1. Hey, watch it!Copy !req
2. Aw.Copy !req
3. Aw.Copy !req
4. Aw, come on.Copy !req
5. Hey, Mike.Copy !req
6. - Hey, Larry. How you doin'?
- Have you seen Nicky?Copy !req
7. I'm pretty sure
he went home with Erica.Copy !req
8. It was a half day today...
uh, Parent Career Day.Copy !req
9. - Hey.
- Hey. Come on in.Copy !req
10. - You all right?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
11. Um, why didn't anybody tell me
it was Career Day?Copy !req
12. What do you mean?
Nicky said he was gonna tell you.Copy !req
13. Oh, okay. I guess he forgot.Copy !req
14. - Uh-oh. There he is.
- Hey.Copy !req
15. - How are you, Larry?
- Good. How you doin', Don?Copy !req
16. Good.Copy !req
17. Can you believe this weather?Copy !req
18. - Chilly, right?
- Mmm.Copy !req
19. Chilly, chilly,
Chilly Willy the Penguin.Copy !req
20. Oop, my phone. Leave me alone.Copy !req
21. Hey, why don't I go tell
the little corncob you're here?Copy !req
22. Great. Great. That's great.
Yeah. Thanks.Copy !req
23. Wow, your fiancé really manages
to squeeze a lot onto that belt.Copy !req
24. - Stop it.
- What? What?Copy !req
25. No, it's like he's the, uh,
Batman of stockbrokers.Copy !req
26. - Bond trader.
- Bond trader. Sorry.Copy !req
27. Hey, how's it going with that virtual reality
driving range that you wanted to open?Copy !req
28. Uh, gettin' there. Still waitin' for
the technology to catch up with the idea.Copy !req
29. - I mean, it's not easy.
There are a lot of moving parts.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
30. Hey, do you think, um... you
think Nick would like Queens?Copy !req
31. Oh, no. Larry, you didn't
get evicted again, did you?Copy !req
32. I didn't... get evicted.
I didn't get evicted, no.Copy !req
33. I mean I didn't...
No, I didn't get evicted yet.Copy !req
34. - It's like, uh...
- All right, listen to me.Copy !req
35. I don't know how much more
of this Nicky can take.Copy !req
36. Every couple months,
it's a new career, a new apartment.Copy !req
37. If it wasn't for Nicky, I wouldn't
say anything. I would stay out of it.Copy !req
38. It's just... It's too much instability.
It's not good for him.Copy !req
39. I'm trying to figure things out
right now, okay?Copy !req
40. You know...Copy !req
41. I... I don't... I don't think
that Nicky should stay with you.Copy !req
42. - What?
- Well, just... just until you get really settled.Copy !req
43. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
44. - Hey. Ready to carve it up?
- Cool.Copy !req
45. - You're such a chicken!
- All right! Good!Copy !req
46. - Get in front of it!
- Take it, Nicky! Break away!Copy !req
47. Whoa!Copy !req
48. - What are you doin'?
- Hey! Hey, Nicky!Copy !req
49. - MAN #2: Get off the ice.!
- Are you all right?Copy !req
50. - You okay?
- I'm fine. Would you get off the ice?Copy !req
51. Listen up. Their left defenseman
is a very weak skater.Copy !req
52. You go to the left side, you got
a clear shot at the goal. Okay?Copy !req
53. - Cool. Thanks.
- All right, man.Copy !req
54. - Come on.!
- We're good here.Copy !req
55. He's good. All right. As you were, skaters.Copy !req
56. Game on. Ow!Copy !req
57. That's a good shot, kid.!
I'm good.Copy !req
58. I'm tellin' you, man.
You tore it up out there today.Copy !req
59. I'm thinkin' the NHL
is a serious possibility.Copy !req
60. Yeah, I don't really wanna
be a hockey player anymore.Copy !req
61. - All right. What do you wanna be?
- A bond trader.Copy !req
62. - A bond trader?
- Yeah, it's what Don does.Copy !req
63. - He took me to his office last week.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
64. That's cool. So what? You wanna dress up
in a monkey suit and tie every day?Copy !req
65. Like an automaton robot?Copy !req
66. Trust me. You can't play hockey
in a cubicle. Kinda awkward.Copy !req
67. Well, he's got
a pretty big office.Copy !req
68. That's not the point.
Come on. You love hockey.Copy !req
69. I still like it,
but bond trading's my fallback.Copy !req
70. Your fallback? Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
71. You're too young to have
a fallback, okay, Nicky?Copy !req
72. And... And also, where did you ever
even hear that word?Copy !req
73. Mom was talking to Don
about all your different schemes.Copy !req
74. - She called them schemes?
- She said it was time you found a fallback.Copy !req
75. Are you really moving again?Copy !req
76. Uh, I don't know. We'll see.Copy !req
77. I mean, there are some pretty
cool places out in Queens.Copy !req
78. - Yeah.
- Hey.Copy !req
79. Hey, Nicky, look at me.Copy !req
80. Look at me, man.
I wanna tell you somethin'.Copy !req
81. I know that things have been
kinda up and down for me lately...Copy !req
82. and that's been hard for you.Copy !req
83. But I really feel like
my moment's coming...Copy !req
84. and when it does, everything's
just gonna come together.Copy !req
85. - You know?
- What if you're wrong...Copy !req
86. and you're just an ordinary guy
who should get a job?Copy !req
87. All right. Well...Copy !req
88. You know what?
We'll figure it out, okay?Copy !req
89. All right?Copy !req
90. Come on. Let's get you
back to Mom's. Come on.Copy !req
91. Mr. Daley, I can honestly say,
in 43 years at this agency...Copy !req
92. I've never seen
a résumé quite like yours.Copy !req
93. Ah, all right!Copy !req
94. That wasn't a compliment.Copy !req
95. It says here you were the C.E.O.
Of Snaptime Industries.Copy !req
96. Care to elaborate on that?Copy !req
97. Sure. Well, that was the umbrella
corporation for my invention, the Snapper.Copy !req
98. You know, you snap, lights come on.
Snap, they come off.Copy !req
99. Uh, didn't they already make that?Copy !req
100. No, no. That's the Clapper...Copy !req
101. which, obviously,
stole a bit of our thunder.Copy !req
102. Personally, I don't really
see what the big difference is.Copy !req
103. I mean... You know, whatever.Copy !req
104. But, um, apparently...Copy !req
105. there is a significant portion
of the population...Copy !req
106. that has trouble actually snapping.Copy !req
107. Clapping's easier.Copy !req
108. Debatable.Copy !req
109. I can't help you.Copy !req
110. Uh, Debbie?
Can I call you Debbie?Copy !req
111. 'Cause, uh, I felt a connection
when I entered this office.Copy !req
112. And I don't know.
I feel like you did too.Copy !req
113. I didn't feel a connection.Copy !req
114. Look.Copy !req
115. I need a job tomorrow, okay?Copy !req
116. If I don't have one...Copy !req
117. I just need it, okay?Copy !req
118. Well, I don't know. L...Copy !req
119. I might have one thing.Copy !req
120. They've turned down everyone
I've sent over there, but, uh...Copy !req
121. - Great.
- Who knows?Copy !req
122. You might get lucky.Copy !req
123. - Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
124. Uh, I'm Larry Daley. I've got
a job interview with Cecil Fredericks.Copy !req
125. - Right. Uh, he should still be in his office.
- Great.Copy !req
126. - I'm Rebecca Hutman. I'm a docent here.
- Hi.Copy !req
127. - Well, let me point you in the right direction.
- Please.Copy !req
128. Ah, Teddy Roosevelt, right?Copy !req
129. Yes, a great visionary.Copy !req
130. Yes, definitely.
He was our fourth president, right?Copy !req
131. - Twenty-sixth.
- Twenty-sixth.Copy !req
132. Please don't touch the exhibits.!Copy !req
133. - Get down.
- I mean... Riffraff.Copy !req
134. Miss Hutman, I cannot
tolerate this type of chaos.Copy !req
135. I mean, this is a museum,
not a...Copy !req
136. Do you know
what "museum" means?Copy !req
137. It... It doesn't mean, "Ooh, Daddy,
it's a big tyrannosaurus thing!Copy !req
138. Can I touch its leg?" No! It...Copy !req
139. Work it out, please.Copy !req
140. - Will do, sir.
- Thank you.Copy !req
141. Dr. McPhee,
the museum director.Copy !req
142. Hmm. Seems like a fun guy.Copy !req
143. Control your young, please!
Can we? Oh!Copy !req
144. - Hello?
- Oh, ho, ho, ho.Copy !req
145. - I'm just kidding.
- Hi. I'm, uh... I'm Larry Daley.Copy !req
146. Are... Are you Mr. Fredericks?Copy !req
147. Mr. Fredericks was my father.
I am Cecil.Copy !req
148. Good to meet you, Larry.
Nice, firm handshake.Copy !req
149. I like that. Tells a lot about a man.
Come on in.Copy !req
150. Okay.Copy !req
151. - Let's talk turkey here.
- Okay.Copy !req
152. The museum is losing money,
hand over fist.Copy !req
153. I guess kids today don't care
about wax figures or stuffed animals.Copy !req
154. So they're downsizing,
which is code for "firing"...Copy !req
155. myself and the other two night guards.Copy !req
156. - They want to replace us with one new guard.
- Oh. Sorry.Copy !req
157. Well, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
158. I'd like you to meet my, uh,
two colleagues here. Reginald?Copy !req
159. Gus?Copy !req
160. Where is he?
I'll beat him with my fist!Copy !req
161. Gus, this is Larry Daley, the kid
who wants to be the new night guard.Copy !req
162. Whoa. Uh, night guard?Copy !req
163. No, no. The lady at the agency
said this was a museum position.Copy !req
164. Most important position
in the museum, Larry.Copy !req
165. He looks like a weirdy.Copy !req
166. Wonderful guard,
terrible people skills.Copy !req
167. Now listen, lunch box,
don't try anything funny.Copy !req
168. I once went nine rounds with John L. Sullivan.Copy !req
169. You never fought
John L. Sullivan in your life.Copy !req
170. Gentlemen, we have
a job candidate here.Copy !req
171. He's got an excellent résumé, a winning
attitude, and I say let's give him a shot.Copy !req
172. - What do you say?
- Uh, hang on a sec.Copy !req
173. I think I... I might wanna have
a little time just to think it over.Copy !req
174. Do you want the job or not,
snack shack?Copy !req
175. No, no. I want the job. L...Copy !req
176. Welcome to
the night guards, Larry.Copy !req
177. Larry, meet me
up on the second floor.Copy !req
178. I'll slip into my orthopedics
and give you a little tour. Arthritic knees.Copy !req
179. Not fun gettin' old,
my friend. Go on.Copy !req
180. You really think he's the one?Copy !req
181. Oh, yes.Copy !req
182. He's the one.Copy !req
183. Gotta keep it moving, Larry.
I'm pretty spry for an old man.Copy !req
184. This is the, uh, Diorama Room.Copy !req
185. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
186. I remember these little guys.Copy !req
187. Cute.Copy !req
188. Cecil!Copy !req
189. Hey, Cecil!Copy !req
190. - Yah!
- Aaah!Copy !req
191. Did I get you good!Copy !req
192. Yeah. You got me.Copy !req
193. Seriously, though,
no foolin' around in here.Copy !req
194. This stuff is really old.
All right then.Copy !req
195. As you can see, it's pretty
quiet in here these days.Copy !req
196. On your left there
is your Attila the Hun.Copy !req
197. And here we have
our Easter Island head.Copy !req
198. Hey, Cecil.Copy !req
199. And this, of course,
is the Hall of African Mammals.Copy !req
200. Ah, yes.Copy !req
201. Ooh, monkeys. I love monkeys.Copy !req
202. - Yeah.
- That guy's cute.Copy !req
203. Yeah, we... we call him Dexter.Copy !req
204. He's quite a little ball of fun,
aren't you, Dexter?Copy !req
205. Moving on.Copy !req
206. And, finally, this is the temple
of the pharaoh Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
207. Wow.Copy !req
208. And in that, uh,
tomb right down there...Copy !req
209. - Uh-huh?
- The pharaoh himself.Copy !req
210. Neat.Copy !req
211. And hanging on the wall behind him
was his most prized possession...Copy !req
212. the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
213. - Twenty-four-karat gold. It's worth a fortune.
- Ah.Copy !req
214. - Very cool.
- It is indeed, Larry.Copy !req
215. Very cool.Copy !req
216. All right.Copy !req
217. Report here at 5:00 tomorrow.
We'll walk you through your duties.Copy !req
218. Okay. 5:00. I'll be here.Copy !req
219. Moving on.Copy !req
220. Hey, it's me.
So, uh, I got a job.Copy !req
221. Oh, Larry, that's great.
What is it?Copy !req
222. Um, it's a...
it's a job at the, um...Copy !req
223. - at the Museum of Natural History.
- Oh, uh-huh.Copy !req
224. Yeah. So, uh, you can tell
Nicky that we won't be moving.Copy !req
225. - Larry, this is good news.
- Yeah, no, definitely.Copy !req
226. - So, uh, I'll see you tomorrow?
- Okay.Copy !req
227. Okay. Bye.Copy !req
228. Larry.Copy !req
229. Your keys. Your torch.Copy !req
230. - Right.
- You're gonna want to strap those to your belt.Copy !req
231. Now, it can get a little
spooky around here at night...Copy !req
232. so you might
want to put a few lights on.Copy !req
233. All right. Flashlight, keys.Copy !req
234. What am I for... Oh.Copy !req
235. The instruction manual.Copy !req
236. Instructions.
You start with one, two, three...Copy !req
237. - Four?
- Are you crackin' wise?Copy !req
238. I ought to punch you
in the nose, hopscotch.Copy !req
239. Leave him alone, Gus.
You got it covered, right, Larry?Copy !req
240. - Yeah, yeah, I got it.
- You better get it!Copy !req
241. Gus. Larry, do 'em in order,
do 'em all and do 'em quick.Copy !req
242. And the most important thing of all
to remember: Don't let anything in or out.Copy !req
243. - Out?
- Good luck, son.Copy !req
244. - Night, Gus.
- Young buck, crackin' wise.Copy !req
245. Moving on.Copy !req
246. Hello? Ooh. Hello!Copy !req
247. Hello? Ooh. Hello!Copy !req
248. Check! Check!Copy !req
249. I am Larry.Copy !req
250. Check! Larry! L-L-L-L-Larry.Copy !req
251. Monday! Monday! Monday!Copy !req
252. Monster truck rally!Copy !req
253. Cecil?Copy !req
254. Okay, very funny, Cecil!Copy !req
255. What is this,
like a David Copperfield thing?Copy !req
256. This is weird.Copy !req
257. Cecil?Copy !req
258. Come on! Revolve! Revolve!Copy !req
259. - Aaah!
- Name, please?Copy !req
260. Cecil, um...
Fredericks!Copy !req
261. One moment. Connecting.Copy !req
262. - Hello?
- Cecil! It's Larry Daley!Copy !req
263. Larry. Yes? How can I help you?Copy !req
264. The dinosaur...
The dinosaur's alive!Copy !req
265. I'm havin' a little trouble hearin' you, friend.Copy !req
266. The dinosaur's alive! What do I do?
Just tell me what to do!Copy !req
267. Read the instructions.
It explains everything.Copy !req
268. Okay, I got 'em!Copy !req
269. - I'll see you tomorrow.
- Wait! Wait!Copy !req
270. Aaah!Copy !req
271. "Number one: Throw the bone."
What bone?Copy !req
272. Fetch?Copy !req
273. Play fetch?Copy !req
274. Whoa!Copy !req
275. No way.Copy !req
276. Whoa!Copy !req
277. Hey.!Copy !req
278. - Dum-dum.
- Yes?Copy !req
279. - You give me gum-gum.
- I give you gum-gum?Copy !req
280. You new dum-dum.
You give me gum-gum.Copy !req
281. Gee. Okay. Um, you know what?
I have no gum-gum.Copy !req
282. Sorry. And my name isn't dum-dum.
My name's Larry.Copy !req
283. No, your name dum-dum.Copy !req
284. Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum.Copy !req
285. You better run-run
from Attila the Hun-Hun!Copy !req
286. See you later, dum-dum.Copy !req
287. OH!Copy !req
288. Aaah!Copy !req
289. Oh!Copy !req
290. What is happening?Copy !req
291. Hey.Copy !req
292. How you doing?Copy !req
293. Are you... You're...Copy !req
294. "Sak... Sakagawa... waya"?Copy !req
295. You're "Sakagawaya"?Copy !req
296. Oh, Sakagawea.
You're Sakagawea?Copy !req
297. The glass. I can't...Copy !req
298. You... You can't...Copy !req
299. You can't hear me? Excuse me.
"Who assisted the Lewis and Clark"...Copy !req
300. Right. So that's Lewis and Clark,
and you're... Right.Copy !req
301. You seem... I'm Larry.Copy !req
302. What's going on? What's...
Do you know what's going on here?Copy !req
303. Huns! I gotta...Copy !req
304. Oh!Copy !req
305. "Number two: Lock up the lions
or they'll eat you."Copy !req
306. Hey! Hi!Copy !req
307. Tin Man! Hey. Hi.
How you doin'?Copy !req
308. I'm new here, and it says I'm supposed
to lock up the lions or they'll eat me.Copy !req
309. - You're Galileo? No?
- Turista.Copy !req
310. Whoa!Copy !req
311. Whoa!Copy !req
312. Aaah!Copy !req
313. Whoa!Copy !req
314. Okay. Hey. I'm the, uh...Copy !req
315. Hi. I'm the new guy...Copy !req
316. and I'm just, uh... just lockin' up.Copy !req
317. So if it's cool with you, I'm just
gonna get my paperwork and, uh...Copy !req
318. Be out of your hair, okay?Copy !req
319. Whoa!Copy !req
320. WHOA!Copy !req
321. AAAH!Copy !req
322. "Double-check your belt.
The monkey probably stole your keys."Copy !req
323. Monkey.Copy !req
324. Hey. Hey, there.Copy !req
325. Hi. What's your name?
Your name is...Copy !req
326. No, no, no.
Come back. Come back.Copy !req
327. Dewey? Is that your name?
Dewey?Copy !req
328. No, no, no. What's... Dewey?
Dexter? Dexter. Dexter, right?Copy !req
329. Hey, Dexter, you want
to give me those keys?Copy !req
330. I just want to lock up.Copy !req
331. Yes. Oh, good. Come to papa.Copy !req
332. Oh, thank you.
Can I have those keys?Copy !req
333. Oh, good. What a good boy.Copy !req
334. That's okay. Oh. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
335. Oh, no, no, no, no. It's okay.Copy !req
336. Thank you very, very much.Copy !req
337. Ew! Oh! Yuck!Copy !req
338. Bad monkey! Stop that!
Ew! That's not right!Copy !req
339. Are you done? Huh?Copy !req
340. Do you have an issue with me, huh?
Do you have an issue with me?Copy !req
341. 'Cause if I have a problem with somebody,
I don't pee on them, okay?Copy !req
342. All right? And also...
Let me tell you something. These keys?Copy !req
343. Hey! Dexter, that's not funny! Give 'em back!Copy !req
344. Dexter.! Dexter.! Give...Copy !req
345. Don't. I know what you're
thinking. Don't do it.Copy !req
346. Not a good idea. Mm-mmm.Copy !req
347. Not... Dexter, I need those.!Copy !req
348. Hey, don't encourage him.! You think
you're funny for your friends, huh?Copy !req
349. You three, you think you got... What, he's the
ringleader, and you're like a little audience?Copy !req
350. Yeah, no! Don't do it!
Okay? Lookit! Look...Copy !req
351. You!Copy !req
352. Aaah!Copy !req
353. Oh! This is not happening.Copy !req
354. Oh, man.Copy !req
355. Ow!Copy !req
356. Whoa.Copy !req
357. Ooh! Ow.Copy !req
358. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
359. I can't feel my lip.Copy !req
360. Oh, "shit."Copy !req
361. Oh!Copy !req
362. Man!Copy !req
363. Whoo.!Copy !req
364. Hey. Hey.Copy !req
365. Hey, stop that!Copy !req
366. Whoa!Copy !req
367. Yee-haw! Hogtie him, boys!Copy !req
368. Whoo-wee! Get him!Copy !req
369. Get that big old Bocephus
of a man!Copy !req
370. - Hey, what are you doing?
- Cinch him up real good.!Copy !req
371. - You ain't so big now, are you, boy?
- Hey! Hey, stop that!Copy !req
372. Whoo-wee!Copy !req
373. Every night, year after year...Copy !req
374. one of you guards
locks us up in these boxes!Copy !req
375. Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!Copy !req
376. Fire up the iron horse, boys.Copy !req
377. Hey, blondie.Copy !req
378. - Name's Jedidiah!
- All right, Jedidiah. Stop the train, please!Copy !req
379. That's a big no-can-do,
crackerjack.Copy !req
380. - What's going on here, huh?
- Somebody's gotta pay.Copy !req
381. - Pay for what?
- I don't know! Just pay!Copy !req
382. Now stop whining
and just take it like a man!Copy !req
383. Seriously, stop the train.Copy !req
384. - All right. Stop the train!
- Thank you.Copy !req
385. Now full speed ahead
and ram him!Copy !req
386. Split his head
like a watermelon!Copy !req
387. Ooh! Ow!Copy !req
388. For crying out loud!Copy !req
389. - All right. That's enough.
- We got a breach!Copy !req
390. I got him!
I got him, guys! I got him!Copy !req
391. - Oh, my.
- Prepare the catapults.Copy !req
392. Whoa, Octavius, hold on. This ain't
your fight. This here giant's on our land.Copy !req
393. Hey, hey, little guy.
Jed. Yeah.Copy !req
394. Sorry. Look, I just...
I'm not a giant, okay?Copy !req
395. - I'm just like an average size...
- Don't talk down to me!Copy !req
396. I'm not a giant, guys. All right?
You guys are really little.Copy !req
397. We may be small,
but our hearts are large...Copy !req
398. metaphorically speaking.Copy !req
399. Don't take that the wrong way.
I'm just saying you're miniatures.Copy !req
400. - Silence! The Roman Empire knows no boundaries.
- Steady, men.!Copy !req
401. - Don't you do it, son.
- Do what?Copy !req
402. - Octavius!
- Don't do what?Copy !req
403. - Unleash hell!
- D'oh!Copy !req
404. - Fire.!
- Ow! Oh!Copy !req
405. - Ow!
- Fire.!Copy !req
406. Ow! Yeow! Ow!Copy !req
407. Climb aboard, boy.
Take the hand, son.Copy !req
408. On board.Copy !req
409. That's right.!
You better run, boy.! You hearJedidiah?Copy !req
410. That mustachioed horseman ain't always
gonna be there to protect you! You hear me?Copy !req
411. Um, thank you.Copy !req
412. Not at all. Theodore Roosevelt...Copy !req
413. 26th president of these
United States of America, at your service.Copy !req
414. Okay.Copy !req
415. Uh, I'm Larry Daley,
the new night guard.Copy !req
416. Pleasure to meet you,
Lawrence Daley!Copy !req
417. You'll have to excuse me though.
The hunt is afoot.Copy !req
418. Hunt's afoot.Copy !req
419. Um, excuse me. Mr. President,
can I ask you something?Copy !req
420. - Yes, but just one question.
- All right. Okay.Copy !req
421. Why? Is it like just some,
like, three-wishes kind of deal?Copy !req
422. Not at all. Self-reliance
is the key to a vigorous life.Copy !req
423. A man must look inward to find
his own answers. How can I be of help?Copy !req
424. All right. Well, I... I don't
really know how to put this...Copy !req
425. and please don't take it
the wrong way...Copy !req
426. but isn't everything in this
museum supposed to be, you know...Copy !req
427. Dead?Copy !req
428. - Yeah.
- Follow me.Copy !req
429. Yell all you want, pharaoh!Copy !req
430. You've been in there 54 years!
You're not getting out tonight!Copy !req
431. There's the source
of all this commotion.Copy !req
432. The Tablet of Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
433. Arrived here in 1952
from the Nile expedition.Copy !req
434. On that night...Copy !req
435. everything in this museum
came to life.Copy !req
436. And every night since.Copy !req
437. So everything in the museum
comes to life every night?Copy !req
438. Exactly.Copy !req
439. And I'm supposed to do what?Copy !req
440. You're the night watchman,
Lawrence...Copy !req
441. a venerable position
in this institution.Copy !req
442. Aaah!Copy !req
443. - Come on, lad.
- All right. Okay.Copy !req
444. - This is impossible.
- Nothing's impossible.Copy !req
445. If it can be dreamed,
it can be done.Copy !req
446. Hence, the 20-foot jackal staring at you
right now. Don't make eye contact!Copy !req
447. Your job is to make sure that
everyone stays inside the museum...Copy !req
448. because if the sun rises and anyone's
on the outside, we turn to dust.Copy !req
449. - You turn to dust?
- Dust.Copy !req
450. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
451. Now it's almost dawn.
I shall help you restore order tonight.Copy !req
452. But mark my words, it's the last time
I shall ever do so. Is that clear?Copy !req
453. Yeah. I mean...Copy !req
454. I mean, I guess. I don't... Um...Copy !req
455. Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?Copy !req
456. - Yes.
- Good!Copy !req
457. Let's ride.Copy !req
458. All right.
So, the Hall of Reptiles is secure.Copy !req
459. What are you looking at?Copy !req
460. I'm, uh, tracking, dear boy.Copy !req
461. A man's got to track.
Welcome to the family, Lawrence.Copy !req
462. - See you tomorrow night.
- Well... Oh, actually, I gotta be honest.Copy !req
463. - I don't think I'm coming back.
- What? You've only just begun.Copy !req
464. - Yeah. Well, this is not exactly what I...
- Lawrence.Copy !req
465. - Yeah?
- What did you do before you took this post?Copy !req
466. Uh, well, I've done
a lot of different things.Copy !req
467. I, um... I invented this thing
called the Snapper.Copy !req
468. Did you give up on that as well?Copy !req
469. No. I didn't.
No, I just hit a few roadblocks.Copy !req
470. - You might've heard of the Clapper.
- Lawrence.Copy !req
471. - Yes, sir.
- Some men are born great.Copy !req
472. Others have greatness
thrust upon them.Copy !req
473. For you, this is that very moment.Copy !req
474. - Boo!
- Aaah!Copy !req
475. Bully! Gotcha, boy.Copy !req
476. - Yeah. You got me.
- Mmm.Copy !req
477. Say hello to your little friend!Copy !req
478. - Hey!
- What are you doing?Copy !req
479. Put me down!
I don't like to be manhandled!Copy !req
480. - Just calm down, Jed.
- It doesn't feel good!Copy !req
481. - It makes me feel small and powerless.
- You done?Copy !req
482. I'm gonna shoot you
in your dang eye.Copy !req
483. In your dadgum eye.Copy !req
484. Yeah, keep shootin'.
Nothing's gonna happen.Copy !req
485. Now you know my shame.Copy !req
486. Jedidiah's impotent rage.Copy !req
487. His guns don't fire.
Take me away.Copy !req
488. This ain't over!
You ain't seen the last of me!Copy !req
489. Yeah, I don't wanna hear it, okay?Copy !req
490. - Duck!
- Whoa!Copy !req
491. The bigger they are,
the harder they fall.Copy !req
492. This is not worth $11.50 an hour.Copy !req
493. Look, the giant's scared.
There's a bigger giant runnin' around.Copy !req
494. Hello!Copy !req
495. Larry?Copy !req
496. Larry?Copy !req
497. Oh! Oh, don't do that!
We're too old for surprises.Copy !req
498. Really? I thought you liked surprises.
Like, uh, how you surprised me...Copy !req
499. with the fact that everything
in the museum comes to life at night!Copy !req
500. That little sweetheart.Copy !req
501. Larry, we wanted to tell you.
You never would have believed us.Copy !req
502. - Do you have any idea
what I've been through tonight?
- What?Copy !req
503. I said, "Do you have any idea
what I've been through tonight?"Copy !req
504. Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!Copy !req
505. I don't even know if what happened
was real or not, but I did not sign up for this.Copy !req
506. I just need a regular job that... that
is not life-threatening and pays my bills.Copy !req
507. So thank you very much, and, uh, I left my
uniform in the office, and I will be seeing you.Copy !req
508. Larry! Bah.Copy !req
509. - Dad.
- Hey.Copy !req
510. Hey, buddy.
What are you guys doin' here?Copy !req
511. Erica had to be in court
early this morning...Copy !req
512. so I'm taking
Mr. Big Stuff here to school.Copy !req
513. - But he wanted to swing by
to see you in the new job.
- Oh.Copy !req
514. It's so awesome
that you're working here.Copy !req
515. Hey, Niko, want to take
a little look-a-doo inside?Copy !req
516. Maybe your dad will
give you a V.I.P. Tour.Copy !req
517. You know what? Um, we're
pretty slammed this morning.Copy !req
518. Yeah, but, Nicky, I promise, I'll, uh...
I'll show you around soon, okay? Deal?Copy !req
519. - Deal.
- All right.Copy !req
520. - Bye, Dad.
- Bye.Copy !req
521. - Love you.
- Love you too, buddy.Copy !req
522. Bye now. All right.Copy !req
523. Hey, Larry.Copy !req
524. So, I was thinkin' maybe
I'll give it one more night.Copy !req
525. I'm glad you came around.
Welcome back.Copy !req
526. You! New night guard,
here, now.Copy !req
527. - What's up?
- "What's up?"Copy !req
528. Oh. Well, take a walk with me, and
I'll show you, Mr. "What's up." Come on.Copy !req
529. So, would you kindly do me
the favor of explaining this?Copy !req
530. Ooh. Okay.Copy !req
531. Uh, I'm guessing... and I'm
just spitballing here... but, uh...Copy !req
532. looks like that Roman dude got cocky
and climbed over into the Wild West.Copy !req
533. And that cowboy knows the Roman dude
wants to take over his territory...Copy !req
534. so he rounded up a posse
and put him in the stockade.Copy !req
535. Let's all laugh at me,
the comedy night guard.Copy !req
536. No is the answer.Copy !req
537. Sarcasm back at you, with your
humor box. I wasn't laughing.Copy !req
538. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what
you want, some sort of battle of humor.Copy !req
539. Do you?Copy !req
540. No.Copy !req
541. I don't want a...
No, I don't want a battle of humor.Copy !req
542. No, you don't, because it would
be a bloodbath.Copy !req
543. Nothing funny about Little Bighorn.Copy !req
544. No. I find it about
as funny as a "fancist."Copy !req
545. It's not funny. Okay?Copy !req
546. And I will not stand
for this type of blatant s...Copy !req
547. If I'm not clear, tell me.Copy !req
548. Am I clear?Copy !req
549. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
550. Hey, Cecil.Copy !req
551. You got an extra copy of that,
uh, instruction manual?Copy !req
552. Oh, no, I'm afraid not, Larry.
Listen, I'll tell you what you do.Copy !req
553. Read some books.
Brush up on your history.Copy !req
554. Helped me a lot
when I first started out.Copy !req
555. This museum
was originally dedicated...Copy !req
556. to that man on the horse up there...
President Theodore Roosevelt.Copy !req
557. He absolutely loved history and believed
that the more you know about the past...Copy !req
558. the better prepared
you are for the future.Copy !req
559. Okay, kids. Who can tell me
what this room is called?Copy !req
560. Very good. The Hall of African Mammals.Copy !req
561. Right here we have the king
of the jungle, the lion.Copy !req
562. And up ahead is one of my favorite creatures
in the whole museum, the capuchin monkey.Copy !req
563. A highly intelligent primate...Copy !req
564. known for its loving and generous nature.Copy !req
565. Excuse me?Copy !req
566. I... I... I just thought that was...Copy !req
567. I... I just was
laughing in agreement.Copy !req
568. Happy monkey.Copy !req
569. All right, kids. This way.Copy !req
570. Let me tell you something.Copy !req
571. I'm not buyin' it. You might have them fooled.
You might have the kids fooled.Copy !req
572. Not me. Can't get past me.Copy !req
573. There's a storm comin', buddy.
There's a storm comin'.Copy !req
574. One of the most famous trackers in history...Copy !req
575. Sakagawea was the woman
who led Lewis and Clark...Copy !req
576. on their expedition
to find the Pacific Ocean.Copy !req
577. Now, you guys have probably heard the saying,
"Actions speak louder than words."Copy !req
578. And yet they wrote...
Yes, Mr. Daley?Copy !req
579. Yes. Was she deaf?Copy !req
580. Was she deaf?
Um, no. She was not. But she...Copy !req
581. Yeah, 'cause, just, she does seem
a little bit, sort of, unresponsive.Copy !req
582. That's because she's a statue.Copy !req
583. Um, kids, could you
give me one sec?Copy !req
584. Go check her out.
She's really cool.Copy !req
585. - What are you doing?
- Well, I'm gonna be here every night...Copy !req
586. and I just wanted to learn a little bit
more about what I'm guarding.Copy !req
587. Actually, I've got a bunch of questions.
Maybe, I don't know, when you have a break...Copy !req
588. - could I buy you a cup of coffee or something?
- A cup of coffee?Copy !req
589. Yeah, I mean,
just purely a, you know...Copy !req
590. colleague-to-colleague
information download sort of coffee.Copy !req
591. I finish in 20 minutes.
I'll meet you outside.Copy !req
592. - Thank you... so much.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
593. - And have a good rest of your...
- All right. All right. Okay, kids!Copy !req
594. It was incredible what she did.Copy !req
595. She literally led these men
across rivers, up mountains.Copy !req
596. All with her newborn baby on her back.
She was like the ultimate working mother.Copy !req
597. Wow. You are quite
the "Sakagawayan" expert.Copy !req
598. - "Sakagawee-an."
- "Sakagawee-an"?Copy !req
599. Yeah. I should be. I've been writing
my dissertation on her for four years.Copy !req
600. Four years? You've been working on one paper
for four years? That would drive me crazy.Copy !req
601. Actually, it's more like
a 900-page book.Copy !req
602. So, what's your story?
You always wanted to be a security guard?Copy !req
603. - Uh...
- Oh, I didn't mean to...Copy !req
604. No, no, no, no. Um, no, I'm divorced,
and I have a 10-year-old son...Copy !req
605. so I needed to find a...
a more steady situation.Copy !req
606. Got it. So what can I
tell you about the museum?Copy !req
607. Okay. Attila the Hun...
What is that guy's problem?Copy !req
608. Attila was considered the only genuine
threat to the Roman Empire.Copy !req
609. "Known as the 'Scourge of God'...Copy !req
610. "Attila and his Huns would often...Copy !req
611. "tear off the limbs
of their helpless victims.Copy !req
612. "Attila was famous for his
superstitious beliefs.Copy !req
613. "He surrounded himself with a phalanx
of sorcerers and magicians...Copy !req
614. who advised and mystified him
with their dark arts. "Copy !req
615. Larry? Just wanted to say
good luck, son.Copy !req
616. And good-bye.
We're clocking out for the last time.Copy !req
617. - If you're ever in Boca, look us up.
- Whoa. Wait.Copy !req
618. You guys are goin' out of town?
What if this doesn't work out?Copy !req
619. A smart fellow like you?
You'll be fine.Copy !req
620. Yeah, we'll just be a phone call away.
Come on. Walk us out.Copy !req
621. Uh, uh, you fellows go ahead.
I, uh...Copy !req
622. I... I... I need a moment.Copy !req
623. He's very emotional.
A lot of, uh, memories in this room.Copy !req
624. Aha. Go crazy, big guy.Copy !req
625. Hey, guys.Copy !req
626. Quest for fire?Copy !req
627. Over. Knock yourselves out.Copy !req
628. Morning, dum-dum.Copy !req
629. Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum.
You bring me gum-gum?Copy !req
630. Yes, I did, fathead.Copy !req
631. - Lots and lots of gum-gum.
- Mmm!Copy !req
632. What's that?Copy !req
633. I can't hear you
through the... glass.Copy !req
634. Sorry.Copy !req
635. Heave!Copy !req
636. - Heave! Heave!
- Hey.Copy !req
637. - Heave.!
- What's goin' on over here?Copy !req
638. We expand or we die.Copy !req
639. - Heave! Heave!
- On the count of three...Copy !req
640. you blow this anthill
to kingdom come.!Copy !req
641. And a-one!Copy !req
642. - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, Jed! Stop that!
- And a-two.!Copy !req
643. All right? Don't do that. You blow a hole
in your mountain, all you're gonna hit is a wall.Copy !req
644. Step aside, Gigantor.
We got us a railroad to build.Copy !req
645. We're blowin' a hole in that thing.Copy !req
646. Okay, first of all, enough
with the Gigantor giant stuff.Copy !req
647. Okay? I'm just tryin'
to close up shop.Copy !req
648. We're gonna blow it anyway!
And a-three!Copy !req
649. - Whoo!
- Yeah, poof.Copy !req
650. Wow. What are you doing?Copy !req
651. What's it look like we're doin'?
It's manifest destiny.Copy !req
652. You can't fight it, and neither can I!
Go! More dynamite!Copy !req
653. - Yeah, use it all.! Whoo.!
- All right. Okay.Copy !req
654. Listen, "Octavus"?
You gotta stop that.Copy !req
655. It's Octavius, Mary.Copy !req
656. Okay, you know what? Fine. Great.
Here you go. This is what happens.Copy !req
657. - You cannot do this! I am
a Roman general! I have rights!
- And you.Copy !req
658. Do it all... Hey! No!
Put me down!Copy !req
659. - Keep heaving, men! I will return, I swear!
- You can't stop progress!Copy !req
660. We're gonna have
a little talk, okay?Copy !req
661. I told you, I don't like
to be manhandled!Copy !req
662. No, I will manhandle you,
Jedidiah!Copy !req
663. Now listen, guys, what is your problem, huh?
Why can't you just get along?Copy !req
664. Look, we're men. We fight, okay?
That's what we do.Copy !req
665. It's kinda how we pass the time.Copy !req
666. You're, like, a... a giant,
a freak, if you will.Copy !req
667. We can't expect you
to understand that.Copy !req
668. You guys got the whole room to run around in.
You don't have to be near each other.Copy !req
669. - What? You mean...
- You're gonna let us out?Copy !req
670. What, and just...
just roam free?Copy !req
671. Yeah. Yeah, I might,
if you promise to behave.Copy !req
672. That means no fireballs,
no explosions, okay?Copy !req
673. - You have my word, my liege.
- Yeah, n-no problemo, Gigantor.Copy !req
674. Um, my name's Larry,
first of all, okay, Jed?Copy !req
675. So I call you Jed.
I don't call you tiny, right?Copy !req
676. - What's that supposed to mean?
- Hey, teeny. How does that sound?Copy !req
677. I-I don't like it.
It hurts my feelings.Copy !req
678. Okay, well, Gigantor makes me
feel like some sort of freak.Copy !req
679. - So, um, you know...
- I don't... I just call you Larry.Copy !req
680. Don't be a kiss-ass, okay?
Now look, I'm trusting you guys, all right?Copy !req
681. If you don't do what I say, you're gonna end up
like your buddies in the Mayan world.Copy !req
682. Locked up. Take a look.Copy !req
683. - Do they look happy?
- No.Copy !req
684. They look sad.Copy !req
685. 'Cause they can't do
what they want to do.Copy !req
686. Now I'm letting you guys
have a little bit of leash here.Copy !req
687. Don't choke me with it, okay?
Now I gotta run. You guys play nice, okay?Copy !req
688. Okay. Good. Thanks.Copy !req
689. Hey, how's that gum
treatin' you, dum-dum?Copy !req
690. Good.Copy !req
691. Oh, hey, Dexter.
I'm just locking up. You want in?Copy !req
692. Yeah? Whoa! All right.Copy !req
693. Oh. What's that?
You got my keys?Copy !req
694. I don't think so.Copy !req
695. Looks like Uncle Larry
pulled a fast one on little Dexy.Copy !req
696. Those are baby keys
for a little baby.Copy !req
697. So have fun playin' with your baby keys,
little baby monkey.Copy !req
698. Maybe tomorrow night I'll bring you
a baby "diapie" so you can go poo-poo in it.Copy !req
699. Then I'll give you a little tickle
'cause you're a cute little baby.Copy !req
700. Will you cry all night long
about how Uncle Larry fooled you, huh?Copy !req
701. Told you there was a storm comin'.Copy !req
702. This way.Copy !req
703. - Hey, Teddy.
- Lawrence!Copy !req
704. You impertinent pup.
I knew you'd come back.Copy !req
705. You look like a man on a mission.Copy !req
706. Yeah, I'm gonna give it another shot.Copy !req
707. - You, uh...
- What?Copy !req
708. - You checkin' her out?
- The nerve!Copy !req
709. "Checking her out."
I've never heard of such a thing.Copy !req
710. No, no, no. I'm just... I mean,
you know, she's... she's very beautiful.Copy !req
711. - Beautiful?
- Yeah.Copy !req
712. - Well, a handsome woman, I suppose.
- Yeah.Copy !req
713. Maybe you should go, uh...
go talk to her.Copy !req
714. - Indeed!
- Yeah.Copy !req
715. - Bless ya, lad. Carry on.
- All right. Good.Copy !req
716. See ya.Copy !req
717. I... Uh...Copy !req
718. Hey. Hi.Copy !req
719. No! It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
720. You guys speak English? No?Copy !req
721. Right. Okay, I don't know
what that means...Copy !req
722. and I know that you and I kinda
got off on the wrong foot last night...Copy !req
723. but... a little birdie...Copy !req
724. told me that somebody
likes... magic.Copy !req
725. - Magic?
- Magic.Copy !req
726. Sorcery.Copy !req
727. Ah, "sorsor"...Copy !req
728. Yes, illusion.Copy !req
729. Everybody likes magic.Copy !req
730. And flowers. People like flowers.Copy !req
731. There you go.
Those are for you.Copy !req
732. You know what else
people like? Money.Copy !req
733. The almighty dollar, right?Copy !req
734. But money can sometimes...
disappear.Copy !req
735. Yeah.Copy !req
736. At least that's what I... hear.Copy !req
737. No wonder you can't understand me.
You got a coin in your ear.Copy !req
738. Oh, check this out.
Anybody need a hanky?Copy !req
739. Well, I wouldn't suggest
this little feller...Copy !req
740. 'cause he has a nasty habit...
of vanishing.Copy !req
741. Into thin air.Copy !req
742. Ah, no, no. Don't.
That defeats the... Don't... Don't... Ah!Copy !req
743. Ah! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
744. Not the limbs! Guys!Copy !req
745. Please do not tear the limbs!Copy !req
746. Cortés, right?Copy !req
747. How?Copy !req
748. You... Don't even think
about it. Don't you...Copy !req
749. DEXTER!Copy !req
750. Ohhh.Copy !req
751. Come on, guys.Copy !req
752. Hey.! Guys.!Copy !req
753. Hey, guys! Hey! Guys!Copy !req
754. - Ow!
- Sorry. What's going on?Copy !req
755. What happened here?
I thought we had a deal.Copy !req
756. We will never coexist
with these buffoons!Copy !req
757. We're past words, Laredo.Copy !req
758. Now it's time to let
Smith & Wesson do the talkin'!Copy !req
759. Those guns don't even work.Copy !req
760. - Oh, they don't? Take a look at this.
- Ay!Copy !req
761. Don't kick me!Copy !req
762. Dexter!Copy !req
763. Why?Copy !req
764. Ho! Dexter!Copy !req
765. End of the line, cool breeze.Copy !req
766. End of the line.Copy !req
767. Huh?Copy !req
768. I am not playing games here.Copy !req
769. Just hand them over.Copy !req
770. Easy. Easy, Dexter.Copy !req
771. Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.Copy !req
772. Good Lord, Lawrence!
Why are you slapping a monkey?Copy !req
773. Teddy, this guy's been pushing me
and pushing me, and I'm sick of it!Copy !req
774. Poppycock. This little creature
is your primate brother.Copy !req
775. Without him, there's no us.Copy !req
776. Are you rabid? Wipe that off.Copy !req
777. You have to deal with this
creature with love and respect.Copy !req
778. May I have the keys,
dear friend?Copy !req
779. Thank you. Lawrence?Copy !req
780. You know what? You seem to know
what you're doing, Teddy.Copy !req
781. So, uh, I'm gonna let you
take over, all right?Copy !req
782. No, no! My dear boy,
you can't put up the white flag now.Copy !req
783. The museum is on the verge
of total anarchy!Copy !req
784. Look, I tried. I came back
tonight, didn't I?Copy !req
785. Tried? That was one night. I didn't build
the Panama Canal in one day!Copy !req
786. Yeah, well, that's great, Teddy, but I'm dealing
with the most ridiculous job in history!Copy !req
787. - Some men are born great, Lawrence.
- Yeah, I know, Teddy.Copy !req
788. Others have greatness
thrust upon them.Copy !req
789. You hit me with that
chestnut last night.Copy !req
790. The thing is,
not everyone is great.Copy !req
791. That's the problem.
Some of us are just ordinary.Copy !req
792. No, you're not, Lawrence. For the love
of Gideon, stop wallowing in self-pity.Copy !req
793. Every great journey
begins with a single footstep.Copy !req
794. If you could teach the inhabitants to get along,
they wouldn't need to be locked up.Copy !req
795. That means a lot coming from a guy
who's spent the last 50 years...Copy !req
796. spying on a girl
he's never even talked to.Copy !req
797. I was going to make contact.
Lawrence, please.Copy !req
798. I'm done, all right?Copy !req
799. No, Rexy! No!Copy !req
800. Oh, no.Copy !req
801. All right.Copy !req
802. No one comes here anymore. Besides,
I took this tour in second grade, Daley.Copy !req
803. I'm telling you.
My dad's gonna hook us up.Copy !req
804. - Mr. Daley.
- Yeah?Copy !req
805. - Foam.
- Yes, I know.Copy !req
806. - In the Neanderthal display.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
807. There was an incident last night with the fire
extinguisher. I was on my way to clean it up.Copy !req
808. Okay, don't bother.
You're fired.Copy !req
809. I don't think we're
gettin' a tour today.Copy !req
810. Your dad just got canned, dude.Copy !req
811. Excuse me?Copy !req
812. Mr. McPhee?
Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?Copy !req
813. Can I talk to you
about this, please, sir?Copy !req
814. - What?
- I know I screwed up...Copy !req
815. but I think I finally understand
how to do this job.Copy !req
816. - You obviously don't. That's the point.
- No, I didn't, but now I do.Copy !req
817. - Really, Mr. McPhee, if you just give me one...
- Doctor.Copy !req
818. Dr. McPhee, just...
Can you please give me one more night?Copy !req
819. - One more night.
- Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
820. And if anything is the tiniest...Copy !req
821. after your shift...Copy !req
822. Whoo!Copy !req
823. Because...Copy !req
824. Got it.Copy !req
825. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
826. Fool me once, shame on you.Copy !req
827. Fool me twice...Copy !req
828. - Shame on me.
- Huh?Copy !req
829. Fool me... Shame on me.Copy !req
830. - You.
- Fool me twice... Got it.Copy !req
831. - Take it or leave it.
- Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
832. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
833. - What's wrong?
- Maybe you should ask Nicky.Copy !req
834. Hey, buddy. What's goin'on?Copy !req
835. You got fired.Copy !req
836. What are you talkin' about?
I didn't get fired.Copy !req
837. I came to the museum
this morning.Copy !req
838. I saw your boss yelling at you.Copy !req
839. Why didn't you tell me?
No, everything's fine.Copy !req
840. I just... We just had
a little misunderstanding.Copy !req
841. Why?Copy !req
842. It's hard to explain. It's got...
I mean, you wouldn't bel...Copy !req
843. You know what? Let me show you.Copy !req
844. - Show me what?
- Come to work with me tonight.Copy !req
845. Larry, can, um...
can I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
846. - Am I in trouble?
- Larry, what are you doing?Copy !req
847. I just want to show him
what I do. That's all.Copy !req
848. I love that you want to share that
with him, but I gotta tell you...Copy !req
849. I don't think Nicky has any room
in his heart for more disappointment.Copy !req
850. He won't be disappointed.Copy !req
851. Larry...Copy !req
852. He won't be disappointed.Copy !req
853. Listen, you're gonna hang out
in the security office till everyone's gone.Copy !req
854. - Then I'm gonna come get you, all right?
- Okay.Copy !req
855. Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you
to vacate the premises.Copy !req
856. - Hey, there.
- Hey.Copy !req
857. - Good place to think, huh?
- Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
858. So, no big plans tonight or...Copy !req
859. Yeah. No, I'm not really
a big plan person.Copy !req
860. I prefer hanging out with people
who were dead for 200 years.Copy !req
861. It's the live ones that throw me.Copy !req
862. That's cool. Seriously, though,
you do have to leave.Copy !req
863. - Seriously?
- Yeah. Sorry.Copy !req
864. - It's just museum rules, and we're
sort of locking everything up.
- No. Okay.Copy !req
865. You're really taking
your job seriously. Okay.Copy !req
866. Well, you know,
once I clip on the tie, I'm all business.Copy !req
867. - I get it.
- Yeah. How's that dissertation coming?Copy !req
868. Oh, I've hit a dead end.
I mean, research can only get me so far.Copy !req
869. I'm never gonna know
who she really was.Copy !req
870. So, I think it's time that
I move on to another subject.Copy !req
871. I'll let you get back to work.Copy !req
872. - Okay.
- Good night, Larry.Copy !req
873. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
874. Night.Copy !req
875. Hey!Copy !req
876. Rebecca!Copy !req
877. - Hey, Rebecca.
- Hey.Copy !req
878. Hey, listen. I don't think
you should give up on your paper.Copy !req
879. Okay. Why?Copy !req
880. All right, look.
This is gonna sound crazy, all right?Copy !req
881. I mean, it's gonna sound
like really, really crazy.Copy !req
882. - Okay.
- No, I mean like insanely crazy.Copy !req
883. - I can handle it.
- Okay.Copy !req
884. You know how they say
in certain museums history comes alive?Copy !req
885. - Yeah.
- In this museum...Copy !req
886. it actually does.Copy !req
887. What are you talking about?Copy !req
888. Everything
in this museum comes to life at night.Copy !req
889. - Really?
- Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you.Copy !req
890. - You know that tablet, the Tablet of Ahkmenrah?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
891. It actually brings things to life.
It's like some ancient spell.Copy !req
892. Since the '50s when it came here,
every night everything's been coming to life.Copy !req
893. I know this because Teddy Roosevelt told me.
Seriously. The monkey, Dexter?Copy !req
894. Right? The cute little...
What is he? Like a-a...Copy !req
895. - A capuchin.
- A capuchin, right. The capuchin.Copy !req
896. He urinated on me
and bit my nose.Copy !req
897. And Sakagawea is in her case...Copy !req
898. alive every night, just listening
to Lewis and Clark argue.Copy !req
899. So if you really want
to get inside her head...Copy !req
900. I can hook that up.Copy !req
901. - That's cool.
- Yeah, it's cool. It's freakin' awesome!Copy !req
902. Make fun of the history geek.Copy !req
903. No. Rebecca!Copy !req
904. Good night, Larry.Copy !req
905. No, I'm not making fun of you.
Rebecca!Copy !req
906. There you go.
Best seat in the house.Copy !req
907. - What's going on?
- If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy...Copy !req
908. so I'm just gonna show you.Copy !req
909. - What?
- You'll see in about 20 seconds.Copy !req
910. - Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus rex?
- Yeah.Copy !req
911. Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.Copy !req
912. And he's about
to come to life, Nicholas...Copy !req
913. in...Copy !req
914. five, four, three, two...Copy !req
915. - Dad?
- Hang on a sec.Copy !req
916. Say hello to Rexy!Copy !req
917. Dad, are you okay?Copy !req
918. This is weird.Copy !req
919. Guys? Come on!Copy !req
920. Sundown!Copy !req
921. Hey, T.R. Come on.
Rise and shine, buddy. I need you to wake up.Copy !req
922. Come on. My kid is here.
I need you to wake up. Texas?Copy !req
923. Texas, come on! Texas, come on!
Get on, Texas!Copy !req
924. Whoo! Get on, Texas! Giddap!Copy !req
925. Just stop, okay?Copy !req
926. No. Nicky, I'm telling you.
There's this tablet, okay?Copy !req
927. It's called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah,
and every night at sundown...Copy !req
928. - Now there's a tablet?
- Yeah, there is.Copy !req
929. Come on, Dad.Copy !req
930. Come on.Copy !req
931. - It's gone.
- What's gone?Copy !req
932. The tablet.
I think somebody stole it.Copy !req
933. Yeah, right.Copy !req
934. I'm not kidding, Nicky.Copy !req
935. Nicky?Copy !req
936. Hey! Nicky!Copy !req
937. Hey! Hey, Nicky!
Where are you going? Huh?Copy !req
938. - Home.
- What? Wait a minute.Copy !req
939. Come on.Copy !req
940. Whoa.Copy !req
941. - You guys shouldn't be here.
- Give us the tablet, son.Copy !req
942. Wait a minute, Nicky.
What are you guys doing?Copy !req
943. We're not gonna hurt you.
Give us the tablet.Copy !req
944. I'm sorry to tell you this, son, but
your dad doesn't work here anymore.Copy !req
945. Got fired this morning.
Couldn't hack it.Copy !req
946. Dad, I thought you said
you weren't fired.Copy !req
947. I did, Nicky. They're lying.
They're trying to steal that thing.Copy !req
948. Just turn the middle piece.
You'll see what I was talking about.Copy !req
949. That is museum property, son.
Now give it back.Copy !req
950. Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.Copy !req
951. Give us the tablet.!Copy !req
952. Nicky, trust me.Copy !req
953. Nick, run, now.Copy !req
954. Get back here, kid!Copy !req
955. Whoa!Copy !req
956. Bad idea, Larry.Copy !req
957. You wanna dance, hot dog?
Do you wanna dance?Copy !req
958. Gus, you're an old man.
I don't want to hurt... Ooh! Ow!Copy !req
959. Ah!Copy !req
960. You see, Larry,
a few years into the job...Copy !req
961. the three of us realized that,
like everything else in this museum...Copy !req
962. we got new life at night.Copy !req
963. Sundown to sunrise,
we felt young again.Copy !req
964. Okay. Did not see that coming.Copy !req
965. Gave us an energy boost.Copy !req
966. We love the nightlife, Larry.Copy !req
967. So when we found out they were gonna
fire us, we had to steal the tablet.Copy !req
968. Everyone knows
you need the money.Copy !req
969. Add to that the stuff
we planted in your place...Copy !req
970. Pretty obvious you committed the crime.
Take care of that cut.Copy !req
971. Come on, guys.
Let's go find that kid.Copy !req
972. Sweet dreams, cupcake!Copy !req
973. - No!
- Pile driver!Copy !req
974. Come on. Let's get our tablet.Copy !req
975. Thank you very much.
We'll take it from here.Copy !req
976. Nicky!Copy !req
977. Just in time, Larry.
We were just locking up.Copy !req
978. Sleep tight, hotshot.Copy !req
979. Let's grab everything we can fence.Copy !req
980. I don't know about you,
but I'm planning on a long retirement.Copy !req
981. Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there,
I need you, pal!Copy !req
982. - Someone call my name?
- Whoa.Copy !req
983. Theodore Roosevelt at your service.Copy !req
984. - Teddy, can you get us out of here?
- Can't do it, man.Copy !req
985. - This is your moment.
- Will you save the lectures,
please? I'm not you, okay?Copy !req
986. I didn't build the Panama Canal.
I wasn't president of the United States.Copy !req
987. I need some help! Come on!Copy !req
988. Actually, I never did
any of those things.Copy !req
989. Teddy Roosevelt did.Copy !req
990. I was made in a mannequin factory
in Poughkeepsie.Copy !req
991. I never shot a wild beast.Copy !req
992. I'm not even brave enough
to tell that beautiful woman I love her.Copy !req
993. But you...Copy !req
994. You gotta finish the job this time.
You can't quit.Copy !req
995. I'm made of wax, Larry.
What are you made of?Copy !req
996. - Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!
That's all you got for me?
- That's it!Copy !req
997. That's it. Come on.Copy !req
998. Duck!Copy !req
999. Go over there!Copy !req
1000. Hey. Hi. How you doin'?Copy !req
1001. Um, sorry to bother you, but, uh,
your guys there, your jackal guys...Copy !req
1002. Do you think you could actually
ask them to back off, please?Copy !req
1003. We're not trying to hurt you,
and they think we are.Copy !req
1004. Do you think you could
possibly do it, like, now?Copy !req
1005. Thank you. Nicky. Thank you.Copy !req
1006. Dad?Copy !req
1007. You would not believe
how stuffy it is in there.Copy !req
1008. How come you speak English?Copy !req
1009. - I went to Cambridge University.
- You went to Cambridge?Copy !req
1010. I was on display
in the Egyptology Department.Copy !req
1011. I am Ahkmenrah,
fourth king of the fourth king...Copy !req
1012. ruler of the land of my fathers.Copy !req
1013. Uh, I am Larry...Copy !req
1014. son of Milton...Copy !req
1015. and, uh, this is my son, Nick...Copy !req
1016. and we hail from Brooklyn.Copy !req
1017. Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and stays with
me on Wednesdays and every other weekend.Copy !req
1018. That was the, uh, custody
agreement that we had.Copy !req
1019. Larry, Nick,
guardians of Brooklyn...Copy !req
1020. I am forever in your debt.Copy !req
1021. Now bestow the tablet upon me...Copy !req
1022. so that I may assume
command of my kingdom.Copy !req
1023. Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet.Copy !req
1024. I would love
to bestow it upon you...Copy !req
1025. but we don't actually have it.Copy !req
1026. Thanks, guys. Don't worry.
I'll watch out for him.Copy !req
1027. Thank you.Copy !req
1028. THAT?Copy !req
1029. HUNS.Copy !req
1030. I gotta deal with this guy.Copy !req
1031. Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun.Copy !req
1032. He says that he wants
to rip you apart.Copy !req
1033. All right. Again with the ripping.
Listen, I understand.Copy !req
1034. I get it. Ripping for you...
You want to rip things, okay?Copy !req
1035. And I think maybe that's because
somebody ripped you a long time ago.Copy !req
1036. In here.Copy !req
1037. Did somebody rip little...
little baby Attila...Copy !req
1038. a long time ago right here?Copy !req
1039. They ripped... They ripped
something out, didn't they?Copy !req
1040. They ripped love.Copy !req
1041. They ripped love
right out of you, didn't they?Copy !req
1042. A little baby all alone in a tent...Copy !req
1043. whose daddy went off...Copy !req
1044. to pillage some town
or go and plunder somewhere.Copy !req
1045. Just doing his job.
But who was left alone?Copy !req
1046. You.Copy !req
1047. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1048. Let it out. Let it go.
Let it go.Copy !req
1049. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1050. You're next.Copy !req
1051. Yeah.Copy !req
1052. Good. That's good.
Just breathe.Copy !req
1053. JUST... JUST...Copy !req
1054. - Yeah.
- Larry Daley?Copy !req
1055. Yeah?Copy !req
1056. Good. Yes.Copy !req
1057. yeah, okay. Good. Good.Copy !req
1058. All right!Copy !req
1059. I need everybody to listen up!Copy !req
1060. Guys, come on!Copy !req
1061. Guys, come on!Copy !req
1062. Quiet.!Copy !req
1063. - My dum-dum want to speak.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1064. Now this here
is King Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
1065. His tablet is what brings you
to life every night.Copy !req
1066. And those old night watchmen...
they stole it.Copy !req
1067. Now we need to find those guards
and get the tablet back...Copy !req
1068. and we need to do it
before morning.Copy !req
1069. Civil War guys, head over
to the Planetarium Wing.Copy !req
1070. My explorer friend
whose name escapes me...Copy !req
1071. - It's Columbus.
- Right, Columbus.Copy !req
1072. Right. I'm sorry. There's no nameplate.
So, Columbus...Copy !req
1073. take the Neanderthals and do a sweep from
Invertebrates all the way through Reptiles.Copy !req
1074. Jed and Octavius, their van's
parked out back. Go take care of it.Copy !req
1075. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No, sir.
I ain't workin' with toga boy.Copy !req
1076. - Romans work alone. Ow!
- That didn't hurt.Copy !req
1077. - Don't be a baby.
- Yes, it did!Copy !req
1078. Come on! Aaah!
That was much harder!Copy !req
1079. Guys, come on! Jed, Octavius...Copy !req
1080. take away the fact
you were born 2,000 years apart.Copy !req
1081. You guys aren't that different.
You're both great leaders.Copy !req
1082. You just want what's best
for your people, right?Copy !req
1083. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1084. Civil War dudes!Copy !req
1085. You guys are brothers,
for God's sakes.Copy !req
1086. You've gotta stop fighting.Copy !req
1087. North wins.
Slavery's bad. Sorry.Copy !req
1088. Don't wanna burst your bubble.
But, South, you guys get...Copy !req
1089. Allman Brothers and... NASCAR.Copy !req
1090. So just chill!Copy !req
1091. Look, without that tablet,
all of this...Copy !req
1092. this whole coming to life
at night thing... it all goes away.Copy !req
1093. Now, I don't want
to let that happen...Copy !req
1094. but I need your help.Copy !req
1095. We can get this done,
but we gotta do it together.Copy !req
1096. So who's with me?Copy !req
1097. Yeah.Copy !req
1098. Who's with me?Copy !req
1099. Charge!Copy !req
1100. All right!
Let's do this, people!Copy !req
1101. And animals.Copy !req
1102. And weird, faceless
puppet creatures.Copy !req
1103. Come on! Let's go! Let's do it!Copy !req
1104. Come on! Follow me, boys!Copy !req
1105. Geronimo!Copy !req
1106. Aw, geez!Copy !req
1107. Now, boys, we can do this
the easy way or the hard way.Copy !req
1108. I guess it's gonna be the hard way.Copy !req
1109. Right, men, we're almost there.Copy !req
1110. Save yourself!Copy !req
1111. I ain't quittin' you!Copy !req
1112. Gus?Copy !req
1113. Reginald? Fellas?
Where are you?Copy !req
1114. Guys?Copy !req
1115. - That's what I'm talkin' about.
- Good job, gentlemen.Copy !req
1116. Loving the teamwork.Copy !req
1117. They've vanished.
How will we find them?Copy !req
1118. I know someone
who could help. Come on.Copy !req
1119. Watch out!Copy !req
1120. Hey, Sakagawea or "waya." Listen,
I need a favor. Somebody stole his tablet.Copy !req
1121. Do you think you can track
the guys who took it?Copy !req
1122. He went east,
but he lost control and crashed.Copy !req
1123. You're amazing.
How can you tell that?Copy !req
1124. He left the wagon and went back.Copy !req
1125. He went back?Copy !req
1126. Why would he go back?Copy !req
1127. Get out of the way!Copy !req
1128. You saved me.Copy !req
1129. You're worth saving, my dear.Copy !req
1130. Ooh. That's problematic.Copy !req
1131. - Teddy! Oh, man.
- Larry, relax. I'm wax.Copy !req
1132. You've gotta do something. Dawn's approaching,
and half the museum is running amok outside.Copy !req
1133. He's got my tablet.Copy !req
1134. Yee-haw.! Come on, Ockie.!Copy !req
1135. At your service, Gigantor.Copy !req
1136. How can we be
of assistance, my liege?Copy !req
1137. Just give me a second, guys.Copy !req
1138. Rexy.Copy !req
1139. Here, boy.
Teddy, I need a horse.Copy !req
1140. Do it, man.Copy !req
1141. Hyah! Hyah!Copy !req
1142. - Whoo!
- Whoo!Copy !req
1143. Come on, boy!
Let me hear you yell!Copy !req
1144. - Yeah!
- Just livin' the dream, baby!Copy !req
1145. I'm lovin'this.!Copy !req
1146. Pull the stagecoach over now.!Copy !req
1147. - Whoa!
- Hyah!Copy !req
1148. - Can I make this turn up here?
- Uh...Copy !req
1149. I'll take that as a yes.
Hang on.!Copy !req
1150. I can't hold her!Copy !req
1151. Come on, Tex. Let's finish this.
Hyah! Hyah! Come on!Copy !req
1152. Hyah! Hyah!Copy !req
1153. - Give me the tablet, Cecil!
- Can't do it, son!Copy !req
1154. Hyah!Copy !req
1155. Pull over!Copy !req
1156. It ain't gonna happen!
Moving on!Copy !req
1157. Last chance, Cecil!
Stop the horses, or I will!Copy !req
1158. They can't be stopped, Larry.
Don't you know your history?Copy !req
1159. These are money carriers. They were trained
not to stop for anything but a secret word.Copy !req
1160. Really? You mean
a word like... Dakota!Copy !req
1161. Come on, Tex.Copy !req
1162. I read up on my history.
Thanks for the tip.Copy !req
1163. Oh, and by the way, don't ever talk
to me like that in front of my son.Copy !req
1164. Moving on.Copy !req
1165. Hey, Huns.Copy !req
1166. Tell Attila to have his boys take him back
to the museum, put him with the guards.Copy !req
1167. Oh, and no limb ripping, okay?Copy !req
1168. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1169. Makeekaka.Copy !req
1170. Makeekaka.!Copy !req
1171. Hey, w-wait. Hold the phone.Copy !req
1172. What does "makeekaka" mean?
Wait. Translation, please.Copy !req
1173. The year was 1909. I was going
up the Zambezi River in Africa...Copy !req
1174. and our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy
who spoke only by clicking.Copy !req
1175. Oh, there we are.Copy !req
1176. - Oh, boy.
- What is it?Copy !req
1177. I gotta get you guys
back to the museum.Copy !req
1178. How?Copy !req
1179. Ahkmenrah,
I'm gonna need your help.Copy !req
1180. This is your tablet. You know the instructions.
I need you to get everyone back.Copy !req
1181. Come on.Copy !req
1182. There's somebody
who's gotta see this.Copy !req
1183. What I'm saying is, for the type
of money that they pay A-Rod...Copy !req
1184. he oughta be bringin' home
a World Series trophy every season.Copy !req
1185. Know what I mean?Copy !req
1186. Now who they gonna get
to clean up all that doo-doo?Copy !req
1187. Inuit.
Yeah.Copy !req
1188. - One terra-cotta soldier. Vikings.
- Right.Copy !req
1189. - Alpaca. Llama.
- Welcome back, ladies.Copy !req
1190. Hey, uh, Viking guys.Copy !req
1191. Do me a favor. Your fellows made some sort
of funeral pyre-type thing in Petrified Wood.Copy !req
1192. Go clean that up, okay?
Thank you.Copy !req
1193. Uh-oh. He's back.Copy !req
1194. All right.
I'll deal with this joker.Copy !req
1195. Hey, hey, moose!
It's not gonna happen, buddy!Copy !req
1196. I told you three times. You can't come
through this door with those antlers.Copy !req
1197. So you and your caribou buddy
gotta go around to the loading dock.Copy !req
1198. - Lawrence.!
- Hey, Teddy!Copy !req
1199. Great to see you in one piece.Copy !req
1200. Sakagawea, a little hot wax,
and I'm a new man.Copy !req
1201. Larry?Copy !req
1202. I told you I wasn't
making fun of you.Copy !req
1203. I know.Copy !req
1204. Teddy?Copy !req
1205. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1206. You wanna meet her?Copy !req
1207. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1208. Come on. Excuse me.Copy !req
1209. President Roosevelt,
this is my friend Rebecca.Copy !req
1210. - An honor.
- Hi.Copy !req
1211. And this is "Sakagawaya."Copy !req
1212. - "Wee-ah."
- "Wee-ah."Copy !req
1213. "Wee-ah."Copy !req
1214. I think she has a few questions
she wants to ask you.Copy !req
1215. You rock! I am a big fan.Copy !req
1216. What would you like to know?Copy !req
1217. Um, well, I don't know
where to start, but, um...Copy !req
1218. - One Buddha. Namaste.
- Check.Copy !req
1219. Two zebras.Copy !req
1220. Uh, right. Check.Copy !req
1221. - Dexter! Welcome back.
- Hey, Dex. So, look.Copy !req
1222. No hard feelings, all right?Copy !req
1223. - Lawrence!
- You saw... You saw what he did just then!Copy !req
1224. - Who's evolved?
- I am.Copy !req
1225. - Who's evolved?
- I am!Copy !req
1226. Good.Copy !req
1227. Well, they're all here.
Well done. Everyone's in.Copy !req
1228. Yeah, well, not everyone.Copy !req
1229. We lost a couple of good
little men out there tonight.Copy !req
1230. With great victory
comes great sacrifice.Copy !req
1231. Yeah.Copy !req
1232. Dad, look.!Copy !req
1233. Bully!Copy !req
1234. You ain't gettin' rid of us
that easy.Copy !req
1235. Until tomorrow
evening, Lawrence.Copy !req
1236. Yeah. I don't know
about that, Teddy.Copy !req
1237. It's gonna be tough
to talk my way out of this one.Copy !req
1238. Well, if that's indeed the case,
then it's farewell, my friend.Copy !req
1239. Nick? Your father's a great man.Copy !req
1240. I know.Copy !req
1241. I told you.Copy !req
1242. All right. Good night.Copy !req
1243. No, Lawrence. Good day.Copy !req
1244. Hey, Teddy?Copy !req
1245. Thanks.Copy !req
1246. You're watching
New York 1. News all morning.Copy !req
1247. Thanks for joining us this morning.Copy !req
1248. There is a fresh blanket
of snow on the ground today...Copy !req
1249. but it's not the snow
that's got New Yorkers talking.Copy !req
1250. It's what's in the snow. There are
dinosaur tracks along West 81 st Street.Copy !req
1251. Here's the remarkable video.Copy !req
1252. These appear to be
Tyrannosaurus rex tracks...Copy !req
1253. and they lead straight to
the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1254. Authorities have found what
appear to be cave drawings in the subway.Copy !req
1255. Neanderthals atop the museum roof.Copy !req
1256. Elaborate hoax or publicity stunt?Copy !req
1257. You be the judge.
But one thing's for sure.Copy !req
1258. The folks at the Natural History Museum
have really outdone them...Copy !req
1259. Any explanation at all?Copy !req
1260. No. Got nothin'.Copy !req
1261. Good.Copy !req
1262. I'll take your keys
and your flashlight.Copy !req
1263. Folks, this way.Copy !req
1264. My name is Nick Daley.
My Career Day parent is my dad.Copy !req
1265. He's the night watchman
at the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1266. Hey. How's it goin'?
Well, Nicky said it.Copy !req
1267. I'm the night watchman
at the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1268. Let me tell you something.
That's when history comes alive.Copy !req
1269. How many of you guys been over to the museum?Copy !req
1270. Goal!Copy !req
1271. Hey, it's gettin' late. You ready to go home?Copy !req
1272. Nope.Copy !req
1273. Let's ride.Copy !req
1274. It was nice of Larry not to rat us out,
but this is ridiculous.Copy !req
1275. We're night watchmen,
not janitors.Copy !req
1276. Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job.
I'm gonna catch a few Z's.Copy !req
1277. You ain't goin' nowhere.Copy !req
1278. Start moppin', hot dog.Copy !req
1279. Over here.Copy !req