Nimrods (2026)

1. a-squared.

2. The square root of a-squared is "a."

3. So if that number was three or nine...

4. Hey!

5. You got a pass?

6. Oh, fuck.

7. Hey, merry Christmas!

8. Merry Christmas.

9. Hey, man.

10. Tommy!

11. - Moron! You guys got a pass? - Ah, it's Paul Blart.

12. I think he's getting faster.

13. Dude, I figured out

14. how we're gonna sneak into the Green Day concert.

15. Uh, how?

16. We're gonna carry in ladders.

17. Oh, so they think we work there.

18. Yeah.

19. That's actually smart, but...

20. Wait, no, I don't think people are that dumb anymore.

21. - Yeah, they are. - You think?

22. Well, then we'll get the, um,

23. the buffer thing that janitors use.

24. The little, like, mini Zamboni.

25. Come on, Santa. What the fuck?

26. Dude, check out Wayne getting off with Santa.

27. Hey, is that consensual?

28. Tommy, Mom said you got to help me with this shit.

29. - Come up here. - Dude, you're doing fine without me.

30. Hey, why is there a cab in your driveway?

31. - Shit. - Oh, get this.

32. He got it for an Uber business.

33. Fuck!

34. - Goddamn it! - Hey, uh, Wayne.

35. How would you sneak into a Green Day concert?

36. How?

37. Blow a roadie.

38. That works?

39. Tommy, come on, man. Get the fuck up here.

40. Goddamn it. You got to help me with this shit.

41. All right. I'll help you.

42. What the fuck!

43. Does that help?

44. Put the ladder back up, asshole.

45. You're gonna regret this, Tommy!

46. - No. - Put that ladder back up right now!

47. There's no reason why he would've been excused early.

48. No. Oh, he just walked in.

49. Tommy, what the hell?

50. - Who is it? - Yeah, mystery solved.

51. Principal Steele. You can't just walk out of school.

52. - Let me talk to him. - No. What...

53. Give me the phone. Get out of here.

54. What? No, sir. Yeah, no, I am.

55. I'm gonna have a chat with him.

56. And you have a very merry Christmas.

57. Okay, bye.

58. Oh, that guy's a creep. I can't have him calling me.

59. You got to stay in school.

60. We just don't fit in over there, Mom.

61. You don't fit in over there?

62. It's-it's school. It's-it's not about...

63. Okay, you know what?

64. I can't have this conversation right now.

65. Dinner's in the fridge.

66. Oh, I see you found the pie. That's great.

67. Fred, if you're gonna stay here again,

68. do not masturbate in my bathroom.

69. It was one time.

70. And, Tommy, make yourself useful.

71. Go help your brother on the roof.

72. We already tried. He wouldn't let us.

73. Jodi, have you ever snuck into a concert?

74. Uh, yeah.

75. Actually, that's a, that's a really fun memory.

76. - How'd you do it? - Um...

77. We— You know what? I'm rushing.

78. Oh, you blew a roadie.

79. What? No.

80. We put on reflective vests

81. and we pretended like we were picking up trash.

82. Oh.

83. Blew a roadie?

84. - That's what Wayne said. - Have you seen a roadie?

85. That's what Wayne said.

86. Use a fork.

87. Oh, my God. Is that Santa?

88. Oh, no, it's just my delinquent little brother.

89. Fuck, Wayne. Okay, look, I'm...

90. I'm not in the mood right now. Please just go.

91. It's Christmas, dipshit.

92. Go out there. You know how Mom gets on Christmas.

93. - You go out there. - I can't.

94. I got to drive a lady to Topeka.

95. Do you want Mom to be alone? Come on. Go.

96. I am!

97. She needs you.

98. - Fucking get up. - Okay, I am, I am.

99. Oh, no way.

100. - Was this Dad's? - Yeah.

101. I found a box in the basement.

102. Oh, my God, we can record our demos.

103. There's a bunch of his old mixtapes in there, too.

104. Oh, shut up.

105. All right, I also found this.

106. Belonged to your dad.

107. Oh, my God.

108. You look just like him.

109. Should I open mine?

110. - Hmm? - Should I open mine?

111. Uh, y-yeah, yeah, um...

112. There.

113. Oh.

114. Oven mitts.

115. Wow, well, that's a nice surprise.

116. - I agree. - Aw.

117. Come here.

118. Thank you, sweetie.

119. Aw.

120. Uh, you want some egg casserole?

121. Uh, sure.

122. I can use my new oven mitts.

123. Uh, hey, Mom, do you remember, uh, that Christmas

124. where you and Dad were, uh, arguing about money?

125. We always argued about money.

126. Yeah, but this is when he bought that

127. purple expensive bike.

128. My God.

129. Tommy, you remember that?

130. You were, like, five.

131. I remember the song he put on.

132. What? What song?

133. Hi, guys.

134. - 15 minutes early? - Leave him out there.

135. Guys, it's me. It's Chad.

136. Guys, please. I will get Jodi.

137. Let him in.

138. Dude, why does he always bring your mom into this?

139. A fucking narc.

140. See, Chad, killing me.

141. - What's up, Chadsky? - Thank God.

142. Okay, Chad, we've talked about this.

143. Okay, if you want to be a punk rock drummer,

144. you got to be late, you know, fuck shit up.

145. You're too reliable.

146. Why the fuck are you wearing a Christmas sweater?

147. - Untuck your shirt, man. - Yeah.

148. My mom got this for me.

149. Hey, remember, break every rule you've ever been taught.

150. - Cool? - Okay.

151. All right, did you bring that old camcorder?

152. It's right here. Are you sure you want it, though?

153. I mean, this thing shoots really grainy-ass video.

154. Yeah, it's analog.

155. What the hell is this?

156. Dude, it's his dad's old 4-track so we can make a demo.

157. On that?

158. I don't... Why don't we just, like, record our demo

159. on a computer like normal musicians?

160. Because it's analog and we're the Analog Dogs.

161. It's, like, our thing.

162. Okay, well, by that logic, we should also be dogs.

163. Woof?

164. Tommy, he's hurting my head again.

165. - Please tune your drums. - Okay. I'm sorry, guys.

166. Oh, guess what I got for Christmas.

167. What?

168. I got tickets to Green Day.

169. - What? - Yeah.

170. - Shut the fuck up. - No, I'm serious.

171. I got three tickets, and my parents were like,

172. "You know, you can bring whoever you want."

173. So I was like, "Who really wants to see Green Day?"

174. Ah, Chadsky!

175. No way. Are you fucking serious?

176. My parents.

177. Isn't that cool?

178. Of all people, my parents want to see Green Day with me.

179. You're a dick.

180. Oh, you thought I meant you guys.

181. Are you fucking serious? We've never seen them.

182. Well, neither have my parents,

183. and I don't want to let them down.

184. Man, let them down.

185. Okay, that's punk rock. Take us.

186. Guys, it's not a big deal.

187. You can, like, go meet them if you want.

188. Why the fuck do we want to meet your par...?

189. I know your parents.

190. No, Green Day.

191. They just announced an in-store at the record store.

192. Noon tomorrow.

193. Merry Christmas, guys.

194. Dude, we can give them our demo, Tommy.

195. This blows. We should've got here earlier.

196. - Attention, everyone! - What happened?

197. I'm really sorry to do this, but we've run out of time!

198. So, everyone from here back,

199. I'm sorry, but you're not gonna get to meet Green Day.

200. I'm really sorry.

201. Wait. I-I-I'm sorry.

202. Like, like here back or-or there back?

203. No, no, yeah.

204. Here back.

205. I'm sorry, but you all have to leave.

206. Are you fucking kidding me?

207. Dude, where are we going?

208. Hey, asshole, get to the back of the line!

209. - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Fuck these guys.

210. Are you kidding me?

211. - Excuse me. Sorry. - Not cool, dipshits.

212. The manager out there asked us to come to the front

213. - of the line, so... - Why?

214. Uh, we got to give Green Day our demo.

215. But we've been waiting to meet them since 7:00 a.m.

216. Okay, listen, lady, you'll still meet them,

217. just four seconds later than you would have.

218. "Lady"? I'm, like, your age.

219. Don't you guys go to Hamilton?

220. Yeah, yeah. We used to. Quit.

221. Yeah, we're going on tour. Europe. It's a country.

222. Oh, wait, I remember you guys.

223. Your band got booed off stage at the talent show, right?

224. Oh, that's right.

225. Uh, yeah, we actually take pride in that moment.

226. - Who's next? - Uh, we are.

227. Wait. W-W-Wait, they cut.

228. - Hi. - What's up?

229. Oh, yeah, we just wanted to give you this.

230. Um, that-that's our-our demo.

231. - It's a dem— Hmm. - Yeah, yeah.

232. - Um... - It's... it's just one song.

233. Yeah, but it's a good song.

234. Yeah, we got more songs, too, but...

235. "Anal OG Dogs"?

236. No, it's, uh, it's Analog Dogs.

237. - Hey, is that your phone number on there? - Yeah.

238. Not assuming you're gonna like the song, but you might.

239. Yeah.

240. I might, I might.

241. Hey, answer your phone.

242. Uh...

243. Hello?

244. Is this the Anal Dogs?

245. That's fucking so funny.

246. Ooh, time's up.

247. Keep playing shows, anywhere and everywhere.

248. - Yeah. - Of course. - All right.

249. I can't let you hide those here, Keith.

250. I promised my mom no more drugs in the house.

251. What? Mushrooms aren't drugs, man. They're food.

252. Fucking hide them at your place, then.

253. I can't. My dog will eat them.

254. Wayne! Keith!

255. Yo! Yee!

256. Keith, it's your favorite boy band,

257. Analog Dicks.

258. Dude, we just met Green Day.

259. - Bullshit. - Dude, Tré Cool called his phone.

260. Look.

261. It says "no caller I.D.," dumb-ass.

262. Yeah, but it-it's Tré.

263. Fucking liars.

264. Oh, yeah, I can't hear you, prick.

265. Fuck you, Wayne.

266. What the fuck? You just dented my office.

267. Hey. Hey, hey! Cut it out!

268. Someone come help me with this tree.

269. - Hi, Jodi. - Hi, Mom.

270. - We just met Green Day. - Yeah, uh, we gave them

271. that demo that we recorded with that 4-track.

272. - Aw. - I love your makeup today, Jodi.

273. - Okay, Keith. - Nice touch.

274. Oh, we put Tommy's phone number on it.

275. Aw, I'm so happy for you guys.

276. Yeah, we, uh, put Tommy's name on the demo, too.

277. Dude. Check this out.

278. It's time to pay the fiddler.

279. Yeah.

280. What fiddler?

281. The fiddler on the roof.

282. They-they left me on the roof.

283. Oh. Yeah, okay.

284. Wait, you play the fiddle?

285. Come on, man.

286. They pranked me, they left me on the roof,

287. so now we got to get them back with the ultimate prank.

288. We're gonna tell them they're opening up

289. for Green Day on New Year's fucking Eve.

290. Pay up, son!

291. Hey, remember, we're here to pick up trash.

292. No, act natural.

293. Act like we're supposed to be here.

294. I am supposed to be here.

295. - Then act like it. - I am.

296. - Wait, what are we doing? - My mom told us this is

297. how it's gonna go— we just walk in...

298. - Into the venue? - Trash boys, and we're in.

299. - Easy, easy. - Yeah, trash boys. Cool.

300. Hey, we're here to pick up some trash.

301. Get out and don't come back.

302. Looks like you're gonna have to blow a roadie.

303. What about that guy?

304. Uh, I like Green Day, but... no.

305. - Hello? - Who is that? Is that Chad?

306. Hey, it's, uh, Tré Cool from Green Day.

307. What?

308. It's Tré Cool from, uh, Green Day.

309. Uh, uh, hi, hi, M-M-Mr. Cool.

310. Um... It's Tré fucking Cool.

311. Listen, I just wanted to tell you, your demo

312. kicks some serious ass.

313. Uh, that's, uh...

314. Uh, th-th-thanks?

315. Yeah, we can't stop listening to it.

316. Why don't you come out to Los Angeles next weekend

317. and open up for us at the Palladium?

318. Dude, no way.

319. Uh, are you serious?

320. Yeah, dead serious, kid.

321. We play New Year's Eve.

322. - Get your ass out West. - Uh, yeah, um...

323. Yeah, um... Uh, b-b-by, by the way, Mr. Cool,

324. we're outside the venue right now, so we could play now.

325. Totally, that sounds— No. No, that doesn't work for us.

326. Uh, we'd rather have you out in L.A.,

327. so, uh, you know, come on out.

328. Okay, bye. See you soon.

329. Holy shit.

330. - No, Tommy. - Come on.

331. There is no way I can drive you to Los Angeles.

332. - I have to work. - Jodi, please.

333. - Are you sure you heard him right? - Yes.

334. Okay, he said Los Angeles on New Year's Eve.

335. Isn't that right, Fred?

336. Yeah, he loved our demo.

337. - Can I take your car? - No.

338. Because you don't have a license.

339. I've been telling you to take that driver's ed course,

340. but you don't want to.

341. Mom, please, we told Tré Cool we'd be there.

342. Well, I'm sure he'll call back.

343. And when he does, you just explain the situation to him.

344. I mean, maybe they have a show in St. Louis.

345. I could drive you there.

346. - Mom, please? - I got to, I got to take this.

347. - Oh, come on! - Hi.

348. This is total bullshit.

349. What wrong with you guys?

350. Oh, my God, Wayne.

351. You're not gonna believe this, okay?

352. Tré Cool called me.

353. - What? - He fucking called us,

354. - and he loves our demo. - Oh, my God.

355. Keith, are you hearing this? Tré Cool called them.

356. No shit? On your phone, dude?

357. Yeah, he invited us to L.A. to open for them on New Year's.

358. - Ha! - Well, you guys got to go.

359. - Right? - Are you kidding?

360. Yeah, it's like a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity.

361. My little brother's gonna be a rock star.

362. - Thanks, Wayne. - Fuck yeah.

363. Can you, uh, can you drive us?

364. Oh, Tommy, man.

365. Me drive you? Really?

366. I'm not a chauffeur.

367. You work for fucking Uber.

368. Yeah, well, sorry, I can't. I got plans.

369. - What plans? - Get this shit.

370. I got to take down the goddamn Christmas decorations.

371. I mean, maybe if you were to have helped me last week

372. and not stranded me on the roof, giving me fucking frostbite,

373. I'd be more open to helping you.

374. Come on, this is about Green Day.

375. You shouldn't have left me on the roof, dummy. Sorry.

376. Damn. Sucks.

377. - Lick my balls. - This is total fucking bullshit.

378. That worked perfectly.

379. Fucking I told him a storm was coming, didn't I?

380. - Holy shit. - I said, "Watch your back, bitch."

381. What? Okay.

382. I'll never forget the day that we almost opened for Green Day.

383. "Almost opened"?

384. Man, we're not almost opening.

385. Well, how are we getting there? Walking?

386. - Dude, I'm not walking to Los— - Wait.

387. I know.

388. I'm not jogging, either. I have flat feet.

389. No, it's not jogging, okay?

390. Call Chad and tell him my mom's gonna take us.

391. All right, we're taking Wayne's car.

392. FRED It's sick.

393. Chadskys!

394. What?

395. - You ready to go to L.A.? - Dude, you're on

396. - the wrong side of the street. - Come on, man.

397. - Get in. - Your parents like the concert?

398. - Yeah. - How was it? They bring earplugs?

399. No, they said it was a little too loud.

400. - Oh, that's a shame. - But they...

401. they didn't like the fire part.

402. But they loved the bunny.

403. Hello, Chadskys.

404. You got Apple Pay, right?

405. Apple Pay? No.

406. Dude, my mom shut it off after you ordered all those dildos.

407. - That was good. - That was good.

408. It's not funny. It was embarrassing.

409. - All right, y'all ready? - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

410. I thought you said your mom was driving.

411. No. No, I just said that

412. 'cause you wouldn't have come otherwise.

413. That's not cool, man.

414. Th-This is a bad idea.

415. Okay, listen, all right, I'm hearing Mama's Boy Chad.

416. I need to hear Punk Rock Chad, okay?

417. Yeah, the Chad that don't give a shit.

418. The Chad who don't give a shit. Okay, say it with me, boys.

419. "I don't give a shit."

420. I don't give a shit!

421. - There we go. - Okay.

422. I give a shit!

423. Yo! Get that jabroni!

424. Yeah!

425. - Get him, Tommy! - Wait, wait.

426. - Do you have a license? - No.

427. Guys? My mom's texted me, like,

428. - 17 times in the last minute. - Turn that shit off.

429. Yeah, but I don't know what to say to her.

430. Tell her that, uh...

431. my mom is driving and that we're safe and sound.

432. Yeah, and tell her to suck on deez nuts.

433. To what? I'm not telling her that, Fred.

434. - Tommy. - Yeah.

435. My dad said that we have to sign a contract before we play.

436. And if we don't sign a contract,

437. we don't play.

438. It's not about contracts, man.

439. - Not about the money. - Yeah.

440. It's about all the babes, all the time, all over us.

441. Yeah, but it's also about creating a career opportunity.

442. Okay, man, calm down. All right?

443. - Seriously, we're good. All right? - Shotgun!

444. - Lick a fart! - Get in the back, Fred.

445. Tommy, I'm just saying that

446. Green Day's selling tickets for this event,

447. and we're part of the entertainment,

448. so we should share in that profit.

449. Okay, but it's not about money, man.

450. I mean, Green Day's advice was to play any show anywhere.

451. All right, we're paying our dues, man. This isn't a job.

452. Oh, ow! Ow! What's happening? Ow!

453. Guys, guys, guys, guys. "Hey!"

454. - Oh, God, not the puppet. - "It's Gravy time."

455. - What's up, Gravy? - "Hey, hey, Chad.

456. "Uh, why-why don't cannibals eat clowns?

457. 'Cause they taste funny."

458. "Oh, hey, Tommy.

459. "Where do ducks poop from? Their butt quack."

460. "Hey, Gravy. Shut the fuck up, bitch."

461. - "Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me." - All right.

462. - That's enough. Thanks, Gravy. - "I love it

463. - when you talk dirty to me." - Ah!

464. Seriously, I mean, wh...

465. what do we do about the phone? I mean,

466. we can try to look for it. Maybe it's in the car.

467. It's not in the car. We searched the car.

468. While you were taking a 30-minute dump.

469. Could be anywhere.

470. I say we keep going.

471. Not enough time. Cool?

472. Here's what we do.

473. We continue on this road through Arizona,

474. - through this coffee stain in Nevada— - Oh, dude.

475. Arizona. My uncle lives there.

476. Really? Can we, like, stay with him?

477. You fine with staying in a federal prison?

478. Wait, wait, wait. Guys.

479. How are we paying for all of this?

480. Do you guys have any money?

481. Yeah, that's actually a really good question. Um...

482. Pool your money together, see how much we have.

483. Okay. Uh, 20, five, a one, and a one.

484. That's...

485. 27.

486. Yeah, 27. Yeah. Okay, how much do you have, Fred?

487. I have...

488. that.

489. 16 cents and a guitar pick.

490. That's all you got?

491. Actually, you owe me five.

492. So...

493. there's an extra five.

494. It's not an extra five.

495. It's the same five.

496. - You just dragged it across the thing. - Okay, well,

497. maybe you should go to my second grade math classes

498. - and learn that adding an extra five to— - Okay, Chad,

499. - how much do you— Chad! - It's the same— - It's not!

500. - Do math! - How much do you have?

501. I have 87, guys.

502. Fucking hell. Give it up for Chad.

503. Dude, we're freaking golden!

504. - We're golden? - Yeah.

505. Guys, we're screwed.

506. I know math is hard for you guys,

507. but we have to drive all the way there

508. and all the way back.

509. And we don't have even enough to get there.

510. Sorry, what's that?

511. - No, no, no! G— No! - Get that shit! Get it! Get it!

512. - It's for emergencies only! - Get it! - This is an emergency.

513. - Uh, hi. Excuse me, miss. Hi. - Stay!

514. Uh, can I get three cheeseburgers

515. and three milkshakes?

516. - Because he has a credit card. - Thanks, Chad.

517. Oh, gross.

518. Taxi!

519. Taxi!

520. Airport, please.

521. Uh... 'kay.

522. All right. Well, then who was the original drummer

523. for the Violent Femmes?

524. I don't actually know. Who?

525. I don't know, either.

526. Wait, do you guys hear that noise?

527. What is that?

528. Holy fuck. These are mushrooms.

529. Dude, are those your brother's?

530. Oh, shit, guys. My mom's calling me.

531. What do I do?

532. Uh, don't answer.

533. Okay. I won't.

534. I'm so sorry, guys.

535. I have to. I'm sorry.

536. She's gonna, like, call the FBI or something.

537. Hi, Mommy!

538. DEB Hi, snookums. How's the drive?

539. Are you wearing your seat belt?

540. - Yeah, it's fastened. - Oh, good.

541. Tommy's mom is a good driver.

542. Uh...

543. Tommy's mom is a good driver.

544. Oh, good. Put her on the phone for me.

545. Um...

546. Uh...

547. Uh, uh, hi, Mrs. Sweeney.

548. - It's Tommy. - Oh, hi, Tommy.

549. Put your mom on the phone.

550. Um, I unfortunately can't right now.

551. She's inside getting us some nutritious lunch.

552. Oh.

553. She knows Chad is allergic to tree nuts?

554. I'm not, Mom. I'm not allergic.

555. Yes, you are, mister.

556. The last time you had a teensy bit of a walnut,

557. - your anus blew up. - Mom!

558. Remember we had to put that

559. - special cream on your anus? - Mom, stop!

560. Mom!

561. What the fuck, Fred?

562. Boys, what's going on?

563. - I didn't do anything. - N-Nothing.

564. - We're just driving. - Driving?

565. Hey, it's fucking smoking. Pull over.

566. - No, it's-it's not. - Guys, shut up.

567. Uh, Mom, I'll call you back. I love you, okay?

568. - Pull over. - I am.

569. Calm down. I can see!

570. I have eyes. Did you ever think that I can fucking see?

571. Okay, Fred, just pull over and pop it.

572. It's not my fault, though.

573. Pop it.

574. You kids are crazy!

575. Hey, you owe us 50 bucks!

576. - No, I don't! - Oh, shit.

577. - It's not that bad. - Yes, it is.

578. It's really bad.

579. No, all we need is those, uh, bouncy,

580. uh, things, those, um...

581. - Jumper cables? - Yeah, those.

582. You need another car for that to work.

583. - I don't think so. - Yes, you do.

584. You need another power source.

585. Oh! Dude!

586. The car has a car lighter.

587. Oh.

588. Fucking dumbasses.

589. Maybe he can help us.

590. Which one of you goons gassed up at my station back there?

591. - Gaggle of numbnuts here. - Um...

592. I gave you the credit card.

593. - Me? - Yeah.

594. I think so.

595. - Hi. I'm the goon. - Son.

596. All my years of owning a gas station,

597. I have never met anybody as stupid as you.

598. You don't even know what you did, did you?

599. - No. - Yeah.

600. You filled your vehicle up with diesel!

601. Oh, Jesus.

602. Is that why it's not running?

603. Oh, look, Bobby Brady grew a brain cell.

604. - Way to go, dumb-ass. - Hey, hey, hey.

605. That's not even the dumbest thing this shit stain did.

606. - Shit. - What else did I do?

607. You drove away with this in your vehicle!

608. - God. - Is that bad?

609. Yeah, it is!

610. You never, ever, ever come to my gas station again.

611. Capisce?

612. Never, ever, ever!

613. Wait.

614. Sir, please! Can you hold on a minute?

615. - No! - No, no. We're a band! We're opening for Green Day!

616. Please, we need to make it to L.A.!

617. Yeah, nobody gives a shit!

618. Sir, I'm begging you! I'm so sorry for my friend!

619. That has nothing to do with me!

620. Please, please, please, please, please!

621. Fuck!

622. I'm sorry, Tommy.

623. - I don't want to hear anything. - I'm sorry, okay?

624. I used the green one!

625. Yeah, the green one is fucking diesel, Fred.

626. And I don't know what that is, Chad!

627. It means you're a dumb-ass, okay?

628. And-and-and my brother's gonna kill me!

629. Yeah, and we're stranded now.

630. Oh, everybody's always like, "Go green."

631. So that's what I did!

632. - Yeah. - I went green!

633. And now we're not fucking going anywhere.

634. Way to go, Fred.

635. You calling a tow truck?

636. No, I'm calling my mom.

637. Why-why are you calling your mom?

638. Because he probably needs some more cream for in his butt!

639. It wasn't in my butt, okay?

640. It was around the rim.

641. I'm done, guys. I'm done.

642. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. We-we can't go home.

643. Dude, this is silly.

644. Tré Cool called

645. and said we should open for them?

646. It doesn't make sense.

647. Yeah, you didn't fucking talk to him.

648. Okay. It's fair.

649. But did you think maybe he was just joking?

650. - Joking? - Yeah.

651. He was just messing with us.

652. You think he was joking?

653. I don't know.

654. Okay.

655. It's possible that he was joking.

656. But what if he wasn't?

657. That's also possible.

658. I mean, yeah, dude.

659. Like, it happened for the Linda Lindas,

660. and they're younger than we are.

661. See? It could happen!

662. Okay, so we're not going home.

663. Okay, we're gonna push the car down to those lights over there.

664. Let's go.

665. Let's go, Chad.

666. What lights?

667. Come on, Chad.

668. I'm going!

669. Hurry up!

670. Fucking ass.

671. Please fuck off.

672. Hey! You see that?

673. A-An airplane?

674. We should be on a fucking airplane,

675. not pushing this car, Tommy.

676. Hmm?

677. No. Wait. No.

678. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

679. No, no!

680. Wayne!

681. - What's going on, man? - Where's the fucking cab?

682. - What? The cab's— - Where...

683. Where's the fucking cab?

684. - Where's the fucking cab? - Oh, no.

685. - Not today. - Dude, where the fuck is it?

686. Not today. Not today!

687. Is it there? Do you see it?

688. - Mushrooms. - That little son of a bitch.

689. Ah!

690. I'm gonna kill this fucking kid.

691. Turn in here.

692. - Hey, brother. - Hey, dude. Hey.

693. All right.

694. Okay, let's, uh...

695. Let's see if someone in here can help us.

696. Are you sure?

697. I mean, that doesn't seem like a safe...

698. Good evening, sirs.

699. Um, I'm not leaving my bass in the car.

700. Yeah, good point. Can you get mine?

701. Yeah!

702. Hey! We got time

703. for one more band.

704. - $500 cash prize. - Wait.

705. Wait, 500 bucks?

706. I'm sorry, ma'am. We're not here for that.

707. W-We actually need help.

708. Um, no, no, actually, we'd like to sign up.

709. - All right. - Hey, what the hell are you doing?

710. Do you want to keep on pulling out your credit card?

711. Guys, we don't know any country songs.

712. Yeah, we do.

713. Ain't that right, Fred?

714. - Yeah, we do. - What song?

715. - What song is that? - Sign us up!

716. - Hey, go get your shit. - Wh— No!

717. Guys, no, we will get jumped!

718. We can't do that here. Fred, stop!

719. - Seriously. - Aah! We're playing this shit!

720. - Stop. - Get your ass on that stage, boy.

721. Here we go!

722. All right, hey, hey!

723. Everyone settle the fuck down!

724. We have one more band. Get up here, guys!

725. Come on.

726. Come on up here.

727. These guys are from...

728. I don't know where they're from, actually.

729. This is your name? Serious-Seriously?

730. Give it up for Anal Dogs!

731. What the fuck, Fred?

732. We're actually called Analog Dogs.

733. Who let the dogs out?

734. Who, who, who, who, who?

735. Go buy a fucking razor.

736. Okay, this is for all you lovers out there.

737. Ready?

738. So cheap.

739. Hit that shit, Chad!

740. Woo-hoo!

741. Come on, y'all!

742. Like your mom!

743. Lose your fucking mind!

744. So cheap!

745. Them staples!

746. Anal Dogs!

747. Yeah!

748. All right!

749. We got ourselves a winner!

750. Here you go, guys.

751. Whoo!

752. See, Chad? High school does pay off!

753. Wait, I'm sorr— high school?

754. How old are you boys?

755. - 17. - Aw, shit.

756. You got to give it back.

757. Come on.

758. No, hey! Shut up!

759. No, there are rules!

760. You have to be 21 to enter.

761. It says it on the form.

762. Okay, um, do any of you

763. - know how to fix a car? - Oh.

764. Colby. He's the best mechanic around.

765. Colby? You back there? Colber?

766. I can fix it.

767. I just need a wrench

768. and a Crescent wrench and-and hammer.

769. Two hammers and a wrench.

770. Goddamn it, Colby. These boys are stranded,

771. - and you're drunk. - I'm not drunk.

772. I can fix it. I just need a whole bunch of oil...

773. and a hammer to unscrew the driveshafts

774. and, um, a f— what do you c— uh, the fan thing.

775. I can fix it.

776. Colby, you couldn't fix

777. a goddamn gin and tonic right now.

778. Oh, I would like a gin and tonic, actually.

779. Oh, yeah, I bet you would.

780. I'm gonna go have one.

781. And, um...

782. maybe a rum and Coke and a margarita.

783. Dude, we're opening for Green Day,

784. and we need to be to L.A. by New Year's.

785. Sorry, boys.

786. That's not happening.

787. Come on, man.

788. Fuck.

789. Fuck, fuck.

790. Now what?

791. Um...

792. I mean, I have an idea.

793. What if we just cut off the left side of the car?

794. Why would we do that?

795. Well, 'cause then everything would be all right.

796. Look, I'm really not in the mood

797. for your dumb fucking jokes right now.

798. All right, guys.

799. I'm out.

800. What do you mean you're out?

801. I'm done.

802. Later, bitches.

803. Whoa, dude. What about us?

804. There is no us.

805. Uh...

806. Right, Fred?

807. What's he talking about? You want out, too?

808. Uh, uh, not really,

809. but wh-what other choice do we have, man?

810. We're fucking teenagers.

811. We have nothing but choices.

812. You know, I get it.

813. All right, you're scared.

814. All right? I-I'm fucking scared, too.

815. Okay, the Palladium? All those fucking people?

816. I'm terrified.

817. All right? But, you know what, I-I bet Keith Moon freaked out

818. a time or two.

819. But did he ever fucking quit?

820. And you always talk about Dee Dee Ramone

821. and how that guy has nothing to lose.

822. You've got less than him.

823. I mean, come on!

824. You know what? I'm drawing a line.

825. Okay?

826. Last year or next year? Because I'm not going back.

827. I know what's back there. It's all the bullshit.

828. Okay? So...

829. I drew a line.

830. You can't really see it, but it's there.

831. I can see it.

832. Then what are you gonna choose?

833. Last year or next year?

834. Uh...

835. Next year, dude.

836. Come on, Chad.

837. I mean, that—

838. that was fucking awesome!

839. I mean, don't you want to feel like that again?

840. It's...

841. Guys, I'm not even sure I'm gonna be in the band next year.

842. What-what are you talking about?

843. My parents say I got to, like,

844. start focusing on college now.

845. College?

846. What about Keith Moon, man?

847. Hey, boys!

848. Is it true you're opening for Green Day on New Year's Eve?

849. Yeah.

850. Shit.

851. You got to get your butts out of here.

852. We don't have a car.

853. What about that thing?

854. I had a customer leave it here, like, a year ago

855. 'cause he couldn't pay his bar tab.

856. I think he lived in it for a little bit.

857. - Well, does it run? - For sure.

858. Colby fixed it.

859. - I'm a mechanic. - Sometimes.

860. Yeah! We're going to L.A., Chadsky!

861. - Go. - I-I-I don't know how to thank you.

862. You don't need to thank me.

863. Just go give 'em hell.

864. Thank you.

865. Hello?

866. Hey, hey! Excuse me? Hello?

867. Anyone— Oh.

868. What's up?

869. Uh, could I get a sundae?

870. - A what? - A sundae.

871. Like an ice cream sundae.

872. Oh. Oh, no, we don't have ice cream.

873. Seriously?

874. I mean, dude, you're driving an ice cream truck.

875. Yeah. But it's not, like-like, o-ours.

876. Oh.

877. Man, that's not cool.

878. Uh, I don't know about you, Cassidy,

879. but my heart's a little broken.

880. - Yeah. Me, too. - You should be ashamed of yourself.

881. Um...

882. Uh, yeah, sorry. Um...

883. W-We're just a band.

884. We borrowed this. We're driving to L.A.

885. You're a band?

886. Yeah.

887. What kind of music?

888. Good music.

889. Really?

890. Good music.

891. Interesting.

892. Yeah. Interesting.

893. Uh, uh, uh, hey, uh,

894. wh-what do you mean, "interesting"?

895. You looking for me?

896. Sorry?

897. Oh, no, I was looking for, um, these.

898. Downy Fabric Softener?

899. Yeah, I need some Downy Fa... uh, whatever you just said.

900. Yeah, you doing much laundry?

901. Oh, is that what these are for?

902. Okay, um...

903. maybe I was looking for you.

904. Mm, cool. I was looking for you.

905. - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.

906. There is a party I wanted to tell you about.

907. Cool. I like parties.

908. Yeah?

909. Why were you looking for me?

910. 'Cause I was wondering if you were gonna tell me

911. about any parties.

912. Yeah, well, then, you are in luck.

913. There is one at this place called The Hole in Amarillo.

914. It's only, like, 30 minutes from here,

915. but there's a little map.

916. Shit, um...

917. I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.

918. We have to get to L.A. by New Year's.

919. You think you're making it to L.A. in that thing?

920. Tommy.

921. You have the credit card?

922. Yeah, yeah.

923. Oh, and, um, uh, go get yourself some ice cream.

924. Thank you.

925. That is very generous.

926. Oh, I'm not paying for it.

927. Hey. Let me fill you up.

928. All right, boys, we're taking a detour.

929. Wait, what?

930. Aw, dude, Tommy's in love.

931. I scream! You scream!

932. She's gonna scream for your cream!

933. How the fuck is everybody doing today?

934. We are The Paradox. Happy to be out here.

935. Fucking shit up for y'all in The Hole.

936. This is a song called "Ms. Lauren"

937. about a really hot teacher. Hope y'all like it.

938. Get the fuck up!

939. Where are we going?

940. Where the hell are we?

941. This is The Hole?

942. Dude. Girls.

943. And they actually have teeth, Fred.

944. - Hey, Chad. - Yeah?

945. You want to eat Wayne's mushrooms?

946. Dude, what? No, of course not.

947. Have you met me?

948. Whoa!

949. - Eat a bag of dicks, asshole! - Whoa, Keith.

950. They didn't have any onion rings,

951. so I got you celery sticks.

952. Celery... Why-why not fries?

953. I thought you wanted a vegetable.

954. Isn't that why you ordered an onion?

955. Onion rings is not a fucking vegetable, Keith.

956. But they are, dawg.

957. Did you not learn your food groups?

958. Who fucking dropped you?

959. It's my mom.

960. - Just be quiet, please. - All right. She's hot, though.

961. - Say hi. - Shut the fuck...

962. What's up, Jodi?

963. Hey, Mom, sorry. Keith. Um...

964. JODI Wayne, Wayne, where's Tommy?

965. He's not answering his phone.

966. - What? - He's missing.

967. I'm afraid he went to Los Angeles on his own.

968. Missing? No, he... Tom... No, he's not missing.

969. Tommy's with me. I mean, I'm with him. We're together.

970. Oh, you're with him?

971. Yeah, yeah, I'm with him.

972. I decided to take him to L.A.

973. He should've told you. Did he not tell you?

974. Yo, you guys were fucking awesome.

975. Thanks.

976. What happened to going to L.A.?

977. Um, you know what?

978. It was the fabric softener.

979. You know, I was driving along and I thought to myself,

980. "I really should've bought that fabric softener."

981. Mm. Yeah, no, you're gonna regret that.

982. Oh, I know. I really fucked up.

983. Guy's in a hurry.

984. What are you gonna do now?

985. Oh, well, my plan was to go to this party

986. and ask that girl from the store...

987. Ask her what?

988. For her number.

989. Hold this.

990. Wha...

991. What are you writing?

992. I highly recommend you don't wash this shirt.

993. Okay. What about your name?

994. Olivia?

995. - Mm-hmm. - Olivia.

996. I like the way you say it.

997. Olivia.

998. I'm sorry. I...

999. Um...

1000. - Oh, God. - Tommy, right?

1001. Yeah, yeah.

1002. Thanks for coming, Tommy.

1003. Uh, thanks for inviting me.

1004. Hey, guys, these skaters are so lit.

1005. He's a work in progress.

1006. Oh, my God.

1007. I don't have hands.

1008. Tommy?

1009. Hey, um... can you see me?

1010. Do you guys hear a voice?

1011. Oh, my God, there's a ghost.

1012. What the hell? Have I heard of you guys?

1013. No, definitely not.

1014. Then how... how are you opening for Green Day?

1015. - Honestly, I don't know. - Hey, guys.

1016. Th-There's something's wrong with your friend.

1017. Fred!

1018. Fred?

1019. FRED Oh, my God...

1020. Fred, where you at, bud?

1021. Fred!

1022. Stop talking to me!

1023. Fucking invisible, man.

1024. What's up?

1025. I just want to be seen, man.

1026. I just want to be seen.

1027. I've been so lonely, dude.

1028. I, um, I think he took mushrooms.

1029. Oh.

1030. This just fucking sucks, man.

1031. I just want to be seen.

1032. It's all I want to be.

1033. Oh, my God.

1034. Let me try and talk to him.

1035. Oh, it's so fucking bad, dude.

1036. It's so fucking bad, 'cause I'm fucking invisible.

1037. I'm never gonna make it, 'cause I have a fucking ghost penis.

1038. Fred!

1039. Where are you, man? I can't see you.

1040. If-if you're...

1041. If you're around here, you can take my hand

1042. so that I know where you are.

1043. Oh.

1044. Shoot, there you are, man.

1045. Mm, good news: I can feel you.

1046. Uh, and I can hear you.

1047. How about we just sit here and breathe for a minute?

1048. Look, Fred,

1049. it totally, totally sucks that you're invisible right now.

1050. But, you know, I am sure

1051. that this whole invisible thing will wear off soon.

1052. I-If you kind of think about it,

1053. this is actually kind of cool.

1054. I personally have never met an invisible person before.

1055. Have you?

1056. I've never met anybody invisible.

1057. Yeah. Dude, you're, like, the first invisible person

1058. to ever exist.

1059. That's pretty fucking cool, man.

1060. Whoa.

1061. Actually, you know what we should do?

1062. Is we should get your band onstage,

1063. - and that way you can, like, play a show... - Mm.

1064. while you're still invisible, yeah?

1065. It's a pretty cool idea, dude.

1066. Well, I guess that means...

1067. it's showtime, dude.

1068. That's the spirit.

1069. Bye, man.

1070. How did you do that?

1071. Um...

1072. my sister used to have panic attacks, so...

1073. You're incredible.

1074. - We're playing "Freaking Out." - Yeah?

1075. Is it gonna rain?

1076. D-Don't worry about it.

1077. Stand there.

1078. Yo!

1079. We're Analog Dogs!

1080. Hit that shit, Fred.

1081. Fucking fell into the pit, and all the people,

1082. they picked you up.

1083. - Is your face good? - I didn't fall.

1084. I did not enjoy that.

1085. I'm all dirty.

1086. Hey.

1087. What do you want with that car?

1088. Uh, this is actually mine.

1089. Is my little brother inside?

1090. - Tommy? - Yeah.

1091. No, they left.

1092. - Where'd they go? - California.

1093. They're opening for Green Day.

1094. They're not, though.

1095. I-I played a prank on them.

1096. Wow.

1097. That's a dick move.

1098. Yeah, I know.

1099. What an asshole.

1100. Oh, shit, it's my mom.

1101. Don't answer it.

1102. Hey, Mom.

1103. JODI Where the hell is Tommy?

1104. Where's Tommy?

1105. Oh, he's right here.

1106. Oh. Thank God. Put him on the phone.

1107. Okay, sure. Yeah, uh, one second.

1108. Can you do Tommy?

1109. Can I do Tommy, bro?

1110. Are you kidding? Give me that.

1111. Give me that.

1112. Uh, hi, Mom.

1113. Tommy?

1114. Yeah. Hi, Mommy.

1115. We're having a great time. What's up?

1116. Is this Keith?

1117. What? I wish.

1118. Nah, I'm just Tommy.

1119. Shut up, Keith.

1120. - Put Wayne back on. - For sure, Jodi.

1121. Uh, I can't do Tommy.

1122. - I can only do celebrities. - Shut up, man.

1123. Well, he's not famous, bro.

1124. - He's not even verified. - Hey, Mom.

1125. What the hell is going on there, Wayne?

1126. Tommy told Chad that I was driving the boys

1127. to Los Angeles.

1128. W-Well, why would he say that?

1129. I'm driving him. He's lying.

1130. Well, uh, Chad's mom just came into the restaurant.

1131. She's obviously a little shocked.

1132. I don't... I mean, what the hell?

1133. Where is Tommy?

1134. I-I don't know.

1135. Wayne.

1136. Wayne, listen to me.

1137. I've already lost a husband, Wayne.

1138. I can't handle losing a son.

1139. Yeah, I know, Mom.

1140. I'm sorry.

1141. You really don't have to keep on doing this.

1142. It's fine.

1143. I want to.

1144. Ew.

1145. Never mind. Now I don't.

1146. You know, um...

1147. I was thinking.

1148. Mm-hmm.

1149. What are you, um, what are you doing for New Year's?

1150. 'Cause you should, um... you should come to L.A. with us.

1151. If you want.

1152. Yeah, um...

1153. Nah, it's all good.

1154. - Forget I said anything... - No, no, no, no, no, no.

1155. Stop. I do. I-I really want to, um...

1156. - It's just... - Boyfriend?

1157. You got a boyfriend? She... She's got a boyfriend.

1158. No, I don't have a boyfriend.

1159. Girlfriend?

1160. No.

1161. She's got a girlfriend.

1162. I don't— no, nothing like that.

1163. Um, it's just, my parents are out of town.

1164. I have to watch my little sister.

1165. - Cassidy? - Mm-hmm.

1166. She'll be fine. I mean...

1167. look at her.

1168. Or we could just take her with us.

1169. No, not...

1170. No, I can't do that, Tommy. My parents would kill me.

1171. Hmm.

1172. But you're not gonna stay out there, right?

1173. I don't know. Maybe.

1174. All right, so then you'll come back through?

1175. Maybe.

1176. Are you guys gonna kiss?

1177. 'Cause, I mean...

1178. I don't know, are we?

1179. Mm...

1180. Maybe.

1181. If you come back.

1182. Well, then, I'm definitely coming back.

1183. Yo, I need you guys to get up. I need your help.

1184. Huh? What happened?

1185. I-I don't know, I think I made a wrong turn.

1186. Come on, get up.

1187. Chad, come on.

1188. Where the hell is Chad?

1189. - Where the hell is Chad? - Huh?

1190. Where the hell is Chad? He's, like, gone.

1191. Oh, dude, he's just in the front seat, probably.

1192. No, he, like, disappeared.

1193. Fuck.

1194. What?

1195. He quit.

1196. He fucking quit.

1197. Man, after everything I did for him.

1198. You know, he was this close to becoming

1199. such a great rock and roll drummer.

1200. Now he's just gonna be another... another douchebag.

1201. Okay, it's just, he's not desperate,

1202. Tommy, he's just not like us.

1203. No, I know, Fred, it's just,

1204. I never thought he'd actually quit.

1205. I mean, I'm actually hurt, man.

1206. What are we gonna do now?

1207. What can we do?

1208. We'll just find a new drummer.

1209. We can't find a new drummer. The show is in two days.

1210. We'll put up really good flyers, man.

1211. Hey, give me a break.

1212. Where are you going?

1213. To use the phone.

1214. To make a flyer?

1215. Wait up.

1216. Tommy.

1217. Uh... hello?

1218. Is anyone there?

1219. There's a bell.

1220. What's that smell?

1221. MAN Think I'm gonna fuck with these kids.

1222. Can I help you guys?

1223. What can I do for you guys?

1224. Uh, w-we're lost.

1225. Can we use your phone?

1226. My phone?

1227. You guys don't have phones?

1228. W-We lost ours.

1229. Mm-hmm.

1230. Where are you guys from?

1231. - Kansas City. - Kansas City.

1232. I don't know it.

1233. Are you serious?

1234. It's in Kansas, the state.

1235. Yeah, I'm serious.

1236. I don't know it.

1237. I know some cities. I know Fresno.

1238. I know Mesquite.

1239. I know Rancho Cucamonga.

1240. That's three.

1241. Yeah, um, cool.

1242. We're gonna go. Thank you.

1243. I wouldn't do that if I were you.

1244. It's not safe out there.

1245. It gets very dark at night,

1246. and strange things happen in the dark.

1247. If I were you, I'd just shack up for the night,

1248. get a nice, restful sleep,

1249. wake up fresh in the morning, brand-new start.

1250. Yeah, well, we can't afford it, man.

1251. You can't afford $35?

1252. We don't have $35.

1253. Do you have $25?

1254. No, um...

1255. Actually... we do.

1256. I stole Chad's card.

1257. - Here you go. - No, I didn't hear that.

1258. All right, we doing $25 or $35?

1259. Tw...

1260. - $35. - All right.

1261. Here we go.

1262. Here's your card.

1263. Welcome to the Lincoln Motel.

1264. Just follow me.

1265. Here we go.

1266. You know, this motel was built near three insane asylums.

1267. All within a few miles.

1268. The guards are the worst.

1269. They just let everyone escape.

1270. There's one particularly dangerous patient...

1271. who no one can seem to find or see.

1272. I think he likes it here.

1273. In fact, I know he does.

1274. I know he likes it... right here.

1275. 203. All right.

1276. Here we go.

1277. Come on in.

1278. So this is your room that you're gonna be staying in.

1279. Don't go walking around the grounds or anything like that.

1280. That's the TV.

1281. If you need to use it, come and get me.

1282. I will turn it on. Okay?

1283. Uh, bed.

1284. Um... bathroom.

1285. Uh, the shower doesn't work exactly right,

1286. so if you need to use the shower,

1287. it's the same as the TV.

1288. Just come and get me, and I'll turn it on for you.

1289. Uh... light.

1290. You know.

1291. And, uh...

1292. this closet is not part of the room.

1293. This is my property.

1294. All right? I keep my things in here.

1295. Do not open it.

1296. Do you understand?

1297. Okay? This is my closet.

1298. You're renting the rest of this.

1299. That's you, this is me.

1300. Don't even attempt it.

1301. Excuse me.

1302. I'm gonna leave your key here.

1303. And, uh, get some sleep.

1304. Yeah, um, sorry, I just have one question.

1305. Does that phone work?

1306. No.

1307. Don't wake up Sleepy.

1308. Who's Sleepy?

1309. So what's the plan?

1310. We still gonna go to L.A.?

1311. What the fuck?

1312. What? I'm talking to you.

1313. I mean, can you not see me again?

1314. We don't have a fucking drummer, Fred.

1315. So we just gonna give up?

1316. Why is it up to me?

1317. You just always know what to do.

1318. Yeah, well... I don't, so, yeah, I guess we're giving up.

1319. But... but what about all that stuff

1320. that you said about Dee Dee Ramone?

1321. No, you said all that stuff.

1322. You gave me a big pep talk

1323. because you said... he was a legend,

1324. you said that he was brave

1325. because he-he believed in himself

1326. and that, mainly, he didn't give up, man.

1327. I didn't say any of that.

1328. Well, that's what I got from it.

1329. I was bullshitting, man.

1330. All right, it's like when I was a kid.

1331. My dad— he used to, he used to hype us up,

1332. you know, tell me about the dreams he had for us

1333. and moving to a new school, to a new neighborhood and...

1334. all that hopeful shit.

1335. Okay, those were pipe dreams.

1336. Man, he died on a cot in our living room.

1337. Dude, take it easy.

1338. Okay.

1339. All right.

1340. If we're gonna throw a pity party,

1341. I'm gonna bring a fucking clown.

1342. Not the fucking puppet, please.

1343. Yeah, the puppet, please.

1344. "Uh, hey, uh, what's the difference

1345. "between, uh, Tommy's attitude and a bucket of shit?

1346. The bucket."

1347. "Hey, uh, knock knock."

1348. I said, "Knock knock." Do you know how these jokes work?

1349. Stop with the fucking kid shit, man!

1350. Hey, you're like a little kid.

1351. "Tommy, when's this? Tommy, when's that?"

1352. Screw you, man, all right?

1353. You're fucking selfish.

1354. Worst friend I've ever had.

1355. Yeah, I'm the only friend you've ever had.

1356. I wish you never taught me how to play bass.

1357. I wish we never started a band.

1358. Well, that's really good for you because I fucking quit the band.

1359. - Oh, yeah? You quit? - Yeah! Yeah, I do!

1360. I fucking quit, all right?

1361. So, um, say bye to Gravy

1362. 'cause you're never talking to him again,

1363. and tell me where my fucking sunglasses are, Tommy.

1364. What the fuck is this?

1365. What the fuck? Is that someone's head?

1366. I said don't wake up Sleepy!

1367. Go, go, go, go, he's a serial killer.

1368. Oh, God! It was a head, it was a head, it was a head,

1369. it was a fucking— it was a head, it was a head.

1370. - Go, go, go, go, drive! - Hey, I'm going!

1371. Thank you for visiting the Lincoln Motel.

1372. Anything for you?

1373. Uh, no, thank you. I'll just eat his.

1374. No, you won't.

1375. Can I have a piece of bacon?

1376. Okay.

1377. I'm all out.

1378. Okay, look, I'm sorry.

1379. I was tired, I was frustrated.

1380. I'm sorry.

1381. "What did the leper say to the prostitute?

1382. Keep the tip."

1383. "I went to the doctor to get an exam.

1384. "He told me I need to stop masturbating.

1385. "I said, 'Why, Doc?'

1386. He said, "Cause I'm trying to examine you.'"

1387. You laughed, bitch.

1388. I'm not a little kid, man.

1389. All right? I was just asking

1390. because I thought we were a team.

1391. We are a team.

1392. Well, teammates ask each other questions, okay,

1393. like what's the plan, teammate?

1394. Where are we going now, teammate?

1395. Yeah, oh, who is our drummer, teammate?

1396. I'm sorry.

1397. Now, what do you need?

1398. I need you to take back that stuff

1399. about me being a little kid.

1400. You know I'm sensitive about that.

1401. I know.

1402. And I take it back.

1403. What else?

1404. I need us to go to L.A. like we talked about.

1405. Deal.

1406. Anything else?

1407. I need to dine and dash.

1408. Why?

1409. Because I've never done it, you've never done it.

1410. We're in a punk band

1411. and we're opening up for fucking Green Day.

1412. All right.

1413. But don't, like, dash.

1414. You know, be normal.

1415. "Eat my shorts!"

1416. It's actually surprisingly easy.

1417. What's that noise?

1418. Oh, it's crickets.

1419. Whatever.

1420. What the fuck? It's not starting.

1421. What the fuck?

1422. Did you put diesel in it again?

1423. No.

1424. Okay, at the gas station, what'd you put in it?

1425. No, I didn't go near the pump.

1426. Then what'd you put in it?

1427. Nothing. I didn't know what to put in there, so I put nothing.

1428. So we have no fucking gas?

1429. Yo, is that Chad's mom?

1430. Yes, I knew I'd find you!

1431. Ha ha!

1432. I knew I'd find you! Yes!

1433. Yes!

1434. Mom of the year.

1435. Yes, I knew I'd find you!

1436. Match point for Debs.

1437. - Chad's mom is fucking crazy. - Match point for Debs.

1438. - Yeah. - AirTag, baby.

1439. I snuck an AirTag in Chad's drum kit.

1440. Ha ha.

1441. Chad, get out here!

1442. Okay, baby, it's time.

1443. Read them your statement.

1444. Yeah, baby, read us your statement.

1445. I, um...

1446. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget.

1447. Yo, bitches, it's me, Chad.

1448. Guys, I'm resigning from the band

1449. and I'm really sorry.

1450. The truth is, as much as I want to be,

1451. I'm not punk rock like you guys.

1452. I constantly overthink things

1453. and I don't know how to be impulsive.

1454. - Hey, what the fuck is that? - Wait, hold on, there's more.

1455. No, we're not done.

1456. What are you talking about?

1457. I mean, we can still do this.

1458. Okay.

1459. I want a photo.

1460. Need some photographic evidence for...

1461. for Jodi and Fred's mom.

1462. Wait, Mrs. Sweeney,

1463. can you please take us to L.A.?

1464. Please.

1465. - What? Get up. - Mrs. Sweeney, I'm begging you.

1466. - This is all that I ask. - Tommy, get up right now.

1467. Deborah, please.

1468. - Don't call me Deborah, Fred. - Please, Deb... - Please.

1469. - Mrs. Debbie. - Mrs. Sweeney, we're so close.

1470. - This is ridiculous. - Mom... - Debbie...

1471. Chad, get up right now!

1472. It was cute for a second.

1473. It's not cute now, okay?

1474. It's over.

1475. We're going home.

1476. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1477. Hey, roll your window down.

1478. You can't park here.

1479. - We're Analog Dogs. - Yeah, we're the opening band.

1480. What?

1481. What, you're an air-conditioning company?

1482. No, we're Analog Dogs.

1483. Okay, look, this is a concert, it's not a dog show.

1484. Yeah, we're not a dog show.

1485. Yeah, music, dude.

1486. - Like... - Okay, hey, hey,

1487. I don't know what you're talking about.

1488. Park right here.

1489. Go over to the other side.

1490. Talk to Otis.

1491. Sick.

1492. Whoa-whoa-whoa- whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.

1493. This entrance is for artists only, boys.

1494. Okay, are you Otis?

1495. The guy over there said to talk to you.

1496. Who are you?

1497. We're Analog Dogs.

1498. I'm sorry, you're who?

1499. Analog Dogs.

1500. We're the opening band.

1501. Um, what the fuck are you talking about?

1502. Okay, look, I don't know if anyone told you,

1503. but Tré Cool asked us to come here and open for them tonight.

1504. - He listened to our demo and loved it. - Yeah,

1505. we're on the list under Analog Dogs, man, D-O-G-S.

1506. Oh, here it is, it's under...

1507. Do you think I was born yesterday?

1508. No, you look older than that.

1509. Tré Cool did not call you guys.

1510. Yeah, he did.

1511. "Yeah, he did."

1512. Puberty is so hard.

1513. Okay, look, I know what the problem is.

1514. Okay, we're probably under Anal Dogs.

1515. Are you listening to me?

1516. Are you listening to us?

1517. Okay, we need to do sound check.

1518. - Okay, fuck this. Move. - Hold on a minute. Okay.

1519. Tré Cool is in there. Tell him we're out there.

1520. - He knows we're coming. - Get out of here, man!

1521. - Fucking horseshit! - Next!

1522. I'm sorry, man. I-I really don't want to say it,

1523. - but I told you so. - Shut up. Shut up. It's okay. It's...

1524. It's a misunderstanding. We'll figure it out.

1525. Hey. I'm, uh, here to drop this off for Green Day.

1526. - Oh, did the blood come out? - Yeah.

1527. Okay, you got to go to the other backstage entrance.

1528. It's on the other side. Just hug the wall, brah.

1529. - Thanks. - Okay.

1530. Okay.

1531. I got an idea.

1532. Where are you going?

1533. Tommy.

1534. Uh, excuse me. Is this the bunny suit?

1535. - Uh, yeah, yeah. - Oh, okay. Is the blood out?

1536. - Yeah. - Amazing. Okay, we'll take that.

1537. - Oh. Hey, he actually... - Thank you so much.

1538. - He told me to take it back— - Oh, that guy?

1539. He doesn't know anything. Yeah, no, uh, we need it

1540. for something over here, so you did a great job.

1541. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

1542. Fred, put this on.

1543. And, you, put on that bunny suit.

1544. Aah! Chadsky!

1545. Bunny.

1546. Bunny. Hey. Bunny.

1547. - Bunny. - Chad.

1548. - Chad. - Bunny.

1549. Here are the tickets for the giveaway.

1550. Let's find someone who doesn't have tickets

1551. and make their day.

1552. Tommy, tickets.

1553. Very funny.

1554. Someone outside.

1555. Aw, come on.

1556. Wait, where are we doing?

1557. - Good luck, Chad. - Tommy, help! - Later.

1558. Okay, um...

1559. Let's find Tré Cool.

1560. Yeah. Tré Cool.

1561. That's fucking Blue.

1562. Hey.

1563. - Fred. - Dude.

1564. Fucking Blue.

1565. Uh... Tré Cool?

1566. - Oh, hi. - All right, bunny coming through!

1567. Hi.

1568. 'Scuse us. Thank you.

1569. - Thank you. Yes. - This is fun.

1570. Hi, everybody. Hey.

1571. High five.

1572. Out of our way, please. Thank you.

1573. Hey. What are you doing?

1574. Give me that.

1575. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

1576. - Get out of here. - Yeah.

1577. 'Sup, Tony?

1578. Hey!

1579. Okay. Look, um, I swear I'm just—

1580. Come here!

1581. Take this hat off, man!

1582. Okay, look, I'm so sorry. I was just looking

1583. - for Tré Cool— - What'd I tell you, man?

1584. - Yo, where do I put this? - Just put it there.

1585. No one's gonna take that shit.

1586. See Tommy?

1587. No, but these California people are weirding me out, dude.

1588. Okay, whatever, man. We need to find Tommy.

1589. Tommy boy!

1590. - Tommy! - Come here, boy!

1591. Let's see that sign. Hold it up nice and big.

1592. Flip it around. Upside down.

1593. Awesome. Do a little hop— dance.

1594. Perfect. Who needs tickets?

1595. - Who? - No way, no way.

1596. - What? No way. - Tickets, tickets.

1597. - Yeah, we do, we do. - Free tickets.

1598. - It's your lucky day. - What?

1599. - Fucking oh, shit. - Congratulations.

1600. You're going to see Green Day tonight.

1601. - Enjoy the show. - No way!

1602. There's no way we got tickets to Green Day.

1603. Yo— wait, wait. Wh-What about Tommy?

1604. Hey, screw that. Let's get in line.

1605. What are you talking about?

1606. These are on the floor!

1607. - What'd I say? - All right, chill out.

1608. The next time I catch you, I'm gonna put you in a kimura.

1609. - Huh? - What the fuck is that?

1610. Brazilian jiujitsu, man.

1611. Get this punk bastard out. Get out of here, man!

1612. Give me that jacket.

1613. Give me that jacket. Give me that jacket.

1614. I want it.

1615. Don't come back. Hey.

1616. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1617. Okay, you got to let me in there. My band's in there.

1618. Nope. No ticket, you can't get inside.

1619. I have the bunny. We're coming right now.

1620. Ooh. Ooh.

1621. They're about to start. Come on.

1622. What?

1623. Oh, Tré Cool.

1624. Dude, where have you been?

1625. - It's about to start. - Yeah, I fucking know, man.

1626. We got in the wrong goddamn line.

1627. This shit's moving so slow.

1628. I'm gonna freak out if we miss any of the show.

1629. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

1630. Dude, dude, dude, I think that's Tommy.

1631. Yo. He looks so upset.

1632. - I bet he's crying. - Fuck you, Keith.

1633. - What? - That's my little brother.

1634. Wait, so he's not the fiddler?

1635. Where you going, dude? We're almost to the front!

1636. Just— yo, get my shrooms!

1637. I'll see you in there!

1638. Green Day! Green Day!

1639. AUDIENCE Green Day! Green Day!

1640. Green Day! Green Day!

1641. Green Day! Green Day!

1642. Go. Go, go, go. You're on! You're on!

1643. I don't have the ability to get you inside.

1644. - Please, just... - Tommy.

1645. Wayne, what are you...

1646. I'm not in the mood right now. Give me a second.

1647. - Okay, please, come on. - You're not opening for Green Day.

1648. - I-I-I, I am, it's just... - No, you're not,

1649. Tommy, I...

1650. I was messing with you, man.

1651. What?

1652. Yes! Oh, my God, it's Green Day! Yes!

1653. Billie Joe! Billie Joe!

1654. You're saying Tré Cool didn't call me?

1655. No, that was Keith.

1656. It was a joke. I'm sorry.

1657. It was a joke?

1658. - Fuck you, man. - Tommy, wait.

1659. Come on, man. Where you going? Hey.

1660. Look, I'm-I'm sorry. I...

1661. What-what do you want? You want to hit me?

1662. You know what, Wayne?

1663. At Dad's funeral, they said,

1664. "Stand up if you're gonna take care of Tommy.

1665. Stand up if you're gonna help Tommy."

1666. Do you know who stood up?

1667. You did.

1668. Yeah, I know I did, and I meant it.

1669. Really?

1670. I'm not a dad, okay?

1671. No shit. Okay?

1672. 'Cause all I ever get from you is, "Shut the fuck up, Tommy.

1673. Get the fuck out, Tommy."

1674. Never, "How are you?" or, "How are you doing?"

1675. Okay, I hear you. I do.

1676. But you know what, man?

1677. My dad died, too.

1678. Nobody asked, "Who's gonna look after Wayne?"

1679. Everybody was worried about you.

1680. What about me, man?

1681. I was just a couple years older than you are now.

1682. You ever think about that?

1683. I guess I don't.

1684. Nobody does, man.

1685. Look, I'm sorry, Wayne. That sucks.

1686. Whatever, man.

1687. Death is fucking messy.

1688. Look...

1689. I never thought you were gonna drive across the country.

1690. I mean, what the fuck, dude? I thought you'd get it.

1691. It's goddamn Keith.

1692. Yeah, I mean, I really thought it was Tré Cool.

1693. Then again, I don't really know what Tré Cool sounds like, so...

1694. So, are we good?

1695. Yeah, we're good.

1696. This bunny gave me a ticket earlier. Uh...

1697. You should have it.

1698. You should go see the show, man.

1699. Wait, really?

1700. Yeah. Go for it.

1701. Thanks.

1702. Okay. Um...

1703. Oh, and, uh, please don't forget

1704. how sorry you are when you find out about your car.

1705. I-I know about the car.

1706. You do?

1707. Yeah, um, just get in there.

1708. Do you know your enemy?

1709. Jump, jump, let's go!

1710. Holy fuck!

1711. Whoo!

1712. Come on!

1713. All right, who knows how to play the guitar?

1714. Who knows how to play?

1715. Who knows how to play? I'm dead serious.

1716. You know how to play? You know how to play?

1717. All right, you. You. Do you know how to play?

1718. You swear to God?

1719. All right, get your ass up here right now.

1720. Get your hands up in the air!

1721. Oh, oh.

1722. What the fuck? Yeah!

1723. Let's go, Fred! Whoo!

1724. When I say, "One, two, three, four,"

1725. I want to see everybody jumping, all right?

1726. Happy New Year!

1727. Whoo!

1728. You-you can have the guitar. You can keep it.

1729. Now practice!

1730. - Wayne. - Hey, Mom.

1731. Uh...

1732. - I found Tommy. - You did?

1733. Yeah, no, he's-he's okay, Mom.

1734. Uh, we're both okay.

1735. Oh, thank God.

1736. Everyone, hands up.

1737. The countdown is about to begin.

1738. Here's my toast for the New Year.

1739. I got champagne for my real friends

1740. and real pain for my sham friends.

1741. Hey. All right, ten...

1742. nine, eight, seven,

1743. six, five, four,

1744. three, two, one.

1745. Happy fucking New Year!

1746. Happy New Year!

1747. Oh, hey, yo.

1748. Wayne!

1749. Jesus, what the fuck's going on?

1750. Dude, this guy was the fucking bunny, bro.

1751. I was the bunny.

1752. - You gave us the tickets? - Yeah!

1753. - Bro, what the fuck? - That was me.

1754. - Wait, that was... - That was me.

1755. I didn't even realize that, dawg.

1756. I got a shirt, and I got most of it on my camcorder, too.

1757. - Oh, hell yeah. Okay. - Yes! Yes! Yes!

1758. - Yo! - Dude!

1759. - Billie Joe! - Fucking rocked!

1760. - Billie Joe gave it to me. - Bro, he played onstage.

1761. Look, it's not the sneaking in I object to.

1762. It's the lying.

1763. Kid, you don't know Green Day.

1764. I'm not lying. I do. Can I go?

1765. Oh, you do? Well, here's your chance.

1766. Hey, Billie Joe. You know this kid?

1767. Yeah.

1768. Analog Dogs.

1769. Yeah.

1770. Yeah, I heard your tape. You got that song...

1771. What's it— "Bored."

1772. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

1773. - It was good. Really good. Yeah. - Really?

1774. - Thank you. - I don't know, maybe we can

1775. hook up, like, produce or,

1776. you know, play a gig or something like that?

1777. I play the keys.

1778. Experimental jazz.

1779. - Oh. Good for you. - Yeah.

1780. All right, uh, Tré's got your number, so...

1781. - All right. - Otis.

1782. - Wong. - All right, take it easy, guys.

1783. - They call me "The Wong." - See you later, Billie Joe.

1784. Oh, man. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

1785. Told you.

1786. Yeah, you did. Yeah.

1787. Keys, huh?

1788. Dude, what?

1789. Tommy! Tommy, did you see?

1790. - Dude, dude, dude, dude. - It was insane!

1791. - I told you. - I don't even know, bro.

1792. I just...

1793. This guy was the fucking bunny, bro!

1794. Whoa.

1795. Oh!

1796. " by Green Day playing)

1797. - Blue. - Sky blue?

1798. Here they come!

1799. Let's go far away!