1. This is gonna be tough.
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2. Um... my sister
means a lot to me.
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3. I feel incredibly lucky
and blessed to have you
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4. not only as my daughter
but as my very best friend.
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5. Oh.
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6. While Devery
was growing up, many doubted
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7. that the words "Devery"
and "wedding"...
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8. would ever be used
simultaneously.
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9. If there's one important lesson
my parents have taught me
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10. to a great life
and a happy marriage,
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11. it's to always have a drink
in your hand.
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12. And since Seth is
one of my best friends
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13. and you just embarrassed Seth,
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14. I got his back, and I'm about to
embarrass Jillian.
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15. And I saw Camille laugh,
then I knew you were the one.
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16. God bless you both.
I love you.
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17. I would like to propose a toast.
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18. - Raise your glasses.
- Cheers.
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19. - Cheers.
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20. Cheers.
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21. So...
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22. here you are... getting married.
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23. Ugh.
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24. You always said
I'd be the first to go,
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25. but... I guess this makes sense.
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26. It's just like the sleepovers
we used to have.
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27. We were young...
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28. - but we were kings.
Ben.
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29. A group of guys trying to
stay up as late as we could.
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30. Nothing could make us surrender
our freedom.
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31. - Ben.
- Yes. Alice.
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32. Sorry, but I have a question.
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33. Why is this whole thing
about sleeping children?
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34. It's an allegory.
Can you just let me finish?
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35. Oh! Okay. Well, as an allegory,
then this is amazing.
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36. You promised
you'd be supportive.
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37. I am! I just told you it's
amazing.
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38. Keep going.
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39. See, there are a couple
of phases to every sleepover.
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40. First there's the beginning
of the night,
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41. when everything's perfect
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42. and it seems like no one's
ever going to bed.
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43. Then a few guys pass out,
and everyone makes fun of them
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44. for being weak and soft.
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45. - Soft?
- Okay.
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46. But slowly, the rest pass out,
and before you know it,
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47. it's down to you
and one other person.
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48. That was always me and Matt.
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49. Brothers in arms.
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50. Well, that was fuckin' weird.
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51. All right.
The speech is good.
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52. - You're just being a dick.
- Um, I'm sorry, Ben.
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53. Do you know
what a best-man's speech is?
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54. It is one man's heartfelt truth
spoken publicly to another man
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55. who happens to be
getting married
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56. and leaving me behind forever.
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57. - Eesh.
- I'm fine.
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58. - Yeah?
- I know how that sounded.
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59. I'm fine.
I'm happy for Matt.
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60. - Clearly.
- No, I-I really am.
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61. And plus, I got someone
to look forward to.
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62. Jess Ramsey's in the house
tonight.
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63. Who?
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64. Jess Ramsey.
You know who she is.
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65. Remember she came to visit
our dorm freshman year?
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66. She almost spent the night
in my room.
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67. We did that play in high school
where we had to kiss,
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68. but then, at the after-party,
we actually kissed.
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69. I'm really sorry, Ben.
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70. I must have cleared out
the memory of her
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71. to make space
for something else.
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72. - Okay. This has been great.
- I agree.
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73. But I think it's time for you
to go back to your room.
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74. I don't like my room.
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75. I got to get
to my best-man duties.
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76. - Come on.
- Duties? What duties?
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77. Pictures, mingling.
There's a lot of mingling.
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78. - Well, I've got zero duties.
- Come on.
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79. Ben, I'm trying to help you,
okay?
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80. A wedding speech
is just making people laugh.
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81. This Ramsey girl
doesn't want to hear
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82. your weird, jealous sendoff
for Matt.
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83. I'm not jealous.
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84. You're a little jelly.
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85. You're a little jellybean.
Boop-boop-beep.
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86. Okay.
Bye, Alice.
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87. Okay. Bye.
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88. Your speech sucked.
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89. Just tell them a funny story.
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90. You'll thank me later.
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91. Fuck.
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92. But somehow Amanda still thought
Matt was attractive after that.
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93. So I'd like to raise a glass...
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94. to Matt and Amanda.
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95. I love you guys so much.
Congratulations.
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96. - Great speech.
- Thank you. Appreciate it.
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97. Dude, get over here.
That was amazing.
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98. - Thank you so much!
- You liked it? You liked it?
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99. - Loved it.
- Oh, good.
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100. That was so good, Ben!
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101. - Thank you.
- Oh, my God. Of course.
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102. Oh, it was so good.
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103. I can't believe you told
the hot dog story.
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104. I had to tell it.
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105. I'm sure Bubbe loved
the hot dog story.
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106. - I think she kind of did.
- She had to hear it.
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107. - Maybe?
All right.
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108. Let's get that bride and groom
out on the dance floor.
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109. - We'll see you in a second.
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110. Yes. Go. Go.
Have fun.
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111. - Oh. Thanks, guy.
- Dude, great speech.
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112. Thank you.
Thank you.
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113. There he is.
Best speech of the night.
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114. Yeah.
Thanks, guys, really.
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115. Oh!
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116. Looks like it wasn't
such a bad speech after all.
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117. You changed the whole thing
'cause of me.
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118. I saved the speech.
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119. I'm a hero.
Mm.
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120. Did you get blackout
while I was up there?
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121. Did you get blackout
when you were up there?
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122. Fucking hell.
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123. Ben, that was so good.
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124. Oh, my God.
Thanks, Kelly.
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125. - It was so sweet.
- Really? It was?
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126. Okay.
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127. Whoo. Watch out.
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128. Alice.
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129. You're dancing all alone
over here.
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130. - That's the name of my new book.
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131. Hey. Hey.
I know.
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132. I have been so completely
wrapped up
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133. in all this wedding shit.
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134. I was meaning to call you.
But I heard about you and Nate.
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135. - I'm so sorry.
- Oh, fine.
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136. Let's not talk about it here.
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137. Oh, my God.
Anne! My God!
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138. Congratulations!
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139. Ben King!
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140. Jess Ramsey.
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141. I have been trying
to talk to you all night.
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142. Here's the thing.
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143. I'm the best man,
so I'm a little busy.
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144. - I have a lot going on.
- I noticed. I did.
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145. - And the speech was so good.
- Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
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146. Yeah, thanks.
Took us forever to write it.
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147. - Oh, you helped with the speech?
- Yeah.
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148. - No.
- Just the good parts, though.
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149. The pedophilia shit
was all this guy.
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150. Alice, I think there's another
dance floor in the basement.
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151. What?
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152. There's another dance floor
in the basement.
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153. You should go find it.
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154. You're a bad person.
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155. Is that your girlfriend?
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156. Her? N-No.
No. That's just Alice.
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157. - She's my friend from college.
- [ Down-tempo music plays ]
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158. We're gonna
slow things down here.
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159. Uh, shall we?
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160. Oh.
Sure.
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161. I got to warn you,
I got some pretty great moves.
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162. - How you been?
- Good. I've been good.
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163. You know, it's wedding season,
so I've been kind of —
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164. Depressed?
Totally.
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165. I was gonna say busy.
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166. - Yes. Busy. Busy is the word.
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167. - Yeah.
Ben!
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168. Ben!
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169. Oh.
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170. Looks like Alice found
a new boyfriend.
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171. Ben, come touch this kid's arm.
He's so soft.
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172. She's not usually like this.
She's going through a breakup.
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173. Is she okay?
I mean, should you go help her?
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174. Um, I-I think she's fine.
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175. Ben, come touch him!
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176. Oh, my God.
It's gorgeous out here.
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177. - Yeah.
- I thought the inside was great.
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178. Then I saw the outside
and I'm like,
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179. "What have I been doing inside?"
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180. It's fantastic.
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181. Are you sure
Alice is gonna be okay?
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182. Yeah, yeah. She got in
the shuttle back to the hotel.
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183. As long as she can make her way
to her room, she should be fine.
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184. I feel like that might be
a challenge for her.
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185. Oh, it's definitely
up for grabs. Yes.
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186. You totally could have stayed
with her.
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187. I'm just gonna get a car
and head home.
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188. No, no, no. I mean, I feel like
I so rarely get to see you.
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189. This was so great
to just catch up.
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190. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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191. Alice and I, we're not even
really that close.
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192. She just needs a shoulder
to cry on right now.
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193. And you get to be
the lucky shoulder.
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194. Yeah. I feel really, um,
blessed and honored.
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195. That's one of the many gifts
of being at the singles' table.
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196. You get all the singles
that come with it.
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197. Yeah. It sounds like you need
a new table.
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198. Well, you got to be
in a relationship for that.
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199. That can't be a problem for you.
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200. You're cute and charming
and funny.
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201. - Go on.
- Oh, stop.
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202. - Oh, my God.
- Oh, God. Oh, uh...
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203. I'm s— Was that —
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204. Did I—
What just happened?
Copy !req
205. Did I just do something
horrible?
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206. It's okay.
Just, um, I'm engaged.
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207. Jesus. I... Okay.
Was that there the whole time?
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208. - Yeah.
- Okay.
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209. I guess I got to start
looking out for those.
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210. Um, I'm so sorry.
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211. - I had no idea.
- It's okay.
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212. Uh, I should get a car, though,
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213. 'cause I have this crazy day
tomorrow and I need to...
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214. Yeah. Yeah.
For sure.
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215. It was so nice seeing you,
though.
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216. Yeah! Yeah. This, um, this —
this was great.
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217. - Yep.
- Yeah.
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218. - Oh.
- Okay.
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219. Well...
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220. - Yeah. Bye, Jess. See ya.
- Bye, Ben.
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221. Oh, fuck, yeah.
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222. Oh, God. Oh.
Copy !req
223. What are you doing?
Copy !req
224. I'm catching up
on old episodes of "Bones."
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225. Oh, fuck!
- How did you get in here?
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226. I stole one of your key cards
this morning.
Copy !req
227. Well, that's just
a huge violation of privacy.
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228. I'm sorry!
Copy !req
229. Yeah.
Copy !req
230. - How'd it go with blondie?
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231. I ate shit.
Copy !req
232. Went in for the kiss.
Did not go well.
Copy !req
233. Apparently, she's engaged,
because of course she is.
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234. Though I feel a little led on
Copy !req
235. 'cause she touches me a lot
for someone with a fiancé.
Copy !req
236. Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey.
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237. Hey.
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238. All right?
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239. What's wrong?
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240. Is this a Nate thing?
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241. No, it's not a Nate thing!
God!
Copy !req
242. Okay, okay.
Copy !req
243. It's just why does everyone
have to get married now?
Copy !req
244. So it is a Nate thing.
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245. My little sister's
getting married before me.
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246. And I have four more to do
this year.
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247. Four!
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248. Yeah.
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249. I got you beat.
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250. Six.
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251. I feel like once everybody
saw 30 on the horizon,
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252. they were like, "Hey, guys.
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253. Um, you know what?
I would like to get engaged."
Copy !req
254. - Hey, Ben?
- Here.
Copy !req
255. Will you come to Jason
and Sarah's wedding with me
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256. next weekend?
Copy !req
257. Alice, I'm not looking to go
to more of these.
Copy !req
258. I already told them
I was bringing someone
Copy !req
259. when Nate and I
were still together,
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260. and I really don't want to go
alone.
Copy !req
261. There's gonna be
a lot of cute girls there.
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262. You might meet someone,
Copy !req
263. someone even better
than Jen Rimbly.
Copy !req
264. Jess Ramsey, but yeah,
I hear you.
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265. Please.
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266. Please, Ben.
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267. I promise you're gonna meet
someone,
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268. and if you don't,
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269. I will pay someone
to take care of you.
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270. No.
No deal.
Copy !req
271. So we have a deal.
Copy !req
272. Oh.
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273. - Oh, shit. Um, okay.
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274. Here. Here. Here.
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275. Okay.
Okay.
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276. You're okay.
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277. Hey.
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278. Alice.
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279. - Aah!
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280. - You're home.
- What the fuck?
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281. You're such an asshole.
Copy !req
282. Y'ello. What's up, T.J.?
Copy !req
283. How are you, man?
Um, listen.
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284. I was wondering.
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285. You and me tonight,
going out like old times.
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286. What do you think?
Copy !req
287. Wait. Wait. What?
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288. That's crazy!
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289. Since when are you
in a relationship, dude?
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290. With — With Dry Lips?
Copy !req
291. No. You called her that, man.
Copy !req
292. All right. Well, cool.
Let's chill soon, huh?
Copy !req
293. Later.
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294. Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck!
Copy !req
295. Hey, Dad.
Uh, are you free tomorrow?
Copy !req
296. You want to meet up
in the morning?
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297. Yeah, 7:00, uh, 7:00 works.
Copy !req
298. Dad, you here?
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299. Stranger! Stranger!
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300. Hey.
Hey, guys.
Copy !req
301. - Stranger! Stranger!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Copy !req
302. I'm not — I'm not a stranger.
Copy !req
303. Boys, boys, boys, boys!
Copy !req
304. - Hey.
Mom, a stranger.
Copy !req
305. No, it's Ben. You know Ben.
Copy !req
306. - Hi, Ben.
- Hi, Gina.
Copy !req
307. Come here, sweetie.
Come on.
Copy !req
308. Sorry. We had a little
sleepover last night.
Copy !req
309. Chuck!
You know what?
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310. Your dad should be down
in a minute.
Copy !req
311. - He's a stranger.
- He is not a stranger.
Copy !req
312. Come on, boys.
We're gonna get some naps today.
Copy !req
313. Um, Ben, it was good to see you.
Copy !req
314. - Good to see you, too, Gina.
- Guys, come on.
Copy !req
315. Let's not hit Mommy
with the duck, okay?
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316. Dad?
Copy !req
317. All right.
Get ready for the magic.
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318. Am I on the green?
Copy !req
319. No.
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320. Are you lying?
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321. Yeah, Dad, I'm lying.
Copy !req
322. Oh, drat.
Copy !req
323. Don't say "drat."
You're not 100.
Copy !req
324. I like "drat."
It feels classic.
Copy !req
325. Oh.
Copy !req
326. - My God.
How's work?
Copy !req
327. Yeah. It's, uh, it's fine.
It's not great.
Copy !req
328. Honestly, I'm thinking
of moving on to something else,
Copy !req
329. maybe getting into teaching,
maybe writing.
Copy !req
330. - Maybe astronaut?
- Okay.
Copy !req
331. I just don't think my heart's
in this anymore, you know?
Copy !req
332. I miss the days when we were
just a scrappy start-up.
Copy !req
333. It's a job.
Copy !req
334. What is it with you young people
having to love your work?
Copy !req
335. I don't have to love my work.
It's just — I don't know.
Copy !req
336. It'd be great if I wasn't
miserable while I was there.
Copy !req
337. Sometimes I wonder how you got
so picky.
Copy !req
338. - You spoiled me?
Copy !req
339. So it seems like Gina's
been staying over a lot lately.
Copy !req
340. Yeah.
That's getting pretty serious.
Copy !req
341. - Oh.
Copy !req
342. - We are horrible today.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
343. What's uh,
what's "pretty serious" mean?
Copy !req
344. Well, I just proposed to her.
Copy !req
345. What?
Copy !req
346. Yeah. We're getting married
end of October.
Copy !req
347. Jesus Christ!
Copy !req
348. When were you gonna tell me?
Copy !req
349. Now.
This is it — me telling you.
Copy !req
350. Dad, Gina's like half your age.
Copy !req
351. So?
She makes me happy, Ben.
Copy !req
352. Yeah.
So did Mom once.
Copy !req
353. Yeah, and we gave it
our best shot for 16 years.
Copy !req
354. Dad, I-I just feel like
maybe marriage...
Copy !req
355. isn't your thing, you know?
Copy !req
356. I mean, you've already had two
that have failed.
Copy !req
357. I don't view either of them
as failures.
Copy !req
358. I'm just asking you...
to pace yourself
Copy !req
359. so you don't make the
same mistakes you have before.
Copy !req
360. Gina would like to get to know
you over dinner this weekend.
Copy !req
361. All of us.
I'd like you to come by.
Copy !req
362. You know what?
I-I actually can't.
Copy !req
363. I told a friend
I'd go to a wedding with her.
Copy !req
364. Maybe next weekend?
Copy !req
365. Yeah.
We'll see.
Copy !req
366. I know. It's — I know.
I got it. I got it.
Copy !req
367. So Sarah may not know
how to jet ski...
Copy !req
368. but she's a pretty good
little sister.
Copy !req
369. Anyway, the question
will always remain —
Copy !req
370. Which came first,
Copy !req
371. Jason's proposal...
or Sarah's pregnancy?
Copy !req
372. Real chicken-or-the-egg
situation there.
Copy !req
373. But we're all, uh, super excited
Copy !req
374. to have a ba—
new baby in the family.
Copy !req
375. So... congrats, you guys.
Copy !req
376. Nate took all the books
when he moved out.
Copy !req
377. Like what?
Like I don't read?
Copy !req
378. You don't read.
Copy !req
379. It's like he doesn't think
I'm smart,
Copy !req
380. like he's the reader.
Copy !req
381. Oh.
And I didn't tell you.
Copy !req
382. He's fucking somebody else.
Copy !req
383. He is?
Copy !req
384. He's fucking Shaina
from accounting.
Copy !req
385. God.
How do you not just fire her?
Copy !req
386. I should!
I should fucking fire her.
Copy !req
387. Do it.
Put her on the streets!
Copy !req
388. You promised me you'd
introduce me to someone here,
Copy !req
389. but I haven't had
a single meet-cute.
Copy !req
390. What is a meet-cute?
Copy !req
391. It's like when two people
meet each other
Copy !req
392. and they instantly fall in love,
Copy !req
393. like when you reach for the same
cereal at the grocery store
Copy !req
394. and it's adorable,
and you're like, "Oh, my God.
Copy !req
395. You like Lucky Charms, too?
That's amazing.
Copy !req
396. I'm Ben, by the way."
Copy !req
397. Okay.
All right.
Copy !req
398. How about that girl?
Copy !req
399. She looks like she likes cereal.
Copy !req
400. Uh, yeah.
Copy !req
401. - Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm down.
Copy !req
402. All right.
Good luck.
Copy !req
403. - Oh, my God.
Copy !req
404. - Sorry.
Copy !req
405. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Copy !req
406. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's — That was my friend.
Copy !req
407. She has a social disorder.
Copy !req
408. I think I feel a connection
happening!
Copy !req
409. She's funny.
Copy !req
410. No. No, no, no.
She is not.
Copy !req
411. - I'm Ben.
- Hi. I'm Kara.
Copy !req
412. Hi. Uh, how do you know
Jason and Sarah?
Copy !req
413. Yo.
Copy !req
414. Hey.
How'd it go?
Copy !req
415. Got a number, baby.
Copy !req
416. - Yeah, baby. You're welcome.
Copy !req
417. Totally microwaved
that hot meet-cute.
Copy !req
418. Yeah.
I hate to say it, but thank you.
Copy !req
419. You know... we could, actually,
like, do this
Copy !req
420. for all the weddings.
Copy !req
421. Do what?
Copy !req
422. I take you, you take me.
Win-win.
Copy !req
423. You're suggesting doubling down
on weddings?
Copy !req
424. - Like, on purpose?
- No.
Copy !req
425. I'm suggesting teaming up
Copy !req
426. to take on the love marathon
together —
Copy !req
427. just like gang-bang it.
Copy !req
428. That's 10 weddings between us.
Copy !req
429. And I got some rough ones
coming up.
Copy !req
430. Come on. How else are you gonna
find single girls like that?
Copy !req
431. You know,
I actually do just fine
Copy !req
432. without you body-checking me
into women.
Copy !req
433. - Ben.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
434. Ben, this is actually
a great idea.
Copy !req
435. - Oh, is it?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
436. What just happened —
Copy !req
437. that is proof that I can close
for you, buddy.
Copy !req
438. Oh, you're right here.
Copy !req
439. - Yeah.
- Okay. A little bit of space?
Copy !req
440. I'm gonna tee it up for you
with the ladies.
Copy !req
441. I'll be your wingman.
Copy !req
442. I'll set you up so you can do
your thing, you know?
Copy !req
443. What is happening here?
Copy !req
444. This is you...
getting pounded by a pussy.
Copy !req
445. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
446. - You know, Alice...
- What?
Copy !req
447. as enticing as that sounds,
Copy !req
448. I'm not really looking to go
around just banging bridesmaids.
Copy !req
449. I know.
I'm not saying that.
Copy !req
450. This is about exposure
to relationship opportunities.
Copy !req
451. - Move.
Copy !req
452. Your wingmen are gone.
Copy !req
453. W-What are you gonna do?
Copy !req
454. You gonna hit the club solo
Copy !req
455. after pounding vodka Red Bulls
in your apartment by yourself?
Copy !req
456. Ooh.
That is bleak, man.
Copy !req
457. Why do you want this so much?
Copy !req
458. 'Cause...
Copy !req
459. Ben, this is gonna be so much
worse if we do it on our own.
Copy !req
460. We'll be stuck
at singles' tables
Copy !req
461. and shelling out for hotel rooms
to sleep in — alone.
Copy !req
462. At least I'd have a bed
to myself.
Copy !req
463. - Oh, my God. Come on.
- I'd rather not share.
Copy !req
464. I share beds with my girlfriends
all the time.
Copy !req
465. Well, I'm not a girl, Alice.
I'm a full-blown man.
Copy !req
466. A full-blown —
Copy !req
467. I'm not going
to any more weddings with you.
Copy !req
468. - No!
- Go to bed.
Copy !req
469. I'm not tired.
Copy !req
470. What are you doing?
You're on my side.
Copy !req
471. - I just want to cuddle.
- No.
Copy !req
472. No cuddling.
Copy !req
473. What?
You don't like cuddling?
Copy !req
474. I love cuddling.
Copy !req
475. I just don't want to cuddle
with you.
Copy !req
476. No. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Line.
Copy !req
477. Line of demarcation right here,
Copy !req
478. right down the middle
of the bed.
Copy !req
479. You cross this line,
you're entering foreign airspace
Copy !req
480. and you'll be shot
out of the sky.
Copy !req
481. It's just cuddling.
Copy !req
482. No.
Copy !req
483. No way. No.
Copy !req
484. - Not fair.
- Not fair?
Copy !req
485. If I get a boner, you'll think
I think you're attractive,
Copy !req
486. and you'll never let me
live that down.
Copy !req
487. Oh, my God.
Okay.
Copy !req
488. I promise I won't read
any subtext into your boner.
Copy !req
489. - You're gonna read the boner.
- I'm not.
Copy !req
490. Well, let's say I don't get
a boner
Copy !req
491. and you can't fall asleep
Copy !req
492. because my flaccid penis
is making you feel ugly.
Copy !req
493. Jesus. Are you always
this big of a spaz in bed?
Copy !req
494. No. I just — I just don't
want to cuddle with you, okay?
Copy !req
495. Cuddling doesn't have to be
sexual.
Copy !req
496. It can be about feeling close
to someone.
Copy !req
497. I feel close enough to you
over here.
Copy !req
498. What if I'm big spoon?
Copy !req
499. No. No.
No.
Copy !req
500. You're not cradling my body.
That's horrifying.
Copy !req
501. What about tickle scratching?
Copy !req
502. What the fuck
is tickle scratching?
Copy !req
503. We, like — We scratch each
other's backs in a gentle way,
Copy !req
504. but it's not weird.
Copy !req
505. It's like...
Copy !req
506. What?
Copy !req
507. Oh, God damn it.
Copy !req
508. Alice.
Copy !req
509. What?
Copy !req
510. I'll do the wedding thing
with you.
Copy !req
511. Really?
Copy !req
512. Yeah.
Copy !req
513. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Copy !req
514. Oh.
Okay.
Copy !req
515. Ben?
Copy !req
516. Yeah.
Copy !req
517. - Can you feel my boner?
- No.
Copy !req
518. Um, Paul...
Copy !req
519. Oh, God.
Great times.
Copy !req
520. Paul, remember the late-night
taco trips in college?
Copy !req
521. We used to —
I don't know if you guys know.
Copy !req
522. We used to go — We used to walk
through the drive-through
Copy !req
523. and, like, uh, and order...
all of these tacos.
Copy !req
524. Uh... you know?
Copy !req
525. Uh... Sorry.
Copy !req
526. I lost my place.
Copy !req
527. Oh, one second.
Copy !req
528. Ugh.
Copy !req
529. What is that smell?
Copy !req
530. I tried to warn you.
Copy !req
531. And look at this.
It's got two beds.
Copy !req
532. My dear, look at this.
Copy !req
533. Two whole beds
for two human adults.
Copy !req
534. Yeah.
Yeah, this chateau is marvelous.
Copy !req
535. - Benjy —
- What is this voice?
Copy !req
536. - What is it?
- It's Australian.
Copy !req
537. - Is it?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
538. Do you join me for some caviar
on the veranda.
Copy !req
539. Whatever.
Copy !req
540. This place is fucking
disgusting.
Copy !req
541. I'm gonna change
and go to the pool.
Copy !req
542. Okay.
Copy !req
543. Hey, man.
Copy !req
544. Okay.
Copy !req
545. Joshua.
Copy !req
546. Joshua, will you not do that,
please?
Copy !req
547. You freak people out
when you do that.
Copy !req
548. That little fucker's
gonna kill someone someday.
Copy !req
549. I just know it.
Copy !req
550. You know, the other day,
he asked me for my teeth
Copy !req
551. so that he could eat them.
Copy !req
552. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to laugh.
Copy !req
553. No.
It's fine.
Copy !req
554. I do.
I have a demon child.
Copy !req
555. - I'm Ellie, by the way.
- Hi.
Copy !req
556. - This is, uh, Maggie.
- Hey.
Copy !req
557. I'm Alice.
Copy !req
558. - You here for the wedding?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
559. You friends with Paul
or Marissa?
Copy !req
560. Uh, neither.
Copy !req
561. I'm, uh,
I'm that guy's plus one.
Copy !req
562. Oh.
Hm.
Copy !req
563. - So you're one of those girls.
- One of what?
Copy !req
564. One of those Asian girls
that only dates white guys.
Copy !req
565. - Oh, my God.
- No, I'm not. That's insane.
Copy !req
566. I — My ex was Asian.
Copy !req
567. "Was"?
Did he die?
Copy !req
568. Yeah.
I'd like to think that he did.
Copy !req
569. Seems to me like you're due
for a white guy.
Copy !req
570. - Am I?
- It's the Ping-Pong Effect.
Copy !req
571. You always date the opposite
of the person you just dated.
Copy !req
572. Are Asians and whites opposite?
Copy !req
573. Oh, my God.
You'll have to excuse my sister.
Copy !req
574. She has a tendency to be racist.
Copy !req
575. I just want to know
if she's smashing that hot guy
Copy !req
576. in the pool.
Copy !req
577. What, Ben?
Copy !req
578. - God, no.
- Why not?
Copy !req
579. 'Cause Ben doesn't date people.
He dates ideas.
Copy !req
580. And trust me,
I'm not his type of idea. Blah.
Copy !req
581. Well, what is his type of idea?
Copy !req
582. Why?
Are you interested?
Copy !req
583. I haven't talked to him,
but he's cute.
Copy !req
584. Well, I can totally
hook that shit up.
Copy !req
585. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, for sure.
Copy !req
586. It has not been an easy ride.
Copy !req
587. And I know that.
Copy !req
588. And I know
what I've put you through.
Copy !req
589. And I know how I can be.
Copy !req
590. I can be tough.
Copy !req
591. But you're always there...
Copy !req
592. It's so fucking hot.
Copy !req
593. always ready
to catch me when I fall.
Copy !req
594. Always my best friend.
Copy !req
595. - I need to pee.
- If we can just sit on the couch
Copy !req
596. and eat Chinese food and watch
"The Great British Bake Off"
Copy !req
597. - for the rest of our lives...
- I'm gonna make a run for it.
Copy !req
598. No. Wait. Wait. Wait.
I think we're nearing the end.
Copy !req
599. because we're gonna raise
beautiful babies!
Copy !req
600. He's fucking talking
about babies.
Copy !req
601. I'm literally gonna piss myself.
Copy !req
602. Can you tell your girlfriend
to keep it down?
Copy !req
603. I'm sorry, but she's
literally gonna piss herself.
Copy !req
604. And I'm not his girlfriend.
Copy !req
605. That's disgusting
and presumptuous.
Copy !req
606. May the blessings of life
and the joy of love
Copy !req
607. be your constant companion.
Copy !req
608. You may now seal your union
with a kiss.
Copy !req
609. Let's go.
Copy !req
610. Yes!
Copy !req
611. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Copy !req
612. Ah! Ben, this is Maggie.
She's into you, okay?
Copy !req
613. Have fun. Don't fuck it up.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Copy !req
614. That was... unexpected.
Copy !req
615. Yeah.
She does that.
Copy !req
616. Uh, do you want to get a beer?
Copy !req
617. Yeah.
I'd love to.
Copy !req
618. Maybe just let them finish up
first.
Copy !req
619. Of course.
Yeah.
Copy !req
620. Great job, guys.
Copy !req
621. - All right.
- [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
Copy !req
622. Everybody —
Everybody, on your cups!
Copy !req
623. Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
Copy !req
624. Ready!
Go!
Copy !req
625. I'm just gonna say it.
Copy !req
626. You look like someone
who would do okay on "Survivor."
Copy !req
627. - Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
628. Like, you think I'd win?
Copy !req
629. You're good-looking enough
to get far
Copy !req
630. but not good-looking enough
to win.
Copy !req
631. What does good-looking
have to do with "Survivor"?
Copy !req
632. You got to be built.
Copy !req
633. You got to be fuckin'...
Copy !req
634. and survive.
Copy !req
635. The question was
how are you so bad?
Copy !req
636. - It was — Okay.
- How are you so bad?
Copy !req
637. I — Look. Okay.
I'm bad at flip cup.
Copy !req
638. I'm — I'm saying it.
I'm admitting it.
Copy !req
639. I'm bad at flip cup!
Copy !req
640. - He's bad at flip cup.
- I'm bad at flip cup.
Copy !req
641. Uh, hey, truth or dare.
Copy !req
642. Truth.
Copy !req
643. Okay. I truth you
to close your eyes.
Copy !req
644. - This is bad.
- Oh, really?
Copy !req
645. The diner tilapia
wasn't a winner?
Copy !req
646. That's a shocker.
Copy !req
647. How was Maggie?
Copy !req
648. Um... she was good.
Copy !req
649. Yeah, you know, she was...
she was really —
Copy !req
650. Yeah.
She was cool.
Copy !req
651. Wow.
You must really like her.
Copy !req
652. I don't — I don't know.
I just, um...
Copy !req
653. I don't think we have
that long-term potential,
Copy !req
654. but I had a fun time with her.
Copy !req
655. You spent one night with her.
Copy !req
656. How can you possibly know
what kind of potential you have?
Copy !req
657. Alice, when you've been single
as long as I have,
Copy !req
658. you know what you want.
Copy !req
659. And when you know what you want,
you can cut bait way quicker.
Copy !req
660. Yeah, but you don't know
what you want.
Copy !req
661. You have the worst standards.
Copy !req
662. I have realistic standards.
Copy !req
663. I do.
Copy !req
664. What about Jess Ramsey?
Copy !req
665. I would date her,
but she's engaged.
Copy !req
666. Why do you always say
her first and last name
Copy !req
667. like some sort of serial killer?
Copy !req
668. 'Cause she's a firsty-lasty.
Copy !req
669. It's the same thing with me.
I'm Ben King.
Copy !req
670. You're just jealous 'cause
you're not a firsty-lasty —
Copy !req
671. - Alice Mori.
- All right. Fine.
Copy !req
672. Let's pretend,
for the sake of this argument,
Copy !req
673. Jess Ramsey gets divorced
tomorrow.
Copy !req
674. She shows up on your doorstep,
and she's like,
Copy !req
675. "Oh, my God, Ben King!
Let's be together! Unh!"
Copy !req
676. That's not an impression
of anything.
Copy !req
677. You wouldn't last two weeks.
Copy !req
678. You would find something wrong
with her,
Copy !req
679. - and then you would bail.
- That is not true.
Copy !req
680. - Yes, it is. It's so true!
- You don't know that.
Copy !req
681. I'm just trying to make sure the
person I end up with is right.
Copy !req
682. I'm trying to find, you know...
Copy !req
683. - Do not say "the one."
- ... the one.
Copy !req
684. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
685. You're just... so stupid.
Copy !req
686. I don't think I am.
Copy !req
687. Someone as grotesquely tall
and gangly as you
Copy !req
688. doesn't have the right
to be picky.
Copy !req
689. Wow.
Thank you so much, Alice.
Copy !req
690. And what about you?
How was Trevor?
Copy !req
691. Oh, yeah. Nothing happened.
I just got his number.
Copy !req
692. - Okay.
- But I just...
Copy !req
693. I got to do a little
personal maintenance first.
Copy !req
694. - Yeah. Sure.
- You know what I'm saying?
Copy !req
695. Got to run the raccoons...
out of the trash cans.
Copy !req
696. I know —
Alice, I know.
Copy !req
697. - I got to mow the back lawn.
- I got it.
Copy !req
698. I've got a hairy ass and vagina.
Copy !req
699. - I heard you.
Copy !req
700. Alice, these are just excuses.
Copy !req
701. - You know that.
- They're not excuses.
Copy !req
702. I'm not in the mood to go
on dates right now. That's it.
Copy !req
703. Are you gonna spend the rest
of your life moping about Nate?
Copy !req
704. I'm not moping about Nate.
Copy !req
705. Fuck! What the —
It's just I...
Copy !req
706. It takes me a while
to open up to people,
Copy !req
707. and I just don't want to give
anyone that time right now.
Copy !req
708. Okay?
Copy !req
709. How do you not think
that you're moping about Nate?
Copy !req
710. Every time I've seen you,
you've just been like "Nate!"
Copy !req
711. - "Nate!"
- I hate when you do my voice.
Copy !req
712. I literally hate it.
Copy !req
713. "Nate!"
- Stop saying it so loud.
Copy !req
714. Someone here can know
who you're talking about.
Copy !req
715. - Can you not say —
- Does anyone here know Nate?
Copy !req
716. Shut the fuck up.
Copy !req
717. Do you happen to have
a reservation?
Copy !req
718. No, we don't, actually,
because someone
Copy !req
719. forgot to book the hotel room
this weekend.
Copy !req
720. I didn't forget.
Copy !req
721. I was distracted
when I made the reservation.
Copy !req
722. Why were you distracted?
Copy !req
723. Do you have any rooms available?
Copy !req
724. - Yes.
Copy !req
725. Ah! See? It works out.
It all works out.
Copy !req
726. We've got one of our, uh,
Brown Bear rooms...
Copy !req
727. - Cool.
- ... which have two twin beds,
Copy !req
728. or the Grizzly Suite,
which is completely orange
Copy !req
729. and has a vibrating
king-size bed.
Copy !req
730. - I think Brown Bear. Yeah.
- The Brown Bear Room...
Copy !req
731. - ... sounds good. Yeah.
- That's the... Yeah.
Copy !req
732. Okay. That'll be $83.50
plus resort tax.
Copy !req
733. Ooh.
She's got it.
Copy !req
734. - I got it.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
735. So what brings you guys
out here?
Copy !req
736. - We're just here for a wedding.
- God, I love weddings.
Copy !req
737. I'm trying to get married
myself.
Copy !req
738. - Oh.
- Oh.
Copy !req
739. Have you asked your girlfriend?
Copy !req
740. I don't have a girlfriend.
Copy !req
741. - Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah.
- All right.
Copy !req
742. - Yeah.
- There you go.
Copy !req
743. Just take a right, a left,
a right,
Copy !req
744. another right,
you'll be right there.
Copy !req
745. - Did you get that?
- It says 304.
Copy !req
746. - Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
747. - Thank you.
- Thanks, Steve.
Copy !req
748. Have a great stay.
Copy !req
749. I still can't believe
you took the Communion.
Copy !req
750. What? Why?
I wanted the cracker.
Copy !req
751. - Oh, my God. Look at this.
- Mm.
Copy !req
752. Here we go.
Oh, baby.
Copy !req
753. - "Mm. Bully."
Copy !req
754. "Yes, Johnson, I'm very happy we
could sign this merger today."
Copy !req
755. "Me too, Mr. Phillips.
Copy !req
756. I'm very excited
to commit fraud with you!"
Copy !req
757. Here we go.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Copy !req
758. "Hi. We are Umlaut.
Copy !req
759. We are the new
Swedish boy-band sensation."
Copy !req
760. "Yes, our new hit single,
'My Stepdad's House,'
Copy !req
761. is climbing the charts."
Copy !req
762. What is this?
Copy !req
763. What is this?
Copy !req
764. - Okay, guys.
- What...
Copy !req
765. Here we go.
Copy !req
766. - Whoo!
What?
Copy !req
767. I have no idea what's going on.
Copy !req
768. All right.
What have we got?
Copy !req
769. I see cuties, cuties everywhere.
Copy !req
770. Yeah.
Let's see.
Copy !req
771. Mm.
Copy !req
772. Red dress with the boots.
Copy !req
773. Mm, no.
No, she looks mean.
Copy !req
774. What? She just looks serious.
That doesn't mean mean.
Copy !req
775. It means mean.
Um, let's see.
Copy !req
776. Okay. What about, um,
green with the glasses?
Copy !req
777. - Where? Rotate.
- Okay.
Copy !req
778. Her?
Copy !req
779. Geez. God, you like them
fresh and young.
Copy !req
780. What —
She's normal age.
Copy !req
781. Ben, I can hear the sirens
coming for you.
Copy !req
782. - Fuck off. Mnh-mnh.
Copy !req
783. Okay. All right.
Let's see.
Copy !req
784. Um... okay.
Copy !req
785. Bridesmaid with the braid.
Copy !req
786. You're gonna have to
spin me out.
Copy !req
787. - Okay.
- Ready? One, two, three.
Copy !req
788. - Yeah. Yeah, she'll do.
- Cool.
Copy !req
789. I'm gonna spill a drink on her
when the song ends,
Copy !req
790. and you're gonna go up to her
Copy !req
791. with some napkins
and a good opening line.
Copy !req
792. Can you maybe not assault
this one?
Copy !req
793. It's not assault.
I just —
Copy !req
794. I have a very physical style
of breaking the ice.
Copy !req
795. That's one of the definitions
of assault.
Copy !req
796. Whatever.
It's been working, has it not?
Copy !req
797. Yeah.
Copy !req
798. Yeah.
Yeah, it has.
Copy !req
799. - Somehow it has.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
800. - Oh, this is hot.
Copy !req
801. Oh, you guys better stop,
drop, and roll.
Copy !req
802. Oh, oh, oh!
Copy !req
803. Too hot. Too hot.
Copy !req
804. - Oh.
Copy !req
805. Please stop.
Copy !req
806. Uh, this has been
kind of a tough year for me.
Copy !req
807. Um, you guys know that.
But, um, this is not about me.
Copy !req
808. Today's about Barb and Kyle.
Copy !req
809. I'm so proud of you guys.
I love you.
Copy !req
810. What a ceremony, huh?
Copy !req
811. Mm.
- Loved the vows.
Copy !req
812. Cried.
Cried like a baby.
Copy !req
813. Anybody else cry?
Copy !req
814. Yeah.
I cried.
Copy !req
815. but I cry every day,
so it doesn't mean anything.
Copy !req
816. Crying can be very therapeutic.
Copy !req
817. Not the way I do it.
Copy !req
818. So you two met in college?
Copy !req
819. Yeah.
Yeah.
Copy !req
820. Ben, you know,
he basically used me
Copy !req
821. to get close to my roommate
so they could date.
Copy !req
822. - This is not true.
- Uh-oh. Intrigue.
Copy !req
823. It's a little true.
Copy !req
824. Go on. Go.
- I'm just kidding.
Copy !req
825. It's fine.
It's fine. No.
Copy !req
826. They only dated
for a couple of months.
Copy !req
827. But our friendship,
that lasts a lifetime.
Copy !req
828. Aw.
Aw.
Copy !req
829. - She should come to the wedding.
- Of course.
Copy !req
830. Alice, you should come
to our wedding.
Copy !req
831. Oh.
Copy !req
832. Uh, I didn't know you guys...
When is it?
Copy !req
833. October 21st.
Copy !req
834. - It's on a Sunday.
- Cool.
Copy !req
835. You're getting an invite,
young lady,
Copy !req
836. and that's the end of it.
Copy !req
837. Okay.
Great.
Copy !req
838. Um, you know what?
I'm gonna grab a drink.
Copy !req
839. - Do you guys want anything?
Mnh-mnh.
Copy !req
840. Shots? Shots?
Shots all around?
Copy !req
841. Shots for Gina?
Copy !req
842. - No.
- I'm fine with my wine.
Copy !req
843. - Okay.
- Thanks!
Copy !req
844. She's adorable.
Copy !req
845. Ben, I see
a lot of potential there.
Copy !req
846. No. It's not —
It's not like that.
Copy !req
847. We're just —
We're just friends.
Copy !req
848. Ben.
Copy !req
849. Oh, you're coming over.
Awesome.
Copy !req
850. Sorry we got off
on such a bad foot last month.
Copy !req
851. Yeah. Um...
can we not talk about this here?
Copy !req
852. Well, you won't return my texts.
Copy !req
853. You only text me
at like 5:00 in the morning.
Copy !req
854. - I'm an early riser.
- Okay.
Copy !req
855. Ben... I want you to be
my best man.
Copy !req
856. - Dad.
- No.
Copy !req
857. Buddy, there's nobody else
I would want to do this.
Copy !req
858. - What about Hanon?
- What about him?
Copy !req
859. Make your best friend
your best man.
Copy !req
860. Hanon?
That's ridiculous.
Copy !req
861. He was Joe's best man,
and his entire speech was about
Copy !req
862. how there wasn't enough cheese
at the wedding.
Copy !req
863. Ben... you're my son.
Copy !req
864. Uh, I'll — I'll think about it.
Copy !req
865. What can I get you?
Copy !req
866. Can I get a tequila straight up?
Copy !req
867. Fill it up like a gas tank.
Copy !req
868. - That's a first.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
869. Oh, my God. Alice.
Copy !req
870. - Oh, my God. Hi, Jenna!
- Hi!
Copy !req
871. - Hey.
- How are you?
Copy !req
872. - Good. How are you?
- So good.
Copy !req
873. I had no idea
that you were gonna be here.
Copy !req
874. Yeah. I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
Copy !req
875. Yeah. This is Alice.
This is Nate Lam's girlfriend.
Copy !req
876. - Oh.
- Oh, my God. I love Nate.
Copy !req
877. We, uh, we interned at Merrill
together.
Copy !req
878. How is that stupid bastard?
Copy !req
879. Um, he's g—
You know, I don't know.
Copy !req
880. We — We broke up.
Copy !req
881. - No.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
882. Shit.
Copy !req
883. - No.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
884. - Are you kidding?
- No.
Copy !req
885. What happened?
I loved you guys together.
Copy !req
886. You guys were like yin and yang.
Copy !req
887. - I loved them together.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
888. Yeah.
I bet I-I would have.
Copy !req
889. Alice?
Copy !req
890. Okay.
What the fuck was that?
Copy !req
891. Wait, wait.
Copy !req
892. That shadow looks
just like Jay Leno's face.
Copy !req
893. You're absolutely right.
Copy !req
894. That's his nose.
That's his chin.
Copy !req
895. - His nose and his chin.
- And the chin.
Copy !req
896. Benjamin!
Copy !req
897. - Uncle Davis.
Ben!
Copy !req
898. - Hi. Hey, guys.
Come on, Ben.
Copy !req
899. Get in on this doobie, buddy.
Copy !req
900. Yeah, Ben.
Get in on this doobie.
Copy !req
901. Uh, no, thanks. I'm all good
on doobies for the night.
Copy !req
902. Where's your dad?
He used to love this stuff.
Copy !req
903. - He's inside.
Ah.
Copy !req
904. Here you go, Jimmy.
Your turn.
Copy !req
905. Oh, okay.
All right, guys.
Copy !req
906. I'm gonna —
I have to take off.
Copy !req
907. - Oh.
- I know!
Copy !req
908. It's a tragedy.
I know.
Copy !req
909. Oh! Ben's got to run off
with his little girlfriend.
Copy !req
910. - All right.
- You guys got to —
Copy !req
911. You got to take it down a notch,
Uncle Davis.
Copy !req
912. You having fun, huh?
Copy !req
913. Everything okay?
Copy !req
914. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, can we go get fucked up?
Copy !req
915. Oh, Ben, I want you
to know something.
Copy !req
916. I'm never gonna say no to that.
Copy !req
917. Come on. Let's go find
some people our own age.
Copy !req
918. Whoo!
Copy !req
919. Aah!
Copy !req
920. What was that?
Copy !req
921. - That was 12 seconds.
- What? That was five minutes.
Copy !req
922. You think you can hold
your breath for five minutes?
Copy !req
923. I know I can.
Copy !req
924. I feel like you vastly
overestimate your abilities.
Copy !req
925. I think I perfectly estimate
my everything, Ben.
Copy !req
926. Okay. Fine.
Copy !req
927. Can I ask you something?
Copy !req
928. Yeah.
Copy !req
929. Why didn't you tell me
your dad got engaged?
Copy !req
930. I don't know.
I don't know.
Copy !req
931. I really didn't want to
tell you something
Copy !req
932. that I don't really want to
think about.
Copy !req
933. Okay.
Copy !req
934. He, uh, he asked me
to be his best man tonight.
Copy !req
935. Oh.
Copy !req
936. Yeah.
Copy !req
937. What'd you tell him?
Copy !req
938. I just kind of ran off.
Copy !req
939. Classic Ben move.
Copy !req
940. I don't know. I panicked.
I don't know.
Copy !req
941. What am I supposed to do,
you know?
Copy !req
942. Like, plan his bachelor party?
Copy !req
943. - Hire him a stripper?
Copy !req
944. - That's insane.
- It is insane.
Copy !req
945. - Yeah.
- No, I get it.
Copy !req
946. I was bugged out at first
Copy !req
947. when Lily asked me to be
her maid of honor.
Copy !req
948. Yeah, but that's your sister.
Copy !req
949. It's perfectly normal for you
to be her maid of honor.
Copy !req
950. - Yeah.
- It's just...
Copy !req
951. I feel like he's trying to
start over with this new family
Copy !req
952. 'cause he fucked ours up.
Copy !req
953. Well, at least he's happy.
Copy !req
954. Yeah.
For now.
Copy !req
955. Ben, my parents
don't like each other.
Copy !req
956. I mean, my mom, she's just —
she's always yelling at my dad.
Copy !req
957. And he's kind of checked out,
you know?
Copy !req
958. He just takes it.
Copy !req
959. They didn't want my sister and I
to have to go through a divorce,
Copy !req
960. so they just stuck it out.
Copy !req
961. And it's just —
It's made them so sad.
Copy !req
962. I think about the two of them
sometimes in that house,
Copy !req
963. just having dinner in silence,
white-knuckling it.
Copy !req
964. I'm sure it broke your heart
when your parents split up,
Copy !req
965. but at least
they're not miserable.
Copy !req
966. I can guarantee
you would like that a lot less.
Copy !req
967. - Hey.
- Hmm?
Copy !req
968. Come here.
Copy !req
969. - Come here.
Copy !req
970. - Hey, Ben?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
971. I'm totally reading your boner
right now.
Copy !req
972. - God damn — No.
- Relax.
Copy !req
973. Where — Where'd everybody go?
Copy !req
974. I don't — I don't know.
Copy !req
975. - Shit.
- Should we —
Copy !req
976. - We should get out, right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
977. Yeah.
Let's go.
Copy !req
978. Fuck.
It's cold.
Copy !req
979. Are they out here?
Copy !req
980. No.
We must have missed the shuttle.
Copy !req
981. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
982. Let's call a car.
Copy !req
983. My phone's dead.
Copy !req
984. Mine too.
Copy !req
985. Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
986. Where's our hotel?
Copy !req
987. Uh, it's about 10,000 miles
that way.
Copy !req
988. Only 10,000 miles?
Copy !req
989. We're gonna die out here.
Copy !req
990. Let's just walk.
Come on.
Copy !req
991. Come on, grumps.
Let's do it.
Copy !req
992. Forward ho!
Copy !req
993. Are you serious?
Copy !req
994. I'm not saying I always do it.
Copy !req
995. That is so gross.
Copy !req
996. Ben, don't pretend
like you don't let
Copy !req
997. a little dribble
come out of that 'nanner
Copy !req
998. when you're in the shower.
Copy !req
999. I don't let a little dribble
Copy !req
1000. come out the 'nanner
when I'm showering —
Copy !req
1001. If you pee in a shower, it,
by definition, becomes a toilet.
Copy !req
1002. Oh, look at these.
Copy !req
1003. So pretty.
Copy !req
1004. I never understood flowers.
Copy !req
1005. I'm sorry.
You don't understand them?
Copy !req
1006. They just —
They don't make sense to me
Copy !req
1007. as, like, a symbol of love,
you know?
Copy !req
1008. Why not?
Copy !req
1009. Because as soon as you get them,
Copy !req
1010. they're on this withering,
downward spiral.
Copy !req
1011. It's not about
how long they last.
Copy !req
1012. It's about how it feels to get
a big fuckin' sack of tulips.
Copy !req
1013. Yeah.
Gifts shouldn't die on you.
Copy !req
1014. - That's all I'm saying.
- Okay. Wh—
Copy !req
1015. You said you knew
where our hotel was.
Copy !req
1016. And I do.
Copy !req
1017. - Where are we?
- Um...
Copy !req
1018. You don't know
where we're going.
Copy !req
1019. Let's — Let's go this way.
Copy !req
1020. Oh, we're so lost.
Copy !req
1021. I think we might need to
start hitchhiking.
Copy !req
1022. My feet hurt.
Copy !req
1023. - I'm carrying you.
Copy !req
1024. I can see the whole world
from up here.
Copy !req
1025. - Wait. Hold on.
- Oy.
Copy !req
1026. Look. Look.
Copy !req
1027. Spooky.
Copy !req
1028. - Wait. Wait.
- What?
Copy !req
1029. I can hear the highway
over there. Let's go.
Copy !req
1030. - Oh. Hold on.
- What?
Copy !req
1031. You got to hold your breath
when you go through a cemetery.
Copy !req
1032. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right.
'Cause we're 6.
Copy !req
1033. No. Ben.
I'm not fucking around here.
Copy !req
1034. I'm serious.
Copy !req
1035. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1036. What?
Copy !req
1037. You actually believe in ghosts.
Copy !req
1038. No.
Copy !req
1039. Ah.
Copy !req
1040. - Aah! Fuck.
- Oh, shit. Shit.
Copy !req
1041. - You okay?
Copy !req
1042. Oh, my God.
You really ate shit.
Copy !req
1043. - You all right?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1044. - You good?
- Aah.
Copy !req
1045. Look at that.
Copy !req
1046. Oh, you are bleeding.
You are bleeding.
Copy !req
1047. You are not gonna make it.
Hold on, hold, on, hold on.
Copy !req
1048. - No, it's fine. I'm fine.
- I got it.
Copy !req
1049. - Let me just get the scrape.
- Ow. Ow.
Copy !req
1050. It stings.
Copy !req
1051. Ow. Okay.
Hold on.
Copy !req
1052. Ah. Sorry.
You're good. Yeah.
Copy !req
1053. - Here. Take it.
- What?
Copy !req
1054. - Underwear.
- Oh. Okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
1055. Oh. Oh, don't —
Copy !req
1056. - What are you doing?
Copy !req
1057. Fuck.
Copy !req
1058. - Okay. Okay, okay. I got it.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1059. - Mm.
- Mm.
Copy !req
1060. - I want to be on top.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1061. - Ow. Okay. You good?
Copy !req
1062. - Yeah.
- Hold on. Hold on.
Copy !req
1063. - Okay. All right. You ready?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1064. Oh.
Copy !req
1065. Ow! My hair. My hair.
My hair. My hair. Ow.
Copy !req
1066. Cooter's out.
Copy !req
1067. Uh, what?
Copy !req
1068. Cooter's out.
Copy !req
1069. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1070. Cooter.
Copy !req
1071. Oh, fucking hell!
God!
Copy !req
1072. - It's out.
Huh.
Copy !req
1073. Sorry.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1074. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
1075. - He was talking about my vagina.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1076. Yeah, I put that together
after the third "cooter."
Copy !req
1077. Jesus.
Copy !req
1078. Oh.
Thank you.
Copy !req
1079. - Um...
Copy !req
1080. You good?
Copy !req
1081. Yeah.
You?
Copy !req
1082. Yeah.
You?
Copy !req
1083. You just asked me that.
Copy !req
1084. Yeah.
You?
Copy !req
1085. Okay.
Copy !req
1086. Well, I'll see you
at the next one.
Copy !req
1087. Hey, so, about last night.
Copy !req
1088. No. No.
Copy !req
1089. We don't need to talk about it.
Let's just —
Copy !req
1090. Let's just chalk it up
as a whoopsie-daisy.
Copy !req
1091. Wow.
Copy !req
1092. Okay.
Copy !req
1093. - All right.
- All right.
Copy !req
1094. It was, uh, cool...
cool sex.
Copy !req
1095. You got — Sorry. All right.
Bring it in.
Copy !req
1096. That was weird.
Copy !req
1097. - You made it weird.
- No. You did.
Copy !req
1098. For those of you who aren't sure
if you've ever seen true love,
Copy !req
1099. take a good look
at Dave and Julia.
Copy !req
1100. Congratulations, you guys.
Copy !req
1101. Hey. What's up?
Uh, I was just calling
Copy !req
1102. 'cause I forgot when your flight
was getting in.
Copy !req
1103. Uh, like 3:00.
Copy !req
1104. Cool. Thursday?
Copy !req
1105. Friday.
Right.
Copy !req
1106. I'll see you there.
Have a good one.
Copy !req
1107. You know what? Actua—
Okay, you're gone.
Copy !req
1108. Ben?
Copy !req
1109. Ben King?
Copy !req
1110. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
1111. Alice?
Alice Mori?
Copy !req
1112. - Ha! God, this is crazy!
- Is that you?
Copy !req
1113. - How long has it been?
- It has been forever.
Copy !req
1114. Oh, my God. I love what you've
done with your hair.
Copy !req
1115. Oh, thank you. Yes.
Your face-lift is horrifying.
Copy !req
1116. Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
Copy !req
1117. I cannot move my face.
Copy !req
1118. You know,
the last time I saw Ben here,
Copy !req
1119. he was putting his little
penisaurus inside me
Copy !req
1120. in a graveyard.
Copy !req
1121. Isn't that right?
Copy !req
1122. All right.
Copy !req
1123. Thank you.
Copy !req
1124. Holy shit!
Copy !req
1125. This is a fucking —
It's huge!
Copy !req
1126. Look at this big room.
God!
Copy !req
1127. So comfy!
Copy !req
1128. You can't afford this.
Copy !req
1129. - Oh, we're splitting it.
- Okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
1130. We'll see about that.
Copy !req
1131. Did you do this?
Copy !req
1132. Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Copy !req
1133. Wow!
Copy !req
1134. Oh, my God!
This is fuck—
Copy !req
1135. This is incredible!
Copy !req
1136. - Look at this.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1137. So, how you been?
Copy !req
1138. So fuckin' awesome.
You?
Copy !req
1139. Good.
I've been crazy busy.
Copy !req
1140. Oh, yeah.
Totally.
Copy !req
1141. Totally.
Copy !req
1142. Hey, so,
I told a couple of my friends
Copy !req
1143. I'd meet them by the pool
in a little bit.
Copy !req
1144. You're welcome to come
if you want,
Copy !req
1145. or, uh, you can just stay here
and get yourself situated.
Copy !req
1146. I know you had a long flight.
Copy !req
1147. Mm. Yeah.
Copy !req
1148. Yeah, I think I'll
just hang back and situate.
Copy !req
1149. Well, fuck you.
I'm coming.
Copy !req
1150. God!
Copy !req
1151. No. It was just really simple.
It was kind of out of nowhere.
Copy !req
1152. And he was like,
"Do you want to get married?"
Copy !req
1153. Costco?
Like, the warehouse place?
Copy !req
1154. - Yes!
- That is amazing.
Copy !req
1155. Are you guys talking shit
about me again?
Copy !req
1156. No. We're talking about
your proposal to me.
Copy !req
1157. Yeah. Uh, Costco, Brett?
Copy !req
1158. Hell yeah, Costco.
Copy !req
1159. Real romantic, dude.
Copy !req
1160. Who gives a fuck?
Copy !req
1161. When did we all decide
that this was necessary?
Copy !req
1162. I mean, I love Dave and Julia,
Copy !req
1163. but why did we all have to fly
the fuck out to Hawaii for this?
Copy !req
1164. I mean, it's ver—
It's nice here.
Copy !req
1165. - It's nice.
- No, but Brett has a point.
Copy !req
1166. This is way less special
than a-a grocery... emporium?
Copy !req
1167. - What do you call Costco?
- Oh, my God. I— Who cares?
Copy !req
1168. Straight people
o-ver-think-ing it.
Copy !req
1169. Yes. That's true.
That's true.
Copy !req
1170. - Especially... this little man.
That one.
Copy !req
1171. Oh, he's the worst of the worst.
Wait.
Copy !req
1172. - Nick, remember, uh, Sally Klum?
- Klumshot.
Copy !req
1173. - Klumshot?
- We're not telling this story.
Copy !req
1174. No, we are telling this story.
Copy !req
1175. It's a Ben King classic.
We have to tell it.
Copy !req
1176. - There was this girl Sally Klum.
- Klumshot.
Copy !req
1177. Nick called her Klumshot
for no reason.
Copy !req
1178. - 'Cause it's funny.
- It is funny.
Copy !req
1179. Anyway, she was wonderful.
So fun.
Copy !req
1180. And then Ben dumped her
after three weeks because,
Copy !req
1181. and I quote,
he couldn't make her laugh.
Copy !req
1182. "She wasn't responding
to my humor."
Copy !req
1183. Wow.
Copy !req
1184. I don't have
a tiny little mouth.
Copy !req
1185. It's the only way
I can do your voice.
Copy !req
1186. - Like I talk like this.
Copy !req
1187. "She wasn't engaging with my..."
Copy !req
1188. - "Err! Err!"
- Guys. Okay, okay.
Copy !req
1189. - Hold on.
"No one makes me laugh."
Copy !req
1190. - That's kind of close.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1191. Can I clarify?
Copy !req
1192. She didn't have
a sense of humor.
Copy !req
1193. We couldn't laugh together.
Copy !req
1194. Straight people...
Copy !req
1195. - ... o-ver-think-ing it.
- ... o-ver-think-ing it.
Copy !req
1196. You're doing it now?
Copy !req
1197. Yeah.
I'm part of them now.
Copy !req
1198. - O-ver-think-ing it.
- O-ver-think-ing it.
Copy !req
1199. I love her.
She's great.
Copy !req
1200. So, like, what is this?
What's going on with you two?
Copy !req
1201. - What?
- What — What about us?
Copy !req
1202. You have ridiculous vibes
coming off of you,
Copy !req
1203. and you're acting weird
about it.
Copy !req
1204. Don't — Don't do this.
Copy !req
1205. - Do what?
- I'm sorry. What?
Copy !req
1206. - What are we doing?
- Do what?
Copy !req
1207. Yeah.
Copy !req
1208. We're — We're friends.
That's it.
Copy !req
1209. What?
Copy !req
1210. - Y-You've fucked.
- You fucked?
Copy !req
1211. - Oh, right here?
They fucked.
Copy !req
1212. They fucked.
Copy !req
1213. - They really, really fucked.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1214. They fucked.
They really, really fucked.
Copy !req
1215. Hey, they fucked.
Copy !req
1216. It's so nice here.
I know.
Copy !req
1217. I think we can safely say
Copy !req
1218. that my friends' weddings
are better than yours.
Copy !req
1219. You know,
it's not a competition, Ben.
Copy !req
1220. - Yeah.
- Everything okay?
Copy !req
1221. Yeah, yeah.
Just my dad.
Copy !req
1222. Are you still mad at him?
Copy !req
1223. I'm not mad. I just...
I don't know.
Copy !req
1224. I-I don't know what to tell him
about this best-man thing.
Copy !req
1225. Why don't you just be like,
"Yeah, Dad. Sounds great.
Copy !req
1226. Let's hug now"?
Copy !req
1227. Okay.
Copy !req
1228. Uh, hey.
Copy !req
1229. So I have been thinking a lot
about the last wedding.
Copy !req
1230. You know, what, um...
what ha— what happened.
Copy !req
1231. And, um, you know,
like, the, uh, the activities
Copy !req
1232. - that we engaged in and —
Copy !req
1233. Okay.
Copy !req
1234. - What?
- No.
Copy !req
1235. I'm sorry.
I...
Copy !req
1236. - What?
- I — No.
Copy !req
1237. I-I have been thinking a lot
about it, too.
Copy !req
1238. In a good way?
Copy !req
1239. Yes.
Copy !req
1240. You too — in a good way?
Copy !req
1241. - Ben! You?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1242. Okay.
Copy !req
1243. - All right.
- All right.
Copy !req
1244. - Oh, I missed you.
Copy !req
1245. Did you?
Copy !req
1246. Wait, wait.
Why haven't we hung out?
Copy !req
1247. - You didn't ask me.
- You didn't ask me.
Copy !req
1248. - I told you I was busy.
- No, you weren't.
Copy !req
1249. - What?
- You were scared.
Copy !req
1250. Yeah, you were,
you scared little bitch.
Copy !req
1251. - What is this outfit?
- It's a romper.
Copy !req
1252. - How does it work?
- Get — Just get it off!
Copy !req
1253. - Tell me where!
- Get it off!
Copy !req
1254. Hey, Alice.
- What?
Copy !req
1255. - I don't want to alarm you...
- What?
Copy !req
1256. - ... but I think I'm a robe guy.
- Oh, wow.
Copy !req
1257. Can't believe that fits
your lanky body.
Copy !req
1258. I mean, it only kind of does,
Copy !req
1259. but I feel like I'm showing
just enough leg.
Copy !req
1260. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Right?
Copy !req
1261. And the rest is just breezy,
and I feel beautiful.
Copy !req
1262. Okay, but, um,
are you gonna get dressed?
Copy !req
1263. 'Cause it's in 15 minutes.
Copy !req
1264. Oh, no, no, no.
This is me now.
Copy !req
1265. - This is me for all time.
- Forever?
Copy !req
1266. - Okay. I like it.
- Oh, you like it?
Copy !req
1267. - Yeah.
- That's good.
Copy !req
1268. - Hey.
- Hi.
Copy !req
1269. You know, everyone has a point.
Copy !req
1270. I don't think we look bad
together.
Copy !req
1271. Oh, it's everyone
that thinks that?
Copy !req
1272. - Yeah.
- Yeah?
Copy !req
1273. I mean, they say it to me a lot.
Copy !req
1274. - Don't you get the same thing?
- No.
Copy !req
1275. I mostly get,
"Why do you spend so much time
Copy !req
1276. with that Radio Shack employee?"
Copy !req
1277. Radio Shack is —
is not a thing anymore.
Copy !req
1278. Well, it still looks
like you work there.
Copy !req
1279. - That makes it sadder, you know?
- Mm. Yeah.
Copy !req
1280. Okay.
I see it.
Copy !req
1281. Hey, what if we stayed
for longer?
Copy !req
1282. - Really?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1283. You know, just, uh,
just a day or two.
Copy !req
1284. Seriously?
Copy !req
1285. Yeah.
Copy !req
1286. Okay.
Copy !req
1287. Yeah. Yeah, I could get down
with that.
Copy !req
1288. - You could?
- I could.
Copy !req
1289. - Yeah?
- Yeah!
Copy !req
1290. - Really?
- Yes!
Copy !req
1291. Well, then I'll change
our reservation.
Copy !req
1292. - Okay! Boom-shakalaka!
- No.
Copy !req
1293. - What?
- No.
Copy !req
1294. We put boom-shakalaka away,
remember?
Copy !req
1295. No, you said only
on special occasions,
Copy !req
1296. and this is
pretty fucking special.
Copy !req
1297. I-I don't know if it qualifies.
Copy !req
1298. Boom-shakalaka, baby!
Copy !req
1299. Do you guys want to get
a picture?
Copy !req
1300. - Do you have one yet?
- No.
Copy !req
1301. - We have — We have a few.
- We have pictures.
Copy !req
1302. - You don't have them with this.
- You don't have that background.
Copy !req
1303. Give me your phones.
Don't be weird about it.
Copy !req
1304. All right. Fine.
- You go up — There.
Copy !req
1305. Two and... Ah!
Copy !req
1306. Oh!
Copy !req
1307. No, don't you do it.
Don't you dare pee.
Copy !req
1308. - I'm doing it.
- No. No. Don't pee.
Copy !req
1309. - I'm doing it.
- Oh, it's warm.
Copy !req
1310. No. You can't leave.
You have to face this!
Copy !req
1311. It feels so good!
Copy !req
1312. No!
Copy !req
1313. So, Lily was always
the better sister.
Copy !req
1314. I mean, she did everything
perfectly.
Copy !req
1315. She got a 4.0 GPA.
Copy !req
1316. Uh, she was the captain
of the soccer team.
Copy !req
1317. She graduated with honors
from Harvard.
Copy !req
1318. And then... she decided
to marry Jordan.
Copy !req
1319. Thanks, Dad.
Copy !req
1320. Um, but yeah. No.
Copy !req
1321. I'm — I'm very happy that
the two of them are together,
Copy !req
1322. and if I can just give one word
or two words of advice,
Copy !req
1323. uh, to Jordan,
it would be buckle up.
Copy !req
1324. Yeah.
And — Yeah.
Copy !req
1325. Thanks, guy—
That's the end of the speech.
Copy !req
1326. Well, it's about damn time.
Copy !req
1327. - That's what I say.
- Okay. Relax, Mom.
Copy !req
1328. You guys have known each other
what, 10 years?
Copy !req
1329. But it's not like we were
hanging out the entire time.
Copy !req
1330. But Lily and Jordan just met
two years ago,
Copy !req
1331. and they're getting married
tomorrow.
Copy !req
1332. Mom, leave me out of it.
Copy !req
1333. Well, come on.
Ben, I get it.
Copy !req
1334. You were probably heartbroken
when she was with Nate.
Copy !req
1335. Mom, God!
Copy !req
1336. - I bet you hated Nate.
- I didn't really know him.
Copy !req
1337. Hey, hon, how much longer
before the potatoes are ready?
Copy !req
1338. They're done.
Why?
Copy !req
1339. I'm just trying to gauge
how much longer
Copy !req
1340. before I put the branzino
on the grill.
Copy !req
1341. Fifteen minutes ago!
Copy !req
1342. - Whoops. Sorry. I got it.
- Oh, it never gets any easier.
Copy !req
1343. So what's the problem?
Copy !req
1344. Are you afraid
of strong women?
Copy !req
1345. What? No. No. N-No.
I-I love strong women.
Copy !req
1346. Okay.
So what took you so long?
Copy !req
1347. - Well, I —
- You don't have to answer that.
Copy !req
1348. - I can answer that.
- No.
Copy !req
1349. You have to stop asking
so many questions —
Copy !req
1350. Because you're asking
so many questions!
Copy !req
1351. - Stop!
- Let him answer it!
Copy !req
1352. So?
Copy !req
1353. We were just friends.
Copy !req
1354. Friends?
Friends grow on trees.
Copy !req
1355. But let me tell you what doesn't
grow on trees. Wives.
Copy !req
1356. Now, this fine piece
right here —
Copy !req
1357. Mom, don't find me
a fine piece.
Copy !req
1358. - What?
- That's weird.
Copy !req
1359. You're my daughter.
Copy !req
1360. It's okay if I think
you're a fine slice.
Copy !req
1361. Look.
He obviously agrees.
Copy !req
1362. Or he wouldn't be
throwing it into you.
Copy !req
1363. - Okay! That's enough.
- Right?
Copy !req
1364. Ben, go see if my dad needs help
with the grill.
Copy !req
1365. - Yep.
- Great.
Copy !req
1366. It's crazy.
You two have nothing in common.
Copy !req
1367. Fuck off.
Copy !req
1368. - Hey, Mr. Mori.
- Hey. How's it going?
Copy !req
1369. Doing good.
You need any help?
Copy !req
1370. Um...
Copy !req
1371. no.
Copy !req
1372. I didn't know you were in band.
Copy !req
1373. Hell yeah. Clarinet.
Copy !req
1374. Third chair, baby.
Copy !req
1375. Hey, this Jonathan Weiss kid
had a crush on you.
Copy !req
1376. How do you know that?
Copy !req
1377. 'Cause you wrote,
"He has a crush on me."
Copy !req
1378. Oh, Jesus.
Copy !req
1379. Hey.
You ready for ultimate hotness?
Copy !req
1380. What?
Copy !req
1381. Sexy, sexy.
Copy !req
1382. Oh, yes.
Copy !req
1383. This is the full seventh-grade
Alice experience.
Copy !req
1384. Yes, it is, young man.
Copy !req
1385. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1386. I've never done this before.
Copy !req
1387. - Mm.
- Mm.
Copy !req
1388. Mm.
Copy !req
1389. Mm.
You got to...
Copy !req
1390. - What?
- You got to take it out.
Copy !req
1391. - Is it too much?
- I can feel it.
Copy !req
1392. Hey, um, Nate texted you.
Copy !req
1393. - Like, just now?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1394. Do you want to —
Do you want to check it or...
Copy !req
1395. No.
I'm good.
Copy !req
1396. Really?
Copy !req
1397. Yeah.
Copy !req
1398. - Check it.
- You want me to check it?
Copy !req
1399. No.
I mean, you can. I would.
Copy !req
1400. No. I know what it says.
I don't need to check that.
Copy !req
1401. What does it say?
Copy !req
1402. Probably like...
"Oh, Alice.
Copy !req
1403. I miss you.
Copy !req
1404. I made a mistake."
Copy !req
1405. That doesn't mess with you,
like, at all?
Copy !req
1406. No, dude.
I'm with you.
Copy !req
1407. You know.
I'm with you.
Copy !req
1408. - Mm.
- This guy.
Copy !req
1409. - Mm.
Copy !req
1410. Mm.
Copy !req
1411. Uh... w-wait.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
Copy !req
1412. - I think...
- What?
Copy !req
1413. Maybe we wait till we're
back home to do this.
Copy !req
1414. - Are you being serious?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Copy !req
1415. I don't want your mom to come in
and, like, bop me on the head.
Copy !req
1416. Bop you?
Copy !req
1417. Yeah.
Bop me.
Copy !req
1418. Um, cool.
Copy !req
1419. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1420. - No. It's fine.
- No, I...
Copy !req
1421. I just figured maybe the walls
are kind of thin,
Copy !req
1422. maybe your parents can hear us.
Copy !req
1423. I mean, they can't, but yeah.
Copy !req
1424. It's okay.
We have to wake up early anyway.
Copy !req
1425. Hey, you know what we're
gonna do when we get back home?
Copy !req
1426. What?
Copy !req
1427. Just sex.
Copy !req
1428. Just hardcore fucking.
Copy !req
1429. Okay.
Copy !req
1430. Go to bed.
Copy !req
1431. Hey, I'm totally cool
if you want to check that text.
Copy !req
1432. Oh, my God. Shut up.
Copy !req
1433. Where are the caterers?
Copy !req
1434. They were supposed to be here
an hour ago!
Copy !req
1435. Dolores, please put down
those flowers.
Copy !req
1436. Mitchell,
why aren't you dressed?
Copy !req
1437. I need a little help
with the collage.
Copy !req
1438. - It's taking forever.
- Are you kidding?
Copy !req
1439. - Oh, my God!
- Uh, I can help.
Copy !req
1440. Go! Go! Go!
Copy !req
1441. I hope you're better
with a glue stick
Copy !req
1442. than you are with a helium tank.
Copy !req
1443. Hey, Mr. Mori,
How's it going?
Copy !req
1444. - What — What can I do?
- Uh, we're collaging.
Copy !req
1445. Start with that pile.
Cut around heads.
Copy !req
1446. - Okay.
- Leave the ears, though.
Copy !req
1447. Yeah.
Copy !req
1448. What am I supposed to do
with this?
Copy !req
1449. Just zhush.
Copy !req
1450. What is zhushing?
Copy !req
1451. It's, like, something.
Copy !req
1452. - Like that?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1453. Okay.
Copy !req
1454. Are you nervous?
Copy !req
1455. No.
Copy !req
1456. Are you jealous?
Copy !req
1457. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
1458. You are a monster in this dress.
Copy !req
1459. Hey, you're not allowed
to say mean things.
Copy !req
1460. I'm just kidding.
I am. I love you.
Copy !req
1461. I love you.
Copy !req
1462. I can't believe you made me wear
this stupid dress.
Copy !req
1463. You look pretty.
Copy !req
1464. Okay.
Copy !req
1465. You can put that one, uh,
Copy !req
1466. next to the engagement picture
right there.
Copy !req
1467. No problem.
Copy !req
1468. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1469. - Is this Alice?
- Ah. Yeah.
Copy !req
1470. Oh.
Look at that hat.
Copy !req
1471. I know.
Isn't she cute?
Copy !req
1472. Whoops. I don't know
how Nate got in there.
Copy !req
1473. Probably should have
thrown that one out.
Copy !req
1474. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1475. Oh, no.
Hey, it happens.
Copy !req
1476. - Yeah.
- Right?
Copy !req
1477. I'm really glad
you came along, Ben.
Copy !req
1478. Haven't seen my daughter
this happy in a long time.
Copy !req
1479. Everybody's moving so slowly.
Copy !req
1480. - Come on.
Dad.
Copy !req
1481. - Oh.
- This is not good here.
Copy !req
1482. Why aren't the flowers
already here?
Copy !req
1483. - For God's sakes.
It's okay.
Copy !req
1484. It's all right. It's beautiful.
You've done an amazing job.
Copy !req
1485. I love you.
Okay. I love you, too.
Copy !req
1486. All right.
Copy !req
1487. Okay.
Go to work.
Copy !req
1488. - Hi!
Copy !req
1489. Oh, my God.
How are you?
Copy !req
1490. Hi. Ben.
Copy !req
1491. - Ben.
- This is Ben. Sorry.
Copy !req
1492. I didn't introduce you.
This is Darlene.
Copy !req
1493. How's it going?
Nice to meet you. Ben.
Copy !req
1494. Look at you. Oh.
Copy !req
1495. Hello.
Copy !req
1496. - Thanks, Uncle Peter.
- Thank you, Uncle Peter.
Copy !req
1497. Ben. Ben.
Copy !req
1498. The assistant grill master.
Come on.
Copy !req
1499. No, no, no, no, no.
It's okay.
Copy !req
1500. It's fine.
Just come into the shot.
Copy !req
1501. - Okay, okay, okay.
- Now I need to recheck the —
Copy !req
1502. - All right. All right.
- I need to look.
Copy !req
1503. How tall are you?
You're too tall.
Copy !req
1504. - Six foot.
- Stand in back.
Copy !req
1505. - Okay.
- Right here.
Copy !req
1506. - Here?
- Yes. Perfect.
Copy !req
1507. Okay.
Ready.
Copy !req
1508. So, um, to wrap it all up,
uh, Jordan, don't get drunk
Copy !req
1509. because, um, you're gonna
have to perform tonight, right?
Copy !req
1510. Thanks to Kit and Kate
for the wonderful flowers.
Copy !req
1511. They were amazing.
Copy !req
1512. And, um, a round of applause
for Ben,
Copy !req
1513. Alice's new boyfriend.
Copy !req
1514. We like him 'cause he's cute.
Copy !req
1515. Okay. No.
Copy !req
1516. - Yeah, Ben.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1517. So, uh, you know,
enjoy the food.
Copy !req
1518. Celebrate.
Congratulations, Lily.
Copy !req
1519. Okay. Okay. That's...
Copy !req
1520. - Yeah, Mom, yeah.
- Whoo!
Copy !req
1521. - She — She's on fire tonight.
- She is freaking...
Copy !req
1522. - She's killing it.
- ... a bullet.
Copy !req
1523. - Wow.
- Um, are you doing okay?
Copy !req
1524. Yeah. Yeah.
No, I'm good.
Copy !req
1525. Okay.
Copy !req
1526. It's more than you could have
possibly imagined, right?
Copy !req
1527. No, no, no. No, no.
It's great.
Copy !req
1528. Alice.
All right.
Copy !req
1529. Get over here.
Okay.
Copy !req
1530. Say hi to your cousins.
- Okay!
Copy !req
1531. - You're doing great.
- Oh.
Copy !req
1532. Hurry.
Copy !req
1533. I'm coming.
Copy !req
1534. As Nick's best man, I could
tell you all the stories
Copy !req
1535. about his past boyfriends.
Copy !req
1536. And as Brett's best man,
I could tell you
Copy !req
1537. all the stories
about his ex-girlfriends.
Copy !req
1538. - But we're not gonna do that.
- No, we are not.
Copy !req
1539. - Mnh-mnh.
- Because we love each other.
Copy !req
1540. Yes.
And because my ex is here.
Copy !req
1541. - Hi, Chloe.
Hi, Brett.
Copy !req
1542. Oh, don't you talk to him,
bitch!
Copy !req
1543. Ben, let's go.
Copy !req
1544. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1545. Writing a card
for Brett and Nick.
Copy !req
1546. Okay.
Copy !req
1547. Ohh.
Copy !req
1548. Oh, God, what are these pillows?
Copy !req
1549. I think it was a gift.
Copy !req
1550. Okay, I'm gonna
buy you new ones.
Copy !req
1551. You don't have to do that.
- Yes, I do.
Copy !req
1552. - They're burning my eyes.
Well, I like them.
Copy !req
1553. How much longer?
Copy !req
1554. Love, Alice and Ben.
There we go.
Copy !req
1555. All right.
Copy !req
1556. Okay. You ready?
Copy !req
1557. Yeah. Been ready.
Copy !req
1558. Do you have the gift
in your car?
Copy !req
1559. - Oh.
- Alice.
Copy !req
1560. - I'm so sorry.
- Seriously?
Copy !req
1561. I left it at my house.
Copy !req
1562. We can swing by and pick it up.
Copy !req
1563. No, no.
We don't have time for that.
Copy !req
1564. Fuck. Okay. Come on. We —
All right, let's go.
Copy !req
1565. Okay.
Copy !req
1566. - Oh, I hate this.
Copy !req
1567. I hate showing up empty-handed.
Copy !req
1568. It's fine. I promise you
they don't give a shit.
Copy !req
1569. I give a shit.
Copy !req
1570. Hand-delivering a gift.
It's a — It's a classic move.
Copy !req
1571. Okay, well, I never give a gift.
Copy !req
1572. You never give a gift?
What does that mean?
Copy !req
1573. No. They should give me a gift
for coming to this shit.
Copy !req
1574. - Do you hear yourself right now?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1575. That's the most selfish thing
I've ever heard
Copy !req
1576. in my entire life —
my entire life.
Copy !req
1577. Shouldn't it be refrigerated?
Copy !req
1578. No, we're already going
to the roof.
Copy !req
1579. Oh. Are you friends
of Brett and Nick?
Copy !req
1580. Uh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Copy !req
1581. Uh, I'm Ben.
This is Alice.
Copy !req
1582. I can introduce myself.
I'm Alice. This is Ben.
Copy !req
1583. Oh. Pleased to meet you guys.
I'm Jackie.
Copy !req
1584. - Greg.
- We're the downstairs neighbors.
Copy !req
1585. You guys know if there's gonna
be food at this thing?
Copy !req
1586. I already told you
that there isn't food.
Copy !req
1587. I don't know.
- Never been wrong.
Copy !req
1588. Never, ever been wrong
in your life?
Copy !req
1589. See? They have a gift.
Copy !req
1590. Okay. You know what?
Copy !req
1591. Can you just —
Can you let it go?
Copy !req
1592. I really don't want to go
through the whole party
Copy !req
1593. in a fight.
Copy !req
1594. I'm not doing anything.
Copy !req
1595. You're being a little shitty.
Copy !req
1596. Don't do that.
Copy !req
1597. - Do what?
- Don't do that.
Copy !req
1598. Don't make me feel crazy
because you messed up.
Copy !req
1599. I'm not. I literally
left a present at home.
Copy !req
1600. It should not be
this big of a deal.
Copy !req
1601. Are you kidding me?
It's a big deal.
Copy !req
1602. I asked you to pick it up
like, what, three times?
Copy !req
1603. Who cares that you're
literally the only person
Copy !req
1604. who doesn't use
gift registration.
Copy !req
1605. Yeah, that's what's special
Copy !req
1606. about actually
hand-delivering a gift.
Copy !req
1607. You get to see their reaction.
Copy !req
1608. You get to see the joy.
It's amazing.
Copy !req
1609. Well, we got them a Keurig.
Copy !req
1610. I don't think the two of them
Copy !req
1611. will exactly come
with enthusiasm.
Copy !req
1612. Well, we're never gonna
know now, are we?
Copy !req
1613. Okay. Hey!
Hi.
Copy !req
1614. Oh, my God.
Hi, buddy.
Copy !req
1615. Hey, congratulations, dude.
Copy !req
1616. You guys, I am so sorry
we don't come bearing gifts.
Copy !req
1617. Bozo here left it at home.
Copy !req
1618. - Seriously?
- I'm joking.
Copy !req
1619. I'm joking! It was me.
Copy !req
1620. I'm the monster
who left your Keurig at home.
Copy !req
1621. - I'm sorry.
- A Keurig?
Copy !req
1622. It's a little coffee thing
with the pods.
Copy !req
1623. Oh! Nice!
Copy !req
1624. It's nice.
Thank you so much.
Copy !req
1625. Yeah. See, you get to see
the excitement.
Copy !req
1626. Yeah, yeah.
Well, you blew the surprise.
Copy !req
1627. Okay? She blew the surprise.
I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1628. Well, for the record,
I don't give a shit
Copy !req
1629. that you left it at home.
Copy !req
1630. Okay, well, forget it.
Copy !req
1631. Congratulations, you guys.
Copy !req
1632. - Oh.
- I'm so happy to see you.
Copy !req
1633. - Let's get shitfaced. Yeah?
- Please, yes.
Copy !req
1634. Please, please, please.
Copy !req
1635. Okay.
So they ran out of beer,
Copy !req
1636. so I had to settle for whatever
was in the plastic jug.
Copy !req
1637. Oh.
Copy !req
1638. Ugh. That's awful.
Copy !req
1639. - Will you hold this?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1640. Hey, for Jacob
and Anna's wedding,
Copy !req
1641. I was thinking
that we just do the same thing
Copy !req
1642. that we did at the beach
Copy !req
1643. and stick around
a couple extra days.
Copy !req
1644. Um, yeah. I —
I don't know.
Copy !req
1645. I-I don't know if I can make it
to that one.
Copy !req
1646. What? Why?
Copy !req
1647. I just — I have a thing.
Copy !req
1648. - A thing.
- Yeah. It's a work thing.
Copy !req
1649. - I can't move it.
- No. You're not making me go
Copy !req
1650. to Jacob Cartelli's wedding
by myself.
Copy !req
1651. I'm...
Copy !req
1652. pretty sure you can handle it.
Copy !req
1653. Ben, you're coming
to the wedding.
Copy !req
1654. You don't get to just bail
'cause you're in a mood.
Copy !req
1655. - I'm not in a mood.
- Yes, you are.
Copy !req
1656. You're in a little bitch mood
'cause of the coffeemaker.
Copy !req
1657. It's not the coffeemaker!
Copy !req
1658. Sorry. I just —
I-I need a second.
Copy !req
1659. There you are.
Copy !req
1660. Jesus.
Copy !req
1661. Hey.
Copy !req
1662. Are you smoking?
Copy !req
1663. Yeah.
Bummed it off of somebody.
Copy !req
1664. You look like a fucking idiot
smoking that thing.
Copy !req
1665. Yeah.
Copy !req
1666. What's going on with you?
Copy !req
1667. Nothing.
I'm just thinking.
Copy !req
1668. About?
Copy !req
1669. I don't know.
Stuff.
Copy !req
1670. Oh. Stuff. Okay.
Copy !req
1671. In that case, I'll leave you be.
Copy !req
1672. Hey. Stop. Talk to me.
Copy !req
1673. I just — I don't —
Copy !req
1674. I've been thinking
about us, you know?
Copy !req
1675. About what this is.
Copy !req
1676. We were dating.
Copy !req
1677. It's not a huge fucking mystery.
Copy !req
1678. It's not weird to you,
Copy !req
1679. you know, that we're all of
a sudden, like, this couple?
Copy !req
1680. No.
Copy !req
1681. Ben, this isn't sudden.
Copy !req
1682. We've been doing this
for a while.
Copy !req
1683. I mean, Jesus, you came
to my sister's wedding with me.
Copy !req
1684. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's —
that was the deal.
Copy !req
1685. That's what we do.
Copy !req
1686. Are you fucking serious
right now?
Copy !req
1687. I just — I-I never —
I never saw us as — as a thing.
Copy !req
1688. So? Neither did I.
Copy !req
1689. Quite frankly, I was repulsed
by the idea of you.
Copy !req
1690. - Thanks.
- But it changed,
Copy !req
1691. and it just — it happened.
Copy !req
1692. I can just —
I can feel you settling in.
Copy !req
1693. - And I'm having doubts.
- Okay.
Copy !req
1694. That's okay.
Copy !req
1695. I-I mean, you're allowed
to have doubts.
Copy !req
1696. It's just
I don't think we have...
Copy !req
1697. you know, what, like,
Brett and Nick have.
Copy !req
1698. - What, two dicks?
- No. Just...
Copy !req
1699. Alice, I look
at some of these couples,
Copy !req
1700. and they're not like us.
Copy !req
1701. They just —
They — They have this...
Copy !req
1702. - this...
- Love?
Copy !req
1703. Yeah.
Copy !req
1704. Yeah, well, I love you, dumb-ass.
Copy !req
1705. Do you love me?
Copy !req
1706. Uh...
Copy !req
1707. I don't know.
Copy !req
1708. - So that's a no.
- It's an I don't know.
Copy !req
1709. - Okay.
- Alice, I just need to be...
Copy !req
1710. - That's fucking great.
- ... 100% certain with you.
Copy !req
1711. And I'm not.
I'm not right now.
Copy !req
1712. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
1713. I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Copy !req
1714. I-I-I should have stopped this
a long time ago.
Copy !req
1715. Ben, don't do this.
Stop, stop doing this.
Copy !req
1716. I'm serious.
We have a good thing, okay?
Copy !req
1717. I-I'm not — I'm not asking you
to marry me.
Copy !req
1718. I'm not asking you to move in.
Copy !req
1719. I mean, what?
What do you need? What —
Copy !req
1720. This is good. You just
have to give it a chance.
Copy !req
1721. - Just — Just try it for me.
- I can't. I can't.
Copy !req
1722. - Why can't —
- I can't just say "Fuck it"
Copy !req
1723. and then hurt you
the way that Nate did.
Copy !req
1724. I'm sorry, but that would
kill me if I did that to you.
Copy !req
1725. Don't say that to me.
Copy !req
1726. You are hurting me way more
than Nate ever hurt me.
Copy !req
1727. God, Ben, you talk
about how you want love.
Copy !req
1728. You're always looking for love,
and I'm here.
Copy !req
1729. It's standing right in front
of you, and you can't —
Copy !req
1730. - Alice, I'm so sorry.
- Don't —
Copy !req
1731. Don't fucking say you're sorry.
Copy !req
1732. You are not sorry, Ben.
Copy !req
1733. You think you're this good guy,
and you're not.
Copy !req
1734. You are not.
Copy !req
1735. - You're a fucking asshole.
- Alice.
Copy !req
1736. I don't fucking give a shit.
Honestly.
Copy !req
1737. I'm cool.
Copy !req
1738. Before the wedding, I sat down
with Josh and Allison
Copy !req
1739. and had them each tell me what
they thought about one another,
Copy !req
1740. what makes up their love,
Copy !req
1741. what makes them soul mates
and there for one another.
Copy !req
1742. I am always very impressed
with your love.
Copy !req
1743. You may now kiss the bride.
Copy !req
1744. - Mazel tov!
- Mazel tov!
Copy !req
1745. The first time
that Allison met Josh,
Copy !req
1746. she just straight-up farted.
Copy !req
1747. And then she blamed me for it.
Copy !req
1748. Didn't you, Allison?
Copy !req
1749. Yeah, I'm — I'm a VP
at a start-up.
Copy !req
1750. That doesn't sound
very interesting.
Copy !req
1751. It's not. It's not.
That's the thing.
Copy !req
1752. - Excuse me.
- My God. Hi.
Copy !req
1753. Oh, my God.
So good to see you.
Copy !req
1754. Somebody call
about their dirty pool?
Copy !req
1755. My pool is so wet.
Copy !req
1756. Those tits look delicious.
Copy !req
1757. - Okay.
Copy !req
1758. Oh, yeah.
That's where I like it.
Copy !req
1759. Michael, Kara, I have one
last thing to say to you both.
Copy !req
1760. Flash mob!
Copy !req
1761. How many keys you want?
Copy !req
1762. Just one.
Copy !req
1763. - There you go.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
1764. You here alone?
Copy !req
1765. Sort of.
I'm Michael's cousin.
Copy !req
1766. No, uh — No boyfriend?
Copy !req
1767. Uh, Ben.
Copy !req
1768. Yikes.
Copy !req
1769. Hey. Hey, Ben.
Copy !req
1770. Ben, let's get you
some water, bud.
Copy !req
1771. What? Come on.
I'm just dancing.
Copy !req
1772. No, you're being that idiot
at the wedding.
Copy !req
1773. - What?
- Being that guy.
Copy !req
1774. That guy?
Yeah.
Copy !req
1775. It's not great.
Copy !req
1776. Come on.
Take a seat.
Copy !req
1777. What are you doing?
Copy !req
1778. What?
I'm having a good time.
Copy !req
1779. No, you aren't.
That's not fun.
Copy !req
1780. That did not look
like you're having fun.
Copy !req
1781. I'm having — I'm having a ball.
Copy !req
1782. I'm having a regular
old ball of a time.
Copy !req
1783. I'm flying solo, buddy.
Copy !req
1784. Uh, sure.
Copy !req
1785. - It's great.
- Where's Alice?
Copy !req
1786. I mean, I thought you guys
Copy !req
1787. were doing all these weddings
together.
Copy !req
1788. We sort of, um...
Copy !req
1789. W-We sort of imploded.
Copy !req
1790. I imploded it.
Copy !req
1791. Mm-hmm. Why?
Copy !req
1792. 'Cause, man, I don't know.
Copy !req
1793. I don't know if I can be
with her, you know, forever.
Copy !req
1794. Ohh.
Copy !req
1795. What?
Copy !req
1796. - You know how you're a dumb guy?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1797. I think these weddings
are making you dumber.
Copy !req
1798. Yeah. Maybe.
No more weddings.
Copy !req
1799. They're bad for me.
Copy !req
1800. If I get invited to another one,
Copy !req
1801. I'm gonna be like,
"Hey, no, thank you," okay?
Copy !req
1802. I can't go.
I can't do it.
Copy !req
1803. It's just like,
why is everybody so in love
Copy !req
1804. and just so — just sure?
Copy !req
1805. Dude, they're not.
Copy !req
1806. What are you talk—
What are you talking about?
Copy !req
1807. You have never had doubts
about Amanda.
Copy !req
1808. Why would you say that?
Copy !req
1809. How do you know?
Copy !req
1810. Do you, like, watch us,
like, all the time?
Copy !req
1811. Do you have a camera
set up in our house?
Copy !req
1812. Jesus.
Copy !req
1813. I have doubts about Amanda
all the time.
Copy !req
1814. We're not perfect.
Copy !req
1815. Me and Amanda getting married,
we're just going for it.
Copy !req
1816. We don't know.
Copy !req
1817. So what's the point?
Copy !req
1818. Because it's fun.
Copy !req
1819. You know?
Copy !req
1820. It is.
It's a really fun party.
Copy !req
1821. And it's nice to tell someone
that you're in
Copy !req
1822. and to say it to their face
Copy !req
1823. in front of this room
full of people.
Copy !req
1824. And it's nice to hear it back.
Copy !req
1825. Look, man, I love you.
Copy !req
1826. You're the best.
Copy !req
1827. But you're not that great.
Copy !req
1828. Right now you're kind of
like that guy
Copy !req
1829. in an ice cream store who, like,
samples every single flavor
Copy !req
1830. before he picks one.
Copy !req
1831. That guy sucks.
Copy !req
1832. But how can I know
what's best, though?
Copy !req
1833. You won't.
Copy !req
1834. Shit.
Copy !req
1835. I fucked up.
Copy !req
1836. Yes, you did.
Copy !req
1837. [ Voice breaking, quietly ]
And it's — it's not —
Copy !req
1838. it's not easy, you know,
because...
Copy !req
1839. Louder!
- ... I'm the older brother
Copy !req
1840. and I don't even
have a girlfriend.
Copy !req
1841. Louder!
Copy !req
1842. Ben. How are you?
Copy !req
1843. Hey, Mr. Ricciardi,
how are you?
Copy !req
1844. I saw your dad yesterday.
Copy !req
1845. He said you might be looking
for a new line of work.
Copy !req
1846. Is that true?
Copy !req
1847. Yeah, yeah.
I don't really know.
Copy !req
1848. I really think you should
consider the flavor business.
Copy !req
1849. We could use smart people
like yourself.
Copy !req
1850. Yeah.
- Just yesterday,
Copy !req
1851. my associate perfected a new
jalapeño pomegranate flavor.
Copy !req
1852. Have you ever heard
of such a thing?
Copy !req
1853. No, no, no.
I haven't.
Copy !req
1854. Hey, Mr. Ricciardi, have you
seen Alice Mori today?
Copy !req
1855. No. We also found a way
to make barbecue sprinkles.
Copy !req
1856. Not very good.
Copy !req
1857. Ben?
- Alice.
Copy !req
1858. - Nate.
- Ben.
Copy !req
1859. How you doing, dude?
Copy !req
1860. I'm good. Yeah.
Copy !req
1861. - Harry Ricciardi.
- Nate Lam.
Copy !req
1862. I thought you couldn't come
to this one.
Copy !req
1863. Yeah. I, uh, moved my thing.
Copy !req
1864. Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go find the missus.
Copy !req
1865. So those flowers for me,
big guy?
Copy !req
1866. Oh. Uh, no. No.
Copy !req
1867. Th-They're — They're for, um...
Copy !req
1868. uh, they're — they're for her.
Copy !req
1869. Cartelli's stepmom?
Copy !req
1870. Yeah, she — she loves flowers.
Copy !req
1871. Here you go.
Copy !req
1872. All right.
Copy !req
1873. What — What's this?
Copy !req
1874. Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Copy !req
1875. Oh, take care.
Come here, come here.
Copy !req
1876. Oh! Yes.
This guy. King Ben.
Copy !req
1877. The B-Zone!
Copy !req
1878. Mm! Bensanity.
Copy !req
1879. Hey, Cartelli, how are you?
Copy !req
1880. I'm great, man.
This is...
Copy !req
1881. Man, my little brother
just got married.
Copy !req
1882. I mean, it is — Faah!
It's the best.
Copy !req
1883. Do you think
it'll ever happen for us?
Copy !req
1884. This?
Copy !req
1885. - I don't know.
- I don't know, either.
Copy !req
1886. Is this crazy?
You and me should go out
Copy !req
1887. one of these nights, you know?
Copy !req
1888. Because I need a wingman,
you know?
Copy !req
1889. 'Cause I haven't had sex
in, like, six y— six years.
Copy !req
1890. Uh...
Copy !req
1891. Hi.
Copy !req
1892. Hey, Cartelli,
I'll be right back.
Copy !req
1893. - Yeah. Yeah, man.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1894. Hey, I'm here for you whenever,
so just hit me up.
Copy !req
1895. Throw up the Bat Signal!
Copy !req
1896. Let's go fucking party.
Copy !req
1897. Hey.
Copy !req
1898. Hey.
Copy !req
1899. Hi.
Copy !req
1900. Do you need
to use the girls' room?
Copy !req
1901. No.
Copy !req
1902. Those flowers were for you,
by the way.
Copy !req
1903. - Yeah. I know.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
1904. I was surprised.
Copy !req
1905. I thought you didn't like
the concept of flowers.
Copy !req
1906. Yeah, but I know you do.
Copy !req
1907. Uh, does he —
does he know about me?
Copy !req
1908. - Yeah.
- Huh.
Copy !req
1909. Mm. He doesn't love it.
Copy !req
1910. But, you know, the whole
Shaina from accounting thing
Copy !req
1911. kind of cancels out.
Copy !req
1912. Right. Yeah.
Copy !req
1913. Um, hey, can I —
can I say something?
Copy !req
1914. Uh, no.
Copy !req
1915. Just — I just need
to say one thing,
Copy !req
1916. and I'll — I'll leave you
alone, I swear.
Copy !req
1917. I really can't handle
a big speech right now, Ben.
Copy !req
1918. It's not a big speech.
Copy !req
1919. It's a medium — medium speech.
Copy !req
1920. Alice, you were right.
Copy !req
1921. You were right about me.
Copy !req
1922. I'm an asshole.
Copy !req
1923. And you were right
about these weddings.
Copy !req
1924. I-I can't do them on my own.
It's impossible.
Copy !req
1925. It's 'cause you're lonely.
Copy !req
1926. No. It's because
you're not there.
Copy !req
1927. You're not there to — to insult
everything that I do.
Copy !req
1928. You're not there to make fun
of groomsmen photos
Copy !req
1929. and — and — and vows
and all the other bullshit.
Copy !req
1930. You're not there to order fish
at a fucking diner.
Copy !req
1931. And the worst part
about all this
Copy !req
1932. is that you're not there
because I hurt you.
Copy !req
1933. I hurt the one person
that never deserved it.
Copy !req
1934. And I pushed you away
Copy !req
1935. because I'm dumb
and I'm selfish,
Copy !req
1936. and fuck me for being too late,
but I love you, Alice.
Copy !req
1937. You love me?
Copy !req
1938. Of course.
Copy !req
1939. Ben, I really...
Copy !req
1940. Everything okay over here?
Copy !req
1941. Uh, yeah.
Copy !req
1942. Sorry. Nate, can we
just get five minutes?
Copy !req
1943. Um, I should really
go back inside.
Copy !req
1944. Bye, Ben.
Copy !req
1945. Alice?
Copy !req
1946. Ben! Help!
Copy !req
1947. Dad? What's wrong?
Copy !req
1948. I'm fucking high.
Copy !req
1949. Jesus.
Where are you, Dad?
Copy !req
1950. Golf course!
Copy !req
1951. What? Golf course?
Copy !req
1952. It's so goddamn wet over here.
Copy !req
1953. I love you, Chuck.
Copy !req
1954. What are you doing
at a golf course
Copy !req
1955. at 1:00 in the morning?
Copy !req
1956. Help me, Ben.
Copy !req
1957. Okay, okay. I'm coming.
Copy !req
1958. What the fuck?
Copy !req
1959. Ah! Ben.
Thank God you're here.
Copy !req
1960. Dad, what the hell happened?
Copy !req
1961. It's a whole big thing, Ben.
Copy !req
1962. We ate all this acid,
and we went nuts.
Copy !req
1963. Why?
Why'd you do any of that?
Copy !req
1964. It's my bachelor party, Ben.
Copy !req
1965. It's his bachelor party, Ben.
Copy !req
1966. It's his bachelor party, Ben.
Copy !req
1967. Can I interest you gentlemen
in a quick trip to the diner?
Copy !req
1968. - Yeah.
- No, no.
Copy !req
1969. I'm dropping everyone off
at home.
Copy !req
1970. - Aw.
- Aw, Benjamin bummer.
Copy !req
1971. Bummer.
Copy !req
1972. Guys, where am I going?
Copy !req
1973. Drop them at Hanon's.
Copy !req
1974. You got it, man.
You know where to go.
Copy !req
1975. - I-I don't know where to go.
- Follow your heart.
Copy !req
1976. - I don't know where to go.
- Just trust for one second.
Copy !req
1977. - Hanon.
- Don't get into maps.
Copy !req
1978. And I need to hear
from some expert...
Copy !req
1979. - Dad.
- Just do it yourself.
Copy !req
1980. - Dad.
- Yes. Do it yourself, Ben.
Copy !req
1981. - Do it yourself.
- I'm doing this by myself.
Copy !req
1982. Do it yourself.
- Dad, what is Hanon's address?
Copy !req
1983. - Thanks, Ben.
- You're the best.
Copy !req
1984. - Thank you.
- Whoo!
Copy !req
1985. - No, this way.
- Hey. Hey. Hey.
Copy !req
1986. - Follow the light.
- Just —
Copy !req
1987. - Uh, here.
- Come on, guys.
Copy !req
1988. Get in the house.
Get in the house.
Copy !req
1989. Whew.
Copy !req
1990. Time to lie down.
Copy !req
1991. Dad, I'm — Dad, I'm driving.
Copy !req
1992. - Bad energy from the seat.
- Okay, just — just —
Copy !req
1993. - I got to get back here.
- Can you tuck —
Copy !req
1994. tuck back there?
Copy !req
1995. Ben, I'm so glad
you're my best man.
Copy !req
1996. I'm not your best man, Dad.
Copy !req
1997. You're so cool.
Copy !req
1998. You are the best, man.
Copy !req
1999. Best man.
Copy !req
2000. Now I get why it's called that.
Copy !req
2001. Whew.
Copy !req
2002. I can't wait for your wife.
Copy !req
2003. Yeah, here we go.
Copy !req
2004. You think it's gonna be Alice?
Copy !req
2005. - No, Dad.
- Why?
Copy !req
2006. She's so wacky.
Copy !req
2007. We broke up.
Copy !req
2008. Oh, no.
That's too bad.
Copy !req
2009. - Hey. Hey, Ben.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
2010. - Ben.
- Yeah, Dad.
Copy !req
2011. Do you hate Gina?
Copy !req
2012. - No. No, Dad.
- Tell me the fucking truth.
Copy !req
2013. - Do you hate Gina?
- I don't hate Gina.
Copy !req
2014. Then why are you so mad
about us?
Copy !req
2015. I'm not mad, Dad.
I just —
Copy !req
2016. Dad, you're a little bit hard
to root for sometimes.
Copy !req
2017. When you and Mom split,
it really messed me up.
Copy !req
2018. And I just decided I didn't
want to be like you guys.
Copy !req
2019. I just wanted to find the one
Copy !req
2020. and — and hang on to her
forever.
Copy !req
2021. And now I'm completely alone.
Copy !req
2022. So...
Copy !req
2023. And you're just moving on
to your next family.
Copy !req
2024. Ben.
Copy !req
2025. I'm sorry that your mother and I
splitting up
Copy !req
2026. hurt you so much.
Copy !req
2027. What she and I had was great.
Copy !req
2028. I'd be nothing
if I hadn't met her,
Copy !req
2029. and I wouldn't have you.
Copy !req
2030. And, buddy...
Copy !req
2031. as long as I'm alive,
you will never be alone.
Copy !req
2032. Hey, Ben?
Copy !req
2033. Yeah, Dad.
Copy !req
2034. Can we do drive-through?
Copy !req
2035. Sure. Is there somewhere
you want to go?
Copy !req
2036. Zapburger.
Copy !req
2037. Where is — What —
What is Zapburger?
Copy !req
2038. They get a patty
made with organic soy meat,
Copy !req
2039. and they cook it with lasers.
Copy !req
2040. It's a perfect burger.
Copy !req
2041. Okay, Dad.
Copy !req
2042. Don't take the freeway.
Take surface streets.
Copy !req
2043. Holy shit.
Copy !req
2044. Hey, everyone.
Copy !req
2045. Thanks for coming.
Copy !req
2046. I'm Ben,
Copy !req
2047. and most of you here
probably know me as Chuck's son.
Copy !req
2048. And if you're wondering
why I'm up here
Copy !req
2049. giving his best man speech,
so am I.
Copy !req
2050. Truth is, I put up
a pretty big stink
Copy !req
2051. about all this.
Copy !req
2052. I-I just didn't want to do it.
Copy !req
2053. To me, a third marriage
was ill-advised.
Copy !req
2054. I mean, hell, even a second one
was hard to swallow.
Copy !req
2055. But also, I just didn't get it.
Copy !req
2056. - Ah.
- Thank you.
Copy !req
2057. I believed
in things like fate
Copy !req
2058. and love at first sight,
Copy !req
2059. that once you found the one...
Copy !req
2060. Yay.
Copy !req
2061. that was the ballgame.
Copy !req
2062. Chuck.
Copy !req
2063. But the truth is,
Copy !req
2064. if you spend your whole life
looking for perfect...
Copy !req
2065. you wind up with nothing.
Copy !req
2066. See, there are many innings
to this ballgame.
Copy !req
2067. And I don't think
love is about chance run-ins
Copy !req
2068. or cute accidents.
Copy !req
2069. It's simpler than that.
Copy !req
2070. It's about finding someone
you want to hang out with
Copy !req
2071. as long as humanly possible
and just...
Copy !req
2072. just trying
not to screw it up.
Copy !req
2073. Keep going.
Copy !req
2074. But you will mess up.
Copy !req
2075. No matter how hard you try,
you'll get in your own way.
Copy !req
2076. But if you can learn
from your mistakes...
Copy !req
2077. You know you don't deserve
a second chance, right?
Copy !req
2078. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
2079. you might
just build something...
Copy !req
2080. even better.
Copy !req
2081. So I'd like to raise a glass.
Copy !req
2082. Gina, Dad, congratulations.
Copy !req
2083. - You, get in here.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
2084. Come on, come on, come on.
Copy !req
2085. - Hoo.
- All right. I'm in. I'm in.
Copy !req
2086. Oh, my God. I have heard
so much about you.
Copy !req
2087. That's it?
Copy !req
2088. What do you —
What do you mean, that's it?
Copy !req
2089. You cannot shout out
your dad's divorces.
Copy !req
2090. That's insane.
Gina's gonna kill you.
Copy !req
2091. I'm just trying to be honest.
Copy !req
2092. Then be honest.
Copy !req
2093. Say, "I learned about love
Copy !req
2094. after I hurt Alice
and then came crawling back."
Copy !req
2095. I did not come
crawling back to you.
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2096. Oh, you fucking crawled.
You crawled, Benjamin.
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2097. If anything, you crawled back.
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2098. Don't you fucking dare.
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2099. You did. You literally
waited for me to come home,
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2100. and then you kissed me
real good.
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2101. That's not how I remember it.
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2102. Alice, are you actually
gonna help me with this speech?
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2103. Yes. Okay, Ben.
Why don't you end it
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2104. with "boom-shakalaka"?
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2105. Hell, yes.
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2106. I didn't expect that!
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