Good morning, gang.Copy !req
1740. - Morning.Copy !req
1741. The pig foot by the yard
place,Copy !req
1742. they've inverted—Copy !req
1743. it's called inverted
law enforcement discount.Copy !req
1744. - That mean we pay more?Copy !req
1745. - They're charging us more
for what they feel likeCopy !req
1746. we've done to the community
in general.Copy !req
1747. Fair enough.Copy !req
1748. - We deserve it.Copy !req
1749. - Uh, mixed feelingsCopy !req
1750. about being back here
in the Silver State.Copy !req
1751. You know, in the perfect worldCopy !req
1752. would I be living
the cruise lifestyle,Copy !req
1753. doing my puppetry,Copy !req
1754. making that—
making that puppetry money?Copy !req
1755. Which—it's not—Copy !req
1756. I've never—I've never, ever
done the puppetryCopy !req
1757. just for the money.Copy !req
1758. That said,Copy !req
1759. I've been doing it here
on the streets a bit.Copy !req
1760. You know, and in many ways
that's great,Copy !req
1761. 'cause I'm also just outside,
you know?Copy !req
1762. Just to be outside at all.Copy !req
1763. - Hey, no smoke inside!Copy !req
1764. - I'm putting it out.
- I'm already putting it out.Copy !req
1765. - I needed adventure,
and I got it,Copy !req
1766. and I have a renewed
sense of purpose.Copy !req
1767. And you're probably asking,
well, what about Ron?Copy !req
1768. What about him?Copy !req
1769. If you're asking me
as a deputy,Copy !req
1770. I have no idea about Ron.Copy !req
1771. If you're asking me as ClemmieCopy !req
1772. the woman, the goddess, um,Copy !req
1773. of course I know
exactly where he is.Copy !req
1774. I'm not stupid.Copy !req
1775. I know a good thing
when I see it.Copy !req
1776. Hey, handsome.Copy !req
1777. - Oh!Copy !req
1778. - I waive my rights.Copy !req
1779. - I got to be honest.Copy !req
1780. I took a lot of money from Q.Copy !req
1781. And I would do it again.Copy !req
1782. But don't worry,
I'm doing good things with it.Copy !req
1783. I brought all my friends
along with me.Copy !req
1784. Hey, I'm sorry
I almost left you for dead.Copy !req
1785. - Forget it.Copy !req
1786. - It's all right.
- It's forgotten.Copy !req
1787. - The important thing is
you're here now.Copy !req
1788. - We are a family.Copy !req
1789. - Familia.
- I love you guys.Copy !req
1790. Cheers!Copy !req
1791. - What a beautiful night
for an evening.Copy !req
1792. - Oh, it sure is.Copy !req
1793. To us.Copy !req
1794. - Stand behind me like this.Copy !req
1795. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1796. - Let's human centipede it.Copy !req
1797. We'll do a human centipede
Titanic.Copy !req
1798. Human centipede Titanic!Copy !req
1799. Human centipede Titanic!Copy !req
1800. - Human centipede Titanic!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
1801. - Guys,
we're crushing her uterus.Copy !req
1802. We're crushing her uterus.Copy !req