Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)

1. What if this was your house? Power's out. Lights are dead.

2. Your little ones in their bunk bed down the hall, crying out...

3. Mommy! Daddy! Come quick! I'm scared!

4. - You need to get there, and fast. - Coming, honey! Daddy's coming!

5. You'll need a weapon. But first, you'll need a flashlight.

6. But you're in the dark! What are you gonna do?

7. How are you gonna find it? I'll tell you how.

8. The Glow-in-the-Dark Flashlight!

9. That's right, folks! I'm Larry Daley of Daley Devices,

10. and we're gonna spend the next paid-programing block

11. rocking your world.

12. And I brought along a friend to do it. George Foreman, ladies and gentlemen!

13. Fantastic, Larry, fantastic! Isn't he fantastic, America?

14. But, seriously, isn't it true that just two years ago,

15. you were working as a night guard at some dusty museum?

16. That is true, two-time world heavyweight champ George Foreman.

17. I was just a regular Joe with a flashlight and a dream.

18. You mean a regular Larry.

19. But what's no joke is you're CEO of Daley Devices,

20. creator of such indispensable items as the Super Big Dog Bone!

21. - You like that one? - The Unlosable Key Ring!

22. Oh, yeah, that little chestnut!

23. And now your latest breakthrough... Say it with me, America!

24. The Glow-in-the-Dark Flashlight!

25. Whatever the household crisis, this is Daley Devices. Can I help you?

26. Tina, give this back to Stewart. I don't trust his math, okay?

27. - That guy called again. - Again?

28. Lar! Huge news! We got the Wal-Mart meeting.

29. - No! When? - Yeah. Three days.

30. Okay, all right. We got a lot of work to do.

31. Well, okay, did you just hear me say "Wal" and "Mart" together?

32. Yeah! I know, it's huge.

33. So just take a second to be happy about it.

34. All right.

35. You're totally making fun of me.

36. No, let's hold off on the victory parade till we close, okay?

37. You got it.

38. - And when does he want to meet? - They want Friday morning, 10:00 a.m.

39. Okay, then, you know what? Cancel that pitch

40. for the electric saw thing with the propeller, all right?

41. - I just want to focus on this. - Okay.

42. - Just this. - My daughter's birthday, canceled!

43. You can go home. I'm gonna be pretty late, okay.

44. Okay, boss.

45. Hello! Excuse me! Unauthorized personnel!

46. If it isn't our very own Mr. Success Story.

47. Come for one of your nostalgia tours? I haven't seen you for a few months.

48. Yeah, I've been busy. What's going on here?

49. Progress, so they tell me.

50. The future. Behold, Natural History, version 2.0.

51. Welcome to The Museum of Natural History, where history comes to life!

52. Step up, ask your question.

53. Then let the next little boy or girl have their turn.

54. Okay, where were you born?

55. Right here in New York City, on Twentieth Street.

56. October 27th, the year of our Lord 1858.

57. Blah, blah, blah. History, history. Learning, learning.

58. Changing America, one child at a time.

59. That's great. So you're adding some new interactive exhibits?

60. No, Mr. Daley, not adding. Replacing the old exhibits.

61. - Where are they going? - Away.

62. We're getting rid of all this junk. The dioramas, the waxworks,

63. even some of the shabbier animals, like this scrawny little monkey.

64. You should be careful. He's a capuchin.

65. It's a monkey.

66. He's a rare breed. He's a capuchin. He's not just a monkey.

67. "Monkey", then. I said "monkey". Why be specific?

68. When you're throwing away a monkey, you don't need the Latin name.

69. Are you throwing him away or are you moving him?

70. What are you, the Primate Garbage Police? Let it go, baby.

71. - Whose idea was this? - Me, of course.

72. I'm in charge. Me and the board.

73. Mainly the board.

74. Anyway, why do you care?

75. No, it's just that people love this stuff.

76. People, Mr. Daley, love "What's next?"

77. You should know that. You left.

78. My situation changed. My business took off...

79. Yeah, you became a success. So would I, if I was a night guard.

80. So where are these guys going?

81. Deep storage. Federal Archives.

82. - Where's that? - Washington, D.C.

83. The Smithsonian.

84. There's got to be something that we can do.

85. It's done! They leave tomorrow morning. It's over.

86. Hey, buddy, how you doing? How you doing with all this?

87. You want what's in here?

88. You think I got something for you? You think I got a little rope?

89. Think you're stronger than me, huh?

90. Is that all you got, huh?

91. Lawrence! Good to see you, lad!

92. Yeah, you too, Teddy.

93. The Guardian of Brooklyn has returned!

94. Hey, Ahk. Look, McPhee told me what's going on around here.

95. - I had no idea. - Indeed.

96. A lot has transpired, Lawrence, since your last visit. One would say that...

97. - Just... - Cricket.

98. Hey, Bocephus! Little help over here!

99. Hey.

100. Hey, fellas. How you doing?

101. Well, lookee here.

102. If it ain't Mr. Big-in-the-Britches himself,

103. come back just in time to see us off!

104. Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't even know how this happened.

105. Yeah. Yeah, real mystery how this happened.

106. Maybe the answer's on that magic buzzing box there in your hand!

107. You weren't here, Gigantor! That's how it happened!

108. Ain't no mystery!

109. The fact is, Larry, there's no one else here to speak on our behalf

110. during business hours.

111. None, none, dum-dum.

112. Hey, guys! It's okay!

113. I'll call the board in the morning, all right? I got some pull now.

114. I'll handle this. We're gonna be okay here.

115. "We"? Did you hear that? You hear Daydream Johnny?

116. There ain't been a "we" ever since you put us on the "pay no mind" list.

117. And that's a cold place to be, boy.

118. Larry, what's done is done.

119. Even the glory of Rome had to come to an end.

120. Would you please not look dramatically off into the middle distance

121. when you say that? It makes me feel worse.

122. I don't know what you're talking about.

123. Where are you looking? Where are you looking? I'm over here.

124. Just a bit of wall.

125. Look, guys, maybe it won't be so bad.

126. Yes, you make a good point.

127. But this is the Smithsonian we're talking about here.

128. Dexter, you don't know that.

129. You're missing the point, Gigantor! They're shipping us out!

130. Larry, I know you're trying to make us feel better.

131. I can see that you're genuinely slightly bothered,

132. but it's never going to be the same.

133. All of us here, together, in this place.

134. It ain't never gonna be home, boy.

135. Jedediah, please! Lawrence, these are emotional times for all of us.

136. But it is our last night as a family,

137. and I don't want to see it squandered in self-pity.

138. So who will join me for one final stroll through these hallowed halls?

139. - Do you want to go for a walk? - No.

140. I'm just gonna squander it in self-pity.

141. My dear, shall we?

142. Safe journey, my love.

143. Hey, Dexter, want some help there?

144. Hey, come on, man. No hard feelings, all right?

145. It's gonna be fine.

146. It's almost dawn, Lawrence.

147. Yeah. So, where's your crate, Teddy?

148. I won't be making this journey, Lawrence.

149. It seems myself, Rexy, and a few of the signature exhibits

150. will be staying here for now.

151. Without the tablet?

152. In truth, Lawrence,

153. Ahkmenrah's tablet will be remaining here with him.

154. What?

155. They're going without the tablet, my friend.

156. I'm afraid this night is their last.

157. You didn't tell them.

158. Sometimes it's more noble to tell a small lie than deliver a painful truth.

159. - Are you gonna be okay? - I shall do my best.

160. And who knows?

161. Sometimes the greatest change brings about even greater opportunity.

162. Look at you, Lawrence.

163. You left this place and created quite a life for yourself.

164. Yeah, I guess so.

165. I should hope you'd do more than guess, my friend.

166. You're a captain of industry. The world at your fingertips.

167. It seems to me you have everything you wanted.

168. Yeah, no, I know.

169. No, you don't. If I may, lad,

170. allow me to offer you one piece of advice.

171. The key to happiness, to true happiness, is...

172. Hang on one sec. I just gotta...

173. I got this Japanese deal.

174. No, okay, I'm turning this off. I'm sorry.

175. The key to happiness?

176. I'll see you, Teddy.

177. So they're gone? There's nothing you can do?

178. I wish there was, man. I'm telling you, I tried everything.

179. I talked to McPhee, I called the board, but they shipped them out this morning.

180. This is a lot of food, Dad.

181. Yeah. Ed from work's gonna come by. I thought I told you.

182. We just have to go over a couple of little work things.

183. - So you're working tonight. - I used to work every night, remember?

184. That was when you had the coolest job in the world.

185. Yeah, well, "cool" doesn't pay for your Guitar God VI or whatever.

186. - Hello? - Gigantor! It's me, Jedediah!

187. - Hold! Hold! - Jed?

188. Never surrender!

189. Jed, what are you... How did you dial the phone?

190. Long story! That brazen little monkey stole the tablet,

191. and now we're in a world of hurt, boy!

192. - What's going on? - Kahmunrah!

193. - Kahmunrah? - Ahkmenrah's big brother! He's here!

194. - And trust me, not a friendly! - Never!

195. I repeat, not a friendly!

196. - Is that Attila, Jed? - I don't know how much longer

197. - we can fight them off! No! - Jed? Are you okay?

198. - Let go of me! Help! - Hey, Jed.

199. - Let go! No, you let go of me! Help! - Jed?

200. What was that about?

201. I don't know.

202. Here, come on. Gonna drop you off at your mom's.

203. - What's going on, Dad? - I'm gonna go find out.

204. Okay, buddy, McPhee said the Federal Archives are in the Smithsonian.

205. Where exactly am I going?

206. That's the thing, Dad. The Smithsonian is actually 19 different museums.

207. They're laid out around the National Mall,

208. from the Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial.

209. They got everything there. There's actually some really cool stuff.

210. Nicky, please focus. Which museum are the Archives in?

211. Not in, under. It looks like it runs underneath the entire Smithsonian.

212. So if Ahkmenrah's tablet is down there...

213. The biggest museum in the world is coming alive.

214. What is exactly is your plan here, Dad?

215. - Don't worry about it. - You have no plan, do you?

216. Now, Nicholas, I have a very good, highly thought-out plan.

217. - You have no plan. - Yes, I have no plan.

218. I'll call you when I'm in.

219. Here you go. Thanks.

220. Welcome to the biggest museum in the world.

221. I know, right? It's a trip.

222. How about these planes dangling from the ceilings, huh? Pretty weird.

223. Hi, excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the Federal Archives?

224. Of course. Just be a historical document worthy of storing for all eternity.

225. I'm kidding. He's not a document.

226. I'm sorry, sir, the Archives are underground, and they're a secure area.

227. Really? Like, totally secure? Okay, thank you.

228. Ladies and gentlemen, the museum will be closing in one hour.

229. Kahmunrah.

230. Hey! What are you doing?

231. - No touching. - No, I wasn't gonna touch it.

232. You're moving in with some I.T.T., bro.

233. - I.T.T.? - That's "Intent to Touch", homey.

234. No, I wasn't. You're not allowed to go over the...

235. - What, are you gonna kiss it? - All right, sorry.

236. Put your hand on it and touch it. 'Cause I stand there

237. and I wait all day for a little girl like you to come in

238. and put her precious nail-polished nails all over the exhibits.

239. Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country, so...

240. - No, we don't. - No?

241. It's the United States of Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You.

242. I just want to... I'm allowed to look at it here, okay?

243. See what happens when you touch it!

244. So you're threatening me? You're threatening me, Brandon?

245. - It's "Brundon." - Excuse me?

246. - "Brundon"! - "Brundon"?

247. - "Brundon." - "Brundon."

248. What, did they run out of U's on your nameplate maker?

249. I don't know, did they run out of jokes

250. at the interesting-joke store that you shop at?

251. Sorry, it looks like "Brandon", but...

252. I'm not here to be your speech therapist. It's "Brundon"!

253. - "Brundon." Okay... - You never heard of the name before?

254. "Brundon"? No.

255. Look up most popular baby names in 1984. "Brundon."

256. Okay. Are you threatening me, Brundon?

257. I don't know, Princess Jasmine. Am I?

258. - Oh, wow. Lunabeam nine-volt. - Yeah.

259. Wonderful piece of hardware, huh?

260. - That's their title, Lunabeam Nine. - Great.

261. I prefer the Maglite LED myself, but that's just me.

262. - Do me a huge favor. - What?

263. Shove your hands into your pockets, put your attitude way down,

264. and, also, be nice to people.

265. Great. But could I just ask you one thing?

266. - Yeah. - Okay, so just to be clear,

267. - so, I can't do this, right? - Okay, that's actually crazy.

268. Did you just make a decision to possibly end your life

269. earlier than you were expecting?

270. I'm gonna hit you with the flashlight.

271. - Now you are threatening me. Okay. - Do not touch it!

272. - Don't touch me. - Do not touch it!

273. - Do not touch it! - Don't touch me!

274. I'll touch you with my flashlight all day.

275. No, your flashlight is meant to illuminate.

276. I will literally rent a camper,

277. and we will drive across America with my flashlight on your chest.

278. - Don't do that. - Don't do what?

279. Want to see what happens when I do it one more time?

280. - Let's see what happens. - Watch you do nothing.

281. Let's watch you do nothing when I do this.

282. Seriously, Brandon...

283. - Brundon. - Brundon,

284. you do not know who you're dealing with.

285. You think you know what it means to be a guard, huh?

286. Trust me, you don't know the meaning of the word.

287. I have seen things that you could not imagine.

288. - Like what kind of stuff? - I'm not gonna tell you.

289. - But you're gonna drop the flashlight... - The way you said it,

290. it sounded like you were gonna say something cool.

291. Yeah, well, you don't get to hear it.

292. Drop the flashlight.

293. We cool?

294. That's actually pretty cool, what you just did.

295. Thank you.

296. No hard feelings?

297. - All right? Sorry. - Okay.

298. - I'm sorry. - No, It's my fault. I shouldn't have...

299. No. It takes two opposing forces to cause friction, and...

300. And you're just doing your job, all right.

301. - Take it easy, man. - Yeah!

302. That guy's great.

303. - Okay, buddy, I'm in. - Great. Where are you?

304. The northeast corridor of the Castle, just off the Commons.

305. - I need you to talk me to the Archives. - Okay.

306. At the end of the hall, turn right,

307. and there should be a stairwell coming up on your left.

308. - Got it. - Now, it's kind of a maze down there.

309. Those underground tunnels connect a bunch of different buildings.

310. - It could get complicated. - We'd better hurry,

311. we only got 28 minutes till sundown.

312. When you get down to B level, you want to take another left...

313. - Nick? Hello? Nick? - Dad! Can you hear...

314. Nick, you're... Nick!

315. - ID, Brundon. - Hey.

316. - Later, dude. - All right. Yeah.

317. All right. Where are you guys?

318. Oh, my God.

319. You little troublemaker. I'm gonna deal with you later.

320. No. No! No, no, no!

321. No, English. English, perhaps.

322. I'm sorry, who are you?

323. I am Kahmunrah, the great king of the great kings,

324. and from the darkest depths of ancient history,

325. I have come back to life!

326. Perhaps you did not hear what I just said.

327. I am a centuries-old Egyptian Pharaoh. I was dead,

328. but now I have come back to life!

329. Yeah, no. I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.

330. - Who are you? - Larry Daley. Daley Devices?

331. It's up in New York. It's funny, I know your brother, Ahkmenrah.

332. - Do you? - Yeah.

333. He knows baby brother. The favorite son.

334. - Yeah, good kid. - Isn't he just?

335. You know, Mother and Father always gave him the best of everything,

336. and I do mean everything. They even gave him the throne.

337. The throne which was rightfully mine!

338. - He never mentioned that. - I'll just bet he didn't.

339. Well, now begins the era of Kahmunrah, because I have come back to...

340. Never mind, just hand me the tablet.

341. - Don't give it to him, Gigantor! - Keep him away!

342. Silence! Silence in there, please!

343. - Don't make me come in there! - No! I won't be muzzled!

344. Look, that tablet is more powerful

345. than you, Larry Daley of Daley Devices, can possibly imagine.

346. Bringing things back to life is just a parlor trick.

347. With it, I shall unlock the Gate to the Underworld

348. and bring forth my army from the Land of the Dead.

349. So, if it's not too much trouble...

350. hand it over.

351. Okay, here you go.

352. Wise decision.

353. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I thought you wanted the Cube, but...

354. The Cube?

355. The Cube of Rubik.

356. All right, what is this Cube of Rubik, then?

357. The Cube. You know, the one that turns all who oppose you to dust?

358. That one? Whatever. I thought...

359. It was my bad, 'cause... You know what? By the way,

360. your brother didn't want to mess with it, either.

361. Yeah, he wanted to play it safe, too.

362. Just, you sort of struck me as a next-level sort of guy, so I was...

363. I am not my brother, Larry.

364. I will kill you and your friends in the blink of an eye.

365. Now take me to this Cube of Rubik.

366. - Here it is. - Open it.

367. Come back here! Come back here with my tablet!

368. I still have your friends!

369. - Take the wheel! - What?

370. I said, take the wheel! Oh, we're in it now! I love it! I love it!

371. Just keep her straight, I'll handle the rest.

372. Now, charge!

373. - Okay, so what's the plan here? - We're Americans! We don't plan, we do!

374. Now hold on!

375. See that? Act first, think later! Works every time!

376. You're in good hands!

377. General George A. Custer of the Fighting U.S. 7th Cavalry,

378. at your service.

379. I'm good, I'm good! Fly, you fool!

380. What's the rumpus, ace?

381. Look, lady, could you get out of the way?

382. Lady? Who are you calling lady? The name is Amelia.

383. Amelia Earhart! Perhaps you've heard of me?

384. Oh, right. You're a famous pilot or whatever.

385. Pilot? I was the first woman to fly the Atlantic!

386. First woman to receive the Flying Cross,

387. first woman to fly across the 48 states in a gyroprop.

388. Now if you'd wipe that perhaps-permanent look of alarm off your kisser,

389. I was wondering if you might be so kind as to tell me exactly where I am.

390. You're in a museum. Or, actually, under it.

391. And I'm in kind of a dangerous situation right now,

392. so you might not want to be anywhere near me.

393. - Wow, you're fast. - What's your name, flyboy?

394. My name is Larry Daley.

395. Well, Larry Daley, in case you weren't listening,

396. I'm not one to shy away from danger.

397. How about spears? Are you one to shy away from spears?

398. Let's ankle, skipper! Now we're gonna have some fun.

399. Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, bingo!

400. Like a Golden Fleece.

401. All right, troops, when your enemies captured me,

402. they made themselves my enemies as well.

403. Big mistake. Big mistake.

404. All right, here's the plan.

405. On the third bugle blast, I shall loudly announce, "Attack!"

406. At which point, we will all jump out of this box

407. and attack.

408. Mind bomb. What do you think?

409. You, Sacaja...

410. That is not my name.

411. - Sacajamea. - No.

412. - Sack-in-a-box. - No.

413. - Cinco de Mayo. - I know you are a famous general...

414. That's all right, that's all right. I'm a person, just like you.

415. But won't yelling, "Attack!" alert the enemy

416. that we are about to attack?

417. What?

418. Yeah, I guess so.

419. You're quite the popular fellow, Mr. Daley.

420. Why don't you just skedaddle?

421. I can't skedaddle. My friends are being held down there.

422. I got to go get them. I got to find another way down.

423. This is new.

424. Hey, it's all right. I don't want to hurt you.

425. I don't think it's you they're afraid of, Mr. Daley.

426. Trade you. Thanks.

427. Back off! Just back off!

428. I will fork you!

429. How about you, huh?

430. Never send a boy to do a woman's job.

431. I spent two weeks spear-hunting with a tribe in Micronesia.

432. The Micronesians had much slower reflexes.

433. Come on!

434. It's over! It's over! It's all over!

435. Well, this is one humdinger of a hootenanny.

436. Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.

437. Wow, four bars in 1945.

438. - Hello? - Dad, finally!

439. I've been studying these plans to the Archives.

440. Looks like once you get down the stairwell...

441. Oh, I'm way past the stairwell, Nicky.

442. - So you found everyone? - Sort of.

443. What is that flibberty-widget you are talking to?

444. - Who's that? - It's Amelia Earhart.

445. You found Amelia Earhart?

446. I... Hey!

447. - Wait a minute! - Buddy, what's your hurry?

448. - Didn't you hear? The war's over! - Sorry. These guys are chasing me.

449. What? What am I looking at, Mardi Gras?

450. - What unit are you from? - I'm from Brooklyn.

451. What? Are you serious? I'm from Flatbush! Hey, fellas!

452. These so-and-so's are trying to rough up my pal here

453. just 'cause he's from Brooklyn!

454. - Thank you! - You got it! Fight!

455. Hey, mister! You forgot your...

456. What the heck is this thing?

457. Excuse me. Mind if I get in here?

458. Any time you're done, Mr. Daley.

459. - Call me! - Thank you for that.

460. So you're quite the smooth operator, aren't you, Mr. Daley?

461. Quick!

462. - That actually worked. - What's next?

463. Look, nothing personal, but I'm kind of in the middle of something here

464. that's not really your fight.

465. It's because I'm a woman, isn't it?

466. No, it's because I've got this ancient raised-from-the-dead evil Pharaoh guy

467. who's willing to kill me and probably anyone near me to get this tablet

468. so he can rule the world.

469. So it is because I'm a woman!

470. - Look, I... - No, you look, Mr. Daley!

471. If it weren't for me, you'd still be lost in that monochromatic mayhem!

472. - Lost in what? - Black and white photo, you boob!

473. Now listen, and listen good. I can help you.

474. I want to help you, and not because I like you, which so far I don't,

475. but because I smell adventure, and, damn it, I want in.

476. Okay. Don't blame me if something happens to you.

477. I should be so lucky.

478. I am Kahmunrah. I am half god,

479. once removed on my mother's side,

480. rightful ruler of Egypt, future ruler of...

481. Well, everything else.

482. Now, I have lost some men.

483. So, I am in need of some new generals to join me in my little plan

484. of conquering this world.

485. Ivan the Terrible.

486. Napoleon Bonaparte.

487. And young Al Capone.

488. Yeah.

489. Some of the most despicable, most feared leaders in all of history.

490. Gentlemen,

491. really, it's just fantastic to meet you all.

492. - And us, too. - And me, you.

493. All I ask is your allegiance, and in return, I offer you the world.

494. Literally. Are there any questions?

495. Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearing a dress?

496. This is not a dress. This is a tunic.

497. It was the height of fashion 3,000 years ago, I assure you.

498. Are there any other questions?

499. Da. This dress you're wearing,

500. do we have to wear one of these, too?

501. Were you not listening? I just told Mr. Capone here

502. that this is not a dress.

503. It is, in fact, a tunic. Very big difference.

504. Are there any other questions?

505. Any questions not about the dress?

506. Tunic?

507. All right, then. Moonlight is wasting,

508. - and the time is short. - Short?

509. Why do you look at me when you say "short"?

510. Sorry. It slipped out.

511. Da. If we are talking about world domination,

512. then of course, I am interested.

513. But first I want to clarify something so you know what you are getting.

514. People always say, "Ivan the Terrible, he's so terrible.

515. "I'm so scared of Ivan. He's bad news."

516. When in fact, the correct translation is

517. "Ivan the Awesome".

518. Ivan the Awesome?

519. It's not really as catchy, is it?

520. I mean, "Ivan the Terrible", that really pops.

521. But I wasn't terrible. In fact, I was quite an effective leader.

522. Duly noted. Now, I'd like to wrap up the old meet-and-greet

523. by asking you gentlemen a question.

524. Are you with me?

525. - Yeah. Yeah, sure. - Oui.

526. - Da, but... - Then bring Larry Daley of Daley Devices

527. and the Golden Tablet of Ahkmenrah to me!

528. We'll get you back down to your chums, Mr. Daley.

529. You won't get lost following Amelia Earhart.

530. Quick, get down.

531. Well, well, Mr. Daley, I quite like the way you're holding me.

532. No. Sorry, I wasn't trying to...

533. Oh, please, stop beating your gums, Mr. Daley.

534. You haven't been able to take your cheaters off my chassis

535. since the moment we met.

536. I literally didn't understand one word of that.

537. Is it just me or is there music in the air?

538. my baby, we can make it shine We can take forever...

539. You! Little flying angel things! Quiet!

540. They're cupids, Mr. Daley. Gods of love.

541. Great. Gods of love, would you shut up? Please shut up. We're trying to hide.

542. Yeah! More than a woman! Yeah!

543. No, don't change the arrangement, it's not about the arrangement. Quiet!

544. Kick the chorus, y'all!

545. More than a woman

546. Yo, show me what you got, night guard!

547. All right, come on. Let's go.

548. More than a woman to me

549. More than a woman

550. She's more than a woman

551. And so, the little tiny man who could not be a smaller or shorter mouse

552. runs into the claws of the giant cat!

553. You're really hung up on the height, aren't you?

554. - No, it's not about height, see... - Yes, you are.

555. You're saying I'm a little mouse, you're a giant cat.

556. - I am the giant cat. - No offense, I just...

557. You're Napoleon. There's a complex named after you.

558. You're famous for being little, and it's true. Look.

559. Oh, you naive American man-boy.

560. Look. Neither of us are gonna be jamming anytime soon, right?

561. So it's not like we should... It's not even an issue.

562. It's not about height or something else. It's a plan. It's a brilliant plan.

563. - So it was a plan. - Snazzy maneuver, Emperor.

564. Merci, mademoiselle.

565. Now, if your boyfriend would kindly come with me...

566. I'm not her boyfriend.

567. - Not her boyfriend. - No.

568. Just friends?

569. - Yeah, friends. - Acquaintances. Friends.

570. Were you guys, like, friends in college

571. and just afraid now to both ruin your relationship

572. by telling the other person that you want to be more than friends,

573. that you like-like each other?

574. One more time? I'm sorry. I didn't catch the...

575. Were you guys, like, friends in college

576. and now both afraid to ruin your relationship

577. by telling the other person that you want to be more than friends,

578. that you like-like each other?

579. - No. - No?

580. I just love the nitty-gritty of relationships. All us French do.

581. - Great. - Yes. Amour!

582. - Now. - Yeah?

583. - This way, or you die. - Yes.

584. - Wait, I'm coming with you! - No! Our fight is not with you.

585. - so you gotta bet a second time. - All right. Okay.

586. My hair is currency in certain parts of Europe.

587. It's true. Currency, like gold or paper money.

588. The Duomo was purchased with just one locket.

589. Listen up, kemosabe.

590. This rodeo clown wouldn't know a flapjack from a flyswatter.

591. Now, Gigantor's out there risking his hide for us.

592. The least we can do is give him some help.

593. Some big help. But we can't very well do that if we're stuck in here, now, can we?

594. We need to escape.

595. What's a flapjack?

596. It's like a biscuit or a scone.

597. - Chest bump? - Yeah.

598. Then deadly. Watch.

599. Guard your cards, okay? Now you bet.

600. Okay, now you got to throw some cards down.

601. - Ready? - Ready.

602. Say something. Say anything. This is no fun. You're supposed to...

603. - Hey! What are you two doing out here? - Octavius, go!

604. - You, make a run for it, I'll hold them off! - I will not leave you!

605. Ain't no time for your Roman melodrama! Now, get! Go!

606. Old Jedediah will be fine.

607. Now, you're in real trouble.

608. Why, these aren't real rubies at all.

609. Ruby slippers indeed.

610. But, whoever you are, Archie Bunker, you had one comfortable throne.

611. Hey, boss.

612. Caught this one trying to escape through a rust hole in the crate.

613. One of his little friends got away.

614. Oh, please. What damage could they possibly do?

615. Why, they're no bigger than a little grain of couscous. Aren't you?

616. You know, two words come to mind when I hear you talk.

617. "Delusional" and "weirdo".

618. And if I had to say a third, "goofy". Just goofy.

619. Now you let old Jedediah out of here or he's gonna get angry.

620. Well played, Jedediah!

621. I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously. You're just adorable,

622. even when you're threatening me. It's hilarious.

623. Is it just me, or are these guys unbelievably cute?

624. Now hold it a second, now.

625. Now, you have a right to keep me as your captive, torture me, even,

626. but don't call me cute! I ain't cute!

627. Steady, my friend! Just stay alive! I will find you!

628. Gigantor. No!

629. Hello, Mr. Daley. Nice to see you again.

630. Now, if you don't mind, I shall take that from you.

631. Thank you.

632. Finally. Finally! After 3,000 years,

633. my evil army of the damned, my beautiful, beautiful army,

634. shall be unleashed!

635. I'm afraid that Mother and Father may have

636. slightly changed the combination on me.

637. I guess this whole unleashing-the-underworld thing

638. isn't really working out for you, huh?

639. It must be really frustrating, 'cause you've waited thousands of years

640. to come back from the dead and everything,

641. and now you can't get it open.

642. Fear not, for I shall wait a thousand more if I must.

643. Good, 'cause in a few hours you'll be standing here in a frustrated position,

644. frozen, and I'll walk out of here with my buddies and that'll be that.

645. So, I got all night.

646. Really? All night? Well!

647. He doesn't.

648. Open that cage.

649. - What are you doing? - No touching! No touching!

650. Don't you manhandle me!

651. - Look, he's having a little tantrum. - Jed?

652. Don't you squirm! Don't squirm. It'll only be worse for you.

653. - Put him down! - Don't be afraid.

654. I shan't hurt you.

655. I lied.

656. I don't think he has all night at all, Mr. Daley.

657. From the looks of things, I'd say he has a little over an hour.

658. Take me out of here!

659. You were the guardian! You know all about this tablet.

660. You're obviously much more clever than the rest of us.

661. You may or may not know the combination,

662. but I am going to give you exactly one hour to figure it out.

663. If you do not, I shall kill your friends.

664. And please don't think about escaping, for I shall be watching you.

665. Look, I don't even know how to begin

666. to decipher this thing, all right? Really.

667. What a pity.

668. And your little cowboy friend seemed like such a charming little fellow.

669. Ah, well. Tick-tock, Mr. Daley. Your hour has begun.

670. Hey! You got this, partner. I know you do.

671. You got this!

672. There you are! Are you all right? I've been worried sick! Sick I tell you.

673. - No, I'm fine. - So what's our next move, partner?

674. I don't know. I just got to get this tablet translated.

675. Oh, great! This guy again.

676. Look, buddy, we don't want any trouble, all right?

677. Look at that!

678. I guess our sassy cephalopod was just a fish who didn't like being out of water.

679. He's not such a ballywagger after all.

680. Okay. Glad you're happy.

681. Hello? A little assistance?

682. - Hey, Teddy! Perfect! - Yes!

683. Maybe you could help us.

684. I'd love to help you, but first things first.

685. My nose is so itchy, it's driving me insane.

686. I hate to ask, but, as you see, I'm missing a few body parts.

687. - Could you please give us a scratch? - Yeah, sure.

688. Oh, yes! That's exquisite. A little over there...

689. - Yes! - More?

690. Oh, yes! Yes! Oh, that's...

691. Sweet rutabaga pie, that was divine.

692. Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.

693. Twenty-sixth President of the United States, Rough Rider,

694. founder of the national parks, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

695. - Have we met? - No, there's another Teddy.

696. - We have one of you in New York. - Really? What's he like, this other me?

697. He's pretty much the same, except with...

698. Except what? Say it. Except with a body?

699. - Yes. He has a body. - Oh, dash it, the pain!

700. - And a horse. - Excuse me!

701. We really need someone to translate what's written on this tablet.

702. - Do you read hieroglyphics? - Yes, I do, missy.

703. That's a simple one.

704. Bird. Man with spear. Sideways fish. Beetle. Vase.

705. Okay, and what does that mean?

706. It means, and this is just a rough translation,

707. "A man with a spear trapped a bird and a sideways fish in a vase.

708. "And there was also a beetle."

709. - I don't think that's it. - That's just one possible translation.

710. Another possible translation is,

711. "You will find the combination you seek

712. "if you figure out the secret at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb."

713. - Okay, and what does that mean? - I don't know! What am I, the Sphinx?

714. "What's this? What's that?" Why don't you ask New York Teddy?

715. I'm sure he'd love to get his grabby little fingers all over that thing!

716. Probably let his horse lick it, too!

717. Mr. Daley, we should be going to the sculpture gallery.

718. I think there's someone there who might have a better thought on this.

719. The fellow we're looking for is just down here.

720. - Bonsoir. - Hello, young lady.

721. Hey, excuse me. Could we keep moving, please?

722. We certainly could, but then we might miss a rare opportunity.

723. I mean, she is a Degas, Mr. Daley.

724. Okay, it's just I got a little buddy stuck in an hourglass,

725. I got a pitch meeting at Wal-Mart in the morning...

726. - It would be great if we could... - He's right here.

727. I think he'll have a thought on this.

728. Mr. Thinker, we're sorry to interrupt your contemplation,

729. but we really need to figure out the secret

730. at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb.

731. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

732. I'm thinking.

733. - I'm thinking. - It's not happening with him.

734. Oh, wow.

735. You've gotta be kidding me. Check that out!

736. - Oh, yeah. - Hey! Hey!

737. Buddy! Over here! This is serious.

738. Apparently, it's a matter of life and death.

739. I'll tell you what's a matter of life and death.

740. That beautiful lady over there.

741. Hey, baby! Check out the gun show going on over here!

742. Firepower!

743. He's certainly no Einstein.

744. - Biceps! Deltoids... - Yeah.

745. - Wait a minute. I saw a bunch of those. - A bunch of whats?

746. - Little Einsteins. - Where?

747. Over there, in Air and Space.

748. I gotta get over there.

749. What?

750. - Nothing. - Okay. Then why are you staring at me?

751. I don't wanna miss a moment.

752. All right, good, but we should get going, 'cause we...

753. - Why? - You talk too much, ace.

754. I don't know why I did that, Mr. Daley.

755. I just feel as if I've been asleep for a long time and now, suddenly,

756. I'm awake.

757. I can explain that...

758. But really, I could. I really...

759. Again, why?

760. Great, you're back.

761. Okay. Yeah. Great.

762. Love theme from Titanic. Good, but not really appropriate.

763. You don't let yourself enjoy things much, do you, Mr. Daley?

764. Okay, you know what? It's not really the song choice.

765. And by the way, you're a little pitchy.

766. Well, I thought you were amazing, and you look wonderful.

767. Could you just fly away, please?

768. And so the adventure continues.

769. What did I tell you? Enough!

770. You know, I do sort of feel like a floating butterfly.

771. You are crazier than a road lizard.

772. Mr. Egypt, these two here heard that we're taking over the world

773. and they want in. I don't know who they are,

774. but they're on exhibit here, too, apparently.

775. I don't even know what they are.

776. I'm sorry, but we're all full up in our axis of evil today. Sorry.

777. Come on! But I'm bad! I'm bad!

778. Hey, I could show you how bad I am!

779. Fear me!

780. I'm sorry. I'm just not buying it.

781. You don't seem very bad. You just seem sort of vaguely grouchy to me.

782. Oh, boy.

783. What are you doing? What is that? What is this?

784. What does it mean? You've lost me.

785. Is that you breathing? Because I can't hear myself think.

786. Can I make one suggestion to you, my friend? Just simplify.

787. There's just too much going on here.

788. You're evil, you're asthmatic, you're a robot... And what is the cape for?

789. Are we going to the opera? I don't think so.

790. Sorry! Goodbye.

791. Attention!

792. He's leaving with the tablet!

793. Where?

794. Give me that.

795. He's not trying to figure out the... He's trying to escape!

796. Go. Go! All of you! Kill him! And bring me that tablet.

797. Come on, people! Let's go! Without that tablet, we've nothing!

798. Streltsy! Go!

799. Thought you could get away, didn't you, Larry Daley?

800. Criminy, we're jimmy-jacked.

801. - Jimmy-jacked? Really? - It's the way I speak.

802. Yeah, I know, but that one sounds made up, even for you.

803. "Oh, no, our path has been blocked by bad people." What's the fun in that?

804. The point is, we're not getting into the Air and Space right now.

805. - You're right. We are jimmy-jacked. - Jimmy-jacked.

806. Come on.

807. They say a good man rules this union.

808. I promised Jedediah I would bring help,

809. and help I will bring.

810. Charge!

811. Misjudged the distance.

812. Who's there?

813. Jupiter, protect me.

814. Remain very still.

815. They can sense movement.

816. Apparently, they can also hear me talking to myself.

817. I'm not a nut.

818. No!

819. We should be okay in here for a while.

820. So, how long have you guarded antiquities?

821. What? Oh, no, I don't actually work at the...

822. I just thought with the fancy getup and all...

823. No, I borrowed this.

824. I mean, I was a guard back in New York, but that was a while ago.

825. So why did you leave? Did you not enjoy it?

826. No, I loved it. I just...

827. Things sort of took off in a different direction, so...

828. - So what do you do now? - Well, I sort of...

829. Well, I sort of design products and sell them.

830. - You're an inventor! - I am.

831. I am an inventor, yeah. I invent stuff.

832. Like the rocket ship?

833. - No. - The sea plane.

834. - The dirigible? - No, not aircraft.

835. Sort of like more small-scale stuff, like...

836. Well, the Glow-in-the-Dark Flashlight, that was mine.

837. So this new job, do you like it?

838. Yeah, I like it a lot. It's exciting. It's...

839. - What? - I'm just confused, is all.

840. If you're not excited by it, why do you do it?

841. - I am excited by it. I just said... - I know what you said, Mr. Daley,

842. but what I see in front of me is a man who's lost his moxie.

843. I have not lost my...

844. I got my moxie.

845. Do you know why I became a pilot?

846. - I don't, no. - For the fun of it.

847. Why else would anyone do anything?

848. Great Gatsby!

849. Blast these pigeons and their incessant cooing!

850. - No! Mr. President! Sir! - All right. Time to see the state...

851. Please don't get up! of this great union! I always say,

852. leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.

853. Sir, if you go out there, you're gonna freak a lot of people out!

854. Freak? I assure you, sir, I am no freak.

855. - No, I didn't mean you're a freak... - Come here, little one.

856. In fact, if anyone is freakish, I'm afraid it's you, sir.

857. The truth is, you are very small.

858. And I mean even for a regular-sized human.

859. What? Why would you even say that?

860. I must be honest.

861. Right. Okay, Honest Abe. Of course. I'm sorry. Great.

862. Come, now, Mr. President, put the little man down

863. and let's sit our fanny back in that throne of yours.

864. You have a can-do attitude, and I shall do as you ask.

865. Thank you.

866. - There you go. - Thank you.

867. It's that very can-do spirit that has defined this remarkable nation of ours.

868. - Interesting story. - They're coming.

869. One night in Gettysburg...

870. Mr. President, we're gonna need you to hold still now.

871. - What? - Abraham, freeze!

872. Freeze? I...

873. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

874. - Come on, let's get to Air and Space. - if I may,

875. - you two make an adorable couple. - Oh, no, we're not...

876. No, we're not a... I mean, we're not a...

877. "We're not a... I mean, we're not a..."

878. I never lie!

879. The truth is, you two are adorable together.

880. Thank you. Good night.

881. Farewell, lovely lady and small, little man.

882. Now let's see if we can find these Einsteins of yours.

883. One giant leap for a mannequin...

884. D.C., this is Air and Space. We are back online and fully operational.

885. The Tuskegee Airmen are on the march once again.

886. Can you stop narrating everything we're doing? Just live in the moment.

887. The Tuskegee Airmen are living in the moment!

888. - Miss Earhart? - Yes.

889. - I wanna say thank you. - What for, Captain?

890. A lot of people didn't think we could fly, either.

891. Thanks for clearing the runway, ma'am.

892. - Race you to Paris? - You're on!

893. No! Not now! We gotta...

894. - It's just a quick jaunt over the pond. - No. Gotta find the Einsteins.

895. Come on, we gotta go. We don't have time. Come on!

896. Sorry, it's in the blood.

897. There she is, Mr. Daley.

898. Old Bessie, the old family bus. That gal took me across the Atlantic!

899. Okay. I think the Einsteins are over here, though.

900. This is Mission Control. Flight check complete.

901. - Where'd you go? Where'd they go? - You are clear for launch.

902. Contact!

903. D.C., this is Mission Control.

904. - No, no! No! - All systems go and green for lift- off.

905. Roger that. We are green for lift- off.

906. No, we're definitely not green for any kind of lift-off!

907. - I want a "go, no-go" for launch. - I say no-go. Let's not go.

908. Go!

909. Go!

910. - Go! - No! No go!

911. Torquing angles incoming.

912. Tone it down with the torque. Torque it down.

913. De-torque. De-torque.

914. Commence ignition sequence.

915. - Roger that, flight. - We have launch commit.

916. - No. No, no, no! - Ten,

917. nine, eight, seven...

918. - Hey, that's mine. - No, we do not have commit.

919. Repeat. We are decommissioning the committal of the launch

920. and it is now a negatory launch phase. We are in a no-fly, no-go phase.

921. That is a November-Gorgon phase of non-flying!

922. - Fine! - And we're gonna say good night.

923. Thank you. Good work. Over and out.

924. - Sorry. - Damn, that was disappointing.

925. Come on. I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

926. Hey, little space monkey.

927. You're Able. Okay, good. How you doing?

928. Yes, good. At ease. All right.

929. You're a polite little fella, aren't you?

930. Hey, you happen to know where those little Einstein bobblehead guys are?

931. Mr. Daley! I found your Einsteins.

932. Great. Hey...

933. Gentlemen, we're trying to crack the combination of this tablet doodad,

934. and the writing here says we'll find it

935. if we figure out the secret at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb.

936. That's an easy one. The answer's in the question.

937. - What does that mean? - "Figure out".

938. It's a figure! I.e., a number.

939. And the Pharaoh's tomb, I.e. The pyramids.

940. Don't you get it, kid? You're looking for the secret number

941. at the heart of the pyramids.

942. Well, whistle me Dixie, the answer's pi!

943. - Pi? - 3.14159265, to be exact.

944. Yes! 3.1495265.

945. No, no, no, 3.14159265.

946. Yeah, okay, 3.14...

947. I'm sorry, I can't tell. Is it yes or no? Cause you just...

948. I know it's hard, could you just...

949. Don't touch the hair.

950. - Sorry, I can't tell if it's up or... - I'm a bobblehead, dummkopf,

951. and that's the way we like it. All together, now!

952. That's the way We like it

953. You know, we can't all be Einsteins, so...

954. - I can! - We are!

955. - He is! - Me, too!

956. - Okay, all right. - Okay, here it is.

957. - Can you slow it down a little bit? - Okay.

958. 3.14159265.

959. - Okay. 3.14... - I've got it.

960. - Thank you, Mr. Einsteins. - Thank you.

961. All right. Now, like the brilliant and famous general that I am,

962. I thought long and hard about what you said,

963. and I've come up with a brand-new and improved battle plan!

964. Okay.

965. I will loudly announce that we are not

966. going to attack, and then...

967. Wait for it.

968. "What's the amazing Custer about to say now? I hope he's my friend, or..."

969. We attack!

970. Didn't expect your friend to run off like that, did you?

971. He's coming back, Ka-Ka-Ro.

972. Sure as moon shines on a mongoose, he'll be here.

973. I would save my breath if I were you.

974. You don't have many left.

975. We've got about 10 minutes to get over there to Jed.

976. I think we make a good team, perhaps more than a team.

977. Wait. Okay, wait.

978. What's the matter? You didn't like kissing me?

979. No, I did. It was great. I mean, the slapping hurt a little bit, but...

980. - So you don't like me, then. - Of course I like you. You're incredible.

981. I think you're an amazing person. You're...

982. It's just there are certain issues that would prevent us from...

983. - I just... You're not... - I'm not what, Mr. Daley?

984. Okay. You're made of...

985. Made of...

986. Wonderful things. You're made of good, wonderful things.

987. Come on.

988. Gentlemen, could you buy us some time please?

989. It'll have to do.

990. No! That's the first plane ever made!

991. It's made out of balsa wood and paper.

992. It's made out of spruce and canvas and good old-fashioned American ingenuity.

993. Are you coming, or what?

994. - Out of our way! - I don't think so.

995. They're getting away!

996. Hang on, Mr. Daley. Things are about to get interesting.

997. A lady pilot! Preposterous!

998. - Think again, boys! - Oh, she's good.

999. What? What?

1000. One of the wires is jammed. I'm going to have to loosen it.

1001. - Here, take the stick! - No! I'm not gonna... No!

1002. I know you've got moxie in you yet.

1003. Moxie doesn't fly planes! People who have pilots' licenses fly planes!

1004. - Okay. - She's all yours.

1005. I don't want it! I don't want the stick!

1006. Don't look now, Mr. Daley, but you're flying an airplane!

1007. Able! The doors!

1008. - Got it! - Pull!

1009. Pull up!

1010. Yes!

1011. Godspeed, Amelia Earhart!

1012. Godspeed.

1013. Look a little nervous there, Ramen Noodle.

1014. 'Cause for me, this is like a spa treatment.

1015. Sand baths are really rejuvenating for the skin. Exfoliates.

1016. Giving up yet?

1017. Not quite yet, no.

1018. In fact, let's see if we can't make time fly.

1019. What is that funny sound?

1020. Stop!

1021. Right there, please, Mr. Daley.

1022. Well. Well, well, well!

1023. You certainly know how to make an entrance, Mr. Daley.

1024. Time to recruit some backup.

1025. I hope for your little friend's sake, here,

1026. that you also figured out the combination.

1027. - Give me Jed. - Oh, no, no, no.

1028. First, give me the combination and hand over that tablet.

1029. I'll give you the tablet and the combination

1030. when you release my friends and give him back to me.

1031. I shall release what I want to release the moment I want to release it.

1032. Great. And I'll release what I want to release

1033. at the exact moment that I want to release it, okay?

1034. Tell me the combination and give me that tablet right now

1035. or I shall kill all of your friends,

1036. starting with the little shaggy-headed little cowman here.

1037. I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!

1038. Don't worry, I got this handled. You don't want to give me my friends,

1039. then you're not gonna get your combination or your tablet.

1040. - All right, I'll tell you what. - Good.

1041. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing.

1042. Here you go. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy!

1043. They called me Kahmunrah the Bloodthirsty,

1044. who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants

1045. in the moment that he wants it, which is right now,

1046. when I had also better get the combination and the tablet!

1047. - That's what they called you? - It was shorter in Egyptian.

1048. Great, I'll give you the combination after you give him back.

1049. How dare you? If you touch that again, I shall kill you right now.

1050. - Okay. - Do not touch this.

1051. - This is a no-touching zone! - Good. Well, then...

1052. Oh, my God! I can't believe you reached across like that again!

1053. I can't even believe it! Oh, God, I want to kill you right...

1054. If you didn't know this combination, you'd be so dead right now,

1055. - it would be unbelievable. - Great, but I do know the combination.

1056. Don't cross this line with your hand!

1057. How dare you! If you speak again, I'm going to kill you.

1058. Do you understand this?

1059. Don't say it! Oh, God, I see you getting ready.

1060. - I wasn't gonna say anything. - Oh, my God, don't say anything.

1061. I shall murder you if you talk again.

1062. Now give me that tablet and tell me the combination.

1063. Okay. After you give me Jed and release my friends.

1064. - You did all three! - What?

1065. You spoke and you reached your hand across!

1066. Look. I can talk to you about this all night, okay?

1067. - How about this? - Look, just give...

1068. How about I don't kill you right now, like I really, really want to,

1069. and I give you precisely five seconds

1070. to give me that tablet and tell me the combination?

1071. We already got the combination. It's pi.

1072. - 3.14159265. - No!

1073. - Hey. - Sorry.

1074. So Crazy Hair here, he sang. Oh, did he sing! Like a canary.

1075. I'm sorry, Larry.

1076. Enough out of you! Remember what happened last time?

1077. - That's enough. - Stupid man.

1078. - You okay? - Yeah, thanks.

1079. Must be a real bummer for you, Larry,

1080. knowing that all of your valiant efforts were, in the end, for naught.

1081. What a terrible disappointment you must be to yourself.

1082. Do you hear that humming sound?

1083. Do you know what that sound is?

1084. It's rhetorical.

1085. That is the sound of the End.

1086. I'm sorry, Jed.

1087. You did your best, Gigantor.

1088. Dadgum it, we almost had him, too.

1089. No, I mean, I'm sorry I wasn't around the last couple of years at the museum.

1090. - Maybe none of this would have happened. - You don't get it, do you, Gigantor?

1091. I didn't call you 'cause we needed your help.

1092. Sure, we were in a little pickle,

1093. but it wouldn't have been the first time

1094. I had to wrestle my way out of a root sack.

1095. No, partner. I called you 'cause you needed us.

1096. That fancy suit you've been parading around in these past couple years,

1097. that there's a hanging suit.

1098. All gussied up, but dead inside.

1099. That ain't you.

1100. - And I'll tell you another thing. - Yeah.

1101. This night ain't over yet.

1102. This little Midnight Cowboy's got some fight left in him.

1103. Something tells me you do, too. Ho, now!

1104. Welcome to the new, extended reign of Kahmunrah,

1105. Fifth King of Egypt

1106. and now the world!

1107. Horus, Ra, my warriors, come forth!

1108. Send Larry Daley and his friends to their doom!

1109. Halt!

1110. The mighty Octavius has returned!

1111. I ride on the back of nature's most fearsome creature! I ride

1112. the squirrel!

1113. Forward now, my mighty steed!

1114. Whoa, girl! Easy.

1115. Do you wish to surrender honorably?

1116. Or must this end with the spilling of your blood?

1117. This? This is your big rescue?

1118. Oh, no. This is!

1119. What is that thing?

1120. The name is Abraham Lincoln.

1121. - And you, sir, are in a heap of trouble! - Attack it!

1122. Disgusting half-pigeons!

1123. No, no, no! Hello?

1124. Adiós, bird brains!

1125. Wait, wait, wait. No, no!

1126. Goodbye, strange birdmen.

1127. Do not return to the Underworld!

1128. Yes, yes, do go back into the Underworld!

1129. Thank you for coming! Good night!

1130. No, no!

1131. Oh, this is awkward.

1132. It appears my work here is done.

1133. Just remember, son, a house divided against itself cannot stand.

1134. Farewell.

1135. - What now? - You know, I'm not quite sure.

1136. I suppose we should probably start by watching him die.

1137. Streltsy! Make him dead!

1138. Now what?

1139. We are not going to attack right

1140. now!

1141. Get them!

1142. Fear not, Larry! I will help Jedediah!

1143. You come at them from behind!

1144. - Hey, what's going on? - I'm hiding.

1145. Hiding? What are you doing? Come on, we need you.

1146. - I'm a failure. - No, you're not.

1147. Did you foolishly lead 208 Americans to their deaths

1148. at the Battle of Little Bighorn?

1149. - No. - No? Not good. Not good at all.

1150. - That's not good. - Sure, I talk a good game,

1151. but the truth of the matter is, I don't deserve these stars.

1152. I will always be famous for my biggest failure.

1153. Hey.

1154. The past is the past, okay?

1155. Right now, this moment, this night,

1156. this is what you're gonna be remembered for.

1157. This is your last stand.

1158. - They need a leader. - Yeah, they need a leader.

1159. Yeah? You want to be their leader, huh?

1160. - Yeah, I do. - Let's do this!

1161. - All right? - Yeah.

1162. Let's go!

1163. Not good!

1164. Larry!

1165. Hey, Able!

1166. I want to help!

1167. Oh, great.

1168. Who are you? This is my museum!

1169. Well, he's my human. Back off!

1170. You need all the help you can get, Jungle-Dweller!

1171. Get over yourself space snob!

1172. Guys! Hey, guys!

1173. This is not the time to get into this, all right?

1174. Dexter, you know better.

1175. All right? That's what happens when you do that!

1176. You get that.

1177. Stop! Just stop! Stop!

1178. Now, listen. You're both proud capuchin!

1179. You need to concentrate on slapping the enemy!

1180. Keep it together, all right?

1181. Come on, let's go! Let's do it!

1182. - Jedediah! They need us! - I ain't gonna make it!

1183. Afraid this cowboy's been to his last hoedown.

1184. Octavius, remember me as I was, wild, and free, and...

1185. - No need for final words. - I'm not finished yet.

1186. I want to get to the story of our relationship,

1187. the evolution from enemy to friends.

1188. - No! - It'll make you cry!

1189. No! Because you are going to live!

1190. - Let's go to work. - Have a sword.

1191. Sword!

1192. Incoming!

1193. That smarts.

1194. You smack, you kick! You smack, you kick!

1195. You smack, you kick! Teamwork, fellas! Wunderbar!

1196. How you doing, fellas?

1197. - Are you all right? - Never better.

1198. Listen, when I give you the signal, I want you to open the gate.

1199. - I take it you have a plan. - I'm gonna divide the house.

1200. The tablet! Now!

1201. Okay, sure, you can have it.

1202. Just tell me who the boss is and I'll give it to you.

1203. Or should I give it to Kahmunrah? He's your master, right?

1204. - Nyet! He is not our master! - Really? 'Cause he acts like he is.

1205. But fine, just tell me who the boss is and you can have it.

1206. Hey! That'd be me.

1207. This man is a peasant! I am the only one here of noble birth!

1208. Really? 'Cause he's got more medals and a bigger hat, but...

1209. - Thank you. - You might got a lot of medals,

1210. but you put one of your little child hands on that tablet again,

1211. it'll be the last thing them tiny little mitts of yours ever touch.

1212. Why would you touch little Nippy?

1213. I can handle this, okay?

1214. You can handle nothing! You can barely speak, you fool!

1215. You know what? No problem. I'll give it to you. You see that?

1216. Oh, you're a spunky little fella!

1217. Very clever, Mr. Daley, getting them to fight amongst themselves.

1218. Yeah. I can't really take credit. It was Abraham Lincoln's idea.

1219. You know, a house divided can't...

1220. - Doesn't do well. - Yes, well,

1221. you should have saved yourself when you had the chance,

1222. because now I shall have the tremendous pleasure

1223. of killing you myself!

1224. What are you?

1225. I'm the night guard.

1226. No!

1227. Victory is ours!

1228. Yeah!

1229. That's what I'm talking about!

1230. Yeah!

1231. I'd say somebody found his moxie.

1232. The Battle of the Smithsonian.

1233. Perhaps the greatest battle the world will never know.

1234. We'll know.

1235. Yeah.

1236. Oh, man, I got an hour till sunrise. I got to get you guys back.

1237. In case you forgot, Gigantor, they don't want us there anymore.

1238. Well, I do.

1239. Hey, think you could hook us up with a ride?

1240. My pleasure, of course.

1241. Hang on a second. One last thing I got to take care of.

1242. Come on, boy! Come on, come on!

1243. Get in there!

1244. Feels good, right?

1245. You're welcome! Just get back inside by sunrise, okay?

1246. These are promising days, indeed.

1247. All right. Hey, come on, guys.

1248. Remember, stay with your buddy, all right?

1249. Good, good.

1250. Well, you're back where you belong.

1251. Yeah. Think so.

1252. I guess I should be going.

1253. Hey, Amelia.

1254. That thing that I was trying to tell you about earlier...

1255. There's not really an easy way to put this,

1256. - but, in the morning... - I know what's coming, Mr. Daley.

1257. I've always known.

1258. But it doesn't matter.

1259. You've given me the adventure of a lifetime in one night.

1260. And I have a feeling it's going to be a beautiful sunrise.

1261. Have fun.

1262. Thanks.

1263. I don't know about you fellas, but this old cowboy just got to second base.

1264. - There she goes. - Straight towards...

1265. Canada.

1266. She's heading to Canada.

1267. No, now she course-corrected.

1268. Here, head on downstairs, guys.

1269. - All righty. - Good night, Larry.

1270. Hey, boy, how's it going?

1271. Lawrence! Bless you for bringing them back.

1272. And might I say, a hearty well-done is in order.

1273. And may I also point out, they cannot hide in the basement forever.

1274. Yeah. No, I think I got that figured out.

1275. - Really? - Yeah.

1276. Sun come, dum-dum.

1277. Our moai friend is right. The dawn will soon be upon us.

1278. Hey, Teddy.

1279. Remember the other night you were saying something

1280. about the key to happiness?

1281. - Did I? - You said, "The key to happiness is..."

1282. And then the sun came up and you froze.

1283. - I think I got it figured out. - Yes?

1284. It's doing what you love, isn't it? With people you love.

1285. Actually, I was going to say "physical exercise",

1286. but the love thing's good, too.

1287. - Lawrence! - Yeah.

1288. Welcome home, son.

1289. Thanks.

1290. Well, folks, the wait is over. After two months of renovation,

1291. tonight, The Museum of Natural History reopens its doors to the public.

1292. As you can see, New Yorkers are flooding in,

1293. eager to see just what changes are in store.

1294. With its new, extended night hours,

1295. we're told the museum will be more lively than ever.

1296. - Well, well, well, well! - Hey.

1297. I see the uniform still fits after these long, long years.

1298. Yeah, yeah. Really hasn't been that long, but...

1299. So, to what do we owe this "triumphant" return?

1300. Not cut out for the "corporate" jungle after all. Got fired.

1301. No, actually, I sold my company.

1302. The world doth move in mysterious ways.

1303. One day, we've got to get rid of everything old,

1304. the next, a rich, anonymous donor gives a huge endowment.

1305. With a proviso: everything stays the same. So...

1306. - Well, not exactly the same, obviously. - No.

1307. Bully, lads and ladies, the name is Theodore Roosevelt,

1308. naturalist, Rough Rider and twenty-sixth President of these great United States.

1309. Come along, lad. The hunt is afoot. Lawrence.

1310. Hey, you dum-dums bring me gum-gum?

1311. My parents gave me this tablet some 3,000 years ago,

1312. entrusting me with one of my people's most prized possessions.

1313. - Does it do anything? - Do anything?

1314. Yeah. What's the point if it doesn't do anything?

1315. Tell 'em

1316. Actually, it has a magical power that brings all the exhibits to life.

1317. No, really, what's it do?

1318. Nothing. It's just for decoration.

1319. I knew it.

1320. This place is lame. This thing doesn't even look real.

1321. Seriously, dude, these animatronics suck.

1322. - Mammoth? - Yeah.

1323. Extinct!

1324. - Today's technology is beyond me. - I know. It's so lifelike.

1325. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Something else.

1326. You'll stick around a bit longer this time,

1327. or you gonna run away again when you get something better?

1328. - I'm gonna stay. - Stay, for a long time.

1329. - Yeah. - Yeah.

1330. Good. 'Cause, as night guards go, you're...

1331. - What? - The best.

1332. Excuse me.

1333. You, the toddler! Don't hug the displays.

1334. I'm sorry. Hi.

1335. I don't mean to stare. I just...

1336. You look a lot like somebody I know, and...

1337. I get that a lot.

1338. - Do you? - Yeah. I guess I have that kind of face.

1339. - Familiar. - Yeah.

1340. You're not by any chance related to Amelia Earhart, are you?

1341. - No. - No.

1342. - No, I don't think so. - Of course you're not.

1343. - I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm... - I just had to ask. I'm sorry.

1344. She was that woman who flew across the Pacific.

1345. - The Atlantic. - Atlantic. Of course.

1346. First woman to fly across the Atlantic, and she received the Flying Cross,

1347. first woman to do that.

1348. - That's very cool. - Yeah, she was cool.

1349. Hey, you know what you should check out is the the Hall of Miniatures.

1350. Could you take me there? I'm always getting lost.

1351. Yeah, I know. Sure. Yeah, I'll show you. Come on.

1352. Thank you.

1353. - I'm Larry Daley. - Tess.

1354. - Joseph, time for dinner! - One second, Ma!

1355. Joey Motorola, you get down here for supper right now!

1356. I said one second, Ma! I really think I'm on to something here!

1357. English.