1. It's time for
America's favorite game show:Copy !req
2. Pig in a Poke.Copy !req
3. Pig in a poke
It pays to be a gluttonCopy !req
4. Pig in a pokeCopy !req
5. Oink! Oink! Oink!Copy !req
6. Pig in a poke
You could win all or nothingCopy !req
7. Pig in a pokeCopy !req
8. Oink! Oink!Copy !req
9. So let's meet
our current champions...Copy !req
10. the Griswalds.Copy !req
11. And here's the star of our show:Copy !req
12. Kent Winkdale.Copy !req
13. Well, Clark,
it's time for your big decision.Copy !req
14. Are you gonna keep what's in the poke...Copy !req
15. or are you gonna risk everything
and go for the big prize?Copy !req
16. Johnny, remind our good folks
what they have already won.Copy !req
17. A supercharged
Honda 750 motorcycle.Copy !req
18. A dream kitchen
with brand-new major appliances.Copy !req
19. And for Clark, the king of the family...Copy !req
20. a 10-year supply of Regal Car Polish...Copy !req
21. the car wax of royalty.Copy !req
22. But first, Clark...Copy !req
23. why don't you remind our audience
who you are and what you do.Copy !req
24. Okay, Kent. I'm Clark W. Griswald.Copy !req
25. I'm in food additives and condiments,
not preservatives.Copy !req
26. Not preservatives.Copy !req
27. What about the family, Clark?Copy !req
28. This is my wife, Ellen,
my son, Rusty, and daughter, Audrey.Copy !req
29. Hello, Ellen.Copy !req
30. Hi, Rusty.Copy !req
31. And Audrey.Copy !req
32. Well, Clark...Copy !req
33. you've won some fantastic prizes.Copy !req
34. You wanna keep them...Copy !req
35. or you wanna risk everything
and be a pig?Copy !req
36. Be a pig. Be a pig.Copy !req
37. - Be a pig. Be a pig.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
38. Clark, let's just keep what we have.
I love the Señor Cappuccino.Copy !req
39. Dad, don't do it.
Nobody ever wins the grand prize.Copy !req
40. Kent, we've decided.Copy !req
41. Oink, oink. We'll be pigs.Copy !req
42. Aah! No!Copy !req
43. So long, motorcycle.Copy !req
44. Well, you're very brave. I wish you luck.Copy !req
45. And now, a fantastic surprise.Copy !req
46. Back by popular demand,
the all-time winningest family...Copy !req
47. in the history of Pig in a Poke,
the Froegers.Copy !req
48. The Froegers. Clark, no one's
ever beaten the Froegers.Copy !req
49. Now, Mr. Froeger, why don't
you tell us about yourselves.Copy !req
50. I won my Nobel Prize in 1967.Copy !req
51. My wife won hers in 1970.Copy !req
52. Our son, Moe, has just been elected
to the board of Microtech...Copy !req
53. that's a computer software corporation.Copy !req
54. And our daughter, Ruth,
she has just become...Copy !req
55. the youngest female ever to be
accepted at Harvard Law School.Copy !req
56. Good luck to all of you.Copy !req
57. Now, let's take a look
at our categories. Johnny...Copy !req
58. "Pharmacology."Copy !req
59. "American Explorers."Copy !req
60. "Chronology of the Pharaohs."Copy !req
61. "The Geography of the Brain."Copy !req
62. And "History of Early
Hungarian Cabinetmaking."Copy !req
63. - Not bad.
- Back to you, Kent.Copy !req
64. Froegers, since you're the challengers,
you get to pick first category.Copy !req
65. The one about Hungarians.Copy !req
66. Nobody knows anything
about Hungarians.Copy !req
67. Well, I don't know. Kent, we'd like
"The Geography of the Brain."Copy !req
68. The question is:Copy !req
69. "What are the pyramidal tracts?"Copy !req
70. Five seconds.Copy !req
71. I believe the pyramidal tracts
are a housing development...Copy !req
72. outside of Cairo.Copy !req
73. Too bad.Copy !req
74. Froegers, quickly.Copy !req
75. You are the champions
if you get the correct answer.Copy !req
76. Kent, the pyramidal tracts...Copy !req
77. are a complex of multisynaptic
lower motor neurons...Copy !req
78. which interconnect the basal ganglia
with the reticular formation.Copy !req
79. I'm sorry, you said
"lower" motor neurons.Copy !req
80. The correct answer
is upper motor neurons.Copy !req
81. Upper. Upper.Copy !req
82. - Well, nobody wins.
- Still in it. Still in it.Copy !req
83. Froegers, select another category.Copy !req
84. "Early Hungarian Cabinetmaking."Copy !req
85. "American Explorers."Copy !req
86. American Explorers. Griswalds.Copy !req
87. In 1804, an expedition explored an area...Copy !req
88. from the Louisiana Territory
to the Pacific Coast.Copy !req
89. For the grand prize...Copy !req
90. what lieutenant...Copy !req
91. led that expedition?Copy !req
92. - I give up.
- Wait a minute—Copy !req
93. Quiet down. I think I got this one.Copy !req
94. Five seconds.Copy !req
95. - Come on, Dad.
- Time's up, Griswalds.Copy !req
96. Do you have an answer?Copy !req
97. - Clark.
- That's it.Copy !req
98. Clark, of Lewis and Clark.Copy !req
99. And the Griswalds
are our grand prize winners.Copy !req
100. - No, that was a mistake.
- No.Copy !req
101. She doesn't know that. It was a mistake.Copy !req
102. Come on out here.Copy !req
103. The Griswalds have just
won a fabulous European vacation.Copy !req
104. We'll fly the whole family
to London, England...Copy !req
105. where you'll start off on a two-week
vacation extravaganza...Copy !req
106. you'll never forget.Copy !req
107. "On to Germany, where you'll enjoy
a fine meal at Dieter's on the Ruhr...Copy !req
108. and dance to the gay music of
Esther and the Black Forest Girls."Copy !req
109. I tell you, this is gonna be
some vacation, huh, kids?Copy !req
110. Yeah, Dad. Sure.Copy !req
111. Come on, Rusty, give me a hand
and set the table.Copy !req
112. Mom, why can't Audrey ever do it?Copy !req
113. Because Audrey has company.Copy !req
114. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.Copy !req
115. - Rusty, come on.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
116. - Clark.
- Russ, obey your mother.Copy !req
117. Jack, I can't stand the thought
of being away from you...Copy !req
118. - ... for a whole two weeks.
- Well, it'll be like before we met.Copy !req
119. Before we met, my life was horrible
and meaningless...Copy !req
120. wasn't yours?Copy !req
121. Yeah, sort of.Copy !req
122. Okay.Copy !req
123. Let's light them up.Copy !req
124. Audrey, will you please eat something?Copy !req
125. All right now, everybody.
Let's listen up here.Copy !req
126. Let's take a look at the map,
go over our schedule here. Okay?Copy !req
127. Now, the plane is gonna fly us
from Chicago to London.Copy !req
128. That's Madrid, Dad.Copy !req
129. I think you're right, Russ.Copy !req
130. This must be one
of those old medieval maps.Copy !req
131. - Yeah, right.
- Dad, I've made a decision.Copy !req
132. I can't leave Jack, and besides,
the food in Europe is fattening.Copy !req
133. Yeah, and I like her thin.
She eats too much.Copy !req
134. Clark, why don't you and I just go alone?Copy !req
135. It's obvious that the kids
don't even wanna go.Copy !req
136. Of course they wanna go.Copy !req
137. We're a family.
We're going to Europe as a family.Copy !req
138. - Don't we have a say in this?
- I think we should have a vote on it.Copy !req
139. Okay, I can be big about this.Copy !req
140. Form now on, we're a democracy.
Everybody gets a vote.Copy !req
141. Who's gonna be president?Copy !req
142. All right, we'll vote on that.
We'll have a secret ballot here.Copy !req
143. You write down your choice.Copy !req
144. Give it to your mother.Copy !req
145. Here you go, Russ.Copy !req
146. This'll be for the president...Copy !req
147. of the Republic of Griswald.Copy !req
148. All right, that's one for Clark.Copy !req
149. One for Rusty.Copy !req
150. One for Jack.Copy !req
151. - One for Clark.
- Okay, that's two for Clark.Copy !req
152. Now, as president
of the Griswald Republic...Copy !req
153. I move we go to Europe.Copy !req
154. Jack, you wait here.Copy !req
155. Oh, Clark. Oh, what are you doing?Copy !req
156. Just a little memento
before we go away, honey.Copy !req
157. - I just got the kids.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
158. I don't want anyone to see me like this.Copy !req
159. Don't be silly. No one's gonna see you.Copy !req
160. Honey, remember that song you did
in college in that musical...Copy !req
161. that dance thing?Copy !req
162. No. I'm not gonna do that.
No, Clark, I'm not doing that. No.Copy !req
163. Honey, you know I'm gonna erase this.Copy !req
164. - Really?
- Yeah. Come on.Copy !req
165. What do you say?Copy !req
166. Okay, okay. You go over here.Copy !req
167. I'm ready, honey. Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay.Copy !req
168. The minute you walked in the jointCopy !req
169. I could see you were
A man of distinctionCopy !req
170. A real big spenderCopy !req
171. Good-lookingCopy !req
172. So refinedCopy !req
173. Wouldn't you like to know
What's going on in my mind?Copy !req
174. So let me get right to the pointCopy !req
175. I don't pop my cork
For every guy I seeCopy !req
176. Hey, big spenderCopy !req
177. Spend
A little time with meCopy !req
178. Don't stop, honey.Copy !req
179. So sexy. I love you.Copy !req
180. Jeez, this Pig in a Poke itinerary
is just great.Copy !req
181. You know they've worked it out
to the exact minute?Copy !req
182. - We won't miss a thing, honey.
- Clark...Copy !req
183. why don't we just
forget their itinerary...Copy !req
184. and play it by ear? Like normal people.Copy !req
185. Honey, we're not normal people.
We're the Griswalds.Copy !req
186. Oh, kids. I've saved
the big surprise for last.Copy !req
187. - We're turning around and going home?
- No, no, Audrey.Copy !req
188. We're visiting my relatives in Germany.Copy !req
189. Not if we don't vote for it.Copy !req
190. - You'll vote for it, Russ.
- Why should I?Copy !req
191. Because I just raised
your allowance, that's why.Copy !req
192. I think I'm gonna like
this democracy stuff.Copy !req
193. - Would you like something to drink?
- You want something?Copy !req
194. - No. No, thank you.
- I'll have a Coke.Copy !req
195. Do you want that in the can?Copy !req
196. No, I'll have it right here.Copy !req
197. Honey, push "French."Copy !req
198. - Give me a French word.
- Soufflé.Copy !req
199. Soufflé. All right.Copy !req
200. Push "English."Copy !req
201. Okay, instant translation.
"Soufflé" means...Copy !req
202. soufflé.Copy !req
203. It's gotta mean something else.
Wait a minute.Copy !req
204. Lord and Lady Poncenby Smythe.Copy !req
205. - Lady Amelia Spicer...
- Very nice.Copy !req
206. and the Baron von Richtshofen.Copy !req
207. Mr. and Mrs. Clark and Ellen Griswald.Copy !req
208. - Oh, he came.
- Marvelous.Copy !req
209. The Griswalds.Copy !req
210. - Wonderful.
- Yes.Copy !req
211. Say, Chuck, how are you?Copy !req
212. - Good to see you.
- You look beautiful. Di.Copy !req
213. - Great to see you.
- You know my son, Charles...Copy !req
214. - ... and Lady Diana.
- This is my wife, Ellen.Copy !req
215. - Hello. Wonderful to see you.
- Di.Copy !req
216. - How are you?
- Clark, I do hope...Copy !req
217. we can have the first dance.Copy !req
218. There you go again, Di. Listen.Copy !req
219. As you well know, the only princess
in my life is my wife.Copy !req
220. She gets the first dance.Copy !req
221. - Sorry.
- No, Clark. Wait.Copy !req
222. - Sorry.
- Wait. Clark.Copy !req
223. Rusty.Copy !req
224. Rusty.Copy !req
225. No.Copy !req
226. The hills are aliveCopy !req
227. With the sound of GriswaldsCopy !req
228. They should spin around
For a very long timeCopy !req
229. I'm feeling so high
That I just can't stand itCopy !req
230. It's as though I've been hereCopy !req
231. For at least a weekCopy !req
232. Here we are, guv.
The Royal Imperial Windsor Hotel.Copy !req
233. It's all right.Copy !req
234. You want me to give you
a hand with that?Copy !req
235. Think you can manage—? Ow!Copy !req
236. Tell you what,
you can just get that stuff in.Copy !req
237. - And I'll...
- Come on, Mom.Copy !req
238. Carry that, and I'll get the luggage.
Russ, we could use your help.Copy !req
239. - I've got these bags.
- I just hope you can, sir.Copy !req
240. Sure you don't want me to help?Copy !req
241. This one's stuck. There, I got it.Copy !req
242. - Okay, Russ?
- Yeah, Dad. I got it.Copy !req
243. - Ellen, do you have any money?
- I've got it.Copy !req
244. - Okay, would you pay?
- No problem.Copy !req
245. Camembert cheese
is also produced on a large scale.Copy !req
246. And molded by the thousands
in giant factories.Copy !req
247. But historic places like the Abby of—Copy !req
248. Hello?Copy !req
249. Farmhouse Camembert.Copy !req
250. Top of the evening.
I'm Clark W. Griswald.Copy !req
251. We're from the
United States of America...Copy !req
252. and I believe
we have reservations for four.Copy !req
253. No, you're scuppered, mate.
It's all gone reels of cotton.Copy !req
254. Place is full of macaroons.Copy !req
255. I could get on the dog and bone
to my mate Jimmy the Spiv...Copy !req
256. - ... down Whitechapel way.
- Dad, he's speaking English.Copy !req
257. Yeah, I know.Copy !req
258. We got this from the Pig in a Poke show.Copy !req
259. They said there'd be rooms for four
and a rental car for us.Copy !req
260. We're the grand-prize winners.Copy !req
261. - Oink! Oink! Oink! We'll be pigs.
- We're pigs.Copy !req
262. Oh, the Yanks. Yeah.Copy !req
263. Yeah, follow me.Copy !req
264. You got anybody
to help with the luggage?Copy !req
265. Oh, sure. Mom.Copy !req
266. No, no, no. Please, really, no.Copy !req
267. Kids, come on. Help me out,
will you? Please sit.Copy !req
268. I mean, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
269. "Sixty-five rooms tastefully
decorated, all with private bathroom...Copy !req
270. and shower, color television, radio and
telephone. Deluxe accommodations...Copy !req
271. at the sumptuous
Royal Imperial Windsor Arms...Copy !req
272. combines old-world charm
and modern convenience."Copy !req
273. Clark. Does this look like...Copy !req
274. - ... the room in the brochure?
- Well, no. They...Copy !req
275. They shot this picture
from another angle.Copy !req
276. Or repainted. It's very quaint. I like it.Copy !req
277. Well, I'm sure it'll look much better
after I've had a hot bath.Copy !req
278. Well, the bed's nice and soft.Copy !req
279. Clark, there's no bathroom.Copy !req
280. Of course there's a bathroom.Copy !req
281. Europeans go to the bathroom,
don't they?Copy !req
282. Maybe they don't.Copy !req
283. Cheeses come in a great vari—Copy !req
284. I think we better call the front desk.
Something's wrong with this thing.Copy !req
285. We've only got four channels
and no MTV.Copy !req
286. - I think that's all there are, Russ.
- No.Copy !req
287. Cheeses— Cheeses—Copy !req
288. No. No.Copy !req
289. Just think of it,
shopping on Bond Street...Copy !req
290. bobbies, fish and chips, Big Ben.Copy !req
291. Shopping on Carnaby Street.Copy !req
292. It's gonna be so romantic.Copy !req
293. You know, I have to warn you.Copy !req
294. I'm feeling very naughty tonight.Copy !req
295. Sorry. Congratulations.Copy !req
296. One, two, three. One, two, three.Copy !req
297. - What can I do for you?
- I wanna leave a wake-up call...Copy !req
298. for 7 a.m., if you please. Good night.Copy !req
299. You're in bed already.
I left a wake-up call, honey.Copy !req
300. Get an early start in the morning.Copy !req
301. Love you, love you.Copy !req
302. I've been waiting for this.Copy !req
303. I can't believe we're alone at last.Copy !req
304. Just you and me.Copy !req
305. I'm so horny.Copy !req
306. And these bubbles.Copy !req
307. They make me feel so...Copy !req
308. You know, I feel like...Copy !req
309. You know.Copy !req
310. Ellen?Copy !req
311. When did you stop
shaving your legs, honey?Copy !req
312. Why don't you just jump in here with me?Copy !req
313. I think I made a mistake. Sorry.Copy !req
314. - Is my wife in here?
- No.Copy !req
315. I got so confused with all
the numerous doors in the hotel.Copy !req
316. I guess this happens all the time.Copy !req
317. - No.
- No?Copy !req
318. Could you unlock your legs
from my leg, please?Copy !req
319. - No.
- My right leg is asleep.Copy !req
320. If I could just— Oh, no.
Thank you, really. Please don't.Copy !req
321. - It's hot in here, is it?
- I gotta get— It's hot, yeah.Copy !req
322. Yeah, really hot.
If I could just undo that—Copy !req
323. I've got a mild case of herpes,
easier if I got out.Copy !req
324. - Awful for you.
- Let me just check—Copy !req
325. - I'll get a wake-up call first.
- Just check it?Copy !req
326. Clark, you won't believe what happened.Copy !req
327. - I was in the bathroom, in the tub.
- I've been looking for our room.Copy !req
328. - This guy came in—
- I go into this lady's room—Copy !req
329. - I don't even know where our room is.
- It's right here.Copy !req
330. For God's sake, they don't
even put numbers on the door.Copy !req
331. Here it is, kids.
Our English transportation.Copy !req
332. Now we're gonna have some fun.Copy !req
333. - Where's the wheel?
- Other side, Dad.Copy !req
334. Clark, you're driving
on the wrong side of the road.Copy !req
335. I realize that, honey.
I'm also on the wrong side of the car.Copy !req
336. Boy, I'm sorry.Copy !req
337. No trouble. Dear chap, don't mention it.Copy !req
338. I've had this bump for ages. Now,
I've got an excuse to get it fixed.Copy !req
339. - Listen, I'm fully covered—
- No, no, no.Copy !req
340. I should be the one who's thanking you.Copy !req
341. Well, of course. Thank you.Copy !req
342. - Here we go.
- No.Copy !req
343. - Yours.
- Good.Copy !req
344. - Very sorry, again.
- No. No, problem.Copy !req
345. God, he was nice.Copy !req
346. It's not bad in England, huh?Copy !req
347. God, I must say...Copy !req
348. the English are certainly...Copy !req
349. We seem to have
run into a bit of trouble, what.Copy !req
350. - Oh, rotten luck.
- I'm really sorry. I'm trying...Copy !req
351. to get us back to our hotel.Copy !req
352. An American. Delighted to meet you.Copy !req
353. - Thank you.
- I hope you're enjoying our country.Copy !req
354. Well, we are. If I get the driving straight—Copy !req
355. Don't worry about a thing like this.
No trouble at all.Copy !req
356. I mean, after all, I was driving
on the right side of the road.Copy !req
357. Which is the left side of the road.Copy !req
358. That's the whole problem.Copy !req
359. - Listen, let me get this for you.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
360. The least I can do is get it back
on your car for you.Copy !req
361. You keep that. Take it back
to New York as a memento, what.Copy !req
362. Thank you. That's very kind of you.Copy !req
363. Honey, here's another one. Thank you.Copy !req
364. Well, have a good day.Copy !req
365. - So long. Thanks again.
- Bye-bye.Copy !req
366. I think I got the hang of it now.Copy !req
367. All you have to do is just stay
on the right side—Copy !req
368. Oh, please.Copy !req
369. - Oh, please let me help you.
- Is he all right?Copy !req
370. Oh, no. No problem. No problem, squire.Copy !req
371. No harm done. This doesn't—
Doesn't hurt much at all.Copy !req
372. Let me pay for the damage.Copy !req
373. Good heavens, no. No need for money.Copy !req
374. - No, no.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
375. Oh, yes. Be perfectly all right.Copy !req
376. Can I get you some help?
I can get to a phone.Copy !req
377. - Help? No, no, no.
- Maybe he knows...Copy !req
378. how to get to the hotel.Copy !req
379. I hate to bother you,
but we're from the United States.Copy !req
380. We're at the
Royal Imperial Windsor Arms.Copy !req
381. Royal Imperial Windsor. Very nice hotel.Copy !req
382. Well, we like it. It's a little small.Copy !req
383. Well, you go back
the way you came...Copy !req
384. - ... and you just keep going to—
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
385. You got a bad cut.
We better get you to the hospital.Copy !req
386. - It's just a flesh wound.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
387. Nothing to write home about.
No need to bother.Copy !req
388. - Did you say left or right up there?
- Just a left, yeah. Ow!Copy !req
389. - Maybe it's broken.
- Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
390. It's just a leg. I've got another one.Copy !req
391. Yeah, no, I'll—
I'll just pop into the chemist's.Copy !req
392. Be right as rain in the morning.Copy !req
393. - The final isn't till Sunday.
- Oh, good. Well, then.Copy !req
394. Oh, sorry to bother you—Copy !req
395. Haven't seen a bike
around here, have you?Copy !req
396. It's right under the car.
Let me get it for you.Copy !req
397. The tire isn't flat
so we're in good shape.Copy !req
398. Thanks for the directions,
and I'm sorry what happened.Copy !req
399. - You'll be all right?
- Thank you. Sure.Copy !req
400. - Okay. Drive carefully.
- Thank you.Copy !req
401. - Have a nice day.
- Yeah, Bye.Copy !req
402. I guess what we do is
just drive around this circle here.Copy !req
403. It should be the second left exit.
There's the hotel over—Copy !req
404. Hey, look, kids. There's Big Ben.
And there's Parliament.Copy !req
405. - There it is, there it is.
- I know.Copy !req
406. I can't seem to get over
to the left, honey. I'll try next time.Copy !req
407. Sorry. We'll get out
of this jam in a minute.Copy !req
408. Kids, Big Ben, Parliament again.Copy !req
409. Kids.Copy !req
410. - We know. Big Ben.
- We know. Big Ben.Copy !req
411. Parliament.Copy !req
412. - Clark.
- That son of a bitch.Copy !req
413. Look, kids. Forget it.Copy !req
414. This is absurd...Copy !req
415. It's amazing. I cannot get left.Copy !req
416. There's Big Ben, kids, Parliament.Copy !req
417. I don't know...Copy !req
418. When it's time to relaxCopy !req
419. One thing stands clearCopy !req
420. Beer after beerCopy !req
421. If you got the timeCopy !req
422. We got the beerCopy !req
423. Reach outCopy !req
424. Reach out and touch someoneCopy !req
425. Reach outCopy !req
426. Call up and just say hiCopy !req
427. What's the matter, Audrey?Copy !req
428. Rusty, I can't stand it.
I'll never make it through two weeks.Copy !req
429. - Two weeks is nothing.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
430. Well, it's 14 times as long
as yesterday, and yesterday lasted...Copy !req
431. an eternity.Copy !req
432. Why don't you call him.Copy !req
433. - Are you crazy?
- Why? What could happen?Copy !req
434. Dad could rip my tongue out, that's what.Copy !req
435. I bet he wouldn't even notice it
if you kept it short.Copy !req
436. Okay, look. I'll just say hello
and goodbye. Short, short.Copy !req
437. I wonder if anything's good on TV.Copy !req
438. Should I watch cheese or snow?Copy !req
439. - Hello?
- Hello, Jack?Copy !req
440. - Hey, Aud.
- Oh, God, Jack, I miss you so much.Copy !req
441. - Do you miss me?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
442. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
443. Well, I miss you so much it hurts.Copy !req
444. - You do?
- Yeah.Copy !req
445. - Look, I gotta go.
- What?Copy !req
446. - I gotta eat.
- Oh, your mom's calling you to dinner?Copy !req
447. Okay, I'll hold.Copy !req
448. Dad, can we stop? I'm hungry.Copy !req
449. Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry.Copy !req
450. Not now, kids.
We got a schedule to keep.Copy !req
451. That's it. That's it. That's the way
I want my hair cut, Dad.Copy !req
452. Russ, you don't wanna
look like a rooster, do you?Copy !req
453. Hey, there's Buckingham Palace, kids.Copy !req
454. That's where the queen lives and works.Copy !req
455. Works? Well, what does she do, Dad?Copy !req
456. She cleans and vacuums.Copy !req
457. - We'd like to check out, please.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
458. Now, Mr...Copy !req
459. Mr. Greaseball.
I'll just tally up your bill for you.Copy !req
460. Clark, do you think we'll have time
to see Stonehenge?Copy !req
461. There's no problem. I've calculated
distance and driving time.Copy !req
462. If we don't stop for lunch,
we'll make it to Paris.Copy !req
463. I'm so sick of English food.
I feel like a blimp.Copy !req
464. You look fine.Copy !req
465. Don't I just have to sign?
The Pig in a Poke people take care of it.Copy !req
466. - Doesn't include the phone bill.
- Well, that's no problem...Copy !req
467. we just made a couple local calls.Copy !req
468. Right, that'll be...Copy !req
469. 253 American dollars.Copy !req
470. - This must be some mistake.
- How could that be?Copy !req
471. Who the hell called Chicago?Copy !req
472. Audrey!Copy !req
473. Oh, now, Audrey.Copy !req
474. - Your father didn't mean what he said.
- Yes, he did.Copy !req
475. No, no. Not really, honey.
He has nothing against Jack.Copy !req
476. He's not really gonna cut off his balls.Copy !req
477. Are you, Clark?Copy !req
478. - Clark.
- Okay, I won't.Copy !req
479. Look, why don't we just relax
and enjoy the countryside?Copy !req
480. Yeah, this country's eons old, kids.Copy !req
481. That's centuries to you and me.Copy !req
482. Charming, isn't it?Copy !req
483. It looks like Massachusetts.Copy !req
484. Well, that almost stands to reason.Copy !req
485. The English settled Massachusetts.
The old Pilgrims.Copy !req
486. Plymouth Rock.
That's where it all started.Copy !req
487. And speaking of rocks:Copy !req
488. See that? That's Stonehenge.
Fantastic, huh?Copy !req
489. What the hell is this?Copy !req
490. Nobody knows for sure.
Some think it's a calendar.Copy !req
491. Others think it's an astronomers' tool.Copy !req
492. Some people think this was built
by men from outer space.Copy !req
493. Oh, Clark. The consensus is that
it's an ancient timepiece...Copy !req
494. - ... built by the ancient Druids.
- Whatever, it's been here a long time.Copy !req
495. - Since 2000 years before Christ.
- Yeah.Copy !req
496. It's bound to be here 1000 more.Copy !req
497. - Russ.
- Yeah.Copy !req
498. Oh, there you are.
Stand over there for a sec, will you.Copy !req
499. Act like you're setting your watch.Copy !req
500. This must be
where they sacrificed virgins.Copy !req
501. God, I miss Jack.Copy !req
502. We've gotta go
if we wanna catch that plane.Copy !req
503. You're right, honey.Copy !req
504. Let's go, Russ.Copy !req
505. Come on.Copy !req
506. Take a last look, kids...Copy !req
507. at one of man's most curious creations.Copy !req
508. Built to stand the test of time
and the elements...Copy !req
509. war, you name it.Copy !req
510. A thing of glory
for a million future generations to see.Copy !req
511. And we were here.Copy !req
512. Gay Paris.Copy !req
513. The City of Lights.Copy !req
514. This is the famous Left Bank, kids.Copy !req
515. I bet you can't guess
what's on the other side.Copy !req
516. The Bank of America.Copy !req
517. Okay, everybody get closer
to the fountain.Copy !req
518. Dad, we can't get any closer.Copy !req
519. - We're gonna get all wet.
- It'll be a good shot.Copy !req
520. - You'll remember it forever.
- The Griswalds in front of a fountain.Copy !req
521. Major entertainment.Copy !req
522. Russ, get in the middle.Copy !req
523. Clark, why don't you let me take it?Copy !req
524. You haven't been in any of them.Copy !req
525. Okay, I got a good idea.Copy !req
526. Clark Griswald, United States of America.Copy !req
527. My family and I—
Could you take a picture of us?Copy !req
528. Could you photograph us?Copy !req
529. Photo, yes. Four of us.Copy !req
530. Yeah?Copy !req
531. Okay, Russ, get over here.Copy !req
532. There you go. Now, you two.Copy !req
533. - Sorry.
- Sorry.Copy !req
534. Okay.Copy !req
535. Cheese.Copy !req
536. - Cheese.
- Cheese.Copy !req
537. Yeah, let's take our shoes off
and get in the water.Copy !req
538. - Oh, hey.
- Yeah, okay. It's fun.Copy !req
539. Cold.Copy !req
540. Hey.Copy !req
541. - Hey!
- Clark.Copy !req
542. Clark, listen, there isn't anything
on that tape...Copy !req
543. - ... that shouldn't be there?
- They took my camera.Copy !req
544. Clark. There isn't anything on that tape...Copy !req
545. that shouldn't be there? Remember the:Copy !req
546. That's gone, right? You erased it?Copy !req
547. Yeah. I erased that, honey.Copy !req
548. We'll check in
and come back for the cases.Copy !req
549. Here we are, kids. Chez Griswald.Copy !req
550. We have a reservation
for the honeymoon suite.Copy !req
551. Mr. and Mrs. Garland.Copy !req
552. Oh, Clark, look.
They must be honeymooners.Copy !req
553. Either that or Siamese twins.Copy !req
554. That's how Jack kisses.Copy !req
555. Jack, Jack, Jack.Copy !req
556. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
557. - Hey, are you from America?
- Yeah.Copy !req
558. - We're from Chicago.
- Chicago, wow. We're from Akron.Copy !req
559. Well, we're the Griswalds. I'm Clark...Copy !req
560. and this is my wife, Ellen.Copy !req
561. Of course, my daughter is
Audrey, and Rusty.Copy !req
562. You're in room 714. And please hurry.Copy !req
563. - See you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
564. I guess it's true. Paris really is for lovers.Copy !req
565. May I help you?Copy !req
566. We're the Clark W. Griswalds.Copy !req
567. We have a reservation for two chambres.Copy !req
568. We're the grand prize
Pig in a Poke winners. Oink, oink.Copy !req
569. - Oink, oink.
- Can I see your passports?Copy !req
570. Yeah, oh, of course.Copy !req
571. I guess I sign this, then.Copy !req
572. I just sign Griswald, right? First...Copy !req
573. No, wait. I gotta put Clark.Copy !req
574. I put— I put Clark.Copy !req
575. We don't really speak French.Copy !req
576. This is our first...Copy !req
577. Honey, what do you think?
Tell the truth.Copy !req
578. I guess I'll go get the kids.Copy !req
579. Oh, good idea. We'll get a move on.Copy !req
580. - Where's Dad?
- I'm right here.Copy !req
581. Just looking for the Bible. There it is.Copy !req
582. Everybody ready?
We got a schedule to keep.Copy !req
583. Well, I vote we don't see
any more museums today.Copy !req
584. And I vote we don't
get anything else to eat.Copy !req
585. What's this? Do I detect
a note of dissension here?Copy !req
586. Yeah, Dad. Paris sucks.Copy !req
587. Everybody's so rude.Copy !req
588. Come on, kids. We're the visitors here.Copy !req
589. This isn't Wally World, it's a country.Copy !req
590. Come on, we're the ambassadors
of America here.Copy !req
591. If we wanna be accepted, we gotta
try to fit in, speak the language...Copy !req
592. wear French clothes.
That's why I got us all berets.Copy !req
593. Here we are, Ellen.Copy !req
594. Russ.Copy !req
595. Oh, come on, Dad.Copy !req
596. This is really rank.Copy !req
597. Come on now, Russ. Loosen up.Copy !req
598. You don't wanna look
like a tourist, do you?Copy !req
599. All the French wear these.
It's the national hat, fella.Copy !req
600. Well, I'm not gonna wear it.Copy !req
601. It looks stupid.
No girl will wanna talk to me.Copy !req
602. Well, then I guess they'll all talk to me.Copy !req
603. I vote for berets.Copy !req
604. - I second the motion.
- Berets.Copy !req
605. That's 3 to 1. You lose, fella.Copy !req
606. Sweet.Copy !req
607. Real sweet. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
608. Now, listen, kids. France
is world famous for its cuisine...Copy !req
609. so anything's gonna be great.
You order what you want.Copy !req
610. "Garconi."Copy !req
611. Okay.Copy !req
612. Desire... They...Copy !req
613. Hamburger and frite.Copy !req
614. Coca-cola for the les infants.Copy !req
615. And, oh...Copy !req
616. - Now, you want the soufflé?
- Soufflé, soufflé.Copy !req
617. My femme would like the—Copy !req
618. I'll have the voil, or the veal, voil.Copy !req
619. Excellent.Copy !req
620. Good choice.Copy !req
621. "Excellente."Copy !req
622. Just a little brie, yeah.Copy !req
623. And...Copy !req
624. Well, we'll get that later.Copy !req
625. And that's about it.Copy !req
626. Where would you find a waiter
like that in the U.S.?Copy !req
627. Honey, speak the language...Copy !req
628. they're gonna be very nice. Just try.Copy !req
629. Well, there she is, kids. The Eiffel Tower.Copy !req
630. Nine hundred and twenty-one feet
of historic landmark.Copy !req
631. That's more than an acre to you and me.Copy !req
632. Did you know that at one time...Copy !req
633. this was the world's largest
free-standing structure?Copy !req
634. - Let's go up to the top.
- Yeah, come on, let's go.Copy !req
635. Oh, God. It's magnificent.Copy !req
636. It's breathtaking, isn't it?Copy !req
637. Sparky...Copy !req
638. I'm glad we decided to be pigs.Copy !req
639. - Thank your father, kids.
- Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
640. Okay.Copy !req
641. It's so beautiful, I feel so...Copy !req
642. I feel my juices are just—
You know, it makes me so...Copy !req
643. I wanna write, I wanna paint, I wanna...Copy !req
644. sculpt something massive. I wanna...Copy !req
645. I got a creative urge to...Copy !req
646. I wonder if there's a men's room
around here, honey.Copy !req
647. Look at those things, Mom.Copy !req
648. Oh, let's go get our picture taken.Copy !req
649. Oh, no. They're silly.Copy !req
650. - Come on. I'll buy one for Jack.
- Okay.Copy !req
651. "Rusty."Copy !req
652. Russ, what's wrong?Copy !req
653. I feel like an idiot because of this
stupid hat you made me wear.Copy !req
654. Russ.Copy !req
655. Come here a minute. I wanna talk to you.Copy !req
656. A couple of things here. First of all,
you're never an idiot, okay?Copy !req
657. You're a Griswald. You understand that?Copy !req
658. - Yeah.
- All right. Second of all, Russ...Copy !req
659. you know I'd never do
anything to injure you.Copy !req
660. You know I'd never do anything
to hurt my opinion of myself, right?Copy !req
661. - Yeah.
- So? If the beret bothers you...Copy !req
662. it bothers me.
If it upsets you, it upsets me.Copy !req
663. Okay?Copy !req
664. How did you and Audrey
enjoy shopping today, honey?Copy !req
665. Wait till you see what I got.Copy !req
666. I got this because the saleslady
said it's a one-of-a-kind.Copy !req
667. And I'll never find anything else like it
and I know it's really silly but...Copy !req
668. But I only got it for you.Copy !req
669. Oh, honey, I don't think...Copy !req
670. I'd want the kids to see me
in something like this.Copy !req
671. Sparky?Copy !req
672. It's our first night in Paris.
Let's do something romantic.Copy !req
673. We are, honey.
I'm taking you out to dinner.Copy !req
674. Out?Copy !req
675. I felt like staying in.Copy !req
676. I thought it would be really
nice to be alone.Copy !req
677. Honey.Copy !req
678. I could never go anywhere without you.Copy !req
679. Come on. Cheer up.Copy !req
680. I promised you a night on the town.Copy !req
681. We'll go see some French culture.
You'll love it.Copy !req
682. Bravo.Copy !req
683. Encore.Copy !req
684. Clark.Copy !req
685. Stand with your feet
hip-distance apart...Copy !req
686. stomach pulled in, buttocks tight.Copy !req
687. We're gonna start with head rolls.Copy !req
688. To the right and back and left, forward...Copy !req
689. head right, back, left, forward.Copy !req
690. Now, reverse and left...Copy !req
691. back, right, forward.Copy !req
692. Now shoulder lifts, right, lift and left.Copy !req
693. Isn't this great, honey?Copy !req
694. They've been doing this
for eons in France.Copy !req
695. This is real culture.Copy !req
696. Exhale and raise them over your
head. Now reach with the right arm—Copy !req
697. Clark, could I have
the coat check, please?Copy !req
698. I think I've had enough
French culture for one evening.Copy !req
699. Yeah, sure, honey.Copy !req
700. - Look.
- I am looking.Copy !req
701. Look, back there.Copy !req
702. But it's just a hooker.
They're all over the place.Copy !req
703. Look who she's with.Copy !req
704. Russ?Copy !req
705. No problem.Copy !req
706. Russell Griswald.Copy !req
707. My good man.Copy !req
708. - How'd you get in there?
- I paid and got in.Copy !req
709. - Where'd you get the money?
- I'm surprised at you.Copy !req
710. - I'm surprised at you, Dad.
- Don't talk back.Copy !req
711. And who was that cheap slut?Copy !req
712. - Don't call Cherie a slut.
- I'm disappointed in you.Copy !req
713. Who says, "When in Rome,
do as the Romans do"?Copy !req
714. I said Rome, not Paris.
This is Paris and you're drunk.Copy !req
715. Hold it, hold it, hold it.Copy !req
716. - I don't care!
- Let me have it for a while.Copy !req
717. - No. Today's my turn.
- Give them to me.Copy !req
718. - Give them to me.
- I told you no.Copy !req
719. - Give them to me.
- No, forget it. You always take them.Copy !req
720. Oh, God. Look what you did to them.Copy !req
721. I said, give them to me. They're mine.Copy !req
722. How many times do I have
to tell you they're mine?Copy !req
723. - Okay.
- Come on, let's go.Copy !req
724. Clark, Clark.Copy !req
725. Clark. Will you please slow down?
The kids are exhausted.Copy !req
726. It closes in 15 minutes. There are
100,000 works of art to see.Copy !req
727. Come on.Copy !req
728. Great. Are you happy, Dad? She's dead.Copy !req
729. Come on.Copy !req
730. Well, I must say,
I'm really proud of you guys.Copy !req
731. We've seen about everything in Paris...Copy !req
732. and we're right back on schedule.Copy !req
733. Can't we slow down
a little bit, Clark? I'm exhausted.Copy !req
734. Well, we'll have a nice, relaxing time
with my relatives in Germany.Copy !req
735. - Hi.
- You two enjoying Paris?Copy !req
736. - Great.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
737. Seen the Louvre yet?Copy !req
738. - No.
- Not yet.Copy !req
739. - The Left Bank is charming.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
740. We plan to go there.Copy !req
741. Been up to the Eiffel Tower?Copy !req
742. Nope. But it's on our list.Copy !req
743. - Well, have a good time.
- We will.Copy !req
744. What a waste.Copy !req
745. We've seen 10 times
as much as they have.Copy !req
746. Sweetie, you hungry?
You want some breakfast?Copy !req
747. I'm not hungry.Copy !req
748. He's got his hands
on her tits right at the table.Copy !req
749. Stop staring, Rusty.Copy !req
750. European standards of public behavior
are very different than an American's.Copy !req
751. Yeah, Dad. But they're from Akron.Copy !req
752. Dear Audrey,
I've missed the shit out of you.Copy !req
753. Luckily, Debbie's been coming by
to cheer me up.Copy !req
754. - That bitch.
- Something the matter, Audrey?Copy !req
755. No.Copy !req
756. I think it's time
we asked ourselves this question:Copy !req
757. "Is this relationship strong enough
to consider seeing other people?"Copy !req
758. I think it is.Copy !req
759. Could you pass the croissants, please?Copy !req
760. And the butter and the jelly.Copy !req
761. It's nice to see your appetite back.Copy !req
762. Yeah, well, who
have I got to be thin for, huh?Copy !req
763. Dad, I think he's gonna pork her.Copy !req
764. He's not gonna pork her, Rusty.
Just eat, okay?Copy !req
765. I think he is, Dad.Copy !req
766. He may pork her, Russ. Just eat, okay?Copy !req
767. Well, there it is, kids.Copy !req
768. My motherland.Copy !req
769. Dad, Grandma's from Chicago.Copy !req
770. Shut up, Russ.Copy !req
771. I can't wait to meet
our relatives in person.Copy !req
772. Okay. Dipplestrabe.Copy !req
773. Here we are now.
What are we looking for?Copy !req
774. - Sechs, Daddy.
- That'll do, Audrey.Copy !req
775. Dad, that's German for six.Copy !req
776. That's not true. Is that true, honey?Copy !req
777. My family and I are looking for sechs.Copy !req
778. Hey, Dad, there's number six.Copy !req
779. Fritz.Copy !req
780. Fritz, Clark Griswald. How are you?
Good to see you.Copy !req
781. Remember Ellen from her letters?
There she is, the real thing.Copy !req
782. - And Rusty and Audrey—
- Audrey, Audrey. Hi.Copy !req
783. They've gotten bigger since the pictures.Copy !req
784. Sorry, we're late.Copy !req
785. Thanks so much for the invitation.
Helga. Helga.Copy !req
786. Honey, this must be
the German dining room, huh?Copy !req
787. - Isn't it nice?
- Oh, Clark.Copy !req
788. It's just as I imagined.Copy !req
789. - It's so quaint.
- Yeah. Maximum quaintness.Copy !req
790. You must be Helga. We made it.Copy !req
791. You know Ellen, my wife,
and Rusty and Audrey?Copy !req
792. - Hi.
- Helga.Copy !req
793. We're here.Copy !req
794. Let me give you a hand in the kitchen.
Come on, kids.Copy !req
795. Kids, go help in the kitchen.
Help Helga out.Copy !req
796. So, Fritz.Copy !req
797. How you been? Long time never seen.Copy !req
798. Oh, God, look at this.Copy !req
799. And here's your cousin Al.Copy !req
800. He's a hotshot lawyer now.
They'll probably get him on tax evasion.Copy !req
801. Oh, yeah, and here's the baby.Copy !req
802. You don't believe that story about
the baby being premature, do you?Copy !req
803. Clark.Copy !req
804. I didn't think so.Copy !req
805. I mean, when me and Jack got together...Copy !req
806. we had both been,
like, seeing other people.Copy !req
807. This is different...Copy !req
808. because Debbie's my best friend
and all. Don't you think?Copy !req
809. Oh, God. It's so good
to have somebody to talk to.Copy !req
810. My parents mean well,
but I try and tell them stuff...Copy !req
811. and they don't know
what I'm talking about.Copy !req
812. What are you talking about, hon?Copy !req
813. You see?Copy !req
814. God, I miss Jack.Copy !req
815. You know, I was just thinking, honey.Copy !req
816. Blood really is thicker than water.Copy !req
817. It's amazing to me how family ties
break through the language barrier.Copy !req
818. Oh, Sparky. This has been
my favorite part of the trip.Copy !req
819. Hey, Dad, look. Bedpans.Copy !req
820. You've really been so sweet.
Now, here's our address.Copy !req
821. And when you come to Chicago,
you come and stay with us.Copy !req
822. Okay, auf Wiedersehen.Copy !req
823. Helga, thank you
for the marvelous conversation.Copy !req
824. - Bye.
- Bye-bye, auf Wiedersehen.Copy !req
825. We'll write.Copy !req
826. Bye.Copy !req
827. - Bye.
- See you later.Copy !req
828. A festival.Copy !req
829. Looks like fun.Copy !req
830. Come on, kids.Copy !req
831. - What's your name?
- Claudia. And yours?Copy !req
832. - I'm Rusty.
- Hello.Copy !req
833. So do you ever get to leave here?Copy !req
834. - Thank you.
- Oh, Sparky.Copy !req
835. What's so funny? This is great, isn't it?Copy !req
836. - Come on.
- Oh, Dad, I love these.Copy !req
837. Who wants bratwurst,
mustard and relish?Copy !req
838. Holy shit.Copy !req
839. Hey, you. Come.Copy !req
840. Come on. Very good.Copy !req
841. We need one more.
One more. Big, strong man. Yeah.Copy !req
842. - Come on, Dad. You'd be great.
- Hey, you. You come.Copy !req
843. - Do it, please?
- Don't be afraid.Copy !req
844. - All right. Okay, okay.
- Good, very good.Copy !req
845. Come.Copy !req
846. Hey, take care.Copy !req
847. - I don't know. I don't know.
- You come.Copy !req
848. - I don't know if I can do that.
- Just follow the others.Copy !req
849. All right, Daddy.Copy !req
850. Isn't he great?Copy !req
851. Are you okay?Copy !req
852. - Let's go.
- Let's go.Copy !req
853. - Those bells haven't rung in years.
- What does they mean?Copy !req
854. They're going to hang somebody.Copy !req
855. Dad!Copy !req
856. What?Copy !req
857. Hurry up.Copy !req
858. - Go. Go. Don't stop.
- Go, Daddy. Go.Copy !req
859. Go, Dad. Come on.Copy !req
860. - Look out.
- Don't stop.Copy !req
861. Oh, shit.Copy !req
862. - It's too narrow.
- We'll make it. Plenty of room.Copy !req
863. I know this car, honey.Copy !req
864. Right. Everybody out.
There goes the paint job.Copy !req
865. - Hurry up. Give me the bags.
- Help.Copy !req
866. - Come on, honey.
- I'm coming.Copy !req
867. Oh, God.Copy !req
868. Snap it up. Hurry up.Copy !req
869. Why the sour puss, Russ?Copy !req
870. You know, you totally ruined what
could have been the best day of my life.Copy !req
871. What are you complaining about?Copy !req
872. I lost my boyfriend,
thanks to this vacation.Copy !req
873. I vote we don't talk about Jack anymore.Copy !req
874. - I second it.
- I vote for that.Copy !req
875. Oh, yeah? Well, I vote we don't talk
about schedules anymore.Copy !req
876. - Me too.
- I'm for that.Copy !req
877. I vote we don't talk at all. How's that?Copy !req
878. Not until we get to Rome
and everybody calms down a bit.Copy !req
879. Maybe then we'll be acting
like mature human beings.Copy !req
880. Shh!Copy !req
881. Yeow!Copy !req
882. - Let's go.
- Clark. Clark.Copy !req
883. I vote we talk. What are we doing?Copy !req
884. We're talking.
We're getting off the train...Copy !req
885. go to a traveler's check place,
get our money back...Copy !req
886. we'll rent a new car
and buy some new clothes...Copy !req
887. and finish up
the best vacation of our lives.Copy !req
888. Okay? And it's gonna be fun.
Now, let's go.Copy !req
889. I think Dad's lost all sense of reality.Copy !req
890. Come on, come on.
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
891. Hey, what are we gonna do about him?Copy !req
892. - Kill him.
- Don't be stupid. We never kill anyone.Copy !req
893. Then what do we do?Copy !req
894. Hey.Copy !req
895. I've got a better idea.Copy !req
896. Maybe we can hold him for ransom.Copy !req
897. He must be worth something to someone.Copy !req
898. Oh, Clark, I think this
is something historical.Copy !req
899. Yeah, it looks real old, Dad.Copy !req
900. That's great.
We'll see all this later. Come on.Copy !req
901. Only four more miles.
Let's go, come on. Hustle.Copy !req
902. What we need now is a dupe.
Someone above suspicion...Copy !req
903. who will believe anything you tell him.Copy !req
904. A real idiot.Copy !req
905. Hello? Anybody here?Copy !req
906. But, Clark, we don't have any proof
that we lost those traveler's checks.Copy !req
907. We left all the stubs in the suitcase.Copy !req
908. - Can I help you?
- Yeah. I'm Clark W. Griswald.Copy !req
909. We're the grand prize
Pig in a Poke winners.Copy !req
910. We're in a bit of a bind.
We've lost all our luggage...Copy !req
911. a videotape camera, a rented car,
and we've lost about $1000 in cash.Copy !req
912. I'm just here to get my money back.Copy !req
913. Oh, yes. I certainly hate
to see our customers inconvenienced.Copy !req
914. Well...Copy !req
915. - Okay, name?
- Clark W. Griswald.Copy !req
916. - And?
- Ellen Griswald.Copy !req
917. Ellen Griswald.Copy !req
918. And these are our children,
Rusty and Audrey.Copy !req
919. Russ. Aud. Come on over here.
Show yourselves.Copy !req
920. Oh, um...Copy !req
921. Yes. Here we are.Copy !req
922. No, excuse me. We lost only $1000.
This is $3000.Copy !req
923. That's to make up for your trouble.Copy !req
924. Hey, I lost about $200.Copy !req
925. Stay quiet. We'll get you out later.Copy !req
926. Unfortunately, we somehow
misplaced the key to the trunk.Copy !req
927. But if you tell me where you're staying...Copy !req
928. I'll get the new key to your hotel.Copy !req
929. Oh, honey, which hotel
are we staying in?Copy !req
930. - The Nazionale.
- Oh, very nice.Copy !req
931. This is great. I didn't even know
you guys rented cars.Copy !req
932. I'll see you then. Madame.Copy !req
933. Ciao.Copy !req
934. Well, what do you say
we see some Roman ruins?Copy !req
935. Oh, Clark. We've been
in these clothes for ages.Copy !req
936. - Why don't we go shopping.
- Yeah, I vote for shopping.Copy !req
937. Yeah, Dad. I feel totally scuzzed out.Copy !req
938. Okay, I'm a sport.Copy !req
939. We'd all look good
in some Italian fashions.Copy !req
940. Got plenty of money.Copy !req
941. No.Copy !req
942. No.Copy !req
943. - Hey, you look cool.
- I feel cool.Copy !req
944. - Mom.
- Hey, Mom, looking good.Copy !req
945. Okay, let's go. Are we ready
to conquer Rome? What do you say?Copy !req
946. Okay, I'll be right out
and we'll hit the fountains.Copy !req
947. I'm terribly sorry.Copy !req
948. Are you all right? I'm sorry.Copy !req
949. - No problem. No problem at all.
- Hey, it's you. The guy from London.Copy !req
950. You're the American I ran into.Copy !req
951. Yeah.Copy !req
952. So, what are you doing in Rome?Copy !req
953. On sick leave. You know,
a little holiday, recovering.Copy !req
954. You still on holiday with the kids?Copy !req
955. Oh, yeah, we're here.
We've just been out shopping and...Copy !req
956. Nice choice.Copy !req
957. Yeah, they're right—
Hey, kids. Look who it is. Say hi.Copy !req
958. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
959. Oh, my God,
you've got a cast on your leg.Copy !req
960. Oh, this? Oh, think nothing of it.Copy !req
961. Hardly matters at all.
It's just a big sock, really.Copy !req
962. Well, that's pretty nice of you.
I feel pretty bad about that.Copy !req
963. - I can give you a hand in here.
- No, no. No, thanks.Copy !req
964. - Aren't you going to your hotel here?
- No. My hotel's over there.Copy !req
965. - Goodbye. Have a nice holiday.
- Bye-bye now. Cheerio.Copy !req
966. Okay, this is the Piazza Navona.Copy !req
967. Jack?Copy !req
968. This is one of the most
fabulous squares in Rome.Copy !req
969. - What's the matter, Audrey?
- I wanna go home. I miss Jack.Copy !req
970. We'll be going home soon.
Just a few more fountains to see.Copy !req
971. - And then the Colosseum.
- I don't wanna see it.Copy !req
972. I wanna see Jack.Copy !req
973. - Jack will always be there.
- The Colosseum will always be there.Copy !req
974. The Colosseum's been there
for 2000 years.Copy !req
975. But if I don't go home soon,
Jack will fall in love with Debbie.Copy !req
976. And I'll just die.Copy !req
977. Oh, Audrey, don't you wanna see
the Colosseum before you die?Copy !req
978. - I hate you.
- Audrey.Copy !req
979. Dad, I'll meet you guys later at the hotel.Copy !req
980. What about the fountains?
Where you going?Copy !req
981. I don't know. I'm fountained out.Copy !req
982. - Clark, why don't you just let him go?
- Now just a minute.Copy !req
983. We leave day after tomorrow.Copy !req
984. We have a few moments
together as a family.Copy !req
985. - Can we do that?
- Oh, God, Dad.Copy !req
986. We've been together every second
for the last two weeks.Copy !req
987. And by the way, I've been good.Copy !req
988. I haven't complained, or tried to escape.Copy !req
989. So why can't you just treat me
like a man for once?Copy !req
990. Because you're not a man.Copy !req
991. I am too. I'm 15 years old,
a world traveler.Copy !req
992. I've got a part-time job.Copy !req
993. I need my independence.Copy !req
994. Wait a minute. If he's going, I'm going.Copy !req
995. Now, just a minute, Clark. Why don't
we give the kids some free time?Copy !req
996. Okay, sure. Let them go. They're just
a couple of ingrates, that's all.Copy !req
997. They're not ingrates. They're teenagers.Copy !req
998. - How about my allowance?
- Can I have my passport?Copy !req
999. Just a minute, Audrey. Rusty, Clark.Copy !req
1000. Let's all settle down
and try to be reasonable.Copy !req
1001. I'm sure if we think about it, we can
all make some kind of compromise.Copy !req
1002. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1003. - Oh, boy. Take it easy, honey.
- I don't believe this.Copy !req
1004. This is the most humiliating thing
you've done to me.Copy !req
1005. - This is the last straw, Clark.
- Don't get mad.Copy !req
1006. - It's not my fault they stole the camera.
- You promised you'd erase it.Copy !req
1007. I did. I was.
I was gonna erase it. The guy—Copy !req
1008. - He stole the camera, I—
- This is the lowest, the worst, Clark.Copy !req
1009. Ellen, where are you going?Copy !req
1010. We have to be at the Colosseum at 2 p.m.Copy !req
1011. I'm going back to the hotel.Copy !req
1012. - We didn't vote on that, did we, hon?
- Oh, forget your vote.Copy !req
1013. I'm seceding from the union,
I'm forming my own government...Copy !req
1014. and I'm declaring war on you.Copy !req
1015. She'll be back.
She knows I didn't mean to do it.Copy !req
1016. I don't blame her, Dad.Copy !req
1017. Yeah, it's not even a good likeness, is it?Copy !req
1018. Well, I guess it's just
you and me, Audrey.Copy !req
1019. Audrey?Copy !req
1020. Say...Copy !req
1021. that's bellissimo.Copy !req
1022. Really choice?Copy !req
1023. And I think that you
are really bellissimo also.Copy !req
1024. You're not too shabby yourself.Copy !req
1025. - You speak English?
- Sure. I'm from California.Copy !req
1026. All right. I'm from Chicago.Copy !req
1027. Hey.Copy !req
1028. Do you wanna scarf
some Grimace proportions?Copy !req
1029. Sure.Copy !req
1030. So, what are you doing in Rome?Copy !req
1031. Traveling through Europe with my folks.Copy !req
1032. - Me too. We won a—
- Pig in a Poke.Copy !req
1033. I know, I saw the show.Copy !req
1034. - You saw the show?
- Sure.Copy !req
1035. You answered
the Thomas Edison question.Copy !req
1036. - You won your dad car wax.
- You remember?Copy !req
1037. Yeah, I thought you were cute.Copy !req
1038. You thought I was cute.Copy !req
1039. - Finally, there's one of them.
- And she's alone.Copy !req
1040. Now, let's get that guy out of the trunk.Copy !req
1041. Too many people here.
We'll move the car first.Copy !req
1042. I'll get the keys from her.Copy !req
1043. Hello...Copy !req
1044. Ellen Griswald.Copy !req
1045. I hate to see
a beautiful woman drink bad wine.Copy !req
1046. Oh, well, then, I think you should leave...Copy !req
1047. because I'm gonna get plastered.Copy !req
1048. What is it?Copy !req
1049. Is it your husband?Copy !req
1050. - That pig?
- Oh, he's not a pig.Copy !req
1051. He is a pig. He is.Copy !req
1052. Thank you.Copy !req
1053. Hello, operator? I'd like
the number for information, please.Copy !req
1054. No, I wanna call the airport.Copy !req
1055. No, Pan Am.Copy !req
1056. Pan-o Am-o?Copy !req
1057. Thank you very much. Have a nice day.Copy !req
1058. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1059. I'm sorry.Copy !req
1060. And then I rolled over onto the floor
and I started going:Copy !req
1061. And I was completely naked.Copy !req
1062. Well, not completely naked,
I had on a towel.Copy !req
1063. But he promised me he'd erase that.
He promised me he'd erase it.Copy !req
1064. I'm a ruined woman.Copy !req
1065. I thought this was gonna be...Copy !req
1066. like some kind of second honeymoon.Copy !req
1067. What we should've done
is left the children...Copy !req
1068. with Helga and Fritz.Copy !req
1069. Thank you.Copy !req
1070. I'm sorry. I should
really go to my room now.Copy !req
1071. I'm going to throw up.Copy !req
1072. - Let me help you. Come on.
- Oh, no, no. I'll be fine.Copy !req
1073. I think you'll feel better if you lie down.Copy !req
1074. I've developed this whole philosophy
about dealing with my parents.Copy !req
1075. It's like, if I'm in school
or hanging out or something...Copy !req
1076. there's all this pressure, you know?
To act cool or do the right thing.Copy !req
1077. But if I'm with my parents,
who really cares?Copy !req
1078. They don't know
what's cool and what's not.Copy !req
1079. So you can just put
everything on hold, right?Copy !req
1080. You got a great way of looking at stuff.Copy !req
1081. - Thanks.
- You know, I'm having a great time.Copy !req
1082. - Me too.
- God, imagine...Copy !req
1083. coming to Rome to meet
someone from California.Copy !req
1084. Really.Copy !req
1085. Oh, whatever happened to us?Copy !req
1086. We were high-school sweethearts.Copy !req
1087. We never even did it
until we got married.Copy !req
1088. Well, at least
until we decided to get married.Copy !req
1089. And I left him all alone in that—
That— That piazza.Copy !req
1090. I said the F word in front of my children.Copy !req
1091. What kind of a woman am I?Copy !req
1092. - Exciting.
- What?Copy !req
1093. Don't fight it, Ellen.Copy !req
1094. What are you—? What are you doing?Copy !req
1095. - Let me take you away from all of this.
- I don't wanna be away.Copy !req
1096. I want my Sparky back.Copy !req
1097. It was just a little argument.
He'll probably be here any minute.Copy !req
1098. And he's very jealous.Copy !req
1099. I'm calling the manager.Copy !req
1100. I wouldn't do that if I were you.Copy !req
1101. Hello?Copy !req
1102. Are you taking any calls?Copy !req
1103. - Hello?
- The police are here.Copy !req
1104. Stay away from the Fiat.
I'm getting out of here.Copy !req
1105. I'll be right down.Copy !req
1106. Hello, Debbie? Audrey.Copy !req
1107. We got a score to settle,
and you know what I mean.Copy !req
1108. If you wanna salvage
the last shred of friendship...Copy !req
1109. that exists between us,
you'll do me a favor.Copy !req
1110. Yeah, I want you to book me
on a Pan Am flight...Copy !req
1111. out of Rome into Chicago today.Copy !req
1112. Yeah, I'll hold.Copy !req
1113. Bitch.Copy !req
1114. - Mom?
- Take the car keys.Copy !req
1115. - Mom.
- Find your father.Copy !req
1116. Come on, come on.Copy !req
1117. Don't move.Copy !req
1118. Mom? Mom.Copy !req
1119. Mom, where are you going?Copy !req
1120. Mother.Copy !req
1121. - Hi, hon. What's the matter?
- Dad, I think Mom's been kidnapped.Copy !req
1122. - Where's the car?
- Over there. Here's the keys.Copy !req
1123. - Get out.
- Stay there. Sparky.Copy !req
1124. There they are.Copy !req
1125. Hey, Dad, there's the Colosseum.Copy !req
1126. Well, God, I've been talking so much.
What about you?Copy !req
1127. What are your parents like?Copy !req
1128. Well, there's really not that much to say.Copy !req
1129. They're just, like, normal parents.Copy !req
1130. My dad's all right.
He's a little slow sometimes.Copy !req
1131. God, that's Dad.Copy !req
1132. - Get in.
- What happened?Copy !req
1133. Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.Copy !req
1134. Darn it all.Copy !req
1135. Excuse me. There's a man in the trunk.Copy !req
1136. What?Copy !req
1137. Clark. Clark.Copy !req
1138. Ellen.Copy !req
1139. I'm coming, honey.Copy !req
1140. Clark. Clark.Copy !req
1141. Take my hand.Copy !req
1142. Clark, where are you going?Copy !req
1143. Get back here.Copy !req
1144. What—?Copy !req
1145. Where are—?Copy !req
1146. You— You bastard.Copy !req
1147. Come here.Copy !req
1148. Come here. What the—?Copy !req
1149. - Hello.
- Oh, hello.Copy !req
1150. - Still on holiday, are you?
- Yeah, jeez, I'm sorry.Copy !req
1151. - I'm looking for somebody else.
- No problem, I'm used to it. Good luck.Copy !req
1152. Look out. I'll get him.Copy !req
1153. He kidnapped my wife.Copy !req
1154. - You all right?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1155. Oh, Clark.Copy !req
1156. I love you, Sparky. You're my hero.Copy !req
1157. I know.Copy !req
1158. Your parents are actually pretty cool.Copy !req
1159. Yeah, they're good
for a few laughs sometimes.Copy !req
1160. Now can we go home?Copy !req
1161. Clark, Clark. Look.Copy !req
1162. Hey, kids.Copy !req
1163. Look, the Statue of Liberty.Copy !req
1164. - Great.
- I never thought I'd be so glad...Copy !req
1165. - ... to see the Statue of Liberty.
- Me either.Copy !req
1166. Boy, the great thing about traveling...Copy !req
1167. is you really learn
to appreciate coming home.Copy !req
1168. I gotta go.Copy !req
1169. I never realized
how much I've missed America.Copy !req
1170. Bet America's missed
the Griswalds too, honey.Copy !req
1171. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
Let me get up— My jacket is caught here.Copy !req
1172. Yep, the Griswalds are back.Copy !req