1. My name is H I McDunnough.Copy !req
2. Call me Hi.Copy !req
3. The first time I met Ed was in the
county lockup in Tempe, Arizona.Copy !req
4. Don't forget
his profile, Ed!Copy !req
5. Turn to the right!Copy !req
6. A day I'll never forget.Copy !req
7. Turn to the right!Copy !req
8. What kind of name is that
for a pretty thing like you?Copy !req
9. Short for Edwina.
Turn to the right!Copy !req
10. You're a flower, you are.
Just a little desert flower.Copy !req
11. Let me know
how those come out.Copy !req
12. Now, prison life is very structured
more than most people care for.Copy !req
13. But a spirit of comradery
exists between the menCopy !req
14. like you find
only in combat, maybe,Copy !req
15. or on a pro ball club in the
heat of the pennant drive.Copy !req
16. In an effort
to better ourselves,Copy !req
17. we had to meet
with a counselor,Copy !req
18. who tried to help us figure out
why we were the way we were.Copy !req
19. And all Pancho wanted
was a hot roll and butter.Copy !req
20. So why do you use
the word "trapped"?Copy !req
21. Huh?Copy !req
22. Why do you say
you feel "trapped"Copy !req
23. in a man's body?Copy !req
24. Well, sometimes I get the
menstrual cramps real hard.Copy !req
25. Have you learned
anything, Hi?Copy !req
26. Yes, sir.
You bet.Copy !req
27. You wouldn't lie to
us, would you, Hi?Copy !req
28. No, ma'am,
hope to say.Copy !req
29. OK, then.Copy !req
30. I tried to stand up
and fly straight,Copy !req
31. but it wasn't easy with that son of
a bitch Reagan in the White House.Copy !req
32. I don't know.
They say he's a decent man.Copy !req
33. So maybe his advisors
are confused.Copy !req
34. Turn to the right.Copy !req
35. What's the matter, Ed?Copy !req
36. My fiance left me.Copy !req
37. She said her fiance'
had run offCopy !req
38. with a student cosmetologist who
knew how to ply her feminine wiles.Copy !req
39. The son of a bitch.Copy !req
40. Don't forget
his phone call, Ed!Copy !req
41. Tell him I think
he's a damn fool, Ed.Copy !req
42. You tell him I said so,
H I McDunnough.Copy !req
43. And if he wants to discuss it,
he knows where to find me.Copy !req
44. The Maricopa County maximum security
correctional facility for men,Copy !req
45. State Farm Road, No.31, Tempe, Arizona.
I'll be waitin'!Copy !req
46. I'll be waitin'.Copy !req
47. I can't say I was happy
to be back inside,Copy !req
48. but the flood of familiar
sights, sounds and facesCopy !req
49. almost made it feel
like a homecomin'.Copy !req
50. Most men your age are getting
married and raising up a family.Copy !req
51. Well, factually...Copy !req
52. They wouldn't accept prison
as a substitute.Copy !req
53. Would any of you men
care to comment?Copy !req
54. Well, sometimes your career's
gotta come before family.Copy !req
55. Work's what's
kept us happy.Copy !req
56. I tried to sort through
what Doc Schwartz had said,Copy !req
57. but prison ain't
the easiest place to think.Copy !req
58. And when there was
no meat, we ate fowl.Copy !req
59. And when there was no
fowl, we ate crawdad.Copy !req
60. And when there was no crawdad
to be found, we ate san'.Copy !req
61. You ate what?Copy !req
62. We ate san'.Copy !req
63. You ate sand?Copy !req
64. That's right.Copy !req
65. Well, Hi, you done
served your 20 months.Copy !req
66. And seein' as how
you never use live ammo,Copy !req
67. we got no choice but to
return you to society.Copy !req
68. These doors are
gonna swing wide.Copy !req
69. I didn't wanna
hurt anyone, sir.Copy !req
70. Hi, we respect that.Copy !req
71. But you're just
hurting yourselfCopy !req
72. with this
rambunctious behaviour.Copy !req
73. I know that, sir.Copy !req
74. OK, then.Copy !req
75. I don't know how you come down
on the incarceration question,Copy !req
76. whether it's for
rehabilitation or revenge,Copy !req
77. but I was beginning to think revenge
is the only argument makes any sense.Copy !req
78. Show the tattoo!Copy !req
79. Turn to the right!Copy !req
80. Don't forget
his fingers, Ed.Copy !req
81. Hear about the paddy wagon
collided with the cement mixer, Ed?Copy !req
82. Twelve hardened
criminals escaped.Copy !req
83. I heard that one.Copy !req
84. Got a new beau?Copy !req
85. No, Hi,
I sure don't.Copy !req
86. Don't worry,
I paid for it.Copy !req
87. They say that absence
makes the heart grow fonder.Copy !req
88. And, for once,
they may be right.Copy !req
89. You missed a spot.Copy !req
90. More and more
my thoughts turned to EdCopy !req
91. and I finally felt
the pain of imprisonment.Copy !req
92. Mama would throw the live crawdad
in a pan of boilin' water.Copy !req
93. Well, one day I decided
to make my own crawdad.Copy !req
94. And I threw it in a pot,
without the water, you see?Copy !req
95. And it was just like
makin' popcorn, you see?Copy !req
96. Yeah, the joint's a lonely
place after lockup and lights out,Copy !req
97. when the last of the cons has
been swept away by the sandman.Copy !req
98. But I couldn't help thinkin' that
a brighter future lay ahead.Copy !req
99. A future that was only
eight to fourteen months away.Copy !req
100. They got a name
for people like you, Hi.Copy !req
101. That name is called
"recidivism."Copy !req
102. Repeat offender!Copy !req
103. Not a pretty name,
is it, Hi?Copy !req
104. No, sir.
That's one bonehead name.Copy !req
105. But that ain't me
any more.Copy !req
106. Are you just tellin' us
what we wanna hear?Copy !req
107. No, sir, no way.Copy !req
108. Cos we just wanna
hear the truth.Copy !req
109. Well, then I guess lam tellin'
you what you wanna hear.Copy !req
110. Boy, didn't we just tell
you not to do that?Copy !req
111. Yes, sir.Copy !req
112. OK, then.Copy !req
113. Turn to the right!Copy !req
114. I'm walkin' in here on my knees,
Ed, a free man, proposin'.Copy !req
115. Howdy, Curt.Copy !req
116. And so it was.Copy !req
117. Don't forget
the bouquet, Ed!Copy !req
118. I do.Copy !req
119. You bet I do.Copy !req
120. OK, then.Copy !req
121. Ed's pa staked us to a starter
home in suburban TempeCopy !req
122. and I got a job drillin'
holes in sheet metal.Copy !req
123. So we were doin' paramedical work
with the state highway system.Copy !req
124. Not actually practisin',
you understand.Copy !req
125. Me and Bill's patrollin'
down Nine Mile...Copy !req
126. Bill Roberts?Copy !req
127. No, not that mother-scratcher.
Bill Parker.Copy !req
128. Anyway, we're
approachin' the wreckCopy !req
129. and there's this spherical
object restin' in the highway.Copy !req
130. And it's not
a piece of the car.Copy !req
131. Most ways,
the job was a lot like prison,Copy !req
132. except Ed was waitin'
at the end of every dayCopy !req
133. and a pay check
at the end of every week.Copy !req
134. Government do take a bite,
don't she?Copy !req
135. These were the happy days,
the salad days, as they say,Copy !req
136. and Ed felt that havin' a critter
was the next logical step.Copy !req
137. It was all
she thought about.Copy !req
138. Her point was that there was too much
love and beauty for just the two of us.Copy !req
139. Every day we kept a child
out of the worldCopy !req
140. was a day he might later
regret havin' missed.Copy !req
141. That was
beautiful.Copy !req
142. So we worked at it on the days we
calculated most likely to be fruitful.Copy !req
143. And we worked at it most
other days, just to be sure.Copy !req
144. Ed rejoiced that my lawless
years were behind meCopy !req
145. and that our child-rearing
years lay ahead.Copy !req
146. And then
the roof caved in.Copy !req
147. Hi,Copy !req
148. I'm barren!Copy !req
149. At first
I didn't believe it.Copy !req
150. That this woman, who looked as
fertile as the Tennessee valley,Copy !req
151. could not bear children.Copy !req
152. But the doctor explained that
her insides were a rocky placeCopy !req
153. where my seed
could find no purchase.Copy !req
154. Ed was inconsolable.Copy !req
155. We tried
an adoption agency.Copy !req
156. It's true that Hi
has had a chequered past.Copy !req
157. But Ed here is an officer
of the law twice decorated,Copy !req
158. so we figure
it kinda evens out.Copy !req
159. But biology and the prejudices of
others conspired to keep us childless.Copy !req
160. Our love for each other
was stronger than ever.Copy !req
161. But I preminisced
no return of the salad days.Copy !req
162. The pizzazz
had gone out of our lives.Copy !req
163. Ed lost all interest in both
criminal justice and housekeepin'.Copy !req
164. Soon after,
she tendered her badge.Copy !req
165. Even my job seemed as dry and
bitter as a hot prairie wind.Copy !req
166. So here's Bill, walkin'
down Nine Mile.Copy !req
167. That's Bill Parker,
you understand.Copy !req
168. He's got his
sandwich in one handCopy !req
169. and a fuckin' head
in the other!Copy !req
170. I even caught myself
drivin' by convenience storesCopy !req
171. that weren't
on the way home.Copy !req
172. Then one day,Copy !req
173. the biggest news hit the state
since they built the Hoover Dam.Copy !req
174. The Arizona quints was born.Copy !req
175. By "Arizona quints"Copy !req
176. I mean they was born to a
woman named Florence Arizona.Copy !req
177. As you probably guessed, Florence
Arizona is the wife of Nathan Arizona.Copy !req
178. And Nathan Arizona...
Well, hell,Copy !req
179. you know who he is.Copy !req
180. So come on down
to Unpainted ArizonaCopy !req
181. to get the finest selection
in fixtures and appointmentsCopy !req
182. for your bathroom,
bedroom, boudoir.Copy !req
183. And if you can find
lower prices anywhere,Copy !req
184. my name
ain't Nathan Arizona!Copy !req
185. Owner of the largest chain
of unpainted furnitureCopy !req
186. and bathroom fixture outlets
throughout the Southwest.Copy !req
187. Yep, Florence had been
takin' fertility pillsCopy !req
188. and she and Nathan
had hit the jackpot.Copy !req
189. Now, y'all without sin
can cast the first stone.Copy !req
190. We thought it was unfair
some should have so manyCopy !req
191. while others
should have so few.Copy !req
192. With the benefit
of hindsight,Copy !req
193. maybe it wasn't
such a hot idea.Copy !req
194. But, at the time,Copy !req
195. Ed's little plan seemed like the
solution to all our problemsCopy !req
196. and the answer
to all our prayers.Copy !req
197. 800 leaf tables
and no chairs?Copy !req
198. You can't sell leaf
tables and no chairs.Copy !req
199. Chairs, you got a dinette set.
No chairs, you got dick!Copy !req
200. I ask my wife,
she got more sense.Copy !req
201. Miles, alls I know is
I'm away from the officeCopy !req
202. for a few days
to play with my kidsCopy !req
203. and everything
goes straight to heck!Copy !req
204. I won't stand for it!Copy !req
205. If a frog had wings, it wouldn't
bump its ass a-hoppin'.Copy !req
206. I am sick of
your excuses, Miles!Copy !req
207. It is now precisely
8.45 in the PM.Copy !req
208. I'm gonna be down that store in exactly
12 hours to kick me some butt!Copy !req
209. Or my name ain't
Nathan Arizona!Copy !req
210. Sounds like Larry.Copy !req
211. No,no,no,no, no.Copy !req
212. Quiet, quiet, quiet.Copy !req
213. Quiet, quiet.Copy !req
214. OK, all right.Copy !req
215. Quiet, quiet, quiet.Copy !req
216. That's it. Good.Copy !req
217. Here's a rattle.
A rattle.Copy !req
218. OK? Good.Copy !req
219. No, no.
Quiet, quiet.Copy !req
220. Come here.Copy !req
221. Please come here.
Come here.Copy !req
222. Why don't you go up and check on 'em?
They sound restless.Copy !req
223. What's the matter?Copy !req
224. I'm sorry, honey. It
just didn't work out.Copy !req
225. What do you mean
it didn't work out?Copy !req
226. Well, they...Copy !req
227. They started cryin' and
they were all over me.Copy !req
228. It was kinda horrifyin',
honey. Let me in.Copy !req
229. Of course they cried.
Babies cry.Copy !req
230. Well, I know that.Copy !req
231. Come on, honey.
We'd better leave.Copy !req
232. Go back and
get me a toddler.Copy !req
233. I need a baby, Hi. They got
more than they can handle.Copy !req
234. Aw honeyCopy !req
235. Don't you come back
here without a baby!Copy !req
236. Christian Dior,
my butt!Copy !req
237. They pay money for that?Copy !req
238. Yes, dear.Copy !req
239. How're the kids?Copy !req
240. Fine, dear.Copy !req
241. Which one you get?Copy !req
242. I don't know. Nathan
Junior, I think.Copy !req
243. Gimme here.Copy !req
244. Here's the instructions.Copy !req
245. Oh! He's beautiful.Copy !req
246. Yeah, he's awful damn good.
I think I got the best one.Copy !req
247. I bet they were all beautiful.
All babies are beautiful.Copy !req
248. This one's
awful damn good.Copy !req
249. Don't you cuss
around him.Copy !req
250. He's fine, he is.
I think it's Nathan Junior.Copy !req
251. We are doin' the right
thing, aren't we, Hi?Copy !req
252. They had more than
they could handle.Copy !req
253. Well, honey,
we've been over this.Copy !req
254. There's what's right
and there's what's right.Copy !req
255. Never the twain shall meet.Copy !req
256. But don't you think
his mama'll be upset?Copy !req
257. Well, of course she'll be upset,
sugar, but she'll get over it.Copy !req
258. She's got four little babies
almost as good as this one.Copy !req
259. It's like robbin'
convenience stores.Copy !req
260. I love him so much!Copy !req
261. I know you do, honey.Copy !req
262. I love him so much!Copy !req
263. I know you do.Copy !req
264. OK. Bring him in!Copy !req
265. This is it,
young Nathan Junior!Copy !req
266. You can feast your eyes
about, old boy!Copy !req
267. Don't be so loud
around him.Copy !req
268. Damn, I'm sorry.Copy !req
269. Don't cuss around him.Copy !req
270. He don't know a cuss
word from Shinola.Copy !req
271. Well, you see
that he don't.Copy !req
272. I wanna hold him too.Copy !req
273. Well, mind his
little fontanelle.Copy !req
274. He's all right,
he is.Copy !req
275. Come on over here, young Nathan Junior.
I'm gonna show you around.Copy !req
276. Lookee here,
young sportsman.Copy !req
277. That there's the kitchen area,
where Ma and Pa chow down.Copy !req
278. This here's the TV.Copy !req
279. Two hours a day maximum,
efiher educational or football,Copy !req
280. so as you don't ruin your
appreciation of the finer things.Copy !req
281. And this here's the divan, for socialisin'
and relaxin' with the family unit.Copy !req
282. Yes, sir. Many's the day
we sat there and we saidCopy !req
283. "Wouldn't it be nice to have a youngster
to share our thoughts and feelings?"Copy !req
284. He's tired, Hi.Copy !req
285. Well, I'll just sit
you right there, boy.Copy !req
286. Just put those dogs up
and take a load off.Copy !req
287. What, are you kiddin'?
We got us a family here!Copy !req
288. He's a scandal, honey.
He's a little outlaw.Copy !req
289. No, he's a good boy.Copy !req
290. He ain't too good. You can tell
by that twinkle in his eye.Copy !req
291. Don't you think
we oughta put him to bed?Copy !req
292. Hang on, honey.Copy !req
293. Let's just preserve
the moment in pictures.Copy !req
294. Just one, OK?Copy !req
295. I gotta tell ya
I'm a little scared, Hi.Copy !req
296. How come
is that, honey?Copy !req
297. Well...Copy !req
298. We got a baby, Hi. It's an
awful big responsibility.Copy !req
299. Honey, could you slide over a
tad and raise the nipper up?Copy !req
300. I mean, we never done this
before and I'm kinda nervous.Copy !req
301. You're doin'
real good, sugar.Copy !req
302. I love you, Hi.Copy !req
303. We're set
to pop here, honey.Copy !req
304. Now, you're gonna
help, aren't you?Copy !req
305. How's that, honey?Copy !req
306. Contribute to the
management of the child.Copy !req
307. Quiet evenings
together.Copy !req
308. You can count on it.Copy !req
309. Everything decent and
normal from here on out.Copy !req
310. We're set
to pop here, honey.Copy !req
311. OK.Copy !req
312. What is she?Copy !req
313. Station wagon.
Looks nice.Copy !req
314. Open up!
It's the police!Copy !req
315. Hi, what's goin' on?
You stay in here.Copy !req
316. Open up!Copy !req
317. They ain't gonna
split up the family.Copy !req
318. Open up in there!Copy !req
319. I'd like to
see 'em try.Copy !req
320. Open up! Maybe we'll
let you plea bargain!Copy !req
321. Hi there,
you old Woodpecker!Copy !req
322. Boys!Copy !req
323. Gale, don't
make me sick!Copy !req
324. Asshole!Copy !req
325. Honey, I'd like you to meet
Gale and Evelle Snopes.Copy !req
326. As fine a pair as ever
broke and entered!Copy !req
327. Boys, this here's
my wife.Copy !req
328. Ma'am.
Ms McDunnough.Copy !req
329. Kinda late for visitors,
isn't it, Hi?Copy !req
330. Well, yeah, honey.Copy !req
331. But these boys
just got outta the joint,Copy !req
332. so we gotta show
a little hospitality.Copy !req
333. Well, now, H I. Looks like you've
been up to the devil's business.Copy !req
334. Hey, is that
a him or a her?Copy !req
335. It's a little boy.Copy !req
336. Got a name,
does he?Copy !req
337. So far we just
been usin' Junior.Copy !req
338. We call him Junior.Copy !req
339. You mean JR,
just like the TV show?Copy !req
340. That's good!Copy !req
341. "Welcome home, son."Copy !req
342. Where's he been?Copy !req
343. Phoenix.
Tulsa.Copy !req
344. He was visitin'
his grandparents.Copy !req
345. They're separated.Copy !req
346. That'd be
your folks, ma'am.Copy !req
347. No, I'm afraid not.Copy !req
348. Well, you said your
folks was dead, H I.Copy !req
349. Well, we thought Junior should
see their final restin' place.Copy !req
350. Why don't you boys
have a seat?Copy !req
351. Hi, it's two
in the mornin'.Copy !req
352. What's that smell?Copy !req
353. We don't always smell
this way, Ms McDunnough.Copy !req
354. I was explainin'
to your better halfCopy !req
355. that, when we were
tunnellin' out,Copy !req
356. we happened to hit the main sewer line.
Dumb luck, that.Copy !req
357. And we followed
that to...Copy !req
358. You busted outta jail?Copy !req
359. No, ma'am. We released ourselves
on our own recognisance.Copy !req
360. What Evelle
is tryin' to say isCopy !req
361. we felt the institution no
longer had anything to offer us.Copy !req
362. My Lord, he's cute!Copy !req
363. He's a little outlaw.
You can see that, Hi.Copy !req
364. Now, listen, you folks
can't stay here.Copy !req
365. Ma'am?
You just can't stay.Copy !req
366. I appreciate you bein'
friends of Hi an' all,Copy !req
367. but this is
a decent family now.Copy !req
368. I mean,
we got a toddler here.Copy !req
369. Say, who wears
the pants round here, H I?Copy !req
370. Honey, these boys
just got outta the joint.Copy !req
371. Don't "honey" me!Copy !req
372. Now you boys can sit awhile and catch
up, but then you be on your way.Copy !req
373. Got you on an awful short
leash, don't she, H I?Copy !req
374. They still here?Copy !req
375. Yeah. They're just gonna stay
a day or two, honey.Copy !req
376. It's rainin' out,
they got nowheres to go.Copy !req
377. They're fugitives, Hi. How're we gonna
start a new life with them around?Copy !req
378. Well, now, honey, you gotta
have a little charity.Copy !req
379. You know, in Arab lands,
they'd set out a plate.Copy !req
380. Promise just a day or two.Copy !req
381. Tonight and
tomorrow, tops.Copy !req
382. That night I had a dream.Copy !req
383. I drifted off, thinkin' about
happiness, birth and new life.Copy !req
384. But now I was haunted
by a vision of...Copy !req
385. He was horrible.Copy !req
386. The lone biker
of the Apocalypse.Copy !req
387. A man with all the powers
of Hell at his command.Copy !req
388. He could turn the day
into nightCopy !req
389. and lay to waste
everything in his path.Copy !req
390. He was especially hard
on the little things,Copy !req
391. the helpless
and the gentle creatures.Copy !req
392. He left a scorched earth
in his wake,Copy !req
393. befoulin' even the sweet desert
breeze that whipped across his brow.Copy !req
394. I didn't know
where he came from or why.Copy !req
395. I didn't know
if he was dream or vision.Copy !req
396. But I feared that I myself
had unleashed him.Copy !req
397. For he was the fury
that would be,Copy !req
398. as soon as Florence Arizona
found her little Nathan gone.Copy !req
399. Father sits
at his cabin doorCopy !req
400. Wiping his tear-dimmed eyesCopy !req
401. For his only son
soon shall walkCopy !req
402. To yonder scaffold riseCopy !req
403. You all right?Copy !req
404. Well, he's all right.Copy !req
405. He was just havin'
a nightmare.Copy !req
406. My race is
run beneath the sunCopy !req
407. The scaffold
now waits for meCopy !req
408. For I did murder
that dear little girlCopy !req
409. Whose name
was Rose ConnellyCopy !req
410. Sometimes it's a hard world
for little things.Copy !req
411. Now, the missis and the rest
of the kids have left townCopy !req
412. to I ain't sayin' where.Copy !req
413. They'll be back here when
we're a nuclear family again.Copy !req
414. Mr Arizona, which
tot was abducted?Copy !req
415. Nathan Junior, I think.Copy !req
416. Anything to say
to the kidnappers?Copy !req
417. Yeah. Watch your butts!Copy !req
418. It's rumoured your son
was abducted by UFOs.Copy !req
419. Would you care
to comment?Copy !req
420. Don't print that, son.Copy !req
421. If his mama reads that, she's
just gonna lose all hope.Copy !req
422. Sir, we really need to ask
you some more questions.Copy !req
423. But remember it's still business
as usual at Unpainted Arizona.Copy !req
424. If you can find
lower prices anywhere,Copy !req
425. my name still
ain't Nathan Arizona!Copy !req
426. Mr Byrum here can take your
exemplars while you talk.Copy !req
427. Just relax your hand.
I'll do the work.Copy !req
428. What is this? I didn't
steal the damn kid!Copy !req
429. Sir, these men
are with the FBI.Copy !req
430. Are you crazy? Alls I know is, I
wake up and my wife's screamin'.Copy !req
431. We just need to distinguish your
prints from the perpetrator,Copy !req
432. if they left any.Copy !req
433. Of course. I know that.Copy !req
434. Sir, were you born
Nathan Huffhines?Copy !req
435. Yeah, I changed
my name. What of it?Copy !req
436. Can you
tell us why?Copy !req
437. Yeah. Would you buy furniture
at "Unpainted Huffhines"?Copy !req
438. I'll get
to the point.Copy !req
439. Was the child
wearing anything?Copy !req
440. Nobody sleeps naked
in this house!Copy !req
441. I'll ask
the questions!Copy !req
442. To put an APB out,
I need a description.Copy !req
443. We're better trained to intervene
in a crisis situation.Copy !req
444. What was
he wearing?Copy !req
445. A dinner jacket. What do you think?
His damn jammies!Copy !req
446. He was wearing
his jammies. Happy?Copy !req
447. Any disgruntled
employees?Copy !req
448. Hell, they're all disgruntled.
I ain't runnin' a daisy farm.Copy !req
449. I say do it my way
or watch your butt!Copy !req
450. So it might have
been an employee?Copy !req
451. Without my say-so,Copy !req
452. they wouldn't piss
with their pants on fire.Copy !req
453. What did the pyjamas look like?Copy !req
454. I don't know.
They were jammies!Copy !req
455. They had Yodas
and shit on 'em.Copy !req
456. Get your damn feet
off my coffee table!Copy !req
457. Ron, you are
upsetting the victim!Copy !req
458. Are you boys
gonna chase your leadsCopy !req
459. or sit drinkin' coffee in
the one house in the stateCopy !req
460. where I know
my boy ain't at?Copy !req
461. Well, we don't have any leads
as yet, aside from the coat.Copy !req
462. Gimme that! That's a
$500 camel's-hair coat.Copy !req
463. Sir, you might want to wash
your hands at this point.Copy !req
464. Goddammit!Copy !req
465. No leads!Copy !req
466. Everyone leaves microbes and whatnot.
Hell, that's your forte, ain't it?Copy !req
467. Trackin' down microbes left by
criminals and commies and shit.Copy !req
468. That's your whole
raison d'étre, ain't it?Copy !req
469. No leads!Copy !req
470. I want Nathan Junior back! Or whichever
the hell one of 'em they took!Copy !req
471. He's out there somewhere.
Somethin' leads to him!Copy !req
472. Anyone can find himCopy !req
473. knows the difference between a
lead and a hole in the ground!Copy !req
474. Awful good cereal flakes,
Ms McDunnough.Copy !req
475. Why ain't you
breast-feed I n'?Copy !req
476. You appear
to be capable.Copy !req
477. Mind your own business.Copy !req
478. Ma'am, you don't breast-feed
him, he hates you later.Copy !req
479. That's why we
wound up in prison.Copy !req
480. Anyway, that's what
Doc Schwartz tells us.Copy !req
481. Boys.Copy !req
482. Mornin', Hi.Copy !req
483. Hi.Copy !req
484. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
485. Say, boys...Copy !req
486. You wouldn't mind
makin' yourselves scarceCopy !req
487. for a coupla hours
this afternoon, would ya?Copy !req
488. We're havin' some
decent friends over.Copy !req
489. What Ed means to say is,Copy !req
490. seem' as you two boys
are wanted,Copy !req
491. it wouldn't exactly do to
have folks seein' you here.Copy !req
492. It's for
your own protection.Copy !req
493. Sure, H I.Copy !req
494. Anything you say, Hi.Copy !req
495. Matter of fact, honey, I think I'll
skip this little get-together myself.Copy !req
496. Glen won't mind.Copy !req
497. I'll just duck out with the boys,
knock back a coupla co-colas.Copy !req
498. Sure, H I.Copy !req
499. We'd love
to have you, Hi.Copy !req
500. Maybe that ain't such
a swell idea, either.Copy !req
501. So many
social engagements,Copy !req
502. so little time.Copy !req
503. Where's that baby?
Where is he at?Copy !req
504. Go find him, honey!Copy !req
505. Cut it out, Glen!Copy !req
506. He's asleep right now.Copy !req
507. Shit! I hope
we didn't wake it!Copy !req
508. Can I just
sneak a peek-a-loo?Copy !req
509. Come on, kids!Copy !req
510. Get away from
Mr McDunnough's car!Copy !req
511. What's his name?Copy !req
512. Hi...Copy !req
513. Hi Junior, till we
think of a better one.Copy !req
514. Why don't ya call him Jason?
I love biblical names.Copy !req
515. If I had another little boy, I'd
name him Jason, Caleb or Tab.Copy !req
516. He's an angel! He's an angel
straight from heaven!Copy !req
517. Now, honey, I had
all my kids the hard way.Copy !req
518. Tell me how
you got this little angel.Copy !req
519. Did he fly straight
down from heaven?Copy !req
520. Well...Copy !req
521. You're gonna send him
to Arizona State.Copy !req
522. Gimme a Twinkie!Copy !req
523. You need
a beer, Glen?Copy !req
524. Does the Pope
wear a funny hat?Copy !req
525. Yeah, Glen,
I guess it is kinda funny.Copy !req
526. Say, that reminds me.Copy !req
527. How many Polacks does it take
to screw up a light bulb?Copy !req
528. I don't know, Glen. One?Copy !req
529. No, it takes three.Copy !req
530. I told it wrong.
I'll start again.Copy !req
531. How come it takes three Polacks
to screw up a light bulb?Copy !req
532. I don't know, Glen.Copy !req
533. Cos they're
so darn stupid!Copy !req
534. Shit, man! Listen up! What's the matter?
Don't ya get it?Copy !req
535. No, Glen,
I sure don't.Copy !req
536. Well, shit, man.Copy !req
537. I guess that's why
they call it a way-homer.Copy !req
538. Why's that?Copy !req
539. Cos you only get it
on the way home.Copy !req
540. I'm already home, Glen.Copy !req
541. You wet yourself!
You wet yourself!Copy !req
542. Mr McDunnough
wet himself, Daddy!Copy !req
543. Say, that reminds me. How'd
you get that kid so fast?Copy !req
544. Me and Dot went to adopt,
somethin' wrong with my semen.Copy !req
545. They said we had to wait five
years for a healthy white baby.Copy !req
546. I said "Healthy white baby, five years?
OK, what else you got?"Copy !req
547. They said they got two Koreans and a Negro
born with his heart on the outside.Copy !req
548. It's a crazy world.Copy !req
549. Someone oughta
sell tickets.Copy !req
550. Sure. I'd buy one.Copy !req
551. That Buford's a sly one. He already
knows his ABCs. Watch this.Copy !req
552. Hit the deck, boy!Copy !req
553. But like I'm sayin',
how'd you get the kid?Copy !req
554. Well, this whole thing
is just who knows who.Copy !req
555. Then over here
you have favouritism.Copy !req
556. Ed has a friend
at one of the agencies.Copy !req
557. Maybe she can
help me and Dot.Copy !req
558. There's somethin' wrong
with my semen.Copy !req
559. What you gonna name it?Copy !req
560. Ed. Ed Junior.Copy !req
561. But I thought
you said it was a boy.Copy !req
562. Well, as in Edward.
We just like that name.Copy !req
563. It's a good one. I don't
really need another kid,Copy !req
564. but Dot says these are
gettin' too big to cuddle.Copy !req
565. Say, that reminds me...Copy !req
566. Mind you don't
cut yourself, Mordecai.Copy !req
567. Then there's diphtheria-tetanus,
what they call dip-tet.Copy !req
568. They need
dip-tet boosters yearly,Copy !req
569. or they develop lockjaw
and night vision.Copy !req
570. Then there's the smallpox
vaccine, chicken pox and measles.Copy !req
571. If your kid's
like ours,Copy !req
572. you'll have to get all those
shots before he'll take 'em.Copy !req
573. Who's your
paediatrician?Copy !req
574. We ain't exactly fixed
on one yet, have we?Copy !req
575. No,l guess
we don't have one yet.Copy !req
576. Jesus! Well, you gotta
have one this instant!Copy !req
577. What if the baby
gets sick, honey?Copy !req
578. Even if he don't, he's
gotta have his dip-tet.Copy !req
579. He's gotta have
his dip-tet, honey.Copy !req
580. You started
his bank accounts yet?Copy !req
581. Have we done that?
We gotta do that.Copy !req
582. What's that for, Dot?Copy !req
583. His orthodonture
and his university.Copy !req
584. Use iodine, you might
save on orthodonture.Copy !req
585. Won't knock a thing
off the university.Copy !req
586. Riley! You take that
diaper off your head!Copy !req
587. You put it back
onto your sister!Copy !req
588. Anyway, you probably got the
life insurance all squared away.Copy !req
589. Have we done that
yet, honey?Copy !req
590. Gotta do that, Hi.Copy !req
591. Ed's got her hands
full with this angel.Copy !req
592. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
593. What would
Ed and little angel doCopy !req
594. if a truck splattered your
brains over the interstate?Copy !req
595. Yeah, honey.
What if you get run over?Copy !req
596. Or you got carried off
by a twister?Copy !req
597. Say, that reminds me. You hear about
the person of Polish persuasion?Copy !req
598. He walks into a bar with this
big pile of shit in his handCopy !req
599. and says "Look what
I almost stepped in!"Copy !req
600. Yeah, that's funny
all right.Copy !req
601. Damn right! Shit, man,
what's the matter?Copy !req
602. I don't know.Copy !req
603. Maybe it'sCopy !req
604. the wife, kids, family life.
I mean...Copy !req
605. Are you
satisfied, Glen?Copy !req
606. Don't you ever
feel suffocated?Copy !req
607. Like there's somethin'
big pressin' down?Copy !req
608. Yeah, I do know
that feelin'.Copy !req
609. And I told Dot
to lose some weight,Copy !req
610. but she don't
wanna listen.Copy !req
611. No, man,
I know what you mean.Copy !req
612. You got all these
responsibilities now.Copy !req
613. You're married, you got a kid, it looks
like your whole life is set down...Copy !req
614. Where's the excitement?Copy !req
615. Yeah, Glen,
I guess that's it.Copy !req
616. OK, that's a disease,
but you got a cure.Copy !req
617. Yeah?Copy !req
618. Dr Glen is here to tell you
that you can heal thyself.Copy !req
619. What do I gotta do?Copy !req
620. Well, you just gotta
broaden your mind.Copy !req
621. Say if I was to ask you "What
do you think about Dot?"Copy !req
622. Well, she's a fine
woman you got there.Copy !req
623. OK, now you might not
know it to look at her,Copy !req
624. but she's a hellcat.Copy !req
625. That right?Copy !req
626. T-I-G-E-R.Copy !req
627. Well, what's that
gotta do with...Copy !req
628. Now, don't rush me.Copy !req
629. The thing about Dot is...Copy !req
630. She told me this.
She thinks...Copy !req
631. She thinks you're cute.Copy !req
632. Yeah?Copy !req
633. I'm crappin' you negative. And I
could say the same thing about Ed.Copy !req
634. What are you
talkin' about, Glen?Copy !req
635. What am I talkin' about?Copy !req
636. I'm talkin' about sex.
What are you talkin' about?Copy !req
637. I'm talkin' about
l'amour.Copy !req
638. I'm talkin' that me
and Dot are swingers.Copy !req
639. As in, to swing. I'm talkin'
about wife-swappin'.Copy !req
640. I'm talkin' about what they
call now "open marriage..."Copy !req
641. Keep your goddamn
hands off my wife.Copy !req
642. I was only tryin' to help!
You're crazy!Copy !req
643. You're crazy, man!Copy !req
644. Keep your goddamn hands
off my wife!Copy !req
645. You're crazy!
I pity you!Copy !req
646. We finally go out with some decent
people and you break his nose.Copy !req
647. That ain't funny, Hi.Copy !req
648. His kids seemed
to think it was funny.Copy !req
649. Well, they're just kids.Copy !req
650. You're a grown man with responsibilities.
Whatever possessed ya?Copy !req
651. He was provokin' me.Copy !req
652. How'd he do that?Copy !req
653. Never mind.Copy !req
654. But, Hi, he's your foreman.Copy !req
655. He's just
gonna fire you now.Copy !req
656. I expect he will.Copy !req
657. Where does that
leave the three of us?Copy !req
658. Where does that leave
our entire family unit?Copy !req
659. With a man for a husband.Copy !req
660. That ain't no answer.Copy !req
661. Honey, that's
the only answer.Copy !req
662. That ain't no answer.Copy !req
663. With a man for a husband.Copy !req
664. Nathan needs some Huggies.Copy !req
665. I'll be out directly.Copy !req
666. Mind you stay strapped in.Copy !req
667. Wake up, son.Copy !req
668. I'll be takin' these Huggies
and whatever cash you got.Copy !req
669. "No, no, not by the hair on my
chinny-chin-chin" said the little pig.Copy !req
670. Look at that.
Look at him.Copy !req
671. "Then I'll..."Copy !req
672. "Then I'll huff and I'll puff
and I'll blow your house in."Copy !req
673. That son of a bitch.Copy !req
674. That son of a bitch!Copy !req
675. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
676. Better hurry it up. I'm
in Dutch with the wife.Copy !req
677. You son of a bitch!Copy !req
678. Come on now!Copy !req
679. Honey?Copy !req
680. That son of a bitch.Copy !req
681. Hold on, Nathan.
We're gonna go pick up Daddy.Copy !req
682. Son, you got a panty
on your head.Copy !req
683. Just drive fast, OK?Copy !req
684. Wait. There's the wife.Copy !req
685. Honey! Mind the baby now!Copy !req
686. Hang on, Nathan.
We're gonna take a shortcut.Copy !req
687. Can I stop now?Copy !req
688. Thank you.Copy !req
689. That's private property, son.Copy !req
690. Come out to the streetCopy !req
691. and reveal yourself to Officer
Steensma and Officer Scott.Copy !req
692. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
693. Thank you, honey, but you
really didn't have to do this.Copy !req
694. Son of a bitch! What if me and
the baby had been picked up?Copy !req
695. Turn left here.Copy !req
696. He'd be accessory
to armed robbery.Copy !req
697. It ain't armed robbery
if the gun ain't loaded.Copy !req
698. What kind of home life
is it for a toddler?Copy !req
699. You supposed
to be an example.Copy !req
700. For what?Copy !req
701. I never postured myself as a three-piece
suit type. Turn right, honey.Copy !req
702. We got a child now!
Everything's changed!Copy !req
703. Nathan Junior
accepts me for what I am.Copy !req
704. And I think
you better had too.Copy !req
705. You know, honey,
I'm OK, you're OK.Copy !req
706. That there's
what it is.Copy !req
707. I know, but, honey...Copy !req
708. See, I come from a long
line of frontiersmen.Copy !req
709. Here it is, dear.
Turn here.Copy !req
710. Frontiersmen
and outdoor types.Copy !req
711. I'm not gonna live this way, Hi.
It just ain't family life.Copy !req
712. Well, it ain't
Ozzie and Harriet.Copy !req
713. You two are leavin'.Copy !req
714. I got nothin' against you, but
you're wanted by the authorities.Copy !req
715. And you're a bad influence in
this household in my opinion.Copy !req
716. Well, ma'am...Copy !req
717. We sure didn't mean
to influence anybody.Copy !req
718. And if we did,
ma'am, we apologise.Copy !req
719. I'm goin' tomorrow to see
about shots for the baby.Copy !req
720. When I come back,
you better be gone.Copy !req
721. What's he need,
his dip-tet?Copy !req
722. I'm awful sorry, boys,
but when Ed gets mad,Copy !req
723. you know,
she gets an idea.Copy !req
724. There ain't a thing
to apologise for, H I.Copy !req
725. Seems pretty clear what
the situation is here.Copy !req
726. Yeah. I guess the missis
wants us to clear out.Copy !req
727. Now, H I, if you'll
pardon me for sayin' so,Copy !req
728. I get the feelin' that
this ain't workin' out.Copy !req
729. Edwina's generally
a real sweetheart.Copy !req
730. And, as per usual,
I wouldn't be surprisedCopy !req
731. if the source of the marital
friction weren't financial.Copy !req
732. As a matter of fact,Copy !req
733. I did lose my job today.Copy !req
734. Hi, you're young
and you got your health.Copy !req
735. What you want
with a job?Copy !req
736. But I'd rather light a candle
than curse your darkness.Copy !req
737. Now, as you know,Copy !req
738. Evelle here and I never go anywhere
without there's a purpose.Copy !req
739. And here we are
in your little domicile.Copy !req
740. We come to invite you
in on a little score.Copy !req
741. A bank, H I.Copy !req
742. Come on now!Copy !req
743. I know you're partial to convenience
stores, but dammit, H I,Copy !req
744. the sun don't rise and set
on the corner grocery.Copy !req
745. It's like Doc Schwartz says, you
gotta have a little bit of ambition.Copy !req
746. We just watchin'
on the news.Copy !req
747. Somebody snatched up one
of them Arizona babies.Copy !req
748. For chrissakes.Copy !req
749. That there's somebody
who's thinkin' big.Copy !req
750. And here you are,
sittin' on your butt,Copy !req
751. playin' house
with a,Copy !req
752. don't get me wrong, H I,
with a fine woman,Copy !req
753. but a woman who needs one
of them button-down types.Copy !req
754. I don't particularly think
that's any of your...Copy !req
755. Hold on, H I.
Now lookee there.Copy !req
756. That's a picture
of El Dorado.Copy !req
757. The locals call it the Farmers
and Mechanics Bank of La Grange.Copy !req
758. Looks like a hayseed bank. Tell you
the truth, it is a hayseed bank.Copy !req
759. But the last Friday
of every financial quarter,Copy !req
760. it has more cash
than flies at a barbecue.Copy !req
761. And guess
what day it is tomorrow.Copy !req
762. When all the hayseeds come in and
cash their farm subsidies cheques.Copy !req
763. A1 information, Hi.Copy !req
764. Got it in the joint from a
guy named Lawrence Spivey,Copy !req
765. one of Dick Nixon's
undersecretary of agricultures.Copy !req
766. In for soliciting sex
from a state trooper.Copy !req
767. Ordinarily we don't associate
with that type of person, butCopy !req
768. he was tryin' to make
a few Brownie points.Copy !req
769. Boys, I can't.Copy !req
770. Hi, we need someone handy with a
scatter-gun, coverin' them hayseeds,Copy !req
771. while we go in there
and get that cash.Copy !req
772. You understand, H I?Copy !req
773. If this works out, it's just
the beginning of a spreeCopy !req
774. to cover
the entire Southwest.Copy !req
775. And we keep goin'
until we can retireCopy !req
776. or we get caught.Copy !req
777. Either way,
we're fixed for life.Copy !req
778. Boys, it's a kind offer, butCopy !req
779. you're suggesting
I just up and leave Ed.Copy !req
780. And that'd be pretty
damn cowardly, wouldn't it?Copy !req
781. Would it?
Think about it, H I.Copy !req
782. Seems to me sittin' here
you ain't doin' her any good.Copy !req
783. And you ain't bein'
true to your own nature.Copy !req
784. My dearest Edwina,Copy !req
785. tonight,
as you and Nathan slumber,Copy !req
786. my heart is filled
with anguish.Copy !req
787. I hope that
you will both understand,Copy !req
788. and forgive me for what I
have decided I must do.Copy !req
789. By the time you read this,
I will be gone.Copy !req
790. I will never be the man
that you want me to be.Copy !req
791. The husband and father
that you and Nathan deserve.Copy !req
792. Maybe it's my upbringing-Copy !req
793. Maybe it's just that
my genes got screwed up.Copy !req
794. I don't know.Copy !req
795. But the events of the last day
have showed amplyCopy !req
796. that I don't have the strength of
character to raise up a familyCopy !req
797. in the manner
befitting a responsible adult.Copy !req
798. I say all this to my shame.Copy !req
799. I will love you always,Copy !req
800. truly and deeply.Copy !req
801. But I fear that, if I stay,
I would only bring bad troubleCopy !req
802. on the heads of you
and Nathan Junior.Copy !req
803. I feel the thunder gathering
even now.Copy !req
804. If I leave, hopefully,Copy !req
805. it will leave with me.Copy !req
806. I cannot tarry.Copy !req
807. Better I should go,Copy !req
808. send you moneyCopy !req
809. and let you curse my name.Copy !req
810. Your loving...Copy !req
811. Herbert.Copy !req
812. Mr Arizona, he just barged in.
Should I call Duane?Copy !req
813. Hell, no. Why wake
the security guard?Copy !req
814. I'll take care of this.Copy !req
815. You got flies.Copy !req
816. I doubt it.Copy !req
817. This place is climate-controlled.
All the windows are sealed.Copy !req
818. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
819. Smalls. Leonard Smalls.Copy !req
820. My friends call me Lenny.
But I got no friends.Copy !req
821. Stop. You're gonna make me
bust out cryin'.Copy !req
822. Listen, Leonard you want some furniture or
a shit-box, they're on the sales floor.Copy !req
823. I'm not a customer.
I'm a manhunter.Copy !req
824. Now, of course, I do
hunt babies on occasion.Copy !req
825. I hear you got one
you can't put your hand to.Copy !req
826. What do you know about it?Copy !req
827. That's my business.Copy !req
828. I'm a tracker, and some
say part hound dog.Copy !req
829. But when some dink busts
outta the joint, skips bail,Copy !req
830. I'm the one they call.Copy !req
831. Mister,Copy !req
832. I got the cops, state troopers, Federal
Bl, already lookin' for my boy.Copy !req
833. Now if you
got information...Copy !req
834. The cops
won't find your boy.Copy !req
835. A cop couldn't find his butt
if he had a bell on it.Copy !req
836. You wanna find an outlaw,
you call an outlaw.Copy !req
837. You wanna find a Dunkin'
Donuts, call a cop.Copy !req
838. Smalls, first off, get your
damn feet off my furniture.Copy !req
839. Second off, it's widely known I
posted a 25-grand reward for my boy.Copy !req
840. Now if you can find him,
claim it.Copy !req
841. Short of that, what have
we got to talk about?Copy !req
842. Price. Fair price.Copy !req
843. That's not
what you say it is.Copy !req
844. That's what
the market will bear.Copy !req
845. Simple economics.Copy !req
846. Now there are people,
and, mind you, I know 'em,Copy !req
847. that'll pay a lot more
than $25,000Copy !req
848. for a healthy baby.Copy !req
849. What are you after?Copy !req
850. I'll give you an idea.Copy !req
851. As a pup, I myself fetched
$30,000 on the black market.Copy !req
852. That was 1954 dollars.Copy !req
853. Now, for 50 grand,
I'll track himCopy !req
854. and I'll find him.Copy !req
855. And the people that took him
I'll kick their butts.Copy !req
856. No extra charge.Copy !req
857. And if I don't pay?Copy !req
858. I'll get the boy
regardless.Copy !req
859. And if you don't pay,
the market will.Copy !req
860. You wanna know
what I think?Copy !req
861. I think you're an evil man.Copy !req
862. I think this is nothin'
but a goddamn screw job.Copy !req
863. I think
it's a shakedown.Copy !req
864. I think you're the one
that took Nathan JuniorCopy !req
865. and I think you're the one that's
gonna get his butt kicked.Copy !req
866. I think I'm on the phone
to the cops right now.Copy !req
867. Up and at 'em, H I! Today's the
first day of the rest of your life.Copy !req
868. Already you're
messin' it up.Copy !req
869. Missis gonna be back
from town soon.Copy !req
870. Where's the baby?Copy !req
871. In the bedroom
in his crib.Copy !req
872. He's sawin' toothpicks.
He'll be fine.Copy !req
873. You expectin' anyone?Copy !req
874. No.Copy !req
875. You two
stay outta sight.Copy !req
876. Mornin', Glen.Copy !req
877. I ain't comin' in,
if you don't mind.Copy !req
878. I'll just
keep my distance.Copy !req
879. I didn't invite
ya in, Glen.Copy !req
880. Don't even bother.Copy !req
881. First off, you're fired,
and that's official.Copy !req
882. I kinda figured that, Glen.Copy !req
883. Well, that ain't the reason
I come out here. No, sir!Copy !req
884. No. You're in a whole shitload
of trouble, my friend.Copy !req
885. Why don't
ya just calm down?Copy !req
886. Why don't
you just make me?Copy !req
887. You know that little baby
you got in there? Remember?Copy !req
888. I know
what his real name is!Copy !req
889. You wanna keep
your voice down, Glen?Copy !req
890. I'll pitch my voice
wherever I please!Copy !req
891. His name ain't Hi Junior, it ain't Ed
Junior, but it's Junior, all right.Copy !req
892. It's Nathan Junior!Copy !req
893. You stay away
from me, McDunnough!Copy !req
894. Yeah. You're an awful big man when you got
somethin' around to clobber a guy with!Copy !req
895. I ain't a big man.Copy !req
896. That's right.Copy !req
897. And now
you're at my mercy.Copy !req
898. I'm your worst nightmare. I was
gonna turn you in for the reward,Copy !req
899. but Dot wants
somethin' to cuddle.Copy !req
900. I guess we'll be callin' the
baby Glen Junior from now on!Copy !req
901. I'll give you a day
to break the news to Ed!Copy !req
902. Dot'll be around tomorrow
to pick him up.Copy !req
903. Either that,
or you go to jail.Copy !req
904. Say, that reminds me.Copy !req
905. You'll be gettin' a doctor bill
in the mail in a few days.Copy !req
906. I recommend
you pay it!Copy !req
907. What's goin' on here?Copy !req
908. It's just business.Copy !req
909. This'll go hard
or easy, H I.Copy !req
910. Sweet Lord!Copy !req
911. She'll be comin'
round the mountain when she comesCopy !req
912. Oh, when she comesCopy !req
913. She'll be comin' round the
mountain when she comesCopy !req
914. Good!Copy !req
915. I know you're worried, but
we're gonna get him back.Copy !req
916. There ain't no question
about that.Copy !req
917. We will. That's all there is to it.
And another thing,Copy !req
918. I'm gonna be a better
person from here on out.Copy !req
919. That's the way it's gonna be.
It's official.Copy !req
920. You were right. A blind
man could tell ya that.Copy !req
921. They won't hurt him. They're
in it for the score.Copy !req
922. But I'm a changed man.
You were right, I was wrong.Copy !req
923. We got a family here. I'm gonna
start ac:tin' responsibly.Copy !req
924. So let's go, honey.
Let's go get Nathan Junior!Copy !req
925. All have chicken and dumplingsCopy !req
926. Yeah, we'll all have chicken
and dumplings when she comesCopy !req
927. Yeee-hoo!Copy !req
928. I lurve to drive.Copy !req
929. Boy, you sure said
somethin' there, partner.Copy !req
930. Yes, sir.Copy !req
931. I figure between
the ransom and this bank,Copy !req
932. you and I'll be sittin'
in the fabled catbird seat.Copy !req
933. Gale.Copy !req
934. Junior just had
an accident.Copy !req
935. What's that, partner?Copy !req
936. He had hisself
a little ol' accident.Copy !req
937. What do you mean?
He looks OK.Copy !req
938. No, you see,
movin' though we are,Copy !req
939. he just went and had hisself
a little old rest dump.Copy !req
940. Well, that's natural.Copy !req
941. Gale?Copy !req
942. What now, little brother?Copy !req
943. He smiled at me.Copy !req
944. The kid smiled at me.Copy !req
945. Come here, boy. Nice.Copy !req
946. Do you know how to
put these things on?Copy !req
947. Around the butt
and up over the groin area.Copy !req
948. Shoot, I know
where they go, old-timer.Copy !req
949. I just wanna know whether
I need pins or fasteners.Copy !req
950. Well, no.Copy !req
951. They got tapettes
already on there.Copy !req
952. It's self-contained
and fairly explanatory.Copy !req
953. Uh-huh.Copy !req
954. Balloons. Hey, these blow up
into funny shapes at all?Copy !req
955. Well, no, unless
round is funny.Copy !req
956. I'll take these too.Copy !req
957. All right, now.Copy !req
958. Now you just lie down
back there, old-timer.Copy !req
959. Yes, sir.Copy !req
960. All right, I want
you to count up toCopy !req
961. 825Copy !req
962. and then on
back down to zero.Copy !req
963. OK, then.Copy !req
964. I'm gonna come back in five and
check to see you ain't cheatin'.Copy !req
965. Hurry UP!Copy !req
966. He's a cheerful
little critterCopy !req
967. once he warms up to you.Copy !req
968. I don't know how high
this one can count.Copy !req
969. Six Mississippi,
seven Mississippi,Copy !req
970. eight Mississippi,
nine Mississippi...Copy !req
971. Got some baby grub,
baby wipes,Copy !req
972. got them diapers,
them disposable kind.Copy !req
973. I got me
a packet of balloons.Copy !req
974. They blow up into
funny shapes at all?Copy !req
975. No, just circular.Copy !req
976. Say where's Junior?Copy !req
977. What do you mean?
Didn't you put him in?Copy !req
978. No, I thought...Copy !req
979. Where'd we leave him?Copy !req
980. No!Copy !req
981. 801 Mississippi,
800 MississippiCopy !req
982. Junior!Copy !req
983. 791... Oh, bullshit!Copy !req
984. 790 Mississippi...Copy !req
985. 787 Mississippi...Copy !req
986. Baby! Baby!Copy !req
987. Baby! Baby!Copy !req
988. Promise we ain't ever
gonna leave him, Gale.Copy !req
989. Promise we ain't never
gonna give him up.Copy !req
990. We ain't gonna give
him up again, Evelle.Copy !req
991. He's our little
Gale Junior now.Copy !req
992. Ed.Copy !req
993. I realise I can't be much
of a comfort to you now.Copy !req
994. But let me
just say this.Copy !req
995. You'll feel
a whole lot better...Copy !req
996. I don't wanna feel better.Copy !req
997. Honey...Copy !req
998. I don't care
about myself any more.Copy !req
999. I don't care
about us any more.Copy !req
1000. I just want Nathan Junior
back safe.Copy !req
1001. I know that.Copy !req
1002. If we don't get him back safe,
I don't wanna go on livin'.Copy !req
1003. And even if we do
get him back safe,Copy !req
1004. I don't wanna go on
livin' with you.Copy !req
1005. I guess
I still love you, Hi.Copy !req
1006. I... I know I do.Copy !req
1007. I ain't even blamin' you.Copy !req
1008. The whole thing was crazy and
the whole thing was my idea.Copy !req
1009. Well, factually,
I myself bear a very large...Copy !req
1010. Let me finish.Copy !req
1011. Ever since those jailbirds took
little Nathan, I been thinkin'Copy !req
1012. and I ain't too proud
of myself.Copy !req
1013. Even if Mrs Arizona had
more than she could handle,Copy !req
1014. I was a police officer,Copy !req
1015. sworn to uphold the Constitution
of the United States.Copy !req
1016. Now, honey, you resigned
before we ever...Copy !req
1017. That ain't
the point, Hi.Copy !req
1018. We don't deserve Nathan Junior any
more than those jailbirds do.Copy !req
1019. If I'm as selfish
and irresponsible as you...Copy !req
1020. You're not that bad.Copy !req
1021. If I'm as bad as you, what
good are we to each other?Copy !req
1022. You and me
is just a fool's paradise.Copy !req
1023. There she is.
Yep.Copy !req
1024. Well, let's do her.Copy !req
1025. What are we gonna do
with Gale Junior?Copy !req
1026. He stays here.Copy !req
1027. Are you crazy?Copy !req
1028. Supposin' we go in there
and get ourselves killed.Copy !req
1029. It'd be hours
before he was discovered.Copy !req
1030. All right, you hayseeds,
it's a stick-up!Copy !req
1031. Everybody freeze! Everybody
down on the ground!Copy !req
1032. Well, which is it,
young feller?Copy !req
1033. You want I should freeze
or get down on the ground?Copy !req
1034. I mean to say, if I freeze,
I can't rightly drop,Copy !req
1035. and, if I drop, I'm gonna be in motion.
You see?Copy !req
1036. Shut up!
OK, then.Copy !req
1037. Everybody down
on the ground!Copy !req
1038. You can forget
that part about freezin'.Copy !req
1039. That is till
they get down there.Copy !req
1040. Y'all hear that,
don't ya?Copy !req
1041. You wanna fill this up,
partner? We gotta...Copy !req
1042. Shit! Where did
all the tellers go?Copy !req
1043. We're down here, sir.Copy !req
1044. They're over there on the ground
like you commanded, Gale.Copy !req
1045. I told you not to
use my damn name.Copy !req
1046. Can't you even try to keep
from forgettin' that?Copy !req
1047. Not even
your code name?Copy !req
1048. Oh, yeah, yeah.
My code name.Copy !req
1049. Y'all hear that?
We're usin' code names.Copy !req
1050. All right, everybody. We're about
ready to begin the robbery proper.Copy !req
1051. Yeee-ha!Copy !req
1052. Hurry up,
you dang hayseed!Copy !req
1053. All right, now y'all know
how this here works.Copy !req
1054. That hayseed over there with
the red hat, he's the monitor.Copy !req
1055. OK, you betcha.Copy !req
1056. I want you to stay flat
for ten full minutes.Copy !req
1057. We might just come
back in five to check.Copy !req
1058. That's for us to know
and for y'all to find out.Copy !req
1059. Anyone found bipedal in five
wears his ass for a hat.Copy !req
1060. Yea-how.!Copy !req
1061. That old-timer
threw off my concentration.Copy !req
1062. Otherwise it would
have gone smoother.Copy !req
1063. Shoot, Gale. We done good. This
oughta split up real nice three ways.Copy !req
1064. Goddammit, you never
leave a man behind!Copy !req
1065. Where's the baby?Copy !req
1066. Where's the baby?Copy !req
1067. Dammit, H I, ain't we got
enough to contend with?Copy !req
1068. I don't know, ma'am. I thought
we left him up on the roof.Copy !req
1069. I think we left him
at the bank.Copy !req
1070. Ms McDunnough,
I'm worried sick about him!Copy !req
1071. Hold on, H I.Copy !req
1072. I'm worried sick
about him!Copy !req
1073. Hi!
H I!Copy !req
1074. Hi!
Ms McDunnough!Copy !req
1075. Let us
come with you!Copy !req
1076. Please!Copy !req
1077. He's our baby, too!Copy !req
1078. What is he?Copy !req
1079. Do you see him too?Copy !req
1080. Gimme that baby!Copy !req
1081. I want that baby!Copy !req
1082. Gimme that baby,
you Warthog from hell!Copy !req
1083. Just lay down
on the floor, young missy.Copy !req
1084. Run along now, honey.Copy !req
1085. But, Hi...Copy !req
1086. Just run along now.Copy !req
1087. Whoa!Copy !req
1088. I... I didn't...Copy !req
1089. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1090. What the hell's
goin' on?Copy !req
1091. Get away
from there!Copy !req
1092. Let's go.Copy !req
1093. Wait a minute.
I ain't through with you.Copy !req
1094. What are you doin' creepin'
around in the dark?Copy !req
1095. You in with Smalls?Copy !req
1096. Excuse me?Copy !req
1097. Leonard Smalls. Big feller.
Rides a Harley.Copy !req
1098. Dresses like a rock star.Copy !req
1099. No, sir. That's who
we saved him from.Copy !req
1100. It's a long story.Copy !req
1101. Suppose you tell it.Copy !req
1102. Well, sir,
in a reward situation,Copy !req
1103. they usually say
"no questions asked."Copy !req
1104. Oh.Copy !req
1105. Do they?
Yeah.Copy !req
1106. Well...Copy !req
1107. All right, boy.Copy !req
1108. I guess you got
a reward comin'.Copy !req
1109. $25,000.Copy !req
1110. Or, if you need
home furnishings,Copy !req
1111. I can give you a line of
credit at any of my stores.Copy !req
1112. In fact, that's the way I'd rather
handle it, for tax reasons.Copy !req
1113. We don't want no reward. We
didn't bring him back for money.Copy !req
1114. We could work it
that way too.Copy !req
1115. Could I just look at
him a little bit more?Copy !req
1116. Be my guest,
little lady.Copy !req
1117. But...Copy !req
1118. Would you mind tellin' me
exactly how you...Copy !req
1119. You took him, didn't you?Copy !req
1120. It wasn't
that biker at all.Copy !req
1121. I took him, sir. My wife
had nothin' to do with it.Copy !req
1122. I crept in
yon window and...Copy !req
1123. We both did it.Copy !req
1124. We didn't wanna hurt him any.
I just wanted to be a mama.Copy !req
1125. It wasn't for
money or nothin'.Copy !req
1126. We just figured you had more
than you could handle baby-wise.Copy !req
1127. But I'm the one committed
the actual crime,Copy !req
1128. so if you need to
call the authorities...Copy !req
1129. Shut up. Nobody's gonna call the
authorities if there's no harm done.Copy !req
1130. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
1131. Aw, bullshit.Copy !req
1132. Just tell me
why you did it.Copy !req
1133. WeCopy !req
1134. can't have one of our own.Copy !req
1135. Well, look...Copy !req
1136. If you can't have kids,
you just gotta keep tryin'Copy !req
1137. and hope medical science catches
up with you, like Florence and me.Copy !req
1138. It caught up
with a vengeance.Copy !req
1139. But, hell, even if it
never does for you,Copy !req
1140. you still got
each other.Copy !req
1141. Sir, those are
kind words, butCopy !req
1142. I think the wife and I
are splittin' up.Copy !req
1143. Her point is that we're both
kinda selfish and unrealistic,Copy !req
1144. so we ain't too good
for each other.Copy !req
1145. Well, ma'am,
I don't know much,Copy !req
1146. but I do know
human beings.Copy !req
1147. You brought back my boy, so you
must have your good points too.Copy !req
1148. I sure hate to think
of Florence leavin' me.Copy !req
1149. I do love her so.Copy !req
1150. You can go out
the way you came in.Copy !req
1151. And before you go off and do another
foolish thing, like bustin' up,Copy !req
1152. I suggest
you sleep on it.Copy !req
1153. At least one night.Copy !req
1154. That night I had a dream.Copy !req
1155. I dreamt I was
as light as the ether,Copy !req
1156. a floatin' spirit,
visitin' things to come.Copy !req
1157. The shades and shadows
of the people in my lifeCopy !req
1158. wrestled their way
into my slumber.Copy !req
1159. I dreamt that Gale and Evelle had
decided to return to prison.Copy !req
1160. Probably that's just as well.Copy !req
1161. I don't mean
to sound superior,Copy !req
1162. and they're
a swell coupla guys,Copy !req
1163. but maybe they weren't ready yet
to come out into the world.Copy !req
1164. And then I dreamed on,
into the future,Copy !req
1165. to a Christmas morning
in the Arizona home,Copy !req
1166. where Nathan Junior
was openin' a presentCopy !req
1167. from a kindly couple who
preferred to remain unknown.Copy !req
1168. I saw Glen
a few years later,Copy !req
1169. still havin' no luck gettin' the cops to
listen to his wild tales about me and Ed.Copy !req
1170. Maybe he threw in
one Polack joke too many.Copy !req
1171. I don't know.Copy !req
1172. But still I dreamed on,Copy !req
1173. further into the future
than I'd ever dreamed before.Copy !req
1174. Watchin' Nathan Junior's
progress from afar,Copy !req
1175. takin' pride in his accomplishments,
as if he were our own,Copy !req
1176. wonderin'
if he ever thought of us,Copy !req
1177. and hopin' that maybe we'd
broadened his horizons a little,Copy !req
1178. even if he couldn't remember
just how they got broadened.Copy !req
1179. But still I hadn't dreamt
nothin' about me and Ed,Copy !req
1180. until the end.Copy !req
1181. And this was cloudier,Copy !req
1182. because it was
years, years away.Copy !req
1183. But I saw an old couple bein'
visited by their childrenCopy !req
1184. and all their
grandchildren too.Copy !req
1185. The old couple
weren't screwed up,Copy !req
1186. and neither were their kids
or their grandkids.Copy !req
1187. Dad.Copy !req
1188. And I don't know.Copy !req
1189. You tell me.Copy !req
1190. This whole dream.Copy !req
1191. Was it wishful thinkin'?Copy !req
1192. Was I just fleein' reality,
like I know I'm liable to do?Copy !req
1193. But me and Ed,
we can be good too.Copy !req
1194. And it seemed real.Copy !req
1195. It seemed like us.Copy !req
1196. And it seemed like,Copy !req
1197. well, our home.Copy !req
1198. If not Arizona, then a
land not too far away,Copy !req
1199. where all parents are
strong and wise and capableCopy !req
1200. and all the children
are happy and beloved.Copy !req
1201. I don't know.Copy !req
1202. Maybe it was Utah.Copy !req