1. Mr. Marcus Skinner,Copy !req
2. care of the English
Department, Stanford University.Copy !req
3. Dear Mr. Skinner,Copy !req
4. my name is Shaun Brumder,
and I think you are a total genius.Copy !req
5. I live in California, in a
place called Orange County.Copy !req
6. A year ago, I was just
another Orange County surfer,Copy !req
7. spending my days at the beach
with my buddies...Copy !req
8. playing volleyball...Copy !req
9. - Whack it, Shaun!
- Yeah!Copy !req
10. And spending my nights
around a bonfire, partying.Copy !req
11. School was always
a walk for me.Copy !req
12. I did pretty well,
without trying too hard.Copy !req
13. Hey brother, there's a tropical storm three
miles off Laguna. Let's go, dude! Surf's up!Copy !req
14. - But I was easily distracted.
- What about next period?Copy !req
15. Twenty-footers, man!
Screw your period!Copy !req
16. Twenty-footers!Copy !req
17. Then, last April,Copy !req
18. me and my crew drove out
to Emerald CoveCopy !req
19. to catch some major
tsunami waves.Copy !req
20. I don't know,
you guys.Copy !req
21. Dude!
Face the fear!Copy !req
22. This is intense!Copy !req
23. Ya-hoo!Copy !req
24. Righteous.Copy !req
25. Lonny always said
that he wanted to dieCopy !req
26. eating foam
in a massive wipeout.Copy !req
27. - But I bet he's up in heaven right now.
- After Lonny drowned,Copy !req
28. I did some heavy meditating...
I thought,Copy !req
29. "Maybe there's more to life than
extreme sports and trying to get laid.Copy !req
30. Maybe there's a bigger
purpose for me,Copy !req
31. and I've just been
too high to figure it out."Copy !req
32. I was sitting on the beach,
totally cogitating.Copy !req
33. I looked down,
and there, in the sand,Copy !req
34. was a copy of your book.Copy !req
35. It was like a sign.Copy !req
36. Like your book
was calling out to me.Copy !req
37. "Read me."Copy !req
38. For the next few days,
I read it from cover to cover.Copy !req
39. Your book totally captured
what's it's like to be a teenager.Copy !req
40. The excitement,
the confusion, the horniness.Copy !req
41. Sometimes I laughed so hard, I
thought I was going to puke and die.Copy !req
42. And other times, I cried.Copy !req
43. - Shaun? Are you okay?
- It's just so sad!Copy !req
44. I read your book
52 times that month,Copy !req
45. and I finally realized what
I wanted to do with my life:Copy !req
46. I want to be a writer.Copy !req
47. I've been writing ever since.
It's all I ever do.Copy !req
48. All day and all night,
sometimes.Copy !req
49. It was hard to get going,
but once I did,Copy !req
50. I couldn't stop.Copy !req
51. I'm like a machine,
and nothing else matters.Copy !req
52. Guys,
I'm sellin' my board.Copy !req
53. - Dude! No.
- I don't have time to surf.Copy !req
54. - I need to focus on my writing.
- Huh? What?Copy !req
55. My friends think
I've lost my mind.Copy !req
56. - He's lost his mind.
- Let's get lit and jump off the roof of my house.Copy !req
57. Now you're talkin'.Copy !req
58. I need some feedback, and
there's no one here to help me.Copy !req
59. Got your story here,
Shaun. Wow.Copy !req
60. I had the sneaking suspicion
that my English teacher is illiterate.Copy !req
61. Uh, I noticed you used
a lot of big words.Copy !req
62. Nice. Good for you.Copy !req
63. It was a little long, so I
didn't read the whole thing,Copy !req
64. but who cares,
'cause I gave you an A.Copy !req
65. My brother LanceCopy !req
66. is perpetually recovering
from the night before.Copy !req
67. I'm sorry.
I don't feel good.Copy !req
68. My girlfriend is the only one
who's actually read my work,Copy !req
69. but she's always so positive,
it's hard to take her seriously.Copy !req
70. - It's like the best story I've ever read.
- Really?Copy !req
71. It's funny and original.Copy !req
72. I mean, I think
it could be a movie.Copy !req
73. I don't know if Orange County's the
best environment for an aspiring writer.Copy !req
74. So I'm applying to Stanford,
to study with you.Copy !req
75. You are a shoo-in.Copy !req
76. Do you think I should apply
to some safety schools?Copy !req
77. No need.
Don't you be a scaredy-cat.Copy !req
78. There's no doubt in my mind
that you're gonna go to Berkeley.Copy !req
79. - Stanford.
- Yes, Stanford is where you're going, mister.Copy !req
80. I'm sending you
a copy of my story.Copy !req
81. Hopefully, with
your wisdom and guidance,Copy !req
82. I will one day
be a real writer.Copy !req
83. I look forward to seeing you
in the fall, Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
84. Your greatest admirer,
Shaun Brumder.Copy !req
85. Watch it, man.Copy !req
86. What are you doing,
lying here?Copy !req
87. Oh, my parole officer wants to give
me a drug test, and I need your urine.Copy !req
88. Could I score
some of your piss?Copy !req
89. - Yeah.
- Awesome, man.Copy !req
90. Bob?Copy !req
91. Bob, are you okay?Copy !req
92. - Mom.
- Hey, Mom!Copy !req
93. - What?
- Somethin's wrong with Bob.Copy !req
94. - Did you feed him his pills today?
- I don't know.Copy !req
95. - Is he okay?
- No.Copy !req
96. You gotta remember to
feed him his pills, Mom.Copy !req
97. Lupe! Did you
give Bob his pills?Copy !req
98. I'm not a nurse.Copy !req
99. Shaun, you've got to
get rid of her right now.Copy !req
100. Okay, baby?
She has a bad attitude.Copy !req
101. And she's...
You stole my palm pilot.Copy !req
102. You did!
Admit it.Copy !req
103. - That's it.
- No, you did.Copy !req
104. Yeah.
It's over.Copy !req
105. What? What, Shaun, what
happened? What'd she say?Copy !req
106. She's sorry.Copy !req
107. And she thinks you're
an incredible lady.Copy !req
108. Listen, Mom, when the mail
comes, will you call me on my cell?Copy !req
109. 'Cause I'm supposed to
hear from Stanford today.Copy !req
110. Oh, come on.
Don't get upset, Mom!Copy !req
111. All right? You knew this
day was gonna come.Copy !req
112. I'm just going to college. It's
not like I'm leaving the planet!Copy !req
113. - Mom, get a grip!
- No! I won't. I'm going back to bed.Copy !req
114. - Shaun, check this out. You gotta check this out.
- Dude, Chad is such a mooch.Copy !req
115. - Don't call me a punk. Don't call me a punk.
- You're a punk!Copy !req
116. - Who paid for parking? Who paid?
- Cause "stinge-king" over here...Copy !req
117. I don't remember you paying
for anything in your sorry life.Copy !req
118. Yeah, of course you don't
remember when someone else pays.Copy !req
119. - Whenever you pay, it's "stop the press."
- You guys know it's April 15th?Copy !req
120. A year ago today,
Lonny died.Copy !req
121. - No way, dude. That's true.
- Whoa.Copy !req
122. Can't believe it's been
a whole year.Copy !req
123. Well, I was thinkin' that, you know,
maybe we should do something.Copy !req
124. - In his memory.
- Yeah.Copy !req
125. We should pull a killer prank. We
should go jump off something, dudes.Copy !req
126. Yeah, bro,
or blow something up.Copy !req
127. Maybe we should go on down to Emerald Cove
and have a little surf in Lonny's memory.Copy !req
128. Dude, Shaun doesn't
surf anymore, stupid.Copy !req
129. Oh, yeah. I forgot, he doesn't
surf or skate or pick his butt, dude.Copy !req
130. Principal Harbert,
as you may know,Copy !req
131. there was an oil spill last
week, off the coast of Redondo?Copy !req
132. And today's paper just says hundreds
of seagulls have been affected.Copy !req
133. So I propose a school-sponsored
fund-raiserCopy !req
134. with all the proceeds going to
the seagull rehabilitation fund.Copy !req
135. As the community service leader,
I think we would be morally remissCopy !req
136. - if we did nothing for these seagulls.
- Fine.Copy !req
137. One more.
Last one.Copy !req
138. After this, we'll let all sick
and endangered animals dieCopy !req
139. horrible deaths.Copy !req
140. Agreed? Now, people,
June is just around the corner.Copy !req
141. Let's talk graduation
speakers. Ideas?Copy !req
142. Toni Morrison. She's in town that
same weekend for a book-signing.Copy !req
143. She's won the Nobel prize.Copy !req
144. Interesting.
Dana?Copy !req
145. Didn't you say you have a cousin
who's friends with Britney Spears?Copy !req
146. Yeah. Best friends.Copy !req
147. Now, when I say Romeo
and Juliet, who comes to mind?Copy !req
148. - Dana?
- Claire Danes.Copy !req
149. That's right. Claire
Danes. Who else?Copy !req
150. - Leonardo DiCaprio.
- Right. Who else?Copy !req
151. You know, someone else
was involved in that movieCopy !req
152. who in some ways is as famous
as Leonardo DiCaprio.Copy !req
153. And his name's
William Shakespeare.Copy !req
154. And some great movies
are based on his plays.Copy !req
155. Hamlet.
West Side Story.Copy !req
156. Talented Mr. Ripley.
Waterworld.Copy !req
157. Gladiator.
Chocolat.Copy !req
158. Mr. Burke.Copy !req
159. As you know, my boyfriend
drowned in a surfing accident.Copy !req
160. I don't think I can handle
Romeo and Juliet right now.Copy !req
161. - Emotionally.
- Tanya, Lonny died a year ago.Copy !req
162. Well, sometimes it takes decades
to recover from a tragedy like this.Copy !req
163. You only went out with him
for two weeks!Copy !req
164. - Tanya, your mom's outside. You got into Stanford!
- Oh!Copy !req
165. - Hello?
- Hey, Lance, can you do me a favor?Copy !req
166. - Who are you lookin' for?
- It's Shaun!Copy !req
167. Shaun, pick up the phone!Copy !req
168. He's not here.Copy !req
169. What?Copy !req
170. Lance, will you please just go to
the door and tell me if the mail's there.Copy !req
171. - I'm begging you.
- Fine. Fine.Copy !req
172. Do I have to
turn on your computer?Copy !req
173. No, no, no, no, no.
No. Just go to the front door.Copy !req
174. The mail would be
in the mailbox.Copy !req
175. Okay. You owe me one, buddy.Copy !req
176. Yeah, it's here.Copy !req
177. Today's the big day, Gary.Copy !req
178. Look at me. I'm naked!Copy !req
179. Lance! Where is it?Copy !req
180. - Gotta be in top physical condition...
- Come on!Copy !req
181. - Where is it? Come on. Where's the mail?
- I don't know.Copy !req
182. - Are you sittin' on it?
- No! Oh, dude, I see it. On the floor.Copy !req
183. Push him!Copy !req
184. Bob? Bob,
I'm moving your chair.Copy !req
185. This is it.Copy !req
186. This is my future, right
here in this envelope.Copy !req
187. Hey!
You're blockin' the tube!Copy !req
188. Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
189. "We regret to inform you that your
application to Stanford UniversityCopy !req
190. was not accepted."Copy !req
191. Wait. What?
Wh...Copy !req
192. I didn't get in?Copy !req
193. I didn't get in?
Wh... uh... bu...Copy !req
194. I don't get it!Copy !req
195. No. I don't underst...
I w...Copy !req
196. You're overreacting, dude.Copy !req
197. I didn't get into college,
and check me out!Copy !req
198. - I'm kick-ass.
- Shaun. Shaun?Copy !req
199. What's wrong?Copy !req
200. Something horrible
has happened.Copy !req
201. Is Bob dead?
Did something break?Copy !req
202. I got rejected
from Stanford.Copy !req
203. Oh. Oh, Shaun.Copy !req
204. Oh, baby, I'm sorry.Copy !req
205. Aw, it's okay!
I'm so sorry!Copy !req
206. You're just going to have to go
somewhere closer to home. That's all.Copy !req
207. And you get to keep
living here, with Lance...Copy !req
208. And Bob and me.Copy !req
209. Okay. And are you
a student here?Copy !req
210. Yes, I'm a student here. I'm Shaun
Brumder. I'm the class president.Copy !req
211. And you didn't get into
Stanford? Too bad. Tough break.Copy !req
212. Where else did you apply?Copy !req
213. Nowhere. You told me
I was a shoo-in.Copy !req
214. Nowhere? Not even
a safety school?Copy !req
215. - You said, "Shoo-in."
- Let's calm down. Let's see what we can do.Copy !req
216. I'm just gonna
pull up your file.Copy !req
217. Well, looks here like
your GPA Is what, 2.5,Copy !req
218. and your SATs
combined are 940?Copy !req
219. No.
No, that's low.Copy !req
220. 940? No. No, no, no,
no, no. I had a 1520.Copy !req
221. No, it says 940.Copy !req
222. That's not my transcript. That-that's
Shane Brainard's transcript.Copy !req
223. - And you are?
- Shaun Brumder.Copy !req
224. No. No.Copy !req
225. You didn't.Copy !req
226. You couldn't have!Copy !req
227. You sent in
the wrong transcript?Copy !req
228. - What's up, Shane?
- You guys. I got into Stanford!Copy !req
229. - Cool.
- I applied as a joke and they let me in!Copy !req
230. I'm freakin' out!Copy !req
231. - No, I didn't. No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did. Yes, you did!Copy !req
232. You just don't throw accusations
around here. This is nobody's fault.Copy !req
233. Yes, it is!
It's your fault!Copy !req
234. You know you're
screeching at me?Copy !req
235. Because you are a moron.
Now, listen to me, lady...Copy !req
236. Code red! Code red! Co...
call 9-1-1. Code red! Call 9-1-1!Copy !req
237. Hey!
Watch it!Copy !req
238. Tanya! I got into...
Yale.Copy !req
239. I gotta get
outta here.Copy !req
240. I gotta get
outta Orange County.Copy !req
241. Shaun?
Where are you going?Copy !req
242. I'm going to my dad's.Copy !req
243. All right.
I'm gonna go in there,Copy !req
244. and I'm gonna say to my dad
that he abandoned our family,Copy !req
245. and if he wants
to make it up to me,Copy !req
246. well then, he can start now by
making a massive donation to Stanford.Copy !req
247. Shaun. Okay. Remember when all
the sea lions kept beaching themselvesCopy !req
248. in Corona Del Mar, and nobody
was doing anything about it?Copy !req
249. Well, me getting all
hysterical didn't help anything.Copy !req
250. This is it, Ashley.Copy !req
251. I'm gonna tell my dad
that I wanna be a writer.Copy !req
252. Hey!Copy !req
253. Good luck.Copy !req
254. Thanks.Copy !req
255. - Who are you?
- I'm Shaun.Copy !req
256. I'm your brother.
What are you suckin' on?Copy !req
257. - My poody.
- Well, aren't you a little old for a poody?Copy !req
258. - Bam!
- Jake!Copy !req
259. What did you just do?Copy !req
260. Go pick up your poody or you're
gonna get a time-out, mister.Copy !req
261. No!Copy !req
262. - Pick up your poody!
- No!Copy !req
263. That's it!
Rosa?Copy !req
264. Take Jake upstairs and
give him some Ritalin.Copy !req
265. - I don't like your attitude!
- "I don't like your attitude."Copy !req
266. Isn't he getting big?Copy !req
267. So what's up with you?Copy !req
268. You look great.
Really filled out.Copy !req
269. Your arms.
And your chest.Copy !req
270. - You been workin' out?
- No.Copy !req
271. Bud is getting so fat.Copy !req
272. You should really
talk to him.Copy !req
273. He's gonna have
a heart attack.Copy !req
274. Plus, he's fat.Copy !req
275. Goddamn it!
Are you trying to ruin me?Copy !req
276. - Yeah, where is my dad?
- If you do this, I will eat your face!Copy !req
277. Come, my lady. Come, come, my
lady. You're my butterfly, sugar, baby.Copy !req
278. My lady...Copy !req
279. - Oh, puppy! Oh, God!
- Oh my God, puppy!Copy !req
280. A writer? What do
you have to write about?Copy !req
281. You're not
oppressed, you're not gay.Copy !req
282. - Not all writers are gay.
- Yeah, well, they're all poor. I can tell you that.Copy !req
283. It's not true. Wh-what about Tom
Clancy? Steven King. Anne Rice.Copy !req
284. Three people!
In the history of literature!Copy !req
285. Well, the truth is, I don't
care about making money.Copy !req
286. Sh...Copy !req
287. Shaun, I have a burst
blood vessel in my brain.Copy !req
288. I could die
at any moment.Copy !req
289. But I keep plugging away,
day after day, becauseCopy !req
290. I want to leave you with
something special... a business.Copy !req
291. - Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. I want my poody.
- A legacy!Copy !req
292. Uh, hey, pal, control yourself.
Can you... give me that!Copy !req
293. - Ha, ha. I want my poody!
- Where's your mother?Copy !req
294. - Rosa!
- Will you get in here?Copy !req
295. - Wham!
- Oh, no.Copy !req
296. - Yeah, I'm coming!
- Rosa, can you get him out of here?Copy !req
297. - He needs a nap.
- Come here, Jake.Copy !req
298. I want him
to learn some limits.Copy !req
299. Uh, Shaun?Copy !req
300. This is my life's work here. When I
started out, I had nothing. Now look at me.Copy !req
301. I've got eight and a half million
square feet in Irvine alone.Copy !req
302. It's a goddamn empire,
and I want to leave it to you.Copy !req
303. - Wham!
- This is the life I want for you.Copy !req
304. Yeah, but what about
what I want?Copy !req
305. You want to be a writer? Well, before that,
you wanted to be a professional surfer,Copy !req
306. so it's a little hard
to take you seriously, Shaun.Copy !req
307. Fine.
I don't want your money.Copy !req
308. But just for the record, Dad,
you've never done anything for me.Copy !req
309. It's always been
about you.Copy !req
310. What the f...Copy !req
311. It's over. I should just drive my car
into the ocean and get it over with.Copy !req
312. Shaun, don't say that.Copy !req
313. He was running across PCH.
He didn't have a tag.Copy !req
314. Was I gonna
leave him there? No.Copy !req
315. I mean, he'd get killed.Copy !req
316. Shaun, I have
something to confess.Copy !req
317. - What?
- You know how you told me that every nightCopy !req
318. before you'd go to bed, you'd
pray that you'd get into Stanford?Copy !req
319. Yeah?Copy !req
320. - Well, the other night, I prayed for something too.
- What?Copy !req
321. I prayed... That you
wouldn't get into Stanford.Copy !req
322. Why?Copy !req
323. - I didn't really think it was gonna work!
- Aww.Copy !req
324. And I was just sitting here thinking,
"Whoa. My prayer was answered.Copy !req
325. And I should be happy."
I mean, I got into OCU,Copy !req
326. and now maybe you can
go to OCU too.Copy !req
327. And you can study creative writing, and I can
study marine biology, and we can be together.Copy !req
328. But then I just started
feeling really guilty.Copy !req
329. I mean, this was your dream.Copy !req
330. And I'm just being selfish.Copy !req
331. - I just feel awful.
- No.Copy !req
332. Ashley, this is
not your fault.Copy !req
333. Well, I at least want to try
and make it up to you.Copy !req
334. Thanks, but I really don't think
there's anything you can do.Copy !req
335. Well, maybe there is. Tanya's
grandfather is on the board at Stanford.Copy !req
336. And Tanya's my friend.
So maybe she can help us.Copy !req
337. My grandfather is not gonna bend
over backwards for just anyone.Copy !req
338. Tanya, please?
Can't you just help us?Copy !req
339. Can't you see I'm busy?Copy !req
340. Why don't you go check on the
dog? Give him some water, okay?Copy !req
341. I'll take care of this.Copy !req
342. Tanya.Copy !req
343. We need to have
a little chat.Copy !req
344. Excuse me.Copy !req
345. Look, Shaun's my boyfriend.
And I would do anything for him.Copy !req
346. Even if that means
breaking a promise to you.Copy !req
347. - What promise?
- Halloween? Dana's little brother?Copy !req
348. - Everyone knows about that.
- Maybe.Copy !req
349. But they don't know
about Lonny's memorial.Copy !req
350. I miss Lonny.Copy !req
351. Me too.Copy !req
352. Hey, I miss Lonny too.Copy !req
353. - But, Ashley, you promised.
- And what about prom night?Copy !req
354. Hi, Grammy.
It's Tanya.Copy !req
355. Hi, how are you?
Yeah, is Grandpa there?Copy !req
356. You are so awesome.Copy !req
357. - But hey, we should go.
- Yeah.Copy !req
358. - Tanya's grandfather wants to meet you in person.
- I want to meet him.Copy !req
359. Yeah, he and his wife are
gonna come by your house at 5:00.Copy !req
360. - My house?
- Yeah!Copy !req
361. Do you know
who lives at my house?Copy !req
362. Yeah, that's right, Lupe.
Just cover his whole head.Copy !req
363. Who are you?Copy !req
364. I'm your wife.
Cindy?Copy !req
365. - We met in Maui?
- Hey, Shaun, look!Copy !req
366. Bob's still bleeding.Copy !req
367. - What's this? Ow, what is...
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
368. Oh, he likes you.
Yes!Copy !req
369. - We found him on PCH. Um-hmm.
- Get him out of the house.Copy !req
370. - I don't allow dogs in here.
- Oh, but he's so swee...Copy !req
371. - Call the humane society.
- They'll have him put to sleep.Copy !req
372. Hey, Ash, don't you think we should put
out some cheese and crackers or something?Copy !req
373. - God, they're gonna be here in, like, 15 minutes.
- Yeah, I know.Copy !req
374. - Wh-who's coming?
- Mom, you...Copy !req
375. You might want to
put on something more...Copy !req
376. - You know.
- More what?Copy !req
377. More what?
What's going on?Copy !req
378. Shaun, what's going...
What's happening?Copy !req
379. Okay. Sit down.
Sit down. Okay?Copy !req
380. Just sit.
Don't be nervous,Copy !req
381. but someone very important
is coming over to the house.Copy !req
382. And he's bringing his wife. And if he
likes me, he's gonna get me into Stanford.Copy !req
383. - Are they coming over now?
- Yeah. They're gonna be here in a couple of minutes.Copy !req
384. Shaun,
the house is a mess.Copy !req
385. And Bob is bleeding. And you cannot
expect me to drop everything I'm doingCopy !req
386. and just entertain
these strangers!Copy !req
387. Drop what?
What were you doing?Copy !req
388. - Uh, I...
- Look,Copy !req
389. This is my last chance
to get into Stanford.Copy !req
390. I know, honey, and...
It's not a good day for me.Copy !req
391. - But I have to go to college!
- Why?Copy !req
392. Because that's what you do
after high school!Copy !req
393. Please don't do this to me,
all right?Copy !req
394. Please don't sabotage me, because
every time I try to depend on you,Copy !req
395. - you start acting like a total lunatic!
- Oh, Shaun.Copy !req
396. Mom?Copy !req
397. Mom?
I'm sorry.Copy !req
398. So, uh... so now
I'm a bad mother?Copy !req
399. No. No, you're not. Will you
please just put on some clothes?Copy !req
400. I sacrificed
a lot for you, Shaun.Copy !req
401. I sacrificed Damian
for you.Copy !req
402. - Your tennis instructor?
- He was beautiful!Copy !req
403. And Serbian. And when your
father left, I almost married him.Copy !req
404. And if I had, we'd be living in a condo
clipping coupons and eating lunch meat.Copy !req
405. So, I didn't.
I married Bob!Copy !req
406. For you. I had sex with
Bob. Four times. For you!Copy !req
407. So how can you say
I'm a bad mother?Copy !req
408. I'm not saying that. Mom, you
know that money can't buy happiness.Copy !req
409. Oh, grow up.
Yes, it can!Copy !req
410. - You and dad both have money, and you're both miserable.
- He's miserable?Copy !req
411. - Shaun, did he say that?
- Mom,Copy !req
412. this is the most decisive day
of my life.Copy !req
413. And all I am asking for
is one hour.Copy !req
414. One hour w-with no big scenes, and no nervous
breakdowns and no Meryl Streep impressions.Copy !req
415. Just one hour where you act
like a normal, loving parent.Copy !req
416. - Can you do this for me?
- Oh, Shaun.Copy !req
417. Yes, I can.Copy !req
418. Thank you, Mom.Copy !req
419. But I'll need a glass of wine.
There's some chardonnay in the fridge.Copy !req
420. O-o-okay!Copy !req
421. I'll be right back.
Don't move!Copy !req
422. - Oh, Ash, I am really nervous.
- Don't be.Copy !req
423. Everything's gonna be fine!Copy !req
424. They're early!Copy !req
425. Lance. Lance!Copy !req
426. Some very important people are coming
over to the house, so stay in your room.Copy !req
427. - Why?
- Because you're an embarrassment.Copy !req
428. Oh, okay.Copy !req
429. - "Shaun."
- Shaun. Shaun.Copy !req
430. - Mom, they're here!
- I-I look like a pinata.Copy !req
431. Yeah, you look great.
Just remember what I said.Copy !req
432. No big drunken scenes,
okay?Copy !req
433. - Yeah.
- Okay, Lupe is with Bob. Lance is in his room...Copy !req
434. And mom is dressed.Copy !req
435. - How do I look?
- Very handsome.Copy !req
436. Now just be yourself.Copy !req
437. - Okay. Okay. Come on!
- Okay.Copy !req
438. - You must be Shaun.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir, Mr. Gantner. Please come in.Copy !req
439. Mrs. Gantner. Thank
you so much for coming.Copy !req
440. - This is my girlfriend, uh, Ashley.
- Hi.Copy !req
441. - Hello, Ashley.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
442. - You're friends with Tanya.
- Tanya's very upset by your situation.Copy !req
443. I don't like it when
my granddaughter is upset.Copy !req
444. Tanya has Arthur wrapped
around her little finger.Copy !req
445. - That's right.
- Hello! Hello!Copy !req
446. Hello! Oops.
Hi, I'm Cindy Almond-Buegler.Copy !req
447. - Hello, I'm Arthur Gantner. My wife, Vera.
- How do you do?Copy !req
448. Hello. Welcome!Copy !req
449. Excuse me!Copy !req
450. Won't you please, uh,
make yourselves at home.Copy !req
451. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you, thank you, thank you.Copy !req
452. Thank you.Copy !req
453. - So, Shaun, tell us about yourself.
- Uh...Copy !req
454. Well, uh, I'm
a National Merit Scholar.Copy !req
455. Straight "A" student,Copy !req
456. and I want
to be a writer.Copy !req
457. Do you like John Grisham?
I sure do.Copy !req
458. Shaun's also our
class president,Copy !req
459. and he was the representative
at our model UN.Copy !req
460. - Hmm!
- Yeah, he's a fabulous kid, Mr. Gantner.Copy !req
461. Arthur, please.
Call me Arthur.Copy !req
462. Even as a little boy, he was
so smart! I miss those days.Copy !req
463. Yeah, the last few years
have been, um, really hard.Copy !req
464. I helped my former husband
start his business.Copy !req
465. And as soon as he gets a little
money, he starts screwin' around on me.Copy !req
466. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
467. He left me for a 20-year-old
he met at the gym.Copy !req
468. Yeah.Copy !req
469. I walked in on them in a motel
in La Jolla. She's got him nakedCopy !req
470. and handcuffed to the bed.Copy !req
471. So we divorced,
I remarried.Copy !req
472. Then, this new one,
uh, Bob,Copy !req
473. he starts
fallin' apart, and...Copy !req
474. Then it's just... One
shitstorm after the other.Copy !req
475. Shaun! Let us in!Copy !req
476. - Yo, bro!
- What's up, dude?Copy !req
477. - We heard you tried to kill Mrs. Cobb.
- Shh!Copy !req
478. Yeah. Dude! Are you on
a violent rampage, dude?Copy !req
479. You guys,
what do you want?Copy !req
480. - All right.
- All right, bro. Check it out.Copy !req
481. We thought, in Lonny's memory, right?
We could go down to Emerald Cove,Copy !req
482. and we could take his board,
and we could like, push itCopy !req
483. - out into the ocean.
- Yeah. Or blow it up.Copy !req
484. - Right.
- Dudes, it sounds like a great idea, all right?Copy !req
485. And I'll do it, but I can't right now,
because I got some very important people over.Copy !req
486. So...Copy !req
487. - More important than us, huh?
- No.Copy !req
488. - More important than Lonny?
- Of course not.Copy !req
489. - Yeah, right, bro. This is his birthday, man.
- Yeah, man.Copy !req
490. Like his "death-birthday."
Doesn't that mean anything to you?Copy !req
491. You know what? Just go hang
with your little "vips," all right?Copy !req
492. That's right, man. Sorry we
intruded on your tea party.Copy !req
493. Yeah, if you need us,
we'll be out in the van.Copy !req
494. - Pickin' each other's butts. Naked.
- Yeah.Copy !req
495. So I, uh, I visited
Stanford in the fall.Copy !req
496. - It's a beautiful campus.
- Isn't it lovely?Copy !req
497. We go up there for football games,
and of course, Arthur is on the board!Copy !req
498. - So, uh...
- Excuse me. Sorry.Copy !req
499. Shaun, have
you seen my piss?Copy !req
500. My parole officer called.
He wants that piss.Copy !req
501. 'Cause man, I know
I got it around here.Copy !req
502. Lance, don't you see
that we have company?Copy !req
503. Oh, hey, what's up?
Oh, there it is!Copy !req
504. - Ah! Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Okay, look.Copy !req
505. Somebody's going to fill
this up, or I'm going to jail.Copy !req
506. - All right?
- Will you just get out of here?Copy !req
507. Fine!Copy !req
508. I'd like to "protose"
a toast.Copy !req
509. Shaun has been
a wonderful son.Copy !req
510. And I want him
to be happy!Copy !req
511. I'm going to be all alone!Copy !req
512. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
513. - Dear god!
- Pills!Copy !req
514. Mom, you didn't give Bob his
medication. Excuse me for a minute.Copy !req
515. Dude! Dude!Copy !req
516. Dude!Copy !req
517. Where are Bob's pain pills?Copy !req
518. - No, this is Excedrin.
- It's a decoy.Copy !req
519. I put my stash
in aspirin bottles.Copy !req
520. Yellow are painkillers.
They go in Excedrin.Copy !req
521. Lance, listen to me, all
right? I need Bob's pain pills.Copy !req
522. - Bob doesn't have any pain pills. I sold 'em.
- Yes he does.Copy !req
523. - But these are good. No, no, no, no, no, no!
- What?Copy !req
524. Wait, uh, yellow are...Copy !req
525. Not pain killers,
what are they... speed!Copy !req
526. No, they're the "x." The
painkillers are in the Tylenol.Copy !req
527. - Give him one of these. It'll knock him right out.
- Thanks.Copy !req
528. Wait. Please. Mr. Gantner,
where are you going?Copy !req
529. You people are sick. Your mother's
a drunk. Your brother's a pervert.Copy !req
530. Shame on you for
abusing an old man!Copy !req
531. He's fine!
Tell them you're fine, Bob.Copy !req
532. Look, I know how
this looks, all right?Copy !req
533. - But I do everything I can for Bob.
- Um...Copy !req
534. - I love Bob!
- Hey!Copy !req
535. Stanford is for
the best and the brightest,Copy !req
536. the future
leaders of America.Copy !req
537. You'll never go to Stanford as
long as I have a breath in my body.Copy !req
538. Watch your fingers.Copy !req
539. - What happened?
- You went for a ride, Bob.Copy !req
540. - Shaun?
- Are you okay?Copy !req
541. Shaun.
Shaun!Copy !req
542. I got you, buddy.Copy !req
543. You should sue, man. This
isn't right. Sue the school.Copy !req
544. - Shut up, Lance.
- Or you know what? Just go to Stanford anyway.Copy !req
545. Go up there and take the classes,
don't take "no" for an answer.Copy !req
546. - Just say, "Hey, I'm goin' here. Kiss my ass."
- That's actually a good idea!Copy !req
547. - What is?
- I should! I should go up to Stanford!Copy !req
548. If I talk with the dean of admissions
face to face, and tell him my situation,Copy !req
549. - he's gotta let me in.
- I can get you there in three hours.Copy !req
550. You're gettin' into Stanford,
buddy. I know it. I know it!Copy !req
551. Thanks, man.Copy !req
552. Have a question for you.
No. I got something to say.Copy !req
553. I'm gonna do something
with my life.Copy !req
554. - Yeah, man!
- Good.Copy !req
555. Dude, I get these ideas. I got so
many ideas burnin' through my skull.Copy !req
556. Like, I don't know. Like
hats and shirts. Like Stussy.Copy !req
557. Do you know what? Stussy
got started out makingCopy !req
558. hats and shirts
for surfers in Hawaii.Copy !req
559. Now he's like a millionaire. He
parties in Hawaii! 24/7, buddy!Copy !req
560. - I could do something like that. Don't you think, Shaun?
- Yeah.Copy !req
561. Like a fuckin' shirt
that says, "loser!"Copy !req
562. Er, uh, I don't know...Copy !req
563. "Talk to the hand." Or
something like that, man.Copy !req
564. Those would sell. Or I
don't... I got these ideas!Copy !req
565. - Like a hat.
- A big old hat that goes.Copy !req
566. You know?Copy !req
567. Watch the road,
dumb-ass.Copy !req
568. They've written me off, man. Did you
know that? People have written me off.Copy !req
569. - Like Dad, for one.
- Hey, just keep your eyes on the road.Copy !req
570. Dude, I'm gonna have
the last laugh.Copy !req
571. Because here's why. Some
little chumps go to college.Copy !req
572. Some little chumps stay home.
Some little chumps eat roast beef,Copy !req
573. And some little chumps have none; But this
little chump's gonna cry, "Wee, wee, wee,"Copy !req
574. all the way
to the biz-neck.Copy !req
575. - You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
576. - I love you, dude. We don't say it enough.
- I love you too.Copy !req
577. We don't say it enough. And it's
true, and it's not the drugs, buddy.Copy !req
578. Hi.Copy !req
579. - Hi.
- Uh, I need to talk...Copy !req
580. - to the dean of admissions.
- Well, it's 10:30 at night, so he's not here right now.Copy !req
581. I-I know, but you see,
this is an emergency.Copy !req
582. Yeah, I'm sure. You'll have to
come back tomorrow, though.Copy !req
583. - Could you maybe just give us his phone number?
- What? His phone number?Copy !req
584. Please, you guys, cut me some
slack. Come back tomorrow.Copy !req
585. All right, we're closed, okay?Copy !req
586. That's such crap.
That is such crap!Copy !req
587. Shaun, screw her. You
know what? Screw her!Copy !req
588. - Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?
- Yes, please. Thank you.Copy !req
589. Man! She thinks she's so smart
'cause she goes to Stanford?Copy !req
590. Well, I'm smart too. You watch,
I'm gonna pull a Macgyver.Copy !req
591. I will break in a window, I'll look around,
and find a... what do you call that thing?Copy !req
592. Directory! You stay
here. I'm gonna be backCopy !req
593. in fifteen minutes
with the directory.Copy !req
594. Reconnoiter, fifteen!Copy !req
595. Well, the dean's probably listed.
You could just call information.Copy !req
596. Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
597. Uh, hey...
Cutie.Copy !req
598. What do you want?Copy !req
599. Well, the question is,Copy !req
600. what do you want?Copy !req
601. Listen, uh...Copy !req
602. Do you want me
to call public safety?Copy !req
603. Do you want me to get naked
and start the revolution?Copy !req
604. I'll take that
as a "maybe."Copy !req
605. - Yes? Yeah?
- Hi, Mr. Durkett?Copy !req
606. - You're such a liar!
- Girls, Gina, Stephanie, I told you knock it off.Copy !req
607. - Dad, Stephanie stole my flip-flops.
- So deal with it, Gina.Copy !req
608. Go. Yes?Copy !req
609. Hi, I'm Shaun Brumder. I need
to talk to you about my application.Copy !req
610. It's late. I gotta get
up for a 7:00 flight.Copy !req
611. - But there's been a big mistake.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
612. There's nothing I can do.
Good night.Copy !req
613. Yes?Copy !req
614. Hi, Mr. Durkett. Look, we drove all
the way here from Orange County.Copy !req
615. And can't you just give us five
minutes of your time? Please?Copy !req
616. Okay, you have
five minutes. Go.Copy !req
617. Okay. Stanford University
was my first choice.Copy !req
618. All right? In fact, I didn't even
apply to any other schools,Copy !req
619. but my college counselor
sent you the wrong transcript.Copy !req
620. - Show me your transcript.
- I left it in the car. I'm just gonna go get it.Copy !req
621. It's just gonna take two seconds.
Please don't go anywhere.Copy !req
622. - Okay.
- Don!Copy !req
623. - What?
- Where are our bathing suits?Copy !req
624. There's a dive bag. A green mesh
dive bag on the floor in my closet.Copy !req
625. - Just look in there.
- Who are these people? Get rid of them?Copy !req
626. - Could I have one of those?
- Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
627. - Thank you. My head is killing me.
- Oh, take two. Or three.Copy !req
628. Thank you.Copy !req
629. Yeah, or you can just
have the whole bottle.Copy !req
630. - Thank you.
- -When you're done down there,Copy !req
631. I need help
closing my suitcase.Copy !req
632. Okay. I'll be up
in five minutes.Copy !req
633. Coming.Copy !req
634. Ah, come on.Copy !req
635. Jesus, you look like
a beast.Copy !req
636. - Where's Shaun? I need to talk to him.
- He's driving to Stanford.Copy !req
637. He's having a crisis.
In case you didn't know.Copy !req
638. - I know all about it, thank you.
- Yeah you're such a good father.Copy !req
639. - So good to your kids.
- I need a drink. Have any beer, coyote ugly?Copy !req
640. This is an excellent transcript.Copy !req
641. You should be very proud, but
what can I tell ya? If I'd had this...Copy !req
642. By January 21st, you might
have had a shot, but uh...Copy !req
643. Don, I need you.Copy !req
644. Excuse me.Copy !req
645. - All right, now what is the big deal?
- He's gonna say no.Copy !req
646. Hey.
Don't let him say no.Copy !req
647. - It's gonna be fine.
- Okay.Copy !req
648. Thanks.Copy !req
649. So, what's up with
your brother and aspirin?Copy !req
650. Does he, like, get a lot
of headaches, or what?Copy !req
651. What is that smell?
What am I sitting in?Copy !req
652. Oh, relax.
It's just urine.Copy !req
653. You know, your son was
being a real brat today.Copy !req
654. - A real pain in the ass.
- My son.Copy !req
655. He said I was selfish. He said
that, "Everything's always about me."Copy !req
656. Yeah, he called me a drama queen.
Said I was trying to sabotage him.Copy !req
657. So, how's Bob?Copy !req
658. How's what's-her-face?Copy !req
659. - She's sleeping around.
- No!Copy !req
660. I can't talk to her.Copy !req
661. She doesn't play tennis.
She's not a good mother.Copy !req
662. She's not like you.Copy !req
663. Want another beer?Copy !req
664. Look, sometimes I leave the
office at the end of the day,Copy !req
665. and I get into my car
and head home,Copy !req
666. and 15 minutes later,
I'm here.Copy !req
667. Parked in front of this house.
It's annoying.Copy !req
668. It's totally out of my way.Copy !req
669. I made a mistake and I'm tired
of paying for it. I want you back.Copy !req
670. You're such an asshole.Copy !req
671. - Which ones were they?
- Umm...Copy !req
672. - Excedrin?
- Excedrin. Okay.Copy !req
673. Excedrin are...
pain pills!Copy !req
674. - Pain pills.
- No! Oh, my god!Copy !req
675. - What?
- We just gave the dean of admissions three hits of...Copy !req
676. Where were we?Copy !req
677. Well, Mr. Durkett,
uh, to me,Copy !req
678. Stanford's not just
a school, it's...Copy !req
679. It's my entire
reason for living.Copy !req
680. Every night before I went to bed,
I'd pray that I'd get into Stanford.Copy !req
681. And I worked really hard. And when
all my friends were out having fun,Copy !req
682. I stayed in,
and I studied.Copy !req
683. That's good.
That's what you have to do.Copy !req
684. Eighty-two percent...Copy !req
685. Wait a second.
I like you.Copy !req
686. - What's your name?
- Shaun.Copy !req
687. Shaun. Shaun?
I like you.Copy !req
688. I do.
I don't know why,Copy !req
689. I just like you!Copy !req
690. Thanks.Copy !req
691. I feel so... Good!Copy !req
692. Is it me, or is it, like,
hotter than hell in here?Copy !req
693. - Hey, can you help me?
- Yeah. Yeah! Yes.Copy !req
694. Yes, I can. No. I'm...
there's no time. I'm leaving.Copy !req
695. Going to Bali.
Going to Bali with my family.Copy !req
696. I love them so much.Copy !req
697. I need... Water?
Or... I need to lie down.Copy !req
698. - Hey, uh, before you do that...
- Shaun?Copy !req
699. You're my same height.
That is neat.Copy !req
700. Yeah, it is. Hey, listen.
Let's go to your office?Copy !req
701. And you can add my name
to the acceptance list?Copy !req
702. - Before you leave for Bali.
- Sounds good. Sounds good. Yeah.Copy !req
703. Oh, man!
The lights are...Copy !req
704. - Like, vivid!
- Well, it's a beautiful night.Copy !req
705. - You're so beautiful. Come here. You're welcome.
- Oh! Thank you.Copy !req
706. You know, I really
appreciate this.Copy !req
707. That's okay, Shaun,
'cause I feelCopy !req
708. like I've known you
forever.Copy !req
709. Hey!Copy !req
710. I have a confession.
I never went to college.Copy !req
711. It's overrated.Copy !req
712. My brother wants to go
here next year.Copy !req
713. Well, I hope he's...
on this list.Copy !req
714. - What's that?
- It's a list of people they've accepted.Copy !req
715. They rejected him,
the jerks.Copy !req
716. Don't do that.Copy !req
717. When I was little...
I was a total pyro.Copy !req
718. I was too.Copy !req
719. Put that out, man.Copy !req
720. Put it out.Copy !req
721. - Who are you people?
- I'm Shaun Brumder.Copy !req
722. You're going to help me
get into Stanford.Copy !req
723. And we're at your office.Copy !req
724. Oh, my God!Copy !req
725. Ray, do me a favor. Back that
engine out. We gotta knockdown.Copy !req
726. - Okay!
- That's negatory, Julio. Need you to wedge that popper.Copy !req
727. Hey!
Hey!Copy !req
728. - What's your name? What is it?
- Uh, Joe... John.Copy !req
729. - Joe John.
- Your name's "Joe John"?Copy !req
730. John... Ston.
Johnston, Joe.Copy !req
731. - You want to tell me what happened here?
- Uh, just a fire.Copy !req
732. I don't know.
I came by and was...Copy !req
733. Checkin' out the fire.Copy !req
734. Well, that lady, Mona,Copy !req
735. she said you two were in the
building when the fire started.Copy !req
736. Yeah, she's a liar.
'Cause I don't know her.Copy !req
737. So, whatever-whatever
she says is a lie. So...Copy !req
738. - You're saying you weren't in the building with that woman?
- No. Not I.Copy !req
739. All right. She started it, all
right? Because, she was, like,Copy !req
740. "I hate my job! I'm gonna
burn this mother down!"Copy !req
741. I said, "You'd better
not! You'd better not!"Copy !req
742. - She said it was an electrical fire.
- It was.Copy !req
743. It was a total electrical fire.
It was, like, uh,Copy !req
744. the switches had sparks comin'
out, and the sockets and, uh...Copy !req
745. It was like
the fourth of July, man.Copy !req
746. - Why aren't you wearing your pants, Joe?
- I tripped and, uh...Copy !req
747. Then I had to take 'em off
to run faster out of the flames.Copy !req
748. I think I inhaled
some smoke.Copy !req
749. Will you excuse me
one second.Copy !req
750. I'll be right back.Copy !req
751. We've a got a sprinter.
Five-foot-five,Copy !req
752. no pants,
unkempt... Portly.Copy !req
753. - You'll be fine.
- Wait. W-wait a second.Copy !req
754. - Mr.
- Durkett... -This guy thinks he's the dean of admissions.Copy !req
755. Shaun.
Shaun.Copy !req
756. Shaun,
it's so psychedelic.Copy !req
757. Buddy, I light one match,
and the building blows up.Copy !req
758. Well, I was just tryin'
to help you, bro.Copy !req
759. By setting
the building on fire?Copy !req
760. - I was high.
- You're always high.Copy !req
761. Y-you're a drugged-out loser. You think
you're gonna create a t-shirt company?Copy !req
762. You can't
even dress yourself.Copy !req
763. Harsh.Copy !req
764. Shaun,
I'm so sorry.Copy !req
765. I should've seen this coming.Copy !req
766. The one day I need my family
to come through for me,Copy !req
767. they end up doing
what they always do.Copy !req
768. My father goes ballistic;
My mother gets plasteredCopy !req
769. and my brother
burns down a building.Copy !req
770. It's like they've
all come togetherCopy !req
771. in some evil conspiracy to
prevent me from getting anywhere.Copy !req
772. - Is that what you think?
- What else am I supposed to think?Copy !req
773. You know, I really believed
that you wanted to go to StanfordCopy !req
774. because you wanted to study
with Marcus Skinner.Copy !req
775. That's not it,
is it?Copy !req
776. - What are you talking about?
- You want to run away.Copy !req
777. You want to be free
of everybody.Copy !req
778. You think by coming up here,
you're gonna meet people that are...Copy !req
779. Smarter and saner...Copy !req
780. And better.Copy !req
781. You know, if you went to
Stanford, that'd be the end of us.Copy !req
782. It doesn't seem to me like that
thought ever crossed your mind.Copy !req
783. - Oh, Ashley, come on!
- Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford.Copy !req
784. But, if you think going hereCopy !req
785. is the only way you can be
the person you want to be,Copy !req
786. then I just
feel sorry for you.Copy !req
787. Bud!Copy !req
788. Bud!Copy !req
789. What's going on? What are
you doing in that bathrobe?Copy !req
790. I'm not going
to lie to you, Krista.Copy !req
791. Did you sleep
with your ex-wife?Copy !req
792. Ughhh.Copy !req
793. - I want a divorce.
- Really?Copy !req
794. - You can have the house.
- Really?Copy !req
795. - What about Jake?
- I thought we could share custody.Copy !req
796. Okay. Great.Copy !req
797. Hey, but could you
take him tonight?Copy !req
798. 'Cause there's this new club in Newport
that's supposed to be totally bitchin'.Copy !req
799. - Oh, okay.
- Thanks, Bud.Copy !req
800. So you have my pager number
and my cell phone number.Copy !req
801. If you need me just call me,
and I think this is a great idea.Copy !req
802. - Good. Later.
- Later.Copy !req
803. Yes!Copy !req
804. What are you reading?Copy !req
805. Faulkner.Copy !req
806. - Great writer.
- Yeah! Sure!Copy !req
807. You're an English major?Copy !req
808. No.Copy !req
809. I don't even go here.Copy !req
810. So, you're just visiting.Copy !req
811. I should probably go.Copy !req
812. Okay.
It's nice meeting you.Copy !req
813. Hey.Copy !req
814. I'm going to a party.Copy !req
815. Well, maybe you'll
come check it out?Copy !req
816. - So, uh...
- So do you like Faulkner?Copy !req
817. He's okay.
I mean, he's kind of boring.Copy !req
818. I think I might just
get the Cliff Notes.Copy !req
819. - Hey, Gretchen.
- Hey!Copy !req
820. There are some serious
cuties at this party.Copy !req
821. And lock me up
because I am horny!Copy !req
822. Guys, this is Shaun.Copy !req
823. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
824. Oh, my God!
This is our song!Copy !req
825. Oh, my God!Copy !req
826. - Scrabble?
- I love Scrabble.Copy !req
827. Last time I played, actually, I threw down
the word "mazer." It's a type of cherry tree.Copy !req
828. I even got
50 bonus points.Copy !req
829. - So, you don't look familiar.
- Are you a freshman?Copy !req
830. No, not even.
I'm still in high school.Copy !req
831. - Oh, did you apply to Stanford, or...
- No, no.Copy !req
832. I'm-I'm going to Orange
County University.Copy !req
833. - That's where I'm from... Orange County.
- Really.Copy !req
834. - I've heard of Orange County.
- Yeah, I love it there.Copy !req
835. The weather's great,
people are nice.Copy !req
836. I want to be a marine biologist, so
it's the perfect place for me to study.Copy !req
837. So what about you?Copy !req
838. I'm a comparative literature
major. Yeah, I want to be a writer.Copy !req
839. Fiction, poetry, screenplays,
whatever, you know.Copy !req
840. Actually, I have
an idea for a TV show.Copy !req
841. It's about vampires, ostensibly,
you know. But, underneath,Copy !req
842. it's actually about
the reunification of Germany.Copy !req
843. - But it's funny, it's...
- Yeah, my boyfriend wants to be a writer too.Copy !req
844. - Your boyfriend?
- Yeah, Shaun.Copy !req
845. He's...
He's really talented.Copy !req
846. He wrote this great storyCopy !req
847. about growing up
in Orange County.Copy !req
848. And it's just
really funny and smart.Copy !req
849. But, I mean, it really doesn't
matter what I think, so...Copy !req
850. Why not?Copy !req
851. - Shaun?
- Hey.Copy !req
852. - What's up?
- Is this your boyfriend?Copy !req
853. - Ohh.
- What are you, like, spying on me?Copy !req
854. No!
I was just, uh...Copy !req
855. I was just up
on the balcony and, uh...Copy !req
856. Yeah,
I was spyin' on you. Ow.Copy !req
857. - And who's this?
- I'm Kip.Copy !req
858. Yeah, Kip, let's go inside
where we can be alone.Copy !req
859. Oh, come on, Ash.Copy !req
860. Ashley.Copy !req
861. Mr. Skinner?Copy !req
862. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
863. You're Marcus Skinner.Copy !req
864. - You're-you're a good writer.
- Thank you.Copy !req
865. I'm obsessed with you,
Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
866. Um, not in a sexual way or
romantic way or anything like that.Copy !req
867. Just, uh,
your writing.Copy !req
868. I'm Shaun Brumder. I wrote you
a letter a couple of months ago,Copy !req
869. and I sent you
one of my stories.Copy !req
870. "Orange County."Copy !req
871. Yeah!Copy !req
872. Yeah, wait, uh-uh...Copy !req
873. - Did you read it?
- Oh, yes. Yeah.Copy !req
874. It was a great story.Copy !req
875. I can't, uh...Copy !req
876. I'm sorry, uh...Copy !req
877. It's been a long day.Copy !req
878. Could you just say that... what
you just said... just one more time?Copy !req
879. It was a great story.
I really enjoyed it.Copy !req
880. Mr. Skinner, uh...Copy !req
881. Dude...Copy !req
882. You have no idea
what that means to me.Copy !req
883. The characters are unique...
Well-drawn.Copy !req
884. The mother... drunk,
arguing with all the maids.Copy !req
885. The brother always
passing out everywhere.Copy !req
886. And I love the girlfriend... the bleeding
heart animal freak. She was my favorite.Copy !req
887. Yeah, you really love your characters.
It comes through in the writing.Copy !req
888. Well, thank you.Copy !req
889. I... I never really
thought about it that way.Copy !req
890. - My only criticism...
- Yes. Oh, please.Copy !req
891. It's what I need.Copy !req
892. - You need an ending.
- I know. I-I just...Copy !req
893. - I don't know how to end it.
- You should figure that out.Copy !req
894. Maybe I can help you.Copy !req
895. Well, uh,
I didn't get into Stanford.Copy !req
896. Yeah. So, uh...Copy !req
897. So that means
I can't work with you.Copy !req
898. I want to be a good writer,
Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
899. But I'm just afraidCopy !req
900. that if I don't get out
of Orange County,Copy !req
901. it's never gonna happen.Copy !req
902. You don't have to be afraid of
that, Shaun. You are a good writer.Copy !req
903. And every good writer has a conflicted
relationship with the place he grew up...Copy !req
904. Joyce, Faulkner, Tolstoy.Copy !req
905. And that's what I remember
loving about your story.Copy !req
906. It's very conflicted.Copy !req
907. 'Cause, at the beginning, you
think these people are doomed.Copy !req
908. I mean, this family is heading
for disaster, and then,Copy !req
909. as you read on, you see
that that there exists,Copy !req
910. beneath the surface,
these very real connections.Copy !req
911. These...
Deep relationships.Copy !req
912. What I took
from your story is this:Copy !req
913. That even in a world where
people can be superficialCopy !req
914. and stupid and selfish,Copy !req
915. there's still hope.Copy !req
916. Was that the message
you were trying for?Copy !req
917. Shaun! Shaun! Shaun.Copy !req
918. Shaun, Shaun, Shaun,
Shaun. Over here.Copy !req
919. Sorry.Copy !req
920. - Ow! God! Dick!
- Sorry.Copy !req
921. - God! Lance! Ow!
- I'm sorry. Shh. It's just a nick.Copy !req
922. - Dude, you will never believe who I just met.
- Shh. Who, who?Copy !req
923. - Marcus Skinner. I met Marcus Skinner!
- Shhh!Copy !req
924. - What? Who? Okay!
- The writer.Copy !req
925. - He liked my story! He liked my story!
- Shut up!Copy !req
926. That's awesome,
but I am goin' to prison!Copy !req
927. - What?
- Yeah, some cops are right on my ass.Copy !req
928. Now, listen. I've been thinking
about it. We are goin' to Mexico, buddy.Copy !req
929. - Right now! Please?
- Oh, Lance.Copy !req
930. Ohh, God.Copy !req
931. Okay. All right. Fine.
We're leaving. We're leaving.Copy !req
932. - But we got to get Ashley first.
- No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
933. No, that's not
in the cards, "bro-seph."Copy !req
934. Listen, she'll be fine.
Just forget about her.Copy !req
935. Some dude'll pick her up and
give her a nice bed to sleep in.Copy !req
936. - Lance...
- Okay! We will go and get her.Copy !req
937. But you gotta follow me, 'cause
I am an expert at "excaping."Copy !req
938. Let's go. Fast "excape." Fast
"excapes" are my expertise. Come on.Copy !req
939. Be careful.Copy !req
940. Follow me.Copy !req
941. Lance?
Are you okay?Copy !req
942. Go get the Bronco, Shaun,
and come back for me.Copy !req
943. Okay.
Dude?Copy !req
944. - Promise me, dude.
- Yeah, I promise.Copy !req
945. Duhhh.Copy !req
946. The whole time I'm thinkin'
it's the alternator.Copy !req
947. My brother says to me, "No, bro, it's the
carburetor," and it turned out he was right.Copy !req
948. Ashley!Copy !req
949. - Would you get in the car?
- I'm mad at you, remember?Copy !req
950. I know, but can we talk
about it in the car, please!Copy !req
951. Hey, you heard her. 'Kay,
why don't you leave her alone?Copy !req
952. Hey, butt out, dude. Ashley, get
in the car, right now. Get in the car.Copy !req
953. No.Copy !req
954. Shaun, apologize to her.
Tell her you're sorry.Copy !req
955. I'm sorry!Copy !req
956. Dude, come on.
Say it like you mean it.Copy !req
957. Ashley.Copy !req
958. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
959. Now,
tell her you love her.Copy !req
960. Tell her you love her.Copy !req
961. I love you.
I love you so much.Copy !req
962. Good. You love him.
He loves you. Now, get in...Copy !req
963. The damn Bronco!Copy !req
964. Ashley, now! Now!Copy !req
965. - Now!
- Kip, it was really nice to meet you.Copy !req
966. Get in the car!Copy !req
967. - Shaun.
- Yeah.Copy !req
968. What? Oh, Lance, isn't
gonna be able to hear anything.Copy !req
969. He's passed out. He's not
gonna wake up. I promise.Copy !req
970. Okay, you don't believe me.
Lance.Copy !req
971. Lance!Copy !req
972. See? Nothing. He's out
cold. Like a light. Come on.Copy !req
973. It'll be fine.
I promise, okay?Copy !req
974. Clearly, you're not an expert on negotiations,
so let me just walk you through this.Copy !req
975. You come in with a proposal
that's over the top.Copy !req
976. You want a new gymnasium...
$40 million.Copy !req
977. Then I counter with a lowball offer
like, uh, uh, $2,000 for a medicine ball.Copy !req
978. - That is absurd and offensive.
- What?Copy !req
979. - It's offensive, sir. Stanford University doesn't...
- No, no, no-no-no...Copy !req
980. - We already have a medicine ball.
- No, you're not hearing me.Copy !req
981. - No, sir, I believe it's you who's not hearing...
- You're not hearing me!Copy !req
982. - Hey, hey, hey. Drink your milk.
- I don't want milk.Copy !req
983. - I want my poody.
- Well, your poody's been retired.Copy !req
984. You're a little big for...
Where are you goin'? What?Copy !req
985. You don't want the milk?
Fine. You want some juice?Copy !req
986. Yes. Okay. Why don't
you go to the fridge...Copy !req
987. Open it up
and get yourself some.Copy !req
988. And get some for me
while you're at it.Copy !req
989. Ooh, you're helpful. Finally,
some help around here.Copy !req
990. - Hey, guys, what's up?
- Hey, what's up, dude?Copy !req
991. Hey, dude, check this out.Copy !req
992. Last night
we were at this party,Copy !req
993. and little Arlo here, he decides to,
like, profess his undying love for me.Copy !req
994. - Did I tell you he was a fruitcake or what?
- Bro. Bro.Copy !req
995. That's not true.
This is the real story, dude.Copy !req
996. Chad crashed
at my house, right?Copy !req
997. And I woke up in the night.
He was fondling my...Copy !req
998. Dude, I lost my keys.
I was lookin' for 'em.Copy !req
999. - Hey, do you guys want to come in?
- -All right.Copy !req
1000. - Jake.
- Yo.Copy !req
1001. - What are you doing here?
- Hello, everybody.Copy !req
1002. - Hey, Bob.
- How was your trip?Copy !req
1003. It was okay.Copy !req
1004. Uh, just come back
with an offer.Copy !req
1005. Yeah, well, we don't have to
dot the I's and cross the t's.Copy !req
1006. You have your people.
I have my people.Copy !req
1007. I'll call you back.
My kids just walked in the door.Copy !req
1008. - Hi, guys.
- Dad, what?Copy !req
1009. Mom,
what is going on?Copy !req
1010. Uh, Shaun. Lance.Copy !req
1011. Uh, something happened
last night.Copy !req
1012. Uh, your mother and I,
we, uh...Copy !req
1013. - Well...
- You banged Mom?Copy !req
1014. That's not the word
I would use, but,Copy !req
1015. yes, we came together.Copy !req
1016. Are you serious?Copy !req
1017. - Guess what else we did?
- I've been on the phone all morning with Stanford.Copy !req
1018. Your mother and I donated the
money for a new admissions building.Copy !req
1019. I guess the old one
burned down.Copy !req
1020. We got you
into Stanford, Shaun.Copy !req
1021. You did that for me?Copy !req
1022. - Yeah.
- Really?Copy !req
1023. - Yeah, bro, way to go, man.
- We're stoked, dude.Copy !req
1024. Yeah!
Stanford!Copy !req
1025. Congratulations, Shaun.
That's... that is awesome.Copy !req
1026. Uh, hey.Copy !req
1027. I was just up in my room
thinkin' about Faulkner,Copy !req
1028. and, uh, wondering
if he had left the southCopy !req
1029. would he have ever written
Light in August?Copy !req
1030. Or what if, uh... what if
James Joyce had left Ireland?Copy !req
1031. Well, I mean, he did
leave Ireland, but...Copy !req
1032. Not in his heart.Copy !req
1033. Do you see what
I'm getting at here?Copy !req
1034. I don't need to go to
Stanford to be a writer.Copy !req
1035. All I need are the
people who inspire me,Copy !req
1036. like my friends...Copy !req
1037. And my family...Copy !req
1038. And you.Copy !req
1039. So I'm gonna stay. I'm
gonna stay in Orange County.Copy !req
1040. You are!Copy !req
1041. Stanford sucks!Copy !req
1042. Yeah!Copy !req
1043. "Dear Mr. Skinner, I'm writing
you to say thank youCopy !req
1044. for all your words of wisdom.Copy !req
1045. It took me a while,
but I finally realized.Copy !req
1046. Orange County is the perfect
environment for an aspiring writer.Copy !req
1047. Today I went down to the beach
with a copy of your book.Copy !req
1048. I left it there by the water.Copy !req
1049. Maybe another mixed-up kid
will stumble upon it.Copy !req
1050. And maybe it will change
his life like it changed mine.Copy !req
1051. Later, Mr. Skinner.Copy !req
1052. Yours truly, Shaun Brumder."Copy !req
1053. Dude, don't touch! I'm lighting the
fire. It was my idea, and you're an idiot.Copy !req
1054. - You're gonna blow off your hand. Give me the lighter.
- No.Copy !req
1055. Dude, Lonny would have wanted
me to blow up his board, dude.Copy !req
1056. Lonny thought you were a tool.
Lonny thought you were a fool.Copy !req
1057. - Hey, guys, what are you doin'?
- Gonna blow up Lonny's board, man.Copy !req
1058. It's gonna be explosive. Check
it out. It's got so many M-80s.Copy !req
1059. It's gonna be like
the fourth of July.Copy !req
1060. - Dude, what are you doin'?
- I'm goin' surfin'!Copy !req
1061. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
1062. Come on! Let's go!Copy !req