Plus One (2019)

1. This is gonna be tough.

2. Um... my sister means a lot to me.

3. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have you

4. not only as my daughter but as my very best friend.

5. Oh.

6. While Devery was growing up, many doubted

7. that the words "Devery" and "wedding"...

8. would ever be used simultaneously.

9. If there's one important lesson my parents have taught me

10. to a great life and a happy marriage,

11. it's to always have a drink in your hand.

12. And since Seth is one of my best friends

13. and you just embarrassed Seth,

14. I got his back, and I'm about to embarrass Jillian.

15. And I saw Camille laugh, then I knew you were the one.

16. God bless you both. I love you.

17. I would like to propose a toast.

18. - Raise your glasses. - Cheers.

19. - Cheers.

20. Cheers.

21. So...

22. here you are... getting married.

23. Ugh.

24. You always said I'd be the first to go,

25. but... I guess this makes sense.

26. It's just like the sleepovers we used to have.

27. We were young...

28. - but we were kings. Ben.

29. A group of guys trying to stay up as late as we could.

30. Nothing could make us surrender our freedom.

31. - Ben. - Yes. Alice.

32. Sorry, but I have a question.

33. Why is this whole thing about sleeping children?

34. It's an allegory. Can you just let me finish?

35. Oh! Okay. Well, as an allegory, then this is amazing.

36. You promised you'd be supportive.

37. I am! I just told you it's amazing.

38. Keep going.

39. See, there are a couple of phases to every sleepover.

40. First there's the beginning of the night,

41. when everything's perfect

42. and it seems like no one's ever going to bed.

43. Then a few guys pass out, and everyone makes fun of them

44. for being weak and soft.

45. - Soft? - Okay.

46. But slowly, the rest pass out, and before you know it,

47. it's down to you and one other person.

48. That was always me and Matt.

49. Brothers in arms.

50. Well, that was fuckin' weird.

51. All right. The speech is good.

52. - You're just being a dick. - Um, I'm sorry, Ben.

53. Do you know what a best-man's speech is?

54. It is one man's heartfelt truth spoken publicly to another man

55. who happens to be getting married

56. and leaving me behind forever.

57. - Eesh. - I'm fine.

58. - Yeah? - I know how that sounded.

59. I'm fine. I'm happy for Matt.

60. - Clearly. - No, I-I really am.

61. And plus, I got someone to look forward to.

62. Jess Ramsey's in the house tonight.

63. Who?

64. Jess Ramsey. You know who she is.

65. Remember she came to visit our dorm freshman year?

66. She almost spent the night in my room.

67. We did that play in high school where we had to kiss,

68. but then, at the after-party, we actually kissed.

69. I'm really sorry, Ben.

70. I must have cleared out the memory of her

71. to make space for something else.

72. - Okay. This has been great. - I agree.

73. But I think it's time for you to go back to your room.

74. I don't like my room.

75. I got to get to my best-man duties.

76. - Come on. - Duties? What duties?

77. Pictures, mingling. There's a lot of mingling.

78. - Well, I've got zero duties. - Come on.

79. Ben, I'm trying to help you, okay?

80. A wedding speech is just making people laugh.

81. This Ramsey girl doesn't want to hear

82. your weird, jealous sendoff for Matt.

83. I'm not jealous.

84. You're a little jelly.

85. You're a little jellybean. Boop-boop-beep.

86. Okay. Bye, Alice.

87. Okay. Bye.

88. Your speech sucked.

89. Just tell them a funny story.

90. You'll thank me later.

91. Fuck.

92. But somehow Amanda still thought Matt was attractive after that.

93. So I'd like to raise a glass...

94. to Matt and Amanda.

95. I love you guys so much. Congratulations.

96. - Great speech. - Thank you. Appreciate it.

97. Dude, get over here. That was amazing.

98. - Thank you so much! - You liked it? You liked it?

99. - Loved it. - Oh, good.

100. That was so good, Ben!

101. - Thank you. - Oh, my God. Of course.

102. Oh, it was so good.

103. I can't believe you told the hot dog story.

104. I had to tell it.

105. I'm sure Bubbe loved the hot dog story.

106. - I think she kind of did. - She had to hear it.

107. - Maybe? All right.

108. Let's get that bride and groom out on the dance floor.

109. - We'll see you in a second.

110. Yes. Go. Go. Have fun.

111. - Oh. Thanks, guy. - Dude, great speech.

112. Thank you. Thank you.

113. There he is. Best speech of the night.

114. Yeah. Thanks, guys, really.

115. Oh!

116. Looks like it wasn't such a bad speech after all.

117. You changed the whole thing 'cause of me.

118. I saved the speech.

119. I'm a hero. Mm.

120. Did you get blackout while I was up there?

121. Did you get blackout when you were up there?

122. Fucking hell.

123. Ben, that was so good.

124. Oh, my God. Thanks, Kelly.

125. - It was so sweet. - Really? It was?

126. Okay.

127. Whoo. Watch out.

128. Alice.

129. You're dancing all alone over here.

130. - That's the name of my new book.

131. Hey. Hey. I know.

132. I have been so completely wrapped up

133. in all this wedding shit.

134. I was meaning to call you. But I heard about you and Nate.

135. - I'm so sorry. - Oh, fine.

136. Let's not talk about it here.

137. Oh, my God. Anne! My God!

138. Congratulations!

139. Ben King!

140. Jess Ramsey.

141. I have been trying to talk to you all night.

142. Here's the thing.

143. I'm the best man, so I'm a little busy.

144. - I have a lot going on. - I noticed. I did.

145. - And the speech was so good. - Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

146. Yeah, thanks. Took us forever to write it.

147. - Oh, you helped with the speech? - Yeah.

148. - No. - Just the good parts, though.

149. The pedophilia shit was all this guy.

150. Alice, I think there's another dance floor in the basement.

151. What?

152. There's another dance floor in the basement.

153. You should go find it.

154. You're a bad person.

155. Is that your girlfriend?

156. Her? N-No. No. That's just Alice.

157. - She's my friend from college. - [ Down-tempo music plays ]

158. We're gonna slow things down here.

159. Uh, shall we?

160. Oh. Sure.

161. I got to warn you, I got some pretty great moves.

162. - How you been? - Good. I've been good.

163. You know, it's wedding season, so I've been kind of —

164. Depressed? Totally.

165. I was gonna say busy.

166. - Yes. Busy. Busy is the word.

167. - Yeah. Ben!

168. Ben!

169. Oh.

170. Looks like Alice found a new boyfriend.

171. Ben, come touch this kid's arm. He's so soft.

172. She's not usually like this. She's going through a breakup.

173. Is she okay? I mean, should you go help her?

174. Um, I-I think she's fine.

175. Ben, come touch him!

176. Oh, my God. It's gorgeous out here.

177. - Yeah. - I thought the inside was great.

178. Then I saw the outside and I'm like,

179. "What have I been doing inside?"

180. It's fantastic.

181. Are you sure Alice is gonna be okay?

182. Yeah, yeah. She got in the shuttle back to the hotel.

183. As long as she can make her way to her room, she should be fine.

184. I feel like that might be a challenge for her.

185. Oh, it's definitely up for grabs. Yes.

186. You totally could have stayed with her.

187. I'm just gonna get a car and head home.

188. No, no, no. I mean, I feel like I so rarely get to see you.

189. This was so great to just catch up.

190. - Yeah. - Yeah.

191. Alice and I, we're not even really that close.

192. She just needs a shoulder to cry on right now.

193. And you get to be the lucky shoulder.

194. Yeah. I feel really, um, blessed and honored.

195. That's one of the many gifts of being at the singles' table.

196. You get all the singles that come with it.

197. Yeah. It sounds like you need a new table.

198. Well, you got to be in a relationship for that.

199. That can't be a problem for you.

200. You're cute and charming and funny.

201. - Go on. - Oh, stop.

202. - Oh, my God. - Oh, God. Oh, uh...

203. I'm s— Was that —

204. Did I— What just happened?

205. Did I just do something horrible?

206. It's okay. Just, um, I'm engaged.

207. Jesus. I... Okay. Was that there the whole time?

208. - Yeah. - Okay.

209. I guess I got to start looking out for those.

210. Um, I'm so sorry.

211. - I had no idea. - It's okay.

212. Uh, I should get a car, though,

213. 'cause I have this crazy day tomorrow and I need to...

214. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

215. It was so nice seeing you, though.

216. Yeah! Yeah. This, um, this — this was great.

217. - Yep. - Yeah.

218. - Oh. - Okay.

219. Well...

220. - Yeah. Bye, Jess. See ya. - Bye, Ben.

221. Oh, fuck, yeah.

222. Oh, God. Oh.

223. What are you doing?

224. I'm catching up on old episodes of "Bones."

225. Oh, fuck! - How did you get in here?

226. I stole one of your key cards this morning.

227. Well, that's just a huge violation of privacy.

228. I'm sorry!

229. Yeah.

230. - How'd it go with blondie?

231. I ate shit.

232. Went in for the kiss. Did not go well.

233. Apparently, she's engaged, because of course she is.

234. Though I feel a little led on

235. 'cause she touches me a lot for someone with a fiancé.

236. Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.

237. Hey.

238. All right?

239. What's wrong?

240. Is this a Nate thing?

241. No, it's not a Nate thing! God!

242. Okay, okay.

243. It's just why does everyone have to get married now?

244. So it is a Nate thing.

245. My little sister's getting married before me.

246. And I have four more to do this year.

247. Four!

248. Yeah.

249. I got you beat.

250. Six.

251. I feel like once everybody saw 30 on the horizon,

252. they were like, "Hey, guys.

253. Um, you know what? I would like to get engaged."

254. - Hey, Ben? - Here.

255. Will you come to Jason and Sarah's wedding with me

256. next weekend?

257. Alice, I'm not looking to go to more of these.

258. I already told them I was bringing someone

259. when Nate and I were still together,

260. and I really don't want to go alone.

261. There's gonna be a lot of cute girls there.

262. You might meet someone,

263. someone even better than Jen Rimbly.

264. Jess Ramsey, but yeah, I hear you.

265. Please.

266. Please, Ben.

267. I promise you're gonna meet someone,

268. and if you don't,

269. I will pay someone to take care of you.

270. No. No deal.

271. So we have a deal.

272. Oh.

273. - Oh, shit. Um, okay.

274. Here. Here. Here.

275. Okay. Okay.

276. You're okay.

277. Hey.

278. Alice.

279. - Aah!

280. - You're home. - What the fuck?

281. You're such an asshole.

282. Y'ello. What's up, T.J.?

283. How are you, man? Um, listen.

284. I was wondering.

285. You and me tonight, going out like old times.

286. What do you think?

287. Wait. Wait. What?

288. That's crazy!

289. Since when are you in a relationship, dude?

290. With — With Dry Lips?

291. No. You called her that, man.

292. All right. Well, cool. Let's chill soon, huh?

293. Later.

294. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

295. Hey, Dad. Uh, are you free tomorrow?

296. You want to meet up in the morning?

297. Yeah, 7:00, uh, 7:00 works.

298. Dad, you here?

299. Stranger! Stranger!

300. Hey. Hey, guys.

301. - Stranger! Stranger! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

302. I'm not — I'm not a stranger.

303. Boys, boys, boys, boys!

304. - Hey. Mom, a stranger.

305. No, it's Ben. You know Ben.

306. - Hi, Ben. - Hi, Gina.

307. Come here, sweetie. Come on.

308. Sorry. We had a little sleepover last night.

309. Chuck! You know what?

310. Your dad should be down in a minute.

311. - He's a stranger. - He is not a stranger.

312. Come on, boys. We're gonna get some naps today.

313. Um, Ben, it was good to see you.

314. - Good to see you, too, Gina. - Guys, come on.

315. Let's not hit Mommy with the duck, okay?

316. Dad?

317. All right. Get ready for the magic.

318. Am I on the green?

319. No.

320. Are you lying?

321. Yeah, Dad, I'm lying.

322. Oh, drat.

323. Don't say "drat." You're not 100.

324. I like "drat." It feels classic.

325. Oh.

326. - My God. How's work?

327. Yeah. It's, uh, it's fine. It's not great.

328. Honestly, I'm thinking of moving on to something else,

329. maybe getting into teaching, maybe writing.

330. - Maybe astronaut? - Okay.

331. I just don't think my heart's in this anymore, you know?

332. I miss the days when we were just a scrappy start-up.

333. It's a job.

334. What is it with you young people having to love your work?

335. I don't have to love my work. It's just — I don't know.

336. It'd be great if I wasn't miserable while I was there.

337. Sometimes I wonder how you got so picky.

338. - You spoiled me?

339. So it seems like Gina's been staying over a lot lately.

340. Yeah. That's getting pretty serious.

341. - Oh.

342. - We are horrible today. - Yeah.

343. What's uh, what's "pretty serious" mean?

344. Well, I just proposed to her.

345. What?

346. Yeah. We're getting married end of October.

347. Jesus Christ!

348. When were you gonna tell me?

349. Now. This is it — me telling you.

350. Dad, Gina's like half your age.

351. So? She makes me happy, Ben.

352. Yeah. So did Mom once.

353. Yeah, and we gave it our best shot for 16 years.

354. Dad, I-I just feel like maybe marriage...

355. isn't your thing, you know?

356. I mean, you've already had two that have failed.

357. I don't view either of them as failures.

358. I'm just asking you... to pace yourself

359. so you don't make the same mistakes you have before.

360. Gina would like to get to know you over dinner this weekend.

361. All of us. I'd like you to come by.

362. You know what? I-I actually can't.

363. I told a friend I'd go to a wedding with her.

364. Maybe next weekend?

365. Yeah. We'll see.

366. I know. It's — I know. I got it. I got it.

367. So Sarah may not know how to jet ski...

368. but she's a pretty good little sister.

369. Anyway, the question will always remain —

370. Which came first,

371. Jason's proposal... or Sarah's pregnancy?

372. Real chicken-or-the-egg situation there.

373. But we're all, uh, super excited

374. to have a ba— new baby in the family.

375. So... congrats, you guys.

376. Nate took all the books when he moved out.

377. Like what? Like I don't read?

378. You don't read.

379. It's like he doesn't think I'm smart,

380. like he's the reader.

381. Oh. And I didn't tell you.

382. He's fucking somebody else.

383. He is?

384. He's fucking Shaina from accounting.

385. God. How do you not just fire her?

386. I should! I should fucking fire her.

387. Do it. Put her on the streets!

388. You promised me you'd introduce me to someone here,

389. but I haven't had a single meet-cute.

390. What is a meet-cute?

391. It's like when two people meet each other

392. and they instantly fall in love,

393. like when you reach for the same cereal at the grocery store

394. and it's adorable, and you're like, "Oh, my God.

395. You like Lucky Charms, too? That's amazing.

396. I'm Ben, by the way."

397. Okay. All right.

398. How about that girl?

399. She looks like she likes cereal.

400. Uh, yeah.

401. - Yeah? - Yeah, I'm down.

402. All right. Good luck.

403. - Oh, my God.

404. - Sorry.

405. - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm good.

406. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's — That was my friend.

407. She has a social disorder.

408. I think I feel a connection happening!

409. She's funny.

410. No. No, no, no. She is not.

411. - I'm Ben. - Hi. I'm Kara.

412. Hi. Uh, how do you know Jason and Sarah?

413. Yo.

414. Hey. How'd it go?

415. Got a number, baby.

416. - Yeah, baby. You're welcome.

417. Totally microwaved that hot meet-cute.

418. Yeah. I hate to say it, but thank you.

419. You know... we could, actually, like, do this

420. for all the weddings.

421. Do what?

422. I take you, you take me. Win-win.

423. You're suggesting doubling down on weddings?

424. - Like, on purpose? - No.

425. I'm suggesting teaming up

426. to take on the love marathon together —

427. just like gang-bang it.

428. That's 10 weddings between us.

429. And I got some rough ones coming up.

430. Come on. How else are you gonna find single girls like that?

431. You know, I actually do just fine

432. without you body-checking me into women.

433. - Ben. - Yeah.

434. Ben, this is actually a great idea.

435. - Oh, is it? - Yeah.

436. What just happened —

437. that is proof that I can close for you, buddy.

438. Oh, you're right here.

439. - Yeah. - Okay. A little bit of space?

440. I'm gonna tee it up for you with the ladies.

441. I'll be your wingman.

442. I'll set you up so you can do your thing, you know?

443. What is happening here?

444. This is you... getting pounded by a pussy.

445. Jesus Christ.

446. - You know, Alice... - What?

447. as enticing as that sounds,

448. I'm not really looking to go around just banging bridesmaids.

449. I know. I'm not saying that.

450. This is about exposure to relationship opportunities.

451. - Move.

452. Your wingmen are gone.

453. W-What are you gonna do?

454. You gonna hit the club solo

455. after pounding vodka Red Bulls in your apartment by yourself?

456. Ooh. That is bleak, man.

457. Why do you want this so much?

458. 'Cause...

459. Ben, this is gonna be so much worse if we do it on our own.

460. We'll be stuck at singles' tables

461. and shelling out for hotel rooms to sleep in — alone.

462. At least I'd have a bed to myself.

463. - Oh, my God. Come on. - I'd rather not share.

464. I share beds with my girlfriends all the time.

465. Well, I'm not a girl, Alice. I'm a full-blown man.

466. A full-blown —

467. I'm not going to any more weddings with you.

468. - No! - Go to bed.

469. I'm not tired.

470. What are you doing? You're on my side.

471. - I just want to cuddle. - No.

472. No cuddling.

473. What? You don't like cuddling?

474. I love cuddling.

475. I just don't want to cuddle with you.

476. No. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Line.

477. Line of demarcation right here,

478. right down the middle of the bed.

479. You cross this line, you're entering foreign airspace

480. and you'll be shot out of the sky.

481. It's just cuddling.

482. No.

483. No way. No.

484. - Not fair. - Not fair?

485. If I get a boner, you'll think I think you're attractive,

486. and you'll never let me live that down.

487. Oh, my God. Okay.

488. I promise I won't read any subtext into your boner.

489. - You're gonna read the boner. - I'm not.

490. Well, let's say I don't get a boner

491. and you can't fall asleep

492. because my flaccid penis is making you feel ugly.

493. Jesus. Are you always this big of a spaz in bed?

494. No. I just — I just don't want to cuddle with you, okay?

495. Cuddling doesn't have to be sexual.

496. It can be about feeling close to someone.

497. I feel close enough to you over here.

498. What if I'm big spoon?

499. No. No. No.

500. You're not cradling my body. That's horrifying.

501. What about tickle scratching?

502. What the fuck is tickle scratching?

503. We, like — We scratch each other's backs in a gentle way,

504. but it's not weird.

505. It's like...

506. What?

507. Oh, God damn it.

508. Alice.

509. What?

510. I'll do the wedding thing with you.

511. Really?

512. Yeah.

513. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

514. Oh. Okay.

515. Ben?

516. Yeah.

517. - Can you feel my boner? - No.

518. Um, Paul...

519. Oh, God. Great times.

520. Paul, remember the late-night taco trips in college?

521. We used to — I don't know if you guys know.

522. We used to go — We used to walk through the drive-through

523. and, like, uh, and order... all of these tacos.

524. Uh... you know?

525. Uh... Sorry.

526. I lost my place.

527. Oh, one second.

528. Ugh.

529. What is that smell?

530. I tried to warn you.

531. And look at this. It's got two beds.

532. My dear, look at this.

533. Two whole beds for two human adults.

534. Yeah. Yeah, this chateau is marvelous.

535. - Benjy — - What is this voice?

536. - What is it? - It's Australian.

537. - Is it? - Yeah.

538. Do you join me for some caviar on the veranda.

539. Whatever.

540. This place is fucking disgusting.

541. I'm gonna change and go to the pool.

542. Okay.

543. Hey, man.

544. Okay.

545. Joshua.

546. Joshua, will you not do that, please?

547. You freak people out when you do that.

548. That little fucker's gonna kill someone someday.

549. I just know it.

550. You know, the other day, he asked me for my teeth

551. so that he could eat them.

552. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.

553. No. It's fine.

554. I do. I have a demon child.

555. - I'm Ellie, by the way. - Hi.

556. - This is, uh, Maggie. - Hey.

557. I'm Alice.

558. - You here for the wedding? - Yeah.

559. You friends with Paul or Marissa?

560. Uh, neither.

561. I'm, uh, I'm that guy's plus one.

562. Oh. Hm.

563. - So you're one of those girls. - One of what?

564. One of those Asian girls that only dates white guys.

565. - Oh, my God. - No, I'm not. That's insane.

566. I — My ex was Asian.

567. "Was"? Did he die?

568. Yeah. I'd like to think that he did.

569. Seems to me like you're due for a white guy.

570. - Am I? - It's the Ping-Pong Effect.

571. You always date the opposite of the person you just dated.

572. Are Asians and whites opposite?

573. Oh, my God. You'll have to excuse my sister.

574. She has a tendency to be racist.

575. I just want to know if she's smashing that hot guy

576. in the pool.

577. What, Ben?

578. - God, no. - Why not?

579. 'Cause Ben doesn't date people. He dates ideas.

580. And trust me, I'm not his type of idea. Blah.

581. Well, what is his type of idea?

582. Why? Are you interested?

583. I haven't talked to him, but he's cute.

584. Well, I can totally hook that shit up.

585. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, for sure.

586. It has not been an easy ride.

587. And I know that.

588. And I know what I've put you through.

589. And I know how I can be.

590. I can be tough.

591. But you're always there...

592. It's so fucking hot.

593. always ready to catch me when I fall.

594. Always my best friend.

595. - I need to pee. - If we can just sit on the couch

596. and eat Chinese food and watch "The Great British Bake Off"

597. - for the rest of our lives... - I'm gonna make a run for it.

598. No. Wait. Wait. Wait. I think we're nearing the end.

599. because we're gonna raise beautiful babies!

600. He's fucking talking about babies.

601. I'm literally gonna piss myself.

602. Can you tell your girlfriend to keep it down?

603. I'm sorry, but she's literally gonna piss herself.

604. And I'm not his girlfriend.

605. That's disgusting and presumptuous.

606. May the blessings of life and the joy of love

607. be your constant companion.

608. You may now seal your union with a kiss.

609. Let's go.

610. Yes!

611. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

612. Ah! Ben, this is Maggie. She's into you, okay?

613. Have fun. Don't fuck it up. Excuse me. Excuse me.

614. That was... unexpected.

615. Yeah. She does that.

616. Uh, do you want to get a beer?

617. Yeah. I'd love to.

618. Maybe just let them finish up first.

619. Of course. Yeah.

620. Great job, guys.

621. - All right. - [ Mid-tempo music plays ]

622. Everybody — Everybody, on your cups!

623. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

624. Ready! Go!

625. I'm just gonna say it.

626. You look like someone who would do okay on "Survivor."

627. - Really? - Mm-hmm.

628. Like, you think I'd win?

629. You're good-looking enough to get far

630. but not good-looking enough to win.

631. What does good-looking have to do with "Survivor"?

632. You got to be built.

633. You got to be fuckin'...

634. and survive.

635. The question was how are you so bad?

636. - It was — Okay. - How are you so bad?

637. I — Look. Okay. I'm bad at flip cup.

638. I'm — I'm saying it. I'm admitting it.

639. I'm bad at flip cup!

640. - He's bad at flip cup. - I'm bad at flip cup.

641. Uh, hey, truth or dare.

642. Truth.

643. Okay. I truth you to close your eyes.

644. - This is bad. - Oh, really?

645. The diner tilapia wasn't a winner?

646. That's a shocker.

647. How was Maggie?

648. Um... she was good.

649. Yeah, you know, she was... she was really —

650. Yeah. She was cool.

651. Wow. You must really like her.

652. I don't — I don't know. I just, um...

653. I don't think we have that long-term potential,

654. but I had a fun time with her.

655. You spent one night with her.

656. How can you possibly know what kind of potential you have?

657. Alice, when you've been single as long as I have,

658. you know what you want.

659. And when you know what you want, you can cut bait way quicker.

660. Yeah, but you don't know what you want.

661. You have the worst standards.

662. I have realistic standards.

663. I do.

664. What about Jess Ramsey?

665. I would date her, but she's engaged.

666. Why do you always say her first and last name

667. like some sort of serial killer?

668. 'Cause she's a firsty-lasty.

669. It's the same thing with me. I'm Ben King.

670. You're just jealous 'cause you're not a firsty-lasty —

671. - Alice Mori. - All right. Fine.

672. Let's pretend, for the sake of this argument,

673. Jess Ramsey gets divorced tomorrow.

674. She shows up on your doorstep, and she's like,

675. "Oh, my God, Ben King! Let's be together! Unh!"

676. That's not an impression of anything.

677. You wouldn't last two weeks.

678. You would find something wrong with her,

679. - and then you would bail. - That is not true.

680. - Yes, it is. It's so true! - You don't know that.

681. I'm just trying to make sure the person I end up with is right.

682. I'm trying to find, you know...

683. - Do not say "the one." - ... the one.

684. Oh, my God.

685. You're just... so stupid.

686. I don't think I am.

687. Someone as grotesquely tall and gangly as you

688. doesn't have the right to be picky.

689. Wow. Thank you so much, Alice.

690. And what about you? How was Trevor?

691. Oh, yeah. Nothing happened. I just got his number.

692. - Okay. - But I just...

693. I got to do a little personal maintenance first.

694. - Yeah. Sure. - You know what I'm saying?

695. Got to run the raccoons... out of the trash cans.

696. I know — Alice, I know.

697. - I got to mow the back lawn. - I got it.

698. I've got a hairy ass and vagina.

699. - I heard you.

700. Alice, these are just excuses.

701. - You know that. - They're not excuses.

702. I'm not in the mood to go on dates right now. That's it.

703. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life moping about Nate?

704. I'm not moping about Nate.

705. Fuck! What the — It's just I...

706. It takes me a while to open up to people,

707. and I just don't want to give anyone that time right now.

708. Okay?

709. How do you not think that you're moping about Nate?

710. Every time I've seen you, you've just been like "Nate!"

711. - "Nate!" - I hate when you do my voice.

712. I literally hate it.

713. "Nate!" - Stop saying it so loud.

714. Someone here can know who you're talking about.

715. - Can you not say — - Does anyone here know Nate?

716. Shut the fuck up.

717. Do you happen to have a reservation?

718. No, we don't, actually, because someone

719. forgot to book the hotel room this weekend.

720. I didn't forget.

721. I was distracted when I made the reservation.

722. Why were you distracted?

723. Do you have any rooms available?

724. - Yes.

725. Ah! See? It works out. It all works out.

726. We've got one of our, uh, Brown Bear rooms...

727. - Cool. - ... which have two twin beds,

728. or the Grizzly Suite, which is completely orange

729. and has a vibrating king-size bed.

730. - I think Brown Bear. Yeah. - The Brown Bear Room...

731. - ... sounds good. Yeah. - That's the... Yeah.

732. Okay. That'll be $83.50 plus resort tax.

733. Ooh. She's got it.

734. - I got it. - Yeah.

735. So what brings you guys out here?

736. - We're just here for a wedding. - God, I love weddings.

737. I'm trying to get married myself.

738. - Oh. - Oh.

739. Have you asked your girlfriend?

740. I don't have a girlfriend.

741. - Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah. - All right.

742. - Yeah. - There you go.

743. Just take a right, a left, a right,

744. another right, you'll be right there.

745. - Did you get that? - It says 304.

746. - Enjoy. - Thank you.

747. - Thank you. - Thanks, Steve.

748. Have a great stay.

749. I still can't believe you took the Communion.

750. What? Why? I wanted the cracker.

751. - Oh, my God. Look at this. - Mm.

752. Here we go. Oh, baby.

753. - "Mm. Bully."

754. "Yes, Johnson, I'm very happy we could sign this merger today."

755. "Me too, Mr. Phillips.

756. I'm very excited to commit fraud with you!"

757. Here we go. - Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

758. "Hi. We are Umlaut.

759. We are the new Swedish boy-band sensation."

760. "Yes, our new hit single, 'My Stepdad's House,'

761. is climbing the charts."

762. What is this?

763. What is this?

764. - Okay, guys. - What...

765. Here we go.

766. - Whoo! What?

767. I have no idea what's going on.

768. All right. What have we got?

769. I see cuties, cuties everywhere.

770. Yeah. Let's see.

771. Mm.

772. Red dress with the boots.

773. Mm, no. No, she looks mean.

774. What? She just looks serious. That doesn't mean mean.

775. It means mean. Um, let's see.

776. Okay. What about, um, green with the glasses?

777. - Where? Rotate. - Okay.

778. Her?

779. Geez. God, you like them fresh and young.

780. What — She's normal age.

781. Ben, I can hear the sirens coming for you.

782. - Fuck off. Mnh-mnh.

783. Okay. All right. Let's see.

784. Um... okay.

785. Bridesmaid with the braid.

786. You're gonna have to spin me out.

787. - Okay. - Ready? One, two, three.

788. - Yeah. Yeah, she'll do. - Cool.

789. I'm gonna spill a drink on her when the song ends,

790. and you're gonna go up to her

791. with some napkins and a good opening line.

792. Can you maybe not assault this one?

793. It's not assault. I just —

794. I have a very physical style of breaking the ice.

795. That's one of the definitions of assault.

796. Whatever. It's been working, has it not?

797. Yeah.

798. Yeah. Yeah, it has.

799. - Somehow it has. - Thank you.

800. - Oh, this is hot.

801. Oh, you guys better stop, drop, and roll.

802. Oh, oh, oh!

803. Too hot. Too hot.

804. - Oh.

805. Please stop.

806. Uh, this has been kind of a tough year for me.

807. Um, you guys know that. But, um, this is not about me.

808. Today's about Barb and Kyle.

809. I'm so proud of you guys. I love you.

810. What a ceremony, huh?

811. Mm. - Loved the vows.

812. Cried. Cried like a baby.

813. Anybody else cry?

814. Yeah. I cried.

815. but I cry every day, so it doesn't mean anything.

816. Crying can be very therapeutic.

817. Not the way I do it.

818. So you two met in college?

819. Yeah. Yeah.

820. Ben, you know, he basically used me

821. to get close to my roommate so they could date.

822. - This is not true. - Uh-oh. Intrigue.

823. It's a little true.

824. Go on. Go. - I'm just kidding.

825. It's fine. It's fine. No.

826. They only dated for a couple of months.

827. But our friendship, that lasts a lifetime.

828. Aw. Aw.

829. - She should come to the wedding. - Of course.

830. Alice, you should come to our wedding.

831. Oh.

832. Uh, I didn't know you guys... When is it?

833. October 21st.

834. - It's on a Sunday. - Cool.

835. You're getting an invite, young lady,

836. and that's the end of it.

837. Okay. Great.

838. Um, you know what? I'm gonna grab a drink.

839. - Do you guys want anything? Mnh-mnh.

840. Shots? Shots? Shots all around?

841. Shots for Gina?

842. - No. - I'm fine with my wine.

843. - Okay. - Thanks!

844. She's adorable.

845. Ben, I see a lot of potential there.

846. No. It's not — It's not like that.

847. We're just — We're just friends.

848. Ben.

849. Oh, you're coming over. Awesome.

850. Sorry we got off on such a bad foot last month.

851. Yeah. Um... can we not talk about this here?

852. Well, you won't return my texts.

853. You only text me at like 5:00 in the morning.

854. - I'm an early riser. - Okay.

855. Ben... I want you to be my best man.

856. - Dad. - No.

857. Buddy, there's nobody else I would want to do this.

858. - What about Hanon? - What about him?

859. Make your best friend your best man.

860. Hanon? That's ridiculous.

861. He was Joe's best man, and his entire speech was about

862. how there wasn't enough cheese at the wedding.

863. Ben... you're my son.

864. Uh, I'll — I'll think about it.

865. What can I get you?

866. Can I get a tequila straight up?

867. Fill it up like a gas tank.

868. - That's a first. - Yeah.

869. Oh, my God. Alice.

870. - Oh, my God. Hi, Jenna! - Hi!

871. - Hey. - How are you?

872. - Good. How are you? - So good.

873. I had no idea that you were gonna be here.

874. Yeah. I didn't know you were gonna be here.

875. Yeah. This is Alice. This is Nate Lam's girlfriend.

876. - Oh. - Oh, my God. I love Nate.

877. We, uh, we interned at Merrill together.

878. How is that stupid bastard?

879. Um, he's g— You know, I don't know.

880. We — We broke up.

881. - No. - Yeah.

882. Shit.

883. - No. - Yeah.

884. - Are you kidding? - No.

885. What happened? I loved you guys together.

886. You guys were like yin and yang.

887. - I loved them together. - Yeah.

888. Yeah. I bet I-I would have.

889. Alice?

890. Okay. What the fuck was that?

891. Wait, wait.

892. That shadow looks just like Jay Leno's face.

893. You're absolutely right.

894. That's his nose. That's his chin.

895. - His nose and his chin. - And the chin.

896. Benjamin!

897. - Uncle Davis. Ben!

898. - Hi. Hey, guys. Come on, Ben.

899. Get in on this doobie, buddy.

900. Yeah, Ben. Get in on this doobie.

901. Uh, no, thanks. I'm all good on doobies for the night.

902. Where's your dad? He used to love this stuff.

903. - He's inside. Ah.

904. Here you go, Jimmy. Your turn.

905. Oh, okay. All right, guys.

906. I'm gonna — I have to take off.

907. - Oh. - I know!

908. It's a tragedy. I know.

909. Oh! Ben's got to run off with his little girlfriend.

910. - All right. - You guys got to —

911. You got to take it down a notch, Uncle Davis.

912. You having fun, huh?

913. Everything okay?

914. Yeah. Yeah. Um, can we go get fucked up?

915. Oh, Ben, I want you to know something.

916. I'm never gonna say no to that.

917. Come on. Let's go find some people our own age.

918. Whoo!

919. Aah!

920. What was that?

921. - That was 12 seconds. - What? That was five minutes.

922. You think you can hold your breath for five minutes?

923. I know I can.

924. I feel like you vastly overestimate your abilities.

925. I think I perfectly estimate my everything, Ben.

926. Okay. Fine.

927. Can I ask you something?

928. Yeah.

929. Why didn't you tell me your dad got engaged?

930. I don't know. I don't know.

931. I really didn't want to tell you something

932. that I don't really want to think about.

933. Okay.

934. He, uh, he asked me to be his best man tonight.

935. Oh.

936. Yeah.

937. What'd you tell him?

938. I just kind of ran off.

939. Classic Ben move.

940. I don't know. I panicked. I don't know.

941. What am I supposed to do, you know?

942. Like, plan his bachelor party?

943. - Hire him a stripper?

944. - That's insane. - It is insane.

945. - Yeah. - No, I get it.

946. I was bugged out at first

947. when Lily asked me to be her maid of honor.

948. Yeah, but that's your sister.

949. It's perfectly normal for you to be her maid of honor.

950. - Yeah. - It's just...

951. I feel like he's trying to start over with this new family

952. 'cause he fucked ours up.

953. Well, at least he's happy.

954. Yeah. For now.

955. Ben, my parents don't like each other.

956. I mean, my mom, she's just — she's always yelling at my dad.

957. And he's kind of checked out, you know?

958. He just takes it.

959. They didn't want my sister and I to have to go through a divorce,

960. so they just stuck it out.

961. And it's just — It's made them so sad.

962. I think about the two of them sometimes in that house,

963. just having dinner in silence, white-knuckling it.

964. I'm sure it broke your heart when your parents split up,

965. but at least they're not miserable.

966. I can guarantee you would like that a lot less.

967. - Hey. - Hmm?

968. Come here.

969. - Come here.

970. - Hey, Ben? - Yeah.

971. I'm totally reading your boner right now.

972. - God damn — No. - Relax.

973. Where — Where'd everybody go?

974. I don't — I don't know.

975. - Shit. - Should we —

976. - We should get out, right? - Yeah.

977. Yeah. Let's go.

978. Fuck. It's cold.

979. Are they out here?

980. No. We must have missed the shuttle.

981. Oh, shit.

982. Let's call a car.

983. My phone's dead.

984. Mine too.

985. Oh, fuck.

986. Where's our hotel?

987. Uh, it's about 10,000 miles that way.

988. Only 10,000 miles?

989. We're gonna die out here.

990. Let's just walk. Come on.

991. Come on, grumps. Let's do it.

992. Forward ho!

993. Are you serious?

994. I'm not saying I always do it.

995. That is so gross.

996. Ben, don't pretend like you don't let

997. a little dribble come out of that 'nanner

998. when you're in the shower.

999. I don't let a little dribble

1000. come out the 'nanner when I'm showering —

1001. If you pee in a shower, it, by definition, becomes a toilet.

1002. Oh, look at these.

1003. So pretty.

1004. I never understood flowers.

1005. I'm sorry. You don't understand them?

1006. They just — They don't make sense to me

1007. as, like, a symbol of love, you know?

1008. Why not?

1009. Because as soon as you get them,

1010. they're on this withering, downward spiral.

1011. It's not about how long they last.

1012. It's about how it feels to get a big fuckin' sack of tulips.

1013. Yeah. Gifts shouldn't die on you.

1014. - That's all I'm saying. - Okay. Wh—

1015. You said you knew where our hotel was.

1016. And I do.

1017. - Where are we? - Um...

1018. You don't know where we're going.

1019. Let's — Let's go this way.

1020. Oh, we're so lost.

1021. I think we might need to start hitchhiking.

1022. My feet hurt.

1023. - I'm carrying you.

1024. I can see the whole world from up here.

1025. - Wait. Hold on. - Oy.

1026. Look. Look.

1027. Spooky.

1028. - Wait. Wait. - What?

1029. I can hear the highway over there. Let's go.

1030. - Oh. Hold on. - What?

1031. You got to hold your breath when you go through a cemetery.

1032. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. 'Cause we're 6.

1033. No. Ben. I'm not fucking around here.

1034. I'm serious.

1035. Oh, my God.

1036. What?

1037. You actually believe in ghosts.

1038. No.

1039. Ah.

1040. - Aah! Fuck. - Oh, shit. Shit.

1041. - You okay?

1042. Oh, my God. You really ate shit.

1043. - You all right? - Yeah.

1044. - You good? - Aah.

1045. Look at that.

1046. Oh, you are bleeding. You are bleeding.

1047. You are not gonna make it. Hold on, hold, on, hold on.

1048. - No, it's fine. I'm fine. - I got it.

1049. - Let me just get the scrape. - Ow. Ow.

1050. It stings.

1051. Ow. Okay. Hold on.

1052. Ah. Sorry. You're good. Yeah.

1053. - Here. Take it. - What?

1054. - Underwear. - Oh. Okay. Yeah.

1055. Oh. Oh, don't —

1056. - What are you doing?

1057. Fuck.

1058. - Okay. Okay, okay. I got it. - Okay.

1059. - Mm. - Mm.

1060. - I want to be on top. - Okay.

1061. - Ow. Okay. You good?

1062. - Yeah. - Hold on. Hold on.

1063. - Okay. All right. You ready? - Yeah.

1064. Oh.

1065. Ow! My hair. My hair. My hair. My hair. Ow.

1066. Cooter's out.

1067. Uh, what?

1068. Cooter's out.

1069. What are you talking about?

1070. Cooter.

1071. Oh, fucking hell! God!

1072. - It's out. Huh.

1073. Sorry. Thank you.

1074. Uh-huh.

1075. - He was talking about my vagina. - Yeah.

1076. Yeah, I put that together after the third "cooter."

1077. Jesus.

1078. Oh. Thank you.

1079. - Um...

1080. You good?

1081. Yeah. You?

1082. Yeah. You?

1083. You just asked me that.

1084. Yeah. You?

1085. Okay.

1086. Well, I'll see you at the next one.

1087. Hey, so, about last night.

1088. No. No.

1089. We don't need to talk about it. Let's just —

1090. Let's just chalk it up as a whoopsie-daisy.

1091. Wow.

1092. Okay.

1093. - All right. - All right.

1094. It was, uh, cool... cool sex.

1095. You got — Sorry. All right. Bring it in.

1096. That was weird.

1097. - You made it weird. - No. You did.

1098. For those of you who aren't sure if you've ever seen true love,

1099. take a good look at Dave and Julia.

1100. Congratulations, you guys.

1101. Hey. What's up? Uh, I was just calling

1102. 'cause I forgot when your flight was getting in.

1103. Uh, like 3:00.

1104. Cool. Thursday?

1105. Friday. Right.

1106. I'll see you there. Have a good one.

1107. You know what? Actua— Okay, you're gone.

1108. Ben?

1109. Ben King?

1110. Oh, my God!

1111. Alice? Alice Mori?

1112. - Ha! God, this is crazy! - Is that you?

1113. - How long has it been? - It has been forever.

1114. Oh, my God. I love what you've done with your hair.

1115. Oh, thank you. Yes. Your face-lift is horrifying.

1116. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

1117. I cannot move my face.

1118. You know, the last time I saw Ben here,

1119. he was putting his little penisaurus inside me

1120. in a graveyard.

1121. Isn't that right?

1122. All right.

1123. Thank you.

1124. Holy shit!

1125. This is a fucking — It's huge!

1126. Look at this big room. God!

1127. So comfy!

1128. You can't afford this.

1129. - Oh, we're splitting it. - Okay. Yeah.

1130. We'll see about that.

1131. Did you do this?

1132. Okay. Mm-hmm.

1133. Wow!

1134. Oh, my God! This is fuck—

1135. This is incredible!

1136. - Look at this. - Yeah.

1137. So, how you been?

1138. So fuckin' awesome. You?

1139. Good. I've been crazy busy.

1140. Oh, yeah. Totally.

1141. Totally.

1142. Hey, so, I told a couple of my friends

1143. I'd meet them by the pool in a little bit.

1144. You're welcome to come if you want,

1145. or, uh, you can just stay here and get yourself situated.

1146. I know you had a long flight.

1147. Mm. Yeah.

1148. Yeah, I think I'll just hang back and situate.

1149. Well, fuck you. I'm coming.

1150. God!

1151. No. It was just really simple. It was kind of out of nowhere.

1152. And he was like, "Do you want to get married?"

1153. Costco? Like, the warehouse place?

1154. - Yes! - That is amazing.

1155. Are you guys talking shit about me again?

1156. No. We're talking about your proposal to me.

1157. Yeah. Uh, Costco, Brett?

1158. Hell yeah, Costco.

1159. Real romantic, dude.

1160. Who gives a fuck?

1161. When did we all decide that this was necessary?

1162. I mean, I love Dave and Julia,

1163. but why did we all have to fly the fuck out to Hawaii for this?

1164. I mean, it's ver— It's nice here.

1165. - It's nice. - No, but Brett has a point.

1166. This is way less special than a-a grocery... emporium?

1167. - What do you call Costco? - Oh, my God. I— Who cares?

1168. Straight people o-ver-think-ing it.

1169. Yes. That's true. That's true.

1170. - Especially... this little man. That one.

1171. Oh, he's the worst of the worst. Wait.

1172. - Nick, remember, uh, Sally Klum? - Klumshot.

1173. - Klumshot? - We're not telling this story.

1174. No, we are telling this story.

1175. It's a Ben King classic. We have to tell it.

1176. - There was this girl Sally Klum. - Klumshot.

1177. Nick called her Klumshot for no reason.

1178. - 'Cause it's funny. - It is funny.

1179. Anyway, she was wonderful. So fun.

1180. And then Ben dumped her after three weeks because,

1181. and I quote, he couldn't make her laugh.

1182. "She wasn't responding to my humor."

1183. Wow.

1184. I don't have a tiny little mouth.

1185. It's the only way I can do your voice.

1186. - Like I talk like this.

1187. "She wasn't engaging with my..."

1188. - "Err! Err!" - Guys. Okay, okay.

1189. - Hold on. "No one makes me laugh."

1190. - That's kind of close. - Yeah.

1191. Can I clarify?

1192. She didn't have a sense of humor.

1193. We couldn't laugh together.

1194. Straight people...

1195. - ... o-ver-think-ing it. - ... o-ver-think-ing it.

1196. You're doing it now?

1197. Yeah. I'm part of them now.

1198. - O-ver-think-ing it. - O-ver-think-ing it.

1199. I love her. She's great.

1200. So, like, what is this? What's going on with you two?

1201. - What? - What — What about us?

1202. You have ridiculous vibes coming off of you,

1203. and you're acting weird about it.

1204. Don't — Don't do this.

1205. - Do what? - I'm sorry. What?

1206. - What are we doing? - Do what?

1207. Yeah.

1208. We're — We're friends. That's it.

1209. What?

1210. - Y-You've fucked. - You fucked?

1211. - Oh, right here? They fucked.

1212. They fucked.

1213. - They really, really fucked. - Oh, my God.

1214. They fucked. They really, really fucked.

1215. Hey, they fucked.

1216. It's so nice here. I know.

1217. I think we can safely say

1218. that my friends' weddings are better than yours.

1219. You know, it's not a competition, Ben.

1220. - Yeah. - Everything okay?

1221. Yeah, yeah. Just my dad.

1222. Are you still mad at him?

1223. I'm not mad. I just... I don't know.

1224. I-I don't know what to tell him about this best-man thing.

1225. Why don't you just be like, "Yeah, Dad. Sounds great.

1226. Let's hug now"?

1227. Okay.

1228. Uh, hey.

1229. So I have been thinking a lot about the last wedding.

1230. You know, what, um... what ha— what happened.

1231. And, um, you know, like, the, uh, the activities

1232. - that we engaged in and —

1233. Okay.

1234. - What? - No.

1235. I'm sorry. I...

1236. - What? - I — No.

1237. I-I have been thinking a lot about it, too.

1238. In a good way?

1239. Yes.

1240. You too — in a good way?

1241. - Ben! You? - Yeah.

1242. Okay.

1243. - All right. - All right.

1244. - Oh, I missed you.

1245. Did you?

1246. Wait, wait. Why haven't we hung out?

1247. - You didn't ask me. - You didn't ask me.

1248. - I told you I was busy. - No, you weren't.

1249. - What? - You were scared.

1250. Yeah, you were, you scared little bitch.

1251. - What is this outfit? - It's a romper.

1252. - How does it work? - Get — Just get it off!

1253. - Tell me where! - Get it off!

1254. Hey, Alice. - What?

1255. - I don't want to alarm you... - What?

1256. - ... but I think I'm a robe guy. - Oh, wow.

1257. Can't believe that fits your lanky body.

1258. I mean, it only kind of does,

1259. but I feel like I'm showing just enough leg.

1260. - Yeah. Yeah. - Right?

1261. And the rest is just breezy, and I feel beautiful.

1262. Okay, but, um, are you gonna get dressed?

1263. 'Cause it's in 15 minutes.

1264. Oh, no, no, no. This is me now.

1265. - This is me for all time. - Forever?

1266. - Okay. I like it. - Oh, you like it?

1267. - Yeah. - That's good.

1268. - Hey. - Hi.

1269. You know, everyone has a point.

1270. I don't think we look bad together.

1271. Oh, it's everyone that thinks that?

1272. - Yeah. - Yeah?

1273. I mean, they say it to me a lot.

1274. - Don't you get the same thing? - No.

1275. I mostly get, "Why do you spend so much time

1276. with that Radio Shack employee?"

1277. Radio Shack is — is not a thing anymore.

1278. Well, it still looks like you work there.

1279. - That makes it sadder, you know? - Mm. Yeah.

1280. Okay. I see it.

1281. Hey, what if we stayed for longer?

1282. - Really? - Yeah.

1283. You know, just, uh, just a day or two.

1284. Seriously?

1285. Yeah.

1286. Okay.

1287. Yeah. Yeah, I could get down with that.

1288. - You could? - I could.

1289. - Yeah? - Yeah!

1290. - Really? - Yes!

1291. Well, then I'll change our reservation.

1292. - Okay! Boom-shakalaka! - No.

1293. - What? - No.

1294. We put boom-shakalaka away, remember?

1295. No, you said only on special occasions,

1296. and this is pretty fucking special.

1297. I-I don't know if it qualifies.

1298. Boom-shakalaka, baby!

1299. Do you guys want to get a picture?

1300. - Do you have one yet? - No.

1301. - We have — We have a few. - We have pictures.

1302. - You don't have them with this. - You don't have that background.

1303. Give me your phones. Don't be weird about it.

1304. All right. Fine. - You go up — There.

1305. Two and... Ah!

1306. Oh!

1307. No, don't you do it. Don't you dare pee.

1308. - I'm doing it. - No. No. Don't pee.

1309. - I'm doing it. - Oh, it's warm.

1310. No. You can't leave. You have to face this!

1311. It feels so good!

1312. No!

1313. So, Lily was always the better sister.

1314. I mean, she did everything perfectly.

1315. She got a 4.0 GPA.

1316. Uh, she was the captain of the soccer team.

1317. She graduated with honors from Harvard.

1318. And then... she decided to marry Jordan.

1319. Thanks, Dad.

1320. Um, but yeah. No.

1321. I'm — I'm very happy that the two of them are together,

1322. and if I can just give one word or two words of advice,

1323. uh, to Jordan, it would be buckle up.

1324. Yeah. And — Yeah.

1325. Thanks, guy— That's the end of the speech.

1326. Well, it's about damn time.

1327. - That's what I say. - Okay. Relax, Mom.

1328. You guys have known each other what, 10 years?

1329. But it's not like we were hanging out the entire time.

1330. But Lily and Jordan just met two years ago,

1331. and they're getting married tomorrow.

1332. Mom, leave me out of it.

1333. Well, come on. Ben, I get it.

1334. You were probably heartbroken when she was with Nate.

1335. Mom, God!

1336. - I bet you hated Nate. - I didn't really know him.

1337. Hey, hon, how much longer before the potatoes are ready?

1338. They're done. Why?

1339. I'm just trying to gauge how much longer

1340. before I put the branzino on the grill.

1341. Fifteen minutes ago!

1342. - Whoops. Sorry. I got it. - Oh, it never gets any easier.

1343. So what's the problem?

1344. Are you afraid of strong women?

1345. What? No. No. N-No. I-I love strong women.

1346. Okay. So what took you so long?

1347. - Well, I — - You don't have to answer that.

1348. - I can answer that. - No.

1349. You have to stop asking so many questions —

1350. Because you're asking so many questions!

1351. - Stop! - Let him answer it!

1352. So?

1353. We were just friends.

1354. Friends? Friends grow on trees.

1355. But let me tell you what doesn't grow on trees. Wives.

1356. Now, this fine piece right here —

1357. Mom, don't find me a fine piece.

1358. - What? - That's weird.

1359. You're my daughter.

1360. It's okay if I think you're a fine slice.

1361. Look. He obviously agrees.

1362. Or he wouldn't be throwing it into you.

1363. - Okay! That's enough. - Right?

1364. Ben, go see if my dad needs help with the grill.

1365. - Yep. - Great.

1366. It's crazy. You two have nothing in common.

1367. Fuck off.

1368. - Hey, Mr. Mori. - Hey. How's it going?

1369. Doing good. You need any help?

1370. Um...

1371. no.

1372. I didn't know you were in band.

1373. Hell yeah. Clarinet.

1374. Third chair, baby.

1375. Hey, this Jonathan Weiss kid had a crush on you.

1376. How do you know that?

1377. 'Cause you wrote, "He has a crush on me."

1378. Oh, Jesus.

1379. Hey. You ready for ultimate hotness?

1380. What?

1381. Sexy, sexy.

1382. Oh, yes.

1383. This is the full seventh-grade Alice experience.

1384. Yes, it is, young man.

1385. Oh, my God.

1386. I've never done this before.

1387. - Mm. - Mm.

1388. Mm.

1389. Mm. You got to...

1390. - What? - You got to take it out.

1391. - Is it too much? - I can feel it.

1392. Hey, um, Nate texted you.

1393. - Like, just now? - Yeah.

1394. Do you want to — Do you want to check it or...

1395. No. I'm good.

1396. Really?

1397. Yeah.

1398. - Check it. - You want me to check it?

1399. No. I mean, you can. I would.

1400. No. I know what it says. I don't need to check that.

1401. What does it say?

1402. Probably like... "Oh, Alice.

1403. I miss you.

1404. I made a mistake."

1405. That doesn't mess with you, like, at all?

1406. No, dude. I'm with you.

1407. You know. I'm with you.

1408. - Mm. - This guy.

1409. - Mm.

1410. Mm.

1411. Uh... w-wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

1412. - I think... - What?

1413. Maybe we wait till we're back home to do this.

1414. - Are you being serious? - Yeah. Yeah.

1415. I don't want your mom to come in and, like, bop me on the head.

1416. Bop you?

1417. Yeah. Bop me.

1418. Um, cool.

1419. - Yeah. - Yeah.

1420. - No. It's fine. - No, I...

1421. I just figured maybe the walls are kind of thin,

1422. maybe your parents can hear us.

1423. I mean, they can't, but yeah.

1424. It's okay. We have to wake up early anyway.

1425. Hey, you know what we're gonna do when we get back home?

1426. What?

1427. Just sex.

1428. Just hardcore fucking.

1429. Okay.

1430. Go to bed.

1431. Hey, I'm totally cool if you want to check that text.

1432. Oh, my God. Shut up.

1433. Where are the caterers?

1434. They were supposed to be here an hour ago!

1435. Dolores, please put down those flowers.

1436. Mitchell, why aren't you dressed?

1437. I need a little help with the collage.

1438. - It's taking forever. - Are you kidding?

1439. - Oh, my God! - Uh, I can help.

1440. Go! Go! Go!

1441. I hope you're better with a glue stick

1442. than you are with a helium tank.

1443. Hey, Mr. Mori, How's it going?

1444. - What — What can I do? - Uh, we're collaging.

1445. Start with that pile. Cut around heads.

1446. - Okay. - Leave the ears, though.

1447. Yeah.

1448. What am I supposed to do with this?

1449. Just zhush.

1450. What is zhushing?

1451. It's, like, something.

1452. - Like that? - Yeah.

1453. Okay.

1454. Are you nervous?

1455. No.

1456. Are you jealous?

1457. Jesus Christ.

1458. You are a monster in this dress.

1459. Hey, you're not allowed to say mean things.

1460. I'm just kidding. I am. I love you.

1461. I love you.

1462. I can't believe you made me wear this stupid dress.

1463. You look pretty.

1464. Okay.

1465. You can put that one, uh,

1466. next to the engagement picture right there.

1467. No problem.

1468. Oh, my God.

1469. - Is this Alice? - Ah. Yeah.

1470. Oh. Look at that hat.

1471. I know. Isn't she cute?

1472. Whoops. I don't know how Nate got in there.

1473. Probably should have thrown that one out.

1474. I'm sorry.

1475. Oh, no. Hey, it happens.

1476. - Yeah. - Right?

1477. I'm really glad you came along, Ben.

1478. Haven't seen my daughter this happy in a long time.

1479. Everybody's moving so slowly.

1480. - Come on. Dad.

1481. - Oh. - This is not good here.

1482. Why aren't the flowers already here?

1483. - For God's sakes. It's okay.

1484. It's all right. It's beautiful. You've done an amazing job.

1485. I love you. Okay. I love you, too.

1486. All right.

1487. Okay. Go to work.

1488. - Hi!

1489. Oh, my God. How are you?

1490. Hi. Ben.

1491. - Ben. - This is Ben. Sorry.

1492. I didn't introduce you. This is Darlene.

1493. How's it going? Nice to meet you. Ben.

1494. Look at you. Oh.

1495. Hello.

1496. - Thanks, Uncle Peter. - Thank you, Uncle Peter.

1497. Ben. Ben.

1498. The assistant grill master. Come on.

1499. No, no, no, no, no. It's okay.

1500. It's fine. Just come into the shot.

1501. - Okay, okay, okay. - Now I need to recheck the —

1502. - All right. All right. - I need to look.

1503. How tall are you? You're too tall.

1504. - Six foot. - Stand in back.

1505. - Okay. - Right here.

1506. - Here? - Yes. Perfect.

1507. Okay. Ready.

1508. So, um, to wrap it all up, uh, Jordan, don't get drunk

1509. because, um, you're gonna have to perform tonight, right?

1510. Thanks to Kit and Kate for the wonderful flowers.

1511. They were amazing.

1512. And, um, a round of applause for Ben,

1513. Alice's new boyfriend.

1514. We like him 'cause he's cute.

1515. Okay. No.

1516. - Yeah, Ben. - Thank you.

1517. So, uh, you know, enjoy the food.

1518. Celebrate. Congratulations, Lily.

1519. Okay. Okay. That's...

1520. - Yeah, Mom, yeah. - Whoo!

1521. - She — She's on fire tonight. - She is freaking...

1522. - She's killing it. - ... a bullet.

1523. - Wow. - Um, are you doing okay?

1524. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm good.

1525. Okay.

1526. It's more than you could have possibly imagined, right?

1527. No, no, no. No, no. It's great.

1528. Alice. All right.

1529. Get over here. Okay.

1530. Say hi to your cousins. - Okay!

1531. - You're doing great. - Oh.

1532. Hurry.

1533. I'm coming.

1534. As Nick's best man, I could tell you all the stories

1535. about his past boyfriends.

1536. And as Brett's best man, I could tell you

1537. all the stories about his ex-girlfriends.

1538. - But we're not gonna do that. - No, we are not.

1539. - Mnh-mnh. - Because we love each other.

1540. Yes. And because my ex is here.

1541. - Hi, Chloe. Hi, Brett.

1542. Oh, don't you talk to him, bitch!

1543. Ben, let's go.

1544. What are you doing?

1545. Writing a card for Brett and Nick.

1546. Okay.

1547. Ohh.

1548. Oh, God, what are these pillows?

1549. I think it was a gift.

1550. Okay, I'm gonna buy you new ones.

1551. You don't have to do that. - Yes, I do.

1552. - They're burning my eyes. Well, I like them.

1553. How much longer?

1554. Love, Alice and Ben. There we go.

1555. All right.

1556. Okay. You ready?

1557. Yeah. Been ready.

1558. Do you have the gift in your car?

1559. - Oh. - Alice.

1560. - I'm so sorry. - Seriously?

1561. I left it at my house.

1562. We can swing by and pick it up.

1563. No, no. We don't have time for that.

1564. Fuck. Okay. Come on. We — All right, let's go.

1565. Okay.

1566. - Oh, I hate this.

1567. I hate showing up empty-handed.

1568. It's fine. I promise you they don't give a shit.

1569. I give a shit.

1570. Hand-delivering a gift. It's a — It's a classic move.

1571. Okay, well, I never give a gift.

1572. You never give a gift? What does that mean?

1573. No. They should give me a gift for coming to this shit.

1574. - Do you hear yourself right now? - Yeah.

1575. That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard

1576. in my entire life — my entire life.

1577. Shouldn't it be refrigerated?

1578. No, we're already going to the roof.

1579. Oh. Are you friends of Brett and Nick?

1580. Uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1581. Uh, I'm Ben. This is Alice.

1582. I can introduce myself. I'm Alice. This is Ben.

1583. Oh. Pleased to meet you guys. I'm Jackie.

1584. - Greg. - We're the downstairs neighbors.

1585. You guys know if there's gonna be food at this thing?

1586. I already told you that there isn't food.

1587. I don't know. - Never been wrong.

1588. Never, ever been wrong in your life?

1589. See? They have a gift.

1590. Okay. You know what?

1591. Can you just — Can you let it go?

1592. I really don't want to go through the whole party

1593. in a fight.

1594. I'm not doing anything.

1595. You're being a little shitty.

1596. Don't do that.

1597. - Do what? - Don't do that.

1598. Don't make me feel crazy because you messed up.

1599. I'm not. I literally left a present at home.

1600. It should not be this big of a deal.

1601. Are you kidding me? It's a big deal.

1602. I asked you to pick it up like, what, three times?

1603. Who cares that you're literally the only person

1604. who doesn't use gift registration.

1605. Yeah, that's what's special

1606. about actually hand-delivering a gift.

1607. You get to see their reaction.

1608. You get to see the joy. It's amazing.

1609. Well, we got them a Keurig.

1610. I don't think the two of them

1611. will exactly come with enthusiasm.

1612. Well, we're never gonna know now, are we?

1613. Okay. Hey! Hi.

1614. Oh, my God. Hi, buddy.

1615. Hey, congratulations, dude.

1616. You guys, I am so sorry we don't come bearing gifts.

1617. Bozo here left it at home.

1618. - Seriously? - I'm joking.

1619. I'm joking! It was me.

1620. I'm the monster who left your Keurig at home.

1621. - I'm sorry. - A Keurig?

1622. It's a little coffee thing with the pods.

1623. Oh! Nice!

1624. It's nice. Thank you so much.

1625. Yeah. See, you get to see the excitement.

1626. Yeah, yeah. Well, you blew the surprise.

1627. Okay? She blew the surprise. I'm sorry.

1628. Well, for the record, I don't give a shit

1629. that you left it at home.

1630. Okay, well, forget it.

1631. Congratulations, you guys.

1632. - Oh. - I'm so happy to see you.

1633. - Let's get shitfaced. Yeah? - Please, yes.

1634. Please, please, please.

1635. Okay. So they ran out of beer,

1636. so I had to settle for whatever was in the plastic jug.

1637. Oh.

1638. Ugh. That's awful.

1639. - Will you hold this? - Yeah.

1640. Hey, for Jacob and Anna's wedding,

1641. I was thinking that we just do the same thing

1642. that we did at the beach

1643. and stick around a couple extra days.

1644. Um, yeah. I — I don't know.

1645. I-I don't know if I can make it to that one.

1646. What? Why?

1647. I just — I have a thing.

1648. - A thing. - Yeah. It's a work thing.

1649. - I can't move it. - No. You're not making me go

1650. to Jacob Cartelli's wedding by myself.

1651. I'm...

1652. pretty sure you can handle it.

1653. Ben, you're coming to the wedding.

1654. You don't get to just bail 'cause you're in a mood.

1655. - I'm not in a mood. - Yes, you are.

1656. You're in a little bitch mood 'cause of the coffeemaker.

1657. It's not the coffeemaker!

1658. Sorry. I just — I-I need a second.

1659. There you are.

1660. Jesus.

1661. Hey.

1662. Are you smoking?

1663. Yeah. Bummed it off of somebody.

1664. You look like a fucking idiot smoking that thing.

1665. Yeah.

1666. What's going on with you?

1667. Nothing. I'm just thinking.

1668. About?

1669. I don't know. Stuff.

1670. Oh. Stuff. Okay.

1671. In that case, I'll leave you be.

1672. Hey. Stop. Talk to me.

1673. I just — I don't —

1674. I've been thinking about us, you know?

1675. About what this is.

1676. We were dating.

1677. It's not a huge fucking mystery.

1678. It's not weird to you,

1679. you know, that we're all of a sudden, like, this couple?

1680. No.

1681. Ben, this isn't sudden.

1682. We've been doing this for a while.

1683. I mean, Jesus, you came to my sister's wedding with me.

1684. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's — that was the deal.

1685. That's what we do.

1686. Are you fucking serious right now?

1687. I just — I-I never — I never saw us as — as a thing.

1688. So? Neither did I.

1689. Quite frankly, I was repulsed by the idea of you.

1690. - Thanks. - But it changed,

1691. and it just — it happened.

1692. I can just — I can feel you settling in.

1693. - And I'm having doubts. - Okay.

1694. That's okay.

1695. I-I mean, you're allowed to have doubts.

1696. It's just I don't think we have...

1697. you know, what, like, Brett and Nick have.

1698. - What, two dicks? - No. Just...

1699. Alice, I look at some of these couples,

1700. and they're not like us.

1701. They just — They — They have this...

1702. - this... - Love?

1703. Yeah.

1704. Yeah, well, I love you, dumb-ass.

1705. Do you love me?

1706. Uh...

1707. I don't know.

1708. - So that's a no. - It's an I don't know.

1709. - Okay. - Alice, I just need to be...

1710. - That's fucking great. - ... 100% certain with you.

1711. And I'm not. I'm not right now.

1712. Oh, my God.

1713. I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1714. I-I-I should have stopped this a long time ago.

1715. Ben, don't do this. Stop, stop doing this.

1716. I'm serious. We have a good thing, okay?

1717. I-I'm not — I'm not asking you to marry me.

1718. I'm not asking you to move in.

1719. I mean, what? What do you need? What —

1720. This is good. You just have to give it a chance.

1721. - Just — Just try it for me. - I can't. I can't.

1722. - Why can't — - I can't just say "Fuck it"

1723. and then hurt you the way that Nate did.

1724. I'm sorry, but that would kill me if I did that to you.

1725. Don't say that to me.

1726. You are hurting me way more than Nate ever hurt me.

1727. God, Ben, you talk about how you want love.

1728. You're always looking for love, and I'm here.

1729. It's standing right in front of you, and you can't —

1730. - Alice, I'm so sorry. - Don't —

1731. Don't fucking say you're sorry.

1732. You are not sorry, Ben.

1733. You think you're this good guy, and you're not.

1734. You are not.

1735. - You're a fucking asshole. - Alice.

1736. I don't fucking give a shit. Honestly.

1737. I'm cool.

1738. Before the wedding, I sat down with Josh and Allison

1739. and had them each tell me what they thought about one another,

1740. what makes up their love,

1741. what makes them soul mates and there for one another.

1742. I am always very impressed with your love.

1743. You may now kiss the bride.

1744. - Mazel tov! - Mazel tov!

1745. The first time that Allison met Josh,

1746. she just straight-up farted.

1747. And then she blamed me for it.

1748. Didn't you, Allison?

1749. Yeah, I'm — I'm a VP at a start-up.

1750. That doesn't sound very interesting.

1751. It's not. It's not. That's the thing.

1752. - Excuse me. - My God. Hi.

1753. Oh, my God. So good to see you.

1754. Somebody call about their dirty pool?

1755. My pool is so wet.

1756. Those tits look delicious.

1757. - Okay.

1758. Oh, yeah. That's where I like it.

1759. Michael, Kara, I have one last thing to say to you both.

1760. Flash mob!

1761. How many keys you want?

1762. Just one.

1763. - There you go. - Thank you.

1764. You here alone?

1765. Sort of. I'm Michael's cousin.

1766. No, uh — No boyfriend?

1767. Uh, Ben.

1768. Yikes.

1769. Hey. Hey, Ben.

1770. Ben, let's get you some water, bud.

1771. What? Come on. I'm just dancing.

1772. No, you're being that idiot at the wedding.

1773. - What? - Being that guy.

1774. That guy? Yeah.

1775. It's not great.

1776. Come on. Take a seat.

1777. What are you doing?

1778. What? I'm having a good time.

1779. No, you aren't. That's not fun.

1780. That did not look like you're having fun.

1781. I'm having — I'm having a ball.

1782. I'm having a regular old ball of a time.

1783. I'm flying solo, buddy.

1784. Uh, sure.

1785. - It's great. - Where's Alice?

1786. I mean, I thought you guys

1787. were doing all these weddings together.

1788. We sort of, um...

1789. W-We sort of imploded.

1790. I imploded it.

1791. Mm-hmm. Why?

1792. 'Cause, man, I don't know.

1793. I don't know if I can be with her, you know, forever.

1794. Ohh.

1795. What?

1796. - You know how you're a dumb guy? - Yeah.

1797. I think these weddings are making you dumber.

1798. Yeah. Maybe. No more weddings.

1799. They're bad for me.

1800. If I get invited to another one,

1801. I'm gonna be like, "Hey, no, thank you," okay?

1802. I can't go. I can't do it.

1803. It's just like, why is everybody so in love

1804. and just so — just sure?

1805. Dude, they're not.

1806. What are you talk— What are you talking about?

1807. You have never had doubts about Amanda.

1808. Why would you say that?

1809. How do you know?

1810. Do you, like, watch us, like, all the time?

1811. Do you have a camera set up in our house?

1812. Jesus.

1813. I have doubts about Amanda all the time.

1814. We're not perfect.

1815. Me and Amanda getting married, we're just going for it.

1816. We don't know.

1817. So what's the point?

1818. Because it's fun.

1819. You know?

1820. It is. It's a really fun party.

1821. And it's nice to tell someone that you're in

1822. and to say it to their face

1823. in front of this room full of people.

1824. And it's nice to hear it back.

1825. Look, man, I love you.

1826. You're the best.

1827. But you're not that great.

1828. Right now you're kind of like that guy

1829. in an ice cream store who, like, samples every single flavor

1830. before he picks one.

1831. That guy sucks.

1832. But how can I know what's best, though?

1833. You won't.

1834. Shit.

1835. I fucked up.

1836. Yes, you did.

1837. [ Voice breaking, quietly ] And it's — it's not —

1838. it's not easy, you know, because...

1839. Louder! - ... I'm the older brother

1840. and I don't even have a girlfriend.

1841. Louder!

1842. Ben. How are you?

1843. Hey, Mr. Ricciardi, how are you?

1844. I saw your dad yesterday.

1845. He said you might be looking for a new line of work.

1846. Is that true?

1847. Yeah, yeah. I don't really know.

1848. I really think you should consider the flavor business.

1849. We could use smart people like yourself.

1850. Yeah. - Just yesterday,

1851. my associate perfected a new jalapeño pomegranate flavor.

1852. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

1853. No, no, no. I haven't.

1854. Hey, Mr. Ricciardi, have you seen Alice Mori today?

1855. No. We also found a way to make barbecue sprinkles.

1856. Not very good.

1857. Ben? - Alice.

1858. - Nate. - Ben.

1859. How you doing, dude?

1860. I'm good. Yeah.

1861. - Harry Ricciardi. - Nate Lam.

1862. I thought you couldn't come to this one.

1863. Yeah. I, uh, moved my thing.

1864. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find the missus.

1865. So those flowers for me, big guy?

1866. Oh. Uh, no. No.

1867. Th-They're — They're for, um...

1868. uh, they're — they're for her.

1869. Cartelli's stepmom?

1870. Yeah, she — she loves flowers.

1871. Here you go.

1872. All right.

1873. What — What's this?

1874. Oh-ho-ho-ho.

1875. Oh, take care. Come here, come here.

1876. Oh! Yes. This guy. King Ben.

1877. The B-Zone!

1878. Mm! Bensanity.

1879. Hey, Cartelli, how are you?

1880. I'm great, man. This is...

1881. Man, my little brother just got married.

1882. I mean, it is — Faah! It's the best.

1883. Do you think it'll ever happen for us?

1884. This?

1885. - I don't know. - I don't know, either.

1886. Is this crazy? You and me should go out

1887. one of these nights, you know?

1888. Because I need a wingman, you know?

1889. 'Cause I haven't had sex in, like, six y— six years.

1890. Uh...

1891. Hi.

1892. Hey, Cartelli, I'll be right back.

1893. - Yeah. Yeah, man. - Yeah.

1894. Hey, I'm here for you whenever, so just hit me up.

1895. Throw up the Bat Signal!

1896. Let's go fucking party.

1897. Hey.

1898. Hey.

1899. Hi.

1900. Do you need to use the girls' room?

1901. No.

1902. Those flowers were for you, by the way.

1903. - Yeah. I know. - Yeah.

1904. I was surprised.

1905. I thought you didn't like the concept of flowers.

1906. Yeah, but I know you do.

1907. Uh, does he — does he know about me?

1908. - Yeah. - Huh.

1909. Mm. He doesn't love it.

1910. But, you know, the whole Shaina from accounting thing

1911. kind of cancels out.

1912. Right. Yeah.

1913. Um, hey, can I — can I say something?

1914. Uh, no.

1915. Just — I just need to say one thing,

1916. and I'll — I'll leave you alone, I swear.

1917. I really can't handle a big speech right now, Ben.

1918. It's not a big speech.

1919. It's a medium — medium speech.

1920. Alice, you were right.

1921. You were right about me.

1922. I'm an asshole.

1923. And you were right about these weddings.

1924. I-I can't do them on my own. It's impossible.

1925. It's 'cause you're lonely.

1926. No. It's because you're not there.

1927. You're not there to — to insult everything that I do.

1928. You're not there to make fun of groomsmen photos

1929. and — and — and vows and all the other bullshit.

1930. You're not there to order fish at a fucking diner.

1931. And the worst part about all this

1932. is that you're not there because I hurt you.

1933. I hurt the one person that never deserved it.

1934. And I pushed you away

1935. because I'm dumb and I'm selfish,

1936. and fuck me for being too late, but I love you, Alice.

1937. You love me?

1938. Of course.

1939. Ben, I really...

1940. Everything okay over here?

1941. Uh, yeah.

1942. Sorry. Nate, can we just get five minutes?

1943. Um, I should really go back inside.

1944. Bye, Ben.

1945. Alice?

1946. Ben! Help!

1947. Dad? What's wrong?

1948. I'm fucking high.

1949. Jesus. Where are you, Dad?

1950. Golf course!

1951. What? Golf course?

1952. It's so goddamn wet over here.

1953. I love you, Chuck.

1954. What are you doing at a golf course

1955. at 1:00 in the morning?

1956. Help me, Ben.

1957. Okay, okay. I'm coming.

1958. What the fuck?

1959. Ah! Ben. Thank God you're here.

1960. Dad, what the hell happened?

1961. It's a whole big thing, Ben.

1962. We ate all this acid, and we went nuts.

1963. Why? Why'd you do any of that?

1964. It's my bachelor party, Ben.

1965. It's his bachelor party, Ben.

1966. It's his bachelor party, Ben.

1967. Can I interest you gentlemen in a quick trip to the diner?

1968. - Yeah. - No, no.

1969. I'm dropping everyone off at home.

1970. - Aw. - Aw, Benjamin bummer.

1971. Bummer.

1972. Guys, where am I going?

1973. Drop them at Hanon's.

1974. You got it, man. You know where to go.

1975. - I-I don't know where to go. - Follow your heart.

1976. - I don't know where to go. - Just trust for one second.

1977. - Hanon. - Don't get into maps.

1978. And I need to hear from some expert...

1979. - Dad. - Just do it yourself.

1980. - Dad. - Yes. Do it yourself, Ben.

1981. - Do it yourself. - I'm doing this by myself.

1982. Do it yourself. - Dad, what is Hanon's address?

1983. - Thanks, Ben. - You're the best.

1984. - Thank you. - Whoo!

1985. - No, this way. - Hey. Hey. Hey.

1986. - Follow the light. - Just —

1987. - Uh, here. - Come on, guys.

1988. Get in the house. Get in the house.

1989. Whew.

1990. Time to lie down.

1991. Dad, I'm — Dad, I'm driving.

1992. - Bad energy from the seat. - Okay, just — just —

1993. - I got to get back here. - Can you tuck —

1994. tuck back there?

1995. Ben, I'm so glad you're my best man.

1996. I'm not your best man, Dad.

1997. You're so cool.

1998. You are the best, man.

1999. Best man.

2000. Now I get why it's called that.

2001. Whew.

2002. I can't wait for your wife.

2003. Yeah, here we go.

2004. You think it's gonna be Alice?

2005. - No, Dad. - Why?

2006. She's so wacky.

2007. We broke up.

2008. Oh, no. That's too bad.

2009. - Hey. Hey, Ben. - Yeah.

2010. - Ben. - Yeah, Dad.

2011. Do you hate Gina?

2012. - No. No, Dad. - Tell me the fucking truth.

2013. - Do you hate Gina? - I don't hate Gina.

2014. Then why are you so mad about us?

2015. I'm not mad, Dad. I just —

2016. Dad, you're a little bit hard to root for sometimes.

2017. When you and Mom split, it really messed me up.

2018. And I just decided I didn't want to be like you guys.

2019. I just wanted to find the one

2020. and — and hang on to her forever.

2021. And now I'm completely alone.

2022. So...

2023. And you're just moving on to your next family.

2024. Ben.

2025. I'm sorry that your mother and I splitting up

2026. hurt you so much.

2027. What she and I had was great.

2028. I'd be nothing if I hadn't met her,

2029. and I wouldn't have you.

2030. And, buddy...

2031. as long as I'm alive, you will never be alone.

2032. Hey, Ben?

2033. Yeah, Dad.

2034. Can we do drive-through?

2035. Sure. Is there somewhere you want to go?

2036. Zapburger.

2037. Where is — What — What is Zapburger?

2038. They get a patty made with organic soy meat,

2039. and they cook it with lasers.

2040. It's a perfect burger.

2041. Okay, Dad.

2042. Don't take the freeway. Take surface streets.

2043. Holy shit.

2044. Hey, everyone.

2045. Thanks for coming.

2046. I'm Ben,

2047. and most of you here probably know me as Chuck's son.

2048. And if you're wondering why I'm up here

2049. giving his best man speech, so am I.

2050. Truth is, I put up a pretty big stink

2051. about all this.

2052. I-I just didn't want to do it.

2053. To me, a third marriage was ill-advised.

2054. I mean, hell, even a second one was hard to swallow.

2055. But also, I just didn't get it.

2056. - Ah. - Thank you.

2057. I believed in things like fate

2058. and love at first sight,

2059. that once you found the one...

2060. Yay.

2061. that was the ballgame.

2062. Chuck.

2063. But the truth is,

2064. if you spend your whole life looking for perfect...

2065. you wind up with nothing.

2066. See, there are many innings to this ballgame.

2067. And I don't think love is about chance run-ins

2068. or cute accidents.

2069. It's simpler than that.

2070. It's about finding someone you want to hang out with

2071. as long as humanly possible and just...

2072. just trying not to screw it up.

2073. Keep going.

2074. But you will mess up.

2075. No matter how hard you try, you'll get in your own way.

2076. But if you can learn from your mistakes...

2077. You know you don't deserve a second chance, right?

2078. Oh, yeah.

2079. you might just build something...

2080. even better.

2081. So I'd like to raise a glass.

2082. Gina, Dad, congratulations.

2083. - You, get in here. - Yeah.

2084. Come on, come on, come on.

2085. - Hoo. - All right. I'm in. I'm in.

2086. Oh, my God. I have heard so much about you.

2087. That's it?

2088. What do you — What do you mean, that's it?

2089. You cannot shout out your dad's divorces.

2090. That's insane. Gina's gonna kill you.

2091. I'm just trying to be honest.

2092. Then be honest.

2093. Say, "I learned about love

2094. after I hurt Alice and then came crawling back."

2095. I did not come crawling back to you.

2096. Oh, you fucking crawled. You crawled, Benjamin.

2097. If anything, you crawled back.

2098. Don't you fucking dare.

2099. You did. You literally waited for me to come home,

2100. and then you kissed me real good.

2101. That's not how I remember it.

2102. Alice, are you actually gonna help me with this speech?

2103. Yes. Okay, Ben. Why don't you end it

2104. with "boom-shakalaka"?

2105. Hell, yes.

2106. I didn't expect that!