1. Hey, watch it.Copy !req
2. Oh, come on.Copy !req
3. Hey, Mike!Copy !req
4. - Hey, Larry.
- How you doing?Copy !req
5. Have you seen Nicky?Copy !req
6. I'm pretty sure he went with Erica.
It was half day today.Copy !req
7. Parent Career Day.Copy !req
8. - Hey.
- Hey. Come on in.Copy !req
9. - You all right?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
10. Why didn't anybody tell me
it was Career Day?Copy !req
11. What do you mean?
Nicky said he was gonna tell you.Copy !req
12. Oh, okay, I guess he forgot.Copy !req
13. There he is. How are you, Larry?Copy !req
14. Good. How are you doing, Don?Copy !req
15. Good.Copy !req
16. Can you believe this weather?Copy !req
17. Chilly, right? Chilly, chilly,
Chilly Willy the penguin.Copy !req
18. Leave me alone. Hey, why don't I go tell
the little corncob you're here.Copy !req
19. Great. Great, that's great. Yeah, thanks.Copy !req
20. Wow, your fiance really manages
to squeeze a lot onto that belt.Copy !req
21. - Stop it.
- What?Copy !req
22. What? No, it's like he's...Copy !req
23. the Batman of stockbrokers.Copy !req
24. - Bond trader.
- Bond trader. Sorry.Copy !req
25. Hey, how's it going with that virtual-reality
driving range that you wanted to open?Copy !req
26. Getting there, still waiting for
the technology to catch up.Copy !req
27. It's not easy,
there are a lot of moving parts.Copy !req
28. Hey, do you think Nick
would like Queens?Copy !req
29. Oh, no, Larry. You didn't get evicted again,
did you?Copy !req
30. I didn't...Copy !req
31. get evicted. I didn't get evicted, no.
I mean, I didn't...Copy !req
32. - No, I didn't get evicted yet. It's like—
- Larry, listen to me.Copy !req
33. I don't know how much more
Nicky can take.Copy !req
34. Every couple months, it's a new career,
a new apartment.Copy !req
35. If it wasn't for Nicky, I wouldn't
say anything, I would stay out of it.Copy !req
36. It's just, it's too much instability.
It's not good for him.Copy !req
37. I'm trying to figure things out
right now, okay?Copy !req
38. You know...Copy !req
39. I don't think that Nicky
should stay with you.Copy !req
40. - What?
- Just until you get really settled.Copy !req
41. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
42. - Hey, ready to carve it up?
- Cool.Copy !req
43. All right, good!
Take it, Nicky! Break away!Copy !req
44. - What are you doing?
- Hey, Nicky! Are you all right?Copy !req
45. - You okay?
- I'm fine. Would you get off the ice?Copy !req
46. Listen. Their left defenseman
is a very weak skater.Copy !req
47. So you go left side, you got
a clear shot at the goal. Okay?Copy !req
48. - Cool, thanks.
- All right, man.Copy !req
49. We're good here. We're good.
All right. As you were, skaters.Copy !req
50. Game on!Copy !req
51. I'm good.Copy !req
52. I'm telling you,
you tore it up out there today.Copy !req
53. Thinking the NHL is a serious possibility.Copy !req
54. I don't really wanna be
a hockey player anymore.Copy !req
55. - All right. What do you wanna be?
- A bond trader.Copy !req
56. A bond trader?Copy !req
57. Yeah, it's what Don does.
He took me to his office last week.Copy !req
58. That's cool.Copy !req
59. So you wanna dress up
in a monkey suit and tie every day?Copy !req
60. Like an automaton robot?Copy !req
61. Trust me, you can't play hockey
in a cubicle. Kind of awkward.Copy !req
62. Well, he's got a pretty big office.Copy !req
63. That's not the point.
Come on, you love hockey.Copy !req
64. I still like it,
but bond trading's my fallback.Copy !req
65. Your fallback?Copy !req
66. Wait a minute. You're too young
to have a fallback, okay?Copy !req
67. And also, where did you ever
even hear that word'?Copy !req
68. Mom was talking to Don
about all your different schemes.Copy !req
69. She called them schemes?Copy !req
70. She said it was time
you found a fallback.Copy !req
71. Are you really moving again?Copy !req
72. I don't know. We'll see. I mean...Copy !req
73. there's some pretty cool places
out in Queens.Copy !req
74. - Yeah.
- Hey.Copy !req
75. Hey, Nicky, look at me.Copy !req
76. Look at me, man.
I wanna tell you something.Copy !req
77. I know that things have been kind of
up and down for me lately...Copy !req
78. and that's been hard for you.Copy !req
79. But I really feel like my moment's coming
and when it does...Copy !req
80. everything's just gonna come together,
you know?Copy !req
81. What if you're wrong...Copy !req
82. and you're just an ordinary guy
who should get a job?Copy !req
83. All right, well...Copy !req
84. You know what,
we'll figure it out, okay?Copy !req
85. All right? Come on,
let's get you back to Mom's.Copy !req
86. Mr. Daley, I can honestly say,
in 43 years at this agency...Copy !req
87. I've never seen a résumé
quite like yours.Copy !req
88. All right.Copy !req
89. That wasn't a compliment.Copy !req
90. It says here you were the CEO...Copy !req
91. of Snaptime Industries.Copy !req
92. Care to elaborate on that?Copy !req
93. Sure. Well, that was the umbrella
corporation for my invention, the Snapper.Copy !req
94. You know, you snap, the lights come on.
Snap, they come off.Copy !req
95. Didn't they already make that?Copy !req
96. No, no, that's the Clapper,
which, obviously...Copy !req
97. stole a bit of our thunder.Copy !req
98. Personally, I don't really see
what the big difference is, I mean:Copy !req
99. You know, whatever, but...Copy !req
100. apparently there is a significant portion
of the population that has trouble actually...Copy !req
101. - ... snapping.
- Clapping's easier.Copy !req
102. Debatable.Copy !req
103. I can't help you.Copy !req
104. Debbie?Copy !req
105. Can I call you Debbie? Because...Copy !req
106. I felt a connection
when I entered this office...Copy !req
107. and I don't know,
I feel like you did too.Copy !req
108. I didn't feel a connection.Copy !req
109. Look.Copy !req
110. I need a job tomorrow, okay?Copy !req
111. If I don't have one...Copy !req
112. Well, I just need it, okay?Copy !req
113. Well, I don't know.Copy !req
114. I might have one thing.Copy !req
115. They've turned down everyone
I've sent over there, but—Copy !req
116. Great.Copy !req
117. —Who knows?Copy !req
118. You might get lucky.Copy !req
119. - Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
120. I'm Larry Daley. I've got a job interview
with Cecil Fredricks.Copy !req
121. - Right. He should still be in his office.
- Great.Copy !req
122. - I'm Rebecca Hutman. I'm a docent here.
- Hi.Copy !req
123. - Let me point you in the right direction.
- Great.Copy !req
124. Teddy Roosevelt, right?Copy !req
125. - Yes, a great visionary.
- Yes, definitely.Copy !req
126. He was our 4th president, right?Copy !req
127. - Twenty-sixth.
- Twenty-sixth.Copy !req
128. Please don't touch the exhibits!
I mean...Copy !req
129. Riffraff.Copy !req
130. Miss Hutman.
I cannot tolerate this type of chaos.Copy !req
131. I mean, this is a museum, not a...Copy !req
132. Do you know what "museum" means?Copy !req
133. It doesn't mean,
"Daddy, it's a big Tyrannosaurus thing.Copy !req
134. Can I touch its leg?" No!Copy !req
135. Work it out, please.Copy !req
136. - Will do, sir.
- Thank you.Copy !req
137. Dr. McPhee, the museum director.Copy !req
138. Seems like a fun guy.Copy !req
139. Control your young, please. Can we?Copy !req
140. Hello? Just kidding.Copy !req
141. Hi. I'm Larry Daley.
Are you Mr. Fredricks?Copy !req
142. Mr. Fredricks was my father.Copy !req
143. I am Cecil. Good to meet you, Larry.
Nice firm handshake.Copy !req
144. I like that. Tells a lot about a man.
Come on in.Copy !req
145. Let's talk turkey here.Copy !req
146. The museum is losing money,
hand over fist.Copy !req
147. I guess kids today don't care about
wax figures or stuffed animals.Copy !req
148. So they're downsizing,
which is code for firing...Copy !req
149. myself and the other two night guards.Copy !req
150. They want to replace us
with one new guard.Copy !req
151. - Oh, sorry.
- Well, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
152. I'd like you to meet
my two colleagues here.Copy !req
153. Reginald? Gus?Copy !req
154. Where is he? I'll beat him with my fist!Copy !req
155. Gus, this is Larry Daley, the kid who
wants to be the new night guard.Copy !req
156. Night guard?Copy !req
157. No, the lady at the agency said
this was a museum position.Copy !req
158. Most important position
in the museum, Larry.Copy !req
159. He looks like a weirdie.Copy !req
160. Wonderful guard, terrible people skills.Copy !req
161. Now, listen, lunch box.
Don't try anything funny.Copy !req
162. I once went nine rounds
with John L. Sullivan.Copy !req
163. You never fought John L. Sullivan
in your life.Copy !req
164. Gentlemen, we have
a job candidate here.Copy !req
165. He's got an excellent resume,
a winning attitude...Copy !req
166. and I say let's give him a shot.
What do you say?Copy !req
167. Hang on a sec. I think I might wanna
have a little time just to think it over.Copy !req
168. Do you want the job or not, snack shack?Copy !req
169. - No, no, I want the job—
- Welcome to the night guards, Larry.Copy !req
170. Larry, meet me up on the second floor.Copy !req
171. I'll slip into my orthopedics and
give you a little tour. Arthritic knees.Copy !req
172. Not fun getting old, my friend. Go on.Copy !req
173. You really think he's the one?Copy !req
174. Oh, yes.Copy !req
175. He's the one.Copy !req
176. Gotta keep it moving, Larry.
I'm pretty spry for an old man.Copy !req
177. This is the Diorama Room.Copy !req
178. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
179. I remember these little guys. Cute.Copy !req
180. Cecil!Copy !req
181. Hey, Cecil!Copy !req
182. - Did I get you good?
- Yeah.Copy !req
183. You got me.Copy !req
184. Seriously, though, no fooling around
in here. This stuff is really old.Copy !req
185. All right, then. As you can see,
it's pretty quiet in here these days.Copy !req
186. On the left there is your Attila the Hun.Copy !req
187. And here we have our Easter Island head.Copy !req
188. Hey, Cecil.Copy !req
189. And this, of course,
is the Hall of African Mammals.Copy !req
190. Ah, yes.Copy !req
191. Monkeys. I love monkeys.Copy !req
192. - Yeah.
- Guy's cute.Copy !req
193. Yeah, we call him Dexter.
He's quite a little...Copy !req
194. ball of fun, aren't you, Dexter?Copy !req
195. Moving on.Copy !req
196. And, finally, this is the temple
of the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
197. And in that tomb right down there,
the pharaoh himself.Copy !req
198. Neat.Copy !req
199. And hanging on the wall behind him...Copy !req
200. was his most prized possession,
the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
201. Twenty-four-carat gold.
It's worth a fortune.Copy !req
202. Very cool.Copy !req
203. It is indeed, Larry.Copy !req
204. Very cool.Copy !req
205. All right. Report here at 5 tomorrow.
We'll walk you through your duties.Copy !req
206. Okay, 5. I'll be here.Copy !req
207. Moving on.Copy !req
208. Hey, it's me. So I got a job.Copy !req
209. Larry, that's great. What is it?Copy !req
210. It's a job...Copy !req
211. at the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
212. Yeah, so you can tell Nicky
that we won't be moving.Copy !req
213. Larry, this is good news.Copy !req
214. Yeah, no, definitely.
So I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
215. - Okay.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
216. Larry?Copy !req
217. Your keys. Your torch.Copy !req
218. - Right.
- You'll wanna strap those to your belt.Copy !req
219. It can get a little spooky
around here at night...Copy !req
220. so you might want
to put a few lights on.Copy !req
221. All right, flashlight, keys.
What am I for—?Copy !req
222. The instruction manual.Copy !req
223. Instructions.Copy !req
224. You start with one, two, three...Copy !req
225. Four?Copy !req
226. Are you cracking wise?Copy !req
227. I ought to punch you
in the nose, hopscotch.Copy !req
228. Leave him alone, Gus.
You got it covered, right, Larry?Copy !req
229. Yeah, yeah, I got it.Copy !req
230. - You better get it!
- Gus.Copy !req
231. Larry, do them in order,
do them all and do them quick.Copy !req
232. And the most important thing of all
to remember: Don't let anything in or out.Copy !req
233. Out?Copy !req
234. Good luck, son.Copy !req
235. - Night, Gus.
- Young buck. Cracking wise.Copy !req
236. Moving on.Copy !req
237. Hello?Copy !req
238. Hello!Copy !req
239. Check!Copy !req
240. Check.Copy !req
241. I am Larry.Copy !req
242. Check! Larry! Larry.Copy !req
243. Monday! Monday! Monday!Copy !req
244. Monster Truck Rally.Copy !req
245. Cecil?Copy !req
246. Okay, very funny, Cecil!Copy !req
247. What is this, like a
David Copperfield thing?Copy !req
248. This is weird.Copy !req
249. Cecil?Copy !req
250. Come on. Revolve. Revolve!Copy !req
251. - Name, please?
- Cecil...Copy !req
252. - ... Fredricks!
- One moment. Connecting.Copy !req
253. - Hello.
- Cecil! It's Larry Daley!Copy !req
254. Larry. Yes, how can I help you?Copy !req
255. The dinosaur— The dinosaur's alive!Copy !req
256. I'm having a little trouble
hearing you, friend.Copy !req
257. Tequila.Copy !req
258. The dinosaur's alive!Copy !req
259. What do I do?
Tell me what to do!Copy !req
260. Read the instructions.
It explains everything.Copy !req
261. Okay, I got them!Copy !req
262. - I'll see you tomorrow.
- Wait! What—?Copy !req
263. What bone?Copy !req
264. Fetch?Copy !req
265. Play fetch?Copy !req
266. No way.Copy !req
267. - Dum-dum.
- Yes?Copy !req
268. - You give me gum-gum.
- I give you gum-gum?Copy !req
269. You new dum-dum.
You give me gum-gum.Copy !req
270. Okay, you know what?
I have no gum-gum. Sorry.Copy !req
271. And my name isn't dum-dum,
my name's Larry.Copy !req
272. No, your name dum-dum.Copy !req
273. Oh, you in trouble, dum-dum.Copy !req
274. You'd better run-run
from Attila the Hun-Hun.Copy !req
275. See you later, dum-dum.Copy !req
276. What is happening?Copy !req
277. Hey.Copy !req
278. How you doing?Copy !req
279. Are you...?Copy !req
280. You're...Copy !req
281. "Sakagahwahwaya"?Copy !req
282. You're "Sakagawaya"?Copy !req
283. Oh, Sakagawea. You're Sakagawea?Copy !req
284. The glass. I can't...Copy !req
285. hear you.Copy !req
286. You can't...? You can't hear me?Copy !req
287. Excuse me.
"Who assisted the Lewis and Clark—"Copy !req
288. Right, so that's Lewis and Clark
and you're... Right.Copy !req
289. You seem— I'm Larry.Copy !req
290. What's going on? What's—?
Do you know what's going on here?Copy !req
291. Huns. I gotta—Copy !req
292. Hey. Hi.Copy !req
293. Tin Man. Hey. Hi. How you doing?Copy !req
294. I'm new. It says I'm supposed to
lock up the lions or they'll eat me.Copy !req
295. You're Galileo? No?Copy !req
296. Okay...Copy !req
297. Hey, I'm the...Copy !req
298. Hi. I'm the new guy
and I'm just locking up, so...Copy !req
299. If it's cool with you
I'm just gonna get my paperwork...Copy !req
300. and be out of your hair, okay?Copy !req
301. "Double-check your belt.
The monkey probably stole your keys."Copy !req
302. Monkey.Copy !req
303. Hey. Hey there. Hi.
What's your name? Your name is...Copy !req
304. No, no, no. Come back. Come back.Copy !req
305. Dewey? Is that your name, Dewey?Copy !req
306. No, no, no. What's—? Dewey?
Dexter? Dexter. Dexter, right?Copy !req
307. Hey, Dexter,
you wanna give me those keys?Copy !req
308. I just want to lock up.Copy !req
309. Yes. Oh, good. Come to Papa.Copy !req
310. Oh, thank you. Can I have those keys?
Oh, good. What a good boy.Copy !req
311. That's okay. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
312. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.
Thank you very, very much.Copy !req
313. Bad monkey. Stop that.Copy !req
314. That's not right. Are you done?Copy !req
315. Do you have an issue with me?
Do you have an issue with me?Copy !req
316. Because if I have a problem with somebody,
I don't pee on them, okay?Copy !req
317. And also— Let me tell you something.
These keys?Copy !req
318. Hey. Dexter, that's not funny.
Give it back.Copy !req
319. Dexter. Give—Copy !req
320. Don't. I know what you're thinking.
Don't do it. Not a good idea.Copy !req
321. Not— Dexter, I need those.Copy !req
322. Don't encourage him. You think
you're funny for your friends, huh?Copy !req
323. You three guys— What, he's the ringleader,
you're the audience?Copy !req
324. Yeah, no. Don't do it, okay?Copy !req
325. Lookit— You!Copy !req
326. Oh, this is not happening.Copy !req
327. Oh, man.Copy !req
328. What are you guys doing?Copy !req
329. I can't feel my lip.Copy !req
330. Oh, shit.Copy !req
331. Man.Copy !req
332. Hey. Hey-Copy !req
333. Hey, stop that.Copy !req
334. Hog-tie him, boys.Copy !req
335. - Get him, that big old Bocephus of a man.
- Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
336. Cinch him up good.
You ain't so big now, are you?Copy !req
337. Hey. Hey, stop that.Copy !req
338. Every night, year after year...Copy !req
339. one of you guards
locks us up in these boxes.Copy !req
340. Well, I hereby say, sir, enough!Copy !req
341. Fire up the iron horse, boys.Copy !req
342. - Hey, blondie?
- Name's Jedediah.Copy !req
343. All right, Jedediah. Stop the train, please.Copy !req
344. - That's a big no-can-do, Cracker Jack.
- What's going on here, huh?Copy !req
345. - Somebody's gotta pay.
- Pay for what?Copy !req
346. I don't know. Just pay. Now, stop whining
and just take it like a man.Copy !req
347. Seriously, stop the train.Copy !req
348. - All right, stop the train.
- Thank you.Copy !req
349. Now full speed ahead and ram him!Copy !req
350. Split his head like a watermelon!Copy !req
351. For crying out loud.Copy !req
352. All right, that's enough.Copy !req
353. We got a breach.Copy !req
354. I got him. I got him. I got him, guys.
I got him—Copy !req
355. - Oh, my...
- Prepare the catapults.Copy !req
356. Octavius, hold on. This ain't your fight.
This here giant's on our land.Copy !req
357. Hey, little guy. Jed? Yeah.Copy !req
358. Sorry, look. I just— I'm not a giant.
I'm just an average-sized—Copy !req
359. Don't talk down to me.Copy !req
360. I'm not a giant, guys. All right?
You guys are really little.Copy !req
361. We may be small,
but our hearts are large...Copy !req
362. metaphorically speaking.Copy !req
363. Don't take that wrong.
I'm saying you're miniatures.Copy !req
364. Silence! The Roman Empire
knows no boundaries.Copy !req
365. - Don't you do it, son.
- Do what?Copy !req
366. - Octavius.
- Don't do what?Copy !req
367. - Unleash hell!
- Don't—Copy !req
368. Climb aboard, boy.Copy !req
369. Take the hand, son.Copy !req
370. Onboard.Copy !req
371. That's right. You better run, boy.
You hear Jedediah?Copy !req
372. That mustachioed horseman ain't always
gonna be there to protect you, you hear me?Copy !req
373. - Thank you.
- Not at all.Copy !req
374. Theodore Roosevelt,
26th president...Copy !req
375. of these United States of America
at your service.Copy !req
376. Okay. I'm Larry Daley,
the new night guard.Copy !req
377. Pleasure to me you, Lawrence Daley.
You'll have to excuse me, though.Copy !req
378. The hunt is afoot.Copy !req
379. Hunt's afoot.Copy !req
380. Excuse me, Mr. President.
Could I ask you something?Copy !req
381. - Yes, but just one question.
- All right.Copy !req
382. Okay, why? Is it just some, like,
three-wishes kind of deal, or—?Copy !req
383. Not at all. Self-reliance
is the key to a vigorous life.Copy !req
384. A man must look inward to find
his own answers. How can I be of help?Copy !req
385. I don't really know how to put this,
and please don't take it the wrong way...Copy !req
386. but isn't everything in this museum
supposed to be, you know...Copy !req
387. - . . dead'?
- Dead'?Copy !req
388. - Yeah.
- Follow me.Copy !req
389. Yell all you want, pharaoh.Copy !req
390. You've been in there 54 years.
You're not getting out tonight.Copy !req
391. There's the source of all this commotion.Copy !req
392. The Tablet of Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
393. Arrived here in 1952
from the Nile expedition.Copy !req
394. On that night,
everything in this museum came to life.Copy !req
395. And every night since.Copy !req
396. So everything in the museum
comes to life every night?Copy !req
397. Exactly.Copy !req
398. And I'm supposed to do what?Copy !req
399. You're the night watchman, Lawrence.
A venerable position in this institution.Copy !req
400. - Come on, lad.
- All right. Okay. This is impossible.Copy !req
401. Nothing's impossible.
If it can be dreamed, it can be done.Copy !req
402. Hence the 20-foot jackal staring at you.
Don't make eye contact.Copy !req
403. Your job is to make sure that everyone
stays inside the museum...Copy !req
404. because if the sun rises
and anyone's on the outside...Copy !req
405. we turn to dust.Copy !req
406. - You turn to dust?
- Dust.Copy !req
407. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
408. Now, it's almost dawn.
I shall help you restore order tonight.Copy !req
409. But mark my words, it's the last time
I shall ever do so. Is that clear?Copy !req
410. Yeah. I mean— I mean, I guess. I don't...Copy !req
411. Stop babbling, boy! Yes or no?Copy !req
412. - Yes.
- Good.Copy !req
413. Let's ride.Copy !req
414. All right. So the Hall of Reptiles is secure.Copy !req
415. What are you looking at?Copy !req
416. I'm tracking, dear boy.Copy !req
417. Man's got to track.
Welcome to the family, Lawrence.Copy !req
418. See you tomorrow night.Copy !req
419. Actually, I gotta be honest.
I don't think I'm coming back.Copy !req
420. What? You've only just begun.Copy !req
421. Yeah, well, this is not exactly what I—Copy !req
422. - Lawrence?
- Yeah?Copy !req
423. What did you do
before you took this post?Copy !req
424. Well, I've clone a lot of different things.
I invented this thing called the Snapper.Copy !req
425. Did you give up on that as well?Copy !req
426. No, I just hit a few roadblocks.
You might have heard of The Clapper?Copy !req
427. - Lawrence.
- Yes, sir?Copy !req
428. Some men are born great.
Others have greatness thrust upon them.Copy !req
429. For you, this is that very moment.Copy !req
430. Bully. Got you, boy.Copy !req
431. Yeah. You got me.Copy !req
432. Say hello to your little friend.Copy !req
433. - What are you doing?
- Put me down.Copy !req
434. I don't like to be manhandled.Copy !req
435. - Just calm down, Jed.
- It doesn't feel good.Copy !req
436. - It makes me feel small and powerless.
- You done?Copy !req
437. I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye.
In your dadgum eye.Copy !req
438. Yeah, keep shooting.
Nothing's gonna happen.Copy !req
439. Now you know my shame.Copy !req
440. Jedediah's impotent rage.
His guns don't fire. Take me away.Copy !req
441. This ain't over.
You ain't seen the last of me.Copy !req
442. I don't wanna hear it, okay?Copy !req
443. Duck!Copy !req
444. The bigger they are, the harder they fall.Copy !req
445. This is not worth 11.50 an hour.Copy !req
446. Look, the giant's scared.
There's a bigger giant running around.Copy !req
447. Hello.Copy !req
448. Larry?Copy !req
449. Larry?Copy !req
450. Oh, don't do that.
We're too old for surprises.Copy !req
451. Really? I thought you liked surprises.
Like how you surprised me...Copy !req
452. with the fact everything in
the museum comes to life at night.Copy !req
453. That little sweetheart.Copy !req
454. We wanted to tell you.
You never would have believed us.Copy !req
455. - You have any idea what I've been through?
- What?Copy !req
456. - You have any idea what I've been through?
- Keep a lid on it, butterscotch.Copy !req
457. I don't know if what happened last night
was real, but I didn't sign up for this.Copy !req
458. I just need a regular job that
is not life-threatening and pays my bills.Copy !req
459. So thank you very much
and I left my uniform in the office...Copy !req
460. - ... and I will be seeing you.
- Larry!Copy !req
461. - Dad?
- Hey.Copy !req
462. Hey, buddy.
What are you guys doing here?Copy !req
463. Oh, Erica had to be in court early,
so I'm taking Mr. Big Stuff here to school.Copy !req
464. But he wanted to swing by,
see you in the new job.Copy !req
465. It's so awesome
that you're working here.Copy !req
466. Hey, Niko, you wanna take
a little look-a-doo inside?Copy !req
467. Maybe your dad will give you a VIP tour.Copy !req
468. You know what?
We're pretty slammed this morning.Copy !req
469. Yeah, but Nicky, I promise,
I'll show you around soon, okay? Deal?Copy !req
470. - Deal.
- All right.Copy !req
471. - Bye, Dad.
- Bye.Copy !req
472. - Love you.
- Love you too, buddy.Copy !req
473. Bye, now. All right.Copy !req
474. Hey, Larry.Copy !req
475. So I was thinking
maybe I'll give it one more night.Copy !req
476. I'm glad you came around.
Welcome back.Copy !req
477. You. New night guard, here, now.Copy !req
478. - What's up?
- "What's up?"Copy !req
479. Oh, well, take a walk with me
and I'll show you, Mr. "What's up?"Copy !req
480. Come on.Copy !req
481. So would you kindly do me the favor
of explaining this?Copy !req
482. Okay. I'm guessing—Copy !req
483. And I'm just spitballing here,
but looks like that Roman dude got cocky...Copy !req
484. and climbed over into the Wild West.Copy !req
485. And the cowboy knows Roman dude
wants to take over his territory...Copy !req
486. so he rounded up a posse
and put him in the stockade.Copy !req
487. "Let's all laugh at me,
the comedy night guard."Copy !req
488. "No" is the answer.Copy !req
489. Sarcasm back at you,
with your humor box.Copy !req
490. I wasn't laughing. Pretending to laugh...Copy !req
491. if that's what you want,
some sort of battle of humor.Copy !req
492. Do you?Copy !req
493. No.Copy !req
494. I don't want—
No, I don't want a battle of humor.Copy !req
495. No, you don't,
because it would be a bloodbath.Copy !req
496. Nothing funny about Little Bighorn.Copy !req
497. No. I find it about as funny
as a "fancist."Copy !req
498. It's not funny. Okay? And I will not
stand for this type of blatant...Copy !req
499. If I'm not clear, tell me.Copy !req
500. Am I clear?Copy !req
501. - Yeah.
- Yeah?Copy !req
502. Hey, Cecil?Copy !req
503. You got an extra copy
of that instruction manual?Copy !req
504. Oh, no. I'm afraid not, Larry.
Listen, I'll tell you what you do.Copy !req
505. Read some books.
Brush up on your history.Copy !req
506. Helped me a lot when I first started out.Copy !req
507. This museum was originally dedicated
to that man on the horse up there...Copy !req
508. President Theodore Roosevelt.Copy !req
509. He absolutely loved history and believed
that the more you know about the past...Copy !req
510. the better prepared you are
for the future.Copy !req
511. Okay, kids. Who can tell me
what this room's called?Copy !req
512. Very good. The Hall of African Mammals.Copy !req
513. Right here we have the king of the jungle,
the lion.Copy !req
514. Up ahead is one of my favorite creatures in
the whole museum, the capuchin monkey.Copy !req
515. A highly intelligent primate
known for its loving and generous nature.Copy !req
516. Excuse me?Copy !req
517. I just thought that was...Copy !req
518. I just was laughing in agreement.Copy !req
519. Happy monkey.Copy !req
520. All right, kids. This way.Copy !req
521. Let me tell you something.
I'm not buying it.Copy !req
522. You might have them fooled,
you might have the kids fooled. Not me.Copy !req
523. Can't get past me.
There's a storm coming, buddy.Copy !req
524. There's a storm coming.Copy !req
525. One of the most famous trackers
in history, Sakagawea was the woman...Copy !req
526. who led Lewis and Clark on
their expedition to find the Pacific Ocean.Copy !req
527. You guys have heard the saying,
"Actions speak louder than words."Copy !req
528. And yet they wrote—Copy !req
529. - Yes, Mr. Daley?
- Yes. Was she deaf?Copy !req
530. Was she deaf? No. She was not.
But she—Copy !req
531. Yeah, because— Just— She does seem
a little bit sort of unresponsive.Copy !req
532. That's because she's a statue.Copy !req
533. Kids, could you give me one sec?
Go check her out. She's really cool.Copy !req
534. - What are you doing?
- I'm gonna be here every night.Copy !req
535. I wanted to learn a little bit more
about what I'm guarding.Copy !req
536. Actually, I've got a bunch of questions.Copy !req
537. Maybe when you have a break,
could I buy you a cup of coffee?Copy !req
538. A cup of coffee?Copy !req
539. Yeah, I mean, just purely a, you know...Copy !req
540. colleague-to-colleague,
information-download sort of coffee.Copy !req
541. I finish in 20 minutes.
I'll meet you outside.Copy !req
542. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
543. - And have a good rest of your—
- All right. Okay, kids.Copy !req
544. It was incredible what she did.Copy !req
545. She literally led these men
across rivers, up mountains...Copy !req
546. all with her newborn baby on her back.
She was the ultimate working mother.Copy !req
547. Wow, you are quite
the Sakagawean expert.Copy !req
548. - Sakagawean.
- Sakagawean?Copy !req
549. Yeah. I should be, I've been writing
my dissertation on her for four years.Copy !req
550. You've been working on one paper
for four years? That would drive me crazy.Copy !req
551. Actually, it's more like a 900-page book.Copy !req
552. So, what's your story? Have you
always wanted to be a security guard?Copy !req
553. - Oh, I didn't mean to—
- No, no, no.Copy !req
554. No, I'm divorced
and I have a 10-year-old son...Copy !req
555. so I needed to find
a more steady situation.Copy !req
556. Got it. So, what can I tell you
about the museum?Copy !req
557. Okay, Attila the Hun.
What is that guy's problem?Copy !req
558. Attila was considered the only
genuine threat to the Roman Empire.Copy !req
559. "Known as the 'Scourge of God'...Copy !req
560. Attila and his Huns would often
tear off the limbs of their helpless victims.Copy !req
561. Attila was famous
for his superstitious beliefs.Copy !req
562. He surrounded himself with a phalanx
of sorcerers and magicians...Copy !req
563. who advised and mystified him
with their dark arts."Copy !req
564. Larry?Copy !req
565. Just wanted to say good luck, son.Copy !req
566. And goodbye.
We're clocking out for the last time.Copy !req
567. If you're ever in Boca, look us up.Copy !req
568. Wait, you guys are going out of town?
What if this doesn't work out?Copy !req
569. Smart fellow like you? You'll be fine.Copy !req
570. Yeah. We'll just be a phone call away.
Come on, walk us out.Copy !req
571. You fellas go ahead.Copy !req
572. I need a moment.Copy !req
573. He's very emotional.
A lot of memories in this room.Copy !req
574. Go crazy, big guy.Copy !req
575. Hey, guys.Copy !req
576. Quest for fire...Copy !req
577. over. Knock yourselves out.Copy !req
578. Morning, dum-dum.Copy !req
579. Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum.
You bring me gum-gum?Copy !req
580. Yes, I did, fathead.
Lots and lots of gum-gum.Copy !req
581. What's that?
I can't hear you through the glass.Copy !req
582. Sorry.Copy !req
583. Heave.Copy !req
584. Heave. Heave.Copy !req
585. Hey, what's going on over here?Copy !req
586. We expand or we die.Copy !req
587. Heave.Copy !req
588. - Heave.
- On the count of three...Copy !req
589. you blow this anthill to kingdom come.Copy !req
590. - And a one and a two—
- Hey, Jed. Stop that.Copy !req
591. No, no. You blow a hole in your mountain,
all you're gonna hit is a wall.Copy !req
592. Step aside, Gigantor. We got us a rail road
to build. We're blowing a hole in that thing.Copy !req
593. Okay, first of all, enough with
the Gigantor giant stuff, okay?Copy !req
594. - I'm just trying to close up shop.
- We're gonna blow it anyway. And a three!Copy !req
595. Yeah. What are you doing?Copy !req
596. What does it look like we're doing?
It's manifest destiny.Copy !req
597. You can't fight it and neither can I.
Go! More dynamite.Copy !req
598. - Yeah, use it all.
- All right. Okay.Copy !req
599. Listen, "Octavus"? You gotta stop that.Copy !req
600. It's Octavius, mary.Copy !req
601. Okay, you know what? Fine. Great.
Here you go. This is what happens.Copy !req
602. - You cannot do this. I am a Roman general.
- Sorry.Copy !req
603. - I have rights.
- And you.Copy !req
604. - Hey, no! Put me down!
- Keep heaving, men.Copy !req
605. You can't stop progress!Copy !req
606. We're gonna have a little talk, okay?Copy !req
607. I told you, I don't like to be manhandled.Copy !req
608. No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah.
Now, listen, guys.Copy !req
609. What is your problem, huh?
Why can't you just get along?Copy !req
610. Look, we're men. We fight, okay?
That's what we do.Copy !req
611. It's kind of how we pass the time.Copy !req
612. You're, like, a giant. A freak, if you will.
We can't expect you to understand that.Copy !req
613. You got the whole room to run around in.
You don't have to be near each other.Copy !req
614. - What, you mean...?
- You're gonna let us out?Copy !req
615. What, and just roam free?Copy !req
616. Yeah. Yeah, I might,
if you promise to behave.Copy !req
617. That means no fireballs,
no explosions, okay?Copy !req
618. You have my word, my liege.Copy !req
619. Yeah, no problemo, Gigantor.Copy !req
620. My name's Larry, first of all. Okay, Jed?Copy !req
621. So I call you Jed.
I don't call you Tiny, right?Copy !req
622. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
623. - "Hey, Teeny." How does that sound?
- I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.Copy !req
624. "Gigantor" makes me feel
like some sort of freak, so...Copy !req
625. I don't. I just call you Larry.Copy !req
626. Don't be a kiss-ass, okay?Copy !req
627. Look, I'm trusting you guys, all right?Copy !req
628. If you don't do what I say,
you can end up like the Mayan world there.Copy !req
629. Locked up. Take a look.Copy !req
630. - Do they look happy?
- No.Copy !req
631. They look sad.Copy !req
632. They can't do what they wanna do.
Now, I'm letting you guys...Copy !req
633. have a little bit of leash here.
Don't choke me with it, okay?Copy !req
634. I gotta run. You guys play nice, okay?
Okay. Good. Thanks.Copy !req
635. Hey, how's that gum treating you,
dum-dum?Copy !req
636. Good.Copy !req
637. Oh, hey, Dexter.
I'm just locking up. You want in?Copy !req
638. Yeah?Copy !req
639. All right.Copy !req
640. What's that? You got my keys?Copy !req
641. I don't think so.Copy !req
642. Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one
on little Dexie.Copy !req
643. Those are baby keys for a little baby.Copy !req
644. Have fun with your baby keys,
little baby monkey.Copy !req
645. Tomorrow I'll bring you a little baby diapy
so you can go poo-poo in it.Copy !req
646. I'll give you a tickle
because you're a cute baby.Copy !req
647. While you cry all night long
about how Uncle Larry fooled you, huh?Copy !req
648. I told you there was a storm coming.Copy !req
649. - Hey, Teddy.
- Lawrence.Copy !req
650. You impertinent pup.
I knew you'd come back.Copy !req
651. - You look like a man on a mission.
- Yeah, I'm gonna give it another shot.Copy !req
652. - You...?
- What?Copy !req
653. - You checking her out?
- The nerve.Copy !req
654. Checking her out.
I've never heard of such a thing.Copy !req
655. No, no, no. I'm just— I mean
because, you know, she's very beautiful.Copy !req
656. Beautiful'?
- Yeah.Copy !req
657. - Rather handsome woman, I suppose.
- Yeah.Copy !req
658. I don't know,
maybe you should go talk to her.Copy !req
659. - Indeed. Bless you, lad.
- Yeah. All right.Copy !req
660. - Carry on.
- Good. See you.Copy !req
661. "I"Copy !req
662. Hey, hi.Copy !req
663. No! It's okay!
It's okay. You guys speak English?Copy !req
664. No?Copy !req
665. Right. I don't know what that means...Copy !req
666. and I know that you and I got off
on the wrong foot last night, but...Copy !req
667. a little birdie told me
that somebody likes...Copy !req
668. magic.Copy !req
669. - Magic?
- Magic.Copy !req
670. Sorcery.Copy !req
671. Ah, sewer—Copy !req
672. Yes. Illusion.Copy !req
673. Everybody likes magic.Copy !req
674. And flowers. People like flowers.Copy !req
675. There you go. Those are for you.Copy !req
676. You know what else people like?
Money.Copy !req
677. The almighty dollar, right'?
But money can sometimes...Copy !req
678. disappear.Copy !req
679. At least that's what I...Copy !req
680. “hear.Copy !req
681. No wonder you can't understand me.
You got a coin in your ear.Copy !req
682. Check this out. Anybody need a hanky?Copy !req
683. Well, I wouldn't suggest this little
feller because he has a nasty habit...Copy !req
684. of vanishing...Copy !req
685. into thin air!Copy !req
686. No, no. Don't. That defeats the— Don't!Copy !req
687. Not the limbs. Guys, please,
do not tear the limbs.Copy !req
688. Cortés, right?Copy !req
689. How?Copy !req
690. You! Don't even think about it.
Don't you—Copy !req
691. Dexter!Copy !req
692. Come on, guys!Copy !req
693. Hey, guys!Copy !req
694. Hey, guys. Hey, guys!Copy !req
695. Sorry. What's going on?
What happened here?Copy !req
696. I thought we had a deal.Copy !req
697. We will never coexist
with these buffoons.Copy !req
698. We're past words, Laredo.Copy !req
699. Now it's time to let Smith & Wesson
do the talking!Copy !req
700. Those guns don't even work.Copy !req
701. They don't? Take a look at this.Copy !req
702. Dexter!Copy !req
703. Why?Copy !req
704. Ho! Dexter.Copy !req
705. End of the line, cool breeze.Copy !req
706. End of the line.Copy !req
707. I am not playing games here.Copy !req
708. Just hand them over.Copy !req
709. Easy. That's it, Dexter.Copy !req
710. Nice and easy, Dex. That's it.Copy !req
711. Good Lord, Lawrence!
Why are you slapping a monkey?Copy !req
712. Teddy, this guy's been pushing me,
and I'm sick of it!Copy !req
713. Poppycock. This little creature is
your primate brother.Copy !req
714. Without him, there's no us.Copy !req
715. Are you rabid?Copy !req
716. Wipe that off.Copy !req
717. You have to deal with this creature
with love and respect.Copy !req
718. May I have the keys, dear friend?Copy !req
719. Thank you. Lawrence?Copy !req
720. Well, you know what?Copy !req
721. You seem to know what you're doing,
so I'm gonna let you take over.Copy !req
722. No, no. My dear boy, you can't put up
the white flag now.Copy !req
723. The museum is on the verge
of total anarchy.Copy !req
724. I tried! I came back tonight,
didn't I?Copy !req
725. Tried? That was one night. I didn't build
the Panama Canal in one day.Copy !req
726. That's great, but I'm dealing with
the most ridiculous job in history.Copy !req
727. Some men are born great, Lawrence—Copy !req
728. Yeah, I know. Others have
greatness thrust upon them.Copy !req
729. You hit me with that chestnut
last night.Copy !req
730. The thing is, not everyone is great.Copy !req
731. That's the problem.
Some of us are just ordinary.Copy !req
732. No, you're not, Lawrence.
Stop wallowing in self-pity.Copy !req
733. Every journey begins with a footstep.Copy !req
734. Teach the inhabitants to get along,
they wouldn't need to be locked up.Copy !req
735. That means a lot coming from a guy
who's spent the last 50 years...Copy !req
736. spying on a girl he's never even
talked to.Copy !req
737. I was going to make contact.
Lawrence, please.Copy !req
738. I'm done, all right?Copy !req
739. No, Rexy! No!Copy !req
740. Oh, no.Copy !req
741. All right.Copy !req
742. No one comes here anymore. Besides,
I took this tour in second grade, Daley.Copy !req
743. I'm telling you,
my dad's gonna hook us up.Copy !req
744. - Mr. Daley?
- Yeah?Copy !req
745. - Foam.
- Yes, I know.Copy !req
746. In the Neanderthal display.Copy !req
747. There was an incident last night
with the fire extinguisher.Copy !req
748. I was on my way to go clean it up.Copy !req
749. Okay, don't bother. You're fired.Copy !req
750. I don't think we're getting a tour today.Copy !req
751. Your dad just got canned, dude.Copy !req
752. Excuse me?Copy !req
753. Mr. McPhee?Copy !req
754. Excuse me, Mr. McPhee?Copy !req
755. Can I talk to you about this, please?Copy !req
756. - Sir?
- What?Copy !req
757. I know I screwed up, but I finally
understand how to do this job.Copy !req
758. - You obviously don't.
- No, I didn't, but now I do.Copy !req
759. - Really, Mr. McPhee—
- Doctor.Copy !req
760. Dr. McPhee.Copy !req
761. Can you please give me one more night?Copy !req
762. - One more night.
- Okay, thank you.Copy !req
763. And if anything is the tiniest...Copy !req
764. after your shift:Copy !req
765. Because...Copy !req
766. - Got it.
- Okay?Copy !req
767. Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice...Copy !req
768. Shame on me. Fool me—
Shame on me.Copy !req
769. - You.
- Fool me twice... Got it.Copy !req
770. - Take it or leave it.
- Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
771. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
772. - What's wrong?
- Maybe you should ask Nicky.Copy !req
773. Hey, buddy. What's going on?Copy !req
774. You got fired.Copy !req
775. What are you talking about?
I didn't get fired.Copy !req
776. I came to the museum this morning.
I saw your boss yelling at you.Copy !req
777. Why didn't you tell me?
Everything's fine.Copy !req
778. We just had a little misunderstanding.Copy !req
779. Why?Copy !req
780. It's hard to explain.
I mean, you wouldn't bel—Copy !req
781. You know what? Let me show you.Copy !req
782. - Show me what?
- Come to work with me tonight.Copy !req
783. Larry?Copy !req
784. Can I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
785. Am I in trouble?Copy !req
786. Larry, what are you doing?Copy !req
787. I just wanna show him what I do.
That's all.Copy !req
788. I love that you wanna share that
with him, but I gotta tell you...Copy !req
789. I don't think Nicky has any room
in his heart for more disappointment.Copy !req
790. He won't be disappointed.Copy !req
791. Larry.Copy !req
792. He won't be disappointed.Copy !req
793. Listen, hang out in the security
office till everyone's gone.Copy !req
794. Then I'm gonna come get you.
All right?Copy !req
795. Hey, miss? I'm gonna have to ask you
to vacate the premises.Copy !req
796. - Hey there.
- Hey.Copy !req
797. - Good place to think, huh?
- Yeah. Definitely.Copy !req
798. So no big plans tonight?Copy !req
799. Yeah, no, I'm not really
a big-plan person.Copy !req
800. I prefer hanging outwith people
who are dead for 200 years.Copy !req
801. It's the live ones that throw me.Copy !req
802. That's cool. Seriously though,
you do have to leave.Copy !req
803. - Seriously?
- Yeah, sorry. It's museum rules.Copy !req
804. We're sort of locking everything up.Copy !req
805. You're really taking your job seriously.Copy !req
806. You know, once I clip on the tie,
I'm all business.Copy !req
807. - I get it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
808. How's that dissertation coming?Copy !req
809. I've hit a dead end. I mean,
research can only get me so far.Copy !req
810. I'm never gonna know
who she really was.Copy !req
811. So I think it's time that I move on
to another subject.Copy !req
812. I'll let you get back to work.Copy !req
813. - Good night, Larry.
- Yeah, okay.Copy !req
814. Night.Copy !req
815. Hey.Copy !req
816. Rebecca!Copy !req
817. - Hey, Rebecca.
- Hey.Copy !req
818. Hey. Listen, I don't think you should
give up on your paper.Copy !req
819. Okay. Why?Copy !req
820. All right, look, this is gonna
sound crazy, all right?Copy !req
821. I mean, it's gonna sound, like,
really, really crazy.Copy !req
822. - Okay.
- No, I mean insanely crazy.Copy !req
823. - I can handle it.
- Okay.Copy !req
824. You know how they say in certain
museums, history comes alive'?Copy !req
825. - Yeah.
- In this museum...Copy !req
826. it actually does.Copy !req
827. What are you talking about?Copy !req
828. Everything in this museum
comes to life at night.Copy !req
829. - Really?
- Yeah, really. I'm not kidding you.Copy !req
830. You know that tablet?
The Tablet of Ahkmenrah?Copy !req
831. It actually brings things to life.
It's like some ancient spell.Copy !req
832. Since the '50s, every night
everything's been coming to life.Copy !req
833. Teddy Roosevelt told me. Seriously.
The monkey, Dexter? The cute little—Copy !req
834. - What is he?
- Capuchin.Copy !req
835. A capuchin. Right. The capuchin.
He urinated on me and bit my nose.Copy !req
836. And Sakagawea is in her case,
alive every night...Copy !req
837. just listening to Lewis and Clark
argue.Copy !req
838. So if you really wanna get inside
her head...Copy !req
839. I can hook that up.Copy !req
840. That's cool.Copy !req
841. Yeah, it's cool. It's freaking awesome.Copy !req
842. Make fun of the history geek.Copy !req
843. - No. Rebecca!
- Good night, Larry.Copy !req
844. No, I'm not making fun of you.
Rebecca.Copy !req
845. - Here you go. Best seat in the house.
- What's going on?Copy !req
846. If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy.
I'm gonna show you.Copy !req
847. - What?
- You'll see in about 20 seconds.Copy !req
848. - Okay, you like Tyrannosaurus Rex?
- Yeah.Copy !req
849. Yeah? Well, I call him Rexy.Copy !req
850. And he's about to come to life,
Nicholas, in...Copy !req
851. five, four, three, two...Copy !req
852. - Dad?
- Hang on a sec.Copy !req
853. Say hello to Rexy!Copy !req
854. Dad, are you okay?Copy !req
855. This is weird.Copy !req
856. Guys! Come on!Copy !req
857. Sundown!Copy !req
858. Hey, T.R., come on, rise and shine.
Buddy, I need you to wake up.Copy !req
859. Come on, my kid is here.
I need you to wake up.Copy !req
860. Texas? Texas! Come on!
Texas! Come on! Get on, Texas!Copy !req
861. Get on, Texas! Get up.Copy !req
862. Just stop, okay?Copy !req
863. No, Nicky, I'm telling you,
there's this tablet, okay?Copy !req
864. Called the Tablet of Ahkmenrah.
Every night—Copy !req
865. - Now there's a tablet?
- Yeah, there is.Copy !req
866. Come on, Dad.Copy !req
867. Come on.Copy !req
868. - It's gone.
- What's gone?Copy !req
869. The tablet. I think somebody stole it.Copy !req
870. Yeah, right.Copy !req
871. I'm not kidding, Nicky.Copy !req
872. Nicky?Copy !req
873. Hey, Nicky!Copy !req
874. Hey! Hey, Nicky! Where are you going?Copy !req
875. - Home.
- What? Wait a minute.Copy !req
876. Come on.Copy !req
877. You guys shouldn't be here.Copy !req
878. Give us the tablet, son.Copy !req
879. Wait a minute, Nicky.
What are you guys doing?Copy !req
880. We're not gonna hurt you.
Give us the tablet.Copy !req
881. I'm sorry to tell you this, son,
but your dad doesn't work here.Copy !req
882. He got fired this morning.
Couldn't hack it.Copy !req
883. Dad? I thought you said
you weren't fired.Copy !req
884. I did. They're lying,
trying to steal that thing.Copy !req
885. Turn the middle piece,
you'll see what I was talking about.Copy !req
886. That is museum property, son.
Give it back.Copy !req
887. Nicky, trust me. Just turn it.Copy !req
888. - Give us the tablet!
- Nicky?Copy !req
889. Trust me.Copy !req
890. Nick? Run. Now.Copy !req
891. Get back here, kid!Copy !req
892. Bad idea, Larry.Copy !req
893. You wanna dance, hot dog?
You wanna dance?Copy !req
894. Gus, you're an old man.
I don't wanna hurt you.Copy !req
895. You see, Larry, a few years into
the job, the three of us realized that...Copy !req
896. like everything else in this museum,
we got new life at night.Copy !req
897. Sundown to sunrise,
we felt young again.Copy !req
898. Okay. Did not see that coming.Copy !req
899. Gave us an energy boost.Copy !req
900. We love the nightlife, Larry.Copy !req
901. So when we found out
they were gonna fire us...Copy !req
902. we had to steal the tablet.Copy !req
903. Everyone knows you need the money.Copy !req
904. Add the stuff we planted
in your place...Copy !req
905. pretty obvious you committed
the crime.Copy !req
906. Take care of that cut.Copy !req
907. Come on, guys, let's go find that kid.Copy !req
908. - Sweet dreams, cupcake!
- No!Copy !req
909. Pile driver!Copy !req
910. Let's get our tablet.Copy !req
911. Thank you very much.
We'll take it from here.Copy !req
912. Nicky!Copy !req
913. Just in time, Larry.
We were just locking up.Copy !req
914. Sleep tight, hotshot.Copy !req
915. Let's grab everything we can fence.Copy !req
916. I don't know about you,
but I'm planning on a long retirement.Copy !req
917. Teddy! Teddy, if you're out there,
I need you, pal!Copy !req
918. Someone call my name?Copy !req
919. Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.Copy !req
920. Teddy, can you get us out of here?Copy !req
921. Can't do it, man. This is your moment.Copy !req
922. Will you save the lectures, please?
I'm not you. Okay?Copy !req
923. I didn't build the Panama Canal,
I wasn't president of the United States!Copy !req
924. I need some help. Come on.Copy !req
925. Actually...Copy !req
926. I never did any of those things.
Teddy Roosevelt did.Copy !req
927. I was made in a mannequin factory
in Poughkeepsie.Copy !req
928. I never shot a wild beast.Copy !req
929. I'm not even brave enough to tell
that beautiful woman I love her.Copy !req
930. But you...Copy !req
931. you gotta finish the job this time.
You can't quit.Copy !req
932. I'm made of wax, Larry.Copy !req
933. What are you made of?Copy !req
934. - Wait! That's all you got for me?
- That's it!Copy !req
935. That's it. Come on.Copy !req
936. Duck!Copy !req
937. Go over there!Copy !req
938. Hey. Hi. How are you doing?
Sorry to bother you...Copy !req
939. but your guys there? Your jackal guys?Copy !req
940. Do you think you could ask them
to back off, please?Copy !req
941. We're not trying to hurt you, they think
we are. Could you do it like now?Copy !req
942. Thank you. Nicky.Copy !req
943. Thank you.Copy !req
944. Dad?Copy !req
945. You would not believe how stuffy
it is in there.Copy !req
946. - How come you speak English?
- I went to Cambridge University.Copy !req
947. You went to Cambridge?Copy !req
948. I was on display
in the Egyptology Department.Copy !req
949. I am Ahkmenrah, fourth king
of the fourth king...Copy !req
950. ruler of the land of my fathers.Copy !req
951. I am Larry...Copy !req
952. son of Milton...Copy !req
953. and this is my son, Nick.Copy !req
954. And we hail from Brooklyn.Copy !req
955. Well, I do. I mean, he comes out and
stays with me on Wednesdays...Copy !req
956. and every other weekend.Copy !req
957. That was the custody agreement
that we had.Copy !req
958. Larry, Nick, guardians of Brooklyn...Copy !req
959. I am forever in your debt.Copy !req
960. Now bestow the tablet upon me...Copy !req
961. so that I may assume command
of my kingdom.Copy !req
962. Oh, yes. Okay, the tablet. I would...Copy !req
963. love to bestow it upon you,
but we don't actually...Copy !req
964. have it.Copy !req
965. Thanks, guys. Don't worry.
I'll watch out for him!Copy !req
966. Thank you.Copy !req
967. What is that?Copy !req
968. Huns.Copy !req
969. I gotta deal with this guy.Copy !req
970. Pardon me, Larry. I speak Hun.Copy !req
971. He says that he wants to rip you apart.Copy !req
972. All right. Again with the ripping.
Listen, I understand.Copy !req
973. I get it. Ripping for you...
You want to rip things, okay?Copy !req
974. And I think maybe that's because
somebody ripped you a long time ago.Copy !req
975. In here.Copy !req
976. Somebody ripped little...Copy !req
977. baby Attila a long time ago,
right here.Copy !req
978. They ripped something out,
didn't they?Copy !req
979. They ripped love.Copy !req
980. They ripped love right out of you,
didn't they?Copy !req
981. A little baby all alone in a tent...Copy !req
982. whose daddy went off...Copy !req
983. to pillage some town...Copy !req
984. or go and plunder somewhere,
just doing his job.Copy !req
985. But who was left alone?Copy !req
986. You.Copy !req
987. Let it out. Let it go. Let it go.Copy !req
988. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
989. You're next.Copy !req
990. Good. That's good. Just breathe.Copy !req
991. - Larry Daley.
- Yeah.Copy !req
992. Good. Yes.Copy !req
993. Yeah. Okay. Good, good.Copy !req
994. All right!
I need everybody to listen up!Copy !req
995. Guys! Come on!Copy !req
996. Quiet!Copy !req
997. My dum-dum want to speak.Copy !req
998. Thank you.Copy !req
999. Now, this here's King Ahkmenrah.Copy !req
1000. His tablet is what brings you to life
every night.Copy !req
1001. And those old night watchmen?
They stole it.Copy !req
1002. Now, we need to find those guards
and get the tablet back...Copy !req
1003. and we need to do it before morning.Copy !req
1004. Civil War guys,
head over to the Planetarium Wing.Copy !req
1005. My explorer friend
whose name escapes me.Copy !req
1006. - It's Columbus.
- Right, Columbus! Right, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1007. There's no nameplate, so...
Columbus, take the Neanderthals...Copy !req
1008. and do a sweep from Invertebrates
all the way through Reptiles.Copy !req
1009. Jed and Octavius, their van's parked
out back. Go take care of it.Copy !req
1010. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no!
No, sir. I ain't working with toga boy.Copy !req
1011. Romans work alone.Copy !req
1012. - That didn't hurt. Don't be a baby.
- Yes, it did.Copy !req
1013. Come on.Copy !req
1014. That was much harder!Copy !req
1015. Guys, come on!Copy !req
1016. Jed, Octavius.Copy !req
1017. Take away the fact you were born
2000 years apart...Copy !req
1018. you guys aren't that different.Copy !req
1019. You're both great leaders.Copy !req
1020. You just want what's best
for your people, right?Copy !req
1021. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1022. Civil War dudes.Copy !req
1023. You guys are brothers, for God's sakes.
You gotta stop fighting.Copy !req
1024. North wins. Slavery's bad. Sorry.Copy !req
1025. Don't wanna burst your bubble.
But, South, you guys get Allman Brothers...Copy !req
1026. and NASCAR, so just chill!Copy !req
1027. Look, without that tablet,
all of this...Copy !req
1028. this whole coming-to-life-at-night thing,
it all goes away.Copy !req
1029. Now, I don't wanna let that happen,
but I need your help.Copy !req
1030. We can get this done,
but we gotta do it together.Copy !req
1031. So who's with me?Copy !req
1032. Yeah.Copy !req
1033. - Who's with me?
- Yeah!Copy !req
1034. - Yeah!
- Charge!Copy !req
1035. All right! Now, let's do this, people!Copy !req
1036. And animals!Copy !req
1037. And weird, faceless puppet creatures.
Come on, let's go! Let's do it!Copy !req
1038. Come on! Follow me, boys!Copy !req
1039. Geronimo!Copy !req
1040. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
1041. Now, boys, we can do this the easy way
or the hard way.Copy !req
1042. I guess it's gonna be the hard way.Copy !req
1043. Right, men, we're almost there.Copy !req
1044. Save yourself!Copy !req
1045. I ain't quitting you!Copy !req
1046. Gus?Copy !req
1047. Reginald?Copy !req
1048. Fellas, where are you?Copy !req
1049. Guys?Copy !req
1050. That's what I'm talking about.
Good job, gentlemen.Copy !req
1051. Loving the teamwork!Copy !req
1052. They've vanished.
How will we find them?Copy !req
1053. I know someone who can help. Come on.Copy !req
1054. Watch out!Copy !req
1055. Hey, Sakagawea, or wea. Listen,
I need a favor. Somebody stole his tablet.Copy !req
1056. You think you can track the guys
who took it?Copy !req
1057. He went east
but he lost control and crashed.Copy !req
1058. You're amazing. How can you tell that?Copy !req
1059. He left the wagon...Copy !req
1060. and went back.Copy !req
1061. He went back?Copy !req
1062. Why would he go back?Copy !req
1063. Get out of the way!Copy !req
1064. You saved me.Copy !req
1065. You're worth saving, my dear.Copy !req
1066. - That's problematic.
- Teddy. Oh, man.Copy !req
1067. Larry, relax. I'm wax.Copy !req
1068. You gotta do something.
Dawn's approaching.Copy !req
1069. - Half the museum's running amuck outside.
- He's got my tablet.Copy !req
1070. Come on, Ockie!Copy !req
1071. At your service, Gigantor!Copy !req
1072. How can we be of assistance, my liege?Copy !req
1073. Just give me a second, guys.Copy !req
1074. Rexy?Copy !req
1075. Here, boy.Copy !req
1076. Teddy, I need a horse.Copy !req
1077. Do it, man.Copy !req
1078. - Come on, boy! Let me hear you yell!
- Yeah!Copy !req
1079. Just living the dream, baby!Copy !req
1080. I'm loving this!Copy !req
1081. Pull the stagecoach over now!Copy !req
1082. Can I make this turn up here?Copy !req
1083. I'll take that as a yes. Hang on!Copy !req
1084. I can't hold it!Copy !req
1085. Come on, Tex, let's finish this.Copy !req
1086. Come on!Copy !req
1087. Give me the tablet, Cecil!Copy !req
1088. Can't do it, son.Copy !req
1089. Pull over!Copy !req
1090. It ain't gonna happen. Moving on.Copy !req
1091. Last chance, Cecil.
Stop the horses or I will!Copy !req
1092. They can't be stopped, Larry.Copy !req
1093. Don't you know your history?Copy !req
1094. These are money carriers. They were trained
not to stop for anything but a secret word.Copy !req
1095. Really? You mean a word like...Copy !req
1096. "Dakota"?Copy !req
1097. Come on, Tex.Copy !req
1098. I read up on my history.
Thanks for the tip.Copy !req
1099. Oh, and by the way...Copy !req
1100. don't ever talk to me like that
in front of my son.Copy !req
1101. Moving on.Copy !req
1102. - Hey, Huns.
- Tell Attila to have his boys...Copy !req
1103. take him back.
Put him with the guards.Copy !req
1104. Oh, and no limb ripping, okay?Copy !req
1105. Hey, boy. Wait, wait, hold the phone.Copy !req
1106. What's makeekaka mean?
Wait. Translation, please.Copy !req
1107. The year was 1909. I was going up
the Zambezi River in Africa.Copy !req
1108. And our river guide was a brilliant Pygmy
who spoke only by clicking.Copy !req
1109. There we are.Copy !req
1110. - Oh, boy.
- What is it?Copy !req
1111. I gotta get you guys
back to the museum.Copy !req
1112. How?Copy !req
1113. Ahkmenrah, I'm gonna need your help.Copy !req
1114. This is your tablet. You know
the instructions. You get everyone back.Copy !req
1115. Come on. There's somebody
who's gotta see this.Copy !req
1116. What I'm saying is, for the type of money
that they pay A-Rod...Copy !req
1117. he ought to be bringing home
a World Series trophy every season.Copy !req
1118. You know what I mean?Copy !req
1119. Now, who are they gonna get
to clean up all that doo-doo?Copy !req
1120. - Inuit.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1121. One terracotta soldier.Copy !req
1122. - Vikings.
- Right.Copy !req
1123. - Alpaca.
- Welcome back, ladies.Copy !req
1124. - Llama.
- Hey.Copy !req
1125. Viking guys.Copy !req
1126. Do me a favor. Your fellows
made some funeral pyre...Copy !req
1127. in Petrified Wood. Go clean that up.Copy !req
1128. Okay? Thank you.Copy !req
1129. - He's back.
- All right, I'll deal with this joker.Copy !req
1130. Hey, hey, Moose.
It's not gonna happen, buddy. All right?Copy !req
1131. I told you, you can't come through
with those antlers.Copy !req
1132. So you and your caribou buddy
gotta go around to the loading dock.Copy !req
1133. - Lawrence!
- Hey, Teddy.Copy !req
1134. Great to see you in one piece.Copy !req
1135. Sakagawea, a little hot wax,
and I'm a new man.Copy !req
1136. Larry?Copy !req
1137. I told you I wasn't making fun of you.Copy !req
1138. - I know.
- Teddy?Copy !req
1139. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1140. Wanna meet her?Copy !req
1141. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1142. Okay, come on.Copy !req
1143. Excuse me. President Roosevelt,
this is my friend Rebecca.Copy !req
1144. - An honor.
- Hi.Copy !req
1145. And this is Sakagawea.Copy !req
1146. - Wea.
- Wea.Copy !req
1147. Wea.Copy !req
1148. I think she has a few questions
she wants to ask you.Copy !req
1149. You rock. I am a big fan.Copy !req
1150. What would you like to know?Copy !req
1151. Well, I mean,
I don't know where to start, but...Copy !req
1152. - One Buddha.
- Check.Copy !req
1153. Two zebras.Copy !req
1154. - Right. Check.
- Dexter! Welcome back.Copy !req
1155. Hey, Dex, so look.
No hard feelings, all right?Copy !req
1156. - Lawrence!
- You saw!Copy !req
1157. - You saw what he did just then!
- Who's evolved?Copy !req
1158. - I am.
- Who's evolved?Copy !req
1159. I am!Copy !req
1160. Good.Copy !req
1161. Well, they're all here.Copy !req
1162. Well done. Everyone's in.Copy !req
1163. Yeah, well...Copy !req
1164. not everyone.Copy !req
1165. We lost a couple of good, little men
out there tonight.Copy !req
1166. With great victory comes great sacrifice.Copy !req
1167. Yeah.Copy !req
1168. Dad, look.Copy !req
1169. Bully!Copy !req
1170. You ain't getting rid of us that easy.Copy !req
1171. Until tomorrow evening, Lawrence?Copy !req
1172. Yeah. I don't know about that, Teddy.Copy !req
1173. It's gonna be tough
to talk my way out of this one.Copy !req
1174. Well, if that's indeed the case...Copy !req
1175. then it's farewell, my friend.Copy !req
1176. Nick?Copy !req
1177. Your father's a great man.Copy !req
1178. I know.Copy !req
1179. Told you.Copy !req
1180. All right. Good night.Copy !req
1181. No, Lawrence. Good day.Copy !req
1182. Hey, Teddy?Copy !req
1183. Thanks.Copy !req
1184. You're watching New York 1.
News all morning.Copy !req
1185. Thanks for joining us.
There is a fresh blanket of snow.Copy !req
1186. But it's not the snow
that's got New Yorkers talking.Copy !req
1187. It's what's in the snow. There are
dinosaur tracks along West 81st Street.Copy !req
1188. Here's the remarkable video. These appear
to be Tyrannosaurus Rex tracks...Copy !req
1189. and they lead straight
to the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1190. Authorities have found what appear to be
cave drawings in the subway.Copy !req
1191. Neanderthals atop the museum roof.
Elaborate hoax or publicity stunt?Copy !req
1192. You be the judge,
but one thing's for sure:Copy !req
1193. The folks at the Natural History Museum
have really outdone them—Copy !req
1194. Any explanation at all?Copy !req
1195. No. Got nothing.Copy !req
1196. Good.Copy !req
1197. I'll take your keys and your flashlight.Copy !req
1198. Folks, this way.Copy !req
1199. My name is Nick Daley.
My Career Day parent is my dad.Copy !req
1200. He's the night watchman
at the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1201. Hey, how's it going? Well, Nicky said it:Copy !req
1202. I'm the night watchman
at the Museum of Natural History.Copy !req
1203. Let me tell you something:
That's when history comes alive.Copy !req
1204. How many of you guys
have been over to the museum?Copy !req
1205. Goal!Copy !req
1206. Hey, it's getting late.
Are you ready to go home?Copy !req
1207. Nope.Copy !req
1208. Let's ride.Copy !req
1209. It was nice of Larry not to rat us out,
but this is ridiculous.Copy !req
1210. We're night watchmen, not janitors!Copy !req
1211. Gentlemen, you're doing a terrific job.Copy !req
1212. I'll gonna catch a few Z's.Copy !req
1213. You ain't going nowhere.Copy !req
1214. Start mopping, hot dog.Copy !req
1215. Over here.Copy !req