1. You wished
to speak to me, Doctor?
Copy !req
2. Have you seen Mrs. Vogler yet,
Sister Alma?
Copy !req
3. No, not yet.
Copy !req
4. Let me explain her situation
Copy !req
5. and why you've been
hired to care for her.
Copy !req
6. Mrs. Vogler is an actress,
as you know.
Copy !req
7. In the middle of her last
performance of Electra,
Copy !req
8. she fell silent and looked
around as if in surprise.
Copy !req
9. She was silent
for over a minute.
Copy !req
10. She apologized
to her colleagues afterward,
Copy !req
11. saying she'd felt
a sudden urge to laugh.
Copy !req
12. The next day
the theater called
Copy !req
13. to ask if she'd forgotten
about rehearsal.
Copy !req
14. The maid went in her room
and found her still in bed.
Copy !req
15. She was awake but wouldn't
answer questions or move.
Copy !req
16. This condition's gone on
for three months now.
Copy !req
17. She's been given
every conceivable test.
Copy !req
18. The result is clear:
Copy !req
19. She's perfectly healthy,
both mentally and physically.
Copy !req
20. And it's not a question
of some hysterical reaction either.
Copy !req
21. Any questions,
Sister Alma?
Copy !req
22. If not, you can go
see Mrs. Vogler now.
Copy !req
23. Hello, Mrs. Vogler.
Copy !req
24. I'm Sister Alma.
Copy !req
25. I've been hired to take care
of you for a while.
Copy !req
26. Perhaps I should tell you
a bit about myself.
Copy !req
27. I'm 25 years old,
and I'm engaged.
Copy !req
28. I got my nursing certificate
two years ago.
Copy !req
29. My parents have
a farm in the country.
Copy !req
30. My mother was a nurse too,
before she got married.
Copy !req
31. I should go get your dinner tray -
fried liver and fruit salad.
Copy !req
32. It looked quite good.
Copy !req
33. Shall I raise this end up?
Are you all right like that?
Copy !req
34. Sister Alma,
what's your first impression?
Copy !req
35. I don't know
what to say, Doctor.
Copy !req
36. At first her face looks soft,
almost childish,
Copy !req
37. but then
you see her eyes...
Copy !req
38. Her expression's so hard.
Copy !req
39. Perhaps I shouldn't -
Copy !req
40. What were you going to say?
Copy !req
41. I was thinking I should
turn down the assignment.
Copy !req
42. Why? Did something
frighten you?
Copy !req
43. No, not exactly,
Copy !req
44. but perhaps Mrs. Vogler
should have an older nurse,
Copy !req
45. one with more life experience.
Copy !req
46. - I might not be able to manage.
- Manage? In what way?
Copy !req
47. - Mentally.
- Mentally?
Copy !req
48. If she's made a conscious
decision not to speak or move,
Copy !req
49. which must be the case,
since she's healthy -
Copy !req
50. Then?
Copy !req
51. Then that shows
great mental strength.
Copy !req
52. I may not be up to it.
Copy !req
53. I thought you might want
to see the twilight.
Copy !req
54. I can draw
the curtains later.
Copy !req
55. Shall I turn on the radio?
Copy !req
56. I think there's a play on.
Copy !req
57. Forgive me, darling.
Copy !req
58. You must forgive me.
Copy !req
59. All I want
is your forgiveness.
Copy !req
60. What are you laughing about?
Is the actress so funny?
Copy !req
61. What do you know
of mercy? well?
Copy !req
62. What do you know
of mercy?
Copy !req
63. I don't understand
those sorts of things.
Copy !req
64. I enjoy films
and the theater,
Copy !req
65. but I'm afraid
I don't go very often.
Copy !req
66. I have tremendous
admiration for artists.
Copy !req
67. I think art is enormously
important in life,
Copy !req
68. especially for those struggling
for one reason or another.
Copy !req
69. But I'm skating on thin ice,
telling you about such things.
Copy !req
70. Let's see
if I can find some music.
Copy !req
71. Is that all right?
Copy !req
72. Good night, then.
Sleep well.
Copy !req
73. Damn it.
Copy !req
74. It's funny.
Copy !req
75. You can go about
as you please...
Copy !req
76. doing almost anything
you please.
Copy !req
77. I'll marry Karl-Henrik
and we'll have a couple kids,
Copy !req
78. whom I'll raise.
Copy !req
79. It's all decided.
It's inside me.
Copy !req
80. I don't even have
to think about it.
Copy !req
81. It's a great feeling
of security.
Copy !req
82. I have a job
I like and enjoy.
Copy !req
83. That's good too...
Copy !req
84. but in another way.
Copy !req
85. But it's good.
Copy !req
86. Yes...
Copy !req
87. it's good.
Copy !req
88. I wonder what's really
wrong with her.
Copy !req
89. Elisabet Vogler.
Copy !req
90. Mrs. Vogler, would you like me
to open the letter?
Copy !req
91. Shall I read it?
Copy !req
92. Shall I read it to you?
Copy !req
93. "Dearest Elisabet,
Copy !req
94. since I'm not allowed
to see you, I'm writing instead.
Copy !req
95. If you don't wish to read
my letter, you can ignore it.
Copy !req
96. But I can't help trying
to contact you this way,
Copy !req
97. as I'm tormented
by a persistent question:
Copy !req
98. Have I done you harm
in some way?
Copy !req
99. Have I unknowingly
hurt you somehow?
Copy !req
100. Was there some terrible
misunderstanding between us?"
Copy !req
101. Should I really go on?
Copy !req
102. "As far as I know,
we've been happy recently.
Copy !req
103. Surely we've never been...
Copy !req
104. so close.
Copy !req
105. Do you remember saying,
Copy !req
106. 'I'm only just beginning
to understand
Copy !req
107. what it means
to be married'?
Copy !req
108. 'You've taught me..."
Copy !req
109. I can't make it out.
Copy !req
110. "'You've taught..."
Now I see.
Copy !req
111. "'You've taught me
that we must see each other
Copy !req
112. as two anxious children
Copy !req
113. full of goodwill
and the best of intentions
Copy !req
114. but gov-'"
Now I see.
Copy !req
115. "'... governed by forces
we can only partially control.'
Copy !req
116. Do you remember
saying all that?
Copy !req
117. We were walking
in the woods,
Copy !req
118. and you stopped and grabbed
the belt of my coat -"
Copy !req
119. There was a picture
with the letter.
Copy !req
120. A picture of your son.
I don't know if -
Copy !req
121. Do you want it,
Mrs. Vogler?
Copy !req
122. He looks awfully cute.
Copy !req
123. Elisabet, I don't think
there's any point
Copy !req
124. in your staying here
in the hospital.
Copy !req
125. It's just hurting you
to be here.
Copy !req
126. Since you don't want
to go home,
Copy !req
127. I suggest you
and Sister Alma move out
Copy !req
128. to my summer place
by the sea.
Copy !req
129. You think
I don't understand?
Copy !req
130. The hopeless dream
of being.
Copy !req
131. Not seeming to be,
but being.
Copy !req
132. Conscious and awake
at every moment.
Copy !req
133. At the same time, the chasm
between what you are to others
Copy !req
134. and what you are
to yourself.
Copy !req
135. The feeling of vertigo,
and the constant hunger
Copy !req
136. to be unmasked
once and for all.
Copy !req
137. To be seen through,
cut down...
Copy !req
138. perhaps even annihilated.
Copy !req
139. Every tone of voice a lie,
every gesture a falsehood,
Copy !req
140. every smile a grimace.
Copy !req
141. Commit suicide?
Copy !req
142. No, too nasty.
Copy !req
143. One doesn't do
things like that.
Copy !req
144. But you can refuse
to move or talk.
Copy !req
145. Then at least
you're not lying.
Copy !req
146. You can cut yourself off,
close yourself in.
Copy !req
147. Then you needn't
play any roles,
Copy !req
148. wear any masks,
make any false gestures.
Copy !req
149. So you might think...
Copy !req
150. but reality plays
nasty tricks on you.
Copy !req
151. Your hiding place
isn't watertight enough.
Copy !req
152. Life oozes in from all sides.
Copy !req
153. You're forced to react.
Copy !req
154. No one asks
whether it's genuine or not,
Copy !req
155. whether you're lying
or telling the truth.
Copy !req
156. Questions like that
only matter in the theater,
Copy !req
157. and hardly even there.
Copy !req
158. I understand you,
Elisabet.
Copy !req
159. I understand that you're
not speaking or moving,
Copy !req
160. that you've turned this apathy
into a fantastic setup.
Copy !req
161. I understand
and admire you.
Copy !req
162. I think you should play this part
until it's played out,
Copy !req
163. until it's no longer
interesting.
Copy !req
164. Then you can drop it,
just as you eventually drop
Copy !req
165. all your other roles.
Copy !req
166. Thus, at the end of the summer,
Mrs. Vogler and Sister Alma
Copy !req
167. move out to the doctor's
summer house.
Copy !req
168. The stay by the sea agrees
very well with the actress.
Copy !req
169. Her crippling apathy
at the hospital
Copy !req
170. gives way to long walks,
fishing excursions,
Copy !req
171. cooking, letter writing,
and other diversions.
Copy !req
172. Sister Alma enjoys
the seclusion of the countryside
Copy !req
173. and tends to her patient
with utmost care.
Copy !req
174. Don't you know it's bad luck
to compare hands?
Copy !req
175. Elisabet...
Copy !req
176. may I read you
something from my book?
Copy !req
177. Or am I disturbing you?
Copy !req
178. Here's what it says:
Copy !req
179. "All the anxiety
we carry within us,
Copy !req
180. all our thwarted dreams,
the inexplicable cruelty,
Copy !req
181. our fear of extinction,
Copy !req
182. the painful insight
into our earthly condition
Copy !req
183. have slowly crystallized our hope
for an other-worldly salvation.
Copy !req
184. The tremendous cry
of our faith and doubt
Copy !req
185. against the darkness
and silence
Copy !req
186. is the most terrifying proof
of our abandonment
Copy !req
187. and our unuttered knowledge."
Copy !req
188. Do you think that's true?
Copy !req
189. I don't believe that.
Copy !req
190. To change...
but I'm so lazy.
Copy !req
191. And then
I feel guilty about it.
Copy !req
192. Karl-Henrik scolds me
for not having any ambition,
Copy !req
193. for going around
like I'm sleepwalking.
Copy !req
194. I think that's unfair.
Copy !req
195. I graduated highest
in my class.
Copy !req
196. But maybe he means
something else.
Copy !req
197. You know -
Oh, sorry.
Copy !req
198. You know what
I think about sometimes?
Copy !req
199. At the hospital
where I took my exam,
Copy !req
200. there's a home
for old nurses
Copy !req
201. who were nurses all their lives
and lived for their work
Copy !req
202. and were always
in uniform.
Copy !req
203. They live
in their little rooms there.
Copy !req
204. Imagine believing
so strongly in something
Copy !req
205. that you devote
your entire life to it.
Copy !req
206. Having something to believe in,
working at something,
Copy !req
207. believing
your life has meaning.
Copy !req
208. I like that.
Copy !req
209. Holding on tight to something,
no matter what -
Copy !req
210. I think that's how
it should be.
Copy !req
211. Meaning something
to other people.
Copy !req
212. Don't you agree?
Copy !req
213. I know it sounds childish,
but I believe in that.
Copy !req
214. What a downpour!
Copy !req
215. Oh, yes, he was married.
Copy !req
216. We had an affair
for five years.
Copy !req
217. Then he got tired of it,
of course.
Copy !req
218. I was terribly in love,
and he was the first.
Copy !req
219. I remember it all
like one long torment.
Copy !req
220. Long periods of agony,
and brief moments when -
Copy !req
221. Your teaching me
how to smoke reminded me.
Copy !req
222. He smoked constantly.
Copy !req
223. In hindsight
it all seems so dreary.
Copy !req
224. A real dime store novel.
Copy !req
225. In some strange way
it was never quite real.
Copy !req
226. I don't know how
to explain it.
Copy !req
227. At least, I was never
quite real to him.
Copy !req
228. But my pain was real,
that's for sure.
Copy !req
229. But that was somehow
all a part of it
Copy !req
230. in some nasty way,
Copy !req
231. as if that's how
it was supposed to be.
Copy !req
232. Even the things
we said to each other.
Copy !req
233. Lots of people have told me
I'm a good listener.
Copy !req
234. Isn't that funny?
Copy !req
235. No one's ever bothered
to listen to me.
Copy !req
236. Like you're doing now.
You're really listening.
Copy !req
237. I think you're the first person
who's ever listened to me.
Copy !req
238. It can't be at all interesting.
Copy !req
239. You could be reading
a good book instead.
Copy !req
240. How I'm going on!
I hope I'm not irritating you.
Copy !req
241. It feels so good to talk.
It feels nice and warm.
Copy !req
242. I've never felt like this
in all my life.
Copy !req
243. I've always wanted
a sister.
Copy !req
244. I have loads of brothers -
seven.
Copy !req
245. Strange, eh?
Then I came along.
Copy !req
246. I remember being surrounded
by boys all my life.
Copy !req
247. But I like boys.
Copy !req
248. But I'm sure
you know that,
Copy !req
249. with all your experience
as an actress.
Copy !req
250. I like Karl-Henrik so much,
Copy !req
251. but you really
only love once.
Copy !req
252. I'm faithful to him.
Copy !req
253. Opportunities come up
in this line of work, I can tell you.
Copy !req
254. Karl-Henrik and I rented
a cottage by the sea once.
Copy !req
255. It was June,
and we were all alone.
Copy !req
256. One day, when Karl-Henrik
had gone into town,
Copy !req
257. I went to the beach
on my own.
Copy !req
258. It was a warm
and lovely day.
Copy !req
259. There was
another girl there.
Copy !req
260. She'd paddled over
from another island
Copy !req
261. because our beach
was sunnier and more secluded.
Copy !req
262. We lay there sunbathing beside
one another, completely naked,
Copy !req
263. dozing now and then,
putting suntan lotion on.
Copy !req
264. We had those cheap
straw hats on, you know?
Copy !req
265. I had a blue ribbon
around mine.
Copy !req
266. I lay there peeping out
from under my hat
Copy !req
267. at the landscape
and the sea and the sun.
Copy !req
268. It was kind of funny.
Copy !req
269. Suddenly I saw two figures leaping
about on the rocks above us.
Copy !req
270. They would hide
and then peek out.
Copy !req
271. "There's a couple boys
looking at us," I told the girl.
Copy !req
272. Her name was Katarina.
Copy !req
273. "Let them look," she said,
and turned over on her back.
Copy !req
274. It was a strange feeling.
Copy !req
275. I wanted to jump up
and put on my robe,
Copy !req
276. but I just lay there
on my stomach
Copy !req
277. with my bottom in the air,
Copy !req
278. not at all embarrassed,
completely calm.
Copy !req
279. Katarina lay there
next to me the whole time,
Copy !req
280. with her breasts
and thick thighs.
Copy !req
281. She just lay there
sort of giggling to herself.
Copy !req
282. I noticed that the boys
had come closer.
Copy !req
283. They just stood there
looking at us.
Copy !req
284. I noticed
they were terribly young.
Copy !req
285. Then one of them -
the more daring of the two -
Copy !req
286. came up and squatted down
next to Katarina.
Copy !req
287. He pretended to be busy
picking at his toes.
Copy !req
288. I felt so strange.
Copy !req
289. Suddenly
I heard Katarina say,
Copy !req
290. "Hey, why don't you
come over here?"
Copy !req
291. She took him by the hand
Copy !req
292. and helped him off
with his jeans and shirt.
Copy !req
293. Then suddenly
he was on top of her.
Copy !req
294. She guided him in
with her hands on his behind.
Copy !req
295. The other boy just sat
on the slope and watched.
Copy !req
296. I heard Katarina whisper
in the boy's ear and laugh.
Copy !req
297. His face was
right next to mine.
Copy !req
298. It was red and swollen.
Copy !req
299. Suddenly
I turned over and said,
Copy !req
300. "Aren't you coming
over to me too?"
Copy !req
301. And Katarina said,
"Go to her now."
Copy !req
302. He pulled out of her
Copy !req
303. and fell on top of me,
completely hard.
Copy !req
304. He grabbed my breast.
Copy !req
305. It hurt so bad!
Copy !req
306. I was ready somehow
and came almost at once.
Copy !req
307. Can you believe it?
Copy !req
308. I was about to say,
"Careful you don't get me pregnant"
Copy !req
309. when he suddenly came.
Copy !req
310. I felt it like
never before in my life,
Copy !req
311. the way he sprayed
his seed into me.
Copy !req
312. He gripped my shoulders
and arched backward.
Copy !req
313. I came over and over.
Copy !req
314. Katarina lay on her side
and watched
Copy !req
315. and held him from behind.
Copy !req
316. After he came,
she took him in her arms
Copy !req
317. and used his hand
to make herself come.
Copy !req
318. When she came,
Copy !req
319. she screamed
like a banshee.
Copy !req
320. Then all three of us
started laughing.
Copy !req
321. We called to the other boy,
who was sitting on the slope.
Copy !req
322. His name was Peter.
Copy !req
323. He came down,
looking all confused
Copy !req
324. and shivering
despite the sunshine.
Copy !req
325. Katarina unbuttoned his pants
and started to play with him.
Copy !req
326. And when he came,
she took him in her mouth.
Copy !req
327. He bent down
and kissed her back.
Copy !req
328. She turned around,
took his head in both hands,
Copy !req
329. and gave him her breast.
Copy !req
330. The other boy got so excited
that he and I started all over again.
Copy !req
331. It was just as good
as before.
Copy !req
332. Then we went for a swim
and parted ways.
Copy !req
333. When I got home, Karl-Henrik
was already back from town.
Copy !req
334. We ate dinner and drank
some red wine he'd brought.
Copy !req
335. Then we had sex.
Copy !req
336. It's never been as good,
before or since.
Copy !req
337. Can you understand that?
Copy !req
338. I ended up pregnant,
of course.
Copy !req
339. Karl-Henrik,
who's studying medicine,
Copy !req
340. took me to a good friend of his,
who performed an abortion.
Copy !req
341. We were both relieved.
We didn't want children.
Copy !req
342. Not then, anyway.
Copy !req
343. It doesn't make any sense.
Copy !req
344. Nothing fits together.
Copy !req
345. And the guilty conscience
you feel over little things.
Copy !req
346. You understand?
Copy !req
347. And what about all the things
you'd decided to do?
Copy !req
348. Don't you have
to do them anymore?
Copy !req
349. Is it possible to be
Copy !req
350. one and the same person
at the very same time -
Copy !req
351. I mean, two people?
Copy !req
352. God, I'm being silly!
Copy !req
353. Anyway, there's no reason
to start blubbering.
Copy !req
354. I'll get a handkerchief.
Copy !req
355. It's almost morning...
Copy !req
356. and it's still raining.
Copy !req
357. I've been talking nonstop
Copy !req
358. while you've just listened.
Copy !req
359. How boring for you.
Copy !req
360. What could possibly
interest you about my life?
Copy !req
361. People should be like you.
Copy !req
362. You know what I thought
Copy !req
363. after I saw a film
of yours one night?
Copy !req
364. When I got home and looked
in the mirror, I thought,
Copy !req
365. "We look alike."
Copy !req
366. Don't get me wrong.
You're much more beautiful.
Copy !req
367. But we're alike somehow.
Copy !req
368. I think I could turn into you
if I really tried.
Copy !req
369. I mean inside.
Copy !req
370. You could be me
just like that...
Copy !req
371. though your soul
would be far too big.
Copy !req
372. It would stick out
everywhere!
Copy !req
373. Go to bed...
Copy !req
374. or you'll fall asleep
here at the table.
Copy !req
375. I must go to bed now
Copy !req
376. or I'll fall asleep
at the table,
Copy !req
377. and that would be
rather uncomfortable.
Copy !req
378. Good night.
Copy !req
379. Elisabet...
Copy !req
380. did you speak to me
last night?
Copy !req
381. Were you
in my room last night?
Copy !req
382. Shall I take your mail too?
Copy !req
383. Let me have a taste.
Copy !req
384. See ya.
Copy !req
385. "Dear friend,
I could live like this forever.
Copy !req
386. The silence, the seclusion,
reducing my needs,
Copy !req
387. feeling my battered soul finally
start to straighten itself out.
Copy !req
388. Alma pampers me
in the most touching way.
Copy !req
389. I think she's actually enjoying it here
and that she's very fond of me,
Copy !req
390. perhaps even a bit smitten
in a charming, subconscious way.
Copy !req
391. In any case,
it's a lot of fun studying her.
Copy !req
392. Sometimes she cries
over past sins -
Copy !req
393. an orgy with a strange boy
and a subsequent abortion.
Copy !req
394. She complains
that her notions about life
Copy !req
395. fail to accord with her actions."
Copy !req
396. I see
you're reading a play.
Copy !req
397. That's a healthy sign.
I'll tell the doctor.
Copy !req
398. You think we should
leave here soon?
Copy !req
399. I'm starting
to miss the city.
Copy !req
400. Aren't you?
Copy !req
401. Would you like
to make me really happy?
Copy !req
402. I know it's asking a lot,
but I could use your help right now.
Copy !req
403. Nothing dangerous.
Copy !req
404. But I do wish
you'd talk to me.
Copy !req
405. Doesn't have to be
anything special.
Copy !req
406. We could talk about anything -
what to have for dinner,
Copy !req
407. whether the water's
cold now after the storm,
Copy !req
408. whether it's too cold
to go swimming.
Copy !req
409. Just talk for a few minutes.
One minute.
Copy !req
410. You could read to me
from your book.
Copy !req
411. Just say a few words.
Copy !req
412. I have to try
not to get angry.
Copy !req
413. It's your business
if you want to keep quiet.
Copy !req
414. But I need you
to talk to me now.
Copy !req
415. Can't you just say
Copy !req
416. one word?
Copy !req
417. I knew you'd refuse.
Copy !req
418. You can't know how I feel.
Copy !req
419. I always thought great artists
Copy !req
420. felt this great compassion
for other people...
Copy !req
421. that they created
out of great compassion
Copy !req
422. and a need to help.
Copy !req
423. That was silly of me.
Copy !req
424. You've used me.
For what, I don't know.
Copy !req
425. Now that you don't need me
anymore, you toss me aside.
Copy !req
426. Yes, I hear perfectly well
how phony that sounds!
Copy !req
427. "You've used me, and now
you're tossing me aside."
Copy !req
428. But it's true - every word.
And these glasses!
Copy !req
429. You've hurt me badly.
Copy !req
430. You've been laughing at me
behind my back.
Copy !req
431. I read the letter
you wrote to the doctor.
Copy !req
432. It wasn't sealed,
and I read the whole thing.
Copy !req
433. You got me to talk,
Copy !req
434. to tell you things
I've never told anyone.
Copy !req
435. Then you go and pass it on.
Great study material, eh?
Copy !req
436. You're not -
Copy !req
437. You're going to talk now!
Copy !req
438. If you have something
to say, by God -
Copy !req
439. No, don't!
Copy !req
440. Scared there for a minute,
weren't you?
Copy !req
441. For a second you were
genuinely scared, weren't you?
Copy !req
442. A genuine
fear of death, huh?
Copy !req
443. "Alma's gone crazy,"
you thought.
Copy !req
444. Just what kind of person
are you anyway?
Copy !req
445. Or maybe you just thought,
"I'll remember that face,
Copy !req
446. that tone of voice,
that expression."
Copy !req
447. I'll give you something
you won't forget!
Copy !req
448. You're laughing, are you?
Copy !req
449. Things aren't
that simple for me.
Copy !req
450. Or so funny either.
Copy !req
451. But you always have
your laugh.
Copy !req
452. Does it have
to be like this?
Copy !req
453. Is it really so important
not to lie, to tell the truth,
Copy !req
454. to speak in a genuine
tone of voice?
Copy !req
455. Can a person really live
without babbling away,
Copy !req
456. without lying and making up
excuses and evading things?
Copy !req
457. Isn't it better
to just let yourself
Copy !req
458. be silly and sloppy
and dishonest?
Copy !req
459. Maybe a person gets better by just
letting herself be who she is.
Copy !req
460. No, you don't understand.
Copy !req
461. You don't understand
what I'm saying.
Copy !req
462. There's no reaching
someone like you.
Copy !req
463. The doctor said
you're mentally healthy,
Copy !req
464. but I wonder if your madness
isn't the worst kind.
Copy !req
465. You act healthy,
Copy !req
466. and the worst thing is,
everyone believes you.
Copy !req
467. Except me, because
I know how rotten you are.
Copy !req
468. God, what am I doing?
Copy !req
469. Elisabet, forgive me.
Copy !req
470. I'm behaving like an idiot.
Copy !req
471. I don't know what got into me.
I'm here to help you.
Copy !req
472. It was that awful letter.
Copy !req
473. I was so disappointed.
Copy !req
474. You asked me
to talk about myself.
Copy !req
475. It felt so good. You seemed
so kind and understanding.
Copy !req
476. I'd had a lot to drink,
Copy !req
477. and it felt so good
to talk about it all.
Copy !req
478. And I suppose
I was flattered
Copy !req
479. that a great actress like you
would bother to listen.
Copy !req
480. I even thought
it would be nice if what I said
Copy !req
481. were of some use to you.
Copy !req
482. But that's awful, isn't it?
Sheer exhibitionism.
Copy !req
483. Elisabet,
I want you to forgive me.
Copy !req
484. I like you so much.
You mean so much to me.
Copy !req
485. I've learned
so much from you.
Copy !req
486. Let's not part as enemies.
Copy !req
487. You won't forgive me
because you're too proud!
Copy !req
488. You won't stoop to my level
because you don't have to!
Copy !req
489. I won't...
Copy !req
490. we don't speak...
Copy !req
491. don't listen...
Copy !req
492. can't understand...
Copy !req
493. what means...
Copy !req
494. to persuade... to listen...
Copy !req
495. When you sleep,
your face goes slack...
Copy !req
496. and your mouth
is swollen and ugly.
Copy !req
497. There's a nasty wrinkle
on your forehead.
Copy !req
498. You smell
of sleep and tears...
Copy !req
499. and I can see
the pulse in your neck.
Copy !req
500. There's a scar there
that you cover with makeup.
Copy !req
501. He's calling again.
Copy !req
502. I'll find out
what he wants from us...
Copy !req
503. far away out here
in our solitude.
Copy !req
504. Sorry if I frightened you.
Copy !req
505. I'm not Elisabet.
Copy !req
506. I'm not here
to make demands.
Copy !req
507. I didn't mean to disturb you.
Copy !req
508. You think
I don't understand?
Copy !req
509. The doctor
explained everything.
Copy !req
510. But the hardest part
is explaining to your little boy.
Copy !req
511. I do the best I can.
Copy !req
512. There's something deeper down,
hard to get a grip on.
Copy !req
513. You love someone -
or rather, you say you do.
Copy !req
514. It's something tangible -
at least, as far as words can be.
Copy !req
515. Mr. Vogler,
I'm not your wife.
Copy !req
516. And you're loved as well.
Copy !req
517. You build a community.
Copy !req
518. It gives you security.
Copy !req
519. You see a possible way
of enduring, don't you?
Copy !req
520. How can I say everything
I've thought without getting lost...
Copy !req
521. without boring you?
Copy !req
522. I love you
as much as ever.
Copy !req
523. No, don't worry, my love.
Copy !req
524. We have each other.
We have faith in each other.
Copy !req
525. We know each other's thoughts.
We love each other.
Copy !req
526. - That's true, isn't it?
- Yes.
Copy !req
527. And it's the effort that counts,
not what we achieve, right?
Copy !req
528. To see each other
as children,
Copy !req
529. tormented, helpless,
lonely children.
Copy !req
530. Tell our little boy
Mommy will be back soon,
Copy !req
531. that Mommy's been ill,
but she longs for her little boy.
Copy !req
532. Remember to buy
a toy for him.
Copy !req
533. A present from Mommy.
Don't forget.
Copy !req
534. I feel such great
tenderness for you.
Copy !req
535. It's almost unbearable.
Copy !req
536. I don't know what to do
with my tenderness.
Copy !req
537. I thrive on your tenderness.
Copy !req
538. Elisabet, is it good
for you with me?
Copy !req
539. Is it good for you?
Copy !req
540. You're a wonderful lover.
You know that.
Copy !req
541. Darling!
Copy !req
542. Give me a sedative.
Copy !req
543. Toss me aside.
I can't go on!
Copy !req
544. My darling...
Copy !req
545. Leave me alone!
Copy !req
546. This is shameful, all of it!
Copy !req
547. Leave me alone!
Copy !req
548. I'm cold and rotten
and indifferent.
Copy !req
549. It's all just a sham and lies!
Copy !req
550. What have you got there?
Copy !req
551. What are you hiding
under your hand?
Copy !req
552. Let me see.
Copy !req
553. It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.
Copy !req
554. We have to talk about this.
Copy !req
555. Tell me now, Elisabet.
Copy !req
556. Then I will.
Copy !req
557. It happened at a party one night,
didn't it?
Copy !req
558. It was late, and the party
was quite rowdy.
Copy !req
559. Toward morning someone
in the group said to you...
Copy !req
560. "Elisabet, you have
practically everything
Copy !req
561. as a woman
and as an artist,
Copy !req
562. but you lack motherliness."
Copy !req
563. You laughed,
thinking it was ridiculous,
Copy !req
564. but later you found yourself
thinking about what he'd said.
Copy !req
565. You grew
more and more worried...
Copy !req
566. so you let your husband
get you pregnant.
Copy !req
567. You wanted
to be a mother.
Copy !req
568. When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid -
Copy !req
569. afraid of responsibility,
of being tied down,
Copy !req
570. of leaving
the theater behind,
Copy !req
571. afraid of pain,
afraid of dying,
Copy !req
572. afraid of your body
that was swelling up.
Copy !req
573. But you played
the part the whole time,
Copy !req
574. the part of the young,
happy, expectant mother.
Copy !req
575. Everyone said,
"Isn't she beautiful now?
Copy !req
576. She's never been
so beautiful."
Copy !req
577. Meanwhile you tried
several times to abort.
Copy !req
578. But you failed.
Copy !req
579. When you realized
it was inevitable,
Copy !req
580. you began
to hate the baby
Copy !req
581. and hoped
it would be stillborn.
Copy !req
582. You hoped
the baby would be dead.
Copy !req
583. You wanted a dead baby.
Copy !req
584. It was a long
and difficult delivery.
Copy !req
585. You were in agony
for days.
Copy !req
586. The baby was finally
delivered with forceps.
Copy !req
587. You looked with disgust at your
squealing child and whispered,
Copy !req
588. "Can't you just die?
Can't you die?"
Copy !req
589. But he survived.
Copy !req
590. The boy cried
day and night...
Copy !req
591. and you hated him.
Copy !req
592. You were afraid.
You had a guilty conscience.
Copy !req
593. In the end,
some relatives and a nanny
Copy !req
594. took care of the boy,
Copy !req
595. and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.
Copy !req
596. But the suffering wasn't over.
Copy !req
597. The boy was seized
Copy !req
598. by a vast, unfathomable love
for his mother.
Copy !req
599. You resist.
Copy !req
600. You resist desperately,
Copy !req
601. because you feel
you can't return that love.
Copy !req
602. You try and try...
Copy !req
603. but your encounters with him
are cruel and awkward.
Copy !req
604. You can't do it.
Copy !req
605. You're cold and indifferent.
Copy !req
606. And he looks at you.
Copy !req
607. He loves you,
and he's so soft,
Copy !req
608. and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.
Copy !req
609. You find him repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly body
Copy !req
610. and his moist, pleading eyes.
Copy !req
611. You find him repulsive,
and you're afraid.
Copy !req
612. What have you got there?
Copy !req
613. What are you hiding
under your hand?
Copy !req
614. Let me see.
Copy !req
615. It's the picture of your little boy,
the one you tore up.
Copy !req
616. We have to talk about this.
Copy !req
617. Tell me now, Elisabet.
Copy !req
618. Then I will.
Copy !req
619. It happened at a party one night,
didn't it?
Copy !req
620. It was late, and the party
was quite rowdy.
Copy !req
621. Toward morning someone
in the group said to you...
Copy !req
622. "Elisabet, you have
practically everything
Copy !req
623. as a woman
and as an artist,
Copy !req
624. but you lack motherliness."
Copy !req
625. You laughed,
thinking it was ridiculous,
Copy !req
626. but later you found yourself
thinking about what he'd said.
Copy !req
627. You grew
more and more worried...
Copy !req
628. so you let your husband
get you pregnant.
Copy !req
629. You wanted
to be a mother.
Copy !req
630. When you knew it was definite,
you became afraid -
Copy !req
631. afraid of responsibility,
of being tied down,
Copy !req
632. of leaving
the theater behind,
Copy !req
633. afraid of pain,
afraid of dying,
Copy !req
634. afraid of your body
that was swelling up.
Copy !req
635. But you played
the part the whole time,
Copy !req
636. the part of the young,
happy, expectant mother.
Copy !req
637. Everyone said,
"Isn't she beautiful now?
Copy !req
638. She's never been
so beautiful."
Copy !req
639. Meanwhile you tried
several times to abort.
Copy !req
640. But you failed.
Copy !req
641. When you realized
it was inevitable...
Copy !req
642. you began
to hate the baby...
Copy !req
643. and hoped
it would be stillborn.
Copy !req
644. You hoped
the baby would be dead.
Copy !req
645. You wanted a dead baby.
Copy !req
646. It was a long
and difficult delivery.
Copy !req
647. You were in agony
for days.
Copy !req
648. The baby was finally
delivered with forceps.
Copy !req
649. You looked with disgust at your
squealing child and whispered,
Copy !req
650. "Can't you just die?
Copy !req
651. Can't you die?"
Copy !req
652. The boy cried
day and night,
Copy !req
653. and you hated him.
Copy !req
654. You were afraid.
You had a guilty conscience.
Copy !req
655. In the end,
some relatives and a nanny
Copy !req
656. took care of the boy,
Copy !req
657. and you could leave your sickbed
and return to the theater.
Copy !req
658. But the suffering wasn't over.
Copy !req
659. The boy was seized
Copy !req
660. by a vast, unfathomable love
for his mother.
Copy !req
661. You resist desperately,
Copy !req
662. because you feel
you can't return that love.
Copy !req
663. You try and try...
Copy !req
664. but your encounters with him
are cruel and awkward.
Copy !req
665. You can't do it.
Copy !req
666. You're cold and indifferent.
Copy !req
667. And he looks at you.
Copy !req
668. He loves you,
and he's so soft,
Copy !req
669. and you want to hit him
for not leaving you alone.
Copy !req
670. You find him repulsive,
with his thick lips and ugly body
Copy !req
671. and his moist, pleading eyes.
Copy !req
672. You find him repulsive,
and you're afraid.
Copy !req
673. No!
Copy !req
674. I'm not like you.
Copy !req
675. I don't feel
the same way you do.
Copy !req
676. I'm Sister Alma.
I'm only here to help you.
Copy !req
677. I'm not Elisabet Vogler.
Copy !req
678. You're Elisabet Vogler.
Copy !req
679. I'd really like to have -
Copy !req
680. I love -
Copy !req
681. I haven't -
Copy !req
682. I've learned quite a lot.
Copy !req
683. Let's see how long
I can hold out.
Copy !req
684. I'll never be like you.
I change all the time.
Copy !req
685. You can do what you want.
You won't get to me.
Copy !req
686. Say nothing.
Copy !req
687. Cut a candle.
Copy !req
688. A kind of otherness.
Copy !req
689. Not now. No, no.
Copy !req
690. Warning and outside time.
Copy !req
691. Unforeseen.
Copy !req
692. When it was supposed to happen,
it didn't, so... failure.
Copy !req
693. You stand there,
Copy !req
694. but I should do it.
Copy !req
695. Not inward, no.
Copy !req
696. Say collect
and advise others.
Copy !req
697. A desperate maybe.
Copy !req
698. I take, yes...
but what is closest?
Copy !req
699. What's it called?
Copy !req
700. No, no, no.
Copy !req
701. Us, we, me, I.
Copy !req
702. Many words
and then disgust,
Copy !req
703. unbearable pain,
the nausea.
Copy !req
704. Try and listen to me now.
Copy !req
705. Repeat after me.
Copy !req
706. Nothing.
Copy !req
707. Nothing.
Copy !req
708. No, nothing.
Copy !req
709. Nothing.
Copy !req
710. That's it.
Copy !req
711. That's good.
Copy !req
712. That's how it should be.
Copy !req
713. DIGITALLY RESTORED IN 2011
Copy !req