- 1. - Oh, go on! Oh!
- 2. What - What - What are you doing?
- 3. You're hurting me!
- 4. I'm gonna tell my Bernard of you!
- 5. You're fucking dead!
- 6. Oi! Come back here, you!
- 7. Ronnie!
- 8. Get off that couch
and come out here!
- 9. Ronnie!
- 10. Oh, shit! Sorry.
I didn't see you there.
- 11. Do you live here?
- 12. Yeah, I do, unfortunately.
- 13. Do you know Louise Clancy?
- 14. Yeah. Are you a friend of hers?
- 15. Know where she is?
- 16. She's at work.
- 17. - What time does she get back?
- Don't know. About 7:00 or something.
- 18. Fuckin' hell.
- 19. Do you want to come in
for a cup of tea?
- 20. Is that all right with you, love?
It's just, you know, cold.
- 21. Listen, have you got anything
for a headache?
- 22. Ah. Yeah, we have, as it happens.
- 23. - Like a monkey wrench or something.
- 24. - What's all this about?
- Oh, yeah.
- 25. - That's Sandra, that is.
- Hello, Sandra.
- 26. This is her place.
She's a fucking nurse.
- 27. That's her idea of interior design.
- 28. Oh, yeah, it's a skeleton.
- 29. And this is
her cocktail cabinet and all.
- 30. There you go.
That should do it.
- 31. - No, it's too big.
- 32. - Do you want a cup of tea?
- 33. So, are you Louise's boyfriend?
- 34. - No.
- Oh, right.
- 35. - What, you're just, like, a mate?
- 36. - You must be the missing link then.
- Yeah, that's me.
- 37. - You're not gonna tell me your name.
- 38. - I'm not gonna tell you mine neither.
- All right. We'll be strangers.
- 39. - I see your boomerang came back then, love.
- ! It's not my fuckin' boomerang.
- 40. What about the old diminishing
pachyderm formation there?
- 41. No, that's all Sandra's collection.
She's in Zimbabwe at the moment.
- 42. And fuck knows what she's
gonna bring back from there.
- 43. Polagra or hepatitis “B” or something.
- 44. She's with her boyfriend.
- 45. So, how is Louise?
- 46. I don't know.
I don't know her as well as you.
- 47. - Do you get on with her?
- Well, been out a couple of times.
- 48. - Does she like you?
- I don't know.
- 49. You better ask her.
- 50. Most people don't.
- 51. Do you find that she's
at all jealous of you?
- 52. No.
- 53. So - So, would you describe yourself
as a happy little person?
- 54. Yeah. I'm the life and soul.
- 55. Have you ever thought, right -
I mean, you don't know...
- 56. but you might already have had the happiest
moment in your whole fucking life...
- 57. and all you've got to look forward to
is sickness and purgatory?
- 58. Oh, shit.
- 59. Well, I just live from day to day myself.
- 60. I tend to skip a day
now and again. You know what I mean?
- 61. — I used to be a werewolf,
but I'm all right now!
- 62. Fuckin' hell.
I bet they're happy, eh?
- 63. All they got to do is sit round,
howling at the moon.
- 64. It's better than standing on the cheesy
fucking thing. Know what I mean?
- 65. I mean, tossing all these satellites
and shuttles out into the cosmos.
- 66. What do they think they're gonna find
up there that they can't find down here?
- 67. They think if they piss high enough, they're gonna come
across the monkey with the beard and the crap ideas?
- 68. And it's, like,
“Oh! There you are, captain!
- 69. Are you busy? Because I've got
a few fundamental questions for you.”
- 70. - Are you with me?
- 71. 'Cause let's face it, right?
What are rockets?
- 72. I mean,
they're just big, metal pricks.
- 73. You know, I mean, the bastards
aren't satisfied with fucking the Earth up.
- 74. - They've gotta fuck space and all.
- Tell me something, love.
- 75. Are you aware of the effect...
- 76. you have on the average
- 77. X-Y'ly chromosome, slavering...
- 78. lusty male member of the species?
- 79. Uh... yeah.
- 80. I thought so.
- 81. - Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
- 82. - Do you think women like being raped?
- You talk a lot, don't you?
- 83. Do you like Japanese food?
- 84. Look, I've told you, I'm not interested.
- 85. - Could I have that a touch harder, please?
- 86. All right?
Enjoying yourself, are you?
- 87. - I'm having a great time, actually.
- 88. - Bloody hell.
- Ah, friendly.
- 89. What are you doing here?
You look like shit.
- 90. Just trying to blend in
with the surroundings.
- 91. - I can't believe you're here.
- I'm not here.
- 92. I tell you what.
It's a crackin' place you got, love.
- 93. - Good. I'm glad you like it.
- No, I was being sarcastic.
- 94. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?
I would have met you off the train.
- 95. - I didn't come on the fucking train.
- Off the bus then.
- 96. - I didn't come on the bus either.
- So how did you get here then?
- 97. Well, basically, there was this little dot,
right, and the dot went bang...
- 98. and the bang expanded -
energy formed into matter.
- 99. Matter cooled, matter lived,
the amoeba to fish, the fish to fowl...
- 100. the fowl to froggy, the froggy to mammal,
the mammal to monkey, the monkey to man.
- 101. Amo, amas, amat. Quid pro quo.
Memento mori. Ad infinitum.
- 102. Sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese
and leave under the grill till doomsday.
- 103. - I see you haven't changed.
- He's a fuckin' genius, this geezer.
- 104. I take it you met
my wicky-wacky friend Sophie.
- 105. Oh, no. Actually, we haven't been
formally introduced. Have we, love?
- 106. - No. - No, we've been sat here in
embarrassing silence all afternoon.
- 107. - So, how are you?
- Peachy creamy.
- 108. Are you really?
I'm very pleased.
- 109. So, how's, um -
- 110. - It's all right. - “It's all
right.” - It's all right.
- 111. - Is it everything you hoped it would be?
- 112. What did you hope it would be?
- 113. I'm so - I'm sorry.
Did you get that?
- 114. ! It's everything she hoped it would be, but she
doesn't fucking know what she hoped it would be.
- 115. Oh, and by the way,
thank you for this.
- 116. I mean, are you taking a piss or what?
- 117. “So, Johnny, my address is” -
- 118. I'm touched.
- 119. - Why have you come?
- Oh, can you tell from there?
- 120. - Do you want a cup oi tea'?
- 121. I'd love a cup of tea! You're fucking
generous, you Cockneys, aren't ya?
- 122. - Sophie?
- Oh, yeah. Ta.
- 123. - How's your mum?
- Fine. How's yours? Still pulling pints?
- 124. She's dead.
She's still a good fuck though.
- 125. I mean,
the rates are a bit extortionate...
- 126. but I do get a discount
what with being the son and everything.
- 127. Apparently, you shouldn't stick anything up
your cunt that you can't put in your mouth.
- 128. - Give us that mug.
- 129. Can I try your coat on, Johnny?
- 130. Yeah.
- 131. So what you been up to?
Have you seen anybody?
- 132. Have you seen anybody?
- 133. Have you spoken to anybody
- 134. Yeah, I phoned June
a couple of times.
- 135. And was June interested
in what you had to say?
- 136. Fuckin' hell. I've seen more life
in an open grave.
- 137. - Come on!
- 138. - You don't seem very pleased to see me.
- I am pleased to see ya!
- 139. You too good for us? Now you've got
yourself a posh job in the big “shitty.”
- 140. - Me and her are on the fucking dole-
- Rig ht.
- 141. - You're a career girl. You happy
with that? - Yeah. - Are you sure?
- 142. - Yeah.
- I'm delighted!
- 143. - Do you want some of this, Johnny?
- 144. Fuckin' hell, love.
What are you trying to do to me?
- 145. Right. Well, I'm going up to my room.
Do you want to see it, Johnny?
- 146. Is it worth the bother?
Is there anything worth seeing?
- 147. Why don't you come and find out?
It's not very far.
- 148. I'm sorry about this.
- 149. Yeah.
- 150. Oh, move, move.
- 151. - Where are you'?
- I'm in here.
- 152. Oh, it's de-lovely.
- 153. I see you've got a ceiling at the top
with a floor on the lower level...
- 154. and a wall at either side.
- 155. And only a single bed.
- 156. - You've got wonderful breasts.
- Don't you mean “tits”?
- 157. Are they both the same size,
or is one bigger than the other?
- 158. I don't know.
Do you want to weigh them?
- 159. - Is that a proposition?
- No, it's a threat.
- 160. Are you rich?
- 161. Life is for enjoying.
- 162. What about a family?
Have you got any brothers or sisters?
- 163. I try not to remember.
- 164. - You're sexually frustrated, aren't you?
- 165. - What's funny?
- Are you a feminist?
- 166. - No.
- Do you like fucking?
- 167. - Do you like wanking?
- Not on my own, no.
- 168. That's a very ornithological
mutilation you've got there, love.
- 169. That's my tribal initiation.
- 170. Is it really?
- 171. - That was fuckin' athletic, that was.
- I think I ruptured my chakras.
- 172. is there
an instruction manual for this garb?
- 173. No. It's an intelligence test.
- 174. Now, what is this?
A granny, a sheepshank...
- 175. or the infamous round turn
and two half hitches...
- 176. as mentioned
in the Book of Ezekiel?
- 177. - Are you finished?
- Hardly fuckin' begun.
- 178. It's just I think I'm gonna get into difficulties
when I reach the hippie shit up here.
- 179. - You know what I mean?
- Yeah. Well, you've tried the stairs.
- 180. I think we should take
- 181. Simple really.
- 182. - So is this.
- Thanks for the mammaries.
- 183. Could you ask her
to order me a taxi, please?
- 184. - This is terribly disappointing.
- You don't like rejection, do you, Jeremy?
- 185. - Could we have a taxi, please?
- No problem... sir.
- 186. Wheel
- 187. [ Laughing 1
- 188. It's really cozy, this.
- 189. Will you let me come again, Jerry?
- 190. You're dead handsome, you know.
- 191. What work do you do?
- 192. I'm a dancer, actually.
- 193. Don't you wanna know me name?
- 194. It's Giselle.
- 195. Are you married?
- 196. - What?
- 197. Kiss me.
- 198. Oh, don't. It's yucky!
- 199. Get it off!
- 200. [ Laughing 1
- 201. Are you glad I came?
- 202. What are you doing?
Get off me!
- 203. You're hurting me!
- 204. - Have you ever thought of committing suicide?
- 205. I'm going to commit suicide
on my 40th birthday...
- 206. if I'm still around.
- 207. - Why?
- I don't want to be old.
- 208. - Do you?
- 209. Fuck.
- 210. Oh, God.
- 211. - Oh. Have a fag.
- Yeah, thanks. I will.
- 212. What are you reading?
- 213. Will you stop fucking about and fidgeting
in my peripherals? I'm trying to concentrate.
- 214. She's got a very little waist,
Sophie, ain't she?
- 215. She's got little tits and all.
- 216. - Are you not cold?
- I'm reading about the butterfly effect.
- 217. What's the butterfly effect?
- 218. Every time a butterfly
flaps its wings in Tokyo...
- 219. this old granny in Salford
gets a bilious attack.
- 220. What happens if a butterfly
flaps its wings in Salford?
- 221. - That's not the point.
- Oh, is it not?
- 222. - What are you doing in London, Johnny?
- What are you doing in London?
- 223. - I've told you what I'm doing in London.
- You've told me nothing.
- 224. - The last time I saw you, I told you -
- Fuckin' hell! Were you born irritatin'?
- 225. What have you
come downstairs for anyway?
- 226. I fell asleep with the window open.
I was cold. I came down.
- 227. I had to pee. I've made some tea.
I'm here. All right?
- 228. - What's that, the greatest story ever told?
- I live here.
- 229. So what happened?
Were you bored in Manchester?
- 230. Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored.
I'm never bored.
- 231. That's the trouble with even/body.
You're all so bored.
- 232. You've had nature explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
- 233. You've had the living body explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
- 234. You've had the universe explained to you,
and you're bored with it.
- 235. So now you just want cheap thrills
and plenty of 'em...
- 236. and it don't matter how tawdry
or vacuous they are as long as it's new...
- 237. as long as it's new, as long as it flashes
and fucking bleeps in 40 different colors.
- 238. Well, whatever else you can say about me,
I'm not fuckin' bored.
- 239. Yeah. All right.
- 240. So how's it all going for you?
- 241. It's a bit boring, actually.
- 242. You're not enjoying yourself?
- 243. Have you made many friends?
- 244. No.
- 245. Have you got a goblet or something,
because me heart's bleedin'.
- 246. When are you going back
- 247. - When are you going back to Manchester?
- I'm not going back.
- 248. - Why not?
- You know why not.
- 249. Do I?
- 250. I thought you said
you never wanted to see me again.
- 251. I don't ever want to see you again.
So will you fuck off back upstairs?
- 252. - Why are you such a bastard, Johnny?
- Monkey see, monkey do.
- 253. - What does that mean?
- 254. - Oh, this fucking cough.
- A butterfly must have flapped its wings.
- 255. So have you got to
get up for work now, yeah?
- 256. No. It's too early.
- 257. I'm going back to bed.
- 258. So is she, uh, a Buddhist or something,
- 259. No, she's a Catholic.
- 260. What's she doing with
the old fat chap in the house then?
- 261. I don't know.
I think she fancies him or something.
- 262. Louise is a Catholic.
Did you know that?
- 263. - Shah not', is she?
- Oh, fuckin' hell!
- 264. You know what frightens me
about the human body?
- 265. What?
- 266. Well, it's like the, uh, most sophisticated
mechanism in the entire universe...
- 267. and yet it's so fuckin' quiet, isn't it?
- 268. - Know What I mean?
- Don't know. Mine makes enough noise.
- 269. It's like this, uh, wet, pink factory.
- 270. What the fuck are they making in there?
I mean, what's the product?
- 271. You never see no delivery trucks
coming or going, do you?
- 272. - I could have been a doctor.
- Do you wanna examine me?
- 273. - You don't believe me, do you?
- I believe everything you say.
- 274. - I've got “A” level psychology.
- You haven't.
- 275. “Resolve is never stronger than in the morning
after the night it was never weaker.”
- 276. - What do you think of that?
- It's a load of bollocks.
- 277. I thought of that.
- 278. - Do you not agree with it?
- Don't know.
- 279. Well, that's 'cause you weren't
fuckin' listening, were you?
- 280. What's this?
A test or something?
- 281. - Don't. Stop it.
- 282. Just pack it in. Stop it!
- 283. Keep buggering about.
- 284. - Let me get a watch, Johnny.
- Will you keep still?
- 285. - Look, you can get me a watch.
- Don't want a fucking watch.
- 286. I really like you, Johnny.
- 287. You don't know me.
- 288. I think I do.
- 289. - But you don't fucking know me!
- Oh, shit!
- 290. Fucking hell!
- 291. - You still like me?
- I love you.
- 292. - What?
- I'm in love with you, Johnny.
- 293. - Don't laugh. I'm serious.
- 294. I understand you, Johnny. I do.
- 295. Johnny! No! No!
- 296. Johnny!
- 297. Ta-ra, Mr. Halpern.
- 298. What's the matter?
What's going on?
- 299. Fucked if I know.
- 300. I'm too old for all this.
- 301. Why don't we go out?
Go out for a drink or somethin'?
- 302. Why don't you go out?
Go for a drink or somethin'.
- 303. 'Cause I want to go out with you.
- 304. Is this good?
- 305. What are you doing?
Where are you going?
- 306. - I'm cold.
- Johnny, I just -
- 307. Get off of me.
- 308. How - Do you ever get the feeling
that you're being followed?
- 309. Look, will you just leave me alone,
give me a bit of room or something?
- 310. Fucking hell!
- 311. Johnny! Johnny!
- 312. What's all that about?
What are you playin' at?
- 313. - Where are you going, Johnny?
- Off my head.
- 314. - I'm coming with you. - No, you're not.
- I want to come with you!
- 315. Don't you fucking come with me!
- 316. - Are you comm' back'?
- What the fuck for?
- 317. Maggie!
- 318. Maggie!
- 319. - You all right there, chief?
- 320. - Have you lost somebody?
- 321. - Are you looking for somebody?
- Fuck off, cunt!
- 322. - Got a fag?
- Yes, thanks.
- 323. - Yeah, I got one.
- Giz one.
- 324. - Please.
- 325. - Say please.
- Just fucking giz one. Come on, mister.
- 326. You've got a lovely way about you.
Has anybody ever told you that?
- 327. “Thank you.” It's all right.
- 328. Maggie!
- 329. - She's gone, mate.
- 330. Those days are over.
- 331. Have you seen a lassie
wandering about here?
- 332. - What?
- A lassie - black hair, blue jeans.
- 333. I saw a little border collie
padding off down there towards the fire.
- 334. - Yeah?
- 335. - Have you lost your bird or something?
- Aye. Have you seen her?
- 336. Black hair.
- 337. - No.
- Fuckin' hell!
- 338. Stupid fuckin' cunt's
gone and got lost.
- 339. - Are you from Scotland?
- 340. - Are you Scots?
- 341. - What's it like up there?
- Fucking shite. I'll kick her fanny, man.
- 342. - Do you dream in Scotch?
- 343. Like, dream about sporran-clad,
- 344. galloping over
- 345. Fucking shite!
- 346. I sent off for one of those little Linguaphone
packages - “Talk Shite in a Fortnight.”
- 347. It's all going very well. I haven't quite got
the hang of the transitive verbs yet.
- 348. Will you fuckin' shut it?
- 349. - So, what you doin' down here?
- 350. Why are you here in London,
old Bodhi Dharma?
- 351. - Put my old man in hospital.
- 352. - Your dad?
- 353. - How did you do that then?
- Cracked him on the nut with a poker.
- 354. - What for?
- He was fuckin' asking for it!
- 355. - Maggie!
- So, what, is he in a bad way?
- 356. Fuckin' right. He's half dead.
- 357. - What does your mum think about it?
- She's off her fuckin' nut.
- 358. - So, you're, like, on the run, yeah?
- 359. - Yeah, me too.
- Yeah? The cops after you? Yeah?
- 360. - Can you tell me something, jock?
- 361. - What's all that about?
- 362. That - the old Highland fling there.
You know you're doing that?
- 363. - What?
- That - you know, “ and for my next tick” -
- 364. That. Look, it - it just happened again.
I'm not imagining it.
- 365. - Fuck off, eh? - You do that in the sack,
with the old tick, spit - “Maggie!”
- 366. - Must be a great fucking shag.
- Are you taking a piss?
- 367. - You're fucking giving it away, aren't ya'?
- Fucking come on, cunt!
- 368. Cut your fucking head open!
- 369. - What's it like being you?
- 370. - A bit hectic?
- Fuck off, poof!
- 371. Do you believe
in self-fulfilling prophecy?
- 372. - Eh?
- 373. You know, like Nostradamus.
- 374. He was, like,
this 16th-century astrologer...
- 375. and he wrote in one of his quatrains that
this goon called Hister would invade Poland.
- 376. So Hitler reads that and thinks,
- 377. Must mean me,”
and invades Poland.
- 378. So when the guy prophesied that the world
would end in 1999, which he did...
- 379. does that therefore mean
that we're fulfilling the prophecy...
- 380. by precipitating the Apocalypse?
- 381. - You with me?
- 382. You think the world will end in 1999?
- 383. Listen, mate,
what do you think of this?
- 384. Why don't you go have a little wander around
and go look for the wee lassie, and I'll wait here?
- 385. - If she turns up, I'll keep her
here until you get back. - Aye?
- 386. - How does that grab ya?
- You gonna be here, eh?
- 387. - Yeah.
- Right. If she gets back, right...
- 388. tell her to fucking wait here
till I get back.
- 389. If she wanders off, knock her out.
You slap her good for me, right?
- 390. - Yeah, I'll tie her up.
- 391. - You gonna be here, eh?
- Yeah. Oh, listen. What's her name again?
- 392. - Maggie.
- Oh, yeah.
- 393. Be back in a minute, right?
- 394. Excuse me, love.
- 395. Hello!
- 396. - Are you Maggie?
- Piss off!
- 397. - Oh, you're Maggie.
- 398. - Is your name Maggie?
- How'd you ken that?
- 399. It's just a hunch.
Are you looking for the, uh, petulant dwarf?
- 400. - Eh'?
- Sprechen Sie Deutsches?
- 401. - Archie!
- Yeah, th - that's the fella.
- 402. I was told to wait here for you.
You're Maggie, he's Archie, I'm nobody.
- 403. - He's gone off looking for you, love.
- What, you've seen him?
- 404. Look, would you just come
and sit over here now?
- 405. - Fuck off, you dirty cunt.
- 406. I know I've not had a bath for a good few seasons,
but there's no need to hurt my feelings.
- 407. He'll be back in a minute.
- 408. - What, he's been here?
- He's been here, he's been there.
- 409. He's been all over
the fuckin' shop.
- 410. - Did he have the chips with him?
- He had a huge one on his shoulder.
- 411. - Fuckin' wee radge!
- Come on. No need to knock the young lad.
- 412. He's a wonderful exponent
of the old Socratic debate.
- 413. Listen, love,
I've got this great idea.
- 414. Why don't you have a little wander round,
see if you can find the wee lad?
- 415. I'll wait here. And if he turns up,
I'll keep him here till you get back.
- 416. I'm fucking starvin'.
- 417. - Do you wanna get something to eat?
- He's got all the money, hasn't he?
- 418. - Who, laughing boy?
- 419. - Well, I've got a few bob on me.
- What if he comes back and we're no here?
- 420. - We'll leave him a note.
- He won't be able to read it.
- 421. Well, we'll get him on his bleeper.
- 422. Can you feel all those vibrations?
- 423. No.
- 424. Just stand still a minute, love.
Try and feel it through your feet.
- 425. Do you not get all those tremblings and mumblings
coming up through your bones?
- 426. Not really, no.
- 427. Do you not get, like, a sense of, like,
a whole other world underneath all this?
- 428. You know, like, the guts of London?
- 429. What with all the tube trains
and everything, the city's viscera...
- 430. and the subterranean fucking fistulas
and conduits and colons...
- 431. and bunkers and dungeons
and tombs and all that.
- 432. What, about hell
and the sewers, like?
- 433. You know that wherever you are in London,
you're only 30 feet away from a rat.
- 434. - Aye.
- Does that freak you out? - No.
- 435. - Do you believe in hell?
- 436. - So do you believe in the devil?
- 437. - What do you think he looks like?
- He looks like that, doesn't he?
- 438. What, a little nudist
homonculus with a pink quiff?
- 439. - No, he looks like a snake.
- Let's have a look at that.
- 440. - It's Archie, isn't it?
- It's my good luck charm.
- 441. - Has it brought you much?
- Has it fuck.
- 442. - Are you superstitious?
- 443. What do you wear
a good luck charm for then?
- 444. Are we gonna get
something to eat or what?
- 445. Have you ever seen a dead body?
- 446. Only me own.
- 447. Where was you thinking
of sleeping tonight?
- 448. - Don't know.
- Where did you kip down last night?
- 449. - In the park.
- Was that not cold?
- 450. Aye.
- 451. Where are you thinking
of sleeping, like?
- 452. Wherever I drop.
- 453. - How old are you, love?
- 454. - Do your mum and dad know you're down here?
- 455. - Will they not be worried about you?
- 456. How old are you, like?
- 457. - How old do you think I am?
- About 40.
- 458. - I'm 27.
- Oh, get the fuck.
- 459. - Where the fuck have you been?
- Where the fuck have you been?
- 460. - Eh?
- I've been waitin' on you!
- 461. - What the fuck you been doin' now?
- You've got all the money!
- 462. - I've been fucking looking all over for ya!
- Well, I was with him.
- 463. - What do you - Fuck!
- I was fucking with him!
- 464. - Daft cunt.
- Fuckin' ask him!
- 465. - Fuck off!
- Fuckin' ask him!
- 466. - Fuckin' daft bitch! Eh?
- Where's my chips?
- 467. - That was fuckin' years ago.
- 468. - Fucking here are your fucking chips!
- Don't come near me!
- 469. Fucking cunt!
- 470. Did he hurt you?
- 471. What do you mean?
- 472. You know,
when you were fucking.
- 473. Why? Did he hurt you?
- 474. Do you think you were made
for each other?
- 475. - Well, we went out for a year.
- A year?
- 476. Fucking hell, give me a year!
- 477. Do you ever feel like topping yourself?
- 478. - Oh, God. I wish I was at home.
- Glad I'm not.
- 479. Yeah, well, I don't mean with me mum and dad.
I just mean in Manchester.
- 480. - You reckon it's different there, do you?
- Yeah. People talked to you.
- 481. - Well, I'm talking to you.
- Yeah, but you talk a pile of shit.
- 482. Doesn't matter where you are anyway.
Might as well be in Zimbabwe with Sandra.
- 483. Are you gonna do any washing up
before she gets back?
- 484. Yeah, of course I am.
When is she getting back?
- 485. Sunday.
- 486. Well, it's four fucking days away, innit?
- 487. “Thou shalt not consent unto him,
nor harken unto him...
- 488. “neither shall thou pity him,
neither shall thou stare...
- 489. “neither shall thou conceal him,
but thou shalt surely kill him...
- 490. - with thy hand” -
- 491. Lost me place now.
- 492. “And thou shalt stone him
with stones till he die...
- 493. “because he has sought to force thee away
from the Lord, thy God, and” -
- 494. Fuckin' hell.
Why hast thou forsaken me?
- 495. Bastard.
- 496. Hmm.
- 497. Is that it now then?
Are you through with the regulation pacing?
- 498. Are you all set
to deploy the fatuous sarcasm?
- 499. Well, I've beaten you to it.
- 500. Would you like a mint?
- 501. What's this, a new policy?
Ply the culprit with menthol?
- 502. Extra strong.
- 503. I get through
four packets of these a night.
- 504. You want to be careful, don't you?
I don't want your poxy mint.
- 505. Oh. Waste not, want not.
- 506. And other clichés.
- 507. Ah, but a cliché is full of truth,
otherwise it wouldn't be a cliché.
- 508. Which is in itself a cliche'.
- 509. - Tell me, have you read the book of Hosea?
- What now?
- 510. - “For they are the children of whores.”
- There's no need to get personal, mate.
- 511. What, will you stop fucking about?
If you're gonna stick the boot in, get on with it.
- 512. Have you got nowhere to go then?
- 513. I've got an infinite number of fucking places to go.
The problem is where you stay.
- 514. - You with me?
- Indeed. Yes.
- 515. So, listen, is there much security
in this job?
- 516. Too much.
- 517. What is it that goes on in this particular
postmodernist gas chamber?
- 518. Nothing. It's empty.
- 519. So what is it that you're guarding?
- 520. - Space.
- 521. You guarding space?
- 522. That's stupid, isn't it, because someone could
break in there and steal all the fucking space...
- 523. and you wouldn't know
it had gone, would you?
- 524. Good point.
- 525. All right.
- 526. All right, pally, I appreciate you've got a job
to do, and it's, “Move on! Move on! Move on!”
- 527. But it's fucking freezing out there,
and I was a Caesarean.
- 528. - Come on, quick.
- 529. Come in.
- 530. - You serious?
- Through that door, smartish.
- 531. It's a funny smell in here.
- 532. Come on.
- 533. Quite a waste of space,
all this, isn't it?
- 534. Could sleep a thousand
flea-bitten tramps in here.
- 535. What's all that?
- 536. They say it's a fucking jungle out there.
Have you seen it in here?
- 537. I mean, where's the bloody monkeys?
- 538. Look, dad! Will you just back off?
- 539. - What is it you're after?
- You must be invisible.
- 540. - What?
- I must be seen.
- 541. Follow me.
- 542. Sit there.
- 543. - Am I allowed to smoke in here?
- No. You'll set off the alarm.
- 544. Now, I'm not gonna look at you.
- 545. It mustn't look like
I'm talking to anybody.
- 546. If you're seen in here,
I'm out of a job.
- 547. See what I mean?
- 548. If they see you talking to yourself like that,
you'll be out of a job anyway.
- 549. They'll come after you
with a big butterfly net.
- 550. Oh, yes.
I'll stand like this then.
- 551. - Well, that's better, isn't it?
- 552. In, out of the cold.
- 553. Yeah.
- 554. Yeah. Thanks very much.
- 555. It's funny being inside, innit?
- 556. 'Cause when you are inside,
you're still actually outside, aren't ya?
- 557. And then you can say,
when you're outside, you're inside...
- 558. because you're always
inside your head.
- 559. - Do you follow that?
- 560. Sometimes when I'm sitting here,
I turn the lights off, sit in the dark.
- 561. That always makes me feel
like I'm sitting outside.
- 562. So, what do you do with yourself
here every nighttime?
- 563. I read, and I think.
- 564. What do you think about?
- 565. - I think about my life.
- And is that horrendous for you?
- 566. No, certainly not.
- 567. Is it horrendous for your wife?
Are you married, mate?
- 568. Well, technically I'm married...
- 569. although my wife is 5,919 miles away
and I haven't seen her for 13 years.
- 570. It's all going very well then?
Where is she?
- 571. - She's in Bangkok.
- 572. - They're not worth it, are they?
- Whores and harlots.
- 573. When was the last time
you had a fuck?
- 574. Is that an embarrassing question for you?
- 575. It is, rather. Yes.
- 576. I'm sorry.
- 577. Step this way.
- 578. I want to reveal to you
the mysteries of my trade.
- 579. - What do you think that is?
- A, uh, Dadaist nun?
- 580. Wrong. This little lady is
the representative of my employer.
- 581. - How do you do, love?
- 582. - Very Zen.
- 583. My existence at this moment, on this spot,
is now trapped and recorded.
- 584. Twenty-three moments, 23 sites,
every two hours.
- 585. That's my job.
- 586. Well, could they not train
a tall chimpanzee to do that?
- 587. Or a small chimpanzee
with a bigger gizmo?
- 588. I expect they could, yes.
- 589. - What's your name, son?
- 590. Hello, Brian. Johnny.
- 591. Well, Brian, congratulations.
- 592. You succeeded in convincing me that you
do have the most tedious fucking job...
- 593. in England.
- 594. Come on.
- 595. - Yes, it is a boring job. Bloody boring, actually.
- All right, all right.
- 596. But all you can see is the tip of the iceberg,
the present, the tedious here and now.
- 597. What you're incapable of seeing
is the rest of time, the rest of the iceberg -
- 598. past and the future, my future...
- 599. which is a very interesting place to be.
- 600. The good thing about this job
is that it gives me time and space...
- 601. to contemplate the future at my leisure,
whilst the city sleeps...
- 602. free from the cacophonous curiosity
of the hoi polloi.
- 603. So, you see, it's not a boring job.
- 604. And I'm not boring either.
- 605. - Am I allowed to smoke on the stairs?
- No. There's alarms all over the building.
- 606. So you think you can make the present palatable
by projecting into the future?
- 607. You're living in the past, pal.
It's the future that fucks you up, Brian.
- 608. It's the maggot in the apple.
- 609. See, you're all pissed off
with the present, Bri...
- 610. and there's nothing wrong
with the present.
- 611. The present's fine. The present's perfect.
The present's peachy fucking creamy.
- 612. The only thing wrong with the present
is the bastard doesn't exist...
- 613. because the present is the future,
and the future is the past...
- 614. and it's all the same
fucking bag of bones anyway.
- 615. It's a constant process
of coming into being and passing away...
- 616. coming into being
and passing away.
- 617. - The future is now.
- But the present does exist. We're in it now.
- 618. You were just then, when you said it, but you're not
in it now, you're not in it now, you're not in it now.
- 619. You're forever being kicked up the ass
by the future. You with me?
- 620. That's what I mean.
- 621. See, I'm in the present,
but I'm not in the present.
- 622. I'm in the future.
- 623. Exactly.
- 624. Has nobody not told you, Brian, that you've got
this kind of gleeful preoccupation with the future?
- 625. I wouldn't even mind,
but you don't even have a fucking future.
- 626. I don't have a future.
Nobody has a future.
- 627. The party's over. Take a look around you, man.
It's all breaking up.
- 628. Are you not familiar with
the Book of Revelations of Saint John...
- 629. the final book of the Bible
prophesying the Apocalypse?
- 630. Yes, as it happens, I'm familiar
with all the books of the Bible.
- 631. I'm very happy for you. “He forced everyone
to receive a mark on his right hand...
- 632. “or on his forehead so that no one
shall be able to buy or sell...
- 633. “unless he has the mark,
which is the name of the beast...
- 634. or the number of his name,
and the number of the beast is 666.”
- 635. - 666! I know about it.
- 636. I know about Nostradamus.
Nostradamus talked about three brothers.
- 637. Did he mean the Kennedy brothers or was he
talking about three bits of the Soviet Union?
- 638. - You see? You just can't tell.
- Fuck Nostradamus!
- 639. I'm not talking about Nostradamus or Mother
Shipton or Russell Grant or Mystic-fucking-Meg.
- 640. I'm talking about the holy fucking book!
- 641. What can such a specific prophecy mean?
- 642. What is the mark?
- 643. Well, the mark, Brian, is the bar code,
the ubiquitous bar code...
- 644. that you'll find on every bog roll
and every packet of johnnies...
- 645. and every poxy pork pie.
- 646. And every fucking bar code is divided
into two parts by three markers.
- 647. And those three markers are always
represented by the number six.
- 648. Six, six, six.
- 649. Now, what does it say? “No one shall be able
to buy or sell without that mark.”
- 650. And now, what they're planning to do
in order to eradicate all credit card fraud...
- 651. and in order to precipitate
a totally cashless society...
- 652. what they're planning to do, what they've
already tested on the American troops...
- 653. they're gonna subcutaneously laser-tattoo
that mark onto your right hand or forehead.
- 654. They're gonna replace plastic with flesh.
- 655. Fact!
- 656. In the same Book of Revelations,
when the seven seals are broken open...
- 657. on the Day of Judgment
and the seven angels blow the trumpets...
- 658. when the third angel blows her bugle,
Wormwood will fall from the sky...
- 659. Wormwood will poison
a third part of all the waters...
- 660. and a third part of all the land,
and many, many, many people will die.
- 661. Now, do you know what
the Russian translation for “Wormwood” is?
- 662. - No.
- 663. Fact!
- 664. On August the 18th, 1999...
- 665. the planets of our solar system
are gonna line up into the shape of a cross.
- 666. - I don't believe in astrology.
- I'm not talking about astrology!
- 667. I'm talking about astronomy.
- 668. They're gonna line up in the fixed signs
of Aquarius, Leo, Taurus and Scorpio...
- 669. which just happen to correspond
to the four beasts of the Apocalypse...
- 670. as mentioned in the Book of Daniel.
- 671. Another fucking fact!
- 672. Do you want me to go on?
The end of the world is nigh, Bri.
- 673. The game is up!
- 674. I don't believe that.
- 675. Life can't just come to a stop.
- 676. All right, I'm not saying
that life will end...
- 677. or the world will end
or the universe will cease to exist...
- 678. but man will cease to exist.
- 679. Just like the dinosaurs passed into extinction,
the same thing will happen to us.
- 680. We're not fucking important.
We're just a crap idea.
- 681. I'm not gonna cease to exist.
- 682. I'm gonna be here in the future.
- 683. What is this fucking fixation
with the future?
- 684. Listen, pal,
I've got chronic systolic palpitations...
- 685. and acute fucking neuralgia.
- 686. - What about these toilets? Can I smoke in here?
- No, you fucking can't!
- 687. - Let me ask you a question.
- 688. Have you ever had the sense that you've
lived in a time different from this one?
- 689. - What, you mean, like, in a past life?
- Could be, yeah.
- 690. - Well, in my past life, I was dead.
- Ah, well, you see, I wasn't.
- 691. I know I was here in the past,
before I was born.
- 692. So I know I'm gonna be here
in the future, after I've died.
- 693. I see. And in this alternative existence,
did you still have the same noxious body odor?
- 694. There's no need to be personal.
It's what I believe.
- 695. - Shall I tell you what I believe?
- You don't believe in anything.
- 696. - Oh, I do, Brian.
- Yeah? What do you believe?
- 697. Do you think that the amoeba ever dreamed
that it would evolve into the frog?
- 698. Of course it didn't.
- 699. And when that first frog shimmied out of
the water and employed its vocal cords...
- 700. in order to attract a mate
or to retard a predator...
- 701. do you think that that frog ever imagined
that that incipient croak...
- 702. would evolve into all the languages of the world,
into all the literature of the world?
- 703. Of course it fucking didn't.
- 704. And just as that froggy could never
possibly have conceived of Shakespeare...
- 705. so we can never possibly
imagine our destiny.
- 706. I know what my destiny is.
- 707. Yeah, but what you're experiencing,
as far as I can gather...
- 708. with all these manifestations
of, uh, regression and precognition...
- 709. and transmigratory
astral fucking chatterings...
- 710. is just the equivalent
of that first primeval grunt...
- 711. because evolution isn't over.
- 712. Man isn't the be-all
and fucking end-all.
- 713. Look, if you take the whole of time,
represented by one year...
- 714. we're only in the first few moments
of the first of January.
- 715. There's a long way to go.
- 716. Only now we're not gonna sprout
extra limbs and wings and fins...
- 717. because evolution itself is evolving.
- 718. And whereas you, through some process
of extrasensory recall...
- 719. might imagine that you were some -
I don't know - some 17th-century Dutch girl...
- 720. living in a windmill in old Amsterdam...
- 721. one day you'll realize that you've had not
just one or two past or future existences...
- 722. but that you were, and are, everybody
and everything that has ever been...
- 723. or will ever be.
- 724. Hang on a minute.
You just contradicted yourself.
- 725. Oh, how'd you make that out?
- 726. Downstairs you were predicting the end of the world.
Now you're talking about the future.
- 727. - How do you explain that, eh?
- 728. When it comes,
the Apocalypse itself...
- 729. will be part of the process
of that leap of evolution.
- 730. Yeah. Well, whatever happens...
- 731. mankind will not cease to exist.
- 732. He must. By the very definition of apocalypse,
mankind must cease to exist...
- 733. at least in a material form.
- 734. What do you mean,
“in a material form”?
- 735. - Well, he'll evolve.
- What into?
- 736. Into something
that transcends matter.
- 737. Into a species of pure thought.
Are you with me?
- 738. Yeah. Like a ghost.
- 739. No, not like a fucking ghost,
you big girl's blouse!
- 740. Into something that's, like,
well beyond our comprehension.
- 741. Into a universal consciousness.
- 742. Into God,
who is, by the same principle...
- 743. that time is.
- 744. - You don't believe in God.
- Of course I believe in God.
- 745. You see, the thing is, Brian...
- 746. that God is a hateful god.
- 747. Must be...
- 748. because if God is good,
then why is there evil in the world?
- 749. Why is there pain and hate
and greed and war?
- 750. Doesn't make sense.
- 751. But if God is a nasty bastard, then you can say,
“Why is there good in the world?
- 752. Why is there love and hope and joy?”
- 753. Well, let's face it. Good exists
in order to be fucked up by evil.
- 754. The very existence of good
enables evil to flourish.
- 755. Therefore, God is bad.
- 756. And it doesn't matter how many past
or future existences you have...
- 757. because they're all gonna be riddled
with grief and anguish...
- 758. and sickness and death.
- 759. You see, Brian, God doesn't love you.
- 760. God despises you.
- 761. So there's no hope...
- 762. and mankind
is just a component of the device...
- 763. by which the devil creates itself.
- 764. Are you with me?
- 765. You see, what I'm saying, basically, is...
- 766. you can't make an omelet
without cracking a few eggs...
- 767. and humanity is just a cracked egg...
- 768. and the omelet stinks.
- 769. Yeah.
- 770. Oh. And what's through
the round window?
- 771. - Who's that?
- Good question.
- 772. Have you seen her before?
- 773. Oh, yeah.
She's there every night.
- 774. - Good-looking young girl, isn't she?
- She's all right.
- 775. Does she ever have fellas up there?
- 776. No.
- 777. Have you ever seen her, like,
you know, totally naked?
- 778. Once.
- 779. What's she up to, eh?
- 780. I mean, what's her game,
taunting people in the middle of the night, eh?
- 781. She probably gels e kick out' of it',
like you get' e kick out' of Watching her.
- 782. - !'m doing no such thing.
- Well, I am.
- 783. Have you got a hard-on?
- 784. No, I haven't, as a matter of fact.
- 785. You wouldn't tell me if you had,
- 786. No, I don't think I would.
- 787. - Did you make these yourself?
- I did, yeah.
- 788. I thought so.
- 789. Well, listen, I might be back
in a couple of minutes.
- 790. Be good.
If you can't be good, be careful.
- 791. - And other clichés.
- 792. Well, tatty-bye, Bri.
- 793. Yes.
- 794. Charles? What?
- 795. Hello?
- 796. What the fuck's going on?
Where the bloody hell's Dorfman?
- 797. The bastard's cost me
30 grand already.
- 798. Fuck!
- 799. Sorry about that.
- 800. Oh, I'm sorry, love.
- 801. That's not you on the top floor,
is it, dancin'?
- 802. Yeah. Why?
- 803. Oh, right.
Um, you're a lovely mover.
- 804. I'm sorry, pet.
I'm, uh, freaking you out.
- 805. - Where's Bhapu?
- 806. - It's cold.
- Listen, I'd better explain meself.
- 807. You see, me brother's working
as an “insecurity” guard...
- 808. in that fucking monstrosity round the back,
and we can see straight into your room.
- 809. It's very nice.
- 810. Anyway, he's got his boss coming round,
so he's told me to schlep round the streets...
- 811. for a couple of hours, and I said I 'o' coma
and say hello to Isadora Duncan— .
- 812. keep you company.
- 813. I know it's a bit cheeky,
but, uh, I'm a cheeky young monkey.
- 814. - Do you want to come in?
- Is that all right?
- 815. Hmm. How long
have you been growing that?
- 816. - About two inches.
- Hmm. It's nice.
- 817. You've had a few, haven't you, love?
- 818. - Do you want to come in?
- Thought you'd never ask.
- 819. - Am I allowed to smoke in here?
- 820. Thank Christ for that.
- 821. Do you want a drink?
- 822. - Mmm.
- I think I better have, don't you?
- 823. Got a bit of fucking
catching up to do, huh?
- 824. - Here's to the monarchy.
- 825. What's funny?
- 826. I'm not laughing.
- 827. So do you live here on your own, yeah?
- 828. Is this what you're reading?
- 829. Jane Austen by Emma.
- 830. - It's my favorite book.
- Is it really?
- 831. I don't read much myself.
- 832. You from Ireland?
- 833. No. Why?
- 834. What's that, a damp patch?
- 835. Oh.
- 836. I never noticed that before.
- 837. How's it going inside there?
- 838. Mmm. Baby.
- 839. Baby.
- 840. How old are you, love?
- 841. It's funny, 'cause from over there,
you look a lot younger.
- 842. I think me big brother's
quite taken with you.
- 843. He's up there every night,
having a bit of a wank about you.
- 844. Are you with me?
- 845. What's the matter?
- 846. Don't do that.
- 847. What, that?
- 848. Or that?
- 849. Don't you like that?
- 850. You don't have to hurt me.
- 851. I'm sorry.
- 852. Bite me.
- 853. Fucking bite me.
- 854. - Come on.
- 855. Hey! Hey!
- 856. Who's this?
- 857. Who's this?
- 858. Please, will you?
- 859. I can't, love.
- 860. You look like me mother.
- 861. Think you can
recapture your youth by fuckin' it?
- 862. You don't wanna fuck me.
You'll catch something cruel.
- 863. Bonjour.
- 864. What's going on?
What are you doing here?
- 865. Well, I was over here, like this,
but that didn't really work for me...
- 866. so I thought I'd try over here.
- 867. But I don't think there's much
future in this one either.
- 868. Fuckin' hell.
Have you got any suggestions?
- 869. - Nope.
- So what do you do now?
- 870. - I'm gonna get some breakfast.
- Yeah, I could do with something to eat.
- 871. - Can I come with ya?
- Have you got any money?
- 872. - Nope.
- Well, how are you gonna pay for it?
- 873. I'm not.
- 874. Well, I'm hungry.
- 875. - Did you have to go and beat her up?
- I never beat her up.
- 876. - You shagged her though?
- 877. You don't believe me, do you?
- 878. - She's older than you.
- 879. Poached egg.
- 880. That skirt's a bit short, innit, love?
- 881. - What's this?
- That's where I'm gonna live.
- 882. Where is it?
- 883. Ireland.
- 884. I've lived in that cottage before.
- 885. What, in one of your past lives?
- 886. Yes, as a matter of fact.
- 887. Fuckin' shit-hole, innit?
- 888. - Don't waste your life.
- 889. Don't waste your life.
- 890. - What time does this place close?
- 891. Uh, listen, can you tell me
where I can get something to eat round here?
- 892. What?
- 893. - You've got a very nice smile.
- Have I?
- 894. Oh, yeah.
- 895. Sorry, sir.
- 896. I'll take that, sir.
- 897. Your lady companion
is joining you, sir?
- 898. Uh, no, she can't make it today, pal.
The old sciatica's playing up and everything.
- 899. - You know?
- Come on.
- 900. What?
- 901. - Out of the car.
- Well, I've only just got in the car.
- 902. Get out of the fucking car!
- 903. All right, Parker.
Keep your hat on.
- 904. Well, that was lovely.
- 905. Keep in touch.
- 906. Oh, fuck.
- 907. - Who are you?
- Sebastian Hawks.
- 908. - Nice to meet you.
- 909. Um, what you doin' here?
- 910. - I'm an acquaintance of Sandra's.
- Oh, yeah?
- 911. - I just popped round to say hello.
- Well, Sandra's away at the moment, actually.
- 912. Really.
- 913. I hope you don't mind,
but I helped myself to a beer.
- 914. Yeah, I noticed.
Is that your champagne and all?
- 915. - You like champagne, do you?
- Yeah. I do, as it happens.
- 916. This is a very nice flat.
Don't you think?
- 917. How did you get in here?
- 918. Tell me, do you have any problems
with the central heating?
- 919. Oh, are you the plumber?
- 920. Let's just say I've got
a vested interest in the property.
- 921. Fuckin' hell.
You're the landlord.
- 922. - I'd rather you thought of me as a friend.
- Oh, shit.
- 923. What, is Sandra behind
on the rent or something?
- 924. Was your tattoo painful?
- 925. Yeah.
- 926. Good.
- 927. You're very beautiful, aren't you?
- 928. Am I?
- 929. In a quirky sort of way.
- 930. - Are you a nurse?
- 931. Psychiatric.
- 932. These are a very fetching
pair of tights.
- 933. Oh, you like them, do ya,
- 934. Can we have that champagne
- 935. Did you buy them like this,
or are the holes self-inflicted?
- 936. Nah. A spider spun them,
and that's where he had a tea break.
- 937. Fucking hell!
That's a bit excessive, innit?
- 938. - I rather like this belt too.
- Oh, God.
- 939. Here we go.
- 940. - Excuse me. Where do you think you're going?
- I'm going home.
- 941. - What, you're leaving me?
- 942. I've come all this way to see you,
and you're going. I can't believe it.
- 943. - I'm stunned. I'm flabbergasted.
- So we'll get you a tissue.
- 944. Sounds promising.
Do you live nearby?
- 945. - I might do.
- I mean, is it within walking distance?
- 946. No, 'cause, you see, I've got this fascination
with all things peripatetic.
- 947. - See ya.
- Cheeky, aren't I?
- 948. Have you stolen the tea cozy?
- 949. Love, people can see you wearing that thing.
You're not embarrassed? No?
- 950. Don't give up.
- 951. Oh! Oww!
- 952. Put this on.
- 953. Oh, what?
- 954. Gonna play doctors and nurses now,
- 955. Hurry UP-
- 956. Oh, this is ridiculous.
- 957. Listen, I'm really sorry, right,
but I've had a bit of a rough week...
- 958. and I just don't think
I can go through with this.
- 959. No!
- 960. Oh, you fucker!
- 961. Fuck off! Leave me alone!
- 962. Oh, don't!
- 963. You bastard!
- 964. Do you want some beans?
- 965. Yeah, cheers.
- 966. So, what would you be doing now
if I wasn't here?
- 967. Don't know.
- 968. Having a shower, relaxing.
- 969. I could do with a shower meself.
- 970. I haven't washed for about a week,
as you've probably noticed.
- 971. You can have one if you like.
- 972. - You sure?
- 973. Bathroom's just here.
- 974. Fuckin' hell.
- 975. What did I do
to deserve you, love?
- 976. Just press this button.
- 977. Now, listen...
- 978. you're not gonna creep up on me with a big knife,
dressed up as your mother, are you?
- 979. No.
- 980. But it looks like you already are
dressed up as your mother.
- 981. Can I have me bag?
It's got me duck in it.
- 982. Ta.
- 983. Oh, dear.
- 984. Who lives here, then? Zeus?
- 985. - Is all this stuff yours?
- 986. All these pseudo Doric midgets
with their novelty underpants.
- 987. Oh, look at this one,
touching time with a barge pole.
- 988. I wouldn't.
- 989. Is he a Homer-sexual, yeah?
- 990. What do you think?
- 991. - Where is he?
- They're in America.
- 992. - They?
- 993. - When are they gettin' back?
- Don'! know.
- 994. And they're just letting you
stop here for nothing?
- 995. - Yeah?
- 996. - I don't know them.
- I don't know.
- 997. - I find all this a bit sad.
- 998. No, I don't mean that
to sound Homer-phobic.
- 999. I mean, I like The Iliad.
- 1000. And The Odyssey.
Did you get that?
- 1001. No.
- 1002. So, have you read
many of these books?
- 1003. No, I haven't.
- 1004. Oh. I've read quite a few.
- 1005. Oh, look!
Do you get it now?
- 1006. Do you know this?
- 1007. I bet you do. You've most likely
done it at school. You just can't remember.
- 1008. You know, like, uh, Achilles heel,
the wooden horse, Helen of Troy.
- 1009. - You know them?
- 1010. Yeah, well, that's all it is.
- 1011. Cyclops-
- 1012. Oh, hello.
- 1013. It's, uh, pizza delivery man.
- 1014. Do you want those beans?
- 1015. Oh, yeah. I forgot.
- 1016. Sebastian Hawks.
- 1017. Good evening.
- 1018. Very nice to meet you, Louise.
- 1019. Very nice to meet you.
- 1020. I've heard a lot about you.
- 1021. - Sophie?
- 1022. Yeah, I'm in here.
- 1023. - Oh. You all right?
- I've never been better.
- 1024. We've had a very interesting afternoon.
Haven't we, Sophie?
- 1025. It's been fascinating.
- 1026. For services rendered.
- 1027. - Fuck off.
- 1028. - Who's your friend?
- He's the landlord, isn't he?
- 1029. - Whose landlord?
- Our fucking landlord.
- 1030. - Oh, get out of town.
- Ask him.
- 1031. - What you wearin' Sandra's uniform for?
- I don't wanna talk about it. All right?
- 1032. - You want a cup of tea?
- 1033. So, have you been sittin' on his face
- 1034. - I don't need this.
- Jesus Christ.
- 1035. I get home from work, all I wanna do
is put my feet up and watch the telly...
- 1036. not get involved
in one of your orgies.
- 1037. Do you know what I mean?
- 1038. What happened to your arm?
- 1039. Sophie, what's been going on?
- 1040. - Have you put the kettle on?
- 1041. Any chance of a coffee, Louise?
- 1042. Yeah. Sure.
- 1043. - These are a very nice pair of shorts.
- Would you take your hands off me, please?
- 1044. I apologize.
- 1045. Right, pal. Here's your clothes.
Get your kit on and sling your hook.
- 1046. Here's your shoes, mate.
- 1047. Hope I haven't given you AIDS, Sophie.
- 1048. - Jesus Christ!
- Fucking hell! Are you serious?
- 1049. - Merely jesting.
- Very funny.
- 1050. Mind you, I think AIDS
is rather healthy, in its way.
- 1051. - You what?
- I realize that's not the fashionable thing to say.
- 1052. - No, it's not.
- But the world is overcrowded, isn't it?
- 1053. - Could do with a bit of pruning.
- You fucking better be joking.
- 1054. You're not going to have children,
are you, Louise?
- 1055. I might do one day.
- 1056. I loathe children, I must say.
- 1057. - I bet they're not too keen on you neither.
- 1058. I'm sure you like fucking.
Don't you, Louise?
- 1059. - Are you going?
- I'm rather enjoying myself, actually.
- 1060. - Yeah, well, we're not.
- That's a pity.
- 1061. You may be the landlord from hell, but that
doesn't give you the right to lie on our couch.
- 1062. - Whose couch?
- Do you want me to phone the police?
- 1063. Be my guest.
- 1064. Right.
- 1065. - Listen, I can't have them in here.
- Why not?
- 1066. They're gonna look at him in his suit, look at
us, and who do you think they're gonna believe?
- 1067. There's fucking dope
all over the place.
- 1068. Well, we're just winding him up.
He's loving this.
- 1069. What are we gonna do?
- 1070. It's very peaceful here, innit?
- 1071. Suppose so.
- 1072. Are you warm enough?
- 1073. Yeah, it's nice. Thanks.
- 1074. It's funny, 'cause the silence
usually freaks me out.
- 1075. You start to pick up on all the small sounds.
You know what I mean?
- 1076. - Like that clock.
- 1077. I hate that fucking clock.
- 1078. Course you do.
It's a clock.
- 1079. Is it all right
if I stay here tonight?
- 1080. Have you ever had a dog?
- 1081. No.
- 1082. - I don't like dogs.
- 1083. Well, they're either vicious or daft.
- 1084. - Why? Have you?
- 1085. - Is it dead now?
- 1086. Did you bury it?
- 1087. Don't know.
Me dad took it.
- 1088. And what about you?
Would you like to be buried or cremated?
- 1089. I couldn't give a shit.
- 1090. I had this, uh, dream the other night
about these two skeletons havin' a fuck.
- 1091. Was a right bloody racket.
Woke me up.
- 1092. Have you got a photo of your mum?
- 1093. - What, on me?
- 1094. No.
- 1095. I think you might find one
over at the news agent's, on the top shelf.
- 1096. Do you want some beans?
- 1097. You've got a very sad face.
- 1098. Have I?
- 1099. It's all right.
I mean, I find that attractive.
- 1100. But that's me.
- 1101. So, have you got a boyfriend
- 1102. What are you gonna do for Christmas?
- 1103. I don't know.
What are you gonna do?
- 1104. - You all right'?
- 1105. - What's the matter?
- Fuck off!
- 1106. What's up, love?
- 1107. - Is it something I said?
- I want you to go.
- 1108. - Why'?
- Can you go, please?
- 1109. - Is it 'cause I don't like dogs?
- Get out!
- 1110. - Don 'z' quite fol/ow, love.
- Just fuck off!
- 1111. Oh. I see.
- 1112. Um -
- 1113. Well, perhaps I was
jumping to conclusions...
- 1114. but I got the impression that I could
kip down on the sofa or something.
- 1115. - Go!
- Go where?
- 1116. Have you got any suggestions?
'Cause it's like a fucking Eskimo's grave out there.
- 1117. Hey! Hey!
- 1118. All right, I'm going!
- 1119. Hey!
- 1120. It's not easy, is it?
- 1121. Do you find that?
- 1122. Well...
- 1123. just goes to show ya...
- 1124. that no matter
how many books you read...
- 1125. there's some things in this world
that you never, ever, ever, ever...
- 1126. ever fuckin' understand.
- 1127. Oh, thank you for the tea
and the bath and the booze.
- 1128. And the beans.
- 1129. And listen, love, I hope that when
you're tucked up tonight all snug and warm...
- 1130. underneath your
tear-sodden fuckin' duvet...
- 1131. and your ankle-length
Emily Brontë winding sheet...
- 1132. that you spare a thought for me
with me head in a puddle of cold dog's piss.
- 1133. And I hope that you dream about me.
And I hope that you wake up screamin'.
- 1134. And I hope that
all your fuckin' children...
- 1135. are born blind, bow-legged,
hare-lipped, homeless hunchbacks!
- 1136. Have you ever had an abortion?
- 1137. - Have you?
- 1138. - I thought I was pregnant once.
- Would you have had one?
- 1139. In the end, it turned out I wasn't,
and he left me anyway, so -
- 1140. I wanted to keep mine.
- 1141. What happened?
- 1142. All my mates said
I couldn't look after a baby.
- 1143. Too fucking right.
- 1144. Did it make you feel shitty?
- 1145. It was a nightmare.
- 1146. I really loved 'im.
- 1147. - He was a philosopher.
- Where was this?
- 1148. - Paris.
- 1149. Should have seen the state
of his girlfriend.
- 1150. Had one when I was 15 and all.
- 1151. Jesus, Sophie.
- 1152. And that one was worse for my mum.
Fucking drama she made out of it.
- 1153. I could have been married by now
with a four-year-old.
- 1154. Do you wanna get married?
- 1155. Don't know.
- 1156. Just 'cause you have a kid with someone
doesn't mean they're gonna stick around.
- 1157. My dad didn't.
Couldn't fucking wait to get out.
- 1158. Well, I don't know
if I want to get married...
- 1159. but I wouldn't say no
to a proper relationship.
- 1160. What is a proper relationship?
- 1161. Living with someone who talks to ya
after they've bonked ya.
- 1162. I don't know what they want from you
half the time.
- 1163. What they start off liking you for,
they end up hating you for.
- 1164. Don't like you if you're strong.
Don't like you if you're weak.
- 1165. Hate you if you're clever.
Hate you if you're stupid.
- 1166. They don't know what they want.
- 1167. You think that bastard's
fucked off yet?
- 1168. Yeah, he must have done by now.
- 1169. Is this a stick-up?
- 1170. - So you must get that all the time, yeah?
- 1171. Just got it again.
- 1172. So, is this your job,
or a nice little hobby you've got for yourself?
- 1173. You're a lovely mover.
- 1174. - This your van, yeah?
- 1175. It's, like, uh, I don't know,
top of the range.
- 1176. Very nice.
- 1177. - Are you going up the road?
- You want a lift?
- 1178. - That all right with ya'?
- 1179. Cheers.
- 1180. It's just I been walkin' round the streets
all night. You know what I mean?
- 1181. These fuckin' feet are on their last legs,
I'm tellin' ya.
- 1182. - So, how much do you earn for doin' this?
- It's none of your fuckin' business.
- 1183. I mean, is the pay as substantial
as, say, the wages of sin?
- 1184. Know what I mean?
You with me?
- 1185. Listen, captain, is it all right
if I have a go at doing this, yeah?
- 1186. Oh! God love ya.
- 1187. Or does it take, like, thousands of years
of state-subsidized government training...
- 1188. to do this clobber, yeah?
- 1189. You gotta slap on, like, copious quantities
of the old industrial sputum there.
- 1190. Beg your pardon.
- 1191. It's a wonderful career opportunity for me.
You know what I mean?
- 1192. - I'm gonna play the joker on this one.
- Shift -
- 1193. - Very well - Aah!
- Shift out of the fucking way.
- 1194. No, I like Laurel and Hardy, although
apparently they didn't get on in real life.
- 1195. Another illusion shattered.
- 1196. Sorry about that, pal. It's just, I've had
a lot of bad experience with walls, you know...
- 1197. what with talking to them
and climbing them.
- 1198. Me dad's driven me up a good few in his time.
You know what I mean?
- 1199. But I think I've got a secret -
a saucy little secret.
- 1200. The solipsistic, sagacious little secret
is just, you got - you just gotta...
- 1201. bang your fuckin' head against 'em.
- 1202. Just crack the old pate -
Are you with me?
- 1203. Have you got it? And that's it.
That is the key to enlightenment, which is -
- 1204. It's, like, that's why - that's why it's, like,
such a potent motif of civilization.
- 1205. It's the wall - It's like
the Great Wall of China...
- 1206. and the wall of Jericho
and the Berlin Wall and the wailing wall.
- 1207. Now, you see, the Jews,
they've almost got it, haven't they?
- 1208. A real rockin' and that, you know.
Just six inches away and they'll be there.
- 1209. They'd have won the fucking race.
They'll be there. Are you with me?
- 1210. What is all this, anyway?
What are you doin'? Cancel everything.
- 1211. In the beginning was the word,
and the word was “canceled.”
- 1212. You get satisfaction out of this?
You think you're making a contribution?
- 1213. You're, like, sort of
publicly promulgating vacuities.
- 1214. Are you with me?
- 1215. That's it!
Blank it all out!
- 1216. Blank it all out till you just atrophy
and die of fuckin' indifference!
- 1217. Can I show you something, pal?
You see that at the top of your legs?
- 1218. That's your ass, right, and rhatis your
fuckin' elbow. Do you wanna write it down or -
- 1219. Oh!
- 1220. Fuck. Ow.
- 1221. Who's that supposed to be?
- 1222. You wanna watch that, mate.
I've got a dicky sacrum here.
- 1223. Shit.
- 1224. F-
Uh, can you, uh, come back here?
- 1225. Uh, did I upset ya?
- 1226. Mate!
- 1227. You got me bag!
- 1228. You fucking tosser!
- 1229. You've got - Fuck!
- 1230. Fuck!
- 1231. All right, listen.
Does anybody mind if I scream here?
- 1232. Is that okay with you all? 'Cause I'd
feel better for It. It won't take long.
- 1233. Fuck.
- 1234. - Who's that?
- 1235. Let's get him.
- 1236. Let's go. Fuck.
- 1237. Let's do it.
- 1238. Who's that?
- 1239. - Oh, Jesus.
- 1240. - What's been happening to ya?
- 1241. Will you shut up, for God's sake.
- 1242. - OWW/
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- 1243. Just give us a fag.
- 1244. Fucking comedian.
- 1245. It's not my fault.
- 1246. What's not your fault?
- 1247. - Where are you going?
- I just want to go to bed.
- 1248. Will you be quiet!
- 1249. - I fuckin' walked here.
- Where from?
- 1250. - Which Way?
- Um - I'm gon -
- 1251. I'm gonna be sick.
- 1252. Fuckin' hell.
What's happened to him?
- 1253. Don't know.
- 1254. - Johnny. Are you all right, Johnny?
- Get off!
- 1255. Shh!
- 1256. - Is he still here?
- I don't know.
- 1257. - Right. We'd better get him into bed.
- 1258. - You take that end, I'll take this end.
- Okay. Don't push me, right?
- 1259. I'm not pushin' ya.
- 1260. - Careful. That's his bad leg.
- Well, what do you want me to do?
- 1261. After three.
- 1262. One, two, three.
- 1263. I wanna go. I wanna go!
- 1264. - Johnny -
- 1265. - johnny!
- 1266. I know.
- 1267. I know you told me.
- 1268. And... I'm not here yet!
I'm still wet.
- 1269. What did she mean?
- 1270. Why not me brother?
- 1271. Will it be quiet now? Yeah?
- 1272. Are we going?
- 1273. Oh, fuck. Shit.
- 1274. - Who's this?
- It's all right. He's a friend of mine.
- 1275. What extraordinary friends you have.
- 1276. - He's only got one sock on.
- Shut up!
- 1277. You seem a bit tense, Sophie.
Would you like a massage?
- 1278. - A d-d-doctor -
- 1279. - Is he the doctor?
- You're rather disgusting, aren't you?
- 1280. You're not crying,
are you, Louise?
- 1281. Oh, listen,
when are you gonna fuck off?
- 1282. This has got nothing
to do with you. Right?
- 1283. No! No! Stop!
- 1284. Leave me alone!
- 1285. Ow. Me leg.
- 1286. You don't know.
- 1287. Aren't people pathetic?
- 1288. Right.
I'm going to beddy-byes.
- 1289. If anyone wishes to join me,
I'll be under the duvet.
- 1290. - Are you all right?
- Yeah. Are you?
- 1291. Yeah.
- 1292. Come on.
I'll give you a hand.
- 1293. I'm all right.
I walked here.
- 1294. Is it here?
- 1295. Yeah.
- 1296. - Who's that?
- 1297. I thought so.
- 1298. - I used to know you, didn't I?
- 1299. ♪ Take me back to Manchester;
- 1300. ♪ To rainy Manchester};
- 1301. I've got an hard-on.
- 1302. What's -
- 1303. What are you -
- 1304. This is, uh -
- 1305. It's disgusting!
- 1306. Nobody in my -
- 1307. Who's he?
- 1308. Y-You've got your boots on it!
- 1309. She's -
- 1310. And what's this doing -
- 1311. This is something I can't -
- 1312. I don't -
- 1313. It's not -
- 1314. I just don't need all this...
- 1315. Oh, shit.
- 1316. Okay, who's Jeremy?
- 1317. - Who's Jeremy?
- What do you mean?
- 1318. Sandra.
What a nice surprise.
- 1319. What are you doing here?
- 1320. - How was Zimbabwe?
- 1321. - Good morning, Louise.
- Where's Jeremy?
- 1322. - Who's Jeremy?
- These are Jeremy's.
- 1323. - That's Sebastian's.
- No, look.
- 1324. “Jeremy Smart."Jeremy Smart.”
“Jeremy G. Smart.”
- 1325. - Well, I've never heard of him.
- 1326. Sebastian, who -
- 1327. Are you Jeremy G. Smart?
- 1328. Are you?
- 1329. Johnny. Johnny, wake up.
- 1330. - Leave him.
- Oh, for fuck's sake, Sophie.
- 1331. - Sandra's back.
- What day is it?
- 1332. - It's Friday.
- Oh, fuck this.
- 1333. - Look at his eye.
- 1334. He can lie down in my room -
- 1335. What are you doing?
He's not harming anyone.
- 1336. - Have you seen the state of her? Johnny!
- I'm here, Johnny.
- 1337. Morning, everyone!
- 1338. I would actually like to have some kind
of explanation for all this because -
- 1339. - Having fun?
- Can you put these on, please?
- 1340. Sophie and I had a fuck on your bed
yesterday afternoon, Sandra.
- 1341. - Oh, God.
- You are just...
- 1342. - She was very good, I must' say.
- 1343. - Not as good as you though.
- You lying -
- 1344. - Nastiness!
- We must do it again sometime.
- 1345. Will you -
- 1346. How can you -
- 1347. Everything -
- 1348. I can't cope with this.
- 1349. You've got five minutes.
- 1350. Five minutes to get your things on
and get the hell ou -
- 1351. I shouldn't worry about it
so much if I were you.
- 1352. I'd forgotten what a beautiful bottom
you've got, Sandra.
- 1353. - Two minutes.
- 1354. Marvelous tits.
- 1355. Listen, Sandra, I'm really sorry.
We weren't expecting you back.
- 1356. I fail to - Why -
- 1357. I-It's a pig sty! It's -
- 1358. - I know. It just got out of hand.
- 1359. - A-And what's all that?
- He's a friend of mine.
- 1360. - Can I make you a cup of tea?
- I don't want tea. I don't want -
- 1361. I just want - My journey was -
- 1362. - He's not very well!
- What's the matter with him?
- 1363. He's got a lump on his face the size
of a boiled egg, and he won't wake up.
- 1364. - Did he do this?
- 1365. - Sebasti - Jeremy!
- You never warned me about him, did ya?
- 1366. - What are you talking about?
- Fucking letting himself in with the keys.
- 1367. - Bastard!
- I don't -
- 1368. Right. Let's get this shoe off.
- 1369. Have you ever had smoked salmon
after making love, Louise?
- 1370. - Don't like smoked salmon.
- I think you should try it.
- 1371. It's rather wonderful.
- 1372. Will you undo your fly, Sebastian?
- 1373. Would you like me to?
- 1374. Honest.
- 1375. Oh, do you not want me to slice your prick off
and shove it up your ass?
- 1376. Maggot-dick.
- 1377. - Could you pass me that pillow, please?
- Here you go.
- 1378. - I can't move, Sandra.
- You are worse than useless.
- 1379. - You all right?
- 1380. - You don't think it's broken, do ya?
- No, he can move it.
- 1381. - You can do that, can't you?
- Why would I want to do that?
- 1382. Don't even -
Not in my room, Sophie!
- 1383. - I need a fag.
- I don't care.
- 1384. - Cop hold of that.
- Oh, just don't start, right?
- 1385. It really is beyond me
the way you girls choose to live your lives.
- 1386. My mind just... boggles.
- 1387. - He's gone back to sleep.
- 1388. Was that the front door?
- 1389. - He's gone.
- Thank God.
- 1390. Go slowly, Johnny.
- 1391. Now, what you two must do...
- 1392. is take this one to Casualty and make sure
he gets himself looked at before he goes home.
- 1393. - Gonna be sick.
- Are you?
- 1394. - Get him into the bathroom.
- All right! All night! Lets not' -
- 1395. Just a minute. That's it.
- 1396. - Make it' stead y.
- 1397. - Here you are.
- 1398. It's in me tash.
- 1399. You wanna get it cut.
- 1400. It's in your mouth.
- 1401. Have you had a bath lately?
- 1402. - I had one yesterday.
- As if!
- 1403. - I did.
- Where have you been, Johnny'?
- 1404. Down the Via De La Rosa.
Don't be nosy.
- 1405. - You not going to work?
- I'm late.
- 1406. - Ah- You 'll gel' the sack.
- 1407. It's all right.
You can put all your troubles in it.
- 1408. - Hey, I lost me bag.
- Yeah, I noticed Where is it?
- 1409. - I don't know. It's lost.
- Any valuables?
- 1410. Yeah, it's got me collection of
famous retired glove puppets in there.
- 1411. That's it. All gone.
- 1412. Did you get it nicked?
- 1413. - Would you put that out?
- 1414. I haven't cleaned me teeth yet.
- 1415. Could you not just put 'em
in a glass or something, no?
- 1416. I remember
when you bought these shorts.
- 1417. I warned you about 'em then.
- 1418. Yeah, well...
- 1419. - I only got 'em to piss you off.
- Mission accomplished.
- 1420. - Is he all right'?
- 1421. What, is this a spectator sport or something?
The hundred-meter vomit?
- 1422. Sophie, do you mind if I have
a word with Johnny on me own?
- 1423. Do you want a word with Louise
on your own?
- 1424. - Are you being sarcastic?
- 1425. Well, do as you're told.
- 1426. Right.
- 1427. Whose is all this money?
Three hundred and eighty pounds.
- 1428. It really oughtn't to be left laying,
waiting for -
- 1429. - Whose is all that?
- Don't know.
- 1430. Who's been playing ping-pong
with your face?
- 1431. Sky fell in on me.
- 1432. A cloud caught me
across the cheek.
- 1433. - So, why did you come to London?
- Come to run in the marathon.
- 1434. Will you give me
a straight answer, please?
- 1435. Well, I had to get out of Manchester
'cause I was gonna get a beating...
- 1436. and I come down here
and, uh... get a beating.
- 1437. - Were you asking for it?
- 1438. I wasn't.
They just come out of nowhere.
- 1439. - Honest?
- 1440. - So, what you gonna do?
- What you gonna do?
- 1441. What are you gonna do?
- 1442. Don't know.
Might go home for the weekend.
- 1443. Well, there's no place like it.
- 1444. Might not come back.
- 1445. Are you going back?
- 1446. Is that nice?
- 1447. - Yeah.
- I'm puttin' the “fun” back in fundament.
- 1448. Are ya?
- 1449. - Well, I'll have to go back sometime, won't I?
- And what about us?
- 1450. What about us?
- 1451. - Do ya hate me?
- Fuck off.
- 1452. My mum was seven years
younger than you when she had me.
- 1453. - Don't.
- Just -
- 1454. - Well, she was.
- 1455. - I'm full of shit, aren't I?
- 1456. - Well, I've had it all kicked out of me now.
- Oh. Good.
- 1457. What if God just put us here
for his own entertainment?
- 1458. That's all we are - just something
for him to have a bit of a laugh at.
- 1459. Could be, couldn't it...
- 1460. if you think about it?
- 1461. Give us your right hand.
- 1462. The other way up.
- 1463. - What's that?
- 1464. - That's funny to me.
- You're daft, you.
- 1465. It's, uh, toilet humor.
- 1466. Will you give me a cuddle, Johnny?
- 1467. Yeah.
- 1468. What's the matter?
- 1469. - Can you not tell me?
- 1470. If no one tells me what's going on,
then how am I supposed to -
- 1471. I don't understand, Johnny!
- 1472. - How was Zambia?
- It was Zimbabwe!
- 1473. I went to Zimbabwe with
my wanker boyfriend - my ex -
- 1474. What did I do wrong?
- 1475. Did you see any big animals?
- 1476. Yes! We saw elephants and rhinos
and zebras and lions and vultures.
- 1477. - Did you see any monkeys?
- We saw many monkeys.
- 1478. - Were they cheeky?
- 1479. It's not good for me, is it,
all this, in my condition?
- 1480. Well, yes - No - Yes -
It's not good for me, it's not good for you.
- 1481. - It's not good for any of us! It's utterly -
- Oh, excuse me for living!
- 1482. Is - Is this it, Johnny?
- 1483. - Is what it?
- 1484. I can't bear it!
- 1485. Right. I'm off!
- 1486. Off your trolley.
- 1487. Oh, don't fucking take the piss
out of me, you bastard!
- 1488. You don't know!
- 1489. All I want -
Nobody has any -
- 1490. Can you just please try and -
- 1491. - I've had enough! Oh, God!
- This is a nightmare!
- 1492. - If you could just try and pull yourself together -
- Where you going?
- 1493. - I don't know!
- Why don't you come and have a lie-down?
- 1494. - I don't care!
- 1495. - Here's the keys!
- I don't want the keys.
- 1496. - Well, I don't fucking want 'em!
- I'm not a social worker!
- 1497. Sophie.
- 1498. Don't be fucking stupid.
- 1499. What's the point, Louise?
- 1500. - Sophie!
- 1501. I'm sorry.
- 1502. Johnny.
- 1503. You all right'?
- 1504. - Mmm?
- I'm going.
- 1505. - Where?
- Work, to hand me notice in.
- 1506. Then I'm coming back here
and packing me bags and I'm going home.
- 1507. - Do you want to come?
- 1508. - Yeah.
- You serious?
- 1509. - Yeah.
- 1510. Bus.
- 1511. - Well, have you got enough dough?
- 1512. - 'Cause I've not got nothin'.
- I know.
- 1513. Do you think you can make it?
- 1514. Don't know.
- 1515. Well, if you can't,
we can stay here till tomorrow.
- 1516. I'll see you later.
- 1517. Uh, can you leave us a few fags
for cancer research?
- 1518. Here are your sh -
- 1519. I was actually hoping
that the air could -
- 1520. What are we gonna do
about all this?
- 1521. I don't know, Sandra.
- 1522. Look, I'll see you
in a couple of hours.
- 1523. - Fine.
- Uh, you will come back?
- 1524. Yeah. Of course I will.
- 1525. - Because I need -
- You'll be all right, won't ya?
- 1526. - Will I be all right, love?
- I'm gonna get the bath cleaned.
- 1527. You all know what it does to you...
- 1528. and yet you still insist on doing it,
so do it.
- 1529. Smoke yourself to...
- 1530. Well, birds do it, bees do it.
- 1531. High heaven.
- 1532. Can you tell me something, love?
- 1533. Is it true that some babies
are born covered in fur?
- 1534. - Up.
- 1535. Thank you.
- 1536. And you know, at birth,
when you cut the umbilical cord...
- 1537. what would happen if, uh -
well, if it was never cut?
- 1538. I don't need this. I just -
- 1539. Well, it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it?
Especially at my age.
- 1540. Why do you feel the need
to take the piss?
- 1541. I'm not taking a piss.
- 1542. - It's nice, that. Where is it from?
- I don't know.
- 1543. It's something my dad -
- 1544. Now, you see, Sophie
just turned that to the wall.
- 1545. She's got this kind of
irritating proclivity for negation.
- 1546. Suppose she thinks
it's progressive or something.
- 1547. - What is your problem?
- Nothing. What's your problem?
- 1548. All these silly questions and -
- 1549. Well, look, I've never met a nurse before,
and I'm just interested in, uh - well, in life.
- 1550. I mean, do you think it's worth savin'?
- 1551. Of course I do!
- 1552. But there is a time and a place...
- 1553. and, actually,
this isn't the time or-
- 1554. - The place?
- 1555. And this is where I -
- 1556. - Live?
- 1557. And I'm not feeling very -
- 1558. - Sexy?
- Comfortable, actually.
- 1559. I'm not feeling very comfortable.
- 1560. Well, make yourself comfortable, love.
I'll slip into something more.
- 1561. My bath -
- 1562. Hot toast, hot milk,
hot water bottle, bed, sleep.
- 1563. - Do you like me?
- I don't know you.
- 1564. - So -
- Do you find me attractive?
- 1565. Well, listen, love, it's like this -
I find you attractive.
- 1566. - Very attractive.
- 1567. I've had enough.
- 1568. It comes at me from all angles.
- 1569. Y-You - All of you just -
- 1570. I-It's the tin lids -
- 1571. When - How will the world ever -
- 1572. - ' Yes!