1. You wanted
to talk with me, Doctor?Copy !req
2. Have you been to see
Mrs. Vogler yet, Sister Alma?Copy !req
3. No, not yet.Copy !req
4. Let me explain her situationCopy !req
5. and the reason why
you have been hired to care for her.Copy !req
6. Mrs. Vogler is an actress,
as you know.Copy !req
7. During her last performance
of Electra,Copy !req
8. she fell silent
and looked around as if in surprise.Copy !req
9. She was silent
for over a minute.Copy !req
10. She apologized afterward,
saying she had got the urge to laugh.Copy !req
11. The next day the theater rang,Copy !req
12. as Mrs. Vogler
had not come to rehearsals.Copy !req
13. The maid found her still in bed.Copy !req
14. She was awake
but did not talk or move.Copy !req
15. This condition has now lasted
for three months.Copy !req
16. She has had all sorts of tests.Copy !req
17. She's healthy
both mentally and physically.Copy !req
18. It's not even some kind
of hysterical reaction.Copy !req
19. Any questions, Sister Alma?Copy !req
20. Well, then,
you can go to Mrs. Vogler now.Copy !req
21. How do you do, Mrs. Vogler?Copy !req
22. I am Sister Alma.Copy !req
23. I'm here to take care of you.Copy !req
24. Maybe I should tell you
a little about myself.Copy !req
25. I'm 25 years old and engaged.Copy !req
26. I graduated from nursing school
two years ago.Copy !req
27. My parents have a farm
in the country.Copy !req
28. My mother was also a nurse
until she got married.Copy !req
29. I should go get
your dinner tray.Copy !req
30. Fried liver and fruit salad.Copy !req
31. It looked tasty.Copy !req
32. Another pillow?
Is that good?Copy !req
33. Sister Alma,
what's your first impression?Copy !req
34. I don't know
what to say, Doctor.Copy !req
35. Her face looks soft,
almost childish.Copy !req
36. Then you see her eyes...Copy !req
37. She has a mean look, I think.Copy !req
38. - I don't know. I shouldn't...
- What were you going to say?Copy !req
39. I thought I should say no
to this case.Copy !req
40. Why?
Did something frighten you?Copy !req
41. No, not exactly.Copy !req
42. Perhaps Mrs. Vogler
needs an older personCopy !req
43. with more life experience.Copy !req
44. - I might not be able to handle her.
- Handle? In what way?Copy !req
45. - Mentally.
- Mentally?Copy !req
46. If Mrs. Vogler's silence
and immobility are her decision...Copy !req
47. Well?Copy !req
48. That shows great mental strength.Copy !req
49. I might not be able to cope.Copy !req
50. I thought that you might want
to see the sunset.Copy !req
51. Shall I turn on the radio?Copy !req
52. There is a play.Copy !req
53. I'm sorry, my love.Copy !req
54. Oh, you have to forgive me.Copy !req
55. I want nothing
but your forgiveness.Copy !req
56. Forgive me and I can...Copy !req
57. What are you laughing at, Mrs. Vogler?
Is the actress so funny?Copy !req
58. What do you know about mercy?
What do you know?Copy !req
59. What do you know about mercy?Copy !req
60. Mrs. Vogler,
I don't understand those things.Copy !req
61. I'm interested in film and theater,
but I don't go very often.Copy !req
62. I have a tremendous
admiration for artists.Copy !req
63. I think that art is of enormous
importance in people's lives,Copy !req
64. especially for those
who have problems.Copy !req
65. I shouldn't talk about these things
with you, Mrs. Vogler.Copy !req
66. I'm skating on thin ice.Copy !req
67. Let's see if there's some music.Copy !req
68. Is that all right?Copy !req
69. Good night, then, Mrs. Vogler.
Sleep well!Copy !req
70. Damn...Copy !req
71. It's funny.Copy !req
72. You can go about
as you please...Copy !req
73. do almost anything.Copy !req
74. I'll marry Karl-Henrik
and have a couple of children,Copy !req
75. which I'll have to raise.Copy !req
76. All of this is predestined.
It's inside me.Copy !req
77. It's nothing to think about.Copy !req
78. It's a safe feeling.Copy !req
79. I have a job
that I like and enjoy.Copy !req
80. That's good, too...Copy !req
81. but in another way.Copy !req
82. But it's good.Copy !req
83. Good.Copy !req
84. I wonder
what's really wrong with her.Copy !req
85. Elisabet Vogler.Copy !req
86. Elisabet.Copy !req
87. Mrs. Vogler, would you like me
to open the letter?Copy !req
88. Shall I read it?Copy !req
89. Shall I read it to you?Copy !req
90. "Dearest Elisabet,Copy !req
91. "Since I'm not allowed to see you,
I'm writing to you.Copy !req
92. "You don't have to read my letter.
You can ignore it.Copy !req
93. "I cannot help
seeking contact with you this way.Copy !req
94. "I'm haunted
by a constant question –Copy !req
95. "Have I hurt you in any way?Copy !req
96. "Have I unknowingly hurt you?"Copy !req
97. "Is there some terrible
misunderstanding between us?"Copy !req
98. Do you really
want me to go on?Copy !req
99. "I thought we were happy.Copy !req
100. "We have never been so close."Copy !req
101. "Do you remember saying,Copy !req
102. "'I'm beginning to understand
what it means to be married'?Copy !req
103. "'You have taught me...'"Copy !req
104. I can't read it.Copy !req
105. "'You have taught...'"Copy !req
106. Now I see.Copy !req
107. "'You have taught me
that we have to see each otherCopy !req
108. "'as two anxious children,Copy !req
109. "'filled with good will
and the best intentions,Copy !req
110. "'but Ru—'"Copy !req
111. Now I see.Copy !req
112. "'... ruled by powers
that we can only partially control.'Copy !req
113. "Do you remember
saying all that?"Copy !req
114. "We went for a walk
in the woods,Copy !req
115. "and you stopped
and grabbed the belt of my coat."Copy !req
116. There is a photo with the letter.Copy !req
117. A photo of your son.
I don't know if...Copy !req
118. Do you want it, Mrs. Vogler?Copy !req
119. He looks terribly cute.Copy !req
120. Elisabet, I don't think
there's any pointCopy !req
121. in your staying at the hospital.Copy !req
122. It's just hurting you to be here.Copy !req
123. Since you don't want to go home,
I suggest you and Sister AlmaCopy !req
124. stay at my summer house
by the sea.Copy !req
125. Don't you think I understand?Copy !req
126. The hopeless dream of being.
Not seeming, but being.Copy !req
127. In every waking moment
aware, alert.Copy !req
128. The tug of war – what you are
with others and who you really are.Copy !req
129. A feeling of vertigoCopy !req
130. and a constant hunger
to be finally exposed.Copy !req
131. To be seen through,
cut down...Copy !req
132. even obliterated.Copy !req
133. Every tone of voice a lie.
Every gesture false.Copy !req
134. Every smile a grimace.Copy !req
135. Commit suicide?Copy !req
136. That's unthinkable.Copy !req
137. You don't do things like that.Copy !req
138. But you can refuse to move
and be silent.Copy !req
139. Then, at least,
you're not lying.Copy !req
140. You can shut yourself in,
shut out the world.Copy !req
141. Then you don't
have to play any roles,Copy !req
142. show any faces,
make false gestures.Copy !req
143. You'd think so...Copy !req
144. but reality is diabolical.Copy !req
145. Your hiding-place
isn't watertight.Copy !req
146. Life trickles in everywhere.Copy !req
147. You're forced to react.Copy !req
148. Nobody asks if it's real or not,Copy !req
149. if you're honest or a liar.Copy !req
150. That's only important
at the theater,Copy !req
151. perhaps not even there.Copy !req
152. Elisabet, I understand why
you're silent, why you don't move.Copy !req
153. Your lifelessness
has become a fantastic part.Copy !req
154. I understand and I admire you.Copy !req
155. I think you should play
this part until it's done...Copy !req
156. until it's no longer interesting.Copy !req
157. Then you can leave it,Copy !req
158. as you leave all your roles.Copy !req
159. Mrs. Vogler and Sister AlmaCopy !req
160. move into the doctor's
summer house.Copy !req
161. The seaside stay
agrees very well with the actress.Copy !req
162. Her former apathy gives way
to long walks, fishing,Copy !req
163. cooking, letter-writing,
and other diversions.Copy !req
164. Sister Alma enjoys the seclusion
of the countrysideCopy !req
165. and takes great care
of her patient.Copy !req
166. It's bad luck to compare hands.Copy !req
167. Elisabet, can I read
a bit of my book to you?Copy !req
168. Or am I disturbing you?
Listen to this...Copy !req
169. "The anxiety
we carry with us,Copy !req
170. "all our broken dreams,
the inexplicable cruelty,Copy !req
171. "the fear of death,Copy !req
172. "the painful insight
into our earthly condition..."Copy !req
173. "... have worn out our hope
of a divine salvation.Copy !req
174. "The cries
of our faith and doubtCopy !req
175. "against the darkness
and the silenceCopy !req
176. "are terrible proofCopy !req
177. "of our loneliness and fear."Copy !req
178. Do you think it's like that?Copy !req
179. I don't believe that.Copy !req
180. To change...
but I'm so lazy.Copy !req
181. And it makes me feel guilty.Copy !req
182. Karl-Henrik always scolds me
for not having any ambitions.Copy !req
183. He says I'm like a zombie.Copy !req
184. I think it's unfair.Copy !req
185. I graduated
with the highest marks in my class.Copy !req
186. Maybe he means something else.Copy !req
187. You?Copy !req
188. I'm sorry...Copy !req
189. You know...Copy !req
190. At the hospital,
where I graduated,Copy !req
191. there is a home
for old nurses,Copy !req
192. ones who've been nurses all
of their lives and lived for their work –Copy !req
193. always in uniform –Copy !req
194. and they live there.Copy !req
195. Imagine having a calling that strong
that you devote your life to it...Copy !req
196. Believing in something,
doing something.Copy !req
197. To think your life has meaning.Copy !req
198. I like that.Copy !req
199. Sticking to it whatever happens.Copy !req
200. I think you should be
of importance to others.Copy !req
201. Do you believe that?Copy !req
202. I know it sounds naïve,
but I believe in that.Copy !req
203. What a downpour!Copy !req
204. Yes, he was married.Copy !req
205. We had an affair for five years.Copy !req
206. Then he got tired, of course.Copy !req
207. I was so in love,
and he was the first.Copy !req
208. It was like a prolonged pain...Copy !req
209. long periods of pain
and short moments of...Copy !req
210. I started thinking about it all
because you've taught me to smoke.Copy !req
211. He smoked a lot.Copy !req
212. In hindsight, it's banal, of course.
Sort of like pulp fiction.Copy !req
213. In a strange way,
it was never real.Copy !req
214. I don't know how
to describe it.Copy !req
215. I was never real to him.Copy !req
216. But my pain was real,
that's for sure.Copy !req
217. In some way, that was a part of it,
in some nauseating way,Copy !req
218. as if it should be like that.Copy !req
219. Even the things
we said to each other.Copy !req
220. People tell me
that I'm a good listener.Copy !req
221. Isn't that strange?Copy !req
222. Nobody ever bothered to listen to me.
Not the way you do now.Copy !req
223. You listen.Copy !req
224. I think you're the first person
to listen to me.Copy !req
225. It can't be interesting.
You could read a book instead.Copy !req
226. Look at me, talking.
I hope it doesn't irritate you.Copy !req
227. It feels so good to talk.
It feels warm and nice.Copy !req
228. I've never been in a mood
like this before.Copy !req
229. I've always wanted a sister.
I only have brothers.Copy !req
230. Seven of them. Strange, eh?
And then I turned up.Copy !req
231. Boys have surrounded me
all my life, as long as I can remember.Copy !req
232. But I like boys.Copy !req
233. But you would know that
with your experience as an actress.Copy !req
234. I like Karl-Henrik so much, but...Copy !req
235. You probably only love once.Copy !req
236. I'm faithful to him.Copy !req
237. There are opportunities
in my profession, you know.Copy !req
238. Karl-Henrik and I had rented
a cottage by the sea once.Copy !req
239. It was in June,
and we were all alone.Copy !req
240. One day Karl-Henrik
had gone into town.Copy !req
241. I went to the beach on my own.Copy !req
242. It was a warm and nice day.Copy !req
243. There was another girl there.Copy !req
244. She had come
from another islandCopy !req
245. because our beach
was sunnier and more secluded.Copy !req
246. We lay there
completely naked and sunbathed...Copy !req
247. dozing off and on,
putting sunscreen on.Copy !req
248. We had silly straw hats on.Copy !req
249. Mine had a blue ribbon.Copy !req
250. I lay there...Copy !req
251. looking out at the landscape,
at the sea and the sun.Copy !req
252. It was kind of funny.Copy !req
253. Suddenly I saw two figures
on the rocks above us.Copy !req
254. They hid
and peeped out occasionally.Copy !req
255. "Two boys are looking at us,"
I said to the girl.Copy !req
256. Her name was Katarina.Copy !req
257. "Let them look," she said,
and turned over on her back.Copy !req
258. I had a funny feeling.Copy !req
259. I wanted to jump up
and put my suit on,Copy !req
260. but I just lay there on my stomach
with my bottom in the air,Copy !req
261. unembarrassed, totally calm.Copy !req
262. And Katarina was next to meCopy !req
263. with her breasts and big thighs.Copy !req
264. She was just giggling.Copy !req
265. I noticed that the boys
were coming closer.Copy !req
266. They just stood there
looking at us.Copy !req
267. I noticed they were very young.Copy !req
268. The boldest one
approached us...Copy !req
269. and squatted down
next to Katarina.Copy !req
270. He pretended to be busy
picking his toes.Copy !req
271. I felt very strange.Copy !req
272. Suddenly Katarina said to him,Copy !req
273. "Hey, you, why don't you
come over here?"Copy !req
274. Then she took his hand and helped him
take off his jeans and shirt.Copy !req
275. Suddenly he was on top of her.Copy !req
276. She guided him in
and held his butt.Copy !req
277. The other boy
just sat and watched.Copy !req
278. I heard Katarina whisper
in the boy's ear and laugh.Copy !req
279. His face was right next to mine.Copy !req
280. It was red and swollen.Copy !req
281. Suddenly I turned and said,Copy !req
282. "Aren't you coming to me, too?"Copy !req
283. And Katarina said,
"Go to her now."Copy !req
284. He pulled out of her and...Copy !req
285. then fell on top of me,
completely hard.Copy !req
286. He grabbed my breast.Copy !req
287. It hurt so much!Copy !req
288. I was overwhelmed
and came almost immediately.Copy !req
289. Can you believe it?Copy !req
290. I wanted to tell him to be careful
not to make me pregnant...Copy !req
291. when he came.Copy !req
292. I felt something
I'd never felt in my life –Copy !req
293. how his sperm
was shooting inside me.Copy !req
294. He held my shoulders
and bent backwards.Copy !req
295. I came over and over.Copy !req
296. Katarina lay there watching
and held him from behind.Copy !req
297. After he came,
she took him in her armsCopy !req
298. and used his hand
to make herself come.Copy !req
299. When she came,
she screamed like a banshee.Copy !req
300. The three of us started laughing.Copy !req
301. We called to the other boy,
who was sitting on the slope.Copy !req
302. His name was Peter.Copy !req
303. He seemed confused and was
shivering there in the sunshine.Copy !req
304. Katarina unbuttoned his pants
and started to play with him.Copy !req
305. And when he came,
she took him in her mouth.Copy !req
306. He bent down
and kissed her back.Copy !req
307. She turned around,
took his head in both hands,Copy !req
308. and gave him her breast.Copy !req
309. The other boy got so excited
that he and I started all over again.Copy !req
310. It was just as nice as before.Copy !req
311. Then we had a swim
and went our separate ways.Copy !req
312. When I came home, Karl-Henrik
was already back from town.Copy !req
313. We had dinner
and some red wine.Copy !req
314. Then we had sex.Copy !req
315. It had never been that good,
before or after.Copy !req
316. Can you understand that?Copy !req
317. And I got pregnant, of course.Copy !req
318. Karl-Henrik,
studying to be a doctor,Copy !req
319. took me to a colleague
who carried out the abortion.Copy !req
320. We were both pleased.
We didn't want to have children.Copy !req
321. Not then, anyway.Copy !req
322. It doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
323. None of it fits together.Copy !req
324. You feel guilty for little things.Copy !req
325. Can you understand that?Copy !req
326. And what happens to everything
that you make up your mind to do?Copy !req
327. Is it necessary to do it all?Copy !req
328. Is it possible
to be one and the same personCopy !req
329. at the same time?
I mean, two people?Copy !req
330. Oh, Lord, it's so silly.Copy !req
331. No reason to start crying.Copy !req
332. I'll get a handkerchief.Copy !req
333. It's almost morning.Copy !req
334. And it's still raining.Copy !req
335. Imagine, talking incessantly.Copy !req
336. I've been talking and you've
been listening. How boring for you.Copy !req
337. What could possibly interest you
about my life?Copy !req
338. I should be like you.Copy !req
339. You know what I thought
after seeing your movie that night?Copy !req
340. When I came home
and looked in the mirror, I thought,Copy !req
341. "But we look alike."Copy !req
342. Don't misunderstand me.
You're more beautiful.Copy !req
343. But somehow... I think I could
change myself into you if I tried.Copy !req
344. I mean, inside.Copy !req
345. You could be me, just like that.Copy !req
346. But your soul would be too big.
It would stick out everywhere!Copy !req
347. Go to bed. Otherwise,
you'll fall asleep at the table.Copy !req
348. I have to go to bed now
or I'll fall asleep at the table.Copy !req
349. That would be uncomfortable.Copy !req
350. Good night.Copy !req
351. Elisabet.Copy !req
352. Did you speak to me last night?Copy !req
353. Were you in my room?Copy !req
354. Shall I take your mail, too?Copy !req
355. My dear,
I could live like this forever.Copy !req
356. Silent, living a secluded life,
reducing my needs,Copy !req
357. feeling my battered soul
finally starting to smooth itself out.Copy !req
358. Alma takes care of me,
spoils me in the most touching way.Copy !req
359. I believe that she likes it here
and that she's very fond of me...Copy !req
360. perhaps even in love
in an unaware and enchanting way.Copy !req
361. In any case,
it's very interesting studying her.Copy !req
362. Sometimes she cries
over past sins –Copy !req
363. an orgy with a strange boy
and a subsequent abortion.Copy !req
364. She claims that her perceptionsCopy !req
365. do not correspond
with her actions.Copy !req
366. You're reading a play.Copy !req
367. That's a healthy sign.
I'll tell the doctor.Copy !req
368. Do you think we'll leave soon?Copy !req
369. I'm starting to miss the city.
Aren't you?Copy !req
370. Would you like
to make me really happy?Copy !req
371. I know it's a sacrifice,
but right now I could use your help.Copy !req
372. Nothing dangerous.Copy !req
373. I just want you to talk to me.Copy !req
374. Nothing special.Copy !req
375. We could talk about anything...
what to have for dinner,Copy !req
376. if you think the water
is cold after the rain,Copy !req
377. if it's too cold to go swimming.Copy !req
378. Just talk for a few minutes.
One minute.Copy !req
379. You could read aloud,
just say a couple of words.Copy !req
380. I have to try not to get angry.
You remain silent.Copy !req
381. That's your prerogative,
but now I need you to talk to me.Copy !req
382. Dearest, please,
can't you just say one word?Copy !req
383. I knew you would refuse.Copy !req
384. You can't know how I feel.Copy !req
385. I thought that great artists
had great compassion for people...Copy !req
386. that they created
through a great compassionCopy !req
387. and a need to help.Copy !req
388. That was stupid.Copy !req
389. You have used me.
For what, I don't know.Copy !req
390. Now that you don't need me
anymore, you throw me away.Copy !req
391. Oh, yes,
I hear how false it sounds –Copy !req
392. "You used me
and then you threw me away."Copy !req
393. That's how it is, every word.
And then these glasses!Copy !req
394. You've hurt me badly.Copy !req
395. You've laughed at me
behind my back.Copy !req
396. Yes, I read the letter
that you wrote to the doctor.Copy !req
397. Yes, I did, because it wasn't sealed,
and I read all of it.Copy !req
398. You made me talk.Copy !req
399. You made me talk about things
I've never told anybody.Copy !req
400. And you told.
What a study, eh?Copy !req
401. You, you...Copy !req
402. You're going to talk!Copy !req
403. If you have something
to say, goddamn it...Copy !req
404. No, don't do it!Copy !req
405. That scared you, didn't it?Copy !req
406. For a second,
you were really scared, right?Copy !req
407. A real fear of death, huh?Copy !req
408. "Alma has gone crazy,"
you thought.Copy !req
409. What kind of a person are you?Copy !req
410. Or maybe you thought,
"I'll remember that face,Copy !req
411. "that tone of voice,
that expression."Copy !req
412. I'm going to give you something
you won't forget!Copy !req
413. You're laughing, are you?Copy !req
414. It's not that simple for me.Copy !req
415. Not so funny, either.Copy !req
416. But you have always
your laughter.Copy !req
417. Does it have to be like this?Copy !req
418. Is it really important
that you don't lie, that you tell the truth,Copy !req
419. talk with a genuine
tone of voice?Copy !req
420. Can you live
without talking freely?Copy !req
421. Lie and make excuses?Copy !req
422. Isn't it better to give yourself
permission to be lazy and lie?Copy !req
423. Perhaps you get better
if you just be the way you are.Copy !req
424. No, you don't understand.Copy !req
425. You don't understand
what I'm saying.Copy !req
426. You're unapproachable.Copy !req
427. The doctor said you're healthy,
but I wonder about your madness.Copy !req
428. You're acting healthy so well
that everyone believes you.Copy !req
429. Everyone but me,
because I know how rotten you are.Copy !req
430. Look at me behaving like this.Copy !req
431. Elisabet!Copy !req
432. Elisabet, forgive me.Copy !req
433. Oh, my God,
I behaved like an idiot.Copy !req
434. I don't know what came over me.
I'm here to help you.Copy !req
435. It was that awful letter.Copy !req
436. I was so disappointed.Copy !req
437. You asked me
to talk about myself.Copy !req
438. It felt so good. You seemed
so kind and understanding.Copy !req
439. I had been drinking.
It felt so good to talk about it all.Copy !req
440. I was flattered that a great actress
like you bothered to listen.Copy !req
441. Somehow I thought it would be nice
if it was of some use to you.Copy !req
442. But it is so awful.
It's sheer exhibitionism.Copy !req
443. Elisabet, I want you to –
I want you to forgive me.Copy !req
444. I care for you so much.
You mean so much to me.Copy !req
445. I've learned so much from you.
Let's not part as enemies.Copy !req
446. You don't want to forgive me
because you're too proud!Copy !req
447. You don't want to give in
because you don't think it's necessary.Copy !req
448. I won't...
I won't...Copy !req
449. doesn't speak, doesn't listen,
can't understand...Copy !req
450. Elisabet!Copy !req
451. What means... can't use...
to make listen?Copy !req
452. Practically...Copy !req
453. When you sleep,
your face is relaxed...Copy !req
454. your mouth
is swollen and ugly.Copy !req
455. There's a mean wrinkle
on your forehead.Copy !req
456. You smell of sleep and tears.Copy !req
457. I can see the pulse
on your neck.Copy !req
458. It has a scar
you normally cover with makeup.Copy !req
459. Elisabet!Copy !req
460. He's calling again.Copy !req
461. I'll find out
what he wants from us...Copy !req
462. out here,
far away here in our solitude.Copy !req
463. Elisa –Copy !req
464. I'm sorry if I frightened you.Copy !req
465. I'm not Elisabet.Copy !req
466. I have no demands.Copy !req
467. I didn't want to disturb you.
Don't you think I understand?Copy !req
468. The doctor has explained things.Copy !req
469. But it's hard to explain
to your little boy.Copy !req
470. I do the best I can.Copy !req
471. There's something deep down,
difficult to get a grip on.Copy !req
472. You love somebody,
or say you do...Copy !req
473. it's tangible, like words.Copy !req
474. Mr. Vogler, I'm not your wife.Copy !req
475. You are also loved.
You form a bond.Copy !req
476. It gives you security,
a chance to endure, doesn't it?Copy !req
477. How can I say it all
without losing myself?Copy !req
478. Without boring you?Copy !req
479. I love you as much as ever.Copy !req
480. No. Don't worry, my love.Copy !req
481. We have each other.
We trust each other.Copy !req
482. We know each other's thoughts.
We love each other.Copy !req
483. That's how it is. Isn't it?Copy !req
484. More important is the effort.
Not what we accomplish, right?Copy !req
485. To see each other as children,Copy !req
486. tormented and helpless,
lonely children.Copy !req
487. Tell your little boy
that his mother will be back soon...Copy !req
488. that Mommy has been ill,
but she longs for her little boy.Copy !req
489. Remember to buy a toy for him.Copy !req
490. Tell him it's a present from Mommy.
Don't forget.Copy !req
491. I have such
a great tenderness for you.Copy !req
492. It's almost unbearable.Copy !req
493. I don't know what to do
with my tenderness.Copy !req
494. I live on your tenderness.Copy !req
495. Elisabet, is it good for you with me?
Is it nice for you?Copy !req
496. You're a wonderful lover.
You know that.Copy !req
497. My dearest!Copy !req
498. Give me a sedative,
throw me away.Copy !req
499. No, I can't go on anymore...Copy !req
500. My darling...Copy !req
501. Leave me alone!
It's shameful, all of it.Copy !req
502. Leave me alone!Copy !req
503. I'm cold and rotten
and indifferent.Copy !req
504. It's all lies and imitation.Copy !req
505. What have you got there?Copy !req
506. What are you hiding
under your hand?Copy !req
507. Let me see.Copy !req
508. It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.Copy !req
509. We have to talk about it.Copy !req
510. Tell me now, Elisabet.Copy !req
511. Well, then, I will.Copy !req
512. It was an evening
at a party, wasn't it?Copy !req
513. It was late and rather noisy.Copy !req
514. In the early hours,
someone said to you...Copy !req
515. "Elisabet, you have everything
as a woman and as an artist,Copy !req
516. "but you lack motherliness."Copy !req
517. You laughed because
you thought it was ridiculous...Copy !req
518. but you couldn't stop thinking
about what he had said.Copy !req
519. You grew more worried...Copy !req
520. so you let your husband
make you pregnant.Copy !req
521. You wanted to be a mother.Copy !req
522. When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid,Copy !req
523. afraid of responsibility,
afraid of being tied down,Copy !req
524. afraid to leave the theater...Copy !req
525. afraid of pain,
afraid of dying,Copy !req
526. afraid of your swelling body.Copy !req
527. But all the time you acted,Copy !req
528. played the part
of the happy expectant mother.Copy !req
529. And everybody said,
"She has never been this beautiful."Copy !req
530. You tried several times
to get rid of the fetus.Copy !req
531. But you failed.Copy !req
532. When you knew it was inevitable,
you started to hate the childCopy !req
533. and wished it would be stillborn.Copy !req
534. You wished
that the baby would be dead.Copy !req
535. You wanted a dead child.Copy !req
536. It was a long and difficult delivery.Copy !req
537. You suffered for days.Copy !req
538. The baby was delivered
with forceps.Copy !req
539. You looked with disgust
at your screaming childCopy !req
540. and whispered,
"Can't you die soon? Can't you die?"Copy !req
541. But he survived.Copy !req
542. The boy screamed
day and night...Copy !req
543. and you hated him.Copy !req
544. You were afraid.
You felt guilty.Copy !req
545. In the end, relatives and a nanny
took care of the boy,Copy !req
546. and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.Copy !req
547. But the suffering wasn't over.Copy !req
548. The boy was seized by a massive
and unfathomable love for his mother.Copy !req
549. You resisted desperatelyCopy !req
550. because you felt
that you could not return it.Copy !req
551. You try and try...Copy !req
552. but the meetings with him
are cruel and awkward.Copy !req
553. You can't do it.Copy !req
554. You're cold and indifferent.Copy !req
555. And he looks at you.Copy !req
556. He loves you, and he's soft,Copy !req
557. and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.Copy !req
558. You think he's repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly bodyCopy !req
559. and his moist and pleading eyes.Copy !req
560. You think he's repulsive,
and you're afraid.Copy !req
561. What are you hiding
under your hand?Copy !req
562. Let me see.Copy !req
563. It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.Copy !req
564. We have to talk about it.Copy !req
565. Tell me now, Elisabet.Copy !req
566. Well, then, I will.Copy !req
567. It was an evening
at a party, wasn't it?Copy !req
568. It was late and rather noisy.Copy !req
569. In the early hours,
someone said to you...Copy !req
570. "Elisabet, you have everything
as a woman and as an artist...Copy !req
571. "... but you lack motherliness."Copy !req
572. You laughed because
you thought it was ridiculous...Copy !req
573. but you couldn't stop thinking
about what he had said.Copy !req
574. You grew more worried...Copy !req
575. so you let your husband
make you pregnant.Copy !req
576. You wanted to be a mother.Copy !req
577. When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid...Copy !req
578. afraid of responsibility,
afraid of being tied down,Copy !req
579. afraid to leave the theater...Copy !req
580. afraid of pain,
afraid of dying,Copy !req
581. afraid of your swelling body.Copy !req
582. But all the time you acted,Copy !req
583. played the part
of the happy expectant mother.Copy !req
584. And everybody said,
"She has never been this beautiful."Copy !req
585. You tried several times
to get rid of the fetus.Copy !req
586. But you failed.Copy !req
587. When you knew
it was inevitable...Copy !req
588. you started to hate the child...Copy !req
589. and wished
it would be stillborn.Copy !req
590. You wished
that the baby would be dead.Copy !req
591. You wanted a dead child.Copy !req
592. It was a long and difficult delivery.Copy !req
593. You suffered for days.Copy !req
594. The baby was delivered
with forceps.Copy !req
595. You looked with disgust
at your screaming childCopy !req
596. and whispered,
"Can't you die soon?Copy !req
597. "Can't you die?"Copy !req
598. The boy screamed
day and night,Copy !req
599. and you hated him.Copy !req
600. You were afraid.
You felt guilty.Copy !req
601. In the end, relatives and a nanny
took care of the boy...Copy !req
602. and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.Copy !req
603. But the suffering was not over.Copy !req
604. The boy was seized by a massive
and unfathomable love for his mother.Copy !req
605. You resisted desperatelyCopy !req
606. because you felt
that you could not return it.Copy !req
607. You try and try...Copy !req
608. but the meetings with him
are cruel and awkward.Copy !req
609. You can't do it.Copy !req
610. You're cold and indifferent.Copy !req
611. And he looks at you.Copy !req
612. He loves you, and he's soft,Copy !req
613. and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.Copy !req
614. You think he's repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly bodyCopy !req
615. and his moist and pleading eyes.Copy !req
616. You think he's repulsive,
and you're afraid.Copy !req
617. No.Copy !req
618. I'm not like you.
I don't feel the same as you.Copy !req
619. I'm Sister Alma.
I'm only here to help you.Copy !req
620. I'm not Elisabet Vogler.Copy !req
621. You're Elisabet Vogler.Copy !req
622. I would like to have...Copy !req
623. I love...Copy !req
624. I haven't...Copy !req
625. I've learned quite a lot.Copy !req
626. Let's see how long
I can hold out.Copy !req
627. I'll never be like you.
I change all the time.Copy !req
628. You can do what you want.
You won't get to me.Copy !req
629. Say nothing...
cut a candle.Copy !req
630. Not now. No, no.Copy !req
631. Warning and timeless.
Unforeseen...Copy !req
632. When it had to happen,
it didn't, so... failure.Copy !req
633. You stand there,
but I should be.Copy !req
634. Not inward, not close...Copy !req
635. Say collect and advise others.Copy !req
636. Desperate, maybe...Copy !req
637. I take... yes,
but what is the closest...Copy !req
638. What is it called?
No...Copy !req
639. Us, we, me, I...Copy !req
640. Many words and disgust,Copy !req
641. unbearable pain,
the nausea.Copy !req
642. Try to listen to me.Copy !req
643. Repeat after me...Copy !req
644. Nothing.Copy !req
645. Nothing.Copy !req
646. No, nothing.Copy !req
647. Nothing.Copy !req
648. There.Copy !req
649. That's right.Copy !req
650. That's how it should be.
Can't you die?"Copy !req
651. The boy cried
day and night,Copy !req
652. and you hated him.Copy !req
653. You were afraid.
You had a guilty conscience.Copy !req
654. In the end,
some relatives and a nannyCopy !req
655. took care of the boy,Copy !req
656. and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.Copy !req
657. But the suffering wasn't over.Copy !req
658. The boy was seizedCopy !req
659. by a vast, unfathomable love
for his mother.Copy !req
660. You resist desperately,Copy !req
661. because you feel
you can't return that love.Copy !req
662. You try and try...Copy !req
663. but your encounters with him
are cruel and awkward.Copy !req
664. You can't do it.Copy !req
665. You're cold and indifferent.Copy !req
666. And he looks at you.Copy !req
667. He loves you,
and he's so soft,Copy !req
668. and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.Copy !req
669. You find him repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly bodyCopy !req
670. and his moist, pleading eyes.Copy !req
671. You find him repulsive,
and you're afraid.Copy !req
672. No!Copy !req
673. I'm not like you.Copy !req
674. I don't feel
the same way you do.Copy !req
675. I'm Sister Alma.
I'm only here to help you.Copy !req
676. I'm not Elisabet Vogler.Copy !req
677. You're Elisabet Vogler.Copy !req
678. I'd really like to have –Copy !req
679. I love –Copy !req
680. I haven't –Copy !req
681. I've learned quite a lot.Copy !req
682. Let's see how long
I can hold out.Copy !req
683. I'll never be like you.
I change all the time.Copy !req
684. You can do what you want.
You won't get to me.Copy !req
685. Say nothing.Copy !req
686. Cut a candle.Copy !req
687. A kind of otherness.Copy !req
688. Not now. No, no.Copy !req
689. Warning and outside time.Copy !req
690. Unforeseen.Copy !req
691. When it was supposed to happen,
it didn't, so... failure.Copy !req
692. You stand there,Copy !req
693. but I should do it.Copy !req
694. Not inward, no.Copy !req
695. Say collect
and advise others.Copy !req
696. A desperate maybe.Copy !req
697. I take, yes...
but what is closest?Copy !req
698. What's it called?Copy !req
699. No, no, no.Copy !req
700. Us, we, me, I.Copy !req
701. Many words
and then disgust,Copy !req
702. unbearable pain,
the nausea.Copy !req
703. Try and listen to me now.Copy !req
704. Repeat after me.Copy !req
705. Nothing.Copy !req
706. Nothing.Copy !req
707. No, nothing.Copy !req
708. Nothing.Copy !req
709. That's it.Copy !req
710. That's good.Copy !req
711. That's how it should be.Copy !req
712. DIGITALLY RESTORED IN 2011Copy !req